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lilyvandersteen · 3 years

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The Christmas Guest Chapter 10

Author’s Note: Here’s Blaine’s point of view of the kiss and what comes after. Fluff galore. Enjoy!

Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 and Chapter 5, the Interlude, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 here on Tumblr, or read the story on AO3 or FF.net.

Chapter 10: Part of the Family

As soon as Blaine’s lips touched Kurt’s, he felt Kurt freeze for a moment, but just when he wanted to draw back and apologize, Kurt let out the softest sigh and melted against him. He also started kissing back, and held Blaine as if he’d never let go again. It made Blaine completely forget where he was and why. All that existed was Kurt, and how he felt, and how he tasted, and how he made Blaine’s head whirl with the simplest touch.

Blaine had no idea how much time had passed when the two of them were jolted apart by another party-goer, but it was not nearly long enough. He blinked hazily at Kurt, who looked as kiss-drunk as Blaine felt, and then at the people around them, who were… counting?

Oh. Right. New Year. Oh, brilliant, then we can kiss some more!

As soon as everybody started yelling Happy New Year, Blaine kissed Kurt again, reveling in the fact that he could, and that Kurt seemed to welcome his attentions. They needed to talk about this, yes, but first… First, he was going to enjoy this!

Again, he had to stop before he was ready to, this time because one of Kurt’s friends took offence to their PDA. They were quickly defended by Kurt’s other friends, but Blaine could tell Kurt felt uncomfortable, so he didn’t protest when Kurt wanted to go home, though he was a bit apprehensive about the conversation they would be having once they were back in Kurt’s room. Had he overstepped Kurt’s boundaries without realizing? Had Kurt only kissed back to keep up appearances? Surely, Blaine couldn’t have misread the situation that badly?

He chanced a quick glance at Kurt, who hadn’t said a word since they left the party, but his face was unreadable. He was shivering, though, and at once, Blaine’s preoccupations flew out of his head and he only thought of warming up Kurt.

In thanks for his efforts, Kurt sent him a glowing smile, which kept Blaine going until they were back in Kurt’s bedroom, putting their pajamas on, still in silence. By the time Blaine slipped into bed, his skin was skittering with all the feelings and words cooped up inside of him. As he cuddled up to Kurt, he couldn’t keep it all in anymore, and he burst out into an apology – right at the same time as Kurt started talking.

Well, not so much talking as asking for an explanation. Which was only fair, of course. Only… What answer did he expect? Could Blaine be honest and tell Kurt he’d tumbled head over heels in love with him? Would he dare?

Blaine hedged a bit, but Kurt pressed on, and his resistance crumbled. He could no more lie to Kurt than he could to himself. And maybe it was crazy to feel this way about someone he’d only known for a few days, but if by some miracle, Kurt felt the same way, maybe they could try dating for real?

He didn’t have to wait long for an answer. Kurt’s lips found his, and his heart leapt happily. Yes!

K&B

When Blaine woke up the next morning, Kurt was still deeply asleep, his head on Blaine’s bicep and his arm thrown over Blaine’s chest.

Blaine smiled up at the ceiling, happier than he could remember ever being, and enjoying this quiet private time holding Kurt in his arms.

This Christmas break had been nothing like he’d expected, but it had been everything he needed. Relaxing. A slice of home and family. Scrumptious food and fun pastimes. And most importantly: Kurt.

My boyfriend.

Oh, it felt good to think those words and know they were finally true. It felt so right. Like it had from the very beginning, when Kurt sat down next to him on the plane, and Blaine had smiled at him as though they’d known each other forever.

Well, maybe in another life they had.

Blaine heard floorboards creak, and a second later, Burt’s head peeped in.

“Good morning!” Blaine whispered. “And Happy New Year!”

“Kurt still asleep?”

“Dead to the world.”

“Glad you got home okay. Did Finn’s girl sleep over too?”

“Yes. We were all exhausted.”

“That late?”

“Just after midnight. That’s late enough for me.”

Burt hummed in assent. “Well, come down to breakfast if you can pry Mr. Koala loose. Carole’s making blueberry pancakes.”

That made Blaine’s mouth water. He looked down at Kurt sleeping peacefully, and then back at Burt, torn.

Burt chuckled. “Or not. You can always whip up a batch yourself later, if you want a bit of a lie-in. But no shenanigans, you hear me?”

Blaine nodded, and the door closed again.

Blaine closed his eyes and softly stroked Kurt’s hair.

“What time izzit?” came a sleepy inquiry.

Blaine smiled and told Kurt, “Way too early for you. Go back to sleep, sweetie.”

Kurt curled into him like a contented cat, rubbing his head against Blaine’s hand. “Feels good when you do that.”

So Blaine kept up his gentle caresses until Kurt’s face went slack, and he nodded off again himself a while later.

By the time they made their way downstairs, it was past ten o’clock, and Blaine’s stomach was rumbling in protest.

“Morning, sleepyheads,” said Carole. “Burt’s off to work already, and Finn finished all the pancakes, I’m afraid. I swear he’s got some sixth sense for food cooking. Always shows up seconds after the pan starts sizzling.”

Kurt yawned. “No worries, Carole, we’ll fend for ourselves. Are there still eggs?”

Twenty minutes later, Finn came into the kitchen, sniffing like a dog. “Is that cinnamon toast I smell?”

Blaine hid a smile. Carole had spoken the absolute truth. Finn had shown up not even a minute after the first toast had hit the pan.

Kurt swatted at Finn with the spatula. “Out! Yes, it’s cinnamon toast, and no, you can’t have any. You’ve already had breakfast, and you finished your own as well as ours, says Carole.”

“I was hungry!”

“Well, now WE are hungry and don’t want to share. Clear out!”

“Aw, come on!”

“Maybe that works on Cathy, but not on me. What did you do, swipe half of her pancake while she was talking to Carole?”

“No! She had a whole one herself. And then she let me finish her second one.”

Kurt fake-swooned. “Aw, true love! Where’s Cathy, anyway?”

Finn pouted. “She went home already. Said she still had tons of work to do. Lessons to prepare. For next week.”

“Well, at least one of you takes their studies seriously. Why don’t you take her good example and get some work done as well? Not much else to do, ‘cause Puck and the other New Directions will be hungover, and Blaine and I will be packing because we’re going back to New York.”

“Hang on, you’re leaving today?”

That was news to Blaine too. His plane ticket back to New York was for two days later, as he didn’t have class until Tuesday afternoon. Still, he could try and get his flight rebooked. He just wished he’d known a bit earlier.

As soon as Finn had left the kitchen, Blaine asked Kurt what flight he was taking, and then spent a good half hour on the phone to sort things out. When he hung up with a triumphant smile, having scored not only the flight but also the exact seat he wanted, Kurt shook his head, smirking.

“When you start pouring on the charm, I don’t think anyone could say no to you if they tried.”

Blaine cocked his head to the side and moved a bit closer. “Hmm… You can’t say no to me? Now that’s interesting…”

Kurt squeaked in apprehension – actually squeaked, and Blaine grinned.

Kurt’s chin went up. “I’ll learn to say no. So there. I’ll become immune, after a while.”

Blaine’s grin widened. “I wouldn’t be too sure, if I were you.”

“Oh, hush you!”

“Make me.”

And then he lost both his words and his grin when Kurt grabbed his head and kissed him.

They didn’t stop kissing until Finn came stomping into the kitchen looking for a snack, and asked, “Weren’t you going to pack?”

When Burt drove them to the airport that evening, he looked at Blaine in the rear-view mirror – they’d opted to both sit in the back again – and asked, “So are you sad you didn’t get to spend the holidays with your own folks, bud?”

Blaine squeezed Kurt’s hand, looked at him with all his love showing, and answered, “Not a bit. I had a marvelous time. Again, thank you so much for your hospitality.”

“Happy to have you, kid. Feel free to tag along every year from now on. We’ve all accepted you as part of the family.”

Blaine felt ridiculously close to tears, even as the corners of his mouth curved up, and could not manage a response. It made him happy to be so accepted, yet he felt guilty, too, for deceiving Burt.

Kurt kissed his cheek and announced, “Good, ‘cause Blaine is here to stay. Though, Blaine, I do want to meet your family too, someday.”

As soon as Blaine could strings words together again, he promised, “You will. We can go see my parents this summer. And Skype with Cooper one of these days. Though… I apologize in advance for all the ridiculous things Cooper is going to say.”

“Brothers,” Kurt nodded knowingly.

Kurt hugged his father tightly at the airport. When he let go, Blaine held out his hand for Burt to shake, but instead, Burt wrapped him up in a bear hug, too.

“Take care, kiddo. And look after Kurt for me, will you? Make him eat enough and sleep enough and have some fun in between all his work.”

“I will. I promise.”

Burt let him go and clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re a good kid. Wouldn’t mind having you as my son-in-law one day.”

“Daaaaad!” Kurt moaned.

“What, like you haven’t planned the wedding already in your head?”

Kurt looked as if he wanted to sink through the floor. “Dad, please! Do you want Blaine to run for the hills? We’ve only just become boyfriends!”

Well, isn’t that the truth… But I can totally picture myself married to you, so I’m not running anywhere but into your arms.

“I don’t think Blaine’s the kind to be easily scared off. He let us kidnap him when he didn’t know us from Adam, didn’t he?”

Both Kurt and Blaine gaped at Burt.

He chuckled at their gob-smacked expressions. “I heard you, kid. Inviting Blaine ‘as a friend’ because he’d been nice to you on the plane. I saw you making goo-goo eyes at each other. But Blaine didn’t dare say yes. So I made him come with us. And I don’t regret it. Do you?”

Kurt closed his mouth with a snap, and shook his head slowly, his eyes misty and his smile radiant.

Blaine shook his head as well. “Best thing that ever happened to me.”

#klaine fanfiction #my fic #The Christmas Guest #chapter 10 #enjoy!

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suchalonelysunflower · 4 years

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“I know”

(Ashton Irwin X Fem!Reader || Angst/Fluff)

Summary: FINAL PART OF THE KNOW YOU SERIES. When everything feels lost, there’s nothing like the rain

Warnings: Strong Language, mentions of: alcohol, abuse, anxiety, depression, toxic relationships. Ansgty and Fluffy. Bad English (not my first language, sorry)

Word Count: 5.2 K

A/N: ITS HERE the last part of my first Ashton series 🥺 I had fun writing this, it helped me a lot. I hope you like it just as much! Reblogs are always appreciate it as well as feedback, I would love to hear your opinions 💙 You can check my other works HERE. Thank you so much 🦋

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Sierra hasn’t heard from you in almost a week. You’re not answering any of her text or attempts to FaceTime and she’s getting really worried. She knows you’re deeply hurting if you went completely MIA.

Last time she saw you, you were running down the stairs at Ashton’s house, trying to pass the sea of people between you and the door. She remembers calling out your name, and she knows you’ve heard her, since you stopped for a second to look in her direction before turning your face away and walking out the door without saying anything.

But she already saw the tears on your face.

Sierra turned to her boyfriend, to confirm that he saw it too, but Luke’s confused gaze was already on her, asking the silent question: ’What the hell happened?’

Luke’s eyes followed the trail you had just walked, but Sierra’s hand was already in his, pulling him so he followed her upstairs.

“Maybe she was just overwhelmed and needed some space” suggested Luke when they reached the top of the stairs and started walking the hall.

“Probably, but Luke, I know her. She wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye and she looked really upset” Sierra’s voice was filled with concern“Something happened and…”

Suddenly, they came to a stop when they heard a light sob. It was almost inaudible due to the poundering thunders that came from the sky, but it was there. Luke and Sierra hurried down to the balcony, not knowing what to expect but at the same time not expecting the sight in front of them.

Ashton was sitting on the floor with his back pressed to the same wall that had you pressed to him just a few minutes ago, when everything just felt right.

His hair was a mess and his ringed hand covered his eyes as he cried, his shoulders shaking with every sob that came out of his lips. For the first time in a long, long time, the boy who smiled like sunshine was falling apart like the rain.

Sierra’s first instinct was to go over the broken man and kneel down next to him, putting her delicate hand in his shoulder. Her heart breaking as he lifted his gaze, just enough for her to see how much he’s hurting.

“Ash?”

“I fucked up” He said in a broken voice “Sierra, I fucked up so bad”

That was on Saturday. Today’s Thursday and you still haven’t picked up your phone. Ignoring, not just her, but everyone. Crystal has tried to reach you countless of times, Michael has been hitting your DM’s from every social media (including in the games you played together) Calum and Luke have been spamming you with texts and even tried to lure you in with pictures of Duke and Petunia. And Ashton… well. Ashton was a complete mess, his smile was none existing since that night and, if it weren’t for the fact that they were already working on a new album, he wouldn’t even be seen. “He barely talks to anyone” Luke said to her “He’s just… numb. I haven’t seen him like this in years, he looks just like me before I met you, maybe even worse”

Sierra tried to call you one more time before hearing the familiar voicemail tone. You were shutting down, and she was scared that the silence meant something else.

Determined, she picked up her phone one more time, but she dialed a different number “Hey” she said, as soon as the other person picked up “Y/N needs our help and I’m not going to wait any longer”

****************************************************

You opened your eyes as the sun warmed your face. You groaned as you got up to close the curtains, ready to submerge yourself under the covers again. But the sound of your growling stomach kinda forced your way into the kitchen.

Taking in the sight of your apartment, you let out a sad sigh. It was just as messy as you felt. Take out containers (most of them still full) and dirty dishes decorated your kitchen island, your once neat living room had scattered papers all over it, many of them being plain trash that you couldn’t care to throw properly in the bin. You saw the bottle of vodka sitting in the middle of the table and it made you nauseous. This isn’t right. After everything that has happened you thought you finally got a break, that everything was going to be fine. But life has never been easy on you.

As you poured yourself a cup of coffee, you couldn’t help but stare at the bay window. You couldn’t help but think of him, the way he smiled and the sound of his thousand laughs. How he always cheered you up with a good morning text and how he could spend hours telling you stories about his childhood, in an attempt to distract you from reality. How he was always up for anything you needed, weather it be just listening to you or just needing his company, always making sure you were alright, and you were, with him everything was alright. Then your thoughts wandered over that night. The way he held you, the way he kissed you.. the way he rejected you.

You didn’t realize you were crying until a tear dropped in the middle of your coffee cup. You haven’t stopped crying since that night. Feeling useless and scared, but most of all, hopeless you would ever find that sense of security and happiness you felt next to him.

It’s impossible to deny how deeply in love you were with Ashton. You tried to hide it, but you were only lying to yourself. You love him and he probably hates you, again. Once again, you felt like you’ve ruined everything. When your lips touched his you felt like you were in cloud 9, everything was coming together, but seeing his face full of regret after that…

Maybe he was just too drunk, maybe you weren’t what he expected, maybe you should’ve stopped him, maybe he wanted to stop. It was wrong, a ‘mistake’ as he called it. But it felt so right at the moment that you didn’t want it to stop, and maybe that was selfish, but you could’ve died in that kiss and you would’ve died happy, instead of living the pain and the hurt of his disgust and rejection when he pulled away.

He probably told everyone how you fucked up. Everyone must hate you. In one night you lost everything you ever dreamed to have, and it was your fault. You turned off your phone that night, emailed your boss the morning after, claiming to be sick, but in reality you were just too scared to face the daylight of a world where you had nothing again. Maybe your mother was right and you didn’t deserve happiness after all.

Finishing your coffee, you tossed the mug in the filthy sink and headed to bed. That’s when you heard the knocking at your door and your breathing stopped.

You tried to ignore it, but whoever was at the other side was persistent. Against your better judgement, and hoping it was just a neighbor, you opened the door.

Outside the door you saw Sierra, Crystal and KayKay…oh shit. Your thoughts were running a thousand miles per hour, thinking that they were there to give you shit for what you did.

Sierra’s eyes winded when she took a sight of you and, without wasting any second, she launched herself towards you and held you in a tight hug.

“You weren’t answering your phone” she said “we were all so worried about you! We were so scared that you would just disappear and…”

An overwhelming feeling came over you as the tears spilled down your cheeks. It was all too much. Sierra kept talking, but you couldn’t listen. The others made their way into the apartment, careful to not overstep your boundaries, you noticed they had some bags filled with groceries and your heart shrunked. They weren’t there to hate you, they… they came for you, because they care about you. And you were standing there, numb in the same pajamas from five days ago, with countless bags under your eyes and a messy knotted hair. You didn’t deserve this.

“Oh, baby” Sierra cooed as she felt you breaking down in tears in her arms “We are here for you, we will always be here for you, Y/N. We love you, it’s okay”

“No, it’s not okay” you said between sobs “I fucked up. I fucked up, it’s not okay. I’m so sorry”

You kept apologizing, it seemed like you were unable to form another sentence that wasn’t ‘I’m sorry’ but the girls were having none of it “Y/N, listen to me. You did nothing wrong. You hear me? Nothing. Stop apologizing, you don’t have to, you don’t need to. Look at me” Sierra pulled away from you and grabbed you by the shoulders, forcing you to look at her and the others “You. Did. Nothing. Wrong”

Her stare was honest, stern and serious. You felt like breaking down again, but KayKay stepped in

“Why don’t we go talk in the living room? Crys and I will put the groceries in the kitchen, I’m assuming you didn’t go shopping this week, Y/N?” you shook your head, she nodded and gave you a sympathetic smile “It’s okay, dear. We got you covered”

“Y/N, have you been eating enough?” Crystal asked from the kitchen, looking through your take out containers with enough food to feed an army.

You wiped your tears “I - I don’t know. I don’t remember. I couldn’t…”

“Shh, baby. It’s okay” Sierra said, sliding her hands up and down your arms to calm you down “Don’t worry. Why don’t we go sit, yeah?” You walked into the living room together. Sierra’s eyes were immediately fixed into the bottle of vodka in the middle of the coffee table. You felt ashamed “Y/N, did you..?”

“No” you said quickly “No, I couldn’t. I tried to, yes. But the smell… it reminded me too much of her and I just… I couldn’t”

The girls were sitting around you. They knew it was bad, but they didn’t image it to the point where you would even consider drinking as an escape. They hated to see you like that. You were the girl with the endless smile, the one who would happily put others before herself, the one that would be there at any time, at any moment. Being the life of every party, or at least in their tight group of friends, the one who has been through hell but came back as strong as ever. You didn’t even seem like yourself, you were broken. And they were determined to try to fix that.

“Why don’t you tell us everything? It will make you feel better, I promise”

So you took a deep breath and started. You told them how close you and Ashton got during quarantine. How you, even without knowing it at the time, hoped to talk to him everyday, how he made you feel special, the way his smile brightened your day. How you could always tell if he was in a bad mood just by looking at his eyes and not finding their gleam, how he made you feel like you could trust him almost instantly and how glad you were to be friends with him. You told them about the night of the party, how he seemed so happy to see you but acted strange around you and the others, almost like his old self. You told them about the balcony, what you talked about and how you kissed. How happy you were until he said those words.

“And I know he meant it” you said softly through your tears, like a little kid “it was a mistake, we should’ve never done it, he was right. I fucked up, I should’ve told him to stop, but I…” your voice broke and you were unable to continue, but KayKay stepped in.

“You didn’t want to”

You look at her, trying to find a hint of hate inside her eyes “Kay, I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, Y/N. It’s fine”

The sincerity in her voice confused you.

“But.. but he’s your ex and you’re my friend. I could never..”

“Y/N, stop it” She said, placing her hand on your knee “It’s okay. Our relationship ended eons ago and we were never right for each other” she gave you a small smile “I love him, as a friend, just that. We were never meant to be. You want to know how I know that? Because I could never talk about him in the way that you just did, the way you described him and everything he did… you really love him do you?”

Your eyes winded. You didn’t tell them that, hell you weren’t able to tell yourself that until a few days ago. However, you couldn’t stop yourself from nodding.

“That’s alright. We can all tell how much you love that stupid boy. And I’m okay with that, honey. Really. Our friendship is stronger than that. And besides…” her smile grew “I know he feels the same”

“What?” You asked in disbelief.

“I talked to him a few times during lockdown, just to check on him. Everytime we talked he mentioned you in some way, weather it was a message you sent him or something funny you said or did, or even just out of nowhere you were always on his mind and, girl, the way his smile lighted up and his eyes shined… I’ve never seen him like that, not even with me, so I knew he was head over heels before he even knew it himself”

Saying that you were confused was an understatement “But he…”

“Y/N, remember what I told you about him? He never lies about his feelings but…”

“He avoids them” you finished.

“Sounds like someone we know…” Commented Crystal.

“And it sounds like you should definitely talk to him!” Sierra chimed in.

You started to protest but she cut you off.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. Y/N, I don’t know what that voice in your head tells you, but it’s lying. We are not going to stand here and let you drown, we will not allow it. You deserve your happy ending, you deserve all the love in the world and we love you so so much. How can we get it pass your head? You are not alone, you are loved. We are your family and we will not go anywhere, no matter how much you try to push us away” she raised her thumb to wipe the tears off your face “We will not force you, though. You will talk to him when you’re ready, but you have to talk to him. He’s just as broken as you are, maybe all you need is each other”

You nodded silently, thanking the universe for putting these amazing people in your life. But fearing the moment you will see Ashton again, not feeling completely confident for that.

*****************************************************

Ashton, on his part, was a complete wreck.

He can’t eat, he can’t sleep, he can’t concentrate hard enough on the fact that he has a mini concert in two hours and he didn’t rehearse as much as he should’ve. He can only think of you and the sound of your heels walking away from him.

It’s been a week since last Saturday and he’s looking at his screen, hoping selfishly that your name would pop out at any second, but knowing damn well it won’t. He tried to message you a couple times, saying how sorry he was, but he could never find the words or the courage to send it, even though he knows he should. Feeling the tears burning in the back of his eyes, he tried hard to contain them. He’s been crying all week, but knows that now it’s not the best time to let it out.

He looks around the small room the venue gave them to prepare themselves. He can hear Michael warming up and he spots Luke talking to Sierra in a corner of the room, she’s smiling and he looks so happy. Ashton never wanted to hit that pretty boy’s face till now.

“You alright, mate?” Asked Calum, pulling him out of his jealous thoughts as he took a seat next to him on the couch “You look like shit”

“I feel like shit” Ashton averted his gaze back to his phone.

Calum nodded, choosing to ignore how harsh his comment sounded, knowing how hard this must be for his friend “Still haven’t talked to her?” Ashton looked at him shocked, he didn’t mention to Calum what was happening, only to Luke and Sierra because they caught him crying over Y/N “Luke told me, but to be honest I would’ve figured it out sooner or later”

Ashton’s voice was soft and filled with guilt and hurt, breaking Calum’s heart as he spoke “Has she told you how incredibly stupid I am?”

“I don’t need her to tell me that” The bassist gave his friend a small smile that he didn’t return “Besides, she’s not talking to me. She’s not talking to anyone, actually”

“What?”

“She’s been ignoring us, turning off her phone and shit. She didn’t talk to anyone after that night.You thought she was only ignoring you?”

Ashton’s world fell apart right there. Not only did he pushed her away from him, but he pushed her away from the only people he knows she loves the most. He royally fucked up this time and he will never forgive himself for this. Why can’t he stop hurting her?

“Why do you think she will talk to me, though?” Calum asked after a while.

“You were always so close” said Ashton in a monotone voice, trying to hide the hint of jealousy he felt towards his best friend “Always with each other and always talking about things none of us understod, so I thought…”

“Woah, you think there’s something between me and Y/N? Dude, no. Never” Calum said in disbelief “She’s amazing, don’t get me wrong and very pretty but she’s also like a sister to me, she reminds me a lot of Mali. And I could never do that knowing that my best friend is in love with her”

“What!? I..”

“Mate.. c’mon. Isn’t it useless to deny it any longer? We know you love her, it’s clear as the day. You do love her, don’t you?”

Ashton let out a sigh “Why does it matter? She will never feel the same”

“Now, why do you say that?”

“Because it’s the fucking truth, Cal” he said, his voice breaking at the end “I hurt her, every time. And she doesn’t deserve that, she.. she wouldn’t want me. She doesn’t want me and I made the stupid mistake of being selfish and kissing her, knowing damn well I shouldn’t have”

“Then why did you kiss her?”

“Because!” He said a little exasperated “Because she started talking about the stars, because she looked absolutely beautiful under the night sky. Because she was kind and she smiled at me in a way that I felt like the world was ending because there’s no way something as pure and beautiful as her could be smiling at me that way after everything I put her through” he sighed “Because when I kissed her I felt like I was were I meant to be and I never wanted to let go. Because I’m a selfish asshole, because I’m in love with her. And because of that I ended up hurting her, again”

Calum placed his hand on Ashton’s shoulder, patting it a little bit before saying “Then it’s your job to fix it, mate. She’s hurting, but I don’t think it’s because the same reason you think”

“Wh- what do you mean?”

“Talk to her”

Ashton felt like there was more to say, but they were interrupted by the stage manager asking them to follow them because the show was about to start.

He definitely wasn’t in the right headspace to play. Too many thoughts and emotions running through his head, to many questions without answers. Maybe when he sits on the stool and starts playing it might help him forget a little bit, but it was useless.

He could still feel your lips against his, and could still hear your little moan in between. He had you tattooed in his memory, the sound of your voice as his favorite melody. He loves you, but knows he shouldn’t. As he was playing he thought of you with so much passion, in every way and form, that he could almost swear he saw you at the side of the stage. But it wasn’t until Sarah gave you a hug that Ashton realized that you were actually there.

***************************************************

You made eye contact with Ashton as he was playing one of their new songs on stage. His eyes winded when he spotted you and immediatly started to look around to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. You were there, and you were starting to regret it. Maybe this wasn’t the right place, maybe he didn’t want to see you, maybe…

But then he looked at you again, and you felt like the rest of the world faded away, in that moment it was only you and him. Asking, wondering, loving, hoping without saying a word. That was the moment that seemed to last eternally.

You held his gaze until he had to look away, breaking the spell that caught you both. You tried to concentrate in the concert and the other boys, but your attention drifted to Ashton and, every time he could, he would look at you, almost afraid that you would disappear.

The concert ended and Ashton was the first one offstage. He came to you rather quickly and still filled with adrenally “We need to talk. Can we talk?” He asked with pleading eyes.

You nodded and let him guide you, people were trying to talk to him, but he ignored them all and didn’t even attempt to stop until you reached the rooftop of the venue.

It was a very windy night, so you wrapped your arms around yourself, though you weren’t sure if you were shivering from the cold or from the nerves. Ashton closed the door and turned to look at you, properly this time. He was sweating and panting due to the energy he displayed on stage, but he couldn’t feel a thing, not now because you were right there in front of him, looking like a dream he would never want to wake up from.

“Ash..” “Y/N” you said at the same time.

“Me first?” You said, he closed his mouth and nodded. Not sure if he wanted to hear what you got to say. You took a deep breath and started talking before you chicken out.

“I should hate you” you spatted “I should hate you, but I can’t” Ashton’s features visibly relaxed for a bit, scared of what might come next “I can’t because I miss you so damn much. I miss talking to you everyday. I find myself waiting for your name to pop up on my screen randomly, knowing it will make me smile. I didn’t mean to get so attached to you in so little time given than last year you were practically a stranger to me, you wouldn’t talk to me or even acknowledge me for years and I let it pass. I let it pass, not only because I didn’t understand it, but because I hoped one day you would notice me. When you said those things, I should’ve hated you back then, but I couldn’t and I didn’t. When you came to apologize I said I couldn’t do it yet, I was wrong. I forgave you that day without even realizing it because I can’t hate you, Ashton.”

You took a breath, trying to hold the tears that were threatening to escape “Then we became friends, and against my better judgement I let you in in my life and you let me in in yours because you made it so easy to trust you. I knew that one day that would’ve happen eventually, us becoming friends, and I wanted nothing more than that. What I didn’t know is that I would end up falling in love with you”

Ashton’s eyes winded at your confession his expression going from confused to shock to sad in less than one second, it seemed like he wanted to say something, but he held it in, knowing you weren’t done. So you continued.

“I love you, Ash. I know it might seem rushed, but I never lie about my feelings, I avoid them. And that’s exactly what I was doing before that night. Ashton when you kissed me…” you closed your eyes for a second, trying to find the words “I felt home. I felt safe around your arms like I’ve never felt before. I wanted it to be endless, I didn’t want to let go but then.. you did” you looked him in the eyes “I knew there was a possibility you didn’t feel the same, I won’t hold that against you. You are free to feel whatever you want and I know that I’m not perfect in any single way and I can’t even attempt to compete for your affection. I was always scared this would be something temporary and as I told you before, I’m used to mess it all up and to people walking out of my life, every one of them giving me a reason why. So I’m here to ask you: Why?”

Ashton looked at you, confused “Why?” He asked

“Why did you kiss me? Why did you pull away?” You said “Ashton, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can barely function as a human being. So please, answer me so we can be at peace with each other. Maybe it won’t hurt that much this way”

Ashton couldn’t believe it, you really didn’t know? You think he would leave? Did you want him to?

“I kissed you because I wanted to do that for the longest time” he started, taking a step closer to you without breaking eye contact “I pulled away because I felt like it was for the best”

“For the best?”

“I don’t deserve you, Y/N”

Now it was your turn to be shocked. “Excuse me?”

“Y/N, since the day we met I’ve done nothing but hurt you. I refused the idea of getting to know you like everyone else did and for what? It’s still one of the biggest regrets of my life. I know I hurt you when I said those things, I still beat myself up everyday because of that. I don’t know why I did it, what was the intention besides hurting you. I didn’t know you and you made that very clear that day” You could see he was starting to get frustrated, but not with you “You said you forgive me, I’m saying I don’t deserve that” his voice was clear, but the hint of pain betrayed him “Getting to know you was and still is one of the greatest experiences of my life, you let me in when I should’ve stayed in the streets, I could never thank you enough for that. Your calls were the best part of my day, hearing your voice or seeing a text from you made me feel like the luckiest man on earth, I felt like heaven because I had you in my life and you made it worth living. Y/n, I fell for you so hard that I don’t think I’ve known love until I met you” Your breathing stopped as he said those words, your heart beating up so strongly you were afraid it might explode on your chest.

“But then I saw how you were with the others, how they were always so close and I felt like I was always ten steps behind. Y/N, I was jealous of everything we didn’t have and what we will never have and I know that sounds horrible because it was my fault to begin with. But seeing you with them made me realize just how undeserving I am of you”

“Ashton…”

“I’m not good for you” he said sternly. His eyes were glossy with the tears he was holding, but they never left yours “I’ve known that from the start and still I selfishly hoped that one day I will be, but we both know that’s not the case. You should be with someone that doesn’t hurt you, someone that will bring smiles instead of tears, someone like Cal or Luke or Michael. I can’t… I will never be good enough for you. I knew all of that when I kissed you that night, and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t know what I was doing or that I didn’t want it, because I did, I still do. But I can’t do that to you, even though it kills me, I don’t deserve you”

“Stop saying that” you said.

“Y/N..”

“Stop saying that! It’s not true!” You yelled at him “Who are you to tell me what’s good for me or not?! Who gave you the right to decide that?” He tried to talk but you shushed him raising your hand “ You’re telling me that you love me that you can’t be with me?! Like I’m a price or a toy? They are my emotions too, Ashton! I should have a say on it, don’t you think? I can’t believe you”

“What do you want me to say?!” He raised his voice as well “Do you know how much it hurts seeing you in pain and knowing that I was the once who caused it?”

“You’re being selfish”

“So what if I am!” He raised his arms in exasperation “I’m scared Y/N! I’m scared I will ruin everything again and break your heart!”

“Then don’t!” You yelled, louder “don’t break my heart, Ashton” your voice was softer now “I want to be with you, I love you! Is it that hard to love me?”

Ashton looked at you. Your eyes were filled with tears and fear, and even though you were shivering from the cold, he swore you couldn't look more beautiful. His eyes softened as he came closer to you “Loving you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done”

In a brave move, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you, pressing your lips together once again.

Scared at first, Ashton closed his eyes into the kiss, relaxing when he felt your hands play with the back of his head, twirling your fingers in his hair. He wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting you up in tight hug. Taking advantage of your little gasp to push his tongue into your mouth, making himself home.

You melted into the kiss once again, swearing you could see every color and every star, you felt infinite as you pressed against him. Taking everything you can form each other, memorizing the way you tasted and how good you felt. You threw away every meaningless fear you had, now it wasn’t the time to overthink. You loved him, and he loved you, that was all that mattered at this moment.

You hummed into the kiss when you felt a drop of water hit your cheek. At first you thought it was one of yours or Ashton’s tears, but when one drop became a thousand you realized that it was actually raining.

Ashton broke the kiss but rested his forehead against yours. He held a smile so wide that made you feel like the luckiest person on earth just for being a witness of that.

“This is so cliché” he laughed.

You giggled “I always liked the rain. It means new beginnings, a fresh start. It helps you grow as you go. It reminds me of a home I never had until I fell right into your arms”

“Well” Ashton said, kissing your forehead “Let this be the statement of our new beginning, because I am completely in love with you, Y/N. I know I am selfish for saying that, knowing that I will never fully deserve you. But I can’t help it, love. And I will do everything in my power to prove it to you, every single day of my life. Y/N, you make me want to be a better man. I want to know you for the rest of my life”

You kissed him one more time, happiness taking over you as your heart fluttered with his words, smiling into the kiss “I love you”

The rain kept falling, sealing your promise into solid ground. And as you walked back in hand in hand, you thought that, finally, your life came together. Finally allowing you to be completely and overwhelmingly happy.

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epiitaphs · 4 years

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Sebastian and Control

a list of potentially relevant older headcanons: prison, emotions, attention-seeking, how does he reconcile the fact he kills for a living, why he won’t leave jim’s network, silence/nothing to do, caring or not, feelings surrounding his discharge, a weird drabble about his life before/during/after jim, hc about freedom

(this is approximately 1700 words. so yknow, read only if you’ve got a couple minutes.)

Okay, let’s start with some audience participation. How do you perceive Sebastian? Either through your own eyes or those of the characters you write. Would words like cold, calculating, or possessive come up? They should. But do you think that he has control? I’m not asking if he’s controlling, because he is, and it’s not the same thing. The answer is no. Sebastian seeks out control but ultimately is incapable of possessing it for himself.

Sebastian seeks to control others’ perception of him. This manifests in a couple important ways: in forcing people to pay attention to him and in calculating his actions and performances. For example, we see this in his constant drive to pick fights with people. The thing is, there’s a difference between simply being aggressive and being attention seeking. He’s both. As I say in ‘attention seeking’, “a lot of seb’s bullshit comes from wanting people to pay attention to him bc like. people always have. He hates his father, but he needed those arguments because it meant that he was causing a reaction.” There are other issues at play when it comes to his relationship with his father, but in fighting with him, but never completely overstepping boundaries, he is keeping his father’s attention firmly on him and not elsewhere. He doesn’t want to quietly fade out - he needs to know that his actions have an effect. Because being quietly ignored means he has no control over what’s happening in others’ minds. Which brings us to what I said in ‘silence/nothing to do’, which was: “He needs to know what the other person is thinking, and it’s even better when he knows that they’re imagining stabbing him with a rusty fork.” He needs to have control over other people’s perception of him or else he won’t know how to act or what to expect. A lot of Sebastian’s control paradox is all about keeping himself safe. So he either makes people hate him, because he knows how to deal with that or he makes them show what happens when pushed a little farther. And he likes it when people push back - that isn’t a bad thing. He doesn’t want every single person he meets to hate him, even if it may seem that way. He just wants to know how they react.

Loss of control terrifies him. Sebastian has never lived without control. His father, for whatever his actual intentions may have been, was controlling. This is why Sebastian can’t live without control but also gives it up so easily to others, especially when it comes to work life. Sure, he rebels against authority - against his father - but does he really? If you remove the actual details, Sebastian did exactly what was expected of him by going into the Army. Did he become an officer? Did he become a politician afterwards? Absolutely not. But Sebastian followed the overarching rules, while breaking ones that would get him attention but not isolation. The fun thing is - and why this is a little bit of a paradox - is that Sebastian isn’t actually easy to control. He’s quite difficult to control, in fact, when he sets his mind to it. Thus, him giving someone control requires his consent, whether implicit, explicit, or manipulated out of him. It’s possible for him to give it up, but it is not easy for him to get it back.

Okay, so he gives up control in some situations, but that’s not really a failure to grasp it in most cases. Where does the actual failure come in? Well, folks, that’s where we get into Sebastian’s emotional wrangling. He does feel emotions, even if sometimes it may not seem that way due to his expert level compartmentalization. However, the way that he expresses emotion is typically funneled into anger because he doesn’t know how to express it. And that’s where the issue lies. He doesn’t know how to deal with emotion because he’s been taught in several ways that showing it is weakness or dangerous. He needs to have control over them or there will be consequences. This is why for Sebastian, love is a kind of control. Admitting he’s in love with someone means that he’s giving over control of himself to them in some way, which of course ties back into the fact that he’s scared of giving up control. So he tries to control how he shows that, which is why it’s so hard for him to admit it.

And he tries and fails to control the true emotions he feels. He buries his grief, his guilt, and anything that could hurt him. He still feels them, which is why he can never have true control while he denies their existence. Not to paraphrase notable historian of Algeria, Benjamin Stora, but simply covering a wound only invites gangrene. So what is the wound in question? Arguably, there are likely more than just one, but the deepest one is David’s death. Sebastian has never properly dealt with the emotions surrounding it and he feels incredibly deep guilt over it. He’s probably somewhat aware of that, but it’s not easy for him to acknowledge it, because examining the fact that he had no control over the situation is going to lead to a lot of other emotions flooding in and he’s always kicked those to the side. So he has very little actual emotional control, even if it may seem like he does. He can hide or display certain emotions as he needs them but ultimately, even if they’re hidden, they’re still there and still affecting him. This is why he acts the way he does in most relationships. He picks fights because he knows what to say and it gives him a sense of control and that if he really needed to, he could break their hold over him and make them stop loving him before they choose to do so on their own.

And then we get into his very desperate attempts at controlling his life and emotional responses. The guilt from David’s death is part of what drives the nightmares he has. His entire army experience undoubtedly fed into him developing PTSD, but David’s death is again, one of the major events that contribute to it, because of the emotions tied to David as a friend and mentor. And so when he’s cut loose from the army, he has nothing but free time. This is the first time that he really has direct control over his life - neither his father nor the army are telling him what to do. But he doesn’t actually have much control because his mental health is rocketing further downwards, and he feels like he’s lost control even before he actually has. And so he finds ways - to control his feelings, to control the nightmares, to control something. It’s not sustainable, but it feels like he’s doing something, and quite frankly he doesn’t think he’s going to live long enough to consider consequences. It’s worth noting that later on when he’s not using, being drugged against his will either for malicious reasons or for emergency surgical ones is something that deeply frightens him because he doesn’t have any control over what happens when he’s out and waking up brings disorientation that leaves him feeling incredibly vulnerable. His drug use was and his alcohol use continues to be about controlling how he feels (feeling being on several levels), so yeah, to call it specifically an escape...isn’t entirely accurate. He’d see it more as stopping or preventing all of the emotional/mental negatives he was or is experiencing.

These issues don’t go away entirely when he meets Moriarty. Yes, he had to get clean, but he’s not magically “fixed”. Moriarty provides structure - the way the army did, the way his father did - and it helps Sebastian a lot. This is the type of control that Sebastian’s okay giving up. There’s something about the total control Moriarty has that is comforting to him. That said, he’s not submissive about it. Seb may have handed over control, but he doesn’t always make it easy, even if Jim is an incredibly special case. But Moriarty holding his leash doesn’t magically make his nightmares or his guilt disappear. It just means that because he doesn’t see part of his life spiraling out of his control, he can work at controlling his emotional responses in a slightly safer - but still ultimately unhealthy - way. He feels like he doesn’t have to use super strong methods to do so. As I said in ‘hc about freedom’, “[f]reedom for Sebastian is the ability to do what he wants to do. Does he count working for Moriarty as part of this? Yes, absolutely. There is control and there is uncertainty, but he’s respected in terms of talent and usefulness and given just enough control that he doesn’t feel as trapped as he actually is.” Having given up something means that he doesn’t have to see how disastrously he controls himself when he’s on his own. Not that he ever did, not properly, which is part of why he crashes so hard after being kicked out of the army - “[h]e couldn’t find a way to regain control of himself because he’d never really had it.” - also from ‘why he won’t leave jim’s network’.

As we know, Sebastian’s a reasonably perceptive person. How does he deal with all of the contrasts as detailed above? This is where the calculation enters in. It’s a type of control. If he regiments everything he does, he can just follow cues and try to keep on top of a situation. If he has control over peoples’ reactions, he can get himself through something. He also simply doesn’t deal with any of it. When there is external control in his life (his father, the army, moriarty), he can focus on the tasks that each of those bring instead of feeling like he needs to grasp at the straws of trying to keep control of his mental and emotional state. It’s not healthy, but because seeking actual help would mean giving up control over how people perceive him, it’s not going to happen. There are scenarios where he can heal and get some sort of idea of how allowing himself to have full control without being overwhelmed by everything he needs to take care of could be possible. Ultimately, it is true that he seeks control and it is true that he cannot grasp it for himself, but he can give it to others with varying degrees of fear involved.

#when thy heart began to beat | sebastian headcanons #anyway i sat down to do this and i was like ' i need a thesis for this argument ' so i wrote one #the thesis sentence is probably the teal deer for this post. it is - as it should be - at the end of the intro paragraph #there is more i could say probably and there may be better ways to say some of the things i've said but ive stared at this too long already #alcoholism cw #drugs cw

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ladykateofledfordpark · 5 years

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Keeping Boundaries (Ethan x MC-ish)

This fic is inspired by day 25 of the Choices July Challenge hosted by the amazing @kinda-iconic under the profile @choicesjulychallenge!

Dedicated to the one and only @lady-kato, Ethan’s biggest stan! I can’t wait to hear what you have to say, and thank you for all your help! And @mariaoz , thank you also for your help! =)

Tagging my other amazing friends @desiree-0816 @itsbrindleybinch and @jlpplays1 ! =)

Day 25 Prompt: New Beginnings

Pairing: One-sided Ethan x MC (Leah)

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Ethan Ramsey wasn’t known for his kindness. Not to his coworkers, at least. He was a strict, calculating doctor: one that only opened up among patients. He was always professional, but for some reason he continuously let his guard down. He didn’t know why; something about Leah made her the most approachable person he knew.

“Happy birthday to you!” The crowd finished singing. Ethan shook himself as everyone clapped enthusiastically, encasing Doctor Ines in adoration.

He sighed. He desperately wanted to escape this party for the quiet solitude of home, but this was a birthday of a fellow worker. Not attending would be more than rude. So he forced himself to stay put.

As the party died down, Ethan found himself sitting on the sofa with a drink in hand. He was so deep in thought that only a warm hand woke him from his stupor. “Doctor Ramsey, are you okay?”

He glanced around. Most of the partygoers milled nearby, laughing and joking to one another. In one of the corners stood a group of interns who kept glancing Leah’s way. Bryce Lahela shot her a flirty smirk, while Dr. Jackie Vharma kept sneaking subtle glances at her. At that moment he wondered how, even with all this attention, Leah still found time to notice him.

“I’m fine, rookie. Don’t worry.”

Leah scanned him, her emerald eyes burning with questions. He hoped she would go back to the group of her intern friends, but something made her sit on the empty seat beside him. She didn’t say a word, but sat there somberly, waiting for the admission she knew would come.

It was hard to believe Leah could get to him so easily. Once he lost Harper he was sure that he could never trust again, but then Leah entered his life. Now, more often than not, he found himself thinking of her: when he visited restaurants he thought she would enjoy; when he noticed a change in Banerji’s state; when he explained to a slacking intern how to do their job the best way possible. It was too much, but he didn’t know how to stop it.

Or maybe he was just too scared to try.

Banerji wasn’t much help either. Too often he would insert mischievous comments, reveling in Ethan’s position. “You know, Ethan, I’m glad you finally learned to trust again. Once I leave this hospital you’ll need a close friend, and that girl looks like a keeper.”

He was right, of course. Leah was special. Ethan just couldn't put his finger on the reason for her charm.

Leah turned to him, a beautiful smile on her face. "This is a nice party, isn't it?"

Ethan gazed at his nearly empty glass of scotch. He sighed and placed it on the table, far away from all the other party cups. He still felt Leah's curious eyes on him and found himself searching for words.

"It is… lively."

"You don't like birthday parties?"

Most people would ask that in a judgemental manner. Somehow, Leah managed to sound more curious than anything else.

"I’m not especially fond of parties. I prefer sitting in the comfort of home or the opera. I don't understand the fuss people make over parties."

Ramsey looked back at Leah's intern friends. Elijah looked away when his eyes met his, but Bryce didn’t even look his way. He watched Leah with a certain intensity that froze something inside Ethan, his eyes full of love, affection and longing.

Ethan forced his attention away. He had no idea what prompted him to check on Dr. Lahela, but whatever he saw stirred a deep unease inside of him.

What was wrong with him?

Leah smiled. She lowered her red cup, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "Honestly, I agree with you. Parties are overrated, but birthday parties are different. They let you celebrate your relationships with the people you care about."

She turned back in the direction of her friends. A special warmth entered her eyes, one Ramsey never saw before. Leah waved at Dr. Sienna Trinh, who gave a quick thumbs-up in reply. Sienna turned in his direction, and her eyes lit up when she met his eyes. She whispered something to Jackie, who frowned at the sight, but Sienna didn’t notice. She was oozing sunshine and happiness just like a little kid who just had one of his dreams come true.

For some reason, Leah didn't pay them any notice. Her attention was all on him, as if they were the only people in the room.

Did she treat everyone this way, or was it only him?

"Dr. Ramsey, can I ask you a question?"

His forehead furrowed. "What is it, rookie?"

She neared him, so they were sitting a bit too close. She wasn’t quite trespassing on his personal space, but not quite treating him the way she would treat a supervisor. "When is the last time you had a birthday party?"

Ethan stiffened, but he didn’t dare to move. "If I remember correctly, my last party was in undergrad. So I assume it's been approximately fifteen years."

Leah set down her cup. "Do you miss them? The parties?"

"Of course not. I had a celebration every year with the people closest to me. That is better than any party I could ever hold.”

In the corner of his eye, Ethan noticed some workers slowly trickling out the exists. Usually, he found this to be the perfect time to leave, but for some reason, he didn't budge an inch. Maybe because of the way Leah looked at him, or because of Lahela's constant attention on her. Whatever it was, he couldn't leave even if he wanted.

Ramsey stared at his nearly-empty glass. It stood out among the plastic cups like Ethan did in this party, but for some reason, that fact didn't bother him. Somehow, Leah managed to make him at ease anywhere they were, even if it was at a crowded party. It was as if she was the perfect cure for all the stress he encountered throughout the week, a medicine he never knew he needed. How did she win him over so easily?

She hesitated as if she was worried about overstepping. "Dr. Ramsey, can I celebrate with you this year?"

Ramsey turned back to Dr. Bennett. She watched him with an inscrutable expression, as if she was trying to break down the walls Ramsey still held.

There was no doubt in his mind that if she would try hard enough, she would succeed. She always did with him. Somehow, Leah always made it past his defenses, reached a more genuine part than many others did. She was almost like Naveen in that aspect, and Ramsey hardly even knew her.

Was it really a good idea to celebrate his own birthday with her? True, Harper was no longer an option and neither was Naveen. Celebrating alone wasn’t appealing, especially after the previous year. Maybe this year, everything would be different.

Ramsey cleared his throat. "That is a definite no, Dr. Bennet. I am your superior. I can't show favoritism to any of my interns."

She gave him a weak smile. "Of course, Dr. Ramsey." Her shoulders were tense, as if his cold words hurt her more than he expected. "I really should be heading off. My friends are waiting for me."

Ethan silently chastised himself. Yes, it was important to put them both in their place, but was it really necessary to be so cold?

Leah silently picked her cup, the weak grin still on her lips. She was just about to leave when Ethan took hold of her. "Rookie, wait."

She lowered her gaze to where Ramsey absentmindedly held onto her wrist. Once he realized his compromising position, hed immediately let go. This was exactly what he was trying to stop.

She met his eyes, her gaze so much deeper than before. "What?"

He took a deep breath, but the tension in his body didn't ease. "My birthday… it’s August 30th."

She scanned him before a smile rose to her lips. This one covered her face, as if his careless words were now forgotten. "Great! I'll write it down."

Ramsey watched her walk back toward her friends. She was immediately encased in an endless amount of love and affection, something Ethan knew she could never receive from him.

And for some reason, his heart sunk at the thought.

#choices #playchoices #choices stories you play #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart #choices oph #oph #oph ethan #choices fanfiction #playchoices fanfiction #open heart fanfiction #open heart ethan #choices july challenge

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shooter-nobunagun · 5 years

Text

Daughter of the Cosmos

//Continuing off where we left, the truth behind the Great Ones and their Kin...

The four trudged into the dark building, Sio still feeling uneasy about the whole thing but it was too late to turn back now. Even though Nostradamus assured them multiple times the Cathedral was quite safe, she’d learned enough to know nothing was ever certain.

“Still, I must say I’m surprised dear friend, that you would choose to join a group of hunters...?” Their guide questioned his friend. “You used to always say numbers create more problems than they solve...”

“Hmm...call it a change of heart. We don’t stay the same forever, Nostradamus.”

“Oui oui, that is true. In more ways than one...indeed.” They were now inside a great hall of sorts, dust covering most of the surfaces and furniture looking like they were one step away from falling apart, but at least there were no creatures wandering about as far as they could see. “Please, have a seat...if you can find one. Although I only anticipated William Tell, I am glad to share my findings with those who are interested. Not many care to learn about our origins anymore, these days...where They came from, our role as hunters in this hunt and our fates in this dream...”

Dream? For some reason that word made Sio shiver, though there shouldn’t have been any reason to. Again a strange feeling that she should know something, but just like whenever she was in the Hunter’s Dream, those thoughts fled the second she tried to focus. “Wait...you know about those things? The monsters that suddenly appeared, after we defeated Rom...and the moon turned red...”

“Ah, the Red Moon...” Though he was blindfolded, it still felt like Nostradamus was looking directly at her. “You, the girl...you had contact with her. The Great One, Rom.”

“Y, Yeah, I did...h-how did you know...”

A tinkling of laughter from Nostradamus; not menacing but still every single hair on the back of her neck stood on end. “Just because my eyes are no longer privy to the world does not mean I do not see, Mademoiselle... in fact I daresay, I can see far more than you, Miss...?”

“Uh, Ogura. Sio Ogura.”

“Mademoiselle Ogura. You came into contact with a Great One. And since your group defeated her, the veil that was cast over this world lifted and now you can see what I’ve long known; the nightmare this world truly is...”

“What...this world truly is? What do you...”

“Those things. The Amygdalas that Vidocq talks about...you mean those, don’t you? We weren’t able to see those abominations until after fighting Rom...” Adam’s gaze narrowed at Nostradamus’ words. “What do you mean by veil...are you implying what we saw, before...was all a lie?”

“Not quite. And you are Monsieur...?”

“Muirhead.” Adam replied bluntly, not keen to give the stranger anymore information than he had to. “Somethin’s changed since then, it’s fairly obvious. But what’s that to do with these Great Ones? Are you saying they’re some sort of beings that can...influence us?”

The Choir member nodded. “In a way. I’m impressed, that a non-Church group like yours has a surprisingly solid grasp on the basics. But the truth, ah...that is always more complex, non?” He strode over to one of the leaning shelves, pulling out a great tome that was set down with a thud on the remaining table, dust rising from its weight. “Please, take a look. It is part of Master Wilhem’s teachings that have been passed down since the founding of the Healing Church—despite our separations.” The page opened to what appeared to be an ancient drawing, the paper yellow and wrinkled and filled with muddled text Sio could not make out, despite her schooling. But the picture and diagrams on the page...

An eerie creature, with a vertical, gaping maw and a monstrous head that seemed to be all brain, covered with countless stalk eyes all over and long tentacle-like wings on its back; around it were drawings of people kneeling or even praying, as if worshiping this creature. Lines with foreign script on them went from the creature to the humans, and Sio noticed with slight horror how some seemed to be deformed, clutching their heads as eyes sprouted out or others that seemed to be screaming in terror.

“Oh...god!” The huntress unconsciously stepped back, squeaking in surprise as she backed into Adam. “Th, that thing...why are they, what is it? Is it one of those...Great Ones you’re talking about?”

“Ebritias, Daughter of the Cosmos. She came down from the heavens, and took pity on us poor humans, a race beneath their level of existence...” Nostradamus slowly turned the page, showing another image of this Ebritias appearing to interact with humans, including some who looked like they were gouging out their own eyes. “We of the Choir learned a great deal from her, in our quest for the Truth; she taught us about the Eldritch Truth, and gave us access to the Old Blood...”

The floor seemed to waver as Sio sat down; though they all suspected it, hearing confirmation from one of the elite members of the Church that there were indeed otherworldly creatures and forces manipulating their lives... “I-I don’t, I don’t get it...what is this ‘Truth’? Why’s it so important? And if this, Ebritias...if she really is just here to give us knowledge, then how come I feel like I’m about to go insane each time one of them tries to communicate with me?!”

“It is because most humans lack the ability to commune with them. To understand the Truth, and gain more Insight...” Gloved fingers paused on the drawing of a skull on the page. “Making contact with eldritch wisdom is a blessing, for even if it drives one mad, it allows one to serve a grander purpose, for posterity.”

“...Okay, that’s great and all, but what if I don’t want to? Besides, what’s the point if I’m just going to go insane...” Sio muttered, wondering if Nostradamus himself wasn’t more than a little loopy after spending all this time around the Great Ones. At least she finally knew why she always went into a frenzy when fighting those creatures, but it didn’t help mitigate the problem itself.

“Seeking the Truth is not for everybody; I admit that. However, I am afraid us humans...do not have much of a choice.” Nostradamus gently closed the tome and returned it to the shelf. “I have chosen to dedicate my life in hopes of understanding the knowledge of the Great Ones, and perhaps even make contact with them, eventually. Though, it is not without risks, even to me; there were once other members who sought to commune with them at any means, even if it meant sacrificing their sanity... the School of Mensis, they are an example of what happens when humans foolishly overstep their boundaries. However, that is not to say there are some small...beneficial effects. For example, Mademoiselle Ogura, you suffer the blood sickness, do you not? Have you wondered why you haven’t succumb to the scourge yet, despite your ashen blood?”

Sio flinched at the mention of her condition. “Y-You, don’t mean to say...this, ‘insight’...”

“It counteracts the effects of beasthood. In other words, you may be risking your sanity, yes, but it is also probably the only thing from keeping you from turning into a full-fledged beast,” Nostradamus answered for her softly. “Not what you want to hear I’m sure, but...”

She only heard the first part of the sentence, all feeling having left her legs as she slumped to the stone floor, oblivious to Adam’s concerned queries. Turning into a beast, or losing your sanity... Were these really the only two choices she had? Even worse was the fact that out of all the hunters, she was the only one who suffered from both; none of the others showed signs of contamination, and even their frenzy seemed to be less severe than hers, able to be tempered by an occasional draught of sedative while she downed pills and vials like candy. Her body was trembling with both anger and despair and a tear fell before she knew it.

“I-It’s not...it’s not fair!” Sio choked out a sob, not even bothering to wipe her tears. “I don’t care about the Eldritch Truth! I don’t want to turn into a beast...! Why am I the only who’s suffering...” The last thing she wanted was to give off the impression of an immature child, but the huntress couldn’t help it; to come all this way, only to learn she was nothing more than a puppet for the whims of godly creatures, far beyond their understanding. Sympathetic or not, it seemed the Great Ones did not care if humans went insane; the only thing that mattered was passing on this ‘truth’. “I hate this! Why did I even come here...maybe I should’ve just stayed behind and let the disease run its course; at least I wouldn’t be plagued by those monsters trying to force me to understand things I can’t...”

“Oy now, you don’t really mean that...” Gentle hands helped her up, procuring a handkerchief and wiping her face. “Chin up, Ogura. You’ve come this far already, I know you won’t just give up.”

“Apologies, Mademoiselle. A hunter’s life is not easy...I am surprised you chose such.” Nostradamus bowed in sympathy. “Please, take your time to rest here; it is safe, I can assure you.” The other two mercifully left the immediate vicinity, giving Sio some privacy.

Sio only continued sniffling, grateful for Adam’s handkerchief. “I know...I know...! Still, in hindsight...I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake...hell, even the ‘paleblood’...those were all just lies, too...” The huntress hugged herself tight, wishing she were anywhere other than this damp, cold cathedral, where monsters and alien creatures prowled about and she never felt truly safe, even in the Dream. “I just want this to end...”

“And it will, Sio. You have to trust me. Trust yourself,” Adam firmly chided, brushing the girl’s tangled locks. “I know you’re feeling awfully discouraged, and hell so would I, if I were in your shoes. But you’ve also done remarkably well, even with those conditions. Think about it; most normal hunters barely make it this far, but you discovered something most people never find, in spite of your illness.” He patted her on the back, offering a small hug as Sio blew her nose. “Don’t forget, you’re not alone in this fight; you’ll always have me an’ Hunter. We won’t leave you behind, Sio.”

“A-Adam...th, thank you...” Though her body and mind were exhausted, she knew Adam was right—giving up was not an option, not after all they overcame, and the small, precious moments of happiness she found during this journey... “U, Um, A-Adam? C-Can I ask you for a small favor...?”

“Hmm?”

Sio blushed under his curious gaze; those green eyes were almost too piercing at times. “I-I, it’s just...I’m sorry if it seems silly, but...c-could you, hold me really tight?” She half-expected him to laugh or scold her for wasting time, but then a pair of strong arms encircled her, and as she buried herself against his broad chest his embrace tightened. A couple of tears fell as she couldn’t help but contemplate her future, but Adam simply held her until the hiccups subsided.

“Feelin’ a mite better now?”

“M-Mmm...s-sorry about that...” Slowly she unwound herself from his grasp. “Thank you...I feel like, that’s the only place I ever really feel safe...when you, hold me...all tight like that...” Her cheeks were rosy from both the tears and shyness, Adam feeling his own face grow rather warm.

“...Of course, Sio. I’m glad to hear it.” Good thing neither Tell or Nostradamus were around, but at this point Adam couldn’t have cared less; if the others began finding out about his relationship with the huntress, then so be it. Things were getting more desperate than ever, and if indulging in these moments of tranquility meant risking the attention of others...well, it was worth it. “But did you get what you wanted here? The truth about your condition...”

Sio nodded as she pulled her overcoat back on. “Y-Yeah...I mean, I kinda already figured out some of it, but hearing it from Nostradamus himself...” she sighed, turning her back towards him. “...I was hoping he’d be able to have some sort of cure for either of them, but it looks like, there really isn’t...except for ending the hunt. Still, it pisses me off knowing that those, creatures just play around with us like toys...can’t they just leave us alone?”

“I am afraid not, Mademoiselle Ogura,” the two whirled around as Nostradamus came back with Tell. “To creatures that might as well be gods, our wants do not matter. However, perhaps you could try asking her yourself, if you wish...”

“Her? As in, Ebritias? She’s here?”

The man in the blindfold cap nodded. “Oui. She still exists, hidden below us in this Cathedral, at the Altar of Despair...She granted us the knowledge that allowed The Choir to become what it is now.”

The two hunters looked downwards below the balcony. Though nothing was visible, Sio felt the familiar stirrings of frenzy the longer she stared. “N-No...th, that thing...even up here, it can...influence me...”

“Sio!” Adam pulled her back from the ledge, immediately grabbing a sedative from his pouch. “Don’t go down there; it’s not worth th’ risk, ‘specially with your condition... We should leave and head back. There’s no more reason to be here.”

“Alas, I am afraid you cannot go back the way you came.” Adam looked at Nostradamus in shock. “The only lamp in this vicinity is below; where Ebritias dwells.”

“Bloody hell!” Adam swore violently, the Stakedriver nearly primed by the time he paced over. “There’s no way I’m letting Ogura get near that thing! If it’s as powerful as you say, she’ll go mad in an instant! There has to be another way!”

“There may be.” Tell’s deep voice chimed in, the duo having nearly forgotten about the mysterious hunter who asked for their company on this trip to begin with. “We may not be able to backtrack, but if you’re worried about the girl’s condition...then we’ll just get rid of the creature.”

Neither Sio nor Adam could respond; what Tell said made sense, but it was shocking to think the hunter who appeared to be on good terms with this Choir member would turn face against his friend so quickly. Then again, who could say for certain whether or not Tell and Nostradamus were truly friends? In Yharnam, ‘friends’ and ‘companions’ were loose terms, often lacking the finer points of their true meanings. It could very well be the two simply decided to work together on the mutual basis of information exchange; as soon as the situation shifted, there was no need to uphold any sort of honor or obligation.

“Th, that’s...possible, but...why are you helping us? I thought this Nostradamus was your friend,” Adam muttered, exchanging wary glances between the other two, though the blindfold made it impossible to determine Nostradamus’ true feelings. “Just who are you anyway? Why d’you care about what happens to the rest of us?”

“That’s insignificant; but if you must, consider me as someone who wants to see this Dream come to an end,” Tell answered simply, striding over and now unsheathing his Bowblade. “Since the girl cannot be in close proximity to the Great One, I will help you. Unless, you think to tackle the creature alone?”

Adam stared at the hand, before reaching out and reluctantly shaking it. “No, I’m fine with that. But what about him,” he jerked his head towards Nostradamus, who remained standing a ways all this time. “He’s not gonna...try an’ stop us or anythin’, is he? From the sounds of it, The Choir reveres these things...”

Tell shook his head slightly. “No; Nostradamus may be a member of the Choir, but he also understands the Truth; possibly better than anyone else. Why do you think he has survived all this time? I know you do not trust me fully, Adam Muirhead—as you rightly should. But I can guarantee on my life, no harm will befall Miss Ogura nor will Nostradamus attempt to dissuade us.”

“...Very well...I’ll trust you, but just this once, Tell...you wrong about any of it, and I’ll run a stake through you myself.”

The archer nodded. “Fair enough. Get ready, then. As soon as you’re prepared, we’ll have to jump down; the elevator is broken.”

As the two men readied their weapons and gear, Adam strode over to the huntress, who was hunched against an old bookshelf, eyes closed in a restless sleep with her cloak wrapped tightly around her. “Oy, Ogura. You feelin’ alright? Should probably take some sedative, just in case...even if yer out of sight, don’t exactly want to take chances with somethin’ that powerful...”

To his surprise she shook her head weakly, eyes furrowing open. “N-No...I, don’t want to keep taking sedatives, unless I have to...ooh,” she moaned as another pulse of pain shot through her head, Adam looking on in great concern. “D-Don’t worry about me, Adam...I’ll, be fine, I promise...the sooner you and Tell take care of that, thing...the sooner we can go back, and I’ll be better...”

“Sio...! Tch...” Though he knew she was right, that taking unnecessary blood ministrations would worsen her reliance on them, her strained visage worried him greatly. “Alright...but promise me, if yeh feel like it’s about to burst, then take it, alright?” Sio nodded, and he left the extra bottle by her side, alongside a molotov cocktail. “An’ take this, just in case...I know Tell had that whole speech about Nostradamus not interferin’ an’ all, but we can’t be careless...”

“I, I know...don’t worry Adam, I can handle myself up here. You be careful, too; I have a feeling, this Great One...she’s even more powerful than Rom. E-Even if, you aren’t as affected by frenzy...who knows what they’re really capable of.”

He nodded silently, before pulling her into a quick embrace. “I’ll be careful. I swear to god, I am not dying here. You just sit tight, an’ we’ll be back soon.” Pulling his balaclava up and settling the hunter’s cap back on his head, Adam joined Tell at the edge of the balcony, the archer having split his weapon into its bow form. Nostradamus stood off to the side, staring what seemed to be into nothing.

“Well, better get started.” The two men shared a glance, before leaping off onto the floor below. The floor was surprisingly wet, Adam’s boots nearly ankle-deep in the fetid water as they slowly splashed towards a massive, quivering mound of glowing tentacles and undulating false eyes growing from her wings. Even without engaging in a direct line of sight however, Adam could tell this Great One exerted far greater Insight than Rom; the close they got, the more his head ached as well, and strange whispers seemed to hover around his ears, even though Tell was silent the whole time.

‘Damn...better watch myself and take a sedative soon, otherwise the frenzy’ll be fatal...’

The Altar of Despair... Adam’s first thought was it was certainly appropriately named; grotesque statues (or were they) of villagers and worshipers scattered in different states of disrepair, some bent over in prayer while others seemed to be bemoaning some unseen horror. At the center was a strange rock, with eye-like craters that had candles stuck inside them...as they circled the alter Adam realized where he’d seen this creature before.

“Rom?! It can’t be...I thought we killed her...” Adam breathed in hushed tones as the two men walked closer to what had to be Ebritias, though she made no move. “An’ this big one, doesn’t seem interested in us either...yet. Just like Rom...”

“Rom? Are you referring to the other Great One you and Miss Ogura encountered?” Tell cast him a questioning glance. “As Nostradamus said, most Great Ones tend to be more sympathetic towards humans...although I’ve no doubt they will defend themselves, if provoked.”

“Yeh, the girl an’ I, we encountered her at the bottom of the lake, in Byrgenwerth...was after her defeat all this weird shit started happenin’,” Adam muttered, unsure of what to make of this Rom-like alter. “Arg...my head...” A sudden stab of pain that caused a temporary deafness, forcing him to uncork a bottle of sedative. “Damn, didn’t think the frenzy would be this bad...”

“Then we’ve no more time to waste. I will keep my distance Muirhead, and leave the melee range to you.” Without even waiting for a response the marksman darted back, leaving Adam to stare at the glowing, hulking creature, its eyes blinking curiously. Sighing heavily, Adam charged up the Stakedriver, getting ready to unleash the charge attack.

“Let’s get this over with.” ------ Even before the otherworldly shriek rose up from below, Sio knew the two men had engaged Ebritias. Though she hadn’t lied to Adam, the truth was if they didn’t finish this battle soon, she might very well lose her sanity past the point of no return. Being in constant contact with the Great One, and even encountering their smaller kin earlier outside—her head throbbed incessantly as she stared at the sedative, wondering just how long she could hold out, and if the medicine would even help at this point. ‘Damn it...why does it have to be like this? Why am I the only one so affected by all this? Is it because I’m not from Yharnam...’

“You seem unwell, Mademoiselle.” She jerked around at the unexpected voice, Nostradamus having been entirely silent until now. “Perhaps you should take a sedative soon?”

“N-No...I-I mean, if I have to...but, I’d rather not until then...” She wiped the sweat from her forehead, trying to sound more certain than she really was. Though she had a feeling there was no use in trying to hide much from Nostradamus; as he said earlier, just because the man was blindfolded didn’t mean he couldn’t see. “I-If, this exposure to Insight is reducing my beasthood...then at least there’s something to be gained.”

“True, the forces of kin and beast counteract each other. Is that why you came here? To find the fabled paleblood? You’re an outsider, aren’t you?”

Sio didn’t answer; she had a feeling Nostradamus knew already, anyway. The more she tried to understand what Yharnam was about, the creatures they hunted and why this cycle existed, the less she seemed to understand. Her history books made it sound simple enough: the town of Yharnam was plagued by an endemic blood disease that turned people into bloodthirsty beasts, which in turn were eradicated by skilled hunters. But then there was the addition of the Church, who, one the surface seemed to be administering these miraculous cures made from blood, but now after wandering around for so long and picking up what snatches of gossip she could, it seemed that was all a scam—for while the blood could provide cures, it also brought healthy people ever closer into becoming a beast themselves.

“...I wonder, why these Great Ones are so interested in us. If we’re so insignificant to them, then why do they try to make us understand them...”

To her surprise Nostradamus sat down next to her, seemingly unconcerned by the sounds of combat below. “That, I cannot be certain; despite my studies, I have never successfully communed with another Great One.”

“But I thought you learned a lot from Ebritias?”

He nodded. “Yes, but...it is not communicating in the sense that I am having dialogue with her. She...’passes’ me information, but it is up to me to make sense of it. And I admit, there are times where my mind is just as baffled as yours, Mademoiselle Ogura. The Great Ones, they were the source of the Old Blood; the original blood ministrations that let the Church rise to its prominence. Master Wilhem always said to ‘fear the Old Blood’, that mis-use will lead to great tragedy, and yet...it was our carelessness that led to the beasts in the first place.”

“Wait, what are you saying?” Sio was taken aback by this revelation. “Are, are you saying...it was the Great Ones who created the beasts in the first place?”

“Non, not the Great Ones. Us humans, driven by greed and arrogance; for using the Old Blood in blood ministrations will eventually cause humans to turn into beasts, despite their miraculous healing prowess. And thus the Healing Church recognized a need to keep this fatal mistake a secret, leading to the creating of the hunters—led by the First Hunter, Robert Capa. And now the Church has splintered into many different factions, each with their own goals and regards for the Old Blood and Great Ones: we the Choir, who faithfully adhere to Master Wilhem’s teachings and look into our own selves for Insight; the School of Mensis, who broke off and are determined to commune with the Great Ones at the cost of their sanity; Master Laurence, who disregarded Master Wilhem’s adage and used the Old Blood to further the metamorphosis, in his own way to transcend humanity...” Nostradamus shook his head, slowly rising up from the floor. “Non, Mademoiselle Hunter. It is the weakness of mankind that created this nightmare.”

The huntress couldn’t answer to that. Good and bad, right or wrong...in the end, those were human concepts forced upon a world that contained more than them. “I think, I understand more, now...thank you for telling us what you know, Nostradamus. I’m kind of surprised you’d do so...after being here for so long, I can’t exactly say Yharnam’s a friendly place.”

“My wish is to learn and spread the Truth, that is all.” Nostradamus answered quietly. “Though, I am glad you were able to make use of my knowledge.”

Just then an roar shook the entire building, Sio fearing for a second the flimsy railing would fall apart. “Aagh! Wh-what’s going on down there...!” Slowly she crawled over to the edge, careful not to fall off. Below, two figures were darting among what had to be Ebritias: a giant head with eye stalks and wings, just like the illustration in the book. The entire floor was littered with blood and some other fluid Sio couldn’t discern, with streaks of arcane magic bouncing around as the two continued to subdue it.

“Oh no, watch out—!” But there was nothing she could do from her position except watch helplessly as a giant, whip-like tentacle swung through the air, flinging both men against the stone wall. “Adam!” The building shook again, this time knocking down the huntress as her equipment scattered about her. ‘No, I have to...help them!’ She desperately felt around for her gun, only to realize it had rolled away during the tremors. “Nostradamus! Pass me the gun!”

“...I am afraid I cannot do that, Mademoiselle.” Oblivious to Sio’s look of shock, the man only stood and watched, despite the cathedral beginning to crumble. “I cannot and will not interfere; that goes both ways.”

“Tch...nevermind!” Ignoring the risk of frenzy, she lunged forward and grabbed her firearm before it rolled of the edge, hanging on to the railing with one hand and firing with the other below to stagger the creature. “Adam! Tell! Get her now!” She saw a mane of white hair glance up briefly at the shot, before diving back in with a charged Stakedriver. A hail of arrows rained from above, Ebritias giving one final cry before it sagged into a motionless heap, turning into tiny particles of light as she slowly disappeared.

“Heh, gotcha...wh-whoa—!” A split second of glory later the railing snapped, sending Sio into a free-fall, limbs flailing as she desperately tried to right herself.

“Adam!”

“What th—oomph!” Just when he’d finally shook all the dirt off his clothes the huntress landed right on his back, sending him face-first into the muck. Again.

“Ow...oh my god, Adam! I’m so sorry—are you okay?!” Ignoring her aching bum, Sio quickly pulled the man back up, wincing as she saw his now mud-covered face, glancing at her with a look that said ‘really’? “I’m sorry! I really didn’t mean it! I didn’t think the railing would break...but, thanks for, er...breaking my fall...ahh, your clothes! Sorry, sorry...!” Sio fussed about him all the while babbling away in her native language, using her cloak to wipe off the grime as best she could.

“...Don’t worry too much, squirt. Just glad you’re not hurt...” Admittedly his ribs were now sore from her literally knocking the air out of him, though Adam supposed he should count himself lucky the girl didn’t weigh very much. “Besides, if yeh hadn’t fired that shot, I wouldn’t be here acting as your cushion.”

Sio grimaced in embarrassment at his comment. “...I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Nah. I’m tougher than that, squirt.”

“Your timing was impeccable. Especially considering how far you were from the battle...” Tell limped over as well, a couple of nasty scratches on his face but otherwise didn’t seem any worse for wear. “We can safely light the lamp, now.”

“R, Right...” With the rush of adrenaline now fading her headache returned with full force, Sio rubbing her temples in an attempt to ease the pain. “What, what about him? Nostradamus?”

Tell looked up at the second floor where they’d come from. “Nostradamus? I presume he will remain here; he is not a hunter, after all, and here he can continue his studies. Why, did you wish to extend an invitation to him?”

“A-Ah, uh, n-no I was just, wondering...” she muttered, turning away in guilt. In truth, she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to increase their numbers even more, given the tensions lately and multitude of factions in their group. Then again, it seemed cruel to just leave him behind in a place like this, especially since he didn’t seem to harbor any ill will.

“C’mon squirt, let’s get going. You shouldn’t stay here any longer than necessary,” Adam reproached, guiding the girl towards the lamp. “If that fella wants t’ come, it’s his choice. We shouldn’t force it.”

Sio wanted to say something but decided against it; Adam was right, no matter how much she wished for everyone to get along and work together, she knew reality didn’t work that way. If anything, they should be glad Nostradamus wasn’t outright hostile towards them, like so many others.

Just as the light was about to swallow them something flew through the air, Sio whipping her hand to her neck, only to come away wet with blood. “What th—”

“Tch, a miss...what a pity, could’ve ended it painlessly.”

She didn’t even have time to react before the blow to her head, sending her sprawling to the ground. Dimly she could hear Adam and Tell’s confused yells, before more shouts and the sound of metal weapons clashing against each other...groaning, the huntress tried to right herself, but her vision and hearing were still blurry from being struck by a blunt force, blood dripping down her cheek from the wound. “What’s...going, on...”

“Sio! Leave the girl alone you bastard!”

“Ah but Muirhead, you of all people should know, the real danger she possesses...”

“Fuck you Mirza!”

Mirza? ‘He’s here...? No, he must’ve followed us...! Back in the Hunter’s Dream, he must have overheard our conversation with William Tell...’ Fear threaded itself throughout her body, Sio stumbling half-blind as she groped frantically for her weapons. Just as she finally got a handle on her Rifle Spear, a boot stomped right on her fingers, Sio screaming with pain as the bone cracked.

“Tsk tsk tsk, Miss Sio Ogura...I did ask, what a sweet thing like you was doing, playing hunter in a place like this...” Dark eyes glowed malevolently, as Sio finally came face to face with Mahesh Mirza. “You should’ve stayed behind like a good girl, and not come to Yharnam..."

“Nnng...y-you, bastard...! What do you want?! I haven’t done anything to you!” She desperately tried not to cry, though the pain was almost unbearable. The huntress tried looking for either Adam or Tell from the corners of her eyes, but they were nowhere to be seen; panic crept into her veins, Sio staring wide-eyed at the hunter who revealed his true colors at last.

“Not yet; you think I’m that stupid to not realize your blood sickness? After all my specialty is ferreting out and assassinating those who are about to turn, in the name of the Healing Church...and you my dear, are as close as I’ve ever seen in all my years on the job.”

#documentation #hunt or be hunted #//WOW #//like i'm very sorry #//didn't have inspiration for a while #//so i ended up working on other fics #//but then when i do get ideas it's like full steam ahead lololol #//mirza fans dont' hate me pls

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taezhu · 6 years

Text

yandere!doyoung

He’s oh so enthralling

When you meet doyoung, you’d think he was a gift sent to you from the heavens

Especially since he’s so damn nice to you the entire time

You actually meet because of Jaehyun who introduces you two randomly

mostly because doyoung had two friends (Jaehyun and taeil)

And they thought you two would get on well

And they weren’t wrong, so props to them really

Doyoung is probably the most amazing person you’ve ever met

He’s so considerate and treats you like you’re the only person left on earth

The first time you meet it’s awkward because Jaehyun and taeil are around too

But he asks you to go on a date with him the next week and of course you accept

spending 90% of the next week texting and calling him

He does this cute thing where he falls asleep when you’re on the phone with him

Mostly because he says you have a soothing voice

But also because you seem to always call each other until gone 3am

And doyoung won’t lie, he’s a lightweight when it comes to sleeping

But the more he talks to you the longer he tells himself to stay up

your first date will be to this hell of a posh restaurant that you don’t think he can afford

Surprise: he can, he saved up for meeting someone like you

And he only wants the best for you

And he offers to walk you home too, only because he wants you to be safe

Obviously you’ll be a little concerned because you don’t really know him long enough

Not to show him your house anyway

And he says he’ll just drop you nearby when he realises you don’t want to

‘I’m not a creep, I just know that sometimes people hang around’

‘Don’t worry I understand. I want you to feel comfortable with me’

And the more you’re with him, the more comfortable you are

You see, doyoung is so so good at hiding things

He’s deceptive and manipulative but you’d never guess because he covers it

He words himself so well that he seems caring and considerate

You wouldn’t associate him with anything bad at all

I mean, after a few days since your first date you do take him back to yours

Not to do anything, just because you don’t want the day to end

You could spend eternity with doyoung because he’s never boring

Everything he says and does keeps you on your toes

like how he tells you random facts about anything

and how he knows so much about the world

‘Promise I’m not some private school kid’

you practically forget Jaehyun and blow off your weekly meet up cause you’re with doyoung

and really Jaehyun doesn’t mind, he’s glad doyoung likes you

And you like him of course

Jaehyun and taeil are happy they don’t have to hear doyoung complain about being alone anymore

what they didn’t know was that he knew exactly who you were before Jaehyun introduced you two

Before he and taeil discussed doing it too

Doyoung knew you because he remembered Jaehyun mentioning you before

And he swore he fell in love with the sound of your name

But he knew he couldn’t overstep any boundaries

He just searched up your social media and started to watch what you were up to

He’d be around when you were at work

He’d be around when you were with Jaehyun

He’d even sometimes go as far as sitting in your building’s reception to catch you leaving

Doyoung had started to collect a small journal about you before you even knew he existed

One which he knows he has to hide from you as long as you two are together

‘Which will be forever, right?’

Doyoung isn’t stupid, he’s just a bit crazy

he knows right from wrong in the eyes of others

which is probably the scariest thing about him, if it’s not his switching personality

But he’ll ask you to be his after a few weeks or maybe two months

depending on how he sees your feelings for him

He won’t ask you until he’s sure you’ll say yes to him

Otherwise you’ll reject him and he won’t let that happen

You see he never wants to hurt you, but he knows what he has to do to make things happen

He’ll avoid bringing you into it at all costs

‘You should give me more credit, I’m smart’

‘What do you mean? I am smart!’

‘I’m ten steps ahead of everyone, and that’s why I know we’re gonna get married one day’

he’ll plan out what he does next depending on what you say to that

If you get weirded out, he’ll do his best to seem normal

He’ll tell you that he’s never felt like this about anyone before

He’ll tell you everything about how lonely he once was

And if you’re fine within then he knows he doesn’t need to change what he’s doing

You won’t even notice how you’re slowly only seeing doyoung

Mostly because it’s never boring so you don’t have time to think about it

He’ll take you to random places you never expected to go

To Paris and Prague where you guys go sightseeing and take cute pics

(ones which taeil will tell you he thinks are too cute)

to Hong Kong and New York where you swear he spends so much money on you

Not that doyoung minds

He’d buy you the world if you wanted it

he always wanted to find you so he saved up for doing stuff like this

it’s not actually until one of your other friends point out stuff to you that you notice things

Of course doyoung hadn’t ever factored in your friends noticing he was...

Strange to say at the least

he thought you didn’t even talk to them anymore

But one day when he’s busy, something he can’t get out of

You go to see one of them since you’re not used to this ‘alone time’

and they tell you how you’re only..ever with doyoung

And you only talk about doyoung

and every single thing in your life seems to be about doyoung

you obviously defend him, you’re so in love with him that you see nothing wrong with it

you tell them that he’s a big part of your life

that he means a lot to you and you want to marry him one day

Words that seem to come straight from his mouth

though he’s not very happy when you bring it up with him later

‘they told you that you talk about me too much?’

‘that’s just stupid though. Don’t they get that we’re together?’

‘maybe you shouldn’t talk to them anymore. They sound jealous that you found someone you love’

He decided pretty soon after that, that you two should move in together

And you’re so infatuated that you don’t see any other intention behind it

But doyoung believes he’s doing what’s right, too

For you two

And he proposes the idea to you and is over the moon when you agree

Of course he knows he’s one step closer to getting married to you

you still wouldn’t ever suspect a thing of his past because you have no reason to

Doyoung rarely loses his cool until you two go out one night

To a place you two go to all the time really

But some guy starts talking to you whilst you’re waiting

and doyoung immediately tenses up because he doesn’t like how the guy looks at you

He holds your hand a little tighter than before

does this guy not even notice him standing there?

the guy talking to you is just being friendly since you’re queuing

Doyoung doesn’t see it that way

he just gives the death stare at the guy in the hopes he’ll just leave

But he doesn’t, and doyoung just keeps watching

and when you start laughing at something the other guy says he snaps

He almost drags you out of there

He’s never had to be that jealous of you before

not that he should have been jealous in the first place but..

‘He was looking at you like he wanted you!’

‘He wasn’t just being friendly, do you know how much that undermines me?’

and he knows that whatever he says has to make you stay with him

if you walk away things will be harder

‘I just don’t want you to leave me, I can’t imagine life without you’

and he’d be crying

He’d make out that he couldn’t speak just so that he could feel your arms around him

he’d even start begging if he knew it would make you stay

because he knows exactly what to say and when to say it

so that you never ever leave him

‘we’re still going to get married, aren’t we?’

♥︎ (2018) TAEZHU - DISCLAIMER ♡

#doyoung reaction #doyoung scenarios #doyoung smut #nct reactions #nct scenarios #nct smut #nct #doyoung

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nordpolen · 3 years

Text

So in an attempt to figure out what my character feels about her situation, I’ve written out basically a short story detailing one scenario of how a confrontation with her feelings could go. While it’s not likely that this scenario will happen, since it’s DnD and therefore a shared roleplay experience with my DM, however much we think alike. But I think some of the arguments could come up. And if not, atleast it was a good writing practice I suppose. Very dialogue heavy though. I need to work on that.

Anyway, under the read more link there will be OC stuff. Feelings. Bad writing. And all that kinda stuff. Feel very free to ignore. I’m just putting it out here because it’s cathartic.

"What are your intentions towards Marko?"

Mirai gave me confused look, not quite understanding my greeting to her. I supposed it was a bit rude, but I didn't particularly feel like making pleasantries. I was having a shit week, and the fact that I had to have this conversation at all only made it worse.

"Marko? How do you know him? And how do you know abou-" I cut her off.

"He's my brother. Answer the question." She stared at me, mouth slightly agape at my harsh tone, but also at the fact that I had said brother. She knew I had adoptive brothers, but she also knew their names. Marko wasn't one of them.

"You brother is dead. You told me so." She narrowed her void eyes at me, trying to read my face for any deception, a hint of joking. She found none.

"He was. Now he’s not. I had him resurrected. He was still dead when you met him, though. Now answer the godsdamned question."

She flung up her hands in exasperation at my words.

"Fine. I like him. He's nice. We're having fun. Is that so bad?"

It was the answer I’d expected. Still I couldn't help but feel disappointed for my brother. It was a conflicting feeling for me. I wanted him to be happy… And I wanted her to be happy too. But some small part of me had thought that that happiness would’ve been with me. I had thought that maybe, once I was done ensuring the happiness and safety of my family, and gotten my revenge, I could have come back to Yamato, been happy here. While I didn't like the assassinations, I had been good at them. Even better at stealing. They would’ve taken me back.

I could have made a home there, with her, if she would've had me, and if her father would’ve allowed it. Small chance, knowing Mirai’s father’s protectiveness over his daughter, but a girl could dream. Now, I supposed, it was time to wake up and stop dreaming. It was time to be a woman, who was in control of her feelings. A woman, who could let her brother be happy. A woman, who would let her brother make his own mistakes, but also a woman, who would protect him from the danger he didn't even know existed yet.

"Is that all it is? What if it evolves beyond that? What then?" I didn't look at her as I said it, it still hurt, it hurt so much, to look at the woman, who I’d still up until recently had been seeing in my dreams, and now instead see my brother's lover.

The fact that it hurt made me feel guilty. After all, I was the one who hadn't dared to ask her in the first place. I was the one who had been too slow, who had put her aside for my own goals. How could it begrudge my brother for his courage to do what I hadn't dared? I was lousy. The worst. A horrible sister. I started pacing back and forth.

She sighed, and sat down at the table, taking the only chair in my dingy inn room, carefully watching my pacing, confused and slightly annoyed.

"So, what if it evolves further? I thought you'd be overjoyed that your brother found someone he's happy with. And we're basically already family, Freya! You've been with the group since you were a barely a teen. We would be real family."

Her naivety grated on my nerves. Did she really think that her father, her father who had been so strict, kept her away from others for so long, would simply be happy with whatever first foreigner mutt his daughter picked up as a son-in-law? I knew my brother was worth his weight in gold, but I also knew how most people in this country felt about foreigners.

I spun around and faced her, my voice coming out in a shout that seemed to catch both her and I by surprise. I had never yelled at her before. Said mean things, yeah, as she had done to me, but I’d never yelled. That would've been overstepping my boundaries. She was the heiress to a crime empire. Even if it wasn't recognized by law, she was as good as nobility. Another reason I had never made a move.

"Have you even given this a single fucking thought, Mirai? Do you think you can just waltz into your father’s office with my brother in tow, and he'll go ‘Oh, I’m so happy for you’? How naive are you?" I saw the anger rise in her eyes, now that I was actually looking at her, and she responded back in a biting tone.

"It doesn't matter what my father thinks, I can make my own choices! What's he going to do? He can't keep me locked up forever. Someday I’ll have to take over from him. He might as well get used to me doing what I want."

"As if you're the one who would bear the consequences! You've never been the one who was punished when you stepped out of line. If you ran away, the maid who was supposed to look after you got flogged. If you didn't do your lessons, your father would have your teacher's hands burned. Do you really think your father would hesitate in removing my brother if he thought he would become an issue? I know you don't think about anyone but yourself, but I care very much about my brother and I’m not letting him get hurt because of your selfishness!"

Mirai sputtered in indignation, her normally calm and even voice growing shrill.

"You're calling me selfish? It's not my fault that I was born into the family I was! I want to live my life too! Is it too much to ask that I get the chance to choose what I want to do?"

"Yes!" I shouted, taking a step towards the table, where she still sat. "It is too much to ask when the consequences will fall on others than yourself!"

She snorted at me, grabbing the sake bottle at the table besides her and taking a long swig.

"Consequences. You would know about that wouldn't you. Always so busy taking everyone's problems on yourself. Gotta help you family, gotta make money for your dear Ettie, gotta get revenge. We can't all be a fucking self-sacrificing saint like you." She challenged, and I took a step back as if she'd hit me, or stabbed me with a knife.

It stung, because I felt the truth in what she said.

She continued. "You never do anything for yourself. The few times I’ve seen you with anyone has been after drinking, and you never talk to them again. Too scared that you'll get attached and forget your ‘sacred duties’?"

I tried to muster up a defense, but I couldn't. My ‘sacred duties’ as she called them weren't the reason why I’d never been with the same person twice, as few as the people I’d ever been with were. I'd never been with anyone more than once because I’d still had a crush on her. Every time I’d tried to be with someone, it had been an attempt to forget her, to move on, but then we would meet the next day, and train, and the glint in her eyes would make me fall once more.

"That's none of your business." I said tersely, looking away, cheeks aflame, and eyes burning. I felt like crying, and I didn't want to admit that I knew why. This was the end of it, I knew it would be. I would have to let her go after this. Even if something inside me said to fight for her instead. Fight who? My brother? She was a person and could make her own choices. I had no right.

Mirai saw something in my face, something that made her stand up and walk closer to me, carefully, like she was afraid to scare me.

"You're ashamed, aren't you…" She said, and I clapped a hand over my face, as if that could shield me from her searching eyes. "Is it because you're jealous? Because I’m taking your brother away from you?"

Her voice grew softer, and she reached out one slender grey hand to me, callouses from holding a dagger in training marring the skin slightly. I jerked away.

"Freya, you know I would never take your brother from you, there's no need to be jealous on me." I removed my hand from my face to look her in the eyes.

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous of you?”

I knew I’d given myself away the moment the last word left my lips. Mirai wasn’t stupid, and she could read my tone. We’d known each other long enough.

I immediately turned away from Mirai, hoping that she wouldn’t figure it out, hoping that she wouldn’t realize what that meant. I eyed my cloak by the bed, and then the distance to the door. I could make it quickly, but that would leave the issue unresolved, a loose end. I hated loose ends.

“If you’re not jealous of me…” Mirai said, almost sounding lost in thoughts, “then who…” The small ‘oh’ that then fell from her lips made the embarrassment burn in my cheeks again, and I regretted starting the conversation at all. Her next words sealed my doom. Or atleast that was what it felt like.

“You’re not jealous of me. You’re jealous of Marko.” She said, matter of factly.

I refused to look at her. She was right, but she couldn’t know that. And more importantly, Marko couldn’t know. If self-sacrifice was my defining trait, then it was also a family trait. If Marko had even an inkling that I liked Mirai, and had liked her for years, he would give up any claim. He would stop pursuing her, to give me a chance. Love didn’t work like that, I knew that. Just because he gave up didn’t mean that Mirai would then turn to me. But he would still feel bad for ever having pursued someone I had an interest in. He would give up the chance of love, as to not hurt me further. As much as I loved my brother and wanted to give him the world, he would do the same for me. It would leave all of us unhappy.

“Look at me.” She said. When I didn’t, she stood up and walked over to me, grabbing my face and turning it to her. I let her, almost letting myself lean into the warm touch of her hand.

“No. You’re wrong.” I muttered weakly. I couldn’t even convince myself of that. Mirai searched my face, my eyes, and then her eyes fell to my hand, where my left thumb was rubbing the small scar on the side of my second knuckle on my index finger. I immediately stopped the motion, even if I had already been given away by my tell.

“Liar,” She said softly, voice somewhat dark, yet sweet. I tried to wrist my face out of her hand, but she tightened her grip.

“All these years and you never said anything. Didn’t do anything about it.” Her brows furrowed, and she looked… hurt. “Did you think I would wait for you? That I wouldn’t find someone while you took care of your family? They’ve always come first to you. Do you really think it’s fair for you to be jealous now when you’re the one who put everyone else above yourself? You created this situation yourse-“

“Don’t you think I know that?!” I said, finally pulling my face out of her hand, and turning around, chest heaving at the sorrow stuck in my chest, sobs wanting to tear themselves from my body. I took a deep breath to calm myself, then one more, and one more again. I didn’t turn around, and she stayed silent.

“I know, I know that it’s not fair to have expected you to wait for someone you didn’t even know liked you. I know it’s not fair to bring it up now, not now when you’re both happy. I… I just can’t help feeling sad about it.” My voice broke as I said it, the admittance, causing tears to start pouring from my eyes, no matter how much I tried to stop them. I just wanted my brother to be happy, and now I was the most likely cause for him ending up hurt. I had called Mirai selfish, but I was the one truly selfish in this scenario. If could have kept my feelings to myself, and simply done the ‘protective sister being worried about her brother’s safety’ spiel, then everyone could have gone on with their lives, and I could, in time, have gotten over myself. But here I was, ruining everything. I was so caught up in my own head that I didn’t even notice Mirai coming up behind me.

She grabbed my arm and swung me towards her again, once more grabbing my face, and pressing a very unexpected kiss to my lips. It was soft, not a true kiss, but it made me stop crying from sheer surprise. And then I ripped myself loose, almost falling backwards in my attempt to get away from her touch. She let me go, and simply watched as I pressed myself to the wall, sputtering for something to say.

“See. Now you know what it would have been like.” She crossed her arms. “Not that exciting, I’d say, but you can stop wondering about it. That was the issue, no? That you wouldn’t know what it felt like.” I simply stared, my mind blanking for something to say. Mirai had kissed me. Mirai, who I had a crush on for 7 years. Mirai, who was my brother’s lover. This was more than I could handle right now. Mirai continued.

“We would never have worked out in the first place, and I think you know that Freya. You think you will be able to give your attention to someone when you’re done making sure everyone else is happy. But there will always be something. Someone will get sick, or someone will need your help. And you will run to help them and tear yourself apart doing so. I don’t like being second place. Besides, you need someone who will take care of you, like you try to take care of everyone else. Someone who will stop you from trying to sacrifice your own happiness. I’m not that person, and I know that you know that.”

I closed my eyes, exhaling a sharp breath that stung in my chest. She was right. There would always be something, and while I did care for Mirai, always had, I had never put her first like I did my family. Not even once. I suppose that was telling of my feelings for her. Apparently not that deep. I wasn’t so sure about the last part of her statement though. I wasn’t a person to be taken care of. I hadn’t been so for a long time. I was better when I took care of myself. Nonetheless, I breathed out the answer.

“I know.” And with that, it felt almost as if a weight had been lifted. It still hurt, and it would probably take a bit of time before the hurt truly stopped. But it would stop. It was as if a thread had been severed. Perhaps not cleanly, but it was finally cut.

I faced Mirai, looking into her face, her eyes watching me like a hawk, face carefully blank. But I saw her tail twitch in a slight 8 shaped pattern. Her tell. As well as she knew me, I also knew her. She was nervous. Had she done the right thing? I wasn’t sure. I’d preferred she hadn’t kissed me, even if it was the wakeup call I needed. It felt wrong when she was with my brother. But done was done, and I couldn’t say that it hadn’t been necessary.

I wiped away the tears that had started drying on my face and straightened up.

“Don’t mention this to Marko. Any of this. As much as you think I’m self-sacrificing, he takes that to another level.” She smiled, clearly a bit more at ease now that I wasn’t a crying mess anymore.

“It’ll be our little secret.” Her smile widened. “How embarrassing for you, having a crush on me for seven years. Ah, I’m so sad I don’t even get to tease you properly about it. Emika and Taro would laugh their asses off.” Of course she would immediately start teasing me about it. I rolled my eyes. The reminder that she had her fair share of annoying traits helped me feel a bit better, and also slightly sorry for Marko. He was the one who would have to deal with her from now on after all.

“Oh shut it.” I finally grabbed my cloak from the chair and moved past her to the door of the room. I looked back over my shoulder.

“Take good care of him. And please, please try to be careful with your father. I don’t want to have to gather 25.000 gold worth of diamonds for a resurrection again. Nor do I want to hunt down you father. And you know I will if I have to. Marko comes first, always.”

Mirai laughed. “There you go again with your self-sacrificing. Always so dramatic.” I rolled my eyes again and headed out the door. Feeling a bit lighter than I had felt ever since I discovered their relationship.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Mirai watched Freya leave, the smile fell from her face, and her brows furrowed one more, as her face shifted from teasing, to a softer, worried expression.

“You two remind me so much of each other. Perhaps that’s why…” She stopped herself from taking that thought any further. She had made her choice. While she knew she wasn’t right for Freya, she couldn’t help but feel that Freya could have been right for her. But this was one of the times where she wouldn’t be selfish. Because Mirai truly believed that Freya needed, and deserved, someone who would see the hurt girl behind the independent façade. The girl who truly believed that she needed to put herself last to be worthy of even just a scrap of love. The girl who tried to pay back any affection she was given with acts of service, tearing herself into pieces in the process. Marko, however many traits he shared with his sister, rested much more in himself, and that was what Mirai adored in him. She hoped Freya would find someone, someone who could teach her that she was worthy of love too.

#Long post #oc stuff #i know it lacks description and is not very well-written #but i really just needed to get it out #it helps me gather my thoughts so i don't sit floundering when this eventually comes up #because it will #anyway #this is not spellchecked #and i wrote this in the span of 2 hours #i'm probably going to look at this tomorrow and think why do you do this to yourself #delete later maybe?

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