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onlyswan · 5 months

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summary: in which leaving the past behind is not as easy as forgetting, and you want to be everything jungkook wants to know.

idol!jungkook x f!reader, est. relationship / angst, fluff / wc: 7.9k

playlist: strange by celeste / sinking by clairo / manta rays by chloe moriondo / ceilings by beabadoobee / iris (cover) by phoebe bridgers & maggie rogers

content/warnings: [deep breath] no one will know the violence it took to become this gentle / it’s their first winter as a couple / oc’s ex bf slaps oc / jk beats up the ex / blood and bruises / crying :( / mention of cheating (not in our main’s rs we don’t tolerate that in this household :]) / mention of s*x / jimin as both their older brother and friend :(

in which masterlist!

note: greeting 2024 with angst woopsie… i literally ugly sobbed writing a particular scene T_T… anwww i hope it’s a good read <3 as always reblogs and feedback are appreciated! i’d love to hear your thoughtsss 🥺

—

the word VICTORY flashes across the screen.

with a proud smirk adorning his lips, jungkook pushes down his headphones to hang around his neck.

he rises from his seat, resting his crossed arms over the partition dividing the computer that you’re renting from his.

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

he chuckles to himself when he realizes that you didn’t hear him, not with the music blasting from your headphones. you direct your attention upwards when endless song by no reply is abruptly put on pause; the cushions of the headphones are pressed up against your cheek by your boyfriend’s doing.

“what?”

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

“oh, yes…” your focus returns to the screen, fast fingers dancing along the keyboard without an ounce of hesitation weighing on them. “i just… need to… send the file to my email.”

jungkook blinks at the long rows of words you’re masterfully curating, thinking to himself — how the hell do you think and type that fast at the same time?

it was his suggestion to stay at a pc bang tonight so you could be together while you each do your own thing. he spent his half of his day-off playing games, and during that time, you worked on your research paper and finished an essay that isn’t even due for another week. you took a break every hour, munched on some snacks, and cheered him on while he was diligently playing. perhaps he could’ve done something more productive today, but it couldn’t have made him happier.

he holds out the last slice of gimbap in between chopsticks, lightly poking your lips, and his heart flutters when you offer him a sweet smile after welcoming the big bite with some difficulty, cheeks full and nose scrunched.

“is there anything else you want to eat?”

you shake your head, and unable to speak while chewing, you gesture for water as if you’re playing charades.

a kiss is granted to your forehead.

when he comes back with a bottled water, all your tabs have been closed and you’re wearing your white beret again, re-organizing your belongings in your backpack.

“ready to leave?” he inquires as he hands your order.

you hum as a reply, standing from your seat as you swing the backpack over your head to wear it with little to no effort.

jungkook thinks you’re so cool.

you visit the restroom as he settles the bill. when you come out, he’s already pulling out a credit card from his wallet. you decide to head straight for the door then, wait for him outside as the air inside the room has started to feel a little too stuffy after you stepped away from the computer.

you’ve always thought about it— how time stands still when you experience something traumatic, how that moment feels stretched for eternity… how utterly barbaric that is. you’re forced to memorize frames of the origin of your scars, relive it over and over again, eyes closed and open. moments of happiness, on the other hand, are fleeting. they are sand slipping through the gaps of your fingers. getting out of bed is scooping them in your hands and praying that they will hold on to you in the following rotations and revolutions of the earth. they never do.

there he stood at the bottom of the stairs, just as horrified as you.

his face is the last thing you want to see on a winter night.

because you still recall the amalgamation of emotions in his eyes two winters ago. his skin was flushed from the cold, but he turned redder with anger and your stomach coiled in shame.

“juwon?”

the name felt odd in your mouth. it’s like when you eat a food you haven’t had in a long time, and it doesn’t quite taste like you remember it.

and to be honest, you didn’t know what you expected to happen when he carried on to climb the remaining steps that led to you. but it definitely wasn’t… this.

the first hand to carress your bare body, as if it was in disbelief of its existence, and the rings you used to blindly adore— they collide with your cheek with a sound that resonates in your eardrums.

the slap thins out into a ringing noise.

“are you insane?!”

it continues to assault your hearing even as you scream and hit him back.

it ends when someone bumps against your shoulder in a haste, and the next thing you register is juwon lying on the ground with jungkook sitting on top him, balled fist throwing unforgiving punches at your ex-boyfriend’s face. juwon is held hostage by the shock and is unable to reciprocate jungkook’s aggression. he attempts to fight back but your boyfriend dodges easily.

“jungkook! stop, stop, stop!”

you run down the stairs with panic thundering in your chest, nearly in tears as you forcefully grasp at the back of jungkook’s coat to pull him away, but with his strength and the adrenaline flowing through his veins, your efforts prove to be fruitless.

“you fucking bastard! i’m gonna kill you!”

“that’s enough-” you cry out. “please!”

“how dare you lay a hand on my girlfriend like that, huh?!”

he is furious, gripping the collar of juwon’s sweater and slamming him to the ground.

“your girl?” coughing, juwon faces the side to spit out the blood in his mouth, which then shapes into an arrogant smirk. “didn’t you know? ____ was mine first. i was the first!”

the next punch he receives cuts his lower lip open, and a stronger metallic taste assaults his tongue.

“jungkook!”

before jungkook could inflinct more permanent damage, you resort to holding back his arm with both of your hands.

your gazes connect, and your heart drops to your stomach. he is seething with anger. your blood runs cold and a thick haze clouds your thinking. you can’t move your limbs. what do you do? what do you do? what do you do?

“____, let go. i’m not fucking finished with him.”

“please,” you beg, ignorant of the tears that have begun to slide down your cheeks. “that’s enough. look at him!”

“and why should i care?” he spits out as he shrugs you off.

“ah, jungkook! i said that’s enough! why won’t you listen to me?!”

your desperate tantrum falls on deaf ears. you squeeze your eyes shut when he re-assumes his stance, tucks his thumb over his folded fingers, exactly what he taught you about making a proper fist to avoid injuring one’s self when boxing.

“stop it! you’re scaring me!”

that throws a bucket of ice over jungkook’s head. the anger in his eyes is replaced by vacancy, and with that, juwon seizes the opportunity to finally strike him with a jab and escape from underneath him. jungkook finds himself pushed aside on the ground with a throbbing cheek, mostly likely to be noticeably bruised in the next hours.

“love-” you gasp, and you rush over to him but your path gets rudely obstructed by your ex.

“is this the guy you cheated on me with?”

he is extremely near that you can feel him panting on your face. two years later, your stomach coils in disgust. your glare is venomous, and if only looks could kill, if only looks could kill…

“just leave, won’t you? what’s the point of all this?” you roughly push him away with your remaining shred of energy, driven by exhaustion and frustration. “it was so long ago! get a fucking grip!”

he huffs in disbelief as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth. it also drips from his nose and eyebrow. strange enough, you do not feel guilt nor compassion for this man. not anymore.

“are you seriously crying just because he got punched one time…? isn’t that a little unfair? you loved me too. once.” he snickers, but he is visibly pissed off. he can no longer look at you in the eye. “shit, is he that much of a better fuck than me?”

your skin crawls. bile creeps up your throat. technically speaking, this is the consequence of your own actions, but you can’t help but to be resentful.

“you are…” your voice trembles, but your glare remains unwavering. “still as despicable and shallow as ever… and i don’t regret what i did.”

and it may have been a long time ago, but you still know how to hit him where it hurts the most— his ego.

you purposely bump against his shoulder as you make your way to jungkook, leaving him speechless as he stares at the ground. the night the two of you broke up, you were crying and begging him for forgiveness… what the fuck happened?

“let’s go home.” you demand quietly while refusing to meet jungkook’s stare— a mix of confusion, offense, and rage.

but the thing about juwon? he always needs to have the last word.

“you better keep a close eye. you might think you know ____, but whores never change. especially those who became one so young.”

“dude, how are you still speaking?!”

it’s too late when you realize that jungkook has left your side. he swings at juwon’s face with a force that sends the man stumbling backwards. he completely loses balance then collapses on the ground with a curse that almost misses your ears.

“don’t ever go near ____ again! don’t even think of it! if you show your face to me again, i might really end up fucking killing you. you hear me?!”

—

jungkook doesn’t recall a time when he felt a rage this intense and consuming. witnessing you get slapped, his vision went dark and he was shaking with fury. everything was a blur after that, but he knew one thing: this man violated the most precious person to him, and he won’t allow him to get away with that unscathed.

and that must be why he feels restless until now. neither one of you has dared to utter a word for the past couple of minutes. he can’t see your face as you’re walking ahead of him, leading the way with his wrist in your cold hand. however, he can hear your sniffles, and he can see you wiping your tears dry with the back of your hand. he thought he has experienced heartbreak, but this pain cuts deeper than anything he has ever felt.

“baby, let’s go back.”

he breaks the silence, standing infront of you to stop you on your tracks. he almost reeks of desperation as he intertwines your fingers together.

“please? there should be a cctv camera infront. we can sue him.”

“are you even hearing yourself? you’ll also get into trouble!”

his insistence only fuels the urge to cry and scream and break things. it’s an understatement to say that you’re ashamed. it was foolish of you, really, to assume that leaving the past behind would be as easy as forgetting. it may be out of sight but it is everywhere, and it sneaks up on you without tell and mercy.

“you attacked him out of nowhere! he can sue you for that too!”

“out of nowhere?” he repeats your words slowly, hurt flashing across his face. “i was protecting you, ____! who knows what else he could’ve done? and the shit he was talking about you? was i just supposed to stand there and do nothing?”

“and i’m protecting you too! why did you even have to punch him again?! he was obviously just trying to provoke you! god, i-” you release the air in your lungs you didn’t realize you’ve been holding. “thank god he didn’t see your face.”

that struck a nerve for some reason. he harshly rips off the mask that has been concealing half of his face all along.

“he hit you! look- fuck, you’re bleeding-”

oh, his rings must’ve grazed you.

jungkook brings out a clean white handkerchief from the backpocket of his pants, pressing it softly against your cheek. the sharp sting forces you to grit your teeth. it’s not only the wound… your skin is still warm and tender from the assault. you’re terrified to look at the mirror. you don’t want to feel sorry for yourself.

“and that’s what you’re really worried about right now?”

“okay, then i’m sorry for caring about my boyfriend and his career! i’m sorry, okay?!“

he dies a little inside when you harshly push his hand aside.

so this is what it feels like to be at the other end of your anger… shitty. it feels really shitty. after what happened, there is no sadness or fear. the twinkle in your eyes have been replaced with sharp daggers and it is gutwrenching to watch. it clicks for him then: you weren’t scared of him. you were scared for him.

he doesn’t allow you to go further than ten feet away. he seizes your arm before sneaking his hand on your waist to tug you closer to his body.

“you think i’m letting you out of my sight again? it’s not happening!”

you click your tongue in exasperation, left with no choice but to admit defeat as he hails the approaching taxi. you cover your face to hide from the blinding headlights.

ever the gentleman, jungkook opens the door for you.

“get in, ____.”

and the first thought that enters your mind: the air freshener is nauseating. it has to be something mixed with lemon.

you roll the window down as your boyfriend dictates the address of your destination to the taxi driver. not yours, but his. you send him an unimpressed scowl, but he only looks back at you challengingly under the warm dim light. the soft cloth is placed over your wound again, rudely snatched as you turn away from him. you hold it on your own as you watch the world outside the window, streetlamps with blurry light streaks and homes you will never set foot into. in the midst of your musing, you register the weight on your head, or its lack thereof. your beret landed on the ground in the aftermath of the first strike. what is there left to lose?

you thought you could be happy at last, but beside you is another soul you’ve stained with your bloody hands.

juwon was right, you never change.

—

“i still don’t think it’s right that i know the password.” you whisper as you push the door open.

“but i have a key to your house. what’s the difference?”

“i don’t know…” you begin removing your boots, carefully placing each one in the middle level of the shoe rack. “you live with six other people.”

“namjoon-hyung and yoongi-hyung are in their studios. the others went home.”

you enter the living room with jungkook hugging you from behind. his cheek rests on top of your shoulder, and he doesn’t want to let you go. the ride here was suffocating. he thought you wouldn’t talk to him for the rest of the night anymore.

you blink at jimin who is sprawled out on the sofa, a gray blanket that matches his sweatpants is covering his naked torso.

“why does he sleep here? doesn’t he have a bed?”

“the sofa is more comfortable.” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear as he opens his eyes halfway, but then he gives up and closes them again, curling in on himself to resume his slumber.

“okay… now i know what to get you for your birthday.”

for a brief second jungkook assumes that you’re joking, but you sounded way too nonchalant.

“a sofa?”

“a new mattress,” you blankly stare back at him, before proceeding to break free from his embrace to search for the bathroom.

he follows you like a lost puppy, whining. “why does he already have a birthday gift and i don’t?!”

“quiet!”

he winces. “sorry, hyung!”

—

you’re perched in the space between jungkook’s thighs, legs swung over one of them as he tenderly presses a cold compress against your left cheek. you’ve changed into the pair of pink cooky pajamas he wore a few times and has kept in his closet specially for you. sinking into his mattress, drowsiness has also begun to seep into the depths of your bones. it’s been an arduous week, and you’re exhausted of fighting in every sense of the word.

“he deserves more than what he got away with.” he mutters through gritted teeth.

“jungkook, enough.” you chide at him with a sigh. “let’s just forget about this.”

“your face is going to be bruised for atleast a week! how am i supposed to ‘just forget’? are you hearing yourself?”

your rhetoric question from earlier comes back to gnaw at your thread-like sanity. you feel backed into a corner. you can’t think of a solution that will put this issue at rest, much less make either one of you feel better.

“he’s not worth it.”

“you are to me.” he declares.

it’s impossible to argue with that. you want it to stay true. you want him to keep believing in you.

“i’m tired.” you whisper, removing yourself from his lap. “let’s go to sleep.”

he gazes at you with longing.

you are lying on his bed but you have never felt so far away.

“are we really not going to talk about this?”

“not now. i’m tired, jungkook.”

“baby…”

“juwon is a terrible person, but i had it coming…” you mumble. “that’s all there is to it.”

foreboding silence falls upon the bedroom. you can’t bring yourself to look at jungkook, so you close your eyes and pray that when the sun rises, this night will simply turn out to be a nightmare orchestrated by your wicked mind.

“whatever that is, it doesn’t warrant what he did.” he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, and it takes everything in you not to fall apart into a thousand shards. “and i’m sorry that i couldn’t stop it from happening.”

—

jungkook returns after his shower, not yet done with drying his dripping hair with a towel. you’ve drifted off to sleep in the time that he was gone, lips slightly parted open as you breathe out puffs of air in a steady rhythm. your hair is a halo and you’re an angel snoozing on a cloud.

he heard it loud and clear, and you haven’t denied it either, but there’s not a part of him that believes it. is he blindly in love with you? is this what he was warning him about? are you not an angel, but a siren?

wary of waking you up, he attaches a bandaid to your cheek. he flicks the lightswitch but he turns on the night lamp so you won’t have to manuever the dark incase you wake up in the middle of the night in need of the bathroom.

shit, shit, shit. he curses in his head when you begin shuffling as soon as he settles himself on the bed, but it’s just you unknowingly seeking for warmth in your sleep. he gathers you in his arms and your pillow is abandoned in favor of his naked chest. it always feels fitting, like his heart is the stuffed toy that you can’t go without at night.

he swallows the lump in his throat, brushing your hair away from your face to gently caress your soft skin. you look so serene. but your ex’s fingers can be traced on the red bruise that has tainted your cheek and his jaw clenches, hand momentarily balling into a fist to release the leftover anger still boiling in his blood. everyday, you feel the need to act tough because of people like him, and you are… but deep down, he knows, that you just crave to be loved.

“you loved me too. once.”

however, that has lost its meaning when juwon didn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved.

and jungkook admits it’s not as easy for him to do in a whole different dimension. he leads a kind of life not everyone survives, but that never stopped him for trying his damn hardest.

—

you’re awoken in the middle of the night by jungkook’s forehead accidentally knocking against yours. his snoring doesn’t cease, however, and you had to remind yourself that this is the same boy who continued sleeping despite rolling off his inflated sleeping bag on camera.

you slowly sit up as you rub the sleep from your eyes. you spend an unknown amount of time spaced out, barely blinking. afterwards, you force yourself to leave the comfort of the bed, taking the cold compress along with you. you drain the melted ice over the kitchen sink before opening the refrigerator to refill it with ice cubes. you can’t help but to allow your eyes to wander around, which then leads you to contemplate on whether to cook ramen or not… but then again, it’s already 3am and most likely, you won’t be able to sleep again if you do.

“yah! why are doing just standing there?”

the deep voice echoes throughout the kitchen. you yelp in shock, nearly dropping the ice bag as you tap on your pounding chest.

“i told you to stop doing that!”

jimin bursts into a fit of too delighted giggles, hunched over the kitchen counter as he places a hand over his belly. he’s fully clothed this time, fresh from the shower, judging from his hair.

“it’s not funny!” you whine. “one of these days i might be holding a knife when you do that!”

“ey, what would you be holding a knife for? jungkook never lets you lift a finger while you’re here.”

that’s just because he knows you’re not very talented in the kitchen.

the wide smile on his face then fades, expression morphing into one of concern as he studies your face bathed by the refrigerator light.

“what happened to your face?”

fuck, you’ve completely forgotten about that.

“it’s a long story.” you sigh, closing the refrigerator.

“it’s alright. i have all the time in the world to listen.”

“you know that i really appreciate that and i’m grateful but…” your smile borders on a wince. “no, you don’t. get some more sleep, please.”

your unexpected response causes jimin to scratch his head shyly. the two of you stare at each other for a few seconds before laughing at the same time.

“oh, that’s right!” you pause on your tracks when an essential item pops in your mind. “do you have healing ointment? for cuts and bruises and stuff?”

“it’s for jungkook,” you add.

“doesn’t he have that?”

“it’s not here,”

your sweet smile tells jimin everything he needs to know.

“ah, that kid really comes home to different houses now. he’s all grown up.”

“…and how many exactly?” you arch an eyebrow.

he purses his lips together, jokingly pretending to think hard. “the dorm… and then his family… then there’s you?”

“anywhere else?”

“nope!”

“sooo, do you have it or not?”

“i’ll go downstairs and buy it right now.”

he offers you a kind smile and pats on the head. a protest dies down in your throat as he goes straight for the front door.

“thank you!”

“you’re welcome!”

—

despite your active efforts to avoid making any sort of noise, the door produces a small ‘click’ as you cautiously close it behind you. you discover that jungkook has flipped over to face your side, his arm outstretched as if he was reaching out for you. you almost feel bad for leaving him alone in bed, so you sit next to him, positioned on the lower half of the bed since he took up your space.

a short snore escapes him, one that rises then falls so abruptly, like a note on the piano pressed on accident. you cover your mouth to muffle your giggle.

how adorable. you have grown to tolerate, and even adore, his snoring.

stolen kisses on his bruised knuckles, tiny and featherlight, apologetic most of all. their bad condition brought upon by boxing worsened when he used his dominant hand bare, knuckles of his two longest fingers ripped. it seems that he did the bare minimum by putting a stop to the bleeding then washing them clean, then nothing else. he didn’t even tell you, didn’t complain or show any sign that he was in pain.

you hold the cold compress over his bruises, switching between his cheek and knuckles, mindful of not touching the wounds as to not aggravate him in his sleep.

you’ve been stripped down bare— your pride and dignity dismantled into pieces that create a picture of you that you do not like… but could be the love and sincerity in your heart be enough to live by? even if no one is awake to witness it?

you’re saved from drowning in your thoughts by the front door being unlocked. for the second time, you tiptoe your way out of jungkook’s bedroom.

“this is for wounds, and then…” jimin returns the tube inside the paper bag to grab the other. “this one, for bruises.”

“thank you. i’ll pay you back.”

“yah!” jimin expands his eyes threateningly, which you mimic in challenge as you hug the paper bag to your chest. “i’m also your older brother, okay? i should do these things for you.”

you scrunch your nose, to express disagreement at first, but later on it only makes your smile appear brighter.

“doesn’t it hurt you to smile? please use them well too, ____. do you understand? that’s why i bought the biggest ones!”

it does hurt.

“thank you…” you reply shyly.

you’ve forgotten how it feels like to be taken care of by family.

—

“baby, where did you go?”

jungkook’s raspy voice is music to your ears.

he woke up a mere minute ago, caught in the middle of sitting up on the bed once it caught up to his sleep-muddled brain that you’re no longer beside him.

“nowhere,”

you sit at the edge of the bed without another word, putting his hands over your lap to apply the healing cream to his afflictions.

his eyelids flutter in sleepiness as he watches your every movement.

a small dollop at the pad of your finger, transferred over his torn knuckle and smeared with the lightest of touch. occasionally your finger pauses, unsure, calculating— the last thing it wants is to hurt him.

he kisses your lips— he feels suspended in time—hasn’t quite reconnected with reality and with his body. wide-eyed, you seem taken aback by the display of affection. his mouth then softly curves with fondness.

“i love you.”

“i love you, too.” you whisper timidly.

your actions have become hurried, but jungkook is far too drowsy to notice your discomfort.

for the final part, you rub the cream on the bruise on his cheek. you press a kiss on the corner of his lips. “all done. go back to sleep.”

“let’s go,”

he hooks his arm under your knees, eager to carry you over to your side of the bed, but he gets interrupted by your protest.

“wait, wait, wait- i need to pee first.”

“wha- hurry!” he complains with a peeved frown, which you fail to catch a glimpse of because he has squeezed you taut against his body. “i won’t be able to sleep without you here.”

—

eternally cursed with the ability to feel too much of everything.

you push your back against the bathroom door, breathing heavy and labored as you blindly pat around for its lock. the click serves as the cue for your salty tears to drip from the edges of your eyelashes, cascading down, down, down your chin. some of them crash on the collar of your pajama top, the rest on the white tiled floor. this room is a stranger to your shipwreck, but old habits die hard.

the intense pressure of the water collides with the porcelain sink. rain and thunder and the gusts of wind being your gasps for air. an isolated storm undetected in the city of seoul you’re forced to brave alone, on the floor, tucked into yourself to protect the beating sacredness inside your ribcage. the sobs claw their way up your throat rather than soaring like exhales do.

no one has ever raised their hand at you. not even your parents. not even when you broke your grandmother’s precious china, or lost their big paper bills to the wind, or cursed at them for embarrassing you infront of your friends.

you want to be mad and say that juwon deserved what he got. you want to say that you hope his nose is broken. but you don’t know how one is supposed to react when something like that happens. you don’t know if it justifies everything after that. if the roles were reversed and you slapped him, won’t no one bat an eye?

…and you know jungkook has questions you still haven’t figured out how to answer. you know he now has reasons to doubt you. you know in his eyes, you may now be a hypocrite and not the advocate he adored. these days, you don’t really want to be seen as anything less or more than who you are, but you so desperately wish to be someone he is proud to love.

you feel mocked for even daring to dream of it.

“i’m tired, i’m tired, i’m tired.”

incoherent mumbles further stirs the unbridled chaos.

“i’m so sick of this. why… why do bad things keep happening to me?”

you don’t expect an answer but you yearn for some sort of meaning. you don’t mind suffering but you wish it could only be to an extent where you don’t have to fear.

echoes of rumbles and thunder. you’re nearer the sky but farther from heaven.

—

it’s been more than a week. you’ve been waking up with a gaping hole in the middle of your torso. you climb out of bed, cover up your cheek with make-up, good as new, and go about your day as if nothing happened. life on its own is already too much of a burden for you.

jungkook checks up on you everyday, though, despite his busy schedule. mostly through the phone, and whenever he can, he goes straight to where you are after work to dote on you no matter the time. he kisses you on the cheek, claims himself to have healing properties, and says i love you. and during those periods of time you were together, he hasn’t said another word about the incident. and it has been driving you absolutely insane.

you glance down at him, sat on the floor with an ipad balanced on top of his propped up knees, wearing one of your anti-radiation glasses as he finds himself absorbed in drawing the view a foot away from him. you.

“why do you keep looking at me?” he scolds you lightheartedly. “go back to studying so we can go to sleep.”

“can’t help it,” you mumble as you reposition your pen over the paper. you’ve been reorganizing your notes the whole night for your upcoming tests, but your mind keeps flying everywhere else. “my boyfriend’s too pretty.”

“ah, it can’t be helped then. sorry about that.” he smirks cockily, pulling the dramatics by switching his eyes between you and his back. “should… should i turn around then?”

“did you box again?”

the accusation is spat out before you can think twice.

“oh, you did. your knuckles are all messed up again.”

he pouts, crossing his legs. “but baby, i have to train... i wrapped my hands properly!”

“still,” you sigh. “can’t you just let them heal for a little while?”

you turn to the cabinet on your other side to bring out the pouch of healing ointments you’re now suspecting he brought and didn’t accidentally leave behind.

you lay out your hand, and jungkook puts his on top of yours, dragging himself close.

you both smile when you see that he has laid his hands over your thighs like he’s getting a manicure. silly boy. you pull them closer by his fingers so you can reach his red knuckles.

“why are you trying so hard?”

your finger is stained with his blood. your voice is as gentle as your touches, and that’s why it hurts.

jungkook doesn’t know either. he’s been trying to extinguish his leftover anger and bitterness through work and boxing— suppressing the onslaught of negative thoughts threatening to poison what the two of you have. jungkook doesn’t want to know. he doesn’t want anything to change. right now, he can’t afford them to.

“there’s no one to fight.”

“turns out there is,” he argues.

he regrets it as soon as your hand trembles.

“it’s okay… to ask. we’re in a relationship. you’re entitled to know things like that.” your eyes are unafraid again, and it scares him, like you’re always prepared to let him go. “i won’t get offended, or anything like that. if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“i trust you,” he says simply. “so i don’t need to know. especially if talking about it makes you uncomfortable. it’s okay… we’re okay, baby.”

stillness washes over the room like a tide that swallows everything up, and for a moment jungkook is convinced that the two of you will never bring it up again.

but the words you utter next are a punch to the gut.

they almost sound like a plead.

“but i can’t live my life that way, jungkook.”

strands of your hair descend to your face, framing it perfectly, but your eyes become hidden from view. you rip a bandaid open and blanket it over his two knuckles, still wounded as before, if not worse.

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know…” because there will be things i’d want to tell you, but wouldn’t feel the need to.

“then tell me,” he replies, prompted by a renewed determination. “i don’t just intend to be with you for a long time. i want way more than that.”

—

jungkook fiddles with the hello kitty bandaid using his thumb, mind reeling and grappling to process the overload of information told by your storytelling voice. all of a sudden, he’s grateful that you decided to lie down on the bed for this conversation.

“juwon was your boyfriend before me, no?”

“no, no, no. he was…” your lips part as if you have something more left to say, but you eventually give up. “yup, no.”

“so you found out that he’s been cheating on you for-for two mo-”

“three-”

“three months, and you…” he blinks. “slept with a stranger and let him catch you?”

“i was really petty. i was seventeen after all… my pride couldn’t take it. my friends- they tried to stop me but… but all i could think of was how to make him feel the way i was feeling.” your voice sounds small, smaller as you squeeze yourself into his side and curl up to hide your face. “so i let him think i was the bad guy.”

he understands that you were vengeful, but he doesn’t know if you comprehend the scale of what you have done.

“he looked so sad and hurt that i started to feel guilty. i don’t know if i was still acting when i was apologizing to him.” you scoff with eyebrows knitted together. “i felt so dirty… i still feel like a bad person, you know?”

you took the face of juwon’s demons and he didn’t like what he saw.

“i had it coming,” — he now has a grasp of what you meant before.

“so how has he been doing this to me for such a long time? how does he stomach it? knowing what i was going through? that’s what i thought… it makes me so upset…”

jungkook doesn’t try to assess you as you speak. he only listens, until your voice cracks. his heart is split into two as tears flood your eyes, escaping past the corners and slipping down to soak the fabric of his t-shirt.

you sniffle. “and the sex wasn’t even that great. i regret it even more.”

he flinches, abruptly squeezing his eyes shut. not that great? okay… okay. the mental image of you being physically intimate with someone that isn’t him definitely doesn’t sicken him to his core. at all. nope, nope, nope.

“fuck, baby, please,” he groans as if he is in pain, putting an arm over his eyes. “hearing about you have sex with other guys is making me want to punch something again. fuck.”

“that’s what you took away from the story?”

“yes!” he exclaims with conviction. “we should’ve met a year earlier. i would’ve let you use me!”

you gasp, scandalized. “oh my god! jungkook!”

“argh-” he animatedly clutches at his chest that caught your fist.

“you’re crazy!”

“uhuh, about you.” he proudly replies, pulling you closer to his side, as if that was still possible.

the subtle upwards of the corners of your lips gives him a sense of relief. he tenderly cups your cheek, his thumb ghosting over the bruise that has turned a darker shade of blue and purple.

“listen to me, i- i’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong. i’m not that type of person. but what i can do tell you is that this…” he briefly shakes his head. “didn’t change the way i see you at all. he hurt you. he cheated and you were hurt, ____.”

your eyes gleam with uncertainty, a fresh wave of tears threatening to escape. “are you sure?”

“of course i am. why wouldn’t i be sure?”

“because you’re crazy about me.”

the sweet innocence of your eyelashes fluttering elicits a chuckle from him. you’re so fucking cute.

“that’s the reason i’m sure.” he tilts up your chin to plant a kiss to your lips, mumbling. “i’ve never been wrong about anything i’m crazy about.”

“thank you,” you say quietly, melting into his embrace. you nuzzle your face against his chest, and at last, you grant your eyes rest. “i can finally sleep peacefully again.”

fuck, it’s been weighing on you this whole time and he didn’t know.

“i’m sorry i only dated assholes before you.”

“aish, why would you be sorry about such a thing?” he kisses the top of your head, gentleness contradicting his following sentence. “i’d crush each one of those assholes for you.”

and he’d beat himself up the worst if he ever becomes one of them.

you yawn, sniffling right after. “mhm, i bet you will.”

he carefully rolls over to the side so he can wrap both arms around you, and you keen in contentment.

“jungkook?”

“yes, baby?” he coos.

“i… really… love you so, so, so much. you are… the one person i’d die for before i hurt.”

goddammit, it’s an angel sleeping in his arms.

“that’s a relief to hear. you’re very smart and scary when you’re mad.”

“eh, jungkook! i swear i’ve grown up! i’m not like that anymore!”

“okay, okay!” he laughs at your childish whining and squirming as he ushers you back in his embrace. “i believe you! i trust you! i love you too!”

—

although you spend more nights together in your apartment for your safety and convenience, in all honesty, you like staying over at jungkook’s more. his smell evokes the sentiment of home, and when you stay long enough, it becomes a temporary part of you. you’re gradually more well-versed in the organized and unorganized corners of his room. you like that you know where he keeps the safety pins and you know to be careful when walking so you won’t trip over his dumbbells he leaves lying around. and it’s a little ridiculous but… you like that his mattress is on the floor and you don’t really know why.

your boyfriend is still blissfully asleep as you climb over him, landing on the floor without a sound like a veteran spy. however, you rush to step out of the room before the rumbling of your empty stomach could wake him up.

“yah, thief! what do you think you’re doing?!”

“fuck!” the pack of ramen hits the floor when your hands fly to your chest to clutch at your painfully pounding heart. “i swear to god, you’re going to kill me one day!”

and unsurprisingly, your chagrin is countered yet again with jimin’s all too pleased laughter.

“____, you look so suspicious! why are you using a flashlight? we have electricity! we can pay for it!”

“i don’t like it too bright, okay?” you grumble as you pick up your supposed midnight meal.

“let’s just turn on this one then.”

“uh-” the objection dies down in your throat when the light over the dining table was switched on.

“i’m hungry, too. grab two more packs of ramyeon, please.”

“who’s the other one for?”

jimin fills the pot with water from the sink while you pick up two more of the same pack from the pantry.

“just us. don’t you agree that one pack is too small for one person?”

“it’s just enough for me though?” you rip open the packs one by one to retrieve the packets of seasonings. “with your job, though, i’d definitely have a bigger appetite.”

“alright,” he pouts, pretending to be upset. “let’s have just two then.”

“no, no, no-” you chase his hand, tightly gripping the last pack that he stole. “let’s have three! let’s have three! i didn’t eat dinner!”

—

“my mom brought a lot of kimchi yesterday. there’s an entire box in the fridge. i’ll pack you some before you leave later.”

“put some more in,” you say cutely as you peer down at the pot of ramen beside jimin. “please?”

he chuckles, adhering to your request before handing the container to you.

“thank you!”

you hop on the counter infront of the stove, chewing on a mouthful of kimchi with a joy akin to a child receiving a sweet treat. leaving the ramen to cook for the next five minutes, jimin sits a few feet away.

“aigoo, are you that hungry?”

“this is so delicious!” you praise his mother’s cooking instead of answering the question. “i can really eat this on its own.”

“ey, don’t fill yourself up yet! we have a lot of ramyeon to eat!”

“sorry, sorry!”

your giggles fill the apartment with warmth during this freezing winter. jimin didn’t doubt it when jungkook said that you light up every room you enter, he just didn’t expect that he would also gain a friend.

“how’s your cheek?”

“as you can see,” you motion at your face. “yellow. soooo… uglier.”

“that means it’s healing well.”

“i know,” the apples of your cheek become plump as your lips curve. “it no longer hurts to smile.”

“that’s a relief to hear,” he returns your kind smile. “jungkook has been worried about you.”

that’s the end of what he can tell you. jungkook won’t be pleased if you learn that he cried when he talked about the horrible thing that happened to you.

“thank you,”

“huh? for what?”

“being jungkook’s happiness.”

from his peripheral vision, he perceives your surprise. however, he is too flustered to meet your eyes while he is speaking from the bottom of his heart.

“the past year was physically and mentally draining for the team. as you know, we… we were considering giving up and disbanding. and of course it’s hard on all of us, but i’m really, really worried about jungkook. but!”

he chuckles at the dramatic rise of his own voice.

“i’m less worried now that you’re in his life. and i’m not saying this to put pressure on you or anything! but you see, when he’s tired, he bounces back quickly because of you. he’s smiling more because of you. and i know it goes it also goes the other way around. mhmm… i-i guess what i’m saying is that i hope you can continue being each other’s strength? be each other’s cheerleader?”

you have begun to feel emotional as you listened to his sincere and heartwarming words, but you can’t help but to cackle at the fact that you just witnessed the park jimin say the word ‘cheerleader’ while daintily waving his hands around as they were holding pompoms. how awfully endearing.

“…or something like that.”

uncontrollable giggles vibrate his body, dramatically slipping down the counter and onto the tiled floor to enshroud himself in extreme sheepishness.

“ah, ____! this is driving me crazy! don’t laugh!”

“what are you doing lying on the floor?” you playfully scold him, recording with your phone in secret. “why do i suddenly feel like the older one?”

“what’s with the noise?”

you whip your head around, wide curious eyes greeted with a shirtless jungkook who is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“is that ramyeon…? i want some too.”

jimin groans when he feels your foot poke him lightly.

“mister, can we add more? my googie is hungry too.”

—

“hyung, ____ told me something recently that really put a lot of things into perspective.”

and with that, jimin pours another bottle of beer in his and jungkook’s ice-filled mugs. “let me hear it.”

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know. at first i didn’t understand what it meant? then after we talked, something clicked for me. ahhh, i see it now. ____ didn’t want us to trust each other blindly… because that… that isn’t a good… foundation? for something that i want to last for a very long time. you, me, the members… don’t we all trust each other because we know that we’re good people to our core and we’re good at what we do? isn’t that why we have come this far, and why we keep going? besides army, of course!”

jimin blinks lazily, glossy eyes from the alcohol underneath it all. “that’s right. we wouldn’t have started this anyway… without that kind of trust. i don’t think it’s a connection you can just build with anyone too.”

“oh, that’s it. that’s right!”

“living together for a long time doesn’t guarantee it.”

“exactly.” jungkook nods repeatedly, probably too passionately, a guaranteed ticket for a hangover later on. “we talked about that last time too.”

“right? so we should protect it… maintain it… never lose sight of our purpose…”

the lack of words that follow does not equate to silence. glasses clink against each other and teeth rip bags of chips open and noodles are slurped. they’re overseas and they can’t go to a korean restaurant and grill their own meat. the hotel steak would take forever to arrive and quite frankly, they had it yesterday and it was not good. this is not exactly ideal, but it has its own charm.

jungkook takes another swig of the bittersweet alcohol, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards.

“____ has become an important part of my life that i would do anything to protect too. how do i say it…?” he exhales to relieve the heavy weight on his chest. “i feel like i gained more purpose in life, hyung… to be honest, i might have a harder time because of that. i know it but… i’m happy. seriously, i’m happy.”

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

#jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook drabble #jungkook scenario #jungkook one shot #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook au #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fluff #bts reaction #jungkook smut

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flowersandbigteeth · 1 month

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Hiiii 😭New in blog!

Do you have any tips/source in writing orcs?

Bc planning to do some bc got the spark your fics an inspiration 😩😩🙌

Halllooo! Welcome! 🥰 I started answering this question and it got so long 😭 I could honestly write an essay on this, there's so much to think about. So my candid thoughts are below 👇🏽

As far as pop culture goes: I generally like Durotan in the warcraft movie as my favorite Orc "look". I'm not too inspired by Tolkien's Orcs personally, but technically the DnD Orcs are based on that description. I started out basing my Orcs and half Orcs on the DnD races and elder scrolls online (orsimer are an orc like race) and then it grew into developing my own lore.

The DnD community is great because there are a lot of OCs to consider for reference and spin off games and lore, though (not saying you would, just for those who need to be reminded) you shouldn't steal other people's OCs. You can browse OCs on toyhouse and Pinterest, as well. Warhammer, Magic, and Warframe also have orc type characters to look at for character design ideas. Tolkien originally developed his Orcs from old English monsters, so that would be an interesting rabbit hole to jump down for inspiration.

Aside from the aesthetics there is a big pitfall to look out for when writing Orcs specifically:

Orcs started out as a villain race, but I find that extremely reductive. Orcs deserve culture, art, motives, and a spectrum of personalities. Tolkien's Orcs have been criticized as well as DnD rules about Orcs. I'm not going to do a deep dive into that because there is a lot to parse through. You can look it up if it interests you. There is far, far more discussion on it than I'm going to get into right now.

But my ultra, ultra simplified take away from what I've read is it's important to acknowledge the personhood of any character you write. And that's true for any writing really. Not to say you can't write an orc as a villain, but, for example, there is difference between writing a mindless killing machine and a villain with a personality, motive, strengths and weaknesses, and backstory if that makes sense.

If they are a mindless killing machine, there should be a reason other than Orc=bad. What happened to them to make them that way? Is there a societal expectation that they are trying to live up to? Do they have an internal struggle about it or do they feel justified for their violence? Are they under a spell or brainwashed? Why is that?

Villains are tricky because you want a satisfying ending, the villain may be complex, but they have to reach a point of no return where the hero has to act. So what was it that sent them off the edge? Vanity? Greed? Revenge? Etc.

Separate from Orcs it is a good way to look at all monster writing. As the counterpart to "born sexy yesterday" I think "born evil yesterday" is also kinda blah.

I'm not at all going to say I am great at this, it's often hard to create full, complex characters in short fiction but it's something to strive for. I'm sure I have characters on this blog I could have developed better, but I try to keep it in the back of my mind the more I learn about writing.

It's the same for an Orc hero. Orcs aren't dumb, malleable studs. I personally like expanding on Orcs canon skills (strength, loyalty, stamina, leadership) and flesh them out. Saber is strong, but he's also nimble and charming. Reven is big and can be scary, but is skilled in style and fashion, as well as being steadfast and loyal. Cedar is a warrior but studious and kind. Golmad loves weapons and is a leader but also gentle and good humored.

For visual ideas, I look at a lot of different styles and cultures, but it usually has a lot to do with the environment. I like to look at ye olde hairstyle and clothing ideas relevant to the place the Orcs are from, if that makes sense? Like if they lived in the artic you'd look for cultures that live in cold weather and draw inspiration from the materials they would have at hand for processing, sewing, and decorating.

In general, I tend to lean on more traditional depictions of mountain Orcs, but jazzed up? I don't like ripped, careless dirty rags, but clean, utilitarian and neatly cut leather and furs, as they are big hunters there rather than farmers. If they live in a village or town they'd wear whatever is in fashion, cotton or linen. Where are they from, their social class, and what types of clothes would be best for that environment are good questions to ask when developing costumes, next their personality. Whether they are vain, utilitarian, or cocky and like to roll around with their shirt off. 😸 I think keeping the environment and personality at the forefront of your mind, you won't fall into cliche traps. There's nothing wrong with having dirty ripped clothes but if it doesn't make any sense in the context of the world you're building it flattens the character. The assumption that Orcs are filthy or unskilled at tailoring by nature doesn't work for me.

Idk without going on too long, I hope some of that helps?

#sweet asks #sweet anons #orc lore #orc headcanons #orc boyfriend #monster romance

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just-a-carrot · 9 months

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Possible Our Wonderland Fanwork Contest (please vote!)

HEY ALL

So I've never done anything like this before. Mostly because I am super awkward and anxious and also assume no one would join and then I'd be super sad and look like a doof. So I wanted to do a poll and gauge interest first.

Since this month I'm so out and about with family stuff and also am just a bit burned out so am a bit slow and quiet on posting stuff so I feel a bit guilty, I began ruminating on whether some kind of fanwork contest could be fun over the next month or so. However, I don't want to do it if no one would be interested, thus the poll:

My initial idea for it would be something where people could submit either art or fic (i guess other types of writing would also be fine, too, like if you wanted to write some sort of essay or analysis LOL unsure if anyone would ever want to do anything like this but thought i'd keep it open just in case), and everyone who submits would get a small quick sketchy head-shot of someone of their choosing from me (so like an OC or a non-OC or fanart or whatever) as thanks. And then I would do a random wheel spin thing to select 2 people from everyone that submitted to draw a more polished art piece (there'd be some restrictions on things I'm not super comfortable drawing but would be mostly pretty open; i'll include more details if i actually go ahead with the contest). Unsure yet if I would allow for multiple entries for more draws... I'd have to think. I'd maybe do it but restrict it to two or three or something. And it would have to be a fanwork(s) created specifically for the contest to make it more fair for everyone. And it would last maybe from mid-September to mid-late-October-ish (leading up towards Halloween, which could be fun and spoopy alkdjfalsd).

IS THIS SOMETHING PEOPLE WOULD BE REMOTELY INTERESTED IN?? (please vote truthfully)

It would be combined across both Twitter and Tumblr because otherwise it would be too hard to manage/split I think. POLL IS JUST 1 DAY THIS TIME BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WAIT A FULL WEEK so please vote lkjflkdJFDLKAJDL

#our wonderland

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babblish · 7 months

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20 questions of fic writers

Thanks for the tag @creativenicocorner!

Tagging: @dreamcrow @renee561 @megan0013 @ihateblocks I know it's NaNoWriMo so feel to ignore this one this busy season, but likewise if you're not tagged and wished to join in, feel free to do so. 🤔 I feel like I'm forgetting several people as it is.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

20 (and 1 draft)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

710,674 so far (it should be 717,602 once the draft is published)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Tales of Arcadia, Dungeons and Dragons TTRPG, and this other one I won't share because I haven't finished the goddamn draft for yet and as such haven't published.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Under the Wave

Primordial Awakenings

Whispers Within

Honey and Lemon

Primordial Awakenings - Deleted Scenes

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, always, and I try to give out as much as the commenter puts in. So an emoji gets an emoji, a paragraph gets a paragraph, a short essay gets an essay, etc. I do this because I think it's nice balanced response policy and I don't want to overwhelm readers who sent a short sentence of approval with a wall of text over how I think they're great (even though they are, in fact, quite great.)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

🤔Under the Sun: The White Rabbit.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Whispers Within.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not directly, certainly not in the comments of a fic. I know my ships and blorbos are not popular with everyone, but honestly this is how it's always been. I typically like writing the weirdos and cardboard cutout characters who get/got treated dirty in canon.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes I do now. I put it off for a long time because I wasn't confident writing it enough to share it publicly, but I started publishing that kind of thing last year in attempt to Get Good.

It's essentially a personal exercise routine, highly recommend this to anyone struggling with a particular element of writing. Obviously it doesn't have to be even remotely spicy, I know not everyone is comfortable writing that kind of thing and I certainly expect anyone to read mine. It's just I was struggling with interpersonal physical interactions, choreography if you will, and the easiest way to practice these was either smut or combat scenes, and combat scenes seemed kind of a massive downer.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

To the best of my knowledge, I have never in my life written a crossover, nor do I currently have any wish to. The absolute closest has gotta be including a lot of OCs to fill roles that aren't quite filled in the canon cast, which as we all know is not quite the same. Full respect to our troops in the crossover trenches, I just don't think I have a brain that works like that.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've definitely had art stolen (rip that one cute gnome PC I did for a friend), but never a fic... to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I've had my grammar and spelling corrected once or twice when I attempted a language I am not fluent in and made mistakes. (I owe you my life.)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have co-written before, back in the day, and I'm not taking about rp forums but the dark fantasy/sci-fi writing project I shared as a teen with my brother and friend at the time. For fic specifically I've only beta'd.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

As a polyamorous multishipper this is a homophobic question. There's room on my top shelf for as many I want. 🤔 Many are Morticia and Gomez Addams shaped, or whatever the fuck was happening in The Road to El Dorado shaped, one has to admit.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Eugh probably The Homework Squad (a ToA fic with multiple PoV about Strickler's time as a teacher before he left that position.) Maybe I'll get to it one day, but I have so many other fics I'd much rather be working on now.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told that I am very good at character voices and dialogue, and that I have the ability to control the tension of any given scene with pinpoint accuracy and twist the mood like a knife in the reader's heart without it seeming unnatural. This might be my dark fantasy background coming to the surface, ngl.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

These are such things that gets mentioned less in feedback because it would be a dick mood unprompted, but speaking as someone with no beta beyond myself and an ereader, I know that sometimes my prose can be stiff and awkward, and my sentences err towards the unwieldy to the point that reading aloud can be difficult.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Sometimes different languages can be important to the plot and characterisation, and in these cases I do write dialogue in other languages but also include translation RIGHT THERE for the readers instead of clumped down at bottom notes of the chapter.

Otherwise I will include a helpful little note in the dialogue tag to indicate if the speaker has switched languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Tales of Arcadia.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

It's probably Primordial Awakenings, but again I still have a soft spot for Whispers Within, and most if not all of my fics really. I pour a lot of myself into my fics, so they represent not just the fic themselves, but the particular time in my life when I was writing them.

#dash games #dash memes #tales of arcadia #heart of janus au

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lesleymoonwriter · 25 days

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9 people I'd like to know better tag

Tag from @ettawritesnstudies! Thanks a bunch!

Current book: I'm currently reading a book from the library called Literary Wonderlands. It's a compotation of different writeups on various fantasy and sci-fi works that heavily employ fictional settings and worldbuilding. I was also reading Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia, and I need to get back into it. It's really good.

Current fic: Something else I took a reading hiatus on, but I want to get back into a Twisted Wonderland fic called Ink and Ivory by honey_neemonie on AO3. It's an AU fic I can not fully explain without rambling about the plot of Twisted Wonderland for 20 minutes, but it's one of those magical fics that seems like it wouldn't work on paper, but works beautifully in practice, in large part due to the author's full commitment to the premise and excellent character writing. If you like gothic horror vibes and the Disney villain anime boys (especially the mermaids), give it a read! (TW for discussions of mental health and an offscreen non-detailed suicide in one scene).

Currently watching: YouTube. No but seriously, I was starting a watch Cute High Earth Defense Club LOVE! with a friend, but she's currently busy with finals, so I'm waiting until her life's a bit less chaotic before picking it back up again.

Next on my watchlist: At the moment? Probably The Owl House. I've been meaning to watch that show for forever.

Current hyperfixation: The same thing I'm hyperfixating about every night, Pinky-- Twisted Wonderland. Specifically at this moment, the Shroud brothers.

Favorite color: I LOVE blues. Particularly sky and teal blues! Sea green is also a favorite.

Sweet, spicy, or savory: Sweet or savory, or better yet, a combo! I have a super low spice tolerance, so I can only handle it in small doses.

Relationship status: Single, not looking, not interested in looking. (Is ace/aro-spec)

Last song: Ameri by NILFRUITS! It's one of the primary inspo songs for my other current draft project, Unmagicked!

youtube

Last thing I googled: jellyneo negg festival (yes, I am on neopets).

Skill I’d like to learn: I'd LOVE to learn animation, but also video editing! I think doing my own video essays and/or animatics with my ocs would be fun.

Best advice: Keeping faith and continuing to try, even if you're likely to fail, is better than becoming hopeless and giving up. Hopelessness leads to resentment and self-importance, which are both things that can lead to you getting taken advantage of and trapped in a cycle of hatred and stagnation. You can only move forward if you break through the cycle and keep going towards your dreams, even if they never come true, because as long as you keep your outlook bright, you're free. I learned this wisdom from an anime fox man, and now I pass it on to you. Take care. <3

No-pressure tagging @loopyhoopywrites, @theeccentricraven, @veneritia, @maddstermind, and anyone else who wants to participate!

#tag game #Youtube

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kaya59gx · 9 months

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Unpopular opinions:

1. Unbound Thresh being a pretty boy actually helps more than hurts.

2. Thresh having more human emotions isn't a horrible option.

Am I biased? Yes. Very much so.

But if you'll excuse the bias for a moment and listen to my opinion-

Although league is full of pretty boys already, Unbound Thresh receives a lot of shame for it considering his original design and people don't seem to think it fits his character. But I'm the weirdo who thinks him being attractive isn't a bad thing for a few reasons- It creates a false sense of security. You see an attractive man and Don't think to look beyond it, to take into consideration what he may truly be like. You're much more likely to approach someone who looks attractive, right? And much more easy to turn into a victim. You'll trust him if he leads you into an alleyway thinking he can help you with your greatest problems, only to find yourself chained to the ground and entirely at his mercy, and to realize all too late that his hook and crystalline lantern are waiting to drag you in and keep you there.

As for the second opinion.

Unbound Thresh having emotions provide something else that I find to be intriguing- an opportunity for a form of character complexity and analysis.

I'm one of those people that likes to take a deep dive into characters and their psychology (though do take into account I'm not an expert), and creates OCs to delve into my own psychology at times.

Long story short, I write.

Unbound Thresh having emotions and human responses to things rather than being an emotionless monster provides an opportunity to analyze him much more deeply. It gives us a chance to really pause, take a minute, and think about it. Why did he 'save' Bort in his intro cinematic? What was up with those facial expressions and his body language while he was in the Tavern watching him? What makes Unbound Thresh Tick?

Also if you look at the model his features are less defined so it might have been a choice of time to make him a pretty boy. I do dislike how pudgy he looks, I will agree there. I refer mostly to his cinematic appearance (which I realize most people don't mind) in my short essay, but the point could easily be applied to his actual in-rift model.

Again, I have a biased opinion. I'm that weirdo who thinks Thresh is attractive with both his Unbound appearance and his in-league one.

But even still, I feel that the hate he gets isn't deserved. By this point, everyone should know to trust the league writers. They have a plan for our skeleton man!

It is simply a matter of time until we uncover what exactly it is.

#league of legends #thresh #unbound thresh #wild rift #riot games

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padfootagain · 1 year

Text

Because We Are Made of Dreams (III)

Chapter 3 : Confessions

Hi everyone! Here I come with a new chapter for this fic! Still setting up stuff, we learn a few new things about my OC, Sirius is growing increasingly fond of her…

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

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Pairings: Sirius Black x Original Female Character + Jily

Warnings for this chapter: None! Just cute and… nothing particular, really, just setting things into motion.

Warnings for the series: graphic depictions of violence and torture, graphic depiction and mentions of child abuse, mature themes.

Summary: The Marauders come back to Hogwarts to begin their sixth year there, and many things will change for them during these coming months. Outside the safety of their school, the world is growing darker. Inside the Castle, they'll find both new friends and enemies.

Word Count: 5896

Clara was about to commit a murder.

Never before had she thought about ending someone else’s life, but the more time ticked by, the more appealing this idea became.

She checked the time once more, and took her final decision: Lily was a dead woman.

Her and Liam had been together for a mere week, and Clara already wanted to commit manslaughter. But maybe, instead of killing her friend she could kill the boyfriend instead. Yes, that sounded much better to cut his tanned throat… how could she get away with it though?

She heaved a sigh, and rested her forehead on the table. The library was quiet, despite the early hour of the afternoon. There were quite many students around her, studying hard, even if the year was merely beginning. Any other day, Clara would have found the atmosphere soothing, surrounded by books and quiet whispers. But she was too annoyed for that.

In over five years of friendship, Clara had never seen Lily being late. Never. But all of a sudden, she had a boyfriend, and then Clara was forgotten. She closed her eyes, letting out another annoyed sigh.

How typical…

"Usually, libraries are for reading or studying, not napping. You know that, don't you?"

Clara jumped at the sound of a voice right by her table. She looked up to discover Sirius, a smile full of mischief painted on his handsome features.

"I wasn't sleeping, I was waiting," she answered, smiling back, although she couldn’t hide her irritation.

"Waiting? For what?"

"For whom. Lily."

Sirius nodded, clearly amused by now.

"Ah, I see! Now that she’s in a happy relationship with Super-Tan, she leaves you behind, right?"

Clara struggled to laugh discreetly.

"I'm definitely stealing this nickname from you. It fits Liam quite well.”

"Feel free to use it. This guy’s most definitely using some kind of spell to get that tan all year-round.”

“I’m suspecting he’s using some Muggle beauty products, actually.”

“Really? Even better!”

They both laughed, although they remained quiet. In the shy whispers that shook the library, even a breathy laughter was too loud.

“Why did the two of you had to meet here?” Sirius asked her, still standing by her table, pushing a strand of his long hair behind his ear.

"Work on the Transfiguration essay,” she answered with a wince.

"Maybe I can help you with that," Sirius offered with a happy smile, and Clara was quite surprised that he would make her such an offer. He even looked excited about it, that was definitely unexpected…

"Don't worry about me, she'll come, eventually," the girl reassured him. “I don’t want to bother you.”

Sirius merely shrugged.

"It's okay. I'm quite good at Transfiguration. And it wouldn’t bother me at all."

Before she could answer, he was taking the sit opposite her, opening his bag and taking out a quill, a piece of parchment and his Transfiguration textbook.

"It's really nice of you," she thanked him.

He shrugged again, starting to write.

"I'll have to do it sooner or later anyway," he answered nonchalantly.

"Where are the boys?" she asked him as she opened her own book and searched for the right chapter. “Aren’t you expected somewhere?”

"Peter is snoring in the dorms. James is with Remus."

"Is Remus okay?"

He took a careful glance at her before focusing on his book again. But she seemed genuinely worried now. Still, he was cautious with his choice of words when he spoke again.

"Sure. Why wouldn't he be?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Merlin! We all already know, Black!"

He stared intensely at her, and she felt like his grey eyes could pierce right through her.

"What do you think you know exactly?"

"I can read a moon chart. We figured it out almost two years ago."

He propped up an eyebrow, but in a flash his expression had changed and he looked preoccupied, his brow furrowed.

"And you didn't tell anyone?"

"Of course not. I'm not stupid."

"Who else knows?"

"Only the five of us."

"Merlin! And you're okay with it?"

Clara narrowed her eyes at him, looking almost offended.

"Remus is probably the sweetest guy in this school, Black. Of course, I don't care. None of us cares. As long as he doesn't try to devour us in our sleep, all is fine."

Sirius looked very surprised, but not that worried anymore.

"So, is he okay? The full moon was yesterday, wasn't it?" Clara asked again.

Sirius nodded, heaving a sigh, and he seemed much more worried now, tired as well, as if he had stopped hiding a burden he had to carry.

"It was a rough one, that's why he missed class this morning."

"Poor Remus. Of all people, why did it have to be him? He's so kind."

She heavily sighed, before shaking herself. Sirius kept staring at her, thinking hard, studying her and weighing the risks that her knowing his friend’s secret involved. But then again, if she had known for two years and said nothing, he reckoned that she wasn’t that dangerous, after all.

There was a ray of sunshine coming in from the nearby window falling right onto their table. It shone upon Sirius’s features, photons caught in his dark hair. He had dark bags under his eyes though, a five-hour shadow on his jaw and his eyes were reddened by his lack of sleep. Clara seemed to finally notice how tired he looked.

"You don't seem to have slept a lot yourself," she pointed out.

He smiled mischievously again.

"You don't want to hear about that, Clearwater."

She couldn't refrain a disgusted look, before hiding her reaction behind her book, and Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"What did I say?" he asked her.

"Nothing," she lied.

"Come on. What's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

Sirius stayed silent for a while, still staring at her, looking for a reason behind her strange behaviour. He rolled his eyes when he guessed.

"I didn't spend my night shagging anyone if that’s what you've understood."

She looked at him over her book.

"Really?"

"Really."

"It's not like I care, really," she justified herself, clearly embarrassed, her cheeks on fire, "it's just that I find the idea of you shagging someone in the Castle, where I could actually go, really disgusting. One thing is for sure, I could never enter a classroom again if I knew you were spending your nights there with some girl or boy..."

Sirius laughed hard, drawing scowls towards them from several tables. She shushed him, giggling herself.

"Well, you can go to McGonagall's class tomorrow safely," he teased.

"If I finish this essay that is."

"Of course," he chuckled again.

"So, how do you do this spell?"

She showed him a complicated incantation used to turn a howl into a galleon. The sun was hitting the old page, the stained glass on the upper part of the window colouring the parchment in blue and pink.

"This one is not the best to make this transfiguration actually," Sirius answered with a slight frown as he read through the page.

He took her book and looked for the right page, focused and thus paying no attention to his surroundings. Meanwhile, Clara was patiently waiting, but got distracted by the sound of giggles coming from the other side of the shelves set behind her.

"So, are you going to come see the try-outs?" asked one of the girls.

"Of course! The Gryffindor boys are so gorgeous!"

Clara rolled her eyes, now fully focused on the conversation while Sirius struggled with the pages.

"Their captain is so hot!" said another.

"Well, I'll go for Black personally, he's perfect..."

Clara rolled her eyes again, annoyed, and Sirius chose this very moment to look up at her, having finally managed to find the right spell. He frowned hard. She seemed… annoyed…

"Sorry if I'm so boring," he said, quite hurt.

"Sorry, what?" Clara asked, focusing on him again.

"I said: sorry if I'm so boring. You can tell me if you don't want me to stay."

"What?! That's..."

She finally understood.

"Oh, no! I'm sorry. You're not annoying at all. It's the group of girls behind us. They're talking about the Quidditch try-outs. Listen."

They both focused on the girls' conversation.

"Dearborn is handsome too."

"You can't compare him to Black, I mean... This man, is so bloody gorgeous!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh and biting on his lower lip in the process.

"You're right, I'll go for Black, one hundred percent."

"Yeah, but you know how he is with girls..."

"Who cares, really! If I could be thrown in a cupboard with him, sign me up, at any cost."

"She's right, you're mad!"

"I think I still prefer Dearborn."

"Bullshit," Sirius suddenly let out.

He and Clara looked at each other, before bursting into laughter, choking as they struggled to remain quiet.

"Do you think they know you're here?" Clara asked him as she was finally able to breathe again.

He shook his head.

"I don't think so. Are they annoying you?"

"Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not one of your groupies. And I think they're kind of idiots, really."

He grinned at her, his eyes full of mischief.

"All right then, give me a sec!"

Before she could say anything, Sirius had stood up and was heading towards the girls behind Clara. Her eyes wide, the Gryffindor turned on her chair and managed to glimpse at two of the girls, visible between the rows of books. One was from Ravenclaw, the other from Gryffindor, they seemed to be in their fifth year. Sirius approached their table and the girls went completely still as they recognised him. Wearing his most seductive smile, the boy leaned casually against the shelf.

"Hey, girls! Sorry to interrupt, but I'm trying to study right on the other side of this shelf with a friend, and you're talking too loudly for her, she can't focus. Could you lower the volume a bit, please?"

His voice was low and sweet, and the girls literally melted upon their chairs.

"Of course, we're sorry," answered the Gryffindor, barely breathing, her eyes wide.

"No problem, bye!"

"Bye!"

Clara was biting her fist hard to stop herself from laughing too loudly. The second Sirius sat down and caught her amused eyes, he was gone for. They were laughing so much for a while that they couldn't look at each other, or they would burst into laughter again. It lasted long minutes, and several students looked at them with disapproving smiles as they passed by their table.

"You're crazy!" Clara admonished him, wiping the tears from her face.

"That was so funny!" he replied, drying his cheeks with his sleeves too. "Have you seen their faces?!"

They were gone laughing again for a while, holding their painful sides, choking as they tried to be as silent as possible.

Clara’s stomach was so painful… she reckoned she hadn’t laughed that much in months…

"The Transfiguration essay," she finally managed to articulate, clearing her throat, but averting her eyes far away from Sirius, knowing that the mere sight of him would make her explode again.

"Right."

Sirius cleared his throat too, and finally helped her with the spell.

They worked quite quickly together, and less than an hour later, they had both finished their essay. It was still sunny outside when they closed their books and put away their homework, although the sky was turning from bright blue to pale gold.

"Do you have anything else to work on?" Sirius asked her.

"I'm done for tonight,” she answered with a shake of her head. “Thank you for your help! You really are quite good at Transfiguration."

Sirius smirked, and there was something mischievous in his eyes too when he held her stare, but she didn’t get what it meant, and he didn’t say a word.

"You're welcome. It was quite fun!"

They walked out of the library together, joking and laughing and smiling. And it felt nice, exciting.

The more time he spent with her, the more Sirius enjoyed Clara’s company.

"Where are you going now?" she asked once they were in the corridor, leaving whispering behind and speaking with her usual tone again. “To get yourself in trouble, I bet!”

"No, not today,” he chuckled. “I’ll go check on Remus, he must be back in the dorm by now. You?"

"I'll take a walk, I think. It’s not that late, and the weather is nice. Better enjoy it while it lasts. Autumn in Scotland is always a mess!"

Sirius seemed to think for a moment, eyes set onto hers. He tilted his head to the side a little, weighing options, before he would offer her a bright smile.

"Would you mind if I came with you? You’re right, it’s nice outside, I’d love to take a walk too."

She grinned at him.

"No, of course not! Come on! I know just the place!"

They headed towards the grounds, remaining silent until they reached the shores of the lake. Indeed, the sun was still warm enough to make their walk pleasant, and only a shy breeze disturbed the dark waters before them. In the distance, Hagrid’s hut was puffing a white smoke by its chimney. It was slow, leisurely, soothing… With no more sounds than the regular movement of water and wind passing through tall branches.

They sat against a tall oak and enjoyed the sight of the sinking sun setting the sky on fire and lighting up the water with golden shades. Clara took out a notebook and some pencils from her bag, and she started to draw, humming softly to herself.

"I didn't know you liked drawing," Sirius finally said, a small smile playing on his lips that was, perhaps, a little too fond.

"I love drawing, I spend much of my free time surrounded with pencils and paper,” she answered with a chuckle. “Does that bother you if I…”

“No, no! On the contrary, that’s nice! I have no talent whatsoever for it.”

“What about you, then? Any hobby? Besides preparing pranks, I mean…”

He smiled mischievously, wiggling his eyebrows to make her laugh, and he easily succeeded. He was more serious when he answered her question, though.

"Quidditch."

She shook her head, amused.

"I should have known."

"You don't like Quidditch yourself?"

"I do like Quidditch actually. I think I'll come to the try-outs this year."

Sirius propped up an eyebrow.

"Really? Which position?"

"Beater."

Sirius choked, trying to hold back a laugh.

"I can fly, you know?" she replied, failing to hide the hurt expression that came to her face.

"I don’t doubt that but… Are you sure you've got enough strength to be a Beater? You should rather try for Chaser. I bet you're fast."

But Clara shook her head.

"No, I want to play Beater."

"Sure?"

"Yep."

"Well then, we'll see how you do on Saturday, I guess."

"Get ready to be surprised."

"Something tells me that I will be!"

They smiled at each other, and Clara focused on her drawing again. Silence settled around them, but it was comfortable and warm, and none of them minded. They merely enjoyed each other’s company while the sun made the sky redden.

After a while, Clara finally spoke again, her voice quite shy.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I... I know it's probably none of my business, but... Why was your brother so cold with you the other day?"

Sirius shifted, clearly uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, it's none of my business," she added quickly as she was noticing his reaction. "Never mind."

He looked at her for a while, trying to decide if he should answer or not. A part of him was choosing the safest option, as always, and ordering him to keep his mouth shut. But another seemed willing to talk, and it was strange, unfamiliar. They didn’t know each other that much, even if they got along. And yet, there was this feeling in his chest, this aura about her… And Sirius wanted to tell her. For once, he did want to open his mouth, and let it all out.

Would she give him that look of pity he often received when he opened up, though? He would hate that. He would hate it if she gave him this look…

But then again, she was blushing now, clearly looking for something to say that would make him feel more comfortable again, and that was incredibly nice of her. He wasn’t used to that. To people being delicate with him and his feelings. It was nice though, it made him answer without really being willing to do so.

"It's quite complicated, with my family."

"Why?" she asked, looking up at him again.

"Many reasons."

She took just a quick glimpse at his expression, at the sudden clenching of his jaw, and the sadness that dulled the grey in his eyes. She nodded, offering him a kind smile.

"You don't have to answer, if you don't want to talk about it,” she reassured him. “I didn't know it was complicated for you to talk about your family. I shouldn't have asked in the first place. It’s none of my business."

He let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head, resting his forearms on his knees and holding his left wrist with his right hand. He lost his gaze on the lake, alit with burning lights.

Damn, that was exactly the right thing to say. And now, he wanted to say it all out loud…

He took a deep breath before diving though. The words were as heavy as lead on his tongue, but it felt good to let them out all the same. He hadn’t talked about all this to anyone but the boys.

"The thing is, I'm not part of the family anymore."

"What do you mean?" Clara asked with a frown, putting down her paper and pencils on the grass, right next to her bag, giving Sirius her full attention.

"I ran away last summer."

She stared at him, her eyes wide.

"You ran away? But... Why? Where did you go?"

"I went to the Potters'. They've always treated me like a son. They took me in without a hesitation, gave me a home..."

"Why did you run away?"

His throat tightened; he chose his words carefully. Because he didn’t want her to run away. Because it was painful, still, to talk about all this.

"I don't share my family's point of view upon many subjects and… one night I had enough. So, I took my things, and walked out."

"You ran away because you disagreed with your family? It must have been about quite important subjects..."

He shifted again. The conversation was heading in a direction he clearly didn't like, but it was too late to go back now. She patiently waited for him to speak again, and he was thankfully for it.

"They're all in the pure-blood mania, you know?” he answered in a breathy tone, looking at her once more. “And I'm not. I don't care that people are muggleborns or half-bloods, or muggles even. They're still people, end of story. I didn't fit in the familial mantra, evidently."

"I see," she answered.

He looked at the lake once more, but Clara guessed that he wasn't seeing it anymore. It was too hard to look into her green eyes though. They were too warm, too welcoming, too reassuring… he wasn’t used to that. It was still a struggle to him, to accept to be looked upon with kindness.

He cleared his throat before speaking once more. And maybe his confession went too far, but he didn’t really mind. That ought to mean something, right?

"I don't want the life they have designed for me," he continued, his gaze still lost upon the burning lake. "I don't want to get married with a cousin to have a pure-blood marriage. I don't want to marry someone because a bunch of pure-blood maniacs have decided that I should, even if I will never love her. I don't believe in the pure-blood supremacy in any way, and I have never accepted to keep my mouth shut about it in front of them all. I've never been the perfect soldier, quite the contrary actually. I'm a stranger to them, really… and my brother is the perfect son next to me. He entered Slytherin like everyone has done in my family since the school opened, and I was sorted into Gryffindor. He bends to all their manners and masks, and I always blow up sooner or later. He has accepted his arranged marriage, and shares the family idea that pure-bloods are worth more than other people; and I rejected the girl they had chosen for me and I'm friends with muggleborns, half-bloods and pure-bloods alike. We're quite different my brother and I, and I think he took the fact that I ran away personally, as if I was leaving him, and not my parents. And then again… I’ve spent many years protecting him from our parents. Now that I’m gone, it must be harder for him. So, you can see why it is quite tensed between us."

He smiled sadly, a pain badly hidden on his features. Meanwhile, Clara was speechless. What could she answer? She had always thought he was a prat and an idiot. She knew he was a pure-blood, and though she had never cared about it, she had always thought he must have been something of a spoiled child, really, with too much money and gifts and worship from his parents to be a good person in the end. But she had been wrong all along. He had evidently suffered a lot, and she could guess, even if he didn’t say it out loud, that he hadn’t been truly loved in his family. She didn’t know to which extent though. She couldn’t have imagined what he had gone through. Still, tears formed on the corners of her eyes.

"I didn't know..."

Her words stayed stuck in her throat. He shook himself, finally setting his eyes away from the burning water, to focus on her again.

"Oh, never mind that, I'm fine,” he offered her a reassuring smile. “Let's change the subject, okay? How is your drawing going on?"

She chuckled, shaking her head, and picked up her notebook once more. She had hardly drawn anything.

"I'm not very productive, actually."

He let out a laugh, that sounded much like a bark, while she picked up a pencil again and drew a colourful line across the white paper.

"I'm talking too much clearly, you can't focus!"

"It's okay, I like talking with you."

He kept on looking at her as she was drawing again.

"You're not as stupid and horrible as I thought you were," she added, narrowing her eyes as she was focusing on her page. "Or maybe you grew up a bit, which helped."

He laughed again.

"I may have grown up, that's true. If it means anything to you, you're not as boring and uptight as I thought you were."

She laughed too.

"Thanks, that's quite nice. But I've always been kind of the reckless one of the girls, you don't have the excuse of any changes on my part for not having noticed it before."

"But I was stupid and horrible before, remember?"

"True!"

She laughed again, and he found her laugh quite beautiful indeed... infectious… it was enough to make him smile.

"I'd better go check on Remus,” he finally added with a sigh. “I was supposed to replace James more than an hour ago, he's going to kill me."

He got up, and threw his bag upon his shoulder.

"I'd love to see this drawing of yours when you're finished, if you don't mind," Sirius added before he would leave.

She looked up at him and grinned.

"Sure, I'll show you."

"Great. See you later, Clearwater."

He started to walk away, but she called him back.

"What if we ate together tonight, Sirius?”

He smiled at the use of his first name. He liked it, the way she said it, it sounded softer when she was the one speaking it out loud.

He turned back towards her, shooting her a wink and a crooked smile, while still walking backwards towards the Castle.

“Sure, that would be nice! See you tonight, Clara!”

He turned towards the Castle again, grinning, heading for the dormitory where James was undoubtedly waiting for him with a death sentence.

Meanwhile, Clara was smiling as she kept on drawing. She quite enjoyed the way he said her name…

"Padfoot, you were supposed to come back more than an hour ago! A bloody, fucking hour ago!"

And here was the expected death sentence. Merlin...

Sirius rolled his eyes, throwing his bag by his bed.

"Where were you?" asked Peter, looking up from the magazine he was reading.

"With Clara," Sirius answered casually. "We were working on the Transfiguration essay.”

Sirius sat on his bed and took off his shoes, ignoring Remus’s raised eyebrow and James’s glare. He untied his tie too and threw it in his trunk.

“You were studying? With Clara? Nothing in this makes any sense…” Remus mumbled, letting his head fall back onto his pillow, exhausted.

“Very funny,” Sirius answered wryly. “Next time you need help in Charms, go fuck yourself.”

“How come you were with Clara?” Peter asked, disregarding his magazine completely now.

“I bumped into her while she was waiting for Lily in the Library. But Lily didn’t show, so I helped her instead. And I also completed my own essay!”

“I’ve been waiting for you for an hour,” James replied through gritted teeth, throwing his pillow at his friend, still mad. “Next time, I’ll turn you into a slug and leave you outside to be eaten by some bird…”

“Thanks, Prongs. I love you too.”

Sirius let himself fall back on his bed before turning towards Remus again.

"By the way, I now have some information that will interest you, Moony. So, you'd better be nice to me if you want me to tell you what I've just learned."

Remus was lying on his bed, his blanket up to his chin, still shaking with fever. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, annoyed.

"Padfoot, I'm really not in the mood for any kind of joke or gossips right now. I'm still terribly sick from last night, in case you hadn't noticed."

But Sirius merely smiled.

"Did you know that they know?"

Remus slowly averted his eyes on Sirius’s, and they grew round as he read in his friend’s grey stare that he had perfectly understood what he meant… He suddenly was even paler than before.

"What do you mean?" the boy asked slowly, needing confirmation anyway.

Meanwhile, James and Peter exchanged a worried glance, standing up from their own beds to get closer to their friends. James leaned against Sirius’s bedframe while Peter took a seat on the edge of Remus’s mattress.

"The girls know you're a werewolf, Clara asked me how you were feeling,” Sirius answered matter-of-factly. “They guessed over two years ago, apparently."

"Shit!"

Remus tightly closed his eyes, while the two other Marauders seemed more than worried now.

"But they’ve never talked about it!" said James, his brow furrowed.

"Nope, clearly they don't care,” Sirius reassured them, lifting his arms to rest his hands behind his head, before he would turn to Remus again. “When I asked Clara what they thought about it, she answered that you, my friend, were the sweetest guy in this school, and that as long as you were not attacking them at night, they didn't give a damn."

The boys looked at each other, before bursting into laughter, although not all traces of worry were gone from their features just yet.

"Merlin! I had no idea they knew," said Remus, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well, they do."

The four friends kept on chatting for a while, until it was time for dinner, as Peter’s loud stomach reminded the group.

Sirius sighed, exhausted, and put on his shoes again. James helped Remus to get out of bed.

"Are you sure you don't want us to get you something?" asked Peter.

"No, I'm fine," answered Remus, standing straighter despite his fatigue and painful muscles. "And I reckon I should have a conversation with the girls."

They headed together for the Great Hall, although they took their time to walk there, unwilling to let Remus hurry in his tired state. Many students were already eating, but they did find some empty spots around the Gryffindor table next to Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Alice. The Hall was busy and loud, the magical sky above their hands matching the starry night outside.

The girls were discussing Lily's date with Liam that had occurred earlier that evening when the Marauders joined them.

"He's such a sweetheart," sighed Marlene dreamily.

"He is," confirmed Lily.

James wisely stopped listening, but the conversation was over anyway, and so he didn't have to suffer more descriptions of Lily's perfect date with Super-Tan.

"Where is Clara?" asked Remus.

He barely touched any of his food, and the mere sight of meat was making him feel nauseous, but he needed to make sure the girls would not say anything to anyone about his secret.

"No idea," answered Alice with a shrug, taking a bite of her potato.

"She must still be at the Lake," answered Sirius, his mouth full with roasted chicken.

Lily furrowed her brow.

"How would you know?"

"I saw her in the library, where she was waiting for you to make her Transfiguration essay."

Lily's eyes grew wide.

"It was tonight?"

"I'm afraid it was," Sirius nodded with an amused smile.

"Oh, no! I totally forgot, I was sure it was tomorrow!"

She buried her head in her hands and closed her eyes.

"I suck as a friend."

"You just have a boyfriend, Lils, it's normal."

The girl jumped while Clara was laughing at her, standing right behind her friend. She smiled at Lily, taking the seat next to her, facing Sirius.

"Oh God, Clara, I'm so sorry!" the redhead apologized again.

"Don't be, it's okay. I got help anyway."

She pointed at Sirius, whom answered with a smile, trying to swallow his mouthful of bread. Lily didn’t seem fully convinced, but she smiled anyway and was about to resume her dinner when Remus cleared his throat. All turned to him. He seemed… uncomfortable, all of a sudden. Nervous, even.

"Girls, Sirius told me you... knew. About me... and… my secret."

The four girls looked at each other at first, but they quickly aimed accusatory glares towards Clara.

"What?" the girl asked innocently.

"You told him we knew?" asked Marlene in disbelief.

"I… not exactly… I told Sirius. Who apparently told Remus…"

"Why?" asked Lily.

"Why not?"

"Shit, Clara," replied Alice, shaking her head.

"What?! We don't even care."

"He shouldn't have learned we knew that way," explained Dorcas.

"Oh, come on, you're making a scene out of nothing right now, really."

"No, we're not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"Clara, we should have told him directly!"

"Lils, it doesn't matter really."

Clara turned her attention back to Remus, who’s wide eyes revealed how lost he was. He wasn’t sure if he ought to laugh or be terrified by the whole thing…

"We guessed two years ago,” Clara explained. “We don't care, and won't say anything to anyone. You don't have to worry about that."

"You're sure it's okay?" asked Remus, surprised.

"Of course, it's fine Remus," Lily reassured him, smiling kindly. "We don't care."

Remus sighed heavily, clearly relieved, his tensed shoulders visibly relaxing.

"Right then, I guess it's alright as long as you don't say anything to anyone."

"We won't, don't worry," Alice reassured him too.

"But why didn't you tell me anything?"

"We figured out that it was best if it came from you," explained Lily. "But as Clara can't keep her mouth shut..."

"I'm the one who should be angry tonight, not you Lils," Clara reminded her friend, adding some dramatic tone to her voice that made the Marauders chuckle. "I'm the one who was left abandoned in the library, when her best friend was snogging a boy in a dark corner."

Lily blushed hard and bent her head above her plate.

"We didn't snog."

Clara rolled her eyes, but didn't add anything. Facing her, Sirius was fighting his urge to let out a proper laugh. He felt like it was time to change the subject, so he cleared his throat and turned towards James.

"By the way, Clara wants to go to the try-outs on Saturday."

"Really?" asked James, suddenly terribly interested in the conversation.

"Yep! I'm finally coming this year. Marlene too, by the way."

"No, I'm not," replied Marlene, sending a look full of warning to Clara.

"Yes, you are," Lily fought back. "You love Quidditch, Marls! And as Clara is doing it, you should do it too."

“Marls, that would be awesome!” Dorcas nodded, overexcited. “We would play together! That would be amazing! I would finally stop being the only girl on the team… you’ve got to come to the try-outs!”

"Of course, you should!" James encouraged her.

Sirius nodded enthusiastically too.

"Which position will you try? Chaser I guess," added James.

"Marlene yes. I'm trying for Beater," answered Clara.

James propped up an eyebrow.

"Are you sure you're strong enough to be a Beater?" asked Peter.

Clara rolled her eyes.

"I'm not that fragile, I can fly and hit a Bludger with a bat. Yes, I'm strong enough, and yes, I'm sure I want to try for the position of Beater."

James shrugged.

"We'll see how you do on Saturday then."

"We'll see indeed."

It was a little strange still to chat like this with the Marauders, to laugh together and have full conversations with the whole group; strange, but nice all the same. That evening, once again, neither James nor Lily got upset, they even laughed together a couple of times.

After their dinner, they walked back to the Tower together, still chatting. As they entered the Common Room, about to break their large group and head for their dorms, Clara held Sirius back for a second.

"You said you wanted to see my drawing when it was done. Here you go!"

She took a piece of paper out of her bag and handed it to him. He unfolded it, and his mouth fell open as he was looking at a moving drawing of the Lake. A gentle breeze was making the trees sway, the lake and the sky were on fire and burning clouds were drifting slowly across the bright sky. It was beautiful.

"Merlin, Clara! You're really good at this!"

"You think so?" she asked shyly.

"Of course! It's amazing!"

She grinned, and shook her head as he was handing it back to her.

"You can keep it."

"You're sure?"

"Of course, I have hundreds of drawings of the Lake. Keep this one."

"Thank you. Good night, Clara."

"Good night, Sirius!"

They both headed to their dormitories, and Sirius put safely her drawing in his Transfiguration textbook. He was exhausted, and closed his curtains to sleep early, a grin on his face as he peacefully drifted away.

*****************

Taglist: @reg-arcturus-black @hells-escapees

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borathae · 11 months

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Tae not knowing the youngins vocabulary is hilarious

Imagine OC or Kookie trying to sext him and he's like writing full on lengthy descriptive renaissance essays about craving the touch of other and how their souls will intertwine lmao

YES PLEASE HAHAHHA why can I see something like that happen along the way of

OC: darling, I'm horny :(

Tae: My Darling! I am truly sorry to hear that. Tell me how I can help you with it. With love, Taehyung.

OC: just tell me something dirty 😏😏 I'm playing with one of your toys 😏😏

Tae: Dearest! Oh heavens, you make me wild in desire. Tell me, which one. With love, Taehyung.

HAHAHAHAH LIKE PLEASE YOU FUCKING IDIOT HAHAHHA and yet somehow it always ends up in amazing phone sex. Like that man still has rizz even if he text like a fucking idiot hahaha

#asks: magnus venatio #asks #anon #hcs: sanguis duology

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babythe67 · 9 months

Text

Writer questions !

I wasn’t tagged but fuck that fuck you I’m doing it

1. what’s your favourite genre to write?

Hurt comfort / sickfic. Comfort has always been a favourite of mine and for sure being able to put myself or the characters I’m writing for in a comforted position makes me happy. Yes. I am living vicariously through my fics. Honestly, dream situation / based or sourced situations too, like, stories based on a song or movie or series, or a real life situation that happened.

2. do you pull inspiration from real-life, or do you pull things from other books/fanfic?

Yes I pull from real life often or music. I wrote a whole cod headcannons chapter based off of the album crybaby once, and it’s my favourite ever. I still haven’t released it. Or my sapnap Christmas fic, based off of a dream I had about Christmas.

3. do you tend to write one-shots, short stories, or longer things?

It’s a mix really I enjoy it all, so sometimes it’s a long one shot, or a short one, or it’s a 10 chapter story like my fic viridity. In the world of rewriting it as we speak.

4. do you prefer description or dialogue?

BOTH. Even though description is my main these days, I used to do heavy Instagram / text fics when I was in my bts fic arc. I still need to do more of that, I’ve been considering doing that recently for supernatural or call of duty. Like a college type thing.

5. favourite fanfic/book of all time?

Probably the ugliest professor on wattpad. It’s a really good namjin fanfic that I have in my favourites. It’s by HobisHearteu if you’d like to go check it out or it’s in my Shit Man I’m Brain Fckd list on wattpad (i am doitinmyjaebum on wattpad)

6. favorite trope?

Probably doctor / patient or barista / customer. Mainly a soft / scary trope has always been my favourite. Though recently I’ve been indulging in found family / little brother work. It makes my inner child happy.

7. are you the kind of person to work on more than one wip?

WIP WIP WIP. MORE THAN ONE. I HAVE LIKE 70 ATM. Tommyinnits guide to making friends is still in the works and so is A Burning love for Juliet (castiel x reader). I have about 5 others at the moment. They’ll find their way out eventually

8. how long have you been writing for?

Since I can remember being able to write essays. Maybe since 3rd grade? My first ever fic was two oc’s diamond and Ruby. It was when I thought I was straight and just enjoyed putting boys and boys together and girls and girls. No dude. Ur just a gay guy.

9. do you tend to write more during the morning, afternoon, or evening?

Night and evening tbh. It’s when I’m most creative cause my friends are all asleep and I have pure freedom of the mind. I Can throw my music on and enjoy the idea flow.

10. do you prefer to post your wip chapter by chapter, or do you prefer to wait until your wip is 100% finished before posting?

OH GOD THIS ONE UHHHH it’s a mix 💀💀 I can never pick one honestly. I do both all the time. I’ll post like a part one of like a ghost x reader then post a full 6 part of like dean x reader slow burn. I CANT wait to start posting on this acc!!

That’s all folks.

#castiel x reader #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester x reader #castiel #deancas #supernatural

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chiefwritesbook · 9 months

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Writeblr Q&A

I have been tagged by @scifimagpie (ty for tag) so I shall attempt to answer these questions lezzgo

1. What motivates you to write?

The soup brain has too many thoughts & I have to get them out. Also spite because my asshole 8th grade English teacher said my writing assignment was only worth a C (he was the ONLY one btw I got consistently vv high grades before him) & my Chinese immigrant friend got marked down for not being good at English. Fuck you Mr English teacher

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

(idk have this one from early chapter 2 I guess)

“You mean to say that I was bait,” Talin said.

“Not the word I would use, but in a way, yes,” Red Wolf confessed.

“Why?”

“You have been on the throne for less than a year. If someone wants you dead this quickly, something is amiss. I’d like to find out what.”

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

My boy Red Wolf. He's just...yes. Autistic werewolf puppy. Could definitely kill me without hesitation or talk me to death with weapons knowledge. I would thank him if he punched me.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I like not writing.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Worldbuilding, no doubt. I am simultaneously the best and worst at worldbuilding. You want a 2000-word essay on how languages & regional dialects evolved over time? I gotchu covered no problem. Want me to stop elaborating on how Hellhound magic is linked to the moon & actually write my sequels? Absolutely not.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I think the writeblr community is chill. Like y'all are just here for a good time and I can 100% respect that & get behind it. I get to write unhinged answers to these questions & not feel bad about it bc I don't have to self-impose ridiculous societal concepts such as 'maintain a professional image on social media'.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Scrivener? Am I allowed to say Scrivener even though I use at most like 2% of their features. I am the kind of person who if given nothing but a notes app & a two-hour uni class to sit through will hammer out a full chapter in those two hours instead of paying any attention to class. On the other hand if you want me to actually write during my free time I'm sorry I'm too busy procrastinating writing with art & procrastinating art with gaming.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

This is not a wise question to ask me (see: question 5) unless the goal was to make me sit here for ten minutes typing out an entire essay's worth of worldbuilding word vomit, in which case well played. However for the sake of my own free time & sanity:

The legal system in Kies Tor is probably the single greatest thing I've ever constructed & it plays a crucial part in the plot & was built off the early British/European court system as well as my own special interests in law & criminology. In short it's trying its best but it's also deeply fucked up and I love making the fucked up parts fuck up my characters.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Don't feel pressured to write. If you're staring at the same thing for weeks/months on end of course it's gonna get stale. Heck this Q&A post is the most I've written in weeks.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

@witch-king-of-angstmar ofc (no pressure to answer tho) but other than that I never know who to tag. I have social anxiety what is an interacting. If you see this on your dash consider yourself tagged

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tumsa · 1 year

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Eyooooooo, I came here because I got upset. Like REALLY fucking upset, you know?

I scrolled comfortably through tumblr, thought of nothing and the vast expanses of my life waiting to be filled with another fandom-brainrott and then saw this.

You.

You are out here and dare to think about your writing as, and I quote "not good enough for serious stuff", and I thought, I should ask you this in all polite sincery:

What the fuquè?

I shit you not, I love your writing. Honestly, I could and I would write you a whole essay about why, how and all the nuances of writing you hit.

All the snippets you serve, they are fucking 5 Star Michelin meals in my starved fanfic brain.

Like your beginnings, for starters. In fanfic in general it is often so, that the writer think that you have a basic knowledge about the stuff that is about to come. Yes, that's right but every writer writes characters differently so a general introduction is always helpful to get an insight about how the character is portrayed.

The problem with this, you loose the attention span and the curiousity of readers, if you slapp on a full chapter of introductions.

And you. You just skip this whole problem as if it doesn't even exist in the first place!

Like your VegasKim fic! You come all in, let us sink in the story and it feels so incredible smooth and real because you skip the detail descriptions and useless stuff and show what is important instead!

Your writing doesn't NEED any explainations and full fledged descriptions because you manage to captive us nonetheless!

You give the 100% concentrated plot, without anything that is nice to know but doesn't influence the story in even one bit.

And this is so amazing and incredible, so don't you dare to say otherwise!

But, to make sure, you won't get the impression that this is the only thing I love, lemme tell you some more. Okay, write some more.

Your view of the characters. And for this I can use any of your snippets, storys and texts but I specificly choose Arm's Investigation Bureau and Welcome to the Playground. And here is why:

Your knowledge about your characters is, no matter how different they are, incredible large and in detail.

For example, in Arm's investigation bureau, you focus on Arm's perspective and view of things and I understood every single one of his thoughts and choices.

You showed me, how he thinks and feels and how his view influences his way of thinking and acting. He is the autidiegetic narrator in this situation, so his view filters and influences our view of Vegas and Pete in this case.

And here is the cherry on the top of it, you pull it off that the viewpoint of Arm is enough to get information about all the other characters and situations.

You don't need to clarify anything with another point of view or a sentence from the perspective of another narrator, ARM. IS. ENOUGH!

And I am hitting the table right now, because DO YOU KNOW HOW HARDCORE AMAZING THIS IS?!?!?!? HOW FUCKING AMAZING YOU ARE?!?!?!

Which brings me to my second piece of evidence, this time from your story, Welcome to the Playground.

You introduced us to a character called "Reece" (I am crying about him while I am typing this and it is entirely your fault)

Reece is an OC, and in a full fledged fandom it is a hell of work to even get some reaction from readers towards oc's because in a lot of cases one focus naturally on the charas one already know. And that's okay, it's not bad. But it could be better. It could be like yours.

Because normally, an oc is a stylistic choice. It is nice but you often lack a deep connection. Never heared of it? Yep, I thought so, because again, you fucking skip this whole problem and go in with the solution as if you were born for it!

You show through Ken's perspective how Reece acts and how it affects not only Ken but also Vegas and their whole story. So you literally slam through the narrative without abandoning the red thread and plot of your story, AND HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!??!?!

We TRIED so BAD to analyze how to call this structure, how to identify it and we couldn't find anything like this even in romans and books, this is so unique and so special that even bigger authors fail to portray but you do it like a walk in the park!!!!!!

You made me feel things about Reece, an complete unknown character, a blank space that you filled with his personality and his importance for the story since sentence one!

You not only made me like him, you made me cry about him! You let me feel Vegas rage, Ken's pain and the final snip that pulled him towards the Minor Family, I want to shake you so bad, then hug you and cry while yelling at you from where the fuck you could get the impression your writing would ever be not good enough for anything!

Don't think I am done with you!

Your writing is literally one of my favourite conversation topics with a friend of mine (hug the little snail if you see it and then kick it, it deserves it) and if you are able to get us two lazy pieces of wood to overanalyze every choice of words in our freetime you did something correct.

You are literally used as an example of good writing and storytelling for godsake, so don't you dare to let anyone, including yourself, telling you otherwise!

So be fucking sure, I fucking love you, your fantastic brain and your amazing writing!

Have a beautiful day and kick every asshole that tries to stand in your way and your passion of writing, no matter if human or intrusive thoughts, they try to bullshit you, so get over them, preferably with an SUV.

Peace✌

peace??? you can't send me this and then end it with a 'peace I'm out', what??? who are you and why did you decide murdering me is what you should do? hello? anon? come back?

this is one of those rare moments when i am so speechless i don't really know what to say.

thank you? i guess? marry me?

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chaosintheavenue · 1 year

Text

Totally unprompted, I’ve decided to answer a few questions from these lists for Trin, so buckle in...

How does your OC feel about their full name?

First name (Trinity): Generally likes it, especially the fact that it has multiple layers of intended meaning and connotations (but more on that soon!)

Middle name (Elloise): Likes it, but she did select it herself, so that’s kind of cheating lol

Last name: Eh. She quite likes the cadence of the way her entire full name sounds aloud, and appreciates having a ‘short and snappy’ surname. But it does very frequently get misheard, mispronounced, and all that fun. I’d say it’s her least favourite aspect of her full name, but she still doesn’t have strong feelings against it

What do strangers notice about them first?

The gigantic scar across her face is pretty hard to miss. But oddly enough, Trin herself sometimes almost forgets that it’s there (to be fair, it’s not like she sees her own face very often) and gets startled by people’s first reactions to seeing it.

Do they have a “tell” for when they’re lying?

Probably trying to compensate for the lie by overexplaining herself in suspiciously specific detail.

What is their hair texture like?

Smooth, straight, and pretty thin. She dislikes the way the thin + straight combination causes her hair to fall once it has length beyond her head, which is one reason that she keeps it short (aside from practical reasons).

How much jewelry do they wear, and do they have a favorite or distinguishing piece?

She wears jewelry on occasion when it’s practical for her to do so. No specific favourite pieces, but she does sometimes hand-craft necklaces and earrings out of scavenged ‘treasures’, leading to a pretty distinctive style.

She has both earlobes and one nostril pierced (something I can’t replicate in game in 76 aaaaargh-), but doesn’t always wear anything in them. She can tend to get a little bit creative with earrings, but she’s too scared to add any sort of extra weight to her nose piercing, so that’s either a simple stud or nothing.

How has their childhood affected the way they view an aspect of their life (people, education, society, themselves, etc)?

Ah, I could literally sit down and write an essay on this very topic, but for now, I’ll stick to one facet and keep it fairly brief. Trin was raised between two factions that are both fairly isolationist and have firmly established social structures, but are very different from one another. As she was growing up, members of each group tended to primarily think of her as a member of the other, and therefore an outsider, and the memory of being treated accordingly has stuck into adulthood. So... yeah, permanent outsider mindset wherever she goes.

Is there a meaning behind their name, or a particular reason why they have it? (either in the story, or why you as the author decided to give them their name)

Another question where my response could get lengthy if I let it! In short, yes and yes

In-story, her name was specifically selected to help her remember where she came from and the errors of the past, but also not to immediately mark her as a member of one of the factions I mentioned (who typically have a distinctive naming style)

Out of universe, many of the above reasons still apply, but also, the very first idea I had for her concept was actually a set of triplets, and so I got to sneakily reference her being- essentially- the fusion of three people into one

Does their fashion sense reflect an aspect of their personality? (ie bright and colorful outfits symbolizing that they’re an upbeat person)

Her fashion sense is confusing, to say the least. She uses multiple different and sometimes conflicting styles, and combined with a love for bright colours, it can make her very noticeable. I suppose it very much fits with her faction identity crisis and desire to be seen for who she really is...

How do they feel about romantic relationships? Are they into casual flings or more serious, long-term romances? Or are they uninterested?

She’ll have absolutely none of that. She’s firmly aroace, and I get the impression she might be completely romance repulsed. She’s especially not a fan of people assuming that her and her closest friend (who, just to make it even better, is also ace lol) are a couple, which happens quite a bit.

#Trin #oc questions

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blorboselfshipping · 1 year

Note

AAAA HI SORRY TUMBLR DOESN'T LET ME REPLY TO POSTS ON MY SIDEBLOG T-T

That is so fair about TMNT 2012 LMAO The bits that I've seen (cause I haven't seen all of it but KNOW a lot) I've really liked, but... there are definitely Questionable writing choices lol

Good thing we get to decide what to keep and what to redo 😊

As for my TMNT ships! It mostly revolves around Rise of the TMNT, since that's the one that got me into the turtles in the first place!! The turtles are my brothers, April is my sister, and Splinter is my uncle :D

I technically only have one TMNT OC, and the more I absorb TMNT content like a sponge, I find new ways to make crossovers and stuff, for reasons that are linked to her Lore lmao

And!! Fun fact!! Her name is also Rose!!! Her full name is Roselyn Brooks, but she also goes by Rosie, Ro-Ro, Ro, Rosebud to select family members, and Rise!Leo makes up just about any nickname he can come up with from the first two letters of her name alone lol

I've adored just about everything I've come across, so I'd love to talk with you about it and our self-ships more if you'd like!! - @selinas-ships

HELLO @selinas-ships!!!!! that's totally ok!! I'm so excited to hear from you anyway, especially after those kind words you've said about my tmnt s/i content!!!

Uhhhhhh yeah, me and Jocie talk all day long about their questionable writing choices, i'm literally writing a freaking essay with an included powerpoint about each topic, so stay tuned lmaaaoo!! But you're so right, we can make it anything we want! That's the beauty of self-shipping; direct action! I am going to change SO MUCH with my s/i and the fandom will likely hate it, but whatevs

Rise is such a good intro into the turtles, its definitely the best written so far, they really pulled from fan wishes and desires, the characters are so so good! AND YES! There is so much content to mix together in tmnt, its truly one of my fav things! I love when they reference 2007 Raph having an emo batman phase or the turtles traveling to feudal Japan in the 3rd 90's movie! they all play so well together! I can't wait to see what you do with your OC as you watch more! That's so funny, her name is Rose too!? I can tell she is awesome then haha!! (I love the last name Brooks, thats so GOOD! I use Lockwood for some of my s/i's last names, thats so similar!)

Stop, Ro-Ro is so cute!!! I'd love to see her interacting with her brothers, I can tell they all love each other!!

Same same same!!!! hope you don't mind but I'll definitely be sliding into your dm's to gush about this amazing family!!!

#im so excited!! I love talking tmnt they're one of my favorite pieces of media #I appreciate 2018 tmnt bringing back my obsession full force #idk where I would be without them #Thank you so much for the message!!!!#ask

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matriarchsdevotee-archive · 2 years

Note

4. which muse of yours is your all time favorite? if you stopped writing them: why?

Munday Questions - Not Accepting

Ohhhh god that's a hard question. Everytime I think I settle on one another pokes their head out and reminds me of a thread or partner I had with them that I adored.

I'm going to have to split the difference between the Thenardiers and Mrs. Lovett (the Thenardiers shared an account so yes they function as one muse for the purpose of this answer shhhh)

The Thenardiers are just the right level of bastard, and Les Miz has played a huge part in my academic and personal lives. My undergrad thesis was on the villains of Les Miserables. Two of my best in show cosplay awards were Les Miz characters - hell, one was a genderbent M. Thenardier from the 2012 movie I need to remake that bumblebee suit someday.

I stopped writing them for a myriad of reasons. I was losing muse in general, I had taken on the worst job of my life and it took all of my energy just to survive a lot of the time, the les miz community was very quiet, and I'd done a lot with M. and Mme T as it was. I may come back to them one day (Anything's possible, I never thought I'd touch roleplay again after my last hiatus), but I'd probably need a lot more rpc support that was interested in them. I still met some of my best friends through those bastards, so they hold a soft spot in my heart.

Mrs. Lovett is the opposite of the Thenardiers in a lot of ways. She was my first canon character and my second character overall after a very teen phantom of the opera OC. She changed so much over my playing her - in some form or another, I played her continuously for 9 years (?). Helena Bonham Carter was a huge inspiration to me when I was a teen and something about her Mrs. Lovett was the perfect mix of sympathetic and absolute lunacy that appealed to me. I worked out a lot of angst through her, a lot of pessimism about my future. In some ways she was a self-insert, but to those interested and familiar with the Sweeney Todd rpc, I made myself remarkably unpopular by not shipping her with Sweeney. I won't go into an essay here, but I thought it was very clear that all she wanted was a better life by any means necessary - Sweeney just happened to be a very convenient ends to a mean.

I stopped playing her for similar reasons as listed above, with the note that I stopped playing her around the same time I stopped role playing publicly in 2019. Life was really hard at the time and I got stuck in a bunch of mutual drama (I've since reconnected and made up with many of them, but I was still put off on the whole). When last I left her, she'd gotten into a long term relationship with Erik de Carpentier (Phantom of the opera, long story) which was so cheesy and came full circle for me as a roleplayer, so I think I'm content letting her have her happily ever after.

#answered asks #wow that got long #thank you though!!! I love remembering past muses ;w;#archaeval #bea and pierre still love their ruby <3 #out of character #munday

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ranger-kellyn · 1 year

Text

i said i wasn't going to write an essay, but i ended up writing an essay anyway

so, here, my official review of scarlet and violet. obv major spoilers below. also, unfortunately, it's mostly negative, so be mindful of that. at the end of the day, the only thing i can say i loved about the games were the characters-

and even then, my love of the characters doesn't feel...idk if genuine is the word i'm looking for, but something along that vein. like. the story i was writing in my head during my second playthrough was more enjoyable than the actual playthrough itself. i love the version of the characters who live in my head -- but i really have to ask myself, am I just doing that whole "OC committing identity fraud" thing...?

open world full of fucking nothing. my favorite thing to do in BoTW was get up somewhere high, look around, admire the view, and then just take me wherever my stamina could get me to. in this game, you get up high and there's...not really anything of note to look at. the textures are awful and stretched, and so many of the mountains are at a needle point. i have no motivation to actually go out and search for all 999 gimmighoul coins just to evolve one ugly pokemon into an even more ugly pokemon.

there's a distinct lack of Sense Of Place throughout the game, and in the wildes it's in how sparce the landscapes are. Hardly any trees or unique landmarks. the towns and cities are even worse in this regard. like. apart from the occasional spanish tossed in here and there, and the general shape of the region, and names of the towns, how in the fuck would I have known the region is inspired by spain?? like. how did we go from Galar which is very in-your-face-obnoxious-English to Paldea which is like..........spanish i guess

As a tangent to the above, the distinct lack of like. culture??? there are so many wonderful foods that come out of spain-- and sandwhiches??????? i remember thinking curry was weird for galar, but was satisfied with the answer of "it's a current trendy food". sure, fine, i can deal. sandwhiches????? how the fuck is me throwing three pickles and some olive oil on a footlong supposed to lure out pokemon

anyways,

the game feels wildly directionless. if you look up a list of the "least to most strong" encounters for each three storylines, there is no way in FUCK it makes sense from an exploratory standpoint. it's made worse by the fact that the battles don't scale. one of the best things about BoTW is how, in my experience, no matter what order you do things in, no matter when you decide to finally take on ganon-- it always felt satisfying. finishing up these three storylines didn't feel satisfying in either of my runs, and looking at it from an objective standpoint-- i can't find a way to write this and have it make sense without scaling things. it the battles simply scaled this would be a non issue for me. Not to mention the classes you're also supposed to be taking at the academy during all of this. I completely skipped over them during my first playthrough, but made sure to go and take the classes every other gym or so. yes, they added to the lore here and there, and it was a neat attempt at the whole free time events to bond with characters and whatnot. but it still kinda fell flat for me. (also if i have to read "apro-pros of nothing" one more time i Will gouge my eyes out) (ALSO yes i had to look up what in the fuck chugey meant when the director asked like bitch me the fuck too no clue what it meant)

related to directionless, the game's final arc in the great crater feels...too slow, then on the immediate flip side, too fucking fast. like. for the longest time, i couldn't have told you what the plot of the game was. the treasure hunt feels vague at best. for the longest time, the three storylines just felt like "things you can do" rather than like genuine plot. like. finding out the professor is long dead and essentially the "bad guy" of the region feels...eh? like. i guess it was emotional, but the painfully slow build up only to have the end of the game take like...less than half an hour? Arven's neglect from his parents feels rushed and not really handled with much care. Penny's whole story line with Team Star also feels...unsatisfying? I think her final battle would have been better had all the star leaders ended up revealing themselves when she was down to just Sylveon, about to lose, basically giving way to phase two where their cheering her on gives a huge power boost to Sylveon, like how the crowd cheering can give you boosts in other battles. As much as I love Nemona. like. i ADORE this kid. she feels...inconsistent at times. (which like-- in plenty of ways i'll give her a pass bc like. Teenager lmao. but also. :\) I think I really just don't understand her role as student council president. she doesn't read student council president to me. maybe a club president, but not of the whole student council. always ready to rush into things without thinking them through-- not exactly qualities you would want from SCP.

dont even get me started on the performance issues and distance rendering. like....good fucking god. like. even the fact that the in-game timer is dependent on the frames--- my game for scarlet says i have 37:07 hours in the game. my switch profile says i have over 40 hours. 3 hours of game time lost to lag. on youtube, smallant's violet video showed the same thing. his in game timer was at like 14 and the profile timer was at like 16 and so.....Bad Some of the glitches and bugs were funny for a bit, but i really just...can only laugh for so long before getting overwhelmed with "these wouldn't be here if they had just given the game an extra year or two of work". The fact that the very first mod I saw for the game was a 60FPS mod-- it's sad.

ALSO ALSO. i fucking HATE the lack of a visual or audio cue for shiny pokemon. the models are already too fucking small for me to see, and then the colors aren't stark enough for me to notice-- i will literally never find a shiny pokemon if they don't patch that in. i will not see them. i am missing out on a whole section of the game because gamers hate disabled people so fucking much.

but i guess to end i'll try to talk more about the things i did like.

the genders in this game??????

fucking IMMACULATE. catch me grinning like a dork every time i catch a glimpse of rika-- i want what she has so fucking bad i cant sEE STRAIGHT

my faves of the game are Nemona, Rika, Atticus, and Grusha, but there's really no characters other than Iono who i actively dislike. the only thing i like about Iono has been watching actual streamers get to her and visibly cringe and dsfhljk. good joke But i fucking ADORE Nemona. she's a little one dimensional, sure, and sometimes i felt like her characterization wasn't exactly. consistent?? but i love how all about the player character she is. i love the "lets be rivals for life" cheesiness. i love that she thought you were just picking fights with randos when you first meet Team Star and was like, "you can have all the battles you'll ever want with me!" i ESPECIALLY loved playing it as the girl bc it all just reads like "i have the biggest fucking crush on you and it's also my first huge crush so i have no clue how to even act around you" I love how absolutely kind and wonderful she is. My favorite rival since Cheren and Bianca back in BW. I will not forgive the fandom for at first making her sound like this huge creepy stalker. that's my "cinnamon roll who could probably kill you" your honor. Rika is just...my own personal "life goals or wife goals????????" bc fucking CHRIST i look at her and have my own little gay meltdown every time. i wanna look like her sO BAD i'm literally buying clothes to dress like her Atticus i love bc the fandom seems to find him annoying, but i just adore this little theater nerd. really, i ended up adoring all of Team Star. at the end i was looking at all of them and laughing to myself, saying, "yeah i know why these kids were getting bulled. same reason i was getting bullied. we ALL are running around with undiagnosed autism aren't we". i also just love that atticus has the most gorgeous face hiding under that goofy ass hood. goofy theater boy let me love you Grusha i found really compelling my second playthrough, where i actually talked to more NPCs and realized that like...oh. grusha got fucked up on the slopes, didn't he? that little cetoddle you see him with is probably like...a disability aid pokemon of some kind. his line that's like, "this is a bad day to challenge me, are you sure?" is probably more like. you essentially went to challenge him on the day that is also the anniversary of his big injury. (unfortunately i also one-shot his entire team in both playthroughs so like....for gym 8 he wasn't that strong :( ) but he's def a character i'd love to dig into one of these days.

so, i loved the characters. i even loved the dynamic of the Elite 4. While i hate the idea of a like....4 year old...being on the e4, i like to think it's more like...Poppy's parent is on the e4, but they're in and out of the region a ton and Poppy has just memorized how to order her parent's pokemon and -- idk. it sounds funnier in my head.

and as many gripes i have about the new pokemon, i do think there was a good balance of new to old pokemon. i wish i liked some of the evos more (looking at all the nightmare bugs) but i do think the balance was pretty good. My first team was: Skeledirge, Klawf, Tauros (water), Tinkaton, Kilowattrel, and Baxcalibur My second team was: Quaquaval, Pawmot, Tauros (fire), Tinkaton, Farigiraf, and an EV trained Sunflora bc it made me laugh Clearly Tinkaton is a favorite, but as I've said before, Quaquaval absolutely snuck its way into my heart. I also loved the Tauros variants, which I also thought was a simple but great way to get more out of less.

but so i guess the big question is: do I think Scarlet and Violet are worth $60+????

honestly...i don't think i can say yes. the negatives outweigh the positives for me, but on the same hand, i don't exactly regret spending the $120 for both games. but i am a story writer and it's given me enough plot bunnies to be worthwhile to me. i don't like that most of what i'm already brainstorming feels like nothing but fix it fics... but i digress.

tl;dr: good characters, great genders. performance and graphical errors out the ass. an open world full of nothing and no life. a generous 5/10

#talking tag #kellyn plays #sv spoilers #edit: okay i THINK i fixed whatever the fuck happened with the formatting #thanks tumblr dot edu

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