#yes a lot of trauma i guess!

[genderfluid-druid]

like is there a word for "romance is NOT for me oh my GOD it's such a bad idea for the way my brain is built, BUT HOWEVER not every part of my brain has gotten the memo about this and nature still thinks it's funny to kneecap me with a crush every now and then."

#trying to find resources or stories about like. how to COPE when this happens #how to honor the way i feel without suppressing it but also without feeling the need to turn it into a romantic pursuit #also i know labels as strict boxes are only worth thinking about as long as they are helpful #and “im aromantic” is easier to say than “i have a complicated relationship with romance and a lot of emotional baggage and” #well i never feel justified using the word trauma especially because a lot of it was my own doing but #yes a lot of trauma i guess! #anyway #i still have this fear that calling myself aromantic is just a cheat to get away with not wanting to put in the work it would take to build #a real functioning romantic relationship #like is it cowardly of me to say “i am not gonna push my relationships past a certain point with people”. like am i depriving myself of #something i will miss? #sometimes it feels that way #but also #some of my strongest friendships are with people i actively chose not to romance #and i love those people and i am so glad to be friends with them #whereas the people i was most romantically involved with are now invariably bitter strangers #i don't want that. i don't want that with any more people i love #BUT. I DO WISH TO HOLD HANDS!!!!!!! #MY GOD A BITCH IS TOUCH STARVED

[hinaliix]

Teen Vashie doodles 💜

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash #vash the stampede #did I doodle teen Vash as a coping mechanism? yes. yes I did. #tried out a simpler drawing style bc I’m currently in art block and needed a break from thinking #ALSO #HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAVEREM TWINS!!! HAPPY BIRHTDAY VASH!! HAPPY BIRHTDAY NAI!! #I hope in another life the twins are able to receive lots of love and therapy so they can work out their trauma #also happy anniversary to julai blowing up I guess LSKSLALAKAK #(trying to work on a legitimate birthday drawing)

[martilyongabo]

EO3 (partial) lineup - November-December 2022

Peak MAbo is collaborating with your best friend for a(n admittedly unfair) final project (for web development!!!! an elective!!!), saying you would post it, forgetting about it for a year, posting it on Artstation and forgetting about it again.

As always, AC drew the lineart, and I colored. Designs were more of a collaborative effort between the two of us!

Probably should have shared this when the HD collection came out... anyway it's here now!

Some design ramblings under the cut :0! There's a lot i wanna share especially given that we recently did a soft rewrite that departed from the guild system entirely ^^" and EO3's cast was actually one of the first that we had, surprisingly!

Micah is quite clearly alt gladiator 3, but in an entirely different profession. instead of going into the labyrinth, he works in what i imagine would be an analogue to the forge in Tharsis (aka helping people make things busted af). It probably works best for his character, since he was always a gizmo freak even in his first iteration! geomagnetic (or submagnetic, ugh) gizmo is AC's idea!

Micah's brother, Eva, is a very loose spin on zodiac 3, but with a wayyyy lighter colour palette. Admittedly, i did steal a little bit of the spiritmaster's coat from bravely default, but AC managed to spin it back to resembling the original coat that the class had. Eva works as an astronomer, hence the little telescope he always has on him.

Next up we have Eva's protégé, Miri (who was imported from AC's stories)! Theoretically, Miri would be a second zodiac, and, after watching some EO3 speedruns, would probably be really strong in the earlygame when working with Eva in an actual playthrough. AC's design heavily borrows from Patho II's Grace, hence the coat + dress combo.

Following Miri in this lineup would be Noa, her admittedly very lazy but clingy sibling. I think it's apparently here that we didn't have much time to filter what a believable design would be in an EO setting, given that Noa's clothes were translated directly from our designs of them in school attire. It's actually funny how for we diverged from their original portrait (buccaneer 3) to the point that she is literally unrecognizable. Truly a pipeline from good sea boy to j-horror twist character.

Last in the OC section would be Masaru, who recently found work for the Senatus. Admittedly he does have another example of "incongruent time period" clothing (the jacket), though it's a lot more reworkable than Noa. We also made his design a lot less poofy and rugged compared to the original, and I mixed the base and alt color palettes as well to make him less, well, glaringly red. Probably one of the funnier things is that his clothing palette made him blend in more with the likes of Kujura, but given that they work for the same place, it'll probably work out fine.

Now we go onto NPCs, and who better to start than with Flowdia! Admittedly, her art was one of the last ones that we did, hence why her design looks relatively plain (sorry lola). Probably one of the things I would like to add would be more ornate patterns, perhaps of butterflies to tie her closer to Gutrune!

Before we get to the Princess, we gotta get through her bodyguard first! >:0 I honestly don't like Kujura because I answered honestly in his first question, and he said that I was prideful, but AC likes him so he looks really good here. He isn't as rendered here as he is in his portrait, since he was also one of the last characters we made, and I didn't really get to notice that he doesn't have as much value contrast in his clothing as Masaru does. Probably something to think about next time I color him >:0

Next up we have Gutrune!! We decided to make her look more jellyfish-like, while still keeping it a bit uncanny and unsettling. We tried to give her a more traditionally Filipiniana look (mostly on the Maria Clara gown), but we haven't yet made a poncho design that mixes well with butterfly sleeves without looking cluttered. As such, she has a more nightdress-y look here. AC drew in a few tentacles, and I couldn't help but make them look squishy.

Last but not least is Olympia! We wanted to align her appearance more with her background, hence her altered design :0 Having rips of the artbook easily accesible online also helped us flesh out her hair in particular, since we didn't want to just transplant Gutrune's hairstyle onto her.

And that's all of them!!! I'm honestly hoping to draw more EO characters, though Seyfried's design scares me (honestly the reason why I couldn't make a Reversed Emperor comic).

Currently, I've made a lot of progress on the EO4 game, and I'm excited to draw up the three N-turned-PCs + Xiuan >:'0!!! I don't think I can ever get as cool as Morika tho. If you've come this far and aren't into EO, please check out their blog!! Their art is stunning and has come a really long way :")

#etrian odyssey #etrian odyssey 3 #etrian odyssey iii #idylls of the abyssal forest #gawang abo #colorist #noa minjin #miranda minjin #gutrune #olympia #kujura #flowdia #micah abdelghani #eva abdelghani #I'LL GIVE THEM SURNAMES WHEN I NEED TO #honestly why i never got to finalize work on the CR x RGU series is not just because I wanted to animate it #but also because i had to give the students surnames #like ye they're ~10 characters but surnames don't come easy to me >:'000 #and i'm super particular with names so :AAA: #issa trap i'd rather sidestep entirely #also if you follow me for CR... hi i'm sorry but i reverted back to my oldest brainrot to cope with thesis + the new game updates #NOT TO SAY THE NEW UPDATES ARE BAD #but i realized i cared more about crafting a story than following along the trail of another :") #i still want to work on the CR stories and animate them and put them up! #it's just that i need time to recoup i guess #community is also really buck wild. I don't think i ever got over the whiplash of them saying “we will not play *ends up excited anyway*” #it's ok if u enjoy it naman but the speed in which they get stoked for updates was like “:”D? i thought we were protesting. what y'all doin #i'm sorry if u read thru all these tags and saw me processing my trauma with the cr fandom #i'm doing a lot better now!!! please have a good day as well and take care of yourself! #EDIT 04.27.2024 THEY ALL HAVE SURNAMES. HURRAH!

[voxtekenterprises]

Valangel is just Hellaverse's Thramsay if instead of torturing and mutilating Theon Greyjoy, Ramsay Snow would have dolled him up and kept him all pretty but also marked him as his

#valangel #valentino x angel dust #i had this in my draft for 10 days apparently. guess it takes a lot of guts to say the truth on main #with the same amount of trauma that is #would that make husk angel's jeyne poole? not really but for the sake of the post let's say yes

[loch-detected]

if I can honest a second? I really don’t like the depictions of Arceus being ‘apathetic, uncaring’ or even ‘cruel’ god. like from what I’ve seen in various forms of media, it’s just inaccurate.

#this is (once again) mainly a problem in the PLA fandom #but like #I’ve seen it floating around long before that #I guess most people have a easier time believing it because #it’s pokegod #and we all have some religious trauma #but even in the situations where arceus was on the offensive #it was mainly hurt and betrayed #it will make mistakes. yes #but pokemon =/= real world religion #and i think a lot of us forget that it’s a pokemon too #cut him some slack #lochrambles #pokemon #pokemon legends arceus #pokemon arceus

[forgedcold]

trying reconcile what whirl did to prewar megatron vs. what trepan did to prewar megatron is extremely difficult for my sleep deprived brain

#&; hold my cannon ( ooc ) #i feel like the whole shadowplay thing was just the writer's effort to be like #this bitch needs more trauma #but they didn't consider the impact at all #like yes he's afraid of needles and mnemosurgeons and losing control of his mind #to the point where he made it so he can't even get drunk #and has violent outbursts to defend himself #but shadowplay feels worse than getting beat up #at least how i'm interpreting it #particularly when megatron is a lot more resilient to getting the shit kicked out of him #than getting his mind completely altered #so i don't know why the w.hirl thing carries more weight #once my brain works i'll have to make it make sense i guess #also the implication that trauma causes people to become genocidal murderers is WHEW so bad

[sysig]

I really should clean up that KoiBo essay I started, I got like 3k words deep and it was all just mushy rambling about how much I love Souichi

#Koisuru Boukun #I really do love Souichi he's such a fascinating character study #I guess like half of that is also about Morinaga - he's also really interesting but I'm a lot more clinical about him lol #With Morinaga I'm like ''Ah yes his trauma stems from xyz and presents as abc and thus efg happens'' #Whereas with Souichi I'm just like ''Ahhhhhhhhhhh he loves his family so much and he's so stupid but so smart fjdkslafj'' lol #Like there IS analysis in there! I'm particularly fascinated by his perception of nuance in others and himself and how that grows over time #Even just in Challengers - hell /especially/ in Challengers they're already such well fleshed out characters #I consider KoiBo to basically be a soft reboot and some of the decisions are uhhhhhhh questionable #But other than the glaring one they're mostly logically consistent with what Challengers set up and just fjdsklajfldf #They're honestly such interesting characters!! #They're also codependent lol definitely had no impact on my tastes in literature going forward #What's the line I have buried somewhere in the file uhh #If I had a nickel for every time I got fixated on a guy who goes around wearing long coats with lapels has round glasses long hair an... #Interesting personality and whose story centrally focuses on trauma and queer themes in the 90s I'd have two nickels #Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice #I am also fully open to more recommendations of that particular niche if anyone has some because lbrh - they are few and far between #JFKlsfd every time I think about KoiBo I'm just like ''I wish this was written this way on purpose'' lol #It can be cracked open into some of the best writing I've seen about learning to love yourself as an ace person! #But it super does not feel like it was written with that intention!! Agh my conflictions lol #Well that's also part of the charm lol I trend towards forgiveness for things that I love that much #I still always feel like I'm making excuses for liking it as much as I do tho lol ahh......the self consciousness of loving something lol

[yoshifawful64]

.

#god i hate hate hate hate HATE having to go meet people about my whole financial/unemployment status #like yes i know it's not good right now and yes i know something has to be done sooner or later and yes i KNOW i probably need help/a push #but like. idk how to really express it they just… they always look at me in such a superficial way #like they never understand — or even seem to consider — that i am this way for a reason. i got a lot of issues and apprehensions and so on #and most of it roots back to ableism and trauma. but they never really seem to think there may be something beneath the surface #not to mention they keep assuming my family — and my parents in particular — are like cool chummy pals or whatever. or a helpful safety net #instead of people who've regularly & routinely mistreated me and severely hurt my mental health. and whom i wish i could cut out of my life #all that just makes it practically impossible to NOT be severely uncomfortable w/the workers — let alone trust them with my personal stuff #personal #negative #like if you read i guess

[chaoslynx]

8 for the ask game!

8) Do you take inspiration from real life? If so how do you incorporate it into your fics?

Why would you ask something so controversial yet so brave

Ask game!

#answers #baby-egg-anon-for-president #egg anon #the answer is yes #but i don't want to trauma dump out here lmao #i guess nothing is exactly a secret at this point #but if anyone has questions about specifics you're welcome to dm me #i try to be open with y'all to a point #but there's a difference between being open for the sake of helping others and just. venting for my own sake #and i admit that sometimes i struggle to find that line #anyway yeah. anyone's more than welcome to reach out with specific questions #also. i think we all put a little (or a lot) of ourselves into our art. don't we? #you're not 'writing for yourself' if it means nothing to you

[elytrafemme]

okay this is going to sound super fucking bitchy so I need y’all to stick with me here (or don’t) but like. was talking to some people today IRL of course, because school has started, and I’m like kind of awed at how easily and boldly people just. traumadump. to me. like especially this person who I have barely spoken to since freshman year just. said some shit I would put on like a mild tier in terms of traumadumps-to-hear-without-asking but like undeniably gave me more information about their personal life than I really needed to know?

this is a thing with a lot of people IRL and it’s like I absolutely get it because I kind of used to do this. and I’ve had an issue of doing it online I think (I can’t tell if I’m too open or not open at all) but it’s just... fascinating the kind of dynamics I have going on? I literally know every single traumatic event that has occurred to one of my close friends IRL (that I even had a brief stint romantically with!) but I think if you held her at gunpoint she could not name to you even 10 basic facts about me. I’d honestly go as far to say that some people are more willing to unpromptedly tell me the worst thing to happen to them even without knowing my age, and I go that far because in actuality I realize that has happened.

honestly no wonder some people think I’m like elusive or mysterious. I’m literally not but people just tell me Really Emotional Intensive Shit All Of The Time but none of them even know, like. some of the most basic facts about me.

#nightmare.personal #DO NOT REBLOG #yes I am hypocritical I used to trauma dump a lot maybe I still talk too much for comfort and for that genuinely I'm sorry #it's just fascinating to me like. the very fundamental life events that explain how I act as a human being. Nobody knows about #not online and not IRL and they Never Will #so it's interesting like. I know everyone's heaviest life experiences but uh. Nobody really knows why I am the way I am #they've come to their own conclusions though and some of them aren't even wrong! so I guess that's okay enough. #just interesting. not bad not good just interesting imo.

[witchplease-freakbitch]

Emotions are hard. Even more when two highly traumatized people get together and have to watch the other person struggle immensely.

#I know you are trying your best Darling #and I know that you know that I'm doing so as well #it's gonna get easier... just not right now. #For other people reading the tags: #yes a Dom is a person as well #who would have guessed #and yes Doms can hold a lot of trauma as well #and if you feel like invalidating them for that fuck off. seriously. #nobody ever saud that it would be easy #satans asylum toy #your's to break #rom4nce

[petrichorvoices]

we finally caught up on WTNV

#this is the first and only time we've ever been caught up on it. we've been listening since 2019 or so #most of how we caught up starting from 203 was by reading the transcripts and listening to portions of audio #we weren't able to handle doing the full audio episodes #it's. uh. i need some time to think about things. since we've started engaging more in fandom spaces #even if all we're doing is reblogging fanart and all that #i've been having a harder time openly being a fictive. and i always feel strange talking to singlets that are fans of my source #i feel scared that my presence is going to make them uncomfortable to engage in media. that i'm doing something wrong by existing nearby #i don't want to deprive anyone of anything they enjoy. i don't want people to feel awkward talking to me because. well. #i'm blorbo from their podcasts or whatever. i want to be recognized as a person. just a person who happens to also be a fictional character #i feel bad reblogging things from people who are into my source and tagging it as Cecil's tag even if its unrelated to WTNV #because i don't want them to feel like i'm imposing myself and my strangeness on them. and i don't want to give them the same media issues #that we deal with. a lot of our media issues comes from psychosis yes but a part of it is also from being fictives and knowing about them #like i know so fully well that i'm extremely weird and not in the good way. that most people don't and won't believe me about myself #and i don't want to weird them out. i'm terrified TERRIFIED of accidentally letting a WTNV fanartist find out that i'm Cecil and #getting blocked for being some crazy weirdo or whatever. i just. it's a big worry i guess is what there is to say #i want to talk to people and i want to be myself but i think on some level i wish that my self was something else #like. i don't want people to feel like they can't treat fiction as fiction just because i exist #i don't want them to shy away from discussing character's traumas or putting them in weird AUs or whatever #do whatever the hell you want with it my presence shouldn't scare you off from it #i'm kind of repeating myself at this point so i'm gonna stop so. yeah #if you read this full thing we'd appreciate a like on this if that's okay just for paranoia reasons #rambling #Cecil's tag

[ratvich]

literally just thinking about ur trauma is so embarrassing 

#vent #dont rb #i knowwwwwww ur not supposed to compare trauma but ugh #idk #i should just get over it tbh... it literally happens to so many people LOL and i think umm i should be normal <3 #anyhow yesterday was pretty good until the last part of the day that actually sucked mega time. i started dissociated super fucking hard #while watching a presentation the school was doing and it got better when it was over and we moved to the senior lounge but. 😶 #im not saying i tried hurting myself to try and snap out of the dissociation but uh yes i did and UHM. UHM. someone noticed that was like #literally terrifying. hes cool but we dont talk often and i wasnt expecting him to scoot over #when he mentioned the pencil it literally felt like i was about to fucking die i completely froze up #idk hes nice tho #he said i could talk to him if i wasnt feeling ok #so shoutout to him i guess #ANYHOW im good now and im just reading a book a friend sent me #its kinda hard to relate to cause so far has a lot to do with family and so parts of it arent super applicable to me #but eh its fine

[infinitemovielist]

#Encanto #movie poster #Stephanie Beatriz #María Cecilia Botero #John Leguizamo #Jessica Darrow #Diane Guerrero #Mauro Castillo #Angie Cepeda #Carolina Gaitán #Ah yes Disney yet again profiting from Latinx culture written by the diaspora but still directed by Americans #But I guess we'll allow it since it's made with care and some level of accuracy at the very least #The music is quite good #(Dos Oruguitas tugging at our heartstrings) #And John Leguizamo as Bruno \o/ #And we'll take the very veiled message about healing generational trauma that stems from the horrors of colonization #I really appreciate a lot of what was done in this movie (even more so than Coco) #(But I also refuse to sing Disney's high praises when it comes to this)

[still-a-dreamer-even-now]

Went off on another bruce banner rant in another unsuspecting discord server,,,,

#listen #bruce banner #is something that can be so personal #and marvel sucks #thats all #except thats not all #im literally just so upset ab this #macovershares #its not that ragnarok wasn’t a good movie its just #it changed like every character #and hey man if you liked ragnarok good for you i guess #i just #bruce means a lot to me and seeing him treated as a literal joke and throwing his trauma out like that it just #it was not fun #also yes i know this movie happened literal years ago #no im still not over it #anyway #thor ragnarok #the Incredible Hulk

[truckstoptigers]

i keep trying not to give myself any more bruises but like it's either i do that or i throw smth across my room and scream and well. i'm not doing that second one.

#and yes i am aware that neither response is. well-adjusted #ive been like this for as long as i can remember... i remember doing it when i was just five #which was a year after the abuse began so like... #he did beat me sometimes. just not in a very... traditional way? i guess? #always in places where my mom wouldnt see. and if she did see it could still easily be explained by clumsiness on my part #like my thighs. or my sides. my shoulders. stomach. head/face sometimes bc it didnt always bruise. #i was a pretty active kid (in terms of being outside a lot) so it would make sense that i wld come back with new bruises yk? he loved that #it was almost too easy to hide it #haha it kind of fucks me up how used to that shit i got. feeling like i deserve to suffer is just one part of it #anyway. sorry. #milo murmurs #trauma vent #tw self harm #self harm cw