#whereas the people i was most romantically involved with are now invariably bitter strangers

[genderfluid-druid]

like is there a word for "romance is NOT for me oh my GOD it's such a bad idea for the way my brain is built, BUT HOWEVER not every part of my brain has gotten the memo about this and nature still thinks it's funny to kneecap me with a crush every now and then."

#trying to find resources or stories about like. how to COPE when this happens #how to honor the way i feel without suppressing it but also without feeling the need to turn it into a romantic pursuit #also i know labels as strict boxes are only worth thinking about as long as they are helpful #and “im aromantic” is easier to say than “i have a complicated relationship with romance and a lot of emotional baggage and” #well i never feel justified using the word trauma especially because a lot of it was my own doing but #yes a lot of trauma i guess! #anyway #i still have this fear that calling myself aromantic is just a cheat to get away with not wanting to put in the work it would take to build #a real functioning romantic relationship #like is it cowardly of me to say “i am not gonna push my relationships past a certain point with people”. like am i depriving myself of #something i will miss? #sometimes it feels that way #but also #some of my strongest friendships are with people i actively chose not to romance #and i love those people and i am so glad to be friends with them #whereas the people i was most romantically involved with are now invariably bitter strangers #i don't want that. i don't want that with any more people i love #BUT. I DO WISH TO HOLD HANDS!!!!!!! #MY GOD A BITCH IS TOUCH STARVED