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smtown-tourist · 4 months

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A Letter to You - Year 6:

Our dear sweet shiniest angel, it's been 6 years since you left us. It's still so hard to believe that you're gone, but this year I've started to feel a change when people mention you. It's done less out of grief and sadness and more out of love and happiness, of cherishing the life you lived rather than morning the one that you lost.

For the past few years, whenever your anniversary rolls around, I've chosen to write a letter to you as my way of staying connected to you and dealing with my own grief. I've felt a change in that as well because now I don't use it as a coping mechanism as much as I used to as I've begun to look forward to writing these letters. It makes me happy when your anniversary rolls around because I know it means that I can finally rant about everything your group and members have been up to like I'm actually sitting down and having a conversation with you.

It actually makes me a little giddy that Key chose to remember you and celebrate your anniversary in the same manner when he made his instagram post today. It really is a great way of dealing with grief and finding a way to stay connected to you. I don't plan on ever stopping this tradition, but if I ever do, know that it's not because I've stopped loving you or have forgotten you. Eventually, we all have to move on and until I reach that point, this is how I'll choose to remember you on the anniversary of your death.

As a part of every Letter to You that I write, I add pictures of you and your members. This year, I decided to include those from your debut year because 2023 marked 15 years with SHINee. There were so many ways that your group chose to celebrate that milestone and in so many ways they made sure that you were included. You members always make sure to include you in some way, but this year felt extra special and more thought out.

First, SHINee held a 15 Year Anniversary Fan Event. When the news of the event first came out, the venue that was selected was so small in comparison to what you're used to. It was so sad and disrespectful, and as you can imagine, SHINee World wasn't going to sit idly by and let that happen. A petition was released by the official SHINee World Fan Club to have the venue switched to something bigger. You would've been so proud of your fandom for standing up for what it believed in, and part of me believes that the courage we had to stand up for SHINee derived from the examples you set. You were always speaking out against injustice and fighting for what you believed in. Long story short, SM changed the location of the venue, and your members were so grateful for the love that SHINee World has for them. I know that if you had been around to see it, you would've been brought to tears as you thanked SHINee World immensely. You would've told us that we did well just like you always wanted someone to tell you.

Second, SHINee released a music video as a special anniversary present for SHINee World. The song was titled, The Feeling, and the thing that made it so extra special was that it was a video that your members directed all on their own. It was so beautiful, encompassing the essence of SHINee, and brilliantly conveyed the meaning of the song. You would've been proud of your members for showing off their new skill set, and I think the only thing that could've made that music video even better was if the song was written by you. I know you would've loved creating a special song just for SHINee World and your group's 15th anniversary. Don't think that you were left out, though, because in the opening credits of the song, your name was listed there with your members and I know that you were on their minds the whole time they were filming.

Third, SHINee also released an Anniversary Special on YouTube that showcased the members celebrating the anniversary with a road trip. Your members were surprised first with a plushy of you to take along with them, but then they were also surprised with a special presentation of all of SHINee's mementos from over the years. As they were admiring the setup and walking down memory lane while checking out some of your group's older albums, you were brought up a few times. It was great seeing your members smile when they saw pictures of you and hearing them speak fondly of you. We needed to see that from them because it's so hard for us as a fandom to move on and stop grieving when we know that your members haven't moved on and still grieving.

Fourth, a documentary of your group came out a couple months ago celebrating the 15 years that SHINee has been in existence. I haven't seen the movie yet so I can't give you any details about the contents of it, but I know that it held so many memories. It would've been a film that you would've enjoyed not only creating but watching as well. I can't help but wonder what you would've said during your interview portions of the movie if you were still around. I'm sure you would've had us all laughing and crying with the stories you shared, and you probably would've laughed and shed a tear or two as well.

Fifth, 2023 didn't just mark SHINee's 15th Debut Anniversary but it also marked the 10th Year Anniversary of when SHINee won Artist of the Year at the MMA's. 2013 truly became SHINee's year and it feels so right that 2023 also ended up becoming another year marked by SHINee. When your group won Artist of the Year, it was one of the most memorable award winnings for your group. EVERYONE, not just SHINee and SHINee World, remember that day, and it was shown when the MMA's put together a speical video just for SHINee. We felt your tears that day and we remember them so clearly like it was yesterday. We remember how happy you were and we also remember how much you all wept, the humbleness you and your members showed as you all insisted that you didn't deserved that reward but would continue to work harder to improve. Well, I'm hear to tell you that you all DESERVED that award and every other that has come after that. The impact SHINee has had on the industry was felt then and it's still felt now. Your group ended up winning Performance Stage of the Year at the MMA's and like true legends, your members showed the whole world WHY because they KILLED IT! The performance your group gave still gives me goosebumps when I think about it now. They showed everyone that was watching why SHINee is known as the Kings of Live Vocals, of live performances in general. Your group managed to bring the fun back to the End of the Year Awards as they had everyone, especially the idols in attendance up on their feet and singing along. SHINee is the group that inspired so many of these young artists to become idols, and I know that you would've been so proud of your group and its accomplishments.

I decided to wait to talk about SHINee's comeback this year until I reached Onew's portion of the letter. That's because this comeback was the first since your death that SHINee has promoted as an incomplete unit. Right before SHINee was supposed to start promoting their 8th album, Hard, an announcement was made that Onew would be put on Hiatus to recover from some unnamed health problems. It was so devastating when that news first came out because so many of us were looking forward to having SHINee back together after two years, but you would be proud of SHINee World. Instead of focusing on ourselves, we cheered Onew on and showed him how much love and patience we have as we promised to wait for his return.

I know that deciding to go on Hiatus wasn't an easy decision for Onew to make since he's the leader. I'm sure that he had a lot of worries and doubts, some fears that he would be forgotten. I chose this set of photos of him comforting you because I know that if you had been around, YOU would've been the one comforting him during that time. I can picture you telling Jinki not to worry because you would handle everything and make sure that nobody forgot about him while he was gone. You were always his right hand man as the second eldest. You would help each other in so many ways and you were never afraid to step up and take over when you felt it was right.

Even though I know it was a hard decision for Onew to make, I stand by the fact that it was the best decision that he ever made. Right before he went on Hiatus, he looked so frail and sickly, the skinniest we'd ever seen it. It was heartbreaking and so concerning. But you should see him now. Jinki looks so much happier and healthier in the recent photos that have come out of people running into him in public. You would be so proud of Onew, your only hyung inside the group, for looking out for his own health and setting such a good example for everyone that it's okay to take time off and focus on your well-being. I think he learned that from you since you were such an advocate for mental health and spoke openly about your struggles. I know Onew isn't as open about those kinds of things as you were, and I don't want him to ever feel pressured to share with us the details of what he was going through at the time, but I think in his own way, when he wrote a personal letter to SHINee World that it was his own way opening up to us.

On a more positive note, Onew did make a solo comeback earlier in the year. Personally, it's probably one of my favorite releases from him because the song is so touching and the music video itself was beautiful, a real cinematic masterpiece. You would've loved every part of it, especially the song since it was a ballad. That was always something that you two bonded over. I could just imagine you covering it at some point.

You would've been proud of your Kibummie for everything that he did this year. With you and Onew gone, SHINee's middle child had to take the reigns and lead the group. 2min didn't make it the easiest task, but I'll get to that later. Even so, Key has done an amazing job of leading SHINee and making sure that SHINee stays whole. Both you and Onew taught him well in that regards. Key was always good at taking care of SHINee like an umma, but he's really stepped up and taken on that Hyung role these past 6 months. I'm sure he has a new found level of respect and gratitude for you and Onew for being the eldest members in the group.

The Hard album had so many amazing songs on it, as I'm sure you would've guessed, but there's one song in particular that I want to mention and it feels right to do so during Key's section of the letter because Key was the one that spoke about this song, how it stood out to the group during preparations and quickly became his favorite. The song is called Identity, and it's a song about loving yourself for who you are and not being afraid to show it. I know that if you would've been there to hear this song's demo, you would've immediately fallen in love with it just like Key did since both of you always wore your identities on your sleeves. You should also know that Key wasn't the only one that heavily identified with his song. As soon as it came out, this song became an instant favorite of those belonging to the LGBTQIA+ Community and it was one that they claimed as their own. The Seoul Pride Festival even made Identity one of the main songs for their parade playlist. You would've been proud of that accomplishment since that's another thing that you and Key had in common: your love and acceptance for the LGBTQUIA+ Community. None of us will ever forget the time you personally reached out to a trans student and posted their protest letter as your profile picture on Twitter. You did something that no other idols at the time had the guts to do, and it's because of that that you've influenced others in the industry to be more open about being queer themselves or an ally to the community. I know the moment that you found out about Identity playing at the Seoul Pride Festival, you would've unashamedly made a post telling everyone how honored you are that one of SHINee's songs was chosen for such an event.

Key also released a repackage album and mini album this year. They were great as always and part of that has to do with Key using his music as a representation of himself. And in a cute way of remembering you, in his latest music video for his song, Good & Great, there was a part where BOK-SILLee, the fluffy pink monster that first made an appearance with Key's Gasoline comeback, popped up and there were five of them. It was a subtle nod to SHINee but it was so heartwarming to see five of them.

Also during Key's Good & Great promotions, he appeared on a variety show that hosts idols that are dog owners. While talking with the MC of the show, Key was asked if his dogs had any favorite SHINee members. Key didn't hesitate to mention that you were always Comme Des' favorite. That wasn't a surprise to any of us because we all remember quite vividly how you tried to eat Comme Des during one of the episodes of SHINee's One Fine Day. I'm sure that must've had a lasting impact on Comme Des since it won you a place in his heart. It does make me sad to think that a show like that wasn't around when you were still alive. I know that you would've begged to appear on that show with Roo so you could brag about your baby to the world. You would've also have loved to attend the doggie birthday party for Comme Des and Garcon with Roo. You would've showed up with her wearing a cute little bow and presents for Key's puppies. Byulroo is doing well, in case you were wondering, and Sodam-noona continued to take good care of her and give us regular updates. I'm sure you already knew that your baby was in good hands or else you would've have felt comfortable leaving her.

As I mentioned before, 2min have been making Key's life as SHINee's temporary leader a lot more stressful. Your two youngest have become a bunch of wild-childs lately and I'm sure Key can't wait for Onew to come back and take over. Recently, they were causing trouble during one of SHINee's concerts. They started sword fighting with the key chains on their belts, and I doubt I have to tell you what it all looked like. The fandom went wild after the footage of that came out, so much laughter, and I'm sure while you would've been nagging at them for ruining SHINee's image, you also would've been right there with them since you always loved to put a smile on the Shawols' faces and make them laugh. The proof can be seen in the loads of footage of you doing wildly scandalous things with your members on stage just to get a reaction from the crowd. That was one of the things we loved about you and fondly cherish now that you're gone.

Something that I know probably makes you jealous is that 2min have also been spending a lot of time going to the gym together. I know that was something that you and Minho always bonded over when you were alive and I'm sure that it would've been something that the three of you enjoyed doing together. It makes me wish that you were still around so you could be a part of those trips to the gym. I know that if you were you would've made tons of appearances on Minho's instagram stories. We would've seen your thumbs-up and instagram handle tagged in so many of those posts, and it makes me sad that we'll never get to see that. You're probably also jealous that Minho recently grew an extra 0.2 centimeters. You're probably nagging at the Universe right now for it and asking why it never made you 0.2 centimeters taller. I know that if you had been alive when Minho discovered that, you would've never let him hear the end of it while Minho rubbed it in your face every chance he got. He used to love doing that: giving you a hard time about your height. It was always done out of love, so I hope you aren't holding that against him.

You should be proud of Minho, though, because he also recently was chosen as the person to carry and light the torch for the Seoul's Winter Olympics. It made him so happy, and it really shows how wide-spread his love for sports is that he out of so many was chosen to do such an honor. I know that you would've been proud and I know that you would've made sure everyone knew it, too, when you made a post congratulating Minho on that accomplishment with a photo of you watching the footage live. You were always so great about showing your support for the things that the SHINee members did outside of the group that I know that moment wouldn't have been any different.

This year was a speical one for your Taeminnie as he finally made his long awaited comeback from his Military Hiatus. Taemin getting discharged marked the end to SHINee's Enlistment Era, and I'm sure you were cheering alongside side us when we welcomed him back with open arms. Right away, Taemin showed that you've been on his mind a lot this year. He was the first one to speak fondly of you during SHINee's Anniversary Special by complimenting you on how pretty you were and sharing the fondness he had for your signature chest mole that he lovingly called The Mind's Eye. It was also during that special that Taemin decided to perform a special piano cover of your song, End of a Day. I know that if you were still alive you would've enjoyed getting to perform it alongside him and it would've been a beautiful performance.

Your maknae would've made you proud with his latest comeback. His song, Guilty, became an instant sensation, and truly, everything about that comeback was exceptional. From the stunning music video to the iconic choreography, I know that you would've been in love with it all. You never did let anyone forget that you were the King of the Taemints. There was never any doubt for how much you loved Taemin and how proud he made you with his accomplishments and growths as an artist. It's really thanks to you that he had the motivation and ambition to strive to be better. Taemin showed that when he dedicated a song to you during his appearance on the singing show Dingo. He was so happy to share how the song was one you used to sing when you practiced and it inspired him to become a better vocalist. You're the reason that Taemin has been able to rid himself of the Tone Deaf label, a label that you probably always despised and disagreed with since you knew better than anyone that Taemin had so much potential and a great singing voice.

I know that Key already told you about this but just this past weekend, Taemin held his first concert since being discharged. I don't have to tell you that it was a show like no other because you've personally attended one of Taemin's solo concerts before. We all remember how you showed up, decked head to toe in Taemin merch and screamed his name at the top of your lungs. I know that if you had still been alive, you would've attended Metamorph as well with MinKey and SHINee's choreographer Kany, who you would've LOVED even before you found out that she's a Shawol herself. I know you would've been battling it out with Minho to see who could cheer for Taemin the loudest and get his attention first. I know you would've been crying happy tears seeing your baby do so well and receive so much love. I know you would've fought to be the first one to take a selca with him and immediately uploaded it to your instagram. I know that you would've been losing your shit right there with us when Taemin ripped his shirt off before quickly snapping a picture of him and uploading it with some kind of embarrassing caption. You would've had a heart attack during the portion when Taemin hung upside down but also been so amazed by it, making one of your iconic super-shocked faces with your eyes and mouth as wide as they could go. And even though you weren't there in person, I know that your presence could be felt in that stadium as you wouldn't want to miss the chance at seeing your baby perform. You would've blessed Taemin and made sure that everything went well.

Overall, 2023 was an amazing year for your group. It's breathtaking to see how far all of you have come and to know that SHINee is still capable of beating even the newest, most popular 4th Gen groups. The impact and legacy your group has had on K-pop has stood the test of time and it is one that will always be cherished. The Hard comeback, as sad as it was that Onew couldn't truly be a part of it to the fullest, was incredible nonetheless. It gained so much love and attention and it's a part of why 2023 should be known as SHINee's Year. It makes me wish you could've been here to be a part of it all. I wish we could've seen you in the music videos and heard your voice on the album. I wish you could've been there for the music show performances, for every award winning, for the celebration of SHINee's 15th anniversary, for SHINee's concerts, for SHINee's Crop Top Era, for the premier of the SHINee documentary, for your members' solo comebacks, for their solo concerts, for the hardships that some of them had to face, for the laughs that they shared, for the tears that they shed, for the memories that they made. But even though you weren't physically there, your members made sure that no one forgets about you. You haven't been forgotten. Your life might've been lost but the memories that you left behind will live on forever and be cherished by every person whose life you touched.

We love you, Kim, Jonghyun, and always know that you did well.

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