raisaumexique

[raisaumexique]

[raisaumexique]

24/06/2022

part 5

tulum

so i go back to the dancefloor feeling like complete shit and i find titus who’s like « oh my god baby what’s going on ??? » and so i tell him everything and i ask him if that makes a bad person and he squished my face between his hands and said « i literally don’t understand half of the story nor do i know any of the people concerned but you are not a bad person you’re on vacation and you’re having fun ». that reassured me but i also needed to confront lautaro and his cowardice. so i found him and told him « i don’t know what the fuck is going on but you’re not going to use me to disrespect another girl why haven’t you told her clearly that you’re not interested ? » he responded by saying « i’m free i can do whatever i want, you’re free too you didn’t disrespect anyone neither did i she just thinks we’re a thing when we’re not, i like you not her », « she’s hurt she’s not crazy you hurt her and you’re not taking responsibility being free doesn’t mean you don’t communicate with people and i personnaly don’t care for complicated things so if this is going to be complicated i’m over it ». i saw him leave shortly after with agustin. deciding to not put more energy into this reality tv show skit, i went to dance with titus. he was being extra cute, making me twirl, lifting me up, squishing my cheeks, singing me the lyrics to songs he didn’t know, pointing at me anytime a song would mention a beautiful girl that i very much forgot the existence of lautaro and joanna. during a song he took me into his arms and told me he was so happy to see me again. my heart was very full. i looked up at him to respond and that’s when he gently kissed me. absolument rien avoir avec le baiser de lautaro, là c’était d’une douceur j’étais pas prête. i hadn’t even realised that we were no longer platonic it felt extremely natural and the kiss didn’t change the youthful dynamic of our interactions. we would continue throughout the night to jump everywhere, dance like it was a middle school party and speculate on where the wet people could be in the party. the kisses were just a natural added addition. abraham, titus’ best friend who was the one who had initially recognized me, was really cute too. he kept teasing me and when i would pout he would laugh and hug me. these boys were just giving me so much affection without asking anything in return, the chronically touch/affection starved demon that i am was very content. when we left the club at closing i found luna talking with a british guy, who’s name i forgot, that she met originally at playa del carmen. he was tall and wide and i wanted to climb him like a tree (not sexual). we all decided to go look for an afterparty. as i no longer wanted to walk titus piggybacked me all the way to the other place, not without complaining and naruto running down the streets. when we arrived at the place we decided it was trash so luna’s guy said we could just smoke some weed in front of his hostel. titus and abraham had to head back to their hostel so they both gave me huuuuge hugs and titus gave me a big smooch and i left with luna and her rugbyman. i told luna about the whole night we smoked weed with the rugbyman and his friends who were very hot très mullet très gros bras très miam. they took me back to the hostel and i fell asleep easily knowing i had a good night and others not hihi.

[raisaumexique]

24/06/2022

part 4

tulum

he starts dancing with me then he realises i’m not okay so he guides us out of crowd. when we’re in a much calmer spot we don’t even have time to start talking that luna, my child that i raised with my bare hands, arrives and starts calling lautaro out on his shit in spanish. as a professional actress i acted like i didn’t understand anything she was saying but really she said : « listen, i think you’re a good guy and i think it’s nice what’s happening here but you need to stop hurting joanna’s feelings and talk to her. » to which he responded « i don’t like her. i like raïssa and she just doesn’t get it » and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHH. then i just phased out, after luna went to the toilets i asked lautaro what was going on and he was like nothing… and i was like well yes something and he said well i slept with joanna once but you’re the one that i like and i made that clear… before i could even respond to say that i doubted he made things clear with joanna he grabbed my face and kissed me. and by kiss me i mean le boug a tenté de m’arracher la bouche wesh y’a pas les argentins il faut se calmer por favor. now as a whore, any ounce of female solidarity left my body when he kissed me i literally just started kissing him back. it was really good lol no offense. so we’re making out in the open as if we were lovers that were separated by war and at one point i stop kissing and who do i see ??? JOANNA. i was like yikeeeees. lautaro the fucking coward literally fled when he saw her and i was left standing like this 😖✌🏾. joanna came up to me and said « girl i love you but what you did was fucked up, you broke the sister code. i’m done with you, we’re over ». i was like ???? ma’am ?? this is a chilis ??? i felt so bad my brain was just repeating : am i a whore ? so luna comes out of the toilet and i’m like lunaaaar oh my god and joanna literally grabs her arm and forces her to go in the toilet with her and luna’s between both of us and i’m like just go with her she needs you more than me.

[raisaumexique]

24/06/2022

part 3

tulum

we go into the owner’s car and drove to the other party hostel. when we arrived the owner paid the staff + me (ptdr vraiment toujours au bon endroit au bon moment) drinks. as we were dancing lau kept doing his little argentinian moves on me and i had literally no resolve, then at one point i turned around and vaguely recognized a face near me. confused and extremely drunk i didn’t think anything then a guy looked at me and said « hey weren’t you in valladolid ? » and i don’t immediately recognize him but it confirms that i fucking know the other guy it’s FUCKING TITUS OH MY GOD !!! i also forgot to say at the first place i saw sophie one of the argentinian girls i met on my first night in mexico !!! but anyways TITUUUS ! i literally jumped into his arms then started hitting him because the asshole had a smug look on his face. we immediately picked off from where we left and started dancing crazily like the teenagers we were. at one point he tried to lift me up to put me on a table and i nearly fell and bashed my head against the floor. after succeeding we both started dancing on the table, i was having so much fun and felt so fucking grateful to see him again. he told me he was heading to bacalar in a few days and he asked if i was going to. i physically cannot do something that i intended to do if someone asks me to like i just cannot. so we’re dancing hand in hand moving around like your favorite characters from your favorite 80s romcom and honestly at the moment it’s just him and me in that place. i completely forget about les marseillais à tulum it’s just me and my guy. at one point i see luna and the others have arrived so i excitedly introduce titus to luna and i’m just very very happy. because the place is really crowded i loose titus at one point and the others and i actually start getting a bit anxious because crowds aren’t cute lol and there comes lautaro.

[raisaumexique]

24/06/2022

part 2

tulum

anastasia, the ex-staff member from our first tour, told me that her boyfriend was dj-ing at this event and that everyone was going. now anastasia is the techno equivalent of a rapper’s wife : she will promote that shit even if it’s trash because ride or die i guess. so while everyone was ready to go anastasia told us to wait because lautaro and some other staff members weren’t ready yet. i was like why are we waiting we should go they can join us after. so we headed out to her boyfriend’s gig… it was empty. i felt second embarrassment for anastasia so i just danced to try to shake away the embarrassment. me and nadir (ugh) were the only ones dancing then a few other people started dancing too. lukas, joanna’s friend from home, was also dancing with us but we told ourselves that at one point we would have to head out. deciding that alcohol might be the solution to this situation i went to the bar where i was offered a free shot, then joanna arrived beside me. next scene is complètement lunaire j’avais l’impression d’être dans les marseillais à tulum. so joanna turns to look at me and i see that she has the face of a girl who is trying very hard not to look like she’s hurt and i’m like ayo what the fuck is going on ? she tells me : « can i have him tonight ? » i’m like what ? she says « can i have lau tonight, please, you can have him tomorrow ». i was flabbergasted. how fucking tragic to be one of the hottest people in the room but find yourself begging to fuck a man that won’t even say hello to you. shock doesn’t even cut it i literally thought i was hallucinating. le jour où je me retrouve à faire ça mais abattez moi sur la place publique. i don’t even know what i said i was so embarrassed for her and a little sad like who the fuck hurt this girl and where were her femmes friends to tell her that no man on earth is worth degrading ones self like that ? just after that interaction i went to snitch to mathilde, a french girl who was volunteering at the hostel, and she was like « waaaaah mais la honte putain la pauvre c’est chaud wesh ». we were both astounded by the lack of dignity and respect that joanna had for herself. so i was like okay i’m just not getting involved in that i’m going to dance and do my shit. except. i’m a capricorn. so at one point lau comes to tell me that they’re changing places so i go tell luna who’s with joanna and co and they tell me to wait and i’m like well no ? the purpose of traveling alone is that i don’t have to wait for people i can just do what i want so i left with lau and the rest of the hostel staff.

[raisaumexique]

24/06/2022

tulum

part 1

on friday i woke up extremely hungover and ready for the day. it was also the hostel’s one year anniversary. for breakfast i had stale toasts because i had no avocado left and couldn’t physically bring myself to get more food. after that dry ass breakfast i saw luna who was looking equally as ill as me. we lounged for a bit on the hammocks then we got hungry and decided to go get some food. we bumped into joanna who said she needed to buy some things to make cocktails for the party. so we got burritos and took a collectivo to the store. me and luna bought rhum to make rhum and pineapple cocktails and joanna bought ameretto to make ameretto sours. it was nice doing these little errands with the girls and soon after i couldn’t feel the hangover anymore. when we got back to the hostel we immediately went by the pool to chill. emily who hadn’t joined us for the errands was relieved to have us back. while in the pool emily and joanna started talking about they wanted to get absolutely wasted that night. i obviously supported that decision. then lautaro and his friend lukas walked in the hostel, they had came back from valladolid. now i personally acknowledged him with a smile, as he did, but i didn’t engage with him further. after a while the girls decided to get ready for the party and i followed them not long after. i put on my little whore white dress (that i would never wear in france without having a dymorphic induced panic attack), a little eyeliner and boom ready to go. the hostel party was chill, alot of permanent residents who had stayed there before came and it was basically cocktails pizza and socializing. i met this french girl called emma who had electric pink hair and tattoos everywhere. it was a weird shock to find the pseudo parisian underground look in tulum so i wanted to know her story. she told me she came to tulum a month ago and decided to live there, she opened a psychic cabinet. she’s a psychic. now as you all know i am not a sceptic at all but i do love spotting frauds who claim they have spiritual powers. we started a conversation and she kept making different remarks about me, my purpose and my power. she gave me her point of view, i assessed it and well i agree. i won’t develop more on that because i reserve those thoughts for my actual journal. after the 4th cocktail i was already craving for more dancing. so in true manic pixie dream girl fashion i started dancing in front of one of the staff dj-ing. while doing so, lautaro came to talk to me. he started speaking in these low tones saying how happy he was to see me, that he missed me and we started bantering. he would occasionally brush his hands against my waist or whisper sentences into my ears and i’m sorry but i was in fucking tulum with this tall argentinian guy of course i would fucking flirt back, girls need love too as summer walker once said. after a while i decided to go talk to some other people.

[raisaumexique]

23/06/2022

tulum

part 2/2

luna started putting glitter and eyeliner on anyone who consented, everyone started getting buzzed and excited and it felt like i was in uni again. joanna was there and i made it my mission to speak to her at one point to put everything on the table in regards to lautaro. when we were all set and ready we headed to the party hostel. on the way, nadir the fucking french idiot, was being annoying and loud as fuck so i repeatedly told him to shut the fuck up. upon arrival c’était tout de suite n’importe quoi. the staff were already dancing on the bar pouring tequila down innocent partygoers throats and spraying mezcal on anyone in their radius. the music was actually not that trash but still not what i would listen to back home. after an hour there i was already smashed to the gods, dancing on table tops getting beer and tequila spilled on me, getting my first ever body shot curtesy of emily. it was scandalous. luna and me kept saying « IF I WAS BACK IN ENGLAND/FRANCE I WOULD HATE THIS SORT OF PLACE SO MUCH » while moving our bodies to yet another bad bunny remix. at one point i took joanna apart from the crowd and told her the following : yes i had hooked up with lautaro on my first week but i wasn’t back in tulum for him and that if i would never interfere in their relationship if there was something deeper and more emotional for her. she was touched by the gesture and told me i had nothing to worry about that she had beef with him because she felt used but didn’t care about him like that, he had told her that he didn’t want a relationship and neither did she but that doesn’t mean she didn’t deserve respect. i agreed with her and told her fuck men anyways and dragged her out to drink and dance. so that’s exactly what we did. hoe activities did ensue with a guy from chili that i quickly avoided after his 5th attempt at interrupting my solo dancing. i also danced with this british guy from the west indies and it was extremely satisfying to my soul to dance with a guy that actually knew how to dance without it being sexualised. then me and luna just kept going and getting free drinks while unbeknownst to us, most of the others had left. so when the club closed me and luna were absolutely not ready to go home so we went on the hunt for an after party. i have no idea how we found the other place but when we arrived it was absolutely trash and we told ourselves we wouldn’t stay long. then i spotted a girl who kept staring at me and i was like ??? do i know this woman ? she came up to me and asked if i was in merida not long ago i was like yeah ?? then she went I’M SARAH WE MET IN MERIDA and i went OH MY GOD THAT’S TRUE and she was with ANDRES !!!!! I WAS LIKE AHHHHH !!! me and andres hugged for so long because 1. we were wasted 2. we thought we would never see each other again ! it truly felt like a high school reunion. we took a picture to send to annabelle who was working in the jungle. we promised that we’d find a way to reunite our little one night ragtag group and go on an adventure and whichever part of the globe we wanted ! after that me and luna headed back to the hostel, drunk af and went to bed covered in glitter, alcohol and foreign kisses.

[raisaumexique]

23/06/2022

tulum

part 1/2

on thursday i woke up early, got breakfasr then went into the pool where i read « and the mountains echoed ». i remembered that last night we told each other we would watch the sunrise on the beach with chris viv and luna. naturally, none of us woke up. i didn’t even get to say goodbye to chris before he took his plane but that’s life ! after a while in the pool i went into a hammock to continue my reading. luna came by a bit later, she had taken a muay thai class at the gym next to the hostel. fucking cool little kid. vivienne came to chill with us too. we smoked a joint by the pool then decided to take a(nother) high walking tour of the tulum ! we got tortas, paletarias, tacos and any snack we could bite our teeth into. it was extremely hot outside so we didn’t last more than a couple of hours walking around. we headed back to the hostel where we all went to do our separate things. i continued reading my khaled hosseni novel. cried silently in the hammock because it was sad as fuck. after a few hours i went by the pool where i found luna and emily, a girl from australia. they were making plans for going out that night with a few other people from the hostel. i went to get ready then joined the others for pre-drinks in the courtyard.

[raisaumexique]

22/06/2022

valladolid

in the morning annabelle woke me up to give a goodbye hug. she gave me a sweet kiss on my forehead and wished me a good end of my trip. i may or may not have teared up a little. after she left i went back to sleep for a couple of hours. when i woke up i packed my shit, got breakfast, and headed out to the bus station. not before seeing lukas again and doing our dumb handshake and him making me promise that we would meet again in le lavandou (ptdr). at the bus station there were a few british kids from the hostel who were heading to tulum to take a bus to bacalar. on the bus i daydreamed. oh i forgot to say but when i woke up i saw thag lautaro had messaged me, « i’m so sorryyyy i forgot my phone at the hostel !! i went out with friends i forgot ». blasée de ouf parce que je suis pas venue ici pour ce genre de choses j’ai tout simplement répondu « no problem hope you had fun ». men will get no reaction from me.

tulum

when i arrived in tulum the brits tried to get me to come to bacalar with them but i couldn’t cancel my hostel reservation on such short notice so i just told them i would meet them there ! stepping out of the bus station i felt a small surge of anxiety. why the fuck was i back in tulum ?? the anxiety quickly dispelled when i entered the hostel and was welcomed by the warm smiles and greetings of the staff and the long term residents that i had met my first time there. i felt like i was coming home. it was really nice. while checking in je me suis tout simplement faite traquenarder ptdrrr. so the girl at the reception (who’s name i keep forgetting but she’s an angel and looks like an argentinian version ofgisele bundchen) was like welcome back omggg !! i was like hihihi yesss !! then she saw that i had only booked for two nights and it went down like this :

argentinian gisele bundchen : oh my god you’re leaving on friday morning ?

me : yeah i’m heading to bacalar…

AGB : nooo you can’t friday night is the hostel’s one year anniversary they’ll be free pizza and booze and live music

me : oh my god….

AGB : i’m booking you another night there’s no way you’re missing this i’m giving you a discount okay done.

me : well…

no really je me suis faite traquenarder. i unpacked my stuff in my room, took out my khaled hosseni book and went into the pool. i stayed in the pool four hours devouring through my book. after a few hours luna entered the hostel !!! i gave my adopted baby sister a huge hug because i truly was happy to see her again. she asked if i had eaten i said no so we went out to a local restaurant. while in the restaurant i caught her up on my adventures and she caught me up with the hostel drama. long story short she had hooked up with one of the french guys, nadir (a fucking alcoholic who should really get professional help before i punch him in the face), broken up with her boyfriend from home and gotten close to one of the staff members joanna a hot girl from switzerland. now i don’t remember if i mentioned joanna before because i absolutely don’t reread my shit but let me state this : i could tell from the start joanna was a pick me in dire need of female friendships before losing herself completely to the claws of the male gaze. i could tell she had a thing for lautaro but i didn’t really think much of it at that time. not until luna told me that her and lautaro had sex twice and that he would never speak to her in the day. INSTANT TRIGGER PTDR. i was like welllllll that fucking SUCKS. i wasn’t shocked because i no longer have the ability to be shocked by male incompetence but i was a bit angry. luna told me that joanna acted like she didn’t care but she would leave parties early because he ignored her or try to bring over her dates to make him jealous and come back from said dates sad as fuck because she didn’t feel anything. i cringed and felt for her. cringe because one should never embarrass themselves for a man, felt because i get what it is to want something that is not good for you. that conversation confirmed me my gut feeling about lautaro that i don’t if i mentioned here. an emotionally immature man who thinks he can do casual but doesn’t understand that casual still means respect. i don’t care if a person treats me right if they don’t treat another person right. so as a woman lover i decided to side with joanna with this. we headed back to the hostel where we rested in the hammocks having those little philosophical conversations that us girls have. while in the hammock i saw chris and vivienne from valladolid enter the hostel !!! i forgot to mention that i told them to come to tulum with me so we could spend some time together before chris left for germany and me and vivienne could go to bacalar together ! so we all huddled together near the pool drinking beers. at one point omun, a very enlightened man from the netherlands, gave us each multiple grams of weed which we proceeded to smoke. me and chris shared a hammock and started spiraling on the ethical and productive use of rest and how doing nothing is okay as long as it’s not inaction in the face of injustice. conversations bubbled around us and i felt really safe and nice and this little cocoon. at one point i started dosing off in the hammock then woke up silently to go to bed, feeling content with ending the night having absorbed all the warmth of these people.

[raisaumexique]

21/06/2022

N.B : as of now i have landed in paris and will be trying to recollect my thoughts and shit of my last days in mexico

chichen itza

uesday me and annabelle went to chichen itza. i made the grave error of waking up late because of my fucking hangover. one does not wake up late to go to chichen itza for fear of encountering the hordes of tourists waiting to take their annual family trip picture holding the point of the pyramid. that is exactly what happened. they were fucking everywhere. it was awful. i had to put my earphones on and astral project into a time where mortals didn’t walk these earths. the music and my uncanny aptitude in absolutely dissociating to the gods helped alot. it made things bearable. i walked around the grounds exploring everything the archeological site had to offer. hilarious that other than the field where the mayan calendar stood there was nearly no one lol. after a couple of hours of visiting the weight of the sun pushed me down. i went exited the site and took a collectivo back to the hostel.

valladolid

back in the hostel i sat on the rooftop to write some travel diary entries. i waited for annabelle to come back as she had decided to go to a cenote. i think i chatted with the little british trio and then nothing much. when annabelle came back i waited for her to shower and dressed her in my clothes because the idiot had left her luggage in merida with her lover. bless her heart. it was officially our last night together in mexicooo. she was heading to her workaway in the jungle and i was heading to tulum then bacalar (at least i thought i was at the time). so we bought beers and drank on the rooftop. while we were having drinks we started speaking with this french couple that were also traveling through mexico. no i personnaly was into the idea of bacalar but i thought might as well ?? to be honest i had no idea what i wanted to do with the last leg of my trip. i was so happy and content with everything i did and i knew i was coming back to do the pacific coast. so i was content happy with no idea where to go with the rest of my money. i sent a message to luna, the british girl that i had met in tulum, to ask if she was still there. she said yes !!! she told me to come that there were alot of cool new people here and i could spend one or two nights before going to bacalar. the plan sounded nice and i did want to spend more time with luna who i really liked ! so i booked the hostels and the bus rides. after doing all of this guess who sent me a message : lautaro, lol. he told me he was in valladolid ?? i was like um. let’s meet up. obviously. he said he was doing some work for the new hostel that was opening there i was like nice let’s meet up. he said he was eating then he’ll head out. i was like cool. ignoring my phone i continued hanging out with the others. at one pount the french couple retired to their chambers and a dutch guy and english guy walked in, lol. they asked if they could join us, lol. apparently i had talked to the dutch guy, lukas, last night. i had a very vague recollection of me asking why he needed a knife in the kitchen while being absolutely hammered. he said that we had a whole conversation in french. i basically sat there not remembering. the english guy who’s name i don’t remember was really nice ! we bonded over everything english and it was nice. i’ll say it again but i have truly reconnected with my english roots during this trip it’s not even funny. i feel an urge to go live in london for a year and appropriate young english adult culture and trauma. during all this lautaro had not messaged me back. as i am a prideful capricorn i did not message him asking what’s up. i let it pass. lukas tried to make up a handshake with me in order for us to remember next time we saw each other. he told me he spoke and understood a bit of french because his family has been vacationing in le lavandou for years. mdr. he formally invited me to come and visit this summer. mind you i did not encourage this behavior no cool girl trope no nothing. anyways after too many beers we all said our goodbyes and headed to bed. not before i got three warm hugs. god i love hugging.

[raisaumexique]

20/06/2022

valladolid

part 2/2

at midnight it was actually annabelle’s birthday, she was feeling a bit down but i convinced her to go out with us to the local salsa bar. at the bar i met other people from the hostel. one of them was a dutch guy, my age, called titus. instant connection once again. it felt like i was with on first trip with my childhood bestfriend. we danced badly on even badder music (not salsa just commercial). we waved our overgrown limbs everywhere and begged the staff to put some disco on. we laughed so much. annabelle had headed off with a guy and i was just being stupid with this dude. we left the bar at one point, very drunk, and headed back to the hostel. at no point whatsoever did i feel any attraction to this guy. i had just found a past raïssa’s best friend. in the hostel we got some water and started making up stories about an ancient secret organisation that wanted to rule the world : the wet people. the wet people were invisible beings that lived and spied on us near bodies of water. so no titus we can’t go skinny dipping think about the wet people. fuck you’re right sargent raïssa and jesus be careful with the water they’ll read through your mind if you spill to much on yourself. lord, you’re right colonel titus how could i forget. it was so much fun. at one point he carried me on his shoulders threatening to throw me over the roof if i ever deserted our alliance and betrayed him for the wet people. then we sat down quietly having used of our energy. he softly asked me how to say « i’m happy to be here with you » in french, i translated. i then asked him how to say the same in dutch. we then sat silently watching the sky. then we resumed our tomfoolery by making up voice overs of the passerbys we saw on the street. it was nearing 3AM and titus announced that he needed to go to bed. i agreed. he then took me in arms lifted me off the floor and gave me the biggest hug his skinny arms could bear. i melted into his arms and thanked the universe for allowing me to meet an old friend again. we knew we weren’t going to see each other again nor speak to each other but we were thankful for being granted this moment. i went to bed safe and sound and alive.

[raisaumexique]

20/06/2022

valladolid

part 1/2

on monday i woke up ready to visit the cityyy. i went to kitchen rooftop to get some breakfast, there i met chris, a fucking giant of man, a german guy and vivienne an australian beauty. we immediately started chatting. they had met previously at their hostel in holbox. they were really cool. chris had mean traveling through latin america for 6 months and was heading back to germany in a few days. vivienne was starting her one year of traveling. she was first in vegas for EDC then came down to mexico to start her adventure. while talking onno came into the kitchen. he had become this small shy boy instead of the cocky skater dude of the night before. good pussy does that to a man (ptdr jpp je me tue). while eating a second breakfast chris asked if i wanted a russian card game with them while waiting out for the rain to pass. sonwe started playing. onno rolled a giant spliff that he passed around while we played. at the end of the game i was zonked out of my mind and announced that it was time to get our raincoats and visit the city. onno was leaving to get a new phone as he had broken his old one. we hugged goodbye and told each other that we would meet in san cristobal. same sensation as in my last night in merida : i knew what could’ve been and what probably was in another life but in this life i don’t follow lovers anymore i follow myself. as some of you may know i’ve been there done that in following a lover on an adventure and well, no thank you. so i knew it was our last goodbye and i was happy with it. equiped with our raincoats we headed out to tour the city. as we were all very high our walking tour quickly became a munchies tour. we stopped at every vendor to get marquesitas, tortas and ice cream. it was soooo good. chris was barefoot because he’s edgy like that. « i hate wearing shoes, i’m a surfer » yes of course dude whatever you say. we had so much fun just eating our way through the city. i finally bought a new disposable cameraaaaa. after a few hours we got hungry but for dinner. during that time i recieved a message from annabelle announcing that she was apparently staying in the same room as me. i bust out laughing. when she told me she was staying back in merida i actually weote her a « see you in marseille » message thinking our trip together was over but no destiny had another plan. so after buying some food we headed back to the hostel. we literally drank beers and played card games. i had made friends with a trio of british guys that reminded me of my little brother and cousins. they were soooo funny and cute and we bonded over english miscellaneous things. we listened to the sugababes, the saturdays and two door cinema club. little british baby raïssa was very happy.

[raisaumexique]

19/06/2022

valladolid

on sunday i took the bus to leave merida for valladolid. annabelle actually stayed back to spend the day with andres. so i was alone in valladolid. upon my arrival in the hostel i was immediately hit by the fact that i could visibly tell that the median age here was younger than any hostel i had been here. everyone was fucking 19 it looked like. i unpacked, got in my bathing suit and headed to the pool. in the pool i met two british girls whose names i don’t really remember sorry. they were 19 and on a gap year before starting uni. babiessss. they were planning their summer eurotrip. we talked about traveling and eventually about boys lol. we were all in the situation where we had med boys who sung of our praises while we weren’t attached to them and after parting they started building small houses in our heads. i had eden on my mind but lautaro was an itching that i couldn’t make go away because i was fucking ovulating jesus. i was already over him but i was lacking physical affection. after speaking to the girls i got a shower and decided to explore the hostel more. i went onto the rooftop where the kitchen was and was greeted by a very pretty man. he looked exactly like the type of guy i bully in france so yes i was attracted. his name was onno from germany. we greeted each other and he offered me a joint. thanks @ the moon. we smoked and drank beer and he asked me where i was headed off to after valladolid. i told him i didn’t know that i didn’t have much time left but i wanted to the pacific coast. mind you we had known each other for 20 minutes and he told me « let’s go somewhere together ». enjoying his forwardness i said yes let’s do it. we started planning on either going to bacalar or san cristobal. we looked at buses and hostels and projected imaginary scenarios of our little trip. then he asked me what kind of music i listened to as we were going to be stuck on a bus together for 20 hours. i told him and he was didn’t know any of the artists i listened to (not to je dramatic but that’s a red flag for me). he said we could go on the other rooftop to share music and continue smoking. now we did indeed share music but we also shared something else and well… i really like german guys :-). very nice work love what they do happy to contribute to their art. after that really nice time i was like well it was lovely to meet you i’m going to bed now. he was surprised and asked if i wanted to go to his bed and i was like : no 🤲🏾. so i headed to my dorm and slept well having satisfied my cravings. hihi. lesson here is that men are easy and i won’t settle for any !

[raisaumexique]

18/06/2022

part 4/4

merida

taking my future wife’s hand i asked if she wanted to come she said yes. on the car ride we talked about rumi and sufism and really i was in the holy heavens this was not happening. i was not comprehending how i was in mexico speaking to this angel. upon arrival we were refused entry to what turned out to be a private club because of full capacity. half of the group went home then it was just me, annabelle, eden, andres (annabelle’s target who apparently was a carbon copy of her ex lol) and sam a british guy who was visiting his best friend who’s mexican. we all looked each other and just decided to get smoke joints while exploring the city to find a place to dance. we walked around for hours just laughing and joking around. it felt very coming-of-age. very last summer before we’re all of to different paths of life. it was our first night together and probably our last because me and annabelle were heading to valladolid, eden was staying in merida, andres and sam to a roadtrip that they invited us on. my inner teen was once again screaming of joy. bless her. me and eden would stay behind at times and whisper poems to each other. it was ungodly how happy i was. we arrived in a park where annabelle and andres walked further on their own so it left me eden and sam. eden had borrowed annabelle’s film camera and kept taking pictures of everyone and the moon. when the couple came back they talked with sam. i was realising that the night was ending so i panicked and kissed eden. well. it was very bizarre. the moment our lips touched the connection broke. it was just cold chapped lips on my own cold chapped lips. i broke this kiss and was very confused. eden looked like she wasn’t surprised and just held my face and said it was okay that the moment was precious and the love was there. i could not understand how i could feel nothing while kissing this girl of my dreams who i was clearly physically and spiritually attracted to. fuck. after our kiss we joined the others. anders said that we should all go to the beach to take shrooms on the following days. i told him i was leaving he said i should stay. something had shifted and i was now feeling as if i was watching an indie coming-of-age movie but not participating. i saw myself from the outside. i saw something that was deeply healing to my inner teen but my essence at its core was ready to go and continue the trip and keep the memory of the night as it was. after an hour or so we said our goodbyes, nos adieux, i kissed eden one last time and felt a glimpse of what could’ve been and we separated. i went back into the hostel feeling well rested and strangely nostalgic of a life i could’ve lived with these people. like another raïssa somewhere had grown up with them and we were suddenly connected through this night. it was beautiful. cheers to healing your inner teen.

[raisaumexique]

18/06/2022

merida

part 3/4

upon arrival we stumbled upon a live concert. the singer was wailing in about her heartbreaks with a strong vivacious voice. we stayed for a bit but i started getting tired while anthony started getting drunk. at that point i was over his presence, not in a bad way more in « you are a man who is not nearly as half interesting as me and my friend and i no longer have anything to say to you ». after the concert a dj set took place. IT WAS AFRO BEAAAATS AND CHICAGO HOUUUUSE. i was so fucking happy !!! nobody was dancing at first which pissed me off but i said fuck it and went to dance alone. at one point another girl came to dance and BOOM instant crush. she was fucking gorgeous. she looked like she had stepped out of girlhood fantasies. she had a vribant energy around her and i was immediately attracted. she felt very familiar. she was tan with a long straight nose and soft lips. she wore an oversized polo and some shorts and her hazel eyes were slighlty glazed over. she always worr a faint smile, a knowing one, that never disappeared. i was already imagining us running through fields of daisies and sunflowers wearing white cotton clothes and no shoes. insane. i was, as always, to shy to approach her but my soul and body were craving for just an small amount of interaction with her. at one point she asked me where i was putting my cigarette buds. i swear to god i nearly threw up my heart. she had the smoothest lowest voice i had ever heard. i was dying inside and being rebirthed through her eyes. mind you i was barely buzzed. i showed her and continued dancing but with even more difficulty now that i knew it was possible to speak to her. i took my courage by the balls and turned to her to ask her name. eden. fucks sake. fucking eden fucking garden of eden yes i am i heaven when you breathe next to me, next question. she was from switzerland, she started traveling with her ex girlfriend but then they parted ways and now she’s traveling alone. my brain : SHE’S SAPPHIC !!!! SHE’S SAPPHIC !!!!! we started speaking and i swear to god i have never felt this way before. i was drinking in her every word, completely enthralled by her way of seeing the world. i saw everything through her, it was magical. we talked about attachment, spirituality and life as a lightbeamer. all i wanted to do is literally squash our souls together so they could be one again. it was dizzying. at one point annabelle came to find me, she had gotten up from her power nap on the table and was on the dancefloor, to tell me she had made some friends who offered to take us on a ride to another bar. after a few days with no social life other than annabelle’s growing pains and boring backpackers who were burn out i was IN.

[raisaumexique]

18/06/2022

part 2/4

once in merida we were all starving and decided to go to the food market. while walking we stumbled upon mérida’s pride march !!!! i was ecstatic !!!! i have never been to pride and here i was doing my first pride in fucking mexico. it was lively and beautiful. we walked a bit with the procession then actually headed back to eat. during our meal i asked anthony where he was staying he said that he stayed in airbnb rented by a mexican woman. i asked if he had a guitar lol so annabelle and me could sing. we went to his and were welcomed by his host. a beautiful mexican women called andrea. she lent us our guitar and let us sit in her living room for a quaint jam session. at one point it started raining really hard and the electricity got cut off. andrea, unbothered, came back to light some candles. her home was amazing. plants hung from everywhere, the grew in the cracks through the wall, the splintered floor boards, it was gorgeous. so with the candle light and the sound of the rain we jammed. it was really nice. annabelle is a singer and she has this beautiful low voice. after our little jam session we headed to a bar that andrea had recommended.

[raisaumexique]

18/06/2022

part 1/4

uxmal

on saturday me and annabelle went to visit the great mayan ruins of uxmal. because of all the different emotions of the previous day, i needed to not be with annabelle while visiting this place. so i put my earphones on, cued my favorite singers and started my tour, of all the ruins i’ve visited since arriving in mexico these were my favorite (chichen itza included). maybe it was the lack of tourists or the fact that most of the structures still stand tall but the energy was kinetic. i felt like i was in a whole other world, completely in trance and communion with everything. this sacred ground where complex rites occured was fully speaking to me and i was answering. i cannot fully describe this experience but i’ll say it was the most authentic one for me, i felt at ease in releasing energies safely into these grounds that were once walked upon by magicians from the stars. it was a surreal, comforting moment, an encouraging one. everything in me was buzzing while i hummed to the different songs in my playlist. i was being revitalised. after two hours of walking these grounds i rejoined annabelle at the exit. we were still a bit cold with each other. we hesitated on getting something to eat but the restaurant on the archeological site was too expensive. during that time a boy called anthony, from north carolina, asked us if we knew at what time the bus was. we decided against getting something to eat and headed out to get to the bus. it never came, lol. instead of starving to death in the sun in the middle of buttfuck nowhere we decided to at least get fresh juice in the restaurant. on our way back we stumbled upon a rather curious woman. her name was genevieve she was 66 and looked exactly how i would picture an old white priveleged woman who used to be a wiccan. all i can say is that she spoke to us for an hour and a half about spirituality and how apparently it was ethical to own land in hawaïï and pay 4000 USD for a week of spiritual « learnings » on stolen land. it was a trip. i actually took great pleasure into seeing this shadow of a woman announce that she was a lightbeam and her chakras were open when truly she is a carcass of human with a karmic debt that she will have to repay with the names of her descendant. how arrogant. absolutely horrendous but intellectually stimulating. after that episode we bonded over white women audacity with anthony who is filipino-american. the bus finally arrived.