#yeah the past several months have been a nightmare and we're only just now getting to grips w reality again

[neondiamond]

🍂 Recently Read Fics - November 2022 🍂

These are all the amazing fics I read over the past month (from shortest to longest). Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to show the authors your appreciation if you read any of these! 🧡

🍂 empty by @larrieblr (900, NR)

I didn’t know where to go. I only thought of you, and then I was here.

🍂 Don’t You Know (That I Am Right Here) by @tommokat (1k, T)

Louis has a new job and Harry just wants to talk.

🍂 Not Nearly Vertical by @letthemusicmoveyou28 (1k, E)

The one where Louis broke his arm which sucks, but Harry's there to make it better.

🍂 hey, babe by @greeneyesfriedrice (1k, E)

when we're finished saying nothing, could we please get back to loving?

🍂 You Can Plan On Me by @tommokat (2k, G)

Harry and Louis are hosting Christmas this year and they couldn’t be more excited. The lights are twinkling, the cookies are ready to frost; what could go wrong?

🍂 You All the Time by @londonfoginacup (2k, T)

At age sixteen, Harry knows that his parents have found him a husband to marry.

🍂 A Piece of Home by @almightyprincess (3k, G)

Louis spends the Day with his mother-in-law and maybe that's just the piece of home he needed.

🍂 Cookbooks and Toothpicks and One Lizard by @londonfoginacup (3k, G)

If there is one thing that Harry hates about Halloween, it’s what a spectacle everyone suddenly makes around him.

Sure, he loves his friends, but he really wishes that this one, singular day of the year they could all just be chill. It’s as if for 364 days they forget what his profession is entirely, and then all remember at the same moment on the morning of October 31st. Oh yeah! I have a friend who is a witch! I should reconnect with him on this particular day, I’m sure he’s not already got plans of any kind!

Well not this year. This year he's going to the library.

🍂 Chicago by @hellolovers13 (3k, G)

They hadn't seen each other in four years, why was Louis still writing songs about Harry?

🍂 lazy days and pancakes for two by @cyantific (4k, T)

They haven't seen each other in eighteen days. What better way to spend a much-needed tour break than having a lazy day watching shit TV and having breakfast in bed with your husband.

Domestic fluff, so much fluff... They love each other, y'all... so, so much!

🍂 i am easy to find by @larrieblr (4k, M)

Where two people try to follow their dreams but time isn't on their side.

🍂 With This Wing, I Thee Wed by @ladyaj-13 (4k, T)

“Nando’s?”

Niall crosses his arms and pouts, a little line appearing between his eyebrows. “I want Nandos. I like Nandos.”

“And I like my dignity,” Louis mutters.

🍂 Love In Conversation by @hellolovers13 (4k, T)

Louis has a severe baking breakdown.

Thankfully, he gets help from baking-hotline operator Harry.

🍂 purr and shout by anditsonlyforthebrave (5k, NR)

The sound that escapes Harry's mouth couldn't possibly be a purr. He's an alpha, alphas don't purr. Or do they?

🍂 come my love be one with the sea by @larrydoinglaundry (6k, M)

Pirate captain Louis gets saved from the storm by mermaid Harry, and grows particularly fond of this mysterious creature.

🍂 Not Sure How To Say This Right by @wabadabadaba (7k, M)

Louis had resigned herself to be Florence's best friend and watch from the sidelines as Florence gave her all to someone who didn't appreciate her. That was until she came home to Florence in her kitchen with a new hair cut, brownies and newly single.

🍂 Liquid Gold by @wabadabadaba (9k, E)

Louis has a biting kink and the only person he thinks can fulfill it is his vampire friend, Harry.

🍂 Somebody Get Me Through This Nightmare by @lululawrence (11k, NR)

“I am not subjecting you to my poor dog in his moment of vulnerability!” Louis cried. “That would be cruel to you, but also to Clifford.” Louis got up and started pacing again like he had been before. “He is so cuddly and honestly is also quite spoiled, and now he probably thinks I’ve abandoned him over this. And I essentially have! I’m serious, Harry, I close my eyes and the visuals of his bald head haunt me. God, how am I going to sleep tonight? I can’t even bring myself to walk back into the house.”

“You are always welcome to sleep on my couch if you need,” Harry offered immediately. “I still don’t think it’s quite as bad as you seem to believe it is, but I’d much rather you be next door than fifteen or twenty minutes away at someone else’s house.”

Louis was flooded with relief. “God, if you really don’t mind, I would really appreciate that.”

🍂 anything you want until the morning by honey_beeing (12k, M)

A Late Night Talking AU where Harry and Louis find each other on the way to work every night and then learn to not let go of each other ever again.

🍂 snapshots of moments by @onlythebravest (13k, M)

Harry and Louis have been together for as long as they’ve been in the spotlight. Over the years, they’ve made a lot of memories - happy and sad, sexy and unsexy, good and bad - memories of all kinds. This is just a few of them.

🍂 Every Snowflake Is Different (Just Like You) by @hellolovers13 (20k, E)

Turns out, getting snowed in with your not quite One-Night Stand wasn’t actually that bad.

But the snow wouldn’t last forever.

Was there a chance for love even after the snow had melted?

🍂 Home for Christmas by @haloeverlasting (22k, G)

The Shameless Hallmark Movie AU you probably didn't ask for.

Or, the one where Harry didn't think he wanted a family, but with a little Christmas magic (and maybe one Louis Tomlinson) he realizes that he is very, very wrong.

🍂 enough to make a girl blush by @disgruntledkittenface (22k, E)

When Louis moves from her small hometown to the city, she runs into her childhood friend Niall. Despite her surprise at learning that Niall presented as an alpha, she’s immediately drawn to her. As their relationship progresses and Louis settles into life in the city, she learns that love, sex and identity aren’t always as simple as she’d been taught growing up.

And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

#28th appreciation #fic rec #monthly recs #mostly shorter fics this month because november has been a rollercoaster of a month #trackinghappily #trackinghome #tracksintheam #hlcreators

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e12 prophet and loss (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

feel like i'm just grinding through s14 at a decent pace. several times now they've made me had minor (to moderate) breakdowns and i just want to keep plowing through because i don't want the breakdowns to last more than one day 🫠 been a long time since a season made me cry so much. and especially with mid-season episodes? but it feels more.... hm. calculated. like when i bitched about 4 months suddenly equals 40 years in hell etc.

ranted about it in 9x09 because i don't think i was making my feelings known here for every episode back in s4

instead i just sighed because “trust me, kevin” and “i always end up screwed :)” so now dean’s gonna feel guilty. he’s already feeling guilty enough, did we need that too? when they push too hard on the excessive dean whump, i get annoyed. like the whole 4 months=40 years, i enjoyed torturing people, etc. edgelord bullshit :P

except instead of getting mad about it being edgelord bullshit now, i'm just feeling brokenhearted and manipulated. very not fun times. it's too much too close together to the jack thing and too similar to things they've done in the past, i think. is why it's pushing me away so hard.

dean's nightmare in the box / suicidal deathbed-esque convo also with interstellar-ish music / interstellar cornfield chase (c. hans zimmer) played by anna lapwood on the organ

well. dean's nightmare was awful. shades of him in hell calling out for sam. cannot fucking wait until this particular plotline gets snuffed out. and because i can't deal with not comparing this interstellar-ish music (it's in both spn scenes) i tacked it on to the end of this video too.

SAM Oh, hey. Didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry. DEAN No, it’s just a… bad dream. It’s fine. SAM You want to talk about it? DEAN No, I’m – No, I’m okay. DEAN What’re you doing? Why don’t you get some sleep? SAM You know, Dean, you don’t have to act like what you’re planning to do is just business as usual. I-I know you’re scared. DEAN Never said I wasn’t scared. But it doesn’t matter. SAM Doesn’t matter? We know we could die, uh, doing what we do. It’s always a possibility. But what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could literally keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever. DEAN Okay. I get it. But what’s the other option, huh? Michael gets outta my head and ends the world? ‘Cause it’s all right there in Billie’s book. SAM Yeah, but that’s only if we don’t find another way to take Michael off the board, and there has to be another way. DEAN And what is that other way? [SAM says nothing.] DEAN Exactly.

(but at least he wasn't sleeping in his jeans this time. oh and they're in an actual normal mid-price generic hotel room)

this reminds me a lot of the conversations in s5 about sammy going in the cage.

and like when i was watching the old guard, i'm like ah yes, stuck in a coffin in the ocean drowning over and over because you're immortal - i have heard this story before! on the vampire diaries! someone... stefan?? was stuck in a ...... safe? and pushed into a lake to repeatedly die and revive. 500 years and 3 months, respectively.

well this rando dude torturing and drowning a woman scene, also awful. jesus. we're committing to darker-than-usual i guess

CAS Sam. Maybe if I spoke with Dean… SAM It wouldn’t matter. Believe me, I-I I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t listen to me. H-He just – No. If we don’t find some way… Dean’s gone.

that interstellar-ish music again...

DEAN You ever think about when we were kids? SAM Maybe. Yeah, sure. Sometimes. W-Why? DEAN I know I wasn’t always the greatest brother to you. SAM Dean, you were the one who was always there for me. The only one. I mean, you practically raised me. DEAN I know things got dicey… you know, with dad… the way he was. And I just… I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should’ve. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was… when I was away, you know it wasn’t ‘cause I just ran out, right? Dad would… he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that. SAM Man, I left that behind a long time ago. I had to. And if we’re gonna get through this, I-I have to do like you said and… try and keep my mind off of where we’re going. So, if we could not have conversations that sound like… deathbed apologies, I would really appreciate it. DEAN Right. Yeah.

listen i know this gets resolved somehow and i'm not gonna bail on this fucking project with a little more than a season left but i can't express how much i don't want to watch something that's making me cry so hard my head is killing me (more than it was already) on a regular basis. this is too many things that cut too close to home with characters i'm too attached to. sigh.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 14x12 #brad buckner #eugenie ross-leming #spn clip #spn musical score #spn interstellarish music #christopher lennertz #tim wynn

[hlvrfreakyfriday]

HLVRFF: Chapter 4

Yeah, Benry was very obviously posing at himself in the mirror just now. But luckily for the alien, Gordon's too preoccupied with other thoughts at the moment to question him about it.

Thoughts that he REALLY shouldn't be having. Especially not about BENRY of all people. Can you even call whatever the hell he is a person? You can call whatever the hell he is surprisingly cute NO. NO. THOSE ARE EXACTLY THE THOUGHTS HE NEEDS TO NOT BE HAVING.

Damn Gordon's lonely, bisexual heart.

Just- fucking- why Benry? Why this fucked up alien monster from beyond the veil who tried to kill him once? Who succeeded in killing several other defenseless people? Who got his hand chopped off by the military? Who still occasionally plagues his nightmares? Why would he EVER have feelings for someone like that?

If you hate him so much, then why have you let him live with you for the past four months, Gordon's brain supplies.

He's… not really sure why. Resignation to the fact that he's never, ever getting rid of the guy, and thus might as well get used to it, perhaps? Then there's Tommy, who Gordon pretty much owes his life to. Tommy never seemed to want to give up on the idea that Benry wasn't evil. Hell, even during the final battle on Xen, Tommy was still insisting that they not fight Benry, just try to understand him. When Benry inevitably popped back into their lives, It was Tommy who convinced Gordon to give the guy a second chance and let him move in with him. Gordon had questioned why he couldn't just stay with Tommy in that mansion the older man lives in, but Tommy's excuse was that his equally eldritch dad was territorial or something.

That, and that Benry had apparently wanted to live with Gordon more than with Tommy, despite him and Tommy being apparent best friends.

Gordon was sure that it was just so he could continue to make his life a living hell… but he really hasn't been, has he? Sure, they'll still have their arguments, but they're less straight-up fights and more just. Banter. Benry's gotten plenty of laughs out of the physicist, too, since moving in. He'll act weird when out in public pretty often, but it's always in just completely harmless ways. He's even proven to be surprisingly good with Joshie, the eldritch entity and six-year-old boy having long conversations about video games, cowboys, dinosaurs, et cetera. It's…

God. It's fucking cute is what it is.

Uhg.

IT'S FINE, THOUGH. It's fine. He can find someone cute without it meaning he has feelings for them. Totally. Yeah.

Just keep telling yourself that, Gordon.

So lost in these thoughts, Gordon didn't even notice he'd made it into Benry's bedroom and had the closet door open. Right, right. Get dressed, go to store. He kiiiiind of really doesn't want to go out in public like this, but they really do need that stim chew and shampoo. So Gordon starts to dig through Benry's messy closet for something clean to wear.

Half of Benry's shirts are a bunch of stupid gamer memes and PlayStation logos, while the other half are all skeleton-themed. Gordon obviously goes for one of the skeleton shirts. He also throws on some black jeans, and the only pair of shoes Benry owns; his old combat boots. Gordon's offered to help him buy some new shoes, but Benry refuses every time. Whatever. At least the boots were high-quality and thus not in danger of wearing out any time soon.

Now fully dressed, Gordon heads back into his bedroom to grab his phone and wallet. He finds Benry's gotten dressed finally, too, having picked out a Metallica shirt, featuring the art for Ride the Lightning. Good album. Benry likely picked that because of the blue, Gordon guesses. Guy's wild about that colour. When he found out there was a special edition PS4 that came in blue, Benry'd acted like he'd found the Holy Grail.

"You ready to go, man?" Gordon asks as he grabs his phone and wallet from the dresser. "We're gonna have to take the bus, since you don't have a license and so I can't drive while looking like you."

Benry gives him a little shrug. "'s cool. long as your weak human legs don't collapse on the walk to the bus stop. seriously, why are your legs so shitty, bro?"

Gordon scowls at him a little. "Sorry we can't all be immaculate, god-like beings like you."

"ha ha, yeah, sucks. your senses are all like, turned way down and shit. thought you were going deaf at first. and blind. and completely numb. and losing your sense of smell. and-"

"I get it! I get it! Human beings suck compared to you! Can we just go now?"

Benry laughs, but doesn't talk any further, opting instead to follow Gordon out of the room. Though, when they reach the living room, he suddenly stops.

"oh, yo, wait a sec," he says, and then dashes off to his room. He bumps his borrowed shoulder into the door frame, causing Gordon to yell out a 'stop trying to clip through shit!' to him. Gordon hears Benry rummaging around for something in his room, he probably forgot where he put his own phone or something.

It doesn't take long before Benry's returned to the living room. "aight. ready freddy."

Gordon gives an amused little huff, and they head out the door.

The moment they step outside, Gordon's new heightened senses are completely assaulted anew. He'd gotten pretty used to everything in the house, but the great outdoors was a whole 'nother ballgame. There are just SO many sights and smells and sounds and feelings and it's like they're all at max volume and thensome and Gordon can already feel the inside of his head and chest start to outright writhe in a very worrying way and-

"hey," Benry speaks up, resting a hand on Gordon's borrowed shoulder.

Gordon turns to him, and notices he's offering him something. A fidget toy shaped like a game pad. Oh yeah, that's right, Benry never liked to leave the house without it. Then why is he..?

"bro, just take the toy. trust me on this, man. it'll help," Benry says, shoving the fidget pad in Gordon's chest.

"Err, okay," Gordon says dumbly as he finally takes the offered toy. He's never actually used a specially made fidget before, always opting to just play with his own hair. But this… does feel pretty nice in his hand. Has a nice little weight to it. Gordon experimentally runs some fingers over the various buttons and wheels, testing them all out. He finds himself drawn to the back-and-forth switch, the circular smooth indention reminding him of a worry stone, and the click of the switch as he moves it is highly satisfying to his borrowed ears. He just stands there, playing with it for a good minute, as Benry watches with a satisfied look on his face.

Whatever writhing feelings that were stirring within Gordon are completely gone now, and he looks back up at Benry. "Uh… thanks," Gordon says, a bit awkwardly.

"no prob, bro," Benry replies with a grin, looking oh-so proud of himself. "i know all my bod's cheat codes and pro strats- don't gotta worry about it. you'll be uh, S ranking this shit in no time."

Gordon lets out an amused exhale at Benry's terminology and pats him on the arm with his free hand, before they finally start making their way for the bus stop. Gordon makes sure to keep his focus just on where he's going, which is much, much easier thanks to the fidget toy in his hands keeping him grounded.

The bus ride from their neighborhood and into town is pretty uneventful, which Gordon thanks his lucky stars for. As they approach the store and head inside, he hopes that this trend continues. But who is he kidding. Knowing Gordon's luck, it probably won't.

At one point on their way to the store, Benry had mentioned that he wanted to check out the different smells of the various kinds of scented shampoo, now that he actually has a nose that can handle them. And thus, they are now hanging out in the hair care isle, Gordon having already found some good scentless shampoo, and Benry delightedly taking in all the different fruity and flowery smells of the soaps. Gordon's once again hit with the 'oh god that's adorable' feeling as he watches Benry, but manages to swallow the starfruit lights back down this time. God forbid Benry see that shit and make a comment about it. He decides to turn away from Benry for the time being- and comes face to face with a familiar stout old man in a brightly coloured Hawaiian shirt, a lime green glow in his eyes and equally green glowing patterns on his skin, in designs that seem more reminiscent of circuit boards than Blaschko's Lines.

"Ah, hello, Benry! Or should I say, hello, Gordon?" Dr. Coomer greets in his usual cheerful tone.

Gordon blinks at him in confusion. "Dr. Coomer? How- how did you..?"

Coomer taps at his face near his eyes. "I have special eyes, Gordon! As does Benry, as you've no doubt noticed. And orange is definitely not Benry's colour."

Ah, yeah, that's right. Some of Coomer's cybernetic enhancements had apparently given the man a few eldritch abilities. Gordon already knew that Coomer could use Sweet Voice and peer into the cosmic void, so hearing that he's got vision like Benry's isn't too surprising.

"Hey, yeah, I keep meaning to ask Benry about that- what's the deal with the eye thing? And the glowing body patterns, too," Gordon asks.

"It would seem that many beings from the cosmic void have the ability to detect and see the 'Life Energy' of most living things. Everyone's energy signature is uniquely colour-coded; yours is orange for example, mine is lime as you can see, Tommy's is yellow, and my dear Bubby's is a lovely shade of cyan."

"And Benry's is apparently the entire rainbow," Gordon adds.

"He's very full of 'Life Energy', Gordon! With a direct connection to the infinite cosmos itself fueling him, it's why he never stays dead!"

Well, there's those questions answered, Gordon guesses. Both the glowing thing, and Benry's weird 'respawn' power. And speaking of Benry, it seems he's finished huffing hair care products, as he strolls up to join Gordon and Coomer.

As does Bubby, who just now appeared from another nearby isle. Gordon notices the patterns on the lankier older scientist's body are a lot different from all the others he's seen; probably having to do with him pretty much being a homunculus and not a normal human. The bright cyan patterns on Bubby look more like hotrod flames than anything else, and Gordon can't help but be a little amused by that.

Bubby notices the younger pair as he comes up beside Coomer. He gives Benry, in Gordon's body, a very judgmental-looking once over, and before anybody else can say anything, he says, "Gordon, why the fuck are you wearing one of Benry's hats? You look stupid as hell in it. Are you two finally dating or something?"

Bubby's words have Benry looking like his brain just short-circuited, while Gordon starts sputtering, trying to say something, but his tongue keeps tripping over itself. What does he mean 'finally'? The fuck does he know that Gordon doesn't!?

Finally, Gordon manages to spit out, "W-we're not- we're not fucking dating!"

Bubby raises an eyebrow at that reaction. "You're acting like Gordon," he says to who he still thinks is Benry, before turning to Coomer. "Why is he acting like Gordon?"

"Astute observation, dear! It would seem our good friends Gordon and Benry are having a bit of a 'Freaky Friday' situation, and are currently in each other's bodies!"

"Oh. Well, that's fucked up," Bubby says flatly.

"You don't even know the half of it, man," Gordon groans.

"yeah, seriously," Benry speaks up. "being human is like, SO sucks, bro. how do you even fuckin' deal with this shit?"

"I don't!" says Coomer. "I'm more machine than man at this point. Been this way for a quite a while!"

"And I'm the ultimate life-form, grown in a tube, so I've never really had to deal with being human," Bubby adds. "Sucks to be you."

Benry huffs at Bubby's ending comment, and Gordon grumbles at the implication that he's inferior to everyone else here when in his normal state of being.

I mean, yeah, sure, that's kind of true. But hey! He LIKES being human regardless! At least when he's human he doesn't have to worry about his body literally turning itself inside-out just because he got a little overstimulated! He should be asking how Benry deals with THAT shit!

Or, well, how he dealt with it before he discovered fidget toys. Gordon still can't believe that simply fiddling with a chunk of plastic covered in buttons is all it takes to keep him from turning into something out of H.P. Lovecraft's nightmares, and yet, here he is, flicking a little switch back and forth and feeling totally fine and focused because of it.

...Well okay, maybe not entirely focused. Gordon's only now noticing that the others were still conversing about something while he was entirely checked out, apparently. And they're all looking right at him now.

"…What?"

------------------------

"Sucks to be you," Bubby smirks, and Benry huffs at him.

"it's not funny, man. for real. i'm all, like, weak and shit. i feel like- like i'm gonna drop dead at any minute. everything's all dull like somebody put a fuckin', uh, glass box around me. muffles everything. can't see good, can't hear good, can't smell good. buncha other stuff i can't even feel at all anymore. only thing i DO feel more than before is pain. it's major fucked up, yo."

It really, really is. Benry had no idea this was how Gordon, and presumably most other humans, experience the world every day. He feels so... fragile. It's finally giving Benry a good idea about why Gordon always fusses at him to be more careful even when Benry's not in any kind of real danger.

Because it's dangerous for Gordon.

...Shit, that's another reason he was always so scared in Black Mesa, too, isn't it. Not just 'cause he can perma-die, but because it's stupidly easy for him to perma-die.

Benry looks back towards the human in his borrowed body, and the two older scientists follow his gaze. It takes a minute for Gordon to notice, and when he does, it becomes very apparent that he wasn't listening to a single word that was just said.

"…What?" Gordon asks.

"Oh my god," Bubby blurts out, amusement clear in his voice, "you just completely spaced out like Benry usually does!"

Holy shit he sure did, didn't he? Guess the spacing out thing is tied more to how Benry's physical brain is wired, rather than his consciousness. Come to think, he hasn't been spacing out much himself since ending up in Gordon's body. Huh, go fig.

"Ffff," Gordon practically hisses, "oh, fuck off, man." He looks away from Bubby, clearly embarrassed. Bubby chuckles, but shuts right up when Coomer elbows him in the gut.

The shorter older scientist then speaks up, "Well, gentlemen! It's been lovely seeing how completely batshit your worlds have gotten, but Bubby and I need to return to our shopping."

Gordon sighs, and nods. "Yeah, yeah, same. It was good seeing you, Dr. Coomer. It wasn't good seeing you, Bubby." Bubby just flips Gordon off in response to that.

The younger pair leave the old couple to their shopping, and get back to finishing up their own. Benry manages to find a silicone stim chew shaped like a blue raccoon that he informs Gordon 'speaks to him on a deeply personal level'. He is this raccoon, this raccoon is him, and he is going to gnaw the FUCK out of it once it's officially purchased.

And GOD is it satisfying when he finally is able to start biting it. Tommy once got him another silicone stim chew shaped like a t-rex, having underestimated how adept Benry's sharp teeth are at tearing through… most things, pretty much. What can he say, he's an extreme omnivore by nature. Gotta be able to bite a lot of things if you wanna be able to eat a lot of things. Gordon's teeth, however, are all flat and lame and barely leave any dents in the silicone as he gnaws on it.

The trip back home is about as boring as the trip to the store was, though the bus ride feels like it drags on longer than the last time. As Benry sits there and chews the raccoon, his mind can't help but wander back to thinking about how Gordon acted in Black Mesa, during the Resonance Cascade. About how all his actions and emotions, which Benry thought were exaggerated and overreaction at the time, were completely valid. About how he wasn't just acting scared, he WAS scared. Scared to death. Of death.

Benry had found out about humans' inability to regenerate body parts while they were still in Black Mesa, just before Gordon got the gun-arm. Tommy told him, and Benry was going to apologize to Gordon for all the teasing he did due to not thinking it was so serious. But then Gordon kept shooting at him. A lot. It may not have been enough to kill Benry, but it still really hurt. And so instead of apologizing, he just acted like a petulant child, getting mad and angry right back at Gordon.

When they got to Xen, Benry saw it as an opportunity to really fuck with Gordon. He did try to make nice with the human at first, but then Gordon just kept making accusations that Benry was the cause of all their problems, yelling at him, insisting that they were never friends. 'if you want me to be the big bad, then i'll be the big bad,' Benry had thought. He stalked them all throughout Xen, toying with them, putting the fear in them. Benry even went so far as to kill the actual threat the lab coats back at 'Mesa had sent the Science Team to deal with. Killed it, stole its lair, took its place as the 'final boss.' Of course, Benry didn't really want to kill them. He was just messing with them all. Fuckin' around, you know. They were still his friends, in the end, even if some of them (Gordon) didn't think so.

It wasn't until after Black Mesa, after Benry had been brought back out of the void Tommy's dad had locked him in, that Benry learned about just how fragile and easy to kill humans are.

Though they were half-hearted, if any of Benry's attacks during the fight had landed, his human friends would've been very much dead and gone.

The thought turns his borrowed stomach, and if he could still use Sweet Voice while in Gordon's body, he just knows the air would be getting filled with guilty and loathsome sanguine and shadow.

…It's no wonder Gordon still has nightmares about Benry.

Benry, so lost in thought, doesn't notice when Gordon looks over at him for the briefest of moments, a look of slight curiosity and mostly concern on his borrowed face. He doesn't say anything, and just looks back away elsewhere, remaining silent for the rest of the trip home.

#half life vr but it's freaky friday #fic repost

[laptoparmageddon]

Are you actually sick? I know you've slowed down updates or whatever but what's happening?

Yeah I'm still sick and stuff. People have been wondering about the Deltarune blog updates but I can't keep up as much as I use to.

I haven't gotten into much detail since like- last year?? Because I felt that the constant "yep I'm still sick!" Updates were getting a biiit annoying but yeah I'm still not better. In fact, I've gotten worse!

My physical condition has gotten so bad to the point I'll be in random bouts of pain I call "the agony". Due to this, I can't leave my house as often anymore as the pain is too severe and I never know when it'll happen. That pluss migraines and other pains that I can't figure put either have made just being awake a NIGHTMARE. Not to mention the whole being able to spit blood thing... and my worsening memory. I just call it old man disease at this point.

And don't get me STARTED on the actual nightmares. I usually type down my dreams for potential inspiration but these are so bad that od prefer to forget them... it's probably a sign of poor mental health, that of which has gotten worse due to life situations, not just counting the physical health stuff. I'm not going to go into detail about ot. You guys don't need to know everything.. in one of my previous comic posts, I mentioned that I had recently gotten diagnosed with PTSD. It makes sense considering everything that's happened.. that's how bad things are now...

I'm thankfully seeing a new therapist now (my old one left and also wasn't very helpful regarding the spending habits..) so we're working on dealing with the mountain of problems that apparently were never properly treated over the years. Wow! It might take years to make any progress considering irl situations right now. I should be getting some medicine soon. It'll be difficult to remember taking it due to my shit memory but I gotta try. O also gotta work on the gacha stuff.. apparently my poor self restraint is one of the many unfortunate mental health symptoms. One day I will defeat gacha gaming. (Or at least get in the habit of not to spending so much...)

I haven't seen a medical doctor yet, unfortunately. I've tried making appointments but they never answer my calls... ots been who knows how long since I've seen one .I most certainly can't remember. I'm hoping to see one soon as I'd like to at least know what's happening to me but I don't know if oll ever be able to.. with work and thr pain and the life situations ot might be a few more months. Hey! Maybe I'll be dead by then? Who knows, i definitely don't! I don't want to go to the ER or urgent care as waiting times in my area are too long for me to handle. And again the memory and reading compression. In my condition, I'd need someone to be with me in case something goes wrong (it has in the past). My primary doctor is the only doctor aware of my situation and would be prepared if I suddenly forgot why I was there or something. (Yes it's gotten that bad at points) but making an appointment myself has proven to be very troubling...

So yeah. I haven't been doing very good in any way shape or form. I'm sorry to have worried yall about it and I doubt going into detail has helped but I feel it best that you know how much I'm currently up against and why updates are slower than usual. I'll get to stuff eventually, you'll just have to wait.

[sharkface-daydreams]

Ask meme word for you is “best”!

ooh this should be interesting ty 💜 turns out I've used it quite a bit especially in the Yurch au stuff :3 (i have a lot of wip documents sorry haha)

Terrence took the bottle and turned it around and over in the sun, watching the glitter swirl around in the acid pink liquid. "Yeah, that's definitely Cronut's work," he muttered. He glanced up at Felix. "Why do you want me to have legs?"

"It's not about me," Felix said airily. Terrence gave him a dirty look. That was a patent lie. "I thought it might be fun if you got to wander around up here on land for a little bit. Shake things up a little."

"Uh-huh."

"I could even show you how to get at the best plums in the orchard."

Terrence smirked. "You just wanted an accomplice."

-

Felix takes a brief bow. "The one and only, motherfuckers. Now," he continues, flipping a lockpicking kit casually out of one of his pouches, "Once you leave you'll notice this base is entirely populated by corpses. No need to thank us, and no need to waste time getting the fuck out. And, if there is any mercy in this cold, unforgiving universe, we'll never see each other ever again, so." He swings the door open. "Make like a tree, cocksuckers."

They hesitate, glancing at each other. "I know I didn't stutter. Get out. Your yellow moron is right here." Felix grabs Grif by the shoulder and shoves him into the room.

"Grif!" Simmons yells.

"I'm orange!" Grif protests.

"Shut up, you're goldenrod at best. We're not having this argument again because I'm right," Felix hisses, feeling his grip on his temper quickly loosen.

-

"Fragment?" Sharkface's curious gaze swung his way and Aiden did his best to keep his face neutral. "It's busted?"

-

“Oh, you don’t talk much, huh? I like that, that’s kinda cool. It’s mysterious. You’re like a magician. You’re like… David Blaine with tits.”

Leland turned to look at him over his shoulder. "Um. You do realize I'm "Yellow Church", right, and not the girl?"

"Oh, I know." Yes, Tucker was very keenly aware he'd just panicked and hit on his best friend's new ghost clone haunting a pretty good-looking robot body.

"Ok. Great."

Tucker shuffled his feet awkwardly. He fucked up. Lee's gonna hate him same as Church and—

Suddenly Leland sighed and said, "Actually Cinnabon sounds really fuckin' good right now."

"Oh, y-yeah?"

Leland gave a distracted hum. "Yeah, but…" He glanced up at the sky. "Where the fuck even is the nearest mall from here?"

-

He often has horrible nightmares when sleeping alone, and Caboose wakes up right away to wake him since he's kinda noisy - thrashing, crying, screaming. The rest of the squad prefers that they sleep snuggled up together. Sometimes when the others' sleep gets bad, Caboose goes around and collects everyone into a cuddle pile and they sleep that way. They weren't very happy about it at first, especially Emerson who has a superiority complex, but it's the best sleep they've ever gotten in their lives. Shin and Joennes use the excuse to cuddle with each other.

-

Despite his best efforts, Wash figures him out quickly. He's really not as stealthy as he used to be, despite trying to get extra training in when everyone else was sleeping. "Private Argus," Wash calls cheerfully, "if you would be polite and join us instead of eavesdropping."

"Damnit." He should have known better than to think he could trail Wash properly while also being out of practice. Wash had actually gotten onto the leaderboard, and he'd spent the past 14 months as Private Duncan Argus, a dangerously clumsy recruit whose only real asset was his speed.

"Argus?" Church says, high-pitched with disbelief. "What the fuck is he doing here?"

"He's been following us, probably on Command's orders."

"Howdy, folks," Argus says pleasantly, walking up to them nonchalantly, as if he hasn't just been discovered tailing them for the past several hours. "Sir," he amends, nodding at Washington.

-

He frowned briefly when he realized Church wasn't listening, too busy trying to get Caboose to put him back down from where he was lifting Church up in a huge bear hug and talking about how much fun they're gonna have in their new best friend adventure with their new friends and they're just regular friends because no one else will ever be his best friend and somewhere along that happy rant, Church feels his emotions go into overdrive and tears leak out of his remarkably anatomically correct tear ducts.

-

Maine huffs lightly, raises his eyebrows, and turns to walk away. That was probably the best it was going to get, and it wasn't Sigma's place to pry further. Well he didn't rip your chip out of our head and crush it so that's something, Alpha thinks to him. Sigma gives him a baleful stare and sinks back into himself for contemplation. Alpha can still feel him there as well as he can feel their limbs, but leaves him be. Being partially integrated is weird.

#woops this was in my drafts bc i wanted to make sure the readmore worked lol #we just got a letter #my writing stuff #ask games #inbox games #OOF OUCH THE READMORE DIDN'T WORK #embarrassment be upon me

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter eleven

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 3560

This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.

Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: none

Note: Honestly, this chapter reads a little weird to me but my friend who helps me edit said it was fine. IDK going from the 40s to 2012 is weird when trying to write.

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Masterlist

Seven months had gone by since Steve and I had been unfrozen. This new world I suddenly woke up in was exhausting. Everything had changed from the simplest thing like manners to complicated things like technology.

Days after waking up, we had been sent to a place called “The Retreat” so we could catch up on the seventy years we had missed out on. There was so much that we took to writing everything down in small notebooks, so we could remember.

I caught onto using the new technology quicker than Steve since I had worked with Howard Stark for several years. Being able to adapt to strange and new tech on the fly was a requirement when working with him.

After those few weeks there, we were both moved into two separate government apartments located in New York. I wish I could say that it got easier with time, but it didn’t. Instead of going to hang out with Steve or actually trying to make acquaintances with anyone, I just stayed in my room, locked away from everything. Coping with being in the future was the easy part, learning to live without everyone I ever knew was hard.

I hadn't known peaceful sleep in a long time. Every time I closed my eyes I am met with nightmares. The softness of the mattress had made it feel like I would fall through at any moment, back into the ice. To try and combat this I pushed my bed into the far corner of the room and made a cot directly under the frame. It felt safer to lay on the hard floor in the dark. The nightmares still came through, sometimes they were battles, sometimes they were of the plane crashing, but most of the time they were about losing Bucky. Every time I woke up in a cold sweat and never went back to bed. I just stared unblinking at the metal that made the bed frame.

One night after a particularly taxing dream I decided to take a walk. It was three in the morning, so I wouldn't have to deal with a lot of people. I changed out of my pajamas into some of the clothes I had been provided. The clothes of the future were tighter than in the forties. It had taken me a while to get used to the feeling of fabric clinging to my legs and upper body. The outside world was quiet except for the occasional car passing by. I kept my eyes to the ground, not really caring where I ended up. I only looked up when I was almost run over by another late-night walker. Peering from left to right, my eyes fixed on an old faded sign hanging above me. The letters were just barely readable and said in large letters ‘Boxing gym’. With another survey of the area, I realized where I was. This was the gym that Bucky used to take Steve when teaching him self-defense. I had tagged along a couple of times before I had joined the SSR, I was surprised it was still here. I smiled weakly and turned to the door. The light inside was on, it couldn’t hurt to see if they were open. The door creaked open and I slipped in quietly. The sound of someone working out came down the long brick hallway. Hesitantly I made my way to the open doors that led to the sparring room.

Stopping just past the threshold, to my surprise, I spotted Steve, who was busy punching the life out of a punching bag. I walked through the small office and around the boxing rings before I stopped again and leaned against one of the columns a few feet away from where Steve stood. I watched him for a while before he landed a hard punch on the bag and it flew off into the distance. I started clapping slowly and he turned around in shock.

“Good job, you broke the bag, but you do know you’re gonna have to pay for that right?”

“Hey kid, I haven’t seen you in a while. I came by your apartment but you didn’t answer.”

“I know Stevie, I just haven't felt up to company since we got back to New York. I hope you can forgive me.” He looked at me with sad eyes and took three long steps in my direction. His arms came out to engulf me in a hug.

“It’s okay, I understand. Promise you’ll tell me if something's wrong, okay?” I nodded into his chest and he squeezed me tighter.

“I couldn't sleep, I guess you couldn't either.”

“No, too many thoughts.” He let go of me and went to get two more punching bags. He hung them up a few feet away from one another before turning to me and asking if I wanted to join. Pretty soon we were both laughing together if it felt almost like we were back home before everything happened. That was until the same dark-skinned man from that day seven months ago showed up. I later learned he was Nick Fury, director of SHIELD.

“I’m glad to find you both here.” He stated.

“Are you here with a mission, Sir?” Steve asked.

“I am.”

“Is this to try and get us back out in the world?” I asked.

“No, I'm trying to save it.” he thrust out an open manila folder. I grabbed it slowly and brought it to where Steve and I could both look at it. The blue cube that had evaporated Johann Schmidt was in the photograph pinned to the first page. In large bold letters beside the pictures spelled out TESSERACT. We slowly walked to a nearby bench and sat down.

“That's HYDRA’s secret weapon. I thought it fell into the ocean that day,” I whispered.

“Howard fished it out of the water when they went looking for you both. He thought what we think, that this cube could be an unlimited sustainable energy source.” Fury informed us.

“Who took it from you?” Steve questioned.

“He’s called Loki, he’s not from around here. We have a lot we're gonna need to catch you both up on if you agree to help. This world has gotten stranger than you already know.”

“I doubt anything could surprise us anymore, right Stevie?”

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“Ten bucks says you’re both wrong.” Fury bet. We both got up from our seats and handed the file back. Steve went and grabbed another bag from the floor and I just headed straight for the door.

“There are debriefing packets at your apartments, read through them and get back to me by tomorrow afternoon. And before you leave, is there anything we should know about the tesseract?”

“You should have left it in the ocean.” Steve and I said at once before walking out of the gym. Once we were outside on the sidewalk we hugged and said our goodbyes for the moment and then went our separate ways.

The walk home felt longer than the walk to the gym, but this gave me time to think about what I wanted to do. Whether I wanted to go on this mission, or if I just wanted to lay low and live my life. By the time I walked through my front door I had almost made my decision, but I was waiting to read the file before I decided for good. With a quick look through the minimal information provided I sighed and threw the papers down onto my kitchen counter. Shaking my head I murmured to myself.

“No, I am not doing this. This cube is not worth it.” Rubbing my eyes I went back to my room and crawled under the bed, not caring that I was still in jeans and a t-shirt. I was not going to walk blindly into anything dealing with that cube again. I lost my fiance and everyone I have ever known because of that stupid blue thing, I'm not going to go anywhere near it again. I laid there quietly for a while before I eventually drifted off into a restless sleep.

The next morning I woke up with a start, almost hitting my head on the bed above me. Furious honking made its way from the street into my room. One thing I definitely missed from the past was how quiet it once was at seven a.m.

Along with the decision to not join the mission, I had also made up my mind about leaving New York. This had been a long decision in the making and the talk with Fury last night was enough to make the choice for me. I couldn't live in this city anymore. The places I used to hang out at were still here, but they had been renovated so many times that they were unrecognizable. Everywhere I turned It was like I was walking through a strange alternate reality. I saw glimpses of the past, like ghosts around every corner, it was worse when it was a place Bucky and I frequented.

When I had gotten back from the Retreat I made the mistake of going to mine and Steve’s old apartment. It had been torn down to construct a bookstore, along with several other retail shops. I broke down in the street when I saw it, waves upon waves of emotions crashed into me. All the memories I had there with Steve, mom, and Bucky had no place to live now other than in my mind. The next mistake I made was to go down the next few blocks to Bucky’s apartment he shared with his mom and sister, Rebecca. It was no longer there either, a bakery stood in its place. I turned and left before the onslaught of tears came. After that day I thought it would be best to go somewhere else, somewhere I had no memories.

I crawled out from under the bed and slowly moved to the bathroom to start getting ready for the long day to come. Once I had showered and gotten dressed I sat myself down on the living room sofa, looking wearily at the telephone on the end table. Hesitantly I picked up the receiver and dialed the number that had been in the tesseract briefing file. It rang twice before Nick Fury answered.

“Mr. Fury, I’m calling to tell you that I won’t be joining your team for whatever mission you have going on. I just want to lay low and rebuild my life and live it quietly without interruption.” I let out a long breath.

“Well, that’s unfortunate. Was really hoping to have you fight with us. If you change your mind, you know where to contact me. Goodbye Agent Rogers.” He hung up quickly after that, not giving me a chance to tell him goodbye as well. The next call was going to be the hard one, I had to tell Steve my plans. I dialed his number slowly as I raised the receiver to my ear. It didn’t even have time to get through the first ring before Steve picked up.

“Hello?” He asked on the other end.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“What’s up kid. Have you called Fury about joining the mission? I called about an hour ago letting them know I’d help.” He sounded a little enthusiastic.

“That’s actually what I’m calling about. I’m not sure how you’ll feel about this but I’m not going to help with the mission.”

“Oh,” he sounded surprised. “Why not? I thought you’d want to help get rid of that thing once and for all.”

“It’s not that, I want nothing more than for the tesseract to be gone for good. I just don’t think I can be a part of it, I don’t want this thing to take over my life if we can’t get rid of it. This brings me to another important thing I need to tell you. I can’t stay here in New York, so I’m moving to DC.” He was quiet for a while after I had said that, the only thing I could hear coming from his side was his breath. I grew more anxious by the minute waiting for him to say something.

“What do you mean you’re moving? Why can’t you stay here with me?”

“Don’t be selfish.” I snapped.

“I’m not being selfish, you are.” he raised his voice. I huffed through my nose, getting annoyed.

“I can’t stay here any longer. I have no idea what it is like for you, but for me, being in this city is torture. I see ghosts from the past every time I leave my house. I can’t go anywhere without seeing him, and every time I see him, I break down. I never got to say goodbye and that day plays over and over in my head. Steve, I’m being tormented with nightmares to the point where I have barely gotten five hours of sleep in the past week. I need to get out of here whether you like it or not.” Tears had started to stream down my face as I yelled into the phone.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could have helped you, I still can help you if you let me. If you leave I can’t keep you safe, I can’t protect you like I’m supposed to.” He was using his soft “grown-up” voice he always used with me when I was younger to try and calm me down but the tears kept streaming down my cheeks at a rapid pace.

“I can protect myself, we did take the same serum,” I choked out. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to bother you with my problems, I can deal with them myself. Plus you have your own things to deal with, you don’t need to help me with mine.” My head was starting to hurt now and my cheeks and neck itched with quickly drying tears.

“Fine. The only way I will be okay with you leaving is if you promise to call me at least twice a week and you let me help you move.” I gave a strained laugh and nodded, even if he couldn't see it.

“Okay, it’s a deal. I actually already have an apartment lined up, so you can come over and help me pack everything up whenever you want to. I’m going to try and be out of New York by the end of next week.”

“I’ll be right over.” I laughed as I told him that I’d be waiting. I laid the receiver back down in its spot and stood up to go to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror, thinking. I was glad my relationship with Steve could handle an argument, understand one another, then go right back to normal, I don’t think we would be this close if it couldn't. I blinked back a few stubborn tears and bent down to grab a rag from the sink cabinet, I dampened it in warm water then wiped the dried tears from my face. The warm water felt wonderful on my skin.

Over the next week and a half, Steve and I boxed up what few belongings I had and packed them and the furniture into a moving truck. I didn’t own a car so the moving truck would be my transportation to DC. One of the many things SHIELD had us do was take a modern driving test, which wasn’t hard, just a few more signs to remember and more gadgets in the car than there used to be, I ended up passing with flying colors.

By Friday morning we had everything ready to go. Steve would follow me on his motorcycle and I would drive the truck the whole three and a half hours to my new apartment.

We stopped several times on the way down, mainly so Steve didn’t have to sit on the bike for the whole three hours straight. We also stopped for lunch. All in all the trip took us about five hours, with traffic added. We made it to my new home just after two and we started moving my belongings in immediately.

Admittedly the apartment was way too big for just me but I liked the extra space, it was different from the tiny two-bedroom apartment I had grown up in. The first thing I made sure to unpack and put up was the bed. I still hadn't told Steve I wasn’t actually sleeping in the bed, but he didn’t need to know that. After that clothes were sorted through and put in their respective places. With our enhanced strength and stamina, we had the whole place relatively furnished in just under two hours. We stopped for dinner when everything had been brought up from the moving truck.

The day went by fast with us talking and laughing like we used to, it was a good change of pace from my usual aimlessly roaming around my apartment alone. But, all good things have to come to an end and Steve had to leave. He pulled me into a tight hug, almost crushing me, and wouldn’t let go until I pinky promised to call him several times a week. I just laughed and promised him I would. I was sad watching him walk down the hallway to the stairs.

I turned back into my apartment and closed the door, locking it behind me. I stared at the box littering the floor and decided to get to work unpacking the rest of what we hadn’t gotten earlier.

Most of my belongings I found in thrift stores and antique shops around the city. It may have been the twenty-first century now, but that wasn’t stopping me from making my home a comfortable, familiar space. If you walked in from the outside world, you would have thought you had been transported to the past with how much authentic 1940s and before things I had littered about. Some things had been saved from the apartment we lived in in the forties. I learned a few weeks before we came back from the retreat that Peggy had been the one to put everything in storage after they had failed to find Steve and me in the ice. I had gone through all of it and took out what I wanted to take with me and Steve had done the same. I was thankful Peggy had done what she did, otherwise, everything would have been lost to time.

That night as I tried to sleep, I realized it was a little easier to relax. DC was a whole lot quieter than New York, there was no honking or yelling every two seconds to keep me awake. I was left alone in almost complete silence, which for others may be worse than being bombarded with noise, but I didn’t mind. I fell asleep almost an hour after laying down for the night and had a restless sleep. I woke up many times in the night covered in sweat, but I couldn't remember the dreams, anything I could remember dissipated as soon as I opened my eyes.

I woke up again very early the next morning, the clock on my wall said it was four forty-five. It was still dark out, but I could hear birds starting to chirp. I crawled out from under the bed frame and went to put on some exercise clothes. Running always helped to clear my mind after not being able to get any sort of rest. The run itself didn’t take long, even though it was seven miles, any normal person would be exhausted but I had barely broken a sweat. I did get to see some nice places, taking a route around the zoo, to the National Cathedral, and then back around to the Dupont Circle neighborhood, where my apartment was. The sun was just starting to come up as I made my way back into my building.

Although I had just moved in the day before, I was ready to start finding some sort of job. The money SHIELD was giving me to help assimilate back into the world comfortably was appreciated, but I wanted to make my own way in life without their help. Finding a job was going to be harder than it used to be, but I did have expertise in several areas. Upon being unfrozen, along with the driving tests, SHIELD created a new resume for me. I had degrees in history pertaining to the 1940s, World War II, and several of the New Deal programs, with a specialty in the SSR. I was also given a Veteran ID, although I don’t really know how that one works because I definitely was not a part of the apparent ongoing fighting in Afghanistan. I still looked twenty-four, I doubt anyone would believe it.

Anyway, I had interviews lined up for today at the Smithsonian, and hopefully, the resume that SHIELD created and my knowledge would be enough to land a job. I had already figured that I would be volunteering at the local VFW. I knew I could find people there to relate to and hopefully be able to make some friends.

Tag List: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae @starkleila

#james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x rogers!reader #winter solider x reader #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction

[zuffer-weird-girl]

A/n:This has been on my drafts for too long now. Is not one of my best works but is certainly something that I thought a lot when I first read the chapter and comung to understand Pops and Kai relationship as father and son. I hope this not come as petty or ahitty like some works of mine because this one I meant it to be... special.

Allert for murder and suicide mentions

Only by a miracle

"Why if I do even need to ask for? Just bullshit ..." he asked, barely bothering to look in your direction while he watched the news ... at least try to pretend he cared.

After the raid of the hassaikai, the league of villains; especially because of Shigaraki; taking his arms, taking away what little significance was left for the poor man, Chisaki had simply put everything aside ... his interest in things and knowledge, his goal of "cleaning the world", even of at least care about his physical and especially mental state ... the reason why you two are having this conversation right now. The only thing that he seemed to not have lost hope or interested thankfully was you.

"I just thought that maybe it was something to help you ... "you answered quietly, gently approaching and sitting right next to him" a psychologist may be a good idea especially after everything ... happened. That co-worker of mine can help and- "

"With all due respect (Y / n), I'd rather rot in Tartarus than accept someone else's help ... After all," he sighed, an empty, melancholy look in his golden eyes "that's what I deserve . "

"Stop." you immediately spoke right away, eyes burning with the urge to cry at his words. "Please, we already had this conversation ... you don't deserve it." leaning your head on his shoulder you can feel how tense his body was but soon relaxed ... as if he had actually released a weight from his shoulders.

 

sighing, your boyfriend finally seemed to slowly return to the real world than the torment that had turned his head as he looked at you.

"You're going on yours at least I hope." you nodded, gritted your teeth and widened your eyes when you saw the familiar green hair of the boy responsible for literally almost beating Kai.

You tried to take control before Kai saw it but already feeling his body tensing and the way his shoulders started to shake you already knew that he had already seen the boy.

You barely remedy what you at least think of the boy named Deku ... upset and irritated because he beat your boyfriend along with the other almost hero Lemillion beat his boyfriend or pity and fear if Chisaki happened to find him. As much as he no longer had his arms, he was still strong ... you have already witnessed several tantrums and breakdowns of his in the last few monthswhwre he had torned the small apartment you two lived now down ... his depression and panic attacks and paranoia were horrible .... but with sure what hurt you the most was when he woke up from a nightmare ... feeling a torturous pain in the place where his arms were supposed to be ... but all this was psychological pain. kai knew how much it affected you, and knowing that you were too stubborn to leave him, he insisted that you do therapy instead of him.

"Let's...turn this off." you mumbled before taking the remote and turning off the tv after turning to him and massaging his shoulders until he saw that he had calmed down at least a little.

"You know ... how about you come with me tomorrow?" you commented, happy that you had finally unlocked him a little "The same place where my therapist is where he is hospitalized and-"

"No ... he would be the last person who would at least enjot my presence angel." you frowned, your hope to at least pay a visit to the poor elderly in a coma fails again. You knew the amount of guilt and sorrow Chisaki carried of putting Pops on a coma, but behind that cold facade and th walls he had constructed, you knew better... You knew that he his intentions truly weren't on the bad side, but even you had to agree he had gone way too far on his path.

Sighing, you stood up, making Kai look i to your eyes questionably before you kissed his cheek lovingly mumbling that you were going to make his favorite for the dinner, smiling sadly at how he sighed and leaned on you, mumbling how he didn't deserves you and such things.

You went to the kitchen before jumping at your notification on your cellphone and beaming happilh at your door frame.

"Ne ne! Hon!" You put the box you just had received and openes for him to see, hoping to see him lighten up a bit.

You smiled and almost teared up when he gave one look at the box and let out a weak chuckle, looking at you with adoration.

"Seems like I wont be needing feeding anymore." He commented as you jumped on him to cage his frame on a hug as tears threteaned to spill from your eyes.

That was the first time in months Chisaki had come close to even smilling... things were slowly starting to get better... but yet, you knew it was never going to return back the way it was... and the worst?

You knew that not only you felt something was missing.

~

The next day you woke up feeling your boyfriend's arms prototics holding you close to your chest, the back of your neck feeling the warmth of his breath while his lips lightly brushed your skin. You mumbled to yourself seeing the schedule and gently raising the fake arms for you to slip past them to get out of the bed. Uou smiled when you saw and heard how Chisaki complained in his sleep at the loss of your warm, getting close to him and giving him a kiss first on his temple then lightly on his lips, stroking his hair for good measure.

Getting ready and leaving a note for Kai to see when he wakes up, you left your apartment for another appointment with your therapist ... after of course going to a flower shop.

~

"Good luck with your father-in-law, young lady"

"Thank you doctor" you responded by leaving the office and walking through the hospital corridors, avoiding the eyes of doctors and nurses when you passed and went to the room where he was. You entered with the permission of the secretary, your heart and body always seemed to freeze when seeing Pops in the vegetative state, machines saving him from death but not bringing him back from the coma that Kai had put him in.

"Good morning Pops." you whispered, exchanging the dead flowers on the table next to the machines to replace them with the new ones you had bought before your consultation "I came as every time."

Taking a chair and dragging it to the side of the bed you sat down with a sigh before smilling at the sleeping elder.

"... we miss you. All of us, both subordinates and me and ... Kai." you bit your lip before you started saying "I don't know if you can really hear me every time I say this, but I swear to you that Kai just wanted to make you proud... Pops if you knew how much he suffers and regrets doing this to you ... " you wiped the tears from your eyes with the back of your sweater. You looked at the old man's face ... resting on the hospital bed for months now.

"Doctors say that even at your age you are a fighter." you giggled before returning your attention "... I tried to bring him here but he feels so guilty that he has no courage to come face you again .... please if one day you wake up again, forgive him, please... you were the only one he trusted and respected since childhood ... "you sighed before taking the bag and giving the elderly a small and careful hug as he used to do while he was awake" I ask a thousand pardons for him... I’ll be back next week Pops, maybe I can get him to come here next time! " you giggled sadly before frowning. Saying a little goodbye, you went towards the door ... but when you touched the maceneta you froze, hearing the sound of the mattress twinks and the fabric of the sheets moving ... looking slowly over your shoulder you gasped in astonishement and shock, bringing your hands to cover your mouth while your eyes watered when you saw tired gray eyes and the little smirk that the elderly person gave you in your bed even with numerous tubes in it.

"How good it is to see you again my dear. How long have I been away?"

~

"Sir is truly a miracle that you woke up from this coma honestly." The doctor said in astonishment as you awkwardly finsighed mumbling explaining all what had happened during the elder's absence.

"The shie hassaikai members are ALL on jail?" Pops asked calmly but you cringed hard at seing how wide were his eyes as you nodded.

"We're... trying to pay Chro- I m-mean Kurono! To get out of prison though... is a start." You clenched your jaw as Pops muttered something to God as he burried his face on one of his hands.

"Well." The doctor smiled at you both as she made her exit "You still have to spend one week to check up, but soon you will be able to go away wuth your..?"

"Daughter in law." The elder sighed, finally lifted his head up to show his gratitude to the medic before she left. Looking back at you "How is my granddaughter? Eri? I suppose you didn't know about the plan that boy had on his mind."

"Y-yeah.. She is on the hands of the hero Eraserhead, as far as I know of, the U.A took her custody to help her to control her quirk for real this time." You grabbed his hand and squezzed assuringly "She is on good hands Pops. I promise you."

"For once." He sighed before giving you a smile. Your phone buzzed and you excused yourself to pick it up.

"Hey hon.." you spoke as Pops furrowed hsi eyebrows, mentioning with his hands that he also wanted to hear.

"Where are you? Your apointment should had ended by one half an hour ago?" The nonchantly voice of Chisaki made you worry about how Pops body seemed tense as he montioned for you to jot speak a thing about him.

"U-uh... it got longer?"

"You're shit at lying, you know that right?" Pops smirked while you blushed a bit.

"Sorey sorry.." you rubbed the back of your neck a bit "I-I went to that place where they sell those sweets you like, that's all."

You heard a sigh and frowned at how tired your boyfriend sounded as he spoke on a vulnerable tune you had grew used to on the past few months... but Pops widened his eyes, almost not recognizing the vouce behind that cellphone.

"Just hurry up and get back home... I feel like one of those is about to come again.." he spoke as if that were a burden, you hummed immediately promising him to be home soon before saying how much you lobed him and hanging up.

"One fo those?"

"For these past few months he had gotten depression and some PTSD attacks..."

"Hironic." The eldery sarcastically chuckled with bitter as he leaned up his back on the mattress "He was the one to put my grandauther through hell, put me on a coma, ruin the whole bussines of my family and now, he is the one with depression." You furrowed your eyebrows at that. Taking a breath in, knowing that was something that could happen you talked back.

"I know the things he had done were wrong Pops... but believe me when I say he just wanted to-"

"(Y/n) my dear. As much as I know how generous you are, you can't actually try to be on Chisaki's side this time." He glared at you as you gulped "I lost count on how much I tried talking him out of those absurd ideas of his, but as always a stubborn one, he continued on and left the path I tried to teach him for years."

"Well, with all respect sir, you cant totally blame him if he was raised by a mafia boss no less." You grumbled as the elder narrowed his eyes at you for the first ever time.

"I taught him manners. He was the one who didn't followed them. Preffering to take this dark and horrific path. The yakusa is superior to villains and what he does? Becomes one of them despite fighting others that we are not? Is he bipolar now?!"

"Pops please just listen to me... We both know he suffered before you took him in, he feels in debt with you ever since that day."

"And he retributes me with this. Putting me on a coma."

"Pops I-"

"Stop defending him kid!" He yelled and you flinched away from him in shock "That man put my own grandaughter through hell and used her as some lab rat experiment, and now not only i lost my own daughter but her as well!"

Silence consumed the room... you felt at the verge of crying before taking a huge breath in determination. You wont let him, you wont let the man who created the one you love speak like that without you giving him a reason.

"Kai done these things, thats for sure ... but his whole life he felt trapped by the fact that he never got to repay you. He had absurd ideas for that? Of course, I will not cover up his errors. But I am not going to let even you Pops speak like that. Since you already knew he wasn't listening to you, why didn't you take him away from Shie Hassaikai's work and just put more pressure on him saying that he would, one day, be the new boss? Your sucessor no less?! " he remained his glare to his hospital room window "... he just wanted you to be proud of him .. so he still protects Shie Hassaikai's honor ... Pops do you even know that he lost only his arms still fighting to give you something?!" You cried as the old man opened his eyes wide and finally looked back at you "For the past months he and I have been in our personal hell, he has nightmares every night! Do you even happen to remember that you had to comfort him the first night he slept at your house? imagine the attack only ten times worse! do you even know how it was to see him begging me for me to kill him ?! "you sobbed while the man was still in shock to hear what you said and your state.

"my dear why are you still going through this?" he said almost breathlessly while you wiped your tears, almost leaving the room.

"Because I love your son ... and I know he loves you in his own weird and antisocial way ... Please I know that it is very difficult to forgive him, but I beg Pops ... try it... both of you only have each other now...." you sighed and left the room without even saying goodbye to him or the nurses asking if you were okay.

~

Two weeks had passed after that. You remained a secret that Pops woke up from his coma to prevent Chisaki to fell on one of those nerve train racking thoughts of his...

"You win this ever time, is not fair." You whined as your boyfriend smiled, replacing the many pieces back on the shoji board back again.

"So why do you even still insist on playing it then with me no less dearest?" He asked, not exactly expecting an answer before he froze at the way you kept looking at him with love.

"Because is your favorite game. And I love seing you happy while playing it." You giggled at the immediate scoff to hide his blush as he closed his eyes, his black mask preventing you to show his smile as he mumbled an affectionate "crazy woman".

You giggled even more at that. Things were surely better than they could have been. Thanks to your teraupist you were also able to help your own boyfriend... his attacks had stopped and you never felt more relieved to see that the bags from beneath his eyes were slowly dissapearing.

"Ugh... im hungry!!!" You whined loudly again, rolling over to lay your head on his lap as he looked down at you with an arched eyebrow.

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Take out." You proclaimed before he flipped your nose.

"Absolutely not. Is disgusting." He growled as you whined and put your bottom lip out.

"One time it won't hurt! Pleaseeee???? Please my devil??" You smiled mentally at seing the tip of his ears going red "please my handsome cutie softie delicious-" he hushed you with one of his fake finger son your lips as he growled.

"Fine fine, have your way brat. Jesus Christ you're so spoiled." He offered you one of his last used, that the police couldn't track, credit cards as you lowered his mask to kiss him.

"Says who again?" You giggled before sighing in bliss when he brought you close, you stradling his lap as you circled his neck with your arms, contained your noises as he trailed his kisses down to your jaw.

It has been so long since you two had-

You both growled when your cellphone ringed, but Kai still stood on his track as he mumbled in your ear for you to pick up... although he still continued to carres your thighs as he vould feel them again and lay kisses in the crook of your neck.

You widened your eyes though whem you saw that it was from the hospital... you had beem visiting and making conpany to Pops even despjte the argument you had gotten to him, but now it seemed he was free to go... shit. You couldn't hide this anymore from Kai.

Although you gasped back to the current reality when you felt a certain... hardness on his lap.

"If you tell me you have to go Im setting this place on fire." He mumbled in your neck as you whined. That surely must be the worst cockblock you two had in your relationship. You nodded as he growled again, making yourself out of his laps, he let you go hesitantly.

"What is even about this time?" He said nonchantly as he adjusted his hair back.

"I... have to go to the hospital."

"Is that therapist of yours again?" He asked in annoyance as you left in a hurry, crossing his arms and auspecting at your attitudem

"I-It will be quick!"

"You didn't answer my-" and the door closed while he sighed loudly looking up at yhe ceilingx having to deal with the problem you had caused down there "Fucking brat." He growled out loud standing up with a hiss to go to the shower.

~

The drive back from the hospital was so awkward... the pregnant silence making you go crazy as Pops remained quietly the entire ride.

"I thought a lot about what you said once my dear." You yelped and looked at him in surprise.

"Eh?"

He smiled before looking at you with a serene expression.

"I was never once a good father example for both my actual daughter or Chisaki. Part of me didn't want to believe, but Kai needed more than just my help after I took him in... Guess he took on my stubborness."

"N-no, that was not what I meant-"

"Relax kid... I just recalled what you said back there when you left. There is nothing left for me asides from trying to at least solve things with Chisaki... I cant thank you enough, both of me and him weren't on the right side, so is not on place of me to judge him... specially when I tortured a childhood friend of my once."

... wait whAT-?!

The train stopped and you hesitantly took Pops hand when he offered it to help you stand up.

You two walked before you stopped by the front of your apartment complex as you looked at Pops uncertainly, but he only nodded with a smile.

"Is time for me to speak with him after who knows how long."

You shakily entered your apartment as coincidentally Kai emerged from the tiny hall, drying his hair with a towel, already dressed on his casual clothes as he opened one of his eyes to look at you.

"Better have a good explanation or else punishment is going to be extra harder." He smirked devilish and you would have gotten turn on if it weren't from right after he widened his amber eyes as if he had saw a ghost as Pops entered, crossing his arms as he looked back at Chisaki.

"Hello, Chisaki." He spoke seriously before smilling at how the man he created for years now seemes as a fragile boy who had been caught for doing sonething silly.

You aproached Chisaki slowly before taking his hand, making him look at you to remind him it wasn't one of his paranoia events... Pops was there. Smilling at him.

It was real.

The elder aproached, a small still present on as he looked at Chisaki.

"You seem way better than the last time I saw you. I'm glad to see that."

He couldn't speak, his throat was sore, it hurted too mcuh to even breath near this man again. He knew what had happened, so why on hell was this old geezer smilling at him iut of all people?! He could feel his eyes start to burn as he clenched on your hand before flinching violently when a hand that wasn't yours rested on his shoulder.

"I'm not mad at you. Is all in the past, I know your intentions weren't what happened... and I forgive you, Kai." He pulled Chisaki for a hug and the man himself tensed accidentaly letting go of your hand and lifting his metal arms in the air awkwardly. "But I hope one day you can still forgive me for not being a good father to you... my son."

That was the last straw for the man once called himself the name of his quirk, to break completely. He cried, silently, but the river of tears falling down his eyes was still there as he clenched the back of the man as he trembled... muttering how he hated himself and how much he was ashamed and sorry as Pops also apologized.

You smiled at the scene, trying to left the room but failing when your boyfriend and Pops called you back instantly... these two had still long to talk... but Kai still wanted you there. With him. As he always wanted.

After all, you and Pops were the only concept of family he ever had learned.

#bnha villains #bnha #bnha characters #bnha x reader #bnha imagine #chisaki kai #chisaki kai x reader #overhaul x reader #overhaul #fanfic overhaul #my writings #zuffer writings

[girlmounter]

URGENT QUESTION TO ALL MY FOLLOWERS, I NEED YOUR FEEBACK!

Okay so here's the situation. I am asking you all to please please read this through and like, maybe tell me if I made the right decision... because I feel terrible about this. I would love it if someone told me if this is correct or wrong and I should've done something else. I'm not a popular blog, so whoever this post might reach (which is not going to be a lot of people) please please take some time out to read this through. I know it's a really long post, but I really really need your opinion on this. If you don't have the time right now, maybe just reblog it and save it for later. It would also help this post reach more people. Also please check the tags for the trigger warnings.

I have been going to a therapist for about 5 months now. My mom, as you probably know by now, is narcissistic and my dad enables her, along with my mom's parents who we live with. I have no siblings, and I just turned 17. Since we live in Asia, all you desi people know how hard society is on us when we go against our parents, who are supposed to be godly figures.

So all along, my therapist, (for confidentiality's sake we'll call him Sam, 21), has been bent on making me talk to them. I dont know why. I've tried explaining so many times that talking to my mom is not an option because 1) NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE DON'T EVER CHANGE and 2) my mom WILL use all my words against me and twist them into whatever she wants and later bring them up to bring me down. You guys with narcissistic parents know this shit too well.

It's not like I haven't ever even tried talking to them, I have! I've done it so many times, with a calm tone, in the most diplomatic way possible. There were times I tried to get the point across by crying and being desperate too. There were also times where I thought anger might work out.

It never did. It doesn't. It won't, because she is not looking for solutions or for mending the bond between us. All she wants is to infantilize me and keep me under her control forever. Mom and dad both want this. They don't ever want to let me out of their sights. They don't let me out of their sights.

A very long story short, I am supervised 24/7, I don't have much of a phone, I don't have friends, I don't have any family members who would support me, I don't have much of a family either tbh. I am monitored like crazy, gaslighted every single day, lied to, manipulated like hell, and babied to the point where it's just narcissistic infantilization and not concern anymore. To them, I'm a baby when it suits them, and I'm an adult when it suits them better that way. She doesn't care about what I think because apparently I'm a liar and to all those people out there who know the smear campaigning and the flying monkeys and the triangulation....yeah. All of that happens on a regular basis. I know I'm not providing any concrete proof and situations but please believe me. Please believe me. My memory is so shot I can't remember anything and i know it doesn't work out in my favor but please please believe me I'm telling the truth...

I have made three suicide attempts, I used to cut and was very badly addicted to it, and now I don't cut, but yeah I'll be sharing the reason in a little bit. Please hold on, this means a huge deal to me. Please don't scroll past this.

So Sam never really even had a smidge of doubt that my mom might be narcissistic, and I wasn't given the benefit of doubt either. After months of research when I myself figured that it might be narcissism, I told him and he went along with it. He does believe me now. But somehow I don't feel very understood. I dont feel better after I talk to him. I feel like my problems are trivial and that I'm just not working hard enough. I feel misunderstood and I never feel satisfied. I asked him for tips to deal with crushing loneliness and panic attacks and stuff like that, but I never receive real answers. When I asked for help with my suicidal thoughts, he just said that it's never an option and that's it. That's the only answer I got. When I asked for help with cutting, the only answer I got was that if I even tried to cut again, I'd lose him.

Like. Is that really how therapy is supposed to work?

Half of the time we just while time away, talking as if we're friends and I mean, it's a paid session. We're not very financially well off right now, what with the pandemic and everything, and we're paying him 2000 INR a week. It's a lot for us because we ain't exactly rich. That's like 10,000 INR a month.

I try to talk, I'm told that I don't stop talking and don't let him speak. When I don't speak, I'm not speaking enough. I dont feel comfortable anymore in a way that I think I should be with a therapist. I have recieved more helpful advice from actual PhD psychologists who are making videos on dealing with narcissism on YouTube. I feel more understood by them than I ever have with him. So many times I have left the session crying and hours later I'd still be stifling tears. So many times I don't feel heard and I feel like if I told him something he'd be angry. Sometimes he snaps and is like way too straightforward and it just doesn't do well with me. He doesn't support a lot of stuff that I support, like anti body shaming, especially for overweight people and stuff like LGBTQIA+ too, really. I'm mocked in an underhand way if I express that I support stuff that he doesn't really like. It's not straightforward but... I can't shake the feeling.

I do sometimes look forward to the sessions, if only because I'll have someone to talk to...but that's pretty much it. I'm not getting anything out of this. He claims that no one will understand me the way he does, and he keeps comparing my life to his, which I don't like. He says that in a way he and I both very similar and he relates to me and then proceeds to tell me about events in his life. He says that I'm his favorite client and now a good friend too, but I feel like that's not how it should be. And I do make an effort to listen to him tell me stuff about his life but...shouldn't it be the other way round?

Now I'm not saying that he is a bad person. I have loads of my own issues too; severe depression, crippling anxiety, overthinking every freaking thing, I'm like 100% sure I have complex PTSD from this childhood trauma, constant pain everywhere, crazy headaches, flashbacks, nightmares, hallucinations sometimes, and major emotion repression. I'm dealing with a million and one things right now and yes that might be causing me to feel worse about this situation than I should. I admit that I'm not exactly thinking about this in a diplomatic way...but somehow it doesn't feel right, and hence this really long post.

If you're still here, thank you so much. Your reading this is doing something that means a lot to me. Truly.

He exercises a lot, and he gave me a whole schedule to follow with the meals I should eat and the exercise I should do and somehow I never feel like I'm doing enough. If I miss out I can't tell him because he always reprimands me for messing up. I dont feel comfortable about opening up and then he forces me to do that and then when I do I don't feel better.

Lately, we'd been talking about how I need to tell my parents to their face what I feel is wrong with their actions, and how without that happening there's no point to our sessions anymore. Straight up went that if I don't talk to them on this Sunday, then we're not going to have sessions anymore.

I tried explaining to him many times how my mom will never change, how I don't want to enrage them further, how I don't want to give her more information on my life that she can use against me again...but no use.

He insisted over and over again on how she has no idea what she's doing to me, and if we just talked it out, my whole situation will be fine. This is just a huge misunderstanding.

I tried so hard to make him understand that that's not how it works for her, she doesn't want to resolve things and she'll just jump at the first chance she gets to use all my information against me, but no. I tried telling him that I have talked to her before and that I also used to think that if I just told her what they were doing wrong, then they would understand and mend their ways, I mean it took me YEARS to convince myself that it was never gonna happen! I tried it so many times and everytime I fell for this trap and everytime I regretted it but he doesn't get that! At all! That they're never gonna change!

Instead of helping me get over them, instead of telling me how to move on, instead of helping me grieve over my entire childhood... he was forcing me to talk things out with them, because if I didn't tell them I would be keeping it inside me and letting that fester would be bad.

I agree that it's not healthy for me to keep things to myself, which is why I talked to him right? And the things which are troubling me cannot be resolved with them because they refuse to change their ways!

The only thing that would come out of that family discussion is me at a disadvantage and them at an advantage by having all the latest scoop on my life and then have my mom (who is a doctor who has also done a course on CBT) psychoanalyse me even more than she does now. I'd be tailed harder. It will get worse and I know it. I've seen it and I promised myself that I would never make the same mistake of opening up to them honestly ever again. And here Sam wanted me to that very thing.

And I agreed initially, I tried convincing myself that maybe it'll work out and after all, Sam will be defending me and everything (even though he did say he would support them if he found them correct) but I didn't feel good about it. I remembered that a therapist is supposed to make you feel more at ease and let you take your own time to process through things and never force a client to do something if they had doubts about it.

And so I texted him today, and I refused. He said we won't have any more sessions, but I said it's fine. Because I don't want to go to him anymore anyway. I think I would rather have no one to talk to, than have someone belittle my experiences and just overall make me feel worse than I did when I first entered the session.

There's more stuff that was related to this, and if you guys want to know something before making your judgement of this situation, please please please ask me, message me, but please just have a bird's eye view on this whole thing and tell me if I made the right decision...please.

I would really appreciate some feedback right now.

Thank you so,so much for sticking with me till the end of this post. It means the world to me, honestly. I couldn't thank you more.

#tw: narcissism #tw: narcissistic mom #tw: trauma #tw: abuse #therapist problems #family issues #tw: suicide mention #tw: anxiety #tw: depression #tw: ptsd #tw: self harm #help needed #one note a day #please help #boost this #please reblog this with your opinion below #i really need feedback #i wouldnt have asked if i didnt have to #this means a lot to me #please believe me #help #if you dont wanna comment #just please boost this atleast #surviving narcissistic abuse #narcissistic parents #narcissistic abuse #narcissistic help

[beetles-and-rock]

Remembering The Roadhouse Part 4

Hey guys sorry this one took so long, but since I saw it as an important chapter I wanted to give it the time it deserved.

Also a disclaimer, I have tried posting this story part once, so if it comes up twice, that's my bad. I appear to be having technical difficulties.

--------------------------------------------------

The sound of the alarm going off made Dewey hurt all over, but there was no time left to rest. He had to get to the school. He stood, and his head throbbed, his stomach hurt with a mix of hunger and nausea. Every part of him ached, and he was absolutely exhausted.

His weekend had only gotten worse. He'd gotten sick after getting off the phone with Rosalie the night before last. Still, he continued to work on the song he was writing for her until he finally finished it well into the next day. Ned had found him in a pile of wadded up paper balls with very dark circles under his eyes and, became even more concerned when it seemed he had no appetite.

"Try to get some rest.“ Ned told him.

He did try, but the doubt swimming around his head, and the pain everywhere else kept him from falling asleep. It wasn't until a few hours ago that he finally managed nap a little. Since music coaching wasn't until after the kids' daily classes, Dewey had a little more time to rest. Still what little sleep he got wasn't enough to make up for the last two restless nights.

Dewey wanted to turn around and crawl back under his warm comforter so badly, but he knew that if he wanted the kids to learn the song he'd written for Rosalie, he was going to have to have them practice it now. They only had three days. He fought the sleepiness and achiness, and got dressed. Since he was still so nauseated, he decided not to eat anything. He dragged himself to the school.

After nearly falling asleep at the wheel several times, he arrived at the school and went straight to work setting everything up as he usually did. Once finished, he walked over to the desk and leaned against it waiting for his students to arrive.

"Mr. Finn, I wanted to talk to you about the Battle-“ Summer paused as soon as she looked up at him. "Mr. Finn are you feeling okay?"

Dewey didn't answer. Mostly because he didn't realize she was there. He was leaning so far onto the desk, he was practically laying on it. Though his eyes were open, he was staring past her, unaware that she had even spoken. That was until she snapped her fingers in front of him making him jump.

"Oh! Summer! How long have you been standing there?" He asked.

"Mr. Finn are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah! Perfectly fine!“

"Are you sure? You look pale, and tired. And you have dark circles under your eyes. Should we cancel practice?"

"No way! I'll be fine, we just gotta get this thing going. Is everybody ready?“

Summer continued to look at him unconvinced. "Yes."

Dewey looked around at all his students, seeing that they had their instruments out, and were ready to start practice.

"H-Hey Guys." That sounded weaker than he wanted. He cleared his throat. "Sorry... Hey Guys!“ He said much more confidently. “Friday night is the big night! The night we get on that stage, and once again show em' what we're made of!"

The band cheered all around him, causing his energy to suddenly spike. That is until he looked at the papers in his hand.

"But today, I wanted to start off with something a little different. Now, our focus is still on Battle of the Bands, but I... kinda... wrote a little something special... for Ros -uh- Mrs. Mullins." He scratched the back of his neck hearing a few of the girls squeal at his announcement.

"I was kinda hoping we could play it for her... on a little date I had planned Thursday."

"Thursday!?" Summer exclaimed.

"I know it's the night before the battle, but it's an anniversary... sort of." Dewey explained.

"An anniversary of what?" Summer asked.

"Um..."

"Oh my God! Did you hook up with her? Is that how we got permission last year?"

"NO! no no no no no... It wasn't anything like that. We bonded I guess, but it was over music! Not anything... like the other..." He trailed off into awkwardness.

"Alright well, show us the song!" Zack requested breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Right!" Dewey answered. He looked at the papers, and studied the lyrics growing anxious again.

"Mr. Finn, is everything alright?" Tamika asked.

After looking at the papers a moment more, Dewey sighed with a mix of frustration, dissapointment, and exhaustion.

"Nevermind guys... This song is garbage." He goes to tear the papers.

"MR. FINN! NO!" Tamika screamed. Dewey was so caught off guard, he could do nothing when Freddie snatched them out of his hands, and passed them to Summer.

She walked as she read them, and the paused.

"Mr. Finn, this is incredibly sweet. You can't tear this up." She said. The other students gathered around to look at it.

"Well that line's pretty cheesy." Feddie snickered looking at the lyrics. Katie bowed him in the side, and Dewey gave a little sideways smile as if to thank her.

"What do you think, guys? Should we do this?" Summer asked.

A chorus of "yeah" and "yes" erupted from the kids around her. Summer turned to Dewey.

"You've got your entertainment, Mr. Finn. Now, where will you be taking her?“

Dewey's eyes widened. “Um.... where?"

"You don't have a place in mind, do you?“ Summer asked seeming more unsurprised than he'd like her to have been.

"Well... no, I haven't really gotten to that point yet..." Dewey answered.

"What are you going to wear?“ Billy asked.

"Um....“

"Please tell me you've got other clothes than what you've been wearing the past year in your closet."

"Well...“

Billy rolled his eyes. "Oh no. There's no way you're wearing any of those tacky excuses for outfits Thursday night. I'll work on something for you.“

The thought of wearing one of Billy's "creative" outfits in front of Rosalie was a nightmare.

"Thanks Billy, but you really dont have-“

"Mr. Finn, are you going to propose?“ Shanell asked, distracting him from Billy. He was completely caught off guard.

"Well... I mean, we've only been dating a few months." Dewey stammered

"No way! Dewey probably can't afford the ring." Freddie cut in.

"I have the ring!“ Dewey blurted out a bit frustratedly. He realized quickly that that was a big mistake. Every eye was on him now, and there a warmth spread vigorously across his cheeks. He just stood there frozen, looking at them all.

"Are you going to propose then?“ Shenell inquired almost squealing.

"I-I didn't say that... Guys, we've only been going out a few months, and I don't even know that this relationship is going to last... I mean I'd like to believe she would want to... marry me...." He looked down at his hands as his fingers fidgeted. "But I just don't know that it's realistic right now..." He looked back up at them. "Regardless I want Thursday night to be special... very special... for her."

"Then we've got your back Mr. Finn." Summer announced with a smile.

Dewey's gaze cut to her in surprise.

"We'll handle the location, the food, and of course the music. You two just have a good time."

"What?“ Dewey stammered.

"Yeah!" Katie cut in. "If we can put together performances, we can definitely handle a date!"

"Guys, I'm only asking for you to perform." Dewey was getting a little overwhelmed now.

"Kind of hard to perform with no location." Summer pointed out with her arms crossed.

Dewey tried to say something, but realized he couldn't argue. She had a point.

"Y-you guys really want to do this?“ He asked.

"Of course we do, Mr. Finn." Tamika replied with a smile. The other students nodded and voiced their agreement.

Dewey felt a happiness and pride in the kids that they had given him mqny times before. It once again made him happy they were his. His excitement was renewed and his energy rising.

"Alright! Let's start with the song!" Dewey passed around the sheet music.

A few minutes later those familiar chords sounded throughout the room, and Dewey became more enthusiastic as he sang the lyrics. His opinion about song had completely changed it was perfect and perfectly Rosalie.

When they finished they moved onto their song for Battle of the Bands. Dewey had completely forgotten about his previous exhaustion. He laughed, and danced around playing his guitar even doing a short impromptu duel with Zack. Everyone was working hard, but having fun with it, and in Dewey's mind, they couldn't be playing more perfectly.

Six O'clock came way too soon. The students packed up their things, and began to leave. Dewey waved goodbye to them. Now that practice had ended though, he started feeling rough again. The exhaustion was setting in fast as he watched his students leave. There were only two left, along with their parents, in the room when he turned to grab his bag. Everything started to go dark. He panted and bent over.

"Mr. Finn?“ He heard Summer call his name, but it sounded far away now. He fell to the ground, and a sharp pain shot up his shoulder. The last thing he saw was Summer running toward him, and looking very concerned just before everything went black.

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