#yeah I guess I really am

[starflungwaddledee]

happy birthday. you are so, so loved

#important to me. personally. that he knows this. #just one out of six million identical waddle dees but as irreplaceable as your own heart #anyway............... just in case you were wondering i am still and always will be really unnormal about him #sorry for getting sappy on main...!!! i just think he deserves the world.... #bandana waddle dee #meta knight #king dedede #waddle dee #magolor #kirby #starstruck dee #yeah i snuck her in there. what of it #my art #my comics #i ended up leaving the dialogue off but still technically it's a comic i guess

[amartyrforme]

Am I really going to revive this ancient artifact of an account? Solely because I have too many feelings about a show to not consume as much fan-created media and express my deepest loves for the topic in which we are consuming?

#yeah I guess I really am #I finally watched Castlevania season 4 #and even though I truly have no care for 3D animation that shit was beautiful #hype for the spin-off series to be released #mich says shit

[super-nowa-art]

guess who got to whole cake island

#art #digital art #fanart #one piece #artist #one piece fanart #artists on tumblr #sanji #um yeah so i am in shambles #i knew it would be bad #but y'all it's REALLY BAD #sanji just...full on crying....i can't bear to see my babygirl like that #i guess this might be a bit #zosan #idk though i mostly just want sanji to get the damn hug he deserves #the gayness is secondary #also luffy literally facing an entire army for sanji i will go so feral over that you don't even KNOW

[corantus]

so i'd already posted abt this but throughout the last part of may and most of june i was out of work because of a leg injury. when i started working again they cut my hours down to 1 shift a week, i've asked for more shifts and gotten stonewalled. im applying for other jobs but uhh. it's not going great

i thought i was going to be ok this month but a short term gig i was depending on fell through and now i'm $700 short on rent and i have another $130 in bills coming

i've basically exhausted all my options trying to get govt assistance and selling plasma and shit. ive gotten into debt that will take me years to climb out of. maybe it's kind of a lost cause to try fundraising this down to the wire but i dont rly know what else to do

tldr i'm in a really bad spot. my commissions are still open, donate if you want, boosts sincerely appreciated

#what do i say really. i hate airing my shit out on social media so much. sorry #i know i was already ebegging last month and im very grateful to everyone whos helped me out #at least this time around i am actually able to work i guess #i can provide proof if need be. just uhh yeah

[stergeon]

enbarr, sometime in 1186:

ok so @frozenartscapes made this addition to my post about byleth and edelgard writing each other letters all the time, right:

well i kind of lost my mind and now we're here.

i'm sure this meeting is salvageable :0) hubert's sanity, however,

#fire emblem #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #fe16 #edeleth #byleth eisner #edelgard von hresvelg #edelgard #byleth x edelgard #three houses #sterge.pptx #long post warning #haven't drawn comics in a good while lol #i guess it's good practice for hourly comic day this week #really hope this makes any sense and is remotely legible #i have yet to figure out how to get stuff to look half-decent when shrunk down for tumblr #boy i sure am glad i gave byleth emotions in my fic so i can have her make the dumbest expressions known to mankind #my half-baked Lore Reason is that she's not used to using her facial muscles yet so every expression is Extreme #there's no justification for why edelgard is like this. it's just funny #yeah it's all ooc but i'm a dyke with a pencil and i can do whatever i want

[garnet-xx-rose]

It will always bug me that Christine died relatively young, outlived by Raoul and seemingly the Phantom. Even without LND, she’s dies like late 50s, early 60s. And yeah people didn’t live long back in the day, but she was a wealthy woman who I’m sure had the resources to live a longer life than others.

There’s so many characters that are alive and kicking that are around the same age that Christine died: The managers, Madame Giry, the music conductor, the old owner. So I don’t buy that it’s just “old age”.

She should’ve been in her 80s, the last one out of the three, giving cryptic interviews to the press on “The Strange Affair of the Phantom of The Opera”. She should’ve been a consultant on movies based on the tragedy and fuck with the directors so nobody ever knows the real truth.

How is it that the center of this massive story was never able to share her POV? She doesn’t live long enough to tell her story and instead we have to figure it out based on the perspectives of the men who loved her but also never fully understood her.

#phantom of the opera #christine daae #erik/christine #poto #raoul/christine #Like yeah I know why we never really get her POV but its also kinda frustrating #But I guess thats the point #Given the time period she was stuck in and the society she was around #But it also makes me sad #these are random thoughts at 1 am

[kaiserouo]

Well someone has to give it its driver updates, Gabriel

#driver design and development ft. gabriel #why do i keep making gabriel look like a tech nerd? #idk don't ask me #but come on they're robots they don't need just blood right??? #ramble time #i don't know what i am doing about that rendering and that's all i'm gonna say about this topic #i don't really play ultrakill anymore #apex + d2 take most of my playing time i simply don't play any other games #their idea list was never empty tho #i like their contrast i guess #they can have a lot of argument #that tends to make coming up dialogues easy #yeah #i don't know why i ramble this much #maybe just because i don't really have the chance per se #but i really seldom do ultrakill stuff now #ultrakill followers best time to unfollow starts now #ultrakill #ultrakill v1 #ultrakill gabriel #my art

[dizzybizz]

😀 i love setting out to draw 1 character multiple times but ending up drawing multiple characters 1 time instead 😀 i love it so much 😀

#honestly the qi rong is still my fav.... first one i did.. its jsut so yummy to me ok #the he xuan too.. other two can go fuck off for all i care #i only care for the left side of this canvas #also i feel like i channeled my mbj design while trying to draw he xuan 😔 i cant help it--- like theyre both nonhumans with black n blue #color schemes in my head and.. yeah.. imean he xuan is water and mobei-jun is ice it makes sense in my mind #but also imagining that he xuan design absolutely tearing into food is cracking me up.. i just need to draw him enjoying a nice meal fr.. #tian guan ci fu #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #the four calamities #qi rong #hua cheng #he xuan #bai wuxiang #my art #me @ everyone: you get long pointy ears 🥰🥰🥰. (gets to bwx) ... not you tho 🥰🥰🥰 #i should draw every tgcf i want to so bad #you will never guess who my favs are i am so not predictable i am so unpredictable you would never see it coming you would never guess im s #i feel like i havent done a lot of tgcf posting on here tho.... . i mean my initial hyperfixation on it was last year i believe?? #but i never really stopped thinking about adghasdhgahdjhafa

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

You know what!?!?!

I don’t want to see Cody before TBB finale

Why? You might ask

Well it’s because of the overwhelming sense of dread that has been growing within me the closer we get to the end

If he isn’t there…then he can’t be harmed and I can live in blissful ignorance

#echo’s return really made me rethink my hopes for this show #every week ive been like where’s echo where is he #but now he’s back and i am SCARED #im so scared for him now #and ive realized that i should just not want my faves to ever show up #because when the writers forget about them #then they are SAFE #if i never see cody again then he is SAFE #he’s living with a sad old desert hermit on tatooine for all I know #and as long as they don’t tell me otherwise there’s no proof he isn’t #…yeah #cody is safe #as long as he’s not on screen #….yeah #be careful what you wish for I guess #ahhhhh #star wars #the bad batch #the bad batch season 3 spoilers #tbb season 3 spoilers #tbb season three #commander cody #tbb cody #tcw cody #tbb echo #codywan #sorry for the small spam i had a lot of sw thoughts i needed to dump out #i promise this is my last tbb rant for now…maybe #kate's post

[noritaro]

good night gamers

#puss in boots death #nori art #idk what to say for myself #on one hand im down bad so yeah #on another this is just practice #and another i found out my ideal posting time on Twitter and this is just to test that #anyways its 12 am i should sleep auhhfhshsj #also probably weird?? considering i never really post art regarding it #but i really like colouring midriffs #they're very?? shaped idfk #tw suggestive #i guess????

[pikkish]

I thought it was hilarious, at first, that everyone’s decided Doomguy is still the protagonist of MyHouse.wad. After all, it doesn’t really have much more to do with Doom than gmod has to do with Half-Life 2. But then I remembered, isn’t that a plot point of Doom II? Visiting the burnt out ruins of your hometown on your way to the portal to Hell? Why couldn’t Doomguy take a few minutes to have a nightmare of an emotional journey in a childhood friend’s home to come to terms with everyone and everything he ever loved being destroyed?

#doom #myhouse.wad #lines i did #just to be clear i still do think its very funny that its been unanimously decided that dg is the protagonist of myhouse.wad #man has been fighting demons for thirty years and what does he get for his thirtieth birthday? more demons #except this time theyre mental and emotional demons #myhouse.wad does deserve all the popularity its getting tho #like.. yeah its amazing in its atmosphere n stuff #but its also nuts on a purely technological level #stepped inside the house the first time and just had to stop for a sec bc is that a hecking. BASEMENT?? a SECOND FLOOR in CLASSIC DOOM???? #that shouldnt even be POSSIBLE. #(i mean. it obviously IS possible w clever use of various teleport effects. but still. it was a bit of a :O !!!!!!! moment) #setting a ridiculously high bar right off the bat and then following through for the rest of the game in meeting it #anyway. it was really good. #i guess in this case the good end would be more of a metaphorical/mental state? #being at peace internally as u go to voluntarily enter the depths of hell... #or something like that; anyway. idk man i am still just going :eyes: at the whole thing

[ivoryghostyy]

「 image isn't mine. sourced from pinterest. 」

「 this was supposed to be a re-vamp of "love bite" but, well, i guess i got a bit too carried away. this one's pretty long, so have fun! 」

「 tw: possessive behaviour, swearing, non-consensual biting, mentions of blood, mentions/implications of violence — read with caution. 」

"don't touch that!"

crash!

"oops. :("

"oops? that's all you have to say- don't give me that look."

":("

"fuck you."

"ohhh, i like the sound of that-"

you groan in frustration, rubbing your throbbing temple. pieces of a broken flower pot lie carelessly on the tiled floor—a flower pot that was meant to house your newly grown Daffodils if someone could keep his hands to himself.

he frowns at your distress, snaking an arm over your shoulders to pull you in. his free hand rests snugly on the small of your back. right where it belongs.

"i'm sorry, sweetheart. i'll get you a new one, okay?"

you shake your head, making your way through the array of potted plants within your shop. once your hand grasps the familiar wooden handle of your broom, you reply.

"no. it's alright. i can just order another one; it wasn't that expensive, anyway."

he hums, looking through his phone. at this point, you know he hadn't listened to a single word you said. he's been your closest friend for years. by now, he's probably-

"i got you a new set. they'll arrive in a few days. is that alright, honey?"

-already ordered another one. actually, he ordered more. you don't even need that many pots right now! you can feel another headache settling in.

"okay, whatever. what are you doing here, anyway?"

you sweep up the sad pieces of the flower pot, sending your Daffodils an apologetic look. 'i'm so sorry, my babies. i'll get you a new home soon, i promise.'

he watches the exchange, eyes squinting. you're no stranger to the look. you've seen it more times than you could count on two hands.

or, well, you assume that was the case. you're not really counting-

while you're cleaning his mess, the man in question leans idly on the counter.

'how strange,' he muses. he's seen the way you coddled your.. shrubs. for the last time, they're not shrubs!

maybe you were unknowingly born with the ability to talk to plants? or you simply have some form of connection with your babies, as you liked to call them.

or perhaps you've simply lost your mind ages ago, so you've convinced yourself that the shrubs- they aren't shrubs!!

-sorry, the not-shrubs could communicate.

wait, did you talk in his head?

you ignore his sudden confusion, opting to mourn over the loss of a perfectly good pot. fly high. you will be missed. after dumping the broken pot, you turn back to the insufferable man.

"you didn't really answer my question."

"what? am i not allowed to visit my favorite florist?"

"mind you, i am the only florist you know. besides, you're too busy to pay any unnecessary visits."

he laughs, muscles flexing as he pushes off the counter.

"alright, you got me. so you remember when i told you that i've found her?."

her? oh! he means his, uh, what did he call it? ah, right. his destined pair. pfft, that sounds cheesy as hell. why can't he be normal and say he fell in love?

"yeah? are you going to man up and tell her? you've been dancing around it for years; you haven't even introduced me yet!"

with a snort, he crosses his arms.

"well, sorry. i don't really find the need to introduce you."

eh? you take personal offense to that!

with a dramatic gasp, you clench the fabric of your top, right where your heart is.

"i've been your best friend for this long, dealing with your stupid ass for years, but you won't tell me who the love of your life is? i see how it is."

he smiles, "i.. don't think we'll still be friends after i tell you.."

what?

"don't tell me, is it my sworn enemy!? i can't believe you would settle for that-"

he denies it immediately, face scrunching in disgust.

"absolutely not. i would sooner choose to marry a horse."

you crack up at that, clutching your stomach as you laugh.

his eyes soften with a small grin. sometimes, he wonders what he'd done to deserve you.

you, with eyes that light up every time you see him. with that smile stretching your lips into a carefree curve; delighted and so full of life. you fill his heart with an immeasurable amount of love. if only you know what you do to him.

everything about you is so perfect. you're mesmerizing. you're his everything.

but he's not the only one.

just thinking of all the eyes who've dared to look at you..

his smile falls.

if only he could gauge their eyes out; or better yet, he could keep you all to himself. he'd mark you as his own, give you everything you could ever want or need. it isn't hard for him to do as he pleased.

but at what cost? you wouldn't be happy. you would hate him. but worst of all, he would hurt you.

and he couldn't hurt you. never.

and yet, as he watched a customer—another man—flirt with you, he couldn't help but rethink his choices. would it be better for him to take you, after all?

his eyes darken.

you're stuck.

after you had closed the shop, you were forced down.

he held your trembling wrists, firmly pressing them against the counter. 'his hands are cold,' you noted, breath hitching as he stared you down.

"look, i know i said 'fuck you' earlier, but i didn't mean for you to actually do so-"

"shut up."

you did.

he was mad, you could tell. frustrated, even.

why? did you do something wrong? were you being too mean earlier? did he find the secret stash of snacks you've been hiding from him-

you squeak when he hauls you up by the waist, fully lying you against the wide counter instead of the previous awkward position.

"w-wait, seriously, we can talk about this-"

you're cut off when he grips your chin, roughly forcing your eyes to meet his own.

"you know i don't like it when you avoid my eyes."

he's only an inch away from your face; his stare holds an intense wave of emotions. they swirl within his eyes, almost unreadable to you—but one stands out.

you lean your forehead against his, facing him head on. you don't avoid his eyes. you're not scared of looking directly at him, even in this situation. that might be another one of the reasons why he's fallen so hard.

"why're you hurting?"

his eyes crinkle as he grins. such a sweet human. no matter the circumstance, you never lose your heart. do you not find him threatening? he stares at the guilty little twinkle in your eyes. how can one be so cute.

you're not making this any easier for him, are you? he can barely control himself as is.

your eyes catch a glint, honing onto his sharp fangs.

what-

"ah, the cat's out of the bag."

his voice sends shivers down your spine, and unconsciously, you move back.

he doesn't allow it, however, as he guides you closer. his fingers draw up your leg, leaving a trail of heat despite the contrasting temperature of his hand.

he stops at your thigh, pulling it up to his hip.

he's so fucking close.

"i can feel you shaking, sweetheart. are you scared?"

you shake your head, but he's already caught the traces of fear that linger on your features.

"lying is a sin, love. weren't you the one who taught me that?"

the next moment is a blur.

he leans down, fangs poking the skin of your neck. dread settles into the pit of your stomach. the fear comes after; and then the panic sets in.

but it's already too late.

you whimper, biting your lip to distract you from the pure, unadulterated pain. your trembling hands find their way to the back of his shirt, tightly clutching the fabric.

you don't even realize that you're crying until he rubs your cheek, and you feel the tears sliding against your skin.

his fangs sink deeper, and the agonizing pain melts away, replaced with a growing heat in your abdomen. you stifle a moan, the metallic taste of your blood lingering on your bitten lip.

he keeps you against the counter, a hand tracing circles on your waist. suddenly, you're not scared anymore. your heart beats erratically, but you find nothing out of place. in fact, everything feels right.

a headache surfaces, and you groan into his shoulder as he pulls away. a drop of blood trails down your neck, but he licks it off. you shiver, feeling hyperaware of every movement.

he smiles at your dazed state. he rubs your head, pulling you closer when you bury yourself in his chest, nuzzling into his embrace.

his eyes trail down to the mark on your neck, and he grins with pride; kissing your temple.

you'll probably be mad when you're not dazed anymore..

no matter, he'll make it up to you later. right now, he can't wait to take you home.

#kinda fluff #fluff? #scenarios #random scenarios #vampire #vampire x reader #possessive yandere #yandere? #soft yandere #yeah idk #i dont know what i am doing #tw noncon #bite me #long post #long reads #but really #seriously #shook #sorry not sorry #not smut #sorry i guess

[humming-fly]

The kirby cafe descriptions for every single one of Meta Knight’s themed items are bizarrely personal but this one in particular made me laugh enough that I woke up in the middle of the night to scrawl out this shitpost

#meta knight is convinced it's important #i've happily progressed to the stage where i am making art purely for myself that no one else will find funny #this is where i thrive #originally was gonna do the tomato till i learned MK canonically survives off nothing but sugar and caffeine #fr the cafe descriptions are Really funny especially because everything else has totally normal names/descriptions #oh yeah happy meta monday i guess #thank god it's not a work day lmao #meta knight #kirby #waddle dee #comic #my art #doodles #fair warning the wiki makes you so insanely hungry i wanna go to that cafe so baaad #katfl

[clowningaroundmars]

no mike, chuck will NOT be falling for your cutesy puppy dog act THIS time!!

#motorcity #mike chilton #chuck motorcity #muckles #mine #what is chuck mad at mike for this time?? #YOU DECIDE! #mike fucks up on a near daily basis so honestly it could be anything #and chuck probably warned him and was 100% right as per usual lol #awww yeah babey we're really in deep now! #im a die hard mucklehead #look #i drew a cutesy comic about them #i am officially indoctrinated into the club :) #also if you can guess which meme im kinda referencing in the last panel i wub u #heres a golden sticker if you get it → ⭐️

[utilitycaster]

I just want to say, that I agree with almost all of your Critical Role takes and you have 1000% better and more nuanced takes than all of Twitter and I greatly appreciate it! The takes over there regarding Liliana and the gods are just wild and you bring some much needed sanity to the content I see

Thanks! I hope you don't mind because I've been thinking about this re: the Twitter takes but the thing about Twitter and Liliana specifically that I've seen is that there's this really bizarre fetishization of like, the fact that she is a (white) southerner (this also weirdly happened for Birdie though to a much lesser extent, and the person who spearheaded that wasn't even American so I have to assume this is a specific corner of Twitter Culture At Large). And like, here's the thing. It's true that fantasy tends to be very British in its accents, and it's also true that accents in a fantasy world are used to convey the same things we'd assume in our world - RP British for educated, southern American for rural, Cockney for rougher types, etc.

It's also true that laying the exact socioeconomic parallels from our world onto, say, Liliana and Orym (who reads to me as non-regional but I, like Liam, am from the Northeast originally) is a recipe for disaster. Or rather, it's not, but it is going to reaffirm your own biases, some of which are dangerous to reaffirm.

There was a popular post on Tumblr a while back, probably not long after Trump was elected, of someone talking about how they were convincing a relative with the confederate flag towards socialism by appealing to the idea of "isn't in unfair how uneven wealth distribution is and how a small group has so much control" and a number of people were rightfully like "uh, maybe you should focus on the racism" or "hey OP ask your relative who they think that small group in control is because I'm getting a really bad feeling they're going to say it's The Jews." And I feel that a lot of the empathy for Liliana from those spaces feels like that OP. Or in other words: I get that you see your relatives in Liliana. Unfortunately, I cannot help but see me and mine in Orym.

You see someone trapped by circumstance and desperation in a dangerous ideology. I see the fact that I haven't gone to a synagogue in easily 6-7 years without there being a security guard present and usually, the doors locked with someone looking through the window to let you in, and then in the sanctuary there's been an installation so that you can quickly bar all the doors in case an alarm goes off or you hear shots in the lobby.

I think there's a great case for seeing yourself in Imogen, who is in a painful struggle with the fact that her mother does love her very much but is in dangerously deep and has done a number of incredibly terrible and harmful things. That latter point is important, incidentally; I get that cult members sometimes rise through the ranks but all but the leader are being manipulated. But the fact remains that a brainwashed person can still commit atrocities, and in this story, they have, many times over. It's especially true because like...sure, plenty of people are like "I lost my relative to a cult and I just want them back and I couldn't harm them," but also, as we've seen, this cult can and will harm Imogen! Plenty of people are also like "yeah I gotta cut them off, it hurts but unfortunately my horribly bigoted and violent relative, while a victim of brainwashing, is a threat to me too." It's not even the full picture of the Temult side of things, let alone the picture that includes the Vanguard's victims.

I also think the Southern gatekeeping is unhinged because it's like. guys there's QAnon members and other cults across the country; the Confederate flag example above was actually notable in that OP wasn't even Southern so you couldn't even write the flag off as deeply misguided heritage but rather was explicitly being used as a hate symbol. It's awfully presumptive to assume all southerners have the same experience (especially since the Temults are portrayed, physically and in accents, as white southerners, not that the experiences of white southerners aren't also incredibly varied). It's awfully presumptive to assume that people find Liliana threatening because they have no personal experience with people like her; often, it's because they have all too real experience with people like her, and it says something even worse about you if you can say "but you guys, I see me and my family in Liliana" when people are telling you that they see them and their families in Orym. I would not, personally, publicly admit that one's empathy extends to the people who remind you of your family but runs out before it reaches their victims. Nor would I publicly admit that I assume everyone who disagrees with me clearly has never had personal experience with this topic.

I should also note that, as I've noted a number of times before, that these are fictional characters and not real people. Twitter seems to be really fucking bad at grasping that. Like, yes, this is the other thing; I do not think that OP should kill their Confederate flag-toting relative, whereas if Imogen did so to Liliana I'd be like "hell yeah." The former is a real person who I do hope gets deprogrammed, just, you know, maybe adjust those priorities; the latter is a fictional character in a story.

#answered #anonymous #if steel had a southern accent do you think people would feel differently about her? sound off in the comments i guess. #cr spoilers #it really is like. with the people who can't separate characters from real people...there's this assumption #that everyone who doesn't agree with them lacks the same experiences or is bigoted #don't like liliana? well it's because you're not southern. don't like laudna? it's because you're neurotypical and straight and hate women. #notice how none of these carry within them any argument within the text? notice how they just rely on the assumption #that you can only understand things through direct personal experience and not like...thought and empathy? #that if you fit certain demographics you obviously Will hold these exact opinions bc clearly all nd people or wlw are a monolith? #it's like. yeah man i see why you have more sympathy for the vanguard than their victims...you think like a cultist even if you're not one #you say There's Those Who Understand And Have The Mandate of Heaven Because We're (southern or nd or queer or whatever) #and then there's Them The Ones Who Don't Get It And Never Will Bc They're Not Like Us (even though plenty of times...they are) #anyway. as always i am sorry that twitter sucking hurts the careers of countless creatives #but i think it does foster this sort of no-nuance no-argument Me First thinking so. can't be too sorry. #long post

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk