#y’all just don’t have that experience of being constantly outcasted and it’s shows | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ambersky0319 · 4 years

Note

Idea: Intrulogical fusion, completely in sync despite being a fusion of Remus and Logan. But Virgil and Patton didn't like it. Virgil because, It's Remus. He shouldn't be with a lightside. Patton because it makes him feel like he failed Logan, after all, hes eith Remus. So they force them apart. But, their roles are switched. Logan looks like King George III, but he has shackles & broken crown. Remus looks like your stereotypical mad scientist. They have no memory of who they once were. -Rayne

I had a lot of fun with this- also I decided to draw Macabre! It also ended up being longer than I intended. I hope y’all enjoy this!

Pairings : Intrulogical, Background Roceit

Warnings : Unsympathetic Patton, Morally gray but also pretty Unsympathetic Virgil (I mean, he feels somewhat regretful of what he does at the end-), Fusion, blood and pain mentions, if I need to add anything else please let me know!

Masterpost

—————————–

It started off as something small- an idea that Remus had, which Logan was more than happy to try. They were just figments of imagination, after all, it’s not like it was an impossibility. And it took a lot longer than either side believed it should have taken, but they got there.

Logan and Remus fused.

When they first fused, they cried. Tears streamed down their cheeks as they hugged themselves because it just felt so incredible, so loving. They hadn’t even looked in a mirror yet, but it felt right, being together like this. They fell to the ground just hugging themselves, rocking back and forth. He wasn’t them, though, and both Logan and Remus knew that. They could feel that. And when he looked in the mirror, that’s when they fell apart.

Logan and Remus were choking back tears of their own as they held one another, crumpled on the floor of Logan’s room. Remus buried his face into Logan’s neck, grinning wide as he laughed almost hysterically.

“I can’t believe that worked!”

“I can’t believe how that felt.”

The silence stretched on for a moment as they collected themselves until Remus broke it, pulling away from Logan slightly. “I want to do it again.” He said, reaching up to play with Logan’s hair. “Can we do it again, Lolo?”

Logan smiled the softest Remus had ever seen him smile, and he nodded. “Yes, whoever that was, it felt great. I would do it a hundred times or more.”

Remus giggled before leaning in, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan’s lips before they fused once again.

And so, Morbidity was created.

Morbidity stayed hidden for a long while, and Remus and Logan felt strange each time they unfused. They felt lonely, more so than they had before fusing. Remus had correlated it to how Ruby felt when she and Sapphire unfused and Ruby had gone on that adventure. And Logan couldn’t agree more. Being Morbidity was intoxicating, because when he formed, neither felt lonely or unloved anymore. And Morbidity felt more love than when Logan and Remus spent time together unfused.

Morbidity just felt right.

Morbidity didn’t want to unfuse anymore. Logan and Remus didn’t want to be apart, not when they were constantly torn down and ignored. So they stopped unfusing, and Morbidity stayed in his room. His own room! He had been shocked when it had formed but felt overjoyed nonetheless. Because it meant he was a part of Thomas, a true part of him! But with the new room, that meant that the others would start to notice. And they did.

Macabre, the name Morbidity found he liked most when brainstorming, was peacefully watching a documentary about some of the worst crimes ever committed to date. He was fascinated with how the killers had gotten away with it for so long, and how all the evidence from the buckets of blood that had needed cleaning up to the finest of hairs left behind all played a roll in solving the cases. He was writing a novel, a murder mystery, and wanted it to be as exciting and puzzling as possible. So research was needed.

That’s when his door was opened, no one knocking as it slammed against the wall. Macabre flinched at the sound, finally looking away from his television and notebook littered with notes and random, horrific doodles.

Standing there was Roman, stunned when he saw Macabre, dual-colored eyes staring into his green ones. “Um…”

Then Patton peered over his shoulder, confusion flashing across his face. “A new side?”

Macabre laughed, and it sounded like glass shattering. “Not a new side, Patty-cake. Merely an experiment gone extremely well!” Macabre stood, stretching and hearing his bones pop and feeling the pins and needles in his feet creeping up his legs. How long had it been since he last got up? He made a mental note to set a timer so that his limbs wouldn’t fall asleep like this again.

“…. Experiment?”

“Who are you?”

“What are you?”

Macabre frowned only slightly, fixing his glasses. “I’m Morbidity! I would say it’s great to finally introduce myself, but I believe your facial expressions aren’t the proper reactions one would want.

"And I was an experiment. Not one any longer, though! Remus and Logan sure enjoyed doing them. Maybe I should try it out too!”

“You’re behind Logan disappearing?!” Virgil’s voice raised a few octaves as he started on at the fusion. Macabre crossed his arms, now frowning completely.

“I’m not behind anything. And Logan didn’t disappear. Not completely.”

“What does that even mean?”

It seemed Roman knew the answer to Patton’s question, though, because he broke from his daze to answer. “Correct me if I’m wrong, Morbidity, but you’re a fusion.”

Macabre smiled. “Right you are, Roman! Oh, I knew you would remember. Remus didn’t think you would, but I knew you would.” He clapped his hands together, once.

“What’s he talking about Roman?” Virgil asked.

Roman only briefly looked at Virgil, offering a small, half-hearted shrug. “Remus brought up the idea one time that maybe sides could fuse. I just brushed it off, but it was definitely one of his good ideas.” He turned back to Macabre. “So… You’re a fusion of Remus and Logan?”

“Morbid Creativity and Logic sure go quite well together, don’t you think? Both always ignored, finding that they are the outcasts of their supposed families, and finding love in one another. It really shouldn’t be a surprise that they got along so well.”

“Wait wait wait, Logan fused with… With Remus?” Patton looked absolutely horrified.

“Well, they were dating for a year before they made me. But yes.”

“They were together?!”

“It really isn’t hard to believe, Patton.” Macabre glanced at his nails, painted as though they were dipped into blood. “Now, unless you three are interested in watching this documentary with me, can I get back to work?”

“We still have-”

“What are you working on?” Roman cut off Virgil, approaching Macabre. He shot Virgil and Patton a slight glare when they tried to protest. Because he could feel the anger and frustration, and even the panic radiating off the pair. “If you two even think of pushing Morbidity to talk, by the way, I’ll let Thomas know why I actually chose to go to the wedding.”

That sent the pair off, and Roman sat down with Macabre, the door closing. If this is what Remus and Logan wanted, to be together like this, then Roman would support it. He wasn’t in any place to judge though, considering just this morning he and Deceit had attempted to do the same.

It suddenly became very different around the Mind Palace, what with Macabre (or Copypasta’ as Roman and Deceit had taken to calling him after seeing Macabre’s love of creepypasta) having introduced himself to Thomas not long after the others had ventured into his room.

Thomas didn’t really mind Macabre, while he sometimes felt uncomfortable by the insane amount of violent knowledge he had, knowing about certain chemicals and their reactions to drinks was definitely helpful when attending bars. Especially when his drink shifted in color just slightly, and Thomas knew not to drink, because Macabre had remembered a case where someone had drugged their date. And Macabre got along with Deceit and Roman just fine(though the two still hadn’t come out yet).

Patton and Virgil, though? They were furious. They were absolutely livid that Logan would even agree to ever fuse with Remus. Logan deserved better than Remus, in their eyes.

They fueled one another, Virgil and Patton. They fueled the negative thoughts towards Macabre. He shouldn’t exist. He should have never existed in the first place. Logan was too good for Remus. What could Remus possibly offer that Logan would want, anyway, that Logan didn’t already have? The others had been working on showing their appreciation of Logan. Virgil and Patton had worked on not cutting him off, and Virgil had tried listening to him a bit more. Patton had stopped laughing at a few jokes Roman made about Logan.

And then there was Remus. The imbalance of negative and positive ideas was weird. Because Macabre wasn’t intrusive, not to the extent Remus had been. Now, Remus’s gruesome ideas were rationalized or internalized, suppressed in Macabre until he could jot down the idea and either write or draw the thought. Everything just felt wrong.

So they devised a plan, about three weeks after Macabre had been found by them.

Virgil had been horrified by Patton’s idea at first, listening reluctantly as Patton explained to him how to split a side. Because even if Virgil hated Macabre being together, and didn’t like Remus, he still remembered what the split had done to the twins. And he worried how that would affect Remus, going through another split. But Patton persuaded him, claiming that if all the facts that Thomas knew were tainted, were bad, then Thomas was a bad person. And Thomas couldn’t be a bad person, he just couldn’t. So Virgil agreed.

He doesn’t remember it much, though. He purposely forgot Macabre’s scream as he was quite literally torn apart. Virgil blocked the image of Macabre’s agonized face from his mind, keeping it a blurred memory that could have been a dream. He felt sick at the thought that he did it, but the idea that Logan would come back was enough to keep him from stopping.

Patton though was completely unfazed.

However, they didn’t get the outcome they had wanted.

Remus and Logan had indeed been split, that much was clear. But they weren’t Remus and Logan, not the ones that Patton and Virgil wanted.

They were pushed out of the way by Roman and Deceit, who had finally broken into the room that Virgil and Patton had sealed off. It looked so incredibly wrong, and to say Deceit and Roman were angry would be an understatement. They were bursting with rage as Logan and Remus finally stopped whimpering, the pain no longer overwhelming them. They cradled the two sides, all the while having a shouting match with Patton, Virgil making no attempt to defend his actions.

Roman held his brother tightly, though Remus only blinked at him in confusion, and once Deceit and Roman had stopped arguing with Virgil and Patton, they had turned their attention to the two sides, taking them in. The guilty pair sunk out to their own rooms, leaving Roman and Deceit with the new Logan and Remus.

Though they didn’t even know Logan and Remus were their names.

—————————–

Taglists

Just ask if you wish to be added, removed, or tagged/not tagged in certain content!

TS Taglist

@treasureofpriam @theloveliestsweetspongy @tacochippy @anderswrites @romanknite @0beansprout0 @random-fandom-dragon @daflangstlairde @princerhubarb @that-one-ts-artist @heyitsmeimjustkindahere @aromanticandaromatic @deliciouslycrookedme @batpinkstudentpersona @avocados26 @fandomloverangel @red-eyes88 @adarkgreensoul @analogicallythinking @thatreallyawkwardpotato @insanegoldie2 @gothams-lil-sweet-potato-pie @alexkittycat1 @len-art-trash @faithyfander @an-absolute-failure @lexilucacia @o-hello-its-me @fearthesmolpotato @moxiety-my-love @thatonenerdphotographer @diadems-arewornon-capita @morrogirl9024 @thefandomnerd15 @sulphur-and-honey @aroaceagenderfluid @yalltookmyurlideas @sidesareathing @surohsopsisofclouds @dissappropriation @demigodbookdragon @too-many-fandoms89 @a-soul-among-the-stars @croftersgamer @thenaiads @theyluna-womoon

Intrulogical Taglist

@cress-the-fander @worm-does-shit @enby-ralsei @jadedmidnight @virgilisacinnamonroll @ohgeneralmygeneral @asthmatic-trash-bastard @remusownsmyuwus @alexinthebathroomataparty @diadems-arewornon-capita @the-bethanista @yalltookmyurlideas @demigodbookdragon @theunknoen @theyluna-womoon

422 notes · View notes

cutelittlestar · 4 years

Text

Lone Wolf: Chapter 1 || Peter Parker x Reader

Pairings: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary of the Series: You were given the ability to transform into a wolf, but you’re unfortunately captured and experimented on by a cynical madman. Despite being saved by the Avengers and given a place to call home, you’re still having a difficult time grasping onto the basic concepts of being human. However, everything changes when you met a boy, Peter Parker. Slowly but surely, he helps you on your path to recovery –showing you that all you needed was love and patience.

Word Count: 4.3k

*gifs are not mine*

Warnings: injury, mentions of death and pain, kidnapping, physical and mental abuse, torture, MATURE CONTENT, 18+.

A/N: Hey y’all! I hope you guys are safe and well :) Thank you to everyone who supported me in deciding to write this story, I’m so glad there are people out there willing to read my work (ngl, it still baffles me lol). Anyways, I hope you enjoy this, and lmk if you guys want more!! Although I’m already writing a series at this moment, I wouldn’t mind squeezing in another; however, this might mean that I’ll post the chapters a bit later than expected. Hope y’all understand 💕❤️

There was once a time where you freely roamed the remote wilderness, and you called it home; the soft chirping of the birds in the morning eased your mind, the calm flow of the river was music to your ears, and the beautiful green scenery was your protection. You had decided long ago to leave your pack, knowing it was for the best; you were the outcast of the group, and they constantly mistreated you for it, deciding that your life was less meaningful than theirs. The emotional, mental, and physical abuse you endured was too much to handle, so one night, when your pack was soundly sleeping, you left without a trace, never looking back. Ever since you became a lone wolf, your life became considerably better and worth living for; at first, it was difficult to realize, but then you began to learn the secrets of the woods, and it taught you that all life was precious. You deeply cherished this thought, never letting it go. The wilderness was your guardian and you were its child. However, it was all gone in a blink of an eye, and the sacred memories you once had were burned to ashes, along with your home.

Men of greed, power, and corruption immediately disrupted your sanction, and they destroyed everything in their path without remorse. You were too scared and weak to fight them off, so you decided to run away. However, despite how hastily you fled, you were quickly surrounded. There was barely any time for you to attack as the soldiers in black gear immediately used their weapons, electrocuting you as many times as they could; you howled in pain, but they mercilessly continued, ignoring your screams before ultimately subduing you. You thrashed around in the dirt, attempting to escape, but your body was slowly losing its strength, and you soon gave up; as your eyes were on the verge of closing, you faintly remembered a man walking towards you, a man who completely stood out from the rest. The man’s callous face was standing over you, and their void black eyes sent a shiver down your spine. A sinister grin stretched across his face, and that was the last thing you remembered before everything went dark.

You woke up and realized that you were laying on the cold floor; it was strange and terrifying to you, and you hoped that it was just a nightmare but you were wrong. As you tried to stand up, your body screamed in agony. You shivered in the darkness and realized that you shifted back to your human form. Panic started to grow by the second and you were terrified that the men would learn of your abilities, but it was already too late.

“You should be more careful of your surroundings, you never know who’s lurking in the dark,” an ominous voice announced, causing you to scoot back in fear. The lights were immediately turned on and you quickly covered your exposed body as a man stood in the middle of the room. You squinted your eyes, taking note of his features, and you immediately recognized him; he was the same man that stood over your body before you passed out. Despite your desire to rip his throat out, you were prohibited from doing because you were caged in a cell. You let out a menacing growl, but the man didn’t react.

“Let me go,” you ordered, but he merely chuckled, shaking his head.

“Oh Y/N,” the man scolded, and your eyes widened in shock, your body shaking. How did the man know your name? “I’m afraid I can’t do that.” The man’s callous eyes examined you, and he was content with himself, knowing that he was the one that managed to capture the infamous shapeshifter. You were so gullible, the man thought to himself; you actually believed you were safe in the woods. Your heart began to beat faster as you were horrified of the man’s calm yet intimidating demeanor; various situations ran through your head as you wondered what he was going to do to you, but you made a promise to yourself, declaring that you would remain strong.

“Let’s see if you're better than the other test subjects,” the man disclosed, walking closer towards you. He crouched down to the ground in order to look at your face, excited to see your reaction as he began to unveil his intentions. The threatening glare you tried to maintain utterly failed as you listened to his words, and your breathing got heavier. “I don’t want to kill another shifter, but if I must, I will,” the man whispered, a sinister smirk plastered on his face, pleased at your reaction. Tears threatened to fall down your face as you wondered if the man was speaking about your former pack, but you didn’t want to believe it.

“Once I get out of this cage, I’ll fucking rip your throat out,” you fumed. You ignored the pain that coursed through your body and jumped at the bars, hoping you would be able to injure him. Although your hand was centimeters away from his throat, the man didn’t flinch at your violent response. Instead, he simply stood up and took a step back. You watched as his eyes darken, but his face remained blank.

“You may think you’ll have the opportunity, but you never will; you’re going to rot in this cell for the rest of your life, Y/N. Don’t say things you’ll regret,” the man angrily declared. Your chest heavily rose and sank as his words stuck to you, but before you could say anything else, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your worst fears. What you didn’t realize at the moment was that he was right.

Ever since then, you endured horrible and excruciating pain; you were experimented on for a reason they did not explain. No matter how many times you tried to fight, whether by biting, kicking, scratching, hitting, and even killing, it only made things worse for you. After quite some time, it finally began to dawn on you that it was utterly useless to resist; you believed you were going to spend the rest of your life in this tiny cell, and there was nothing you could do. You allowed them to do damage to your body – either by letting them shove countless needles into your skin or allowing them to cut you in order to determine how long it took for you to heal. You endured draining and extensive trials, and you were forced to constantly shift back and forth – despite how many times you almost died due to your horrible conditions. You lost track of how long you’ve been kept in the cage, but as time progressed, your hope in escaping gradually disappeared. You regretted saying those words to him, but it was too late.

The damage was already done.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

You laid on the concrete floor in your wolf form, softly whimpering to yourself as you were engulfed in the darkness. The men were already gone, but you knew they would be back soon; in this moment of silence, you closed your eyes and attempted to think of your home but your mind remained blank. It was as if those precious memories were gone the minute the men arrived. You knew you could never retrieve them. You wanted to give up so badly, but you never allowed yourself to. While it seemed impossible to ever think that you could escape, you mercilessly clung onto the possibility. However, it wasn’t hope that motivated you. No, there was only one emotion that was capable of doing this: rage. Your hatred was the thing that kept you alive, and you constantly imagined all of the horrific actions you would commit if there was a chance of escaping.

The sound of footsteps disrupted your thoughts, and you immediately remained still and closed your eyes. The door was swung open, and you were able to recognize the two distinct smells that were attached to the men. The two men, Hughes and Perez, walked towards your cell, but you continued to remain frozen, hoping the men would think you were unconscious.

“Fucking hell, it smells like death,” Perez stated in disgust; the men now stood inches away from your cell, but they kept their distance, afraid you would attack them whenever you had the chance.

“Shut up,” Hughes whispered, “and step back from the cage–you have to be prepared–you never know if she’ll attack.”

Perez let out a laugh, amused at his partner’s remark. “She’s unconscious, you have nothing to be scared of. Look.” You mentally prepared yourself as you heard Perez get closer despite Hughes’ protests; he whipped out a taser baton and a blue light flickered. Within an instant, Perez angrily struck the baton down on your body, and a cynical smile formed on his lips as he enjoyed the way the electricity burned your fur and your skin. You bit your tongue down so hard that blood was drawn, and you wanted nothing more than to lunge at Perez and rip off his arm; yet, you didn’t move, thus, proving to Hughes that Perez was right.

“Tsar was right,” Perez announced, putting his baton back on his buckle, “there’s no reason for us to be afraid anymore.” You felt your heart beat faster as you finally heard the name given to the man. Tsar, such a typical title. After such a long time, you never believed you would have the power to laugh nor find happiness again, but at this moment, you wanted nothing more than to let out a chuckle; the man compared himself to monarchs and supreme rulers. What a joke. However, your desire to laugh quickly disappeared as you heard Perez continue speaking.

“Tsar already got what he needed from her. Sooner or later, we’ll be just as strong as her–perhaps even stronger. Can you imagine an army of shifters? The Avengers wouldn’t stand a chance. Now, it’s our time to shine, brother.” It felt as if your heart stopped beating in your chest, and it became more difficult for you to breathe; you were unable to grasp his words. An army of shifters? Was that why they experimented on you? Suddenly, everything made sense; they were going to use your DNA to make soldiers for war– soldiers who would have the ability to transform into a beast– and the thought utterly terrified you. While you’re not aware of who the Avengers are, you assumed they were in opposition to Tsar. However, it doesn’t suggest that the Avengers are good people–maybe they’re just competitors, striving to be at the top of the food chain.

In a blink of an eye, the two men were gone, and once again, you were left all alone. You wish you had the strength to fight off every man, but you knew it was impossible. If Perez was right, Tsar would soon have an army of shapeshifters, and they would be unstoppable. Unfortunately, there was nothing else you could do. Your time was up and it was already too late. He got what he needed from you, and soon, they would dispose of you like trash. You never expected to die like this; you always imagined yourself laying on a fresh patch of grass, next to the lilies, before you took your last dying breath. Tears ran down your face as you began to accept your fate. You would die in this small cell, never having the opportunity to see the sun again.

Yet, the relatively quiet room eased your mind, and in a mere second, you were able to conjure up a pleasing image; while it did not resemble your old home, it depicted a warming view of the ocean. As you imagined yourself standing on the shore, it felt as if the picture you created in your mind was coming to life. You could hear the waves of the ocean gently rocking, but off in the distance, you could hear another sound, a sound that did not fit the blissful scenery. Without warning, a massive explosion erupts, causing the ground to roughly shake, and you open your eyes in shock and fear. You bolted upright as you heard from distance men shouting obscenities and commands; the distant sirens began to wail, and they were coming closer to you. Your head began to hurt as the uncertainty teased your hopes, but you tried your hardest to remain composed. Gunshots and blasts came one after the other in rapid succession, and you then heard sounds of screams echo across the building, causing shivers to run down your spine. Footsteps were coming closer to where you were being held, but you didn’t know how to react; should you be relieved or should you be scared?

The door was instantly kicked down, its hinges falling as well, but the very first second that it happens, you’re confused; the light from the outside completely engulfs the room, and it turns you blind and disoriented for a slight moment. You’re able to see a figure standing in front of the door, but they did not move a single muscle. Things seem oddly calm, but you took a step back in fear, your tail cowardly hiding in between your legs. Your ears flattened down against your head, and you let out a soft whimper, petrified of what could happen next. The person was wearing an ominous suit, distinguishing itself from the men that held you captive, but as they tried to step closer, your instincts to protect yourself came out. Suddenly, your ears and your fur bristles are fully erect, and your lips curl back, your incisors displayed; despite still being in a cell, you let out a snarl, telling the person that if they came any closer, you would attack them without hesitation.

“Hey, it’s okay,” the voice softly spoke, slowly walking towards you. The voice was comforting, and it sounded as if the person was barely a young adult. As the person came closer, you began to take note of their red and blue suit; there was a spider at the center of their chest, and they reminded you of a hero in a children’s book, but you were still terror-stricken. While this person was different than the other men, they all had one thing in common: they all wore masks. Not being able to see the person’s face made you uneasy, and you continued to bark and snarl.

Peter understood your fear and aggression, and he respectfully stopped moving; however, he was saddened at the scene in front of him. The wolf clearly showed signs of wanting to trust him, but due to the horrible conditions it endured, any person was a threat to them. “I’m not going to hurt you,” Peter reassured; while it may have been idiotic for Peter to speak to an animal, he felt as if you understood every single word that came out of his mouth. You stopped growling, but your hairs stood erect on your back, suspicious of the man’s actions.

“We have a problem, guys. Meet me here soon,” Peter announced on his comms, alerting the rest of the Avengers; your ears perked up as you realized that he wasn’t alone, and you stepped back, afraid of what was about to come. The building was now completely silent, signifying that the Avengers successfully completed their mission. Peter eyed you carefully, watching as you paced back and forth in the cell, growing anxious by the minute. Within seconds, all of the Avengers were in the room.

“Wow, that really is a big problem,” Tony remarked, letting out a sigh and trying to determine what to do with the humongous animal.

“We can’t just leave it here,” Peter stated, knowing he would feel guilty if they left without you. You carefully observed the boy turn his head to look at the man in a red-and-gold armor and there was a moment of silence. It looked as if the man in the armor exactly knew what the younger boy was thinking, and he immediately shook his head. “No. There’s no way in hell we’re taking this thing back to the compound.”

“What?! Why not?” the boy argued.

“Because, no. It’s not like a regular dog, Peter. It’s a wolf!”

“Tony,” another man interjected, getting the attention of the whole group; the man was carrying a shield, and judging by the way everyone remained quiet, you knew he was the alpha. “Maybe we should listen to the kid, he’s got a point. We can’t just leave it here nor allow it to run free; it’d be better if we take it with us. We can figure things out later.” You narrowed your eyes at the men as you continued to listen to their bickering, and you did not like where the conversation was going.

“I think it’s a great idea,” a man proudly stated. “It’s about time we finally got a pet.” You turned your head to look at the man, and you let out an intimidating growl, indicating to him that you deeply despised his comment.

“Sam, stop making it mad,” a woman with red hair scolded. She rolled her eyes at Sam’s behavior and smacked him on the shoulder; you mentally thanked her, glad that at least one of them understood your reaction. You averted your attention back to the alpha, your ears pulled back and your tail pointed straight outwards, curious about what he was going to say.

“Then it’s settled. The wolf is coming with us.”

“Alright,” Tony mumbled, throwing his hands up in defeat and walking towards the exit, “but if it tries to kill you, don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Despite Peter’s excitement of convincing the team to take you in, you did not share the same enthusiasm. Instead, you were enraged. You hoped that since your enemies were either dead or gone, you would finally have the chance to run away, but of course, that wasn’t going to happen anymore. You let out a huff of frustration, irritated by their plan, however, you knew it would be best if you didn’t fight back.

Peter turned his attention back to the cell, his mask eyes staring at you; he slowly walked towards you but kept enough distance, respecting your desire to have boundaries.

“Don’t worry,” he vowed, placing his hand on his chest. “you’re safe, you can rest now.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Once again, you laid on the concrete floor, but this time, everything was different. You weren’t kept in a cell that was small, unsanitary, or cold; instead, you were given a proper size, allowing you to roam around the spacious room. Although you were still confined to a location, you didn’t mind the bulletproof glass wall since it granted you to see beyond the confinement; there was a comforting heat engulfing you, and you weren’t surrounded by filth. You were alone for the time being, but you weren’t bothered by it; rather, you were oddly relaxed. Perhaps, it was due to the fact that there was an enormous window which gave you the privilege to see the beautiful skyline. Although you were still unsure of where you were, you were mesmerized by the sight; it would never compare to your home, but the buildings, cars, and powerful lights caught your attention. You limped towards the window and sat down, settling in the moonlight and continuing to stare at the small figures that moved.

You heard footsteps approaching, but you didn’t bother to turn around; you hoped that whoever was standing there would leave soon, but as you felt their presence linger, you slowly turned your head around. Standing right in front of the glass wall was a boy who looked around his early twenties; he had dark brown hair, fair skin, and enticing brown eyes that caught your attention. There was something about him that felt familiar, but you couldn’t place it. The boy smiled at you as he held a tray of food, but you merely narrowed your eyes and decided to ignore him.

“C’mon, I know you’re hungry,” the boy pointed out. You instantly recognized the voice from before; it was Peter, the one who was wearing the red-and-blue suit.

He bit his lip in anticipation as you didn’t move a muscle, but he was determined to get you to eat. You let out a big huff, irritated that he did not leave. Suddenly, the sound of a door opening made you alert, and you instantly stood up, turning around to face Peter. Your ears and fur were standing up, and you crouched backward, baring your teeth.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to try anything,” Peter assured, placing the tray on the floor and sliding it across the room. You immediately stopped your actions and directed your focus on the food instead of him; you carefully examined the food, not knowing whether to eat it or leave it there, but you were unable to resist the delicious smell of the meat. Peter watched in awe as you quickly ate the food in seconds and licked the tray clean. The violent and capricious behavior you were once showing was completely gone and was now replaced with a relaxed demeanor; you sat like a sphinx and your tail was placed down, signaling to Peter that you were starting to trust him. As Peter began to examine your calm posture, his eyes gazed over the large gash that was on your left thigh; there was dry blood and dirt around the wound, and it looked as if there was puss leaking out. Peter needed to treat the injury as quickly as he could, but he feared that you wouldn’t allow him to.

You nudged the tray back to Peter and licked the food that lingered around your mouth; Peter let out a slight laugh, understanding that you wanted more food.

“I’ll be right back,” Peter affirmed, stepping out of the room to retrieve more food. You waited for Peter to return, and once he did, you couldn’t help but feel happy, content that you were interacting with someone other than the vicious men. Once again, you began to hastily swallow the food, but you were so ravenous that you failed to notice how Peter tried to discreetly look at your wound. As soon as you felt Peter place his hand on your thigh, you immediately stopped eating and snapped your mouth at him. Luckily, due to Peter’s abilities, he was able to save his fingers from being chewed off, but he stepped back. You let out a menacing growl, angry that he violated your space, and Peter felt like he was back to square one.

“You have an injury,” Peter defended himself, “I need to treat it before it gets worse.” You growled again, not caring about the severity of your wound. What Peter doesn’t know was that it’ll heal shortly; however, judging by the burning pain you felt every time you moved your left leg, it seemed as if that wouldn’t be the case. On the other hand, you were stubborn, so you decided to ignore Peter’s words. You limped to the corner, attempting to get as far away from the boy, and you plopped onto the ground. Peter stood still, not knowing what to do; while there was a chance you were going to attack him, he didn’t want to leave you with an unattended injury. Peter walked towards you once again, causing you to become angrier by the second, but you also gave him credit; he was determined to treat your injury. You watched as the boy kneeled down, inches away from you, but you didn’t growl nor bear your teeth; instead, you intently observed his every move, watching as he took out the necessary medical tools. Your heavy and strong breathing intimidated Peter, but he also knew that you weren’t going to harm him.

You flinched as Peter poured rubbing alcohol onto the wound, to which he quickly apologized, but then you soon found yourself letting out a sigh of relief. You continued to watch Peter as he pierced your skin with a needle, but it was over in a blink of an eye, and now he was wrapping the wound with a clean cloth. “All better,” Peter proudly declared, returning the equipment back in the kit. You gazed at him, shocked that someone was willing to help you even though you’ve been aggressive to them.

Before Peter could react, you slowly moved towards him until your head was resting on his lap. Peter sucked in his breath as his muscles contorted, but then they smoothly eased up as he watched your chest rise and fall in a steady and tranquil motion. This was your way of thanking him, and although you did not truly know him, you felt completely safe with Peter; he had gained your trust. Peter felt a smile stretch across his face, and he gingerly placed his hand behind your ear and slowly petted you, to which you happily accepted. As Peter continued to caress your head, your eyes began to feel heavier every passing minute; slowly but then all at once, you fell asleep in his lap, but Peter didn’t mind at all. Instead, he pulled himself closer and leaned his body up against yours.

After a few hours passed, Tony and Steve decided to stop by and see how you were doing, but when they entered the room, they were shocked at the sight in front of them. Peter blissfully slept in the confinement with the beast, but that wasn’t what frightened them. Rather, what terrified them the most was that the beast was gone and was replaced with a naked woman who peacefully rested in Peter’s arms. Tony quickly connected the dots but was still unable to believe it was actually real.

“Holy shit,” Tony remarked to Steve, “she’s a shifter.”

Taglist: @juliebean247

120 notes · View notes

virginbutstillahoe · 4 years

Text

Positive 20 Questions Tag Game

i made a tag game again. i’m bored, procrastinating, and certain we all need some more positivity right now. hell yeah.

1.) Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

- dean winchester (supernatural): i never shut up about his but dean is me y’all. we both be out here, acting like we’re tough when we’re just jelly filled dorks, being nurturing as hell, making jokes to cheer people up, with a constant chip on our shoulders, and secretly just wanting someone to love us and love someone back.

- maria vontrapp (sound of music): i know she’s not technically a fictional character since that’s based on a true story but whatever. you know what i could name everything about her, but i won’t bc who has time for that. basically just fucking listen to the song “maria” from that movie where all the nuns roast her and you’ve basically got my personality wrapped in a bow for you. just an innocent ass train wreck that just wants to love everyone but doesn’t realize that manners are a thing. that song is so me that my family used to sing it at me when i was little and they still do. also when she blows the whistle obnoxiously at the captain and is just like “lol sorry captain didn’t know how i was supposed to address you :)))” super passive aggressively, me.

- tracy samantha lorde (the philadelphia story): okay she’s definitely classier and fancier than me but, the real vulnerable shit underneath all of her grace and beauty is samesies. she basically is so intolerant of people being anything less than perfect because she’s so afraid of people getting close to her and seeing her flaws....cough cough. she keeps everyone at a distance because she doesn’t want to get hurt. lmao.

- lilo (lilo and stitch): another fictional character that my family needed to point out was me at every turn. my older sister and i actually used to say ohana to each other before bed because she was so similar to nani and i’m so similar to lilo and we fight EXACTLY like them. lilo is just a little outcast who, once again, just loves everyone and wants to be seen and loved for who she is, but has such a hard time connecting to people because they don’t understand her and her aggressive way of showing her intense emotions. my mama still calls me lilo sometimes. i have a lilo plushie on my bed and a lilo sticker on my laptop bc i love her and she gets me.

2.) Aesthetic?

- bright colors, ocean waves, dirty and torn clothing, and wildflowers.

3.) Favorite musical/play? (If you’ve never seen a musical or play, one you’d be interested in seeing?

- into the woods. it was phantom of the opera for most of my childhood and teenage years, but into the woods really just goes after the life metaphors and really makes you think about the difference between right, wrong, and gray areas. like there’s a song about how adventure changes you and makes you view the world differently. there’s another about how somewhere between mundane and perfect is where the best parts of life lie. there’s another all about how important children are and how vital it is that you are careful what you say and do around them. it just goes the fuck off.

4.) What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

- “you think about the world in ways i never thought were possible”

5.) How many times have you been in love?

- kind of 1? i’ve been into the same person my whole life but i’m constantly debating myself on if unrequited love can count as being in love with someone you’re actually with, if that makes sense?

6.) Embarrassing story or fact about yourself that makes you laugh now?

- when i was little, i secretly wanted to be an actress on broadway, so when i was home alone and would watch movies, i would pick a character in the movie and act out their parts as i watched like a crazy person lol.

7.) Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

- favorite disney movie is lilo and stitch for reasons mostly mentioned in the first question, but the family doesn’t get left behind or forgotten and the outcast is not unloveable they’re just misunderstood messages just send me and really helped baby molly. how obvious is it that i’m a giant sucker for an interesting message?

8.) Favorite flower or plant?

- black eyed susans. they’re a wild flower with a similar beauty to daisies, but with a little bit of darkness in them.

9.) What’s your favorite holiday?

- christmas biiiiiiitch. it’s the one time of year i’m not worried that my house is haunted and i get to sing all the time and people don’t find it weird or annoying. the snow is not the best but everything else makes up for it.

10.) Name three things that made you laugh or smile this past week.

- when i was laying in the grass today, a little tiny robin hopped over to me and whistled at me and it was a magical experience

- i realized i only have 3 more weeks of school until this hell semester is over

- my mom made my bed on top of me and if you’ve never had someone do that to you before, did you have a childhood? are you okay? also find someone to do it to you right now.

11.) What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

- either "thank you for the music” by abba or from mamma mia depending on the kind of person you are, or i guess the song “maria” that i mentioned before lmao

12.) Name something that truly makes you feel peaceful even at your most stressed moments.

- laying down in the grass on a nice sunny day and just listening the sounds of birds, bugs, and other surrounding noises.

13.) What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

- i am currently working on my masters degree in special education for elementary school ages. i will probably go back and get a second masters in school counseling to help students with special needs who are in traumatic situations or are mistreated at home.

14.) This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

- my emotional support outfit as my friends call it is my toy story pajama pants with my guiness sweatshirt from ireland

15.) What is a quote you live by?

- be fiercely and ferociously yourself.

i have also recently started to follow “you’ve got to lighten up, it’s just life.”

16.) Name the funniest playlist name you have.

- “the chocolate ganache” and i called it that because it’s full of songs that represent my soul and personality and chocolate ganache is what i like to think my filling would be if i was a cake.

17.) Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

- bob hope and bing crosby

18.) What is a message you would give your younger self if given the chance?

- if someone doesn’t like you for who you are, tell them to fuck directly off.

19.) Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

- my late grandfather. i called him papa and he was basically my father. he was smart, cuddly, serious, fiercy loving, and kind of dorky, but he was the best and i miss him every day.

20.) What’s a secret dream of yours?

- my childhood dream mentioned above still kinda lingers around in my brain from time to time, but i know it’s not possible for me.

tagging my friends (or at least i’d like to think we’re friends lmao) @navajolovesdestiel @victorian-sexstache @missjojo96 @multifandom-fanatic @day-fire @baby-in-a-trenchcoat7 @green-eyes-and-classic-rock, and @thetiredstuff and literally anyone else who wants to play. for real.

if i didn’t tag you and you play, please tag me! i’d love to read through yours!

if i did tag you and you’re intimidated by the size of this and have decided, “fuck that noise” i respect you and i get it no hard feelings (:

#my post #tag game #about me #i know it's a longin so if you don't want to it's all good buddy #but i would really love it if you played #even if you weren't tagged bc who cares if you're tagged or not #certainly not me

7 notes · View notes

minaminokyoko · 5 years

Text

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil--A Spoilertastic Review

Disney: *shuffling through records* Hey, Hollywood.

Hollywood: *drunkenly burps, throws empty beer can behind the couch* Yup?

Disney: What’s that really well written, well acted, beautifully shot, feminist movie we made with Angelina Jolie that one time?

Hollywood: Oh, the broad with the wings and the horns? Maleficent.

Disney: Yeah, yeah, her. Do something else with her.

Hollywood: Wait, you don’t want to give it to her? *points to Talent, who is sitting at the table typing* Or her? *points to Effort, who is in the kitchen baking souffle* I mean, they’re the ones who made the first one.

Disney: Nah, you got this. Go for it.

Hollywood: Alright. *farts and a script falls out of his ass* Here you go.

Disney: Thanks, fam.

*END SCENE*

In case you can’t tell, I’m extremely disappointed in Maleficent: Mistress of Evil.

Overall Grade: C-

As always, spoilers below.

Pros:

-Probably the only reason a few straggling fans are showing up to Maleficent II is finding out that the legendary Michelle Pfeiffer was cast as the evil queen. She is just as smug and cold and awful as she seemed in the trailer, so kudos. They don’t share enough screen time, but Mal vs. Ingrith at that dinner table was some of the shadiest, pettiest shit I’ve ever seen. Ingrith is That Bitch. You really wanted her to have a harsher fate considering the monstrous shit that she does in this movie.

-Though they are seriously few and far between, I did like the tiny domestic moments we got from Diaval and Maleficent. I’m sad to say that the hype was once again wrong. They were teasing that perhaps Diaval and Mal would get a little more of a romantic spin, but either it was cut for time or they changed their minds. Diaval and Mal are apart the entire movie. It’s the worst. However, the bits we do get of them in the beginning, like him giving her the bad news and her trying out her smile in front of him and her telling him he missed her was nothing short of adorable. I especially loved it when they were served bird and Mal gives him that mean little side-eye. It feels very comfortable and domestic, and less like they’re mistress and servant and a little bit more like the mother and father pair that they actually are. I’m just sad there is so few scenes of them together.

-Expanding Mal’s backstory has very mixed results, but the bits we do see and understand aren’t half bad. The phoenix thing is way under-explained, but it is a neat concept that the dark fae came from a single source. It was also a believable story that they were hunted to near extinction, especially during this era of time when white people were at their most fucking ridiculous killing every new people they found on every fucking continent they found them on. It made sense they hid from them and wanted revenge, since we pretty much see that the humans for the most part are utter shitheads anyway. I also loved the diversity of the dark fae, coming from all continents and all peoples. Nothing drives me crazier than the idea that all fantasy creatures should look like pale white folks. This was very nice to see.

-At least Diaval didn’t die. I was afraid of that since bad sequels often kill someone you like just to “raise the stakes.”

-Tying the cursed spindle into the sequel isn’t half-bad an idea. It’s kind of neat that it’s how Aurora ends up discovering the truth.

Cons:

-Fucking everything else in this movie, basically, is a negative point. Goddammit. Why did they squander all this fucking talent?

-Having Mal, Diaval, and Aurora separated the entire time is the first huge mistake. I was hoping from the trailer that Mal getting hurt and finding her own kind was something that happens in the second act. Nope. First act. Fucking hell. All the reasons why Maleficent was a great movie was the dynamic between these characters and the development of their relationships. It was so easy to love them. They were a family. They had struggles and they all put in effort and they won the day. And then this movie happened. Mal and Diaval first and foremost were done dirty, especially since behind the scenes they had been teasing that maybe the hints of romance between them might finally get a brief spotlight, but no. Didn’t happen. Either it was cut for time or they changed their minds. Then Aurora just blindly believing that Mal cursed the king despite knowing her mother for fucking five plus years, not counting how Mal raised her from afar, just massively pisses me off. Aurora has shown no signs of wanting to just be a normal girl. She loves her mother faithfully and it feels very OOC for her to just instantly assume the worst, especially since she should know things about magic by now and would have heard that Mal has to verbally curse someone, not just with a gesture of magic.

-Almost every part of this story has our leads being passive as hell. I hate passive stories and I hate passive characters. Remember, a good story is one in which your protagonists affect the plot and the outcome and each other. This movie is borderline boring. It’s so much of people looking out the window at the sky and fretting and being moody. All of our characters just sit around for two goddamn hours barely doing a thing until the war at the end, as if the movie is just waiting for itself to end. It’s such a fucking shame considering how many creative, engrossing scenes are in the first film. The first film perfectly paced the character development with the three main leads alongside the action. I loved seeing Diaval’s different forms. The action was fantastic and the story was deeply personal. Everything built towards the end goal of showing the full scope of who Mal is as both the hero and the villain. Here, it’s just miscommunication. That’s it. It’s so stupidly basic and it doesn’t do anything but open the door for her backstory. It’s such a lazy method to introduce them. There were much better ways to go about it and I’m sad that none of our beloved three barely does anything over the course of the movie.

-The tone is all over the fucking place. I actually would not recommend this movie for kids. It’s much too harsh for the little ones when we reach the war in the third act. It’s unnecessarily cruel to a bunch of characters. It even has the nerve to outright KILL one of the three fairy godmothers with little to no reverence for what a big fucking deal that should be. It’s a nasty, unpleasant feeling when she dies and when the other moorfolk and the dark fae die as well. And yet some of these scenes have slapped together “wah-wah-wah” moments, like the evil queen simply being turned into a goat. Ha-ha. Yeah. There are dozens of soldiers and innocent townsfolk and fairies dead. But she’s a just a goat. Sure. That’s not a whiplash of a fucking tone at all. What the hell is the matter with this movie? How dare you actually kill a fairy godmother. And it was one of a few stupid sacrifices while we’re at it. I mean, Magical Negro Fae went full Piccolo standing in front of Mal when all he had to do was yank her out of the way. Same for the big tree fae who died. Not to mention the fact that the giant tree fae just had to walk over to that fucking pipe organ and snap that stupid redhead’s neck, easy peasy, in three seconds. Problem solved. Fuck this movie for showing such flagrant deaths for innocent characters.

Oh, excuse me, one second.

*grabs Hollywood by the ear, shoves him into a chair, and breaks his nose*

Hollywood: OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!

Me: IF YOU PUT ONE MORE GODDAMN FUCKING MAGICAL NEGRO INTO ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING MOVIE IN 2019 OR BEYOND, I’MMA FUCKING KILL YOU.

-Magical Negro Fae makes me want to kill something. I’m tired, y’all. I’m tired of writers in Hollywood continually making wise black characters teach white people life lessons and then promptly die to advance their story. Go to hell. All of you who keep writing this wretched cliché go straight to hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Take your ass to hell and rot in the lake of fire. Stop. Fucking. Doing. This. To. Black. Characters. You. Fucking. Assholes.

-It feels like there is a movie between the first Maleficent and this one that we missed. Seriously, the characters spout backstory that sounds interesting and important, but it’s off-screen, and we’re constantly fighting to understand something that the characters clearly do. Show, don’t tell. Show me Aurora and Philip being in love. Show me Aurora’s longing for Philip and Mal to get along. Show me Mal wondering about her heritage and feeling like an outcast. Show me the dark fae’s backstory. Show me Lickspittle being forced into betraying his own kind. I cannot connect with these characters if you do not give me a reason to do it like you did in the first film.

-Is it just me or did Hollywood deadass steal a whole bunch of this from the Gargoyles animated series? I’m just saying. Go back and watch that and then watch this and tell me it’s not similar.

-Nitpick: God, Disney, I am so tired of you filming all your live action movies on one sound stage with zero practical effects and zero sets. Yes, we can tell the fucking difference when you film everything indoors and there’s no sets. Can we go back to actually giving a shit about how movies look?

-Nitpick: There’s plotholes everywhere. I already mentioned how the tree fae could have ended that church massacre in a total of 3 seconds, if that. Where have the dark fae been? Why did they just act that one time with those mercs stealing the moorfolk? What was Lickspittle actually doing to the trapped fairies? We never see him experiment on them or anything. How did Magical Negro Fae see Mal fall in total darkness? Was he just hovering around the area? Why? They seem very far away from their stronghold, so how did he see her and why have they never attempted contact with her before even though they apparently know the moors very well? I could go on like this for some time.

-Angelina Jolie is given very little material to work with and it’s depressing considering how emotionally attached I became to Mal in the first movie. Her struggle was so sympathetic and her reaction to Stefan’s cowardice and cruelty was arguably justified. Here, she’s not having some kind of revelation about herself. It’s cookie cutter right and wrong. It’s very little struggle. She’s not barely doing anything for long periods of time and it’s honestly boring and disappointing as hell considering what a force of nature she is in personality and in abilities. They took all the zest and spice out of her. She’s a hollow, empty version of herself here and it’s probably the most insulting thing of all.

-Nitpick: The title is a big fat lie. Mal does not turn evil or become evil. She swats some fools around at the end, but that’s all. I hate misleading titles.

Overall, the word to describe this movie is unnecessary. It’s not bad, but it is nowhere near good at all. It reduces all its characters into passive roles in a dull story that tries to make up for it by heavily loading the ending with very distasteful, cruel war scenes that are frankly too harsh for children. It’s not asking any deep, sympathetic questions from its audience. It’s just spinning its wheels, mostly. If you’re curious, sure, go ahead and rent it. I would warn you from paying full theater price since it adds almost nothing to something that was frankly perfect the way it was already. I went in with low expectations and while the movie didn’t go below them, it was still a letdown. Mostly because I wanted some Maleval scenes to wake up the tiny, dormant fandom, and I highly doubt this is going to do that.

Sigh. You deserved better, Mal. At least we’ll always have the first movie.

Kyo out.

#maleficent #maleficent: mistress of evil #maleficent II #mistress of evil #angelina jolie #michelle pfeiffer #movie review #film review #review #spoilers #spoiler alert

19 notes · View notes

dragonpiango · 4 years

Text

My review of 2019

January:

So I recently graduated from community college in the previous December, and I started university at HT with a scholarship for piano performance. Honestly I thought going to a HBCU was going to be weird, but turns out I’m not much of an outcast. It was a nice transition to a new setting and new people and a breath of fresh air! It was amazing having a practice room to myself and the mental thought of “getting to know my music” became a reality although my first piano lesson with my new professor was strange. His impression of me was way different than what I thought. Although he is a outstanding teacher, he might have overthought what I was capable of.... him assigning me my pieces and they consisted of Bach French suite No. 5 in G Major, Mozart sonata K.332 in F Major, Chopin Nocturne in D-flat Major, Chopin Scherzo No.2 in b-flat minor, and the most memorable piece IMHO Ravel’s Une Barque Sur L’Ocean from Miroirs.

February:

So still settling into a new university and meeting new people (although I just stayed in the music building bc that’s where all my classes were) it was Black History Month. Being apart of the choir at school and the only ensemble they offered, we were pretty busy with a lot of performances BUT it was enlightening too. Everyone has been so welcoming and coming from a background in classical music I’ve been introduced to Gospel music not only for voice, but piano. From accompanying spirituals to gospel it really has opened my eyes that music doesn’t have to be so strict. It is a way of expressing emotions and from then on I took my repertoire more seriously in the sense each piece had its own “character.”

March:

This month is a crucial one, not only did I find my “clique” at school, but they only consisted of two people. Ant and KayP. Not going to use their names but these two were the only two that understood who I was and I understood who they were. We might have drifted a little bit since one has graduated but in the mean time, during these few months, have been my shoulder to cry on. They were very talented vocalist who taught me a lot in the sense of accompanying and vice versa. Since our school is small, our “accompanist” was my piano teacher, so every rehearsal was around his schedule, until I came into the picture. They really pushed me to get out of my comfort zone and really get me to where I need to be. During this time, I was still working retail and I have a true appreciation for those who commit full time to retail because lemme tell y’all. That shit is a lot of work. Especially around holidays. Balancing out school and work was a struggle, but I managed through especially when I don’t have a piano at home. I have to go to school to practice and with retail, all my extra time would be working.

April:

By this time, everyone is stressing because of finals, but luckily since I grabbed an associates degree from COmmunity college, I didn’t have to take my core classes and cry. Music classes were all my focuses were on especially performance. I had a few performances in between for our seminar where we perform in front of all the music students, and for me, being a pianist, I didn’t have to rely on my teacher for rehearsals and accompanying. I just focused on me and this got me ready for our benefit concert that I was honored to be a part of. KayP being the current Miss HBCU and queen of the school, decided to raise money for students of troubled pasts who have really turned their lives around in college and made a great GPA would be rewarded with scholarship money that we raised. I was the one who got to close the whole show out and it truly was an amazing experience. Being able to perform for a great cause is always heart warming and I will cherish that moment forever.

May:

So the semester comes to an end and I have juries (where we perform our pieces in front of the faculty and get graded ) what I did not know is that since our school is so small, they invite and pay other professors from the biggest university next to us UT Austin and have them come sit and grade us as well. That to me was a shock moment, because coming from a university in a small town before we had enough people and knew everyone. Community college DIDNT have juries for piano which was odd, but this was a perfect opportunity to really put my hard work into good use. After juries, I did splendid with a few mistakes that I was able to recover from, and lemme tell y’all. No performance is perfect. And I have accepted that. My piano teacher hooked me up with one of his good friends who owns and directs her own music school and I became a piano teacher there. Oddly, I’m the youngest teacher there with no doctoral degree and am working on a BA still..... but none the less, this transition really opened my eyes.

June:

School is finally out, and I reduced my retail job to just Saturday. I finally got my reputation as a teacher at my new job and gained students rather quickly to where I was almost booked up Monday through Friday. With little to no teaching experience it was a trial and error process. I was taking over a studio of a former teacher who had visa issues. So all his students were a tad skeptical with me more so their parents. But after observing lessons and learning their names it was only a matter of time that I was teaching them and really became someone they look up to. It started off rocky because I wasn’t used to a build your own schedule, from what I’ve experienced with teaching at a music school is that someone does the schedule for you. Not in this case, so having to communicate and try to accommodate every students schedule was a tough start, but once I got used to it, the ride was easy from there. Unfortunately, most students were gone on vacation so I had to work with only a few who stayed in town and accommodate those who were in town for that week. That aside, my communication improved after constantly talking with parents 24/7.

July:

This is where life gets exciting. My boyfriend had surprised me with tickets to go to Chicago. I would go back because the city is amazing and food is delicious and it’s easy to get around in Chicago. It was a nice break from work and really helped me bond with my partner. During this time we had two cats. One names Roger and the other Gladys. So a little back story, when I moved in with my partner, his cats basically adopted me. Gladys was a daddy’s girl and kept to Todd mostly but she was very seeet with me and made adorable monkey noises when you picked her up and cuddled with her. She was diagnosed with cancer and the year before that we made the decision to remove her tumor and hope that she would live a healthy life. Well this is where the tumor came back full force and in Chicago, I was a wreck because I felt bad enjoying my time away and leaving her at home. My partner (who is the mature one in our relationship) had a sit down with me about what to do with her and I lost it. He didn’t want to put her down either, but it was for the best. We agreed to keep her comfortable until we knew it was time. Before the month ends tho, we are back home and my sisters boyfriend sends me a text saying he is serious about her and wants to marry her. The retail I work for is a jewelry store and he had asked me to help pick out a diamond for my sister since he knew what she wanted. So this was the good news. We find the diamond, and have it set in her favorite setting and my boyfriend who is full of surprises gets me a ticket to visit her in LA.

August:

So my birthday month is here, and I fly out to LA to deliver the ring to my now sisters fiancé and they fly out to Italy and he does the deed and she says yes. Happy note. But as school starts back up for the new semester, my partner had a issue to where he would be in a state to where he couldn’t move much due to a unusual circumstance. And before that we decided to put Gladys down. It was a tough decision but we gave her the best life we could ever had hoped for her and I was emotionally drained from everything. Having to keep a positive attitude for my students and going to school and being an adult in general. The only way I got thru this period is from my best friend and coworker who knows what it’s like to go through life and it’s always better to have an open mind and ear to talk to. I call her my mamma because she’s like a mother figure to me but also a amazing friend. Without her, I probably wouldn’t have been mentally there at all for anyone. In the time of summer until now I haven’t had a chance to practice because I forgot to mention that i had a Jr recital coming up which is why my repertoire was so big.

September:

After everything passed and I’m in a better mental state, I proceed to my schedule of school and work and find a time to practice in between. What’s great about this month is that since the semester just started, I had plenty of time to catch up on my practice and really get my lessons to become productive in shaping and understanding different musical styles. My partner is all better and life is great because I was in the best part of my life. Doing well in school, amazing texting job, and a best friend who is there for me and most importantly my partner. He’s been my rock since we first met and I can always rely on him and vice versa. He understood that with my free day off that I needed to spend it practicing and told me to go for it and be as productive as I can. I honestly wasn’t used to that kind of support but I am grateful.

October:

This is where reality hits and my recital is next month. I get very crazy about everything. I had all my music learned but because of my indecisiveness, I kept changing how I shaped everything and my mind goes blank. Probably a dark time for me because I didn’t know how to handle this kind of stress. I’ve put on hour long recitals before and the only thing different this time is that I’m getting graded and want to make such a great impression to further my education to a dictator degree. The dress was eating me alive and on top of that, one of my students decided he wants to enter in a competition and I say why not. Let’s do it. Getting him ready for that and keeping my sanity was hard to do but I managed. He did well, but not well enough to get a medal but his parents were very impressed with how quickly he progressed with me. That’s always a plus, right?

November:

The month has come for me to have my big recital and I invited all my friends and coworkers and they all made it. I was truly nervous but if you don’t get nervous, are you even human? It turned out wonderful although the first piece (Bach French suite) was shaky, I had to tell my self that I was having fun and everyone here is here to support me and want me to do well. That little talk was a confidence booster and ended the recital flawlessly. After my recital, my job has their student recitals so my focus was all on my students doing the best they can and having fun. This month was fun because I was selected to do masterclasses for piano students through out my job and it was very enlightening to see how talented the new generation of musicians are! Only positive comments because I couldn’t honestly find anything wrong with any of the students performances and their teachers are amazing.

December:

So getting all my students ready for their recital was a big time investment but totally worth it because they all performed so well and I honestly cried bc I felt like a proud parent LOL. But after that was time for the semester to end up and one class was making me go crazy. Everything ended well and I had ALL A’s and one B but I know what to expect for next semester and everything will be great. Honestly this year has me all sorts of fucked up with emotions and I proved to myself that when I stay committed, I can really achieve what I want. This year was a great year for me and a way to end a decade because when 2020 starts, I know what I need to do and where I need to be.

5 notes · View notes

nbsilvally · 6 years

Text

getting some thoughts because it’s getting closer to my birthday, about myself, about my birthday, and the past few years in my current developments

it’s a... really long post so please if you’re reading it, like it or just take the time to read it.

cw serious depression? maybe suicide talk

it’s another holiday season approaching me and last year i managed to have a birthday i could enjoy with friends. but this year, i really don’t have anyone here in person to celebrate with and it sucks a bit. I have my mom and I could go to the game shop for a bit, but rly i don’t have any friends i could just call up and say “hey, let’s hang” at this moment. a lot of folks are going out of town for my birthday or with family and it leaves me in a point where i’ve also had my birthday forgotten by everyone in a near sixteen candles experience on my 21st and been told to shut up about it and how it’s not that special when i was 19 and excited about it (yes, i remember it.)

i’ve always been feeling outcast and i don’t know if it’s me or majority of people just act cautiously around me because like i feel like no one knew how to really talk to me without treating me like i’m inexperienced or stupid and it just, i get it. At times, i’m hard to talk or i can make things feel forced but it’s not like i mean to (i still apologize if i ever put you in a position like that and please understand if i message you that you can just get back to me whenever). It’s hard to feel included in friend groups or circles and i guess i always been sort of a group hopper w/ a set of friends who i just stick to between groups or interests. I don’t feel comfortable sticking my foot in just one circle i guess. It’s hard to describe,

It’s just weird because 23 is my first real adult birthday i feel. I’m out of school, i’m out of a job temporarily, all i’m doing is stressing over bills and work, i’m still planning how i’m gonna start saving money with the new job, and there’s a lot incoming in the next few weeks that I don’t know how i’ll handle tbh. I’ve been forced to be on my own working w/ Walmart (well until i got fired). So I realized how cut off from people in person I’ve become.

This year is also closing too so I guess 2017 + 22 has been... an experience of itself. There’s a lot I wanna say to specific people and I can’t fully express my emotions right now because my head is a jumble but i also had no background noise.

Let’s start with just myself. Self discovery was a huge thing. I’ve really neglected my own health and old habits really kept me in spots along with struggling w/ depression and i guess separation anxiety. There’s another thing I’ve always wondered if I had but I can’t say until I check w/ a professional. However, let’s focus on the positives....? I’ve learned to finally cope with being alone, sort of. It’s been a couple of years where Zan finally been focusing on school and I haven’t fully had a chance to just grow on my own when he and I constantly talked. So when he’s been busy, I’ve been forced to let go of Codependency. I had to learn to take care of myself and stop pitpatting my feet around and buckle down. The issue was when I was school, I feel like there was a level of things I could focus and buckle down on, while now on my own, I couldn’t really not focus. Now I’m focusing trying to break out of doing things dependent on others. It’s not easy but I was talking with Ven and I’m half considering taking long walks/jogs every now and then up to Walmart and back (~3 hours just walking). I’m unfortunately really picky but I... really need to work on eating better. I just haven’t been able to escape these mindsets but I will get to it when I build the courage the take the step.

I still have a lot to work on but I’m going to be 23. I have time. I will work on my goals and buckle down this year and hopefully by next year this time, I’ll be out of South Carolina.

Now, to people who just helped me through it out.

Zan, my boyfriend and my love and light, you’ve done a lot, just working hard on your own. We haven’t had time to do many dates because you’re busy with school or with Addy and your life outside the computer, but it’s okay. I know you’re working hard and we’re trying to find little things to do together and talk about again recently. I’ve missed moments where we could call and sleep together, whispering sweet things to each other and just say I love you, but it’s good we’re independent because if we’re as dependent as we were on another, it’d fall me back into codependency and I can’t afford to just live based off what you’re doing. I’m going to grow and when we see each other again, I will show you I’m doing my best, and I can’t wait to see you again.

Ven, 2017 was the year we really did become best friends. I met you vaguely 2 years ago and really, I couldn’t ask for anyone better. Meeting you in person? It really showed me good things do happen to those who wait in a year of disasters and messes. I couldn’t be prouder of you too. You’ve grown stronger, even through the hardships and struggles you’ve been through yourself. We’ve talked about my feelings a lot and you’ve always been so considerate and even if you thought you said something that sounded wrong with problems, it wasn’t a problem because I knew you wouldn’t mean it in a bad way. There’s just a level of even if I’m constantly apologizing or freaking out, I feel like I can do it comfortably around you because you’re just really comfortable to be around. You’ve also helped me out in tight money spots and I wish I could pay you back in triple. When you visited, I just got too excited to do everything, even if we couldn’t and if you happen to swing by again or whenever I’m there, I hope you know I’m going to be excited to travel around and explore, and that’s mainly because it’s with you. I really appreciate you Ven and you’re one of most trusted, caring, and real friends I could ever ask for, and you honestly just... really taught me what a friend really feels like.

Seren, PokeRP on twitter was fun and you as Silvally and me as Lusamine crack rping was one of the best things i’ve had for a while we laughed and got together. There was a level of my anxiety after discord’s stuff and i fled after the bot incident but I really do enjoy talking with you and learning your opinion on stuff, even if i might not agree (but YOU WAS RIGHT ABOUT USUM!!!!). Your cosplay and art are really good and I admire your hardwork and effort a lot. I’m glad I decided to do pokerp, cause i met you.

Mix, you’re a pretty fantastic person to just talk with about visual novels and anime and learning a LOT about all the general topics you know. Sure, you speak a lot and it can be hard to keep up sometimes, but I still try because you do provide a lot of helpful/interesting stuff and if there’s anything I can do too, I can go to you and you can be real. Even if we clash heads a bit. However, we have to just clash a bit to meet an understanding. You’ve been through a long journey of learning and growing yourself and I can say you’ve changed from the Mix I’ve knew in 2011-2012.

Emma, between meeting you w/ Total Drama and having similar interests, I think Tanboards is where I got to know you best honestly and between learning more about you and you tbh helping me learn about topics in general, it really has helped me grow. I really appreciate you helping me out too a lot where I’ve been in tight spots, between signal boosting and money. You’ve been a good friend and you really do deserve the best (so does all of Tanboards).

Appmon community, I never really got to know you until part 2 honestly, but I really felt welcomed into a fandom that was small but easy to talk with about the show. We all really connected and it was amazing to watch w/ you guys weekly and experience the show, theorizing, talking, gushing over it. Appmon movie when?

Fei, we don’t get to talk often but I appreciate you. Really. Sorry I don’t have much to say but I just really enjoy talking with you and getting to know you over the past few years has been one of the best friendships i’ve had. I really love your art too.

Free, same thing about not having been rly talking recently but your friendship means a lot to me and I really hope I can see you again. I miss hanging w/ you in person.

I have a lot more I can say but I’m tired but... If we’ve interacted, no matter how small its been, you’ve made a difference somehow,

even through the near suicide attempts I’ve made and the hard times where nothing seem positive and I’ve just wanted to just die or stop, you all made it an easier year to go through and here’s to 23 years, with every all of you there with me. Thank you.

Thank you so much. I couldn’t get through this without all of you, no matter how much you’ve interacted with me. It’s because of y’all that I’m still here. Honestly.

#pepsi posts #personoct #suicide ment #personoct is my new personal tag

4 notes · View notes