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#wretched rei
silvervictory · 6 months
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Absolution.
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ell-dordo · 3 months
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Happy Valentine's day, y'all!
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daiiharu · 1 year
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i am Not as immune to found family dynamics as i think i am
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jgracie · 18 days
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I WANT IT ALL
masterlist | rules
❝ hellooo !! i absolutely in love with your works !! may i request percy with the song “i want it” all by lana del rey, specially this part of the lyrics:“do you think you'll kill for me one day?" / “yes of course I will, my darling” ? perhaps a mention of dark percy ? 😋 ❞ — 🦇
in which percy would kill for you one day
pairing slightly dark!percy jackson x reader
warnings house of hades spoilers? that’s when this is set, violence (percy bloodbends)
on the radio . . . i want it all (lana del rey)
After experiencing Tartarus together, you couldn’t help but notice how Percy changed. He used to always be able to crack a joke, even at the worst of situations, lightening the mood and raising your spirits. However, now he’s more… serious. Tartarus seemed to harden him up - his eyes, once a bright aquamarine colour, were now of a dark blue-green hue, like the depths of the ocean that even Poseidon wouldn’t venture
You still loved him with all of your heart. He was your precious boyfriend, after all. And besides, you probably changed a lot too after that. Anyone would if they were forced to hallucinate their boyfriend abandoning them like you did. The image the Arai had planted in your head that day, a curse sent your way by a girl you didn’t even know, haunted you. You never wanted to feel that alone and isolated again
Percy knew this. It was part of the reason why he became more protective, more territorial. Watching you wander Tartarus aimlessly, your voice cracking as you begged for his touch and being able to do nothing about it shattered his heart. After that experience, he vowed to never let you out of his sight 
The other members of the Argo II could tell that something had changed between you, too. However, they kept a safe distance, not wanting to interfere in case they made it worse, unable to even fathom what you must’ve gone through in Tartarus
For the most part, though, your relationship was good. Other than the nightmares and protectiveness, the two of you stayed the same iconic couple you are, and as time progressed, Percy felt himself becoming more relaxed, no longer needing to be by your side every second of every day
That was until the ship got attacked. You’d been having a couple days of pretty safe travel ever since you got out of Tartarus, and while you did enjoy simply being able to catch up with all your friends on a boat in the ocean, you should’ve known that something would come along to ruin this for you
It was early in the morning, and you were on watch duty along with Leo, who was manning the ship whilst adding some updates to Festus. The salty air made you think of Percy, and you found yourself suddenly longing for his touch, knowing how much he’d enjoy watching the sun rise over the horizon
“You can go get Percy if you want, Y/N, I’ll be fine here,” Leo mumbled. For someone who claims he’s better at understanding machines than people, he sure was good at reading your mind. Recently, you noticed he’d also been acting differently. According to Hazel, he found a girl he loved (NOT calypso guys don’t worry 🩷) while he’d gone missing, but for some reason he couldn’t bring her with him
You thanked him and were about to make your way to your boyfriend’s room when you suddenly heard a voice yell, “I will take revenge on you, wretched son of Poseidon!” You turned, finding yourself face-to-face with none other than the bane of Poseidon, Polybotes
“You think you can just leave Tartarus as you please? I, Polybotes, will make you pay!” The giant continued. Your feet seemed to be cemented to the ground as you stared at the giant, mouth open in a mix of shock and fear. He was supposed to be in Tartarus, how could he possibly get here? Of course you couldn’t have a moment of peace. Why were you stupid enough to think that maybe, just maybe, you could relax until actually having to fight Gaia herself? 
“Y/N, look out!” Leo yelled, pulling you out of your trance. But it was too late. The giant picked you up, his nails digging into your back, forming crescent shaped gashes. Your nose scrunched at the smell of him as he took a good look at you before laughing (his breath smelled even worse. You had to fight the urge to vomit all over him)
Tears welled up in your eyes. You were completely helpless, with no weapon on you and your limbs still aching from your time in Tartarus. This was it. This is how you’d die. The giant was squeezing you so tight you could barely breathe, black spots beginning to obscure your vision. You sent a quick prayer to your godly parent, asking them to keep your friends safe on the rest of this quest, before you succumbed to the darkness
The last thing you remember seeing is a flash of bright blue - the ocean
“Thank Gods you’re awake! We’re all so worried about you!” Hazel exclaimed as soon as your eyes were open. Looking around, you noticed you were in the makeshift infirmary section of the ship, bruises littering your body
You turned to face Hazel, your eyebrows furrowed, “what… happened?” You asked, trying to push your memories of the incident with Polybotes to the front of your mind, but ending up with nothing, “I remember I was captured by that giant, then I saw the water move, then… nothing.”
Hazel was suddenly incapable of holding eye contact with you, unsure if she should tell you what happened or not. In the end, she decided on the former, knowing you’d pull it out of Percy eventually if you had to
“The water moving was Percy’s doing. We all showed up after hearing the commotion and when he saw you in Polybotes’ clutches he went… kind of crazy. I’d never seen him like this before, Y/N, it was a little scary. He willed the water to move him up to Polybotes’ height and demanded he let you go. When he didn’t…” Hazel stopped for a second, shuddering. What did Percy do? After seeing the way he handled Akhlys in Tartarus, you knew there was a side of him that he kept buried deep inside. Did it come out again?
You placed a gentle hand on Hazel’s, giving her a kind smile which willed her to continue, “he started controlling Polybotes’ blood… he made him choke on his own blood, Y/N, we’ve been spending the past five hours cleaning that up.”
At the sound of voices coming out of the infirmary, Percy barged in, nodding at Hazel before holding you tightly in his arms. You hugged back, glad to see that he was okay. Smiling at both of you, Hazel waved goodbye and left, knowing you two needed a moment alone
“Hazel told me what happened,” you said once Percy pulled away, still keeping your hand in his. At this, he looked at the ground in shame, remembering how much his treatment of Akhlys had scared you in Tartarus
Rubbing circles into your hand, he said, “I’m sorry, Y/N, my fear and anger got the better of me. I don’t ever want to lose you, you’re literally my soulmate. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Your heart fluttered at his words. Feeling your face become warmer as a bright smile made its way onto your lips, you said, “it’s alright, Percy. Thank you for saving me. I genuinely thought I was going to die then.” At this, Percy’s brows furrowed and the grip he had on your hand tightened
An aura of power exuded from your boyfriend, and when he said, “you wouldn’t die, not with me here. I’d kill for you, baby, you understand that, right?” You knew he meant it. If giants didn’t have to be defeated by both Gods and demigods working together, Polybotes would definitely be a mere pile of dust in Tartarus right now
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devilmademewriteit · 8 months
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If You Lie Down With Me
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pairing: (pre-ellie) dbf!joel miller x fem!afab!reader
summary: there’s only one guy in all of boston that can get you a morning after pill. unfortunately, on top of being a huge asshole, Joel Miller also happens to be your dad’s closest peer.
warnings: rough sex / smut (masturbation, fem penetration, oral [m receiving]) so 18+ only content; unprotected sex; light choking & restraint; light dom/sub dynamic; fem afab reader; reader has long-ish hair (that gets touched); plot-typical violence (guns, death); plot deviations (no Tess); medication ingestion; pet names (baby, sweetheart, angel); dubcon (slight intoxication, power imbalance, no explicit consent).
word count: 6.5k+
no use of y/n in this fic
alright y’all I’m baaaaAAAaack! so this is basically the other version of Dark But Just a Game that I started back when I was writing it & figured I’d finish it to get out of my hiatus. like any devilmademewriteit fic, it’s dark and nasty and deprived like meeeeeee <3 hope u enjoy !
don’t forget to reblog, check out my masterlist, sign up for the taglist, & leave any comments / feedback / & suggestions!
(ps: new part of Salvatore up next !)
“three times the guy I ever thought I would meet, so don't say you're over me when we both know that you lie”
— lana del rey, ‘If You Lie Down With Me’
Fuck.
Waking up to a racing heart, a pounding head, and a stomach swimming with nausea was never ideal, although it was always a better experience alone — when you could squint and hiss at the light slicing through the weaknesses in the drapes without hearing your groans echoed by a lower, louder, and annoyingly more pitiful voice.
Right. What was his name?
Jared? Jordan? Jermaine?
Ah, who cares.
If he’d wanted a safe place to nurse his hangover, he shouldn’t have fallen asleep in your bed. Sure, the odds of dad being conscious at this hour (especially the odds after a party like last night’s) were Kate Moss — no, Rolling Stones — slim, but the man would get up at some point, meaning that this poor J-whatever was likely sleeping through his only window of escape from certain homicide.
You whisper. You shake him gently. You gingerly tap the roundness of his bicep.
Huh — Not bad.
You congratulate last-night-you for reeling in this morning’s good-looking catch.
Still… nothing. Not a twitch. Nary a croaked ‘lemmesleep’ graces your ears.
After loosing an exasperated sigh and running through your options, you decide to take the most effective (and least girl-next-door) route. The corner of your elbow collides with his ribs, and the boy jumps up, his loose, blonde curls as wild as his eyes, searching the room for his attacker.
You want to smile at the scene, but the motion hurts your head.
“Y’gotta go,” you croak out, thumbs rubbing circles against your aching temples.
He collapses onto his back, copying your movement with his own fingers to his brow. “God. I feel like shit.”
Despite muttering your agreement, you let your eyelashes flutter closed and your weight turn you away from last night’s paramour: no use figuring out who he is after the (f)act — that just makes it personal.
After a few breaths, the boy moves back up to a shakey sitting position.
Probably sourcing for his clothes.
He reeks of booze and sex — but then again, so do you. His roughened, unfamiliar tenor climbs to barely above a whisper, “Z’something stuck on my leg… blood, or something…”
His interrupting your suffering comes as a deeply unwelcome annoyance, so you try to sort him out to clear him out: “Prolly just the condom,” you mumble, rolling back onto your shoulders, reluctantly supervising his movements.
He lifts up fully, sitting criss-cross and pulling his calf towards him.
“No,” he tries to laugh but succumbs to the nausea, settling for a low breath instead, “S’blood, dude, from beer darts — and I didn’t use a condom.”
Your eyes immediately dart over, settling on his naked, wretched, shivering form. He notices your ire and the hitching of your throat, immediately defensive.
“I asked if you wanted to.”
Unfortunately, he had. The memories of your drunken entanglement start to resurface inside your mind. “It just feels better without one.” This time, you curse last-night-you for being such a careless, inconsiderate, horny bastard.
You’re making problems for me, girl.
“J’s get out.”
J-whatever spares no time complying, collecting his few strewn belongings and staggering out the front door. Once it slides shut, so too do your poor, weary eyes.
Shit.
There goes the afternoon.
Getting your hands on condoms in the QZ was at least fifteen times easier than snatching a morning after pill. Those were a hot commodity, especially among the younger, less responsible crowds.
Luckily for you, as a member of aforementioned younger, less responsible crowds, you knew where your best chances lay in finding whatever it was you needed (if what you needed was deeply immoral or wholly illegal). Unluckily for you, that ‘best chance’ happened to be your dad’s closest and longest-running business partner: temperamental, judgemental, frustratingly competent, Joel ‘Local Asshole’ Miller.
But that could all be dealt with after another eight hours of sleep.
Opportunity strikes sooner than expected.
Miller’s in your living room by the time you wake up, the low rumble of his southern baritone recognizable even through the closed door. After scrambling to throw on some clothes, you press an ear to the chipping paint, hoping to determine the number of bodies gathered in your home.
Not many. Just Miller (and the old man, of course).
The latter’s presence bodes ill for you. This would all have to be done in secret, which was not an uncommon strategy where ever the former was involved. No one dealt with Joel Miller to conduct clean-cut, wholesome activities. No one was calling him up for a spare copy of the holy book.
No, getting him alone was essential.
A drink slams down on the counter. After a good, patient ten minutes, you hear your father (‘s rather crude way of) excusing himself to the washroom and heavy-set footsteps decrescendoing down the hall.
This is it.
You slip through the door.
At first, your company takes no notice of you, his eyes still glued to the maps and papers littering the counter before him.
Then, a low grumble: “fun night?”
His voice makes you weak in the knees — an involuntary, near ritual-like response you’d noticed around your mid teens and hadn’t managed to kick yet.
You swallow before responding. “Yes.”
It’s all you manage to muster. Miller finally looks up, wincing slightly as his back straightens. He looks tired, at least more than usual, with his wild, grey-streaked hair tousled and the lines by his mouth cutting deep into his skin.
You’re sure you don’t look much better, a suspicion proven by the man’s slowly spreading, barely-noticeable smirk. That gaze makes you self conscious, mute; your right hand snakes up, absent-mindedly dragging a fallen bra strap back to its proper position.
“So, what was his name?”
He’s teasing, sure, but Miller was there last night. He’d always had sharper perceptions than your father did, especially — and ironically — when it came to you. That skill tended to squander your confidence as the daughter of a modern-day mafia-boss and the owner of a hard, violent heart.
Rushed by the sound of your father’s footsteps, you default to honesty.
“I don’t remember.”
“Try.”
“Josh.”
Amusement flits across his stern expression. “Again.”
“Jamie.”
“Warmer.”
“J-J-something—”
“Gettin’ colder, sweetheart—”
“I need the pill.”
It just tumbles out, an exasperated, desperate plea. Miller, a bit taken aback by your candor, drains of his previous playfulness. You almost notice the split second those dark eyes glaze over. For a second, you’re almost convinced he’s distracted by his imagination’s recreations of the act that had you making such a request.
You almost notice the tingling between your thighs.
He stares. You stare back.
Fuck.
It was moments like this that made you wish Tess was still around. Oh, she wouldn’t be any kinder — no, not at all — but she’d certainly be more professional. Tess was all work, no play. Joel was…
You’re enjoying this, you bastard. You’re enjoying that I’m cornered like this, aren’t you?
The bathroom handle clicks when it turns, and your heart drops into your toes.
Maybe Miller really wasn’t going to help you. Maybe he didn’t have the pill and you’d just embarrassed yourself for nothing. Or, maybe he did, but preferred outing you to your dad at the very first opportunity — letting him deal with you the only way he knew how.
Your fears seem confirmed: his eyes leave the grace of your own, trailing back to his big, splayed hands on the countertop. Unwelcome tears burn the corners of your eyes as the panic begins to set in, as footsteps begin to fall…
“Mine. Tonight.”
It’s low and rushed, but it’s clear, cutting off to the sound of your father lumbering in. A man who saw, thought, and lived through transactions, he’s (thankfully) blissfully ignorant of the tension collapsing around him.
“Morning,” he throws your way.
A taunt, of course — it was well past noon.
You nod in acknowledgement, slowly backing into the doorway of your sacred, beckoning room. They resume their conversation from before, letting you sink into irrelevance.
Before shutting yourself in, you catch a few of Miller’s hushed words. They’re spoken casually to your father but, you later decide, surely meant for you:
“Not that one kid — Jeremy — don’t trust him.”
The door seals (well, not seals… it creaks on its rusty hinges and squeezes into its shrinking frame), and relief courses through you, reaching the very tips of your fingers.
That only lasts a minute.
Soon, you’re negotiating with the rising anxiety of being at Miller’s place alone, asking for his help with a problem that could’ve been avoided if you’d only kept your legs shut.
Alone with Miller, the both of you knowing that you hadn’t.
Crawling back under your covers, you begrudgingly make a vow of celibacy. If this was the cost of attention and a (potential) mid-range orgasm, you were about to become very frugal.
Dreams come easy, but they don’t come sweet.
Flashes of last night’s sins overlay Joel Miller’s unintelligible speech, his voice from the next room over lulling you into a rather confusing, disturbed sleep.
At nighttime, it’s a short walk to his building.
Down this alley, past this street, up this back stairwell. Part of being in with Boston’s seedy underbelly gained you access to the best and most up-to-date intel; by the age of twelve, you could run the safest — well, least policed — post-curfew routes from memory.
(Which had come in handy in situations a lot more dire than this.)
Sneaking in was easy, although you cursed him for being so preoccupied during the day. Coming in at this hour required some delicate maneuvers through a half-shattered window, and a less-than-graceful leap down left you with a nick on your cheekbone and a shallow cut along the side of your hand.
Thankfully, the blood mostly dries on your walk up the six or eight or ten flights of stairs. You don’t resent the exercise; it feels good to move, putting the jitters building in every still moment in abeyance.
Still moments like the kind that passes after a barely-audible, coded knock delivered by a girl sucking on the side of her hand, almost wishing for the door not to open.
It does.
He’s in jeans — dirty jeans, dusty — and a simple flannel. It’s Miller — it’s Miller at his most Joel-Miller-like-ness.
So why am I so fucking nervous?
He holds the door open, brows knitting at the sight of your hand in your mouth.
“Window,” You offer.
He mouthes a silent ‘ah,’ before leaning forward to duck his head out the door and, in the process, somewhat sandwiching you against his chest.
Maybe it’s because he smells like forest-fires, but your skin burns red-hot.
Miller looks both ways, checking the status of the hall (empty), then nudges you into the dim light of his place with the weight of his hand against your lower back.
The door shuts behind you.
You’d been here at least a million times before, but the thoughts rising now feel so… new. The jacket strewn on the side of the sagging sofa is his — Joel Miller has sat at this table and showered, slept, fucked inside these walls.
Cut it out. It’s just ‘cause you’re alone. And older.
But what about it, now that you were alone and older?
Old enough to know what goes on between a man and a woman and a little bit of desperation at just the right amounts… and there sure was a lot of him, and some desperation, too…
“Nervous?”
Your feet hit the floor, all thoughts evaporating at the sound of his word. Blushing, you try to de-code his taunt, spoken with playfulness and too much condescension.
“Wh — what’d you — nervous for what? No.”
He’s already across the room, sifting through a box of miscellaneous items. A yellowed lamp shade catches his side-profile, illuminates the smirk spreading across his face. Then, a low command:
“Relax,” and your spine settles, acceding to his wish. “Some girls get nervous, y’know, takin’ it the first time.”
Oh.
You clear your throat, daring to take a step into his place, incensed enough to trace the indents and stab-marks decorating his kitchen table.
“No.”
You’re taken aback by the accuracy and the strength underpinning your answer. It’s true, you aren’t afraid, and hadn’t been afraid of much in a very long while.
What’s a Joel Miller to your best friend’s public hanging? What’s he to a dozen rows of semi automatics raining down on your zigzagging toes? What’s he to a period cramp?
Like a bolt of lightning hitting you in the chest, that cocky, gauche and indelicate rebel you’d grown into reappears.
“I’ve been told I take things pretty well my first time.” The tension rises — this time, at your command — just as Joel does, carrying a leather pouch in his right hand. “And it’s not, anyways,” you add for good measure.
The leather drops onto the marked-up table. Joel crosses his arms.
“Not sellin’ me on givin’ you one of these, sweetheart.”
He gestures to the bag.
A mock-frown as you draw closer to him. His eyes, although severe, reflect the playfulness dancing in your own.
“Why not?” You ask, voice dripping with false innocence.
Joel’s gaze doesn’t stray as it hardens, focused on your own. “They’re for accidents, mistakes, attacks,” he explains, deep and dangerous, “Not girls who can’t keep their pretty lil’ legs together.”
Oof.
On one hand, it sounds like he’s genuinely chastising you for your careless behaviour. But, on the other, he sounds jealous, taunting, hungry.
I’ll play that hand.
Sleeping all day had left you wide awake, and that long-time, school-girl crush on the man before you was dying for content to fantasize about. Even if he pushed you off, you’d get to feel the weight of his hands on your body, right?
So, you return with a taunt of your own: “You think my legs are pretty?”
He shakes his head, his signature scowl spreading as he mostly ignores you. “I think you should at least use condoms,” a breath, “N’ know their first names.”
Ouch.
“I usually do.” you murmur, “and it broke last night.”
“Bullshit.”
“What do you mean, bullshit?”
Joel sighs and lowers himself into one of the four old, rickety chairs lining the table. His hand comes up to his temples and you notice how his legs, exhausted, part.
The man doesn’t deign to respond.
Irritation begins to well in your core, sneaking through your arms and up into your throat. The muscle in your jaw must be twitching like crazy.
How does he know? How the fuck does he always know?
Across the QZ, as a skilled liar and born and bred bandit, people tended to hold whatever image of you that you’d crafted for them.
Not Joel. Never Joel.
He saw through you in a way that had always felt… intimate. It was one of the reasons, you guessed, he didn’t dare spend too much time alone with you and why you’d always been curious about him (as a man, of course). Now, there was no avoiding your obvious vulnerability from either of you — you were stripped bare, your dressings in his hand.
It makes you want to flee as much as it makes you want to leap into his arms.
You snatch up the pouch, opening it up to find a mass of differently coloured and shaped pills. Rifling through, you ignore Joel’s stare boring into your hands’ erratic search.
“Yellow ones,” he says.
“I know what they look like,” you retort.
“‘Course you do.”
He moves faster than he should be able to.
One moment, your palm is slicing through the air, headed straight for the highest point of his cheek. The next, you’re facedown on the table. Your attacking hand is caged in by a much larger, much stronger one, pinned to the decaying wood; the other, he pins behind your back. Pills litter the floor — Joel’s boot crunches into a wayward one as he adjusts himself behind you, leaning over your struggling, smaller frame, immobilizing you with his weight.
“Let go of me—” you hiss, words smothered by the wooden surface pressed to your profile.
“—Shut up ‘n listen,” he commands, leaning over to tower over his trapped victim. “Try that again n’I’ll do worse’n kill you. Understand?”
Despite the authenticity of his threat, a strangled laugh wracks your lungs.
“Gonna turn me in for contraband, Miller? Watch them gun me down in the square?”
You smile through your heavy breaths. There, behind your hips, is a growing movement indicative of some other kind of punishment he’s got in mind.
“Or,” you continue on coyly, “Give me another reason to need that pill?”
Joel pauses, untangling your meaning.
Then, an exasperated scoff. His hold tightens on your wrist and you wince. “You always thinkin’ of the fastest way to get a man to fuck you?”
“Only when his cock’s pressed against my ass.”
He goes quiet — only for a moment. Somewhere outside, rounds echo through the night.
“Z’that what you want?” His voice is deep and threatening, promising of the kind of hard, mind-numbing fuck you’d been craving for weeks.
After a hard swallow, you nod, catching the raise of his eyebrows in your periphery.
A moment passes as he mulls over your answer. Only your shallow, anticipatory breaths populate the quiet space.
“Alright.”
And he lets go.
Heart racing, wrists aching, you flip around to his neutral, impenetrable expression.
“Get down on your knees.”
Without taking a moment to decide whether you’re living anything more than just a really fucked up dream, you sink to your knees, folding your hands in your lap (to stop them from shaking). Before you, Joel’s bulge twitches while he watches you yielding to submission, and you try to ignore the excitement building between your own two legs.
His eyes burn into yours: black, starved, weighty. He tells you to shut your own and you do, unable to resist the tone of his command. Within the self-imposed darkness, Joel’s following order — ‘open your mouth,’ — parts your lips as if they were under his spell. You wonder what you must look like to him, needy and ready to receive whatever you’re given.
He speaks again.
“Show me your tongue, angel.”
The gruffness punctuating his arousal doesn’t let you stand a chance. You let your mouth fall open wider.
Next, there’s rustling. You try to remember whether or not he’d had on a belt, listening and failing to hear the soft clinks of a buckle coming undone.
Too soon, something wraps around your chin — thick, calloused fingers — and the pressure of a thumb running down the middle of your tongue sends a rush of electricity down every stacked vertebrae. It’s slow, tantalizingly slow, as if the man were trying to memorize the feel of every groove, ridge, and bud on his leisurely way out.
When Joel drops his hand, a small weight remains at the back of your throat.
“Close.”
You do, opening your eyes to meet his own: severe and wanting — or wanting for severity?
It’s a pill. That much is obvious once the taste begins to spread, bitter and chemical and totally gag-worthy. He follows up with ‘swallow’ for his own sick enjoyment; by the time he says it, it’s clear that you already have.
What kind of game is this, Miller?
Your cheeks burn when your company kneels down. He places his big, broad hand partly on your neck, partly to the side of your jaw, and you’re still too taken aback to tear it off. The feel of his rough palm against your racing pulse silences every urge to enact revenge. Words don’t come — too quickly forgotten on one’s knees.
“You’re way too easy for your own good, sweetheart,” he near-whispers, shooting to kill in a blow packed tight with condescension. “Don’t let me see you here again.”
And that’s it: your cue to get lost.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Miller pulls away from your reddening skin, straightening to stand. You follow suit soon after, heart pumping lead, tongue bruised by the memory of his touch (more overwhelming than the metallic residue dripping down your throat).
He turns, running a few fingers through his hair. It’s the last look you get before resigning yourself to the journey back home.
Still, before turning the rusted handle, in a brief moment of respite, of clarity, you seize the final word:
“I’m only ‘easy’ when I’m drunk. Or interested.”
Silence courses through the room as Joel registers the meaning behind your confession.
“Goodnight, Miller.”
With that, you see yourself into the hallway, checking its status before tearing into the stairwell.
You barely breathe.
He wanted me — he had to have wanted me.
Miller was a pragmatic player; surely, he’d only bother to play with toys he liked like that… right?
Right?
Unable to clear your head or cool the heat radiating through your core, you take the long way home, the distant sounds of a war between rivals soothing the cacophony of noise swimming between your ears.
For the next two weeks, all you’re able to think about is him.
You think about him when he’s gone and when he’s in the room, grumbling in hushed tones to your father. You think about him when you’re unable to fall asleep, letting your hands slip beneath the waistband of your shorts, imagining your own fingers as thick, tan ones running through the warmth between your legs.
He takes no notice of you — a fact you deeply resent. Even in your skimpiest clothing, he’s like a damn horse with blinders on. You decide, in the past weeks, he’d either acquired the patience of Job or purged every sinful craving from his system when he’d stuck his fingers down your throat.
Naturally, you’re more than happy when, at breakfast (two in the afternoon), your father gives you the heads up about tonight’s gathering at the Bar (which was really just an asbestos-ridden basement equipped with enough prohibition-style gadgets and architecture to host a good ‘strategic meeting’ every other month).
“Everyone’s gonna be there,” he mumbles. “Need you to keep your ears open. Had to take a couple rats out last week…”
Everyone’s gonna be there.
Smiling to yourself, your thoughts start to spin out. Business, distractions, booze. Tonight would host a million opportunities for you to get him alone.
Hope blooms through your chest.
Do your worst, Miller.
“Man, I wish we could’ve experienced cocktails. Straight hooch is ass.”
A peer named Mel, just a year older than yourself, cringes as she sips on whatever murky liquor’s found its way into her cup.
You don’t mind the taste so much, having grown mostly immune to its taste and burn. In fact, you’d come to welcome the subsequent lapse in breath and judgement.
There was little else in this world that made you feel alive.
“Mhm,” you respond absent-mindedly, looking for a familiar scowl among the mass of scowls peppering the crowd.
A sigh to your right. “Always awesome, having your attention.”
The criticism snaps you back into your body. You smile sheepishly at your friend, apologizing through a wince.
She shrugs, her raggedy, pin-decorated jacket jingling with the movement. “S’okay. Known you long enough to know that look.”
For that, she receives a quizzical glance.
Mel comes back with a scoff. “No victims tonight?”
“Oh god,” you shoot her a look of disgust. “Do you mind not using such weird vocabulary? Make me sound like a predator.”
As the words tumble out, you zero in on the object of your search. There he is: eyebrows knit together in concentration, drink in hand, unsurprisingly (and annoyingly) in conversation with your father. A few other stragglers are in the mix, too, but they’re easily overlooked. Time slows to a full stop in his wake —only for the briefest of seconds —
“Well since the last guy actually wound up dead a week later, I think it’s fitting.”
Once again, Mel’s managed to wrangle your interest.
You stare blankly into her onyx eyes, ringlets falling through molasses around her face. “Jeremy?”
And she’s bewildered. “You didn’t hear?”
This time, both of your heads turn in the same direction.
“Ratted to FEDRA about the storehouse off tenth,” she explains, gesturing towards Miller and your father with a tilt of her head. Famous for her bravery, she stoops into your shoulder, averting his gaze and speaking under her breath, “Judging by the way they found him, my guess is it was mostly Miller’s stuff.”
It’s as if she’d screamed it.
The subject of your conversation turns to face you right as your company’s words drift off. Despite the level of noise, the amount of people, and the cloudiness of the air, you’re trapped in the corridor of your mutual stare, cornered.
The challenge, the knowing marking his expression.
“I need some air.”
You twist into the body standing behind you, shoving row after row of criminal scum out of the way. Mel doesn’t follow — she’d never hung around to comfort you, only to inform you. A mutual, typical relationship for the age, and just how things worked in the QZ.
You slam into the door, stomping into a deserted, silent alley, empty save for a few drunk strays. Your lips begin to tingle and a scream builds inside your lungs. Stalking blindly into the night, unsure of your direction, alone in half a top and a plain, ass-length skirt, shivering despite the warmth of the air…
You’re practically begging for trouble.
Just as your eyes catch the numbers on the old, rusted street sign above, just as you realize you’re on a monitored street tonight, only safe after curfew every other Monday and Wednesday, you’re grabbed by the waist, pulled into the space between two buildings, and shoved into a sheltered nook.
A dim, yellow light clicks on automatically. There’s a door (chained closed) leading into the building to your left and darkness to your right.
And there’s Joel Miller above you, his expression indeterminable.
“You asshole,” you barely hear yourself breathe over the sound of the blood rushing in your ears before lunging forward in a useless attempt to, once again, strike his profile.
He catches your wrist, no doubt having anticipated the attack. It’s written on your face, in your eyes, in your shallow, uneven inhalations. He takes your other hand before you’ve even thought to use it, lifting it above your head and slamming it against the old stucco behind you.
“You’re violent,” he says flatly.
He tightens his hold when you struggle against it. “Proud of yourself, yeah? You’re a killer.”
That inspires a slight smirk. You half expect him to return with an ‘as if you didn’t already know that.’
Instead, he says, “Sweetheart, you didn’t even know his name.”
“You should’ve told me.”
And that’s the real source of this anger: it’s rage at being the last to know.
And for what? To protect your feelings? Since when had anyone in your life bothered to do that?
“And don’t call me ‘sweetheart’,” you add for good measure.
You’d wanted him to touch you so badly for weeks now, but here, scorned at being left in the dark and confused at the death of a paramour, you only want to get free.
“And what’d he call you?” He spits, leaning down and in, inadvertently pressing his thigh between your legs — when his breath grazes the skin of your ear, it causes them to part (against your better judgement). “Got lots of names, right?” He continues to tease, “Heard your boyfriend’s pretty one for you before I shut him up — ‘that fuckin’ slut,’ f’I’m rememberin’ right.”
Despite your rage-shakes, you’re warming at the core, Joel’s pressure against it dizzying your already-addled head. It confuses you, makes the scorn easier to access.
“How did I come up, Miller?” You exhale, jutting your chin towards him. “Couldn’t help asking for all the dirty little details, could you?”
He smiles, and the act lacks any sort of kindness. “‘Lot easier gettin’ him alone once he thought he was meetin’ you.” Joel slams your wrist harder into the wall when you try to wriggle away. “Not sure you wanna keep making that kind of impression, angel.”
It’s hard to rationalize with him so close, as his pet-names echoe inside your head. He’d used your name to enact gang-law violence on a boy who’d been inside you, and yet, all you can think, all you can hear, is the way ‘sweetheart’ sounds tumbling off his lips.
“Fucking let me go, Miller,” you manage to exasperate, resenting the begging edge to every word. “I don’t need another abstinence lecture from you.”
Kicking one ankle off balance, Joel turns you around, pressing your stomach to the wall, your back into his chest. Ignoring your whines and pitiful struggle, he wraps a free hand around your neck, pushing your head against his collarbone. Your stomach erupts with butterflies as the rough pad of his thumb traces the front of your throat.
Yes — no — yes, he wants me — no, no, this is wrong, this is so wrong —
“‘Be wasted on you, anyways,” he says, rough and earnest, like his hand sliding down your chest, your breasts, your stomach, “Startin’ to realize if I can’t fix your dad’s mistakes…” and he’s finding the hem of your skirt and yanking it up, bunching the fabric around your hips —
“Might as well take advantage of them.”
He moves hungrily. He’s everywhere, sliding into your underwear and across your breasts, his big arms and suffocating biceps enveloping your entire frame.
“Joel—”
But he claps a hand over your mouth, silencing any hope of your pleas being effective.
“Think I haven’t seen you? Your lil’ looks…” a low laugh, “n’ those fuckin’ clothes?” God, the rumble, the sheer want in his voice hammers at your initial resistance, and you feel yourself welcoming the feel of his thick, long fingers, sliding between your wet folds. You’re clay, melting against the curved, firm wall of his chest.
You mewl pathetically into his palm.
Another low laugh wracks his lungs, dances at the top of your ear.
“Knew you’d be this wet for me.”
“Knew since you got down on your knees,” Joel continues, uncovering your mouth only to ease a few fingers between your lips — lips that part as though commanded, and a mouth that welcomes and caresses whatever it receives, “‘N opened this pretty lil’ mouth for me to fuck it. Can’t close my eyes without seein’ you like that — so fuckin’ needy.” He exhales from between his teeth, signalling his approval while you suck him down to the knuckles.
His fingers tease your clit and you give him your thanks by pleasuring those of his other hand.
When his hands move, it’s to hold you steady and balanced as he drags your underwear down your legs. That thick, heavy cloud of arousal hides any and all rational thoughts from view.
And he knows. He knows you’re past the point of no return, restraining you only out of his desire to rather than out of a real need to. He knows from the whine you breathe at the loss of his hand against your clit, moving to work at his belt buckle instead.
“Gonna use a condom?” You breathe, emboldened by your clearing senses at the temporary lack of stimulation.
At first, you think he’s missed your taunt.
He backs up, pulling your hips along with him until the tips of your fingers are no longer touching the decaying wall before you. Joel pulls you upright and against him with an arm around your waist and a hand around your throat, turning your head and tilting it back to meet your eyes.
You grasp onto his forearms, failing to stand, unable to breathe. His hardness digs into your back, and his cruel eyes show you just how much pleasure he takes in your struggle.
“Don’t like to waste ‘em,” he finally answers, rocking his cock against your spine, “But I will if you beg. You gonna beg?”
He manipulates your answer, fingers moving to your red-hot core — he barely grazes the nerves, only dancing over the needy flesh. You can’t tear your eyes from him either, tethered to your body through his gaze.
Joel Miller was a frustrating lover.
“N-no,” is your answer, slightly strangled and softly stuttered.
He smiles. “S’what I thought.” Then, “Show me what you can do, angel,” he coos, lips just inches away from yours, his hold on your body relaxing —
“Use your pretty lil’ hands n’ put my cock where you want it most.”
And you both know exactly where that is.
After a nod, Joel allows you to bend forward slowly — it’s like moving through honey. Your legs burn with effort as you reach between your legs to wrap a hand around his thick, hard length.
Christ, he’s huge.
He groans when you touch him and uses his own hand to help guide his tip between your folds. One hand holds your waist, fingers extended under your ribs to support your weight in a skilled show of experience.
With his tip at your aching entrance, you try to lean back, to slide yourself slowly down his many inches.
But Joel doesn’t allow it.
He pushes into you in one go, clicking his tongue at your strangled gasp —
The man hadn’t even bothered to open you up with his fingers.
“Ah, c’mon,” he condescends, “You can take it.”
Then he’s setting a hard pace, hands moving from your hips to your ribs to your biceps to your hair to your neck — anywhere he wanted to go, he went. One eventually comes to the front of your throat, tilting your eyes back and up towards the ceiling. Every one of his thrusts arches your back further until you’re contorting into a half-moon shape, standing only by the grace of his support.
And it feels so good. Joel fills you up to the brim, takes you to heaven and floods your ears with hymns, punishes you in the kind of way you’d only experienced in dreams.
Words tumble out, but they’re filled with nothingness. “Joel,” “fuck,” and “yesohgodyes,” quickly become staples of your vocabulary.
He laughs whenever you sob, grows harder every time you moan, restrains you when you try to run away.
The hand around your throat tightens, digging unforgivably into the flesh as you start to let go, as your walls begin to clench and flutter appreciatively around his cock.
“M’I making you happy, sweetheart? My cock making you smile?” He asks gruffly, pulling you back into his chest. Joel readjusts you into whatever shape you need to be in at the new angle, hips still slamming into your ass. Struggling to stand on your tiptoes, he steadies you with his arms and his hand on your jaw, forcing you to look up into his rugged face.
“Mmhm,” is all you can offer him, the pitch jumping up halfway through when the head of his cock grazes that perfect spot inside your cunt.
He doesn’t let up.
“Show me, baby—” he commands, out of breath, too, but not nearly as tortured as you, “—Show me your smile.”
You do your best, smiling up at him, degrading yourself even more at the hands of Joel-fucking-Miller. And he eats it up, loves the way your grin turns into a bitten lip and knit eyebrows over closed eyes, slowing his thrusts to rock even deeper inside you.
You moan something unintelligible, and a laugh rustles through your tangled hair.
“Am I makin’ you come?”
You nod, feeling that familiar rush of pressure blooming somewhere within that throbbing bundle of nerves under his spell.
He smirks in pride and victory, the last look you get before your head falls against his shoulder, your muscles going lax as the peak builds, as your half-sobs grow louder.
“S’it, baby, tell ‘em,” he coos, nipping and sucking the skin on the side of your throat. “Gonna tell the whole street how you take it like a good lil’ slut.”
His fingers fall to your clit, enticing you right over the edge. You vision blurs and your legs shake, but Joel talks you through your orgasm, sweet nothings starting with, “S’right — show me — yes, fuck — good girl…”
And then —
He stops.
You whine, stars dancing before your eyes as the mean, mean man inside you refuses to fuck you through your climax.
“Joel,” you plead, grinding back against him in a pathetic show of need, “Come with me.”
He does the opposite, sliding himself out of your sore opening. You turn to face him, restoring your balance with hands against his chest, gazing up at him in desire-stricken reproach.
“Use your mouth,” he says, voice gruff at your ruined sight and from his own hand on his cock, keeping his arousal level, “Not gettin’ any more help from me.”
It’s unclear whether ‘help’ means pills or his cock, but you assume both to be safe.
You try to argue (having spent the last few weeks dreaming of Joel dripping down your legs) but he just won’t budge.
Then, his voice softens.
“You know your dad’d kill me, angel.”
And it’s really the sweetness of his tone that does it.
Sinking to your knees, it’s déjà vu when you open wide for him, steadying your shaking knees with both hands on his half clothed, half naked hips. Gravel and debris dig painfully into your bare knees, but you ignore the sting, smiling instead at the taste of yourself on Joel’s cock, lips sliding adoringly down the thick length of it.
He groans his approval, tangling his fingers in your hair to help guide your movements.
As you take him in again and again and again, pleasing every inch of him, he chokes out a laugh.
“Never seen you so quiet,” he muses (mostly to himself), caressing your cheekbone with his free hand —
“Gagged by an old man’s cock.”
You pull off, pumping him with both hands, asking breathlessly, “Are you all so big?”
He smiles, eyes darkening at the dirty compliment. “Give you a few numbers n’ you can tell me.”
God, he’s beautiful from down here.
You hold his attention and lick a slow stripe down the underside of his cock, half-grinning up at his lust-filled expression.
“I only want yours, Joel Miller.”
An uneasy inhale as you take him back in, his brows furrowing and his cock growing impossibly harder. Your words please him, he returns by groaning orders and praises like: “S’all yours, baby — take it all — take aaall that dick — good fuckin’ girl.”
He’s so close and you know it, moaning in submission at his hand’s pressure against the back of your head. With your nose crunched into his abdomen, you hold your throat open for him to use it however he pleases — reduced to nothing more than the man’s plaything.
There’s a low “ah, fuck,” from above, and then you finally know what Joel Miller tastes like.
It’s better than the Plan B.
You hear nothing beyond his recovering breaths, feel nothing past pride, lust, and exhaustion.
Eventually, he loosens his grip. You pull off of him delicately, drawing a groan from between his gritted teeth when you make sure to suck every last drop of his seed into your mouth.
Sitting back on your ankles, you roll your head up to face him.
He swipes a thumb under your lips, clearing the saliva connecting you to his softening cock.
“Still mad at me?” He asks.
You’d be crazy to say yes.
“Only for pulling out.”
You note the twitch at the corner of his mustache.
Joel helps you back on your feet, using one hand to pull you up by your arm and another to arrange himself back to decency.
You adjust your shirt; Joel fixes your skirt. It’s a strange kind of silence settling inside this pocket at the side of a random, ruined building.
Then, your company clears his throat, that mask of seriousness falling over his expression once again.
“You gonna be smart?”
What ever could he mean?
Stay away from him? Stay away from men? Practice abstinence? Use protection?
Either way, you’re not one to make promises you know you can’t keep.
You cross your arms.
“No.”
He sighs.
Well, looks like things are already back to normal.
His face softens and he shakes his head, already regretting his next words. “Just — just come find me, then. I won’t do… this again, but — but I’ll help.”
You frown.
“What do you mean, ‘this’?”
He stares down into your accusatory eyes with a look you’d received many times from him, one screaming, “get real.”
“Fine,” you mutter, breaking eye-contact, “Thank you.”
With a stoic nod, he walks around you, heading back into the night. You try, in vain, to watch him go in silence — god knows you had some thinking to get to — and find that, instead of getting it out of your system, the entanglement had only left you wanting for more.
And more and more.
“Is this what you meant?” and you hear his footsteps halt, “When you told me you’d do worse than kill me? When I tried to hit you?”
It comes out before you can help it, and you twist around to face his still, broad shoulders.
You can hear the smile teasing his lips as he utters the words.
“Why are you askin’ me that?”
Still facing his back, you break into a smile of your own. “So I’ll know what I have to do to get you to do it again.”
You watch him shake his head, grey-streaked ripples in the low light.
“Try your best not to find out, angel.”
With that, he disappears into the darkness, leaving you in the flickering doorway. Thighs aching, heart racing, you take a deep breath, trying to memorize the feeling of what it felt to have them taken from you by Joel Miller.
A feeling you’d chase.
Put your red boots on
Baby, giddy up
Baby wants a dance
Baby gets her way
Dreamy nights
Talk to me with that whiskey breath
Twirl me twice
I'll treat you like a holiday
And don't say you're over me
When we both know that you ain't
Don't say you're over me
Baby, it's already too late
Just do what you do best with me
Dance me all around the room
Spin me like a ballerina, super high
Dance me all around the moon
Light me up like the 4th of July
Once, twice, three times
The guy I ever thought I would meet, so
Don't say you're over me
When we both know that you lie
If you lie down right next to me
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
If you lie down right next to me
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
When you lie down right next to me
Get your jacket on
Be a gentleman
Get into your truck
And pick me up at eight
'Cause we were built for
The long haul freight train
Burnt by fire
Without trial like a stowaway
And don't say you're over me
When they all know that you ain't
If you lay down right next to me
Dance me all around the room
Spin me like ballerina super high
Dance me all around the moon
Like six times 'til I'm sick and I cry
Once, twice, three times
The guy I ever thought I would meet, so
Don't say you're over me
When they all know that you're lying
If you lie down right next to me
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
Lie, you lie
If you lie down right next to me
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
Lie, you lie
When you lie down right next to me
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barbieaemond · 5 months
Text
Intrusion (part I)
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moodboard by the queen herself @zae5
PAIRING: (modern) Aemond Targaryen x Lannister!reader
WARNINGS: angst, Aemond has no filter, drug use (very brief), mentions of overdose, suggestive themes, sexual tension (sadly nothing more but part II will be a helluva ride)
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sothoryos is a large continent in Martin’s universe. It is located below Essos.
WORD COUNT: 7k
Song for this fic:
taglist: @zae5 @chompchompluke @multyfangirl
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“What’s up with the green light?”
Jason's voice came distantly, even though he was sitting right next to her. She looked up through her long eyelashes, scanning the mighty, green-lit Hightower from top to bottom, an emerald glow kissed her face.
“How dumb are you? It was a beacon once.” She said mindlessly, dragging her eyes away from the car window to watch her brother crouched on a little mirror with three lines of white powder on it.
“D’you want some?”
“I’m done with that shit.”
“I should hope so.” He chuckled, rolling a banknote between his fingers with the expertise of a magician ready to do his trick. “Dad is still paying the hospital to keep their mouth shut. Not to mention the papers…”
She heard him snort the substance, humming with delight as it reached his brain. She looked at him for a moment, green just like the glowing light on her face. It was so easy for Jason to surrender to the void. She struggled to do even that.
“Speaking of which” he said wiping his nose “he could’ve bothered to come.”
“And watch Otto Hightower gloat in his face? Dad would rather throw checks to the homeless.”
“Why are we here then?” he asked as the car stopped in front of the huge, tall building, the tallest in all the continent.
“Because he wants to remind everyone we are still the wealthiest in this wretched world.” She said she grabbed her little purse and got out of the fancy car as soon as the driver opened her door.
Blinding lights fell on her as photographers took note that the Lannister family had sent its scions to attend the annual Gala held by the Hightowers. A party that had always been held in the capital in the previous years, at least until what the newspapers had called the divorce of the century.
“I would not be so sure about that.” Jason said, squinting his eyes in front of the ruthless flashes. “Papers say Viserys is going to pay a fortune, for alimony and all that shit.”
“Miss Lannister! Here, please! On your right!”
She built a broad smile for the photographers, maneuvering her hair to let it slide down her shoulder, placing a hand on her hip. A well-thought-out act, repeated incessantly for as long as she could remember. A beautiful machine doll bathed in gold and diamonds.
“Do you still read papers?” she asked, not breaking her plastic smile.
“How else should I find out if I've done something illegal?”
“They’re a reliable source on that, less on others. They claim I had a thing with Cregan Stark when even walls know he’s gay.”
They claimed many other things. But she never confirmed or denied the rumors, because it was all part of the plan.
Any rumor of an alleged flirt or talk of an engagement with a scion from one of the old power families of the country only increased the height of the pedestal on which her father and mother had placed her. So that when rumors died, the vultures would come even more savage, raising the stakes to win the most coveted prize in their circle of starched shirts and centuries-old privileges that no longer had any value except in the small, greedy world inside their small, greedy heads.
She moved, swiftly but graciously, and stepped inside the building, followed by her brother and his giggles, and the photographers screaming at the top of their lungs, begging for another picture—just one more. The begging had started already.
The Hall of the Hightower Palace was a sight to behold. Adorned with green and dark tones, crystal chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings and yellow cocktail music pushing all the fine-dressed people to chat and laugh more loudly as if they unconsciously tried to imitate the lively ups and downs of the notes.
The Lannisters lingered on the entrance, immediately catching many pairs of eyes, greedy and green as the decorations around them.
“Are they waiting for us to go greet them?” Jason asked, watching the Hightowers at the center of the Hall. “Gods, why do they always act as if they were royals and us merely subjects?”
"Apparently, it has been proven they have hints of blue in their blood.”
“Who’s the blondie?” he asked, taking his sister’s arm as they walked towards the hosts.
“Helaena Targaryen.”
“Oh! The freak?”
“She’s not a freak. She’s a renowned entomologist.”
“And my point stands.”
Miss Lannister knew all the four Hightowers waiting to be greeted. After all, who didn't?
Otto Hightower was the most influential man in the country, although he liked to hide and pull his strings behind the curtains. They said that family and strangers made no difference to him. His daughter Alicent would agree with a stiff lip.
She wore the most lavish dress of all, but that was not what caught the eye, but rather the determination in her gaze and the way she stood. A woman free from the chains of a marriage she had never wanted.
“It is a pleasure to have both of you here.” She said smiling at the two Lannisters. Her father Otto was towering just behind her, a curious look on his face as his eyes rapidly scanned Miss Lannister.
In fact, he stepped in, saying “Indeed, Alicent. Especially Miss Lannister. I’m relieved to see you well.”
After what happened in Pyke, was the part he deliberately omitted.
The young woman looked at him, unfazed, building another one of her plastic smiles and then directed her attention to the youngest son of Alicent and Viserys Targaryen. Daeron.
The boy was no more than twenty, but he had a way of standing and carrying himself, which gave him at least five more years. That was the price of being doomed to inherit a heavy family name and all within it. The young Lannister girl understood it all too well.
As for Helaena, she seemed the most out-of-place creature, like watching a dolphin swim along sharks. The Lannister girl didn’t know her that much; truthfully no one did. Helaena was always far away from the country for her studies, traveling to the edge of the world to discover wild and rare creatures. She had a way of avoiding eye contact, Miss Lannister noticed, if not for brief and furtive glances, as if she was afraid that if she looked too much, she would see too much.
“And you don’t call that a freak?” Jason asked once they moved away from the Hightowers.
“You are just sour because she barely looked at you.” his sister answered, grabbing a flute of champagne from a passing waiter.
“Hey. I’m nice to look at!” he said gesturing to his figure.
“You tell yourself that.” she sipped her bubbly like water, barely tasting it, as her eyes roamed around the lavish hall, watching the same old play unfold, with the same old puppets. And she was one of them, perhaps the main star, ready to follow the script and never stray from it. It was her purpose in life. A well-trained parrot with a melodic laugh and the stillness of a porcelain doll.
She looked around and saw the eagerness, the anticipation as they bided their time before flocking to her, begging for flesh and money and power, each one of them so eager to sell one piece of themselves to be on a golden plate, the very same on which everything was always freely given to her. Things, places, people. The Golden Girl, they called her. She was born in it, she reflected it. She never had to ask, she never had to beg for anything. While everyone around her seemed to be able to do nothing else.
"Miss Lannister, we would love to have you as our guest in High Garden. Please, consider our invitation."
"Miss Lannister, did your father receive the gift I sent him last week? Please, have him contact me as soon as possible, I have another proposal for a collaboration."
"Miss Lannister, please, convince your father not to cut off the funds, I wouldn't know what to do without the invaluable support of your bank.”
“Miss Lannister, please—"
Please. Please. Please. Please.
They all came muffled, the beggars and their begging, as if speaking from the surface while she was deep down underwater, floating. Then the puppet would take over, moving haughtily and mischievously, promising lies with empty smiles and stolen words. The same old power play, to tell the world the Lannisters were far above it.
But amid the muffled chatter and greedy eyes, there was one in particular, stripped of all reverence, blue and cold as the eye of the scientist dissecting something under a microscope.
He had placed her under the lens out of pure boredom.
He never attended these kinds of gatherings, at least not after Sothoryos, not after Floris. He was there only because his mother had insisted, almost pleaded with him. This was the first public event after the divorce. It was essential to appear close, united.
The word tasted rotten in Aemond's mouth.
He had made sure Aegon would not attend, and had come in through the back, creeping into the hall like a spectre.
Alicent had seen him at once, her eyes widening with surprise as if she were certain he would not come. And they had barely talked.
She had kissed him on the cheeks with that look in her eyes, the one that rose tenderness and contempt at once inside him, twin flames mirroring and dancing around each other. His mother's lips opened and closed repeatedly, like a record needle cutting the same groove on and on without making a sound. And he had no desire to fix that.
Once, maybe. He had nurtured so many unspoken words that they had ended up souring and festering the more he held them back, locked in a dark corner where no light filtered. So, his mouth stayed sealed and silent, like a tomb.
He had withdrawn to a corner of the hall, watching as the people lingered with their gazes on his dead eye, half curious, half scared. Something he was all too used to. He found himself cursing under his breath for wasting time in such a vapid and useless way. He could have been at home, studying, or working in the basement.
But then he had spotted her.
It was hard not to.
The moment she had entered the hall with her brother, it seemed she had drawn all attention to herself, absorbing all the light from the chandeliers. It seemed that her golden dress was truly made of gold.
Aemond had seen her once or twice in the past and each time, two distinct thoughts had rapidly crossed his mind.
First: that she was a pretty doll with more money in her pocket than cells in her brain.
Second: that he wouldn't mind taking her doll's clothes off.
No man with sense would have denied her beauty, but the more he looked at her, the more he saw how dry she was, how cold, like a sculpture doomed to live the same moment forever.
It was all scene, all pose. And Aemond understood it at once since he himself had enacted the same play in the years past. He knew what it meant to be an inanimate thing waiting to be moved by others, for duty or loyalty. Things that had lost all meaning to him once he’d found out that the more he latched on these things, the more hollow he felt.  
He watched the Lannister girl build fake smiles at each turn and he found himself grimacing, feeling pity for her, almost contempt. Perhaps she was just a tool, an extension of his former self for him to loathe, like spitting into a mirror.
But he just couldn’t stop watching.
She had a way of making the place where she stood like some kind of holy shrine and everyone around her kept scrambling to fall at her feet. She had a way of moving, slowly, like a creature living underwater. She would lean forward as she listened to people, only to retreat when it was her turn to speak, and she did it quietly, making the privileged speaker unconsciously lean towards her.
A tactic—a working tactic, though. Because Aemond had found himself craning his neck forward more than he would’ve liked to admit, and he wasn't even close to her.
“Choosing your next victim?”
He turned on his blind side as Helaena stopped beside him, handing a flute of champagne.
“Hāedar.” he said, taking the glass “Don’t say that. With all the shit they say about me, tomorrow they might title I’m a serial killer.”
“Well, you do have a dank basement in your place. And with the way you keep looking at the Lannister girl, it would be hard to beat the allegations.”
He looked down at the sizzling bubbles and curled his lips. Helaena did the same as her blue eyes scanned his face. Of all her brothers, she had always had the closest bond with Aemond. Born only one year apart, they had grown up as close as twins. Helaena did not look down when she talked to Aemond; she did not stutter or struggle to voice her thoughts as she did with anyone else. And his lips, which struggled so much to voice his emotions, always curled up in the most spontaneous way when they spent time together.
“You won’t get away with a smile, though.” She pointed out after a sip of bubbly “You barely talked to me earlier.”
“I was afraid our mother would stir up a hornet’s nest seeing me here.”
“She was sure you wouldn’t come.”
“I shouldn’t have. This place smells of coffin.” 
She watched him for a moment, trying to guess his mood and, therefore, whether it was a good time to speak. “Did you get my message last week?”
His eye remained fixed on the elated crowd, but Helaena didn’t miss the slight twitch in his lips. “I did.”
“You didn’t answer.”
“What was there to say?”
“Aemond, I know you have your grudges, but... he’s our father and he’s severely ill. He wants to see us, all of us, at Summerhall, next month. I want to believe he’s changing and—”
“Must I remind you what happened the last time we had a family heart to heart?”
She did nothing but cast a single, saddened glance to his dead eye and all her willingness to talk and try to make things better withered like a leaf in a frosted land.
“He’s changing because he already has one foot in the grave. Quit the fancy words, Hel, he’s not changing. He’s just trying to relieve his conscience. A bit late for that, no?” and he downed his champagne in one gulp.
“Aem—”
“I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t care.” He said, slipping his pack of smokes from his pocket and placing one cigarette between his lips. He glanced one last time at his sister and with the coldest distance he said “But do let me know when he dies. I'll toast to that.”
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She had had three flutes of champagne while talking to a countless number of faceless beggars when she started to feel nauseated. She didn’t even know by what, whether it was the champagne, the people, or herself. Perhaps all of them.
The cold night air embraced her as she went out on the terrace, making the hairs on her arms stand and her half-covered spine shiver. She had not brought her coat with her, but she did not mind. The cold awoke her from her torpor, made her stop being a relic on a mantelpiece.
She slipped a cigarette between her lips and looked into her purse for the lighter. "No, no, no—" she said to no one, frantically feeling every nook and cranny of the purse. "Fuck!"
"Here."
She jumped, turning her head just in time to see a lighter flying towards her. She caught it, staring at the dark corner on her left. There was a man sitting there, wrapped by the shadows, except for a thin white hand laying on the table, long fingers, and half a cigarette resting between index and middle.
She squinted, trying to get a better look. “I can’t see you.”
“I do.”
It was just a simple statement, but his tone was strange, riddled with an edge of shrewdness.
She stared at the dark figure for a moment longer, then lit her cigarette and walked a few steps closer.
"I would like to know who I'm speaking to, stranger." She said, handing over the lighter.
A moment later the shadow stood up, and she had to lift her chin as she watched the glow of the lamps unraveling his face, sharp like a knife. The air hitched in her throat, her gaze inevitably caught by the blue of his eye, as well as the dead blue of the prosthetic. "Oh."
His arched mouth bent upwards. "Define your oh."
“It’s just a oh, you’re not a stranger after all.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, curiously tilting his head with a ghosting grin “What do you think you know about me? Aside from what you read on gossip papers.”
“I don’t read gossip papers.”
“Yes, you do. All the girls like you do that.”
“All the girls like me?”
“Dolls with a trust fund to squander before forty.”
She raised her eyebrows, quickly scanning the young man before her. He was clad in black, with a black turtleneck and a leather jacket, accentuating his sharp features and pale face framed by short hair, a bit curly but neatly styled. “You’re the one to talk, Mr. I have blue blood in my veins.”
“I don’t work for my family.” He said matter-of-factly “They don’t pay my rent and they don’t cover up my shit.”
“Mine neither.”
His eyebrow raising was enough to dismantle her lie right away. “Papers say otherwise.”
“Do you trust papers and their cheap rumors?”
“Hmm. Trust is a strong word. But true or false, rumors are often more revealing than facts.” he took a long drag on his cigarette, narrowing his eyes and she watched as the dead one remained unnaturally still. It was not disturbing, she thought. It gave him a sinister allure, catching her off guard.
“Then I should believe all the rumors about you and your...charming mystery.”
“They say I’m charming now?” he asked with a smirk.
“I believe they called you a sphinx” she deadpanned “before claiming you hit a journalist, a woman.”
“And which one do you think is more likely?”
She looked at him uncertainly. Well, he was charming. But he was a lot more mysterious. More than a sphinx, Aemond Targaryen was a living riddle.
Even before the accident in Sothoryos, from where he returned with an eye missing, the second-born son of Viserys Targaryen and Alicent Hightower was a foggy figure, often in the shadows, more than often in the shadows of someone else, his half-sister Rhaenyra, his older brother Aegon. And after Sothoryos, he seemed to have grown his own shadows, distancing himself from his family and dropping his academic career to do Gods-know-what in a small flat in the oldest quarter of Oldtown.
“Both?” she dared.
He clicked his tongue, looking away with disappointment, and flicked the cigarette. “Too easy. And now you’re boring me.”
“I shall take my leave, then.” she chirped with a tight smile.
“Don’t expect me to follow you. I am not one of those wankers inside who come in their pants as you bat your fake eyelashes.”
The smile left her face instantly, and she glared at him, throwing her half-cigarette on the ground. “It is true, then. Royals do act like the rudest jerks.”
Instead of looking offended, her words seemed to do nothing but tickle his pride—some kind of gratification that poured like poison from the angles of his mouth. “I don’t act. But if I wanted to, I'd know who to turn to.”
“Meaning?” 
“And you keep boring me.” his eye went momentarily below her neck, and he tilted his chin “Are those pretty diamonds slowing blood to your brain?”
Miss Lannister looked stunned. No one, ever, dared to talk to her like that.
She was used to being praised and begged and praised. A beautiful portrait framed by gold and hung on a wall for all to see. She should have been outraged, she should have used her last name as shield and threat. But for once, she was breathing on her own, free of any strings.
“Are they real?” he asked suddenly, and she stilled as his hand ghosted on her necklace, feeling his cold fingertips hovering above her skin.
“Of course they are.”
“Hmm.” He mused, pulling his hand back as he continued to stare at the necklace and then down at her dress.  “They serve their purpose I’d say.” he said dragging his eye back to her face.
“Slowing my brain?” she asked with a little vitriolic smile.
“Hiding all the fake beneath them.”
“Who are you, a fortune teller?” she spitefully asked. “Do you possess the Third Eye as well as the Fake One?”
“One eye is enough to see right through you, golden girl.”
“And why were you watching me if I am so blatantly obvious?”
He almost shrugged his shoulders. “These parties are dreadfully boring. I was in need of a distraction, and you were hard to miss.”
“I could say the same about you.” Her gaze flicked for an instant to his dead eye. “Except that I don’t hide in dark corners from my own family.”
Whether he was stung by her words or not, his composure remained utterly impassive. A sphinx through and through.
“No. You do it before them.” An amused smile, spiced up with poison, curled his lips. “At least I have the dignity to disappear instead of begging for attention like a pathetic creature.”
Her words did not sting, but his surely did. And they shouldn’t.
They had crossed paths once or twice in the years prior, but effectively, Aemond was but a stranger to her. She wasn’t even aware of him watching her inside the hall, maybe too absorbed in her puppet play, or maybe resigned to scream into a crowded room of deaf mannequins.
She swallowed heavily, not dropping her gaze, waiting for all the gold to shield her, hide her, serving its purpose once more. But Aemond had a strange look in his eye. He was staring at her, and what he saw thrilled him.
He was sure he would see harshness, contempt, but not that. Not…anguish. It was buried in her pretty eyes and yet it just lied there in full sight, the darker shade of abyss beneath the crystalline blue of the deceiving surface.
If only someone had bothered to look.
“You remind me of someone.” he said almost mindlessly.
“Do I dare asking or do you wish to offend me some more?”
He seemed to ponder for a while, looking at her as if he were measuring an opponent.
“Come with me. I’ll show you.”
He moved, leaving the terrace without waiting for her, sure enough she would follow him. And she did.  
Not immediately, though. She stared at his tall figure as he went back inside and thought she should go back to the party, go back to the script. There was something uncanny, almost eerie about staying close to him, like walking on the thin thread of a cobweb while being dreadfully aware to be walking towards the spider’s bite.
But the dread made her feel alive, made her heart pounding in her throat. So, she followed him.
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“I didn’t know your family had it.” She said with a tinge of amazement as they stopped before the painting gloriously exhibited along one of the lavish corridors upstairs. “I thought it got lost during some war.”
“It was.” He said, stopping beside her, eye roaming on the canvas.
“Did I remind you of a lost anonymous painting?”
“You reminded me of the Maiden.” And his eye flicked to the left of the painting. Then he dragged his gaze on her, turning his head, and watched her. “Do you know the story?”
“The myth?”
“You don’t believe it to be true?”
“I don’t believe in Gods. Or myths.”
“That is strange, coming from a girl who spent so much time building her own.”
She turned her head and looked at him. He was smiling subtly, but it was different this time. There was no poison dripping from the angles of his mouth, but the clearest intrigue.
It stopped her heart for a moment. A sudden cut in the canvas, a crack in the porcelain. And she felt that this stranger was peeking inside, or perhaps she was.
Aemond looked back at the painting and laced his arms behind his back, making the leather of his jacket creak. “They said once there was a land inhabited only by Gods and Monsters. The Maiden was the most beautiful Goddess in the Holy Garden. She grew flowers from her hands, trailing behind her as she walked. But she was unhappy. The Gods only sought her for her gift, used her as a piece of ornament. She was beautiful on the outside, but inside—”
“Lonely and hollow.” she filled in.
“Just like the Stranger.” he said, and they turned at the same time, locking their eyes.
Aemond glanced back at the ominous figure in the painting and said “He was not allowed to enter the Gods world. He lived underground, blowing his mortal winds to call the souls into his realm of death. But then he saw her. He dried her tears through his wind until one day—”
“He took her.” she filled in once more. “He used the wind to tie her hands with the flowery branches she grew and kidnapped her from the Holy Garden.”
“Are you sure kidnapped is the right word?”
“According to the myth? Yes. You might have been a great scholar, but I’m not a goat.”
He chuckled quietly, and the sound made her turn again to watch him.
He held her gaze as amusement left his marbled features, and without taking his eye off her, he tilted his chin towards the painting “Look at her. Look at her face and tell me what you see."
She did so, observing the anguish, the dark trepidation on the Maiden’s face.
“She is frightened.”
“Is she?” he asked, and suddenly he was almost behind her. His breath tickled her ear like the wind on a hot summer day, and her breath hitched once more. “Look into her eyes.” he whispered on her nape “Is it fear to be taken…or desire?”
She swallowed, keeping her eyes fixed on the painting, and dug her nails into the expensive fabric of her little purse. “Art is not math.” she said with confidence “There is not one undisputable interpretation.” And she turned to face him “So unless you painted that, and I have some doubts, you say she’s keen on being taken. I say she’s frightened.”
Aemond stared at her for a moment with a strange new look on his face, as if someone had just issued a challenge to him. His blue eye was wide, and the little smirk was peeking through his lips. “Do you ever choose a position, golden girl?”
“I think I just did.”
“Allow me to rephrase, then. A less boring position.”
She opened her mouth to retort, but he was faster. “Let me show you something a little less ambiguous.”  
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"Wow, these are beautiful," she said as they climbed the stairs to the floor above the one where the glorious anonymous painting stood. On the angled wall, a series of photographs were exhibited—portraits, precisely—all in black and white.
"Are we complimenting each other now?" he asked, halting on a step.
She looked at him doubtfully for a moment before slightly widening her eyes. "What, these are yours?"
He gave her a simple nod, and she looked back at the portraits.
"My mother put them here. Her way to prove she cares, I guess." He said absent-mindedly, as if conversing about the weather. 
The Lannister girl watched him closely, in search of something that would betray such a cold statement, but there were no cracks, no cuts.
"The great mystery unraveled.” She said forcing a dramatic tone “Aemond Targaryen is a photographer."
"I am not. I don’t do it for a living.”
“Yes, because you don’t need a job to get by.”
“Look who’s talking.”
She glared at him, trying with poor success to stifle a smile.
“It's just an interest." He stated.
"A passion." she dared to suggest.
"I wouldn't call it that. Passion preludes emotion, ardor. Photography is nothing like."
She watched him fold his arms behind his back in a peculiar way, grabbing his forearms with his hands. He had done the same thing earlier, in front of the painting. The gesture caught her attention then, as it did now.
"What is it then?" she asked, trailing her eyes back to his face.
He stared at her for an impossible long time before answering. “Revelation.”
She looked back at the portraits and observed them thoroughly. There were some men caught behind the camera, but the majority were all women. Young and beautiful women.
The portraits were majestic, she considered. He had found a way to toy with light which made these people look like glimpses from an otherworldly dimension, flashes of dreams.
No, not dreams, she thought.
The light was cruel, exposing, cutting. And all the subjects seemed to have been caught in a moment of great distress, flowing almost into a grotesque despair.
Flashes of nightmares.  
The sight made her lips part, her skin shiver with eeriness and something else, something she could not name. The same basic instinct that had pushed her to follow him. These people, made eternal by black and white, were dressed, but their souls utterly naked before the eye.
“I wouldn’t call it revelation…”
“And what would you call it?” he asked, stepping beside her to watch the portrait, not missing her little startle when his elbow brushed against hers.
She took a deep, silent breath and turned her head to look at him. "Intrusion.”
“Hmm.” He mused, slipping his pack of smokes from his pocket “Intrusion of which kind?”
He placed the cigarette between his lips only to see her hand snatching it away, but slowly, just like she was used to move, so much that her fingertip brushed his upper lip. “Any kind.” she answered and his eye fell on her rosy lips closing around the filter.
His mouth twitched, as if her light brushing had lit his skin aflame, and he moved unconsciously, bringing the lighter close but pausing, his thumb lingering on the little wheel, and he looked at her, just as she looked at him.  
When he pushed his finger to light the flame, the short metallic sound came through with a strange finality, a curtain dropping after the first act.
She lit the cigarette and took a long drag, glancing at the portraits and then back at him. “Did you fuck these women?” 
“No.” was all he said, hiding a little smirk as he slipped another smoke between his lips. He saw her raising her eyebrows with clear disbelief, so he clarified. “Not all of them.”
“I bet they revealed themselves thoroughly.”
“They were more than keen to do it.”
“And did you?” she countered, tilting her head, lowering her voice so that once again, he found himself leaning towards her, like a moth to a flame. “Did you reveal yourself as well? Did you let them intrude?”
“Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.”
She clicked her tongue and laughed—the very first genuine laugh she could conjure up in the span of hours, or even days. “Now you’re just trying to impress me.”
“Yes. And unfortunately for you, it is working.”
She gave him a bemused look at his brazen statement, but she felt strangely exposed under his unblinking stare, a hand ending her ceaseless floating to anchor her against the seabed.
“I want you to come to my place," he said suddenly, his voice kept quiet, almost soft, to the verge of whispering. It wrapped her senses like a soothing lullaby.
“I want to take your picture.”
“Why? To end up on this wall and in your bed like dozens of girls before me?”
“Dozens?” he raised an eyebrow “I’m flattered.”
“Don’t be.”
“Hmm” he crooned, cocking his head to one side, a contented expression stretching on his face, much like a cat licking its whiskers. “Envy doesn’t suit a Lannister.”
“Envy?” she repeated, laughing scornfully. “You’re an arrogant brat, has anyone ever told you?”
“Many in fact. So, shall we?”   
“Shall we what?”
“Pity, I thought you had stopped boring me.” He said pocketing his lighter “Stay here playing the doll with those old fogeys, if you like. I’m leaving.”
She had only time to blink and he was gone, leaving her on those steps with the foreign, unsettling longing to follow. Her feet moved on their own, dragging her back to the party with an urgency shaking her bones, pushing her eyes to dart in every corner of the hall, moving amongst the people as if chasing the wind.
“Oh, there you are!” Jason pulled her to him, and she stilled, as she was used to, but everything inside her kept moving. “That Lonmouth smartass came at me screaming like a chicken.” Jason said with cocaine pupils, slurring words after words “as if it’s Dad’s fault that he’s an idiot. Put him in his place, would you? I’m too high, I might stick a fork between his eyes. D’you you want to hear something funny?”
“No, Jason. I don’t.” she replied absently, looking around once more “Listen, did you see Aemond Targaryen?”
“What?”
“Nevermind.” She said, wriggling herself from his hold, but he was fast to pull her back “Sis, why are you looking for that creep?”  
“Let me go, Jason.”
“Listen to me. First the shit show in Pyke and now Aemond One Eye? Dad would not be happy to know you are—”
“Dad would not be happy to know fucking anything that he has not concocted and told us to do. And I’m tired of it, Jason.” She hastily broke free from his grip, alerting the well-dressed people around them, but she ignored them altogether. “Just this once, you’ll have to play the puppet. I’m done for tonight.” she tugged the pocket square from his jacket and threw it at him. “And wipe your nose, for Gods’ sake. There’s coke on it.”
She wandered inside the huge hall like walking through quicksand, sinking a little more any time another man or woman stopped her to chit chat, to ask her about her father and the bank and the next slot in her father's agenda.
As if she had any clue. As if her father had not dismissed any of her natural vocations  like wrong bills to be fed to the shredder only to make her study economics, only to frame her degree, and then instruct her himself to specialize in the sacred act of parading herself around like a rare stuffed creature.
“Here you are.” A hand slipped around her waist, and she found herself enveloped by two familiar hands. “I’ve looked for you anywhere.”
“Quentin.” She said, looking into the dark glinting eyes of Quentin Martell, slightly wrinkling her nose for the heavy male perfume in which he had apparently dunked his suit.
His eyes scanned her slowly, looking like he wanted to peel her dress off like an orange. “Always outshining anyone else, are you?”
She looked away, stifling an exasperated sigh, all too used to Quentin’s redundant flatteries.
“This party is dead, isn’t it? And rather self-celebratory from the Hightowers. As if they don’t owe their current position to Viserys Targaryen.”
She glanced at him and saw her father talking. It was one of his favorite refrains at breakfast, lunch or dinner. It made no difference to him. Any time was a good time to incense themselves as the best, the wealthiest, the proudest, and hundreds of more superlatives that made the food instantly go rancid in her mouth.
Distractedly, her eyes roamed around, numbing her ears while Quentin kept talking. It was then that she saw him. He had not left.
Holding a glass of some liquor, he seemed to be in deep conversation, or rather on the receiving end of a soliloquy from his grandfather, who was leaning slightly over him, almost talking to his ear.
His eye was absently buried to the floor, one long finger tapped against the glass. A couple of words she could not make from that distance slipped from his mouth, resigned as his whole demeanor.
She thought she was looking into a mirror.
“Honey, are you listening to me?” Quentin asked at some point, tightening the hold on her waist. “Who are you looking at so rapt?”
“No one.” she hurried to say. But Quentin was quicker to follow her gaze before she dropped it.  “Aemond One Eye?” he said on the verge of mockery. “Baby, he is so out of your league.”
She cocked her head and plastered a tight smile on her lips. “And precisely, what do you know about my league?” 
“You know what I mean. How blind can you be not to notice that your brother has been screwing your girlfriend behind your back for months? Oops, sorry, wrong metaphor.”
“Both the Baratheons and the Targaryens have denied it.”
“Sure, sure. Then why the Baratheons were not invited tonight? And why did the one eyed come? He never does. Oh wait, look at that, Aegon’s missing. Not surprising though, didn’t they say Targaryens used to fuck amongst their own in the old times?”
She lowered her gaze, lost in thought, and then turned her head, instantly widening her eyes, shoulders tensing when she saw Aemond looking straight at her, sipping his drink, straightening the cobweb’s thread on which she had been tottering until that moment.
“Baby, are you high again?” Quentin asked her, with a genuine, inquisitive tone.
“What?”
“You’re shivering. Greyjoy told me everything about that night. Said you went batshit crazy on coke. Depraved as he is, it’s actually a good thing that you OD’ed. That creep would have fucked you even that stoned.”
She immediately grabbed his arms, trying to wriggle out of his hold. “Let me go.”
“Oh, come on.” He nothing but hold her more tightly. “I know you like to get a little freaky once in a while. I do, too. In fact, why don’t we take a tour upstairs? We could cheer up this drag.”
“No. Quentin, let me go.”
“Come on.” He insisted, pulling her to his chest.
She had to step on his foot to shake him off. “Let me cut straight to the point. I won’t fuck you, Quentin. Not tonight, not even if you were the last man left on this earth.”
He grimaced, spitefully twisting his mouth like any man who's been denied the chance to feel like a man for a few minutes. “I had warned Greyjoy about this. I told him you’re a spoiled cunt. You know what? You should get with that Stark fag. He may fuck your ass, so maybe you’d feel something 'cause I’m sure as hell your cunt is drier than the Red Waste.”
The insults were also part of the play.
After all, the act might not please everyone in the stalls. “Just shrug them off. They’re praises, actually, disguised bitterly for what they cannot have.” her mother said “Besided, a lion does not concern itself with the opinion of the sheep.”
When she was younger, each bitter word was a giant finger pointed at her, a gavel sealing the next judgement. Her mother had tried with all her carelessness to teach her how to be exactly that. Careless, a river flowing in its direction no matter the filth that would pollute the waters.
But she was draining, ever since Pyke, perhaps long before that.
She was tired of pretending to be gold while her fingertips seemed to leave behind nothing else but ash.
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Thank you so much for reading!! If you like to be tagged when I post part II, leave a comment below 🫶
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buddy-daddies · 1 year
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there is something SO profoundly beautiful about two people dedicating themselves to one another and a child not tied to them by blood for life.
two people who left behind their jobs, their remaining blood ties, the lives they knew for this child and the partner who'd changed the world for them, who'd opened up a brighter future for this little family of theirs.
rei willingly gave up his dominant arm — his deadliest weapon, leaving himself vulnerable and weak in the eyes of his father but the strongest and bravest man alive to kazuki and miri — when he shot himself, rendering himself permanently disabled (at least from the looks and sound of it), symbolically severing the tie with that wretched suwa blood that has haunted him and paving the way for a safe future for his family.
two people who have made it work for over a decade, who opened up a business together to support their family, who proudly display all of the loving photos they've taken throughout the years in the diner for anyone to see.
the show has always had a queer premise. sure, i know some will be upset that we didn't get a romantic ending, and that one line from miri about kazuki going out with a girl for drinks will definitely rub some the wrong way. i think that, despite everything, despite the fact that they wobbled a bit with the execution, this remains a queer story about two same-sex life partners who raise a child together, even if it wasn't entirely the intent of the writing staff. there is this undeniable love between rei and kazuki that doesn't fit quite right into any labels, and frankly it doesn't need to. they're partners, and they're family. whatever it is they have going on, they're happy, and that's so unbelievably, achingly beautiful.
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hollowtones · 1 year
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Do you think Benrey is a sexy man? Like, in general? 🧐🎤
u can change the pairing name as much as you wretches want but I will still think kylo ren & rey is a very badly written relationship no matter what you call it
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ciderbird · 5 months
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“You are sleeping, miserable wretch, and a load of affairs await you. You are neglecting your duty and give yourself to sleep and to pleasure, and unfortunates are suffering while you are wallowing on your mattresses. For shame! You do not have the courage to overcome the idleness that has always been your prerogative. Get up, shake off the yoke of your own weakness, become again a man and citizen useful to your country.”
- Alexander I reproaching himself for his time spent partying upon ascension to the throne (excerpt from Marie-Pierre Rey, Alexander I - the Tsar Who Defeated Napoleon)
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Could I request Kazuki and Rei with a female doctor reader who specializes in making medicine and poisons?
Kazuki & Rei + Doctor reader
The bell over the door to Kyutaro’s shop chimed as you walked in. Seeing the owner behind the bar, as usual, greeting you with a soft smile. “Good evening [Y/N]-san.”
“Good evening Kyutaro-kun,” you reply back. “Where are they?”
“In the back.” His head ticked over toward the kitchens where usually no one was allowed. “I couldn’t have them bleeding all over the place in case real customers came in.”
“That’s fair.”
You head towards the back with your bag and open the door to find Kazuki & Rei sitting there on boxes of produce. “Good Lord, what happened to you two.”
“Job went south.” Rei muttered. What looked like a frozen bag of peas nestled against his face.
“It got a little off track.” Kazuki corrected. Trying to put his usual positive spin on things, even if his head was bleeding and he was clearly going to have a shiner in the morning. “The job was fine. Our exit was the part that went array. We fell out a window.”
“You fell out a window. I got pulled down with you.” Rei’s turn to correct the story of events.
You let out a sigh and open up your bag. “Well, at least your both still alive I suppose.” You start removing your instruments and supplies out of the bag on Kyutaro’s prep table before turning to ask, “who wants to go first?”
Kazuki volunteers. Like a usual good sport. His head wound was mostly superficial. They just tend to bleed a lot. He chatted all through his stitches and gladly offered up his arms when you when to deal with his cuts.
Rei on the other hand…..
“You really gonna fight me on this?”
“I’m fine.” He muttered as he sat motionless on his produce box seat.
“You have a busted shoulder.” You tell him. As if he didn’t know. “I can tell you have a partial dislocated shoulder. And your favoring your left side when you lean, so I take your ribs are cracked too. Plus your bleeding.” Rei glared at you, while Kazuki muttered ‘that’s amazing’ behind you. “Come on Rei. This will go a lot easier if you just let me do it.”
He seemed to want to protest further, but then relaxed. Or as much as Rei could relax; particularly in his injured state. You shuffle forward on your knees and wrap your arms around him. “Deep breath now.” You whispered in his ear. Feeling his chest expand & exhale before you wretched his shoulder back in.
It’s a very painful process. But the only sound that Rei  made was a choked sort of noise in his chest in response. You pull back and take a look at his face. “Want me to wrap your ribs now?” Rei didn’t say anything, but started to slowly remove his suit jacket and shirt to give you access.
“It’s always incredible how you do that.” Kazuki said behind you. Getting your attention. “He never lets anyone do this for him. Not even me sometimes. Really speaks to how good of a doctor you are, [Y/N]-chan.”
You smile at Kazuki before turning back to your current patient. “It’s about trust.” You look up at Rei and catch his gaze. Unmoving and unwavering, but also not unsympathetic to what you just said.
You carefully wrap some bandages around his ribs and let him put his shirt back on. “Ok. I’ll call you guys in a few days to see how it’s going. If you feel any discomfort or abnormal symptoms, call me.” You keep your instructions clear as you pack up your bag. “You might feel fine now, but when the adrenaline full wears off you’ll be in a world of hurt. Let me give you something to take the edge off so you can sleep.”
The syringe in your hand glinted in the light and Rei turned even paler than usual. You would have thought he was instantly cured with the way he bolted out of the kitchen, and potentially out of the bar. “Still hates needles, eh?”
“He’s a weird guy.”
Kazuki took his shot like a champ, and was cheeky enough to ask for a lollipop. “Try not to kill yourself next time.” Your offer as a consolation prize of advice, and finish packing up.
You wave goodbye to Kyutaro on your way out, telling him to send your pay to the usual place, before you head home. Though you liked seeing the boys, you hoped you didn’t have to see them for a very long time.
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s1ckh1mb0 · 1 month
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Cw// homophobia, internalized homophobia
Reiner hurt to comfort?/fluff for male readers<3
Your heart broke whenever Cowboy! Reiner cried. He was your world, your everything, the reason why you could stay home and do as you please because he got up everyday to work with his friends on their farm to make money. And now he’s sitting here breaking down in front them.
You were immediately worried and quickly called him over. He left Annie and Bert’s side to run over to the side of the fence you were on. You immediately wrapped your arms around him and without thinking twice he broke down in your arms. “Shh shh doll. Hey what’s goin on?” And the culprit for this was none other than his wretched family. You never got along with them. They treated Reiner like an outsider ever since his teen years when he was outed as gay by his ex friend. They were basically your opps and as long as you lived you were gonna be the bane of their existence.
You gently guided Reiner over to you guys shared home. Bringing him to the living room and letting him rest his head on your lap “Rei baby what happened?” He could barely speak as he sobbed in your lap. Reiner by no means was an emotional man. He knew how to take things well. But when he was upset that shit was major. This was one of those times. You knew he needed some time so you didn’t rush him to speak. Running your hand through his dirty blonde hair, using you thumb to caress right where his undercut started. “S’ okay Rei, take your time okay? M’ here. We got all night.”
He felt weak in the moment. He didn’t want you to sit here worrying about him. You were both grown as men he should be able to take care of himself. When his cries started to slow down he looked up at you. “They called again… I don’t know why I answered I just- I thought that they’d finally come around. But they really do hate me. Hate who I am.”
“What’d the say this time baby?”
“They disowned me…”
Your eyes widened in shock. Not because of what they did but because they did now of all times. You two were days away from getting married and now they chose to just act like he wasn’t their family anymore.
“Are you shittin me?”
“I just don’t understand how. Maybe they were right. Maybe it is something wrong with me. With this.”
“What? Rei what are you-?” Just by the look in his eyes you could tell what he meant. It was the same look he had when you to were kids and he used to say he wished you were a girl so he could like you. He was starting to doubt himself. This was the main reason you hated his family. They had such a shitty affect on him. They made him fear what he was. As if he was some type of monster. “Hey, look at me okay?” Reiner couldn’t bring himself to do it at first. He felt physically disgusted with himself in the moment. It wasn’t until he felt your warm hand pressed against his dirt covered cheek and tilted his head to let his gaze meet yours.
You were always so soft with him. He loved that so fucking much about you. You never hated him or yelled at him when he would start to revert to his self hatred ways. In his eyes he truly didn’t deserve you. You deserved a real man. One who wasn’t as fucked as him. “I just thought…maybe if I straight they would love me. I could be their son and not their disappointment. Why couldn’t they just be there for me? Am I really that bad to be around because of who I am?”
You could feel the tears well up in your eyes. Who could make their own child feel this way? “Reiner I want you to listen to me okay? I love you more than fucking anything in the world. You are the best fiancé any man could ever ask for ya hear me? And you were an even better son to them than they deserved. Never in any way do you deserve the treatment they give you.”
“But mayb-”
“No, no maybe Reiner. We are going to be husbands. You make me happy. When you were with your family you would come to my place in shambles because of how badly they treated you. But now look at you. You’re in a better place than any of them and they can see that and they just wanna hurt you in any way they can now.”
Reiner hated that you were right. You always were when it came to his family. He was so blinded by wanting to make his family proud of him that he was willing to tear himself down. But you never allowed him and god was he thankful for that.
“I don’t know how you put up with me doll.”
You chuckled as he sat up and pressed his lips against yours. “I love you rei okay?” “Mm, love you too baby.”
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ell-dordo · 3 months
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Good lord, I love her to pieces
I'm love Rei🩵🩵🩵
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munv · 9 months
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𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗜 𝗗𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗡 𝗔 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘?
I was gonna write this 5 days ago but my flight got cancelled for a while so. Gotta stay on top
I’ve decided it’s highly likely that I’m gonna make another series on Wattpad so I’ll send a link when I start it
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“So what about the star plasma vessel?” The hooded stranger asked. They were in a dark cavern along with some other people, in a supposedly important meeting. “Forget her,” the person on the other end described. Having one of the servants slide over a black brief case “I’m paying this much to end her, hire your best.”
The hooded stranger looked at the case wide eyed “what’re you planning..######? You wouldn’t normally do this just for anyone—wait” the dark figure across from him allowed a smirk to grace their face. They then put a finger on their lips in a silencing manner, “she’s back..and I’m here to ensure her complete arrival.”
The hooded figure stood up abruptly and stepped back from them “Listen, she’s been long sealed away for a long time now and—’’ the figure slammed a hand down on the table in a commanding manner. “I didn’t stutter Rei. Everything will be fine.” They ended in a soothing tone.
Rei stared at the figure across from him. The same one they had once upon a time shared a master with. The person they knew would bring salvation to this wretched world full of filth. “I’ll do it, just..make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into.” He hinted worriedly.
A smile etched on their face, it wasn’t the same one Rei saw on his best friend’s face so long ago. No this was something that would turn the whole jujutsu world upside down. “Of course..is that not what friends are for?”
Rei let out a shaky sigh looking at their eyes that basically swirled in madness. “Right.” And with that they shook hands ending the deal.
You were busy fending off some of the copies with ease keeping riko safe. You surrounded the area in your cursed energy and pointed to the sky “hope you have life insurance you bastards!” The sky crackled a bit and every clone got turned to dust.
Gojo held a finger gun to the main body and shouted out a phrase, “red glow” he said with a crazed expression for a split second. You turned around at the feeling of cursed energy gathering but then by the time you turned around nothing happened. “Was..something supposed to happen?”
The white haired male slowly turned to you and turned back. To the bagged man in front of him. He was just as confused until gojo delivered a swift upper cut with a gleeful expression saying how it didn’t work. After the bagged man fell to the ground passed out gojo started pouting after putting riko down. “N/n did you see that?! I was sure it was gonna work..” he mumbled.
“Seriously..what’s wrong with this guy..” you shrugged and responded “no idea and I sure as hell wouldn’t wanna know.” Riko’s phone then started vibrating in her pocket. Turning your attention from the depressed tall male crouching down on the ground. “What is it?” You said looking over your little sisters phone. Eyes widening you both stopped speaking and a pregnant silence was in the air. “Holy shit..we messed up..” you muttered.
“WHAT’RE WE GONNA DO?!” Gojo turned to look at the both of you curious on what could have triggered a reaction like that. “THEY GOT KUROI” you opened up your phone quickly and scrolled through your contacts pressing on one specific one. The ringing sounded for about a minute before picking up, “suguru..where are you right now?”
“Sorry. It’s my fault” suguru bowed his head a bit. “She told me to go ahead and I didn’t consider her importance to the enemy.” He held his head in a troubled manner. “Really? It’s that big of a deal. Neither of us expected this outcome.”
You narrowed your eyes leaning against a wall in the alleyway you all were in. “Their most likely gonna arrange a trade for Kuroi just so they can get their hands on Amanai. They might want us to kill her or else they’ll kill kuroi.”
Riko had her head down while sitting on the steps listening to ever piece of information that uttered from your mouths. Her fist tightened of the thought of kuroi dying. “However,” suguru said “we have the upper hand since we got amanai. The rest we can handle.”
“Hey, you think shoko or n/n would work as a double?” Gojo said with a hand on his chin. “We should just take her back to jujutsu high.” “H-hold on!”
Riko stood up from the stairs and when you turned to look at her determination was burning In her eyes. “I can’t trust you two yet and the only reliable person here is my sister!”
“Ah..amanai..” you sweat dropped at the sudden explanation. “You brat! Do you really wanna say that after all-’’ she never wavered however. “Even if we manage to get her back..what happens if she isn’t back by the time I merge with tengen-sama?..” she looked down displaying a hurt look. However when she met your eyes something snapped within you. She gripped her skirt with a tense expression.
“I still..I still haven’t said goodbye yet!” Tears formed in her eyes and ran down her cheeks at the thought. Your eyes widened and suguru shared a look with you of sympathy.
There was silence yet again in the air processing what the young teen just said. Her head was still casted low but she was too scared to look up. “We’ll be getting a call from the kidnappers eventually, if they’re smarter than we expected bringing you with us will hurt kuroi’s chances of coming back alive.” The dark haired male stared at his best friend with shock and so did you. ‘So he does have a heart after all…’
He opened the gate that riko was behind and stared down at her. “Back out and we’ll leave you behind.” His eyes held a cold gaze. “Got it?”
Riko looked up at him and her water works stopped. Wiping the tears out of her eyes her determined look returned with more fire than to originally held. “All right” she smiled. “That works.”
You walked up to the two and slapped their heads. “Enough with that!” You exclaimed. Geto was smiling behind you trying to hide his amused expression. “Let’s just get this show in the road shall we?”
They both looked at you and then smiled back. “Right!”
TAG-LIST: @tabbycake @megumisemo @sattosugu @sammyiguess @bao-yu-sarah-morningstar-wang-9 @boo-kugo @vile-woman @96jnie @itsmekalou @tojisworm69 @bbynday @whats-humanity-lol
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cyberdragoninfinity · 2 months
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1, 2, and 25 for Vector for the character ask game!!
🥕🥕🥕‼‼‼‼
Why do you like or dislike this character?
GODDD VECTORRR i like him so so muchhhh. the zexal guy who Grabbed me and has Not let go. He's got so much personality, he's so EXPRESSIVE, I LOVE THAT WE GOT A 'MONSTROUS' YGO BAD GUY WHO'S SILLY AND EXPRESSIVE!!! he looks like he was drawn by a version of me from another dimension, he's FUNNY AND WRETCHED AND THE RELIGIOUS SYMBOLISM MAKES ME BANANASSS. And I love that at the end of the day he's... god he's just a kid. He's a mean miserable alien-demon child playing 4d chess with everyone in his life and his backstory does make me emo and his character arc (culminating in this very inauthentic always doing bits type if character doing something so genuine and beneficial for someone other than himself) is just so goooddd wahhhh. HIS DUB AND SUB VOICES ARE BOTH SO GOOD TOO!! hes just Danabait to the max and who am i to resist.
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
LIKE. I LOVE EVERYTHING WITH HIM. BUT I GOTTA SHOUT OUT THE SHINGETSU STUNT like this image may very well but the single funniest thing a yugioh has ever fucking done
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rei shingetsu/ray shadows is straight up like when they add a new cast member to a sitcom in a later season in a desperate bid to attract new viewers, but brought to the most bonkers extreme possible. he's like the great gazoo if the great gazoo just started killing people. he's a Too Many Cooks-ass yugioh character. "And Introducing..." ass yugioh character. literally canonly guy who cant stop doing bits. zexal great for many things but this is definitely one of the biggies
25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?
first impression: hey why the fuck does this guy in zexal look exactly like claus from the hit nintendo game MOTHER 3, also one of my friend clark's favorite characters. haha that's so funny
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impression now: HEY WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY IN ZEXAL LOOK EXACTLY LIKE CLAUS FROM THE HIT VIDEO GAME MOTHER 3. HEY. HEY!!! WHY IS HE ONE OF THE BEST YGO CHARACTERS, ALSO. HE DRILLED A HOLE IN MY BRAIN PERMANENTLY. CARROT BLAST FOREVER
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twilightmalachite · 1 year
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Altered - Prologue 2
Author: Akira
Characters: Eichi, Wataru
Translator: Mika Enstars
EN Proofer: PitXRoxas
"You killed me not because you hated me, but because you loved me."
Season: Winter
Location: Hospital Room (Private Room)
⚠️ This is an import from a unproofed Twitter Livetweet!
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Eichi: Those who are geniuses are biased. I feel that you are trying to convince me using a common narrative, whilst concealing your true intent from me.
To get me to think that there’s not actually anything interesting hiding there.
Wataru: That does tend to be the case… I simply do not wish to cause much trouble to my parents.
I owe it to them for taking me under their wing, you see. I love them as parents and as family, and respect them as human beings.
Although, during the war, your strategy was to question our qualifications as idols and criticize us to the public.
You didn’t cut into what would be our private life, such as our family, didn’t you?
For that, I am very grateful. It is customary to kill an idol through gossip, yet you didn’t choose that method.
Myself aside, it would have been quite troublesome for those such as Kanata for that area to be poked around.
You fought as much as you could on the stage, to settle the matter as an idol.
Eichi: Do you think I fought fair and square as an idol?
I manipulated the very mechanisms of the showdown itself, and did underhanded tricks like inciting the public to drive you into a wall, did I not?
Wataru: I cannot say it was fair and square, but I can agree to the induction of the audience and off-stage brawling as tactics.
You did not raid a dressing room and kill a player before the game started, nor did you take a family hostage and use blackmail.
Eichi: I avoided fighting with Sakuma-senpai, and instead kept him away from the stage, didn’t I?
Wataru: You never forced him. You merely guided him.
Rei then chose to forfeit by his own will—You could have chosen to take away even that choice, am I wrong?
Eichi: ……
Wataru: Your deeds are not wicked nor are they wretched. That is an important detail.
You used every possible means in order to rise victorious over us, but only within the limits of your own reasoning and ethics.
From there, I can see who you truly are.
I can then understand you.
Eichi: ……
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Wataru: Eichi. What you love is idols.
And so you wanted to win against us… as an idol.
Is that not so? For the heir of the Tenshouin Zaibatsu, the public’s leading mega-conglomerate, eliminating his enemies would be easier than twisting a baby’s hand.
Eichi: That is true. There are many thugs in this world who would break the law in exchange for spare change.
Using lawless methods such as that, it would have been easy to simply eliminate you all.
But I didn’t.
Wataru: Indeed. You instead were insistent on winning against us as an idol.
Although you used deceptive strategies to make up for the gaps in ability you could not fill, if all you truly wanted was to destroy us, there must’ve been more rational ways to do so.
But say if you had eliminated us through assassination, for example, you would never have been satisfied.
And so, such a method never crossed your mind.
To you, we are not enemies nor obstacles, but something more precious.
Your ultimate goal wasn’t victory, and certainly not our downfall—but to grow as an idol, and find recognition and validation for it.
That is what I read of you. Do you have any corrections to make?
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Eichi: …Huh, I see. Right, I hadn’t had the room to analyze myself for quite some time now, but…
I get it now. I loved idols, huh?
I loved you guys, and myself too, as idols.
That is the purpose for which the story of Yumenosaki’s war, the story of fine’s glory and the Five Eccentric’s ruin, was written for.
For my love for idols, and for my self-realization as one.
If I could overthrow and surpass even highly-esteemed idols such as yourselves…
I could become what I love, and find worthy of love—
I wanted to become an idol.
Only once I could triumph over you, and receive public recognition and praise for it, would I have been convinced I was as good as, or better than you.
I can feel it. That’s what I wanted.
I loathed myself, but that is why I wanted to become something that could be loved.
And so for that reason, the process of crushing you all who I loved, and triumphing over you, was essential.
—It all makes sense now.
Fufu, you read into and deciphered the goal that the author himself wasn’t even aware of, it seems.
You’re amazing, “Wataru”.
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Wataru: Praise me more! If anything, as the idol of your dreams, it is only natural for me to have this level of greatness!
Eichi: You even deciphered my favoritism towards you, huh. I’m embarrassed. You had recognized my love for you and had begun to call me as a friend to return that love—
Wataru: That much had always been obvious though, no? With how you always would gaze at me, anyone could tell!
However, the majority of people would not be able to understand the love you have for us, and the love you have for idols.
Even those with the full backstory may see nothing but malice in your actions that have so inexcusably wronged and ruined the poor and innocent Five Eccentrics.
But your seemingly contradictory actions and inner feelings connect at one point; your love for idols.
You killed me not because you hated me, but because you loved me.
Eichi: That line alone makes me sound like I’m some freak in some B-class horror movie…
Wataru: In other words, more or less a yandere!
Eichi: Yet another dated term…
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Haa… Thank you, Wataru. I feel lighter, somehow.
I was beginning to lose track of my own self. My actions and my feelings felt contradictory, and I had started to feel like some incomprehensible monster.
But, thanks to you, I’ve been able to make sense of myself. I’m relieved. Rather than a performer, aren’t you better suited to be a counselor?
Wataru: No, this is just another skill required of a performer.
It is a matter of deciphering the feelings of the characters; seek your own interpretation, and convey it through dialogue and gesture.
Eichi: If you put it that way, then being a performer must truly be your calling, then.
I too wish to be more like you. I don’t need to be the hero of the story, I painfully know now that I’m not suited to such a position—
But, I do wish to be someone.
I want a role that suits me. Next time, I’ll do it right.
And if my role is of one of my beloved idols, that would be wonderful.
No, rather, shall I prepare a plan to set the stage to achieve that? I won’t be out of the hospital for a while, so I have plenty of time to plan things out.
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Wataru: Fufufu, suddenly life has returned to you, hm? Ah, the desire to obtain is mankind’s primary rationale! The driving force that keeps the story rolling!
Hold onto that desire. From here on, to forever, for as long as you live.
And, if possible, please allow me to join you, too.
So that one of these days, please bring me onto the greatest stage once more, Eichi.
Eichi: I’ll lead you to that stage you wish for, then.
It’s a promise, Wataru.
I suppose, perhaps by leading you to the stage you want, I can atone for all those people I’ve wrongfully hurt.
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tagged by @kommunarde to talk about 5 things im interested in!!! mwah <3
1.) sally hansen insta-dri nail laquer in shade beet-ing heart: its wretched. its horrific. its so bright that you can see it perfectly in in a dark room. my phone case is a similar color and it almost makes the iphone (least erotic machine ever) erotic. beet-ing heart comes to me in dreams as a weapon of god. if i ever found myself in twin peaks' black lodge, the curtains would be beet-ing heart instead of red. when my body gets cut open for an autopsy, i would want all my organs and blood to be beet-ing heart pink, if only to baffle and nauseate the pathologists. freakshow pink. i-killed-my-boyfriend-and-now-his-body-is-rotting-in-the-trunk pink. john waters double feature pink. 1980s special effects pink. it’s rocky horror’s speed freak cousin, unstable terror, and it just bit off someone’s dick while giving them a blowjob. bass-boosted nightcore remixes of hyperpop. any horror movie involving a pageant. its gleeful and disruptive and entirely horrific and i am so fucking obsessed with it that i could eat it. pictures cannot do this monstrosity justice.
2.) the iconography of coca cola: coca cola is effectively a superstar to me. pop stars want what coca cola has. the red and white can has become so culturally ingrained that to even mention coca cola is like invoking the presence of Big America into the conversation. its effectively the shein coquette section of drinks-- its trying to remain like 50s/60s-flirtatious-picnics-fourth of july-lana del rey-patriotism and its working, which is insane because its actually microplastics-child slavery-landfill fuel-destroying multiple environments-capitalism. i hate her. i can't live without her. i want to murder suicide us. she (the iconic can full of delicious beverage) is everything and he (coca cola corporation) is actually far more sinister than ken could ever dream being. the can and the corporation are entirely separate in the societal mind like some sort of beverage dr. jekyll and mr. hyde, purely because shes our beautiful girlfriend whose faults we must ignore if we want to keep dating her. absolutely fascinating to me.
3.) red as a fetish: i'm not talking about how sexy things are red-- or at least red adjacent (think: genitalia, an open throat, a lot of lingerie, sex scene lighting in some films, etc), i'm talking about how red has transcended the cultural association of sex and being "naughty" to become something that brands things as adult or sexual by its mere presence. i know dozens of girls who got told by their parents to never wear red nail polish or lipstick or a red dress because it would make them come off as slutty or harlots or whatever word the parents felt like using to describe promiscuity. red is also one of the first colors to have a cultural gender binary inside of it, based off societal expectations for men vs. women-- on a man red says "aggression", but on a woman red says "sex". i don't think it would be like that if our general culture allowed women to be angry and was normal about angry women (as opposed to having the separate section of "female rage" consisting of crying or maybe a slap-- something that comes off to me as more of a purple or dark blue, in all honesty) but thats a separate post. red's nature is that its a primal and biological color, signaling blood and sex to the masses, and this means that anything thats red has the effect of biology which makes it fuckable, even if its something as paltry as a soda can or a shoe. because of this effect, red has transcended being used for fetishes and has become a fetish in itself, and i just think thats neat.
4.) smells and love: i know i have a bit of a sensitive nose, but everyone has a separate smell to them. its impacted by what the person consumed that day, what they were doing, if they were sweating or not, etc., but underneath it all there is a unique scent, like some sort of a biological thumbprint. a lot of it is because of the persons daily routines and whatnot, which really just makes it more interesting and more like character-defining, if that makes sense-- for an example, i know i smell powdery (cosmetics), sugary (daily soda), dirty (i like dirt and i touch it frequently), and a bit acrid (smoking mint to try and stave off nicotine cravings) on top of the unique and innate fleshiness that every living person has. my father smells spicy (tiger balm), rubbery (palo santo smudge stick), that distinct and unnameable fresh-woodsy-citrusy-whatever smell of mens hygiene products, gasoline-sweet (motor oil, wd-40), and the flesh smell, but his is slightly different than mine. there was a time in my life when i could literally close my eyes and walk by someone i spent a lot of time with, and i would be able to tell who it was. you know. its a matter of knowledge and memorization and time spent together. i just think its very sweet.
5.) making up incredibly elaborate and impossible stories as to how i got the mystery bruise of the day: i could be like 'i must have bumped my leg' or just not care at all, but where's the fun in that? the one on my knee is because i was on a tropical beach dancing in the moonlight with a soft-eyed lover, and when we tried the dirty dancing lift for shits and giggles, they dropped me and i fell right onto a lovely pearlescent seashell. of course i didn't mind, because i was having so much fun that i didn't notice any pain i might have been in, and besides-- i was laughing the whole way down. the one on my calf is because i was in a fight club and kicked someone in the hip so hard that my leg bruised. carry on in this manner until there are overly detailed stories about every single mystery bruise you have, and i swear you'll have a little bit more joy in your life.
tagging @hauntedwoman @alpacinolover @holemotif @capvlian @exitmusicfrafilm @exitwound and anyone else who wants to <3<3<3
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