#without him here no one is going to punish me for being myself anymore

[anne-bsd-bibliophile]

Emotional triggers are crazy. I just figured out today that just telling someone "no" immediately makes me nervous and I prepare myself to be yelled at, blamed, ridiculed, etc. I realize now that being raised by a narcissistic father who was emotionally/verbally abusive and had to have everything his way caused me to be scared of telling someone "no."

For example, something as simple as being asked "Do you have Diet Dr. Pepper?" When I have to tell them "No, all I have is Diet Coke for diet drinks," it scares me half to death. But when someone asks, "What sodas do you have?" it is so much easier for me to answer. Then I feel like I can be helpful and try to find something they like instead of have to tell them I don't have their favorite drink.

I get that most people probably won't take it out on me when I don't have what drink they want. But I grew up in a household where if I told my father that something wasn't his way or that things hadn't turned out how he had hoped I knew I would be blamed and he would do whatever he could to push the blame on me:

I, a five year old at the time, wanted to eat the fudge that I bought with the money I earned? But my father does so much for me and it is selfish not to share with him.

My sister came home after curfew? Well, if I had been a better older sister she wouldn't feel the need to rebel like that.

I don't like to eat cereal because I hate milk? But liking cereal with milk is normal and I can't possibly be abnormal so my father forced me to sit at the table until I had eaten every bit of cereal and drank every drop of milk in the bowl. (I found out years later that I'm lactose intolerant and that's why I hated milk so much growing up.)

I couldn't respond to a text right away because I was at work? Well my father was paying for my phone at the time so I had to answer right away or else he would threaten to disconnect it.

I wanted to tell my family about my day at dinner? But my sister had so much to say and my father didn't want me taking up her valuable time boring her by talking about my day.

My mom took me out to lunch? My father couldn't afford for my mom to be taking me out to eat and I must be trying to get her to divorce him. It was only okay for my father to take people out to lunch, and that's only if they "treated him right" and "deserved for him to pay for their food."

I like watching anime? Then that must be why I can't get a date and I must be watching hentai or (heaven forbid) I must be lesbian because otherwise I'd find a nice religious boy to marry and I wouldn't have time for things like anime.

I wouldn't agree with him that detox baths would literally suck fat cells from his body and make him lose weight? Well, I was a disrespectful daughter and my father threatened to never let me see my mom again.

After growing up in a situation where it was normal for me to be blamed and criticized for every little thing I did, it became a natural response for me to try to anticipate what people around me want to hear and want me to do. If I do or say anything "wrong" then I prepare myself for immediate and severe emotional punishment because that's what I grew up with constantly. I automatically assume everything I do is "wrong" until I realize no punishment has come, and then I can breathe a sigh of relief and hope that I did something right.

That's why dealing with people is so exhausting. That's why my social anxiety is so bad. I hadn't realized until this evening why I'm always so tense and nervous. I was talking to someone about weird habits we have from childhood that helped us survive in tough situations when it hit me that I say "yes" and try to please people to survive. That's why I relate to Yozo in No Longer Human so much: I'm terrified of humans, too. Only instead of playing the clown and trying to make them laugh, I'm trying to please them and make them happy so they won't get mad at me.

#coping with narcissistic abuse #social anxiety #emotional abuse #emotional extortion #I know it sounds really bad to say this but it has been so much easier since my father died #without him here no one is going to punish me for being myself anymore #that means I can do things like talk and spend time with my mom and like anime and books #I'm not constantly wrong all the time and it is so peaceful

[f1smutwriter]

|𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐬 (𝐦𝐯𝟏, 𝐜𝐥𝟏𝟔)

Dom!Max x Sub!Charles x Sub!fem reader

Summary: Charles wants to break the rules but she’s not sure. They both get punished for touching each other without permission

Warnings: SMUT! Dom/subs situation, punishment, oral (fem rec), threesome, praising, degrading, unprotected sex (girl don’t even thing about it), pet names (good boy/girl, princess, baby boy, my love etc), bondage, sex toys, dirty talk, anal, subspace, overstimulation, and way more that I might have missed

Notes: This was a request but I did something completely stupid. So if you’re the one who requested this here it is again I’m sorry for not tagging you. Hope you like it!

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“Please mon amour he won’t find out, just need your help baby” Charles begged me while rubbing his hard cock through his pants. He’s been begging me for about 30 minutes wanting to be inside me since max wasn’t there to help him. “But Maxie is gonna get mad don’t want to get punished cha” I whimpered to him while squeezing my thighs as he rubs them both with his hands.

“He won’t punish us, please baby need your pussy” he whimpered to me holding my hips slowly moving them to my clothed pussy. I whined feeling his hands over my wet pussy making me grind on his hand needy. “See you want it to please we just have to be quick” he explained to me making me give in to the pleasure.

“Promise that Maxie won’t get mad” I asked him innocently not knowing if he was telling the truth or not. “I promise he won’t get mad” he insisted making me nod and let him touch me. Once I gave him the nod he started taking off my clothes one by one. Once he was done taking off my clothes he started kissing me making me whimper against him. He took off his shirt and pants leaving him in his underwear. He rubbed my wet folds making me squeal from the sudden pleasure taking over my body.

“Need your cock cha please” I begged him slowly going into that fuzzy mind set I always get when I’m with him or max. Once he heard me beg for his length he slowly takes off his underwear showing me his cock leaking with pre-cum at the angry red tip. He runs his tip against my throbbing clit making me whimper more for him pleading for him to push Inside me. He finally pushed himself inside me making us both moan out in unison. He starts thrusting picking up a pace that we both liked. He was moaning and whimpering feeling my tight wet walls around his leaky cock.

“You feel so good. M’not gonna last. Your so tight” he whimpered to me making my walls clench around him. We were so into each other we didn’t hear the door open or close. He was thrusting harder and harder making me scream out his name. Max heard everything and he was pissed. He knew what we were doing. So he walked to our room opening the door and watching Charles plow his cock into my soaking cunt. I opened my eyes to see Charles but instead I see an angry max behind him.

“Cha stop it” I whined to him pushing his chest so he stop thrusting into me. “Maxie is-“ I say before getting cut off my Charles. “Maxie is not gonna know please baby I’m so close” he whined thrusting faster making me yelp out when I feel his tip brush my g-spot.

“Oh so I’m not gonna know” Max said loudly behind him making his cock slip out so he can turn around. Max was pissed. He had a raging hard on but his body spoke different. “Was gone for an hour and you couldn’t wait for me Charles. But not only you couldn’t wait you had to bring our good girl into this” he growled to Charles slowly walking over to the naked man.

“M’sorry, w-was hurting a-and you said I couldn’t touch myself anymore” he stuttered scared knowing he was gonna get punished for his actions. “Aww the slut is sorry. What are you sorry for, I’m surprised you didn’t have her fuck you, can never go a day without being full can you” Max shouted before grabbing Charles cock and squeezing it. That made Charles whimpered and it made me gasp from the sight in front of me. “Baby girl” Max called out to me.

“Yes daddy” I say my voice sounding so little compared to his. “Who started it” he asked wanting to know an answer knowing I was gonna tell the truth. “I did daddy” I lied to him not wanting Charles to get punished badly.

“Are you lying to me princess, because you know daddy doesn’t like liars” he warned me giving me his famous stern look, the same look he gives us when we do something we should have. I gulped slight still wanting to protect Charles. “Yes daddy I know, I started it asked cha to fill me up because I missed you” I whimpered to him not making eye contact with his dark lustful eyes.

“See now I know you’re lying, because when you lie you don’t look at me. So why are you lying to me baby girl. What happened to my good girl, Charles is my brat but you you’re my angel” he said disappointed that I was lying to him to protect Charles. “Wanted to protect cha don’t want him to get punished” I cried to him softly finally looking up at him showing him the sad look on my face.

“You hear that Charles she wanted to protect. My sweet angel wanted to protect my naughty brat. What do you say Charles what do you say to our baby girl” Max grumbled in his deep dominant voice that makes us straight up instantly. “Thank you angel” Charles whimpered to me still feeling Maxes hand around his throbbing cock.

“Princess would you do daddy a favor” he mumbled to me, making full eye contact. “Can you go get me the hand cuffs and the cock ring for brat” he grunted to me in his deep voice making me nod and Charles whimpered knowing exactly what cock ring he was asking for. The cock ring that vibrates around his shaft but doesn’t let him cum. I quickly get up going into the closet grabbing the things he wanted before putting them on the bed.

“And you go lay on the bed. Now” he demanded Charles before Charles goes and scurry’s off to the spot where he always gets tied up to. “Your gonna watch me fucking out girls pretty pussy while your stuck. Do you understand” he growled to Charles while cuffing his wrist around our headboard, all Charles can do is nod whimpering as Max slips the cock ring on him.

Max slaps his thigh and grabs his face. “You know the rules. We use our words got it” he growled to him animalistic tone making Charles whine softly. “Yes daddy I understand” Charles moaned softly to him bucking his hips up. “Good boy” Max mumbled before turning on the cock ring which vibrated at the bottom of his shaft. Charles yelps from the sudden vibration making him tug on the hand cuffs that had thick fur on them so it doesn’t hurt our wrist.

“Angel what’s your color” Max questioned rubbing my cheek with his thumb making me look up with him with such pure eyes. “Green daddy” I whispered to him as Charles moans and whines in the background. “Charles what’s your color” Max asked him watching Charles buck his hips and tremble in pure pleasure. “G-green” he squealed feeling his first orgasm but not being able to let it out due to the cock ring.

“Lay down baby, daddy’s gonna taste this pussy okay” he told me before laying me down as Charles watches my every move. Max slowly runs his fingers through my folds making me gasped loudly from sensitivity. “Aww is my princesses pussy sensitive” he teased circling my clit with his thumb. All I could do was whine out making him slap my clit hard. I yelped out before soft tears run down my face. “Do I need to remind you both the rules. You both speak with words do you understand” he said pissed at the both of us. “Yes daddy” we say in unison.

“My good little sluts, but you your not a slut angel you can go a day without being filled, but you Charles always need your tight hole filled with daddy’s cock huh” Max taunted watching the younger boy cry out from the pure overstimulation. “Y-yes, always need your c-cock” Charles cried out throwing his head back in pleasure and pain.

“Imagine what all your friends would say if they saw you like this. Showing them how much of a slut you are for me. How much you begged to get filled up by my cock” he taunted his while circling Charles sensitive nipple with his finger. “Now watch me eat our girls pussy okay” he says before leaning down to my pussy spreading it slight to see my clit. He kitten licks my clit softly making me gasp from the sudden sensation. Before I know it he’s feasting on my pussy like he was starving. Licking, sucking, nipping. Everything that made me feel rush of pleasure. I moaned out his name while pulling his hair.

“Nu uh don’t moan mine name moan his name” he mumbled against my pussy wanting me to moan Charles name while he eats my cunt. So I do what he says. “Charlie feels s-so good” I cried out while looking at Charles seeing him cry out from not being able to cum. All he can do was whimper and cry not being able to touch me at all. I feel max suck on my clit harshly making my thighs tremble around his head. “D-da-daddy too much” I squealed feeling him suck my sensitive clit.

But he doesn’t stop all he does is abuse my clit knowing that will make me cum faster. I feel the familiar knot in my stomach about to snap. “Daddy need to cum. Can I please cum” I begged for permission to release the knot. All he did was hum a yes in my trembling pussy making me cum all over his face with a scream. He cleaned me up with his tongue dragging out my orgasm. Once I finally cum down from my high, I’m deeper into the fuzzy headspace and he knows it.

“Maxie m-may I please cum” Charles begged with dried tears on his cheek. All max did was chuckle at him taking off the cock ring and un cuffing him. “Took your punishment so good my good boy. Go grab me the lube and I’ll fuck you while our angel rides your pretty cock okay” he said softly the softest he’s talked to Charles today. Charles nod softly slowly getting into that headspace as well kissing max and me softly. He got up and grabbed the lube giving it to max.

Max slowly puts lube on his fingers and Charles hole to prep him making the trembling boy gasp from the cold sensation. Max rubbed the rim of his hole before slowly sticking a finger in him. Charles let out a loud moan miss the feeling of being full. Max slowly starts to scissor another finger into him to stretch out the ring of muscle. Max pushed his finger deeper curling it into Charles pressing the tip of his fingers into Charles prostate making Charles cry out.

“I think your stretched out enough baby boy” Max says to the whimpered boy before putting lube onto his cock. Then max looked at me “ready princess” he asked me before slipping his cock into Charles tight hole making them both groan. I slowly move closer to Charles cock sliding my pussy back onto it for the second time that night. “S-so full” Charles gasped out feeling Maxes cock deep inside him. While I fuck my pussy onto Charles cock making him feel extra pleasure. Me and Max move at the same pace making us all moan out. The room was filled with pornographic moans from the all of us letting the pleasure take over our body’s.

“M-maxie gonna cum” Charles yelled out loudly as I go faster on his cock. “Me too” I cried out feeling his tip hit nothing but my g-spot. “Come on my sluts, cum for me. Cum for daddy” Max growled before pounding into Charles hole hitting his prostate over and over again making Charles let his warm seed in me. That triggered my orgasm, I tighten my already tight walls around him making me cum all over his cock. Once I tightened he squeezed his hole around max for the overstimulation. Max moans loudly cumming in Charles before panting and slipping out softly making Charles whine from the lack of fullness.

Max gets up and go gets a wet towel to clean us up with me and Charles both in the deep fuzzy mind set cuddling together. Max comes back and cleans up the cum out of mine and Charles hole. He threw the towel on the floor bringing us into his lap as we babbled nonsense to him. “Did so good, my good girl and good boy. Made daddy so proud” he praised us running his fingers through our hair.

“Come back to me daddy doesn’t want you to get sick. Come back to me” he said not wanting us to get sub drop again like we did last time. We slowly come back to him our babbling becoming less and less. Once we finally came back we cuddled deeper into him slowly falling asleep in my arms. “I love you so much” he whispered to us both before we fall asleep feeling same.

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Notes: that was very intense. Again the request are open please leave me some so I can post for you guys. This was a request I’m sorry I couldn’t tag you I’m still new at this. But anyways I really hope you guys liked this!

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 smut #max verstappen blurb #max verstappen x you #max verstappen smut #max x charles x reader #dom!max verstappen #sub!charles leclerc #sub!reader

[fairysluna]

NOT THE BEST IDEA — Modern!AU | Final Part.

MASTERLIST | A little playlist that helped me to write this fic.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader x Cregan Stark.

Summary: While the guilt is eating you alive, Cregan seemed to grow worried about your sudden distance, and he suspects of what really happened in the Lake House. A big decision is to be made now that Aemond seems eager to gain you back.

Tags/TW: angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of blood, aemond being a menace, wounds, violence, mentions of murder, miscommunication, toxic behaviour, veeery brief smut at the end. If something is missing pls let me know!!

Author's Note: i never expected this story to be more than one part long, but here i am posting the fifth part bc you loved it so much!! thank you for reading this story and for showing your support, this is dedicated to every single one of you!!🤍

Word Count: 5.3k

Tag List: (bold means i couldn’t tag you) @immyowndefender @bellameshipper @mysticgothicgirl @aemondswifeisme @issshhh @serrhaewin @loglady00 @melsunshine @izzy-the-ginger @champomiel @iiamthehybrid @ghostheartbeat @introverbatim @earthangels-things @omgkatherine01 @flosaureum @justanotherkpopstanlol @tssf-imagines @doublesparrows @aaaaaamond

This must be a punishment from the Gods.

You were laying in your bed, feeling as if the whole weight of the world was on top of your weakened body. Turns out that the kiss Aemond stole from you not only left you feeling terrible, but it also caused you to get the flu. 

Your throat was sore, and all beverages turned into torture to consume. Helaena has been kind to you, as she usually is, bringing you soups and herbs infusion that should be helpful to improve your sickly state. Cregan had gone to visit you too, taking chocolates, extra soft tissues and fast food. However, you would feel extremely guilty everytime he would arrive with his enormous smile by your side; after what had happened with Aemond, you no longer felt worthy of Cregan’s love.

He wasn't oblivious to your obvious and sudden change of attitude towards him. He knew that something was going on with you, but he couldn't find an answer to his questions, for you were refusing to speak with the pathetic excuse of having a sore throat. Though Cregan knew it was just a false justification, he didn't pressure you to tell him anything; he was hoping you would talk to him once you were ready to do so. 

But he couldn't help thinking that it was something that he did. 

And you were scared. Scared to face the truth and the consequences of them. Losing Cregan was, right now, your biggest fear; the fact that he could find out the truth and dump you for it was terrifying. You cannot allow it to happen, so you just find a solution by remaining quiet, without being conscious of the negative effect that it would have on Cregan. 

Helaena would be the wise one, telling you that even if you were scared, it was the right thing to do. And still, you couldn't find the courage to do it. 

"Aemond would make sure he knows," Helaena had told you, "and that will be so much worse because he will make it seem like you wanted it too."

"I should've left that bloody house as soon as I saw him there," you whined, trying to hold back tears as your beloved friend caressed your hair, "none of this would've happened if I had listened to Cregan."

"But it did," she told you, using that soft voice of hers that would always manage to calm you down, "it happened, y/n, and now you need to be honest with him… and with yourself." 

"I am being honest with myself," you cried, "I don't love your brother, not anymore. Not when he is constantly making me feel like shit."

"Cregan needs to know this. He wouldn't get mad at you, he knows about Aemond, he had known him since high school!" 

"But-" 

"He's a good man. A genuinely good man," Helaena interrupted you, now standing up and grabbing the empty bowl of soup from your hands, "We both know that he's not Aemond. He will listen before he does something irrational."

Helaena left the room, and you curled up your body hugging a pillow as you felt the distress running up and down your weak body. You close your eyes for a moment, but the feeling of the tears falling down your cheeks made you roll your eyes with frustration, because even two years after your break up with Aemond he was still able to do this; to wreck you and leave you helpless, with your mind as a mess and your heart filled with sorrow. 

You never thought you could hate someone in the way you hate Aemond right now. 

When a very well known song sounded and echoed in the room, you knew it was Cregan calling you from work. You thought, for an instant, about letting the song play until he would get tired of waiting for you to pick up, but again, he didn't deserve it. 

He didn't deserve any of this. 

"Hi?" you said softly, trying not to sound as if you were just crying. 

"Hey, love," he replied, and you swore you were able to hear the smile in his words, "How are you doing? Did you have a good night?"

You sighed, remaining quiet for a few minutes before actually saying something. 

"Y-yeah… I've been doing well. Hel just cooked me soup for lunch," you mumbled. 

"Oh, that's good," he cheered, "well, I hope you hadn't eaten too much because I just got out of work and I'm on my way to Wendy's. Do you want something special or just the same thing?" 

"The same thing, I guess," you spoke half-heartedly, feeling the knot in your throat growing with each word.

There was silence in the other line, but you were still able to hear the soft music playing in the background so you guessed he was driving his car. Then, a sigh was heard, a heavy and tired sigh that made you close your eyes as the guilt returned to you. You knew exactly what it meant. 

"Baby, can we talk once I get home?" He asked softly, patience showing in his voice. 

You bit your lip and considered the answer to that; you really didn't want to talk, you weren't ready to do it, and yet, you agreed. 

"Sure," you said in a choked sob, wiping the rebel tears with your free hand. 

"Great, so… I'll see you later," there was a dubious pause in the middle of his words, as if he was debating whether to say something else or not. Eventually, he said, "I love you, y/n."

Your breath was caught in your throat as a cry threatened to escape you. A little voice in your head was constantly reminding you that you didn't deserve him, that he was too good for you, that you were unworthy of his love… and you started to believe it. 

"See you later," you answered, your voice coming out shaky and breathy, so soft and low that Cregan was barely able to hear you. 

And then, you just hang up. 

On the other side of the line, Cregan’s eyes remained fixed in the screen of his phone as he was seeing the screen saver; a picture of you. His brow was furrowed as his heart ached a little, a bit hurted by the sudden distance you were installing between you both. He was growing desperate to know what was going on, though he was certain that Aemond was the one to blame; there was no other explanation. 

The sound of the horns from the cars behind him were enough to wake him up from his trance, and he shook his head and started to drive. An anguish feeling growing inside his chest was barely letting him breathe, and the fear of losing you was starting to succumb him.

He bought the food, ordering your favorite meal and taking it to his car to then drive towards your home. His hands were shaking with expectation and nervousness, not being sure of what to say once he started this so-needed conversation. He tried to remain calm, playing some of his favorite tunes on the radio, but it would do little to help. 

Once he parked his car, entered the main area and went into the lift, he bit his nails, seeing how the numbers would change in the tiny screen until it reached the number 7. The doors opened and he walked out, reaching the door that had a '7B' hanging from it, and knocked on the wood as he took a deep breath. A few minutes later, Helaena appeared in his sight, receiving him with the same kind smile as always. 

"Hi, Hel," he spoke softly as she took a step aside to let him in. 

"Hi, Creg," she said, before rushing her way back to the kitchen, where she was baking something that smelled too delicious. "She's been sleeping this whole time, she's getting better tho, the fever is gone."

"Good," he said a bit relieved, closing the door behind his back, "I brought some burgers, but I know you don't eat meat so I brought you some fries and an oreo smoothie."

"Thank you!" Heleana raised her voice for him to hear as he left the bag with food on the dining table. "I'm baking a lemon pie, so if you stay for supper you'll get a piece!" 

"Now I will," he smiled before walking towards the kitchen, grabbing two plates to place the burgers and fries. He was about to pick them when he stopped for a moment and saw Hel cracking some eggs, he couldn't help but to ask, "what's been going on with her lately? Do you know something?" 

He saw the way she tensed, he perceived the nervousness and how her hands slightly trembled. She swallowed hard, almost gulping out of nervousness, but she just ended up shaking her head, playing dumb. 

"I don't know," she lied, shrugging, "but I don't think it's something that you should ask me."

"Yeah," he sighed, "you're right."

Helaena pressed her lips in a thin line as she saw him go to your room. She didn't pay any more attention to it, turning around to keep doing what she was doing, though, for some reason, she was left behind with some weird sensation installed in her chest. 

Cregan opened the door of your room and saw your body covered in blankets, all curled up and hugging a pillow. He smiled softly, thinking that even now you were looking absolutely gorgeous. He looked at you for a while, observing your beauty as you slept. His attention, however, quickly went to the phone laying on the floor, so he left the plates on the nightstand and then he picked it up. 

There were no notifications in it, and Cregan was not the kind of person who would lurk inside someone else's phone even when he was dying to know what you were hiding from him, so he just left it on your desk before he started to softly move your shoulders to wake you up. 

You slowly opened your eyes, Cregan immediately noticed how swollen and red they were. There was no doubt that you were crying, and it killed him to think that you were not allowing him to help you. 

"Hey," he cooed as he started to caress your hair. 

Your eyes fluttered open and you slowly lifted your head to look at him. Your lips were dried and chapped, and you felt the need to drink water. Cregan noticed it, and he immediately grabbed the bottle of water to pour some of it into a glass and give it to you. You drank it all in less than four sips. 

"I brought the food," he informed, taking one of the plates and leaving it in the bed as you sat up. "Hopefully it is still warm."

"Thank you," you weakly said, taking a few fries and putting them inside your hungry mouth. "How was work?" 

"Boring as usual," he shrugged, "I couldn’t wait to see you. You look better."

"I feel better," you lied. 

"Do you?"

"Yes, Helaena prepared me a soup and-" 

"I think we need to talk," he interrupted you. You nervously ate a bunch of fries as you looked at the food in front of you, trying to avoid the eye contact that you knew would be the death of you. 

"Okay…" you subtly nodded, "what is it?" 

He grabbed your hand, and took a deep breath before he spoke, "I need to know what's going on, y/n. Ever since we returned from the Lake House you've been acting different."

"Cregan, I…" 

"You've been ignoring me," he muttered, and the fact that you were able to hear the sadness reflecting in his deep voice made your heart ache. 

"I haven't," you rushed to say. 

"Yes, you have," he replied, speaking softly as usual, not wanting to raise his voice at you. He tried to remain calm, "don't- don't try to deny it. Have I done something that bothered you? Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not."

"How am I supposed to make you feel better if you keep pushing me away? We're going through something, you can't deny that, but I want to fix it. How are we going to work this out if you don't tell me what is wrong?" 

You felt your nose itching, once again feeling the weight of the blame in your shoulders. It was a sensation that it was starting to suffocate you, almost unbearable. 

"I'm begging you, y/n. Talk to me, whatever happened back there we can find a solution and make it better, I swear it."

"I- I can't…" you cried softly, wiping your own tears as you were now unable to hold his haze, "I can't do this now, I'm not ready."

"Love-"

"Cregan, I don't want to talk about this right now," you said, raising your voice to make him stop. 

"You told me we would talk once I got here, and now I'm here," he sighed, losing his patience, "please, tell me. I can't do this anymore."

"Creg-"

"It's been five days!" he interrupted you as he stood up from the bed, louder words than before, "And in these five days you've told me you love just once, when you used to tell me that all the time! Is that what this is all about? You don't love me anymore?" 

"Of course I love you!" you whined, standing up from the bed and walking towards him. 

"Then what is it?" He lowered his voice once he saw you getting close, "Fuck, y/n, I need you to explain this to me, I'm losing my fucking mind."

"I just need time-" 

"More time?" He scoffed, and it was probably the first time you've seen him mocking you this way, "Don't you see I'm fucking desperate?! My damn girlfriend is ignoring me! What am I supposed to think about that?" 

"Cregan, you need to understand me," you spoke in a thin voice, reaching for his shoulder and trying to calm him down, "this is- is not easy for me either."

"Then let me help you!" 

"You can't." 

"Does this have something to do with Aemond?" He dared to ask, and your response immediately told him the answer. 

You froze, as if the pure utterance of his bloody name brought chills into your spine. Your lower lip shook as your vision became blurry with threatening tears. Cregan let out a sly, mocking laugh as his hands brushed in his face. 

"Cregan…" you tried to say, but he, once again, interrupted you. 

"Something happened between you and him at the lake, right?" 

Your head slightly shook, but Cregan was too blinded by his broken heart that he barely saw it. He just nodded, assuming his words were correct, and started to pick up his things. 

"Fuck this," he muttered, and then you broke. 

Thick tears running down your face as you saw your worst nightmare coming true. You tried to reach for his hand but he shoved it away before you could even touch him. 

"Cregan, please…" 

"I can't talk to you right now," he muttered, "just- just… fuck." 

He opened the door of your room and slammed it behind his back. The sound made you shrink in your position as you stood there, still contemplating what had happened. You looked around and before you could drop on your knees, Helaena walked into your room. 

Her haze softened in the minute she saw your poor state; trembling and sobbing quietly as your reddish face was soaked with tears. She rushed to your side and held you between her comforting arms. 

That night, Helaena let you sleep in her room, cuddling you as you cried and constantly woke up from nightmares that tormented you not only while being awake, but also as you slept. Suddenly the flu was nothing compared to the thoughts that were haunting you even as you tried to find peace in your dreams. 

Two days later you booked an emergency session with your therapist, and you told her everything. Every single detail of your life, your relationship, how you were feeling about them and about yourself. And the solution she gave was unexpected, 

"Leave," she told you, "Sometimes running away is the bravest thing we can do. You will not be able to heal if you stay in the environment that broke you in the first place. It's like digging your finger in an open wound; it would only make things painful for you."

"What about Helaena?" You had asked. 

"Helaena is your direct connection to Aemond," she tried to explain with soft words, trying not to make you panic, "I'm afraid you'll have to leave her behind until you know you are in a good mental state."

Those words were engraved in your mind, adding another negative thing in your life; leaving your best friend. Helaena has been your other half since you both met in preschool, never leaving her side, not even when you went to separate high schools. You would always find your way back to her. 

For a long time you thought that Helaena was the one true love of your life, for her loyalty to you was beyond the charts, and vice versa. That's why the idea of being away from her was unthinkable until your therapist mentioned it… and now all you wanted to do was to cry. Cry until there is no more anguish inside of you, until it leaves you dry. 

Of course you told Helaena. Later that day, when you both were in the living room watching some reality show, you opened your mouth because you couldn't hold it any longer. The bowl of popcorn between your hands was now on the center table as Helaena held you close, caressing your hair and tearing up too. 

"It doesn't matter if you go to the other side of the world, y/n," she softly whispered, "we will always find our way to each other."

"You're my soulmate, Hel," you whispered back, wiping the tears that had fallen in your cheeks. "Probably the only one who ever truly loved me," you muttered the last words, and you quickly saw your best friend shaking her head with a gentle smile drawn upon her face. 

"We both know that's not true," she said as she placed a strand of hair behind your ear. 

And your haze quickly softened once you realized who she was referring to. 

It's been three days, and the only messages you've been receiving from Cregan are 'good morning' and 'good night'. You knew for sure that all of this was your fault, the miscommunication and lack of honesty had brought the doom of your relationship with Cregan and you wondered if it was too late to save it. 

But you owed it to him. Cregan loved you as much as you loved him, and for that you need to try. 

A few days later, when the flu had already left your body and you finally got the guts to dare to speak about it, you sat on the balcony of your apartment, cuddling in the chair that you bought in a thrift store. The summer days were already leaving as a cold breeze sent you chills all over your body, making you shiver. Your phone was in front of you, and in the tiny screen it was Cregan's contact.

Just a tiny touch would do to start a very much needed call. You were longing to hear his voice again, soothing you as his strong and protective arms made you feel safe. You needed him. 

You were alone in the apartment; Helaena went to an exhibition of bugs in the Natural Museum of Westeros with some of her work mates. She had invited you, but you rejected it; you needed to start to learn how to live away from her.

That's why it was so weird for you to hear noise inside the apartment, steps clicking against the wood of the old floor as your body froze with fear. Without even thinking, you stood up, and you committed the mistake of leaving your phone behind on the table in order to go and see what was going on. 

You checked the rooms, the bathroom, the living room, and you couldn’t find anything out of place. You let yourself relax for a few seconds before hearing the fridge being open… and then you panicked even more when you noticed the main door being opened. 

"Helaena?" You asked with a shaky voice, sneakily walking towards the kitchen being grateful for being barefooted, "Hel?" 

And then you saw him. 

Aemond turned around at the same time he closed the fridge. He was wearing all black and his eyepatch was nowhere to be seen. You were able to see the precious stone replacing his missing eye; a look that would make him appear even more intimidating than he already was. You shrunk in your position, feeling helpless and belittled with his mere presence. 

The anguish returned to your chest, and the feeling of hopelessness was installed in you. Your lips were pressed in a thin line as your hands started to shake. Your mind felt dizzy and fuzzy with this unwanted visitor. 

"What are you doing?" You asked in a breathless tone, as if you were too tired of repeating this all the time, "Gods, why can't you just leave the fuck alone?" 

"I've came for what is mine," he answered, shrugging as a smug grin appeared in his lips, "I've came for you, y/n."

"I'm going to call the cops-" 

"I'm not doing anything illegal," he mocked. 

"You entered my house without my permission."

"My sister's house," he corrected you, "now, now... did you dump that stupid excuse of a man?" 

"Don't talk about him like this," you threatened him, speaking sternly. 

"Does he already know what happened between us, darling?" He stepped closer to you, and you looked up at him as he grabbed your chin, "does he know that you kissed me?" 

"You kissed me!" you yelped, already feeling the itching in your nose announcing the upcoming tears. 

"And you kissed me back," he pointed out. 

"You- you forced me to-" 

"No excuses, love, I know what happened between us that night, you barely fought against me," he leaned closer to your lips until he was close enough to rub your nose against his, "you wanted it as much as I did." 

And then, you were under his spell again. Your breath shaking as you tried to sigh to regain some of the strength you've lost in his presence, but with him it was impossible. 

His hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you close to him as his other hand wrapped in around the side of your neck, keeping you still. You could only look at him, for your limbs were unresponsive to your consciousness, and no matter how hard you tried to pull away, you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. You froze in your place. 

"Mhm… you're going to be mine forever, darling," he said, now brushing his lips with yours, "I will make sure everyone knows it."

You closed your eyes, and tears fell down from them as soon as you did. 

"Everyone will know that Cregan's little girlfriend belongs to me now."

And then it hit you right there, like a hard slap across your face. 

Aemond never loved you, and he never will.

For him, you were nothing but a trophy to brag about with others, a sign that he had finally won something over Cregan Stark. Aemond saw you as a consolation prize after all the times he lost against him, after all the competitions where Aemond was second place. In his eyes, you were just another thing to compete for. 

Suddenly, something switched within you. The sadness that used to make you freeze in front of his respectable frame was now becoming something else; rage. Anger washed over you as you finally woke up from those dreams your past self had left behind. You started to breathe faster, heavier, your face turning red as your tears stopped from falling. 

A feeling was installed in your chest, the same one that you felt the day when you saw Aemond and his new girlfriend. A feeling that made you see only red. 

With a strength you didn't even know you had, you pushed him away. He took it by surprise and stumbled backward until his back reached the fridge, dropping a few magnets in the process. The madness was clear in your face, your exorbitant eyes staring at him as he tried to regain his composure in order to grab you again. But before he could get any closer to you, you grabbed a knife from the center table and quickly put it against his neck. 

His eye widened with surprise as he gulped, and once he tried to move you away from him, you buried the blade against his skin, not so deep but enough to cause a small cut and let some drops of his blood fall down his milky skin. 

"I won't let you ruin my life!" You yelled between sobs and gasps, "Not anymore!" 

"Y/n…"

"I should've fucking killed you at Helaena’s party!" you screamed, as you saw a glimpse of fear on Aemond's eye, "Get out of my life, leave me fucking alone!" 

Your yells became a bit too loud and you didn't even notice. You were out of your mind, completely blinded by the rage and the adrenaline rush of the moment. Aemond was trying to calm you down, visibly anxious with the situation he was in. He never expected you to react this way, to actually put a knife against his throat, he was actually fearing for his life as he saw the crazy look in your face. 

You lost it, you had gone mad thanks to him. 

"If you ever dare to fuck with me or Cregan I'm going to fucking kill you, Aemond!" You threatened him, grunting as you push the blade a bit harder, now the blood staining his clothes and your hand, "I'm not fucking lying, you better leave alone."

Aemond gulped and slightly nodded, but before he could even pronounce a word, you felt a presence behind your back. You followed Aemond's haze until you found Cregan's frame, looking at you with widened eyes and a confused look in his face. 

Your eyes instantly softened with the sight of him, and the knife in your hand fell onto the floor setting Aemond free from your grip and threats. You started to shake, and feel weak; it was as if all the emotions arrived into your body at once making you feel like you were about to faint. You eyed Aemond who was grabbing his throat and looking down at your bloody hands with an horrified look, as if he could not believe what had just happened.

It was so fast, that you barely regained consciousness of yourself when you started to feel your breathing fastening and your heart beating too loud. Your vision became blurry and seconds before it turned black, you felt a pair of arms holding you tight against a firm chest. You felt everything around you disappear once the sweet cologne of your boyfriend reached your nose, leaving a feeling of peace before you passed out. 

You didn't know how much time had passed before you woke up, but you knew whose arms were surrounding your body, making you feel safe. Cregan noticed your eyes fluttering open and he quickly started to loose his grip so you could properly move. The first thing you did once your eyes were fully open, was to search for his face. His beautiful, ethereal face. 

His hand immediately went to your cheek, which had a stain of dried blood that he had not been able to clean as you were sleeping. He used his thumb to wipe the dry tears out of your eyes and then you sighed. 

"Aemond kissed me," you finally confessed, your voice sounding raspy and lower than usual. 

"When?" He asked, without stopping his caresses on your face.

"At the Lake House." 

"Did you kiss him back?" 

You took a minute to think about it. You did kiss him back, but it was because he had forced you to do it. The mere memory brought tears upon your already swollen and red eyes. 

"Y-yes…" you replied unsure, making it sound more like a question rather than an affirmation. 

"And what did you feel?" 

You frowned, "what?" 

"When he kissed you," he explained, "what did you feel?" 

Your bottom lip slightly trembled, and Cregan was quick enough to take his thumb to it, caressing it with care and delicacy. Inevitably, a couple tears escaped from you. 

"I thought that I would feel something," you confessed, "but the only thing I felt was fear, of you finding out and leaving me for it."

"And when you kiss me?" he asked shyly, in a whisper that you were only able to hear thanks to the proximity between you two, "when I touch you? what do you feel then?" 

It was indescribable, you thought. His mere presence was enough to bring calmness to you, to make you feel good and relaxed. It was something that no one had made you feel before, something that you didn't experience until you met him. 

You couldn’t find the word to describe it, but you chose the word that seemed to be close enough, 

"Peace," you muttered, taking your hand and placing it in his cheek. 

"Peace?" He asked, and you nodded. 

"When I was with Aemond, everything felt like waves crashing against my body in a sea which I could never leave," you shrugged, now going to his soft brown hair, stroking it with much care. "It was as it was drowning me, tossing me around without letting me escape… until I met you." 

Cregan swallowed nervously, and you could perceive a slight rose color in his cheeks. 

"You made it stop, Cregan. You brought calmness and peace to my life," your voice came out shaky and whiny as you started to sob. He wiped your tears as you sniffed and then, you continued, "You saved me from drowning, you pulled me out of the ocean."

You saw his eyes gleaming as he stared quietly back at you. You saw his pupils dilated after each word you would say. He never, not even for an instant, stopped watching you. 

"I love you more than I ever loved anyone before. I'm in love with you in every sense of the word. And I'm sorry if I was a shitty person and allowing you to think otherwise, I would never forgive myself for that… but I was so fucking scared of losing you because of what had happened. I was scared of hurting you."

He remained quiet, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as his lips parted a little, as if he wanted to say something but he regretted instantly. 

"So now I beg you to forgive me. I cannot lose you, Cregan. I- I love you so much that I feel I can't live without you anymore," you shrugged, feeling your cheeks soaked with your tears, "And I know that right now you're probably seeing me as a fucking psycho, as mad woman, but please, please, Cregan, I beg you to-" 

His lips silenced you in the most romantic way as he softly kissed you, holding your face in a delicate manner that actually made you forget about the rest of the world. The only thought in your mind now was the fact that Cregan was yours once again, and that you were his in the same way. 

Your heart barely burst once you felt his sweet caresses, and you heard his soft 'i love yous' against your lips as his arms returned to their favorite position: around you. 

With breathless words, he whispered once he had the strength to pull away from your lips, "Let us get away from here… come to the North with me, away from everything that troubles you. We can be happy that I promise you."

"Cregan…" you gasped softly. 

"No more tears for you, I promise you that. You would never get to feel as if you were drowning, because I'll make sure you won't."

"But-"

"We can find a small apartment for the both of us, we can have a new beginning together…" he muttered, pecking your lips every now and day, "I'll make sure to find an apartment with two bedrooms, so Hel can come and visit us whenever she pleases… what do you think?" 

And then, after days of feeling completely miserable and unhappy, a genuine smile appeared on your face as the tears dried in your cheeks and you nodded. Cregan chuckled softly, 

"Yes?" He asked, smiling back at you. 

"Yes," you said, grabbing his face just to kiss him once again. 

The need to show your love once again started to create a heat between you two. The big fight was over, your troubles will soon vanish, you had never felt more happy than you felt in that little intimate moment. It was all you ever needed. 

Soon your clothing started to disappear with the increasing need of feeling each other's body pressing. The necessity of feeling him closer than that. The kisses deepened, your hands became more curious and your breaths became heavier with each passing minute. 

Sweet moans were heard a few minutes later as Cregan was thrusting inside of you. Your arms and legs wrapped around his big and wide body, holding him close with the fear of losing him again. 

Your eyes closed as Cregan softly moaned against your ear, whispering sweet nothings and kissing your neck. You couldn't help but smile, feeling so loved, so treasured. Each touch would translate into an unspoken 'I love you'.

Right there in that moment you knew everything would be fine. All the nightmares had disappeared from your life, and a new beginning was finally waiting for you. 

And you couldn't wait to see it. 

#not the best idea #cregan x reader #cregan stark fanfic #cregan stark #cregan stark x reader #cregan x y/n #cregan stark x you #cregan stark smut #cregan stark x y/n #cregan stark x oc #aemond one eye #aemond x you #aemond x fem!reader #aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen smut #aemond x y/n #aemond fic #hotd aemond #hotd x reader #hotd x y/n #hotd au #hotd #hotd x you #hotd x fem!reader #house stark #house targaryen #house of the dragon

[sissylittlefeather]

4F, a little bit of both 🤭

Hi friend!! I finally finished this 😅. Anyway, I had fun with this one. I hope you love it!

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, kissing, cussing, spanking, oral sex (f receiving), face sitting, p in v sex, unprotected sex, creampie

Prompt: "Do it again, a little harder this time." with '74-'77 Big Daddy Elvis

You love the sound of rain as it hits the windows while you lay in the big bed at Graceland. Elvis is out for the moment while you enjoy the gloomy weather and calming noise of raindrops pattering against the glass. You haven't been yourself recently and it feels good to just lay in bed and be sad. Before too long, the tears are streaming down your cheeks, matching the rain as it falls.

You're in this state when Elvis walks in. He hears you before he sees you, so he comes to the side of the bed and sits down beside you carefully.

"What's got you cryin', Little?" You wipe your face and try to sit up.

"Oh, nothing, honey, don't worry about me."

"I'll worry 'bout you if I damn well please. Now who do I need to hurt for makin' my pretty girl cry?" You love when he gets protective like this.

"Me, I guess. I don't know. I'm just making myself sad." He smiles gently and brushes your hair out of your face. Then, his smile changes a bit and you can see the playfulness in his eyes.

"Well, in that case, get on over here so I can punish you." He grabs you teasingly and you laugh for the first time in days as he bends you over his knee.

"Elvis!" He spanks you a few times lightly.

"Now, you just quit it, y'hear?" Something about this position and the way he hits you is working. You're certainly not thinking about being sad anymore.

"Do it again, harder this time." You say seductively. The tone of the whole room changes and you both stop laughing.

"Oh, yeah?" He lifts up your nightgown and pulls your panties down so that your bare ass is exposed. "You want me to spank you harder?" He rubs on you for a second and then backs his hand up and hits you harder. The sound rings out across the room and you feel yourself get wetter between your legs.

"Again. Harder." He's never spanked you before, but the effect is something you truly enjoy. This time, before he backs his hand up, he rolls his rings around so that the glittering tops are on the inside of his hand. He hits you with more force this time and you catch your bottom lip between your teeth.

When his hand makes contact with your ass, you feel the cold hardness of his rings and your pussy clenches around nothing. The sight of his ring prints on your bare ass makes his cock twitch and you feel it underneath your stomach. He spanks you one last time before neither of you can stand it anymore and he rolls you over on his lap and plants a deep, wet kiss on your mouth, dipping his tongue into your mouth hungrily.

Without breaking the kiss, you move to straddling his lap, feeling his dick between your legs hardening every second. He runs his hands up your nightgown to discover you aren't wearing a bra. He lightly pinches your nipples between his thumb and forefingers before squeezing your breasts with both hands. Then, he pulls your nightgown up over your head and tosses it to the side. He works himself out of his jacket and shirt and holds you close to him. You wrap your arms around his neck and press yourself up against his soft warmth.

Finally, you break the kiss and stand, sliding your panties down your legs. He lays back on the bed, taking his pants off and kicking his shoes across the room. You go to settle yourself onto his hips, but he shakes his head and gestures for you to come up higher.

"C'mere, honey." He pulls you up until you settle with your knees up around his shoulders. Then, he wraps his large hands around your hips and pulls your pussy down to his face. He holds you still while he licks over and around your clit, stopping every once in a while to push his tongue into your slit. You grab on to the headboard to steady yourself as the pleasure washes over you.

"Oh, fuck, Elvis." He keeps up a steady pace with his tongue, alternating between flattening it and moving his head side to side and tightening it and licking you hard. Your legs start to shake as you feel your climax building between your hips.

"Come for me, baby." He whispers into your pussy as you moan. Your orgasm crashes into like a freight train, rushing through your veins to your wet center and exploding out to your fingertips. He eagerly continues to lick you and clean you up as you come hard on his face. When you can't take it anymore, you move back to his hips and lay on his chest, breathing heavily. Finally, you look up at your desire glistening on his chin and he wipes his face with his hand, rings still in place, before pulling you in for a kiss.

You're overwhelmed with a need to bring him to his release, so you pull up onto your knees and sink down onto his cock until it fills you entirely. He groans and throws his head back, mouth opening partially. You smile at the sight. He's so beautiful like this, coming undone for you as you move up and down on him. You begin to roll your hips against him, pushing him deeper and deeper. The feeling of him inside you is something you'll never get enough of, as you press your hands into his chest and slide his cock in and out of you. He pulls you down onto his chest and holds you tightly as he begins to fuck you with all his strength, thrusting his hips until they meet yours with an unbridled power. You can tell he's approaching the inevitable end by the way he slams into you. He grabs the back of your hair and kisses you aggressively.

"Oh, fuck, baby, yes." He groans as he shudders and pumps into you. You feel his warmth inside you as he comes hard into you. You tighten your pussy around him and he moans again. After a few seconds, he slides out of you and holds you pressed against him. You look up and push his sweaty hair off of his forehead and kiss his cheek gently.

"Are you still sad, honey?" He asks, looking into your eyes with genuine concern.

"Not at all. How could I be sad after that?" You let out a contented sigh and snuggle into his shoulder. Together, you listen as the rain continues to pitter-patter on the window outside of your bedroom.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Love you and hope this was everything you dreamed it would be! 💋❤️

#elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley x reader #elvis smut #elvis x reader #elvis fanfic #elvis presley x y/n #elvis x y/n #elvis x you #elvis presley smut #elvis presley fic #elvis presley x you #elvis fic #elvis fanfiction

[stuffymcstuffsworld]

Guilt

Sullivan could only stare at the empty throne in silence. It had been empty for such a long time now. Why did he keep clinging?

Everyone was starting to get restless from it. Wanting a change. Yet he wanted everything to remain as it was.

◇It is expected. An oath by blood to hold the throne. And the starlight passes overhead, fuels all the skills I've honed.◇

If Derkila was no longer the demon king, then you no longer had a reason to stay. Your contract with the demon king was tied to that throne.

◇I am a guardian, a watcher of these ancient rights. Yet I find myself drawn from that path on those dazzling moonlit nights◇

You were the demon kings subordinate, not his. You hadn't budged on that statement at all since he disappeared. Normally, when an aleph like yourself was so defiant, there would be punishment.

But this was you. The sweet aleph who he and Derkila often stayed with. A loyal servant to a fault. A prideful demon who would not accept a new master. Even if it was Sullivan.

◇Let me hold you, keep you close to me, I long to hear your voice.◇

So he made you stay. Bound to that throne where you couldn't leave. Permanently stuck till a new king is crowned.

You silently glare at him from your place beside it. Maybe this is why Derkila said he would never become demon king. Because he had done such an awful thing to you through his own Greed.

Cause he had the nerve to call that love. To make excuses and claim it was for protection. It had been so long since you last spoke to him.

◇But dearest, I know better now. I must give you this choice.◇

Your tail flicked in irritation, as it always did when you saw him now. Gone were the days of grinning fangs and wagging tails. He had lost that privilege.

◇I can give you everything you need or do you want to hear me plead? Just look my way. Just look my way~◇

You looked away from him, obviously disgusted. You were the one who knew him the longest after all. More than anyone else. You couldn't stand the sight of him anymore.

◇Is there something more that I don't know? That you won't say till we've both grown cold.◇

You couldn't stand the groveling. Or the threats. You could stand being in the same place for endless nights. You would never accept his love. Not like you once had.

◇Just say "please stay" look my way~◇

Why... why did he have to be so jealous? Jealous of a demon who was no longer here. Why did he do this? Forcing you into submission here of all places.

When you had been bright and free when Derkila was here. Far happier without the slender demons interference. So why? Why did he bind you...

◇This unspoken contract. A deed we formed for mutual gain. If that's all this was when you're not here, what is this rooted pain?◇

Little imp, darling demon. Temping lover... such warm affections left behind. Your eyes are full of malice. Where did he go wrong?

What had possessed him to keep you here? You couldn't even fight back. You were an aleph. He can overpower you with a single finger.

You certainly couldn't dispose of his magic. The magical chains that keep you bound and unable to leave.

◇I don't care that you're of lower station or primed to state my dark temptations. Why can't you understand? Let me explain~◇

He had tried thousands of times... but nothing came out right. There was no proper justification for his actions. Any excuses were shoved to the side with a venomous stare.

Was your past feelings not there in the first place? Had it all been in his head? It had been so long since he had seen your genuine smile that he didn't know anymore.

◇I'm terrified as I try to make these feelings true. What's left for me and my broken heart if I can not have you?◇

Everyone was slowly leaving him. Time after time he was constantly left. So... he couldn't have you do the same. Or so he thought.

◇Unless it's me. And not matter what in this world I could give, it's not enough to get past the walls you conjured up to live.◇

You had been a charming demon it was true. But you had walls that even Derkila hadn't been able to break. So why did Sullivan think he had a chance?

You who were sensitive about ranks and were constantly belittled by others for being deemed weak. Truthfully, you were always the stronger one emotionally. Never letting your thoughts run wild.

But Sullivan had ruined that, too, hadn't he? Leaving you alone for so long. Him being your only company. Shutting you out from the rest of the world so much so that you had been forgotten by many others.

◇Is this how you feel? Scorned by a relem that can not comprehend what you are. So I'll grant you this mercy. This bind on our souls needs to end.◇

The click is the only sound in the room. It makes your ears twitch and your tail stiffen as you glance down. He had removed the chains.

Your eyes meet. Curiosity filled your features, but you didn't say anything. Just waiting for the catch you thought was coming.

But the older demon said nothing. Merely turned around and left. Leaving the door wide open behind him.

◇I will try to make amends for making you a means to an end. So look my way~ Please look my way~◇

He hears your wings flap. He truly believes it's over now. You must have run off. To get far away from him. To snatch your newfound freedom.

◇If there's something more that I don't know, I'll save us both before we grow cold.◇

A pair of arms wrap around him, and he's stunned. Your face pressed into his back. Your smaller body clining to his tall frame. You whisper softly.

☆Just look my way☆

#mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #reader #sullivan x reader #lord sullivan

[scmoobly]

Forever yours | Vincent Solaire

Goodbyes are harder for the ones that are left behind

Warning: [character death] [dealing with the pain of loss] [language]

It had already been months since that day but Vincent still couldn't find the strength in himself to keep going. To keep living.

But he didn't have a choice.

He couldn't die anyway.

Maybe that was his punishment for bringing you into his world. For loving you so much that every second without you felt like its own kind of hell.

He had been looking at the polaroid of you for what seemed like hours but even hours weren't enough.

He wished he had held you closer, kissed you harder, and ingrained every feature of you so deep into his body that he would've had to try and fail to forget you.

Neither William nor Sam could get Vincent to come out of your home let alone be around other people at all.

At first, he seemed fine. It was your choice after all. He knew he had to respect your decision to want to let your life end as a human. He knew he had no right or say in the decision you made, but it still hurt so fucking much.

When the cruel reality that he still had an eternity to live without you set in he started to starve himself for long periods of time. He liked to think that torturing himself into absolute fucking insanity would numb the pain of not having you by his side anymore.

It didn't change a thing though.

You were still gone. And he was still here.

William and Sam would take turns visiting Vincent to make sure that he was drinking enough blood to at least keep him alive

"I can't do it, William-" He cried in the arms of the older vampire. "Please make it go away-" He held onto the other as if he was holding on for dear life. "Vincent.."

As his maker, William felt every stab that Vincent inflicted upon himself with his words and his thoughts. The hatred and pure helplessness towards himself was so deep that no matter how far down he cut into Vincent's entire being William wouldn't have been able to find the part of him that still believed in life.

"I wish I could Vincent, If there were anything I could do so that you won't have to go through this, I would do it in a heartbeat, but that is the pain we take on when we choose this life." He knew in his heart that William was telling him the truth but the truth didn't make it better. It didn't comfort him. It didn't bring you back.

Fuck, he missed you much.

He would roam around your apartment in an effort to relive the memories you left behind. He would lay on your bed hugging the clothes that still had a hint of your smell and cry himself to sleep.

Even in his dreams, he couldn't escape the constant reminders of you or the last time he saw you, losing the light in your eyes.

How could he forget?

The moment he asked you for your forever as you lay in his arms almost lifeless and you used the last ounce of your strength to pull your hand away from his, reaching up and holding his cheek. You smiled weakly, running your fingers gently against his cold skin.

"I love you so much, Vincent, so much. And if this is how it's meant to end I'm grateful that I could give you the very last of myself-" You choked as you tried to finish your sentence.

"Lovely please-" He silently begged as tears poured from his eyes, leaning into your hand desperately trying to feel your warmth that was quickly growing colder. "Don't leave me, please."

He held you tightly in his arms, rocking back and forth as if he could absorb you and keep you in his heart forever.

But no such thing happened.

You passed with the remnants of a smile still on your face. Your body lay still in his arms and he remembered the distinct moment when he couldn't hear your heart beat anymore.

When he was at his worsts he'd wish, if only he had just turned you despite you telling him not to. He would've dealt with the aftermath. He would've been okay with it if you never wanted to see him again as long as he knew you were alive.

More time passed and Vincent had finally gathered the courage to visit your grave from time to time. He still broke down when he came back to an empty house where you were no longer waiting for him, but he was trying his best.

Vincent got down on his knees and placed the bouquet of carnations near your stone, swiping away the stray leaves and dust that had gathered around it.

"It's been months Lovely, but it feels likes decades have passed. I struggle to even remember the sound of your voice now-" His voice cracked towards the end, tears pooling around his eyes like it was instinct. He couldn't even think about you without crumbling into pieces.

He didn't want you to see the pitiful state he was in where ever you were so he wiped away his tears and put on a brave face once more, facing your grave with a heavy heart.

"You're missed Lovely, and if missing you is pain then I am ready to be in that pain for the rest of my life. As long as it keeps a part of you in it. Anything as long as even a fragment of you is still there."

He placed his forehead on the gravestone, letting out muffled sobs.

"You aren't mine but I'll forever be yours."

#ao3 #fanfic #headcanons #redacted asmr #redacted headcanons #redacted audio #redacted lovely #redacted vincent #vincent x lovely #redacted darlin #redacted angel #redacted davey/angel #redacted david #vincent solaire #lovely #redactedverse #redacted inversion #redacted imperium

[blueberrykenn]

In Between: 0 Prologue

Taehyung meets his best friend's sister and its love at first sight but only for him

Idol Taehyung x Idol Reader Yoongi x Reader

side ships: Jimin x reader

Warnings: YANDERE!! Gore!! Dead Dove hardcore, smut, implied SA

Rating: 18+

Words: 480

Notes: after 3 years in the process im finally gonna rewrite this fic entirely and finish it!!!

March 10th, 2033:

Name: Y/N

Nickname: Dove

Age:35

People say it gets better right?

Ever since JiMin got into Bangtan its been nothing but good. Ever since he met Him...

Kim Taehyung.

He's the reason all my friends, family even the love of my life are gone...the reason why I can't even go out without him , the sole reason I gave up my own dream is it stalking? Obsession? who even knows at this  point all I know is;

1. I need to terminate this abomination I have because of him 

and 

2. I need to escape and get out of here

Because at this point I can't take this anymore, he took both of my brothers, one being his "best friend" ,my fiancé, my parents  even my closest friends. what did I do wrong in my past life  to be put in a situation like this. Did I kill a man? mass killing? was I in the mafia? I know Taehyung is connected to them but that's a given knowing he's like this with me and only me. The only way for this to end is escaping, which I have done but was always found and put back here in this hell hole so my only other option is killing myself or killing him. Its my only way of getting out of this cycle of being kidnapped every week at this point.

"Dove? You haven't escaped yet? This is a new record we should celebrate by ordering takeout!!"  I hear a deep voice say as I hear the door open 

shit, Its Taehyung

I throw my journal under the bed as I look into his insane dark brown eyes with his boxy smile like he's proud of me or something, it's not like he's not attractive he is, he was an Idol, The most popular Idol group after all, hell he was The most handsome man at one point in time, its just, he was never my type. my type was Yoongi oh how much I miss him...

"Stop it, you know I get jealous when you remember him, I killed him for a reason" I hear Taehyung growl and I look into his eyes once again and I force a smile for him before I say "I could never honey, he's been gone a long time at this point I don't even remember what he looks like" 

Taehyung smiles before going into my closet to pick out something for me to wear, picking out a purple form fitting dress by giving it to me. "Go get ready Dove we'll leave in an hour don't try anything while we're out you know the punishments in them"

I nod as he closes the door behind him as I go into my bathroom to get ready for whatever he planned, knowing I'll try to escape like I always do.

It wasn't always like this with him If only I can go back in time...

#taehyung x reader #kim taehyung #taehyung #taetae #yoongi #yoongi x reader #min yoongi #bts #bts x reader

[storysofanavenger]

His and only his

Tony Stark/Iron Man x fem!reader

Summary: You’re alone in a meeting room at the Avengers Tower. You’re „busy“ till Tony comes in…

Warnings: names (dear,pet); begging; embarrassing moments for reader (but they aren’t); dom Tony, sub reader; overstimulation; slight swearing; SMUT

1.301 words

——————————

„Almost, almost there-“, I gasped. I leaned myself into my hand and rubbed faster. He always told me to go slow but I couldn’t. I can’t stand the teasing from myself, I had to go faster. I moaned as quite as I could because I don’t want that he can hear me from the outside of the meeting room but it is hard. He told me only to use light, slow touches if I dare to touch myself but I can’t. My thoughts are completely with him and that turned me on so much that I can’t take it anymore. I think about how he is teasing me and telling me I’m a bad little girl which only wants his cock. I’m thinking of how he touches himself while I lay in front of him, legs spread and like a moaning and shaking mess and he could observe everything. That he can see how I touch myself and how bad and needy I am for him. How he would let out slight moans only to turn me on even more. How he would forbid me to touch him even though I would like to. He would know that I was so desperate for his touches and his cock. And he would use that to punish me for being his bad little pet.

"Hey Dear would you please write new...", he comes into the meeting room of the Avengers tower. I didn't hear him. I continue. I couldn't keep it together and started moaning his name softly. "Can you make me a list of-...Dear, are you okay? Deary?" he asks quitely.

He comes further back into the meeting room until he sees me laying on the brown lether couch which stands in the middle of the room. "To-...ahh~ fuck, Tony~", I moan as quietly as I can.

"Dear? What are you doing here?", he asks louder. I scared myself so much that it sent a chill down my spine.

I stare in absolute embarrassment into his direction. But I dare not look him in the eyes.

I wish that I’m not here at the moment. How he looks at me. He just stares at me. Half laying half sitting and being totally red on my face. He seeks my gaze, stares into my eyes and grins darkly at me. He comes straight over to me, leans down and grabs my chin. „Did I give you permission to do that, Dear?“, he asks. „No, I äh you didn’t have“, I say.

He takes off his Helmet and puts away his complete suit with one command. Then he kneels in front of the couch and orders me to slide closer to him. It is so embarrassing for me because he is so close and can see everything. "You're already so wet just thinking of me. What do you think I can do with you right now?", he asks ironically. He touches me at the same moment he says this. I quickly reach down there but he takes my hand away. "Now it's my turn, take your hand away, pet."

He starts to make slight touches and after a while he adds his mouth and goes harder.

He goes more and more intense.

„Oh~“, it feels like heaven. I can’t stand it any longer. „Tony~please…I need to cum! Please let me cum“, I wined out. He doesn’t answer. I only got a growl back. I know without his permission I’m not allowed to but it was hard, so fucking hard. „Tony, please~ I’ll be forever your good little pet but please let me cum! I can’t stand it any longer~“, I say. Now I can’t moan quietly and I didn’t care who could hear me from the meeting room. I didn‘t care wheter Steve or Bruce or Nick or someone else could hear me. The only thing I wanted was his permission. He loves when I beg so I try to go on. It was hard to only get one word out of my mouth the only thing I let out were tortured, desperate moans. „Tony~ahh fuck, please. I beg you…please let me cum“, I wined out. „Oh there you are, so needy for my hands and mouth. I could hear that beautiful sound the whole day. Dear, did I tortured you enough, what would you say?“, he said with a dark smirk. I can’t answer. He stops from one moment to the next. I gasped, as I felt a hard smack on my ass. „Answer, pet“, he says sharply. „Yes ohh~ yes you did. Please, Tony. I’m so fucking desperate for your touches, you feel so good. I can’t stand it any longer. Please, please let me cum“, I almost shout out. He only gave me his dark smile. „Go on, Dear,“ he says. „Please~ohh please. You’re the best. I’m all yours. Yours and only yours“, I gasp.

„Hmm~ music in my ear. You have the permission. You stand it so good, like a good little pet. Like my good little pet. Cum for me little one, cum all over my face.“ „But…noo, no, please go away with your face. Please,I ahh plea~“, that’s it, I can’t stand it any longer. I come all over his hands and face. I’m as ashamed as never before. He comes up a bit that I can see what he is doing. He licks his mouth slowly. „Oh pet, you taste so good.“

He lays down again but this time he looks still into my eyes. He watches me from top to the bottom. He looks back into my eyes. I was so tired. I’m not completely down from my high but I could sleep right away. He rubs again my clit but this time more rough and faster. „Holy sh~, Tony. What ahh~?, I gasp. „Tony, stop. It’s ah~ I’m so sensitive.“ „Little one you’re not finished yet.“ He presses his fingers a bit to much on me. I can’t stand it. He rubs fast and makes messy moves which tortures me even more. I was shaking and I can’t get a noice out of my mouth. I only choke on my own moans. I guess he enjoys the view very much. My whole body is trembling and I try to escape from his touches but he hold me right on the spot. He presses one arm over my lap so that I can’t move. „Tony, don’t hold me like this, I can’t move. Don’t watch me, it’s to embarrassing.“, I say shakily. I was to weak at the moment. This man makes me his and only his. The knot in my stomach grows and grows. But he goes on, he has no mercy with me. „Oh Dear, you look so good from down here. So good for me, hm? My little pet. I want to see, to feel everything from you.“, he says. I can’t take it any longer, I was not able to say anything at the moment. Now I really was his moaning mess that he wanted. „Ahh~ fuck. Tony, please stop I can’t take it any longer~“, I moan. My whole body trembles hard one last time and then I came again all over his hand. I fall back, eyes closed. As I open them, he is right next to me. And grins into my face. He looks me in the eyes and licks his fingers from the bottom to the top, then he takes them into his mouth completely. „Tony, don’t. Don’t take this in your mouth“, I say in embarrassment. „Dear, you taste so good“, he says with a grin. He guides his fingers to my mouth. „Taste yourself be a good little pet“, he orders me. I did. It was weird but before I could think about it he gives me a passionate, deep kiss.

#avengers #marvel #mcu #xreader #y/n #yourname #fanfic #tonystarkxreader #tonystark #ironmanxreader #ironman #smut #begging #domtony #subreader

#avengers #marvel #mcu #x reader #y/n #your name #fanfic #tony stark x reader #tony stark #iron man x reader #iron man #dom tony #sub reader

[bygiornogiovanna]

Acceptance

Summary: Bruno comes home injured and you can't help but feel bad for him. Did you finally accept him? Or was it just because he was injured.

word count: 1.4k

tw: mentions of kidnapping, mentions of starving, mentions of blood, Bruno is injured

hahahaha i really have nothing better to do than write silly little stories. hope you like this one too!

(🔝 how bruno looks at darling <3)

You were reading a new book from your vast library, each page captivating you even more than the other. You found out that reading was your new hobby ever since you got here. Well, that was basically everything you did, except cooking, cleaning, or trying on different gifts your boyfriend brought you.

Ah yes, your 'boyfriend', Bruno Bucciarati. Or so, that's what he claimed himself to be. You gave up fighting him a long time ago, knowing it was useless: The man was crazy over you and all that fighting him brought you were punishments. He either zipped your mouth shut or starved you. He wasn't that bad anyway. It was just weird to have somebody call you pet names and act like a lover to you when you felt nothing for him. Not even hatred, well not anymore at least. You accommodated his behavior, knowing what satisfies him and what makes him angry.

As you were reading, the sound of the front door being slammed shut could be heard in the whole house, followed by a groan. At first, you thought that Bruno was just tired from his mission so you didn't pay it any mind. But, after you didn't hear anything, not even his footsteps to signal that he was coming upstairs, you frowned and closed your book. You didn't know why, but the fact that you heard nothing from him, not even his usual kind words and questions about your day, worried you sick, so you decided to get up and investigate.

"Bruno? Are you there?" You shouted while going to the entrance. You had an uneasy feeling about this situation, so you grabbed the closest thing to you: a vase. You heard another groan, which made your frown deepen. You went down the stairs to check who was making those sounds and what you saw made your body stiffen. Bruno was sitting there, covered in blood and holding his arm around his stomach. A gasp escaped between your lips at that sight, the vase you were holding previously hitting the ground.

"Y-you weren't supposed t-to see me like.. this," Bruno said, trying to regain his stability against the wall. You were still in shock, slowly approaching him.

"A-Are you okay?! Who did this to you? What happened?" You fell on your knees beside him, placing your hand on his face. You couldn't help but worry about him when you saw him like this.

"I'm fine, tesora/o, don't worry about me." He muttered, forcing a smile. He was breathing heavily, closing his eyes shut. "Really, it pains me more to see you this worried. I'll be better in no time."

"Please, Bruno, tell me what happened? Or tell me how can I help?" You said while chewing on your lip. "Can you go up the stairs?"

"I don't think so. Bring me some bandages and rubbing alcohol. I can handle myself alone, really, you don't have to worry." Bruno told you, but you didn't listen. You couldn't let him like this, even with all that he did to you. It was inhuman. So, without further due, you got up and sprinted up the stairs, going to get the first-aid kit. You also got a pillow, knowing the wall was cold, thinking it might make the pain a little better. Arriving there, you sat next to him again and opened the first-aid kit.

"What's the pillow for?" He asked, raising a brow.

"For you, I know that it's a little colder here so I thought the pillow might make you a little more comfortable, and maybe ease the pain. Can you move a little, so I can place it?" Without any comment, he did as told, moaning in pain. He was really confused, why did you care? Weren't you supposed to hate him? But he wasn't complaining, he was getting your long-desired attention. "Let me see.." You muttered, your soft hand slowly taking off his once white suit, gasping at the sight of his upper body. He was covered in wounds. The one on his abdomen was still bleeding, and you were wondering how he was still conscious. It also looked the worse out of them. You looked around for a clean cloth, but there was nothing around. Without thinking too much about it, you took off your shirt and pressed it on his wound. "I know it hurts, but I need to stop the bleeding." You said when a pained groan escaped his lips. "Can you hold this for me? I have to disinfect the other wounds." He nodded, your hands touching when he pressed back on your shirt.

Sighing, you got to work, putting some rubbing alcohol on a piece of cotton. Something inside you melted when you kept hearing him groan in pain, your eyes watering. Why didn't you like seeing him like this? Why were you suffering from his pain? You couldn't understand. It didn't make sense...But, let's be serious, when did life ever make sense? You let out a soft giggle at your thought, making him raise a brow. "Oh, it's nothing, I just thought about something." You said while bandaging his arm.

You were almost done, wiping the dried blood away from his body, trying to avoid his face at all cost. You didn't think you could stay so close to him. Even in that state, he still intimidated you. You sighed relieved when you raised your shirt and saw that his bleeding stopped. Cleaning this wound more carefully, you raised your head to make sure he wasn't in too much pain. You wished you didn't, because his love-filled expression gave you...butterflies?! You felt a blush creeping up on your face, fastly going back to cleaning his wound. You wrapped the bandage around it six times, to make sure it had enough pressure. Biting your lip anxiously, you took a clean piece of cotton and started cleaning the last wounds on his face, avoiding eye contact. If you saw that look in his eyes again, who knows what will happen to you?

"You look so pretty when you are this concentrated, amore," Bruno said, one of his hands hovering over yours. Again, you blushed at him, taking a sharp breath in.

"T-Thanks. I, Uhm...I think I'm done." You said with a small smile on your face while placing the last bandage on his cheek. You got up first and helped him to his feet. "Easy, I got you." You said, putting one of his hands over your shoulders, your left holding it and your right being wrapped around his torso. "Lay your weight on me, we aren't far from the bedroom. We just need to go up the stairs, alright?" You didn't know why you reassured him so much, shit, it was his house!

Hardly, but safely, you and Bruno made it to your room. His was a little farther away, but he seemed exhausted, so you decided to switch rooms for the night. You lay him down, placing pillows around him, so he could sit comfortably. "I'm going to make some soup, call me if you need anything." You said while you got his black locks out of his eyes.

"I'm not hungry," Bruno said directly, catching your wrist. "The only thing I need is you. Stay by my side, please." You never heard him say anything in this tone. It wasn't that he was mean with you, quite the contrary, but he never asked you to do something. He just ordered you to.

"F-Fine" You bit your lip again, sitting on the edge of the bed, beside him. He pulled you closer to him, making you fall on his chest. You heard him groan and wanted to get up, but his arm around your back didn't let you. "B-Bruno, doesn't it hurt?" You mentally slapped yourself for stuttering his name. Since when did you stutter around him?

"It does, but I feel better when you are around me. It's like you take my pain away when I feel you close." At his words, a hard blush came across your face and you hid your face in the crook of his neck while he let out a chuckle, playing with your hair. You never felt so calm and comfortable around him. Maybe he wasn't as bad as you imagined him to be. Soon enough, you felt a wave of sleepiness taking over you and you let yourself fall asleep on his chest.

Bruno had no idea what was happening, but he was glad you finally accepted him, even only for the moment. Maybe today's mission wasn't as worse as it seemed.

#jojo x reader #bruno bucciarati #bruno x reader #bucciaratti #bucciarati x reader #jjba x you #jjba x reader #gender neutral reader #yandere themes #yandere bruno #yandere jjba #yandere jjba x reader #jjba part 5

[sha-bae]

Corruption

Chapter 3 (Book 2)

I yanked my dress into place against my body, staring hard at myself in the mirror. I smoothed out my hair, wiping fussily at my face to make sure I was presentable for my knights. My knights, I still hated the way that sounded, but alas that's what they were now. My masters, my only task.

I had learned over the time of being with them that they weren't as horrible as I had once imagined. Sure they weren't perfect, or even gentle really, but they fed me, clothed me, kept me warm and alive and for that I was grateful. It took many moons but I had gotten over the once lingering feeling of wanting to no longer exist. At least alive I could hold onto the idea that maybe on day I'd be able to live freely. Well, as freely as one can live when the entire galaxy is itching to get there hands on you anyways.

Sighing a gave myself one last look over, frowning as I noticed the redness of my wind chapped cheeks. Shrugging i turned to exit the bathroom, not much I could do about it now, knowing mentioning it would make Trudgen think it hurt inevitably getting me sent to medbay, and I wouldn't let that happen.

I had been summoned to the throne room, a rare and unusual occasion seeing as Kylo did his best to keep me out of his presence as much as he could, claiming he found me to be a nuisance.  I sighed heavily, knowing the interaction would likely be an unpleasant one, like most everything that had to do with the supreme leader.

I shuffled my way through the halls of the base, not making any particular effort to hurry, taking my time to get where I was headed. I knew the childish man didn't like to be kept waiting, but keeping him waiting seemed to be one of the only tiny things I could do to slightly agitate him at this point without being to severely punished, and I basked in that.

As I made it to the throne room door, I straighten myself once again, smoothing my dress as I bit nervously into the skin of my cheek. "Here we go again." I huffed before pressing my hand to the data pad that controlled the doors mechanism. It slide open promptly before I stepped inside, slowly making my way into the duskly lit room.

I quickly took notice of the three knights that occupied the space alongside Ren, standing tall and silent, not acknowledging me as I came to stand before the throne. "Princess, how nice of you to finally join us." Kylo spoke, a hint in annoyance laced in his voice just as I had expected.

"My apologies for the delay, Master Ren. This base is so large, very easy to get lost." I replied, giving the man a curtsy as I spoke, doing all I could to keep the smirk that tugged at my at bay. He gave me a knowing look, a warning that immediately wiped any hint of smugness from my face.

"I hear from my men you've been doing much better with your duties. That your cooperative even. Was surprised to hear such things seeing how unpleasant you where to be around when you first arrived." He continued, examining his gloves boardly as he spoke. My nails dug harshly into the palms of my hands as I bit my tongue, taking in a slow deep breath to calm myself.

Kylo had that affect on me, the ability to bring my temper to a boil with something as simple as his words. I hated that about him, the sheer power he held over me. I released my breath, forcing myself to relax my shoulders and hands, bringing a ridged smile to my burning face.

"I do as I'm told, Master Ren. Just as you instructed." He smirked at this, the action only making me more mad. "Good. I'd hate for my knights play thing to be difficult for them to enjoy." A play thing, that's all I truly was to these men, and I accepted that. But hearing it come from his mouth made a sick feeling gather in my stomach.

I'd hate to make there lives anymore difficult then they must already be having to deal with you everyday.

I cursed myself silently for having such thoughts, knowing full well he could hear every little thing that crossed my mind. I only hoped he'd take pity on me, reward me for how good I'd been lately and let that one slide. He leaned forward in his chair, scowling down at me, his gaze making me want to crawl into my own skin.

"I think I'd like to see how well you've managed to train her boys." He exclaimed, the notion immediately making it feel like a rock had hit the bottom of my stomach. I gulped. Surly he wasn't serious, surly he was just trying to scare me, right? The three knights who had stood silent together slowly approached, they themselves seeming unsure of what Ren had said.

"Don't be shy boys, I'm sure she doesn't mind an audience." Kylo chuckled lowly as he stood, making his way down to stand only feet away from me. My hands were shaking in terror at this point, he was serious, very serious. "On your knees princess." He commanded, tipping his chin up at me as he awaited me to follow his orders. My breath hitched inside my chest as I tried to think of a way out of this situation all together, but not a single thought came to mind.

"Kylo, don't do this." I spoke, my voice barely above a whisper as I looked up at him with pleading eyes. He smirked down at me, knowing he had struck a nerve. "You heard me. Now get down on your knees and show your knights what an obedient pet you are."

Embarrassed, my face reddened. I hated the way he made me feel when he spoke to me that way, small and useless. I scanned the faces around me. My knights, Cardo, Trudgen, and Ap'Lek stood before me, there presence radiating with power as they towered over me from every side.

Kylo, clearly annoyed with my hesitation huffed. "Don't make me ask you again, princess. Get on your knees." He cooed, his fingers lacing into my hair as he took a tight grip on my scalp. "Yes Master" I whimpered, nodding against his grip as I let myself be guided to the ground before the three men. Rens helmet came down beside my face, the sound of his breathing making my skin crawl. "They've told me what a good girl you can be. I'd like to see."

#supreme leader snoke #knights of ren #knights of ren smut #knights of ren x reader #kylo #kylo ren #star wars #star wars smut #smut #starwars

[alllovegoddess]

A friend of mine has lately been sharing more posts with openly resentful attitudes about various abuse cases- celebrating a convicted serial killer for murdering sa-ers, celebrating the release of a man who killed his friend for targeting his daughter, and the like. Most recent was a post of someone celebrating their abuser taking his own life, under which people were talking about how it's bad to speak of them like that, and others in response would say that the abuser "lost his humanity" when he decided to target someone. It got me thinking about the nature of "humanity" in the first place. That is to say, how would you define "justice with mercy" for matters like this? How can we properly give somebody a chance to change for better with no certainty of their commitment to it? And if the possibility exists that they can become worse, how do we deal with that?

sorry for taking a while on this one, i accidentally poisoned myself two nights ago and had to recover from it! but yeah let's dig into this

when it comes to discussing things like abuse cases in the framework i'm putting forth, they do have to be viewed through the lens of like...understanding that abuse is cyclical, by which i mean that there is no abuser in the world whose abusive actions are suddenly springing up from nowhere. we can see this in direct ways, like how many abusers were often abused themselves, but also by looking at more subtle ways, such as the culture or other omnipresent systems people were raised in. people throw around the word "indoctrination" a lot without really understanding what it means or how difficult it is to break out of it, but let's use a really simple analogy here to like, break into what i'm talking about

so, there's this girl in high school who's a bully. she spends her time mocking others, putting them down, physically picking fights, etc etc. if we look at just one dimension of this, she's the one in the wrong and needs to be punished, but...

the girl in question has an abusive father who hits her and her mother regularly. the reason that she's abusive towards her peers is because she is being abused and has nowhere else to vent the frustration and powerlessness that comes from that. thus, simply punishing the girl isn't going to do anything to address the base cause of why she's doing what she's doing; if anything, it's just going to exacerbate it, because now that's another person in power forcing their will on her, which confirms the outlook she's already learned: people in power will hurt the people weaker than them, therefore she needs to be someone powerful so as to not get hurt

what about the father, then. if we remove him from the picture, is there going to be any change in the girl's behavior? almost certainly yes there will be an immediate change now that she's not being actively abused anymore...but the system that created her abuse, the one that lets people in power hurt people weaker than them with few to no repercussions, is still going to be in place. breaking her out of the system that tells her "yes, it's good to be a person in power, it means you won't be hurt again, and what people in power do is hurt others" is significantly more difficult than just moving a single piece of the picture at large.

so, back to talking about how we should handle the girl in question. if we approach her with the unilateral stance of "you've hurt someone else, therefore you need to be punished" we're doing nothing other than participating in the system that created her abuse in the first place. but by offering her mercy and compassion based in putting in the work to understand why she's acting the way she is, we can not only deny the system that created her abuse, but tell her that there's other ways to live that don't have to involve hurting other people

this arguably isn't a "punishment" at all, though...so then, how do her victims feel about it, seeing the person who hurt them get "rewarded" for doing that? should we expect them to be compassionate and understanding to the person who hurt them and to be totally a-ok with continuing to interact with her despite that? no, obviously not, doing that would also be playing into the system of abuse that we're trying to get outside of. but you can see my point now hopefully about how abuse is created less by individual people and more by external systems creating a cycle that's very, very difficult to break out of if you don't have people actively working to help you break out of it

so, let's bring it back to what your friend's been up to now. no, i don't think what your friend is doing is good--it's just playing directly into the system of abuse that created these abusers in the first place. i feel like i should mention that i am a multi-time sexual abuse survivor so it doesn't sound like i'm talking flippantly about things i haven't personally gone through, but i still stand by my stance that these kinds of things need to be addressed by looking at a much, much bigger picture than "this person hurt another person".

in fact, not to make a massive leap here, but i think the attitude people have of unilaterally condemning abusers--yes, even sexual abusers, yes, even the people who sexually abused me--is actually part of the problem. say you've been part of a cycle of abuse and hurt people in the process, but now you've gotten the help you need to realize that there's other ways to live. should you be treated like a criminal for your entire life for that? should you be ostracized, isolated, constantly told that you should be dead for it? obviously not: that, too, is doing nothing but playing into the system of abuse.

i don't think that a person's victims need to forgive them, nor do they need to be forced to give their abuser kindness and compassion. everyone else, however? does. if there is not a space being made outside of the system of abuse, then the only thing that's going to happen is that the cycle is going to continue, and continue, and continue.

for instance, the easily documented indoctrination of teenage boys into right-wing communities. the reason why they're so easily indoctrinated isn't because of right-wing beliefs seem appealing or whatever, it's because the people doing the indoctrination tell these boys that they're right. they're doing good. this will make them stronger. it is very literally a form of grooming, and they're being taken advantage of. on the flipside, liberal and even some leftist communities will look at these indoctrinated boys and treat them like they're inherently dirty for having "let" themselves be indoctrinated; once done, never forgiven. so, what reason do these boys have to want to leave the right-wing communities that have been constantly appealing to them about how they're totally right in everything they do if the other side is never going to accept them?

no one ever loses their humanity, and very, very, very few people are cruel for the pure purpose of being cruel. most of the world is kind and wants to be kind, but the system of abuse prevents that. to believe otherwise--that abusing someone makes them permanently irredeemable--is, unfortunately, doing nothing but leaning into that cycle. by believing that you're "better" than them, that you can never be like them, you're putting yourself into the position of power and them as the person it's okay to hurt.

it also doesn't help that no one wants to hear that, but the reason no one wants to hear that is because...the system of abuse that they've been feeding into says that, now that they've become part of it, they're defiled forever. and that isn't true. even if you've hurt people, you can always change. you don't have to stay that way forever. and once you realize that about yourself, it's a lot easier to believe that other people can do the same.

it's very true that even if you make a space for someone to improve, they might not. but on the other hand, if you never make that space for them, they never will improve, and will stay the same forever. i'm much happier with a partial chance for improvement than a guarantee that they never will, because i'm not in this whole philosophizing about justice business to talk about how i'm morally correct for punishing people: i'm in it because i want the world to become a kinder, more just place, free from the systems of abuse that lead to needing justice in the first place.

i haven't answered any of your questions directly, but i hope i've fully expressed how i feel about the subject regardless! thank you for taking the time to ask me about this!

[actress4him]

June of Doom 2023

Previous | Next | Masterlist

Taglist: @painful-pooch , @robinbugbanned

Day 10 - “Can you hear me?” | Starvation | Shackle | Hiding

Also qualifies for @whumpawoman ’s Whump Girl Summer Day 6 -“I’m not going anywhere.”

Contains: lady whump, starvation, long term captivity, death mention, restraints

.

.

“How long has it been?” Lainey’s voice is tired, her words a little slurred. Isa rolls her head over to look at her, her own movements slow.

“I don’t know. You’re the one who keeps up with that.” Though come to think of it, she hasn’t heard her say anything about it in a while.

Lainey huffs. “Not anymore. I lost track a long time ago. And right now…” She swallows, the metal band around her neck bobbing. “I dunno. Seems like it’s been years since he left. I know it has to have been more than a day, because…I don’t think I’d be this hungry otherwise? But then again I’m always hungry, so it’s hard to tell.”

Isa hums in acknowledgment. She barely notices being hungry anymore, except when it’s exceptionally worse like right now. Maybe she’s just so used to being hungry that she doesn’t know the difference. Or maybe her body has somehow adjusted for the lack of food and it’s actually not as bad as it used to be. She’s heard about stomachs shrinking before. She wouldn’t be surprised if that had happened to her.

“It’s been…less time than when he went to get you. I think.” She shrugs one shoulder, making the chain behind her clink quietly. “I don’t know, I told you before that my sense of time is shot.”

“Yeah. And now I understand why.” Lainey sighs heavily, staring up at the ceiling. “I understand…a lot more things about you than I ever wanted to. No offense.”

“No, I…I know. I didn’t want you to understand, either.” The things she wants to say swirl through her mind. She’s gotten better, she thinks, at having conversations sometimes, but it still can be hard to voice her thoughts. She takes a moment to sort through them before speaking again. “I would never, never wish any of this on you. On anybody, but…but it’s also…I’m…I’m not glad you’re here, but…” Shoot, she can’t figure out how to word it without it sounding awful.

“Yeah. I get that, too.” Lainey shifts to look at her sideways, giving a weak smile. “I’m not glad you’re here, either, but I’m glad I have someone with me. Even if you do drive me crazy sometimes.”

Isa scoffs despite the relief at having been understood, raising an eyebrow. “I drive you crazy?”

“Just because I understand why you don’t want to fight back or try to escape or whatever doesn’t mean I agree with it.”

Frowning, Isa looks away. Every time Lainey brings up her cooperation and refusal to speak up or fight, she’s filled with guilt and shame. But she can’t. Her reasons never change or lessen in importance, no matter how much she hates them. And maybe it’s the hunger speaking, but right now it’s aggravating her that she just won’t stop bringing it up.

“Do you want me to get extra punishments? Do you just enjoy watching him hurt me?”

“No! No, of course not -”

“Then why do you keep trying to get me to fight? It wouldn’t do anything but make him hurt me more! I’m not strong enough, Lainey. Even if we worked together, I would be no help. And there’s no way to escape this place, I would have figured it out by now if there was and so would you. You’re just asking me to cause more trouble for myself.”

“No, I’m not, I…” Lainey sighs again, bringing a hand up to scrub at her face. “Okay. Yeah. I’m sorry, I…I know that must be what it seems like, and that’s not what I mean. I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want either of us to get hurt, which is why I want to stop him and get the heck out of here. I know you don’t see how it can happen, and I don’t know how, either, but I can’t…I can’t give up.” The ‘like you have’ hangs in the air unspoken. “I can’t stop hoping there’s an answer and looking for an opportunity and standing up for myself and for you, because then…”

“Then you’ll be like me?”

“No!” It’s a defensive reply, a ‘yeah that’s what I meant but I didn’t mean to say it’. “Then I’ll…I’ll just wither up, and…be miserable, and…I don’t even want to think about it.”

You’ll be like me. She lost hope a long time ago, and she does feel withered up. She feels like an object rather than a person, one that has been used for too many years until it’s worn out and broken and useless. Lainey’s arrival had simultaneously made her feel more and less human - more because she actually has someone to interact with and remind her that she’s real and alive, and less because Lainey is more real and alive than she thinks she’ll ever be again.

“I’ll try to stop pushing you, though. I’m sorry I have.” She can see Lainey looking at her again out of the corner of her eye, and her words are earnest. “I just want us to both get out of here.”

Isa wraps her arms around her stomach. It seems to be trying to turn itself inside out, looking for anything to devour. “I’m not going anywhere, Lainey. I really do hope you get the chance and can escape, somehow, but…you’ve seen me. I’d slow you down, end up getting you caught. If you do ever get the chance to run…you need to just go. Don’t try to bring me along.”

“Are you kidding me?” Lainey exclaims. “There’s no way I’m leaving you in this basement. I would never forgive myself!”

She turns to look her straight in the eyes. “I’m serious. If this hypothetical escape ever happens, taking me along would be the worst decision you could make.”

Lainey rolls her eyes, sliding one finger underneath the band on her throat and tugging at it. “You’re so dramatic. Look, I’m not in the best shape anymore, either. I’m not gonna be super fast. But adrenaline can work wonders. I’m sure you’ll be able to keep up.”

Sighing, Isa leans her head back and closes her eyes. “I don’t have the energy to keep arguing with you.”

“Good, because you’re wrong, anyway.” Her chain jingles as she settles back into place.

Isa is absolutely positive that she’s not wrong about this. Even if she did somehow make it out of and away from the house without getting caught, she’s fairly certain they’re out in the middle of nowhere. She wouldn’t make it long hiking to find help, she can barely even walk across the room.

“If you ever manage to escape -”

“We’re going to.”

-“you should go on your own and look for help. That’s your best option - leave me here, find help, and send someone back for me.”

“But what if I can’t remember the way back? Or what if he punishes you for me escaping? He could even kill you!”

Isa sighs again, unable to find the strength to open her eyes back up. “Even if you can’t remember or he punishes me, there would at least be some hope. Someone would be able to start looking. It would be better than us both trying to go and getting caught.”

Lainey doesn’t seem to have an argument prepared for that, which is good. Not that any of it is ever going to happen, anyway, but just in case, Isa is not going to be responsible for costing her her freedom.

They sit in silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts and misery. Eventually Lainey moans, curling into a ball. “My stomach hurts so bad! When is he coming back?”

Isa throws her a sympathetic glance. “He won’t let us starve to death.”

“That’s reassuring,” Lainey huffs. “In the meantime, we suffer. As usual. And of course that’s assuming he doesn’t abandon us or die randomly or get held up somewhere. Would it have killed him to have left us a little food?”

“At least we have an unlimited supply of water this time.”

Glancing down at the almost empty bottles, Lainey grimaces. “Yeah. Hopefully.” She’s already refilled them once, but apparently she has to focus much harder now than she ever used to. Isa can tell she’s always scared her magic is going to give out at any point. Being starved doesn’t help magic flow very well, either.

“I don’t want you to push yourself,” she quickly amends. “But I also believe in you.”

Lainey flashes her a quick smile that’s nearly a grimace. “Thanks. I’ll keep doing my best.”

They fall quiet again. Isa shuts her eyes, and is nearly asleep when Lainey exclaims, “Wait a second. Were you implying earlier that I’m the one who drives you crazy?”

#june of doom #day 10 #whumpgirlsummer #day 6 #lady whump #lady whumpee #captivity #starvation #death mention tw #restraints tw #lainey and isa #two whumpees #urban fantasy #magic whumpee #whump writing #whump series

[wellspankedwife]

Me and my husband are just starting out in a d/s relationship and we are having a hard time figuring out that first spanking. I'm trying to be real good and submissive and all that and there are things that maybe I should have been spanked for but he isn't sure exactly what he should be doing in terms of spanking me and since I'm submissivie I can't really tell him that I should be spanked. Is that how it was for you and your husband and what was that first spanking like.

So we were into rough sex and spanking during sex before we were d/s. So I guess you mean my first punishment spanking, right?

It was kind of a slow roll for us, moving from me submitting in the bedroom to me realizing I was just submissive toward him in life. We played around with submissive days and things like that, but when the pandemic hit and we were together 24/7 we decided to try 24/7 d/s for a while.

What we did, and what I would suggest you do, is write down some rules that he will hold you accountable for. Sir and I just kind of took stock of our wants and his needs and ways I wanted to improve myself and used that to make our first set of rules. Some stuck and some didn't and we revisited them a lot and rewrote some and struck some out altogether.

Housework and budgeting were the big things he wanted me to submit to doing. He's more of a clean freak than I am, so it was important for me to learn better house cleaning techniques. Budgeting has always been my downfall, because when I'm out and I see a reason to break my budget I'm always sure in that moment that Sir will understand my ironclad reasoning. That was actually my first punishment spanking ever. I don't remember the specifics of what I bought outside the budget, but I do remember being a little shocked that he was holding me accountable for it. I remember feeling a little regret over our agreement while I was turned over his knee and I remember feeling shocked that my punishment spankings were harder and longer than the sexy spankings. But when Sir put me in the corner to Think About My Actions after I was spanked, I was able to stop my tears and a real calmness came over me. Everything just felt sort of right at that moment.

It's not ALWAYS like that. Sometimes I'm more begrudging about submitting and being punished for breaking the rules. I think about four weeks maybe went by between us writing the rules and that first spanking. I recall a lot of those four weeks were full of me feeling both scared but anxious to just get that first one over with - which is I guess how you're feeling? That first one can be difficult. Maybe start with a maintenance session to ease you and your husband into it? I don't think that would be non-submissive of you to suggest it. Remember, a d/s relationship is something you're in together.

If you want it, off the top of my head here were my rules to follow when we first began.

-Always submit to Sir sexually. (This one stayed)

-Always be safe. Wear seatbelt, mask in public, don't speed, take your meds, etc. (the mask one we only do when we're feeling under the weather anymore)

-Do not go over the weekly shopping budget - determined by Sir each week depending on those week's needs. (this one stayed)

-Keep up with chores. (This one changed - we had to write more specifics for household tasks because we discovered we each had different definitions of keeping up with chores)

-No foul language. (This one was scratched quickly, but recently brought back since the baby was born and Sir wants a curse free household)

-Maintain a cheerful demeanor. (We kept this rule too, but have made it more specific. I coudln't be cheerful 24/7. I just need to be cheerful when I'm actively submitting, meaning I can't complain about submitting.)

-No leaving the house without permission. (Eh. Since Sir has gone back to work 3-4 days per week we don't really do this one anymore, so it's been scratched. I do at least inform him in the morning if I'm planning on going anywhere, knowing he has the right to say no to my plans)

-Safe words (We obviously kept this one)

-Sir is to respect my hard limits (Kept this one too, obviously. I have a real phobia of having my neck touched so any type of choking or even collaring is an absolute Hard NO for me.)

Those are all I could think of. Anyway, Good Luck and keep me posted!

#d/s lifestyle #domestic discipline #domestic submission #d/s relationship #d/s couple #personal #d/s rules #asks

[chubbyconvicts]

My new life inside, part 1

I'm writing this journal on the advice of my prison psychiatrist to help keep track of what my life has been like and maybe give myself a view in the mirror. Backdrop: The War on Crime gets totted out yet again for politicians to use as a campaign tool. Nearly every category of crime has been focused on, and not just the low hanging fruits anymore. Some people were mad when weed smokers got let out. The response was intense: Bring back the death penalty. Bring back hard labor. Bring back corporal discipline as well as punishment. I would find out just how real that could all be.

Jail sucks. This might not seem to be news, but unlike prison, where they at least want you to be a positive member of society on release one day, jail exists solely to warehouse inmates. These days with the War in full gear, there tends to be a lot of warehousing.

We slept on one another like dogs after a long hunt, the only thing close to a bed underneath being old, stinking, greasy cell bed mattresses thrown down. We wore scrubs with orange stripes on them. We used a toilet in common behind a very low wall, and I found myself often having an audience when I used it. One guy asked me not to flush. Another guy took hold of the toilet paper and refused to let me use it. "Use your hand, fat ass. If you can get in there. Fat ass motherfucker."

I knew all this was temporary. There was no doubt that I was going to be convicted. I was going to get at least a back door parole (that's life without, cute little term they call certain rides in here), but the death penalty was not out of the question. The state was smart enough to bring back multiple methods in case challenges would arise, but lately the Supreme Court has dismissed most appeals. My public defender flat out told me to expect to be gassed. Glad he cared enough to try!

Regardless of my innocence or guilt, tempers were running hot. When I was arrested, it was a miracle that I made it that far. A mob showed up at my trailer and a noose was already prepared on the oak across the lot. A neighbor managed to get a few deputies out to take care of the mob, but I was shocked that they bothered to not let them hang me. "Folks, you can let him swing and he can choke on his sins, but between us, you might get a better show from him choking in the gas chamber." The mob went from yells and screams to cheers. I found myself having a throbbing erection at the whole thing, mixed with a reasonable amount of terror. By this point the mob had stripped me and I was in the dirt naked, so that rock hard penis of mine was visible to add to my condemnation by the crowd.

I was hog tied with zip ties and thrown into the cruiser. My head met the cage between the seats and I went out cold, waking only after I was inside the intake portion of the jail and having a rather cold gloved hand forced up my asshole. "Well look at the little pervert who decided to show up for his day to find out he what be goin' in a pine box." It felt like the worst shit I ever took in my life, but reversed, and yet for all the pain, I was yet again aroused. The cold shower I was forced into put that to a stop. I grew stiff as a board again when I was let out of the shower and handed a set of scrubs in orange stripes.

I enjoyed being watched, I enjoyed being humiliated, I enjoyed being turned into inventory. I was chalking most of this up to being nervous and mentally trying to distract myself, but the fact is that I always envisioned myself as a whipping boy, a slave, a bitch. That was all running through my head as I was putting on my stripes. They were like a set of pajamas, if pajamas were meant to be heavy and made out of the same material as a janitor's uniform. I was not issued underwear or a shirt, so this would be all I would be wearing until they either let me have some of my clothes for court or shipped off somewhere and given some similar suit. I felt like I was part of the damn thing. Some photographs and fingerprinting later, I was tossed into the inmate pile and found my fellow dogs were all outfitted without a mind to be able to take off tops or bottoms either.

Being a fat ass, I expected to get some special attention, and while that did happen on the toilet and in the pile, I had little else happen other than my junk being grabbed. No one really knew or talked about what anyone else was in for, as it was a bit temporary, but I was dreading that informational session.

The next morning I was ordered out of the pile and given an onsite cavity search in front of the other cons. Sleep deprivation, fright, and uncertainty were enough of a match for my perversions, and other than when my foreskin was rolled back, I didn't get much of a hard on. I was led down the corridor right into the new remodeled onsite courtroom, where I met my public defender and was granted the chance to make a plea. I decided to go no-contest, and told the judge to give me what I had coming to me, knowing that things would likely lead to a trial. After a fun few minutes of public humiliation when my charges were read out and business was conducted, I was allowed a private session with my defender, and I told him only to just make the process smooth and get me what I have coming. He informed me things would likely go to trial and that I would be gassed, something he wasn't paid enough for to handle. I apologized to him. He laughed at me.

In the following days, I was informed that my underpaid PD decided to work out a deal to prevent a trial from happening, with good optics on the governor and department of justice in granting me mercy, for now, from an execution, but ending me up leaving prison in a body bag and never again to eat steak or relax in a hot tub. I was back in that courtroom, and back out again after the gavel sealed my fate. I was then taken to a cell with one other inmate, who was some years my senior.

He had also been given life without parole, but the threat of an execution hung over both our heads under new legislation that made a mockery of the concept of Double Jeopardy. His face seemed locked into a look of shock, and he laid facing me with his ass pretty much flush to the wall. Something tells me his time in the pile was a bit rougher than mine. In the morning we were due to be shipped out to the reception prison for the state, and while I can't say as to what was going through his head, I am sure it was wondering how big his asshole was going to get. I had the same thought, but in a resigned twist, I was more concerned about what sort of physical things I would have to endure from the side of the staff in the prison. I stuck my hand down my pants to fiddle with my penis and balls a bit, which were coated in pre-cum. He watched and I saw him lick his lips. I smiled back and he asked to see my junk. This was interrupted by a loud knock on the cell door with a yell to cut it out. His face turned red, and I just smiled and stared at the ceiling. I would clearly have to find a discreet way to masturbate.

#Prison story #striped prison uniform

[chadillacboseman]

Smutember day one request with Doc!!

Smutember Day 1 Prompt - Library

Pairing: Doc x F!Reader Warnings:

Gustave read the same paragraph for a fourth time and sighed, pinching the spot between his eyebrows in frustration. He was trying to get hours to renew his license, but the library was terribly mundane.

You had agreed to come with him to keep him company, but had abandoned him at the first sight of your favorite author's novels on a distant shelf.

The healer glanced up and scanned the room, you were nowhere to be found. He rose from his chair and padded around the shelves, searching for you like a hound on a hunt. If you had left him there, he was going to be furious.

But you hadn't left him. You were tucked away in a distant corner, away from the prying gaze of other readers, engrossed in a book as you sat on the aging carpet.

"There you are," Gustave hissed as he rounded the shelf and his eyes fell on you, "You are supposed to be keeping me company!"

You scoffed quietly and rose to your feet, quickly closing the gap between the two of you, "Your medical journals are boring. I'm trying to enjoy myself."

Gustave set his jaw in annoyance and folded his arms across his chest. You were being argumentative on purpose, taking advantage of the location to provoke him without consequence. Not that he would ever yell at you, but he would punish you in other ways.

"Did I hit a nerve?" you grinned up at him and he bit his lip, feeling a jolt in his chest at the sly look that was painted across your face.

The space was secluded, away from the rest of the library-

Gustave didn't care anymore.

He grabbed your chin roughly and pulled your mouth to his, swallowing up your protests with a kiss that was hot and full of want. You took a step back and he walked with you, pushing your back against the bookshelf as he kissed you.

"Gustave-" you broke away from his kiss and panted his name quietly, "We can not do this here."

"Why not?" he nipped at your jaw and you tried to swat him away to no avail, "No one can see us."

He was right, of course- you had found the most secluded corner of the library you could- but that didn't mean that someone wouldn't walk in on the moment.

Despite, or perhaps in spite of your protests, Gustave slipped a hand under your shirt as he drove his knee up between your legs. You whimpered at the pressure and he clapped a hand over your mouth.

"Shhh," he brought his lips to the shell of your ear as he rolled his thumb across your nipple, "You have to be quiet."

You nodded frantically against his palm, but he didn't remove it, instead using it to push your head back and expose your neck. His mouth was on it in a heartbeat, sucking little purple bruises into the skin, ignoring your muffled protests.

Gustave pulled his hand out from under your shirt and moved to the waistline of your leggings, snaking his deft fingers past the fabric and between your legs. He used his knee to push your legs apart and his fingers found your pussy.

"You're so wet," he whispered as he slipped his middle finger inside you, "Stay quiet, now."

You squeezed your eyes shut and bucked your hips against Gustave's hand as he pushed a second finger into you. You could feel him grin against your skin as his mouth went back to work on your neck, running his lips over the purple marks that had bloomed in his wake.

"Do you like this?" he crooned quietly, "Taking a risk like this? Anyone could walk in on us."

You didn't care anymore.

You rolled your hips desperately against his palm, feeling the tension build like a strung bow just below your gut.

When it snapped, it took everything in your power not to jerk your head from his grasp and scream. Your vision was white hot and filled with stars as you came around his fingers. He was so good at pulling you apart at the seams with just his fingers.

Gustave moved his hand away from your mouth slowly, pausing to kiss your lips gently as he slid his fingers out of you. For a moment, you thought you might have to collapse into him when your shaking legs felt as if they might give out.

"Do you think you can handle the boring books now?" he flashed you a cheshire grin and you nodded weakly.

"I think I can."

#doc x reader #gustave kateb x reader #ns/fw #smutember #probably ooc for doc #but i do what i want

[amphtaminedreams]

General Elections & the Race to the Bottom Ft. Zionism, Transphobia, and a Shout Out to Shithead Starmer: Thoughts No.2 (it's Always & Forever, FCK THE TORIES)

I haven’t written about politics for a couple of years now I suppose because nothing, especially when it comes to the Conservatives, shocks me anymore. Anything I read about them in the news doesn’t elicit much beyond a “just as I thought, trash” kinda response. I disengaged with current events because I’ve felt defeated and like it’s all just beyond my control, like no amount of anger we express or hurt they cause seems to change anything. Even when enough of a scandal emerges that mainstream British media is forced to report on it, it seems to blow over soon enough. Don’t know if we forgive, but it seems like we definitely always forget, regardless of how vile the ethical transgressions are. 

It speaks to my privilege that I’ve been able to tap out and passively hate the government; for a lot of vulnerable groups, the policies that I can sit here and criticise without consequence directly impacts them in ways that make day to day life unbearable. I’m not in that position. For sure, I’m struggling financially, and I have watched others (and myself in the past) be let down by NHS services repeatedly but like, these are circumstances I can endure because I’m not grasping at straws to survive as is the case for these groups. The increasing rate of climate change fills me with dread on a day to day basis but because the part of the world I live in is relatively untouched, this sense of detachedness allows me to delude myself into thinking that things can’t really be as bad as they seem and ya know, somebody might invent something in the meantime to reverse it. Up 'til now, it's the only thing that stops me from questioning what the point of anything is. This is possible only because I have the luxury of never being present to witness the place I’ve grown up in become inhabitable. I’ve never had to directly confront climate change in a way that is immediately threatening to my livelihood. So like I say, I am ridiculously privileged to be able to look at politicians like Rishi Sunak, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Priti Patel, and the rest of them, pushing us further away from commitments to slow climate change and do little beyond thinking of fucking course, what else would I expect from tight-fisted, near-sighted, arrogant and uncaring individuals as them and the rest of the upper class who all, I imagine believe that, when the time comes, they can pull a Kimberley Kardashian and hire their private firefighters, or hop on whatever new iteration there is of SpaceX a couple of decades from now, and escape from the carnage.

Anyway, going back to the point, I kinda came to the conclusion (yep, the one everyone has been screaming for years) that the entire political system in the West is kinda rigged:-)

Everything about it was making me angry. Joined the Labour Party under Corbyn, and within a few months of Starmer taking over, I left. The only sentiment I had post-Corbyn was a somewhat tepid belief that perhaps the Labour Party were the slightly lesser of 2 evils. Since then, this difference is so marginal, it is meaningless, which is no better summarised than by Keir Starmer’s refusal to condemn Israel’s actions despite their being in violation of international human rights laws against collective punishment, and moreover, DESPITE HIM BEING A FORMER HUMAN FUCKING RIGHTS LAWYER. This, along with his vocal agreement with Rishi Sunak’s public declaration of transphobia has all but confirmed his label as the “opposition” to the PM is redundant. I say this as if his contributions to both these issues are really not just the icing on the cake of his failure to hold the Conservatives responsible in any meaningful way since he was elected the Labour leader, which they 1000% are.

Where this has caused me to pretty much disengage with politics the last couple of years and instead become resigned to the declining state of the country, his outright agreement with some of the tremendously harmful stances Rishi Sunak has taken over the last month have me absolutely fucking FUMING. When the lines between the motivations of the 2 dominant political parties start to blur to this extent and the mainstream media does nothing but reinforce their ideologies, essentially nothing more than to preserve the wealth of the establishment, it starts to feel like we are heading towards what is, for all intents and purposes, a single party state. I’m sure when the next general election comes, Starmer will run a bullshit campaign on the promise of change, but so far his actions point to him being in favour of nothing of the sort. Who knows, maybe people are so sick and tired of life under the Conservatives that they will vote based on empty promises. If we can all be vocal in identifying the principles of the insidious playbook the majority of prominent politicians seem to ascribe to at present, however, and the harm and damage it does, maybe (don’t get me wrong, my hope that this will actually happen is minute) Labour MPs will realise that they need to do something fundamentally differently if they want to win an election. That means no more deflection away from the decisions politicians make to retain their status and privilege by targeting and villainising the groups that these decisions often directly threaten. IDK if it’s just that being in anorexia recovery has the cogs in my brain working efficiently enough to be able to see over the parapet of the obsessive food and body image trenches, and that this is what’s facilitating me feeling so repulsed by the stances our political leaders have taken over the last month, but regardless, something about this recent bullshit feels particularly morally reprehensible and like we all need to be talking about it. Wilful ignorance for the sake of wellbeing be damned because the normalisation of transphobia by the Prime Minister and leader of the opposition as well as their unequivocal support of the Israeli government’s ethnic cleansing in the name of “self-defence” is EVIL. Never has the complete disregard of intrinsic human rights and dignity, self-determination and quality of life for all in the name of greed, pride, and ego been so clear, and it feels wrong to be complacent. The 1% believe themselves to be the only people governing this country because their threshold for competent governance is not to create and maintain a system that preserves its citizens’ wellbeing indiscriminate of demographic, which is what a government is supposed to fucking do, but instead uphold their own privilege and frequently, unearned economic advantage of the in-group they belong to. They mistake the cycle of wealth they come from given this has been the reigning doctrine for the last 40 years (though on a smaller scale it has undoubtedly occurred since the beginning of time) as proof that they earned the responsibility of their jobs. So business as usual is the bar. The rest of us can fuck off. 

But people are angry. A lot of people don’t know why they are angry, or the mental energy to know who they are angry at, they just know their money doesn’t go as far as it used to, the towns they live in are turning into shitholes, poverty is more visible than ever, and their lives are dominated by jobs which stagnated wages make increasingly soul-crushing as more and more businesses cut hours to either increase the profits of the 1% or because, especially if they belong to government funded civil services, their employers can no longer afford them. That’s why they’re angry. And let’s simplify that, because as much as the Tories like to blame it all on past governments, DESPITE being in power for 13 years now, here is a simple bit of cause and effect:

Effect: Fear of Job Security and the Lack of Viable Government Safety Nets

I think most people can agree that unemployment shouldn’t equate to starvation or homelessness. But hey! You are Sophie and the Tories Universal Credit system is here to give you the wonderful choice between one or the other. Aren’t they gracious?

Cause:

The rising cost of living in tandem with an increase in benefit sanctions, the 42 day delay in UC payment, and the decision to decrease benefits across the board means that more people than ever are finding themselves in rent arrears and using foodbanks to eat enough to survive. In recent days, the government have even planned on reforming the way that disability payments are made; the proposed new system would do away with requiring applicants to undergo an interview process (which many already report to be a distressing process where they are made to feel, despite already having provided legitimate evidence to support their claims, they must “prove” they are unwell enough to face obstacles in holding down a typical job) and instead oblige them to meet with a work coach who determines if they are “making enough effort” to find a job or else face sanctions. 

To get down to the numbers:

As of November 2023, a single person receives just £83 per week in Universal Credit. This is intended to cover everything from food and transport to bills and basic household needs. This falls short of the £120 P/W the Trussell Trust calculated as the minimum amount required to cover these things.

85.5% of foodbank users reported they rely on Universal Credit for their income; the clear implication here is that as predicted, UC payments are not enough to cover even the most basic necessities (Trussell Trust, State of Hunger survey, 2019).

The number of people who do depend on food banks has reached unparalleled numbers in recent years, steadily increasing since 2010. To put this into perspective, the number of food packages handed out per year has increased from 60,000 in 2010 to 2.5 million in 2022 (Alex Collinson, the Tribune, 2022).

Between 2022 and 2023, the number of children in food poverty doubled, with an additional 4,000,000 children now falling beneath this line. This is unsurprising, given the rate of inflation on groceries has risen to a record high of 17.1% between 2022 and 2023. UC has not been increased to reflect this (Patrick Butler, the Guardian). 

This is perhaps reflective of the fact that where only parents were using food banks before, with UC being enough to cover meals for the children if the parents sacrificed their own meals, this amount no longer even covers the nutritional requirements of a child.

So! What has changed so drastically since 2010? Crazy coincidence but that’s ALSO the year One Direction bestie David Cameron introduced the UC system as a replacement for the existing benefits system. All this to say that the government safety net, which one would think should provide the means for people to literally survive, doesn’t actually do that. Starvation tends to be a bit of a health and safety risk, babes, I would know xo

Bottom line, UC denies people access to things that should be basic human rights on the basis of what? That they don’t have a job? To quote Charlie Kelly:

Okay, assume an individual truly just can’t be fucked to get a job. Assume all jobs are fulfilling and meaningful and that the same can be said of the application process, that every job industry is a meritocracy where nepotism ceases to exist. Assume alll jobs, regardless of sklls required, pay enough on full time hours to have at least a little bit left to do a couple of nice things and treat yourself at the end of the month. Assume that we aren’t experiencing another of what we were told after 2008 would be a once in a lifetime economic recession. Assume that the majority of people who are on Jobseeker’s Allowance are not disabled and physically incapable of working (go out and get better! Lazy fucks! They say. Oh yes, hang on a minute whilst I go and put myself on the 2000 year long NHS waiting list to get the bare minimum course of treatment so I’m well enough to get a shit job which makes me too depressed to leave the house alllll over again). Does that mean they deserve to starve? Sleep in shop doorways when it's -2 degrees? And what about children of parents on UC? Do they deserve it to for the crime of being born to those “lazy fucks”? Because there are more children living in poverty in the UK than ever.

Lovely stuff:-)

Speaking of those beautiful waiting lists…

Effect: Collapse of the NHS:

-The number of people on waiting lists for non-urgent care has now bypassed 7,200,000. This refers to procedures like hip replacements, hernia repairs and cataract removal. Where the targeted referral period should be no longer than 18 weeks (a regulation that was introduced in 2004), as of 2023, 410,983 of this 720 million have been waiting over a year (Denis Campbell, the Guardian).

-The total number of excess deaths in 2022 was among the highest recorded since the aftermath of the Second World War, according to figures from the Continuous Mortality Investigation (CMI). In December 2022, the number of people who passed away in their homes rather than in hospital care was 40% higher than the 5 year average (bearing in mind this 5 year period includes the pandemic). Though this is argued to be “speculation” as we “don’t know how many people chose to die at home rather than in hospital and left it late to seek medical help for this reason” (lmao) this figure should be considered in the context of an increase in average wait times for category 2 ambulances from 18 minutes to over an hour. Category 2 ambulances refer to those dispatched to attend to patients in need of urgent care, suffering life threatening medical crises which include  heart attack and stroke. So really. If we are honest about why more people than ever are dying at home, the answer is right there. The difference between waiting 18 minutes for an ambulance during a heart attack and over an hour is life or death. And in its current state, the outcome under NHS care is death.

-Even if you get to hospital, the roulette wheel of life or death don’t stop spinning under the Conservatives. Analysis by LCP Actuaries suggested that as many as 500 deaths a week could be caused by delays in A&E; in November 2022, the number of people who waited over 12 hours to be admitted to hospital after being seen in A&E was greater than the total number of people who waited over 12 hours to be admitted to hospital after being seen in A&E throughout the entire 9 year period between 2011 and 2020. This 500 per week figure is based on the LCP’s estimation from the data that for every 72 people waiting more than 12 hours to be admitted to hospital, one of those 72 will die in that waiting period compared to the 2010 average (Daniel Dunford for Sky News, January 2023). We can also assume that many who present at urgent care are there because non-urgent conditions have become urgent during the waiting period. 

-Is it so fucking wild that being this overstretched, seeing more suffering and having even fewer recourses to cope with it than ever, NHS workers would want a pay rise? I mean, it’s pretty fucking fair to me. At the very least, I would like to think they deserve a pay rise that even if not accounting for the added burden they’re taking on at work, does account for rising cost of living to avoid a situation where, in real terms, they’re actually making less money than they were when the job was more manageable. But no! Below inflation pay increases mean that in real terms, NHS staff have been facing consistent cuts to their wages. To produce a few specific examples, paramedics’ real pay is down by £6,700 compared to 2010, nurses’ are down by £5,200 and maternity care assistants’ are down by £4,300 (TUC report, June 2022). So yeah! Clap for the NHS guys, says the government! Just don't fucking treat them with empathy and respect for doing one of the hardest jobs a person can possibly do by rewarding them in the material terms we quite clearly know from our own pay rises (which there is conveniently always enough money for) are what make an actual difference.

-All this has resulted in a record number of healthcare professionals leaving the profession as of October 2022 according to the Health Service Journal’s report. For anyone who doubts that, I hope this quote summarising the overwhelming responses of NHS staff when an internal survey was conducted puts your mind to rest: results show "40% of staff had felt unwell because of work-related stress, 21% wanted to quit the NHS, 78% experienced unrealistic time pressures and fewer than a third felt their organisation took firm action to improve staff wellbeing.” (Mark Britnell, the Guardian)

-Of course, the party play ignorant as to why on earth this might be (those selfish doctors and nurses, am I right?) in spite of workers making the answers to this question ridiculously clear, time and time again. When Jeremy Hunt attempted to pass a bill which may somewhat remedy the issue, and called for an independent commission of ministers to estimate the number of nurses and doctors that will be needed over the next 5-20 years and how this can be done, it was blocked by the majority of MPs (Polly Toynbee, the Guardian). Yeah, the opportunity for the government to fix this staff shortage they blame the entirety of the NHS’ problems on is apparently not enough of a problem for them to actually do something about it. Shocker! It suits them perfectly well to have a ready conveyer belt of scapegoats as I will go onto in a bit and when it comes to the NHS, which the average member of the British public will agree is falling apart regardless of political leaning, NHS employees are the ones to blame. BTW, do not take the Jeremy Hunt mention as a defence of him, lmao. He has very much earned the title his critics give him.

-This staff shortage is further contributed to by the large portion of the NHS workforce held up by immigrants to the UK (with frontline staff from 212 nationalities consistently working harder and longer considering the salaries they are paid, Dolin Bhagawati, the Independent) who have since left the country courtesy of the hostile environment created by the government. Honestly, who can fucking blame them when Conservatives have spent the last 10 years in the blaming them for, like, every problem ever? Be it the need for excessive benefits actions, council housing waiting lists, and job shortages over the past decade-nothing to see here, it's just those pesky immigrants! It is no surprise that when Brexit came around, and this carefully cultivated culture of xenophobia mixed with outright lies about just how much our membership of the EU was “bringing us down”, that the majority vote was to leave. The result of this was a slew of deportations, refusals of settled status and a voluntary exodus in the aftermath, with the NHS being badly hit. The most fucking audacious thing about all this is whilst continuing to oust them, whilst continuing to pretend immigrants drain the recourses of this country, the truth is the polar opposite: a study conducted by Oxford University in 2015, (a University which may I remind you all was attended by several top tory ministers themselves, from which one would reasonably assume they view as a reliable source of information unless they wish for us to question their own credentials:-) ) surveying 125 million patient records found that a 10 percentage-point increase in migrants leads to reduced waiting times of nine days for outpatient referrals, with no effect on waits for A&E or elective care.

-And in spite of all of this, the pleas from both employees and the public for the government to act, in real terms, are looking at yet more NHS funding cuts of £20 billion by 2024. If that isn’t enough of a reason to demand better, and understand that these people do not give a fuck about the lives of the average human being then I do not. Know. What. Is. This is the truth of the matter. They will claim otherwise with bold face lies. Remember how “40” new hospitals turned into 6? The maths ain’t maths-ing, and all that.

Cause:

Again, I ask, what has changed in the last 10 years to see this drastic reduction in the capabilities of the NHS? Why the refusal to do anything meaningful to solve the crisis? Drum roll, please! That’s it, it’s government policy! We’re talking annual NHS budget increases being slashed by over HALF the rate they were annually increased under Tony Blair, 3.6% a year under his administration to 1.5% under David Cameron. And why? If the response of the COVID crisis is anything to go by, the dismantling of the NHS to be sold off to the highest bidders and party donors, just as Jeremy Corbyn predicted a few years ago, is not a last resort but actually, the preferable outcome. Don’t even get me started about the mental health treatment crisis in the NHS. For real. That’s a whole new post in and of itself, from waiting lists that stretch to upwards of 6 months even for those experiencing a mental health crisis, less inpatient beds than ever, and the increasing number of professionals leaving the job. 

Effect: Your hometown’s gotten GRIM

Funding for publicly accessible infrastructure is lower than ever. It’s not limited to the NHS either. This is despite a growing population. You could take my anecdotal evidence of how the police put me on hold like I’m on the phone to the fucking Ryanair refund devision when I called 999 from work the other day to attempt to get them to come to intervene in a quickly escalating altercation between one of the many crack addicts who steal from the store and the security guard, or how they’ve taken about 2-3 hours to arrive when I’ve had to call them to help with situations there before BUT as a fan of numbers myself, here are some to paint a clear picture of how and why all public sector services from the police force and the legal system, to local libraries, parks, state schools (guess where the money they so desperately need are being diverted to tehe) are all being similarly drained, i.e why everywhere outside central London is turning into a shithole.

Cause:

-Between 2010 and 2020, funding for public libraries reduced from £1 billion to £750,000,000. Unsurprisingly, this resulted in upwards of 700 libraries being forced to shut during this period. Some people may not see the significance of this but it can’t be understated how many depend on libraries to access services they can’t otherwise afford, whether it’s to support their education and level a playing field which increasingly demands students self-fund various elements of their curriculum or degree/qualification, use IT facilities to apply for jobs, pay bills etc. or even just to read to give themselves a bit of joy in life! Any one of these things could be vital to someone trying to grow and develop. How can we expect someone who’s recovering from addiction, and experiencing homelessness, or who is trying to rehabilitate themselves after a stint in prison, for example, to build themselves a fulfilling life if everything that gives the average person joy, and provides healthy and enriching social support, is kept behind a paywall?

-City councils, responsible for the management and maintenance of a multitude of areas and services (e.g. open green spaces, rubbish collection and recycling, parks, and leisure centres to name a few) throughout the region they cover, have faced real term reductions in government funding of £15 billion between 2010 and 2020. This has led to increases in council tax to plug this gap. Youth services, which are absolutely vital to ensure equal opportunities for young people going through arguably the most influential stage of their life, in terms for how they’re set up for the future, have been particularly badly hit. To illustrate the point, the YMCA reported in November  2022 that the government expenditure diverted to local authorities specifically for Youth Services has decreased in real terms from £1.48 billion in 2010 to £379m in 2020, which represents a decrease in funding of 74%.

-Education has faced huge cuts, £10 billion in real terms between 2010 and 2020, and it’s absolutely no fucking surprise whatsoever that schools in the most disadvantaged areas have been hit hardest; the Institute of Fiscal Studies reported a 14 per cent real-terms fall in spending per pupil between 2009/10 and 2019/20 for those studying at schools with the highest levels of deprivation compared with a 9 per cent drop for the least deprived schools (all figures from Sam Gelder for the Big issue). This translates to higher numbers of pupils per teacher, fewer teaching assistants, fewer recourses to support special educational needs, and outdated curriculums and technology, which has a knock on effect on pupils’ ability to deal with the demands of higher education and the workplace. The decreased quality of learning those already experiencing the effects of food poverty or falling through the social services nets which are intended to protect children from harm and uphold safe home environments fails young people in setting them up for the their future. I could go all psychology undergrad here and waffle on about the effects of growing up around parental stress as a result of financial strain, illness, absenteeism due to long work hours and necessary overtime just to provide for the family, and harmful gene-environment interactions, and how this has consistently shown to have statistically significant negative effects on long term outcomes but I think we all have enough anecdotal evidence to know that our relationships with our parents, the safety of our home environment, our leisure opportunities and all that jazz are massively influential in our life paths. Bearing in mind I went to a good state school and am generalising to those in a similar average, middle class neighbourhood, I think most of us knew people in school who weren’t necessarily suited to traditional ways of learning and assessment but worked their fucking arse off and wanted to learn, and have done well for themselves because of that. But imagine if you’re in a class where teachers are too overstretched to do anything other than recycle the same PowerPoints they’ve used for 10 years, have too many students to provide one to one support, and are practically inaudible amongst a bunch of noisy other kids who may see the opportunity to socialise as the highlight of their day if they have a crap home life. I have been in the situation where the teacher is genuinely giving a good lesson but cannot hold the room because there’s so much disruption on account of numbers and reciprocal distraction going on amongst classmates-that may be the nerdiest statement I’ve ever come out with but it genuinely used to make me sad seeing them properly try only for it to fall on deaf ears. When learning is taught in a way presuming one size fits all due to teachers deprived of the time or energy to be flexible and attentive, those who don’t learn in that very rigid way are bound to struggle. When we look at how all these factors borne of reduced government funding can accumulate to limit the ability of young people to succeed and get where they want to be in life, to be inspired and encouraged to learn regardless of external influences, falling GCSE and A-level results running parallel to funding cuts paint a clear picture of the claims of economic mobility for the "hard working" and this country being a "true meritocracy" by the Tories is a load of shite. Though it appears the attainment gap between private and public schools may actually be narrowing in recent years, the attainment gap over the last 20 years pertaining to the students from high-income households vs. low-income remains unchanged. This is best summarised by the following quote from the Institute for Fiscal Studies: “While GCSE attainment has been increasing over time, 16-year-olds who are eligible for free school meals are still around 27 percentage points less likely to earn good GCSEs than less disadvantaged peers.” (Sally Weale, the Guardian).

Effect: We’re all broke asf and it feels like we always will be

Rent, bills, fuel, groceries, pretty much everything is more expensive than ever, and for young people especially, it feels as though even the guarantee of a roof over our heads let alone owning property is tenuous. A recent survey Together Through This Crisis initiative revealed that nearly 40% of people end the month with no money left, while 24% run out of money for essentials either most months or most days. And yep, can confirm, at least on my end anyway. The Gym Group just slid into my text messages for the second month in a row to let me know my direct debit payment bounced and that I will consequently be charged an extra £15 admin fee when they attempt to charge me again in 10 days. Thankfully, payday will have come by then but given I haven’t been able to afford Christmas presents yet, I imagine it’ll be a similar situation next month. It probably doesn’t count as the kind of essential these kinds of surveys are talking about but anorexia recovery weight restoration (and then some) has me truly on the struggle bus and the gym is absolutely critical in getting me through that. Sure, I probably spend way too much on vaping too. All that being said, I have had to borrow money until payday to do my weekly food shop far more times than I'd like to this year. Fuck getting my eyelashes done or fixing my godawful roots or any vanity costs or anything like that being within budget rn. I’m trying to lean into being in my ugly era but honestly, it fucking sucks stressing about being able to afford day to day life, let alone thinking about spending money on stuff just for my own leisure or happiness. I work 30+ hours most weeks, which I don’t expect to let me live a life of luxury when it’s a retail line management job, but we’re understaffed AF, you rarely have time for a proper break in a 9 hour shift, and you’re running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything done the whole time. You’d think for the amount of stress the salary would at least cover the cheapest gym membership on offer but not in this economy fellas:-)

With that little self-indulgent ramble off my chest, let’s get back to the facts.

Cause:

Though the sharp increase in cost of living was arguably not necessarily intended, because ya know, like everyone is pissed about this, including the people who would overlook the other things to vote conservative, and they need the votes, it has been a long time coming given the way the Conservatives have 1). failed to plan for anything beyond coming out on top in their ongoing power struggles and 2). promoted corporate greed, for the last 10 years. The tories would like people to believe that they are prioritising the housing crisis, rising rent, inflation etc. because they want to honour the average person’s grievances but let’s be clear, their priority is and always has been the preservation of wealth within a certain subsection of society, and anything they do outside of that to address the issues this has created is damage control. Empty promises and inaction, essentially. This includes: 

Failure to act on Legislation to Restore the Balance Between Tenants and Landlords: Whilst the waters are slightly murkier when it comes to capping rent increases by social housing landlords (caps on rent increases have been proposed but in real terms, this is going to make little difference given years of neglecting the issue of affordable housing by the Conservatives), private landlords continue to get away with whatever the hell they want, and yep, can personally vouch for that one too. The desperate attempt to paint over black mould that our landlord claimed had 0 to do with structural issues and allll to do with our “not heating the flat properly” (the multiple plumbing problems over the past 2 years, the numerous tins of identical solidified white paint previous tenants had brought stored in the outside cupboard, and evidence of previous coats of paint over the same area suggest otherwise but hey ho, don't you just love the burden of proof being on the tenant!) in our last few hours left in the place after the new proposed rental contract increased the monthly cost for my 2 flatmates and I by £150 each due to the “cost of living” and we had to move out, because he wouldn’t tell me how much he’d deduct from the deposit because of the problem…that was fun! I hope he really enjoys all the money he got from selling the property once we were gone. Hope that covers your cost of living, buddy:-) But anyway, it’s illustrative of a larger issue, where most of us are out of options, and have to just put up with this kind of thing, because the situation isn’t any better elsewhere. An early 2023 poll by YouGov indicated millions of private tenants in England were “stretched to breaking point”, with almost 2.5 million renters either behind or constantly struggling to pay rent, a number which had increased by 45% since April 2022.

Despite repeatedly claiming that restoring tenant rights was a key party objective, even including an end to Section 21 in their 2019 Manifesto and sparking a degree of backlash from Landlords in return, as of October 2023 the Conservative Government have further delayed legislation banning no-fault evictions. Coincidentally (so by absolutely no coincidences whatsoever), 68 sitting conservative MPs act as landlords for multiple properties, constituting 1/5 of their majority (John Stevens, the Mirror). This has been blamed on the need to clear court backlogs which have increasingly become an issue in the context of yet more funding cuts being faced throughout the criminal justice system. 

On this note, it’s worth taking you on a little side quest here to give you this fun fact:

There is a backlog of 60,000 criminal court cases, with 75% of individuals under the care of the criminal justice system still awaiting sentencing (Catherine West for HamHigh, October 2023). I don’t state this for the sake of scaremongering and spreading a “more criminals than ever are running loose on your streets! Beware, feeble citizen!” Rhetoric because yes, whilst it is true there are a number of dangerous individuals who have not yet been prosecuted due to the collapsing criminal justice system (I’m not going to list all the reported cases of sexual predators who have fallen through the net of just sentencing due to this chaos and gone onto reoffend but they’re out there if you wish to read up on it for yourself), we have plenty of dangerous individuals also presiding over our country who will never see any kind of sentence not because of the justice system their complacency and greed has helped destroy but because they got cash moneys! The point in this is that prisons are intended to rehabilitate. There is a good chance that many repeat offenders would never have reoffended if prisons were fit for their intended purpose. Instead, given a lack of substantial wider investment, reform, and strain on court and community services to support rehabilitation post-imprisonment, the issue of severe overcrowding (which was reportedly the case in over 60% of UK prisons in 2015 according to a report published as part of a parliamentary inquiry) and staff resignations create an environment which is at best chaotic, and at worst, traumatising for all those incarcerated, reflected by incidences of self-harm and violence being higher than ever. This points to a system which operated in a way completely antithetical to the aim of aiding reintegration of offenders to their communities. Despite a pledge of £1.3 billion to create 10,000 new prison places by 2020, the Public Accounts Committee reported in September of that year that just 206 of these have been fulfilled. In fact, a £900 million maintenance backlog to Victorian era prisons results in a loss of 500 prison placements each year. 

If the knock on the effect of the £18 billion cost by reoffending doesn’t summarise the complete lack of foresight on the part of Conservative ministers, I don’t know what does. You would think anyone with a single oxygenated brain cell would predict this being an outcome of court closures, reduced numbers of judges, police and local authority cut backs etc. etc. but nope! The solution is outsourcing incarceration overseas? Yep. Don’t let immigrants into the country but demand that the simultaneously most vulnerable and dangerous individuals, not uncommonly in that predicament because of a Conservative Party engineered absence of opportunities, guidance, and safety within their communities, become their problem. Sounds fair. 

Anyway! To get back to the cost-of-living crisis, starting with: 

-Housing: Despite demand for social housing increasing drastically over the last 10 years (homelessness reportedly doubled between 2010 and 2018, with a February 2023 report by the Metro revealing a 74% increase in rough sleeping since the Conservative Government took power), there are now 200,000 fewer council homes available than there were in 2010, and the building of new houses has fallen by 80% (John Healy, Labour Shadow Secretary of State for Housing). In efforts to meet targets set for the development of what constitutes “affordable housing”, this threshold was increased to include houses up to £450,000, at which price the corresponding deposits and mortgage payments are realistically within the budget of a fractional portion of first time buyers; consequently, 800,000 fewer households under 45 own their home than was reported in 2010.

-According to a report by the National Audit Office in 2019, not one of the 200,000 “starter homes” promised in 2015 by Conservative Ministers have been built. Instead, the £151 million set aside for this project has been used to buy and remediate land which has been sold to developers. In this context, it is no surprise that the number of households which fall under the privately rented sector have increased by over one million since 2010. 

-Let’s talk about the BILLS too: Britiain has always been in a vulnerable spot when it comes to energy, with our domestic gas storage levels significantly lower than many other countries at comparative levels of economic development. Successive Conservative government ministers’ lack of impetus to invest in this, including their complete refusal to listen when existing structures began to fail and warn of further significant depletion to our energy supply, as well as their lackadaisical approach to developing a way of utilising efficient forms of renewable energy has left the country dependent on external global forces, without any back-up plan (where other European countries have internal energy stores to supply consumers for weeks if shipments were to be ceased, Britain has only 4 days worth; The Spectator, September 2021), whilst simultaneously allowing those who make their money through the exploitation of natural recourses to sit on ever-increasing mounds of wealth; the consumer, not those who have failed to focus on the shift away from processes which serve only to pollute or planet and adapt, is forced to take on the burden of maintaining the level of profit those with stakes in such companies have become accustomed to by subsidising the overheads with our money (Ed Miliband, the Independent). Of course the pandemic meant that energy was in short supply on a global level-the reason that average energy prices for US consumers has only doubled whilst it has increased almost fivefold here is because the government do not value any system in which they do not themselves stand to benefit, even if that is the source of immense hardship for the average British person. 

-So what the hell are all our taxes going towards I hear you asking. Well, they’re footing the bill of the people who need financial relief least of all who themselves are making bigger profits than ever on the backs of the increasing number of British people whose quality of life has sharply declined, even to the extent that civil servants in full time employment, NHS employees ffs (again, who wouldn’t want to work there!!! What are those nurses THINKING), are accessing services established for those falling beneath the poverty line. They’re the fucking catalyst for this cost of living that is making people more dependent on increasingly non-existent public services than ever.

When I say this, I mean corporate profits are higher than ever, even after last few years of global events which have impacted on the prices of imports, exports, and consumer habits, all of which should suggest higher expenses and lower sales. Rather than take a small hit to corporate profits in order to absorb the additional expenses on trade with foreign entities, or raise the wages of workers to encourage household spending across the economic landscape, shareholders with management roles in their respective mega corporations have decided to raise prices of their goods. This is not just rhetoric; profit margins for the biggest British companies were 73% higher in 2021 on 2019, pre-Covid, even though sales had fallen (Owen Jones, the Guardian).

Consider Shell, a company directly responsible for the continued destruction of our eco-system, and their reported adjusted profits of $11.5bn during the second quarter of 2022, even as Russia’s invasion of Ukraine caused global energy markets to soar, and gas and electric prices for consumers in the UK increased by astronomical amounts (Jillian Ambrose, the Guardian).

Shell are a clear cut example of how big business owners, as well as the managers and directors who more often than not represent major shareholders, would rather consumers foot the bill of their own expenses and spread their household income even thinner, to fund the lifestyles they’ve become accustomed to as well as their reinvestments to facilitate the growth of even more wealth, rather than themselves take a minimally smaller chunk of the pie. This same approach is not taken when it comes to preserving the lifestyles of actual employees mind you, whose wages remain stagnated, declining in terms of the actual purchasing power afforded to these employees by their salary. This decision to preserve shareholder returns at any cost to the consumer is particularly insidious when we think about the businesses that monopolise industries specialising in goods completely necessary to decent quality of life and basic human necessities like Shell.

And where do the Conservatives come into this? Well, because where they shove austerity down the throat of the ordinary British person, tell us to reduce our spending, the same cannot be said for their instructions to corporate shareholders. Where our taxes have risen, the declaration that the surcharge on bank profits (i.e. the extra they pay in corporation tax) would be raised by 6% is no longer going ahead. The amount above which these banks must pay the surcharge has similarly been raised from £75,000,000 to £100,000,000. That’s an extra £25,000,000 they will no longer be taxed on (Taxscape, Deloitte, November 2023).

We are told that if we want to live in this country, we must pay our taxes to contribute to its smooth governance, even as these increase. They are told the exact opposite, despite their businesses not only residing here, but actually making coin off the country’s inhabitants. Individuals pay to be in this country, and when you look at the average person, the more we make, the more we have to pay. If you dare not to pay your taxes, or if you’re self-employed and misreport them in any way, you are a criminal. It seems the rule of make more, pay more, or be prosecuted for it, only applies up to a certain threshold.

If you are a mega-corporation, you are perfectly welcome to evade paying taxes. Whoops, did I say evade? I meant avoid, soz. Only I still don’t know exactly what the difference is apart from the latter being the label given to the activities of big business, legal on the basis they spend extortionate amounts of money for legal representation to poke holes in the famously holey regulations about these kinds of things.

The Conservatives have presided over a legal system filled with loopholes that practically encourage it, and have made the Britain a haven for tax avoidance. Deregulation of the financial market in the  City of London means that what counts as tax avoidance vs. Evasion, illegally vs. simply immoral, is decided on a case-by-case basis (John Warren, Bella Caledonia), and as is previously established, what kind of a public court system do we even have right now anyway? Under a fair system where big business, and those who profit from it, are held to the same standard as the actual people living in this country, we could develop and implement solutions to an astonishing number of social ills. Instead, wealth is saturated further still at the top, and the financial burdens continue to pile on and are exacerbated for those at the bottom. UK Uncut’s estimates of lost tax revenue come to some £100 billion over four years-and the National Audit Office finding in 2007 was that a third of the UK’s biggest companies paid no tax at all in this country in the previous boom year. 

I’m not arguing the City being used as a way to conduct business in overseas territories to avoid tax is a phenomena borne of the current government. What I’m saying is that where that might have flown without causing much damage to the British people prior to the 2008 financial crash, the subsequent increase in the national deficit to bail out the same companies which participate in this tax avoidance and whose activities were behind the global economic crisis has been framed as a burden the average individual has to now shoulder through the Conservative’s policy of “austerity” and the increased taxes and cost of living that come as a part of this. Meanwhile, the big businesses responsible for this financial crisis are allowed to continue as they always have despite their refusal to take responsibility for the crisis, and avoid being subject to the same austerity, due to the desire of many Conservative MPs to continue to benefit from these activities and retain the power afforded to them by donations from these companies. Take Lycamobile, the UK-headquartered international mobile virtual network operator, who have been in the news this week. We’re talking a company who gifted £2.15mn to the Tories between 2011 and 2016, according to the Electoral Commission database, without paying a penny of tax in this country since 2007. Unethical but based on technicalities, not illegal. The Paris criminal court, however, have just this past October convicted Lycamobile’s French corporate entities of committing fraud with respect to value added tax and money laundering (Lucy Fisher, Jim Pickard and Yasemin Craggs Mersinoglu in London and Leila Abboud and Sarah White in Paris, Financial Times, October 2023). Turns out in countries where firms like Lycamobile can be held accountable, they are. Sunak is being pressured to return donations, which I’m sure he would do if he stood for anything, and thus was suitably horrified by this revelation. Unsurprisingly, he hasn’t yet returned anything. Maybe he will to save face, who knows. What is for certain is that it was public knowledge that Lycamobile were doing what they could to avoid tax here for over a decade and concerns about financial fraud had already been raised in October 2015, and given the Conservative government had no problem with that if their acceptance of a £600,000 donation following this revelation is anything to go by, they likely would have had no problem with this if it hadn’t be called to international attention. In fact, reports that in 2017 HMRC rejected a request from French officials to raid Lycamobile’s London offices suggests that tax cheats are actively encouraged in their activities under the current government, which, well, we been knew. Conservative ministers like to talk a big game about challenging tax evasion, but the evidence, the leak of the Pandora Papers just to give one example (the largest ever such leak exposed the secret offshore holdings and finances of several wealthy donors to the Tory party), suggests otherwise. Whilst David Cameron promised the development of a register identifying people who own UK property through offshore companies, allll the way back in 2015 (David Conn, the Guardian), we’ve seen crickets on this front.

So yah. It’s the hypocrisy for me, the throwing of the people for whom the concept of government was formed under the proverbial bus, all whilst lying to our faces. This doesn’t stop at accepting donations from shadowy companies. Remember the reports about the land purchased under the guise of being designated for starter homes? Makes a lot more sense that it was sold off to developers when you consider that Anthony Bamford, who runs JC Bamford Excavators, the yellow digger company founded by his father, Joseph Cyril Bamford, was the fourth most important source of political party donations for any party in the 2019 election and the Tories’ top donor that year, according to a 2022 study by the University of Warwick. 

They say that wealth is self-creating but the same is infinitely true of poverty. The inability to plan ahead, the short-term need to borrow money, the volatile environment financial stress creates for a household, it all contributes to long-term negative financial outlooks that outlast temporary financial difficulties on a national, global scale, without genuine, sincere efforts by the government to level the playing field. Whatever the Conservatives say about doing this to win votes, they rarely follow through-that they remain themselves part of the 1%, the elite, privileged circle they have gotten used to, requires they do not bite the hand that feeds them, instead that they lap it up eagerly, and ethics can get fucked. It has been established time and time again that a number of Conservative MPs themselves have stakes in businesses using offshore tax havens (Geoffrey Cox, the Independent). This points to the fact that they see their roles as nothing more than a means of preserving their own status, and that is the only thing of value to them when they are conducting themselves within the political sphere, rather than the pursuit of the intended goal of a representative system which is to serve the best interests of the people.

Human life does not factor into the equation, and consequently, neither do our interests if they do not serve the elite in some way. This is never clearer than in times of crisis: see the way contracts for emergency medical supplies were handed to tory donors left right and centre rather who wasted time analysing how to make a profit rather than actually respond to said emergency, and how lower-level employees at big businesses were forced to reopen doors far earlier than was safe to do so given the fears of redundancy, which reached an all time high during COVID. Had the government response (let us all remember Boris Johnson failed to attend several meetings designated to address the pandemic and simply advised us all to “wash our hands” prior to the rapid increase in case numbers but yeah, the shite response of the UK government to COVID really isn’t one I need to go over again) not been one of such incompetency, businesses may not have been forced to keep their doors closed as long as they did. The threat of losing their jobs during the pandemic lead to many British workers feeling overstretched and overworked: almost half (46 per cent) of those who began working remotely during lockdown reported feeling more pressure to be ‘present’ for their employer and colleagues, with more than a third (35 per cent) saying they had continued to work despite feeling unwell (Siobhan Palmer, People Management). The impact of this is still felt even as redundancy figures begin to drop off from their all-time high in 2020. According to data from employee review site Glassdoor, talk of layoffs and redundancies has increased by 185 per cent from March to June 2022 in employee reviews, indicating that it is top of mind for many individuals (Dan Cave, People Management). The cost of living crisis continues to see the threat of redundancy held over the heads of British workers. Increases in interest rates, energy prices, and National Insurance are reported to be behind the sentiment of upper-level management that redundancies may be necessary to combat profit losses: data from the Office for National Statistics shows the number of redundancies planned by businesses increased by 103 per cent between January and February of 2022. Unsurprisingly, 18% of employers, particularly those heading up big businesses (shocker) reported they were considering even more planned redundancies before March 2023 in June of the previous year (Damian Kelly, People Management). Given that the first quarter of 2023 saw the number of business closures top the number of businesses created by record amounts (Katharine Swindells, City Monitor), that unemployment overall increased by 274,000 between April and May this year isn’t wild but rather, a reasonable deduction. What is shocking is that this period saw the steepest rise in unemployment month on month since modern records began, according to separate figures from the Office for National Statistics (HR Magazine, Millicent Machell). Redundancy is a significant and pressing fear, and a lack of job security leaves more and more people feeling obligated to overextend themselves for employers to avoid such financial situations; a report from HR software Employment Hero, found 42% of those who want to quit cited redundancy rounds or headcount changes as their top reason. All the while, mega-corporations like Amazon, Microsoft and Meta (I.e Facebook) actually make profit for layoffs (Chad Brooks, business.com).

The precedent, that business executives will largely layoff low level employees before they lose profit, is firmly established. During COVID, however, the UK government agreed to relax rules against all expert advice rather than providing sufficient aid themselves. They hate listening to people who know better. We see that time and time again.

Now, despite factual accounts of innocent people being killed in their thousands in Gaza, Rishi Sunak continues to support Israel. It is a blatant violation of international law and flagrantly immoral. A majority of Israel’s supposed justifications to do with the Hamas attack have been debunked, not that the terrorist attack of a radical group, even if the situation were that simple (I ask exactly what gives the IDF and the armed settlers who have treated Palestinians with such cruelty in their own homelands for several decades now immunity from the terrorist label anyway) should automatically justify the genocide of the group they emerged from anyway. So why is Sunak in support of it, in spite of all logic? I imagine his wife's family owning a company partenered with BP, major dependents on Israel's go-ahead to drill for oil on Palestinian land has something to do with it. 

I implied earlier that the Conservatives lack brain cells and that this is what drives their apparent lack of foresight, but their educations and credentials would argue against this, no matter the degree of privilege which helped them get there. What I suspect is actually the case, based on the evidence, is that their empathy for anyone not like them is so low, anything that appears to serve us is nothing more than political strategy, rather than an actual goal they are willing to exert themselves towards the fulfilment of. If anything else which appeals more to their self-interest intervenes in the half-arsed fulfilment of these speculative plans? Well, cya later public good. We’ll deal with the fallout later.

Now, herein lies the central issue, the repugnant display of their favoured tactics despite the consequences over the last month. The Conservatives, and the leader of the Labour Party, Keir Starmer, who has been willingly complicit throughout his entire tenure so as to appear not “too radical”, have pulled out that treasured old chestnut of the blame game to 1). Divert attention away from their own failures and moral transgressions and 2). Win the populist vote without making any real, meaningful changes (because they of course threaten their own positions).

Every now and again, the scapegoat is one of their own, and that, I welcome-Nadhim Zahawi, for example. But more often than not, the girlies at Westminster go for the lowest hanging fruit of some marginalised, broadly misunderstood group, pointing the finger at some facet of their identity that unites them as if they are not complex individuals but instead, a homogenous population, reduced to a dehumanised entity of opposition whose mere existence threatens the very thread of to the neurotypical, gender typical, etc. etc. prototypical British individual’s life. Like I said, we live in uncertain times, where an undercurrent of fear for the future brews at the back of most people’s minds. This exists because we see things getting worse and nothing being done about it right in front of our eyes. The tories, along with several other notable politicians across party lines, and the inaction borne from their selfishness, are at the root of this. But they don’t want to lose the positions providing them access to the recourses granting them further wealth and status. That is why they point the finger elsewhere. The way you feel is not because the country is a shitshow. It’s because change is coming, and you anticipate yourself being villainised for living the way of life you’ve become accustomed to, as well as the repercussions of that. The tories pose themselves as the solution to this, the ones who “stick to the facts”, who are the only buffer against this “woke madness” as if it’s some real, aggressive force which is going to come along and destroy your life. They appeal to the “WHAt HAppEned to FREe SpEEch?!” screechers, and fan the flames of that very valued argument. What happened to free speech? Nothing, fuckface, and that is exactly why I have to read your bullshit all over the internet and also why Rishi Sunak is allowed to stand behind a podium and say something as scientifically reductive and divisive as “we shouldn’t get bullied into believing that people can be any sex they want to be. They can’t, a man is a man and a woman is a woman. That’s just common sense.” with impunity. 

Gender isn’t a "common sense” thing, Rishi Sunak knows that, and so do the politicians who spout the same rhetoric. I don’t doubt that transgender individuals, for them, symbolise their left-wing critics, ya know, the old “woke mob”. I don’t know the statistics on the political orientations of trans individuals in Britain-what I do know, is that if they do tend to largely associate with the left, it’s not because they wish to use the guise of political change to infiltrate the movement and establish a new world order where people are imprisoned for innocently misgendering, for being undereducated, and where sex offenders who transition to allow them to more easily abuse individuals of the sex they have transitioned to is permitted. And can we just acknowledge, on the record here, how utterly fucking ludicrous this last dogwhistle is. As if it’s a wide spread phenomenon like???? As if people commonly transition to commit sex crimes?? As if Rishi Sunak repeating this crap isn’t wildly hypocritical when his party’s underfunding of the criminal justice system has quite literally allowed actual sex offenders to go free and reoffend?? Please worry about them, not the unicorn cases of individuals transitioning for the purpose of sneaking into women’s toilets.

But yeah, the left is not some group of sexual predators who push the “trans issue” so that they can “get away” with their crimes. If it seems to be the case that trans or gender nonconforming individuals associate with the left, it’s probably because 1). Rishi Sunak is hardly the first Conservative MP to be transphobic, 2). this government continues to push back against legislation advancing trans rights, including their recent attempts to block Scotland's gender recognition law and 3). because the waiting list for gender affirming surgery is a million fucking years long as a result of the same conservative engineered NHS underfunding that hurts all of us. To be precise, here are the non-hyperbolic numbers:

The second longest average waiting times - after those at the Laurels Exeter Specialist Gender Identity Clinic in Devon (90 months) - were seen at the recently closed Tavistock gender clinic in London, at 54 months. 

Even the lowest average wait at the Nottingham Centre for Transgender Health was 28 months.

(Clara Bullock, BBC News)

All trans individuals want is to be respected and treated with empathy, and to push the narrative they are “bullying” the majority into accepting pseudoscience whilst they are one of the most marginalised groups in this country, commonly the target of harmful legislation when the tories can actually be arsed to get off their money-hungry backsides and implement change, is vile. They want to look like they’re helping. So what they do is create a new, politically weaker group to target, and take fire, and let the public marvel at the spectacle of their missiles believing it represents their “strength”. 

Keir Starmer is fully aware of the same tactics, btw, and capitalises upon it just as much, conducting himself in a way that those with a conscience will see as guided by complicity and cowardice. This solidifies to me he has little in the way of meaningful, implementable plans to fix the social issues catalysed and created by the tories. If he did, he wouldn't be so afraid to criticise them and be labelled as Corbyn reincarnate, directly aligning himself with the "woke left", because his policies would speak for themselves. He is counting on the vote from those dissatisfied with their life under the current Conservative government, who want to go back to the way things "used to be", and is complacent in achieving votes that way. That he refuses to take a stance against the evil bullshit that the tories facilitate speaks volumes about how much trust we should put in him to do the right thing. 

To go back to the Palestine/Israel situation, because I know that is at the forefront of so many of our minds right now, the major figures in British parliament refusing to call for a ceasefire are not doing so because they are as stupid as to believe that what the Israeli government is doing is within reason. All they are doing is doubling down on the version of events which villainises all Palestinian people as harbouring a terrorist group hellbent on taking over not just Israel, but the world, against which Netanyahu and his government are acting out of necessity to be the moral buffer protecting us all, because that’s the only version of events that would supposedly justify their actions. In reality, it’s an attempt by our government leaders to wash their hands of their own complicity of these crimes, because they themselves are benefitting from them. 

Realistically, Hamas are the inevitable product of the Israeli government’s view of the Palestinian people as a subhuman group who will take mistreatment within, and displacement from, their own homeland, but the truth is, Hamas represent to Israel a threat to the delusion of Palestinians being a dehumanised population who are just a problem they can slowly eradicate. Not one to miss making lemonade from lemons, they have become an opportunity to twist the reality into something justifying the more aggressive, but faster, and easier solution of genocide, so grotesquely as to overshadow the very basic fact that their actions right now, even in a vacuum which ignores the immorality of their expansion over the past half century, contravenes international law forbidding collective punishment. Criticise it, and it’s antisemitism, because what they are doing is “for the Jewish people” in spite of the harm they are themselves subjecting normal, everyday Jewish people to, by perpetuating the falsehood that this is something they all condone purely because they are Jewish. Again, this is something our government leaders are complicit in. Yet, again, when peaceful protest occurs against the slaughter in Gaza, Conservative politicians point fingers at protestors and paint them as the antisemitic mob.

Rishi Sunak, Keir Starmer, every politician sitting in UK parliament who refuses to acknowledge this, points to what should be clear from the Conservative Party’s actions, and in Starmer’s case, his complacency with these moves, which is that they think 1). The majority of the British public are a bunch of fucking idiots and 2). Their entitlement to their positions affords them a sense of invincibility. They would not be repeating this bullshit narrative with their chest if  they had any respect for any of us or believed that the dominant sources of information we have access to would ever hold them accountable. And the actions resulting from this belief of theirs have consequences more devastating than ever. They have 0 empathy, and it is for that reason that we can never trust or depend on them. TO REPEAT, these are the people egging on the Israeli government’s genocide of the Palestinian people. These are the people who refuse to call for a ceasefire when the death toll since October 7th now exceeds 11,000 (Nidal Al-Mughrabi and Maytaal Angel, Reuters, November 2023).

There is a general election coming up before 2025 and as the Tories become more and more extreme in their efforts to distract, with more harmful consequences than ever, we really have to do our research, talk to everyone we know about our local candidates, get involved with our local party groups if we can, speak up. I don’t necessarily think it’s a case of the lesser of two evils anymore on a national level-when it comes down to who ends up as our “Prime Minister” and the cabinet, it can feel like a game played by the upper echelons grappling for the ultimate ego boost. Look at the year we’ve had. As much as I’d like to say to anyone who voted Conservative primarily for Boris Johnson, you deserve this chaos for making such a garbage decision in the first place, you probably didn’t think you’d end the year with Rishi Sunak in charge of the country, and David Cameron, who wasn’t even bloody elected, by his side. It’s easy to feel hopeless, 1000%, when who’s in control of the country appears to be a matter so far removed from everyday people but it’s important not to forget elections are about more than just who ends up being PM, which if anything is a distraction to reduce the complex matter of representation and lawmaking down to a binary situation. Mainstream media are all game for an oversimplification of the choice we have because it makes developing straw-man arguments to push their favoured narrative even easier.

Local representation, which is what it becomes easy to forget we're actually voting for in a general election, still offers a way to exert some degree of influence over policy in parliament. I don’t like Keir Starmer but that doesn’t mean I’m against people voting for their Labour MP if their voting record is sound; the resistance of a number of party members to Starmer’s line on Palestine, which went so far as to him vowing to sack any of his shadow ministers that go against the whip, perhaps shows that not all hope is lost, and that there are still some good eggs out there. In that same vein, this has really driven home that you can’t assume party line/ethos will translate to actual policy; though if you’d asked me a few years ago, I'd have probably assumed most Labour MPs would vote for a ceasefire, this truly wasn’t the case.

I wished that when the vote to call for a ceasefire happened yesterday, more of them would’ve been heard, even though the ceasefire is really the very least that can be done for the people in Gaza after all of this. In case you missed it, here are the list of MPs who defied the whip and showed some human decency, including several who have lost their place in Keir Starmer’s shade cabinet as a result:

Diane Abbott (Independent - Hackney North and Stoke Newington)

Tahir Ali (Labour - Birmingham, Hall Green)

Rosena Allin-Khan (Labour - Tooting)

Hannah Bardell (Scottish National Party - Livingston)

Paula Barker (Labour - Liverpool, Wavertree)

Apsana Begum (Labour - Poplar and Limehouse)

Clive Betts (Labour - Sheffield South East)

Mhairi Black (Scottish National Party - Paisley and Renfrewshire South)

Paul Blomfield (Labour - Sheffield Central)

Steven Bonnar (Scottish National Party - Coatbridge, Chryston and Bellshill)

Deidre Brock (Scottish National Party - Edinburgh North and Leith)

Alan Brown (Scottish National Party - Kilmarnock and Loudoun)

Karen Buck (Labour - Westminster North)

Richard Burgon (Labour - Leeds East)

Dawn Butler (Labour - Brent Central)

Ian Byrne (Labour - Liverpool, West Derby)

Liam Byrne (Labour - Birmingham, Hodge Hill)

Amy Callaghan (Scottish National Party - East Dunbartonshire) (Proxy vote cast by Marion Fellows)

Dan Carden (Labour - Liverpool, Walton)

Alistair Carmichael (Liberal Democrat - Orkney and Shetland)

Wendy Chamberlain (Liberal Democrat - North East Fife)

Sarah Champion (Labour - Rotherham)

Douglas Chapman (Scottish National Party - Dunfermline and West Fife)

Joanna Cherry (Scottish National Party - Edinburgh South West)

Daisy Cooper (Liberal Democrat - St Albans)

Jeremy Corbyn (Independent - Islington North)

Ronnie Cowan (Scottish National Party - Inverclyde)

Angela Crawley (Scottish National Party - Lanark and Hamilton East)

Stella Creasy (Labour - Walthamstow)

Jon Cruddas (Labour - Dagenham and Rainham)

Judith Cummins (Labour - Bradford South)

Ed Davey (Liberal Democrat - Kingston and Surbiton)

Martyn Day (Scottish National Party - Linlithgow and East Falkirk)

Marsha De Cordova (Labour - Battersea)

Martin Docherty-Hughes (Scottish National Party - West Dunbartonshire)

Allan Dorans (Scottish National Party - Ayr, Carrick and Cumnock) (Proxy vote cast by Marion Fellows)

Peter Dowd (Labour - Bootle)

Sarah Dyke  (Liberal Democrat - Somerton and Frome)

Colum Eastwood (Social Democratic & Labour Party - Foyle)

Jonathan Edwards (Independent - Carmarthen East and Dinefwr)

Julie Elliott (Labour - Sunderland Central)

Tim Farron (Liberal Democrat - Westmorland and Lonsdale)

Stephen Farry (Alliance - North Down)

Marion Fellows (Scottish National Party - Motherwell and Wishaw)

Stephen Flynn (Scottish National Party - Aberdeen South)

Richard Foord (Liberal Democrat - Tiverton and Honiton)

Mary Kelly Foy (Labour - City of Durham)

Barry Gardiner (Labour - Brent North)

Patricia Gibson (Scottish National Party - North Ayrshire and Arran)

Patrick Grady (Scottish National Party - Glasgow North)

Peter Grant (Scottish National Party - Glenrothes)

Sarah Green (Liberal Democrat - Chesham and Amersham)

Margaret Greenwood (Labour - Wirral West)

Fabian Hamilton (Labour - Leeds North East)

Claire Hanna (Social Democratic & Labour Party - Belfast South)

Neale Hanvey (Alba Party - Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath)

Drew Hendry (Scottish National Party - Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey)

Wera Hobhouse (Liberal Democrat - Bath)

Kate Hollern (Labour - Blackburn)

Rachel Hopkins (Labour - Luton South)

Stewart Hosie (Scottish National Party - Dundee East)

Rupa Huq (Labour - Ealing Central and Acton)

Imran Hussain (Labour - Bradford East)

Christine Jardine (Liberal Democrat - Edinburgh West)

Afzal Khan (Labour - Manchester, Gorton)

Ben Lake (Plaid Cymru - Ceredigion)

Ian Lavery (Labour - Wansbeck)

Chris Law (Scottish National Party - Dundee West)

Emma Lewell-Buck (Labour - South Shields)

Clive Lewis (Labour - Norwich South)

David Linden (Scottish National Party - Glasgow East)

Rebecca Long Bailey (Labour - Salford and Eccles)

Caroline Lucas (Green Party - Brighton, Pavilion)

Kenny MacAskill (Alba Party - East Lothian)

Angus Brendan MacNeil (Independent - Na h-Eileanan an Iar)

Khalid Mahmood (Labour - Birmingham, Perry Barr)

Rachael Maskell (Labour - York Central)

Andy McDonald (Independent - Middlesbrough)

Stewart Malcolm McDonald (Scottish National Party - Glasgow South)

Stuart C McDonald (Scottish National Party - Cumbernauld, Kilsyth and Kirkintilloch East)

John McDonnell (Labour - Hayes and Harlington)

Conor McGinn (Independent - St Helens North)

Anne McLaughlin (Scottish National Party - Glasgow North East)

John McNally (Scottish National Party - Falkirk)

Ian Mearns (Labour - Gateshead)

Carol Monaghan (Scottish National Party - Glasgow North West)

Layla Moran (Liberal Democrat - Oxford West and Abingdon)

Helen Morgan (Liberal Democrat - North Shropshire)

Grahame Morris (Labour - Easington)

John Nicolson (Scottish National Party - Ochil and South Perthshire) (Proxy vote cast by Marion Fellows)

Brendan O’Hara (Scottish National Party - Argyll and Bute)

Sarah Olney (Liberal Democrat - Richmond Park)

Kate Osamor (Labour - Edmonton)

Kate Osborne (Labour - Jarrow)

Kirsten Oswald (Scottish National Party - East Renfrewshire)

Sarah Owen (Labour - Luton North)

Jess Phillips (Labour - Birmingham, Yardley)

Anum Qaisar (Scottish National Party - Airdrie and Shotts)

Yasmin Qureshi (Labour - Bolton South East)

Bell Ribeiro-Addy (Labour - Streatham)

Lloyd Russell-Moyle (Labour - Brighton, Kemptown)

Liz Saville Roberts (Plaid Cymru - Dwyfor Meirionnydd)

Naz Shah (Labour - Bradford West)

Andy Slaughter (Labour - Hammersmith)

Alyn Smith (Scottish National Party - Stirling)

Cat Smith (Labour - Lancaster and Fleetwood)

Alex Sobel (Labour - Leeds North West)

Chris Stephens (Scottish National Party - Glasgow South West)

Jamie Stone (Liberal Democrat - Caithness, Sutherland and Easter Ross)

Zarah Sultana (Labour - Coventry South)

Sam Tarry (Labour - Ilford South)

Alison Thewliss (Scottish National Party - Glasgow Central)

Owen Thompson (Scottish National Party - Midlothian)

Richard Thomson (Scottish National Party - Gordon)

Stephen Timms (Labour - East Ham)

Jon Trickett (Labour - Hemsworth)

Valerie Vaz (Labour - Walsall South)

Claudia Webbe (Independent - Leicester East)

Philippa Whitford (Scottish National Party - Central Ayrshire) (Proxy vote cast by Marion Fellows)

Nadia Whittome (Labour - Nottingham East)

Hywel Williams (Plaid Cymru - Arfon)

Munira Wilson (Liberal Democrat - Twickenham)

Beth Winter (Labour - Cynon Valley)

Pete Wishart (Scottish National Party - Perth and North Perthshire)

Mohammad Yasin (Labour - Bedford)

As for the rest of them, I don’t understand where on earth their humanity is gone. I know I’m not alone in thinking there is 0 justification, EVER, for murdering thousands of innocent people, fucking CHILDREN!! Day after day after day. It makes me feel sick that there are sitting MPs who are so devoid of a conscience. It is properly just horrific. They are fucking dangerous and should be far FAR FAR away from government. 

This country needs to be run for its PEOPLE. There is more than enough money out there to make sure everyone has at the very least the bare necessities of survival, and politicians need to stop throwing vulnerable people like lambs to the slaughter to distract from this truth. We need to elect representatives with real principles, who are against the continuation of the status quo, which is to encourage greed and the belief that the greediest of us are above the rules. That’s why they end up with such detachedness from real every day people, and this comes at the cost of adapting the government safety nets to be appropriate for the current economic climate, and on a bigger scale, failing to tackle the most important issue 99% of the fucking human race should be concerned by. The emergence of an “anti-green” group amongst MPs has undoubtedly influenced Rishi Sunak’s rhetoric on the “cost” of net-zero. Anyone listening to this and nodding their heads in agreement, firstly please refer to how our refusal to invest in renewable energy is hurting us, and secondly, listen to me when an fucking BEG you remember that money won’t matter when viruses completely alien to the modern human body make their way into the water cycle because rising sea temperatures are melting the glaciers they’ve been trapped in for thousands of years:)

These people are literally willing to let the world burn as long as it lines their pockets with the knowledge they’re sitting pretty. Whilst the rich get richer, in spite of the rest of us being told to cut down, the poor stay exactly where they are, and many suffer completely needlessly. There are a shit tonne of British politicians who don’t want us to notice that this is their best case scenario, and that it’s all by their design. But we need to let them know we do and that they are just as human as us. In the spirit of the new Hunger Games sequel film, with Hunter Schafer’s Schiaparelli red carpet look on my mind, I end this post with the words of Katniss Everdeen: 

If we burn, you burn with us babes xoxo

Even if it's just your pathetic, hollow career in politics, and the expense of those GARGANTUAN egos:-)

#rant over #fuck the tories #british politics #general election #thoughts #trans rights #save the nhs #free palestine #cost of living