#why is it so hard for people to explain/educate without being so aggressive?? without causing kid cc's mental distress??

[sweetery-ko]

Hello!! May i request hcs for the 3 characters with an s/o who's like "don't touch me" when they're mad, tho even if they don't touch them, the reader will likely to pinch them (in a cute way) because of frustation and it happens almost everyday? Uhh yea hope you get it and thx you!

Could you tell my motivation went 📈📈📈 at Nagito's part? Also I'm not sure why I suddenly went with a different style for Izuru????? Brain is weirddd

CW: Hajime Hinata, Nagito Komaeda, Izuru Kamukura, 1 mention of T/rut/ru H/nam/ra, self deprecation

Hajime, Nagito and Izuru with an S/O that won't let them touch them but pinches their cheeks if they don't touch either way

His temper isn't the best and most of his other peers are a handful to deal with so he definitely gets you losing your temper so quickly.

What he doesn't understand though, is that you get frustrated every single day, even without communicating with anyone you go out of your cottage with the most grumpiest (yet cutest) expression you could do.

He wanted to know if everything's alright. You always manage to cheer him up when he's upset so he should try it too right? He's not the greatest at comforting but he couldn't bear seeing you so moody anymore.

He was pretty shocked about you telling him off and want him gone, Even got pretty pissed when you say that you will not let him touch in an aggressive tone, like he's some sort of dog.

"Ugh, fine! I'll leave you alone then!" quoted Hajime as he was about to storm off.

But when you grabbed and pinch his checks softly, he went "(｀ー´)???" he was so confused on what's going on. Do you want him to touch you or not?

If you (manage to) explain it, he will be berfuddled. Even with the explanation, he hopes that you don't be too mean on him. His temper and patience is the worse out of all people in the list, after all.

Please, he begs you to tell reason why you're so frustrated as that's the real reason why he tried to confront you in the first place. Was it just your personality? Some sort of hassling work? Did Teruteru said something upsetting again? Just tell and he'll be more understanding.

It's gonna be a rather long time on getting for him to get used to your grumpy attitude but he's gonna try his best to not get caught off guard again and not embarrasses himself.

He would always wait outside your cottage so you both can walk together to the restaurant but this time it's not like the ordinary. Even if you're the type to be late, you're too late that it's suspicious and worrying.

He didn't want to bother you as he doesn't feel like he's worthy enough to ask you anything but he feels like that hearing grumbled noises of what is supposed to be from anger is... Hard to pass on as normal.

He would try to softly knock your door and ask if everything is ok. Depending on your answer, if you even said a word that is on an existing language no matter what it is, he couldn't help getting more worried each second passes. What if his luck is the reason you're like this?? No doubt about it. I am the trashiest--, he continues to deprecate himself.

He snapped out of his thoughts when you say open the door in a furious manner and glared at him. He felt very intimidated, would be shaking in his zipper shoes if you were taller than him.

"My hope, is everything alright?" he softly spoke as he touched your cheek but you slapped it away, causing him to flinch.

Nagito was very hurt by the action. He awkwardly rubbed the slapped hand to hide his sadness. "Of course you don't want to trash like me to touch you." he muttered as he was about to turn around until you stopped him.

When you pinched his cheeks to stop him from going away, he was shocked and confused but then smiled as he realized that it's not a painful pinch but a rather agressive yet still loving one.

"My hope..is there something wrong? It must be awful to touch scum like me." he asked as he unintentionally just, goes soft at your pinches no matter how hard you're pulling.

He would really want you to tell him your frustrations out as the last thing he wants is seeing you so upset all time, he would even let you pinch his reddening cheeks for stress relief too if it helps!

You were studying for an upcoming test and you were very left behind from your studies because there may or may not be an apocalypse that lasted for a year and now that everything is back to normal, so is the education so the sudden stressed university student life is really punching you in the gut for the past few weeks.

Izuru really loves spending time with you and without you around smiling and being yourself feels lonely and boring. He doesn’t want to experienced the feeling of what the scientists have done to him before so he's apparently now unintentionally has separation anxiety.

Fortunately, he's the ultimate hope and has enough intellect to educate you so he became your personal tutor but there is a problem however. Even if you're his partner, he's still not the best with taking care of other's feelings so...

When you're at your limit and yelled out your frustrations out of nowhere, he felt conflicted. He was right, you kept doing the same mistakes no matter how much he corrected but he felt really guilty for some odd reason, it's sickening and he wants it to stop.

"No, you're doing this wrong..", "I have thought you this already." You know, stuff like that. Of course, you being the normal human being with emotions, this will tick you off. You were so pissed and sad, you wanted him to comfort you but you get this instead? Ouch..

"s/o-" he was about to reach your shoulder until you almost slapped it away, he has quick reflexes and even if it was predictable, he was still hurt by your words and actions. Though, he will realise that he upsetted you so he will take the blame.

The silence was deafening and he picked up that he should leave but once in a life time, he was wrong. As soon as he turned around, you softly tugged a few of his strands and pinched his cheeks, making him gasp very, very quietly.

You...You actually suprised this God of a man! Your luck must have been very high as you can see a shocked expression rather than the usual neutral one he always does. The feeling was different and he wanted more yet he didn't quite understand it either.

When you explain it to him, he wouldn't really understand it that much but wouldn't mind it either. Izuru thought that pinching is something you do to someone you hate or are angered with but it seems that is always not the case.

There is no need to tell him your problems as he already knew and he's gonna do great use of practicing his empathy and comforting you the best way he can. It might be a little awkward but he's trying!

Also big bonus; go all out and rant your problems and be grumpy all you want with him as he can easily get used to it and not mind it one bit. He finds it rather cute, if he has to be honest.

#danganronpa #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa sdr2 #danganronpa x reader #hajime hinata #hajime hinata x reader #nagito komaeda #nagito komaeda x reader #izuru kamukura #izuru kamukura x reader #teruteru hanamura #tw teruteru #tw self deprecation

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

hi!!! i’m fairly new to hypmic and it’s been really fun since all the characters and divisions seem super interesting! i wanted to ask abt your thoughts on gentarou + dice being hifumi + doppo’s parallels. while reading the manga (thank you for your translations btw!) i noticed how both gentarou and hifumi have a persona, or mask that they use. and while dice and doppo seem very different, they both risk their lives to get by and survive. i just thought it would be cool to hear what you think about them! :D

Oh yeah! MTR and Fling Posse mirror each other in a lot of ways, but they each take a unique approach to their respective situations. For example, Jakurai and Ramuda are both those that exist for the sake of other people, but Jakurai leans into that because it is a choice whereas Ramuda chafes against it because it is a role someone else thrust upon him.

But your question was about the other two. For Hifumi and Gentarou, one obvious parallel would be their usage of clothing to create distinct personas which cause distinct personality shifts. Like I discussed in an ask earlier today, Gentarou's clothing and mannerisms are defense mechanisms which he erects in place of whatever his original personality was like. It's a fairly permanent transformation, as he never willingly relaxes this guard in canon, and even wears this sort of clothing to bed. It becomes a replacement of his original self. Additionally, Gentarou adds on touches of extra personalities, primarily for entertainment purposes, which he drops at the touch of a hat.

By contrast, Hifumi uses his clothing as a transition marker between two semi-permanent states of personality. The host mode and the normal mode are each as fully developed as the other, and Hifumi has no issue converting back and forth between them. Unlike Gentarou, Hifumi's clothing and affectations are two distinct parts of the same person, not a permanent outer shell surrounding an inner core. This may explain why Hifumi does not understand Gentarou's clothing choices, because to Hifumi, removing the suit jacket simply reveals another part of Hifumi. Hifumi also never adds additional personalities on top of his main personas because, again, his personas are not decorative but coexistent.

I like your comparison of Doppo and Dice risking their lives in order to survive. To me, their biggest parallel is in how they live on society's bottom rungs and totally at society's mercy. Doppo is an office worker of middling importance who is mercilessly pushed around by his boss and the societal expectations to be deferential. While he inwardly wants to rebel against the system, he rarely does, and instead lets his anger and aggression build up to the point where he longs to turn the very things that hurt him against others. To Doppo, there is no way out of his situation; therefore, he leans into the situation with all of his might and becomes a part of the very system that he hates.

Conversely, Dice rejects the system entirely. As a freeter (person who works part time in various, usually low-skilled, jobs) and person without obvious education, Dice has little chance to climb the social ladder and engage in a socially acceptable lifestyle. Instead of worrying about this like Doppo, Dice simply doesn't. Dice defines life on his own terms, even when it leads to terrible consequences like losing all of his rent money or gambling the clothes off of his back. While Dice does and can work as needed, he doesn't feel beholden to society and so does not work for work's sake. However, this does not make him without morals, as Dice works hard to repay his friends when he enters into debt with them. Dice follows a moral code based around what he respects, but society as a whole simply has not earned Dice's respect.

#not a translation #asks #analysis asks

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

#sorry if this is longwinded but I had a lot to say so [shrug] #karl jacobs #dsmp #dream smp #dreamwastaken #ghost.txt

[life-rewritten]

WE BEST LOVE  (FIGHTING MR 2ND) ShouZhen and The Acceptance of Feelings, Love and Self

Warning this was really hard to write, I tried to be as sensitive as I could but if I have said anything ableist or wrong, and I need to be educated please let me know. I don’t mean to do that but when it comes to these two, I do have a degree in Clinical Psychology but there might be parts of me that are still ignorant, uneducated or insensitive to the community I don’t mean to be that way. So trigger warning(TW) for people, there are some ‘ableist’ comments or wording that I have to say when talking about a situation from someone’s perspective, let me know if there’s anything problematic about this analysis and I will try and edit and change anything that is wrong information, or offensive.

Oh god. This was a journey for me. This show like stuns me, I mean I’ve always known I would be obsessed with Xuan and Shouyi from We Best Love because they remind me of like a lot of couples I watched last year (Korean Psycho but it’s okay which kind of deals with the same themes in a different way, Flower of evil a bit more intense but still the same themes about society and ableism etc), so I’ve been waiting to write about them and discuss them in detail. Episode 3 just made me finally crack and start analysing them. I think the thing with We Best Love is that I am very surprised  by how this season has just been so good, and deep, and mature but at the same time it’s very risky what they’re trying to do. It can lead to backlash and offense caused if its not done properly. So take that with a grain of salt, as much as I am enjoying these choices I do know it could change in the last two episodes, I’m holding out hope though that this show will stay the way I think it’s going to go, I don’t think the writers mean to be problematic or insensitive I actually they’re trying to do the opposite but we shall see. Let’s get into analysing these two. I promise you this is worth reading despite the length. Let me know what you think 😊

So small summary we have Shouyi from season 1, he’s our cold hearted doctor, he is insensitive to people, he says things and does things without care about how it affects others, he rolls his eyes at Shide’s suffering with love because he thinks it’s stupid. He’s funny but there’s something missing for him, he can’t help but be drawn to someone who he thinks is a problem and wants to avoid but actually he also wants to keep and protect forever. And we have Xuan that person he’s someone who is autistic, he is smart, indifferent to people, he is in his own world and he is very set on Shouyi. Xuan has been chasing after Shouyi since high school when he first met him, and he’s determined to not give up on his love and determined to make Shouyi see that he also feels the same way. At first it seems like a typical unrequited obsessive storyline we see in BLs but there’s so much more to it than that and that’s why I adore this couple. Let’s break it down

As much as Shouyi is misunderstanding his heart, he’s also misunderstanding Xuan’s heart. He thinks Xuan’s feelings/belief of feelings is stemmed from his diagnosis of Xuan’s situation, so he thinks Xuan is ‘childish’ due his autistic tendencies, his other disorders, but before we go into more detail  on this base about why he refuses to accept Xuan’s feelings as real or long lasting, let’s talk about all the other reasons that others including Shouyi himself has given for why even though Shouyi and Xuan are two people who are in love with each other, (it’s a requited but they don’t know trope oddly even though it’s formed like a unrequited pining one sided love from Xuan to Shouyi), Shouyi refuses to acknowledge Xuan’s feelings and his.

 Logic vs Feelings

Teacher/Student: Morals, Laws and Age

Let’s first look at the first reason: the teacher/student issue that Shouyi used as an excuse in his head for why they couldn’t be together 15 years ago. A lot of people when trying to understand or form reasons why they thought Shouyi ran away from Xuan 15 years ago say that it’s because they were a taboo situation because he was essentially an older adult with a minor? A teacher student situation right?  So he felt logically and morally that they shouldn’t be together so they avoided crossing that boundary. This may be why he gave Xuan that ultimatum of finding him when he’s older and if they find each other again then Xuan can have a chance to chase after him though it’s a lie. And logically that makes sense, the teacher and student trope in romance love stories and BL can somewhat seem predatory and bring up those issues of consent, age and other topics. So normally it’s an uncomfortable thing to deal with, it does seem like Xuan was very young if we’re thinking he’s 30? Then he may have been 15-18 when they first met so there was definitely an age gap between them and Xuan was definitely a minor who probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with a teacher. It’s very good of Shouyi to turn away from Xuan at that time even if he did have his own feelings for him. Shouyi was a teacher figure, a protective guardian that Xuan kept seeking help and guidance from. My guess is that Shouyi saw how Xuan had transformed from the first time he met him to someone more healthier and better and felt uncomfortable when Xuan confessed how he felt and made it known that he wanted Shouyi to see him in a romantic way. So yes, the logical/moral reason for why Shouyi pushed Xuan away makes sense but I feel like there’s more to it than just that.

In the Taiwanese wiki because I’m not sure if this information will show up in the show anymore but Shouyi’s character was written as someone who was resentful to his parents because they forced him to do medicine. He ended up studying medicine but to spite them instead of becoming a doctor he actually chose to be a teacher/high school doctor which provided less money and skewed their expectations. Later he’d become a university doctor before finally quitting all that and choosing to run a bistro/café. Shouyi did not really mean to become a protective figure in his highschool doctor role, we see him as well in university he doesn’t do the role of a teacher/helper, he’s just logically following  the rules/operations that the medical occupation does. He’s also very rough with how he takes care of his patients and he doesn’t bother to make them feel safe/or cared for or whatever, he’s abrupt, rude and cold. But as we start to uncover when we finally go into the past so I will be also using their trailer/music video to analyse with this essay, , once Xuan came to Shouyi for protection and nurture, (latched onto him like a baby bird) Shouyi did offer guidance and care and knowledge to Xuan helping him want to do more, want to learn more, want to be more and grow so he did essentially without meaning to ended up in a teacher role for Xuan which is why he sees Xuan as a child in need of advice, guidance and immature/naïve. This is why even after they reunite Shouyi still thinks Xuan has the same characteristics and childish actions as he did when he was 15.

The Doctor/Patient Situation: Healing, Obligation, Protection

 The medical aspect of their relationship is important as well because both are connected to psychological disorders and Shouyi is again a guiding role and Xuan is a patient. Shouyi thinks because he’s studied medicine about the scientific explanations as a doctor about the disorders that Xuan has, what it entails, what it could lead to, how characteristics may be described and he rationalises and kind of judges/ stereotypes in my opinion ideas about why Xuan feels the way he does, or acts the way he does. So instead of seeing Xuan as more than a patient, his mind automatically sees him as someone with his condition rather just a person with feelings.  I’m not going to lie I think there’s a bit of ableism from how Shouyi treats Xuan because he doesn’t see him as someone able to function without his disorder, he kind of rationalises and only sees him as one static stereotype and is constantly diagnosing him. But I do think that’s something the show may want to call out, when they show how Xuan is treated by people or seen  by people because it does look like people automatically see Xuan as his disorder instead of just Xuan as himself. They blame a lot of things it seems on their mindset of what they think his disorder causes which is ableist. I think this is something Xuan has had to probably deal with since he was younger, and that’s why he’s so protective and adamant in letting people know he’s not sick he’s okay, he’s normal, he’s okay being himself, he’s not a threat, he’s not an issue etc. So I think we may have a commentary more on this in the subtext. But Shouyi is ironic when he plays a role in this because I think he is also someone who people are ableist to, I think he’s also like that to himself, because he also has a psychological disorder that makes people see him as that. Shide does mention how he should have known Shouyi won’t do anything for someone’s good, but for his own selfishness since he has his disorder in season 1, and I think just like Xuan this is something he had to learn a lot and accept about himself hence his issue with romance. So Xuan is an antithesis to Shouyi he’s more aggressive and protective and doesn’t like how society views him but Shouyi seems to have embraced and accepted his disorder and has a mindset that he’s exactly that and has also accepted  how people expect him to act.

Anyway because of how he views Xuan (like how others do) he decides that the reason for why Xuan is into him can be explained psychologically; he’s a child in need of a figure to latch onto he’s somehow attached himself to Shouyi (filail imprinting) because he was overexposed to him. There is so many psychological theories on attachment and imprinting, but this reminds of the baby duck syndrome. This is an effect when someone gets exposed to something/they learn about it, they immediately latch onto this as the best thing compared to anything else and thus can’t change or move away from it. Anyway what I’m trying to get at is that Shouyi thinks Xuan’s attachment to him can be explained by psychology because Xuan is like a child who has latched him onto him as his only comfort/hope/joy whatever, because of that Xuan is deluding himself into thinking that’s love. With this syndrome the duckling is willing to be obsessed, sacrificial, just determined to be near that thing that matters to them so Xuan’s focus and determination to be with Shouyi can be explained in his head like that. So he sees Xuan’s feelings for him is seen not as love but as an imprint seeing him as a guardian figure, teacher figure, father figure etc. Someone who can take care of him.

With Xuan’s actions you could see how Shouyi who has no idea about feelings would think so. When they first meet, Xuan was very protective and defensive hence quite violent in order to protect himself, he was even very scared and distrustful of Shouyi at first, (my theories is that he was probably defensive because he was constantly bullied and treated badly because of how some people saw his disorder). But somehow Shouyi manages to calm him down and show him care by taking care of his wounds etc, and it causes Xuan to notice that he feels safe and he cares about being with this person.

So with all that said, obviously again in Shouyi’s head there’s a logical/scientifical reason for why he doesn’t want to acknowledge or believe Xuan’s feelings as long lasting or real. Again it makes sense, a doctor/patient relationship again borders on a lot of moral questions and lines that need to be discussed with/dealt with before they can be together. Xuan was seen by Shouyi as someone unstable, violent, self harming, depressed, etc He was seen as a patient in need of help so as someone playing the role of his care taker/ doctor that’s the only thing that he should be to him. But again I think yes logically he thinks this way but I also think knowing Shouyi these are all excuses for why he actually cares for Xuan. There is definitely a difference with how he pays attention to Xuan despite acting like he doesn’t care, there is definitely more feelings of protectiveness and worry for Xuan, and although he complains about not wanting Xuan near him, there is a lot of feeling lack, emptiness and discomfort without him there which I think he’s going to learn more about this season when he finally truly pushes Xuan away. In season 1, all Shouyi did was pine and think about Xuan, he held onto Xuan’s items and refused to let them go, he held onto them like a memory and its odd, he also gets very angry when Shide takes some of those memories and gets rid of them (the noodles) and it causes him to be spiteful but Shide thinks he’s being spiteful because of course he’s spiteful, he’s Shouyi with an emotional disorder he doesn’t care. Shide didn’t understand what those memories meant for Shouyi which is important. Because Shouyi doesn’t clock that, that’s a sign that he does miss and does want Xuan by his side.

So in my mind he is in love/or did have those feelings even after episode 3 when they kiss. But he reverts to using logic to explain why it’s happening, he uses logic to remove the importance and sentiments of emotions and feelings concerning how Xuan treats him and how he treats Xuan. Why they are connected. So as a teacher the moral obligation to guide and teach and help Xuan is why he cares. As a doctor the psychological consequences of not preventing Xuan from hurting himself or going too far is the reason for why he must nurture, and protect him/carry him. And the thing is they both really again compliment each other though like I said even if they had feelings, they shouldn’t have crossed that boundary 15 years ago, but I want to explain why they’re a good couple and why they fit.

Love and Influence, Growth and Companionship

First of all they both have an influence on each other to be better/ to grow/ to learn. So from Xuan it’s clear there was a transformation from his 15 year old self without Shouyi to who he is now. I’m pretty sure his job interests, his ability to trust, and have hope for the future is connected to him discovering all that when he was spending time with Shouyi. Shouyi clearly made him see things differently, helped him with some lifestyle enquiries like he wanted him to be proud of him, he wanted to protect both of them so he took up boxing (we see him always constantly boxing in the office, he just learnt how to be more healthier (not because being autistic is being unhealthy but his actions were unhealthy when he was younger because he was self-harming etc). We also get to see how different he gets when he’s with Shouyi, he’s more confident, calmer, happier, just very lively and excited and it’s so adorable but also makes sense. Xuan is no longer hateful of people around him (not because of his disorder but because of how people around him probably treated him), or violent (he’s only violent for protection and defense) and actually we see in episode 3 him feeling very upset and guilty when he fights and Shouyi sees him because it seems like Shouyi made him promise to stop using violence as his first reaction to things, so he felt upset because he didn’t want to disappoint him. But we see in the future he’s not only better, but he works along Shide and he is a actually in a big role in the company he works for.

For Shouyi, Xuan makes him learn about his emotions that he thought he couldn’t have, Xuan leads him on a self discovery journey, to understand more about who he is and not what society thinks he is, or not what some diagnosis claims he is, and for him to know that he can have love and he can be happy. Xuan also represents to him ease, comfort and hope not yet but soon despite the fact that on the surface he tries to push him away, I’m sure this season we see him also relax, trust and just be more open to feelings the way he hasn’t been able to want to be because of others. They both have this message of making the other know that there’s nothing wrong with who they are, they’re normal and live a happy life despite what people have said or treated them as.

Deyi vs Shouzhen; Mirrors of Each Other

In a way Xuan is a mirror image to another character we know who he thinks has Shouyi’s heart Shide. Because the reason why Shide fell for Shuyi young, was because Shuyi was someone who he felt safe with, listened to, cared for, (same reasons why Xuan fell for Shouyi), Shide felt Shuyi led him to growth and purpose and determination to be strong and hope (again same as Xuan and Shouyi) and so because of his feelings he was determined to be near Shuyi and now in season 2, show Shuyi his devotion and love (again same  as Xuan to Shouyi). The love that they have for their person is automatic, uncontrollable, unconditional but also passionate and it makes them determined to be something to that person, to be with that person and to be in a position where they can protect that person. They both don’t mind if it’s one sided or if the love is more on their side than the other because the happiness they feel is by being with them and seeing them happy.

On the other hand Xuan and Shuyi struggle to actually realise their feelings that are also there just not prominent because they have a mindset stuck on logic, judgement but also on perceived societal opinions/rules. Let me explain so for Shuyi it’s because of his determination to not fall for men (because he had  internalised homophobia (IH)  something that is a theme that runs with him and Shide, it’s because of IH he automatically thinks Shide would choose a girl over him and get married and have a kid, it’s because of IH dealing with his father and the shareholders situation and the position of being his father’s heir that made him also say that he didn’t want to fall for a guy when he first realised how he felt for Shide), because of this he never saw Shide’s actions as romantic even when Shide was telling him/confessing to him in episode 2 in season 1, he always misunderstood Shide’s actions and intentions. This is the same as Shouyi who isn’t because of IH but because of ‘ableism’/raised with an ableist societal mindset  that makes him misunderstand Xuan’s actions  and also his own feelings and also it’s because of his own position (teacher/doctor role) that makes him also avoidant of dealing his feelings for Xuan in season 2.

Which is why I adore season 2, again in my previous analysis of this season, the aim of this season is to focus on maturity, real life issues, discussions and commentary on certain things because the characters in season 1 were more naïve, immature and starting out into the world, so its more prone to happiness, and love and all that (this is why season 1 was so light, and less angsty) when our characters grow older, the issues/topics that were hidden in season 1, (Shuyi and Shide’s miscommunication and misunderstanding about their actual feelings and their views on sexuality, Shouyi’s disorder and his mindset, etc) now have to be dealt with, discussed about but also fought with. Now every one has to fight for their path and deal with more serious conversations surrounding these things. That’s why it’s not a surprise season 2 is more angsty, more dramatic, more serious, it’s meant to be a mirror image of season 1, but just more elevated and deeper and more severe than what they had or what they knew when they were younger. That’s how life gets the more you’re older. That’s why I adore this show because yes season 2 is very different and more risky (they really took a risk with how they did season 2 as you can see a lot of people felt blindsided because they didn’t see the subtext and hints in season 1 when it was always there) but I like that it’s risky, I like that it’s tackling these issues, I like it’s more mature and serious but it still is We Best Love, it’s still a story about the innocent love going to passionate love before becoming the real pure definition of covenant love (unconditional, soulmate, growth, self love, self acceptance, communication and understanding). This is seriously why I love this show, I’m sad for the people who don’t see it as this because it’s always been the aim of the script writer to make it this way.

 Nature vs Nurture

Back to Shouyi and Xuan. Actually back to the funny thing about Shide and Shouyi. So Shouyi and Shide are cousins it’s been told to us but every time there’s a plot with their love interests there’s a misunderstanding that leads to a growth/elevation in their relationships because their partners misunderstand what they are to each other. In season 1, Shuyi’s jealousy about them makes him confess out loud he knows Shide’s feelings this leads to them finally dealing with the truth and coming out to each other. Shide does think Shouyi acted this way because he was angry but its actually because Shouyi is protective and caring to Shide in his own way even if he thinks he can’t care about people. The reason why he did what he did is because he wanted Shide to stop suffering in an unrequited love with Shuyi, he wanted to help but he used another excuse to explain away his emotions/feelings which is exactly his character and what we see he’s doing with Xuan. So with Shouyi he does care about people, he does have emotions but because of his diagnosis/ people told him, he doesn’t believe he does because I’m sure he struggles understanding what he feels.  But Yes so again with Xuan and Shouyi there’s a misunderstanding by Xuan that Shouyi loves Shide, which is going to play a part in their relationship, Shouyi uses this lie to push Xuan away and he thinks it’s a solution of making Xuan stop loving him. Because he thinks love is painful from watching Shide, he thinks the results of love isn’t worth it because he sees Shide suffer constantly because of his own feelings but I think he also envies them whenever they’re happy like we saw in the finale of season 1, he goes to drink looking contemplative and sad. He’s lonely. So again on the surface Shouyi thinks love is over rated and stupid but actually inside he feels empty and wants it but he thinks he’s unable to have that.

Let’s discuss Shouyi’s ‘disorder’ because it’s still very hard to process what he actually has. We know he thinks he’s emotionally defective like he isn’t able to feel emotions, or care about people. He can’t form emotional connections to people, he just sees them as nothing important. The only way I could rationalise or understand is to kind of group it with another disorder even I don’t know if it is that because I don’t think he’s a sociopath, but I see some of his symptoms close to ASPD? Or I guess I also think it’s just Alexithymia which is lack of emotional awareness where he doesn’t know what emotion he’s feeling but he does have it. Either way what I see with his symptoms is that he’s not unable to feel emotions I think he just doesn’t know or understand emotions/ feelings, so it’s like an obstacle or like it’s a challenge for him to fully come to terms with the idea of emotions and all that so he withdraws from that and sees himself as unable to feel or care.

This is my guess because it’s quite hard to understand his diagnosis when there’s not enough yet explained about what he does struggle with. Either way its either he doesn’t understand what emotions he’s feeling or he has lack of them. I think it’s the latter because I can see that he shows care to people and he’s protective and helpful to people he feels close to. (this is just what I’m seeing). Either way the similarities with Shouyi and Xuan is that they have both been born with something that has made them be seen in  a negative way or misunderstood way (as much as not everyone is ableist I still think that’s kind of the environment I’m seeing from the show about these two and how they’re treated. I could be wrong) and told different things about who they are and what they have. So for example I keep repeating that one scene but when Shide speaks to Shouyi angrily in season 1 in a very insensitive manner about his disorder, Shouyi is defensive and angry about the way he spoke to him, what he said about him, so you see there is annoyance when people say stuff like that about him even though it seems he also has embraced those ideas  about himself.

In his mind he knows what he has because it’s something he struggles with but I think it frustrates him that he doesn’t can’t explain why he’s the way he is, he probably tried to form attachments and feelings for people but couldn’t so he gave up on the idea of ever being able to do that. But I think it’s just because those people aren’t Xuan. I’m not fully sure about what kind of environment Xuan grew up in but if he was little and people made fun of him, or bullied him, or mocked him he would have struggled with knowing there’s nothing wrong with who he is vs a accepting what people said about him that he can’t ‘function’ because he’s ‘sick’ probably. Because he’s really defensive he does not like people telling him that there’s something wrong with him, that what he’s feeling is not normal or real, and he’s able to take care of himself and have a good life with who he is.  I think you see this struggle in him when he thinks Shouyi has feelings for Shide. Like he immediately once he gets caught fighting walks away sadly because you can guess what he’s thinking, it’s probably ‘Ofcourse it’s Shide he likes, someone ‘normal’ ‘stable’ etc” You can see him in my opinion regress with those thoughts which is why he turned away in shame and says to Shouyi if I was him you would care etc I think yes he fights what people say about him and he knows he’s okay and what he’s feeling but if people keep on making him feel like the opposite he will later regress and accept what they say about him. If he really does get pushed away finally by Shouyi I think he’ll finally really accept that mindset he’s been struggling to fight and reject that he’s ‘abnormal’ to society therefore he’s not allowed to have love because he’s an obstacle to himself and his partner. That’s something I think the story will show for them which is heart breaking. Sigh.

Taking A Risk

Before I continue, let’s pause because let’s discuss the trailer for episode 4. Because yes the trailer does make it look like Xuan hacked the computer out of jealousy and pettiness because of the Shide situation. I think this is a misdirect or a warning. I don’t think the writers will make him be the one who did that, by making him be misunderstood though as someone doing that, brings up commentary it brings up a discussion about how people treat him. So in my opinion there’s a difference if they make him the one who did that because of vindictiveness and resentment then that’s problematic but if they’re trying to show how people have been treating him all his life, I think that’s okay because that’s exactly the aim of the show, to show what he’s struggling with because of how he’s seen in this environment. I can see the characters thinking he’s the one, blaming him, being ableist and I think a lot of people are going to be sensitive and annoyed and I get it; it’s a very risky move by the script writer if she wants to go this way, for me I will understand because I get what the show is trying to say, it depends on the consequences if our characters do end up doing something ableist how do they get taught that they’re wrong and that’s the only thing about this risk that worries me she may not be able to fully make people accept the characters apologies/ flaws with this issue.

It’s so risky and this season has tried so hard with its risks to bring up stuff but I am really happy because we have an autistic BL character, I love it so much because I think it’s incredible. The fact that this season is tackling this conversation about psychological disorders; the fact that we have one character more defensive and determined to be taken more seriously because he’s learnt to love who he is and accept himself vs his partner who has never had that chance to think about what he wants, who he is, what he needs because he’s constantly thinking he’s prevented by his disorder  is something that’s very fascinating to me, and I’ve been so excited to analyse and see it play out on the screen by these brilliant actors. I have been begging for risks in BLs to be made, for more stories to be told that border on the line of sensitive topics and representation, these stories should obviously told by people who are representative of the characters but I also like that a writer took a risk to discuss it more and show it on the screen. I like that we have conversations about mental health on the screen and it’s important to see how another culture/country treats the subject of psychological disorders so we know what needs to be changed/ learnt/ discussed. However I do get that the autistic community and others could be triggered by things with this storyline so far I’ve spoken to people about how they feel about Xuan so far, and a lot of people from the community isn’t offended by him but that’s not a full population of people, but people did say they understood Xuan’s character. But I can’t speak for the community. But for me I just would love to have a whole BL season just for these two, because I really commend the writers if done properly on the risk they took to show this.

As you can tell from this essay I adore We Best Love, I know it’s a polarising decision because people seem to think this season is worse or whatever, but for me I love this show, I didn’t expect this show to be so deep and bring up these subjects it’s the reason why even when I could have written about season 1 since I noticed the themes that are more dealt with in season 2, I didn’t cause I thought it was just be me overthinking it. We Best Love didn’t promise to be the outstanding different BL, it really is simple in season 1, which is why I am surprised at the comments of people who say that they are shocked it’s just a basic BL, like what were they expecting the storyline is very easy to understand, and it does have tropes similar to other BLS, it’s just written better and has interesting characters and good acting. But season 2 is when they really go deeper and start to tackle really serious conversations and I understand that it borders on the line of toxicity, problematic content, questionable ideas but for me I’m so happy the characters are being shown as flawed and problematic. Like Shide and Shuyi weren’t healthy they won’t be until the end of the show that’s what the writer wants to achieve; they are going to end up growing and maturing together to finally get their happy ending, and that’s the same for Xuan and Shouyi right now because of mindsets, and misunderstandings etc they are going to be questionable but they’re going to learn to understand each other and show each other how they feel and grow together from their flaws. The characters are just humans, they make mistakes, they do things but they’re consistent with their character outlines and goals, the writer has never changed anything about the characters, she’s making them learn and mature and go through consequences for their flaws, and I think it’s really important to notice that. I think that’s enough reason for me to love this show because I really enjoy how she’s made a simple BL be very deep and realistic in my opinion about how people are when they fall in love. I also adore the whole team, the actors, producers, writer I think they have done such an amazing job and put so much effort, energy and hard work to tell this story when others don’t do that all the time. Anyway let me know what you think about these two, about the show, about season 2. I’m really surprised by the BLs we are getting lately I’m not goanna lie I am obsessed with every one of them and like just stunned by each conversation and analysis they bring. Absolutely phenomenal start to the year.

#we best love #wbl #wbl: fighting mr. 2nd #we best love: fighting mr. 2nd #fighting mr.2nd #bl series #bl drama #cwg #march #gao shi de

[ask-asexual-crystal-gems]

What's a common thread between ADHD and the asexuality spectrum? The answer might surprise you.

A while back, an ADHD user said in response to my question, “how did mindfulness exercises go?” a single word, “dissociation.”

It was only long after I had replied, that I had to remind myself that people think of dissociation as a scary thing.

I had to remind myself that a psychotherapist I once knew was pretty unorthodox, and gave me perspective on the matter that defused all the mysteriousness and internalized socialized discomfort surrounding it, which is ultimately rooted in both fear of the unknown or unfamiliar, and maybe a little bit of stigma, too.

Naturally, I do not talk about these sorts of things with general people IRL, so newly having a ‘conversation’ online about it did not jostle my awareness of others’ attitudes like it probably should have.

Things like anxiety and ADHD are, let’s say, more “ordinary” neurodivergences. (remember, the word applies to ALL mental illnesses, also, not just traits. Many don't consider most cases of ADHD an 'illness,' nor a lot of presentations of autism)

Those are more "ordinary." They don’t mash that “this is weird” button, so much as simply “this is very unpleasant.”

But dissociation can be the former, and not the latter.

Let me back up and explain that a bit.

People see dissociation as undesirable.

But why is it, you should ask.

Leave aside questions of physical safety. I’m just talking about sitting down somewhere, and there is no risk to you.

In the typical view, it’s not just another operation the brain can do, or an altered mind state, as we discussed it, rather, it is somehow considered a “bad” outcome.

When, ironically, for many forms of mind training, which we’ll put under the umbrella term “meditation” for simplicity’s sake, the end goal is a type of on-command dissociative state.

Whether you are internalizing your attention, externalizing your attention, or just trying to get that danged mind chatter to shut up for once and give you some peace, whichever way you are sliding along that scale, there is always the route open to you to pursue this ultimate peace.

So this person, who was trying out mindfulness?

Think, if you switched all the aircraft cockpit switches to check if everything was lighting up correctly. But instead of being an experienced pilot, you had no idea what would happen once you started testing everything out.

Accidentally withdrawing your physical senses, and seeming to distance your “self” from your body, which experienced practitioners do without batting an eye, (pun intended) would seem like a dysfunction rather than a built-in feature.

Quieting those areas of the brain dedicated to sense perception is quite a lovely experience, when you are educated on it, do it on purpose, and expect it.

Whereas anxiety is almost never a positive experience, unless it’s not really overwhelming or potent, and you’ve 'reframed' it such that it’s exciting, like any other adrenaline junkie bender.

The milder forms of dissociation, termed depersonalization or derealization, that seem to be quite common among asexual people, are also often considered as a negative thing, instead of just the current, value-neutral state of mind, which is trainable.

A much more common and even milder form happens when we sink into routine. Ever had a stretch of weeks on a job where you look back and you feel like you were sort of “automated”? Like you weren’t really present? You’re somehow a little surprised that that much time has passed?

That “time dilation,” accompanied also sometimes by a distorted sense of chronological sequence happens a lot with ADHD people, regardless of circumstances, but most everyone in the populace has experienced it at some point, barring perhaps the super privileged who have never been forced into a literally “mind numbing” job.

Maybe you’ve also experienced the sensation where you get into a car, perhaps when you’re on a familiar route you’ve driven a thousand times, or especially on long road trips, and you seem to zone out and lose time.

The brain is pretty good at conserving energy.

This is what she tells her patients, to calm their sympathetic nervous system. It circumvents that distress, that health-sapping stress response to this ultimately harmless “weird” experience, vastly improving their quality of life:

Dissociation is a continuum- many forms of it are common. Not some super strange thing corralled in a small corner of the sum total of human experience.

“Reframing” these things is essential to attaining incrementally improved mental health.

Clearing away all the internalized judgement, the feelings of wrongness, etc.

Just one more step out of the norm.

Just another neurodivergence.

It is conceptualized as unnerving when it happens suddenly and sharply, though, because it is so different from “ordinary” everyday experience.

The same way one person who hasn’t been around dogs much might react to a large dog barking with fear, and another person standing next to them having the exact same experience, trained and knowledgeable in recognizing true aggression versus excitement or mild warning, would not feel threatened.

Yes, having that particular toggle out of your grasp may be annoying and to those not given this perspective, frightening. (And if other personalities are involved, that gets much more complicated!!) But, consider. One of my mentors said calmly once, that she lost time for, say, 10 or 15 minutes while sitting down quite regularly, and felt very recharged and energized afterwards. It’s not exactly like sleep, because there’s not that head nodding and relaxation of muscles. Almost instantly gone, and instantly aware again, not that feathery transition as happens when drowsing or gradually falling asleep.

I hypothesize to her that this had probably started up because she’s involuntarily dropping into a deep delta or theta brainwave state for a bit, because that’s what she does in ‘brain entrainment’ recordings. (The frequencies are very good for relaxation when you're anxious and have a hard time unwinding yourself, others are good for focus during studying, and are therefore used by ADHD people) Unless she wants to pay some big lab to measure her neuron firing frequency though, there’s no way to tell for sure. The point is, that she directly benefits from this ‘taking a break’ from thinking. She is not bothered in the least by her mind occasionally saying, ‘you know what, I’m overwhelmed right now, gonna switch off for a bit.’ When someone gives their mind this permission to pause from its worries and senses, each the internal and external input, sometimes this is the outcome. It is not a problem to her whatsoever that this toggle occasionally moves of its own accord.

People are afraid of what they don’t understand.

But she understands it.

People are afraid of new experiences.

But to her, it’s old hat. On an MRI, each of the parts of the brain dedicated to the senses dim. Occipital lobe for sight, temporal lobe for hearing, etc.

If I were brushed up on the neuroanatomy of this process better, I could also name the parts dedicated to internal imput that would grow dimmer as she entered that state. Heck, they study this stuff so much, when interviewing meditation practitioners and testing for stuff like blood flow changes as their attention shifts, those images probably already exist.

Dissociation is not a mysterious thing.

It serves a purpose.

It’s your brain’s ‘energy saver’ mode.

Or in some cases, ‘recharge.’

So, to the person who argued that ADHD people should be cautious about using mindfulness? I must ask again, why?

Why would you forgo the benefits? Why would they tell others to do so??

Usually the main reasons dissociation causes problems, that aforementioned therapist says, is that people are overloaded to the point where it happens not when they’re relaxed, and can daydream or drift, but randomly when there’s too much pressure in their lives.

The fear response to it is just like any other overactive fear response or phobia- with time and therapeutic work, they are all resolvable.

/////////

#this post is NOT about dissociative identity disorder #only mentioned it in passing to separate it from the discussion

#adhd #asexual #generalized anxiety disorder #mental health stigma #mental health #therapy #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #depersonalization #derealization #mindfulness #anti capitalism #time dilation #brain entrainment #delta waves #theta waves

[stxvercgersslut]

Promises 2/2

Pairing: Daughter! Reader x Fad! Ransom

Description: Ransom tried his hardest to protect you, making it his priority to ensure that you wouldn’t get hurt again. But he couldn’t always be there to protect you. Something he found out the hard way.

Warnings: Language, not proof read, mentions of bullying, mentions of blood, aggressive behaviour, threats.

He didn’t like the idea of you going back to that hell of a school one bit. Not one little bit! It was practically a suicide mission due to those asshole girls who still hadn’t felt the repructions of their actions just yet. How the hell could he let you go back to that school? Exactly he couldn’t. However, suing the school hadn’t gone to plan. Of course he hadn’t expected your bully to be the principals daughter! So once again that little bitty got away without a single disapilanry. But he wouldn’t give up, Ransom always got what he wanted and this wasn’t going to change that. She didn’t get to go around attacking someone that he loved with all of his heart, his own flesh and blood! And just get away with it!

Yet you had insisted that getting a proper education outdated your safety. Oh the night you’d explained that truely baffled the playboy. He’d shouted, screamed, begged, pleaded and even sobbed for the first time in his entire life. The man even tried to bribe you with money and a car. Begging wasn’t his style, but knowing that your life was at risk id you went back to that hell hole was enough to make him stoop to the lowest of the low. Well not just any car, he’d promised that once you were old enough to finally drive a car that he’d let you learn how to drive in his Beamer. That in itself was a humongous deal for Ransom, especially since his Beamer was his beloved car. That should have worked! It had in the past. He couldn’t even count on two hands how many promises he had made to you in the past in order to get you to do soemthing that he wanted you to do. Yet none of his bribes had worked. You had still disobeyed his wishes and gone to school the very next day like he’d told you not to.

So when he had received the phone call from your school at around 11:30 am informing him that there had been an incident involving you and that disgusting excuse a bully, he couldn’t help but automatically expect the worst possible outcome. After all, what else could happened. Yet what he was wasn’t at all what he was expecting.

“Y/n what the hell happened?” Ransom questioned as he raced towards you, crashing through the front doors of the private school as he did, staring you right in the eyes once he had knelt down to your height. “She wouldn’t stop...I told her to stop hurting me but....but she wouldn’t” you sobbed out, Ransoms Eyes narrowed in concern at the sight of you crying in front of him. Never had he ever seen you cry so much in his 16 years of being a parent.

“What did she do?” He could have sworn that venom had began seeping from his mouth as he anxiously swayed your reply. All the whilst gently brushing the pad of his thumb across your swollen and blood knuckles, evidence of the investable. Had you finally stood up for yourself? Hope began to make itself evident in hide eyes, still awaiting your reply that could determine his reaction.

You struggled, truely struggled for the second time in your life to even explain to your father what had happened. Too afraid that her laugh at your or even call you pathetic once he learned what truely went on. But you had to tell him. You just had to.

He was patient with you, staying knelt one front of you despite the tinge of uncomfortable pain that was sneaking it’s way up his legs. But a rear formed in the males eye, threatening to spill at the sound of your pain filled voice breaking as you began to explain the horrors of what had really happened. “S...she cornered me.....in the hallway......and began......punching me again.....” that explained the fresh bruises forming on you face. The ones that made Ransom cringe. “She.......she kept on laughing......as she hurt me....almost as if she was enjoying causing me pain.....and I couldn’t take it anymore.....” That more then ever began to fill Ransom with a sense of dread mixed with hope that you had finally stuck up for yourself. Yet he was overwhelmingly terrified for you to finish explaining the rest of what had happened “she looked to smug that I just......I......I don’t know what came over me.....but I punched her back......in the face actually.......probably not my best move”

Ransom sighed in relief as he listened to your words, a slight smile on his face as he lent up, slowly placing a kiss to your forehead before placing his hand over your bruised cheek. Honestly he couldn’t have been prouder of you for finally defending yourself. Yes you only punched your attacker but that was enough to satisfy Ransom that you truely were his kid. Even if it took you this long to fight back he was still proud. “Look at me baby” he whispered, trying to get your attention by just rubbing the pad of his thumb against your beaten cheek.

But you didn’t dare look up at him. Too scared that he’d laugh at you. So he just continued “hey? Y/n? Come on look at me. I’m not mad. In fact this is just more proof that you truely are my flesh and blood. I’m proud of you Y/n you did good.” He praised, which of course confused you. Why was he happy you punched someone? Wouldn’t any normal parent be angry that their child had relatilated to something that could have been minor if she hadn’t attacked back? Then again Ransom wasn’t any normal parent. I’m fact he was far from it. Which was why you loved him.

“You’re not mad at me?” You questioned, lifting your head ever so slightly so that your teary eyes were staring back into Ransoms. That tinge in his heart couldn’t be more prominent if it tried. Seeing you so broken was enough to cause the tears in his eyes to finally fall. That’s right, the usually tough as nails playboy was crying because of how proud he was of you. . “Of course I’m not mad baby, you did good fighting back. I know I should be teaching you to be kind to everyone but that bitch deserved what she got” he spoke, just staring at you for a few minutes before pulling you into his arms and just holding you. In that moment he would have done whatever it took to keep you safe. Once again vowing to to do whatever it was that he could do to protect you.

“Can we go home?....I don’t wanna be here anymore. Just wanna go home” you informed, as you slowly looked up to you dad, making a mental note of the softer side to him since you actually quite enjoyed the hugs he would give you. “Yeah....come on let’s go, I’ll buy you McDonald’s on the way home. You deserve it after sticking up for yourself.” The male offered as he placed one more gentle kiss to her forehead, running his fingers carefully through the soft curls of your hair with a smile on his. After one more second of basking in the glory of hold you, his beloved daughter, in his arms he finally pulled away. Grasping your hand in his and pulling you up out of the chair in one quick swoop. “Jesus you’re heavy” he joked happily beginning to walk away.

However, just before he could even think about leaving the hell hall you called school, the sound of your Principal’s began to echo through the halls. “Mr Drysdale may I please have a word with you in private?” Oh this couldn’t be good.

“Depends what this word will entail” Ransom fired back, a smug look on his face as he held you close to him, not daring to let go.

“Mr Drysdale this is a rather serious ma-“

“Yeah yeah whatever, I’m coming. Keep it quick, I promised my daughter a McDonald’s” Ransom spoke, cutting him off half way since he really didn’t have time for the principals bullshit, especially when he would much rather be comforting you like he’d promised. Soon the playboy let go of you, whispering ‘wait here’ into your ear before following the other male into his office.

“So…” Ransom began, raking it upon himself to get comfortable on the large sofa like chair which was pushed against the back wall of the insanely boring office “to what do I owe the pleasure?” he mocked, clearly not wanting to be ther at all just from the glare in his eyes.

“Mr Dr—“

“First of all stop addressing me like that! If you’re going to talk to me then at least call me Hugh. You’re not the help you’re the one in charge of this shithole that my daughter has been terrified of for months now! And second of all like I said, keep this quick. It’s best for both of us if we don’t speak for long” He growled rapidly growing more irriateted by the second. This was the side to Ransom that everyone saw, no was safe from the rage. No one…apart from you. He’d never raise his voice at you, not unless he needed to.

“Mr Drys—“

“Hugh!”

“Hugh” the male began, taking time to let out a frustrated sigh and rubbing at his face slowly before continuing “I’m not keen on your tone!”

Once again Ransom just couldn’t help himself, the sheer anger in his expression was hard to miss by a mile away, even people on the other side of the campus would be able to notice the painful rage seeping through. Oh this auta be fun.“Well deal with it, because as far as I’m concerned I’m not keen on you as a person. So get talking before I walk out of here. In case you’ve forgotten my traumatised daughter is waiting for me outside!” He hissed angrily.

“I beg your pardon? Your daughter is hardly innocent in this. Y/n fractured my daughters nose!” The principal snarled, finding it hard to stay professional now due to the fact that This particular meeting involved his own daughters safety. This man wasn’t concerned for anyone else apart from that asshole that had being abusing you for months on end. And it was really starting to anger Ransom. But for now he kept his cool, or at least attempted to. “I’m sorry Mr Drysdale! But I have no other choice but to expel your daughter, she is clearly a risk to other people’s safety. According to my daughter Y/n had has been bullying her for months. She’s petrified. Do you really think I can tolirate that at my school?” Oh that was all that had needed to be said for Ransom to go spiriting over the edge of rage and into total utter destruction mode. If it weren’t for the fact that you were outside ‘patiently’ waiting for him he would have killed the man in front of him long ago. But he couldn’t...he just couldn’t risk leaving you. So this was the next best thing. However, the words that spilled from his lips had come to a shock to himself too.

“That’s Hugh to you and you called me down here for that? Look, imma level with you. it’s a shitty world out there and what my daughter did I can assure you it wasn’t bullying, maybe your daughter needs to buck up and get used to her feelings being hurt because I can assure you she’ll get it much worse if she doesn’t!” he threatened, his eyes widening with range and his fists clasping shut as he attempted to hold himself back. Admittedly Ransom has never been so angry, yet what he had just been told had caused him to enter that state of dangerously calm. Trust me, you never wanna see that side to him. “Oh and for your information, that little sweetheart daughter of yours is the one bullying my daughter, maybe you don’t know your daughter as well as you thought you did! Now if you don’t mind, not that I care, i will be going back to y/n now.” And with that Ransom stood up, exiting the room before the other could even bother to speak again.

“Right y/n! Let’s go to McDonald’s, but whatever you want. You know what buy the whole damn restaurant if you see fit, it’s not like I couldn’t afford it. Go nuts. My treat” he exhaled, strolling over to you and kissing you head again before literally scooping you up into his arms and walking out of the school. Your dad truly was the best.

Tag list: @cevans-fics @jtargaryen18 @et-lesailes @chuckbass-love

A/n: So like many of you wanted, I have decided to create a second part to Promises since there are so many more things that I wanted to cover that I just didn’t think a oneshot would do justice. Originally I had planned to only make it a oneshot but since you guys seem to like this so much I decided I might as well give it another chapter. Although this definitely is only going to be a mini series and could just be seen as a 2 or 3 parter. Depending on how I feel after this chapter comes out. I would also just like to point out that once I go back to college I will be spending less time on tumblr so my fics May become less frequent. But I promise you I don’t plan on leaving this platform anytime soon. It’s only a 2 parter for now but maybe if this takes off just like the first one did I will make it longer. But for now I’m just sticking with 2 parts.

#chris evans #chris evans cute #chris evans hot #daddy! chris evans #his laugh though 🥺 #chris evans sexy #chris evans characters #chris evans x reader #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale x female reader #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x 16 year old reader

[mesh-3arfa]

Something I noticed among people in my university is how they try so hard to seem progressive because it also means they’re modern, so much so that they never really stop to think about what they’re saying outside a passive aggressive “LET PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY WANT” mentality.

I feel like this could also extend past university and just any educated person on social media from Egypt, it’s so weird actually, they recycle arguments from America without ever trying to reach past their bubble to explain why x y z should be normalised. The result is turning people away from their cause since it’s seen as A Western Thought. It’s very annoying because it ranges from feminism to LGBTQ+ rights to racism. They also adopt the same insufferable attitudes present on the anglo-sphere online and mix it in with the “3o2det el 5awaga” mentality , thinking themselves as being morally superior and more connected with the West better than the lower class who are just a bunch of phobic people.

#writings

[animerunner]

What Happened Is Not Right And That’s Okay (Chapter 2)

Ao3

Link to Chapter 1 Fandom: The Owl House Rating: T Warnings For this Chapter: Dehumanization, ableism, possible borderline gaslighting, and parental ignorance/neglect possibly bordering on child abuse.  Relationships: Eda Clawthorne & Lilith Clawthorne, Eda Clawthorne & Eda Clawthorne’s Mother, Eda Clawthorne & Principal Bump (additional relationships to be added as the story progresses. Summary:Living with a curse was never a simple task. And really from day one Eda knew it was going to be complicated. But she can't help but wonder at times. Just why hers has to be this complicated.

In short: An Exploration of what life might have been like for Eda growing up with the curse. AN: Hey there so what story is basically what it says on the tin. With some creative liberty of course.

Something to keep in mind is that this story progresses: 1. Explore Eda's character and others in response to the curse 2. Help myself explore and come to terms with my own Chronic Illness 3. Help educate others who aren't as familiar with disabilities on the realities of the situation. This one is important to me since the fandom can have an ableism issue. And I would like for readers to maybe take away why the use of certain tropes is a lot worse than they might realize. 4. This story is not meant to be either tragedy or inspiration porn.  5. I've only really begun interacting with the disability community in the last few years. So if I do a misstep its unintentional ignorance. Which I realize is not great either. I just want to make clear my intent is not malicious. If someone else who is in the community in some form be it Neurotypical, disabled, chronically ill, etc. sees something questionable within the story that comes off as unintentionally ableist please tell me. I would be happy to clarify if the plot beat was unintentional (and fix it) or somehow deals with the story itself. Which will happen sometimes. 6. Some of this is based on my own experience. Some of it is not. The parents issue this chapter is a good example of it not being based on my own experience. 

This story will touch on some topics that might be sensitive to some readers. I will include warnings . If your sensitive to the topic please keep that in mind before starting it. Also please bear in mind that not all chapters will have the same element. So while one chapter might have one issue, the other might not. A good example of this is an arc I will be exploring later in the story involving ableism in sports. 

For anyone who wasn’t around for the first chapter. This was originally inspired by @beckyarteest​‘s fic before it went off and became its own quasi multi chapter AU (I am bad at sticking to canon compliance): I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.

Anyways Actual story is under the read more. Ao3 link is at the top. Please let me know what you think!

One day turned into two and two turned quickly into a week. And after that with no real sign of the ‘curse’ resurfacing, Eda had actually started to think that maybe everyone else was right.

Maybe whatever had happened that day was just a one off thing. 

Unfortunately, reality had made that hope come crashing down just over two weeks after “the duel that wasn’t” with Lilith.

                                                  =============

Eda wouldn’t remember the moment that would properly change everything about her life.

Though, she guessed that wasn’t entirely accurate. Considering the biggest moment had happened a week prior was when she had been supposed to be vying for an Emperor’s Coven spot against Lily. The day of her first transformation.

However the incident in potions class, the moment they now knew this was almost certainly not just a one off incident like they had been hoping? That was the moment it became all too real for Eda. 

Even if it would be a while longer before it became real for the rest of the family. That was the day reality started to sink in for Eda. As it was the day that she knew at least to an extent that her life wasn’t going to ever be the same.

It would also be her first gateway into the many, many issues that came with the curse. Whether it be other people’s treatment of her cursed form, right or wrong, or just still having people take her seriously in the beginning. 

Something that would be a recurring struggle she would have to deal with in the coming years.

Much like the duel, she would only be told what had happened afterward. The entire time she was transformed she wasn’t even aware of what was going on. 

It was something that would over time become  associated with fear and worry. At the time though, for an Eda who was still in denial, it was more of a source of annoyance. 

Eda didn’t like that she had to rely on other people to necessarily do ‘the right thing’. Especially since in both instances so far it nearly hadn’t ended in her favor.

Thankfully of all people it was apparently Principle Bump who came to her rescue. Seeing reason when one of the other teachers had tried to suggest handing her off to the head of the Beast Keeping classes for the time being... 

Bump scowled at that not particularly liking the way this conversation was going, “She is still a student. A transformed one but one nonetheless. Unless she starts attacking someone there is no reason to be summoning Arden.”

Sure, he may not be particularly fond of Eda’s antics at times. Sometimes he wished that the entire Clawthorne dynamic wasn’t like how it was. It was a source of many of his headaches.

But that did not mean he supported putting Eda in a cage.

Even if she wasn’t in her right mind currently, she was still a student. And she wasn’t being aggressive. Honestly, this other form so far hasn't been aggressive at all. Though who was to say that wouldn’t change?

He was more than a bit concerned with how little they knew. However, there was one thing he was certain on: that forcing her into a cage would make things worse, not better.

Not that he particularly liked the idea even before you factored in the fact that they’d be caging a student.

“So what do you suggest we do with her then, sir? Leaving her out could cause property damage.”

Which, arguably, was more Eda than anything else. 

“Put her in my office and call a healer. Hopefully someone will know what to do to get her to transform back.”

“Sir, I must protest. Putting her with you could put you-”

Bump cut the other teacher off before he could continue. “I didn’t become the principal of this institution by sitting on my thumbs Marcus. I am more than capable of handling an unruly student. Even if she has been transformed into another creature.”

Not that he genuinely thought handling would be an issue.

                                                 =============

“So what your saying is neither of you can help.”

 Bump had ended up summoning both a healer and grabbing DeFrost anyway. Hoping maybe one of them would know how to solve their issue. 

 “I apologize, sir. But I’m used to dealing with minor curses. Things of inconvenience mostly. Under normal circumstances, I would refer this student to a specialist. This is way beyond my own capabilities to treat.”

 And of course, they couldn’t do that without involving the Clawthorne parents. Who he had tried to alert when Edalyn had transformed again. But they had both been busy and he had yet to hear anything from them yet.

 “And I’ve never seen a creature quite like this. Cursed or otherwise. I could possibly see if I have anything discussing something similar to Ms. Clawthorne. However...”

 “Most likely Edalyn will have transformed back by then.” Bump concluded.

 So apparently they were dealing with not just a curse. But a rare curse. Great. 

 Why was it that nothing involving the Clawthornes was just plain and simple?

 “At the very least can you tell me if she’s any sort of danger?”

 That way he could have his staff stop bothering him.

 DeFrost adjusted their glasses. “Well it's hard to say without knowing the curse or how it impacts her mind. But based on normal cursed creature behavior most likely she won’t be a danger to anyone unless she’s provoked. However there’s still a lot of questions there...”

 “Like what could provoke her.”

“Exactly.” DeFrost  nodded. “Sir, I know you said you could handle if anything happened but-”

“I can handle myself just fine Arden. I appreciate your concern but if I need your help again I will ask for it.”

“Understood sir.” DeFrost agreed reluctantly. Before taking their leave.

“Am I dismissed as well sir?”

“No. Actually I wanted to ask. I know you can’t help her return to normal. But I imagine the transformation back won’t be easy on her. Is there anything we can do to ease that at least?”

“Well yes. But that would normally involve the family…”

“I’ll handle anything that might come if they protest. This is already a difficult time for Edalyn. Let's not make it worse.”

                                                =============

Thankfully time really was all they needed for Eda to transform back. 

Though rather than answering his questions and possible suspicions. Eda’s return to awareness just raised even more of them in their steed.

“Welcome back Edalyn. How are you feeling?”

“Like an icicle is trying to drive a hole into my skull,” Eda said, wincing again rubbing the right side of her head. “What happened?” 

“I believe that you will probably want this, then.” Bump rather than answer the question slid the potion that the healer had left for Eda when she finally returned to normal. “The healers figured you might have one after you transformed back.” Bump explained as Eda downed the bottle.

Eda frowned as she put the bottle down again. Now that the pain was receding she could think a bit more clearly. And realize that she couldn’t think of a reason for why she would be in the office in the first place. “Back? Wait was I-”

“Transformed into that creature from the duel? Yes.”

“I didn’t even realize it,” Eda noted with a frown. Much like the last time everything was just a giant blank from right before she transformed. Which worried her on another level. Why was she unable to remember anything from when the spell, curse, whatever it was took effect?. “I didn’t hurt anyone did I?” 

“No everyone got out of your minor escapade without a scratch.” Bump assured her. Deciding to leave off the near incident with DeFrost and the cages for the moment. It wasn’t like he hadn’t specifically told them not to get the Beast Keeping professor involved. 

Eda sighed in relief. “That’s good at least.” 

“So you really aren’t aware of what happened after you transformed? I take it?”

“No, the last thing I remember is being in the potions classroom. And then waking up here. Everything between the two is a blank.” Eda’s face scrunched up in a frown. There was a bit of a tangible residue of some sort of memory. But she still didn’t know the relevance of it. “Mother’s going to kill me for missing class.”

“I would have thought you might be somewhat pleased by the new attention.”

After all that had been a reason behind some of Eda’s pranks over the years. Though sometimes Bump wondered just how much Eda realized this herself.

“Not like this.”

“Either way I’ll write a note. In the meantime you really should have a specialist check you.”

Eda winced. “That’s probably going to be easier said than done.” 

“If it comes to it, the same offer I made to your sister when she was being given difficulty by them I’ll extend to you. If you need someone to help you get seen about this curse then I can try to help you find someone that your parents won’t cause problems with.”

Eda winced remembering the fiasco that had been trying to get her sister her glasses. There was an unfortunate high probability history could repeat itself. She really hoped her parents had maybe learned. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you Principal Bump.”

“Your welcome.”

Eda’s unusual politeness wasn’t lost on him. Go figure the most polite conversation he had ever had with Edalyn was because of a curse.

Maybe he should have tried a different tactic with the youngest Clawthorne?

Too late to fix that now he supposed.                                                 =============

Any small hope for Eda that maybe her parents would take it seriously when she got home. And not try to toss it again under ‘something else’ didn’t last longer than five minutes after her mother got home. 

“Clawthornes don’t get cursed.”

“But-” Eda began to try and protest. Absentmindedly scratching her wrists. While most of the pain had subsided with the potion Bump had given her, there were still some residual aches and pains from the transformation.

Just like last time in fact. 

“End of discussion. I will not entertain this absolutely absurd discussion. Let alone the idea of taking you to a specialist.”

Eda scowled, not ready to back down without a fight. “If it's just a spell then why did it happen a second time?”

“I don’t know Edalyn, maybe someone thought they should continue the lesson.”

Eda opened her mouth to try and continue the argument. Only to have her mother disappear through the door, slamming it shut behind her. 

“But I haven’t even done anything this past week.” Eda muttered to herself.

After the first idea of it being a curse had gotten into her head. She had decided to try and be better. The transformation had hurt! She hadn’t wanted to go through it again. 

So as difficult as it had been she had hung up her pranking supplies. For now at least until whoever was angry with her cooled down.

If this really was because of a prank. Then someone was really vindictive was all she could say.

Either way whatever caused it wasn’t really the problem anymore. It was figuring out what to do next before the curse resurfaced a third time.  

Normally she would have turned to Lily for guidance. But her sister was away at training. Meaning it was her against her parents. And she had no clue how to handle it from there.  

It had always been them against the world. Even when that world sometimes included their own parents. 

With the one person who may have understood their complex family dynamic gone. With her having no idea when she would see Lily again. She had no one to turn to. 

Sure, Bump had once said that if she needed help to come to him. But this felt like a bit of a reach. 

Maybe it was for the best to leave it alone for now. Maybe if it happened again her parents would take it seriously.

She knew that the likelihood of that happening was probably small, but what else could she even do at this point?

Her parents' reaction, while infuriating, was not entirely unexpected. And it was even less likely to change if her childhood was anything to go by. Since, if it was something that made the Clawthorne’s imperfect, then it was not to be acknowledged. Even if it impacted their own children. 

And if there was anything that indicated an ‘imperfection’ it was having a curse on a child. 

Titan knew how it had been a fight to get Lily her glasses. Eda couldn’t even begin to imagine how complicated things might be if this was something far more sinister than getting your sight corrected.

She guessed if she needed too she could try looking for care on her own. She was old enough now that she didn’t need her parents there at a healer’s appointment. But then again the fall out from going to a doctor when she didn’t have her own source of income.

Well it would be a mess. 

Why did this have to be so complicated?

#the owl house #toh #the owl house fanfiction #eda clawthorne #disability representation

[goddessofeternity]

Love Amidst the Darkness

Chapter 12: Allied Kingdoms

The following weeks in the palace were quiet and uneventful, the attack at the tournament was still fresh in the minds of the king and queen. So, Queen Hestia traveled to the far kingdom of Kastria to seek help from their southern allies. The lush forests and swamps were a sight to behold in the kingdom of Kastria. Queen Hestia peered out the window of her carriage as her advisors spoke beside her. The kingdom of Kastria was different from every other kingdom she traveled to. While other kingdoms were built on stone and fine bricks, Kastria was not. Most of the homes were built in trees and made out of branches and other earthly materials. The people of Kastria lived off the land around them. The only pieces of architecture that were made from stone and brick was the palace, their place of worship, and places of shelter from their seasonal storms. The climate was quite hot here, even though Melodia was starting to get chilly. As such, queen Hestia found herself in a summer dress, with a thin shawl over her shoulders. Her long hair was slicked back in a ponytail, a modest crown on her head. Queen Hestia rolled back her shoulders as the carriage pulled up to the front of the palace. Stepping out, she was greeted with flowers and welcomes from the people. 

 “Thank you….thank you so much…” Queen Hestia smiled graciously as she accepted the flowers. The people of Kastria were always so gracious.

 “Welcome to the kingdom of Kastria, Queen Hestia,” a guard bowed to her. “The emperor and empress are eagerly awaiting your arrival. Allow me to escort you to the throne room. Please follow me.”

 “Of course lead the way.”

 Walking down the long halls, Queen Hestia gazed at the paintings of the emperors and empresses of the past. There were many great men and women but were a problem in the past. Queen Hestia could remember clearly when the current empress' ancestor had tried to conquer Melodia over 290 years ago.

♛ 

 “Our emperor demands that you surrender your kingdom to him, or face the destruction of all you hold dear.” The messenger looked at the royals' reactions carefully. “You have one day to answer this message.”

 “I will answer this message now.” King Kyros rose from his throne angrily. He walked toward the messenger and glared down at him. Fire rose from the ground in his anger, the messenger flinched away from the intense heat. “Tell your emperor that I will not surrender my kingdom! I hereby declare war on the empire of Kastria! May the gods have mercy on the bloodshed that will be spilled between us. Now get out of my sight.”

  The messenger quickly retreated to relay the message, almost tripping over his own feet.  King Kyros sighed deeply as he looked back at his wife. Her worried expression softened his features considerably. Walking back to her, he gently kissed her hand and sat back on his throne.

 “Kyros….war….I never thought it would come to this.” Queen Hestia sighed sadly. “Why couldn’t the emperor just accept our messages of peace? War is never good for either side, it just brings pain and death.”

 “Sometimes to bring about peace...there must be war,” King Kyros gently explained, patting his wife’s hand. “We have tried many times to reach out, but it appears the emperor is past mere words.” 

 “I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I, my queen.” He kissed her head tenderly as he stood back up. “I must ready the soldiers at once...we mustn't delay.”

 “Kyros…”

 “Hmmm?”

 “I don’t want to bring a child into this.”

 “Hestia....we talked about this. A child isn’t necessary for us, you know that. The fact that either of us exists is strange. Two phoenixes….Hestia we live forever. My grandfather had my father because he was bored. I have no grandmother or even a mother. They are probably long gone. My father had me because he wanted a child, yes...but he didn’t want to rule anymore.”

 “I know I know Kyros it’s just...it’s always on my mind.” Queen Hestia sighs sadly. “Ophelia told me that she and Zacharias have thought about it. They are gonna try one day.”

 “Hestia...we are the only phoenixes on the entire planet. I fell so madly in love with you, you are the most perfect woman on this planet. We ourselves are a symbol of love, a child just...Hestia we don’t need to.”

 “......” Queen Hestia stood from her throne, looking away from him. “Very well my king...I have a meeting to attend to.”

 “Hestia-”

 “You have an army to prepare Kyros.” She states coldly. “I will see you at dinner.” 

 The king let out a frustrated sigh as she walked away. The hurt in her voice broke his heart. He quickly set out to prepare. This was a conversation that he knew would just continue another day. For now, he set about preparing for a bloody war that would last for the next 30 years.

♛

 “Welcome to Kastria, Your Majesty.”

 Queen Hestia tore away from her thoughts as the emperor and empress sat before her. Queen Hestia gestured for the guards to bring forth her gifts. New medicines, herbs, flowers, and different books for education. 

 “It is always a pleasure to see you both Your Imperial Majesties.” A noise at the base of the thrones drove queen Hestia’s gaze downward. Like Dragleic, the kingdom of Kastria’s residents were also in the company of large companions. A lion and his lioness were nestled at the feet of the emperor and empress. The large predators were making grunts at her and walked towards her. Queen Hestia smiled and knelt down as they brushed against her and licked her hands. Normally these magnificent beasts would be aggressive, but around their masters and people they trust, they were like kittens. Speaking of kittens, Rion and Lyna, the lion and lioness respectively, had four kittens playing under the thrones. 

 “It is always wonderful to have you here Your Majesty.” Empress Yvette smiled kindly as she adjusted herself in her seat. “We have your room prepared if you’d like to rest before we have our discussion.”

 “Yes please rest the journey here is quite long,” Emperor Klein says as he stands and walks toward her. “We can speak later into the evening after dinner.”

 “Thank you...I think I will rest for a bit.”

  “Tia!”

 Everyone looked to the far left door as a young boy ran into the throne room holding a fifth lion cub in his arms. His tousled blond hair suggested he just woke from his sleep. A few maids were chasing behind him frantically and out of breath. The young prince ran up to Hestia excitedly and she knelt and held her arms open to him. He jumped at her with a bit of force and she let out a small breath as she lifted him and the cub up. She adjusted them both as he giggled and held onto her tightly. 

  “Good morning Your Highness.”

  “Morning!”

 “Matteo...you mustn't run from your maids and you are still in your night clothes.” Emperor Klein sighs as he looks at his son. “Queen Hestia is tired from her journey, she has to rest my son.”

 “No! Tia has to play with me!” Matteo pouted adorably as he buried his face in her neck. Queen Hestia chuckled lightly as he held on tighter. 

 “It’s quite alright...I enjoy seeing the young prince.” Queen Hestia smiles as she sets the cub down. “It has been some time since I was last in Kastria.”

 “Yes but he needs to learn his manners.”

 “Klein let him be...he’s only three years old...let him be a child.” Queen Hestia and emperor Klein both look to the throne as Empress Yvette stands. Queen Hestia’s eyes widen as she takes in her appearance. The empress was pregnant again although it was small, her stomach was slightly protruding. “Besides it has been quite some time since he has seen her. If she wants to entertain him I don’t see the harm.”  

 “Oh! You...if I had known I would have brought more gifts.” Queen Hestia says as Matteo jumps from her arms to run to his mother. “Congratulations to you both.”

 “Thank you for your kind words but…” Emperor Klein looks at his wife apprehensively as she holds her stomach. “We haven’t let out an official announcement yet since…”

 “Since our past miscarriages..” Empress Yvette finishes sadly. “We just want to make sure and not get our peoples hopes up or our own.”

 “Yes of course I understand.” The royals of Kastria were very unfortunate in the child rearing area. The empress had two miscarriages before Matteo was born. She also suffered from terrible morning sickness, and was bedridden for months. Queen Hestia felt incredibly bad for Empress Yvette, she was lucky enough to have Althea without much issues. The world could be very unkind to those who have done no wrong. Queen Hestia said nothing further as she continued to converse with Emperor Klein. After being shown to her temporary bedroom, queen Hestia sighed deeply. She hated having to tell them about a potential threat after so many years of peace. With the empress pregnant, it made telling the news harder. Stressing her out could cause her to miscarry. It was a hard task, but regardless she had to do it. So after resting for a few hours and eating dinner, Queen Hestia joined the royals on a balcony overlooking their empire. Pulling her shawl around herself tighter, Queen Hestia sat beside the royal couple. Although the sun was setting, a few rays of sunlight were still beaming. Hestia reached a hand out and pulled the warm rays onto herself and the royal couple.

 “It is always amazing to see you do that.” Empress Yvette sighed as she enjoyed the last few minutes of heat the sun provided.

 “Yes it does have its uses.” Queen Hestia snapped her fingers and set alight candles that were sitting on the balcony. 

 “I’d imagine being a Phoenix is spectacular,” Emperor Klein chuckled as he pulled his wife close. “Being able to soar in the clouds and make fire...it's all very extraordinary.”

 “I might take a morning flight before I head back home.” She smiled at the couple as the emperor rubbed his wife’s stomach. “Kastria is very quiet...I’m surprised by that.”

 “Everyone is preparing for a storm. The cats are restless so we are taking precautions.”

 “If we can help with anything please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  “Of course thank you….” The three of them sat in comfortable silence watching as torches lit up on the empire’s streets. People were still walking about and laughing with neighbors. Children chased after cubs and more big cats lounged in trees.

 “Hestia...what’s wrong?”

 Queen Hestia blinked out of her thoughts as she looked at Empress Yvette. Hearing the worry in her voice made her uneasy. She looked at emperor Klein and they both looked worried.

 “We heard of the attack at the tournament...we never got much details of what happened. I feel as though you have something terrible to speak with us about.”

 “Is Melodia in danger? Are we in danger?” Emperor Klein’s demeanor changed as he frowned.

 “I do have news to speak of. I just don’t wish to put stress upon you Yvette. I would hate if the issues in my kingdom cause...something unfortunate.”

 “We appreciate your concern up Hestia,” Empress Yvette smiled and relaxed into her chair. “Honestly I always feel a bit of stress, especially with a storm coming soon. If your news is worrying your kingdom then it will also be the concern of ours.”

 “If you and Kyros need assistance of any kind then we shall back you up. Your family is more than just our allies, you are trusted friends.”

 Queen Hestia sighed deeply as she looked at her dear friends. In her heart she hoped that maybe the threat was dealt with when the creature was slain, but that was just a foolish thought. Her visions proved otherwise...her vision showed a greater threat to her family and kingdom. If it wasn’t stopped then it would be the end for them all.

 “At our tournament...it was infiltrated and attacked by a single man. He looked sickly and weak, but he had somehow made it quite far into the tournament. One of the knights fighting him drew his blood, and that was when he transformed into a grotesque creature. It killed many of our soldiers and almost...it….it almost killed Althea. I was leaving the arena with her and Ophelia and the children, and it killed the knight traveling with her.”

 “Oh Hestia! I am so glad she is alright now.” Yvette held a hand over her heart as she leaned back. She placed her hand on her stomach and Klein put his hand over hers. 

 “How did you kill this creature?” Klein asked with clenched teeth. His grip had tightened on his wife’s hand as she patted his to calm him down.

 “I killed it…” Hestia held out her palm, a small fire formed in the center. Klein and Yvette could feel the intense heat as she compressed it. “I set it alight with the hottest flame I could muster. I was so afraid that Althea had been killed that I charged right for it.”

 “So they can be killed with flames…” Klein stood and paced around the balcony. “Do you believe that there are other means to battle this creature?”

 “I think so...I’m positive that it can be killed in other ways. Its blood soaked appearance when it reached us told me enough. It was also quite sluggish.” Yvette sighed and sipped her water and her lioness Lyna slinked up with a cub in her powerful jaws. Matteo was holding her tail and rubbing his eyes. 

 “Matteo…” Klein sighed as he lifted his son into his arms. “You are a terror to put to sleep son.”

 Yvette and Hestia smiled and laughed at the young prince. Especially when he tried to fight his growing sleepiness. He played with Lyna and her cub and Yvette patted his unruly hair as he giggled and laughed. “I wish to apologize again for bringing such awful news to you both…”

 “You’ve warned us about an incredible danger...I know you were worried about informing me, but I will be fine and I’ll be better when we have properly prepared ourselves.” Yvette looked over the empire as the people started to retire for the night. Hestia smiled as Matteo climbed into her lap and immediately fell asleep, she ran her fingers through his hair as he drifted off. “Klein I wish to speak with Hestia alone for a bit, we can put Matteo to bed.”

 “Are you sure? I’d rather you get some sleep…” Yvette smiled and laughed at his worry.

 “I will join you in our bed soon my lion…” The couple exchanged a few more words before they kissed and Klein left. Hestia stood and carefully handled Matteo as she walked the halls with Yvette. 

 “There is something else that is bothering you…” Hestia looked at Yvette with a frown. “You seem a bit distracted. You’re worried about what is going to happen aren’t you.”

 “Yes I...if what happened at the tournament can be avoided...then I wish to make sure that we are prepared. I also want that for our friends.” Hestia shook her head as she laid Matteo down on his bed. Turning toward Yvette, Hestia rubbed her temples. “I’m sorry for the sudden news. I would hope that next we meet I’ll have better news.”

 “Regardless, Hestia...we appreciate your concern and I hope that we can stop this problem before it even begins.”

 “I do as well Yvette...I hope Kyros is having more luck with the empire in the east.” Yvette agreed as they left Matteo’s room to chat. Hestia grew a bit worried as she thought about her husband. Their allies to the east were closed off and rarely communicated with them. They were a mystery to the other allied kingdoms as well. They remained friendly enough, but their behavior was concerning. Nevertheless, Kyros and Hestia agreed that it was best to inform them of any approaching danger. Time would only tell how they would take the news.

♛

 King Kyros tapped his chin while he looked outside his carriage window. The palace was a mighty sight to behold. The curved roofs and tall towers soared high in the air. Red trees were sprinkled all throughout the roads. The people stopped and stared as they gazed upon his carriage. King Kyros watched as blacksmith sold their wares and others pulled heavy carts along the road. As the carriage pulled up to the palace, Kyros narrowed his eyes a bit as an entire guard was lined up to see him. Letting out a breath, Kyros stepped down from the carriage with slow movements.

 “Welcome to the Chowa Empire, King Kyros. I am General Honghui. I will escort you to meet our leader.” 

 “It is a pleasure to meet you General. I look forward to meeting and speaking with the leader of your land.” The general looked at the king with a calculated gaze before he led him into the palace. King Kyros took the time to notice a distinct feature about the inhabitants. Each person had the ears and tail of an animal species. The general seemed to have the features of a tiger and most of the guards had dog and cat features. He smiled to himself as he thought of all the mysteries that the world of Edrion held even still. Walking into a large circular room, Kyros was greeted with a woman with dark brown hair tied up immaculately, and a sword by her side. She gripped it tightly as she narrowed her eyes at him, her tiger striped ears and tail twitched at his movements. The guards took their places around the room and Kyros had his gifts brought in.  King Kyros looked around looking for the emperor that he had exchanged many letters with, but only laid eyes on the woman.

 “Greetings King Kyros...are you looking for the emperor? You will not find one, because I am the one you have been speaking with. I am the empress of Chowa.”

 “Oh? This is a turn of events...my apologies Your Imperial Majesty. I would have hoped during our alliance that we formed some sort of trust between each other. I have brought gifts and medicine from my kingdom. My wife apologizes for not being able to come to meet you. She had prior business to attend to.”

 “......” She let out a sigh before she turned and walked toward a door behind the throne. “We can speak in here, King Kyros.”  Frowning a bit, he followed her as did the general. The trio entered a small but comfortable sitting room and the empress sat on a chair with the general by her side. Kyros sat across from her but eyed the sword she never seemed to relax her grip on. Clearing his throat, Kyros started the conversation.

 “Your Imperial Majesty, I have come to discuss a grave issue with you. It could possibly impact your empire as well.”

 He didn’t miss the agitated twitch of her tail as her eyes narrowed. “Oh? You could have informed me about this in our letters. You didn’t need to come all the way here to the empire.”

 “Our communication has been scarce. You suddenly stopped communicating with us a few months back. A formal meeting between us has needed to happen for some time. We can’t keep up good relations between each other if we can’t look into the other's eyes. It is the very foundation to be able to look upon each other and build trust.”

 “......” She remained silent as she looked him in the eyes. “You couldn’t possibly want to seek the aid from an empire run by a woman. I’m sure you don’t seek the counsel of your wife…”

 “Why wouldn’t I?” Kyros knew that she was trying to rile him up, but his temper was not so easy to flare. He could only wonder about her hostility though. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second before they narrowed again. “I always seek the counsel of my wife. She gives me some of our greatest ideas. My wife and I rule together, not apart.”

 “.....” She scoffed and drank from a tea cup and she gestured for the general to pour one for king Kyros. Drinking from the cup, he felt that he had to get to the bottom of this.

 “Might I ask why you have been so hostile? I only wish to continue our alliance and speak with you about grave matters. You have not stopped glaring and gripping your sword since we sat down.”

 “I have not been hostile.” Her tail flickered behind her, telling Kyros that he was right. “I grow tired of men telling me how I’m feeling.”

 “I mean no disrespect. I just want to break the tension.”

 “I highly doubt that you-“ The doors behind them suddenly opened and the empress's face grew pale. Kyros stood as a pretty woman with the ears and tail of a red panda stood with a guitar in hand. She looked around the room in surprise and Kyros took the chance to greet her.

 “Hello. I am King Kyros of Melodia. It is lovely to make your acquaintance.”

 “Hello Your Majesty...I..I um...”

 “Liling! What are you doing here?!” Kyros looked at the empress with a raised brow as her hair stood on end. The other woman looked down at the ground as she gripped her guitar tight. Kyros watched the scene carefully as the empress sighed gently before moving towards the woman known as Liling. He watched as the empress whispered soft words of reassurance to her. Her features softened in the presence of Liling and it told him quite the story. The general took notice of King Kyros’s stare and cleared his throat and the woman parted quickly.

 “I think I can see why you have been withdraw from my letters and meetings with my kingdom in person. Traveling with her would be quite the scandal and it would be frowned upon in other places. It would not however, be frowned upon in Melodia.”

 All three of the occupants looked at him in surprise, but the one who reacted quicker was Liling. With a happy bounce in her step, she crossed the room and stood in front of King Kyros. She looked up at him with eyes full of hope and wonder. 

 “Really? Is that true Your Majesty?”

 “Of course. We don’t discriminate about who one chooses to love and cherish. I would have been glad to inform the empress of this if she would have come to my kingdom.”

 “You could just be saying that to appease me and get on my good side. I will not let some foreign king I don’t have a relationship with try and trick me.” 

 “Shall we get to know each other then? Trust and friendship between allies should be forged through conversations and perhaps more tea?” Liling giggled into the sleeve of her gown, while the empress growled and sighed deeply. The general led them to an indoor garden where the empress sat across from them both. Liling quietly strummed her guitar as they were served more tea and snacks. Kyros did not miss the looks the servants gave toward the couple. The general glared at the servants and they scurried away quickly. 

“How about you tell us about what isn’t frowned about in your kingdom, Your Majesty?” The empress was not afraid to speak her mind. She was cautious and she had every right to be. The world could be especially cruel to royals, and having feelings for the opposite gender meant it could only be crueler. “I’m sure your council threw up quite a fuss about “things that are frowned on.”

 “Oh they did...over 200 years ago. My wife and I certainly didn’t let the topic just get brushed under the rug.” The sudden breaking of a guitar string had both royals looking at Liling. Her face flushed fiercely as she tried to fix her string.

 “So..the royal family of Melodia really is immortal. I suppose the same could be said about the ones in Dragleic?”

 “Haha yes. Rise from the ashes and all that. My friend Zacharias wishes that he could rise from the flames like I can. The residents of Dragleic live very long lives and I think their oldest resident might still have a spring in her step.”

 “I would love to visit the other kingdoms some day…” Liling looked at the empress with sad eyes. The empress sighed and patted her lover's hand as her ears drooped. 

 “You both would very much be welcomed in Melodia. My family has many balls and we invite many of our allied friends to come. We are having a gathering in a few weeks actually.”

 “Oh!” Liling looked at the empress with begging eyes and Kyros smiled as she crumbled under her lover’s gaze. “Xiaoli….”

 “I suppose that we can see about visiting…” King Kyros chuckled as Liling clapped her hands excitedly. The empress looked him over with a questioning gaze and furrowed her brows as she spoke to him.

 “I do have a question for you King Kyros…”

 “Yes?”

 “I believe you have a child...a daughter correct?”

 “I do have a daughter, yes….” He raised a brow and crossed his arms, he tensed up a bit when the topic turned to his daughter. “Why?”

 “I was just curious what you would do if she preferred the company of women? Would you push traditional values on her, even in your progressive kingdom?”

 “......” King Kyros silently stared at the empress and realized her little game immediately. She was testing not only his role as a parent, but one as a ruler. One who assured her of something that she was sure he lied about. Empress Xiaoli was a force indeed. “My wife and I would gladly accept whoever our daughter brings into her heart, but I will not deny that some would prefer her to marry a man. To continue the line of succession.”

“If she doesn’t want it? What then? I can’t see the point in a family of phoenixes needing to reproduce…”

“Heh...I told my wife that many years ago, but my daughter has brought such light into our long lives that I wish she had convinced me sooner. As our only heir, she has no choice in the matter unfortunately. She has a duty to her people and she has known this for years, if she was interested in only women, then we would do what we need to make sure she is happy. Believe me when I say that my wife and I always consider what is best for our daughter over everything else.”

“Hmm…” The empress chuckled as she sipped her tea and crossed her legs. “I think I like you Your Majesty. Now then...why don’t we get to the root of this meeting shall we?”

♛

“So...the empress has taken your word on the matter?”

“With much scepticism she did. I believe that she was very wary of me. Her lover Liling took to me quite well though. She was vastly interested in stories about our kingdom and Dragleic. I think you two would get along well my queen.”

“I think we would as well. I think I should start planning for another ball soon.” Queen Hestia smiled as King Kyros kissed her hand as they walked through the palace. The queen had arrived back home a few days before he did, and he was more than happy to come back into her embrace. It also gave him time to relax and destress. The last few weeks had been especially tough, but he didn’t want to worry her or Althea.

“We deserve it with everything that has happened.” Queen Hestia gripped his arm tight and he stopped walking to look at her. “What’s wrong my love?”

“I just worry about Althea. I wonder if she’s really happy….ever since I told her about her fiance and then all that has transpired over the past few weeks. I just worry that she might be a bit depressed-”

“Mother! Father!” The royal couple turned as their daughter ran down the hall with her knights following closely behind her. Althea stopped in front of her parents trying to catch her breath. “I...I heard that you were back, Father! I wanted to greet you but I was wrapped up in other matters!”

“Really now? Does it have anything to do with the flour on your face?” Althea blushed as her mother wiped her cheek. “You were in the kitchens?”

“I um...well maybe. It’s a surprise!” She giggled and her mother visibly relaxed and Kyros rubbed her back as they watched her smile and laugh. She turned to her knights and their playful banter warmed the queen’s heart. It seemed that she didn’t have much to worry about in regards to her daughter’s happiness. The couple only hoped they could preserve her innocence for a bit longer, and that this growing threat would only be a distant memory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next: https://goddessofeternity.tumblr.com/post/653030736268591104/love-amidst-the-darkness

Previous: https://goddessofeternity.tumblr.com/post/648326082220769281/love-amidst-the-darkness

Thanks for reading!

Comments and reblogs are appreciated! Likes are welcomed!

#King Kyros #Queen Hestia #Emperor Klein #Empress Yvette #Prince Matteo #Empress Xiaoli #Liling #Althea #royals #other kingdoms #big cats and beast people #chinese inspired #writing #my writing

[adventure-hearts]

( PART 1: DA + ASTROLOGY )

PART 2: DIGIMON ADVENTURE + MBTI 

Taichi - ESTP Yamato - INFP Sora - ENFJ Koushirou - INTJ Mimi - ESFP Jou - ISTJ Takeru - ENFP Hikari - ISFP Daisuke - ESFP Miyako - ENFP Iori - ISTJ Ken - INFJ

Discussion and Commentary below!

If you’ve read some of my previous headcanons about the MBTI, and in particular this very popular post from four (!) years ago, you may find I’ve changed my mind a lot.

An important thing about this typology (or any other one, really) is that it’s quite easy to just look into some websites and make decisions based on the keywords used to describe each type. Which is what I used to do. Keywords are helpful to help us get the “basic picture” (hence why I quote them in this post), but now I believe that you have to read actual theory in order to understand the subtle differences between each type and make more educated guesses.

Since then, I’ve been reading more deeply into MBTI and the Functions. Consequently, the way I understand the MBTI has changed significantly, and so have my Headcanons.

It’s been particularly interesting to learn about the Inferior Function, or the “dark side” of each personality type. The more I read about it, it became surprising that how it seemed to describe most of the adventure kids’ characters arcs incredibly well. This is another reason why the combination Chosen Children + MBTI is such a fascinating and fun thought exercise!

It should be noted that different authors can have widely different interpretations of types, which is why, for the sake of simplicity and coherence, I’ve only read 3-4 main sources when preparing this post. And I tried stay away from popular MBTI websites and resources that exist around the internet, most which can have a slightly misleading/superficial vision of each type. 

However, this doesn’t mean my HCs are “RIGHT” or that other people can’t have better ideas. I’m as biased about the characters as anyone else. I’d be very happy to hear alternative takes!

***

Taichi - ESTP Dominant function: Se

Flexible and tolerant, they take a pragmatic approach focused on immediate results. Theories and conceptual explanations bore them - they want to act energetically to solve the problem. Focus on the here-and-now, spontaneous, enjoy each moment that they can be active with others. Enjoy material comforts and style. Learn best through doing.

Taichi is pretty easy to type, and most ESTP descriptions fit him nicely. Thompson notes the archetype of ESTP is James Bond and Xena the Warrior Princess; I think the character of Taichi, who represents Courage, fits in the same tradition — a bold, impulsive, adventurous leader who is good at strategizing and is able to make though decisions, but is is also very charismatic and charming.  Taichi’s tendency to become thoughtful, introspective, and indecisive under stress can be explained by the inferior function, Ni.

Yamato - INFP Dominant function: Fi

Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

By contrast, Yamato is always the most difficult to type! I ended up using INFP rather than INFJ, because I think it makes more sense for his dominant function to be Fi (introverted feeling): “Due to the introverted nature of Fi, INFPs’ status as feelers is not always evident from without. When immersed in Fi, they can seem a bit cool, aloof, or indifferent.“ (Drenthe). This type is pretty well representative of Yamato’s caring, passionate and caring side, and especially his conflict during Adventure is beyond, his search for self and meaning. Yamato’s more critical, aggressive, angry, and impetuous side is easily explained by him falling under the influence of the inferior function of this type, Te.

Sora - ENFJ Dominant function: Fe

Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

Another character who’s relatively difficult to type. I see Sora as being in the middle of many of the Preference axis, hence why I initially typed her as something pretty difference different. But now I’m pretty convinced her dominant function is Fe, even though she’s probably only 51% Extroverted. She leans more towards iNtuition than Sensing: Sora’s definitely someone who can pick up things intuitively, especially when it comes to human relationships. So, ESFJ could probably work as well, but I see her as more of an NF type than a SJ type. Sora’s tendency to become hypersensitive, stubborn and withdrawn when under stress? That’s the inferior function, Ti. 

Koushirou - INTJ Dominant function: Ni

Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance - for themselves and others.

This is an example of how learning more about Functions made me change my mind! I believe Koushirou is the text-book definition of INTJ and the Ni function. Koushirou isn’t just someone who thinks — he creates knew knowledge and connects theoretical possibilities. One of the effects of the inferior function of this type, Ni, is an “Obsessive focus on external data”, which means that they can become obsessed with controlling small details, which is what Koushirou tends to do under stress.

Mimi - ESFP Dominant function: Se

Outgoing, friendly, and accepting. Exuberant lovers of life, people, and material comforts. Enjoy working with others to make things happen. Bring common sense and a realistic approach to their work, and make work fun. Flexible and spontaneous, adapt readily to new people and environments. Learn best by trying a new skill with other people.

Mimi is a rather obvious fit for this type, not only with her bubbly and happy exterior, but also her naïveté and compassion towards others (Crest of Purity). 

Jou - ISTJ Dominant function: Si

Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Decide logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized - their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and loyalty.

Jou’s type seems pretty straightforward. The characteristics of this type to fit him (and the Crest of Honesty) very well. The inferior Function of this type is Ni, manifested as impulsiveness and catastrophizing — classic Jou moves whenever he looses his cool.

Takeru - ENFP Dominant function: Ne

Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.

Takeru is REALLY hard to type. Mostly because, just like his brother, he isn’t as transparent as he seems. Behind that charming, open, happy façade, Takeru runs deep. I ended up choosing ENFP is described as the most optimistic of all types (Crest of Hope), and they are very charismatic and inspiring as well. The “dark side” of this type can be hopelessness or depression (see also: tri. Chapter 3!)

Hikari - ISFP Dominant function: Fi

Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what's going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.

Hiakri is another one whose type isn’t obvious, but maybe for different reasons than the other characters I hesitated about — we just don’t see enough of her. I think you can make a strong argument for her being an Intuitive type, but ultimately I think Fi represents her better.

Daisuke - ESFP Dominant function: Se

I know it’s reductive to say Daisuke and Taichi have different personality type, but that’s easy to understand if you see them as being in different stages of type development.

Miyako - ENFP Dominant function: Ne

I’ve always thought Takeru and Miyako are pretty alike, hence why I think they would both fit this type.  

Iori - ISTJ Dominant function: Si

Again, Iori and Jou are pretty alike, although at different stages of their personality development. I could see Iori a ISTP/ISTJ, too — to be fair, I haven’t made up my mind totally about him.

Ken - INFJ Dominant function: Ni

Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.

I’m just going to go and give Ken INFJ, although I’m not entirely sure it is the best fit. Ken is incredibly complex, but Ni seems to describe him fairly well. And certainly, the “dark side” of Ni, Se, can very well explain why Ken developed his Digimon Kaiser persona.

BONUS

A brief summary of the 8 Functions:

Introverted Intuition (Ni) collects conscious and subconscious information, and then synthesizes it to produce convergent impressions, insights, answers, and theories. It sees deep causes, patterns, and laws underlying sense data. It is characteristically penetrating and insightful.

Extraverted Intuition (Ne) surveys and creatively recombines a breadth of ideas, associations, patterns, and possibilities. It is characteristically innovative, divergent, open-ended, and non-discriminating. Outwardly, Ne users may present as scattered, random, quirky, witty, and ideationally curious.

Introverted Sensing (Si) retains, consolidates, and recollects historical and autobiographical information. It attends to and draws on a concentrated body of past experiences, routines, and traditions (i.e., the “tried and true”). It forgoes the constant pursuit of new or broad experiences, finding safety and security in stability and consistency. It also surveys inner bodily sensations.

Extraverted Sensing (Se) seeks extensive outer stimulation in the “here and now”—new sights, sounds, tastes, experiences, etc. It is open-ended and non-discriminating with respect to new experiences. It can also be associated with image-consciousness and observation skills, displaying a keen eye for detail. Outwardly, it may manifest as a recurrent desire for activities beyond talking (“Let’s do something!”).

“Introverted Intuition (Ni) collects conscious and subconscious information, and then synthesizes it to produce convergent impressions, insights, answers, and theories. It sees deep causes, patterns, and laws underlying sense data. It is characteristically penetrating and insightful.

Extraverted Intuition (Ne) surveys and creatively recombines a breadth of ideas, associations, patterns, and possibilities. It is characteristically innovative, divergent, open-ended, and non-discriminating. Outwardly, Ne users may present as scattered, random, quirky, witty, and ideationally curious.

Introverted Sensing (Si) retains, consolidates, and recollects historical and autobiographical information. It attends to and draws on a concentrated body of past experiences, routines, and traditions (i.e., the “tried and true”). It forgoes the constant pursuit of new or broad experiences, finding safety and security in stability and consistency. It also surveys inner bodily sensations.

Extraverted Sensing (Se) seeks extensive outer stimulation in the “here and now”—new sights, sounds, tastes, experiences, etc. It is open-ended and non-discriminating with respect to new experiences. It can also be associated with image-consciousness and observation skills, displaying a keen eye for detail. Outwardly, it may manifest as a recurrent desire for activities beyond talking (“Let’s do something!”).

“Introverted Thinking (Ti) utilizes deep and nuanced logic to examine techniques, problems, concepts, or theories. It seeks self-regulation and self-optimization through the development of personal skills, methods, and strategies. It takes a skeptical and reductive approach toward knowledge.

Extraverted Thinking (Te) uses explicit logic, including standardized methods, measurements, policies, and procedures, to make systems and operations more rational, efficient, or effective. This often involves working as part of an institution, be it corporate, scientific, academic, etc. Outwardly, Te delivers opinions and directives in a firm, direct, measured, and unemotional fashion. It may at times be perceived as harsh, tactless, or unsympathetic.”

“Introverted Feeling (Fi) explores and refines personal tastes and feelings, contributing to a strong sense of personal uniqueness. It is self-regulating and self-controlling, working to maintain inner emotional and moral order. It may also emotionally invest in a limited number of love objects, be they persons, animals, hobbies, or causes.

Extraverted Feeling (Fe) surveys a breadth of human emotions, values, and morals. It strives toward interpersonal rapport, consensus, and continuity. It can also be associated with effective communication and social intelligence, facilitating growth and transformation in others. Outwardly, it delivers opinions and directives in a direct yet tactful way, often with a sense of emotional urgency and conviction.

in My True Type, A.J. Drenth

MBTI RESOURCES

A.J. Drenth. “My True Type”

Lenore Thomson. “Personality Type”. 

A.J. Drenth. “The 16 Personality Types”.

The 16 MBTI® Types https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.htm

Naomi Quenk, “Was That Really Me?”

#series: typing the chosen #digimon #headcanons #personality types #mbti #sorry but Tumblr formatting is a MESS;;;; I hope it's more readable now!

[sadlesbeandisaster]

okay everyone, this will be the last post on this topic, so if anyone is searching my blog for ace discourse, this is what to look at

Posted on the 5th June 2019

I'm not an exclusionist and haven't been for several months

I changed my mind after meeting some cis, straight aces who talked to me about their experiences.

Previously the only aces I knew were gay aces who were also exclusionists

It's worth noting that not all of them actually feel a part of or want to be a part of the LGBT+ community. But the ones who do explained to me and it made me realise I was wasting my energy on being judgemental when I could have just been supportive this entire time.

I've got a lot of conflicting opinions being thrown at me as fact about the use of the word cishet, but I get why people don't like it so I won't use it

I have never said that ace lesbians didn't exist or weren't included so anyone who says that is a liar btw

I have apologised for being an exclusionist but because it's hard to find on my blog: I'm sorry for the hurt I may have caused the asexual community in the past. I thought I was doing the right thing but I was wrong, and I see that and regret that.

I still have issues with non-ace people using the split attraction model to call themselves lesbophobic things like "bi lesbians" and I won't apologise for that. It's incredibly offensive and harmful to imply that lesbians can be attracted to men in any capacity.

I've never said that asexuals shouldn't use the split attraction model, only that plenty don't.

People are accusing me of being defensive... uh yeah I am. I'm dealing with a lot right now and my every word is being twisted and taken out of context by complete strangers acting in bad faith. Add to that the death threats and rape threats on behalf of the ace community I've received in the last year... yeah, I'm defensive and won't apologise.

Thank you to the people who, instead of relying on rumours, actually checked my blog and messaged me to ask for clarification or to give me another perspective. You were all really patient while I was trying to deal with a lot of conflicting arguments and I appreciate it.

I'm still going to trust my friends and people who talk to me like a human above aggressive anons. Also there's no way I'm going to read essays you attach to my posts, mainly because I struggle to read long things without breaks. If you want to say something to me, just message me and we'll talk it out. I'm always open to learn and get different perspectives.

Though sometimes when I say "I can't handle this right now, educate me later" it's because I suffer from psychological symptoms that mean sometimes literally can't organise my thoughts or handle too much information at once.

I'd appreciate it if everyone who has been spreading misinfo about me reblogged this.

#ace discourse #ace #asexual #apology #discourse

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

After President Trump won the 2016 election, there was a big debate over the role “identity politics” played in his victory. Some scholars argued that many white voters without a college degree — a group that proved pivotal in that election — jumped from supporting then-President Barack Obama in 2012 to Trump in 2016 largely because they liked Trump’s framing of identity issues, such as immigration, more than Hillary Clinton’s.1 After the election, some (usually white) liberal and Democratic-leaning voices said that Democrats needed to abandon “identity politics” or face more defeats like Clinton’s. Other liberal voices (often Black) said that Trump had successfully tapped into the racist views of many white Americans. Both of those perspectives implied that debating issues of identity and race was bad for Clinton and good for Trump, and in the future it would be good for the GOP and bad for Democrats.

Never mind all that, at least for now. America is talking about identity and race, and so are both presidential candidates. And all that racial talk seems to be helping Democrats, not Republicans. Joe Biden led Trump by about 6 percentage points in national polls on May 25, the day a Minneapolis police officer killed George Floyd. Biden leads Trump by an average of nearly 10 points now, after weeks of race and racism dominating the national discussion.

Obviously a lot of factors could explain Trump’s decline in the polls, most notably the coronavirus outbreak and the president’s failure to come up with any real plan to limit the virus’s spread.

But it’s worth exploring this question: Why aren’t identity politics backfiring on Biden and helping Trump? It’s hard to say for sure, but here are five theories, ordered roughly from strongest to weakest.

Trump is in the White House now

Some political science research suggests that public opinion on major issues tends to move against the sitting president. So if President John Doe says he hates Granny Smith apples, Americans will begin consuming them by the bushel. And that pattern has already played out with Trump, with Americans becoming more supportive of immigrants and Obamacare, likely in reaction to the president’s attempts to limit immigration and repeal the health care law.

Current polling — and even polls from earlier in the Trump presidency — has shown Americans expressing more liberal views on racial issues. Those numbers might suggest real change in racial attitudes among Americans. (More on that in a bit.)

But what looks right now like increasing racial liberalism may really just be anti-Trump sentiment. If Americans, particularly Democratic-leaning Americans, perceive that Trump is opposed to the Floyd protests and to racial justice causes more broadly, they might become more supportive of such causes, consciously or unconsciously, simply as a reaction to the president’s sentiments.

So in terms of identity politics and their role in presidential elections, it may have been that a racialized discourse was electorally bad for Democrats when their party controlled the White House, like in 2016. But this kind of discourse is fine and perhaps even electorally beneficial for Democrats with a Republican president in office.

Also, the story here could simply be that Trump is a flawed candidate who was going to struggle in 2020 no matter what issues were dominating the news at the time. After all, he was viewed unfavorably by 60 percent of voters on Election Day in 2016, according to exit polls, and he has remained fairly unpopular throughout his presidency. In 2019 and earlier this year, Democrats spent a lot of time debating which of their potential presidential candidates was most “electable.” But Biden’s almost-10-point lead suggests that basically any of the other 2020 Democratic presidential candidates would likely be leading Trump right now if he or she were the presumptive Democratic nominee.

2016 was a fluke and identity politics don’t always hurt Democrats

Part of the focus on identity issues as an electoral liability stems from the current makeup of swing states and the Electoral College. White voters without degrees have become increasingly Republican-leaning and represent a disproportionate share of the electorate in key swing states like Michigan and Wisconsin. So Democrats need to worry more about appealing to white voters without degrees to win an Electoral College majority than they would if presidential elections were decided by a simple national plurality vote. Thus, a lot of post-2016 coverage started from the assumption that Democrats have an identity and race problem because they must appeal to white voters without degrees and that voting bloc — at least based on the 2016 results — seemed to be put off by Democrats’ approach to identity issues.

But that framing might be wrong, or at least a bit overstated. Why? First, there’s an alternate reading of the 2016 results that suggests race wasn’t an unusually important factor in motivating the white voters who switched to Trump. Second, the overall racial dynamics of American politics are not that bad for Democrats and perhaps even favorable to them.

Zoom out beyond 2016 and take the long view: The last seven presidential elections have featured four Democratic victories in both the popular vote and the Electoral College (1992, 1996, 2008, 2012); one instance where the GOP won the popular vote and Electoral College (2004); and two kind of fluky GOP wins in which Republicans lost the popular vote but won the Electoral College (2000, 2016).

That long view doesn’t look great for Republicans, and identity and race help explain why. Democrats have been handily winning the vote among Asian, Black and Hispanic Americans, who combined are growing as a share of the electorate. (The share of nonwhite U.S. voters was about 26 percent in 2016, compared to about 13 percent in 1980.) Democrats’ status as the party of minorities helps them in some ways, requiring the GOP to consolidate an increasingly high percentage of the country’s white voters to win elections.

But it isn’t easy or necessarily guaranteed that the Republicans will overwhelmingly win the white vote overall or the white non-college vote specifically — even in an election that’s centered on race. The 2017-2018 period was full of racialized political debate, most notably on immigration policy, but the exit polls suggest Democrats lost white voters without a college degree by 24 percentage points in 2018, compared to 37 points in 2016. So far in 2020, polls show Biden losing white voters without a degree by a margin closer to 20 points.

Meanwhile, Biden might carry white voters with a college degree by a large margin, in part because those voters have been turned off by Trump’s approach to racial issues. Indeed, white voters with a college degree or postgraduate education have been trending Democratic for years, and the GOP approach to race and ethnicity is likely a factor.

In short, the evidence suggests that Trump’s approach on racial issues never really appealed to people of color in the first place and, outside of November 2016, it has also been really off-putting to white voters with degrees and not that appealing to white voters without degrees.

It’s harder to use Biden as a wedge

On policy issues, including those around identity and race, Biden’s positions are clearly to the left of the ones Obama ran on in 2008 and arguably to the left of Clinton’s in 2016. In explicitly promising to pick a woman as vice president and a Black woman as Supreme Court justice, Biden has gone beyond Clinton or Obama in terms of allocating very important government posts based on gender and race. And Biden’s rhetoric on racial issues is similar to Clinton’s in 2016. After Floyd’s death, while Trump largely dismissed the protests, Biden called for “an era of action to reverse systemic racism.”

But Biden is an older white man. So his identity likely makes it harder for Trump to run an identity-based campaign against Biden than against Clinton and, to some extent, incumbent president Obama. (The Atlantic’s Adam Serwer made this argument explicitly in a recent piece.) Biden does not visually symbolize a changing America the way President Obama did and the way a President Hillary Clinton would have.

Also, Biden has self-consciously positioned himself as a more moderate Democrat and has distanced himself from more liberal elements of the party, including the causes favored by more liberal Black Americans, like defunding the police.

The electorate has really shifted on racial issues

It’s possible that Trump’s identity politics are less effective in 2020 than they were in 2016 because the events of the last four years have resulted in a real leftward shift on racial issues among Americans. And that shift is fundamental and real, not just about partisanship or anti-Trump sentiment, as I suggested above. After all, in interviews with reporters, more liberal-leaning people and even some former Trump voters are suggesting that they understand racial inequality more deeply now than ever before.

Institutions are aligned with Biden on these issues

Major U.S. businesses, corporations and other elite institutions are typically wary of being perceived as partisan. But in the wake of Floyd’s death, corporate America seems to have decided, for whatever reason, that support for Black Lives Matter and comprehensive, aggressive efforts to reduce racial inequality are either not that partisan or that they’re stances worth taking even if they annoy some Republicans.

So at least right now, it’s not really Biden and Democrats versus Trump and Republicans on issues of identity and race in America; rather, it’s Biden, Democrats, Facebook, Merck, JPMorgan Chase, Netflix, Nike, Stanford and lots of other major institutions versus Trump and Republicans.

This dynamic is not totally unique to the spring and summer of 2020. Major companies in America are often aligned with liberal cultural values — for example, supporting gay marriage even before the 2015 Supreme Court ruling that invalidated any remaining bans on same-sex unions.

But even if corporate America’s recent posture on racial issues isn’t that surprising, it’s still important. With a lot of major institutions in America echoing his general message, it’s not surprising that Biden’s identity politics are resonating more than Trump’s.

I’m writing this article at a particular moment in time. Perhaps there will be a backlash to the Floyd protests and public opinion will shift. Maybe Trump will benefit from that. If Biden picks a female vice presidential nominee, particularly one who is also a person of color, perhaps Trump’s identity tactics will resonate more with voters because he’ll then have a foil who is more like Clinton and Obama. Alternatively, Trump could make up ground in the polls due to unrelated issues and factors.

And even if Biden wins, that won’t totally answer the question of whether identity politics is bad or good for Democrats. LIke I said, perhaps basically any Democratic candidate would beat Trump amid a viral outbreak the president mishandled.

All that said, it appears right now that the identity politics of 2020 are a net plus for Democrats — and perhaps they weren’t too big a problem for Democrats in the first place. It’s hard to prove any of this, but it’s an important discussion to have. In 2008, it seemed like Democrats won a presidential contest that was largely about race. But even though the presidential nominees were white in 2016 and 2020, those may have been more racialized campaigns. And if the current polls hold up, Democrats, after losing a very racialized campaign, may show that they can win one.

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #Perry Bacon Jr.

[olafkerr]

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[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations NICO! You’ve been accepted as KERBEROS.

Nico, Luca is a character very much integral to the chaos that goes on here in Chicago, and you brought her to life! I love the motivation you gave her, how she’s set out to prove everyone right, since she can’t seem to prove them wrong. You dug into her background as more than just a mutant and used that to further her identity as a person and her motivations that carry through to current day. Also #justiceforMaddie. I can’t wait to see what hell you and Luca cause on the dash!

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: Nico

PRONOUNS: they/them

AGE: 27

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: GMT+1, I think Kay can now vouch for me, I write like a robot and I will be online every day.

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Kerberos - Luca Mendoza

GENDER/PRONOUNS: female, she/her

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Luca is intensity. She will burn with fire and create chaos because all her life she has tried to fight what people thought of her just because of her heritage, and then tried to not become what they wanted her to become as a mutant. But with everything that was happening, she knew she should let go. Let it all go and be exactly that which they wished of her: a monster. A creature who fought and stole and cussed and bled, all because of expectations.

BIO:

Tw: discrimination

Growing up in a small almost rural town in the south of the Netherlands, Luca was supposed to grow up with all the liberties of a socialist capitalist state. Health care was taken care of, education was cheap enough to be affordable, and the people were liberal. But she wasn’t sure when, but very early on in life, Luca learned that despite how much a country said it was ‘good’, there would always be misunderstanding towards certain social minorities. She called it Historical Opinions, based on a misunderstanding of the Romani people that outdated most of the people in her surroundings, yet continued to follow her. Luca learned it through the word ‘tokkie’, which was supposed to be a bad name for anyone growing up in the trailer parks at the edge of cities. She came to accept the term without being able to fully grasp its meaning. No matter where she went, or who she was with, once anyone found out where her family lived, she was a ‘tokkie’. It became a term that followed her through all of her childhood. She remembered so many of the moments vividly.

She understood and was angry at this image of her family and everyone who lived in the twenty trailers around her. Luca tried not to think about it too much, but she saw it in every layer of her life. She played soccer, her hair tightly put into a bum, she was aggressive, according to her coaches. She went to school, and despite how smart and self-aware she was, her teachers didn’t want her to be held apart from her friends, her ‘own kind’ thus put her always together with them, even if they were louder and more present than the other kids.

Her mother would comb her hair at night, and do her nails. Her father would sit on the couch in front of the tv, watching a soccer match while his fifth beer of the day disappeared in one big gulp. Someone once tried to explain to her that lower-income families were often forced into these kinds of situations. The situations the person meant was her family always having to buy their clothing at Zeeman, the cheapest store in the city. How their food was often from the MacDonalds because it was cheaper than a home-cooked meal, and how she would, one way or another, end up exactly like everyone else in the trailer park, because they would never get the chance to prove themselves.

Luca wasn’t sad about this future, instead; she was angry. If she was with her family or her friends, nobody took her seriously. They thought she would steal from them, or cuss, or fight. They had expectations that she never even fulfilled. So she became fascinated with the history of her people, she wanted to know why and where these expectations came from. She knew they weren’t true. Her mother never cussed, her father never fought, her brother never stole. But that did not bring down the rumors. The people who walked by the trailer park either stared or they looked away because the sight of these ‘low-income’ people was too much for them to bear.

To her luck, unknowingly, the Netherlands was a fairly liberal country when it came to Mutant laws as well. For the time being at least. Luca grew up slightly oblivious to these kinds of problems because they either never made the news, or they were not made a big deal of. The government decided to keep it mostly under wraps, to say as little as possible, and offer ‘help’ to the mutants that were discovered. Luca was unaware of her own power, because she had never faced off against anyone with actual powers. Or so she thought.

Her first encounter with her own ability was a strange sensation, and it didn’t really start where normal mutant abilities started.

Her name was Madeleine, everyone called her Maddie. She was gorgeous. And by third year of high school, Luca knew she loved girls. Madeleine was exceptional: she played soccer too, but in a different team, she had the lower body of a goddess, and always wore large jumpers that weren’t flattering. But her long blonde hair curled like crazy, and her blue eyes were always smiling. When Luca fell, she fell hard.

It was during research for her project on Romani people during the Second World War - she was by then known as the ‘Romani research girl’ - that Madeleine sat opposite of her, researching her own thing. She was smiling again, and Luca tried not to blush with the extra attention. Suddenly the girl suggested for the two of them to go to the loo together. It was an odd request. But Maddie had a secret, one she only wished to share with someone who didn’t know her. One she only wished to share with someone who knew what it was like to be the odd one out.

She could breathe fire.

Two months later, and so could Luca. But only when they were close together, and the way things were going, Luca and Maddie were very close very often. They didn’t know any other powered people, however, so despite how badly Maddie wanted to find out what more Luca could do, there really was no way.

Life was great for a while, as Luca grew older, and Maddie stayed at her side, loyal. Her soccer-playing, jumper-wearing disaster wife. She could ignore the words people threw at her for her family history all the more easier when she was walking hand in hand through the school with Maddie.

Then one day, Maddie didn’t come to school anymore.

She was not the first to disappear, and she certainly wouldn’t be the last. At first people just thought healthy, soccer-playing, jumper-wearing Maddie was ill. But after a week, Luca began to worry. Finally not even the news nor the government could ignore the disappearances. As Luca was crying on the couch, just shy of her eighteenth birthday, the liberal stance of the Netherlands towards the testing and prosecution of Mutants fell. And with it, Luca’s last hope of being reunited with Maddie.

She held on for a little longer, bitter, scared, angry. Her family felt her distance and tried everything they could to pull her back. But they knew too, they had always known. Her brother was taken first. He had managed to keep it a secret from her, but not her parents, that he could breathe underwater. She wondered if there was any significance about these two individuals so close to her both having something that involved breathing as her mother came into her room and told her to pack her stuff. She was angry at first, raging that she didn’t want to go, that this was unfair, that people shouldn’t think she was something just because she had a power nobody wished to understand. But eventually she gave in.

She moved around for years. For the first time understanding, after having dived so deep into the history of her people, what it must’ve been like for them. Not completely, she could never, she hadn’t lived through most of what they had lived through. But she too had to avoid major cities, she too knew that she wouldn’t be accepted as a full human, she knew the shame she would feel if she connected to anyone and brought them trouble. Her mind spun during those years. Sometimes she found like-minded souls, people who were running from something but had long since forgotten what they were running from. Most days, she missed Maddie.

Slowly, the grief and the bitterness turned to rage. More than before she began to see what fear did to those who were feared. They slowly turned into monsters.

Luca turned into a monster. Perhaps not one who would kill and rage and flung themselves to harm those in their way, but she became something that too often bordered on rage. Rage to prove everyone wrong, yet, to also prove them right. If they wanted her to be what they thought she should be, then she would. No longer would she try to prove them wrong, she would be what they wished to see in her, and she would be more than just that.

She came to Chicago knowing nothing. Traveling and good education had taught her English, but she clearly had little knowledge of this new country, and she tried to blend in as quickly as possible, while also trying to stand out as much as possible.

So when she heard of the Jem Family, she felt like they were like-minded, she felt like there her rage would be embraced rather than feared. So she made it her mission to seek them out and win their favor. It wasn’t hard. Not once they knew what her power was, not once she learned she was incredibly dangerous if she wanted to be. And she wanted to be. And she became the monster.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

Angela Ramone: It took a while for Luca to get to the bottom of their jealousy, to understand why she felt what she felt. She had never really wanted power, but she wanted to change the world. She wanted for the world to understand that the mutants were there, and they were going to fight for their rights. But she didn’t think Angela was the person to do it, she didn’t believe for one moment that Angela could encompass the vision that was needed to ensure this new time, this new reign. This better place. Where people like her, like Maddie, could be safe. Feared and safe, where nobody dared to take one of them away, or ignore their rights.

JACKSON RAEMERS: Jackson reminds her of Maddie. Not that Maddie was a man with a beard and who could shape-shift, but he did have that careful nature about him. He was kind, and most of all, he was there for her if she needed it. And she had forgotten over the years how badly she craved normal human contact that wasn’t all about being a mutant and being on the run and surviving another day or fighting for others. He made her feel human for a little, made her feel like she was appreciated for something other than the chaos she sought to embody.

Derek Park: Derek and Luca were absolutely meant to be friends. There really wasn’t any way around it. From the moment she met him, she knew that they should generate chaos. They had to, as if some unspoken promise forced her to stand at his side. She knew it was deeper than that. She just wanted to be able to manipulate fire again. It might not be through her breath, but it was something that brought her a little closer to Maddie, if only in spirit. Not to mention the level of destruction the two of them can create: that is chaos, that is power. At Derek’s side, Luca can be the monster she craves to be. At Derek’s side, she can raise hell and show everyone that nobody messes with them. So whenever she is given the chance, she will try to push Derek to his limits, because his limits allow her to learn, and in learning, they can become stronger. If anyone deserves to burn their enemies to the ground, it is them.

EXTRA: 

Luca is Dutch.

She exclusively loves girls.

She can tell you anything about the Romani people in the Netherlands and Germany between the end of the 1800s and post-WWII.

Despite having lived in the US for the past couple of years, Luca is still oblivious to a lot of American things.

She’s grown up thinking the US was a failed state, but now she hates her own country more for betraying their liberal ideals.

#accepted #accepted: kerberos

[wolfpawn]

Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 23

Chapter Summary - Tom arrives to Alexianna's to see if he can save their relationship.

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

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Tags: @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @theoneanna

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Alexianna watched Lily as she coloured another picture. ‘Look at this, Mommy.’

Alexianna wiped her tears and put on a smile. ‘What is it, love?’

Lily pointed to the different people on the page. ‘There’s you, there’s me. And there’s Tom, he is holding your hand.’

Alexianna winced. ‘Lily, I need to talk to you about something.’ she knelt down in front of her daughter. ‘Sweetie, I need to talk to you about Tom.’

‘I like Tom.’ Lily declared happily.

‘I know you do love, so do I, but...sometimes...sometimes things don’t happen like we want them to, and even when we really really like people, we don’t get to continue being around them.’ she tried to explain, but all she got in return was a puzzled Lily who had no idea what she was trying to say. ‘Lil…’ A knock on the door caused her to frown. Realising it was more than likely Edward, she sighed. ‘Go to the bedroom, okay?’ Lily tried to complain, ‘Now Lil, and I will give you some ice-cream in a minute.’ The child did as she was told. Alexianna walked to the door, terrified of what she was about to face. She opened it without paying attention to who was on the other side. ‘Come on so, you bottom feeder, let’s just get this sorted.’ She growled. Tom walked in. ‘Oh.’ she looked at him, Tom looking at her expectantly. ‘I didn’t…’

‘So he is coming back?’

‘He should be here in a minute.’ she nodded.

‘And what are you going to do?’

‘I have it signed.’

‘Lexi.’ Tom walked toward her but she stepped back. ‘You shouldn’t…’

‘I should never have allowed this Tom, I put everything you worked so hard for at risk because of a crush I had as a teenager. I could not let it affect you.’

‘I am grateful that you were thinking of me, but I am a fully grown man, I can look after myself and when making a decision like this, I think it only fair that you consider both of our opinions on the matter.’ He stated.

‘It’s just too complicated.’

‘No, Lexi, it’s not. We talk over everything, we see what is the best way forward and we go from there. You can’t just push me away…’ he looked at the table, recognising himself in Lily’s drawing. ‘I know it’s not easy Lexi and this isn’t easy, but Lily has accepted me, you said you love me, we can’t throw it all away just because he wants to control your life.’

‘I had to sign those papers.’

‘What is so wrong about signing them?’

‘You’re kidding, right? All I had in that sham of a marriage was my integrity, and now he is taking that from me.’ she cried. ‘I…’ Tom pulled her to him, caressing her hair gently. ‘It’s not fair.’

‘It’s not, which is why he is not going to do it.’

‘I need to go to the bathroom.’ She pulled away again.

‘I’ll still be here in a minute.’ Tom promised, kissing her head. Alexianna left the kitchenette for the bathroom. No sooner than she left, there was a sharp rap on the door. Causing Tom to look at it warily. A moment later, Lily came to the bedroom door. ‘Lil?’

‘It’s the bad man.’

‘What bad man, Darling?’

‘He was here yesterday, he made Mommy cry.’

‘Okay love, you go into the room, alright?’ Lily nodded and did as she was told. Tom inhaled deeply and walked to the door, opening it and looking out at the man on the doorstep. ‘Yes?’

‘I am looking for Alexianna Rice.’

Tom frowned, he had never heard Alexianna’s married name before. ‘Concerning?’

‘That’s nothing to do with you.’

‘On the contrary, considering your threats to her last night, I think it very much concerns me.’ He growled back, stepping out of the house, closing over the door behind him.

‘It’s not a threat, it’s a promise. Besides, it’s not like it’s a hard sell, our paperwork signed, for hers. Your little dirty past doesn’t need to come out.’

‘There is no dirty past.’

‘Of course not, that’s why her daughter looks like you then, is it?’

‘I am not her father, as much as you may want it to be otherwise.’ Edward scoffed. ‘Jonathan does not deserve to be her father.’

‘Well, considering the evidence against Alexianna, it is very much doubtful he is.’ Edward grinned. ‘Has she that form signed or are we doing this the hard way, I don’t care, either way, you, however, should.’

The longer Tom spent near the man, the more he wished he was more brutishly aggressive. ‘Just have him sign the damn divorce papers. If Jonathan wants to be rid of her, then just sign them, once they are signed, she cannot come after him, his name isn’t on the birth cert, no spousal support and he can continue his miserable existence with whichever poor creature decides to endure him next.’

‘She can…’

‘If you are so sure he is not the father, then it doesn’t matter, does it?’ Tom challenged. Edward said nothing. ‘She has not looked back once in four years, she is glad to be rid of him. Her daughter did what she never could, she got her away from that pathetic excuse of a sack of…’

‘Tom.’ He turned to see Alexianna next to him. She extended her hand to his arm, ‘Don’t bother.’

Tom felt him exhale a breath he did not realise he had been holding. ‘You’re not giving him anything.’ Tom stated firmly. He turned to look at Edward. ‘You’re a legal man, right?’ Edward nodded warily at him. ‘Then you know of Carlton, Hedges and Graham?’ Again Edward nodded. ‘Funny thing about Eton, all sorts go there, I was in the year ahead of Jeremy Carlton, I was at his wedding only last year, so when Alexianna told me your little blackmail story, I got onto him, and guess what?’ Tom grinned. ‘We have you with five charges of malpractice and intimidation.’ Tom stood tall over Edward’s five foot eleven frame. ‘Including the illegal stalking of a woman and minor.’ Edward’s face fell. ‘You are the one with an ultimatum now, sign her papers, and part ways, never to hear from one another again, or be in front of a judge, and well, you know that firms win rate, Carlton has assured me that his father will personally preside over it.’ Tom stood millimetres from Edward’s chest. ‘So, either fax his signed papers over to them in the morning, care of Jeremy, or we will see you in court, and when the DNA on Lily comes back, he will suffer for putting her and Alexianna through all of this, every last copper penny from the day she was born, for every last nappy used, he will be forced to pay back half. Every pair of shoes, every last school pencil, he will pay half on until she graduates college. And we are very much considering private education, Alexianna is a past pupil of Headington in Oxford, the fees there are eighteen thousand for day schooling alone when we checked, we, of course, are looking at all options for her schooling. We want what’s best for her.’ Tom spoke with authority. ‘But if he signs those papers, then she is no longer his concern, her or her wonderful mother. Alexianna is not going to contest maintenance, so he moves on scot-free. Alexianna keeps her integrity, he keeps his money. He will not dictate to her how to live her life for one day longer. Am I clear?’ Edward remained silent. ‘Now get away from this door, you are never to step foot here again. You are never to bother Alexianna Hughes again, or her daughter or I will make one call and you will be neck-deep in paperwork for ten years.’ Tom growled. ‘Leave.’

Edward looked to Alexianna, who simply grinned back at him. ‘You heard him, Ed, fuck off.’ Tom grinned proudly at her. Edward’s mouth remained suspended between opened and closed for several moments before he turned and left, his tail firmly between his legs.

When he was gone, Tom looked to Alexianna again, she was shaking violently. ‘Have you eaten?’ She shook her head. ‘Come on, I think you and Lily deserve a nice takeaway, has she had Indian before?’ Tom put his arm around her. ‘I am so proud of you, Lexi.’

‘How…?’

‘I went to school with a guy whose father is the biggest thing in family law, he has represented every one of note, I gave him a call on the cab over, he works for his father now, I told him your situation, he gave me the quickest rundown of what you needed and told me to have everything to deal with that guy.’

‘Why would he help me?’

‘Well, you remember when I told you and Emma about an incident at Eton where I almost lost my house captaincy?’

‘Yeah, you covered for someone.’

‘I literally saved Jeremy from being expelled, he has always owed me since, this is going to be a big part of his debt repaid, he is doing this, free of charge and if Jonathan decides to play hardball, he will ensure he is shopping in Iceland and Home Bargain for the rest of his days.’ Tom promised. ‘He thinks you’re mad to not go for the jugular.’

‘I just want to be left alone. I want him gone.’

‘We’ll get that sorted, wait and see.’ Tom promised as they went back inside. ‘So, where is the best girl, she deserves something nice for being so good?’ Lily rushed out of the bedroom and into Tom’s arms, he pulled her up. ‘Have you tried Indian before? I think you look like someone who would love a Korma.’ Alexianna smiled as she watched Tom talking to Lily and the child talking excitedly back before beginning to drift into a daydream. ‘I mean it.’ She looked back at Tom when she realised he was talking to her. ‘If you want me gone for a genuine reason, I will respect that, if you try to push me away for a non-reason, I am not going to abandon you, either of you. I am not him.’

‘I know.’ she smiled, her eyes full of tears and her voice low. ‘Sorry.’ She dried her eyes with her hands. ‘Thank you, Tom.’

‘You don’t deserve that Lexi, though, I have to ask, Rice?’

‘My married name.’

‘But that guy was Rice?’

‘He is Jonathan’s brother.’

‘So he sent his brother to bully you?’ She nodded. ‘A lovely human being.’

‘Another string in his extensive bow.’ Alexianna agreed.

#Life is a Game of Risks #Chapter 23 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic