#why does physically existing suck so bad sometimes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doverstar · 23 days

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THERE WAS NO OTHER ENDING FOR ROSE and ya know what, I like to think the doctor thinks so too

I think he does too! I’m gonna talk about it, are you ready for me to talk about it? Are you ready for an essay-

I think the Doctor would agree that the ending Rose got—the one with Tentoo on Pete’s World—was the best possible fate for her. I’ll explain why, because I feel like it. First I’ll break down Rose’s most popular alternative-endings. Let’s start with Rose-stays-with-him-until-she-dies. That’s the one Rose decided on long before Canary Wharf. She planned on staying with the Time Lord until she physically couldn’t anymore. Forever.

First of all, that would be painful for the Doctor. He already said it. Watching Rose get shot, drowned, stabbed, sucked into a black hole, sacrificed for a remote planet’s civilization, poisoned, pulled into a void, atomized, eaten, possessed, run over, diseased, or ripped apart would be traumatic and terrible for the Doctor.

Watching Rose grow old and tired and then die would also be incredibly painful. He might try to prolong her life in alien ways, even in medical ways, but then she’s subjected to an unnatural, un-human existence until death claims her. Making a naturally-decaying body stick around and eke out another year, another hour, another century while he watches, exactly the same as ever. Yikes. Not fun for either of them. No thank you. He was against that ending with good reason.

Now, this ending where Rose stays with him until she dies? It is no less an emotional commitment to make than the one every married couple on Earth, every affectionate relationship on Earth, makes. Friends, family, spouses. You will lose them. You have to decide to love them knowing that.

The Doctor does love Rose, but he can’t tell her or admit it aloud because to do that would be facing a reality he’s not willing to face: he loves something he will inevitably lose. The old coward will not do it.

I believe that if Rose wanted to stay with him until she died, knowing she has a shorter lifespan but committing to holding his hand until she could not hold it anymore because he needs that and she can give it to him, and she knows he loves her back—100% yes girl, go for it. That is good and right and fine and she should be allowed to make that commitment. That’s love. That’s literal marriage vows. That’s unconditional, unwavering, and Rose is the first companion in 60 years of TARDIS passengers to love him like that. And he knows it. And it’s scary. But. Even in marriage, that is a commitment that has to be agreed upon by both parties. And the Doctor did not agree. The Doctor, selfish old man, is too afraid. He doesn’t want to watch Rose die, and he tried to explain that to her without confessing anything, and she heard him and tried to explain to him that she decided he would always have her if she had anything to say about it, not for her sake, but for his. (“Who’s gonna hold his hand now?” “I made my choice a long time ago and I’m never gonna leave you.” “Forever.”)

Now. That’s the first option for an alternate ending for Rose. She stays with him as a mortal and he has to watch her die, and they either dance around expressing their love in an unspoken, inexplicit way until he loses her and it’s agony, or they jump in with both feet and enjoy the time they have left, however many days Rose has before death, with the knowledge and understanding that he will outlive her, which is agony but with kissing. Still not 100% happy because one of them is, well, in agony. With a significantly long life stretched out ahead of him to spend as a widower. And it would fundamentally change the nature of a 60-year-old television show, but that’s another Ask for another time. Next is the Immortal!Rose AU, or the Bad Wolf AU. Personally, I don’t care for this AU (though I get the appeal and I do sometimes wish it could be that way). I used to think it was a good idea, and sometimes it's still sweet and I can see it, but the older I got, the more I disagreed with it. Because really, it doesn’t work. The AU’s idea—or its most popular explanation—is that Rose, by absorbing the Time Vortex and looking into the heart of the TARDIS in The Parting of the Ways, retained one slice of her godlike powers: she became immortal. Even after the Doctor kissed her and took the Vortex away to save her. The most-used version of this is that neither Rose nor the Doctor are aware that Rose was left with immortality until Tentoo ages and she doesn’t, or her family ages and she doesn’t.

The reason why I don’t think the Doctor would ultimately want this ending for Rose? The Doctor himself would not recommend immortality. He knows it’s ultimately a devastating existence. He himself has a ridiculously-long lifespan. Time Lords are supposed to only have a certain number of regenerations, but each regeneration, if left to age naturally, lives a long freaking time. (With the new Timeless Child nonsense, who knows, apparently the Doctor exclusively is immortal? I pretend I do not see it.) And then if they should die of old age, they regenerate and another chapter of life begins. So the Doctor knows what it’s like to essentially be immortal. And he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like watching his friends die around him. He doesn’t like knowing he will outlive the people and places he cares about. He hates it. “Immortality is everybody else dying.” “In the end you just get tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of losing everyone that matters to you, tired of watching everything turn to dust.” That last line, the Lazarus speech, sounds familiar because it’s something similar, interestingly, to what Rose said when she was the Bad Wolf. “Everything comes to dust.” Immortality is not a blessing. Immortality is absolutely a curse, and the show treats it like a curse. It’s not just never dying. Immortality is being alone and being unnatural. It’s bad. It’s not a good thing. If you were a 100% perfect person with a 100% perfect memory, it might be doable, but it’s not an easy existence. It sounds awful actually. We saw it with Ashildr (terrible idea). She’s miserable. She never really stops being miserable. Think about this: the Doctor is (kind of) immortal. He never stays in one place for too long, and he is careful to bring along far more mortal traveling companions wherever he goes. The Doctor once told Amy that he brought her with him because he can’t “see it” anymore (meaning the universe and its value), but he brings Amy and others with him because they can see it. “And when you see it, I see it.” What is everyone always telling him? Don’t travel alone. Not because he’s lonely—even though he totally is. It’s because when he is alone, the Doctor becomes a hazard, not a help. He starts to feel like he can do whatever he wants. I mean, think about it. He starts to feel like his judgement is infallible, because he’s basically a god, isn’t he? But no one should have that much power. It takes a lot to kill him, he’s a genius, and he has a time-and-space machine. What can’t he do? After a long, long, long time of living and being alone, essentially in an echo chamber with himself, the Doctor would lose empathy and compassion and humility just like anyone else. Because he’s not perfect. But he brings friends along to remind him he can stop now. To remind him we don’t walk away. To remind him that the universe has life in it that is worth saving, and that there is such a thing as right and wrong, and that he is not God, and that there is no such thing as little people. 900 years of time and space and he’s never met anybody who wasn’t important before. He needs his friends to hold him to the mark.

So—the Doctor knows that being immortal basically means that in the end you’ll see everything come to dust. If you’re not careful, you won’t be you anymore. And nothing and no one else will be themselves to you, either. You will lose the people/places you care about, and you will be alone, and you will stop caring. And then not only will you be wretched, you’ll be dangerous. Someone who doesn’t care is dangerous. It’s Ted Bundy. It’s evil. But it’s okay, I hear you saying. If they had each other, he would always have someone to hold him to the mark! Well - yes and then no - Think about Rose. Rose Tyler is a young human woman with so much empathy and sympathy. She is “so human”, in the Doctor’s own words. She is imperfect, and selfish, and petty, and easily angry and easily jealous. She is also impossibly compassionate, even towards the most ruthless murderous species. She’s kind and generous and brave and has a strong sense of justice. She’s often very selfless and very loving. Especially toward the Doctor. She values doing the right thing. A lot of those traits are found in the Doctor’s other friends (he chooses them with great care). But Rose is different. The Doctor is in love with Rose. And Rose is a lot of ‘firsts’ for Doctor Who. She’s the first companion to inspire change in a Dalek. She’s the first companion to tell him she’s in love with him. (Jo loved him, Sarah Jane loved him, Grace loved him, yes I know there were others.) She’s the first companion to be a real, proper onscreen equal to the Doctor, and not in a She’s Basically the Doctor But A Girl way, like Clara Oswald tried to be. She is not his assistant, his carer, his associate, his sidekick, his adoptive daughter, adoptive little sister, biological granddaughter, or his partner. Not to be Emily Bronte, but these two characters have the same heart. Like recognized like and fell in love. Perfect complementation. That is also another Ask for another time –

RTD said that Rose “humans [the Doctor] and he Time Lords her”. He brings out the courage and confidence in her that makes her so exceptional as a human, things that turn her into a hero, things she already had in her that the Doctor pulled forward. In turn, she brings out the compassion and humility in him that makes him a hero instead of a villain, things he always had in him that she pulled forward, adding humanity which would otherwise be easy for him to cast off.

But she can’t human him if she isn’t human anymore.

The things that make Rose an exceptional mortal would no longer be exceptional if she were immortal. The good traits would be a duty to retain, and the bad traits would be a poison to keep at bay. Because Rose is on a different level when it comes to her relationship with the Doctor, she could, for a time, help hold him to the mark. They would be exactly as we saw them in the show—passing by, helping out, saving the day, loving one another, making one another better. And then after eons go by, they would be each other’s echo chamber. Rose is the Doctor’s equal? Given eternity to stagnate in, what was once a strength would quickly become a weakness. Rose is not perfect and the Doctor is not perfect. Rose would not always be able to “see it” anymore either, even with the Doctor there. Same goes for him. They might be together forever, but Rose would be watching her mother, father, brother, friends, and family all age and die. She would hate that. But it would be okay because she has the Doctor, right? I agree with that. They have one another. So they’re never alone. That’s good. But Rose would not be a Time Lord. She’d be an immortal human. Ashildr 2.0, finite memory in an infinite body. She’d become detached, unable to appreciate the universe, and she’d stop investing in mortal relationships because they all end eventually. All she’d have would be the Doctor—and that’s wonderful, but after a while it would stop being a special thing that they have one another. Don’t look at me like that; it would. Okay, no – no - even if the Bad Wolf powers allowed Rose to have an infinite memory to go with her infinite body, fine, let’s say they did, she and the Doctor would still end up with “a backyard” as Eleven called it.

And eventually they would both think that the two of them, together, have the best judgement in the universe and should be treated as gods, and they will stop caring (except about each other, which doesn’t sound good for all the little people who are not part of that relationship, can you say unhealthy?). Or else they will become enemies, the way the Master and the Doctor became enemies. Or they won’t be able to travel with one another indefinitely, the way Ashildr, the Rani, River, Clara, and Romana can’t travel with the Doctor indefinitely. Because it would become toxic for everyone. And they would be back to being miserable, wouldn’t they?

(And – again - let me finish beating this tiny horse here: if you think Rose Tyler would heal fairly quickly - say, ten centuries in - and warm up to the reality that she has outlived other humans because she is really no longer human, we aren’t thinking of the same Rose Tyler.)

The Doctor would not wish the curse of the Time Lords on anybody, especially not the woman he loves. He would not agree that immortality is the happiest ending for Rose, or even for himself and Rose. There’s a very real chance that immortality would ruin Rose. He wouldn’t do that to her. He loves her.

And here we go, here’s my freaking point - The Doctor loves Rose. So he would give her what she wants, even if it means sacrificing what he wants. Putting her needs before his own. That’s love. She knows that; she was trying to do that for him the whole time!

But what does Rose want? Adventure in the great wide somewhere? No. Rose wants love. Rose wants the assurance of real, true love. Rose wants to love and be loved. And when she finds that, she is darn good at it, and she will do her best to keep it. AND THAT IS ANOTHER ASK FOR ANOTHER TIME, HOOOO BOY DON’T POKE ME- The Doctor cannot give Rose what she wants using himself, or even the thing that will make him happy too, for a time—because to outlive her would be absolutely terrible, and they both know it, and because he will not put her through the curse of immortality. (She doesn’t want to live forever anyway.)

But he can give her what she wants in the form of Tentoo. Are you kidding me? A 100% exact copy of the Doctor? The same face, same mannerisms, same hair? All the memories of loving her and longing for her in his head? And he only has one heart? He’ll grow old at the same time as Rose does? Plus, hi, he actually was born in mini wartime and needs the very influence Rose provided for his ninth self? Come on. What else was he going to do? Of course the Doctor and Tentoo gave her this chance. When Rose asks him “What was the last thing you said to me?” The Doctor could have said “I love you”. He was going to say it. It is canon that he was going to say that he loved her if the connection hadn’t been severed the first time. And for him to say it then, they both knew, would have been all Rose needed to hear. She would have gone with him and Donna and died. Or gone with him and Donna and become immortal somehow, hey I hear there are these random Mire repair kits kicking around out there in the universe, they make people immortal, funny we never saw them before now, I hate you Moffat- But he didn’t say it. He said “I said ‘Rose Tyler’.” And she gives him one more chance to say it. “How was that sentence gonna end?” “Does it need saying?” Well, no, it doesn’t. We’re not asking you to confirm it. She’s not asking you to confirm it. It never needed saying. You both knew it was love. We knew it was love. A hundred times over, it was love on display.

But she is asking him to make a choice—and he chooses to let her go because he loves her.

It’s not a question of love. They give each other a chance, both of them. Don’t make the mistake of thinking Rose had no choice. She asked both of those Doctors to tell her they loved her, and she chose the one that said it out loud, after learning her options. She learned one of them would grow old and was offering to spend forever with her if she wanted. She learned that one of them was genuinely choosing not to say he loved her on purpose. She made an informed decision. (Yes, she ran after the TARDIS when it left. Wouldn’t you?) The Doctor would agree that Tentoo is the best ending for Rose. Tentoo would agree (because he is the Doctor, and bonus, he gets to have Rose Tyler). Because this, this ending where she gets Tentoo, which is our fancy term for differentiating between two versions of exactly the same man, don’t go there with me-

This ending where she gets Tentoo is genuinely what she always wanted. She didn’t want to live forever. She didn’t want a boring life, but she didn’t desperately want adventure over all else. She wanted love. That’s an adventure anyway. Love. And she loved the Doctor. And she got to have the Doctor, and not lose him, or watch him lose her. And the Doctor, our full Time Lord Doctor, had the assurance of knowing that he did the best he could do for the woman he loved.

(Plus, because yes please, in an official deleted scene which has been confirmed to be intended as canon, Tentoo and Rose have a chunk of TARDIS coral and are growing their own, so they get to see the universe too, so you can’t even complain that all is not as it should be in that sense.) It is sad, because the full Time Lord has to carry on without her (that’s how the story always goes for him, and it should be because without loving and losing, an immortal alien will not have the periodic wake-up call he needs to remember that there is value in people and in relationships and in caring), and it’s sad because Rose won’t see him again, and it’s sad because we won’t really see Rose again. But for her, it is the best ending. It is the kindest, fairest ending. And I think the Doctor would agree.

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spaghetticat3899 · 5 months

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Perhaps it’s TMI, but a surprising amount of people didn’t know that Autism can sometimes cause physical problems as well, mostly digestive issues. Not all people with autism have digestive issues, but a good amount do, including myself. I recall participating in a study when I was in middle school that wanted to figure out why such a phenomenon occurred, and it had something to do with varying gut flora in some

Fascinating, yes, yes, but man does it suck sometimes. Sometimes it’s a matter of waiting and waiting until you’re in a ton of pain because your guts just decided they didn’t want to move for awhile. Doesn’t matter the amount of water you drink or fiber you eat, you’ll still be backed up. Sometimes the pain will be so bad you can’t get out of bed without huffing and puffing hot breath between clenched teeth, having to cancel plans or stay home from school. All for… being constipated. Now, this isn’t meant to be a whining fest about me chanting “woe is me”, I just think perhaps more people should know of people like me; autistics with the odd gut flora. Perhaps some of you may relate, perhaps not. But y’know, we exist, and that’s how it is. I just never see people talking about it and wonder if it’s a lack of knowing the existence of these folks.

I don’t know where I was going with this, to be honest.

#spaghetti speaks #autism #actually autistic #autistic things #just rambling #i’m rambling #Does anyone else experience this?#tmi #too much information

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ray-jaykub · 2 years

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May I be the first to indulge friend?

🔒 - what’s something they love a lot that they’re embarrassed to tell others about?

With the four lads? Or maybe just Don and Mikey?

As a thank you to being the bestest friend and writing mate in the world, I'm gonna do all four. Because they're all weird

Warnings: Mentions of internalized homophobia, me projecting

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Leonardo: > Leo, boy wonder, fearless. Whatever name you wanna call him. He is often the cleaner brother, strict morals and often the most polite and respectful of the four.

>It's all quite frankly a lie... partly, anyway

>This man is just as down bad, if not more so, then us readers and writers. That's right, honor boy loves fan-fiction. It's his favorite pastime and quite frankly a border-line addiction. He's written a good bit of his own even! Is it good? Not really. But it helps him cope so why say anything?

>It's mostly about some OCs he made when he was like 15 but when you read it, it's obviously just self insert. He is so bad at hiding the fact this is infact him and that's part of the reason he hides it but it's also because he'd never hear the end of it.

>Master Splinter caught him writing once and asked to read it, he didn't really say anything while reading it and like any parent just said it was good and left it at that. Leo is mortified to this day.

>You would have to be married with kids before this man even lets you know the book exists. You are forbidden from knowing it resides under the mattress, if you did know about it he'd probably burn it. Not because he doesn't trust you! He just knows it's cringe and the love-interest that was introduced is obviously you and he can't handle the humiliation

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Raphael:

>Men. He's embarrassed about liking men. But it's so obvious that he does and no-one ever really talks about it. It's 99% true they all assumed he was, cause Mikey is so obviously open about it and even Don is so everyone is already okay with it. There would be no reason to hide it!

>It'd be more so a masculinity thing for him, especially because he'd be a bottom in a mlm relationship. Joking, joking! But in all seriousness He just feels like it's a flaw and it's internalized, sometimes he'll catch himself appreciating a man, whether on TV or walking the streets and he'd feel terrible about it.

>It's a pretty serious problem when it comes down to it and He needs therapy and fast. Master Splinter has already tried to sit and have the "I love you no matter what conversation" to see if he could help Raph resolve what's going on with himself but he won't budge. And he sure as hell won't tell his brothers.

>But maybe if he did they'd be able to get through to him

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Donatello:

>His media, the stuff he watches. None of his brothers will ever understand his obsession with Angel Beats, vocaloid, or Sailor Mercury

>He’s tried to share the shows he watches with his family before. But even just the slight hint of disapproval or not understanding and he regrets every choice he’s ever made up to that point

>The only time ever showing them something worked was with Master Splinter and star wars. It’s their bonding media and they will hold marathons every now and then. They both refuse to watch the newer ones.

>There’s not a lot Don can show his family. Not because they don’t like it but mostly because they don’t understand it. His taste is so absurd even Mikey is hesitant to ask or wonder about what he’s into.

>It sucks for Don because he doesn’t ever really hide anything, (besides his internet history, but who doesn’t?) it’s just that no one ever cares enough to wanna know. This plays a lot into his self isolation, not just physically but mentally he does tend to be on his own little island. Alone. And that’s the hard part.

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Michelangelo:

>Quite literally the most open out of the four. Almost too open. But even the most open people have their secrets and maybe his is a little childish. Dating sims of all kinds. You can romance em? he’s playing it

>Avid player of Monster Prom! Has been accepted by every character and could do it again blind folded. His favorite is Polly, a total party ghost. He played Stardew and married Penny, made another save and married Elliot. Played Arcana and fell hard for Julian, was down bad for weeks.

>Point is if it’s out there he has played it but there’s no way in hell his family can know and it’s all Raph’s fault. Story was they were talking about celebrity crushes one day and Mikey had fan-art of the person he was pining for in one of his games but Raph looked at it funny (when he really didn’t react at all) and he decided he’d never show his babies to anyone ever again. Can’t do it won’t do it.

#Tmnt x reader #tmnt headcannons #tmnt 2014/16 #ray writes #teenage mutant ninja turtles x reader

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tabbyrocks · 8 months

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@ghostdoctor i had to like scroll so carefully to fit this into one screenshot but THESE IDEAS ARE SO CUTE

i think we finally found something we have different opinions on because i physically cant see this before izuku's crush realization for me.

i just really like the idea of like when monoma and izuku sorta become buddy buddy with their shared quirk enjoyment Izuku starts to become endeared by the little things (and even the things he used to think were lowkey annoying) that monoma would do when they spend time together.

AND LIKE WHEN 1-A QUESTION"S IZUKU OR SHITS ON MONOMA IZUKU IS LIKE "guys he's actually really sweet" and someone would be like

"no he just has a soft spot for you"

and like,,, he does. monoma like absolutely refuses to admit it but he really does think that izuku is just amazing. better than him in every way. which fuels his inferiority complex but also has this mixed in admiration and it messes with monoma's head SO BAD because hes supposed to hate this boy.

he wants to be around izuku but he wants to run away from his as fast as he can when hes nearby. he wants to love him but it would never work because izuku is thousands of miles ahead of him in everything, so why would he ever look back at monoma? why would he ever choose him out of all people. its impossible, so its better to hate him then to get himself hurt by wishing on a star that doesn't even exist.

and then with Midoriya, he probably thinks that monoma lowkey dislikes him still since he sucks at expressing feelings by anything other then being mean so its like

izuku knows that monoma likes being around him because he keeps spending time with him, but sometimes he's unsure due to the things Monoma says. (AUTISM. and his self image issues lol)

so these two are just in this never ending "he doesn't like me like that" cycle and the hypothetical readers are just like

"FUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK PLEASE JUST TALK ABOUT FEELINGS OR SOMTHING FOR ONE MINUTE I BEG"

#monodeku #used this as an excuse to rant abt my veiws on monodeku #i think they would go ice skating together #idk why i thought of that just now it has nothing to do with the post #they are LITTERALLY Promise by Laufey #thats THEIR SONG i dont make the rules #they both hate themselfs but in like different flavors #monoma and his little issues #i just like the idea of rivals to friend to lovers more than rivals to lovers #i love watching their opinions and feelings of each other change #its so raw and cute #i also feel like this all happens in their second year #soley because of their lack of bond in year one and like #the big fat war thats been making sure these two will never kiss #and bakugo #reminder if bakugo wasn't an ass and didn't piss off 1-b monoma wouldnt hate 1-a #blame everything on bakugo #anti bakugo #this was way angstyer then it was supposed to be #also i just like this because its slowburn #did i mention i fucking love slowburn #and like imagine THIS with a sick fic where either one of them get a fever and the other takes care of them #if monoma got sick it would be like #“fuck you i dont need your help” but internally hes like “why is he helping me im so horrible to him and everyone all the time”#“he has better things to be doing than taking care of me”#and if it was midoriya it would be like #"hey ill be fine #“wait hes actually taking care of me?”#“is he worried?”#“i don't want to worry him”

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remyfire · 25 days

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from the kink list- forced orgasm and/or thigh riding, radarhawk?

if that doesn't work for your brain, always love a good old cockwarming beejhawk <3

dealer's choice for who tops :D

(prompts now closed) (Hi. It's 5k. I'm sorry or you're welcome, I'm not sure which yet. I hope you enjoy!!)

From the moment he opens his eyes, Radar knows what kind of night Hawkeye had. It's true that Radar's always been a little too aware of Hawk—heck, maybe that's what drove him to linger close by in the first place, tasting that churning agitation that didn't belong to him but was on the back of his tongue all the same when Hawkeye's jeep was half a mile out from dropping him off for the first time. But though he still hasn't figured out exactly why Hawk, of all the people he's met, is a constantly open book with ruffling pages that beg for Radar's attention, he sure can't say it doesn't make it easier to know what he needs.

It's a long morning of paperwork, going through the physical motions but mentally tracking Hawkeye in the center of camp. It's not so much that he's angry or sad or anything. No, it's that familiar simmering inside, kind of like when Ma's making her stew broth from one of the chicken carcasses. Once when he was little, she'd held him on her hip and showed him what it looked like deep in the big pot, the steaming surface that just barely wobbled from the heat, and he'd been caught then by how peaceful it appeared to be even while all the bones and vegetables were getting the good stuff inside of them sucked out.

That's what he can feel right now. Hawk's simmering. He hasn't stopped simmering. Not last night. Maybe not even the night before.

As Radar flits to the filing cabinet with his stack of documents, he's already making up a plan.

Days like this are sometimes grueling for him, the one or two they have every month where he and Colonel Blake have gotta make sure they know what's what about supply, about repairs, about upcoming expected visits to camp or meetings in Seoul, but it's arguably worse when Radar is so darn conscious that for his part, Hawkeye's starting to bubble up a little more. They haven't had any casualties in a few days, and since Major Houlihan bursts into the office to complain about Captains Pierce and McIntyre and something about them using her bra for a slingshot, that tells Radar that Hawk doesn't have something to occupy him. His brain's running too hot. If nothing gets done about it, there's gonna be a heck of a crash later.

Honestly, it irritates the tar out of him that nobody ever puts two and two together about Hawkeye and his moods. He's out there doing the best he can, okay, he's the smartest guy Radar's met and he's probably the closest thing to a superhero that exists, but with those ups come the real bad downs. He's gonna hit the ground and make a crater just in time for a chopper to show up.

Radar really does have to do everything himself around here. But he takes a secret pleasure in this part all the same. He knows things about Hawk that nobody here ever will. Maybe Hawk'll never know them either.

Radar gets through a lunch surrounded by his enlisted pals, horsing around while Majors Burns and Houlihan aren't there yet to tell them to knock it off. There's no room for Hawkeye at his table, but they don't often sit together anyways, not unless the mess tent is quiet or there's a meeting Radar needs to take notes for. It's a game, trying not to look too needy or stare at him too much. But when Radar does finally peek at the table of officers, Hawkeye's staring right at him, lips curved up in a sweet smile, twisting his fork more and more through his noodles so that there's no more room for them to twirl. It's a brief peaceful moment. And then Captain McIntyre elbows him, cuts the contact with a joke and a nod toward a nurse who just walked in, and Radar feels the surface begin to boil once more.

Yeah, no, something's gotta be done.

Zale elbows him and slides the remnants of his tray over.

And he's gonna do it right after this, on account of the food waste and all.

~~~

"Okay, okay, you've got me." Hawkeye laughs as Radar stands just inside the supply tent, tapping his foot with his arms crossed. "If I'd've known that doing inventory was so urgent, I would've come faster."

"Will you just get in here?" Radar huffs. He's not pouting. He's not. "You've got post-op in less than an hour."

"Only 'cuz you're the one making up the duty roster." Once he's got the hanger situated, Hawkeye shuts the door, and now that they're out of sight Radar feels much better about grabbing him by the wrist and yanking him along. "Whoa! Easy, tiger." When Radar comes to a stop to survey the landscape, Hawk drapes himself over his shoulders and nuzzles his hair, his hands running up and down Radar's chest. "Mmm... God, you're always so warm, you know that?"

It'd be real nice if he could just take Hawkeye around to the mattress and snuggle up with him for the next forty-one minutes, but unfortunately that's not an option. Not when he can feel the bees buzzing around inside Hawk's head. "Hawkeye, c'mere." It'd also be nice if his voice wasn't all shaky and hungry like this, but that's not really his fault. He's not the one strutting around with the prettiest eyes in the world, flashing them all over the place, lithe and tall and handsome and just begging to be stared at.

He's really not doing a great job at staying on target.

"I wanna do something," Radar finally says.

"I think I've got some ideas." Hawkeye's grin is audible when he brushes his lips over Radar's cheek, his jawline.

Gosh, the fella could thaw a whole spring frost without even straining himself. Radar lets himself have a single moment of leaning back into him, swishing his hips so he can feel how Hawk's slowly hardening and charm a quivering groan out of him. When he's got Hawkeye starting to loosen up, he turns his head and comes up unsteadily on his tiptoes to kiss his chin.

"C'mere," he murmurs, bringing him toward the other back corner of storage, where they often end up unpacking a lot of the boxes when they get a big shipment. There's a long, sturdy table that Radar knows from sheer bad timing gets used just as much for the tiny nurses they've got here and the giant surgeons to...well. It's probably a good thing that Major Houlihan always gets somebody to scrub it down before they cover it in supplies.

It's quieter over here too, out of sight, shadowy. It's kind of like they're hiding, but he really doesn't wanna think of it that way. Hiding like in a pillow fort or a treehouse. Playing hooky for fun, not trembling or scared.

As Radar turns to face him, there's a jolt—a beat of hesitation—before Hawkeye licks his lips and sighs. This happens sometimes. When they're back to front, Hawk's plenty playful. He'll tease and joke, thumb over Radar's nipples, leave little bites on his neck and shoulder. When they're face to face, it's like Hawkeye sees them both for exactly who they are, where they are, what they want, and there'll be a pulse of guilt. Radar keeps trying to find a way to tell him that he doesn't have to be afraid of this, but it's not exactly easy when he shouldn't know it's there in the first place.

"I wanted to see you," Radar murmurs as he pulls Hawkeye in and drapes his arms around his waist. "I missed you. Thought about you a lot all day."

That makes him chuckle. "Little minx. When you were supposed to be focusing on your work?" Hawk drawls as he thumbs along Radar's cheek.

Radar rolls his eyes and grins. "It was filing. I can file with my hands tied behind my back. More fun to think about you. In here. With me." With each pause, he sways a little in place like they're slow dancing in the O-Club.

Hawkeye's eyelashes flutter. Sometimes Radar thinks he might not know exactly how gorgeous he is from head to toe, especially when he relaxes, when he lets somebody else take the lead for a change. He's distracted now. Happy. "What exactly were we doing? In here? Together?" he asks in a husky tone, fingers drawing patterns over Radar's back.

"You want me to tell you or show you?" It's a genuine question but the rushing wave of Hawkeye's desire practically bowls him over.

Hawkeye cranes down to kiss him, one gentle moment of contact. "Show me. Make me feel it. Lemme give you what you want, Radar."

His own need pours down on him like a thunderstorm, almost instantly getting him hard. So annoying when it happens. He's trying to stay focused here and instead he has to fight through the lightheadedness of the rush, white-knuckling his way to clarity. Hawkeye ruins him. Absolutely levels him like a tornado. It's overwhelming every time.

But it's not what he wants right now. And it's not what Hawkeye needs, no matter what he thinks.

Radar slides his leg in between Hawkeye's, his thick thigh pressing flush against Hawk's hardness, and such a sweet, high sound needs to be illegal because he thinks if somebody could bottle that up, it'd stop traffic, crash airplanes, ruin the stock market all over again from everyone's need to slow down and let it shiver through them.

He's anticipating how Hawk's holding on too tight as well. One of them needs to let go for this to work, and it's not gonna be Radar. "Feels good, Hawkeye," he whispers. "Want... Wanna do this for you. That okay?"

That tenuous grip starts to loosen. "Wh-What do you want?" Hawkeye practically pleads.

It's crystal clear what he's asking, but Radar's already made up his mind. He was never all that good at sports or anything, but all the poker he's played over here have taught him exactly when to push his luck. "Tell you later. C'mere."

Finally Hawkeye gives in, moving into Radar like a wave. It's instinctive for Radar to throw a hand behind him just in time to keep from bruising his back on the edge of the table. All at once he's pinned between it and Hawkeye, but Hawk's tucking an arm behind him so he has something to lean into, and as Hawk rests his forehead on top of Radar's head, tiny, shocky breaths tickle his hair while he rocks against his thigh.

He knows Hawk likes it like this still, both of them in their clothes. He always says he's just taking it slow for both of their sakes—which is a laugh, really, since Hawkeye's never taken anything slow outside of OR, and meanwhile Radar's never actually had real sex before, the kind with going inside somebody and all that, but he has fumbled around with a couple of the guys back home and knows where everything is and how it should probably be touched, at least, so it's not like he's scared—but Radar's pretty sure he knows the truth. He's tried before to point out to Hawk that his mom and dad had a whole twelve years between them, that he doesn't have anything to worry about, but then an ache had rippled out of Hawkeye and bruised Radar with the kind of force that almost brought tears to his eyes. Just this long stare. Sure, Hawk had thrown an arm around his shoulder after that and kissed his forehead and ruffled his hair, but he'd made sure they weren't alone together for a good week or two, no matter how something inside him kept calling for Radar across camp like a turtledove.

Sometimes Hawkeye gets too caught up in his head when they're doing something like this. It still makes Radar flush to speak up, but he tries all the same to draw him out. "Is it good, Hawk?"

"So good," he breathes back. "Can, can you, uh..."

Hawkeye's body sings for him when they're together, but if Radar focuses past the stammering and the embarrassment, he can feel the itching in Hawk's waist, and as he tentatively touches his hips, the punched-out moan and sudden buck forward tells him everything he needs to know. Radar holds on tight, coaxes him into a specific rhythm, thinks he could pass out just from the tiny grunts that slip out of Hawk's mouth every time he crushes Radar against the table.

It's perfect. It's exactly right, one of those beautiful moments of Colonel Blake's desk being organized just so or Radar being right on time to take the mail bag before the driver even puts the jeep into park. Radar can't help but grin as he nuzzles Hawkeye's throat and leaves another few wet kisses there.

That alone seems to stir something in Hawk, an alertness that cuts through like a knife. "No, hold on, I wanna..." He fights Radar's grip long enough to slip his own leg forward and press it against Radar's bulge, suffocatingly trapped in too-tight fatigues.

"Hey, quit," Radar murmurs in good humor but firmly all the same. "Uh-uh, c'mon, lemme do you first and then we'll see." He moves his body so Hawk has room to rub but so he can't make Radar grind on him in turn. It's just that his head gets foggy when he and Hawkeye are getting each other off at the same time. He stops being able to tap into that flow that lets him know if Hawk's really okay or if he's just blunting something, burying it so it doesn't have to see the light of day.

He used to sense that part a lot before Radar made his first quiet, nervous, shy move. Sometimes he'd be curled up and trying to fall asleep and he'd feel it bubbling up like a volcano, these silent screams that kept getting gagged more and more violently every time, and he'd know in a guilty mix of grief and arousal that Hawkeye was losing himself in a nurse so he didn't lose his mind instead.

He doesn't...really like it when Hawk tries to pull that one with him. It's not often—it's probably more force of habit when he flirts with the edges of it—but it does make Radar feel a little like a faceless object rather than himself. It can suck him in too if he's not careful, this blissful void that he and Hawkeye float in together with rippling waves of pleasure coursing through. Anytime Radar shakes him out of it, the sharp edge of self-directed anger will pulse inside of Hawk, and it's a lot like soothing one of his goats on the farm, bringing Hawkeye back down, reminding him that there's nothing to worry about or be mad over, just this, just them.

If Hawkeye gets to keep them both fully clothed, then Radar gets to keep them both fully in their own bodies. That's what relationships are about, right? Compromise.

But right now, it's good. It's everything he wants. It's the stuff he dreams about or thinks on when he gets to shower alone, just him and Hawk being together with nothing else in the way, giving each other everything they need and a whole lot more besides, drowning in—

BANG-BANG-BANG.

Hawkeye throws himself into the nearest shelf as Radar bites down the nauseating lurch of panic. Hold on, hold on, listen, focus... But there's no danger around, no casualties, no shells, nothing. Just somebody who pounded on the supply tent door as they walked by, then kept going. Radar's seen them do it before, some of the other enlisted, knows how they'll take note of the hanger and decide they're gonna spook whoever's inside and see if they can ruin their good time, but it's never happened to him and Hawk, and especially never when they're getting together in broad daylight, doing things that'll...

Radar grabs at his chest, taking his breathing down as quickly as he can. He expects Hawk to be comforting him, really, given the kind of guy he is, but...but when Radar looks up, Hawkeye's white as a sheet, a hand over his mouth, eyes squeezed shut, and bent over like he's been kicked in the gut. He's screaming inside so loudly that when Radar tunes in, it almost deafens him.

"Hawk, it's okay." He hurries forward and grabs for his hand. He wishes it wasn't so relieving that Hawkeye lets him have it instead of pulling away completely and cutting this thing off like Radar bets he imagines doing at least once a day. "Hey, hey, it's just a prank, you know how the guys are." Radar thumbs through the waves of panic while making circles on his skin. "They do that all the time."

"Yeah." Hawkeye shudders from head to toe. "Yeah, no, they're, they're fucking hilarious." It's like he can't even look at Radar. Now's when he pulls at his grip and tries to walk away, but Radar refuses to let him go.

"It's not funny, really, I-I..." The words aren't what he's good at. They don't come as pretty like they do to Hawkeye or Father Mulcahy or even Colonel Blake. "But it's okay, all right? Nobody came in."

"But one day, Radar, they're not gonna stop at a knock, do you understand that?" Hawkeye whips around with gritted teeth and glares at him, finally snatching his hand away. "Th-This isn't smart, what we're doing. At some point, something's gonna blow up, and I don't need you getting caught in the crossfire."

One moment, Radar is careful and concerned. The next, he's got anger that's flaring up into the canvas ceiling and threatening to burn the whole camp down. "Hey, I'm not some dumb kid whose back you've gotta watch, you know. If some guy in the White House thinks I'm old enough to be drafted, then I'm sure as heck old enough to get mixed up with you and know what's on the line."

Hawk stabs his pointer finger behind him. "They're not gonna know that, Radar! All they're gonna see is you getting taken advantage of, and no matter how it shakes out, that's gonna follow you for the rest of your goddamn life!"

"Well, how do you see me, huh?" Radar stomps up until they're chest to chest, his neck aching with how far back he has to tip his head to keep the blistering eye contact. "Do you think I'm a kid?"

"Of course I don't!" A reverberation of confusion, disgust, fury, an awful-tasting cocktail but fervent enough that Radar knows he's sincere.

"So what's it matter what anybody else thinks? You and me know the truth, don't we? God, Hawk, I... Sometimes I feel like I'm a million years old, like we've been here all our lives or something. I haven't been a kid in ages, just like you."

But he's not hearing him. Hawkeye looks away, scoffs, shaking his head. "I'm the one who's supposed to know better. I'm the one who lets it happen. God, what's the fucking matter with—"

Radar grabs him by the lapels of his jacket and yanks him down so they're at eye level, seething. "I'm the one who came after you first. I'm the one who kissed you. I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you try and convince yourself that you're the guy taking advantage of me when I-I've been, I've been chasing you like a damn bull without a lick of sense! And it's 'cuz I like you and I want you, and, and..." Oh, it's not smart of him, not a darn bit, but Hawkeye is seeing him right now, listening, not trying to get away, brow furrowed, lips parted, like something's changing, and Radar'll sooner run straight into the minefield than give him room to justify his fear again. So when Radar cups Hawkeye's cock in his hand—still half hard—he fights like hell not to let his hand shake like a fella who has no idea what he's doing.

Hawk sucks in a sharp gasp and tries to lurch back, but Radar tightens his grip on the jacket and yanks him back in. Another jolt pulses through, and it takes a few seconds to realize that Radar's practically soaring above them both right now. The heat of Hawk's terrified fury tangled up with his own irritation and fired him off like a catapult.

This is what he's gotta watch out for. He'll never understand how he sank into Hawkeye like this before he ever saw him, but it's in him all the same, and it can make him do some really stupid stuff if he's not careful. Radar lets out a trembling breath as he slides his hand up from the lapel and wraps it around the back of Hawkeye's neck. It's more intimate-like here. "Please, please don't be scared, Hawkeye," Radar whispers. "Please."

Even when Hawk tries one last time to pull away, Radar sinks his fingers in deeper, holding firm, touching their foreheads together. His other hand feels a little clumsy, trying to find a good rhythm and pressure through two layers of clothes, but Hawk's still whimpering through his bitten-together lips. He's back to almost bursting out of his fatigues, so whatever's going on, it has to mean Radar's not messing up or making it bad, right?

"You're gonna come for me, okay, Hawkeye?" Radar prompts quietly.

After a moment of hesitation, Hawk nods and lets out a strangled sob.

"Wish I could feel it," Radar admits. Hawk's practically burning a hole through his trousers, he's so hot and hard, but it's not the same as it could be. He wonders sometimes if he'll ever know how silky or wet he might be in Radar's palm. "I-I think about it all the time, you know. Your cock." When Hawkeye chokes on a gasp, Radar's emboldened enough to keep going. "I bet it's real pretty, Hawk, when it's all hard for me. I kinda want to..." He knows it's not stupid to fantasize about—he's heard the other fellas bragging when they come back from their time with a business girl or five, the things those women are so good at doing that maybe a wife never would—but he's still beet red as the confession slips free. "I think about sucking on it a lot, Hawkeye. You probably make the best sounds when you're in somebody's mouth, don't you?"

"Fuck..." Hawkeye suddenly cradles Radar's head in both hands, their brows pressing hard enough to bruise. His fingertips hurt too, honestly, but they're such a visceral sign of how Hawk doesn't want to let him go that Radar thinks he'd probably let him cling on as long as he wanted no matter what.

The idea of clinging brings another image to mind, similarly bashful—there's absolutely no way Hawk would let him do it, not a chance, not when he's so much older and taller and all that—but Hawkeye's starting to tremble and there's nothing but a steaming ocean leaking out of his ears, so Radar figures maybe he can offer it anyway, see if it helps his inexperienced touch get Hawk where he needs to go. "Hawk, d-d'you ever let a guy be inside you? Does it feel good when they fuck you?"

The dam bursts and Radar's instantly thrown by the deluge as Hawkeye comes with a shout. Hawk's legs give out and he leans his full weight into Radar, makes him need to plant his legs as firmly as he can just so they don't collapse straight to the floor. It's more of a slow, controlled stumbling, guiding Hawkeye back with him until Radar can lean into the table again and hold him as tight as can be.

This is one of the first times he can really feel a sense of true equality between them. Radar's not fumbling. Hawk's not being so tentative that it almost poisons the mood. They're just two men clinging to each other in the middle of a war zone, refusing to let each other go no matter what.

It takes some time for Hawkeye to come back from that fuzzy state of mind that Radar loves feeling him drift through. There's not a care in the world when Hawk's there. He can finally let things go and stop trying to take all God's responsibilities away for once. "Radar, I-I..." Hawkeye breathes a chuckle as he nuzzles at his throat and plays with his hair, drawing pleasant shivers over his scalp. "Why're you so good to me, huh?"

Radar blinks, almost irritated at a question with such an obvious answer. "Because I like you, Hawkeye. Why does anybody do any of this stuff? I mean, you're something real special. A guy'd have to be an idiot if he didn't wanna take care of you."

There it is, that familiar ache, the one that will so often make Hawkeye pull back from him. But beneath it, the foundation is a different shade, it seems. A softer color. As Hawkeye bumps their noses together, he studies Radar's face with an intensity that he usually only sees if Hawk's practically elbow deep in a body. "Radar, you're worth more to me than all the stars in the goddamn sky. All the nudie mags in the world. Every drop of actually decent scotch."

He's still recovering from that first one, honestly. It's not fair for Hawk to start off with something like that and then go into the jokey ones afterward. But that's the way about him. Says what he means then hides it in plain sight. And as much as Radar really wants to hold his hand and ask him to go home with him one day, he also knows with an unfortunate certainty that there's a heck of a lot more war to go before any of them are getting out of it. Things change. So it's okay. He'll hedge too. "Because you like me back?"

"Because I like you back," Hawk drawls. He hesitates, then presses their lips together, the slow and sweet gliding that Radar knows that he knows that Radar likes. Because that's what it's about, compromise. Radar'll hold back his dreams of a future and Hawkeye will be brave enough to love on Radar exactly as he likes without apologizing for the bone-deep desire to love on him at all.

It's tempting to pull Hawkeye so close that neither of them can breathe. Radar's throbbing in his fatigues hard enough that his whole body feels like it's pulsating. But he drinks this kiss up instead and stores it deep inside for a lonely night when he's feeling Hawk calling him, when he knows Hawk doesn't even realize he's doing it, when Radar can't sneak into the Swamp and answer him with a coo of his own. Radar's the one to break the kiss before Hawkeye can start making good on the wordless notions he's trying to warm Radar up for. "You've gotta go shower."

"Au contraire," Hawk purrs with a smirk as he rubs a dizzying circle on Radar's abdomen with his thumb. "I've gotta return the favor."

"It's not a favor." Radar flicks him on the chest, then tries not to laugh when Hawkeye jolts away with a sharp yowl. "And your post-op shift's coming up, so you've gotta get to getting, or else."

Hawk growls, then steals another kiss, then another, a chain of quick pecks that tickle and fill Radar's chest with brightly-colored bubbles. "Meet me here tonight. I want you feeling so good, you don't remember your Form A from Z."

Boy, he sure makes it hard for a fella not to go straight to the latrine and get himself off, doesn't he? Radar whines as he takes one last kiss of his own, then pushes him. "Just go already, will ya?"

Hawk backs up toward the door, eyes sparkling, a wide grin on his face. "I haven't even told you what time to meet me."

"I'll know you're here, doncha understand that? I always hear it when you call."

Something flickers across Hawkeye's face, and though Radar can't parse through expressions as well as he wants to learn how to one day, the tenderness that wells up is a magnet that he has to fight tooth and nail against. He's said too much, probably. He's not ready for Hawkeye to know how Radar can feel the magnitude of desire he has for him without moving a muscle. Hawk takes a deep breath. "Radar, I—"

"You're gonna lose that open stall in about forty-five seconds, Hawkeye, just tell me tonight, okay?" Radar shoos him off like he's a flock of hungry chickens.

Hawkeye chuckles with a shake of his head. "All right, cutie, it's a date." He winks at Radar, leaves him smitten and breathless as Hawk sweeps out of the storage tent and casts a sparkling trail behind him.

#wow that was a fun but painful ride holy hell #ty so much for the prompt!#radar o'reilly #hawkeye pierce #radarhawk #my writing #ask meme replies

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halamet-chalamet · 10 months

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Helloo!!! I saw you do the mgg/dpencer reid ship, and said Why not give it a go?

I am 5'3, short fluffy brunette hair kind of gal. My friends tell me my eyes are the "dead eye" shape. They are the color Green Tail btw.

I wouldn't say I am skinny, but I am in the middle, curvy maybe, but not skinny or mid-size.

I am an extrovert, always seeking for adventure and making new friends. I am loud and energetic most of the time. I can be very dramatic, but also fairly realistic. I am like the mom friend, always talking for others and taking care. I am sarcastic and try to put humor in things. Its just how I cope. I also have anxiety, but it is not that bad now, it used to eat me alive, but now it only catches me when there is something very stressful.

My hobbies are drawing and painting. Gifted child moment here. I also play the guitar and sing. Reading is also something I like to do.

But fairly, i HATE maths and physics, also the heat.

I adore animals, I havw a big ol cat myself. I like the rain, binge warching shows and definitely sleeping..

My mom would call my style sometimes boyish and sometimes classy. I love wearing baggy clothes but I also love wearing tight clothes. Bright colors ans mute colors..

Thats all ig, I hope you have a nice day and I send you all my ❤️

Thank you for sending me all your ❤️ I’m having a nice day :) you sound awesome by the way! I’m going to do you and Spence <3

Alright sis

You gotta drag Spence a little bit out of his comfort zone to do some adventurous things with you

Let’s be fair he is in the FBI and loves the adrenaline rush

But he’s also always on the lookout being really cautious

So you gotta help him be a tad more carefree to go on adventures with you!!!

When you and Spencer get together Morgan starts calling you both mom and dad

It’s clear you’re the mom friend which just makes Spencer honorary dad friend (besides Hotch ofc ofc)

It takes Spence a little while to get used to your sarcasm but he does eventually and you guys can go back and forth forever!

Especially after all our boys trauma he needs some coping humor

He’s so proud of you for overcoming some of your anxiety

You guys can help each other!

When you’re overly stressed he’ll do a great job of calming you and your anxieties down

And it goes the other way around

You sound super caring so I’m sure you would provide great comfort for Spence after a bad case or seeing/ thinking of his parents.

Art datessssss

He wants to paint with you

Man’s wants to draw with you

He’s better at drawing because his line work is really good :)

Wants to hear you sing and play guitar!!

Gives you books he wants you to read! And loves to see your monthly book picks!

Let’s be honest here

He doesn’t understand your hate for math

“It’s vital to our very existence!” Is what he likes to tell you when you complain about math (because math sucks)

He for real hits you with random math facts at some point just to see you get slightly annoyed. He thinks it’s cute

I stand by this next statement no matter what

SPENCER LOVES CATS

He is a cat person

Looooves them

He loves your cat!! And tries to pick it up and gives you cute cat facts! *cue awwww track*

Spencer will almost never pick a show unless it’s Star Trek or Dr Who

So he sits and binges with you whatever show you’re watching at the moment

He also analyzes the characters and can predict what’s going to happen sooo easy

But he doesn’t spoil it if you don’t want him to

He’s down for your eclectic fashion

And honestly always gets a little excited to see what you’re wearing this time

Sometimes he even tries to find an outfit to match the colors you’re wearing that day

Cute couples stuff I hope you enjoy <33 you sound like a fun person!!

#mathew gray gubler ships #mgg ships #spencer reid #criminal minds #mathew gray gubler #mgg fanfiction #spencerreid #send requests!#spencer reid x reader #mathew gray gubler x reader #criminal minds headcanons #anabelle’s thoughts

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tiktowafel · 2 years

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Hey love your headcanons! I was wondering if you have any for Tsuburaba?

yup i have many! i love this boy so much

the majority of the class 1b fandom seems to agree that this dude is a total memelord and i honestly can't look him in those googly eyes and disagree with that

he definitely spams the class group chat with memes, recreates vines with his friends, quotes them all the time, gets mildly upset every time someone doesn't understand a reference and acts like he has memorized every knowyourmeme article in existence

i think he's just class 1-b's main funny guy in general, always joking around, telling wacky stories, pulling pranks and just trying to make everyone laugh :)

speaking of pranks: he loves pulling them because his quirk is perfect for that purpose. he did the "putting walls of solid air in doorways and waiting for someone to bump into them" one so may times it's more annoying than funny at this point, but it's his favorite nonetheless. mainly because he really enjoys watching certain people (usually Awase or Kamakiri, the ones who swear the most) get ridiculously pissed over it lol

he also uses his quirk to make little glass figures. he's not much of an artist so they usually come out really wonky but everyone thinks theyre cute

lung capacity has a lot to do with physical endurance so i guess he does long distance running as a form of quirk training? i feel like hes a pretty sporty person in general considering ball sports are canonically one of his favorite things

as much as he likes his quirk, he has to admit that it can be pretty damn inconvenient sometimes. for example respiratory diseases make it go haywire and it's incredibly annoying because it activates every time he coughs or sneezes

(can you tell i love his quirk and think about it a lot?? because i love his quirk and think about it a lot)

his life motto is probably something like "the more stupid shit you do, the more funny stories you'll have to tell your friends later!" because he always gets himself in trouble in dumbest ways possible and then walks up to people like "hey wanna hear about my latest near death experience"

but he's an amazing storyteller, really. this man's got such a way with words that everyone likes listening to him

he'd actually make a pretty good teacher.... if he wasn't absolutely terrible at almost everything school related

english is his only really strong school subject (90% of his skills comes from watching yt videos and looking at memes in english). he's pretty bad at everything else because his memory sucks and he can't pay attention in class to save his life

Rin is usually the one who helps him with studying. this is the main reason why they're close because Rin has the soul of an old man and doesn't get Tsuburaba's sense of humor at all lmao

the people who definitely do get his sense of humor are Tokage and Fukidashi. they're the meme trio of class 1-b and they have a separate group chat that exists for shitposting purposes only

he's also really good friends with Kaibara and Awase, the other two common sense kings, plus Tetsutetsu and Kamakiri, buuut i'm too lazy to talk about it rn lol

Yanagi on the other hand really doesn't like him. she considers him an annoying pervert and treats him like a sworn rival. he likes messing with her in return despite not really understanding why she hates him so much. the rest of the class thinks their interactions are hilarious

i mean he's canonically pretty dirty minded, but he's no Mineta!

sure he laughs at dirty jokes and often catches himself staring at people but he usually keeps his... thoughts to himself

idk for some reasons he seems like the kind of guy who sleeps naked (obviously he wears a robe when walking around the dorms)

it's a very good way to keep Tetsutetsu out of his room because Tetsu's the kind of guy who likes storming into peoples rooms in the morning like "it's a beautiful day outside bro!! the birds are singing and the sun is shining, get out of bed and go eat a healthy breakfast!!!" and Tsuburaba needs his beauty sleep lmao

(well maybe he wouldn't need it if he didn't stay up till 3am watching meme compilations on youtube every night)

every common sense king knows how to play an instrument and Tsuburaba's no exception. he's an absolute master at playing the kazoo

and also at whistling

fuck canon. this man has freckles

since freckled people don't tan very well, he gets sunburns a lot. it's not his fault he likes going outside and just forgets his sunscreen sumetimes :(

everyone in his family is taller than him and he hates it

speaking of his family, he has two older siblings - a brother and a sister, and i actually have character designs for them and their parents too (i also made up families for a bunch of other students. maybe one day i'll get myself to draw them and write some headcanons?)

that's all for today! i wanted to make this a bit more serious but decided not to because... idk man i didn't feel like it

#kosei tsuburaba #tsuburaba kosei #class 1b headcanons #class 1b #bnha #tikto's headcanons #its kinda funny how much i like him #like this man has 0 canon personality traits hes my 2nd favorite character in 1b solely because of headcanons #i have 20 reasons to like him and theyre all made up #also #the tsuburaba and yanagi are rivals concept is borrowed from two guys i know from reddit

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heavenlytheainbox · 6 months

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"where i go in imagination, i go in the flesh" i know that this just means what's accepted in imagination externalizes, so hypothetically if i choose to not study for a test but i remain in the state of the wish fulfilled in imagination, that i'll pass it and that i know everything on the test, it won't manifest? since me choosing to not study could be indicative that i'm actuslly in the state of lack? basically my question is would what i want (the test was just an example, but this question is really for all desires) still manifest regardless of what i do or don't in the 3d as long as i stay in the SOWF and not identify with what im doing or not doing in the 3d? because some bloggers say that it does matter and others say that it doesn't and i don't know who to believe because they've all been right about what they say before

yes, your state is what gets reflected in the 3d regardless of your actions.

"We will not have to lift a finger to make it so, for it is already so. It was always so. " - Neville Goddard

lack exists only in your mind - in your feeling state. lack cannot be caused by physical action. you simply feel lack in your mind and associate it with certain physical situation or action afterwards.

now, it's good to be honest with yourself though. i'll go with your example of studying for the test cuz it's actually a really good one. if choose not to study for a test from a subject you are naturally good at (aka you've always been assuming you're good at it without even knowing it's your own assumption and not natural talent that brings you great results) you won't feel bad about it. you know you're good at this subject and you can get an amazing grade even without the act of studying. you don't feel any lack connected to the choice of not studying. and this is the kind of belief you should embrace even for other subjects where you may not feel so naturally gifted.

if you choose not to study for a subject that you believe you suck at, you might feel the lack in your mind. but the "problem" is your feeling state not whether you do or don't do the studying.

so you absolutely don't have to do any physical action to see your desires come to fruition in the 3d. it completely depends on your feeling state, but sometimes doing a certain action might help you to stand more firmly in the wish fulfilled. in the case of a test from a subject you feel like you're bad at, just quickly skimming through the topic might help you feel calmer and keep you in the wish fulfilled.

if there is an action connected to your desire that you would actually enjoy doing and it makes you feel firmer about having your desire, there's no reason why you shouldn't do it. it's just a placebo and if it can help you, great. but if you feel certain about your desire without any action, or you genuinely don't want to do anything, don't force yourself.

so to sum it up: only your feeling state / belief is what gets reflected in your physical world. but physical actions can sometimes help you stay in a certain feeling state. they're not necessary, but can be helpful. just listen to yourself and feel out how you actually wanna go about it :)

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fangable · 9 months

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5, 6, 8, 17, and 20 for Veronica! On the meta questions ask game.

I wish to know the vampire secrets!

thank you very much my friend!!!!!!

5. What kind of abilities and power level does your oc have? Why did you give them their powers? What's the in-universe reason?

veronica currently has blood potency 2 (she's a 10th gen ancilla), presence 4, celerity & auspex 1 and dominate 2! she's very much presence-focused, she spent most of her unlife as a spy and she preferred to use charm to make people spill their secrets.

i really wanted to give her dominate though, and the explanation i originally suggested to my storyteller was that she sucked it out of some poor fledgling while participating in gustav breidenstein's hunts:

(Camarilla sourcebook, p. 41)

this however is subject to change because i'm trying to come up with a better story!

6. What are the weaknesses in their power? Why did you give them their weaknesses? What's the in-universe reason?

i'm not quite sure how to interpret this question in veronica's case, so i think i'm just going to talk about the flaws i gave her!

enemy - this one comes from her predator type, which is siren. it's an ex-lover of hers named basilius, but the reason he's her enemy has less to do with the fact that they're exes and more with the fact that she wanted to open her own photo studio and he became convinced that they'd run it together. so now he feels cheated out of a business

stalkers - she's 1. a siren and 2. a decently popular photographer, so i figured it wouldn't be much of a stretch to give her this one

bond junkie - one of her convictions is that she won't let anyone control her, which comes from the fact that she's already spent roughly 60 years blood bound to her sire. she is also a hopeless hedonist. so i figured that giving her this flaw could be a source of some delicious delicious inner turmoil in the future

prey exclusion (unwashed and unkempt people) - went with this to highlight that she's still a pretty stereotypical vain & arrogant toreador sometimes

suspect (camarilla loyalists) - she's left the ivory tower not too long ago, so some of the camarilla kindred would certainly be pretty offended if she ever dared to speak to them

8. Does your oc have any notable flaws or activities they're not good at? Why did you give them those flaws? Why do they exist in-universe?

she's quite bad at pretty much anything physical. she has some fencing skills (courtesy of her sire who's a talented fencer), but other than that she's never really had a reason to learn how to fight. until now, that is - turns out that as an anarch you might need to get your hands dirty a bit more often.

17. List/describe up to five tropes that apply to your oc. They could be related to the oc's characterization or their narrative arc.

tragic backstory - oh she's got one. cushy life as a kid, losing it all and having to fend for herself before she hit adulthood, being blood bound for over half a century, multiple lovers who are now dead

the promiscuous bi/pansexual - i have nothing to say in my defence. she likes to have fun!!!

femme fatale girlboss whatever other words there might be. she's a businesswoman who will absolutely step on you

is "divorce coded" a trope? it should be a trope

20. Share a random piece of trivia about the creation of your oc. Examples: scrapped ideas or changes you didn't expect to make.

random piece of trivia: veronica is partially based on a sim-turned-oc i had as a teenager! her name was lilith, she was the firstborn child of a vampire lady and her crime boss husband, and had a penchant for killing family members and acquaintances. i'm not gonna lie i was a pretty edgy teenager.

so knowing that, you can see why it was so funny when veronica got invited to join the bahari. it wasn't something i ever planned for her but once she had the opportunity i knew i could NOT pass up on that

#oc veronica rosenfeld #❤❤❤

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lesbianslovebts · 10 months

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Seeing how HYBE sabotaged FACE, JITB and INDIGO and went all out for SEVEN is so fucking disappointing. But what’s even worse is how Jungkook was bought by both HYBE and Scooter to sell a whole persona and image that was never his authentic self.

i always knew jk wasnt perfect and had an extremely immature side to him. but i always thought one thing : he would never sell out. his whole thing was “rather be dead than cool” he even got it tattooed. either all of that was just bullcrap or he’s genuinely changed completely right in front of our eyes. how can he just sell out completely and ruin bts’s group principles. principles most of them still abide by and pride themselves in. and dont even get me started on the fandom reaction everything is bad until a bts member does it lol

Okay, let me arrange my thoughts.

First, I know very little about how the music industry works, let alone the intricacies of how HYBE does business. I won't deny that the chapter two solo promotions have been vastly different. However, I can't make any assumptions about why the differences exist. I just honestly don't know the level of involvement or decision-making power the members had in their solo stuff. I know Jimin mentioned wanting more than the two music videos he got. I'm sure Hobi wanted physical albums, too. So I know they don't always get what they want, and it doesn't sit well with me that they didn't have consistent promotions. HYBE is a massive corporation and they're gonna prioritize what they think will make more money over what the members may want, and that sucks ass. But I'm not sure if "sabotage" is the right word because HYBE wants their artists to succeed (i.e., generate profit). I don't know, like...that's just Capitalism, baby.

Second, I don't know much about Scooter Braun, either. He's a filthy rich man, so I'm sure he's Awful lol.

Third, I'm genuinely not sure what you mean by "Jungkook sold out." Are you upset that he was given the song instead of composing it himself? That's usually how popstars work lol. Or are you mad that he didn't write the English lyrics? The fact it's in English in the first place? I personally would have preferred a song in Korean, but he can sing in whatever language he chooses. Or do you hate the people who did write/compose the song? Is it Latto? I don't know all these people. 😩 Or is it the content of the lyrics? Considering how you're going on about "principles," I have a feeling you're offended that the lyrics are about Big Bad Sex. I'm sorry, but he's a 25-year-old man who probably fucks on the regular. I would recommend coming to terms with that.

Fourth, how do you know which highly curated public persona of Jungkook is the "authentic" 전정국? It sounds like you might be struggling with a parasocial relationship. As a fan for 8 years, I feel like I "know" the guy to some extent, but I'm aware that I will never know what Jungkook is truly like in real, everyday life.

And lastly, so no one misunderstands my personal opinion of the song, this is what I think: It's alright. Kinda bland. Generic pop isn't really my thing. I would've preferred Korean lyrics and no featured artist. (Nothing against Latto, though - I liked her part.) The lyrics are corny, especially the part where he's literally just singing the days of the week lmao. But I like the horny direction we're heading in fhdhahfj. I'll probably listen to it sometimes. 🤷‍♂️

#llbtsanswer #llbtspost

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shrimpmandan · 9 months

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Ngl I have a hard time understanding the whole romantic attraction concept, not necessarily in an aro way, more in a "what does that even mean/feel like" way. That and I guess even though I do feel romantic feelings for people, the way I approach romantic relationships would probably come off as overly pragmatic and cold to most. If I see my partner as someone who is only going to drag me down in the long term (particularly mentally), then I don't feel bad about breaking things off. I've never been one to understand why people get so scared of telling their partner they want to break up, barring abusive situations of course. If someone isn't doing anything to benefit my existence, then why should I keep them around?

As a kid (and for most of my life), my crushes on real people felt mostly forced. In the realms of real, actual, living breathing people-- I've felt physical attraction like, 3 times tops. But physical attraction is more intense, more noticeable. Romantic attraction is nebulous and mostly comes up with people I view as friends, as opposed to going out of my way to meet people and designate them as potential romantic candidates. There's also the fact that I lose my spark in relationships very quickly. Sometimes it's due to toxicity, but often I just stop caring. The feeling isn't as exciting anymore. On the one hand: I'm not monogamous and my love language is physical, which sucks when I've only done LDRs. On the other hand, there's this surface level "holy shit new person" phase I have with basically everyone, and then it suddenly seems like I stop caring about them from their perspective. That pressure is infinitely worse with romantic relationships than with platonic ones, wherein romantic relationships you're expected to be always involved and always as passionately invested as you were before. All this is FURTHER confused by the fact that I can't tell if most of my sexual/romantic thoughts are intrusive as opposed to genuine.

I wouldn't consider myself aro, but I can kinda see what they're talking about. The extremely rigid idea of what platonic and romantic relationships should look like, as well as how those expectations lead to heartbreak and people feeling like they're broken or just "not fit for romance". I very much desire companionship. I feel more fulfilled when I'm in romantic relationships. It's just that my idea of romance is vastly different from other people's, and those expectations have tangibly hurt me in the past and continue to do so. I think a lot of it is just neurodivergence and trauma. I form attachments weirdly and when I try to warn people of that, they don't listen and then try to frame me as being neglectful as opposed to someone who expresses their love and affection in unconventional ways. I don't care about grand romantic gestures, or cringy love poetry, or a bouquet of roses. I just want companionship. Quiet, expectationless, mutually understood companionship.

Honestly I think I'm more attracted to concepts than I am to people. And it's frustrating being unable to articulate that or just have it broadly ignored because it's funnier to call me out for being horny. But I… just don't have a consistent type. People can try to show me characters and say "smash or pass" but my answer would realistically be ambivalence. People can point and laugh at me for "having a crush on Simon Cowell as a 7 year old" but won't listen when I say later that it was a forced attraction like many of my other childhood crushes (barring fucking Bowser and Foxy) were, because that's not as funny.

#personal

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catsconflictscopicsandchamomile · 10 months

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hey um this is a real fucking vent of a post maybe dont read if ur triggered easily by family/abuse stuff. I just had to get it out im sry. its not too coherent

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. my dad. one second we're having a normal conversation about art. then he's screaming at me to shut the fuck up, swearing at me, telling me how behind everyone else my age I am, telling me that I DON'T deserve respect or to be treated like a human, mock-bowing to me while laughing at me and saying that I think I'm sooooo important "like some kind of fucking princess" bc I said I don't deserve to be treated like I'm not human. yelling at me over and over to "shut my fucking mouth", saying that this is why I have no friends, why I lose every friendship I care about, and that he can throw me out right now if I keep "pushing it" and he won't care and there's nothing I can do about it. that I don't have real friends and can't name them. that I'm only acting how I am because I'm "on my period and a bit wacky".

....what sparked this? I said I wash underwear in hot water after I buy it, and that it didn't matter if that was "logical" or not bc I only buy new undies once every year or two. that's what sparked this whole thing. that and me saying "How dare you.I don't deserve to be treated this way." when he blew up. ...literally just yesterday he was saying how he's so proud of me and loves me. not even 24 hours ago he was saying that he could see how hard I'm working and that he understands if I need a break because I'm doing so well. ten MINUTES AGO we were talking about art, looking at the bedsheet I'd ordered and he was complimenting my choices and saying he'd put me in charge of buying new sheets for the household soon. TEN MINUTES AGO. what HAPPENED.

...and I know he'll just go back to loving & respecting me after (insert length of time here) when he feels like it, and until then I'll be excluded from all family interactions, treated like a literal threat and monster at all times, called "my abuser" instead of "my daughter", and forced to hide. ...and then I'll be his Amazing Smart Hardworking Daughter again, unless I bring ANY of this up in which case it will go from Bad to Worst and I am now "THE abuser". this is how it goes. this is how it's gone for a decade. why do I always forget this part when things are good. Even if I write it down or record it (THAT WAS A BAD IDEA HE GOT SO PISSED) it feels...fake??? like it just doesn't exist. I am fully aware that this is gaslighting.

I am fully aware that he does this and simultaneously presents himself to the community as an example of RECOVERY from abuse and has CONSIDERED BECOMING A THERAPIST. I don't have shit on him bc I have nowhere else to go, and I'm not in physical danger. staying here until I can get into college and/or get a job IS my best bet, bc while this is traumatic and unpredictable he's fully all bark, no bite. the majority-ish of the time, things are good. He does house and support me despite having just lost his job (though I'm paying for a lot of the groceries- no job here either), and he's actually been really amazing & supportive this year in general... except when he does This.

and GOD does This suck

one day I'll figure out how to stealth-record on my phone... idk why. when things are Bad Like This i want some record to release to our community once I get independent, and blow this lie out of the water. Ik it's ungrateful but like... what the fuck dude

I'm really thankful for what he's doing for me

but what the fuck dude

why

it's going to mean NOTHING in a few hours/days. he's obviously letting out some internal thing that he has no idea how to channel appropriately and nobody else he can aim it at who wont fight back (except my little brother, who has never done anything wrong ever in his life and is ALWAYS dad's "son") (and the dog, who he sometimes threatens to scare until she pees if she's barking like a lunatic at the pizza guy or someone, but he's mostly-joking/ never actually does it because she's "the best dog in the world") (...I'm treated less human then the dog)

but its just so mean

(also obviously if i even raise my voice/tone a TINY BIT at him, or say a word in a way that he percieves as mildy passive-aggresive, that's a trigger for things to go from Good to Bad unless I immediately literally grovel.

...if you want to uhhhh please send funny videos, art DIYS, animals, mythology, the worst most cursed music and/or mashups you know. I could rly use it rn. just rec me something. anything. (not fanfic tho- I'm currently writing my college application essay on fandom's role in modern folklore, so for once I Do Not Want To Hear/Read Any More About It)

#no shade on my little bro #he's 18 now and sometimes I wish he'd stand up for me but he's a great kid #wouldnt wish dad's crap on him anyway #we have nothing in common and no sibling relationship. he kind of has the personality of a saltine cracker dipped in monster energy #but he's a damn good guitarist and a good person #no shade on my puppy either #she is the best dog in the world (in the way that most owners say their dogs are)#though she is a little thief with bad breath who climbs the counter like a climbing wall to steal unattended breakfasts(affectionate)#STRAIGHT UP NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME #shit like this is why im deancoded/srs #me: yesterday was perfect. i never have good days omg??? this is definitely going to turn awful when the other shoe drops #today: the other shoe has dropped and it's only 6:30 am #tw toxic family #tw verbal abuse #rant #vent #tw family abuse #tw abuse #tw toxic parents #longpost #tw ableism #bitch WHY????#fairly literal crytyping

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