#am i uncomfortable with my curves because of internalized fatphobia? because of the association with being feminine? both?

[the-yearning-astronaut]

I wish I could be agender the way Murderbot is agender. Right down to the lack of biological sexual characteristics. So agender that the term agender comes with too much associated gender to accurately apply. You know what I mean?

#help the dysphoria is kicking my ass again today and everything about me looks and feels wrong #demigirl still feels like it is applicable but also i wish i was more masculine but NOT in that way only THIS way #am i uncomfortable with my curves because of internalized fatphobia? because of the association with being feminine? both? #is it my actual curves themselves or is it the very reality of having a physical body that will be gendered some way no matter what i do? #i hate it I hate all of it #Murderbot #agender #gender #gender dysphoria #body dysphoria #dysphoria #fox thoughts #'maybe if i dress more masculine that will help' #nope no thats still leaning into gender #how do i do both at once so that they cancel each other out? #i don't want to be masculine but i don't want to be female lite™ either #I don't want to be perceived as having any gender at all and its not fucking possible #fuck i don't even want to deal with pronouns 80% of the time and i don't care for my name either #why does physically existing suck so bad sometimes #☉