#why do people hate on the split attraction model

[fluffymaxsworld]

“seven days”

tuesday

model!simonriley x normie!reader

[first step, complimenting!!, dealss, no smut (but he wants to bend you over and fuck you mindlessly), wattpad kinda love story lmao]

TUESDAY

*driin driin*

7am, an early number for simon, who’s used to wake up when he wants to.

“oi, wake up” you whispered-yelled, “s’time to work you lazy ass”

“one more minute…” he muttered with a sleepy voice. how cute.

“what are you? six? wake up, the breakfast ends at 8:30 am and i’m already missing precious time.”

“go without me, imma sleep some more”

“so it’s real the rumor about you hating kids” you teased, poking his arm with your index finger, “think about their look in their faces, do you realize how sad you’re going to make ‘em feel?”

“oh, shut up” he slowly sat straight and yawned like a little boy.

“i feel like i’m going to babysit you, not those children” you sighed, walking to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

“tsk” was the only sound coming out of him.

“idiot”

breakfast, or any meal, meant simon and you sitting next to each other.

“he works here for the reputation, he doesn’t care about the kids, johnny” you were walking towards the canteen with your friend, complaining about simon (once again).

“he’s okay, i guess. he’s a calm guy, plus he attracts a lot people…”

“girls, you mean.” you interrupted him.

“okay, girls…” he sighed, almost defeated, “but that’s fine, he’s cool, we’re cool. both paths win.”

“oh cmon! you’re just saying it because of the girls”

“well, he’s attractive himself, don’t you think?”

“he’s not” you lied. he was attractive, maybe the most attractive man you’ll ever meet. dark brown eyes, hard muscles and clean skin, he always smelled amazing, vanilla and coffee with a hint of smoke.

“who is not?” a deep voice interrupted the conversation between you and johnny, tapping lightly your shoulder. simon.

“not your business” you said, taking from the common room a couple of chocolate biscuits and a cup of coffee.

“you’re always so rude?” he scoffed.

“no, but you deserve a special treatment, don’t you think, mr model?” you replied sarcastically.

“can’t you see me as simon and not as mr model for once?” he rolled his eyes, muttering something between himself.

“the reason you’re here is not your ‘kind heart’.” you grunted ironically, sitting on your seat, “is because you need the public to see you as the ‘sweet simon’.”

“well, even if it was true, what’s your problem with me working here?” he replied coldly. “am i hurting someone? don’t think so”

“i just can’t stand who doesn’t care. i love the kids, they’re innocent souls and someone like you is the worst that could happen to them” you explained.

“give me a week, and i’ll swear to god you’re gonna change your mind” he looked at you, his gaze completely emotionless.

“a week to act like a human being?”

“three days.”

“deal” you extended your hand for a handshake.

he took your hand and shook it, his eyes fixated on you. your cheeks were already burning and the subtle staring contest between you and simon wasn’t helping. he had on his black surgical mask, but you could feel his mouth arching into a hidden smile.

“you could start by helping me with the kids”

were you asking him to help you?

“sure, why not” he smirked and stood up, walking towards the common room with you.

the kids were playing around with cars, stuffed animals and barbies, chuckling and smiling sweetly. a view that makes you melt every time.

“simon!” alex, the little kid he met the first day, ran towards him, “how are youu?”

“i’m fine kiddo, and you?” he got on his knees to look at the little boy.

“i’m good!” he grinned and took simon’s finger that felt huge in his hand, “hello y/n!!”

“hey hun!” you annoyed mood shifted as soon as you stepped inside. you sat next to alex and kissed his pinky soft cheeks.

“do you know simon? he’s my new friend!”

you smiled, even tho simon could feel that you were forcing yourself, and patted his head, “i’m really happy you found a new friend”

simon and you split up, you were playing with half of the children and him with the others.

you completely forgot about simon, now acting so sweet and caring, your brownish oversized shirt with the bleached pair of jeans you messily wore the same morning definitely didn’t help simon in leave his gaze from you.

he could feel his cheeks warming up at each smile you gave alexander or his friends, feeling the sympathy you had for the kids. he was slowly driving crazy, you were driving him crazy. three days, and he swears he’s gonna make a move on you. he was used to the egocentric models and actresses he usually spend one or two nights together, but you were so kind, you were the sweetest thing on earth.

like a little boy he poked alex’s little arm, “hey kiddo, do you know if y/n has a boyfriend or something?”

he laughed, “she’s my girlfriend!”

he chuckles softly, “oh yeah? so she has a boyfriend”

you felt his gaze on you, for the whole day. lunch, dinner, even when you were brushing your teeth.

“do i have something on my face?” you suddenly asked.

“why?”

“you keep staring at me” you replied, “do i have something on my face?”

“no” he said darkly, his deep voice matching his black tight shirt.

you laid on your bed, looking at the ceiling and sighing.

“why are you here?” you asked him genuinely.

he turned around to face you.

“my manager forced me to” he replied.

“the rumors. are they true?” you faced him back.

“if i hate kids? no. i don’t particularly like them either.” he said, his english accent clear.

“you’re not a bad person, and i’m sorry for my attitude. i just can’t…”

“…can’t stand who doesn’t care. you told me already.” he cut you short, “but i do care. my father wasn’t one of best, and just look at alex! so full of energy and life, he’s an icon”

you chuckled softly, thinking about how great alex was.

his jaw dropped slightly, did he just make you laugh?

he interrupted the laugh, “you’re breathtaking”

“i’m sorry?”

“you’re breathtaking, i told you that yesterday but you didn’t hear me” he whispered, looking into your eyes.

“oh… thanks” you blushed slightly, needing to change subject, “and i’m… sorry for you father”

“s’okay. i moved on. he was a real dick.” he smirked, but you could feel the sadness in his voice.

“seriously, you… no, no one deserves a shitty childhood. that’s why i need to fulfill those kids dreams. they deserve to be loved”

“you’re… sweet. you’re really something else.” he mumbled, “goodnight”

“goodnight”

a/n: I NEED TO KISS ON THE LIPS SIMON POOR BOY☹️☹️

sorry if it’s short, i’ve working on a fluffy fic that i reallyyyy care about!!

#ghost x reader #cod simon riley #ghost x you #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley smut #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you

[vainvenus]

⌲;꒰ Billy Showalter Headcannons! ꒱

Random Billy headcannons bc I love him sm!!

→ His favorite color is red and he everything he owns is that bright fucking red (His jacket, notebooks, water bottle, pencils, etc)

→No matter how hot it is he won't take off that damn letterman jacket, it could be 100 degrees and he'll still wear it

→Everyone wonders why Billy wears a letterman jacket even though he doesn't play a sport and he always like; "It looks cool"

→ If he had a crush on someone who wasn't in his usual route for the paper he would wake up extra early just so he could add them into it

→One time he hit Vance in the face with he newspaper on "accident"

→His hair looks honey blonde during the summer but when winter comes around it gets noticeability darker

→Watches Scooby-Doo every morning before school while eating cinnamon toast crunch

→One time he tried to cut his hair on his own and had a bald spot for three weeks

→He takes special care or his hair, washing it every weekend with cherry or strawberry shampoo and conditioner

→He got put in a vote for best hair at school and got ranked at 3rd, Vance got first and Robin got second.

→Was in Boy's Scouts for three years

→Moved from California to Denver

→He's 5'5 but tells everyone he's 5'6 or 5'7

-He's a morning person

→He listens to all kinds of music but he really hates country music

→Doesn't like necklaces because he forgets he's wearing them and freaks out bc he thinks its a bug or snake

→Animals are just attracted to him, on his rides to school he'll most likely be followed by a stray cat

→He's scared of snakes and bugs

→Prefers Fall over all the seasons

→Doesn't like pumpkin spice nor does he get the hype about it

→He loves chocolate and mint like mint chocolate chip ice cream or thin mint cookies

→Prefers French toast sticks over waffles and pancakes

→He doesn't eat the crust when he eats pizza

→He doesn't like onions, if they're on his burger then he won't eat it even if someone tells him to take them off

→He hates sour candy, says that something sweet shouldn't taste sour first

→His favorite kind of candy are jolly ranchers, blue raspberry and cherry are his favorite flavors

→If he splits something in half he's letting you have the bigger piece

-He doesn't like orange juice with the pulp

→His fave soda is Root Beer or Cherry Coca-Cola

→He got his dog for a birthday gift after begging his mom for years

→ His dog's name is Arlo bc I said so!

→He has to have Arlo sleep at the foot of his bed, claiming that he can't sleep if he's not there

→When he takes Arlo to the dog park he pets every dog there and tries to remember them if he sees them again when he comes back

→He uses Arlo as a pillow whenever he's doing his homework or reading comics

→Him and Griffin are best friends

→He takes Griffin on his bike rides to deliver the papers, letting him ride on the back of his bike

→Billy hates olives and Griffin loves them! The Olive Theory <3

→He swears up and down that he has the strongest immune system and then he gets sick as soon as the first day of winter hits

→He doesn't like flying, airplanes make him feel anxious

→He's really good at remembering names, like even people who probably don't know him he just knows everyone

→Whenever he goes shopping with his parents he always wonders off somewhere and has to be called back over the intercom

→Went fishing with his Dad and ended up falling in the water because he couldn't hold onto the fishing pole

→He's really into cars, being able to name any model he sees

→Can't play chess or checkers for shit he's really good at card games his fave to play is blackjack

→He broke his ankle once while riding his bike down a hill

→Really likes ladybugs, rolley pollys and fireflies

#the black phone #the black phone x reader #the black phone headcanons #billy showalter x reader #billy showalter #griffin stagg #bruce yamada #finney blake #vance hopper

[genderstarbucks]

this is just s small rant but i hate how anti mspec lesbians (and also anti mspec gays) are like you cant call yourself a panlesbian you have to call yourself a panromanitc homosexual cus thats what you really are like no dear stranger thats not what i am and im sick of you forching me to be that i am a panlesbian and thats the term that i prefer like calling myself a panromanitc homosexual doesnt make change the fact that im a lesbian but you just all dont want to akwoldige that becasue of how you view lesbians and also because you think that they word lesbian is a dirty and sexual term and termfore think that terms like homosexual and homosexual are better

DUDE LITERALLY, they're like "no you can't say you're a pan lesbian or panromantic lesbian, you HAVE to specify that you're panromantic homosexual"

Also do they not realize the split attraction model is a very common reason why people identify as mspec mono

"You can't be bi gay! Oh but you can be homoromantic bisexual or biromantic homosexual"

They're literally just trying to control how we identify our attraction

Like saying bi gay is much easier to say / type than biromantic homosexual or homoromantic bisexual

[colorisbyshe]

It upsets me how asexuality became mainstream and accepted in a decade. I wish it didn't, but it does. Aces became a protected class in NY before trans people. In only a decade ace characters started popping on mainstream media. Asexuality became a topic of conversation in mainstream news and academia. It took centuries for LGBT people and we're still not seated at the table. Why? How did this happen? Is it bc the cissexist, heterosexist, ableist, white patriarchy isn't threatened by asexuality?

I don't know if I hate that it has become mainstream and accepted. I don't think that's the problem.

I think it is good for all types of experiences nad identities to be represented and I think it is good to push back romance and sex as the end all, be all of human experience and provide other perspectives. I think it's good to tighten up laws to avoid any prejudice, even if that prejudice isn't happening regularly. I think there are a lot of non-ace and non-aro peopel who ALSO benefit from a lot of these considerations--lots of romantic loveless, sexless people who are perpetually single or more interested in other things or whatever who also get rep.

This also does challenge the nuclear family construction. As more people forgo marriage or typical family units, showing more ways to live is ALWAYS good. Creating more legal considerations for say... people outside of romantic relationships who want to adopt or own property or rent or whaevr is great!

I just think the haste in which asexuality got acceptance (INCLUDING a lot of harmful elements of the ace community like the split attraction model and rhetoric that you can enjoy sex without attraction in a longterm relationship) just sort of highlights the point I have been making this entire time--asexuality is not discriminated against in any meaningful way.

And I think asexuality and aromanticism do tend to fit into the largely white, (culturally) christian societal norms.

We live in a society that shames sex, that wants sex to either sell shit (which isn't about the sexual object feeling atttraction, just having people being attracted to THEM) or for children (so, again, no sexual attraction required) or for outrage/shock (which... again no attraction needed). Throwing in sexless rep wasn't... a shift?

There are lots nad lots and LOTS of sexless characters in media and there always have been. We can now just slap a label on them and it counts as diverse rep. Which IS less threatening than having like... horny (or even textually sexless) gay rep. Or trans rep.

And legally... "protecting" ace people requires... almost zero shift in like... any behaviour. If there was no massive form of legal prejudice (and there asn't, there has been little to no documented LEGAL discrimination against asexuality), there's no... people to pushback against asexuals becoming a protected class.

Asexual representation--in media, in the law--is an easy slamdunk. Because... there is no powerful discriminatory class to say no.

And it's also because most discrimination people class as "aphobia" really has no basis in asexuality and is broader social concerns like... mostly misogyny. So, when you have these legal protects for the ace part, all the bad behaviour that aces are concerned about still gets to happen to everyone else and probably still quite a few aces.

No change is actually required.

#ive said it amny times #i think if the ace community teamed up with feminists #and like.. got over themselves #they'dbe a GREAT force to combat rape culture #unfortunately #aces would rather contribute to rape culture than fight it #w hich sucks but i'm not wrong #ace discourse

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

prev anon here: the article is far too long, but i quoted the section. this article is from the 1970s, but it was reprined in this issue on the request of some other reader, so there are women who still think this way.

"HOMOSEXUAL – This word should also, in my opinion, be erased from our language: les-bian language. According to Webster’s Dictionary, the homosexual is one who has, or “exhib-its sexual desire toward a member of one’s own sex.” As has been pointed out by others before,such a definition puts the total emphasis on the sexual aspects of our lives – homosexuals aresimply sexual beings (i.e., resulting in such questions as “What do they do in the daytime?”).Calling ourselves homosexuals almost seems to reinforce the stereotype that lesbians are over-sexed women who will be “cured” (sic) as soon as they meet the man (penis) capable of fulfillingtheir vast sexual desires. Another possible misleading undertone to the word homosexual is theimplication that female homosexuals are attracted to women in the same manner that males areattracted to women. Of course, the primary reason a man is attracted to a specific woman isbecause of her physical beauty, and I doubt lesbians love women solely for their physical charac-teristics. And despite what the general public believes, generally a lesbian who’s attracted tosome woman acts nothing like most men would (i.e., whistle, grab, put the make on, hustle, try toscore, etc.). The term homosexual almost implies that lesbians feel and act like straight men,since both simply “desire” women, but thankfully this is far from the truth. In her book LoveBetween Women, Charlotte Wolff states that a lesbian would more correctly be labeled “homo-emotional” rather than “homo-sexual,” making the important distinction of placing the emphasison the emotional, instead of the physical, part of her orientation. Yes, I enjoy sex with womenmore than I did with men, but that is basically because my emotional relationships with womenare so much more intense and fulfilling than those with men could ever be. It is because of theserelationships that I am a lesbian; I am not a homosexual."

"i am not a homosexual" we know lol.

"homoemotional" really in every generation bisexual women were busy inventing the split attraction model because they simply dont understand that bad or boring sex with men because men are shitty to women does not make them lesbians, preferring sex with women does not make them lesbians.

this whole argument is so dumb i dont even know what to say. its like when you tell TRAs a woman is a female so they respond with "oh so you think woman are breeders?" um no? also how is saying lesbians are attracted sexualyl to women implying they need penis to satisfy them? disgusting and stupid.

i understand why homosexual is the one word all gay and lesbian people are increasingly using, because all these fakers and appropriaters hate it.

Thank you! :)

As always, polilez can't help projecting their own feelings and showing how lesbophobic they are. Being homosexual is being sex-crazed, shallow, etc. and of course they denounce the lesbophobia of lesbians having a supposed male exception... even though they had sex with men and call themselves lesbians anyway (In a way, "abusive men made me a lesbian" / "comphet made me have sex with men" are just negative variants of "lesbians have male exceptions")

In my case, I was thinking of a big proponent of political lesbianism in France and Europe, Alice Coffin, who said in her book Lesbian Genius (right after talking about her ex-boyfriends...): "I am not lesbian because of orientation or attraction, like the wind veers north. Lesbians are not homosexuals."

(Speak for yourself, dumbass!)

So many bi women think preferring women or being disappointed in men makes them lesbians, and they outnumber us so easily that they can enable each other and marginalize us... I've even seen fakebians have an obvious crush on a man and being told by other "lesbians" that its doesn't mean anything and it's comphet! How does that confusion help anyone??

Homosexual doesn't have any ambiguity, which is definitely a good thing, but I don't want to abandon the word lesbian either... (and I think gold star sounds cute!)

[roboticromantic]

Tbh it kinda sucks I see a bunch of really great posts going around in the self ship community and then they seriously gotta slap on a "mspec lesbians dni" like dude it's so easy not to be an exclusionist

Everyone's all about breaking out of the mold and being yourself and cheering on all the other people who have "contradictory labels" like the girlfags n the boydykes and the lesboys etc etc but then you seriously draw the line at someone using the split attraction model? At something as simple and easy to understand as someone being bi and a lesbian at the same time????? And the worst part is these posts will be by other lesbians! Why are you fighting against members of your own community? Because they found a label that explains their own unique experiences?

And tbh it makes me not trust some of these people bc like. What other genuinely harmless identities do you exclude?

And it's always specifically mspec lesbians btw I never see "mspec gays dni" and it's like 👀 damn. People are so critical of lesbians literally all the time and it really sucks that this time it's including other lesbians as well. Conservatives and homophobes aren't gonna care about how "correct" your label is they're gonna hate us regardless

#anyways #kinda discoursey but i get so mad about this stuff sometimes its so easy to not be a dick #also im gonna turn off reblogs bc its not something im gonna argue over. ive made my point

[redheadbigshoes]

tw: acephobia

as an ace lesbian posts this make me sick. blaming aces for the way other people have twisted and purported our terminology is just so ridiculous. seriously i’m sick of us (asexuals and lesbians) being scapegoated for intracommunity issues because it’s convenient. sure, some aces are responsible for promoting this idea, but to blame all of us? like aces aren’t gonna stop being or calling ourselves asexual just because other people have decided the SAM is for them. it’s fucking 2023 i shouldn’t have to sit here and explain why aces and ‘bi lesbians’ are 2 different things with different politics, and i shouldn’t have to defend asexuality from people who see it as nothing more than celibacy. asexual just means not heterosexual. genuinely cannot begin to describe the scope of harm this rhetoric does.

there are a lot of things some (terminally) online ace communities have done & said that i don’t approve of, but it is not symptomatic of our minority as a whole. there’s more to say about this but i won’t clog up your inbox. sorry to rant i’m just frustrated

This person (though they were correct to not support the “bi lesbian” label) is doing just what lesbians always complain about: that we’re often the target of the LGBTQ+ community whenever other queers want to blame something on a group. The Ace community is not to blame for this, we should blame individuals who either use or support this label, not a whole group of people - a minority - about it.

Just because some allo people have started using the SAM to describe their identity it doesn’t mean this has anything to do with ace people. A lot of people don’t understand that the SAM was supposed to be used exclusively by the aro/ace community.

Not to mention this person is acting as if “bi lesbians” all used that label because they also use the split attraction model, but they seem to forget a lot of them use the label because 1) they want to include nb people in their identity 2) they want to include trans men or women in their identity or 3) they want to point out they have a gender preference.

And tbh it’s more common to use that label for one of the reasons I mentioned than because the person uses the SAM.

I hate how this community thinks it’s a wonderful idea simply pointing fingers at each other instead of actually listening to each other and understanding our issues.

#stephanie answers #lesbi-ace #long post #‘bi lesbians’

[elapach24]

Demisexual representation

I’m not sure if I’m doing this as a “tips to write good demisexual representation” post or “I haven’t found good demisexual representation and that's driving me crazy” post.

So I was really excited to read Radio Silence by Alice Oseman, but I did my best waiting and reading their other books in chronically order, before starting with Radio Silence, what I finally did five days ago. I was literally screaming when I started with it.

Why? Because I thought that I would finally find good demisexual representation. Key word: thought.

(Hold on the hate, let me get to the point, thanks)

I have read loads of books (on Wattpad) that promise demisexual characters. But half the time they didn’t use the label inside the book, or just on (in, at???? Please correct any grammar mistake) the epilogue. The others were one hundred percent as demiromantic as demisexual characters but they NEVER labelled the demiromantic part of the character’s experience.

So did Alice in Radio Silence. And I’m really disappointed.

Not because a character (as any people) cannot be demi in both types of attraction. Anyone can be both, anyone can experience sexual and romantic attraction in the same way.

But when talking about representation of an oppressed group, when our oppression is determined by how well allopeople can understand our experiences, it’s transcendental how well labelled are characters sold as ace/aro representation.

It's not that the demisexual part is bad written in Radio Silence, but it's not the only part written, just the only one mentioned.

So yes, if you want to write a character that is demisexual and demiromantic, that’s amazing, only if you name both labels.

So yes, Aled Last is both demisexual and demiromantic. And I know that he doesn’t care about labels, but he’s a character, not a person. He is a symbol for and of our communities. So both spectrums need to be named.

So yes, I’m tired of people who mix up sexual and romantic attraction. And still I rated Radio Silence with 5 stars ‘cause that’s my only critic, and I don’t know why these lines are constructed like this, but that’s the only part that bothers me completely about the book and how it's written.

Demisexual people do have crushes on any kind of people.

Commonly, it’s not that obvious that we don’t feel certain things, till you start noticing that you’re missing part of the experiences everyone else seems to have. But the romantic attraction (if you are just demisexual and not in the aromantic spectrum) is as everyone else’s and, since what I’ve talked with other demisexual people, commonly even more intense.

We just notice that how we have those crushes is different. Usually we don't understand how is different till we read about the split attraction model (SAM).

Fun fact (no that fun): Some demisexual people develop sexual attraction towards people for whom they don’t feel romantic attraction, too. And this part of our experience needs to be represented as well.

#demisexual #demisexuality #demiromantic #demiromanticism #ace #acespec #aro #arospec #canon aspec #alice oseman #radio silence #osemanverse #universe city #aled last #sam #demiromantic representation #demisexual rep #ace representation #aro representation #heartstopper #Ela's sort of rants #writing

[uglydollexclus]

Our Beliefs

Pan = bi and is transphobic as it treats binary trans people as a separate thing.

Nonbinary lesbians and nonbinary gays don’t exist. Lesbians are women and gays are men. Enbans who love women are trixic and enbans who love men are toric.

Pronouns = gender. Men are he/him, women are she/her, enbans are they/them. No other pronouns exist.

Hesbians and shegays are men and women trying to water down homosexuality.

Asexuals and aromantics do not exist. Everyone feels sexual and romantic attraction, even if it’s not strong.

Transgender people need some form of dysphoria to be trans and having dysphoria doesn’t mean you hate being trans.

Q***r is a slur.

TERFs are trash. Trans women are women.

Genderfluidity isn’t how gender works.

The split attraction model is bullshit. You can’t be a heteroromantic gay or a biromantic lesbian.

Xenogenders are fake, mock trans people (especially nonbinary people), and are ableist.

Speaking of ableism, don’t claim to have disorders without an actual diagnosis. You can say you suspect having a disorder, but don’t claim it without a diagnosis.

DID is very rare and it requires severe childhood trauma. Teenagers aren’t going to be aware they have it and systems aren’t going to be made up of just anime characters.

Proships are bad. I shouldn’t have to explain why.

Autism Speaks is ableist. GTFO if you support them.

[whisper-overseer]

Idk but I never hated "contradictory" identities. I don't even think they are inherently contradictory. I can literally say several reasons why someone would id as lesboy (as an example) or mspec mono. Like omni has a priority in attraction, fluid attraction like being abro, split attraction model, multiple genders in any way and so much more including No Reason At All why there even should be one in the first place? Nothing is contradictory if there are a lot of reasons for it to exist lol.

The only thing that is different is he/him lesbians for example. PRONOUNS DO NOT EQUAL TO SOMEONE'S GENDER so this is just another bullshit rhetoric I can't believe people still think this is bad.

#hivemind speaks

[sir-crocodile-slut]

Unpopular queer opinions but idc cause I’m frustrated

Men cannot be lesbians

If you are attracted to men you aren’t a lesbian

Detransitioners do not get a say over trans opinions

Purposefully using contradicting labels is idiotic

Labels exist for a reason and labels are not inherently inclusionary, hence why they’re labels.

Split attraction model is for aro and/or ace people, not to make a single-attention sexuality into a multispec sexuality (omni gay, bi lesbian, etc)

Non-binary people fit in every sexuality, including heterosexuality. not every straight dude who dates an afab nb person is suddenly gay

Just because you came out early on in your teens or something doesn’t mean you know more than older closeted or late coming out people

Not everyone knows every single microlabel, don’t be mad about it, educate or explain and move on

If your label falls under a type of umbrella, just accept that you are also that umbrella (I.e. pan/omni under the bi umbrella, nb and gender-fluid under the trans umbrella, etc)

If you are in a cis hetero passing relationship, sorry to say but yes you have privilege over those who do not

Queer history books don’t count as actual if they’re fictional stories. They can be important to reference a queer writer in our history but not as much about story itself as a historic reference/rule (ex. Stone butch blues)

Politicians and homophones/transphobes will use queer chronically online takes (whether they’re satire or not) to fuel the hate fire and make laws against us, so just keep it in mind.

[kimyoonmiauthor]

PSA to my fellow Aces out there.

I generally hate PSAs, but I’ve been seeing some behavior I need to call my fellow aces out on. I’m saying this in the hopes that there is education, uplift, and more unity, rather than accidentally hating on other aces and other groups.

Quick note about vocab used:

Yes, I know, ace umbrella exists, but as a gray-a I don’t like the idea that we’re getting rained on and there is no range within and no diversity within. I don’t begrudge others who use ace umbrella, but I just like the term ace spec more and even went out of my way to argue for it waaayyy back in 2008-ish. I’m using that terminology here. I don’t like the idea I’m getting half sun burnt or rained on, making those “fully under the umbrella” more “legitimate”. Since this terminology came from Asexuality.org, I have even stronger objections to my *personally* using it. Ace spec is also shorter and gets past half the problems they started with the whole founders of asexuality.org trying zed passing while complaining about straight passing problems from the larger queer community. 

Other things in the queer community are called spectrums too. Like intersex, pansexuality and bisexuality and trans communities talk about spectrums as well. Other social justice groups, like neurodiversity talk about spectrums. Spectrums are also slightly more threatening to the fear of straight passing people, so honestly, it pleases me on that level too.

I don’t begrudge the ace umbrella terminology wider used, but I think we can do better.

The asexuality definition needs an upgrade. Asexuality.org fought me on this, but seriously, what happened to the other aces?

The definition of asexuality should be: No, limited or conditional sexual attraction.

Asexuality.org said that was too complicated and the poor zedsexuals wouldn’t understand it. It’s more like they want to prop up no sexual attraction as the “correct” asexuality. And from my classes, that’s the additive model in action. It’s not doctor, it’s lady doctor. It’s not nurse, it’s male nurse. It’s not astronaut, it’s lady astronaut. It’s not pilot, it’s black pilot. It’s Asian artist, not artist. BTW, asexuality.org used to define those who felt no sexual attraction at all as asexual asexual. They dropped it. I think given the uneven labeling and confusion, we need a better term for those who feel absolutely no sexual attraction. I don’t believe in defaults in the human species. And that’s my biggest gripe with asexuality.org. They are setting a default that shouldn’t exist. (Also the racism and transphobia, but you know how I am--I have my eyes on the big shiny prize of eliminating all discrimination because it serves all my marginalizations.)

Demisexual is not separate from asexuality.

I’ve seen some ace of spades claim that demisexuality is not part of the ace community. And likewise, demisexuals claim they aren’t part of the ace community. It’s all in the spectrum.

In fact, demisexual belongs on the gray-ace part of the scale. You can be more than one type of gray ace. It’s the square is a rectangle and also a parallelogram. Demisexual is also gray-ace and also ace spec.

You definitely can have more than one gray-ace as part of the scale. So you could be demisexual and Apothisexual. And you can be on a scale. So knowing demisexuality can be *with* other microlabels of asexuality and gray asexuality helps identity navigation. This is why I’m saying don’t take larger labels away.

Not all aces are automatically aro spec.

And likewise, not all aro spec are ace. And we should also respect that.

Yes, you can have more than one type of sexual attraction.

Julie Sondra Decker said that there are two types of sexual attraction: Primary, which is missing for aces. And secondary, which isn’t missing for all aces. Secondary is usually the Lesbian, gay, pan, bi, etc.

However, there are also split attraction models which include aces in the gray-a, where they might feel primary attraction, but then lose it.

There are also people who are sexually attracted to a particular gender or set of genders, but have a different romantic or secondary sexual attraction.

Let it be messy. Sexuality, in general, is messy.

It’s OK to speak your truth, but don’t detract from the rest of the LGBTQIA spectrum (This goes for the rest of the LGBTQIA spectrum as well)

Transphobes need to go. Spank them within the community.

There are more A’s than Aces. Don’t hog the letter and no, I’m not talking allies.

Aros exist. You can acknowledge their existence without speaking for them. They are more invisible than aces. I’m both, BTW.

Agender people also exist. They also get erased within the trans community, so a quick acknowledgement to ask to fight together for the A won’t go amiss.

Don’t make the A all about aces in social justice spaces. Once you try to claim the A, that’s a social justice action and you should be fighting for all three groups, not just yourself. If you want to lick your wounds, that’s separate from requesting the A be included.

And my last frustration: I get it, the white cis males are super focused on asexuality as a marginalization. 

That doesn’t mean you can’t also make room for intersectionality. When PoC aces tell you that racism is worse than that, maybe listen and try to understand why and how it interacts for us. I understand the victim mentality very, very, very well. I mean the list of traumas would make you insta say “I wouldn’t be able to put up with that” (which is what most people tell me anyway because I tend to be more marginalized than them such that they accuse me of being a catfish). But when you hyper focus and reply to things like social justice posts with victim mentality and LGBTQIA days which are about celebration, it really does sound like centering on yourself.

Yes, yes, aces, as an ace, do need visibility, but keep in mind aromantics aren’t really talked about and in media people automatically think asexuality and aromanticism are tied, which diminishes aromantics. And no one ever talks about agender that much under the A letter. 

A tip for the white male cis aces out there... you would write, “I am not aro and not agender, but I am ace and would like the A to be included. I cannot speak for the other two groups, but I hope they would join me in this desire. I recognize they are more invisible than us.” Then you can launch into specific marginalization and why you think you should be included and fear of straight-passing in the community.

Conclusion:

This isn’t a case of all aces are like this. But an eye on what we can do as aces to improve our social justice as we move forwards. To be more inclusive, welcoming and also keep ourselves on the path of better and less prejudiced inclusion.

You can talk about your marginalization without slamming the door in the face of another marginalization and especially marginalization of your own group. You might not have gotten over your marginalization or trauma yet. That’s fine. You can take your travels through healing the trauma as you see fit. BUT You say “I want representation,” but then slam the door in the face of someone else more marginalized than you--who has less representation and claim someone asking you to acknowledge that makes them asking for “ally” you’re just being an asshole at that point.

Intersectionality exists. You want to prop up your community, don’t do it at the cost of your own community. Recognize the diversity within, once you’ve licked your wounds, and while you’re licking your wounds, be careful how and where you share. Make sure it is in safe places, out of social justice spaces. Because as I’ve argued before, victimhood and social justice don’t mix that well. You need to at least get up to survivor. If you want someone to coddle your feelings *only*, don’t do it in spaces where they are asking for change.

#asexuality #asexual #social justice

[shrimpmandan]

Hey I just wanted to say that I relate a lot to your personal post about being confused about romance. It’s pretty refreshing seeing someone else have the same “issues” as me!

I imagine it’s partially because of neurodivergency and trauma, as you said, but I’ve always had that same difficulty connecting to people. Crushes were always faked, people are easily cut out of my life if I decide they’re “not worth the effort”, I’m convinced I cannot feel the physical emotion of love in any form. Hell, even as a 7 year old I recognized that I felt no connection to my family members. “I love you” always becomes a meaningless phrase - especially since it is/was often used by manipulative family members and past partners.

I haven’t labeled myself as aromantic - the split attraction model honestly just confuses my tiny brain way too much - but I imagine it would fit me. Really it’s up to you if you’d use it for yourself.

In my life, I’ve kinda decided on my own definition of “love”, based on qualities that have been lacking in all the previous, abusive relationships in my life (both familial and romantic). Love doesn’t have to be a feeling or a bouquet of roses or a candlelit dinner. Sometimes, love is just enjoying spending time with someone, and being enthusiastically willing to spend the rest of time with that someone. This goes for both platonic relationships and romantic relationships btw.

My current boyfriend knows if all my neurodivergency and trauma troubles, and understands my unusual lack of certain emotions, including that of love. He loves much more passionately than me, since he’s neither ND nor nearly as traumatized as me - he still considers himself in a “honeymoon phase” even after ~5 years, he loves the usual NT romantic flair of roses and gifts and fancy dinners, and he seemingly never lost that “spark” for me. On the opposite end, I lost the “spark” a long time ago, I hate/can’t understand the cliche concept of romantic love, and I usually have to ask how long we’ve been dating 💀. However, despite our clear differences in this regard, I still trust him more than anyone - he’s my best friend, and he understands and cares for me more than anyone in the past ever tried to. He knows my conflicts with emotion and showing physical affection, and he’s knows I’m much more like a cat than a human, in that I prefer bonding via parallel play and just being in the same room. He knows this and accepts this, and that’s why I want to spend my life with him. Because that’s what I consider to be love.

This is a long-ass ramble for no reason lol, but TLDR: “love” is meaningless, so make your own definition. And I believe anyone can find a partner that they can love and be loved back, including those of us that have trouble with “love”.

Absolutely! I don't have the time/energy to respond to all of this, but I do genuinely appreciate the sentiment. Reiterating that I don't identify as aro, but I realized last night that the attraction I have for two of my closest friends is most definitely alterous, and that eased a LOT of my fears and troubles regarding what I was feeling about them-- not platonic, not romantic, just... intimate. Far more fulfilling that any romantic relationship I've ever had, though part of that might just be shit luck on my end.

Either way! The "hierarchy" of what makes something platonic, romantic, or whatever else is completely made up, do what you want forever

#anon #asks #personal #okay to reblog

[foxstens]

don’t read this i just need to vent

i’ve been confused by relationships as long as i can remember and honestly that should’ve been a dead giveaway . like i became aware of the split attraction model pretty early on but it took years until i started thinking about my own orientation and it took me a really long time to even try to understand it let alone start thinking about it in relation to myself and my own experiences (in fact i don’t think i took the concept of aromanticism seriously until very recently :/)

but growing up i’d see my mom have relationships with various men and then i’d see my classmates get into relationships and then, later on, my own cousins got into relationships. and i was always the odd one out, i was always the one who stayed quiet when it came to things like that. i don’t think i really noticed it at the time, i just thought i was a late bloomer and i just hadn’t met the right person yet.

but then as i reached 18, and got closer and closer to finishing high school, starting college, and having to think about what would happen after college, i started dreading the future. i’d just think about how i’d have to go through college, probably meet someone there (A MAN), get married, have kids, and then that’d be my life. and i would feel so fucking terrified, i vividly remember actually crying a few times because of how much i did not want that.

because while i knew not everyone did that, i knew different sexualities existed and i realized on some level that i  had never felt any type of attraction towards a real man, i also couldn’t imagine a different future. i had never been told or shown that a different future was actually possible. and even when i tried to imagine a different future, it’d still be the same thing but my partner would be a woman instead and i’d also be older. but other than that, marriage kids house - despite having decided that i want none of those things years and years ago.

i don’t know what i’m trying to say. but i think it’s kind of fucked up how i’ve expressed over and over and over again very clearly that i am not interested in any of the above things, and that i just do not and have not wanted to experience a romantic relationship ever and yet my mom still says i just haven’t met the right person or ive just become too introverted and that’s just messing with my perception. even back when i was younger she always assumed i was just too introverted and also too analytical for anyone to be interested in me - not that i wasn’t interested in any of that.

she has accepted that im very opposed to the idea of marriage so at least there’s that, but my grandparents still ask me about it. every time i see them face to face they ask when i’m gonna get married and every single time i say never or when pigs fly or something like that and every single time they just laugh it off. i’d have thought at least this idea wouldn’t be so unbelievable in the year 2023 especially when they know me as a person, but nah. guess i was wrong.

but i just hate the idea that you can’t be happy or complete without romance. because a lack of romance does not mean you’re alone, and even if you are. SO FUCKING WHAT. maybe some people just need some nice neighbours or a pet not to feel lonely, and they’re perfectly capable of living a happy fulfilling life like that. why is that so hard to imagine and accept. 

#my posts #my rambles #long post #read more #i have no more words right now #but there's so much more that could be said about this #ehhh

[redheadbigshoes]

I really hate to say this (I'm going to post anonymously) but sexual orientation (and attraction) primarily encompasses who you are sexually attracted to and is ultimately based on who you want to be physically intimate with. I know that a lot of people are going to be pissed when they read this like, "How dare you reduce homosexuality to who you want to have s*x with, we get persecuted for this." But there are a few things I want to clarify.

Firstly, why do we have to reduce physical intimacy in its mechanics? And why do we have to view it so negatively? Who you love carries so many nuances to it. Read any romantic poem by anybody ever and they will tell you that infatuation and longing encompass a feeling of wholeness and completion. It is a basic part of your own humanity.

There are of course people from the ace spectrum, but from what I have seen and read it is not that they hate intimacy entirely (some of them are repulsed by it, and some just don't care about it too much). Some of them can still experience romantic love which, at least to me, is a form of non-physical intimacy that has the same emotions attached to it as physical intimacy.

People of the ace spectrum have their own experiences that are different from a lot of people and when 'bi lesbians' use them as an example to explain 'you can still be attracted to a man even though you are not sexually attracted to them.' It feels like they are taking aces' vocabulary and using it as their own. But, the split-attraction model is not for non-ace people to claim because most of us see romance and sexual attraction as interchangeable and which are both necessary to experience attraction. There are of course literal twelve-year-olds that form relationships but we call that puppy love for a reason.

Now, I am a lesbian which means that I am exclusively attracted to women and some enbies which means that I experience romantic and sexual attraction exclusively to that group. Why? I don't know, just anyone that has enough 'womanly' attributes arouses me. Well, if a man has 'womanly' attributes are you attracted to that too? No, because my brain registers them as a man. This is why I can be attracted to a butch but not a trans man, one is a woman and one is a man. Do you hate men? No, I can still form friendships with them. But isn't platonic attraction also attraction? In some form yes, but platonic attraction, at least to me and a lot of other lesbians (not including ace people), don't view platonic attraction as actual attraction. Do you think men are attractive? Some of them, yes. Is that also not attraction? No, because attraction (in the romantic and sexual sense) encompasses more than who you find pretty, and reducing it to that is kind of insulting.

Honestly, I can go on but I think you get the point. It is just really frustrating that lesbians have to go to such lengths to explain their orientation when it should be obvious by the definition.

You’re very right. And in my opinion finding people attractive is not attraction at all (not aesthetic, not platonic, not sexual, not romantic). Simply finding someone physically beautiful isn’t related to attraction. If we counted finding someone beautiful as attraction the logic would be that we’re somewhat attracted to objects too (because we can find them pretty) which is very incorrect.

We shouldn’t have to explain our attraction, you never see straight men explaining why they’re attracted only to women or straight women explaining why they’re only attracted to men…

#stephanie answers #anon #long post

[swiftrunnerfelidae]

People in the LGBTQIA+ community keep trying to either extend the acronym, to get more letters tacked on, or keep trying to shorten it, to keep trimming letters away.  They’re either trying to make the checklist longer so more people feel included, or trim the checklist down, to exclude people they feel aren’t worthy to be in the group.

I have a shorter checklist.

If you say ‘no’ to one or more of these, you belong.

Are you heterosexual?

Are you heteroromantic?

Do you identify exclusively with the gender you were assigned at birth?

#lgbtqia+ #lgbtqa+ #lgbtqia #lgbtq+ #lgbtqa #lgbt+ #lgbtq #lgbt #gsd #gsrd #also #why do people hate on the split attraction model #it makes so much sense #bromances make sense now #they aren't secretly gay #they're heterosexual and bi- or homoromantic #it's fucking obvious now