#i think if the ace community teamed up with feminists

[colorisbyshe]

It upsets me how asexuality became mainstream and accepted in a decade. I wish it didn't, but it does. Aces became a protected class in NY before trans people. In only a decade ace characters started popping on mainstream media. Asexuality became a topic of conversation in mainstream news and academia. It took centuries for LGBT people and we're still not seated at the table. Why? How did this happen? Is it bc the cissexist, heterosexist, ableist, white patriarchy isn't threatened by asexuality?

I don't know if I hate that it has become mainstream and accepted. I don't think that's the problem.

I think it is good for all types of experiences nad identities to be represented and I think it is good to push back romance and sex as the end all, be all of human experience and provide other perspectives. I think it's good to tighten up laws to avoid any prejudice, even if that prejudice isn't happening regularly. I think there are a lot of non-ace and non-aro peopel who ALSO benefit from a lot of these considerations--lots of romantic loveless, sexless people who are perpetually single or more interested in other things or whatever who also get rep.

This also does challenge the nuclear family construction. As more people forgo marriage or typical family units, showing more ways to live is ALWAYS good. Creating more legal considerations for say... people outside of romantic relationships who want to adopt or own property or rent or whaevr is great!

I just think the haste in which asexuality got acceptance (INCLUDING a lot of harmful elements of the ace community like the split attraction model and rhetoric that you can enjoy sex without attraction in a longterm relationship) just sort of highlights the point I have been making this entire time--asexuality is not discriminated against in any meaningful way.

And I think asexuality and aromanticism do tend to fit into the largely white, (culturally) christian societal norms.

We live in a society that shames sex, that wants sex to either sell shit (which isn't about the sexual object feeling atttraction, just having people being attracted to THEM) or for children (so, again, no sexual attraction required) or for outrage/shock (which... again no attraction needed). Throwing in sexless rep wasn't... a shift?

There are lots nad lots and LOTS of sexless characters in media and there always have been. We can now just slap a label on them and it counts as diverse rep. Which IS less threatening than having like... horny (or even textually sexless) gay rep. Or trans rep.

And legally... "protecting" ace people requires... almost zero shift in like... any behaviour. If there was no massive form of legal prejudice (and there asn't, there has been little to no documented LEGAL discrimination against asexuality), there's no... people to pushback against asexuals becoming a protected class.

Asexual representation--in media, in the law--is an easy slamdunk. Because... there is no powerful discriminatory class to say no.

And it's also because most discrimination people class as "aphobia" really has no basis in asexuality and is broader social concerns like... mostly misogyny. So, when you have these legal protects for the ace part, all the bad behaviour that aces are concerned about still gets to happen to everyone else and probably still quite a few aces.

No change is actually required.

#ive said it amny times #i think if the ace community teamed up with feminists #and like.. got over themselves #they'dbe a GREAT force to combat rape culture #unfortunately #aces would rather contribute to rape culture than fight it #w hich sucks but i'm not wrong #ace discourse

[ninasfireescape]

The JK Rowling thing

We’ve known it for a long time now but this only adds to the proof of her transphobia. She’s shown herself to be racist, antisemitic, homophobic and just plain annoying.

But there’s something we have to acknowledge about her latest tweet. It’s deliberately written in a way to confuse people - to confuse those who read her tweet without context or who aren’t versed in gender politics. Earlier, Mark Hamill came under fire for liking the tweet and he’s said he didn’t realise what she was saying which I find perfectly believeable. He said he liked the tweet for the first part of it which was about how you can “dress how you want” and “sleep with whoever you want if you’re consenting adults” (I paraphrase). And that’s it there. She’s wrapped her transphobia up with a neat feminist bow to her unsuspecting followers to go unnoticed.

Then she deliberately misconstrues the reason Maya Forstater was fired. “Force women out of their jobs for stating sex is real.” I misunderstood what she meant by this at first because sex is a very ambiguous word, and thought maybe she had said something about how women experience sexual pleasure. Nope. And Forstater didn’t just state biological sex is real, she was being rude to trans people and saying they don’t deserve rights. I’ve seen this technique used by transphobes/terfs and exclusionists. Transphobes will say things like “men shouldn’t be allowed in women’s bathrooms” which naturally I at first agree with until I realise by “men” they mean trans women. Exclusionists will say “this person thinks cishet people should be in the LGBT community” which I think sounds absurd until I realise they’re referring to ace/aros (many of whom are not straight or cis). So she’s giving a dogwhistle to her transphobic followers, letting them know she’s one of them while still having most of her followers go on blissfully unaware. She’s avoiding criticism and her pr team might even be able to get away with saying her tweet was misinterpreted again.

So yeah that’s my two cents on it. I’m cis so I might not have covered everything and if there’s anything anyone would like to add, go right ahead!

#anti jk rowling #transphobia #alexia talks

[jtodd-whomst]

Honestly, Fuck Endgame

So yea they all live in the tower. After Avengers 1, they’re like “o fuk Loki was being mind controlled and we can prove it” and they’re like “the best way we can keep an eye on him is for him to stay with us, fuck you Oversight Committee” and they keep him around in the tower, and eventually he becomes an honorary Avenger. It gets episodic after that, because now that there are superheroes, there are super villains too. They may have accidentally created their own problem?? Oops. Anyways, Steve moves to DC for a while to work for SHIELD and then CATWS happens but not so crazy, in reality it’s like “well shit we can’t trust SHIELD now cause they’re all HYDRA, but thank god we had a clean split and we can definitely trust who’s left.” So, basically it’s Fury, Maria, and Coulson (who is not dead) running the picture now, and HYDRA is on the run. Steve moves back into the tower, before leaving to look for Bucky. He takes Sam with him, and it takes a year but they find him. Meanwhile, Thor and Jane and Loki leave for a minute for TTDW, then they come back just fine (no death lol). Avengers 2 never happens lol, and they meet Wanda and Pietro while taking down HYDRA goons, rescue them, and then fun shit. Meanwhile, a kid named Peter starts hanging around Tony a lot under the premise of a “Stark internship” but really he’s a spider kid! Steve and Buck are back in the tower, Bucky is recovering (though he still has awful days) and things are going fine. No CACW!!! Then Thor and Loki are gone yet again for a minute to deal with Hela, and Thor gets Kickass lightning powers (but he still keeps his hammer for shenanigans). Then Hank Pym is like “hey tony meet my daughter and asshole son in law” and they’re like “holy shit you can shrink” and they communicate (but don’t live with them yet). Then they’re like”o fuk villains are using magic now??” And then Doc Strange is like “Yo” and the team is like “this might as well happen.” He doesn’t live with them, but he’s an honorary avenger. Then Wakanda is like “heyyyy um we’re actually hella advanced, but we hate all y’all and we’ll only work with the Avengers because we have a legacy of heroes in this country also they answer to no nation, so we like them bc they won’t put up w colonial bs” and the avengers are like “wow we fuckin love Wakanda, how about we be allies because holy shit your king is a cat” and Shuri was like “please T’Challa I wanna meme w Peter” so they’re allies now. Then the GOTG show up and are like “yo watch out there’s this purple dude in a chair tryna collect rocks” and then Carol shows up like “yo watch out there’s this purple dude in a chair tryna collect rocks and also I’m GAY” and so the avengers like like “hell no” so they fight thanos and Clint shoots Scott up Thanos’s ass and he expands and he dies in a big purple goop explosion!!! And he dies, and they return the infinity stones to where they belong (aka they put the tesseract back in the place the Red Skull found it, they put the Aether back in the weird rock, they give back the time stone to Strange, they Yeet the soul stone back into hell where it came from, they give the power stone to Peter Quill for safe keeping because he’s the only one who can touch it w/o vaporizing because he’s basically half ancient cosmic entity (also he didn’t lose his powers with the death of Ego), and they keep the mind stone). So then Tony and Shuri and Loki are dicking around in the lab and accidentally use a combo of science and Magic and the Mind Stone and suddenly JARVIS has a body??? Aka Vision is born and JARVIS learns how to be a person and a computer at the same time, and sort of falls in love with Wanda along the way.

Or, the AU in which Loki and Bucky are best friends and little shits and prank the fuck out of everyone, Steve is Tired Team Mom and also an Angry Feminist, Shuri and Pete are baby avengers and meme bros, Thor is actually a smart dude and not entirely played for laughs even though he still waxes poetic about pop tarts, Clint lives in the Vents with Sam and they’re bird bros, Nat is sneaky as fuck and shares Team Wine Aunt duty with Pepper (who still has her lit af fire powers), Carol and Fury laugh about the crazy kids, Tony and Bruce are Science Bros, Tony lives off of caffeine and his love for Peter and Bruce is team doctor and also the only reasonable one here, Strange makes a few appearances from time to time with wise words of advice, Rhodey supervises from the background, sometimes the guardians pop in, and it’s all good and no one has to hurt too much, even though there’s angst, but everyone lives and they all get a happy ending.

Also if you all think I forgot about Morgan Stark you’re dead wrong, she’s a darling girl and all her aunties and uncles and non-binary caregivers love her very much.

Also because I’m gay and I rub my queer hands all over fandom, Steve is Bi and has been gone for Bucky since the 20’s and they’re practically married (and probably literally married by the end of the work), Loki is gender-fluid like in the comics, everyone is feminist as fuck and pretty darn liberal, Clint is the Ace rep we deserve (the thing for purple is a dead giveaway), Nat is bi af, and so was Peggy, also Valkyrie is actually shown to be bi and not just implied because of stupid Disney and their stupid rules, and all the relationships (straight or gay or whatever) are built on mutual respect and trust and they actually talk out their issues like rational people instead of causing excess drama. They’re extra, but not that extra.

The only things I’m keeping from Endgame are Nat and Carol’s cool new hairstyles, and Professor Hulk. Also the “America’s Ass” comments because damn. That’s a nice booty.

#mine #swearing #long post #endgame #endgame spoilers #fix it #i will eventually write this #mama didnt raise no coward #avengers #yea this is my story officer and im sticking to it #its one am what do you expect #stucky #tony stark #steve rogers #captain marvel #captain america #bucky barnes #spiderman #avengers 2012

[doecourser-moved-blog]

🌻 About/BYF 🌻 (warning, very lengthy, lots of emojis and obnoxious colors bc i’m just like that™️)

Hi, my name’s Gabriella but I prefer Gabe. Welcome to my discourse blog where I discuss LGBT matters. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that I needed this the minute I made this account so here we are. Here’s my opinions before you follow me. Oh, and everyone is allowed to interact ‘cause this is discourse, just not MAPs or their supporters. I’m reasonably very uncomfortable with their presence and my discourse is about specific matters not relating to them (read: this is mostly lgbt discourse and y’all ain’t LGBT and never will be. stay mad about it you ain’t hurting me 🤷🏾‍♀️). The most attention they have here are posts warning people about them. Everyone else, interact freely as long as you be respectful. 💖

,

- I am a transmed. I strongly believe you need any level of gender dysphoria to transition. Not self hatred, just that disconnection from your brain sex and your body.👩🏾‍⚕️

- I am an ace exclusionist. The acronym ends at ‘T’. Aces are valid and deserve love and support, but cishet ones just aren’t LGBT. 🖤💜🖤💜

- I am strongly against MOGAI. They don’t actually support or help confused kids who suspect they may be trans or attracted to the same gender, just confuses them further and turns them into miserable people (speaking from experience, not even gonna lie). 👎🏾

- Queer is a slur. Always has been, always will be. Respect the fact that not all of us are comfortable with reclaiming it and me and you will be cool. It’s LGBT, not LGBTQ or any variation of that.🙃

- Aces, especially cishet ones have no business reclaiming words like queer, d*ke, f*g, and other slurs. Those aren’t for y’all to reclaim. End of discussion.🤫🤫🤫

- Pansexuality is just for when people want to be sneaky with their biphobia and transphobia. They aren’t more inclusive than bi people, just pretentious at best. If anything, they annoy me more than demisexuals with their obnoxiousness and that’s saying something. 👀 ☕️

- The he/him lesbians on Tumblr (aka folk doing that just to be doing it and not bc they’re closeted or any other legit reason) aren’t valid and actually give me headaches. Long story short words have meanings and I’m sure we all have access to a dictionary! OwO📕 Better open it up!

- I’m willing to believe the existence of legitimate dysphoric nonbinary people. I’m skeptical of nb in the sense in that I think it could be real, it’s just rarer than what Tumblr makes it out to be! 💜🖤💛

- Some brutal honesty? This website infantilizes LGBT members. We need for some of you to accept the fact that not all of us perfect and none of us are your “pwecious delicate sinnamon rolls can do no wrong uwu”. 😇

- I’m pro shipping or whatever you call team ship whatever the fuck you want, but I’m not personally into those kind of ships so just tag the disturbing shit so we won’t have to see it alright? 💔

- Suicide baiting and witch hunts are W R O N G and this shouldn’t be an argument considering how old most of us are. That’s just fact. ☕️

- Radfems/TERFs/any other brand of feminism like those are disgusting and make the entire feminist movement look bad‼️‼️ 👎🏾

Stim blogs, mental health resource blogs, and trans resource blogs have absolutely no business in discourse. Anyone should be able interact with them. Don’t give a shit about people in your community only when they completely agree with you.

- I very much support recovery from mental health. Please love yourselves. Anti-recovery is seriously dangerous! 💖

- Self-diagnosing is horrible and you should leave that kind of thing to a professional.👨🏾‍⚕️

- Already mentioned them but I can’t make this clearer!! I don’t support MAPs!!!🖕🏾Go away!! Bye! Go anywhere else but this website full of children!! Therapy!! Counselling!! Definitely prison if you don’t want those other two things and want your depravity to be normalized!! 👮🏾‍♀️👮🏾‍♂️ Also interact all you want, but like nine times out of ten I’m ignoring you.

Alright that’s all my opinionated ass has for now. Stay tuned, there’s probably more to add on ‘Cause Tumblr’s just like that ™️ and is at a constant state of trying to screw with people.

#anti map #anti terf #anti swerf #pro recovery #ace exclusion #pro shipping #anti mogai #before you follow #transmed #truscum #this post has it all baby #he/him lesbians #lgbt discourse #q slur #slurs #anti radfem #pro nb #maps dont interact #maps dni #gabri.txt #long post

[independentartistbuzz]

7 from the women: The Machismas

The Machismas are a  female fronted rock band and production team. We are a synergy of creative performers, musicians, and video professionals dedicated to communicating messages of equality, compassion, and self-respect. We loved catching up with them!

1. What have you been working to promote lately? (here you can showcase a track, an EP or a video – give us at least 150 words about it and a link or embed code)

Song and video called We Are The Change that you can watch embedded above!

2. Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

‘The Best’ recorded by Tina Turner and written by Holly Knight & Mike Chapman. The message of this song is a powerful anthem of passion and love.

3. What does it mean to you to be a woman making music / in the music business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

I think the role of veteran women songwriters/producers, like myself, is to support other women musicians in the complex business of creating and navigating being successful in launching their music.

In terms of the messages and themes, I like to write empowering anthems that are from a woman’s perspective. Women are passionate and I like to write about that, for example, a song & video released earlier this year called I’ve Got Your Back. https://youtu.be/Cp6JfYybYzw

4. What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?

Pat Benatar, Shania Twain, Chrissie Hynde. Particularly Shania Twain because her then husband, Robert Mutt Lange, has provided much inspiration to me as a songwriter/producer.

5. Who was the first female artist you saw that made you want to create music / be in the business?

Actually, the truth is initially I had all male influences. From guitar players like Jimi Hendrix and Jeff Beck to songwriter/producer Robert Mutt Lange of AC/DC, Def Leppard, Shania Twain, and more! He has provided enormous inspiration for me throughout the years and still does!

With that said I really admire Chrissie Hynde (Pretenders) and some of the great rock singers such as Ann Wilson and Celine Dion. I know Celine isn’t really known for rock, however, her vocal abilities are out of this world!

6. Who is your favorite female icon (dead or alive) and why?

Chrissy Amphlett of the 80s group the Divinyls. I think of her because she was so unique even though her career was short lived. She wasn’t trying to be an 80s singer. She was always herself, which must have been very tough at the time. The pressure to conform to be like others must have been intense.

7. Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so why and if not why?

Labels can provide a stereo type or a bias, which is why I steer clear of them somewhat. With that said, from my view a feminist is someone who supports equal rights for women. Of course, I am for that!!!

Connect with The Machismas via:

https://themachismas.com/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHABb7OD9jCSwYknm139BQA

https://www.facebook.com/theMachismas

https://www.instagram.com/themachismas/

[rosemaryturgeon-blog1]

Ladies.

Have you ever viewed a woman with a hair colour you positively enjoyed-- you asked her what colour that was, she told you as well as you went straight out as well as bought the exact same colour. Most ladies don't even think their relationship will certainly be short so they are actually looking for trust right off the first day. This isn't really rather a terror as Statutory offense Society but this only heads to show how also today, males are actually valued more than ladies. The 30's girl is going to often choose a briefer style from hair as opposed to the high routine maintenance from longer hair as well as the requirements on the female's time to preserve her long hair style. To date, I understand of loads from females that, unable to become pregnant, have actually located success after drinking up to a quart from reddish clover mixture everyday for at the very least six weeks. To keep your optimal physical body weight, it's often recommended that you maintain a healthy lifestyle, which includes a well-thought-out diet regimen as well as frequent physical exercise. Becky Miller, an ACE-certified personal trainer, has actually created strength training systems for individuals from any ages as well as fitness levels due to the fact that 2001.

My wife scammed on me one full week after our team had sex and was actually possibly scamming on me during the course of our relationship as 2 from her good friends explained. Having said that, truth hermaphrodite (an individual having entirely operating male and female genitalia) is undoubtedly a rarity. Through comprehending the thinking behind ladies's exemption, however, girls in the church manage to form a solid bond with religious beliefs once more, as they as soon as carried out in the moments from pre-Christianity as well as pre Greco-Roman views. In a community where the Black women body pertains, Dark feminists are actually clamoring to become considereded as an http://bodystrenght.info everyday sort of appeal as opposed to unusual. However, when one thinks of the Seventies everyone brings a remembrance from a prototype that represents the age. My better half uses her hair gray, and I like that. She changed off a blonde to gray. As that turns out, waistcoats are actually something from a well-known product amongst men that like to wear women's clothes, no question for the factors I discussed previously. I've still reached find out more product specifically on "The Old Girl," since relevant information on this topic maintains leading me to 'rest deprival' and 'rest problems' write-ups, which may not be informing me much concerning the scenarios from SP that may be looked at paranormal celebrations as opposed to physical results on the body of very stressed out persons. The 2nd day, Fredrick Douglas spoke in support from females's civil liberties. It makes best sense that a woman uses just what she thinks comfy in. The sari will definitely continue to gain the typical garment tag in India, nevertheless, large number of ladies have actually quit on using a sari daily.

Nerve and toughness are not males's qualities greater than they are actually ladies's. Long gone are actually the times when a girl lived in the home till she was actually wed, spent her grown-up years as a housewife, as well as certainly never held back a job of her own. Aside from that, as sexual is a vital part in a pair's relationship, sex-related dissatisfaction could cause estrangement in between a man as well as a girl. I love my black thermals and experience that they are actually far classier than the inexpensive white ones I utilized to put on. I search in with caring eyes, For folded right here, along with prominent care, An appreciable celebration is located, The file of a serene lifestyle- Presents to delicate youngster and gal, A bridal gown, lines to a better half, A very small shoe, an infant curl.

[jsnorcross]

A little about me

So I originally posted something yesterday, but as I re-read it, I realized that I was not effectively getting my thoughts across so I got rid of it - it was more like a rant anyways... So a little on me (more than my first post anyways): I'm 44, staring at 45 later in March and I've been thinking about how much I have evolved through my life. Yes, I did say evolve because I feel that's what I've experienced moreso than just mere change. I don't find that word near as offensive as some of my heavy bible thumping friends do, but I believe to each their own. I have my religious beliefs like everyone else (including those that have an absence of religion) and I don't feel it is my place to impress upon anyone my religion. If you ask, I'll gladly share with you and speak to you indepthly about it and how it can positively affect your life. If you don't ask, I'm not going to chase after you and beat you over the head with it. So I graduated high school at 19; mostly because my mother didn't know how to enroll me into kindergarten when I was five, so I started when I was six. No big deal, I got my education and moved on. I was a nerd to some extent; big glasses, allergies, shitty at the only two sports offered at my school (basketball and baseball). I did take Karate as a kid and eventually did get black belts in Tae Kwon Do and Kenpo. It helped to give me confidence when I had to deal with bullies in school. Not the people who teased me or said things to me to "hurt my feelings" - because I essentially didn't care; I was there to endure the process to graduate to get on with my life, nothing more. I left home two weeks after I graduated and went to the Marine Corps. I tested in the 90-percentile and they were chomping at the bit for me to go Intelligence or some other high-speed occupation. I joined the Marine Corps for a simple reason; I was a wuss and I needed to toughen up, grow up and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Also, I'm a patriot and believed it was my duty as a citizen to serve, so I did - in the infantry. I did my time, made Sergeant and got out; grew my hair long, grew a beard and eventually shaved it all off again to sign up with the National Guard as a medic. I figured I had contributed to the death of enough people in my time, it was time to save some lives. While nothing can ever really erase that stain and the nightmares, I felt it was something better. Also, I was working on an ambulance at the time, so it fit. Overall, 15 years of military service and I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. There were a lot of factors, but needless to say it was time to move on. I worked as an EMT-Intermediate for a while, I did Ultrasound and later did a complete switch-aroo and found myself working as a cop in a small town. It wasn't bad for awhile; until policing starting going backwards in time, away from community policing and back to an "us vs. them" mentality. During this time, I went to school and got both my BA and MPA degrees. I eventually made it to being considered for Chief, but lost to someone who knew how to blow smoke and here I was just being honest. Needless to say, the new guy decided to get rid of all his competition, so me and the Asst. Chief were forced to retire. I went back to working on an ambulance again for a while and went to tech school at night for computer networking. During that, I also taught Political Science and Government for the same college district that I attended as a student. So yes, sometimes my techie classmates were my students, so it made for some interesting, surprised looks sometimes, but it was all good. I taught government quite a bit differently than most profesors at my school. My goal was to get you to understand how it was supposed to work, how it actually worked, and what parts you played in the whole matrix. During all this, I brought up issues for classroom discussion. Sometimes I did it gently and fun, other times I would purposeful start with something "offensive" to wake the class up for a good discussion. See my goal was to make you think, not be a robot or someone who regurgitated information. Why did I think this was important? Because of how I evolved through my life. All growing up, I was clueless - I was a regurgitator of educational information and I was good at it. I registered to vote at 18 as an Independent and later switched to Republican because I felt myself drawn to very conservative values; both socially and politically. I maintained this through my time in the Marines and when I got out, I was a narrow-minded, LGBTQ-hating, anti-feminist jackass. I got my first ambulance job. I worked with this guy named Robert and we were a great team. We got into a lot of rough calls together and back each other up, etc... We were an ace team. I was at home one day talking with one of my other friends and I remarked about something regarding Robert. My friend told me that Robert was gay. I had no clue; but I wondered why he never mentioned it to me. Trust me, me and Robert talked during shift and I ran my ignorant mouth all sorts of wrong ways. My friend told me that Robert was scared to tell me because he thought I wouldn't work with him anymore and might even beat him up. I had to think about that for a while. I eventually had the heart-to-heart with Robert and he began to help me square away my ignorance. Needless to say, now, love is love and it's your business and I don't care. Like I mentioned in previous posts about supporting it; I've recently changed my thoughts on that too. Needless to say, I'm a work in progress, but I'm growing and I'm open to listen and talk and most importantly, learn where I might be thinking like an idiot. IN fact, I recently learned (from reading her Tumblr blog) that one of my dearest friends has acknowledged she is Bisexual. She hasn't officially told me yet, so I won't say anything. I think she might wonder how I would react to this (which tells me I still need work, but I'm trying)... I so want to tell her that I love her no matter what (friend love - I'm married). I want to let her know I support and will be there for her - I'm thinking that I should take the initiative, but I know this can be a scary and delicate subject for some. If you're reading this and have thoughts, I invite your comments and suggestions as to how I should approach this or even do anything to let her know, I'm her biggest fan. Anyways to continue; my attitude on women. I got "stuck" working with a woman on the ambulance after Robert left for a different job. She was stigmatized as someone who cries wolf with regards to sexual harassment. First day together, I put our unit out of service to clear the air and to make sure we could work together. She told me the actual story about her past and needless to say she was getting screwed by the rumor-mill. We worked together for 2 years and was the best partner I ever had. Chrissy changed my thoughts, opinions, and feelings and I truly believe that women are men's equals. In fact, my preference is I would rather work with a woman, as an EMT, Cop, professor, and even in I.T. because I feel women are more reliable and professional in many cases that I have personally experienced. There is no battle of egos, it's just teamwork all the way. My good friend now (who I mentioned just above), we'll call her Jay. She is one of the biggest hotshots in public safety I know (in a very good way). A fighting single-mom and altogether good person. She also states that she is a very Liberal Democrat (and I a conservative - fun mix, eh?)... My own examination of politics, sociology and life experience had me leaning more moderate for time. I think she's working on me; I'm finding myself to be more progressive on many issues. As a political thinker, I'm very Constitutional - I don't accept the extreme interpretations of either the left or the right in this regard. I think both extreme sides are wrong in their interpretation, largely influenced by their own agendas of their respective political parties. I won't talk more on this simply because I'm working on a book in which I discuss this extensively and I don't want to give anything. All in all, I've come a long way, but I acknowledge that I have still more to go. I think we all do in different areas in different respects. That is the thing with life, you should never stop learning and improving. Always strive to be a better person in all aspects of what you do, think and feel.

[funnythingshere0-blog]

The first feminist comedy club is ready to bring the funny

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/the-first-feminist-comedy-club-is-ready-to-bring-the-funny/

The first feminist comedy club is ready to bring the funny

On Los Angeles’s Sunset Boulevard, a street bursting with comedy clubs and live acts, lies a small theater devoted to a new kind of entertainment: inclusive comedy. The Ruby is a self-described comedy theater and school “openly founded on the ideals of intersectional feminism.”

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On a late Friday night in May, a showcase at The Ruby features a medley of women putting a humorous spin on difficult topics ranging from a parent’s death to childhood racism to tokenism in Hollywood. After each set, presenters are handed a bat and given free will to bash a number of archaic ’80s electronics. It’s meant to be cathartic.

Soon, it’s time for a thirtysomething Asian-American comedian to take the stage. (For privacy reasons, the theater requested that we not use the comics’ names.) “I am what you call fat,” she says, before launching into her stand-up origin story.

At an open mic night some years prior, she went on right after a male comedian whose set dripped with sexism. The man told one “joke” that went, “If a girl says no, it means yes, and if she says hell no, that means I’m gonna follow her to her car.” The audience ate it up.

Already nervous, the young woman was now alarmed. She got on stage and started her act. She poked fun at her size, insinuating that she eats too much or confuses eating a rabbit dish with consuming an entire rabbit. A few chuckles and snickers were thrown her way.

Following her set, the male comedian who made the rape joke came up to her. “You really shouldn’t do jokes about your weight,” he said. “It makes the audience uncomfortable.”

She responded the way society expects women to: with a polite nod and a meek thanks. The experience was so humiliating that she was sure she was done. Tonight, at the Ruby, she tells the audience, “That was the last stand-up comedy set I tried [for years].”

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From there, she walks over to the corner of the small black stage, picks up goggles and a bat, and eviscerates a VHS tape. Beyoncé’s “I’m Feeling Myself” blares over the speakers as pieces of plastic zip across the room. The crowd erupts into cheers.

“We couldn’t have done this five years ago”

Comedian Jen Curran performed and taught sketch comedy for over 15 years, having previously served as the managing director of the Peoples Improv Theater in New York. She’s no stranger to a scene dominated by men. A recent report by Bitch Media found that female comics represented just 20% of the lineup at New York City’s iconic club Caroline’s, and only 8% of headliners were women.

Jesse Suphan, creator of Impride, a  LGBTQ Pride Comedy Festival in its second year, says openly gay, queer, and trans comics are “vastly underrepresented,” accounting for less than 10% of onstage acts.

This trend plays out on the national stage as well: Of 2017’s top 10 highest-earning stand-up comedians, only one was a woman: Amy Schumer. She is also the first female comic to make the Forbes top paid comedians list.

The Ruby cofounders (from left) Randy Thompson, Jen Curran, and Lindsey Barrow onstage. [Photo: courtesy of Nicolle Villela]

In April of this year, Curran, along with fellow comedians Lindsey Barrow and Randy Thompson, opened The Ruby, named after the precious stone known for its beauty, value, and strength. “It’s something that can cut you,” Curran says. The founders envisioned an Upright Citizens Brigade, but built on the ideals of intersectional feminism, which takes into consideration the multiple facets of women’s identity, including race, class, ethnicity, religion, and sexual orientation. Curran, Barrow, and Thompson wanted a theater and school for people who were fed up with the standard comedy model, “which tends to, perhaps just by default, cater to a straight white guy who probably has a little extra money in his pocket,” says Curran.

The founders used the tenets of The Feminist Organization’s Handbook for The Ruby’s hiring process, teaching methods, and programming. Curran says it accentuates the need to be communicative, transparent, safe, tolerant, and open-minded about all groups and genders. “Our goal is to lift up and support and carry and represent underrepresented voices in comedy,” Curran says.

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More than 50% of The Ruby’s teachers are women or minorities, and in-house performers are evenly split between men and women. (When Curran performed elsewhere, she says it was closer to 20% women.) Roughly 80% of The Ruby’s visiting groups of performers are led by women, LGBTQ, or persons of color.

There’s also transparency into which board members approve house teams—crucial in a medium as subjective as comedy. “If you don’t have representation across the board at these places, you’re probably only having your staff and your leadership and the people who are the gatekeepers respond to a certain type of comedy,” says Curran. “A woman of color might have a very different sense of humor than a white guy.”

There is zero tolerance for bullying and sexual harassment at The Ruby. Anti-harassment policy guidelines hang all over the theater. Curran notes that female performers and writers are drawn to the club because they haven’t felt safe in traditional theaters where, they say, sexual assault accusations are swept under the rug.

“I would say in the last few years there’s really been a groundswell of women not willing to put up with it anymore,” Curran says. The explosion of the #MeToo movement made the need for female-centered spaces all the more urgent.

As for the comedy, The Ruby doesn’t focus exclusively on feminist or progressive topics, though it often swings that way. A show called Headscarves and Durags, for example, is described as a “one-hour comedy show featuring ‘woke’ comedians with an emphasis on legitimate diversity.” But there’s also a show about “all of the things people ignore in pop culture classics.” The only way the theater influences content is by ensuring that jokes punch up, not down.

“You want to make jokes about people who may oppress us,” Curran says. “We don’t want to make jokes about people that we are in a system to oppress.”

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Curran doesn’t find all traditional stand-up clubs to be anti-feminist; in fact, she applauds recent efforts to add more female-focused showcases and inclusion initiatives. UCB hosts more than a dozen shows featuring underrepresented groups, as well as Improv Jams specifically open to women, LGBTQ, and diverse backgrounds. But prior to The Ruby’s founding, no one theater was devoted to these ideals.

“Something we kept hearing over and over from women in the comedy scene is, ‘Wouldn’t it be great if we had a space, a community, an idea that we could get behind, that was for us?’” Curran says. “I think that is something we probably could not have even done five years ago. I don’t think it would have been welcome.”

Comedian Emily Heller

No boys allowed (jk)

Women in comedy have long felt the need for female-centric spaces. Last year, comedic writer Erika Abdelatif founded Late Night with Jimmy Fallopian Tubes, a late night-style show written and performed entirely by a diverse group of women at UCB in L.A. Like its namesake, the ongoing series features a monologue and pokes fun at current events from a female perspective.

Abdelatif started the mock program after realizing that late-night TV was still essentially a boys’ club. Women have made progress in late-night–with Samantha Bee and soon Busy Phillips joining the ranks–but they still make up less than 20% of writers’ rooms on these programs.

“Women needed a place that was accessible for them to go and learn, where they could grow in their practice,” Abdelatif says. “Every single month I have women come up to me and say, ‘Thank you—I never thought that I would have this opportunity.’ I can relate to that.”

Early Show: https://t.co/aqe9dH5Py3 Late Show: https://t.co/lot8CWVL01 pic.twitter.com/NM0XJtCeJ6

— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) June 11, 2018

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Comedian Emily Heller took the idea one step further by jokingly requesting that men refrain from purchasing tickets to her taped comedy special in Seattle. Heller, who also serves as a writer on the HBO series Barry, has performed stand-up for 10 years, with appearances on Conan as well as a Comedy Central Half Hour.

“NO MEN ALLOWED!” Heller tweeted last month, adding “This policy will not be enforced, but I’d love to get as much publicity as Wonder Woman for this.” She tells Fast Company that the tweet was not meant literally, but rather as “just sort of a joke about how difficult it is to create women-only spaces when it’s technically illegal.” (Last year, comedian Iliza Shlesinger was sued for discrimination after a man was turned away from her “Girls Night In” show at the Largo in Los Angeles.)

“There are jokes in my act that women like more than men, and I want my comedy to do as well as possible when I’m recording it,” Heller says. “There’s a joke in my act about wanting to take my bra off as soon as I get home. There’s just there’s no way men are going to understand that joke the way women do.”

Heller recalls the instrumental women-only open mic nights she attended in San Francisco, whose camaraderie and communal support encouraged individuals to rally for representation. “Women have had to build these spaces for ourselves,” she says. “I think that that is true of any other group that’s seen as not the norm in stand-up comedy.”

Tokenism, bye

Supporting inclusivity is more than just hosting a one-off women’s showcase or adding a person of color to a line-up. Abdelatif says she’s witnessed numerous writers’ rooms hire one woman or person of color to satisfy management. “But is that really sufficient?” she asks.

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Tess Paras is an Asian-American actress and comedian who now teaches regularly at The Ruby. She’s appeared on popular TV shows such as Grimm, Crazy-Ex Girlfriend, and Take My Wife, and she’s experienced tokenism, even now as the industry claims it wants to be more minority-friendly. “We’re in a messy place,” she says.

It’s not enough to cast underrepresented groups here and there, Paras says. They need to be in leadership roles: in the writers’ room and in the director’s chair. She points to the quote by activist and scholar Dr. Su’ad Abdul Khabeer: “You don’t give a voice to the voiceless–just pass the mic.”

“If we want better shows, better content, better stories, it’s got to come from the folks who haven’t had the opportunity to share their experiences,” Paras says.

Heller also takes issue with the overwhelming amount of press coverage female comedians receive regarding their gender status. “It seems like the only thing people want to write about us sometimes,” she says.

She wishes the focus would stick to what these comedians are doing: working on being funny. It’s what male comics get, no questions asked. “We don’t want the shit we’re up against to define what we do,” Heller says. A the same time, she says, in a follow-up email, “If the only media requests I get are to talk about this stuff, you can bet I’m gonna use it to talk about my special.”

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Financial barriers and accessibility are also overlooked. Women in Comedy, a Chicago-based volunteer organization and accelerator, offers free or low-cost events and resources for women seeking paid careers in comedy. It’s a donation-based network of six chapters across the U.S. that partners with established theaters like Second City, coworking spaces, and local community shows. It currently has 1,000 registered members.

“Paying $400 to take a comedy class can be a financial barrier for a lot of women,” says Women in Comedy founder Victoria Elena Nones. “We’re breaking down those barriers so they can connect to each other without feeling like they have to pay to take a class to do that.”

Despite the growing pains in this industry, Paras is optimistic about what Hollywood might look like in the next few years. She points to a recent casting call in which the sign-in sheet asked actors to write their preferred gender pronoun. “I feel like the fact that people are being more vocal about trying is imperative and inspiring,” she says.

The Ruby, for its part, is in growth mode. The theater launched a podcast network and is contemplating opening a location in New York. At the school, most classes are full, with women making up 70% of students.

The cofounders envision spreading The Ruby format to more cities across America–not just with a physical concept, but through partnerships and collaborations. It’s about “comedy using tolerance, open-mindedness, and representations to build itself,” Curran says. “The Ruby is helping forge that trend ahead, and potentially, inspire fellow industry leaders and comedians.

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“It’s encouraging women and underrepresented people to create comedy that they find funny. We want to inspire you to say, ‘I am funny, I’m enough–my voice is good enough.’”

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Source: https://www.fastcompany.com/40587906/the-first-feminist-comedy-club-is-ready-to-bring-the-funny

[colorisbyshe]

@catandkitty

"explain it honestly" ace tumblr would never

The funny thing is people would be 100% less hostile and 100% more accommodating if aces were less manipulative? And more honest about the fact they don’t necessarily want LGBT specific support for their problems but rather any support possible but it just feels like it’s easiest to be assisted by the LGBT community because there’s more wiggle room.

Or if they admitted they felt this way because they got all of their information about both asexuality and the LGBT community from tumblr and literally just didn’t know better.

Because I think a lot of us would agree that the issues the ace community face are worth, like, helping with? They just go about it the wrong way and ignore the fact that literally all of the resources they need are established through feminist groups or groups made to address sexual violence.

When they manipulate and pin all their shit on the LGBT Community (which, btw, doesn’t particularly have resources that address ANY of the issues aces talk about, including what they call corrective rape because most LGBT programs then just team up with pre-existing programs made to address sexual violence to make sure their staff is educated on how to handle them with sensitivity), people get defensive because we’ve been so busy dealing with actual issues we don’t know how to respond to guilt tripping and like “if I’m sad you must take care of me” shit which non-ace cishets ALSO try to do ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Like, we know what cishet guilt tripping and manipulation looks like, so of course we’re going to get pissed off when the waves of cishet kinksters and the waves of cishet pedophiles and waves of cishet polyams recede and are replaced with a wave of cishet aces.

We’ve seen this dishonesty and manipulation a million times before, aces just landed on the perfect era of liberalism and identity politics to, well, make waves.

[robbiemeadow]

Marriage is a Dance

“Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing, and finding deeper connection. It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again. Minute to minute and day to day.” – Dr. Sue Johnson

My first exposure to “couples dancing” was through a semester-long ballroom dance class in college. My now husband and I eagerly absorbed the sampler of foxtrot, waltz, tango, swing, and salsa, and we aced our final recital with flying colors.

We learned some basic rhythms and a few fancy moves. It was just enough to impress a few friends, and keep us on the dance floor till the very end of the night at weddings (including our own), parties, and “swing nights” at the dude ranch where we worked for a summer.

However, as much as we loved our college dance teacher, and as relentless as we were on the dance floor, we were by no means “experts.” As obvious as that might seem, I somehow believed that with a class or two and some additional practice, my partner and I would look just like those couples on “Dancing with the Stars.” Subconsciously, I brought this same expectation into my marriage.

My husband and I were the first of our friends to get married at the wise old ages of 22 and 23. We set out as a team to love and serve one another, and to show the world the beauty of a committed marriage. We had managed to work through all of our conflict, met twice with another couple to discuss premarital topics, and to top it off, I was in the middle of graduate school to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. We had learned all of the valuable lessons of what it takes to make a relationship great, so marriage would be a breeze.

You probably know where I am going with this. Although marriage was easily the best decision I have ever made, marriage itself is not inherently easy. Like dance, marriage is a humbling experience. While a beautiful, harmonious marriage is certainly possible, we have been learning that it takes continual concerted effort, intention, and commitment over time.

To that extent, my husband and I have had a unique and powerful opportunity to strengthen our relationship through the art of dance.

The art of dance

At a recent couples workshop offered through The Gottman Institute (TGI), Michael Haug, owner of Flow Dance Studios, approached me while I was working at our professional development table. He spoke of the parallels between his work with couples on the dance floor and the Gottman’s work with couples through workshops, books, articles, and therapy, and inquired whether TGI would be interested in collaborating with him to explore the interrelated nature of our fields.

As an eagerly aspiring dancer and an enthusiast for metaphors, I took him up on his offer for my husband and I to take private and group lessons at Flow Studios for a month. While I already had a sense that couples dancing could be beneficial for your relationship, I did not realize just how many parallels we would draw and how many lessons we would learn along the way.

Take Turns as Leader and Follower If you have ever taken a couples dance class, you are probably aware that there is a “lead” and a “follow.” In nearly every tradition of couples dance, it is typically expected that a male step into the role of the lead, and that the woman acts in the role of the follow.

The feminist in me rejoiced when Michael swiftly broke down this traditional paradigm during our first lesson. My husband and I each took turns exploring the roles of leader and follower.

Michael explained the necessity of understanding and practicing both roles, in order to communicate and flow with one another in a harmonious manner. He described how it is “difficult for the lead to effectively direct his/her partner, unless (s)he really understands what it is like to be in his/her partner’s shoes.”

Seek First to Understand As I led my husband across the dance floor, I quickly learned that this role is far more difficult than it appears, and was struck with a conviction. Despite my best intentions, I recognized how easily I become impatient and frustrated when I feel that my partner isn’t leading us as smoothly as I would like him to.

This led to the insight that perhaps, just possibly, I might still have some work to do in the realm of extending patience, grace, and space for my partner to lead. We are not going to look like “Dancing with the Stars” by the end of the lesson, and that’s okay.

While my husband immersed himself in the experience of the follower, he swiftly realized how difficult it is to follow a leader who is not clearly and directly communicating the dance. He provided me with gentle feedback that I could be a bit more direct and communicative with my body language, and simultaneously internalized that perhaps he needs to do the same when he is leading.

All within this 50-minute lesson, intrinsic patterns, behaviors, and dynamics in our relationship surfaced as we danced to various compositions of blues, rock, swing, and folk. We not only gained insights into ourselves and one another’s experiences, but also had the chance to practice changing and developing preferred patterns of interaction.

I realized that while I have a more direct, extroverted, need-to-be-in control kind of personality than my husband, I need to purposefully create space and extend extra patience to him in order for him to lead effectively. Likewise, my husband was able to recognize how much I need him to be open, direct, and communicative with me, in order for us to move harmoniously, whether on the dance floor, or in everyday life.

Synchrony Through Balance and Understanding Fairly quickly into our second lesson, we experienced an unspoken breakthrough—a transition from awkward clumsiness, frustration, and stepping on one another’s toes, to a more graceful, fluid dance that left us feeling connected and refreshed on a deeper level, long after we left class that day.

There is no doubt that there were other contributing factors to this “breakthrough,” which I will explore later on. However, when we took the time to mindfully explore both roles, we strengthened both our understanding of and respect for our partner’s world and experiences. In short, we each felt heard and respected, which strengthened our connection.

I think we can probably all agree that it feels good to have someone take the time to listen and to seek to understand you—to pursue the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual knowledge of what it is like to be in your shoes. And to not only seek to understand you, but to also take this knowledge of who you really are into account when making decisions.

This type of balanced relationship is what we were striving for on the dance floor, and what we seek out on a daily basis in our relationship.

While my husband and I were committed to the idea of an egalitarian and balanced marriage from the beginning, our definition has certainly evolved. For a while, my understanding of an equal marriage meant that everything needed to be perfectly “fair” and that we needed to consult one another for every single decision.

We would now say that a balanced, egalitarian relationship is one that strives first to understand your partner, and then to act with your partner’s best interest in mind. This kind of balance and consideration for one another allows you each to feel heard and respected, deepening the synchrony and connection between the two of you.

Leading with Your Partner’s Best Interests in Mind I am not inherently opposed to my husband taking the “lead” at times. In actuality, I rather enjoy it when my partner takes the lead, whether we are dancing or when he pays the bills or makes dinner without consulting with me first. It is wonderful to take breaks from decision making, and to follow my husband with confidence that he will lead me well.

This works because I feel heard and respected by him. It works because we take the time throughout our weeks to know one another’s inner worlds, or “Love Maps” as Drs. Julie and John Gottman call it.

My husband knows that I need a few minutes alone to wind down after work. He knows that I care about my health and nutrition, but that surprising me with Ben & Jerry’s ice cream will make me smile. He knows that when I feel out of sorts, it always helps me feel better to go for a run and to jump in a cold body of water. And he definitely knows how much I love to be spun and swung around on the dance floor.

On the other hand, he is not opposed to me taking the lead, nor does he feel that his masculinity is threatened when I take on a leadership role in our relationship. This works, again, because I lead with his best interests in mind, operating out of the values we have established as a couple and as individuals.

We both make mistakes, and we do not always lead or follow perfectly. However, we are both committed to having a balanced relationship, and we strive to understand, love, and respect one another better and better every day.

We recognize that this commitment to cultivate a healthy relationship takes practice, and what better way to practice than by dancing?

The post Marriage is a Dance appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

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