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leafs-lover · 3 years

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Because Two People Got Drunk: 33

Chapter 33

Series Masterlist

Summary: It’s Fred’s 35th birthday and the start of the season.

Warning: Swearing, drinking, smut

Word Count: 9500

“Mommy when will Daddy be home?” you toddler shrieks running back to you from the front door. The season recently started with a season opener in Philly on Fred’s birthday last night. They are flying back and you are celebrating Fred’s birthday tonight, with a party on Tuesday on their day off. Fred told Oliver he would be back at 11am, and it’s now 11:10 so he is eagerly awaiting his return.

You hear a ding on your phone alerting you to the front gate opening “I think he’s home now” you respond standing up with Liam wrapped in your arm. Oliver squeals and runs down the hall while you pick Noah up, who yawns against you.

“Happy Birthday Daddy!” you hear Oliver scream as soon as the door opens.

As you round the corner you hear his bag hit the hardwood floor while he bends down to catch him “thanks buddy.” Fred rises to his feet and kicks his sneakers to the side walking towards you with Oliver clinging to his neck.

“Hey” he says placing a soft kiss on your lips you faintly taste the coffee on his lips. He adjusts Oliver on his side and grabs Liam from you.

“Daddy there is so many decoarations” Oliver cheers from his hip. Fred pulls away with a smirk and starts down the hall.

“Really lets go see” he says footsteps receeding down the hall. “Woah look at all them” Fred exclaims seeing the streamers and balloons scattered around, gently setting Oliver on the ground.

“I helped” Oliver exclaims grabbing his hand dragging him around the living room to show him everything; his excitement radiating off the walls. “These are my favourite!” he points to two numbered silver balloons “five and three.”

“Right because daddy is how old?” you ask him.

“Thirty-five” he repeats back skipping around the room. You hear Fred grumble something and shake his head, not overly thrilled about the milestone he is reaching. You laugh and sit on the couch waiting for Oliver to finish the tour, although the house isn’t overly decorated, most of them will be put up closer to his party.

“Wow it looks great Ollie” Fred says sitting beside you on the couch, he lays Lucas across his thighs and tickles his stomach eliciting some giggles from him.

“Mommy says we are having a party soon” he says walking over to the couch to play with his Lego.

“Good thing it’s not a surprise party” you say quietly causing Fred to chuckle slightly. He leans over and kisses you on the cheek; you turn your head and place a quick peck on his lips “happy birthday Freddie.” Fred brings his lips back to yours “thanks babe” he mumbles. Noah lets out a small whine and Fred turns his attention to the baby in your arms. He pulls him into his arms bouncing him slightly, your head falling onto his shoulder.

You look down at Noah and Lucas, their bright eyes staring up at you “think there eyes will stay light?” you ask Fred. “Ollie’s were dark from the beginning.”

“Maybe, they will change soon if it does” he responds, wiping some of the drool from Noah’s face. A big yawn falls from your lips, you bring your hand up to cover it but Fred turns to look at you.

“They keep you up last night?” he asks “thought they were sleeping pretty good the last couple weeks.”

“No they slept for 10 hours straight, all of us did. I don’t know why I’m tired” you say through another yawn. “I’ve only been awake for like 5 hours today.”

Fred shifts slightly beside you, and you pull your head away. He pulls Lucas into his other arm and puts Noah resting against his chest, relaxing into the couch.

“Just adjusting to the season, it’s always hard” you explain. Fred turns to look at you giving you a soft smile before turning his gaze to Oliver who is babbling away playing with his Lego. You rest your elbow on the back of the couch and lean your head against it, eyes shifting between your four boys. “It was hard before with one baby, now there are three” you yawn again.

“Go have a nap, can’t fall asleep at my birthday dinner” Fred laughs.

“What if they get hungry, there isn’t any pumped milk” you explain.

“We have formula?” he asks turning towards you and you nod back to him, eyes barely open on his shoulder. Over the last six weeks or so you have been struggling with milk production, which has led to a bit of formula being mixed in to their feedings. “Then we will be fine. Go nap. We’ll have some boy time.”

You laugh lightly and rise to your feet and make your way to your room. You crawl under the duvet and honestly don’t expect yourself to sleep; but after a few minutes your eyes get heavy and fall closed.

“Wow I think I’m wildly underdressed” Fred says walking in to the bathroom. He has on a tight black t-shirt under a long sleeve shirt left unbuttoned with some dark washed jeans. You look at him in the mirror while applying your lip gloss “thought we weren’t going anywhere” he says leaning against the vanity beside you.

“We’re not Kyle is coming here, but I figured it’s your birthday; your 35th birthday so I should dress up” you explain turning to him. His hand comes up and plays with your navy blue fabric. It is a high waisted navy blue strapless jumpsuit, the top is tight fitting but has a layer of fabric than drapes from the top of you breast to your waist.

“I’m not that dressed up” you smile “I mean I’m wearing slippers.” You bring your face closer, your lips hovering centimeters from his; you can smell his cologne and can feel his warm breath against your face.

Fred’s eyes narrow at you, you lean in a bit more “I’m going to go change” he pulls away leaving you to practically fall forward into the emptiness. You groan turning your attention back to the mirror. You try to shake off the encounter, but the damage has been done. Your panties are soaked.

You walk into the dining room and begin the finishing touches on the table, lighting the few candles in the middle. You hear little feet running on the wood floor and bend down to grasp Oliver “oh look at you” you say looking at him. Fred dressed him in some jeans with a white long sleeve shirt with a plaid sweater vest.

“Daddy did my hair like his” he says bringing a hand up to his head.

“I see that, you look very handsome” you see his red hair has been brushed to the side and he even put a little bit of gel in to hold it in place similar to Fred’s. Only difference is where Fred styles the curls out of his, he left Oliver’s falling around his face.

“Mhm” he hums in your arms while you drop him on the floor. You hear some cooing and Fred walks around the corner with the twins. They are each in plain onesies but Lucas’s bib looks like a bowtie and Noah’s makes it look like he is wearing a tie.

“I was going to get them dressed but I figured they would just drool or puke on whatever I put them in, so we opted for stylish bibs instead” he explains and you laugh.

“Well they are still very cute” you smile helping buckle them in to their high chairs. You stand up straight and take in Fred, who substituted his jeans for khaki’s and has on a blue dress shirt. You’re eyes drop to his collarbone where he left the top couple buttons open, exposing the top of his chest. Your mouth waters seeing his chain dangling inches from his muscles that are peeking out.

“I feel like your eyeing me like I’m a piece of meat or something” he says lifting your chin with his thumb. You chuckle lightly, the edges of your lips curling up slightly.

“Oh it smells so good” you moan ignoring his comment. You were going to take Fred out to a restaurant for dinner, but he said he wanted to have a low-key night with the family before the party. While Oliver likely would have been okay in a restaurant you didn’t want to push your luck with the twins so you opted to bring in a chef to cook for you. This way you don’t have to spend hours preparing a meal, that you know wouldn’t taste nearly as good, and the five of you can enjoy time together.

“I don’t smell anything” Fred says rubbing his thumb over your cheek.

“Really?” you say nudging your face against his touch “he was just starting to roast the walnuts for our salad earlier; they smell like they are done.”

“I’ll take your word for it” he says bringing his lips down to yours. His hand cups your cheek and tangles around your hair. He slowly pulls away, his taste lingering on your lips. He steps aside and pulls your chair out, gently pushing you in to the table.

He sits beside you at the top the table, and picks up the napkin. He unravels the fabric, gently running it through his fingers; you become mesmerized watching his fingertips dance along the stitching. You wish it was your skin his fingers were dragging across; you swallow the lump in your throat when his hands dip below the table placing the fabric across his lap.

You are brought from your trance when Kyle walks in setting the salads in front of you “see the walnuts” you point your fork to the bowl.

“Mhm” he says stabbing his fork into the leafy green.

“Oh I forgot to ask about wine” Kyle says popping his head back in the room, holding a bottle of white and red in his hands. He walks closer stopping between you, for you to examine the bottles.

“Umm” you say looking over trying to decide.

“I think I’m fine with just water” Fred says before you can respond.

“Oh…um me too” you respond not wanting to drink alone. Kyle nods and turns around leaving the room “don’t feel like drinking tonight?” you ask bringing your gaze to Fred’s.

“No I’m kind of tired and have a game tomorrow” he explains. “I mean I didn’t have a three hour nap this afternoon” he smirks bringing his water glass to his lips. The two of you dive into casual conversation, while Oliver randomly tells Fred stories from the last two days.

“Ready to sing?” you ask Oliver lighting the last candle on the cake. He jumps down from the barstool and runs into the dining room beginning the song, you laugh and join him.

“Happy birthday dear daddy, happy birthday to you” you set the tray in front of Fred, who pulls Oliver onto his lap. “Want to help blow them out?” he asks and your son immediately blows them out, though it’s not hard given there is only 4 candles.

“This is a nice looking cake, did you make it Ollie?” he asks.

“Yeah daddy! I mixed it, and helped put the icing on and the sprinkles” he muses bringing his finger to the icing and to his mouth. You laugh and sit down beside them, pulling him into your lap.

It’s a small rectangular chocolate cake with chocolate icing; which Oliver claimed is Fred’s favourite but you know it’s actually his. While you have ordered a cake for the party, you and Oliver made one for your dinner tonight. One of your favourite memories from your childhood was making cakes on your parent’s birthdays.

“What about the candles” you ask him.

“It’s buzz lightyear and a firetruck” he exclaims while Fred cuts him a piece.

“You pick them out?” he muses already knowing the answer.

“Yeah!” Oliver says excitedly moving to his seat to eat his piece. He pulls you into his lap your arms wrapped around his neck. He reaches around you bringing a piece of cake from the tray to his lips, his other hand resting gently against your hip.

“Tonight was perfect skat” he murmurs pressing his lips against yours. You can taste the chocolate on his lips and feel his pants tighten under you. You pull away with a devilish grin, placing your hand on his chest and your head on his shoulder. You feel his chest rise and fall while he brings a few bites of cake to your mouth while you look out at your sons.

“Dinner was great babe” Fred says walking into the pantry leaning against the counter.

“Uhh, yeah it was” you say opening scanning over the shelves mindlessly. You just finished cleaning while Fred put Oliver to bed.

“What are you -” he asks.

“Found one” you say reaching behind some boxes to pull out a granola bar that had fallen out. You tear the package open and take a bite turning around “what I’m hungry” you shrug brushing past him.

“So I have one more present for you” you say finishing your bar. “But its upstairs” you gently graze your finger over his hand walking by him. You hear Fred groan while you walk down the hall. You make it to the stairs when you feel Fred’s arms wrap around your waist and he carries you up to your bedroom.

Once at the door Fred gently sets you down pushing the door open. Walking in the room, the lights are off the room being illuminated by flickering candles. Lying on the bed is a white square box with a red bow.

Fred’s lips ghost the skin behind your ear while he walks you forward to the bed “you got me more than enough already” he mumbles.

“Well it’s kind of for both of us” you tease rocking your hips back onto him his warm breath drawing you in. His mouth grazes the skin under your ear gently kissing your soft spot, goosebumps run down your spine.

He walks over to the bed sitting on the edge; you sit beside him while he pulls the box into his lap. He tugs on the bow the fabric falling onto his lap. He pulls the top of the box, throwing it aside to reveal some black tissue paper. He digs through it pulling out three different sets of lingerie, setting them on the bed.

He runs his finger over them and turns his head to you “I couldn’t decide on one” you explain. “Figured since it’s such an important birthday you should pick” your hand falls onto his thigh, inching its way higher.

His eyes scan the fabric lying out on the bed in front of him; he brings his hand to a black set and points “this one.”

“M-kay” you say grabbing it and skipping off to the bathroom. You change into the black teddy with cut-outs on your waist and back. Your stomach covered by a sheer black fabric with intricate floral designs. You adjust yourself in the piece and pull your black satin robe overtop, tie resting loosely on your hip.

You walk into the bedroom, Fred having placed the other options and the box on your dresser. He is sitting on the bed, back against the headboard, legs gently crossed at his ankles. He smiles when he sees you walk in, you crawl onto the bed straddling him.

“I love birthdays” he mumbles pulling you into his hard chest, his hands running down your side to your thighs. You laugh and bring your lips to his, your hands running through his hair. You roll your hips against him, tilting his head back engaging him in a heated kiss.

He yanks on the belt around your waist, your robe opening up to expose your body in the lace. He pulls away his eyes gazing up and down your body. You see his Adams apple pop from his neck, his eyes swimming with desire. “Fuck I love birthdays” he groans tangling his hands into your hair pulling your lips down to his.

After a few minutes Fred pulls away, both of you gasping for air. You bring a thumb to his lips wiping away some of your smeared gloss from him. “I actually got you something” he says reaching down beside the bed.

“That’s not how birthday’s work babe” you tease as a brown paper bag is dropped between both of you.

“It’s for the both of us” he shrugs shifting to sit up straight against the head board. “I didn’t really have time to wrap it though.”

You laugh knowing the only time Fred has a nicely wrapped present is when someone else does it for him. You reach in to the basic bag and feel a rectangular box wrapped in plastic and pull it out. You examine the box in your hand, eyes scanning over the box. A pregnancy test.

“What….uh” you trail off processing what’s in your hand. You run your hand through your hair, scoffing in the process. “What is this? Why did you get me this?”

“Come on babe” he says “it’s pretty obvious.”

“Obvious? What’s obvious” you ask getting slightly agitated. You set the box on his lap and crawl off him crossing your legs. “Are you saying I look pregnant?”

“No. No. Definitely not saying that” he chuckles awkwardly. “Just the way you have been acting” he says.

“Uh-huh” you say shaking your head. “And how have I been acting Fred?”

“Just you have been tired the last few days” he starts.

“Did it ever cross your mind that I’m tired because I have three kids, two of which are only 5 months old” you retort looking a few centimetres beside his face.

“Yes, obviously, but it’s more than that” he says bringing his hand to your thigh. “You are eating more than normal. I mean you had an extra salad after dinner and a granola bar a couple hours after we finished. Last time you were like that was when you were pregnant” he says softly.

“And the time before that was when I was breast feeding Oliver, because breast feeding uses a lot of calories” you say shaking your head. A loud exasperated sigh leaving your lips.

“Babe” he says gripping your hand “I’ve seen you pregnant twice before.”

“Yeah and I have been pregnant twice, I think I would know if I was pregnant again. Wait is this why you didn’t drink at dinner?”

Fred exhales “yeah, if I drank I knew you would, and if you are pregnant”

“I’m NOT pregnant” you cut him off.

“If you are you can’t drink. I figured if I didn’t drink you wouldn’t drink.” Fred shifts to sit closer to you, placing a hand gently on your thigh.

“Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you’re not. But isn’t it better to be safe and take the test” he asks concern carved across his face.

“I’m not taking the test” you cross your arms over your chest. “I’m not taking the test because I’m not pregnant.”

“Did you ever make an appointment for birth control?” he asks pulling you into his chest.

“Yeah” you respond your body stiff against his chest reluctant to lean into his embrace. “It’s next week” you mumble. Fred chuckles slightly, you feel him chuckle slightly against you. “But I’m breast feeding; you can’t get pregnant breast feeding.”

“Babe, have you actually looked into that?” he asks softly.

You turn your head to look up at him “what do you mean? The doctor told me I’m good for six months.”

“Okay well I looked into it, and that is true under some circumstances” he trails off. But there’s a lot of reasons it stops being effective.” He pulls his phone out and unlocks it showing you a website.

“Right here” he says handing it to you. You’re eyes scan over the screen.

“See the second point” he asks

You must fully breastfeed your infant, meaning that the baby receives only breast milk. Also, breastfeeding must be maintained with both day and night feeding, and no long intervals can occur between feedings.

“We give them formula sometimes” he says. Yours hands drop from your chest and you place your hand behind you putting your weight on it.

“Not a lot though, it’s mostly milk” you respond ignoring the advice of medical experts.

“Okay, and what about the last one’ he says brushing your hair behind your shoulder.

You must not have a period.

You sit in silence reading over the last sentence, having had one a few weeks ago. Fred kisses the satin fabric on your shoulder, he reaches out and grabs the test “you should take it babe” he mumbles against you.

You push his body away from yours “I’m not taking the test because I’m not pregnant.”

“Why are you impossible” he groans throwing his head back. Your frustration in the situation results in tears pricking the corners of your eyes. You sniffle silently as a few warm tears falls slowly roll down your cheeks and your throat tightens.

“(Y/N)” Fred whispers moving beside you. He brings his hand up to your face wiping away your tears with the back of his finger.

“No” you shake his hand away from you sniffling back your tears and rise from the bed. You walk into the closet; you hear Fred’s heavy steps behind you stopping against the door frame. You pull your satin robe from your body and hang it back in the closet. Next is the black set which drops in a pile at your feet. You step out of it and walk through the closet toward Fred, he tries to compose himself but you see his eyes rake over your body while he follows your body through the room.

You brush by Fred, his hand reaching out to grasp your wrist stopping you in your tracks. You crash into his hard chest; he wraps his arms around your shoulders holding you close. Instead of melting into his embrace your arms hang stiff at your sides.

“Come on babe” he groans.

“Fred I’m really not in the mood right now” you push off him walking over to your dresser and pulling out some pajama’s. After everything that has transpired you aren’t exactly feeling sexy or in the mood anymore.

“Babe I obviously meant the test” he sighs. “It’s not hard, the next time you go to the bathroom you aim your pee onto the stick” he jokes trying to lighten your mood but you shake your head in response; pulling your tank top over your head.

“I’m not pregnant Fred” you chew walking over to the bed and crawling under the sheets. You roll onto your side, your back facing Fred’s side of the bed. You feel the bed dip and he crawls up behind you still leaving some space.

“Babe why is this so hard” he asks brushing your hair behind your ear.

“Why don’t you trust me?” you whine.

“Babe this isn’t about trust, I obviously trust you” he wraps his arms around you kissing your neck lightly. “It’s just you are showing early signs of being pregnant. All I’m saying is that it’s possible” he pulls you up against his chest wrapping his arm around you.

“No it’s not because I’m breast feeding” you groan “it works as birth control.”

“Yes but we haven’t been 100% with our birth control. Last time we weren’t 100% you got pregnant with Oliver” he chuckles his warm breath on neck.

“Fred stop I’m not pregnant” you huff. You push his hand off you and shift away from him. You put your arm under your pillow, and adjust yourself.

“I’m sorry I upset you, I probably should have brought it up better” he says but your body remains frozen in place. “I just…I didn’t expect it go like this” he whispers. You don’t react but you swear you feel him reach out to touch you before deciding against his judgement. Finally you hear Fred sigh and adjust on his side of the bed; the two of you lie in silence. You’re too frustrated to sleep and Fred to upset and annoyed by your stubbornness.

You feel the bed shift a few times, Fred letting out a few exaggerated sighs; you refuse to move the entire time. He knows you are awake, and you know he wants to talk but he doesn’t know what to say. Your eyes are locked on the clock on the other side of the room, watching while the minutes drag on.

Over two hours go by before you finally hear Fred snoring beside you. You roll onto your back staring into the darkness at your ceiling, finally free from his waiting gaze.

***

You walk downstairs hearing the light chatter from some of the guests who have started to arrive. Walking past the stairs to the basement you hear the shrieking laughter of children and some banging of hockey sticks. You laugh knowing you likely won’t see your son much until you drag him away.

Walking into the living room, Fred is over in the corner talking with a couple of the guys, Kathy and Carlee are at the island pouring drinks. You walk by the guys and Fred’s eyes pop from his face and he almost chokes on his drink. You wait until you pass him to before letting a smirk cross your face knowing your outfit did its job.

You opted to keep it relatively casual with a white button up shirt, the top few buttons purposely left unbuttoned and it’s tucked into your high waisted 3 button denim pants. Your hair and make-up are kept pretty simple and natural with minimal products and nude lips; a grey wool fedora resting gently on your head.

“How do you never look like you’ve had kids?” Carlee scoffs.

You laugh lightly “it’s amazing what the right shirt can do.”

“Nonsense” Fred says placing a quick kiss on your cheek. You shift slightly into his touch “you’re beautiful.” You shake your head slightly and wrap an arm around him. It’s been 5 days since you’re argument, and during those 5 days you and he haven’t had much contact.

You took the boys to the home game which went a lot better than you thought. Oliver took off and spent the entire game with some of the kids his age and the twins while awake were relatively unfussy. While you have put on a front when in the presence of other people; at home has been a different story.

You talk to him about his day and the kids, but otherwise if you try to and talk to Fred he will immediately cut you off asking if you took the test. When you say no, he stops engaging in the conversation. You don’t see the need for the test and Fred believes the later, thus leaving the two of you in a stale mate.

It’s not that you have been enjoying the silence from him, every time you see him laugh with Oliver or smile at the twins it tears on your heart strings. You want nothing more than to see his upper lip curl while he brushes your hair out of your face. For him to crawl in bed after a game and wrap you in his arms, lips ghosting along the skin of your neck. To feel the heat from his 6’4” body on top of yours, your hands running down his back slick with sweat.

Instead he hugged you once after the home opener and here now. All in front of people, all to hide from everyone the current situation you are in. And it’s not that you are in a fight, neither of you are mad at each other. Fred is irritated by your stubbornness and thinks the only way to get through is to do this. But through your stubbornness you aren’t afraid to wait him out.

You are pretty sure if it wasn’t for the beer on his breath he wouldn’t be the first to initiate what appears to be an apology, but you’ll take it. You feel Fred’s hand resting on the small of your back ever so gently. But even as soft his touch is it has you dripping from your core and toes tingling. You release a soft sigh from your throat; it gets caught in your throat breathing in Fred’s cologne. While subtle Fred picks up on your que and shifts slightly closer to you.

“So does 35 feel different?” Carlee asks handing you a drink.

Fred laughs a little bit “You know I didn’t think so until I compare my life to five years ago; when I was 30 I was single with no kids.”

“No grey hairs or permanent bags under your eyes” you joke, Fred nudges you rolling his eyes.

“Anyways when I think of my life from five years ago then it kind of hits me.”

“Well 35 looks good on you” you say. You stand on your tippy toes and Fred gently presses his lips to yours.

Your hand reaches the top of your head tilting the hat slightly to allow him more room. While most of your interactions have been for the benefit of other people, this isn’t. The way he is gently holding you but keeping you safe against his chest, the way his mouth brushes against your lips makes you think maybe you are both ready to put this to rest.

You pull away and he smiles reaches his eyes. You bring your hand to his lips and wipe away the lipstick that has spread onto his. He chuckles and leans in to place another kiss on your lips when there is a loud commotion from a lot of the guys. You hear some loud teasing and laughter and both your heads turn towards the noise when you see Auston and Mitch in playful chirping with some of the Penguins.

“Freddie” Auston calls out walking over to you both, after hugging him he wraps his arms around you.

“You guys made it” you say smiling up at him.

“Yeah, they let us come down early” Auston says, the team is supposed to fly down tomorrow to play Philly.

“How are you doing momma” Mitch asks lifting you off the ground for a big bear hug.

“I’m good” you respond laughing softly.

“Where are the boys?” Auston asks.

“Some of the girls have the twins” Fred says “they are being passed around, probably won’t see much of them.”

“And the little man?” Auston asks twisting the cap off a beer.

“You didn’t hear him in the basement” you chuckle walking away. You make your way through the crowd brushing off some conversations before heading downstairs. You watch as Oliver is in net, two of the younger players shooting against him, you watch Oliver stick his leg out deflecting a shot.

“Woah look at you, almost as good as your dad” you say drawing all the eyes to you.

“There’s a surprise upstairs for you Ollie” you say and his eyes light up. His ministicks clatters on the floor and he runs past you “what is it?” he shouts running up the stairs. You hear his feet tread up the stairs and you follow him, before you reach the top step you hear him scream out “Uncle Auston, Uncle Mitch!”

As you round the corner you see your son holding on to Mitch’s neck, both of them leaning over the snack table. You groan knowing Mitch is only handing him the sugar treats but before you respond a hand grips your wrist pulling you into the pantry.

“Fred” you groan smelling his cologne “he’s just going to give him candy. The last thing our three year needs is a belly full of candy.”

“It’s a party smuk” he tilts your chin to draw your eyes to his “let him have his fun.” You shake your head letting out a displeased groan as Fred sets a cup on the counter and puts his hands on your hips.

“Thank you for all this” he smiles “getting Auston and Mitch here.”

“Yeah I’m glad they could come and” you are cut off when his lips reach yours placing a soft kiss on you. You tilt your head back to allow him more entrance but he pulls away chuckling. “Babe the door is open and there is like 30 people out there” he laughs.

“I know, I just….you haven’t kissed me like this in days” you whine a pout forming.

“Who’s fault is that huh” he says teasingly his lips a centimeter from yours. You shake your head, not willing to take the fault for this, even if you know it was an overreaction.

He picks his drink up and bringing it to his lips taking a sip “this is good babe what’s in it?” he asks.

“What?” you ask “you poured it” you chuckle turning you attention back to the party.

“No elske I grabbed your drink when you went downstairs” he hums in your ear. “Carlee makes a good mojito. I like that she added some raspberries in with the lime. There is something different about it”

“Oh yeah” you respond absentmindedly shaking your head as Auston hands Oliver a cupcake.

“It’s missing something” he whispers pressing his wet lips on your jaw. He gently places a few more kisses on your neck before finding your sweet spot. You giggle feeling his mustache hair tickle your ear as he pulls his lips millimeters from it.

“It’s missing rum babe” he whispers and your head snaps to the side almost hitting his face “why is your drink missing rum skat?”

You swallow and pull your face back to look in his eyes “I…I’m not…I don’t…” you stammer out. He smirks at you teasing his lips in front of his face, he quirks an eyebrow waiting for a response. He steps back leaning against the counter on the other side, arms crossed with a smirk.

“I didn’t take the test” you almost whisper your eyes dropping to the ground. You lean against the counter across from him while he waits for you continue. “But I thought maybe I should” you pause bringing your eyes up to his. At this point he is smiling ear to ear knowing he was right “and Carlee saw the test when she was looking for my hair spray.” You say laughing “so she is making me virgin drinks tonight until I take the test. She said she isn’t leaving until I take it, and she kind of scares me when she gets mad.”

“So you’re taking the test for Carlee” he laughs walking towards you wrapping his arms around you. You melt into his touch moaning as you breathe in his cologne.

“I’m going to do it tonight” you mumble into his chest. His mouth presses into your hair and a deep exhale leaves his chest. “I still don’t think I need it though. You two are just being ridiculous.”

He gently strokes his hand up your back, pulling some of the tension from you. He ignores your comment because he doesn’t care how he got you to this point he is just happy you are going to do it after almost a week. You stand wrapped in his embrace when you hear a loud bang from the kitchen which causes you to jump and separate.

You enter the party and see Mitch picking up a barstool from the ground Auston cleaning up a spill. Oliver comes running past you to Fred who throws him in the air before pulling him into his chest while laughter erupts from him.

“Daddy we do cake now?” he asks.

“You haven’t had enough cupcakes already” he teases wiping the icing off his chin.

“No” he replies.

“You sure?” he asks tickling his side. His laughter erupts filling the room, drowning out some of the scattered conversations and music that is playing. You walk away towards the crowded island wedging yourself between Auston and Mitch.

“You think this would happen?” Mitch asks. “Like three years ago when you were pregnant with Oliver and we all had dinner. Did you even imagine this is where your life would end up?”

“No not at all” you laugh remembering that time in your life. “At that dinner I had no idea what I was going doing with my life, it was terrifying.”

“Well I’m glad it all worked out” Auston says wrapping his arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him for a soft side hug. Your arm wraps around his waist and you both watch Fred as he holds Oliver upside down by his feet while he squeals under him.

“Yeah me too” you say softly the edges of your lips curl upwards watching Fred and Oliver.

Three years ago, you had no idea what to expect with your life. You never imagined a life with Fred or friendships with Mitch and Auston. You honestly didn’t think Auston liked you in the beginning, he always seemed skeptical of you. Not that you can really blame him, you gave everyone more than enough reasons to doubt you.

But once Auston opened up to you, you understood why he is one of Fred’s best friends. While you don’t get to see him a lot during the season between their schedules; you always see spend time during the off season with him. That and the constant facetimes are part of the reason he is one of Oliver’s favourite people.

A few hours later everyone has left, the kids are all asleep and Carlee is downstairs trying to sleep off the liquor so she isn’t hungover on her flight tomorrow. You feel Fred come up behind you his hands wrapping around you resting on the counter on either side of you.

“Come to bed” he whispers as you pour some of the cups down the sink. He gently brushes your hair behind your shoulders and uses it to gently kiss your neck.

“The mess babe” you groan seeing scattered half empty cups and plates with food left around the room. “The cleaning lady comes tomorrow, and I gave her a very generous tip 2 weeks ago in preparation for this.”

He hooks his fingers into your belt loop and tries to pull you away from the sink but you push back rinsing out the cups. “Babe” he whines sucking on the back of your neck. You rock your hips back to his groin, when he reaches around you to turn the tap off; you feel his lips smirk against your skin.

You spin around and Fred quickly pushes you against the counter, pulling the collar of your shirt back to expose your neck. Your knuckles grip the counter while he sucks on your collarbone, “Fred” you groan “Carlee could come up” you say between your moans.

“Uh-huh” he hums against your skin, his mustaches tickles your ear as his mouth moves further up your neck unbothered by a possible intrusion.

His mouth is centimetres from your ear when you feel his teeth graze your skin before he bites your neck. “Frederik” you scold playfully pushing him away.

His eyes are dark as he bends down wrapping an arm around your knees and throws you over his shoulder. Your hat falls onto the floor and you shriek as he runs up the stairs two at a time. He kicks the bedroom door shut with the back of his heel and in a few large strides he is at the edge of the bed throwing you onto it.

You rest on your elbows and watch as he pulls his sweater. He undoes his belt and slowly pulls his pants down his body. You’re a bundle of nerves wrecked with anticipation feeling wetness drip from your core. He stands up with just his boxers on; your eyes walk over his body breathing in the curves of his muscles.

The past few days you have only caught glimpses of Fred getting out of the shower or changing a shirt, but it has been too long since you’ve laid eyes on him. Your gaze slowly drops until you see his bulge, straining the fabric of his boxers and your chest noticeably heaves.

Fred grins and reaches out to your ankle pulling you to the edge of the bed. He begins to undo the three large buttons on your pants while you slowly release those on your shirt. You lift your hips and he pulls the denim from your legs while you throw your shirt into a pile on the side.

You hear him mumble some Danish curse words as his eyes wander your body. You have on a matching white lace panty and bra set with floral embroidery. Resting on your waist is a matching delicate garter connected to some sheer white thigh high stockings. “You didn’t get to see me in any of the gifts I bought” you explain rising to rest on your knees.

He pulls your face up pressing a sloppy kiss to your lips while you both fight for dominance. His hands slide down your back, tracing the outline of your thong his fingers gentle run circles around your hole.

You feel his already hard dick twitch on your stomach while he swallows. “You’re gonna kill me one day you know that babe” he groans You press your lips to his, fingers dancing with the hem of his boxers for a brief second before pulling them down his large thighs. His hard member flaps against his stomach, the sound echoing in the room.

You see the precum that has spilt out and lick your lips. Hearing Fred’s breathing become uneasy you bring your tongue to the tip moaning at his flavour. You pull away and lick along the underside Fred’s head falling backwards, eyes fluttering shut.

You hollow your mouth and flatten your tongue, sliding him in. You start slow, each time taking a bit more of him in your mouth until finally your nose touches his pelvis. You thrust your mouth slowly looking up at him through your lashes. His hands gently grip your hair, pulling the few strands from your mouth and away from your face.

You slowly increase your pace gagging slightly while you breathe through your nose. You bring your hands around to his ass and give him a squeeze pulling him onto you. He begins to thrust his hips while your jaw relaxes around him.

He increases his pace when you playfully pinch his ass. He holds your head steady while he takes complete control fucking your face. Curse words fall from his lips, while drool falls from yours. Your tongue swirls around him, and his hips stutter.

You gently begin to massage his balls and it sends him over the edge. He pulls your head onto him when his dick twitches shooting ribbon after ribbon into your throat. Finally he stops and you pull off choking on some of the cum in your mouth, a little dribbling out.

“Sorry” he mumbles walking to the bedside table to grab his water bottle for you. You take a sip and Fred reaches down to grab his boxers and gently wipe the saliva and cum that has spilt down your chin. He takes the bottle from you and sets it back on the night stand before he lies on the bed, head resting on his pillow. He curls his index finger and beckons you towards him.

You rise to your feet and stop beside him “on or off?”

“Underwear off, everything else stays” he says and you smirk. You had an idea this would be his preference so you wore your thong over the garter to allow for easy removal. You step out of them and kick them aside climbing on top of him.

You grind your hips against him and Fred groans recognizing how wet you already are. You lace your hands with his using it as leverage to continue rolling your hips on him. You feel him start to get hard again causing you to smirk when Fred releases your hands. He grips your hips and nudges you closer and you follow until you are hovering above his lips.

His warm breath blows onto your folds, his beard rubbing against your thighs. His hands grip your hips as he pulls you closer licking up your juices that have been building. He moans feeling your wetness tongue grazing arounds your folds, your anticipation having built for the last week.

You gasp loudly when his mouth attaches to your clit, your hand finding the headboard for stability. His tongue swirls around your entrance when he finally pulls you closer slipping inside your walls. Your other hand slides down into his hair tangling into his locks.

His tongue dances inside your walls, sliding in until his nose brushes against your clit. He gently rolls your hips on his face while soft moans slip from your mouth. He finds your sweet spot and gently brushes it with each stroke. He could easily be sending you over the edge but instead is taking his time, relishing in your taste.

His one hand gently begins to caress the back of your thigh while soft whispered curse words are falling from your lips. His hand slowly trails up your ass tracing the hem of the white lace. His pinky strokes around your hole and you shutter above him. You feel Fred smirk below you, as he does this a few more times.

“Freddie” you moan softly feeling your orgasm start to build. As if right on cue he brings his hand down and slips two fingers into your slick heat. Your head falls back when he begins to suck on your clit and thrust his digits deep inside you.

He sucks hard on your clit, grazing it along his teeth. You tremble at the feeling, hips pulling away at the contact. “Stay still” he mumbles, his other hand digging in to the skin of your hips. Your moans turn into whimpers slowly getting louder as he pumps his fingers inside you.

You can feel your walls tightening, and Fred does too twisting his fingers inside you. Your whole body is hot and you can feel a bead of sweat trail down the valley of your breasts. Fred continues pumping his fingers in you and your legs begin to tremble above him.

You are seeing stars; Fred continues his movements to drag your orgasm out, getting lost in your moans. Your walls flutter around him and you spill over his digits while his mouth continues to suck, drawing out your orgasm. Your hands fall onto the bed in front of you, barely able to support yourself as Fred stills under you.

His fingers slip out and find your hips and he gently lifts you just high enough for him to slide out. You feel the bed shift as he crawls up beside you kissing your shoulder. You crane your head and he smiles taking in your wrecked appearance; mascara on your cheeks, sweat mixed in your roots while some saliva and spilt cum has made some of your ends stick together.

You smile taking him in, juices in his beard, a scratch mark on his forehead from you grasping too hard. But your favourite thing besides his boyish smile is that his eyes aren’t blown with lust, they are soft and adoring while he examines the woman he loves.

He watches your chest rise and fall waiting for it to return to normal when he brings his lips to yours. He slowly pulls you onto his lap while you rest on your knees. He pulls you up, so his mouth is in line with your chest. He gently presses his mouth to your chest slowly sucking his way up your neck.

Your head falling to his shoulder as a silent cry expels from your lips “Got you smuk” he mumbles against your collarbone while he slowly pulls you down to his lap.

You feel his hard member poke at your entrance your hands returning to his hair. He slowly coats himself in your juices before slipping inside your sensitive core. You drop down on him a few times, each time he groans when you bottom out.

His hands grip your ass cheeks using them to guide you. Your pace starts slow and just as you are about to increase it, you feel Fred’s finger dance around your hole. You shudder at the feeling, your head falls onto his shoulder when you bite your lower lip.

He slowly slides in two fingers, still soaked from your juices while your body heats up. You continue your slow pace, your teeth digging into Fred’s shoulder. You hear him mumble but you can’t hear over the ringing in your body. Eventually his patience wears thin, his hips snapping as he thrusts into you.

His fingers slowly move around inside you, while his dick quickly pistons in and out. You bring your head up only to place a quick sloppy kiss on his lips. You taste yourself on him, and lean in further swallowing Fred’s groans in your lips. When you finally pull away you both are breathless and gasping for air.

You aren’t going to last much longer. Fred works his fingers at a slower pace than his cock, but the two combined has you a writhing mess. His mouth finds your collarbone as he sucks bringing your release even closer. Strangled moans and curse words fill the room.

“I’m close” you hum against his collarbone.

“Let go baby” he whispers into your hair. “I’m right behind you.”

A few more hard deep thrusts and you come undone around him. Your walls flutter around him, spilling down his hard member and your thighs. You moan loudly while he continues to thrust into you working you through your high. You feel Fred stutter under you giving you a few more thrusts before pulling you down to spill deep inside you.

He coats your walls white muttering Danish in your ear but you are so spent you can’t focus on anything until he finally stills. His hand gently strokes your hair from your face; you see the beads of sweat on his forehead and down his chest.

“I love you” he mumbles gently pressing his lips to your forehead taking in your post orgasm bliss. You smile back in response feeling his lips gently brush against yours.

“I’ve missed you” you murmur breathing still erratic. While you have seen him every day, had silent dinners together and slept a foot from him, you almost have missed him more than when he is on road trips. He chuckles and brings his lips back down to yours cautiously pulling his fingers from your hole.

You wince at the feeling, but Fred quickly grips the back of your thighs carrying you to the bathroom. He takes you directly into the shower setting you on the bench. Shivers run up your spine from the cool tile while he turns on the water. You stand up and walk right into his hard chest, bottom lip shivering from the cool air.

Fred just laughs and pushes you backwards until you are under the warm stream. He runs his hands up and down your arms, his touch along with the water warms you up and you begin to massage some shampoo in your hair. Fred finishes his shower first and helps to rinse the conditioner from your hair. You melt into his touch, letting him gently scratch your scalp.

Once you are both done you stand wrapped in each other’s embrace. You feel his chest release a deep exhale and you turn your head to look at his. The two of you stand there for a few minutes neither of you moving, water rolling down your bodies

You feel the weight in the room shift from playful to serious, your breathing echoing through the shower. “You ready?” you whisper.

“No” he laughs.

“What do you mean no! I thought you wanted this” you reply stunned.

“Babe I’m terrified” he chuckles nervously.

“About having four babies?” you whisper.

“No we can handle four” he responds finger trailing over your spine. “We we’re worried about how stressful three babies would be and we’re killing it so I have no doubts we can handle 4. I’m terrified because last time you were pregnant it was hell for you, you almost died.”

“Because of a car accident” you trail off.

“But before that you were in so much pain, like every part of you. You had extremely high blood pressure; your feet, legs, back and hips were constantly in pain. I felt like I could hurt you just by looking at you. It killed me” he chokes out.

You sigh but don’t say anything knowing how much he struggled watching you, how helpless he felt. Nothing he did was good enough. He felt responsible, even though you both decided to have a baby. It was something you both wanted, it was just harder than you could have imagined.

“We don’t know it will be like that again” you say so quiet it’s almost inaudible. The air around you is cold and filled with tension. You tremble your damp hear sending a chill to your spine.

“We don’t know it won’t“ he says stepping away to grab your towel wrapping it around you.

“Well it’s a good thing the test will be negative, won’t have anything to worry about” you say softly.

“I always worry” he almost whispers before walking away, leaving you alone with your towel draped over your shoulders. Instead of drying yourself you stand still, legs quivering underneath you.

He returns wearing some track pants, running his hands through his wet hair. He laughs seeing you in the same spot he left you in, too chilled to move. He helps you into some pants and pulls one of his t-shirts over his head. It’s one of your favourite t-shirt, having borrowed it from after you gave birth to Oliver.

He had left some laundry in the dryer and gone to hockey. When you went to dry your clothes you found his and started to fold it, when you stumbled across the blue jays t-shirt. You were new to the city, struggling to adjust to life in Pittsburgh and life as a mom and the shirt reminded you of home.

When Fred came home and saw his shirt smothering your tiny frame, one side tucked into your leggings he didn’t say anything just smiling. You washed it and put it back on his bed, later that night you found it tucked in your drawer. Ever since then his shirt became your shirt forever waiting in your drawer.

After taking the test you set it on the counter and wash your hands. Fred sets a timer while you both stand arms wrapped around each other in silence; you can feel his heart beating in his chest. “These five minutes are always the longest” you say softly.

“Feels different than last time with the twins” he says and you laugh.

”Yeah but it reminds me of when I took the test with Oliver” you say tilting your head to look at him. “I was wrecked with nerves. I puked waiting for the results” you laugh.

“What did you do when it was positive?” he asks.

“I took five more” you laugh. “And then I curled up in bed and cried, probably for an hour straight.”

Fred brings his eyes over to yours, scanning over your face. All the things you and him have shared you never told him this. “I still didn’t believe it until my doctor actually told me. Then I set out trying to find you, not remembering many details besides the whiskey and four orgasms.” Fred sighs against you, but his silence says more than any words.

“Fred” you say softly “I love you.”

“I love you too smuk, more than you’ll ever know” you rise on your tippy toes closing the distance. Not the full distance he is 6’4” after all. He tilts his head to bring his lips down to yours, his mustache brushing against your upper lip. Your hands run through his beard tangling in his hair, his hand pressing on the small of your back.

Suddenly the alarm goes off startling you. You swallow and set your feet back on the floor. The two of you take one final minute before walking back over to the vanity, flipping the test over.

Next Chapter

#frederik andersen #frederik andersen x reader #frederik andersen fic #frederik andersen smut #Freddie Andersen #freddie andersen smut #freddie andersen x reader #freddie andersen fic #fred andersen #fred andersen smut #fred andersen x reader #Fred Andersen Fic #nhl fic #nhl smut #because two people got drunk #my writing

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rainandhotchocolate · 4 years

Text

Blackout - Part 8

A/N ha I’m not even going to try and say something about consistent posting. I am tired but I am sorry :( pls forgive, I hope this chapter makes up for the time it took to write xx enjoy

Part 8

Sirius’s head pounded painfully as he turned over on the couch, nearly falling off. The other three boys were lying in different states of disarray across the room. James was lying on his stomach, hair splayed around his head like a halo. Remus was curled into a ball around a couch pillow and Peter had fallen across the armchair, head lolling to one side.

Sirius groaned as he sat upright, a wave of nausea hitting him painfully. He took three steadying breaths and tried again, pushing himself up with his forearms and stumbled into the kitchen, beginning to rummage through his pantry for a bottle of anti-nausea potion he’d been saving for just this moment. His balance swayed and he felt himself sliding sideways as he quickly grabbed the bottle and the edge of the cabinet swung back into the side of his head.

“FUCK,” He swore loudly, leaning against the countertop and closing his eyes as the pounding in his head became worse. Sucking in a breath he took a swig from the potion. It took affect almost immediately, his entire body relaxing.

“What the fuck is going on?” Remus’s sleepy, angry voice came from the living room.

“Nothing.” Sirius brought the potion back into the living room and handed it to Remus who drank deeply and placed it beside James’s head. He snored loudly and nearly hit the bottle over.

“How are you feeling?” Remus sat up, leaning against the fireplace.

“Oh, real peachy,” Sirius snorted, sitting back down on the couch. “It’s all a bit of a blur.”

“Mmm,” Remus hummed, looking down at his dirty fingernails.

“What?” Sirius narrowed his eyes.

“You really don’t remember anything?”

“No… why, what did I do?”

Remus grimaced, running a hand through his hair.

“You made some calls.”

“Oh please, be more vague.”

Remus rolled his eyes and took in a deep breath.

“You made some calls to Lily… and Y/N.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Do I want to know what I said?”

“Something along the lines of professing your undying love for Y/N whilst your face was in her fireplace.”

Sirius closed his eyes and placed a hand over his forehead.

“Fuck.”

There was a loud banging on Lily’s front door and she grumbled loudly as she stumbled down the stairs and opened the door.

‘What?” Lily huffed, raising an eyebrow at the four rugged boys looking staring at her from the front steps.

“Is Y/N here?” James asked, rubbing his eyes as if he couldn’t see her properly. Which was likely due to the lack of glasses.

“No, you realise it’s 11am on a Tuesday, right?”

“Ahh, work.” Remus nodded sagely. He leaned slowly against the doorframe.

“Would you like to come in?”

There was a chorus of “Yes please.”

The boys traipsed inside, heading straight for the kitchen where James began pulling out the eggs and bacon and passing them to Sirius who pulled out the pots and pans. Peter slumped on the table.

“Sleep well?” Remus gave Lily a kiss on the cheek and a very sleepy smile.

“I did, I’ve been sleeping in so much lately you guys actually woke me up.”

“Merlin, I expected to be interrupting your day off, sorry we woke you.”

“I really should be up and about anyway,” Lily waved him off and joined the boys in the kitchen. “So do any of you want to explain last night?”

She smiled around the kitchen as the boys avoided her gaze.

“No? So you all just let Sirius get so destroyed he decided to call me?”

“In all fairness it was Y/N he was trying to reach.”

“Not helping Peter,” Sirius groaned. “I wanted to come over and apologise. I feel awful.”

“I’d say that’s the hangover,” James snorted, narrowly avoiding a slap on the back from Sirius.

“They were welcoming me back into town.” Remus chimed in, “Though I mean, classic Sirius to make it all about him.”

Remus winked and Sirius groaned louder.

“I actually hate all of you.”

“Breakfast is served!”

James placed two plates of eggs, bacon, spinach and tomatoes on the table and began handing out plates for the rest of them to start eating. Once they had finished, Lily squeezed Sirius’s arm and nodded towards the living room where he followed her.

“Are you ok?”

“I really don’t need the first degree right now, Lily.” Sirius rolled his eyes and lay on the couch.

“I’m honestly asking.” Lily gave him a look that always made Sirius uncomfortable. It was the one she gave him when he was burning his parent’s letters in the Gryffindor fireplace.

Sirius huffed and stared up at the ceiling. It was a pale blue colour. Sirius wondered for a moment why they had bothered painting it.

“I know you might not want to talk about it, but you don’t need to apologise to her.”

“I don’t?” Sirius still stared up at the ceiling but felt himself zoning back into Lily’s voice.

“She’s not a complete idiot, it’s not like she didn’t know you were still in love with her.”

“Definitely helping, Lils.”

“I mean that she wasn’t more freaked out by it. But you do need to bloody talk to her.”

“What do you thi-!” Sirius sat up to face her, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re not talking to her, you’re trying to bring back your old version of Y/N. You need to just talk to her, like a friend.”

Sirius looked at her momentarily. Like a friend. As if they were ever friends.

“She just needs people to trust right now, ok?”

“Ok.”

Y/N arrived home around 7, finding James and Sirius lying on the floor of the living room and listening to a new muggle record, and Lily reading in the next room eating a large bowl of cereal.

“Welcome back,” Lily smiled up at her, placing a bookmark into the book and putting it on the table. “How was work?”

“Ok, I think. It’s weird getting my head around things I sort of know but sort of don’t. And I’m not really sure what they expect from me.”

“I’m sure they expect that you don’t know everything right after being in hospital,” Lily laughed, “Cereal?”

“Sure.” Y/N raised an eyebrow but joined her at the dining table all the same. “What are the boys listening to?”

“New joy division album, I picked it up this afternoon. Not too bad.”

Y/N just nodded her head, leaning back into the chair and watching through the doorway. Lily handed her a bowl of cereal and a spoon, returning to her book. The boys were humming along now, clearly having already listened to the record at least once over. Sirius’s face was soft and calm, hair surrounding his head in a halo of black curls. Y/N could see the glint of a gold earring in his right ear and felt up to where she had her own rounded gold earrings on.

“I think I’m going to head up to bed.” Y/N lifted up the bowl of cereal and turned to Lily.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Y/N took her bag and bowl upstairs and closed the door so she couldn’t hear the music anymore, just the soft wind blowing from outside the window in the guest room. She lay back on the bed, digging into the bowl of Rice Krispies Lily had given her and munching down as she stared at the wall in front of her. Lily had decorated their guest room with wallpaper that moved around as she watched it, the stars slowly moving around the room and circling the large full moon on the roof.

Y/N found herself drifting in and out of sleep, consistently waking up with a jolt and sitting up in the now pitch black room. Around what she thought must be 2 or 3am she decided to finally get up and stretch her legs. The house was quiet, calming. Y/N made her way down the stairs and into the living room where the large back doors looked out into the yard and the clear night sky. She pulled open the back door and sucked in a breath of fresh air, stepping out into the garden.

“Hello?” A voice called from around the side of the house and Y/N jumped, creeping forward to look around to the garden chairs James had set out over the summer. Sirius was leaning forward, similarly caught off guard by Y/N’s appearance.

“Oh, sorry I didn’t realise… I can go.” Y/N smiled awkwardly at him but he shook his head.

“No, it’s ok. I mean if you don’t mind me being here.”

“No, of course not.”

A silence fell over them. Sirius moved over to give some room for Y/N to sit and she joined him, leaning back and looking up at the stars. They said nothing to each other for a few moments, just the noise of the cool breeze and Sirius’s breathing breaking the silence.

Y/N could feel Sirius glancing at him every few moments and so she turned to him.

“Yes?”

“Sorry,” Sirius laughed, “I wasn’t sure whether or not I should offer you a cigarette.”

“Oh.” Y/N didn’t expect that. “Do I smoke?”

“No, I mean you smoked other things, but not cigarettes.” Sirius laughed, “But you sometimes liked one when you were stressed.”

“Right.” Y/N tried to remember the taste or smell, but all she could remember was watching Peter try one day at Hogwarts and coughing so much he began to gag.

“I’ll take that as a no, do you mind if I have one?”

“Go for it.” Y/N nodded her head towards him and he pulled out a packet and a lighter. He lit it and sucked in a breath, breathing out a spool of smoke into the air.

“How are you feeling after last night?” Y/N asked after a moment.

“Oh please, not you too.” Sirius placed his head in his hands, but Y/N laughed.

“I was very flattered, I promise.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Ok maybe a little embarrassed.”

“That’s more likely,” Sirius sat up and looked at her. Y/N was smiling at him. He felt his heart jump.

“Do you feel ok though? I am surprised you’re not more ill.”

“Peter has a knack for potions, he was feeding us anti-nausea all day.”

“Ahh, of course.” Y/N remembered Peter was found brewing a Polyjuice potion in his fourth year. A great potioneer, but not so great at hiding.

“So how was your first few days at work?” Sirius took another breath in from his cigarette, looking back towards the garden.

“Eh, ok. I don’t know, it all feels a bit weird, you know?” Y/N wasn’t sure he understood but he nodded sagely all the same.

“I think you just need to get back into the routine of it. You’ll figure out where you stand soon.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Sirius grinned, “I basically have a map to your future.”

“Oh really?” Y/N raised an eyebrow and felt herself relaxing into the chair, lifting a leg up and under herself.

“I can’t tell my secrets.” Sirius shook his head and pretended to lock his lips.

“You’re useless,” Y/N snorted, rolling her eyes at him.

They sat there talking for the next little while until Y/N began leaning more heavily against the chair and Sirius could see her eyes fluttering shut every few seconds.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Sirius put out his second cigarette and hooked an arm under her waist to lift her off the chair.

“Ok,” She mumbled, her head lolling slightly as she stumbled beside him, leaning into his arm, head against his chest. He brought her up to the guest room and into her bed, pulling the covers over her shoulders. She grabbed his arm as he turned to leave.

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“Ok Y/N,” Sirius chuckled softly, “Good night.”

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maljic · 4 years

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i have been working in the grocery industry practically my entire life. for many companies, and in many many positions. i’ve seen hurricane panic buys, i have seen post hurricane apocalypses, i have closed stores, and i have opened stores. i have been to backroom recoveries, i have worked small stores and big stores. i have seen h1n1, and i have now seen covid19. and even tho this is something unprecedented, all together it’s really not. the difference here is that it’s been going on for three weeks now and there is no end in sight. the duration is what’s so new.

so i’ve started making notes every day after i got home. just the overall experience, but also customer comments and new things being implemented. it’s a fascination change, and i wanted to write it down to maybe sometime in the future come back to this time and remember anew.

i plan on keeping notes for the foreseeable future, to keep writing a diary of sorts, to see if this ever levels out or escalates even more, if things change drastically or not at all. and if the fucking toilet paper situation ever goes away.

things started to change the first week of march. it was super subtle, i didn’t even notice it at first. it was just a steady increase in business. a solid 20% ahead in sales all across the board. and even tho the virus was already in the news it didn’t cotton on right from the start. or it did, maybe, but i wasn’t expecting it to escalate to such heights.

tuesday, 03.10.2020 9am - 5pm

people are making their own hand sanitizer by mixing rubbing alcohol and aloe vera. we’re out of both. lady is asking me by the sun tan section about the state of deliveries of aloe vera gel. we get to talking. i admit that i don’t understand the people’s need for hand sanitizer since the cdc and every doctor ever recommends hand washing first and foremost. Susan comes out and says, ‘well the only thing that really can safe us from all this is...” and i retort with, “washing your hands, right?” but Susan claps back with, “the lord jesus christ.” and i had to excuse myself real quick and leave her ass on the aisle, because why are you fucking here then trying to potion together your own hand sanitizer, Severus, if all you need is god?

a grown woman that’s working at the register is. coughing. non. stop. co workers comment on it to each other and to me, and i wonder if anyone has taken her aside to explain the current state of world events to her, and maybe asking her to cover her damn mouth. we’re all gonna die.

thursday, 03.12.2020 2pm - 10pm 11pm

parking is an absolute nightmare. i’m 10 mins late cause i can’t find a spot. welcome to hell. i ask my boss what the sales were yesterday and she says we’re 40% ahead of the forecast. which is ridiculous. at this point it’s pretty much a blanket permission for over time. we do not have the capacity to continue to run at this pace. people get worn out, we’re bound to get sick, and the customers are fucking relentless. truck is big. Karen and her brother Chad look at the soap section and wanna know when we get more hand sanitizer in.

this lady is looking at things in the cold and flu section and we get to talking about shit and she mentions something she’s read on facebook and whoops my filter went poofgone and i tell her that i hope facebook dies along with all this corona virus flu and have a good evening.

at the end of my shift after we’ve finished stocking and cleaning up, i stay longer because there’s still a fuck ton of people in the store but we only have two registers open. i check people out until 11 and then peace out. one dude dropped $650 on groceries.

friday, 03.13.2020 11am - 7pm

“where is the hand sanitizer?” Karen asks. i refrain from shouting at her to get outta my face. the store is absolutely packed. lines of lengths i haven’t ever witnessed. lines and lines of people with full bascarts of stuff. the end is nigh and we are here with a front row view of it. we have a small parking lot, and i have no idea where these people’s cars are? i didnt know we could fit that many people in the store. whats the fire marshall’s max capacity guidelines? someone should review those. meanwhile i’m trying to navigate around everybody and put things on shelves that don’t last very long.

the grocery truck arrives around 3 ish and paper products get thrown out first. usually, when the truck arrives it stays locked until the night crew shows up. we’re set up to always have a trailer at the store, so when the guy shows up he unhitches his trailer, and hitches up under another trailer which was the previous day’s grocery truck, which got emptied off groceries when the night crew stocks, and then got filled with stacks of empty pallets, paper bales, and other reusable thinks like plastic trays the meat comes in, or the eggs come in, or produce plastic trays, things like that. so now that we’re in the apocalypse of paper products, the day crew gets those pallets out on the sales floor asap. at this point we have reduced the quantities of things you’re allowed to take to 3. 3 packs of toilet paper, 3 packs of paper towels... also 3 of lysol wipes and 3 of hand sanitizers even tho we dont have any, calm down, Karen. paper products are gone within an hour.

my company makes an absolute killing that day.

saturday, 03.14.2020 10ish to whenever.

my boss said she was coming in (on her off day) so i said yo, mind if i sleep in a bit? i was scheduled 7am and if i don’t have to i don’t want to. she said ok. i rock up at 10:08. things stop showing up on deliveries. the diaper area is sad looking. people have started to buy us out of baby wipes. there’s a problem coming at us in about 2 months. you cant flush baby wipes but since the toilet paper situation is what it is, people will wipe their butts with wet wipes. have fun with that, dallas county utility department (or whoever messes with the water wastes).

displays are dwindling. we are not getting product, so we are filling the shelves in the aisles with the stuff that’s on displays. it’s a bit wonky looking. there’s half an endcap with shampoo and then the rest of it is filled with hersheys. its upside down world. but we have to keep things full. with whatever. empty shelves are bad bad bad, but empty endcaps are a cardinal sin.

people waste so much food when they’re shopping. now that the shelves are getting and staying empty, people will just put things everywhere when they decide against buying the items. bags of chips, six packs of beer, gatorade whatever. that’s not really waste. but we also see bags of salad, frozen items, meats. we are currently not in the position to walk the store every half hour and collect these things. these things are all now wasted and will get thrown out. not the chips, i’m talking about the temp controlled things. being cold to the touch is not enough. shit aint safe.

monday, 03.16.2020 8am - 4 pm 6pm

truck is gigantic. never ever have i seen a truck that big. so everything that my boss was fantasizing about me doing gets thrown out the window when the truck hits the backdoor at 11 am. everybody who is scheduled for truck is given the option to come in early. and stay until it’s all stocked. or until you’re exhausted. i help with the pharmacy stuff because that’s the biggest part. i stay until 6pm. then i’m out.��

people would like to know where the hand sanitizer is, well, sugar, so. do. i. it’s the one item that has been out since the end of february, and people are absolutely gob smacked when you tell them it’s currently unavailable. i try to appease them with some hand soap, but, stupidly, people dont want to hear that. i’m thinking to myself that in about a week soap will also be unavailable, but to each their own. customers believe that we, the workers, know the exact day and time when lysol wipes will be stocked. but when you tell them that soap is getting scarce they look at you like you’re speaking a different language.

company wide, we are not allowed to order anything right now. which is huge. how it usually works is: our system knows at all times how many items we have in the store, as per bar code, and knows how much will fit on the shelves, how much we’re selling every day/hour, and then there’s the forecasting factor. so the system will order stuff based on sold quantities, automatically. all the time. if we need extra stuff for sales and/or displays and whatnot, we order extra.

the computer system wouldnt know, for instance, that there was a tornado in oct that wiped out our electricity and that of most of our customers, so we changed orders to reflect that. no frozen things, lots more batteries, ice, coolers.

a lot of things ride on added orders, which are now out

from here on in, everything is up to the system, and to the powers that be. if there’s soap in the warehouse, we will get allocated with every store in the area so that everyone gets equal amounts or close to. hoarding is, apparently, frowned upon at this level too.

tuesday, 03.17.2020 2pm - 10pm

i have come to hate the soap aisle. used to always be my favorite. so long, soap aisle, we’ve had a good run. tonight i’m stocking the pharmacy area (cold and flu, pain meds, tummy stuff, those sort of things). truck is small. super small. i try helping customers as much as i can, but most of my end of the conversation is no, sorry, we dont have any. backstocks are dwindling. the backroom is emptying out. we rely on truck deliveries for things to do and products to be put out. “do you have any [insert product here] in the back?” is the most asked questions. “there’s nothing in the back.” is the most uttered sentence all day.

people obviously do to not get what social distance means. every aisle is packed with shoppers. i’m wasting a lot of time trying to stay out of people’s paths, but people lingeeeerrrrr what the fuck. the mayor of dallas shut everything down to flatten the curve yet here all these fuckers are doing their god damn grocery shopping like it’s 3 months ago. get in, get stuff, get out. i try conjuring up some gas to clear the aisle, but the farts won’t come

go home, people. i wish i could.

somehow our store has become the hub in our area. we get trucks in the afternoon with produce and meat, and people from other stores around us show up in trucks and suvs to transport product between stores. i’ve seen so many people that i hadn’t seen in years because they’re coming by getting shit in the afternoon.

we lost one of our baristas. she’s retired but works with us the maximal allotted hours per week the government allows you before they yank your money. she’s living in senior housing (cause its cheap) and they’ve completely locked down and she is unable to come to work. her boss funnels her groceries. and they face time a lot. she’s doing ok.

wednesday, 03.18.2020 10am - 6pm

parking lot semi full, too full for a wednesday. toilet paper situation is unchanged. but alas there’s no grocery truck scheduled tonight so this is not changing until tomorrow. i’m talking to three separate people desperate for some toilet roll (lol, i love how this pandemic makes me learn new terms, hi, united kingdom, i see you - toilet roll, i love it). anyways, i explain to all three the truck schedule and how to best strategize to get some butt wipes: truck is 6 days a week, wednesday being the no truck day. when the truck arrives, usually what happens is that the paper products get stocked immediately, to make room in the back room and to alleviate the situations. be in the store at around 3ish? 3:30ish, and hang out. i explain that i don’t want to encourage anybody to spend their afternoon in the store for obvi reasons, but when you gotta go you gotta go. alternately, hang out in your car, and when you see a truck pull behind the store around mid day, chances are in about 30 mins you shall have paper. people appreciate the info.

i’m in the candy aisle trying to stock a case of twizzlers. we’re using shopping carts to stock, it’s way more flexible than lugging around huge stocking carts, especially now with the store being so crowded. this dude rocks up and asks me if i’m panic hoarding with all those boxes in my cart. he looks at me with a straight face and thinks he’s making a point. meanwhile i’m in full uniform and people around are starting to roll their eyes. i drop the box of twizzlers into my cart (its super heavy and dude is creating a scene). my box cutter comes out and i make a show of clicking the blade out while explaining to douche canoodle that i’m working here, excuse me, and cut into the tape of the box. moron.

there’s a few people that i’ve seen every day this week. and they’re all advanced in their age. i get that the store is your second home cause you’re lonely, but right now is really not the time. go home.

the question i hate the most is: when are you gonna get more soap in. the honest answer? no fucking clue, Karen. if i could predict the future i wouldn’t be working here.

thursday, 03.19.2020 10am - 6pm

there was no grocery truck last night so shelves are still as empty as they were when i left last night. still, parking lot is semi full. we’ve seem to have gotten a decent produce truck, bananas everywhere. great. my boss’s plan for me is to: whatever truck is back there, and then easter. which means i walk the back room, collect anything and everything that belongs to our department, and get it on the shelves. there’s nothing back there except a chocolate delivery which arrived on the dairy truck. a huge amount, by normal standards. at least people are still enjoying some candy.

by 3pm it’s made the rounds that one of the guys for our dept isn’t coming in: allergies. okay then. truck is not too big, i help out with that until it’s time to hit the time clock.

times are tough, and i’m a good-natured person that can dish out jokes and emphasize with you and cumbaja we’re all in this together and all the other bullshit we’re telling ourselves to make us feel better. but when dudebro comes down the soap aisle and bemoans the state of the shelves (empty) and then goes into a rant about his two parents, immunocompromised, at home, out of soap, almost getting loud and making it seem like its my fault that we don’t have what you want, then no. i’m all out of fucks to give. meanwhile, people of the free world, have you forgotten that hand washing soap does not only come in little pump bottles that you can cutsify your sink with but also LOOK AT ALL THE BARSOAP, back in the days we used that to wash our hands. calm down and take some irish spring to your parents.

grocery truck arrives. big time. in the good ole days of yester year we would get one trailer daily, most of the time not even full. we’ve been ramping it up to 2 most of the last two weeks. (and by we i mean we as a society, buying everything on the shelves and not being satisfied and always wanting more). today it was three. one of which with nothing but water. the others with lots of toilet roll and paper towels. and the usual stuff of canned goods and the likes. nothing will last tho, nothing is forever.

we have this one guy who works here who has, i believe, severe arthritis and is hygiene wise very challenged. he isn’t very mobile and does super light duty but he’s worked here a long time. i haven’t seen him in a few days. i wonder if he is just off, or if he said fuck it and stayed home.

the grown ass woman at the register is still coughing. and not covering her mouth. asswipe.

saturday 03.21.2020 7am - 3pm 6pm

“when do you expect more hand sanitizer in?”

i have no idea what you’re talking about, hand sanitizer was never a thing. lemme ask you this: is it berenstein bears where you come from?

people still want to shop brand loyal. i die inside a little bit every time someone turns their nose up at an alternative to their regular, “oh but we don’t use that brand.” dude didn’t you just say you needed vitamin c? was that a lie? here’s the damn vitamin c. it’s vitamin c, not, i don’t know, fucking coca cola. go home.

corporate finally came down and said we’re allowed to wear ppe now. like some of us haven’t since three weeks ago. i finally turned and went all ‘two by two hands of blue’ as well, and it’s really not as bothersome as i thought it would be.

weekends are now slower than weekdays. i have no idea why that is. and i’m not really sure if these past weekends have been slow, or just normal, and the weekdays are just crazy. i have lost all points of reference. it’s still busy. but is it the same busy it’s always been on a saturday and now we just have more checkers?

the company is desperately trying to hire more people. i don’t know if the new vigorous ad campaign is working yet? it’s a job, sure, especially in these times, but the starting pay is still barely above minimum wage so in any case people will collect unemployment which could still be more than they’d make working here i’m just saying.

the only real perk right now is that whoever works for a grocery store has first dibs on stuff. and if you believe we don’t have a “family and friends stash” in the back of all the items that are scarce then you don’t know how the world works. a friend of mine with health problems came to shop at our store today because we do have more stuff than what i’ve been hearing is going on in surrounding areas. and i was able to give her two cans of disinfectant wipes. another friend asked me if we had any loo roll, and they just came by my place to pick it up, cash on arrival.

we also extend (or well, i do extend) the stash to customers who always have been courteous. and believe me, after working in one location for a few years you know exactly who’s an asshole and who isn’t. we are essential, we are important, and we’ve been known that forever. we just never got treated like that. people are thankful that we’re working, that we’re doing our best (like if we could afford to just take two weeks off to self isolate, yeah right), and it’s good to finally walk the store with your head held high, to finally feel the appreciation. we are the kings of the toilet paper and it’s fucking fantastic.

the store manager (or the company, i’m not sure) bought lunch today for everybody. and there might be a texas rule of no gatherings of more than 10 people, but y’all should’ve seen the break room today at noon. we they feasted (i took two slices and went out back to enjoy) thanks for lunch, boss.

we still haven’t implemented “senior hours,” and i hate that.

hygiene challenged dude is back at work. so he just had his two days off.

monday 03.23.2020 12pm - 9pm

people keep insisting on shopping “normally” and it’s mind boggling. if you go to the store for 5 things or 50 things, it’s fine either way. but please make a list at home and roll with it. do not linger in aisles, do not pick up 3 different items and stand there to study the, i don’t know what the fuck, ingredients? country of origin? manufacturer? i have no earthly idea why you gotta look at a bottle of suave shampoo so intently and just. stay. there. reading it like its a new product on the market. go home.

people just waste so much freakin time in the store. they run into acquaintances and have to have a conversation right there when other customers have to walk around you. please stop, please please stop that. please. get in, get your stuff, and get out. if we dont have your fave available right now come back next week, it’s bound to be back unless it’s something like hand sanitizer or over the counter meds. please. go home.

the shopping pattern has changed. there’s all the action in the mornings now. tons of people, full parking lots, all in the morning. i understand it’s because people are under the impression everything gets restocked over night. which is half true. but whatever. i mean people shop all throughout the day and it’s still busy but the bulk is in the morning.

speaking of: senior hours finally!!! i’m stoked.

i feel like i’m getting fed up with customer questions so it’s usually short retorts and no eyes contact. one guy asked me where the aloe vera is and he asked very friendly and from a few feet away and i was sort of a dick to him. i felt bad immediately and rephrased my answer. yikes.

on the upside also, my work buddy was throwing water all day long. poor guy. he said something like 9 pallets of 24 packs. at one point they were replenishing a display and people grabbed water from the display instead of the pallet, and he was like, “you guys are killing me, man, please take it from the pallet and not the display. every pack you take from the pallet is a pack less i have to move.” a couple of dudes then took over stocking duty from him and threw the rest of the pallet to fill the display. how fucking nice. good eggs all around.

backroom looks like we got a crap ton of paper products. a crap ton. something like, i’m estimating, 12 pallets. so they’ve been staggering it throughout the afternoon but also kept lots in the back for senior hours tomorrow morning. it really looks like that part is getting almost back to normal. lmao fingers crossed.

no eggs tho, today. all gone.

hot shot trucks still show up in the afternoon with produce and meat. and other stores still come by to transfer stuff to their location.

company lunch today was from torchy’s taco. i abstained cause i had just eaten at home. but gatherings of 10 or more people had been had in the break room again. no idea if it was paid for by our company or if torchy’s was just getting rid of a bulk of their perishables.

some dude threw a fit about the limits on certain items. i think his beef was with water and how he’s seen someone take more than three. calm down, asshole.

tuesday 03.24.2020 10am - 5pm

it’s slow in the store. dallas county has a shelter in place ordinance right now and it’s just a slow and steady trickle of customers. the weather also has turned from grey and misty, to sunshine and 80ies. i hate it. i want my grey and misty back. and because it’s nice outside there’s a lot of people on walks and bike rides. there’s a trail behind the store and when i step out back i see people all the times. still keeping their social distance but people non the less.

we’ve finally got our hands on one of the people from the agency that has provided us with help. our girl is super nice and friendly and she works hard. i hope we’ll get to keep her in our department for however long theyre working with us. altogether there’s about 15-20 people in the store from the agency. they’re tasked with sacking groceries, cleaning shopping carts, cleaning shelves and helping to stock. it’s wonderful. they get paid $13, which is more than what you make starting out in the store.

it almost felt like it wasn’t a covid day. after what the covidiot in the wh said on monday, i was a bit unsure if non essentials would reopen (especially since the mayor just shut dallas down). it was weird. it seemed like customers stayed away because a) they went back to work or b) it’s too nice to grocery shop. but that’s prob only my stupid brain making things up.

there were two incidents, both of which weren’t covid related but needed security: a dude tried to walk out with two cases of beer (theft is a thing that happens in our store a lot) but somehow he had half the store chasing after him. i was outside taking my break when all the sudden this guy comes towards me with beer in each hand. where i was, there was no exit away from the store unless you wanted to jump the fence. and he sure did. launched himself and the beer over it. they chased him off (no one touched him, i wanna add, and no one would touch him too, even if we weren’t in the current time), but got their beer back. that was an adrenaline shock i didn’t need. the second one was a lady at the pharmacy not happy with the speed of the pharmacist and she got upset that her meds weren’t ready to be picked up. she made quite a scene with cursings and such so security was called. they are doing their best at the pharmacy but just like every other department they are swamped with prescriptions.

it was super slow and i left an hour early. went home and ate and passed out for 12 hours.

wednesday 03.25.2020 7am - 3pm

it’s probs the first time i’m on the road this early on a weekday during the self isolation period. it’s quite busy on the highway. but still no real traffic.

store is still slow but steady. i see a few customers with big bascarts and shopping lists going about their business urgent like. on the inside i was applauding their readiness and their commitment for getting it done. thank you dear customers. buy a whole cart and get the heck outta dodge. *chefs kiss*

help girl from the agency is with me today. i like her more and more. she gets it all done. baby wipes are still off and on, some days we have them, sometimes we’re out. we found 3 small cases of hand soap in the back (6 bottles each) and they are gone quickly. i’m working through shippers/displays (we’ve finally got a smattering in) but most of it goes straight to the shelves. i’m able to make some sense to one of the half shampoo/half hersheys end caps, and my eye finally stops twitching from the weirdness.

grocery truck schedule has changed and now we’re getting them also on wednesdays (for the time being). one trailer of toilet roll and paper towels, and one of canned goods and boxes and pantry stuffs. and maybe some lysol but who knows.

it’s still sunny and 80ies out, so more runners and bikers on the trail behind the store. still social distancing tho.

the news said someone from a grocery store of another chain was diagnosed. and then through the grapevine i heard that someone from our chain (not our store) also got diagnosed and is in the hospital. wash your hands. get in, get your stuff, and get out. stay safe out there.

friday 03.27.2020 9am - 5pm

there’s this lady in the store, little old lady, just wandering and shopping and whatnot for, i kid you not, 2 hours. what in the world? she’s wearing a mask, kinda like a “let me put this mask on cause i’m sanding something in the garage” you know that kind of mask. but it’s only covering her mouth? what is she doing. where is your family? do they know where you are and what you’re up to. seriously someone come get their auntie.

there’s stickers all over the floor by the registers “PLEASE WAIT HERE” reminding people to stay the heck away from each other. it’s working sometimes. people are patient.

this one lady asks me if we have this, and shows me her phone with a pic of the item like she is seriously standing 6 feet away stretching her arm as far as it’ll go. i appreciate it. she insists that the app tells her it’s in stock here. i ran out of ways to explain that the app doesnt keep up with inventory, only states that we carry it, not whether we actually have it in stock. it’s a surface disinfectant. we dont have it in stock.

rando people say their thanks that we’re working, that they appreciate it, thank you thank you. i have yet to learn how to respond to that. “youre welcome?” “oh sure!” “no problem” nothing feels right. me and my co workers all wish we could work from home, or take a few weeks off, without losing our jobs and benefits. it’s weird. how do you respond to that?

we’ve managed to stay in stock on toilet tissue all day long. one brand, one size, mind you. but! all day long! yes, toilet paper, on aisle 18!!!!

sales have leveled. business is returning to normal.

saturday 03.28.2020 7am - 3 pm

some lady lost her cool today and in her frustration she dead ass kicked over a display of gum. lmao, yikes.

every morning we have a little meeting in the store for all the department heads, or if they’re off, for whoever plays department head for that day. on saturdays that’s me. we call them huddles, although now we can’t call them that anymore because huddle doesn’t really scream social distancing. so now they’ll call it morning communication.

while walking the store today i found, get this, a bottle of purell. it was hidden behind other product. i immediately checked my surroundings (no one there) and then went and hid it in the back room. my immuno challenged friend had asked me for some for a while.

really nothing else going on. it was quiet in the morning and then a storm blew through, and then it was just gorgeous out. so the store got busier and busier. our truck was scheduled to be quite big, but it was late and i wasn’t gonna just hang around until who knows when.

monday 03.30.2020 2pm - 10pm

the break room is completely empty of chairs and tables. that’s new. just last week everyone crowded in, employees and management alike, whenever there was free lunch. and even tho one tells them, or points out that, hey, this is a bit more than technically should be in a closed space like this? all one gets back is, oh hahaha, yeah you’re probably right, but nothing changed. so now the break room is empty. only, i dont know, everyone here works on their feet, either standing (poor checkers) or standing and walking. for up to eight hours. there’s gonna be some people who will just have to sit down for 30 mins during their breaks. this was a company wide, or district wide decision, this wasn’t something our management came up with. and here’s the thing. admittedly, some higher ups in our company are seriously not the sharpest tacks in the box. and i’m not saying that you have to have a degree to make certain decisions, but it helps if you have some sort of, i don’t know, compassion, deductive reasoning, two brain cells to rub together. i, personally, will hardly be found in the break room, i don’t use it. but it’s absolutely clear to me that taking away the opportunity to let people rest is a recipe for disaster.

tuesday, 03.31.2020 2pm - 10pm

so, the owner of the dallas mavericks (basket ball) donated hand sanitizers to our company, for use of company employees. which, thanks, Mark, that was super sweet of you. no really. IF I SEE ONE CO WORKER USE THIS INSTEAD OF WASHING THEIR HANDS I WILL NOT BE MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. wash your god damned hands people. hand sanitizer will never be able to do what soap and water can do. why is that such a big problem to understand.

the break room has a couple of chairs and tables in it now, and a sign on the door that reads “6 people limit, 6 feet apart.” yikes.

its the end of the month and people got paid so the store is getting busier. tomorrow is the first and i’m sure we’ll be packed. please take the following to heart: SHOP ALONE. don’t bring your wifey or hubby or roommate or kids. ok bring your kids if you have no one to watch them. do not use the grocery store as your family outing cause its the only spot you think youre allowed to go. it’s not. youre allowed to go for walks, in front of your house, in your neighborhood, heck, walk a circle around the store if you want, but don’t bring everybody into the store. social distancing is easier achieved if there’s less people to stay away from. be smart, think ahead. and if you think that shopping with two people makes it go faster? it’s not. cause you’re gonna argue over the choices made, you’re gonna veto your shopping buddies choice of beans and your gonna walk every aisle twice instead of once. and there will be more people touching more things and i could really do with less of that.

wednesday 04.01.2020 11am - 7pm

there’s a distillery in kansas who has converted their production to make hand sanitizer (or sanitizer in general) and we have received a shipment of, i think, two pallets. the fun part? they are the size and shape of vodka bottles.

they’re selling for $8 and we put a limit of 1 per family. they look super neat. it’s a plastic bottle, too. i don’t use hand sanitizer and i dont need it and there are people who need these i guess but i want one so badly. just as a, you know, reminder, a token, of these crazy times. i’m not gonna get one (but i kinda want one).

they have finally installed screens at the registers. and new rules came down from corporate: social distancing is the highest priority, hygiene is the highest priority. we are only going to operate 3 (out of 6) registers so that we can ensure that there’s enough space for everyone to feel safe. i have also spent 2 hours today thinning out displays that are cluttering up the sales floor so that we can encourage everyone to keep apart.

starting tomorrow, every employee will get their temp taken when they arrive to work. if the temp is too high you will be sent home (but paid for that day) and only be let back in to work if your temp stays normal for 72 hours without the help of meds.

pay has been increased by $2/h.

friday 04.03.2020 9am - 5pm

face masks everywhere.

like 80% of everybody started donning masks, scarves and homemade things to cover their lower face. face masks are a stark reminder that everyone should keep apart. it’s like an extra “hey, remember how we’re all potentially sick with something deadly? stay away.” i appreciate the effect it has.

there are about 5 different announcements over the PA, one about washing your hands and sneezing/coughing into your elbows, one about senior hours (which have changed now to tue, thu and sat morning), one about social distancing (about the length of two shopping carts!), one about “we’re all in this together” and one about us employees and how we’re doing so much more than our job right now.

ive stopped greeting customers. i smile maybe, since it’s something so ingrained into our brain, but i won’t speak unnecessarily.

the store is absolutely packed. the suggestion of staying away until the 3rd or the 4th that ive seen all over the internets seems to have cottoned on and now we’re slammed. with only 3 registers open now (to keep room between registers) the lines are down the aisles. one of the guys on the registers told me he loved it. it’s waaay less crowding around the registers, safer for the workers).

we have two entrances (the main one and a smaller one) and they closed the smaller one because it’s very tight there and doesn’t really work with trying to stay away from each other. it’s not locked, it’s just closed. no idea about the fire marshall code, but i have worked in bigger stores with only one main entrance so maybe it’s not part of any code.

i saw a woman with a vegas golden knights shirt and i miss hockey.

saturday 04.04.2020 7am - 5:30pm

my first day during senior hours, and admittedly we’ve only recently changed that but there are tons of people in the store and not a lot of seniors. but what do i know they all could be immunocompromised.

in our morning huddle communications meeting the store manager is spitting out a lot of numbers and percentiles and such, basically sales are still through the roof, even with the slower week we’ve had. it’s funny how there’s really no reference point anymore. forecasts and budgets have all been altered due to the situation but even those are still behind. the agency people aren’t with us anymore (since sunday) and i can see maybe 2 new people - but i’m not a reliable source for that because i don’t inter-mingle with other departments that much so i dont even know the regulars so i have no clue who is new. but we’re still running on basically the same people we’ve always had with this increased business.

aceotone is the new toilet paper. cant find it on the shelves, the warehouse is out and people are constantly asking for it. this one guy had me in stitches. he was shopping for the fam and had a list from his wife and you know, acetone, cuticle cream all the stuff you need to take care of your nails after you rip off the fake ones. i used to get my nails done so i gave him advice as best i could and pointed to some products, but no acetone. about five minutes later she finds me on the same aisle again and shows me a can of paint stripper with the word acetone in huge letters on it. i died. i told him that if his wife used that they are about to have a whole other set of problems. we both laughed. he had a great sense of humor. now go home, dude.

the side door that was closed on friday is open again. not surprised.

we are getting absolutely slammed with business. it’s a mad house. you can always tell when people start to park their cars on the fire lanes around the store. there’s just no more parking.

i do see a lot of single shoppers tho, which is so great. and then you got the families just sticking out like sore thumbs. and young college kids usually shop in threes or fours. but everybody is still taking way too much time. there was an article i read on local grocers and how some already reduced the people inside the stores and how every business is going to follow suit so we will see.

we ran out of eggs. and biscuits. and no significant numbers of paper products all week.

monday 04.06.2020 2pm - 10pm

fuck these customers, man

wednesday 04.08.2020 7am - 3pm

my company will not limit the customer count in the store. at least not in this state. when the whole thing started there was an email about store hours and they listed basically every division of our company and their changed hours - except, you guessed it, ours. i have a feeling they are going off of what other companies are doing around here, so unless theyre limiting people, we won’t. that’s my opinion. after work i realized i forgot butter and swung by a store (from a different company) close to home and they havent limited entrance either. they did have markings on the floor to encourage one way traffic down aisles, and i guess we’re gonna do that too. but nothing else. i did see smaller chains have started to limit people but not companies we’re competing with. so much for that. i guess first we need to have a few positive cases in order for them to change anything. the dollar speaks volumes, eh?

i saw this article a few days ago and i keep thinking about it. it basically sums up everything that’s going through all our minds every day. (i have no idea who this website is, i saw it and i read it and it spoke to me so dont come at me if it’s something weird - i just wanted to provide a source)

I manage a grocery store.

Here’s some things everyone should know

1. I don’t have toilet paper 2. I don’t have sanitizer 3. I run out of milk, eggs and meat daily 4. I promise if it’s out on the shelf … it’s not in a hidden corner of our backroom.

Those are the predictable ones, now for the real stuff

5. I have been doing this for 25 years I did not forget how to order product. 6. I did not cause the warehouse to be out of product/ 7. I schedule as much help as I have, including many workers working TONS of overtime to help YOU. 8. I am sorry there are lines at the check out lanes.

Now for the really important stuff:

9. My team puts themselves in harm’s way every day so you can buy groceries. 10. My team works tirelessly to get product on the floor for you to buy. 11. My team is exhausted. 12. My team is scared of getting sick. 13. My team is human and does not possess an antivirus… they are in just as much danger as you are. (Arguably more) but they show up to work every day just so you can buy groceries 14. My team is tired. 15. My team is very under-appreciated. 16. My team is exposed to more people who are potentially infected in one hour than most of you will in a week (medical community excluded, thank you for all that you do!). 17. My team is abused all day by customers who have no idea how ignorant they are. 18. My team disinfects every surface possible, everyday, just so you can come in grab a wipe from the dispenser, wipe the handle and throw the used wipe in the cart or on the ground and leave it there… so my team can throw it in the trash for you later. 19. My team wonders if you wash your re-usable bags, that you force us to touch, that are clearly dirty and have more germs on them than our shopping carts do. 20. My team more than earns their breaks, lunches and days off. And if that means you wait longer I am sorry.

The last thing I will say is this:

The next time you are in a grocery store, please pause and think about what you are saying and how you are treating the people you encounter. They are the reason you are able to buy toilet paper, sanitizer, milk, eggs, and meat.

If the store you go to is out of an item.. maybe find the neighbor or friend that bought enough for a year … there are hundreds of them… and ask them to spare 1 or 2. They caused the problem to begin with…

And lastly, please THANK the people who helped you. They don’t have to come to work!

#i dont know how to tag it i hate to tag it covid #i think it's gonna be #life in these pandemic times #thanks stumblingoverchaos

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andyourhostkristenwiig · 3 years

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I thought about this for quite a while..about what happened at work yesterday. I have to write it down and I can’t fit it in a message to my friends...but I can’t let it go yet. I’m making it read more though.

We’re 6 people in our department including our boss.

Three of us were around the same age (26-30) so we got along very well. Especially with Corona hitting us, two of us living alone, we weren’t allowed to go anywhere besides work so we bonded. We were friends, at least I thought so.

We’d spend lunch breaks together, since we shared one office anway, we had a movie/game night one time in June. We laughed a lot and work was really fun. Let’s call them A and B (which fits, since I’m C)

Now we all have our little knicks and knacks and I fully understand that.

A was afraid of pretty much anything. B and I would do just about anything for her...go pick up lunch, let her pay later because she was too afraid to use an ATM, we picked up stuff from the grocery store when she forgot something on her ONE shopping trip she could do per week so she didn’t have to be around more people, I walked her outside and across the town square every lunch break because she was afraid of being watched, I went grocery shopping with her after the store re-arranged everything and she was afraid of not finding things and being in there for too long, we would sometimes just bring stuff from our break for all of us just because we were friends. She freezes extremely quickly and has a fan heater in our office...but with my dust allergy that’s nearly impossible for me, the three of us sat together and talked about alternatives. She doesn’t like wearing thick clothes, she doesn’t like scarves, she doesn’t like sweaters or winter boots. We eventually settled on heated pads for her shoes, the door can be closed, the heater can be on but the fan heater has to stay shut off and I get to air out the office every now and then.

Sounds nice, right?

Yes, until you asked her a favour. She would always turn her anxieties to please her, so she didn’t have to do any favours for us. She wouldn’t even take my sick note that was in an envelope from me so I wouldn’t have to send it all the way through the entire town hall which takes a couple of days. Whatever you would ask her, she couldn’t do it for whatever strange reason. But if you’d ask her one favour multiple times, she would always decline it with a different explanation.

The “worst incident” is so dumb but actually apparently big now.

There’s a calendar in our office that I need to set payment deadlines. I can clearly see it but I can’t reach it. Usually our cleaning lady pushes the date farther but that week she was sick. I asked A to please push it to the new date. She proceeded to tell me she couldn’t reach it. And I told her, no she could, we’re the exact same height, she just has to take a tiny step closer. She then ended up acting super dumb and ripped the calendar off. Yeah I was a little annoyed. Told her that now she has to step even closer to put it back on. She suddenly asked me if she couldn’t hang it behind me instead to which I answered that it would be dumb to put it behind me when I need it like 20 times a day and can’t see it there. Anyway that dumb argument went on for 10 minutes and ended in me ripping the calendar from her hands, putting it back on from the exact position she was standing in before and telling her to stop acting stupid. Which I still stand for. That was when the town hall was closed for everyone except employees so to calm down, I put my headphones on and continued my work. Like 10 minutes later I just came back from asking something in the office next door but they needed more info so they came with me, I saw that she was crying. I’m bad with crying people and went to B’s office and asked her to come over to check on her. Which she did. But A didn’t really want to tell us what was going on and eventually told us it wasn’t about the calendar thing but something personal and she’d rather go home. Which she did...that entire thing happened at like 8.45am and she left at 11am. (this is important for the story just go with it)

Anyway, we forgot (or so I thought) about it, continued joking with each other, hung out, we still had lunch together every day and would play uno when everyone else was gone at work. We would talk about work like friends, not like colleagues...we would mock here and there and voice what we hated.

Things at work were sort of tense lately due to several reasons...mostly misinterpretation and misinformation and for whatever reason they projected all that onto B. It was quite weird at work lately. I was always a bit confused why they wouldn’t address their problems with B herself.

We still had the fan heater issue though because she didn’t want any of our agreements anymore, saying it looks stupid and she doesn’t want it. When I came in at work and told her my eyes hurt from the dust, all she said was “oh sorry but I’m cold” and turned it back on. We sometimes butted heads here.

Last friday B had her final day, she got a new job closer to home and she totally deserved it. We were sad and would always go “oh no this is our last time eating chinese together” and all. I prepared an awesome home-made farewell card, bought some nice stuff for her and all. A and I would split our office then and she’d move into the now empty one and it was gonna be nice after all.

But the second B left the parking lot my colleague went “everything’s gonna be better now” and I thought that was so weird. On the weekend she left all our group chats and told us she would explain it to us later. I wasn’t at work on monday because I had handimen at my apartment.

When I came in on Tuesday, not only had A moved out of my office but also taken furniture from my office that I specifically moved into my office this past winter because I needed the space. She had also used my office as sort of a litter bin and put even B’s forgotten drink. It was so weird.

Anyway at 8.30am I get an email inviting us all to a meeting at 9am. I knew something was up when no one reminded me when they already left for the meeting.

So I came in there to be completely shredded apart. It was 4 against 1.

And who started? A started. She started again with the entire lunch thing where I didn’t want to have lunch with all 6 colleagues in my office (hello, corona you dumb fucks). Despite me having explained it a million times before.

Then, here’s the calendar story as she told it with tears in her eyes to our boss:

She was crying so loud that I should have heard her. I had left and entered the office several times and didn’t pay attention to her crying. Then I proceeded to go next door to get my colleague to show him that she was crying and my alibi was showing him a single sheet of paper that didn’t say anything. After THREE hours, we asked her what was wrong with her. And meanwhile we texted with each other and would laugh about her.

She told me she liked joking with us but sometimes they were too much. I asked her why she didn’t say anything and continued laughin with us while the two of us would always say when it went too far. She doesn’t like conflicts, she wasn’t peace. FUCK YOU, YOU WENT TO OUR BOSS FOR SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE HANDLED PRIVATELY.

Anyway, every colleague went on to tell me how awful I am. I am contemptuous, I’m a bully, I don’t have empathy, I mock everyone and show no respect. That went on for 35 minutes, I wasn’t really allowed to tell my version of the stories because A had tears in her eyes and went “I’m not stupid, I know you laughed about me” you know what you little bitch? I didn’t but I lost all respect for you with this move. She knew exactly that I’m the most uncomfortable if I’m unprepared in a room with all colleagues and was the center of attention. I was shaking the entire time, my voice was unrecognisable and I spent the entire morning in my office crying. They turned all those stories the way they pleased them and four against one, I was pretty helpless there. They told me it was all due to B and my friendship with her. No it wasn’t, it was me not being fake polite to you idiots anymore because you didn’t deserve it. A said she did this for her own health, she couldn’t handle the trouble in the air anymore. Oh sweetie...du hinterfotziges kleines Stück Scheiße...like I will ever talk to you again, like we will ever sit together again somewhere and play nice. I despise you with all my heart and I hope karma gets you good! I will never pick up lunch for you again, I will not accompany you anywhere to ease your anxiety and I will never bring anything from the store ever again.

I knew she was gonna stab my back eventually but this was unexpectedly fast.

I talked to B then, proceeded to delete A everywhere and block her. I am never talking to her ever again, luckily we don’t have the identical work. B went on to write her a huge text about how much of a coward she is that she couldn’t address us personally, as friends, and instead cornered me with everyone else when I was alone and most vulnerable. How fake it was to play friends with us just to go on to tell our boss everything the second she gets the chance. How she doesn’t want harmony, she just wants to have the upper hand. Her answer? “I didn’t read that text but we didn’t corner her, we invited her to a meeting. And I didn’t say she was gossiping, someome told me she was gossiping about me“ What kind of a friend believes that a friend gossips about them when they’re sick for one day? B wasn’t in that day, who was I supposed to gossip with? Also I do not talk shit about friends. ever! just to their face for fun. I have met many awful people in my life, but this must be the tip of the iceberg. I have never felt so used by a person that I really went out for and genuinely considered a friend. B told her that we did everything in our might to arrange with all her anxieties and fears but she has to address mine in front of a crowd which is also an anxiety of mine.

I have now scheduled a meeting with my boss on monday where I askedto show her my perspective of the stories told about me. I have so much shit on these guys just on these stories, they just think I’m too chicken to let them out. But if they think I’m going back to being the 15 year old teenager that was bullied and cried every day at school, was afraid of everything and everyone they picked the wrong one. I am done. I fought so hard to be the person I am now. I’m not perfect, I have so many mistakes and shit, but I got so far. If they think they can ruin it by sticking together, I will just take us all down. I have worked in so many different administrations these past years and not a single one has said a bad word about me. I’m still in contact with 90% of the people and when it’s not Corona, I go and check in with them from time to time. I am not letting a coward, a little back-stabbing bitch, an uncapable boss and a whiny rat ruin everything.

The End...to be continued I guess.

We’ll see about my future there once I’ve talked to my boss on monday.

#do not under any circumstances reblog this #personal

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straight-into-the-animus · 4 years

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To Go, Please (Thalexios)

This has been a long time coming, but it’s my first foray into an Assassin’s Creed fanfic! This was requested by @deadskeleton95 who wanted some modern thalexios, so I really hope you enjoy! It got a little out of hand, but I tried to stick to the prompt as best as possible! <3 If you have any prompts (even other than Thalexios) message me!

Read on Ao3 as well!

The first time he had come in, Alexios had dropped the bearclaw he was putting on display near the front counter. Both of their eyes, which had previously been locked, immediately followed the trail of the sad little pastry, its almonds wedging loose in some places.

“That’s not an omen, is it?” The man - man, he was Alexios’s age, probably still in college - asked, a perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised. He was the picture of dry humor, but underneath that there was a sincere amusement dancing on the edge of his words. Alexios was just thankful that his cheeks didn’t burn as bright red as the apron Barnabas forced him to wear.

“I’m sorry about that. The tongs…” He snapped the offending instruments for example like a sad little crab, and this time a small smile played out on the customer’s face for a few precious seconds. It was a nice face, Alexios would admit. He was effortlessly beautiful, and you couldn’t deny it. He was like a strong breeze; he just was there, and you knew it.

“They have a mind of their own, I’m sure.”

“Exactly. Anyway… What can I get you?”

“Definitely one of those,” Thaletas pointed to a - fresh - bearclaw, “and a medium of whatever your ‘Spartan Kick’ is.”

“Good luck with that one, friend.” It was by far the strongest coffee they served, almost enough to warrant a warning label in Alexios’ humble opinion. “I’ll make sure to send flowers and a nice letter.”

“I’m more than sure I can handle it.” The customer scoffed, and Alexios didn’t doubt it at all, but the wise, more sensible past of him that his mother had molded him into made him bite his tongue; especially since this was going on much too long even for a “dead” time. Instead he cleared his throat and grabbed a cup.

“Could I have a name for the Spartan Kick?” Alexios picked up a cup and Sharpie marker, subtly clearing his throat.

“Thaletas.”

“Thaletas?”

“It’s T-H-”

Alexios showed him the cup. “Like this?”

Thaletas blinked and read it over. “You got it right on the first try. Thanks for not laughing.”

“Alexios.” Alexios pointed out his nametag. “I completely understand the struggle.”

Thaletas smiled again - a real smile, the corners of his eyes just barely starting to crinkle - and Alexios knew immediately he wanted to make it happen again.

~~~~~

Thaletas would show up regularly over the next few weeks, always on Tuesday around quarter to 11am, but aside from very small things Alexios could learn from conversations and typical details, he knew next to nothing.

“You’re disgusting.” Kassandra remarked one day as Thaletas left, and no Alexios did not almost spill a bag of flour before he turned to glare in reproach at his older sister in reproach. She had apparently been in line behind Thaletas and just moved like a damn shadow since she had eluded the sight of everyone until right about now.

“Don’t you have off today?” He remarked in way of a greeting or acknowledgement of her previous statement.

“Yeah, and I’m here for three strawberry filled donuts with powder and a large espresso. But besides that…” She dramatically over emphasized the point and leaned against the counter to look over at her brother, “Who was that you were chatting up a storm with?”

“We were not ‘chatting up a storm’, I was asking about his exercise routine, how much he pressed.”

“And if he would be able to press you, obviously.” She was unphased as Alexios almost slammed the little wax paper bag down in front of her. Why was it so damn dead in the store now?

“Shut your dirty mouth. You want to say that a little louder? Can you just… Just not? He’s a customer.”

“Alexios, I saw the way you were looking at him. Little brother, that’s the same way you used to look at that cute boy who wanted to be a doctor. What was his name, Ly- Lyakon, wasn’t it?”

“You’re not helping my case.”

“And I’m not trying to. Just relax a little bit, okay? And because I’m such an am-a-zing big sister, I’ll give you a tip.” She leaned in conspiratorially as Alexios handed her the coffee and whispered. “Make the first move.”

“Impossible.”

“Boys almost never make them. You do it? Get his reaction. Catch him off guard. And before I lose my mind get his number. Okay?” She stared at him long and hard before he sighed and nodded once. She smirked and left with an extra two dollars in the tip jar, and Alexios felt like hitting his head against the oven door. Although he knew she was right. And though he would never admit it… She did give him an idea.

~~~~~

The next time Thaletas came in, Alexios chickened out. The time after that, though, he took the time and did something worthwhile when the opportunity presented itself.

“Do you know a Brasidas?”

“Brasidas?” Alexios looked up from where he was brewing the beans for Thaletas’ drink. It was becoming a tradition of a sort where if it wasn’t too busy and if Barnabas' good eye was turned away, they would talk a bit. Thankfully, most times seemed to be like that. “There’s one. He’s an old friend of my mother.”

“He’s my coach, actually. At my college.” And oh, everything made sense at that point. He commuted, he had later classes, things were beginning to snap into place. “He was actually the one to recommend The Adrestia to me. Said you and your sister worked here and it was really nice.”

“We do. Kassandra is a little like a cat, though. She comes and goes as she pleases unless she requires food.” Alexios gestured in a joking manner before putting the top on the coffee and handing it over. This was it, and he put on a winning grin with the just right wink to go along with his words. “Did he say much else about me? Something about my winning good looks, perhaps?”

Immediately he felt every internal part of him cringe at his delivery, even though theoretically it should’ve worked. It wasn’t disrespectful, wasn’t rude, but it was just… bad. And he knew it.

But amazingly, instead of walking out then and there, or laughing in Alexios’ face, Thaletas simply just… said nothing. The freckles on his face grew more pronounced, even, as he started to blush. It was fascinating, a beautiful shade on his olive skin. His eyes darted away for a second and he didn’t reach out for the offered coffee for a second.

“No, he- He didn’t say that.”

“So… You’re saying I’m ugly?”

“Not at all!” He said it loud enough that a few eyes darted over and this time Alexios could feel himself heat up a bit. There was a somewhat awkward cough from behind Alexios and he felt a light pat on his shoulder.

“Do you need to take a little break?” Barnabas asked and this time the cringe was reflected on Alexios face and in his wince as he shook his head.

“No thanks. Have a good day, Thaletas.”

“You as well, Alexios.” The other man got out before grabbing his coffee and bag and making the beeline out the door, the bell hanging above tinkling its small goodbye. Alexios gave out a mix of a sigh and a groan and allowed his head to gently connect with the cash register in front of him.

“It’ll work out, boy, don’t worry.” Barnabas offered in way of support, fucking mystic as always, and Alexios didn’t even have it in him to roll his eyes as usual. He wasn’t even about to find a way to plot the death of his older sister the next time she came waltzing in here. He just wanted the week to be over. And he didn’t want next Tuesday to roll around at all.

~~~~~

Next Tuesday rolled around, and he didn’t see Thaletas at all until the very end of the day. 11am had come and gone with his heart in his throat and fresh food waiting; heavens knew he was the one of the only people as well who ordered their death trap of a Spartan Kick, so that was all ready to be brewed. But he didn’t show up the whole day. And Alexios tried not to let that get him down, he really didn’t. He just baked donuts, made coffee, smiled, nodded, and confirmed.

The sun was almost completely set and his shift was within the last hour when the bell sounded again and Alexios found it in him to get to the front counter to give a greeting and take the order. The sight in front of him made it die on his lips, another word taking its place with more disbelief than he was going for.

“Thaletas?”

“Alexios. I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier, it… There was traffic. And I was waiting outside until it wasn’t so busy. I didn’t want to…” His hand swirled a little as he searched for the words. “Embarrass you.”

“Oh.” Alexios’ heart sunk. “You won’t embarrass me, Thaletas. Really. You did nothing, I should apologize for last week, it was unprofessional-”

“I do think you’re good looking.” Thaletas cut him off quietly. “Stunningly so. I did when I first walked in. And I think you are a very wonderful man.” Then here he took a breath, willing Alexios to be quiet; not that Alexios could say anything if he wanted to. “It’s why I simply wanted to give you this.” He dug in his pocket and took out a pen before swiping a nearby napkin and scribbling something on it. He slid it across the counter for Alexios, and finally Alexios saw in all its glory that it was Thaletas’ number. “Are you able to meet after your shift? Or sometime this week?”

“I get out in less than an hour.” This time Alexios couldn’t help a smile, and he saw another real one mirrored on Thaletas’ face as well. “Are you able to wait that long?”

“Am I able to get a small wedge of cake while I wait, then? Maybe on the house?” He asked, a fake hopeful look on his face that had Alexios’ shoulders shaking with laughter.

“Maybe next time.”

And there were plenty of "next times" after that night.

---

I hope you enjoy! If you do I have a Masterpost here and more ideas for writings and prompts here, so feel free to request! If you’d like to support me, I have a ko-fi here! Safety and peace!

#thalexios #my writings #assassin's creed odyssey #alexios #thaletas #animus antics #just saying #it's shaky #probably not that good never done THIS before #but i definitely will get better #still open to prompts! send them in #my fanfics

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of-a-chaotic-mind · 4 years

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*sigh* Vent Incoming

I completely understand if you don’t feel like reading through this and simply scroll on past, I get like that sometimes too which is why I’m putting the long-winded part below a breaker. I just really need to vent right now in a place that will (hopefully) give me unbiased feedback, advice, and answers.

TW/CW: Likely to be swearing, self-criticism, anxiety, claustrophobia, depression

Fair Warning, if you choose to read through I can’t promise that it’ll be 100% understandable... I may be able to write characters that eloquently tell someone to go f*** themselves right after giving their entire life story but when it comes to my actual thoughts and feelings I have no order or form. It’s all chaos from here on out...

I recently got diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue disease. If you don’t know what that is, my understanding is that it’s an autoimmune disease that can show up as different things in different people. That being said, I don’t feel like I do a whole lot during my daily life. I wake up, tired of course, on the weekdays I go to school for classes and work (I’m a work-study), on Tuesdays and Thursdays I’m home by 4pm. and on those days I have dinner, do any necessary homework, watch some Supernatural and/or write, and then do some solo acting before going to bed no later than 12, exhausted mind you but I get up no earlier than 7am every morning. The only thing that changes for Monday is that I’m at school from 9-8:30 because of a night class. On Wednesdays, the only change is that instead of homework, Supernatural, and writing I go to church and help out with GAs and am home by about 8. On the weekends, I usually sleep in late but no later than 11am. I do any chores and cleaning, homework, and then generally always have time for Supernatural, writing, and acting before going to bed, again no later than 12. So looking at this list, I don’t really do all that much, but I feel like I’m constantly running 90 mph and my brain is almost always running several tracks with twice as many trains. I feel absolutely and utterly exhausted.

Now here’s where it takes a turn. I am spiritually weak. I always try my hardest to chase after God and seek HIm but I always end up feeling like I’ve hit a brick wall. I feel broken and abandoned. Mentally, as previously mentioned my brain is always running at 110%, that is unless I’m acting, writing, or watching Supernatural. I am constantly fighting off depression and anxiety. As for emotionally, I feel drained and full all at the same time. I feel like I’ve bottled every bit of it up and just don’t have the energy to deal with it all. I realized tonight how much it is affecting my relationships because my boyfriend asked me if he did something to upset me because I’ve been on edge and short-tempered with him lately. (Btw ladies, get you a man who will come to you and talk instead of just assuming you don’t want him anymore. Communication is key.) I realized how distant I feel from him and realized that my chaotic junk pile of a brain and life has caused me to slowly start distancing myself. I don’t want to lose him. He’s the best thing I’ve got.

On the other hand, I am so weak, broken, disheveled, and vulnerable right now that all I want is to lock myself away with my demons and let them devour me. I know that if I do that if I let them take me, I’ll never come back from it. I find myself longing for someone to hold me so tight that all my pieces squish themselves back together while simultaneously wanting to shove everyone away and never talk to anyone again. I constantly feel like I want to scream my lungs out until I lose every bit of my voice and then scream some more. I feel like I’m never still and never resting. I don’t even sleep well at night because I toss and turn all night, likely from my active mind. I am so drained and exhausted that even the thought of having to face another day makes me cringe.

I don’t understand what the fuck is going on and therefore don’t know how in the hell I’m ever going to fix it. I feel like I’m falling apart piece by piece and inevitably there will be nothing left but dust. The worst part is, I blame myself for every bit of this. I’m constantly in a state of “If I could just be better. If only I were stronger. Why am I such an absolute fuck up? Where the hell did I go wrong? Why the hell is no one answering my prayers?” The only other time I’ve ever felt anything like this in my life was several years ago when I was so depressed and dark that my only friends were the bands I listened to and the demons who came out to play at night. That was such a dark time for me and I so badly don’t want to fall back into it but I feel like something is stomping on my knuckles as I hang on tight to the edge of the pit. My muscles are quivering and my arms are getting weaker by the second. It took so much work and fighting and glue to drag myself out last time and piece myself back together. I only just found myself walking in the sunshine this past year.

That’s just it. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I was getting better. I thought I had overcome my anxiety and depression but then it blew my house down and threw me into the dirt. I feel like I’ve been ripped apart into shreds, put back together, and then beat the shit out of just for fucks and giggles. I’m so lost. I’m so broken. I’m in so much pain and heartache. I don’t know which way is up or if that way is left. I just feel... helpless. I feel like I’m screaming into a crowd for help and the only thing that answers is my own dark and twisted echo...

*Curls into a ball on the floor* I’m sorry if you’ve made it this far... I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to post this... I guess just for some sort of release... I think I’m going to escape into acting for about an hour and then go to bed. Goodnight guys...

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rosepetals-flyingbirds · 5 years

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Coffee Masks.

With: Steve Rogers x Reader.

Words: 1,303.

A day off.

Off of work, off of annoying boss and work colleagues, off!

You had a few days off work thanks to a few extra shifts you did to a friend so he could do yours now.

6 days without stress would do great, and being Friday you stood chilling in your apartment. Waking up at 11am was relishing!

Your cat Duncan was laying in the window getting her daily sunbath.

You ate breakfast with all you deserved and stood watching reruns of your favorite show.

After some time only laying on the couch, you went to shower and washed your hair, shaved, brushed your teeth and placed a hydrating mask on your hair. You made sure of all the locks were paid attention to and placed a plastic cap to ensure better hydration.

You danced back to your room with your playlist blasting on your tv and Duncan stared at you.

That cat.

If hydrating your hair why not enjoy and make a facial mask?

Unfortunately, you didn’t have those expensive ones where people used once and BAMN! Silky skin.

So a mix of eggwhite and coffee powder would do.

You mixed it all in a small ball and applied on your face. You laughed seeing the gremlin staring back at you in the mirror.

Letting it dry and placing an alarm on your phone you walked back to your room to brush Duncan's fur while you waited.

“AHHH!” You jumped and your towel almost fell seeing Steve sat on your bed.

“AH! OH MY GOD!” He yelled back and kept with his eyes wide. “Y/N?”

“Jesus! Steve! You scared me.” You placed your hand over your chest and your heart was ringing in your ears, you made another knot in the towel to make sure it wouldn’t fall.

He kept staring at you with open mouth and you took a couple of seconds to realize why. “What are- Why are you like that?”

You laughed and sat by his side. “I’m taking care of myself.” The words were going out funny since the eggwhite was already drying.

“Ah, uhu.” He nodded but of course he didn’t understand.

“I’m with a mask to make my hair softer and healthy, than with this mask,” You pointed to your face. “To clean my skin, make sure to exfoliate the dead skin, etc.”

He looked back at the door and start laughing. “You scared me.”

“I? You that scared me! Here I was all on my own in my house and then when I go back to my bedroom there is someone on my bed.” You laughed and tried to control your facial expressions.

“Yeah, but I came to surprise you and you were home I thought you would be at work.”

You smiled at him, you two were dating for three months and even if he could show up at your door unannounced he was still busy and would go radio silent in missions. "I’m okay. Stress was killing me so I made a enforce to work a few extra shifts so I could trade with a colleague. 6 days all by my own.” Before he could answer your alarm went off. “I will take it off now, hmm, you will use it too.”

“Me?! Why?”

“Because is nice, and come on, just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean you can’t treat yourself. Come.”

You took his hand and when you reached the bathroom taking your towel off he started to take his clothes off too. You smiled seeing his boxers, you weren’t against the other type of underwear but those boxers were really nice.

You pulled him and he stepped it out of his clothes. Steve blushed slightly and you did too, after all, you were in love so.

Entering the shower you washed your face letting all the powder go and Steve helped with your hair. “Better?” You joked while dried your eyes so you could see him.

Steve was soft and he could always say those cliches phrases that made you roll your eyes but swoon internally, but you admitted you were weird.

“Yeah, I mean, I could get used to if it was permanent but you know,” You laughed and punched his shoulder. You kissed and hugged him, his hands went up from your hips to your cheeks.

Shower sex was dangerous, but your boyfriend had great reflexes and was strong.

After both of your orgasms, you giggled and stood being held in his arms. You were tired after the… work out, but you wanted him to look good too. “Turn around.”

He did so and you washed his hair with shampoo and washed the product out.

You pulled your hair in a towel, used another to dry your body and took a clean one handing it to Steve.

He said something about his hair being dry because of the shampoo but you just told him to wait.

You used the hydrating mask on his hair and he loved the caress.

You placed the plastic cap and made sure his ears were out of it.

He placed the towel around his waist and you two went to the kitchen and made a new mixture to him. It was so funny seeing his hair pulled back in a cap.

“Love, is this safe?”

You mixed the coffee and moved it to make sure it was all mixed with the eggwhite. “Safe?”

“Yeah like… mixing this two won’t make it dangerous for my skin or something?”

“Steve Rogers, you travel the world fighting the bad guys, you fought aliens, you got shot, got hit, got stabbed, almost died drowned, almost died burned! And you are scared that a coffee powder with an eggwhite will make you bad?” He shrugged and you shook your head. “No, it won’t make any bad. Wait, are you allergic to coffee?” He shook his head. “To egg?” He shook negatively again. “Anything?”

“I was to peanut but after the serum I am not allergic to anything.”

“Then it is okay.” You applied in his cheek with your fingers and he gave a little jump at the coldness. “Sorry.” You murmured, you applied in all of him including his lips and when you felt satisfied you grabbed your phone and set an alarm.

Steve started to laugh when he looked at himself in the mirror. You laughed with him and hugged his waist seeing his reflection. “Nat and Sam would have a stroke.”

You giggled and placed your clothes on.

Steve grabbed the hairdryer and helped you in the process. He even brushed your hair in the end.

He took another shower to wash his hair and face and you handed him clean underwear of his you had on your wardrobe -it was comfy to sleep in underwear- along with pants and shirt since he left clothes on your house.

That way when he arrived bloody from missions he could shower and sleep without worry.

After Steve got dressed you dried his hair and smiled at the softness.

“See? Give me your hand.” He did so and you passed it on his locks. “Am I right?”

He smiled seeing your enthusiasm, it was nice being care off. “My skin too, looks really soft. Well, till a have to help someone and get dirty again.” You chuckled and guarded the hairdresser in the bathroom closet.

“Uh I know, cons of dating a superhero, but it’s okay.” You kissed his back and shoulder. “I have enough coffee and eggs. Also… if I go without money we can make a natural hair mask up.”

He smiled and turned around to kiss you softly. “When you will go back to work?”

“Tuesdays night.” You answered between kisses.

“Can I sleep here with you till then?"

You loved when he stayed over, it was... dangerously addictive. “I thought this was obvious.”

Steve laughed and you stared at him, how you loved that man. “I know you’ll have to leave and… save the world, but come back soon and whole okay?!”

“Okay.”

With peace and your loved one by your side, you couldn’t be happier.

…

#steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine

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truthseekerastrology · 5 years

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New Moon Solar Eclipse in Cancer, July 2, 2019: Healing Raw Emotional Wounds…Where Do I Begin? Hey Truthseekers, how are you holding up? It’s been a tough and complicated week since summer in the Northern Hemisphere began last Friday, with the Solstice and now we’re facing our first energetic test of the season with a New Moon Solar Eclipse in the sensitive, nurturing and family-oriented sign of Cancer. Good stuff.  (For now I’m going to set aside the fact that Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Pluto are all in retrograde motion and demanding that we take a hard look at ourselves and the role each of us plays in contributing to the state of the collective - no one is blameless and the sooner we all come to grips with this the sooner we can all manifest the energetic shifts that we so desperately need right now.)  Anyway, back to my original point. Here in Philadelphia, summer is off to a hot and oppressive start; tempers are flaring and no one is comfortable. I know I’m not and all the people who have been hitting me up online to mention that they are going through it, are not. Perhaps that’s a good thing. Why, you may ask? Well, after sitting with this event chart for a minute, I humbly submit that perhaps all of the discomfort is beckoning us to take some action to move us away from the bullshit that we hold on to, that has been holding us back.  The predominant aspect pattern that I want to focus on in this post is the separating square the Cancer New Moon makes to Chiron in Aries. (I’m setting aside the North Node in Cancer as part of this picture because I find that the story concerning the North Node is really about the almost exact opposition it’s making to transit Saturn which is retrograde right now, conjunct the South Node in Capricorn). Sun-Chiron is about healing the wounds to our self-identity, wounds that come from being too controlling or being under the painful grip of someone else’s control and manipulation. Moon-Chiron is about healing the wounds suffered from very difficult (early) emotional experiences. No one likes wounding but sometimes we choose to live with them because we are afraid of exposing them to air and healing them so that we can move on. We are fearful of stepping into the unknown, and it is equally difficult to take full responsibility for our choices and actions, choosing instead to live with that which keeps us in a swirling emotional feedback loop of blame and inaction, and refusing to fully release hat which keeps us emotionally unhealed. Despite our misgivings, it’s high time to beckon the warrior within to come out and fight for the healing we need to move into the unknown, the destined path that involves healthy self-nurturing and emotional connectedness that transcends blood ties. Now in Cancer we are talking about the mother, the family, how we are nourished and nurtured from an early age, our relationship to food and how we emotionally connect to our roots. Perhaps our mothers and families taught us how to be passive, how to be fearful and anxious of the unknown, to choose safety over growth and evolution, and how to comfort ourselves with food and an unhealthy connection to the good old days. Nothing about facing these questions is easy because we are talking about confronting our first caretakers our first teachers, the people to whom we looked to for our sustenance and protection . As Mars winds up its stay in Cancer it’s a good time to use that energy to take a hard last look at these questions, to stop beating ourselves up over what we were taught and to take some important steps forward toward our healing. The fact that this particular energetic pattern is taking place only two days before the 4th of July holiday is no coincidence. We stuff ourselves with food, to push down the tough unhealed emotional material. We give lip service to freedom and liberty for all when we know the truth, that there are children in cages and people - fellow citizens - who can’t even afford to enjoy life liberty and happiness in 2019. The personal is certainly political in this case and this planetary event begs the question: how did we get here? What role did our families and mothers in particular - through their individual programs of nurturing and early socialization and acculturation - play in creating the collective reality we face today? Why have I delayed doing the work to heal the wounds that I know I have but have yet to acknowledge? How do I wound others when I delay doing the work? How am I honoring myself when I duck and dodge the work that I know I need to do? What does it mean to interrogate the (flawed and sometime harmful) ways in which we raised? Transit Saturn (rx) opposing the North Node in Cancer asks us to reflect on the possibility that we are blocking our own path to a new way of nurturing and taking care of ourselves, and each other, because we are so fearful and anxious of releasing harmful past memories and experiences, rather than embracing a rapidly transforming present. As the ruler of this event chart, Pluto (rx) in Capricorn demands that we stand up and take responsibility; that we take our medicine in the form of powerful transformative work that brings us back from the brink of a collective (energetic) death. Pluto wants to kill off or burn off that which no longer is functional. He demands that we pay the costs to be the boss and that starts with owning our shit. No short cuts. Literally. SPECIAL PROMO: I’m offering 30-minute VIRTUAL (phone/Zoom only, the face to face option is NOT available) Cancer New Moon Solar Eclipse readings for $50 on Sunday, June 30th (11am-5pm), Monday, July 1 (11am - 7pm) and Tuesday, July 2nd (11am-7pm), ONLY. All you need to share with me is your complete birth data (birth date, birth time and city/state of birth). I will create a biwheel of your natal chart and the Eclipse chart, and interpret for you how the energies of this powerful lunation will play out in your life over the next 6 months (until the next solar eclipse in December). If you’re interested in booking this special session with me on one of these three days, send an email to truthseekerastrology at gmail dot com with “Cancer New Moon Solar Eclipse reading wanted” in the subject line and let me know your availability so I can get you scheduled.

#truthseeker astrology #astrologers of tumblr #philadelphia astrologers #tarot readers of tumblr #philadelphia tarot readers #new moon in cancer 2019 #cancer new moon solar eclipse #healing arts #sun in cancer #moon in taurus #healing #transformation #pluto retrograde #saturn retrograde #north node in cancer #chiron in aries #burning question reading

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detourque · 4 years

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Tuesday, December 31st 2019

Had the alarm set for 8:30 but hit snooze and lounged in bed until around 11am. Its so hard to get up in the morning when its cold.

Thought crap, I was suppose to have a productive morning, but I did nothing half the day. Looked in the fridge for food. Asked mom how to steam the leftover pork buns in the fridge. Had one for breakfast. Googled around for a sleek angled bob haircut. After I found a few I liked, took the clothes I need to dry clean and drove to the nearby plaza. Turns out the dry cleaner was closed, but at least the barber was open. It was packed. Apparently an hour wait, but figured I wasn’t in a rush anyways. Messaged David about meeting up for lunch sometime soon. Said he’ll bring his wife along too. The barber I had was super friendly. Told me her daughter originally was in the police academy and then decided to study phlebotomy, and that her son is going to trade school to become a motorcycle mechanic. Told her I work for the city and with building code compliance. After I got my hair cut, drove to Target to pick up some stuff. Got what I intended to get: tylenol, storage bin, face towels, and hair ties. Also picked up a blue sweater, underwear, and sheer thigh highs. Went home and was hungry, so toasted some bread to dip with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Also got some dill dauce and smoked salmon too. Mom ended up joining me too. Messaged Shelby, Jessica, and Kavi. Plan on meeting up with Kavi next weekend. Oh, and Brandon invited me to play board games this weekend. Called Vanguard to ask why my deposit wasn’t elligible, turns out they just didn’t know what account to put it into. So I’ll have to mail it back with instructions. Also called BoA and they said they could change my billing cycle closing date in about two months, so all good there. Showered. Washed my delicates. Ironed my clothes. Ate dinner. Dad made lamb and some potato mush. Also ate leftover rice with some curry fish from last night. I really miss Chinese food. Mom said she’ll make sushi tomorrow and I suggested porridge for tomorrow night. Helped put away dishes. Now I’m typing this up. I’m determined to keep this blog at least for a year straight. This time I know to never freakin’ share this blog. Well at least for a year, and only with someone I really trust. That was a big miss on my part previously. Goal is to brush my teeth by 10PM, which is like within an hour. And be in bed by 11PM. Don’t know if I’ll meet that. 2020 is looking to be a really good year.

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zilllionjape · 4 years

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Jape’s Monday (Not) Funday 12/9/19

Last week was something else! Last week was super, duper, mega, super fun! So many noteworthy moments of that week! Loved it!

The week started with a normal Monday and the work day started at 12PM and ended at 8PM. It was a pretty normal workday. Nothing too noteworthy. I tried using ExpressVPN for the first time and it cosy me over a hundred bucks. Thank god there’s money back guarantee, but due to that fact I’m never ever using ExpressVPN again.

On Tuesday it was a time for morning shift! 7:30AM I started the day and ended the day at 6PM! There wasn’t that much noteworthy stuff here, unlike Monday for example. I had fun though! This was a super fun week! And that means my workdays were too!

Wednesday was just a day where I was generally very busy with work. I started at 12PM and ended at 8PM. It was almost a nonstop day with of course one break in-between. First so much office work, and then the night started and my god did it make me tired. I was so tired by the end of the day that I just wanted to drop on my bed and talk to my fiancé on phone and that’s exactly what happened. Also was very happy with how the day turned out to be, how productivw I was. I took a shower later on.

Then we get to Thursday and this day was amazing! It was a workday from 9AM to 2PM. This was a typical work day you’d expect. Just a meeting and food and stuff. Then came our coworkers little party at 4PM (I arrived shortly after 5) and I thought I was gonna be left out or something (this was also maybe the reason why I didn’t fall asleep during Wednesday-Thursday night) and wouldn’t have fun. The exact opposite happened. Just had tons of fun and I don’t remember when I was laughing this much with people. This was an amazing day and just keeps me going even more that I wanna stay and work in this place and my plans aren’t changing in the upcoming months. Then the clock hit 10PM and we had to leave (the room was rented for 10PM) and went to a bar. There I was like an hour, maybe under seeing as a lot of people just went on their own, so I kind of lost interest. Plus, I haven’t really been into bars for like over a year now. Also I wanted to see my fiancé who had arrived home this week on Thursday already. So I go with a bus and I’m completelly drunk and I feel like I’m super annoying, but according to him I was super cute. After we get home, I immediately undress and almost immediately fall asleep. That was my Thursday.

Friday hits like a rock and so does a hangover. But mu fiancé helps me wake up and helps me and buys us a pizza! Thank you soop much! He also had bought soda and chipa! Goddammit I love you! Then we watched WWE Starrcade which was a super fun show (I don’t know why, seeing as there wasn’t really any memorable matches from there). Then we had to go to celebrate my fiancé’s mothers birthday. It was fun and hurtful at times, because at points or another (this is a loud family, keep that in mind) my head hurted a small amount. But we got free treats and cake and everything so that was a win!

This wasn’t over though this week. After we got home, we watched RAW and went to sleep. On Saturday, I had to be at work from 11AM to 12PM then had to return back for work at 5PM to pretty much 5:30PM. That sucked ass. But we watched WWE NXT, NXT UK, SmackDown and 205 Live together that day. Yes we love WWE content! Still have WWE 24 and Total Divas to watch by myself!

On Sunday we finished You vs. Wild show and that is one of the funniest things we’ve seen ever or watched together. Just stupid ass random shit ever.

So that was my week! Lot of text but who cares! I hope to put some photo here too.

That’s a photo of me! From the Thursday party with co-workers!

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justinsdaysinthedark · 5 years

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Post #2 - Thank You

What an overwhelming 36 hours it's been. An endless amount of phone calls & messages of support got me through what was an agonising day of waiting yesterday. This blog was started to keep my family and close friends informed about my journey but it's grown into so much more.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to each and every single one of you that took the time to reach out and wish me the best of luck. A simple message of support may not seem like much to you, but when you're in a situation like mine it means so much. Thank you.

Monday night provided the worst sleep I've had in weeks. Keep in mind, i've had some terrible sleeps in that time! Why? It was nerves. Simple as that. I was nervous for the gastroscopy and biopsy. It wasn't the procedure itself but the anaesthetic side to the operation. I haven't been under since I was five and the unknown had my measure. What if they didn't put me under fully? What if I could feel the procedure? What if I woke up early? What if I didn't wake up at all?

In retrospect, I lost sleep over nothing.

With the little sleep I did have, I woke up Tuesday morning earlier than normal. I was expecting the gastroscopy between 8:30am - 11:30am and knew I was booked in for a Radionuclide Ventriculography (RVG) scan of my heart later that afternoon.

Since being in hospital, 9am has been my regular time to get up, shower, brush the chompers - y'know, get ready for the day of sitting in my little 3x3 room and watching the world go past. Tuesday however, I was up and about at 7:30 - showered and ready. I hate feeling dirty, so if my procedure was at 8:30, I'd be ready to go.

Breakfast rolled around at 8:00 and I had to politely decline it as I was required to fast from 12am for the procedure.

This is about the time when my previous blog post took off and messages started coming in for the remainder of the morning. Before I knew it, it was 11am and nobody had been to get me for my procedure yet. I called the nurse and enquired to which I was told to hand tight, it shouldn't be much longer. Whilst she was around, she did my daily observations and it was no surprise to see my heart rate up to 100+BPM (regularly around 65BPM resting) and a slightly higher blood pressure. I guarantee this was due to the nerves.

Lunch comes around at 12:30 and once again had to politely decline. 12 hours fasting thus far - lucky I don't have an appetite still and honestly didn't care! It was around this time the doctor comes around with the results of my Lumbar Puncture. This fortunately came back negative as there was no major changes to the one I had three weeks ago. White blood cells still present with a marginally higher protein count than normal. I once again mentioned about my gastroscopy or there lack of and the doctor assumed I'd already had it. He said he'd follow it up and get back to me.

Mentally, I'm okay. Still incredibly nervous and a little frustrated I prepared myself for a procedure between 8:30 - 11:30 and still nothing. Your messages of support continue to light up my phone, which certainly kept me pre-occupied and made the time fly by.

Finally! 2:43pm and somebody comes to my bed to pick me up. "Justin Smith for a procedure? Let's go." I mentally build myself up as they take me. With my heart beating the quickest it had all day, we get going. Minutes later, we get into quite a dark room with a single scanner to my left and a glass wall. The radiographer, Liv meets me and goes through the basic questions. Name? Date of birth? Address? What are you here for? "A gastroscopy and biopsy" I reply. A few seconds of awkward silence follows so I split it with an "I think..." hoping to relieve the slight tension.

Liv replies with "not quite. We're here to do your Radionuclide Ventriculography scan of your heart."

My heart dropped. I spent the past fifteen minutes mentally preparing to go under and it's not even for the right procedure; I almost feel robbed!

To give you a brief understanding, the RVG scan involves injecting a small amount of radioactive material into your blood stream where they then track it until it passes through the heart, ensuring the heart is healthy and working as it should to a level that it should. Why am I having this scan? Good question. The doctors wanted to get ahead of the game essentially. Providing the biopsy comes back positive for lymphoma, I will need chemotherapy. The level of that chemo will depend, however if I do happen to require a strong dose, it can have negative effects to the heart. This scan is to ensure they have a baseline reading of my heart and ensure it will be able to handle a high dose of chemo.

This scan took 40 minutes from start to finish and before I knew it, I was up in my ward again. By this time, dad had arrived so at least I had somebody to talk to and reassure me when the time comes to get my gastroscopy.

4:00pm and the time finally came. 16 hours of fasting, I was slightly hungry but by this stage, I just wanted to get the procedure over and done with. I was still nervous, but more relieved the time had come. Having dad there for the hour or so beforehand made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.

The operation itself involved a gastroscopy (camera down my throat into my stomach) and if they could see lymphnodes, get a biopsy to test.

Cutting to the chase, was it worth worrying for 16+ hours? Not at all. All I remember is them checking my blood pressure, putting something in my cannula and asking me to count to 10. I got to 12 and next thing I know, I woke up coughing my lungs up in recovery with a nurse next to me. Luckily, the coughing only lasted for about fifteen minutes and that was just a result of irritating my throat.

Apparently, the gastroscopy went well and they were able to get a couple of good tissues from the lymphnodes to biopsy. Additionally, they also took the following photos whilst they were inside - I have no idea what they're of or even if anything is okay, but I thought they were cool!

For the first 45 minutes after the procedure, I felt fine. I was great! I felt incredibly thirsty and hungry but I assume that was simply due to the fact I hadn't eaten. Things from here turned pretty quickly once I had some dinner and a glass of water. I started to go downhill pretty quickly - feeling incredibly fatigued and tired....essentially dopey. It was from here I knew I just needed to have some rest and I'd wake up better in the morning. Needless to say, I was asleep by 9pm and basically slept through the night...except for when the nurses woke me up at 11pm, 12pm. 3am and 5am.

Waking up this morning (Wednesday July 17th), I instantly felt a lot better than I had last night. Admittedly, I had a bit more of a sleep in than I generally would've - it was great. I use the term 'sleep in' lightly though - it's nothing like a sleep in at home! What was the plan of attack for today? Well to be honest I wasn't too sure. A doctor yesterday mentioned briefly about a bone marrow test however the nurses and doctors on had no idea about one and couldn't see one booked in. I hadn't eaten since the night prior however the nurses got me to fast once again whilst they investigated. As a result, breakfast was staring me right in the face and I couldn't even touch my beloved weetbix, milk and sugar!

The clock ticks over to 10:37 and a Young, lanky doctor comes by. "Hi Justin, I'm Alex and I'll be doing your bone marrow procedure today..." Alex went on to explain the procedure, risks and what to expect. As he finished and started to walk away I had one last burning question. "When are we doing it? Later this afternoon?" "Now" Alex replied.

Woah. Wait. What? Hang on two seconds. I'm not prepared for this. You mean now...as in like, once Alex had finished preparing? You betcha....

Now I was under the assumption I'd be getting knocked out as I had done the night before however Alex proceeded to explain they'll put some medication in my cannula that "makes you feel like you've had four or five beers" as well as some local anaesthetic. No point being worried or scared about it - if it's getting done bedside, it couldn't be near as bad as the lumbar puncture, right? Once again, like I have been for the past few weeks I was completely and utterly wrong.

First though, what's this procedure involve? Basically, blood, white blood cells and platelets are produced in your bone marrow. This can be accessed via key areas of your body depending on your age...for me it was my hipbone - left side to be exact. The aim of the procedure is to get these fresh samples of blood, white blood cells and platelets as well as get a sample of my bone marrow - generally one small sample of the bone.

Alex got me curled up in the fetal position, lying on my right and basically began straight away. A few local anaesthetic needles numbed the surface before he inserted a needle in to collect the blood samples. This part was similar to a lumbar puncture, but I couldn't feel as much internally.

Alex then stated he was starting the bone marrow collection, which was without fail the worst part of this whole experience so far. He used the large needle with a blue handle, which can be seen below.

Alex hit the bone and advised me the next part was only going to tickle a little bit. What's he do? He starts to screw into my bone. Whilst I couldn't see, it felt very similar to uncorking a bottle of wine. Whilst he went in no deeper than 1mm, christ it hurt. The worst part was yet to come. Much like the pressure behind uncorking a bottle of wine, this happened too. Alex yanked the sample out and the pressure and pain was immense! Done. It's all done. Thank goodness. Then Alex said the words I didn't want to hear next. "Y'know what Justin? We want to make sure we only have to do this once, so let's get another sample, eh?"

Oh my lord. Are you kidding me? Whatever. Lets do it. I want to get it over and done with. I don't even think I replied, just mumbled something along the lines of whatever. And thus, the process happens again. I've attached photos of the two samples below, which I thought were pretty cool!

I must admit, Alex was incredible during the procedure. I asked at the start to keep me informed throughout the whole process. I'm quite an inquisitive character when things are happening that I don't know what the process is and this was no different. Alex not only kept me informed, he did as much as he could to keep me as comfortable as I could be during such a procedure. One thing I was incredibly surprised at was how much blood was on his hands!

Not much happened throughout the rest of today to be honest. Courtney, dad and mum came to visit but that was it. The doctors advised they are expecting the result of the biopsy tomorrow afternoon (hopefully) however they said it could take anywhere up to 72 hours from the procedure - which puts it at Friday night or Monday. Where does that put me? Same boat as I have been throughout this entire process - just waiting for answers.

I was advised that the results could come back either negative or inconclusive. Whilst this wouldn't be ideal, it's unfortunately just going to be another roadblock in this venture. In preparation the results don't come back the way we probably expect the, too, I'm booked in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder tomorrow. That will be their next avenue to answers. I suspect this is because my PET scan showed up significant areas in my gall bladder and I suppose that's not exactly a vital cog of the human body...so I suspect they'll just remove it, cut it open and see what's inside. But that's nowhere near a medical analysis of what's going to happen.

Before I finish for tonight, I'll leave you with how I am mentally. How am I going despite all this? Y'know what? I'm actually the opposite to what you probably think I am. I'm in the best mental state I have been over the past six weeks. Why? I think it's because we're close to (hopefully) getting an answer or at least following a more solid path to answers.

I end tonight with a final thank you. Thank you for all the messages and endless love. It's helping - trust me, it is.

Juzz xx

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niall-is-my-dream · 6 years

Text

Light of my Life - Part Six

2600 words

Three car loads was all it took to bring your stuff to Harry's.

You had left behind your sofa, bed and other larger items so that they could be donated to the local charity furniture shop. You'd also boxed up the kitchen stuff and Harry had organised someone to come over and collect it all for you.

Standing on his upstairs landing with a box each, Harry had hesitated. You could see he didn't know whether to bring your things into his room, or the spare room that you'd been staying in with Jacob.

"Um..........." He mumbled.

"How about I stay in the room I'm in for now. See how we go, yeah?" You said.

"Of course." He said, nodding. "I know it's a big change for us."

By Monday afternoon it was all unpacked. You'd officially moved in with Harry.

You were happy and scared at the same time. You knew Jeff had been right when he'd said it would look strange if you weren't living together. A couple in an almost four year relationship, with a baby not living together, would seem strange. You wanted the fans on your side after all.

Moving around the kitchen that evening making dinner, you could feel Harry's eyes on you. You looked up and smiled.

"What you looking at Styles?!" You smirked.

"Just thinking how good it feels to have you both here. I know that we weren't exactly planning on making this step so soon. I mean we only got back together nine days ago. But I'm really happy." He smiled, his cute dimples springing to his face.

"I'm really happy to, nervous as hell, but happy."

"Nervous?" He said, his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, I mean this is a big change, we've never lived together before properly, we have Jacob now to. It's just scary."

He made his way to you, taking your hands in his. Dipping his head down, he nudged his nose against yours and you smiled.

"I'm nervous to, but I mean it, I've never been happier. I'm sorry for everything that's happened. I will spend everyday for the rest of my life proving to you how much I love you."

Closing your eyes, you let how the breath you'd been holding in.

"I love you to H."

He kissed your lips softly, your kisses had been so heated in the last few days, but this was slow and made your stomach flutter. Pulling away a few seconds later, you told him to stop distracting you whilst you cooked and sent him to check on Jacob.

Lying on the sofa that night, cuddled up to him, Jacob asleep across his chest, you felt content.

You knew this was a risk, trying again.

However, you knew in your heart that you owed it to yourself, to Jacob and to Harry to try again. After hearing Harry say to his Mum about how complete he felt with you both, you'd admitted to yourself that you felt the same.

"What time are you meeting your friend in the morning?" Harry asked you.

"11, at GInger and White in Belsize Park. Going to have a coffee and some lunch I think. That ok?"

"Yeah, of course. Was thinking I might head out and look at some cars for you, after I drop you both off."

"Harry....mmm we talked about that. I'm ok without one."

"Fliss, please hear me out. No girlfriend of mine is getting the tube and being shoved about with our son in his carrier. I won't have it. You know what they're like on the tube if its busy. I'm putting my foot down about this. I have the money to do it. "

He was ranting now, but desperately trying not to raise his voice as Jacob was asleep on his chest.

"I know you're not with me for my money, never once in almost four years have you asked for anything from me."

You curved your lips into your mouth to try and hide your smirk.

"Don't laugh at me." He said, noticing your smirk.

"I'm sorry, but you're so funny when you go off on one like this." You giggled.

"I'm not going off on one!" He whispered loudly.

"Yeah, you are!"

He huffed in annoyance, and you giggled again.

"Stop it, it's not funny. Just love you both, that's all. I'm worried about your safety to, once the news of Jacob surfaces. "

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to appear ungrateful."

"Just let me do things for you."

"Ok......I am really sorry."

"You should be." He smirked "It hurt my feelings!"

You hid back your smirk again and cuddled up closer to him.

"Thank You."

"You're welcome."

Harry pulled up by the cafe just before 11am on Tuesday morning, he hopped out and helped you get Jacob's car seat out.

"Just text me whenever you want me to pick you up." He said.

"Are you sure?"

He raised his eyebrows at you.

"You want to start that conversation again?!"

You scrunched up your nose and laughed. "No, wouldn't want you to have to put your foot down again!"

"Alright love, no need to take the piss! Just want what's best for you." He replied smiling.

"I know you do. I'm sorry. I'll see you later. And Harry, please don't get me anything too much car wise."

"I'll get you something practical and safe, don't worry!"

You saw him scoping out the street, it wasn't too busy and you knew he was trying to decide if it was safe to kiss you.

"It's ok, you know. You don't have to kiss me goodbye."

"I really want to though." he said, taking a step forward. He smiled and leaned in to kiss you gently on the lips, before placing a kiss on top of Jacobs head.

You were still grinning like an idiot, as Harry pulled away in the car and headed down the street.

You spotted Lisa at a table near the back as you entered the cafe. You waved a hello and made your way down to meet her.

"Hi!" You said, leaning down to hug her. "How are you?"

"Good thanks, you?"

"Yeah, really good." You smiled.

"I ordered you a decaf coffee and some water, hope that's ok?"

"That's great, thankyou."

You relaxed into an easy conversation with Lisa. You'd met about four months ago at your antenatal classes. She was there with her husband Tim and they welcomed baby Lucas five days after Jacob was born. She was easy to chat to, had a similar job to you and you had lots in common. The conversation never got awkward and she had become a great friend.

Saying that Jacobs Dad was away with work had seemed the easiest way to explain his absence. If she ever found out about Harry being Jacobs Dad in the future you hadn't wanted to mention the model or the breakup. Harry may have broken your heart when he had ended things, but you hadn't wanted his name dragged through the press, that wasn't the kind of person you were and you didn't want to upset Anne either.

She was telling you a story about how Tim has changed a particularly disgusting nappy of Lucas' when you started laughing.

"Yep had similar this morning actually, I honestly thought Harry was going to throw up!"

Lisa was laughing to. "His face was priceless!" You added.

"Is Harry Jacobs Dad?" She asked, as she took a sip of her coffee.

You realised then that you hadn't actually spoken much about him to her. You think she presumed you lived together, however she knew you weren't married. You had only ever met up at the classes or in cafes once a week, you'd never been to each others homes. She knew he worked away a lot, you'd told her he worked in sales.

"Yeah, um about that."

"Everything ok?" She asked, and you could see that you had worried her.

"Yeah everything is fine, I haven't exactly been honest about him with you."

"Oh god, he's not going to prison or something is he?" She asked almost joking, but genuinely worried that she had guessed correctly.

"No, nothing like that, but he will love that you said that." And you both laughed.

You paused for a moment, wondering how to tell her. You had rehearsed a conversation in your head numerous times, but now you were blank.

"Hey Fliss." She whispered, leaning over to hold your hand. "You can tell me, it can't be that bad."

"You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you."

"Fliss, you're worrying me. Is everything ok? You can trust me you know?"

"Yeah, it's honestly not that bad. It's just that he's um....... kind of famous, he's been away on a world wide tour for most of my pregnancy, hence why he didn't attend the classes with me."

Her eyes widened. "Are you serious?!"

You nodded.

"At least my theory about him being in prison isn't true!" She joked.

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

"Well you didn't exactly tell an awful lie, did you? You bent the truth to protect you all I presume?"

"Yeah, his fans are pretty intense. We've kept our relationship pretty private for the last 3.5 years and don't really want Jacobs picture splashed everywhere."

"So a famous Harry hey?!" You could see her mind ticking over as she tried continue about who it could be.

"The only famous Harry I know who's a musician is Harry Styles....."

You smiled at her and she realised she'd guessed right.

"Really?!"

"Yes, but please don't tell anyone. He's really worried about people following me and Jacob and about security and stuff."

"I've seen how fans can get, I won't tell anyone. Are you worried about it? I mean it's not hit the news yet, has it?"

"No not yet, with Harry being on tour and me working, I hid my pregnancy well. Not many paparazzi pay attention to me, so I avoided them quite easily."

"Well your secret is safe with me. Honestly thought you were going to say he was some serial killer who has just been locked up for fifty years!"

You both laughed at her thought.

"Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you!"

"Honestly I was pretty worried for a moment. Come on lets order some lunch."

Harry came and collected you a few hours later, taking Jacobs car seat from you and securing it in the car.

He introduced himself to Lisa, knowing that you had intended on telling her about your relationship. It felt strangely natural to say relationship, Harry had referred to you as his girlfriend last night when you were talking. You were both desperately trying to take things slow with each other, however the last ten days had felt like you'd never been apart and you were both behaving like it had been before the problems had started.

With one hand on the steering wheel and one hand placed in your lap with yours, Harry had asked you about your lunch with Lisa and told you about his trip to the car dealership. He had ordered you a new Audi similar to his and it would be delivered in a few weeks time.

Pulling into the drive at his house still felt strange, the memories of your last visit here when you had broken up suddenly springing to the front of your mind.

*********flashback***********

"Harry!" You called out as you entered his house with the key he had given you. You'd not seen him in weeks as he'd been away on his tour, but with a small break you'd be able to finally spend some time with him. He was still struggling with the events of the summer and you hoped he'd relax a bit and enjoy some down time with you. You'd booked a few weeks off work to be with him, hoping that maybe your relationship would take the next step.

He appeared in the doorway of the living room and you practically ran towards him. His embrace was weak and you pulled back to look at him. Hearing a noise from the direction of his office, you could see Jeff pacing around on his phone. There goes your afternoon of sex, although to be honest you hadn't been feeling that great for a few days.

"Fliss, can we talk?" He said in almost a whisper.

"Um, yeah sure." You replied, walking into the living room and taking a seat.

He didn't make eye contact with you, he just sat next to you nervously pulling on his lip.

"Are you ok? Has something happened?" You asked, suddenly worried that someone was hurt or worse.

"Yeah, sort of. Um.........I'm really struggling to manage everything at the moment."

"I know you are, that's why I took a few weeks off work so that we can relax a bit. Plus we've got Christmas in a few weeks, your Mum is looking forward to seeing us."

"I'm um....... not sure I can manage a....... relationship and my career at the moment." He said, not looking at you.

In that single moment, your heart broke.

After nearly three years together, this was how he was going to end it.

You could feel the bile rise up in your chest, tears threatening to fall, but you kept it together. Anger, hurt, despair, confusion. You just couldn't understand it. You'd been chatting on the phone just yesterday before his plane left for his return trip.

You sat frozen as you tried to digest what he had said.

Slowly you opened your hand, carefully you unhooked his key from your key chain. You stood and his eyes finally looked up at you. Placing the key on the coffee table you held your head high and walked out the living room, not looking back. You caught Jeff's eye as you walked passed Harry's office, your expression was blank and Jeff looked at you confused before you walked towards the door, slamming it hard as you left his house.

The heartbreak you had felt led you to spend your two weeks off in bed. With Rachel away with work for the two weeks, you could wallow away in your room without being bothered. Harry had been excessively calling at your flat every day, ringing the door bell over and over again. You put your ear phones in and ignored him, he eventually gave up after five days. When Rachel returned from her trip, she didn't even mention Harry to you. You weren't close and to be honest she didn't like him coming over, as she didn't want the wrong people finding out where we lived.

You had hoped that Harry would want to move in with you and you could finally move out of Rachel's. She was just a friend of a friend that had a room to rent in her flat, it was ideally located for work and in a really nice area.

It was only when you ventured out to the corner shop a week after Harry had ended things that you realised how late your period was, 8 days to be exact. Along with milk and bread you'd added a pregnancy test to the basket. Plus a copy of The Sun newspaper that had a picture of Harry with a Victoria Secret model on the front.

When the two lines appeared on the white stick, you sobbed.

Looks like you were in your own. Harry had found his way back to the girl you'd had your suspicions about all along.

**********

Taking a deep breath as you got out of the car, you realised how far you both had come since that heart breaking day.

Harry had been seeking help and talking through his issues, he was back to his old self now. You were more positive about the future than you had been in a long time.

"What's with that look?" Harry asked you. A look of concern on his face.

"Nothing, just happy to be home."

A massive smile appeared on his lips, his dimples that were your total weakness, beamed from his face.

"Me to love."

Next part

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/179001835293/light-of-my-life-part-seven

#Harry #Harry styles #dad Harry #Harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfction #Harry fluff #Harry angst #solo Harry #Emily writes #one direction #1dff

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