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carpetbug · 7 months

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what are ur fave songs for each character and WHY. ANALYSIS

omg thank u we’re in love now 😽

I have not updated these playlists in a while so a lot of them are songs i listened to in like 2020 lmao, heres a few from each :)

Marinette

Into the unknown (frozen 2) - original and cristina vees cover make me think so hard about marinette its crazy. her initially refusing to be ladybug, insistent that she couldnt do it but always coming back because she desperately wants to test those waters, see what shes meant to do and how it could change her.

Ladybug

Ribs (lorde) - how easily overwhelmed marinette gets and how her anxiety and stress almost force her to overthink every aspect of her life. I can see her getting this extreme tunnel vision where she cant see all the progress shes made, all the victories shes already had, and instead can only focus on how shes not doing enough, and its not fast enough, and its not good enough. it just really reminds me of how badly she wants to prove herself to be this strong and trustworthy hero, but she feels like shes losing herself as she grows and isolates herself more and more in the role of guardian and ladybug.

Adrien

Mamas boy (dominic fike) - he literally IS the mamas boy. what more can i say. also alludes to him being a sentimonster with the lines "when i was born, you were produced", "i wish i was a toy", "youre made from plastic im just blood".

Chat Noir

First love/late spring (mitski) - ok hear me out. how chat compensates for his family life with devoting himself to ladybug. "one word from you and i would jump off of this ledge im on" is exactly how he operates with her, being ready to throw himself in front of her, literally die for her if she ever said so. and she never does! she gets upset with him for doing it over and over! i just think this song depicts really well how chat noirs goal was always "do whatever I can to help ladybug, no matter what i may lose" while she had to watch him leave his life in her hands like it was nothing.

also including ships because obviously i have playlists for all lovesquare sides + other ships i’m silly about

Ladynoir

Show Yourself (frozen 2) - both the original and cristina vees cover (WHICH IS SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO IT RN) remind me so hardcore of ladynoir. the whole idea of ladybug finally coming to terms with showing chat who she truly is and being ready for the same from him, idk i can imagine an entire movie in my head of ladynoir reveal to this song. [fav lyrics: "I can sense you there, like a friend ive always known", "I have always been a fortress cold secrets deep inside. you have secrets too, but you dont have to hide", "you are the answer ive waited for all of my life"]

Blame (air traffic controller) - this is probably one of my all time favorite songs like fucking ever and tbh i can see it with all lovesquare sides but i feel like ladynoir is the best fit! Chat picking ladybug up when she falls down and constantly being there to remind her she was to get up and fight, theres no time to sit and pity and blame herself, and he wont let her. him being her voice of reason as she copes with losing almost everything to monarch, him grounding her and being one of her biggest motivations to go on! with how severely marinette overthinks and doubts herself, he just becomes a mantra of 'dont blame yourself' which she desperately needs [fav lyrics: "Dont blame yourself cause you tried as hard as hell with the hand that you were dealt", "get on your feet, enough 'poor me', if you got time to bitch and whine then theres still time to try again", "And the vultures they are circling overhead, theyre reminding me of choices from my past"]

Peach Scone (hobo johnson) - makes me think of early seasons ladynoir ;-; chat just being head over heels for ladybug, struggling with keeping his love platonic when he wants to be with her and know her. Also getting to kinda hear his side of ladybug saying shes already in love with someone, how he respects that but still is a bit of a flirt, and hides how much it hurts him. also i love hobo johnson. [fav lyrics: "She kinda loves him back, but not really, theyre just really good friends and thats fine, he understands, its rational", "Oh, you got a man? are you in love? so, what type?", "So i fall to the ground, collect myself and get ready to take over your heart or atleast your spare time"]

Talk to me (cavetown) - i am such a sucker for ladynoir comfort. the idea of them being there for each other at their lowest points, holding each other together. This whole song just makes me think so strongly of chat comforting ladybug when shes breaking down and needs someone. [fav lyric: "ill be here until youre okay, lets your words release your pain, you and i will share the weight"]

Could have been me (The struts) - GOD. THIS SONG. ITS SO LADYNOIR CODED TO ME. them hyping each other up!! keeping each other going!! being each others motivation to keep getting back up and fight!! i just love the idea of them constantly being there to pick each other up and remind them of what theyre fighting for. i could listen to this song forever i love it. I can also really hear "I cant hear you, I wont fear you" being a supportive call and response thing with them <3[fav lyrics: "I wanna taste love and pain, wanna feel pride and shame", "Don't wanna live as an unsung melody, i'd rather listen to the silence telling me i can't hear you, i won't fear you"]

Understood (leith ross) - i am a huuuuuge fan of leith ross so obv i love this song for ml. it just makes me think so much of a worn down, tired, sad chat just gushing and crying to ladybug about how he doesnt understand love, how his family dynamic impacts him, and just letting himself fall apart in her arms. and her relating! her feeling that same tiredness and guilt and ache about love and family and friends, how much invisible pressure is hanging over both their heads and only they understand it. [fav lyrics: "ill visit my family in living rooms that dont get cold cause blankets and body heat cant be compared when it only took you a week to grow old", "Im sick of attachments I recently learned I cant relax and im scared of myself, scared for my health, tell me youll take me back home", "im sick of the feeling that nothing will ever stand still"]

Struck by lightning (sara kays, cavetown) - this song just really makes me think about ladybugs devotion to chat. i just imagine chat being out in the middle of a storm at night and marinette seeing him from her window and joining him as lb to comfort him. her knowing hes not going to go inside, so she just sits and stays with him, insisting if hes going to get soaked and cold and possibly hit by lightning, shes going to do it with him. [fav lyrics: "If you don't respond, I'll put my shoes on and lay down on the pavement next to you if we get struck at least we'll make the news", "What a way to go out something this town will forever talk about the two kids who were laying down and struck by lightning in front of your house"]

She wants me (to be loved) (The happy fits) - literally early seasons ladynoir. she wants me! (to be loved). i think it just perfectly fits how in love with lb chat is and how its clear she cant give that to him. [fav lyrics: "so, you say you love me, but not the way I need, things are so close to what i want to be", "I cant stop feelin, i want her love but all my dreaming is not enough. so in the morning the sun will rise and ill wake up and she wont be mine", "why cant you love me here tonight?"]

Adrinette

I do adore (mindy gledhill) - marinette being head over heels for adrien and being her normal clumsy self. Falling over, rambling, making a huge fool of herself while adrien watches, completely oblivious to her crush. this song just really reminds me of how much marinette struggles with keeping herself calm around adrien, how shes always messing up words and doing the wrong thing, but he never freaks out at her and he never shames her for it. [fav lyrics: "when youre near i hide my blushing face and trip on my shoelaces", "Ive noticed youre remarkably relaxed and im overly uptight, we balance out each other nicely" "Tongue-tied, twisted, foot in mouth, i start to stutter ha-ha-heaven help me"]

Just a friend to you (meghan trainor) - early seasons adrinette <3 adrien being so painfully oblivious while marinette is struggling with balancing being his friend and her overwhelming feelings for him. [fav lyric: "so it breaks my heart when you say im just a friend to you cause friends dont do the things we do"]

Silly girl (chloe moriondo) - listen to this song rn! its so perfectly adrinette! its crazy! how marinette romanticizes adrien and kind of puts him on a pedestal at the beginning which leads to her ignoring how he doesnt fit into that idea shes molded of him. Her having to deal with the pain of being in silent love with him while he seems so far away, and turning that back around to use against herself. i just think it explain really well how marinette saw him in this perfect, unattainable bubble before they got closer and she realized he was nothing like his public image of perfection [fav lyrics: "im just a silly girl in a stupid dumb old world and he is perfect cause hes supposed to be", "he is perfect, unlike me, and how could i ever think that it was meant to be? and how could i ever think that anything was made for me?", "I made him perfect, cause i wanted him to be"]

Small (chloe moriondo) - this was originally intended to relate more towards marinette, but listening to it now with season 5 in my head it just screams adrien! how suddenly he falls for her and he cant get her out of his head! how in just a blink of an eye he is getting flushed when talking to her, hes wanting to be near her and talk to her, he wants to be with her! but shes pulling back from him and hes sort of unable to balance these new feelings AND respecting her boundaries because shes just the only thing he thinks about. i love simp boyfriend adrien. she fell first but he fell harder and no one can convince me otherwise [fav lyrics: "but im not used to dealing with feeling like im waisting your time", "ive never cared so much about avoiding overstepping, and when i think about you i forget about my hands" "endlessly try to make you smile cause whenever i see it my knees always get so weak"]

The one that got away (acoustic version - katy perry) - I am a mess over this song. i always imagine it as a post-reveal scenario in which something happened and ladybug lost chat in the fight against hawkmoth and found out he was adrien right as he died saving her. how badly she misses him and cant stop thinking about how he was the love of her life! having to go on living the rest of her life without him! shes unable to move past it and just spends her time thinking of all the things shed do if she still had him. in another life, they could still be happy together [fav lyrics: "we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world", "talk about our future like we had a clue, never planned that one day id be losing you"]

"Do you wanna be friends?" (leanna firestone) - Marinette breaking her own heart by having such a close friendship with adrien while being in love with him and knowing she cant do anything about it. Her desperately trying to convince herself she can be okay with a life with him as a friend and nothing more when obv she cant bc ouchie! her heart! [fav lyrics: "Do you wanna be friends? i mean, i wanna be more, but if friends is how i get to have you then sure", "The world wont end if you dont love me even if it feels that way"]

Marichat

If i could tell her (dear evan hansen) - i feel like this is a classic marichat song. like its been a marichat song for a hot minute but its still so them. chat comforting marinette about feeling like adrien doesnt notice her! and listing off things adrien 'told him about' and slowly realizing he does actually pay attention to all those small intimate things marinette does! he feels such a strong need to make sure marinette understands how important she is to adrien, and realizing how deep the disconnect between them two is [fav lyrics: "If i could tell her how shes everything to me but we're a million worlds apart and i dont know how i would even start", "And what do you do when the distance is too wide?"]

Drive (halsey) - i love this song for the idea of marinette and chat suppressing their feeling for each other because theyre 'supposed' to be in love with adrien and lb. for me it kind of paints a mental image of hangouts and games and memories between mari and chat that slowly become these intense, almost upsetting silences and tension. Just them desperately ignoring how deep their feelings for each other truly go and insisting everything remain surface level [ fav lyrics: "All we do is think about the feelings that we hide, all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign", "Your laugh echoes down the hallway, carves into my empty chest, spreads over the emptiness. its bliss", "Overanalyze again, would it really kill you if we kissed?",]

Comfort crowd (conan gray) - this song just really makes me think of chat being at a really low point and trying to hide it from marinette so he doesnt burden her with his emotions and baggage, and her just seeing right through it. Like hes smiling and trying to wave it off and she just knows hes not okay, and he just breaks. Ultimately it makes me think of chat turning to marinette for such deep and intimate comfort that purely comes from him being with her. just knowing hes safe to hold onto her and cry and shell be that company for him. [fav lyrics: "this hurt that im holding's getting heavy, but imma keep a smile on my shoulders til im sweaty", "my breaths getting short and im unsteady, welling up in tears as i lay upon your belly", "Telling you im fine I dont really need nobody, but you say through a sigh that i said that lie already", "and even if i cry all over your body, you dont really mind say you like your shirt soggy"]

Lost in you (khai dreams) - i love the mental image of just such relaxed, fluffy, soft, marichat dynamic in this! chat slowly realizing hes in love with marinette and getting lost in every aspect of her. maybe not being able to entirely admit its love, but still being able to admit he has such a deep and sincere admiration for marinette that he feels is returned in a way he doesnt feel from ladybug [fav lyrics: "Im just looking for some mutual love but all i get is unrequited", "Cause i dont even know I dont know why, all your love im trynna find im so lost in you, in all that you do"]

Something there (beauty and the beast) - i enjoy a good disney song every now and then! its just so marinette and chat slowly falling for each other and being like "nuh uh... wait.. wait a minute.." and then falling headfirst in love with each other, and unable to communicate it. But both of them feeling this sudden new and strange spark between them, things slowly changing, becoming more and more personal and slowly beginning to accept that things have changed [fav lyrics: "And now hes dear, and so unsure, I wonder why I didnt see it there before", "and when we touched she didnt studder at my paw, no it cant be, ill just ignore, but then shes never looked at me that way before", "True that hes no prince charming but theres something in him that i simply didnt see"]

I'd have to think about it (leith ross) - another leith song bc THEYRE SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO ALL THEIR MUSIC RN anyways some angst a lil :) a future where marinette/lb and adrien/chat somehow got torn apart after the reveal and lost contact for. a hot minute. and when they've found each other again its chat finally finding marinette, in a new home, with a new family, and a new life. but they both know who each other are and marinette having to cope with knowing she would drop everything to be with him again. anyways. brain food. [fav lyrics: "but if you come to me, in my home with my three kids, if you asked me to leave, to be with you and split, well id atleast have to think about it", "and if you come to me when ive promised to commit, if you told me that you loved me and asked me for a kiss, well id atleast have to think about it", "you are my achilles heel, the weakness only I can feel"]

Come around (peter mcpoland) - THIS SONG MAKES ME SO GIDDY FOR SOME REASON!! makes me think of like chat picking marinette up from her balcony and taking her on rides, showing her (what he thinks shes never seen) a brand new side of paris and getting to bask in the warmth and light she radiates with him. 'shes looking at the pretty lights, i cant stop looking at her eyes' type shit. just him being so so down bad for her. [fav lyrics: "Ive noticed you pull the blinds back when you hear that im driving round", "i dont mean to cause any trouble, well maybe a little if thats allowed"]

Animal (neon trees) - this song also makes me so !! the vibes are so playful and fun and flirty while the lyrics are more intense. just really reminds me of how surface level marinette and chat keep things, flirting and teasing and just enjoying each other, and then as soon as things get more serious it comes down to a life/death type feeling. but still longing for each other! they know it just hurts and they cant but they want to! they both love and hate the way their relationship feels suspended in the air, in that it gives it a rush of uncertainty and playfulness but it also brings serious fears and pain. i love this song a lot for them [fav lyrics: "I do it everytime, your killing me now and i wont be denied by you, the animal inside of you", "hush hush the world is quiet, hush hush we both cant fight it, its us that made this mess, why cant you understand?"

Ladrien

Dixie boy (april smith and the great picture show) - i have to admit i dont think a whole lot about ladrien but! i am a sucker for jealous/posessive ladybug like claiming adrien for herself and adrien jsut being like. yep. okay. i agree. cause her ass is petty enough to like makeout with him in front of chloe just to really rub it in and adrien is like yippe!! my super hero bug gf loves me! while ladybug is so >:) do not ever touch my man [fav lyrics: "Cause like a soldier defends his land well i stand up, i get up, i defend my man", "Well i know the way that you girls operate so keep your hands to yourself and your eyes on your own plate. Its not nice to stare, dont make me come over there", "Im a lover, not a fighter, and i dont want to have to get rough. just warning you ahead of time I can be a bitch when it comes to my stuff"]

Bad ideas (tessa violet) - both adrien and ladybug just being such lovesick nerds for each other <3 ladybug trying to fight the urge to kiss him when theyre together, and adrien doing anything he can to keep her near him. they both know its a bad idea, to just stop trying to keep it all contained, but its so tempting to just say fuck it and indulge the bad ideas. atleast for a little [fav lyrics: "But i just wanna see the grooves between your hands, your teeth, oh, tell me do you think about me?", "So why'd i wanna kiss you even though i miss you, guess i just wanted to know what it would feel like"]

Her (eery) - how much adrien thinks about ladybug. just all the different ways he dissects her personality, their memories, every little bit of information he knows about her. i just feel like this song, while simple, just really encapsulates how constantly ladybug is on his mind. i miss that dynamic damn

YOUTH (troye sivan) - ladybug and adrien running away together. fuck it. literally think about it. them just being in love and together and adrien finally getting out of that HOUSE and getting to be with his LADY and be happy. How deeply devoted to each other they would be, and although naive, they would be so sincere and literally ride or die for each other.

Roman holiday (halsey) - i love the idea of ladrien having those small, important firsts together. putting aside not being able to be completely honest with each other, adriens entire family dynamic, everything, and just saying screw it and dating and doing couple things! theyre both too scared of what might happen if they slow down and face reality, so they ignore everything outside of themselves. they both have that ache of knowing its not real, its not how they can actually live, but for now they get to be happy. and in love. and with each other. and theyll deal with all the heartbreak later [fav lyrics: "didnt know where we were running to but dont look back", "and we know that were headstrong, and our hearts gone, and the timings never right"]

and my other playlists

Chat Blanc

ANTI-HERO (SEKAI NO OWARI) - i will do my best to put my emotions towards chat blanc into comprehensible words but i make no promises. i love him so much. anti-hero gives like him turning his back on being a hero just for marinette, being okay with being viewed as evil hated because hes doing it for her! his distaste for the rest of the world in comparison to mari/lb ! how he lost his moral compass and doesnt understand the ways hes hurting her and himself by turning his back on being chat noir! god its so good [fav lyrics: "im gonna be the anti-hero, feared and hated by everybody, im gonna be the anti-hero so i can save you when the time comes", "cause there are people that ive got to protect and if you get in my way youre dead"]

I am damaged (heathers) - you caught me im a theater nerd but literally this song is so good for chat blanc! him coming to the realization the only way to save mari/lb is to destroy himself. him saying goodbye and making sure she understand that she was his everything! and he trusts her to fix the mistakes he made because shes his lady! and her not being able to talk him out of it and just having to say goodbye [fav lyric: "wish youd kiss me then youd know i worship you, ill trade my life for yours and once i disappear clean up the mess down here"]

Blah blah blah (the oozes) - reminds me of the trauma marinette gets from chat blanc, how she suffers nightmares and just cant stop being reminded of the horrible fate her partner suffered through. how marinette just cant go back to 'normal' after fighting him but also cant confide in anyone about it [fav lyrics: "you couldn't care less for the people youre hurting, there no excuse", "youve ruined the color blue for me, im surrounded by a deep dark sea"]

Anytime you smile (JT music, Andrea storm kaden) - kind of how i imagine chat blanc kept himself going while being isolated for all those months. coping by pretending ladybug was still with him and nothing was wrong, but slowly feeling uneasy and letting reality creep in. it shows how desperately he fights against his loneliness and pain with day dreaming, but still loses his mind. [fav lyrics: "anytime you smile baby you know you drive me wild, crazy! thats why you got me screamin, i think i might be dreamin", "believe me if im sleeping, i wanna keep on dreaming", "Someday soon this honey moon might be gone though, i hate goodbyes. I might not love you still, youll find no tougher pill to swallow (open your eyes)", "I stepped into a nightmare when i woke up from utopia starting to remember my depression and my phobias, why is everybody looking at me like i lost it?", "How can i be happy here? guess ill just pretend to be!" "no more sadness in this beautiful world, in love with happiness shes a beautiful girl!")

Mr bright side (the killers) - IM SORRY?? "it started out with a kiss how it did end up like this?" AND YOU DIDNT THINK THIS WOULD BE ON MY CHAT BLANC PLAYLIST?? thats really it for some reason this song is just so chat blanc to me. i love it.

Bad bad things (ajj) - im also a big fan of just bonkers insane scary chat blanc, him losing his humanity and only being able to see it reflected in mari/lb and not being able to stand it. him not being able to control his more violent ideas and losing himself in hurting others [fav lyrics: "So i looked into your eyes and i saw the reflection of a coward that you and i both hate very much", "If i dont go to hell when I die i might go to heaven but probably not"]

Akumanette

Dumb dumb (mazie) - i love the idea of an akumanette that just LOSES it on her friends after lila does some real stupid shit. none of her friends standing with her or supporting her and marinette getting so so upset and frustrated that they would be dumb enough to fall for it! which, being akumatized, of course wont come out the wrong way and is warped into this monstrous idea that marinette sees them as these morons who have disappointed her time and time again [fav lyric: "disappointment takes us by surprise even though by now i think we should have realized everyone is dumb"]

Class fight (melanie martinez) - god I LOVE AKUMANETTES THAT LOSE THEIR SHIT. lila putting distance and uncomfort between her and adrien (pre relationship) before marinette catches them kissing and get akumatized, and then marinette wrecks her shit :) her inner voice of reason feeling so horrified with the brutality and trying to get herself to realize but being able to deny monarchs voice encouraging her to act on her worst instincts [fav lyrics: "she had a boy wrapped around her finger tight, i fell in love with him but he wasnt in my life", "Her face was fucked up and my hands were bloody, we were in the playground things were getting muddy", "my one true love called me a monster"]

Bust your kneecaps - johnny dont leave me (pomplamoose) - i think this one really works well with an akumatized ladybug! her being so soft and scary to chat, chat blanc style, while promising to do horrible things to him. akumabug trying to convince him to 'just stop fighting' and 'hand over his miraculous' and then 'everything will be just the way it should be' and finally giving up and working instead to defeat chat rather than convince him

Therefore i am (billie eilish) - cold, angry akumanette FOR THE WIN OGH her just being such a silent but deadly akuma, her voice devoid of all the love and kindness it used to have when she was with adrien/chat, and him having to fight her while she shows no mercy. I just love the idea of chat doing anything he can, crying and begging marinette to fight it and come back to him and she has no pity for him [fav lyrics: "Get my pretty name out of your mouth, we are not the same with or without", "Did you have fun? i really couldnt care less and you can give them my best but just know im not your friend"]

Pretty privilege (blegh) - marinette being shown time and time again that the worst people will get away with horrible things, while she has to suffer beneath them and getting fed up. her letting all her feelings rise to the surface about how ugly she thinks people can truly be [fav lyrics: "Its crawling from underneath the surface nobodys first choice kind of ugly", "just because somethings pretty the laws dont apply to them have you noticed this shit its so ugly"]

Other friends (cristina vee cover) - i live for crazy akumanette losing her mind on everyone! what can i say! i love the idea of her confronting her friends and lilas lies in such a angry but playful way before losing her shit! and the added bonus of it being MARINETTES voice?? im screaming [fav lyrics: "What did she say about me, what did she say?", "Im the loser of the game you didnt know you were playing", "life on the line, winner takes all, ready or not lets begin!"]

Marigami/Kagaminette

She (dodie) - kagami fighting against her feelings for marinette because of their friendship, because of adrien, because of her mother, and because shes scared to admit she loves marinette far beyond how friends should. I love her just gently pushing that line, asking herself that question of "what is so wrong about it?" and working to accept that the pain and heartache are real because her feelings are [fav lyrics: "Could it be wrong when shes just so nice to look at ?", "id never tell, no id never say a word and oh it aches, but it feels ugly good to hurt"]

Sophie (black polish) - marinettes feelings for kagami! wanting to freeze her time with her, relive every moment they've been through and just experience the world by kagamis side. just how desperately they both need each others time and space, how comforting it is to just be with her. [fav lyrics: "youre impossible to read and thats fine, i dont even understand my own mind", "I just wanna escape the world sophie with you, with you, with you, with you"]

and an added bonus: i LOVE the song Bruno is Orange for kagami. reminds me of her so much.

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mr-president · 1 year

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what is fear and hunger it looks cool

CW: gore, blood, and body horror; some spoilers for F&H 1 and Termina

It is very cool!!! Fear & Hunger is basically an indie rpg that reimagines historical “turning points” in a lovecraftian horror aesthetic. Counter to other indie rpgs (like undertale or omori), F&H revels in its ethereal, gorey beauty:

The gameplay further sells the “horror” aspect of the game by being extremely punishing—one missed line of battle text or failed coin flip, and you could be sent right back to the beginning of the game with nothing left. Not to mention, items in the game are few and far between, randomized to add that extra level of difficulty. The enemies are challenging as they are terrifying in design—everything about this game screams “horror.” If you want to learn more abt F&H’s incredible game mechanics, SuperEyepatchWolf already did a video that goes in depth abt it:

youtube

For me, other than its mechanics, what makes F&H so good are its characters, particularly in F&H: Termina. There are 14 main characters and 8 playable characters, but each are distinct from one another and even if you don’t play as all of them, all 14 are bound to make an impact in your run.

For example, one of the biggest shocks in the game is when Tanaka, the salaryman, inevitably dies in your first run. He’s not a bad dude, in fact, he’s probably one of the kindest characters in the game. He’ll put himself in danger to give Olivia, the botanist who cannot walk), a wheelchair, and he’ll help you out if you’re an idiot and get stuck in a well.

But his sudden death (be it beheaded by bonesaw, being shot by German revolver ocelot, or transforming into a lovecraftian monster after being driven to insanity) shows how the world of F&H is indifferent or even hostile to average people. Tanaka’s death is often the first wake-up call to the legitimate cruelty of F&H; very easily his fate could be yours or another character’s.

Which makes it all the more remarkable when you somehow do keep Tanaka alive and he forms a friendship with Marcoh, the boxer, and Marcoh teaches Tanaka how to fight! And if you fight Tanaka after this, he’s legitimately stronger.

If Marcoh mutates into the Monster, Tanaka will be nearby, but rather than being kind of a pathetic little bitch, his resolve is steel and he wants to avenge Marcoh for the gods’ injustice against him.

And this all happens OFF SCREEN. Without much player input (aside from keeping Marcoh and Tanaka alive).

And there are many of these interactions (Marcoh and Olivia, Marina and Levi, etc) where the player is rewarded for keeping characters alive via unique interactions keying into their personalities/philosophies. I haven’t even discovered them all, but each party talk and playthrough reveals more and more abt these characters. And in a game where knowledge is so essential, that’s beautiful.

F&H 1 doesn’t have explicit character interactions, but what is there is fucking hilarious. Cahara the Mercenary, will ask Ragnvaldr the Outlander not to “destroy my anus with those big muscles of yours” when they fuck on a ritual circle. When you get thrown into the primordial green soup, you find Enki the Dark Priest in a random hole in the ground, and instead of acknowledging that, he just spits lore at you before rejoining your party.

Moonless, a dog that looks like this

protects the little Girl in this hellscape. This game is just as committed to its gameplay as it is the characters living through this hellscape, and that’s why I love this fucking game.

You have to be a masochist to play it, but god dammit is it worth it to see these silly little characters have their silly little interactions, being human in the face of absolute terror and starvation.

This answer is probably completely deranged and nonsensical, but hope it helps? :3

#fear and hunger #fear and hunger termina #feel free to rb with your own additions i’m bad at explaining things i like #mr president interviews

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the-delta-42 · 5 months

Text

Pulling the Trigger

Marinette nervously bit her bottom lip; her new school was a boarding school just outside of Paris. Kaalki had agreed to help her get back to the city in the event of an Akuma attack. She’d been forced to change schools after Adrien had gotten her a meeting with his father, Gabriel Agreste, one of Marinette’s idols. In the meeting, Gabriel had torn into Marinette’s designs, belittling them and mocking her choice of style, before tearing into Marinette as a person and her effects on his son and then, quite coldly, informed her that she would never have a future in the fashion industry and if she was ever near his son again, he’d be sure to have her behind bars.

So, here Marinette was, sitting in a hallway, waiting to be called into a classroom full of strangers. No pressure.

PTT

A blonde-haired girl with tanned skin, called Allegra, pulled Marinette through the halls, talking at a mile-a-minute and introducing Marinette to other students along the way.

“Claude, Allen!” Yelled Allegra, waving at a light-skinned boy with brown hair and a dark-skinned boy.

“Who’s this?” Joked the light-skinned boy.

“This is Marinette Dupain-Cheng!” Said Allegra, making the dark-skinned boy choke on his drink.

“That designer you’re obsessed with?” Asked the boy, as Allegra nodded eagerly, “I’m Allen, this wannabe magician is Claude.”

Marinette waved nervously.

“Sorry, we’re not used to being in the presence of a celebrity.” Said Claude, grinning, “Speaking of, what are your next designs like?”

Marinette winced, “It’s not, I’ve, erm, I’ve kinda been black-listed.”

The three froze.

“Um, can I ask by who?” Asked Allegra, her voice strained.

“Gabriel Agreste.” Responded Marinette, as Allegra sighed in relief.

“Oh, phew, for a moment I thought it was someone relevant.” Said Allegra, “The Gabriel Brand has really gone downhill lately, it doesn’t help that the new model keeps making Adrien look uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, she’s always like that,” Said Marinette, folding her arms, “trust me I went to school with them.”

Allegra froze, and then started squealing.

PTT

Adrien’s leg bounced as he waited for class to start. His father had spoken to him last night about how he had issued a restraining order against Marinette, as well as blacklisting her. He’d made a similar announcement at a social dinner with other fashion designers and members of the elite. His father didn’t like the fact he’d been laughed out of a room.

“Hey, dude!” Greeted Nino, Alya and the rest of the class behind him, “How were your holidays?”

“Could’ve been better.” Said Adrien, glumly.

“How’d things pan out with Marinette?” Asked Alya, smirking slightly.

“Terribly, my father issued a restraining order against her and black-listed her.” Answered Adrien, glaring at the table, “All because Lila claimed Marinette was a stalker and was crazy.”

“Lila, said that?” Asked Alya, in disbelief.

“She practically gloated about it at the photoshoot, actually,” Said Adrien, looking around for Juleka, “Juleka, I need to borrow some of your makeup.”

“Why?” Asked the Goth, frowning slightly.

Adrien pulled back his sleeve, revealing crescent-shaped scars all along his arm, “Lila got handsy and refused to let go.”

“Didn’t anyone do something?” Asked Rose, tears gathering in her eyes.

“They did, but father,” Adrien spat the word out like it was a curse, “refused to listen to anyone but his precious little Lila.”

Alya looked Lila up on her phone, dread filling her when the only result was her interview and Lila’s social medias.

“The lying bitch.” Said Alya, collapsing into her seat, “Marinette told me, and I didn’t think to check!”

Adrien glared at the table, trying to set it on fire with his gaze, “Father’s lost two of his biggest sponsors because of this.”

Alya frowned, just as Lila walked into the class.

“You guys aren’t going to believe what Marinette did to me!” Whimpered Lila, as everyone in the class glared at her.

“You mean telling us about your lies?” Snapped Alya, burning holes into Lila’s head.

“I’m not a liar!” Gasped Lila, her eyes darting to Adrien with a silent command to defend her.

“What?” Scowled Adrien, glaring at Lila as well, “If you’re expecting me to defend you, that deal only worked while Marinette was still in school.”

Lila gaped like a fish, as Adrien leaned forwards, “You do know that lying to my father made him lose two of his biggest sponsors? The Cheng’s and the Ricca’s cut their contracts immediately. The thing is, they had a little clause in their contracts that should their partnership with my father was ever terminated for whatever reasons, he would have to pay back every penny they gave him?”

Lila continued to gape, before clearing her throat, “Well, my mother is a Ricca, they’ll be back in the fold soon enough.”

“Lila, they’ve started proceedings to claim the mansion and they’re claiming all the bank accounts in my father’s name.” Stated Adrien, “Your lies have practically cost my father everything.”

“What’s going to happen to you?” Asked Nino, breaking his glare form Lila to look at Adrien.

“Father’s been under investigation, and I’ve been moved into a temporary home.” Shrugged Adrien, leaning back in his chair, “I’m not getting my hopes up about anything yet.”

Lila went pale, if Gabriel went under, she could kiss her dreams of being rich, famous and wanted goodbye. Lila’s eyes darted around the room, before she scarpered out and started to make her way home. Perhaps it was time for a fresh start somewhere else, somewhere far away from this mess.

PTT

“I can’t do that!” Protested Marinette, as Allegra stared at her with starry eyes.

“Please?” Begged the girl, forming a pout, “I can ask him for modelling tips, and you can just happen to be in the classroom?”

“That would only succeed in getting you in trouble, Allegra.” Said Felix, a blonde-haired, grey eyed boy a couple seats away from them. Marinette felt she’d met him before.

“Oh, please, Felix,” Sighed Claude, “just because you can’t meet Kitty section doesn’t meant I can’t meet Adrien Agreste.”

“Ms. Dupain-Cheng, Ms. Grey, Mr. Cadabra, Mr. Ricca, please be quiet and face the front.” Said the teacher, making the four flush.

“Sorry.” They all muttered and focused on their books.

The name Ricca niggled in the back of Marinette’s mind, trying to remember where she’d last heard it. Her Nonna’s maiden name was Ricca. Marinette’s mind screeched to a halt, and the girl’s head snapped up and stared at Felix.

“Is there anyone in your family called Gina?” Marinette asked Felix, making the boy look up.

“Yeah, my great-aunt, she travels around the world, why?” Responded Felix, as Marinette gaped at him.

“Her surname wouldn’t happen to be Dupain, would it?” Questioned Marinette, leaning forwards.

Felix frowned, before he made the connection.

“Holy shit.”

PTT

Candence Ricca jumped when the phone went off, she quickly checked the caller ID and frowned when she saw it was Felix.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Asked Candence, before quickly pulling the phone away from her ear.

“Why didn’t you say Great-Aunt Gina had family here?!” Demanded Felix, making Candence sigh.

“Rolland doesn’t want to be part of the family, Felix-” Felix cut her off.

“No, not him, Aunt Gina’s son and granddaughter!” Said Felix, making Candence frown.

“I thought they were still in China.” Mused Candence, as the dog ran behind her, chasing the cat.

“Marinette’s attending my school!” Said Felix, making Candence freeze.

“Felix,” Said Candence, her tone serious, “Keep Marinette with you, I’m coming to you.”

“Why?” Asked Felix, confused at his mother’s tone.

“Because we’ve been operating under the assumption that Marinette and her parents died in that plane crash.” Growled Candence, before hanging up.

Candence grabbed her coat and walked out the door towards her car.

PTT

Marinette stared at Felix’s phone. She and her parents were believed to be dead? But they weren’t. They were alive. Weren’t they? Marinette pinched herself, wincing as her nails dug into the skin on the back of her hand. Nope, definitely not dead.

“Any idea what that was supposed to be about?” Asked Felix, looking at Marinette.

“This is the first I’ve heard of being dead.” Shrugged Marinette, frowning, “Unless everyone’s actually dead and this is the afterlife.”

“The afterlife fucking sucks.” Said Felix, before looking at his phone, “Should we head outside and meet her, or should we just wait for the wardens to collect us for death row?”

Everyone stared at Felix.

“Boy, you’re a freak.” Said Claude, after a moment had passed.

The sound of squealing tyres made them look towards the window, a woman with brown hair and forest green eyes all but charged out of the car, while a chauffeur calmly started reading a book.

Felix shrunk slightly, Candence was tall and boarder line intimidating and the impassive expression on her face was usually reserved for the paparazzi. Candence stopped in front of her son and looked down at the, ridiculously, short girl next to him. A familiar pair of blue eyes stared back up at her.

“Marinette?” Murmured Candence, frowning.

“Hi?” Marinette gave a small wave.

Candence grabbed her face and looked either side of Marinette’s head. After letting Marinette go, she turned to Felix, “Wait here.”

Marinette and Felix watched Candence stalk over to the school’s receptionist. A moment later, both of them were in the back of the car Candence arrived in, while Candence was snarling down her phone in Italian. Marinette prided herself on how much Italian she’d learnt from her Grandmother, but now she was silent in shock at the number of profanities coming from Candence’s mouth.

The car came to a stop and Candence hopped out and stalked into a building. Marinette paled that the bakery, before sinking into her seat in an attempt to hide from any passers-by. Felix idly watched his mother speaking with one of the bakery’s owners, a short Asian woman who looked confused. His mother’s posture relaxed, before she calmly made her way back to the car. Opening the door, she gestured for Felix and Marinette to get out. Marinette rushed into the bakery as fast as she could, in an attempt to avoid being seen.

“Marinette?” Asked Sabine, as Felix and Candence came in after her.

“Hi?” Marinette waved.

“What’s this about?” Asked Sabine, looking at Candence, “I’m not sure I understand what you meant when you said we’re ‘supposed to be dead’.”

“You were in a plane crash, ten years ago.” Said Candence, “The majority of my family were under the impression that you, Tom and all five of your children were on board.”

Marinette frowned, “What do you mean ‘five’? The only siblings I have are Michael, Skye and Toby.”

Sabine groaned, before locking the Bakery door and leading the group upstairs.

“This is going to take a while.” Muttered Sabine, as they entered the apartment.

PTT

Adrien shifted uncomfortably as Chris ran around being chased by the twins. The rest of the class were scattered around the living room, Chloé was hugging her legs to her chest, in an attempt to prevent either Chris or the twins from touching her.

“Why are we here again?” Complained Chloé, getting scowls from most of the group.

“Chloé, you weren’t invited, you just followed Adrien here.” Said Alix, leaning back against the sofa.

Chloé huffed, but didn’t say anything.

“We’re here to figure out how to get Adrien’s dad to withdraw the restraining order and blacklist on Marinette.” Said Alya, “She’d do the same for us. Now, we need to focus on what Lila said to him and how we can disprove it.”

Meanwhile, across Paris in Gabriel’s office, Gabriel was fighting off an incoming headache.

“The Chengs and the Riccas are willing to come back to the table if you reverse you decision on Dupain-Cheng’s restraining order and Blacklist status.” Said Nathalie, standing by the door, “It would seem your attempt to akumatize her has failed. Again.”

Gabriel groaned, but Nathalie found she had little sympathy for him, “There’s also the matter of Mlle. Rossi, she’s at risk of being sued for defamation and/or slander by a number of parties. A number of Gabriel employees have now come forward and have reported that Mlle. Rossi has been harassing Adrien during the photoshoots.”

“Release her from her contract, as get M. Hayworth on the phone.” Grumbled Gabriel, as Nathalie sent the various messages off.

“Today couldn’t possibly get any worse.” Muttered Gabriel, taking his glasses off and looking up.

PTT

Hector frowned at the letter in his hand. He’d just posted his notice; he was getting too old to deal with the mayor and having to cave to his whims and wants. He hoped Arthur would accept his request.

Contrary to popular belief, he didn’t tolerate Bourgeois, any of them. He only bowed to their wishes because otherwise the school’s funding would ‘mysteriously’ get cut. But, Arthur’s school was independently funded. It had a lot of wealthy doners, preventing Bourgeois from taking full control of the school for their principle. Hector knew he wasn’t a good man, evidenced by his handling of the Dupain-Cheng-Rossi incident. He acted to hastily, due to the fact that Rossi was shaping up to be another Bourgeois. A headache within a migraine, within another migraine. Hector ignored the pain in his chest, putting his proposal to Arthur in an envelope, before getting to his feet and walking out of the school to find the nearest post box.

PTT

Marinette choked on her drink as she saw the headline on the common room tv.

Local Paris School Principal found dead

Marinette quickly located the remote, before turning up the volume.

“Don’t be bemused, it’s just news,” Said Nadja, to the camera, “Earlier today, Hector Damocles, Principal of College Francais Dupont, was found dead near the Eiffel Tower. Police are not treating his death as suspicious, and believe it to natural causes.”

Marinette stared at Damocles’ picture before it faded away as Nadja moved on to other topics she had to cover.

PTT

Arthur Coleman frowned down at Damocles’ letter to him. The Academy had been looking to expand its reach, as well as find an appropriate campus for ‘day’ students. He decided to put the letter to the side and bring it up at the next governors meeting.

PTT

“Don’t be bemused it’s just news,” Marinette idly listened to the TV in the common room, as she scribbled in her sketch book, “earlier today, Gabriel Agreste, Head designer and owner of the ‘Gabriel’ brand, formally ‘Papillon’, has declared bankruptcy. This occurred after two of his main investors unexpectedly withdrew their support after nearly twenty-five years. Neither Gabriel Agreste nor the investors were available to comment.”

Marinette stared at the TV, before Allegra dropped down onto one of the sofas, “Didja hear the news?”

“You know, you have the powerful ability to chew and swallow before you speak.” Said Felix, snapping his book shut, “But of course, you have to get the first word in, as always.”

Allegra chewed a couple of times, before getting up and walking over to Felix, crouched down to they were level and opened her mouth, showing him the mess of chewed food and saliva, “Blegh!”

Marinette internally groaned, before resting her head against her sketchbook. Claude and Allan were greeted to Felix trying to hit Allegra with his book, with Marinette curled into a ball with her hands over her ears, nursing a headache.

PTT

Adrien stared down at the pile of paper in front of him, “You mean I own everything?”

“More or less.” Said M. Hayworth, “The house, the company, practically everything your father had been using.”

Gabriel scowled as Hayworth spoke.

“If he hadn’t made that ridiculous restraining order, no one would’ve known.”

“Oh.”

“As it stands, your father made illegal modifications to your property, as well as some other, far more serious, charges.” Stated Hayworth, “Mdm. Sancoeur has volunteered to look after you while this matter has been settled.”

“Okay, what were the other charges?” Asked Adrien, making Hayworth sigh, before he cast a dark look at Gabriel.

“It came out that your father has some…connection to Hawkmoth.” Revealed Hayworth.

“What the fucking shit?!”

PTT

Ladybug skidded to a stop on the roof of the police station, before looking up at the detective, “Sorry, I’m late. I had to sneak out of my dorm.”

“You’re in university?” Asked the detective, getting a wince from Ladybug.

“No, I’ve started to attend a boarding school.” Answered Ladybug, rubbing her arm.

“And you’ve snuck out and come here,” Said the detective, slowly, “on a school night?”

“You, erm, you said you had a lead on Hawkmoth.” Excused Ladybug, looking up at them.

“Gabriel Agreste had been allowing Hawkmoth to use modified areas of his home as a lair.” Said the detective, “He’s been cautioned and is currently being questioned. We’ve also made sure to confiscate everything he had on him, minus his clothes and glasses.”

“And you want me to go over the stuff and see if any of them are a miraculous.” Stated Ladybug, getting a nod from the detective. “Okay,” Sighed Ladybug, “let’s do this.”

PTT

“Settle down.” Yelled M. Coleman, looking out at the sea of students, “SILENCE!”

Everyone went quiet, allowing M. Colman to continue, “As everyone knows, the foundations beneath our school has started to degrade and, as we are a private school, we lack the funds to repair it.” Coleman took in the faces of the students in the first few rows, “Which is why we are entering a partnership with College Francois Dupont, allowing us to continue your education while were repair and decided what to do with this campus.”

Some muttering broke out amongst the students.

“As of January, everyone will be attending Dupont.” Said Coleman, “We have been allocated dorms by Dupont, so that any students who live further away from Dupont will still be able to attend and keep with any groups they may have made or joined.”

The muttering started up again, as Coleman walked away from his podium, talking quietly with another member of staff.

PTT

“So,” Said Allegra, looking up at the school, “I guess this is the last time we can look at the dump before we go to your old stomping ground.”

Marinette hummed, “Part of me doesn’t want to go back. I haven’t been in contact with my friends there, I didn’t want to find out if they’d agreed with Adrien’s dad. I mean, I know they probably didn’t, but I didn’t want to take that risk, and I didn’t know if the restraining order covered allowed me to contact them, since there were around Adrien so much.”

“Being scared is normal,” Shrugged Claude, playing with his deck of cards, “unless you’re Felix, who has no emotions.”

“Say that again and I shove those cards right up your-” Felix was cut off by Allan clearing his throat, “rear.”

The group silently looked up at the school.

“Two and a half years.” Said Allegra, suddenly.

“What?”

“It’s been two and a half years since Marinette came here.” Answered Allegra, wistfully, “It’s been a fucking ride.”

“You can say that again.” Muttered Allan, before picking up his bag, “I think I can hear the bus arriving.”

“Thank god, I’m freezing my tits off.” Shivered Allegra, getting a snort from Felix.

PTT

Tom helped Marinette carry her bags into the apartment above the bakery, with the latter making sure she didn’t walk into anything. Marinette blinked as she tried to adjust to the darkness of the living room, after placing her bag on the floor, she reached out for the light switch and clicked it on.

“SURPRISE!” Everyone yelled, making Marinette yelp and jump a foot in the air.

All of Marinette’s former classmates, and the friends she made at the boarding school stood in front of her.

“The, the ‘surprise party’ trick,” Gasped Marinette, “is for birthdays only.”

“No, it isn’t.” Disagreed Alya, before throwing her arms around Marinette, “I’ve missed you girl.”

Marinette gingerly wrapped her arms around Alya, “Me too. I’m, I’m sorry that I haven’t been in contact with you.”

“Allegra explained everything, with the whole restraining order and phone troubles you’d been having.” Said Alya, “Adrien’s had his lawyer rescind the restraining order, but I think they’re attempting to use it as evidence in his dad’s trial.”

Marinette winced, before glancing over at Adrien, “Yeah, I heard about that. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not.” Chirped Adrien, his hair streaked with green, “I brought a copy of the restraining order. And a cigarette lighter.”

Marinette gave Adrien a small smile, before the sound of someone choking got her attention, “Allegra, you're supposed to chew before swallowing.”

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #lila rossi #rose lavillant #juleka couffaine #chloe bourgeois #gabriel agreste #nathalie sancoeur #original characters #Delta Writes

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imminent-danger-came · 9 months

Note

Who do you think will try and help MK grapple with the issue of being the harbinger of chaos? (Obviously all his friends, but who would play the biggest role?)

Considering that some of the next season will presumably take place in the underworld, and that he‘s the only one who actually KNOWS about it; Macaque is actually a decently strong contender imo.

Which would be really fun- they‘re one of my favorite duos (MK is a bitch exclusively to Macaque and I love him for it) but I‘m holding out hope for some Sandy/Pigsy!

Since the curse of the scroll called them monstrosities, and they both seem to have lived with that kind of discrimination they would also have experience with figuring out your own identity despite it.

So them unknowingly helping MK when their past is revealed sounds fun!

And the MK‘s mental health takes a turn for the worse again in the special obviously. We can‘t have him become to stable after all!

Also, (sorry if you already talked about this before) What connection do you think the curse has to MK? If I‘m not misremembering anything he is the only one where it said 'we' (unless MK was in denial about something). Everybody else was 'you', but MK also accidentally said "we help people!". Even in the curses final scene it says "then prove us wrong." Us being the curse and MK, since he did end up believing what it said.

Do you think there is actually some credence to the curse calling MK the harbinger of chaos? Or is it just saying what MK is feeling since he caused so much damage on accident? Is MK being that harbinger actually destiny, or more something along the lines of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Answering this ask with another, because both kinda go into the same thing with the curse/memory:

So, in my dreams, Sandy is the one to help MK cope with his Monkey Demon identity for reasons I go into in this post (of course I want Mei to be the one to talk MK down initially, but as far as post-breakdown goes Sandy is my top contender—which those two work together to comfort MK a lot anyways, like in 2x06 and 3x04). But, if we had a Pigsy/Sandy tag-team duo while also going into their pasts, that would be awesome! Literally couldn't ask for anything more.

Macaque could also be interesting, being the one who was there for MK in 4x09 and 4x10, but he's also already given his advice: MK doesn't only have two choices, and nobody can decide who he is for him. But, well, the curse (who I think is undeniably part of MK) was the one who gave MK the title of "harbinger of chaos"—it wasn't anyone else. MK essentially gave himself that title. This would be a super interesting way for MK's arc to go, if it's headed this sort of direction, where MK can certainly decide who he wants to be, but what if he doesn't believe in that person, you know?

((Of course Macaque can offer up more advice, I'm just not sure Macaque advice is what MK needs right now.))

Next on the agenda: whatever the fuck MK is.

So I have this collection of screenshots where I highlight MK's weird connection with the underworld throughout the seasons, and I specifically want to call attention to the scroll emanating from MK not once, but both times he enters the scroll:

Bonus Shot of MK as part of his reflection motif, where his face lines up with the skull on screen:

MK: "Again!? Remind me how this 'game' is supposed to convince me I'm not destined to turn into an evil monkey demon thing again? Cause every option I pick takes me to this, same, screen!"

(4x10 The Jade Emperor) (Every option MK picks leading him to the same end? I'll take foreshadowing for 500!)

Which, the skull in the TV is very similar to LBD's skull in the Demon Revealing Mirror from 2x02:

All this to say: the Curse/the scroll and MK are connected somehow, meaning I'd take a gander that MK is also connect to memory in some form.

MK: "You're not my friend—you're NOT me!" Curse MK: "Sure I am! I'm your best friend, well, closest at least! I know more about you than you'll even admit—to yourself, or to others."

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

I think you could make the argument (which I'll probably write a full-fledged theory post on at some point), that Lady Bone Demon's original power source for her mech was MK, then switching to the Samadhi Fire later when that comes into play. LBD in ROTSQ, s2, and s3 threatens to erase the memory of Wukong/the world/Macaque, which is something that is notably absent in the s3 special. MK (plus maybe Wukong) being the original power source would help to explain why LBD wanted MK (+ Wukong) all throughout s3, and why she didn't immediately go ahead with her plans. She only says "Now, I will undo the memories of this world!" when she's confident that she has both the staff and MK. If MK were a being related to memory, using him as a power source could be a real possibility for how LBD originally planned to erase the memories of the world—then moving to the Samadhi Fire to create a "clean slate" when that became an option.

Now, although it's based entirely in conjecture, I do think MK potentially has the power to "rip the memory of people from this world". We know so little about what MK actually is that a lot could be possible!

ANYWAYS.

When it comes to "is MK destined to become a harbinger of chaos or was it just the curse echoing his own doubts", I think it's both! After all, there's "a reason [he] was at the center of all these stories, a reason [he] can harness the power of the Monkey King himself!". We don't know that reason yet, but I'm inclined to believe that it's because MK is connected to the underworld/the scroll/memory in some way, like I've mentioned. However, I also think MK's own flaws and self-doubt will contribute to his walk down destiny lane, and MK will put on his own chains so to speak.

One of the major contributing factors of MK's arc has been his own lack of belief in himself (in contrast with his total belief in his friends), so that HAS to be resolved eventually. When it comes down to it, that's at the core of his character—it's why he can feel he's both too weak and too strong across seasons and still feel distinctly like MK. So, that same lack of belief is probably going to be what drives his decent into the role of "harbinger of chaos"—that and a number of other things I'm sure. His friends, Monkey King, his identity, his responsibility, destiny—it's all gonna culminate somewhere.

Plus these eyes haven't turned up yet,

(they also show up in MK's 4x03 vision), and we don't really have any concrete explanation for what the curse was/is, or why MK specifically was the one who could destroy it ("It wasn't in my power—it was in yours."; but maybe Monkey King could have finished it off after it had been weakened?).

There's a lot of arc left and a lot of things we don't know!

#me writing this post: and I will add another link here for my own enrichment!#this post is kinda eamk to the left #hope my thoughts make sense!#I am. INCREDIBLY sleeply rn as I finish this #asks #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk theory #eamk theory #monkie kid #lmk MK #I wouldn't be surprised if MK only removed the curse on the section of the scroll of memory Azure had #long post

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katsushika-division · 3 months

Text

— Random Street, Middle Of The Division, Katsushika Division —

“Goddammit! Do we have to fucking do this? It's not our damn problem! Let them run wild!”

“Orders are orders Rintaro.”

“I fucking get that but aren't there shitty teams trained for this shit?”

“Chuohku wouldn't waste their resources when it would be easier to send us.”

“Bitches.”

“Hisa-chan! Rin-chan!”

“Hm?”

“What?”

“They're here!”

...

…

...

20 Minutes Earlier…

— Death Row Block Residence, Near Outskirts, Katsushika Division —

[The members of Death Row Block were gathered around in the living room. Akihisa was sitting in a recliner reading a novel while Touya and Rintaro sat on the couch watching an anime on the TV. It had been a quiet day for them so far. Perhaps a bit too quiet...]

Rintaro: So do we have anything fucking planned for today? Or are we just doing fuck nothing?

Touya: What do you mean? What’s today?

Rintaro: It's our team anniversary you dipshit! Ya know when we formed our division?

Touya: Riiin-chaaan quit being mean to me~!

Akihisa: Stop fighting you two. Now, to answer your question Rintaro, I'm making a special dinner for the event.

[All three men quickly turn their heads as they hear the door being opened, revealing Akari with a serious expression on her face.]

Akari: Turn on the news now.

Rintaro: Akari?!

Akari: Don't you guys know? It's a shitshow out there!

[Rintaro, grabbing the remote, quickly turned the TV to the local news station. To their surprise, the Katsushika Maximum Correctional Facility was being broadcast on the channel. However, the biggest shock was that it seemed to be on fire when a chunk of the building's wall was blown off. Waves of prisoners are seen escaping from the building. The screen then changes to Deputy Prime Minister of Japan, Ichijiku Kadenokoji.]

Ichijiku: Citizens of Tokyo! The Katsushika Maximum Correctional Facility has been attacked! The guards have been incapacitated, and nearly all the prisoners have escaped. Citizens are ordered to remain locked in their homes. I repeat citizens are ordered to remain locked in their homes!

Rintaro: What the fuck?! Where was this for us? Also, who the hell stole my shtick? Blowing shit up is my thing!

Akihisa: Rintaro, be quiet! I'm trying to listen!

Ichijiku: Akihisa Mashiro! Touya Kisaragi! Rintaro Himura! By the direct orders of Lady Otome Tohoten, you are ordered to apprehend all the escaped prisoners! Report to the center of your division now!

Touya: Did I hear that right, or is my mind messing with me again?

Rintaro: Nope I fucking heard it too. Goddamn some of the worst criminals are loose on the street, and they want us to catch them? Fucking hell.

Akihisa: You two get ready, we leave in 5 minutes. We don't need Kadenokoji to get angry enough to set off the bombs.

...

…

...

20 Minutes Later…

— Random Street, Middle Of The Division, Katsushika Division —

[Akihisa, Touya, and Rintaro stood in the middle of a random street as the city of Katsushika descended into madness and were unfazed by the chaos around them as they watched several people run past them in fear. They could see from far in the distance the light from several fires. Above them several helicopters circled in the sky.]

Rintaro: I haven't seen anarchy like this since I blew up Aoyama. So have they mentioned what the fuck happened?

Akihisa: From what I was told, it was an inside job that went completely off the rails. Only a certain few criminals were meant to escape.

Rintaro: But someone fucked up and nearly all the prison is out free causing a riot out on the streets. Now Chuohku wants us to clean this shit up.

Touya: I hope Dr. Minazuki is alright. She was always nice to me.

Rintaro: I hope that asshole Serizawa got beat. Fucking bastard.

Akihisa: Alright, you two quit playing around and pay attention. Chuohku managed to close all the exits, leaving Katsushika before any of the prisoners managed to spill over to the other divisions. Now, the prisoners are being forced to the center of the Katsushika to our current location. Our mission is to knock them out for them to be captured.

Rintaro: You say that as if it's going to be fucking easy old man. That's a few thousand prisoners.

Touya: *counts with fingers* That's a lot.

Akihisa: *shrugs shoulder* Perhaps for you two but I’ve faced worse during my hitman days. My advice is don't get overrun so quickly.

Rintaro: Fuck you, Old Man. That helps with shit.

Akihisa: There isn't much advice I can give for the situation Rintaro. We’re being thrown into the flames right now.

Rintaro: Don't tell me shit about fire Old Man! I know fire-

Touya: Hisa-chan! Rin-chan!

Akihisa: Hm?

Rintaro: What?

[Without answering, the deranged serial killer simply pointed in front of him, causing the other two to look at what he was pointing at. In front of the three men were a large number of prisoners, all prime and ready to attack. The men simply looked at the group for a few seconds before sliding into a fighting stance.]

Akihisa: Are you two ready?

Touya: Ready~!

Rintaro: Let's just get this fucking over with.

[All three men take out their mics and activate them. Their speakers rising behind them.]

Bring The Beat!

[Death Row Block:]

Ramming through this car chase, give me the mic

This is my way, I dive into danger

You’re my obstacle, get out of the way

We are Death Row Block, ramming straight through

Ramming through this car chase, give me the mic

This is my way, I dive into danger

You’re my obstacle, get out of the way

We are Death Row Block, ramming straight through

[Akihisa:]

A maestro of death appears

Perfecting my craft for years

Even from here

I can feel your fear

Tell me who lives? Who dies?

Will anyone mourn your demise?

Only God can answer that

Now, enough with the chit-chat

You were foolish to be brave

So lie in your grave

And wait for a hellish upheaval

Made by this trinity of evil

When we step on the battlefield

Your fate will soon be revealed

This is your epilogue

Perfect for a worthless dog

[Death Row Block:]

We’re not holding back, come on!

Well crush you, come on!

Now shut your trap

Katsushika Style

We’re not holding back, come on!

Well crush you, come on!

Now shut your trap

Katsushika Style

[Rintaro:]

Chemicals fill the air

Anarchy incoming beware

But hey, now don't combust

How about some angel dust

Welcome to ground zero

No place to be a hero

But consider it an honor

Katsushika’s very own mad bomber

Gracing you all with a verse

Spitting curse after curse

Hotter than hell, a scorching fire

A pyromaniac's unleashed desire

Going wild on a spree

Demons have nothing on me

Ignis runs this stage

Burning it in a rage

[Death Row Block:]

We’re not holding back, come on!

Well crush you, come on!

Now shut your trap

Katsushika Style

We’re not holding back, come on!

Well crush you, come on!

Now shut your trap

Katsushika Style

[Touya:]

Why you goddamn prick

Happy I sucked your little stick

Falling for my trick

Thinking I was another chick

Lips finishing you off with a pop

Drinking every last drop

You say I'm scum?

Funny, I just made you come

One person’s cheeky minx

Is another’s deadly jinx

Just ask a certain bird

I’ll get the last word

A desire to tear you apart

Revenge for my broken heart

“I love you?” What a lie

Just go fucking die

[Death Row Block:]

We’re not holding back, come on!

Well crush you, come on!

Now shut your trap

Katsushika Style

We’re not holding back, come on!

Well crush you, come on!

Now shut your trap

Katsushika Style

The flow of Katsushika is the strongest argument

It’s more intense than you could ever think

A one-hit K.O, Katsushika showcase

Hey! We’ll wipe you out without a trace

The flow of Katsushika is the strongest argument

It’s more intense than you could ever think

A one-hit K.O, Katsushika showcase

Hey! We’ll wipe you out without a trace

The flow of Katsushika is the strongest argument

It’s more intense than you could ever think

A one-hit K.O, Katsushika showcase

Hey! We’ll wipe you out without a trace

The flow of Katsushika is the strongest argument

It’s more intense than you could ever think

A one-hit K.O, Katsushika showcase

Hey! We’ll wipe you out without a trace

Happy Anniversary Death Row Block!

#hypnosis microphone #hypnosis mic #hypmic #hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #katsushika division #death row block #akihisa mashiro #touya kisaragi #rintaro himura #katsushika style ~don't make us laugh~#death row block 1st anniversary

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chordsykat · 11 months

Note

Would it fall into spoiler territory to ask the what where when why and how about Eden’s super sheltered persona? Those ask prompts with Eden’s answers seeming so oblivious to the world has me curious! Of course, if spoilers they be, feel free to say no!

This is a whole can of worms, and you guys will learn a bit more about her as Dethkomic goes on -- so I won't spoil too much of what isn't already out there...

However, there are things that I can totally reveal right now, and especially as it pertains to how I wanted to develop her...

That said, I'll put a cut here in case even that amount of spoiler is too much. :)

When the past scenes in Dethkomic are taking place, Eden is somewhere around 10 years old, I'd guess. Charles' hostel manager, Emily, says this:

Most readers guessed correctly that she was referring to Eden. Also, extra kudos to those of you who pointed out the secret bio-weapon Lars Luder was developing goes by the name "Project Dragonfly", which indirectly references her - the dragonfly being her totem animal.

Eden was orphaned at a young age under mysterious circumstances. The letter in the panel above says "The sisters", implying she was under the care of some sort of Catholic-run orphanage/school at the time. I am not sure if it's important enough for me to explore how she came into Orpheus and Valentina's care, but if you recall these panels from earlier:

...Dr. Necrophagist was fresh out of college then, and it seems Project Dragonfly had perhaps been abandoned, according to Charles' informant. And he wouldn't lie.

...unless he was trying to throw him off the trail... Which, hey - Orpheus seems to have managed to find himself as one of the girl's primary caregivers these days. Sure that's just a coincidence, though... right? Regardless, Lars Luder having a vested interest in the prophecy would seem to imply he's wise to the idea of Eden (potentially) being a piece to that particular puzzle. And as you'll see in the coming pages, he was right to think so.

Luder is one rich bitch, and he funds Eden's upbringing up to (and past) the day he dies. While alive, he seems to throw his whole existence (including his family) away on pursuing things like magical girls with super powers, insane experiments, and recruiting armies of people to become his followers. It's quite ironic, considering who he turns out to be, actually.

But then, that's a story for a few updates down the line. And Eden grows up in various institutions until coming fully under Orpheus and Valentina's care. By then, she's not only been revealed to be magically endowed as a healer, but a gifted guitarist, too. Orpheus finds himself as obsessed with The Prophecy(TM) as Lars once was, and you know the minute he finds out all of that research has been pointing to Dethklok playing a pivotal role in it all, he is going to start hatching a plan to get close to them. Luckily, a certain opening act just happens to be looking for a replacement guitarist so they can continue their tour with the boys, right around the same time.

All that said, Eden's not really treated as anything more than a convenient way to gain access to Mordhaus. Had she not shown any skill on the guitar, in fact, it's likely Val and Orph would have dumped her and moved on to trying to get Dethklok's attention, by themselves. They're clearly not impressed with her healing magic the same way Lars was, and by the time they all pack up for Mordland, it's probable they're not betting on her being connected to the Prophecy at all.

So you have this girl who has grown up with no real parents, passed around from place to place, possibly experimented on, treated like a lab animal, definitely sheltered away from much of the outside world, and suddenly given an amazing opportunity to not only tour with the biggest band in the world - but for the first time ever, have real friends and a life of her very own outside of four sterile walls (and the very occasional visit to the park and, I'd wager, out-of-doors at large)? I mean, there's culture shock, and then there's untangling indoctrination, and then there's what Eden's going through - which is kinda like finding out water is wet for the first time. :D

I've said it before, but it bears repeating: All of the girls in Baen-Shee play this sort of opposite-but-equal part to their reciprocal member of Dethklok. Eden and Toki may be the most up-front of them all, I guess. They're both the youngest members of their bands and are in a band for the very first time - both have a sort of "secret badass" thing going on - both have some real trauma to work through when it comes to things like isolation, rejection, the world at large and profound loneliness. Even the thing with Toki "killing" things and Eden healing them is the same, in a way. They both speak to the same "entity" (death). Their messages are just different, is all.

The author, too, admits to taking Eden as more utility than person, sometimes. Remember the Baen-Shee quiz? This answer to this question is "the Eden one":

Anyway, I'm guessing that was more than you wanted to know. :) Actually, it might be none of what you wanted to know, hehe. Either way, it was fun to sit down and write about Miss Nightwish for an hour, and I'm always happy to spout on and on and on when you guys want to know more about my characters. I very much appreciate the question, Anon, and I promise - there's SO much more to come. :)

#eden nightwish #baen-shee #mtl #mtl oc #answered

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cadaverousdecay · 1 year

Note

hiiii leaf hi helloooo !!!!!! (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡ this is a free space to tell me about your favorite fictional characters from any type of media and/or where you would like to live if you could live anywhere. im bored and you always have interesting things to say <3 (no pressure 2 answer this. its just in case you feel like talking to someone)

hiiiiii nico!!!!! jumping up and down like a kitty cat <33333

well i really like the character spike from buffy the vampire slayer. looooove characters who were meant to show up for a few episodes then die, but instead became a fan favorite and got put on the show as a regular and end up as the most beloved character to a good portion of the audience (see also castiel supernatural and barnabas collins dark shadows)

[spoilers for buffy ahead]

but yeah spike is great, he came onto the show as this badass punk vampire who loves his vampire wife with the most gothic devotion imaginable. cuz at heart what motivates spike and always will is his passionate love. he is self described as “love’s bitch”

anyway, when the fan response gets back as being crazy abt this evil vampire character the creator of the show gets pretty upset cuz he has this thing about good and evil and vampires are supposed to represent evil and be metaphors for problems you face and not supposed to be sexy they already had one sexy vampire and that was more than enough etc etc etc. but he didnt kill spike off. he decided to bring him back to the show

but if he was gonna bring him back and the audience was going to like him, he was gonna have to ‘humanize’ him more. and so he comes back and hes cringefail<3 hes shed his hard shell a little and just becomes this pathetic little guy <3 he even has his traumatic past revealed <3 hes still an antagonist, but then he gets a chip in his head that makes him unable to hurt a living person. and so we have the wonderful arc of “not actually reformed or anything but he’s kinda on our side sometimes i guess?”

and in that time where he cant be his bad old self and is working with (sorta) the main gang, he develops feelings (his biggest weakness) for his mortal enemy, the slayer, buffy. he tries to push them down, then just. deals with them in the most fucked up ways. hes just a fucked up little guy who doesnt know how to deal with his fucked up feelings, hes just like me for real,,,, if tumblr existed when the show took place he would be reblogging “the enormity of my desire disgusts me” and cannibalism-as-a-metaphor-for-desire shit probably. anyway

vampires in the buffyverse dont have souls (there are some exceptions) but spike, even without one, decides to better himself for buffy. and eventually not even to be with her, but just for her. he protects her when she doesnt know it and he doesnt get anything out of it. he protects people she loves because he knows it would hurt her if they got hurt.

he may not be human but his humanity is astounding. anyway, there are definitely slip ups, and writing choices i dont really like, but eventually he decides to make himself something buffy could really love, he decides to go through the excruciating process of getting a soul

and he comes back with his soul suffering bouts of guilt-ridden male hysteria. love to see it. (hes also being haunted kinda) he delivers this one monologue in a church about his soul and guilt and forgiveness which ends with him embracing a cross that seers his flesh. most iconic scene, i memorized it also. for funsies.

then theres this whole sleeper agent murder thing and he thinks hes beyond saving but buffy wont give up on him and her faith in him helps him make it through. in the end, they have moments of reconciliation and spike never believes that she actually loves him but her caring for him at all is good enough

anyway. hes just a really fun guy. theres a lot to him. his characterization can be comedic, passionate, heart wrenching. he contains multitudes. he contains soooo many issues too, i want to study him under a microscope <3 but yeah. i love this weird little vampire from my shows

#hehe #thanks for the ask ilyyyy <33333

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dragondemoness · 2 years

Note

Natsumi kuzuryu with make reader who has the talent and personality of chieko Maki Let's go with an enemies to lovers scenario or her trying to trick him to get information on him. Also let's slip in a coffee scene of affection🙃🙃🙃

Chieko Maki's info: https://www.quotev.com/story/11950461/Danganronpa-Abandoned-Sanity-CLOSED/9

I'm honestly not a fan of how this came out, but I hope you enjoy this

Natsumi Kuzuryu and Reader Who's Like Chieko Maki (Danganronpa Abandoned Sanity)

She was suspicious of you the second she saw you

What did the talent of the "Ultimate Hero/Heroine" even mean?

So she spied on you, to see how you really worked

What you did was take out a villain and leave without your expression wavering once

She just didn't understand you

There had to be more to you than just that

Surely, you had some sort of mutation that made you so strong, right?

Well, she planned to find out

She always felt like she lived in her brother's shadow, and maybe she could prove that she was more than just the Ultimate Yakuza's little sister

And so, she watched your every move

When she got out of her class, she would hide around a corner while you were just going about your day

She didn't approach you directly

She hadn't been the nicest to you, so she figured you had a sour opinion of her

But no matter how much she watched, she found nothing

She saw you being bombarded with missions and requests, exasperated at the many cameras being shoved in your face, and passing through the halls as people whispered rumors about you

But even then, she couldn't find the secret to your talent

She was getting irritated, and finally decided to confront you

It was just after school, and she found you while you were leaving

"Hey! You!"

You turned and looked at her

"Ah, so the stalker girl finally decides to reveal herself to me."

Natsumi froze, and her eyes widened as she stared at you

"What?"

"You thought I didn't notice? For someone who comes from the biggest yakuza clan around, you're not that good at being stealthy."

Woah

Finally, someone who didn't bring her brother into it

But that didn't matter

"W-Well, it wasn't my fault! I was just trying to figure you out!"

"Figure me out?"

"Don't play dumb! Your talent... How did you get it? What do you even do?!"

"Well... I just help people in need, I guess."

She scoffed at your answer

"Don't make me laugh! That can't be it! You have to have some sort of mutation that makes you so strong! No way can you just deal with some buff-ass people without breaking a sweat!"

You just looked at her, confused

"I don't have a mutation or anything. Being a hero doesn't even mean just taking out villains."

Now she was confused

"Then what does it mean?"

"It just means helping people who need it. It means doing what any decent person would. Sure, that includes dealing with criminals, but that's not all I do. And as for my strength, I work out. That's it."

You had her speechless

It appears she had been ignorant about your talent and what it is you do

And instead of just asking you about it, she just insulted you and spied on you like a creep

"Well... I guess I made myself look stupid, huh? You must think I'm a weird, stupid bitch, now."

"No. Why would I think that?"

She looked at you like you were crazy

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't you?! All I did was insult your talent and act like a creepy, stalkery bitch instead of just talking to you like a normal person!"

"Your insults didn't even bother me, honestly. At least you weren't hovering around me because you wanted to benefit from my talent."

So, you really didn't care?

Well, color her surprised

"Has that happened to you before?"

"Yeah. I don't really have 'friends'. People get close to me, only to ditch me when they got what they needed."

In a way, Natsumi felt that she could understand you

"I don't really have friends, either. I'm basically just known as Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu's little sister. And even if people did approach me, I would just end up pushing them away because of how I act."

You thought about it for a moment, then you spoke

"Hey, maybe we could be friends."

Natsumi looked up at you in surprise

"Really?"

"Sure. I don't see a reason why not. We can go hang out at a coffee shop or something."

Part of her wanted to reject you, to call you stupid for even suggesting it

But she knew deep down that she wanted a friend, and that she needed to make up for her behavior towards you

So she finally decided to swallow her pride

"Yeah. Let's do that."

And so, you did

You headed to a nearby coffee shop and talked for a while

You got to know each other, and you saw Natsumi soften up more and more the longer you talked

You made this a regular habit, and soon, you became good friends and something more

You had a feeling her brother would be a bitch to deal with

But for now, you could at least enjoy your dates and appreciate each other's presence

#danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #natsumi kuzuryu x reader

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nation-of-bros · 1 year

Note

Has it occurred to you that the idea that vaccination is deliberately designed for population control seems a bit absurd? If you think about it, the only people they're killing are sheep, right? Wouldn't the establishment *want* to keep sheep and kill off the independent thinkers? Seems counter-productive. Also, don't know if you knew this, but a lot of the (mainly right-wing) media outlets that tell you not to get vaccinated are themselves vaccinated.

Why do you think there was all this coercion?! They wanted to force EVERYONE to get vaccinated. As an unvaccinated person, I was treated like a low-caste citizen for two years. So they didn't just want to vaccinate the stupid sheep, who immediately and willingly picked up their shots.

Nor are the global elites so stupid as to inject people with something that will kill them instantly. Only very few died "by accident" shortly after a shot. While these are rare cases, they represent an incredible crime on their own. But I don't know if it isn't an even greater crime to sugarcoat these deaths or not to take them seriously in the first place. I know of cases where, for example, parents have lost their child shortly after a vaccination. In my opinion, these vaccinations represent the greatest medical crime in human history and you can convince yourselves that the Corona bullshit is over, but I'll tell you very clearly: this is all just the beginning.

Rather, the intention is that over the next 10 to 20 years, a large proportion will gradually die away without being associated with vaccinations: strokes, heart attacks, cancer or simply "sudden death" that "just happens". The extremely increased death rate confirms this. In the meantime, 20% more people are dying than usual. These are official figures from state agencies and not a conspiracy theory.

I think the intention is above all to reduce the general life expectancy sharply in order to relieve the social systems, since far too few children have been born in western countries for over 50 years. Who else should finance this mass of old people?! Countries like Japan are already facing a demographic catastrophe. Consequently, it is ideal for Western systems if people die "socially acceptable" near retirement age, while until then they have been exploited as full-time work drones and consumers.

Western democracy is a joke

I really don't understand how naive you all can be to seriously believe that you are being ruled by "humanists" who only want the best for you. Our politicians have revealed themselves as the biggest lobbyists, dumbest people and most obnoxious hypocrites, no matter which party they belong to.

It is quite obvious that the Western democracies are just a facade behind which in reality global corporations, banks and a few influential people make the decisions. The EU, for example, is led by von der Leyen, which NOBODY voted for. She was chosen behind closed doors by influential people. If you look at the list of Bilderberg participants, you can see that not only does von der Leyen come from a powerful family, but she was also invited by the global elites, whereupon she, like many others, made a political career "by pure coincidence".

Von der Leyen was asked on a talk show if she would send her own sons to war because she had always supported NATO operations abroad. This bitch just smiled wickedly and answered quite honestly: NO. One can assume that she certainly did not have her family vaccinated either, especially since von der Leyen is also in direct contact with BioNTech. When this was criticized and an investigation called for, she quickly deleted her SMS correspondence with the CEO of BioNTech.

One only has to look at the list of Bilderberg participants on Wikipedia to see how many of the invited guests "by accident" made political careers after these meetings. They determine in advance who will be the next president or chancellor of a country, be it a Merkel or a Macron. They then use their mainstream media to promote the candidates in question, thereby manipulating the voters' decision. Often it doesn't even matter who you vote for because they ultimately control BOTH sides. It's then just a question of which marionette wins the race.

Some of these super-rich meet regularly at Bilderberg meetings, or in other gatherings such as the Trilateral Commission, where they invite politicians and exercise direct influence. From their point of view you are just one of many, a small ant to be crushed. They say to themselves, "There are several billion people on this planet, enough people for us to sacrifice." They don't give a damn if you die of cancer in 10 years. Then a Latin American or African asylum seeker will take your place as a cheap working drone and consumer. Besides, they want to replace the original nations in favor of a global unification anyway, which is why it is only conducive to the overall goal of letting large parts of a country's native population to die off and to compensate through mass immigration from elsewhere.

#politics #corona #essay #reply

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eviltiddyproductions · 1 year

Text

Alchemy of Souls, Part 1, Episode 2

Is our man Jang his son and the spell is put by the mage shifting right back or is the king still there I am confusion

The master whooshed away his force field with a wave of his hand like ‘enough of this nonsense’

LMAO that was so smooth and he’s protecting her eyes too! but I feel like that’s going to be found out quite quickly

can no one else see the soul shifting eyes 🤨 they’re under the same moonlight

But also I love them 😭✋

Jang’s enjoying this so much 😭 I love blondie !!!

talking so loudly when everyone’s on guard and anyone can hear you #protagonisttingz

I love her. Threatening to kill someone while also calling yourself cute is something I need to note down for future ✍️

I absolutely adore the comedy in this like it comes out of nowhere and it just hits 😂 like the ground actually started caving in.

‘why is your face down there?’ aggressively yanks her head up ‘it wasn’t intentional’ 😭💀

something about anyone having Jin in their names being drop dead gorgeous like look at Ms Spring!!!

why was she so surprised to see Jang Uk lol

the subtitles going ‘epic percussive music playing’ 😂

I knew it was that man standing beside her!!! (Ofc they did a fake out) but also wasn’t he around them like constantly. I think he was there near that weird cave where they kept her body too like I’ve seen him in the last episode!

ohhh they were engaged? spring queen and our winter boy? they look gorgeous 😭

blondie is truly my favourite person on this show rn. my city might be sweltering but go off summer!

I assumed she’d be with our wind guy? I forgot what his powers were I’m assuming he’s wind or autumn but I love that she was with Uk 😂 and they’re beefing

be careful when you kiss someone. he’s so real. and I guess that answers my why didn’t anyone else see that mark in her eyes in the same moonlight. they need to be at a kissing distance 💋 (I adore Uk)

look at them (or mostly him for now) helping each other.

oh he’s so real for breaking that dog but his ex is going to get his ass.

does no one else find his actions even remotely suspicious though 😭

now how did that master just slip off the stairs lmao but also I love it 😂

blondie giving us context and humour and giving our lil shape shifter adorable boops on the head. oh how i adore him

extreme cold and extreme heat can kill him (insert meme: bitch me too, the fuck) but also lmao @ him being the winter representative here

bae I know you’re saying you’re leaving but that’s the fastest way of ensuring you’ll be around him in the next 5 minutes

lmao he’s talking in pout, all in pain and adorable and our girl is scarfing a chicken leg and asking for fireworks. #thatsmyotpnow

my girl said I’d sell your amulet for a piece of chicken!

now we’ve got another person eyeing that amulet 😭 sneaky people are kind of the worst

they did a face reveal for her teacher as if we’d know who that is

everybody looks so serious and i can’t follow a single thing like who is this king? why is her master here? who is that gorgeous lady? why does the authoritative guy look like he’s wearing a suit?

the old man is the biggest Songrim stan lol, love that for him

one thing about period dramas (the way I’ve only seen 2 💀) the king is always a little helpless in situation like why does the buzz cut guy already have an upper hand. well not buzzcut but a cut I guess

oh even she doesn’t know how he looks

love when the audience has additional intel but also hate it because now we see people being dumb or walking into traps.

is he actually just going to give him that sword so casually

LMAOOO he did. along with a menacing not yet ??? hmmm 🤨🤨🤨

whoever this lady is that stole the amulet from naksu is so beautiful but I think she’s walking to her death 😭

I think the other lady saved her from getting her eyes detected by pulling her away

well at least she knows

well she’s not getting that body back

IS SHE DOING THE MATH IS SHE ABOUT TO RECOGNISE THE DEVIOUS TEACHER?

oh she put that together so fast #thatsmygirl but also that ensures she won’t fall in any traps #real

how was she the only one left. my lil baby 😭💔💔💔

WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS IN THE OPEN BALCONY where anyone can see them?! like what if someone’s watching !?! 😭

I knew she’d get zapped

ahh both of their hopes are breaking ( I recently saw a tv show with veteran actors and maybe they can learn subtlety from this show because see how they didn’t overdo it and I got exactly what they wanted to say!!! Catch this stray aditi rao hyadri)

Uk ‘then go for’ subtitles: melancholy music playing

the way this is the same Netflix that also doesn’t translate other languages in tv shows sometimes and here we get music subtitles. 😂

harmonious music playing. I’m a hoe for flute !!!

I feel like he’s going to save her but also she isn’t dying just because he told her to because of his frustration 💀 she really wanted to die as a warrior. let’s see where this goes though. I actually didn’t think she’d do it. Naksu fight back !!!

OKAY SWORD !!! go off

the way she was casually settling in the water and the sword was like show time bitches 🗡️

I thought it was a lake??? this place is giving sea, river and tributary at the same time

I love him being funny as hell as soon as she wakes up. Oh wow and being crafty! he got someone to hide her soul shifting eye marks!?

pensive music playing

I did not see that coming. I thought when she mentioned herbs she was going to make him unconscious not poison him ☠️

oh he’s red red

this poor man has to go through all of this to unlock his energy that his dad blocked and that’s on daddy issues 😔 honestly not daddy issues, like daddy created this issue. why did that man make it his mission to do this to his son

don’t reveal yourself sister !!!

they loved him enough to open it

how connected does he feel to her already like he’s been going around trying to save her a little too emotionally #real

why did they just leave her alone chilling on the ropes like that ??? they do not care about security here. 😭

Alchemy of Souls, Part 1 Episode 3

just threw him in the air like that. these people are so 💀

but also is that his baby or the king’s like I’m so confused rn

A demon baby 🤨

The songrim guy looked cute as hell in the flashback but am I just supposed to ignore that he did this to Uk

I knew he’d take responsibility for her actions but like how are we going to go unscathed from this? surely someone’s going to keep an eye out for selener 👁️

oh I guess they’re just dropping this matter with a yell for now

lmao the way his caretaker’s mouth literally dropped open when he said mu deok goes with him too

why did I realise I was recapping episode 3 already. how did I not notice clicking next 😭😭😭

the way the take they did with her rn, most of her injuries were gone 💀

songrim, turns dramatically, ‘I can’t even look at them rn’ sir you yeeted a baby!!! this baby !!!

The ribbon on Uk’s hair is adorable

Autocorrect stop showing me the Union Jack everytime I write uk challenge

he says get up, she gets up #real

uh oh the eyes

the caretaker having to carry her on her back LMAOOO and him piggybacking on his friend 😭

the old man having lost ten years of his life and energy because of mu deok and uk’s shenanigans 😭 cutie

Him asking Songrim to get him some wine oh i stan him !!! Songrim’s so dramatic like yes he wants some wine, he’s tired and cold, stop the side eye!

‘why would there be wine in my office’ ‘oh it’s right there, you drink it when you get lonely’ LMAO get him

does anyone have a gif of Songrim screaming I DO NOT GET LONELY!!!

did he like Do Hwa too?! is this why he’s soft on Uk? 😭 besties stop liking the same woman challenge

LMAO the old man literally pushed him away and took the jar of wine 😂

uncle and nephew got a wine chugging problem. also I’d assumed Songrim was our autumn boy’s uncle. got that wrong. at least he’s trying to piece her story together

run dangu run!!

classic is she breathing let me put my ears to her nose scene !!! (my never letting Mr queen references go ass is LIVING) 😭💔

songrim well is kinda laid back on punishments

awww a little callback moment. she did the same to him and now he’s also whispering next to her face how she’s the only one who risked something for him

they’re so adorable every 3 seconds my dumbass wants to yell KISS!

pupil master, servant master (weird power imbalance romance angle but we move !!!)

a contract that says they’ll separate. we know how that goes ;)) im being so cocky for someone whose going to sob if they actually walk in different directions

lmao him pouting I will respect your decision to abandon me

the bad guy’s lair door is giving worli painting

I love when bad guys lie to each other. To be fair the mark was not on her shoulder.

so he backstabbed his great mage magician teacher. is that what we’re learning 🤨

the spirit plaque is missing and y’all are not looking for it 😭

I love this because I once read a fanfic where the main character time travels but ends up in the wrong body and they had the same problem where their new body that they were not expecting was kinda terrible 😂

AAH I love their training day 1 so much. But also it’s so public, what if someone saw y’all 😭

proud of the actors for doing all of this on what appears to be rocks because my knees would’ve left this planet

songrim and ms kim dissing each other by pointing out how they’re both in or were in love with uk’s parents enough to stay single for 20 yrs

LMAO he really said when Jang (UK’s father) said he liked acorn jelly she climbed the trees like a squirrel 🐿️😭

kind of feel bad for Songrim, he’s gotta be the bad guy for a reason

I love Ms Kim 💀

I adore the wine loving blush on his cheeks old man master

LMAO I’m kinda loving the flipping of how initially he was playing around with innuendoes and getting her flustered and now he’s flustered. to be fair she is undressing him extremely fast 💀😭

is she gonna steal some extra energy

old man with blush is slay but he’s a little too nonchalant with leaving his energy in Uk

them spying on Yul (autumn 🍁) guy 💀😭 honestly if he’s that good he should probably know they’re spying

lmao I love Uk I thought he’d be offended that she’d touch Yul but he’s offended that he was deemed easy 😭

the earrings on blondie. he’s such a baddie. Does he have the it girl fancams??? he should!

blondie is me I am blondie we’re both amused at these two

lmao his dramatic ass coughing and holding his stomach

lmao he’s still mad at the medicine stealing goats, honestly I’d be too! goats are a little too devious

the locations are so beautiful

not the jugs of wine, nay, GALLONS of wine. master heo, we stan!

oh that beautiful swanky Jin lady was Ms Spring’s mother. should’ve guessed. they’re gorgeous and so is their eyeliner

lmao it even took me a second to realise she dead ass said she wished her sister was alive so she could’ve married anyone she wanted, in front of her MOTHER 😭✋

Ms Spring’s gonna marry Yul isn’t she

girl you’re about to get caught at this rate be serious

dangu (summer) hanging from the shelf about to fall asking if mu deok is okay a #real man!

dangu is such a cutie. look at him making them work together lmao a #shipper

girl please protect your eyes!!! don’t let your guard down

subtitles: whimsical music playing

their ears are so red 😭

LMAO she’s so 😭💀

I love when people declare love with ulterior motives. It just happened in Link too. All my girl wants is to touch Yul’s stomach 😭✋

at least he’s smart and got it. at the same time girl PROTECT YOUR EYES

she got her whistle back

she was so pretty as a child. the actress is a cutie but also she has similar eyes to mu deok!!! it was all fate (me deluding myself with 2 hrs of sleep watching this)

is he going to find out she’s naksu too

he’s a pretty man

hehehe master heo is drunk. he’s so cute being carried like that 😭🫶

LMAO look at uk being the one who gets the breath technique

she’s so cute trying to do this swap but aww that whistle means so much to her and she’s insisting it’s useless to her. my bb 🥺

yeah I’m fully team ukdeok (I’ll have to check the ship name sorry!) But Yul pulling her hand to his stomach with the whistle moved something in me

i guess something moved in uks stomach too

I love she kinda tells the truth casually all the time 😂

at least he remembers the eyes!

he’s adorable

this man is wearing a hanbok (?) but it always looks like a boss man suit. he’s got a cute laugh

ohhh him and Yul are on the same level

poor Uk man, born as chaos and has to go through all of this by no choice of his own

a complete nobody with that much grace? I don’t think so

like they said he should be a complete nobody and he walked in like a baddie

dangu looks so proud 😭

this got so extreme so fast

my man keeps getting beaten and punished I’m so tired. Dangu gets it ! Yul kinda gets him too I guess

okay I know this is really dumb to expect in dramas but this is right after Link and I need adults to just be honest sometimes. he’s 20! let him know about his destiny or whatever his dad warned like let him know!

Especially about his survival

#alchemy of souls #episode 2 #episode 3 #part 1 #studio dragon you will always be famous

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cemoras27 · 11 months

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small vent about my school experience

this was brought on by reading a little ficlet that happened to hit EXTREAMLY CLOSE to home for me. Im afab living in the midwest in a small town, however the town I live in is NOT my hometown. so everyone in my graduating class had known eachother from diapers basicly. in fact when I did an internship thing at the public library(necessary to graduate) and the directer/woman in charge who was also from out of town agreed that we were called 'transplants'. I have lived here since I was 8. 11 years I have lived here and still don't feel welcomed

in the 8th grade I was in band and at the end of the year the teacher had decided to reveal what the words she had given us at the begining of the year was for. she called out a name and the first person to answer had gotten it wrong, ok big deal. HOWEVER WHEN I GOT IT WRONG I WAS OUT FOR THE REST OF THE CLASS. THE FUCKING BOY WASNT OUT AND WHEN I POINTED IT OUT SHE SAID THAT HE WAS OK OR SOMETING ALONG THOSE LINES AND I HAD REALLY LIKED THIS TEACHER BUT THIS FUCKING RUNINED HER IN MY EYES MY FUCKING GOD I JUST WANTED HER TO DIE I KNOW THATS NOT HEALTHY OR NORMAL BUT JUST CHRIST. I REALLY ONLY HAD MY INTELLANGCE FOR MY CONFIDANCE AND IT FELT LIKE SHE ATTACKED ME I DONT KNOW WHY

i hate history classes because of 2 teachers mrs. G and mrs. c. mrs. G was also the typing class teacher and was SUPER PICKY about the positioning of our hands and no joke i had never finished a typing lesson because of her. the only times I finished one was when she had retired the next year. that bitterness carried over to her history classes where she just was so boring. she barely decorated her room too it was shit. I dont know why anyone in the school liked her she was a bitch. So happy she retired wish she had done it sooner.

MRS C WAS SO MUCH WORSE. BITCH HAD 3 LESSONS AND THAT WAS IT NO VARITY JUST WORKSHEET AFTER WORKSHEET AFTER WORKSHEET THE ONLY CHANGE WAS WHEN WE HAD A STUDENT TEACHER AND HE MADE A PLAN. WISH THAT GUY A BRIGHT FUTURE. BUT C JUST FUCKING SUCKED. THEN SHE DECIDED TO LIE TO MY PARENTS AT MY IEP. WHAT THE FUCK.

I READ FANFIC IN CLASS, THIS WAS A KNOWN PROBLEM BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO DO CLASS WORK JUST READ. I WOULD ALSO LISTEN TO MUSIC WHENEVER I COULD. C SAID THAT I HAD A PROBLEM WITH PUTTING MY EARBUDS IN DURING CLASS. LIKE WHEN SHE WAS TALKING AND THAT WAS BLATENTLY FALSE I PUT MY MUSIC ON AFTER SHE WAS DONE TEACHING AND HAD GIVEN US TIME TO WORK CUNT I HOPE SHE DIES SOMEONE TAKE AN AXE TO HER HEAD PLEASE THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER

now again im afab and i likely have some nurodivergance that has led to a lot of unconscious masking. leading in to what was my biggest pet peeve of people acting dumber than what i know them to be. Notably the boys (one in particular really) and everytime someing stupid came out of his mouth i just wanted to cause bodily and psychological harm to him and his family.

the fic had remined me of a time where mrs C had pulled me into the hallway and told me to call my mom. i didn't want to obviously and this was very public for my sophomore peers to see. i had stomped a little and she told me to stop acting like a child and I just thought about how i never had really gotten a chance to act like a kid when it was appropriate because I was 'so mature for my age' and i just thought back to the guy the got on my nerves. and how he acts like hes fucking ten every day and doesnt get called out for it at all. but i do ONE childish act its stop acting like a kid your too old for that

#vent post #tw vent #tw intrusive thoughts #i think at least #high school experiance

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stormyoceans · 1 year

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Usually, your answers really long (which i love very much), this is why 😂 You can't be dead, i still need you❣️

Thought about it too! Them meeting in person before they reveal their identities to each other. But i thought about them meeting and Talay somehow realize that Puen is Tun (firstly i thought to make Talay think that Puen's manager is Tun, but i think he will tell it to Puen and it would make Puen really jealous (because even if Talay won't fall in love with this person, he could pursue him and they would form a connection. I really think this would be his first thought ahah he's lonely and he wants Talay for himself. And next second he would realise what it actually means and this would have scared him very much) and frightened and feel uneasy. Even tho i think Talay would not try to pursue him that easily and without confirming that Puen wants it too first, but Puen doesn't know. So i thought to make Talay feel uneasy by accidentally realizing that Puen Pranon is his... and this will start a whole debate in his head about 'who are we?'. And maybe it would make him stop responding to their chats. And maybe it would hurt Puen like hell, because he can't live anymore without this particular person. Even if Talay would ask him to stop doing lives together, he would beg to let him stay in Talay's life and just continue to talk about everything, send rare pictures from trips, to share who is the biggest bitch in thai entertainment industry and who's really nice to work with, to just let them be in each other's life, even if it's just this distant friendship.

OH THAT'S REALLY INTERESTING!!!!!! i kinda assumed puen would be the first one to recognize talay because even if talay streams with a mask, puen still gets to see him and hear his voice, while im assuming talay only ever talked to puen through text messages, so i think it would be harder for him to realize puen is 'tun', but it's definitely not impossible and it actually creates a nice contrasting parallel with canon!!!

and it definitely makes sense that talay would try to put some distance between them after finding out who tun is, especially if he had already started to have feelings for both tun and puen and suddenly the knowledge that they are the same person actually makes things worse because he thinks that puen is in it only for the sex part of it all, while he was fool enough to catch feelings. of course that's just talay overthinking and presuming things, because puen is very much in love with him and the thought of losing him, of no longer being able to talk to him and hear him rant about his favorite movies and make him laugh with bad jokes, is tearing him apart

also i kept thinking all day at the identity porn of it all and how GOOD it would be. like talay and puen meet in person and talay remembers 'tun' works with celebrity so the next time they're chatting he asks if 'tun' has ever worked with puen pranon and puen feels his heart skip a beat and on one hand he has to be so very careful not to be recognized, but on the other he wants to know what 'sea' thinks of him and yet he isn't sure what he wants to hear in response, because if 'sea' likes actor puen, the puen who is only a mask to the world, then it wouldn't make him feel good, but if 'sea' doesn't like him it feels like a rejection anyway

......and im now realizing im probably making this way too serious and not focusing on the camboy aspect too much but i just!!!!! really love plot and characters and emotions too ;;;;;;;

#hope you don't mind that ;;;;;;#also my brain is having a hard time doing words today so im sorry it took me a while to reply!!!#puentalay #m: ask

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slickshoesareyoucrazy · 2 years

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I Can’t See Myself

So this post is going to be a ramble and a ride. Keep going at your own risk. I know maybe one of two of you have seen a version of this post before, but I also know at least one of you hasn’t. And I’m feeling it again. If I still had the old blog, maybe I’d be reblogging it with a bunch of tags, but instead I’m reposting it with edits.

I don’t feel the immediate desperation about writer’s block like I did in April and May of this year. It felt uncomfortable and even a little anxiety inducing for a while though. I’d say at least 6 months…probably longer. It was by far the longest I’ve had that feeling of, ‘Maybe I can’t do it at all anymore…maybe it’s never going to come back…maybe it’s just gone,’ without something shaking loose and getting better. I mean…that’s in a virtual lifetime of creating things. I’ve made up stories in my head my whole life that I can remember…but I just couldn’t do it for a year and a half. And it freaked me out a little. Part of that is the obvious creator angst that maybe a piece of me has disappeared or permanently malfunctioned or something. And part of it I’ve whined written about before in the post I’ll put up right next to this one, and my post ‘Next’. Maybe I’m not worth anything if I can’t produce something new for other people to consume. Maybe I’m invisible if I can’t make something new and current all the time for other people to see. I dunno. It’s been a rough ride here for me the past year-ish to be honest. And while the shit I have bitched wrote about regarding writer’s block in the past is definitely bothering me and weighing on me, the biggest problem with the fiction drought is that I’m hurting and I can’t find a way to alleviate it, because I can’t see myself.

I’ve revealed this privately to a couple of friends in the past, and I think I may have answered some old blog prompt 5 years ago about journaling or something by saying that writing clarifies things for me, and I don’t really journal, but I do write essays on the blog and *I write fiction.* And writing fiction is therapeutic for me in this very strange but real way. I can’t see MYSELF out of a bad patch. I’ve never been able to do that. I need somebody to come rescue me (which J often does, and some close friends do sometimes too, and I am very grateful for them every day for this and many other reasons). BUT I almost always can see SOMEBODY ELSE out of a bad patch. This is a simultaneous honor and danger for me, because there are people who turn to me fairly easily and readily to help them deal with their bad shit once they know me a little. (I probably cried 10 times watching Encanto. Seriously.) They know I’ll listen. They know I don’t normally get Mean and Judgy about things. And they learn over time, normally, that if they ask me (they almost always have to ask me, because I’VE learned to not offer it without being asked…it takes a borderline or maybe even an actual emergent situation for me to just go in guns blazing), I’ll give them honest advice. I can almost always see a way out, and I like doing that…I like searching for the way out and I really like actually finding one. For SOMEBODY ELSE. (So if you’re a person who has ever been all, ‘Hey Walrus? Um…can you see a way out here?’ Don’t feel bad. I know I linked that song there, but my surface pressure always comes from the inside and explodes out; it doesn’t crush me from the outside.) So in this odd way, fiction is a tool for me. If I’m in a jam or feeling shitty and I don’t want to burden turn to J or a friend about my shit, I’d just make up somebody who was kinda like me and give them a problem that was kinda like mine and then I’d push them out of it. I could see myself through other people…imaginary people. When I had a friend reading through the things I’ve already created, I could see myself a bit in the old stuff, and it helped me get to a place where I did produce something new really pretty fast in August. I got reconnected with some pieces of myself I’d never felt good about writing about before. But now that friend has turned out to be fictional, even though they and I are both real people, and I can’t see myself in the old stuff anymore. And now I’m back to a place where I can’t see myself. Like…at all.

And now I’m going to do an abrupt shift to pandemic media consumption. I’m an American, and I’m a pronounced introvert with moderate to severe agoraphobia on a NON pandemic living day. Like…I’ve ALWAYS hated the fucking grocery store if you get what I’m saying. I’d honestly just stay in my house all the time if given the choice anyway. But that’s still not super good for me, and I’ve found that out in more ways that I’m comfortable with this year. Writer’s block is part of it, but another part of it which seems dumb on the surface but is looking and feeling very real now is that I’ve run out of media to consume without leaving my house. I appreciated people who have recommended new shows and new music and new things to read to me because honestly? The well is pretty dry at this point. I’ve found myself several times in the past 6 months scrolling through a streaming service, trolling for anything new, and saying to myself, ‘Seen it, seen it, seen it, will definitely trigger anxiety which is why I skipped it the last pass, seen it, seen it, seen it three times, seen it probably 20 times since 1990, will make me cry and who fucking needs THAT right now, seen it…’ And I watched a lot of shows I’d have otherwise not tried at all, because they were someone else’s favorites. That was fun at the time, but honestly...they weren’t my cup of tea. I enjoyed doing it, but I think I just mostly enjoyed being there to see someone else’s joy, which has always been awesome for me. So being American, you know what DOES show up new all the time? True crime shit. Oh here’s a new podcast/docuseries/docudrama/episode of 12 year old series about murder/marital infidelity/graft/fraud/catfishing/mass abuse scandals and coverups/cults. So J and I have (unfortunately?) consumed a lot of this kind of shit in the past year or two. Like…A LOT. And we find ourselves often listening or watching (or even reading) this stuff and I hear myself say this phrase to J at least twice a week: ‘I can’t see myself…<believing that person/going to another place with that person/marrying that person/dating that person/being friends with that person/doing business with that person/falling for that line/tolerating that behavior/ever treating a person like that/being violent in that situation/whatever>…’ But the important part of that is ‘I can’t see myself.’ And maybe the reason I can’t see myself doing any of the shit anybody on any of this ‘real’ media has done or is doing is because no one else sees me either. Maybe I really am invisible unless I’m producing something new for other people to consume and that’s current and pleasing or at least entertaining for other people to see. There’s this weird little wrinkle in the podcasts in particular where the podcast host/moderator has people who know the victim/survivor/main protagonist in the story describe that person for the audience to know them better. I’m not sure anyone could do that for me if I was ever murdered. Maybe not even J. He’s not all that great with words, to be honest. And I find myself wondering, ‘Does anybody actually see me? Could anyone describe me for Tiffany Reese or Keith Morrison?’ Maybe not. I can’t even see myself.

And then there’s this piece of every one of the abuse/murder ones at least where someone’s mom/sister/best friend/adult child/coworkers call law enforcement to report a problem. Something is wrong; I haven’t heard from <important person> in <amount of time, but this amount of time ranges from 1 hour later than I expected to see/hear from them and they aren’t answering their phone to a couple of days or weeks>, so they are either seriously injured, kidnapped, or dead. Go do something about it.’ So then I think if my kid was away at college or living his own life and something had happened to J? No one would ever notice I was gone. Even the most important connections I have in my life beyond that? No one would think anything bad had happened because they didn’t hear from me for weeks….months…years. Unless I was producing something new for them to consume; making something current and pleasing/entertaining for them to see. I don’t reach out to people unless I think I have something new or pleasing or entertaining or all of that for them to see and/or consume. I never have. Because I can’t see myself without it.

I don’t want anyone who actually reads this to think I’m having like a potential self harm episode coming up or anything, because I’m not. I promise. But I am really having a real hard time seeing myself right now. Or at least seeing myself in a good, positive way. Hearing someone you’ve become close to tell you all the things you’d worked for years to no longer believe about yourself and use as the words to beat yourself up with and accuse you of the very things past abusers told you about yourself over and over again reverses a lot of forward self esteem and seeing yourself progress. I can feel that I’ve lost ground in those areas. Everything I thought this person was helping me with has kind of been destroyed in the past month. The writing maybe wasn’t good; maybe I’m not good at it like I’d finally started to believe from other people telling me so. I’m actually not a good friend; not a good mom; not a good person, like I’d started to accept at least occasionally might be true when J or A or my son said it. Maybe I really can’t connect to other people in a real way; maybe I really am invisible; maybe I really am worthless if I can’t be of service.

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