#which is strange i thought he died in the 40s
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wanna make one of those died in born in welcome back memes for fdr and lana del rey but i'm in a whole raputin stout so it's not gonna happen. but we can all picture it together. oh ho ho
#it's funny because the initials rhyme#also it was only 3 years apart#which is strange i thought he died in the 40s#oh whoops yes he did he was born in '82#of 18 not 19 duh#wow he's old#so 103 years apart which is really very similar#now when did norman die#oh hey his initials are npr (as opposed to nfr) that's crazy
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Death is Not a Teacher
a reflection on lessons human beings cannot learn
I put my grandfather in the ground last weekend. His death prompted the usual sorts of things that, as you will know from your attendance at funerals and experiences with people in mourning, tend to occur when someone dies. You know, as I know, that people say a lot of things, not because they are useful to say, but because one cannot escape the feeling that something must be said. You have perhaps tried to remain silent—but only for a time—as you will have found that it simply does not do. Eventually you say the same kinds of trite things that everyone else says.
His death cannot be said to have been unexpected. I watched his decline for what must have been at least twenty years. My wife remarked upon seeing him in his casket that he looked surprisingly like he did in life—a reflection of how very nearly dead he had been in his twilight.
I say that to say, now, that even watching his death come, as it were, from afar, even at a leisurely pace, when the end finally came, my father probably articulated best the sense among our branch of the departed man’s family.
“I really took him for granted.”
—
Because death involves reflection on life, and the life of the deceased, as one encounters people who knew the departed for longer, or in another capacity, were more or less close, we come to appreciate something we could have realized if we’d thought about it—that the person was in many ways unknown, that we mistook our small piece of their existence for a whole, that their life in its complexity and interiority involved many stages and many experiences they never shared with us. We didn’t know them at the time, they never volunteered the information, we never thought to ask.
But all this is well known. The piece upon which I wish to focus is the always implicit, but often explicit, pang of regret, and attendant call to action. We ought to have spent more time with them. We ought to have asked them the questions it never occurred to us to ask. We ought to have told them how we felt about them.
We ought not to have taken them for granted.
—
These pangs and appeals add to their triteness a certain edge when death arrives suddenly. A friend’s mother recently passed; she’d had a cancer diagnosis a year or so prior, but one Friday took a dramatic turn for the worse, and by the end of the weekend she was gone. He reported with gratitude he had some time to tell her, as she laid in bed, how fortunate he had been to have her as a mother, &c &c. When my wife was 16, her mother died at 40. She’d gone to the hospital for what appeared to be a severe panic attack and was gone within hours. No goodbyes.
Be sure to tell people how you feel about them, because you do not know how long you will have them. So the wisdom goes.
In my final year of undergrad I became an eleventh hour addition to an honors colloquium that I had learned late I needed to take to complete the honors program. That spring the course was to be taught by a literature professor I had seen but did not know, and I and some two dozen students were to read The Brothers Karamazov. The course immediately took on a mystical significance; professors saw me carrying the book and gave me strange looks, cryptically referring to it as the greatest novel ever written. One class the professor mentioned the example of the novel had prevented a fellow professor from suicide. The novel appeared to carry and to portend mysterious powers.
It is perhaps impossible to overstate the significance of this man to my life. We became Facebook friends soon after I graduated and I stayed on that website in large part to maintain contact with him, commenting here and there on his posts, but, eventually I felt like I didn’t really have much to contribute to his conversations. They tended to unfold between himself and some old friends and I felt like I was sort of a third wheel, and so my admiration took on a greater distance.
I learned recently that in the spring of 2023, that professor threw himself from a bridge.
Suicide makes the question stranger still, because suicide carries a sting of implication. I have observed suicides in other circles, and we are often admonished that we must check in with the people we love and assure them we love them. We are told the warning signs but are told the warning signs are not obvious, and the formal resources our society has for the suicidal are so dramatic and themselves so life-altering we question when it is appropriate to summon them.
I ask you, if he had known that I love him, do you really suppose that would have stopped him from jumping?
Try to find someone in your life and tell them how you really feel. Think carefully of everything they mean to you, stare into their eyes, and say those unspeakable things. Can you even do it? Will they even believe you? You cannot, as you yourself know if you have lost someone, even know—know—what they mean to you until they are gone, in the same way that you cannot know what food means to you until you are starving, and what air means to you until you are suffocating.
—
Death’s lessons do not stop there. Consider this lyrical example from a song that I hate:
He said
"I was finally the husband
That most of the time I wasn't
And I became a friend a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden going fishin'
Wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
Well I, I finally read the Good Book, and I
Took a good, long, hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again
And then
I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying"
And he said
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'"
The twee sentimentality of this saccharine appeal hides more than it shows. None of these things require a death sentence.
What do you suppose it would really mean “to live like you were dyin’” ? Would it look like this? If you knew death was a week away, if you could grasp that rue oblivion waited and soon, where would your time and your money go? Would your posture toward your credit cards change? How would you eat and drink? Where would you go? What would you say to people? How do you imagine a society that embraced this posture on principle would look? Will you go on living that way now?
As G.K. Chesterton wrote in Heretics of life under the shadow of Death:
Many of the most brilliant intellects of our time have urged us to the same self-conscious snatching at a rare delight. Walter Pater said that we were all under sentence of death, and the only course was to enjoy exquisite moments simply for those moments’ sake. The same lesson was taught by the very powerful and very desolate philosophy of Oscar Wilde. It is the carpe diem religion; but the carpe diem religion is not the religion of happy people, but of very unhappy people.
The threat of Death carries rather a more sinister implication than even Chesterton allowed. It is not solely a question unhappiness numbed through hollow pursuit of transient pleasure. For this we will turn to The Brothers Karamazov and the philosophy attributed to brother Ivan Fyodorovich, summarized in this instance by Pyotr Aleksandrovich Miusov:
Ivan Fyodorovitch added in parenthesis that the whole natural law lies in that faith, and that if you were to destroy in mankind the belief in immortality, not only love but every living force maintaining the life of the world would at once be dried up. Moreover, nothing then would be immoral, everything would be lawful, even cannibalism. That’s not all. He ended by asserting that for every individual, like ourselves, who does not believe in God or immortality, the moral law of nature must immediately be changed into the exact contrary of the former religious law, and that egoism, even to crime, must become not only lawful but even recognized as the inevitable, the most rational, even honorable outcome of his position. From this paradox, gentlemen, you can judge of the rest of our eccentric and paradoxical friend Ivan Fyodorovitch’s theories.
The lessons of Death include not merely fear but terror, narcissism, immiseration, dissipation, desperation, and resignation.
But it is not merely evil to take Death as your teacher, and to internalize these lessons.
I wish to submit to you, as you yourself know, that it is impossible.
—
Whenever anyone tries to take Death as their master, to live out these lessons, reality soon presses against them, and they set themselves at odds with the life they are seeking to cherish to its fullest. Those who “seize the day” in the form of the hedonism that the carpe diem religion encourages invariably hasten the very thing they seek to defy, their embrace of momentary pleasures soon landing themselves and others in misery, and often an early grave. We simply cannot live like we are “dyin’”.
More abstract but no less important, I rather doubt that you or perhaps anyone who has ever lived seriously believes that you will die someday. You know it will happen. Sometimes perhaps the awe of the realization creeps up on you and you become very close to grasping it but life itself soon whisks it away. Even when the philosophers and the theologians tell you memento mori, they are setting you up not to die, but to live. They tell you to remember this to impel you to orient yourself toward what follows your death, which is to say the thing you wish to outlast you, to live on, or else to mind your own eternal destiny.
Which is to say, they say it in expectation not that you will die but in fact that you will live for ever.
And here we come to an odd point. One of the exquisitely pious mourners at my grandfathers funeral said at one moment as an aside and with significant tone, “well, it is just sad, because, well, we tried to get him to go to church but he was just never very open to it, and so, it is sad...”
Did that person seriously believe he was in Hell? Does anyone seriously believe in this place? No, for the same reason that nobody seriously believes in Death. It is so astonishingly incapacitating that life simply refuses to allow you to go on in this posture. You may feel yourself come close to grasping it—close enough even for conversion—but the most devout, the most relentless, the most frantic evangelist cannot even at the very height of their exertion truly live out a belief that the vast majority of souls are destined for eternal misery. The magnitude of the prospect exhausts individual capacity far before it exhausts itself.
We find ourselves, when faced with That prospect, wondering things that sophisticated and dogmatic theologians tut-tut—asking simple questions to which they have powerful refutations, while forgiving quite easily offenses we know cannot be forgiven. We are faced with the impossible prospect, the great heresy, that we desire their good more than God Himself desires it.
As I reflect on my grandfather, who bore no visible sign of faith, I ask even as I know better, is it possible that I am more merficul than God? I reflect on my professor, who died committing a mortal sin, is it possible—is it possible—that I love my professor more than God?
—
The point that I wish to make is not a philosophical or a theological one, though it is those things, but a practical one.
Life itself forces us to live as though we will go on living. To connect as though we will connect forever, to love as though we will love forever.
Even to take people for granted, because we feel—even when we think we know otherwise—that it cannot ever be The End.
We will see them again.
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Watching No Way Home with my family (it's their first time) Pt 2!
Find part 1 here.
Basically, I'm writing down the funniest things that my non-Marvel family says while I show them NWH. (They don't know the extent of my Doctor Strange/ mcu obsession)
~~~~
*Doc Ock talks about how he doesn't want to be fixed*
Mom- "It's just like you not wanting to go to therapy"
(Okay, but that hit hard 😭)
~~
*Green Goblin starts beating Peter*
Mom- He's so violent!!
Me- *silently enjoying the whump*
~~
*May dies*
Mom- Peter should have listened to Strange!
Me- Yup
Brother- She died because of Goblin's Skateboard! It's just like the other movies!!
Mom- *crying* why May though?
Dad- All the Spider-Men had to lose someone
Brother- Speaking of which, when do the other ones come in?
~~
(After cheering their heads off about the other Spider-Men showing up)
Mom- "wow, Tobey got old"
Dad- "well it's been like 40 years"
~~
(Lots of laughing and calling out references)
~~
Brother- "Hey, where did your husband go?"
Me- (I've accepted it at this point) "he's still in the Grand Canyon"
~~
(Andrew pops Tobey's back)
Dad- that sounded so good! I could use a back popping now
Mom- that noise was awful!
~~
(Stephen appears again)
Brother- It's your husband!
Me- he looks so done
Dad- well yeah, he was in the Grand Canyon forever
~~
(Cloak saves Ned, Ned calls it a cape)
Mom- I thought it was a cloak?
Me- oh, it is!
~~
(MJ falls)
Mom- NOT THIS AGAIN!! (She just got over Gwen's death)
Dad- Oh Andrew saves her! It's a callback to his Spider-Man!
Me- *proud of my parents but also crying*
Mom- *sobbing* "He's emotional because he remembers how he couldn't catch his girl" *sobs some more*
~~
Mom- this can't get any more sad
Me- it does
Mom- how?
(Tobey gets stabbed)
Mom- HE DIES???
Me- no XD
~~
*forgetting spell happens*
Brother- that's kind of funny
Mom- *sobbing even more* " It did get worse!! WHY DIDNT HE TELL THEM? He's so stupid. Now he's alone and he has nobody to talk to and he could have made friends but he chose not to because he's Stupid!"
...
Mom- THATS THE END?? NAH THAT CANT BE THE END. I THOUGHT SUPER HERO MOVIES ENDED HAPPY?!
#doctor strange#stephen strange#Spider man#spider man no way home#no way home#Peter Parker#ned leeds#Zendaya#mj watson#funny#about me#my family#doc ock#doctor otto octavious#tobey maguire#andrew garfield#tom holland#benedict cumberbatch
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Finished episode 39. May not have a chance to get to 40 until later next week but kinda working through my feelings which are mixed about this episode:
DFS standing front and center with Sigu sect when receiving thanks is so amusing to me. He's a head taller and super visible too. Just the one prominent Jinyuan Alliance representative.
A part of me feels bad for child Shang Gudao - he lived his entire childhood being the afterthought, with less talent and ability over all. But as an adult, I'm just grossed out by him. Like by his age he should have....like. Found a monk to get friendly therapy from, joined a monastery, become an emo poet. He had options. Though with his karma, maybe he'd end up with evil versions of all of the above.
Why did Shang Gudao's meridians explode? Did his energy backfire through the broken meridians somehow?
Never trust emperors no matter how good their reputation is. D:
I still feel like the bug storyline would have been served better by focusing instead on a Di Fortress arc that leads to mind controlled super assassins storming the palace like attack dogs or something. Because as of now, Di Fortess feels like it's separate from rest of the series and just a blip in DFS's character background. While the palace stuff needs an additional episode to flesh out the emperor and the politics they hinted at
Over all, i enjoyed the episode! Buuuut I found there was a weird emotional disconnect between when the trio were working together and later on when the battle is done and DFS gives them the Styx flowers. It felt like the two were emotionally closer to DFS during the fight, but in the later scene, everyone was taking a big step back and deliberately resetting themselves to an earlier time.
Like FDB repeating an earlier line "You do have a conscience!" As if he's been consistently surprised at DFS doing anything altruistic. I know LLH never explained anything to him, and FDB bought into the demon sect narrative (which tbf is understandable - heretical sects have a reputation for reason) but he's seen evidence first hand that DFS does have it in him to help ppl if he wants to? So i find this flip flopping in attitude strange. He goes back and forth with being familiar and then acting like he doesn't know him at all.
I find it interesting that LLH equates fighting with promises of friendship between the two. Which, I think he thought dfs getting married to him, i mean, being friends that drink and look at the moon together, meant dfs had agreed. To be fair, dfs talks around it without promising anything, but I can see why llh would think otherwise lol.
LLH also repeats an early line to dfs, "You need to break your habit of eavesdropping."
Maybe it was all for the sake of emotional security, but I kinda want to shake them because I thought they moved from this point. But here they are, walking everything back so far they're repeating old lines from earlier episodes. 😬 Boys.
#mysterious lotus casebook#i would almost think the scenes are written out of order and maybe the Styx flower scene was written early#but i think this is intentional on the writer's part just not sure for what purpose#or maybe they're distancing from each other to redraw their allegience boundaries to where it “should be”#the first thing comes to mind is how boys get too mushy and close and draw far back out of embarrassment#li lianhua#di feisheng#fang duobing#analysis#my royal ramblings
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HAPPY SIMBLREEN 2022 ♥
AN A24 PICK’N’CHOOSE SPECIAL TREAT FOR YOU, CREATURES OF THE NIGHT !
As you can see, this year, I chose the studio a24 as a reference for my simblreen treats. What’s a24 ? An independant movie production studio that produces the best (or at least, very original) indie movies of the last two decades. They release all kind of movies but I have to admit that the a24 thrillers/horror ones are part of the best I’ve seen the past decade. As I saw and loved most of them, I decided to share with you this little gift, also as a way to for you to discover all these powerfull movies. But beware, most of them might change your life ....
a24 isn’t properly horror as you can imagine it the old way ... a24 is more pschological, focused on trauma usually and really makes you think about what you’re seeing or have seen just after the movie ends.
Below the cut you’ll find the list of all the movies with a little synopsis and a personnal thought about it if I saw it (adding the numbers of swatches for posters and sweaters) and you can also check the sweater swatches.
Get and choose your treats HERE (SFS, no adfly, always free, NO SIMSDOM OR ANY KIND OF PAYWALL/WEBSITE THAT USES OUR CREATIONS TO MAKE PROFIT, do not claim as your own, etc ... Don’t be a dick honey)
+ 2023 UPDATE : Get your new posters ! Added Beau Is Afraid and Talk To Me !
GIFT 1 : 132 a24 movie posters ! A lot of different swatches so you can use it on a lot of different style of room / builds. They’re all free in game (that way your sims could enjoy some good art without losing money) and can be found in the posters category. (type Madeofcc or a24 to find them easily).
GIFT 2 : PEARL ♥ A lovely killer to download. I’m bad at making real people in sims so she’s more a lookalike than a real Mia Goth sim. All the cc are included. She has just one outfit though.
GIFT 3 : 40 @clumsyalienn Blanche Sweater recolour. I added to new swatches to the original cc so you don’t have the same cc twice in your game. Delete the old one if you have it, I kept the original swatches and added the a24 ones I made. They’re all black though as I didn’t know which colour to choose. Black is always essential.
List of a24 horror movies (in order)
Under the skin, directed by Jonathan Glazer (2014) - 1 sweater + 5 posters
An otherworldly woman preys on men in Scotland through seduction. (one of the first horror movie that made me sad at the end. The first part of the movie will make you have a loooot of questions about what’s going on until you get to the end and realize what you’ve seen ... It’s a powerfull tell about hunt, humanity and how beautifull and dangerous the world can be)
Life after Beth directed by Jeff Baena (2014) - 1 sweater + 5 posters
After his girlfriend dies and miraculously comes back to life, Zach takes the opportunity to experience all the things he regretted not doing with her before. (still have to see it ... But Aubrey Plaza is awesome in everything so this should be good. It’s a horror comedy)
Tusk directed by Kevin Smith (2014) - 5 posters
A podcaster is tortured by a strange man who plans to fit him into a perfectly constructed walrus costume. (you read it corrrectly ... one of the most disturbing movie I’ve seen in my life ! It’s basically some kind of human centipede thing in which a man is turned into a walrus of flesh and bones ! It is very disturbing but also has a strong reflexion on humanity. But seriously, think twice about watching it because you’ll never forget it)
The VVitch directed by Robert Eggers (2016) - 4 sweaters + 5 posters
In the 17th century, a Puritan family encounters forces of evil in the woods beyond their New England farm. (I discovered one of my new favourite director and actress with this first movie ! The Witch is not like any other witch movie that will make you see an old creepy woman do horrible things ... Evil is more insidious and the director makes you think about you’re seeing/happening most of the time. The end is awesome and Anyah Taylor Joy really shows that she’s one of the best actress of her generation in just one take. Would you like to live deliciously ?)
Green Room directed by Jeremie Saulnier (2016) - 1 sweater + 5 posters
A punk band finds themselves attacked by neo-Nazi skinheads after witnessing a murder at a remote club. (one of the last Anton Yelchin’s movie. It’s raw, violent and with a permanent tension ! The cinematography is awesome, you really have that green effect all along and, let’s face it, seeing a bunch of racists getting killed by a punk rock band isn’t the hardest thing to watch, even though, the movie is really violent ^^’ it’s also good to see Patrick Stewart walking once in a while)
Into the forest directed by Patricia Rozema (2016) - 5 posters
Two sisters living with their father have their peaceful lives interrupted after a continent-wide power outage. (still have to see it because it hasn’t been release in France. I’m not sure it’s properly a horror movie but apocalypse is always a good theme, especially with two good actor/actress such as Elliott Page and Evan Rachel Wood. It’s also directed by a woman so support female director !)
The Monster directed by Brian Bertino (2016) - 1 poster
A woman and her daughter find themselves stranded at night with a malicious creature hunting them. (I didn’t like it in my memory. Saw it a while ago to see Zoe Kazan but it wasn’t what I expected. It’s just a personnal opinion though)
The Blackcoat’s Daughter directed by Oz Perkins (2017) - 1 sweater+ 4 posters
Two girls left behind at their boarding school over winter break must battle a mysterious force of evil. (I remember watching this movie because of Emma Roberts but I don’t remember the plot at all ... It might be good though, but it really didn’t make a place in my head I guess ...)
It comes at night directed by Trey Edward Shults (2017) - 3 posters
A family hides in a forest as the Earth is taken over by a highly contagious disease. (it wasn’t what I expected at all so in my memory I didn’t like it but the story is interesting and it’s all about what we think could happen and what especially happens in the dark. At the end, we’re facing a simple human drama. Devastating)
The Killing of a sacred deer directed by Yorgos Lanthimos (2017) - 2 sweaters + 5 posters
After a cardiac surgeon befriends a teenage boy with a connection to his past, his family begins to fall mysteriously ill. (I could have included all Yorgos Lanthimos movies because they’re all a bit spooky in a way but this one is close to Funny Games, in a weird way. There’s not a lot happening and most long shot but the tension is permanent and the story, really, scary)
Hereditary directed by Ari Aster (2018) - 4 sweaters + 5 posters
A family is haunted by an evil presence after the death of their secretive grandmother. (this one really made a move in the horror genre. Ari Aster created one of the most terrifying film of the decade with this one that will probably haunts you as well after you saw it. Personally, I still have in mind a lot of crazy scenes, years after seeing them! The ending especially has traumatized me a bit ^^” it is very disturbing and a brilliant horror movie)
Slice directed by Austin Visely (2018) - 1 sweater + 2 posters
Following the violent murders of several pizza deliverymen, two survivors set out to catch the culprits. (Still have to see it, it’s a horror comedy)
The Hole in the ground directed by Lee Cronin (2019) - 3 posters
After her son briefly vanishes, Sarah begins to fear that the boy who returned may not be her son at all. (Still have to see it but looks like some kind of Babadook story around here ... Might be good)
Climax directed by Gaspar Noé (2019) - 2 sweaters + 5 posters
A French dance troupe throws a party that takes a dark turn after everyone consumes sangria laced with LSD. (Only saw the 15 first minutes. I have to admit that I’m not a huge fan of this director, even though he really can be talented, his work is most of the time super violent and hard to watch so, beware before watching this one as well. I’m not sure I’ll ever watch that film again because I’m scared to see what could happen ><)
High Life directed by Claire Denis (2019) - 3 posters
A group of criminals is sent on a space mission, traveling towards a black hole. (I love Claire Denis and Robert Pattinson (except in Twilight) so this one was a good surprise ! This movie is the perfect example that you don’t need a big budget to actually make a good SF movie ! It was also a new way to see all the usual bullshit that can happen in space horror, mixed with a touch of french cinema so ... A real experience)
Midsommar directed by Ari Aster (2019) - 4 sweaters + 7 posters
A group of friends travels to Sweden for a festival that occurs once every 90 years, only to find themselves in the clutches of a Scandinavian pagan cult. (Ari Aster is back ! After the trauma of Hereditary, now we travel with Florence Pugh and her depression in Sweden for a bloody and very loooooong Midsommar ! This movie is an experience like no other. It’s long, around 2h30 and 3h if you watch the director’s cut (I saw both and the director’s one is kind of better with just little addition, anyway) The story is simple but the screenplay is well made and will give you the thrill without showing you anything but flowers and sunlight. The ending is shocking but a releaf for the viewer as well as for Florence Pugh’s character ... I still don’t know if I love or hate this movie though XD)
The Lighthouse directed by Robert Eggers (2019)- 4 sweaters + 6 posters
Stranded on an island, two lighthouse keepers descend into madness. (After The Witch, now the men ... This movie confirmed that Robert Eggers was a new director to follow. With The Lighthouse, Eggers creates a beautifull but terrifying piece of art here, with amazing actors (Dafo is, as usual, as brilliant as scary crazy, and Pattinson really shows a new card here but I won’t say more). This movie is kind of disturbing in a way that you’ll experiment the close space and environment where the characters live but you’ll also fall pretty deep into their insanity ...)
In Fabric directed by Peter Strickland (2019) - 1 sweater + 3 posters
A haunted red dress torments its owners. (I watched the first 40 minutes, which were weird. I love that we have a black female character for the lead but I was also very disturbed by one particular scene with an old white man so I kind of stopped the movie to watch it another time ...)
Saint Maude directed by Rose Glass (2021) - 1 sweater + 6 posters
Hospice nurse Maud, a recent convert to Roman Catholicism, becomes obsessed with saving the soul of one of her patients.
(still have to see it but I always love weird creepy story about christians .... White people are the craziest ... Same vibes as the Servant serie)
False Positive directed by John Lee (2021) - 1 poster
A woman begins to suspect there is something sinister about her pregnancy. (still have to see it ... There’s Justin Theroux in it so at least there’s something nice to look at I guess ...)
Lamb directed by Valdimar Jóhannsson (2021)- 4 ADA sweaters + 5 posters
A childless couple in rural Iceland finds themselves parenting an endearing but unsettlingly humanoid lamb. (okay ... This one ... I saw it few weeks ago and it really was something. The story is very simple and could be resume in 2 sentences just to tell you the entire movie. It’s pretty long as there’s not a lot going on but the tension is weirdly permanent, you know that something is coming but you don’t know what, when, where ... Ada, the little Lamb, will first make you say “wtf” at least 15 times until you realise you’re as addicted to her as her adoptive mom ... Anyway, never fuck around with nature ♥)
X directed by Ti West (2022) - 2 sweaters + 5 posters
A production team filming a porno finds themselves in danger while staying in a secluded farmhouse in Texas. (One of the best surprise of the year ! I watch it mainly for the cast and also the see a bunch of people being killed by some old couple but I really didn’t expect that ! The movie takes a looot of time to settle everything to make everything kind of explode in a extreme rage at the end of the movie. The death are gory, violent and the characters are as well written as the already iconic vilain of the movie : Pearl ♥ Mia Goth and Ti West really created a new iconic horror vilain here that we actually would like to see more ! This movie is also the first to be released but the second in the story order as Ti West decided to make a prequel and a sequel to X ! I already look further to discover them)
Men directed by Alex Garland (2022) - 4 posters
A young woman goes on a solo vacation in the English countryside after the death of her ex-husband. (Veeeeeery spooky this one ! Alex Garland is a brilliant director and really made a beautifull movie here. Not that the story will make you cry like a beautifull life drama, no. Alex Garland is a director that pictures nature perfectly. Focusing on flowers and trees rather than blood and guts, he really created here a brilliant allegory of the male toxicity around. Some scene are as beautifull as traumatic and you’ll probably never see you mail box on your door the same way, ever ...)
Bodies, Bodies, Bodies directed by Alina Reijn (2022) - 6 posters
A murder transpires during a party between young, rich, and backstabbing friends. (Finally saw it this week and .... It was not was I expected but it was probably one of the funniest a24 horror I’ve seen ! The movie is a good criticism about insta girls/guys who are so selfish they don’t realize what’s happening around them XD You’ll probably never forget that ending !)
Pearl directed by Ti West (2022) - 2 sweaters + 5 posters
A prequel to X, it follows the origins of Pearl and how she became the person she was.
(A brilliant masterpiece ! Mia Goth is amazing and really deserves all the awards for her performance ! Really one of the best film I saw in 2022 ... Ti West and Mia Goth are also preparing a sequel to X called Maxxxine, that will be released next year)
Beau Is Afraid by Ari Aster (2023) - 6 posters
A paranoid man embarks on an epic odyssey to get home to his mother ... (Still have to see it ... It’s 3h long ... But it looks epic indeed.)
Talk To Me by Danny and Michael Philippou (2023) - 6 posters
When a group of friends discover how to conjure spirits using an embalmed hand, they become hooked on the new thrill, until one of them goes too far and unleashes terrifying supernatural forces. (I have to admit that it was not what I expected - a slasher with Death - but it was scary and spooky. The hand thing is really creepy and there’s some very violent moment that you’re not ready to forget ...)
+ EXTRA SWATCHES : these films aren’t typically horror but they’re some kind of creepy and a24 with good visuals so ...
Enemy directed by Denis Villeneuve (2013) + 2 sweaters + 7 posters
The lives of two identical men with two distinct personas become intertwined. (2 Jake Gyllenhall in 1 movie ... Come on !!!! An instant masterpiece)
Under the Silver Lake directed by David Robert Mitchell (2019) (suggested by @bauhauzzz thanks a lot ♥) 2 sweaters + 5 posters
A young man investigates the sudden disappearance of his neighbor, only to stumble upon a dangerous conspiracy. (Andrew Garfield as a crazy characters for the director of It Follows ... A long, mysterious experience in my memory, with a shocking ending and a lot of David Lynch vibes)
#ts4cc#sims4cc#simblreen#simblreen treats#enjoy :)#ts4#sims4#a24#sims4 a24#a24 horror#hope you enjoy the treats
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Hey I really like your page! Especially your analysis on Rhaenys-Rhaenyra.
Initially I sort of shipped Rhaenys x Corlys (until I read she was 16 and he was 37) (I don’t care about the fact that it was medieval or whatever it’s still weird)
they seemed happy though so good for them!
I feel as though GRRM making Corlys cheat on her with a teenager, just sort of ruined his character for me. The fact that he only named Addam and Alyn ‘Velaryons’ after Rhaenys died. Disrespectful! It really rubs me the wrong way.
Like hello Baela is right there! What are your thoughts on what Corlys does with regards to his alleged affair, and passing off driftmark to Addam-Alyn over Baela?
Hello! Thank you, first of all, for taking such an interest. And thank you for messaging me, that's lovely and kind of you. Yes, the age thing is so frigging weird but I take stock in the fact that even with the age gap, in the books, GRRM did basically everything to say that it was as consensual as it could be, that Rhaenys was the one who asked for the marriage, that it was a happy occasion and a usually happy marriage. And, above anything else, GRRM stresses very much the fact that these two were equals within the partnership. At the end of it, I think that Corlys loved her and she loved Corlys.
Although, thank goodness the show changes their age. They are both said to be in the same age brackets in the script (i.e 40s at the Great Council). And the actors themselves have only about 6 years between them which is fine. Nor do we have any information about when the two married in the show!universe. So no alarm bells on that side of things.
It's strange, when you come to the Addam/Alyn debate. And I generally flip-flip, especially when we talk about the book. I don't think it's so cut and dry that they aren't Laenor's. I know that sounds like I'm making excuses so as not to ruin my ship, but it's far more plausible that they are Laenor's in the book.
There is the age difference of it all, there is the steadfastness to which they all claim it, there is the fact that the rumours come from Mushroom who likes to stir things and that the other scholars cannot and will not agree as to the boys' origins. Laenor had opportunity and motive, despite his sexuality. The boys would be around Jace's age, therefore the time in which he was going to convince himself that he needed heirs and needed to bed a woman and if he felt cuckolded, however rightly/wrongly, then that could have motivated multiple sexual encounters with Marilda. There is also the fact that one can dragon-ride. Either they get that from Laenor, or the Velaryon dragon-riding (if it exists) kicks in at an especially opportune moment, or their mother has some dragonseed in her. We have no explanation. If GRRM can be so overt in saying that Jace, Luke and Joff are not Laenor's, then why could he not be over saying the Hull boys were not? So I think it's ambiguous.
In the show? Gosh darn it, I know they are going to be Corlys's kids. Luckily, the show has already established that this Corlys can totally love Rhaenys and be adoring to his wife... but be a total idiot and hurt her in the process. I'll be interested to see how they present it all, but I wouldn't be surprised if Rhaenys knows all about it. After all, Alyn is a part of the Fleet in the show, rather than hidden away in Hull.
Moving on to the succession, what interests me is that it's not Corlys who pushes for their legitimisation. He only brings them forward as dragonseeds. It's Jace who asks for it, and then Rhaenyra grants it. It's done to reward for Addam bonding with a dragon and Alyn risking his life for it. It's not billed or suggested that it's a sneaky political move that Corlys has always planned. It's not even suggested that he's done it in any way to disrespect Rhaenys. I think the fact that he refuses to acknowledge them as his sons, if indeed they are, is a show of respect to Rhaenys in a weird way. He refuses to bring shame upon her, despite her being dead and the repercussions of claiming Alyn and Addam being pretty minimal, that I can see.
Also, at that point, it's not a case of picking between the Hull boys and Baela. The next Heir to Driftmark would have been Joffrey. So I sort of view it a bit more innocently than I know some do.
I don't think there is ever a point where it would be realistic or advantageous to switch the inheritance over to Baela. I don't think that is even a thought that enters Corlys's head. His heir is his son/grandson. It's the one that leads the Fleet. Baela is imprisoned for quite a while when Alyn takes over after the death of Addam. He is a military leader and acts on behalf of Corlys when Corlys is imprisoned as well. It would be churlish to reward such service with a disinheritance and Alyn does present himself as a suitable heir. There's little to no reason for Corlys to undo this.
There's also Baela's strategic position. She has a claim to the Throne. She is also of an age to marry. If she were heir to the Throne or to Driftmark or any of that, then people would seek to use her. They would try and marry her and then they would command the Fleet and/or more.
All in all, I don't think the issue is cut and dry. I don't believe it's an act of harm against Baela. It may not even be a conscious thought. Baela in book and show has not been raised to expect that inheritance. She does not expect, or shown any wish, to be Lady of the Tides in her own right. Corlys does not spurn Baela, even if there is a world in which the Driftwood Throne would have been hers.
I hope all that makes sense. I was typing very fast and not particularly with any care.
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Fun fact! There is nothing stopping you from posting the entirety of Shakespeare plays on Tumblr.com!
Exhibit 1 — The Comedy of Errors:
ACT 1
Scene 1
Enter ⌜Solinus⌝ the Duke of Ephesus, with ⌜Egeon⌝ the
Merchant of Syracuse, Jailer, and other Attendants.
EGEON
Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall,
And by the doom of death end woes and all.
DUKE
Merchant of Syracusa, plead no more.
I am not partial to infringe our laws.
5 The enmity and discord which of late
Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke
To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,
Who, wanting guilders to redeem their lives,
Have sealed his rigorous statutes with their bloods,
10 Excludes all pity from our threat’ning looks.
For since the mortal and intestine jars
’Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,
It hath in solemn synods been decreed,
Both by the Syracusians and ourselves,
15 To admit no traffic to our adverse towns.
Nay, more, if any born at Ephesus
Be seen at Syracusian marts and fairs;
Again, if any Syracusian born
Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies,
20 His goods confiscate to the Duke’s dispose,
p. 9
Unless a thousand marks be levièd
To quit the penalty and to ransom him.
Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,
Cannot amount unto a hundred marks;
25 Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.
EGEON
Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,
My woes end likewise with the evening sun.
DUKE
Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause
Why thou departedst from thy native home
30 And for what cause thou cam’st to Ephesus.
EGEON
A heavier task could not have been imposed
Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable;
Yet, that the world may witness that my end
Was wrought by nature, not by vile offense,
35 I’ll utter what my sorrow gives me leave.
In Syracusa was I born, and wed
Unto a woman happy but for me,
And by me, had not our hap been bad.
With her I lived in joy. Our wealth increased
40 By prosperous voyages I often made
To Epidamium, till my factor’s death
And ⌜the⌝ great care of goods at random left
Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse;
From whom my absence was not six months old
45 Before herself—almost at fainting under
The pleasing punishment that women bear—
Had made provision for her following me
And soon and safe arrivèd where I was.
There had she not been long but she became
50 A joyful mother of two goodly sons,
And, which was strange, the one so like the other
As could not be distinguished but by names.
p. 11
That very hour, and in the selfsame inn,
A mean woman was deliverèd
55 Of such a burden, male twins, both alike.
Those, for their parents were exceeding poor,
I bought and brought up to attend my sons.
My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,
Made daily motions for our home return.
60 Unwilling, I agreed. Alas, too soon
We came aboard.
A league from Epidamium had we sailed
Before the always-wind-obeying deep
Gave any tragic instance of our harm;
65 But longer did we not retain much hope,
For what obscurèd light the heavens did grant
Did but convey unto our fearful minds
A doubtful warrant of immediate death,
Which though myself would gladly have embraced,
70 Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,
Weeping before for what she saw must come,
And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,
That mourned for fashion, ignorant what to fear,
Forced me to seek delays for them and me.
75 And this it was, for other means was none:
The sailors sought for safety by our boat
And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us.
My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
Had fastened him unto a small spare mast,
80 Such as seafaring men provide for storms.
To him one of the other twins was bound,
Whilst I had been like heedful of the other.
The children thus disposed, my wife and I,
Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixed,
85 Fastened ourselves at either end the mast
And, floating straight, obedient to the stream,
Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.
p. 13
At length the sun, gazing upon the earth,
Dispersed those vapors that offended us,
90 And by the benefit of his wished light
The seas waxed calm, and we discoverèd
Two ships from far, making amain to us,
Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this.
But ere they came—O, let me say no more!
95 Gather the sequel by that went before.
DUKE
Nay, forward, old man. Do not break off so,
For we may pity though not pardon thee.
EGEON
O, had the gods done so, I had not now
Worthily termed them merciless to us.
100 For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues,
We were encountered by a mighty rock,
Which being violently borne ⌜upon,⌝
Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;
So that, in this unjust divorce of us,
105 Fortune had left to both of us alike
What to delight in, what to sorrow for.
Her part, poor soul, seeming as burdenèd
With lesser weight, but not with lesser woe,
Was carried with more speed before the wind,
110 And in our sight they three were taken up
By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.
At length, another ship had seized on us
And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,
Gave healthful welcome to their shipwracked guests,
115 And would have reft the fishers of their prey
Had not their ⌜bark⌝ been very slow of sail;
And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
Thus have you heard me severed from my bliss,
That by misfortunes was my life prolonged
120 To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.
p. 15
DUKE
And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,
Do me the favor to dilate at full
What have befall’n of them and ⌜thee⌝ till now.
EGEON
My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care,
125 At eighteen years became inquisitive
After his brother, and importuned me
That his attendant—so his case was like,
Reft of his brother, but retained his name—
Might bear him company in the quest of him,
130 Whom whilst I labored of a love to see,
I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.
Five summers have I spent in farthest Greece,
Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,
And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus,
135 Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought
Or that or any place that harbors men.
But here must end the story of my life;
And happy were I in my timely death
Could all my travels warrant me they live.
DUKE
140 Hapless Egeon, whom the fates have marked
To bear the extremity of dire mishap,
Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,
Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,
Which princes, would they, may not disannul,
145 My soul should sue as advocate for thee.
But though thou art adjudgèd to the death,
And passèd sentence may not be recalled
But to our honor’s great disparagement,
Yet will I favor thee in what I can.
150 Therefore, merchant, I’ll limit thee this day
To seek thy ⌜life⌝ by beneficial help.
Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,
p. 17
And live. If no, then thou art doomed to die.—
155 Jailer, take him to thy custody.
JAILER I will, my lord.
EGEON
Hopeless and helpless doth Egeon wend,
But to procrastinate his lifeless end.
They exit.
⌜Scene 2⌝
Enter Antipholus ⌜of Syracuse, First⌝ Merchant, and
Dromio ⌜of Syracuse.⌝
⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT
Therefore give out you are of Epidamium,
Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
This very day a Syracusian merchant
Is apprehended for arrival here
5 And, not being able to buy out his life,
According to the statute of the town
Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
There is your money that I had to keep.
⌜He gives money.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, handing money to Dromio⌝
Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,
10 And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
Within this hour it will be dinnertime.
Till that, I’ll view the manners of the town,
Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
And then return and sleep within mine inn,
15 For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
Get thee away.
DROMIO ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Many a man would take you at your word
And go indeed, having so good a mean.
Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ exits.
p. 19
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,
20 When I am dull with care and melancholy,
Lightens my humor with his merry jests.
What, will you walk with me about the town
And then go to my inn and dine with me?
⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT
I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,
25 Of whom I hope to make much benefit.
I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock,
Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart
And afterward consort you till bedtime.
My present business calls me from you now.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
30 Farewell till then. I will go lose myself
And wander up and down to view the city.
⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT
Sir, I commend you to your own content.⌜He exits.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
He that commends me to mine own content
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
35 I to the world am like a drop of water
That in the ocean seeks another drop,
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself.
So I, to find a mother and a brother,
40 In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
Enter Dromio of Ephesus.
Here comes the almanac of my true date.—
What now? How chance thou art returned so soon?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Returned so soon? Rather approached too late!
The capon burns; the pig falls from the spit;
45 The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
My mistress made it one upon my cheek.
p. 21
She is so hot because the meat is cold;
The meat is cold because you come not home;
You come not home because you have no stomach;
50 You have no stomach, having broke your fast.
But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray
Are penitent for your default today.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray:
Where have you left the money that I gave you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
55 O, sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last
To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper?
The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
I am not in a sportive humor now.
Tell me, and dally not: where is the money?
60 We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust
So great a charge from thine own custody?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner.
I from my mistress come to you in post;
If I return, I shall be post indeed,
65 For she will scour your fault upon my pate.
Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your
⌜clock,⌝
And strike you home without a messenger.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season.
70 Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.
Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me!
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
p. 23
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
75 My charge was but to fetch you from the mart
Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner.
My mistress and her sister stays for you.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Now, as I am a Christian, answer me
In what safe place you have bestowed my money,
80 Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
That stands on tricks when I am undisposed.
Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders,
85 But not a thousand marks between you both.
If I should pay your Worship those again,
Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast
thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
90 Your Worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix,
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner
And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, beating Dromio⌝
What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
95 What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your
hands.
Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels.
Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus exits.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Upon my life, by some device or other
The villain is ⌜o’erraught⌝ of all my money.
100 They say this town is full of cozenage,
As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
p. 25
Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks,
105 And many suchlike liberties of sin.
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave.
I greatly fear my money is not safe.
He exits.
p. 29
ACT 2
⌜Scene 1⌝
Enter Adriana, wife to Antipholus ⌜of Ephesus,⌝ with
Luciana, her sister.
ADRIANA
Neither my husband nor the slave returned
That in such haste I sent to seek his master?
Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.
LUCIANA
Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
5 And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.
A man is master of his liberty;
Time is their master, and when they see time
They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.
ADRIANA
10 Why should their liberty than ours be more?
LUCIANA
Because their business still lies out o’ door.
ADRIANA
Look when I serve him so, he takes it ⌜ill.⌝
LUCIANA
O, know he is the bridle of your will.
ADRIANA
There’s none but asses will be bridled so.
LUCIANA
15 Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.
p. 31
There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye
But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.
The beasts, the fishes, and the wingèd fowls
Are their males’ subjects and at their controls.
20 Man, more divine, the master of all these,
Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas,
Endued with intellectual sense and souls,
Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,
Are masters to their females, and their lords.
25 Then let your will attend on their accords.
ADRIANA
This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
LUCIANA
Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.
ADRIANA
But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
LUCIANA
Ere I learn love, I’ll practice to obey.
ADRIANA
30 How if your husband start some otherwhere?
LUCIANA
Till he come home again, I would forbear.
ADRIANA
Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause;
They can be meek that have no other cause.
A wretched soul bruised with adversity
35 We bid be quiet when we hear it cry,
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience would relieve me;
40 But if thou live to see like right bereft,
This fool-begged patience in thee will be left.
LUCIANA
Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.
p. 33
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus.
ADRIANA
Say, is your tardy master now at hand?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 45Nay, he’s at two hands with me,
and that my two ears can witness.
ADRIANA
Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his
mind?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear.
50 Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
LUCIANA Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel
his meaning?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, he struck so plainly I could
too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully
55 that I could scarce understand them.
ADRIANA
But say, I prithee, is he coming home?
It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Why, mistress, sure my master is horn mad.
ADRIANA
Horn mad, thou villain?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 60 I mean not cuckold mad,
But sure he is stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to dinner,
He asked me for a ⌜thousand⌝ marks in gold.
“’Tis dinnertime,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
65 “Your meat doth burn,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth
he.
“Will you come?” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
“Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?”
“The pig,” quoth I, “is burned.” “My gold,” quoth
70 he.
p. 35
“My mistress, sir,” quoth I. “Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress. Out on thy mistress!”
LUCIANA Quoth who?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Quoth my master.
75 “I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no
mistress.”
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders,
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
ADRIANA
80 Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Go back again and be new beaten home?
For God’s sake, send some other messenger.
ADRIANA
Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And he will bless that cross with other beating.
85 Between you, I shall have a holy head.
ADRIANA
Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Am I so round with you as you with me,
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither.
90 If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
⌜He exits.⌝
LUCIANA
Fie, how impatience loureth in your face.
ADRIANA
His company must do his minions grace,
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Hath homely age th’ alluring beauty took
95 From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it.
Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,
p. 37
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
100 That’s not my fault; he’s master of my state.
What ruins are in me that can be found
By him not ruined? Then is he the ground
Of my defeatures. My decayèd fair
A sunny look of his would soon repair.
105 But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale.
LUCIANA
Self-harming jealousy, fie, beat it hence.
ADRIANA
Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
110 Or else what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promised me a chain.
Would that alone o’ love he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.
I see the jewel best enamelèd
115 Will lose his beauty. Yet the gold bides still
That others touch, and often touching will
⌜Wear⌝ gold; ⌜yet⌝ no man that hath a name
By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
120 I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die.
LUCIANA
How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
⌜They⌝ exit.
⌜Scene 2⌝
Enter Antipholus ⌜of Syracuse.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave
p. 39
Is wandered forth in care to seek me out.
By computation and mine host’s report,
5 I could not speak with Dromio since at first
I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.
How now, sir? Is your merry humor altered?
As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
You know no Centaur? You received no gold?
10 Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
What answer, sir? When spake I such a word?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Even now, even here, not half an hour since.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
15 I did not see you since you sent me hence,
Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Villain, thou didst deny the gold’s receipt
And told’st me of a mistress and a dinner,
For which I hope thou felt’st I was displeased.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
20 I am glad to see you in this merry vein.
What means this jest, I pray you, master, tell me?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that and that.
Beats Dromio.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Hold, sir, for God’s sake! Now your jest is earnest.
25 Upon what bargain do you give it me?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Because that I familiarly sometimes
Do use you for my fool and chat with you,
p. 41
Your sauciness will jest upon my love
And make a common of my serious hours.
30 When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 35“Sconce” call you it? So you
would leave battering, I had rather have it a
“head.” An you use these blows long, I must get a
sconce for my head and ensconce it too, or else I
shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir,
40 why am I beaten?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Dost thou not know?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nothing, sir, but that I am
beaten.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Shall I tell you why?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 45Ay, sir, and wherefore, for they
say every why hath a wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ “Why” first: for flouting
me; and then “wherefore”: for urging it the second
time to me.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
50 Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
When in the “why” and the “wherefore” is neither
rhyme nor reason?
Well, sir, I thank you.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Thank me, sir, for what?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 55Marry, sir, for this something
that you gave me for nothing.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ I’ll make you amends next,
to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it
dinnertime?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 60No, sir, I think the meat wants
that I have.
p. 43
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ In good time, sir, what’s
that?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Basting.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 65Well, sir, then ’twill be dry.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of
it.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Your reason?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Lest it make you choleric and
70 purchase me another dry basting.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Well, sir, learn to jest in
good time. There’s a time for all things.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I durst have denied that before
you were so choleric.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 75By what rule, sir?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as
the plain bald pate of Father Time himself.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Let’s hear it.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE There’s no time for a man to
80 recover his hair that grows bald by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ May he not do it by fine and
recovery?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig,
and recover the lost hair of another man.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 85Why is Time such a niggard
of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Because it is a blessing that he
bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted ⌜men⌝
in hair, he hath given them in wit.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 90Why, but there’s many a
man hath more hair than wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Not a man of those but he hath
the wit to lose his hair.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Why, thou didst conclude
95 hairy men plain dealers without wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE The plainer dealer, the sooner
lost. Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.
p. 45
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ For what reason?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE For two, and sound ones too.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 100Nay, not sound, I pray you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Sure ones, then.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ Nay, not sure, in a thing
falsing.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Certain ones, then.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ 105Name them.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE The one, to save the money that
he spends in ⌜tiring;⌝ the other, that at dinner they
should not drop in his porridge.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ You would all this time
110 have proved there is no time for all things.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, and did, sir: namely, e’en
no time to recover hair lost by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ But your reason was not
substantial why there is no time to recover.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 115Thus I mend it: Time himself is
bald and therefore, to the world’s end, will have
bald followers.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ I knew ’twould be a bald
conclusion. But soft, who wafts us yonder?
Enter Adriana, ⌜beckoning them,⌝ and Luciana.
ADRIANA
120 Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown.
Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects.
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow
That never words were music to thine ear,
125 That never object pleasing in thine eye,
That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
That never meat sweet-savored in thy taste,
Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to
thee.
130 How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it
p. 47
That thou art then estrangèd from thyself?
“Thyself” I call it, being strange to me,
That, undividable, incorporate,
Am better than thy dear self’s better part.
135 Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!
For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
And take unmingled thence that drop again
Without addition or diminishing,
140 As take from me thyself and not me too.
How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,
Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious
And that this body, consecrate to thee,
By ruffian lust should be contaminate!
145 Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,
And hurl the name of husband in my face,
And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow,
And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?
150 I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it.
I am possessed with an adulterate blot;
My blood is mingled with the crime of lust;
For if we two be one, and thou play false,
I do digest the poison of thy flesh,
155 Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed,
I live distained, thou undishonorèd.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not.
In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
160 As strange unto your town as to your talk,
Who, every word by all my wit being scanned,
Wants wit in all one word to understand.
LUCIANA
Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you!
p. 49
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
165 She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝ By Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE By me?
ADRIANA
By thee; and this thou didst return from him:
That he did buffet thee and, in his blows,
170 Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?
What is the course and drift of your compact?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I, sir? I never saw her till this time.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Villain, thou liest, for even her very words
175 Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I never spake with her in all my life.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
How can she thus then call us by our names—
Unless it be by inspiration?
ADRIANA
How ill agrees it with your gravity
180 To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
Abetting him to thwart me in my mood.
Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,
But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine.
⌜She takes his arm.⌝
185 Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
Whose weakness, married to thy ⌜stronger⌝ state,
Makes me with thy strength to communicate.
If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss,
190 Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.
p. 51
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝
To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme.
What, was I married to her in my dream?
Or sleep I now and think I hear all this?
195 What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?
Until I know this sure uncertainty
I’ll entertain the ⌜offered⌝ fallacy.
LUCIANA
Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
⌜He crosses himself.⌝
200 This is the fairy land. O spite of spites!
We talk with goblins, owls, and sprites.
If we obey them not, this will ensue:
They’ll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.
LUCIANA
Why prat’st thou to thyself and answer’st not?
205 Dromio—thou, Dromio—thou snail, thou slug,
thou sot.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I am transformèd, master, am I not?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
I think thou art in mind, and so am I.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
210 Thou hast thine own form.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, I am an ape.
LUCIANA
If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
’Tis true. She rides me, and I long for grass.
’Tis so. I am an ass; else it could never be
215 But I should know her as well as she knows me.
p. 53
ADRIANA
Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye and weep
Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn.
Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep the gate.—
220 Husband, I’ll dine above with you today,
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
⌜To Dromio.⌝ Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.—
Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝
225 Am I in Earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Sleeping or waking, mad or well-advised?
Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
I’ll say as they say, and persever so,
And in this mist at all adventures go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
230 Master, shall I be porter at the gate?
ADRIANA
Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
LUCIANA
Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
⌜They exit.⌝
p. 57
ACT 3
Scene 1
Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo
the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.
Say that I lingered with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
5 And that tomorrow you will bring it home.
But here’s a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.—
10 Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know.
That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to
show;
If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave
15 were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Marry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
p. 59
20 I should kick being kicked and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You’re sad, Signior Balthasar. Pray God our cheer
May answer my goodwill and your good welcome
here.
BALTHASAR
25 I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome
dear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
O Signior Balthasar, either at flesh or fish
A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty
dish.
BALTHASAR
30 Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but
words.
BALTHASAR
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry
feast.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
35 Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest.
But though my cates be mean, take them in good
part.
Better cheer may you have, but not with better
heart.⌜He attempts to open the door.⌝
40 But soft! My door is locked. ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Go, bid
them let us in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Maud, Bridget, Marian, Ciceley, Gillian, Ginn!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!
Either get thee from the door or sit down at the
45 hatch.
p. 61
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for
such store
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the
door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
50 What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
the street.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch
cold on ’s feet.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Who talks within there? Ho, open the door.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
55 Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you’ll tell me
wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
Nor today here you must not. Come again when you
may.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
60 What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I
owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
The porter for this time, sir, and my name is
Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my
65 name!
The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle
blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or
70 thy name for an ass.
p. 63
Enter Luce ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus
and his company.⌝
LUCE
What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the
gate?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Let my master in, Luce.
LUCE Faith, no, he comes too late,
75 And so tell your master.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS O Lord, I must laugh.
Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff?
LUCE
Have at you with another: that’s—When, can you
tell?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
80 If thy name be called “Luce,” Luce, thou hast
answered him well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝
Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope?
LUCE
I thought to have asked you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝ And you said no.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
85 So, come help. Well struck! There was blow for
blow.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝
Thou baggage, let me in.
LUCE Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Master, knock the door hard.
LUCE 90 Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
⌜He beats on the door.⌝
p. 65
LUCE
What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the
town?
Enter Adriana, ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus
and his company.⌝
ADRIANA
Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
95 By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly
boys.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Are you there, wife? You might have come before.
ADRIANA
Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
⌜Adriana and Luce exit.⌝
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
If you went in pain, master, this knave would go
100 sore.
ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome. We would
fain have either.
BALTHASAR
In debating which was best, we shall part with
neither.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
105 They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome
hither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
There is something in the wind, that we cannot get
in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
You would say so, master, if your garments were
110 thin.
Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in
the cold.
p. 67
It would make a man mad as a buck to be so
bought and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
115 Go, fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s
pate.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
A man may break a word with ⌜you,⌝ sir, and words
are but wind,
120 Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not
behind.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Here’s too much “Out upon thee!” I pray thee, let
me in.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝
125 Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no
fin.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝
Well, I’ll break in. Go, borrow me a crow.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a
130 feather.—
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow
together.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHASAR
Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so.
135 Herein you war against your reputation,
And draw within the compass of suspect
Th’ unviolated honor of your wife.
Once this: your long experience of ⌜her⌝ wisdom,
p. 69
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty
140 Plead on ⌜her⌝ part some cause to you unknown.
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be ruled by me; depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
145 And about evening come yourself alone
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it;
150 And that supposèd by the common rout
Against your yet ungallèd estimation
That may with foul intrusion enter in
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
For slander lives upon succession,
155 Forever housèd where it gets possession.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet
And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle.
160 There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
My wife—but, I protest, without desert—
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal;
To her will we to dinner. ⌜To Angelo.⌝ Get you home
And fetch the chain; by this, I know, ’tis made.
165 Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,
For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow—
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife—
Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.
Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
170 I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
ANGELO
I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
p. 71
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
They exit.
⌜Scene 2⌝
Enter ⌜Luciana⌝ with Antipholus of Syracuse.
⌜LUCIANA⌝
And may it be that you have quite forgot
A husband’s office? Shall, Antipholus,
Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot?
Shall love, in ⌜building,⌝ grow so ⌜ruinous?⌝
5 If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more
kindness.
Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth —
Muffle your false love with some show of
10 blindness.
Let not my sister read it in your eye;
Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator;
Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;
Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger.
15 Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted.
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint.
Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own ⌜attaint?⌝
’Tis double wrong to truant with your bed
20 And let her read it in thy looks at board.
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managèd;
Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word.
Alas, poor women, make us ⌜but⌝ believe,
Being compact of credit, that you love us.
25 Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
We in your motion turn, and you may move us.
p. 73
Then, gentle brother, get you in again.
Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her ⌜wife.⌝
’Tis holy sport to be a little vain
30 When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Sweet mistress—what your name is else I know not,
Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine—
Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
Than our Earth’s wonder, more than Earth divine.
35 Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak.
Lay open to my earthy gross conceit,
Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
The folded meaning of your words’ deceit.
Against my soul’s pure truth why labor you
40 To make it wander in an unknown field?
Are you a god? Would you create me new?
Transform me, then, and to your power I’ll yield.
But if that I am I, then well I know
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
45 Nor to her bed no homage do I owe.
Far more, far more, to you do I decline.
O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note
To drown me in thy ⌜sister’s⌝ flood of tears.
Sing, Siren, for thyself, and I will dote.
50 Spread o’er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
And as a ⌜bed⌝ I’ll take ⌜them⌝ and there lie,
And in that glorious supposition think
He gains by death that hath such means to die.
Let love, being light, be drownèd if she sink.
LUCIANA
55 What, are you mad that you do reason so?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Not mad, but mated—how, I do not know.
LUCIANA
It is a fault that springeth from your eye.
p. 75
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.
LUCIANA
Gaze when you should, and that will clear your
60 sight.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.
LUCIANA
Why call you me “love”? Call my sister so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thy sister’s sister.
LUCIANA That’s my sister.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 65 No,
It is thyself, mine own self’s better part,
Mine eye’s clear eye, my dear heart’s dearer heart,
My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope’s aim,
My sole Earth’s heaven, and my heaven’s claim.
LUCIANA
70 All this my sister is, or else should be.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Call thyself “sister,” sweet, for I am thee.
Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life;
Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife.
Give me thy hand.
LUCIANA 75 O soft, sir. Hold you still.
I’ll fetch my sister to get her goodwill.She exits.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜running.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, how now, Dromio.
Where runn’st thou so fast?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Do you know me, sir? Am I
80 Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Thou art Dromio, thou art
my man, thou art thyself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I am an ass, I am a woman’s
man, and besides myself.
p. 77
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 85What woman’s man? And
how besides thyself?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, besides myself I am
due to a woman, one that claims me, one that
haunts me, one that will have me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 90What claim lays she to thee?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, such claim as you
would lay to your horse, and she would have me as
a beast; not that I being a beast she would have me,
but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays
95 claim to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What is she?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE A very reverend body, ay, such a
one as a man may not speak of without he say
“sir-reverence.” I have but lean luck in the match,
100 and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE How dost thou mean a “fat
marriage”?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen
wench, and all grease, and I know not what use to
105 put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from
her by her own light. I warrant her rags and the
tallow in them will burn a Poland winter. If she lives
till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the
whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 110What complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Swart like my shoe, but her face
nothing like so clean kept. For why? She sweats. A
man may go overshoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE That’s a fault that water will
115 mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, sir, ’tis in grain; Noah’s flood
could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What’s her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nell, sir, but her name ⌜and⌝
p. 79
120 three quarters—that’s an ell and three quarters—
will not measure her from hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Then she bears some
breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No longer from head to foot than
125 from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I
could find out countries in her.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE In what part of her body
stands Ireland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I
130 found it out by the bogs.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where Scotland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I found it by the barrenness,
hard in the palm of the hand.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where France?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 135In her forehead, armed and
reverted, making war against her heir.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where England?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I looked for the chalky cliffs, but
I could find no whiteness in them. But I guess it
140 stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran
between France and it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where Spain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot
in her breath.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 145Where America, the Indies?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE O, sir, upon her nose, all o’erembellished
with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires,
declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of
Spain, who sent whole armadas of carracks to be
150 ballast at her nose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Where stood Belgia, the
Netherlands?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE O, sir, I did not look so low. To
conclude: this drudge or diviner laid claim to me,
p. 81
155 called me Dromio, swore I was assured to her, told
me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark
of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart
on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a
witch.
160 And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
faith, and my heart of steel,
She had transformed me to a curtal dog and made
me turn i’ th’ wheel.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Go, hie thee presently. Post to the road.
165 An if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbor in this town tonight.
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
Where I will walk till thou return to me.
If everyone knows us, and we know none,
170 ’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
As from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife.He exits.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There’s none but witches do inhabit here,
And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence.
175 She that doth call me husband, even my soul
Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace,
Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me traitor to myself.
180 But lest myself be guilty to self wrong,
I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.
Enter Angelo with the chain.
ANGELO
Master Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Ay, that’s my name.
p. 83
ANGELO
I know it well, sir. Lo, here’s the chain.
185 I thought to have ta’en you at the Porpentine;
The chain unfinished made me stay thus long.
⌜He gives Antipholus a chain.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What is your will that I shall do with this?
ANGELO
What please yourself, sir. I have made it for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Made it for me, sir? I bespoke it not.
ANGELO
190 Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
Go home with it, and please your wife withal,
And soon at supper time I’ll visit you
And then receive my money for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
195 For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more.
ANGELO
You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well.He exits.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What I should think of this I cannot tell,
But this I think: there’s no man is so vain
That would refuse so fair an offered chain.
200 I see a man here needs not live by shifts
When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay.
If any ship put out, then straight away.
He exits.
p. 87
ACT 4
Scene 1
Enter a ⌜Second⌝ Merchant, ⌜Angelo the⌝ Goldsmith,
and an Officer.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝
You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importuned you,
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia and want guilders for my voyage.
5 Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I’ll attach you by this officer.
ANGELO
Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus.
And in the instant that I met with you,
10 He had of me a chain. At five o’clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond and thank you too.
Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus ⌜and⌝ Dromio ⌜of
Ephesus⌝ from the Courtesan’s.
OFFICER
That labor may you save. See where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝
15 While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou
p. 89
And buy a rope’s end. That will I bestow
Among my wife and ⌜her⌝ confederates
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But soft. I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone.
20 Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.
DROMIO ⌜OF EPHESUS⌝
I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy a rope!
Dromio exits.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝
A man is well holp up that trusts to you!
I promisèd your presence and the chain,
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
25 Belike you thought our love would last too long
If it were chained together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO, ⌜handing a paper to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
Saving your merry humor, here’s the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,
30 Which doth amount to three-odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman.
I pray you, see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I am not furnished with the present money.
35 Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signior, take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO
40 Then you will bring the chain to her yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
No, bear it with you lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO
Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
p. 91
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
An if I have not, sir, I hope you have,
Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO
45 Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain.
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
50 I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝
The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
You hear how he importunes me. The chain!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.
ANGELO
55 Come, come. You know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain, or send ⌜by me⌝ some token.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Fie, now you run this humor out of breath.
Come, where’s the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
My business cannot brook this dalliance.
60 Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no.
If not, I’ll leave him to the Officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I answer you? What should I answer you?
ANGELO
The money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELO
65 You know I gave it you half an hour since.
p. 93
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO
You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.
Consider how it stands upon my credit.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
OFFICER, ⌜to Angelo⌝
70 I do, and charge you in the Duke’s name to obey
me.
ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
75 Consent to pay thee that I never had?—
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st.
ANGELO, ⌜to Officer⌝
Here is thy fee. Arrest him, officer.⌜Giving money.⌝
I would not spare my brother in this case
If he should scorn me so apparently.
OFFICER, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
80 I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
⌜To Angelo.⌝ But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as
dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO
85 Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse from the bay.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, there’s a bark of Epidamium
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
p. 95
And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
90 I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum, and aqua vitae.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
95 How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamium stays for me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope
And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
100 You sent me for a rope’s end as soon.
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I will debate this matter at more leisure
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight.
⌜He gives a key.⌝
105 Give her this key, and tell her in the desk
That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry
There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it.
Tell her I am arrested in the street,
And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Begone.—
110 On, officer, to prison till it come.
⌜All but Dromio of Syracuse⌝ exit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
To Adriana. That is where we dined,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will,
115 For servants must their masters’ minds fulfill.
He exits.
p. 97
⌜Scene 2⌝
Enter Adriana and Luciana.
ADRIANA
Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Might’st thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
5 What observation mad’st thou in this case
⌜Of⌝ his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANA
First he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANA
He meant he did me none; the more my spite.
LUCIANA
Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANA
10 And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
LUCIANA
Then pleaded I for you.
ADRIANA And what said he?
LUCIANA
That love I begged for you he begged of me.
ADRIANA
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANA
15 With words that in an honest suit might move.
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
ADRIANA
Did’st speak him fair?
LUCIANA Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA
I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.
20 My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformèd, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere,
p. 99
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANA
25 Who would be jealous, then, of such a one?
No evil lost is wailed when it is gone.
ADRIANA
Ah, but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse.
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away.
30 My heart prays for him, though my tongue do
curse.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the key.⌝
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Here, go—the desk, the purse! Sweet, now make
haste.
LUCIANA
How hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 35 By running fast.
ADRIANA
Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,
One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel;
40 A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;
A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
A backfriend, a shoulder clapper, one that
countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands;
45 A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot
well,
One that before the judgment carries poor souls to
hell.
ADRIANA Why, man, what is the matter?
p. 101
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
50 I do not know the matter. He is ’rested on the case.
ADRIANA
What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I know not at whose suit he is arrested well,
But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him; that can I
tell.
55 Will you send him, mistress, redemption—the
money in his desk?
ADRIANA
Go fetch it, sister. (Luciana exits.) This I wonder at,
⌜That⌝ he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
60 Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:
A chain, a chain. Do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANA What, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, no, the bell. ’Tis time that I were gone.
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes
65 one.
ADRIANA
The hours come back. That did I never hear.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, he turns back
for very fear.
ADRIANA
As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou
70 reason!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Time is a very bankrout and owes more than he’s
worth to season.
Nay, he’s a thief too. Have you not heard men say
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
p. 103
75 If ⌜he⌝ be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the
way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
Enter Luciana, ⌜with the purse.⌝
ADRIANA
Go, Dromio. There’s the money. Bear it straight,
And bring thy master home immediately.
⌜Dromio exits.⌝
80 Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit:
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
⌜They⌝ exit.
⌜Scene 3⌝
Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜wearing the chain.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend,
And everyone doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me; some invite me;
5 Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy.
Even now a tailor called me in his shop
And showed me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
10 Sure these are but imaginary wiles,
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the purse.⌝
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, here’s the gold you sent
me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam
new-appareled?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
15 What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?
p. 105
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Not that Adam that kept the
Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he
that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the
Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil
20 angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I understand thee not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No? Why, ’tis a plain case: he
that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the
man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives
25 them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity
on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he
that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his
mace than a morris-pike.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What, thou mean’st an
30 officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band;
he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his
band; one that thinks a man always going to bed
and says “God give you good rest.”
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE 35Well, sir, there rest in your
foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May
we be gone?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Why, sir, I brought you word an
hour since that the bark Expedition put forth tonight,
40 and then were you hindered by the sergeant
to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that
you sent for to deliver you.⌜He gives the purse.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
The fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in illusions.
45 Some blessèd power deliver us from hence!
Enter a Courtesan.
COURTESAN
Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
p. 107
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now.
Is that the chain you promised me today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
50 Master, is this Mistress Satan?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE It is the devil.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nay, she is worse; she is the
devil’s dam, and here she comes in the habit of a
light wench. And thereof comes that the wenches
55 say “God damn me”; that’s as much to say “God
make me a light wench.” It is written they appear
to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire,
and fire will burn: ergo, light wenches will burn.
Come not near her.
COURTESAN
60 Your man and you are marvelous merry, sir.
Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, if ⌜you⌝ do, expect spoon
meat, or bespeak a long spoon.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE 65Marry, he must have a long
spoon that must eat with the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to the Courtesan⌝
Avoid then, fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress.
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
COURTESAN
70 Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner
Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Some devils ask but the parings
of one’s nail, a rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a
75 nut, a cherrystone; but she, more covetous, would
have a chain. Master, be wise. An if you give it her,
the devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
p. 109
COURTESAN
I pray you, sir, my ring or else the chain.
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
80 Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE “Fly pride,” says the peacock.
Mistress, that you know.
⌜Antipholus and Dromio⌝ exit.
COURTESAN
Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad;
Else would he never so demean himself.
85 A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promised me a chain.
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
90 Is a mad tale he told today at dinner
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house
95 And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rushed into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
For forty ducats is too much to lose.
⌜She exits.⌝
⌜Scene 4⌝
Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a Jailer, ⌜the Officer.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Fear me not, man. I will not break away.
I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am ’rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood today
p. 111
5 And will not lightly trust the messenger
That I should be attached in Ephesus.
I tell you, ’twill sound harshly in her ears.
Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a rope’s end.
Here comes my man. I think he brings the
money.
10 How now, sir? Have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜handing over the rope’s end⌝
Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS But where’s the money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
15 I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS To a rope’s end, sir, and to that
end am I returned.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜beating Dromio⌝
And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
OFFICER 20Good sir, be patient.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, ’tis for me to be patient. I am
in adversity.
OFFICER Good now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, rather persuade him to hold
25 his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Thou whoreson, senseless
villain.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS I would I were senseless, sir, that
I might not feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 30Thou art sensible in nothing
but blows, and so is an ass.
p. 113
DROMIO OF EPHESUS I am an ass, indeed; you may
prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from
the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have
35 nothing at his hands for my service but blows.
When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I
am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked
with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit,
driven out of doors with it when I go from home,
40 welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it
on my shoulders as a beggar wont her brat, and I
think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it
from door to door.
Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and a Schoolmaster
called Pinch.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Come, go along. My wife is coming yonder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 45Mistress, respice finem, respect
your end, or rather, the prophecy like the parrot,
“Beware the rope’s end.”
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Wilt thou still talk?
Beats Dromio.
COURTESAN, ⌜to Adriana⌝
How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA
50 His incivility confirms no less.—
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA
Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
COURTESAN
55 Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
PINCH, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
p. 115
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜striking Pinch⌝
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
PINCH
I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
60 And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Peace, doting wizard, peace. I am not mad.
ADRIANA
O, that thou wert not, poor distressèd soul!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You minion, you, are these your customers?
65 Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house today
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA
O husband, God doth know you dined at home,
70 Where would you had remained until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
“Dined at home”? ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Thou villain, what
sayest thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
75 Were not my doors locked up and I shut out?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Perdie, your doors were locked, and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And did not she herself revile me there?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Did not her kitchen maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
p. 117
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
80 Certes, she did; the kitchen vestal scorned you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
In verity you did.—My bones bears witness,
That since have felt the vigor of his rage.
ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝
Is ’t good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCH
85 It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein
And, yielding to him, humors well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝
Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANA
Alas, I sent you money to redeem you
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
90 Money by me? Heart and goodwill you might,
But surely, master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
ADRIANA
He came to me, and I delivered it.
LUCIANA
And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
95 God and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
PINCH
Mistress, both man and master is possessed.
I know it by their pale and deadly looks.
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝
100 Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today.
p. 119
⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ And why dost thou deny the
bag of gold?
ADRIANA
I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And, gentle master, I received no gold.
105 But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.
ADRIANA
Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damnèd pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me.
110 But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.
ADRIANA
O bind him, bind him! Let him not come near me.
Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives.
PINCH
More company! The fiend is strong within him.
LUCIANA
Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
115 What, will you murder me?—Thou jailer, thou,
I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?
OFFICER Masters, let him go.
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
PINCH
120 Go, bind this man, for he is frantic too.
⌜Dromio is bound.⌝
ADRIANA, ⌜to Officer⌝
What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
p. 121
OFFICER
He is my prisoner. If I let him go,
125 The debt he owes will be required of me.
ADRIANA
I will discharge thee ere I go from thee.
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.—
Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed
130 Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS O most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Master, I am here entered in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good
135 master.
Cry “The devil!”
LUCIANA
God help poor souls! How idly do they talk!
ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝
Go bear him hence.
⌜Pinch and his men⌝ exit ⌜with Antipholus
and Dromio of Ephesus.⌝
Officer, Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan remain.
Sister, go you with me.
140 ⌜To Officer.⌝ Say now whose suit is he arrested at.
OFFICER
One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him?
ADRIANA
I know the man. What is the sum he owes?
OFFICER
Two hundred ducats.
ADRIANA Say, how grows it due?
OFFICER
145 Due for a chain your husband had of him.
p. 123
ADRIANA
He did bespeak a chain for me but had it not.
COURTESAN
Whenas your husband all in rage today
Came to my house and took away my ring,
The ring I saw upon his finger now,
150 Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANA
It may be so, but I did never see it.—
Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is.
I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse with his rapier drawn,
and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.
LUCIANA
God for Thy mercy, they are loose again!
ADRIANA
155 And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help
To have them bound again.
OFFICER Away! They’ll kill us.
Run all out as fast as may be, frighted.
⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse remain.⌝
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I see these witches are afraid of swords.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
She that would be your wife now ran from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
160 Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence.
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Faith, stay here this night. They
will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us
fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle
165 nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that
claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to
stay here still, and turn witch.
p. 125
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I will not stay tonight for all the town.
Therefore, away, to get our stuff aboard.
They exit.
p. 129
ACT 5
Scene 1
Enter the ⌜Second⌝ Merchant and ⌜Angelo⌝ the
Goldsmith.
ANGELO
I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you,
But I protest he had the chain of me,
Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
How is the man esteemed here in the city?
ANGELO
5 Of very reverend reputation, sir,
Of credit infinite, highly beloved,
Second to none that lives here in the city.
His word might bear my wealth at any time.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.
Enter Antipholus and Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ again,
⌜Antipholus wearing the chain.⌝
ANGELO
10 ’Tis so, and that self chain about his neck
Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
Good sir, draw near to me. I’ll speak to him.—
Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
That you would put me to this shame and trouble,
15 And not without some scandal to yourself,
p. 131
With circumstance and oaths so to deny
This chain, which now you wear so openly.
Besides the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
20 Who, but for staying on our controversy,
Had hoisted sail and put to sea today.
This chain you had of me. Can you deny it?
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
I think I had. I never did deny it.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
25 Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
These ears of mine, thou know’st, did hear thee.
Fie on thee, wretch. ’Tis pity that thou liv’st
To walk where any honest men resort.
ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝
Thou art a villain to impeach me thus.
30 I’ll prove mine honor and mine honesty
Against thee presently if thou dar’st stand.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.They draw.
Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and others.
ADRIANA
Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake. He is mad.—
Some get within him; take his sword away.
35 Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Run, master, run. For God’s sake, take a house.
This is some priory. In, or we are spoiled.
⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse⌝
exit to the Priory.
Enter Lady Abbess.
p. 133
ABBESS
Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?
ADRIANA
To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
40 Let us come in, that we may bind him fast
And bear him home for his recovery.
ANGELO
I knew he was not in his perfect wits.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
ABBESS
How long hath this possession held the man?
ADRIANA
45 This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,
And much different from the man he was.
But till this afternoon his passion
Ne’er brake into extremity of rage.
ABBESS
Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea?
50 Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
Strayed his affection in unlawful love,
A sin prevailing much in youthful men
Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing?
Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
ADRIANA
55 To none of these, except it be the last,
Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
ABBESS
You should for that have reprehended him.
ADRIANA
Why, so I did.
ABBESS Ay, but not rough enough.
ADRIANA
60 As roughly as my modesty would let me.
ABBESS
Haply in private.
p. 135
ADRIANA And in assemblies too.
ABBESS Ay, but not enough.
ADRIANA
It was the copy of our conference.
65 In bed he slept not for my urging it;
At board he fed not for my urging it.
Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
In company I often glancèd it.
Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
ABBESS
70 And thereof came it that the man was mad.
The venom clamors of a jealous woman
Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth.
It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing,
And thereof comes it that his head is light.
75 Thou sayst his meat was sauced with thy
upbraidings.
Unquiet meals make ill digestions.
Thereof the raging fire of fever bred,
And what’s a fever but a fit of madness?
80 Thou sayest his sports were hindered by thy brawls.
Sweet recreation barred, what doth ensue
But moody and dull melancholy,
Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
And at her heels a huge infectious troop
85 Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest
To be disturbed would mad or man or beast.
The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits
Hath scared thy husband from the use of wits.
LUCIANA
90 She never reprehended him but mildly
When he demeaned himself rough, rude, and
wildly.—
Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?
p. 137
ADRIANA
She did betray me to my own reproof.—
95 Good people, enter and lay hold on him.
ABBESS
No, not a creature enters in my house.
ADRIANA
Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
ABBESS
Neither. He took this place for sanctuary,
And it shall privilege him from your hands
100 Till I have brought him to his wits again
Or lose my labor in assaying it.
ADRIANA
I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
Diet his sickness, for it is my office
And will have no attorney but myself;
105 And therefore let me have him home with me.
ABBESS
Be patient, for I will not let him stir
Till I have used the approvèd means I have,
With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers,
To make of him a formal man again.
110 It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
A charitable duty of my order.
Therefore depart and leave him here with me.
ADRIANA
I will not hence and leave my husband here;
And ill it doth beseem your holiness
115 To separate the husband and the wife.
ABBESS
Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him.
⌜She exits.⌝
LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝
Complain unto the Duke of this indignity.
ADRIANA
Come, go. I will fall prostrate at his feet
And never rise until my tears and prayers
p. 139
120 Have won his grace to come in person hither
And take perforce my husband from the Abbess.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
By this, I think, the dial points at five.
Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person
Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
125 The place of ⌜death⌝ and sorry execution
Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
ANGELO Upon what cause?
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT
To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
Who put unluckily into this bay
130 Against the laws and statutes of this town,
Beheaded publicly for his offense.
ANGELO
See where they come. We will behold his death.
LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝
Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.
Enter the Duke of Ephesus, and ⌜Egeon⌝ the Merchant
of Syracuse, bare head, with the Headsman
and other Officers.
DUKE
Yet once again proclaim it publicly,
135 If any friend will pay the sum for him,
He shall not die; so much we tender him.
ADRIANA, ⌜kneeling⌝
Justice, most sacred duke, against the Abbess.
DUKE
She is a virtuous and a reverend lady.
It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
ADRIANA
140 May it please your Grace, Antipholus my husband,
Who I made lord of me and all I had
At your important letters, this ill day
A most outrageous fit of madness took him,
p. 141
That desp’rately he hurried through the street,
145 With him his bondman, all as mad as he,
Doing displeasure to the citizens
By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like.
Once did I get him bound and sent him home
150 Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went
That here and there his fury had committed.
Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
He broke from those that had the guard of him,
And with his mad attendant and himself,
155 Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,
Met us again and, madly bent on us,
Chased us away, till raising of more aid,
We came again to bind them. Then they fled
Into this abbey, whither we pursued them,
160 And here the Abbess shuts the gates on us
And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.
DUKE
165 Long since, thy husband served me in my wars,
And I to thee engaged a prince’s word,
When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
To do him all the grace and good I could.
Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate,
170 And bid the Lady Abbess come to me.
I will determine this before I stir.⌜Adriana rises.⌝
Enter a Messenger.
⌜MESSENGER⌝
O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself.
My master and his man are both broke loose,
Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor,
p. 143
175 Whose beard they have singed off with brands of
fire,
And ever as it blazed they threw on him
Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair.
My master preaches patience to him, and the while
180 His man with scissors nicks him like a fool;
And sure, unless you send some present help,
Between them they will kill the conjurer.
ADRIANA
Peace, fool. Thy master and his man are here,
And that is false thou dost report to us.
MESSENGER
185 Mistress, upon my life I tell you true.
I have not breathed almost since I did see it.
He cries for you and vows, if he can take you,
To scorch your face and to disfigure you.Cry within.
Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, begone!
DUKE
190 Come, stand by me. Fear nothing.—Guard with
halberds.
Enter Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.
ADRIANA
Ay me, it is my husband. Witness you
That he is borne about invisible.
Even now we housed him in the abbey here,
195 And now he’s there, past thought of human reason.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Justice, most gracious duke. O, grant me justice,
Even for the service that long since I did thee
When I bestrid thee in the wars and took
Deep scars to save thy life. Even for the blood
200 That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
EGEON, ⌜aside⌝
Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,
I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.
p. 145
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there,
She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife,
205 That hath abusèd and dishonored me
Even in the strength and height of injury.
Beyond imagination is the wrong
That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
DUKE
Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
210 This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me
While she with harlots feasted in my house.
DUKE
A grievous fault.—Say, woman, didst thou so?
ADRIANA
No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister
Today did dine together. So befall my soul
215 As this is false he burdens me withal.
LUCIANA
Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night
But she tells to your Highness simple truth.
ANGELO
O perjured woman!—They are both forsworn.
In this the madman justly chargeth them.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
220 My liege, I am advisèd what I say,
Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
Nor heady-rash provoked with raging ire,
Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
This woman locked me out this day from dinner.
225 That goldsmith there, were he not packed with her,
Could witness it, for he was with me then,
Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
Where Balthasar and I did dine together.
230 Our dinner done and he not coming thither,
p. 147
I went to seek him. In the street I met him,
And in his company that gentleman.
⌜He points to Second Merchant.⌝
There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
That I this day of him received the chain,
235 Which, God He knows, I saw not; for the which
He did arrest me with an officer.
I did obey and sent my peasant home
For certain ducats. He with none returned.
Then fairly I bespoke the officer
240 To go in person with me to my house.
By th’ way we met
My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
Of vile confederates. Along with them
They brought one Pinch, a hungry, lean-faced
245 villain,
A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller,
A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,
A living dead man. This pernicious slave,
250 Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
And with no face (as ’twere) outfacing me,
Cries out I was possessed. Then all together
They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,
255 And in a dark and dankish vault at home
There left me and my man, both bound together,
Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
I gained my freedom and immediately
Ran hither to your Grace, whom I beseech
260 To give me ample satisfaction
For these deep shames and great indignities.
ANGELO
My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him:
That he dined not at home, but was locked out.
p. 149
DUKE
But had he such a chain of thee or no?
ANGELO
265 He had, my lord, and when he ran in here,
These people saw the chain about his neck.
⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
Heard you confess you had the chain of him
After you first forswore it on the mart,
270 And thereupon I drew my sword on you,
And then you fled into this abbey here,
From whence I think you are come by miracle.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I never came within these abbey walls,
Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me.
275 I never saw the chain, so help me heaven,
And this is false you burden me withal.
DUKE
Why, what an intricate impeach is this!
I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup.
If here you housed him, here he would have been.
280 If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly.
⌜To Adriana.⌝ You say he dined at home; the
goldsmith here
Denies that saying. ⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ Sirrah,
what say you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜pointing to the Courtesan⌝
285 Sir, he dined with her there at the Porpentine.
COURTESAN
He did, and from my finger snatched that ring.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜showing a ring⌝
’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.
DUKE, ⌜to Courtesan⌝
Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?
COURTESAN
As sure, my liege, as I do see your Grace.
p. 151
DUKE
290 Why, this is strange.—Go call the Abbess hither.
Exit one to the Abbess.
I think you are all mated or stark mad.
EGEON
Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word.
Haply I see a friend will save my life
And pay the sum that may deliver me.
DUKE
295 Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus?
And is not that your bondman Dromio?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,
But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords.
300 Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound.
EGEON
I am sure you both of you remember me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you,
For lately we were bound as you are now.
You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir?
EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
305 Why look you strange on me? You know me well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I never saw you in my life till now.
EGEON
O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,
And careful hours with time’s deformèd hand
Have written strange defeatures in my face.
310 But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Neither.
EGEON Dromio, nor thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS No, trust me, sir, nor I.
p. 153
EGEON I am sure thou dost.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 315Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and
whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to
believe him.
EGEON
Not know my voice! O time’s extremity,
Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue
320 In seven short years that here my only son
Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?
Though now this grainèd face of mine be hid
In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow,
And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
325 Yet hath my night of life some memory,
My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
My dull deaf ears a little use to hear.
All these old witnesses—I cannot err—
Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
330 I never saw my father in my life.
EGEON
But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
Thou know’st we parted. But perhaps, my son,
Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
The Duke and all that know me in the city
335 Can witness with me that it is not so.
I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.
DUKE
I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years
Have I been patron to Antipholus,
During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa.
340 I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
Enter ⌜Emilia⌝ the Abbess, with Antipholus ⌜of⌝
Syracuse and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.
p. 155
ABBESS
Most mighty duke, behold a man much wronged.
All gather to see them.
ADRIANA
I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
DUKE
One of these men is genius to the other.
And so, of these, which is the natural man
345 And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I, sir, am Dromio. Command him away.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I, sir, am Dromio. Pray, let me stay.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Egeon art thou not, or else his ghost?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O, my old master.—Who hath bound him here?
ABBESS
350 Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds
And gain a husband by his liberty.—
Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man
That hadst a wife once called Emilia,
That bore thee at a burden two fair sons.
355 O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak,
And speak unto the same Emilia.
DUKE
Why, here begins his morning story right:
These two Antipholus’, these two so like,
And these two Dromios, one in semblance—
360 Besides her urging of her wrack at sea—
These are the parents to these children,
Which accidentally are met together.
EGEON
If I dream not, thou art Emilia.
If thou art she, tell me, where is that son
365 That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
p. 157
ABBESS
By men of Epidamium he and I
And the twin Dromio all were taken up;
But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth
By force took Dromio and my son from them,
370 And me they left with those of Epidamium.
What then became of them I cannot tell;
I to this fortune that you see me in.
DUKE, ⌜to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝
Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
No, sir, not I. I came from Syracuse.
DUKE
375 Stay, stand apart. I know not which is which.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS And I with him.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Brought to this town by that most famous warrior
Duke Menaphon, your most renownèd uncle.
ADRIANA
380 Which of you two did dine with me today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I, gentle mistress.
ADRIANA And are not you my husband?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS No, I say nay to that.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
And so do I, yet did she call me so,
385 And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
Did call me brother. ⌜To Luciana.⌝ What I told you
then
I hope I shall have leisure to make good,
If this be not a dream I see and hear.
ANGELO, ⌜turning to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝
390 That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
p. 159
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I think it be, sir. I deny it not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝
And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
ANGELO
I think I did, sir. I deny it not.
ADRIANA, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
I sent you money, sir, to be your bail
395 By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS No, none by me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Adriana⌝
This purse of ducats I received from you,
And Dromio my man did bring them me.
I see we still did meet each other’s man,
400 And I was ta’en for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors are arose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to the Duke⌝
These ducats pawn I for my father here.
DUKE
It shall not need. Thy father hath his life.
COURTESAN, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
Sir, I must have that diamond from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
405 There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer.
ABBESS
Renownèd duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
To go with us into the abbey here
And hear at large discoursèd all our fortunes,
And all that are assembled in this place
410 That by this sympathizèd one day’s error
Have suffered wrong. Go, keep us company,
And we shall make full satisfaction.—
Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
Of you, my sons, and till this present hour
415 My heavy burden ⌜ne’er⌝ deliverèd.—
The Duke, my husband, and my children both,
p. 161
And you, the calendars of their nativity,
Go to a gossips’ feast, and go with me.
After so long grief, such nativity!
DUKE
420 With all my heart I’ll gossip at this feast.
All exit except the two Dromios
and ⌜the⌝ two brothers ⌜Antipholus.⌝
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝
He speaks to me.—I am your master, Dromio.
425 Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon.
Embrace thy brother there. Rejoice with him.
⌜The brothers Antipholus⌝ exit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
There is a fat friend at your master’s house
That kitchened me for you today at dinner.
She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
430 Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother.
I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Not I, sir. You are my elder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS That’s a question. How shall we
435 try it?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE We’ll draw cuts for the signior.
Till then, lead thou first.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, then, thus:
We came into the world like brother and brother,
440 And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before
another.
They exit.
#shakespeare#the comedy of errors#william shakespeare#english literature#its free and the government can’t stop you#english
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A False Confession (Webcomic)
Created by: Cooara/Haenk
Genre: Isekai/Fantasy
Even for isekai stories, A False Confession feels pretty... predictable. It's obvious from the get go which one will be the yandere and which one will be the main love interest. I think that the art can be pretty nice at times, but honestly, it doesn't really feel like there's much going on in this webcomic. I will say though that the male lead and the MC have a bit of a cute dynamic though.
The story is a bout Renesha who has reincarnated about 10 different times, though this time she believes that this life will be different. She decides to be a priest/holy person at a temple because of her high holy power and is placed into a high seat. After essentially being bribed by the temple, she is assigned to be the medic for a war, falling in love with Czeshmir, the head knight, while also being afraid of Willard, the head knight. She does her best to get near Czeshmir and develops a stronger bond for Willard. During the war, she deals with the idea that she cannot save everyone, watching people die before her as she tries to heal everyone. When one of the head knights nearly dies protecting her, Renesha lets out a huge explosion of holy magic thanks to Willard, saving not only her people but ending the war. After this war, she goes out drinking and tries to confess to Czeshmir, only to accidentally confess to Willard. She's too afraid to break the confession, and tries in different ways to stay away from Willard, despite the fact that he is nothing but kind to her. Renesha begins her training to be an even stronger holy mage, and during this time, Czeshmir does confess to Renesha, even going so far as to suggest an affair with him if she wants to be with him so badly. Renesha refuses, and when Willard finds out, he ends up scaring her so badly she starts to cry. Willard feels guilty and does his best to apologize to her with gifts and other things. The latest chapter talks more about why Czeshmir cares so much about holy magic, and what lengths he had to go to obtain it.
It's honestly a bit strange that the actual confession teased in the beginning doesn't actually show up until around chapter 40 in the webcomic, but I do think it makes the confession a lot less shallow than I initially thought it would be. It builds up the relationship between Renesha and Willard as well as Czeshmir a lot better than if she had just confessed to someone randomly, but it is really strange it takes so long to get to that point. Around this time is where the story changes from the prologue to the actual romance and plot, for better or for worse. I think the first part of the story is sort of boring, most of it is just build up to the actual confession later on. I was interested when Renesha was protected by the head knight, since the story was building up to how she saw her powers used for life and death and it would have been really impactful if she wouldn't be able to save him and had to face the trauma of not being able to save someone because of how weak she was, but... instead she kinda just explodes in holy magic, not only healing everyone but causing the war to end? It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, and it certainly makes the entire war seem pretty pointless. Rene does have a bit of respect for working on the battlefield now that she has experienced it, I just feel like it would have been a better arc for her to actually have to deal with not being able to save the people she was suppose to instead of taking her powers for granted.
Renesha herself is sort of...boring. She's not really a bad or good character- she has flaws of being greedy and a bit shallow when it comes to her character and she does wish to save other people- she's just not super interesting nor does she particularly move the plot forward. You could probably replace her with a really magical lamp in the first season and I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference in terms of impact on the story. The only thing she really does is cause the romantic plot to move along, but considering that is mostly based on misconceptions and hiding something that doesn't really need to be hidden is... one of my least favorite reasons for the basis of any plot, I wouldn't say she really does a whole lot.
As for Czeshmir, it's pretty obvious from the get go that he's going to be the yandere. He's too perfect in the eyes of Renesha and generally he's one of those too good to be true characters. You see it more after Rene confesses to Willard, especially since he gets seemingly jealous over Rene. Still, from what I can tell, it seems that Czeshmir is more interested in Rene's holy power rather than her herself, since from most interactions after her and WIllard get together, most of the things he talks about are specifically about her holy power and he doesn't seem to have a huge interest in her as a person. This makes me think he either only really cares about her because of her power or that he does like her but he's going to use her powers for something. If it's the former, then it's not very likely that Czeshmir will be a yandere since he would only care about her power, and if it's the former, then it probably still will be related to her holy power and possibly one of those "purity" yanderes (which I personally think isn't super interesting mostly because purity is a very vague concept), but that's just my guess anyways. I do think his interactions make the story more interesting, but we simply don't know his motives quite yet.
Willard does give off more possessive vibes initially, especially when she and Czeshmir are interacting, even yelling and getting angry at her from atop of a cliff. However, when she does confront him about this, he does his best to be more clear and less scary since he doesn't want to see her cry. Besides him being seen as generally scary though, his interactions with Rene are... pretty harmless actually. He's the one that helps end the war (through giant holy magic explosion) and seems to care about her quite a lot, which is why I think it's pretty strange that she still is somehow scared of him despite the fact that he has been nothing but kind towards her.
Shout out to the head knight that almost dies protecting Rene and his wife. If I were to read this for any reason, I would do it for them two because I love their relationship.
Personally I think this webcomic was just... okay. It's not really that interesting in my eyes, but it's not particularly horrible either. If you are interested give it a read, perhaps your opinion will differ from mine.
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My Son's Middle Name
My oldest living relative, and therefore my son's oldest living relative, my uncle, passed away on Tuesday. He married my aunt, my dad's sister, in the early 1950's, right after my dad was born, basically. He shares a first name with my dad and my grandad, which must have been kinda weird for my aunt, but that's love for ya. This is my son's middle name. He's obviously named after my Granda and my dad, but my uncle makes an abundance of men with this name in my life that are worth honoring a little, so that's what I'm gonna do here for a moment.
I think my aunt married my uncle when she was 18 and he was 21. He married one of his best friend's (my dad's actual brother) little sister. He met her standing up at my dad's brother's wedding (which was before my dad was born), and that must have been weird for my actual uncle by birth, but hey, again, that's love for ya. And they were married for 40 years, when she died at at age 58, which I've always thought was tragically young, even when I was 12 when it happened, and I know people tragically die even younger. But the fact that he lived to be 93 means he lived without her for 32 years, never remarried...never even went out on dates. And that somehow makes it sadder. He was a gentle, generous, kind man. He loved animals, especially dogs, and until the very end of his life, always had at least one. He invited everyone to his house on the Fourth of July (his birthday), and Christmas Day (my dad's brother's birthday-it's strange and special that these big holidays are also attached to a good man in my life), after spending Christmas Eve night with everyone already. He was supremely devoted to his family. He took in his daughter as a single mother of 3 before my aunt passed, and raised those kids like they were his. His grandson legally changed his surname to match my uncle's (his grandfather) instead of his dad. He walked both of those granddaughters down the aisle when they married, one of them, when asked if her father was going to be at the wedding said, "My Grandpa's my dad."
And I'm just his niece...one of very many, because we're a huge Irish Catholic family...but damned if he's not one of a small handful of people in my life who have given me a moment where I knew with certainty that they were only thinking about me. The Christmas after I met J, nervous that I'd perhaps finally met someone I could make a life and a home and a family with, and cautiously fielding questions about why I didn't bring him to Huge Family Christmas, my uncle took me aside and gave me a gift I wasn't expecting. It was an old newspaper cutout of me as a newly walking toddler, walking down a city street hand in hand with my Gramma and Granda. I teared up. He knew how much I loved my grandparents and missed them, years after they'd passed when I was a kid, and he'd thought to give me this at Christmas when everyone else was asking me about someone else. Not only that, but way back then when I was a baby, he clipped that out of the newspaper and saved it for 24 years to give it to me at what seemed at the time like a magical moment of connection with my grandparents when I really needed it.
Anyway, he wasn't my Granda, and he isn't my dad, but I'm glad he shares their name, and that is my son's middle name.
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while i'm here: i have been on sort of a mild classical musical kick since seeing tar, which was great and which also reminded me that classical music is good, which led me to the subsequent revelation that i can listen to classical music including opera while doing kinds of work that are too demanding for me to listen to english-language pop [meaning all non classical not just like top 40 and the electrosad spotify girlies] music (and if the kpop explosion has taught me personally one thing it's that lyrics are a MUCH bigger part of my pop listening experience than i thought they were - i've never listened to a kpop song i managed to find memorable or distinctive in any capacity and i have to assume that's because what the words say is actually a major part of how i engage with songs - to my own surprise!!!). it's totally possible this phase will extinguish itself before i run myself out of the small staple of things i already like because i have some kind of personal experience with them that let me get to know them (playing them badly on the piano, singing them badly in high school, stage managing them mediocrely in college) or in some cases because they are just Super Fucking Famous and have Penetrated. but in case i don't! i am open to suggestions any classical heads would have. but like suggestions for the basic bitches of the classical world, please. suggestions for the girlies whose favorite arias are still "un bel di" from butterfly and the queen of the night area from magic flute. girlies who are like, wow have you heard about this guy VERDI? (the main thing i have been listening to in these moods is really just the last ten or so minutes of act three of otello - from right before he strikes desdemona to the ground - if you know you know!!! the greatest ten minutes in music history maybe). girlies who still go wild for rachmaninoff's prelude in c-sharp minor and think the first movement of the moonlight sonata is exactly hyped enough. (my choral faves are i think a little more eclectic although equally Basic at heart, since they all come from the set of "things selected by a moderately ambitious music department at a private high school but not one with like a famous performing arts program or anything": faure's requiem, haydn's te deum, the famous parts of messiah, anything palestrina. in the two months or so the chamber choir spent learning our way around britten's five flower songs i did eventually come to appreciate it - we had a conversation, several of us, towards the end actually, where we realized somewhere in listening to recordings and plucking out our parts over and over our ear-brains had adjusted and it actually sounded to us like music now, and when i listened to a recording a year or so later i truly could not recall what i had once and for a prolonged time found so strange and off-putting about them, and was really grateful to have gotten that experience because i felt like it taught me something important about like, how music works and how art changes and that some things are made to be appreciated by people who have some visceral even if inarticulable sense of the boundaries they're pushing at, who know what a certain type of music sounds like for example enough to be surprised by the specific ways this doesn't sound like that, and how if you have enough music in you that surprise can go from "wrong" to "neat," and how that applies to everything probably and it's both ok for people to make stuff that can only be liked by people already in love to some degree with the form it's playing around in and also ok for me to not be sophisticated enough to enjoy it, which is why there are many movies in particular where i'm like This Simply Seems Engaged In A Project Best Assessed By Someone Who Has Watched A Lot More Movies Than Me - but, like, i wouldn't listen to britten on purpose, because i like it when classical music is pretty. basic!!!)
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'Ello Trevor (Blaise Zabini x Neville Longbottom)
Blaise Zabini swiftly manoeuvred around a worried Neville Longbottom, who was to no one's surprise, looking for his toad. Blaise had thought that by now it really wouldn't be a problem what with all the new-found sparks of confidence and all, though it seemed old habits died hard.
Blaise had no clue as to why he knew this about the boy, but he did; he had started to notice other things about Neville actually and though he may of thought to question his curiosity he put his thoughts to rest.
------
"Potter is absolutely insufferable, somehow he has managed to reach the likes of the Weasleys! The Weasleys, Blaise!" Blaise nodded as Draco continued to rant about God knows what.
"Mhmm yeah." Blaise mumbled as he slipped past the door of the bedroom leaving Draco to himself to complain as much as he please. Blaise stalked the halls unaccompanied except for the bottle of firewhisky which he grasped in his left hand. To be honest it was an awful habit firewhisky at the age of 15 to be frank it wasn't really his fault, he remembered nights at the age of ten sipping at it while one of his mother's husbands would flirt with him. Disgusting he thought as he shrivelled in distaste. Blaise remembered clear and well the stares, the mesmerised gasps all happening while he had yet to learn a simple charm. But while Blaise was slightly off-put he was also very much used to it, being admired for his looks and his infamous reputation, nothing more, nothing less. Or in Pansy's words 'he had not had time to explore having crushes or falling in love, not properly.' Blaise pondered before being shaken out of his thoughts by a bellowing croack. Blaise followed the noise toward a broom closet.
There was Neville Longbottom soaking wet with what smelled of the black lake meekly holding a toad. Neville squeaked at the intrudence, he was sure he had missed the whole day.
"Longbottom.", Blaise croaked not dissimilar to that of Trevor. Neville grinned sheepishly averting his eyes away and fiddling with the cuffs of his wet robes. "Uhm, Thanks." Neville muttered, clearly ashamed to be found like this.
"No Problem." Blaise replied cooly, rocking on his heels in the frame of the door. After a few moments had passed Blaise asked why Neville hadn't left before awkwardly exiting the doorway. Neville exited stroking Trevor before replying
"Thanks." and throwing Blaise a good-natured almost playful smile. As they walked Blaise tried to start a conversation to stop the awkward silence which they were in.
"There's a change room nearby you could fix yourself up in there while I deal with the toa-frog and your robes." Blaise suggests hoping he didn't sound strange. Neville's eyes narrowed before he replied with a thank you before moving to a locker while Blaise watched Trevor and then proceeding to charm Neville's robes as best as he could after them being thrown out of the stall. When he heard the pitter-patter of the shower die down he handed the robes to Neville while turned around.
"Okay. " Neville replied after adjusting his robes.
"So do you wanna talk about it?" Blaise asked. He was horrified by himself, in the span of just 40 minutes with Neville he was practically a Hufflepuff.
"Thanks but I have to go." Neville muttered before running towards the Gryffindor Common Rooms. Blaise was so disappointed, he knew Neville wouldn't be cool with someone like him, he had a certain reputation when it came to intimacy. So it made sense, cause Neville was sweeter than a bag of butter scotch sweets and Blaise was, well Blaise was just Blaise.
Blaise walked down the halls of Hogwarts scuffing his newly-shined shoes on the cold floors, contemplating his recent behaviour involving a certain Gryffindor. He's fully aware of what his actions and attitude means and so Blaise Zabini concludes that he, a Slytherin with an awful reputation, likes Neville Longbottom.
Neville is thoughtful, meek and extremely concious of his surroundings and despite being able to sus out the relationship between Dean and Seamus. Observing the relationship that was Ginny and Harry (and sometimes Luna) over the years in the serenity of lonesomeness, smiling dutifully at Hermione who offered compliments and giggling at Ron. Though he sometimes felt invisible, liked he blended in. Confidence was attractive and he had none, he didn't like his broad shoulders nor his chubby hips, not his blond-ish brown hair either.
He Neville Longbottom was unattractive, over-assuming and only managed to excel in Herbology just grazing by in his other subjects so when a popular relatively attractive person that wasn't one of the golden trio he was surprised and slightly uncomfortable.
He had declined Zabini's offer and urged his memory to forget the fluster of the tall boy, the Slytherin who quite honestly was becoming a disgrace to the gracious Slytherin reputation. Currently his feet were pushing him forward scattering toward the Gryffindor tower in an attempt to get away and over-analyse recent events he stroked Trevor softly as he ran up the stairs eager to forget recent events. That's when he bumped into a girl with short black hair and a smirk, dark grey sweater and skirt and dark tantalising nails and blood red lipstick, Pansy Parkison.
"What are you doing here?" Neville questioned barely keeping up with accusatory sound of his plea, Pansy scoffed smirking at the boy.
"What do you think?" she drawled, only then did Neville notice the smudged lipstick and the staining of her sweater. Now he just felt uncomfortable, he blushed profusely fiddled with his soaked sweater and walked to the sixth year dormitories.
"Hey where do ya' think your going!" Pansy said maliciously, she reached toward him clutching onto Neville's dripping robes, before immediately pulling a face and wiping her palm on her ebony coloured skirt. She gestured towards the hallway and Neville began to follow her, a small nook near the library was where they ended up, Neville no doubt would be caught because of how loud Pansy was being.
"So you saw Blaise, how was he?" Neville shrugged in response, he hadn't been paying all that much attention, Pansy stared expectantly.
"I mean he was kind of strange, awfully flustered, really nice but maybe that's just how he is, I don't know him." Neville didn't know him but he knew of him, cool, calm and collected so he assumed this was strange behaviour. Her smile grew to a smirk as she admired Neville,
"Well I'll be." she muttered quietly she then gave Neville a large toothy grin and took hold of his hand, guiding him towards the Slytherin dorms.
"W-What are you doing!?" Neville sputtered trying to loosen her iron grip, her fingers however stayed clad on his wrist. Whilst Pansy dragged him along Trevor leapt out of the crook of Neville's elbow, presumably leaving to sleep on his owner's bed.
"Sooo you wonder why I was presiding within the Gryffindor dormitories." Pansy drawls in weird voice that tells Neville she's referencing something. He nods.
"I had gone to have a little chat to your friend Granger." Neville furrowed his brows staring obviously at her smudged lippy,
"Oh yes the snogging we did do mighty amounts of snogging." She repeated again in that weird reference voice, Neville was starting to believe that those who accompanied Malfoy were odd, like a shared mentality or something. Pansy continued a string of unnecessary and strange questions before they were already up in front of the door belonging to the sixth year Slytherins.
'Honestly,' Neville thought 'how in Merlin's beard had they not been caught, what with Pansy basically screaming at the top of her lungs and his sighing. '. But a swift knock they saw Blaise at the door frowning at Pansy with distaste and a sense of alarm ringing throughout his eyes.
When he looked to Neville he started to act strange he was still as if he were a plank of wood and seemed to be sweating an abnormal amount. It was some sort of adorable watching a serene, handsome and cruel Slytherin get worked up around him just at the sight. Pansy was smirking smugly while glancing between the two,
"What's that Millie, sorry got to go!" she cried running to the girls dorms, leaving Neville and Blaise. Blaise and Neville. Blaise attempts a lean on the door frame to his success, it's hot Neville guesses but he feels as though he's just saying that because Blaise seems intent on impressing him.
"Hey Longbottom, again." Blaise says awkwardly as he fiddles with the expensive rings that adorn his slender fingers.
"Hi Zabini."
"Call me Blaise." Blaise winces at himself, frowning at his awkwardness.
"Hey again to you too then Blaise."
"So um how's Trevor doing?" Blaise asks
"Good." replies Neville, short and sweet in a way that makes Blaise feel as though this extremely reserved conversation is just as awkward for Neville as it is for him.
"You know I've always been fascinated by this plant, the Mimbulus Mimbletonia have you heard of it?" Blaise started, he wanted to ease Neville into a little conversation.
"Ah, yes it has a puffed appearance similar to that of the muggle plants that fall under the category of Cacti, well I happen to own one myself perhaps tomorrow afternoon you can have a look at it and I can further explain it's properties." Neville gushed excitedly.
"I would love that." replied Blaise smiling fondly, "See you then Longbottom."
"Call me Neville" .
Find me on AO3 at: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylosamonster
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Nobody Speaks To the Captain No More
Today, I learned Jimmy Buffett died.
I said a long time ago that Jimmy Buffett’s death was going to mess me up, and I thought that was said in earnest. Jimmy Buffett, if you’re not familiar, is was an American singer-songwriter from Mobile, Alabama, renowned for his involvement in and then kind of codifying the musical genre known as gulf and western. The sound, as I someone who just listens to it a lot, had a lot in common with country music in terms of its production style – there’s not a lot of distortion, instruments tend towards the acoustic rather than the electric, and you usually have a single vocalist, who’s often the author of the song presenting music that’s about a personal experience, in a kind of storytelling way. On the other hand, the association with the Gulf of Mexico meant that the musical instruments are influenced more by, well
Uh
Black people?
Kettle drums, hymnal organs, a range of percussion instruments that I don’t know by name, that kind of thing? Things you’d hear in the Caribbean, and that’s not to simplify the many different musical styles in the gulf, but to indicate the things that Gulf and Western picked up from it.
I wrote about Jimmy Buffett’s music, as expressed in the albums my dad had when I was a kid, across a few years. Between that and my other online statements about the inevitable impact of his death, I had three people approach me about The Bad News, and what that meant, and to check if I was okay. It made sense to me – after all, I’d said that would happen, right?
But I’m okay?
At least right now, as far as I know.
Weird.
When Kenny Rogers died, I immediately wrote an article and shared it that night, like this one is (probably) going to get. I don’t remember how I felt at the time but I feel like that was done in some strange fugue. I don’t remember why I felt it was important to do that — it wasn’t like I spoke about Kenny Rogers much. Maybe it was a need to try and do that, finally, while also doing my best to pick through the legacy of a man who I knew was aggressively mediocre in every way except in the way that an industry chose to elevate him. It wasn’t like Kenny Rogers was the author of his best song (since Don Schlitz wrote The Gambler, and that dude went on to write When You Say Nothing At All) or even the best performer on his best song (because he did Islands in the Stream with Dolly Parton, where he was essntially ballast).
I didn’t feel the need to do that to Jimmy Buffett. I think I’m well known as much as I have any kind of public identity as a dude in his early 40s whose taste in Jimmy Buffet is uh, forty years old. It was my dad’s music, it’s nostalgic to me, and broadly speaking considering Jimmy Buffett’s whole ouvre he didn’t do a lot to embarrass me. Jimmy Buffett respected the homeless, wanted to help the environment, was pro-shoplifting and performed with a lot of black artists and shared their music.
I don’t think that he was good, really. I mean, by the time he died, Jimmy Buffett was a billionaire, which means even in death, he was doing something great and ensuring a billionaire died. Bit of a reach there, I know.
But Jimmy Buffett seems to be primarily known as an embarassing presence. That corny guy, stoner humour, restaurant chain kinda dude. Even the involvement with My Brother, My Brother, and Me is a sort of jokingly ironic way, the way that liking Jimmy Buffett is something worth being teased over. Eddie Burbank did a whole video about trying to interrogate the idea of Jimmy Buffett entirely through the interface of visiting Margaritaville hotels and restaurant chains, which was painful and embarrassing, especially since you’re not about to get an incredible elaborate vision of a person’s philosophy from their ads trying to sell you margaritas. And I get it?
It’s weird, I just don’t feel the need to defend Jimmy Buffett. Dude wrote a bunch of songs I like. He wrote in a key I could sing. He performed in a style I could manage. He was The Good Boomer, of his sort, I guess.
I think part of it was that my entire life, Jimmy Buffett has been old. My earliest memories of him are of songs that relate to A Pirate Looks At Forty. He was my dad’s age, a little bit older, and that meant as my dad accommodated turning forty – as I am having to – he’s just always been there, like the long runway ahead of me, telling me that yeah, okay I’m getting older, but I’m… y’know, growing older, but not up.
He’s was just some guy.
He was, best I know, a pretty okay guy.
There’s this Achewood strip about how when your Michael Jackson dies, you realise in that moment that you’ll never be young again. I think that that doesn’t impact me in the same way, because I don’t have memories of ever being young, of being youthful. I have memories of this confused and stupid figure who was made up of the most superficial moments of social engagement from Christian media, falling down stairs of history on the way towards being a person, pre-emptively made into a crotchety, twee, smug old man in my teenage years.
I don’t feel like I’ll never be young again.
I’m mostly just worried about how this affects my dad.
Anyway, farewell to you, Jimmy Buffett. You made a bunch of my favourite songs, your words are written on my heart. You told me about the city where the dudes and the dykes all looked the same, you told me about the federalis who just grin and tell you that they want to be your friend, you told me about the name plate on the glass that brings back twenty memories. You told me about how to swipe shit ethically, you told me about how math suks and you taught me about the Hawaiian navy. You tried to get Americans to eat invasive species and you even made Alan Jackson momentarily tolerable.
I’ll miss him, but I don’t have to.
Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!
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40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent? (from this list) (and this ask)
!!!!!!!!!!!! parents!adelle my best friends parents!adelle <3 short answer: belle is the fun parent and adam is the responsible parent.
belle is so free-spirited by nature, and her absolutely favorite thing about children is their curious little minds. so when her own kiddos want to explore? WHO is she to stop them? plus that’s how she grew up. yes maurice was careful and worried about her but he felt she was safe enough as long as she stayed within the village limits (which she didn’t always do but for the most part <3) so belle grew up exploring and imagining and adventuring as much as she could and that’s exactly what she wants for her babies 🥰 and they all have varying levels of her curiosity in them so they DO explore and play a lot!
adam is just so careful. the thing about adam as a parent (something i am definitely not utterly obsessed with discussing) is that he never really expected himself to care. he was raised as an heir, and for most of his life, it was drilled into his head by his father that he was pretty much worthless besides his ability to ascend to the throne. so to adam, “having children” just meant having heirs, carrying the family position, living in a loveless world. BUT THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED! you know, you were there. we all saw that guy fall head over heels in love with the most lovely and strange woman ever.
so now he has love, so much love, all that love that his mother placed gently inside his heart when he was a boy, now spilling over. he loves belle so much and he feels so completely protective of her. she is crazy and wild and adventurous and he worries about her every day, he just can’t help it. and of course they argue about it but they both know there’s love at the center of it all so they carry on loving each other as they always do.
but when his own child is coming, suddenly everything he thought growing up has changed. this child can’t just be an heir. he made this child with his beloved! there’s nothing but love here! and so much worry!! the protectiveness he feels for belle is only multiplied when they become parents. he hardly feels worthy of this. all of this!!!! a second chance at life? a loving and caring partner? children to teach and guide and love? he doesn’t think he deserves it at all. they’re gifts he never expected to be worthy of receiving. so he’s the responsible parent. he worries endlessly. he tells them to look out for each other. he vows to always watch over them. he becomes the protector he never had after his mother died. he carries her love and gentleness within him and his children are simply never afraid of him.
they know they’re loved!! they know they are loved when their mother runs around in imaginary worlds with them, when she climbs trees and races and laughs with them. and they know they’re loved when their father holds them close, when he kisses their heads and listens to every story they tell and reads until they fall asleep against him.
i love writing adam and belle as parents because it’s such a perfect balance. and at the end of every day, there is simply nothing but love in this family :”)
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Another Life
This story will include themes of child SA, SA, substance abuse, and alcohol abuse. I’ll update any trigger warnings as they come up.
Chapter 3
“I think I’m dying. Is this what dying feels like? Because it feels like I’m dying?” Dani groaned, sitting down on the bench in the park beside Jamie.
“No, you’re not dying Dani.. I mean I’ve never died before but I think that dying feels different then caffeine withdrawal.” Jamie opened her pack of cigarettes and offering it to Dani who took one.
“These menthols?” She asked while fishing in her jacket pocket for a lighter.
“Yeah. They’re the ones with the little ball in the filter that you have to crush.” Jamie handed Dani her lighter just as she pulled her own out of her pocket.
“Oh great, my third ball crushing of the night.” She snorted. Dani light the cigarette and slowly exhaling while crushing the filter between her fingers to create a menthol cigarette.
“Sounds like you’ve had an eventful night. Mines been pretty boring. It’s just been a shit ton of 40 year old men cheating on their wives. It’s kind of nice though, all I gotta do is lie back and they’re coming in 2 minutes from all the excitement.” Jamie chuckled.
“It’s been.. something. That guy is nice though and as strange as it is it’s nice to get out a little bit of my frustration out with him.”
“I thought you said third ball crushing of the night? What was the second?” She raised her eyebrow. Jamie knew who Dani was talking about because he was a regular John of hers.
“The guy’s got two balls.” Dani stated as if it was obvious which made Jamie laugh.
“I think I’m going to grab a coffee before my 5am. I can’t do this no coffee thing anymore. I’m dying. I don’t know why I thought quitting caffeine was a good thing.” Dani checked her phone. It was 3:45 and she knew there was a diner right around the corner from where they were.
“I don’t know why either. Of all the things keeping your body going, you decide caffeine is the first thing you wanna quit?”
“Hey, I like to keep things interesting.” Dani shrugged. “Besides everything else is to fun and… stuff.” She knew she was in way to deep into the party lifestyle to stop everything. Alcohol helped numb her. The coke helped her find the energy her body needed to run on 3 hours of sleep a day and the opioids helped her chill out when her mind got the best of her and the physical abuse she suffered left her struggling to move. Everything else she took was just for fun, and she had no reason to stop. “Want to come with me to this diner I saw around the corner? We can go somewhere warm for a bit and I can drink coffee and then not sleep later.. which makes this plan a bad plan but I’m freezing and don’t have anywhere to be for an hour.”
“I wish. I got some guy picking me up at 4.” Jamie frowned. She would much rather join Dani then spend an hour in a sketchy motel for the 8th time tonight.
“Lame, we gotta starting scheduling our appointments together.” Dani stood up and leaned down to peck a kiss on Jamie’s lips.
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Now that it was the weekend the diner was busier then it had been during the week. She had spent some of the quieter times of the nights using the stage in the diner to practice her dance for her recital but it had been consistently busy tonight with people stopping in the diner for a bite to eat after broadway shows, and club goers. It wasn’t to much of a different scene then during the day when she normally worked but the drunk patrons could get on Santana’s nerves. Now that the clubs had been closed for almost two hours it was slowly emptying out and Santana knew it would be dead again soon. She hoped she could get in some practice, if only to keep her awake because she was more tired then usual tonight.
Santana sighed from behind the counter when she heard the bell chime and was about to go greet their new customer when her shift partner stopped her and said she would get it.
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“Sit anywhere you like.” Dani acknowledged the waitress when she entered the diner. Dani took a seat in a booth by the window.
“Hello! My name is Angel. I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” Dani smirked at the blonde. It was funny to her that two different jobs could use the same line on customers with two completely different meanings.
“Can I start you off with a drink or do you need a minute to look at the menu?” The question snapped Dani from her thoughts and she quickly scanned the menu. She should eat something and she was hungry but Dani only had enough cash on her for a coffee. Well.. she had other cash on her but she wouldn’t dare touch it because he would know if she short changed him and that wouldn’t have a good outcome for her.
“Just a coffee please.” Dani flashed the girl a smile.
“Coming right up.”
Dani sat back in her booth, enjoying the warmth of the place. Spring was here but on nights like tonight it didn’t feel like it. When her coffee was placed in front of her Dani thanked Angel when her coffee was places in front of her. She grabbed the sugar and poured some in her coffee, then grabbed a few creamers and poured those in before mixing her coffee. She didn’t expect this coffee to be the best she ever had, but it was needed.
With a sigh Dani rest her head in her hand, her elbow on the table. She just wanted to go home and go to bed but she knew that that wouldn’t happen for a few more hours so she hoped the coffee would do it’s job and wake her up. She wasn’t necessarily surprised to see that she wasn’t the only one in the diner, but it was busier in here then she expected it to. Her eyes scanned the restaurant, most people in here looked like they had left a club and were just here to have a place to keep the party going.
“Shit.” Dani felt her heart skip a beat when she continued to scan the diner and her eyes fell on the only other waitress in the diner.
No, no. It’s not her. She just looks like her. It’s 4am Dani, you’re at a diner miles away from Ohio and Los Angeles which is where her and Santana had made plans to run off to after high school. The caffeine withdrawal is just getting to your head. Dani was trying her best to convince herself that she didn’t just see who she thought she saw. There was no way that she did, even though she highly doubted not having coffee for a day and a half could cause hallucinations.. it could have. She had no idea. Okay calm down. Stop freaking out! That isn’t her. You’ve been through this. She’s gone. Dani she’s gone and with where the fuck your life ended up it’s a good thing. Santana was destined for great things and she wouldn’t have deserved to be dragged into all this shit you were. I didn’t either though. She thought to herself, staring down at her coffee that she hadn’t touched yet. Maybe I did? She didn’t though.
Dani shook her head. She didn’t need to be thinking about this right now because the waitress just looked like her, either that or Dani was finally losing it. Just to make sure that she didn’t see who she thought she did Dani took another peek at the waitress, who was laughing at a comment somebody at another table made. That laugh, she would recognize it anywhere. That was Santana.
All the colour drained from Dani’s face. Her mind was racing with thoughts. How was Santana here? Have they lived in the same city for years? Why was she here? Had Santana seen her to and recognized her? No it didn’t seem like it. Dani had a million more questions but she didn’t have time to search her brain for answers because she had to get out of here. Her ex-girlfriend, the one she had planned a whole future with was here in the same diner she was at 4am on a Saturday morning. Dani had to get out of here. She so desperately wanted to go up to her, wrap her arms around her waist and tell her how much she loved her. She couldn’t do that though. The last thing she needed was Santana seeing her like this. She didn’t want her to see the way she was dressed. She didn’t want her to look in her eyes and notice her pupils were the size of saucers. And she definitely didn’t need her putting two and two together and figuring her out before she had a chance to even have one conversation with the woman.
Looking down at the table Dani inhaled a shaky breath. She had to leave. The longer she sat here the more she would want to talk to the woman and Dani couldn’t do that or risk staying and being recognized. Dani knew as painful as it was that she was better off forgetting that this even happened. Dani needed to forget because her life was a mess that Santana didn’t need to be in, not again.
Opening her wallet Dani pulled a $5 bill out and placed it on the table. It was enough money for the coffee, that remained untouched and a generous tip. She tried to get up without drawing attention to herself, not even risking looking in the direction of the Latina while she slipped out the door.
It was taking all of her strength to not break down as she rushed back to the park hoping there would be a familiar face there that she could talk to. When she got back though there wasn’t, it was probably for the best though because she couldn’t break, not here. Dani still had to work for a few more hours to go and she knew exactly what to do to numb her pain.
Dani walked further into the park and knelt down behind a tree, out of view of the road and anybody else she could see. It had been almost five years since she last saw Santana. She didn’t know that it would be the last time when Santana dropped her off that night and what hurt the most was that she didn’t even get to say goodbye. Dani had been forced to leave and she hoped that Santana didn’t think she left because she wanted to or because she didn’t love her anymore because that was so far from the truth. She loved Santana, she still loved Santana. No matter how much she tried to convince herself she didn’t still love her, Dani did. It didn’t matter though. That part of her life was over. Maybe she could convince Jay to let her move cities? That was she wouldn’t be tempted to go back to that diner. Dani shook her head as she sat down. She was getting ahead of herself and for now she just had to shut her brain off and finish her night business as usual.
#dantana#dantana fanfiction#dantana fanfic#glee#glee fanfic#glee fanfiction#santana lopez fanfic#santana lopez fanfiction#santana lopez#demi lovato#Dani glee#naya rivera#Naya Rivera fanfiction#Naya Rivera fanfic#demi Lovato fanfic#demi Lovato fanfiction#another life
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Homo naledi may have used fire to cook and navigate 230,000 years ago
https://sciencespies.com/humans/homo-naledi-may-have-used-fire-to-cook-and-navigate-230000-years-ago/
Homo naledi may have used fire to cook and navigate 230,000 years ago
By Alison George
A reconstruction of the skull of a Homo naledi child
Brett Eloff Photography
Archaeological evidence suggests that Homo naledi, a primitive human species with a chimpanzee-like skull, used fires to cook food and navigate in the darkness of underground caves, despite having a brain one third of the size of ours.
“We have massive evidence. It’s everywhere,” says Lee Berger at the University of the Witwatersrand in South Africa. “Huge lumps of charcoal, thousands of burned bones, giant hearths and baked clay.”
This find, which is still being analysed and remains controversial, could revolutionise our understanding of the emergence of complex behaviours that had been thought to be the sole domain of large-brained species, such as modern humans and Neanderthals.
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H. naledi was first discovered in 2013 in the Rising Star cave system in South Africa when two cavers managed to enter a hitherto unexplored chamber via an incredibly tight passage. The surface was littered with thousands of fossil bones. In 2015, these were declared to belong to a new species.
We now know that H. naledi was about 144 centimetres tall on average and weighed around 40 kilograms. It had a strange mix of primitive and modern features, with ape-like shoulders, a tiny brain only just bigger than that of a chimpanzee and teeth “more reminiscent of something millions of years old”, says Berger.
Yet dating of its fossil remains in 2017 showed that it lived relatively recently, between 230,000 to 330,00 years ago, meaning that it could have co-existed with Homo sapiens, which evolved in Africa around 300,000 years ago.
A hearth possibly made by Homo naledi
Lee Berger
But questions remained about how H. naledi navigated through the labyrinth of underground passages at Rising Star, which are in complete darkness and require complex manoeuvres through gaps in the rock just 17.5 centimetres wide.
This inaccessibility means that, in the past decade, only 47 people – all small and slightly built – had managed to access the Dinaledi chamber where H. naledi fossils were first discovered. But in August this year, Berger, who is 188cm tall, decided to risk entering this labyrinth, losing 25 kilograms of weight in preparation.
“It’s not a space made for six-feet-two people like me. I’m by far the largest person who’s even been in,” he says. He knew there was a possibility he might not be able to squeeze out again. “I almost died on the way out,” he says.
The risk paid off. When Berger entered the Dinaledi chamber and looked up, he realised that there were blackened areas and soot particles on the rock. “The entire roof of the chamber is burnt and blackened,” he says.
By coincidence, at the same time that Berger was observing the soot, his colleague Keneiloe Molopyane, also at the University of the Witwatersrand, uncovered a tiny hearth with burnt antelope bones in another part of the cave system, then a large hearth next to it 15cm below the cave floor. Then, in another area called the Lesedi chamber, Berger found a stack of burnt rocks, with a base of ash and burnt bones.
This is a remarkable discovery, as many researchers thought it was impossible for such a small-brained hominin to make and use fire within a cave system. Although we have evidence that ancient humans living in what is now Kenya could control fire as far back as 1.5 million years ago, this capacity “is typically associated with larger-brained Homo erectus”, says Berger.
H. naledi also seem to have used the space in interesting ways, with “body disposal in one space and cooking of animals in adjacent spaces”, says Berger. “The capacity to make and use fire finally shows us how Homo naledi ventured so deep into dangerous spaces, and explains how they may have moved their dead kin into such spaces, something likely impossible without light. It also hints at a complex naledi culture becoming visible to us.”
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Dating of the charred remains is still underway, so the decision to announce the fire discovery in a talk on 1 December, prior to the publication of the formal scientific analysis, has proved controversial.
“It’s impossible to evaluate Lee Berger’s claims properly without seeing the full evidence, but apparently that is forthcoming,” says Chris Stringer at the Natural History Museum in London. “With all due respect to Lee and his teams for a series of great finds, this is not the way to conduct science or progress scientific debate about potentially very important discoveries.”
However, for Francesco d’Errico at the University of Bordeaux in France, the discovery that H. naledi may have been able to control fire could give insight into the way they treated their dead and their social organisation.
“If Homo naledi were shown to have mastered fire and used it to gain access to the most remote areas of the Rising Star karst system, this could have very important implications for the interpretation of mortuary practices conducted at the site,” he says. “The control of an artificial light source allows the organisation of actions in space and time and, in the case of mortuary practices, facilitates the participation of several members of the group in collaborative and shared actions.”
Charcoal possibly used by Homo naledi
Lee Berger
For Berger, the fire-use discovery has implications that are even more revolutionary. If these small-brained humans with many primitive features were capable of the complex cognition required to make and control fire, then “we’re beginning to see the emergence of a cultural pathway and behaviour that we thought, until this moment, was the domain of [Homo sapiens and Neanderthals],” he says.
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BNHA & FMA Podfic recs!!
Here are 16 my hero academia and 5 full metal alchemist brotherhood podfics I enjoyed immensely. Make sure to leave the amazing authors and readers a kudo!
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FMA Podfics:
build your wings on the way down [PODFIC] - Written by ShanaStoryteller.
Read by Opalsong
8 hours 50 min 35 sec
Where the loss of ignorance is more valuable than the knowledge gained, and Edward figures out the source of alchemy a lot sooner than before.
"Edward has cockroaches under his skin and leeches in his veins. He's vibrating and bursting and his body is too small, too big, doesn't fit quite right. He needs Al to know - needs to tell someone, anyone, but he will cut out his own tongue before he burdens anyone else with this knowledge."
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The Golden Automaton [Podfic] - Written by teaspoonnebula
read by teaspoonnebula
about 40 min so far
Rumours about the work of a reclusive alchemist bring the Elric Brothers to a remote castle. Soon they're faced with disturbing questions which threaten to damage their relationship forever.
What happened to the previous Count of Creuzberg?
Who is the mysterious silver girl who lurks in the catacombs?
And is the soul bound to a suit of armour actually Alphonse Elric or… something else?
(My take on an 'Alphonse identity crisis' story, in a spooky gothic horror mystery setting! Now a podfic, with SOUNDSCAPES and MUSIC!)
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The Butterfly Dream [THE PODFIC!] - Written by teaspoonnebula
read by teaspoonnebula
about 3 hours and 40 min
Everyone knows that Edward Elric died. He died a long time ago. In Xing, he's a footnote in the career of his surviving brother, Alphonse Elric, the Great Alchemist of the West. When someone decides that the Fullmetal Alchemist needs to return to the land of the living, it's up to Alphonse to deal with the soulless facsimile of his brother which is created.
Technically set post 2003 anime, but with a lot of love for and some borrowed characters/concepts from Brotherhood/the manga.
Now a PODFIC with SOUNDSCAPES and MUSIC!
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One shots:
Cause for Concern [PODFIC] -Written by SomethingIncorporeal
Read by Opalsong
20:13 min
Havoc's first encounter with the little Elrics.
Havoc had been looking forward to meeting the Elric brothers, but he’d been looking forward to it while thinking he’d have the whole office as a buffer. He hadn’t thought he’d have them all to himself in a car for half an hour in traffic. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Overjoyed was not the word.
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[podfic] Care to Dance? - written by wishingforawand
read by klainelynch
34:49 min
Two dances a decade apart and two people destined to be in each other's lives forever. Roy Mustang taught Riza Hawkeye to dance.
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BNHA Podfics:
[podfic] the cute guy next door (might be a villain) - written by Alesyira
read by Alesyira
will be about 8 to 10 hours when completed
Quirkless, young adult Midoriya Izuku has a problem. Namely, he has a crush on his purple haired, tired-looking neighbor. They keep running into each other and the guy is actually pretty nice under that deadpan facade, has a sense of humor, doesn't seem to judge anyone for their quirk status, and is constantly spoiling any cat in the building that finds him. (He's also a shameless flirt.)
But Izuku has concerns. About the strange bruises and bloodied knuckles. About the weapons he's seen when stopping by for a cup of sugar. About the shady-looking figures he's accidentally spotted his neighbor meeting with. About the fact that right after the news reported a big crime bust, his neighbor came home beat all to hell and looking haunted.
Izuku has a problem. Namely, he has a crush on his neighbor, who he's pretty sure is secretly a villain. And he has no idea what to do with that.
(or: Adult!ShinZuku AU where Shinsou is an underground, undercover pro hero trying to find a lead on a case that may or may not involve the socially awkward guy living next door. Misunderstandings abound.)
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What is this feeling? [Podfic] - Written by huliganships
read by huliganreads
18:24 min
Katsuki decides that Izuku can't play with him anymore. He doesn't have a quirk after all!
But why does he suddenly feel so bad?!
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A Blast from the Past [Podfic] - Written by huliganships
read by huliganreads
20:48 min
Bakugou Katsuki is a world-famous chef... and he only has one regret.
Sadly, his mother knows him too well.
(It's really not sad, but he'll die before he admits that to her face.)
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[Podfic] The Art of Saying You're Sorry - Written by low_commotion
read by sisi_rambles
48:18 min
In which Bakugou Katsuki is not an apologetic person, but he thinks he should probably try for the sake of, like, teamwork and peer-pressure. Midoriya kind of wishes he'd figure out how to do it properly, or at least be less weird about it.
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[PODFIC] How To Decipher A Midoriya's Mumbles (by whatagoodegg) - Written by whatagoodegg
read by BbGg
48.06 min
step one: have a hearing quirk
step two: try to resist the urge to tell everyone about the wild shit he says
step three: profit?
aka: midoriya is in the habit of talking shit under his breath. its cathartic. he didnt think it was necessary to break the habit. too bad he forgot about the girl in their class with a hearing quirk.
aaka: five times jiro kept quiet about what she heard, and one time she didn't.
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[Podfic] U.A. Unsolved - written by handcrusher (ameliafromafairytale)
read by Byuu_chan
24:20 min
"Hey there, ghosts," Midoriya says, "it's me, ya boy."
The dorms are haunted. Shenanigans ensue.
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Get a New One to Replace the Old [Podfic] - written by MJBooklover
read by n3gativ3gnat
10:19
It was a damn shame that Mirio didn't have a quirk anymore. Izuku, however, realizes that he could fix this.
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The Way To A Man's Heart Is through His Stomach [Podfic] - Written by huliganships
read by huliganreads
12:05 min
"I swear to fucking god, I could marry whoever makes these." Katsuki moaned after biting into the sweet and spicy pastry.
Be careful what you wish for Katsuki.
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Paradise [Podfic] - written by Encyclopika
Read by MyPodficAcademia
52:27 min so far
In the crystal clear waters of the South Pacific lies a spit of sand, rock, and palm trees nestled between a rainbow of coral reefs. Some may call this paradise, but Ochako calls it a life-saver. Ever since she was separated from her pod and marooned here during a deadly cyclone, she has made the most of it – alone. The surrounding corals are teaming with tasty food items and the sheltered lagoon has become her home base. When another storm hits, Ochako is better prepared, but she can't say the same for everyone. The following morning, Ochako finds debris washed up on her shores...as well as a human! Ochako knows to keep her distance – humans have been unkind to merfolk throughout history, or so she had been told by the elders in her pod. But this one seems...harmless? He's definitely alone and definitely unsure of himself as he wanders the tide like a new born babe, confused and in need of some guidance. Ochako decides she will be that guidance from a distance. After all, if she keeps herself hidden in the waves, then nothing can go wrong...right?
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Missing [Podfic] - written by Encyclopika
Read by MyPodficAcademia
32:12 min so far
Two years after graduation, Ochako is tasked with taking on the next big case at the Ryukyu offices - finding and capturing a mysterious villain adept at fast mass murder and then disappearing like a ghost. Ochako expects this to be daunting, not just because she is charged with mentoring the new intern through this, but because she must also work closely with an estranged friend she finds she still has feelings for.
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[Podfic] Catching Bees - written by MonocerosRex
Read by sisi_rambles
17:42 min
“You scored very highly—”
“As fuckin’ usual.”
“—but your interpersonal skills are still unbelievably low. If you are going to be a pro hero you need to be capable of working on a team—sometimes even one composed of people you don’t like.” Aizawa seemed to have roused himself from the edge of sleep long enough to impart this wisdom to Blasty.
“Whatever. Just tell me what I’m doing.” Bakugou didn’t seem very moved. Mina thought one might need a backhoe to achieve such a thing.
Aizawa zipped himself up in his sleeping bag.
“Go around the classroom and give everyone an honest compliment.”
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Twelve f̶u̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ Hours [Podfic] - written AmyNChan.
Read by MyPodficAcademia
59:19 min
When Bakugo and Uraraka get hit with a personality swapping Quirk, it's one big headache for poor Izuku.
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[PODFIC] Things that Haunt Our Hallways - written by ghostwriterofthemachine.
read by EzrayPods (Ezray)
83:17 min
“It was a kid,” Yagi gasped out. He had his hand balled up into a fist and the fist pressed to his lips, as if to remind himself that he could not start screaming. “Or. Young person, maybe 20. Homeless, I think. Activated their Quirk on reflex and then ran. The kids—” Here, he pressed his fist harder to his mouth, sucked in a wheezing breath, as if the air itself was pushing down something with physical weight. “The kids—”
“Scattered immediately,” Aizawa finished for him, and Yagi managed a nod.
Yagi’s eyes were so dilated that the blue was almost invisible. He shook violently. He looked like a scarecrow in a windstorm.
Someone activated a Fear-Inducer Quirk so powerful that it reduced All Might to this— of course Aizawa’s class had bolted.
Or:
A Fear Gas fic, BNHA style.
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[podfic] Could I but teach the hundredth part - written by Terra_incognita
read by Annapods
37:14 min
Ito Matsu knows three things about her neighbor, Mr. Yagi: he's very skinny, he's very kind, and he has enough children to overthrow the Japanese government.
Or: All Might is retired, but his former students keep coming up with reasons to visit.
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[Podfic] Colorblindness, Not A Concussion (you Dipshits) written by FallingNarwhals
read by i_cant_read_ive_just_memorized_words
14:04 min
“I’m not colorblind! You guys are just mean.”
“Deku, you’ve been colorblind since we were kids. I mean, you wear red shoes with your shitty green costume. How can you not be colorblind?” Bakugou rolled his eyes. “In kindergarten you were always mixing up your colors. Do you even know what color your shoes are?”
Midoriya blinked. “They’e green.”
“No they’re not, asshole!”
“DO NOT CUSS AROUND ERI!” Everyone yelled at the same time.
:Or where Midoriya is colorblind but doesn't think he is.... and Eri is cute.
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Saw This. Thought of You [Podfic] written by Izupie
read by MyPodficAcademia
38:59 min
Izuku Midoriya is the up-and-coming, talented and hard working pro-hero Deku.
Unfortunately for him, Izuku Midoriya is also a nineteen year old boy.
An unexpected birthday present from his old high school crush reminds him of this. Hard.
#fullmetal alchemist#my hero academia#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#podfic#fanfic#fanfiction rec list
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