#which is extremely unhelpful at best

[halalchampagnesocialist]

How to spot Liberal Zionist Propaganda 101

This post is by no means exhaustive at all. There are many Liberal Zionist talking points but these are just some of the most common ones. While on the surface they seem a little naive and hopeful at best, they are very much harmful. If you claim to be an ally to Palestinians, this post is primarily for you!

For starters, liberal Zionists will often try to both-sides the issue of Palestine, talk about how it's complicated, they'll claim that the conflict hurts both Israelis and Palestinians, how the only way forward is one where Jews and Arabs "just need to get along," amongst other things. They also often like to centre themselves, even when acknowledging Palestinians as the victims of Israel or this "conflict." From time to time, they also like to engage in tokenising certain Palestinians whose views tend to more or less align with theirs. Here are some common arguments you may hear from them:

1. Any form of justifying Israel's existence or claiming that the only solution is two states

It does not really need to be said why justifying Israel's existence is harmful but justifying its continued existence also means legitimising Israel's land theft, its expulsions of Palestinians, and its ongoing harm to Palestinians and other populations. Reducing any sorts of “solutions” into a binary is unhelpful. Needless to say, a 2ss would not even address any legitimate concerns Palestinian have, such as the right of return, and would only legitimise Israel’s colonialism. Talking about a two-state solution also implies that the root of the conflict lies in Palestinians not having their own state rather than being an occupied people. It is very much also possible to construct a paradigm where Jews and Palestinians both live together on the same land as equal citizens that doesn't involve two separate states, much less an ethnostate.

2. Security for Israel could only come through peace

This is a similar talking point to the one above. Not only does it centre Israeli safety and security above Palestinian liberation but it mistakenly assumes that once Israel makes peace with Palestinians, it'll achieve security. The reality, however, is that Israel's imagined security has quite often come at the expense of peace. In fact, "peace" has just acted as nothing more than a smoke-screen for Israel to carry out its expansionist policies, particularly in the West Bank. When liberal Zionists talk about peace juxtaposed with Israeli security, they're talking about attaining a negative peace rather than a positive one.

3. Israelis are not their government.

This point does nothing to actually help Palestinians. It is also an incredibly tone-deaf thing to say when Israel has targeted many Palestinian civilians by having alleged proximity to Hamas, such as being family members of militants or leaders (inc. children!), civil servants in a Hamas-led government, or even any male above the age of 15 they consider to be a potential combatant! It also deliberately erases Israeli civilians' support of and culpability in Israel's actions towards Palestinians.

4. Netanyahu and/or the Israeli right are the source of conflict.

While it is true that things have gotten inadvertently worse under Israel's various right-wing governments, they are not the source of conflict, but rather a product of extremist nationalism and Jewish supremacy perpetuated by the system. Both the 1967 occupations and settlements were undertaken under centre-left governments in Israel, and Israeli policy under non-right wing governments has been just as harmful towards Palestinians and has paved the way for where we are today. Blaming Netanyahu just also obscures the violent nature of Israel's military occupation over Palestinians which long precede him coming into power.

5. Netanyahu and Hamas are two sides of the same coin

I don't think I've seen any allies give validity to this claim but it's an extremely reductionist claim and is sort of similar to the one above. Groups like Hamas are merely a response to the Israeli occupation while Netanyahu is a byproduct of it. While some Israelis may see Hamas or their actions as an "obstacle to peace," Israel's actions and policies long pre-date Hamas and how Israel is currently responding to Hamas is no different to how Israel has engaged with Palestinian militant groups in the past, regardless of political affiliations or political goals. It is also important to note that Hamas has agreed to the establishment of a state along 1967 borders while Netanyahu aims to prolong the occupation and empower the settler movement (some of whom are part of his coalition government) as much as possible.

6. Israel is not a settler-colonial state.

While it is indisputable that Jews have historical connections to Palestine, that doesn’t automatically make you Indigenous or negate Israeli settler-colonialism. Colonialism in particular describes a relationship of exploitation. There are many cases of this, but we most clearly see this in the West Bank where Israel exploits natural resources on occupied Palestinian territory for its own political and economic gains. In terms of settler-colonialism, it is widely known that Israel expelled hundreds of thousands of Palestinians to make way for Jewish refugees and migrants to the new state of Israel, and is still actively facilitating Jewish migration to Israel today while denying Palestinians their right of return.

7. (X) doesn't help Palestinians.

It is not up to anyone to determine whether certain tactics or strategies are helpful or not. This point only seeks to discredit pro-Palestine organising. Only Palestinians get to decide what is actually helpful for the cause or not.

8. Any sort of Hamas-blaming.

On the surface it may seem like there’s nothing wrong with this, but this point is often harmful and usually lends itself to right-wing talking points because its objective is to deflect blame away from Israel. Certain arguments blaming Hamas also aim to minimise Palestinian suffering perpetuated by Israel. It also paints Israeli violence as retaliatory to Palestinian violence which only obfuscates Israel’s (and by extension, the US’) role in its state military apparatus and the differing power dynamics between Israelis and Palestinians. In other contexts, this point seeks to also legitimise certain opposition, such as the Palestinian Authority. Hamas-blaming also tends to sometimes lead to racist diatribes about Palestinians and their culture.

9. Al-Jazeera is not a credible news source.

Al Jazeera is a news source like any other. It has varying editorial policies and therefore will have equally good reporting on certain issues while having terrible reporting on others. The difference is that Al-Jazeera's news on Palestine is credible because it comes directly from their Palestinian reporters on the ground and first-hand eyewitness accounts. Western news sources are no more or less credible than al-Jazeera. Compare this to CNN, NYT, and any other Western news sources where Palestinian voices are often entirely missing from the narrative.

10. Overemphasis of antisemitism on the left

Antisemitism is a real issue and has the potential to fester in left circles if not directly addressed head on. Combatting antisemitism is extremely important, however, it is not an issue exclusive to the left. There is also a double standard in that no one expects Zionists to call out Islamophobia and anti-Palestinian racism. Certain accusations of "antisemitism" also seek to distract from what's going on in Palestine by making it about Jewish comfort and feelings. Combatting antisemitism, Islamophobia, anti-Arab racism etc is always important as the basis of good politics.

Last but not least, be wary of native collaborators or any sort of normalisers! They are Palestinians or Arabs who try very hard to appeal to Western liberal consensus and can end up perpetuating a lot of harm to the cause and/or other activists. You will know them when you see them.

#palestine #israel #liberal zionism #other palestinians feel free to add onto this whether it be other points or anything else

[starqueensthings]

We need to talk about Echo (and by talk I mean screm). S3 E13 + 14 Spoilers!

FRIENDS, I'M GOING TO EXPLODE. I need to talk about Echo for a minute. We need to talk about Echo for a minute,  because he has spent the last two episodes in the absolute thralls of complete and total danger, and I personally don't feel like there's been enough of a celebratory uproar for me to be satisfied with the level of appreciation and love that man deserves. (Remember when Hunter ran face first into a colossal exhaust pipe and we all collectively lost our minds because it was so impressive and so sexy? Remember when Tech drove a speeder really fast through a tunnel and we all fainted? I'M A TECH GIRLY. IT WAS ME! I FAINTED!!) but, Y'ALL, Echo deserves that right now!! And for all eternity!!! Because he is wholly submurged in the harrowing potential of torture and execution, and he didn't even bat an eye to put himself there. My awe of him is all-consuming, so please forgive me if this rant reads as nothing but incoherent screaming. 

Echo haters (first of all, we can't be friends....) come on this journey with me! Let's back pedal to the beginning of the last episode (13). He stole an imperial shuttle. Let me repeat, he stole an imperial shuttle. And not just an attack shuttle. Not just a lil one-pilot transport. Bro somehow stole a Rho-class medical transport, which is very large, obscenely conspicuous, and very easily tracked. And, to use his own words, it was "the best he could do on short notice." The man stole a shuttle on short notice. ON SHORT NOTICE? HELLO, HOW DID HE DO THAT. WHY AIN'T WE LOSING OUR COOL ABOUT IT. 

Next stop on this I-love-Echo journey through my mind: not only did he provide his brothers transportation in the complete void of their own (RIP havoc bb), but he also came equipped with intel and clearance codes, and, as Rampart stated, those things change DAILY. Echo somehow procured top secret imperial clearance codes, and a fkn SHIP, within hours of the Batch requesting his help. Not to mention, the ship had yet to be reported missing (which means it was only-freshly commandeered), and the clearance codes worked. Of course they did. Echo never fails. Never doubt Echo. "Echo's on it."  

Choochoo, next stop! Once they arrived on that station orbiting Coruscant, and made their way to the control room (lookin sexy as heck in his armour-au-noir), he broke imperial encryption, hacked into the Imperial database, almost instantly found them the location of a ship departing for the prison that holds their daughter Tantiss, AND THEN DIDN'T EVEN HESITATE TO CLIMB ABOARD AND STOW AWAY.  

He didn't even remotely have a plan, or have time to make a plan. He didn't know who or what else would be on board that mysterious vessel. He didn't know where it was going other than the name of the fkn mountain (which has proven to be nothing but unhelpful thus far). He just ARC-troopered his way through that crowded hangar, dodging aggressive astromech's and inconsiderate loader droids, shirking from the perspective eyes of highly trained commandos, and snuck his way onto a heavily guarded, extremely unknown science vessel. Then, of course, he wasted no time, hacking into the ships control system (may I gently remind- there were at least three pilots and an officer prepping the ship for jump and closely watching all aspects of its controls), disabling the proximity sensors without being detected, and then seamlessly covered the troopers absence by pretending to be him (which we all know is what should have happened on Serenno but... hindsight is 20/20.)  

So... SO.... now we're at Episode 14. Here we at fkn terrified station because HULLO ECHO IS ALONE ON A SCIENCE DIVISION TRANSPORT; we have literally seen them carry around Zilo beasts in that shit. What the heck else could be on there that they don't know about? Literally anything. Because THEY KNEW NOTHING before attaching themselves to it. Echo knew NOTHING before sneaking onto that thing and creepin' around. Thank heck he didnt come across a fkn fresh wave of slither vines ok?  

NEXT, Echo shoots (not stuns- lol) a sassy fkn droid (they had it coming, not sorry), then another trooper. AND THEN discovered his only option for departing the ship once it enters atmosphere is going completely undercover, because (in true "we improvise everything" CF99 fashion that gives me heart burn just thinking about it), they had zero fkn plan to get off the ship. I will repeat: completely undercover. On Tantiss. COMPLETELY UNDERCOVER ON TANTISS. NO COMMS, NO BACK UP, NO RECON, NO PLAN, BARELY ANY GEAR, and I would just like to stress... no neuro brace. He left his neurobrace on that ship. Left it. LEFT IT AND TOOK A HAND INSTEAD. PLEASE FKN SEDATE ME.  

We can't leave this station yet... This I-love-Echo train needs to linger at this point for a sec because I think it's lost on some people how wild this is. Echo without his neurobrace is huge. It's a bigger deal than Echo without his armour. Armour is, in the grand scheme of things, inconsequential (one can find more- see Howzer). Echo's neurobrace is not armour, it's a computer and it's so so so crucial to how his mind processes information and events. Don't forget, the Technounion HIJACKED HIS BRAIN. They took every memory from him and manipulated it for their gain. Pruned it, tweaked it, blanched it, poached it, turned it into scrambled eggs, and then fkn ate it up and used it to defeat their enemies (Echo's family- I'm sobbing). They implanted him with an unfathomable amount of information; they changed the way the neurons in his brain fire in relation to stimuli. That neurobrace is so so critical for him. Now, we know he can operate well enough without it, we saw it in the last episode of the TBB arc in season 7 of Clone Wars, but... please.... to what extent? We don't know what an extended time without that neurobrace looks like for him... especially when all other aspects compliing his surroundings foreign, unknown, and dangerous, and that scares me.

AND NOW HE'S ABOUT TO RUN AMOK IN TANTISS with Emerie who, (I'm sorry) is wishy-washy as heck (who are you loyal to!!!!! What is your history!!! Are you trustworthy and what are you looking to gain!!!), trying to adopt a collection of Jedi children whove spent maker-knows how long playing space tetris, WHILST ALSO ATTEMPTING TO LOCATE AND ESCAPE WITH HIS BROTHERS UNDER THE EYE OF THE GALAXY'S SECOND MOST DANGEROUS MAN. 

So yes, short of d-d-d-di... can't say it... short of THE WORST CASE, Echo has made the ultimate sacrifice to save not only Omega who is literally the only person we've seen able to make him truly laugh, but all the clone brothers that he's been desperately trying to locate and rescue. His bravery and determination are literally unrivalled, and he did it while feasting on nothing but humble pie because that man wouldn't know arrogance if it danced naked under his perfect nose.  

Okay so welcome, we've finally pulled into I-Love-Echo station. Before departing the ride, please stand and do a hip hip hurray for the miracle that is Echo, including but not limited to, everything he's done, is doing, and is willing to do for other people. 

#starqueensemotionalbreaksdowns lol #long post #the bad batch #tbb #bad batch #tbb spoilers #the bad batch spoilers #the bad batch season 3 #the bad batch season 3 spoilers #bad batch season 3 #bad batch spoilers #bad batch season 3 spoilers #tbb season 3 #tbb season 3 spoilers #starqueensedits #tbb echo #echo tbb #bad batch echo #echo bad batch

[mariacallous]

you don't have to answer if you think it'll give you too much blowback but I think Biden's Israel strategy is that he thinks Bibi is likelier to listen to him if he gives US support than if he pulled the plug on support entirely, and he thinks Bibi would be even more unhinged if the US turned on him, so it's a harm reduction approach to diplomacy . There aren't any good options so he's taking the option that'll lose him the least votes domestically and what MIGHT result in Bibi being less awful. People can disagree with this strategy but it's frustrating to see the people who call him Genocide Joe not reading the news stories of the Biden administration putting immense pressure on the Israeli gov't behind the scenes. like idk maybe real diplomacy might work better in foreign policy than performative slogans and speeches ...

Unfortunately I think that’s exactly the calculation, and I do also think that it’s probably the best option available. Netanyahu and his government have made no secret of how extreme they are, and how little they care, both about people they disagree with/are opposed to and things like norms and morals. His government is also one that is prone to disproportionate reactions, both militarily and otherwise. All of that is to say that the options available and the outcomes are limited.

The US has also very poorly handled things in the Middle East (huge “no shit” moment there, I know, and obviously not just in the Middle East) historically and recently, and between the Trump administration left things in general and their specific actions re: Israel, the cards the US holds are very weak, and completely pulling support for Israel and doing the political and policy equivalents of chanting “from the river to the sea” a) makes Netanyahu and his government even more extreme and unresponsive and therefore they *really* can just go off and do what they want, since any restraining or moderating influence is completely gone, b) pushes them even closer to Russia and other powers who would welcome that kind of realignment and split, c) will cause Iran and its proxies (Hezbollah and Hamas) to be even more active and empowered and violent and d) is completely unhelpful for both Israeli and Palestinian civilians who would suffer more.

Because of how Biden has been handling things, we’ve gotten more aid in to Palestinians, more pressure to stop harming them, and more credit and support among the Israeli citizens, which puts even more pressure from above and below on Netanyahu, and it’s being done in a way that makes it difficult for Netanyahu and his government to try to use it or publicize it, plus it’s a steady pressure.

Is there more he could and should be doing? Absolutely. More aid and support going to Palestinians. Pushing even more on Egypt to open relief corridors. Less military aid being sent to Israel currently. But there’s no button or switch that can be used which just stops what’s happening.

[mikareo]

⌗ ROMANTICISM ₊ ˖ ་. rin itoshi x fem reader (4k)

⊹ ⠀⠀ there are so many words he wishes he could take back, and he realizes now that he loves you. he loves your colorful laugh, beauty, and passion - all he needs now, is to tell you...and say those three little words. (part two of rationalism - must must read first!!!)

contains; colorblind!rin, painter!reader, rin’s mom is reader’s art mentor, rin hates art, strangers to friends to lovers, swearing, immense fluff, , kissing, extremely inaccurate depictions of colorblindness, happy ending!!! author's note; this was originally supposed to end with reader getting into a car accident and d-wording the day of her art gallery...but i changed my mind :D

He misses you. He can’t help it, but he does. 

The memories he has with you are a cassette tape on autoplay - constantly running through his mind on repeat, and always ending with the awful confrontation that you’d left each other with. Rin wishes he hadn’t raised his voice. He wishes that he would’ve been honest with you from the very beginning, but he hadn’t, and there’s no changing the past. All he has now are two empty hands that would much rather be interlaced with your paint-covered fingers. 

“How much longer do you think you’re going to be moping?” Sae’s call is distant from the turning gears within Rin’s brain. He’s sure that his brother has grown tired of his constant state of melancholy - having been forced to be his support system after you walked out the door - and Rin feels awful about it. If he could, he’d rip his heart from his chest and allow you to step on it. To stomp and tear through the organs just as you’d done to those poor bystanding cherry blossoms on the sidewalk. 

“As long as she’s still upset with me.” He groans as his forehead hits the marble of the island counter. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Yeah, well we already knew that.” The dim-eyed boy beside him scoffs while taking yet another drink of his apple juice - which he has unfortunately had to drink for the past hour and a half since Rin had somehow consumed his small supply of alcohol within the past few weeks that the two of you hadn’t been speaking. “I was really rooting for you, man. I thought she was the one to break your cycle.”

“Cycle?”

What the hell does he mean by ‘cycle’?

“Oh, you know,” Sae continues without even taking a breath, “The cycle of life you’ve got going on with your inability to actually attract girls.”

Rin hates him.

“You’re an asshole.” He grumbles, taking his own swig of the pint of orange juice he found in the back of his fridge. Is it expired? Likely yes. Does Rin care, at all? Definitely not. Is he even more pissed off that he doesn’t understand the irony of why it’s called orange juice? He doesn’t want to answer that question. “An unhelpful asshole who should definitely stay over and cook dinner for me since he wants to make up for being said ‘unhelpful asshole’.”

Sae scoffs, shaking his head whilst the thin, soft strands of his hair flit back and forth. His right eyebrow raises in a mocking expression, “You need to get yourself back out there, man. You’ll be old and grey if you keep waiting for the perfect girl to come knocking on your door, so just talk to her. Just fucking talk to her and put me out of my misery.”

“Are you trying to make this about you, right now?” Rin stares at his best friend in utter disbelief, but he’s not truly upset. He knows that Sae holds good wishes for him in all manners of life - this being no exception - and takes his words to heart. He’s right. Of course, he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t even try to get you back. “The sun must be falling out of the sky because I’m actually considering following your advice.”

“That’s a pretty picture to imagine,” his older brother chuckles, causing Rin to roll his eyes. What’s the sensation that everyone has with mentioning imagery every five seconds? “Just talk to her, man.” Sae continues, “Please, I’m all out of advice.”

Rin takes his brother’s pleas to heart. It is quite ridiculous that he’s spending his time depressed and lonesome when he could be reconciling with you. Perhaps it’s his fragile masculinity acting out and refusing to take blame for the situation, although he’s fully aware it’s completely his fault that you’re upset with him. 

It’s difficult for the gears to begin turning in Rin’s head. They’re covered in brittle rust that’s been creeping deep into the crevices of his mind for his entire life - slithering down his spine towards his blackened heart that you had only just begun to breathe life into. He misses the feeling of spring that came when you called. The freshwater rain of your laughter and budding blossoms of your smile that washed away his loneliness and replaced the awful emotion with an overgrown garden of bliss. He still doesn’t understand how he managed to mow that garden down with one sentence. He might as well have taken a chainsaw and brutally hacked into every connection that he’d managed to make with you in your time of knowing each other. 

Now he’s going to be on his knees begging for forgiveness with his hands stained by the minced grass. Does grass stain green or yellow? Hopefully not brown, dear lord. He’ll be buried deep into apologies that should definitely be rehearsed, but he knows he’s not an artist with words and he won’t bother to waste your time with crumpled-up ‘I’m sorry’ notes and improvised tears. 

You deserve nothing but the best - so much more than he’s been giving you and he needs you to hear those words come straight from his mouth. 

When did you begin to mean so much to him? Rin doesn’t even know. 

It could’ve been when you showed up to his game unannounced, with first row seats and a booming cheer that he never knew he desired. ‘C’mon number ten! I know you can do better than that! Beat their asses, Rin!’ He nearly tripped at the sound of your voice, and falling on his face was the last thing he wanted to do in front of Isagi - but to be completely honest, he doesn’t remember much of his qualms with his rival from that day. Rin was solely focused on playing well for you. The world stopped and he was given all the time needed to impress you. You give him a reason to be better, a selfless reason to do good. 

Perhaps it was when you’d shown him around your homey apartment, with maple art easels and splattered canvases lining the walls, and watched with glee as he made his best attempt at a finger painting (which may or may not have ended up looking like two worms kissing). ‘It’s abstract’, you’d say every time he found something new that was wrong with the art piece, ‘All it needs is a home. See?’ You hung his shitty little sketchbook paper on your living room wall, right next to your TV for the whole world to see. The way you stood there staring in awe still rattles his brain. You’ve always been able to find beauty in even the smallest things. 

Or maybe his heart had begun to beat a little faster that Saturday night on the way out of the theater. The romance of the film the two of you just witnessed was still on Rin’s mind, provoking his alcohol-induced body to make a pathetic attempt at holding your hand - which resulted in him accidentally knocking you over into a street puddle that swallowed the heel of your shoe. ‘I needed to take a shower anyway, Rin, it’s fine!’ Your smile continued to be bright despite the low temperature and sprinkling rain, and he can recall wondering how you managed to stay so positive in such a dreary situation. As you discarded your soggy heels into a nearby trashcan and skipped barefoot on the pavement, you called, ‘Come on! Dance with me!’ The shared laughter between the two of you echoed through the seemingly empty streets that surrounded you - hands connected as you swung in circles around each other and fell over one too many times, until he carried your sleeping body home. He doesn’t think anyone’s ever been able to make him laugh as hard. 

The way the corners of your eyes crinkle amidst fits of giggles is his favorite image to replay. He doesn’t need to know the color to be able to see how beautiful they are - to appreciate the blinding sparkle that overwhelms your irises when he accidentally trips over the uneven sidewalk or knocks over your painting station - or even when he unintentionally makes a sexual innuendo that you just so happen to pick up on. ‘That’s a love hotel, Rin! Why would I have stayed there before?’ It was almost as if you were conducting a symphony of glorious laughter that night. The violins played the tune of your voice in a higher octave and the cellos added a punch everytime you’d bite your lip in an attempt to calm down. He hadn’t known what a love hotel was intended for before that night, but he’d also made the mistake to say, ‘I wouldn’t mind going to my first one with you, it could be a first for both of us.’ and you still haven’t let him live it down. Rin’s honest with himself for the most part. He’s awkward, insufferable, and a bore to be around - yet, for some odd and unknown reason, those are your favorite things about him. Why?

Why is it that he can’t function like a normal person when your eyes meet his?

Why do his words rearrange themselves and become complete gibberish when he attempts to woo you with his charm?

What is it that keeps him coming back to you, despite holding such deep hatred for the things that you love most?

“I need to text her.” Rin feels his chest vibrate as he finally makes a decision, the words pouring from his mouth in a short word vomit - forcing Sae to piece together the jumbled mess and attempt to comprehend whatever it was that his big brother was trying to say, to which he jumps up from his seat at the island and aggressively pats Rin on the back. 

“That’s what I’ve been saying, dumbass! Get those fingers movin’!” 

His phone falls into his hands in a millisecond, with Sae eagerly awaiting to hear his poetry. He’s grateful to have such a supportive friend. Rin knows that there aren’t many people who would be willing to put up with him for so long - having been moping around and complaining day-and-night of relationship problems that were solely caused by him - and he can’t imagine not having his support. Hopefully he’ll be able to introduce you, one day. You’ll both give him so much shit for his attitude. Oh well. It’ll all be worth it having two people he loves get along. 

…

Did he just…

What did—

There’s no way.

Did he really just use that word? That godforsaken word?

He’s trembling. Rin’s phone is shaking in his hands as he finally comes to the realization that he does, with his entire heart and being, love you. In an instant, his entire world scrambles together with rapid dashes and line art that he can’t even comprehend. There’s no rules to follow with these types of feelings - this insistent need to see you. Hold you. Kiss you.

Fuck, he wants to kiss you. He can’t think of anything else he’d rather be doing. 

Like tapping raindrops that never cease their fall, his fingertips move against the keypad in a rhythmic motion - singing a song of love that can’t be contained into a simple lullaby. His heart pours out into the message, apology after apology being pasted in paragraphs, and hopes with his whole soul that you’ll find it in yourself to at least see him in person. There’s no way you won’t. Rin knows you well enough now that he’s certain he’ll be seeing you again. All he needed to do was take the first step towards forgiveness, and he’s finally willing to be vulnerable and own up to his inability to be honest about his feelings, because he loves you. He loves you and he wants to tell you a hundred times, a thousand times, and a million times until you beg him to shut the hell up and kiss you. 

‘I’ll be at the studio tonight. I miss you, ______, and I’m sorry.’

He ends the message with a final apology, begging fate that you’ll read it in time to meet him while he still has courage - and with that, he’s on his way to the place he hates most, awaiting the person whom he loves most.

An hour has passed - well technically it’s been fifty-seven minutes, but who’s counting?

He’s counting.

The sun went into hiding ages ago and the moon now stalks him as he sits in his chair, lonely with two vacant eyes that wish they were gazing at yours. Rin can’t even tell if you’ve read the text or not - the grey speech bubbles look the same as they always have, and the delivered sign is posted at the bottom with no response. He wants to send a follow-up message, just a little ‘hey, you there?’ but he knows that’s a little bit much. If you want to see him, you’ll see him and he’ll confess his feelings once-and-for-all - though, he’s feeling much less confident than he was an hour ago. Ahem, sorry. Fifty-nine minutes ago. 

Rin has a plan of what he’s going to say to you, and hopefully it makes sense when the words begin to fall from his lips. He’s said it many times before, but he’ll say it again, he’s never been good with words or feelings or anything of the sort. He wants to get better, though - to become more emotionally aware for your sake, because he knows that’s a priority for you. You have an image of your dream guy that’s been in your wishes since primary school - tall, handsome, daring, dashing, yada, yada, yada - and he’s trying to be that guy. He needs to be that guy. He’ll be anything for you. 

Anything and everything…even the desperate guy who can’t get a text back. 

Y’know, for a moment - a brief and fleeting moment - the world seemed a little more beautiful in his self-realization of love. The stars glistened brighter and the street lights sparkled in their reflections. Before tonight, Rin hasn’t ever been able to appreciate the natural beauty of what surrounded him. He never understood your fascination with replicating real life into paintings and sketches, but he seems to have digested the concept - at least a little bit. The only thing that could undoubtedly make his world more dazzling would be the sight of you, and holy shit there you are. There you are opening the front door - and your gorgeous, perfect reflection in the glass is looking straight at him. 

He doesn’t need the ability to see color to know that you’re the most fascinating and jaw-dropping sight in the entire universe - and that the rainbow should be rearranged in the letters of your name in honor of your ability to captivate attention and inflict a multitude of emotions on him that he’s never felt before. 

“Rin?” Your melodious voice is the remedy that his ears have been yearning for. “Rin, is that you? Why’re you in the dark?” 

This means you haven’t read his text, right? Otherwise, why would you be confused as to why he’s here? Wait, why’re you even here?

You begin to explain yourself without him needing to ask, “I left my phone in here earlier like an idiot and I’ve been looking for it all day. Isn’t that so dumb?” You let out a little laugh, amused at your inability to keep track of your personal belongings. Why aren’t you acting like you’re upset with him? The last time you talked, you could barely look him in the eye - yet now, you’re so casual, almost as if nothing happened. “Here I am looking for my lost phone, but instead I find a lost Rin Itoshi.”

“What are you doing here? Sitting in the dark?”

The repeated question is met with a pregnant silence as Rin fails to piece together the rehearsed words he had come up with earlier, settling on a bear hug that nearly suffocates you. 

He’s so overwhelmed by the feeling of touching you again that he barely notices how stiff your posture is. You’re practically a piece of rock in the midst of being carved by its maker, frozen and unable to formulate an action in response - which, in this case, means that he’s your artist. Rin relaxes his hold, urging you to reciprocate his warmth by nestling his face in your neck. Your right arm finds its place wrapped around his waist and your left around his neck, allowing him to engulf you further into his hold. You smell so nice. He notices the lavender perfume that he bought you is still rubbed into your skin, and he’s glad that you’re finally using it. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

Rin’s fingers run through your hair in smooth waves, gently kneading out the small knots and helping you relax - and he can tell that your full attention is on him. For the first time in knowing you, there aren’t any distractions or excuses to avoid this conversation. It’s just you, him, and the bare truth. He just hopes he can execute this right. 

“There aren’t enough words to explain how sorry I am, genuinely. I shouldn’t have ever belittled you like that, ______.” He takes a deep breath, one of many, and closes his eyes. The scene of you stomping away from him has no end in his mind. It constantly plays at every hour of the day, re-run after re-run, to torment him and remind him how horribly he screwed up with you. Please, please forgive him. “You’re not just my mom’s student. You’re not just a friend that I get coffee with. You’re so much more than that and I’ve been such a fucking chicken and haven’t been able to be honest with you.”

“You couldn’t have possibly known about my condition and it was wrong of me to take my frustration out on you.” Rin can feel himself begin to cry, his tears raining down his cheeks in cascades of pent up anger and hatred for how he made you feel that day. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve to be treated like shit by him. “Your work is important to you and I know it should be appreciated. What’s important to you is important to me, okay?”

“You love your art, and I love you.”

He says it over and over again. Those three special words rapidly become six words, nine words, eighteen, forty-two, and onwards as you look at him with an empty expression. Please, please say something. For every second of no response, he confesses his love to you. He confesses as if it’s his source of air - the only way that he’ll be able to survive this encounter is if he bares his emotions with no regrets. If this were a movie, he’d be the desperate protagonist in the climax of the story who fucked up his love life and is begging for a second chance - hell, this is real life and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Just, please, have a happy ending.

You open your mouth, yet nothing comes out. No words. No statements. No confessions. You’re simply staring at him like he’s just told you the most absurd news in the existence of the universe…

…and then a tear falls. 

One tear slips from your eyes, followed by another, and another…until your face is drenched in salty rain with black mascara creasing your eyes. You look like a raccoon. Rin almost starts laughing. No. He is laughing; laughing because your false lashes have fallen into your hands as the glue refused to be waterproof - and now you’re standing before him in a puddled mess of makeup and disheveled hair. You’ve never looked more beautiful. 

Rin brushes his fingers across your cheek, attempting to wipe away your tears like an artist covering up a beautiful mistake. If he were a painter, he’d paint you a million times and more - hanging every portrait on every single wall of his apartment, until there was literally no space left for a scrap of paper. You’re the most gorgeous girl he’s ever laid his eyes on, and the smile that suddenly bursts from your sobs confirms it. 

“What’s going on? I’m so confused, are you happy or are you sad?” He’s so concerned and his inability to read emotions correctly only makes him more helpless. “Talk to me, beautiful. C’mon.”

You lean into his touch and he instantly knows that everything is going to be okay. 

“I just never thought I’d hear you say that.” Your smile is directed at him now, and he feels a warmth that is so familiar yet unfamiliar and he can’t get enough of it. It’s similar to the feeling of being showered in sunlight or snuggling beneath a comforter in the winter - an overwhelming comfort that’s a gift from you to him. “I feel like I’ve been waiting forever. Fuck you for that.”

Now you’re both laughing, giggling, and beaming at each other. His heart feels so at peace. The civil war between his divided emotions, love and loneliness, has finally ceased. 

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

Neither of you can stop the flow of confessions that slip from your tongues and in an instant your lips are on his - clashing and colliding in a furious kiss that rivals the strength of a hurricane. It’s almost as if he can physically feel your love pouring into him and warming his heart into a heated flame, stoked by the embers of your touch. God, he missed your touch. The feeling of it is addicting. It’s his personal heroin and he’ll never get enough of it. 

Your lips are just as soft as he imagined them to be, perhaps they're a rosy pink color with the slightest touch of strawberry lip balm that he keeps getting a fleeting hint of taste from. Never in his wildest dreams did he think you’d love him too. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. He silently repeats over and over - grateful that he’s been so blessed to know you…feel you…and love you in the awful world that he hated living on his own  - the world void of color that you’ve somehow brightened by simply breathing beside him. 

His hands are everywhere. Your hips. Your waist. Your breasts. Your neck. He can’t get enough of the feeling of you. With every passing second he’s falling deeper and deeper in love. You’re utterly perfect, he would kiss you for years if that was an option—

Aw shit, he knocked over an easel. 

“Goddammit,” he mumbles while briefly pulling away from you. Of course he had to interrupt the moment he’s been waiting months for with his clumsiness. He’s such a dumbass. If he could punch himself in the gut, he would - but that would be way too embarrassing in front of you - hold up, this painting is familiar!

“Well I'll be damned.” He chuckles and turns the canvas towards you, to which you burst out laughing. “I thought you’d have thrown this out.”

“No,” you gaze at the painting with love in your eyes. “I could never, that’s how we met.”

The painted streak he accidentally inflicted upon your artwork remains in the same position. It seems that you never even bothered covering it up and embraced the imperfection. While Rin cannot decipher the magnitude of colors on the canvas, he’s sure that the various strokes look gorgeous and masterful. You’ve always been so talented. He’s so lucky.

As he places the painting upon a now-standing easel, you rest your forehead against his. He loves you. He loves you so much. So much so that he can’t help but take a step closer, not just one but many, and embrace the overwhelming love and passion he holds for you. There are so many words he wants to say, confessions that can carry on for an infinite number of lines, but there’s no need for that now. You have forever - and he decides to start that forever with his favorite thing…

…a kiss. 

“I love you.” You whisper.

“I love you more.” He replies.

read the final part here. THANK UUUU

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⊹₊｡ reblogs are greatly appreciated! ˚₊⊹

#୧ ‧₊˚ 🎐 ⋅ my writing #i.e. romanticism #rin itoshi fluff #rin itoshi x you #rin itoshi x reader #itoshi rin #rin itoshi #rin itoshi ff #rin itoshi fanfiction #rin itoshi fanfic #rin itoshi angst #rin itoshi hc #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin x you #blue lock x you #blue lock x reader #bluelock x reader #bluelock x you #blue lock #blue lock ff #blue lock fanfiction #blue lock hc #blue lock fic #rin itoshi fic #rin itoshi fics #rin x reader

[zoeythebee]

How To Make Your Code Actually Good

This is about programming structure and organization. Resources online are very sparse, and usually not super helpful. Which was unhelpful to me who was struggling with code organization.

So I wanted to make this, which will explain how best to structure your code based on what I've learned. What I lay out here may not work for everyone but it works well in my experience.

These resources were very helpful for me

Handmade Hero - https://youtu.be/rPJfadFSCyQ

Entity Component System by The Cherno - https://youtu.be/Z-CILn2w9K0

Game Programming Patterns - https://gameprogrammingpatterns.com/

So, let's get started.

So first we need to cover a few terms. These are Decoupling, and Abstraction.

Decoupling

So, when we code there is only so much information we can keep inside of our brain at one time. If we kept all of our code in a single file, we would have to keep in mind every single line of code we have written thus far. Or, more likely, we would actively ignore certain lines that aren't relevant to whichever problem we are trying to solve. And miss possible errors by skipping over lines we didn't know were important.

This is bad, what we need to do is decouple our code. Decoupling just means to break something up.

We need to split our code into smaller more manageable pieces so that we can focus better on it without cluttering up our brain with useless information.

For example lets take into account a basic game loop

int main(){

bool running = true;

// Game init code

while(running){

// Game update code

}

// Game exit code

return 0;

}

Obviously in a real example this would be much larger. So an extremely good start would be moving chunks of code into different functions.

int main(){

bool running = true;

gameInit();

while(running){

gameUpdate();

}

gameExit();

}

Now, when we are working on loading the game, we shouldn't have to think about what's happening in the rest of the app. This may take moving some code around inorder to truly seperate it from the rest of the code. But it is a very worthwhile effort.

Abstraction

Abstraction is when we take complex pieces of code and put them inside of a function or structure to make that feature easier to use. Or to hide tiny details that would be a waste of time to type out over and over.

For example programming languages are abstracted away from Assembly. Which of course is a thin abstraction away from machine code.

Now abstraction is great, computer science is practically built ontop of abstracting away small details. but the point I'd like to make here is that you can go too crazy with abstraction.

If you are making a gui application, and you need to create a new button. And to do so you need to run a function that returns a new class that you pass into another function that returns a pointer to an app state that you use with the original class to interact with a gui state that takes in a general state class and a position.

You have abstracted too far away to actually getting that button on screen. And due to all the hoops your code has to go through you will face major performance hits as well. And nobody likes a slow program.

Generally my rule of thumb is one layer of abstraction. Obviously for really complex stuff like graphics more abstraction is required. But for our own apps we should strive to as little abstraction as possible. Which makes code more clear and easier to debug, if a little more verbose at times.

Note that breaking things up into other files and functions are pretty cheap abstraction/performance wise. But the number of steps your code has to go through is what's important. Like the number of objects you have to go through, and functions you have to run.

Now these are good general tips for programming. There are also other good tips like consistent naming conventions, and consistent function names and argument patterns. But that's all pretty basic good-programming-things-you-should-do.

Now when I was learning this sort of stuff, I got told a lot of the stuff I just put above. But the biggest question I had was "but where do I PUT all of my code?"

As projects grow in complexity, figuring out sane ways to organize your structures and code logic in a way that makes sense is pretty tricky.

So to kinda crystallize how I think about code organization is basically.

Pick a pattern, and stick to it

A design pattern is just a piece of code structure you repeat. And there are lots of smart people that have come up with some pretty smart and flexible patterns. Like entity component systems, and state machines.

But sometimes you have to figure out your own, or modify existing patterns. And the best way to do that is to not plan at all and jump right in.

Do a rough draft of your app just to get a general idea of what you are going to need your pattern to support. And you may have to build up a pattern, find out it sucks, and start over. The trick is to fail fast and fail often.

Grabbing some paper and trying to diagram out how you want your app to flow is also handy. But getting your hands dirty with your keyboard is the best.

Now if you are new to programming, the above method probably wont work the first time. The only way to really learn code architecture is by building apps, and when you are first starting out many of your apps are probably falling apart early on. But the more you build these apps the more you learn. The bigger the apps you make, the more you learn.

But there is something that's also very helpful.

Steal somebody else's pattern!

So I can explain this best with an example. I make games, and the complexity I have to deal with is having multiple game objects that can all interact with each other fluidly. Enemies, the player, collectibles, moving platforms. This is a pretty tricky task, and I wound up picking two patterns to follow.

The first one is a modified version of a State Machine that I call a Scene Manager.

A scene is essentially a structure that contains an init, update, and exit function and can store data relating to the scene. And I have a Scene Manager that I can dynamically load and unload scenes with. So if I need to create a main menu or a pause menu it's as easy as loading a scene.

For my actual game scene I chose to use an Entity Component System. I linked a video above that explains it very well. To summarize, an ECS use entities. Entities can contain data called components. And systems will grab any entity that has the required components and will modify that entity. For example a Move system will operate on any entities that have the Position and Velocity components.

And this has worked very well for my game. Now this doesnt solve every problem I had. I still had to fill in the gaps with code that doesnt 100% match the pattern. After all there isnt any pattern that will fix all possible issues a codebase needs to solve. For example to delete an entity I have to add it by reference to an array where it is deleted AFTER the game is done updating.

Elsewhere I used a bit of abstraction to make creating entities easier. For example i created a class that stores methods to create entities. Whereas before I was manually adding components to empty structures.

Decoupling entity creation meant I could focus on more important things. I also deal with window resizing and rendering in a layer outside of the scene. In a way that would affect all Scenes.

An Example

In the game I'm making, the most complex part of the program so far is the player update code. Which makes sense for a platformer. So the issue is simple, it's getting too long. But the other issue is things are in places that don't immediately make sense. And it's all packed inside a single function.

You can view the code as it is now here.

Our goal is to decouple the code into pieces so that it takes up less brain space. And to reorganize the function so it's layout makes more immediate sense.

So my first step is to figure out a logical way to organize all of this code. My plan is to split it up by player actions. This way all of the jump logic is inside it's own function. All of the shooting logic is in it's own function etc.

Here is the code after implimenting the pattern.

Notice how this decouples the code into more manageable pieces so we can work on it better. Also note how I am still keeping one layer of abstraction from the player update code. I also put it in a seperate file to slim down the systems file.

So the method I implemented here of observing a problem, coming up with a pattern, and implementing it. That at a larger scale is how to overall structure a good code base. Here in this small instance I found a working solution first try. But for more complex code you may have to try multiple different patterns and solutions before you find what works best.

And that's all I have to say. I hope it made sense, and I hope it helps you. Let me know if I should change anything. Thanks for reading!

#codeblr #programming #gamedev #indiedev #game development #webdev

[snarkesthour]

United By Music Hatred Of The Jury  

Eurovision has been dogged by allegations of cheating, corruption, bad judging calls, and hatred of the jury for many years. This year brought that to a head with Sweden’s win over the public favourite Finland, in an allocation of points that shocked Europe.

Sweden received only 243 points from the public vote, without a single “douze points” from any country. Finland received 376 votes from the public, the second highest amount ever, including the coveted 12 points from eighteen different nation-states. How, then, did Sweden manage to win? Finland was only awarded 150 points by the professional jury, while Sweden was given 340, sailing their singer Loreen, a previous Eurovision winner, to victory.

Understandably, people are upset.

One reason that Finns have said it hurt to lose to Sweden is due to their history. Finland was colonised by Sweden for over 600 years, after Sweden annexed them (a long process lasting between the 1150s and 1350s at least). Sweden is still seen as superior in a number of ways. The Finnish language is often considered weird and ugly. Käärijä, the singer representing Finland, went to Eurovision to prove that a song sung in Finnish could win.

The professional jury clearly shows bias against songs sung in native and minority languages and not English. Time and time again, they vote for the most generic pop songs instead of performances laced with languages and culture from the performing countries. Last year in 2022, France sent a song in Breton, a language with a long history of oppression in France, with Celtic iconography. They received only 9 points from the jury. Meanwhile, audiences enjoyed the performance, and were happy that France finally sent something other than a modern chanson song, French audiences included. Keiino included aspects of Sami culture and language in their song in 2019, and lost out to the Netherlands, falling several places due to the jury vote. The Eurovision Song Contest exists to showcase and celebrate the full cultural richness of the competing countries, and it is wholly wrong for the jury to penalise that.

This argument is unhelped by those that often complain about the amount of Anglophone pop songs, yet then vote for the same due to loyalty, or the attractiveness of the singer, or politics. There is nothing wrong with voting for an English language pop song if you think it is the best song that year, but one way to help these non-English language songs is to allocate them a smaller amount of votes and save the rest for your favourite. This way these countries know that other people did enjoy their performances, and that they would like to see more of the same.

During its occupation by Sweden, Swedish became the dominant language in Finland, spoken by the upper class, administration, and education. It was only under Russian rule that the Finnish language started to gain traction and recognition, finally achieving equal status as Swedish legally in 1892. This is part of why it was so important to Finns to have a winning song sung in Finnish, their only previous win being in English. To show that their language is not rough and ugly sounding, and to demonstrate what it means to sing in your native language. The crowd sang along to Käärijä’s performance in Finnish; people who are not Finnish and have never spoken a word of Finnish. I cannot imagine that feeling. Käärijä also performed topless, with a perfectly normal body, unlike the heavily chiselled bodies favoured by Hollywood, which are, only produced by extreme diets, workout regimes, and dangerous levels of dehydration. It is no surprise he became a national treasure. Finland redecorated statues and had green shrines in their libraries and supermarkets. The country was so excited. Then they lost to Sweden over the jury vote.

Norway got the third highest votes this year from the public. They also won the televoting in 2019 too, but lost because of the professional jury votes that propelled Netherlands to the win. It was said that Norway may have had some voice trouble during the finals week, including her jury performance. The BBC praised her jury performance, but Swedish newspapers allegedly said it was very rough, and that she missed nearly every note.

The professional jury doesn’t judge the same Grand Final performance that everyone else sees. The jury judges the final jury performance, a separate show where the public is not allowed and only press accredited people can attend. Performers will obviously give it their best, but that does not guarantee it will be their best performance. It is also reasonable to assume that some singers might have a lower energy performance during the jury performance due to exhaustion, or in order to save up for the grand final, among other possibilities.

It is clear that everyone needs to be voting on the same show – anything else is just blatantly unfair. Votes cannot be accurately distributed if people are voting on two different shows.

If the juries are unbiased, we have a huge problem. Even if Finland got 12 points from everyone voting in the grand final, they would have only scraped a win with 11 points. They scored the second highest votes in Eurovision history, second only to Ukraine last year, a win that itself was mired in allegations of cheating and corruption. And yet Finland still lost.

The weighting of the votes is undoubtedly tilted towards the jury. As mentioned earlier, Finland received the second highest amount of televotes in Eurovision history, and won the public vote, yet lost to Sweden based on the professional jury. This is a kick in the face to members of the public that watched and voted. It sends a clear message that the public and their opinion clearly does not matter at all and they might as well have not voted. The public pay for Eurovision, the public stream and download and buy the songs, and as such, the publics vote should count, otherwise why bother? Why have a competition?

As it stands right now, the Eurovision Song Contest is essentially voted on like a US Presidential Election. The professional jury vote is essentially the Electoral College, capable of snatching the victory from the clear public winner that secured the majority of public votes. If we are going to complain about this system being used for American elections, then there is no reason that it should be acceptable here.

One way to fix this is to change the weighting of the jury versus public votes. The professional jury was established to prevent nations from simply voting for their neighbours or allies, yet it is remarkable how often the professional juries’ votes reflect these politics anyway. A 30/70 split to the public votes will allow the jury to make clear who they think should win while also not holding enough sway to alter the public results.

An overhaul also needs to be made to the professional jury itself. It is no secret that corruption is present within Eurovision. Keeping the names of the jury secret to prevent this from happening is only going to make it impossible to know when it has happened. Instead, the jury list should be transparent, and the juries themselves should be diverse, with a number of musical styles represented. Eurovision has a wide range of musical styles perform, and having a jury compiled of industry professionals from only one or two genres will only harm these entries, especially those that draw on traditional music styles. Many fan favourites were cheated by the voting system because their songs and performances weren’t “normal” or “palatable” enough for the jury. As mentioned earlier, these trend towards songs that have considerable influence from the culture of the country, including native and minority languages. It was also caused by the “war” between the juries, as evidenced by the graphic put out by Eurovision showing the difference between the jury favourites and the public favourites. Sweden and Finland sat in the middle of each half, essentially causing a fight over who would win by each half voting only for that one country.

Worldwide voting should also be removed. There should be a return to form when it comes to who can vote, as it was last year. Those that did not pay for Eurovision should not be able to vote, and worldwide politics could tip a win or loss by a considerable amount. The US has a population of almost 332 million people. India has a population of 1.408 billion. Imagine if any country with a population like this had even a fraction of its people cast a vote based on socio-political reasons.

Even within the voting process itself, there are problems. Votes should cost the equivalent amount everywhere. It ranges from 15p/17ct up to over a euro to vote, depending on where you are. This is going to have an impact on who can vote, and therefore who will win. Even on the app, it costs money to vote. This will not be a fair competition until everyone can vote equally and the organisers need to get on top of this rapidly.

Equality is the basis of every democratic vote, but Eurovision does not treat all of its competitors equally. The Eurovision Song Contest explicitly acknowledged the war in Ukraine and the need for another nation to host because of it. They sanctioned Russia by banning them from entering, this year being the second year in a row after their initial ban last year. This is considered the right thing to do, but it has raised several questions. The Eurovision Song Contest declined to let Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy address the audience at the grand final, saying that it would politicise the event, ignoring the fact that they had already politicised it by acknowledging the very real events happening in the world that caused something as drastic as a change of host nation. They also politicised it by denying Russia entry. The politics are even implied in the theme. While seen as the correct thing to do, it means they have, to an extent, been hypocritical. They have then taken it one step further though, with the inclusion of Israel.

Israel’s participation has long been debated due to geographical location and politics. However, to ban Russia for the invasion and war against Ukraine while allowing Israel to compete is hypocrisy at its finest. Israel has carried out the same actions against Palestine as Russia has against Ukraine, yet they have not been banned. Instead, they have hosted in recent years, often receive a decent amount of points, and this year had a previous winner featured during the interval act. Many people with the job of awarding points made statements in support of “peace and unity!” only to immediately award points to Israel.

This disparity of treatment is most obvious at two previous competitions. Israel hosted in 2019 when the Icelandic group Hatari famously waved Palestinian flags during the grand final, causing them to be deported and banned from the country. They were later fined for breaking the no politics rule.

In 2021, the Israeli entry was a song called ‘Set Me Free’, a song title that was mocked and by many for its irony. The day before the grand final, Israel launched a missile strike against Palestine (reminiscent of the harrowing news that the hometown of the Ukrainian entry was bombed moments before they took to the stage this year simply from the other perspective) as part of a series of escalations that included threatening to evict Palestinian families from East Jerusalem and nightly clashes between Palestinians and the police during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan. Many people felt that it was wrong for the performance to go ahead. For a considerable time, YouTube searches for Israel’s grand final performance only returned results for the semi-final.

Despite all this, Israel faced no sanctions at Eurovision. Contrasted with Russia, who has faced sanctions for their actions in Ukraine, fans are understandably angry and upset with Eurovision’s lack of consistent positioning on this issue, calling for the end of the hypocrisy. The double standard shown here, in the disparity of Eurovision’s treatment of Russia and Israel, is a symptom of racialised Eurocentrism – something which remains a massive problem in Europe and a subject which deserves its own post.

Speaking of the war, the UK did not utilise enough Ukrainian talent, or songs. The UK hosted on behalf of Ukraine, yet little of Ukraine was represented. Previous performers Verka, Go_A, and Jamala (who herself faced controversy for her entry at the time, it being an allegory to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine in the same year as the title under the excuse of “allying with Nazis”) returned to sing their Eurovision entries, and last year’s winners Kalush Orchestra returned with an extended opening sequence. Beyond this, and one Ukrainian presenter, Ukrainian representation was far below what it should have been. Other Ukrainian groups or previous entries should have been invited to perform, and the three previous groups that performed should have had the option to sing additional songs if they wanted to. This was a serious let-down by the UK, especially given the interval performance. Famous songs of Ukraine could have been sung instead, or even some of those Liverpudlian songs translated into Ukrainian and sung by Ukrainian performers.

Moving on from those who didn’t perform to those who did: Loreen, too, is facing accusations of rudeness and arrogance. She has already won Eurovision once before and has returned to try and win again. The popular opinion is that those who have won Eurovision before should be allowed to return and perform as part of interval acts, but should not be allowed to enter again. It is unfair to the other contestants; they have already had their moment, and should move on to allow the new competitors a fair chance under the spotlight.

Viewers noticed that it was strange that the hosts kept mentioning Abba, and that a member of Abba even made a recorded appearance. Eurovision has nothing to do with Abba’s 50th anniversary next year. Abba won Eurovision for Sweden in 1974 when the UK hosted on behalf of Luxembourg. Now, 50 years later, Sweden wins Eurovision again, in the UK hosted on behalf of Ukraine, just in time for Abba’s big anniversary. No-one can deny that this coincidence seems suspicious, especially considering the jury versus public votes Sweden received and the landslide amount of votes won by Finland.

And that brings us to the plagiarism. Many fans say Loreen’s song this year, “Tattoo” is very similar to her previous winner ‘Euphoria’. An even more common accusation is that her song is very similar, or even identical to ‘Flying Free’ by Pont Aeri. Indeed, the openings are almost a complete match. It seems hard to believe that she could compose an identical opening without having heard the original at all. Sections of the instrumentals are also similar to Loreen’s entry.

Having not heard about this controversy before the grand final, the comparison this blog draws is with Abba’s ‘Winner Takes It All’. Perhaps this is why Sweden scored so many points from the jury this year? After all, Abba constructs very enjoyable, musically excellent songs. This was only noticed when my own father heard Sweden’s entry and began singing along with Abba’s lyrics, only realising that something was different when his lyrics didn’t match Loreen’s. He has been a fan of Abba since they won Eurovision and owns several records and CDs. And even he thought it was a dance remix of Abba.

During the judging section of the competition where the points are awarded, the crowd kept booing, and chanting Käärijä’s name and “cha cha cha” while the hosts were trying to announce Sweden’s victory. This chanting continued during Loreen’s victory song, as well as many other competitors immediately making their way to Käärijä to chant and support him. It was very clear who people thought the winner should be, and it was not Loreen.

No-one remembers who won the year Verka performed. They remember Verka. That’s what’s going to happen this year. This won’t be remembered as the year Loreen won Eurovision for the second time. This will be remembered as the year the juries finally went too far, and the year Finland was robbed.

Next year we should all just send our previous winners. And maybe question if Israel has a place in this competition anymore.

#eurovision #eurovision 2023 #esc 2023 #finland #sweden #uk #russia in eurovision #ukraine in eurovision #israel in eurovision #finnish people if we got anything wrong please let us know

[hiddengiggles]

After-Play Clothing

I’ve talked before about ways to prepare to play and aftercare discussions HERE, HERE, and HERE but this is a little more geared toward a way you can care for yourself after any play sessions!

On the list of things you will learn about yourself as you explore kink, how you need to treat your body after playing. There are a few things that are universal, and others that are unique to your particular needs.

We’ll start with best practices that apply to everyone:

Textures should be soft all over. Anything you decide to wear after giving your nerve endings intense attention needs to be gentle on you. I suggest avoiding irritating textures like lace, some mesh, and some linens, and be cautious with tags stitched into your clothes. Pure cotton is usually your best bet.

You should choose pieces that make you feel confident everyday, not just when you’re at your best. For as much of a working over as your body is getting, you’re going to want to relax completely. Your mind may get a hint of drop (of the Dom or sub variety) and try to convince you there’s something wrong or undesirable about your (wonderful) body. Don’t add fuel to an unhelpful fire. Choose clothes that fit comfortably, and thank your body for such an awesome experience if you can.

Try not to choose anything too loose or with dangling parts. Your nerves are going to be on high alert for the next sensation. Something unexpected brushing or bumping you may cause distress or discomfort for reasons you can’t even express. Untied strings or tassels, for example, are not advised.

If you’ll be away from your wardrobe, pack a couple options. What feels right normally may not this time, and you don’t want to be stuck with your choice. I usually bring a couple pairs of panties, shorts and sweatpants, a t-shirt and a tank top. All are interchangeable for what I need in the moment.

Now we’ll talk about some more subjective criteria! This isn’t every option, or every question to ask, but I hope this guides you to comfort!

What kind of neckline is comfortable to you? If you find comfort in something around your neck like a play collar, you may have an easier time winding down with a higher neckline. After play, I need a little more room around my neck, so I prefer lower necklines like a V-neck

What temperature do you need to reach? I run a little cold in general, but tend to get particularly cold and shiver after an intense play session. Others run hot and need to be able to cool down. I generally suggest having light layers to shift as needed, but make sure you’ll have what you need. For people running hot, shorts, a hairtie (as applicable), and a shirt without sleeves are good. For those who run cold, long sweatpants/joggers, socks or slippers to maintain heat in extremities, a t-shirt or thin long sleeve shirt, and a sweater to layer as needed.

Do you need a particular undergarment style? Depending on the kind of play you do, there may be soreness or discomfort around the parts of you with the most nerves. For example, impact play may leave you extra tender and/or need a balm to soothe, which could lead to clothing sticking. If you’re a person with breasts, do they need air or additional support? Consider what is going to be comfortable for you and avoid unnecessary topical irritation.

As most aftercare things are, it’s going to be a little bit of trial and error until you find your unique formula for post-play comfort. Remember to communicate with your play partner if you have one, and if you’re playing alone to check in with yourself mentally and emotionally too!

#safe sane consensual #aftercare #ssc #tips and tricks #my writing #my content

[zukkaart]

As someone who’s indigenous I have lots of questions about Sokka but I think the one the consumes me the most is

How did he get two fish hooks stuck in his finger?

Like I have actually gotten a fishhook stuck in my finger before (don’t ask) and the LAST thing I would have done would be to use another fish hook:

They’ve usually got at the very least one barb. So the best course of action is to apply pressure at the tip, pull sharply (depending on how deep it’s buried) and pray.

The only instance in which I could see this happening is because the first time this happened was after the men left- because Sokka never went fishing on his own before. He always had someone making sure he didn’t get hurt. And therefore never learned how to tend to his own wounds

Katara likely wasn’t there. And depending on what time of year it was he might now have wanted to risk taking off his gloves, and if he didn’t then he was risking the fabric of the gloves getting caught in the hook could have caused more damage.

And if he didn’t want to take off his glove that means he got the hook stuck in his finer through the glove. Which is very hard to do on accident.

So I could picture Sokka trying to asses his materials- likely only fishing materials. And deciding which one to use so that he can keep hunting instead of just going to ask for help, because he’s the leader now - he should be able to take care of himself.

Hmmm fishing line? Maybe. Net? No. Knife? Definitely not. Food? Tasty but unhelpful. Hook? … that could work.

The only way my mind can make sense of this is if his gloves were already off. Therefore he hooked the second one through the first one in sort of an “x” shape. And either slipped or pulled the entirely wrong direction- leading him to have to pack up his things with one functioning hand, and return to the village (presumably empty handed) to get help.

And yeah this is all “haha funny” and it’s poked at in the show. But I just think about how important providing is to my people.

And a man’s first solo hunt is a huge thing because hunting on your own is extremely dangerous. Of course fishing isn’t the same thing and doesn’t come with all of the same risks but I could see how Sokka would see it the same way. It’s not about hunting, it’s about providing.

And in his mind, he not only failed to do that but also injured himself in the process. He covers it up with humor (as he does with pretty much all his trauma) but that was probably his first taste of what he perceived to be a real failure to care for his people.

#avatar the last airbender #sokka #atla #sokka avatar the last airbender #anyway #I have lots of thoughts #about him #specifically #indigenous things I guess #Katara #southern water tribe

[gentrychild]

How about an AU where Aizawa fake expels Izuku, but no-one told All Might about the fake part, so one panicked talk with Nezu later Izuku is enrolled in Class 1-M, population:1 with All Might as his homeroom teacher?

The entire thing was engineered by Izuku. I am certain of it. It makes way too much sense. He knew who Aizawa was as soon as he saw him. He knew his MO. He messed up the QAT on purpose, which explained how he arrived last, behind Hakagure and Mineta. And he also knows All Might enough to predict how he will react. Because there is no way he will pass up the chance of being exclusively taught by All Might.

All Might told Izuku that "everything would be alright" and that he could "handle it" only to immediately call Gran Torino as soon as Izuku was out of earshot. Gran Torino is "Toshinori, what the hell?" but he does come to UA to greet his grandson, teach him how to use the quirk, tells him embarrassing stories about All Might, and so on. All Might is dying of embarrassment. Izuku is having the time of his life.

At some point, Izuku starts to feel lonely so he engineers the expulsion of several other classmates so he can drag them into 1-M. He didn't need to do anything with Iida because he tries to kill Stain. Shouto was framed for burning down something belonging to his father during the internship but Shouto was the one to read out loud the rule stating that a student doing such a thing had to be expelled. Uraraka was accused of switching Nedzu's tea with coffee. There was some negotiation with 1-B to get Monoma because 1-M also wanted an angry shouty blond boy but they finally agreed that Monoma strives best in his own class. They got Shinsou instead. Shinsou did not want to be in this class. Shinsou wasn't even framed for anything, they just straight up kidnapped him.

All Might has no idea of what kind of limits he is supposed to put on teenagers while Gran Torino is extremely unhelpful because he is not a teacher, he is the honorary grandpa of the entire class.

Aizawa realizes that Izuku did it on purpose but no one believes him except Nedzu, who finds the whole situation hilarious. Aizawa also keeps counting his students, terrified that All Might and Izuku are going to snatch one when he isn't looking.

+1. The USJ attack happens, except there is only Gran Torino, Thirteen and Izuku here. Thirteen covers Izuku's eyes and at the end of the fight, everyone has fled except for Tomura was is tied up while Gran Torino is showing him pictures of his grandma Nana.

+2. Tomura is a student of 1-M, even if he refuses to admit it.

#1-M might kidnap more villains #5 headcanons game

[bedlamsbard]

500 words written today -- some concept writing, some Home. I am in A Mood, which is extremely unpleasant and extremely unhelpful, but it is what it is and I can't do much about being grumpy. Everything is annoying me today and my inability to commit to anything is spiking.

Snippet from Yonder sequel AU concept 2.

Steve blinked, then blinked again. “Have you ever actually been to New Asgard?” “Sure, we went out a couple weeks ago for the wedding.”  This time it was Scott’s turn to blink and peer closely at Steve, like he was looking for something, then he tried to cover it up by stuffing the pizza into his mouth. Steve looked over at Hope van Dyne instead.  “Wedding?” Her gaze flickered down to his left hand, then up to his face again.  Then she looked at Scott, who shrugged in response, but swallowed and said, “You – I mean, Steve – I mean, our Steve, the real – not that you’re not real, I mean –” “Scott,” Steve said tiredly. “Right.  Uh –” “Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff got married three weeks ago in New Asgard,” Hope finished for him.  “We were there.” “The best man punched out the father of the bride,” Scott said, and when she glared at him, added, “What?  It was memorable!  Thor and Loki had to pull them off each other!” “What?” Steve said, his mind still back on Natasha’s name.  “Nat’s alive?” Scott and Hope both looked at him, badly startled and said, “What?” in poorly overlapping unison.  Scott finished by saying, “Should she…not be?”  Then he looked horrified at the phrasing.

#daily fic snippet #roleswap endgame au concept

[podklb]

Nate-Centric Fic Recs: Part 1 (Gen)

This is my first post in ages, because I have decided I have something of value to contribute! And that is my knowledge of excellent fics about Nathan Shelley. I love pretty much all the characters on Ted Lasso, but Nate is my favorite, I’ve got a bit of a mental collection of great Nate fics, so I thought I’d type it out and share it with the world. 

When I started to write this out, I realized that I have too many recs for a single post, so this one is just for gen fic, and shipfic will be in a separate post.

Nathan Shelley Gen Fic Recs

do you believe in ghosts? by @atlanticsea, ~2.5k. A character study of Nate’s journey through S1 and S2, gorgeously written with a very cool ghost metaphor woven throughout.

talk about me, make it all about you by @ohlafraise, ~1K. Nate and Jamie run into each other in S3. This fic is thoughtful, funny, insightful, and deeply satisfying, all in under 1000 words!

he can’t play it any faster when he plays the blues by @thatsparrow, ~3.5K. Rupert takes Nate out for drinks after work. This has a fantastic Nate POV that lets him be complicated about Ted and Beard and Rupert and beautifully explores all of his layers of feelings on top of feelings throughout the evening.

I Knew I Was Right (I Learned I Was Wrong) by @fandomfrolics, ~6.5K. After Nate leaves West Ham, Rebecca invites him to spend several days on her yacht. Beard tags along. The connections Nate has with both Beard and Rebecca and the way they unpack their past hurts and slowly begin to move to a different place than they started from is fascinating. This story understands all three characters extremely well.

Kitman, Backup, Wonderkid by @bisexualshakespeare, ~.5K. This is actually a filk, which means a fannish song! I love this type of fanwork and Ted Lasso fandom has very few, but we are very lucky that the ones we have are by bisexualshakespeare, who is one of the best filk lyricists I've ever encountered. This song is to the tune of Loser Geek Whatever from Be More Chill and it's absolutely perfect. Please PLEASE if you check this out, actually listen to the performance of the song, which is emotional and devastating in the best way. The lyrics are a perfect encapsulation of the headspace Nate would have gotten to by the S2 finale, and S3 so far has made it just age better and better. If you are a Nate fan, this is worth the 6 minutes of your time that it will take to listen to it, I promise.

Self-Care Tips for Lonely, Bitter-Hearted Fools by @boglady, ~5.5K. This is a character study of Nate via a bunch of self-care advice that is extremely unhelpful/frustrating/condescending because it doesn't acknowledge or address his actual needs. Kind of like most of the well-meaning advice he gets in canon! This fic is so smart about Nate and about retelling canon moments from his POV. Very formative to me when I first fell in love with this character and was gobbling up every fic I could find about him.

For a Minute There I Lost Myself by @boasamishipper, ~7.5K. Nate muddles through figuring out who he is as a head coach at West Ham. It takes him some time, but it's a beautiful journey, and the West Ham player OCs are well-developed and delightful! I love that this fic is about Nate continuing his journey on his own, that his growth here comes purely from figuring himself out, and he doesn't need the other Ted Lasso characters to do any of that work for him. He's got this!

Can't Take Them Anywhere by @hacash, ~2K. The history of kit man Nate's very detailed and specific list of what to not do with hotel furniture. One of the tags is "potentially the real Nate Shelley villain origin story" and that captures so much of what I love about the fic. It's hilarious and fun! While at the same time there's a real undercurrent of how deeply messed up and unfair it is for all the players to be so immature and self-centered and for Nate to constantly be the one who has to clean up their messes! A delightful romp, but with weight to it. Perfection.

Leave Elegance to the Tailor by TwelveLeagues, ~3.5K. Nate shops for a suit with Ted, then with Keeley, and then with Rupert. Like everything TwelveLeagues writes, this has incredible nuance and character insight in pretty much every sentence. Seeing the way Nate changes over time is painful, and the end is devastating, but there's also hope because throughout the earlier scenes we've seen so thoroughly who Nate is at his core and that he's so much more than the terrible situation he ends up in.

#ted lasso #nate shelley #nathan shelley #fic recs

[respectthepetty]

Since I decided the best way to make it through Our Skyy 2 with minimal damage was to drink my way through it, welcome to the FINAL round of

CockTails in the Skyy!

This week's drink is Par-tea-g Ways because once I knew we were ending Our Skyy 2 with A Tale of Thousand Stars, I had to bring out all my favorites to celebrate that the best was saved for last:

tequila because my favorite liquor is meant for my favorite series in this lineup

black tea for those tea sachets that saved the village

chimoy and Tajín on the rim for that tiny 🔥🔥🔥 the Grinch and his husband bring with their eye stares

I love tequila. I love tea. I love a simple cocktail, which is why I made a big glass of it. I love the Grinch and his husband. I love that they have jobs, so I know I'm going to love these episodes because I have everything I love in one sitting. It's already a 9.5/10 for me no matter what happens, and I'm going to love every single thing about this.

Bottoms up!

Tian is not Pat. Pran needs to stop yelling at him like that.

The ways Phupha cares for Tian are very practical. He is a good man who would buy his guy tools and jumper cables for Christmas. A GOOD MAN!

Pran is not someone I would want to be lost in the forest with. Negative Nelly is pouting over here while the kid and the man with the heart problem are walking. You're better than this, Pran!

Even though they are fighting, Tian knows Phupha will do his job and rescue them because he is A GOOD MAN!

I feel bad for Phupha too. Pat is already having issues, so now he has to rescue FOUR people. Say it with me - A GOOD MAN!

Phupha is in full Chief mode, yet Pat is sniffing trees and making jokes to lighten the mood. Pran and Pat are extreme opposites out here, yet both are very unhelpful in this forest situation. They are made for each other.

Kampung does have a lot of energy like most tiny hustlers.

Tian to Phupha - What took you so long?!

WHY IS PRAN SNITCHING?!

Okay, I forgive him since Pat and Pran started fighting.

Kampung is just back there chillin' being the real adult in this situation.

Phupha gives Tian flower tea for good sleep. Kampung was trying to find ginger for Tian. My rural folks may not be outwardly affectionate, but they are givers of practical care. My people.

Phupha gets no rest and NO PEACE with these people.

Pat, being practical now. He is a GOOD MAN! He can stay.

No, literally, babe. Someone needs to stay at the camp! Was nobody a scout?! Stay where you are! What if that child comes back and nobody is there?!

I feel so bad for Phupha this episode. This man earned his paycheck over these past few days.

Pran coming in with the self awareness. He can stay too!

Pat's positivity is good here. Don't sniff trees. Instead give people words of encouragement. This is where he excels.

Kampung and Tian both being stubborn and worrying about the other one is cute!

The color exchange.

Am I hearing a rooster during this touching scene between Tian and Phupha or is that the tequila? Well, I'm about to make another drink anyway, so no importa!

I made a pitcher of Par-tea-g Ways, so I don't even have to take a break to refill. ONWARD!

"He only sits like that because his back hurts." - Yeah, from carrying the weight of EVERYONE'S LIVES ON HIS SHOULDERS. Put some respect on Phupha's name!

I had to pause for the cellphone cover being the same as the doorknob hanger, and now I'm wondering if I really do remember Bad Buddy or not. Is this going to be like 2gether where I only vaguely remember the story? "There was . . . singing." That's all I got.

Pat and Pran got tea sachets and ginger! And Tian got the eye mask. Que cute.

If Pat asked Phupha to rate him after sex, Phupha would give Pat a list of critiques. Pat could not handle Phupha. Phupha would even have timestamps: "A minute and thirty-two seconds in, you did that thing with your mouth. It wasn't good. Minus half a point." Phupha is me.

The colors.

Last week, I wrote only Tian and Phupha got a warm waterfall, yet here they are, freezing.

The sound I just made when Phupha popped up from behind.

This scene is hitting just right with the tequila.

I like that Mix does not take off his shirt. There is no need when we all can get lost in his beautiful eyes.

I tell ya that seeing Earth's tattoo is my favorite I Spy game. FAVORITE!

Phupha, a practical man, is putting in the effort to be more affectionate. He is A GOOD MAN, I say!

I'm going to start using "mosquito net" as code for sex.

I LOVE THIS EPISODE! The mosquito net scene gives me the EarthMix-don't-kiss-until-the-last-episode kiss, and this feels right!

We are going down Memory Lane, but everything is better. So much better!

Give him a 9.5 Tian, just like I'm giving this episode. Nothing is perfect. There is always room for improvement, but give Phupha top honors. He gave him 11!

Phupha is hugging his man goodbye for the whole world to see. I love him so much.

NOW HE SHOWED UP!

Phupha taking pictures of his man taking pictures of his food is my dessert.

This whole date is giving me everything I never thought I'd get from them. Aof, I love you.

It's not a competition, but . . . the high schoolers

The Wai x Korn agenda is alive and strong.

I feel that "we barely got this episode to happen" comment is from Aof about how GMMTV probably wasn't for the crossover, but GOTCHA SUCKERS!

The flowers are even red and blue.

For all y'all hair haters out there, you don't deserve this ponytail.

WHITE! I don't get you enough on my screen. Tell me when I'll see you again. Please!

I feel like the parents proposed to Phupha, and that's the way it should be.

For a person who does not believe in marriage, I'm a sucker for this proposal because I have always considered them the Grinch and his husband.

Oh no! Now we really are going down Memory Lane! I NEED ANOTHER DRINK!

AND NOW THIS?! (Yod is their Pa)

This was EVERYTHING to me. I got color coding. I got Pat's hair in a ponytail. I got Wai x Korn. I got InkPha. I got White! I got my Grinch and his (actual) husband for four episodes. I GOT THE THOUSANDTH STAR! And I got drunk.

But I didn't get Longtae, so . . .

9.5/10 CockTails for giving me everything, but one tiny cutie.

I'm so happy I got to revisit all of these shows to appreciate some in ways I didn't the first time around and have the chance to see the characters I love after their happy-ever-afters.

Until next time

*plays that intro song that annoys all of y'all*

#Our Skyy 2 #A Tale of Thousand Stars #Phupha x Tian #episodes 15 & 16 #Cocktails in the Skyy #bad buddy #Pat x Pran #I MADE IT! #Literally I made all these drinks

[theambitiouswoman]

Hi, I found your tumblr recently and I...need help. I don't have a lot of people to talk to. Not my mom, siblings, no one. I'm kind of the dark horse in the family. But long story short, is it wrong to have thoughts that can take your life permanently if you've always been alone because of your mental illness/disability? I have been taking steps to improve, like watching self-help videos and talking to therapist but I am deemed "unhelpable" or "unsaved". I didn't know depression and multiple personality disorder can make therapist stop talking to you. Sorry, just need a strong voice

Hi friend, I wanted to answer you because I didn't want you to feel ignored. However, I am not equipped to really advice you on this. I am really sorry that you are going through this. Depression can be extremely debilitating and it is something you can't force your way out of. In my humble opinion, I think this adds more stress on you. I am the dark horse of my family too and it has always been difficult to have them understand me. I am also always the one to blame for problems too. Which can feel very exhausting on its own, but especially worse when we are not emotionally in a good place.

I think, thoughts like the one you mentioned are more common than you think. Intrusive thoughts are dangerous. I don't know exactly but more than 1/4 of people suffer with depression at least once in their life. As for the intrusive thoughts, I think it would be good for you to decide in your mind that you are going to have these thoughts. This way you can talk yourself through and out of them.

You should not feel this way. And honestly I feel so bad that you do. It seems like you are making an effort to work through this. And you are right, I agree. Videos, books and talking to people can only do so much.

I know I am very tough love on here, but the reality is, there is no timeline for you to get through this. I just know and believe that you can. It won't be easy. But you have to try to make an effort to do the best you can every day, with whatever you can. Just try. Even if you don't get very far. That is okay.

I think its very important for you to rebuild yourself, and this involves looking at the situation differently. So maybe start there. You are in this position and you want to get out of it. Try to make an effort, when you can to begin exercises that will help you feel good about yourself. From exercise, to working on a hobby or talent you may have. To something as simple as getting dressed. Yes, I know sometimes we literally just can't. But trying even in your mind, starts to switch the chemistry of your brain. This is important because the first person who needs to recognize how valuable you really are, is you.

In regards to therapy, have you tried seeing another therapist? Maybe that therapist specifically is not equipped to deal with your specific situation. Which is actually a real thing, so it is not a reflection of you being hopeless.

I hope you heal and get through this. You are not alone in this situation nor do you deserve to be in it. Depression is not a reflection of who you are, or have the potential to be as a person. Sending you so much love <33

[cephalog0d]

"He could smell something warm and full of aromatic spices, which was a good sign nothing had gone disastrously wrong. The door was mostly closed and Damian had music playing, so Bruce couldn’t make out any individual words, but he could faintly hear Damian speaking in Arabic. He caught an exasperated exclamation of “Mother”, followed by slightly tinny laughter from Talia over the phone, but it was much more performative than genuinely distressed, so he decided to leave them to it."

I was finally reading Comfort Food and this paragraph grabbed me by the throat!!! Like adult Damian calling him mom just to cook for his baby brother and they're having a fun/pleasant time?? I NEED the DVD commentary

Biggest Brother Damian does all sorts of little nice and helpful things for his siblings but if you make a big deal about it and call it out he gets real awkward. XD He's like a brownie, he can only do nice things if no one's calling attention to it. (That's mostly a joke, but a little bit true that he's a lot better at actions than words. He is, in some ways, his father's son and not so great at the whole "using your words to express affection" thing, so he just does stuff for them instead. Like making soup! Because feeding people is a great way to show you care without actually having to talk about it much! See also: Damian throwing a granola bar directly at Tim's face when he's been on the computer too long without a break, because they get along better now but they don't get along that well.)

I was thinking about the fact that Dick's life has been totally upended, and how beyond losing his parents he's also lost a whole slew of other things that were familiar and comforting, and then thinking about parallels there with Damian having to adjust to living in Gotham/with Bruce (compared to Tim and Jason who were at least from Gotham already; Cass has her own complicated relationship with her childhood vs her time with Bruce that's kind of a different thing than just a change in culture). And that led to thinking about food, specifically, in that context and here we are!

And the great thing about doing an AU is that you get to choose if/how you want to incorporate canon and in my case I am BLATANTLY IGNORING all of the "Talia is a horrible, abusive parent" canon and letting her actually be a good mom, dammit. (At least within the bounds of her being a somewhat morally ambiguous comic book character. Good parenting is kind of a sliding scale in the DC verse, and particularly in the Bat verse.) She's not a perfect parent, but neither is Bruce (and they share some of the same parenting flaws! Like extremely high expectations for themselves and everyone around them, or weird ideas about what knowledge and training is and isn't appropriate for a child to take part in, or having very strong opinions on What's Best For Damian that don't necessarily align with each other OR with Damian himself and have definitely never been a three-way point of contention at any point during his childhood).

There's been some rough patches over the years, but by this point Damian is on mostly good terms with both of his parents, and while he mostly lived in Gotham growing up (after the point where he actually met Bruce, obviously) he did also split his time visiting Talia in various parts of the world for various lengths of time, depending on what exactly she was up to. (Yes, as he has acquired more and more younger siblings he has started bringing gifts back for them. He says it's because they won't shut up and leave him alone if he doesn't, but you know. Literally no one believes that.)

His phone call to Talia here definitely consisted of equal parts helpful instruction in what to do and deeply unhelpful commentary on the state of Bruce's pantry and what he does and doesn't keep stocked. Or honestly probably a lot more of her dragging Bruce and less actual help. Damian definitely just asked her to text him a recipe and instead she was like "Nope, phone call" and he only complained like twice about how a text would've been easier when she spent like five minutes explaining what not to use instead of actually offering a suitable substitution.

(This story also sent me down a rabbit hole trying to research what type of food different parts of the world consider "sick people food", a la chicken noodle soup in the US, and mostly consisted of me being frustrated that the first page of results was almost entirely the same list of a dozen things repackaged by different sites, and then it devolved into articles with titles about "what country's food will make you sick?" Super helpful, internet, thanks. I did find a big reddit thread that was somewhat helpful, once I skimmed past all the answers that weren't really an answer or didn't bother to say where they were talking about. And it's funny because it was a very minor detail that got glossed over anyway due to the POV involved. Whoops. But I have several recipes I want to make now?)

#fic commentary #ceph writes things #reverse robins #damian wayne

[the1975attheirverybest]

Concept ! Imagine Matty and the reader are fighting and Matty (you know he can get real mean sometimes probably ) gets into that mode but the reader / girlfriend is suddenly meaner in a smart way like he doesn't know what to reply anymore then him hahah how do you think this would end up

Ooohhh… Yeah, I definitely think Matty’s smart mouth gets him in trouble in arguments. My dad’s kinda like that. Like he’s so smart and so blunt but sometimes THATS NOT WHATS NEEDED and he gotta learn when to shut the fuck up a bit, lmao.

I’m gonna just go off of something that Matty himself has admitted to. “I’m better at writing…”

So, like, maybe his gf is also a musician. Or maybe she’s a writer. Maybe she asked him for his feedback on something, but instead of telling her what works and what doesn’t, he starts taking issue with the very premise of the thing that she’s writing. “Well if that’s how your character felt, why didn’t she just- stop going out with this guy. It doesn’t make sense. The reader needs to feel invested. I feel no investment in this plot whatsoever.” He shrugs self-satisfied.

“I didn’t ask you about the plot, Matty. I asked you about the building that this scene takes place in.”

“Never got to that part. Got bored after the second paragraph cuz I wasn’t buying into it.”

She gets frustrated “thanks. That’s unhelpful.”

“I would say that’s extremely helpful! Saved you a conversation with your editors.”

“You did no such thing, Matty. Instead of meeting the story on its own terms, you completely re-wrote it. It’s not about why they continue to stay together! Sometimes things aren’t that simple you know.”

He’s staying cool in the face of her frustration which is her least favorite thing ever. It makes he feel like she’s overreacting even when she’s not.

“It’s okay to suck sometimes. I do it too on occasion. But you don’t have to act like that cuz you know my way is better than yours. Just cuz you’re a writer, doesn’t mean you shit gold. Not everything that you come up with is gonna work.”

He thinks he’s won the argument. He sits back in his chair, legs open wide, taking up the space proudly.

“Oh, I know. Sometimes I make mistakes. We all do! It’s part of the writing process. I just feel sorry for you cuz you live in such a narrow reality that you can’t stand the idea of someone doing things differently that you. Just because YOU would quit on a situation like that, doesn’t mean my character should. I’m writing her story, not yours. Art doesn’t always have to be slavishly adhering to your specific perception.”

He opens his mouth to reply, “oh yeah? If I’m so narrow minded, then-“ nothing comes to mind.

“I’m just gonna go work on this on my own. Thanks for nothing, my love.” She walks away and goes back to her desk. He’s just sitting there. His mouth STILL open. He blinks and tries to take in what she said.

Ends up pouting for hours. Stewing in his is. Rage. He can’t BELIEVE she called him narrow-minded. That’s the last thing that he wants to be. That’s why he works so hard at trying not to be judgmental and make sure he’s open to arguments. Then he realizes that he behaved in the exact opposite way towards her. He wasn’t open to ideas. He just pushed his reading on her from the get go, and when she got frustrated with him, he told her it was her fault for not being able to see things her way.

So he starts jotting down thoughts on paper. Goes over to her office, and is like “okay, I’m gonna read out loud from this thing so I don’t put my foot in my mouth again. I’ll stick to the script…” he apologizes, then he makes a calm case for what he thought needed fixing, why he thought that (respectfully), and what he liked. He’d begggg her to let him see her draft again and he’d be on his best behavior.

#matty concepts

[rhube]

ME/CFS and being difficult

I've recently put together something that I always sort of knew but also sort of didn't. I mentioned it on Failbook because there were people there who needed to hear it, but it's probably also worth saying here too.

I have always had communications anxiety (well, as an adult, as a kid I was much more confident), but it's definitely got worse over the last ten years, and substantially worse over the pandemic.

Some of that is definitely psychological scarring. I can easily pinpoint specific events and people who made me more anxious and changed the ways I needed to communicate to survive. But.

But it's also because of the ME/CFS. Not just because I've experienced more trauma as a direct result, but because of the physical disease.

You've heard of spoon theory, but what I think a lot of people don't realise is that cognitive activities also cost spoons - not just physical activities like getting dressed and bushing your teeth.

Thought costs spoons

UNEXPECTED cognitive activities, and a requirement to suddenly switch context, requires EXTRA spoons.

You know how walking through a door can make you forget what you went in there for? Well, sudden changes in topic, needing to switch to a new environment (such as an inbox) in order to communicate, or the need to perform a new mental task is just like that.

It's like you forced me to walk into another room and I lost all the threads of what I was doing and now I have to pick up new threads connected to some new task and also I have to remember what threads are before I pick them up. It's part of why writing alt text is so much more taxing than just writing a post and adding an image.

The alt-text box is a new room and describing an image is a new task. Both are taxing.

Unsolicited tasks

It's also part of why unsolicited advice is SO harmful and so UTTERLY unhelpful. Now I not only have whatever problem I was already dealing with, I have to stop dealing with the problem, process what you're telling me, think about whether it's helpful, and then explain to you why it's not (it's almost never helpful, but I have explained why countless times and that's a different topic).

It's also why on the vanishingly rare occasions the unsolicited advice contains something relevant, I may not have the mental capacity to reflect on and accept it. You're asking me to spend energy I haven't budgeted for on something I didn't ask about. And every single day I am already running an energy deficit. You want me to spend essential food-making spoons on assessing whether your off-the-cuff suggestion is useful. That in itself automatically makes the suggestion harmful to me, even if the thing you were suggesting might have been useful for me to do.

Let me solicit advice before giving it - I do my best to only do so when I have the spoons to think about and respond politely to the answers.

Because being polite - filtering my responses - also costs spoons.

The cognitive tax of this disease is VAST, and it includes emotional regulation. If you give me a new cognitive task without warning, you can go ahead and assume I won't have the spoons to regulate my emotional response. If I somehow manage to anyway it's gonna be extremely costly.

That's why I ask people not to use messaging formats I know I find extra taxing. The loss of Tweetdeck as a messaging system where I can have my DMs and other notifications open in columns on the same screen is actually devastating. That was the only messaging system where I didn't have to 'change rooms' to respond to a DM. (Mastodon has something similar, which I am trying to adapt to, but it's not the same and the adaptation takes spoons, not least because strangers seem much more comfortable slipping into your DMs.)

It's why I ask people to not send even mildly critical comments on AO3. The only way I can manage to keep on top of that inbox is by knowing the content won't be emotionally taxing.

I don't *like* living this way. There was a time when I sent emails for fun. I can't even imagine *enjoying* emails now. But I have finite resources to get through each and every day, and they don't add up to enough to keep my body and my house clean - somehow I have to find a way to maintain social contact (which is just as important as food) anyway, so I just...

It makes me spiky.

Tidy thoughts and emotions are as difficult to maintain as a tidy house

I'm socially spiky the same way there is *always* stuff on the floor and unwashed dishes. And yes, I *can* tidy the whole house (eg I have my dad visiting next week and a house inspection a week after) but the cost of doing that is HUGE. It has the potential to knock me out for weeks or months. And during that time the whole house is gonna get worse.

The cognitive and emotional cost of unexpected new tasks and context switching are *just* the same as surprise house inspections. If it's essential to my wider wellbeing to look in an inbox and respond politely, I will do it - and I *usually* manage this for my work email, for instance - but if it's not an inbox I have specifically budgeted time for and the communication isn't essential for my wellbeing, I may not be able to handle it well. 'Not handling it well' can mean avoiding the inbox for months or being 'spiky' in my response. Neither is ideal, so I try to set clear boundaries and tell people about them, so I'm not caught empty-handed on the spoon-front.

It's not how I want to be - it's pretty lonely and depressing - I just have no spoons at all available for dealing with unexpected cognitive and emotional tasks.

So I guess I just wanted to raise awareness about the energy expended on cognitive tasks, in case it helps someone else, or at least explains my own weirdness.

I do in fact understand some of the science behind this (neural inflammation, cytokines, oxidation, broken mitochondria, the vagus nerve, the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system - these are all involved). I have learnt a LOT this year, trying to find help where doctors aren't giving it, but this post is already too long, and I'm out of spoons, so I hope the tidy house metaphor is aenough.

#mecfs #chronic fatigue syndrome #spoon theory #cognitive fatigue #neural inflammation