#whatever it is im not interested but i am genuinely very interested in learning the diffeence between a qpr and romance

[ceasarslegion]

wait, now im really interested in the silica gel drama. how did hlrp sex ed lead to eating a gel packet?

This is going to require a novel's length of context.

To begin, I want to underline that this is not meant to be a callout post, and I will not be providing any identifying traits that could be used to single this person out. The most you will get out of that are she/her pronouns, and her age at the time this happened, which was years ago, and I will not specify what year. I genuinely do hope she got the help she needed after this, because LORD knows she needs it and didn't find it at home. This is also not meant to be a character assassination, nor should anybody who reads this post consider it to be a takedown of any sort, and if you try to find this person through me or any of our mutual friends, you will not be met with kind words. The only thing this is meant to be is a wild-ass story of some of the most off the wall experiences I personally had with this person from my specific side of the story, with a few no-username screenshots attached to prove I am not bullshitting you.

With that in mind, let's get started. This is going to be very long, so I'm throwing in a read more

Back when I was in uni, I joined a growing group of Half Life roleplay blogs. The whole idea of our group was that we each chose a character, canon or OC, and we would blog as if the pre-Black Mesa incident moment in the timeline was a workplace comedy a la The Office or Superstore. I played Barney, because I was already working night shift security at this point and thought it would be funny. Plus, it gave me something to do that wasn't staring at CCTV feeds all night tossing a ball against the wall. We played off of each other very well, yes-anding our way through funny little situations and plotlines we put together. At one point we had roleplayed enough that one of the scientist rpers created a discord server for us to talk as the actual people we are instead of through characters.

Great idea at the time. None of us saw the "Pandora's box" label on the tin before we opened it. Would I still join it if I knew what was about to transpire? Yes, because I met my boyfriend and many genuinely lovely friends through it. Would I hesitate for a second first, though, as the events that are about to transpire flashed before my eyes? Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.

We started off as many fandom servers do: chill for the most part, very loud minority of a few assholes who ruined it for the rest of us, but unlike most fandom servers, we actually won and it ended in them getting banned and the server itself surviving to this day. But the other two lunatics are not who you came here for. You want the christian lunatic.

Let's give her a nickname to make this easier. I have the Sylveon build a bear on my PC desk. Let's call her Syl.

Syl was not there for Half Life, she was there for Portal. She LOVED Portal, Half Life was just part of the same universe for her. Portal wasn't just a game for her, it was her entire personality. Which I didn't see much of an issue with at the time, because she said she was 15. Whatever, I thought; she'll learn to control her emotional attachment to things as she gets older. Syl also said that she was christian. I am a flaming atheist who doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul in comparison and I am NOT the biggest fan of christianity as an institution to put it mildly, but I'm not gonna like, be a dick to you for your personal religion if you are not a dick about my beliefs, so I didn't think much of it at the time.

It quickly became apparent that Syl looked up to me more than any of the other adults in the group the more I would talk about my life growing up as a third culture kid and moving out on my own at 19, working 2 jobs and going to a good university. She would ask me a lot about growing up and uni and moving out and yes, sex ed, and it became even more apparent that she didn't get any actual guidance from her parents or pastors or ANYBODY beyond bible studies and homeschooling, so I kinda stumbled into a mentorship role in her life. I wasn't cold, but I was aware of the age and maturity difference between us and established the appropriate boundaries with her and made it very clear that I am an internet friend, not an irl friend or an educator, but if no one else was going to give her information that wasn't actively harmful then fuck, I guess SOMEONE had to do it. I could not in good conscience watch some kid go through life with harmful inaccuracies about the world and basic human biology when I could have done something about it, y'know?

And the more things I taught her about the real world and how things actually work rather than how her republican bible-thumping rural town said they did, the more I realized she was born into a full-blown cult under the guise of a christian congregation. Oh goody, I had my work cut out for me. I will not get into the details of how messed up this group was because it will be a dead giveaway of where she lives and potentially who she is, but let's just say that one time I said that I appreciated the gesture of praying for me during a stressful week I was having but it didn't really do anything for my mental health because I was an atheist, and she sent me a bunch of bible verses begging me to start believing and said "I just don't want you to go to hell because you're so nice :((" EXCUSE ME??? Another time she said that death was only sad for non-christians because their loved ones were in hell and that proper christians deaths were a good thing because they were in heaven now. Hi, that's the most insensitive death cult shit I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Okay, set up is done. All of these details will tie in like the world's worst reboot of Pulp Fiction, I prommy.

After a good long while learning about the world from me (which like... a uni kid working night shift security is not exactly an academic source but we take what we can get) and exposure to viewpoints outside of her in-group, Syl began that very painful journey of realizing that what the cult taught you was a lie. Except that she just wasn't grasping that unlearning things was an active process. She started to flip to the opposite side very quickly, but kept all the fundamental brainwashing of the cult that raised her. The concepts were all the same, just slapped a different label on them. This created a noticeable pull between two sides of the same personality: the cult personality, and the person beyond the cult who wanted to break free. Mix that with how fucking 15 years old every 15 year old is, and you have a LETHAL concoction just waiting to blow up at the first sign of a spark.

Remember how I said that Portal was her whole personality? Syl decided that she wanted to be a scientist, and go into an ivy league program like I was in (I was in a SOCIAL science, but sure). Problem was, she didn't have the grades or the ambition, really. I had told her that I still got into an ivy league when I failed math in high school, and she seemed to completely miss the part where I said that I also joined every extra-curricular, then worked for 2 gap years for recognized institutions, and wrote an essay about why my math grade is not relevant to my program. I did it with one bad grade, so she was justified in basically just slacking off and then excusing it with "but its haaarrrdd" when we'd tell her she needs to put the fucking work in NOW if that's what she wants to do.

It quickly derailed from here. Not only was she going to be a scientist, she was going to be like Cave Johnson. And she was going to... replace her body with robot parts so she could be like glados. I don't... think she actually knew what science is, because she would just publically fantasize about running unethical experiments on people in the name of "science," and talk about how one day she wants to basically establish aperture labs for real. All of us who were there kind of agree that we don't think she was joking based on what we knew about her and the cadence of her tone. Here's something she said at the time to give you an idea of what direction she was nosediving in:

This was after a session with her therapist where said therapist said that she definitely has some kind of personality disorder, after which she was weirdly proud of having one and treated it like a badge of honour.

Syl then made a separate group chat for all the best friends she made on the server. There was her, me, @false-pyre, and @imtheaura. She titled it "My Family," despite the fact that we were all adults and she was 15 and she only knew us over a discord half life server where one person in it stepped up to somewhat equip her for real life outside of a cult. Regardless though that GC was more the vibe of a group of friends sharing memes and chatting about the day than the wider server was at the time. The others began to also take on a sort of mentorship role towards her as well, because that's kind of inevitable when you get someone talking about teenager problems in a room full of adults who all made the same mistakes before in their own lives. Well, minus the cult.

And remember how I said that she didn't unlearn any of the cult shit? Well, there was a lot of proselytizing. She decided she wasn't christian for a spell, but still wanted us and everyone to know that jesus was the lord and savior and we had to accept him or we'd burn in hell. Usually said after we'd make some joke about satan being daddy or declaring ourselves god instead, because that is just the type of humor the others and i have with each other. She took it so personally whenever one of us would go "oh my god" "you called?" it was fucking annoying. I lost count of the amount of lectures she gave us, all of which I'd shut down and tell her to get a grip about because I have a big stupid mouth.

The others and I also like to talk about evolution, and speculate about where we're going from here. My fucking god, did she not like that. She bit our heads off about how evolution isn't real and god made everyone as we are and there's no scientific evidence or whatever the hell. Like yeah good luck getting into STEM with that mindset. Whenever we pointed out that she was objectively wrong about that, she'd have a big stupid meltdown about how much we're slandering god and how jesus died for us and we're spitting in his face or whatever. He should spit in MY face inste-*GUNSHOT*

Eventually, we were making some actual progress with her. She was still one fry short of a happy meal and going off about how much she wanted to put living subjects in test tubes in between knocking on our doors and reciting Hello from the Book of Mormon musical, but we were getting somewhere. And then she went back to in person school, and her favourite teacher got fired.

The schoolboard did not say why she got fired, but we all had our suspicions that it was because she openly supported queer rights in a cult town. She was coincidentally retired shortly after making a declaration that queer people are still welcome in god's kingdom. This teacher was the first in person adult Syl had for guidance, so that incident shook her to her core, and she fell right back into the extremism. Hook, line, and sinker, even more extreme than before.

She was WEIRD that week, man. Suddenly everything was about how great god was, how amazing jesus was. Suddenly she understood why her cult member parents "just wanted to protect her" from gay characters on disney+ originals. Suddenly no one could say "jesus christ lol" around her or she'd have a fit. I said "I hate cycle counts lmao i wanna kms" because my then-job (I had graduated at this point) made me do inventory management spontaneously and wouldn't let me go home until I had counted every product in the store, and she bit my head off accusing me of turning suicide into a joke.

It was that incident that made us tell her to knock it off already, that we understood it was a hard week for her and she was in a period of grief, but that is no excuse for how she had been acting towards everyone around her that wasnt christian, and that she was actively relapsing. I'll let the exchange speak for itself:

So uh. After years of helping Syl through this she goes and pulls this bullshit. And then has the fucking AUDACITY to act like nothing ever happened in the wider server. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the balls on her to act like it was all sunshine and rainbows in the wider server after sending this and immediately leaving the same GC SHE made and titled "My Family" just because we told her to stop acting like a goddamn Jonestown citizen after all the work we'd put in to get her out of that mentality at this point.

So I dragged her up in front of everyone and essentially said "no, nuh uh, you don't get to say that shit to the people who have lost sleep and asked for nothing in return trying to help you escape a cult over the last 2 years and then act like we're all buddy buddy to everybody else. You don't get to be that arrogant and self-righteous without any consequences. I don't give a fuck how young you are, you DON'T treat the people who have helped you this much like that, you selfish little shit. How dare you treat us like this after all we've done for you over the years."

Unfortunately, no one involved had surviving screenshots of this, but they can back me up on it if they so choose. And oh boy, DID she face the consequences of her own actions. The whole server basically turned their heads and went "what the FUCK is wrong with you, Syl??" and asked her to at least like, apologize. She proceeded to double down with the added audacity of "you guys taught me how to establish healthy boundaries, that's all I'm doing right now :(( oh woe is me :(((" like WOW, okay. Someone's really going for the persecution complex.

Here's her last goodbye to us all before the mass block fest occured:

Oh, boohoo. You're so hard done by. You spat in the faces of everyone who stayed up all night multiple times helping you through crises and spent the last 2 years teaching you about how the world really worked and then they asked you to apologize after you tried to escape accountability. You truly are god's strongest soldier, the most persecuted minority in the world. Let me play you an ode to how righteous and holy you are and how this was the most important hill to sacrifice all your outsider friendships on on the world's smallest violin.

Syl then went on to post on her roleplay blog that she "was banned because I spoke up for what was right, and they didn't like that" before deleting it. Truly no one has suffered as much as you.

Anyway, the day after that went down, I called in from work, bought this book, and read the whole thing purely out of spite:

It was greatly therapeutic. After that incident, I vowed to never sanitize my own atheistic beliefs for the benefit of others again. If they don't like them, they don't have to talk to me. But I am not changing them for other people or keeping them quiet just to spare your feelings anymore, I have as much a right to my beliefs as anyone else does, including the world's most persecuted minority here.

And well, the silica gel incident?

There was one incident, during the height of Syl's "I am the irl cave johnson and only want to get into STEM to conduct unethical experiments on people. follow jesus" era, the rest of us were joking about how silica gel packets are the ultimate forbidden snack, and said "haha would eating it make you see shrimp colours" knowing full well it can kill you.

Syl proceeded to actually eat a silica gel packet and then send in "it has a sandy texture and tastes bad" prompting the rest of us to go "WE WERE FUCKING JOKING FIND YOUR POISON CONTROL HOTLINE RIGHT NOW"

And because i didnt get this done until now, I'll tag everyone who said they wanted to read this or expressed interest: @captainjonnitkessler @formydarlingtoread @cra-zwizard @chasingnightrainbows

#ramblings #what do i even tag this

[diagonal-queen]

HELLO!! i keep requesting them sotty im obsessed but what about hunting dogs with a s/o who has a child😅😅i got silly again

Hunting Dogs with your child

♡ pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura (platonic), Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How do these goofballs fare as stepdads? (or, in Teruko's case, fun auntie?)

♡ cw: Swearing, unofficial stepfathering, unrealistically good stepfathering, reader's ex situation is not established but it's assumed that their baby momma/daddy is not in the picture (Tachihara), mentions of violence

note: I just haven't written anything in ages, and for that I apologise. Wow, being in university is time consuming! I've had block for months and it's been an absolute pain in the arse but I'm back babey! Keep your requests coming anon- I am the Hunting Dogs whisperer and I will write them till I die. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fukuchi:

My dude is so so so enthusiastic. You mean to tell him that he gets a beautiful loving partner AND a new little guy to hang out with?? Sign him tf up

This man buys your kid so many presents it's genuinely concerning. Your child is spoilt to hell and back by Fukuchi. You need to discourage him from this behaviour STAT

He constantly uses dad words like 'buddy' and 'pal' and 'kiddo' to refer to your kid and they eventually start responding to these nicknames lol

He would totally also do dad stances and just embrace the fatherly aura that is slowly overtaking him day by day (bro starts falling asleep on the couch while the game's on at 9pm)

He's actually surprisingly gentle with your child. If they cry he'll pick them up and comfort them very well. He's like a whole different person when your kid is scared or sad- it's the cutest thing ever

If your child ever gets him a Fathers' Day present he'll probably cry like old man tears of joy. In fact if your child ever does anything nice for him he'll be incredibly touched. Kinda reminds him what he's doing his job for :')

Tells your child great exaggerated (CHILD FRIENDLY) stories about his heroic achievements as a soldier before bed. It's genuinely super cute you guys

If the kid ever runs up to him in excitement when he arrives home in the evening he returns the energy and is like 'omg there they are! that's my kiddo! how have you been??' and picks them up and AUGH they're so cute

Just....🥺🥺

Jouno:

Your child is probably scared of him at first. Within their first meeting he probably makes them cry.

Sorry y'all 😭 but he doesn't exactly come off as much of a teddy bear...and nor does he really act like one with anyone else other than you in private

Jouno just isn't good with kids. Not in the sense that he's scared of them but that he doesn't really know how to interact with them without being intimidating or otherwise just detached

But he really loves you, and he wants to be a good parental figure to your kid, so he tries to warm them up to him by getting them a gift. That probably helps- he might not know much about kids but he's right to assume that they fucking love receiving gifts

Whatever your child's hobbies/interests are, Jouno genuinely does try to connect with them over it, and after a while it does work.

Soon enough your child and Jouno are inseparable and your child is spewing sadistic military rhetoric and oh dear god you've made a terrible mistake introducing the two of them

Yeah, Jouno probably teaches your kid all KINDS of horrible things. He will tell your child stories about times he's tortured suspects, or slaughtered gangs, and just stuff that is not family friendly. You have to nip that behaviour in the bud or else...

He's generally pretty good at taking care of your child, but like, if your kid cried because they were scared there was a monster under the bed, Jouno would probably be like "Yeah. There is. Good luck." and then turn off the lights and leave 💀

Just give him time. He'll learn how to be an emotionally available parent at SOME point

Tecchou:

He's not the step dad. He's the dad that stepped up

Tecchou is definitely very aloof and awkward around your child- like, he knows how to interact with you, but children are different. Children are frightening. And they are his biggest fear maybe

In spite of this, he is fiercely protective of your kid. He will make sure that child is as safe and calm as possible at all times, and he certainly prefers to show that he cares through actions rather than words.

He usually wouldn't initiate physical contact with your child but if they hugged him he would hug back, if they gave him a hi-five he would do it back, etc etc. he will never let your kid down

If your child likes make belief, you can bet you'd walk into a room and find your kid all dressed up, off their rocker in full theatre mode, while Tecchou is sitting on the floor, also dressed up, but looking more depressed than ever before

Save him from your baby. They are taking YEARS off his life

He probably accidentally sends your kid to hospital at some point because he cooked for them. Damnit Tecchou, how don't you realise that a child's stomach wouldn't be able to handle a combination of chocolate and beef

It's okay though, he does learn from this. Plus, he takes care of your child and buys them presents and hangs out with them until they're better <3

He might not join your child in the ball pit, but he would watch them swim around in there with the softest, faintest, most affectionate smile on his face. And that is all that matters folks

Teruko (platonic):

The funnest, meanest, coolest auntie ever

Teruko will lead your child down a dreadful path. Limit their visits to holidays and birthdays for your own sake and the sake of your young one

She's really more than happy to negatively influence look after your child if you need her to though, and they love her because she's super chill and lets them get away with all kinds of things (that aren't violent crimes against humanity)

Your parent says one cookie after dinner? Screw it, have six. I won't tell if you won't. - Teruko, probably

She uses her ability to entertain your kid sometimes- usually she'll decrease her age so she can join them in things like building pillow forts and playing on jungle gyms

I'm just picturing them playing at the park and some concerned parent coming up to them asking where their guardian is and Teruko just fucking transforms into a grown woman on the spot and goes 'WHO'S ASKING' 😭

Teruko is a super cool fun aunt. But she is very wise, and she really will give your kid good life advice on occasion.

She'll also cheer them up when they're feeling down, and if they're feeling scared she helps them step out of their comfort zones and confront their fears (in a safe way!!)

If your kid is like, getting picked on at school or something, Teruko will nag you to phone their school about it. If you don't, she does. If they don't do anything about it, she does. Bottom line is NOBODY fucks with your kid when Teruko is around

I guess technically she really is scary dog privilege lmao

Tachihara:

Help he's so nervous at first? Tachihara this is a child, not a wise sage- you can be normal around them

He just wants to make a good impression on the child okay he's doing his best

But (obviously) your kid immediately loves him, and thinks he's the coolest guy ever, and wants to hang out with him all the time

Tachihara has a bit of a concern that the kid will think that he's trying to replace their other parent, which is fair, but it's unfounded because your child absolutely adores him and does not care about that at all

If your child ever calls him 'Dad' watch his soul fucking transcend to a new plane, he's so surprised and honoured that this beautiful person's child would consider him their parent

Your kid has Tachihara wrapped around their tiny finger. He will oblige them with anything- if you've got a toddler who likes uppies and piggybacks, say your prayers for Tachihara's upper arm and back muscles because he will carry them for hours

You really need him to stop leaving weaponry around the house, though- the absolute HEART ATTACK you had when you saw your precious baby carrying around an unloaded pistol

Also, Tachihara, babe, STOP SWEARING SO MUCH AROUND THE BABY. I CAN'T HAVE MY KID SAYING 'FUCK' TO STRANGERS - you, probably

Doesn't really ever talk about his job(s) with your kid, all they know is that he 'kills bad guys', and they think that's cool as fuck

He's not perfect, sure. But he is trying so hard to be The Perfect Parent™ and, more importantly, he loves your child to bits

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

of course, thank you to anon for this req!

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd fanfic #bsd fanfiction #bsd headcanons #bsd hcs #fanfiction #bsd fluff #headcanons #bungo stray dogs headcanons #bungo stray dogs fanfic #bsd x reader #gn reader #bsd x gn reader #bsd fukuchi #fukuchi ouchi #fukuchi x reader #bsd jouno #jouno saigiku #jouno x reader #bsd tecchou #tecchu suehiro #tecchou x reader #bsd teruko #teruko okura #bsd tachihara #tachihara michizou #tachihara x reader

[gayleviticus]

im certainly not a wonderful saintly christian by any means but idk at the end of the day i read the bible and pray and go to church and talk to people about God because i think knowing God is a worthwhile, meaningful, and rewarding thing.

but some people seem to just not view it that way and i find it very hard to wrap my head around all the underlying assumptions that lead them to beat themselves up for not reading the bible enough or, going cold turkey on movies because they're more entertaining than praying etc. but i guess i think that like, wanting to know God shouldn't be a struggle or constantly beating yourself up or guilting yourself into doing more Religious Things.

ok sure, a certain amount of discipline is kinda necessary for anything you want to do that's worthwhile. a writer needs to push themself to write sometimes. an artist needs to push themself to paint sometimes. even relationships-wise sometimes a parent needs to push themself to wake up early and drive their kid to saturday sport or whatever.

but i feel like your ultimate goal should still be something you genuinely want in a positive, joyful way. if you sometimes need to nudge yourself to read the bible everyday, but it's because you do overall want to deepen your faith, that totally makes sense; it's no different from making yourself run on a day you kinda don't want to because your ultimate goal is a marathon.

but when people view the whole thing as this weird internal struggle where God stuff is threatened by the allures of the world and whatnot it just... seems like an attitude towards faith that has problems at it root.

admittedly i kinda have it easy atm bc i have an autistic special interest in the bible and theology but. idk. it doesnt have to be 'ohno all these other things are dragging my attention away from the bible and prayer and etc' it can be 'ok, what are some ways i can learn more about the bible in an interesting way? what are some different types of prayer i could try?' or even 'am i actually driven by wanting to love God, or do I just feel pressured to be doing this?'

#progressive christianity #christianity #christian #religion

[somerabbitholes]

i'd log in but i fully forgot my username and password since i left for college lol, but the first semester of college ended and i'm finally back home for my break. i'm doing a degree in history in a liberal arts university which has been my absolute dream since i was a child; everyone else in my class was an engineer/doctor aspirant and i was the labelled Humanities Child. so college was supposed to be The Dream for me and, in many ways, i have. HOWEVER, the issue is that i am now surrounded by The Humanities Child(ren) of every school, and now i have no personality? i also feel hopelessly out of place because im surrounded by people who seem to know sooo much more than me (i know this sounds like a very much grass is greener on the other side situation but i assure you i am hopelessly out of my depth here). i'm genuinely having a little bit of a crisis bc i used to be the child that Knew Things and Read, but now, so is everybody im surrounded by. i originally meant to send this ask to ask you for recs/resources on knowing more, but i'm not fully sure as to what exactly i need to know more of, so do you have any tips on how to inculcate a habit of learning more generally (subscribe to newspapers? listen to podcasts? but like, when, where, which ones, how do i find the right ones?). i desperately need to be the smart kid again, i don't know who i am without it lol

hello. i think you should be patient with yourself. college is disorienting because you go from being with people who didn't really choose to be in school and study what school makes them study to people who definitely chose the sciences or humanities or whatever. it's only logical that you feel out of depth, i know i did too. but trust me, however much it feels like people know more already, it's also that college is a leveller: you will be taught things, you will be taught how to think and much of what's coming in terms of academia is a fresh start for everyone.

i don't think the way out is to know everything and to always be up to date on everything under the sun. i also can't recommend what you should be reading or listening to, other than just standard news, which will then lead you to more finer material that's about the things you care about. the easiest way really is to be on the lookout for sources: your professors will tell you, ask your classmates if something they mention sounds interesting, find what you like in the library and so on.

also lastly, i don't think you're supposed to know who you are when you're in college. college exists for you to figure that out. don't worry about not knowing what your thing is (i'm 24 and i don't know what my thing is), but start small with things that are adjacent to either what you're studying or what you've conventionally liked. then you build on that and the next and so on.

hope this helps :)

#anonymous #answered

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

#autism #autistic adult #autistic artist #autistic things #autistic community #autism spectrum disorder #neurodiversity #neurodivergence #neurodiverse #ADHD #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #bipolar disorder #bipolar #OCD #obsessive compulsive disorder #neurodivergent #neurotypical #;w; #im tired #also cant be fucked to fix the order kf these tags #long post #optimism #mental health #mental health support #mental health awareness #help #helping #idk what im doin witj thesentags goodnluck gamers

[the-s1lly-corner]

Creepypasta of you choice x a reader that look like Clyde from Pastra?

(WHY AM I SO ANXIOUS REQUESTING😰)

Laughing Jack, Slenderman, and Eyeless Jack x reader who looks like Clyde (pastra)!

no need to be anxious friend! this is a no judgement zone and theres nothing wrong requesting for a reader with certain physical traits! this does remind me to get back into pastras videos, i remember watching some of them a few months back and really enjoying them! might listen to them while im working on art tonight... looking at refs and glancing at character wikis i didnt know clyde was their own character :0 naturally, as per the request, im going to only focus on looks and stuff !!

SLENDERMAN:

i think between the three he is the least phased by your ghoulish looks. i mean this man has been around for lord knows how long, take into account the admins personal hcs of how slenderman came to exist in universe, hes seen his fair share of monsters and demons. though he is at least a little curious in what you are exactly, and takes to observing you... which leads to you noticing him and coming into contact with him. not much to be said other in the two of you having this mutual understanding that youre both your own beasts in this weird world... honestly a wholesome friendship all things considered, i think, since you guys tend to bond over your funky characteristics. bonus if youre also a hermit who doesnt interact much with humans so when one of you learn something new you guys just. talk about it

LAUGHING JACK:

oh i just know he messes with your horns and tentacles. has probably tried to fix your eyes if theyre also a little off like clydes. literally just him putting his fingers in your face and. trying to shift them around. obviously, it doesnt do anything but it doesnt stop him. but also i just think laughing jack doesnt have a total understanding of personal space, especially in the beginning. what being isolated and shown a bunch of genuinely fucked stuff does to a mf/j... probably twirls some of your tentacles in between his fingers when hes bored and youre nearby... has tried to throw rings and shit on your horns, will cheer if he lands one. you guys have probably accidentally gotten tangled up in one anothers arms at least once, for one reason or another

EYELESS JACK:

oooo okay this one is going to be interesting. because in my au/hc/whatever eyeless jack was originally a normal person who got dragged into this human sacrifice, he gets infected by this demonic curse that was created by zalgo, and is slowly morphing into this monster... would jack be aggressive to you in the beginning? sure he knows its not YOURE fault, but... i dont know how to word it, and i dont think he would be able to know how to word it. his life was snatched away from him due to the demon stuff, and youre a demon and it serves as a reminder, and. its unfair, and he does admit that when you guys actually start to foster a relationship... hmm... definitely a really slow burn, and i doubt you guys would end up in a romantic relationship.... oooooo bonus angst (and mayhaps fluff) what if youre in a similar situation as him and you guys bond over it

hes short as hell so your help with reaching stuff is very much appreciated... though as for your actual looks i dont think there would be much thought thanks to jack himself feeling that he has no place to speak anymore, you know shrugs

#creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #slenderman x reader #slenderman x you #laughing jack x reader #laughing jack x you #eyeless jack x reader #eyeless jack x you

[gemsofgreece]

any pronunciation tips when pronouncing greek names? any common errors i should avoid? trying to impress a very important greek teacher in an interview and hoping to convince them that im competent enough to start studying the language! any other general tips would be super appreciated hahah x

You didn’t tell me what kind of studies it is (classical studies, modern studies, just linguistics, generally Greek culture and history studies) to be more precise but I believe I can give some tips anyway!

Use modern Greek pronunciation for any instance of speaking Greek to them, including addressing them. Even if you go for classical studies, outside the classroom you should use modern pronunciation to earn their attention.

If you are going to speak any basic Greek with them, you should definitely apply plural of politeness. Greet them with a “Ya sas” or a “Hérete” or a “Kaliméra sas” if it’s morning or “Kalispéra sas” if it’s afternoon. Always with plural of politeness. In the language that you are going to do most of the talk, use please and thank you and all forms of polite talk when it’s necessary within the context. These things are valued in Greek academic communication.

Address them with the word κύριος / κυρία + their surname. Kírie + Surname, if it’s a man, Kiría + Surname, if it’s a woman. You don’t have to address them after every answer or anything, just in the beginning and whenever it feels like it makes sense to do it. And plural of politeness. Please note that they may not apply plural of politeness to you, they may not call you mr or mrs and they might call you with your first name. All this is totally normal in Greek dialogue etiquette, you are the student, the younger person, and they can address you informally. THIS DOES NOT MEAN you can drop the plural of politeness. No matter how they talk to you (I mean unless they would insult you or something LOL) you have to use the plural. You can drop it ONLY if they explicitly tell you to do so which I doubt they will but anyway. And even if you drop the plural, you will still address them Kírie / Kiría + Surname unless they also tell you to call them by their first name which I also doubt and then you will STILL have to address them as Kírie / Kiría + First Name. Don’t drop the Kírie / Kiría under any circumstances. Unless they also tell you specifically to do that but the chances are very very slim.

Go in there with a pleasant but serious demeanour, you know, like in a typical interview. Depending on how they are, you can follow along their demeanour but always be one step more reserved. So if they are serious, you stay serious. If they are relaxed and humorous, you can loosen up as well but do remain a little more serious than them.

If they take note of you speaking Greek (regardless of how well or bad you do), you can smile reservedly and be like “Yes I am trying, I am really hoping / looking forward to learn more / improve”. But don’t make light of it, like “hehehe I am speaking Greek… opaaaa!” . Show you are interested in it seriously, academically.

I am pretty sure the professor will value much more your genuine interest to study the Greek language or culture, rather than any technical mistakes you might make. Show a contained mix of fascination and focus to them and you will win them over, I am sure! But don’t go in there like “idk the alphabet looked cool” XD

You can of course add how it might be very aesthetically appealing to you or having some practical significance for you to learn the language. But keep this supplemental and focus on scientific fascination and Greek’s academic / cultural impact.

I think I got the ultimate trick to impress them. Whatever they ask you about why you want to take these studies, push modern Greek culture in your answer or, even better, talk about how it fascinates you to explore the continuation or evolution of Greek culture / language / history through ancient, medieval and modern times. Talk about the special case of Greek being so well attested, giving us a window to explore cultural evolution in big spans of time with more precision. If these are modern Greek studies, definitely do not talk about how you love Greek mythology or ancient philosophy. I mean, it’s not bad to say that, it just won’t make the difference you hope for to the professor. Show that you value all eras of Greek history / linguistics and if it’s modern studies, then do emphasise on the modern era and maybe talk about exploring the impact of Byzantine / medieval in modern history and literature and culture. Maybe talk about how perhaps you were exposed to Modern Greek history and culture and realised how overlooked / under appreciated it is and how, I don’t know, it could prove to be impactful in certain ways. I mean, use the one of these that applies best to you and work around your answer, I am just giving you some ideas! But the point is, don’t focus on classical Greece or Greek mythology. Express an interest for the civilisation / linguistics throughout time, talk about exploring continuation, evolution and impact and I believe you got them :)

To summarise, be serious, focused and pleasant. Show respect and interest in all Greek linguistics / culture / history without discrimination. Talk about continuation. If they ask you if you have some niche interest about it, definitely choose something less known, more overlooked like something from medieval or modern times. Don’t stress over potential mistakes you might make. Use polite language.

And success is imminent 😁

Καλή επιτυχία!

#Greek #Greek language #Greece #Greek studies #linguistics #anon #ask

[nyxvamps]

Child of Chaos - Xand Donovan:

Chaos Itself was curious. All of these primordials and titans and gods and other deities are making offspring, so It decided to do so as well. It had created many things, but had never 'raised' a child the way parents do.

It created Itself a human form. They did so easily. All They had to do was observe some humans for a few minutes and create a body that would pass as attractive and that could hold a child. They’re very androgynous and it seems as though no matter who looks at Them, they see something they like.

The whole process of creating a child in 9 months wasn’t something They were interested in, so They sped up the process to a day.

The child was born and They realized They would need to learn how to raise a demigod (demiprimordial? demientity?). So They observed. They picked and chose from the minds of the humans around Them what seemed to be the best ways to raise a child and did what They could to raise this child into a well rounded human. It worked, to an extent. When you are the literal beginning of existence you tend to have some quirks that can pass down to your offspring.

Overall, The child, that was named Xand Donovan (names that many people seem to think are "cool" and "edgy" which is apparently a good thing among human youth.) was a typical yet very weird ass kid.

Xand looks normal, until you see them from the corner of your eye, then it's like their eye's flashed like a cat's or their outline blurs slightly. It always feels like it's about to storm when you're near them. That feeling of static gathering like lighting is about to strike.

Xand kind of has, maybe, a little bit of a god complex, but not in a "im better than everyone no one can best me" kind of way, but in a "I'm going to live forever so why should I waste my infinite time with being insecure and caring about how others view me. They will die soon and will become a blip in my time in existence" kind of way. If that makes sense.

Xand loves humans. They have genuine relationships with them and they creates friendships and longs for people in their personal life and feels and wants and needs just like humans do. But Xand also knows that they are different and that they are an infinitely powerful being that is only nerfed by the fact that their parent is stopping them from ascending into primordial...hood? Why, because they are too young.

"Parent? I am 247 years old. That is like, 23 in human years. When will you let me join you as a diety?"

"Like I have said before my child, when you are older and have matured. Now. Explain again what these two women are trying to portray by running over and over again to their original song. It's very catchy."

The two of them, though they look human enough, feel very not of this world. If you were to meet one of the olympians, you feel that as well, but with Chanon and Xand Donovan, it's like being in a room with an eldritch horror, but not realizing how horrificly in danger you actually are.

They are uncanny valley without being uncanny. Something sets you off but you convince yourself that you're imagining it while your hair stands on end and you start to sweat.

Now: Power time.

We know that Chaos is literally the beginning of everything, therefore, can potentially have whatever power it wanted. It's child is not that powerful but is very much op. Of course.

While Xand is not able to ascend yet, their powers are more imaginable. Powers that make sense and you are able to wrap your brain around unlike being the beginning of all existance.

Xand is able to change their appearnce in anyway possible. Think, Nimona. Nimona can change into a shark, an exact replica of Bal with his voice too, a bird, a random little boy, (cough *ashes* cough).

They are able to create anything out of practically nothing. If they have a handful of dirt, they can make a new phone. A pile of trash? A beautiful house. Water partials in the air? A nice glass of juice. If there is matter, it can be manipulated. If Chaos let Xand ascend, they would be able to make anything out of nothing, just like their parent.

Xand can also "be" multiple places at once. Now, right now they only have one physical body, but they are able to split their consciousness up into multiple pieces that can functionally be in different places at the same time. Kinda like multiple ghost versions of them that are all their own sentient beings while separate.

We're gonna go a little cliché here and bring in telekinesis. When your parent in the beginning of creation, you're gonna be able to manipulate matter. and that means being able to throw it around and move it at will.

im gonna have so much fun with this character.

#pjo #pjo headcanons #pjo headcanon #godly parents #pjo au #child of chaos #chaos cabin #pjo oc #pjo chaos

[splatoon-edits]

I'm of the assumption that you're a Shiver fan do you wanna explain some HCs or reasons you like her?👂👂 I'm interested (I like her too 😋)

oh boy. do you even know what you've done? I am going to talk about this blue creature SO MUCH!!!!! (no but fr thank you for enabling me to talk about one of my fav characters!!!)

I'm just gonna be rambling with no general direction, so i apologize if this gets a smidge confusing..... Everything else will be under a read more since i don't want this post to make it hard to scroll through my blog if it gets too long.

so.. Splat 3 was my first game in the series. I knew about the other splatoon games obviously, and i was eagerly awaiting splatoon 3 since by the time i got a switch it would have been a waste to buy splat 2. So i went into splatoon 3 with very minimal knowledge of the characters/setting.

But when i saw Shiver in the Deep Cut announcement trailer??? It was love at first sight. Blue is my favorite color and the swag Shiver has is off the charts. Plus the hype around a potentially nonbinary character?? And imma be honest, i'm a sucker for smug characters. Especially the ones who are secretly failures. It's just one of my fav tropes.

So in short: Shiver was a character who had a lot of appeal for me in the beginning. But slowly over time as i came to learn more about her and the rest of Deep Cut, i came to appreciate them even more in new ways. Shiver is smug, sarcastic, and can come off as mean or over the top. But she is also silly, quirky, and has a lot of love in her heart for others. She cares about Frye, Bug Man, and all of Splatsville. She says silly things that don't make sense. She likes puns. She takes the time to listen to Sheldon's rambles. She is so much more than what you see on the surface. And it can be so easy to see her teasing her bandmates and assume she is mean or cold hearted. But she genuinely is such a fun character!!!!

Her grace, her gnc swag, her cringefail aura, everything about her makes her an amazing character.

And now, for some headcanons in no particular order:

I kinda see Shivers gender as "whatever is funniest/best in the moment. Commit to the bit of genders. But if i had to pick one thing to headcanon them as it would be pangender or maybe genderfluid. Uses all pronouns plus some shark themed neos like bite/biteself and fin/finself and anything else like that. Im gonna be mostly sticking to she/her and they/them for this post just cuz i think that's what people will be most used to. But really any gender hc for Shiver is correct in my head. MTF? Correct. Nonbinary? Correct. FTM? Correct. Genderfluid? Correct/ Bigender? Correct. Anything and anything goes an i love seeing everyone's takes on it!

I'm gonna go ahead and say trans woman Shiver has a special place in my heart. I just feel like i never see anyone hc this but i also feel like it works?? Idk... The same can be said for genderfluid Shiver. I myself am genderfluid so i rlly like that hc!

Mayhaps has a touch of the tism. (me too) I just feel like she doesn't read social cues well. Can mask really well but doesn't do it around Frye and Big Man for the most part. I think all of Deep Cut is autistic tbh. With Frye having ADHD as well. (ME TOO)

I'm caught between the headcanons of "secretly rlly strong cuz of archery" and "lowkey weak cuz it would be funny to contrast w Frye being strong". But i lean more on the side of both of them being strong. Just Frye having more obvious muscles. But if you look at Shiver she def if strong. And graceful. Like a predator built for ambush or stalking. She moves with purpose. Ya know what i mean? Like she seems very graceful and delicate at first but that is NOT the case.

I gotta be careful or this will turn into general Deep Cut hcs cuz i wanna talk about Big Man and Frye as well lol

Loses her temper easily. Can be petty when things don't go her way.

Master Mega is very special to them. She spent a lot of time with him when she was younger and her parents were busy.

Shiver whistles a lot as a stim/just for fun.

Big Man and Frye are the best hype men ever for Shiver. There are certain points in the game where she says absolute nonsense but those two are right there to back her up. They also don't understand what he's saying, but they are gonna act as if it's the smartest thing ever. Shiver thinks she is the coolest thing ever and those two only enable her. (dw. every once in a while they knock her down a peg by returning her teasing)

Shiver is the type of person to spend 30 minutes making her food look pretty before she serves it. It has to look good or else.

Is a decent cook. Frye likes to steal bits of food from whatever she is working on so Shiver will playfully smack her with her fan and shoo her out of the kitchen.

Is very proud of her singing. She worked very hard to get it as perfect as it is.

Probably used to have a violent streak in middle school, would bite people. Has since learned to control her anger better.

Very confident. Isn't afraid of things like public speaking.

Gets annoyed easily when overstimulated. Sometimes snaps at people when the environment is too noisy/bright or if she is tired. Tries to apologizes afterwards.

Speaking of apologies, she is the type of person to do something nice for you or get you food/a present for you rather tha admit she is wrong. Is embarrassed easily and instead prefers wordless apologies.

Is flustered easily. One of the ways to easily make her lose her cool is to do anything remotely flirty or to bring up something embarrassing she did in the past.

I could probably ramble more but it's LATE and i should head to bed. Thank you so much for the ask!!!! I had a fun time talking about my favorite blue goofball. <3

#mod shiver #mod speaks

[vergess]

you seem like a good person with genuinely nice intentions- i also find it really awful when people go "dont bully people because they COULD be autistic" instead of just saying "don't bully people." the idea that someone hates me, or thinks im cringe, but chooses not to be rude to me because i seem autistic to them is way more hurtful than them just bullying me... (obviously the ideal is for them to never bully anyone) and the argument that we shouldn't bully individuals with "childlike/cringe" interests because they might be autistic is really infantalizing, because it assumes that autism and having "childlike/cringe" interests are interlinked when i don't really think that's the case. (using childlike/cringe in quotes because i don't really believe any interests are childlike or cringe, just those are common descriptors used by people). again, you seem like you have really nice intentions, and i'm pretty sure we all agree, bullying is bad, it should never happen, but the idea of not bullying someone because they could be autistic is just harmful to the autistic community + doesn't stop bullying. have a wonderful night, im sorry for sending you an ask <3 im sure you'll get some hate so i wish you the best

Look, you also seem nice. You're the last ask that slid in under the wire before I turned them off completely due to the mass harassment.

That means you sent this before all the submissions and DMs once I turned asks off, where people started getting really fucking nasty. I am trying very hard not to hold those people against you, but it has been a long fucking day.

So, I'm trying my best here to be patient and kind when I write this essay, instead of just blocking or reporting you. You seem like you might be willing to listen. Even if you're not, your message makes a good starting point for me.

Because I have two major problems here.

1: Autism absolutely correlates with preferring media aimed at younger audiences.

This is not universal, and it's not because we're ~stupid~. It's nothing to do with """"mental age"""" or whatever trashfire talking points you've heard. You may recognize the more clinical terminology from diagnostics, even. It's a major identifiable symptom called "age-inappropriate interests and behaviours." (I personally prefer age-atypical; the current technical language is still, unfortunately, age-inappropriate.)

These age-atypical interests are caused by combinations of disability related factors including but not limited to:

Children's media has cleaner sound balancing with stronger dialogue tracks that make following the language easier. There also tend to be clearer pauses and tonal cues.

Children's media is often safely predictable in its outcome. Someone may die, but probably not the main hero, for example. This predictability is desirable for many autistic people in a hobby, as it limits distressors.

Language used tends to be plainer, with less reliance on quick flying quips that are hard to hear/read fast enough, or clever implications in screenplay. Many other autistic people love complex "adult" film specifically because they are fluent in screenwriting and enjoy exercising that fluency. Many more autistic people never learned screenplay fluently. Pretending that all autistic people have the same level of fluency in screenplay is not conducive to having a genuine conversation on this subject. All of this information and more is available to you it you associate yourself with non-verbal, less verbal, and intellectually disabled autistic people right here on tumblr.

Children's media is often translated into more languages than adult media, especially with dubbing. Being able to hear and read the dialogue simultaneously is a super basic access issue that autistic people are stuck fighting all the damned time, and kid's shows are some of the very few types of mass accessible pop art that actively enable that.

Speaking of mass access: children's media is often very easy to access, with a tendency towards being hosted on multiple stream sites, broadcasting in syndication, etc. This means more autistic people have access to it, and thus by simple numbers, more of them will enjoy it than niche artforms we are rarely allowed to interact with freely.

Media consumption more broadly is a desirable hobby for many autistic people because it can be done alone or with friends, as one's energy levels allow, and both forms can be similarly gratifying. This is a level of control over socialization that is very rare for most autistic people.

You'll also find trends of autistic people gathering around other subjects that have these qualities, not just children's media. Just off the top of my head, both kink and train collecting meet these standards, particularly as regards control, stressors, and access; both are also famous for being disproportionately autistic.

Indeed, this tendency to gather around accessible, controllable hobbies that can be engaged with alone or in small groups creates the very notion of "cringe."

People don't think watching kid's shows is bad in a vacuum: they think that autistic people are shameful, and thus anything we congregate around is shameful too. Including watching kid's shows.

Pretending that autistic people don't have an above average level of interest in media made for kids is nonsense. It's nonsense. It actively worsens everyone's perception of both the diversity of autistic experiences. You can claim that anti-bullying campaigns are bad for autistic people all you like, but no amount of research has ever or will ever back up that claim.

Either you are lying, or you have been lied to.

Autistic people are so well known for this that it's literally how we are identified socially AND diagnosed medically.

That's the reality.

No matter how much you hate it: other autistic people are still going to be drawn to hobbies you don't share, and they are still going to be abused for it. Including so-called """baby movies."""

Enjoying media you don't is not grounds to say that actually the abuse other people face is made up and doesn't need to be addressed.

Liking kid's shows is morally neutral.

You must acknowledge it as a morally neutral statement of fact, not an accusation of personal failing. Liking kid's shows is no better, no worse, no different from liking mid-16th century tapestry, or artsy experimental music from cities I've never heard of in countries I've never visited.

If you cannot even admit that all non-violent hobbies are equally legitimate, then we have no common ground upon which to continue a discussion.

As long as you operate under the presumption that any autistic who is less complex in their interests than you is not worth acknowledging, then you are not worth this discussion. You can try again when you've learned not to be pro-bullying.

Which brings me to

2: You are still, right now, loudly and proudly insisting that being anti-bullying is Bad Actually.

Once you've accepted the fundamentally morally neutral nature of being into something kinda "cringe," ask yourself why your reaction to anti-bullying campaigns rooted in that neutrality is to separate yourself from the other autistic people demanding to be treated with the basest level of human respect.

To then pass on blatant lies about those people (whether knowingly or by mistake), and claim that they are hurting themselves. To demand that those people "stop hurting themselves" by obeying your rules. Rules that, whether you wish to admit it or not, were very obviously made out of ignorance and will very obviously cause great harm.

Those lies are now fueling hatred of a damn anti bullying campaign. The single most milquetoast conceivable.

Furthermore, this is an anti bullying campaign modeled off some of the most successful abuse interventions for autistic people that have been studied to date. It is a campaign started by other autistic people to protect ourselves from the heaps of ableist abuse we receive daily.

And you loathe it enough to join this cavalcade.

But see: the anti bullying campaigns work. They save lives. They improve quality of life in every measurable field. And they have done for literally decades. This is a closed matter. A proven fact.

Whereas spreading misinformation about the diversity of autistic experiences actively worsens that quality of life. Another proven fact, actually.

Your choice is between a proven benefit to autistic people started by and for us. Or a proven detriment that causes huge amount of death in our community.

And right now, with all your genteel kindness, silk gloves and sweet honey? You've chosen "do the thing that makes autistic people suicidal". Worse, you've convinced yourself that this is a good thing. That increased suicidality and abuse benefits all autistic people because the method thereof happens to benefit you.

I don't know how you think it benefits you. Maybe it makes you feel safer in allistic society. Maybe it just boosts your ego with a rush of vicious justice serving glee. Probably it's something else entirely.

Whatever the reason, you've nevertheless chosen the second most common cause of death among autistic people ages 10-35 as the thing you want to support.

See, telling people not to be abusive shitheads because like 70% of their abuse is rooted in an unexamined hatred of disabled people is not """"shoving politics where it doesn't belong"""" or whatever else. It's identifying and acknowledging the root issue, and attempting to actively address it.

So, with all that out of the way:

WHY did you think sending me this misinformation would make me more sympathetic to the literally dozens of people who have done nothing but harass me for 13 fucking hours now?

#ActuallyAutistic #Autism and bullying #Autistic abuse #I'm not editing this anymore you get to live with the typoes

[donnerpartyofone]

ok not to make big assumptions about you because we are strangers but i genuinely think your brain works a lot like mine, but i am the exact opposite of you i did terribly at school because i hated authority and mindless memorizing - hear me out - and got by on my intuitive understanding of stuff. But in the same way that you do i cannot understand anything that someone else tries to explain to me for the love of god i am the most unteachable person on earth. People have tried SO HARD teachers and tutors and everything but if i do not understand something myself there is not one person one earth smart enough to get me to do that. Im also really academically successful & ive gotten prizes for my creative essays, but i think the difference is that i hated *hated* authority so bad that the anger drove me to reject "mindless memorizing" as something even worth doing at all ever & only ever followed my curiosity & interests in things (the sense of excitement you described). It takes time but ultimately the degree of understanding obtained is much deeper & more satisfying than the kind generally demonstrated by people who understand what is explained to them in school settings. Im assuming a lot here & keep in mind that im just some rando but i would like to suggest that you try just following your inner curiosity & stop deffering to other people when it comes to how to understand something. Do not look for teachers, just information that you find exciting, & see the people who "get it" not as teachers who are superior to you but as your equals who just happen to have been doing it for longer. People you can talk to & who just have information you can glean. Most of all abandon conscious efforts to do school stuff. Resist impulses to be a good student & learn facts by heart or whatever. You'll remember things if they're important. Do what feels good and excites that inner curiosity you feel and don't think about grades or results or people's opinions but just the joy of understanding for your own pleasure. You can and will understand math and quantum physics if it feels good to do so, I promise you.

i really appreciate you and i have so many different reactions to this, i want to try them out. one thing that i believe really deeply is that teachers and similar authorities are very reliant on the idea that there is a correlation between following the rules, and maturity and intelligence, when the very opposite is obviously true. the reality is that kids who try things out for themselves, who determine for themselves through experience whether a rule is fair or rational or productive, and who are not afraid to be judged by others in the course of their experimentation--those kids are certainly demonstrating a lot of maturity and intelligence. i mean yes of course there are kids who don't do the work or follow the rules for less admirable reasons, but the idea that obedience and conformity are symptoms of a well-developed mind is just an oppressive myth that is especially convenient for people who work with children. and like of course i judge myself for not having those rebellious qualities like ever, but it's complicated, i was suicidally depressed as a small child and very afraid of being in trouble or disappointing people, and i honestly think that one of the reasons i got so good at memorizing things and generally operating by rote is that it turned out to be an excellent survival mechanism for navigating the world of adults.

i also believe in the direct correlation between pleasure and aptitude. i mean i'm sure there are exceptions, like you might get really great at a job you hate if your very survival depends on keeping the job or performing it safely, but in general i think you get good at what you enjoy, and that cultivating whatever forms of joy you experience can ultimately enhance your powers. but i don't believe that it necessarily WILL. i certainly know people who are bad at and/or not smart about things they love, they just don't let their shortcomings stop them from doing whatever the thing is (and therefore they lead richer lives even if they're not accomplishing anything in the traditional sense). i think i'm more in that category. all the stories i told happened to be about school probably because i'm hung up on JUDGMENT or not being competitively good at anything, but the unspoken reality is that i'm a pretty self-directed person. i tend to approach things that i care about hobbyistically, in order to pursue whatever thrill got me interested in the first place, and SOMEtimes this leads to some cool outcomes, though not always. there's a lot of different kinds of things that i love, conceptually, and i go through all the steps of learning about them, practicing them, researching them, getting advice from other people, or even having somebody else do the thing with me when all else fails, but i just cannot seem to develop any competence these things. i think i've had all the opportunity in the world to grow in different areas, but i'm just a very limited, low potential person.

anyway i hope this doesn't come off like i'm trying to convince You Personally of something, you've already been completely fair about how you're just speculating and speaking from what rationally seems like similar experiences. i do appreciate what you're trying to say here and i know that there is truth to it in general. i'm just now using this message as a prompt to work out some of the other things i think about this general topic. the one thing i guess i have going for me, although it's a double-edged sword, is that i don't quit at things. part of this is for a not-good reason, i came up in this environment where the law was that if you are perceived as "negative" or defeatist or something, then you're basically a bad person and you're not worth dealing with and any misfortune that happens to you is your own fault. and then it's like, if you fail or just don't excel at something, then THAT is a symptom of the aforementioned Bad Person problems. like in that world, if you don't succeed, it necessarily means that you didn't even try, which is a fake idea and the subject of one of my favorite social media posts of all time. but anyway, even with this bad motivation for soldiering on, i do sometimes enjoy the benefits of persistence, one of which is just the sustaining belief that maybe something good will happen later on. even though i think i've had enough negative experiences trying to do something with myself that it would be rational of me to just stop trying, the stubborn inner belief that "anything is possible" keeps me getting out of bed every morning. even if i'm not getting anywhere, at least that makes me a less burdensome person.

[fluffybutt-7]

Hey fluff do you have advice on dating when having a um preferance like this? Im really bad at getting to know new people and im horrid at small talk unless it is something I am interested in. I tried grommr but had the experience of people wanting hook ups and or i would just get cold feet. Im almost 30 now and I realize how short life is and how much i want to at least try out being a feeder/mutal gainer with somebody, but its hard to get somewhere due to being in a bad location and not feeling really connected/ having friends in the gainer/encourgement space. It being kind of "taboo" to most people also kind of stresses me out. How did you get over your fear of being a gainer etc?

Hey there!

Sooo I’ve been trying to think of how to answer this. I think I’ll do it in two parts, one about dating and one in general.

When it comes to dating, I feel that it’s best to just be upfront about it IF it is something you feel safe doing. Wild things can happen, you never really know who you’re talking to when just meeting someone. So there’s a lot of nuance to the “just be upfront about it.” I often wait until I feel there could be a genuine chance with the person to bring it up (assuming they’re not part of the community), and even then I try to be careful with it. People can have all kinds of assumptions about this kink, so I always try to approach it while making the other person feel like they can ask questions about it and genuinely have a conversation about it. Sometimes I’ll kinda tease the idea before that point, it just depends on the vibe I’m getting from the person. But a well placed and ethical feedist comment can sometimes give insight into how the person would feel or possibly already feels about the kink. And honestly? More people are into it or at least open to it than I would expect. Be safe, and be clear in your communication when you feel that it is time to tell them. That’s how I approach it at least, I am certainly not the end-all-be-all and if anyone has something they would like to add, leave a comment so we can all learn how to navigate dating with this fetish/kink better. 🥰

Now - how did I get over my fear of being a gainer? That’s a pretty solid question. The answer I have may not be wholly relatable, but it’s the one that I think will convey my feelings best. I think it’s similar to when I came out as gay. I grew up in a verrry small, verrry conservative Midwest town, and I was the only out gay kid in my high school when I came out. It was fucking terrifying, but for once……. I was me. And holy FUCK I was happy. I felt untouchable, because at last there were no more secrets, no reason to hide. It didn’t matter if someone said shit, because I knew who the fuck I was and I knew I fought for my own happiness. I also knew that the people who really loved and cared for me would have my back, and they did. Well, most of them. But I guess those were the ones who didn’t really care, weren’t they? At the end of the day, we deserve to fight for our own happiness, whatever it is (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else or yourself, etc. I don’t wanna miss the nuance to that statement), and the people in our life who are really our people, the ones who will love us and accept us and celebrate us, will support us (see above parentheses) and have our back.

I also very much understand the struggle of being in a bad location and not feeling connected - I think maybe that’s one of the reasons I made this blog, so that those of us who feel isolated in this community can start to feel like… a community. You can certainly count me as a friend. ☺️ I hope somehow this helped, and I apologize for rambling a bit lmao. Feel free to message anytime! I may not respond right away but I always try to respond to my messages here. Hope you have a good night. :)

#fluffybutt-7 #fluffstuff #askthefluff #gay gainer #male weight gain

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

#answers

[lostin-thewild]

the bitch is back. hi! ! i’m gonna start by saying this is a terrible fking idea bc i’m the worst and i ghost a lot but… i love to write so here i am posting this again. i need people who are willing to jump IMMEDIATELY into writing. too often i spend a ton of time plotting or talking about characters… we can do that WHILE we write lol

i’d love to find a few chill rp partners! i’ll start with the other important things 1) i rp on discord only. 2) i can be a little flakey. i’m sorry. i cannot and will not reply every day. so if you’re looking for someone who will consistently reply to threads 10 times a day, that’s not me. HOWEVER i love, love to talk headcanons and about our ships on the daily in between replies! (you want someone who will make you a tumblr tag and a pinterest board? that’s me lol) i’ve also been loving discord for fast / fun text threads so if we do that in addition to threads, you’re likely to get a response from me every day. 3) if you’re looking for someone who will write 4 paragraphs per reply, that’s not me. i sometimes write long starters or sometimes i get in my feelings and write a lot, but a typical reply from me is 1 paragraph! 4) if we’ve tried writing / plotting together before and it didn’t work out PLEASE feel free to reach out! i’m just very shy and i think people hate me for ghosting so i feel awkward reaching out to them. I’M USING A DIF DISCORD NOW THO SO PLS MESSAGE ME ON TUMBLR.

i’m 30 and prefer partners close to my age. but at the min, 21+ muns only! i’m looking for some chill stuff, where we can try a plot/thread or two together and see if we vibe. if we do, i will want 30 ships with you. if we don’t, no hard feelings. we just might not be the writing partner for each other and we can part ways! you can always tell me if you’re not feeling something, and i ask that you be receptive if i do the same.

below the cut i’ll put some more info about me / what i’m looking for. plots, faces, ships i’m into, etc. it’s VERY long and has more info than anyone needs bc i add to it all the time. you DO NOT have to read it all! (kudos if you do lol) it’s just in case you want to learn more about me! like this if you’re interested and i’ll reach out via IM!!! or if you see anything below that catches your eye, feel free to just IM me as well! (you will get a response faster from me if you IM me instead of liking the post just fyi)

i love being friends with my rp partners, so please know that i WILL message you periodically to check in with you (not on your level of interest in the plot, you as a person lol), send you gifs, posts, playlists, whatever, talk about our plots, etc. i’ll make pinterest boards, instagam templates. all that. please know it is NOT me attempting to rush you into replying! i’m so patient and don’t care how long you take. i genuinely just want to be your friend lol. so if you will be annoyed by me messaging you, i’m probably not for you. and if you give me no enthusiasm in response, i’m less likely to want to write with you. it is what it is.

i’ve been more into creating a new muse with every plot lately. but i’m happy to play against any of your muses if you like to write with pre-established muses! i also LOVE mumus/having multiple plots in the same universe. i love real life plots, i love creating fantasy universes, i love scifi, horror, angst, fluff… literally anything. i’m open to nsfw and dark themes (no rape, incest, abuse, or grooming) as well as long as we talk about everything beforehand. i’m down for smut as long as it’s part of a plot, but if it’s not your thing, i’m fine not including it!

i’ll write m/m and m/f. i’m open to f/f, but i go for m/m and m/f more. always here for platonic things also!!! i do have a preference for playing men bc  like getting in touch with my masc side. i don’t care if you only want to play women just let me know up front. i’ll play muses 18 to 118. (ok mb not that old but i have had muses in their 60s before.)

here are some faces i love as well as ships and plots i’d love to do! i’m 100% not limited to these things!!! but if you’re curious as to what i like or if you want a jumping off point to start plotting, it might be helpful for you!!

M O S T   W A N T E D aka i will do anything in return if you give me any of these!! - i’d literally give my first born for this. i’ve tried it so many times but i suck and it keeps falling through! - i wanna use my oliver jackson-cohen muse in something like dark and angsty and smutty and like mafia-ish. idk if this sounds remotely interesting i can give you the pinterest and tag and stuff i have for him/the plot!! - also this, this, this, and this okay thanks bye. - rudy pankow x madelyn cline in a bffs to lovers just wait i can explain this!! - i also wanna use manny montana. maybe an age gap? maybe dark, maybe angsty, maybe smutty idk like the usual YOU KNOW  - i need a m/m hockey rivals plot i have ideas too!! - will give my second born for anyone who lets me play as or against milly alcock, emily carey, and/or olivia cooke in something fantasy/historical bc... obsessed with them in HOTD O T  H E R   P L O T S - books i’d love to do plots based on: red, white & royal blue!!!!, the selection plssssss, anything based on the grishaverse (especially SoC or wesper or helnik omg), the house in the cerulean sea, falling kingdoms, shadowhunter universe (OCs mostly, but i would also play matthew fairchild or an older kit rook!), captive prince, all for the game, the raven cycle, the winner’s trilogy, the lunar chronicles, IT (18+ eddie x richie bc i’m trash?), the crown’s game, the night circus, an ember in the ashes, the kiss of deception, the song of achilles, throne of glass, the cruel prince... proably more lol. tbh you don’t even have to have read any of them i can just scream the plot at you lol - i would KILLLLLL for a plot based on young royals on netflix! - absolutely a n y t h i n g enemies to lovers. especially if it’s like slowburn enemies to friends to lovers. pls. - bodyguard plots!! bodyguard x royal, bodyguard x politician’s kid, bodyguard x actor. anything. - any kind of age gap plot with an older woman x younger man pls  - SPORTSSSS. i’m absolute trash for hockey and baseball. (but will do any sports honestly.) olympic stuff!! gimme figure skater/hockey player. give me teammates secretly crushing on each other/hooking up after the game but no homo/etc. give me rivals. two people competing for a captain spot. etc. - rom com plots!!! (sweet home alabama, the proposal, just go with it, set it up, while you were sleeping, the girl next door, trainwreck, clueless, bridget jones’s diary, chasing liberty, LITERALLY ANY) - fake dating!!!! (or fake married or anything like that!!) any kind. in any plot. in any scenario. can’t promise not to cry if we also include the only one bed trope bc i don’t care how often i see it, i consider it literary genius every damn time i encounter it. - i live for friends to lovers. especially if they’re both really dumb and if it’s gay. - college! sororities! frats! sports! - i love any sort of crime plot. mob. mafia. anything like that. - royalty anything. real life or fantasy. - historical plots!! literally from any era. i just love history ok. - stuff with older muses! a couple of divorcees. single parents, second chance romance.. idk anything lol - anything in my PLOTS tag

i generally prefer to pick a plot THEN a face, but just to get an idea of the kinds of faces i usually go for, they’re down below! honestly i’ll probs suggest a lot of faces not on this list

F A C E S aaron paul, alex fitzalan, anthony mackie, aron piper, axel auriant, bill skarsgard, charlie gillespie, cody christian, dacre montgomery, dev patel, diego luna, dylan sprayberry, felix mallard, freddy carter, hero fiennes-tiffin, ian bohen, isaiah mustafa, joel kinnaman, jonathan daviss, logan shroyer, lorenzo zurzolo, lucien laviscount, manny montana, matthew daddario, maxence danet-fauvel, octavio pisano, oliver jackson-cohen, oliver stark, oscar isaac, nick robinson, rafael silva, rege-jean page, ronen rubinstein, rudy pankow, ryan guzman, suraj sharma, taron egerton, taylor zakhar perez, thomas doherty, timothee chalamet, tom holland, zethphan smith gneist.

adeline rudolph, aisha dee, amber stevens west, anya taylor-joy, aslihan malbora, benedetta porcaroli, brianne howey, bruna marquezine, chloe bailey, cindy kimberly, constance wu, dove cameron, dua lipa, eiza gonzalez, ester expósito, geraldine viswanathan, january jones, josefine frida pettersen, khadijha red thunder, katheryn winnick, kristine froseth, lovie simone, madelyn cline, maia mitchell, marilyn lima, meg donnelly, milly alcock, natacha karam, natalia dyer, paulina singer, precious mustapha, rachel hilson, romi van renterghem, ryan destiny, samantha logan, sofia bryant, sydney sweeney, tessa thompson, veerle dejaeger, yael shelbia, yara shahidi, zion moreon.

you can also look through my FACES tag for more ideas! but honestly, i’m open to a lot!!

S H I P S aron piper x omar ayuso aron piper x manu rios axel auriant x maxence danet-fauvel brandon flynn x richard madden bridgette lundy-paine x fivel stewart cody christian x dylan sprayberry evan mock x thomas doherty (x emily alyn lind) jonathan daviss x rudy pankow madelyn cline x rudy pankow oliver stark x ryan guzman rafael silva x ronen rubenstein savannah lee smith x zion moreno

#discord 1x1 #1x1 rp #1x1 roleplay #1x1 discord

[starredforlife]

Jeez, do really so many people say they find you intimidating? Granted, I don't know you irl, and even here through Tumblr I'm just one person who follows you and that's it, but still, to me you always seemed nice? Enthusiastic. Goofy, even. I like your style, it IS masc and #cool, but like... I don't feel like that makes you intimidating. "Nomás sos canchera", to put it in Argentine terms.

Btw I'm just sending this due to your tags on that poll 'cause Ik you have mentioned that before andbI felt like the outsider who doesn't find you mean and intimidating, don't pay that much attention to me 😅

Idk it’s like conversations I’ve had with a couple people recently and it absolutely isn’t all based on appearance BUT that’s part of it that’s been told to me. Not suggested but cited. So!!

However I would say it’s more personality. Ofc on here I’m more fun n goofy bc it’s Star’s Mind Palace. I repost pictures and draw werewolf art and I’m vain and silly in the tags. It’s relatively earnest. When I meet people I’m not like, guarded in a mean dog way, but I put up a front. Most of how I talk comes out as a mask of metered and Sharp jackassery, with a confusing blend of genuine interest in people. I’ll talk to you like I need you to prove yourself to me. But also I want to make sure you feel included. This, I’m learning, terrifies people. Mostly I learned this when I was young bc I had to prove my intelligence constantly, so I emulated that intense scrutiny in conversation, I think, and I work in a v male dominated industry that absolutely hates the gentle approach to conversation (for the record, I do not hate it and respect it immensely. It’s also just not how I naturally work unless I’m in a more vulnerable setting).

It can be summed up by the fact that I shake girl’s hands when I meet them in gay bars. Apparently. That is not. The expected thing to do.

Idk I had a whole paragraph after this but it disappeared. I was saying smthn abt how I was. Working on it. Essentially. I Don’t Care how people perceive me bc I trust my perception first. I’ve always designated it as the other person’s problem if they dislike me. I’m learning how people perceive you matters for specific things. Especially friendships. This is very hard for me to grapple with bc I don’t like when others tell me what to do or how to be, At All.

It’s all in moderation ykwim. I’m not going to give up my confidence or my standards but I will work on trying to not make people feel like they’re cornered into a social pass or fail exam when they first meet me. I am intense and I can’t stand bullshit and sometimes I’m genuinely belittling or judgmental if I’ve decided I don’t like you off the bat (if you have failed the Vic Standards, which are always under deconstruction) and the latter is, in some parts, fun if the other person is a proven asshole. But it’s not really healthy. And I can’t start conversations with earnest intentions that way. So I have to grow. I have to let it matter a little bit.

Sorry, you got like. A Vic psychology breakdown. I’m also intimidating bc I’m great at lying, I speak very professionally, and I respect myself enough to make others feel like they have to do the same. I’m not scared easily and I like making arrogant men feel one step behind me. I maxed out on whatever deck makes you both charismatic and completely unapproachable. You’ll probably never meet me irl but I do think it’s v interesting how im perceived on here and so I appreciate the insight and the question!!

#star’s asks #uhhhh yeah I am not who I am on here irl and people who know me from irl can probably attest #I’m not vastly different. despite this wall of text response I am friendly and sometimes funny and often wholly genuine #it just so happens that I’m also Like This. #I’m just sharp around the edges. I think that’s it. #o thank u for the compliment also!!

[creacherkeeper]

hi there, sorry if this is weird to ask? and do not feel obligated to answer this or anything, feel free to delete/ignore or anything. just, i really really love the concept for your haunting rpg? and i've been keeping an eye on the kickstarter, but i don't have the means to contribute rn. with the end coming so soon, i was wondering if there are other ways to support? or maybe what happens if and it doesn't make the goal? sorry if that's weird. i wish you so much luck with the last few days <3

no worries at all anon, i really appreciate this question actually <3

the best thing you can do for the kickstarter is spread the word in whatever ways youre comfortable. i know the subject of the game is pretty sensitive so that can be hard sometimes, but if you can reblog or make a post on tumblr, post on other social medias (like ttrpg subreddits etc), or even just word of mouth tell people you know about it. i genuinely started this with. no mailing list, which is a big no no. just kind of to see how much traction i could get for a project like this. and looking back there's definitely things i would do differently, but the first try is always for practice!

if we don't meet the funding goal, the game will still be published. i will take extra time to study and source all the material that's in the game right now. i wanted another professional set of eyes on it, but i am a social worker myself as well, with a good amount of experience working in trauma care, as well as personal experience with trauma recovery and post traumatic growth, so i feel very confident that even just me working on it myself it is still a game that can help people. i will publish it under the disclaimer that i was the sole member of this team working on it and am only working with my own knowledge and learning. but its a game i really believe in and i want it to get into the hands of the people who need it

i will publish it for sale but i am going to keep community copies (free copies on itch) stocked as much as possible because i think mental health resources need to be more accessible. part of the funding on the kickstarter was paying myself for the dozens of hours i've sunk into this already, but once the game is published this really isnt one that im like. trying to use for profit. this is something i believe in and i want to get into the hands of the people who need it

i hope that answers your questions, but if not feel free to send in another ask or message me privately. im completely open to answering whatever i can about this project or this topic. i really appreciate your interest and i hope you have a lovely day <3