#we are definitely mentally ill and that is okay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

linagram · 3 months

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[ 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚜: 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟷 ]

(i hope the image isn't too eystrain-y AAAAAAAAA)

wooooooo i'm finally done with these

okay basically these voice dramas are about what happened to the prisoners three days before their crimes and they're supposed to reveal more about their life, what kind of people they are and all of that stuff. they will be separated into two parts bc the voice dramas are pretty short, so this part includes akio, aimi, shun, naomi and kei and the next one will include eiko, asahi, yurika, riku and reina.

warnings: a mention of bullying and an implication of a child being seriously injured in aimi's vd, shun is being a stalker, a description of physical and emotional abuse in naomi's vd, mentions of torture and homophobia in kei's vd (there's also some implications of the latter in akio's vd, but like, if you squint really hard)

[ Akio's Confession ]

(the sound of a school bell ringing)

(the voices of other students can be heard in the background)

Akio: *sighs*

Akio: *thinking* "This class was way too easy.. All classes were too easy so far, honestly."

Akio: *thinking* "Though that's just something I have to deal with as a genius that I am, haha.."

Akio: *thinking* "It's just.. I thought that an elite school like this would be more interesting."

Akio:*thinking* "But when I look at my classmates.. Yeah, I can see why the teachers would go easy on them. How did they even get- Oh, right, probably because they're rich and all."

Akio: *thinking* ".. My parents have worked so hard so that I could attend this school and now I'm complaining.."

Akio: Hm...

(sounds of someone's footsteps getting faster and faster)

Arata: Akioooooo!~

Akio: *screams*

Akio: W-what are you-

Arata: Come on, you promised that we'll have lunch together!

Arata: Come on, get up, get up!

Akio: C-can you-

Akio: *whispering* Can you.. you know.. be quieter? This is embarrassing, everyone is staring at us.

Arata: *whispering* I know, I'm acting like this on purpose.

Akio: Wha-

Arata: Okayyyy, let's go, let's go!~

Akio: I-I haven't even brought anything with me-

Arata: It's okay, as your boyf-

Arata: Uh..

Arata: *clears throat* Ahem, as your best friend, I have prepared something very special for you myself!

Arata: Now let's go!

(sounds of footsteps)

Female classmate: These two are.. really close, aren't they?

Akio: I still can't believe that out of all the hobbies you could have, your hobby is.. cooking.

Arata: What, I don't look like a perfect housewife? You're breaking my heart..

Akio: Ugh..

Akio: C-can't you just act.. you know.. normal?

Arata: Nope. Now say "Ahhh~"

Akio: I am not a child-

Akio: !

Arata: See? Tastes good, doesn't it?

Akio: B-but again, everyone is staring at us..

Arata: And? They're just jealous.

Arata: You know, you look so plain, but you've got someone like me as your boyfriend! You're so lucky!

Akio: Plain?..

Arata: U-uh, I find that cute about you.

Arata: Also, you stole the "most popular guy" title from me! You're so cool!

Akio: We both know you weren't popular because of your looks or intelligence or anything.

Arata: Haha, yeah, being the son of the headmaster kinda makes you popular by default..

Arata: But like, not for a good reason.

Akio: You're still creepy though, obviously they would find you intimidating.

Akio: And you also have a lot of power in this place, so..

Arata: Y-you think I'm creepy?!

Akio: Yes.

Arata: So cold!.. But that's what I like about you!

Akio: Also, about me stealing your title and all..

Akio: .. That title also was stolen from me recently.

Arata: Huh? By who?

Arata: .. Oh.

Arata: You're talking about that guy, right?

Akio: *nods*

Arata: Well, he joined us only a few months ago and he also used to be homeschooled. I think it's his first time actually going to school?

Akio: Yeah, because of his health problems.

Arata: Of course a guy like him would get everyone's attention.

Arata: They just feel sorry for him. Don't worry about it too much~

Arata: I mean, have you seen his grades? A guy like him won't survive in this place.

Akio: Should I remind you about your own grades?

Arata: Ahaha.. At least I have you~

Akio: You're not dating me just because I can do your homework for you, right?

Arata: Well, that's one of the reasons why I like you, but..

Akio: I'm breaking up with you.

Arata: No, no, wait!

Arata: Also, Akio, aren't you dating me because I can make you look good in the eyes of the headmaster?

Akio: ...

Arata: He likes you a lot! He said that our school really needed a student like you.

Akio: ...

Arata: You really are a genius, Akio. I'm sure you'll become famous in the future.

Akio: .. B-but I want to be famous now.

Arata: And you will! I can just make everyone here bow down to you if you want.

Arata: Both figuratively and literally.

Akio: .. I hate him, Arata. I hate him so much.

Arata: I know.

Akio: Sometimes I wish I just could-

Akio: ...

Akio: Never mind.

Arata: Hm? What is it?

Akio: I said, never mind!

Arata: Come on, say it, say it!

Akio: Shut up already-

Arata: Say it, Akio.

Akio: ...

Akio: .. Wouldn't it be nice if he just..

Akio: You know..

Akio: .. Died?

Arata: ...

Arata: Haha..

Arata: Ahahahahahahaha!

(sounds of Arata laughing and falling on the ground)

Akio: .. Yeah, I can't just ask you to act normal again, can I?

Arata: S-sorry, sorry..

Arata: It's just.. I've been waiting for you to say it.

Akio: Huh?

Arata: I don't know, something about you hating him so much to the point of wanting him dead..

Arata: It's just so exciting, you know?

Akio: .. There must be something wrong with you.

Arata: With you too. That's why we're perfect for each other!

Arata: So, how do you want him to die?

Akio: Arata, for God's sake, can you just not talk about murder while we're having lunch and there are other people around?

Arata: Nope, talking about murder is fun.

Arata: Also, you still have some food left. Open your mouth.

Akio: Why would you find talking-

Arata: Anyway, we should head back to class, the break is going to end soon.

Akio: R-right..

(sounds of footsteps)

???: Ah! Akio-kun, Arata-kun!

Akio: ...

Arata: There he is.

???: I've been looking for you two everywhere! I just thought it'd be nice to have a lunch together, haha..

???: B-but it looks like you two are already going back to class.. I'm so slow, haha..

Akio: .. I thought I told you not to call us that.

???: What?

Akio: We're not your friends. Why did you even think we'll agree to spend even the moment of our precious time with you?

???: U-uh..

Akio: Seriously, this is why you always have no choice but to eat alone. You're so stupid-

Arata: Now, now, calm down, Akio.

Arata: Please forgive him, he's not in a good mood today.

???: Really? Why? Did something happen, Akio-kun? C-can I help-

Akio: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

???: ...

Arata: ...

Akio: *breathing heavily* We're not.. friends, Kitami.

Akio: I don't even want to hear you say my name.

Akio: Don't stand in my way. Arata, we're leaving.

Chise: ...

Chise: .. Hey..

Chise: That's not very nice of you, Akio-kun..

Chise: You know I've worked really hard on this, right?

Akio: D-do you think I care?

Chise: Judging from the way you stutter, I think you do.

Akio: ...

Akio: (to Arata) W-why are you still standing here?! I told you we're leaving!

(sounds of Akio and Arata leaving)

Arata: The guy looked like he was about to cry. Are you proud of yourself?

Arata: Not judging you, by the way.

Akio: ...

Arata: Hey, are you listening-

Akio: Why?

Akio: Why does he want to be friends with me?

Akio: He just wants to annoy me, doesn't he? He's just jealous of me and he's trying to make me angry on purpose so that I'll end up yelling at him and ruin my reputation because he's everyone's favorite right now?

Akio: Why do people even like him?! He's so pathetic, so weak, so dumb, so..

Arata: Hey, calm down.

Akio: ...

Arata: You're better than him. Remember that.

Akio: I KNOW THAT, IDIOT! I JUST WANT OTHERS TO REMEMBER THAT TOO!

Arata: Well, I know for a fact that you're better than him. You're better than everyone here~

Arata: .. Hm? What's wrong?

Akio: .. Ahaha..

Akio: He really doesn't know his place, does he?

Akio: So annoying..

Arata: ...

Akio: Hey, can you help me out with something?

Arata: ...

Akio: Come on, I know you like me.

Arata: .. Haha, so now you're accepting the fact that we're a couple.

Akio: Oh, I was just acting shy.

Arata: So.. Do you want to..

Arata: You know..

Akio: I just want to teach him a lesson. Nothing more than that. I'm strict, but I'm not evil.

Arata: ... Oh.

Arata: Well, our school's lucky to have a king like you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

[ Aimi's Confession ]

(The door opens)

Aimi: I'm back!

Aimi: ...

Aimi: Hey? Is anybody here?

Aimi: ...

Aimi: "Haha.. It's like I have no choice but to be alone.."

Aimi: "Just what did I do to deserve this-"

???: Oh, there you are!

Aimi:"Great. Out of all people, it had to be him."

Aimi: Nii-san!

(sounds of Aimi and her brother hugging)

Aimi's brother: Sorry, I was wearing earphones and didn't hear you.

Aimi's brother: If you're wondering where mom and dad are, they went to check on the park, they've heard it's been doing.. not so good.

Aimi: Really? What happened?

Aimi's brother: One of the rides suddenly stopped working and two kids fell off. One of them is fine, thankfully, but the other one ended up in the hospital.

Aimi: Oh..

Aimi's brother: Also, Yori is walking Maru and Mochi right now, just so you know.

Aimi: Oh, right, I got scared for a second, haha..

Aimi: By the way, why are you wearing an apron?

Aimi's brother: Oh, Fumiri wasn't feeling well, so I offered to cook today.

Aimi: You can cook?

Aimi's brother: Okay, rude.

Aimi's brother: You're not gonna eat then?

Aimi: No, I will! I'm okay with whatever Nii-san decides to make~

Aimi's brother: I'm almost done, so you don't have to wait long. Go wash your hands.

Aimi: Oh, right! I forgot, haha..

Aimi: I didn't know you were this good at cooking. It's shocking, really.

Aimi's brother: *laughs* Why are you so mean to me today? Did you have a bad day at school?

Aimi: ...

Aimi's brother: Oh..

Aimi's brother: Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to-

Aimi: N-no, it's okay, it's okay! It's just..

Aimi: It's.. Um..

Aimi: M-my classmates..

Aimi's brother: ...

Aimi's brother: *sighs* What did they do this time?

Aimi: Well, um..

Aimi: Haha..

Aimi: Emi-chan said that I'm too violent and because of that others tend to avoid me..

Aimi: And.. She said she thinks I'm..

Aimi: Scary, haha..

Aimi's brother: ...

Aimi: Am I scary, Nii-san?

Aimi: Am I violent?

Aimi: I always try to be kind to everyone I meet! I would never want to scare anyone or hurt them!

Aimi: I'm not violent! I'm really not!

Aimi's brother: I know. I know.

Aimi's brother: Why do you think she called you that?

Aimi: I don't know!

Aimi: I don't want to say that she..

Aimi: Uh..

Aimi's brother: You don't want to suspect her, right?

Aimi's brother: You don't want to believe that she had bad intentions, right?

Aimi: ...

Aimi: W-why would she?

Aimi: I mean, she's not evil or anything..

Aimi's brother: Well, maybe she's jealous.

Aimi's brother: Maybe she's jealous of your wealth or your looks.

Aimi's brother: Maybe she wanted to provoke you and make you act "violent" in public.

Aimi's brother: You know, like that time with Sao.

Aimi: I-I didn't hit her on purpose, I swear!

Aimi's brother: Of course, I know that.

Aimi's brother: But that's just how the world works. If somebody doesn't like you, it doesn't mean that they will be straightforward about it. Maybe they will just try to make it look like it's your fault for making them hate you.

Aimi's brother: It's not their fault for being mean to you. It's your fault for getting angry. That's how their thought process goes.

Aimi: BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!

Aimi: I JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM!

Aimi: Would they like me more if I wasn't so rich? Would they like me more if I wasn't so pretty?

Aimi: I always was so nice to them! I bought them so many gifts, I always offered my help when needed..

Aimi: I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY FRIENDS! BUT THAT'S NOT HOW FRIENDS ACT!

Aimi: ...

Aimi's brother: Aimi, dear, I understand you. I understand your feelings so well.

Aimi's brother: This world is full of evil people. You're one of the few people who stay kind no matter what.

Aimi's brother: And most people prefer to just ignore all the evil others do..

Aimi's brother: But I don't agree with that. Honestly, I think people like that don't deserve to live.

Aimi: .. "Don't deserve to live"?

Aimi: So what you're saying is..

Aimi: ...

Aimi's brother: Just trust me, okay? You can always rely on me.

Aimi: B-but then..

Aimi's brother: I'll go wash the dishes. How about you play with Maru and Mochi when they come back?

Aimi: Nii-san, you're not going to..

Aimi:Do anything to my classmates, right?

(sounds of Aimi's brother washing the dishes)

Aimi: Ugh, he can't hear me..

(sounds of dogs barking in the background)

Aimi: Oh, is that-

Aimi: They're back! I'll go greet them, hehe~

----------------------------------------------------------------------

[ Shun's Confession ]

Shun: I see. Thank you, this helps a lot.

Old woman's voice: You're welcome. To be honest, I did have my suspicions about that boy..

Old woman's voice: But you seem really nice. I'm sure she still misses you.

Shun: Ahaha.. Thank you so much. I hope so too.

Shun: Have a nice day.

(sounds of footsteps)

Shun: ...

Shun: *sighs loudly*

Shun: God, that was so scary..

Shun: Ugh, socializing shouldn't be this hard..

Shun: But at least I've learned more about her..

Shun: .. Shouldn't I have known that already if she was my girlfriend?..

Shun: N-never mind.

Shun: Okay, let me just go through my notes-

Shun: !

Shun: I-I almost dropped my phone..

Shun: Okay, so..

Shun: Inaba Hina, 21 year old. A university student, psychology major, also has a part-time job as a babysitter.

Shun: So she's good with kids, huh.. Haha, they're going to love her.

Shun: Was born on August 28th, lives alone, but regularly picks her little brother up from school since her parents can't do that because of their job and his school is very close to her apartment.

Shun: Come to think of it..

Shun: R-right! She's supposed to pick him up soon!

Shun: I have the address written down, hold on..

Shun: That's it, I'm finally going to meet her!..

Shun: "Okay, I'm finally here.."

Shun: "Huh.. It looks like her brother isn't here yet.."

Shun: "I guess I'll have to wait."

Shun: "Oh, maybe I should try to become friends with her little brother too? If I show her how good I am at taking care of kids, I'm sure she will fall in love with me again!"

Shun: Ehehe.. This plan is definitely going to work..

Shun: I should just wait until her brother-

Shun: Oh, isn't that..

Shun: "Okay, just act normal."

Shun: Hello there. Sorry for asking, but you're Inaba Renji, aren't you?

Renji: .. Um..

Shun: I know this may sound weird, but I'm your sister's.. friend and-

Renji: W-why do you know my name?

Shun: Your sister told me! She loves you a lot and she told me that you're a very good kid so I thought-

Renji: .. And what's your name?

Shun: O-oh, uh..

Shun: I-it's Ishizu Shun. You've probably heard it before.

Renji: Nope. Never heard a name like that.

Shun: ...

Shun: "S-she.. Never told her brother about me.."

Renji: Hey. I don't know what your deal is and I don't know anything about your relationship with my sister, but like..

Renji: C-can you.. leave me alone?

Shun: Oh, uh, s-she asked me to pick you up from school since she's too busy today!

Renji: ...

Shun: ...

Renji: Dude. That's like.. What all child kidnappers say.

Shun: What?! No, no, you got it all wrong! I swear, I really am her friend-

Renji: I am going to scream if you don't leave me alone.

Shun: But-

Renji: *takes a breath*

Shun: Okay, fine, fine!

(sounds of Shun running away)

Shun: *breathing heavily*

Shun: That.. did not go well..

Shun: .. So she.. never told her brother about me..

Shun: .. Did she even love me?

Shun: And if not.. Why did she even date me?

Shun: I'm not that attractive and I'm not that smart..

(sound of a phone notification)

Shun: Hm? What's that?

Shun: O-oh, right, I forgot about Merurin's stream!

Shun: At least I have her to comfort me..

Shun: Did I bring my earphones with me-

???: Here you are!

Shun: *screams*

???: I've been looking for you everywhere!

???: Did you even read my messages?

???: Or did you forget as always?

Shun: .. I-I forgot.

???: *sighs* You have work today, you remember that?

Shun: .. I forgot.

???: Why are you like this..

???: Let's go. We're gonna be late, but honestly, I don't really care.

Shun: ...

???: Don't look at me like that. I'm not doing this because we're friends or anything.

Shun: O-oh, right. Sorry..

???: Hey, what were you watching anyway-

A voice from Shun's phone: Hewwo, my adorable little kittens! How are you all doing today?

Shun: ...

???: ...

A voice from Shun's phone: Aw, I wish I could just give you all loooooots of headpats!~

???: .. You know what, I think you'll be fine without my help.

???: See you at work.

Shun: W-wait!

Shun: ...

Shun: ".. Fine. I'm going to see Hina soon anyway."

Shun: "Or actually.."

Shun: .. Ehehe..

Shun: "Maybe I should invite her new boyfriend instead?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

[ Naomi's Confession ]

(sounds of children laughing and running around can be heard in the background)

Naomi: Okay, okay, everybody, sit down~ We can't have a tea party while you all are running and jumping like this, right?

Naomi's students: Okay, Chiba-sensei!

(sounds of children sitting down)

Naomi: Great! Now, I didn't forget about anyone, right? Everyone has tea to drink and snacks to eat-

Female student A: Chiba-sensei! Natsu ate my cookies while I wasn't looking!

Naomi: (to Natsu) Really? Did you do that?

Natsu: .. *nods*

Naomi: Come on, that's not a good thing to do. If you wanted some, you could have just asked me.

Natsu: .. S-sorry..

Naomi: Here, you can take these. But please apologize to Rimi-chan, okay?

Natsu: (to Rimi) U-um.. I-I'm sorry.. They just looked really good..

Rimi: Hm.. Fine, I forgive you! But never do that again!

Natsu: I-I promise!

Naomi: *laughs* Here, Rimi-chan, I still have some for you left.

Rimi: Yay! You're the best, Chiba-sensei!

Female student B: Chiba-sensei, why other teachers are so boring and strict compared to you?

Female student B: You're so nice!

Male student A: Yeah! You're like a friend to us, but like, a friend that's much older than us!

Naomi: Haha, are you saying that I'm old?

Female student C: Ugh, boys are so rude..

Naomi: Well, um.. I don't know, I just.. I don't want you to see my classes as something.. bad, I guess?

Naomi: I don't want you to be afraid of me or hate me.

Naomi: And also, I try to treat you all with respect, because that's what you all deserve, even if you all are much younger than me.

Naomi's students: Whoa..

Female student D: Chiba-sensei is so cool!

Female student B: How can anyone hate her-

???: .. Ahem.

???: So what you're saying is that you don't want people to see you in a bad way?

???: You're afraid of people hating you, right? Even if those people are just kids?

Naomi: ...

Female student C: Way to kill the mood..

Naomi: Haha.. Come on, Tao-kun, you know that's not true-

Naomi: A-and even if it is true, what's so bad about it? Nobody wants to be hated-

Tao: Yeah, but you're an adult.

Tao: And you're still trying to please everyone and never say no to anyone.

Tao: I don't think it's because you're so kind, but because you're just too scared of being hated.

Tao: Do you really like us? Or do you like us because it's easy to manipulate us and make us think you're the nicest person in the world?

Naomi: ...

Male student B: What's your problem, Tao?!

Female student C: That's why nobody likes you.

Female student B: Chiba-sensei is nice to us because she loves us. Simple as that.

Tao: You are not her kids! We're just her students. There's no reason for her to love us.

Female student C: Well, she loves us more than your parents love you, that's for sure.

Tao: !

Tao: Shut up-

(the door opens)

???: Chiba-san? Someone wants to see you.

Naomi: .. O-oh. S-sure, I'll be right there.

Naomi: *stands up* Please wait for me, okay? Don't eat everything without me~

Naomi's students: Okay!~

(sounds of Naomi's footsteps)

Naomi: *thinking* "But who could have possibly wanted to see me-"

Naomi: ...

Naomi: .. Mom?

Naomi's mother: Well hello there.

Naomi's mother: What's with the kids laughing and screaming? I thought you were supposed to have classes today.

Naomi: U-um, we planned to have a tea party today, since everyone's been doing so well lately and we also finished working early, s-so..

Naomi: I just thought it would be nice to reward them with something, you know?

Naomi's mother:Is that a cookie crumb on your cheek?

Naomi: .. Oh. S-sorry.

Naomi's mother: You're so unprofessional..

Naomi: M-mom, I am a 30 year old teacher. Stop visiting me like this. It's embarrassing.

Naomi's mother: You're a bigger embarassment. I have no choice but to check how you're doing.

Naomi's mother: Seriously, you act more like a child than your students.

Naomi: ...

Naomi: B-but they seem to love me-

Naomi's mother: They don't see you as a teacher, Naomi. They see you as another child. You're a friend to them, not a teacher. You won't be able to become a good role model for them.

Naomi: I-I just want them to feel safe, since most of them come from.. families with all sorts of problems.

Naomi's mother: Nobody can be safe with you around. I literally keep visiting you exactly because of that.

Naomi: ...

Naomi's mother: Don't look at me like that.

Naomi: Please, just.. leave. My students can hear us.

Naomi's mother: And what exactly are you so afraid of? It's your fault for being like this.

Naomi's mother: If you wanted to become a teacher to make me proud, then at least act like one.

Naomi: I-I'm trying..

Naomi: But someone keeps distracting me from doing my job-

(a sound of Naomi being slapped)

Naomi: ...

Naomi's mother: Don't you ever blame me for doing this.

Naomi's mother: I'm doing this for your sake. You have left me no other choice.

Naomi: .. Someone could see you doing this to me, you know.

Naomi's mother: Oh, so now you're blackmailing me. Seriously, you should be more grateful.

Naomi's mother: You don't have to "worry" about me. With my reputation, people would never think I'm in the wrong for doing this.

Naomi's mother: .. They never did.

Naomi's mother: Now, go back to work.

Naomi: .. You really just came to traumatize me again? The hell is wrong with you?

Naomi's mother: .. We'll discuss the way you talk to your own mother later.

Naomi: I am not a child-

Naomi's mother: Again, I have no choice but to treat you like one.

Naomi's mother: Now, go and play with the kids your age.

(sounds of Naomi's mother's footsteps becoming quieter)

Naomi: ...

Rimi: Chiba-sensei..

Naomi: Ah!

Naomi: Rimi-chan.. what are you doing here?

Naomi: D-did you see-

Rimi: *nods*

Naomi: ...

Naomi: I'm so sorry. That was.. not a teacher-like thing to do-

Naomi: !

Rimi: .. W-when I told you about my parents, you hugged me. You hugged me, even though I was so loud and annoying and couldn't stop crying..

Rimi: S-so, um.. I-I thought that maybe this can help you feel better too.

Naomi: ...

Naomi: C-come on, an adult should be comforting a child, not the other way around..

Naomi: Let's go back, okay? I'm sure everyone is waiting for us.

Naomi: ".. I just hope Tao didn't see this."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

[ Kei's Confession ]

(a woman's screaming can be heard in the background)

Kei: Shh, it's okay, it's okay~

Kei: Can you smile for me, please?

Kei: Or, actually, never mind, your expression is already perfect.

Kei: Anddddd we're done!~

Kei's boss: Seriously, you're enjoying this way too much.

Kei: I just love my job a lot, is that bad?

Kei's boss: Well, your job is to take photos of people in the worst conditions imaginable. Most people wouldn't really like this job, unless they've got some screws loose.

Kei: Haha, come on, you know that with a father like mine, I'm used to this.

Kei's boss: True..

Kei: Also, I'm sure this cutie over here has already fallen in love with me-

(the woman's screaming gets louder)

Kei: .. Maybe not.

Kei's boss: Anyway, just take the money and leave.

Kei: Oh, you know I'm not doing this for the money-

Kei's boss: Ahem.

Kei: Got it, got it.

Kei: (to the woman) See you later, sweetie! Uh.. If you survive, that is.

(the door opens)

Kei: Ruka, I'm home!~

Kei: Ruka?..

Kei: "Where could he be?"

Kei: "Nothing happened to him while I was gone, right?.."

Kei: !

Kei: RUKA!

Kei: "What if they've done something to him while I was-"

Kei: Huh?..

Ruka: Oh, you're home.

Kei: .. What are you doing?

Ruka: I'm taking a bath. I thought it was obvious.

Kei: .. While fully clothed?

Ruka: Of course. I remember doing so even when I was alive.

Kei: .. O-okay.

Kei: *breathes out* I was so scared..

Ruka: Why?

Ruka: I won't drown or anything. And I won't try to kill myself. I'm already dead anyway-

Kei: I know, I know! It's just..

Kei: Well, uh.. You remember what happened.

Ruka: .. Oh.

Ruka: You can come here, if you want.

Kei: Again, while fully clothed?

Ruka: What's your issue with clothes? Do it, coward.

Kei:*laughs* Fine, fine.

(sounds of Kei getting into the bathtub)

Kei: This feels so weird.

Ruka: Hearing that from a guy like you sounds weirder.

Kei: .. Am I really that weird, Ruka?

Ruka: Yeah.

Kei: But why?

Ruka: Every single thing about you is weird.

Kei: Well, name one then!

Ruka: You're sitting in a bathtub with me right now and we both have our clothes on.

Kei: .. That was all part of your plan?!

Ruka: Yep.

Kei: .. *laughs* Then you're just as weird as me.

Ruka: Probably. I'm dead anyway, might as well do whatever I want.

Kei: .. Maybe it would be nice to die, actually-

Kei: No, no, what am I saying, haha..

Ruka: Nope, you have to live.

Kei: Huh? Why?

Ruka: Uh..

Ruka: 'Cause you have a job and I don't?.. And well, we still need money, so..

Kei: *laughs* How do you just.. Let things like this come out of your mouth?

Ruka: Maybe that's because of your influence.

Kei: .. Ruka, you love me, right?

Ruka: Dunno.

Kei: Meanie.

Kei: .. I don't want to leave this house anymore.

Kei: Everyone is too mean.

Kei: They're too mean to us.

Ruka: Listen, your friends' reaction was understandable-

Kei: It was not! They were so rude!

Kei: I probably should have expected it, they were always saying weird things about guys who like guys..

Ruka: *sighs* It's not because of me being a guy.

Ruka: Actually, I'm not even sure if I'm one-

Kei: You are one. At least, uh.. physically. Your gender is up to you to figure out though.

Ruka: Sure, whatever. Anyway, that's not because they acted like that.

Kei: THEN WHY?!

Kei: Ugh, the water is so cold..

Ruka: You just noticed?

Kei: They were so mean...

Ruka: .. Are you going to cry?

Kei: Shut up.

Kei: I wish I could prove to them that my way of showing love is normal..

Ruka: I doubt you can do that.

Kei: .. I think I have an idea.

Ruka: He has an idea. Great.

Kei: They always said things like "Kei, come on, you're going to steal our girlfriends at this point!" or "Seriously, our girlfriends are going to fall in love with you, if you keep at it!"

Kei: I think that's because they knew that their girls would gladly choose me over them.

Kei: So.. Why not invite them here? I can give them as much love as they want from me~

Ruka: Oh no, I'm feeling so jealous..

Kei: You sound more emotionless than ever.

Ruka: Anyway, I'm against this.

Kei: Why?!

Ruka: You should just forget about your friends. Seriously.

Ruka: Do you even see them as friends?

Kei: Um.. Not really..

Kei: But..

Kei: If I want to appear "less weird", I need to have friends..

Ruka: .. Hey.

Ruka: .. Have you ever had friends? You know.. before them?

Kei: .. I think I had one.

Kei: But I don't really remember him that well..

Kei: H-he probably left me or something, haha..

Kei: .. Hey, the water is way too cold. I'm getting out.

Ruka: You're not actually going to invite them to our house, right?

(sounds of Kei getting out of the bathtub)

Kei: Why not? I can treat those girls better than their boyfriends.

Ruka: Kei, I don't have a good feeling about this.

Kei: Aw, so you really are jealous!

Ruka: .. You already have me. You don't have to try and get those guys' trust back or whatever.

Kei: ...

Kei: I don't like the way wet clothes feel. I'll go change.

#akio's vd is a bit longer than the other ones bc i've figured out the writing format and decided it's okay for these vds to be kinda short #since they're supposed to feel like a glimpse into the prisoners' lives and nothing more #aimi's vd was esp hard to write bc it's like.. i have to be very careful with what i reveal about her #also her brother's identity is still supposed to be a secret so #with YOUR help we can vote shun guilty again but now for acting like THAT! vote shun ishizu guilty today (or when s3 starts) 👍👍👍#one day naomi will beat the “i have an undiagnosed mental illness and my parents think i'm a danger to society” allegations. maybe #“hey what about kei's friend” yeah what about him. i definitely don't have his design or his name or anything in my docs. shut up /silly #sobbing and crying bc rukakei are like. they're so codependent but they also genuinely care about each other and love each other and #fUCK i have to tag them #👑prisoner 001: miyagawa akio👑#🌸prisoner 002: hanasaki aimi🌸#💔prisoner 003: ishizu shun 💔#🌿prisoner 004: chiba naomi🌿#🍓prisoner 005: sanada kei 🍓#milgram #milgram oc #milgram project #ocgram

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mykelneedssleep · 1 month

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Welcome to my favorite time of the day which I like to call my sleep schedule vs. that random fanfic idea I had

#this one isn't even about jacobi #... its about kepler #okay jacobi is definitely in it in places but he isn't the main focus of the fic #anyway we are all shocked by this decision and frankly my growth as a person #the same way I was shocked when I was trying to go to my sleep and my brain hit me with a what if you wrote this #wolf 359 #si5 #warren kepler #daniel jacobi #kepcobi #a little I think?#I can't just not include Jacobi you know I am so mentally ill about him #particularly his relationship with kepler

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hobisexually · 6 months

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#hm its time for a rant again <3 #but my roommate has a date again and that makes me feel…….. extra mentally ill snsnsnsn #I’m a little bit upset because I spent this entire year trying to rebuild right. rebuild my social life rebuild the me I used to be #and every time I think I’m almost there shit derails me?#like okay first my dad and I. collide in unprecedented ways #then my back problems got worse than ever before #then I try to recover from not speaking to said dad and work throws a blow in my face that I quite frankly still haven’t really gotten over #then new body problems arise!#then we find out I definitely have pcos and can’t ignore it any longer #then everyone in my life is. moving on to a life phase I can’t follow to #but I had it all under control I was taking it in stride I was Coping #and then ……… I catch covid again #and it really triggered 1) my anxiety again in ways that. Sigh #and 2) im still not okay? it’s been three weeks and I’m still dizzy every day I have a headache all the time I am So tired I can’t focus #and my eyes are being weird #and idk that happened in the last week and also my neck is FUCKED and my shoulders feel like concrete #and last time my eyes were weird and I couldn’t focus and had a headache all the time it was also my neck #but I just…….. am 1) terrified it’s long covid I am so so so scared #2) how can I live life normally if this. keeps happening.#but mostly 3) I am so tired of it being blow after blow after blow #I am too generally busy with work or therapy or physio therapy or FUCKING pelvic floor therapy #which is a whole different kind of hell I can’t even begin to discuss on this website it makes me so uncomfortable #that I. can’t even date.#like where do I have the energy to.#I am about to turn 32 and what the fuck do I have to show for it #and what if this is it #what if? this is it?????!!???!#I don’t know if I can live with that #ugh this doesn’t even touch the root of it but I am Deeply Upset and I don’t like complaining or acting like a victim (im not!) but Jesus #I for once would just like to. be carefree. instead of feeling like I need to fix 29292993 things about myself before I can Live. fuck.

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akkivee · 3 months

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hey i got double bingo lol!!!!!!!

the blank if you want it lol

#this is vee speaking #these spaces are a bit shallow so to say but we ballin lol #i agree the stage has better writing but since i think they did my fav dirty and stage bat imo is the most shallow of bat interpretations #it does not get my vote there LOL #uhhhhh idk what they mean with getting into hypmic for their fave #like you vibed with seeing how fans portrayed the character and THEN got into hypmic????#you vibed with a character and decided to take a chance????? got into hypmic by proxy and have just been rolling with it?????#depending on the answer i would have another space filled since it was love at first sight the moment i saw ichiro lol #i need to just bite the bullet and go to a con bc the last time i cosplayed was in 2019 ADFHLGSSJLFSK #this blog is my 20k character analysis on harai kuukou i hope that’s obvious to you LOL #okay so i was definitely inconsolable when nb (&mcd) broke up!!!!!!! like got fcked up when it first dropped and after a reread lol #but not like weeping weeping so does the panic episode i had after mtr’s 2nd drb drama track count or is that mentally ill #i personally don’t think i theorise but i also don’t consider myself an artist so idk lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#once upon a time ago i would have said doppo is just like me fr lol but i don’t hate my job actually!!!!!#and yeah nemu’s best girl she’s literally low enough on the totem pole to not be arrested for crimes unlike the others 😭😭😭#unless we count babygirls and THEN we might have an argument LOL

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musical-chick-13 · 10 months

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My God I am so tired of people only talking about mental illness and/or disability in fiction/as a literary theme when they can use it to back up their terrible male faves by saying that they Weren't That Bad, Actually and They Belong To A Marginalized/Unfairly Demonized Group, So You Need To Be On Their Side.

#it's like the 'oh this female character is a lesbian' thing that people do to get her ''''out of the way'''' of a given m/m pairing #in the sense that they put this idea/headcanon/etc. out there and then never actually DO anything with it #there's no meaningful engagement with that idea and it's so often only done in service of the men #and is so clearly not rooted in any kind of actual understanding of what that life experience is or a genuine desire to see it explored or #represented. like I know. I KNOW. that I talk about this ad nauseum I /KNOW/ okay.#but I will never know peace until we can ascribe these headcanons/identities/life experiences to characters in a way that #doesn't just involve defending or propping up the (frequently horrible) widely-considered-attractive fictional man du jour #I will forever be discontent if we keep doing this thing where we only bring up mental illness/disability when a popular fictional man #is mean and unpleasant as a way of ''''explaining'''' that behavior #(don't get me started on the way people ACTUALLY treat male characters who are CANONICALLY mentally ill/disabled and DEFINITELY #don't get me started on how they treat ANY woman in fiction-or irl let's be honest-who even shows POTENTIAL HINTS of being these things)#...sorry I said that once I saw irl people I'd probably have less of an Urge to Complain but I guess I was wrong #In the Vents #mc13 once again gets frustrated with how mental illness/disability is treated in fandom spaces #(and everywhere)#my fucking god remember when people tried to keep saying that [redacted] was a neurodivergent/mentally ill icon truly I lost #at least half my braincells over that #*sigh* I gotta get over these Symptoms™ so that I can finish my River Has O/C/D fic

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thefleshyougoveggie · 10 months

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they’re not lovebombing me, we’re just mutually obsessed queers with lots of love in our hearts

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andromedaa-tonks · 2 years

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not to be a dudebro but infinity war opening night was such a vibe i miss it

#if you weren’t a marvel fan back then let me describe it to you #APRIL 26? 27? I FORGOT. BUT IT WAS 2018 #everyone’s BUZZING about the new avengers movie. the mcu stans are seeing it tonight.#people are screaming. someone jokes about how steve is gonna die. another person screams ‘don’t say that’#further discussions about which if your favorite characters are gonna die #we mentally and emotionally prepared ourselves for the death of the characters we’ve known for almost a decade #it’s okay we’ll still have our boy peter parker! he’ll be okay! the guardians are definitely gonna be okay #this is gonna be the end of an era.#here we go. opening night. theater is PACKED. people are in full cosplay. excitement is thROUGH THE ROOF #in the theater. the marvel opening screen doesn’t have the usual marvel music. it’s completely silent. oh. we’re fucked aren’t we #but we’re having fun! haha aliens! tony strange and peter are so fun together. OH THE GUARDIANS!!!!! ILL DO YOU ONE BETTER WHYS GAMORA??#steve’s with a beard steve with a beard steve with a beard steve with a beard steve with a beard steve with a beard #BRIINNGGG MEEEE THANOOOOOSS #holy shit. we’re gonna win. this is the culmination of the mcu.#‘you should have gone for the head.’#‘steve?’ dust. dust. dust everywhere. what the fuck. what the fuck is this. what. no. no. wait. i thought steve and tony would die but oh.#this is so much worse.#what the fuck is this. the bad guys aren’t supposed to win. wait.#the screen goes to black. credits roll. the crowd sits in silence.

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bookwyrminspiration · 2 years

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the words "this one's more challenging" are my kryptonite. if you say something is harder to do then I will do it without thinking. all choice and autonomy out the window. that book is more difficult to analyze? well now that's the one I'm writing my essay about. that paint by numbers is more detailed and harder to do? well now it's the obvious choice. that language is the trickiest to learn? guess who's getting out duolingo to fuck around and find out. it's me. I can't resist a challenge I gotta go for the hardest option gotta do it

#quil lore #shitpost #today my teacher gave out a list of books. we need to pick one to be our choice for a project later in the semester #the list has a challenging section. for more difficult books. you're never going to guess which section I'm going to be picking from #listen okay. I gotta. I gotta be the best at everything gotta go for the top #I'm a not-quite-burnt-out-but-definitely-messed-up former gifted kid I know nothing else #look okay it's not like I'm reaching out of my capabilities #the challenging list is probably a good fit for me #it's just that every time someone says something will be harder I go 'oh that's the one I should do then' like. it's instinct at this point #no thought of i could just do the easier thing!#no thoughts only challenge #i may be mentally ill

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bingobongobonko · 16 days

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just kinda nauseous and off tonight.idk how people can sleep sometimes. i feel like death

#fool's monologue #the only thing i can think of. why is shit like this i mean thats not #i know why shit is like this it is a constant #but i guess the naive part of me keeps repeating it #over and over again like its gonna help #yeah no shit this shouldnt be happening. and it still is #and i just like #oh god #how do i sleep i cant sleep this is awful #this is awful this is awful this is awful this is awful this is awful #just. oh my god what do we do #i mean we do what we can #thats what we do #but i cant wrap my head around it what the fuck is any of this #why does any of this happen why is anyone okay with this #why is it everyone okay w it why does everyone go about everything normal #how how how how how #im not mentally ill im fucking losing my mind at how awful everything is #this is not mental illness this is not me having a breakdown this is just that bad #and i do what i cna and i do what i can but holy shit why is this happening #we're people we're people we're people why cant you see people #i know theres a reaosn i know theres a smarter way people put it im not that person im #fuck dude #this is so bad #this is so so so atrocious i cant even wrap my head around it #i know youre suppoosed to be strong and rational and hopeful and i definitely #am hopeful but i feel so fucking insane #its why over and over again just why #why is this happening to people #why god

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angeltrapz · 3 months

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not the misgendering again

#it definitely doesnt make me want to die :)#im fucking serious i am at my limit with my stepdad. like im fucking calling him by his name in my head bc he is NOT the dad i had before #i dont know what happened but its like my dad disappeared over night and now i live with a complete stranger #why it still hurts this bad after nine years i dont know but i wish it didnt #i wish it didnt still fucking hurt because it doesnt matter how i feel about it. it isnt going to change #i just wish someone would stand up for me in that regard but we all know it wont make him stop so whats the point. itll just make him angry #and then well all have to deal with it #connor.vtxt #im sorry i just. i was having a good night and now im considering smoking another bowl bc Fuck This Shit #i know i shouldnt do it but everything hurts and my heart is beating too hard #i just hope this gets better because i really cant keep doing this for the rest of my life. i really cant #dont worry abt the first tag btw im not going to do anything. im okay #well. not okay but not actually considering That.#he does not respect me in any regard. especially not as a person. but expects me to respect him and never tell him what he says/does hurts #he doesnt even apologize anymore #he thinks its 'another one of my mental illnesses'

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carp-esh-ove-lem · 1 year

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there’s something to be said for the amount of times i have had a “wow i should honestly be seeing a professional about this like immediately” moment in the past month (it is comedic the amount of times, i think it’s quite funny actually)

#okay in all fairness it’s probably the last two months #but let me be marginally funnier #what are we at now anyways #it’s definitely at least 3 #i think it might be four or five #depending on if we count the ‘i have executive dysfunction so bad that it’s heavily interfering with living my life normally #so maybe i should really get that checked out and officially diagnosed so i’m allowed to get accommodations for it in the future’ or not #bc honestly thats just a recurring thing in my life at this point #update (downgrade) installed some 5 years ago #shows up at random times #well ‘random’#when i’m very mentally ill but thats besides the point

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wosoamazing · 2 months

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Nursery & Sickness

Summary: You don't want to go to nursery. You also get sick from Nursery, making your Mum sick too. Based off this request.

Warnings: Sickness (Vomiting)

A/N: I was kind of stumped on what to write so of course I turned it into a sickfic - I hope that is okay. I promise I am trying to write things other than sickfics, some of your requests are definitely helping with that.

You didn't want to go to Nursery, you wanted to go to training as you always did, but you didn't understand why you couldn’t. Once you realised your Mum was leading you in the direction of your nursery you planted your feet firmly on the ground, refusing to walk, she just picked you up, not budging at your actions.

As she placed you down in your room, you started to cry, you didn't want to leave her side. “I’ve got to go to training Bubba, so you’re going to spend the day here, and I’ll be back to pick you up as soon as training is over”

“No, I come training with you”

“But Bubba you can’t, it's better for you to go to Nursery, and you can still come to games, I promise I will be back to pick you up.”

“No go,” you sobbed.

“I have to, what if we read a book together before I go?” You sadly nodded your head and went over to pick a book, while you Mum sat crossed legged on the floor. You chose a book and walked over to her, before walking backwards into her lap and sitting down, she read you the book and you calmed down, enough so that she didn’t feel guilty to leave you.

When she came back to pick you up, you had a huge grin on your face and you were in the middle of a painting activity, you didn't want to leave. So she helped you finish your painting before you both went home, in the car you told her about your amazing day. She was relieved that you had enjoyed, so much so that you asked when you were getting to go back

_____

Leah expected you to be sad and upset the first time she took you to Nursery, but what she didn’t expect was that you would have a new illness every week, the experienced nursery parents told her that this was normal, and would happen for roughly 2 or 3 months than you would just get like the seasonal flu, and if you moved Nurseries it would happen all over again, Leah took a mental note of that and promised herself she would not move you to a different Nursery. Heaps of the more experienced parents told her that this would happen for the first 2 or 3 months than you would be fine, so she just had to get through it.

_____

Today was game day, which you were excited for, it meant you didn’t have to go to Nursery, however you felt funny, your head kind of hurt and your tummy felt icky, but you didn’t tell your Mum, you didn’t want her to make you stay home.

You slept in the car on the way to the game, which wasn’t a rare occurrence, considering it was a late game. When you were offered your snacks to eat before the game started you shook your head, which your Mum found odd as it was an offer you would always jump at. You fell asleep very quickly into the first half and slept the whole way through the game. Only waking up when Katie turned on the TV to see the men play as she waited for Caitlin to finish getting ready. The loud noise of the fans cheering through the TV radiated through your head and you started crying.

“What’s wrong Bubba?” Your Mum asked, snapping her fingers in Katie’s direction, who quickly turned down the volume.

“Icky,” you cried out.

“Oh Bubba, do you feel sick?” she asked as she felt your forehead, which was quite warm. You nodded in reply.

“Okay, well I’ll just get our stuff all packed up and then we can go okay, I love you,” she said, placing a kiss on your forehead. She was walking around the locker room, gathering all your things when the sound of liquid spilling onto the floor echoed around the locker room. She quickly spun around to see you covered in vomit, with a puddle of vomit in front of you. She quickly moved over to you and moved you out of the way of your puddle of vomit, tears started to roll down your cheeks, as she went to look over to Katie to ask something, but Katie had already left the room and there is no one else in the room, they all have already left or the ones that remain are in the showers.

Your Mum takes off your Shirt and Shorts, and uses a wet wipe to wipe your hands and face, before she starts getting you changed into your spare clothes. As she is smoothing down your hair that was messed up by your shirt, you gag, she looks around the room panicked trying to figure out what she can grab, when she sees Katie walk in who quickly chucks her a sick bowl. She places the sick bowl under your chin just in time as you start throwing up again. Caitlin, Steph, Lia and Kim have all now finished their showers and walk into the room, to see the absolute scene in front of them. Your Mum is kneeling beside you rubbing your back as you throw up into the sick bowl she is holding for you, there is a puddle of vomit nearby and a bag with your vomit cover clothes in it, sitting near you, that has yet to be tied up.

“Do you need any help Leah?” Kim asks.

“No, no it’s all good, you guys just go, have a good night,” Leah responds, they all quickly gather their things and head out, except for one, who is rushing around behind your Mum, gathering all your belongings. She has finished packing all three of your bags and walks over to where the bag with your dirty clothes sits, your Mum jumps slightly not realising there was still someone in the room with her, she looks up to find it is Lia, her heart melting slightly at the kindness of her best friend.

“Lia, you really didn't need to stay behind,” she looks behind her, “Or pack up any of our stuff.”

“Don’t be silly Leah, I’ll just take these things out to the car and then I’ll come back for you and Y/N/N, and before you say you are fine to drive home, we drove here together.” Your Mum’s face cringed, she had totally forgotten that.

When Lia came back in you were sitting in your Mum’s lap, as she held you close, rocking you backwards and forwards.

“Le,” Lia said softly, your Mum looked up, “I’m ready when you are.” Your Mum got up and headed to the car, you threw up a lot more that night. The worst being when you had just gotten home, you were in your Mum’s arms, meaning it was all over you and her.

____

It had been a day since you last threw up, but you still felt icky so you were sleeping in your Mum’s bed, between her and Lia. Lia had insisted she stayed to help look after you.

“Fuck, Lia, can you hand me a sick bowl?” Your Mum asked.

“Yeah, but why, Y/N/N is asleep. Or have your Mum senses started tingling,” Lia joked as she handed the sick bowl to your Mum, who lent her head back against the headboard and closed her eyes, taking some deep breaths, Lia quickly clicked on to what was happening. She carefully and gently picked you up and quickly walked to your room, knowing Leah would be more comfortable if you weren’t there, she placed you on your bed before returning to the room. She climbed into the bed and sat next to your Mum, placing her hand on your Mum’s thigh, gently reassuring her, knowing that your Mum wouldn't want much physical touch currently. They remained like that for a few minutes before your Mum’s upper body jerked forward and she lost the contents of her stomach into the sick bowl, Lia rubbed her back whilst she softly spoke reassuring words to her.

____

You awoke in your bed feeling much better, but you wanted your Mum so you decided to toddle off down the hall and into her room, you saw her with Lia in the bathroom, hunched over the toilet as Lia rubbed her back, you walked into the bathroom.

“Mummy?” You questioned, slightly worried.

“Mummy is sick, I think she got your sick. Are you feeling better?" you nodded your head, "Thats good," Lia said before she moved her free hand to your Mums shoulder and gently squeezed it, your Mum shook her head slightly and Lia murmured a quiet 'okay' before she turned her gaze back to you. "Why don’t you go out to the living room and I’ll join you in a sec,” you nodded and toddled off.

#woso #woso community #woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso imagine #arsenal wfc #awfc #awfc x reader #leah williamson x reader

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secretwritingspot · 5 months

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Too Much (Take Me Home)

Pairing: OPLA Sanji x Reader

Rating/Content Warnings: okay so I have no idea how to rate this. Like this is definitely not PG but it's also not really nsfw?? Honestly I'd recommend just reading the summary and deciding for yourself from there.

Summary: Reader is a sub who, due to the nature of y'know like being on a pirate ship constantly has not had a single chance to relax in weeks, especially since they don't really know any of their crewmates like that. Sanji steps in to save the day.

Disclaimer(s): so funny story - this is the single kinkiest thing I've written for this blog. And yet. It is also the least sexual thing I've written for this blog, that being not sexual at all. This is purely mentally-ill wish fulfillment emotional hurt-comfort d/s fluff. None of those words are in the bible but we persist nonetheless. A lot of d/s themes but like soft d/s if that makes sense, undernegotiated kink (there's definitely communication and it's p healthy but they're both idiots your honor), some petplay if you squint? Like not really but reader is on their knees and he calls them puppy a few times so do with that what you will.

There's a surprising amount of paperwork that comes with being the ship's chef.

One would think Sanji was always on his feet, whipping up something new- and yet here he is, late at night, sitting at a table that feels nautical miles away from where he really wants to be, the galley. But this was a part of the job- to catalogue ingredients, new recipes, what he could make and on what day for their supplies to last until the next town.

He's used to it being a solitary job, but then there's footsteps and a knock at the doorframe of his room and you walk in, shy uncertainty in your voice.

"...Sanji?"

You weren't sure about this, about any of this. But you were exhausted in a way that sleep couldn't fix, and it was obvious to you as to why.

You were a sub. There, you admitted it, got that embarrassing information out of the way as quickly as possible.

You - strong, strategic, stoic you - had been spinning out for the last few days. It had been too long since you'd been able to go under, since you'd joined the strawhats, to be precise, and it was starting to wear on you.

There was only so long you could go like this, tough and detached, protecting everyone else, taking care of the rest of your crew before yourself. It was constant, on the Merry. You really should've seen that coming with it being a pirate ship and all, but you felt like you had no room to breathe. Wake up, save the day, plan, eat and sleep only to keep your energy up to do it again the next day. You were always on, always performing the most capable version of yourself, and it was starting to wear you thin.

Sanji, for all his care and attention, hadn't seemed to notice. Even now, when you'd come to him like this. For that, a part of you was thankful.

He can't even hope to hide the way his face lights up when you walk in, quickly grabbing a towel next to him and wiping off his hands on instinct, like there should be oil or cooking wine or flour on them. There isn't, but other times there is. And there will be again, eventually. Better safe than sorry, he supposes.

"What could possibly bring such an angel down to me so late?"

He questions with a charming smile, cocking his head at you fondly. You roll your eyes at his immediate antics, blushing.

"Ah. Straight to business, huh?"

You laugh nervously, looking away and scratching the back of your neck with a sheepish blush.

"...can I stay with you? While you work?"

He squints at you curiously and then nods, smile blooming on his face the way it always does when you're around. For such a simple request, he doesn't know why you look so embarrassed.

Sure, the signs of embarrassment aren't as obvious on someone like you- but he can still see them. The way your eyes avoid his, the slight awkwardness in your stance as you shift on your feet.

"Of course, love. I'd never turn down your wonderful company."

You take a relieved breath and nod, looking down. For a moment you stand still, trying to make your feet move. Is this really such a good idea?

You take the leap before you can second guess yourself, walking over to where he sits at the desk. You pass the other seats and he squints curiously, having expected you to take one. Instead, you come straight to his, sinking down to your knees next to him and sitting back on your heels, resting your head on the side of his thigh.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

His eyes widen when you settle on the floor next to him, his face a pink hue as he looks down at you. Still, he didn't move. Instead, he gently brushes some of your hair back, looking at you with confusion.

"Are you...what are you doing, love?"

You swallow thickly, blinking your eyes back open to look up at him pleadingly, face pink.

"...can I stay here? I- I'll explain if you want, I promise, just...please."

He chuckles, an intrigued little smile gracing his features as he looks down at you nods. "Go ahead, explain. You can stay here as long as you'd like, darling."

"I need..."

You start to speak before backing up your explanation, embarrassment showing in the way your speech jumps back and forth between thoughts.

"I've been exhausted, recently. I'm sleeping fine, I just...sometimes I need to- to relax a certain, uh- a certain way. And since we've been on the ship, I haven't been able to, uh..."

You squeeze your eyes shut with embarrassment, taking a deep breath and turning to press your face against his thigh to hide your blush.

"...subspace. I'm- I'm a sub. And I haven't been able to go into subspace for a while, and I know this is a lot to ask you and I'm sorry, I just- I need to be like this for a while, please."

Immediately, your behavior starts to make sense. It would be hard to be a sub on a crew like this, constantly having to fight and stay in control. You likely haven't had the chance to submit to anyone in ages, if only for safety reasons. After all, you're all wanted. But with the natural way you dropped to your knees below him, put your head on his thigh like second nature, it all clicks.

He looks at you for a moment and blinks, his expression unreadable.

"...I think I understand what you mean. You want to be good for me, yes? I don't mind that, you know. You're quite pretty like this." He gently drags the back of his hand across your face with a smile before adding, almost as an afterthought, "Sweet thing."

You shiver at his words and nod in confirmation, letting your head fall back to the side to rest against his thigh.

This is...it's the last thing he'd expect from you, really. You're so tough and capable and independent, so the fact that you're a sub? The more he thinks about it the more it makes him blush- that someone like you was even capable of submitting, let alone craved it, let alone again would come to him, pleading for him to let you kneel at his feet for a while as he works. He gently runs a hand along your back, the corner of his mouth twitching as he smirks.

"I want you to stay like this until you're satisfied, alright darling?" He smiles and takes a look back at the paperwork on the table "...Are you comfortable there?"

You nod, heart fluttering when he says he wants you to stay like this until you feel better. It's sweet and gentle and so very Sanji, but at the same time, it sounds almost like an instruction. Like a command. It makes your cheeks flush and your mind stop whirring for a second in a way you'd missed so badly from when friends or partners who knew about your submissiveness back on land would put you under. The comfort of not having to think of anything besides doing what you're told- being good, always being good. You'd missed this.

"I need you to relax for me, okay? Just...focus on enjoying yourself, yeah? I have to get this work done, so I'm counting on you to stay right here. Can you do that for me?"

You nod almost immediately and he grins at the obedience, going back to his work with a satisfaction mirrored in you.

Something to do. A task. Something to be good at, good enough to make him proud. It settles your mind as you lean your head against him, the slight twinge of pain from kneeling on the wooden floor grounding you pleasantly.

He could get used to this, he thinks- you sitting at his feet next to him like a puppy, one of his hands scratching through your hair absentmindedly as he works through his paperwork and supply numbers. He watches you out of the corner of his eye as he works, the sound of parchment paper a pleasant constant. Your breathing was also rather soothing, a nice background to his quiet humming as he writes. He feels as though he could listen to it all night and never grow tired of it.

He makes a mental note of how each different touch effects you- cataloging your reactions, what you like, what seems to make your mind dissolve. He finds a particular sweet spot behind your ears that leaves you a shivering puddle when he scratches softly with his nails, a spot at the crown of your head that makes you purr, that any light touch closer to your neck provokes a wobbly, ticklish smile but that you don't make any move to stop him. You seem completely zoned out, dazed and pliant and warm under his fingers.

A minute passes like that, then five, then ten. He looks back down to check on you and feels his heart stall in his chest.

"Oh, darling..." He whispers softly, blushing at the sight of you. Hazy and dazed with near-reverence in your eyes. He stops writing, setting down the pen and reaching down to lift your chin up, looking you directly in the eyes.

"Look at me. Please."

You perch your chin on his thigh obediently to look up at him from your position on the floor. It's the most relaxed he's ever seen you- shoulders dropped like a tremendous weight's been lifted from you, limbs like lead as doe eyes blink up at him blearily, expression glazed-over and vulnerable and soft, softer than he thought you were capable of.

You were a tremendous warrior, someone feared across the seas, and yet your head was on his thigh, sitting at his feet below him.

You, who could kill him in a fraction of a second if you wanted.

He sighs, a little breathless. He's so tempted to lean down and kiss you, but he shakes his head slowly. Not now, not yet. There's something else he needs to do first.

His hand runs through your hair as he looks into your eyes almost like a nurse would with a concussed patient, checking up on you to make sure you're okay.

"Can you speak? It doesn't have to be a lot, just...say something for me, love."

"C'n speak."

You answer softly, obedient nearly to a fault, your usually confident voice gone soft and mumbly. It's perfect. Christ, all of it is perfect.

"'verything's just kinda...fuzzy right now. 's okay, it's nice."

His eyes are glued to you as his hand gently runs through your hair, scratching behind your ear. There's something on his mind, something he can't quite place or figure out yet.

"You look so beautiful right now." He admits gently, his voice still a low whisper. "Can you tell me why- why you're like this?"

Well, wasn't that a hell of a question? Why are you - always that emphasis in your head, though he doesn't mean it like that - of all people, why are you?

A few moments pass before you say anything. You don't really know what you would say, not until it's already coming out of your mouth.

"...cause 'm not allowed to be."

It's the only answer you can think of when you can finally convince yourself to speak.

"I- I have to know everything. All the time. Be in charge and make the tough decisions and stay on top of everything and make sure everyone's okay-"

The words come slowly at first, but the longer you speak the quicker they spill out, rambling like it's something that's been festering for weeks that you desperately need to get off your chest.

You cut yourself off with a deep breath when you realize the breakneck speed with which you're ranting, simplifying your answer down to it's most basic terms.

"...I don't get to be weak."

He can't help but feel his breath catch at that reply. "I don't get to", like it's something you want but aren't allowed. He can so easily see that side of you now that you mentioned it, but he'd always just ignored it. It seemed inconsequential. Like that part just...wasn't you.

It strikes him then that that was probably on purpose, on your part. You wanted them to disregard it.

But the more he thinks about it, the more he recontectualizes all your stress, all the moments of you snapping at the crew over little slights, the more curious he gets as to how and why you got to be like this in the first place.

"There isn't anything weak about this." he pushes back sternly as soon as he can get his voice to work. "This is...this is the most courageous thing I could imagine. I'm so proud of you."

The words hit you like a brick and you close your eyes, taking a shaky breath as they play on repeat in your head.

"I'm so proud of you."

You can feel yourself crumbling at his affection, the voracity of his care. How adamant he is about understanding that sometimes you just needed to be below someone else.

He cups your cheek in his hand softly, angling your face to look up at him. The more you let your guard down, the warmer his chest feels looking at you. He'd never seen you open up this much, it makes his heart ache. He smiles at the sight of you looking up at him so prettily, lightly tapping the tip of your nose.

"...there you are."

The words are barely a whisper, full of pride and admiration and pleasant disbelief. It's a shame how much you try to prove your strength, your resilience when there isn't a reason for it.

You'd always been enough for him. Always been strong enough, tough enough, useful enough. Always, always, always.

You'd never needed to be anything more than who you were, and getting to see you like this...it's like he's seeing you for the first time all over again.

"It's an honor to finally meet you."

All you can manage is a soft huff of breath, his words knocking the breath from your lungs. It's almost a sob, except that there are no tears. You have no idea why. Or why you almost sobbed in the first place. Why are there no tears?

"It's an honor to finally meet you."

The words cut through you like water. He still wants you? Even like this- emotionally stunted, a needy mess, pathetic and fragile and shaking?

"The way you are right now is nothing short of beautiful. Everything about you is lovely. It's...it isn't easy letting go like this, is it?" He muses, a hand resting on your hair, his thumb running along your face.

You sniffle quietly and blink back tears, nodding your head. It's progress even getting you to agree.

He knows you aren't upset by his words and so your unshed tears don't bother him. Knows that you aren't used to this, aren't going to be good at believing or accepting it immediately. He knows it'll take time to get to a place where words like that don't phase you anymore. So for now, your agreement is more than enough.

"...can we stay here for a while? Please?"

You break through his train of thought with a cautious whisper, voice small. A surge of pride shoots through him at your words, so fucking proud. If agreeing with his words is difficult, asking for what you want is worse. It's a hell of a first step.

"Of course we can. How long do you want to be like this, sweetheart?"

Ah. And there's the problem, isn't it? The "what do you want?" Really and truly, you have no idea.

"I don't mind much, it's..."

You trail off softly, hiding your face against his thigh in embarrassment as your blush spreads to the tips of your ears.

"...'s however long you want me to stay. It...it helps, letting you decide things for me."

The admission is a shy one, but it's not like it's something he couldn't've seen coming. It makes sense that instructions and praise would go hand in hand to make someone like you feel safe, small, protected.

"...I don't want you to move, okay?" He finally decides, lifting his hand from your hair to brush it behind your ear, fingernails scratching gently.

"Just let me take care of you for a while."

You take a deep breath at his words like the air's cleared for the first time in decades, finally having something to ground yourself on.

He makes a note of that in his head, too- you like a sense of order, when he makes decisions for you or gives you instructions to follow. Something simple that you can focus on even in your dazed, vulnerable state of mind, a task you can accomplish.

His hand continues to run through your hair gently, thumb making little figure 8's at the crown of your head.

"Do you want me to hold you? Or do you prefer being on your knees?"

He doesn't look at you when he asks, pen scratching away at his charts with his eyes on the table. Somehow, that helps- the idea that he's still working, that you're not too inconvenient of a distraction.

The simple choice you're given between two options makes everything feel easy and calm and hazy, and your voice is quiet when you answer.

"On- on my knees. Makes me feel more- more..."

You trail off, trying to explain but unable to find the words.

"More vulnerable." He finishes for you, smiling as it finally clicks. A position of submission, giving up your power to him.

Undoubtably, you're more vulnerable on your knees. You'd typically never let anyone near you in this state, not since you joined the strawhats, but with him, it feels...safe.

"I like it too." He admits, his hand still on you as his voice slowly trails off.

Your features smooth out in relief at his understanding and you nod, leaning into him and nuzzling his thigh for a moment to show your appreciation.

He has to look away for a moment, as seeing you nuzzle against him triggers an almost visceral reaction he wasn't expecting. His face flushes a bit more, a small smile brightening face as he leans in his chair, his expression adoring as he looks down at you. He reaches out for your ear, scratching gently at it with his fingernail.

You're so soft like this he swears he might fall in love.

"...can we do this more often, when you want to relax?"

Your eyes widen with a surprised blush at all the question as your brain shorts out for a moment.

He really...he's really willing to make this a regular thing? He isn't just doing this to humor you? It seems almost impossible to believe that this isn't some kind of weird burden you'd pushed onto him.

"...yeah. I'd- 'd like that."

You mumble breathlessly, clearing your throat as you look down.

He's already looking for another command, a simple task he can praise you for. Something about telling you what to do - you, who could slit his throat in an instant - he's quickly figuring out that he likes it. Quite a bit, actually.

He thinks back to the little things he's noticed about you- you prefer standing with your back to walls, facing the exit of whatever room you're in. You can only fall asleep when someone else on the crew is still awake. You're always chewing toothpicks, sucking on the end of your pen-

Wait.

Do you have an- could he- maybe...?

He hums in thought, grin spreading wider as he looks down at you once more. Gently, he lifts your chin so you're looking directly at him.

"Open your mouth," He instructs softly, almost in a whisper. Curious.

A soft blush blossoms across your ears but other than that you don't question it, far enough into subspace that all that matters is following instructions, being good. You don't even think before parting your lips obediently, looking up at him with those pretty doe eyes. Like he hung the moon and the stars in the sky.

Bingo.

It was an oral fixation, your constant need to suck on a toothpick or the end of your pen. He couldn't fully understand, but he could relate- he always felt safer with a cigarette in his mouth.

He gently pushes his thumb in your mouth, taking a deep breath as he waits for your reaction to the audacious move. You wanted him to make you feel small, safe, vulnerable. He's more than happy to do that for you.

At your service, now and always.

Your blush spreads out to your cheeks and your eyes widen a fraction in surprise, but as soon as you manage to process that he really just did that, you close your lips gently around his thumb, eyes glazing over as you look up at him for approval.

You're so beautiful when you're like this, all raw and vulnerable and desperate to be good. He hums, eyes glued to you with a loving gaze as he takes in just how stunning you are in this moment.

"Submission suits you." He praises softly, his voice almost a whisper. "You're so...so sweet like this. So lovely when you don't think so much, puppy."

The last word is meant jokingly, gently poking fun at the way you're kneeling next to him, head on his thigh. Your reaction, though...that throws him. The way you squeeze your eyes closed and your blush darkens to a pure pink when he calls you "puppy", the way he can feel you whine around his thumb at the term as you melt, shoulders slumping- and that's certainly interesting, isn't it?

"Aww, puppy likes that, doesn't she?"

He can't help but smile as he takes his thumb out of your mouth for a moment before pushing two fingers in instead. Your cheeks flush when he does so, those puppy dog eyes glancing back at him with so much emotion it's almost overwhelming. The name is fitting, he supposes.

You flush further with embarrassment, though you know it makes no logical sense. Your mind doesn't seem to want to quiet itself, echoing judgements of your current position- weak, needy, pathetic. The shy feeling of poorly restrained shame claws up your chest even as you try to dismiss it. You shouldn't feel so embarrassed by this- Sanji clearly isn't bothered by it, doesn't think it's odd, hell, if anything he seems like he's enjoying himself. Yet you, brain all tied up in knots, can't seem to look at him.

So instead you try to focus on other things, like the comforting contrast of the warmth from his fingers and the cool metal of his ring pressing down softly on your tongue.

He can sense the embarrassment from you, though he can't understand it. He'd seen you at your worst, and this certainly wasn't it.

"...there's nothing wrong with allowing someone to take care of you, you know. I actually quite like seeing you like this." He says, the words falling out of his mouth before he even thinks.

Almost as if they'd been waiting to come out this whole time.

His reassurance only makes your blush intensify, but this time it's not bad.

It isn't shame, not really. It's more pleasantly flustering. If embarrassment were a spectrum, this...feeling would fall on the 'good' end of it.

Sensing it's a vulnerable topic, he lets the reassurance hang, not giving you enough time to think about it before changing the subject with a fond, knowing chuckle.

"You like the ring, don't you?"

He doesn't say, 'it gives you something to focus on so your mind doesn't wander too far' or 'the temperature brings you back down and grounds you here away from those nasty thoughts', but you both know that's what it is.

There's something warm in the way he so nonchalantly reveals that he's been cataloging every little detail of your reactions- the spot behind your ears, the fact you like being called 'puppy', and now the fact that you like the feeling of his ring pressing down on your tongue. Your mind is in enough of a submissive haze that you can't bring yourself to lie to him, instead nodding your head in agreement.

A small, fond smile graces his lips as his thumb moves up to your lower lip, gently prodding at your chin to bring your attention back to him.

"You can take breaks if you want. I know the ring's cold."

His voice is a warm, intimate whisper, eyes watching every movement you make, every twitch and hum catalogued in his mind.

The care in it makes your heart feel warm and you keep his fingers where they are, nipping lightly at him for a moment as if to let him know without words that you're enjoying this, that you don't need a break. It's so fucking cute his heart melts.

He can't help himself any more, pulling his fingers from your mouth. You nearly whine at the loss but then - then, oh, then - he presses a small, soft kiss to your lips and the whole world falls apart, his lips pressed tenderly to you as if you're something so much more than the sum of your parts. Your mind works on overdrive- it's such pure affection and approval and he kissed you, so that means you must've been good, right? That he was proud?

Little do you know, he's just as in awe as you are. In awe that you're really here with him, like this. That you'd ever let him do this. Everything about you is special to him, special because it's yours. Just like your eyes, the sound of your voice, the heart beating erratically in your chest. Before he can think about it he's pulling his ring off his finger, wiping the remains of your spit from it, and sliding it gently on your ring finger.

You cock your head up at him and squint in confusion and he smiles, voice soft like he's afraid anything stronger than a whisper would break the moment he's worked so hard for.

"Keep it, puppy. Then, next time you...need my help like this, you can give it back to me. Yeah?"

He punctuates his words by lifting your hand up like it's precious, placing a feather-light kiss to your knuckles.

The promise sparks a warmth in your chest, the casual mention of "next time" like there's no doubt at all in his mind that there will be a next time, the way he touches you like you're fragile, stares at you with pink cheeks and blown eyes like you're the sun and the moon and all the pinpoints in the night sky.

You should've jumped overboard when you had the chance, you think, because you've ended up drowning either way.

Eventually you can convince your muscles to work enough to nod, face blooming in fireworks of pink and orange and red as your words come back to you, though your voice is still small and hazy and breathless.

"...yeah, okay. Next time."

#vinsmoke sanji #sanji x reader #opla sanji #opla sanji x reader #opla #opla x reader #sanji x you #opla Sanji x you #opla x you #one piece #one piece live action #one piece x reader #one piece x you #opla x y/n #opla sanji x y/n #sanji x y/n

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annabelle--cane · 7 months

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I guess the thing that makes me not so fond of Jon's addiction allegory is that it's only coherent to a certain extent? Like I think people sometimes forget that he's actively violating these people

anon, through no fault of your own you have accidentally hit upon my sleeper agent trigger phrase. I have layers of answers to this.

so first off, yeah, it's not a 1:1 direct metaphor, it's a soupy dream logic fantasy plot device with flavors of a lot of different things. there's quite a lot of addiction in there, there's some abuse of power, there's some cyclical nature of trauma, there's a dash of disability, there's a few notes of gendered violence, there's a good bit of just. violence violence and being kind of a motherfucker because goddammit it feels good to be an active agent about something in your life, even if it's just choosing to be a worse version of yourself than you strictly need to be. a lot of tma's worldbuilding is very allegorical, but apart from aspects of individual statements nothing really matches up quite 1:1 with a real world counterpart, and if more things did then it probably wouldn't be a fantasy show anymore.

secondly. okay to contextualize this answer a little bit I have a kind of hypothetical video essay project about vampirism and addiction that I like to spend a few hours thinking about every so often but am almost certainly never going to make because the full research burden required is a lot higher than I actually have the time to properly do. but because of that I've spent a lot of time sorting through why framing vampires as addicts really works for me in a way that it doesn't seem to for everyone, and I think a lot of my thoughts on that also apply to jon. there's going to be a bit of a detour here before we get back to talking about tma, but we'll get there, I prommy.

I've seen a lot of people take issue with various paranormal addiction allegories because, a lot of the time, the act that is meant to metaphorically represent the act of use itself is something that is directly and inherently harmful to others, e.g. drinking human blood, handing over power to your hedonistic Evil alter ego, holding the cursed amulet and going crazy going stupid, slurping trauma out of the head of some guy you ran into on a boat to norway, etc., and yeah, I do get that. substance use is not inherently harmful like that to anyone except sometimes the user themself, and addicts are not inherently fucked up and destructive people; those are dangerous stereotypes that often lead to the demonizing of a whole group of sick people.

here's the thing for me, though: those are definitely truths I want explored and represented when it comes to portrayals of non-allegorical actual addicts, but fantasy fiction isn't for showing the world as it is, it's for showing a subjective fun house mirror version of reality where certain aspects are minimized and magnified depending on how it feels to live through it. and yes, absolutely in real life drug use is not an inherently evil act and it does not make you an inherently evil person, but... doesn't it kind of feel like that? sort of? absolutely no one is living their best life nor on their best behavior while experiencing any kind of major mental illness episode, and when it comes to addiction you've got a very clear tangible symbol of when The Episode is happening that it feels like you have much more control over than when it comes to other illnesses. it's also a thing where people are a lot more likely to be openly angry and distrustful of you if they find out it's happening. so you mix together the ideas of "I know I get worse as a result of doing this one specific thing" + "I act less like myself when I'm using, it rearranges my priorities and I care less about hurting people because that's what happens when you're experiencing The Horrors" + "society at large/people directly around me are pretty quick to say that doing this is evil," and you get the subjective emotional result of "I hurt people by using and it makes me monstrous." I tend to respond to those kinds of paranormal allegories like they're just cutting out the middle man of those subjective fears. "using makes me monstrous" -> "using is monstrous."

anyway. jon archivist.

don't get me wrong, I totally understand if this aspect of metaphor doesn't gel for some people and they only like taking it exactly as far as the text explicitly makes them, but I really get a lot out of reading jon's connection to the fears as addiction precisely because he does genuinely awful things to people as a result of it. he's a person in a very bad physical and mental place with little to no support who is constantly being told by both allies and enemies that he's already a monster just by being alive, and he copes with that by secretly falling further and further into an compulsive act of consumption that skews his priorities and makes him care less about hurting people because at least sometimes getting to be the cause of pain makes him feel a little bit less powerless when he has to be the subject of pain the rest of the time. then he's found out and is made to stop, and he has to grapple not just with the physical toll of withdrawal but with knowing there is a not insignificant part of him that will excuse any act of malice if he knows he'll feel better afterwards.

the end of tma is very explicit in the fact that the rules of its world are shaped by the subjective worst fears of those who live in it, it's "an exercise in unreliably reality" as jonny sims put it once, and I think that principle extends backwards in some ways to apply to the rest of the show. I don't think the fact that there are only entities of fear and not hope or love is meant to be a full commentary on the total nature of the real world, it's a reflection of what fear and suffering can make the world feel like. eric and melanie both go to really harsh extremes to extricate themselves from the fears and live peaceful lives, and in both cases something happens that foils their plans (getting murdered + the apocalypse, respectively), but I don't think the intended message is to say that is definitively how real life works, they are metaphors for the limits of individual agency in larger systems and represent two types of worst-case-scenarios. similarly, I don't think reading jon as an addict implies that addiction inherently involves violence or that the reactions of those around him were completely unjustified, it's just a subjective exploration of the kinds of fears that can come with addiction dialed up to 100.

#also to be clear after the first paragraph I'm using 'you' in a general sense not directly to You The Anon Who Sent This #I'm not trying to insinuate anything about whether You The Anon Who Sent This does or doesn't have any experience w substance use #tma #answered #anons

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