#we all need to make more place to celebrate aro and ace people

[pickled-flowers]

When I say I love weird queers I'm especially talking about Aro or Ace people with ideal lives you can't relate to 💖

#shoutout to the grumpy aro who dont like people #shoutout to the ace who skip through sex scenes #shoutout to aro who date a lot! shoutout to aro who are a little mean and cold! #shoutout to the ace who love to feel sexy without ever wanting sex with someone! #love yall a lot #we all need to make more place to celebrate aro and ace people #we are not missing out #our lives are fulfilling and beautiful

[aspecduality]

This very first Aromantic Visibility day as well as this and every future pride month: alloromantic people (non aromantic/arospec people) please please please don't just say "aros you all are valid and welcomed here!"

That is only the first of many steps but too often that's all I see done for aros. (For aces it's slowly changing to be a bit more) but a lot of people still think the A in LGBTQIA+ only stands for asexual (or worse, they think it stands for Ally, when it actually stands for Asexual, Aromantic, and Agender).

Saying we're valid isn't enough. You need to listen to us, both about the struggles and joys that we face and not assert that you know our experiences, lives, and feelings better than us.

Our experiences are not the same of course. They will be very different, varried, and you may not "get" them all. But the same can be said for our other human kin. You need not be able to personally relate to us to listen well and support us in both joy and sorrow.

To be happy for us and celebrate when something happens in our lives that is positive. To not treat getting a pet as us being sad and lonely and trying to make up for a lack of a romantic partner, to see us getting a place for ourselves to willingly and happily live alone and celebrate us being able to decorate it just how we'd like and get alone time when we want it. To not see someone single and try and push us into dating or someone else to date us when we don't want to because you, personally would be sad without experiencing romance.

Listen and help us fight the causes of our suffering and discrimination. When we say something systematic is harming us don't just say how the solution to affordable housing and better tax benefits would be to just get a significant other/get married, help us change how we as a society operate. Listen to us feeling invisible, unrepresented, and alone due to how society shoves down our throats that not feeling love makes you an evil monster and how you must find someone you love in order to be happy and feel whole. Help us get more information, knowledge, and understanding about aromanticism out into the world to help current aros not feel so unsupported and estranged or even unsafe around the LGBTQIA+ community as well as aid questioning folk who may be aro realize sooner that unlike how everything in society tells us, there is nothing wrong or broken about them and there is a whole life full of wonderful things and cool experiences waiting for them.

[Please DO NOT tag this post or refer to it as Asexual or derail the post to be about asexuality (or anything else). Aros and aces have a lot of experiences in common but this post is being made on Aromantic Visibility day and is meant to be about Aromantics specifically.

Of course, intersectionality is ok, such as being AroAce and how these subjects tie into each other and people's experiences with Atomanticism tied into other aspects of their lives]

#aromantic visibility day #aromantic #actually aromantic #lgbtqia+ #queer #my posts

[morepopcornplease]

I'm Aro Ace and... Pride month tires me. As much as EVERYONE needs more rep - I'm not denying that - it feels like Aros and Aces are kind of the "Also Rans". The "You can tag along too, I guess" the "Here are all my head canons!" with them tucked away, forgotten, or given to unpopular characters. How rainbows contrast with our, much quieter, flags. How Pride is all "Celebrate with your SO! Let's be PROUD of our love! That includes self love for Trans people!" and then you have the spectrum of Aros and Aces going "Broadly speaking, this love is love doesn't really apply to me." About how Love/sex is how you show non human creatures discovering humanity. How QPR's have been taken as a, like, romance lite relationship instead of our own things. How since it's an absence every character who shows aro or ace qualities gets revealed as a different surprise queer person later and we lose someone. Aloy from Horizon being the most recent. I'm happy for the lesbians but... she was aro and ace and then she wasn't. How I say my aro and ace headcanons that "break up" popular non canon ships and people block me over it as they declare how everything must be queer. I'm... tired. I don't wish ill on anyone, but I'm tired of being left behind. Of feeling like Pride doesn't apply to me. How I can "pass" as straight but that won't change the fact that society is built around having a partner and how my family and friends are going to leave me, someday, to be with others they love. How my best friend is straight and I think she's hiding when/if she dates for fear of hurting me and I worry about when she will leave too. I make so few friends, I can't lose her too. I'm just... so so tired. This month with everyone being loud and proud... it doesn't apply to me. to us. Love is Love doesn't apply to us. All we got are a few jokes about cake that people use in a "See, we care too!" way and shows aimed at little kids.

Oh gosh nonnie, I’m so sorry

I totally get the feeling of being left behind…

forgotten queer communities 🤝 side b

The inner dynamics of the LGBTQA+ community is such that everyone needs to actively carve out their space…

With that said, I’ve got an axe and a chainsaw and cute lil woodcarving tools, and a butch willingness to help.

So, how can I carve out a space for you today?

Because there’s a place for you here, too.

🧡💛🤍🩵💙

#popcorn replies #side b #gay as the rainbow over noahs ark #aro #ace #aroace

[kawaiichibiart]

Valentines Day Ship HC part 6, the aroace group <3

(Sorry this wasn't done yesterday, but I've been feeling sick and I crashed after making WxS's shipping post （´〃｀＊))

Reminder: Mafuyu is aroace, Kanade is demi, Ena is a gray aro/ace, Mizuki is aroace spec. Kanade and Mafuyu have an unlabeled relationship, Mizuki and Ena have a romantic relationship, and I can't remember if I mentioned it in Leo/need's ship HC post, but Kanade and Honami are in a QPR.

Mizuki goes all out for Valentines day

Mafuyu never really celebrated it. Sure, they receive valentines cards and chocolates and whatnot, but they were never one to celebrate it.

Ena takes limited time commissions where people can ask her to paint their loved one. She opens them sometime in the fall so everyone can have theirs by Valentine's day.

Kanade and Mafuyu like going out to new places. It gets Kanade out of the house and it helps Mafuyu find things they enjoy, even if they can't put their feelings of joy into words.

Mizuki once took Ena on an art date. They bought the materials and had it so they could enjoy lunch together and then paint together. No pressure to do anything good, they didn't have to keep the paintings, she just wants to enjoy something Ena loves and felt that this was the best way possible.

They keep each others paintings <3

Ena knows her brother's adoptive family would have accepted her in a heartbeat, but she honestly just wanted to be away from everyone in her family, so she stays with Mizuki. She does, however, call her brother once in a while to see how he is.

Kanade hates visiting her father on Valentines day. Her memories of them are foggy, but she remembers when her parents would leave her at her grandparents house so they could go on a date. She'd remember them coming home, happy and full of laughter. Now her mother is gone and her father...well, he's either not awake, or he is awake and he's telling her about his plans for the evening.

Mafuyu asks Emu to help them make something for Kanade. You can imagine how well that goes (Kanade, holding an extremely sparkly, sprinkle covered, cake: ._. Mafuyu: We didn't realize the lids weren't on right, we were more focused on making sure the cake was good. Kanade:...would you like to have some with me? You should try what you and Emu made.)

Mizuki finds out about the cake and tells them it was a classic Kamishiro Case (Mizuki: My friend, Rui- Ena: The weirdo my brother talks about? Mizuki: Yes, anyways. My friend, Rui, has somewhat of a gift and curse when it comes to food. Kanade: What is it? Mizuki: He's an amazing chef, pretty great baker. Mafuyu: Is that his gift? Mizuki: And his curse. Kanade, Ena, and Mafuyu:.... Mizuki: The Kamishiro Case as Nene and I have come to call it. One day, everything goes well. He makes a pie? Best pie you'll ever have. Next time he tries to make the same pie, disaster. Awful. How is the man a man of the kitchen?)

Much like during Pride Month, Mizuki insists the four of them go to PXL on Valentines day. They even convince the other 3 to wear matching outfits with her.

Kanade enjoys sharing things Honami has made for her with the rest of Nightcord.

Mizuki once asks Miku while 25ji was in the Empty SEKAI if she or any of the other VS could enter a relationship with each other. Miku didn't say anything, she just looked at Rin with a small smile before turning her gaze to MEIKO and Luka.

Needless to say, Mizuki is determined now to see if that was a "yeah, there are probably two more couples here" or not.

#project sekai #hatsune miku colorful stage #project sekai colorful stage #proseka #prosekai #colorful stage #yoisaki kanade #kanade yoisaki #asahina mafuyu #mafuyu asahina #shinonome ena #ena shinonome #akiyama mizuki #mizuki akiyama #mafukana #kanamafu #mizuena #25ji #nightcord @ 25:00 #25 ji nightcord de #n25

[a-romantic--aromantic]

Hi there! I was reading your post for the aro-picnic at pride (sorry I’m sure how else to refer to the post) and wanted to tell you that I think that sounds like such an amazing idea! You’d be making a safe place and slacking conversation that has never happened at pride. I went to two large pride celebrations this year in two different cities in the US and I was the only one I saw sporting anything to do with being aro-spec. And including the other a-spec identities is even better because we’re all a safe place for each other. Honestly, if I would’ve seen a booth like what you’re imagining at a pride event that I went to the I probably would’ve felt so much safer and freer to be myself. A-specs deserve pride just as much as everyone. I’m so sorry someone was treating you like that in the comments section , that was so uncalled for by them. After reading that I just wanted to reach out and tell you how much hope you inspired in me for future pride events. The aspec community is only growing and I have every confidence that wonderful people like you can help us achieve the recognition, celebration , and visibility that we deserve. You’re doing great! I believe in you and your projects!

hdjdkdhjd thank you so much. yeah the idea is in the works, and im lucky enough that an aspec organization walks in the parade every year- but thats not sensory friendly for me and doesnt have resources really for actually teaching people or meeting other people like you? im hoping that i can have little info sheets and a physical aspec + aplatonic pride flag, since i know that no one really has gotten to see that irl. i think itd be really cool.

in case youre curious, heres a rough draft of what a tabling would look like.

[ID: a concept sketch of the setup of a table at a festival. it includes various aro, aplatonic, and ace flags, as well as the new aspec flag. it shows placement of rings, stickers, keychains, ribbon, chairs, and flags. There is text to represent signs. 1. What do black and white rings represent? 2. Aspec symbols and what they mean 3. About the artists. /END ID]

and a picnic draft (which i will get approval for but yes, you can just hang out with your friends on the lawn at the festival and do crafts 🙄 )

[ID: a concept sketch of the setup of some items and 3 people sitting on a blanket. it shows placement of ribbons, stickers, and beads. off to the side there is text that reads “literally just pride flags stitched together” with a small sketch of 9 aro flags sewn into a grid, with an arrow pointed towards the blanket. /END ID]

im ngl i dont care much about including aces but i do LOVE @untitled-google-docs-document flag (featured in the table image!!!) enough that it is genuinely one of my reasons for considering expanding it to aspec in general instead of my original Aro Vision. the other one being I Want To Support Aplatonics And Rep Apls So Bad.

i hope this feeds your curiosity and excitement for me maybe doing this idea. i’m still in planning stages and reaching out to the event coordinators about if a meetup with friends/other aros like this would be okay, and figuring out the requirements to apply for a table. it appears i just need to fill out an application Dec. 1st (or after) but I’m still just waiting to hear back. This has been living in my brain for years as the picnic concept, but im starting to think that a table may be more fun/useful.

i dont plan on partnering with aurea, other than to perhaps add it to their calendar, though i may reach out to taaap as they are located in dc and march in the parade. im not sure yet because a big part of this is just doing crafts and getting aros together, and i dont particularly know if i want a big organization like that involved, and im hesitant after knowing some of their volunteers from when i was first building this community.

there are some local aspec groups and groups at the colleges nearby, and some people ive known outside of that, who may be willing to work together as a “group” if we need to to qualify for a table. mostly for that one i care about cost. i want these crafts and merch to be free because i dont have the ability to go sell and it feels wrong, but donations to make this possible/ to donate to taaap or aurea may be accepted? but mostly im just doing this because i want to.

i hope that getting to see more is exciting for you like it is for me! i cant wait to actually make it happen.

#logistics #yk? #the last post was just for idea sharing #this is more of whats actually going on with it #and thanks for your message it meant a lot #i just? i was sharing it because i was excited and it was shot down by someone in under an hour #treat me like im not already in content with them smh #hey bees #whatd you ask? #they speak #rambles

[steviecrowdude]

I hate that real problems get like. Fandomized on here.

Like someone'll say "hey this is a trend and problem ive noticed that affects queer people" and everyone will jump in and go on about how people treat fictional characters

Lik yes, treatment of fictional characters can sometimes indicate like. Real life behavior, but like. Do we have to make every issue fandom?

Aspec issues are constantly boiled down to or displayed or directed toward "how are characters treated" or "this type of representation" and honestly? Why??

Why cant we talk about real people?

Some examples i see are like. People talking about getting infantilized or bullied in real life for being aspec, or feeling alien and isolated, and somehow the conversation will turn to people passionately talking about how fandom treats aspec characters.

Like i get it, i want aspec characters who are treated normally, who are respected, or who are written well and aren't just "the aro/ace character" actually it'd be nice to have a large amount of different aspec identities represented, and i want to be able to celebrate and enjoy them

But does every conversation need to turn to fandom?

Also i mentioned that this is a queer issue in the beginning, and i said that because the aspec tags arent the only place im seeing this, its just the one i see it in the most, and it really does happen in a lot of queer and really any marginalized conversations on here.

Idk im just rambling, its something ive noticed happen and i guess im not too surprised or all that upset (im more peeved and miffed if anything) because this is the fandom website. We're all thinking about our blorbos or whatever here.

#crowdude rambles #this is probably only like half a thought

[dontneedadispenser]

Hey y'all! We're back again with another dontneedadispenser hosted themed prompt week. I will be hosting a TF2 Pride Week at the beginning of Pride Month from May 31st - June 6th, 2021. We will be using the hashtag #dnadprideweek2021. This is a celebration of all LGBTQA+ identities! OCs & Self-inserts are encouraged and welcome!

Special thanks to @fuckyeahscienceparty / @sodafrog13 , @queen-anarchy-666 , @allthepandasintheworld , @squipdop, and @sodazombie for their collective help with spot art and designing the event.

More info under the cut! Please take a look.

All types of content creators are welcome! Same as last time.

PROMPTS:

Monday (May 31st) - Flags

Tuesday (June 1st) - Family / Friends

Wednesday (June 2nd) - Colors

Thursday (June 3rd) - Fashion

Friday (June 4th) - Self / Euphoria

Saturday (June 5th) - Parade / Celebration

Sunday (June 6th) - PRIDE / FREE SPACE

The prompts are not required! You can submit anything so long as it is pride oriented on any day to the tag. The prompts are a suggestion and meant to inspire. We also chose them with happier ideas in mind to cut down on angst. Angst isn't banned from the event, but we want it to be a celebration and a positive thing!

OCs / Self-inserts are encouraged! I will be reblogging OC and self insert content as I did last time. So feel free to draw your oc in their pride outfit!

All ships are also welcome! *Although ships and content that are problematic run the inherent risk of not being reblogged / circulated. You know what ships these are.

The A stands for Ace! Ace/Aro people are welcome to participate in this event.

This is a SFW event. This is to keep the tag easy and safe to navigate for minors. If you make something and did not remember this, you can tag me @dontneedansfw and I'll circulate it there.

On each day, tag your posts with #dnadprideweek2021 and state the day if you're submitting for a specific prompt. You do NOT need to worry about being late for a day. I will continue to reblog content well after the "deadline". Please also feel zero pressure to make something for every day!

This event is also being hosted on Twitter! Feel free to use the same hashtag or send the tweets to my twitter @dontneedatf2.

If you have any questions, you can reach out to either of my tf2 social medias or join the dontneedadiscord server. We have a channel dedicated to talking about the event / answering questions (not to mention a great place to talk tf2 and share content!).

I hope everyone gets a chance to participate, even if only for a day. Have fun and hope to see you this pride month!

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 event #tf2 pride #pride #prompt week #dnadprideweek2021 #dnadevents

[darkstarnight02]

Why the Akuma Class Doesn’t Trusts Lila Rossi

Nino

This dude is a loyal friend

Like, he’s also a loyal boyfriend, so it’s hard when his girlfriend is siding with Lila

But he’s the one who’s like

“Dudes, we’ve known Mari for years there’s no way she would do the stuff this new girl we’ve known for five minutes says she did.”

He and Kim and Mari were besties since preschool, I think we all know that.  

Adrien

I hate it when people say he tries to defend her with the high road crap

When he sees her hurting people, especially Marinette

Because lets be honest, he cares about her alot

He’s less forgiven

Like do y’all remember the “BeCaUsE We’Re FrIeNdS, aReN’t We?”

So he’s not going to try and make her life miserable

But he is going to try to get her to stop

Chloé

Let’s be honest, she never liked Lila in the first place.  

So Imma give y’all bonus “how she figured out everyone’s identities”

So once she became friends with Marinette

Cause they formed a “we hate Lie-la” alliance

(tho since Mari’s still friends with the others its kinda awkward)

Chloe’s pretty smart.  

Like, she totally could have figured it out before they became friends

But she would never have believed back then that Mari-trash was Ladybug, her idol (and lesbian awakening, lesbihonest)

But now that she’s friends with her, it’s way too obvious

And she definitely already knew about Adrien because these guys are besties

And, dudes, she never had a crush on him, she was just an overprotective best friend

And a very touchy one

To her, it’s all pretty obvious.  

She thinks that its just whatever magic thats blinding everyone of the obvious, its immune to (like low-key Rachel Dare here)

But Sabine, Tom, and Jagged probably know to because they’re all Kings and Queens.  

So Chloe figures everyone out pretty quickly.  

Sabrina

She trust Chloe more than anyone.  

But I’m not just gonna use that because its kinda boring.  

Tho Chloe is her bi crush so that definitely helps secure loyalties

Its only when Marinette becomes MDC that she realizes

and yes, Sabrina probably knows because Chloe and she also recognizes the designs from some stuff she has in her own closet.  

So anyway, she realizes Mari is MDC and she’s some famous designer and Lila is not

And Mari also knows Jagged and Clara and a whole bunch of other famous people

And she never brags about it but there’s proof that she knows them

while Lila always brags about it but she’s never been mentioned and no one knows her.  

Alya

I hate it when people say she totally sides with Lila.  

This girl knows that her bestie never lies(or at least thinks)

and some things with Lila don’t add up.  

Like she doesn’t check directly if what Lila says is true

But she’ll be doing research for something else and see’s that it contradicts something that Lila said.  

So she’ll do more research and try to figure more stuff out

And she’s like holy f*ck nothing Lila says is true.

Or, alternatively, for those of you who have watched season 4

She immediately realizes Lila’s a liar right after Marinette tells her she’s Ladybug.  

Marinette

No explanation needed.  

Mylène

Mylene notices when Lila insults one of her classmates one day.  

Even if its subtle, or just piping on the edge of her blaming Marinette for something, she notices it.  

And a good person wouldn’t say something like that,  

Like Chloe, they all expect something like that from

No one every really liked Chloe in the first place

And Mari never says anything rude

Sure, she gets angry at Chloe and Lila sometimes, and she tries to prove what they say is wrong, but she never directly attacks someone.  

I don’t know who Lila was being a bitch to this time, but it cost her a follower.  

Alix

This girl is probably one of the most Gen Z kids in the Akuma Class, which is pretty sad because they’re all supposed to be Gen Z. 

She can smell bullcrap from a mile away

Not to mention the little hints older Bunnyx drops whenever she visits.  

With the mix of her being the future miraculous holder of time and being the daughter of a historian, she’s very aware of history and timelines and cause and effects and chain reactions

So when Marinette starts ‘acting up’ she tries to find when her personality switched over

And even if she seems more like a background character, this aro/ace queen always seems to know your secrets. 

So even before she knew Lila was a phony, she knew that Mari was MDC and that Jagged Stone was Juleka and Luka’s dad

So she definitely figured some stuff out that way

Honestly, next to Chloe, Alix was probably one of the first people to figgure out Mari’s identity.  

She’s a detective to rival batman

Ivan

I think Lila would make some sort of rift between him and Mylene.  

He loves her so much and it would be so hard

And mari and her friends would help him out

and he would see the truth

They wouldn’t like break up or anything

But he can just tell immediately when someone’s being a bad person.  

Kim

Probably something similar to Nino

But I think it’d be a bit more like he’s totally a die-hard fan of some of Marinette’s connections or some of Marinette’s work itself

And when he puts the pieces together its like everything makes sense in the world.  

He really feels super stupid afterwards.  

Ondine probably slaps him for not trusting his childhood best friend before some bitchy new girl.  

Max

This is the smartest dude in class

He made a f*cking robot with emotions you can’t tell me he doesn’t figure Lila out.  

A part of me believes that in the first episode with Lila when they were all waiting on her hand and foot they were probably aware that she was kind of delusional, but were giving into it the way you give into the tales of a six year old.  

Like ‘yeah, okay sweetie.  Sure’.  

I mean, at least that’s why Max went along with the napkin thing, because there’s no other excuse for that whole incident.  

Nathaniel

I don’t totally know how he figured her out, but I love the idea of her saying that she can introduce him to the creator of the Ladybug Comics.  

They actually sit next to each other in class, so he definitely is more aware of her weird behavior than others.

And since he’s an artist he’s very observant, always noticing things like her facial expressions and what seems more exaggerated than real.  

And we all know how kwami-damned done Nathaniel is with the class, so he probably knew all along.  

Not to mention that since the rest of the school is less submissive to Lila’s lies, Marc probably pointed it out to him at some point.  

There’s also the idea that since Nathaniel is pretty much never mentioned anymore, the class forgets about him and he ends up having to spend some time with Marinette and the other outcasts

In which he realizes that they are actually good people.  

Honestly, Nathaniel probably knew all along but he’s just not a drama queen about it so Lila never bothered him.  

Rose

Girls besties with Prince Ali, one of the key components of Lila’s lies

She definitely does not want to believe that someone is capable of so much evil, and she definitely gets Akumatized when she figures it out

She goes through a lot of denial but is eventually convinced.  

Juleka

Her dad is Jagged Stone, also another key component of Lila’s lies.  

After becoming Tigris Pourpre, the holder of the tiger miraculous (that’s canon in the future), she gets a little bit more invested in cat culture

And omfg I just realized that both of our models are kittens and I just wanna DIE because that’s so cute.  

And honestly now that I’m thinking about it if she was a celebrity she would totally take after Jagged and have an emotional support tiger like Princess Jasmine. 

ANYWAY, I���m kinda getting off topic here.  

So she asks Jagged about his cat, and he’s like 

“wtf I’ve never had a cat why would I have a cat I have FANG my CROCODILE”

And she’s like but your cat...

And he’s like “Jules, darling, I wrote a song about how I replaced my family with a guitar and I have three instagrams for Fang, why would I have a feline animal?”

And she’s just like

....

And honestly she probably already knew some sh*t was up before that

Because Luka obviously, despite only having met Lila, like, once, probably, dislikes Lila severely

And also Juleka is more of an observer than a do-er so she probably saw that some stuff was up.  

#Lila Rossi #Lila Rosi's Lies #Akuma Class #couffaine twins #Kim and Mari and Nino are Childhood Besties #I hate bashing just shut up everyone except Lila and Hawkmoth is awesom

[nonbinaryresource]

hi. i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work? i’m trans and when i listened to this artist’s work (harry styles - she & fine line) i connected with the songs immediately? i found a lot of people in the community who too connected to the songs and interpreted the lyrics as a struggle with one’s gender identity. at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong, but then after reading master posts i discovered that he constantly portrays gender in his work (using the trans flag on his album cover; being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.) and now i’m really confused. it feels comforting as a fan to relate to him and i, and a lot of other fans from the community, sometimes refer to him with he/she/they instead of he/him (he never said his pronouns are he/him). is that wrong? every time my (trans) friends and i refer to him with pronouns other than he/him or tell people not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that, other (usually cis. a trans fan called me transphobic and told me to stop seeking validation from cis white men.) fans will start calling us transphobic and delusional and attacking us to the point we had anxiety attacks over it? i’m just really confused right now. i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong. i’m not out to anyone irl and sometimes i wish people caught on to the little things i do and recognise that i am part of the community. i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

he has previously said that there are no lines between what's masculine and what's feminine for him anymore. i'm sorry this is so long and thank you

(You also sent in the song lyrics - thanks for the easy reference! - but I’m clipping those for length reasons.)

Disclaimer before I dig in: I am not a Harry Styles stan, I know very little about him, most of what I am going to say specifically about him is stuff I researched about specifically to answer this ask. I want to speak mostly generally to your question.

Okay, so you posed a pretty succinct, straight forward question. “i wanted to ask whether or not it’s ok to take comfort in a person that has not officially come out as trans but has included many forms of gender expression in their work?“ However, there’s also a lot of context to this ask that makes things not so straight forward, and there are several distinct issues touched upon here I want to delve into. But it seems a good a starting place as any to start with the direct question you asked.

Yes, of course it’s okay to find your own meaning in art and role models and relate to art your way from your perspective based on your experience. In fact, that’s nearly the entire purpose of art! And it makes sense too, that we as social creatures would look up to and be inspired by celebrities, artists, mentors, role models, etc. Feeling connected to and less alone because someone in the spotlight plays with gender presentation like you might or want to makes a lot of sense!

However, we have to remember that A) sometimes art is just art, and B) someone being in the spotlight doesn’t mean we actually know or understand them or are/should act familiar with them.

As an example, a couple years back, Will Jay released a song called “Never Been in Love” that pretty much exploded with aros and aces and became a bit of an anthem for a lot of us. Many wondered if he was aspec himself and there was a lot of queries about it (and I saw quite a few blogs reminding folk that they were allowed to relate to the song even if it meant something different to Will Jay or he wasn’t actually aspec). Earlier this year, he released the song “Lies” where he admits that he was writing songs he thought people would relate to and he actually had been in love even before writing “Never Been In Love”. That should do nothing to diminish how meaningful the song was to people, though! If we related to the song, we related to the song, and if it was meaningful and made us feel seen and understood, that’s great! A lot of times, art is personal, but sometimes art is just an exploration.

This concept applies even more to people themselves. It is soooo easy to idolize and romanticize people you’ve never actually met and really only see the persona they want you to see. Yes, they share personal information with the world and they experience a general lack of privacy that makes you feel like yeah, you really know who they are. But how can you really, personally, intimately know someone without interacting with them, chatting with them, getting to know them one on one? It’s fine to have role models and feel represented by and relate to a celebrity - just do not lose sight of the fact that what you’re feeling is personal feeling on your own end. It’s not something that this celebrity has actually built with you.

To put this another way: it is fine to headcanon fictional characters, but it’s not okay to headcanon real people.

Now, what I’m building up to here is that there are a lot of assumptions I am seeing - from both sides - that we cannot truly know because all we know is what Harry [or anyone] chooses to share with us. I’d like to break this down by going through some specific points.

at first i was against calling harry trans because i thought it was wrong

Okay, there are two sides to this.

1) It is wrong to apply a gender label/descriptor to someone without their permission.

2) In a cisnormative society, “cis” is the default gender label/descriptor to apply to everyone, and that’s equally wrong, so I get why it feels like a rebellion of the system to go “well, there are Reasons they could be trans, so I’m just going to go ahead and call them trans”.

We should get away from automatically labeling everyone as “cis”. However, the way we fix this isn’t to just decide we get to apply whatever label/descriptor to someone we want.

If someone hasn’t clarified or specified their gender (and you can’t/it isn’t a good or safe idea to ask them), it’s the safest bet to go by what they seem to be majority being called or what you can find of them referring to themself as.

In some cases, when someone seems to be specifically avoiding labeling themselves or uncomfortable with labeling themselves, it may be most comfortable for you to also avoid labeling them just as much as possible.

being ok with his friends referring to him with she/her, miss, ‘sue’ instead of ‘harry’, and sis; his obsession with babies and especially wanting to get pregnant; relating himself only to female artists; etc.)

It’s worth considering - is this something for friends only? Or is it open to fans and other public sectors?

Usually if something is for friends only, it’ll be kept out of public eye, but if only friends are doing this, is this something that is only being shared with you or is it something you’re entitled to as well?

Aaaaaaaaalso, it has to be pointed out that it’s binarist and cisnormative in it’s own way to equate different names/pronouns automatically with being trans or being a specific trans identity. Wanting to get pregnant? Do you know how many cis women I’ve heard go on and on about wanting a penis so they can pee standing up (like... all of them anytime we’re outside or camping)? Plenty of cis people use pronouns you might not expect! You don’t have to be trans/nonbinary to use multiple or ‘atypical’ pronouns. Cis people are allowed to use other pronouns as well! They’re allowed to have names typically associated with other genders! Not all gender nonconforming or genderqueer people/people queering gender are trans! Not everybody exploring their gender nor gender presentation is trans!

not to assume he’s cis as he never specified that

It’s great to not assume someone is cis! But that doesn’t automatically make them trans.

i don’t want to misgender anyone but i don’t understand why relating to someone who, from their actions, could be part of the community is wrong.

Do you specifically, absolutely need to gender someone in order to relate to them?

i don’t understand why people keep shutting down the idea the harry could be trans when he never said he was cis and was ok being referred to as she.

I’ve only recently seen a tiny bit of this ‘discourse’ around on twitter, but what I see is a few issues/points:

A) It’s not up to us to claim someone as trans if they have not come out as trans. Coming out is an extremely personal choice and should be up to each individual. “Claiming” them is basically dragging them into something that very well may be not theirs. And if it is theirs, why would you want to steal that moment of getting to determine and declare that away from them?

B) We are all so done with cis, able-bodied white folk being prioritized above the rest of the queer community!!! There are actual, legitimate, out trans people that can be your trans role models and they’re being shoved to the back of the closet in favor of a privileged, white Schrödinger’s Trans. Let’s uplift our actual community instead of getting stuck on someone who may or may not be a part of community - and may not even want to be a part of it!

All that being said, I do want to say something really quickly on Harry himself because it ties back into the assumptions we’ve been talking about. Harry’s sexuality has long been a question on fans and journalists minds, and Harry has pretty consistently made it clear that he’s not really interested in labels or boxes. Harry’s gender is not something that has been asked about, talked about, or answered on much. And his comment on masculinity and femininity? Let’s remember that, like pronouns, masculinity and femininity don’t automatically or inherently relate to one specific gender or not. And, quite frankly, it is faucet of toxic masculinity and cissexism to equate a gnc man/man in a dress with being trans. Men are allowed to wear dresses and makeup and heels! Men are allowed to be soft and nurturing and to cry! Cis or trans, men are allowed to be these things, and arguing that they’re trans simply for doing or being any of these does continue to enforce dangerous and strict views of the gender binary.

Okay, it feels like I kinda put you through the wringer, so I want to go back and reiterate: it is 100% valid to relate to and feel connected to/inspired by someone on the basis of their presentation and gender exploration. It is not valid to claim ownership over their identity because of this. It is possible for two people to experience same or similar things and yet come to different conclusions about themselves!

If Harry Styles as an icon is important to you, I’m glad you can have that! But not everyone will or has to share your connection, and the only one actually qualified to speak on Harry’s gender is Harry himself. Harry could be trans, but it’s his right and his right only to claim that label. Any assuming we do is just that: an assumption. And I want you to be careful with your own feelings getting too attached to the image of Harry you’ve built up in your own head only to potentially have them shattered if Harry decides to speak on things and it turns out his feelings don’t mean what you thought.

Your identity is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. You feeling validated and seen and represented by Harry’s actions is valid regardless of how Harry Styles feels or identifies. It’s great to have role models and be inspired by people, but remember that at the end of the day, you need to be able to rely on yourself to keep up your ego and determine your sense of self.

~Pluto

#long post #mod pluto #identity #role models #discourse #gender #gender binary #cisnormativity #cissexism #mod tera #Anonymous

[miraculouscontent]

Askplosion #11:

(note that I know I mentioned a “Voiced Askplosion” last time in the tags for anyone who put a 🎤 in their ask, meaning they wanted to hear me respond verbally to it, but I only got one and it wasn’t anything serious - just a tease from someone I know - so I either won’t be doing it at all or will be holding off)

Asks responding to previous posts:

ALYA NO!!!

(the idea of Sabrina avoiding not only Ms. Mendeleiev, but also Alya, is very amusing to me)

The fact that the special focuses on the love square instead of Sabrina and Delmar is a crime.

(also note that “Need some help?” is rhetorical in this context; Alya doesn’t care)

Highly recommended, honestly, otherwise it just turns into a big shame because there are shows I really like but with some content that I don’t like, and why torture myself with it when I can cut it out instead?

Just to give a rough idea, here’s my cut of “Desperada”; mind you, this is just my quick cut of it (basically a “beta” version where I just removed everything I disliked without much care for transitioning/having everything make sense; some of Marinette’s friends talking, the guitar scene, Aspik, etcetera), as I’m not comfortable handing over my “perfect” cut of it since it’s like my personal copy.

Yeah, that’s a super awkward scene. As much as I’d like to imagine that Adrien just doesn’t understand the “guy time” thing (which I still hate), the fact that they use the word “guy” specifically is--ugh.

I wasn’t aware of what he said in the French dub, so thanks! It’s really painful to see her throw so much love his way, openly and publicly and obviously, then be so humiliated for it, only for Adrien to feel nothing for her.

Say whatever you want about Chat Noir’s advances and how sAAAAAAD he is when she rejects him, but her rejections are just that; in private. There aren’t other heroes who are around and Chat is never really humiliated. Even in “Prime Queen,” Chat wasn’t the target - Ladybug was, and then Ladybug shifted it to Nadja - so Marinette is the one taking all the heat in love while Chat gets to sit on the sidelines (plus, then “Oblivio” happened and now people probably all thing they’re a thing).

Yeah! That’s the group I was thinking of!

Thank you!

I’m so sorry that happened. ;—;

I’m not aro but I am ace and I’ve gotten the whole, “oh it’s just because--” stuff before, so I know what it feels like to have people put on the pressure/invalidate you.

YES.

IT’S GORGEOUS.

I’m not really familiar with how holidays are celebrated outside of the bare basics of Christmas/New Year (which I am trying my hardest to forget lol), so I couldn’t say.

Sorry!

New Asks:

10/10 thought, would fantasize again.

Though would also accept MC Audrey just doing some “spring cleaning” of the whole staff in general. I have no idea how she’d replace Jeremy since he’s the company’s poster boy but most of the writers have to go at the very least and Jeremy should be given less power.

I think MC Audrey would appreciate how Kagami carries herself, though potential bonus if - while Tom and Sabine just openly trust whatever Marinette wants - Audrey does a bunch of digging to make sure Kagami is “worthy” of being with Marinette (she takes this all very seriously).

Double potential bonus if Kagami takes it just as seriously, so here’s Audrey and Kagami acting as if Kagami dating Marinette is like some sort of job interview.

Kagami handing over a “resume” of her accomplishments to Audrey. Audrey has already looked all of it up herself but appreciates the effort put in.

If the question in Miraculous is, “Do we really need a--” and the thing being introduced is something the staff came up with then the answer is usually “no.”

The movie will look pretty and that’s all I’ll expect. It’s just Jeremy’s take on Miraculous. Luka and Kagami probably won’t even be around so I’m not even interested.

I’ll watch it, but I’m also not interested lol.

Honestly, I’d rather turn into bubble froth.

oddly specific but... I mean, damn

I have no idea, and I try not to throw around words like “spite ship” because I know people could genuinely like the ship, though I will say that I went on AO3 and - unless I read from - the first Maribat fanfiction on there was posted after the airdate of “Chameleon.” I think it might’ve started with inspiration from “Marinette moves schools” ideas at the very least.

Non-Miraculous Asks responding to previous posts:

Oh, I understood, no worries! It was just funny for the split second it took me to figure it out.

My bad, that’s not how I meant to come off (especially since “magical girl shows” is a little broad; I mean, obviously I don’t think something like Cardcaptor Sakura is aiming for fanservice when Sakura’s--like... ten). I answered all those asks in the last askplosion in the same day so my brain was a little fried by the time I got to that ask.

I’m not even talking about Sailor Moon either; it’s just that I knew there are shows with fanservice and there are certain magical girl outfits where I kind of give the side-eye.

Absolutely zero problem with girls fighting in pretty outfits though. I fully admit that I’m a bit of a prude so sometimes I see fanservice where there might not be any. Super short skirts without shorts, for example, inherently throw me off (shout-out to Saint Tail - which I discovered while looking up “pretty magical girl outfits” - because the main character does have a skirt in “magical girl” form but also tights/boots and a cute hat, which is one of the more unique ones I’ve seen).

Non-Miraculous Asks:

Do you mean Sailor Moon Crystal? Yeah, the only reason I hesitate on Sailor Moon in general is because I’m not crazy about the transformed designs. It’s not really a matter of animation but more a design choice that takes me out of the experience.

I have seen all of Cardcaptor Sakura anime though, and then all of the Clear Card arc. I like the former, despise the latter, and I tried to keep up with the manga but once one of the big plot details were revealed, I officially dropped it.

As for Revolutionary Girl Utena, I looked it up a while ago and don’t remember what exactly turned me away. It might’ve been the darker tone though if what you say is accurate that it’s a darker take on a magical girl show.

Also, I may or may not have looked up the ending of at least Princess Tutu and I’m sorry, I’m sure it’s a great anime, but if there isn’t a happy ending then I give whatever anime a hard pass.

(note: yes, I realize the hilarity of saying that when I continue watching Miraculous)

-

(More Madoka Magica talk/salt below!)

Ohhh, it started a trend? I had no idea since I don’t actively keep up with every anime out there; descriptions need to really pull me in (the only current anime I’m keeping up with is Hanyou no Yashahime, Otherside Picnic, and Cells at Work (Season 2)).

The focus on specific--uh--body parts in magical girl transformations also reminds me that I think that’s usually what kills it for me, not because of the sexualization but because I expect transformations (especially ones that get repeated over and over) to be really dynamic with changing angles and such, which is harder to do when the camera is trying to draw focus to specific places.

Obviously you have to do it for some moments (I’ve always imagined Miraculous transformations like a potential sheep or another one for rabbit, then rabbit!Jean from Leave for Mendeleiev and fox!Juleka from LadyBugOut) because things will be weird if you focus on nothing, but I think there are ways to draw the eye without trying to sexualize.

Not having Ladybug-esque bodysuits is a good start. It reminds me too much of the Catwoman with just a bodysuit so it leaves nothing to the imagination.

How did I forget about that Sayaka scene? omg (though I dunno if the Bechdel Test is hard to pass if there aren’t really any endgame male love interests? are there rules about that? not saying a pass isn’t a pass but it feels like cheating)

It is nice when fans can respect the opinions of others without having to outright attack. I have had a few people come to me with, “I see your point/respect it even if I disagree,” instead of accusing me/others of--well, you get it.

Fandoms can be really messy, particularly as they get larger. I think there’s a certain balance between small fandoms that all know each other and a big fandom that’s out of control. Then there are things like “loud minority” and it’s just uggggh.

Anyway, back to the asks themselves, yeah, I’m not crazy about taking things that are just meant to be positive/cute/whatever and being like, “OKAY BUT WHAT IF IT WAS EDGY AND SAD.”

n o ,  p l z

Oh, I’ve never heard of that one!

Sayaka dying didn’t really do anything for me either. It’s hard to explain when I saw it so long ago, but it was just Sayaka’s attitude about the whole thing and it made it feel underwhelming. It was a shame too because I liked her and she had potential.

She was Madoka’s friend so I was just like, “Yeah, she’ll die soon.” Probably didn’t help since I knew what I knew about the show being “dark.”

Madoka/Sayaka is probably what I’d support the most out of all the potential shoujo ai ships. To my knowledge, none of them are really canon, though I remember a special song after the death Sayaka and Kyoko which I guess makes them the most canon and that did basically nothing for me since their relationship didn’t interest me (nor did I care for Kyoko as a character). The PSP game might have more intimate potential between the girls, but I never played them so I can’t make those claims (I only remember something about everyone potentially living and then a bad ending for Sayaka where part of her body was decayed when they didn’t get her soul gem back in time).

The tomboy argument makes me think back to a conversation with a friend of mine where we were discussing tomboys in anime and... we couldn’t really think of any? At least any that really qualify as “tomboy” for me.

Like, Misty from Pokemon, for example. I knoooooow everyone really likes Misty, but regardless of my opinion on her, it’s hard to see her as a tomboy.

I feel like they try to lean that way by making her super aggressive and violent (because... m E N) and I think Ash makes a comment once about her not being “like a girl,” but... I feel like that’s just how general “aggressive” female characters are written?

I mean, that’s tsundere female characters I’ve seen in general. Really loud (and not in a “gIrlS aRe sO lOuD aND ScReEcHY” way but like... the way anime gives them big heads while they scream at whatever male character they’re mad at), angry a lot, short fuse, etcetera.

But Misty is still crazy about clothes and dolls, she still gushes about cute things and romance, and both of those things seem pretty indicative of what “standard girl character” would be defined by, since they’re all “stereotypically girl thing” (I say stereotypically for obvious reasons since boys can like blah and girls can like blah and gender exclusivity is blah--). I get that she dresses differently, but that’s about it, and it comes off like, “she dresses differently and she’s ANGRY and VIOLENT, so she’s a tomboy,” which... yeah. They even gave her three beauty queen sisters with CURVES and BUSTS as if to say, “See?? These are GIRLS, not TOMBOYS.” (busty females can exist who are also tomboys, thank you have a nice day).

This becomes more complicated in magical girl anime since girly clothes are usually part of that so “tomboy” means that frills and skirts probably wouldn’t be a factor.

I mean, if you gave those sorts of outfits to me, I’d be like, “SCREW IT, I’M NOT A MAGICAL GIRL ANYMORE. IF LOOKING PRETTY IS REDUCED TO SKIRTS AND FRILLS, SOMEONE ELSE CAN SAVE THE WORLD.”

I’d also like to see some mixes between personalites and “tomboy” things. Like, non-stereotypical tomboy personalities doing tomboy things. Mix and match, y’know?

This was really rambly, but to answer the question... no, I wouldn’t count Sayaka as a tomboy.

All of this.

I think it also exemplifies the whole “dark and edgy magical girl show” thing because... ugh, how do I put this...

The “girls are overly emotional” thing is already bad, but then you realize that there not being any magical boys is also because that doesn’t hit the “shock value” threshold as much.

Y’know, because boys equal dark and edgy shows, so if there was even one magical boy it wouldn’t be as shocking when Mami gets her head chomped. They could’ve done, “emotional teenagers are the target because they’re in that vulnerable stage; smarter and more physically capable than children, but not as mature/stable as adults,” but having some boys in there for balance (it makes me feel weird saying that when I’m all for girl power shows with an all female cast, but in this show’s logic, it’s a different ball game) would make the show seem less bright and “girly” and thus lessen the shock value.

Does that make sense?

#((Aspies who also deal with Winter Blues or Seasonal Affective Disorder)) #((how do you do iiiiiit)) #((my usual methods aren't working and I'm constantly sluggiiiish)) #category: trash #special: Miraculous New York #MC's Art #art: single picture #relationship: alya cesaire & sabrina raincomprix #category: salt #episode: Party Crasher #relationship: love square #relationship: adrien agreste & marinette dupain cheng #MC: Audrey Bourgeois #relationship: kagami tsurugi & marinette dupain cheng #character: marinette dupain cheng #other: non ml talk

[uoblgbtq]

It's Ace Week coming up next week! This is an international campaign to raise awareness and expand education of asexuality. Asexual people are those who do not experience sexual attraction. Ace is also an umbrella term covering other identities on the asexual spectrum, such as demisexual (only experiencing sexual attraction after making a strong emotional connection with a specific person) or graysexual (experiencing sexual attraction very rarely, or with very low intensity). Ace people are a valued and valuable part of the LGBTQ+ community.

To celebrate Ace Week, on 30th October at 6pm we are holding an workshop to create mini zines (homemade magzines). This is a safe space event specifically for ace and aro people to attend. On 3rd November at 6pm, our Q Rep, Clayton, is running an event in collaboration with Nerd Soc, where they will be presenting about aro/ace representation in animation. Please message us if you would like access to the Discord server where these events will be taking place!

[Image description:

Image 1:

White text against a grey background with black, white, purple, and light and dark green stars and diamonds around the text. The text reads:

"Ace & Aro Mini Zine Workshop

Friday 30th October

6pm

Zoom"

End image description 1.

Image 2:

White and turquoise text against a dark blue background with an asexual pride flag design in muted colours to the left of the background. The text reads:

"NerdSoc and LGBTQ+ Association present...

'WHAT WE HAVE, WHAT WE WANT, WHAT WE NEED: ARO/ACE REP IN ANIMATION'

by Clayton

Tuesday 3rd November, 6pm @ collab Discord server

All NerdSoc and LGBTQ+ Association members are welcome!"

To the right of the text is a hand holding an asexual pride flag. At the top of the image are the Nerd Soc logo (a pair of glasses with purple text reading "Nerd Soc" on the lenses, against a pale blue background); and also the LGBTQ+ Association logo (a prism in the colours of the LGBTQ+ More Colour More Pride Flag, overlaid with white text reading: "LGBTQ+ UoB Association").

End image description 2.]

[madzilla84]

disorganised thoughts about queerness and fandom and internalised aphobia and that

Before and during Pride Month, I followed a few more ace accounts on twitter because hey! More people! Good discussions! Information, history and friends! But of course all of that came along with a good side of aphobia and exclusionism, because the accounts in question are doing their best to call it out and educate. It’s good work, important work, and i greatly admire everyone who’s doing it, but seeing it on the timeline all the time is ehhhhhhh. Not great sometimes. Even if I basically don’t believe it nowadays, it’s just very wearing. And it creeps in, sometimes.

Because it ties into the niggling but often-present feeling - especially during a time like pride month when it’s all being talked about more - that I’m not “queer enough” and as such don’t belong. You’ve heard me say ‘aces are LGBT’ and ‘aces are queer’ which - is true, but sometimes … I have a hard time believing and embracing it myself.

Because the “queer experience” is *so* coupled with sex. It’s baked into everything - into socialising, into Pride, into fandom, into identity, into queer culture, into everything. The freedom and celebration of coming out, we’re told, is the freedom to finally be able to pursue and love and fuck whoever you want, unhidden. And that’s wonderful, and should be celebrated! But what if you don’t want to pursue anyone, or anything? What do you celebrate then? The happiness to be yourself? Well, who cares, says the rest of the queer community. Our struggle is about being able to love who we love, and you don’t do that, so … shut up.

(I know this isn’t universal. I’ve seen so many wonderful people in the community who are kind and accepting, but sadly many who are not; and it isn’t just the ace spectrum, I often see exclusionism for people who are bi or pan or trans. Also, I’m including the aro spectrum.)

I got ‘asexuality’ as a prompt on a D&P fanfic bingo sheet last year and for a moment I was excited because it me … but then I couldn’t write anything for it, because I felt a bit like - even though they’d never see it, obviously, somehow they’d be like. Annoyed at being portrayed as asexual? And like, why would I feel like that? There’s nothing wrong with it? Why would they be annoyed?

I think it’s the pervasive reaction from many allosexual people that being asexual must be awful, god, what a terrible pointless life that must be, and like. I don’t think D&P would think that. I hope they’re better than that. I’m sure they are. And other people have written wonderful stories with them being on the ace spectrum which I loved and identified with … but I couldn’t do it myself. Which is frustrating, because it’s something I want to see more of; I want to read more stories that I see myself in, rather than ones that make me think, ’*this* is the *real* queer experience, this is what *real* gay people should be like, you’re just a fraud’.

(And like, hopefully I don’t need to say it, but just in case - this isn’t sex shaming, or slut shaming, or me being a prude. I’ve always been unbothered by what anyone chooses to do or not do in their private life. This is just about me struggling to find a place in the community at large. Of course, I’m not trying to make anyone uncomfortable, and i hope i haven’t, but thinking out loud about my own hangups.)

tl;dr - I always hear ‘there are as many ways to be queer as there are queer people’, but that isn’t backed up by the community a lot of the time.

#it's a journey #somedays i feel better about it than others #tw aphobia #mad.txt

[writing-radionoises]

satisfaction

ship: minor shin soukoku / akuatsu

genre: hurt/comfort, redemption

prompt: akutagawa finally gets his redemption and joins the ada

notes: this is my little series right now, i just call it ada akutagawa and i mostly just wrote this because it’s what he deserves

also, aro/ace spectrum akutagawa

A hit from the left. A hit right from the right. "Rashomon, demonic armor!" The colors of Akutagawa's vision begin to blend together, muddling up, and he knows well his disgustingly weak lungs are giving in. It hurts. He's so weak, even to Atsushi's pathetic blows. He knows Atsushi is holding back, too, especially after all the god forsaken blabbering Akutagawa did. He's just so... tired. Akutagawa doesn't even register falling to his knees, Rashomon slinking away from it's armor form and instead choosing to curl around it's owner in a protective manner, as well as it could without hurting him further. Atsushi stands in front of him, barely a cut or scratch on him, but he looks tired, as well. His regenerative ability has gotten better. Akutagawa begins to cough into his hand, crimson red now staining the pretty white silk on his shirt. "Akutagawa," Atsushi starts, breath heavy as he speaks, "No... Ryunosuke. You don't even talk of the mafia fondly anymore. I'm not quite sure you ever have... You only talk about how much they hurt you, how much they hurt Dazai, and Kyouka, and all other sorts of people. Ryunosuke... Are you satisfied?" The phrase hits hard, like a punch to the chest, and it only makes Akutagawa wheeze more. He isn't. He's thought about leaving the mafia time after time, there's always something holding him back. It's always one fucking thing. He's planned it out and everything, Higuchi even said she'd help him leave, she'd leave with him, too. They even have everything packed back at the apartment. All the essentials. And yet... There's still one thing holding him back. "I... I hate it here. I hate it here so fucking much..." Ryunosuke starts, looking back up at Atsushi, "But... Gin..." "Don't think about Gin for once," He says, he's gotten down on his knees in front of Akutagawa, bringing them to the same level, "You've cared for her your entire life, you've been a stand in parent since the age of like... Four or five, it's really amazing, Ryunosuke," Atsushi says with a smile. "But-" "But, you never should have had to be that. And you don't need to be that anymore. You're like, twenty now, right?" Akutagawa nods. "She's sixteen. She can take care of herself and make her own decisions. The mafia has never once posed as a threat against her, and Gin is a strong woman. You raised her that way," Atsushi insists, "She can hold up against the mafia easily." Ryunosuke feels himself tear up, and he begins to rub at his eyes with his blood stained sleeve. He feels Rashomon curl around his tighter, like a hug, almost. "Wh, why are you telling me this?" Akutagawa replied, his voice is trembling. It's disgusting. "Ryunosuke..." Atsushi responds, he reaches out a hand and cups the left side of Ryunosuke's face, despite all the blood and tears, "Ryunosuke, leave the mafia. Please." "I... I don't have anywhere to go..." He answers. It's a lie. He has many places to go, but it'll be hard trying to reform his identity completely. It's be hard to completely erase Ryunosuke Akutagawa from his world, especially after everything that he's done. It would be easy if Akutagawa just killed himself. Atsushi's hand pulls away from his face, and instead reaches out to help Akutagawa up with a knowing smile. "Then come join the Armed Detective Agency, Ryunosuke." -- It's easier than Akutagawa ever anticipated. Though, it's mostly because of all the leg work Higuchi and Gin put into this. Gin was much more happy than Akutagawa thought, as well. She was happy Akutagawa was finding a path that wasn't about protecting her. Just a path to make him happy. ... But she decided to stay behind, like she did every time Ryunosuke offered to get her out of the mafia, too. The mafia is home to Gin. They didn't beat her and berate her most of her career, like they did to Ryunosuke. It's obvious why she'd feel that way. It only took a few days for Atsushi to secure a place in the agency for Akutagawa. From what he heard, Atsushi, Kyouka, and Dazai all vouched for him. "Fukuzawa is a kind man. He would never refuse you, or anybody in need," Atsushi had said. He was right. Within at least two weeks of Atsushi finally convincing Akutagawa to leave the mafia, Akutagawa had moved into the agency living quarters. He ended up moving in with Atsushi, with Kyouka having finally gotten a place of her own. It wasn't tough for Akutagawa to move in, he really didn't own all that much. Living in the mafia is tough, because everyday could be your death day. There was no point in owning a lot. ... What was hard was living without Gin for the first time in sixteen years. He called her every night, thought about her every second of the day. Sometimes, it was all her could think about. At least in the mafia, Akutagawa would know where she was. But now, he has no such privilege. Soon enough, the test for joining the agency came up. Of course, Akutagawa had no idea it was a test, like usual for agency members. The test must have took longer to develop, due to Akutagawa having already known just about everyone at the agency and mafia, he was hard to fool. They ended up pulling from the guild. A girl named Lucy, a former guild member, posed as a threat by holding Atsushi hostage, saying she wants to take revenge for what the agency did to the guild by blowing up the entire building, coffee shop and all. She gave Akutagawa the choice of saving Atsushi or join forces with her to blow up the whole building. Akutagawa managed to get Atsushi out of the hostage situation, putting his own life at risk instead while Kyouka "disarmed" the bomb. In the end, Akutagawa passed the test and joined the agency officially. -- "You should get rid of that coat, you know," Dazai said. Most of the agency members where in the coffee shop on break. Akutagawa had ordered a tea while Dazai sipped at an energy drink. "I don't think you're in the position to really say that," Akutagawa protested calmly, "It means a lot to me." "It was mine," Dazai replied, "Do you really want to keep those memories?" Akutagawa paused, setting down his cup of tea. Dazai was right in a way, the coat carried so many memories of the abuse he endured, and even before that, it carries the memories of the abuse Dazai endured. ... It was gifted to Akutagawa because Dazai often ended up lending it to him after Dazai hurt him. Akutagawa got injured and suffered so much at Dazai's hand that the coat was already practically his before Dazai officially gave it to him. There are so many blood stains on this coat, so much blood on innocent people on it. It has at least three generations of child abuse in the mafia on it. Akutagawa felt his hands begin to shake as he quickly picked up the cup of tea again, trying to mask his anxiety. "I don't want to think about that, Dazai-san. Don't remind me." Dazai dropped the subject. -- "Ryuu-san," Atsushi starts, "Are you okay?" He's sitting beside Akutagawa on their shared couch, sharing a pot of tea after a long day of work. Akutagawa had come to appreciate Atsushi's company, Atsushi had a way of making him feel comfortable and safe. ... He liked cuddling Atsushi, too, but that aside. "I think I made Dazai-san uncomfortable today. We were talking about the coat I wear, it used to be his..." Akutagawa replied, "I think I only remind him of his past, of his time at the Port Mafia... I don't think he wants me here at all, I've only complicated his life..." Atsushi sets down his cup as he pulled Akutagawa in for a hug. Atsushi smells of vanilla and early gray tea, hints of lavender from the laundry detergent he uses. His hair is soft, and the pressure of his hugs always manage to calm Akutagawa down. ... He's just so nice, it's not fair. "Ryuu, he wanted you to be here, remember? He vouched for you to be at the agency," Atsushi reminded him softly, and Akutagawa can feel Atsushi start to run his fingers through his hair, "I think he just wants you to be happy and safe, Ryuu. He's just not too great at conveying it. Don't think too much of it, okay?" Akutagawa nods slowly, burying his face in Atsushi's shoulder. Dazai-san can hate him all he wants, Akutagawa could care less, as long as he had Atsushi. As long as Atsushi is here, the whole world could end and Ryunosuke wouldn't bat an eye. Atsushi is just that special. -- "How do you tell if you like someone?" Ryunosuke asked. He was over at Higuchi's new apartment, helping her make dinner. Gin was coming over later today, they were going to have a little family dinner as a celebration of Higuchi getting her new job. She landed a job as a manager at a bridal shop, and she's never been happier. Akutagawa is just happy to see her finally get the happy ending she's been working so hard for. "Like, romantically?" Higuchi asks, looking over to Akutagawa as she fries up some vegetables. "Yes," Akutagawa responds, "I'm having complicated feelings on someone, and I've just now realized that... I've never really had a crush on someone." "Ah, you're on the aroace spectrum, right?" Higuchi asked, to which Akutagawa nodded, "Well, crushes are weird. It's hard to explain romantic attraction. I guess you can start with questions, do you want to pend the rest of your life with this person?" Ryunosuke thought for a moment before nodding, "I think it'd be nice if I did..." "Do you have any sexual attraction towards that person? Not that that really matters, but it's good to consider." Akutagawa continues chopping vegetables as he thinks, then nodding a no, "I don't think so. Though I wouldn't mind having sex with him, if that's what he wanted." "That's pretty new for you," Higuchi replied, snatching the cutting board Akutagawa was using and dumping the rest of the sliced vegetables into her pan, "I mean, it sounds like a romantic crush, but I'm not great at romance, so take my words with a grain of salt." Akutagawa smiled a bit, "Thanks, Ichiyo." The blonde chuckles a bit, "Of course, Ryunosuke." -- After leaving a sealed envelope on Atsushi's desk, Ryunosuke went downstairs to join the rest of the agency for a celebratory lunch. Kyouka stayed upstairs with him, too, saying she'd cover for him to make it less obvious that Ryunosuke left the letter. He sat down beside Atsushi, who had apparently already ordered him his favorite tea, and was now chatting with Dazai. "Hey, you got rid of the coat!" Dazai comments, looking over to Akutagawa. Today is the first time in years that Akutagawa went without wearing the coat. He nodded, "Yes, you made me realize something a couple weeks ago. I decided to toss it today, and I'll get a new one at some point." Dazai smiles, "You've come a long way, kiddo." Akutagawa rolled his eyes, "Don't call me that." Kyouka comes down the stairs, brushing off her skirt as she promptly gets on the table Atsushi, Dazai, and Akutagawa are sitting at, standing on it. Akutagawa snatches his cup from off the table to prevent it from spilling. "Everybody, I have an announcement," Kyouka says, as most of the agency looks up at her, "I adopted a rabbit, his name is Shigeo." The agency starts clapping at Kyouka looks down, then continuing, "Wait, that wasn't the announcement... I mean, correction. The real announcement is that Kunikida and Dazai's wedding date has officially been confirmed, and it'll happen within a couple weeks. Kunikida is placing invitations now." Everyone in the coffee shop begins to clap and cheer this time as Kyouka smiles, sitting back down on the table. "You didn't tell me you were engaged!" Atsushi said, looking back at Dazai. "Ah, you had more important things to hear, didn't want to overwhelm you with that," Dazai explained, "But it seems everything solved itself, hm? So, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to be the best man?" Atsushi smiles and nods, "I'd love to!" Akutagawa is barely paying attention to their conversation, finding himself looking at Atsushi with a slight smile. "Hey," Kyouka says, nudging Akutagawa with her foot, "Maybe you'll be the one getting married next year." Akutagawa blushed, hiding his face in his hands, "Don't say such foolish things." "I mean it, though," she said, "You make him happy, Akutagawa. You've come such a long way, everyone at the agency is proud of you." Akutagawa lifts his head up, looking back at Kyouka before looking at everyone in the agency, having a fun time, laughing, smiling. ... It feels nice to be part of something like this. "I think... I am finally satisfied."

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #atsushi nakajima #ryunosuke akutagawa #dazai osamu #kyouka izumi #higuchi ichiyo #gin akutagawa #shin soukoku #akuatsu #fanfiction #writing #writer #writers

[lemonadelyric]

ALL.THE QUESTIONS FOR THAT ASK MEME

1. What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? I use he/him pronouns, please! And I have a lot of identities so uh, be warned. I'm nonbinary! Not really sure on gender, or any specifics. I'm pretty fluid between andro/masc/fem so??? It's a big Question Mark. I'm polyamorous! I'm in a handful of relationships but they're all important to me. I'm also pretty open about loving and appreciating my friends too! I'm pansexual! I'm also panromantic and nebularomantic! I know people debate on pansexual/polysexual/bisexual all the time, and honestly I just go with pan cause I like the flag colors xD But also, it's basically me saying I feel attraction not based on gender/presentation! 2. How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? Oh oof okay so. I noticed it since I was YOUNG. I always thought girls were cute?? I'm AFAB, for the record. But I always figured that was something everyone was into. Then some people were talking about lesbians and such, and I was like "Well yeah, I'd kiss a girl" SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW WELL THAT WENT OVER. People asked me if I was gay, and I didn't think I was? I liked boys too! Wasn't until probably high school that I finally settled on "Yeah, I'm bi." and then discovered the whole gender spectrum and being nonbinary and so much just fell into place 3. Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? So I present pretty andro, I think! I don't try to fit a masc/fem scale but like, in person I don't really make a big deal out of it. There was a stretch of time where I went by she/her still, even as a nonbinary. But I switched to he/him about a year ago and it's just GOOD for me. Well.... Someone I really don't like joined the chat where I first decided to go by he/him. They joined, and they bitched to the mods about not liking me, but they called me "she/her" EVEN WITH he/him being in my intro. The mods were friends of mine and corrected them and were DEFINITELY on edge and asked me if I ever went by she/her or if they were purposefully misgendering me. 4. Who was the first person you told, how did they react? I'm pretty sure it was my boyfriend, Eric! They didn't give a shit HAHA, and have been all respectful and everything. 5. Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? So I don't actually remember when I told them? But it wasn't a big deal actually. 6. If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? Oof so, I don't think I ever straight up told my mom. But I don't really care what she thinks anyways LOL I did have to tell Eric's parents, though! When we were poly and dating our qpp Reina. (Didn't want to explain those details and shit to them). But telling them that meant telling them I'm gay haha. They totally didn't care and have been so welcoming and accepting, i love them so much ;;w;; 7. What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? "Why do you need to be polyamorous do you not love your partners does that just mean you want to sleep around you're just using it as an excuse to cheat on your partners" All said from people who don't know shit about being poly. 8. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. Oh god this is so boring. I just wear jeans and tshirts xD Nothing special or SUPER GAY. 9. Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? ROSE/PEARL FROM STEVEN UNIVERSE I don't consume a lot of lgbt media apparently, huh. 10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? Sometimes! Usually no, though. I like eyeliner most of the time. 11. Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? YES. So with my chest it's more frequent, I also just don't like being as fat as I am. SO that's half my body problems. Bottom stuff is less frequent but usually during That Time Of The Month (Which, I actually haven't had for YEARS, but I started getting again recently, I hate it.) 12. What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? "Oh yeah I'm inclusive of ace/aro people in the LGBT community!! You have a chemical imbalance in your brain which makes you just like us!!!" Like.. what the fuck. 13. What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? I love how we're all THERE for each other! You join a chat, go "Hey I'm gay" and we're like "GAY??? GAY???? GAY???? GAY????" we're like dogs LMAO 14. What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? Sick of transmeds and terfs and ace/aro exclusionists and shit, fuck off my blog. Also??? Can we stop making jokes about MOGAI identities and shit??? "Lmao this gender is based on being a special snowflake" cool shut up, let people live damn, it's not that hard to just respect people. 15. Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? Nope :c Everywhere I've lived either 1. there wasn't any close to me/I wasn't out, or 2. ITS TOO DANGEROUS TO GO, or 3. I don't have a car lmao. 16. Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? Lil Nas X, hands down. He's a great dude. 17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? I'm in three right now!! So the first is Eric, we met on an online rp chat website thingy! Second is Chander, we met through a mutual friend and we knew each other like a year then within the span of like two months we started dating and now we live together, 2.5 years later xD Third is Jay! I met him through a kin Discord, we've been friends over a year but it took a few months before we started dating! 18. What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Y'know I don't think I've ever read one. Uhhh... I mean the Black Dagger Brotherhood has a gay couple??? Does that count??? xD 19. Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? Slightly! Most of mine is about being polyamorous. I have people tell me "That's not enough to be lgbt" paying 0 attention to me also being nonbinary and pansexual. Also had people tell me I'm not trans enough to be nonbinary because I don't want to transition. 20. Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? One Day At A Time? That's about the only one I can think of LOL 21. Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? Uuhhh I don't really follow bloggers. 22. Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? QUEER and gay itself. People act like "gay" was never used against the lgbt community like, bitch, if Hillary fuckin' Duff has to tell some stupid teens in a PSA to not use "gay" like that, then I'm reclaiming it, shut up. 23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? Nope and nope. 24. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? I'm nonbinary! I use he/him pronouns and it pretty much just means I don't wanna be a boy or a girl. I don't mind being called like "You're a good guy" or whatever. 25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? Not really? I'm very selfish and self-centered, I don't think I could handle having a child xD 26. What identity advice would you give your younger self? "You don't have to figure this all out right now! You have time! Also, make friends with gay people. They're not some closed community where if you join and you're wrong they abandon you." 27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships? Eh, nah. Like I'm a big "Yeah sure I'll do laundry and dishes" or whatever. But I'd rather share responsibilities! 28. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? I've been questioning and trying to identify my gender a lot more and get more specific, but I'm in no rush. 29. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? We're just people, man. That's it. That's all there it to it. You don't have to have the same feelings as us, but just give us the right to love and marry who we want, or not do that, or have our relationships look however we want. 30. Why are proud to be lgbt+? I'm proud to be LGBT because it means I'm in a community of people who are accepting and caring. It's like a family wherever you go.

Thank you for the asks <3

#anxietylich

[moonlights-shadow-warrior]

Hi, I’ve been following you for a hot minute and wanted to ask about how you define your asexuality and gray-romanticness. I am a poly/pan trans-guy trying to wrap my head around it and from your posts you always seem super nice and down to earth. Sorry if this is a weird question ^~^’

Ngl your ask did catch me off guard, although that was mostly due to the fact that a) I never get asks, and b) I rarely post my own stuff or comment on others’ posts so the fact that you said I seem nice and down to earth ‘cause of my posts threw me for a bit of a loop. Sweet though, and I’m glad I come off that way even though my blog is really just a mishmash of things I like and that catch me eye

Now as for your question

TL:DR Defining my asexuality means I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others (never have in my almost 23 years of life) and it honestly kinda confuses me simply because it’s something I’ve never experienced before and when others talk about it I just don’t get it

As for my greyromanticism, it’s more a transitional term as over the years I went from having loads and loads of crushes (I think) as a kid to now where I haven’t had a crush for multiple years as I move closer and closer to being aro ‘cause of some trauma that happened in my life. Same trauma is part of why gender does make a difference in my attraction now

Gonna start this off with some backstory saying I used to identify as bisexual, then pansexual, ‘cause I’d never heard of asexuality before and gender didn’t really play a part in my like for someone. And from the terms I knew, those seemed like the obvious choice at the time. But I also didn’t really,,, get it when some of my friends talked about how hot a person was or their list of actors they wanted to bone (and just celebrity crushes in general now that I think about it, although that could’ve very easily been due to the fact I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who in the realm of Hollywood). I’d just sorta nod along and listen ‘cause hey, people are different and just ‘cause we’re both pan doesn’t mean our experiences are exactly the same

Now at this time I was reading a lot—and I mean a lot—of fanfics ‘cause of escapism and all that jazz. And in one fic I came across there was a character—my favorite character—that was ace. When it got mentioned I didn’t think much of it ‘cause it was just ‘oh cool new term I haven’t heard before’. But then it was explained not only what asexuality was, but also what sexual and romantic attraction were—with examples for each of them—and how they didn’t always line up for some people. And it just

Clicked

I did a bit more research on it, reading things that other aces had posted talking about being ace, and it felt like it just fit me

It’s probably been close to 7 years since I last read that fic, but it was explained something like this

Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fool around with them, maybe take a tumble in the sheets, but would never want to date them? That’s sexual attraction

And have you ever looked at someone and had your heart flutter and just wanted to go on dates and maybe kiss them but you wouldn’t describe them as sexy and the thought of having sex with them either didn’t cross your mind or made your stomach turn? Romantic attraction

And feeling the latter without the former? Well you might just be ace

Of course this isn’t a universal thing for those under the ace umbrella, but it worked for me and helped me realize something about myself

I don’t feel sexual attraction, which was why all those times my friends talked about how sexy someone was or who was on their f list, it felt like a foreign concept to me and the most I could say to relate was “well they are cute”

As for my greyromanticism, that one’s not as clear cut. Also cw for bad parenting and divorce/bad breakups basically idk

Like I said above, I used to get a lot of crushes as a kid. Looking back, were they all actually crushes or just me thinking a person looked cute? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure there were some

Walking in late only to see the new kid sitting there and immediately my heart rate picked up and I had trouble looking directly at them without blushing? Then picking up an instrument that they played just to try and be seated next to them in band class even though I had no idea what I was doing and had barely talked to them before?

Crush

Get partnered with someone for one assignment and then always trying to sneak glances at them out of the corner of my eye and it just so happens that they ended up in a lot of my photos of my middle school DC field trip?

Crush

Playing spin the faygo just for the chance to make out with one person ‘cause they’re hella cute and within an hour of knowing each other we immediately linked hands and threaded our fingers together while walking around?

Crush

Just as a few examples. Also I was shy and didn’t know how to socialize, which didn’t help at all in the creepiness factor

Now could some of my crushes have actually been just me becoming attached to someone who was nice to me one (1) time? Maybe, who knows, not me

Like I said above, me identifying as greyro is more transitional as I move closer and closer to identifying as aromantic ‘cause of trauma. Was I actually always arospec but just hadn’t heard of the terms like with asexuality? I don’t know because only after everything did I come across the term and my memory is so poor that I can’t properly recall the feelings I experienced. Even the above may not be accurate because my memory’s so spotty and my mind likes to insert things that never actually happened or are wildly different from what everyone else remembers

Which sucks but I digress

So that trauma I keep mentioning. As a child that had to deal with a rough divorce, it can bring on a whole slew of issues, some of which relate to relationships. I called my parents’ divorce almost a decade before it actually happened, and watching it go downhill to the point they could barely stand to be in the same room was rough. Not only that, but I had to give relationship advice to my father, from saying that he should go through with the divorce to giving my opinion on who he should date and if he should break it off or power through a rough spot or not come home for the night. Needless to say, all that warped my perception just a bit

And while that was happening, I had to deal with my own rocky high school relationships

While I haven’t dated a lot of people, a lot of the breakups were bad. Maybe not bad right away and we’d continue on being friends afterwards, but down the line something would happen where they’d either drop all contact or blow up at me without me knowing why or realizing something was off in the first place. And paired with the after effects of the divorce, it was a bad combination

But the golden lining was a breakup so terrible that it caused my datemate to hallucinate and go into such a depressive state that I’m pretty sure the after effects still influence how they act today when it comes to relationships. The four of us talked about moving in together, having a double wedding and all that. But then one left out of the blue and the other became harder and harder to contact until there was no response. And that all happened less than a month after I finally ran away from all the bs of the divorce and my father asking for relationship advice and being dropped so suddenly after what I thought was a good breakup

And after that I can only pinpoint 2 maybe crushes around the same time less than a year later

So yeah, traumatic

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, because I hadn’t heard of the term

But even then I told my datemate that if we broke up I will never be in another romantic relationship after them because of everything. Because I didn’t really believe in love anymore

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, even when I had heard of the term

I thought, nah, that’s not me, because I still thought I had crushes, as few and far between as they were. Because I didn’t know there were other kinds of attraction

And then my datemate asked if I had a crush on this one person, and I said no, and I realized that was the truth. I hadn’t had a crush on them. I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle and maybe give light pecks, protect them as best I could, but it wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t the same feelings as what I remember feeling in my childhood, what I feel towards my datemate

I had a squish, and once I realized that things started making a bit of sense. There were people I wanted to hold their hand, laze around in a cuddle pile to be close to them, maybe give them quick innocent pecks because I’m touch starved and want affection. But never were the feelings romantic

If that trauma had never happened, would I still say I’m panromantic instead of bi greyromantic? Who knows, not me

But what I do know is that if something were to happen and my datemate and I were to split, that the single romantic attraction I have felt in years was severed, I’d full on say I’m aro because they are my exception

My greyromanticism is transitional. It’s not “I feel romantic attraction sparingly” or “have a hard time distinguishing platonic from romantic” or the other common definitions I’ve seen around, but rather “I used to feel romantic attraction all the time, but now only feel it towards one person and if that were to go away, I wouldn’t feel it at all”

Sometimes I doubt myself, thinking maybe I’m experiencing crushes and just don’t realize it or am in denial. But then I think about it again and tell my doubt to shut up because that’s wrong and I know it

And wow that was a lot and I’m pretty sure I spent ~4 hours writing this without realizing it. I hope this answered your question though!! Word vomiting like this helped me realize a few things myself

Also wow I need therapy more than I thought

#mail time #anonymous #ace #asexual #aro #aromantic #greyro #arospec #aspec #Anonymous

[halflingkima]

Mid-Year Book Freakout Tag

I wasn’t tagged, I just watched a lotta them on youtube. I wanted to feel included. Also I’ve read more in the 6-7 months of 2020 than all of the past five years put together, so I wanted to sorta celebrate.

my goodreads | my storygraph

Q&As under the cut. (I hope read mores work on mobile, if not, im so sorry)

1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2020

Still, Normal People by Sally Rooney. Never had literary fiction hit so hard before. Still shocked that I somehow empathized with/liked the male lead more than the female lead. Still afraid to watch the series bc what if it’s not as good. I read this way back at the beginning of March and I’m honestly not surprised nothing has come close. This wasn’t just 5 stars, this was a new all-time favorite.

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2020

I really haven’t read many sequels this year. I’ve literally read Mortal Instruments 4&5, Artemis Fowl 2-4, Authority by Jeff Vandermeer, and Dark & Dazzling by Elizabeth Varlet and hated them all, so I guess the “best” sequel goes to Perfect by Cecelia Ahern. Both Flawed & Perfect were middling reads, 3 stars, and I found them a little uncomfortable in relation to “cancel culture” discourse, but at least they were entertaining, I guess?

3. New release you haven’t read yet, but want to

I’m really not big on new releases in the slightest (see: unemployed), but I have found You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat through my library’s hoopla, and I do plan on reading it soon. Honorable Mention to Love, Creekwood by Becky Albertalli, but I have a feeling that’ll be a little more difficult to get my hands on.

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

I have no clue how ppl learn abt upcoming releases and no desire to learn, as they mean next to nothing to me, a broke bitch. So I’mma say Loveless by Alice Oseman before it drops in four days. I’ve not read Alice Oseman before but I am SO thirsty for aro and/or ace rep.........

5. Biggest disappointment

The Confession by Jo Spain. It’s classified as a psychological thriller and reviews hailed it as “dark” and “twisting” and “gripping” and I was literally just bored. It’s not a thriller, it’s not even a mystery, it’s just a sequence of [awful] events told in an entertaining method – which is why it’s 2 stars. Literally none of it surprised me. (Coffee Cake by Michaela Grey was probably a bigger disappointment, but I didn’t expect much in the first place)

6. Biggest surprise

Honestly, Normal People, probably? I went in without expectations and came out a different person so. I’d say that qualifies.

7. Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

The only author I’ve read more than one book by and loved both was Annabeth Albert. Both Knit Tight and Conventionally Yours were 5 star reads, and I’d not read her before. I’m a little wary that she could be a cishet white woman writing only m/m but the stories themselves have not seemed fetishizing upon reading them so I’m gonna be optimistic here. I love the bg rep and would flip my lid if she published a f/f story, but hopes are not high.

8. Newest fictional crush

I was definitely into a couple of the side character girls in Skyward by Brandon Sanderson, but I don’t rmr their names :(( Otherwise probably Zafir from All the Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher. I mean, I don’t rly think abt him since reading the book, but while reading it BOY did I wanna be Brennan lmao.

9. Newest favorite character

Really loved Connell from Normal People, so he probably wins. Ayla and Crier from Crier’s War by Nina Varela and Spensa from Skyward are close followers tho.

10. Book that made you cry

Nothing has made me really cry this year? I did get a little misty-eyed reading Normal People, and I’ve shed a tear or two of joy at HEAs in a couple romances. The Parting Glass by Nina Marie Guadagnino was really fucking depressing, if that counts.

11. Book that made you happy

In addition to both Annabeth Alberts mentioned previously, All The Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher made me happy in a rly specific and unique way. It definitely could’ve been better and had more depth, but as I mentioned, I’m hella thirsty for ace rep (and it turns out I have a weakness for bi dads)

12. Most beautiful book you’ve bought so far this year (or received)

The last gift books I recieved were technically from 2019, and I’ve only bought 5 thus far (which is a lot for me but also: quarantine) – the original Shannara trilogy, Complete Stories of Zora Neale Hurston, and How Long Til Black Future Month by NK Jemisin and I gotta say that one has to win. I love the front cover, but the yellow spine just really [clenches fist]

13. What books do you need to read by the end of the year?

I mean I’d like to get through everything on my immediate TBR, including the books I most recently bought for myself, but I’m thinking I definitely need to read A Line Made by Walking by Sara Baume bc I have a physical copy from the library and I think they want it back eventually. I haven’t gotten to it yet bc I can tell it’s gonna be 5 stars but I wanna make sure I’m in the best possible mood to read it so I can experience it In Full, y’know?

14. Favorite book community member

I don’t really consider myself part of a book community, but I do like talkin’ bout books. Guro’s a solid 50% of the reason I began reading again, Starlah is my favorite booktuber, and I’m enjoying watching Mina’s videos while following her here on tumblr. Also my mom, bc I can finish a book and then throw it at her and yell “read this” and if she does, we can discuss it lol

#maddy's reads