#want to say i am not excusing any of this bc its work but. this is specifically for the people

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[rookiesbookies]

Please I need more strength kink like you wrote for König but for the text of the COD men. Does Soap show off and lift heavier when he sees you saunter into the gym? Does Ghost try not to pay attention as you stare? I am down bad for these boys

So this is the most recent ask Ive gotten but dont fret my other requesters, yalls are taking more time bc they’re longer form pieces (I dont want to spoil but honeymoon/consummation night with Ghost (doing some research for this one), some Konig wifey bits (there’s two or three), and Ghost’s wife wearing his mask) Im so excited you all are interacting with me I just wanna say. I love you all *MUAH* big kiss.

Also I took Keegan off this one bc I don’t think I have a lot of Keegan fans reading? (ik I love him tho) so if anyone wants it just put a comment and I’ll write one and edit it so its in here.

Edit right here: I put Keegan down at the bottom. Dw Keegan girlies he’s here now.

Another edit: I put Krueger bc a reblog asked for it

Without much more here’s:

Strength Kink with the 141

Masterlist is pinned as always, also let me know if yall want any as full blown fics.

Price

Price is an “old dog” as he calls himself. He knows he’s getting softer, the wrinkles are setting in, he doesn't quite have the body he used to as a LT. Kinda got a dad bod after adopting 3 boys.

First time he sees you drool over him? He is down fucking bad. Will do anything to see his sweet lady all red in the face over him again.

Fucking saunters over to you, hits you with “you can feel if ya like, love. Go on.” just holds his arms away from his chest while he’s in his tank top.

If you take him up on this offer (and I assume yall are dating at this point) and even just grab at a peck, he is tense. His abs are tight, his butt is clenched, he is doing it all to seem like he still has his young and sharp LT body.

He knows you dont care and love his dad bod and all his soft pillowy goodness but sometimes he feels like the pillsbury dough boy.

Absolutely would pick you up and carry you bridal style at any chance.

Tells you he’s “just practicing” however he is very clearly showing off.

If you come find him at the gym to drool all over him, that max he was only supposed to do one of per set, he is not repping.

“John, are you sure- I’ve never seen you lift this much you look red-”

“I'm alright, love, just doing my reps trying to set a new pr.” Little do you know that by repping this, this is his new pr.

Gaz and Soap are sitting there mouth open because Price has never done that and not fallen over and now he just KEEPS. GOING.

And Price’s wife just keeps drooling over him as Simon spots the poor guy.

(This is what i mean btw)

Soap

The worst about it of them all.

I'm telling you right now, if you have an oral fixation on his muscles, he will mate for life like a swan. Because if you mark up his muscles he will do EVERY SINGLE WORK OUT shirtless until Ghost is like “Johnny. You look like a slut and smell like a whore with all that cologne. We’re in the bloody gym.”

He will walk around shirtless in the tightest sweatpants to show off his thighs and abs to you.

Will bench press you.

Put your weight on the hip thrust and will call you over or send videos of him doing it.

If you’re sitting somewhere he will just pick you up and move you for the hell of it under the excuse he wanted to sit there just to see you get red.

If you compliment his body once, I'M TELLING YOU ONE TIME, he will buy the TIGHTEST shirts imaginable around the house to show off his shoulders, back, pecs, biceps, and abs.

If you even mention having a bad day, your face is going between his pecs. He also absolutely can do the thing where he can flex them one at a time and he does it 24/7 for fun.

Catch him planking at the gym?

Feeling bold?Let’s shimmy under the poor bastard to look up at him.

“Do push ups.”

“Bonnie, the fuck you mean-”

“Come down, get a kiss, and go back up?”

“And if I fall? Which I won’t but I gotta ask.”

“Can’t feel any worse than when you dive onto the bed to wake me up in the mornings.”

He’s floored. Goes down, gets his kiss, comes up.

Price has watched Soap do more pushups than he ever has outside of a punishment when he was in basic training. Johnny has half the mind to let himself drop, smoother you in sweaty hugs and kisses. But he doesn’t. Not until he’s shown off. It’s embarrassing how much sweat is dripping from him though. He’ll just say you both need a shower.

Ghost

Totally doesn't flex when he hugs you.

Oh you think he does?

If you ask him, you’re wrong. Simon is the most casual of them all.

He’ll just randomly pick you up.

Like throw you over his shoulder, hold you like a koala, bridal style, you name it. Unlike Price, who is more careful about it, Simon has been doing exercises to work on his balance so he can safely carry you down a flight on stairs.

If he catches you staring, its over for him. He’s blushing under his lil mask, acting like he doesnt see you.

If you walk up and open your mouth to talk to him, he’s not listening to a word of that blabbery. He’s focused on the way you watch his legs while he’s in the leg press. How if he flexes a bit more you have the pause so you don’t choke on your words.

If you’re the bold on and you get down to the level of his head because he can’t easily escape this machine right now to say something. I'm thinking like a “Simon, I’m going to need a thigh riding session at 1800 hours. Put that on your damn schedule.” And just walk out. Don’t elaborate.

He’s struggling to get out of the machine, considering chasing after you, possibly having a stroke over it. He’s so flustered he’s down right gasping for air. If he didn’t have shit to do today he’d scoop you up and show you want all these muscles could do just to get you to feel like how flustered he is.

Konig

(see the fic about his wife seeing him lift, its on my masterlist (its pinned))

Gaz

By the time you’ve started dating, you know Gaz is jacked. Just look at him ffs. Anyone could see it.

So you do the only reasonable thing and insist on being his gym partner.

And in turn he will insist on spotting your squats.

If you get so nervous you fail a set his plan springs into action. Bro has it lifted in one hand. He doesn't care if it's a lot. He WILL be lifting it in one hand just so you can see how strong he is.

“Kiss for your savor?” He asks.

“Sure.” You reply, pecking his lips.

But no no no.

“Love, I meant you’re actual savor.” He’d say, flexing that one arm and pointing to it.

Just roll your eyes and do it. It’s easier.

He is GLOWING for the rest of the day. He will now take any and all opportunities to lift heavy things for you.

That big box? Lifted. Come kiss his muscles. Cuz if you don’t he's picking you up and putting you in air jail for being ungrateful.

I feel like because Gaz is so lean its kinda a sleeper build situation? Could be completely using that term wrong but IDC.

Lowkey loves nothing more than you feeling up his abs under his shirt when yall are going to bed. Like your hands feel so nice on them when he’s flexing extra hard so they’re rock solid for you.

First time yall cuddled he almost passed out because he was trying to keep his muscles flexed for so long.

Edit: here’s Keegan

Keegan

Keegan was always walking around the house in the sluttiest tank tops and the lowest waist line sweatpants you’ve ever seen.

He had been showing off since he first met you, so I’ll tell you how it happened.

What did he wear on your first date? Tight ass t shirt and a leather jacket with black jeans.

He essentially was giving a strip show when he slowly took off that jacket, made sure you were watching when he did it with a smug look.

“What wrong, doll? Distracted?” He was definitely flexing hard. Pecs and biceps on full display and don't get me started on how he was clenching to get his abs to show through.

He made sure to get real close to.

Oh dear is that a dirty puddle, let him just… yk… casually pick you up to carry you over the smallest puddle ever.

And when he’s at the gym? You are getting tons of selfies. Those videos of him curling weights that are slightly too heavy all because he knows you like the sound of the groans he makes as he struggles to lift it. Oh he is hip thrusting your weight and a half, so you know you’ll never be too heavy. There’s a video he sent that was 10+ minutes of just him thrusting your weight. You honestly thought it was looped.

Oh and he carries your weight when he runs on the treadmill so he knows he and run and keep you safe if need be.

Here’s Krueger (i got carried away, enjoy)

Krueger:

Sebstian knows he’s already strong.

Picking you up and benching you is his favorite hobby. The way you can't help but giggle and he has to scold you to stop wiggling.

He’s always throw around his weight with you. He knows he’s a big. He loves to lay on you to stop you from moving.

Loves to have you lay on his torso with the weight at his hips as he works on his hip thrusts. Got kicked out of a gym because it was dangerous so he got weights to do it at home. Will do it shirtless so you can trace his tattoos.

Definitely has never told you he committed murder because he doesn’t want you to stop looking at him like he’s your savior as you rub his sore muscles.

God he loves having you rub his muscles, he just tries not to drool as you rub his calves and biceps with all the force your hands can muster to gently rub the knots away. One time he felt so good he almost cried as you rubbed one out of the back of his neck, he got so bricked he couldnt help it he felt like he was gasping for air the pleasure was so intense.

He’d never tell you that tho, no he’d rather die and speak up and tell you how good it feels when your massage his muscles while planting small kisses after every knot you work out. Definitely going to keep asking you to work his aches away… wonder if he can convince you he has a knot in his dick, no no wouldn’t do that to you not yet.

#cod x reader #call of duty #john price #captain price #konig call of duty #konig x reader #konig #soap x you #john soap mctavish x reader #soap cod #soap x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick

[earthtooz]

𝟐:𝟎𝟑 𝐀𝐌

fluff, hints at a fight that happened so minimal hurt/comfort, sooo much swearing, ooc rin bc he's so hard to write wtf he has a personality of an apple but i love him <3

it’s 2 am.

it’s 2 am and someone is knocking on your door like a madman.

you were simply trying to catch some shut eye, exhausted from a day of grieving and almost breaking down into tears on several occasions. the accumulation of a shitty day, a stressful deadline, and the massive fight you had with your boyfriend, itoshi rin, two days ago, really committed to keeping your day melancholic at best. sleep was everything you needed right now, both for its regenerative and escapist purposes.

yet again, you really cannot catch a break from the spite of the universe because it is out of rage that you find yourself walking towards your front door; an anger that dissipates when you see who it is on the other side.

1/3 of the reason why your day sucked. your painfully beautiful boyfriend.

the argument you had with rin was left open-ended on whether the relationship should continue or not. to you, it seemed as though both parties were at different opinions, with you wanting to maintain what you had. after two days of not responding to your texts, you suppose that that had been a short way of answering the ambiguity.

willingly, although reluctantly, you open the door, preparing to end something that you were not ready to let go.

he’s sweaty and he’s panting. did he run up the stairs or something, why is he so puffed? how is he so pretty despite that?

“hey,” you begin, feeling small in his presence. rin bores through you with his teal eyes, not saying anything. you cringe at the silence.

“i appreciate the effort but y’know, if you wanted to make our breakup official couldn’t you have done it at a reasonable hour, rin?”

his eyes narrow at that statement, betraying his usually stoic expression with furrowed brows and an agape mouth. confused. he’s confused, but you don’t see any of it because you find the floor more interesting than your boyfriend (?).

with a deep inhale, you just decide to go for it. if he’s not going to declare it, then you will. “look, rin, maybe you’re right, if this relationship is holding you back then maybe it is best we-“

“-the olive theory.”

“excuse me?”

the first words this man utters to you after two days… is the olive theory?

the dark-haired continues. “the olive theory, we’re- we’re supposed to be compatible.”

you are way over your head right now. did you even wake up? is this a dream? why is your, usually all-straight-talk, boyfriend talking to you about the olive theory at 2am, stammering whilst doing so? what kind of hallucination is this?

“rin, what?”

“i like olives, you hate them, we’re meant to work, and i don’t think i can continue on like this.”

you blink once, twice, three times before pointing at him. “you’re telling me that we’re compatible, yet in the same sentence, telling me that we should break up?”

"i didn’t want to break up?”

“but you just said you can’t continue on like this, what else do you mean?” your voice is at a hushed whisper at best, and although you wanted to raise it louder, you fear that your neighbours would not be happy.

“i meant that i can’t continue on without you!”

silence.

“i’ve become so co-dependent on you that i fucking hate it. i can’t fucking function without you, even that fuckhead isagi knows that i’m off and it’s all because of you. it’s only been two fucking days and i’m not landing 60% of my goals, i’m not receiving 20% of my passes correctly, and i keep tripping over myself, you’re ruining me, y/n.”

the flurry of emotions within you triples, and you’re so flabbergasted that no words can escape your mouth. truthfully, you can't think straight, but if you could, the words would fizzle out in your throat before they even saw the light of day.

“if i have to suffer any more of this stupid silence between us then i might kill a bitch. that bitch being the antennae freak.”

even more silence, and rin is practically begging you with his gaze to say something. funnily enough, the next thing you murmur is out of reflex: “don’t say that about shidou.”

he groans. “if i didn’t love you, i would choke you right now.” wow, itoshi rin has a way with words.

the threat causes you to crack a smile. “well, good thing you love me,” you mutter whilst grabbing him by the wrists to pull him inside your apartment. “and it’s a good thing i love you too.”

“well no shit, we’ve been in a relationship for-“

“-shut up and kiss me, you smooth talker.”

the soccer player smirks in amusement before leaning forward, closing the physical and metaphorical space between you, soothing the heartache with gentle touches and a fervent need to love one another.

༊* BONUS:

“why are you here at 2 am? i thought you, of all people, would be fast asleep.”

“tried to, can’t sleep without you- you’re a real pain in my ass, you know that?”

you smile fondly as he hooks an arm around you waist, collapsing into you as a way of saying that he doesn’t mean his rough words. “so i’m just another bedwarmer?” you ask teasingly.

he grumbles a ‘tch’, digging his nose into your nape. “you’re an idiot.”

“thank you, love. speaking of bedwarming, can we go to sleep?” perfectly paired with a yawn, rin looks at you with slight guilt in his eyes before dragging you down the memorised path to your bedroom.

once there, he wastes little time in dragging you into the sanctuary of your bed, and you let out a sigh of content when rin turns off the lights and pulls the covers up. instinctively, your hands retreat to his hair, carding through them.

he’s holding you close, hands resting protectively around your waist.

“we have a lot to talk about in the morning, but did you not get any of my texts?”

“you texted?”

“…yeah?”

“oh yeah, i remember now that i blocked you after our fight.”

you mercilessly smother him with your pillow.

#this was shitty- but if you enjoyed feel free to reblog !!!!! 😁😁😁 #i'm so tired and sleepy #i can't be fucked to tag this #but i will #itoshi rin x reader #rin x reader #rin itoshi x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi rin fluff #blue lock fluff #itoshi rin x you #rin x you #rin itoshi x you

[jadeittic]

Hi, so if your doing wednesday request ,may I request Xavier Thorpe x wednesday twin brother please?

DEATH OF ME

XAVIER THORPE + MALE!ADDAMS TWIN!READER

In which Wednesday Addams notices that her twin brother might have developed an interest to a familiar artistic schoolmate of theirs.

WARNINGS: swearing, really shitty bcs idk how to write but here u go anyway

YN Addams was known for lots of things. Number one was being Wednesday Addams' twin brother - and being her twin brother came with its pros and cons, but it was bearable (he once almost died due to lack of oxygen due to being locked in a coffin after he dropped a colored pencil on Wednesday's bedroom floor).

Nevertheless, people would expect YN to be a lot like his sister; gothic, obsessed with death, or just to simplify; a gothic sadist.

Gothic, yes, but not too much. YN would rather be naked in public than wear anything with color. One drop of anything other than black or white in the Addams' household and you're dead. Literally.

The obsessiveness with death was up to Wednesday, that's her job. YN Addams was almost the complete opposite. Black and white clothes still make an appearance all the time, but at first glance you wouldn't even spare a thought thinking he'd be an Addams.

One thing that Wednesday dislikes about YN a lot is how he doesn't act as creepily as she does. He was...sweet. Which was weird, considering he was an Addams. YN had this open personality which was just free and happy. He also has this side where if you mess with him, or just piss him off in any way, expect a Wednesday Addams male version. And let me tell you, you do not want him to get mad at you.

And Xavier never really cared about that. Ever since the Addams twins transferred due to...past stuff in the last school, YN caught the artist's attention. He just stood out in the family, is all.

--

FIRST DAY AT NEVERMORE

YN sucked at navigating. Wednesday left him to check out her room with her new roommate which she dreaded to have. YN's been wandering around, trying to find the principal, or just any student at all, when his eyes spotted a boy. this boy had his hair fallen down, almost reaching his shoulders. Blazer's sleeves rolled up with a paintbrush occupying his hand. He was painting.

YN walked up to him and looked at the ladder he was on and hoped that this mysterious boy would notice his presence without him needed to say anything, which didn't work.

"Hey?" YN asks, already seeming to be losing patience in a short amount of time (something the Addams have). YN failed to notice the earbuds he had on due to his beautif-- long hair. He seemed to not see the boy underneath him, until he saw a hand appear in his sight.

Taking off his earbuds and stepping off the ladder, he looked over t the person and took a good look.

"You new here? Haven't really seen you around," he asks, eyes wandering around YN's face. His eyes, which held some sort of emotion he couldn't really place a name on. His hair, plain black, yet so beautiful, such as his clothes and eyes. His lips, placed in a natural frown- Why was he looing at his lips?

"---where they are?" He was soon pulled out of his trance when he saw the soft lips he was just staring at move. Shit, had he been caught?

"Excuse me?"

"I was asking if you know where these classes are? I just transferred here and i have absolutely no idea where anything is." God, Xavier thought he was adorable. Wait, what? Xavier Thorpe, Nevermore's sappy teenager has found an interest to another person whose name he hasn't even known yet?

Xavier saw a chance and he took it. He wanted to know more about this mystery new student in his school. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to have a school crush again, am I right?

"I could give you a tour around the school, if you'd like. I'm free in about an hour." YN wasn't sure with what his answer would be. Would it be worth it? If he'd be honest, he thinks the boy in front of him was a fairly attractive man. Mind you, we get a school tour, and a chat with him.

"Sure. YN Addams.”

“YN Addams…like the Addams family?” Xavier wasn’t trying to be rude, let alone offend YN. He was just…surprised?

YN continued to ignore his question, as he waited for his name. The name he's been wanting to know since he first talked to him.

"Oh- uhm, Xavier. My name's Xavier Thorpe." Xavier Thorpe. It had a nice ring to it, if YN would be completely honest.

"I'll wait for you, Xavier Thorpe."

--

Ever since then, they've been inseparable. As so would say, "Thorpe and Addams, what an unusual pair", was now old news to them. Little did they know they've been yearning for love. Love for one another.

At this point, Wednesday had noticed. The long stares at each other when one isn't looking, their seats getting closer and closer by the day, And oh god, don't even make her think about the desperate gazes at their lips. It was like she was watching some romantic show, which she hated. A lot.

Wednesday wanted to talk to YN about this, but of course, he'd be busy because he'd be 'hanging out with Xavier at his shed', and that he'd be 'making it up to you soon, just don't worry about it, yeah?'.

Now was the perfect timing. Now with Enid gone somewhere around the school, Xavier busy being in detention, YN was just hanging out with his sister. Wednesday's been writing for the past hour, and just couldn't stop herself from asking,

"Do you find Xavier Thorpe intriguing?"

Looking up from the uninteresting book yn got from his sister’s desk, to her shadowed eyes, which held interest into her brother’s answer to her question.

“What?”

“Do you like him?” there’s no way YN is going to get away without answering her question, should he tell her? Not that she’d care, but YN was just worried. Which again, might not be an Addams trait.

“Tell him.” what?

"what?” YN repeated again. Wednesday never really took anyone’s emotions to heart, constantly just ignoring them and would sooner forget them. Why was she telling him to tell Xavier?

“Go. Tell him what he needs to be told.” it was like Wednesday was begging for her brother to leave and tell Xavier. She’s been there in the ups and downs of their friendship and she’s noticed their feelings develop into something bigger. She’d never admit it, but she really does hope it works out for her brother and her… friend?

After a long moment of silence, YN stood up from his spot and headed to the door. He could no longer feel the stare of his sisters while he walked through the empty room. A moment of gratitude was shared in the silence, they both will remember that forever.

God, YN didn’t even know what he’d say. What if he makes a complete fool of himself? Would Xavier hate him after he finds out? would he still even accept YN as a fr-

Knock, knock, knock.

YN realises he’s never left the room, he was just in front of the door, completely overthinking his whole situation. YN's forgot about Wednesday being in the room, until she pointed out that someone has knocked the door.

What YN didn't expect is that Xavier was at the door, Xavier Thorp, knocking at Wednesday addams’ room door. Why?

“Oh, hey. Figured you were here, can we talk?” Xavier wants to talk? about what? Was it the same reason YN wanted to talk to him about as well?

Walking out of the room and closing the door behind, the pair refused to look at each other. It was as if they were both nervous about something. Well, YN was. And Xavier didn’t know that, neither did YN know Xavier’s been feeling nervous ever since the start of the day.

“What’s up?” YN first spoke up. Fuck, the silence was deafening. YN just wanted to tell xavier how he feels and just kiss his soft li-

“I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a really, really long time, and I am so fucking sure you’re going to hate me for this. I just like you, like a lot. And its not just in a platonic and friendly way, I like you romantically and I just want us to be more than what we are now. You can hate me it’s fine, I just wanted to tell you-“

“Xavier-“

“About how I feel because it’s just so hard keeping my feelings when you’re being so stupidly perfect. your stupid hair, your stupid eyes, your stupid lips that I just want to fee-“

“I like you too.”

“See? I like you too! And I just hope, I just really hope that you’d- what did you just say?”

“I like you too, Xavier Thorpe.”

Wide grins were painted on the pair’s faces. So wide their cheeks were starting to hurt, but they couldn’t care less because of what just happened.

“You do?” Xavier’s eyes were going glossy, in disbelief that this is all happening. The love of his life-YN Addams, likes him back. YN nodded sheepishly, now embarrassed that Xavier knew.

“You’re going to be the death of me, YN Addams.”

#wednesday #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams x reader #tyler galpin x reader #xavier thorpe x reader #enid sinclair x reader #bianca barclay x reader #ajax petropolus x reader #jadeittic

[pinkaditty]

Idia Shroud Thoughts (Twisted Wonderland)

summary: a small collection of thoughts about Idia Shroud to cure my endless brainrot. some nsfw, some sfw. either way, 18+.

a/n: okok i promise I AM WORKING ON THE OBEY ME PERV THING ok i am i swear i promise <3. I just recently started playing Twisted Wonderland again after having uninstalled it like, a year or so ago and i immediately reentered my Idia Shroud brainrot bc he's my fav! more for the other of age characters will be coming soon. silent readers won't be blocked but psa that i do love it when you leave comments, likes, and asks!

PLEASE NOTE THAT I WILL NOT WRITE ANYTHING 18+ FOR CHARACTERS THAT ARE CANONICALLY UNDER 18, AND THAT INCLUDES THE CHARACTERS IN TWST, EVEN IF THEY ARE IN COLLEGE. I WILL NOT AGE THEM UP FOR SEXUALIZATION PURPOSES EITHER. IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE. PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY. thank you! :)

cw: uwaaa as per usual! some smut implication, gn!reader though mention of underwear is present, sub!idia, annnnd i think that's it. please lmk if i missed anything triggering!

also as per usual! MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI. DNI DNI DNI!!! PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

Idia Shroud who is...

Idia Shroud who is nervous.

He wasn’t the one to first approach. He was perfectly fine with watching you from afar, daydreams of you placating his intense yearning, and fantasies of you fueling his wet dreams and satisfying his libido. He was fine just being a background character until you grew closer. His nerves ate him alive whenever you approached, and he almost resorted to his old habit of talking through a tablet. But he managed, and you became friends. Every time you were close, he knew it would never be enough. Even when you got close enough to give the occasional hug or playfully punch him in the shoulder after a crushing video game loss, he knew these touches would only make it worse. But he couldn’t stop. He wanted to milk you dry of all the affection you were willing to give him, because it made him thrive, and only made his pining worse. Helping you with classwork, showing you his favorite video games, and inviting you over to do nothing together… It got worse and worse and worse for him until he was at rock bottom, believing his degeneracy could not get any worse. The dreams, the pretending, the yearning… It had taken its toll. Until you confessed. 

Idia Shroud who is possessive.

Not too possessive, but enough. His insecurities fuel his possessiveness, especially when he sees you talking to popular heartthrob Leona or sly tease Trey. His jealousy rises quickly and he can feel the roots of his hair blaze, turning orange before quickly fading back to blue. He cannot afford to lose his temper. It is times like these when he starts thinking about how you deserve someone better than a shut in, but he cannot bring himself to not cling to you. He simply must. Demonstrate that you love and want him and he’ll be happy. He cannot say that the occasional haunting thought of keeping you all to himself is not attractive, though.

Idia Shroud who is inexperienced. 

He’d had the occasional kindergarten or juvenile “relationship”, in which all it took to get a partner was sharing your snacks and offering a flower during recess. He was more innocent then, and less of a recluse. But over the years, he only found more and more reasons to shut himself in, and continued to find them until he didn’t need excuses anymore. The most he’s ever done is hold hands and hug, but even that was with family or when he was five years old. 

When you so much as lean on his shoulder he short circuits and stiffens, unsure of what he should do. When you grab his hand he freezes in place, wide eyed like a deer in headlights. When you kiss his cheek he jumps, shrinking in on himself and looking at you questioningly. It takes him a long time to even blush at these interactions, realizing that they come from a place of fondness and not emotionlessness or malicious intent. When he’s finally comfortable, doing these things in public will spook him immensely, but doing it in private is just fine. He’ll melt into your touches like he’s never been loved before. The thumping of your heart will be enough to soothe him to rest and a twitch of your fingers will be enough for him to grab yours, intertwining his fingers with them. He will breathe and you will be there and that will be enough. 

Don’t kiss him yet, though. You’d have to wait a few months to do that with him. 

Idia Shroud who is a pervert.

He simply cannot get enough of your smell. He doesn’t even mind if it's strong. It doesn’t matter. He will bury his face in your neck when you two are in private, and will do far worse when he’s alone. He often nicks your dirty clothes when he comes by your dorm. He usually takes worn shirts, hoodies, and bras (if you wear them), but will occasionally take a pair of your intimates. What he does with all those is obvious. He often sleeps with them, holding your clothes close to his face and inhaling your scent, pretending he was brave enough to convince you to stay over. And when a growing need makes itself known in his abdomen and his head starts to spin, he’ll wait til he’s alone before pulling out your intimates and shamefully pressing his face into them, wrapping a hand around his length. 

Idia Shroud who is submissive.

Well yes, he knows what sex is, he’s an adult. What he doesn’t know is all the particulars, how fond and loving it could be, how intense and overstimulating it could be, and just how many breaks he’d need to take. Before being with you, all he’d known was that watching hentai was enough to get him off. He knew what he liked in theory, all the twisted hentai fantasies locked under several layers of encryption on his laptop. But he didn’t know what he actually liked. He had never had anyone truly touch him before. When your fingers run down his arm or press into his thigh, he doesn’t know how to react. And when you touch bare skin, it’s even worse. It took you a long time to even kiss him, and it’ll take far longer to initiate and maintain any sort of extensive physical intimacy. But when he’s finally comfortable, you start out slow. You go no further than his torso for a few months, touching him carefully, paying attention to every hitched breath, gasp, and mumble that came from him, memorizing what he liked. When he says it’s alright, you’ll touch his thighs, and if he’s feeling brave, he’ll let you squeeze them and ghost your fingers close to his groin. With your permission, he’ll press his hands to your chest and hold you by your waist, and if he’s brave enough, he’ll squeeze your hips, too. When he finally lets you see his length, the two of you are limited to mutual masturbation for a while, foreheads pressed together and pleasured sighs mixing together. In the passing months, when he’s ready for more, you’ll start touching him, and he’ll start touching you, getting each other off instead of mutual masturbation. And finally, when he decides he’s truly ready, he’ll tell you, and he’ll let you take the lead and pin him to the nearest piece of furniture. 

Idia Shroud who is insatiable.

You’ve had him once, and you’ll have him again, and again, and again. After the first time, you worked together to see what felt and worked right for both of you, and once it was perfected, it just kept happening. He couldn’t get enough. He loved your touch, your taste, and all the sounds you’d make, and he loved how you made him feel. Each time he finished, whether he was inside or outside of you, under you or over you, taking what you had or doing the work, he always felt overwhelmingly yours. And he wanted to be yours over and over and over again, and he wanted you to remind him that he belonged to you each and every time. After taking control of things his whole life, it is immeasurably pleasurable to leave all the decisions to someone else. To be purely at their mercy, knowing he is safe in their arms. He cannot get enough of that feeling, and it’s all the better that it’s with you.

Idia Shroud who is in love with you.

a/n: screams and yells and kicks my feet i love him sm!! anyways i really really hope u guys like this one bc i actually really like this one. i think i did an exceptionally good job this time. again more will be coming for the other 18+ characs, like Trey and Cater and Vil and Rook and possibly Leona. I'll do the profs if asked, maybe, but the reader WILL NOT be a student. again i do appreciate likes, comments, reblogs, and asks!! thank you all so much!

#twisted wonderland #twst #idia shroud #twst wonderland #twst x reader #twst idia #idia smut #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud twst #idia shroud smut #twisted wonderland smut #twst smut #idia shroud x yuu

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

(Until s6 comes out i am living in my own world where anyrhing can happen btw. So lila is still gonna be a student in their class until otherwise proven)

Anyway my first wish is for lila and marinette to figure out each others’ identities so they can have extremely petty arguments that no one else in the room can understand. Marinette being like “well i think Lila should have done more of the group project essay because I didnt sleep because Someone sent an akuma to my roof at 2am and made so much noise” and everyone can very gently be like “okay? Marinette please stop yelling, its not Lila’s fault that happened” and Marinette can be like “it IS her fault she’s ruining my life” and Lila can be like “well maybe if you weren’t such an annoying little stubborn jerk the akumas wouldnt be bugging you. Maybe this is karma.” and marinette can hiss at her loudly and everyone in the room can be like. Okay. Okay. What is this energy

My second wish is for marinette and lila to constanrly disappear at the same time (bc of akuma fights) and accidentally have to start coordinating their excuses because both of them have identities to hide. Because theyre stupid. So they start passing each other notes like “okay today we’re gonna say we saw a lost puppy while running and had to take it to the vet. Here’s the details to keep our story straight” (neither of them know adriens identity so neither notice he Also disappears at the same time)

My third wish is for Lila to join the resistance as an undercover agent to try to usurp it except it turns out the resistance doesn’t have Any information about anything ladybug related but Lila gets in over her head and ends up trapped in a cycle of making “we love you ladybug youre so strong and cool!!” Glitter posters every single day and whenever she tries to lie her way out of it instead of just saying she doesnt want to, nino’s like “omg no problem!!!! I’ll get you new resistance activities that work better with your needs!!! That’s what friends are for!!!”

My fourth wish is for lila to crack under all this pressure, and start monologuing so passionately to her accomplice chloé that it accidentally turns into into a makeout session.

#ml spoilers #ml s5 spoilers #ml s5 finale #ml recreation #ml theory #in a loose sense of the word #chlolila #lila rossi

[diviinaee]

HHAHAHAHAHAHA OK SO THAT QUINN AUDIO WAS SEVERE HEALING FOR ME

obvi spoilers for Facing Your Cruel Vampire Ex

DAMN THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING BRO

first off i imagine at the beginning darlin is on a lil patio/balcony of the department, looking over the horizon, thinking about how they could ever hurt quinn in the way he hurt them

SAM COMING IN WITH THE FUCKING COMFORT WE ALL NEED I FUCKING LOVE HIM

the way he asked if they truly want to do this.

(ignore philosophy div for opening her mouth):

Is it truly you who wants revenge, or is it the angry, young, broken part of you, just wanting closure?

AND THAT I SAY BOTH BITCH. Who says closure can't be beating the shit out of an abuser? 😻🫶🏽‼️

ALSO DAVID SLAYED THESE PAST FEW VIDS. LIKE YUH BRIBE THE GOVERNMENT ‼️‼️

thank FUCK that mf is magically bound AND has his core muted bc istg if he would've tranced them i think i wouldve needed a lobotomy to process that /hj

ight so.

his nickname for them still IRKS me

again. DID ERIK CONTACT MY EX FOR THIS DIALOUGE CAUSE OUUCH.

"I'd hate to think my favorite thrall was hurting, at least in a way they didn't ask for." - THE GASLIGHTING AND VICTIM BLAMING IS FUCKING ATROCIOUS

idgaf if it's pathetic to fight someone who can't fight back bc its pathetic to hurt others to make yourself seem stronger 🫡

OH OKAY.

"Even after years and miles apart, short-temper, volatile nature, a fury inside that you desperately throw to any direction to keep it from pointing inward again. I guess now that you can't use my fangs to punish yourself and your new toy won't use his, you've had to find other ways to work through your pain. Apparently by putting it on others. How articulate of you."

CAN I TALK MY SHIT AGAIN?

QUINN IS OUTWARDLY VICTIM-BLAMING THIS POOR WOLF LITERALLY EVERY MINUTE THAT HIS MOUTH OPENS.

What he is saying is that Darlin' is the true mastermind here. He thinks that claiming that they consented to everything suddenly makes him the victim in their want for vengeance. He even plainly states it in this quote:

"I never did a single thing to you, that you didn't ask for first. [...] I'm not absolving myself of anything Precious. Believe me, I am intimately aware of everything I've ever done to other people. I have more than my fair share of sins. I delight in them. But when comes to you, everything I ever did was at YOUR request."

He is ultimately saying, "Hey I'm not the bad guy because YOU wanted it." He physically harms them during sex and spins it off as an act of self-harm on THEIR part and is using it to emotionally hurt and shame them. NOT TO MENTION, he is deliberately excusing the emotional hurt he also caused during their relationship by making it seem like they consented to that as well. SO. I need all of you to see remember the FIRST EVER SOLO SAM VIDEO.

They are a lone wolf who is hunting Quinn because of the pain that he caused SOMEONE ELSE. HE attacked their friend and they want revenge for that friend. While yes, at some point that revenge became for them as well, Quinn misses the fact that this whole journey of being hunted by Darlin' was because he hurt OTHER people. But that doesn't excuse his reasoning for his behavior in his role in their relationship.

ANYONE. (with a sane mind at least) WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT.

Sure. Let's say that Darlin' WAS a troubled person who asked for pain throughout the relationship. People have kinks. Whatever. BUT, at some point, (if Quinn was sane) he would have asked why Darlin' asks for some much pain. THEN he would have found out that Darlin' felt as though they deserved it, and then he would've told them that they didn't. BECAUSE THAT'S HEALTHY COMMUNICATION. INSTEAD, Quinn sees this broken soul who is "consenting" to pain so that he was an excuse to unleash that pain. It truly is giving, "Hey I warned you so now you can't complain."

wow that was alot for me to just do that section of the video.

ANYWAY.

SLAY QUINN GOT MAD. STAY MAD YOU ASSHOLE.

THIS. QUINN SCREAMING AT THEM TO COME BACK.

HE KNOWS. He knows his effect on them is slipping. He knows they're healing. He is actively trying to make them believe that they are nothing but their time with him. HE KNOWS ALL OF IT. Trust me. I've seen an abuser's reaction to the victim's healing. IT IS LITERALLY THIS. They get so mad that their effect is no longer working. That they can't have someone under them anymore. IT MAKES THEM FEEL WEAK. Quinn truly overestimated himself BECAUSE of the fact that he counted on Darlin's mind. He relied on the idea that they would forever be haunted by him.

OK THATS ENOUGH OF PHILOSOPHY AND PSYCHOLOGY STUDENT DIV NOW MOVING ONTO CHEERLEADER DIV

WOOOOOOO SAM GOT HIS PUNCHES IN LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO

HE PUNCH FOR FRED. FOR BRIGHT EYES. FOR HIMM

also are we gonna ignore thats the first time that bright eyes was mentioned in a LOOOOONG TIME. CAUSE IM NOT. IM GONNA GO BATSHIT CRAZY OVER IT.

we love beating up abusive people. it should be normalized.

thank god for vampiric laws. WE GON WATCH THAT MF DIIEEEEE

LET IT DIE LET IT DIE LET IT SHRIVEL UP AND DIEEEEEE.

anyway anyone catch the fact that the "trip" David is planning is probably HBS.

THANK GOD JUNE IS HERE NOW BC I DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS CANON ANGST.

also if anyone ends up asking me if i'm okay i'm gonna laugh cause I wrote some of this on a hospital bed LMFAOOOHDVBHDF

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted darlin #redacted quinn #redacted shaw pack #redacted sam #redacted david

[lostbutincognito]

i dont follow u here but i followed u back before downsizin , but i like to come to ur blog to get other perspectives when my dash is being dramatic, and its always VERY good points abt VERY true things, like recently with wilbur - not defending him but pointing out both the fixation on him as 'evil' rather than uplifting shubble, and the subsequent dehumanization- i dont get tons of it on my dash but get enough to be glad to have somewhere with . a different perspective so I dont get stuck in the gunk of fandom . and then i saw ppl talking abt qsmp melting, so i rolled by here to see an Actual perspective instead of . the wider fandom , and its still banger points - the double standards and the very very valid question.of . who the hell are these 'higher ups' . this is quackitys smp . who is 'actually' in charge.? and i didnt hear ANYTHING abt 'we need money or qsmp will be shut down' bc that is an absolutely RANCID thing to say and im gonna go . look into where that statement is from lol to see how sugarcoated or whatever it is (if u have like a source or whatever ? like did someone stream or post ? ill hunt it down either way lol) and i cant . HELLO.... 'give us money or we shut down' WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ALL THE MONEY YOUVE BEEN MAKING? what kinda corporate hellscape bs .... uagh . why would u make a project u cant support on your own ? relying on viewers for money to keep this thing going with so many people involved? theres no way theres not enough money if this is an honest thing . ok im gonna go look at stuff but its annoying as hell ty for perspective on things my dash can be . bad abt <3

so I want to be clear this is what I was referencing:

it's not a direct 'give us money or we shut down' but I've already seen people begging Q to sell more qsmp merch so they can support the server which is exactly what I knew was going to happen lol. 'if I don't have money to cover the project the project will end' is a very sensible approach (how else do you want to run a project after all? by not paying the people lol?) but it's also a clear signal to the fanbase, fully conscious or not.

and I am not saying there's anything wrong with wanting to support the project you're passionate about as a fan! but there is something to be said about the business decisions being made in the quackland, considering there's already issues with current merch he's selling never being delivered and the fact that, well, again. if he never noticed people working for him were not compensated AND apparently he said that he's already losing money on the qsmp (I don't have direct source for this one I heard this from my friends)...well. where's the money going man. are people scamming you behind your back, are you this negligent to not know what's going on in your own companies, or are you lying to everyone to cover your own ass?

*sigh*

here's the thing. q is evidently under stupid amounts of stress and we have seen this ever since he started ghosting everyone and pivoted the qsmp from the original vision as presented to us in the beautifully animated intro video to the low quality 'hi we're a worldwide server now' announcement. we don't know why that is, despite the obvious things we can assume. and on a human level I am concerned for him. on any other level than that, well, I just have to ask WHAT IN THE FRESHEST OF HELLS WERE YOU DOING THIS WHOLE YEAR TO LET THINGS COME TO THIS YOU POOR EXCUSE OF A BUSINESSMAN.

#anonylost #also this was such a nice message wtf thank u #the quote is from q's stream tonight

[jazz-bazz]

Zeezee

remember the victorian vampires headcanon that @webbyghoul and i posted in september? and that Webby made into a series of fics including a couple that i wrote?

well we just had a new thought, so if baby Phantom (i think he should be around 5-8 years old here?) calls everyone else as Aunt or Uncle (except for Omega who’s Dad), but there’s no gender neutral form for Rain and Zephyr, what does he call the two then?

Rainy and Zephy would be weird, as it‘s also their nickname from the others sometimes, so I had Phantom call Rain “Rainrain” bcs i thought it’s cute, but it won’t work for Zephyr because Zephzeph is just too much of a mouthful 😂

after some more thinking i came up with “Zeezee“. and then Webby said to me “It's so cute just imagining little Buggy running up to them for the first time saying that and they have no idea who he's talking to until he gets to them.“

zero editing so if you see any mistakes no you dont 😬

Most of the family were gathered in the mostly unused dining room planning a surprise for little Phantom, whose birthday was coming up soon. They had decided on a party, which the little one was excited about, he wanted a bat themed cake with little puppies and for everyone to be wearing a costume. But in addition to that, they also wanted to gift him something special, something meaningful, something that says he’s a part of the family even thought they were still of different species for now, but nobody had any idea yet, not even Dewdrop.

Omega was tasked with distracting the little bug while everyone else brainstormed his present. But he must’ve been having difficulties reigning in the little energy monster, as they heard the sounds of little feet running in the hall shouting, “Zeezee! Zeezee where are you? Dad said you’re somewhere in the house!“

Everyone in the dining room looked at each other with confused faces, “Did Omega get another puppy for Phantom?“ Swiss wondered out loud.

“Not that I know of,” Cumulus replied.

“So who’s Zeezee then?”

Cumulus just shrugged, having no idea herself.

“Maybe a new haunted plushie?” Rain questioned, making Zephyr shiver, the Terzo plushie scared them so much, with its creepy eyes and unmoving mouth, yet it can still communicate somehow.

“But there’s no spirits left here as far as I know,” Mountain as the oldest of the vampires there, and the owner of the mansion, answered.

Meanwhile Phantom kept running around the mansion shouting for the mysterious Zeezee, apparently with Omega chasing after him telling him to slow down and stop.

They all heard the little bug running past the dining room a few seconds before Omega entered, “Kids these days, I’m sorry everyone, I tried my best but he just has to do it now.”

“Do what Megs?” Ifrit asked him the question everyone was wondering about.

“We decided to talk about the party some more, and he had this great idea about his-“

Just then the subject in question opened the door quite loudly, “Zeezee! There you are!” He said walking towards the vampires gathered around one end of the long table.

“Who’s Zeezee, little one?” Cirrus asked him.

“Zeezee! I had an idea for my costume,” Phantom said to Zephyr after he got in front of them, “May I get a suit with a cape like Uncle Swiss has, but pretty like the dress Rainrain wore last week to the ball, but not blue like theirs, can I get them purple like Uncle Aefer‘s eyes, and maybe decorated like Uncle Mounty‘s glasses, and then may-“

“Whoa slow down Buggy, first things first, I’m Zeezee?” Zephyr asked him.

“Well yeah! Dad said you’re like Rainrain, not my uncle not my aunt but something else, but I don’t want to call you just your name because that’s weird because you’re old, so Zeezee! Get it? What do you think?”

“Excuse me I am not old, little one. You’re just really young, that’s all. But I love it! And yes I will make your suit for the party, would you like to come with me to shop for fabrics tomorrow?”

“Yes please!” Phantom said with a big grin, and then he turned to his father, “Can I, Dad? Please?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

~~~

anw i just love the little bug so much 🖤

#victorian vampire ghouls #bex keysmash #ghost fics #webby #phantom ghoul #zephyr ghoul #omega ghoul

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

#long post #i keep trying but idk why tumblr wont let me put this under a read more im sorry

[bumblingbabooshka]

yoooooo what do u think about tom and harry?

they are my little wet pathetic excuse of a man (non derogatory)

I like them! I don't think about them at all really bc my shipping mind for Voyager is only ever really occupied with b/7 or ships that involve Tuvok but here we go!

For Tom & Harry I think they're the kind of ship where I'd never read any fanfiction* for them bc I have a very specific type of characterization that makes it work for me wherein Tom is this sort of pathetic loser trying desperately to seem cool and Harry actually is cool sort of effortlessly even though he's kind of a nerd too. Harry is like everything Tom's dad would have wanted Tom to be and I'm sure that factors into their relationship somehow. Tom's weird jealousy around Harry and the girls Harry's into is interesting. Harry being an optimist and wanting desperately to go home while Tom is more prone to pessimism and doesn't care about going home or not because "What I have here is better than anything I ever had before" is interesting. You can see how different their lives are because of that outlook. Tom is honestly consistently more interested in Harry than he ever is in B'Elanna. He always wants to do things with Harry, he wants Harry to be there for everything he wants Harry to say they're best friends, he breaks into his quarters in the middle of the night, he's wild. I can absolutely imagine Tom thinking about Harry like 24/7 whereas Harry thinks about Tom a normal amount. They would have such a long stage where neither made a move because Tom is fighting his internalized homophobia with a baseball bat and Harry doesn't think Tom's into him. Harry tells Tom he's bisexual (Harry has been out for years) and Tom reacts immediately with the "Are you into me???" thing and Harry's like "=_= No." and Tom's like "KIDDING!!! Don't be such a wet blanket, Kim~!!" hard cut to him lying awake at night. Why isn't he into me????? Why???? His jealousy increases tenfold. If Harry's into guys and he likes me then why isn't he INTO me what is it ABOUT me??? No B'Elanna I can't go on a date with you I have to write a Very Telling Captain Proton episode. Eventually (after like a month of weirdness) Harry's like "Tom. What is this??? Are YOU into ME??" and Tom's like "NO!!! Are you kidding me??" smashcut to Tom lying awake at night. Am I into Harry???? Oh my God am I into Harry??? Tom is terrible at sex. However I can imagine him being much more romantic with Harry than he was with B'Elanna - just bc he thinks about him more. Very elaborate date ideas which he spends a lot of time thinking of. Harry's like "I would have been fine with just a regular dinner" <- He's laughing, he thinks its fun. While Tom's like "This IS a regular dinner...in a recreation of your favorite concert hall as a celebration of your recital for that new composition you wrote. By the way, there's a competition for best clarinet player and I have a feeling you're gonna win ;)" I think they'd work well together. I can see them breaking up after Voyager but still being good friends OR them breaking up and getting back together a few times. Tom has a lot of self-esteem issues which I think could lead to jealousy, cheating-y behavior (Ex: Trying to make Harry jealous bc Harry was talking to someone and Tom thinks Harry might like that person more Read: Tom doesn't think he deserves Harry and that it's a foregone conclusion that Harry will leave him) or an excessive need for reassurance (Ex: "Jokes" about how Harry will leave him) which I think Harry would be annoyed by even though he'd of course try to be understanding and patient and talk things out. Tom hasn't shown himself to love emotional vulnerability. Like B'Elanna said, "You act like nothing affects you and turn everything into a joke." Harry seems more mature than that so I'm sure that sort of behavior would wear on him after awhile.

Harry blows Tom's mind the first time they have sex and Tom blabs about it the first chance he gets. Goes directly to sickbay for just this purpose. Doc: Do my visual processors deceive me or is Tom Paris actually arriving on time to his duty shift? Tom: [with the most pep one can have in their step] You might need to check my back doc I'm pretty sure the golden boy blew it out last night. *I think fanfics for them would just make Harry a woobified 'gosh you're so cool Tom' softboi virgin and Tom a rugged top who's great at sex which is wrong. Tom is terrible at sex. He's never ate a woman out, he's never been pegged, he only makes his partner finish like half the time if we're being generous and he's out like a light after he's done. You don't have to do the first two to be good at sex those are just other true facts about Lieutenant Tom Paris.

#Tom/Harry #Q&A #I hope this was ok anon v_v #WARNING: I mention sex in this one #st voyager #OOOHHH fuck....and the 'Harry saves Tom's life' theme #literally and non-literally Harry saves Tom's life time and time again

[fayesdiary]

actually now that you've finished AM and re: Paired Endings, did you get the paired endings you wanted? I remember when I went in blind and didn't know how the hidden support points system worked in regards to paired endings, I ended up with exactly no paired endings I was expecting or hoping to get, and a few people I knew playing the game at the same time as me ran into the same "wait, how does this work" conundrum bc we all went and got everyone to A or A+ supports with everyone else and therefore had a roulette wheel of paired endings.

also just in general, how did you enjoy AM?

I barely knew paired endings were a thing so I wasn't aiming for any one in particular (although I'm upset by the Felix/Ingrid one. I'm sorry Ingrid, you deserved better).

That said, having paired endings almost hidden from the player if you don't know (I'm guessing it's a selection of the A/A+ support pairs, but if you have multiple it selects one based on which has the highest support points) is... really weird. Why not just have S supports at that point and give the player the active choice of which paired ending they want?

As for Azure Moon itself, I quite enjoyed it! Dimitri's journey is the good shit, his relationship with Edelgard is just tragic and overall it's a really nice personal narrative.

But for the larger narrative, well... I have questions. And they are not the good kind.

Let's start with the smaller things first - Sothis.

Why is she even in the game?

I'm saying this as a huge fan of her- I adore her, I think she's so much fun. That said, if she's barely going to have screentime in White Clouds and is completely absent in Part 2, why even pretend she's going to be a primary character if she barely features in it?

I enjoyed Ch9 and 10 with her because she finally had her time to shine, taking initiative, coaxing Byleth into investigating a bit more and being a little gremlin when she convinces them to eavesdrop on Rhea. She finally has the presence she should have always had, but then she merges with Byleth and... that's it.

Poor Rhea is in an even worse situation in Azure Moon, being completely absent in Part 2. They tell you she has been secretly been imprisoned in Enbarr all this time but they never tell you why (my guess is it has something to do with Edelgard's monster form?), and then when you beat the game... Nothing.

Just a small line telling you she has retired and moved to Zanado.

The poor woman feels like a complete afterthought in this route.

Speaking of things feeling like an afterthought in Azure Moon, the Dark Snakes (the personal name I'm going with for Those who slither in the dark because I hate that name so goddamn much).

In White Clouds? Hyped up as a major antagonist.

In Azure Moon Part 2? Nowhere to be seen properly.

You only get Cornelia and Volkhard who have been very blatantly replaced with members of the cult, and yet no one seems to notice.

Dimitri will say straight to your face Cordelia's whole demeanor changed around a decade prior but never think "hmm, this sounds familiar", despite him mentioning Kronya a few chapters prior.

They appear in the final chapter but only as an extra boss you can stomp to get rid of a bunch of soldiers, and again - barely acknowledged. The rest of them flee when you kill their leader so the Snakes are still around scheming, but this is never addressed in Azure Moon, not even in the endings.

And I am not accepting "it will be explained in the other routes" as an excuse, because if you're going to treat every route as its own game, then the narrative of every single route has to stand on its own.

As it stands, the Snakes in AM only exist to make Edelgard look better by comparison in White Clouds and are almost completely ignored in Part 2.

And speaking of Edelgard - we need to talk about the whole deal with Fòdlan's unification.

This game is... weirdly fascinated with the idea. I can understand why Edelgard views it as an ideal - of course the future Emperor of an Empire would have an imperialist mindset.

The problem is that several other characters and the narrative itself portrays it a good thing, when if you think of it for a few minutes... It's not. The mere existence of the Kingdom and Alliance as well as two of the major wars in Fòdlan being for their indipendence proves that.

And look - Fòdlan has many, many problems. Rampant racism and xenophobia, class inequality exacerbated by Crests, you name it. But it being united under a single banner, especially if by force, does nothing to solve any of the issues and arguably makes them worse.

Hell, as fucked as the status quo at the start of the game is, at least there was a clear harmony between the four powers, and Fòdlan had been at a state of relative peace for almost a millennia until Edie did her, um, thing.

Shamir has a line where she mentions Fòdlan will probably split again eventually, and she's right - it's increasingly clear that Fòdlan being governed by a single power does not work.

Also I know I barely know Claude at this point especially because he's deliberately written as hard to read but I'm sorry- him just giving the Alliance to Dimitri is bullshit. Both because of what it represents, both because I don't buy it at all he would just do this (especially with Verdant Wind existing), and especially because you really want me to believe every single noble would be ok with rejoining under the Kingdom they declared indipendence from two centuries ago?

So the narrative ends up saying "oh it's not that Edie's ideals of a unified Fòdlan are fundamentally wrong- no, it's her methods and the fact that she wants to destroy the Church". And the cynical side me is thinking that in the large scale of things, the main difference between the routes is choosing which war criminal gets to govern the whole continent.

So while overall I enjoyed Azure Moon, I can't help but notice so many warning signs for things to come.

#ask replies #loregoddess #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe16 #azure moon #fe16 spoilers #my rambles #three houses is rapidly shaking into the game i have most complaints about #i swear it's good but OOOOH BOY is there a lot of poorly made and/or questionable stuff #sorry for the incoherent rant at the end😅

[creekfiend]

I'm just on a roll of train of thought rambles tonight but also

Something I've noticed since I started working on the "retraining your nervous system" aspect of trauma informed... personal... stuff. Is that you can retrain. A Lot Of things about your brain

Lately I've been working on training myself to:

1. Accept the information that I have done harm as value neutral information about which I can make a decision going forward

2. In general view my own emotional state and the emotional states of those around me at any given time as Information, as well. This makes things feel much less urgent and allows me to feel I can take my time examining those emotions and thinking about where they're coming from and why and what would be the most productive way to handle them (usually the answer is to take care of my animal body for a few days and not put pressure on myself to make decisions immediately. And then think about it when it seems less dire) (this is related to rewiring your nervous system in that I am trying to not make decisions or have important conversations when I am in fight-or-flight mode, which for me is Often)

3. Approach others' feelings and opinions and behaviors with curiosity rather than judgment. This one is hard. And crucially doesn't mean excusing harm. But it also involves giving yourself grace to approach your past behaviors etc with the same attitude. Which is very good for brain)

4. Really thinking about what my goal is in any given interaction. Often this comes down to "I don't really want to even have an interaction about this" but when it's something you actually think about and examine calmly instead of doing it as a knee jerk avoidance behavior... that's really a reassuring thing to have practice doing bc you know you're making a Real Decision and not doing trauma response stuff

5. Thinking of boundaries as things *you* will do in response to others' behavior rather than lines in the sand trying to dictate that behavior. So you can say "if you talk to me like that I will leave the room" or "here is how I will be responding to that behavior in the future" that's just information for the other person, not telling them what to do, and it's VERY FREEING to relinquish any idea you have in your head about controlling others' behavior.. sometimes when we first start thinking about boundaries i think we can make the mistake that it means telling people they can't do or have to do x. It doesn't. Its not "hey uncle George you Cannot misgender me" it's "if you continue to misgender me I will not be able to trust you and i will not be maintaining a relationship with you" (FOR EXAMPLE). this isn't a better approach for 'don't tell other people what to do' reasons, it's a better approach because it GIVES YOU MORE CONTROL over your life and your interactions bc you've given thought to what YOUR choices and actions will be under various cirsumstances

Wow idk if this made any sense but yeah this is all the pip brain reprogramming playbook right now. Maybe it would be helpful for other people who are also trying to think about how to approach different ways of retraining your brain. I hope so. The more you practice. The easier it gets. Like learning an instrument. Because your brain makes shortcut pathways based on how often you do things. So practice what you want to be easier!!!

#you can also retrain your brain to actively seek joy and good faith in interactions #thats hard. ive been slowly having an easier time with it

[izzystradlinswife]

dont feel pressured but im so soft rn i need to get this off my chest

tracii guns is the type of bf to take you on motorcycle rides 24/7. He loves his bike sm and he loves spending time with you, so its kind of a given. he especially loves it if you're nervous/a first time rider bc it gives him an excuse to "teach" you how to ride ☹☹☹

(anyways)

First off It's definitely an innocence thing, like he wants to spend the time teaching you "things" I won't go into detail, cause you said soft 😚

storing that away for a fic later on

But at any chance he gets, he says something like, "Babe want to go out?" Why wouldn't you want to go out? That's simple enough. When you go to reach for the car door, he's revving the engine of his motorcycle. Mental face palm, it's not like you don't want to ride with him, and it's not like you don't trust him. You do, you really do, but you can't help the nervousness that bubbles up every time from just seeing him on it. The thought of actually being on his motorcycle didn't make you feel any better.

Tracii notices your hesitance, leaving his bike behind as he walks over to you slinging both arms around your waist then resting his head between the nook of your neck. "Baby it'll be fine, I promise" he planted a quick but sweet kiss on the column of your throat. You sighed as you glanced at the bike "I'll teach you, I'll make sure you're safe and if everything goes as planned I'll teach you some other things later" you felt his smirk against your skin leaving a much hotter kiss on your neck.

"Tracii," You dramatically gasped "What kind of girl do you think I am?" Tracii breathed out a laugh as he held your figure closer. "One that'll accept my bargain and trust me" you rolled your eyes at his words, almost forgetting what you were talking about. "Fine, you better be careful" Tracii eagerly grabbed your hand and led you to his bike, he swung his leg over so both of his thighs rested on either side of the bike.

He reached his hand out for you, you shook your head with a laugh as you repeated his motion with ease. "I think I can do that part by myself" Your confidence slowly rose, it couldn't be that bad from here. Tracii turned the bike back on causing a small jump from you. Without looking back he took both of your arms and put them around his waist. "Don't let go, okay?" He said speaking over the engine, you shook your head showing you wouldn't.

You propped up your legs where Tracii pointed to, your nerves getting the best of you once again as you fidgeted with the zipper of his jacket. His hand rested on your knee as his thumb rubbed back and forth while he spoke. "You know I would never do something that I knew would hurt you and if you hold on and don't let go it'll be fun, just breathe baby" although you couldn't see his face you knew he smiled at the end, he took pride in the way you wouldn't trust anyone else to keep you safe.

"We'll start slow. Work our way up." You nodded as you leaned your head into his shoulder as the bike started moving. You held on impossibly tighter, squeezing your eyes shut as he turned the corner away from the house. "I swear to god, Tracii, if this thing kills me, I'm never forgiving you." You heard his laugh echo as you slowly opened your eyes, your hair blew back in the wind as you looked at the sky, squinting from the sharp wind blowing in your eyes.

The sun was slowly setting the purples faded into dusty oranges and then into subtle pink hues. You loosened your grip, not enough for you to fall off, but so your arms weren't straining so much, you rolled up to a stop light. "How ya doin baby?" He looked to the side so he could hear better. "I guess it's not so bad." You sighed, "I told you. It's relaxing, isn't it?" Tracii tapped your arm, bringing your attention to him. "I don't know if I would say that, but it's nice. The sunset is pretty.

"Why do you think I took you this way instead of through the strip?" The light turned from red to green as he finished his sentence. He quickly gained speed again until he reached the limit. You thought about his words earlier on how he would never do something if he knew it would hurt you. You smiled at his gesture and how much he did for you. You don't think you could've picked a better person if you tried.

#tracii guns #tracii guns x reader #tracii guns blurb #tracii guns fluff #la guns #la guns x reader #la guns blurb #la guns imagine #tracii guns imagine #80s #jude's delusional

[thekuraning]

Fic ask

4, 13, 20!

HELLO MY FAVORITE PROFESSOR ELM STAN THANK U FOR THE MEMES!!! hey actually these are all ones i havent thought about so made me put on my THINKIN CAP. and hey actually actually this got really long really fast so im PUTTING IT UNDER A READ MORE!!!

4. a story idea you haven't written yet

Ok so like. I've got these two ideas kicking around in my head from time to time that I'm like. Still kind of workshopping. One is a fanfic and one is an original fic. But basically I've had in my head since forever (10 years of Big Thinking) about a big Digimon sort of odyssey that originally started as a Pokemon x Digimon crossover where I took the Rocket executives and shoved them into the digital world. I have a whole world built for it already and a central sort of issue/theme revolving around a power struggle between the Demon Lords and the Royal Knights. The Royal Knights control HUB City, which is the major settlement in the continent, the Demon Lords control the Dark Lands, and kind of like usual they all want to wipe each other out. There's eventually a viral sort of glitch that starts to deteriorate the digital world and jumps to the real world.

Part of my problem is I've wanted to make it a comic or at the very least an illustrated fic and part of the problem is I'm trying to decide if I want to keep it as a crossover or just slap some new names onto the execs bc i gotta be real, the pokemon world and other pokemon characters. do not feature. at all.

its really just an excuse for me to give petrel a digimon.

anyways they all have full evolution lines planned, i've got a few major story beats, plot points, and the major final twist decided on. i also have 5 amvs that i play in my head on a loop when i drive to and from work.

also in this fic some digimon are gay (stingmon and flamedramon makeout sessions when) and trans (crusadermon, trans queen) ive decided

i think ive posted old art before extending the au to some characters and for my perfworld mutuals if youve seen my sycamore + dukemon art before that specific dukemon is also from this au. ive also got a fic i did publish where i workshopped a little bit of HUB city & a few side characters

i am now realizing i meant to also talk about the original fic i have planned and that one is a short story about a serial killer who murders hitchhikers picking up a hitchhiking serial killer and that one is less planned out but i know they sloppy kiss in the end

13. a fandom you're thinking about writing for

so like besides pokemon and tiger & bunny & digimon there's none i actively have fic ideas for, but some fandoms I think I'd like to revisit are Sonic and Zelda. Actually I had a Zelda fic I abandoned back on FFNet that I'd like to take another crack at one day where the premise was it was a modern setting based on the OOT/TP Hyrule (mostly OOT) where magic and fairies and such are regarded as superstition sort of the same way they are now, and the wondrous races (Goron, Zora, Kokiri/Korok, etc. even the Sheika to some extent) had all died out, leaving pretty much just the human races like Hylian, Terminian, Gerudo, etc. (In this case Termina is legitimately a neighboring kingdom/country and not limbo/purgatory ok??) And the kicker was Link was like. a hardcore atheist. but i think i remember people getting mad at me bc i made his legal name "Mahas" which I MUST IMPLORE YOU. THIS IS CANONICALLY HIS NAME AS OF SKYWARD SWORD. BELIEVE IT OR NOT THERE WAS AN ATTEMPT TO BUILD A PSEUDO LANGUAGE IN SKYWARD SWORD. WE KNOW HIS NAME IS MAHAS BECAUSE IN THE BEGINNING WHEN FI IS JUST CALLING HIM LINK AND NOT MASTER LINK HER VOICE LINES ARE EVER ONLY MAHAS. ONCE SHE BEGINS CALLING HIM MASTER LINK ANY TIME IT APPEARS ON SCREEN SHE SAYS "MAARI MAHAS." SO IM RIGHT OK FUCK OFF IM RIGHT. DIE MAD FFNET. DIE. MAD.

ahem.

im normal now.

anyways yeah i'd like to write for elder scrolls again too i think but like. something more original than the supernatural/TESIV Oblivion retelling crossover i tried once.

You can find that one on my ao3 but im not linking it.

20. in what year did you publish your first fic?

In the year of our lord 2005 (pensive emoji)(raised fist emoji) I published a... fic of some kind to FFNet.

You won't find it anymore, I deleted it a long time ago! I'm not sure if it was 'Rocket Road Trip' or 'The Rebellion,' but it was one of those. I used to write a ton of OC team rocket fics, and this was back in the day when the Rocket Executives had no name so you either thought there was 1 guy exec and 1 girl exec or you thought each exec encounter in GSC was a different person, and that was me. So I gave them all names and threw them into a truck together and i think in the very first chapter they were leaving the Team Rocket HQ and they ran over and left to die the OC who would later go on to be repurposed into Proton except his name was Steve then and he was a special classification of trainer class that I called a "Random Rocket," and the thing about Random Rockets was they all had very generic names (Steve, Bob, Juan, I think there was a Nancy once but she never got to show up in a fic or rp?) but the OTHER thing about Random Rockets was no one knew what they looked like because canonically their faces were all censored with a big ass mosaic effect (this was written, not draw.)

anyways farla cussed me out on 3 or 4 different fics back when she used to cuss out literal children so I deleted all my fics from 2005 - 2008 and then I deleted more of them when I went to college.

don't be like farla.

edit: self-plugging my old FFNet account for the lulz. yes it is i, the original author of Slowpoke Tails and Koffing Fumes.

#bedruil #kurasays #ask game #THANK YOU FRIEND!!!

[lotho]

Kaishin in Canon AU pt2

Continuation! (sorry if i fuck up names, i am a eng dub bitch lol)

(Edits, changed the last part of the pervious post lololol)

- Kaito does some detective work and saw the buffoon detective Mouri that his bf mentioned here and there has suddenly gained popularity, which makes Kaito kinda suspicious

- He breaks into the Mouri office and looks around for any clues but finds nothing, he does get interrupted by a particular small detective

-Almost gets his head blown off cause Conan doesn’t recognize him

- Shortly after that, Kaito comes very cheerfully with a horrified Conan saying “Where the fuck is my boyfriend, ran.”

- little Conan is breaking out in cold sweat when Ran mentions Shin’s phone calls to her that he is safe, he is somewhere solving a very secretive case

-Kaito call bull to that as even if shin is shin, he always tells Kaito everything especially if it is a very dangerous cases bc of how much he trusts Kaito and thinks it is just an excuse

- Kaito being Kaito decides that if his bf is refusing communication he is going to be a camp out of the Mouri detective agency until shin is mature enough to communicate with him! (immature vs immature)

- Mouri tries to get rid of him but how do you get rid of someone that just fucking appears out of thin air!??!?!??!

- Unsure if Shin as Conan would be ether really awkward around Kaito or be like a total brat to piss him off, like fuck up his magic tricks and constantly telling him ‘i hate magic’ and that its shit, that he has seen clowns from a circus do better lol

-  Just constantly trying to get rid of him but fails

- Adventures with world’s dumbest detective, a teenage girl who could kill grown men if she wanted to, a dying inside magical secret thief teen and the boyfriend of the magical teen that got shrink and has to hide that^TM

- Heiji would be HILARIOUS cause of how dense that motherfucker would be

- Conan would be trying to shut him up as he talks about meeting shin and how good buddies they are, Kaito is holding in his jealously as Heji just thinks he is the jealous best friend of Kudo and so keeps at it

- Heiji accidentally made himself the other women lmao

- “EH? KUDO THAT IS YOUR BOYFRIEND??” “THIS IS WHY I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP-”

-Unsure when Shin would realize he is being a coward but he does eventually turn around (perhaps Kaito being more distressed and actually really fucking worried that their relationship and discussing that with little Conan)

-He would start of with being sorta sweet and apologetic but would quickly become snarky and be like “Ohh so you finally agree it wasn’t my fault” and “please stop being freeloading with ran, she is already dealing with her father’s relationship.”

- Shin still doesn’t discuss his situation and in trade for not telling Kaito they would be in constant contact with daily calls and texts/emails (?)

Happy ending? No, not really.

- “Ah small detective, you have always had a grudge against me, would have not thought it would be you to unmask me.”

- Being Conan he finds out that Kaito is Kid, it is like canon were Conan was chasing Kaito just when bored and simple rivalry

-Kaito got away only because of Conan’s shock

-Shin is distraught, not really because of stealing cause he could look past that but just how much he realized would he ever be able to take down his boyfriend if it came to it? Is he as a detective bringing danger to his boyfriend? Is his boyfriend using him as protection? Because of him being creditable personal if he were to ever get caught?(no of course not, Kaito has given him a red rose since childhood, he loves him because of their history right?) -It is sorta nail in the coffin for Shin, as along with being almost a year since his transformation

-He has not been able to hold his boyfriend, go on dates, kiss, or even just be in a comfort presence with him, there phone calls are fine and full of love but that is not the love his boyfriend deserves

- At this point he isn’t sure if he can even come back to his original form, he is always a step back and step forward even when gaining new alliances (ie- Haibara), would Kaito even wait for him? Shin would not be sure if he would be more broken on the fact that Kaito wouldn’t or he would wait for a person who would never come back?

-What if the organization ever go for Kaito? Figure is Kid and expose him? What if they ever hurt Kaito? How would he live with himself?

- ‘Maybe Aoko is the one to make Kaito happy and not him’ ‘She would make him so much more happier than me.’ Shin thinks  

- So Shin breaks it off

-  the conversation goes something like this?

“I-I don’t want you to be involved.” “Involved with what?! What have you gotten yourself into?!? I would stand with you for everything-” “No, you don’t understand, this is something that even I don’t I would be able to get myself out.” “What?” “I’m sorry” *Hangs up*

- Shin has never been great with dates that were not related to a case, it was a very happy anniversary for Kaito as he looks at the little fake ring he proposed with when they were kids and look at a very new and brought with cash he worked hard for without stealing anything with for his ex-beloved

idk ya could make this happy or worst but this in the end for me (well for now lololol) :D

#angst #detective conan #Case Closed #shinichi kudo #kudo shinichi #kaito kuroba #Kaito Kid #kaishin #shinichi x kaito #fluff #gays #Kaishin In Canon AU