#very very much a work in progress but im having fun drawing all these weird dripping shapes

[kayleerowena]

[wip] come closer i am a normal ghost made of blood and deer antler velvet

#horror #body horror #gore / #ghosts #wip #kaylee.art #very very much a work in progress but im having fun drawing all these weird dripping shapes #just a normal regular guy u know how it is in the woods

[shysquidd]

ok so i was able to log in thru my laptop so as promised here are my in depth thoughts on korra 

so we all know lok came out like years ago so what im gonna say probably has already been said like thousands of times over and over, i think when the show first came out i saw a few eps of it and then lost interest. but i was like 15 or something at the time so whatever. 

i have noticed that some people who liked lok better have said that people who dont like lok as much just dont like change, and idk maybe thats the case for some, but my main criticisms for it come from the writing inconsistency. to be clear i thought it was a fun watch! did i like it? yes!!!! did i love it?? not so much 

i think what bothered me the most was the pacing of the seasons. now i hate to draw comparisons to atla, but they are part of the same franchise so I Will. one the things that made atla sooo good was the overall mission stretched over 3 seasons, with secondary villains providing obstacles along the way (zhao,zuko,azula). this provided characters with enough time to develop along the way before facing the big bad (and building suspense to ozai), but still keep viewers entertained through out the seasons 

i didnt really feel the same suspense when watching korra. each season had its own conflict and big bad, and none of them really seemed to come back up a lot after they were already defeated (except for korras uncle i forget his name tbh) 

i think any of the conflicts they had would have worked if they chose to stretch it out over the course of the show. the anti-bending movement and the water tribe civil war would have worked best in my opinion. they anti-bending movement drew valid criticisms from non-benders, and its really weird to see all of that vanish after amon was defeated. as for the civil war, unalaq (i googled his name lol) fell flat for me, he was just kinda evil for the sake of being evil. at first his motivations were intriguing and made a good foundation for the conflict aka wanting to combine the tribes again by bringing spirituality to the swt by force, bt when they brought in raava and vaatu it just kinda fell apart. this plotline definitely would have worked over several seasons, but i kinda wished the origins of the first avatar would have remained a mystery. i am a firm believer of not everything has to be answered

because the show was so fast paced, characters really didnt get the spotlight they deserved, esp team avatar. the gaang in the first series really all had their moments to shine, and you could rewatch the og season over and over again and notice something new every time! im not sure how well this would work with lok since the rest of team avatar didnt really get their own fleshed out story lines 

korra: had the most development ofc. i think she was a great protagonist. it makes sense that aang would want his successor to get proper training before getting thrown into avatar duties  considering he was like 12 when he had to fight the firelord. korra, whos been training her whole life, is caught in the middle of conflict in republic city, and its clear to me that her training took a priority on bending the elements, rather than being a mediator, which is the duty of the avatar. she’s like a fish out of water, and as the series progresses and we see her fight the antagonists, this takes a toll on her and she goes into a slump. it was a very fitting arc for her character 

mako: he was just kinda there for me. bit of a jerk at first and i really did not like the whole korra/mako/asami love triangle. it was all very forced imo considering korra and mako only knew each other for like a few days before they were confessing feelings for each other 

bolin: obvs the comedic relief character. the show doesnt do much for him either which is sad bc i did like his character, hes funny and has a cute design. ill draw another comparison to atla and say that while sokka was the comedic relief, his character was deeply complex and multilayered

asami: my angel my daughter my cinnamon apple. im glad asami was able to reconnect with her father before the show murked him. korrasami was cute and they compliment each other: korra, whos more emotionally reserved vs asami who is empathetic and patient but also is true to her beliefs and holds her ground

anyways this post got super long and if u read this i love u. feel free to comment if u wanna start a discussion. much more to say but my fingers are tired bye 

#some honorable mentions in tags #lin was sooo sexy and her family dynamic resonated w me #hate hate hate that toph is cop but thats a whole other thing #didnt like kataras reduced role where even was she during the civil war?? #zhu li suprisingly might be one of my faves despite her limited screentime #insert spongebob meme #i also really loved jinora #didnt like the way multiethnic characters were treated but thats also for another post

[sailorhyunjinz]

What do you think first kiss with skz be like?

aAWH SOME FLUFF T-T OK BUT KEEP IN MIND- fluff is not my strongest pursuit hence why im not a fluff writer hahsah but HEY ITS CUTE!! and anon,,, im so sorry this took such time IM SO SO SORRY AAAAAAAAH- 

also this makes me wanna know my anons first kiss story, AAAH SPILL THEM 

warnings; none?? fluff,,, wow,, rare to say that LMAO- also gn!reader and also suggestiveee??

Bangchan

~gentleman~

will only kiss you if you are REALLY ready for it and if the two of you are dating

doesnt want to rush you into things (even if its just a kiss) because he doesnt know how comfortable you are and such

basically a sweetheart

i imagine its like a cute little date

 night where you guys are stargazing, lying on a blanket on a grassy hill with his arm as a pillow for your head

“chan, look! its a shooting star! make a wish” you giggle to which he smiles, looking at your pretty features that are lit up by the moonlight

“hmm,,, dear star, i wish that y/n would kiss me” he says, laughing directly after but soon being interupted as you attach your plushy lips against his

its probably the most romantic event in your life

him smiling into the kiss as your tongues danced around softly

when you pulled away you laughed, saying; “wishes do really come true, huh?”

poor baby is blushing, his ears red but thankfully for him its too dark for you to see

Minho

the “evil roommate that secretly has feelings for you”

“lee minho i swear im gonna rip your hair off if you touch my plants again”

minho got out of his room, looking at you standing in the living room and rearranging the plants on the windowsill 

“they are all scattered, it’s ugly” he says rudely

“dont call my children ugly” you spit back at him 

there was always a weird tension between you and minho. you were glad to have found a roommate that made a good friend eventhough he was a pain in the ass sometimes

minho liked you,,, and therefore he did everything the opposite of what he felt. if he wanted to compliment you on your outfit he would instead say that you looked “overdressed” or “too much” but you always rolled your eyes towards his snarky comments

you pecked your plants, giving them the love they needed and minho just stood frozen in the doorway, without thinking he spoke

“how come you never do that to me?”

silence

you sneered, placing down the plant you held and streched out your arms

“c’mere if you dare” you said jokingly, not expecting the boy you always thought was so devilish to run into your arms, lips touching and your eyes widening at the unexpected action

the two of you held each other, breathing shaky as wet tongues collided, the sun beaming upon your figures

“m-minho,,, it was a joke!” you laughed, slapping his arm playfully as you pulled away

“but to me it wasn’t” he remarked cockily, licking the inside of his cheek

Changbin

very much giving me like “we dont like each other but we have to work with each other”

like you two are co-workers, working in a boring office and you were assigned to put together this one report and,,, lets say Changbin wasnt your favorite in the office

there was nothing wrong with him,,, its just his vibe that was off putting but sigh,,, work is work

you started compiling information, sitting in a seperate room and drawing graphs on the whiteboard, projecting some other type of research onto the board

“do you think we will need to stay late?” he asks, ruffling his hair in frustration

you sigh and nod, this wasnt going to get done anytime soon.

dawn set on horizon and the others workers packed up their belonging one by one and left until there was only you and changbin left in the now quiet office

you sat next to him, yawning as you typed something as you felt him looking at you

you looked back with a questionable expression, confused when he uttered his words

“do you hate me, y/n?”

“i mean,,, you are a dick sometimes but i dont hate you, at least you do your work”

he shrugged his shoulders, loosening his necktie as he leaned back into the office chair

“a dick, huh? maybe i try to push you away so you wont catch the same feelings i have for you”

you snapped your head towards him. you couldnt lie, he was attractive and at this point you were desperate 

“kiss me then” you said simply causing the boy to immediately cup your cheeks, latching onto your lips as if he’d waited for this moment for forever

more tongue, wants you to feel him ;))

lets just say,,, he made it up to you

Hyunjin

i get this like,,, youthful vibe,,, like the two of you were childhood friends

and,,, eventually you catch feelings for him which you hate because,,, you dont want to ruin this friendship 

every time somebody mistook you for a couple the both of you would make retching noises, mocking each other

“you think my standards are that low?” hyunjin says pointing at you to which you raise your fist

“hwang hyunjin, you’re dead meat”

but,,, he was only in denial, it was his childhood friend afterall

probably happened at one of those night where your mom was working late and you invited hyunjin to keep you company, him bringing kkami as well. 

“dont fucking burn the pizza, hyunjin” you say, petting kkami until the little rascal ran away from your lap

“if you helped it wouldnt be burned” he replies as he comes out with two plates with the pizza burned on the edges

“but if they taste bad you can always taste my lips” he jokes and you look at him with a disgusted facial expression before laughing

“i bet they taste even worse then your mess of a pizza, i would like to see you try to even get me to peck you” you scoff and hyunjin rolls his eyes, sitting next to you on the sofa

“try it then” he taunts but is taken aback when you actually kiss him, your nose accidentally brushing against his as you purse your lips, hyunjin timidly using his tongue to test the waters

he wanted it so bad and he finally got it >:(( he could swear that he heard fireworks going off in his brain

a moment of silence appeared until hyunjin cockily uttered:

“so,,, did they taste better?”

Jisung

the “i met you at a party and made out with you drunk”

he stared at you the entire night, catching glances while you looked away and the music blared in the nightclub that was packed with people.

you ordered a drink at the bar, tapping your fingers on the oak surface where you rested your arms, suddenly somebody bumped into you

turning around you saw jisung and you sighed, thinking his behaviour was starting to get annoying

“oh its you again” you said loud for him to hear as he sat down next to you, having a annoying smirk plastered on his lips

“looks like you are having fun, let me guess,,, you’re trying to get over your ex” jisung says, leaning his elbow against the bar and you glared at him because it was true

you scoffed, avoiding his question and instead sipping on the sour drink you had in your hands, trying to forget everything

he was attractive which only pissed you off even more, as if you hadnt had enough pretentious assholes in your life

the glass slammed against the table as you put it down harshly, gazing into the boys dark brown eyes

“alright, deal. make me forget then since you think you know everything about me” you stated to which jisung raised his eyebrow

the palm of his hand was firmly placed on the bar as he leaned in to kiss you, feeling the bitter liquour hitting his tastebuds as your tongues crashed against each other

it felt,,, freeing. you swung your arms around his neck, wanting him closer to your body

by the way he was kissing you, you could tell that he was there for the same reason as you. a sloppy and heated kiss to fill your thoughts with something other than your ex

safe to say that the kiss progressed ;))))

Felix

aaah cutie boyfriend that is just too shy to even give you a kiss like 3 months into the relationship (OK DONT ATTACK ME NOW, TAKE YOUR TIME, NO RUSH YOU GUYS)

he is shy with pretty much everything, it was only recently he could hold your hand without his heart jumping out of his chest.

it was a simple date night! takeout and games at his place

you layed your head in his lap as you watched him finish up the game that you had given up on a long time ago

he shifted awkwardly in his seat, not used to being so close to such a pretty person before

“ah- fuck! i lost again,,,” he says in defeat, his head rolling backwards before a frustrated sigh escaped his lips

“you did well felix! look how far you got!” you say, pointing towards the score on the screen but not getting his attention. 

you sat up, looking at him for a moment as his eyelashes lightly draped over his closed eyes, cheeks speckled with freckles

you couldnt help yourself, he looked so angelic despite being defeated and so you leaned in, lacing your fingers with his and softly placing your lips against his

he opened his eyes in panic before being swallowed by the fluffy feeling of having your lips to himself, he giggled before stroking your cheek as he tilted his head, almost setting a rhythm to the sweet kiss

felix started laughing shyly, cheeks tinged with red as he hid his face with a pillow

“but you won my kiss!” you said through a smile causing felix to blush even more

Seungmin

its like,,, maybe,,, your third or fourth date??

this one is more chill than the previous ones that were at like some fancy restaurang because hello dandy puppy boy wants class

but this one was like a stroll down the night streets and eating ice cream in the middle of the summer

both of you were casually dressed, holding hands as butterflies bubbled in your stomach from the contact

his hand is all warm and it engulfs yours >:(

you look at all the pretty sights of the night, eventually climbing up to some like high point and looking down at all the lights that blinked

after a good 1 1/2 hours of walking your legs were starting to ache and so you both sat down on the swings of a desolate playground, swinging gently with your legs dangling

“i dont understand how you’re able to,,, even be friends with me,,, or whatever we are,,”

seungmin hummed, looking up into the night sky

“i promise y/n, i will be your,,, friend but,,,”

you looked at him as he said “but”, imagining the worst 

“i dont wanna be friends, i wanna be more than a friend to you”

his eyes twinkled as he stood up and stood infront of you, grabbing your hand

you slowly looked up at him, his figure standing in the way of the moon as the two of you shared a long gaze, his eyes as sweet as honey, dripping with pure adoration

you pulled him closer by the hand and slowly he inched to your lips, the distance between you minimizing as his face tilted to the right, a delicate and sugary kiss landing on your tastebuds from the ice cream from earlier.

your heart skipped a beat, the slightest sound of lips smacking

“i think i love you y/n” he whispered close to your lips after pulling away. 

Jeongin

like,,, uni buddies! 

both being med students meant late study night, usually in school 

there’s papers and diagrams laid out all over the tables and floors along with a bunch of energy drink cans, some scribbles on the whiteboard 

the two of you were friends and met in uni and everyone had always nagged at you for not going after him since he was everything someone ever wanted

you always said that you were friends and that you couldnt imagine being in a relationship with jeongin

but studying with him alone into the deep night felt different, many times you couldnt concentrate when he looked so cute sitting right beside you

being close friends, there was nothing weird about hugging or leaning against each other and so you leaned against his shoulder and yawned as the cozy boy was rewriting some notes. 

“one hour left y/n and then- then we can go hoooome!”

you giggled as you looked at him and he diverted his attention from his papers to you, his lips only mere inches from yours

you didnt know what the fuck you were doing and neither did jeongin, it was late and the both of you were tired from studying for finals

and so your lips drew closer until they clashed, feeling a tension that you’ve never felt with him before

he’s definitely a shy,,, kisser?? not too much tongue since he doesnt know how LMAO so its like soft >:((

didnt know what to do when he pulled away, looking around the room or covering his blushing face with his hands but when you hug him he hugs you back

maybe even coming to terms that he does have feeling for you,,, and so do you~ 

#stray kids fluff #skz fluff #stray kids headcanons #skz headcanons

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

#my stuff

[huebris808]

Dr. Hofnarr’s Horrible, No-Good, Very Weird 15 Years Of Being Dead.

a tribute to fanon interpretations/character study(?) that was going to be a bonus chapter in a post-canon/au comedy fic im working on! might come back to expand on this when i do start posting it (or if mpn gives him more background story lore that i’ll have to work with aoAHGHOAUGH)

happy madness day! :o)

“Where should I begin… Perhaps at the very beginning? OH! Christoff and I first met years before our Nexus days! Back in our freshman years of college, to be precise! You know, I was actually a theater major before switching to- ... A-Aah, too far back. Much too far... Let’s start from the point where the notes I supplied to you ended then, shall we? After our dissension...”

.. “Good luck, old friend...” ..

The first years on the run from Nexus was stressful to say the least. Hofnarr and Christoff had split up to better their chances of survival. He knew the process would be grueling, having talked to Christoff almost every night about it to calm his nerves. While he played calm for the cameras, Hofnarr truly wished he could have held him close one last time. No communications. No physical contact. Day after day, month after month, nothing. He would be separated from his husband for a very long time…

It wasn’t all bad after a while. He had a comfortable new apartment, went under a new alias, and his questionable new job paid him enough to buy food. His apartment even had cable! He could watch marathons of Slaughter Time whenever he got home! In hindsight, he wondered if that had an effect on his mental state at the time...

Hofnarr had taken the last of his S3LF regulator with him, having shipped them out to an undisclosed location prior to dissension. Dissonance exposure did a number on him and his research team, leaving them to track their “normality” through daily blood tests and injections. While they met their fates early on, Hofnarr had gotten lucky. That is, until the doses began to run out.

Stressful as it was, he knew what he had to do. Hofnarr rushed back to what remained of the labs, knowing it had been abandoned by now. It was ironic, he and Christoff’s work, the work that was turned against them, was the one thing keeping him alive. For days, he worked to make more doses from the materials he brought with him. But there was only so much he could do with limited supplies… Hofnarr made many attempts to prolong the inevitable, lowering his dosage amount, injecting it weekly rather than daily, but he eventually ran dry. 

Refusing to turn to darker alternatives, he felt the only thing he could do at this point is record his final findings through video logs.

“It was… interesting revisiting the footage, to put it nicely. Christoff had actually kept the video files on a drive after he originally found all my things in the lab! I barely remembered what happened back then, so I rewatched them out of curiosity.”

On the first night, Hofnarr recorded a message for Christoff. One filled with sorrow, but also with gratitude. For the time that they spent together. How special he made him feel. All the memories they made together...

On the next, he recorded a log detailing his findings during Project Nexus. The effects of dissonance, the Other Place, what it did to him and his colleagues, everything and anything he could.

The next, he reported on the progression of his symptoms. Fever, brain fog, insomnia, joint pain. He felt like his organs were melting, his skin bursting at the seams.

The next night he saw something and remembered. Scars. The scars on his head. That week he was in the staff hospital. He thought it was a dream but the scars were there. Phobos. Director Phobos brought him somewhere that week. He knew he felt off when he woke up in the office that night. He knew something was off when Christoff asked him where he was. He thought he passed out from over-working. That bastard Phobos. Nausea was replaced with rage as he began to scream, his throat becoming raw. What did he put in him? What the hell did he put inside him!?

On the last recorded log, he was face-down on the ground. Groaning as his body occasionally convulsed. Until the video feed eventually cut off.

His body would lay there dormant, dead, for fifteen years. 

But to Hofnarr, he felt like he was dreaming.

.. “LET’S GIVE IT UP FOR OUR NEXT CONTESTANT!” ..

“Huh?” The doctor sat up and looked around, the area around him pitch black. Wasn’t he sleeping just a moment ago? He got up and took a step forward in the seemingly endless void. “H-Hello? Who’s out there?”

“AWW, DON’T BE SHY NOW! ESTEEMED AUDIENCE, A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR GUEST; THE UNFORTUNATE DOCTOR HOFNARR!”

A light shined down on him from above. A crowd seemingly began to cheer all around him. He was in the center of what looked like a talk show set. Hofnarr awkwardly scratched the corner of his face. “‘Unfortunate’? W-What do you mean? W-Who are you?”

“FIGHT FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER!” The voice above him called out again. “AFTER ALL, IT’S…!” Hofnarr drowned out the noise while trying to think. It sounded familiar. Like it came from…

Hofnarr’s thoughts were cut short. He looked down at his torso. Terror set in as he recognized an entire stop sign had been lodged through his chest.

“DON’T GET COLD FEET NOW! THE SHOW’S ONLY JUST BEGUN!” 

The words echoed in Hofnarr’s mind as he frantically tried to pull it out, his vision growing muddled, his hands slipping with blood until…

He blinked.

No stage. No sound. No pain.

Nothing around except for a single white door in front of him.

He stood up again, cautiously reaching for the doorknob.

When he entered he seemed to be in a vintage styled home. It was a kitchen with checkerboard flooring, a table with two chairs, and cheerful music playing through a small radio. It smelled of pastry and medical equipment. Suddenly, there was a knock coming from the door. A familiar voice called from behind it.

“I’m home, dear.” “J-Jeb?!”

Hofnarr rushed towards the front door. Christoff wasn’t trapped here too, was he? “Jeb! W-where are we!? What is this place? What happened to-”

As he opened the door, the clapping returned.

His husband was there, briefcase in hand, his face replaced with a black hole dripping with an unknown inky substance.

He slowly began to back away as “Jeb” moved closer.

The applause, the laughter, was deafening.

Before he could question or run away, Hofnarr was hit by something. His vision blurred, but refocused to be face-to-face with something. It seemed to be a shadow of himself. He tried to run again, but was pinned down by his doppelganger. The clone raised a clawed hand above him and then...

Like waking from a nightmare, Hofnarr quickly sat up once again. He gasped for air, dripping with cold sweat.

Was this really happening? Was it finally over? Was he free?

And then the spotlight focused on him again.

“It… got very surreal. Despite fight after fight, death after painful death... I would suddenly be somewhere else! There was a gameshow, our old apartment, a cat cafe, a... strip club of sorts, a tea room filled with these small armless doodles I used to draw on my research notes trying to offer me snacks… One time there was a sort of singing contest, but I won’t bore you with the details of that one. But when I wasn’t in those places, I felt like I was fighting for my life. It felt like an eternity! And the strangest part of it all? It… it became addicting.”

At first, he felt as if Hofnarr used all of his energy, physical and emotional, to fight back. It reminded him too much of his escape from Nexus. But as time went on, he focused less on escaping and more on surviving. The more he fought, the more he began to lose himself. He was anticipating what sudden whiplash of combat would be thrown at him next. He chuckled at the thought of what excitement would be heading his way. He wanted more. The fights became too slow. Too predictable. Too boring. He began toying with whatever was thrown at him. Turning his shadowy hunters into the hunted. Why let his audience watch the same old fights all the time?

Suddenly, the fighting stopped.

Why? 

He was having fun, wasn’t he? He grew impatient.

“WHAT’S THE HOLD UP!” He yelled into the void, seething with anger. “AREN’T WE SUPPOSED TO BE FIGHTING? ISN’T THAT WHAT I’M HERE FOR?!”

He stomped his foot down, lodging something out of the ground.

The stop sign.

He looked over it curiously. How familiar…

Grabbing hold of it, quick flashes of memories appeared to him.

Nexus, the Science Tower, Phobos, the Other Place… 

A man with long hair standing next to...

Hofnarr… 

Who was that? Was that him?

No…

Only Tricky remained.

Footsteps echoed throughout the halls of the abandoned lab. Heels quickly clicking, cautiously stopping every so often. A lone Nexus Core agent entered through one of the doors.

Perfect timing.

“HAY! YOU THERE!!” A voice stuttered and glitched out, reverberating through the emptiness of the lab. The quickly soldier whipped their head around. “YEAH! YOU, STUPID. PLAY WITH ME!!”

“Who’s there?” The agent pointed their magnum towards the noise. “Show yourself!”

Gladly. The cackling figure emerged from the shadows, posing with a peace-sign, causing the agent to recoil. He grinned, slowly moving towards the cowering goon on the ground. They wouldn’t stand a chance.

“Who are you!?”

They couldn’t kill him.

“FIGHT FIRST. ASK QUESTIONS LATER! AFTER ALL…” 

CAN’T KILL CLOWN.

“IT’S MURDER TIME!”

..

“My body had been there, regenerating and repeating the enmeshment process for years. And by the time I woke up, I was a completely different person. I became a creature of unfiltered impulse… A personification of chaos itself.”

The room grew silent before Hofnarr spoke up again.

“I-Is it horrible to say it was… kind of cool?” He said with a nervous chuckle, twiddling his fingers.

2BDamned was quiet for a moment. They recalled the many times they had to stitch their comrades back together due to Clown Moments. They placed their head in their palms and let out a sigh.

“... You have the right to your own opinion.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BONUS: songs i was listening to on loop while working on this instead of doing my damned writing assignment. Enjoy

lady gaga ft. dorian electra - replay

vestik - tricky's vengeance ft. monocronic

#madness combat #Madness Project Nexus #Dr. Hofnarr #Tricky the Clown #MY WORKS #MY FIC #happy madness day these old dudes are gay. [Vine Boom] gay as hell. [Vine B

[valdotpng]

any tips for regaining confidence in your art/overcoming art block and improving?

tbh.... i dont have a consistent way of dealing w/ art block myself lol. which is valid, i think! ppl become artblocked for different reasons, and everybodys experience with this Very Vague concept are gonna be different. i do have a couple of suggestions, but please keep in mind that i myself have no idea what im doing 99% of the time, so my advice might be Bad actually, and my confidence in.. well, pretty much anything, is oftentimes low as u can probably tell sudfgsduf

-the most common tip is, of course, try to keep drawing. doesnt really matter what-- any little doodle still counts and might end up being a catalyst for you! 

-if youre dead set on improving your art skills, then you could do some studies! figure drawing, sketching, painting, etc etc.. theres a lot to pick from, and it can be quite overwhelming, so dont forget to take it easy and take one step at a time. learning anything takes a lot of time and effort, but even if you dont see any immediate progress, remember that its not in vain: your understanding of certain subjects improves with every little sketch, and so does your muscle memory/general art skills. you could also try watching/reading some tutorials on topics youre interested in

-try new things!! coloring, shading, lineart, art styles.... in my experience, its usually really fun to experiment w/ that kinda stuff. try picking smth that you think you would enjoy doing!! and dont be afraid to be messy, or ‘lazy’, or weird w/ your art in that moment. just try to have fun :]

(additionally, i’d recommend trying out new things when youre not artblocked too obvs, cuz then you can discover funky new techniques outside of your comfort zone more easily)

-if youre particularly frustrated/are running low on energy/nothing else seems to help, then consider taking a break? idk if it works for everyone, but sometimes im just able to like.. wait out an art block. and like, duh. sometimes thats all it takes! burnout is a rather common problem, and its healthy & encouraged to take breaks when you need to

(if youre afraid that the break will end up being way too long or will kill your motivation/want to draw, then at least try to like.. ease into drawing again. draw smth youre good at drawing! doodle smth you Really enjoy doodling! do smth that will remind you of what youre good at already. pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is good for improvement (which is important, so dont forget abt it), but when youre running on fumes, so to speak, being extra self-indulgent might be what will reignite that artistic spark of yours!!)

oh and watch kikis delivery service. /hj  sdhfuisdhf.... when im going through an especially nasty art block i come back to it cuz its got a nice message abt this kinda stuff, among other things. plus its a feel-good ghibli movie, so it might cheer you up idk <:]

hope this helps at least a little bit!!!!

#val.txt #most of my tips are more abt how you can like.. get through an art block #instead of actually Overcoming it if that makes sense #cuz thats how i tend to deal w/ them 😔 #Anonymous

[saipng]

re7 anon, im bad with horror in general so im progressing really slowly but i genuinely thought losing hands was a re8 thing and i felt quite bad for ethan when he lost his left hand like .. he got it back but also i wish he could keep his hands. also if you don't mind me asking, why is re8 a bad game? i dont know anything about this franchise i just jumped straight into the 7th game with 0 knowledge

man oh man how i WISH you hadn’t asked that, for both our sakes. cuz now it is 5 am the day after my birth and there is no way that i am not going to go into an overtly long rant that idk if anyone will care about. but hey, you brought this upon us, so.

without spoilers, why is re8 a bad, bad game?

well, you see. that is simply because it is not a game.

it is a part of a franchise.

listen. listen here. what the hell is that supposed to mean???

there are plenty of franchised games, right. just because a game is part of a franchise, or even a sequel to another game, obviously doesn’t make it automatically bad.

the reason re8 is bad, however, is because that’s all it’s meant to be. it is a sequel and a prequel to yet another sequel. it is not a game.

because, if you look at it from the point of view of a self contained game, it is bad.

the story is all over the place. absolutely nothing is answered or explained, and only more questions are created with the promise to be explored in future games. new characters are introduced only to be very obvious sequel baiting, and absolutely none of them are explored beyond the surfacest of surface levels.

moreover, the reason for things to happen simply isn’t there. the story is so bad, the characters in canon literally cannot explain it to you. the reason is ‘just cuz’. it feels like capcom threw all of their budget into rendering every follicle on dimitrescu’s tiddies as opposed to actually creating a cohesive narrative that doesn’t fall apart at the simplest probing.

see, the reason that re7 worked and re8 doesn’t was because re7 was a GAME. any person, even a person like you, who has never heard of anything resident evil before or even cared about the franchise, could jump in and enjoy their experience with it. the horror works, the story works, the characters work. the pacing is immaculate. i’m not saying it’s a perfect game obviously, but it WORKS and it is FUN. and, for those who DO know resident evil, you get the hints and implications and the lore and even a familiar face and eventually, the dlc. it was an AMAZING reboot to the franchise.

re8 though? re8 assumes you’ve played all of resident evil games before and you’ve enjoyed them immensely and you want more and you will play again and again and again.

im not saying that a game, especially a sequel, has to be completely free of references or call backs to previous games or work alone without any previous knowledge. i mean. that’s not how sequels work.

but in the end, they’re still supposed to make sense. a game is supposed to be that - a game. doesn’t matter if it’s the first or eighth or seventeenth.

re8 feels like a weird wobbly bridge that you got across before the other side is finished building. it is awkward. it feels incomplete, stitched together from different concepts and ideas. they brought back ethan winters only to have no idea what to do with him. they introduced the lords only to be short term hype generators. they shoehorned in chris redfield because he is chris redfield and it really doesn’t matter how much he doesn’t fit.

in my humble opinion, the game needs to be at least 5 hours longer for it to actually start making sense. at LEAST.

the characters, protagonists and antagonists alike, need to actually be explored, the pacing fixed, flimsy writing tied together, map expanded, puzzles actually added in. then, it would be a better game. i don’t know about good. but definitely better.

that being said, you may be thinking. why the HELL is everyone obsessed with this trainwreck????

well, because we’re all mentally ill, that’s why.

okay, serious answer - because the less the assholes give us, the more power it gives us to project and play around. they created these extremely fun concepts and didn’t bother developing them despite the enormous potential and that pissed us all off. well, me. it pissed me off.

and, as we all know, NOTHING motivates me more than spite at this point. so me and the other content creators basically ripped the lords and ethan and rose and all the others out of capcom’s undeserving hands and said ‘okay thanks ours now’.

because dammit, resident evil village could have been SUCH a good game. the idea of it is FUN and we all love it.

the execution? perfectly terrible.

and again, i’m not saying that you’ll hate it. i think you can, and should play it (or at least watch a playthrough). and moreover, i think you’ll enjoy it. i think you’ll have fun, still. i think you’ll like it a lot, as did many others.

none of that erases the fact that it is still very much a bad, bad game.

now, i could go more into how the horror elements greatly suffered because of capcom’s desperate need to rehash re4, or just how much of re4 they actually ripped off and shoved into this game; i could talk about how ethan winters (and mia, to an extent) is a terrible character in this game and reason he works in re7; i could talk at extent why the bakers were truly scary and the lords very much arent; i could even mention all the unnecessary mechanics and how much they truly contributed jack shit to the experience.

i could, but i’m not gonna. this is long enough as it is, and i hope it all made sense, at least somewhat. i tried to not include any spoilers (as much as was possible).

and i also really hope i didn’t dissuade you from giving re8 a try.

because, like i said, it’s still fun. capcom gave us steel beams and pieces of plastic and said ‘go wild’ and we built our own playground. it’s like that post that’s like ‘this amazing new restaurant everyone talks about and you finally go there and they serve white toast bread and everyone brought their own jam’. literally that.

but it can be so good, if that’s something that you can be into !!!

oh and. this is my own personal take on the game, of course. draw your own conclusions, yada yada. but if you’re bad with horror, you’ll find this game easier to digest for sure.

anyway. periodt.😩✌️

#resident evil village #resident evil 8 #re8 #if anyone starts any arguments i’m gonna lose it please don’t okay i’m not strong enough for that #long post #anyway #anonymous #answered

[prismarts]

2020 Creator’s Self-Love Extravaganza!!

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Thank you @roninreverie for the tag!

Let’s see... 2020... what am I most proud of from this year???

---

1.  A Bond That Lasts Centuries

My Douxilly au fanfic inspired by @alovesongshewrote ‘s Almost A Thousand Years, it’s pretty much my first continuous fanfic that I am still working on for the next part (sorry, if I kept any of you waiting for it xD).

I was super inspired by AATY but was incredibly nervous about turning the au ramblings I came up with while reading the fic that I shared with friends into a fanfic, mostly from the fact that I might be accused of copying. But Lovesong and everyone in the Discord server as well as just my friends have been super sweet and supportive and I couldn’t be happier!

Links: https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/636032522517626880/a-bond-that-lasts-centuries-prologue

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/636033273346359296/a-bond-that-lasts-centuries-chapter-1

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/636036602881359873/a-bond-that-lasts-centuries-chapter-2

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/636037062453231616/a-bond-that-lasts-centuries-chapter-3

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/636465861108056064/a-bond-that-lasts-centuries-chapter-4

---

2.  Douxilly Ship Art

Self explanatory, Douxilly has been my comfort ship from the start and has been my way of getting cute ship art and practicing drawing Douxie.  I am extremely proud of the progress and improvement I made in said art and absolutely adore my wizard dorks, I’m also happy that so many of you seem to like them as well and enjoyed the warm reception!

Links: https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/638253722848378880/i-was-cutting-it-close-but-here-is-my-christmas

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/635634426419822592/just-two-wizard-dorks-being-in-love-and-happy

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/635211321534758912/his-girlfriend-cat-dragon-familiar-and-demigod

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634646165441445888/is-it-way-past-halloween-and-just-weird-timing

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634729723188133889/soooo-i-was-writing-a-one-shot-but-then-i-lost

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634913728891174912/soooo-justhave-my-first-ever-time-drawing-douxie

---

3.  Shadowmancy (Pre Wizards Douxilly Oneshot)

Ah, my second ever oneshot posted for not only Tumblr  but for the ToA fandom in general.

I am super proud of this oneshot because it was my first time delving into trying to write more magic stuff, trying to describe magical and tense scenes, writing Merlin. 

But it also gave me a chance to try delving more into writing a frustrated moppet Douxie, who is just determined and impatient, writing a more timid Illy who is....honestly naive when it comes to her affection and loyalty to Douxie. It also let me explore a line from Wizards that always peeked my interest when it came to Douxie’s past, “I never had the gift for Shadowmancy”, 

Overall, I’m just really proud of this one.

Links: https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634812267056283648/shadowmancy-camelot-era

---

4.  Selena Lucia Rica

Granted, I only made one post about her but I am really proud about how she came out design wise and am working on developing her backstory right at this moment as well as making Zolena art!

I think what I loved most was how many of my friends from the Douxie server were so excited in helping me design our werewolf bab, it was honestly a group effort and it makes her all the more special! Expect more of this bab soon! Links: https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/638556968441790464/i-almost-forgot-to-post-her-and-that-is-a-crime

---

5.  Birthday Surprise (Pre Wizards Douxilly Oneshot)

The first oneshot I ever posted here and for the ToA fandom!

In all honesty, I just enjoyed how fluffy it is xD.

This was my first time attempting to write moppet Douxie and also trying to write his and past Illy’s friendship as well as her one sided affection for him. It was also my first time writing Archie, if I am not mistaken and I really wanted to give him and Illy a sibling like relationship.

I’m just proud of how fluffy this came out!

Links: https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634741321060564992/birthday-surprise-camelot-era

---

6.  Douxie Discord Server Art

OOOoooOOHHH BOY!!!

Joining the Douxie server on Discord has definitely helped me expand in my art, and by that, I mean, I started drawing cool concepts, cute concepts and just cursed......

Just cursed art.

That being said, it was absolutely fun and has been quite the adventure, you guys are a riot and I love you all xD

Links: https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/635914679486709760/just-something-dumb-and-fun-after-the-stuff-we

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/636493996173197312/i-im-honestly-not-sure-how-to-feel-about-this

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/638004381489496064/did-this-purely-spawn-from-the-fact-that

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/638345362691719168/discord-shenanigans-that-resulted-in-imagining

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/638578308266721280/this-is-what-happens-when-i-get-nostalgic-and

---

7.  Happy Birthday Douxie! (Art and Oneshot)

Haha, I enjoyed making these,

Now, I won’t say they are my best work but I did immensely enjoy doing special things for my comfort wizard’s birthday! It was also just fun to work on birthday themed stuff so closely to my own birthday.

For the art, I would say it was great to get more practice drawing Nari and Archie, I really loved how they turned out and I can’t wait to draw them more. Oh! also the lighting, I’m still practicing but I was proud of how it turned out!

The oneshot, again, not my best but I loved getting to delve into Illy’s dynamic with Archie and Nari and giving them some special family bonding, trying to make Douxie a birthday cake. Plus, the chaos of it all was super fun!

Links: https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/635211321534758912/his-girlfriend-cat-dragon-familiar-and-demigod

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/635397253786402816/happy-birthday-douxie

---

8. Illyria Calypso

And last but certainly not least, Illy!

The very oc that began my journey on Tumblr and into joining this wonderful fandom!

I’d like to give a special thanks to my friend, @legendling for convincing me to create the lovable dork in the first place! Everyone, you can thank Leg! She is just a special oc to me, like many of my ocs, I enjoyed creating her and inserting her into the world of Tales of Arcadia and exploring her place in this world and in the lives of not only my comfort character, Douxie but also the other characters I adored so much from this series.

And the fact that so many of you loved her and instantly welcomed her existence makes me extremely happy, you guys are amazing and made me and Illy feel so welcomed in this space and I love you all!

Links: https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634626258919178240/soooooo-this-is-my-bab-xd-illyria-calypso-former

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634638299911356416/illyria-calypso-backstory-camelot

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634641323053465600/i-did-say-i-have-a-few-things-i-came-up-with-that

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634644004924964864/more-character-relationship-stuff-cause-yes-so

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634649103598534656/illy-in-wizards-episode-1-spellbound

https://prismarts.tumblr.com/post/634654231157227520/illy-in-wizards-episode-2-history-in-the-making

---

Seriously, all of you guys, my friends and followers are what made this year amazing! I love you guys! Tags: @yagirlcheesely ,  @prezzole , @tales-of-hisirdoux , @alovesongshewrote , @legendling , @blixeon , @soni-dragon , @generalfandomsofthefreak , @bernie-the-nugget , @furblrwurblr , @krelitobxby , @wizardalienhunter , @moppetwithamanbun , @valentimmy , @roninreverie , @pinkflash4627 , @angeliatheturkishdelight

#toa wizards #toa douxie #douxie #hisirdoux #douxie casperan #hisirdoux casperan #douxilly #douxie x oc #toa archie #toa merlin #toa nari #toa zoe #zolena #proudest work in 2020 #2020 creator's self love

[dsmpdaily]

Gotta catch them all! Positivity! :3

Good evening to ya! Have a good day today? Eat a meal? Drink some water? Take time to relax and focus your brain? Try and stay cool today? I don't really have anything positive to say, just been in a in and out of reality and emotions day today. I watched a few past lore streams while in the hospital and while at home. Did you watch any today?

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” —Nathaniel Hawthorne

Butterflies are amazing. They're sent down to watch over you by your loved ones that have passed, so that you can know they are watching over you. They're a sign that better things are coming, just have to bust out of your dark cocoon first.

“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

And don't worry about the hospital, it was just routine blood work and a few routine scans for my shoulder.

hello hello! i just got home im very tired (-‿-)

i did relax a bit today, tried to draw something ive been meaning to for a few days but havent made any progress hadhsh

i haven't watched a good ol' lore stream in a while, probably should try and do that sometime. the hospital? not going to press on the subject but i hope you and everyone around you is ok! (i saw your note at the end– but the sentiment still applies, hope everyones alright!)

thank you for the quotes this is fun, i think its always cool to see quotes from people i know of/am familiar with their work, even if its someone classic like hawthorne which many americans would be familiar with

butterflies are really pretty! oh that's neat! i dont really have much to say except thats very poetic and cool :)<

off topic my autocorrects been acting up lately (i dont even have autocorrect on??) and whenever i backspace to fix a word it will repeat that word and make a weird word amalgamation, so if there's ever a weird horrible misspelling its probably that (although it's entirely possible id just horribly mess up a word anyway)

#sometimes your asks really make me turn my thinking brain on pretty cool #maybe its the bsd fan inside of me that gets inspiration from your author quotes and poetic phrases </3 #asks #:3 anon

[astaroth1357]

Eh, nobody tagged me in this game, but I saw @danieyells did it and thought it was thoroughly cute so I’ll do a little more sharing for a change (take a few steps out of my comfort zone of relative anonymity, you know?)

1. Who is your favorite brother? Depends on the day. Good days: Beel. Bad days: Levi. All days: Mammon. (Yes that still somehow doesn’t make him sole favorite)

2. Who are your top 3 favorite brothers? Mammon, Beel, Levi. Easy-peasy.

3. Who is your favorite undateable? Barbatos actually. Since we know practically jackshit about him I’ve made an idealized version of him in my head and let me tell ya, he’s great!

4. What is your most powerful card? Idol Beel (First Beel card the game ever gave me. Took two months and I’ve been milking it ever since...)

5. What is your favorite card? Uhhh... Based solely on art, I’d say it’s a three-way between Belphie’s Our Summer Festival (my icon art) for its eye-catching colors, Levi’s The Battle Between Demons because its utterly adorkable, and Satan’s de-flowered I’ll Protect You because he looks like he’s ready to steamroll a small nation.

6. Who is your favorite artist who draws obey me fanart? Is YES a valid answer? I’m an art whore... I tend to really like what @Pon.ee does, their style is wonderfully slick, energetic, and fun!

7. Who is your favorite writer in the fandom? @obae-me (@marajordyn)​ still holds a well-deserved death grip on my top spot. I honestly can only read so much of her work in one sitting because it legit inspires me so much I’ll be bouncing off the walls with creativity for hours (and annoy all my loved ones in the process). I couldn’t recommend her work more. READ IT.

8. What was your favorite event? Lamp/1001 Devildom Nights. It’s almost purely a matter of personal preference. I adore things inspired by or based off of the Arabian Nights... (Magi is my semi-guilty pleasure anime for that very reason)

9. Are you struggling with new lessons? The Main Story? No. The Hard mode? Hella yeah. I’ve just given up making progress there for a while so I can conserve resources.

10. What is your favorite obey me! theory? The one I came up with a while ago that concludes that either Levi’s skin or his demon clothes must indestructible. Or that Diavolo is an unwitting puppet ruler and Barbs has been secretly running things the whole time. Either of those.

11. What your favorite devilgram story you’ve unlocked?

(1) The Queen of Jealousy for Beel is a favorite (I didn’t even think there was a jealous Beel before then)

(2) Belphie’s Shelter from the Rain (Belphie being cute is my eternal kryptonite)

(3) Levi’s Under the Sea (Fun fact: I get anxious in deep water, the ocean especially, but my mind has long since accepted that Levi=Safety as far water is concerned. Game, you cannot convince me otherwise.)

(4) Presents for Lucifer/Quality Time for For Two (I’ve mentioned before that Lucifer and I have the same birthday, so the stuff around his birthday event kind of hits me different, you know?)

And honorable mention Romance Royale if only for the bait and switch ending (is it weird that I’d be totally into having a prince/maid dynamic with Levi, Satan, and Belph? Probably not, but it surprised me.)

12. Which brother do you have the most SSR and URs cards of? Apparently I have 14 Mammons... Lucifer makes a close second (though I don’t really use him) and Beel is in third. If there were a trade system I’d be auctioning my Lucifer’s for more Levi’s (which would probably piss him off).

13. What level are you currently? 183

14. Have you been able to deflower any cards yet? Yes, yes I have.

15. What is your total strength? 5250924

16. What is the total strength of the person at the top of your friend list? 7207926

17. Out of your friend list, what are you ranked at for total strength? Example: 12 out of 24. 9/99

18. Which brother do you currently have on your home screen? Yukata Levi (it pairs well with his background)

19. What is your icon on your student I.D? Levi’s Pieces of the Puzzle

20. What does your about me on your student I.D say? Ride or Die, Mammie

Since this is a tag game, and I’m genuinely curious about y’all (I got practically no one to talk to about this game back home so throw me some scraps...!!), I’ll go ahead and tag @ghostcomit, @buntycake, @yuki-kaminari, @marajordyn, @life-is-a-soup-and-im-a-fork, and @minami--chan. If anyone else wants to chime in, go right on ahead! (I did and like hell am I going to be a hypocrite)

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me tag game #tag game

[laikamaeris]

do u have an account where you post art unrelated to dames and dragons? ur art is fuckin sublime dude. What sort of stuff do you take insp from? Like, how do u practice? Sorry if this is weird ur art is just rad!!!!

ok first of all thank you anon thats so sweet !! omg !! and i don't really have any other art accs but if you want to follow my artfight .. thats the only place i have any of my original content at the moment! i should be posting there quite a bit next month and i'm trying to upload some new characters in the next few days so if you want a peek into my little non-dames-related mind? as for art insp i take a lot of inspiration from biblical and mythological paintings & stories, especially when it comes to symbolism. also music! i love drawing based on music. for actual style i have no clue,, i'm sure i take insp from artists i see online and whatever media i'm interested in? like lately ive been taking a lot of insp from. sigh. death note cover art. because my friend and i got into it as a joke but i . really enjoy the art. like the artist seems like kind of a shithead but he sure can biblical imagery. for practice- i really don't take my art seriously at all, i just draw because its my favorite thing to do! its very fun for me to try to improve my art and i draw whenever i can. i've been trying to paint landscapes from reference for practice (thats not the type of thing you see here but . i do it !) and i think its helpful to use art you admire as reference for aspects you struggle with- i don't do them often but painting studies are very cool! also reading books on art theory is suuuper helpful if thats something youre interested in. i say these things but my main form of practice is just drawing from memory soooo much like too much. i dont suggest it reference is great and i know my anatomy and posing suffers from not using ref ever. i also just draw on a huge document and sketch probably. 50-100 things per canvas. also i do all of my finished things on the same canvas with everything else . making new files is for suckers. i don't know if thats helpful for my artistic progression but its what i do. also i never do underlying sketches for ANYTHING ! i will just paint directly onto a sketch, clean up a sketch and color under it , OR just paint directly without any sketch if im doing lineless. i work best this way for whatever reason. again. i dont necessarily suggest it but i think its important to find a rhythm that works for you!

#this is so longwinded . okay . sorry <3 #but anon i hope this helps ? and also thank yououou #you r so kind <3 #not dames #follow my artfight do it do it i know you want to . #most of the art there is OLD as all hell but ill be updating it i swear

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers ! another ask for u : im soo afraid in the next chapter momo will be homophobic towards ht !! I mean except Zzx who seems at ease with his sexuality, the other boys all seem kind of homophobic. Jy called ht repulsive bc he called him pretty while he was a guy, Ht is very agressive in his advances (which i linked to toxic virility which entails homophobia) ; then both of them changed for the better bc of their feelings for another man. 1/?

Good evening, dear anon-san!

“thanks for ur as always deepful analyses and answers !”

I’m glad you’ve enjoyed them! Every time people send me questions it always makes me happy and to be honest, a bit taken aback because I’m just a little old me. But I’m glad my answers have had such a positive reception and given people food for thought. And it’s always a pleasant surprise when people feel like they can come to my ask box with their interpretations and strike up a conversation.

Homophobia is a very complex topic, and I wondered where I should start to unravel this ask. But soon I realized before I can even begin that I have to take a moment to sort out my own feelings. Whenever people say the boys in 19 Days are abusive or homophobic for whatever reason I tend to get ticked off. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, often sparked by my own bias, but something that can very easily cloud my answer and make it unfair for you. Exchanging interpretations and perspectives requires a level of objectivity and the ability to rise above your own bias. I can’t dismiss something just because it uncomfortably pokes my nerve. Instead, I should take a step back, try and see things from another point of view, and find some common ground.

I’m not saying I had to struggle to agree with you on anything but your ask certainly reminded me of how challenging yet rewarding it is to actually listen to an interpretation that differs from my own and try to objectively look at the story from that point of view. It hurts your brain at first but is surprisingly freeing in the end.

Because you addressed so many things in your ask, I will tie my answer together under the theme of homophobia and give it some structure that way. This will be my great 19 Days - homophobia edition. \(^v^)/

Sexual orientation and environment

Let’s start with the biggest context you brought up in your ask: social and cultural environment. I’m not familiar enough with Chinese culture to have anything definite to say about its attitude towards LGBT people. Of course, I’ve heard of the discrimination and even blatant hate by their government but I don’t have any idea about how ordinary, modern-day Chinese people view others with different sexual orientations. Not to mention, it’s always risky to take fictional works as an accurate representation of the milieu in which they’re set.

But I do think that 19 Days discusses homophobia in societies, though on a more general level. As Jian Yi has come to realize his feelings towards Zhan Zheng Xi, we’ve also gotten glimpses of his struggles. They’re surrounded by other kids in school, and from the very early chapters it’s been implied two guys being that close together or comfortable with that level of skinship turns people’s heads (ch. 53, 54, 55, and 57):

Of course, those panels also poke fun at the stereotype of girls being interested in cute guys being cute together. The girls stare, take pictures, and even smile knowingly. This bothered ZZX because it put him in awkward situations and created misunderstandings that would be embarrassing to correct. And the more he would try to deny and correct them, the more he would probably end up looking suspicious. But the bottom line is, he was increasingly conscious of the weird looks and attention JY’s antics were attracting and didn’t want people to get the wrong picture of his friendship with JY. All of that could give us some hints on how two boys being close might be viewed by their peers, but it should also be kept in mind that those kinds of “gay panic” moments are a big part of the humor you find in 19 Days.

Having a crush on someone of the same gender gets more serious tones after JY kissed ZZX (ch. 142)

The secret was finally out in the open. JY had carried his feelings in his heart for a long time. He had wanted to confess them so many times and often hidden them behind jokes and antics. Perhaps every time he had jumped to hug ZZX he had caught a whiff of his scent and enjoyed the feeling of him in his arms. But to take the definite last step of confessing and lifting that curtain had always terrified him. And who wouldn’t have been scared? Not only would you have to come out but also risk losing your childhood best friend. It could be JY had even thought of never telling ZZX about his feelings because it could go horribly wrong.

For a while, things are somewhat put on pause after the first reveal which I found very realistic. JY wasn’t flat-out rejected but ZZX most definitely needed a moment to sort out his own feelings. He pestered JY to be straight with him (pun not intended...) and made it clear it would be safe for JY to rely on him and free himself of the burden. Despite that JY was still very unsure if his confession won’t result in ZZX abandoning him because “gay” is abnormal and disgusting (ch. 164):

Even when JY finally confessed he was expecting to be rejected in disgust (ch. 209):

But he had sort of reached the point of just finally getting it all out even if ZZX wouldn’t return his feelings. Even if it meant they wouldn’t be friends anymore. At least he had said it. He had heartbreakingly little faith that their kind of relationship wouldn’t be completely doomed. Thank god he had fallen for someone like ZZX. I don’t think I’ve never been as grateful for a character like him before.

A tangible example of how Zhanyi and their environment collided was Xiao Hui’s character (ch. 158):

When she called JY a disgusting gay, it was the first time he was facing that kind of homophobia. Though her actions were frustrating, I think Xiao Hui’s character was a good addition to Zhanyi. At first, she lashed out both because she was hurt and publicly humiliated but also no doubt because she had internalized the idea that heterosexuality was the norm and anything else was abnormal and wrong. Later on, she had had time to lick her wounds and calm down (ch. 258):

She still has a crush on ZZX but even though she probably realizes she doesn’t have a chance she still wants a clear rejection from ZZX. It still hurts and stings but doesn’t upset her as much. It could even be she’s a little happy for them. I think Xiao Hui’s character is a good example that people are capable of changing and reflecting when they’re given a chance. And no one should be forever held accountable and punished for the mistakes they made and have since bettered themselves.

In a broader sense, I think Zhanyi also discusses what kind of future a same-sex couple could have in society (ch. 268):

That drawing on the wall is my favorite Zhanyi moment. As cute as ZZX drawing him and JY together was, it also carries some bittersweet undertones. The original drawing represents the norm: a boy and a girl in love but if there are no skirts involved, it’s a whole other story. To be open about their relationship would most probably never be an option for JY and ZZX. Something as simple as holding hands in public would take courage and threaten to complicate other aspects of their lives (school, work, family). They don’t have the same privilege as straight people to openly and safely share their feelings and have that universal experience.

Your ask was mainly about Mo Guan Shan and He Tian, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about their environment since you also referred to it. And the easiest way for that seemed to be to talk about the progress of Zhanyi. As you suggested, it does seem the society in which all of the characters live is very much heteronormative which puts pressure on the characters to fit in. And if they fail that, they will face homophobia and most probably feel the need to hide their true selves. Case in point, Zhanyi.

Boys being boys

As much as I know that phrase is deemed Problematic™ these days, I think it fits the dynamics of the boys of 19 Days. They mess with each other, and all of that is typical humor for the comic. Personally, I’ve never taken any of their teasing and good-natured bullying seriously because it’s how 15-year-old boys are around each other.

However, I just finished talking about the environment under which influences and discourses the boys have grown up. I don’t feel like I can ignore what I had just been saying and brush it off as “oh well, they’re just boys” if they’ve always been surrounded by certain attitudes. Does that mean the boys have also internalized those attitudes towards gay people despite having feelings for someone of the same sex? Does that make them a representation of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia?

In all honesty, I’m struggling to answer those questions. On one hand, I do agree that society’s norms of what is masculine put a lot of pressure on boys when growing up. You have to act, talk, dress, and be in a certain way to be accepted, and it doesn’t take a lot for kids to internalize those ideas. And as you said, acting or looking gay (not to mention, actually being one) is probably the worst a young boy could be. Being gay is often linked to everything a proper man shouldn’t be: sissy, effeminate, sensitive, weak, submissive, on the bottom. The list goes on and on.

On the other hand, do I think you can see that in the four main boys of 19 Days? I suppose it’s possible if that’s the direction you want to take. If you look at anything through those lenses, you can probably find toxic masculinity everywhere. Do I think HT, MGS, JY and ZZX are homophobic because they possibly showcase traits of toxic masculinity? I guess. I don’t know. I see where that interpretation comes from, but some part of my brain never manages to make the full connection between those two. I’m constantly having a feeling that my way of thinking differs from your interpretation but I can’t properly validate or argue my opinions.

Perhaps taking a look at the examples you mentioned might help. You talked about JY being homophobic when this was his response to HT calling him good looking (ch. 108):

I can’t exactly deny that panel couldn’t be taken as toxic masculinity. I might even agree with you on that. I wouldn’t probably go as far as saying JY was being homophobic but it does seem like his masculinity was threatened or questioned in that situation. Interestingly, I’ve seen that phrase pop up a lot in yaoi/shounen-ai comics. Characters who are in a gay relationship don’t often feel comfortable with guys complimenting them - or even the guy they’re in love with. I’ve always wondered that. Does that mean there’s a level of self-denial in those characters or is it just a cultural thing? Does it embarrass them?

In general, I think all of that has to do with their age, and another good example of that would be ZZX and JY’s reaction to HT messing with MGS (ch. 289 and 298):

I’ve seen people calling those moments homophobic as well and can’t really agree with them. I would say those reactions have more to do with teenage boys being awkward and embarrassed. HT putting the moves on MGS in front of them is embarrassing and something they don’t wish to see. I mean, I wouldn’t want to see my friends constantly acting like that around me either. Seeing public displays of affection embarrasses me and makes me awkward as hell. (Though, I don’t know if that’s just a Finnish thing...)

In short, I see a lot of how the boys act around each other just natural to how teenage boys are. They mess with each other and standing up for yourself in that sense (for example, getting revenge, being physical, or returning the verbal teasing) is important and typical. That’s how I see JY’s words in the example you mentioned: he felt like HT was messing with him and shot back. All of that could, of course, be seen as internalized toxic masculinity, but I don’t think it’s quite as blatant as people sometimes make it out to be. I’ve always taken it as boys just being boys and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What comes to HT being pushy and overbearing, I don’t see that being connected to toxic masculinity and making him homophobic because of that. It feels a bit of a stretch and shakey. Instead, I actually think HT is quite comfortable with both of his own feelings for MGS and the idea of same-sex relationships in general (ch. 187):

The little heart-to-hearts JY and HT occasionally have also show us that despite often making fun of each other, they can take it more seriously when needed. JY would have never asked about having feelings for another male if he couldn’t trust HT wouldn’t make fun of him.

The case of Mo Guan Shan

You talked a lot about MGS, so I thought I’d take a closer look at his character separately. You made some interesting points I’ve also been thinking about and was glad they popped up in your ask.

Since we’ve talked about toxic masculinity so far, let’s continue on that. You mentioned that MGS is prone to homophobia because he’s had to act tough. Upholding a certain kind of image is essential in gangs. Being weak and submissive - aka gay, as I talked about above - isn’t an option in that line of work.

I agree with you on all of that. Why MGS is so uncomfortable with HT being physical with him is at least partly because he can’t come across as someone who can be taken advantage of (ch. 250):

If he can be physically overpowered and made vulnerable, it means he can be submitted. In the masculine world, physical strength seems to be the final and ultimate law that settles all the disputes at the latest. And if you lose in that you’re on the bottom or at least lower on the hierarchy. Now, multiply that mentality by a lot to fit it in the world of teenage gangs and the borderline criminal underworld. So, yes, I would most definitely say MGS doesn’t want himself to be put in that situation. Much less anyone finding out about it.

Then again, the story has kind of revisited that idea when HT “joined” MGS’s gang and his underlings started seeing HT around more. And they seem somewhere between intimidated by HT and impressed their boss has managed to make someone like HT call him “brother”. That fits the same mentality of strength, but I can’t honestly see Buzzcut or other members of the gang giving MGS a hard time even if they found out about HT’s affections. Chances are, they would be even more impressed, bless them.

Overall, I think MGS lashing out (or being homophobic) is mostly due to him not trusting HT and HT slowly but surely wearing him out and making him see his own prejudice against people like HT. Yelling out insults has been the easiest way to fight HT’s affections, although it’s not proven very successful. It’s also important to remember MGS is fairly inexperienced when it comes to love and romantic affection (ch. 222):

He’s always been rejected and discriminated by his peers and over the years, he’s started to mirror that behavior and push people away. Having crushes (let alone having a girlfriend) has never really been a concern for him. And it’s not like he’s had time for something like romance anyway because working has taken so much of his time. In this regard, MGS isn’t that mature or experienced and tends to get uncomfortable and lash out very quickly.

I’ve already talked about the note and what kind of role I think it will have (if it will be addressed at all). And I’m not really worried about MGS saying something homophobic to HT. I think we’re way past of him being like “I don’t speak to a homo” at this point already. He’s been aware of HT’s affections for a good while by now and even tentatively warmed up to some of it (for example, the aquarium date and the studs). (Even though, I think it’s still too early to talk about MGS being in love with HT.)

MGS has come a long way, and I might even say he’s gained some sexuality-related maturity on the way. Slowly but surely, he’s become comfortable with having HT around, and if after all this development he would say something like that, it would be a pretty big step backward. Of course, that doesn’t mean he can’t throw insults and lash out but let’s not forget we’re talking about a purebred tsundere here. That’s always going to happen with him.

And while we’re keeping it real, it’s not like HT would pay any mind to those insults. After MGS asked for the studs, I think HT’s resolve has only strengthened.

I hope this answer makes some sense, to me it feels like a bit of a mess of this and that. A lof of “I can’t deny that but still...” You really threw some hard questions and challenged my thinking a lot. Thank you!

#19 days #tianshan #zhanyi #Jian Yi #He Tian #mo guan shan #Zhan zheng xi #answered ask

[number-one-micoverse-fan]

Songbird

Content warnings: graphic depictions of violence, body mutilation, non-consensual drug use, non-consensual touching in a s*xual manner (nothing excessive, it’s only one paragraph is bracketed by [*] so you can skip it if you want), torture

-----------------------------------

“Quit struggling!”

Dominic ignores the barked order, twisting and thrashing against the shackles holding his arms above his head. The giant birdcage he’s in rattles angrily against the cement floor, his toes just barely brushing the cold metal of the bottom of the cage. He heaves his legs against the chains around his ankles, barely managing to bend his knees before their short length stalls his progress.

“Just leave ‘im,” Another voice grunts, “He’ll tire himself out eventually.”

“Fuckin’ annoying…” The first grumbles. There’s a scrape of a chair, a clatter, footsteps, and then a figure steps into the circle of light made by the bright lamps around the cage. Their face is covered in dark goggles and a prop gas mask, a hood pulled over their head to hide the rest of their features. In one gloved hand, they clutch a humming metal stick.

“I said quit it!” The man jabs the stick between the bars of the cage and into Dom’s abdomen. Pain rockets through Dom’s body, his muscles seizing, breath catching as his body arches in shocked agony. When the cattle prod is pulled away, Dom sags in his restraints, gasping weakly, his head spinning, aftershocks shivering through him.

“Theeeere’s a good little parakeet,” The masked captor purrs, reaching a hand through the bars and cupping Dom’s face, raising his head so Dom can see his own blurry reflection in the man’s goggles, “You just keep on your best behavior, do as you’re told, and this’ll be muuuuccchhh easier for everyone. Things are going to get a whole lot more fun in bit…”

**********

Dom whines as he feels the pinch of the needle in his upper arm.

His vision is swimming, a smear of colors and twisting shapes and bright lights that dazzle the backs of his eyes. His captors have been keeping him dosed on a supply of drugs; not enough to knock him out but certainly enough to alter his mind and his perception. It makes his body feel distant and numb, his tongue heavy and his limbs unresponsive.

He’s still strung up in the birdcage artfully structured from rebar and piping and it still held sturdy despite all of Dom’s prior thrashing. The chains are taught, the bite of the shackles a dull and distant throbbing brushing vaguely against his sense, almost an afterthought that barely registered as pain. Dom tired to focus on what was going on around him, but his attempts slipped through his fingers, reality oozing out of his grip like water through cracks. It pools into a collective puddle of notions, of ideas, of what he could almost understand. People and voices and shapes and sensations all muddied by ripples of drugs across his mind.

“Show time~” A voice purrs in his ear and Dom shivers. He can feel the syllables trickling through his ear canal and down the side of his neck like ice water, “You still with us, lill’ parakeet?” Fingers tap the side of Dom’s face, the sound bouncing inside his skull and rattling his eyes in their sockets, “Come on, say something for us. Sing for the camera, birdie.”

A hand grabs Dom’s face and jerks his head up, a different voice growling at him, “What’s yer name, bird? Say it.”

Dom tries to remember how to work his tongue, tries to answer to get the unfamiliar fingers away from his face. They feel weird, rubbery, maybe a a latex glove instead of skin and skin. Dom blinks rapidly, drags himself out of the swamp his mind wants to sink into,

“Dh…Dom’nic…B-Bridg…ges….”

A chittering laugh tickles his skin and Dom shudders as the hand lets him go, his head drooping too his chest, “Can’t handle his medicine, can he?”

“Yeah, let ‘im stew for a while,” Says the second voice, bemused but patient, “Couple of minutes and he’ll be back with us. Just gotta work the drugs out of his system. Thought a fat man like him woulda been able to handle more.”

A collection of laughter, bouncing against Dom’s senses, making his puddle of reality fog with ripples. He closes his eyes, dizzy and unfocused, listens to his own breathing and the sensation of air against his throat, of his ribs expanding in his chest, the feeling of his own blood pumping through his veins. He’s not sure if he falls asleep or if he’s awake the whole time and it’s just the drugs wearing off, but at some point he realizes his mind has settled and he’s more aware than he used to be. He’s still pleasantly numb, but not blitzed out of his mind.

He lifts his head, lids still heavy on his eyes, and casts his gaze around the room. There are figures around the outside of his cage, leaning on the bars or standing in the shadows of the massive lights lighting him from every angle. He can’t make them out very well, and even if he could, it seems like most of them are wearing masks or other things that cover their faces, distorting them, hiding them. Strangers in black with hidden faces, their hands covered in medical gloves, their voices dark sneers and mocking chuckles.

“Looks like the parakeet’s back with us,” One of them purrs and the rest of them murmur and chatter in excitement, “What’s your name, birdie? Say it for the camera…”

Dom blinks in an almost lazy manner and then slowly shakes his head. There are scoffs and tsk’s and mean little laughter from around the room.

“Name or we go find your kid and he can join you in the cage.”

Cold fear jolts Dominic into a more coherent state and he struggles to push mud-thick words out of his mouth,

“D-Dominic Bridges.”

“Good boy. Now, Mr. Bridges, we’re going to have some fun. Don’t worry, you won’t die. But you are going to be in a lot of pain. We’d apologize but,” More laughter, louder, darker, nastier,

“We just wouldn’t mean it.”

————

They start with little cuts.

Thin scalpels and razor wires slid against his exposed arms and legs and chest, leaving thin and shallow slices across his skin. They hardly bleed but they sting something awful against the cold air and Dom winces every time they hurt him.

From the tiny cuts, they move onto big knives and burns. They dig knives into his belly, just enough to make blood ooze from the deeper cuts, streaking red lines down to the waistline of his boxers. They stub out cigarettes and cigars anywhere they want, grinding the burning tips into his flesh and drawing out a cry of pain almost every time. Sweat and tears are tangling on his face, dripping into the stinging cuts on his back .

One of them grabs a fistful of his hair and yanks his head back, exposing his neck and making him arch his back with a grunt. Another slides fingers into Dom’s mouth, pries his teeth apart, and wedges a gag in, keeping Dom’s jaw open, drool sliding down his chin around the metal bars. They laugh at him as he shakes his head and someone snags his tongue, yanking on it and making Dom cough.

They put a cigarette out on Dom’s tongue and that makes him scream.

The agony builds, piling itself one injury on top of another, until his entire body is one, big, pulse point of suffering. He hurts, he hurts everywhere, hurts so much it’s impossible to get a breath. He hurts so much his mind is trying to black out, he can’t tell who’s doing what to him anymore, he only knows he’s in pain. He only knows that every time someone comes near him he is hurt. His voice is lost. Any existence outside of this state of pain is lost. Dominic Bridges is lost.

A knife goes through his cheek, clinks against his teeth, and his mouth is filled with iron and red. He chokes on it, heaving as it stings across the fresh burn on his tongue, jolts forward to let it spill out of his mouth with a burn of stomach acid and drool.

Something heavy smashes into his left knee and he feels something shatter. A garbled screech tears from his throat as he momentarily whites out at sheer, incomprehensible level of pain he experiences. His left leg is unresponsive and shrieks in pain with every jostle or movement, twisting horribly in the shackle at his ankle.

Whips lash across his back, leaving weeping lines of blood—and all Dom can think is that he hopes it makes the lines on Cody’s back disappear.

A few of his fingers are snapped but those brief instances of sharp pain fade into easily forgettable throbs of pain that only barely register as individuals across the grand scope of what he’s suffering.

There are more knives. There are matches and blow torches. There is hot water and cold water and something that goes off next to his ear and makes something pop and suddenly there is silence in his right ear. There are thrown fists and hot pokers and always, always the jeers and laughter and taunts of the people doing this to him.

And then there is a long stretch where nothing happens.

No one hurts him, no one touches him, and Dom realizes that they must be done with him. They must have finally gotten bored and have gone looking for a new toy to play with.

Footsteps make him tense and he squints against the bright lights through the one eye that isn’t swollen shut. There’s only two of them, not wearing masks, but rather baseball caps pulled low over their faces and hooded sweaters, casting them in deeper shadows. One of them notices him looking and Dominc sees a glint of teeth as the person smiles wickedly,

[*] “Hey little bird, glad to see you’re still alive. You had us worried for a bit there,” The pair draw closer and, with oddly gently hands, remove the gag, “It was fun to play with you but you have to go home now.” They start undoing the shackles, jostling Dom’s shattered knee, and he whines in protest, “I know, parakeet, I don’t want you to leave either. But if you stayed any longer, you’d probably be dead. And then we wouldn’t get paid.” One captor grabs Dom’s face in one hand, gleefully sliding their thumb into the cut on his cheek so Dom can feel their latex glove in his mouth, “Just one more thing for you before you go…” Their other hand slides down Dom’s mangled chest and Dom whines in horrified distress as it dips past the waistline of his boxers, squeezing gently between Dom’s legs and making him buck despite his injuries, trying to pull away, [*]

“Don’t struggle, parakeet,” His captor tightens his grip on Dom’s face, putting pressure on the cut in his cheek, “Think of this like a parting gift. And a warning…”

There’s a mouth against his, lips pressed against his dry ones, and it takes Dom longer than he’d like to admit to realize that this stranger who just spent countless hours on torture, is now kissing him. He jerks weakly and is rewarded with a tongue is mouth, pressing against the burn on his own tongue, making him whimper and try to pull away. There’s one last lick against the inside of his mouth and then the stranger pulls away, with a sneer and string of pink-ish drool connecting them for a moment. They lean in close again and Dom leans away, clenching his jaw shut, but there’s only a playful whisper in his ear,

“Stay away from Miranda Kearney and we won’t have another playdate, Dominic Bridges~”

A pinch of a needle in his neck.

Time slowly blurring away into darkness.

Nothing.

————

Dom wakes up to something over his face and instantly panic. His hands fly up and he pushes at it, trying to get it off, gasping and struggling weakly.

There are voices and shouting, loud beeps and hurried footsteps.

Hands grab him, holding him down, and Dom screams at them.

Cold in his veins.

Sleep in his mind.

Nothing once again.

————

His next waking is a slow one, a gentle rise like waves lapping at the shore of an empty beach in the dawn.

He knows that he is laying down, that around him is softness, that the pain is distant and throbbing in the back of his mind. Only one eye will open and he squints against the bright lights overhead. The air smells like cleaning solutions and chemicals. There’s a white softness to everything, something gentle and consoling that makes Dominic breathe a little easier, even with the pressure-pain in his ribs.

A hospital…

“Dominic?”

He turns his head just enough to see Miranda leaning forward in her chair at his bedside. Her voice is soft and distressed, she looks tired and pale and like she hasn’t slept in weeks. Dom tries to offer her a reassuring smile and opens his mouth to say that he’s okay, but Miranda places a couple of cool fingertips on his lips with a shake of her head,

“Don’t try to talk, honey, you’ve already pulled your stitches once. Just relax, you’re okay now, you’re safe. We can deal with a police report and everything later.”

She brushes his hair back, leans down to kiss his forehead, and tells him to go back to sleep. Dom makes a soft noise in the back of his throat; he doesn’t want to sleep, he wants to see Cody, he wants to make sure his son is okay. He wants to tell Miranda that she’s in danger and she needs to stay away from him. He wants to go home and keep his family safe.

But Miranda’s hand on his forehead is familiar and soft, it’s chilled against his fevered skin. Comforting. And his body is exhausted, his mind drained, and he only means to close his eye for a second…

It’s dark when his eye open again, quiet except for a soft beeping from a machine monitoring his heart.

Miranda is gone, her chair empty, and for a second Dom thinks he’s alone. Then he hears someone breathing, feels a warm weight against his side, and glances down to see Cody tucked onto the bed beside him. Someone’s laid another hospital blanket over the both of them and it’s slid down to bunch around Cody’s waist, one of Cody’s hands is curled lightly into the front of Dom’s hospital gown, resting on Dom’s hip (one of the few places without stitches or injuries). Dom feels his heart swelling in his chest, warmth bleeding into every cavity of his body as he looks at his sleeping son. Laboriously, with a slowness that would do a tortoise proud, Dom reaches out and tugs the blanket back up over Cody’s shoulder.

Only then, with one hand resting in Cody’s hair, does Dominic let himself sleep.

————

Healing enough to speak takes a while.

But that process isn’t nearly as bad as having to make an actual police report.

The officers and detective want Dom to be alone but Miranda refuses to leave. She sits in a chair beside Dom’s bed, her hand wrapped gently around his bandaged and splinted fingers, and frowns at the officers until they relent. Cody is, thankfully, at Milo’s, and while Dom would rather Miranda not hear any of it, he can at least be grateful that Cody isn’t around to accidentally overhear anything.

Speaking is hard. His tongue is swollen and sore and his words are stiff and slurred together. He speaks slowly, each breath a labor, and struggles to remember everything he can. He feels humiliated and weak and tries to swallow the notion that he deserves what happened to him. When he mentions the unwanted kiss, he stumbles, falters and his breath hitches and his eyes burn and he feels so disgusted with himself for letting it happen. But he pushes it out anyway, closes his eyes because he can’t look at Miranda when he tells the officers that his captors had told him to stay away from her.

But he does pull his hand out of her’s.

“Dom…” She breathes his name, broken butterfly wings and falling flower petals and it destroys him because he’s the reason she sounds so hurt. It’s his fault and she should just stay away from him before it gets worse.

Dominic Bridges breaks his own heart because at least that will mean no one else will have to get hurt.

————

Miranda doesn’t leave.

She ignores Dom’s requests to stay away, shushes him when he tries to protest, reassures him that she is safe, that Cody is safe, that everyone is safe.

“I’m dangerous…” He murmurs to her. Dom’s recovered enough to be propped up in bed, leaning against a lot of pillows and spending time he isn’t sleeping watching hospital television.

“No, you’re not. Stop saying that.” Miranda chides him gently, offering a spoonful of porridge for him to eat, something soft and easy for his still healing body to process, “There’s nothing anyone can do. Cody and Milo and his family are under police protection, and so am I. No one is going to get hurt, I promise.”

Dom doesn’t believe her.

————

The police finally made an arrest when Dom was moved from the ICU.

But it’s Miranda who tells him the truth.

“His name is Carter,” Her voice is gentle, hesitant, her hand in his and her thumb massaging his knuckles in slow circles, “We…we dated in college. There was some talk about—it was pretty serious. But…” She pauses, won’t look directly at Dom, “Things didn’t work out. He couldn’t let me—wouldn’t let me—go. There were…restraining orders involved. It wasn’t pretty. He must have found out about us somehow. The police said he paid some people from the—the dark web or something. They had you in a Red Room, recording video for Carter of your…stay.” Tears well in her eyes and she lifts Dom’s hand to her face, pressing her cheek against the back of his hand, the pads of her fingers light against his palm,

“I’m so sorry, Dominic, this is my fault. I had no idea Carter was still watching me! If I had known—if I had any idea he would do something like this—! I’m so, so sorry! This is all my fault! It’s my fault you got hurt! I’m sorry, Dom, I’m so sorry!”

Dom stares at her as her tears drip onto his hand, sliding down his wrist to fall onto the bedspread. Miranda’s words are bright against his heart, something familiar about them making his spine ache and his eyes burn.

They are his words.

The same words he has said to himself about every situation, about everything that has gone wrong. They are a burden he places on his own shoulders, a weight he forces himself to carry. And he can see that same weight bearing down on Miranda, pressing heavy on her heart and weighing on her mind. He can see the ache of it chewing her to pieces, tearing her apart.

Dom reaches out his other hand, cupping her hands in his own, and presses a kiss to her fingers. Miranda looks up at him with wide eyes rimmed in red and tears still clinging to her lashes. Dom smiles at her, feeling the scar on his cheek stretch.

“Miranda,” He says, his voice low, as soft and as gentle as she has spoken to him,

“It wasn’t your fault. You can’t predict how people will act. And…and if you keep wanting to blame yourself anyway…” He squeezes her hands, his heart pounding in his chest,

“I forgive you. And I love you.”

#i'm not super happy with the ending but i still like it okay #dominic #torture #angst #injury #blood #fan fiction

[springwritess]

Relationship Headcannons With Usopp, Luffy, Zoro and Sanji

This was originally supposed to be a best friend headcannon, but im thirsty whelp.

This headcannon will include Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, and Usopp. I’ll do Sabo, Ace and Law another day.

***

Monkey D Luffy:

Luffy is adventurous and a bit crazy. He’s also extremely loyal. It might take awhile to get used to his energy, but I’m sure after a few months of being together you’d be just as wild.

Luffy isn’t exactly someone who’s into kisses or anything inherently sexual. Kisses would most likely be on the cheeks. He’s a cutie though every time he kisses you. He’ll kiss you often. Just woke up? Kiss. Sitting next to him? Kiss. Walking by? Kiss.

Luffy is very tactile and affectionate however. He doesn’t really understand the concept of personal space, so he’ll get too clingy sometimes. He’ll cuddle with you in all sorts of positions. He’ll just want you to be around. He’ll want to feel you all the time - nothing sexual of course. He would bring you close and hold you tight. He wouldn’t be able to sleep without you unless he’s wrapped around his partner. He’d want to nap all the time with you.

Luffy is romantic without even trying. He’ll say sweet things that’ll end up leaving you flustered. “My heart beats fast whenever I’m with you! “I love your laugh! It makes me feel happy.” “Don’t worry, ill protect you.”

If you’re upset, he’d give you lots of hugs to try to comfort you when you’re upset. Sometimes it would be by joking with you. He would want you to get your mind of things. Luffy can have his serious moments though however. If he realizes you’re extremely upset, he’ll sit there with you as you explain what’s wrong. He’ll put his strawhat on you. His strawhat has a weird power. When he puts it on you, you’ll feel like everything is going to be okay.

Speaking of his hat, Luffy would trust it with you. He rarely trusts his hat with anyone. Aside from a few of the strawhats, he hasn’t let anyone else touch it. He wouldn’t mind if you wore it. He’d put it on your head. It’s his way of showing that he treasures you.

Whenever you guys go to a new island, you guys would explore and mess around. You guys went to Skypeia? You guys are going to jump on the clouds and laugh. He’d even convince you to explore Upper Yard, despite it being forbidden and where ‘god’ resides. Sabaody? You guys would be on top of the bubbles and float to the very top. Thriller Bark? You guys would explore the island to look for zombies. It’d be crazy, fun and exciting. Be ready to almost die while having Luffy as your partner.

You’d get used to his jokes and pranks, because he’s hilarious. Sometimes you would join in on it too. You two would sometimes prank Zoro or Usopp. Afterwards, you’d both get a scolding from Nami for being idiots.

Luffy can be an idiot sometimes. He’d be doing something stupid and fall into water. Be ready to jump in the water and have to save him! It most likely will get annoying after awhile. If you can’t swim, then get ready to drown with him.

Luffy would give you some of his meat. This will take awhile though however. Luffy rarely gives people his food. In fact, he takes it from others. When he does give you his food, this signifies how much he cares for you.

Luffy doesn’t care about how strong you are. He just would want you to be yourself. Strong? Weak? He doesn’t care! Be yourself. That’s all he would want. He wouldn’t ask you about your life story. It’s just not his style. If you opened up about your life, he’d be happy to listen. If you didn’t, that’s fine. He accepted you for the person you are today, not the person you were in the past.

Sanji Vinsmoke:

Sanji loves all women, but he’ll treat you differently. He’ll be deeply in love with you, from your looks to your smile to your little quirky habits. He’ll love it all. He’ll definitely accept you too. You’re his best friend and his lover. Sanji treasures your relationship together, and will take it very seriously

Expect to be showered with little presents and food all the time. You’re going to be his queen. He’ll make sure you have the most delicious and nutritious meals. He’ll find out what your favourite meals are, and cook it for you. Expect every meal to be amazing. He’ll give you’ll small presents - mostly trinkets and things he finds cute from different islands. He might pick some flowers or some pretty seashells for you too.

You won’t be able to spend every moment together however. Sanji has his responsibilities on the ship, and you have yours. He’ll mostly be in the kitchen preparing the next meal for the crew, or cleaning up. It’ll make his heart flutter when you watch him, or offer to clean up too. He’ll obviously decline, because just having you there is enough. When he does have time however, you guys would sit in the gallery of The Sunny and just talk about life.

It doesn’t matter to Sanji where your from, but he’ll definitely be curious. He’ll want to know every small detail about you. He’ll want to know which sea you came from, your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and your passions. He’ll want to know everything. He’ll be patient if your not comfortable. Sanji will not open up about his past however. It’s too painful for him to think about. You might hear stories about his times with Zeff though.

Sanji will want to protect you. He’ll make sure no harm comes your way during battles and such. If anyone were to hurt you - even if it was a small scratch there will be hell to pay.

He’ll be delicate with you too. He won’t touch you if you’re not comfortable with it though. He might stare at you sometimes, to just admire your beauty. His eyes may wander down to your cleavage, but he’ll try his best not to.

Sanji gets jealous pretty easily. He trusts you a lot, but he can’t stand the thought of men staring at you. He’ll often pick fights with Zoro, if you get too close with him. It’s something you’ll just have to put up with. Sometimes you’ll have to reassure him and tell him you only love him.

Sanji tries to stay calm if you two were to get in an argument. He has self-control, and will swallow his frustration and anger. He’ll work with you to solve the problem in a much more peaceful manner and try to see things half-way if possible.

Sanji is your rock. If something is wrong, he’s someone you can come to. He’s someone you can lean and cry on. If it takes you a while to open up about any problems, he’ll be patient and wait for you. He’ll give you the time you need. He might prepare you a cup of tea to de-stress and a nice warm meal too.

Sanji loves PDA, but it usually is only hand-holding. There might be hugs sometimes too. He loves feeling the warmth of your hand in his. He loves having you close to him too. Kisses would be short too, anything more and he’ll die of blood loss in public.

The more your relationship progresses, the amount of affection will increase. Hugs will become much longer and more meaningful. Kisses will be longer and more passionate too. Things might get steamy sometimes, but you can’t go too far without Sanji getting a nosebleed.

Usopp:

Usopp is a dorky, childish individual. He’s a coward sometimes, and hasn’t thought too much about women aside from Kaya. You however, mean the world to him. He loves you and will treasure your relationship.

You would listen to his stories (and lies) with eagerness. He would love seeing you engaged and playing along with him. You two would spend hours talking with each other on The Sunny

When you’re not talking, he’s mostly working on a new invention. You’d make stops to his workshop often to see how things are going. He likes having you there, and watching quietly behind him. Sometimes he’ll explain to you the invention you’re working on, and you’ll quietly listen.

Usopp would love to have a s/o who’s stronger than him, because he’s a coward. He likes having someone protect him. At the same time, he doesn’t want to feel useless or weak in front of them. You two would most likely fight side by side in battle, and back each other up. If you’re not able to fight, he’ll swallow down his cowardliness and try his best to protect you.

Similar to Luffy, Usopp can act like a child. He’ll pull pranks or tease you sometimes. You’d get used to his jokes and pranks, because he’s hilarious. Sometimes you would join in on it too. You two would sometimes prank Zoro or Luffy. Afterwards, you’d both get a scolding from Nami for being idiots.

Arguments can get heated. Usopp can’t always hold his temper, so when he’s upset he might take it out on you (similar to his fight with Luffy on Water7). He’ll always apologize, and try his best to make it up to you. You’ll have to be more patient with him.

Usopp is an artistic person too. He loves painting and drawing. When he’s not busy, he’ll often draw pictures of you. His sketchbooks are full of drawings of you on The Sunny or on various islands. He’s too embarrassed to show any of them to you, but he thinks your beautiful.

Usopp doesn’t mind PDA. It’s usually a short kiss and hugs. He’s not a fan of handholding because his hands get sweaty easily, so you two just stand close to each other. He can get embarrassed rather easily however, especially when the crew teases him. Most affection is behind closed doors. As your relationship progresses, kisses become longer and more passionate. He also hugs you more.

Roronora Zoro:

Zoro isn’t necessarily the most romantic type of guy. The only things that seem to interest him are his swords and sake. He isn’t interested in dating or marrying anyone. Don’t expect him to announce his undying love for you or any grand gestures, just appreciate the little things

He’s not interested in PDA, so don’t expect for your relationship to be public. It’ll most likely be private, with the exception of the crew knowing. He’ll most likely blush whenever you give him a kiss or hug in front of someone. Sanji will definitely tease him the hell outta it, which will result in a fight.

Zoro secretly loves them though. He likes when you hug him. He’ll never admit it of course. The more your relationship progresses, the more you guys will hug and show affection. It’s always private however. He refuses to kiss you in public settings. Kisses are usually short, very rarely do they become deep and passionate.

He loves to take naps with you, or just have you in his arms. He’ll make you stop whatever you’re doing to come and make nap with him. He loves your warmth, your smell, your soft skin and just your presence warms his heart

When it comes to strength, he would prefer it if you were strong. That way, he wouldn’t have to worry about them as much. However, he doesn’t mind if you’re not strong either. He’ll go out of his way to protect you no matter what.

Zoro is level-headed and can be a bit blunt sometimes. He’ll tell you like it is, which can lead to arguments sometimes. He’s someone you can go to if you need advice about certain matters. He also helps you get your shit together too.

When you guys reach a new island, you usually cling to him. The last thing you need is for him to get lost. This usually embarrasses him, but he secretly loves it when you’re close to him.

Zoro loves to drink, so expect gifts of booze. If you’re not much of a drinker, that might disappoint him a little but won’t bother him too much. If you love drinking, it might worry him if you get drunk. He doesn’t want to see you wander off or get hurt.

At the end of the day, all 4 of these men love you. You’re their best friend and their lover. You make them laugh and feel important. They love everything about you; your laugh, your quirks and your smile. They love spending every day with you.

#one piece #roronoa zoro #black leg sanji #sanji vinsmoke #zoro #one piece imagine #one piece oneshot #zoro x reader #sanji x reader #monkey d. luffy #mugiwara no luffy #luffy #luffy x reader #god usopp #usopp #usopp x reader #one piece headcanons #strawhats #mugiwara crew #luffy headcanons #sanji headcanons #zoro headcanons #usopp headcanons

[radiantmists]

rhythm of war part two thoughts

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  (spoilers through the second interludes under the cut, and at the very bottom some comments based on what i have to assume is a major spoiler for the entire book, or close to it, though i'm warning again beforehand.)

well, last things first: taravangian's working against odium! i'm super excited about this, and very happy about the support for the concept that Taravangian's compassion isn't his curse, it's just the division of his intelligence and compassion that's sthe problem.

so we've been able to talk to the sibling, who is mostly trying to help despite genuinely feeling that what navani is doing is wrong. except now they're locked away, and navani is under the direct scrutiny of rabaniel and messing around with her is going to be risky. that being said, we're on our way to some very interesting revelations about how investiture works on roshar:

the stormfather is purely of honor. the sibling is a mix of honor and cultivation. the nightwatcher is purely cultivation

the sibling should not be able to function on pure stormlight, because it's purely of honor.

lift may not run on stormlight at all-- we already knew she can't pull it from spheres.

adhesion, which is somehow a fake surge and purely of honor, is not totally cancelled by whatever rabaniel did to the sibling. from lift's interlude, neither is regrowth when she uses it, which if i had to pick is the surge i would choose to be purely of cultivation.

as far as we can tell, people can still draw in stormlight with no issue, they just cant use it to power surges.

windrunners, who bond honorspren, are less affected by the fabrial: this applies especially to kaladin and syl, and we know syl is different from other honorspren, older. my money is that she's in some way more fully of honor than the others. lift, who's been hugely modified by cultivation directly, is also immune. the edgedancers as a whole are not immune and apparently are reacting as badly as anyone else.

...syl notes in the last set of interludes that she's different from other honorspren, mentally. is this a byproduct of whatever she did to sneak out of shadesmar, or of her being older? interesting.

To me, this all implies that whatever rabaniel did interferes with how cultivation and honor interact. lift, who seemingly only uses cultivation's investiture, can power the surge that seems most directly associated with cultivation; kaladin, probably closest to honor, can do the surge that seems to be entirely honor. the regular edgedancers aren't immune at all because they run on stormlight; the windrunners are somewhat but not fully immune because they're almost fully of honor, but cultivation likely had some hand in the way honorspren were made after the shattering.

Regrowth really is a very odd surge, compared to the others, which seem to deal with much more fundamental physical forces.

the fused do have access to regrowth while powered by voidlight, though. interesting.

speaking of: did navani's weird sphere contain some kind of... cultivationlight? or maybe it's some kind of combination, and that's why the sphere exploded right around the time of rabiniel's experiments (or the sibling was drawing on it somehow?)

on a more immediate level, the current tower resistance is as follows: navani, under constant monitoring but she has the best chance to figure out how to fix this shit. kaladin, who's a mess, being hunted by the pursuer, and who's about to start getting suicide-baiting nightmares from odium, but he does know how to fight! lift, who's amazing and knows how to sneak around the tower but is being hunted by someone who i assume has to be mraize. and rlain, masquerading as a singer (im so worried about him i hope he's okay).

if this somehow ends with kaladin killing mraize to protect lift before he can give shallan answers, i'm going to fucking SCREAM.

speaking of frustrating things: lirin turn on ur location i just wanna talk. Kaladin was actually rebuilding himself until this whole invasion thing, and i don't understand how lirin can look at a man who's that committed to doing good, sees exactly what it is that drives him to kill, and then calls him a monster.

I loved Kaladin's efforts to deal with mental health care! He's in the unique position ofhaving way more political power than any medical professional, darkeyes, or mentally ill person could ever have hoped to have, and I really want to see him come back to this once the world is burning down a bit less again, especially because it genuinely seemed to be helping him.

navani's plots have sorta been subsumed into this whole plotline, but i enjoyed what we got-- the little episode with the other scholars taking bets on whether she'd use tomor's fabrial was adorable, and i also liked how clear it is that they look to her to make things work.

moving on, uh... shadesmar stuff.

adolin's making some progress at waking maya! she doesn't talk but she shows a clearly unusual ability to learn and make independent decisions. i love it.

...also the thing with notum's horse implies that ryshadium are sentient enough to imagine spren. that's fun, and also terrifying.

adolin offering to stand trial for the crimes of humanity is fascinating, but all i'm thinking about is the episode of avatar where he agrees to stand trial for kyoshi, except in this case we already know that humanity did actually do the thing he's in trouble for. it would be unjust to punish adolin for it, but... i worry.

especially because there are, apparently, new deadeyes. this isn't extraordinarily surprising as syl was two skips away from death (though, im curious, does it work differently if the spren's never been a blade prior to dying? or are there just deadeyes wandering around who aren't tied to blades?) but it is very alarming.

and then there's the other thing: pattern is lying to shallan. i frankly don't think it's as simple as him being a spy for the ghostbloods; we saw even here that he's a terrible liar, and to have concealed this he'd have to have been pretty impressive.

on the other hand there was clearly some shit going on between shallan, her family, and the ghostbloods when she first got pattern. he's admitted that he has more exposure to humans than most spren. it doesn't look great, honestly.

i also appreciate that brandon is acknowledging how fucking weird shallan's timeline is. hopefully we get some answers about this.

adolin and shallan's relationship continues to be adorable; the sequence with the starspren is lovely and i totally get why it's brandon's favorite chapter in this part. between this and part one, he clearly enjoyed how the shadolin came out in this book and i agree. the fact that his romances continue after the marriage, with issues beyond just jealousy, is one of my favorite things about sanderson books.

venli's whole set of pov's this part was about walking up to urithiru. i really do want to like her, but she spends a ton of time just following more dynamic characters around and observing in these first two parts, and if not for the juicy secrets rabaniel's been dropping, it would make me just want to get back to other characters. hopefully that'll change in the next few parts.

i was going to make a comment about how we havent even had flashbacks yet, but i just glanced at the POVs for the next part, so I guess those are coming. I do wonder if these eshonai flashbacks will be info venli knows, or what.

she did kill someone for the first time, and attuned the rhythm of the lost for the dead man. the whole incident disturbs her, and i appreciated that as the rest of our viewpoint characters are extremely accustomed to death. i'm interested in seeing how this affects her going forward.

the epigraphs are so exciting! sazed is writing to hoid again, but this time he's gotten his bearings and spoken to some new shards... ones we haven't heard from before! also he asks hoid to say hi when he's on scadrial, which, fair enough tbh. i dont remember whether hoid shows up much in mistborn era 2 but for some reason i have the feeling he is not going to oblige this request.

the epigraph where sazed mentions he wants someone who can both preserve and kill immediately made me think of kaladin. (i think this is what he ends up trying to do with wax, but shhhh) he and sazed would agree on a lot of things philosophically, i think. (omg au where kaladin ends up working for sazed?? i have no idea how this would work the idea just fascinates me.

...where are the heralds? did dalinar take them with him, or are they in the tower? if the latter, are they also passed out? probably not, since they're not radiants, right? although whatever they are is very investiture-dependent so who knows. vasher's probably alright.

why is odium afraid of nightblood? is he worried it could eat him?

lots of POVs for the next part, but no shadesmar crew, so i guess we'll find out whether adolin gets executed by honorspren later. i do wonder why so many pov's from the battlefront; i guess something more is going to happen along those lines than i'd really expected. crossed fingers for some actual insight into renarin, finally.

in light of said spoiler: holy god i hope that division (between taravangian's intelligence and compassion) doesn't continue, though I have the horrible feeling that it will. This puts sazed's discussion of the intent of a shard combined with the cleverness of its vessel into a terrifying light: a godlike being who is at his smartest when he's a complete sociopath is like, the worst case scenario,  not even taking into account that the odium shard is uniquely suited to make people act on impulses. this is so bad.

but i can't know the full extent of that until i read the context, so let's move on!

#row liveblog #row spoilers #holy shit

[skyfallensoldier]

Mobile Navigation || Rules & Mun ↓

DISCLAIMER: I just want to note here at the beginning that while I am considering this RP blog to be historically based, i.e. remaining true to the time period and overall details of John Laurens' biographical information and whatnot, I do not consider myself a historically accurate blog, not entirely. Historical fiction is a well known genre of literature and many, MANY creative liberties are taken within that genre. Think of this blog like you would if you saw an Anastasia Romanov blog. She's dead, we know she didn't survive, and she's been dead a long-ass time; so has Laurens. People still have included her in many works of fiction, even after her body was identified and it was proven she did not survive her family's massacre. I saw a romance book a couple of months ago where she survived that was recently published. Historical fiction, while a controversial thing at times, is a legitimate form of literature.

You don't have to tell me if you think John isn't acting exactly like the real man himself would have, I know that. I'm not going to call John my 'perfect sunshine boy cinnamon roll' or dismiss the privilege he was raised on due to his father, I'm aware he was a real person who had his own personality, virtues and prejudices. I won't deny that while he was certainly a progressive thinking man for the time he grew up in he definitely still had racist thoughts and actions that were indicative of his upbringing. But I'm not on here to debate modern, real life politics, or get into arguments about whether he was a good abolitionist or not. At the end of the day, this is still a hobby for me, and I'm writing for fun.

Basically, don't take it too seriously. I'm a 21st century bisexual woman writing from the POV of an 18th century (likely gay) male soldier, the way I write him is obviously not going to be a perfect representation of who he was. I know he wasn't an amazing, perfect person, but I've still chosen to write a fictionalized version of him for my own entertainment. Please try to respect that; thank you.

Mun Stuff

Name: Luna Gender: Female (She/Her or They/Them) D.o.B: July 23rd, 1996 Age: 24 Nationality: Canadian Sexuality: Bisexual Timezone: Eastern Time (US & Canada) Activity: Daily BIOGRAPHY (SORT OF)

Hello, there! You can call me Luna! I've been interested in writing ever since I first got the internet when I was 14 and discovered FanFiction.Net and now I'm an aspiring author and Roleplay enthusiast. If you include acting/talking out DnD like games with friends then I've been 'roleplaying' since the fifth grade, but I like to think there's always room for improvement. If you ever want to chat I'd love to make a new friend or plot out a roleplay, so don't be afraid to shoot me an ask or send me a private message. Just because my muse can be a jackass doesn't mean I am! I’m a huge advocate for mental health, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t ever hesitate to reach out! Some of my hobbies including literature and writing (of course), digging into mythology from various cultures, practicing solitary eclectic paganism/new age spirituality, drinking tea, and collecting crystals/minerals.

Please note that for the sake of disclosure, I am considered ‘Neurodivergent’, in that I suffer from ADHD, diagnosed at about age six, and have Anxiety and Depression which are directly tied to it. This doesn’t often effect my life on here, but I sometimes have an unpredictable sleep schedule (stay up all night, sleep in late into the morning, etc). I’m usually quick to reply to threads for the most part! I work every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 7pm in addition to odd jobs here and there, during which time I won’t have access to the Internet. The rest of the week I’m on and off all day basically, so you can feel free to contact me any time.

RP Style

⭐️ Please use basic spelling/grammar/punctuation when you RP with me. I'm not a drill sergeant about these kinds of things, I know that typos happen, and if you have a vision problem or such we can absolutely find a way to work around that, I also have no problem roleplaying with people whose first language is not English, so that's totally fine and I’m happy to accomodate in whatever way I can, but it does make it a little difficult to play with you if I don't know what you're trying to say. For this reason I prefer if you not use any text shorthand (lol, idk, brb, jk, etc) unless our muses are messaging each other. Using it in the tags is fine.

⭐️ I roleplay Laurens in a past-tense 3rd Person Point of View (think story-telling format), and generally I don't use icons or text formatting unless I notice my partner does, then I will try to match their style (for example if you use icons and small-text, I will try to do the same, though because formatting isn't possible on mobile, any mobile replies might take longer to be posted than if I were on my laptop). If you have any issues with how I'm writing or need me to adjust my style for any reason don't be afraid to ask.

Contact

⭐️ If you spam me with messages over and over again about something I haven't replied to, chances are I'll drop the thread. I don't mind being reminded because I know Tumblr's notifications are notoriously unreliable sometimes, and humans can forget/lose things, but if you keep poking at me after I've acknowledged you the first and second time, I won't be pleased. Things can get busy on here, or in real life, or sometimes you're just lacking muse for that particular thread, y'know? It doesn't mean I hate you and don't want to RP, I'm almost always up for plotting, but muse tends to fluctuate.

⭐️ My ‘Discord’ is available to mutuals upon request. I don't mind roleplaying on there if Tumblr is being glitchy or you're just not feeling up to formatted/heavily plotted threads, sometimes Discord is fun in that you can do immediate replies without needing the effort of putting icons and formatting into it. I also have a Kik but I never use it. I don't RP in Tumblr's IMs, that's purely for OOC interaction.

⭐️ I also occasionally stream movies/TV shows in group chats or play “in character” Cards Against Humanity game nights, Among Us, etc. If you’re interested, lemme know, I’m always looking for more people to hang out with!

Important

I have no actual triggers that I'm aware of, although snakes do creep me out (mostly shots of them coiled up or images of their pupils), but there are some things I will not roleplay personally for comfort reasons:

⭐️ Cannibalism. You can mention it, for example I won't freak out if someone tells my muse that somebody else ate a person (he might, assuming its not a Supernatural type verse), but I won't RP him engaging in cannibalism, not even in AUs (blood-drinking vampires are fine). I'm just not sure I could stomach writing about eating people. I managed to watch Hannibal, barely, but writing about it? Nah. I can handle lots of horror, gore and disturbing content but not this. Sorry.

⭐ Incest/Pedophilia. I do not SEXUALLY ship with characters under the age of 18. John is not attracted to children, and would never consider sleeping with someone much younger than him.

⭐ I will not write anything sexual with muns who are under 18 years old, even if your muse is an adult. I'll still ROLEPLAY with you if you are under 18 but probably no younger than 16 just because things tend to get explicit on my blogs and I don't want to be accused of corrupting the youth with my foul language and weird opinions, lol. Seriously though, this blog covers a lot of dark subjects and while I’m all for minors exploring that safely through writing rather than in real life, some people aren’t comfortable with interacting with under age people for legal or personal reasons, please respect that.

⭐ Necrophilia. Just... no. Vampire threads don't count, as they're undead and not 'dead dead'.

⭐ Rape. I won't write it with you. I'm okay with mentions of rape, with rape/sexual assault survivor/recovery plots, and even with one character intervening to rescue another from an attempted sexual assault (if an attempted assault does occur, it will be thoroughly tagged and under a cut). I'm fully open to discussing rape recovery/trauma plots as those are things that happen in real life, and it can be interesting to explore how a character reacts to trauma. But anything else is a no-go, sorry!

⭐ Please be aware that I write Laurens as a gay man. However! Because of the time period, violent homophobia and social stigma, he has slept with women before and may be seen flirting with or referencing relationships with women in the past. He is still gay, and still uninterested in being with women long term, he's simply closeted to all but a few individuals. So, unless your muse is Martha Manning (who Laurens DOES love in a manner, and he always will), shipping with female characters on here most likely isn't going to happen unless it's heavily plotted/developed and part of an overall plot, and you understand that it will not be a conventional sexual relationship. I'm sorry if that disappoints you but I've read Laurens as a gay male for so long I have trouble seeing him any other way.

⭐ I will not roleplay slavery plots. This is not up for debate. Roleplaying a highly fictionalized version of a long dead real person who existed during a troubling time is one thing, but I draw the line at that. For this reason, while I'll happily play with non-white muses, muses using non white faceclaims, and crossovers with characters of all sorts, I'll have to decline playing with any muse claiming to actually be writing slavery. There’s a difference between, say, roleplaying a character like Daenerys, a fictional character who was technically a slave-bride sold by her brother, and writing actual slavery from a very real, horrible time period. Slave ownership will of course be mentioned on this blog, that's unavoidable, but just like the mention of rape may happen on this blog from time to time, it will be in reference to a past event or speaking about the subject in general, not roleplaying a scene of it. Please respect this rule, I was hesitant to make this blog at first, because I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I won't glorify such a horrible real thing that happened to so many people.

Exclusives/Mains

Just a head's up, unless I develop a bunch of chemistry with a particular portrayal of a muse I'm not likely to agree to being exclusives with anyone, unless perhaps it's a very niche or divergent character that has formed a good relationship of some sort with John and I'd have trouble interacting with other versions of that muse. For major characters I just feel it would be unfair to say no to someone who I click with in every other way, solely because I have already befriended someone else writing that character.

I will, however, discuss becoming mains with someone whom I've either developed or plotted out detailed storylines/interactions with regarding our specific portrayals of our characters. This means that I tend to reply to them quickly when I'm online, or may make little gifts (moodboards, aesthetic things, mini ficlets, whatever) for them unprompted, have a verse dedicated just to them, etc. Even if it seems like we haven't done much on Tumblr, there may be a lot of off-site development on Discord or whatnot that led to us plotting out intricate stories for our muses.

Current Mains:

Alexander Hamilton - @quillborn​

DO

⭐️ Send private messages.

⭐️ Send my character asks/starters/memes.

⭐️ Tag me in things.

⭐️ Ask to plot or ship.

⭐️ Ask for angst, fluff, etc.

⭐️ Submit things to me & my muse.

⭐️ Do crack and other ridiculous things with me!

⭐️ Like my RP threads.

⭐️ Like my personal posts.

⭐️ Comment on my personal/OOC posts (if you want to).

⭐️ Comment on my crack threads.

⭐️ Instant Message (IM) me if you'd like to talk, whether we're friends already or not!

DON'T

⭐️ Send hateful messages to me about other people and especially my mutuals; doesn't count if it's about the muse and not the person playing them, however. Also, if I’ve got beef with someone for whatever reason, don’t harass them/send hate to them on my behalf, please. I don’t condone anonymous abuse, attacking others, or harassment. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself, I promise.

⭐️ Introduce yourself with ‘wanna ship?’ For one, I prefer if we’ve at least started a roleplay together, or have spoken OOC. Auto shipping doesn’t always work out and I hate promising people something only to realize there’s zero chemistry, because then I feel like I’m letting them down.

⭐️ Come into my inbox with just ‘wanna rp?’ and that’s it. Please at least have some idea of what you want to roleplay, it’s not very fun when someone approaches you to RP but then doesn’t offer up any suggestions at all. Remember, you are always free to send me memes, whether we’re mutuals or not, and hit me up for whatever plot you think might interest me! I want to hear about it!

⭐️ Spam me with "reminder" messages if I've already acknowledged you the first few times.

⭐️ Reblog my RP threads if you're not a participant in them.

⭐️ Send me anonymous OOC hate. Hate for Laurens is fine, it's just another form of roleplay.

⭐️ Kill off my character or severely injure/maim my character without permission or having plotted something involving that with me first.

⭐️ Follow me if you're a porn blog. I don't mind blogs that post NSFW content, or smut a lot, etc. I mean blogs that aren't for RP and are literally just a normal looking blog until you click on it and the header and first twenty posts are hardcore nudity and porn. I hate those things.

⭐️ Shame my ships.

⭐️ Complain about my tagging. I put my smut under a 'read more' without exception and tag them as "NSFW //" with two dashes. Things that are not necessarily graphic but still have sexual undertones go under "Suggestive //". I use these tags to avoid attracting attention from porn blogs and porn bots that track certain key words, as such I do not tag my content with "Smut" or trigger words such as "dick, oral, anal, nudity, etc", please block my NSFW and Suggestive tags if you're uncomfortable. Triggery subjects (mentions of rape, animal abuse, torture, mental illness) will be tagged under the name of said trigger with a space and two dashes, example: "Self Harm //", “Suicidal Ideation //” or "PTSD //".

⭐️ Godmod my character. If you’re not sure what is/isn’t okay, come talk to me! I don’t bite! If you’re looking for an example of god mod behavior, here: “X lunged at Laurens, taking him by surprise, and hit him square in the nose, causing blood to spurt.” It might not seem like a big deal but it means that you decided how your character’s actions affected my muse, and not only that, didn’t give him a chance to dodge or anything. Not cool.

⭐️ Ship with me without permission (sending in shippy asks is A-Ok if you're interested in exploring a ship between our muses, I'm talking about things like claiming that our muses are in a relationship without discussing it with me, referencing dates or sexual acts that never happened, etc. I ship mainly with chemistry otherwise things get boring fast.

⭐️ Assume/act like our characters know each other/are closely connected (friends/family/lovers) if we've never discussed it unless it is established in canon/history. This especially goes for original characters. I'm open to Laurens forming deep relationships with OCs obviously, but those have to be developed in character, not just assumed from the first interaction.

⭐️ Attempt to roleplay with me if you are not a roleplay blog/or if you're just trying to RP as "yourself." I don't do Character X Reader imagines stuff. I don't RP with 'fan' accounts, only RP blogs. You can still send asks so long as you're not trying to initiate an RP scenario. For example, asking Laurens what his hobbies are, asking for a blessing etc? That's fine. Spamming me with different actions "you" are talking to Laurens is weird. Stop that. I will also not RP with blogs that claim to roleplay as real life people, such as Markiplier, that's super creepy. This does NOT apply to "historical fiction" roleplay (obviously since that's what this blog is), which is considered its own genre of literature. I'm talking about the above where people will 'roleplay' as real life, currently alive people like YouTube celebrities and ship them with their friends, even if they've made it clear that they're uncomfortable with it. 

⭐️ Get angry at me for doing something you don't like if you don't even have a rules page for me to go by. It's not fair; you can't expect your partners to just read your mind and magically know how you feel. If something bothers you let me know, I’ll make a note about it so I avoid it during our interactions!

⭐️ Use me as a meme resource blog without ever interacting with me. I don't require "reblog karma" for you to follow me, partners are more than welcome to reblog from me, but if we never interact and I just occasionally see you reblog fifteen posts from my meme tag and then disappear again I'm not gonna be happy. Go to the source or to an archived blog no longer getting notifications, please!

⭐️ Reblog my Meta/Headcanons. If they're from a different blog it's fine but the ones I've personally written are for MY portrayal of Laurens. I work hard on most of my stuff and I'd prefer if you didn't reblog it, not because you aren't allowed to have the same headcanon ideas as me, but because then it ends up getting liked or reblogged by lots of other people, spamming my notifications, etc.

OCs & Multimuses

I love OCs and multi-muse blogs (I have my own multimuse sideblog over at @historyremembers, which has other 18th century characters including the Hamilton children and some OCs), so feel free to interact! That being said, please have an about page of some sort on your blog. I can't follow back blogs that have absolutely no information available regarding their character(s). I don't RP with OC children of Laurens. This is nothing personal, but I'm fairly certain he was gay in real life and prefer to play him that way, and he only had one child - who he never even got to meet - in real life, so it just wouldn't make sense to me for him to have other kids running around unless he'd adopted some. If you're a multimuse, I may not follow you back if I'm only familiar with two of your muses if you have a blog of fifteen characters, simply because I'd prefer to keep my dash clean and only have characters/fandoms I'm familiar with on it. I'll still RP with you if you have a character I'm interested in! I just might not follow back if the majority of your characters I do not know, I apologize for this.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, congrats! I know it couldn’t be easy (my ADHD brain was frustrated trying to just write all this up) but it’s necessary so there’s not misunderstandings on what I am/am not willing to RP. I won’t ask for a password since I trust most people to have the courtesy to at least skim the rules of those they want to RP with. 

Have a nice day!

#Everybody Listen Up! {PSA} #Out Of The Field {OOC} #Long Post //