#very fucking cool birds. how do they do it. teach me ur ways

[daughterofsarenrae]

European starling just imitated a bald eagle, red tailed hawk, yellow-rumped warbler, black-capped chickadee, cedar waxwing, killdeer, and black-billed magpie right in front of me in the span of a minute

#very fucking cool birds. how do they do it. teach me ur ways #did get jumpscared by hearing eagle alarm calls while being in the eagles' mew. i was like holy shit is there a wild eagle right outside? #but it was a very quiet eagle and my eagles didnt give a shit and then it switched to a red tailed scream and i was like. STARLING. #bel speaks

[sazlew]

The Sex Thing.

(if ur reading this anyone i know fuck off fuck off) 

I am not as horny as my friends seem to think I am.

Or as bad at decision making as I know they’re worried about.

Okaayyy as usual if you know me fuck off this isn’t for u. I don’t even know if you wanna read this if you do know me, that’s what it’s gonna be like. 

I get their concern, I love that they worry about me, but genuinely - I’m fine. I’m cool. I just like to get with guys - and that’s not a thing to shame me for!

Okay so some background.

I went to an all girls school for high school (Welly Girls, like most of my mates), and it wasn’t super restrictive or anything but it was still very girls. And I get if you’re into that or whatnot but I’m not and never have been. I’ve got lots of queer mates who I love but it’s just not for me.

So I went to this girls school - barely had anything to do with boys AT ALL when I was there. Cause i was a nerd. Like most of my friends, i mean i work at a movie theatre now, it’s not like I was ever cool enough to work in retail or in something else - i know loads about movies and studied comms at uni, I was never ever ever going to be someone cool - but yeah we were all nerds.

Making jokes, liking youtubers, playing video games - nerds. And we got bullied a lot for that! I didn’t want to change anything, but we did get suuuuuper bullied for that. Like, all the time. Girls can be bitchy as when they wanna be and some of the girls at that school were just… ew. Mean for the sake of being mean.

But whatever. I’m rambling. 

I learned what sex was through really bad sex ed classes. And the internet. Obviously the internet. The internet’s full of filthiness and I’m super into the internet, so it makes sense that I would have learned about bodies and stuff from there. These kids these days, they don’t know how good they have it - they’re not being sent links in msm chatrooms that lead to godawful porn.

Or maybe they are. Omegle and Chatroulette are some freaky shit, idk what it must be like growing up as a teen girl these days. Idk if it is very healthy. I’m scared of those places like Music’ly (?) and others - they’re way too young for me.

Ok rambling again.

Sex. We had sex ed, with this dude teacher as a part of health class. I reckon he felt it was as cringy as we did cause it was suuuuuper awkward. I know in one of the classes he put on a Shane Dawson video (big yikes!) to teach us about the birds and the bees and wow that was probably not a great idea considering what that guy’s up to now.

But yeah it was awkward. A lot of details on the technicals, nothing about anything that matters. Like what 10000 different STDs were (even the ones that are super hard to get) and contraception.

Like i know that stuff matters - obviously it does - but there’s definitely other things you gotta talk about! Like consent and when a relationship is healthy (me and my mates definitely got into some of those bad ones when we were at uni), lots of stuff that was missing when we were at school.

Idk if it is better now. I really hope it’s more in depth and the teachers are cool and not just some awkward teacher who also teaches science. That’s just bad planning.

But yeah. I went to uni. Had never ever kissed a guy (big nerd remember)?

And then I got into drinking.

And parties.

Genuinely didnt think that would be me ay but it so turned out to be! I just like parties. I like being around people, feeling people around me, chatting and dancing and feeling a bit light in the head. It’s hard to think when you’re drunk and I know that sounds bad but it’s not a problem or anything, it’s just a little relief.  

Parties. Lots of parties. I basically went to every single uni one I was asked to which was great. I made loads of friends and had a great time at pretty much every one (not every single one but most of them and that’s fine, life is like that.)

So I was at these parties. And in my second year, I was at this party with a bunch of law students right. You’d think they’re boring but they realy know how to party (probs cause their parents are all rich lol). 

And there was this guy there. He was doing his postgrad, and just like wildly hot. Not like traditionally hot I don’t reckon but he was intense. Really focussed, I think, and we got drunk together and well.

Then it happened. I don’t even remember his name - or maybe he didn’t even say it. And it was…fine? Like it wasn’t great. It was like I’d spent forever hyping up this thing that really just turned out to be a bit uncomfy and kinda average.

And then the next day when I woke up I saw I had hickies in the mirror and I fuckin cried about it, ay. Just burst into tears.

Don’t even really know why. It was dumb.

Never saw the guy again and I can’t even look him up to see what he’s doing now.

Also the cunt gave me a UTI so.

Anyway later later later on. Like guys occasionally come up to me but I’m not that hot compared to others, and I’m just a bit hesitant to take things further - cause I love people, I love being around people, and I love… wow this will sound weird as fuck - but I love touching people? Like my day can get so muc better if I get a good hug from a friend or I doze off while watching a movie and fall asleep on someone’s shoulder or even pashing - like i love love love a bit of fondling and whatnot - that shit gets me going more than sex itself!

But yeah. That stuff was happening and it was good and I liked it a lot - and then, well, Liam. 

See my previous post for details on that [A link to Saz’s previous post about Liam].

And Liam introduced me to a bunch of things that I didn’t even realise I was into. (Ok I’m kinda lying about that, I did see Fifty Shades and feel things - not for Christian, ew he’s a dick, but the situations? The give and release?

Turns out that I like controlling people a bit. Not like in a bad way. In a consensual way. There’s something so exciting about having the power in a moment and the other person wanting you to have that power?

There’s nothing like it in the world I don’t think. 

So.

Yeah. That’s my sex life sorted. Maybe I do look for certain guys but tbhhhhh there’s really no point in getting with someone if they’re not going to be into what i’m into. And youd better not shame me for that. 

I’m just exploring. I don’t think that’s an issue ay but some people make it out to be.

And all i gotta say about that is that if you spent your life hating how you looked as much as i did, you might see something like this as a kind of liberation. 

Look. you do you, and i’ll do me. Right now, i’m having a good time and that’s what matters.

#me #intimacy

[muwur]

Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 🥺 btw your writing is vv tasty n I can’t wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!

haikyuu daddee headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.4k words

a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM 💞 that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request! 

also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA

current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna

requests: open!

iwaizumi

✧ prePARED daddy

✧ picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so he’s ready to face any situation

✧ teaches his kids how to behave n respect others

✧ also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense

✧ be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail

✧ honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l

✧ mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS 🥺

✧ always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice

✧ and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--

✧ however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--

✧ but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a “shittykawa” and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now it’s ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)

✧ gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection

✧ PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal

✧ attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up

✧ def lets his kids sleep with him when they’re having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)

✧ when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby

✧ when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people

✧ you: “iwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, though”

✧ iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* “you can’t trust everyone, of course they seem ‘nice,’ they just want our approval”

✧ definitely did not interrupt his child’s potential first kiss at their house’s doorstep by slamMINg the door open “sUDDENLY” cuz he “hEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them In”

✧ effectively traumatized both kids

✧ tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)

✧ doesn’t stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho

✧ overall a super supportive dad, 11/10

ushijima

✧ ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first

✧ stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper

✧ also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding

✧ was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it

✧ once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it

✧ after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between “how to volleyball” and “how to dad”

✧ catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kids’ favorite smiley face pancakes 😤😤

✧ has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately

✧ carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)

✧ if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man

✧ always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in

✧ man smiles so soft™ when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kid’s name in the program next to their role as “townsperson b” (next year, they upgraded to “singing carrot” in a play about the food pyramid)

✧ if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know

✧ but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesn’t push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do

✧ had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl

✧ couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like “so our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seeds” (you: 👁️👄👁️ “come again”)

✧ you: *at the grocery store with your child*

✧ child: *hands you watermelon* “I want a little brother!”

✧ you: “haha of course honey” 👁️👄👁️ what do i do (*later to ushijima* “duhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurof” ; ushi: “wat” ; you: “itS YOUR FAULT”)

✧ yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth

✧ another great daddee, we stan

atsumu

✧ knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right

✧ think again

✧ g o o d b y e  s l e e p

✧ develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak “aha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOW” whenever his teammates ask if he’s oKAY

✧ tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say “eughh yuMM”

✧ loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)

✧ rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when he’s exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: “how--”)

✧ calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (”dad why cant you make stuff as yummy as this”)

✧ very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead

✧ plays with them a lot! whether it’s sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT

✧ also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL

✧ so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time

✧ is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they don’t do it in front of their teachers LMAO

✧ plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using ‘inappropriate language’ and is like “whaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--”

✧ reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time

✧ wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kid’s just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro

✧ also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)

✧ always playfully competing with you to see who’s the “better” parent (you win by default)

✧ PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids

✧ takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres  😤 absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them  

#haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi x reader #ushijima x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x you #haikyuu daddies #LOL #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi haijime x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #atsumu miya #ratsumu #atsumu miya x reader #haikyuu reader insert #requests

[s1utspeare]

Get To Know Me!

@foxofninetales tagged me in this ask game and since I LOVE HER i will now be doing it (i mean i’d do it anyway but now it will be filled with love for FOX i am not accepting CRITICISM ON THIS POINT)

Part I

name: Brigid! I’m named after the Irish goddess of like, poetry, healing, smithcraft, and protection, or the Irish saint (they’re both pretty similar it’s just whether or not you’re talking about Celtic religion or Catholicism). She’s very cool, and I think it’s a very fitting name for who I turned out to be!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i’m an insufferable theatre kid of course I’m a Leo

height: 5'8″ babeeeyyy (172 cm). I’m not short like, at all, but all of my family members are over six foot, so I’m like. tiny in comparison. they all make fun of me all the time for it :(

time: 8:49pm! A delightful time of evening!!! 

birthday: July 31st, same day as Harry Potter lol.

nationality: american :P

fave bands/groups/solo artists: hnnnngggghhhh why would u ask me this I don’t KNOW jk i just have a lot uhhhhh all time faves would be Bastille and Mumford and Sons, but I’m SUPER into kpop right now, so my top groups are BTS, Stray Kids, and One OK Rock (who are technically jpop but I really like their stuff). I also am a Broadway BITCH (hello, theatre kid) so before this year all of my Spotify library was basically just show tunes. 

song stuck in your head: Get Away by VeriVery. I think they’re a pretty new group? idk i saw them on one of those tumblr promotional things and checked out the music video which is like??? really interesting conceptually? so I’ve just been listening to the song for a while lol. 

last movie you watched: Train to Busan! I’m gearing up to write a dmbj zombie apocalypse AU and so I was like “this is a popular zombie film! I’ll watch it for inspiration! :)” holy shit. holy shit i was so wrong. It’s one of the most viscerally affecting films I think I’ve ever seen, I was like. On the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time but in like the best possible way?? it’s a mastery of character introduction and action/horror and I cried for like the last ten minutes straight. SO affecting. I do NOT RECOMMEND IT if u are already made anxious by zombie apocalypse scenarios, blood, violence, and a Lot of Death. 

last show you binged: hmmm uh like I’m currently watching Mystic Nine but at like a normal pace, so the last show I probably binge watched was maybeeee The Uncanny Counter on Netflix? HIGHLY recommend that one, I made @cross-d-a watch it and I’m living for her liveblog reactions lmao. Idk most of my free time has been spent writing the past few months which. After months of only having the energy to watch shows is kind of really invigorating? the things u can do when u fix ur health I’ll tell you what

when you created your blog: in 2012 asldighalsdkfjladskjga i came on here to like burdge’s pjo fanart :)

the last thing you googled: "is it bad not to have an air cap on your tire” ALSDIGHALKDFJLADFJA FUCK ME (i learned that it’s not necessarily bad but it can get dirt and stuff built up in there so I went to the store after work today and replaced it)

other blogs: everything is here bc i am too lazy to create a sideblog! so sorry to everyone who does not follow me for cdrama content bc this is all I am now. 

why i chose my url: cause it’s my ao3 username and i wanted people to be able to find me more easily on tumblr! :) the long answer is because i love shakespeare and also i think that slut is a really funny word and concept for me especially because i am one of the most sexless people u will ever meet in ur life so slutspeare is like. an aggressively ace joke that only I think is funny. 

how many people are you following: 588

how many followers do you have: ah just over 200?!??!!? which is like. a lot for me. I think it was like 75 up until like last year omg 

average hours of sleep: my sleep app says I average around eight! which is very good for me! I do have to get enough sleep consistently or I will Have A Bad Time so my sleep schedule is pretty good and luckily I don’t have the Insomnia depression I have the Sleep Lots one which I am glad for bc idk what I’d do if I couldn’t Be Unconscious regularly. Die probably. 

lucky numbers: I don’t think I have lucky numbers?? my favorite number is 21 for no reason other than the vibes alone. 

instruments: i’ve played the piano for uhhhh.... eighteen years now? and I can play the ukulele and am surprisingly good with the recorder since I’ve had to play it in Multiple Theatre Performances. I was also an honor choir singer back in high school so I’ve done a lot of select ensemble stuff which was super fun! 

what i'm currently wearing: a Life Is Good long-sleeved t-shirt that says “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” that I got in a military surplus store like a million years ago and red Adidas athletic shorts that I found at the thrift store a couple weeks back

dream job: playwright! I just wanna be a playwright! playwriting is like drugs i literally go nuts for it

dream trip: I don’t know??? I don’t really like traveling tbh aslidhalkfdj umm I do want to see the grand canyon sometime before I die tho so maybe a road trip down there? I definitely like traveling solo so I’d probably just hang out with myself and drive and go to whatever places I want and see dumb tourist attractions and sing loudly in the car

fave food: CURRY i know i said eggs the last time it asked me this but I miss my local Indian restaurant I want to eat literal Platefuls of tikka masala at 12pm at the Indian buffet after my physics class again :(

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: hmmm i don’t know, actually! probably one where I have Powers and could do Cool Hand Motions and make Lights Appear. If I were anywhere with like. An Actual World-Dooming problem tho I would not be helpful at all. I would just die. Besides, I already live in fictional universes half the time, I’m a writer! 

Part II

last song: Basquiat by Pentagon! The music video is like. Very whumpy. So if you’re into that... the song’s also a bop

last stream: i don't watch streams very often, I just watch clips from them, cause those usually just give the best parts lol 

currently reading: mmmmmbbbaaaaahhhhh literally nothing? I’m trying to get caught up on the backlog of dmbj fic I haven’t gotten around to so Binding by @vishcount is next on that list! oh I guess I’m also reading Johnny Tremain with my kids (one of them SPOILED THE END and I forgot how it ended and now I’m big sad). 

currently watching: Mystic Niiiiinnnneeeeee! love those gay history bitches. everyone in that show is so funny. I just finished the Fuba Side Plot tho and now we’re back to Politics so i’m like >:( someone give zhang baby rishan a hug (and then i write angst about him what is wrong with me)

what is antipoetry to you: antipoetry??? what the heck is antipoetry hold on... uhhhh that’s just poetry. who came up with this term. i guess like lyrical fiction would be the technical correct definition but idk I consider anything to be poetry! like that’s the whole point! poetry is poetry is poetry as long as it’s focused on intensity and emotions it’s poetry! a haiku? poetry. the random one-lined mess of words on my phone? poetry. a literal drawing of a cardinal with the word “bird” written next to it? poetry. idk I’ve been trying to teach my kids that there are no wrong ways to write creatively; if you’re expressing yourself and making emotions, then you’re writing! also like half of my work could be considered antipoetry lmao. I love emotionally supercharging the mundane.

currently craving: i have noooo ideaaaasssss i’m literally just vibing. uh. water? ok i took care of that one my water bottle was right next to me. 

AH IF YOU READ THIS MUCH THANK YOU???? i love u 

uhhhh no pressure tags for @xia-xueyi, @nope4ever, @bookjoyworm, @elletromil, and @gaiahenshin, as well as anyone else who would like to give the full-rundown on themselves! :D

#ask tag #about me #Brigid's Fox #asldighalsdkfj i thought cross' tag was very funny so i've decided that's my foxofninetales tag from now on #because i love her

[kaesaaurelia]

she takes a forced toll

For @whumptober2019 day 27: ransom.

Continuation of day 18 (muffled scream) and day 21 (laced drink)

Content warning for anthropophagy (eating people)

Aziraphale vs Grendel’s mother (who is a demon OC); A/C undertones but Crowley’s unconscious for this so.

"What did you do to Crowley?" he shouted, drawing his knife and springing at Nisroc. It wasn't a very large knife, but it was what he had on him, and Crowley was slumped over the table as if he was dead, and Nisroc -- she only laughed. "What was in that ale?"

"Nothing you didn't have in yours, Aziraphale, only I forgot I taught you that neat little trick you can do with your liver to sober up fast back in Ur, didn't I? But you didn't teach your little friend over there."

Aziraphale felt ill now, although it was because of guilt, not poison. He had indeed kept a miracle running to stay sober as he drank with Nisroc, since Crowley'd been so suspicious of her from the start. He'd assumed Crowley could do the same thing, but apparently it hadn't occurred to him.

Nisroc waved a hand and Crowley was bound neatly. She looked up at him with smug delight. "What will you give me for him?"

"What?" Aziraphale asked. "What makes you think I'd give you anything for -- he's not even my friend!"

"Right, sure," said Nisroc, smirking. "That's why he was emitting enough Envy to damn a monastery or three while we were hanging out, yeah. Or do you mean he's more than--"

"I'm not giving you anything," said Aziraphale. "What makes you think I can't just take him and go?" He had a knife, after all.

"Aw. Really? You're gonna fight me with that little knife?"

Aziraphale turned to get Crowley, keeping the knife pointed at Nisroc. "No, I'm going to --"

"Nah. Try again." She grabbed his wrist and pressed into his palm with her thumb, the sharp talon slicing through his skin easily. He dropped the knife, and pulled his hand away from her with difficulty.

"Look, what do you want?" Aziraphale asked, taking a few steps back. If it was something small...

"Get my son into Heaven," said Nisroc, and she looked -- she looked serious.

Never mind, then. "I can't do that, they'd -- they'd -- I'd Fall," said Aziraphale. If not when he got to Heaven, before that in the process of lugging Grendel up there.

"Not -- I mean I know they'd never let him in the front door, you idiot," said Nisroc. "Smuggle him in somehow."

"How?" Aziraphale demanded.

"I don't know! You're smart, you think of something," said Nisroc. "But that's what I want."

"You know that's mad, Nisroc. You know that's absolutely -- he's an abomination! He's half-human, isn't he?"

"He's my son!" she snarled. "He didn't -- I didn't know it was going to be --"

"He eats people. You send him out to --"

"He doesn't know they're people!" shouted Nisroc. "I didn't tell him, he only -- he doesn't speak any human languages." She was crying now. "He thinks -- he thinks they're just -- you know. Beasts. It'd break his heart to know, and he can't -- he can't survive without them, so..."

"So you just didn't tell him," finished Aziraphale. He pitied her, he did, but he couldn't fix this.

She wiped tears out of her eyes with the palms of her hands, careful to keep the talons away from them. "Please, he's a good, sweet boy, he doesn't understand..."

"Nisroc, they would slaughter him as soon as he was discovered," said Aziraphale. "They would destroy him."

"So you won't even fucking try," said Nisroc. "Fine. You don't get your friend back."

"He's not my friend," said Aziraphale.

"Cool, cool, that's fine," said Nisroc. She picked up the knife Aziraphale'd dropped, and started towards Crowley.

"What are you doing?" Aziraphale asked.

She shrugged, her wings shifting. "Oh, well, if he's not your friend it's fine if I use his bones for broth stock --"

"Don't you dare!"

"What will you give me for him, then?" Nisroc asked again.

Aziraphale was going to give her a piece of his mind, certainly. He lunged at her tried to grab the knife out of her hand -- they both dropped it and it fell to the floor. She snarled and raked her claws at his face, but he stepped back. "You leave him alone," said Aziraphale.

"You're really goddamn irritating, you know that?" said Nisroc, taking a step toward him, unfurling her wings. "What are you gonna do to me, huh? You gonna fight me? I know you don't have that dumb sword anymore."

"Oh, really, this is ridiculous, Nisroc, you can't --"

"What? What can't I do?" Nisroc asked, advancing on him, and her wings were somehow larger now. "I'm a fucking demon now, Aziraphale, all those shitty rules don't apply anymore, I can do..." and her face was twisting, becoming something else, and she was lunging forward "...whatever the fuck I want." She could on no account be mistaken for human now; she had a beak, she had feathers, she had a few feet on Aziraphale and she wasn't even standing upright anymore -- and Aziraphale turned and ran.

There was nowhere to go but the pantry, but that was all right, that was his plan. Not that he had a good plan, but he trusted that the Plan did not involve him being eaten by an enormous bird (...bird??? She still had teeth, though!) demon just now, because that would be such a stupid way to discorporate. He heard Nisroc scrambling after him, laughing.

He tried to raise the unconscious humans Grendel'd brought home in the sack, but it was no use, so he wrested a sword from one of them instead. When he turned, Nisroc was already blocking the way out. She took another swipe at him with one hand; he blocked her with the sword, and then pressed forward, striking at her eyes. She jerked her head back and he missed.

Aziraphale lit the sword -- oh, the holy fire wouldn't be enough to destroy a demon, not on a human-made sword, but it certainly would do more damage than regular fire. She took a few more steps back. "Aw, c'mon, you wouldn't really discorporate me, would you? Leave my kid all alone up here?"

"Ah," said Aziraphale, lowering his sword slightly, not taking his eyes off her. "No, you're right, that would be --" And as soon as she lowered her head to attack, he slashed across her face, piercing her right eye.

She made a horrible screech, and staggered back instinctively, eyes pressed shut. Aziraphale was able to get out of the pantry and into the main room, and there he saw he'd been right to wonder about the birdness of her, for the back half of her was leonine. "That's not fair!" she snarled, and tried to attack him.

But she'd misjudged the distance, and he stepped back easily enough. He unfurled his own wings, now he had more freedom of movement. "Thought you didn't like rules, Nisroc. Anyway, Crowley's the one who's a soft touch about children, not me." He grabbed Crowley, still lying limp and tied up against the wall, and started dragging him to the exit. 

#good omens #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #whumptober2019 #no.27 #cw cannibalism #anthony j crowley #text #fiction #kaesa op #my ocs

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

#this is soooo long im so sorry oh my god

[spider-bih]

Random Tag

Random Tags Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the 11 random questions posted for you. Create 11 new ones and tag 11 people. Let the person who tagged you know that you answered.

Tagged by @peters-vlogs [even tho I’m laammee]

1. What’s something that you’ve always wanted to do, but either never got around to doing it or haven’t the chance to do it yet?

I honestly have no idea. I haven’t really thought much on what I wanna do you know? At least nothing that would be important. There are places I wanna go with my fam and stuff, but the only reason I can’t is either because of money or because I want to lose weight before I go. There are lots of things I want to do but stop myself because I don’t wanna look gross in any photos.

2. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

Truthfully? Absolutely nothing. This question is always one I have to lie at when asked in person or by a doctor or someone who wants to evaluate my mental health(which isn’t good, I know but really, I don’t want to be tested or medicated for personal reasons). However, if forced to pick something I find okay, I’d say my eyes.

3. Who’s something that you look up to and why? (They can be a celebrity or a fictional character if you want.)

No one, really. I get inspired by things and books, but I’ve never looked up to anyone or anything. My life goals and personal goals all came about by my own life experience etc. I don’t know why and I know it sounds stuck up, but.. I don’t mean it that way, you know? It’s just how I am.

4. What’s your favorite subject?

I’ve always been good at Reading (English) in school. I took honors in High School and if I had worked harder, I would have had AP, but I didn’t. I liked getting by with minimal effort because I fucking hated school and always felt like I’d mount to nothing regardless of what I did. School had me in such a bad head space for so many reasons. I’m glad to be out. I also really liked Art. I have the creative mindset, but I lack the skills to make what I want. I’ve kinda given up on that dream too.

5. What’s your favorite thing to do?

Listen to music, write and/or bake. Music is a huge part of my life. Certain songs bring me back to certain times and have helped me out of rough patches I’ve had with myself. Writing is a good release for me. Part of why I write so much angst is because I just have so many negative emotions that I just want to let out. Baking is just really fun. I love making things from scratch and hearing my friends and family say they love what I’ve made. I also get to eat it while I make it!

6. If you could be anyone in the world, who would you be and why?

Probably anyone else. Anyone with a better life or a better body. This is a hella sad answer to a cool question, but I can’t think of anyone specific I’d want to be. I just want to be someone better, someone who is financially stable and not so hateful. However, if given the chance, I wouldn’t take it unless I could keep my family and friends (I only have one or two irl and a few online lmao).

7. Look at your phone. What’s one app that you currently have downloaded that describes you?

Lmao uh- let’s see. Either Music Paradise Pro (because I fucking love music and need it constantly) or my Dunkin’ Donuts app that I never use but keep so I don’t lose my login info, because I love coffee and baked goods. I don’t have much else. My phone only has 16 GB of space and most of it’s taken up by music and pics of my dog asdfgh

8. Who do you want to meet?

Fucking Tom- but more than anything, I wanna meet my bae Jenni. However, before I fucking meet anyone I’d very much like to weigh a little less. I want pictures and I want to not hate them.

9. If you had a YouTube channel (or do have one), what would your catchphrase be?

asdfgh- I’ve actually thought about this, back when I had a lil crush on a certain YouTuber lmfao. “Hi, I’m Ari and I’m a catastrophe!” That’s my go to because it’s true and if you say my nickname right, it rhymes just a little bit.

10. If you ever went to a convention and you cosplay, what would your dream cosplay look like/who or what would it be?

asdfgh I don’t know? I’m not big on costumes tbh. I’d look terrible- but I guess going as Lady Deadpool would be pretty cool. Or maybe a zombified version of the Little Mermaid. Either or.

11. And finally, if you were a teacher and could teach anything in the world (it doesn’t matter what it is), what would you teach?

I’d probably go for an elective like Art or something. I do love writing, but it’s hard to get creative with that in a school setting. To school boards, writing is basically English and not something creative really. Hence all the damned essays and tests etc. Which I hated soo.. Art it is.

My questions:

How was your day?

What is your all time favorite movie? One you could recite lines from easily?

If you could jump into your favorite fictional universe, would you? If yes, would you still go if you couldn’t have your favorite character fall for you? Would you still go if you couldn’t come back?

If you could have any pet in the world (fictional or otherwise) what would you pick?

What’s the lockscreen on your phone? Why?

Read any books recently? Were they any good?

Are you an early bird or a night owl? Neither?

Do you have any stuffed animals? If yes, what kind? If no, why not? (Don’t say you’re too old, that’s laaammeee)

If you could have any super-power in the world, what would you pick? Why?

Most played song on your phone (or whatever you listen to music on)?

One random fact about yourself?

Tags: (I can’t think of 11 people yikes) (You don’t have to do this if you don’t wanna)

@spidergirlwanab, @cosmetologynerd, @pinkmousey (bc I mentioned you in an answer, you don’t have to do this.) @peter-parker-imagines (Idk ur url just popped into my head asdfg) @ literally anyone else, just tag me in your answers and we Gucci <3

#tagged meme #tagged as ari #11 questions tag #yeet

[s3venpounds]

1 - 40

jesus buddy, if you wanted to know more about me just friend me somewhere and talk to me facebook,discord,overwatch,psn, snapchat w.e! haha i dont bite!

also this is gonna be really feckin long

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

How to train your dragon (1 and 2 i can’t decide) I fucking LOVE dragons. the idea to fucking ride one in the sky?!?! fucking DOPE. the idea that theyre also SCALY DOGS?!?!? MOTHER.FUCKING.DOPE. i just associate the idea of freedom with flying through the sky and that feeling was conveyed really well in that movie so i really loved it!

2: Talk about your first kiss.

honestly? kinda dumb now that i look back on it. it was a peck, i wasn’t even like mentally prepared and it happened way faster than i thought. If i knew it was going to happen i would have really like milked that fucker. i woulda went romance movie on that shit with all the extra shit like groping and weird inhaling noises and kissing so hard your teeth almost clink together. but yknow coulda woulda shoulda

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

theyre not a part of my life anymore which admittedly fucking sucks but i think its for the better at least for them. do i wish it worked out and we were together? i mean yeah duh, the reasons i fell for them don’t fucking disintegrate/ i just have more information than i had when i first met that person. will i actually actively pursuit them in the chance to be with them again? hell no. i’m tired. and i’ve seen enough “ self confidence” posts on here to think “ hey if someone really wanted me in their life they would go out of their way to do so and seeing as they haven’t even messaged me in god knows how long then its safe to say theyre off being happy

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

man i haven’t seen this person is literally almost 20 years. I need to apologize. or at the very fucking least, see how theyre been doing. its driving me mad just trying to picture how theyre living and just coming up with a giant question mark.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

lets be real bro most of my birthdays have been shit so i gave up on tryna make them memorable or fun, ‘s just another day to me. i mean the best one would have to be this one time i got a gameboy advance but thats pretty much it

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

yknow how everyone says “ OH MY GOD WE SHOULD KEEP IN TOUCH” once you move? yeah thats bullshit. honest to god bullshit. i kept tabs on everyone when i moved to a different city and when i came down to visit for my birthday inviting all those people who supposed “wanted to keep in touch with me” literally 1 person showed up. and i think they only showed up because our parents were friends too. so yeah. fuck people sometimes.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

hygiene. breath, hair, clothes, eating habits, manners, anything that might make me come off as unclean to people im trying to impress drives me off the fucking wall. specially at formal events. if im wearing snazzy clothing at like a suite 16 or a debut or a wedding bet you $100 that im adjusting little aspects of my appearance every like 15 seconds. eating mints the second one is finished, trying not to be too close to someones face when talking, even when i fucking fart i always take note of which way the wind is blowing, or im sitting down on something that can absorb the stench, how much pressure is in my gut and how much of it can i let out in small bursts to avoid sound. that or asian dick syndrome. yknow. haha asians got a small dick? that kinda shit bugs me a bit. not a ton but more than i thought it would

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.(i am literally only 8 questions in and my fingers are a little sore from typing)

my singing and impressions? i once scared some friends when i imitated a party blower kazoo thingy since the ones they bought from the dollarstore didnt make any sound. same as my singing, i tend to get high scores and i impressed my cousins once with a perfect score on a backstreet boys song HEH

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

my biceps? theyre not like chris hemsworth level of meaty but like when i worked at this physically demanding job my coworkers are like “ woah dude ur arms are different from mine, if you worked out theyd look so ripped” that kinda stuck with me for a while specially knowing they were a football jock and they had their own special diet and fitness instructor or something. i also like my smile/ jaw shape? my hair can look pretty good too sometimes

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

my family is very passive aggressive oh and racist

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

i once had this dream where i had reallllly passionate sex and it felt real and i could feel like every little detail down to like hairs brushing my skin on my arms and shit. i swear to this day it was a modern day succubus or something

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

that dream where i was a bird and flying away from”something” just all my instincts telling me to RUN. or that dream where i got shot in the hand, chest then the head and before i blacked out i said “Ch*****” who incidentally i was going to see later that day which made things very awkward at least for me

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

it was pretty good. looking back i was probably shit in bed hahaha first time so of course theres shit to work out. 

14: Talk about a vacation.

hit on by a cousin AND their gay friend. to which the cousin threatened me with self harm but the gay friend took the rejection very easily it was almost baffling in comparison (although the second the settled down they started to bash on me for rejecting their friend) also ate some REALLLLLY garlic covered crab the smell took 5 washes to get out… also got to ride in the back of a truck as its driving at like 120 mph and flying off all these little hills and tracking mud everywhere it was great

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

she was in my arms fast asleep and i took a photo. she didnt like that but let me keep the pic so that was nice.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

i can’t really remember any that stand out they were all equally fun. dont get me wrong some were super fun its just that it was also followed by a lot of bad choices that kinda take it down a notch. i will say this one party a friend hosted where i got to meet a BUNCH of new people. i also snorted some fundip powder as a dare. they refuse to let it go so i figure might as well own it. i also landed some sweet shots in beerpong

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

ellen paige would be dope to be friends with. same with zendaya. and gal gadot just so i can like sit in her presence and be in awe for extended periods of time

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

i was cheating on a test and my so called friend ratted me out never talked to him again that white privilege lookin hoe

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

i stopped talking to a friend that id thought i would be friends with for my whole life. i also became friends with my current best friend

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

people are dumb. drama is dumb. people who seek out this kinda shit needa leave me the hell alone. and if youre going to challenge me to a fight, tell me about said fight so i can show up. dont march around telling people ur gonna fight me and not tell me so i dont show up and make it look like i pussied out. like for real?

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

oh yeah like the vacation one said : shit got really weird. and to have that sorta conversation on spotty wifi in an airport in south korea meaning jet lag is also disorienting af

22: Talk about your worst fear.

death. nuff said

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

it sucked but it happens so like.? lmao i dont really know waht to say but it sucked

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i have a horrible memory and on top of that my mind moves at like 32754895274 miles a second so i dont keep stuff in mind a lot in the first place. i can’t really think of anything that had so much impact that i’ve remembered it. well i mean there was this one song a friend told me about in a letter and to this day i’ve kept remembering the same verse “ maybe if we met each other under a different sky maybe things would be much better between you and i”

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

we just….grew apart. and if we tried to be friends now im sure there would be tension and unease. hes just in a different friend circle. i dont hate him for it i just feel like hes living in a world of white and im living in a world of black like its just plain and simple

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

on the computer. i can’t rest when im sick. i just keep trudging along. school, work, hangouts, i still go. i just take precautions to not spread it

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

neck? shoulder? hands? face? hair? idk dood i don’t really like specific places more of how WELL those parts can mesh together to make this beautiful being.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

y’all about to learn some shit because im gonna teach you a thing about me. pov’s, deepthroat/gagging, emo/goth, anal, massage, ropes and power trips, asians, tentacles if im feeling kinky, hentai /cartoon shit, glory holes, dirty talk and asmr (who woulda thought theres porn for that huh?), ahegao(being fucked silly or till your mind breaks into being nothing but a cumdump), swallowing, threesomes, double penetration, latex is pretty cool too, cosplays are nice if the characters are ones i recognize, tittyfucks, source film maker porn of like video game characters are getting pretty professional nowadays, lesbian, orgys, teenage girls and old ass guys, horse dicks and girls who try to take em, i got turned on by a girl fucking a dog once so i guess bestiality is a thing, oh i saw this scene in a movie im not sure if it was real it seems kinda hazy but it involved necrophilia but im not sure if it turned me on or it was so weird i’ve memorized it because of how weird it was. chicks with dicks fucking other chicks. and a plethora of other weird shit. i dont know what fetishes count and what doesn’t so i just listed whatever came to mind as i wrote have fun with that shit

29: Talk about what turns you on. 

short hair, asian heritage, playful and lighthearted but can be lustful as all hell, shorter than me, big boobs is a plus, mid driffs, underboob, small frame or face, scent( god if you smell good thats instant brownie points with me), likes anime, high pitch voices are cute as hell, very physically intimate, loves PDA’s, yeah i can’t really think of much

30: Talk about what turns you off.

uhh smells bad?, when their personality is bland/boring, or just shit. over timidness i get being shy but like if you can’t trust that the person youre interested in then like what am i supposed to do. i literally dated a girl who was so sheepish all i could do was ask her yes or no questions. and honestly that got old really fucking fast. i get she was trying but like i can only finesse so much of a relationship man. bad hygiene holy fuck. if you got like ear wax showin our ur ears, or like a bleeding pimple in plain view and refuse to at least dab it with a wet cloth or tissue then pls its not gonna work out. dandruff oh my gOD. dandruff would drive me nuts. like if i get close enough to see individual fucking flakes im gonna tear my whole scalp off

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

i feel like our bodies stop responding but our “souls” are still present there trapped screaming and trying to move our body but can’t. and thats why burials and shit sound so terrifying

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

dont need to. im a couple blocks away i can visit it any time. (my elementary and middle school the neighbourhood surrounding it was also where i used to live so that was dope)

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

i force myself to get MORE sad so i can get it all out in one go and much faster. like how the human mind can only get so angry that the brain gives up and just tries to find another way to spend its time. 

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

when i was a kid me and bunch of other kids decided to clog a slide with just a shit ton of people and one of my friends who came after me kept pushing me to the point i was hanging on for dear life using only my knee down that was wedged between a fat kid and my friend who went after me. i fell off eventually knocking skulls with another kid near the end of the slide(this slide was shaped like a spring so that explains why there were kids under me) my arm bend backwards for a sec after hitting another kid’s legs, and then i fell chest and fast first on the asphalt winding myself. kids are rugged as all hell man they can really take a hit. i walked it off but god damn if i didnt get bruises and shit afterwards. or that time i got beaten so bad by father dearest because work was stressful and i ended up blacking out. wasn’t even allowed to go to the hospital. just kinda laid down in my room with bruises all over.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

relying on people for happiness. distracting myself from sadness and responsibilities. procrastinating in general

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

i dont really feel guilt save for some specific circumstances. ask any of my friends. does that mean im a sociopath or whatever? 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

they just got out of a relationship with someone and was avoiding them profusely and i just started to get to know them. we got to the point that when she was ready we could date. little did i know that later, she would end up dating a friend of mine. to which i promptly had the appropriate reaction of crying myself to sleep, sending that friend a text message with all the things he should know to keep that girl happy and ultimately smashing a lot of things (some bottles actually because we were gonna build a sculpture or something together with em. man middle school was a fucking RIDE)

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

mmmmmm i would prefer to keep those underwraps.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

family will be there for you in the end. (not because they want to but because the world teaches them that they have to meaning they will help just in their own way and to their own ends.) friends come and go. they always have always will. anyone who says forever is a fuckin idiot. lovers come and go thats just a natural part of growing up. and lets be real all the people that said they would self harm ultimately never did so dont stress it so much god damn(but dont let it slide either)

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

how about the end of my interest in anime and video games. nothing seems to really interest me anymore. everything is just kinda “meh”

#ask me shit #its fun to tell people way more shit than they wanted

[qorillas]

I wanna know abt ur lab

all right kids sit down and hold on tight it’s time to hear about Biggie Mike and the Rat Pack and our Murder Cage Fun Times 

so i started working as an undergrad assistant in this biology lab at my university about three weeks ago and it’s really cool but also really wild like. the professor is this really chill dude that runs the museum of vertebrate zoology here and studies evolutionary genetics (which is what i wanna focus on for my major) and we all call him the professor but to my friends i call him Biggie Mike and one day i know that i’m gonna slip up and call him that to his face and it’s gonna be Bad but anyway. 

we’re doing an experiment to study the speciation of two different subspecies of mouse (musculus and domesticus) and to identify the genes involved in species variation and essentially what we’re doing is putting the two subspecies in an enclosure (which i call a Murder Cage) together and letting the population just do its thing for the next ten generations which is gonna take like. 2 years lmao and throughout the whole thing we’re gonna sequence the dna of every single damn mouse that’s born and see how the genes change in the population over time. SO we have like a shit ton of mice and right now we have one murder cage that has like 250 mice in it and we’re getting a second one ready and building wire food holders and cleaning it out and everything it’s a lot of physical field work and my arms hurt 

the reason why this lab is so Wild though is because like. the murder cages aren’t actually located anywhere near the university?? ? biggie mike somehow found out about these old enclosures way up in the hills behind us that were used like 50 years ago in some other experiment and his immediate thought was, Hey We Could Put Mice In That. so every day at like 8:30am me and two other undergrads who i have affectionately dubbed the Rat Pack pile into this old truck that’s owned by the university and we drive for 15 minutes way way up into the hills and into the woods to the murder cages so we can like feed the mice and check on them 

the reason why i call the enclosures Murder Cages though is because apparently whoever built these enclosures had never seen a horror movie or had any sense of fear because like. the cages are essentially 4 foot deep pits lined with concrete and covered with these heavy wire grates and they really just look like they were built by some axe murderer to keep his victims in and they’re just really terrifying. PLUS they’re in the woods and they’re filled with mice and all those factors together basically make it look like somewhere where you’re probably going to get killed and/or tortured horribly and they’ll find your body a week later

so taking all this into account of course on the first day we go up there biggie mike decides that the best way to show us how to change the water for the mice is to literally jump down into the pit and close the Murder Cage on top of him, locking himself in there with 250 live mice. and then because the Murder Cages are heavy and because biggie mike is not actually that big me and the rest of the rat pack had to heave the cage door open to rescue him

we also lined all the murder cages with sherman traps so that if any mice from the experiment escape we can catch them and put them back in but like??? the traps are doing a good job of catching things but a bad job of catching the right things? ?? last week someone opened a trap and a bird exploded out of the trap right into their face and so far we have caught three wild mice, two of which were hypothermic and which i got to warm up in my hands before releasing which was really cool. biggie mike said really happily last week “oh man just wait until we find a squirrel or a snake i’ll have to teach you guys to handle those” and one member of the rat pack looked like they were going to cry

on top of that we’re cleaning out a second set of murder cages to duplicate the experiment and, you kno, 50 years is a Long Time so there were a ton of spiders and leaves and all around Bad Shit in them so we had to clean them out and not only were there about ten thousand spiders the size of my hand but i also found very many dead things. the most memorable one was in this little tunnel that we use for the mice to climb between pits and i put my hand in to see what was blocking it up and there was a giant dead bird in there that had like melded itself to the concrete when it rotted so that was Fun. a few of the other tunnels have caps in them that are rusted shut and nobody can open them so biggie mike tried to get this big hulking wrestler to pry it open with a crowbar and anyway now biggie mike is out 40 bucks and has a crowbar that is bent in half

all of this sounds really intimidating and i’m sure you’re like, ariel, why the Hell and Fuck would you work for a lab like this?? ?? and my answer is science is fucking weird as hell but it’s also really fun and next week we get to open up the nests and start genotyping the newborn mice of the first generation and i’m really excited. also because i did not spend two hours cleaning out a murder cage full of spiders to leave before the fun stuff starts 

#this is LONG i'm sorry #i love biggie mike and the rat pack though #we have Lab Memes now it's really fun #pipe down pipe down

[jennyquill]

some kara/lena headcannons + ramblings

ok this is just for me and for funsies ive got a lot of thoughts and not a lot of people to share them with but we might as well start somewhere. 

it’s really long fam

Who’s the cuddler: definitely both? kara really likes closeness in general and lena is an absolute sucker for cuddles and + homegirl’s probs really touched starved too so they probably have major cuddling sessions where nothing really happens they just want to be as close as possible to each other. i’ve also seen some headcannons where kara’s basically a human furnace and i can see lena getting *lovingly* frustrated at her girlfriend’s ridiculous body heat but also consider: lena luthor being a cuddle slut and absolutely adoring kara’s eternal warmth

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon: kara likes to default to big spoon but doesn’t mind when lena takes the reigns. they’re probably switch in this.

Fav. non sexual activity: this is a huge fanon thing and i totally am on the bandwagon for it: lazy sundays. just. an entire day where sluggish, hedonistic desires are met and they close themselves off to the world um yes pls this is very kara/lena. also music. i like the idea of them being well-read in the music world and just going to concerts ranging from mahler to andrew bird to nicki minaj and selena gomez and probably some other hipster bands. sharing each other’s spotify’s and sending each other youtube links of cool obscure bands they find. kara discovering someone’s bandcamp and lena anonymously donating to their page. lena loving the opera and introducing kara to verdi. lena having a guilty pleasure for 21 pilots or smth and kara being ???? ok let’s jam. i just really! love! music! and! kara/lena!! (omg kara teaching lena advanced music theory??? maybe lena was semi trained in her youth but never really went past building chords and one afternoon kara just takes her aside and teaches her part writing and its weird ass rules and lena catching on in an instant bc all music theory is an extension of math and logic. them writing songs together im???)

Who uses all the hot water: KARA her apartment may be big and spacious but that don’t mean her water heater is up to date

Most trivial thing they fight over: shoes. they’re like, a half shoe size a part even though lena’s smaller and maybe with certain styles kara can fit in some of lena’s nice loafers or lena lowkey uses this one specific pair of black heels of kara’s and this leads to the pettiest arguments of “those are my shoes and today is my day no you cannot wear them.” also kara accidentally putting things in hard to reach places bc she’s still getting used to living with someone who can’t just fly up to get the pans on top of the fridge.

Who does the most cleaning: they’re both pretty good at keeping things neat. lena’s not used to kara’s ‘throw this here and pick it up later’ system but they work things out. lena’s also really bad at keeping track of how fast her messes pile up and even though she always cleans after herself sometimes kara comes home and there’s just trails of paper and books and like five computers running and she’s like babe ur home office took over the house. also what’s that saying that really intelligent people are the messiest or smth? smth like “an empty desk is an empty brain” idk. i’m just thinking that even though lena presents herself nicely and clearly has a grip on herself just think about her home office being a small battlefield of stacks and files and prototypes. also lena with a messy closet is pretty believable like she may know how to match her clothes but that doesn’t necessarily mean her closet is in pristine condition idk i present to you: kara, organized closet by color and design and lena, these are my yoga pants and they’re hanging next to my 200$ suit

Who controls Netflix queue: kara is queen of netflix and all things to watch. lena doesn’t know how she manages to afford netflix and amazon prime at the same time but then again she also doesn’t know how kara affords her apartment in the first place.

Who calls the landlord when the heat doesn’t work: lena gets it done faster; kara doesn’t even notice the temperature has dropped 20 degrees until lena puts on her winter coat

Who leaves their stuff around: kara’s constantly dropping her clothes in the most random places bc supergirl reasons. lena finds her tights and button up in the bathroom at the beginning of the week and by the end of the week she’s found her shoes in the potted plant, her pants on the kitchen island, and various shirts smashed between things ranging from the stereo set to the fridge. lena’s one of those people who can always remember where they’ve left their stuff even if they’ve left it in a maze

Who remembers to buy the milk: kara’s shopping lists aren’t always practical but she does remember to buy the milk

Who remembers anniversaries: both. at the start of their relationship ena’s afraid to make it a big deal bc fear of rejection and commitment but kara rubs those fears away by being the most supportive girlfriend. also kara having her own reservations about commitment. kara knowing that relationships ask a lot out of people, that both have to work to make it happen. kara trying, despite her previous relationships to go forward and build something strong for lena and her. kara forging on, ignoring the demon in her head telling her that she can’t have it all, that she’ll never be able to find balance, that no one will truly take her for who she is. lena recognizing and soothing these fears, destroying these fears by staying steadfastly by kara’s side and saying fuck it and falling hard and fast for the girl of steel. lena being a dramatic gay and showering kara with expensive gifts and bringing her as her date to exclusive parties. kara bringing lena gifts from the sea and pretty rocks from mountains that humans can’t climb, kara finding the quiet corners of the world and bringing lena there and they build their world from each other’s strength and their secrets bonding them and told through trust. lena and kara in love and a super and a luthor defying the odds because they can and because they will.

Who cooks normally: i love the headcannons of kara being the cook bc hello it’s kara and this girl’s first love on earth (besides alex) was probably food. but i also like the idea of them both being hopeless in the kitchen? like. imagine them both trying to save money and taking cooking classes or watching baking videos online. going to the library and trying out a different recipe each week. lena making a pinterest of all the breakfast items she wants to try on lazy sundays. together, learning how to cook and messing up and getting distracted by each other so their meals turn out just a little bit burnt. kara trying to make homemade icecream. kara eating half the ingredients before lena has a chance to put the roast in the oven. them making thanksgiving dinner and it’s kind of horrible but mostly alright and eliza makes them promise to let her help them out for christmas dinner. kara and lena slowly learning to cook and turning out to be kitchen moms with a wicked way with the cookbook.

How often they fight: god just they can either have the best arguments or the worst ones. they’re both really good communicators though and they’re respectful and sure things get heated and complicated but they live by the “don’t go to bed angry” rule and it really helps. lena can close herself off, be a little dramatic, maybe be a bit reckless when it comes to her self care and kara’s got a huge heart but she’s also terribly headstrong and sometimes their respective stubbornness blinds them. kara can be extra and make rash decisions. but at the end of the day they talk things through and their similar backgrounds help them reach understandings.

What they do when they’re away from each other: kara can visit lena wherever she is in the world but she’s also got her own job and while she’d gladly visit lena everynight lena knows better than to ask her to, knows that space can be good. if lena’s gone for extended periods of time they’ll arrange call times and kara visits when she can so long distance isn’t a main concern between the two of them. supergirl duties take kara away at really random and sometimes inopportune times but lena’s a patient soul and kara always makes sure she’s communicating to lena, making lena a priority but also lena knows that supergirl is The priority and she loves her hero girlfriend. also distance makes the heart grow fonder so imagine maybe their busy schedules overlapping and them not being able to be together for two weeks to a month and both are just going crazy like. kara wanting to rush off to her girlfriend every chance that she gets but lena’s on the other side of the world and up to her neck in corporate shenanigans so when they finally are able to orbit each other again it’s like a supernova and it’s handsy and desperate but also really nice and they just kinda hold each other for awhile and take their time regrouping after the initial homecoming. also kara/lena + reunion sex. bonus points if the next day is a lazy sunday.

Nicknames: idk? i don’t really see them having nicknames unless it’s the teasing miss luthor/miss danvers. they have pet names tho. lots of babes and darlings and sweethearts.

Who is most likely to pay for dinner: lena.

Who steals the covers at night: kara likes the comfort of being in buried in covers even though she really doesn't need them. lena’s a sheet goblin and probably lowkey hogs the bed. not the kara minds bc that girl sleeps like a log in one place.

What they would get each other for gifts: kinda already answered this but also wanted to add that idk where i saw this and i wish i could find it and link it but i read a really good one somewhere where somebody was like “lena gets kara lingerie and it’s an experience” and um yes??? if someone knows what this is pls tell me and i’ll link it/give proper credit im sorry. also! kara getting lena really practical things or gifts from around the world. lena going full out billionaire baby on kara and just the two of them being high end fashion, high end living, high end everything. but also enjoying the other spectrum of comfort and maybe for kara’s birthday they go on a road trip and stay in crappy motels and eat greasy diner food and have the quintessential american experience and it’s cathartic and slow and totally theirs.

Who kissed who first: i love the idea of kara making the first move and a surprised but delighted lena being like yesss.

Who makes the first move: kara’s the one to make all the first moves i’ve decided this. lena’s always just a lil hesitant, always thinking in strategies and kara’s the one to be like ok let’s do this when and where do we meet and they just progress from there.

Who remembers things: lena’s google calendar gives onlookers heart attacks on the spot. kara balances her duties pretty well but sometimes she can slip up and something will go over her head but she’s always responsive and owns up to her actions. they remember big days and lena’s always the one to follow up on dates or plans and kara’s the one that reminds lena to eat or rest or just take some time to herself.

Who started the relationship: their lunch dates turn to dinner dates that turn to hang out sessions until they’re three months down the road in a muddle of uncharted intimacy and one day alex goes “hey where’s ur gf” and kara’s like ??? oh lena. oh. well she’s probably running late bc i know she had a meeting or smth. and alex is like. ah. and kara’s like. ah? and alex is like “u didn’t question that lena’s ur gf? gay.” and kara’s like “omg” and then shenanigans ensue and long story short they’re dating.

Who curses more: lena luthor is a very attractive curser and kara doesn’t know what to do with this information. also. kara cursing in high stress situations or when something takes her by surprise. bed cursing. also kara whispering ‘fuck’ bc of smth and lena doing the side eye emoji.

What they would do if the other was hurt: lena’s become accustomed to seeing supergirl get whipped around on the tv screen but her heart rate still speeds up everytime kara gets hurt. they learn to trust one another and just build this really lovely relationship where the worst has already happened to them so they know that together they can get through anything. lena staying by kara in her sunbed. lena taking care of her helpless gf when her powers blow out. lena being a shoulder to cry on, lena understanding when kara needs someone to understand what kara doesn’t understand. kara doing the same for lena. kara protecting lena to her last breath. kara defending lena until her voice is hoarse. kara bringing lena food. them giving each other backrubs out of comfort or out of need. both of them being just as protective as the other with just as much concern and love and care and tenderness.

Who is the dirty talker: im blushin thinking about this. lena being the vocal one but also kara being really responsive to her? yes. someone fic this. someone probably already did.

Any headcanons? i’m really into kara and lena going to galas/parties and dressing up idk it’s just the aesthetic that gets me. also the music headcannon. i want kara who sings around her apartment or whenever she’s comfortable or when she’s doing work just singing all these songs and some lena recognizes and others are hymn songs from krypton or songs from her childhood. kara being a theatre nerd and geeking out to lena and lena lowkey understanding all of kara’s references. lena knowing piano and kara knowing like twelve different instruments. idk where that huge “kara loves music and learns to control her powers through it” post is but yeah im all for this mmhmm.

i’d also like to add: cello player kara. strings are a hard discipline to learn and you have to have the right amount of pressure and speed to pull the sound out of these types of instruments. also, the cello is low and kara would probably have perfect intonation with the low rumble of the strings, the orchestra, and her super hearing. kara having an extensive knowledge of baroque music and string quartets and being a nerd and analyzing bach chorales. also choir kid kara! being a voice within many and listening to the counterpoint and changing harmony. kara danvers, not a sports kid in high school, but a fine arts kid. going silly and goofy in the drama club, painting in the art club, being in two orchestras and a band on the side. trying out the glee club (ha) and being put in the top choir bc she’s strangely and inexplicably fast at learning the languages and parts. kara forming her own string quartet with her buddies. kara being in the pep band. KARA BEING IN THE MARCHING BAND. DORKY KARA WITH GLASSES AND A HUGE TROMBONE. MAYBE A TRUMPET IDK. OMG KARA DANVERS, BASSOON PLAYER EXTRAORDINAIRE. kara slaying it at karaoke so hard that she’s not allowed back until she learns that karaoke is for fuNSIES and not for taLENTED PEOple kar a stoppppPPP. kara being That Kid that makes all the statewide festivals and competitions. kara not being in it for the glory but for the discipline, the physical balance and strain it takes her to master her craft and this makes her stand out but not in a bad way but in an inspiring way. kara rising to the top bc she practices for herself, because music is an escape like it is for a lot of kids, but especially for her.

also: kara applying her music theory knowledge from krypton to western styles of music???? im??? is it like atonal music or do they have notes that the human ear can’t pick up? what are the scales like/modes?? i don’t read the comics and i have no knowledge on the superman lore but if someone knows pleaSE SHARE. kara likes atonal music bc it’s fun to follow. kara missing krypton’s instruments and subconsciously choosing her earth instruments based on what she remembers from krypton, what feels familiar. kara liking certain pop songs on the radio because the modes are similar to a hymn she heard when she was little. kara getting lost in the dazzle of theatre bc the storylines about going home and finding one’s true self hit something deep within her. kara and music. kara and the fine arts, finding a different type of strength.

also one last thing for all you music nerds out there: don’t think about how ungodly fast she’d be at part writing and finding errors. or how she’d ace all the aural skills parts of theory exams. kara gets a music minor in college in theory and composition and it’s a breeze ok ok im done this was too much fun omg.

#this is really very long #hmm #supergirl #supergirl headcanons #jenny's party of 1 #supergirl fic #written

[i-read-good-books]

Expomise Chapter 6!

I updated Expomise!

Summary: 

“It’s really good to see you, Victor. Love the hair.”

His friend flushes, “Y-yes, I thought so, too.”

For a moment, they just kind of stand there, in silence, not really knowing what to say. Yuuri wants to tell him to come in again, wants to ask how Chris and Georgi are doing, wants to reach out and touch him, like he always does.

Except… he doesn’t.

Link to ao3: here

Chapter under the cut:

“I am a strong, independent wizard who needs no man,” Yuuri whispers to himself, clutching his scarf close to his chest. “This is fine.”

“Yuuri?” Luke’s voice reaches him just as he’s finishing lacing up his skates, as cheerful as always. “We’re waiting for you here!”

“...Coming,” he calls back weakly, straightening himself up and turning to glance backwards. The Coaches who have hours in the mornings are on the ice, carefully guiding beginners and lecturing some more experienced skaters, all of which look half-asleep still, clinging to the barriers and groaning every few minutes of exhausting exercise.

Luke, of course, is also there; because the universe just hates Yuuri that much that it didn’t have enough making him anxious and terrified of squirrels. He’s at the short door that opens up to the ice, beaming at him, wearing his colourful pink beanie and the tightest leggings Yuuri’s ever seen (and he’s a ballet dancer). “Slide in, big boy.”

Yuuri flushes as he’s making his way towards him, wincing at the sound the blade make against the ground, even if it’s protected against them, “Please don’t call me that, Luke.”

“Aw,” the teenager pouts, in a way  so unnecessarily dramatic that it reminds Yuuri of Phichit. “But aren’t you such a big, strong boy?”

“I’m thi- almost fourteen,” he splutters, not meeting his eyes. “And I’ve got class now, you know.”

“You were so much nicer to me at the beginning,” Luke smiles, gently moving so that they’re skating together towards where the  Coaches are. Yuuri only has morning classes like these on weekends, since he mostly uses the rink alone with Celestino during the afternoons, to practice his magic, and he’s changed his rink from last year, so he’s still a bit unfamiliar with the rest of the adults there. That means nothing when it comes to Luke, though, he practically lives here.

Yuuri met Luke last year, at the open ice rink during Christmas, and Luke told him he had talent.

“He was scared of you at the beginning,” Yuuko pipes in, happily coming to a stop in front of them. She’s the reason Yuuri changed rinks this year, to one further away from his home, which he has to Floo to. It’s close to Minako’s, though, so he makes the trip count.

“He couldn’t be,” Luke gasps, “I’m so undeniably pleasant.”

He smiles at Yuuri as he says so, taking a moment to rub his shoulders in a friendly way, the same kind of ‘big brother’ affection he loves showering Yuuri in, and his blue eyes shine.

For a moment, Yuuri can’t breathe properly.

“Come on, Yuuri,” Yuuko grabs his hand, “We have to practice together! That’s why we’re rinkmates. You can try holding me up.”

“Yuuko, that’s dangerous - “

“Gotta go, bye!”

Honestly? She’s just saved him from completely humiliating himself by trying to speak to Luke normally. It’s basically impossible.

…

Yuuri is um, he’s pretty sure he kinda, um… he kinda likes Luke.

It’s not a big deal! And it’s not like Yuuri is like, totally lusting after him or falling in love with him, either. Luke is just really handsome, and nice, and smiles a lot, and holds his hand when he trips on ice, and says his skating is good, and -

Well. Luke is um. He’s a cool guy, okay? Anyone would have a small crush on him, he’s got that special charm that makes people flock to him like birds. Mari teases him about it all the time, to his absolute horror. Whenever she comes pick him up at the ice rink she makes a show out of calling out Luke’s name, asking how Yuuri’s done, and smiling blindingly the whole way through, ecstatic.

“I hate you so much,” Yuuri groans as they exit the place, burying his face in his hands. “Why can’t you let me be?”

“Oh, was I bothering you two?” Mari presses the back of her palm against her forehead, mock-ashamed. “I never meant to interrupt your romantic encounters. But you can’t blame me, the last time you had a crush was on that one girl who lives across the street.”

“He’s like, your age,” Yuuri whines, pushing her so that she moves quickly. He’s almost certain Luke can’t hear them, but it’s better to make sure. Just in case. “And I don’t like him!”

His sister hums noncommittally, “Yes, of course. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Yuuri.” She smirks, “Or whatever helps you at night, even if you don’t actually sleep.”

“Oh my god - I can’t believe - I am going to murder you -” His cheeks are flaming red. Did she just imply…?

Mari holds her hands up, “You’re almost fourteen, little bro, I wasn’t born yesterday.”

Yuuri glares at her, hoping his blush isn’t as noticeable as he thinks, “Well, you tease like a two-year-old, so it’s an easy mistake.”

“Oi!” she punches him in the arm lightly, cackling when he yelps. “No badmouthing your sister because you get hot over an older guy!”

“Please kill me,” Yuuri begs to no one in particular.

Of course, Phichit’s reaction to the “news” (Yuuri awkwardly mumbling, “I think I have a crush on a guy at my ice rink.” during one of their nightly Skype calls, feeling like his heart’s about to burst out of his chest) is much different, and almost endearingly Phichit-like.

First, he tells Yuuri that under no circumstances is he to try to date the guy, as if.

“He is much older than you, Yuuri!” he waggles his finger threateningly on his laptop’s screen. “And a guy who hasn’t already asked you out on a date after seeing you in your ice skating glory doesn’t deserve you, anyway. Besides,” he seems especially insistent in this part, “I think you already have some very, very dateable people around you. You don’t need this boy.”

“I’m not going to date him,” Yuuri whispers harshly, checking around to make sure his parents haven’t woken up. No sound from their bedroom. “I was just telling you because it’s been driving me mad. Now that I’ve actually told someone, I can forget him!”

“Oh, no,” Phichit smiles, “You ain’t forgetting Luke Matthews anytime soon, buddy, but well. He’s your type, isn’t he? Gorgeous blond hair, endless blue eyes, smooth pale skin, and that smile, dear lord.”

Yuuri’s eyes widen, “Phichit, how do you know what he looks like?”

“How do you think?” he raises an eyebrow. “I just followed him on Instagram, obviously.”

“Phichit, unfollow him right now or I swear I will cut off your wifi.”

His friend winks, “We’re not in Hogwarts, my dear Yuuri.” He laughs at Yuuri’s dismayed expression of realization, and settles back in his chair, his smile widening. Phichit’s gotten a haircut recently, a nice one that makes his eyes stand out more. “How’s the summer coming along otherwise, cute boy notwithstanding?”

Yuuri bites his lower lip in thought, running his fingers through his hair, “Um. I’m getting more and more into skating, actually. I might be able to do a proper competition jump soon, other than waddling through my Salchow. Yuri’s been hinting at wanting to try my mom’s katsudon, so I’m probably gonna invite him over sometime soon.” He thinks about it, “Might invite Victor, too, while I’m at it.”

“Oh yeah, you do that.” Phichit nods, and then he lets out a small laugh, “Don’t tell him about Luke, though.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Yuuri rolls his eyes, “I’m not that stupid, you know, I’d already figured he might be jealous.”

His friend stares at him, mouth hanging open, “You had? Um, w-when?”

“Like, the first day?” Yuuri sighs. “Victor’s really nitpicky about anyone teaching me figure skating, he gets all petty every time Yuuko helps me with anything. Do you think I’d tell him about an older guy with more experience giving me lessons?”

For some reason, Phichit looks almost like he’s about to laugh again, his eyes twinkling, but he just says, giggling, “Yes, I’m pretty sure Victor would object to an experienced guy giving you private lessons, Yuuri.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, huffing at his friend, “Honestly, you treat me like I’m so dumb. Obviously I’d realized Victor is a protective teacher.”

“Very protective teacher,” Phichit agrees, smirking suspiciously.

…

yuuri katsucky (because you SUCK)

i dont know what u wanted me to do. like. do u want to like. poison the food or smth. i dont care tbh. im going to ur house anyway bc im invincible. so fuck u who cares tbh

nikiforov says hes going too but meh.  whatever

Yuri always writes such nice things.

Knowing that both Yuri and Victor are coming means that Yuuri spends the day before their arrival cleaning every corner of the house, meticulously making sure his parents don’t leave anything...incriminating (like the one teen Witches’ Fave Hottie: Victor Nikiforov! poster he bought because he was curious) around, and peering over their shoulders as they cook and wrinkling his nose if they put their feet on the table.

“Seriously, you’d think you were the adult,” his mother mutters, ruffling his hair while he works on his summer homework. His parents make him see a tutor to keep him updated on muggle school work, in case he doesn’t want to work in the wizarding world. Mom still thinks that the fact that they don’t study biology at Hogwarts is a crime against humanity.

He’s still fretting, fixing his clothes, the moment he hears the doorbell ring.

The first thing that Yuuri thinks when he opens the door, smiling, calling out to his parents, “They’re here!”, and sees the two Slytherins waiting outside for him is that, no matter how much he sometimes feels like Celestino is working him to death, it’s nothing compared to Feltsman.

It’s less noticeable in Yuri, who’s grumbling, wearing respectable clothes for once (although his earrings are tiger claws, of course), because the boy still looks almost eerily like a fairy, lean and skinny in a way that suggests elegant rather than ‘awkward’. But it’s undeniable the second he glances at Victor.

Victor babbled about ‘starting to really train’ for Junior Worlds after he came clean to Yuuri regarding it, delighting him with schedules upon schedules of what he had to do this summer to get up to bar in order to compete internationally. He even confessed that he may not write as many letters, with all the stuff he had to do, apologizing profusely. So Yuuri was expecting him to gain a little muscle and all but, um. They haven’t seen each other in almost two months, and the change is just a little bit striking.

His hair’s longer, almost reaching down to his back now, but he’s got it on the side, tied up in a stylish ponytail. Apart from that, all the differences are the fact that Yuuri’s pretty sure Victor’s grown at least ten centimeters since he last saw him, which finally cements his position as ‘the short friend’, something he’s been able to avoid with Phichit, thankfully. He also just seems more filled out; his shoulders are a bit further apart, his face is slightly skinnier, and he stands with more confidence, balancing his weight like he’s making an entrance.

“Hey, Yuuri,” Victor says, smiling.

He reminds Yuuri, just slightly, of Luke.

“Your voice is deeper,” he blurts out automatically, even though it’s not that big of a change, after taking in the rest. He flushes, embarrassed, and doesn’t meet his eyes, “Oh, sorry, uh, come in, you two, we’re expecting you!”

Yuri rolls his eyes, “Always collected, Huffle.”

Yuuri pokes his nose as he goes by, laughing at his infuriated yelp, “It’s good to see you, Yuri.”

“Don’t steal any paintings,” Victor tells him cheerfully, which makes him glower so bad that Yuuri’s kind of impressed he doesn’t back down. He turns to look at Yuuri again, “How have you been?” Victor bites his lip and fidgets with his hands, glancing at him from between his eyelashes, “I’m really sorry I haven’t been able to write much recently, Yakov’s been running me down.”

“Um,” Yuuri swallows. Were his eyelashes really that long before? “Oh, um, it’s fine. You already told me about it, you know.” He smiles back at him,“It’s really good to see you, Victor. Love the hair.”

His friend flushes, “Y-yes, I thought so, too.”

For a moment, they just kind of stand there, in silence, not really knowing what to say. Yuuri wants to tell him to come in again, wants to ask how Chris and Georgi are doing, wants  to  reach out and touch him, like he always does.

Except… he doesn’t.

“Yuuri?” his mom’s voice, coming from the kitchen, interrupts his train of thought. He startles, turning back. “Don’t leave your friend at the door, it’s rude.”

“Sorry, mom,” he mumbles, chastised. “Oh, so, you have to take your shoes off, see…”

…

Yuri and Victor meeting his parents goes extraordinarily well. Yuuri was slightly worried that Victor would say something accidentally offensive (one can never be sure with purebloods. Phichit, in his search for knowledge, innocently asked Yuuri when they were 11 if muggles took showers, too.), or that Yuri would burn the house down or something (one can never be sure with Yuri Plisetsky), but they come out of it mostly unscathed.

“So, Victor,” his mom sets down her fork and looks at his friend, smiling. “Yuuri has been telling us about you since forever. It would be truly nice to see you figure skate.”

Victor preens, leaning back in his chair before answering, turning on the ‘pureblood charm’. It’s a term that Leo and Yuuri made up after spending so much of their time around old, rich purebloods: however ridiculously awkward they may seem around their friends, regardless of their gross quirks and hand gestures, they turn into something like wizarding debutantes in the presence of any respectable adult, channeling thousands of gala nights into perfect table manners, unbelievable skilled public speaking and just the right amount of compliments.

Yuuri thinks it’s kind of silly, but undeniably useful for some situations. Leo calls it “Phichit trying not to seem Phichit”. Yuri has another name for it: “pretentious pampering”.

“Well, Mrs. Katsuki,” Victor closes his eyes briefly, beaming at her, “I’m sure that Yuuri has exaggerated my abilities. You see, he’s a very biased friend, although I do appreciate it.”

His mom smiles, “Oh, you’re so well-spoken, what a treasure.”

Yuri, who’s said a total of 10 words during the duration of the meal and is currently shoving katsudon into his mouth as quickly as possible, snorts.

After lunch, when they’re helping clean up the kitchen, Yuuri moves next to Victor, murmuring, “You don’t have to do that, you know.”

His friend cocks his head at him, furrowing his brow in confusion, “Do what?”

“Go all ‘look at me, I’m respectable’ on my parents,” Yuuri shrugs. “They don’t care, really. Phichit never goes pureblood mode on them. And, um,” he flushes, scratching the back of his neck, “They’re going to like you anyway, with all the stuff I’ve told them about you. I’m pretty sure my parents are convinced that you and Phichit save me from hordes of bullies every minute I’m in school.”

“I would,” Victor says immediately, as if on reflex, and then freezes, “I mean, we would.” He licks his lips, glancing downwards, “I didn’t mean to um, go ‘pureblood mode’, or whatever.”

“I’m used to it,” he smiles. He steps a little bit closer, mindful that no one hears them, just enough that their feet are almost touching in the narrow kitchen. It’s a little harder to breathe. “But you can be yourself with me, okay?”

Victor’s eyes flutter shut, before he whispers, quiet, “You’re an evil, evil guy, Yuuri Katsuki.”

…

Victor has to leave early (something about the amount of hours he has to sleep while on ‘Yakov’s training regime from hell’), but Yuri’s allowed to stay a little longer. Mari pats him for a while and challenges him to a selfie match of death (the theme is ‘who can balance more things on their nose while taking a selfie at the same time’, and it ends with them breaking five ceramic bowls and Yuri’s shoe on Mari’s face), and after a while both Yuri and Yuuri go upstairs, letting the adults watch a film. Something about a stone, a three-headed dog and a giant chess game. Honestly, Warners Bros are running out of ideas.

“Katsuki,” Yuri begins, flopping down on his bed and narrowing his eyes at him. “If you even think trying to make me play a board game, I’ll murder you.”

From where he’s kneeling down next to his bookshelf, Yuuri quickly lets go of the Monopoly box, “O-of course I wouldn’t do that, haha.”

Yuri huffs, stretching out on the bed like a cat and sighing, “I should have just gone home. You’re a mess, like always.”

“Well;” Yuuri swallows, moving to sit on his desk chair. “What do you want to do, then?”

“Sleep. Wake up and find out moderate maiming is legal and encouraged. Maybe eat pizza.”

“You just had like, three katsudon bowls!”

Yuuri hisses, “I don’t need you and your judging in my life.”

He holds his hands up, admitting defeat, “Okay, okay.” Yuuri giggles, “You’re cute when you’re excited about things, you know.”

The younger boy glares at him, showing his teeth, “I am not cute.”

“Oh yeah?” Yuuri teases, dragging his chair so it’s closer to the bed. “What about when you spent three hours telling me about the cat shelter that had opened up next to your house?”

Yuri’s ears go bright red, “I was not excited, you degenerate, I was merely moderately pleased that the human race has finally accepted cats as superior beings and are providing for their needs cost-free.”

“Or when you made me rewatch Otabek Altin’s catching the snitch ten times in the match against Portugal? With added commentary? And flaschards?”

The Slytherin throws a pillow at him, “It was twenty centimeters away, Katsuki. Learn to appreciate gods on Earth.”

Yuuri just laughs.

…

Hey Victor,

Thanks so much for sending me a book like you mentioned when you came over last week. I just thought that the book we talked about was one on magical creatures (remember? I mentioned I was struggling with the utter hell that is learning that so many stuff I thought didn’t exist is actually real?) and not your copy of Bridget Jones’s Diary.

Still loved it, though.

Yuuri

…

YUURI

OH MY GOD I’M SORRY

IT’S MY SUMMER READ OKAY THE MUGGLE STUDIES TEACHER MADE US READ ONE OF THESE LITTLE SHITS IT’S NOT LIKE I WAS READING IT BECAUSE I LIKED IT OR ANYTHING OKAY

SENDING YOU THE RIGHT BOOK WITH THIS LETTER

FML

VICTOR

…

“Hey,” Luke’s voice so close to him makes him look up, startled. The older skater is standing next to him, smiling cheerfully. He adjusts his beanie before patting him on the shoulder, “So, you’re leaving, are you, big boy?”

Yuuri flushes, not meeting his eyes. It’s his last figure skating lesson before he goes to Hogwarts for the school year, and he won’t be coming back until the summer. “Yeah, boarding school.”

“Ah, boarding school,” Luke muses. He bites his lower lip, glancing around them for a few seconds. He seems nervous. “Um, before you left, I wanted to ask you something.”

Yuuri nods, itching to get on the ice and start practicing, “Sure.”

Luke blurts out, “I was kind of hoping I could get your sister’s number.”

Yuuri freezes.

Oh.

Oh.

So that’s why he was so friendly, he realizes, with an almost disturbing calmness. Luke’s waiting for an answer, cheeks red, scratching the back of his neck. He looks just as embarrassed as Yuuri feels by this conversation, although for very different reasons. Luke probably didn’t even guess that Yuuri sorta has a crush on him. He swallows, “You like my sister?”

“...yeah,” Luke mumbles, staring at his feet. “I know it’s super weird, to go around asking her little brother, but I didn’t realize you wouldn’t be coming anymore, and I hadn’t gotten up the courage to ask her, so I was just hoping - I’m sorry, this is terrible.”

Despite himself, Yuuri lets out a short giggle, “Yeah, a little.” He takes a deep breath, ignoring the slight pang in his chest. “But I’ll give you her number anyway.”

Luke beams at him, throwing an arm around his shoulders and rubbing their cheeks together in excitement, “That’s my boy!”

It still makes Yuuri feel slightly lightheaded, having him so close, touching. And yet, there’s many things Yuuri can deal with, but crushing on a guy who would like to date his sister is not one of them. He’s ordering Phichit to unfollow him on all social media and erasing him from his memory.

“Yep,” he mutters. “That’s me.”

He reconsiders. Phichit would probably get angry on Yuuri’s behalf, even if it was more of a hero-worship crush than anything else, and make a big deal out of it. He’ll tell Victor, instead, he decides. Just omit the part where he’s a skater and everything will be fine.

…

“Mom,” Victor says, in a very quiet, very controlled voice. She looks up from the book she’s reading, blinking. Her son is holding a letter, one of those that come with puppies stickers on the front and Yuuri Katsuki’s signature on the bottom. “Have you ever wanted to murder someone?”

fin

#victuuri #yoi #expomise #yuri on ice #fanfiction #expomise update #hp au