#very eventful. i dont even remember all of it. for better or for worse.

[problemcore]

very very scared

#turning 20 in less than 2 hours #im also very sleepy i dont actually know if i can stay awake until midnight #mmm too sleepy to gather my thoughts properly #man i havent journaled in a WHILE. i dont think i made a proper journal entry since.... june? #yikes. #this past year was. something. for sure. #very eventful. i dont even remember all of it. for better or for worse. #it was a very stressful and busy year. proud of myself for keeping it together for as long as i have #idk im not good at words. thats why i make playlists every year. #in fact this year was so. blahhhh. that i have two playlists . #anyway ive made an age playlist every year since i was seventeen. just became a very nice tradition. #i think i no longer miss who i was at age seventeen. #i think im ready to let that child go #and. become a young adult officially. or smth. #god i need a vegetable. im gonna go make me a salad. and then go shower or smth. i feel so icky. #chris out thank you for reading ✌️ #chris noises #misc

[midnight---hollow]

Ok i need to yap for a second

I love how well written and thought out the ipc is in honkai star rail. I feel in general we dont always get the best discussions about capitalism and giant corps because said giant corps are usually sponsoring or are creating them most of the time so there is usually bias. I just saw some of the boothill story lore leaks and im not gonna talk about them here cus leaks but it gave me real big appreciation for how the ipc is handled.

Im personally a real big fan of complicated situations in my fictional stories. Ever since mob psycho ive gained a new lens of trying to find sympathy and reason for any situation, keeping my own opinions and preferences while still understanding the other side. I feel star rail has done a great job at show casing the many sides of the ipc even if i for one really dont like the ipc and its my least favorite organization

(I feel i should also say this is an opinion piece and im not informed enough on the real life issues as i would like to be. I just want to yap my opinion out and express why i find joy in this and maybe even come back later with more research to make another post but with references and proof to explain why besides what i remember and like. If i do get anything wrong then please inform me cus i would like to learn more about this and plan to)

|Spoilers for basically all the ipc related things in hsr|

I started out hating them cus i just dont like capitalist corps and they just rubbed me the wrong way. When the arum alley event happen i was originally pissed at it because even though it was confirming my beliefs of “big corp bad” it felt cheap and like almost every other story told by a big corp trying to tell us big corps are bad. Yknow the “look at this obviously in the wrong guy dont be like him, look at him get his comeuppances in the end and ignore how we actually are alot more complicated and worse than this super evil and obvious example”

arum alley then did something i didnt expect. It gave nuance to the story. It started out with that obvious example yes but the next one wasnt that obvious, the next part of the event talked about how some workers feel they wont be able to sustain their lives as independent workers and feel they need to work for the big corps for a safe job and it started getting into the logistics of big corp vs independent business. Yeah we where fighting them but there where reasons and concerns and fears to be given. It wasnt just big corp bad it was “yeah big corp bad but here is why and here is also how its good” and it brings up the questions on what can be done so we dont need to rely on big corp

Topaz and her whole arc is another situation i find interesting. Topaz is a character i dont care to much about to be honest but i think she plays a good role in this whole ipc debacle. To me she feels like she represents someone who used the system because they needed to and made it work and flourished in the system. Her planet was basically unlivable and she lived in a capitalist waste that failed. In comes the ipc and they are almost what her world was but better for they offer to help and save them. All they need to do is sign their lives away to join the ipc and they did and their planet flourished because of it. Topaz herself was able to rise the ranks into being a cornerstone. I think her story shows both the light and dark of the ipc because they saved her planet but they only did it because it benefited them, if they didnt sign their lives away it is very likely topaz and everyone on her planet would have suffocated from the toxins and died. They had no choice but to join the system and its stated in game that topaz’s planet is one of the few that where able to be saved.

That’s probably what i like most about the playable ipc characters, it reminds us that these big corps arent just mustache twirling bad guys, it reminds us there are people there just trying to keep going and some of them are genuinely trying to do right and think what they are doing is right. Again topaz for example, she genuinely believes what she was doing was for the good of belabog. She saw a planet so similar to her own and i think she did what she thought was right and tried to help them (i dont think what she did was right but i can see where she comes from in thinking its right) i also think its showing that when she learned their was a way out for belabog that allowed them to not give their lives away to the ipc she gave in and stopped trying to convince them. She risked her own job security to allow them that right and because she didnt force an entire planet of innocent people who just got out of a horrible situation to sign their souls away (including the children mind you) she got demoted. Im not saying that she deserves a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum esp after she tried killing us, she is a rich, a conerstone, owns an exotic pet that she throws into battle and design her gun after, is a high member of said capitalist big corps, im just saying this is a very nuanced and interesting situation that i like to think about because there are so many thoughts and arguments

The whole belabog vs ipc thing was interesting in general for me because i think it was just such a good concept to bring forth the conversation of the goods and bads of big corps. Technically the ipc does have the right to want their century old debt repaid (ignoring the fact we later learned the robots where never used i think idk the end was confusing ngl) yet also at the same time we as people have a hard time siding with them when belabog didnt even know they where in debt because they where so isolated because of the stellaron and they just got out of the stellaron crisis and are trying to make their world habitable and yknow survive. We cant blame them for being unable to pay a humongous debt when these where the same people who stood in awe as march shower them a photo of their planet that she took while on the express. It creates a situation where yeah technically the giant corp has a right to take that money because its theirs but its still feels so cruel to make them have to cough it up right now with only a few days time. Belabog is basically forced to sign that deal because there is no way they could have payed that off they where doomed the moment topaz set foot on the planet. I remember talking to each of the people in belabog and getting their opinions on the matter and constantly having to rethink my stance because there where so many good points for why they should and so many for why they shouldnt. I can go on and on about this but this bit is already to long.

Aventurine!!! Aventurine aventurine oh where to start. Unlike topaz i actually like aventurine alot he is just such a well written character but we arent here to talk about how amazing him and the games writing is we are here to talk about the capitalist cooperation he is a cog in. Aventurine in a sense has a similar story to topaz but its more cruel and less happy. The ipc didnt save him, the ipc what going to arrest him and its thanks to his luck and a deal with the devil (or in this case a bet with a snake) that he was able to become aventurine.

I havent seen the writen stuff for him in his characters story because i dont have him but i will say from what i saw during the main story, something i question alot is what the ipc did during the avgin genocide. This might be a small tangent but the avgins said they had the support of the ipc. What happened that caused for the entire avgin civilization to be wiped out when they had the help of people with better weapons and armor and equipment. Apart of me is nihilistic enough to think the ipc didnt really care for saving the avgins and might have used the katakans attack as a way to know out the two groups that where causing them the most trouble but at the moment i dont know if theres anything supporting this theory so its just a crack theory

Aventurines spot in penacony is again interesting. Penacony is a prison planet of the ipc, that was taken over and turned into a party paradise thanks to the hamrony, family, and a stellaron. Aventurines goal was supposed to be to put penacony back in the ipcs control and to be honest i cant tell if thats his plan or not because of how crazy and confusing the story was (i loved it) but that being said it is another example how how grey ipc is. It isnt just a big bad corp there are people with lives and in avens case, people trying to gain their freedom with any risks necessary. I also think again the ipcs role in penacony is like belabog, very interesting, just for different reasons.

Penacony is based off America and in this case im assuming the ipc is their Britain. I feel like if you ask most people they would say that the ipc is the only group in penacony they hope fails (minus aventurine again i feel everyone wants aven to succeed even if we want ipc to fall) but i think the family being as grey as they are (basically a cult and also a representation of newer day amarica and its “its us or them” mentality in a way. I can make another yap ses about that lmao) adds an air of mystery and confusion on who we want to succeed since they are on two very different sides of the board so if one wins the other loses. It makes it feel like a fight of two big corps against each other and not really knowing who to support. Do you want to support the capitalist or the cult, pick your poison. We need the rest of penacony for me to go more in-depth on my opinion of ipc here and to rant but i can say its already making me question and argue both sides with what we have seen so far

That was fun for me. I havent ranted on tumblr in a long long time but hsr has been my recent hyperfixation and again boothill makes me crazy. While writing this is made me start to think about how much i wanted to talk about the hidden story of immigration i feel penacony is aso trying to tell. I think penacony is handling so many deep and interesting topics and im very excited for the next update. This has made me hyped to talk about the immigration stuff but i want to do reaserch and gain a proper strong stance besides “thats just my opinion.” I think this is an interesting topic and yapping about it made me want to do more reaserch on the topics of capitalism and big corps cus i hate them but i also think its important to know about it and understand there is more to the issue than just stingy old white rich people. I havent even gotten to jade yet. When we learn more about her imma have some words prob

Srry this was long but anyways cant wait till boothill comes out so i can get him and his light cone

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr ipc #ipc #hsr topaz #hsr aventurine #topaz #aventurine #boothill #midnight rants #long post

[sirenascales]

I want your love, I dont wanna be friends[18+]

You're the new assistant at Hawks Pro Hero Agency. So cute and shy. 🤭❤️ But you have got to stop doing this silly little dance with your boss and just make out already.

Hawks x PlusSize!F!Reader

9,566 words

cw: SMUT, nsfw, unprotected sex, a girl kisses you in this, brief mention of a domestic violence situation, hawks is too hot,

note: my first mha fic... dont even looooook at me bro jk pls enjoy

The first time you actually got to meet the Wing Hero, a villain had attacked a bank just as you were doing your usual weekend errands. The villain had some kind of explosion quirk, and you ended up getting caught in the blast, despite being a fair distance away. Everything was going by so fast, people yelling in the distance in panic and fear, loud sirens going off.

Your ears were ringing, body hurting as you slowly tried to at least sit up. Your skin stung with cuts, as you were hit with glass, though thankfully, none of the injuries seemed to be too serious. If anything, it was the blast and fall that hurt you the most.

Chaos was all around you, some pro heroes swooping in to apprehend the culprit. It seemed to be an easy catch, but you mainly tried to focus on getting up on your own two feet.

"Alright fella, it's no use fighting now. Here, take him in. I'm gonna look around to see if we still have any victims."

"You got it, boss!"

The voices seemed so far away, your head pounding as you managed to get to your feet, not even taking two steps until you were hit with an insane amount of nausea, your brain whirling as your vision blurred. You fell forward, expecting to hit the ground face first when you felt someone grab you.

"Whoa! Okay, I got you!" The male voice seemed so far away and you slowly turned your head to look at the owner. All you saw was blond hair, and magnificent red wings.

"Oh... you're Hawks," you slurred.

"Yeah, and you are concussed," he said rather seriously, gently guiding you towards a nearby ambulance. "You need to go to the hospital now."

"Hm... where are we? I feel sick..."

"Okay, here we go," Hawks said, a worried frown on his face as he handed you off to the paramedics. "She has a severe concussion and is bleeding from her head."

"Oh... am I...?"

It was all a blur after that, and you barely remembered the trip to the hospital. All you knew was that you had actually suffered a concussion and a few broken ribs, and that the adrenaline made you not feel the pain at all. They kept you for a few days until you were cleared to go home and recover.

Though, this couldn't have happened at a worse time. You were supposed to be starting your new job soon, but with you being broken, you had to fearfully send an email explaining the situation. They were, thankfully, very understanding. But of course they were, you were supposed to start work as an assistant at a pro hero agency.

Blinking, you sat back in your seat as realization had finally hit you, staring wide eyed at the signature of the person who replied to your email.

'Dear 'Reader',

I'm so sorry that you were caught up and injured in these recent events. We understand your predicament and will hold your place until you are ready to start and join our team.

Please feel better,

Keiko Watanabe, secretary of Hawks Pro Hero Agency'

Your mouth fell open. How could I you forget?! "Oh shit..."

♡♡♡

Three months had gone by, and you were adjusting well into your new job at the pro hero agency. You worked side by side with a beautiful girl named Keiko, running the clerical side of the agency and helping Hawks when he needed it.

Yeah, you worked at Hawk's agency, and sometimes directly with the man himself. Mostly in the form of going over messages, interview requests and other things with him while he was not on patrol. He was rather surprised to see you a few months back when you first started working there, but he welcomed you with open arms, as well as his sidekicks and the other office workers.

You and Keiko had become fast fast friends and were like peas in a pod, honestly. She was utterly gorgeous, with long, straight black hair and blunt bangs cut across her forehead. She was flirty and fun, but super hardworking and a great friend.

"You look hot today, girlfriend," you said as you sat at your desk this morning, eyeing the dress she wore. It was still tasteful for the office, but Keiko had legs for days. "Yummy."

"Oh shut up," Keiko waved you off with a laugh, giving you a look. "You don't look so bad yourself. Finally trying to take Hawks home with you?"

"Keiko!" you gasped, blushing and quickly looking around, hoping no one heard. "Shut up! That is not what I'm doing!"

"Uh huh," Keiko said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I didn't check the messages yet, can you do that while I go over this last incident report?"

You nodded, picking up the office phone and getting yourself ready to write down the messages that were left overnight. "Damn, six of them..."

They were just the usual stuff, plus one that had piqued your interest as you wrote it down. After you finished, you got up from your desk, ignoring Keiko wiggling her eyebrows at you as you made your way over to Hawks' office. He wasn't on patrol, and won't be for another hour.

"Sir," you started, knocking on his closed door. "I have something that could be important." You looked down at yourself, smoothing out your clothes. Of course Keiko was right; you wanted to look your best around Hawks. You wore a pretty skirt that fell just to your knee, and a top that you knew made your boobs look good with the perfect bra...

"Come in," Hawks called from behind his door and you nodded, taking a deep breath before you walked inside, taking in the man sitting behind his desk.

Of course you wanted to get his attention... look at him. He was beautiful, in a rugged way, with his messy blond locks and sexy facial hair. His goggles were on the desk, and his gold eyes were on you as you walked over to his desk. You swore they moved down your body for a quick second before he looked you in your face again. His large, red wings instantly drew your attention, them rustling slightly when the man tilted his head up a bit.

"What's up?" he drawled, his voice sending a shiver up your spine.

"Well," you started, fighting back a blush. "I was going through the messages and I got something interesting I think you might like." You smiled, sliding the note you wrote to him. "You will receive an official invite in a few weeks, but the Green Cross Foundation is hosting a charity ball in three months, and all proceeds will go to the children's hospital. You've been formally invited."

"...huh," was Hawks' only reply and your smile fell.

"... is this... bad?" you asked him unsurly and he quickly shook his head.

"No, no, it's not," he said, putting the note down and looking back at you, an easy smile growing on his face. "Thanks, this is definitely something I'm interested in."

You smiled back at him, feeling your face heat up. "No problem, sir! I'll just get back to my desk now." You turned and left the office, goosebumps forming on your skin as you felt a hard stare follow you out the door.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, with Hawks having gone out on his patrol hours ago. It was now time for the office to close and you and Keiko were just getting ready to leave when you realized something.

"Oh shoot, I felt my folder in Hawks' office," you said with a sigh. You shooed Keiko off to go ahead without you, making the quick trip to Hawks' empty office. You found your folder, taking a quick peek inside when you heard the office door creak open behind you. You let out a startled shriek, whipping around and finding Hawks' standing behind you looking surprised.

"Hawks!" You gasped. "You scared me!"

It took Hawks a moment, but when he found himself, he had the nerve to snicker behind his hand. "You're the one snooping around in my office, no wonder you're so jumpy."

Your jaw dropped and you scoffed. "I was not snooping. I left my folder!"

"Uh huh," Hawks just waved you off, grinning and you knew that he was just teasing. You huffed at him and he laughed again.

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry~" he drawled, and you realized he was holding a small box. "Here, I'll share my cupcake with you as a peace offering."

You blinked. "Cupcake...?"

"Yeah," Hawks answered, opening the box and revealing the most delicious looking chocolate cupcake in the world you've ever seen. "There's this awesome bakery along my beat, so I stop by from time to time. You don't mind if I use my hands?"

"No," you answered, shaking your head. "And I'm kinda upset that you never got us anything from this so-called amazing bakery. Not even a damn cookie?" You were both pretty much off the clock now, so you naturally went to talk with the man more casually. He didn't mind.

"Sorry, but I'm gatekeeping," Hawks answered with a smirk as he carefully used his fingers to break the cupcake in half. He got frosting on his thumb, and after he handed you your half, he sucked that thumb right into his mouth.

You gulped.

"Though, I will have to say, if you tell anyone about the bakery or this cupcake, I will have to fire you." Hawks grinned at you again, clearly joking and you shook your head at him, rolling your eyes.

"Yeah yeah, your secret is safe with me, bossman," you said, bringing the cupcake to your mouth before adding. "And Keiko."

Hawks snorted and you bit into the cupcake, immediately moaning at the chocolatey goodness that exploded in your mouth.

"Oh my goodness!" you exclaimed after swallowing, glancing over at a very satisfied looking Hawks. "This is amazing!"

"I told you!" He replied, watching you eat the rest of the cupcake before he ate his half. You had let out another very satisfied sound and Hawks had to take a deep breath.

"I'm going to find this place," you said and Hawks let out a short laugh.

"Not if I can help it," he shot back, glancing at you, his eyes doing a slow once over when you weren't looking.

"Well, I'm out of here," you said, turning back to him with a smile. "See you tomorrow! Thanks for the cupcake."

Hawks nodded. "Yeah, see you tomorrow, but wait up..."

"Huh?" you blinked when Hawks stepped to you, holding still when he lifted his hand up. With the same thumb he had licked the frosting off earlier he pressed it to the corner of your mouth.

"You have frosting here..." he then said softly, and your lips fell open as he used his thumb to wipe off the frosting. A shiver went down your spine, his thumb just grazing your bottom lip before he stepped back. You watched him hesitate, before he grabbed a napkin and wiped his thumb clean.

"Th-thank you..." you stuttered softly, very much aware of the heated tension in the office. Your lip tingled where he touched you, your heart pounding in your chest. Hawks looked at you, his gold eyes nearly pinning you in place as he stared right into mines.

"Have a good night..." he finished with your name.

You gulped and nodded. "Y-yeah..." And you turned and rushed out.

♡♡♡

"And you just turned and ran out of the room?" Keiko asked you the next morning after you two met in front of the agency doors. You told her about what had happened between you and Hawks the night before, and she was looking at you with her eyes narrowed. "Seriously?"

"What was I supposed to do?!" you whisper-hissed as you stepped inside the building.

"I dunno! Jump his bones?!"

"Shhhh!" you hissed at her, looking around the office before rushing to your desk. "There's no way. Besides, he's not into me."

"I could smack you right now," Keiko said, setting her stuff down. "From what you told me he did last night, he totally does have a thing for you."

You shook your head quickly, trying to ignore how hard your heart was pounding in your chest at the mere thought of Hawks possibly liking you. There was no way. "Nah, absolutely not."

"And why not?" Keiko demanded. "You're hot! Those thick thighs will make any sane man want you." You blushed deeply, looking down at yourself. It was a particularly hot day, so you decided to wear a cute sundress to work. You figured it was work appropriate, but when you are thick, a lot of leg tends to show.

"Sh-shut up," you mumbled, turning away from Keiko to face your work. Yesterday was just all in your head.

Keiko just narrowed her eyes at you, a deep pout on her face as she scoffed. She was going to prove it, one way or another. But the day went on smoothly, with Hawks starting out on patrol before he returned a few hours later, ready to do the more clerical work of his job. He was his usual friendly self with anyone...but you could tell that he purposefully wasn't looking at you. At all.

That had noticeably made you feel down for a while, and all Keiko could do was roll her eyes at the two of you. "I have to do everything around here..."

"Huh? What was that?"

"Nothing, babe."

"Hmm," you hummed, glancing over when Hawks walked by. He was out of his usual uniform, having showered after he returned. You really liked how he looked while dressed up as the hero he was, but his more casual looks were absolutely drool worthy. How he tried to kill you today? A simple get up of a pair of denim jeans, which fit him perfectly, by the way, and a white tshirt. He had on a simple gold chain and cool looking sneakers, and you had to fight not to ogle at him.

"He's so hot..." you mumbled and Keiko snorted.

"Don't I know it, honey..."

Work went on, and Keiko had to make some copies so you walked with her to the copy room as you chatted.

"I just... maybe he feels embarrassed? About what happened yesterday?" you said unsurely, and Keiko slammed her finger on the copy button.

"You are killing me. First you said it was all an imagination, and now you think he's embarrassed?" Keiko questioned you, totally exasperated.

"He won't look at me!"

"Because he likes you, fool! You don't see the way he looks at you when you're not looking."

"What? No he doesn't..."

"Ughh!" Keiko threw her head back and groaned, catching a glance of something in the corner of her eye and she smirked to herself. Bingo. "Do I have to prove it to you?"

You wrinkled your nose at her. "And how will you do that?" you asked, just before you were pressed against the closest wall. Keiko cupped your face, pressing her lips against yours in a kiss. Your eyes went wide, your heart skipping a bit as you stood there stunned, face heating up.

Keiko was a beautiful woman... you wouldn't mind being with someone like her but...

Your eyes closed halfway, your hand gently pressing against her hip, when someone walked into the copy room.

Hawks.

"Whoops! You caught us!" Keiko exclaimed as she quickly pulled away, covering her mouth with her hand as she giggled. You were still frozen as Keiko twirled her hair, while Hawks stood staring at you two with an unreadable expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, sir~" Keiko continued to speak, the pro hero turning almost robotically to face her.

"Keiko, please go and get in touch with News Seven, I'll have to postpone our interview." His voice was icy, not harboring any of the warmth it always had. You didn't like it at all, while Keiko just smiled to herself, a smug look on her face.

"Yes sir!"

Keiko left, leaving you with Hawks. You fidgeted a bit, feeling awkward as you tried to leave. "I-I was just... keeping her company."

"And that's the problem," Hawks retorted and ice ran in your veins. "You're here to work, not socialize."

"R-right..." you whispered, feeling like there was a pressure in your chest that made it hard to breathe. "I'm sorry."

And you scurried off back to your desk, ignoring Keiko completely as you sat down. "I hate you."

"He was totally jealous~," Keiko sang to you and you glared at her.

"He was mad."

"No, babe," Keiko started, just as Hawks stormed by, his fists tightly clenched at his sides. "He's jealous. He wants to be the one pressing you against the wall, kissing you breathless."

"I..." You stammered a bit, not knowing what to say. "I don't like when his voice gets cold like that..."

Keiko wiggled her eyebrows at you. "Maybe you should go warm him up, hehe~"

♡♡♡

You were going to puke. It was the end of shift, and on the days when Hawks ended his shift in the office, you two went over the messages that were left throughout the day. So here you were, clutching onto the slips of papers so hard, they were wrinkling up. But you took a deep breath after a while, knowing that you had to put on your big girl panties and do your job.

You knocked on Hawks' closed office door. "H-hey. It's time to go over the messages..."

"Yeah. Come in."

Hawks sat behind his desk, his gold eyes slowly going over your form until they landed on your face. His lips pulled down in a slight frown, noticing how you stared at the floor, nervously chewing on your bottom lip as you sat across from him.

"There's not much today, sir, so it'll be quick." You set the messages down on the desk, smoothing them out. Hawks raised an eyebrow.

"What the hell did those poor papers do to you?"

You let out a laugh. "Sorry. I was just nervous..."

Nervous? Hawks drew in his eyebrows, looking over you once again. Yeah... you were tense in the chair, fiddling with the papers while looking at anything other than him. Then he thought of what happened earlier at the copy room and he sighed.

He truly had no idea what had come over him. He had walked inside to see you pressed against the wall, Keiko's lips on yours. His vision had turned green then, jealousy burning in his chest as he registered what he saw. That was supposed to be him pressing you against the wall. The jealousy was bitter on his tongue as he spoke to you, voice ice cold.

He hated feeling that way, and he hated how his reaction then made you feel nervous just to be around him. He frowned and sighed again, his wings very slowly flapping up and down.

"Look, don't be nervous, okay?" he said, tapping his desk. "It's fine, water under the bridge. I want you to be comfortable here." With me.

You looked at him, finally, feeling your heart hammer as you took in his expression. He seemed serious, and he held your gaze firmly until you nodded slowly. "Okay... yeah."

He smiled. "Good. Now let's get to these messages." He grabbed the papers and looked them over at first, pausing a bit as he looked at you. "So Keiko... are you two...?"

"What?" You blinked a few times before you finally realized what he meant. "Oh, no! She's just my friend! She was just being a little turd."

Hawks barked out a laugh at that, setting the papers down. "I am glad to see her mischievous nature come back to her after being put through the ringer like she was."

Your eyebrows shot up and you tilted your head questionably. "Do you know about Taichi?"

Hawks nodded. "She told you about him too, huh?"

"Well, I just know that he was abusive..."

"Yeah, he was a real piece of work. She was working with me when she met him, and I thought everything was fine... then Keiko started to get more... reserved and detached. She was jumpy and just... wasn't herself." Hawks sighed deeply, rubbing his eyebrows and you squeezed your hands. "She called me one night. Taichi was losing his absolute mind and he would have killed her if I hadn't swooped in when I did."

Your mouth fell open as you stared at Hawks in awe. "You saved her..."

"Bah," Hawks waved you off. "That's my job. I protect the people who need it."

"Still," you said softly, smiling as you reached over and gently grabbed his hand. "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have my best friend. Thank you, Hawks, for protecting her."

You squeezed his hand, and he now stared at you in awe, and you swore, his cheeks had turned a slight dusting of pink. He cleared his throat, awkwardly grabbing the papers. "Anyways... let's do this..."

You giggled softly and nodded your head. It took no time at all to go over the messages, taking care of the responses and what not. Thirty minutes later, you were finishing up, ready to leave.

"So, if you and Keiko aren't together... Why the hell were you two making out in the copy room?" Hawks had to ask and your face went hot. How the hell would you explain this to him?!

"Well you see... we weren't making out..." you started, nervously twirling your thumbs. "She kissed me...."

Hawks raised an eyebrow. "O...kay?"

"She wanted to see if you would get jealous..." You had turned your back to him as you told him, knowing you wouldn't be able to face him. "But seeing as you didn't, and it's all water under the bridge, it's all good. Goodnight, Hawks!" You tried to leave quickly, grabbing the door handle. "I have tomorrow off, so I'll---" You tried to open the door, only to have a hand reach from behind you and slam it shut.

You gasped sharply, turning around to face Hawks. You stared straight at him, his sharp golden eyes freezing you on the spot. You gulped. "H-Hawks...?"

"Make me jealous?" he questioned and you gulped again, nodding.

"Y-yeah! Crazy, right?" you asked, forcing a laugh as you blindly reached for the door behind you again. You didn't realize that Hawks was slowly backing you up until your back hit the door and you gulped for a third time.

"And if I was jealous?" Hawks then asked and your breath hitched in your throat. "Then what?"

"I- I... what?" You replied dumbly, unable to move your eyes away from his. His stare was piercing, as if he could see into your soul, and you were honestly ready to bare it all. "No way. I'm just a stupid girl with a cloning quirk and you're... Hawks."

"Keigo," he said immediately and you looked at him confused. "When you're with me, you call me Keigo." He leaned in and you held your breath as he started to whisper in your ear, his voice having gone deep, and it sent shivers down your spine. "Do you think it's funny to make a man jealous like that?" He asked, ending with your name.

"N-no, of course not," you gasped out a reply. "I had no idea... that you would even feel that way..."

"Like I wanted to tear this whole fucking building down."

You gasped again, your breathing coming out in short pants as your heart raced, your skin tingling as his breath warmed against your ear as he spoke. He pulled back, taking in your flustered state, and his eyes darkened.

You had to say something. "P-Please don't tear the building down..."

Hawks smirked and scoffed lightly. "Duh. I haven't fucked you over my desk yet."

Then he stepped back away from you completely, turning away as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. Your legs felt weak.

"G'night. Enjoy your day off."

♡♡♡

A week has passed, and everything was normal. Work was normal, even the villains causing havoc were normal. It was like nothing had happened, and it was driving you absolutely crazy. You twirled your pen in your hand, aware of Keiko giggling in her desk beside you, because she was so entertained by your misery and suffering.

"I'm going to explode," you muttered and Keiko laughed. "How can he be so... so himself?! Like nothing happened?!"

"You are so cute," Keiko hummed, spinning in her chair. "You already know how the boss is. He doesn't let things get to him so easily."

"Yeah, except me getting kissed by anyone other than him, apparently," you said, rolling your eyes.

"Well, he is a man, right?"

"It's just not fair!" You whined. "He can say that, so casually and just go on like nothing, but a week later it still gets me weak in the knees, especially when I have to go into his office. Like.... ugh!" You let out a loud groan before allowing your head to hit the desk with a thump. You were losing your mind.

"Hmm, his desk looks sturdy too," Keiko commented and you could have cried.

"You're not helping!"

"Oh my God," Keiko laughed again at your misery. "You know what else it is? You totally need to get laid, sweetie. You're so strung out." You just groaned again. "It should be easy! You have someone that totally wants you!"

You blushed deeply at that, quickly shaking your head. "No way!" You exclaimed before leaning closer to whisper. You were at work, after all. "He's my boss."

"Which makes this even hotter," Keiko whispered back. "You want him just as bad. Just go for it."

"I... I can't!" You whispered again, shaking your head. "I'm too shy, I..."

"Ahh, so you want him to make the first move? To ravish you, huh?"

Your face burned even hotter at the word 'ravish', seeing as she was 100% right about that. Picturing Hawks coming in and just taking what he wanted from you... made your brain go haywire.

"I'm going to die."

"Not before you check the mail," Keiko said, just as the usual mail delivery man came waltzing into the lobby. You exchanged polite greetings as he handed you a thick pile of envelopes.

You sighed as you looked through them. Most of the mail was junk, until you came upon a rather fancy looking envelope. You stopped, looking at the return address before you stood up from the desk and went over to Hawks' office. You lifted your hand up to knock, stopping yourself with a curse as you suddenly remembered he was being interviewed. You put your hand down, just as the door opened.

"Oh," the man at the door said to you in surprise. He was the interview's assistant. "We just finished. Come inside."

Awkwardly, you stepped inside, finding Hawks talking with a rather pretty looking reporter. He was in his casual wear again, smiling pleasantly at the interviewer. She had hearts in her eyes.

"Thank you so much for taking time to do the interview, Keigo," she said, and Hawks face twitched ever so slightly at her using his name. "We have to do this again sometime? Maybe over drinks?" She put a hand on his arm casually and you blinked as he just looked at her, still smiling.

Your chest felt tight and suddenly, everything was green. Huh.

"Maybe we should," Hawks said easily, gesturing towards his door. "I don't mean to be rude, but my assistant and I have something to work on now."

"Oh, of course!" she said, batting her eyelashes. "Goodbye, Keigo!"

This time you twitched, watching as the reporter and her assistant walked out the office. You blinked a few times, forcing a smile as you faced Hawks, who just let out a very dramatic sigh as he plopped down on his seat.

"Thank fucking God."

"Was it that bad?" You asked as you sat down, surprisingly having not crumbled up the envelope.

"She's a good journalist and interviewer," Hawks answered, rubbing his eyebrows. "But she pushes the boundaries and it bugs me."

"Oh... like when she said your name?" You asked, your tone of voice taking on a slight edge. "She seems to really like you..."

You fiddled with the envelope, looking away from Hawks. He raises his eyebrow at you, any negative feelings he had towards the reporter now gone as he grew amused by you, and the clearly unhappy look on your face.

"Oh... now this is funny," he hummed and you looked at him confused.

"Huh? What is?"

"You're the one that's jealous this time," he said, now grinning as you blushed deeply, your mouth falling open in shock.

"N-no! I'm not!" you instantly denied, though deep down, you knew the truth that you were. Quickly, you slammed the envelope on the desk. "Th-that's from the Green Cross! That's your invitation to the charity ball."

And with that, you shot up to your feet and made a beeline towards the door. Though before you could read it, you were stopped in you tracks by one of Hawks' red feathers blocking your way. You watched it carefully, your breath shuddering softly as it floated to you and gently touched your face. It tickled.

"Now, now, sit back down. It's not fair that I had to bare all my feelings out that day, but you try to hide your own," Hawks said, his tone having a bit of a demand to it. His feather moved down to your chest, and with the strength of a full grown person, it pushed you back towards the chair you were just sitting on. You sat down immediately.

You huffed, the feather now soft again on your skin, it tickling the side of your neck. You twitched, frowning a bit before you huffed again. "Fine, I was jealous," you admitted, turning your head away.

"See? Was that so hard?" he asked, and he was clearly teasing you. You glared at him, making him laugh as he leaned back in his chair. He didn't even touch the envelope yet.

"Are you not going to open that?"

"I will eventually," he answered, tilting his head with a grin. "But let's talk about you being jealous."

Your face heated up considerably and you stuttered. "And so what if I was? I'm only human, so what if I don't like another woman touching the man I like?"

"Oh?" Hawks eyebrows rose and you cursed when you realized what you said. "I'm glad the feeling is mutual."

Your eyebrows rose this time, heart pounding in your chest. "W-well..." you coughed. "Hawks, I-"

"I told you to call me by my name."

"Keigo... I just... I dunno... you spent the whole week acting like nothing happened so... I dunno, I figured it was done with..."

Hawks sighed softly, standing up from his seat so he could circle his desk, sitting back against his desk beside you. He put his hands in his pockets. "Well, it was the best way for me to control myself, if I'm being honest," he started, looking down at you. You could feel his feather moving down to your chest. "Because if not, well... I may have made what I said a week ago into a reality."

Heat rushed through your body, a deep chill going down your spine and right between your legs. You let out a soft gasp, staring at his desk and thinking of all the possibilities. Your mouth opened and closed slowly, before you responded.

"It's not like I'll stop you..."

Hawks brought a hand up to his face, rubbing along his facial hair before he looked down at you again, his gold eyes piercing you deeper than you've ever thought before. You lost your breath.

"Stay after your shift today."

♡♡♡

You were going to puke. You paced back and forth in front of Hawks' office door, officially clocked out for the day and officially freaking the fuck out. He told you to stay after the shift was done... That could only mean one thing, right? With the tension and heat between you...

You knocked on the door, stepping inside when he answered shortly after. You smiled at him as you took him in, and he returned the smile and just about made your heart explode.

"Hey, what kind of food do you like?" he asked, scrolling through his phone. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

"Uh... Italian?" You answered unsurely. Hawks clicked around on his phone before putting it away.

"Perfect. Let's go," he said, standing up and quickly checking his jean pockets. He picked up a set of keys before walking towards the door.

"Uh, where are we going?" You asked, following him. He looked back at you and winked.

"Dinner, duh."

Your heart swelled in your chest. "Oh... cool."

You left the agency building, heading towards the parking garage next door, where you approached a rather nice looking black car. He unlocked the door, opening the passenger side door before gesturing to you to sit inside.

"Ma'am."

You laughed and playfully pushed him before climbing inside, Hawks sending you a winning smile before he climbed in the driver's seat, not wasting time before he pulled off out of the parking garage and into the streets.

"This restaurant makes really great food," he started after a moment, glancing over at you, raising his eyebrow at you when he caught you staring. "What?"

"I'm just trying to figure out how your wings fit in here," you answered, tilting your head. He laughed.

"I have my ways~"

"Uh huh," you said with a quirked eyebrow, looking out in front of you. Dinner with Hawks... that seemed quite nice, actually.

There was a comfortable silence as he drove, Hawks having turned up the radio. You bumped your head to the music, appreciating the chill vibe. It calmed you down.

Soon you arrived at the restaurant, Hawks quickly jogging around to open the door for you.

"Ma'am." He grinned at you and you snorted.

"Nerd."

The restaurant honestly looked... less impressive than you thought. Even the street we were on wasn't that busy, and looked a bit run down. You looked at Hawks questionably, and he just gestured towards the restaurant with his head, smiling big. "Don't judge a book by its cover."

"Okay, I'll follow you," you said, following Hawks inside. The inside didn't look any better, run down and dingy. Hawks nodded to a tired looking woman sitting at a rundown counter, not even waiting before walking to the back of the small establishment. He approached the large door, turning to put his hand on your back. He opened the door and gently pushed you through the door.

You were in awe of what you saw, your jaw falling open. The restaurant, in fact, wasn't just a small dingy place... it was attached to a rather extravagant restaurant, connected only with one door.

And the most amazing part, the patrons seemed to be only Pro Heroes.

"What is this...?" You asked in awe, Hawks talking with a hostess before she started to lead you through the tables.

"This is just a place for Pro Heroes to come and have some privacy," Hawks answered, looking back at you. "Who wouldn't like to eat a fancy Italian dinner without the paparazzi hovering over us?"

"Oh... that definitely makes sense," you said softly, looking around. The pro heroes were all dressed nicely, but seemed to be at ease as they ate and chatted with the people they've brought with them. "It looks nice."

"And the food is good too. Thank you." Hawks smiled at the hostess after she led you to a table far away from everyone. It was a small booth perfect for two people, and you sat across from each other.

"Well, I can't wait to try it," you said with an excited grin, picking up the menu. "Thank you, Hawks."

"I told you to call me by my name," Hawks said sharply and you blushed, biting your lip.

"Sorry, Keigo..."

Hawks sighed, taking a sip of water. "Don't worry. By the end of the night, my name will be the only thing you'll be able to say."

He even had the nerve to cast you a bright smile, all while your face heated up as you chugged down some water.

"I'll be looking forward to that..."

The rest of dinner went by smoothly, and you talked throughout the entire time. You told him more about yourself, how you ended up in Japan, and he talked more about his hero work. He didn't really talk a lot about himself, only surface level things... but you were sure you two could get to that stage... hopefully soon.

The food was delicious, and the dessert even better. You couldn't even keep in the satisfied moan that left your mouth as you took a bite of the richest chocolate cake you have ever tasted.

"This is so good. What is it with you and good cake?" You asked him playfully and he shrugged.

"I got good taste." He said, watching you happily eat the rest of your slice. A sense of calm washed over him, his eyes trained on your mouth as you licked off some chocolate icing off your lips. He took in a deep breath, calling over the waitress to ask for the check.

"Oh, I can pay for my meal," you suggested and Hawks just scoffed, pulling out his wallet.

"Don't even think about it." He handed the waitress a black card, ignoring the pout on your face.

A few minutes later, you were walking out of the restaurant and you stretched your arms above your head. "That was great, Keigo, thank you." You turned to him and smiled at him gratefully. "I really like it here."

A touch of pink dusted his cheeks and he coughed, his car beeping as he unlocked it. "Yeah, it's no problem. Get inside, we'll head back to my place now." He opened the passenger door and you froze, your mind whirling at 100mph. You weren't dumb, you knew exactly where this was going, especially with the many not so innocent comments he's made. Your skin started to tingle.

Hawks said your name and you looked at him, eyes wide. He stared back at you. "You good?"

"Y-Yeah," you managed to answer, climbing into the car. Hawks closed the door and went around to get into the driver's seat. A minute later, he drove off.

The tension was thick, your palms sweaty as you squeezed them in your lap. You glanced over at Hawks, and he looked very relaxed as he drove, his eyes trained on the road. He glanced at you, his lips curling up just a bit. "Nervous?" he asked.

"No!" You answered a bit too loudly and he chuckled softly, the sound going right to your pussy. You almost groaned.

"You're so damn cute," he hummed, just as he stopped at a red light. He turned his head to face you. "I can either take you back to your car, or go to my place," he said, his gold eyes keeping you rooted to the seat. "Make your pick. And know, once you do, that's it."

You gulped, staring at Hawks with your mouth fallen open. He was undeniably handsome, rugged and just fucking hot. God, you wanted him so badly, it almost hurt. You didn't know why you were hesitating so much, it was clear he wanted the same thing. What were you so scared of?

"I want to go home with you," you found yourself saying, and Hawks' mouth twitched just a bit. The light turned green and he started to drive again.

"Alright," he said cooly, staring ahead. Now the tension was really thick, Hawks' now laser focused. He had one hand on the steering wheel, the other falling to your bare, plush thigh. You had worn another dress to work today... and thank God you did because feeling his touch on your skin was phenomenal.

His hand felt rough, probably from all the work he's done over the years. It also felt strong... You pressed your lips together tightly, trying not to move too much in the seat as he drove.

Then he started to move his thumb back and forth and you could have died. You shivered, goosebumps forming on your skin. You stole a glance at him, and he was smirking to himself. You hated that he seemed so calm, while you were almost bursting at the seams.

You couldn't have gotten to his place fast enough. Hawks lived in a nice apartment building, with an attached parking garage. After parking, he led you to his apartment on the top floor, as cool as a cucumber as he led you from the elevator down the hall. It was maddening how he casually unlocked his door, gesturing for you to step in first before following behind you. You stood in the foyer, looking around as you slipped off your shoes. You heard the door close behind you, followed by the click of a lock.

The hairs stood up on the back of your neck, Hawks' presence behind you making your heart hammer. You could feel his breath on the back of your neck, feel his movement as he gently grabbed your arms, leaning in slightly to whisper in your ear. "Are you okay?"

You gulped and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay," you answered softly, keeping still as he slowly rubbed your arms up and down.

"You don't have to be nervous," he then said, grabbing your hand. He led you through his apartment, taking you to his bedroom. "I'll take care of you."

You audibly groaned at that, squeezing his hand tightly. "It's not fair," you whined. "You seem so unbothered while I feel like I'm going to burst out of my skin."

Hawks laughed at that, turning around to face you before he grabbed your hips. "Like I told you earlier, I have to control myself around you."

"And what if I don't want you to do that?" You asked him, body tingling as he pulled you close to him. You grabbed the front of his shirt, looking right at him. "I want you to just... let it go. I can handle it. I've been holding onto this heat for so long, it's driving me crazy..."

Hawks' gold eyes were growing darker by the second as you spoke, their gazes settling on your lips. "Yeah? You can handle it?"

"Yeah," you answered breathlessly, your bodies getting closer than ever. Hawks moved his face towards yours, eyes going from your lips to your heated eyes. He hesitated just before your lips could touch, and you were close to throwing a tantrum.

Until he did kiss you, and the world around you seemed to freeze as fire erupted inside of you. Your knees had gone weak, but Hawks easily held you up against him as he kissed you. It was a bit slow at first, hesitant and experimental, as if you two were trying to get a feel for each other. You breathed heavily when you pulled away, panting as you stared at each other, eyes blown and faces flushed.

The tension finally was enough to snap the cord, and the next kiss you shared was hot, feverish and full of the unspoken lust and need that festered between you. Hawks cupped your face in his hands, holding you still as he ravaged your mouth, easily pushing his tongue into it. You groaned deeply, trying to keep up with him, your arms wrapping around his neck.

Pulling away, he started to kiss down your neck, biting and sucking on the skin here and there, making you gasp and moan softly as you began to yank in his shirt. "More... I need more," you gasped, and Hawks grabbed your face, pressing another kiss to your lips.

"Then I'll give you more," he rasped out against your face before he stepped back, carefully removing his shirt so as not to disturb his wings. He tossed his shirt to the floor before grabbing you to kiss you again, this time pushing you towards his large bed. You sat down on the edge of it, looking up at Hawks when he cupped your chin in his hand.

"You're so pretty," he whispered, unashamed as he so openly ogled at you, your chest heaving, your legs bare as your dress had pushed up a bit when you sat down. "I've wanted you for a long fucking time. Having you work for me has been a blessing and a curse. I get to see that pretty face, but couldn't fuck you in the supply room like I've fantasized about."

His thumb had moved to rub on your lip and you grabbed his wrist as you sucked that thumb into your mouth. You licked it softly with your tongue, registering the words he said. They just made you even more turned on. "Well... I think I'm better than a fuck in the supply room," you started, gently kissing the palm of his hand before smiling. "At least be a gentleman and fuck me in the backseat of your car."

Hawks groaned loudly, rubbing his face as you started to rub on his chest, loving his tan skin and muscles. "You are going to kill me," he groaned again. "Lay down in the middle of the bed."

Nodding, you did so, pushing yourself back until you were lying down. It took a second for Hawks to join you, pushing himself between your legs on his knees. You couldn't help but blush as he rubbed on your legs and thighs, your dress now pushed all the way up, he could see your panties. He licked his lips slowly, spreading your legs open until he was able to see just exactly how turned on you were.

"Nooo," you whined, covering your face in embarrassment. "Don't look at me like that..."

"Ahh, come on babe," Hawks said with a laugh, and then you felt something soft wrap around both your wrists. Your wrists were then pinned down on either side of your head. "Don't hide your face from me." Hawks' feathers were pinning your wrists down. You shuddered in delight as you tried to free your wrists, and failed.

"Hawks..." you whispered softly, and he just sighed deeply, rubbing his face with one hand before dragging it down to cover his mouth, so only his narrow eyes were shown.

"I said, to only call me by my fucking name when you're with me." Then he leaned over until his mouth was pressed against your ear. "We'll just have to do something about that, won't we? I did say my name will be the only thing you'll be able to say, didn't I?"

You gulped, heart pounding with anticipation. You slowly licked your lips, breathing a bit heavily as you watched him pull back up on his knees, unbutton his pants before he started on getting your dress off.

Your wrists were free so you helped him, tossing the dress to the floor just as he pressed his face right against your bare chest. "God, your tits are perfect," he mumbled, cupping your breasts in his large hands. He started to leave kisses on your chest while he massaged them, making you moan as he would tease your nipples with his fingers.

Then he would pinch one, making you squeal from the pain, only for him to suck a nipple into his mouth to soothe it. You were a mess, running your fingers through his already messy hair and moaning as he continued to massage and lick your breasts. Soon, he started to slowly kiss down, squeezing your soft stomach as he kissed it, grabbing onto your thighs as he reached your panties.

He hooked his thumbs into your panties, pulling them down, and before you could cover your face again, his voice rang out.

"Hey, what did I say?"

Your hands fell to your side, and the next two words out of his mouth had you ascending into space.

"Good girl."

You whimpered, biting your lip as he finished pulling off your panties, leaving you completely naked. "Keigo, please..." you said softly, clenching the bedsheets. "I need you..."

"I know, babe," he answered, his gold eyes savoring every inch of your exposed body that was laid out so perfect for him. He rubbed at the tent in his pants, groaning at just how uncomfortable he was starting to feel just by how turned on he was. "God, I wanna fuck you so bad."

"Then do it!" You finally snapped. "God, Keigo, all this week I've just been wanting you to fuck my brains out, fold me like a fucking lawn chair and break me into a billion pieces." You were panting now, staring at the man with dark, heated eyes, your lips trembling. "So please, I want your cock before I fucking die."

...

"You know," he started after a beat of silence, getting off of the bed completely and you closed your eyes, almost dreading what he was going to say. You heard rustling and then the pad of his footsteps. "I wanted to take things a bit slow, ya know? It's our first time together. I wanted to eat you out, maybe have you suck my dick, get the juices flowin'."

Then, you felt a strong grip on your ankle and you yelped when you were suddenly pulled down to the edge of the bed. You pushed yourself up on your elbows, and Hawks was standing there, absolutely naked. Only thing he had on was his watch and gold chain. He slowly stroked his cock, and you almost drooled at the sight of it.

"But fuck that. You wanna get fucked? Fine by me, you've no idea how many times I fantasized about you screaming my name as I fucked this tight pussy of yours." He pressed his fingers against your clit, rubbing it in tight circles and making you cry out from the immediate pleasure as you fell on your back.

"We can start the romantic shit later. Right now, I'm claiming this pussy." He leaned over you, still rubbing on your clit while he kissed you hotly. You clung onto him for dear life, just his fingers making your mind go hazy as he slowly slipped two of them inside you. It felt so good, but it wasn't enough. You needed more of him. But he just slowly started to finger you, stretching his fingers, and the part of your brain that wasn't already fucked out was grateful he still wanted to take the time to get you ready for him.

Though it honestly didn't last long, since you pulled away from the kiss, which made him growl at you.

"Stay fucking still."

"Please, just fuck me..." you moaned softly, prepared to beg at this point. "Keigo, please..."

He groaned himself, pulling his fingers out of you. His eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head as he used his tongue to clean you off his fingers. "I definitely have to eat you out next time, my God..." he mumbled to himself, fixing himself between your legs with your ass pretty much hanging off the edge of the bed. "You ready? I'm gonna go right in."

You frantically nodded your head. "Yes, please! Keigo I ne- Oh fuck!" In one quick thrust, Hawks pushed his cock deep inside of you, your gasps coming out simultaneously before you cursed. Tears stung at your eyes from the stretch, your breaths coming out in pants as you adjusted to how full you felt. You loved it.

"So... fucking tight..." Hawks gasped, bracing himself up with his hands on either side of you. He looked down at you, taking in your teary, blissed out face and he leaned down, kissing you deeply. "You feel so fucking good..."

"...please..." you pleaded weakly. "I need you..."

"Shit..." Hawks cursed, slowly pulling back, making you both groan, before he pushed himself back in. He fucked you slowly at first, wanting you to adjust, but as he continued, his thrusts came faster, and had become stronger, your moans getting louder.

Words couldn't explain how amazing you felt, the drag of his heavy cock inside of you sending you to heaven, his breath would fan across your face, his cool chain rubbing on your chest with every thrust he made. Your entire body burned with desire, your hands weakly holding onto Hawks' sides as he continued to fuck you.

"Shit... God, what the fuck..." Hawks cursed and moaned, sweat forming on his forehead. He was in rapture, your tight walls squeezing around him driving him crazy. His hands clenched onto the bed sheets tightly, though his arms almost gave out when your hands slowly moved to a very, very, sensitive place.

His wings.

All you did was caress where his wings came out from his back when he froze, still inside you as his eyes glossed over, his mouth falling open in a strangled gasp. Blinking, you slowly stroked that same spot again, and you felt him twitch inside you, another strangled gasp leaving his mouth. It was when you did it a third time that he snatched both your wrists up with one hand, pinning them above your head as he growled in your face.

"You're going to kill me," he said, using his feathers to keep your wrists pinned down. Now free to use his hands, he grabbed your legs, pushing them up over his shoulders, your feet in the air as he started fucking you again. Hard. "God, your pussy is perfect,"

"Keigo..." you moaned his name, the new position making him fuck you deeper, harder. You were completely at his mercy now, him now spurred by whatever happened when you touched his wings. He was more fierce now, all grunts and growls as he drove his cock into you repeatedly, making you call out his name like a mantra as tears formed in your eyes from the pleasure. "Keigo, please... please, I'm gonna cum..."

You were almost there, the heat in your belly getting stronger. The bed was creaking, skin slapping against skin. Hawks grabbed you roughly by your hair, kissing you sloppily as he fucked into you again and again and again.

"C'mon babe, cum for me," he whispered against your lips, keeping his forehead pressed to yours, maintaining eye contact. You couldn't look away even if you wanted to. "Cum, I wanna feel your pussy squeeze around my dick."

"Keigo..."

"Fucking cum, baby. Scream my name and cum," he reached down with his free hand, roughly rubbing on your clit as he growled. "Fucking cum."

"Keigo!" You screamed out his name one more time before your vision turned white, your orgasm washing over you with a force that knocked the breath outta you. You clung onto him, breaking down into sobs as wave after wave of pleasure hit you from the top of your head down to your toes.

"Keigo... Keigo please..." you cried, Hawks still fucking into you through your orgasm.

"Yes... yes, baby, just like that. I'm gonna cum too..." He was breathless, his thrusts coming in frantic and messy. "Can I cum in you, baby? Fill that pussy up? I want you to milk me, baby, fuck, fuck, you feel so good."

"Yes! Yes please!" You cried, now hit with that strong over sensitivity but you didn't care, you wanted him to keep fucking you, and he did, until he finally hit his orgasm, blowing his load right inside of you as he let out a loud, gutteral moan. It was enough to make you cum a second time, and you swore you went to heaven for a moment.

Soon, you fell into a heap on the bed, and you wrapped your arms around Hawks, accepting his body weight on top of you. There was no better feeling in the world. But you knew you had to let go eventually, so you did and he rolled off of you after carefully pulling out.

"Are you okay?" he asked while lying down next to you, breathing heavily as he covered his eyes with his forearm.

"Hmm," you hummed softly, eyes closed as you regained your breath. "I'm absolutely wonderful..."

You cranked open an eye to look at him. Hawks had a lazy smile on his face, looking very satisfied. You yawned soon after and he just chuckled softly, pushing himself up. "Let's clean up and get to bed."

You nodded slowly, pausing when you felt him kiss your temple. "You should totally call into work tomorrow." From what you remembered, Hawks had off, but you still had to go do some office work.

But Hawks clearly had other plans. He smiled at you, his eyes still full of carnal heat and desire. "Because you're not leaving my bed at all."

-End

♡♡♡

#hawks x reader #hawks smut #mha x reader #mha smut #keigo takami smut #yeehaw #i wrote this in two days lmfao #enjoy it

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I didn’t let my friend bring their partner to social events?

We are all in our 30s and all trans/NB/queer. My friend (B) and I have known each other nearly 20 years, and over those years they’ve had a rough dating history. They’ve had several emotionally and mentally abusive or neglectful partners, further details about that I won’t give here. I’ve met most of them and they’ve always disliked me for various reasons (usually they were just jealous of the place I held in their life).

Recently though, B seems to have found someone who makes them happy (we’ll call them T) and T treats them better than their previous partners. Which is great! I’m happy for B. But I find T insufferable.

Granted, I don’t have to see T very often, but when I do its always uncomfortable.

The first time I met T they trauma dumped immediately. In the first half hour I knew all about their horrible family but couldn’t tell you any hobby or interest they had. We were in a very public place and I didn’t feel it was the most appropriate topic to get to know someone, but I tried to relate with my own stories all the same. However, T always had to “one up” every story I told. it felt like a “whose childhood was worse” competition.

The second time we all hung out T ignored me completely, really only hanging around and talking to B. Since it was B’s birthday I didn’t really mind at all. Plus, we were at a beercade so everyone was kinda off doing their own thing. But even when we all sat down they just kinda threw looks my way but didnt say a word to me.

But most recently I had hosted a halloween party (it was only 8 folks so tiny party) where B and T both showed up. When T asked me how work was going I started with what I felt was a normal “Ah yeah, it sucks but—” and before I could say anything else they spoke over me to say

“Yeah you’ve mentioned you hate your job every time I’ve seen you so thats sort of my only impression of you :/ ”

(a possibly important side note: B and T are both doing things that they enjoy but have to hustle a bit to make ends meet whereas I have a full time retail job through which i have insurance so leaving isnt as easy for me since I have more tied up in my job than just a paycheck)

This really pissed me off, as not only is being interrupted a huge pet peeve, but there are aspects of my job I enjoy. I just never got to talk about them because the conversation would either divert or we would just stop talking altogether. Also the way they came across felt pretty judgmental.

T then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening talking about everything from the movie to the snacks with therapy speak and trauma processing. (ex: I think I’m locked into this movie because it might’ve been a safe haven for me during my childhood and I just dont remember watching it but I can feel its importance to me) And only ever to B, never engaging with anyone else.

(another note: they are not the only one at the party with anxiety. two of my other friends have severe social anxiety and while maybe a little awkward were still able to hold casual conversations. no one was a stranger to anyone at the party)

This also meant that I didn’t get to spend any time with B during the party either, which was a shame cause I see them so rarely.

I understand that trauma processing is important and its great if you have someone in your life that can help you. It does not need to happen every where all the time. And I’m worried that B might be getting taken advantage of like they have in the past (in the sense that they have to do all the emotional legwork in the relationship and get very little of that effort back).

I’m tired of catering to this attitude and I don’t enjoy being around them, so I no longer want to involve them in group events I host.

would that make me an asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[anonzentimes]

how do people that dont immediately fall in love with nagitos character do it like chapter 1 he was so polite and nice i literally didnt wanna spend time with any other character, i caught on that nagito was responsible for SOMETHING before the first trial started and was genuenly so terrified he killed twogami cause i didnt want him to die, and then he had his breakdown and i was like yeah this is my favorite character in the entire series (i was still pissed at him for the rest of the trial lmfao

OH MY GOSH SAME!!! Like, everyone has a different experience, but as someone who loved him from day ONE I don't understand the experience of only eventually loving him lol. Even just people not loving his very existence and mannerisms is so different compared to me that I get confused! Finding him annoying sounds miserable I love him very much and not having him to hyper fixate on no, no, not having his impact on my life PERIOD would change my life drastically and I'd say for the worse. He's been so influential to so many parts of my life and continues to be such a fun brain worm consistently. I feel pity for those who can't experience the joy of his character and how happy he makes me, I know that there's no one with the exact impacts he's had on my life because he's so special to me.

At the time I saw Danganronpa 2 I was pretty depressed and every day felt the same, I was so miserable most of the time and was getting burnt out of life. I was loving Danganronpa though, I loved the first game and it gave me something to look forward to every day.

For Danganronpa 2 I had heard about Nagito, I knew he was popular but I didn't know why. I thought he'd be a major character so when he was just chill at first I was surprised. I was suspicious of him but that still didn't stop me from really liking him, my favorite from the first game was Makoto so his parallels and personality were really nice, fun, and interesting but I still was suspicious if there was more. When his breakdown happened my suspicion fell and instead of feeling conflicted and getting more suspicious it all made sense to me. He was so interesting and different, I loved everything about him and I wanted to understand him. It's kind of embarrassing but, it genuinely did help me at the time. After feeling as if every day felt the same in a weird helpless cycle my emotions about him were extreme enough that I loved that I was even feeling something which added to my love for him.

I saw the rest of Danganronpa 2 in 5 days because I was so invested and got a headache at Chapter 6, I cried at his death and it's the most I've cried at any specific media in recent years that I can remember lmao. I wanted to understand him more so I watched videos and read his wikis, I watched his free time events, I set him as all my profile pictures and wallpapers so I could have something that made me feel happy, I learned to draw him and his hair and he's all I wanted to draw which helped me improve, I joined the fandom early and met crucial people to my life before I finished the rest of the franchise because I loved him specifically so much, I got pinterest specifically so I could find more art of him, I read the komahina wiki just because I wanted to understand him more which led me to start shipping things that weren't strictly said to be canon, I discovered the term hyper fixations and realized I was neurodivergent because of him, like I could go on all day with the list of impacts on my life because of him but you get the point. He's still the most extreme hyper fixation I've ever experienced lmao. He's a special interest and I can say without a doubt that he still remains to be such a positive influence to my life. I'm grateful to experience such passion and happiness from something like him, haha! My love for his character STILL is helping my life even now by allowing me to practice articulating things about him, which has led to being able to get better at articulation in general, which has led to being better at english even having fun with it now and being less overwhelmed because I can express myself.

Oh my gosh I went on a yap sesh my bad LMAO!! But my point is, my experience with him is very specific and probably biased. But even so, I struggle to understand those who have such a different experience from me with him since I loved him from the start and my love only grew and has never stopped. I'm biased and I'm sure people have other interests that make them just as happy as he makes me, but I still feel sorry for those who don't experience what I do with him. But in the end one of the main beautiful things about media is subjectivity, so I'm okay being able to be so grateful for his existence and how it makes me feel.

Got a bit personal and sentimental with this since you struck something I was already thinking about when you sent this haha, sorry I said I agree in the longest way possible like it was a yapping content LMAO... thank you for your ask! <3

#my corny goofy ahh #cringe but free #embrace yourself #nagito komaeda #danganronpa #sdr2 nagito #danganronpa nagito #danganronpa komaeda #sdr2 komaeda #komaeda nagito #sdr2 #danganronpa goodbye despair #nagito #komaeda #sdr2 nagito komaeda #ramble #personal #hyper fixations #special interests #special interest #nagito ask #nagito asks #komaeda ask #komaeda asks #nagito dr #nagito dr2 #nagito komaeda is so dear to me and idgaf what anyone thinks of my love #komaeda sdr2 #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa spoilers

[glazemeda]

aster first of all congrats on 200 dear! you deserve those and many many more <3 your writing always puts me at ease and makes me super happy /gen 🥺💕 for your event, how about i, k, l, o, x for kazuha please? thank you so much and please dont overwork yourself! remember to take breaks, sleep enough and stay hydrated mwa!! 💗

note; tysm hori! i'll do something better, here you go, the full alphabet for the pretty samurai<3 tags; slight angst here and there, mostly cheesy and fluffy, not edited.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Kazuha is someone who enjoys being outside, even more with you by his side. He’d like to take trips with you, whenever you want to go, and he keeps those memories close to his heart. The memory of the sun caressing your skin so beautifully will be one he’ll think of when he needs inspiration.

But, your lover likes to be close to you no matter what you’re doing. If you prefer to stay inside, he’s okay with that, he should take a break from traveling sometimes, so he’ll stay with you, reading together or writing a sweet haiku for you. Quiet evenings where he can rest his head on your lap are his favorites.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Your lover can’t answer a question like that. Is there something not to admire about you? Is there something about you that isn’t beautiful? The answer to both of those questions is a no. He admires everything that makes you, you, be it bad or good.

Kazuha thinks you’re the very meaning of beautiful, you’re the most gorgeous sight in his eyes, your smile shines more than the sun, the red on your cheeks reminds him of the prettiest roses… Don’t ask him what he likes about you, unless you can listen to him for hours and don’t mind ending up with a completely red face.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He’ll stay by your side, leaving enough space as to not make it worse, and tell you that he’s there for you. If you’re alright with touch, the ronin will gently place his hand on your back or your arm, and encourage you to take slow, deep breaths.

One his fingers will softly repeat shapes on your skin, or gently tap with a certain rhythm to help you focus. Take your time, he’ll remind you, he won’t go anywhere. He’ll also encourage you to match his breathing, if doing it alone it’s difficult at that moment.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Kazuha focuses more on the present, rather than past or future. His dream is simple: to stay by your side and give you a reason to smile. He just wants to hold your hand, to have you in his arms, and kiss your lips.

He prefers to not think too much about the future, as many things could happen. He wants to enjoy your time together, right now, without caring about anything else. But of course, he hopes you’re still there, waiting for him to return from his travels, as years pass.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Right in the middle. Your lover is good at adapting, so if you want him to be more dominant or passive, he’s alright with both. You’re pretty equal most of the time, though, but it’s more of your personal preference.

Kazuha doesn’t mind that kind of thing, as long as your relationship goes well and the two of you enjoy being together. It may depend on the day, your mood, or any other factors.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Fights with Kazuha are extremely uncommon, as he makes a big effort to communicate with you and keep calm whenever there’s a disagreement. Unless it’s something really serious, he’ll most likely forgive you rather easily if you’re honest when you apologize.

If it’s something more… personal, something that deeply hurt him, it’ll take time. If you’re sincere about regretting what you said and what happened, he’ll end up forgiving you, but it mostly depends on you.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Your lover is so grateful for you, and he makes sure to show it. He appreciates how you wait for him to come back to you, how you trust him to do so, and how you help him during his weakest moments.

Kazuha is well aware of what you do for him, and he tries to do the same for you. After a long journey, you’re always there for him, you help him relax and listen to him as he talks about his trip. You look at him like he’s your whole world, and you’re his.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

In the beginning, there are things Kazuha prefers to keep for himself. Not because he doesn’t trust you, he loves you dearly and trusts you with his life, but he needs time to organize his thoughts and feelings before he opens up.

Slowly but surely, he’ll tell you everything about himself, hoping that you’ll do the same. He’ll talk about his childhood, his family, his friend, his most difficult experiences… He wants you to know him, especially if he thinks about proposing to you.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Kazuha didn’t change much on the outside, but inside, you were able to make his worst memories go away. Thanks to you, he finds it easier to remember his friend with a bittersweet smile, wondering if he would be happy to know that Kazuha found someone as wonderful as you.

You help him during his worst moments, making him feel safe and warm. He has someone’s shoulder to cry on when he can’t continue bottling his feelings. You helped him realize that he doesn’t have to hold in the tears all the time, and he’s forever grateful to you.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Jealousy and Kazuha in the same sentence is a strange occurrence. Your lover trusts you a lot, and knows that you wouldn’t betray him in any way. Besides, he knows how to control his temper and doesn’t let any intrusive thoughts blind him.

But, if someone is going too far and touching you without your consent, even though you’re clearly uncomfortable and trying to get away, he won’t hesitate to step in. He won’t resort to violence, unless it’s self-defense, he’d rather walk away with you. You’ll notice your lover is a bit more touchy than usual, and if you ask him, he’ll admit that he felt a little jealous. The pink on his cheeks is adorable.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He’s definitely a good kisser, he takes his time and makes sure that you enjoy it as much as he does! Kazuha usually gives you a small sign when he wants to kiss you, especially in public, be it a simple glance or playing with your fingers until you realize what he wants to do.

The first kiss you shared was nothing short from one from a fairy tale or a poem. His lips gently touched yours, moving slowly as his hand caressed your cheek. It wasn’t a long kiss, even if he yearned to claim your lips again and again… he feared that, if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from stealing kiss after kiss.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It would depend on where you are and your own preferences. Still, he would take you out on a date, visiting places he knows you enjoy, then asking you to stop for a minute before you go back home.

Kazuha would gently hold your hand in his, slowly intertwining your fingers. His touch is loose enough for you to step back if you wanted to, but of course you didn’t. He’ll tell you about his feelings, about how his heart beats faster when you’re around, and about how you’re in his mind whenever he sees something beautiful… He can wait for your answer, just as you wait for him to come back every time.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He wants to spend the rest of his life with you, married or not. Kazuha will bring up the topic with you first to know your preferences before he does anything. If you want to get married, he won’t doubt.

He’ll propose to you with the sweetest poem you’ve ever heard, every word full of love and wonder. He’d like a nice wedding, inviting your family and close friends. It may get a little rowdy with Beidou and her crew, but it’ll be a really fun and wonderful event!

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Oh, Kazuha uses the loveliest nicknames for you. Dove, my love, beloved, dear, darling, maple leave, my heart, flower, my breeze… There are so many, and even more, but he can’t help him when every nickname comes from his heart.

He’ll watch your reaction to every single one. The ones that make you react the most will be kept for private, or moments when he wants to tease you a little bit, while the other can be used in public as long as you’re alright with it.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Anyone who has known him for at least a day can see how smitten this man is with you. He’s surprisingly obvious, as some had expected him to not change much after falling in love. The samurai is pretty good at keeping a kind smile on his face and look calm all the time… but he’s not exactly subtle when he stares at you from afar.

Kazuha writes about you. There are so many poems, haikus and even letters about his feelings for you in his room. Each of them are full of love, making clear just how wonderful you are and how much he wishes to be by your side. Some of them express how he dreams of holding your hand as you watch the sunset together. Maybe, he’ll be able to show them to you one day.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Bold of you to think Kazuha wouldn’t tell anyone who’s willing to listen about how wonderful you are. There are times when Beidou even tries to avoid the ronin because she’s too tired to listen to him talk for hours about you.

He isn’t shy at all, he’s happy to be your boyfriend and won’t ever reject a kiss from you, no matter who’s in front of him. His cheeks will turn a pretty pink, his smile even softer as he watches you go after leaving a peck on his lips. Then, he’ll continue talking like nothing happened, ignoring any looks from others.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He’s a really good cook. Kazuha can make delicious dishes without many ingredients, and even the simplest recipes taste like a delicacy. If you’re traveling with him, you’ll stare as he prepares everything for your meal. For some reason, it’s hypnotizing.

And he loves to cook for you! If you’re tired or simply don’t want to cook, leave it to him. There’s nothing better than arriving home to see your boyfriend in the kitchen with a cute apron on, a gentle smile on his lips as he tells you to sit at the table while he finishes with the food. It’s your favorite dish, and it tastes better than usual, all thanks to your lover.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

There’s no doubt that Kazuha is a romantic man, he enjoys the soft touches, kissing your hand, whispering promises of love in your ear… He’d do many things to make you happy, just say the word, and the ronin will give his all.

He likes to be creative with the haikus he writes for you, searching for the most beautiful metaphors to try and describe your beauty, although he knows that no words can do so. He does enjoy romantic clichés though, if it makes you smile or blush, it’s good.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Your lover supports you a lot! He believes in you, don’t even doubt it. Kazuha knows you’ll achieve your goals, and even if you don’t, he’s there for you. Sometimes, it’s not the right time, but don’t let failure blind you.

He’ll be there to help you when you need it, and he’ll tell you how brave and wonderful you are. Try your best, and even if it’s not enough, it will some day if you keep trying. He’ll stay with you in every step of the way, and he’ll offer you a hand if you ever fall.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

While he enjoys to try different things, he’s also okay with a routine. Kazuha would like to take a few trips with you from time to time, maybe take you to a place he found in one of his travels and thought you’d like it too.

Still, a routine is comforting. After wandering, having to keep his guard up to avoid any nasty surprises, a routine is a nice break, especially if it’s with you. It’s domestic, sweet and makes his chest feel warm.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Sometimes you wonder if Kazuha knows you better than yourself. He learned about your quirks and how to read your mood without you saying a word, he knows what to do when you’re upset, how to push your buttons and how to make you melt against him with a simple kiss.

If you’re upset, he can’t help but worry. If you’re crying, his chest hurts, and he wants nothing more than hold you in his arms and comfort you. If you smile, no matter how bad his day was, it’ll feel like the rainy clouds disappeared to let the sun shine. So, yes, he’s pretty empathetic when it comes to you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship is one of the most important things in his life, along with his freedom to wander and the close friends he found. It’s difficult to explain how important it is for him, but you have a permanent place in his heart.

Every morning, he wakes up wishing to see your sleeping face beside him, or find you close with a smile. When he travels, you rarely leave his thoughts, and he’s excited to go back home, to go back to you, and tell you about everything.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Kazuha lets you do whatever you want with his hair. Feel free to try any hairstyles on him, he won’t complain if he ends up with a pair of pigtails. He loves when you run your hands through his hair, and he might fall asleep after a while.

When he’s feeling down, he’ll plop down on your lap. His hair is down, snowy locks falling on his face, waiting for your warm, loving hand. It’s quiet, and with every caress from you he can feel his worries disappear.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

As long as you’re okay with it, Kazuha is pretty affectionate! He isn’t exactly handsy, but he just loves to hold your hand when you’re walking side by side. Feel free to put your hands on his arm even, he finds it cute.

But yes, he loves to kiss and cuddle with you. Every touch from you makes his heart jump and he has the sweetest smile on his face. He’s addicted to your lips, and doesn’t even try to hide it when he chases after them whenever you kiss him. He can write so many poems about how your touch feels like home, how your body fits so perfectly against his… He loves you so much, and he wants to show you in all the ways he can.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He writes. Haikus, poems, letters, anything. If he finds something beautiful, be it a flower or even a place, he’ll try to compare it to your beauty. A pretty red flower for the color of your cheeks, a warm drink for the warmth in his chest when he’s with you.

He’ll send you those letters, even if they’re a bit messy. Those are his thoughts, that way you’ll be aware that he’s still thinking about you, even if you’re far away from the other. Some nights, Kazuha looks up at the night sky, wondering if you’re also looking at the moon and thinking of him.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He’s willing to fight for you, to defend you, and give his all for you to stay by his side. If there’s something threatening your relationship, Kazuha will try to find a way to deal with it. He doesn’t have many limits when it comes to this.

If you want to stay by his side, he won’t hesitate to fight for you. He won’t lose you, not unless you wish to leave him. He won’t let anyone or anything take someone dear to him, not again, he promises to protect you with his life.

glazemeda 2022

#genshin x reader #kazuha x reader #kazuha fluff #kazuha x you #200 followers fluff event

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

nanshe fest anon here, haha let me invent a callsign .... how about Rio :)

i totally relate to what you mean when you said you are not able to distinguish between the "lesbian" and bisexual experience shared in that interview. things like this hindered my ability to understand what my sexuality even was, since i cant relate to either of them. then i read "lesbian books" and dont understand how they can have sex with men without a mental breakdown. i had a mental breakdown about my sexuality when i was pressured to marry, tried DIY conversion therapy on myself but when i faced with the option of even touching a man sexually, death seemed better because how could i live like that? theres no way. of course this made my mental health worse but not to trauma dump - i am ok now, so dont worry.

the anon who talked about strap ons was also very insightful. the focus on strap-on contributed to me developing a severe sense of dysphoria around my genitalia with this depression that i would never be able to have a "real" sex life.

this is why it is so important for lesbian experiences to be heard, i think the queer spaces are making things worse for us, particularly when we are young and vulnerable. also i am from a non-english speaking country, where homosexuality is still criminal so i could only turn to these spaces for support. i think even in countries such as the US, its the same for a lot of lesbian girls in rural towns... they turn to these spaces for help online since its so scary to be a child in a violent homophobic family. maybe they get helped because its worse than nothing. but also it can screw with ur mind a lot. my dream lesbian event would be to hear from more lesbians of color who grew up outside west europe/us/canada... i had to leave my birth country to be able to have a future. but i feel so awkward to be the only lesbian of color in the room 99% of the time. its not that the white women are cruel, dont misunderstand me, they can be lovely and supportive. but it adds an extra level of alienation, because so many times in my country people would call homosexuality as a white persons invention. of course i know that lesbians exist elsewhere but it would be nice to see that in person at these events!

-rio

Hi again, Rio! :D

Yeah it's messed up that even in the "lesbian community" we think we're freaks so we don't even dare talking about our experience! I grew up in a small town and I remember discreetly reading sex ed books for teens at the bookshop for any info or positivity about lesbians, instead I would only find a paragraph telling me it's a phase. So tumblr was my lesbian safe space back in 2010, for example the "it gets better" campaign really helped me when I was bullied in high-school (unfortunately now that charity pretends they have no idea what a lesbian is...) Now the lesbian content is awful and lesbophobic everywhere, offline and online.

And I feel you about lesbian books, I finally got around to reading one I bought years ago because it was recommended to me and it was about two "lesbians" leaving their husbands for each other... We need book lists with actual lesbian rep!

All the strap-on stuff invading lesbian spaces is so weird yeah... A few minutes ago I clicked on a blog because she was talking about wanting to finger a woman while having acrylic nails, which made me go 🤨 and while she called herself a lesbian, it was obvious she wasn't, it was all talk about c*ckwarming and deepthr*ating ("but it's only for strap and girlc*ck, if you're a man do not interact!!!!" 🤪) I don't know if you had sex already but let me tell you that you are not lacking anything and no real lesbian will think you need a sex toy to be a complete partner and have real sex, she will only want you as you are. I mean, my ex-gf and I never even considered trying a strap-on and we definitely thought the sex we were having was real and amazing haha

About meeting lesbians of color, maybe you can find events on Instagram? I wondered why I never saw many women of color at lesbian events in Paris until I learned that black women preferred creating their own events and advertising them on Insta! Maybe you can also find an organization for LGBT refugees? Hopefully you can meet lesbians there :)

[scover-va]

I love your fnaf stuff so much! And I'm very sorry if you've already covered most of this, but like- any more details on Michael post-scooping? Idc whether that be how to fits in publicly (if even possibly lol), relationships he builds, his mentality, or just important events you planned for him after the scooping! Idc if it's even an AU you have, I just love how you write Michael and would love to hear more of anything! :)

cracks my fucking knuckles oh BABEY ok this is going under a read more because i know damn well this is gonna be multiple paragraphs long. Ty anon, michael afton is my favourite topic ever

Okay so, something important to note here is that even if I choose to ignore all of Dittophobia, my au still does have Sister Location occurring after FNAF 1 - Specifically late December, so like. A month after fnaf 1. It ALSO coincides with the fnaf 3 minigames that lead up to William's death. That's a longass discussion all in itself tho so I'll probably make a follow up post on that if requested

But! Post-Scoop Mike! During the time period of Ennard inhabiting his body he was essentially unconscious for the entire ordeal. Like. Yknow how majority of the ghosts are kinda lacking some level of awareness while in the suits? Yeah. Michael doesn't really remember it, but he still remembers the time passing, so it's not just. Like. Dying on the scooping room floor, then BAM! Alive on the sidewalk. It's sorta like. Yknow those movie/show/game cutscenes where everything's vague and blurry and slow-motion and the audio is funky. Like that

When he DID get his body back, for a few minutes it was sorta like. He was back to full awareness. Noticed he could see things, and that his limbs felt heavy, and that he could hear a mix of ringing and the "You won't die" line and flies buzzing around him. The sunlight felt too bright. You know when you take one of those naps that severely fucks you up, and because of that you wake up half-numb, dizzy, and disoriented? Now imagine that but a million times worse. He's in pain everywhere, his senses are readjusting, he knows he shouldn't be able to see or hear or speak but he can do those things anyway. And he can tell that despite it being a bright, sunny day, no one's coming to his aid. So he forces himself up and painfully stumbles home.

Now, well my timeline of events between SL and 3 is a bit vague, I do have the important stuff down. He gets home, and despite not having been allowed to contact his mom since late '86 (this is important and relevant guys i prommy) and having been told she was dead, he called her anyway. Long story short, one phone call later and also lots of general, messy emotional stuff, Michael. Left the state of Utah as a whole and went and lived with his mom over in California. Because of the whole being dead thing, he did kinda unfortunately sever ties with Jeremy and Henry (aka the only two living people left he even spoke to, besides William but he's a week dead by now), but like. He wasn't really sure how he could approach those situations. A guy who's lost a bunch of cognitive and motor abilities, and a man who fell into a deep depression after his daughter's death. Michael kinda saw telling them as like. I dont really have the word for it, but he saw abandonment as the better option. Figured it'd hurt them less

When it came to fitting into public, it was essentially the same as how he blends in during fnaf 6, just with MUCH darker clothes. He likely did hide away for a while, refusing to go outside, but started slowly readjusting. He didn’t make any bonds while there (unless his mom’s adoptive parents count), mostly keeping to himself. He worked, but it was always nightshift jobs where no one else would be around.

Luckily, his hygiene has gotten MUCH better! Due to being a rotten corpse, he tends to start smelling bad and being a general safety hazard rather quickly, so typically he’ll do a thorough shower in the morning, and then another quick shower at night, just to be safe. And also he wears perfume, to avoid a smell building up. Just to be safe.

About 10 years (ish. I picked a general number so I didn’t have to pinpoint exact timing) into his 30 year disappearance, his mom does unfortunately pass. Lung cancer, turns out smoking a shit ton out of grief is a bad idea. Better than the murders, probably. It was very much so a rough time for Mike, given being in and out of a hospital (bad memories from Evan’s death and Jeremy’s near-death kept him in a constant state of anxiety during this time, not to mention those events already made him plenty anxious, paranoid, and overall jumpy when in hospitals) and then the eventual death. That’s when his goal to hunt down his dad kinda went into full swing. Because, well, that last sorta tether just snapped, so now he’s far more goal oriented.

It was probably full of him following small leads. Contacting some distant relatives of his, contacting his father’s old business partners - he kinda tried to procrastinate going back to Utah (specifically Hurricane) for as long as possible. But then news about Fazbear Frights came around, and the return kiiiinda became inevitable. Because unfortunately, it was a damn good lead. Also, once again, Michael remains friendless in this time. Outside of any possible employers or the people he contacted, he hasn’t actually properly, freely spoken to anyone since his mom or grandparents. And he kinda cut ties with his grandparents out of guilt after his mom passed.

And Fazbear Frights is. Interesting! Because as he’s used to, he has to go in to meet his employer! But what he’s not used to is seeing his estranged kinda-cousin-kinda-brother whom he hasn’t seen since they were, like, 14. Aka Sammy. It’s an incredibly awkward experience all around, despite them both having somewhat similar goals. They agree to pretend not to know each other.

Work goes, well, as it pretty much does in game. Nothing special. Probably some panic and resurfacing trauma on night 2. Anyways the fire! That’s the important part!

As one would expect, Michael was quick to get out of the fire. Wasn’t exactly hard to set it - the place is old and dirty and fucking *moldy* - he just tossed a half-smoked cigarette at some loose oil or something and the bitch was ablaze.

William (slash springtrap but im just saying william for simplicity’s sake) caught him in one of the hallways. And had the fucking *audacity* to try and plead with Michael to help him out of the building. And the kicker is that if it weren’t for survival instincts kicking in and causing Michael to topple William over and crush Will’s arm with an arcade machine to keep him down long enough for a quick escape, it would’ve worked. Michael is. Uh. Very emotionally and mentally vulnerable.

A couple years pass after that, before a new Freddy’s place opens, needing someone to run it. Michael does have experience business-wise thanks to watching and learning from his dad as a kid, so it couldn’t be *that* hard, right? He applied under a fake name, got himself all disguised and whatnot, and headed in!

Michael Afton’s Emily Family Reunion Counter: 2

It did take a few minutes for the recognition to actually happen. But. Yeah it was a lil awkward. Considering Michael’s very silent and very sudden exit 32 years ago. Oh yeah also i have fnaf 6 taking place over more than just a week, stretches out from about 2025-2026. No specifics, just a general span of time. Feels more realistic to me, idk. I get the 1 week thing for gameplay/continuity reasons, but hey! This is just an au! I can do whatever shit I please!

And Iiii! Still need to actually flesh out the fnaf 6 stuff beyond my silly lil jokes. Uhh, I think majority of the stuff gets covered here? Feel free to ask further questions on anything, im more than happy to talk about it :-)

#HAUGH this is long #scov.txt #fnaf #fnaf: hauntings of the past au #michael afton #michael is. such a comfort character of mine. oh my god #so yknow. always happy to talk abt him #(send more asks. please) /jj #fuck. *hj #i can type guys i swear (lying)

[spatio-rift]

rating kidous father figures

his dead dad: was overseas so often for his job that kidou remembers his first 6 years of life as being just haruna and him. so little presence at home that there wasnt a single family photo or personal belonging that kidou and haruna could have kept as a memento after their parents death. the only way kidou can feel close to him is through a soccer magazine he owned, but he doesnt actually know if his dad was interested in soccer. youd think with him out of the picture so early in his life hed get at least some points if only bc we dont really know anything about him but kidou cant have nice things. 0/10

his alive dad mr kidou: left kageyama to raise him. his only presence in kidous life pre-football frontier debacle was to put pressure on him to be the perfect son and heir and parade him around at fancy zaibatsu events. couldnt even allow his son one (1) interest, he had to be convinced that letting him play soccer could be beneficial for the zaibatsu by kageyama. did not see any issue with making his sons estranged sister a prize to be won. i will give him a single point because he apologized and is genuinely trying to be a better dad to kidou now. 1/10

kageyama: we all watched the show. does not even see kidou as a person. somehow never apologized to him even after having a massive change of heart because kidou somehow found it in himself to want to help him after everything. even had the gall to go and get killed before he and kidou could have a proper, private discussion about Everything. 0/10

hakamada: i genuinely believe hes the only reason kidou turned out relatively okay. cares a lot about him, cooks with him, is close enough with him to be teasing, worries about him, attends events important to kidou when his dad is too busy to come like the FF finals.... this man raised him. 10/10

kyougoku: if you dont know him this is his kingcraft tutor. as stern and uptight as he looks hes actually incredibly supportive of kidous endeavors, perceptive of his emotional state and understanding enough to end lessons early if kidou seems upset or tired with absolutely no hard feelings. he just overall seems to think very highly of kidou and want the best for him which i very much appreciate. this man comes over for like 2 hours every other evening but hes already much better than his dad. 10/10

kudou: while i understand that hes got reasons for his grouchiness i just think kidous already had to act as the middle man between the team and an uncommunicative coach enough for a lifetime. i cant forgive that he knew about kidous relationship with kageyama, saw how badly kageyama being on the island was affecting him, and just told him to fuck off if he wasnt gonna focus on practice. cant get worse than kageyama though, and he seems reasonable enough in ares that im willing to give him a 5/10.

#inzm

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

#answers

[girlwithfish]

tr*uma is so weird. its similar to how id forget most of the Bad years when i was a teenager and my mom was the worst person in my head to me for yrs.. like the critical voice the person who brought me down, i thought she hated me, the way she raised us was by being mean and i did not view her as an emotionally safe person at all and the way i learned to process emotions and conflict was by Not processing it during these years where nothing was ever talked about, no apologies, if u get yelled at u dont talk back, if u cry youre weak or manipulative or trying to be pitied, stuff like that and even when i talk abt it now it almsot feels as if it didnt happen bc it was a while ago and i blocked that part of my pivotal yrs in adolescence out bc it doesnt serve me and i accepted the past and all. but when i think back on it i dont remember much of it anymore its just like a bad dream u dont remember rhe details, maybe some significant events i remember like a couple fights or past memories but not too much i just remember like that it happened bc ive talked abt it or bc i used to talk to my friends abt it or complain abt it online ik it happened but it almost doesnt feel like it did and i cant actually remember very well and its like i only know it happened bc i know i had that dream? but no details or only vague plot points and i remember residual feelings but its very hazy. i think its better that way in a way bc it doesnt hurt as much anymore but it used to fuck me up when i was younger and trying to process how i grew up and the relationship w my mother n shit and idk i still feel weird abt it but its not the biggest problem in my life rn

but its similar to how i think abt traumatic things w my ex i know they happened since its a little more fresh theres a handful of specific memories i can recount like 60% of what happened but ofc small details or every single thing said or done i dnt remember all of it and theres probably a lot of stuff my brain has forgotten or locked away and that kind of scares me. bc there was so much chaos and suffering in an unsustainable environment where i was constantly in crisis mode and my mental health at its worse i know i was slowly dying being boiled alive and i remember some stuff like all those specific things ive bitched abt on here i hold onto bc i dont want to forget bc itll freak me out if i do. and ik theres more i have forgotten which makes me feel weird. cuz i question myself and feel less valid when my memory cant retain every detail and i question if it even happened. idk does this make sense

[rinbowaman]

has yn (yes yn) ever tried to dom hee? cuz ofc heethan is the more dominant one but still.....i think he would like "omg ure so cute" rightttt or maybe would he give it a shot ?? :)))))))))))))))

Oh love...hehehehehe you actually kind of literally defined the "Jealous" one shot. did you read that? bc if you havent, man you have some premonition talent that you should look into expanding.

I would say the closest that that's ever happened, was in "Jealous" drabble which is a side event that takes place during HHP arc.

Also, the closest that y/n got, which wasn't really establishing dominance, but she def was being defiant, it was during the fight that she and heethan had that Tiff caused....i cant remember what chapter but it was shortly after Tiff was introduced in hhp. And if you recall....she tapped into her Eden, who is kind of dom. she's like femme fatale, she doesn't necessarily care about whipping her man, she just wants to be establish as his equal, which she does......but once in a while, such as the fight between her and ethan....ahem....it was battle for dominance which ended in irony. lol

Y/n is the sweet and soft side that we all have. While her Eden is the dark and twisted or sexual side that we all have (or majority of us for those that sincerely dont have it...although i beg to differ...especially if you're on tumblr) but in some of the smaus, especially recent ones like "Find the Bastard!" or even "Tables have Turned" y/n is kind of coming out of her own sweet shell and she has spoken towards heethan with a commanding tone or even gave him a taste of his own medicine (aka "behind you") but it's all during like silly and goofy moments. I would say in all seriousness, if she had tried to pull something off, as much as she wants to or could be dominant, one of two things will happen:

1.) Heeseung, as soft and gentle he is, he aint no bitch. He will joke and goof and let you have your moments, but if it was during intercourse or like a fight or something, the man will try to give you the benefit of the doubt (bc he is the rational type) and will set the tone and give you a warning (verybal or non verbal) and remind you that he is your man.

But lets say you dont heed his warnings....

2.) here comes Ethan. yup. you poked the bear and now he's awake, and as we all know, Ethan is a hard dom. I would classify heeseung being a med dom (not really soft but not too hard either, just in between) but Ethan is 100000000000% a hard dom and will man handle you like a barbie doll. He loves you, and he loves HARD....teaching you a lesson is actually enjoyable for him bc that just gives him a reason to instill a little bit of pain with the lovemaking, which he likes bc my man has a pain kink and a breeding kink....hes kind of a masochist but not a very brutal way. he's all about pleasing and being pleased (when it comest to you, ever since you came into the picture, he absolutely has no, NO interest in others) which that was kind of always the case, but it's like 10 times worse since he has you now.

it's like....have you ever had a doll or something, like a piece of jewelry or something, and you like it and keep it because it looks so pretty. but then you come across a piece of jewelry that is way sparklier, its bigger, has better clarity in the gemstones, shiny, and just more beautiful than any other jewelry you have in your box.....that's kind of what he went through when he found you.

#anon answered #anon ask #lovely anon #heeseung smut #heeseung scenarios #heeseung x reader

[thepaststillhurts]

@roarofancients:

Allowing Kion to speak, in his own voice. "You saw that he hit his head, Rafiki has said that Scar never was the same after that moment. And look at the current situation here, Scar able to possess me. No reason something couldn't have possessed him back during... with grandfather Mufasa... What he said about then, as he's a part of me now is truth. Back when I was a cub, when I got the Roar... My fear was becoming much like Scar, however after receiving this scar of my own from him with Ushari in the volcano... I understand much better, what has been affecting him. My journey... was longer than expected, even with my friends... my Lion Guard... We had some close calls. Not sure if I told you before, father. I pushed a peacock over once then, aggressively at that. Definitely not who I am. And if not for Bunga, Fuli and I would have physically fought at one point. Scar had it worse, having brain damage on top of the altered cobra venom."

Shari hanging near, confirms: "neurological damage after a brain injury may cause emotional volatility like intense mood swings or extreme reactions to everyday situations. Such overreactions can be sudden tears, angry outbursts, or laughter. It is important to understand that the person has lost some control over emotional responses. Take for instance his reaction in the dreamscape regarding Timon... No control over that outburst due to part of the brain not functioning properly." A head shake, "As a cub myself growing up, out of all of us cubs of his; only me and a halfbreed sister heard much of his his self mutters, frustrations on many things. But mainly, why he was the way he was. And about the lack of control over himself and his outbursts. Yes, he did kill Zuhour in the end. Best she'd be gone, if you ask me for that hyena dont care bout anything but keeping herself in power and having all the food. Uncle Mufasa on the other paw, well. It was his - Scar's body that did the deed, not his spirit. And..." Looking to Kion now. "Am sure you both remember that day the scorpion Sumu stung your tail, Simba? Scar could have ended everything right then in the volcano, the Lion Guard also. Not just prevent the ash getting to you. He purposely chose not to take the win right then, despite having the moment to."

A bit of magic from a paw wave gesture, the unsceen scenes of then shown to Simba.

"...Reason I laugh like that when a fiery spirit, a coping mechanism... Hell makes even a tiny prick wound feel like ten or so times worse of pain. That scar, even in live still caused me much pain." Scar's voice.

"You don't have to believe me, I wish none to go down the path I fell to. Darkness, Corruption. Power... Power corrupts. Breaking the... for lack of better word, spirit bond between myself and Kion may destroy both of us. Could potentially result in a Zuhour-version or worse of myself using Kion. While I can't change the past; and even if one could it is not recommended to as more often than not that causes more problems... I can, at the very least keep your son Kion from leaning into the path I fell..."

Kion looking to his dad, "If even Grandfather can still forgive Scar, and I've spoke to other family - Grandmother Sarabi, even, can forgive him just as I have... Mother has too.. Knowing now that he wasn't in control of a lot regarding what he did, due to the brain damage and scar. It's only you left, father. And as you may need to see what affects the venom hand on me, to understand some of what he went through..." A small roar, the surroundings showing times of Kion's journey to the Tree of Life - the one far away.

- Events from facing Scar, getting his own scar and up to reaching the destination, and the first verdict regarding the Night Pride on Kion. -

"I understand their reasoning now, if I had lost control of the roar again... especially by their sacred tree... Seems some luck was on our family's side, as it was Rani's grandmother Queen Janna that told her a bit about the Roar, and to welcome us. But if not for her, I realized while my friends were clearing the accidental blockage and getting Bunga out, that they would have found another way to help me. If the Tree of Life was off limits." Continues the scene from the pausehold, his song at the denial of entering the Kingdom at first, then on hearing and seeing his friends. "Scar had friends like that once, lost them early. All he had left after was Mufasa, and as his nightmare shown us - his biggest fear was being abandoned. By his only remaining family, big brother Mufasa. Perhaps, like I ended up ruling the Tree of Life alongside Rani, Scar was meant a similar fate in another Kingdom."

Scar voice adding, "I had gone to that same Kingdom - twice even, that tree. First had a rogue healer, let's just say things didn't go quite as intended. Second time, had others with me. Family. Which convinced them to give me another chance, and a closer looking at. Well, short of it is simply - there is no cure anywhere for the altered venoms, but one can train one's self against it. That, is what I helped the Night Pride of then focus on. Focusing on getting those affected like myself focused, calm, patient, relaxed while still attentively alert. And, as all can see that worked even for Kion here."

@thepaststillhurts:

"Not his spirit?" Simba burst out in anger. "If only his body wanted it, his spirit wouldn't have become fire. His spirit is evil, just like his body was." Of course, Shari was trying to protect her father, it was understandable, Simba knew it. But he had a different point of view.

The king paused here. He let out a long sigh, shaking his head in puzzlement. In silence he looked at the barren land that lay beyond, illuminated by the moonlight. What was the point of this? Why did they have to fight for so long?

Simba then looked at Kion when he started talking about forgiveness. He was angry and hurt by the past, but as he looked into Kion's eyes somewhere deep inside his heart he knew his son was right. Forgiveness was a noble trait, indeed, and anger would not make things better.

His inner temper soon calming down, the lion glanced at the starry sky above for a moment, and as he did so, a wise saying came to his mind. He could almost hear it in the wind, whispering,

You can't fight fire with fire.

Finally understanding the meaning behind, Simba gave his son a warm smile before he nuzzled him. It seems, it was always his kids who reminded him of virtues: Kiara of the truth of 'we are one' and Kion of the truth of forgiveness.

#roarofancients #King of the Night Pride #Chapter: Past of a Family #Universe: messed up | storyline: King of the Night Pride | timeline: post-SP #edit #rp moments #the lion king #the lion guard #lion king rp

[idiotthatdrawsakaartist]

OKI, gaint rant. Spoiler's for the sailor moon crystal eternal movies!

before i start, Ima be negative as shit, this is simply how i discuss thing's that i don't like or didn't meet my expectations which are usually quite low. This is isnt an attack on yall or yalls character, this is me going we deserve better and we need to stop settling for scraps.

Okay so I watched the sailor moon Eternal movies back in October of 2022, and sadly I was not impressed. This is coming from a die hard sailor moon fan who suffered through Crystal season 1 and 2.

( which weren't as bad as people like to imagine, the art was rough and yeah the story was rushed but tbh compared to the eternal movies the first 2 seasons are quite well paced)

so let's get into why this disappointed me :D

the thing is, i like (most) of the ideas on board in these two films, the idea of the guardian's normal dreams coming into conflict with their sailor guardian duties is interesting! the idea of Chibi-Moon getting her own sailor scout group for the future is interesting ect ect.. but the problem is, they executed them poorly.

It just felt like the mistake allot of newbie writer's make where they start outlining and than don't think their outline through , don't edit it all, don't cut anything that's unnecessary, and than start hitting story beats with illogical events just to move the plot along.

for example Chibi- moon and sailor moon becoming Super Sailor Moon and super Sailor Chibi Moon ALMOST EXATCLY WHEN IT'S CONVIENIENT FOR THEM, FOR ABSOLUTLY NO REASON THAT THEY NEVER QUESTION AND THAT NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO QUESTION ( not to mention that it doesn't even involve their character arcs or lack there of, mainly for Usagi tbh, whatsoever)

AND NOT TO MENTION THAT THEY APEREANTLY DONT HAVE WEAPONS EVEN DOE LIKE YALL YOU DO- WDYM YOU DONT???? DO MAGICAL WEAPONS DISAPEAR AFTER EARNING A NEW FORM BUT DONT GET REPLACED?????!!!! I FIND THAT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE!

good lord, if i were to call out each individual issue in these movies we'd be here all day. but long story short, not a big fan of the inner guardian's character arcs. the fact that we bring up that they're dreams tend to interfere with their duties is interesting but they do nothing with this. It's honestly just an excuse to give them a new form when they don't need it.

BuT tHeY cAnT tRaNsFoRm CuZ oF tHe DaRkNeSs OvEr ThE cItY

Than group together, discuss the fact that Moonie and her future kid over here couldn't transform at first and let Venus bring up the fact that she can't transform ether along with the rest of the sailor solder's and make a plan to fix this. Perhaps leave the city and than use ur Guardian powers to teleport right into enemy base with a plan to take the VERY OBVIOUS ship thing down and save the world.

the fact that the girls were unaware that they couldn't transform at all besides Venus, Moon, and Chibi Moon honestly frustrated the fuck out of me, fucking talk to each other like you've done before for fuck's sake! especially since Usagi and Chibiusa didnt even try to bring this very troubling revelation up, nope instead we must angst over Mamoru with swapped bodies that's meant to put pressure on Chibiusa but instead it just makes my POCD worse and makes me want to vomit :')

but that's not the worst part, by the end of the first move after all the inner solders got their mostly undeserved upgrade ( I'm looking at u Mercury.... the rest are more acceptable but still extremely shallow) they still cant fight against some electric plant thing i honestly don't remember what it was and i doubt it matters. what was the point in giving them new powers if they were just ganna become useless again 5 seconds after Venus earns her's.....

this shallow approach to the plot makes everything feel Hallow, uif you don't have a pre-established connection to these characters and the pretty music doesn't fool you, you'll end up pretty bored. the problems from the first movies continue in the second with constant un-needed transformations, honestly confusing and kind of boring climax. Like seriously, strip away the cool music and pretty visuals and tell me that what's happening is cool too. And mangled ideas that just don't work together and that's not commenting on the stiff animation. Like yeah it's colorfull but it's so stiff, it makes the 90's anime look flued..

Also im sorry i do not give a single fuck about Queen DarknessMg's backstory in this movie, it's literally just sleeping beauty but worse. If Saturn wasn't stripped of all her strength despite having an arguably stronger form, Nehelenia would have died in 5 seconds, i dare you to look at her death reborn revolution from season 3 and tell me queen darknessMg over here would have survive.

Queen of the dark side of the moon? bitch please, move out the way, the true queen herself, Saturn, guardian of death and re-birth is walking through.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

as i said there are allot of other thing's i didn't like but il end it here since i don't feel like writing all day and night

there are thing's i liked about it ofc! don't get me wrong, Hawks Eye is adorable, i love him and I'm marrying him tomorrow you're all invited UWU i

I love the Crisis form's so much omg, it looks fucking amazing!!!

watching Tuxedo mask being useful was fun to see!

the list goes on.

I know i sound like this movie pissed me off ( bc it low key did). I expected the same amount of quality as we got from the third season of Crystal which was high key the best this show ever got if Cosmos is anything like the eternal movies. the issue with the movies is that they didn't adapt them into movies at all, it feels like they slapped a bunch of episodes together and called them Two movies. There is simply too much shit in here, some of this need's to get cut. I debated on rewriting the eternal movies myself but I'm honestly not in the mood

#constructive critism welcome #sailor moon #sailor moon eternal #eternal sailor moon #sailor moon super s #rant post

[soul-dwelling]

I received a few asks related to the newest Zelda game, Tears of the Kingdom. 

Seeing as I haven’t played the game, and I have only read spoilers and a plot synopsis, nothing I say can be a very educated response to criticisms of the game. 

…Not that this will stop me from still saying something, but, you know, like I said, I haven’t played the game, so anything I say below will be uninformed, so, take this as you will. 

Spoilers for the game, and I will just copy and paste the asks I got below. 

Yeah the new Zelda story is bad on every level - from the themes, to originality, surface appeal, charachters, consistency, nostalgia-baiting, to its mystery and execution and redundancy and missed potential. Like for example it shows Zelda reapearing and doing questionable things. One thinks that maybe she has some motives, maybe her experience twisted her worldview or maybe her actions get misinterprated - but no its the most generic "just a puppet that looks like her by evil guy lol" obvious

Also the new Zelda can't decide if it just wants to ignore all the "lore" and focus on a self contained world or if it wants to bait people with names, terms and events that have significance for super-fans. Like "oh its about the imprisoning war, you 'member that! But actually it has nothing to do with it just randomly the same event lol!"

Maybe the worse thing about totk is how it just repeats the same theme and arc of the previous game but worse. Botw dealt with lose and grief and how one has to sacrifice and prevail for the future generations to rebuild a better tommorow - so totk does the same just with a ridicoulous time span and plot devices while introducing unecessary timetravel that just confuses why thing happend in that way and doesnt say anything new or leads to any new charachter introspection.

Also sad with how much missed potential it had - it seemed like Ganondorf looked like the ancient hero from 10k in the past (even had the same pose) and the whole theme with circles and reversing things and fusing could have lead to a reaximination about these eternal roles of good and bad, about reconsiliation, breaking the circle, fusing into a synthesis that leads to a revolution - but nah its generic good guys vs bad guys

Also its just stupid on a surface level - things like Space bunny alien super-god races founding hyrule (like its Naruto again, the whole Kaguya myth is geting overplayed...), turning into goody dragons is a major plotpoint that you cant take serious because how stupid it looks, weird things like romance between quasi-humans and literal rabbits on two legs, timetravel, generic artifacts and energy beams and undercooked worlds

Too ad to the weird relationship to if it wants to ignore lore or not - Botw was original in atleast with the whole divine beasts and sheikah tech backstory, while this game kinda ignores it even if it is a direct sequel while going back to rehashing Oot and Lbw while also making an unecesary new origin for Hyrule even though Skyward sword got just recently rereleased. If they didnt care about story they should just have some random new country or aliens or demons invade.

In Botw atleast the calamity was the consequence of the failures of the past, of the arogance of the king, of the strife between people, their hubris and overconfidence. People suffered consequences and made sacrifices while in Botw the good guys are perfect and just "lose" because of out of charachter stupidity for a moment and then just dont do anything for thousands of years and dont prepare. Also zeldas sacrificed gets reversed and she doesnt even remember experiencing all the time she spent

The execution of the story is bad too, with the four sages dungeons repeating the same thing just with a different voice actor as opposed to botw which was connected with links experience in the past and moving on from their lose. Also the new little story arcs either get imediatly resolved or are just things like "he was greedy because of brainwashing and imediatly turns good after that with no consequences!" Also finding memories out of order spoil twistd and feels rushed and disconected

Also it just all feels generic and boring - wow evil "Demon King" (is that even a thing, seems more like something from anime that doesnt fit an western localization), magic stones, super secret furrie aliens and flawless generic goodguys - with the only theme of connection not even really being that deep and just basically turning into "yeah helping and trusting each other is good I guess?"

Also it makes weird plotholes like two masterswords existing at the same time, the whole calamity ganon not meshing with the newn Ganon, things disapearing without explanation making some people think it retconed botw while it actually seems like its a closed loop, how it fits with the other games, if its repeating events or a new continuity or the real new origin and things actually repeat after that, etc

There’s a lot here, so I’m going to tackle as much as I can. 

The timeline stuff in this game doesn’t bother me--because I don’t understand anything about the timeline in Zelda anyway. 

That’s a dickish comment on my part, but it’s also pretty much why I never got into the games, and it’s a bit of an insult on my part towards the entire Zelda franchise, but also why “the timeline doesn’t make sense in Tears” wouldn’t dissuade me from playing the game--because I’m already going in thinking, “The timeline shit never makes sense in this franchise, why should I start caring about it now?” 

(I’m not asking for anyone to explain the timeline to me: I can go read explanations on my own.) 

So, if the timeline right now doesn’t make sense, I take that either as, “Well, it never made sense to me anyway, so I don’t care,” or “Oh, shit, if Zelda fans and experts are poking holes in the time travel details, this may not be as well thought out.” 

But as I said before, I don’t worry about story when it comes to video games--and on a related note, I don’t really care about whether the time travel rules make sense if the story is good enough. I appreciate that, the longer you enjoy something, the more you will criticize details in the lore that don’t make sense: that is valid, that is a sign of intense engagement with something you like, I would be a hypocrite to criticize someone doing that given what I’ve done with content I enjoy (I wouldn’t be writing about what works and doesn’t work in Soul Eater if I hadn’t engaged deeply with this work upon initial reading and watching). 

But even as I get criticizing those details, as I just said, if the story is good enough, and has its characters progress, and has a beginning, middle, and end, and doesn’t screw up the message it was trying to tell, I can ignore the mechanics not working. It’s science fiction or fantasy fiction enough: the science is what allows the fiction to persist, the fantasy is what allows the fiction to persist, if the science or the fantasy is sound enough for me to keep reading the story, I don’t care, it’s about believability, not realism. 

The twist about who this Zelda really is, from what I read of the plot summary, works for me on paper: it sounds cool to have an evil Zelda who is not real. Maybe the execution just doesn’t work--again, I haven’t played this game to see whether the payoff works. Granted, I do think, “And then the real Zelda turns into a dragon,” is a little too out-there. 

The nostalgia-baiting: using names, events, people, etc, from other parts of the franchise is not a bad thing--that sounds really cool, if the story works. It’s like how I think MCU films used to be: “Here’s a decent story, we make sure that story works--then we’ll name characters, places, etc, after stuff from the comics.” More recent MCU stuff should be great because it finally gets to just bring in stuff from the comics…and yet that stuff right now feels like the real deep cuts-baiting the audience, where name-dropping someone is a substitution for story and plot progression. 

(As an aside, this is probably why I soured so much on DuckTales 2017: that series felt much more like nostalgia-baiting that you’re describing, where I think parts of the story and characterization are not working--but, oh, look, here are references to the Disney Afternoon, that should shut up you 1980s/1990s kids and make you love this series. …No, it didn’t. Like, how do you fuck up Kit Cloudkicker that badly? How do you make Don Carnage so boring? Numerous references to original stuff from Darkwing Duck is where I start acting like I think you are about Zelda, where I just want to say, “That’s not what the original show was like,” or, at least with what they do with the two Darkwings in the show, how DuckTales 2017 really felt like it was positioning viewers who just didn’t like the show’s direction as being a hater and the equivalent of the homicidal Darkwing with the chainsaw--which, nah, that’s a pretty petty characterization of viewers who just aren’t a fan of how cynical and mean-spirited this iteration feels (when it comes to making Kit into somehow who just fails despite the talents already shown, that makes up a reason for him to be a sad adult, that makes Launchpad just the worst).)

You point out how you think Tears is repeating what Breath already did with themes, only it makes it worse by adding the time travel. Would Tears have been better if the time travel was held off until halfway through the game? If the big twist was that this was all time travel, would that work? 

I ask in part because I remember a commercial for what I think was one of the Zelda games, that was just one of the most effective commercials I saw--because of how creepy it was. It’s a first-person POV video, as you are walking through the castle, but once you reach the destination in that castle, the commercial announcer says you’re going to go through this entire game--and then have to repeat it all over again to get it right this time. Would that have worked better for Tears, where you feel a bigger connection to this story--then have everything about it ripped away from you when you have to travel back in time to do it again? 

I do think removing some great complexities about what Past!Ganondorf was up to feels like a missed opportunity. Then again, sometimes you just want your bad guys to be bad guys, not to keep giving them noble reasons or sympathetic back stories, just have them be cruel awful people that need to be stopped. This is probably also why I’m not too bothered by “yeah helping and trusting each other is good I guess”: yeah, sometimes you need a story that says it is good to help others, it is good to look for the good in others--but, as paradoxical as it may seem, there are just some bad people out there, and while obviously we can’t settle differences as you would in a game, or respond to evil as you would in a game, we do have an obligation to identify cruelty and do what we can to minimize its harm. 

It’s not like I don’t have my fair share of complaints about origin stories that just do not hold up: see my complaints about Fire Force, or I can go on a rant about the weird choices the various Sonic the Hedgehog comics have made for origin stories that no one asked for. 

I don’t want to criticize details about the origins or the romances of the aliens too much, if only because I find most designs in newer Zelda stuff to not be my taste. Zelda works best for me when the designs look like plants and animals from our world; some designs like the Zoras just don’t fit the setting for me. 

The various conflicting origin stories: isn’t Zelda as a franchise all about how nothing makes sense? Again, this is a series where it feels like there are so many timelines that having different origins feels less troublesome. In fact, that was what a post I read recently said: this is the _Legend_ of Zelda, so with each iteration, we are getting a different spin on that legend, because it is so far removed from the truth that we are just making up new legends, telling new tales of the same characters and themes, hence why so much stuff conflicts across different games. 

(Granted, just because this theory gives an explanation, and makes the title better suited, doesn’t negate the problem: just because you made up an excuse for inconsistencies doesn’t mean that the inconsistencies you created aren’t in themselves bad. At best, it is an opportunity for the game developers to say, “First, we are focused on gameplay and visuals, and we’ll alter the story to make those as effective as possible. And second, we are allowed to ignore continuity to fix what wasn’t working before.”) 

(And, granted, I’m also a Star Trek fan--and I remain livid how much newer Trek is just fucking up continuity and canon because “we wanted to do this instead.”)

I do think the ending of Tears just undoing what went wrong, with little obvious ramifications, is frustrating. At least show something that indicates that this experience affected Link in some real emotional way--and if you have to add a physical reminder to him for how that real emotional change will persist, then do that, too, for visual storytelling. 

“Demon King” is fine with me as phrasing: this is just the reality of trying to take the Japanese suffix -o and translating it as best as possible. 

I don’t know enough about the lore of the Master Sword: is it really a big problem to have two existing at the same time, or is there lore that it can’t happen? I mean, again, there are so many timeline shenanigans and multiple Ganons and multiple Links and multiple Zeldas that I am ready to just throw up my hands and say, “Sure, Master Swords for everyone.”

#spoiler #spoilers #long post

[fictionkinfessions]

I wonder if my Collei is out there. If she remembers me. The times I'd talk to her during her treatments (trying my best to tame that bad residue batch Barnabas gave- Which he wasnt even supposed to give her before my personal evaluation of her wellbeing. Uhg.)

I wonder if she remembers me letting her escape, or the bag of supplies I even prepared for her right outside. The stories I told her of old patients and my old elezar studies.. She did always seem to be listening, even if she never talked back.

I am sorry for your living conditions, Collei. I know you dont see weight in those words, especially if the Collei's reading this arent my own. You never should have been used for any experiments, mine or my underlings. You should have only gotten the elezar treatments, your condition upon reaching snezhnaya was so terrible I was furious learning you had gotten residue. And even more furious when seeing how volitile the batch you got was. Granted I cant say your living conditions would have been better if you were treated properly, I didnt have the best holding rooms for any experiments or patients. (and yes I will partially blame Pantalone's budget, though admitedly my Prime Body was so far gone I didnt think about patient comfort most of the time by this point..)

Im still surprised despite all of that, you managed to survive. Given the state you were in upon arrival I thought you would be dead for sure. But you're such a tough kid. And well- Okay I will brag a bit, my elezar treatments are very good. Despite their painful side effects. I was still working on that-

Im sorry Im rambling- And I really doubt any Collei has read this far- And if one of you has, please do not read this as me expecting forgiveness, or for you to like me in the slightest. The things you were roped into were far worse than you ever should have had, and Im still upset that Barnabas acted on his own like that. (His given job was simply to collect some willing Elezar patients. As working on treatments for it had become a passtime of mine. His residue experiments were only supposed to go to patients I directly approved of. And he ignored all of my instructions.)

I just hope you have SOME slightly positive memories. Again of my stories, the small bits of kindness my badly calibrated clone caused to shine through. I think about those times more than I'd like to. It fills me with too much guilt. Reminds me of what I was like before the Akademiya and Fatui drove me too far. It makes me scared to share these mems. I'm terrified typing this right now actually. I'm so prepared for people to attack me despite my wishes or the blogs rules for decency. To accuse me of "erasing Dottore's cruelty" or "expecting forgiveness from all Collei kins" even though I've directly said I'm not expecting that.

I just hope my Collei remembers those moments. They can feel however they please about me, I don't care, I'll never look for them, I don't look for anyone. I just don't want to be the only one who has to remember these events.

Maybe my Collei would like to hear that these memories of kindness haunt me. Maybe they want to know that I'm suffering from knowing how much better I could have been in that life if events had played out a bit differently.

It wouldn't surprise me if the average Collei kin wished for nothing but pain for me, anyway, memories of me or not. (not intended to make you pity me I promise. Im just used to how much the community despises me)

~Il Dottore 🕯♟

P.S. If you're thinking of sending a negative response to me (No matter who you may be), don't bother. There's nothing you can say to me that the community or my brain havent already said before. Don't waste your time. I garuntee you, I already know.

'

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #dottorekin #genshinimpactkin #memories issue #medical cw #? #prevabuse #apology #experiments cw #medical abuse cw #death cw #mod party cat