#venting on tumblr because i know nobody is gonna see it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

antimony-medusa · 20 days

Note

heyy im thinking of joining ao3 with my works, but they’re not fanfics, they’re original writings. do you think it would still get accepted/viewed by folks? bc from what i see on tumblr it sounds like ao3 is mostly engaged with fanfic, i could be wrong but thats what it sounds like lol

Ohhh, original works on Ao3 my beloved.

Okay so there are two general baskets of Original Works, and one is "everything original people are putting on Ao3", and one is the one that people do in exchanges, where people sign up to write relationships like "Teen Who Is Turning Into A Werewolf & Her Sister" or "Retired General/His Arranged Marriage Spouse Who Was Formerly The Enemy General".

In my experience people broadly speaking do not really find the stuff in the first basket on Ao3. I'm in the tag right now and a lot of these works have very low hits. The stuff in the Second basket, which is things tagged interestingly enough that they catch people's eye, with a fun high concept— maybe? Some of these works clearly have a following!

Okay so there are 286,322 works in the Original Works tag, with something like over a hundred works posted a day, and there are not hundreds of people hovering in the tag looking for whatever gets posted, because honestly, like half of it is people posting vent fic. The spectrum of quality varies WILDLY, like it does in any big tag, and there is a lot of stuff that is people just starting out. Also a lot of it is people writing niche porn. Original Work is a very horny tag. So you have to find a way to rise into people's vision.

And this HAS been done— I'm subscribed to two people on Ao3 specifically because I loved their original works, I have an original work that's sitting at 200 kudos, there's an 86k novel I read in chapter updates last year that updated on fridays where I was like "ohhh it's friday it's jewel day" for ages and it's sitting at almost 2k kudos. I have read a published novel that started as an OW on Ao3, though I can't find the title now. But again, this is the stuff that rises to the top of the 286k fics in the tag, this is not everything. So how do you rise to the top and get seen?

My first advice is luring people over from another source. So if you already have a following from other fic, some people might follow you to original works? And then if it's GOOD, they'll stick around. This is the equivalent of "this romance author I liked is trying thrillers— I might try it?" So not everybody is gonna follow you, but some might. And if you already have people following your blog where you talk about your writing on Tumblr, you can say "check it out on Ao3", and people will head on over!

And then my second advice is that if you tag and do the summary interestingly, people might click when they see you. But you have like 2 seconds to catch people's attention, so how do you maximize that?

A) if do your relationship in an interesting way that tells people something, that helps. "Original Male Character/Original Male Character" just tells me it's M/M. "Supervillain Working As A Barista/Flirty Superhero With A Caffeine Addiction" tells me a LOT more. If you can cram your whole story concept into 100 words there, you can do a lot to hook people.

B) same as you do for any fic on Ao3— your summary and tags written in an interesting way. This is the equivalent of having interesting cover copy in a bookstore— why would people want to pick up your story? Certainly not if you say "this is kinda bad but please read it", they'll put it right back. But if you say "Alice is a woman on the run from the mafia with a dark secret— she's slowly turning into a vampire. Can she find a community, learn how to feed herself without endangering her soul, and maybe even find a girlfriend or two before her past catches up with her?" Well then people know what your story is about and are much more interested.

C) you don't want to become that person with a wall of tags nobody reads, but if you do tag the right tags so that you show up in OTHER tags people might be searching: if I find your fic when I'm looking for "asexual character" or "alternate universe - high school" or "meet-cute" or "fluff and angst" or "open/bittersweet ending", or alternately, a lot of really specific porn tags, and you've made your summary and relationship and tags interesting, I might click through.

And then my third advice is to do exchanges. A LOT of exchanges do include an Original Works component, and if you can write short stories, you can lure people into reading your work because you're writing "Lonely God & Baby Abandoned On Their Altar" or Lighthouse Keeper/Siren Trying To Wreck Ships" or something, because people DO click around exchanges reading the original works because they're fun and there aren't 286 of them, there are 12 of them in an exchange. If you like writing for a challenge, you can get people to read your work if you write it for an event.

So I'm not an expert in either original works or getting my work seen, I am not good at search engine optimization, but that is some stuff I have seen other people doing. Good luck!

#anon #ask

12 notes · View notes

anonymous-dentist · 6 months

Note

I think the worst part is gosthies like to treat bad like a poor baby and the non english speaking parts of the fandom (brazilians, mainly brazilians) like we are fucking dream team stans part 2

Like yeah poor him because he suffered alot of hate in his dsmp days but HOWEVER the narrative that he is being "targeted" in the qsmp fandom is BULLSHIT maybe not in the english speaking part of the fandom but he is not a poor small uwu bean

He has one of the bigest comunity of all qsmp, that just grew bigger in a internacional scale

The non english speaking comunitys are "turning' on him because of 4 things

1. His defence of dream, speaking in a brazilian vision, dream to the general Internet public was just some random streamer that cheated the mob vote in minecraft, the guy that faked a speed run and most important a "pedophile", and that made everybody mad especially because HIS fandom had a whole ass narrative to us talking about "ooh poor bad, nobody respected his basic boundaries, your streamer/fandoms ware the first to respect him" this is mainly why people just think he is probably a prejudiced men, he hangs out with a lot of problematic men só he must be the same

2. Everybody being tired of his micro-agressive jokes, he does this since like pre-elections and since the xenophobia in the fandom kinda "grew", people are kinda lashing out at all his actions and since he is doing with more comunitys besides the brazilians people tend to agree with this

3. His fandom is (from a outsider perspective that never actually interacted with the dsmp fandom at all besides seeing people telling their war stories in the qsmp fandom) identical to dream's fandom or even tommyinnt (by the way you talk about that fandom in your blogposts) but without the doxxing, even here on tumblr his fandom kinda harasses people for no reason, they are SUPER xenophobic and love to mass block any brazilian (tbh most of the qsmp fandom acts like these), he is a poor small bean and everybody is out here to get him, just like most dream stans act

4. He rp's as this very annoying character and since the rose tinted sunglasses broke to most of the fandom and nobody is gonna get draged for showing a negative opinnion of such a good boy and since his writting chops are kinda . . . Laking to say the least, people just want him to stop interacting with their main povs and fuck off (also just personal opinnion, he is like the only qsmp character that i care more about the "fanon" version then the canon)

Also he never, NEVER called out the xenophobia of his fanbase lol, it’s such a big problem that even english speaking fandom ADMITS IT (insane considering how they talk about brazilians lol)

So yeah, i don’t think he is the actual devil from the bible (i have waaaay more negative opinnions about aypierre) but i simplely can’t feel that much simpathy for him since he does not care about anything other then his friendship with dream and he keeps doing a """""queeebaiting"""" with forever since he knows people really like The shipp and he is trying to get brazilians to love him again (brazilians are very profitable as a fanbase and good to any creators ego)

Só yeah (sorry for the venting but i am not sorry for my bad grammar to numa vibe mais mikethelink)

It’s actually insane how little accountability his fandom will take and how they will refuse to acknowledge any shitty things either he or his fandom do.

#asks!#anon!#discourse

33 notes · View notes

chokovit · 15 days

Text

I'm gonna rant and vent

I'm gonna rant and vent about people I consider my brethren, my comrades, and my peers. I'm 100% not interested in debating or arguing with anyone at all so don't expect that if you message me.

I fucking hate election year. Every 4 years it's the same god damn song and dance and every other election it's worse and worse. And I'm not talking about some shitty pat ourselves on the back, circle jerking feel good about yourself garbage where I preach to the choir and we all sing "Yeah I feel that way too!"

I'm talking about Leftists, specifically, American Leftists (as I am American this will be therefore be from the point of view of one and my grievances will henceforth be specifically about "AMERICAN" Leftists so foh with your "That's an american centric view" shit).

I'm gonna preface what I'm about to say by stating the obvious. I am a leftist. Whether you fucking like it or not, whether you agree with me being one or not, I am. I don't hate leftists, as hard as this rant will make that easy to believe. I'm just very bothered by trends I see among them. They bother me because, unlike conservatives, I actually want leftists to "win". I actually want us to succeed. But in case your world view is black and white to the point you need me spelling it out for you, yes I am a leftist, I agree with leftists, and I am absolutely repulsed by Conservatism.

Now let me get into the meat and potatoes of what I want to bitch about. Basically, in the past, whenever I saw people bemoan that leftists are largely signal virtuing, morally uptight, jerkasses I thought of it as nothing more than the typically reactionary pant shitting rhetoric we've come to expect from Right-Wing discourse. And to be fair, back than, in the early-mid 2010s it probably was. But now? I don't fucking know anymore, it really does seem like at the very least a worryingly large amount of leftists think they're a part of some clique or social group and don't understand both the implications and power of their own standing. Particularly and most especially when it comes to voting. Let me tell you something, something really fucking important. You have nothing, you are nobody, and you are mostly powerless to do anything at all...EXCEPT for one thing, and that's voting. Yes, you can call your senator and congressperson but even thats only really gonna work if your congressperson or senator is one that'll even consider your interests. Do you think people in Lauren Boebert's district feel confident calling her to complain about trans issues? Yeah no. Every single fucking vote, every single god damn one matters and you can fuck off with your "both parties are the same" and "voting doesn't matter" bullshit. One party is waging a culture war on our entire nation, one party wants to make sure you're following a rigid social hierarchy, one party wants to turn Christianity into state law, one party wants to drape everything in repugnant Christian Nationalism and it's not Democrats.

Yes, yes it sucks that we can only pick from the two. No, no voting third party is not an option, we do not get the privilege of living in a country with a multi-party system. The DNC and the RNC both respectively own the two whole halves of the media industry in the United States, and no I'm not making that up. As cool and based as you think you look here on tumblr preaching about how we'll all vote for some super sick Ultra-Commie Socialist Dream party it's not going to happen. How many people will be inspired by you organizing on tumblr? in public even? on campus? Do you know the statistics you'd need? 2020 had an election turn out of 154 MILLION people! over 81 Million of them voted for Biden, and 74 Million of them voted for Trump! Now let's do a hypothetical, and lets be god damn realistic about it okay? REALISTICALLY, you and your lefty friends will never, ever, in all your attempts and rhetoric and debate, will ever be able to convince a MAGA Trump supporter from 2020 to vote for the Green Party. It will. Not. Happen. So that 74 Million? That stays, you get none of that. But, you could probably convince Progressives and Liberals who voted for Biden to do so (you know, if you actually want to shut the fuck up for 10 seconds and stop crying about how much you claim you hate them so all your friends nod and clap at you for being a super cool edgy leftist). So okay, let's be REALLY optimistic, let's say you convince like 20 million of those people who would've voted for Biden to vote for you, lets be even more optimistic and say you started with a base of 2 million people. I want you to keep this in mind that 2 Million people alone would be a record for the green party. In 2020 they had a popular vote of 406,000, literally less than half a million. But I digress. You're at 22 Million people, now lets consider people who didn't vote in 2020. That's 80 Million people, but, BUT, that's not a big pool of 80 million for you to grab from. We need to consider statistics first. Out of that 80 Million only roughly 30% of them didn't vote specifically because they either were undecided or didn't like the candidates. Therefore your actual pool of candidates interested in voting for you is 56 Million people. If you were only able to convince 20 million Biden voters, chances are you'd convince even less undecided voters. Realistically you should only get a hairs fraction of voters but, I'm trying to make a point here so lets say you get the largest share of Undecided Voters, somehow you're just super cool and based and you convince 30 million to vote for you. Not you have 54 Million votes. Congratulations, you have made US History by being the most voted for third party in the history of the US. You have beaten the previous record set by Jo Jorgensen in 2020 by a whopping 52 Million Votes (yes, really, that's the most a third party has ACTUALLY ever gotten before, just shy of 2 million votes). Despite your epic feel good win, the Orange piece of shit running against you, who has been galvanizing his base and everyone from the most fervant of maga's to your needle dick co-worker you kind of get along with despite voting republican for "fiscal" reasons, has surpassed his previous record by a little bit, he only really pooled in about a million more....which is 75 Million voters. Which is over 20 million people more than you.

Now I get it, I hear you barkin' big dog, we don't decide elections on popular vote, it's decided on the Electoral College. My point here is showing you how unfeasible third parties really truly are. This isn't a movie, this isn't like someone's gonna make some grand speech and everyone claps and comes to their senses and all of a sudden votes for "the right candidate". No, for a party that's NOT Libertarian to get even 10 million people to vote for them would be a historical precedent. And you don't need me to tell you that 10 million people is not nearly enough people spread across 50 states to make up for the electorate you'd need to win an election.

So why is this important? Why is it important we vote against republicans instead of voting for whatever helps us sleep at night, makes us feel good, and makes us look super "in" with our buddies online? Uh, because republicans will continue to do the things they're doing so long as they see it as a means to make themselves electable. Sure, some people say "well it's not MY fault it's the dems faults for not being GOOD enough for me to vote for them" and to that I say pbbbbth, you fucking KNOW better. You KNOW better, because you're a leftist, how dangerous fascism is, how bad and poisonous and terrible Traditionalism is. Consider this, another hypothetical okay? Everyone is so disgusted by the perils of conservatism they unite, as they did in 2020, to vote against them. They do it again in 2024, They do it again in 2028, and a 4th time in 2032. You've now had two full term presidents in the United States, will that make the conservatives go away? no. But will it swing the pendulum back? Yes! YES IT WILL! Politicians only give a shit about one thing and thats GETTING ELECTED. And if those mother fuckers start to realize that conservatism is an UNWINNABLE position, than they will, at the least, begin to abandon Conservatism as a platform for their party.

At the moment, that's NOT what's happening. Instead, we have Conservatives emboldened by 40 years of Reagan Rhetoric slowly shifting the pendulum ever more right. They've been doing it for 4 god damn decades okay, and you think 1 term from a dem president is going to start shifting it back? Fuck. The Fuck. Off. Dems are, from a global perspective, a centre-right party. When and if they do anything to "shift" the pendulum left, it's going to be shifted less to the left and more toward the "centre". Right now THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT!!!! YOU WANT THAT!!! HAVING THE PENDULUM FARTHER AWAY FROM THE RIGHT IS A /GOOD/ THING BECAUSE RIGHT NOW ITS DANGEROUSLY FAR TO THE RIGHT.

This shit doesn't make me liberal, this shit makes me pragmatic. I DONT. LIKE. CONSERVATIVES. I'm guessing if you've read this far /YOU/ probably don't either (or at least you claim to). But I don't hate them because they're rhetoric is bad, because they act like bigots or say mean/offensive things. I hate them because I genuinely hate their ideology, I hate their beliefs, I think everything they want for you and me and society at large is a fucking POISON to us as a modern, progressive society. And that's for obvious reason, they don't WANT us to be a modern, progressive society. If you've hated conservatives this entire time because of any "shocking" or "apalling" things you've seen or heard from them or that MSNBC or your lefty friends have shown you (including me) than I'm sorry but you're hating them for the wrong reasons. I mean, not that it isn't valid to hate someone for being a dick head. But your repulsion, your disgust should run deeper than that. You should be terrified and stop at nothing to want to crush Conservative ideology from the grip it has on American society. The vast majority of conservatives want to kill you, do you understand that? Whether that's because of their bigoted views, or because of LITERALLY CENTURY LONG WORTH OF PROPAGANDA AGAINST LEFTIST AND SOCIALIST VALUES they see you as a threat and want you dead. As much as they point and ridicule "libs" and "liberals" like you do, the liberals will be fine. It's YOU who won't be, it's YOU who should be hating them the most. And from what I see, you don't. Because if leftists truly felt threatened by conservatism they'd be stopping at nothing to rid it from our system. Instead, Leftists are more concerned with policing themselves, more concerned with having some super cool "hot take" on whoever the current president is. Leftists are more comfortable being the edgy outcasts, and if they're successful, they're not outcasts anymore. Fuck that. I haven't claimed leftism my entire life since I was 13 (I'm 30 now) just cuz I wanted to be edgy, and different. I didn't want to "look smart" and prove some "moral superiority" over people. You can do that shit with literally any political ideology. I claimed Leftism as my political ideology because it is, to me, the most pragmatic to ending universal suffering. And with that, I want leftism as an ideology to prevail and succeed. Not remain in the fucking shadows, ever caught on the side-lines of a worsening tug-o-war between Liberals and Fascists.

And most importantly of all, I want this to succeed, it NEEDS to succeed. And to do that we MUST unify, divide, and conquer. Yes, that means at least for a while we have to unify with Liberals. Our battle right now should be with the scourge of Fascism. The Soviet's didn't turn their guns mid-way through fighting the Nazi's cuz "erm actually the Allies are cringe too" no, they fucking united against a common, worse enemy. In fact, let me dive into the Nazi's cuz there's an interesting tid bit here. The Weimar republic, pre-Nazi rise, was composed of like 3 "left" wing parties. Needless to say by US standards all 3 of these parties would be considered left of Democrats but I digress. The refusal of all 3 of these parties to unite and caucus together created fractions in the political system of Germany at the time. This made it way fucking easier for the Nazi's to come in and sweep things up afterwards. There's many reasons WHY they were fractured, but those are beside the point of what I am trying to say here. It's like, that one part from Sun Tzu's Art Of War that people actually remember: "Divide and Conquer" with political division, the Nazi's easily just swept in and destroyed them. Do not forget, Fascism is an inherently authoritarian ideology. It is therefore organized and demands rigid conformity. If we do not unite, we will be easier to break apart and fall victim to it's clutches.

Finally, and lastly, I think this last part just comes from our horrible education system in the US. I understand many people probably didn't take Civics in high school, to those people I am sorry. As there's no way you could get how our system works because the system itself failed to educate you. If you did take civics in high school, or god forbid college, than you fucking know better. YOU! WILL NOT! CHANGE ANYTHING! IN A MEASLY 4! FUCKING! YEARS!

I know what we want, I know because I share a lot of the same values as you, even if I don't share your methods. I also know them because I've been reading you people post about them for the better part of like 15 years! NOTHING YOU WANT TO SEE IN GOVERNMENT, NONE OF THE CHANGES YOU WANT TO SEE HAPPEN! NONE OF THEM ARE GONNA HAPPEN IN ONE PRESIDENCY! Need I remind you that the current state of affairs has been shifted to the Right over a process that has taken FOURTY! FUCKING! YEARS!? and you think somehow that you'll just come in with some super cool epic revolutionary spirit and change shit in a couple years? That's not realistic! IT's just! NOT! But that doesn't mean we CANT change things. Yes, it does mean we have to change things slowly, it DOES mean we have to play the long game. But guess what, the Conservatives have been playing the long game since that shit bag Reagan leaked poisonous venom from his gunshot wound in DC. In fact they've probably been doing it longer, from 1965.

You wanna know if things can get worse? You already know the answer to that, yes. Yes things can get worse. Yes a society can advance forward, only to move backward. This literal exact fucking thing happened once in modern history, and it took 3 major super powers to defeat it.

Leftism isn't a fucking club, it's not a circle jerk for all of us to feel good about ourselves for being intellectuals and morally upright people. It's a fucking political ideology, that's it. It's not one of your fandoms. So no, you don't need to spend all the energy spent arguing with and debating with every other leftist and YES I know how that sounds coming from me. As much as this rant will have you assume otherwise I don't really spend much time debating other leftists. Mostly because a good chunk of leftists are way too reactionary to give me a charitable and honest platform. Anyone you disagree with is a fascist. And yes I've ACTUALLY had people call me this before. You dilute the term, you HELP the fascists this way. Fascism is a very specific evil, it's not just people who disagree with you. Sometimes, you will feel uncomfortable about the views other leftists have. That's normal. That doesn't mean they're "Liberal" or "Fascists". Again, this isn't a little pow wow where we sit around and agree with each other and get super psyched together about our favorite piece of political theory, and than if someone says something we disagree with we just kick them out of the circle. That's not how that works. That's not how any functional political movement succeeds. Right now, you and I have ZERO seats at the table, we don't exist on the grand political spectrum, as much as the GOP tries to fear monger that we do. So yes, we will have to unify sometimes with people we don't like. We will have to agree to disagree and come together for a common enemy.

I know this will change literally nobody's mind but I just really needed to get all of these thoughts out. I want them out and I want people to read them so that they can at least SEE the perspective of leftists outside their fucking echo chamber. Our division is NOT conducive to our success. We are going to /FAIL/ because the pendulum will keep going to the right. It'll fail cuz we are more concerned about making a choice that makes us feel morally vindicated than one that is pragmatic. I have nothing else to say anymore. Fuck Americans. Fuck all of them. Fuck all the American Conservatives. Fuck all the American Liberals. Fuck all the American Leftists. And Fuck all the undecided pieces of shit who couldn't decide whether or not they want to vote against fascism or let it slip on in. Fuck all of you, you uneducated, feel-good, self-satisfying, non-communitarian, individualistic, pigs of society. I sincerely wish I was born in literally any other country because at least than I wouldn't have to deal with being around some of the most inane, vapid, superficial fucking human beings on the planet. American Society is a god damn joke. Only above Israel. And that's not a bar you should be proud of.

4 notes · View notes

rooklinensinker · 2 months

Text

THIS IS BY NO MEANS GOOD

I'm just one of those people that...

*cringe*

write songs to vent about things. I usually forget about them which is kinda sad honestly. But looking at them piled up, I realised "oh damn i have a tumblr and nobody cares if you're cringe on tumblr!" so i decided to post them here if not just to keep them safe somewhere.

Like it or not, I'm kinda proud that I made something.

Sometimes that itself is enough to make me feel better about things.

I've always had trouble with either executive dysfunction or just not being able to balance time. But because work is a duty I couldn't just take my mind off it, even when I did nothing for days on end. I wouldn't do basic chores because I needed to do this first. But I never moved. And then the deadlines would come and I'd panic and break down again. And then I'd work all at once, not eating nor resting until I could finally catch up. I never did. Even when my work was finished it never felt like the race truly was. Even now, years later, I feel the same. It's maddening like you're not truly growing up, if such a thing is even real. Because you keep having the same problems over and over.

Anyways, here's a song about working.

Lyrics:

I hunger no longer cuz the longer I hunger

The more I forget I exist

Something always feels so amiss

Let's not think about this, there's no time

The longer I try to focus, the more my brain just tries to escape

Why am I stuck in this place?

Wish I could send myself into space.

Building my castle of trash with the moths as my witness

Can't think of future or past

Cuz that shit's too serious

I do not know the time or date but I know my deadline's soon

I cannot afford to eat

till I finish this one bit

I may stay awake till I hallucinate

But isn't this just the creative process?

All my friends can do it so I guess

that makes me just that ✨useless✨

I may faint and dissociate

But at least I gotta stay awake

I am working right now

I am working somehow

And it's working working working

Next morning I wake up and it leaves me stunned

My work looks like shit and needs to be redone

That was not in the plan. Fuck!

"What do I care? Let me just sleep!"

...

Sleeping feels so tiring

So is being alive, weeping in the shower

I promised this would be the last time

but I can never keep it.

My nose bleeds and head aches.

I'm aware of all my mistakes.

Procrastination raised the stakes

which is why I keep working working working

I may complain

"Hustle the pain away"

"There's bigger fish in the sea"

That's what I aim to be

But I'm drowning drowning drowning

--------space for a lil mental breakdown------------

Why feed a machine that doesn't work?

So I work to eat, but I can't think anymore

I work till my eyes give up seeing

I work so I forget my own being

Everybody seems like a fucking prodigy

while I'm wasting my time being good ol' mediocre me

If I can't keep up, I'll be left in their dust

----- more mentally ill activity---------

Work is done...

Yay! 🎉

I can take the day off today. ☺️

✨And proceed to do nothing for the next 5 months!👀✨

...

I can't do anything but think I should be working.

"Why have fun, when I should be working?"

"You're gonna die so don't ask why and start working!"

Leave my mark in the market of labour

My only worth is the work you savour

I hope it's worth it so I better get working.

....

Why ain't I working? working working

I have to keep working working working

I can't move but I need to keep working working working

I'll die if I'm not working working working

paralysed from my work, but I need to get working

I'm too tired to work yet I can't forget

that I should be working.

Guess what I should be doing right now 😃✨

#vent #songwriting #adult adhd #cringe #original song #sorry i cant sing nor play guitar properly even after like 7 years of lessons im sorry mr joca my teacher 😭😭😭

2 notes · View notes

faunabel · 2 months

Text

bleh. vent. sorry.

man...... i don't usually compare myself to others but being around ppl who love historical hetalia and talk abt their in depth thoughts makes me feel so Inferior

like i'm just too stupid and silly and dumb to come up with anything like that and stick to simpler stuff

i know this stems entirely from being around Toxic historical hetalia fans in the past who'd shit on canon nonstop and made me rly hate myself for... u know. following canon.

i like to follow canon and try to combine it with history to make sense but i just ugh. i feel dumb. i feel incompetent and stop myself from even doing it to try and preemptively avoid being attacked

the fandom is smaller now which makes me even more anxious? because there r less people so i'm more likely to be found by Mean People and there r also less people who Get Me to try and find

anyway sorry i just needed to vent. i wish i was more comfortable in myself but i feel like i'm always using all my energy to not be targeted that i forget how to even exist. sometimes i really do. people ask me things and my brain goes blank. all i can think about is what do they want? what do they expect from me? how can i be what they want from me? i completely lose access to who i am and what i want because i don't feel safe wanting or needing or being a person. i just need to be a doll who submits to them so i don't get hurt.

i want to be one of those people who just shares their thoughts no matter how self indulgent but i feel so embarrassed. eugh. even with non-self indulgent things. liking things is embarrassing. exposing my thoughts is too vulnerable.

i'm slowly exposing myself to try and get more comfortable but i wish! i could just be comfortable now!!!!!! and not expend so much of my limited energy just sharing my thoughts. trauma processing takes too long.

ugh. oh the need to belong but the fear of being seen. people have just been so mean to me and i'm struggling to accept that it was in the past. not currently happening. but i don't want it to happen again :/ and on tumblr, unlike other social media, it's so easy to find old posts, so it just makes me uncomfortable that my posts won't Die In The Void u know? blahblah how my thought process works word vomit self contradiction as i figure out my words and so on

i just. hate being such an outlier in things. i wish i could be normal and like normal things and have friends who like the things i like. but i'm weird and nobody gets it and i'm sad. i hate being alone. i don't wanna be alone. i hope someday i can meet people who like the same things i like or are open to the idea. my silly fantasy is to live in a world where i'm just. normal. i actually see myself in others. and people are like me. i'm like them. no more floating aimlessly like a bird who fell from its nest.

i am holding out on hope but rn i wanna cry so i'm gonna go do that

gonna manifest away this avpd i swear........ it's ruining me. u ruined my child and teen years. i beg u. let me try to find happiness now. time goes on and i lose time and it scares me.

#( 💭 faun thinks )#vent #delete later #maybe

4 notes · View notes

brainrot-stitch · 4 months

Text

Thinking of simpler times.. (rant/vent ig)

It's nice just to like

Be able to lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling and hear the crickets outside and no electronic noises. It reminds me of the 2 hurricanes that happened a few yrs back, and like I know it's fucked up to think about because it was horrible, but at the same time it was nice in a way idk how to describe well. It was miserable and hot but I was with family and didn't have to worry or stress about people or grades.. we just kinda existed for a while. I don't want more hurricanes to happen, that would be crazy, but I miss what came after.

Idk I think I've just been getting worked up over a lot of stuff recently and ik other people have it like so so much worse so I don't rlly like to complain abt it, especially in the gc, but nights like these where it's dark and quiet and calm just really get to me I guess. Nights where I can just think about everything and cry before I have to wake up the next day and repeat everything over and over and over. Every day is so bland and numb with sudden spikes of panic mixed in and at the end of the day I barely remember it. I don't remember so so much of my life that I think I should, and I don't know why I just forget. Weather something good or something bad happens I know it will eventually be faded and forgotten just as I will one day.

I'm not really big on being remembered, I've come to accept the fact of mortality and there will be a day where we will each be thought of for the last time and that is when we're truly gone. But for the short amount of time I am remembered, I don't want to be remembered like this. Like who I am and what I do and how I act right now. I don't know what I want to be remembered like, but it's not this.

There's so many issues that seem like the end of the world, that feel inescapable, and I know they're not. I feel like I'm either just being dramatic or gaslighting myself into believing they're bigger issues than they already are. Anything could send me into a spiral that night, from the smallest issue to the biggest one. Even if not, they still have an effect on my day to day life and I don't know how to fix it. And other people are always either confused or upset but they don't understand, and I don't know how to help them understand.

It's hard to care about my grades when there is literally no point and all I do is rot all day. Even if I did care I'm not smart enough to get a college tuition, and we definitely can't pay for it ourselves. They say it's gonna leave a permanent mark that people will see on my resume, but there is a good likelihood I won't make it past adulthood with the way things are going, so why should that matter. Plus it's so so hard to focus. Even if I try I get distracted or start daydreaming or The Thoughts come back. And people will say "oh just pay attention" or "just don't daydream duh" and I cant. Like I physically cannot I am unable to do so. Plus the daydreams happen at random half the time and then I'm not in school anymore I'm in another world and everything's either going really well with things I wish would happen irl or everything is going absolutely horribly and u can't stop it. They're like "just do your work it's not that hard" I hear what you're saying but you're not hearing me bro. I can't 'just do it' and nobody seems to understand that except specific strangers on the internet.

There's other issues too but I am too scared to share them on tumblr rn and I know this may seem kinda dumb but if I live on this will affect me for life but it's so so numb and I'm so SO tired allll the time and sleep never helps at all and I literally just rot all day...

Literally the only reason I take care of myself at this point is so people don't judge me and idk if that's normal or not but I'm assuming it's not.. like if I have to go somewhere ill take a shower and brush my teeth and wash my face and put on perfume n shit but if not I will have a 'self care day' but idk if it's self care if the only thing I do is rot in bed all day and only get up to go to the bathroom or (sometimes) get food/water. I sleep so much and the days all blur together and it's so so so soo bad in summer. I think I have like reverse seasonal depression bc like when it's cold and dark and raining I THRIVE like never before (even if the constant tired doesn't go away, even if everything still sucks and I still hate the people I care about the most) it's just so nice. But in summer when it's hot and miserable and humid and my ac doesn't work and you can feel the mosquitos it is such a fucking low for me idk how to even describe it. When when we get the 2 months off for summer break it's so bad bro I think that's one of my lowest points excluding being in school when it's hot. If I didn't have church I know I would go those 2 months and not take care of myself at all and ik it sounds gross and it is and I hate it but why even try if I just fucking rot on my bed like a useless ass beached whale.

The crickets are gone

I miss them 💔

I don't get why it's so hard to sleep when I'm so so fucking tired or why I rot all day or why I'm so fucking angry and irritable all the time for no reason and it sucks ass tbh. And idk why I can't fucking do things like normal people can or why I think differently or why my thoughts are so fucked up and I disappoint the people I love. I don't really wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be here much longer, but I know I have to because if I do it it'll break them in ways they will never be able to fix, and I don't wanna be that selfish. I want to help people, I want to be confident, and I wanna make people smile. I want to be able to ignore the daydreams, to block out the characters in my head and The Thoughts that I hate so much, and I wanna stop doing shit like this when I don't deserve it.

But sometimes all you can do is find a cold, dark, and quiet place, and think for a while.

Sorry for the long post gang, see yall with a silly goofy post another day <3

#rant #vent #:3 #tw unalive thoughts #only near the end tho #long post #gross why do i have skin eughhhh #i nees to un body rn #why havent i hit the bottom

2 notes · View notes

ghostoffuturespast · 1 year

Text

There is nothing quite like the silence of a crowd. The innumerable eyes that watch but never see, The ears that hear but do not listen, The hands that touch but do not hold.

It shouldn't feel this way.

I shouldn't be robbed of joy, because no one bothers with a second glance, Nobody rips their heart out and lays it my feet, But I am. And it stings. A wretched thing that worms into a mind, Into a heart, Into a soul. Sours it, Makes it rot.

Even knowing it's all by design, I can't quit. It festers.

Because that need to belong, To connect, Is far too strong.

It is a feeling that is in constant need of being fed. Tended. So, when no one sees, Or listens, Or cares to hold you dear. When everyone else crowds you out, Smothers you.

Why share your joy when you'll never belong? When your love is met with silence, And when the crowd you yearn to be a part of, Never lets you in.

Rant below:

So, I've been in a real weird headspace all fucking week so of course I wrote some crappy poetry about it. I want to participate and be a part of the communities I'm in. I don't think that's unusual. For me or for other people.

And maybe I'm being fucking dumb about this and inordinately petty... but I really want to be a part of the CP2077 fandom. Like, truly. It's the first fandom I've been this involved with. But it's frustrating when others don't register that you exist, especially when you spend time with them in other spaces.

I don't need validation to make things. I'm venting because I'm struggling to feel included in all the spaces and communities I want to be a part of, but am feeling elbowed out of.

I know, I know. It's social media, it's a big space, we're all vying for attention. It's tumblr and discord. I understand people aren't plugged in all the time, people live their own lives, things come up, and not everyone is into the same things I am, and I'm not expecting everyone to be friends with me. I understand all of this in principal.

I know I got to the party late, but it's been a struggle to find a space and people were I genuinely feel welcomed or acknowledged around since I got here. And I'm not the most outgoing person to begin with so talking to people I don't know well is hard. I try to be supportive of other folks I know (or even don't), but it's getting real difficult to keep doing that when those same folks don't reciprocate on any level.

I know in the back of my head, not everyone is gonna like what I make and everyone has their limits on what they're able to do. But...

Is all the stuff I make that boring or bad? Did I do something wrong or piss people off? Does my introvertedness just make me horrendous at making friends? Am I setting my expectations too high?

Or am I blowing this all out of proportion and this is some ships in the night scenario?

Rationally, it's probably that last one.

Irrationally, I don't think the majority of people would even notice or care if I drop everything, walk away, and go back to being a hermit.

Maybe everything I just said is dumb and what I really need is to get over myself.

I will at some point.

It just feels shitty right now. And I can't stop thinking, what's the fucking point? If I wanted to be by myself, it's easy enough for me to go do that.

The point is I don't want to be by myself though. I don't want to be screaming my joy into an empty room. I want to be able to do it with other people and for some reason I'm having a real hard time connecting for whatever reason.

(It's also not helping that a lot of the people I was interacting with regularly have largely dispersed. I'm not mad at them about it. You do what you gotta do. I am frustrated and angry with how negative I've been about all this this past week, and I haven't been able to shake it.)

#rant #writing #rambling into the void #poetry #thoughts on social media and fandom #but honestly this pertains to a lot of instances in my life #if i have feelings about something i can always turn it into a poem #if you actually read all this thank you sincerely #does feeling this way make me an asshole?

9 notes · View notes

artisticgreaser0 · 1 year

Text

REGARDING WELCOME HOME NSFW!

Okay, I feel like this is need to be said. This is going to be a long ass rant about the NSFW and Antis side of the Welcome Home Fandom. I'm fed up with this shit.

People have been time to time,every single day, posting and venting on about Clown's boudaries like Clown is some lil kid that NEEDS to be taken care of. Some, even crying and spreading misinformation about how NSFW is going to ruin the fandom and make Clown take down the official WH website/project because artists have been breaking theirs rules, pity me. I'M SO TIRED AND DONE WITH ALL OF THAT BULLCRAP!

IT NEEDS TO BE ADRESSED, IN THIS WHOLE THING HOW THINGS HAD GONE BEHOND OUR CONTROL!

WE HAVE OUR ACCOUNTS,USERNAMES,PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS BEING SHOWN ON TIKTOK,TWITTER,TUMBLR PUBLICLY TO MINORS WHO LATER HARASS/REPORT/SUSPENDS US WHICH IS SOMETHING CLOWN DIDN'T WANT TO HAPPEN AT ALL! Why can't ya'll read the ''DON'T attack people on my behalf'' post Clown wrote? Don't you get what Clown is saying? He's saying (DO NOT ATTACK PEOPLE BECAUSE OF ME). if ya'll TRULY respect Clown's decicions HOW,JUST HOW IS THERE IS STILL HARASSMENT,DEATH THREATS AND TWITTER ACCOUNTS GETTING SUSPENDED???

And to use the ''oh but why do you expect us to respect you when you haven't respect Clown's boundaries?'' Like,thanks gee….I CLEARLY TRIED TO BE AN RESPONSIBLE ADULT BY NOT SPREADING IT MUCH FURTHER AND NOW MINORS ARE SEEING MINE AND MY FRIEND'S +18 ATWORKS ALL THANKS TO ALL OF YOU! How many times are ya'll gonna pretend like minors aren't stupid and horny to TRY to see our accounts and all the porn we do? Why are you even comfortable with the IDEA of a minor seeing a page full of pornographic content to begin with enough to EXPOSE our names and artworks to them!?

WHEN WE NEED TO BE THE ONES BLOCKING,PRIVATING,RECIEVING DEATH THREATS,HATE AND REFUSIE THE ANONIMOUS QUESTIONS maybe just MAYBE it's because we are human and FEEL!

The last time I had this talk with an anti the person was 22 FOLLOWING UP TO +15 MINORS from 15-17 years old, HOW CAN WE TRUST YOU FOR ANYTHING?

It'ld be PERFECTLY FINE if the people you words spreaded it to were just TO adults but NO, THE HASHTAG WE USED ISN'T NO LONGER A SECRET AND WHO HAS REVEALED IT? Antis. All of this and putting words into Clown's mouth and defending blindly everything for the sake of keeping the fandom pure! WE HAD AN SECRET HASTAG,NOW KIDS KNOW WHAT IT IS ALL THANKS TO Antis and VERY responsible adults! (sarcasm)

Guys,I'm nobody's fucking parents to be worried about what these kids watch on the internet and I'm EXTREMELLY TIRED OF HAVING TO BLOCK MINORS WHO FOLLOW ME(THIS SHIT HAS HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE!). If you want to bring awareness,this isn't the way to do it! As much as I hate talking about it, Clown HAS NOT helped regarding this topic. It's either a yes or NO question. If people misunderstood more than once what you said maybe it's because the message isn't clear, it's like you are writing like the words are making a fucking swirl and at the end there's no solid conclusion to what you just said.I have seen all this bullshit everyone keeps pulling, to realise that

Clown ISN'T A KID! THEY ARE THEIR OWN PERSON, THEY ARE A MATURE ADULT WHO TAKES DECISIONS!

and ya'll still keep attacking,harassing,reporting all because you don't see Clown as who they are!

Heck, directly asking, SHOWING OUR ACCOUNTS NAMES WHAT WILL IT DO? quick answer: Nothing!

-Minors will see our artworks -Minors will more easily find our artworks -You are gonna upset Clown -Minors will find our hashtags faster -They will expose our names -Accounts will be suspended -More hate and ranting within the community -pedo accusations and mass reporting

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? IS THIS WHAT YOU ALL WANTED TO HAPPEN SO THEN WHEN SHIT GOES WRONG YOU CAN BLAME US FOR IT?

Like, just tell me because I'm fed up. I love these characters AS MUCH AS YOU ALL DO! Nobody,nobody is doing this shit because we hate nor want to upset Clown! we all equally LOVE this project, but, this is TOO MUCH! And no one my friends nor me want this stuff to keep happening! we all are uncomfortable with minors and kids seeing our stuff, we private and they still lie,still prentend to see our shit because(SUPRISE NO SUPRISE) MINORS ARE FUCKING STUPID AND IMMATURE, THEY WILL NOT JUST REPORT AND IGNORE LIKE MANY THINK THEY DO!

I don't care if you hate me now,I open this will make someone reflect on the shit they go around spreading. I'll keep all my shit private and so will my moots because we are all tired to fight to keep this fandom stable. Bye.

#welcome home #welcome home arg #welcome home fandom #welcomehomensfw

7 notes · View notes

daydreaming-scheming-demon · 6 months

Text

how can people make friends so easily? how the fuck is it even possible to make a friend? or even do anything with anyone? i've heard stories of ppl who can just have casual sex with strangers and im just thinking, how the fuck is that possible? i can't even get someone to want to talk to me, the online world has been the only place where i even have a chance to hold a conversation.

i've listened to people's fucking advice on how to make friends and none of it works. they say "oh, well if u keep showing up to the same group of people or whatever eventually u're sure to make some friends" and NO, THAT DOES NOT FUCKING WORK. they just turn you into a background character. they're not interested in anything you have to say or do, they tune you out, i've seen it.

when we went bowling i was put in a lane all by myself because the lane everyone was playing on was full. i've been kept out of playing mario party because there weren't enough controllers. ive sat through an entire dnd session without doing anything besides looking at a letter because the dm forgot about me.

i shouldn't even be mad about any of that. because if im gonna be honest with myself, even if i were put in the same lane as everyone, even if i were able to join in on mario party, even if i were included more in the dnd session, i highly doubt i would've been able to make any friends anyway. because that's just the kind of person i am. it's not like i don't try to force myself to be included, ppl just seem to naturally push me away.

and just to clarify, they don't push me away in the "i don't like you" kind of way, they push me in away in the "i don't care for you" kind of way. and honestly, i think id rather they hated me. because at least then they would care about me.

i thrive much better in the online world, but even then i still feel like i'm missing a manual on how friends are supposed to be made. i see people on steam with thirty something friends, and although im aware most are likely not very close to the person, im still very much all "how the fuck did u meet all those people".

i can't even remember the last time i had physical contact. i would hug my therapist but due to reasons beyond my control ive only been able to have online sessions with her.

quite a while ago i had an online friend who i'd talk with quite a lot. she was so nice to me, always brightened me up. we'd talk for hours about each other's troubles and such. we knew each other ever since i was 15 and she was 14. she was the only thing keeping me sane through all those years. but almost a year ago now, she ghosted me. i still don't know why she did it, she never said anything. i can still see her online, she just avoids me. this ruined me. i was only left to assume the worst, that there was something wrong with me, and i didnt know what.

now i freak out over being ignored, i convince myself everyone secretly hates me. i know im probably wrong, it's not all about me. but i can't stop myself from thinking the worst. i fixate over if anyone will ghost me like she did. im trying to get over this, slowly but hopefully surely.

i have massive amounts of self hatred that feel impossible to get over. i cant think of a day where i havent told myself i hate myself, and recently ive been telling myself to kill myself more frequently. i want anyone who says "how can you expect others to love you when you can't even love yourself" to go die in a volcano. by the time i'm able to solve this self hatred problem i'd probably have already died from loneliness.

for fuck's sake, im venting on tumblr to whoever happens to see this. because i have nobody to fucking go to to express these feelings. i have nobody, so im venting to fucking tumblr. fuck.

i just wish i had someone.

3 notes · View notes

ecoamerica · 1 month

Text

youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

17K notes · View notes

mishkakagehishka · 2 years

Note

Not siding with enstars-gatekeeper, but I do see the point they're trying to make tbh. Nobody likes ooc stuff in any fandom community really and it is sad that like enstars-gatekeeper said that writers will get spam hate on their work for being ooc (it's more ao3 they were referring to I think as haven't seen it much on tumblr) and that's why fanfic writing is scary for some ig?

Again, I'm not siding with enstars-gatekeeper ofc but I agree with what they said about other communities acting that way towards writers but I certainly don't want Enstars to go down that way (honestly I thought there'd be more like gatekeeper with the likes of ES! not having an official English translation and how most lore apparently is shown in those stories, wouldn't know though as I've never read any).

What I never get though is why readers like that exist? Like isn't fanfiction supposed to be self indulgent and about having fun, not trying to basically extend what there is of canon content? Is it even possible to be 100% true to canon when writing considering fic writers aren't the creators of the source material?

I've been wanting to write fics myself but all the fandoms I'm in are like that and hate ooc fics. My main fixation is Enstars anyway and even tho I've been playing a while now, because I haven't read ES! I'm scared that I don't fully understand the characters now cause with the way some people,like gatekeeper, go on about it I'm under the impression that anything in ES!! isn't as accurate or I mean maybe as informative as ES! stories are and that I'd get a while new character basically if I read ES! (Its probably not that drastic but everyone is acting like it is so yeah)

Sorry if I'm venting by the way, seeing people like gatekeeper just annoy me as I wish no community had those "fans" 😅

Annoyance with OOC is understandable, but. Well. Exit the fic if it annoys you, you know? Out of all the (actually!) gross things that happens with fancreators, sending someone anon hate for writing smth OOC or writing a serial killer AU is just lame imo

That person said they wish more writers got anon hate for writing OOC, which is horrible, btw. Idc, if you wanna send someone abuse because they just misunderstood a character, that's loser behaviour. It's pathetic and it makes you a bully.

But you're right, as a fanfic writer, nothing I write will come close to canon-compliant. I can imitate canon and guesstimate what could be canon, but purely on account of "I don't work at happyele", everything I write today that "makes sense" could be contradicted by a future event. Hell, when this shuffle event comes out, they could reveal smth ab Shu that I never thought ab and that would render all my fics about him "OOC", that's just how it works with writing for ongoing media. It's why I don't like writing for ongoing media, but, alas, enstars is probably gonna outlive me at this point.

And yeah, fanfic is supposed to just be self-indulgent fun. Of course I believe certain topics should not be written about in fanfiction, especially if they're written in a romanticised way or a way meant to make certain immoral behaviour acceptable (as an example: the difference between writing yandere as horror vs as something romantic), but. Writing a character as OOC is just such a mild "misdemeanor". I don't like it, giving new fans and new writers grief over it.

I hope you'll feel comfortable to write in the future, I love seeing new writers and creators in general, especially considering the enstars fandom is small on tumblr. It really is just gatekeeper who's throwing us off tbh. ! is only "better" bc it's larger, it ran, like, 5 years or so? And !! has been running for 2, so it has a lot more content, yes, but I don't think it's that bad. The characters changed and evolved (a joy of enstars), and writing a character based on their ! characterisation would still end up as OOC unless you're writing them in the ! setting. Writing a character in the !! as you know them in !! should be fine, I believe. Like, ! might be good info to have for the subtleties, but most of what I know from ! are things I never explicitly mention, just weave through their characterisation. Making a character like Mika avoid eye contact when nervous isn't a big deal at all - but it's my way of saying, "It's hard to get rid of old habits, especially of ones so ingrained in a person. Even if he's learning to love himself, he still kept the habit of hiding the eyes he grew up hating when he feels threatened".

At the end of the day, fandom drama is childish. Fandom drama that starts because someone hates "OOC fics" (of all the things) is even more childish. It's really not hard to exit a fic you don't like. It's more effort to type up hate for it.

#man idk #it's just discouraging - i don't care for what people think of my writing if it's negative #but young writers will not have the confidence that more experienced ones have #bc i've been writing for years - literally years - and i already know #i don't even notice anymore the notes i get on my writing. i release it and it stops existing until someone comments on it #but new writers will be more fragile and. i just feel bad #bc this is a hobby that gives me so much happiness and joy and i don't want someone who #would also derive joy from writing to be bullied into dropping it.#asks

12 notes · View notes

peacht44 · 1 year

Text

literally screaming for him to wake up and see me and appreciate me for everything I’ve done for us since coming back home to him after the break(up) because he is losing me, I’m getting tired of fighting. And still he is apathetic at best.

Currently in financial ruin for this “man” ama.

Idc if this isn’t want tumblr is for- I literally have lost my entire family due to my decision to come home and try to make it work with him again after what he did to me, they don’t respect me and are keeping their distance. So I have no family of my own blood (just my little fam who adopted me as their own for giving their dad another chance) and exactly 1 friend who lives on the other side of the country. I have no one and nothing currently (other than a sick ass LDR stash necklace dupe on the way 🙌🏻) so forgive my old ass for being a MySpace kid who hated fb and went offline during the tumblr era, I’m just gonna rant here when I need because NOBODY knows me here.

It’s been 8 years since I attempted last, but each and every day lead me further down that path again and my depression sinks deeper and deeper and gets darker and more unholy by the day 😪 I’m too sunny and too bubbly to feel this way god I hate feeling this way. It would be so easy too and then 🤫 all quiet, no more pain physical or metaphysical or even emotional god that would be a dream. I can’t even buy my dad a Father’s Day or birthday gift (both back to back this month) because I threw my whole paycheck on the house we share that he’s refused to pay for (or even work for like physically Have a job for) in almost 2 years.

Where tf did my self respect go?? Why can’t I be the baddie I try to uplift other women to be when they’re down? Why am such a pushover who let’s him get away with murder??

My whole life is falling apart and all I can think is that no one is coming to save me this time. All I have is me and my own back, and even I hate me. I wish so badly I could be someone else, literally ANYONE else, and so I wish even harder for the silence. That eerie quiet to be only pierced by occasional muffled wails that I let out behind my hand clamped over my mouth through gritted teeth with the vent turned as high as it can go where no one can hear me slowly lose every single part of me that made me human, or even just me.

Maybe a nice grippy sock vacation WOULD be just the ticket to getting my mental back on track. At least it would be quieter there, in my head and in my bubble. For now my only comfort are racing nightmare anxious thoughts that play on a loop every minute or every hour of every day, I can’t seem to quieter them or stop a panic attack anymore. I don’t even know how to breathe on my own any more. I am 36 and no better off than living on my own for the first time at 16 again, and all I want to do is d*e, sometimes. Or kill the pathological people pleaser I give all of my energy to being. It’s time to go scorched earth on this Mf but it still won’t make him see me, or love me; or appreciate me for being a GD DISABLED WOMAN HE HAS LET FINANCIALLY SUPPORT HIM FOR 2 YEARS NOW. It’s gaslight gate-keep and hypocrisy 24/7 on my life so maybe it’s time to girlboss my way tf out of it and ghost every living soul I know, pack up my fur babies and flee this hell hole I’ve let my life become again. This Mf couldn’t even bother TO DO A THING for my birthday this year but cry about how he couldn’t afford a gift for me. Not try to earn some cash to even go on a date, just whine about not having the funds and then having the audacity to pass out on me early and let me agonize over every single thing I’ve fucked up in my life lately by diving deep down a cold lane with him again.

Nothing feels real anymore. I don’t even feel like a person. I’m so numb yet so soft and emotional and unstably sad all of the time but all I do is avoid it. Sitting in this pain might kill me, I can’t risk that.

#iawtds

4 notes · View notes

howdon-aldi-death-queue · 1 year

Note

Please can you tell you friend @theborders that it’s too late to delete posts and act like nothing happened. Alexa has seen them and is upset. I think she should apologise. I didn’t realise telling her would be so bad considering they were posted on a public website. How can you post stuff about someone on a public blog and expect them not to see? Also she probably told Sam about how she loved country just to be close to him

Okay, this is a late reply considering this was sent to me the other day, but I wasn't sure whether replying or not since I thought this would've simmered down. Well, I was wrong.

Things that drive me insane: a bullet point

• Faceless users on the internet exhorting strangers online to do something.

Going 28 and I usually don't take any advice from people who aren't in my personal bubble, but I'll make an exception today. So, I oblige. @theborders this anon is dying to let you know what they think 👉🏻🥺👈🏻

• Faceless users (omg! once again) not paying attention to the content of the different blogs they dive into.

I don't know if you're new here, but I have said many times that I'm not interested in it, therefore I have never posted any gossip, it's my policy. I don't give a flying sock about it. I don't know why you sent this to me, you would've spared this wordy rant from my behalf. We were talking about gossip, weren't we? Well I don't like it, but other people do and it's fine because it's life. Everyone's different, you know. A blog is like a house; every house has its own rules, same goes with blogs. Everyone's free to talk about whatever they please on their blog and I am nobody to tell people to apologise for things they've said about certain matters (I don't have an opinion about as I don't care about the matter per se). It's not my purpose on Tumblr. I am nobody's mother lmao

• People venting about something they've done and I have nothing to do with. Sorry, but you did tell Alexa and put theborders in a very bad mood and now you're gonna take the consequences that come with it. It's too late.

(For the record, I have just got the gist of what happened with Alexa considering I don't give a shit about gossip - yeah, I think it's good pointing it out every now and then to make it seep in order to avoid the wordy rant mentioned earlier. You say she's upset and I get it, but I mean she's a public figure and people on the internet talk about public figures, that's nothing new. Same thing for what you've said on chatting about what she did on a public blog. There's no difference. So... 🤷🏻‍♀️)

• People thinking they're the good ones for the purpose of """helping""" their peers, but they drag others down instead.

Can you imagine giving away to thousands of bystanders private information, like the place where someone lives just because you don't like what a person has said/done?! Mad stuff that. You doxxed her. I don't believe you realise what you've done. It gives unhinged vibes. You are eligible for a charge. Plus, you cyberbullied and harassed her by leaking her personal info online. I think the penalty for the guilt commited isn't quite right. There's a significant imbalance. We're only human after all, making mistakes is within our fallible nature. Your actions reek of arrogance. You can make mistakes as well, and sure enough you did so I am having words with you. No one is infallible and you're not a judge to decide what to do with people you think they did wrong in your eyes. Believe it or not, she didn't say anything that lousy to give away her info online. Stop being obsessed with this whole thing. We're trying to forget about it but you seem to be relentlessly devoted to drama.

• People hiding behind anonymous asks and not having the courage to come off anon to have a normal interaction with the person everything started with. Do you think that sending anons to every Sam Fender blog related on Tumblr is a clever move? Think twice before you do something.

One more thing before I go, are you trying to plant the seed of gossip on my blog with "Also she probably told Sam about how she loved country just to be close to him"? Anyway, I don't know what you're referring to as I don't know every detail of what happened AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

6 notes · View notes

bulletbilltime · 1 year

Text

Ok I need to vent about "LIKES DO NOTHING" discourse because I have had Thoughts for months now.

These are just feelings without much coherent thought put into them so lmk if I get something wrong. (LONG POST WARNING)

I'm gonna start by saying that I agree with the message that's INTENDED to be spread. Letting people know that reblogs are an important and essential part of Tumblr's ecosystem is good! Tumblr not having (much of, anyway) an algorithm is an important part to emphasize to newcomers of the website. And I know *why* people prefer getting reblogs to likes on their art purely from an exposure angle: reblogs expose the art to more people, who will themselves maybe like it and reblog it to more people.

That being said, the way people act about likes is... genuinely bothersome to me. There's a really fucking weird framing of likes as literally The Worst Thing Ever. Like you're a complete and utter monster for having the gall to show appreciation for their work. And all that really does is make ppl feel guilty about how they curate their blog. "Why would they not reblog the work then, if they like it???" Well there's many reasons! They might not want to share nsfw content to their followers. They might not want to spoil their followers with fanart of the latest episode of a show. They might have specific criteria for reblogging! Maybe they have a family member following them, and they don't want to be outed for liking queer stuff! I don't think anyone particularly owes anyone an explanation for liking only.

"Why not use a side blog to reblog then, if any of the above apply?" Because that blog won't have the followers of that other blog? Why would you want someone to reblog from a dummy account, if that account has nearly nobody following them? That would be defeating the purpose of the reblog in the first place; all you'd get out of it is an extra Note, which makes it functionally indistinguishable from a like.

Now I want to focus on the one thing that annoys me the most about the framing of this discourse: the idea that people only like because they think it'll boost the engagement. This is why I think people say ridiculous stuff like "likes do nothing". Well, let me tell you something. C'mere real close.

LIKES ARE FOR LIKING THINGS.

It's in the NAME! People "like" things to show their appreciation for a piece of art/meme/etc! I highly doubt that people who only like art do so with the delusion that what they actually help the artist get more exposure, even on other social media websites. The average layperson leaves a like to show they enjoyed a post. That's it. They don't think about The Algorithm, they just see post and hit like. That's how people act on other social media websites, and I'd wager even a good chunk of "old-hat" Tumblr users do this too.

Are they in the wrong for doing that? Well I think that varies from person to person, but I personally appreciate any interaction on an art post. Sure, reblogs get more eyes on things, and that's highly valuable to get even more likes, so I absolutely do love getting reblogs, but I'm not about to get mad at every single person who likes without reblogs. I also just think that's a very unhealthy attitude to have about art in general, which leads me to my next point:

The internet as a whole just... sucks for artists. It's an annoying and unfortunate truth, but this feeling of "oh my work doesn't get nearly enough attention as I wish it did"? I've experienced it everywhere I posted content to. Whether that was DeviantArt or Twitter or w/e, it's always been the same thing. I don't tend to accrue a lot of followers for the work I do in general, and that means that my content will only get a handful of engagements, if any at all. And I know a lot of other artists face that issue, and it's because of a very simple fact: THERE IS SO MUCH ART ONLINE. Fact of the matter is, you're gonna be fighting against others for exposure, and luck is basically the only real way people can break out of that initial circle.

And on a similar lane: fanart and memes just get more interaction as a whole because they are more "shareable". Memes are just easy to share because they're funny and very accessible to most people. Fanart isn't as accessible, but it still has a potential audience if your follower base has enough fans in it, or if you're friends with ppl who like similar things to that work. But original art just doesn't have as much of a shareability. You'd think they would be more accessible by virtue of not being tied to a fandom... but because it's not tied to something people can easily search, original art gets decimated in the interactions department, unless you have a pre-existing fanbase.

I don't think this is a problem with an easy solution. And I certainly don't think shaming people is going to be the way, tbh.

But wouldn't this be all the more reason to push back and demand that people to reblog and not just like? Well... on to my next point: The Internet at large has rarely looked kindly upon those who beg for attention and interactions. People literally make fun of calls to actions on YouTube, after all. So I fear people are going to turn on people who post things like "reblogs > likes" and whatnot. I've already noticed a good amount of people beginning to get actively mad towards this sort of attitude, and passive-aggressive polls that are like "do YOU support our reblogs in blue????". I don't think this aggressive reblog shaming trend is going to end well IMO.

But reblogs are the life source of Tumblr, right? If people don't want to reblog... then won't that kill the site? Well... I guess that's the tricky spot: for artists that need commissions to make a living, there's a genuine reason for wanting art to be shared. Exposure translates to commissions for them. And if they can't get exposure, they'll have to turn towards other means of making a living. And if a lot of artists have to stop making art or leave Tumblr... then yeah that would suck for the site. Like, don't get me wrong, as annoyed as I am towards how weirdly petty these posts are, I understand why they're made. And I'm all for encouraging more support to artists, but this ain't it y'all.

So how can we promote supporting artists without shaming? Well... here's some suggestions:

Let's stop this weird culture around shaming likes. This isn't getting anywhere and it's only gonna make people turn away from interacting with art at all. Can you imagine if YouTubers started getting angry at people who don't leave a like or subscribe? Like, genuinely making passive aggressive posts and videos about them? That would be wack, right? So let's not be like that.

Second, I think that emphasizing the GOOD that reblogs can do should be encouraged. Examples: "Reblogs get more eyes on art! If you really like an artist's content, reblog it and it might lead to that artist getting more followers! If you reblog, you're doing your part in helping an artist get exposure!" People want to feel like they're doing a good thing, so help them see the good that reblogging does, rather than lecturing on the evils of not doing so.

Third... do your part! Go look for artists who don't have a lot of interactions, and reblog their work! Spending your energy interacting with fellow artists, making connections, and supporting each other's work is going to do so much more in the long run than trying to fight a losing battle with General Internet Apathy. Besides, a reblog from asspissballs69 isn't going to have nearly as much of an impact as a reblog from someone who actually has a following. Tumblr doesn't have algorithms, but follower counts do still matter even if we can't see them.

Fourth, if we wish to actually change the hearts and minds of "Serial Likers", we need to actually understand why people like in the first place. One point I can think of is that people who come in from other social media may be afraid to spam their followers with things they like. I think that's absolutely an aspect of Tumblr that doesn't really carry over as well to other websites, and putting more emphasis on that should be done. Personally, this was my biggest obstacle to embracing reblogging fanart. So I think having more empathy and understanding of the issue, and addressing concerns these people may have would go a long way in helping us make the case for reblogging.

If you've read this far, thanks for engaging with this rambly post! If you have objections to the arguments I make, feel free to reply but BE CIVIL and constructive. I *will* block people who get aggressive or read in bad faith.

#bulletbilltime rambling #absolute fucking long post #let me clarify that this isn't the end of the world btw #this is a very tame discourse topic #and at the end of the day I get that a lot of those posts are made from a place of frustration over not getting as much engagement #and believe me I've been there!#I *AM* there!#but if we actually want to change things for the better then we need to actually understand the issue at hand #and not just get angry at people #yes i know what website i'm on let me have some faith in humanity ok

3 notes · View notes