#tumblr probably compresses them a little too but still | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

1moremilgram-enjoyer · 6 months

Note

I'm really glad to ask some (a lot, lol) question~ 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 12 for Es 2, 5, 11, 12, 14 for Amane and 3, 5, 6, 19, 20, 21 for Kazui ❤

Yay questions!

CW Cults and indoctrination, child abuse, internalized homophobia

1- Favorite song lyrics?

They don't have a lot to pick from, huh? But from Undercover, it's probably:

The fine line between "Hate" and "OK" Shouldn't you look beyond your EGO, before it all ends?

The first line, to me, really encapsulates how black and white the judgement system in Milgram is, and thus how horrendously inefficient it is. There's very little we can actually do to convey nuance in our voting, it really is a choice of just "you're perfectly okay and have done nothing wrong" or "we hate you and think there is no way you could ever be Forgiven", with only the 50% voting line separating the extremes. Sure, we can try to communicate with the voices in their head, but that's highly unreliable and unpredictable, so in practice "hate or ok" are really our only options. And Es' by extension.

Then the other line, asking to look beyond our own experiences to understand people with lives extremely different from our own, and how we have to do it fast because we don't exactly get unlimited time to come to our conclusions.

Though of course, this isn't just about us. Es is the one singing to themself in a way, and seeing how these things are phrased, it really helps show that despite how Es always act in control and on top of things, they still have their doubts and worry about how their judgement can affect the prisoners.

There's also Hibana, and for Es (and in general) my favorite lyric there is:

I don’t want to love a weak-minded love Come on, make it hurt more properly Going so far it’s no longer funny, is surely much more enjoyable come on, melt me more properly

Going by my personal interpretation of what the hell is going on in this cover, this line really ties together the meaning of Es wanting to make decisions with confidence, when it actually gives them extreme anxiety. Which, I do realize makes no sense when you look at the line by itself but I swear it works in the context of the wider interpretation.

2- Favorite MV moment/frame?

They have like three scenes what am I even supposed to say. Anyways it's probably this one.

It's definitely the most intriguing thing related to Es themselves in my opinion, only really challenged by the time they show up after all the smiles. The reason I'm not using that one is that it's difficult to tell whether or not it actually is Es even though contextually it's the only thing that makes sense.

Anyways about this spotlight scene. I like that Es isn't wearing all their uniform; they're missing the cape, the hat, the 'reciffO nosirP' (Prison Officer) and 'tse mudnatibud subinmo eD' ("Everything must be doubted" in Latin) band things... The point is to show that there is a person under all that, Es is not just the Warden. It's still a heavy part of their person, as they're still wearing most of the outfit, the gloves, and the keychain thing, but it's not all they are. Plus the spotlight and their expression, because again, as much as Es tries to confidently judge others, they themselves can get nervous when confronted, when there's a 'spotlight' placed on them.

Anyways I like it :D

3- Favorite non-MV official illustration?

This question made me realize I really don't know how many non-MV illustrations there are lol. Anyways here's the Tumblr compressed version of the third anniversary artwork.

I just love how this looks, and there's two Es'! That's double the fun! Plus them literally trying to grab at the prisoners' minds like grabbing at sand; it always falls off, Es literally cannot grasp what's going on in all their lives. Love it.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

You'd think it would be difficult to pick considering the guy shows up in literally all the VDs.

It isn't.

[Of Blessedness and Punishment] Amane: You're a child, too! Es: Wrong. I'm fifteen, so I'm an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti. You're twelve, so you're a child no matter the country. Amane: ...!! Es: Hehe. You look angry. Amane: I don't. Es: You do. Amane: I don't!!

The siblings ever. The fact Es completely made up the fact is even funnier.

For something more serious:

[TASK] Es: What is this shit about being a companion? I exist to judge your sins - as a guard! I don't have the need to shake hands with you! Kotoko: Es? You don't see yourself as the executioner, right? Es: ...!? Kotoko: I've said it before, there are a lot of sinners which the law cannot punish. On the reverse, it is the same, there are also innocent people who are wrongly accused due to unsound laws. You also have the duty to forgive these people, no? Es: Haaah… Kotoko: You are not the executioner who convicts people for their sin. The person who offers to save the murderers who deserve to be forgiven.. It's also you. Es: Aaah.. Mm.. *shallow gasping* Kotoko: Come, Es… then, listen to my sin… Es: *gasp* Prisoner number 10.. Kotoko.. Come..! Sing… your… sins… *sob*

Es angst inject that shit in my soul-

[Imposter Boulevard] Es: It’s a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. Kazui: It’s personal? Es: Yeah. That’s right. Kazui: That’s strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a Warden, you had some things you dislike, but… Es: … Kazui: Isn’t it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? Es: You’re splitting hairs.

In case it's not obvious, I love when the mask slips a bit and we can tell Es as a person is more than just an extension of the audience. Look! They have personal dislikes! And of course it's Kazui who gets to see a bit of the "real" Es surfacing, because who the hell else would it be?

There's way more of course, but I have to limit myself a bit.

6- Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

Amane. Again, the siblings ever.

More seriously, it's not just that I love their interactions when they're fucking around, I also love all the parallels and the ideological clashes. The undying devotion to an extremely harmful system. The view of themselves as an extension of a group rather than as an individual ("we? what's we?"). The way they both hate being seen as children, forced to grow up too fast. The way they both try to convince themselves they're happy with their life and condition, to the point it's almost convincing, until you look closer and see the cracks. How Amane hates Es because of what they've done to her, because they're the same as her abusers in her eyes. How Es goes dead silent when Amane brings up their similarities, when usually they'd lash out at the mere idea of the Warden being like a prisoner, because they understand to an extent. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

I also love Es' dynamics with most of the prisoners, but Amane is something else.

7- Favorite relationships with another character if they weren't in Milgram, the way you'd imagine or would like them to be?

Honestly, this one's kinda hard because so much of Es' character is directly linked to Milgram. Imagining them outside the Panopticon in general is sorta difficult.

I think they and Amane could still be besties, but other than that, maybe Yuno? I think she wouldn't feel the need to put up a front next to the "I hate everyone anyways" vibe Es gives off, so they'd be judgmental buddies! Just imagine them doing each other's makeup while shit-talking everyone they can think of. Maybe throw Muu in for extra shit and giggles.

12- What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I mean, literally anything? Es isn't discussed very often, which I guess makes sense, but it's unfortunate. More specifically, I wish people discussed the more concrete things we know about their personality a bit more. There's plenty of posts speculating on what is going on with them; where they came from, whether or not they're related to the prisoners in some way, what is their connection with the eleventh cell, that kind of stuff. And that's all very fun, I love those posts! But I have never seen an Es character analysis the same way I've seen analyses for practically all other characters (<- also hasn't written a proper analysis of them beyond the Hibana cover post). Still, I do understand why people don't, there's a lot of interesting characters in Milgram!

Amane

2- Favorite MV moment/frame?

This is like asking me to pick a favorite child what do you mean. I love her MVs too much why would you do this to me.

Anyways here's my favorite child moment.

Look at her!!! She's going to fucking destroy her mother let's go girlie fucking kill!

I just love how happy she looks here. Plus the eyes, the eyes. This entire part of the MV is great, it just makes me happy to see Amane happy you know what I mean? Plus the whole rainbow and rain and umbrella symbolism, and the fiction bleeding into reality (the eyes!), it's all awesome. I love her so much, she should smile like this when she stabs Shidou in the stomach I think he'd understand.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

I could be cheap and tell you it's the same as Es', but it's really not.

[Apostle and Death] Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour. [...] Amane: ...isn’t it condescending of you to assume that just because I happen to be a child, I am incapable of hating someone enough to kill them?

Amane Freudian slipping into admitting she fucking despised her mother will never not be extremely entertaining to me. Yes, talk about how much you fucking hate her, kill girl kill!

[Of Blessedness and Punishment] Amane: You fool. Isn't MILGRAM trying to enforce a new standard of judgment precisely because laws cannot guide this world onto the right path? Are you still being weighed down by the law? [...] Amane: "We"? What's "we"? Are you not just "I"? Es: ... I...? Amane: Aren't we the same? Me and Guard-san.

PARALLELS

Also when she attacked Es with scissors. I think Milgram should have allowed it, it would have been funny if the Warden just fucking died before Trial 2 ended.

11- What are your favorite points about their story and the narrative surrounding them?

What aren't my favorite points of her narrative? Again asking me to pick a favorite child here.

If I had to pick one, probably the way the line between her cult's beliefs, Amane's interpretation of her cult's beliefs, and Amane's own desires blurs to a point it's really hard to figure out what she's actually thinking at any given time. Especially because of how Amane views all these things. Her cult is unquestionable but also she subconciously hates a lot of its aspects and twists its beliefs to justify her actions to herself. Her desires are sinful and animalistic (Animal cover and cat parallels go brrrrrr), but she still wants to follow them so so badly. Ugh, internal conflict my beloved.

And also I love how desperate she is to endure everything that's happened to her. Her unrelenting will to survive and go against the people who hurt her, the way she's still glad to have been born, the way she still tries so hard to be happy and make others around her happy. Holy shit this kid is the strongest (in terms of willpower) character in Milgram and no one can tell me otherwise, it's so unfair she has to be that way it makes me immensely sad augh-

And also I love how angry she gets occasionally. How spiteful and rage filled she can be. I will never get tired of seeing Amane in pure, unfiltered fury. Yes, girl, stab Es with scissors, kill your mom, stab Shidou, do it!

And also (could keep going for several thousand words)

12- What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I think Amane is discussed pretty well here on Tumblr, much as I've heard horror stories about what the Discourse looks like in other sites. But if there's one thing I wish more people brought up is how despite everything, Amane is motivated by the desire to make everyone happy. Positive Parade cover go brr.

Especially in things like the Fuuta situation. I feel like some people see it as just her trying to recruit for her cult or something, when really she's just trying to help him. Same with warning Mahiru against medicine to "save her soul" in a way. Healing the cat. Becoming the "perfect girl", the March Leader with the cloud ribbon, to make her abusers happy. Trying to make the best of the situation by attempting to turn Milgram into an ideal world. Trying to stay happy because that's the one thing she's worked towards her entire life.

In fact, I personally believe this is why Yuuri is depicted in Magic as maybe "kinder" than the others (might make a post about that at some point). Its ordainment is "Thou shall deliver unto those thou believest in", as in, "help those you believe deserve it." This is the one ordainment which is actually kinda in line with Amane's desires, so she imagines Yuuri as less angry at her and more compassionate than the others.

My point is that a lot of the time I feel her actions are talked about as either just motivated by her cult or just motivated by Amane's """sinful""" desires, be it her anger at her abusers or her cravings like wanting to eat cake, when really I think the happiness thing is the main motivator behind those things and it's not quite talked about as much. Does that make sense?

14- Any headcanons on their appearance?

Huh, I usually don't have many headcanons on appearance, but I can try.

I think my favorite is Amane having really sharp fangs. Like, talking anime style unrealistically sharp fangs that make her a terrifying hisser. Cat Amane my beloved.

...

Also she has small (say, 0,5 cm diameter), red circular scars all over her back. Stun gun injuries (no picture on the link) basically. Listen things with Amane can't stay very wholesome for very long-

Kazui

3- Favorite non-mv official illustration?

Uh... Maybe his door?

(That's kinda small lol)

It looks nice as it is, plus it has some nice symbolism as does every door image. I just think it's neat.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

[Imposter Boulevard] Kazui: I despise myself for lying, too. Being a liar, you see – it’s painful. Es: Heh. Then just– Kazui: So I’ve tried to change! I’ve tried to change. I have tried to stop lying to myself and others! Es: … Kazui: I’ve confided in others. I’ve tried to be myself! I’ve tried to just be the way I was born! Es: …Hey, Kazui– Kazui: It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…! Es: Kazui… Kazui: I can’t live unless I lie. That’s how I was born… I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

I mean, come on. It's the basis of his character and crime, and the voice acting is fucking insane in this section. Apart from how emotional it is, I also like that it still ends in the same somewhat performative self-loathing Es calls him out for in the first VD.

[Gouging in the Night] Es: Showing a hint of weakness and trying to get on my good side like that… Is that another one of your "adult techniques"? [...] Is there anyone who lets themselves get fooled by a specifically prepared "weak" side of yourself? I see, I see… So these are the kinds of skills that you gain when you've lived for a long time.

Gotta love it when a character regrets something bad enough not to be able to forgive himself for it, but he's so afraid of facing consequences and social reprimand because he's built his entire worth around others' opinions that he still heavily plays up the self-loathing to be pitied.

Timelines [23/9/2] Yuno: Haha, we both lie, don't we? The difference is the reason for lying. Kazui-san, you lie to protect yourself, because you're important to yourself. For me, no one is particularly important. That includes myself as well.

Unlike Yuno, who explicitly doesn't want to be pitied. Love these two.

I don't know if I'm explaining it right, but that's what I get from the whole mess.

6- Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

I love his interactions with Yuno, of course, the Liar Duo. Yuno is such a little bitch to him all the time, I adore it. However, I also love his dynamic with Es, if they count for this question. Kazui's VDs are great.

But honestly Kazui has a lot of good options here. The smoking group with Shidou and Mikoto is fun, his interactions with Mahiru and Amane are also always nice, etc.

19- What do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

Extremely closeted homosexual, of course. Probably tried to """compensate""" in some way by acting as traditionally masculine as possible, I imagine he was quite the dudebro. With how much emphasis his parents seem to have put on his strength and tradition, I get the feeling he may have been a somewhat stereotypical jock.

That's why I think he may have done a lot of really stupid shit as a teenager and tries to distance himself from them now, which is why he puts so much emphasis on his age despite being less than forty years old. He feels like a completely different person than who he was as a teen, and while he was always self-concious about a lot of shit, he's maybe especially self-concious of the shit he did when he was younger.

Don't take any of that very seriously, though. All of that is practically headcanon vaguely guided by the text!

20- What do you think their social life was like before milgram?

Going off the previous idea, I imagine he only kept a few connections from his teenage years, which is why the one childhood friend he brings up is so notable to him. It's the only one who Kazui really wanted to stick around.

There's obviously Hinako and Kazui's other coworkers, fellow policepeople. The way I interpret the bar scenes in half is Kazui meeting with friends, the bartender being the childhood friend and the woman being someone he met as an adult.

Other than that, I imagine he was pretty closed off and didn't talk to many other people. He seems like the type to enjoy a mostly closed off friend group, but I don't really have anything to support that claim other than vibes alone so.

21- Do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

Uh... I guess personality-wise we're not too different. In real life, I'm quiet and reserved, don't express much emotion, mostly have a "well this is happening now I guess. We vibe though" attitude to most of what goes down in my life, and don't like talking about myself much which yes is making this question sorta difficult.

Thanks for all the questions! This took a while lol.

#milgram #amane momose #kazui mukuhara #es milgram #000 #ask game

21 notes · View notes

lauriemarch · 3 months

Text

i feel stupid with age– my tongue has become a numb, angry thing that can only swear with the rage of a teenaged girl (fuck you, you motherfucker, you're the lousiest bitch in this joint, he's an asshole and a fucking idiot, what the fuck, amirite?!) and my fingers type with the same ease and expertise of a newborn. i'm getting older and i'm getting dumber, i'm so sure of it, my brain was everything when i was seventeen and i could set the world on fire if i even had the inkling.

i believed in myself when i was young in a way that i can't fathom at this old-bones age, this spry young thing wrapped up in a spinster's bones, clawing red and bloodied at the flesh that is pockmarked with mosquito bites and acne scars that won't give the hell up. and my mom has always told me that swearing makes me seem less intellectual so i leave it out of my writing but honest to God, i've never felt as brilliant as when i was using words like dipshit and bitch-ass and goddamn and balancing precariously on them, like a newborn baby deer, still trying to figure out how the world really felt about me.

now i'm clumsy and wise. my heart has been broken and i've been to the hairdresser all on my own and i pay a rent that's too high for a city that hates me a little too much. i have an EBT card. i think about becoming an influencer, because that's probably a hell of a lot easier than getting a graduate degree. i don't write anymore, i have a google doc full of first sentences to stories i'll never hear the end of (my play about Goneril, the scorned eldest daughter of King Lear. fanfiction for a litany of tv shows i enjoy. a sad stringing together of flash fiction i write about my own life when my tears can only compress themselves into a mess of the english language.) and i begin drafts of tumblr rantings that i can never screw the cap all the way on.

i wrote something about six months ago that gets pretty regular traction, and the novelty has worn off. people call me soft and bitchy in the comments for writing about something that still sends dull aches through me when i give it the time of day. i'm getting dumber as i get older, sacrificing all of the energy i gripped like hot, wet heat, for the definitive understanding of a world who doesn't want to give anything in return.

#it's a rambling!#landslide by fleetwood mac #what does this mean you ask #i don't know i respond #dark academia #light academia #studyblr #booklr #studying #light acadamia aesthetic #study notes #book blog #little women #poetry #womanhood #does this count as womanhood?#i'm counting it #girlhood #getting older

15 notes · View notes

orangezinnia · 2 years

Text

Marius's Mechanism, and speculation on its bioengineering

so, the elephant in the room. who built Marius's mechanism? how, exactly, does it keep him alive, if it isn't by Dr. Carmilla's masterwork?

today, i seek not to answer those questions. instead, easier ones! such as "what type of microelectrodes are used for somatosensory" and "where does osseointegration begin, and would there be wireless myoelectric leads?"

should this have probably waited until TDOBVR was released, so i could obtain potential new and updated details on the workings of Marius's brachial mechanism? no! 'cause i am not nearly that patient! anyway, 7.5k words and 3 distinct Sections under the cut!

(and for those of you who don't have the time to read 7.5k, there's a TLDR at the very very end!)

CW's for: avid descriptions of surgical procedures, medical injuries, generally invasive and fleshy experiments.

Sections-

How does it doggone move? an introduction to our dilemma - creating an external power source - alternative compliance designs in the fingers

How does it flippin' feel? peripheral nerve electrodes - reproducing bidirectional feedback - the epic highs and lows of highschool osseointegration

Why the shit does it do that? vestigial features - SKIN - closing statments and TLDR

but! before making like intrepid heros and striding into the treacherous heath of biomedical and neuroprosthetic jargon, it'd do well to get a refresher on what little lore there is to know Marius's mechanism so far, as like scavengers upon a tragedy, each scrap is sure to have its use. the checklist isn't long, but i'm enamoured with every bit of it-

Alongside Raphaella, (and potentially Tim), it wasn't created or implanted by Doc C. src: tumblr

Whereas the mechs normally 1) heal on command or instantly, 2) don't get hurt at all, or 3) may ignore a wound at leisure, Marius only "regenerates [his kneecaps] when he dies" src: Kofi's twitter

The casing of his fingers are occasionally "organic". src: Kofi's twitter (i still adore the insistence that the mechs aren't human. makes it lovingly impossible to humanize them!)

The surgical procedure, or perhaps the interface styling, that anchored Marius to his mechanism was "botched". src: Kofi's blog post about TDOBVR

Marius "always approached the concept of immortality with a little bit more skepticism than the rest of [The Mechanisms]". src: DTTM :(

way hey, look! i've got links this time!

so, How does it doggone move?! in this case, the TDOBVR post can half-help with that! (and count your lucky stars about it, too). directly quoted-

"Byron [Marius] is from a world that has devolved through an endless war of attrition. Once highly advanced, technology has regressed to circa 18th century fare..."

meaning, since we don't know where or who he got the arm from, its composition is either really advanced, or hilariously crude. but it would seem- or, i thought- if this is the same arm that's going to keep him alive for eons upon eons through supernatural powers, it's likely to be the same sort of technology which constitues those big mechas.

then, you know, i was all ready to explain to you lot about shape memory polymers, and heat wire electrodes, and the many plus sides of artifical muscle fibers, including but not limited to tolerance strain, industrial-like strength, and being the one of the most lightweight options when it comes to mass-producible robotics...

...and then i realized- i'm going too easy on him! what are the chances that Marius is receiving the "leading innovation"? nope! more likely, he's getting acquainted with pneumatic concepts from 1910's Germany that flunked! haHA!

oh, i mean that by the way. here it is-

[ID: A black and white conceptual schematic of a compressed gas-powered hand from 1919, showing a thumb-side and top-down sketch. Top down, there are four parallel cylinders in the palm, but complex gear systems only in the index and thumb. An airline, captioned "Luffzufuhr", comes up from the wrist. Thumb-side, the gear systems are clearer, as is a fifth cylinder for the thumb. /end ID]

this diagram, and that single annotation of "luffzufuhr", translating from German to "air supply", is literally all i can find about it. thankfully, there's at least one other research paper who has attempted to revive this general concept, which makes things much easier for me! both by way of not having to figure it out all by myself, and not having to choose between 300 different styles of motor systems. yippie!

to lay some basic groundwork- actuators, in the application of motorized prosthetics, operate as the replacement for muscles, providing power and resistance for an everyday range of motion- linear, rotary, oscillatory. accordingly, when looking at which actuation systems garner the most praise for prosthetic limbs, one of the first things you'll see is how sleek and precise they are, since jankiness is usually the biggest giveaway that a technology won't be human compatible.

and it's an important factor, but only half of the problem. or, well, the paradigm. it's one that's formed by no fault of our own, and bested even the most funded, functional, state-of-the-art arms. that is, dexterity vs. durability, where the more components a prosthetic requires, the more fragile it becomes. the tougher its materials are, the less agility is afforded.

generally, people who want a "tool" are going to go for the stronger one, because if a prosthetic can't hold up to the stress and strain of the human condition, then its practicality is kind of worth jack and shit.

the pneumatic arm zeros in on this shortcoming of strength, since its simplistic components- a piston pushing against a spring within a hollow cylinder, bolstered by air- need only an increase in PSI to be faster, and are stronger against torque and backlash, giving it that advantage over electric motors.

they also don't draw current when retracting, since the spring elements naturally return to position, but their ability to pull all that power means they won't get shocked under a sudden or demanding influx. though, these plus sides are often achieved at the same cost of a heavy weight and excessive size, usually in response to supplying an appropriate power source. vapor is a bit harder to shuttle along than an electrical current, you know?

but unlike their electric counterparts, the fuel being a detached compromise makes this much more resolveable. and so, we're off on our merry way to make Marius far more steampunk than i initially planned! wahoo!

one of the factors necessitating a bulk-up is getting a servo-like control of the air valves, or servovalves, to fine tune motion and pressure more deliberately. it seems hard pressed to happen on a smaller scale at all, let alone while still packing a bigger punch than electric.

funnily, the way the paper phrases these drawbacks tends to raise the problem in the same paragraph that they solve it. "ah, unfortunately, there are so small-scale high peformace servovalves... fortunately, our team invented small-scale high performance servovalves." summarized, it's a rotary, four-way motor for the gas, compacted to roughly the size of a AA battery. now That's efficiency!

they seemed pretty proud of that, and i do think that Marius's arm would make use of something akin to those, though for us, the REAL focus is the fuel!

like i said, in terms of energy sourcing, gas cartridges have largely been regarded as a poor means. in those pioneer attempts of the early to mid 1900's, the CO2 they used was a limited resource, due to expense, and the quantity demands for a full day's power. add in the heavy bulk of steel canisters, and we don't have a very pretty picture for mobility.

but this obstacle is taken care of pretty smoothly, too, by switching to a liquid monopropellant as a gas generator. in this case, it's 70 percent hydrogen peroxide, which has a hissy fit when it has to buddy up with a catalyst, and spits out more energy than the liquid-to-gas phase change of liquid CO2. the catalyst, by the way, is iridium, typically known for its durability as a metal, but its decomposition under acid is used in the- get this- the Space Industry for propulsion.

yeah, that's right! Marius's arm is a low-grade ROCKET!

because of this drastic improvement, the tank for the hydrogen can stay at about 1 / 5th the size of what the CO2 would be, while manifesting the same power, keeping it nicely in a lightweight and anthropomorphic form. (said power, according to the paper, is comparable to skeletal muscle!)

then, with a setup of 200ml monopropellant cartridge, fuel lines, and a pack of catalyst pellets as the power behind the actuator's piston movement, and the servovalves as modulators to the incoming vapor flow, a choroid of surprisingly aesthetic stainless steel tubes is what carries that oxygen gas to the pneumatic cylinders. (Not a different thing than the actuators, as i learned the hard way).

they're also taking great care to assure us how NOT flammable the propellant is, despite being, you know, rocket-grade hydrogen peroxide. i'm sure this has no implications for Mr. Raum whatsoever!

the downsides to this way of powering his arm aren't many, but in the shadow of their silent, stable, battery-powered bretherin, the nitpicks include-

- exhaust products (ooh, dieselpunk...)

- audible exhaust noise (ooh, steampunk...)

- some unpredictable internal heat (ooh, hot...topic?)

and all of these, conveniently, could compile their inconveniences to explain away the arm cuff criss-cross laces by translating them in-universe as vent slats for exhaust outlets!

on that note, i genuinely enjoy postulating on what shortcomings the mech's -anisms could have. like, jonny's heart (~steel) weighs six pounds, nastya's blood is too dense and likely causes spPOTS (space POTS), ashes's lungs might be prone to clotting (damaged endothelial response), ivy's brain is. uh. well she already can't remember dog from shit of her past. brian's joints (metal-bound) could be fucky! oh, to be a new fan theorizing on all their faults again...!

ahem, anyway. when i was still considering artificial muscles for the articulation of Marius's extremeties, particlarly what those 4 bolts on the back of the costume's hand might signify, i first imagined linear actuators tugging a false tendon strung through his digits. this, as well, turned out to be the same "fully compliant" friction design of the gas-actuator prosthetic, just with electronic back-hand linears switched out for pneumatics in the wrist.

a.k.a, he'd have Marionette Fingies. and, truth be told, it's hard to find a hand that obeys these specifications i'm getting from two different directions- follow the pneumatics, but give Marius an arm that can at least maneuver a violin bow- without coming across strange trade-offs like "we're working on making the fingers move independently" or "if you lean on this arm it'll snap-crackle-pop fucking die"

but! this is where 2009 concepts that die ignoble deaths under the technological onslaught that was the 2010's come quite in handy! (get it?) under the work of the RoMeLa team at Virginia Tech, they led the innovation of a robotic hand roughly following the same principles of "air pressure controls grip", committing to a simplicity of lower pressure = lighter grip, and higher pressure = a tighter, "firm grip that could rip out a human's windpipe."

(editor's note: while the CNET author may be biased on that front, it is, indeed, applicable to the physical demands of Marius's job.)

but this time, in order to coordinate flexion and extension of the fingers, the compressed air fills up corrugated tube actuators (built like miniature accordions) spanning the length of the digit. however, it's pertinent to comment that the gas-actuated arm explicitly does not use compressed air, and i've decided the same holds true for whatever version of this build Marius would use. the four bolts, then, are likely some cylinders or servovalves to regulate the gas expenditure.

it's purportedly "strong" under this lack of linear actuators or motors to strain, and dextrous at the exclusion of "tendon" strings or gears, as is common for most prosthetic hands on the market. feedback sensors for grip and proprioreception work in tandem with the extent of pressure, which is already much more than the highly underactuated hand of the original monopropellant arm, and further awards a gentleness fit to handle raw eggs and lightbulbs.

hmm... with one catch. unlike the self-awarded praise of our essay's predecessor, this portion might be a bit weighty for Marius? its original creation saught to eventually appendage the hand to a separate ongoing robotics project of theirs, but the team deemed it "too heavy", and so it was subsided (cough, discarded, cough) into a separate project.

yet, this isn't exactly a downside, 'cause remember! Marius's tenuous grasp on reality (as per the TDOBVR blog post) doesn't come from nowhere! eons-long pain from an inordinately heavy prosthetic would drive anyone up the wall, i think! although, they theorized that a hardier material, such as carbon fiber, could do more favours toward ease of replacement and overall weight. not that we're too worried about that ;>

in general, by the way, i think the casing (cosmetic hard shell that covers all these inner components) of Marius's arm IS carbon fiber. most real-world casings are plastic, or aluminum, and it gets into a tricker area once you start trying to replicate skin. but for now, that material figures to be a pretty easy mention, since it's well known for being Strong As Steel But Lighter, the molding process is variable and easy, and comparably more forgiving to deformation from everyday wear.

anyway, i like the RoMeLa's hand especially because, on the sparse but official page for the hand, it even advertises a potential application in "Hazardous environment operation" and "Entertainment", which if i'm not mistaken, is Marius's middle name (hyphenated.)

oh, and guess what the protoype's acronym is! too late, i'm telling you- it's the "Robotic Air Powered Hand with Elastic Ligaments," or RAPHaEL. ah? ah, get it? like la Cogni- [i am dragged off-screen like a dead extra]

here's the beaut in action, too! what a charmer. i think Marius would love her. i may or may not be projecting.

it was very very interesting to touch on something that hasn't really been feasibly explored before, because in the event of making it work, we find ourselves in a beautiful gray area of "how!" and "why?", which i think is perfect for the technological stance of Marius's- sorry, Byron's era.

i'll do you the favour of linking the IEEE video that shows the gas-actuated fucker actually in motion too, because the beginning positively oozes 2008 "The Future Is Here" vibes

also, a quick credit to that crop of Ruth's art below the fingers tweet, whose depiction of Marius's arm with steel piping very much helped solidify the idea of throwing all that advanced technology into the garbage disposal!

but, How does it flippin' feel? first off, it feels weird to use flippin' instead of a swear, hold on- fuck! fuck! there we are. balance restored.

actually, let's take a closer look at that "botched" line.

"One of the first things I decided when creating Marius is that the effects of his (probably botched) mechanisation and his advancing years have left him with a somewhat tenuous grasp on reality..."

that doesn't give us much detail, does it? commendably so, seeing as it's a spoiler-free rundown, but that dissonance between whether it was the surgical manner or the internal mechanics that render "botched" an apt descriptor kind of worried me. i mean, how would i narrow down which configuartion worked best for him, when even the lore doesn't have his best interests at heart?

and, you know what? the question kind of answered itself! what we're capable of in the real world, right now, is genuinely pretty cool, but remains unusually limited.

i think our best example of this is the microelectrode array! the way we're using them, microelectrodes, in short, (get it?), are a rather direct interface with the peripheral nervous system on the cellular level, communicating bidirectionally (translating and sending) sensory, motor, and electrical signals with the axons they're implanted in or around.

there's different types, whose physical attributes determine their strengths and weakness per application. the one that we're looking at today is an "intraneural", meaning its needles physically pierce the nerve sheath.

did i say pierce? i meant stabs it clean through the middle.

[ID: A zoomed-in screenshot on a simplistic diagram of two intraneural electrode styles. The nerves are cylindrical, yellow, and transparent. To the left, labelled "D", a flat gray electrode cuts the nerve perpendicular. To the right, labelled "E", something akin so a slanted bed of nails is embedded up to the square base. /end ID.]

(the one to the left is our guy, transverse intrafascicular multichannel electrode! the cutie right beside him is the USEA, Utah Slanted Electrode Array, which i personally headcanon Nastya as having. talk about metal!)

i'd make a running joke where we call this microelectrode TRANS, but unfortunately, pride month is over, therefore its actual acronym is TIME. you're free to imagine that i've made an awesome pun on "bidirectional", however.

the more broadly discerning that these electrodes are, the more invasive their design is- for example, bed-of-nails USEA has some 100 channels, while a C-FINE (imagine a tiny clasp, gently squeezing the nerve) may have only 8 or 16. while TIME doesn't fair much better with 10 electrodes, and its cross-section style implantation may look a tad horrific (which is exactly why i chose it), its wider spatial range of fascicles allows it to get more picky during recruitment.

it also seems to be pioneered specifically with prostheses interfacing in mind, where most TIME studies (as per a May 2018 report) have been to test its design of "selectively [activating] subsets of axons". or, sending signals from the sensors to very particular parts of the nerves- and that's perfect when our goal is to restore a sense of "touch".

the most complete long-term configuration between human and machine of indwelling electrodes sending two-way signals that i've been able to find is the 2019 in-person trial of the DEKA "LUKE" arm, which unlike their commercially available FDA-approved version, used chronically implanted USEA's to "evoke tactile perceptions on the phantom hand". and, thankfully, this is the production that most articles i've found latch onto like a lamprey.

sorry, that's misinfo. lampreys don't latch onto their prey. that's leeches!

basically, the way this can happen is by finding a method to taper and dilute those bursts of electrical signals coming into the nerve. for this team, the key in registering actual textures, pressure, joint tension, etcetera was by recording the neural responses from primate's fintertips when touched, and alongside some vaguely referenced "calculations", coding this into a procedural model for the arm.

and like i said, the LUKE system is actually bidirectional! ...as usual, with some caveats. my sources may be outdated, taking from early to mid 2010 experiment papers as i often am, but when papers say "bidirectional", they tend to mean "microelectrodes for sensation, sEMG for decoding motor command."

the "sEMG" being a superficial electrode, stuck on the skin to sense and interpret voluntary contraction on the muscles of the residual limb. y'know, the weird stickers? it's the most common, intuitive, and non-invasive way for prostheses users to "control it with their mind!!1!1!", but when the backlog of complaints ranges from socket pressure sores, sweating interference, superficial recording and loss of contact during limb repositioning, i'm not so sure that our mischevious violinist can affort that sort of setup.

but the DEKA model, at least the non-portable USEA prototype, solves this nicely. making dual-use of implantable EMGs to train a Kalmann filter on recognizing the muscular commands, the user mimics "pre-programmed movements", whose recorded values are whittled down to a select number of "features", or what i'm guessing is potential kinematic positions. i think, in laymans terms, that entails some Physical Therapy for Marius!

since when have i been here just to praise things, though, huh? ...okay, roughly the entire time, but i ain't no liar about downsides! 'cause, when referring to "touch", we're not yet at a vis-a-vis recreation of our somatosensory. more often than not, haptic interfaces are missing ways to convey accurate temperature and pain, if any.

even though i found at least a handful of articles saying that LUKE's USEA can "help sense pain and temperature" (sometimes in a copy-paste phrasing), after turning to the official NSF pdf, the only two claims they'd made on that front was, "the LUKE does not include pain and temperature sensors", and "any evoked pain or temperature sensations are uncommon". so, man, i just dunno who to believe!

but a bigger, and more perplexing issue to circumvent, is the electrodes themselves. technically, their placement is a chronic injury to our tissues, and while it might seem like the resultant scarring is ideal for securing its positon on the nerve trunk, the fibrosis can sometimes grow bad enough to insulate it and completely cut off the signals. or other times, completely push the electrode out of the nerve. (which is just our bodies reacting how they should to foreign objects. the same thing would happen if you got a splinter)

at minimum, you're looking at a good chance for nerve damage and signal disruption. and- awe, while researching for the downsides of microelectrodes, i've just stumbled across my first ever bookmarked science paper for that essay i did on Nastya's cybernetics <3 talk about ouroboric deeds! and talk about upgrades- that thing was from 2003, jeez!

ack, distractions! moreover, unless your electrodes are wireless, their channel leads will have to trail a considerable ways through the muscles, and won't be sitting pretty when forming scar tissue can pull them taut. then, if the system can't sustain itself solely indwelling, external hardware will need a way to get ahold of the nerve signals, so a percuntaneous incision will often bring the leads to outside connector pads, opening opportunities for infection and tissue decay.

why am i saying "yours"? you don't own incredibly expensive, defense agency-funded materials. right? at least, i don't. all my tupperware is already used up.

but what i Do have is some inconveniences for Marius, fabricated purely by a nature of my own design! yeah, that's right! I'M creating issues out of thin air!!

since i made the executive decision for Marius to operate under microelectrodes exclusively, and the DEKA system i mentioned used iEMG's for motor decoding, (a.k.a muscular action potential over electrical neuron firings) there's a significant likelyhood of crosstalk and interference between commands coming and going on that shared peripheral channel.

meaning, he might get some rogue signals that are twitchy, painful, or just plain uncooperative. not a complete ravage to his range as a violinist, but certainly some obstacles to overcome. (or angst about, do how you do.) told ya that i liked downsides, didn't i?

the peripheral nervous system, by the way, is just what translates sensory information to the brain. the somatic (somatosensory) is a more voluntary divison of it, and registers the stimulation of mechanoreceptors by pressure, temperature, proprioception, etcetera, for input when considering to the appropriate actions to take. when i say "peripheral", i basically mean both.

and, hey, so long as we're taking about fudging up phrases and bodies alike, how about a little admission time? because, see, here's the thing. roughly half of the robotics that i've talked about today aren't actually... wearable? frequently being "proof of concept"s created by distinctly non-amputee college teams, they would be controlled by an external computer, or someone wearing a "master exoskeleton" glove that mirrors the motions commands into the prototype.

that, or they can be removed at will, after the connecting pads for microeletrodes are merely detached. and at risk of squandering a potential hilarity, but for the sake of preserving the "ahhh irrevocable immortality!" faustian, i stringently don't believe that Marius can separate his whole mechanism from his flesh body. at most, his fingers, maybe his hand as well. (you'll see why later on ;> and that's a threat ;D)

so, let's get a rundown of osseointegration, or OI, which is probably the most Not Portable a prosthetic socket can get. for Marius, i've decided that his amputation is NOT up to the shoulder. instead, he is a transhumeral amputee, the same as every "bionic upper limb OI" subject i've seen news of, because the status of the residual limb is of course the deciding factor in candidacy for this type of surgery.

(that's why the gas-actuated arm is conveniently also transhumeral- they crafted it with eventual OI implementation in mind)

in summary, they (the Scientists) implant a metal rod fixture, typically titanium, into the remaining skeleton. an abutement section of it protrudes out of the skin in a stoma opening, where the prosthetic is attached as an extension. (Marius, i think, does not get that differential luxury. ergo, his "arm"'s titanium bone IS the fixture itself.) obviously, there's alternative types and methods, but this is what we're giving our dear Baron.

for a basic depiction of that setup, from the OPR A Implant System site, and edited so that tungle doesn't kill me dead-

[ID: A grayscale diagram of a rounded residual limb, transparent to show a sturdy bone. Within the bone is a dark threaded metallic rod, labelled "fixture". Outside of the limb, the continuing rod smoothens, now labelled "abutement," and the thicker, bolt-like end is "abutement screw". /end ID]

i run a risky game here, folks.

the humerus is one of the 5 bones eligible for osseointegration, which does not include the shoulder, and it's reportedly ideal for the socket troubles that would come to a residual limb that's "short, wide, scarred, or painful", promptly speedrunning the checklist for "botched".

to hit those point by point- well, in opposite order- for a limb with nerve pain, the necessary compression of a socket may be a deal breaker in everyday use. energy transfer (that is, the inertial strength when performing actions) from the muscles can be put more effectively, and without much misalignment, into the prosthetic.

there's markedly less fatigue than having to work for sEMG devices to proceed with movement via over contraction of unrelated muscles, and a robustness fit for physically demanding jobs, i.e. a truck driver, a builder, a murderer. then, a stable precision for finer tasks, i.e. brushing teeth, handling eggs, setting up security cameras outside the Penelope vault.

as an added bonus, linking the prosthetic directly with the bone reopens an avenue for natural sensation, "osseoperception", where the mechanical vibration from contact (touching or stepping) can be felt through the skeleton. apparently, we can even hear the frequencies?! in our ears?! then, since this eliminates the factor of a cup socket, a suspension rig, and ideally sEMGs, a microelectrode interface is nearly a given for this system to work.

(a lot of OI is paired with Targeted Muscle Reinnervation to control the prosthesis, though. i haven't looked too far into this method myself, but it seems more helpful for transhumeral or shoulder amputees without much of a residual limb.)

(because, while TMR surgically transfers the residual nerves to defunct muscles in a gambit to boost their own signal, then communes those re-assigned nerves to the prosthetic, the TIME would talk directly to whatever remains of the upper arm's somatic. it would definitely require lots more rehabilitation than peripheral interfacing.)

so, viola! overall, a pretty marvelous way of melding a prosthetic to the body, as well as giving Marius's environmental perception and navigation a solid 2x modifier, if he can handle the months-to-years long physical therapy and rehabilitation protocol!

ah, although, the point of a lot of these surgeries is to be rather clean? like, hiding the leads via intramedullary canals, using wireless myoelectrodes. personally, if Marius's arm popped away from his limb, i'd be imagining more wires and connectors and sensors running out of him than King Cole to his machines.

which, you know who else runs the risk of infection besides percutaneous leads? a stoma! which is exactly what this exposed implant is! especially when the infection rate is "well accepted" as 100 percent! ...okay, maybe that's a bit fearmongering. mostly, these infections are "superficial", only causing inflammation or drainage at the skin around the stoma from bacteria making it past the daily hygiene.

a skilled surgeon minimizing the amount of soft tissue that can shear, or crafting an epithelial seal around the abutement can lower this risk. but when it happens, it must be intervened with strong antibiotics, and fast, 'cause any infection close to underlying bone runs the risk of becoming a "deep infection". beyond that, the pain of just that "minor" infection can purportedly keep people bedridden.

alongside the whole predictable subset of issues that can arise when melding Human and Machine, i.e. bone deterioration (aseptic) or fracturing because of the implant, when loadbearing demands on the prosthetic are excessive- machine's fault- and the implant loosening or requiring explantation because of the bone, when natural remodeling fails to fill in the gaps between metal and residuum, or after osteomyelitis (septic) failure. simplisticly, human's fault.

accidents, high-impact events such as falls and sports, patient overuse, or improper rehabilitation (cough, cough, doubling over with my coughing) MARIUS (cough.) can cause both and all of those issues, exacerbated under the event that the components were already shitty. ...do i need to start coughing again, or are we in agreement?

despite their infrequency, managing infections and monitoring the integration's efficacy is a life-long maintenance. now, you've probably seen the catch here- how for Marius, and the mechanisms at large, as immortals whose whole shtick includes (as per a tumblr ask) never getting sick and shrugging off bullet wounds like burrs, he probably wouldn't be bothered by roughly any of this...

...but, during his initial implantation, with regards to the notion that Dr. Carmilla wasn't present? as well as for reasons that i'll touch later on...? suffice to say, hooo boy! eeks! yowzers! uh-oh!

but, hell, nothing says "botched" like pioneer procedures, am i right!

Why The Shit Does It Do That?

and kicking off the final section is my favourite subsegment, titled on the fly "What The Fuck Is That"! the fuck in question-

[ID: A zoomed-in screenshot of Marius's arm, showcasing a strange brass circle on the "upper" outer forearm, where two thin side-by-side wires, colored white and red, trail up and disappear into the laced corset arm cuff. /end ID]

in my initial brainstorming post, for those who saw it, you might recall that i mentioned the similarity of the white and red wires on the back of Marius's arm and MOSFET wires, whose electric nature implied a potential utilization of that weird brass thing on the back as a Solar Cell.

wellll, if you haven't already guessed, i changed my mind. no motors here, no sir! the wires, i'm afraid i can't explain, but with regards to the gas cartridges often being treated as a separate entity from the anthropomorphic prosthetic, from even the actuators that it powers, it could be an extraneous seal for when the arm is not connected to a canister source. so, not quite an insignificant residuum.

or, imagining Marius's arm as slightly more advanced, as a stopper cap to an internal basin that stores the hydrogen peroxide. by its appearance and function, not too dissimilar from a fuel cap in automotives :>

to quote myself from a reply i made in the comments of my interest check, i do believe that Marius's mechanism is Voidily, Outer-Godily powered in terms of immortality, so i think a benign generator like this would either be vestigial of its intended applications (a.k.a., Used By Normal People), or what makes it physically operate.

as for what electrically powers the servovalves and sensors... i dunno. brother, he can just die. (/ref)

operating under that paradigm, when the monopropellant has run out, it might be limp and nonresponsive, but far from dead. kind of like a limb out of socket! the arm falling inert might also harbinger a potential return of Phantom Limb pain! i'll actually link this one, since the normal article has since become paywalled, but in 2015, one Igor Spectic who took part in DARPA'S Haptix trials, described the phantom pain from his amputated hand as "a vice grip all around."

following the experiment's development of generating communicable sensation in a prosthetic hand, where the manually varied electrical signals from pressure sensors on the hand's surface were sent to C-FINE electrodes around his remaining ulnar, radial, and median nerve trunks, the pain was reported to have decreased immensely, if not entirely disappear!

this is good news for Marius, if his arm is active. and this is bad news for Marius, if his arm isn't active. ah, aporia my beloved!

okay, self-plagiarism over. onto the most lovingly terrible section! Skiiin!

for some prelude- remember those Artificial Muscles that i kind of left in the dust? the shape-memory polymers who could hold 5000 times their own weight without permanently deforming at all? well, honesty corner, one of the features i somewhat lament losing in tandem with that whole charade is... the lead professor, Zhenan Bao.

chemical engineering is her field of expertise, and her team also pioneered a thin plastic "skin-like sensor" that could distinguish between pressures and accordingly interface with a neuron cell! and i was gonna do a little callback, start a bioengineering cinematic universe, all that fun stuff.

but, taking a step back, it becomes apparent that Zhenan's approach is So novel, that it literally can't interface with Marius in any of the ways that i've described. or that's in any way natural. what they did, see, was translate the electrical pulses into light pulses, and had those sensed by line of CNS neurons that were optogentically modified. a.k.a., they're specifically bioengineered to be influenced or activated by light frequencies.

it worked, but, not quite what we're looking for, you know? and, considering how we've already devoted lots of space to integrating Marius with the TIME microelectrodes and RAPHaEL proprioception feedback, i think we can just skip right to the part where we make this thing out of living tissue. Kofi said Marius's fingers were occasionally "organic", remember?

on that note, time to overhaul one of my cornerstone ideas on Marius's arm for, oh, say, the third time? we're getting to "she's not the same Aurora" levels, at this point! (just be glad i didn't have to turn to the fleshy phone case for research, hm?)

you know, i've noticed that a lot of these articles are just playing synonym hopscotch with each other? they don't quite care to reveal more information than the last one, the last one- just rephrase it a bit, getting more and more scant on as it goes down.

well! time to enthusiastically propogate the issue!

the broader goal by this particular team, from the University of Tokyo, is to trounce the uncanney valley by cultivating a sense of familiarity with The Artificial, under a predilection that robots would eventually be an integral staple in caretaker jobs. thankfully, i care roughly zero percent about that, so let's dig into the sciencey bits.

colloquially deemed a "biohybrid robot", the product of the experiment is cool, but not nearly so outlandish. it's actually marvelously simple! in fact, i'll keep the outline i had for "questions to answer" as a guide for us, since this subsegment runs on a big longer than my others.

How can it cover the metal?

we've already got the "covering robotic fingers" bit down on lock from the getgo, because this skin was specificially made to grow around a finger-mimicking structure! (this time, electrically driven.) it only faces strain at those typical three joints, but seems to "stretch and contract" rather forgivingly when it does!

since it's a different cadence from "grafting" on lab grown skin-sheets, adhered to each other and wrapped snug on the surface by stiches, which runs the parallel risk of the living skin incurring injury in the surgical-esque procedure, this recreation would prove a bit more complex. and fleshier.

How is it grown, exactly?

using a solution of "commercially available human cells", of course! which sounds like it should be appendaged by a * on the black market. but, hey, i know this song! from the meat berry video! we've all been haunted by Meat Berry in our recommendations, right? ...right?

okay, look, it's not as creepy as it sounds. it's actually comprised of the similar sort of ingredients in implants and hydrogels for severe burns- collagen, in that case, but the culture media also had dermal fibroblasts, both of whom are two big players in the building of connective tissue.

so with the robotic scaffold bathing calmly in that mixture, the cells, as they grew over the course of 3 days, naturally compacted and conformed to the surface's contour, as is the tendancy of collagen's elasticity and fibroblasts's traction. the team then moved it to an ablution of epidermal cells, keratinocytes, and let it develop that sealing outer layer for two weeks.

the whole sleeve ended up at about 1.5 millimeters thick, similar to an average human dermis! the scentists also lauded it for its "natural wrinkles", so... a win for Marius?

by the way, culture media- as per the meat berry video- is a solution primed with the nutrients, antibiotics, and hormones for the specific type of cell it intends to grow. it's usually a pinkish benadryl color, not naturally, but colored that way, and its hue shifts with the health of its condition, indicating to the cultivators whether it's gone bad or not.

just imagine Marius going "Raph I want organic fingers for our next performance :(" and she says, "okay, but remove them from your arm. they'll have to soak in the Science Fluids for about two weeks... beforehand."

ah, get it? get it? beforeha- [i am killed, veritably]

Does it need bloodflow?

NOPE. It pointedly doesn't have a circulatory system or sweat glands- basically only collagen and a layer to un-gooify it, right now, and it dries up (dies) when left out of the solution too long. that also means no nerves, but, eh, Marius could probably just sliiide some sensors under that bad boy.

that was actually a big selling point of one of the previous iterations of "artificial skin" i delved into researching, before i noticed that it technically duped the criteria what Kofi had originally stated as "organic". but, most incriminatingly, the prototype wasn't even skin! just some circle little sensors that "could be" placed under cosmetic silicone.

his version of the culture would also need some melanocytes, since the prototype flesh doesn't have even a bit of melanin, making it look either like a pepto bismol finger, when in the culture, or a ballistic gel dummy outside of it.

How realistic is it?

"Water repellant, self-healing, and with a texture that looks and feels like ours," as every article will happily tell you, one in particular repeated themselves 3 different ways in the same paragraph! in short- thank you epidermal, thank you fibroblasts, thank you collagen.

it's not yet up to par, however. apparently the cells weren't very mature, so although it could tolerate being pinched and stretched by the robotic joints, it was rather weaker than human skin should be. but, the epidermal could at least be picked up by tweazers! which hurts like a motherfucker, if you've ever done it.

and when these articles say "heal" they mean placing a "collagen bandage" over the clean, surgical slice, and letting the cells assimilate it into the wound. not to undercut (get it?) the achievement, though, because importantly this means the cells are living- the skin is alive! how about THAT for organic, Kofi!

Finally, what melange of mean things have articles called this scientific beauty?

icky-looking, sweaty, gooey, stinky, "westworld", "terminator", creepy, revulsive, ersatz, "out of a horror movie", and that it "looks like a, um". (you get three guesses, and none of them count. that's also why i'm giving no links this time, friends! sorry!)

also, y'all? hey y'all? this news came out, as of the time writing this (July 12th), almost Exactly a month ago. this is right now! we're LIVING in it! the future is HERE! and that just goes to show, folks- procrastination DOES pay off! because i, like, kicked this idea around for months... and months...

any! way! arriving at last to our closing statements, it is my firm bias that we would both benefit from making only as many wrap-up claims as further questions they raise. do i honestly expect any of them to be answered in TDOBVR? not a lick of hope! will i propose them anyway? absolutely!

most of these quandaries, i will admit, are conjucture stemming from one jokeful tweet. but when you add upon the more canonical layers, i.e., his mechanism lacking Dr. Carmilla's certified seal of approval, himself harboring a strangely outlier mistrust in the likelihood of true immorality, and in general, hailing from a planet that has regressed badly enough to go back to muskets, it would not surprise me if these conundrums came to pass at one point or another.

and on that peroration of resounding confidence, here goes nothing!

TLDR:

Marius's mechanism is styled, in general concept, after illustrations within a German "limb substitution" book from 1919 that ideates an externally gas-powered hand prostheses. revitalized under our "modern" technology, it is fuelled by catalyzing monopropellant hydrogen peroxide with iridium pellets in an internal reservoir.

a steel tubing network and small scale servovalves shuttle along the gas, providing the pneumatic cylinders with ample power for linear actuation, while the vapor leaves as an exhaust product through a crosshatch grille spanning the length of his inner forearm.

Plus sides are- stronger than most electromechanical prostheses, steel is very quite aesthetic

Downsides are- lacks an offhanded dexerity, constant need for fuel

as our counterpoint, let's indulge on some fun curiosities about Marius's healing factor- canonically the "device's self-regulation", as per Drive The Cold Winter Away. incipiently, if his patellas don't regenerate until he "dies," must his brain be clinically dead before he can start to heal? or does he just not share that preternatural haste of repair, where the assumption would be that he often meets death's clammy grasp quicker than any healing may have its finishing touches?

Marius's pneumatic hand is materially influenced by Virginia Tech's robotic RAPHaEL prototype, though altering RoMeLa's design to preserve the fuelant approach in its coordination. rocket-powered air fills up corrugated tubing within each finger for an enticingly individualized articulation, and an oscillatory grip strength is commanded by lowering and raising the air pressure at hand. the cosmetic shell of his entire arm, including the hand, is made of carbon fiber.

Plus sides are- fine tuned manipulation of objects, a sense of independence

Downsides are- no steampunk gears, a bit too heavy

seeing to it that his regeneration fails to be as thorough as his companions, and a stabilized form doesn't come back until death, would he still be able to recover minimally over the intervening weeks and months, like a normal person? gaping wounds to fibrous scars, deep infections to chronic sicknesses, whose remnants only get cleared away when he's fully dead, like one big reset button?

Marius has transverse intrafascicular multichannel electrodes interfacing with his peripheral nervous system to stimulate sensory feedback on the ulnar, radial, and median nerve trunks of his residual limb.

Plus sides are- increased somatosensory and kinematic precision, seeming metal as hell

Downsides are- neural scarring, and long-term glitches from signal crosstalk

on that note, during those rare occasions he survives the crew's raucous lifestyle for a continuous length of time, will his immune system begin responding appropriately untoward the traumatic, invasive, foreign implantation that is, in essence, his mechanism?

are there infections to ensue, and inflammation, and eventual scarring whose nature is inclined to cut off both his sense of touch and motor skills? by proxy, making him uncharacteristically ill and in considerable pain? (this line of thought, patently, is why i kicked up such a fuss about "wuauggh, his scar tissue! infections! stoma! blargh!")

Marius underwent a major implantation surgery to osseointegrate a threaded titanium stem, screw-fixation type, into his transhumeral. most likely, he did not have the resources at hand to abide by the prolonged rehabilitation protocol. there are no intramedullary leads going solely through his abutement, and the exoskeleton of his arm is inseparable from the indwelling fixture.

Plus sides are- remarkable stability, and rejuvinated osseoperception

Downsides are- acute infection, innate incompatibilities between skeleton and metal.

with the established hypothetical that he doesn't return to a generic save-state in an automatic fashion, we have to wonder- does he age? how slow, if altered at all? more pressingly, can his mechanism get worn down alongside it?

especially when taking into account how, while several pros-and-cons lists have praised the pneumatic actuator's simplicity under an impression of less oversight, that's once again treating the baby separate from the bathwater. maintenance of the several components, fuel lines and tight seals and valve fittings, required for reliable gas generation basically creates an inverse sunk cost.

whether he knows this or not, if the mechanism starts to act archaic and clunky after he's gone a bit too long without kicking the bucket, would he perhaps settle for a tune-up in lieu of literally biting the bullet? is he scared? is that why?

does walking head-first into certain doom become a reflex at the first sign of mechanical failure? is that why?

Marius, at a whim, may adorn his mechanism's fingers with living skin cultivated from commercially available human cells. ideally, his organics would be buffed by self sustaining perfusion channels, and melanocytes.

Plus sides- flesh, hell yeah!

Downsides- will be fingerless for a number of weeks, as the digits soak in the culture media petri dish

most of all, why doesn't he believe in immortality?

i've, well, got half an answer to that. 'cause when the contraption that's supposed to keep you alive already started out so messy, and makes no promises to keep you in top shape through your millennia of mangling and make-do, it's probably a bit hard to place the trust of eternity in its air-actuated hand, huh?

#the mechanisms #marius von raum #tdobvr #marius #oz.txt #this thing took two whole weeks to write y'all it is a Monster #oz.essay

114 notes · View notes

slime-stew · 6 months

Text

secret posts for tumblr cuz i dont like posting long rambley blog things to twitter :3 decided to do the shiny pokemon alongside the masterball which might against all odds after 22 years be one of if not The first regular ass items retexture...

the textures are all for the most part just ripped from pokemon stadium 2 which is fair considering melee's development time and also the considerably lower necessary poly count for a little spawnable dude. it also means that i can just use whatever ps2 does for shinies and LUCKILY it has that weird ass HSL system that means i can just grab the textures off of spriters resource (large shoutout to my man Mr. C for extracting them so i don't have to) and wiggle the colors around correctly and just chuck them in. i did have to grab the master ball texture from some furret minigame for authenticity. both this texture and the pokemon colors are different to modern colors but melee players are either too zoomer to care or too old to know they changed, so it's fine. the master ball wouldn't work on the regular uv so i had to fiddle around in blender and i figured i might as well add a Little detail but i'm p sure this is my first actual model swap so i probably still fucked up...i know some stuff didn't import correctly but it looks mostly fine now.

melee pokemon fun facts:

ditto has a unique texture for his Goo

porygon is made of solid color in melee. seemingly all the other pokemon in melee use tiny 8x8 solid color textures for bodyparts of a single color (something that stadium did) but porygon is Properly done with like vertex lighting and shit, probably because his original texture was just a fake shiny thing so it would have looked ugly with a proper lighting engine

unown models don't show up in hsdraw idk why!!! probably bc there are 26 of them. it works in DAT wizard tho

snorlax has a yellow mout in the viewer but i think that might also be hsdraw dying

a lot of textures with partial transparency like goldeen fins or porygon eyes are very subtly different in melee, i'm not sure if its the melee dev team cleaning them up or if its a case of the originals being compressed and losing some of that in stadium, but regaining it in a more sophisticated engine. cant say but the textures still line up so idc

hey remember what i said about unown? its not even differently colored so i dont have to change it anyway

clefairy is the only pokeball pokemon in melee with unique textures for its shiny form, and i have to be specific because some are not in melee (like gyrados) and some are not from pokeballs (like jigglypuff)

#ssbm #modding

6 notes · View notes

songofsaraneth · 1 year

Photo

I've been meaning to make a container garden update post for weeks now, but health/life kept getting in the way. So these photos are taken within the last week-ish but I've been getting it all set up over the last month! Including finally getting through the last of my rain barrel so I could scrub and rinse it out.

First major thing is I finally bit the bullet and bought the expensive porch loveseat of my dreams. I've been wanting a little couch or egg chair out there for 2.5 years but nothing ever appeared secondhand, and they're SO expensive. But finally there was a half off sale and so I went for this one from target. The best part about having that wicker back means I can use an umbrella or clip fabric to it as a shade cloth, and since it's already almost 90ºF here, that's a big motivator for spending time outside. Anyway here’s the breakdown of what I’ve got in now. Text and photos not in order bc it was too hard. Also, I tried to put a readmore here, but... I guess tumblrs not letting me have those today so sorry, long post it is! For edibles, I’ve got 4 containers of tomatoes (3 cherry/snacking and one slicing), 2 containers of strawberries (all that survived from last season!), 2 kinds of chives (normal and garlic), 2 kinds of basil (sweet and spicy globe), oregano with lemon thyme, and my hardy old rosemary. The basils got chewed up by a stray cat so I had to keep them inside for a week to recover. Then I sprayed the general area with orange oil to deter it and the orange oil ended up burning their fragile leaves, so thye’ve had a rough time of it. but! finally recovering 😬 And the big blue container I’m trying to repurpose for melons this spring, and will plant spaghetti squash later in the summer. Will I be able to get cantaloupes supported on the treils with netting? Not sure but I’m gonna try. Def most experimental inclusion this year. For perennial flowers from last year, almost all survived! I’ve got 4 kinds of sage (one of which seeded into an adjacent empty pot, so I left it and added some annual violas), guara, penstemon, 2 kinds of lavender, and a miniature rose. My red geranium kept blooming all through winter, so I got a pink and a purple one as well. The sages look a bit rough right now because I left for a week before I put in the other annuals and they’re the thirstiest of the bunch, so dropped a lot of blooms. Oh well. For new additions and annuals, I went crazy lol. My most dangerous to shop with friend and I went to the local nursery and stores together so of course we both went overboard. I finally got one of the jasmine I’ve been eying for a year and a half, which just started blooming and already smells amazing. My 2 gailardia were tiny rosettes but ones forming a bloom and I’m so excited. Also marigolds, zinnias, petunias, lantanas, those fluffy spike ones I’m blanking on the name of, and a fuchsia! And probably some I forgot. The fuchsia’s been swapped to a shader spot already, but it’s getting ready to bloom and I’m excited. I also, while visiting Colorado two weeks ago, accompanied my friend to a nursery and ended up driving back with a clematis, one of my favorite flowers ever. It’s still vining up right now but fingers crossed for flowers. SO. Lots of things in at the moment, so far been good for the last week and we’ll see what ends up surviving the summer heat or not once we get to the weeks of 100ºF+ days. I’ve got some other plans/tweaks, but this is the bulk of things. Otherwise, life has been a lot and I’m still goin through it...grad school, research, coping with the porch birds I love getting killed by the feral cats, and so on :( Getting up to water has been motivating at least for finally leaving bed in the morning despite all my eye pain troubles (easier to just keep them closed for an extra 3 hours than to start the sequence of drops and compresses it takes to get them open). But then I can do my morning doomscrolling at least surrounded by beautiful flowers and birdsong instead of huddled in my cave.

#ramblings #container garden #my stuff

16 notes · View notes

waterspoutskies · 1 year

Note

Hcs for the types of socks the colors wear?

*sigh* Ok, so. For the unaware, I'm on a discord call with Ruby, and I was complaining about not finding something in my inbox.

And I meant my school email inbox. And Ruby was like "lol tumblr" and sent me this.

ANYWAY.

I'm gonna do this for Guardian Wars AU! Cause I think that's more fun. And following true to some of my headcanons for this, you're going to accidentally learn more than you bargained for. In the Guardian Wars AU, Four is present as the Colors as opposed to being one person because we wanted more characters. Am sorry to singular Four (because we did consider it both ways, and discussed it for a while!), we just wanted more people to cause chaos with.

Green - Mostly wears performance wicking ankle socks, sometimes compression ones instead depending on the day. As long as they match he's good to go, but he's got a variety of colors! And while not socks, he does have a pair of compression sleeves for preventative and treatment for shin splints! They're black because the only green for the sleeves was an ugly olive green.

Blue - He just has a dozen pairs of the same black and white ankle socks. Maybe he gets wild sometimes and has a few gray socks. Honestly there's probably more than a dozen pairs, but he doesn't keep track of it whatsoever. True teenage male closet right here. (He has a few secret pairs of warm fuzzy socks that Red gives him for winter!)

Red - Red wears fun socks! Like the mid calf... Uh crew cut I think it's called? ones, often with fun designs and patterns, or with art on them, or fuzzy socks! He and Legend trade notes on where to get cool art print socks, and it's his little joke to always get his family socks for the holidays.

Vio - Do you think this idiot has time to do something as mundane as match his socks? No. He just has a dozen pack of the basic Hanes socks, and he puts on whatever the first two he grabs are. Vio's more likely to wear boots than the other three so he has some longer/heavier ones too, but it's still a miracle if they match.

Bonus Round: Shadow - Shadow has lots of patterned socks, some of which are from Red! Though they're usually in darker colors. Also, Shadow possesses a considerable number of the grippy double sided non slip socks, like the medical ones. These are also colorful, and he has them for reasons.

There we go, Ruby. Sock headcanons just for you. Also, fuck you.

#Fuck you Ruby #Ruby please #Question Paloma #Is anybody listening?#You heard? No.#my writing #I guess #[OUR] writing #GuardianWarsAU #Four heroes make a rainbow #lu Green #lu Blue #lu Red #lu Vio #lu Shadow #linked universe #Giving socks is what I do to my sister for Xmas #It's our little gag because I got tired of her not wearing good performance socks to run in

12 notes · View notes

deadlydoofus · 1 year

Text

I posted 266 times in 2022

That's 266 more posts than 2021!

[lol, tumblr year in review thing but im bored so here's a bit of my thoughts and extra info on some of these posts in DOOFUS NOTES...... its all below the readmore so that people's feeds aren't clogged, i think that's how it works?]

My Top Posts in 2022:

i just realized i hadn't posted this here ever so i am fixing that NOW, lightning struck my brain a while back causing me to create this in a blaze of madness, a hypothetical halloween boss battle, but it was still so fun to do

(bg not mine, but i did edit it kinda to make it look like the battle bgs) [DOOFUS NOTE: Fun fact, this GIF was made for a concept of an Omori Halloween Mod! I made it in 3 days flat. I don't know how to feel about that! Heromari is truly powerful]

873 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

Hey OMORI? Those friends of yours are looking a little off.. [DOOFUS NOTE: Eugh, I've noticed alot of mistakes and off-looking details in this drawing since posting it, it was ffih related but I dunno if I'll ever make use of this! Oh, well, it's something ^^; ]

1,116 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

omori au where everything is the exact same except kel is extremely low resolution [DOOFUS NOTE: I still think this is hilarious LOL. It originated from a spelling mistake of "kel :)" to "kel )", which turned into compressing a cursed image of ffih kel to hell and back, to turning it into a server emote, and finally, to this! (at least thats how i remember it?) There's an Omori mod of the AU made by @monngofree go check it out if you haven't!] [https://mods.one/mod/badkelmod]

1,162 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

sunny!!! get us out of the ourple zone !!!!!!!!

more faraway folks in headspace haha, im thinking of making a series of some sort for this, probably a small pseudo-comic, or an ask blog if im feeling it lol

maybe not right away but im putting that out there too [DOOFUS NOTE: haha i did : ) i did do it! I almost decided against it since rw friends appearing in headspace was an idea that's been done already, but i decided it might be fun to try at least a little]

2,065 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post [DOOFUS NOTE: um first of all WHAT. WHY DOES IT HAVE OVER 6K NOTES BWHAWHAHJHJFW, second of all, DANG this artstyle is old-ish, and rather messy, and some stuff is inconsistent with the next panel, but overall it's not THAT bad i think? but like it's not that good either so I have no idea how this happened LOL. The post still fits them so well though ^^ Third of all, thank you random people and also followers that kept on liking and reblogging that post ?????? O_O]

6,215 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review → [DOOFUS NOTE: and well thats it, thank you for readin, as for the ffih in headspace au, it should start back up soon i hope! finals ending is just around the corner, sigh]

#tumblr2022 #year in review #i've been here for less than half a month #maaan a couple of these drawing were made during the time i was still trying to find an artstyle that stuck #this year has been wild-ish #thank you for exploding my brain

18 notes · View notes

mostspecialgirl · 6 months

Text

Insiders (2023) - redrawn from 2019

(rambling under the cut)

thank you tumblr for compressing my image down to disgusting crusty poop pixels on the app

i love to do a new big reference piece for my babies every few years, and the time has finally come due… and WOW !!! LOOK AT THAT IMPROVEMENT !!! everyone looks Normal And Alive and Non Bugeyed !!! everyone is a little less pasty white (im talking about you, tanith) !!! i think they all show a lil bit of nice personality in their faces now too which is lovely for me. i love to see my children happy. now to write about each of them

angelo’s line art has the least effort into it here and i was GONNA redraw him but honestly if anyone is going to look like a scrunkly little bug IT IS GOING TO BE HIM !!!!!! It’s been a minute since i’ve drawn his body-saws and on a whim i made them red AND !!! IT WORKS !!! I’M A FAN !!! i think he’s due for a main-outfit change though. not sure. i struggled with finding him a natural-looking skin color too because i’ve slowly made him as a person less undead-corpse-like and i think i’ve found a good spot. for now.

i pulled the perfect angora out of my mind and honestly i am shocked at what i have created. she looks so sweet and kind and innocent here (as she should) that to any unfamiliar observers you’d be hard pressed to tell she’s a big lazy gross vulgar piece of shit rat of a fishwoman. and that is EXACTLY how it should be. i have lost the plot for too long, giving her more sharp edges and a hunched back and wild expressions, but the standard angora really should be deceptively pretty. because that’s my girl.

Mila looks great as always. What more can I say? She’s always perfect. I had fun giving her lips for the first time!

AMPH … MY ADISHESHA … (slamming my fist down) I’ve finally perfected him… isn’t he pretty? isn’t he so pretty? I chose to draw him in his naga/incarnated form instead of the shadow form this time because i wasn’t lazy. I decided to throw a big coat on him, originally intended to be more lab coat-y, but influenced by how fucking cold it is outside i allowed myself to give him a big fur collared one. because if you can’t tell i love giving characters though. i think it worked out well for AMPH here, and now I have to be putting him in all sorts of cowls and capes until the end of time.

TANITH !!!!!!!! GGGGYRRRRAAAAHHHHH!!!! LOOK AT MY GIRL !!!!!!! I’M FERAL OVER THIS!!!!!! LOOK AT MY IMPROVEMENT !!!!!!! it’s been a hot minute since i’ve colored her, but i changed her palette in my mind a while ago AND looking at it here ? existing ? i’ve done it again. My lovely little sword daughter … i know i JUST doodled her but christ something was in the water here because SHE LOOKS SO GOOD. this is the best ive drawn any of them. i gave her some nice clothes this time instead of her usual big t-shirt because i realized i only gave her that in the past because i didn’t know how to draw clothes.

speaking of “best ive ever drawn any of them” somnus … THIS IS HIM … i’ve gotten close to capturing him in all the times i’ve drawn him but i think i’ve finally pinned him down here. and of course, he’s hitting the same pose as his wife because they’re cute like that. i ripped his colors straight from the solo reference piece i made for him a while back which has held up quite wonderfully.

FINALLY !!! SETH IS HERE !!! HE HAS ARRIVED IN PROPER INSIDERS GROUP ART !!! he looks pretty good here. i think he could still look BETTER, but for the purpose of having a nice group reference piece he looks pretty great i think. I struggled pinning down some colors for his clothes and was pretty lazy with the Purple Under His Hair That Glows BUT WHO CARES !!!! LOOKS GOOD TO ME !!! LOOK AT MY HANDSOME SON !!! i also decided to stick his full name on here that i’ve kept vaulted up for the reason that i’ve never had to put it anywhere before. if you know why he has “-zoe adamiel” as his chosen full name, congrats, you’re a huge fucking nerd.

eventually, i’m probably going to tack daisy, kane, sampi and demiurge onto the right side of this piece, but that’s for another day down the line. thanks for reading!

#insiders #oc #oc art #original character #original characters #oc design #oc designs #mostspecialgirlarttag #relicverse #sinai clan #angelo rust #angora heta #mila sinai #amph #tanith #soma somnus #seth-zoe adamiel

2 notes · View notes

brightgnosis · 10 months

Text

I know I complain on here a lot. Mostly it's because this is really my only outlet for the shitty circumstances in my life right now. Despite the complaining, however, I'm not an angry person. Really, I'm happy about 99% of the time; I love looking at the world and seeing the beauty in the joy. I'd probably be dead already by now if I didn't, frankly, because the world and the people in it can be really shitty a lot of the time for various reasons.

I just need to get the bursts of anger and upset out when they occur. Mostly because I know, after 33 years of therapy and dealing with myself, that if I don't, then it festers and becomes a larger problem. And I don't like who I am when I let it fester like that. I don't like what it does to me. So I'd much rather have a place to vent when needed, than keep it all compressed inside. And that's what Tumblr is for, for me: It's my journal. Good and bad, it goes here- and yeah, sometimes it's going to be more bad than good. And you know what? That's honestly okay.

Something I've really begun to notice over the last few months, however, that's started to bother me a lot ... Is just how many people seem to always be angry about everything. Not just angry, though ... How many of them allow their anger to make them spiteful. Hateful. Petty little people. And how many refuse to sit with their anger when it happens, examine it, accept it for what it is, and then release it in a healthy way that helps them rather than continuing to damage the world around them for ultimately no reason.

I don't understand it. And the more I'm exposed to it the older I get, the less I understand it, even ... More, I get tired of it; it's exhausting not just to watch, but to be around; it drains every fiber of my being when the people I talk to are only negative about the things going on in their life; when they never find anything positive (which isn't to say people have to be "sunshine and rainbows" and that there isn't a time and a place to unload. But it is to say that if all you're ever doing is unloading, it's maybe time to reevaluate things); when they only feel the need to constantly fight with everyone around them, or to be petty about what is ultimately stupid and irrelevant shit that really doesn't even matter at the end of it all.

Why keep yourself in those situations? Why not walk away, or block them, and be done with it? Why keep hating? Why keep being cruel, or mean, or spiteful and petty? Why not find something better for yourself? Why?

I'm so tired of fighting with everyone, and everything being a series of unnecessary escalations and extremes all of the time. I'm tired of hate and anger being the only acceptable set of emotions to experience anymore- and of pain seeming to be the only acceptable recourse to those emotions in seemingly any situation; to inflict on others ... There's a much better way.

I really struggle as someone with Bipolar II and a history of abuse, who learned zero appropriate coping mechanisms for anger growing up. And I get the negative hyperfixation and spiraling that comes with ADHD and Autism as someone who's AuDHD too. But I still managed to find it finally, and I'll fight to stay there, tooth and nail ... I just wish others in the world would wake up and find it, too.

#Personal #2023 #Keepsakes #Communicating Beautifully #Being A Better Human Being #Oklahoma

2 notes · View notes

skykristal · 1 year

Text

Q and A #1

@stormchi thanks so much for asking! not too much at all, distracts me so I appreciate it a lot <3

What got you into drawing? My mom! She used to draw for me when I was a little kid. And I always wanted to draw as good as see can. (shes no artist and doesn't do any art today)

Are there any pieces that are old but you're still proud of them? yes a big traditional artwork I did in uh... 2017? sorry just the kinda compressed photo I still have saved from IG, don't have a better pic of it rn. But I think it should be somewhere on my tumblr too.

What advice would you give to artists still trying to improve? to step out of you comfort zone. This is something that was holding me back for quite a long time. e.g. species and anatomy you usually don't draw and have no experience with. Using reference and the like. Basic stuff any artists would probably tell you xD

How did you think of ideas for your characters' world? honestly it's just daydreaming stuff that develops on it's own. Can't give any other answer than that. It's kinda unexplainable to me :'D

Which oc has your favorite color palette? I don't know honestly.. I like them all quite a lot. I don't really have a favorite color palette overall other than my favorite color being aqua which quite a few of my ocs have. But if I have to pick.. Niche. dark and galaxy is pretty c:

#questions and answers #artworks #drawing #character #digitalart #oc artwork #wolf #questions #artists on tumblr

2 notes · View notes

hospitalterrorizer · 7 months

Text

diary31

10/5-6/2023

errand day.

it's funny how tumblr urges you with "go on, put anything." it's like a dare or something. totally psycho kind of. anyways errands were fine, basically, and i recorded two songs, but i made myself insane today anyways because i impulsively cut my hair to make my bangs "right" and i think they're fine and don't look any different actually except they might sit a little better but i miss my big hair and i should just not touch my hair until it's getting to where i want it to be again and then finally do that stuff and i feel ugly still and so it's all combining to make me really really fucked up or something and i'm basically so stupid that it hurts.

i like kept cutting tiny bits and shearing pieces off just to get like, it to fan out more and i got back in the shower like 3 times so i could re-blow dry my hair over and over and i hate being obsessive like this but i literally c an't let anything go if it feels wrong i need to keep doing it until it's right and i don't want to be like this anymore but my own life feels like a plastic bag on my face that i am trying to adjust just enough so i can breathe but not get rid of entirely, because the burden is necessary sometimes or something, and like, i keep going to the bathroom to check if my bangs look fine and if my hair looks fine and i can't stop myself and it makes me anxious and that makes my body temperature rise and it's so miserable. i am so hot even though it's like only 77 degrees in here. i am feeling slightly on fire and i can feel dampness on my forehead. and that will kind of make my bangs look worse because sweat=greasy greasy=hair sticking together and stuff. i think everyone knows. it's just awful. it's like a downward slope that's going to make me want to light myself on fire.

i want to feel like my hair is a giant blanket or scarf resting on my head, something luxuriant, or something. or at least to feel that one time out of the month, it would be really really nice. i'm really going to make myself feel awful if i keep talking about it but i don't know what else to talk about. today was good in every way i think and i'm just like this. no one really hates me except people who are bound to hate people like me, everyone who talked to me today was nice to me.

i wish i could feel like this again, i guess is how i feel.

at least all this obsessing over hair gave me an image for lyrics, so now one of the 2 min songs that had nothing has something, probably needs to be edited and fleshed out some but that's pretty good, and it won't need to be screamy the whole way through.

anyways, finally listening to a bunch of the songs, especially the more hardcore ones that are a bit older, their mixes are still kinda fucked but i think i definitely know what's wrong with them, they're a little boomy in the guitars meaning the low mids are maybe way too boosted, and the vocals could use more high end and compression, i should also see about lowering the guitars and maybe replacing them with some of the new ones i have but also, these are songs where low-mid heavy guitars are necessary and the newer songs are a bit, i dunno, sharper, i think the guitars here in some of these can sound fine they just need some brightening and re-eqing. otherwise i do have good foundations. some of the songs also need guitars placed in the left channel, i do think it would be good to have something different happening there, maybe plays on the main riff, weird alterations, someone getting really dissonant or something.

in the laundromat, i just sat and listened to orchid and stared into space, i didn't read like i wanted to, i just wanted to not exist kinda and staring into space helped with that, i also dim-wittedly put the clothes that needed drying into a broken dryer so i had to take them out and put them in a working one. #genius

okay, that's enough of today. i really want to shower already and sit and not be sweaty and hopefully get all this dumb stuff off my mind.

so,

byebye!!

1 note · View note

nyerus · 4 years

Text

TCGF Donghua Masterpost: How to Watch Legally!~

✨First things to know:✨

There are two places to watch: the official Bilibili App/Website, or Bilibili's YouTube Channel.

Episodes are going to be simulcast, with hard-coded English subtitles on launch!

Both are paid services, if you want to watch on-release as it airs. Price varies per region.

You can also watch for free on YouTube two weeks after an episode airs live. You will not be able to watch for free on Bilibili except for ep1.

The YouTube channel will only have free episodes for a limited time, so if you are watching for free, do not dally! They will be locked behind a paid sub after some time, too.

IMPORTANT: The TGCF donghua on YouTube is region-locked. (Unavailable countries: North/Central/South America, United Kingdom, Ireland, Japan, South Korea, New Zealand, Australia.) But if you are affected, you can use a VPN. Just pay for the sub and then use VPN.

ALTERNATIVELY: Everyone can watch on the Bilibili website, as it has no region locks! You can pay on the website via PayPal!

The Bilibili app itself is region-locked, but Android users can easily use an APK (and pay with GooglePay) to circumvent this. iOS users are best off sticking to the website only, but some counties may allow the app to be downloaded (just check first).

You will need a Bilibili account if you're going to use the Bilibili App/Website. But it's not difficult to make (guide will be linked below), and if you have one for the TGCF manhua, you can just use that one.

✨"Bilibili or YouTube?"✨

Short answer: Bilibili is better overall, especially the website. But there are pros and cons of each, so you can decide for yourself.

Pros of YouTube:

Easy to navigate for English speakers

Straightforward to subscribe, via Google/Apple Pay, or PayPal

Cons of YouTube:

Region-locked for many countries

Require a VPN if so

Subscription is more expensive in certain regions

Pros of Bilibili:

Website is not region-locked, no VPN required

Can use PayPal to pay for sub via website, or GooglePay/Apple Pay via mobile app

Subscription is cheaper

Cons of Bilibili:

Little confusing to navigate if you don't know Chinese

App is region-locked on Google Play/Apple App Store, and iOS users cannot download APK to get around this unlike Android users (but everyone can still use website!!!)

---

⚠️Please expand the following visual guides, as tumblr heavily compresses them for your dash.⚠️

---

✨YouTube Guide✨

Important Notices:

The paid subscriptions are just channel-based.

YouTube has tiered subscriptions. "MBBM lv2" is the tier you want, in order to watch both episodes 1 & 2 on launch (October 31st). "MBBM lv1" will only have access to episode 1, thus putting them one week behind the lv2 viewers.

Go to: "youtube [.] com/channel/UCQFy MGc60N MCd6H Ck0ZPA" (remove spaces and brackets)

How to subscribe on YouTube:

If you are from one of the region-locked countries, you can use a VPN after purchasing the subscription. If you don't have a paid VPN, you can use a free one like ProtonVPN (suggested by many fans, who have verified it works with the 2nd PV, as that is currently region-locked too).

---

✨Bilibili Website Guide✨

Important Notices:

You will need a Bilibili account. If you have one for the manhua, for example, you can just use those same credentials. If you need to make a new account, please see the end of this post for a link on how to make one.

There are no tiers for the Bilibili subscription; it's just one flat price.

You can choose to buy the 3 month subscription, which will allot you 93 days--more than enough for the airing of the donghua. You can also pay monthly if you wish. (There are other lengths too, but you likely do not need/want them.)

Go to: "Bilibili [.] com" (remove spaces and brackets)

How to subscribe on the Bilibili Website:

Be sure to follow the 天官赐福 page on Bilibili afterwards!~

---

✨Bilibili App Guide✨

Important Notices:

If the app is region-locked in your country (most likely is), please download the APK via APKPure!!!!!!! There are two versions of the app, and the one from the Bilibili home page is not the one you want because it requires AliPay/WeChat Pay/etc, all of which require Chinese credentials.

Due to the probable need of using an APK to get it, using the app is only easy for Android users! If iOS users are able to download the correct version of the app, however, the guide is much the same.

I have a guide on how to know which app is the right one, if needed. See below this section.

How to subscribe on the Bilibili app:

Once you pay on the app, you'll be able to watch anywhere!

---

If you need to make a new Bilibili account, check out the instructions on this reddit post: "reddit [.] com/r/FinalGearEN/comments/di6tme/bilibili_account_registration_guide/" (remove spaces an brackets)

---

‼️Differences between Bilibili Apps:‼️

I'm not sure if the alternative version of the app works with PayPal in other regions, but it didn't give me the option when I tried, even when I logged in. Thus, my guess is no, and that only the website offers PayPal, but the "correct" version of the app offers via Google Play.

---

✨"When should I pay?"✨

Probably a few days before the donghua releases would get you the most bang for your buck. If you are paying via Bilibili and doing the 3 month sub (93 days), you can pay basically anytime between now and October 31st and have enough days left on your sub for all 11 episodes. (Unless there is a random mid-season break, but I doubt that.)

---

Hope this helps! If you have questions, feel free to send in an ask!

And sorry for the ugliness of these images. Graphic design is not my passion as you can see.... 😂

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #hob #tgcf donghua #nyerus.txt #guide #long post #i made this on mobile so i cant put any cuts for brevity please forgive me!#nye's guides

2K notes · View notes

appleciders · 3 years

Text

Rachel + Leah + Water, the Director’s Cut!

Okay, so I made this gifset exploring Rachel and Leah and the ocean, but because there’s a ten gif limit and a major point of gifsets is for them to look nice, I had to sacrifice a lot of the behind the scenes thoughts and initial versions that came along the way. I still wanted to talk about them though, because I found a lot of them really cool, so I figured I’d stick all that in this post. It’s gonna get long, so you can find the rest under the cut!

So first up, we have Leah as we first see her in the water. (I’m using shitty screenshots because tumblr has a 2mb limit for gifs on text posts and I don’t feel like compressing these down lmao.) Here, she’s face-down, unconscious, floating on a fragment of the plane. This is the first time we see any of the girls in the water.

As Leah gives her dramatic speech talks to the detectives, we see flashbacks to the girl’s lives pre-island. There we see that one of them already has a very strong relationship with the water already, in her before-life: Rachel.

Rachel, as we know, is a diver. We see her take a magnificent tumble into the pool, but when she surfaces, her coach is sternly head-shaking. She corrects Rachel’s form, and after she walks away, Rachel echoes the correction, clearly frustrated with herself.

Back to Leah. We next see Leah waking up on her lil chunk of flotsam. When she realizes what the hell’s going on, she does what we all would do and starts screaming in terror.

Her panic gets interrupted by Jeannette’s classic Raise Your Glass ringtone. (This was my alarm for two years in high school, and when I watched this for the first time I did have an out-of-body experience). She swims her way over to the Hello Kitty suitcase and—irrationally—unzips it, but we’ll cut her some slack because she’s in some serious shock. As she tries to get the phone, it slips through her fingers and starts spiraling down to the bottom of the ocean. She dives after it.

Unfortunately, she quickly runs out of air and has to give up. She then spots Jeannette floating nearby, checks her out, judges her to be “just a little roughed up,” and then sees land and has a big oh-thank-fuck moment. Because we saw Gretchen’s team placing all of the girls, we know that Linh and Leah were the only two that were put out in the open water. The other girls were put in the beach, or, in Martha’s case, near the shore. This was probably done to quell some of Leah’s suspicions about the crash, but it does give me a couple questions about how they got the other girls wet—did they hose them all down? Pour a couple buckets over their heads? Bob each of them up and down a couple times in a big net like fries in a fryer??

Anyway, not important.

Next that we see, Leah has pulled Jeannette/Linh in from the water. (My Australian parents, who can never pass up an opportunity to give ocean safety tips, chimed in at this point in our first watch to say “See how she’s doing it! You always want to hold someone from behind and pull them in that way. Good job, well done.” So there’s some approval for you, Leah.) As Leah nears the shore, Dot and Toni come tearing in and they help pull the two of them out.

The rest of the episode after that really only concerns fresh water—Toni and Shelby set out in search of it, to no avail, and Nora helpfully plugs Diet Coke reminds us multiple times that sugar’s heavier than water, so “sugar sinks.” We do set up a goal for the next couple episodes, though: Rachel says, “I'm gonna swim out to the plane tomorrow. See if I can find anything,” and Leah volunteers to come with. Rachel gives her a nod of respect.

Moving on to episode two, we have Rachel and Leah’s (iconic) first real conversation. Rachel says she’s still going out to the wreckage. Leah looks out and looks back at her, incredulous, and says, “Rachel, the water’s insane.” Here’s a big recurring association—the water and “insanity.” (I use insanity here because that’s the language they use, along with psycho/crazy. In no way does that reflect my actual beliefs about their behavior nor am I condoning the way they use those words.) Leah points out the rip current (“well done,” said my mum), and explains her very brief stint as a norcal surfer. Rachel still looks set on going, but then Leah says:

Turns out, Leah can be as ripe with foreshadowing as Fatin. This marks the appearance of their second main association with the ocean—death. After she says this, Leah turns Rachel’s attention inland, and the two agree to climb a big hill to scope out their situation.

Episode two is also obviously Rachel’s episode, so we see a lot of her relationship with diving.

We see her plunge over and over and over again, drilling technique and form, but despite all her hard work, we learn her coach advised her to quit the team. Instead, Rachel throws herself in twice as hard, and ends up with an eating disorder. By the time the nationals come around, she’s too physically weak to dive safely, and she ends up hitting her head as she goes down. She surfaces in the pool with blood flowing around her.

She refuses to see that as the end of her diving career. She says she’s gonna “get back out there” and “be fucking great again” and she tells Nora at the end of the episode that she needs her to let her believe that.

In episode three, we finally see Leah and Rachel’s trip out to the plane! Nora comes along with them, her relationship with Rachel smoothed over after the events of ep two. “Nora’s a good swimmer,” Rachel explains as she invites her, “We were both water babies.” Water’s clearly been central to Nora and Rachel’s identities since they were really young.

The three of them make their escape from the rest of the girls as the topic of building a shelter comes up. “Not interested in putting down roots!” Rachel calls. In keeping with the elements theme, Rachel isn’t looking to be grounded. She climbs super high into the air and she dives deep into the water, but earth isn’t her thing. (See: the quicksand scene. Whoops.)

Anyway, the three of them paddle out into the water. Rachel dives down, scopes out the plane, tells Nora she doesn’t expect her to “fucking free dive in open water,” and then looks to Leah and asks if she’s ready. Leah reluctantly agrees.

We get our first shot Rachel swimming down into the ocean and our second shot of Leah (first the phone, second the plane). In the wreckage of the plane, they discover the black box, affixed to the wall. They keep trying to wrench it free, but it’s stuck, and Leah—who’s primary activity is, like, reading—keeps having to surface for air. Rachel gets frustrated and grabs her leg, holding her down.

Leah screams and fights, but Rachel doesn’t let go. We cut away, and when we see them again, they’ve emerged victorious (Rachel) and drowned as dogs after a bath (Leah and Nora) with the black box in hand. Later, Leah mutters the above line to Fatin, calling Rachel a “psychopath.” For those keeping score at home, here’s where we refer back to the association between water and “insanity.”

In episode four, the ocean benevolently bestows a bag of takis upon Nora, and we have our whole shelter-building shebang. It’s all very land-based until Leah and Fatin go head to head, which ends with Fatin smearing her blood all over Leah’s face. Leah, with her usual flair, strips off her clothes as she walks into the ocean. She stays down there, passively letting the water wash the blood from her face.

This shot parallels a couple things. First, the drifting blood visually parallels Rachel in the pool after her diving injury. Second, we have Rachel staring out at the water where Leah’s disappeared and going, “Man, that is some real Virginia Woolf-type shit.” Dot has no fucking clue what she means, so Fatin interprets: “It means that bitch is crazy. She said you were the psychopath of the group.” Now it’s Leah who’s done something in the water that’s been deemed insane. The water and “insanity;” the water and accusations of insanity within their relationship.

Those accusations pop up in episode five, but the episode is pretty focused on the inland search for Fatin, and revolves around fresh water, not salt water. (That could be a whole nother post lol.) It’s in episode six where we again see these two return to the ocean.

Rachel is diving in the ocean! For fun! She’s picking up pretty shells (which granted isn’t the safest thing to do in the pacific, cone snails are not our friends), and she’s grinning, and she’s generally enjoying herself. With the, uh, finale situation, we’re probably not gonna get to see her smile for a bit, which is sad, because she should get to do this more often! This shot visually echoes her diving for the plane and Leah diving for the phone, except she can be in a better mood because there is no end goal.

So she goes diving, ends up finding a bunch of mussels, gathers ‘em up, and brings ‘em back to camp. They all chow down, but wind up with serious food poisoning. Martha and Toni ring death’s doorbell a couple of times. Rachel blames herself—she’s the one that went swimming out there, she brought the mussels back. Again, we see that connection between the ocean and death.

And that association comes back bright an early in ep seven! The tide surges higher than they’ve ever seen, taking down their shelter and leaving them all scrambling.

While Leah convinces Fatin that her life is more important than her suitcase, Rachel is left with a decision: help Nora, screaming to her from where she’s clinging to a rock for dear life, or grab the black box. In a move that contrasts Toni’s immediate and unquestioning aid of Martha, Rachel picks the black box.

After, when they’re debriefing, Nora’s quick to bring it up. She doesn’t hide her hurt. “It happened so fast,” she says, “we all acted irrationally. Like Fatin, who jumped into a rip current to save her toothbrush. Or Rachel, who left me for fucking dead.” I think this counts as a double whammy for the “insanity” and death count—I think “acted irrationally” is as close as Nora gets to calling anyone crazy, and is honestly a better descriptor of all the other instances of “insanity” that we’ve seen, and the ocean was the source of the very real risk to Nora’s life.

(Honestly, I think Rachel thought she was making a rational choice here—just with some grim fucking calculus. Still, given that nobody’d responded to the black box by then, I think it was a decision fueled by the need to keep hold of hope more than actual rationality.) In a fun contrast to the rest of the episode, it’s Leah that keeps a level head in this situation.

The rest of the episode is low on water scenes, though Leah’s paranoia about Shelby is fueled by her sneaking off to the water, which could fall under the “insanity” category. It also marks where Nora begins to take an active role in breaking apart Rachel’s fantasy about diving again.

Ep eight has one of the best montages in a series of great montages, with the playing in the water scene! A plane has seen them, they’re gonna be saved, and they all get to get high and act like kids.

I have this lingering and probably irrational concern that the entire water play scene is choreographed and that it’s chock-full of foreshadowing. Like I know to some extent they likely were just like “yeah guys go goof off in the water,” but like...the wave pulling Rachel and Nora apart here...I mean.... (Rachel is probably gonna get more blood on Dot in the near future, too. ) That aside, their horseplay gets interrupted when Leah notices some blood on Dot, which Rachel realizes is her own period blood.

Fatin then chimes in with her ever-gleeful foreshadowing: “Shark week for Rachel.” So while this whole encounter with the water actually seems mostly good for a change, it’s colored by the tie-in to what we know is coming.

In ep nine, reality has set in that rescue isn’t imminent. Everyone’s starving, Leah has started to spiral, and Rachel’s unusually skittish. By the tide’s edge, Nora asks for her help fishing, but Rachel refuses, saying that she’s weak. Nora flicks water at her, and Rachel flinches, clearly scared.

Starvation seems to have triggered Rachel’s trauma around the water leftover from her diving accident. In response, Nora reaches out a hand and says, “Let’s go for a walk.”

Meanwhile, Leah’s spiral has reached critical. She starts ranting about the ocean and the water and pushes past Dot, sprinting into the waves:

And so she’s taken to heart the way they think Jeannette’s body “escaped” the island—the tide—and it’s been spun like cotton candy in her head. She’s right, technically—Jeanette/Linh’s body was moved off the island by boat, and there’s definitely an argument that if they really did all swim out Gretchen’s team would save them, or at least try to. This is also a very real suicide attempt. So it’s kind of a culmination of the threats of death and mental health issues that’ve been wrapped up in the ocean since the start.

On Rachel’s end, Nora has taken her up to a cliff. Rachel calls the whole thing “borderline insane,” walking up when they’re so low on energy, but Nora tells her she needs to make a truce between herself and the water.

“You’re afraid of it now,” she says, and Rachel replies that, “All it ever did was make me sick.” Nora immediately surges forward to say “That’s not true!” Rachel, incredulous, says, “Isn't this what you want? For me to hang it up? For me to forget the whole fucking diving game?” Nora says, “No. I don't know. I don't want you to forget you.” She then tells Rachel she should dive off the end of the cliff, that she marked it to make sure it’s safe. Rachel says she can’t.

There’s a lot here. First, there’s the first time we’ve seen of Rachel explicitly call herself sick. In episode two, even in a treatment center, she still denies it, says she’s just an athlete who knows what it takes. But now she’s reached a place where she acknowledges her eating disorder—and also probably her recent illness with the mussels—and ties it directly to the water. It’s the reason she’s sick.

Nora’s fear that Rachel will forget herself also just hammers home how central the water has always been to Rachel’s identity. Cutting herself off from the water would be cutting off a core part of herself. (...whoops) And we’ve seen that it does bring her actual joy, when she’s allowed to relax with it, but she’s had such traumatic associations rolled up into it now. Nora doesn’t want Rachel to do diving as a sport anymore, because of how badly it’s hurt her, but she does want Rachel to keep diving and swimming as like, a form of unevaluated personal expression.

At the moment that Rachel’s refusing to jump, she and Nora hear shouts from the mainland. They see Fatin and Dot screaming after Leah. Confused, Nora asks, “Where is she going?” but Rachel understands immediately, with absolute certainty, without needing to be told—“To fucking drown to death.” Seven episodes after Leah called heading into the water a death wish, she’s finally proving it true. Rachel squares her shoulders, takes a few deep breaths, and sprints into a dive.

Unlike all her other dives high altitude dives we’ve seen her do, this dive isn’t qualified based on aesthetics. This dive matters because of what it will do, not on how it looks. And what it does do is bring her into the ocean, where she needs to be for her friend. So with strong strokes, she swims out towards Leah.

When she reaches her, she takes hold of her, pulls her into her chest from behind. She begins to swim with her back to shore. This rescue directly parallels Leah’s rescue of Linh that we talked about above. It also, as the Out in the Wilds podcast insightfully pointed out, really calls Rachel and Leah’s relationship back to the beginning. Whereas Rachel had initially held Leah down in the water, putting her in danger of drowning, Rachel here pulls her out of the water, saving her from drowning. Together, they make it all the way back to the shore.

Finally (and, like, if you’ve made it all the way down here? bless you. thank you), we have episode ten. The ocean doesn’t really figure into episode ten until the very end. Rachel has had a long episode of healing—she’s happy to be full and she’s in a good place with her sister and things seem to be going pretty okay. She decides to heal her relationship with the water, too. She heads out, telling Nora that she’s “Just gonna float, Nor. Just float.”

Just floating. After all the times we saw her plunging into the water, purposefully, with frustration, with drive, with so much to prove and with so much sacrifice and self-abuse to prove it with, Rachel finally just wants to float. She wants to let herself relax. She wants to let the water carry her.

Of course, that means there has to be, like, a massive marine carnivore waiting to mistake her for a seal.

Visually, this shot really parallels the opening shot of Leah on the fragment of plane. Instead of being face-down, though, she’s face-up, and she’s conscious, just not of the threat from below.

The shark bites.

In a horrible parallel to Leah’s Virginia Woolf moment and Rachel’s diving accident, we see blood pool in the water. Rachel is pulled under. The girls on the land start screaming and running toward her. We know Rachel doesn’t die, but this is still a near-death experience, one that probably cost her her arm. Leah, covered in dirt and her own blood after crawling out of the pit Nora led her into, can only stand and watch, shocked and horrified.

So that got! Way longer than I meant it to! And honestly most of this was condensed into very concise tags in a post I made a few days ago! But if you made it all the way down here, you’ve now seen everything I wanted to fit into that gifset but couldn’t. Thanks for sticking with me, friend <3

#the wilds #rachel reid #leah rilke #the wilds meta #this got away from me a bit lol #there was absolutely no proofreading on this so if something doesn't make sense...oops #leah x rachel

72 notes · View notes