#truly have no idea what is happening | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hella1975 · 8 months

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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

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polaraffect · 7 months

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me: time for another fun day logging on to foblr-

my dash:

#damien.txt #guys what's happening here. i have missed some crucial context skdjfhgksdfhgsjd #having fun with it but truly i have no idea what the fuck any of it means sjkdfhgskjdfhgsdj #fall out boy

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iangallagherisadeadman · 1 month

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post-s11 Tami definitely gets tired of Lip and leaves him.

yes, I do like them as a couple, I think it is an interesting dynamic and that Tami is good for him honestly, even though they lived completely different lives and crash so many times because of it throughout the last seasons.

fact is Lip won't ever change and will keep making the same kind of mistakes and she will get fed up with it eventually. they'll go different ways, maybe keep a somewhat friendly relationship, and she will get a new partner and Lip will have a Sean kind of relationship with Fred: that kid is the most important thing in his whole life and he's constantly hunted by the fear of drinking again and hurting Fred.

#headcanon?#its not that i desire lip to be unhappy and unlovable i just feel like he wont get his happy ending living the way he is #making the decisions hes making treating people the way he does #i feel like he is going to mature by the power of love because of fred i truly believe that #also no fucking way hes going to be poor for the rest of his life hes a genius and a southside he will get up and fix this up #i like him as a mecanic but that one s11 scene that he saves that dude a lot of money in the computer doing a super simple thing #means to me hes not done with the whole engineer thing. he just will need lots of money and labs he used to have acess at college and doesn #anymore but he will do whats necessary and turn things around definitely #maybe he thinks he can pull this off without going back to college and eventually realises he cant and then has to try to pick up his credi #and finish somewhere near? i dont know i dont understand lots about US educational system #honestly my dream is for him to work for debbie so she could be his boss it would be his life karma and make her happy #but that would never happen unfortunately #lip gallagher #tami tamietti #fred gallagher #shameless #shameless us #og.#fic idea

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angeart · 8 months

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With interest, Grian watches Scar heave breaths and clutch at his chest. The surrounding caves full of lava pops and hissing mobs fall away, bringing them somewhere dark and misty instead. The ground is smooth and pitch black, some blocks of it gently floating away in a way that’s entirely disturbing; a picture of a quiet and broken world. Glancing appraisingly around, Grian takes a step away from Scar, swishing his tail impatiently as he waits for him to calm down.

“Gee, Grian. Can’t you bring us somewhere nice for once?” Scar huffs out breathlessly, still slightly bent forward. His messy brown hair falls into his eyes, partially covering up his expression.

Grian itches to step closer and push Scar’s hair away, so he can see his face in full. “I can’t,” he lies, a hint of sulkiness in his voice. His nose scrunches up a little as he wrangles the strange urges nestled in his heart, and he takes one more step decidedly away from Scar.

Taking a final deep breath, Scar straightens up. “Can’t or won’t?” he presses.

“Can’t,” Grian insists, even though the words feel like gravel in his throat under the scrutiny of Scar’s gaze. There’s something in Scar’s eyes as he looks back at Grian, and Grian can’t quite identify it—something veering on expectant. Something hopeful, maybe. Something strange. His tail sharply swishes again, agitated, and he blurts out: “What are you the most afraid of?”

“What?” Scar startles, visibly flinching under the abrupt ambush.

“What are you the most afraid of?” Grian repeats, pinning him down with his gaze. “We went through plenty things. You scare easily. But what is The Big Bad Scary Thing for you? I can’t quite figure it out.”

Scar feels his heartbeat in his throat. He purses his lips and stays silent.

They stare at each other.

Swish, swish, swish. Grian’s tail flicks from side to side as he waits.

Scar thinks Grian might explode if he won’t give him something. He releases a breath, wilfully loses the staring match and stammers out: “I—I’m not telling you that!”

Grian’s tail droops, suddenly weighted as he pouts. “Aw, why not?”

It’s a display of innocence, but Scar knows he’d be barking up the wrong tree if he wanted to find a shred of innocence in the demon that stands in front of him. (And yet a part of him wants him to willingly let himself get deceived. A part of him wants to think that it’s not as impossible as the rest of him makes it out to be.) Gritting his teeth, he pulls up every defence he can muster; unease sings in his veins, ready to be called upon once again in this dreamscape, always so, so very close to surface here. “You’ll use it! You’ll use it against me!” he accuses.

“I’d never,” Grian says simply, his lips twitching into a toothy grin.

“Pfhshs, you would, you absolutely would, you menace!” Scar protests, taking a stumbling half-a-step back, as if having physical distance ever helped him in here. (It never helps. Sometimes he feels like closer is the only right place to be. Like the further he runs, the more danger he’s in.)

The familiar sound of giggles bubbles out of Grian; his eyes are bright when they meet Scar’s again.

Running on some faulty setting, Scar’s heart skips a beat at the sight. He blames it on adrenaline—on the constant looming feeling of awaiting terror; on the lingering fear that so stickily clings to him whenever he dreams—but somewhere deep down in the pit of his stomach he knows that’s not it.

He watches Grian quiet down again, eyes grazing the surrounding dreamscape almost contemplatively. There’s a small tilt to Grian’s head as he thinks, a curve to his throat and jaw that makes Scar’s fingers twitch. He pries his gaze away and forces himself still, instead watching the world slowly float away around him and get swallowed by the void.

Is that what’s going to happen to him if he keeps standing here?

Dread curls through the spaces between his ribs at the thought, even though he’s aware it’s better than most alternatives.

Grian’s hum interrupts his thoughts, and the dread in Scar’s chest grows thicker and more insistent.

“I noticed,” Grian starts musingly, “that you don’t usually dream about other people.”

Scar blinks, trying to regain his footing in the seeming randomness of the topic. “So?”

“Well, most people dream about other people in their lives now and then,” Grian notes. His dark eyes hold Scar hostage. “Bad dreams, you know. Them getting hurt? Or getting hurt by them? Things like that.” His tail swishes. There’s something both grim and intrigued in his expression as he continues hungrily watching Scar. “But you don’t.”

There’s a flash image rushing through Scar at those words: Mumbo, drenched in blood, sobbing helplessly as he collapses on the floor and curls up on himself. Scar, hovering around him, not knowing how to help.

He tries to cover up the shakiness of his breath with false bravado. He isn’t going to let Grian have that. “I don’t see anything wrong with that,” he retorts, his voice carrying only a hint of his fraying nerves. He doesn’t think he could bear that kind of nightmares.

Grian cocks his head, eyes still lingering on him in that scrutinising way. “Is it because you don’t have anyone? Is that what you’re secretly afraid of? That you’ll die completely alone?”

Scar’s brows pull into a bemused frown. “Are you insulting me?”

“What?” A genuine confusion disrupts the intensity of Grian’s gaze.

“I have friends!” Scar huffs out defensively.

“Wait,” Grian shakes his head, feeling like he’s suddenly two steps behind Scar in this conversation. “Why would that be an insult?”

This whole time, Grian thought there’s simplicity in fears. Everyone was scared of something. And Grian did so very much enjoy putting his hands in that particular jar of honey, so tantalising and rich and sweet. There was fascination in watching it all unfold, so raw and terrible. Seeing the frantic urgency, the rising swell of overwhelming emotions ready to consume. Yet at the end of it, there was nothing. Always, always. Inevitably, it’d end. They’d all wake up.

All but him.

They’d wake up and none of it would ever be real.

He was just playing. It didn’t mean anything.

Scar is looking at him as if maybe it meant something.

“Well, you’re—” Scar starts, a baffled edge to his voice. Wasn’t it obvious? He thought it was obvious. But Grian keeps looking at him with that same confusion etched into his features, and so Scar fumbles for a way to put his knee-jerk thought into coherent words. “You’re saying I might die alone. Isn’t that kind of like suggesting that I’m unlovable?”

There’s a beat of silence when Grian parses through his words, slots them somewhere within himself.

Scar can’t tell where Grian’s slotting them. He just wants to be understood, and for them to move on.

But Grian doesn’t swiftly move from it quite like Scar hopes.

His tail once again gravitates straight down; his wings droop and his bat-like ears twitch and pull back. “Oh.” It’s a small sound, timid and fractured and just a little bit guarded.

Scar watches Grian’s face scrunch up again, in a way that’d be completely endearing if it wasn’t so alarming. Because Grian doesn’t usually make a face like this. He’s sulky, sure, and he’s chaotic. He cackles and sighs and swishes his damn tail and—

He shouldn’t look timid. He shouldn’t look like he’s about to get hurt.

“Grian…?”

When Grian speaks, his voice is even quieter, cracking with something unsure. “I didn’t know it’s…” He stops, the words hitting some dam within him. I didn’t know it’s bad, is what he almost says. His frown deepens, and he’s not looking at Scar anymore; he’s staring at the ground, as if it held the answers he so desperately needed. “I didn’t…” He trails off again, sheepish. I didn’t mean that you’re unlovable hovers on the tip of his tongue, but he bites at it until it dies in his throat.

A sharp urge to step closer and lift Grian’s chin sears through Scar.

Before he can do anything, Grian lifts his head on his own accord and meets Scar’s gaze.

Grian’s dark eyes are full of some deep pitfall, a ravaging emotion that Scar fails to identify.

“Am I?” Grian asks, words imbued with painful desperation. Am I unlovable? echoes through him, thrums through every part of him with the wild force of his heartbeat.

He shouldn’t be asking this. Why is he asking this?

It shouldn’t matter.

Why does it hurt to think it?

He should be coating the words in sharp edges. He should be using them as knives. He should be digging his claws into Scar, mocking him that yes, maybe Scar is unlovable. He should be trying to see if that scares him. If it hurts.

Isn’t that what nightmares should be about?

But instead, Grian’s the one in pain.

And yet.

And yet it looks like Scar is hurt too, somehow, anyway. There’s a faint fragrance of fear in the air, an unfamiliar tinge to it that Grian can’t quite pinpoint.

A part of Grian wants to stay and figure it out. It wants to indulge in the way Scar looks right now; it wants to step closer, to put his sharp, clawed fingers against Scar’s pulse point and find out what makes it beat like that.

The other part of him is cacophonic and loud, ringing alarm bells and frantically trying to get him to run away.

Run away from what? Run where?

This is his world. This is his place.

He isn’t supposed to hurt here.

He doesn’t realise his breaths are turning rapid and shallow; his heart is throwing a tantrum, causing havoc within him. All he knows is that he has a strong urge to hide. To protect himself. To stay safe. Deeper, deeper in the dreamscape. That’s where he should be. That’s where he needs to go.

He steps away from Scar and with wide eyes and too-loud heartbeat, he watches Scar follow.

“I’m done playing for today,” he lets him know, the words raspy and wrong as they barely make it past the lump in his throat. He doesn’t wait, doesn’t give out any more chances; he turns around and runs.

The ground rumbles in the wake of his footsteps, walls pulling up behind him, blocking Scar’s path to him and rendering him unable to follow.

#fine tumblr can have this too #ange writes #sleep demon grian au #he's not aware but he's traumatised #also he has no idea what happens once people wake up #he doesn't remember how the waking world works #all he knows is that he can't truly harm anyone #that matters #anyway maybe one day scar'll tell him about it #once grian stops running off at the first sign of Emotion mhm #tbh i don't blame him #i'm tired guys idk if any of this makes proper sense cjnxkj

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corrodedcoughin · 9 months

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Corroded coffin (plus Wayne who actually got them started in this whole thing) as ufo hunters and Robin and Steve as amateur documentary makers as part of a college course (steve as the presenter Robin as the cameraman and let’s face it, co-presenter because she’s not going a minute without interrupting what Steve is saying with a very Important Point). Steve and Robin travelling out to meet the guys after getting a tip from Nancy that this could be a story for them to film for their final assignment. Corroded coffin jumping at the chance and even ask if they can do the soundtrack for the Final Cut.

Steve and Robin don’t take it too seriously, thinking it’ll be a bit of fun and a mini holiday, an easy slice of life film.

Until Wayne takes them all out to a notorious sighting spot and his nephew maybe gets a little to enthusiastic with his call to the ufos, jumping out and putting on a show for his audience. So enthusiastic that Eddie calls back to the full car that he ‘hey Wayne wait, is that star getting closer?’ And then there’s a light so bright that closing your eyes is useless. And then? Eddie is gone.

#I truly have no idea I just was thinking about aliens #and wanted ufo corroded coffin with Wayne as their elder showing them the way #mr Clarke is Wayne’s science man (and man friend of you are picking up what I’m putting down)#(yes eddie started saying man friend becuase wayne wouldn’t admit it but it’s a name of affection now. and they basically live together)#kids are in school and catch wind of thr disappearance and demand to be involved #OR OH WAIT STEVE AND ROBIN RECUIR MR CLARKE FROM HOME WITH THE KIDS AND THATS HOW THEY MEET #Steve and mr Clarke finding the loves of their lives #who happen to be ufo truthers #idk

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eddiebabygirldiaz · 9 months

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Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday

tagged by @giddyupbuck @wikiangela @jesuisici33 @spotsandsocks @the-likesofus @hippolotamus @spaceprincessem @rewritetheending @disasterbuckdiaz @rogerzsteven @loserdiaz @theotherluciferr

thank you my loves! muah! 💖

paint sex fic has officially gotten out of hand so here is some of eddie spiraling about marriage because why not right

Marriage only ever made Eddie think about Shannon and all the ways he failed.

He wasn’t a good husband, wasn’t good at sharing himself and his life with her, wasn’t able to fulfill any sweet fantasies or live up to what he should have been.

And Eddie was so afraid of what marriage would mean for him and Buck, because the only outcome he could see was a repeat of past mistakes, not to mention he was afraid of what marrying Buck would mean for what he felt for Shannon, something he had to painstakingly work through first with Frank and then with Buck.

It wasn’t easy.

In fact, it was fucking awful most of the time and it affected his relationship with Buck, for the worst at first before things got better.

The thing is, he knows he loved Shannon and he knows he loves Buck, but trying to reconcile the two together, taking those parts of himself into his hands and studying them side by side left him unmoored, untethered, shaky and trembling, itchy and uncomfortable, and he didn’t understand why until he did.

For some reason, Eddie didn’t think he could love them both even though he was well aware that he did, that he does. Maybe it was because he didn’t think he deserved to. Maybe it was because he thought loving one would hurt the other. Maybe it was because he feared what it would do to his son if Eddie managed to chase away yet another person that was important to him.

It was probably a combination of all of that and more, his battered heart so bruised and overworked and scarred that he thought there couldn’t possibly be more of himself to give, that why would anyone, especially Buck, want more of that tortured muscle.

Cue a rather impressive spiral, a lot of sessions with Frank, a truly frustrating amount of crying, and a series of heated arguments with Buck that were mostly just them talking in circles, their pain and frustration passed back and forth like a hot piece of coal that neither wanted to touch or hold onto for too long because if they did then it would burn straight down to the marrow of themselves and bare all the ugliness underneath.

tagging: @elvensorceress @shortsighted-owl @paranoidbean @anxieteandbiscuits @jeeyuns @shitouttabuck @bucks118 @butchdiaz @diazblunt @bigfootsmom @honestlydarkprincess @housewifebuck @cowboy-buck @cowboy-buddie @lover-of-mine @eddiediaztho @forthewolves @transbuck @transboybuckley @bekkachaos @fiona-fififi @devirnis @wildlife4life @buck2eddie @folk-fae @fleurdebeton @bvckandeddie @diazass and anyone else who wants to share!

#truly have no idea what is happening anymore i am just letting the vibes carry me #i swear one day i will actually write a pwp #please please let me be able to write just a pwp one day #buddie #buddie wip #911 fic #eddie diaz #evan buck buckely #shannon diaz #paint sex fic #ryan writes #seven sentence sunday

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twistedappletree · 4 months

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I really want to write a short post-canon story about Jin Ling having nightmares from all of the trauma he’s endured, so Lan Sizhui uses his spiritual energy and their connection to guard his dreams one night and ends up guiding Jin Ling through his sleep.

Meanwhile, everything they see in Jin Ling’s dreamscape is lush and vibrant and fantastical without even a hint of anxiety or darkness, and while Jin Ling assumes the entire dream is shaped by Lan Sizhui’s influence, Lan Sizhui is only blocking out Jin Ling’s intrusive thoughts—the rest is all of the light and wonder Jin Ling’s imagination conjures on its own, a glimpse into what his dreams would be like every night if he hadn’t suffered all that he did.

#it would also give me an excuse to write something super description heavy which is literally my forte lmaoooo #I haven’t done that in so long bc most of my short stories require quick descriptions inbetween dialogue to flow as #well a short story #I already have SO MANY PRETTY THINGS IN MY HEAD #and even lsz is looking around in total awe of how rich and colorful and versatile Jin Ling’s dreams are #nothing bad happens they just explore a beautiful shifting dreamscape together and have a chance to truly relax from the waking world #anyway #fic ideas #👀👀👀👀#apple babble 🍎#zhuiling musings #not sure if I’d put a ton of romance in it maybe some light fluff like holding hands #bc I really wanna focus on the experience of the dreamscape more than anything #just have it be a cute fun little feel-good fic #bc I swear that’s what I need rn lmaoooo 😭#jin ling #lan sizhui

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kybee1497 · 11 months

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Wyclair “and they were roommates” au

Aka

A Hyde, a werewolf, and a poltergeist walk into a house

Aka

I just really vibe with enid and Tyler somehow ending up as college roommates. They both register for housing late and as juniors don’t want to live in the dorms so they get stuck in the last house available. Surprise it’s only available because it’s hella haunted and the last 3 students moved out in a hurry.

Wednesday doesn’t give a flying fuck if she technically died decades ago, she has a novel to finish and it doesn’t matter how compelling her new houseguests are, if that werewolf’s incessantly loud noise she deigns to call music interrupts her writing time one. more. time. she’s going to put it through the wall. If the boy who’s aura flickers from the palest blue to streaked through with a bloody crimson doesn’t keep his damned eyes to himself and his culinary experiments to a decent hour, Wednesday will have no choice but to go full Bloody Mary.

Anything for some peace and quiet and finally uncovering what happened to Viper De La Muerte

#yooooooooooo #oh my god I just had like an actual fic idea #anyways poltergeist!wednesday laser focused on finishing her last viper novel #what she doesn’t know is that she’s really trying to piece together her own murder #because Wednesday doesn’t know what happened to her #and an addams dying a truly grisly death and no safisfaction of knowing how it happened #talk about some major unfinished business #bruh #do I have it in me to write a long fic?#no idea #but damn do I want to try #wednesday #wyclair #weyclair #wednesday addams #enid sinclair #tyler galpin

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meteorcrab · 11 months

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Listening to the mgs peace walker tapes and then listening to the mgs V tapes has done irreparable damage to my brain

#so this happened WEEKS ago ok #and still it's #it's.#it is quite something #ok here's the thing #we know how Kaz and BB were like during pw #and then you have Paz saying stuff like 'Kaz and Big Boss came up with the idea' 'Kaz and Big Boss made this decision' and blablabla #it's all Kaz and BB doing stuff together and making plans and etcetcetc #and then you listen to the fucking mgs V tapes and it genuinely makes me crazy bc #Im pretty sure BB doesn't even say Kaz's name. At all. Not even once.#he doesn't ask how he's doing #he doesn't ask if he knows about the plan. what he thinks about it. nothing #and yeah maybe there wasn't time or whatever but to BB. that relationship that he had with Kaz? It's recent.#he's been in a coma for 9 years. to him running motherbase with Kaz is part of his most recent memories #and you don't get to hear him ask about Kaz #and then you get to Ocelot's reports and of course he calls him Miller instead of Kaz #and it feels SO distant and cold to talk about Kaz in this manner #and what truly makes me crazy is that BB never says 'Kaz' while you have ocelot and BB calling each other by their real names #and then. and then you have venom snake #who's constantly calling his name #Kaz?? Kaz! Kaz......#INSANE #m(ysterious) g(ay) s(ex)

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returnsandreturns · 9 months

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finished the good omens fic in two sittings. it's 4000 words and nobody needs to scrutinize the details. it's fine.

holy & true (a love story about an apocalypse averted by having a nice chat with jesus, featuring two angels, a demon, a coffee shop owner, a record shop owner, an antichrist, an antichrist's mother, three human children, a witchfinder, a witch and jesus christ [from the bible])

“The whole thing makes my head pound. A second coming just seems unnecessary,” Aziraphale says, both elbows on the table and body slumped a little. “The first one was perfectly good!” “It was a solid ending, book-wise,” Crowley says. “The resurrection and all. A real showstopper.” “Drama!” Aziraphale agrees, making an erratic hand gesture and almost knocking a candle over. “Suspense! It had everything.” “If I’m being honest,” Crowley says, “some of the stuff that came after felt kinda tacked on.” “Tacked on!” Aziraphale repeats, nodding. “Exactly. It’s terrible of me to say because it is the holy word of God but, if you ask me, the men who wrote it could have used a decent editor. She’s notoriously a being of few words.” “Could’ve taken out some of the begetting,” Crowley says, finishing his glass of whiskey and sliding down in his seat with a yawn. “He begat him who begat her who begat them–it’s a lot of begetting, angel.” Aziraphale doesn’t say anything and Crowley looks up to see that Aziraphale is watching him, cheeks flushed red and a wavering smile. “I missed you terribly,” he says, softly, reaching over to take Crowley’s hand.

#good omens #my fic #aziracrow #aziraphale x crowley #i genuinely have no idea whether this is good or not but it happened and that's what truly matters

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dreamaboutwhathappens · 3 months

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okay posting this now because i feel like the surprise song combo was so intentional and i hope we get to hear more about it on ttpd !! the getaway car/august/other side of the door mashup got my gears turning and now i can’t get them to stop.

the common thread between those three songs is the third party — i wanted leave him i needed a reason, you weren’t mine to lose, was she worth this? — and i know that basically ever since the breakup people have wondered if joe cheated, and this seemed like it could have confirmed it. while i definitely see the evidence for that, it hasn’t quite seemed like the right fit to me, and after this surprise song combo i finally figured out why. i don’t think that the third party she was singing about in melbourne was an actual person, but the idea of a person.

a huge theme on midnights is what led her to being who she is now. she is both the anti-hero and bejeweled, a mastermind and the unreliable narrator in dead reader… there are so many different versions of herself. clearly she was contemplating these different versions and the implications of being each of them.

a huge theme in gothic literature are characters that are not present in the setting, but the idea of them and what they would do is so strong that they end up influencing the story anyways. this happens in rebecca, the novel that inspired tolerate it, where the main character is haunted by living in the glorious shadow that rebecca cast, an impossible standard to live up to, despite the fact that rebecca died and actually, crucially, wasn’t as great as everyone made her out to be. but it doesn’t matter that she wasn’t that great or that she’s never actually there to be truly compared to because it’s the IDEA of rebecca that’s so powerful. it’s the GHOST that haunts the narrative.

and i wonder if that was part of what drove taylor and joe apart? not an actual ~other woman~ but the idea of who taylor could have been instead. all of the other versions of herself she contemplated on midnights. the third party she seemed to be singing about. even on other albums, before this, she’s contemplated what version of herself could be loved — “i’ve been the archer, i’ve been the prey, who could ever leave me darling but who could stay?” i wonder if there was an idea of taylor (a taylor that isn’t “too big to hang out”) that was so palpable, so real, that it ended up taking up the space of another person and haunting their narrative anyways? because, like the main character in rebecca, how could she live up to the idea of a perfect life?

basically: how can you say that you love someone you can’t tell has died? did you love the real me or the version of me in your head that perfectly fit into your world?

#it’s like in wuthering heights after catherine dies and heathcliff begs to be haunted by her #like. they could have been together when she was alive. but the ghost of her is far more powerful than the real woman ever was.#because it’s the IDEA of love and happiness and a perfect life. and that idea can’t be touched!#and a real human person can’t live up to that!! that’s what happens to the main character in rebecca and to heathcliff!#like yeah it would be great if we had no problems and had the exact same interests and wants and didnt have to compromise on anything #but a real human being will never be like that. and we know taylor swift is midnight rain #she does not want it comfortable. she wants to roll up her sleeves and attack the hard things #but how can you attack or dissect or truly understand the idealized version of you living in someone’s head?#when that version of you doesn’t want what you want or have the same fragile human feelings you do?#much to think about. both rebecca and wurhering heights were books i GREATLY enjoyed.#i could be reading into nothing here but dont worry. thats never stopped me before!#taylor swift #ttpd #eras tour #random thoughts with grace

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