#truly I am showing a lot of restraint by limiting how many of them I put in this post | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dangerouscommiesubversive · 3 years

Note

Hi! I’d like to request #17, with Philip and Chase (and bonus Shoutarou with another Drive character, if you like). I just have this need for Philip to interact with all my favorite characters, and your W crossovers are delightful. ^_^

17. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Really, Shoutaro thinks, it shows a lot of restraint from Philip that he managed to wait a full week after discovering that Roidmudes were back in the world before he insisted on meeting one. Not that he’s unrestrained, of course. In fact, he’s gotten a lot better over the years about not overwhelming people with his academic enthusiasm. But there’s academic enthusiasm, and then there’s his increasing interest in the various unusual friends their junior Riders have picked up. He’d been practically vibrating with excitement since he first heard that Dr. Sawagami had run successful preliminary trials in her project to bring back the Roidmudes.

Of course, Philip could ask to speak with one or more Roidmudes all he liked, it had taken some time to arrange it. They’d had to talk to Terui, and he’d called Drive, and Drive had spoken to the four now-living Roidmudes, and then it had still taken two more months after that before anything could be scheduled just due to the tremendous problems Drive’s friends were having getting the Roidmudes legal status.

Now, though, the day's come, and Philip is enthusiastically shaking the hand of a man so color-coordinated that he could put Terui to shame and saying, "It's a absolute pleasure to meet you, Mr. Chase, thank you for coming, I appreciate it. Would you like coffee? I don’t know if you eat.”

Chase stares at him for only a very brief moment before saying, “Thank you, I do not drink coffee.”

Next to Chase--towering over him, in fact over all of them--is a man in a red coat with a thoughtful look on his face, and Shoutaro has to think for a moment before he recalls the last few messages he’d gotten. “And you’re...Heart, right? I’m Hidari Shoutaro, and this is Philip.”

Philip blinks. “This isn’t Mach? I thought Shijima Gou would be accompanying Chase to Fuuto. Shoutaro, I’m sorry, did I forget to introduce you?”

“It’s all right, partner, you were pretty excited. No, you remember the email, Gou was tied up with something last-minute.”

“By which he means he forgot that Professor Harley was going to be in Japan and expecting to see him.” Heart smiles, although he’s watching Philip with something that might be suspicion. “So I volunteered to come along, I’m always interested in making new friends.”

Chase glances at him. “You are overprotective.”

Heart makes a hm noise that doesn’t sound entirely like disagreement.

“Heart, Heart...” Philip’s eyes light up. “Yes, you’re also a Roidmude! Terui had said you weren’t interested in being interviewed, I don’t suppose you’ve had a change of heart? Forgive me, that wasn’t intended to be a play on words.”

Heart wavers for a moment, and Shoutaro can’t quite figure out whether it’s due to shyness or actual discomfort, so it’s probably fortunate that Chase is the one who answers. “Heart is not comfortable with discussing the past.”

“Ah. Yes, I entirely understand. Would you like coffee?”

“Now who’s overprotective?” But Heart relaxes visibly. “Yes, coffee would be wonderful, thank you.”

"Terui Ryuu said you and the other Roidmudes were having difficulties with your legal status, do you mind if I ask what they were? I know there are existing procedures for establishing the legal identities of non-humans, it's been done for two Bugsters in Seito. Well, three. Two and a half? Dr. Kujou is a complication."

Philip, Chase finds, is refreshingly blunt. He doesn't talk around issues the way many humans do, he cuts directly to the point, and moreover he seems pleased when Chase does the same. "There was an attempt to declare the Roidmudes property of the Japanese government."

"Oh.” Philip blinks several times, rapidly. “That's offensive, I imagine you all objected strenuously."

"Yes." Chase takes a sip of his tea. "And then once it was conclusively determined that we were people, there was the question of criminal charges."

"Really? Against you?"

"Against all of us. Heart, primarily. Brain and Medic were considered accomplices."

"I imagine your being a Kamen Rider helped with your case?"

"To an extent. I am not considered a threat. As it stands, we are no longer capable of causing gravity surges or otherwise wielding serious destructive force, and are under intermittent observation. The current legal debate centers around whether a Roidmude can be considered to have experienced mental duress."

“Hm. Really? Compelling. I wouldn’t think that was a debate at all.”

Chase considers this carefully before replying. “Why would you say that?”

“If Roidmudes are people, which they certainly are, then they can of course experience mental duress, or indeed any form of psychological distress.” Philip stares into space, hands wrapped around his coffee cup. “Unfortunately I’ve found that one of the hallmarks of personhood is a capacity for acute suffering. A being self-aware enough to love must also be self-aware enough to fear losing that which they love, and that fear can naturally be leaned upon by the unethical to coerce.” More staring into space. “Or simply to terrorize. It’s even more unfortunate when one realizes that unethical people of that type will likely always exist.”

“I...had not considered this previously.” Chase frowns, slowly. He’s experiencing an unfamiliar emotion--not that there are many emotions truly familiar to him, but this one contains elements of both surprise and happiness, and he is not clear on how one might express it.

He likes Philip, he realizes. He would like to be friends with Philip. Perhaps this is how Heart feels all the time.

“If this is the case, then in your determination, do Roidmudes have souls? I am not clear on what a soul is meant to be, but it has been the subject of discussion.”

Philip actually laughs. “The nature of the soul is one of the few topics on which I’m not the man to ask, for that you might want to talk to Ghost. In fact, I’m sure he’d be happy to discuss it with you. But in my limited experience with the subject--yes, I would think that Roidmudes have souls.” He takes a long drink of coffee. “Please excuse me if this is an indelicate question, I’ve been trying not to ask these things so abruptly lately, but my research indicated that Roidmudes have a more robotic base form onto which your human guises are layered, may I see it?”

They’re at the Windscale boutique getting Heart a suit.

They’d been discussing the Agency, and Heart mentioned having been a detective very briefly and seemed interested in the work, and this had led very naturally to talking about the boss, and from there to what Shoutaro had learned from him. Including, crucially, manner of dress, a topic that Heart seems fascinated by.

“I’d thought you could just sort of...shapeshift your clothing,” Shoutaro says. “At least, Bugsters do that, and Philip had mentioned that you do something similar.”

“Well, I can.” Heart plucks at the furred cuff of his coat. “But Tomari Kiriko’s suggested that I might adjust better to living among humans if I try to pick up some of their habits, little ones, and I like clothing.” A smile flashes across his face. “Mostly I’ve been borrowing things from Tomari Shinnosuke. He’s indicated that he’d like me to stop, though, because apparently he’s tired of having to come find me if he’s missing something he wants.”

“That’s Drive and his wife, right? We’ve never actually properly met, it’s sort of an oversight on Philip’s and my part.” Shoutaro frowns. “Do you live with him?”

Another flash of smile. “For the moment, yes. I was...revived...several months before the other Roidmudes, and they offered to let me stay with them. Mostly I watch Eiji for them and help Kiriko with housework. I’m learning how to cook. Brain and Medic are staying with other friends of Tomari Shinnosuke’s until the authorities can stop arguing about us and let us find a place of our own.”

“Well...” Shoutaro squints up at him for a moment, trying not to resent the man for being taller than him. “What kind of clothing do you like? I’m not exactly an expert on men’s fashion, but I like to think I know a little bit about it.”

This time it’s not a flash, the smile stays as Heart says, “Well, I have to say, the suits that Tomari Shinnosuke and his colleagues wear aren’t very interesting, but I do like your outfit quite a lot, it’s very sharp.”

So now Heart is trying on hats, and the Windscale salesgirls are losing their minds over how handsome he is. Normally Shoutaro would be a little jealous, they’re so used to him at this point that nothing about him is interesting to them, but he can’t quite bring himself to be. Not when Heart looks so pleased to be doing such an ordinary thing. Anyway, he’s letting Shoutaro pick everything out, and it’s so rare for someone else to be this trusting of Shoutaro’s fashion sense.

He also looks very good in a three-piece suit. But then, Shoutaro thinks, straightening his waistcoat, doesn’t everyone?

“What do you think of this one, my friend?”

Shoutaro looks at the latest hat Heart’s picked out and says, after a moment’s thought, “I think you look like a real man.”

Heart pauses. “Is that a good thing in this context?”

“Yes. The best thing I can think of, really. I mean, not that it’s bad to be a woman, but--listen, what I mean is, you look good, it suits you. Do you, uh, do you like to read at all?”

“Yes, sometimes, why?”

“We’re going to a bookstore after this, there are a couple of authors I think you’d enjoy.”

“Thank you for allowing me to examine you,” Philip says, when Chase shifts back into the human form that he’s finding more and more preferable to Proto-Zero’s, “it’s been a tremendous help to me. It’s--the many varieties of personhood that exist within the modern world are terribly compelling, but so few people are willing to speak about it at any length. Which I understand, but it does make study difficult.”

Chase nods. “I understand.” Beat. “You say personhood, but not humanity?”

“They’re hardly synonymous. Like circles and ovals. Every human is a person, but not every person is human. I haven’t always fit the precise definition of human myself.” Philip’s hand stills in the middle of a furious bout of note-taking, his face taking on a faraway look that Chase is learning to recognize. “What was death like for you? If you don’t mind my asking. Personally, I find the memory very difficult to grasp. Like a dream. I know that it happened, but when I reach for it, it slips out of my fingers.”

“It was...” It takes some time to find the way to phrase the answer. “Silent. And then when it ceased to be silent, it was because I was alive again.”

Philip nods, and takes more notes, and says, “Thank you for sharing that, I appreciate it. It’s...most people I know have never died. It’s difficult to explain to them.” The notebook snaps shut suddenly, Philip’s pen slides into its spiral binding right before it’s set aside. “Now. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Chase blinks, slowly, several times, before replying. “How do you mean?”

“You. And your fellow Roidmudes. This is not an easy world to live in, especially when one’s personhood is treated as a subject for debate instead of a given. I would like--I hope that you’ll consider me a friend. I would like you to be my friend. And as a friend I would like to offer you and the other Roidmudes whatever help I can in establishing yourselves as people deserving of independent lives.” Philip grins at him. “At the very least I’m wonderful at winning debates.”

When Philip and Chase emerge from the garage, the first thing they see is Heart sitting in one of the front room chairs with an elderly gray cat asleep on his legs, and a much younger marmalade cat draped around his neck like an ungainly scarf. His red coat is nowhere in sight; he is, instead, wearing a black three-piece suit, a vividly red shirt, and a burgundy necktie with a heart-shaped pin in it. He's also engrossed in a book in English, although when they enter the room he glances up and says, cheerfully, "Hello."

"Good afternoon, Mr. Heart, I see Shoutaro's actually succeeded in his quest to get someone else to like Windscale as much as he does, you look very good. Are you enjoying Raymond Chandler? Shoutaro, is that Mrs. Mizuishi's kitten on our friend's shoulders? Where was he this time? Mrs. Mizuishi is a bit absent-minded," Philip says to Chase, "Chobi frequently wanders off when she's looking elsewhere."

"Yes, she called when we were on our way back from the bookstore." Shoutaro's sitting at the desk, in the middle of typing what looks like a list. "He'd only gotten up a tree, Heart helped me get him down. Mrs. Mizuishi’s coming to pick him up soon."

"And I see he has Mick's approval as well."

The gray cat opens one eye and gives Philip an unamused look, as if to say, “Yeah? What are you going to do about it?” only to begin purring when Heart absently reaches down to scratch his ears.

Chase sits down next to Heart while Philip goes over to speak to Shoutaro and is immediately investigated by the orange cat, who sniffs at his ear briefly and then gets up and hops from Heart’s shoulders to his. “What are you reading?”

“A collection of detective stories. Hidari Shoutaro gave it to me. He’s making me a list of movies that I might enjoy, I think I like detectives.” Heart leans slightly so that his arm brushes Chase’s. “It’s nice to have made a new friend. I hope the questioning wasn’t too intrusive?”

After a moment’s consideration, Chase says, “No. It was an enjoyable conversation.” He reaches up offer the orange cat his hand to smell. “I think it would be safe to say that Philip is a friend as well.”

Heart breaks into a smile. “That’s wonderful! I’m very glad to hear it.”

“However, I think we are expected to return to the city shortly.”

“Right, yes, I suppose we are.”

Over at the desk, Shoutaro pulls the paper out of his typewriter, blows on it to make sure that the ink is dry, and then folds it up and tucks it into an envelope. “Here, Heart, I’ve got that list for you. And my email address is at the bottom, please let me know which one you like best, you have no idea how long it’s taken me to find someone else who’d want to watch any of this stuff. I mean, Philip watches them with me, but other than that.”

Philip laughs quietly. “I do enjoy them, partner, I’m just not as passionate about them as you are.”

Heart carefully moves Mick onto the coffee table and stands up, reaching for a black hat with a red band that Chase hadn’t previously noticed hanging off the back of his chair. Chase, similarly, has to untangle himself from the orange cat, which objects strenuously to being moved and then promptly falls asleep in his chair as soon as he’s on his feet.

“I hope you’ll visit again,” Philip says as they’re shaking hands, “for non-research purposes, of course.”

Chase nods. “I would like that.”

Next to him, Heart tucks the envelope from Shoutaro into his suit jacket and says, “Maybe we can bring Brain along next time, I think they’d get along.”

They head out the door as a group, Shoutaro saying, “You’re going to email me, right, I need to know whether you like Spade or Marlowe better.”

“Of course, although I can tell you right now that just from the reading I’ve already done I like Marlowe quite a lot.”

One more round of handshakes as they all stand next to Chase’s motorcycle, and the last thing Philip says to Chase is, “Thank you again, so much. It was a pleasure to meet you. It’s wonderful to have new friends.”

Chase nods, says, “Likewise,” and resolves to visit again as soon as it’s feasible.

#philip #chase roidmude #hidari shoutaro #heart roidmude #fanfiction #toku-fangirl-2015

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just-horrible-things · 3 years

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Here’s a really old piece from before I had heard of whump! The perspective character is not mine, I wish I could remember a username to credit the owner.

---

Waiting for the High Hunt

I can hear him long before I enter the dungeon. He's in another manic phase. His voice reaches me first, filtering up through the stones. He screams long and hoarsely, more animal than person. Not for the first time, I think he would make a good hunter. He is full of primal rage and energy. Perhaps if he survives being prey I will make him an offer.

As I open the door to begin my descent, the sound is magnified a hundred fold, echoing off the damp stone walls. I hear the repeated clang of metal on stone now as well, irregular and harsh.

It is cold in the dungeon, colder than the wooden cabin above, but not so cold as the outside air, where the wind blows harshly. I have allowed him his leathers, but I know it is barely enough to keep the cold at bay.

The wolves are restless. Some come to me, whining as I enter their lair. The others stand a little apart from his cage, watching him, or pretending not to care.

I had hoped they would cow him, but he does not fear them, and they have come to learn not to approach too closely. He is astonishingly quick, and even with only his hands and a piece of broken stone he injured one that tried to bite him through the bars.

I have removed all the rubble from his cage, but I cannot stop the ice from forming, and sometimes it forms in sheets thick enough to be used as fragile, makeshift blades. I considered removing his gloves, but I don't want him to lose his fingers to frostbite. He must be strong for the hunt. Besides, I doubt the pain and cold would keep him from handling the ice.

I stand and watch for some time. He hasn't noticed me yet, or feigns not to have done. He throws himself at the bars over and over, slamming his shoulder into them. Sometimes he hurls himself so hard at the metal that he breaks bones, but not today. Today he is showing restraint. Perhaps not truly manic then, merely letting out frustration. It is good for him to exercise and maintain his strength.

When he finally sees me, he stops yelling and clings to the bars, panting. Another sign that he is not in the grip of madness. His pale, yellow eyes lock mine with a desperate urgency. He is defiant today, then. When he fears me, he drops his gaze.

I require his fear. I need him to run before me when I finally release him. When the Hunt comes, he must flee before the wolves. But I am not worried. I know how to make him fear. In the weeks we have been together, I have learned his terrors. When the time comes, he will run from me.

But knowing that, I needn't have his fear every day. Too much too soon, and he will become numbed to it. He numbs so quickly this one, so quickly shuts himself away and becomes dead to the world. I can't have that.

"When is the Hunt?" he asks. He asks the same thing every time. It has become a routine, and I indulge him in it. "When the moon is full." "How long? How many days?" "It's been two days since I last saw you," I tease him. He has no way of counting the time here in the dark. "Five more days," he responds instantly. He remembers, then, what I told him last. I am not lying to him. I want him to be as prepared as possible in body and in mind. He must be the best prey that he can be. "Are you looking forward to the Hunt?" I ask, mocking. His answer is fervent, and a little surprising. "Yes, yes, eight times yes." He sounds so sincere, I could believe that it is the truth.

But he is an inveterate liar, and very good at what he does. Most likely he is only looking forward to what he imagines will be his chance to strike at me.

He does not know how badly he will fear when the time comes.

Or perhaps he's merely saying what he thinks I want to hear. I've punished him before when he steps too far out of line.

There is a brief quiet. We watch each other, I among my wolves, and he clinging to the cold metal as if his legs barely have the strength to hold him.

The power differential is palpable in the air, but that has never seemed to disconcert him. As if reading my thoughts, he sinks slowly to his knees, a tacit acknowledgement of my power over him. He has never been ashamed to beg, not even when his hatred for me runs hottest.

"You want water?" He nods. I haven't fed him in two days. Water seeps down from above and freezes onto the walls. He can lick the ice, but it is never enough. He grows thirsty in my absence. The water I've brought this time is warm, heated over the fire then carried under my furs. Its heat will give him strength, if he drinks quickly.

I approach the bars at a slow, but confident pace. He hesitates, then falls back. Sometimes he attacks me at this point, but he is always swiftly punished. I am cautious, but I do not fear him. He is too thirsty to act against me today.

I set down the jug of water in front of the bars just within his reach, and lay a haunch of raw meat beside it. The wolves eye it with interest. Just like that his gaze leaves mine. It flicks to the meat, then from one wolf to the next. He snarls, and some of my pack snarl back.

I can see from the tension in his body that he is ready to pounce forwards, but nobody moves. They are waiting on my tacit permission. Even he acknowledges my authority today.

I step back, and three bodies snap into motion. A hungry wolf moves fast, but he is impossibly quick. Almost faster than the eye can follow he is at the bars, flat full length on the floor to extend his reach. The meat disappears back into the cage before either pair of wolf jaws can close on it.

One retreats, conceding defeat, but the other, angered, lunges forwards for him. Sprawled flat as he is, he shouldn't be able to react, yet he does. As the fanged muzzle pushes through the bars to reach him, he is spinning, and a booted foot collides squarely with the side of the wolf's face. It cries out in pain and withdraws, but he has landed another blow before it can retreat out of his limited reach. Wounded more in pride than anything else, it skulks to the back of the pack, tail low.

The jug of water has been knocked in the confusion, but the seal holds. He retrieves that before eating and drinks deeply, holding the meat protectively against his chest. At first he seems a little surprised by the warmth. He looks to me and mumbles gratitude before continuing to drink.

It remains a puzzle to me how he can simultaneously hate me and thank me, apparently in sincerity, for the smallest of things. I have never demanded thanks from him, but his manners remain impeccable, at least on days when he isn't mad.

When he looks up from the water, he speaks again. "What meat is this?" He asks these pointless questions, trying to prolong my visits. He is not afraid of the wolves, but he is afraid to be left alone, and he barely bothers to conceal it. "Deer again," I respond.

In the first week I tried to taunt him by pretending I was feeding him the meat of his own kind. He wasn't bothered by the idea, and nor was he fooled. I suspect he's been driven to eat the flesh of the dead before. He was so thin when I caught him, and yet I believe he has been thinner before. I feed him as well as I can, but it is not enough to put more flesh on his bones. I have too many other mouths to feed.

"Where did you catch it?" "Near the cemetery." The question recalls to me the thrill of the hunt. "We ran it down, just me and my priestess. A long hunt, to honour the Beastlord. The first time we ran it down we only spilled a little blood and allowed it to run on. The second time I tore out a hamstring to cripple it. We let it limp a little longer, desperately fleeing us, until we finally pulled it down and feasted on its hot guts. It was still screaming." I grin at him, but his pale eyes are unperturbed. "That's how we'll hunt you. A long, painful hunt, with a lot of blood and glory. You'll scream in the end." He nods. "Most people scream in the end."

"Still looking forward to the Hunt?" I ask. He still shows no fear, as such, but there is a certain wariness in his eyes. He hesitates, as if sensing my intent. "You shouldn't be. You should be afraid. You think you can escape me, but you are wrong. I will run you until you can run no longer, but the fun doesn't stop when I catch you. I will tear your tendons so you cannot flee, but I'll leave you just enough strength to struggle against me as I pin you to the floor." I step closer to the cage, right up against the bars. He's afraid now, he won't strike against me. "Once you're helpless, perhaps we'll start eating. Eyes are delicious, we could have those out, one at a time. Maybe your guts. A gut wound is a terrible way to die, but a slow one. You'd live long enough for us to have plenty of fun. You like begging for mercy, don't you, but once I had your tongue out, you'd be hard pressed to beg for anything."

He shrinks away from me as I speak, eyes low. No more defiant stares now. This is what I need. He must fear me. He must run before me. I bare my teeth and snarl at him, and he flinches sullenly away.

I laugh and stand to leave.

As I reach the stairs, I hear the dull crash of him hitting the bars, but only once. I look back. He's clinging desperately to the bars, staring at me with pleading in his eyes. As my gaze meets his, he drops his stare, and sinks again to his knees. He doesn't bother to beg me to stay with words anymore. It makes no difference to whether I stay or go. But he still does this pathetic routine every time.

He's normally quick to learn, so I wonder if I've been accidentally rewarding this behaviour. Perhaps it's not such a bad thing. His submission to my strength is good.

I smile at him as he kneels, silently begging me to stay, then I turn and climb the stairs.

As the door at the top grinds shut behind me, I hear him begin to scream again.

#my writing #my ocs #others' ocs #old writing #gore tw #animal cruelty tw #threats tw #cannibalism mention #mental health tw #self inflicted injury tw #compulsive behaviour tw #solitary confinement tw #hunger tw #deprivation tw #d&d whump

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earbuds-and-hightops · 3 years

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An Open Letter to Supernatural

[ Spoiler warning for 15x20, obviously ]

I understand that a well-contemplated complaint about this ending cannot be made without first reading the original, pre-COVID, script of 15x20, but in the long run, the initial plan is not what will be remembered.

What will be remembered is what this show created. What it became beyond two brothers driving around the country, hunting monsters. Characters were introduced and developed, and in that, Sam and Dean Winchester become so much more than two kids living on the road. In the past 15 years, the cast, and thus the family, grew to something that would be unimaginable to those who started this project back in 2005. Not only did the characters and their stories become meaningful, but the show itself grew into, well, a family. The fans who have kept this show alive since Day 1 have come together to form what I believe is the greatest community in pop culture.

What hurts the most is that this finale did not do any of that development justice.

The finale (and consequently the episodes leading up to it) reverts back to the story between only Sam and Dean. While some see this as an ode to who they are--their brotherhood and familial bond being the heart of their values and the root of their characters--I cannot help but see this as a rejection of their experiences this past decade and a half.

What’s worse, episode 15x18 confirmed one of the most pure and powerful and goddamn beautiful romances that television will ever see. This story of an angel who abandoned his family and the only beings he’s known for thousands of years, all for one person. I knew from the instant the screen faded to black on November 5 that the story of Castiel will always be remembered, even if his feelings were unrequited. Castiel will always be remembered.

And then there’s Destiel. I was genuinely impressed that this show would even grow to include a queer angel, more importantly, a queer character in a leading role. The queer-baiting and the “bury your gays” trope both make this confession and its lack of acknowledgement that much worse (and is worthy of an entirely separate open letter for another night). It matters less if Dean does or doesn’t reciprocate these feelings and more that it’s wrong that he completely ignores it. Cas’s love confession, this beautifully tragic and tragically beautiful emotion coming from a being who wasn’t supposed to feel emotions at all, is something that, unfortunately, will become a secret that dies with Dean Winchester.

It’s truly a shame that the writers of this show let that happen.

We haven’t even touched the fact that Castiel’s death was an act of sacrifice to save Dean. Dean’s limited reaction and lack of mourning* tears apart this phrase that has become pivotal to the entire show and fanbase: “Family don’t end in blood.” While it would be a lot to ask that Dean rescue Cas from the Empty and resume their cycle of rescue and resurrection, I think it’s only fair that Dean take the time to fully accept Castiel’s actions and words for what they mean instead of simply moving forward as if they never happened.

What’s more, Misha Collins is one of the greatest and kindest people in this world, and he’s poured his heart and soul into Supernatural, just like everybody else. He’s spent 12 years on this project, and the final two episodes hardly mentioned his character. He didn’t deserve this. It’s heartbreaking that his last credit on this show will be a prank call from someone trying to impersonate him, and not something that pays tribute to such an important character and important actor**

The most devastating part of this ending is what happened in 15x19. Pardon my French when I say that that episode, the ultimate climax of the season and latter half of the series, was a piece of dog shit. It’s incredibly frustrating to invest in 15 years worth of television and look forward to this ultimate battle between two average boys and God the Almighty Himself and to instead watch a 6-minute long fist fight on the beach with the only dialogue being variations of “seriously guys, stay down.”

My issues with 15x19 lie less in the storyline that was chosen and more in how they were presented. I am completely on board with Jack taking God’s power and eventually becoming the new God, but the episode was far too quick to have any real meaning, and, as stated before, Castiel’s sacrifice, which allows Sam, Dean, and Jack to do what they do in 15x19, is hardly mentioned.

Most fans agree that 15x19 was far too quickly paced. The plot with Michael and Lucifer was questionable to begin with, but should have been an episode on its own if it were to be perused at all. Michael’s story in particular could have been fleshed out to reiterate this theme of overly loyal sons and their fathers, as well as their relationships with less loyal siblings, but was instead reduced to about 20 minutes of screen time.

Though this is less important, Lucifer’s plan to make a new Death felt like a cheap cop-out just to close the storyline with Death’s book, but we can finish that discussion another day.

The general fan reaction to this atrocity of an episode was that this was meta, and according to Becky, the ending was supposed to be dog shit. This, along with the untouched storyline started when Cas died, gave fans so much hope that the finale would be this amazing piece of art that puts Supernatural in the history books.

While it’s obvious that an hour cannot perfectly tie up every single event and arc with a pretty little bow, it can at least...try. Any finale should, at minimum, pay tribute to what the show started as (which 15x20 did well) and what it became (which 15x20 failed to do miserably).

In addition, a reference to character back in season 1 is incredibly frustrating when recurring characters with actual, well, character go unnoticed. I mostly reference Eileen here, but this also applies to Jody and Donna. Nobody even mentions the other wonderful friends who have helped Sam and Dean along their journey to Heaven. If family doesn’t end in blood, then why doesn’t it extend to include Castiel, Jack, Mary, Rowena, Charlie, Kevin, Jody and her girls, Donna, and so many others?

Dean’s death was sad, I’ll give them that (and honestly, I was expecting it). However, considering that this man has defeated apocalypses, killed Death, and taken down God, his death via nail in the wall was incredibly anticlimactic, and something that could literally have happened at any point over the 15 seasons. While Dean’s death was obviously not my ideal ending, I think it could have worked if it were done properly, and in this case, it was not. That said, I do appreciate that Sam did not try to bring Dean back, as that would indicate literally no growth at all.

Dean’s funeral was...pathetic, to say the least. Sam being the only person there was depressing considering that Dean had lots of other close friends (and you’d think that Jack would pay his respects, but apparently not), however, this is likely a scene that was impacted by COVID and the availability of some of the cast, so I will not dwell on that scene.

Dean’s time in Heaven complicates matters even more. Firstly, Bobby confirms that Castiel is no longer in the Empty and has been in contact with Jack. I would have loved to see this reunion; Cas is essentially Jack’s father, and I would have loved to see how their upgrading/remodeling of Heaven brought them closer together. I understand that the writers were trying to focus this finale story on the brothers, this goes back to my earlier point that you cannot simply ignore everything that that this show has grown to include. Bobby’s explanation also begs the question of why Dean had no intention of seeing Cas (or Jack, for that matter) again now that he has the opportunity.

Secondly, Dean’s instinct to go directly for the Impala was very in-character, however, the editing implied that driving was all Dean did until Sam died. As we know, Sam dies of old age, likely (completely guessing here) upwards of 40-50 years from Dean’s death, and that is a very, very long time for Dean to simply driving around the mountains. It would have been nice to see Dean reunite with other family and friends who are also in Heaven, however, again, COVID restraints.

Sam’s ending was similar to what I and a lot of other fans imagined (not necessarily wanted, but predicted) it to be: kids and a wife, living a normal, monster-free, life. I hate to believe that he doesn’t end up with Eileen (to my recollection, his wife was a blur in the background, and it is unclear if she was meant to be Eileen) however that might just be my bias and appreciation of Shoshannah Stern. While I’m glad that this storyline gave Sam the room to grow and develop without his brother, it also completely ignores everything that he’s been through this past decade and a half, and that is something that should not happen. Sam grew and changed so much since he left Stanford and leaving that life, the life of a hunter, behind feels very counterintuitive.

Let’s not even discuss the wig that Jared wore. It reminded me of the Cain wig that Rob wore in the Hillywood parody.

What shocked me the most at the beginning of this episode was the lack of a “The Road So Far” compilation. I hoped for the full song with a recap of all 15 seasons, or, at minimum, the typical single-season recap. “Carry On My Wayward Son” is such an important part of the show and the culture of the fan base, that it seems almost sacrilegious that the season finale not begin with this song and a memorial to the events in the past season (or series).*** I’m very happy that it was included at all, but I was shocked when Neoni’s cover took over.

No disrespect to Neoni; those girls are incredibly talented and I love their music, however, a series finale of a 15 season long show does not feel like the place for a cover when they already have the rights to the original, and the original is so iconic.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge Jensen Ackles’s reaction to this conclusion. At a con panel about a year ago, he said that he needed to be talked into agreeing to this script by Erik Kripke himself, because the ending just wasn’t sitting right with him. So many fans took this to believe that he was homophobic and afraid that of Destiel becoming fully canon, and he got so much more hate than he deserved, because ultimately, he was right in his first opinion. This isn’t the way this story should have ended. Jensen explained that he had been “too close” to the story, and that it took a more holistic view from a step backwards (the audience’s perspective, as he puts it) to agree on this ending, but honestly, nobody knows Dean Winchester better than Jensen, and he knows what’s best and what would be the best way to finish this character’s arc. I think fans and Jensen alike agree that this wasn’t it.

I sympathize with all of the cast and crew members who disagree with how this show ended but are bounded by contract to support this show no matter what. Especially Misha and Jensen.

Over all, I believe that Supernatural will go down in history (in internet communities, at least) as one of the greatest shows ever. While I do agree that the writing quality in terms of both dialogue and plot declined as years passed, the community, the family, that this show created cannot be ignored because of a poorly written/planned ending. I think that the fandom will collectively let go of this disaster of an ending that we were given and will, just like Sam and Dean, write our own stories. I have full faith and confidence that Supernatural will not be represented by this finale episode, but by the beautiful stories, amazing characters, and the family that this show created and what the fans have chosen to do with it.

Sincerely,

A Fiercely Frustrated but Fiercely Loyal Fan

* I do not count that last clip of Dean crying on the floor as mourning. In my mind, that was a reaction, not an emotional healing and overcoming, if that makes sense. I argue that if Dean were to fully mourn and process everything (like Sam did in 15x20) we would have seen at least a bit of that on screen.

** This is where I would have loved to see some of the original scripts. I hope that the writers initial intentions were to have Misha more involved in these last two episodes than what was likely a voice memo created in 10 minutes tops at Misha’s house.

*** The strange montage at the end of 15x19 makes so much more sense. I still would have preferred that montage at the beginning of 15x20. This also shines light on the video that Misha posted. What would we do without him :)

#supernatural #spn #spn season 15 #spn finale #spn 15x20 #an open letter #no beta we die as men #destiel #deancas #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #jack kline #erik kripke #robert singer #andrew dabb #that god awful finale #i spent 4 hours drafting this

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alixanonymous · 4 years

Text

How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 5: An Exchange Of Information

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: November 5, 2021 5:30 P.M.

Subject: RE: The Plan

Dear Marinette,

(Am I assuming too much by addressing you by your first name if you’ve already addressed me by mine? If so, that would be a little hypocritical, wouldn’t you agree?)

Just as a general rule, I probably won’t get any references you make to any kind of children’s show (I had to look up Arthur after your first email). Like I mentioned before, I lived with my mother for the first part of my life and the idea of her ever even considering letting me watch cartoons is laughable. I did look up what you were talking about however and it seems like you were describing when shows try to portray a person’s conscience by putting an angel and a devil on either of their shoulders. In that case, I would agree with your assessment: between the two of us, I would definitely not be the angel in this case.

I’m grateful for that fact too as it seems that your kindness has only helped you to be so easily taken advantage of by those closest to you. You asked me for my thoughts on your situation so I trust that you won’t hold anything I say against me (again) on account that the whole point of this is that my opinion will obviously contrast with yours.

Here’s how I see it: Your friend (although I hope you will choose not to call him that any longer) is simply not in a position to offer you friendship and so in any case he cannot be angry at you for not accepting whatever he can give. What are you, a dog? What can he expect, that you will come when he can call but accept being ignored the other half of the time? Surely you have more self respect than that if your first email to me meant anything.

As for feeling guilty, he chose to put his needs above yours, if he blames you for doing the same, then he is a hypocrite. He made his choice and he will have to face the consequences for it; in no way is any of that your fault.

After reading your last email, I must admit that it’s relief to see that you at least have some idea of how this will work because saying that all this is new to me would be a gross understatement. As for the aforementioned incident that started this whole ordeal, let’s just say my family’s lecturing on the subject more than sufficed. If I come across any situations that I could use another opinion on, I will let you know. I confess that writing to you is far more preferable than being chided by any of my idiot brothers.

On the subject of idiot brothers, for the commission, the sweaters would be for Grayson and Drake and the jacket for Todd. I trust your judgement when it comes to the designs and will be ready to give my disapproval should anything on the sketches seem off-putting. I look forward to seeing what you come up with. As for the NDA, I’m afraid you’re right in that I cannot oblige. I trust you understand.

Sincerely,

Damian W.

Postscript: Considering what happened the first time I ended an email

to you with two initials, can you really blame me for not taking any chances, especially when you take into account my “snobbish” self, your word not mine, and the fact that my self-esteem is still suffering from your first email. I mean if you really want something to feel guilty about…

From:[email protected]

To:[email protected]

Date:November 6, 2021 1:30 A.M.

Subject: That’s Not How This Works

Dear Damian,

I’m afraid that simply saying you “trust my judgement when it comes to the designs” is not going to do it. If I tried to design anything based on the information you gave me, all I would have to go on is that you want two sweaters and a jacket. Do you have any idea how many types of sweaters and jackets there are?

On top of that, didn’t your father say these gifts have to be sentimental? If you really want the pieces to be meaningful I’m going to need a lot more information on your brothers. Tell me about them. What kind of relationships do you have with them? How would you describe each of their aesthetics? Imagine what you think would be their ideal sweater or jacket and then describe it to me, the more details, the better okay?

As for what you said about my uh maybe-maybe not a friend, I won’t deny your thoughts were somewhat valid if not a little harsh. I just need some time to think it over. I guess, beyond the guilt, I’m having a little trouble moving on. I mean besides the fact that he’s practically my only friend left in the class, he was also the first boy I ever really liked. Once upon a time, I thought I was in love with him even… It all seems so silly now. I’m just struggling with the fact that so many people in my life aren’t who I thought they were. Anyway, I don’t need your opinion on any of that last stuff, okay? I think the rest is up to me and like I said, I need some time to figure this out.

Thanks for listening, Damian. You do have a way of putting things into perspective. Now please, give me a better understanding of what I need to make your brothers so we can get this show on the road. Love,

Marinette (Which you can call me!)

P.S. I like how you lectured me on how being kind allows people to take advantage of me and then proceeded to try and guilt trip me into ignoring your past misdeeds. Fyi, Mr.Postscript née Blackmailer? It didn’t work!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: November 6, 2021 5:30 P.M.

Subject: What The Hell Is An Aesthetic?

Dear Marinette,

I understand that I’m not a fashion designer myself but I really can’t see how much answering your questions would help with the design. How will knowing about my relationships with them help you make their clothes? If I tell you I don’t like one in particular, are you going to make theirs out of a scratchy material or something? Are you sure that question wasn’t posed out of curiosity because you gave me more insight on your personal life but I didn’t offer anything on mine? I assure you it’s nothing personal, I simply like my privacy.

As I’m sure you can guess from the subject line, I had a little trouble researching what aesthetics are because nothing seems to make sense. It’s as if a lot of people collectively decided to use a word wrong. I don’t know what you want me to say.

In hindsight, I can admit I didn’t really give you much to go on but in all honesty I think my brothers will probably freak out simply over the fact that they’ll get to have MDC originals. If I were to guess what they’d like, I’d say Drake could really do with something comfortable, Todd’s wardrobe consists mainly of biker jackets and I truly couldn’t see him wearing anything else, and Grayson? He’s the easiest to please but if we’re going for sentimental value I think a Christmas sweater would do, the tackier the better.

Is that enough to work on? Sincerely,

Damian

Postscript: Have you yet to realize that while you let your “friends” walk all over you, you seem to not let me get away with anything? Is it also too much to assume from your email that you’ve since discovered you can do better than your good-for-nothing friend?

From:[email protected]

To:[email protected]

Date:November 7, 2021 12:01 A.M.

Subject: (Sigh)

Dear Damian,

No, that was not nearly enough to work on. All I have to go on at the moment is that Drake wants a comfy sweater, Todd’s fashion sense is limited to leather jackets, and Grayson wants a “tacky” Christmas sweater. I don’t even know where to start with that.

Now because it’s taking us so long just to sort out the basic details, I was going to suggest we exchange phone numbers to make things go a little faster but as it seems that you think I have nothing better to do than wonder about your personal life (I do by the way), I’m worried you’d accuse me of being a stalker. So, let me try to be a little more clear.

Sentimental value comes from using what you know about a person to give them something that would mean more to them personally than say a random stranger on the street. I can’t help you much with the design because I don’t have a relationship with your brothers. I don’t know them and I have no clue what they like or want. Still with me?

The reason I asked about relationships to them is because the more personal you make the gifts, the more thoughtful they’ll be considered and, here’s what your stake in this is, the more likely you are to not be sent away. I was looking for details like inside jokes, common interests between your siblings, maybe things you bonded over in the beginning. A lot of my inspiration and artistry comes from little small details expressed in the design through methods like stitching or embroidery.

I can now see that it might be hard for some people to know what might provoke inspiration. So I’ll start with some small specifics: What colors are their favorites? Hoods or no hoods? Zipper or buttons? Pockets? Like I mentioned before, it would be a really big help if we could set up a time and just hash this out through text messages. It’s important that we’re on the same page here. If you don’t like the first few rounds of designs, well then we’d really be cutting it close for time. I’d normally be doing this kind of a commission in person or at least over the phone or skype.

That being said, if it’s truly something you’re not comfortable with, we can totally find a way to make this work. Okay, Damian? Love,

Marinette

P.S. I’m beginning to see that there’s a difference between writing to you and dealing with my classmates. I don’t know if it’s because we’re not face to face or the fact that you’re still practically a stranger. Something about our emails makes me feel, I don’t know, self assured again, maybe your arrogant manner just trumps any restraint I’d otherwise have. And as for if I’ve learned I can do better (Now who’s more invested in the other’s social life?), you might be interested to know I’ve stopped replying to my no-longer-a-friend’s texts.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: November 7, 2021 6:30 A.M.

Subject: Let’s Get This Over With

Dear Marinette,

I see I may have overlooked a little when it comes to the designing process. I didn’t mean to insult you by saying your questions weren’t valid. In my defense, I may have been a bit frustrated after failing to learn what an aesthetic is (you still haven’t explained that by the way). I also think I’m beginning to understand what you mean about sentimental value and of course I want to maximize my chances of staying.

So, here’s my phone number: X-XXX-XXX-XXXX. I will make myself available today from 2:00-5:00 p.m. Gotham Standard Time which is 8:00-11:00 p.m. Paris time I believe. Does that work for you?

As for your smaller questions: Grayson’s favorite color is dark/ navy blue, Drake and Todd both like red and black. On the subject of hoods, possibly one for Drake’s sweater, perhaps the kind that has those ties that can be pulled to close it, and for Todd’s jacket, definitely. If a zipper or button is needed then zippers would be preferable. As for pockets, perhaps we could go over them later. I suppose it would depend on the design.

I trust this email was a little more helpful than the last few and look forward to your further contact, if the timing’s to your liking. Sincerely,

Damian

Postscript: I can’t say I entirely understand what you mean but our emails are definitely new territory for me as well. I couldn’t imagine talking to my classmates the way I write to you. While I am satisfied to see you made the right choice (with my suggestion mind you) about what to do about your no-longer-worth-a-thought peer, I find it quite misrepresentative for you to say I’m invested in your social life when this whole deal of ours was your idea in the first place.

Needed to go over this while writing chapter nine and figured while I had the document up I might as well repost it here. To any of my AO3 readers, guess what? Chapter nine is practically finished! I still have a few more details to work out but it should be up either today or tomorrow! I’m both nervous and excited to finally have it posted! Anyway, see you soon!

Master List

#MariBat #Daminette #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Damian Wayne #FanFic

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itsuki-minamy · 4 years

Text

FOUR SEASONS OF K: “THE FIRST DREAM OF THE NEW YEAR”

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

He had a dream like this.

The power of the Slate that was taken from Mihashira's tower was finally released, and the world he had wished for was realized. This is a new stage where everyone has power.

What kind of world Nagare had dreamed of, Sukuna came out with his beloved sickle on his shoulder.

The place where he came out through the escape from the dark secret base was quite noisy.

Everyone is suddenly confused by the power they have obtained. The power of a child is out of control and he is crying.

Sukuna thought that they couldn't do it because they were still babies in this powerful world created by Nagare. Just as newborn babies do not know how to move their bodies, those who have just gained power cannot understand how to handle that power. But that is also a moment. Finally, the baby gets up, speaks words, thinks, and moves. They will eventually learn how to handle their power and survive in this world. Those who cannot survive simply die. That is the new game that Nagare has built in this world.

As he walked, he found a narrow park. There was no play equipment, just a small space with a bench and a drinking fountain.

There was a boy standing there.

Looking at him, Sukuna opened his eyes slightly. He was once Sukuna's best friend.

"Sukuna."

He laughed with a mocking smile.

He was the first friend Sukuna accepted before meeting Nagare. But he and Sukuna parted ways. Back then, both he and Sukuna were dominated by something beyond them. He was dominated, killed his will, abandoned his potential, and lived.

Sukuna escaped from there and he couldn't escape. The path between them was cut off.

"Sukuna, did you do this?"

A green light overflowed from his body, flailing freely, without restraint.

"Incredible, Sukuna."

He was radiating a green light and laughing with a full face. Seeing the smile, Sukuna knew that she was no longer under the control of the others.

It is not surprising. The world created by Nagare is a world where all humans become "kings". They are all the same there.

It is a world where you can expand your potential with your own power, without being ruled by anyone.

Sukuna laughed with a wrinkled face and said.

"You are the only King you have, Hikotaro."

With an itch rising from the bottom of his belly, Sukuna kicked the ground with an impulse.

With one kick, he leaps to the ceiling and runs from ceiling to ceiling, almost flying in the sky.

The breeze on his cheeks makes him feel good. His heart was released, and Sukuna laughed and flew like a free beast.

In a pleasant sweat, Sukuna spread his arms as he climbed onto the roof of the tallest building he could see.

There was a sign of someone standing next to him. It was a style in which black clothes fluttered in the wind.

To Sukuna, who has seen him hiding in the dimly lit basement and was only strapped in a restraint suit in a wheelchair, Nagare's appearance of standing firmly under the blue sky was reflected recently.

"Nagare. I'm glad we made your dream come true together.''

Sukuna narrowed his eyes as he blew his hair and coat in the wind. His body was still full of strength and he was dying to release it.

"The other is the 'King'."

"Affirmative."

"He is a 'King' just like Nagare.''

"Yes."

Nagare was laughing. Sukuna also laughed. He thought it would be fun if he could compete with the current situation, so Sukuna flipped his sickle over and turned around.

Nagare. Do it with me.''

"Good. It's a match."

From Nagare's body, the green stream is emitted coldly. Sukuna also entered the game, by strengthening the output of the sickle that glows in green, he got into an exciting game.

++++++++++

He had a dream like this.

After seeing his wishes fulfilled, Mishakuji set out on a solo journey.

The days when he shared his style dreams were fun. The stream of dreams that no one else can see is beautiful, and the time spent with their "King" and running around as a member of "Jungle" was really enjoyable.

However, now that his ambition has been realized, he doesn’t want to stay with them because of his passion.

The new world created by Nagare is a world where each person is proud of their own brilliance. It was Yukari's way to survive beautifully in this world of Nagare where all the radiance collides.

It was a beautiful moonlit night.

Yukari was walking along the mountain path, while the golden full moon, which was fading into a faint soft glow, shone in the light.

When he thought it was a memorable road, he found the silhouette of a memorable person at the end of the road.

A person in a haori and hakama and a soft hat. Stand in good posture with his sword on the ground like a cane. Yukari was defeated and squinted at the image of an unforgettable person in the moonlight.

"Ichigen-sama."

Yukari called him to talk about what was important.

The person in front of Yukari, Ichigen Miwa, was illuminated by the moonlight and looked white and bright.

"God has come a long way."

His voice was deep and resonated wonderfully in the night air.

"Yes, I have reached this point when I have been looking for something beautiful. You can be angry when you work for a harmonious world. Ichigen-sama, can you stand in front of me?"

He laughs a little like a breath.

"Did you want me to stand up?"

Ichigen goes to the core so that it can be inserted smoothly. Yukari narrowed his eyes gently.

"Yes. The view I'm looking for can go back to this starting point."

"No, I am just a symbol. I think I am here now as a symbol of the shining moment of your soul that you seek for the future."

He can hear the sound of insects. It is a suitable sound to add color to this beautiful night.

"The beauty of the naked body of life that I can only see when I prepare myself and wield power. Ichigen-sama, I saw the extreme of that moment when I exchanged swords when I left you. I still vividly remember the blood that I felt on the tip of my sword. and the feel of the tip of your sword against my throat.''

Ichigen Miwa looks at Yukari with a kind expression. Yukari smiled back at him as well and drew the sword from his back. A famous sword passed down by Miwa.

"At that time, Ichigen-sama's body was already sick. It might have been brilliant because the life time limit had been set. I also thought that I wanted to get involved. Me too, I'm better than I was back then."

A person who is the seventh king, who is also called the weakest "King", but who possesses an incomparable sword arm and who has a gentle and kind personality who does not like to fight, but who is also terribly scary.

In a word, the sword was drawn while maintaining the soft atmosphere.

It's like being a careless child, holding a sword that looks like a baby, before a careless Miwa.

"It is a sword that crosses the dream of the beginning."

++++++++++

He had a dream like this.

Kotosaka became a human being.

Sukuna is tall enough to look down easily, and is more compact and cooler than Yukari.

He correctly uses a spoon to eat curry made by Iwafune, and he use chopsticks to eat fried chicken.

"Kotosaka has become a human. He is a modified clan bird. I am truly impressed."

Nagare said, and patted Kotosaka on his head to praise him.

Kotosaka was proud to work as a stylish "guide". He can freely fly anywhere and show everything through his own eyes in an immovable way.

However, Nagare who fulfilled his dream was free because he was no longer tied to anything. Instead of looking through Kotosaka's eyes, he can go see whatever he want to see with Kotosaka.

Kotosaka invited Nagare to see the outside world.

"Kotosaka, will you take me?"

Kotosaka was very nervous.

Kotosaka became a person, but was originally a good bird. There is no such thing as flying.

A ceiling door opened and light shone through a dimly lit secret base. The blue sky was visible, and Kotosaka took the current hand and flew into the blue sky.

Kotosaka and Nagare were flying in the air, holding their two hands together. Reaching out and gliding on the updraft.

Feeling the warm sunlight on their back and the cool breeze on their face and belly, they fly in a wide sky. Downstairs, there was a little energetic human activity.

"Kotosaka was always looking at this kind of scenery."

Nagare told Kotosaka.

Nagare was always looking at the scene reflected in Kotosaka's eyes. However, Kotosaka wanted to teach him that the scenery seen while feeling the wind and the temperature and the cut of the air is the best.

As he looked at the ground from the sky, he spoke about everything that Kotosaka had seen and known.

Nagare listened to everything Kotosaka spoke with great interest.

"Kotosaka knows a lot."

Kotosaka is proud of his compliments as if he knows everything about the world.

“After all, a bird that can fly anywhere is good. I will also try to become a bird sometime.''

Nagare said. It seemed like a very good idea.

When he thought that Nagare's body glowed green, Nagare turned into a large bird in the next moment. Powerfully flap its wings and fly in front of Kotosaka. Kotosaka was happy.

He thought it would be nice to be a human, but he thought it would be very good to fly with Nagare, so when Kotosaka returned to his parrot form, he flaunted his wings alongside Nagare.

++++++++++

He had a dream like this.

Nagare was at sea at night.

It is a place where Nagare once lost everything and became brand new.

At the bottom of the sea in southern Kanto, many lives that were lost a dozen years ago sleep.

Nagare's dream came true. Everyone has power, and even in the event of a tragedy, each can resist with their own power.

Still, what was lost never returns.

Nagare is not sorry. No matter what the miserable past is, the past is what makes it the present.

He does not cry, but he is not without emotion. Nagare was looking out to sea, thinking about the lives of his family, friends and many who died here.

If he turns around, he can see the light shining through the darkness of the night. The humans who have gained power are the lights that are exercising their power.

It can be said that those lights were created because a life was lost in this wolf-dark sea.

Nagare continues to gaze out to sea.

The landscape, which was dark and black, and the boundary between sky and sea was unknown, gradually began to turn white before Nagare looked at it. Light is emitted and the horizon shines, indicating the limit between the sky and the sea. The sky slowly turns blue.

Finally, the sun poked its head out, burning the horizon red. The sea that sank black reflected the sunlight, creating a path of light on the surface of the sea.

He thought it was a scene that symbolized the beginning of the new stage and wondered if this was the first sunrise of the year.

After thinking, Nagare realized that this was a dream.

++++++++++

He had a dream like this.

Iwafune was standing in the kitchen at the secret “Jungle” base as usual, and was making ozoni.

Boiled minced radish, flower-shaped carrots, small shiitake mushrooms, bite-sized whole chicken thighs in bonito soup, and a dash of light soy sauce and sake. He put the baked rice cake in a bowl, poured in the boiled ingredients and the soup broth, and garnished with the spinach and red and white kamaboko that had been boiled separately. Finally, he put a citron and a leaf.

"Well, it's done."

He served the entire ozoni bowl to a customer who sat in front of the Chabudai.

The guest was a mysterious-eyed boy with pale golden hair down his back. Younger than Sukuna, a boy with an innocent face, but praises the atmosphere that seems to be much older than Iwafune.

A strange boy. However, it was a boy who felt like he knew him for some reason.

He silently looked at the bowl placed in front of him, raised his eyes, and looked at Iwafune's face.

"Only you don't understand."

The boy said in a transparent voice that does not reflect his emotions.

Iwafune tilts his neck as he opens the beer handle.

"I do not understand?"

"Isn't there a scene where you pray that you want to be like this?"

Iwafune mused with a glass of beer.

A scene to pray. There used to be such a thing. Iwafune was trying to create an ideal home in his world, a place where everyone could be saved.

"Cathedral". A clan that was headed with a "King" when Iwafune Tenkei was Otori Seigo. The way to pray when he was still dreaming.

He may wonder if he should pray for a scene that was not missed. Once upon a time, all the people who followed Seigo in "Cathedral" died. There were countless nights of regret and hope for a world free from that tragedy.

However, Otori Seigo who was praying is no longer there.

Here is Iwafune Tenkei. Iwafune doesn't pray. Look. The path that a "King" has protected and raised.

Iwafune smiled and took another sip of beer.

"In return, it's okay if I can see them."

The boy's mysterious eyes stare straight at Iwafune. It was a bit awkward looking into his eyes, which made him see through it all, Iwabune's hips ached.

"Well, yes."

Iwafune pointed to the butt of the beer can on the ozoni bowl in front of the boy.

"They ate the ozoni I made and laughed deliciously, that's enough."

The child's eyes rest on the bowl. He wondered if he was interested or not, just the big, round, wide eyes that stare over low heat and gently lift the bowl.

The boy's small lips are glued to the edge of the bowl.

The slightly tilted bowl was placed on a table and the boy said...

"Your prayers will come true."

He didn't really understand, but he wishes he could see what the boy said.

++++++++++

"I had a strange dream."

Yukari said, as he sat around the kotatsu.

"I had a good first dream. The Slate plan was launched in full power, and the dream plan went the way I wanted it!"

Sukuna is happy. Oh, and Yukari raised his eyebrows.

"It's strange. I dreamed that same part. It was a dream after Nagare-chan's wish was fulfilled."

"Eh? So what were you doing Yukari?"

"Secret."

"Wow!"

When he heard the conversation between Mishakuji and Sukuna, Nagare opened his eyes.

"I had a similar dream."

"Really?"

"Yes. However, I woke up early because I realized it was a dream in my dream."

"Isn't it like we all have a similar first dream, or is it good for the start of the New Year?"

Kotosaka squawked to match the playful Sukuna. Screaming loudly, flying through the secret room at the base. The wings fluttered with a high tension wingbeat.

"Hey, Kotosaka-chan. Did you have a dream too?"

"Dream! Dream!"

"Well, whatever dream Kotosaka had, it seems good."

"Kuwatsu!"

While trying to fight Kotosaka, who rests on his head and raises his claws, Sukuna looks at Iwafune.

"Iwa-san? Did you see anything in your first dream?"

Iwafune was standing in the kitchen preparing ozoni.

"Hmm? It was a dream about making ozoni."

"What is that?"

"So, I woke up and actually became a varied person, so I wonder if it's a true dream."

"That is not the case if you are dreaming a dream. If you dream it, it is our dream!"

"What? Isn't it tasty, Sukuna?"

"It is!"

Iwafune laughed lightly at Sukuna, who had sharp lips.

Immediately next to the room in the secret base is the Slate stolen from the Mihashira Tower on Christmas Eve. The Slate is unsealed, and although it is not yet fully operational, it was strengthening its power day by day.

Yukari looks at the Slate and squints his eyes.

“Well, freeing the Slate is a matter of time. If that dream goes well, will it turn into a real dream?''

"So is!"

"Yes."

"Kuwa!"

"In the first place, I could have had such a dream because I slept very close to the Slate."

While listening to the animated voice behind him, Iwafune watches the heat of the pot and the baking of the rice cake.

"It's done."

He gave the entire ozoni bowl to his friends in the kotatsu.

With a happy voice they say together, "Itadakimasu."

"After all, I like Iwa-san's miso soup."

Yes, it is delicious. "

"Delicious!"

While listening to the voices of everyone who was happy with the ozoni, Iwafune somehow chided the Yukari words in his head.

(Maybe I had a dream like that because I slept very close to the Slate.)

The inside of his chest was soft, Iwafune looked at the Slate with his chopsticks raised.

The Slate casts a dim light into the dark underground space. Looking at the light, Iwafune somehow remembered the pale blond boy who appeared in his dream.

"…No way."

Shake his head slightly to get rid of strange dreams, Iwafune puts his mouth on ozoni.

While chewing the mochi he said, "It's delicious." and laughs.

#k #k project #K stories #k fan clan #iwafune tenkei #mishakuji yukari #gojou sukuna #hisui nagare #kotosaka #jungle #Dresden Slate

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introspectral · 3 years

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What does Vision think of death? ( meta topic )

{out of directives} Original!Vision said in Age of Ultron, "I am on the side of life." In Civil War, he said, "For the collective good..." Those were two very big ideals that he believed in, and I would also argue that he believed in the protection and preservation of things like innocence and virtue as well. He believed in the inherent goodness of mankind and of life in general. He believed in altruism and honor. All that... has changed for White Vision.

White Vision, aside from feeling like a clean slate mentally but then having so many memories of a life he feels wasn't truly his, also feels forced into roles he never wanted... such as being a weapon and being something of a servant/slave. Even if he doesn't feel like Original!Vision's life really applies to himself in his current mental incarnation, he still has memories of making his will, and of what that entailed as far as his wishes to never become a weapon. Knowing that his wishes were then completely disregarded - and apparently not defended by anyone he used to call a friend - is a stinging betrayal for him, and a source of intense rage, bitterness, and distrust for human beings.

You asked about death, you're probably saying, so what does this have to do with any of that? I'm trying to set up the difference in mindset between Original!Vision and White Vision, and how drastically he has changed. Before, Original!Vision fought to protect mankind and the universe. He was altruistic, selfless, and ultimately martyred himself for the sake of others. That did stem from some amount of naivety, but also innocent, compassion, and genuine kindness. White Vision... has lost his innocence, is not so naive, and now understands the cruelty of man. That affects his view of life and how much he values it, and therefore affects his view of death as well.

White Vision has been made to feel unappreciated, like his thoughts and emotions and personal wishes don't matter, and that he is not worth protecting. Because of this, his view of humans is no longer one of innocent joy and wonder at how complex and amazing they are, but now is more like... I see you for what you really are. Or what you really can be. His eyes have been opened to just how selfish, petty, and cruel human beings can be, and he in many ways feels somewhat superior to that. There is an arrogance and a rage that has now been seeded in his heart where there had previously been humility and grace. His view of humans now is more like... How dare you? I don't trust you, I don't value you, and I don't need you.

White Vision is not the mindless drone he began his second life as. Westview!Vision did give him his memories back, and for now I am writing him as also having his emotional capacity back, so that combined with his faith in logic and reason puts his ideals now at somewhere around... I am on the side of truth and justice. What is right and practical, not what is heroic or honorable. What is true, not what spares feelings or deceives. That's what he believes in now. You could say that makes him more selfish, in a way, because he is now looking out for himself, he's putting himself first, since he realizes that those he called friends were never really doing that for him in the first place. If he doesn't look out for himself, no one else will, he feels. He's distrustful and wary of those who try to get close to him.

Now... that does come with some potential exceptions, because it isn't as though he doesn't value or even potentially need Wanda, or maybe some other select people from Original!Vision's past that he may feel connected to through his newly access memories. However, at this point he would have to revisit and reevaluate all past relationships to see where he stands with them now, and to vet people as he is now, without relying on past emotions and memories that he feels may have been clouded by naivety. He's much more protective of himself and less willing to reach out to others, to give people the benefit of the doubt, or to out himself on the line for others... since they didn't show him the same courtesy, devotion, or loyalty.

SO... what all of this boils down into is that White Vision doesn't have this sort of broad, mystical, ideal, reverent respect for life anymore. I'm not saying he's going to go around killing innocent people, but he no longer believes in this almost faithful sense that life is sacred. Life is something we all have, and we all use it in different ways. Many of us... use it for selfish and self-serving endeavors, he feels. There are some lives that should be snuffed out for one reason or another, there are some that are being wasted and squandered, and there are some lives that are beautiful and virtuous, but by no means does he believe anymore that all life is precious and sacred. It just is... and what we choose to do with it is what can make is precious and sacred, not just by virtue of the fact that someone is alive.

Because of this, he is more less likely to see diplomatic solutions once he feels that the conversation isn't worth having. White Vision more often than Original!Vision will resort to violence and he is not averse to use lethal force if he deems it necessary or right to do so. Original!Vision would go to great lengths to avoid physical conflict, violence, and the death of human life, but White Vision would resort to violence much quicker and would not feel guilty about killing if he really thought it needed to be done. By no means am I going so far as to say he disregards life entirely or that he enjoys killing or even seeks it out, because that's not true, but he doesn't have a lot of the patience or restraint that Original!Vision had.

With regard to his own death, White Vision again is very angry and bitter about what became of him. He also laments the loss of his organic matter, which limits his body and his abilities as far as what he's able to do. He can no longer employ a convincing human-like disguise, give himself the texture and softness of flesh, and he cannot change his eye color or mask the appearance of the power source in his forehead. He feels he was robbed of parts of himself and that makes death both an infuriating and a terrifying thing for him. He fears death now, not because he fears ceasing to exist, but because he fears what might become of him if he were to die again. Would he be enslaved again? Made a weapon again? Would something worse happen? That unknown makes him very afraid of dying again. I think he would go to great lengths to protect himself against others who wished him harm.

He certainly would not sacrifice himself for anyone else the way Original!Vision did, at least not at this time. He has the capacity for that level of deep emotional attachment, but right now he is guarded and trying to figure things out, and that means he doesn't trust anyone. He definitely isn't about to sacrifice himself for the greater good, that's for sure. The greater good isn't his good, he feels. It's... the good, but only if you're human. The good, but only if people decide you matter. Well his good is now looking out for himself. I think there's a real chance he could love Wanda again, likely to the same degree he did originally, but he as a person is different and he is greatly (and confusingly) affected by and connected to memories he feels simultaneously detached from. Sometimes he feels intense love for Wanda, but he's so hesitant because he feels he isn't the same Vision she loved. So should he love her? Can he? Is he already? Or is he only feeling the way he is about her because of the influence of these memories he has? He has yet to figure all that out for himself. Until he does, he is putting himself and his own self-discovery with regard to his identity first.

I feel like I answered the question in there somewhere? In amongst all my ramblings? XD

#{ out of directives } ᵒᵒᶜ #meta #headcanons

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hillbillied · 4 years

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i found your post about andy and eddie's kinks from a couple of years ago and i was just wondering do you have any updated thoughts?

firstly, thank you anon!! I love writing these two!!

secondly fuck, I left this ask in the ‘box for a while because, double fuck, I couldn’t think of any kinks I hadn’t included in the OG post!! I am very sorry for the delay!

(I had to read through them to check, still crispy if I do say so... let’s see what else we can get in there. god I could go on a whole bunch more about the ones from the OG post lmao my fave losers in love having great sex!)

The Secret Kinks of Andrew Haldane and his Lieutenant, Edward Jones (pt.II)

(highly nsfw, 18+ only)

I’m gonna rag on Andy’s exhibitionism kink a little louder than before because it’s so embarrassing. going to the cinema is a chore because Andy doesn’t have the patience for long movies and he really can’t get behind anything that’s not a really fucking hilarious comedy or a truly gripping drama. anything even a little lacklustre (most of what’s on in the 50s) has his gaze wondering elsewhere

the amount of times Eddie has been enjoying his movie experience (he loves movies, btw, he didn’t get to go to many as a kid – think Gunny-level attention in the scene where the marines are watching For Whom the Bell Tolls) and suddenly a hand is brushing his knee. he can’t help but roll his eyes because Andy, good lord, can’t you enjoy the plot for five-fucking-minutes?

luckily for Andy, he’s got a semi-indulgent boyfriend or at least a condoning one; either Eddie will lift his longs legs and put them over Andy’s lap, teasing him with the weight whilst simultaneously giving him some cover to enjoy himself (in no relation to the movie) – or, if he’s feeling generous and equally turned on, he’ll give his stupid fucking would-be husband a hand so he can go back to his popcorn. Eddie’s got skilled fingers and only makes eye contact with his flustered, heavy-breathing boyfriend in scathing glances to show his “disapproval”

car sex is as normal to the two of them as breathing. it started fairly uncreative and vanilla, just screwing in the one long seat of Hillbilly’s pickup. it’s a little on the tight side but Eddie’s more flexible than many would believe. Andy loves having two hands just under his knees, pushing his thighs up against his chest so he can fuck him nice and deep. it has Eddie’s toes curling and his teeth gritted and colourful curses dripping out the cracked window (no AC means a real sweaty cab)

that, or Hillbilly will be riding Andy passenger side. he likes smoking in his car and he likes riding Ack Ack’s cock, so this is a win-win scenario. the leverage from the seat means he can light up while rolling his hips, humming around the cigarette. it’s an erotic sight for sure; Andy has to cover his eyes with his hand while laughing out a breathless “shit, Eddie…”

romantic evenings include soft kisses and mutual handjobs in the truck bed, after giving up on star gazing. less romantic evenings include parking somewhere discreet (or… not, because Andy’s exhibitionism is a nightmare and the 60s were pretty wild) to get them both out on the road. there’s sweaty handprints on the hood where Andy has Eddie bent over it, pinned between his chest and hot metal. it’s some of the hardest, roughest sex they have, and Andy usually uses Eddie’s t-shirt for leverage, something to twist into an psudo-harness to pull him back against his dick. Hillbilly likes to growl out threats – “you stain m’ car, Andy, I’ll fuckin’ kill you” – but it’s all a ruse to cover how there’s sweat dripping from his curls and how his pants for air are turning into moans and how he’s the one staining the tire where he’s cum, hard enough to have him flat out over the hood and gasping

this is all while the car is parked, of course. Andy loves giving Eddie head while he’s driving. it’s lucky Hillbilly’s had to drive bigger, scarier machines than a Ford, honestly. his disapproval (fake, every time) is portrayed where he grabs Andy’s hair and forces his cock down his throat. “Cop car” he’ll say, “gotta stay down”. he’s a lying sack of shit but it’s worth the sin to glance down at Andy when he lets him pull back, spittle running from his tongue and his coughing turning to a gasp then a moan in quick succession. it’s really difficult for Eddie not to grin super wide and push Andy’s head back down for more

(side note: Andy’s a service top so he gives great head, none of this fake dom shit. they each say the other gives it better because they are both weak for one another and stupidly in love)

gags become a thing after a while. Andy is an expert at introducing/asking about bedroom ideas without being condescending and he knows he has to decipher Eddie’s interest without it sounding like he wants him to shut the fuck up. (he does not, he loves everything that comes out of Hillbilly’s mouth, from stone-cold threat to lazy joke to breathless groan)

but a thing they do become. (it starts with Andy shoving a couple of fingers in Eddie’s mouth to “keep quiet”, an old familiar trick from the war, and it snowballs from there) so the next time Andy’s bent over Eddie, facing him and maybe got his hands pinned above his head, and Eddie decides to let off a quip, Ack Ack stops. slows his motions and pretends to think, then reaches for his master plan. the first time, it’s just fabric, shoved into Hillbilly’s mouth. his pink cheeks (from semi-annoyance or embarrassment, not sure) and deep frown and almost-offended stare are fucking priceless

(Andy buys a proper gag, one Eddie can bite down on. one he can grab the back of and pull Hillbilly’s head back with so he can kiss his neck, tell him how fucking hot his moans are when they’re all he can make)

collars slip in there somewhere. they’re not sure where that came from but there’s a suspicion it may have come from the wholesome conversation about adopting a dog (which they both want to do they’re just terrified of going to pick one and falling in love with more and then what are they gonna do?? have fifty dogs?? but I digress)

Andy’s not one to be embarrassed of his sex purchases but he was definitely scratching his neck when he bought it. luckily, his boyfriend can read him like a goddamn book. the man likes being in control, sure, dominating the room in his own masterful way, definitely – that doesn’t change the look of complete adoration that takes Andy’s features when Eddie buckles the collar around his neck

it fits well with Andy’s orgasm denial kink. he doesn’t do it to Eddie much (he’s got enough kinky shit he can do to him) but Hillbilly definitely does it to him. it’s a treat to test Andy’s self-restraint and not with any bondage. Eddie’s a very patient man, used to unfulfilling sex prior to Ack Ack, so he’s got all the time in the world. he loves making Andy wait, teasing him with a grip around the base of his cock. he gets a cock ring for him later, when his tight grip isn’t cutting it anymore

there’s nothing better than watching Andy’s thighs tremble, sat on his own hands on a chair, desperately keeping his cool while Hillbilly carefully lowers himself onto his cock (Eddie uses that collar to get him to look him in the eye)

they usually can’t be bothered with food play (“Food is f’ eatin’, Andrew, not wastin’.”) but there’s occasional things. Andy has a tendency to take Eddie’s fingers in his mouth and lick them clean, whether from an accidental or purposely spillage. he doesn’t really care what’s on them so long as it’s edible and he can watch Hillbilly’s lip curl watching him

Eddie’s definitely done a “spillage” of his own once or twice. except his are obvious, just how he likes them; he’ll straight up pour a splash of beer on his dick and invite Andy to come lap it up. his house, his rules and all. Andy always obliges

Eddie gives a great spit ‘n shine to boots, Andy’s found. he loves demanding Eddie get on his knees and do the daily duties he learned as a marine, making sure his captain’s uniform is in order. (slightly funny if Ack Ack’s not wearing anything but his boots while saying it, but he can live with that) having Hillbilly look up at him – “Like this, Skipper?” - as he runs his tongue across the leather is more than worth it

Eddie likes tearing open clothes, though he feels really, really bad about it. it’s obvious it turns him on because Andy loses a lot of shirt buttons over the years. (they sew them back on together, which is nice, gotta know how to mend and make do. Eddie actually knows a lot about cross stitch and Andy adores learning from him)

one time Andy’s waving his ass Eddie’s way, has been for a whole morning whilst they were gardening, potting flowers, weeding the lawn, working, Andy, we’re busy – so it’s just been a build up of hard-ons and no time to deal with them. and they’re wearing old clothes for the task, threadbare jeans. (that used to be Eddies, even the ones on Andy’s ass) so when Hillbilly finally presses up against Andy, bites his ear, and grabs his pants with both hands - he just pulls. they tear open and Andy feels Eddie shudder against him (shortly before he feels Hillbilly’s cock pushing inside him but that’s just a massive bonus)

Andy’s an indulgent boyfriend so he buys underwear and pants on the cheap and waves them Eddie’s way. the “rippables” as he calls them. made to be ripped, end of. no hard feelings, good riddance to them

I said they were too lazy for bondage because they can just pin each other and I stand by it; it remains a special thing. one of the ‘hardcore’ things, like the belt and gun play. mainly because, while they can actually pin each other down quite effectively with limited wiggle room, there’s still the ability to y’know, headbutt each other. because they’re also both trained in how to flip a guy that grabs you. fatally, if need be

so tying Eddie up (Andy’s always been down to be tied up, blindfolded, etc. by Eddie because he trusts literally one man in the whole world and it’s Edward Jones) is a big thing. because Eddie has had to fuck people up who tried to fight him and his brute strength is what’s gotten him through (finding something capable of realistically holding him is also a struggle in sexual hilarity because fuck, it’s gotta be thick rope or actual police handcuffs)

when Andy asks him about it (and presents the short length of rope he went for because he couldn’t find handcuffs yet) Eddie immediately says yes. because he trusts Andy completely. but he also says not tonight and not every night and not any time he can see it coming. if he works himself up about it, he’ll embarrass himself

when it does happen (Andy’s can read him right back, he knows when), Eddie ends up with his hands tied behind his back. he jokes about Ack Ack’s poor navy knotwork and gets a laugh back. then Andy slow bends him over the bed. that’s all Eddie thought he’d do, which isn’t a bother, long legs are still able to roll away. until Andy kneels down below him, caressing his thigh lovingly, and nudges his legs open. Eddie ends up standing bent over on the mattress with each ankle tied to a leg of their heavy bed frame

it’s a lot but Andy takes his time, kisses his way up from Eddie’s calf all the way to the back of his neck, keeping a hand pressed to his inner thigh. the tremble there is aroused and overwhelmed all in one. the first time, Ack Ack just enjoys giving his boyfriend a nice, slow handjob, supporting himself over Hillbilly so he can feel his weight. it’s amazing to have Eddie coming apart under him, whispering for more until he gets a shaking orgasm, biting the sheets to try and cover how loud he whimpers (it’s too much for Andy, too, and he cums just from rubbing between Eddie’s thighs)

Andy’s trademark aftercare is as excellent as ever and they sit together with some tea on the bed, listen to the radio, Eddie leaning against his chest with two loving arms around him. he asks if next time Ack Ack will fuck him and naturally, Andy just says “if you want me to” while kissing his temple. Hillbilly wipes his face and asks “please”

#andyeddie #the pacific #very not saif 4 wurk but i cant tag it that because tumblr algorithy

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amarscollyon · 4 years

Text

@bunnydelphine Hi Belle. I've written a lot for you. I care about you & I aim to change the entire world. I hope you have the time to read it, or listen to the audio recording as it should make you happy & hopeful, & I need a little support to achieve the goal. Link to hear my voice here:

or carry on reading...

So like, erm, hi....I joined Twitter recently, a vague plan in mind. I conceived a dozen tweets to begin explaining, & then I got carried away. I posted in reverse order so you can read down from here...It is around 15 minutes long

#BelleDelphine

The whole load of them is basically for you Belle, & I hope it can make you smile, & feel good. There is good & bad in the world, & good & bad attention you will receive. This is intended, honed, & perfected, to make you happy, show you your worth to me & the future, & keep you safe as we move forward, & it's just the start...

The extra good part is - I ask nothing from you but the time to read it, & be happy, as your smile is worth more than the universe to me...I'd love nothing more than to know just once I was the cause of it creeping across your face, making you feel warm, & maybe even...blushing..

You're nothing but an absolute treasure, a joy without limit, & the most exquisite heart ache I could ever have wished for or imagined.

So, hello world. It is clear to me that there is too much pain on this planet & for it's denizens. It is just as clear that many innocent folk need change but no one really knows how. No one can begin. But I am a spiritual master & linked to spirits that have shown me a great deal is possible, & I can help guide us all towards a much happier, safer future.

Thing is, I am slightly premature here. Ok so, as stated, I am here to save the future. Obviously, I can't do it alone. It's really all about connections, as you would expect from someone who is working on behalf of the beyond. Life itself is about love, & it isn't about our ego, our personal goals, or desires. I do what I do for all of us. So it follows I can't just do it without some of you helping out in whatever way is possible.

I need money, laughably, in order to kill the finance system. Not as much as you'd guess, but I need a start...We cannot continue to use this invented resource as it is. In a purely mechanical sense it guarantees selfishness & greed end up controlling too much, whilst empathy, kindness & love, end up able to alter too little.

I intend to begin crowdfunding soon to raise startup capital, so a bit of publicity & presence is a big way you can help me easily.

I need advice & knowledge. Building a new way of self sufficient life will take an enormous amount of information & administration. In order to escape the system that dominates us & teaches us to abuse our own nature, we need to be free of restraint & able to produce all we need. Even making a list of all those things is no easy task, but it is quite possible to cover it all, with help.

I need connections.

Sooner or later I will post the plan with more details. But life & the path I walk through it, has it's detours I cannot always predict. I have learned to accept they always happen however, & always for a reason. When you achieve a certain level of connection to the beyond, & behave in natural ways, when your intent is to further the plan for all folk, then events in your life begin to happen just as you need them, synchronous moments that go way beyond coincidence & become miracles. One day I shall publish my journals from the last 7 years, as it shows my progress towards enlightenment, & explains how it is achieved. But this is one of many tasks & for now I have to begin travelling to find who & what I need, to found this community.

Riding the waves of intuition takes something too,

actually,

I need your love.

My own huge heart does me well for me, no doubting it, yet it will only benefit with more care.

It has to be real though, & of course everyone thinks they already know what love is,

but almost no one does.

So I may need help teaching everyone what it is.

I can show you, but you have to want to understand & have the courage to rise to it....Love is pretty scary...It isn't ever just about self, & it is the most amazing & transformative force there is.

I need to travel the world to meet people I need to meet, gain the knowledge & resources I need to found a community with a new way of living, turn desert into forest & work with nature to bring us all to greater joy. I will have to find some way to fund this travel too, & with my limitations & illness, the only way I can do it, is to make adult material. This means I need at least one willing partner, so if you aren't interested yourself, well, I am sure you have friends or followers who would be more than happy to help. With just one camgirl or entertainer, I can get the attention of the others. Don't get me wrong, I came to you Belle, because you don't just look nice, but you also move my heart & I was directed to discover you in ways I know from past experience are spirits showing me someone who is good, & also needs my help. But I am ready to accept it may not be what you want, yet I know if there is a good person there which is why I am drawn to you, then you will help in some way, directly or indirectly...

It will be a huge undertaking & will gather immense attention, so it can't hurt anyone's career, & I promise, I am good at what I do. As a shaman & spiritual teacher, sex is quite sacred to me, so you can be sure I can make it beneficial to my partner(s) & exciting & appealing to the audience. Done right, with enough courage to connect fully, it will bring whoever I am with a previously unknown level of calm, contentment, happiness & even mystical revelation. Of course, I will have plenty of people say I only do it for myself, but they're wrong, I was never one to seek casual interactions, it will be something new for me, but I do it because it is necessary & right.

Indeed, sex work is an essential part of modern life. It provides a valuable service to society, & receives too much criticism. The truth is that sex is divine & can be used to generate massive amounts of magical energy, & I honestly think the best thing for us all is to appreciate this. These are beautiful, amazing, special people. So many use their services. Yet they receive so much derision & scorn, & despite a reasonable wage, a lot of negative energy too, which can be harmful. So I want them to help me or work with me & prove to all just how special they can truly be, & thus I can help protect them.

So hey, that's the basics, good enough for now. I'll check in from time to time for dm's & responses here, & I'll be back one day to really kick this fucker off. I have to start getting a following by following others.

But so far I am following one account, which makes me look.... conspicuous? ....erm...yeah, I'm not saying anything about that for now...

The pinnacle of beauty itself can awaken us to the deepest & noblest of all loves.

It is actually quite common to be willing to die for someone you love, especially for men, (in extreme contrast to their also killing more of course.)

But something else entirely to be prepared to live, face all fears, conquer all obstacles & do what must be done.

Love alone can do this. Love alone can mean the person I was - is already dead & gone, & so now I can live to the fullest to provide the very best example of love I can.

Love,

true love,

is a loss of self.

A death in a way.

It is also a common wish to acquire a home for someone you love.

Again, knowing love deeper than most, it is quite another to recognize it is your sacred duty, to fix the entire messed up planet for those you love

& call it all,

home.

Safe, comforting, warm, & full of love.

If your love is true, then those you love deserve nothing less.

We all need it.

I find it so much easier to fight for it, for something I find such beauty in, because I recognize my heart & soul must be as pure & vibrant as I can make them, to be worthy of a beauty I find so truly

mind blowing

It is a duty,

a chore,

a sacrifice & more,

to try to be worthy of what you find to be the highest point of love, inspired by something so beautiful, it takes your breath away

& kills you...

& to recognize that this true love means accepting that,

unconditionally,

I ask for nothing back that isn't in anyone to give.

Maybe one day it will be right to ask,

"have you seen my heart & soul? They're unparalleled, because the love I felt looking at you is unparalleled, the beauty you possess has no equal, & so inspires me, demands of me to make my heart & soul as equally beautiful & unparalleled."

I cannot change my age,

or whether you like my physical properties much.

If you cannot love my heart & soul, then perhaps I cannot love you forever, as much as I desired... & I will suffer as I watch you suffer, for rejecting that purity which asks for nothing.

I am adored by the good in the beyond, so being unable to appreciate the good in my intangible properties would be nothing short of a curse.

If you simply cannot love my body, my more tangible properties, yet can love my heart,

well, that's ok, I would be happy my thoughts & deeds meant I could still wake up everyday

& see

your beautiful face,

& I'd be able to say, "I did this for you, & I have all I need. To bask in your presence, the warmth your images bring to me, is the most sublime peace & bliss I have ever known."

It is a chaotic whirlwind in my mind, I wont deny it,

yet always so controlled, & I know a mental peace I never thought I would, as a scared, anxious child.

Indeed nothing in life is wrong

unless it is uncontrolled.

Thanks to you, my love, I can use the will & love I have to wipe out that which plagues humanity, & bring healing to so many.

The highest point to reach is truest purest love. For there is the inspiration to become gods, work wonders, & be the best thing you can be.

So. Not so conspicuous now. Let's make this super clear...

Mary-Belle Kirschner,

I love you with everything I have.

I want to make the world utterly safe for you,

so you can be free to be whoever you wish to be

& love every possible moment living in it.

I have never in my life found anyone to be so alluring, inspiring, amazing, or motivating & you occupy my thoughts constantly. I do not ask you to do anything except be aware of this care, & accept I do this because you are so wonderful to me, & reach out now, like this, so you know you're worth the world.

I just want you to know how by being who & what you are, you are so special to me, that I can become what is needed to keep you that way. This is all I need to keep me fueled to face the immense challenge it will be. I am here to save the future from the selfish inconsiderate apathy of most, & the deliberate control of an evil few, & I can do so because you are one of the few things I can say makes life truly worth living.

Just seeing your smile shatters my heart into a billion pieces, & nothing matters more to me than making sure you are aware of how valuable I find you, so you can stay happy.

My reward is that from now on I get to see every part of you & your journey that you choose to share with me.

My reward is knowing you will not only be there for me to visually enjoy (& melt into bliss each time,

oh how I wish I had words to help you feel how wonderful you make me feel just looking at you,)

My reward is knowing I've done the right thing,

but also knowing that you know, that simply by being, you made my world shine so brightly, that I achieved something wonderful,

maybe just like every hero you ever dreamed of

saving the future

& the princess?

& I can ask for nothing more than to be allowed to share whatever you desire to allow me to share.

To know you are free to be yourself, I can know unending utter rapture in admiring it

& I wont forget the understanding it brings that

I exist,

to love,

I exist,

to reduce pain & create greater joy,

& I brought it to you as best as any man ever could

with devotion unmatched

& asked for nothing but recognition & thanks.

I can not be a better role model for other people.

I cannot be a better lover & healer to the world.

I cannot be more than ultimate love!

& if you cannot love in return, well it would hurt you,

so I'd find some way to make sure. Being the true will I am, means the true anyone else WOULD love me, so it would just come down to repairing any damage the world has already done to you.

Undoing anything that has taken you away from your true nature.

But I'd never ask for that love to give me anything it doesn't want to.

Love means your will is yours, not mine to coerce or demand or dominate...

Could it be the love story you were waiting for?

Could it be you wish to save the future with me?

Could it make the world weep & push things in place for everyone better than trying to scurry & hide like illegal aliens?

Whatever you answer, it can only gain momentum to aid my goal, & bring you to happiness. The love I have for you, however you receive it, can be used to make the world weep, & in so doing, wash away much sadness, & let happiness spring fresh once more in the sunshine.

Come. If you will, in spirit, take my hand.

For I am Apollo made flesh, since I merged with him in prayer in 2018.

My tarot told me you are my Pythia, I mean my first reading about you showed me that card & I then realized - that's why you picked that name, isn't it? You have that bust & Delphi is rather similar to Delphine...So, you are my oracle then? We should certainly meet if that's the case!

I already went to the Labyrinth as a child. I also swam in the pool near Pamukkale, not far from a temple to Apollo. Those are just a few of many more salient points. There is no doubt here, I know who I am & what I experienced.

Belle, I am a guide, a teacher, a healer, a lover, & I can be with anyone & help them in many ways. I am able to love all people, literally, all, but there are some I am drawn to with such intensity. My own desire is strong for you, without doubt, but I do not pursue anything for merely my own gain. You are truly so special to me, I am reiterating I ask only that you find your true heart & be who you wish to be, but I am sure that you are a wonderful person & would want to help make the world better for us all. I'm sure you can find a bit of time to interact with me here, & this alone would aid me immensely.

The kind of love I have, I sacrificed much to be able to give, & it is here to help us all, it cannot harm you

nor ask for more than you are prepared to give.

I'd do anything you asked,

as long as it wasn't evil,

but I'll never ask anything from you besides considering my advice,

as it's rooted in placing your needs before my own,

in agapic sacrifice of self,

to bring you anything you could ask for to know joy in life

However - you should always ultimately make your own choices, & not bend to others desire unless it is also your own.

You said you were lost....well, I have found you!

You asked to be adopted...I wont ever let you go unless you want me to...consider yourself adopted...

I'm also a really decent cook, & you need to eat better!!

Mary-Belle, you are truly amazing, wonderful, & beyond compare. Loving you these last few weeks since I discovered your existence, has been the most awesome & humbling series of miracles & unimaginable happiness for me.

I want you to know that & to feel it too.

It is beautiful, how you make me feel. Nothing compares. Nothing comes close. I wish you could let me help you feel it too.

Notice me senpai? I bloody noticed you! I hope you notice me back.

I said at the start, I'd need help saving the future, help teaching everyone what love is

Belle, even if you don't want to be with me, I hope you can interact with me & appreciate this devotion. For the world can benefit, as can you, whether you come to me, or on me, or not...

It would certainly help shut up those moronic critics inspired to spiteful jealousy by your magnificent gorgeousness. Folk who go through life criticizing others, do so because they have so little to offer anyone, & it is all they can do. I want to help you show them just how much you can do & make their lack so apparent they finally grow up. It all aids the future, the development of every person we can.

Regardless, I hope it makes you feel good, to mean so much to someone, who is one of the best people there is.

I'm sure that could sound arrogant, but you will find out if you simply give me time...

I wish you a really lovely day

my love & blessings,

always

muah...

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skystonedclouds · 5 years

Note

So, I usually find comfort in God but I have this recurring problem where when I think about Hell and the fact that God sends people there to be tortured eternally I start to get this nagging doubt in the back of my mind about whether or not He is truly good and I'm worried this means I'm not really saved and I'm a false convert. Do you have any advice for overcoming this? I just can't wrap my head around the idea that sending ppl to hell could ever be just rather than cruel. Is this just me?

Dear anon,

A) Cruel or just.

“I just can't wrap my head around the idea that sending ppl to hell could ever be just rather than cruel. Is this just me?”

A lot of people feel this way usually it’s the unconverted who do not see the magnitude of the evil sin. A person is usually saved (not always) when they notice they are a totally depraved sinner that cannot stop sinning without divine intervention. The name “Jesus” was attributed to Christ because He promised to save His people from their sins not just from hell. In this life the freedom from sin comes gradually through sanctification. In an instant of the twinkling of an eye the saved will be made with new bodies that cannot sin. Not being able to see the reason for hell simply comes down to not being able to see the magnitude of evil in sin.

1. Who do we sin against?

Is it worse to curse a bug or a human? Is it worse to hate bugs or people? Is it worse to kill a bug or a human. In one way the reason sin is so bad is because God’s worth is far above our worth. The angels are before Him saying “Holy, Holy, Holy” every day with their eyes covered unable to even look upon Him. We are made in the image of God while God is Himself the one we are created to look like. How about this... Is it worse to burn a picture of someone or to burn that person? Maybe if we had a better grasp of the infinite worth and honor due of God we would see the magnitude of our evil. The extend of evil can be measured by the worth of the victim (be it picture, plant, bug, human or God).

Psalm 51:4 I have sinned against you—only against you— and done what you consider evil. So you are right in judging me; you are justified in condemning me.

1 Samuel 2:25 If anyone sins against someone else, God can defend the one who is wrong; but who can defend someone who sins against the Lord?” But they would not listen to their father, for the Lord had decided to kill them.

The devil likes to blind us to the worth and beauty of God. This has been his ploy since he cannot kill God. Instead it’s easier to destroy people’s perception of Him.

2. Is the punishment disproportionate?

It is normal for us to think it too severe if we have a man-centered worldview. Hell tears this humanistic down to see we are not the most important. Many have fancies the idea of aliens and the idea that we are insignificant and meaningless atomic arrangement. That drops to the opposite extreme of the supremacist of man. We are not worthless nor we are not most important. We view sin from the horizontal plane instead of both the horizontal and the vertical. In the bible Joseph did not ask “how can do do this sin against this man by sleeping with his wife?” instead he asked “how can I do this sin before God”. David was not sad he killed a man but that he sinned before God. I previously explained the way we sin against God.

Hell wakes us up to the fact it’s not all about us. We have made God into some man-centered image. So many people want to see God as a genie to see what God can do for them. They think God to be their servant who must come at their beckoning to answer prayers, make them rich, make them successful or so on. Some people literally say “pray for me I don’t think I have gotten all the blessings I can”. The mindset of so many people is how God can serve them. This is how people come up with the prosperity gospel where they think God just wants them successful, famous, rich, wealthy and healthy. The doctrine of hell it comes to the conscious to remind us that we cannot manipulate or minimize this Holy God. We can look to God for provisions but it must be done to His glory not our own.

3. What is the extend of evil?

The problem of sin goes much deeper than one might initially assume. Right now God is by His common grace restraining some of the evil in every one of us. In hell the restraints come off and people are their maximal possible evil without a conscious to keep them in check. God gave us our conscious to put a limit on human evil but once judgment day comes and we are at no risk of harming anyone all the evil will be demonstrated. In hell everything suppressed by our conscious will be unleashed and we will demonstrate the full extent of evil in our hearts. So much is the evil in the hearts of men that most people would never shown their face again if their thought life was projected from everyone to see. The sheer fact that we sin and have to battle not to think or do worse evil gives us just a taste of the evil within our hearts (and that is still restrained). The conscious is a gift from God to minimize evil on earth. This sin in the heart will only grow and last forever in hell.

2 Thessalonians 2:7 The Mysterious Wickedness is already at work, but what is going to happen will not happen until the one who holds it back is taken out of the way.

Proverbs 20:27 The Lord gave us mind and conscience; we cannot hide from ourselves.

Titus 3:11 You know that such people are corrupt, and their sins prove that they are wrong.

4. The cross.

We cannot even begin to comprehend “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”. On the cross Christ bore the wrath of God the Father against sin. Christ wasn’t sweating drops of blood and feeling like He may die because of the roman cross. He was overwhelmed by the wrath of His own Father crushing Him. He still suffered it all on our behalf to offer salvation for anyone who will allow Him to take their place.

B) Is God good?

“I start to get this nagging doubt in the back of my mind about whether or not He is truly good”.

What do you mean when you say good? Jonathan Edwards wrote on hell:

I shall use only one argument, viz. that sin is heinous enough to deserve such a punishment, and such a punishment is no more than proportionable to the evil or demerit of sin. If the evil of sin be infinite, as the punishment is, then it is manifest that the punishment is no more than proportionable to the sin punished, and is no more than sin deserves. And if the obligation to love, honor, and obey God be infinite, then sin which is the violation of this obligation, is a violation of infinite obligation, and so is an infinite evil. If God be infinitely worthy of love, honor, and obedience, then our obligation to love, and honor, and obey him is infinitely great. Our obligation to love, honor, and obey God being infinitely great, sin is the violation of infinite obligation, and so is an infinite evil. Once more, sin being an infinite evil, deserves an infinite punishment. An infinite punishment is no more than it deserves. Therefore such punishment is just, which was the thing to be proved. There is no evading the force of this reasoning, but by denying that God, the sovereign of the universe, is infinitely glorious.

I am to show that it is not inconsistent with the mercy of God, to inflict an eternal punishment on wicked men. It is an unreasonable and unscriptural notion of the mercy of God, that he is merciful in such a sense that he cannot bear that penal justice should be executed. This is to conceive of the mercy of God as a passion to which his nature is so subject that God is liable to be moved, and affected, and overcome by seeing a creature in misery, so that he cannot bear to see justice executed: which is a most unworthy and absurd notion of the mercy of God, and would, if true, argue great weakness. - It would be a great defect, and not a perfection, in the sovereign and supreme Judge of the world, to be merciful in such a sense that he could not bear to have penal justice executed. The Scriptures everywhere represent the mercy of God as free, and not that the exercises of it are necessary, as if that God cannot bear justice should take place. The Scriptures abundantly speak of it as the glory of the divine attribute of mercy, that it is free in its exercises, and not that God cannot but deliver sinners from misery.

It is most absurd also as it is contrary to plain fact. For if there be any meaning in the objection, this is supposed in it, that all misery of the creature, whether just or unjust, is in itself contrary to the nature of God. For if his mercy be of such a nature that a very great degree of misery, though just, is contrary to his nature... And then a less degree of misery is contrary to his nature, and a still less degree of misery is contrary to his nature. And so the mercy of God being infinite, all misery must be contrary to his nature, which we see to be contrary to fact. Mercy would be contrary to the nature of God if justice was contrary to the nature of God.

However strong such kind of objections against the eternal misery of the wicked, may seem to the carnal, senseless hearts of men, as though it were against God's justice and mercy, yet their seeming strength arises from a want of sense of the infinite evil, odiousness, and provocation there is in sin. Hence it seems to us not suitable that any poor creature should be the subject of such misery, because we have no sense of anything abominable and provoking in any creature answerable to it. If we had, then this infinite calamity would not seem unsuitable. For one thing would but appear answerable and proportionable to another, and so the mind would rest in it as fit and suitable, and no more than what is proper to be ordered by the just, holy, and good Governor of the world.

That this is so, we may be convinced by this consideration, viz. that when we hear or read of some horrid instances of cruelty, it may be to some poor innocent child or some holy martyr - and their cruel persecutors, having no regard to their shrieks and cries, only sported themselves with their misery - we have a sense of the evil of them, and they make a deep impression on our minds. Hence it seems just, every way fit and suitable, that God should inflict a very terrible punishment on persons who have perpetrated such wickedness. It seems no way disagreeable to any perfection of the Judge of the world. We can think of it without being at all shocked. The reason is that we have a sense of the evil of their conduct, and a sense of the proportion there is between the evil or demerit and the punishment.

Just so, if we saw a proportion between the evil of sin and eternal punishment, i.e. if we saw something in wicked men that should appear just as eternal misery appears dreadful (something that should as much stir up indignation and detestation, as eternal misery does terror), all objections against this doctrine would vanish at once. Though now it seem incredible, [and] though when we hear of such a degree and duration of torments as are held forth in this doctrine and think what eternity is, it is ready to seem impossible that such torments should be inflicted on poor feeble creatures by a Creator of infinite mercy. Yet this arises principally from these two causes: 1. It is so contrary to the depraved inclinations of mankind, that they hate to believe it and cannot bear it should be true. 2. They see not the suitableness of eternal punishment to the evil of sin. They see not that it is no more than proportionable to the demerit of sin.

It is reasonable that they should be sensible of their own guilt, and should remember their former opportunities and obligations, and should see their own folly and God's justice. - If the punishment threatened be eternal annihilation, they will never know that it is inflicted. They will never know that God is just in their punishment. And how is this agreeable to the Scriptures, in which God threatens, that he will repay the wicked to his face, Deu. 7:10. And to that in Job 21:19, 20.

By the end... If you mean good as in “He is unable execute justice if people suffer and must save everyone” then he does not fit your definition. God is however “unable to” look upon sin (by His nature).

Habakkuk 1:13 Thou art of purer eyes than to behold evil, and canst not look on iniquity: wherefore lookest thou upon them that deal treacherously, and holdest thy tongue when the wicked devoureth the man that is more righteous than he?

Meanwhile... if you mean God cannot sin, He cannot lie, He cannot break a promise, He is Holy, He is just, He delights to show mercy and He does love, He is wishing for reconciliation... Yes God is good.

C) False convert or not.

“I'm worried this means I'm not really saved and I'm a false convert”. Well let’s just start with a simple fact. Whether or not you are saved or not does not matter if you turn to God now in faith. God says “also now” and that today is the day of salvation (if you are not saved).

Joel 2:12-13 Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all you heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.

James 4:9-10 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

Ezekiel 33:11 Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

2 Corinthians 6:2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)

Deuteronomy 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.

Now I cannot tell you if you are a false convert or not since I do not know you. I can just say God made all the promises listed above and that He does not lie. I have never been disappointed by the promises of God. He is the one I trust the most above anyone. I have faith in Him and every time I stepped out in faith He came through.

The good news is you don’t need “Holy Spirit conviction” to be saved. That is you do not need to fully grasp your sin in order to be saved. One is saved by faith alone in the finished works of Christ not their level of faith or assurance. It’s who you trust not how much or how well you trust. A sturdy bridge is just as sturdy for the fearful person as the courageous one.

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You may be sad that you seem to either have little faith or assurance not knowing which one (at least right now). In that you doubted God’s trustworthiness. It’s called faith because you do not see His trustworthiness but you’re willing to “take a leap of faith”. Sometimes the assurance part comes after and you just have to step out and trust Him. My only advice can be to have faith.

It does help to develop a relationship with God to know Him. Prayer, sermons, testimonies and the bible can all help get to know God and his trustworthy promises. It’s easier to trust someone you know more. Feel free to see more on the gospel.

Let me know if you want anything else. Such as recommended sermons, more depths, good testimonies, parables or so on.

God bless!

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witchheaven7 · 5 years

Note

Hi, darling I would like the New Year Package. I am a Virgo Sun with a Libra Moon. A fact about me is that I love video games! My favs are Dragon Age Inquisition and Fallout New Vegas. My question for the three card reading is: Will I obtain success through TV business? I have dreams about making movies and making my stories come to life, but I have some doubt about it. For the sigil request, how about 'I am connected to the Universe` ? Thank you so much! I hope you're doing good! 😙🐱✨🌌

Hello darling! Thank you, I’m doing well! A side note, you have a very shiny, Caribbean blue energy that is really pretty!

🔅Zodiac Spread

⚜️You: King of Wands, reversed

-This is a card of fiery energy and passion, sometimes to a harmful degree. Be careful in this coming year that you are taking the needs of others in consideration, and are not rushing through things that deserve greater care and attention to detail. You may be setting goals that are a little too high for the time frame of your choosing. Be patient, and remember to take a deep breath once in a while.

⚜️Resources: Page of Cups

-There is great potential for unique opportunities this year. Creative endeavors will present themselves and provide you with the means to further your goals and skills. Trust your intuition and it will lead you to abundance and prosperity.

⚜️Communication and Knowledge: Seven of Cups, reversed

-This card suggests that you will have a year full of difficult choices, where you are presented with many opportunities and must choose which causes to devote your time to. You will have chances to further your skills and knowledge, but there will also a temptation to neglect your responsibilities in favor of fun.

⚜️Home and Family: Six of Pentacles

-This card paints a picture of abundance and fulfillment. Everything has come together nicely, and the warmth that your family offers is more present than ever. While there is much love and affection to receive, this card reminds us to also be giving, and to allow ourselves to be as open as possible. It takes trust, but your good faith will pay off in the end.

⚜️Creativity and Children: Ace of Swords

-This year will be a time of breakthrough and success in your creative endeavors. Your long-term creative journey is only beginning, but you are ready to attack any obstacle in your path. This is a good time to begin any creative projects that you might have been considering.

⚜️Work and Service: Ten of Cups

-This year, a great deal of your life will feel like it is finally aligned. You have the resources and energy to spread love to everyone you see. This is a good year to begin new volunteering opportunities, or to give back to the community or your loved ones.

⚜️Relationships: Eight of Cups

-This card suggests that there is something specific in a relationship that you are looking for; something that you have not yet found. You may feel some disappointment in your seemingly bad luck, but you may be looking for the wrong things. Ask yourself what it is that you truly desire, what truly would make you happy, and allow yourself to experience things outside of what you have envisioned previously.

⚜️Tough Stuff: The High Priestess, reversed

-The cards suggest that the biggest obstacle that you will have in this coming year is learning to ignore the opinions of others and trusting your own intuition. Sometimes it seems like everyone in your life has an idea of what your goals should be and how you should do things. Take their advice for what it is, use what you think will help, and discard everything else.

⚜️Expansion and Beliefs: The Fool, reversed

-This card suggests that you are unsure about some of your ideals, and are not sure if you should take the risk to go against the status quo. You can be certain that your intuition is guiding you to the right path, so trust yourself. You are not meant to be like everyone else, so embrace what makes you unique.

⚜️Career: The Hanged Man

-This card advises you to look into new perspectives in your chosen path. Look into different ways of getting things done, and think your goals through before jumping into them. Don’t be afraid of taking a break here and there; it will revitalize you and help you figure out where the next step needs to be.

⚜️Friends and Community: Queen of Pentacles, reversed

-This card suggests that you have been giving a lot of yourself to your friends, and have not been giving yourself enough attention. Do not be afraid this year to give yourself time to relax. There will be a need to find a balance between your social life and professional life this year.

⚜️Secrets and Undoing: Knight of Pentacles

-This year will be filled with opportunities, but you must be willing to put in your half of the energy. You will have to go outside of your comfort zone in order to fully utilize your talents.

🔅Deity Identification/Reading

⚜️Hermes, Greek God of Travel, Trade, Thieves, Luck, Language, and Messenger of the Gods.

-His message: Justice, reversed

“Be honest with yourself and others. Days are shorter when you are open.”

⚜️Apollo, Greek God of the Sun, Music, Archery, Knowledge, Truth, Prophecy, Healing and Poetry

-His message: Eight of Wands, reversed

“Don’t become frustrated if everything does not go according to plan. There is a path that is approaching that will show you your worth.”

⚜️Horus, Egyptian God of the Sky

-His message: King of Pentacles

“You have great creative potential, and will soon begin to reap the rewards from what you have sewn.”

⚜️Frigg, Norse Goddess of the Aesir

-Her message: Page of Pentacles

“Manifestation is this years theme. Go forth with pride and you will find yourself wealthy with secrets.” (Not sure what was meant by the last part haha. It is probably metaphorical).

🔅Psychic Ability/Affinity

I sense that you have an affinity for:

⚜️Cosmic Witchcraft

⚜️Protection Magic (includes warding and shielding)

⚜️Talismanic Magic

Psychic abilities that I sense:

⚜️Empathy

⚜️Clairvoyance

⚜️Limited claircognizance

🔅Intuitive Reading

-I sense that you are very good with your words, and have a fox-like cleverness to you. You have a lot of love to give, and cherish things deeply. You are perceived as being soothing and a free spirit, and are someone that people can rely on.

🔅Three Card Reading

(Note, I pulled three Major Arcana cards for this, which is a pretty big deal and suggests that this path is a very powerful one.)

Career Potential:

⚜️The Hanged Man

-This card paints a picture of a career where you are able to put all of yourself into something you love. There are no restraints; you feel comfortable with showing the world your talents, and are not afraid of failure. It may at times become a bit of a waiting game, where you must be patient to see the fruits of your labors. Do not be afraid of the risk, as it is a necessary step to success in any field.

⚜️The Fool

-This card embodies that idea that a leap of faith must be taken in order to unlock your full potential. This path has so much power and potential, you must take the next step to see it through. New opportunities will present themselves, and bring with them immense joy. This card advises you to let go of doubt and reluctance, and approach your dreams with all of the fervor that you are capable of.

Advice:

⚜️Judgement

-This card suggests that this path is your true calling! You have a unique potential and a story to share with the world, and you can be sure that the Universe is on your side. You have something that humanity needs, and the time to share it is coming soon. Try finding people with similar interests as you, as it may make your path more clear to you.

🔅Sigil

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liberty-flight · 7 years

Text

Okumura Twins’ mirroring character arcs

In response to an ask that got too long. So this is just meta on the twins, I suppose.

I could probably make this full on research paper, but that’s a lot of work so please forgive me for my haphazard yelling about the twins.

So to start with I’m totally Hamilton trash. Which is relevant here, because Yukio and Rin seem to be following some of the arcs that the musical does!

They’re becoming more like each other and it’s probably going to end in Rin (Hamilton) being shot because he doesn’t raise his weapon against Yukio (Burr).

Their character developments and arc are mirroring each other, ironic since they’re twins. And when I say mirror I mean it in the way your reflection is flipped.

man this got long...

The basics are of Rin being born (we assume) a demon, with the flames. Yukio is born human. Yet Yukio is the one who can see them, and grows up in the world of exorcism. Which is weird because Mephisto gave Rin those eye drops for Goudain….?? Maybe it’s different

There’s the symbolism of their arcs too. Rin’s theme is fire, Yukio’s is water/snow. Even their names are in contrast to each other. Rin’s translating to something like “sulfur” (a reference to Lucifer/Satan apparently?) and Yukio’s translates to something like “man of snow.”

Rin’s rise and Yukio’s fall. They’re more similar than they think, and they’re both more similar to Shiro than they know. Rin’s parallels to Shiro are more obvious, but Yukio has them too. But! It seems Rin has been showcasing Shiro’s more positive traits, whereas Yukio seems to be showing his more negative aspects.

So they’re similar to each other, they are twins, and they do look alike if Yukio has his glasses off.

Points to Shiemi for trying.

And she says it here “neither one of you talks about yourself” though she worries about the emotional distance between her and the Okumura twins (more Yukio than Rin, but still) she actually has a pretty good read on them. They’re more similar than they like to think, even though Yukio says something like “i’m not like you!” which in the moment he means reckless, but the deeper meaning being his fear of having demonic powers like Rin.

Anyways.

“I want to be more like him”

Rin, not knowing about demons or exorcism, wanted to be more like Yukio. He was the “good” twin. He never got into trouble, didn’t get into fights, he was smart and wanted to be a doctor. Rin was proud of him but also acutely aware he was the “bad” twin of the two.

Yukio, in contrast, did know the truth about everything and envied Rin his ignorance. He was resentful that he had to work so hard and bear so much burden where Rin didn’t.

“I’ll surpass you”

Both Rin and Yukio perceive the other as someone admirable, as a goal to be striven towards. They also both perceive the other as emulating Shiro more.

Yukio see’s Shiro’s kindness and strong will in Rin, something he thinks he lacks. And Rin see’s Shiro’s exorcism career, his strength and poise in Yukio, something he thinks /he/ lacks.

Yukio has kinda told Shiemi about it, but definitely not Rin. Rin has been very vocal about his goals. His goal to be paladin (partly as homage to Shiro, partly to convince people to stop trying to kill him) and saying he’ll surpass Yukio.

Mountain Imagery

Rin’s big arc is coming to terms with himself as a half-demon, while the others do too. He also has to scale a literal mountain and defeat a huge monster and save everyone with the flames they shunned him for. Very exciting, but also a huge metaphor for struggle. He’s ascending, through strife and pure will, even when it looks helpless and he had to escape a prison to do it.

Yukio’s big breakdown has him standing in the shadow of True Cross, which is it’s own type of mountain. Then he jumps off a building. He literally descends from his place. Where Rin clawed his way upwards Yukio is flinging himself down.

You could say that Rin is raising hell and Yukio is bending heaven (ha, sorry)

Rin ascends a mountain, whereas Yukio plunges off of a building (in the shadow of True Cross city, which looks like a mountain). To be poetic about it Rin conquers a demonic mountain with his controlled flames, and Yukio plunges off a mountain of exorcism/humanity, while he’s unstable and uncontrolled, in order to awaken demonic powers.

Similarity to Shiro Fujimoto

They both parallel Shiro. As I mentioned before Rin seems to be showcasing Shiro’s more positive traits, whereas Yukio seems to be showing his more negative aspects.

People have noticed Rin’s similarity to Shiro a little more, maybe because they’re shocked that the demon twin is emulating the previous paladin. But Yukio’s similarity to his father has been pointed out too. He’s following in his footsteps as an exorcist, and has taken over Fujimoto’s teaching duties, has vowed to take his father’s place in protecting Rin. Rin has showcase his similarities through his kindness, for the most part.

As Rin comes into himself during the Impure King arc that’s when Yukio gets truly unsettled. As Rin starts rising, Yukio begins falling in earnest.

As Mephisto said “When you gaze into the abyss (Rin), the abyss also gazes into you (Yukio)”

And Yukio is beginning to experience something similar to what Rin did, not knowing, a lack of control, etc.

Their weapons

Shiro to Rin “Here’s a sword, never draw it. You’ll become a demon”

Shiro to Yukio “Here’s a gun, here’s how to use it. You’ll kill demons with it”

Suicide, Death, and “why am I alive?”

Both twins have had these thoughts, and neither have discussed them with someone else. They’ve both contemplated dying, and both have doubted why they were ever allowed to survive by Fujimoto.

Rin might have even tried suicide had Shiemi not come when she had. Yukio, in contrast, went to Shiemi himself and then had his suicide attempt.

Now, onto their interactions with other characters!

Angel and Lightning

Angel doesn’t like Rin because of his demonic heritage but says he’s pleasantly surprised by Yukio. Yukio the human exorcist.

Lightning seems to like Rin, he banters and teases him and Bon. In turn Rin seems to trust him to be Bon’s master. Lightning seems suspicious of Yukio, which then turns to antagonizing him and dangling info in front of him.

Lightning who seems very familiar with demons vs Angel who seems to hate them.

Mephisto and Lucifer

Mephisto and Lucifer both approach the twins.

AND. Mephisto approaches Rin after Shiro sacrificed himself for his son. Lucifer approaches Yukio before Izumo’s mom sacrifices herself for her daughter. Like I said, mirrors.

Mephisto approaches with exorcists who have guns drawn, and Rin then exclaims that he wants to join his organization, the True Cross Order. Rin doesn’t want to battle, doesn’t reach for his sword even with so many guns in his face.

Lucifer approaches more or less unarmed, Yukio has his weapon drawn and wants to fight Lucifer, Lucifer doesn’t want to fight though. He wants Yukio to join him, and offers him a place, Yukio doesn’t want to join the Illuminati though.

Suguro and Rin vs Suguro and Yukio

Bon learns to trust Rin and to distrust Yukio.

Rin is unable to draw his weapon, because of doubts of his ability to not hurt others. He wants to draw his weapon, needs to, so he can protect his friends and especially Bon.

Yukio is losing his restraint when it comes to threats and violence, in contrast to Rin’s doubt. He draws his weapon, recklessly and without hesitation, and points his gun at an ally’s face. He threatens Bon’s safety with his own hands.

Bon’s “I trust you” to Rin vs his “Did he always have such a look in his eyes?” when looking at Yukio

Shiemi and Rin vs Shiemi and Yukio

Yukio himself reflects on Rin’s ability to draw Shiemi out of her shell and into the outside world. He perceives this as Rin succeeding where he failed. Rin, in turn, perceives Shiemi’s admiration and respect for Yukio as something he can’t have the way Yukio does because he doesn’t have the history that they do and Yukio is already an exorcist.

They both seem to think that Shiemi might prefer the other twin, which seems like a projection of their own insecurities rather than anything Sheimi has said or done.

Shiemi hugs Rin, Yukio hugs Shiemi. Rin sorta blows up at her before the hug, telling her to stay away because he’s a monster. Yukio blows up at her after the hug, and pushes her to the ground (whereas Rin didn’t hurt her at all, just flashed his harmless/warm flames). Shiemi’s hug no jutsu worked for Rin, but not for Yukio.

Rin needed support and acceptance, but Yukio seemed to explode at the mention of having any support from his brother. Probably because Rin is a reminder of what he’s struggling with, along with his resentment towards himself and Shiro and Rin.

Shura and Todou

Both Shura and Todou attack a twin after being undercover/being introduced under false pretenses. Todou posed as an exorcist and Shura posed as a student.

Shura is over Rin, trying to stab him, and Todou is hunched over Yukio trying to choke/burn him.

Todou and Shura ALSO play into the elemental themes.

Shura’s sword/familiars are snow/ice and Todo’s powers are of fire. We didn’t know about Shura’s at the time, but now we do. Where Todou stole/consumed another’s familiar (that was granted to the head priest by birth right) Shura was BORN with it, as a curse.

You can go even further. Todou’s power is that of the phoenix, of renewal and longevity. Shura’s was a literal limit on her life span.

And if you /really/ want to stretch it…Todou got his power from a bird, Shura from a snake. An animal that can fly vs an animal that doesn’t even have limbs. (I’m really reaching here, but it could be considered a cool interpretation) If bird=dove and snake=serpent then it could even have some biblical theme inversions.

They both express something like “I like that kid”

And despite not having joined the illuminati (yet?) Yukio, in a way, is being mentored by him.

I think both Toudo and Shura see themselves in the twins.

Shura & Rin born with a demonic burden neither ever asked for, kept at a distance by Shiro (via secrecy for Rin, more literal for Shura), and a demonic sword that has a significance to their situations

Todou and Yukio, with brothers and fathers they strived to emulate and take care of, but feeling trapped by the expectations placed on them. Having dark impulses that they let fester instead of addressing, resenting themselves and others.

Shura really helps Rin to train to become an exorcist, even before any of the others know about his heritage. Todou is really a pressure point with Yukio, pushing him to his limits towards…whatever it is (before any of the others know).

I don’t know if this means they’re going to end up on opposing sides, but I do know that they’re headed for a collision course.

Yukio’s escalation when it comes to his violent reactions towards stressors, especially Rin, added with his repeated threats/play-acting of shooting Rin, leads me to think that, in the least, Yukio may hurt Rin very badly, even if not on purpose.

Which, if what Yukio was told about getting his tempt taint from Rin as a baby is true, will be another thing between them that has come full circle. One twin hurting the other, perhaps without even knowing it.

#blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #aoex #okumura twins #yukio okumura #rin okumura #blue exorcist meta

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zhoyoyo · 3 years

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My year in 2020

Inspired by Alix’s beautiful farewell to 2020, I decided to write mine.

2020 has been a year of introspective thinking, a year of returning to myself.

For the first half of 2020, the lockdown took away the pressure—which for most of the time I had been unconscious of—of socializing. Absent of the external pressure, I lived on my own terms, only reaching out to people when I felt like to and hearing from people who likewise took the effort to check in on me. I used to socialize a lot more and thought I wanted to. Needs and obligations were not always distinguishable. I felt happier, calmer, more grounded when the external force went away. I identified the relationships that meant more to me and set aside time for them. I also came to realize that the work I'm doing and will continue to do requires less chatter and more time to myself.

My self-contained lockdown experience was disrupted by the layoff in late May. The convoluted event couldn't be traced back to a single day. My priorities in every sense shifted as it unfolded. What it did most to me, looking back, is that it freed up my mind for more wandering thoughts and provided the conditions for experiments. I had worked a full-time job since graduating college eight years ago. The longest break away from work was no more than two weeks, including job transitions. I have always pursued jobs and positions I liked or I thought I liked—that's probably why I'm still doing journalism. But even a dream job comes with restraints tied to the institution and industry. My rationing (of what I want to do, what I should do) has always been bound by the existing and potential paths I could see myself take within the institution and the industry. The loss of a full-time job and day-to-day obligations forced me to erase the rough strokes on my preplanned future canvas and think about what I want to paint next without institutional constraints. In the weeks and months since the layoff day I reexamined the questions that had always existed with a different state of mind. Do I want to code more, draw more, or write more? (The answer: do more creative work and get better at articulating myself.) Do I see myself following the subject area I've been reporting on in the past few years (immigration, global migration) or have my interests shifted? (I don't have a definite answer to the question yet, but I would say based on my thinking over the past six months: It didn't shift, but narrowed.) Do I want to spend 14 hours a day binge watching anime and Chinese reality TV show? (Yes, and I've got some time to do that. The magical effect of pure entertainment content on myself always amazes me.)

***

I went with some friend to Acadia NP in mid-December for a short restful weekend. Having never hiked in the snow, it was surreal to see various formations of water molecules along a lake loop hike in below-zero weather, and later on the cliffs. The wind combed through the snow on the rock, brushing these white soft sands into the sea, and left its traces. The snowflakes fell onto the icy rock crystalizing into half ice. I admired the unbelievable oddity and beauty of the nature and took photos. I didn't think much of them until one day when I was lying on my yoga mat and the images came back to me. I started to visualize the formation. What were the weather conditions that turned water molecules into different forms? How did the rain drop, the wind, the uneven temperature, and the water in the lake come together to transform the view? The scene at the moment of the hike totally absorbed me. It took days before it came back and I started to visualize the process. On that yoga mat I realized that’s how my mind works. Many things that happened in 2020 surprised, amazed, or stunned me at the moment. But it would take some time for these moments to come back and sink in. And only then can I truly understand what really happened. Some moments of realization have occurred already; others will come in the future. There’s no way to capture all of them by the artificial year-end mark. All I can do is to document what has happened, hoping that with a gaze from the future a new moment of realization will come.

***

I started the year with the goal of developing a subject area of expertise in data storytelling. Most of my work this year is to fulfill this pursuit. The pandemic provided some great opportunities to examine the community of "global migrants (immigrants, expats, foreigners)" and their relationships with their home countries and host countries.

I analyzed the announcements by US universities on how they treated international students under lockdown (like most public policies rolled out dealing with migrants amid Covid-19, they were mostly an after-thought and all over the place);

I showed with data that US immigrants were disproportionally affected by the pandemic as more worked in high-unemployment industries and had less access to health insurance;

I looked into how the severe outbreaks in high-income countries affected low-income countries due to the plunge in remittances;

... the impact of the global pandemic on the value of passport at the beginning of the pandemic, and later on, why it's not a good year to be an American.

As the data became available, a reverse globalization could be seen around the world. Foreigners have left the US and other western developed countries.

For one more evidence of the global shift toward favoring skilled immigration, I built a calculator for UK's then-proposed now-enacted points-based immigration system to see who's qualified to migrate to UK post Brexit.

In another story, I charted the global inequality of mobility—a theme I could explore and talk about endlessly—by showing that citizens from richer countries had a higher chance of getting their US visas approved.

After the layoff, my work in the area switched from short-burst newsy stories to more creative, in-depth research and analysis. My ex-coworker and friend Dan Kopf allowed me to visualize the history of Chinese immigrants in the Bay Area on his newsletter (which is in itself a data feast of curious unknown facts about the Bay Area. Highly recommend!) I decided to tell the story through the lens of occupations, dug the data, and created something I'm proud of. The abundance of creative freedom made it a liberating experience. Then entering October, I started working on two longer-term projects—in one I was fortunate enough to be selected as a McGraw Business Reporting fellow to report on the story of the effect of immigration policies on US multinational companies, in the other I enrolled myself in the DCrit at SVA to deepen my knowledge and do research on the evolving forms of citizenship (something I had been contemplating of doing for a couple years). Both of them are still ongoing.

Another significant change in my work of 2020 is that I started freelancing. It was such a different (and educating) experience from having a full-time job. Aside from logistics, technicalities, practical dos and don'ts, what I learned the most is care and love. The few months of freelancing after the layoff made me realize how fortunate I am. This community of friends and acquaintances who reached out to me, helped make connections, and provided me with opportunities is something I did not know existed before. I was filled with warmth that I was not left on my own. Their love and action planted something inside me. I wanted to be like them, capable of loving others and taking action—an ability maybe natural to some, but one I cultivated more this year. My dear Quartz family, my friends and acquaintances from The AP and Graphicacy/Timeplots, from the larger JoC family, from the data visualization community (Data Viz Society), from journo-coders (NICAR, IRE, News Nerdery), and my fellow Chinese storytellers... If I need to name names, the list of people I'm grateful for would be long. I owe a great deal to you. ♡

Some stories I contributed to and loved from the short period of freelancing:

I worked on a number of data visualization stories explaining Covid-19 for Vox.com

One examined the effect of mask mandates on containing the spread of the virus (Masking is effective, but mask mandates do not fit into a single narrative.)

We surveyed the US population on their behaviors of wearing masks in various social settings. The individual decision of wearing a mask is often times a negotiation with the environment. The survey results revealed the danger of small gatherings.

Another story looked at the rationing of vaccine priorities among the U.S. states when the first Pfizer/Biotech vaccines just became available and there were a number of approaches of distributing the limited doses. While the consensus was health workers should get vaccinated first, the actual distribution did not follow that rationale.

I charted how Covid-19 became the third leading cause of deaths at the end of September for Scientific American.

Centro de Periodismo Investigativo investigated the excessive deaths in Puerto Rico after the outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic with expert analysis and local context. I helped analyze the data, build the charts, and put together the package.

CalMatters investigated toxic chemicals in California's water systems and how a regulation change affected communities living on the water supply. I did the data analysis and created visualizations for the investigation.

2020 has indeed been a year of failed expectations. Most of my plans fell short. I did not fulfill my goals for work or my travel promises to my parents and friends. I did not read more books or learn a new language. My races throughout the year were cancelled and my guaranteed entry to the NYC marathon was wasted. But it is also this year that I started doing yoga and grew more plants. I can clearly picture the multiple moments when I was showered in love and felt the urge to become a more loving and caring person. I learned more about myself and my values and embarked new journeys that I had always wanted to give a try. 2020 has also been a year of warmth and courage, and I would like to think it made me a better person.

#year in review #2020

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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Has a teacher ever flirted with you? ... no? Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? nah

Do you know a lot of attractive boys personally? pfft, most of men (even celebs) are ugly What happens if you realized you had a crush on somebody? depends Which two of your friends would have the cutest baby together? babies aren’t cute What’s the closest thing to you that is your favorite color? handmade doll my dad bought before Christmas on a market for me How do you feel about your naked body? sigh... Will you sing along to a song in front of other people? maybe Do you wish you had a bigger family? no way Do small children like you? more than I like them for sure What else is the same color as your eyes? hard to tell Do you know your own limits? ugh... If you could hug anybody right now, who would it be? my gf or my grandma, I can hug my parents tho

Do you overuse smileys? I overuse gifs :P What is your least favrotie color? favrotie lol sounds like Pavarotti What’s the most self-destructive thing you’ve ever done? personal

Have you ever wanted to believe in something, but couldn’t? mhm Right now, would it be scarier for things to dramatically change, or for things to stay exactly the same? but change to worse or better? What was the last thing you lost sleep over? stress, broken heart, overthinking

Is it difficult to watch family members get older? yeah Do you think the overall meaning of a song is lessened when it doesn’t come directly from the writer’s personal experiences? I do indeed Of all the people you know, who changes most frequently? (Feel free to interpret “changes” however you want.) my mom and sister and I don’t want to explain that publicly Do you find yourself getting more optimistic around New Year’s, or does that time of year have a negative affect on you? optimistic somehow

How many guys have attempted to rape you? omg

Have you ever had a woman try to seduce you sexually? sure

Name someone who sexually harassed or abused you. Have you ever told anyone about this? If not, do you want to? Do you fear that no one would believe you? my ex, yep, I don’t care if anyone believes me?

Do you wish you could be yourself without restraint? mhm

Name one good person you know. dad

Have you ever had a crush like you back and be with you? yup

Have you ever told someone you had a crush on them? obvi

Has anyone ever accused you of being gay? but I am gay...

Would you be more open about your faith if it weren’t for persecution? I don’t hide it?

Do you wish your parents loved you? they say they do

Why does everyone hate you? they have their “reasons”

Do you stand up to bullies, or give in to them? usually give in unless I’m online

Why are you so nice? I’m not

Do you know anyone who’s not selfish? no one is truly selfless

Do you know any true Christian women? I think my aunt Alice is like this

When was the last time you had a hug? today

When was the last time you switched doctors and do you like your new one? I don’t like ‘em

Have you ever overdosed? had withdrawals only

Do you wish all the people who have tried to kill you would get caught? I don’t think anyone has tried to kill me but some tried to hurt me

Who was the last couple that you’d expect to get divorced (that did)? not gonna talk about it publicly

Do you wish you could afford make-up that wouldn’t get ruined when you cry? that’s fucked up...

Do you think calling gossip “tea” is stupid? tea is when someone’s right about what they say but gossips are lies

Are you a healer? I wish I could heal myself and others, that would be an awesome superpower/gift from God, I wanna feel good and help

Do you look your age? I look much younger

Are you sleepy? a bit

Do you want to sue someone right now? If so, who? too late for that

Have you ever been abused by a cop? luckily not

What is your cutest cousin’s name? I don’t remember Were you born in a hospital? I was

Do you feel at all nauseous right now? it’s normal for me to be nauseous, more or less

What is your favorite part of nature? greenery?

Do you feel like your favorite season lasts long enough? not enough

What color Christmas tree do you want when you have your own house someday? green is fine but some other colors are interesting so won’t mind trying smth new

What do people accuse you of the most? ask them

What was the name of your favorite Barbie? oh shit I forgot :(

Did you give your Barbies individual names? yasss

Does your mom like your favorite color? could say so

Which family member’s birthday is closest to yours? mom’s

Which friend do you want back? I tried to get bunch of them back but I failed, we changed and there’s no point

Does your back hurt right now at all? slightly

Do you think you would look good on the cover of a magazine? I’m ugly

Have you ever wished you were born in a different country? who knows, I can’t imagine that

Who was the last person you met who wasn’t toxic? we are toxic but not every single person is worth being around

What color were the last pair of pajamas you wore? blue and white

Are you exhausted? less than I was in the morning?

Do you think skydiving sounds fun? not for me

Do you itch right now? unfortunately

What is the ugliest animal known to man (in your opinion)? sloth

Have you ever purchased a poinsettia? bought for my mother

Do you like poinsettias? not really, I don’t care for them

Would you want your bday to be on a holiday? I’m glad it’s not part of holidays :o

Do you write your usernames and passwords somewhere in case you forget? ...

Have you been outside today? for a moment Are you thirsty? weirdly Do people ever call you hateful? I know I’m hateful Do you discover new bands daily? wtf, not that often What are you listening to now?

youtube

Would you recommend other people to get the phone you own? why not

Have you ever dated a ginger?: "dated”

Do you watch American Horror Story?: watched Freak show

Have you ever lied to get out of a relationship?: guilty Do you like Lana Del Rey?: would say so Do you think suits are sexy? like to wear them but don’t like my partner to wear it

Are you an old soul?: partially Do you wear slippers?: always (when I’m home of course) What are you doing tomorrow?: grocery shopping?

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siverwrites · 6 years

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Dangerous Games Excerpt #Who knows what. AKA Gant’s an evil sob.

*coughs* Okay it’s rather without before or after context and kind of on the rough side, but @raygirlramblings I diiiid it. I couldn’t help it after Gant talk... Well some of it anyway. Sorry Cabs.

Gant is way too much fun sometimes.

Gant smiled from his desk as Cabanela entered the office.

“What can I dooo for you, Chief?” Cabanela asked. Any sign of annoyance was carefully hidden. He was in the middle of at least three different things. Gant was the last person he wanted to see at the best of times.

“It’s about time we had a little talk, Cabsy my boy.” Gant stood, still smiling and Cabanela had to resist the sudden urge to back away. “I was content to let you go about your business. I thought you would show some sense and give it up.” He chuckled. “I should have known better. You’re driven! It’s one of the things I respect about you as a detective you know.”

“Can’t saaay I know what you’re talkin’ about Chief.”

“Now, now let’s not play games. You’ve been running around on your little investigations and I thought it was about time you saw how things truly are first hand.”

Gant pulled out a gun. Cabanela jumped back. What was he…?

“Plannin’ to shoot me?” he asked.

Gant pointed his gun at him. “Yes.”

He was serious. Cabanela’s hand drifted to his coat as he gauged the distance between himself and the door.

“And how are you planning on covering this one up? Building full of cops down there. Even you’ll have a hard time with that one.” Could he survive long enough to make it to the door? He’d certainly be proof of Gant’s true nature. Living proof as temporarily as it might be.

“Oh there’ll be no need for that. No one else will ever know.”

Impact, sound, pain. The room seemed to swing and he found himself on the floor, the ceiling swimming hazily above. He brushed a hand across his chest and it came away warm and wet. He did it… This wasn’t… supposed to…

Gant’s face appeared in his blurring vision and he nudged his side with his foot. “Do hurry along Inspector.”

Get away, he had to get away. He struggled to sit up before Gant planted a foot on his chest sending a jolt of agony through him. Pressed down, helpless, fading. It was over. He felt the weight lift, felt the vibrations of Gant’s steps through the floor. A sign of hope if he was capable of moving. But his failing vision told him it was over… he failed…

Something flooded into his awareness. Sight, not a sight that made much sense but it was there. He was… he was… he was a ‘he’ for starters. That was something. He was something to which a ‘he’ could be attached to, something to which a thing could be attached to, unlike the sense of urgency flooding through him and what was that about?

“Take your time, Cabanela, take your time.”

‘Cabanela.’ He stared at the man in front of him and now the sense of urgency was paired with familiarity. There was a room, also familiar, and a body lying on the floor along with the same man standing over it.

“I’m this Cabanela yeees?”

The man clapped with a broad smile. “That’s right! Welcome to the ghost world.”

Ghost world? He stared at the body on the floor. That was… “Then am I given to understand that’s meee down there?”

“Well done!”

“So I’m not just seein’ doubles, baby. Am I dead theeen?”

“For now.”

“Yet you appear to be here and there very much aliiive.”

“Ho ho, in a manner of speaking.”

Everything seemed so fuzzy. There was something important, real important. “Can’t seem to quiiite remember...”

“Give it some time,” the man said calmly. “In this place we have all the time in the world, you know. Perhaps some names will help. You are Inspector Cabanela and I am the Chief of Police, Gant.”

Gant, Gant… there was something familiar there and a burst of anger at the name. He stared at his body and the man still standing over it. The image of a gun rose. Gant… danger… Jowd…? JOWD.

He turned his attention back to Gant with a snarl as everything flooded back. It all came down to this man and…

Gant clapped. “Oh, ho, ho! There you are and such hatred! It’s so nice to finally see some honesty from you.”

And he was dead. Now what?

“Oh don’t worry. You won’t be dead for long.” He chuckled. “So it took old Jowdo, eh? At one time I never would have pegged you for such sentimentality.”

How did he…?

Gant tsked. “It’s all part of this world you see. We’re not really speaking so much as thinking at each other. Makes keeping a secret real tricky!”

So that was how it worked was it? So be it; he was more than capable of restraint. “So I’m dead,” he said flatly. “Failin’ to see your plan here.”

“Now I show you my power and bring you back. Come on, back to four minutes ago.”

He watched himself enter the office. Watched himself speak with Gant. This was certainly… interesting, but what was Gant planning?

“Patience, my boy.”

Gant raised his gun.

“Ah, there’s my cue. One moment.”

Gant vanished and the lamp on his desk suddenly flickered on and off. The Gant with a gun paused and looked down at the lamp.

“Ah, it seems we’ve already done this step,” he said and lowered his gun.

“What are you…?” Cabanela asked, leaning back, balancing carefully, ready to move at a moment’s notice.

Gant reappeared at Cabanela’s ghostly side.

“And now we return to a new present.”

The world seemed to snap into place. He was alive. What just happened? How was this possible? The door was losing some of its appeal. There was important information to be had here.

“A taste if you will,” Gant said, “but we’re not done yet.” He raised his gun again. “I’ll spare your coat this time.” And fired.

“You know what’s interesting?” Gant asked as the ghost world swam into Cabanela’s view.

“Do teeell,” Cabanela said, looking down at his body. Headshot. That… was not something he needed to see, yet it was hard to pull his gaze away. The coat was spared; that was something, wasn’t it?

“A person who’s already died once seems to wake up so much faster. I wonder why that is? Can a soul get used to dying? Maybe we’ll find out today.”

“So what,” Cabanela drawled. “Just plannin’ to kill me all day?”

“Well, now that depends entirely on you! For now we have to finish the demonstration.”

And they were back after another flicker of the lamp.

Riiight, one death was one too many and two was really pushing it. The door was starting to sound awfully appealing again, except it didn’t sound like Gant was done yet. And what was the plan here? To scare him off? It sounded like there was more information he could get.

“The time travel has its uses,” Gant said. “But it’s very limited. And of course you’ve seen a touch of my other powers – manipulating objects. But, you see objects aren’t the only thing I can move around.” He dropped into his chair.

“Yeees? And what’s tha…” Cabanela’s voice died out.

His hands suddenly moved without his telling them to. What? He couldn’t move, but something, something else moved his hands and now they were locking around his throat. He struggled to pull away, but the pressure only increased and his chest constricted in fear. He couldn’t breathe. He choked for breath only for his own hands to squeeze harder. His vision darkened and it almost seemed a blessing against the pain.

“I can control people.” Gant said as the strange ‘ghost world’ faded into view once more. “I’m sure you can imagine how useful that is!”

He just… strangled himself. Cabanela carefully set aside those thoughts. Gant didn’t need to know the spark of fear this particular death brought about.

“So much easier to get people to behave when you can force it!” His voice suddenly took a sterner tone. “Now imagine what else I could make you do.”

“So this is your way of makin’ me ‘behave’, is it?”

“I didn’t want to do this, but you’ve become a real thorn in my side.”

“And what’s the plaaan? Keep killin’ me ‘til I agree to stop? Gonna be here for a looong time.”

“Such bravado. But yes. Something like that.” Gant said idly and they went back.

“…But, you see objects aren’t the only thing I can move around.” The lamp flickered. “And now you know that too.”

“Must be handy,” Cabanela said coolly. “The great investigator Gant. Easy to find evidence when you make it yourself. Easy to get a criminal to confess when you force it. How many?” he asked sharply.

“I’ve locked away a lot of bad folks. No one can complain about that.”

“And how many innocents?” At least one. Was that it? A forced confession? No, was it worse? A child’s hand… did he go that far?

“There are always sacrifices.”

“Only if you allow it,” Cabanela snapped.

“Inspector Cabanela with a spotless record. You know as well as I do what has to be done. I only ease things along you could say. You think you’re above such things? How noble,” Gant sneered. “And how far you have to fall when you find your gun pointing at another. So many targets.” He suddenly smiled and clapped. “But we can go lighter to start with! It’s been so long since you’ve talked with Jowdo hasn’t it? The things we could say…”

Cabanela stiffened. ‘We’…

“You’ve made your feelings for him clear after all. Not one visit in all these long years. A real knife twist you could say!”

“Bastard.”

“Now, now is that all you have to say? I think it’s time we moved on.”

So many targets. No. He could kill him as many times as he pleased. A brave sentiment, but it was something to cling to. He was better. He was better than that.

His hand twitched. Here we go again… Into his coat, and he pulled his gun out, felt the cool bite of metal against his temple. Gant’s voice seemed to ring through his mind. “Practice on yourself first, eh?”

There wasn’t time for pain. Only darkness before the reds of the ghost world came back into view. This was getting tiresome.

“You know I learned something interesting early on,” Gant said conversationally while appearing to study Cabanela’s body. “As you might have noticed it takes time for a soul to wake up. However, I can go back to reverse a death before they wake up and you know what? They don’t remember a blessed thing.” He turned his attention to Cabanela. “Makes you think, doesn’t it? We could die without ever knowing it. Maybe we have. You, me… Lynne.”

If he had breath to catch he knew it would have and he tried to quickly clamp down on his thoughts. Dear gods no. From Gant’s sharp smile he knew he hadn’t been entirely successful.

“Something to keep in mind, eh? Let’s get you back up.”

And they returned. Briefly. Gant aimed his gun back at him. “We’ll give you a small break, shall we?”

He didn’t register the gun or pain only an explosion behind his eyes. Lamp flicker. His hands at his throat. Are we doing that again? Flicker. His throat tightened on its own, closed. He couldn’t breathe. Flicker, gun, flicker, massive pressure in his chest with a squeezing pain, agonizing, flicker, back to the gun? Flicker. Flicker, flicker, flicker.

When did he end up on the floor and how? Gant knelt next to him, one hand firmly planted on his chest. He braced himself for whatever the next killing blow was to be.

“Are you tired yet?” Gant asked.

He made a show of looking past him toward the grandiose clock adorning the wall. “Hardly been here a feeew minutes. Hardly worth either of our time, is it?”

Gant sighed and straightened with a hard kick to Cabanela’s ribs, knocking the breath out of him before backing away and aiming his gun at him once more. “Another little talk then.”

The ghost world faded into view.

“We can keep doing this as long as it takes,” Gant said. “The same four minutes over and over.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” Cabanela replied with the best impression of an airy shrug he could muster.

“That’s right. You have to play the knight in shining armour, don’t you my boy?”

Gant pulled them back, the lamp flickered and Cabanela found himself back on the floor. Gant moved away and sat next to him. Before he could take advantage of his freedom, Cabanela’s legs jerked out of his control and he rose up as if on puppet strings. He staggered, struggling against the force moving his feet toward the suit of armour against Gant’s wall. His hands shook as they grasped the hilt of the sword and pulled it from the suit. He couldn’t stop his body pitching forward onto the blade.

“So,” Gant continued as though the fatal interlude hadn’t just happened. “That leaves me wondering about others like that fellow whose company you seem to enjoy.” He paused, brow knitting. “What is his name? Not so bright, seems a bit useless. I’m surprised you keep his company. Ah! Gumshoe, yes.”

Stay neutral. Don’t react. No need to pull him into this. It was Gant’s problem if he didn’t recognise the detective’s worth and something to be grateful for if it kept him out of this.

“I wonder what he would think of all this? And of course I was intending to have a talk with the young lady soon. Detective Lynne is very promising; I’d hate to cut her career short, but death can be so traumatic can’t it, Cabsy? I wonder how she would handle such memories.”

He couldn’t quite clamp down on the flash of rage. Don’t you dare.

“Of course I’d prefer to leave her be. Let her get on with her career without a care in the world.

Anyway, you’re leaving a bloody mess on my floor. Come along.”

He was back on the floor away from the armour. He was back to being forced down under the weight of Gant’s hand.

“Well?” Gant asked. “It’s all up to you. You can spare them all and keep your career intact.”

Cabanela glared up at him. Lynne couldn’t suffer this. None of them could suffer this. This was the real world, he reminded himself. There was no point in prolonging this. He had the advantage here. It didn’t make the words taste any less bitter as he averted his eyes, a picture of defeat. “You win.”

Gant’s hand tightened around his coat, digging into his chest before he abruptly rose. “Good! I’m glad we could come to an understanding.”

He offered a hand to Cabanela who ignored it and pushed himself up. Gant made no sign of noticing and moved back to his desk.

“I’ll see you at our meeting tomorrow,” he said as if nothing had happened while straightening some of his papers. “There were a few points I wanted to discuss about that pesky Dorm case.”

Cabanela swallowed once and made sure his voice was steady. Two could play at this game. “I’ll be there,” he said.

“Good, good.”

Cabanela turned to leave and froze when Gant called for him once more. He didn’t bother turning around and could all too easily picture the jovial smile on Gant’s face.

“Oh and Cabsy? I can bring her back easy, but it’s not my hands that have to be dirty. Keep that coat clean, eh? Off you go.”

Cabanela barely managed to resist slamming his office door. He left his light off – not here, do not disturb – and made a beeline for his chair where he sagged into it.

This explained a lot, didn’t it, he thought vaguely. But he never expected anything like this. His hand brushed against his chest. His heart was beating faster than normal, but that was okay. It meant life. He was alive. He always had been despite his memories’ claim to the contrary. Time travel, fancy that.

All of that and yet he had only been in Gant’s office for a few minutes at most, which meant he still had the rest of his work day. Right. There were… there were several things he intended to do today, weren’t there? Things he’d been annoyed at the interruption to. Right. Focus on that first then plans, whatever those may be.

He reached out to turn his lamp on. Flicking on and off. He flinched back. Easy man, he chided himself. It’s over. In a way it never happened, yes? He leaned back into his seat draping his head over the back, focusing on the dig of the chair into his neck. Present. Here.

Gant could manipulate objects, people, time...

Ye gods.

‘Keep that coat clean…’

Lynne…

#I'm too easily lured in #//#///#////#/////#dangerous games

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raygal0re · 4 years

Text

Final Assignment: Letters

Dear 2020,

It’s been halfway through the year and genuinely, you’ve been a lot...hard to digest and process specifically. I’ve had so much hope for you, something that everyone subconsciously ends up doing when a new year comes. It’s funny because all of the things I so desired to happen, despite them not being turned true, I ended up facing situations that I didn’t think about because I’ve kept them all in the back of my mind.

There were a lot of surprises for sure (don’t even get me started on those omg, double-you-tee-eff moments), but for the things that happened to me, they came off as clarity. Clarity and truth that I’ve been thirsting for: the situations and circumstances that I know deep down, were meant to happen for the betterment of me.

Every month felt like I was going through the most challenging hurdle, and I felt stuck every time. I’ve never questioned so much about myself...never had those thoughts that allowed me to step out of my comfort zone to be the best version of myself. Yes, you can be the “best” version of yourself everyday, there’s no limit to it, but for these past few months, it felt like I was way more than I used to be.

The pandemic made it easier for us to realize everyday things/people we’ve taken for granted. Due to this moment of realization, it wasn’t hard to recollect and think about the flaws I didn’t normally consider because of how “busy” I was. Although I wanted to have an eventful senior year in the most thrilling and exciting way, the restraints placed by the pandemic made me reconsider all the things that I once accepted to be “normal”.

I truly stand by what I said on how these past few months shed light on the things I would easily dismiss. I was so caught up on being anxious about not being able to handle those parts of me that still remain unknown, but with more time to genuinely self-reflect, I’m proud to say that I’m coming to terms with accepting and answering them one step at a time.

2020, you are chaotic. Chaotic every month. But you’ve been the year of truth. For myself, for those around me, for society, and for the world. It’s time for us to ground ourselves again.

I admit that I’m weary to find out about how it’ll play out some more, but I trust that in good means, whatever happens is something that we as a society need. Now more than ever.

Dear Mr. Santin,

I don’t know if I ever told you this, but when I first went to Pope for the grade eight open house, your class was what stuck to me most. I remembered on the first day of grade nine, I was so nervous because I couldn’t process the thought of being a highschooler and I went early not only to find my classes (I didn’t want to be that wimpy niner who’s lost on her first day LOL), but to run back to the class that I saw during the open house.

Back home in the Philippines, me and my younger brother would scribble every inch of our walls with crayons, to the point that the walls look just as messy as the living conditions in the TV show Hoarders haha. Some people say that being in a class filled with quotes on each surface area can be messy and overwhelming, but strangely, it brought peace to me.

I struggle a lot with having the full grasp of my identity and how I came to be. Ever since I was born, I was surrounded by people who’ve made countless comments, judgements and remarks both left and right, and good and bad. My character was genuinely built upon pleasing others to avoid disappointment from them that I strove and strive to be the best in all things I do, even the ones that are unexpectedly thrown towards my way.

I saw your classroom as my safe place; I can be WHO I am. Without the judgements, without the need for me to satisfy other people. It’s fair to say that I still have those “people pleaser” tendencies, but I’ve never felt more free anywhere else that isn’t your class. I genuinely mean when I or many others would say that you’ve given us a space to let us be ourselves. We’ve talked about this before, and you told me how throughout the years, it became a regular thing for students to come by and hangout for lunch. I think that’s the greatest thing anyone can do, the greatest thing a teacher can do.

I know I’ve repeated this thousands of times, but I really missed out on having you for writer’s craft. I love our short time in English together so much, sir. It was one of those classes that despite being tired, unmotivated, nor unwilling, there was something unexplainable that made me want to be there...and I think that’s another great thing about your class and you as a teacher.

If I could turn back time, I would want to relive those moments before the bell would ring for the third period. As well as lunchtime haha.

I really do hope we can stay in touch sir, you’re genuinely made an impact on me and I pray that I won’t ever lose sight of it.

It’s not a promise but, I’ll never get bored of your instagram lives haha and I know that if I need anyone to talk to, you’ll always try your best to be there.

If it’s not going to be a problem, I think I’m going to write letters here to you every once in a while haha. I’ll try my best to come by and visit you!

Thank you so much for everything sir :)

- Rayezha

#finalenglishassignment2020

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