#transgender dysphoria

[junebugwriter]

Transgender Dysphoria Blues

It was around 2005. In my dorms, I made a lot of different kinds of friends, and because it was the mid-2000s, we passed around CD's to show new music to each other. Back then, one of my friends introduced me to a band of theirs from their home state, a band called Against Me!. I said I enjoyed punk and emo stuff, and he said I'd like this band.

From the first moment, I heard the raw voice of the lead singer. This person was straining, yelling, screaming with melodic intensity and purpose, laser-focused on the rage, frustration, and despair that comes with young adulthood in the Bush era. They talked about love, and death, and how our future was sold out from under us. They sang

"Baby, I'm an anarchist and you're a spineless liberal We marched together for the eight-hour day and held hands in the streets of Seattle But when it came time to throw bricks through that Starbucks window You left me all alone, all alone..."

I was enthralled. I had never encountered anything like this music before. Well, that's not true. I'd heard punk before--older stuff, like the Clash, the Sex Pistols, the Ramones, stuff that spoke to a moment in time that seemed ancient to me but was only a couple of decades before--but not punk like this. Not punk that actually had some fucking teeth. Not punk that wasn't afraid to be proudly anarchistic, nakedly political, and darkly poetic in this way.

In 2007, I got the newer album, New Wave, and again, this was more of the stuff I loved. Sure, New Wave was a bit more polished, but it was still filled with all those rough emotions that spoke to a disaffected young "man" like me. There was something to the way the lead singer belted out those bars that really nailed something within me, something ineffable, intangible at the time. Something gestating quietly within my brain, a feeling that something wasn't quite right with me, but couldn't be named.

The final song on New Wave, "The Ocean," threw me for a loop. These lyrics... were different.

"And if I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman My mother once told me she would have named me Laura I'd grow up to be strong and beautiful like her...

There is an ocean in my soul Where the waters do not curve..."

At first, I thought this was simply poetic license, imagining a different life, imagining one in which they could be completely different, living a humble, domestic existence far from the drugs and rock and roll. One of simplicity, happiness, bliss. But... something gnawed at me. Why a woman? Why that name? Mysterious to my young brain.

I had not yet heard the word "transgender." I didn't have any context for it. But I knew the ocean in the soul, whose waters did not curve. I knew the depths that dwelled beneath. I knew that there was so much more to my being that even I couldn't quite understand.

Time passed. I graduated from undergrad, and had moved on to graduate school. In grad school, I had more education about LGBTQ+ issues, and had drawn closer to being in the "ally" camp of things, even in the Methodist church. I was drawn to the cause, yet couldn't quite understand why I identified with so many of the struggles they faced.

Near the end of it, a year before I graduated, news came out about the lead singer of Against Me!. She was transgender. Her name was Laura Jane Grace.

My mind raced. Wait, what? The singer with the raspy, raw, and to my mind, thoroughly masculine voice... was a woman now? I googled furiously. I had to learn more. I read every article about her. I drank deep of the news. I had to understand how this turn of events could be. Wait, someone can just... be a woman? And not know it? You can simply do that?

I watched some interviews with her. She seemed thoroughly natural in more feminine clothing. She smiled far more than I thought possible, knowing what she looked like before. She was... happy.

I was worried. What would happen to this band, now that their singer was different? Would her voice change? Would their songs change? I was nervous. But also... I was oddly excited. I knew what a trans person was. I knew that it was a thing you could be. But now, it suddenly became personal in a weird way. Because now I knew a trans person, if not personally, but through the art they made.

A couple years later, they came out with a new album. For whatever reason, I never took the time to listen to it. I had moved out to the country, and buying CDs was becoming passé, but I didn't know how else to buy music now, because I didn't want to bother buying songs through Apple. So... I never listened to it. Until recently.

Here's the title track of the album.

I no longer worried about the band. I knew that they were the same, just... actually wrestling with the thing that lurked within the ocean of Laura Jane Grace's soul.

With the kraken within the depths of my soul.

I was partly afraid of listening to the album. I was afraid of change. But I'm learning I'm more courageous than I thought I was. I'm learning to face the beast down in the depths, the dysphoria that stares back at me from the mirror each day. It has a name now. It has dimension, and weight, and yes, some days it is overwhelming and too much.

But I can fight it.

She wrestled with it in this album, highs and lows. Regrets, memories, eulogies for lost friends. All through the funhouse lens of gender dysphoria. And suddenly, all the rage, all the fury, came roaring back to the fore. The rage had an edge, and the edge cannot be dulled because it is an edge piercing all the way down to the spinal column. The cracks in the voice, the strain of the vocal cords, the tears and the joy and the endless, rocking waves of emotional turmoil... they can be viewed clearly now. They had a name.

It's a good album. I think every trans femme ought to listen to it, especially if you like punk. Because all the anarchist fury and anti-establishment wit is still there, just with a different set dressing, with a different lens, a different focus. If anything it's sharper. More raw. More powerful.

Happy Pride. This is the anthem of the month for me. I'm trans, and I'm going to help burn this world down build a better one in its ashes.

Thank you, Laura Jane, and Against Me!. You helped me understand the weapons in my hands better than any other band.

#transgender #lgbtq #lgbtqia+ #blog #music #punk rock #against me! #laura jane grace #transgender dysphoria #gender dysphoria #transgender dysphoria blues #Youtube #pride #trans pride #trans mtf #trans women #transfem

[onyx-got-clowned]

I’ve never been so emotional and disgusted just for being trans? Damn cis people kinda suck ngl

#It’s that time guys 🙏 #Venting in the tags AGAIN?! #onyx vents⭐️ #I had to drop a friend #For a multitude of reasons #But one being that I’m pretty sure he never saw me as a dude? #And also was basically fetishizing me and my friend ⁉️ #He is a cis gay guy btw #No clue on what it’s like to be trans #and I’m sitting here almost crying about how much easier it would be to be a guy #Trans #transgender #trans ftm #transmasc #trans vent #transgender dysphoria #I’m disgusted because the guy i dropped LITERALLY would get ‘excited’ when he hung out with me and my ffiend

[ghostampede]

girl help the gender dysphoria demons are getting me and tearing my body to shreds from the inside out until there is nothing recognizable about me and i am nothing more than a a bloated corpse singed at the edges!

#gender dysphoria #has felt so violent for me lately #like it feels like someone is inflating my body parts so wide they’ll pop #and that there are bugs crawling under the skin of my genetalia #and that if i don’t rip off my breasts with my own bare hands they’ll explode anyways and burn down my chest #and that my bones are melting in my face to look softer than they should #y’know #usually it’s just #ahhhh booo i look wrong #not #straight body horror #anyways #transgender #transgender dysphoria #trans masc #trans #transmasc #trans man #transgender man

[strwbrypoptart]

the dysphoria in the week leading up to the consultation appointment with a possibly undereducated chest surgeon is something else

his reviews from other nonbinary people are not bueno

I guess I'm a little spoiled that Dr Mosser's website is the first one that always comes up when trying to research such things

but his office is on the other side of the continent so....

#dysphoria #tw dysphoria #transgender dysphoria #chest dysphoria #top surgery #nonbinary #nonbinary top surgery

[animentality]

#twitter #dysphoria #gender #lgbt #transgender #cisgender

[myths-and-girls]

Getting top surgery next week and ngl, I think its gonna be a huge weight off my chest

#top surgery #gender nonconforming #gender dysphoria #dad jokes #trans nonbinary #transgender #nonbinary

[noahsfault]

I’m going to tell you something nobody told me:

It is O-fucking-Kay if you think you’re trans except for that one thing

If you think you might be a girl but you like having your hair short, or you don’t like wearing dresses, or you don’t want to wear makeup, that is totally okay

If you think you might be a guy but you like having long hair or you really love skirts or you wear lots of sparkly jewellery, that is totally okay

If you think you might be nonbinary but you really like presenting in a way that aligns with your agab, that is totally okay

If you think you might be trans but you aren’t sure if you want hormones, that is totally okay

If you think you’re trans “except for…” that is totally okay and get this: you don’t have to change that part of yourself to be trans

You can if you want to, but if you don’t, that is totally okay

#you are valid #lgbtq+ #transgender #trans #transmasc #transfem #nonbinary #gnc #genderqueer #gender dysphoria #gender euphoria #ftm #mtf #trans positivity #gender nonconforming

[transonlyspace]

to everyone who sees this:

I CAST 10000000000000000000000000 GENDER EUPHORIA 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

reblog to give your mutuals gender euphoria

#transgender #trans pride #transisbeautiful #transmasc #nonbinary #trans rights #gender euphoria #gender identity #transfem #gender dysphoria

[lillucyondabeat]

It do be capping

#transgender #trans #transfem #transmasc #enby #nonbinary #queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia #:3 #shitpost #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria

[theteleportingtransfem]

Reblog if you’re a transfem who is shy and you fear abandonment, even when you know that your friends are amazing and would never leave you.

Or if you like pizza.

#transfem #196 #rsd #autism #adhd #transgender #rejection sensitive dysphoria #r/196 #audhd #bpd

[yaoiboypussy]

Why do some trans guys act like you personally attacked them when you tell them to not be weird about pregnant men.

#.txt #I don’t care if you get ‘second hand dysphoria’ be normal and nice to other trans people!! #trans #transgender #trans man #transmasc

[onyx-got-clowned]

i know i don’t look like a boy to you, but i am. A gay one too

My genuine reaction when a fic is strictly a female x *character*

It’s 2023 let the boys smooch pls 😔

DNI nsfw blogs!

#Gay #gay mlm #trans gay #gay t4t #Trans ftm #Trans boy #transgender dysphoria #gayboy #trans autistic #Onyx rants⭐️

[ghostampede]

was forced to try on a dress for a picnic tomorrow and got wild flashbacks to the day i fully realized i wasn’t cis. i had met a lot of actual trans people through the internet and thanks to already knowing i was bisexual and meeting said people, i was starting to realize things and actually understand what being transgender was beyond the simplified standard words what i was told as a child. i was also finally holding self confidence and had high self esteem after years of strange insecurities and self hate. we were going on a picnic and i was gonna wear a t shirt and jeans, i was happy with that and felt fufilled. my mother told me to wear a dress instead and pushed me to at least try it on, and i obliged without thinking much of it. the dress was blue and white striped with short sleeves, fitted around the waist and shaped to hang close to the legs. it was very feminine, very pretty, and i objectively looked great, which is why i was struggled to find a legitimate reason to tell my mother why i couldn’t wear it. i remember my mother and older sister talking about how i was growing into a beautiful young lady as i stared in the mirror and felt every version of Wrong possible. there was a pretty girl staring at me, but she wasn’t me. her hair was too long and her body was sticking out at the wrong points and she was shaped to be too soft looking and she was beautiful and she wasn’t me.it was at this moment that i remembered a term i had learned from a friend: gender dysphoria. it hit me like a fucking truck and maybe i jumped the gun a bit but everything from the last few months just clicked into place. it all just made sense, i was experiencing gender dysphoria and this literally wasn’t me. i was miserable for the rest of the day as we took photos and i tried to cope with my realization, it took me another two days of further research and reflection of all those odd moments in my life i couldn’t explain from the 6th grade boys poker table i secretly wanted to join but never did for unexplained reasons to my one guy friend i envied a little too much before i realized i was transgender at midnight. i was overjoyed for 30 minutes and then cried for an hour because this wasn’t going to be a side secret i could hide from my family, this was my entire personhood from my name to my appearance to my presentation. it’s been years and this time when i am forced to wear the dress, the familiar discomfort hurts just a little less because i know it’s not me and it’s dysphoric but i also have let myself love and accept the man i actually am, y’know? idk if that made sense but i love that story now, so woohoo transgender story time :’)

#transgender #dorian talks #trans masc #trans man #transgender man #transgender sweep #transmasculine #transmasc #gender dysphoria #transgender dysphoria #growth #flashback #rambles #story time #transgender story time

[touristclass]

#trans pride #transgender #transsexual #transgender support #lgbtqia #transisbeautiful #gender dysphoria #male to female #cross dressing #mtf trans #female gender identity

[schroedingers-faggot]

I would say being trans in early childhood was a genuinely traumatizing experience to me, I would every day rather be cis than trans, I wish for nothing more than being cis passing

but no matter how much I hate being trans, how much I hate my body, how much I hate dysphoria, how much I hate myself

I will always love being trans as a concept, I will always love transness. I will always love every single trans person for being trans. I will always love the fluidity and nuance of gender I was taught about by trans people. Trans is beautiful, trans is strong, trans is diverse, trans is important.

#rambling moss #rant #transgender #trans #transgender dysphoria #trans man #dysphoric trans #dysphoria

[malialadycolor]

I require some treats ✨

#mtf trans #mtf nsft #mtf hrt #mtf girl #transgender #transfem #feminine sissy #lgbtq #lgbt pride #transgirl #lgbtq community #adult human female #gender dysphoria #amazing body #positivity #photography