#to me i am just writing in a journal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

matildashoney · 2 years

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I'm a stranger to you but. are you alright? I mean you sound like you're very upset

I hope you feel peace soon

i'm not upset, i promise! just reflecting and writing down my feelings in my silly online journal. thank you for caring though!

#i know you meant well #but i laughed #because i forget that people read my posts #to me i am just writing in a journal #but like #on the internet #ask matildashoney #i got imagines for a heart #submit to matildashoney

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katabay · 6 months

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L'APPEL DU VIDE

okay so. jack! jack. what a collection of guys. the overlap between jack and the beanstalk and jack the giant killer, though. that sure is something! sometimes king arthur is there, which always takes me by surprise.

this. specifically. is an idea I've been kicking around. jack and the beanstalk is not a story I've ever enjoyed, as a kid it was probably my least favorite to read. as an adult, I was INTENSELY fascinated by reading j.g. ballard's the drowned giant. I think about it frequently, and somewhere during a re read of it, I ended up revisiting jack.

combining different versions of jack into one character is not a new concept, but it IS a fun one! the version I've been assembling together plays less with the fun elements of a jack story (and adjacent folklore stories), and focuses more on the potential for tragic elements with the addition of the usual grim and jagged narrative edges that I personally enjoy.

jack with the backstory of the devil and the three golden hairs, only jack doesn't find love, he's TIRED, all he wants to do is go home, but there isn't a home to go back to. what is the point of being born lucky if this is what it gets you? jack the giant killer, only he doesn't want to kill giants, jack who saw a body of a giant when he was a small child and cannot bring himself to do as a king commands. jack, who climbs up the beanstalk and stops halfway to look down. etc.

to go back to the drowned giant real quick, both to set the tone about jack seeing the body of a giant as a youth, and also because I've been haunted and obsessed with this excerpt of it ever since I read it:

J. G. Ballard, The Drowned Giant

anyway! this was originally like, a two illustration concept to get out of my system. however. I'm halfway through outlining a narrative. so. maybe it will also be several illustrations and also comic.

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost

#original tag #generic medieval tag #WAHOO. alright.#i dont have any additional commentary in the tags. reading the drowned giant years ago Did Something To Me #and it connected with whatever it was that made me dislike the jack and the beanstalk narrative (i know what it is. its just not really #all that relevant to this post. also im tired. its time for bed)#through the power of Why Not. i will now. turn it into a story????#i think. its definitely been taking up a lot of space in my mind lately #the only thing stopping me from turning it into my Side Project to do when i need a break from doing Bad Governance edits #is that. ive run out of notebooks???? to start a new story in. and i am Old and i only outline stuff by hand #eventually i'll get to daiso and pick up some new ones and work on this for real. until then. im going to continue to write about it #in my personal journal where i dump all my thoughts and ideas into

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aquickstart · 5 months

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one thing that's been talked about here and by creators and is obvious but still important to articulate (to me) is that oliver is not envious of the cattons because they are wealthier than him, necessarily. it's not about the money. or it is, but in a way that everything in life is about money: no matter how much you have, you kind of always want more, because want is a very strong driver. he's not coming from a place of poverty or any financial need at all, and he is not genuinely burning with the anger at the rich as a working-class guy constantly overpowered by them. there is no righteousness of the oppressed in his motives; sure, he "knows how to work", but to me—and this is, again, personal interpretation—the more important part is that the cattons "made it so easy" for him to take everything from them. it doesn't matter where oliver is coming from, ultimately (which is why he is so pointedly an upper middle class kid, quite comfortable, not a struggling genius he paints himself to be). for oliver, and for his audience, what matters is what he wants, not why he wants it; how badly he wants, how deep inside his own desire he is.

in short, it's not that the cattons had something he didn't have. it's just that they had something he wanted.

#saltburn #am i making any sense at all. be honest #like i make sense to myself. but.#this came about actually because i'm writing post-canon and it's important to me to detangle his logic #like. he wouldn't put an emphasis on how he got from his humble beginnings and got where he is in any way #i think for him more important would be that he got what he wanted so easily #like itd be more about intelligence in the moment than about being worthy. he thinks in primitive categories. i want i take. yk?#ah im just rambling again.#like this makes sense to me. but im not sure im articulating this riight #mine #saltburn journaling

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year

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Drew WWX and LWJ after I finished my rewatch of The Untamed a few months ago. I have gotten marginally better. May this set a benchmark for what to expect from this blog.

Edit: June 2023 redraw

#Poorly Drawn MDZS #MDZS #wei wuxian #Lan Wanji #there are a lot of great artists in this fandom. I am not one of them #I've always admired artists a lot so I wanted to try learning how to draw #And the only way to start is to draw a lot. Enter the audio drama (and my desire to listen to it guilt free)#doing both at once was my way of participating in my own fandom #as much as I wanted to be super social on the MDZS forums...I honestly got really nervous #I have nothing to contribute besides going 'cool!' to other people's art #Writing and historical/theory posts. It kinda felt worse than isolation...#That aside...I am just here to dump my silly comics and I expect absolutely nothing to come of it #I'm blogging like that lady from that julia child movie. about the cookbook. I forgot what its called. this is just a journal to me

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politemagic · 22 days

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dabbling in writing a little bit of slasher iii👀 it's not much, but i've had this idea for months and figured it's about time i did something with it. written while listening to deadrose by unprocessed. not necessary but it's currently topping my slasher iii song list

632 words

Time had muddled in their brain, they had no idea how long it had been since he’d disappeared from their sight, but they knew they were running out of time regardless. The rope binding their limbs had been tied with expert hands. As they struggled against their bonds, the rope’s grip only tightened, the fibers rubbing their wrists and ankles raw until it began to turn pink with their blood. Their eyes frantically searched the room for anything that might help them escape, but they found little that could be of assistance.

The room he imprisoned them in was almost entirely bare, save for a pile of discarded, bloody clothing heaped into the corner and the black journal the masked man always carried with him. When he left the room, the journal had fallen from his pocket, haphazardly forgotten by the door.

Their curious nature overtook them as they scooted across the grimy floor, nudging the cover open with their toe. Their blood ran ice cold as a pair of vibrant blue eyes stared back at them from the first page. A photograph of a handsome man was paperclipped to the page, partially obscuring what they knew were the events of the final hours of that man’s life. They felt bile creep up their throat as their eyes scanned across the page.

17:43 He believes crying will help him, that his tears will compel me to release him. It’s pathetic, really. I thought he would be stronger. But the tears make his eyes look so pretty, maybe I’ll keep him a little longer.

The horrors of the first page had done nothing to prepare them for the next, as they found those same vibrant blue eyes staring back at them, cold and devoid of life. They tried not to stare too long at dark red blood oozing from the gaping wound in his throat. The pages that followed were all the same format: a photograph of some poor unfortunate soul accompanied by a horrifically detailed account of their final moments, followed by another photo of their corpse. On some pages, he had even smeared blood across the page in vaguely artistic patterns.

As they flipped the final page, they bit down on their lip to stifle their scream as their own face smiled back from this book of horrors. Despite his poor attempt to crop the image before printing it, they could tell it was a screenshot from their Instagram, a photo they had posted in a moment of self-confidence. A photo that this deranged man would use to remember them by, a juxtaposition for the horrific photo they knew would occupy the next page soon enough.

The door creaked open, and they lifted their gaze from the photo to meet his darkened eyes, crinkled from the grin he hid beneath his mask.

“I see you’ve found my scrapbook,” The smile in his voice told them that he had always intended to drop the journal, that he wanted them to read it, to see what was in store for them.

He crouched before them, plucking the journal off the floor and thumbing through the pages before returning to the image of the blue-eyed man. He stroked the image tenderly with his index finger before turning it around to once again display the image of his lifeless corpse.

“He’s still my favorite, I think. But you… I believe you’ll be a close second,” His other hand gently traced the contours of their jaw. “You’re going to be my masterpiece, darling.”

He stood then, chuckling to himself as he tucked the book underneath his arm and spun on his heels, striding back out the door as they crumpled to the ground, terrified of what other sick games he might be playing with them.

#i can't look at this too long or it will never see the light of day so this is only kind of edited she's straight off the dome #is it a little more serial killer-y than slasher-y? maybe. am i gonna do anything about it? nah #i'm just obsessed with him wanting to remember his victims and be able to relive the things he did to them. idk man. idk.#he said “my therapist thought it would be good for me to start journaling!”#slasher iii you make me positively insane. you are sick and twisted and deranged and i desire you carnally.#anyway i have so many random slasher iii headcanons and i want to write them all but also this is def out of my wheelhouse #really don't know how i feel about it but i'm practicing! and that's good! that's how we learn and improve!#sleep token iii #slasher iii #sleep token fanfiction #em's stcu

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suddencolds · 22 days

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#delete later #another journal entry 📝 for the void #i have not been sleeping well for the past 2 wks 😵‍💫 i always wake up like clockwork after 5-6 hrs which feels like not nearly enough #i feel like i've done everything there is to do (consistent exercise + consistent sleep times + earplugs + weighted blanket + no caffeine)#last night i took melatonin too but no... same problem staying asleep 😭#ahh whatever. i'm just frustrated that it has to be this way :(#anyways in an act of spite i reread like the 4 wips that have been sitting in my drafts from the past few weeks #i think something that will never cease to surprise me about writing is that more effort/time doesn't necessarily translate to better #results; i suppose that's the case with all kinds of art but #it does feel somewhat unintuitive. one of my fav professors in uni said to not dismiss those 'lightning in a bottle' moments (in art) as #blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply #respect said something similar (wrt artistic rituals/setup). i have too many thoughts on writing and on my own creative processes and #weaknesses to fit into any number of tags here. :') that said...#*shakes ch2 draft* after everything i did and all the hours i spent WHY are you still so bad?!!! D: i am baffled and frustrated.#and why do i prefer this other [redacted] draft which i hammered out with utterly no regard towards the quality??#anyways. back to the drawing board i guess T.T

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vivitalks · 25 days

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what's up fellow jews, i have a question for you all here in the midnight hour of our chametz-free holiday:

reblog to get this in front of as many jews as possible <3

#stuff #judaism #passover #matzah #pesach #this poll brought to you by me journaling just now and using two different matzah spellings in one sentence #apparently i use matzo as an adjective and matzah as a noun. which is just so so funny not that i do that but that i didn't even realize #i was just subconsciously editing my own spelling according to part of speech #which is hilarious and also SO on brand for me i feel #polls #my polls #if i didnt include an obvious option I AM SORRY im only one jew #maybe there should be a 'i only write this word in hebrew' option idk idk

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anneapocalypse · 18 days

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No, JSTOR, I do not want a $20/mo JPASS subscription. I want to pay a flat fee to download and read the damn article.

#WHY IS EVERYTHING A SUBSCRIPTION #i know why. but i am going to Complain.#i even looked into ordering a physical copy of the journal issue. they wanted $30.#which is making me seriously consider the $20. fuck me.#i do not have An Institution to log in with jstor i left academia years ago #i am just an overinvested fanfiction writer who enjoys research a normal amount #can i have a little academic writing. as a treat.#writing stuff

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itstimeforstarwars · 2 months

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My diary when I was a teenager: I am so angry and this is where I put my rage about how the world is ending and how mad I am about it and how much I hate politicians and the school board

My diary now: here is a recounting of what I did today as well as how I feel about some of the news from today, so that in twenty years when everyone is lying about how the 2020s went I have proof that I'm not insane.

#chit chat #it really hasn't changed much except that I am now writing about the context of the wider world #because so much of my teenage diary was 'i am so mad about what's going on in the world!!! how can they do this!!!'#and older me is like 'hm. what WAS? going on in the world?' and then i have to go look up the news for that day #which feels harder to do now than it did back then #so now im adding context so that when im forty i can be like 'yeah! how could they let this happen!' in solidarity with my younger self #also my grandmother worked at a museum for twenty years so now im actively trying to be helpful to whoever ends up with these things #cuz i won't have kids to pass them onto but some random archivist might think they’re interesting #I've been heavily inspired by dykes to watch out for and how like half the strips are just responding to the news #lol #sometimes i wish i could be less fucking weird but unfortunately i have been Like This since at least the seventh grade #i took one elective journalism class and it was all over for me

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taleweaver-ramblings · 2 months

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If I ever get my hands on a time machine, the first thing I am going to do is find whichever individuals are responsible for the misconceptions that you have to be a journalist to be a good writer and that every writer likes journalism. And then I am going to shake those people so hard they each break at least one tooth. And I am not going to apologize for it.

#I hate those two ideas so much #I thought I'd shaken them by now #escaped everyone who kept shoving them at me #and then I turn around #and my dragon-kissed grad school class is spouting the same dragon-kissed bushwa #if I wanted to be a journalist #I would be a dragon-kissed journalist #but I DON'T #I wasted half my life thus far thinking my writing-career-options were 'be a full time novelist and be happy but make no money'#and 'be a journalist and be miserable and make just enough to live on'#it took until storming HIGH SCHOOL for anyone to tell me otherwise. until COLLEGE for me to discover just how many writing careers there ar #to be clear: I have the utmost respect for journalism as a career and for journalists as writers and investigators #the world would be a worse place without them #but that is not a path I want any part of #I would be a terrible (TERRIBLE) journalist #and I am filled with rage every time someone tries to shove me towards that career or that type of writing #I am aware that I'm basically throwing a temper tantrum #I apologize #but I am storming SICK OF IT and I still have SEVEN WEEKS of this DRAGON-KISSED BLACK-BURNT RUST-RIDDEN CLASS #why the black-burnt honey-buttered dragon-eaten pumpernickel did I think grad school was a good idea??????#taleweaver speaks #taleweaver rants #grad school

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coquelicoq · 3 months

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i've gotten so used to my daily practice of reading french aloud that now when i have to read something boring in english for work i default to reading it aloud. which takes way longer and also i feel like i retain even less information than i would otherwise, somehow. the upside is that my oral reading cadence in english, even of dense scientific articles, is rather excellent nowadays. i could read scientific articles out loud for a living, if that was a thing people needed me to do. which they do not, because screenreaders are a thing. maybe i could read crusty PDFs out loud for a living? but anyway all this is to say shoutout to my man alexandre dumas and also my other man victor hugo for training me to read run-on sentences in my second language. after that, dry journal articles in my first language are easy peasy.

#this practice is giving me some insights that are relevant to my actual job though #i mean we already knew this but. try reading your sentences out loud. can someone understand them without seeing them?#if not...your sentence may be too complex and may need to be broken up into multiple sentences.#my clients have to write complicated shit in a readable manner and one of my coworkers had this whole #initiative for a while just trying to get them to write shorter sentences. but they completely ignored him lol #reading out loud also helps you catch typos. i caught so many in this published journal article just now (embarrassing for them)#i probably would have caught most of them if i had read it silently but you never know #it's really interesting to me that i think this skill of parsing syntax on the fly to modulate sentence-level prosody in french #seems to transfer to english. i mean that i've been practicing reading french aloud and it seems to have made me better at #reading english aloud too even though french and english have different syntax and punctuation conventions.#so that's convenient #french #syntax #prosody #my posts #i cannot believe i STARTED this daily practice with the count of fucking monte-cristo. way to start on hard mode. jesus #and then followed it up with les misérables of all things. am i a masochist??#don't answer that.

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ordonianhero · 1 year

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“Complicated”

Wind: why doesn’t rancher speak about relationship stuff. I know he says it’s complicated. But- like does anyone actually know why?

Warriors: you know, I don’t think any of us truly know.

Time: *staying quiet and sipping his tea*

Sky: you know don’t you? *looking to Time*

Time: hm, if he wants to talk about he will or he won’t. That’s up to him.

Warriors: was it that bad?

Time: *sets his cup down* he said himself. “A princess that was so beautiful, it shattered his heart.” Friends and loved one will always come and go from our lives through time.

Legend: yeah. *sadly looking down as he carves a bird out of wood*

Time: think we all been there in some way or another.

Wind: champion do you know?

Wild: oh me, ah. Well no. But it pains me to see him look so down cast during the hour of twilight.

Twilight: *returns from patrolling* what’s with all the glum faces?

Time: *pats a seat beside him, Which twilight takes* nothing to worry bout pup. Think others are just curious about your statement you made a long while back about a certain princess.

Twilight: oh. *cough* yeah. It’s complicated. Still sorting that all out.

Four: that’s understandable, we don’t mean to pry into something you’re not ready to talk about.

Twi: *softly chuckles and sighs* yeah.

In Times journal he has written from his conversation with Twilight:

Those tears falling down his face, staining his cheeks, preventing his words,

They are not just because he is sad.

No, rather they are full of all his emotions.

The ones the words tells him to bottle up, shove down, hide away.

It’s his confidence

His desperation

His embarrassment.

But most of all-

Those tears are his anger.

He knows what he wants to say, what he wants to shout.

His mouth just will not form the words, no matter how hard he tries.

His tears are full of unspoken phases, evidence of his broken heart and the anger he holds inside.

Ones I know far to well. When someone we love and care about leave. With no return in sight. To be left wondering, “what if” and grieving that loss.

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

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foreverppl · 9 months

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Part of the reason Amais doesn't let anyone look at their songwriting notebook is because it contains a plethora of journal entries that are varying degrees of pitiful.

#amais is a glutton for punishment it's true #writing this was what inspired them to start writing 'one to bleed'#i wish for the life of me that i could draw but alas i cannot and so i will stick to lyrics/journal entries and moodboards #i am not decided yet about whether i want amais's feelings towards seven to be romantic or not #in general i think amais is someone who doesn't mind friendships where the line between platonic and romantic is pretty blurry #but i'd say for rn he just misses his friend. desperately.#anyway i am so excited for amais to go off the deep end they are already so close and the show only just started #mc: amais rena (infamous)#edit #infamous if #seven lawless #if: infamous #txt.me

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kevin-sedai · 6 months

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The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage

#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it #tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5 #i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing #spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time #spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation #got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing'#which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old #which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid #but that made me feel really shitty #spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus #and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses #which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one?#which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here #but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl #they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read #i'm so sorry everyone #i'll try to be better #i just had to put this out somewhere #and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it #anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow #i'm sorry guys #i really am😔

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crowncursed · 30 days

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"Dear Diary, Are you still giving me the silent treatment? I said I was sorry for letting Gunter eat your pages! What else do you want from me???" There's a large gap between entries.

"Haha, oopsie, got a little crazy there. So, heard any juicy secrets lately?" There's a small doodle of him laying on his bed, kicking his feet, writing with a small heart shaped pen, as he waits for the diary's response.

#( 👑 ice king. in character )#( i'm back #( this blog is still going to be on low activity bc school but i miss writing #( so you dont have to write with me but I am going to use this as like. ice king journal entries #( and short interactions of him being a silly guy #( and simon too but im not confident in writing simon again yet so just ice king for now

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orcelito · 5 months

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The good news: I will have Chinese food tomorrow

The bad news: I have to see my mom as part of it :[

#speculation nation #negative/#i guess. i Am complaining.#i did agree to this. better to rip the bandaid off ahead of the family christmas.#but i havent talked to her since like... jeeze. i really think it's been over 2 years by this point now.#ignored all her calls and texts and Letters even #like what am i supposed to say? heyyy ma nice to see you (i guess). why havent i called? well uhhhhh #even in her letter she sent me it was essentially a nearly illegible journal she kept during a depressing as fuck time #something that really shouldve stayed as a journal. but no she wrapped it up stuck a sticker on it and drew some nail polish on the envelope #i am her child and yet she was using me as a therapist. venting things and In The Letter saying she didnt know why she said them #like. mom. you know you dont have to send me everything you write right? you know you can start over right?#but no she just writes with no filter. no consideration for me.#because she's a sad sad woman who sees her children as the only things worth living for #and i do say things. she doesn't fucking care about me as a person.#she just misses the experience of being these little impressionable people's Everything.#no one puts up with her bullshit these days and how sad is that?#so. well. that's the kind of reason why i havent talked to her. bc she's a fucking drain just to be around.#but shes my mother yada yada and something in me still feels maybe even slightly socially obligated to see her #really though i just want to see her Side of the family. i miss them. i haven't seen them in too long.#and in order to see them i have to see her. and i decided itd be best to see her ahead of time #so that family xmas is. at least slightly less awkward. hopefully.#what am i supposed to do if she tries to hug me or something? i dont want to hug her.#either she'll be all weepy that i havent been talking to her or she'll try to act like nothing's changed at all.#or maybe both. who knows. either way itll be entirely about her. as it always is.#i just need to make sure i dont end up alone with her #so long as my sister or grandma are there too she wont be As insufferable. hopefully.

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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