#tl;dr being worried = totally understandable

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for secretly following my then best friend home?

(tw alcohol abuse, probably suicidal tendencies)

I know this sounds really awful right away but bear with me. Also this is probably going to get long, sorry in advance

tl;dr I followed a guy i was friends with and had a crush on home after an argument, even after he asked me not to come to his house, bc i was worried he might hurt himself.

Last summer I (20f) moved to the US for college. I didn’t know anyone outside of college and overall I was mostly on my own which was getting a bit lonely tbh. So I was very glad when I met this guy (21m) at a party of one of my acquaintances. We got along right away and he ended up giving me his number. After that we continued talking regularly and also meeting up every now and then and overall it was a lot of fun.

At some point I started developing feelings for him but prepared myself to just wait it out and not tell him bc I knew that he liked having a very active sex life and felt like he probably wouldn’t be interested in something serious at that time.

After a few months however, he began to behave in some ways that made me pretty worried honestly. I had known that he liked to go out and party but I hadn’t known to what extent. Apparently he would get totally blackout drunk at least once a week, sometimes more than that and then he would text me or call me in the middle of the night but often I genuinely couldn’t understand what he was saying. Sometimes he would just call me like that at any time of day, crying, saying that I was his only real friend, the only person he felt safe talking to and so on. On the one hand I knew that that wasn’t healthy behaviour at all but on the other hand my crush on him kept getting worse bc who doesn’t like to feel needed.

On other occasions, he would just randomly do reckless and stupid things like one time we went to a museum and he started arguing with the guard over not being able to take any pictures and we almost got kicked out. Afterwards he laughed it off but honestly it made me feel pretty uneasy. (I didn’t tell any of my other friends about that btw, they only knew that I was seeing this guy but wasn’t dating him.)

He has told me some things about his childhood which I don’t want to share here bc he did tell me that confidentially and although this is anonymous I still don’t feel comfortable telling random people on tumblr about it. But it is severe enough for me to believe that his upbringing and the things he lived through definitely contributed to the issues that he has now. I can say that he didn’t have a great time at home bc he is bi and while homosexuality isn’t illegal in his country, it isn’t really accepted either. Also it’s generally expected that children, especially boys, dedicate their entire life to having a successful and lucrative career and then start a family and he wasn’t really in the right place to do either of that (and he didn’t want to).

He also has been facing a lot of problems and racism here bc he is a poc immigrant from a country that isn’t in good standing with the US. So while I don’t pretend I know what he’s feeling, I imagine that all of these things would affect him quite a lot.

Now I actually get to the incident that is the reason for me to send this (it rly did get long TT but I want to make everything as clear as possible).

A few weeks ago we were just hanging out, it was all pretty chill and we just sat down to eat and talk etc. It had been quite a difficult week for me, also college wise, and I felt like I really had to talk to him about him calling me at night and while I’m in class and all that. So I said as nicely as I could smth like “I don’t want to seem overbearing but have you ever thought about maybe seeing a therapist bc I don’t think what you do is healthy in the long run and I’m not a professional who can properly help you.” He immediately got really snappy and defensive, saying that he “couldn’t fucking afford a therapist and even if I could, all they do is squeeze the money out of you and they don’t give a fuck about your feelings.” I was pretty shocked tbh and responded by saying “well if you really think this badly about therapists you should clearly see one” which was probably too harsh of me but I just couldn’t help myself at that moment. He then said “oh yeah?? I’d rather die than tell any of my shit to a total stranger. But you’ve probably already told yours bc you’re all so fucking dependant on them anyway.” and then he stormed off. (Just to be clear, I don’t have a therapist bc I don’t have any issues that require one.)

I was really scared at that point bc I thought that he might do something to himself (he had said stuff like “I wish I just wasn’t here sometimes” before) so I started following him which I now think was extremely weird and creepy of me but I just didn’t think it through in that situation. He walked for about 10 minutes to a house which I assumed was where he lived (I had never been at his place before bc he always said he lived in a bad neighborhood and didn’t want me to come there) and I stood outside for like another 10 minutes thinking abt what to do bc I realized that this had been totally stupid, also it started to get dark and it really was a bad neighborhood. I ended i up calling him and telling him where I was and he let me in. He was pretty angry but mostly at the fact that I had put myself in such a dangerous situation and he let me spend the night at his place.

We actually got together not long after that and as of now, we’re dating. I know it’s not an ideal situation and probably not the most healthy one but I have been able to keep him from drinking himself into oblivion all the time bc we spend most evenings together now so I think that’s a good thing. I don’t know where things will go from here and I don’t have the illusion that i can “fix him” or anything but so far it’s been pretty good and I really do love him a lot so I just hope it will all turn out for the best. I just still feel guilty for lowkey (or actually highkey) stalking him when he explicitly asked me not to come to his house but it was out of genuine worry for him so idk if it makes me an asshole, I guess I’ll let tumblr decide that for me.

🌃🎀🍨 for finding later

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[bobparkhurst]

a totally unbiased (no) and mostly serious (i guess) spoiler-free primer

I've seen a bunch of posts floating around encouraging people into the fandom, or HBO War people looking for a new fandom/show to sink their teeth into. Here's my effot to add to the propaganda, because I've been in this fandom since Nov '22, it's delightful here and I always love a new SASRH friend to chat to.

tl;dr: it's a lot of fun

premise & setting

SAS: Rogue Heroes is the story of the founding of the original* Special Air Service (SAS) of the British Army during WW2. It centres three of the initial founders, David Stirling, Blair 'Paddy' Mayne and Jock Lewes. Two of other men credited as founding the SAS, Bill Fraser and Georges Bergé also feature. Bill Stirling, David's older brother and integral to the founding of the SAS, will feature in series 2.

Series 1 is 6 episodes long, covering events from the North African campaign from May '41 through Jan '43. Series 2 has been filmed and will move the action to Europe.

Based largely on the book, SAS: Rogue Heroes by Ben Macintyre.

*it was disbanded in Oct '45, and reformed in '47, ultimately leading, through various machinations, to the modern day SAS.

historical accuracy

Somewhat more fast and loose with history than Band of Brothers, The Pacific or Masters of the Air, but not bad enough to send historians spiralling into deep despair, with one very important caveat: the depiction of Paddy Mayne. More on him and this in a moment. However, it has generally been well received. Damien Lewis (the author and historian, not the actor) said "...it's reasonably realistic. It tells a great yarn. I think they've used some artistic license, I can understand why they've done so to a certain extent... Generally they've got the equipment and the kit bang on, I think they had some very good advisers." (here)

There are some weird timeline issues, which I think is caused largely by odd pacing and editing. I'd not worry about this too much, otherwise you'll break your brain. Likewise, liberties have been taken with the geography, which I think is a bit more heinous, but ymmv.

characters: lads lads lads lads lads

after the first four, these are in no order of importance, before anyone gets on at me about their favourite. i also appreciate there are other characters but this bit was already getting really long.

david stirling (connor swindells) - the dreamer

Arrogant, manipulative, clever, charismatic bastard. David Stirling is fueled chiefly by daddy issues and an inferiority complex a mile wide. Connor Swindells walks a beautiful line between swagger and vulnerability. He does not let things like "common sense", "safety precautions" or "understanding the implications" get in the way of doing important things like flinging himself out of a plane in the middle of the desert or talking his way into army bases armed with nothing but crutches and chutzpah.

blair 'paddy' mayne (jack o'connell) - the madman

Paddy Mayne my BELOVED. Character of all time. He's a drinker, a fighter and abhors a bully. For most of the show, we see him at his most desperate and most angry and arguably most violent. HOWEVER, he's also a highly intelligent, sensitive, compassionate poet and voracious reader; if there's a bunch of poetry being quoted, it's probably Paddy doing it. He loves so very deeply. His depiction in the show is a bit of a bone of contention with family and historians - some people read him as being depicted as a violent thug only, and that's not what the real Blair Mayne was like. Which is simultaneously true and not true. Blair Mayne was an incredibly complicated man.

The other contentious-to-some point is that the show does deliberately suggest his queerness, something Jack O'Connell has talked about in interviews. Some people have taken issue with this. Either way, for those who saw the sand wrestling gifs and wanted to know if SASRH was just queerbaiting, the answer is no, actually. But don't expect anything explicit on this front.

Jack O'Connell looks like he's having a fucking fantastic time.

jock lewes (alfie allen) - the creator

In real life, Jock Lewes was nicknamed "The Wizard", how great is that? David, Paddy and David met in training and are referred to in show as "the Three Musketeers". He is basically the mediator between Paddy and David, which sounds dull, except Jock is also batshit and clever and scary. He makes all the lads do intense marches in the desert without water, but is never willing to ask someone to do what he wouldn't do. Trouble is, as mentions, he is batshit so his standards are VERY VERY HIGH. He also has a fiancee, Mirren, whomst he loves very much and their relationship is so tender and brings me to tears on the regular.

eve mansour (sofia boutella)

Eve works for French Military Intelligence and quietly drives a lot of action behind the scenes. She's a totally fictional invention for the show and I'd be madder about it if Sofia Boutella wasn't being gorgeous and smart all over the place. She is focused on the goal and is generally just. Queen.

dudley clarke (dominic west)

Not so much a member of the SAS as the guy who helps Stirling bring this plan to fruition. He's great fun, charming and affable, and just as dangerous as anyone else. Dudley Clarke doesn't get enough credit, I think.

mike sadler (tom glynn-carney)

Mike Sadler my OTHER beloved. I joke about Mike coming to fix all the stuff around my flat that doesn't work and it's because he's singlehandedly the most competent member of the entire SAS, I think. His introduction scene is the sexiest thing on the entire show. He only gets introduced in episode 3, but in my heart we have six seasons and a movie with him. He's a member of the Long Range Desert Group and knows more about navigating the landscape than anyone. The LRDG are barely part of the show (save for Mike) and are well worth looking up.

IRL Mike Sadler actually only passed away this year, at the age of 103.

eoin mcgonigal (dónal finn)

Most of what Eoin's around for in SAS: RH is to hang out being impossibly beautiful and being ride or die for Paddy Mayne. Dónal Finn and Jack O'Connell created the most beautiful relationship told in touches. Drives me mad. He's also the first one who really understands who Paddy is beyond the brash and violent front. Eoin McGonigal is certainly a creature.

bill fraser, johnny cooper, reg seekings, jim almonds, dave kershaw, pat riley

(stuart campbell, jacob mccarthy, theo barklem-biggs, corin silva, bobby schofield, jacob ifan)

Look, there are a lot of lads and I can't do them all justice. Some of these folks get a lot more to do than the others, and they're all distinct characters in their own right. There are two matched set duos, Reg & Johnny (enemies to lovers, 150k) and Jim & Pat (do not seperate). Jim & Pat were Jock's crew prior to the SAS and the way he gets them to join is basically by saying "hey, there's a really stupid and dangerous thing i want to do, you in?" and they do this:

each and every one of them is as bad as the others.

augustin jordan, georges bergé, andré zirnheld

Free French paratroopers, who Stirling is reluctantly forced into accepting into the SAS by Eve and Clarke. TBF, this is where SAS: RH really starts playing with history, though it serves the narrative well enough. Show!Augustin Jordan was a former professor of Philosophy at La Sorbonne, and is also a tall dark haired man, so you can see how Paddy Mayne is gonna struggle.

I had to use the sand wrestling gif here (that's augustin), you've probably seen it. It's a surprisingly interesting character scene, would you believe.

There are several other named characters, but I'm running out of energy.

other stuff

OK, so I've lost my thread here a bit. SAS: Rogue Heroes is fun, first and foremost. It really does fall down on the side of "Cool Boys Doing War", so if that's not your thing, maybe you'll not enjoy it. I personally do. And I think it does have some further depth to it than that, even if that's where it comes back to. I've never seen Peaky Blinders, but apparently it's a bit like that? IDK.

While it's very violent, I don't think it's as brutal as the HBO War shows. It's a much more heightened kind of drama, so there's a step removal I think, from the really visceral. That said, it's still a war drama, and it does feature some very nasty business.

soundtrack

it's mostly hard rock and if you don't like this, idk what to tell you. i fucking love it. once again though, mike sadler gets the best of this. you'll know it when you see it.

the fandom

The SAS Rogue Heroes fandom is small but it is mighty and it genuinely is very friendly. There is a Discord if you like, but you don't have to do it if Discord is not your thing.

While the overriding popular ship is Paddy/Eoin, Paddy/Augustin and Reg/Johnny are also wildly popular. That said, we are fond of a rarepair in this fandom, and I personally have embarked on a mission of shipping Mike Sadler with every other character. Everyone's very encouraging of wild ideas and aus, anything's welcome.

A few people are writing OCs, and that too is great. I encourage more of that! I don't think I've seen any x Reader yet, but never say never.

Come join us!

a brief suggested further reading

you really don't have to do any of this, but like, some of you are nerds, i get it. i also got a lot of other recs, but these are some good starters. you can hit me up for more, it's all good.

SAS: Rogue Heroes by Ben Macintyre

SAS Brothers in Arms: Churchill's Desperadoes - Damien Lewis

SAS: An Illustrated History of the SAS - Joshua Levine

Speed, Aggression, Surprise: The Untold Secret Origins of the SAS - Tom Petch

One of the Originals: Story of a Founder Member of the S.A.S. - Anthony Kemp & Johnny Cooper (Johnny Cooper's memoir and imo, if you read nothing else, read this)

The Phantom Major: The Story of David Stirling & the SAS Regiment - Virginia Cowles (this was written in 1958. There is a "rebuttal" biog, The Phoney Major by Gavin Mortimer, which also contains a lot of info, but I find Mortimer's bias against Stirling incredibly difficult to stomach. Difficult.)

Paddy Mayne - Hamish Ross (honestly, I'd not bother with other biogs of Blair Mayne unless you want to do a lot of reading around and getting cross)

Special Forces Brothers in Arms: Eoin & Ambrose McGonigal - Patric McGonigal (this is so personal and so beautiful, I cried several times reading it. written by Eoin's great-nephew. Ambrose, Eoin's older brother was part of the SBS, Special Boat Service, who are ALSO very interesting)

Gentleman Jim: The Wartime Story of a Founder of the SAS and Special Forces - Lorna Almonds-Windmill (another biog by a family member, this one is gentle and told with love)

Joy Street: A Wartime Romance in Letters - the published correspondence between Jock Lewes and Mirren Barford. A slightly different kind of book, but gosh. It really hits.

...and that's all I got for you right now. I could talk about this show for days though.

(forgot to add: my SAS RH blog is @regseekings, I posted this on here for the HBO war fandom)

#sas rogue heroes #i'm very tired now #i'm gonna go get a sandwich #sasrh reading list #sas: rogue heroes #Youtube

[archivalofsins]

Q6: Is there a prisoner you aren’t fond of?

Kazui: To be honest, that'd be Kashiki-chan as well. She shows me things I’m not that fond of seeing.

TL;DR: Kazui is the type that states he was lying to protect others, Yuno is the type who'd say, "I was just being honest" in the face of those she's hurt. Despite being incredibly similar, they were bound to rub each other the wrong way at times because the way they execute things and conduct themselves is so fundamentally different.

It's really not surprising to me that Kazui answered, "Is there a prisoner he's not fond of?" with Kashiki, Yuno. Even though they are the most similar, they are also the antithesis of each other when it comes to implementation.

Yuno believes that, above all, it's more important to be honest to herself. Regardless of if that hurts her or those around her. She won't be bothered to deal with things she doesn't want to or smile for others when she doesn't feel like smiling.

A mindset that she has in a way pushed on others within Milgram including Kazui himself.

20/08/02

Mahiru: Yeah, I’m asking for what you like in the opposite sex! I mean, with a lifestyle like this we have a lot of free time, right? So earlier when I was talking with all the other girls we got onto the topic! It’s not often you get a chance like this to live with a mix of men and women together, so I thought it might be nice to use the chance to talk about stuff like this in preparation for when we leave.

Kazui: Ah…… Haha, I understand. I can see that’d be the sort of thing girls your age would be interested in, huh. How peaceful. What I like in the opposite sex… I don’t know if what I say will really be a good reference for you…… Ah, you know, since I’m at this age. I like a girl who can just smile free of worries. Seeing that’d make my old, tired heart feel young again.

Yuno: Uh-huh, I see, I see. ……that’s a total lie, right?

Kazui: Haha…… Give me a break here. You sure don’t make things easy for people, Kashiki-chan.

Because Yuno can't understand why someone else would bother with lying or putting on airs for the comfort of others or even themselves. She'd rather things be out in the open for what they are instead of needing to label them as good or bad.

This is something she tries to enforce with others she's interested in or views slightly favorably as well regardless of whether she recognizes she's doing it or not.

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want, though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about?I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone, too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

Her thought process probably being this person is alright, but they'd be better if they stopped concerning themselves with the thoughts of others or even their own and just did what they wanted to do. Because through not regarding anyone's feelings even hers Yuno has been able to free herself from needing to interrogate whether her actions are good or bad and instead just look at them as things she did that cannot be changed.

This is why she's so quick to draw to attention that Kazui lies to protect himself, but she does it for nothing. Because no one is important to her, not even herself. By removing herself and others from that discussion, she doesn't have to face the thought that these things did matter to her and influence her choices.

Because taking those things into consideration would ultimately ammount to labeling her choices or the outcome of them as good or bad. Something that could lead to regrets. Which,

Q.17 Do you have anything you regret?

Yuno: Regretting things achieves nothing, don’t you think?

If Kazui said the truth is what killed someone, Yuno's very existence embodies that idea. Along with her constant subtle pushing for individuals whom she probably likes to be more honest with themselves. Yuno to Kazui is a daily reminder of the harm being too honest can cause.

It's Yuno because even though I doubt she's being this way with any ill intent, she can be too forward and pushy when it comes to others living in an honest way. Because she believes that being honest and true to herself is what's most important regardless of her or anyone else's feelings/safety.

Just like her namesake implies,

Q.04 What’s the origin of your name?

Yuno: It means to be kind and true to myself.

[TN: Literal meaning of the kanji 優 (yu) and 乃 (no) respectively which make up her name.]

Kazui is shown to dislike this approach of doing things within his second trial voice drama. He also calls Yuno out for being uncaring and self-absorbed during her birthday. Asking why she's helping Shidou care for Mahiru despite her seeming generally disinterested in the well-being and safety of those around her. He's very forward about it or as forward as he can be. He recognizes that Yuno is cold and inconsiderate towards everyone in the pursuit of living in a way true to herself.

So, even though they are the most similar, they are also the most different. Just like in regards to Futa and Kotoko.

To put it very simply, Kazui is the type that claims he was lying to protect others, Yuno is the type who'd say, "I was just being honest" in the face of those she's hurt. Making them both very similar but incredibly likely to rub each other the wrong way at times.

#milgram #kazui mukuhara #yuno kashiki

[beesmygod]

old hunters DLC also highlights some themes of colonial violence and exploitation too, imo. what’s been done to the fishing village and kos ties the beast thing up with this idea that like, the impulse to Conquer and Dominate another leads directly to the Curse. It’s not enough to understand the old ones and the blood and all that, they needed to control it, to take it for themselves, and exploit it however they can. And now there’s wolfmans everywhere.

And this is in the core gameplay loop itself, we extract all the vials and blood echos and blood gems that we can in order to become strong enough to conquer more and more powerful prey. When we’re hit, we hit back harder and take back the life that was taken for us. Sure it’s ostensibly to Break the Curse and seek Paleblood and all that, but we know why we’re really doing it. Because it’s sick as hell, and feels awesome to best these monsters. The old hunters knew that too, and it turns them into giant horse creatures unable to do anything besides violence. That thirst for violence and power makes hunters turn into beasts, now only functioning as a cog in a perpetual violence machine. They lose their humanity not through repeated death like in Dark Souls, but through taking life. It turns the characters into monsters, and the players into wiki editors and lore theorists (aka monsters) bc we also can’t let go of the feeling Bloodborne gives us.

Tl;dr: Bloodborne is like if Spec Ops had any subtlety or desire to leave itself up to interpretation (probably helped by the fact that very little of what I’m talking about is likely intentional and I’m just insane)

OKAY im back from my appointment and finished my little treat. anon ("anon" @chicknparm who should get credit for these good thoughts) i could not agree more. i mentioned this in a previous post but finding a strand of commentary about the evils of colonialism made me worried i was becoming dangerously online, but it's a relief to see someone else mention this idea. i think you are absolutely right that one of the overt messages in bloodborne is that spilling blood for your own benefit leads to ruin. its actually kind of shocking how, in spite of the combat being the draw to these games, the message of most fromsoft games is a message of anti-violence. like, how many times do we end up fighting something that, in hindsight, needed to be put out of its misery. oh. shit. thinking about it, our player character is explicitly an outsider. the role of hunter of hunter is filled by outsiders...

also lol you are so right about the wiki based insanity but i think that's the consequences of insight poisoning. literally every once in a while while trying to edit this stupid bloodborne doc i think to myself "oooeergg too many eyes" and take a break for a few days

anyway, turning this back around to the colonialism theme, hear us out ok: watching/reading the sekiro lore videos/posts by shetani of shetani's lair helped introduce a lot of esoteric buddhist and shinto concepts that were totally novel and unknown to be as a baka gaijin. now these ideas are impossible not to see in all of from's other works.

i did a few days of research on "shinshi" (mostly a lot of stuff that turned out to not be relevant, but interesting) after becoming aware of them and found they shared a lot of qualities with the augurs (or "phantasms", invertebrates that act as intermediaries to the great ones) of bloodborne. realizing this, i thought about the great ones not in the context of a christian god, as the MODERN yharnam does, but as kami. kami are numerous, everywhere, hidden, and are thought of as actively controlling or influencing the terrestrial world. the re-translation reveals that the "great pthumeru chalice" had some nuance lost in translation: "祀る - Means to enshrine or worship, but has connotations of doing it to appease spirits so they may reach nirvana or Buddhahood and avoid becoming evil"; this is simply translated to "deify" which is technically correct but the original feels like it's much more pointed about finally revealing to the player that the "gods" as we've been lead to believe them to be are not what they seem.

the healing church, a product of georgian to victorian era western beliefs, razed pthumeru, loran, isz, and the fishing village (and probably yahar'gul too) in the quest to become like their newly discovered gods. the framework by which they related to pthumerian culture was completely wrong and misunderstood the nature of "gods" as all knowing or all powerful and, thus, something aspirational. the reality was more that they are just another type of creature in the world with different limitations than a human. and they're still mortal.

[derpylittlenico]

the following brought to you by Shower Thoughts tm tm tm

a "whump but not actually" not-fic? fic idea? whatever.

...

ok, so.

we know stiles is a pending accident on long legs. this isn't a secret.

but what if some member of the pack (maybe a mother henning Scott? or curious Allison? hell, maybe goddamn Isaac being a nosy bitch) accidentally catches a glimpse of a shirtless Stiles, and. just. bruises. bruises all over. from nip to goddamn hip.

cue...whoever...losing their shit via mass text to everyone else in the pack, because??? je m'fuhkin escuse? thu fucc??

I mean they are understandably Worried, bc those are so not lacrosse bruises. they would have seen that shit happen, and definitely heard about it too, because Stiles is unafraid to whine loudly, at great volume...well, unless he's actually hurt. so the fact that he's said nothing?

they are totally having guilt spirals, wondering is Grumpy Brows was right about wolves being too rough to be safe around humans, and is that why didn't he say anything??? bc he's spiteful and didn't want have to admit maybe Derek was right? bc omg, he'd totally not mention deep tissue bruising just to spite Derek.

(cue lots of Scott hand wringing and worried frowns. maybe even Derek staring melodramatically out of windows too dusty for even him to see out of bc he's Like That)

only?

......yeah, no, that's not what's going on, at all.

bc, see, Stiles is friends with the ladies from the Jungle. They are his best bitches, and he's learned not to bitch about a few minor bruises after hanging around people who routinely put on staggeringly tight compression tights and five inch high heels. Never mind the plucking and waxing.

It only took one Amateur Drag Night for him to learn to "suck it up, buttercup."

but anyway. they are his besties from other people's testes, and so drag his happy ass into shenanigans as often as possible.

...which includes pole classes at the local rec center, Thurs afternoons and every other Sunday evening.

and yeah, the bribe of free food following a two hour Lady Guhgah boogy sesh in short shorts is a nice bribe, but he doesn't really need to be bribed to hang out with them. They're a fuhkin blast to hang out with, and have some Stories.

(and also don't ignore him when he asks if they think he could be attractive to gay guys)

and ofc, though he only came for the good music and better company, he'd still put his entire ass into it and get really good at it. bc, as the queens have taught him, if he's not serving absolute cunt when the opportunity arises, why even bother.

but before all that, while he's still learning?

he'd bruise.

a lot. like? a lot a lot a lot.

bc the thing tv and movies don't tell you about pole dancing is that part of the trick is training your skin to kinda...stick? suction on? to the pole like Cameron Diaz stuck to the car windshield in That One Scene in The Counselor.

(but he doesn't talk about that movie. or that scene. bc some things just need to be forgotten.)

tl, dr?

in those early days, while he was still clenching more than clinging, in between getting dumped on his dump-truck, he admittedly looks like he's been PvPing the Hulk for funsies. Or picking fights with Creepy Grandpa Argent. Or just, like, generally slamming himself into walls.

so yeah.

"whump but not," bc the pack is scrambling to find a way to have an intervention over Stiles hiding injuries, bc he forgot to mention he and Jizz Taylor and Gloria Hole and Bicurious Georgia have decided to learn pole technique alongside Natalie Martin, a few bikers from the local biker bar, and Stiles' 55 yr old neighbor.

#teen wolf meta #stiles stilinski #the jungle drag queens (teen wolf) #brotp queelinski #the mchale pack #not fic #i wanted to make this stargent or steter bc i am trash but it got away from me #i g it can be there if you squint

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

Hi, so I just read your post on your experiences as an aro person and it was really impactful for me. I’m still a teenager so I’m figuring things out but I’ve never really had a crush or liked anyone romantically and I feel like I’m aro but I don’t really know whether I can define myself in that way yet because what if I’m still too young to know? Then there’s my sexual orientation which I’m clueless about but that’s fine because I know I probably am too young to know that yet. To add to that, my friends are all queer and a lot of the fandoms I’m in are quite queer and I’m afraid that if I did end up being aro and heterosexual I wouldn’t be accepted as being queer or that I can’t call myself queer. I’m also realm afraid of being lonely when I’m older because I’m not really close to that much family and I’ve struggled to keep good friends for a long time so I just worry about the future a lot sometimes and that I’m going to be sad and alone. I’m really sorry this is so long I just needed to rant to someone and I was really glad to be able to find someone who’s aro who I can talk to about this stuff.

So, here's my advice. Mainly, tl;dr, nobody knows you better than you do.

It's absolutely fine to ID to aromantic even if you feel too young (trust me, I've had a couple moments in school where I justified myself as "being too young to be into girls yet" that seem really obviously aro in hindsight), but if you do end up developing a different way, in finding attraction to people specifically or broadly, then you can just redefine yourself. There's not gonna be any aro cop who comes around checking your aro license and making sure you still adhere to understandings of yourself from last year. More than anything it's only human to gain understanding of something through continued experience, and that goes for your own self as well as anything else in the world.

For friends, well that's a complex issue that ultimately comes down to what you (and your friends) want, I can only really talk about my own experiences. But most of my friends are queer, we didn't meet in queer spaces or become attached because we were queer, we just met from mutual interests and they found out things about themselves and I found out things about myself, but there's no expectation of a mandatory level of queerness among us cause that's a really unreasonable thing to ask of someone. There's even completely hetero cis straight people still hanging about, and they're cool too. And I totally get feeling like you don't form attachments that strongly, I certainly don't have a best most closest friend ever that I'd die for, just, like, people I enjoy spending my free time with. That's enough.

I know it doesn't mean much just saying it, there's not much I can do to properly boost your mental from the other side of a computer screen, but like. Try not to worry about shit, ya know? Take life as it comes. Some things might not work out, but spending all your time fearing about everything going bad is just piling on extra stress you don't need.

[maglorslostsilmaril]

I'm transmasc, and lesbians scare me. I know there are non-radical feminist lesbians, but so many of the lesbian spaces I know of have been taken over by TERF brainrot that 'lesbian' has practically become a dog-whistle (to me) for TERF. I see lesbian stuff and I feel afraid. Seeing pro-lesbian stuff has almost become like seeing aggressively patriotic or Christian stuff. It makes me worry that the person displaying lesbian pride is going to attack me for being trans. And I hate all that! I know nice lesbians, lesbians who accept trans people, lesbians who don't see me as my agab or a confused butch. I should not be afraid of other members of the queer community. But because of the TERF/rad-fem infection, I am. Sorry for coming into your inbox and ranting, your last post just sort of sparked something

no, that makes sense! i totally understand what you mean…sometimes i feel similar in the way that i don’t necessarily feel comfortable interacting with a lot of blogs centered around lesbianism anymore, simply because so many of them are radfems. it’s so aggravating to realize that your identity is being gatekept, I really hate it, and i hate that you’re scared of being attacked for being queer by other queer people…the point of a community is that we stand WITH each other, not against. i’m so disgusted that so many lesbian spaces have been taken over by radfems and terfs, especially because so many of us aren’t cis. it’s like they’re saying you can be one or the other, lesbian or not cis. sorry for replying to your rant with another one, i don’t check my inbox often, I just hate that even within the queer community we can’t feel completely accepted.

EDIT

(11/28/22)

 So uh

This post has made quite a few people really fucking mad if the anons telling me to kms are anything to go by.

Therefore, I want to try and clear up a few things, because I fear the meaning behind the message was trying to share may have gotten lost in the unclear wording and poor grammar.

1. I myself am a lesbian, and genderqueer. Just know before you get mad at what I'm saying that this is coming from the point of view of a queer person.

2. I am not trying to attack fellow lesbians in any way. What I was trying to say was that transphobia is prominent in lesbian spaces, and that can make them feel unwelcoming for trans and nonbinary lesbians

3. I don't agree with the anon's comparing lesbian flags to white supremacy and christian propaganda, I think that's a bit extreme. What I do agree with is that TERFs taking over lesbian spaces excludes other lesbians

tl;dr The point of this post was not to attack lesbians for being themselves. I support that wholeheartedly. What I do not support is the exclusion and fear that follows trans and nb people in lesbian spaces. This was not supposed to be interpreted as an attack on sapphic, it was supposed to be an attack on transphobia. If me defending trans and nb people makes you upset or uncomfortable, I would suggest asking YOURSELF why you're so bothered by trans people being supported instead of attacking ME for standing with my fellow trans and nb lesbians.

#radfems dni #terfs dni #trans lives are human lives #trans rights are human rights #queer rights #queer discussions #lesbian

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

slightly worrying trend ive seen lately is that whenever someone adds on to a post talking about trans women/men with a related anecdote about the 'opposite' (so, talking about trans men on a post about trans women, or vice versa) everyone immediately gets insanely pissed off and starts shouting about how we're talking over each other and this isn't the place for that kind of discussion.

and... idk, I do understand that it can be very frustrating and unhelpful if all the notes are screaming 'and also trans men!' when you wanted to make a post about trans women. that is totally fair and trans women should be able to talk about their oppression without it being derailed.

however, if someone is trying to relate in the tags with their own experiences, provide resources, or speak about how their 'side' of the community is affected too... I wouldn't say that's necessarily a bad thing if it's done in a respectful manner that doesn't just make it 'all about them'.

we are a community. trans men, trans women, nonbinary, genderqueer, etc. all face oppression because of our gender identities. I don't believe it is entirely helpful to split up the community in such rigid ways--to the extent that a trans man or woman is harassed for adding *tags* to a post about the 'other side' of the community. (which i have seen happen)

also, to an extent, we should not be viewing things as binary 'sides' all the time, but that's a whole other issue. yes, transfems and transmascs face different, unique oppressions, but not *so* different that we need to segregate ourselves *all the time*.

and, like, I've seen it get pretty bad. I have seen someone say in the comments of a post about trans women being talked over by trans men (a real issue, I'm not trying to deny that!) "trans men wanna be oppressed sooo bad"

like. no. trans men are oppressed. that certainly doesn't overwrite the oppression of trans women, but trans men are, in fact, oppressed.

[This study explores (among other things) the differences and similarities in discrimination between trans men & trans women, by the way. It only covers American trans people but it is very in-depth and clearly shows that trans men do face discrimination at similar rates to trans women in most areas]

idk I could very well be missing the mark with this one. I want to make it clear that I know talking over trans women is an issue here that shouldn't be dismissed. I'm not trying to deny it or make it seem trivial. Just seeing some very bad-faith readings of people who just seem to want to add their own experiences.

basically TL;DR: it shouldn't be an offense to add on to someone else's post about trans people's oppression with your own 'side' of the community's experiences, though we should all remain vigilant and make sure we aren't talking over anyone (trans women especially).

#lgbt #discourse #trans #transgender #lgbt+ #queer #trans man #trans woman #discrimination #ben chats shit on the internet

[thanotaphobia]

I hope this doesn’t come off as pressuring you or anything cuz of course it’s your decision and all, but will you continue writing for the fandom? Cuz I know you quit twitter and all for your own sake so if you don’t it’s totally understandable, but I love your writing and was just curious! I hope you’re doing well regardless :)))

Hi there!

This didn't come off as pressuring, don't worry anon :) I've been pretty dead silent since early January, so I totally understand wondering about the future of my writing. To be honest, I've been in a really huge slump of writer's block- I just haven't been up to doing it. My mental health suffered a huge crash, and I also started working full time after graduating college (!!!) in December, so I've been exhausted when I get home most days.

I have no idea if I'll start writing DSMP/Hermitcraft again. I might. I might not. I understand if people want to unfollow me etc, and it'd be hypocritical of me to be mad at anyone who did, lmao. If I do start writing again, it certainly won't be the pace I was going the last two years. Life got in the way.

(That being said, I have a couple ideas on the back burner, so if I find the time and energy... well. Who knows what could happen!)

Tl;dr: Stay subbed to my AO3 if you're interested in seeing any future content, but I can't promise it'll happen.

Much love! <3

#ask #anonymous #:p #i took a trip this last week that rlly inspired me #my friends r so amazing #so i might get back into it once ive recovered from the jetlag ahhhh

[neechees]

I wanted to thank you for talking abt the whole house of dragons situation bc like I couldn’t believe they made that show??? Like not only did someone write that but people get to profit off of it? :/ it just like why are you celebrating some of the most painful things a person can go through, it just makes me devastated

Just putting my ghoughts underneath the readmore for others' comfort. Tw for discussions of incest, grooming, & pedophilia below.

I think the show was wholly unnecessary & was stupid to launch after they just totally gave up on GOT to begin with (like... dont let your wagon get in frot of your horse). I haven't watched the show or even really GOT but from what I understand I don't think GRRM necessarily intends to romantisize things like incest, but uses it to show human flaws & how it affects people (or at least that's what he's trying to go for), but the rate at which he succeeds in that is debatable & his writing generally & overall is DEFINITELY up for debate (I talk about his racist writing pretty frequently). A lot of his writing is also based on real world history, & royal incest happens to be another thing he included. Unfortunately.

I think the worst thing with this is how the Targaryens are all inbred (and for creepy eugenics reasons too) but they're also all supposedly known for being outstandingly beautiful & perfect (minus the mental health issues) to the point that a 13 year old is declared the most beautiful woman in the world (which is. Weird. That's a kid), versus in the real world where inbreeding causes a lot of disabilities & physical problems as well as mental ones. Like for a book hailed for being "historically accurate" and "realistic" you'd think he'd put that in, but he didn't. I don't think he intends to romantisize it, but it's in the same way I don't think he intends to be racist in his writing, but he is. And I don't think he does it out of malice, but it's out of him being a White man who doesn't want to put in effort to see why what he's written is offensive because its "fantasy".

But all of this wouldn't be as bad if the fans (see: proshitters) didn't make it worse by romantisizing it themselves. From what I've seen other people say, the new show is ultimately about all these characters who are immoral and act selfishly & that this is their downfall; a character like the creepy uncle Daemon didnt marry his niece because he was "in love" with her or that their relationship was "cute", it's because he was creepy & wanted power so he started grooming her at a young age to get that, & the showrunners THEMSELVES have told us this. & the Targaryen incest featured in the show is part of the wider narrative of the Targaryens being assholes. But the fans are making it out to be like this is "hot" and that seeing a 16 year old be sexually pursued by her 30+ year old uncle is "the female gaze" (fucking BARF). I saw a blazed post of an incestuous "character x reader" GOT fic on my dash. I don't understand.

So tl;dr there's already a lot of problems with GOT going on in the first place, but the fans have made it exponentially worse and I'm worried for how that'll influence things in the future.

#and it's super weird when got fans make fun of people for not watching the show due to discomfort with incest like??? #it's one of the reasons I've never fully committed to watching it #lime if GRRM romantisizes this stuff (which again I'm not sure he necessarily tried to) then somehow the fans made it 10x worse #*like not lime #incest tw

[dandelionpath]

hi! if i’ve already befriended an animal spirit but i would love something to house him in. I would love an animal skin but would they already have a spirit?

Hiya! I'm going to give you a couple different answers, as I'm seeing a couple different questions here

So first for what to do about unhoused/unanchored spirits, you can either keep it that way which is totally fine tbh, or find a physical object to anchor/house the spirit in. I absolutely understand that it's easier and honestly just overall nicer to have a physical object that's tied to working with a spirit! For a handful of spirit companions in the past, I had individual necklaces for each, and for a bear spirit that I didn't have any physical part of I used a bracelet!

But onto the second answer, you can also absolutely use an animal skin or piece of animal that isn't already directly tied to that specific spirit! I find that fur pieces that aren't full pelts, heads, or tails, seem to have less of a chance of a spirit being attached to them. Same thing with bones - anything that isn't a skull seems to have less of a chance to still have the spirit attached to them.

But if you've got one of those things already, no worries! You can always check if there's a spirit still attached or "inside", so to speak. Check if the animal is home still, and if they are, then they might wish to "move on" and let go of that piece so that you'll be able to use it for another spirit! If they're still there and don't want to move on, ask if they're willing to share (it's a possibility LOL), and if not, then maybe find a different anchor/house to use.

Here's a post that I wrote three years ago (wowzas, long time ago tbh) that goes into the process of "knocking on the door" to see if anyone's home in a specific animal piece: https://dandelionpath.tumblr.com/post/188238538171/animal-spirit-work-massive-how-to

So TL;DR: Yes, you can use any object, but you can also definitely use an animal skin. The animal skin may or may not have a spirit already/still attached, but (next bit is UPG) there's more of a chance of it being empty if it isn't a skull, tail, face, full pelt.

If you've got any other questions, feel free to ask! I may not post here very often anymore, but I'm always happy to answer questions :)

#comet answers #comets posts #animal spirit work #animal spirits #spirit work

[idrellegames]

Wait, but I would totally love to have Wayfarer as something in my Steam library, you know, with achievements and ability to easily sync between different PCs and stuff 👉👈 Is it something you might consider way, way down the road? (if not or if it's too much work, I understand, just being curious)

It's something I'd love to do some day! But creating an offline version (one that can be put on Steam) is a lot of work. I have no plans to even attempt that until the game is finished. Furthermore, if the game does go offline, I'd likely take down the web-only version and I'd have to come up with an alternative for mobile players. I wasn't originally worried about this since you can easily convert Twine games to an app with PhoneGap, but PhoneGap has size limits that Wayfarer already exceeds, so I'd have to find a different method.

As for Achievements, I finally have code that will let achievements be recorded and stored across all playthroughs. But I'm hesitant to add them to the game until it's complete (if at all) because of the sheer amount of content there is. I'm not sure how fun achievement hunting in this game will be when RNG is a component for accessing certain paths.

TL;DR - It would be nice, but I can't even think about it until the game is close to completion. That's years away at this point.

#wayfarer #wayfarer if #answered

[lea-andres]

Mind if I just step in here and ask you how Bark & Jewel met? Sorry, my curiosity about BugBear is eating me up 😅 They're just so cute 🥺💖

[/gen /nf]

You may!!! Come bug me (hehe) about BugBear whenever! I'm always DYING to braindump about them to someone!!! 🤩🥰🤩🥰

They have half a thousand first meetings, LMAO, but here's the most frequent two I flip between:

1. The one utilized in my fic When the Day Met the Night (the Google docs are on my pinned post and the fic's in AO3 too, but only visible to those with an account), WtDMtN takes place in my own personal lore, about 6 years after present canon, where I like to pick apart the parts of canon I do like and throw out the stuff I don't. Anyway, TL;DR: Spiral Hill's hosting a fighting tournament, Team Hooligan are amongst the colorful cast drawn to the town to compete. Bark falls in love with Jewel on first sight, Jewel's... Totally terrified of him and the rest of the Hooligans. 😅 She comes around though, after a little careful nudging (and by that I mean Bark's idiot bestie and Jewel's idiot bestie throw a lit bomb into the Mineral Museum by accident and Bark saves Jewel, LOL). Bark's having trouble communicating his romantic intentions, and Jewel keeps missing the point of any romantic gestures pointed her way, and all of their friends are trying to help but are all EQUALLY bad at helping. The Hooligans have interestingly already reformed at this point, thanks to some... heartwrenching headcanons I have about where they were during the Metal Virus. (Poor Fang... 😭) But they've been MIA for absolutely ages so a lot of people don't know they've changed their ways. Espio spends a lot of time in my fic trying to discourage Jewel from befriending the Hooligans, for VERY understandable reasons, but everyone's gonna get REAL mad at him in the next few chapters. LMAO 😎✌️

2. There's no fic attached to this one yet, but I've explored what a more (technically, because yes I'm aware it still breaks some rules) IDW compliant BugBear would look like. I'm still figuring out what the details are, but TL;DR: Clutch hires the Hooligans to steal something from the Restoration. Job goes super sideways and Fang takes Jewel hostage so they can escape unscathed. Bark feels HORRIBLE they kidnapped her, so he keeps her safe and comfortable... And eventually lets her go when she works up the courage to ask him to because he's SO worried about her wellbeing it might actually work, LOL. Jewel ends up accidentally taking over the Hooligans at this point. Jewel wants to find out why the Hooligans were hired to steal the thing (still working out what that is), she's pretty much got Bark wrapped around her finger, Bean is technically more loyal to his bestie Bark than he is to Fang's orders so he's willing to tag along... But he's not willing to let the extremely irate Fang leave, so HE kinda ends up being the hostage at this point LMAO. They go to the rendezvous point with Clutch, the fucker had NO plans to pay them and was planning on killing the Hooligans, Jewel saves their asses somehow. Fang's singing a different tune now, especially when Jewel sweetens the deal by offering to hire the Hooligans as the Restoration's treasure hunting team. Consistent work, consistent pay, no backstabbing to get out of paying them. So they stop whatever Clutch is up to and save the day, yayyyyy~. Everyone else is VERY confused when Jewel returned to the Restoration with the Hooligans and insisting they're her new friends, but she seems to have it under control so there's little fight back, LOL. And I explained part 2 to this tale on a separate post. Bark, whenever he's got the free time to, is practically following Jewel around like a lovesick puppy and Amy has to TELL Jewel Bark likes her, LMAO.

And I have half a thousand other AUs each with their own unique first meetings, but those two are probably my most used. My next frequent usage is probably my kid!Bean AU (Bean's age has been significantly lowered and he's Bark's adopted kid now), but we'll explore that one on another post if you'd like. This got very long, I'm so sorry, but I can ramble for ages about my favorite rarepair, as I've proven. 😂😂😂

#seriously please feel free to drops asks about bugbear whenever #i'd promise the next response won't be so long but it'd probably be a lie my bugbear shenanigans get LONG #jewel the beetle #bark the polar bear #bugbear #when the day met the night

[plantrelated]

Watch out for an illustration/design scam on Indeed

TL;DR if you don't have time/don't want to read the whole thing: If you apply to a job on Indeed and they're asking you to do an illustration job worth $6800 for a "Pandemic: Precaution and Prevention" class: refuse the job.

I wouldn’t normally make a post like this, but I just had the weirdest 2 weeks. I applied to, what seemed to be, a pretty standard designer/illustrator job (I won't mention the name of the company it was posted under since it's a legitimate company that had no idea their name was being used.) A lot of very similar beats as most other art/design/illustration jobs on pretty much every job site out there. I applied, didn’t think much of it, had surgery a few days later, and woke up after sleeping off anesthesia to a text from a supposed representative of the company. We got in touch via email and this was the rundown I was given:

He also noted in a later email that, while they would reserve the rights of use, the art could still be used in a professional portfolio, no worries--totally fine with me. For the most part, this doesn't read as anything particularly strange--in fact, it reads as pretty great. In a sea of the literal hundreds of jobs I've applied for, this is probably one of the few times I've seen a truly solid paycheck for this kind of work (lots of folks out there either don't know what kind of budget their projects actually require or there's the Ye Olde I Just Don't Want to Pay You What You're Worth.)

There's a standard back and forth, things seem okay, and the job itself seems fun. I'm always down to do some art for education and especially for pandemic stuff. He emails me this:

Up front is also cool--I've been ghosted before getting paid in the past, so a "good faith" payment is okay with me. And while it's a little unusual to get a cashier's check, I understand that they're often used when larger funds are involved. Rarer now, with online payments being so common, but not wildly unheard of. Tbh I'm getting kind of excited by this point. I'm thinking this is my first "big job." This is money I could really use right now. And this is probably something they were betting on: there are a lot of desperate artists looking for a paycheck and this one is an amazing one. Especially considering how hard it is to find art jobs, in general, but also to find ones that pay you what you and the job are worth. Then, about a week into pretty consistent correspondence, I get this:

By this point, I've only had the official green light to start working for about 2/3 days. Barely any time to do anything, really. So, obviously, he hasn't seen anything yet. Even if he had looked at my portfolio and liked what he saw enough to trust whatever I came up with, I just found it odd that he was so willing to immediately hire me on for "phase two" (which I also wasn't aware was even a potential factor in the job.) And to also double the payment--even if it was an accurate calculation for the workload added--without having any idea of what you're getting felt weird to me. But I really, really wanted it to be legit. Thankfully, by this point my sister had made me aware of some similar scams going around on Indeed, so I started looking a little deeper into this. Eventually, unable to find much, I went directly to the site of the original company and contacted the owner. I gave him the rundown of the job and the name of who I was in contact with (Clayton West.) Within an hour, I got a reply back that said his business hadn't posted any sort of job and that he would be contacting the authorities. I emailed Clayton to let him know that I was severing ties, authorities had been contacted, and that I was going to shred the check. Unsurprisingly--despite his faithful correspondence up to now--I never got a reply. About a day or two later, I got the check in the mail and found it had been written for $13,600. And note: the check had been sent to me before I had even known there was a "phase two." Into the shredder it went and I thought that was it. Then today, less than a week later after this whole thing dissolved, I applied to another job on Indeed. A different type of business (a school, which is also a real and legitimate place), different info, different application parameters; different country, actually. Within 45 minutes of applying, I got a text from someone claiming to be a rep from the school (Anthony Toochio) saying they were hiring for an illustration job that was worth $6800. Immediately, I thought that was a weird coincidence. Surely, I was just burned and overthinking, right? I look up the school, confirm it's legitimate (no one named Anthony on their staff, I saw), and eventually decide to check the link. Guess what I see? Guess. Yup:

And the header, as mentioned in the doc, is one of the exact examples I was sent by Clayton in an early email. They post the jobs under the guise of being legitimate businesses and institutions (specifically small and/or relatively unknown ones, as far as I can tell) and it's not limited to a singular country or one type of industry, either. The first job listing was posing as a sign shop in North Carolina, USA, and the second was as a secondary school in the Southwark district of London, England. I'm sure there are more. So, all that to say to be careful when you're applying to jobs, as a general rule, but if anyone contacts you with this specific job: cut off all contact before you get your hopes up, time wasted, and involved in a scam of some kind. I have no idea what they hope to gain, and I'm so glad I didn't have a chance to find out. So, just be wary out there. As a freelancer without a company to back you, you've got to be super protective of yourself. I'm definitely learning that, myself, right now. Additionally, here's an article from the The Graphic Artist Guild about other sorts of scams out there, just so you can be aware.

Be safe!

#artists beware #art scam #scam alert #indeed #indeed scam #indeed job board

[charincharge]

advice time! you are the nicest, coziest, most helpful person on this site so hopefully you can help :)

there’s this guy i’ve been crushing on for a while. i liked him in 8th grade, and that was the year covid hit and schools went out, and i was fully virtual the next year, so i didn’t see him at all until last year (10th grade). we became a lot closer and i didn’t start liking him again at that point, we were just good friends. i’m in 11th grade now and we’ve become even closer this year except i started liking him again and i’ve tried to ignore it bc i hate having feelings for my friends, it makes things so miserable for me. it’s grown to the point where i think this is the largest crush i’ve ever had on a person, and i know that’s not necessarily saying much since i’m still in high school (and have never dated anyone btw), but at this point in my life it still feels really meaningful to me. anyway, tl;dr of that was there’s a boy that i’m pretty good friends with who i have a massive crush on.

so today i found out he’s asexual. i was supportive of course when he told me but, especially later when i was by myself and had time to process it, i am so upset about this. i’m not upset with him ofc, i have nothing against ace people and i’m bi myself so it’s not like i’m bigoted, it’s just that this guy i’ve liked so much and for so long (relatively anyway) can’t like me back. i was never under the impression he did, he never acted like he had feelings for me in return so i’ve never shared my own feelings, it’s just that even though i knew he didn’t like me there was still the possibility of it, and it’s gone now. i’m just so frustrated with the circumstances, that things had to work out this way. i feel so selfish for worrying about my own feelings while he’s coming out and dealing with the stress of that, it’s just so unreasonably sad to me.

i could never tell him any of this, both because it would be so embarrassing and awkward for me, and because he’s such a kind person and i know he’d feel (unnecessarily) bad. so i will do my best to get over him while supporting him through this. i guess what i’m asking for isn’t actually advice since there’s nothing to be done about it (although maybe you have some tips for getting over him?), but really all i need are some words of comfort if you don’t mind <3

Oh my goodness. First let me say that I’m so incredibly touched that you reached out to me as a safe person. I am honored.

But then let’s address your problem. I totally get why your instinct would to be upset, but take a step back and take a breath and reevaluate. There is an extremely wide spectrum of asexuality and what that means. Instead of just being sad, it might be worth asking your friend what his asexual identity means to him. It differs from person to person. I have an ace friend who is in a committed relationship and they kiss, hug, etc but sex is not a priority but they do occasionally have sex.l bc their partner wants it. I also have an ace friend who doesn’t like to be touched and their partner has to understand that. Being ace doesn’t mean they can’t want you back. They totally can. It doesn’t mean your friend is suddenly off limits to a relationship it just means the boundaries of behavior are more specific. So there’s really no harm in asking what that means to them so you can figure out what that means for you if you were to be their partner. That being said, being ace is hard. We live in an Uber sexualized world and especially as an ace dude who is expected to be sexual, it might be nice to be a friend who assures them it’s okay not to feel that way. Even if their feelings aren’t reciprocated.

That said, if that’s too much I totally understand. Relationships are hard. Friendships are hard. Being a teen is hard l. You have to do what you feel good about and tbh if learning your crush is ace closes that door, it might open a new one. You have no idea. You’re so young and have so many people left to meet. You’re going to figure it all out and be okay. And if you need more assurance or help, I’m always here.

#ask #answers #lgbt answer

[protodot]

Ok, real talk about the whole "Tumblr is trying to get our money" thing:

It's a sentiment I understand, honestly. The moderation is crap (to put it lightly), the site barely functions at times, and they're proposing changes that would fundamentally alter the way the site works. Why would you give them your hard earned money in spite of all that? The fact that they're in the red is a lot harder to care about when you look at tumblr and only see another faceless corporation.

But that last part right there is why it's important to do your homework. "Understand thy enemy" and all that. So, let's start with the basics: why hate corps? Chances are you already know the answer: they will do anything and everything to continue their infinite growth regardless of the damage they might cause in the process. They perpetuate systems of oppression, lobby for laws that benefit them but screw over everyone else, work their employees so hard that they don't have the energy to do something about the situation they're in, etc.

Now that we've got the what out of the way, time to ask another important question: why? Corporations are legal entities fundamentally different from a person in a number of ways, a key difference being that they are run by people one way or another. Usually, one would think of the massive ones run by a small handful of people born into money who use it to acquire more money. They can get in that position because there are systems in place that allow them to buy ownership of participating companies, such as the stock market. Companies that are publicly trading their stock are essentially putting ownership of itself up for sale, and if the Old Money sees enough potential for growth, they'll buy it all up and take total ownership.

That's when they can start doing all the nefarious shit. But, the important takeaway here is that companies which publicly trade their stock are likely susceptible to this exact kind of parasitism. We know that tumblr's parent company is Automattic, best known for being the owners of WordPress. So, what does their stock look like?

Well, I don't know. It isn't publicly traded:

(If you're wondering what an "Automattician" is, it's essentially a fancy word for their employees)

And this is a very important detail. It fundamentally sets Automattic apart from from companies like Reddit and Meta which are publicly traded, as it's owned by its employees. So, instead of some old white cishet men, it's owned by the ~2,000 people across the world who actually run it.

This leads me to an important conclusion: tumblr's push for monetization is a genuine effort to keep the lights on. Now, if Automattic were to start being publicly traded, or tumblr were to change hands again, then there would be real cause for concern over harmful, profit-driven changes. But as it is now, it seems to me they're trying to compromise what they want it to be with the financial and legal reality of running a social media site and the finances are getting starved, hence the merchandise, the paid features, and the paywalled gimmicks.

TL;DR If you want this site to change for the and you have the means to, throw some money their way. If enough people do it, they'll be able to not worry about keeping their head above water long enough to make better changes.

#tumblr #longpost #IANAL