#this thanksgiving weekend was the first busy weekend many of them experienced and it was rough

[blahandwhatever]

Spent much time these past few weeks working diligently on various assessments, sometimes job applications, sometimes actual work. Got offered a bit of work that pays fuck all and barely feels worth doing; still didn't get paid for the social media project I did a month ago due to excruciatingly slow processes - probably won't be until mid-December.

Decided I needed to add some credentials or something to my resume to make myself a bit more competitive - one or two for what I already do, since I don't have directly relevant education and some MFs do like to see that regardless of how much experience you have, and maybe more later for some additional skills to expand my range. So I signed up for a certificate program and thought I'd race through that in a couple of weeks but got interrupted by a big project from an old side job I hadn't heard from since January. Both the pay and the expected turnaround were unreasonable for the size of the project, but I badly needed the money, so I took it. Part of me resented the pay and expectations - of this job and so many new ones I've come across still offering wages that would've been abysmal even five years ago. Part of me felt like I was paying some penance for my previous hubris and carelessness and accepted my lot. Part of me thought about all the people who get worked to death on a regular basis and figured, even if I had to join their ranks for a week, all in all, I still didn't have it so bad. (Also, hello past self! Hello past self in your long-commute office job living-with-parents poor-mental-health years of hell.)

The first two days were a big adjustment to being Busy after months of being Not Busy, filled with resentment and distraction. The next two days - last weekend - I got in a zone with it, got a decent amount done while still making plenty of time for other things. Monday was a big marathon I hoped would leave me with a lighter load for Tuesday, maybe a little left over for Wednesday at worst. Tuesday, I didn't get through as much as I'd hoped to, and it was clear there was no way I'd finish that night, so I didn't push myself too hard. Wednesday. Wednesday, I'd hoped to have a chill day between the busy week and Thanksgiving. I still had a decent chunk of the project left, but it seemed manageable. At worst, at least I could relax at night. I got part of it done in the afternoon, went to Whole Foods, came back, had dinner. Client asked if I was close to done. I said 2-3 more hours. I got back to work, feeling pressured and efficient, but two hours in, it was clear I was still far from done. Updated the client that it might be another couple of hours on top of what I'd said. Then those hours passed, and by this point I was consumed by a stress I had not experienced at work in years. Client probably went to bed. I finished around 2:20 AM, desperate for wine I never seem to have when I actually need it. It was hard to wind down, my body tingling with electricity, but I got there eventually, still disappointed with my small sliver of free time.

And then there was Thanksgiving - an unusual one I didn't know what to expect from. My parents still live together but don't talk or see each other much - my mother's postponed the divorce process until January due to some kind of tax complication, and the drama has mostly simmered down (he opened a piece of her mail from an unclear addressee - her boss at work, it turned out - because he's still paranoid about her and men, albeit more quietly. she bit her tongue about it. he said he'd move out by November but didn't. apparently hasn't been working and spends most of his time out playing poker. travels occasionally. sent her pictures from a beach one time). I figured someone in my father's family would host Thanksgiving, but I never heard from anyone. I was going to spend most of it with my mother - who wouldn't be joining them even if invited - in any case.

I managed to get up at an okay time and found that, overnight, I'd developed The Bullshit again in my right eye - thank the relentlessness of yesterday and refusal (big mistake) to take a quick break to wash my eyes when they felt irritated. The redness subsided a bit over time but didn't fully go away. I wanted to get dressed up like always for the holidays, more to make things feel normal for my mother than anything, and spent the usual forever curling my hair. And I thought I'd timed and planned things pretty well, but there's always some things I didn't account for, always so many fucking things, and I ended up running 20 minutes late.

On the way, the world greeted me with so much beauty. Sunshine, big wispy clouds, a trace of a rainbow. Brilliant red trees still going strong, flocks of birds seconds too late to take a picture. I hoped it was a good omen - but it wasn't.

My mother, proudly punctual person that she is, probably resented my lateness a bit. She's used to it - but she goes back and forth between expecting and resenting it. Maybe it matters more on a day like this.

My father was gone - apparently had planned to stay until my mother told him she wasn't having it. Further sign his family probably wasn't doing Thanksgiving.

My brother was home - I, as always, happy to see him but never knowing what to expect. He'd been sick with the flu. He was on the more cranky and withdrawn side of his spectrum.

My mother started out a mix of cheerful and quieter than usual. My brother was unfriendly and a bit rude to her. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she sat in silence, and I felt her heartache - at her efforts never being appreciated, at her inability to connect with her child, at her dearth of family, at her joyless holidays, at her whole life. I wanted badly to think of more to say than I was able to, to liven things up somehow. It's not something I'm great at. I felt the inadequacy I'd felt with her all my life, at being too quiet. Sometimes it was something I was unfairly resented for, but sometimes being a better talker and socializer would genuinely be helpful. And I thought, if my brother and I are the only family she has left, holidays are going to be rough. This is the kind of thing she cares about. Even I felt something lacking. Even when we spent holidays alone, with our father, during COVID, it was a little different. Between him and my mother being talkative, and me somewhat trying, things didn't feel so dead even if my brother was quiet or cranky. Not that I would want my father to be a part now. But still, it's rough. Granted, my brother was sick and tired and maybe that affected things too. My mother had said he'd generally been friendlier with her lately. But he'd also refused her suggestions of medication and rest instead of going out, which made her feel bad too.

I remembered my mother mentioning she'd like to learn to play cards, or chess, and went searching for the cards or chessboard that had been in the house somewhere, asked my brother for help, couldn't find them anywhere. Desperate, I drove to Walgreens, bought a pack of cards, dragged over my tired reluctant brother, and played a game with them both. Then I played some more with my mother. I don't know that it made her happy per se, but at least it was a pleasant little distraction. Then she talked about her life and her health and how she was thinking of moving out because she couldn't keep living like this with my father.

My father came home at the same time as I did from Walgreens, his face stressed and weathered. We shared a cursory hug and Thanksgiving wishes. I felt kind of bad if he didn't get to have dinner with either family - he, like my mother, is the kind of person who needs that stuff. I don't really know how to feel about him now. His every transgression against my mother has made me feel intolerant toward him, but I feel sorry for him at the same time, and I don't know if being untethered from all meaningful relationships won't make him lose his mind more.

Anyway, he went to his room, and I didn't see him after that.

All in all, it was a pretty depressing affair, every person in that house unhappy, ever the cesspool of misery.

Afterward, I felt very tired and a bit sniffly for a couple of days. Friday, I had no energy and let myself do pretty much nothing. It was deserved after the past week. Yesterday, I managed to go to a store and do a few chores. Today I did a job application and a small work project, and was supposed to do more around the house at night but got sleepy. Overnight, it snowed, which I wasn't quite ready for, but after Thanksgiving, I can live with it.

Despite the unloading of heavy stuff here, there is so much more, and life is still largely good.

Now I'm hoping for a productive - but not stressful - end of November.

[dammitjameskirk]

well its holiday time!! that means so many families will have more free time and theyll think going to the movies is a great time had by all!! this might be true for anybody actually going, but its definitely not true for anybody WORKING THERE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

so here are a couple notes from somebody who works in the theatre business and i am so gotdamn exhausted by the hundreds of thousands of families i see walk through the doors of my building

THE END OF YEAR HOLIDAYS FROM NOVEMBER TO EARLY JANUARY ARE THE BUSIEST TIME OF YEAR FOR ANY MOVIE THEATRE, HANDS DOWN. EVERYONE HAS TIME OFF AND COMES TO THE MOVIES, YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL AND MILLIONS OF OTHERS ARE GOING TO THE MOVIES JUST LIKE YOU. REMEMBER THIS WHEN YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE LATE OR BUY YOUR TICKETS AT THE DOOR INSTEAD OF AHEAD OF TIME.

everyone makes minimum wage or less (minors dont have to be paid minimum wage, PLUS theres no such thing as overtime or holiday pay in the movie business); youre yelling at literal children almost 100% of the time and quite frankly they have no control over any of it and you throwing a hissy fit will help literally no one, not even yourself

the movies cost mega money if you dont come prepared; eat beforehand if you dont want to spend anything extra. tell your children no if you have to, theres no reason to spend 5$ on m+ms if you cant spare the money. we understand and feel just as badly when we have to tell you the total

if you bring your own snacks, none of us care as long as we dont see it. take it in undetected and you better throw it out afterward as well; if youre not buying any of our concessions then youre not paying for us to clean up after you

(yeah, the concessions cost so much bc thats what pays our paychecks. the theatres do not get any money from ticket sales, save for MAYBE 10%, depends on how long the movie’s been out but most of the time the max amount of money made from ticket sales is about 50 cents. concessions pay for employee paychecks and the building running costs)

BRING YOUR ID IF YOU ARE SEEING AN R-RATED FILM. ALL R-RATED FILM TICKET PURCHASES ARE LIKELY TO BE ID’D AND IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT THEN YOU’RE SHIT OUTTA LUCK. policy for most theatres: you have to be at least 17+ to see an r-rated film WITH A VALID ID (school ids do NOT count), OR be 21+ WITH A VALID ID to take in any more people without an id themselves. no exceptions. this is a firable offense, on the spot, if the cashier or ticket taker is caught allowing underage kids into r-rated films. take this into consideration the next time you want to go see a movie bc there are no exceptions!! fuck you if you dont bring your id but then get mad bc we wont let you in to see the movie!! its your own fault!!!!

understand that there are physically not enough people working in the building to keep the place spotless as hordes of people run around and make a shitty mess everywhere. like, im sorry, but the movie theatre business SUCKS and theres nothing we can do about it other than try and sweep up the popcorn as fast as we can. you complaining to management will not suddenly materialise a new person to come out of the employee breakroom, ready to sweep up whatever it is youre complaining about. patience is KEY bc we quite simply do not have the staff or the staff allowance to provide a perfect atmosphere. it wont happen no matter how much you squall. like, im sorry it sucks, i know it does, im trying to make it run as smoothly as possible but theres just not enough employees allowed for us to do any better. bring your own trash bag and your own napkins if youre that concerned, i promise we wont look at you sideways

ENUNCIATE YOUR ORDER AT THE CONCESSION STAND. the more communicative you are the faster you can be served, i promise, thats EXACTLY how it works and its not taking too long bc the employee is bad its bc youre not speaking up or youre not actually defining what you want. be better, get done faster

try to be more on time when it comes to getting to the theatre. doing everything late makes you angrier and it means we dont have as much time to fix whatever problems you may be having. we cant fix what you need if theres no time because you didnt think youd have to show up to your movie until 20 minutes after it started!!

be mindful of when the locations you visit actually close; we’re not a 24/7 business, and concessions and ticketing sales usually close before midnight, depending on the time of the last show and that building’s policies. at that point, the only thing youre doing is renting space on our premises. take care of everything you need, money-wise, before that time passes or else youre out of luck, just like any other business

dont.... dont bring babies to the movies please. this is more personal than like, actual tips or tricks about the movies or like backalley knowledge or whatever, this is like, this is from a health and courtesy standpoint. movies are LOUD. movies are SCARY. babies shouldnt... be going through that experience. i cant stand whenever i see newborns being carried around as if their ears arent so sensitive and that theyre likely to cry and be generally uncomfortable bc a movie theatre is NOT A PLACE FOR BABIES. find a sitter, or stay home. thats what you sign up for when you become a parent, taking care of your child to the best of your ability. and if that includes taking them with you to the movies... youre a bad parent and theres nothing you can do to convince me otherwise. (also 6 and under cant see r-rated films past a certain time and i rly dont understand why so many folks dont understand that or think its a new rule?? its not a new rule, every movie chain i have been to has had that rule its not new and not specific to just one place cmon now get out of here)

also if you leave garbage in the theatre under the impression that Somebody Gets Paid To Do That, just know that we know and we also hate you passionately bc youre the worst type of person. if you have family like this, correct them. we get paid very little to do much more than you could possibly expect

happy holidays!!! dont take this as a Dont Come To The Movies post, take this as a Come To The Movies Prepared post instead. just dont be a dick, its the holidays, and these are mostly children youre upset with. like, youre yelling at 15 + 16 yr olds. just be nice. if you have a problem with the business itself, take it to corporate, thats the only way youll get anything changed.

#litter box #work tag #im tired and its barely december #none of my crew has had busy weekends and stuff bc the weeks leading up to thanksgiving were all shit movies #this thanksgiving weekend was the first busy weekend many of them experienced and it was rough #one of the busiest thanksgiving weekends the theatres have seen in quite a while #akin to when frozen came out i think is what one report said #but like. Damn. be better to the ppl u interact with outside of your own home!! #why leave the house in a bad mood??? cmon now

[justahopelessssromantic]

Yesterday: Two

A/N: Hey guys here’s an update for Yesterday for you. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. As I suspected work has been kicking my ass and on top of that I had some family I haven’t seen very often come to visit so it has all just been a little crazy and busy. I hope you all enjoy and have a safe and pleasant weekend ❤️

Thank you so much @carlaangel86 for making this beautiful collage for my story 💖 I appreciate it and you so very much 😘

Word Count: 4912

Angel watched as Juliet sipped the tomato soup from her spoon. She was really here, right in front of him. It was almost like he was afraid to look away, that if he turned his back for one second she’d be gone again. He just couldn’t stop staring at her, watching her every move. He was never going to take a moment with her for granted again.

“You’re making me nervous.” Juliet said looking up from her bowl. Ever since Angel picked her up from the hospital his eyes had been on her.

“Sorry, I just, I can’t believe it’s really you.” Two years had gone by where they were parted. So much time gone that they would never get back. Angel was still trying to wrap his mind around it all.

For Angel he had been apart from his wife for two years. For Juliet it was merely a few hours. Whatever happened to her was a mystery to both her and Angel. The doctor said with the trauma she must have experienced plus the fall it was all normal for her to block out the time. He advised Angel to be gentle and patient with her. In time she’d get her memory back.

Juliet was trying to come to terms with her situation herself. It was hard for her to comprehend how she had lost so much time. One moment she was on her way home from picking up a couple of steaks from Felipe for their anniversary dinner and then she was waking up in the hospital in fucking Arizona over two years later. To say she was confused would be an understatement.

Juliet self consciously pulled her sleeves down her arms making sure she was as covered as possible. She didn’t like being uncomfortable in her own body but right now she didn’t even recognize herself. She was noticeably thinner, her skin covered with unfamiliar scars and markings and her hair longer than she remembered. Everything was so different, especially herself. She didn’t even know who she was anymore.

She tried to remember, she really did, but every time she did her head would start hurting.

“It’s really me.” Or at least she thought it was. She gave him a half smile. Angel reached across the table taking her hand in his. Her eyes flicked down to her bare ring finger. “I’m sorry. I must have lost my ring.”

“Don’t worry about it Jules. We’ll get you another one.” All that shit didn’t matter to Angel. All that mattered was his wife was here right in front of him, touching him, talking to him. She was here and he was never letting go.

Sure they could get another one but she didn’t want a different one. She wanted the one Angel slipped so delicately onto her finger after their vows. The silver band she’d look down at whenever she was missing Angel. The one that was engraved. She wanted the ring she imagined herself wearing for the rest of her life. The one she would never take off.

“Jules,” Angel snapped his fingers in front of her face, pulling her back out of her thoughts. “Are you feeling okay? Are you getting a headache? Do you need anything?” Angel rattled question after question.

“Angel, I’m fine!” She snapped immediately regretting it as she watched his face fall. She felt terrible. “Shit, I’m sorry.” Juliet pulled her hand away from Angel’s burying her face in her hands. She tried to steady her breathing, keeping the tears away. She knew he meant well. Everything was just still so raw. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Her voice was muffled through her hands.

Angel stood up carefully reaching out to put his hand on her back. He noticed how she flinched when he first touched her before she settled to his touch. He rubbed circles across her back trying to comfort her. “I know. It’s not your fault.” Angel was trying to keep his own frustrations down not wanting to add to it. He had so many questions he wanted answers to, questions only she had the answers to if only she remembered.

His wife was here but she wasn’t the same person she was two years ago. Even without her memories she was changed. How could she not be?

Juliet took a deep breath pulling her hands away from her face to peek at Angel. “I’m sorry we fought.” There was so much she wanted to say to him. So much that was still so raw for her even if it had faded for Angel. He had two years to move on and she didn’t. “I promise I was going to talk to you.”

Angel crouched down next to her pulling her hands back into his, giving the backs of them a kiss. He knew what fight she was talking about. The day before she disappeared he had found her birth control. He knew the failed attempts at conceiving were hard on Juliet, they were hard on him too but finding the pills crushed him. He wasn’t ready to give up and she was.

Angel met Juliet walking down the walkway of the school with her two coworkers Charles and Heather. They were discussing the coming up Thanksgiving play the children would be putting on next month. There was so much to plan between costumes, props, and set up.

Juliet caught Angel coming her way. He did not look pleased which worried her. She knew that look. Whatever was to follow was not going to be good. She excused herself from the conversation meeting him halfway as he grabbed her arm and led her around the building. “Angel, what’s going on?” She asked him, reaching out to touch his face.

He pulled his face back gaining a frown from Juliet. Grabbing the little pill pack from his pocket he shoved it at her. “What the hell is this?”

Juliet sighed, looking at the birth control now in her hands. “Angel I promise I can explain.”

“Have you been taking these? Is that why we aren’t getting pregnant?” The hurt in his voice pierced straight through Juliet. She knew Angel would be upset which was why she was really hoping to talk to him before he found them.

“Of course not.” Juliet replied, her voice hushed. She hadn’t taken a single pill since they decided to try for a baby. She was just tired of all the disappointment. She got a refill because she was thinking about going back on but she would never do so without talking to Angel first.

“Then why the fuck do you have it?” Angel was livid and heartbroken. There was nothing more in this world he wanted besides having a child with Juliet. How could she be ready to throw the towel in already?

“Can we please just talk about this tonight?” Juliet pleaded with Angel. She hated when people would butt into her business and there were plenty of people around this town and more specifically her workplace that loved the gossip.

“I know Jules and you did, remember?” Angel asked cautiously. He wasn't sure how much of before she disappeared she remembered. “We made up by the end of night.”

“Yeah,” she gave him a small smile. She remembered they talked it out that night getting rid of the pills. She had just gotten the prescription filled that day and was going to start taking them again but couldn’t bring herself too until she spoke to Angel. He just unfortunately found them first. She didn’t really want to give up on the hope to have a family with Angel, she was just tired and heartbroken. It felt like the universe was against her getting pregnant again. Like she was being punished for her past.

“And if I remember correctly we had some great fucking make up sex right here.” Angel smirked, setting his hand on the table. “I was almost certain that if any time was going to knock you up it would have been then.” Angel spoke before realizing what he had said.

They never got to find out because then she vanished.

“I don’t suppose we’re going to keep trying now.” Juliet stared at her small hand in his. She was still wanting to have a family with him. They were trying, were going to have a nice anniversary, get away but now that wasn’t happening. It wasn’t even their anniversary anymore.

“You know I want nothing more than to have you pregnant with my child, to watch you grow together, to raise a family with you but I think right now at least until you find your footing again we should press pause.” Right now he just wanted to cherish having her home. To make sure she was in a good place before they added the stress of trying to conceive again.

All that mattered was her.

Angel woke later that night in a sweat. That was a common occurrence for him. He hadn’t slept soundly through the night without a nightmare since Juliet disappeared. Reaching out to wrap his arm around Juliet for comfort he frowned, his arms coming up empty. He patted her side of the bed not feeling anything there either and that’s when the panic really set in. Sitting up he turned the bedside lamp on looking over at the empty place beside him. His breathing was hard and shaky as his heart raced.

She was gone.

She was gone again or maybe it was all just one sick cruel dream. To have the love of his life back in his arms just to have her ripped from them once more.

No she was here. He spoke to her, touched her. She was back and now she was gone.

Angel got out of bed trying to ease his oncoming panic attack. She could be in the bathroom or the kitchen or living room. She could be anywhere in the house. Just because she wasn’t in bed didn’t mean she was gone. At least that is what he was trying to convince himself.

He made his way out to the living room. He ran his eyes across the room. Everything looked just how he had left it.

That didn’t bring him any comfort. If anything it made him feel worse.

It was exactly like that night.

Still he tried to remain calm, or as calm as he could. He walked into the kitchen wondering if maybe she had gotten up for a drink or a snack or anything else but he found the room dark and vacant as well. It was from there that he could see the faint light peeking out from under the door down the hall.

He let out the breath he wasn't even aware he was holding. It was the laundry room. Of course she would be in the laundry room. He wasn't exactly sure how it happened but that room had become their safe space, their get away when family would come over and it would all be too much.

It was just another place that maybe didn't seem special to an outsider but to them if held much more.

Angel made his way down the hall and slowly opened the door. Sure enough there she was sitting on the floor with a bag of marshmallows.

She looked up from her snack, swallowing the mouthful before giving him a small smile.

"There you are. Couldn't sleep?" Angel asked her leaning against the door frame.

"No." Juliet admitted. She was exhausted but couldn’t get her mind to quiet down. Juliet didn't want to wake Angel so she had slipped out of bed to come here.

She was trying desperately to remember anything at all but she just kept coming up blank. She knew she wasn't supposed to force it but losing so much time it was hard for her not to.

At least she had Angel. She was so thankful for him. He had been nothing but patient and understanding with her.  

It was her first night back. Angel knew it would be an adjustment. Stepping into the room he opened the closet pulling out a couple of spare pillows and blankets. If she wasn't able to sleep in bed then at least they could be together in here. He handed a pillow to her and laid the other one beside her before crouching down and settling down with her. He covered them with a blanket and wrapped his arm around her bringing her close.

"Marshmallow?" Juliet offered holding the bag up to him.

Angel took one plopping it into his mouth. “You have the diet of a toddler.” Angel teased taking another marshmallow.

Juliet smiled, not a full one but a smile at least. “At least I don’t live off beer.” She teased back laying her head against his chest.

Juliet felt Angel’s chest move with his chuckle. She snuggled in closer enjoying his warmth. They lay there together just holding one another enjoying the other. Juliet listened to Angel’s heartbeat focusing on the soothing rhythm as he ran his fingers up and down her arm.

It didn't take long before Angel lulled her to sleep. He could tell she was finally out by how her breathing evened out. He kept running his fingers up and down her arm just enjoying having her here, her weight against him was the best feeling in the world. He always loved and cherished her before but losing her like he did just made him appreciate this second chance so much more.

A few days had gone by with Angel and Juliet readjusting to their new normal. Angel was doing everything he could to make her comfortable not pushing her in any way.

Angel was being patient but he was still getting frustrated. She wouldn't let him see her in anything less than her street clothes. She wouldn't even let him in the bathroom while she was getting ready. She didn't want him to see her which only made him wonder what she was hiding.

Did she think he wouldn't like the way she looked anymore? That he wouldn't want her? He knew she was thinner which bothered her but to him that was nothing. He loved her and would love her no matter how she looked.

He just wanted her to feel comfortable with him again.

“Hey,” Angel said, peeking his head into their bedroom. Juliet had been resting in their bedroom after she had started feeling a headache coming on.

Juliet looked up from where her head was resting on his pillow. She was in a pair of leggings and one of Angel’s long sleeve shirts, her favorite things to wear right now. Angel smiled, still not fully believing that she was really home and alive.

Maybe this was all just a dream, maybe he finally lost his mind, or maybe he was fucking dead. Whatever the case he wasn’t going to question it. His love had returned to him, that was good enough for him.

“Hey,” She smiled back sitting up.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling much better.” Thankfully resting with some medicine managed her headache smoothly.

“Good.” Angel shut the door behind him coming to sit next to her. He rested his hand on her thigh. “Do you think you’re up for some company? Gwen’s here.”

Gwen had just arrived with Serena. They were waiting out in the living room with EZ. Juliet had asked about them earlier and Angel showed her some pictures of Serena to try to lighten the blow of seeing her much more grown than she remembered. He knew the missed time with Serena would be one of the hardest for her.

They both adored Serena. She was important to both of them. They helped raise her.

Juliet perked up at this and climbed off their king bed quickly slipping her feet into her slippers. She couldn’t wait to see her best friend and Serena. Angel reached out grabbing her arm spinning her back around to him. “Are you sure you’re ready?” He asked.

Juliet wanted nothing more than to see Gwen and Serena. Seeing the pictures of Serena came with a little bit of a shock and the feeling of regret for having missed so many moments in her life. Juliet didn’t want to waste another second with those she loved most. She already missed enough time. “I’m ready.”

Angel gave her hand a squeeze. He led her out of the bedroom and to the living room where they were all waiting for them. Gwen immediately stood up from her place on the couch rushing over to Juliet and pulling her into a hug. Angel released Juliet’s hand so she could wrap her arms around Gwen too.

“I missed you so much,” Gwen sobbed into Juliet. Gwen and Juliet were more than just best friends, they were sisters. Neither one of them ever had a friend like the other. They had been inseparable until James showed up and when Juliet came back to Gwen they picked up right where they left off. Losing Juliet was one of the hardest things for Gwen.

Juliet held onto Gwen holding onto the back of her shirt. She cried herself, everything building up finally breaking her. She couldn’t relate to the pain of what everyone else went through but she had plenty of her own. They held each other for the longest time not wanting to let go until the tears had settled.

Gwen pulled away first, wiping her eyes. “I’m so happy you are home.”

Serena slid off the couch herself coming up to her mother. “Mama why are you crying?” Serena asked, hugging Gwen’s legs.

“It’s okay baby. They are just happy tears.” Gwen explained smoothing Serena’s hair down. “I’m just so happy Auntie Juliet is home. Remember Mama told you all about her.”

Juliet looked down at Serena. The tears streamed down her face as she looked at her beautiful goddaughter. The pictures helped some but it was so different seeing her here in person. She was so grown and looked so much like Gwen. She was beautiful.

“Mama said you had to go away for a while,” Serena said to Juliet. “But now you’re back. Where did you go?”

Gwen gave Juliet an apologetic look. Juliet wiped the tears off her face leaning down and smiling at Serena. “You know I don’t really remember but all that matters is I’m back now and I can’t wait to hear everything I missed.”

Serena’s face lit up as she thought about all the things she could tell her Auntie Juliet. “I can tell you everything!”

Serena grabbed Juliet’s hand, taking her to the couch excitedly. Juliet laughed looking back at Angel who was smiling at them before turning her attention back to Serena to listen to all of the young girl’s stories.

Angel flipped the steaks on the grill. They were now all outside. The girl’s were catching up as they watched Serena play in the sprinklers while Angel and EZ prepared the food.  

EZ nursed his beer watching Angel as he would keep looking back at Juliet. “How are you holding up?” EZ asked him.

“Me?” Angel asked, stealing a glance at EZ before turning his attention back to the food. “I fucking feel like I’m dreaming. Like if I blink or turn my back on her she’ll be gone again.”

EZ nodded. He understood where Angel was coming from. After all he had been through the last two years it was only natural that he would have that fear. “Has she remembered anything or talked about it?”

Angel shook his head. “No, she hasn’t remembered anything and she hasn’t really said much.”

“How is she doing?”

“I’m not sure. She’s adjusting you know?” Angel took the steaks off the grill setting them on the plate. “She’s still trying to wrap her mind around losing so much time. I just wish I knew how to help her.”

EZ patted Angel’s shoulder giving it a squeeze. He could only imagine what his brother was going through. “I know it’s not the same but after being on the inside all that time you know what the hardest part about getting out was?”

Angel shook his head.

“Coming out and trying to catch up with the outside world. Life went on out here without me. That was the hardest adjustment.” EZ explained. It was a rude awakening to come out and see how everyone had moved on with their lives while he was still stuck living in the past thinking about how his life should have been if things were different. “You can’t give her her memories back but you can help her with everything she missed here. You need to tell her everything, the good and the bad. She deserves to know it all. I think that could help.”

Angel watched as Juliet played with Serena and her stuffed dolfin after dinner. She was smiling so full of life as she looked up and over at him in the kitchen. Her smile only grew as her eyes met his. Angel smiled back lovingly watching the two of them together.

Juliet was going to be an amazing mother one day.

“It’s so crazy.” Gwen said, coming up beside Angel. She watched Juliet and her daughter with him. “I can’t believe she is really here.”

“Me neither.” Angel leaned back against the counter. “There’s so much she’s missed. I know that’s bothering her the most right now. Maybe even more so than not knowing what happened to her.”

Juliet had expressed to him how weird it felt for her to have missed so much time. How awful it felt for her to know she missed so many moments with friends and family. She had already missed plenty during her relationship with James after he had isolated her from those she loved.

“I know what fucking happened to her.” Gwen said looking at her best friend. “This was James.” She knew how obsessed James was with Juliet. It killed him when Juliet finally walked away from him. He would do anything to have her all to himself. Gwen was certain he was the one behind Juliet’s disappearance. “If that motherfucker shows his face around here I swear to god I will kill him.”

They didn't know for sure but Angel always suspected James had something to do with her disappearance. He even confronted him but got nowhere. “Yeah and somehow he always came out clean.” Angel muttered. The cops had looked into James as well and found no leads. James was a dead end.

James would never fully be off Angel’s suspect list no matter how clean he appeared. James had hurt Juliet before, there was nothing stopping him from doing it again. Next time Angel saw James he wouldn’t hesitate to put him six feet under regardless if it was him who did this to her or not. He had enough sins to pay for to justify it. “If you want to kill him you’ll have to get in line.”

And that line was a long one.

Gwen was happy Juliet and Angel got together. The guy’s would often frequent the bar she worked at and now owned. When Juliet came to stay with her she helped out at the bar. That’s when Angel first noticed her. It took some time to get past Gwen. She was very protective of her best friend especially after James fucked with her. Gwen knew Angel was a good guy though and after one good threat that if he ever hurt Juliet she’d rip his balls off and shove them down his throat she finally decided that Angel could approach Juliet.

From there the rest was history.

Gwen watched as Juliet tickled Serena, the two’s giggles filling the house. “Honestly I don’t know if I want her to get her memory back.” Gwen said. At least for the most part Juliet was happy. Gwen watched a little longer before turning to Angel. “Whatever happened must have been hell. She’s already endured so much more than one person should ever have to in one lifetime. Maybe it's a blessing that she doesn't remember.”

Angel agreed to some extent. He didn’t want her to have to suffer anymore than she had but not knowing came with it’s own pain. He also couldn't stand not knowing who hurt her and how. It was selfish but he had to know if only to know where to focus his rage. “Yeah but she also isn’t sleeping and she’s jumpier than usual. It’s like she’s fighting a demon she can’t see. I’m not sure that’s much better.”

“I wish there was more I could do for her.” Gwen hated feeling helpless and right now that was all she felt, just like Angel.

“There is.” Angel remembered EZ’s earlier advice to him. “We can’t give her her memory back but we can at least fill her in on what she missed here at home. At least that’s what EZ suggested. He said we should fill her in. Tell her the good and the bad shit she’s missed. She deserves to know what happened while she was gone and life went on.” Angel pushed off the counter so he could stand directly in front of Gwen. “I have to tell her. I have to tell her everything.” He wanted to give Gwen the head’s up. What was clawing at the back of his mind right now involved her too.

He had to tell Juliet about Vicky’s girls and he had to tell her about his night with Gwen. He could never keep secrets from her before and now even less so.

Gwen knew where Angel was going with this. It wasn’t that she didn’t think Juliet had the right to know she just did not see the point in telling her. She glanced back at Juliet and Serena seeing them focused on the Frozen Serena’s favorite movie that she had put on the tv to show Auntie Juliet. Gwen looked back at Angel keeping her voice hushed. “She doesn’t need to know about everything.”

“I have to tell her Gwen. I can’t keep this hanging above our relationship.” He wanted to be able to kiss his wife, to hold her, to be with her as man and wife but he couldn’t do all that with this guilt inside him.  

“Telling her is only going to hurt her Angel,” Gwen insisted, “We were drunk and hurting and it only happened once. What is telling her going to accomplish?” They both felt terrible immediately after their night together and agreed to never talk about it again but here they were.

“Are you afraid it’s going to ruin your relationship?” Angel asked Gwen.

“Aren’t you afraid it’s going to ruin yours?” Yes she didn’t want to lose her best friend but that wasn’t the reason she was against it. She was just trying to protect Juliet’s heart. “Are you sure this isn’t just about easing your guilt?”

“It’s not about that. It’s about my relationship with my wife. It’s about the promise I made to her the day we got married.” Angel felt like shit after sleeping with Gwen and continued to feel so in those late hours of the night when he’d dream about his wife. The girl’s at Vicky’s had no connection to him but Gwen was family, she was Juliet’s best friend. Even with thinking she could be dead he still felt as he betrayed her. What Gwen said was correct. They were drunk and heartbroken just seeking any feeling besides the heartache that had consumed them both. Juliet was compassionate and understanding. She would understand. “Juliet will understand.” Angel said as if saying it outloud would make it true.  

“Juliet will be fucking pissed.” Gwen sighed, shifting her weight on her feet. “Look Angel I get where you are coming from but honestly what is telling going to do besides causing her more pain? Hasn’t she been through enough already?” She reached out setting her hand on his arm. “Just please don’t do anything impulsive and really think it over before you say anything. This is so much bigger than our one night together that meant nothing."

Angel nodded giving in to Gwen. He would wait for now and think it over. He didn’t want to ruin Juliet’s good mood. He just wanted to cherish this happy moment all together for now.

"Mama! Angel! Come watch with us!" Serena called out from where she was bouncing on the couch.

Juliet looked over at them and smiled. "You heard the boss." She laughed.

"I'll make some popcorn," Gwen muttered before excusing herself to the panty.

Angel put on a smile for his girls. He sat down next to Juliet wrapping his arms around her. Serena giggled climbing on to his lap taking his other arm and wrapping it around herself tightly. "Uncle Angel is just like Olaf," Serena told Juliet snuggling in close to him, "he loves warm hugs." Serena smiled watching the screen getting lost in the movie.

Juliet watched Serena with Angel closely . It seemed she had some competition for her husband's attention but she didn’t mind. Seeing Angel with Serena only made her yearn for a child of their own even more.

Angel would be an excellent father one day.

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#angel reyes #angel reyes x oc #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fic #mayans mc #mayans mc fic #yesterday

[bunnylouisegrimes]

Unusual Thanksgiving (NOS4A2 Longish-Drabble Fic)

(A/N: As of writing this, it’s the weekend. I’ve noticed at least every weekend for a few weeks now I post some short little Drabble to help let out my emotions. Here’s another one that’s a little bit longer. With Thanksgiving coming up and my ass having little time to think of something and cook it up (pun intended), I thought I’d take the approach of having whatever come to my mind and writing it out. It’s a unique one, as you don’t usually associate horror and angst alongside the family fluffiness of Thanksgiving, but... here we are! I remember a while back I wrote how Rose’s parents would react to her having a relationship with Charlie, and that was one of my inspirations, alongside how rough things are this year. I’d like to wish you all Happy Thanksgiving ahead of time. Stay safe and enjoy a good ass feast. It’s been tough, and it’s had some highlights, but now’s the time we can all put aside our differences and whatever else bullshit and be thankful about what we do have this year; whether it be supplies or each other, we’ll get through this. 🧡🍂🍁🦃)

(Apologize for no Read More, posting this from mobile, and I found the image randomly, so if you want credit, let me know).

November is a beautiful and calming time of the year, but under certain circumstances, it can be oddly scary. This is most likely due to how dead the world is. There’s usually no snow, and what leaves remain are brown, have decayed from the trees, and collapsed to the ground to crumble and rot. I noticed this when I was younger, and part of me thought November was spookier than Halloween in some cases.

Of course, to me, any time of the year could be scary. Horror doesn’t stop and end at one point; it is an infinite occurrence that follows humanity wherever we go.

From the time I was a little kid, I would find horror in the most obscure of places. Scary movies never bothered me, and in fact, I was always excited when I watched them. What should’ve terrified me brought me nothing but adrenaline and fascination. Instead, odd things scared me, things most people would poke fun at if they saw my reaction to them, things most would shrug off. Call me Freudian, but perhaps my fears, just as yours are, are based in our differing subconscious minds, so there is no true definition of “stupid” horror.

The one thing that I know for certain that’s frightened me since I was younger are bees, wasps, yellow jackets, and hornets. Why these little yellow and black bugs terrify me, I will never truly know the answer as to why. Is it because they’re so small, yet they can hurt you so badly? Is it because of their appearance? I don’t want bees to die out, as I know of their importance, and bumbles don’t bother me because they usually leave you alone (and they’re oddly cute), but any other bee or wasp can stay away from me. I’ve never even been stung by one, yet one buzz or sight of one near me makes my body react instantaneously. I get away as much as I can and even scream sometimes. Not wise to scream or move a lot when you’re in their presence, I know. But when your body reacts the way it does, what are you to do?

When I was a little bit older, I would say roughly 8 or 9 years old, a new type of fear spawned its way into my mind: the fear of shadow people.

I don’t know what it is about those things either that scare me so much. When I first discovered I had this fear, I believe I was watching an episode of Ghost Adventures, and I saw them capture a really clear shadow figure on camera. It chilled me to the bone, and from then on, just the thought of one creeped me out. One particular episode where the crew went to an old, abandoned and haunted Tuberculosis sanitarium got to me because shadow figures were prominent there, and they actually captured two on camera going down a long hallway.

Shadow people, from what I’ve seen online, are very mysterious. They could come from another dimension, they could be demonic; some are harmless, others are harmful, and it’s all dependent on what experience you have with them. Zak Bagans and his crew have come across quite a few demonic ones, and their guests have usually described them as tall, thin, 6-7 foot tall entities that are dark both in physicality and energy. They look like an individual spray painted with pitch black aerosol, and darker than a room if it were void of all light. Sometimes they have red or white eyes, and sometimes they can have differing appearances that are just as terrifying as the blank appearances they often have. They can stand there and look over you while you’re sleeping at night, they can stand in a corner and stare at you, maybe rocking a bit, they could dart down a hallway, hiding from you, they can crawl on the floor, they can crawl on the ceiling... whatever it is they do, it’s all bone chilling to me, and I hate it all with a burning passion. I don’t care even if they were harmless: If I were to ever see one in real life, I would have a heart attack.

That is why I am thankful I’ve only seen them either when I’m paranoid for whatever reason before I go to sleep (but they’re not really there, my mind’s just playing tricks on me), or if I have a nightmare and they’re present. This story will focus on the latter.

*************************************************

Halloween, Charlie’s birthday on November 1st, the Election... it all came and left sooner than expected, and we needed to plan what we were doing about Thanksgiving. I know, a vampire who’s all about Christmas celebrating other holidays. It seems unreal, but I assure you, he has respect for other holidays as well. Christmas just happens to be his favorite and one that brings him and the kids lots of comfort and joy. They say Christmas is a state of mind and is never truly over, so... I suppose Charlie is just a living embodiment of that saying.

With COVID still in full swing, and cases breaking records everyday, people were stocking up on supplies yet again alongside their Turkey Day feasts. We knew we had to hurry up and order stuff the week before Thanksgiving at most.

Living in Gunbarrel, Colorado, away from everyone except for each other and the kids when we spent quite a few days in Christmasland each week, it was relieving to know we weren’t around tons of people. The virus wouldn’t affect Charlie or the kids, but me being the only human, and one with asthma, it would, so it was calming to not have to worry as much as many other folks about exposure. Not to mention, the town was small, and everybody knew everybody. Whenever we did enter town, which took 10 minutes to get to, we would see everyone keeping their distance and respecting each other. It was nice to see our small and (just about) off-the-grid community helping each other during these times.

The only two local stores were an Acme that everyone went to, and the Gunbarrel General Store, owned by a kindly old man who looked like Santa Clause named Sam. Before everyone rushed to Acme, we decided on doing a curbside pickup order, and picking up anything else that was not available at Sam’s, as he was sure to provide lots of Thanksgiving food.

It was going to certainly be an interesting Thanksgiving without my usual family, and not being back home, but I was going to call them on that fateful Thursday and talk to them for a few hours. Charlie and I would have a small dinner together, and we would spend most of the day in Christmasland with our children, dining on delicious food and laughing together. The thought warmed my heart and made me feel better about this Thanksgiving. We would be okay, and everything would be fine, despite my horrible dreams...

For whatever reason, over these past few weeks, my dreams were plagued with shadow people haunting me. No explanation was given, and no explanation would need to be given for it to still occur and damn near break me. Maybe it was some sort of unresolved issue going through the back of my mind, maybe it was fueled by my stresses of being busy lately, but regardless of whatever the issue was, I was haunted by them. The day after Charlie’s birthday, we watched the original Nosferatu together, and I fell asleep near the end, experiencing the first of these dreams.

I was walking down a dark and cold hallway. I was 8 years old again. I don’t know how I knew this, but it was one of those instances where you know a random piece of information in a dream. I was holding two small plastic My Little Pony figurines I got from Happy Meals at that time, a small Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. I hadn’t seen those toys in years, yet there they were in my hands. When I looked up, a shadow person was standing near the end of the pathway. It stood tall and authoritative, looming over me as if it wanted to grab me and drag me down the corridor straight into Hell, or wherever it came from.

I took off running, and it crawled on all fours after me. I screamed and kept running until I came across a goofy, tall, and lanky figure: Count Orlock, or the actual Nosferatu himself, was standing there. I hid behind him and begged him to protect me. He smiled his stupid smile and looked down at the shadowy behemoth. It seemed to back down a bit once he snarled at it. It backed up behind a corner, peaking at us once before vanishing.

My relief was short lived for only a few moments because Orlock wandered off into the darkness.

“Where are you going? Come back here!” I tried to call after him, but I was cut off by the shadow figure crawling on the ceiling and grabbing me. I gave a scream and found myself awake on the couch, springing to life and hearing the opening music to Downton Abbey greeting me. Charlie had tuned in after the movie. He looked at me with a confused and concerned look. I explained everything to him and he comforted me, laughing at the thought of the original Nosferatu visiting me.

The dreams afterward were more terrifying than the first. One dream featured a shadow person staring over me as I slept, another featured one standing in the corner of the room twisting and contorting its head violently. The third had a shadow figure hunched over near a window within an abandoned building. I was walking through the woods in another nightmare when a whole group of them were peaking at me through the trees. I ran down another hallway and one was behind me. I was in an unknown house and down the hall near the steps, one was charging towards me. Each time, I would wake up and feel unsettled. Charlie would comfort me, but it was always hard to fall back asleep, for I feared I’d be terrorized by the evil onyx creatures wanting nothing more than to consume me in their shadowy force and make my soul rot.

Despite all of my terror and the tiredness that accompanied my days, the focus for today would have to be Thanksgiving dinner.

“My mom mailed me the recipe to her sweet potatoes last week, and let me tell you, they are actually sweet and delicious,” I told Charlie. “So you can put down all the ingredients for that. We already got turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes written down... Oh! Green bean casserole, put that down... and we need apple and pumpkin pie. We already have whip cream and gravy in the fridge, and cider is in the cabinet. I think that’s everything.”

Charlie nodded and wrote these things down. Once he was done, he looked over the list and showed me.

“Yup, that’s everything! Alright, let’s look up to see what Acme has.”

As I pulled up the site on my phone, he spoke up.

“Rosie, are you bothered by not seeing your family? If so, we can visit them on Thanksgiving Day or I could go the extra mile and bring them here if you’d like.”

I sighed and rubbed my temple. “I’m alright, baby. I know they’ll be alright too. Things seem to be... okay between us, even if we did get into arguments since last we spoke in person.”

He looked down and felt guilty.

“Hey, don’t you feel guilty,” I reassured him. “It’s their fault, not yours. They see you in whatever light they want to, but I know who you really are, and I love you. I don’t care what they say or think about you, hence why I’m sticking by you and left with you to come here.”

He nodded and pulled me close to him, resting his chin on my head. “I admit, my darling, I am constantly bothered by this thought that I have destroyed the relationship you have with your family.”

“Like I said, they’re the ones that can’t accept that you and I truly love each other. I’ve been patient and offered them every chance to accept you. I’ve explained and talked to them, but they don’t want to listen to my reasoning. I don’t know what else to do.”

He kissed me on the cheek and said, “I’m glad that you at least still talk to each other.”

“Me too. At least we have that... but let’s not worry about that. We got food to focus on.”

We ordered everything that we could (the only things not available until the week of Thanksgiving were the two pies, but we knew Sam would have them). When the time came, we loaded into the Wraith and the trunk was packed with our dinner. We stopped by the General Store and Sam happily gave “Father Christmas” (as Charlie was known as) the pies. Since it was still light out, we decided to go for a drive to enjoy the autumn weather. As I mentioned before, November is usually dead and brown, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t peaceful and calm. We observed the soothing and cold weather as Fleetwood Mac and The Doors sang along on the old radio.

While gazing at the brown leaves and bare trees rocking their branches above us, I drifted off to sleep without even thinking about it. Stevie Nicks and Jim Morrison’s voices melted into oblivion as I found myself walking through a tranquil forest of dead trees. Cold, I wrapped my arms around myself until I felt a bit warmer, and I saw a grove of orange trees. It was as if I teleported back in time to October, and the trees were still alive with vibrant color.

I ran over to them, taken aback by their beauty. The leaves that were on the ground were still orange, and I tossed them up into the air with childish carelessness. At last! For once, I was having a good dream!

However, that enjoyment would be cut short when I looked into the distance in between the trees. The world and my joy winded down like a dying record player.

From somewhere beyond the misty horizon, a pair of white eyes were watching me.

Dread hit me and I ran away. The trees began to rot again, and the orange faded into brown. The sunlight morphed into fog, and the warmth dissipated from my body. I fell to the ground, tripping over my own clumsy feet.

Now I was somewhere entirely different. I was in a dark, unfamiliar bedroom. I couldn’t move except for my eyes, like I was suffering from sleep paralysis. I looked up to see the shadow figure that was hiding behind the trees. Its white eyes were dimmer than before, and its solid black body cast lighter shadows behind it. I tried to scream, but I could only choke out vocalizations as it covered my mouth.

It lifted its ice cold hand from my mouth and pointed to the left. My eyes glanced in that direction and a scream broke from my throat.

A pointy eared demon with beady eyes, a close together face, and a sickening smile was on top of my chest. Its body was too dark to make out any notable features, but it was lighter than the shadow next to me. The pressure on top of me crushed the life from my lungs. It continued to smile, as if nothing in the world bothered it at all.

Before my scream ran out of air, it wrapped its cold hands around my neck and tightened to the point it was strangling me. The rest of my scream died out, my eye sight was fading until it was only a pinhole...

Air rushed into my lungs as I jolted into a conscience state once again. My eyes darted rapidly and my body clung to the leather seat of the Wraith. We were no longer driving, and instead parked in the garage. A wave of nausea flooded my head and stomach, and I pressed my hand to my eyes. My mind finally registered Charlie’s soft voice.

“Rose! My sweet Rose! Whatever is the matter?”

“I... Jesus Christ... I... had another nightmare... this was... Good God, how else could I describe it?!”

While we gathered the groceries into the house, I detailed my horrifying dream to him. He was immensely disturbed and decided enough was enough.

“I know you believe in ghosts and demons and the sort,” said he, “and I know such things exist, since I’ve seen spirits and souls before. Because of this, you and I can pray before you go to sleep tonight. Unlike other vampires, holy things do not bother me, unless I were to drink or touch holy salt or holy water, in which case I would feel some discomfort thanks to the darker side of my being. I have an old angel doll that my daughters used to play with and hold whenever they felt uncomfortable or scared. That could help you too. I will hypnotize you and make you have sweet dreams. If any dark entity is going to mess with you, I will protect you. I don’t think you have an attachment, but these dreams are certainly unusual.”

I agreed to all of this. That night, we said a prayer together, I snuggled with the angel doll, and he hypnotized me to sleep. I had a dream I couldn’t remember, but it was certainly the most peaceful I had in a while, and it was even better then the beginning of that nightmare I had that evening.

A sense of purity filled my heart, and I knew nothing dark would ever hurt me or anyone I loved, as whatever God that may be out there as my witness.

*************************************************

Thanksgiving arrived at an unbelievably fast rate. No other bad dreams tormented me, and I couldn’t have felt more happy. Charlie and I worked together to prep dinner. When I finished making sure the turkey was good and putting it in the oven, Charlie presented me with a package.

“It’s from your home,” he observed.

I opened it up at the dining room table and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

It was the Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash figurines from my childhood. Underneath them, was a heartfelt letter from my family, detailing how they had recently found these toys and thought of me. They missed me, and they even apologized for all of their harsh words against me and Charlie. They gave it some thought, and they came to the conclusion that as long as I was happy and in love, and as long as Charlie truly loved me and treated me well, then all was perfectly fine. They wished us a very happy Thanksgiving from 2 hours ahead and many miles away.

Tears fell from my cheeks. I was crying of joy for more than the obvious reason being that my family and I were rekindling together.

I realized now why I had such horrible dreams. It was either my worries and fears of my family not being together haunting me, or maybe even some dark force, but Twily and Dashie here weren’t random parts of that first dream at all; they served as symbolism. They represented hope and familial innocence long lost, now brought back to light. Maybe they sent a message out in the universe to my family that Charlie was a good man. That could also be why Orlock was protecting me in that same dream, but him leaving symbolized my family keeping Charlie away from me, therefore causing bad things to happen to me. And perhaps when Charlie helped me and cleansed all darkness (regardless of it being real or not), those ponies knew ahead of time he was going to do that, and reassured my family he was always going to protect me. It sounded bizarre, but it was the best reasoning I could come up with to explain these odd coincidences.

I immediately called my family afterwards and told them everything. They were chilled themselves because my mother had a dream the night before about Charlie bringing forth bouts of light to protect me from a wave of darkness, and she thought it was her brain processing her acceptance of him, but now that my story was told, it made things even clearer.

We concluded talking by coming up with a date to have dinner together and to see each other again back home. We exchanged I love yous and Happy Thanksgivings, and I hung up feeling thankful. As Charlie and I ate a bit of dinner, as we went to Christmasland, and as we ate lots of food with our children, warmth and light abundant, I was grateful that I had the family I did, the boyfriend and children that I did, and the light that still shined in the universe, even on the most darkest of days. This year has been hard, but gratitude for all the good, hope, and love, even when we’re distant figuratively, literally, or both, makes this holiday season a brighter one.

#nos4a2 charlie #nos4a2 fanfic #nos4a2 fanfiction #nos4a2 #charlie manx #charles manx

[antiquecompass]

Untamed Winter Fest Day 23: Gift

Xichen had woken in the middle of the night to a room empty both of his boyfriend and his dog. Even still half-asleep he was able to guess why, so he slipped out of bed, only setting off one of the motion-activated ornaments on the Christmas tree (this year their room’s tree theme was, fittingly, cats and dogs).

The house was silent, unlike most nights during the Jiang Holiday Fortnight of Excess. They always fell silent on Christmas Eve though, from the youngest of the Jiang and Yu relatives to even Wei Ying, never exactly known for his quiet manner. There was something solemn about the night.

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Except for outside.

From the windows in the kitchen, Xichen could spot Jiang Cheng standing towards the water. He had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and eyes trained to the distance. Xichen carefully opened and closed the door behind him, not wanting to disturb the peace of the house inside or Jiang Cheng outside.

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Jiang Cheng asked, even as he held out his arms for Xichen to come and huddle with him and his blanket.

“Isn’t it past yours?” Xichen asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be worried about Santa coming down your chimney?”

“I’ll come down your chimney,” Jiang Cheng scoffed. Then snorted. Then outright laughed. “That sounded better in my head.”

Xichen said nothing, just rested against Jiang Cheng and watched the ocean. Even Sugar had grown still at their feet.

“Okay?” Xichen asked.

Jiang Cheng nodded. “I’ve always loved this time of year. From Thanksgiving through to Valentine’s Day, Mom is actually nice to all of us. She loves winter, always has. Even when we were kids, even when she’d spend hours making cutting remarks about all of us, come Christmas everyone was indulged, even Wei Ying. It’s always been a time of peace in our family.”

Xichen had noticed that; he’d also noticed Mr. Jiang was absent for most of it. Last year he’d barely noticed it, caught up in his first time experiencing this whirlwind. This year it was far more obvious. He’d emerge from the library to play with his grandchildren, but when it was just his grown children and his wife, he’d disappear again.

“Dad basically lives in the library and lets Mom do whatever she wants and somehow it works for them,” Jiang Cheng said. “And she only puts garland and flameless candles in the library so Dad can have his peace. And he just nods and agrees as she starts taking trips out here, every weekend, starting in September, to oversee the decorating progress.” He laughed, though not a joyful sound. “Perhaps that is their gift to each other--a ceasefire and some tolerance.”

Jiang Cheng’s fingers were wrapped around the pendant Xichen had given him hours ago. It was a simple jade lotus pendant, but one Xichen had carved himself.

“Thank you for more than just tolerating me,” he said.

Xichen shifted, wrapping the blanket tighter around them, pulling Jiang Cheng deeper into his arms, letting him lay his head on Xichen’s shoulder, to let him have a moment of weakness, hidden from the rest of the world, just the two of them and the night and Sugar at their feet.

He remembered a conversation they had once, about their parents--their fathers. And Jiang Cheng’s words from then rung in his ears now.

 My father knows how to love those who are easily loveable. He struggles to understand sharp edges. It’s taken me years to realize that’s a failing in him, not me.

Xichen loved Jiang Cheng’s sharp edges. The way he could spit words like knives. The guttural harsh sounds that came out of him when he was on the warpath. The furrow between his brows. The clenched jaw. The fact that a sweet kiss to his cheek could unclench that jaw. A gentle finger across his brow could soothe it. Arms wrapped around him could turn tense shoulders lax. That for Jiang Cheng happiness really was a warm puppy. That sharp edges protected the softest of souls within.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng muttered into his shoulder. “I swear I just came out here to walk Sugar. But the fucking walk from our room to the door through that silent house, it woke-up all the ghosts of Christmas pasts. Each year I’d be so fucking thankful that peace reigned in our family, looked forward to it, anticipated it. And each year by March it was gone.”

March. Over twenty-five years ago Jiang Fengmian disappeared on a sudden business trip and came back with a child, claiming it was his nephew. March remained a fraught month in the family, full of bad memories.

“Anyway,” Jiang Cheng said with a heavy sigh. “Something about Christmas Eve always gets to me because it’s the turning point, you know?”

He straightened up, stealing a kiss, a hint of desperation in him.

Xichen pulled him closer, deeper, pouring into him the words he wanted to say, but Jiang Cheng couldn’t handle hearing right now.

They were silent as they walked back to the house. Jiang Cheng held Sugar while Xichen took care of the blanket. The silence stayed as they entered the house, only breaking when they both heard childish whispers and a creak of the floorboards near the nursery.

Jiang Cheng pressed Sugar into Xichen’s arms as he stealthily crept up the stairs, keeping to the shadows, until he was looming over both Yuan and Ling.

Xichen had to press his face into Sugar’s fur to keep himself from laughing loud enough for them to hear.

“Why do I find a little bun and a little peachick out of bed?” Jiang Cheng asked. He quickly caught both boys before they could fall over. “Don’t you know Santa won’t come until you’ve slept?”

“But we already slept!” Jin Ling said.

“You need to sleep some more,” Jiang Cheng said as he scooped up both boys.

“But Uncle!” Yuan said. “I can see our stockings from here!”

“Well, that’s because the elves have to come and check the house first,” Jiang Cheng said as he carried the boys towards the nursery. “They fill up the stockings as a sign that this house has good children who are asleep in their beds.”

“The elves are everywhere,” Yuan said.

Jiang Cheng nodded. “I won’t tell them, if you won’t. We’ll just all go back to our beds and not come out until,” he turned to Xichen with a smirk. “Five? Isn’t that right?”

Xichen nodded. “Standard Lan time. Perfect hour to greet the dawn.”

His brother, and possibly Yanli, were going to kill him. But he couldn’t imagine that the boys would stay in their beds for much longer than that, not when they knew full stockings and presents were downstairs.

He waited there, on the stairs, listening as Jiang Cheng put both the boys to bed, gave into Jin Ling’s demand for a bedtime story, and Yuan’s for a song.

Sharp edges covering the softest of souls; a man so full of love, even growing up with those parents, because those three siblings banded together and protected each other after a rocky start. They were inseparable. He remembered watching the boys from his place next to his uncle, their first summer at Cloud Recesses. They’d cried when they had to leave Yanli, and she cried leaving them. And here they were now, so many years later, still inseparable, still so deeply connected, still so protective and full of love for each other.

It made this house, even with all its ridiculous decor, feel like a home. Lived-in, well-loved, full of good memories.

Jiang Cheng softly closed the door to the nursery and greeted him with a small smile.

It made Xichen’s pulse jump with the anticipation of getting to taste those lips again, hold him close, breathe him in.

“Why are you still standing there?”

“Waiting for you,” he said.

And he would always wait for him, as long as there was still life in him. Because the man before him wasn’t his entire world, or his entire family, but he was the one who made it all the more worth it, all the more fun, all the more tolerable.

He’d spent years mourning a love he’d never thought he’d get to experience. Resigned to a life of duty and trying to survive on the fantasies of what could have been, in another time, if things had worked out in different ways.

And somehow, someway, life--fate--Jiang Cheng himself--had given him this gift of a man before him.

Love wasn’t a strong enough word, but it was the best one he had for now.

“I love you,” he whispered, in the silence of the night.

“I love you too,” Jiang Cheng said, a gift always freely given. “Now, let’s try to get some sleep.”

#untamed winter fest #long post #day 23 #xicheng #fandom: the untamed #verse: lahl #fic: hold me like you want me #my ridic writing

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

In which Cameron, Donna, Haley, and Joanie put up and decorate their Christmas tree

[CN: food, drink]

It’s the first week of December 1995, and Donna gets home a little early from work, and as she goes up to the kitchen, she hears Joanie ask Cameron, “Hey, so did Mom tell you that we’re trimming the tree on Sunday?” It’s mere days after a busy, emotional, but mostly lovely Thanksgiving weekend, and Cameron doesn’t say anything. Joanie says, “You’ll be there, right? I mean, you’ll be here anyway, for ‘work’ or whatever, won’t you?”

Donna, who’d decided to not risk scaring Cameron off with a firm invitation and had instead hoped that she would wander in as usual while they were decorating and then casually join them, gets up to the kitchen just in time to see Cameron’s eyes widen in panic, and feel her own face turn red. Hastily, she insists, “It’s not really that big a deal! It’s just gonna be us, putting up some decorations, and having popcorn and hot cocoa. And you don’t have to stay if you don’t want, you’re free to have an early night, go home after dinner.”

With an exaggerated and clearly uncomfortable shrug, and her voice an octave higher than usual, Cameron says, “Oh, sure, okay? Yeah. Cool. That should be great?” They don’t talk about it again for the rest of the evening. 

But Cameron returns that Sunday, of course, and she does wind up staying, until well after dinner. When she gets there, their artificial tree is already set up in the back corner of the living room, near the sliding doors that lead out to the pool, where a huge planter used to sit, and boxes of decorations have already been stacked on the armchair near the tree, spilling over to the nearest corner of the couch. When Joanie and Haley start opening the boxes of decorations after dinner, chatting and laughing together, Cameron suddenly finds herself unwilling to leave. Donna goes to put on some sweatpants, Joanie puts on some music, and before Cameron knows what’s happening, she’s unwrapping pieces of their nativity set while Haley unfurls a string of white lights. 

The lights are ready by the time Donna returns, feet slippered and hair pulled back into a bouncy ponytail, and she carefully wraps them around the tree while Haley and Joanie look for the tinsel (read: Haley looks, and Joanie ‘supervises’ her). Donna makes it looks easy, but she jokes, “Your father hated any and all decorations that involved lights, and I used to call him a grinch for it, but now I get it.” Long ropes of silver tinsel are next, and by that point, Cameron has helpfully pulled an excessive number of gold, silver, green, and red glass ball ornaments out of their protective old newspaper packaging. There are also dated ‘baby’s first Christmas’ ornaments for both Joanie and Haley, an ‘our first Christmas together’ ornament from the year Donna and Gordon got married, and a variety of Peanuts character ornaments.

Cameron lets Donna and the girls do most of the ornament placement, not wanting to get underfoot. She sits on the floor, a few feet away, surrounded by boxes, until Donna says, “Have you seen…?” just before she starts digging through their boxes of ornaments herself. After a minute, she says, “Here it is! Here, come hang this one!” Cameron gets up slowly and walks over to the tree, dusting off her jeans, and takes the ornament from Donna by its ribbon. It’s a tiny figurine of a little boy in red pajamas sitting at a computer — and an old one, it looks very much like the one Cameron wrote the BIOS on in 1983 — typing up a letter that says, “Dear Santa, I’ve been very, very, very good.” Even she has to it admit that it’s pretty darn cute, and she hangs it from an elbow height branch. Donna hands her a next ornament, and says, “Happy Holidata, Cam.” 

Cameron looks at it, and it’s another computer, but a slightly more recent model, and two white mice, one of them sitting on top of the monitor, and the other perched on the opposite edge of the keyboard. The monitor screen says, “Happy Holidata.” Cameron grins, and says, “Happy holidata to you too, Donna.” 

Before long, the tree is fully trimmed, they’re all admiring it from the kitchen. While Donna is fixing their snacks, Joanie presents Cameron with her own large red velvet Christmas stocking, ‘Cam’ lettered on its white cuff in what looks like shimmery gold 3D fabric paint. Embarrassed, Cameron tries to wave her away, “Oh, no, you don’t have to do that….”

As the popcorn starts to pop, Donna quips, “Looks like it’s already done,” and then turns her attention to microwaving their butter.

Cameron takes the stocking from Joanie and looks at it. She frowns, “I can’t remember the last time I had one of these.”

Nose wrinkling in judgement, Joanie says, “Did you and Tom just like, not do stockings? Or is that not a thing in Japan?” 

Cameron sighs, “He had a stocking, at his mom’s house, which is where we always went. They kept forgetting to make mine, and when I said that sometimes it felt like it was intentional after three years, Tom told me that I was being childish.” 

Haley silently mouths a shocked ‘wow,’ and Joanie, outraged, says, “WELL, we didn’t forget, so your stocking will be hung with care here in the living room, on Mom’s weird modern fire place thing.”

Cameron opens her mouth to say something, but then stops, and then starts again, “But wait, won’t that be like, confusing? If my stocking is in your living room? When I don’t live here? I mean, like. For…Santa?”

Haley and Joanie both turn to look at Cameron as if she’s just asked the most ridiculous question. Donna, who’s just gotten a large bowl from the cabinet, puts it down so she can place her hands on island counter and nail Cameron with a very boardroom-type glare. In the most serious voice Cameron has heard her use since the night she left Mutiny, Donna says, “I’m sorry, are you suggesting that Santa Claus and his team of experienced professionals can’t figure this out? Do you think yours will be the first non-resident stocking situation for which they’ve had to prepare?” 

Cameron is so shocked that she momentarily actually wonders if Donna might have information regarding the existence of Santa Claus that she isn’t privy to. She thinks to herself, “I mean I wouldn’t put it past her…” and then, feeling silly, Cameron says, “No, you’re right, that sounds very obvious now that you’ve said it out loud.” Both Haley and Joanie struggle not to laugh, and then Cameron says, “But what if…I mean, I’m not sure I’ll be here on the 25th?”

Donna’s face falls. “What do you mean, you’re not sure you’ll be here? Were you invited somewhere else?”

Feigning only a little more outrage than she feels, Joanie says, “What, is there some other hot middle aged mom with two charming teenage daughters that you’ve been hanging out with?”

“Joanie Marie!” Donna hisses.

Cameron and Haley finally laugh at this, though, and Cameron says, “No, you guys are the only hot middle aged mom and charming kids in my life.” (Joanie glances over at her mom, and sees her blush.) “But I didn’t know…I didn’t want to assume that I was invited, that’s all.”

Exasperated, Donna sighs, “Of course you’re invited. Will you grace us with your presence on Christmas Day, then?”

Cameron wishes she could sound believably excited or even happy, but that’s something she’s never been very good at, so instead, she quietly says, “Sure, I would love to.”

Joanie says, “Well, now that that’s finally settled…” and goes over to the fireplace, and hangs all of their stockings. The popcorn is ready and waiting in its bowl (Cameron adds more salt to it), and Donna is pouring out mugs of cocoa (Cameron adds too many marshmallows to hers). 

Joanie comes back, picks up her mug, and says, “Okay, so what are we toasting to, then?”

Donna raises her mug, and says, “To my kids thinking that I’m a hot middle aged mom.”

Joanie rolls her eyes, and says, “It’s just objectively true, Mom, don’t get a big head over it. Um, okay, here, to found family?”

Haley adds, “And to celebrating with them, even though sometimes it feels sad.”

They all raise their mugs, and say, “To found family, and to celebrating with them,” and they drink.

#it's possible that the biggest challenge i've dealt with while writing fic? is figuring out where the FVCK donna put the tree #i don't understand her house! i love it but i don't get it! #*cameron howe breaking through clouds like mufasa* YOU HAVE TO PUT YOURSELF IN THE PHYSICAL SPACE OF THE ROOM! #*cameron howe breaking through clouds like mufasa" you have to THINK ABOUT THE PHYSICAL SPACE OF THE ROOM! #anyways happy holidays guys!!! #fic #fanfiction #cameron howe #donna clark #donna emerson #haley clark #joanie clark

[amygeeunit]

The Quarantine Chronicles: These Last Five Years & What I Thought I Wanted

There’s nothing like being alone in your own thoughts at 1:00am in the midst of a global pandemic... Instead of aimlessly scrolling through my Instagram timeline or checking my bank account with all the money I have saved from not going out, I’ve had time to think about what the 28 year old, almost 29 year old Amy needs versus wants...

I think in high school or at some point in our lives we have all fallen victim to “By the time I’m age this, I want to have x, y and z.” At 16, I thought at 25 I would have my life 85% figured out. Pretty funny concept now that you think about it, right? I actually laugh at how naive or how troublesome it is to have these unrealistic goals and tag an age onto them... I pictured myself living in a nice apartment, potentially dating someone, or if not just focusing on my career. Fast forward to 2020, besides this year being a complete clusterf*ck, I’ve had extra time to sit down and think of these last five years in a nutshell.

All I remember from 2015 was going to Vegas, still working in retail, having foot surgery and getting into CSUF. The rest is foggy because it’s been five years. Huh? I thought 2015 was last year...

2016 seemed to be one of my better years. I started at CSUF, went to Iceland, interned at Rastaclat, ended up getting a job at Rastaclat, entered into my first serious relationship, moved back out to Orange County and felt like at 24 - 25 I was killing the game (or so I thought.)

2017 wasn’t too bad. I graduated from CSUF in the spring, went to Oahu, continued on in my relationship and spent a majority of my time focusing on my career.

2018 is when life started to get real interesting. My pup, Ben G, passed away while I was out in Illinois visiting my cousin (long story to save for another post,) I started a new job at Pretty Great LLC, traveled to escape 99% of the time, started taking birth control that made me bloated, emotional and feel weird and moved back to Moreno Valley. During this time, my relationship started to crumble due to lack of communication, the wave of grief I was experiencing and everything in else in between that couples go through. I started going to therapy in July and in August, I had my first panic attack. In September, I decided I needed to get as far away from my life as possible. I booked a flight to Japan to visit Sarah since she was stationed out in Yokosuka. Yokosuka has a naval base and is about an hour from Tokyo. I talked to my boss at work a few weeks prior and asked for a week and a half off. Luckily, he was one of the most understanding and best people I have ever worked for in my career so far. Most bosses would have told you to “Get over it” or “Figure it out.” Rob Myers was a saving grace for me that year for letting me have my time off to not think about life. 

While I was in Japan, I remember the time change messing me up quite a bit. I think it took around three days for me to finally be okay without passing out in the middle of the day. In short, this trip changed me. It changed how I traveled, it changed how I process emotions, it changed my outlook on life, it changed many things for me. I came back from this trip and my relationship was virtually over. I didn’t know how to feel, I didn’t know what to do, it just sort of fizzled like a candle using its last part of the wick. October came and I spent my birthday in Big Bear with my parents. I remember crying in the cabin when we got back from Octoberfest. I don’t think it really hit me that I was single, with no friends around and that 27 was already a shit show on day 1. I visited my best guy friend and his sisters in Arizona at the end of October to make up for the previous weekend. I had no idea that November could get any worse for me, but it did. It was two days before Thanksgiving, November 20th, 2018. 

I was driving from Moreno Valley to Santa Ana one morning on my way to work. I took my normal route, left at my normal time, a pretty standard commute. About 2 miles from work, I was at a stop light. At this stop light I waited for about 30 seconds while the other cars went. The light turned green. As I was pressing my gas to accelerate, out of nowhere, a semi truck plows its way through the intersection and t-bones my driver’s side. I remember screaming. I remember it being like a scene from a Final Destination movie where the victim doesn’t know that death or uncertainty is upon them. In that moment, I remember thinking “This is it.” My reflexes shifted real quick and that was it. I remember pulling off to the side of the road leading up to the 5 freeway. I felt like my soul left my body for seconds then came back. I was shaking. I called my dad first and let him know what had happened. I called my mom and then the insurance company. I exchanged words and information with the driver. I remember being upset, but I couldn’t yell or get any words out. I just went by the protocol of what to do when you get involved with an accident. Sure, I have been rear ended before, but never t-boned and let alone by a damn semi truck. This accident passed, I was awarded some half ass money and in the midst of it all, I remember being so mentally drained that I cried out for help on Instagram Stories... I remember going through survivors guilt. I remember saying to myself “Why am I still here? There are people that die in accidents or by drunk/distracted drivers all the time... Why do I still have to live this life of pain and suffering?” In my mind and in 2018, I never knew how to take pain and suffering very well. I didn’t know it would shape me for what these next couple years would throw at me. 

December came and went. It was like a sigh of relief for me to know that the vicious cycle of the 2018 rollercoaster was coming to an end. At this point, I kind of gave zero f*cks as to what happened in life. A few days before Christmas, I visited my Grandma in Illinois and my grandparents’ grave site. I think my trip to Illinois was some type of closure to my 2018 year. I hadn’t been back to Illinois since my Grandma’s funeral in 2011. It was a cold and frigid trip. It was the first trip I had ever driven by myself. The only cool thing was running into Ja Rule at the Palm Springs Airport (before the Fyre Festival documentary came out, otherwise I would have yelled at him.) He was on my flight to Chicago. Jeffrey Atkins, you sneaky motherfucker, you! How I wish I would have known about you tricking people with that one guy... I ordered a “Survived 2018″ crewneck from this small online business store, went to Disneyland with my mom on Christmas and threw caution to the wind.

2019 was interesting, but not as heavy as 2018. I called 2019 the year where I  “rushed to get back to normalcy.” I realized the commute to PG was getting tiring pretty fast, I accepted being single and got back into dance. Dance saved my life, point blank. Whether it was subbing, teaching, training or being on a team, it brought back a sense of joy and also established new friendships along the way. I started a job at a marketing agency in March 2019 that was a short commute and about 6 months in, I realized this was something I wasn’t a fan of. It took me a while to realize that that was okay to feel uneasy about the jobs I once knew.

If I had to rate 2019 on a point scale, I would say it was a 6/10. I felt like the last few months I was suppose to be back to normal and healed from a lot of things I kept to myself. Dating people was weird because 1. I felt behind. What I mean by that was I thought by age 27 - 28, I would have met my “person,” by now. As I seen other friends get proposed to, plan their weddings and start their families, I started to feel like the odd woman out. Was there something wrong with me? Am I that complicated or hard to love? Are my values not aligning with people I like? Am I going to be that person that gets married at 40 or even at all? Will I always be the friend and not the potential girlfriend or wife? Who knows? 2. The reciprocity factor of it all and setting boundaries. 3. I don’t think I ever got over everything that had happened in my first relationship because we never cheated on each other, our trust when out without each other was never questioned and there was a best friend component in it. I was filled with regret, frustration and memories I forced myself to black out even after going to therapy and journaling it. Fact: I dread my birthday each year. I don’t like my birthday in general, but October I have mixed emotions about. The anniversary of my Grandma’s death is on 10/13, my Grandpa’s birthday is 10/14 and my birthday is 10/20. I spent the last couple months of 2019 drinking more than usual, especially after my friend, Beka, passed away suddenly in November. December came and went. I had my first trip to Puerto Vallarta and enjoyed some much needed beach time. I had this “idea” that I would move to the east coast with Sarah because I wanted to start over. That idea went out the window. I ended 2019 with buying a new car after having paid off my Kia Forte back in 2016.

It’s now 2020 and boy... It has been a shit show for the world I feel like. I can’t even begin to describe what a rollercoaster of emotions everyone is feeling right now, but I do have one word for me personally: gratitude. I started off the year so uneasy with finding out my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer again for a second time. I remember going into February with no expectations, yet I had expectations (weird right?) Without going into too much detail I felt like that quote by DJ Khaled saying “Congratulations, you played ya self!” I was constantly frantic about work, friendships, relationships, my future, dance, my parents, basically everything. I was a walking, talking ball of stress. March came around and I downloaded Bumble (yup, I went there) and matched with a really nice guy who actually knew two of my nurse friends. Then, COVID-19 was in full effect in the states and suddenly the idea of dating or wanting any kind of human interaction made me cringe... I had to politely excuse myself and move on. I checked in on friends and they checked in on me. 

I’ve spent more time with my parents, more time on myself and then it finally clicked: I am where I need to be in this exact moment. I don’t want to date anyone in quarantine, I don’t want to understand or have expectations for another human like I’ve been searching for these last 6 months. What the fuck, Amy? You are everything you need right now and it is not in another person. I’ve danced in quarantine, I’ve cried in quarantine, I’ve laughed in quarantine, I’ve journaled in quarantine, I’ve found myself again in quarantine. As easy as it sounds for most people, the concept is quite large. Since I was 18 years old, I have ALWAYS wanted to live by myself and try it out. It’s ten years later and in the midst of this uncertain time period, I know that 2020 is the year that I finally accomplish this. So, in short, 2021 I’ll be back on the “dating” field or whatever, but 2020 is my year to literally work. on. myself. This includes: my relationship with myself, my relationship with my friends, family, acquaintances, coworkers, etc., my health regiment, my mental health, my physical health, my emotional health, I think you get the point, right? In a time where some of us feel alone, I feel secure. My days vary and maybe I’ll post something tomorrow where I say “That post was trash, quarantine was terrible,” and while it is on most days, I’m so grateful to connect more deeply with people on a spiritual and conversational level. I was tired of hiding behind my day-to-day busy routine when I finally came to terms with myself.

We are all in this together. We are all processing what we need and want. I use this blog as a way to express and share what so many people keep to themselves. Maybe you can relate, maybe you think I’m too out there. Either way, to each their own. 

Until next time.

#quarantine #quarantinechronicles #bloggingfromquarantine

[uschi-the-listener]

Why I Live in the Desert

...or, And So, It's Come to This...

I live in the Desert not far from Palm Springs. Parts of it are very pretty, and in winter, it's almost bearable. Most of the year, though, the water coming from the cold water tap is hotter than what comes from the hot water tap. People wear hats from necessity. A broken air conditioner is considered an emergency and landlords can be fined and/or jailed for not having it fixed or replaced within a very short time. The sun is a blistering presence. People run outside and dance if it rains, and it goes for many months, sometimes years, without raining. Dogs can't walk on the sidewalk and you can get serious burns if you bump up against a black vehicle with your bare skin. Rubber-soled shoes and bicycle tires can melt. Water is rationed. Lawns are brown and prickly. The local wildlife is scowling, aggressive, often venomous, and will eat your cat if you leave it outside at night. People born here are insular, leathery, and terse.

Why on earth anyone else lives here is a mystery to me. I know why I'm here and it's a long story. Not a shaggy-dog one, however, because a shaggy dog would die of heat stroke. It starts with a very bad job.

I was working the night shift for a televangelist, reading Prayer Requests and helping bilk the poor and stupid. I couldn't take much more and some of my comments and attitudes were making me unpopular with the boss, a millionaire, but a very small fish in the pond of TV preachers. I was newly married and my husband's business was starting to pay us a living wage, so he suggested I quit and take some time off. Before this, I had been supporting us with a series of bad jobs. My first degree was a Bachelor of Arts degree in English, which does not come with a line of employers waiting to hire the newly graduated. So working at the televangelist's night after night was at least sitting down. But otherwise repulsive.

So I quit. There still weren't many jobs in the area for English majors; we are educated and know how to read and write, do research and punctuate, but that's a rarefied atmosphere in today's job market, and apparently you have to know somebody to scale those heights. I didn't. I still don't.

After playing around, developing social media accounts and wasting a considerable amount of time, and helping with my husband's paperwork, I was ready for something else. He suggested I go back to school. There were a few things I'd always wanted to do, and they required advanced degrees. I knew I couldn't go on doing a very busy but somewhat unsatisfying version of Nothing Much, so I did. I went back for my master's degree. I achieved it, and started looking around.

I had been out of school for a little while, not finding work for interns in my field, but having a lot of enthusiasm for it. It was beginning to look like I'd be back to helping with paperwork and playing around online when my husband started experiencing terrible indigestion. He still loved food and ate well at every meal but his stomach felt bad and looked bad and all the Alka-Seltzer in the world was beginning to not make any difference. So, being a Veteran, he booked a quick appointment at the VA hospital for a check-up. He had been going regularly for blood pressure issues, but as nothing had ever seemed out of place, he was left to wonder about his stomach.

We went together. It was the Friday before Thanksgiving in 2014. The doctor asked him some questions, did a CAT scan, and scheduled an MRI immediately after seeing the results. The diagnosis was pancreatic cancer, Stage 4, that had begun to metastasize into his liver, his stomach, his bones, and a few other places. There had been no indication of any kind until he stopped being able to digest his food. It was inoperable. They were going to treat it with chemotherapy and get him hooked up to a feeding tube that bypassed his stomach. We held each other and cried.

I learned how to take care of him, but more was necessary. It was urgent, now that the main breadwinner in the family was no longer able to either win bread or eat it. He was able to get some social security disability money, but it was barely even enough to cover our rent, so it was imperative that I find something. Something that could support us both, as an intern.

He was a piano tuner/technician and covered the counties of Riverside, Los Angeles, San Bernardino, Orange, a little San Diego, and Ventura now and then. He had loyal clients all over Southern California. He was very good at his job, with over 40 years of experience, a sunny disposition, and realistic rates. He tuned for individuals as well as institutions and was friendly with all his customers. If he didn't like somebody, he passed them on to another tuner. There aren't enough tuners for the number of pianos in the country, so it's easy enough to pick and choose among customers. So he called in favors with people he knew who were even remotely related to my field.

He only found one job opening, which was in the desert, not far from where I'm living now. We lived two hours away at that time, but we had a reasonably good car and I was eager to work at what I'd been learning. So I interviewed and took it. It was a pretty good job; I was eventually promoted, and survived the commute, the invalid care when I came home, and was grateful.

And then he died.

He died at the very end of the month. He had been diagnosed at the end of November and by the end of August, he was dead. The check we had been counting on for the rent from SSDI was taken back and I was left with nothing. Devastated. At one swoop, I had lost my best friend and all my security. Credit was already all maxed out. I appealed to friends for loans of rent money, and my employer, a saint, asked people to pool their earned days off so I would have paid time to complete a move. 

It took a little while, but eventually somebody at work found an apartment that needed to be sub-let as the current resident had to leave the country. I suspected some kind of shady dealings, because I was left with a couple of shabby recliners, a very nice queen-size bed, and 5 huge old-style television sets. I asked no questions, was told no lies, and signed the lease. My son helped me move over the course of a weekend. It was not fun or good and my pets were pretty unhappy about it as well. I was grieving and barely able to function, though I went right back to work almost immediately.

This was in Autumn, shortly after the Hot Season, heading into the Not As Hot Season. It's been nearly 4 years since the move. I've weathered 130 degrees Fahrenheit and scorpions, vinegaroons, coyotes, and snakes. Lost jobs, lost friends, and loneliness. I've lived alone all this time, with only my little dog for company. I've worked at several jobs here in my chosen field in various capacities. Currently, I'm out of work, applying for jobs, not finding anything suitable, as the economy, at least for poor and middle class people, gradually sinks deeper into the toilet. So I'm back to playing around with my online friends and writing.

That's how it happened. Feel free to comment or just hit the Like button. I'm easily pleased. Send Nudes. I like dick pics. And Asks. 

#California desert

[olicitysecretsanta]

True identity

Happy Holidays to @smoakmonster. Hope you’ll enjoy some nice Smoak-Queen-Clayton holiday goodness.

Summary: It’s time for the holiday’s and William is quite nervous to introduce his new significant other to his family.

Rate: G  Genre: Future Fic

William stops at the threshold of the kitchen and smiles at the site before him. His father is at the stove cooking what he’s sure is another delicious meal, while his little sister and stepmother are at the dining table icing sugar cookies. It’s an image he misses seeing.

  He’s been living at Ivy University for almost four years now, yet he still feels like that little boy who was sent away to boarding school anxious about his family’s safety. That’s why every time he sees them well and happy, he always breathes a sigh of relief. It’s irrational considering his parents are literal superheroes that are more than capable of protecting themselves. But that constant feeling of worry never truly goes away, no matter how much has changed in the past few years.

  William hasn’t been back home since that one weekend back in October when he surprised his baby sister with a visit for her birthday. Before that, it was during summer vacation. Since it’s his last year and trying to wrap up his senior year of college, he’s busy as ever. He didn’t even have time to come home during Thanksgiving, something his family was disappointed about but understood. 

  That’s why he’s making as much of an effort to be with them now. After all the crap they’ve been through, William has developed a sort of separation anxiety when it comes to his family, especially after his baby sister’s born. He’s learned to grow out of it… mostly. But not seeing them for that long has made him want to spend time with them whenever he can.

  Also, he wants this feeling of being with his family before… well before everything changes between them.

  His little sister’s the first one to notice him. She looks up from the cookie she’s decorating and her face lights up.

  “Will!” she squeals, immediately jumping off the chair and runs over to him, tackling him with a hug.

  “Hey there monkey.” he says affectionately, lifting her up.

  “Mia, be careful not to get any icing on your brother.” Felicity says warningly as she wipes her own hand with a hand towel.

  “It’s okay, i don’t mind.” he truly doesn’t. His baby sister is one of the many joys of his life and he will take every tackle hug he can get from her.

  Their lives in the past ten years have been a roller coaster to say the least. It’s been filled with so much tragedy and heartache; his baby sister being born had been like a light shining down on them, giving them the hope they needed to move past everything. For him especially. He’s experienced so many losses in his life that having this baby, representing the love of his family, has become his saving grace.

  His baby sister is still clinging on to him, both of her legs wrap around his torso as her arms wrap around his neck. It’s easier now since her limbs have grown a couple of inches. It’s amazing how much she has grown since the last time he’s seen her. Mia’s only seven and she’s already growing at a rapid pace, it’s enough to make him feel homesick.

  “Still, Mia needs to learn manners, even if you are her brother.”

  Mia immediately shakes her head, burying her face on the crook of his brother’s neck. She’s just as needy for her big brother. Felicity sighs, knowing no amount of scolding will get her daughter to separate from him.

  “How are you, honey?” she asks her son, kissing his temple and ruffling his hair, something she always did ever since he was a kid. “Are you feeling all better now?”

  “Yeah i’m good, I guess I just needed the rest.”

  “What’s going on? You’re never usually this tired after your trip. Is everything okay, hun?”

  William tenses for a moment, wondering if his stepmother has caught on to what’s been brewing in his head. But when he sees the genuine worry on her face, he realizes it’s just her being concerned and he relaxes a little.

  “I’m fine.” he croaks out, giving her a timid smile. “Really, I think this semester is just starting to get to me.”

  Felicity smiles at him warmly “I’m sure you’re doing great, sweety.”

  “I hope so.” he sighs. Though the pressure’s of his last year in college is always looming in the back of his mind, it wasn’t exactly the reason why he’s so nervous.

  “Will come help decorate the cookies with us!” Mia suddenly pipes up, pulling her head off the crook of his neck. “Please, please, please!”

  “Hey what about me?” Oliver’s voice pipes up from the stove, looking at the three of them with a feign pout on his face. “Why’s nobody helping me?”

  “Because you’re a control freak in the kitchen, hon.”

  “Only because my options for sous chef is our 7 year old daughter and… well you.”

  Felicity looks at him offended.

  “Oh come on, honey, let’s not pretend here. You’re amazing at a lot of things, but cooking is not one of them.”

  “But I want to decorate cookies with Will!”

  “Hey little monkey,” Will says to his sister gently. “How bout you decorate cookies with mom and i’ll cook with dad. I’ll be right behind you the whole time.”

  Mia continues to pout but nods nonetheless. Her hold on his loosens and Will lets her down gently. He walks over to his dad by the stove, welcoming a hug from him before he’s put to work, helping with chopping the vegetables.

  The whole counter is filled with all sorts of food, prepped and ready to be cooked. In six hours from now, their whole friends and family will arrive for their holiday dinner. Their family alternates every year on who hosts the Christmas dinner. It just so happens that this year, not only is it their turn, but Christmas Eve is also the first day of Hanukkah so their menu also includes all of Felicity’s favorite Hanukkah food. Even the holiday cookies Felicity and Mia are decorating are more Hanukkah themed than the usual red and green Christmas theme from before.

  Normally they would have a small dinner on the first day of Hanukkah as it usually falls separately from Christmas. The 25th would be when their whole extended family and friends join them for a big feast. But on those years when the two holiday’s combine, they always turn it into a big celebration. Needless to say the food prep this year is insane and Oliver can only do so much on his own.

  “This is a lot. It seems a lot more than last time.” Will notices.

  “It’s a special year.” was all Oliver says as he stirs the pot.

  “Are any of these for the homeless shelter as well?”

  “No, Dig’s already dropped those off today.”

  “So why so much food. How many people are coming this year?”

  “Just the normal lot. Your Uncle Dig’s family, Rene, Curtis, Dinah and their family. And of course, your Alex.”

  At that, William’s breath hitches.

  “We weren’t sure what food Alex likes so your father thought to just cook everything,” Felicity adds.

  He looks at his parents, expecting them to grill him some more, but both Oliver and Felicity are in their own little world. His father stirring whatever’s he’s cooking and Felicity frosting the cookies with Mia. They are still none the wiser.

  He and Alex have been dating for a couple of months now though they’ve known each other for years. Ever since sophomore year of college when he became Alex’s tutor, the two have been friends. The beginning of this school year, they finally took the plunge and started dating.

  Now Alex is coming to their Holiday party and officially meet his parents and William is absolutely terrified of the outcome. It’s the first time he’s brought someone home since… well since his high school girlfriend and that one didn’t count since his family already knows her. It’s a pretty big deal for his family and for him too, but for completely different reasons.

  “I’m sure Alex will like anything you guys make.”

  “Still, we want to make sure Alex feels at home here.” his father says sincerely.

  William swallows a large lump in his throat. It almost makes him want to break down at his father’s words. He doesn’t know how much those words mean to him and only hop they still hold true when Alex comes.

  “So when is Alex getting here?” Felicity asks.

  “Uumm… any minute now.” he checks his SQ Smart Watch for the last message letting him know the ETA. “Zoe went to pick Alex up at the train station, they’re already on their way here.”

  “Isn’t it a little bit strange that your ex-girlfriend is picking Alex up?”

  William shrugs. “I don’t think it is. Zoe’s known about Alex since before we got together and she’s cool with it.”

  “I don’t mean about Zoe.”

  “Alex’s  fine with it too.” he assures his father. “Alex knows how important Zoe is to me and everything we went through. Well not all the gory details, but, you know.”

  Having experienced trauma like he and Zoe did, it was something that brought them together in their teenage years. They leaned on each other whenever their city and family were being terrorized. Zoe’s his best friend, the one person outside of his family he would go through the end of the world for. His love for her never went away, it only grew. Though it didn’t grow into romance like they expected it would, neither did her love for him, but what they have now is special.

  When he first started liking Alex, she’s the first person he called. They were already broken up, but still remained close friends. Whenever there’s something going on in his life that he doesn’t want to talk to his parents with, Zoe’s always that person he turns to. Knowing he has her support has made this whole thing easy.

  “Oh come on, honey, it’s not like it’s the strangest thing in the world for his ex girlfriend and current boyfriend to be friends.” Felicity says with a snort. “Do you realize how many of your ex-girlfriend I’m friends with. And how many of my ex boyfriends you’re friends with.”

  “As I recall, it’s only the one.” Oliver retorts. “Just Sara… and your ex-boyfriend Ray.”

  “What about Laurel and Barry?”

  “Laurel doesn’t count, she’s a doppelganger-”

  “Yeah but I was also friends with our Laurel. She was gonna be my bridesmaid for pete’s sake.”

  “And Barry also doesn’t count, you two went on like one date.”

  “We went on a couple dates only, I admit that, but it was enough for you not to like him at first.” she says, giving him a teasing look. “And now he’s one of your best friends. Just like i’m sure Zoe and Alex can be friends too. Besides, they kind of have to be because it’s not like Zoe’s gonna be out of our lives any time soon, right hon?”

  She looks over at her son with a beaming smile, as though this is one of those moments when they gang up on Oliver together. Though all she sees is her son, his face pale white and his eyes widen in shock.

  “Are you alright Will? Why are you -” then she gasps and clasp her mouth. Her eyes widen, looking back and forth between her son and husband. She realized her slip up. “I’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to spill the beans.”

  “How… how did you…” Will stammers, his hand starting to shake.

  “Here, let me take that.” Oliver says gently, taking the cauliflower in his hand and putting it on the chopping board. “Mia, why don’t you go play with the tablet in the living room?”

  His daughter immediately whips her head around to look at him, a scowl on her face. “But i’m decorating the cookies, Daddy!”

  “I know, but your mom and I need to talk to your brother for a minute.”

  “Why can’t I stay and talk too?”

  “Cause this is grown up stuff we need to talk to Will first.”

  “Is this about his boyfriend? I already know about that.” the young girl rolls her eyes.

  “Moira Elizabeth Queen,” Felicity says in her sternest mom voice. “Listen to your father please. We just need a moment to speak to your brother.”

  “Fine.” the young girl sighs and steps off the chair. “But I’m watching Doctor Who on the tablet.”

  “One episode.”

  Mia didn’t respond, which probably means she’ll try to download more than one episode. Right now Felicity can’t really manage her daughter’s watching habits as she needs to make sure her son is alright first. As soon as their daughter is out of sight, she turns to her son.

  “Oh honey, i’m so sorry.” she says apologetically. “I didn’t mean to take this away from you. I know you wanted to tell us on your own terms.”

  Her hand rubs his arms in a comforting manner, the way she always does whenever he’s feeling anxious. The feel of it made William feel a little bit better, but his head is still wrapping around the fact that his parents know.

  “How did you… know? That Alex is… ” he couldn’t finish the sentence.

  He feels his mouth going dry and his eyes burning with unshed tears. He didn’t think this is how it would happen. He had mentally prepared for this, gone over in his head how he wanted this to go. He expected to sit down his parents and break it down to them slowly. Never did he expect for them to already know.

  “A boy?” Oliver finishes for him. “We’ve known since you told us you were dating him, Will.”

  “But… How?”

  Felicity shrugs, looking over at her husband. The two share a look, one that Will has seen a million times before. It’s the one where it looks like they’re exchanging words with just a look. Will has never been able to decode it, and now he’s even more nervous knowing the subject they’re most likely communicating about to each other.

  “We just knew.” Felicity says simply. “We knew something about you had changed. And the way you talked about Alex, it was different. Besides, you also mentioned Alex before and you definitely referenced him as a boy.”

  “I did?”

  “Mh-hm. We listen to you, Will. He’s the boy you tutored two years ago, right? You wouldn’t stop talking about him back then. Whenever we spoke to you on the phone it was always Alex this and Alex that. Back then I swore you had a crush on him. I guess i was right.”

  Will blushes at that. He didn’t realize how transparent he had been. “You guys knew back then?”

  “We suspected it.” Oliver says. “We didn’t know if you were just admiring your friend or if there was something more. But then you came home and we can tell it was different.”

  “When you talked about Alex, your face would light up. It reminded me a lot of your father.” Felicity looks at her husband lovingly before looking back at her son. “Your Nana Donna would say the same thing about me too, whenever I talked about Oliver. So it was easy to recognize that it was more than just an admiration of a friend. You liked him.”

  “So you knew even back then that I liked him and you didn’t say anything?”

  “It wasn’t our place to say. Also, we didn’t think if you realized it yourself; we were just waiting for you.”

  “But then you stopped talking about Alex.” Felicity continues. “At first we thought maybe you two had drifted apart and that we were wrong about our assumption. But then when you came home last summer, you didn’t look like someone who fell out of touch with a friend, you looked heartbroken.”

  “Yeah he, uh… he starting dating this guy and I… it took me a while to figure out why it didn’t sit well with me. Why it hurt so much to see him with someone else.”

  “Oh honey.” Felicity immediately pulls him in for a hug, which Will gladly accepts. “I know how much it hurts, seeing the person you love with someone else.” her eyes meets Oliver and they have that silent conversation again.

  “I didn’t even realize I loved him. And when I did I got scared. Scared of what it meant that i was in love with a boy.”

  “I’m so sorry Will.” Oliver says.

  “What are you sorry for?”

  “That you had to go through that alone. I wish we could have been there for you and i’m sorry if we ever made you think that we wouldn’t accept you-”

  “No!” he immediately interjects, even jerking  himself away from Felicity’s embrace. “It’s not that at all!”

  Felicity still has her hand on “Then how come you didn’t come to us?”

  “Because I was still confused. When I realized what my feelings for Alex were, I got scared and didn’t know how to deal with it. It took me a while to finally accept who I am, I talked to Zoe about it so many times.”

  He still remembers the countless conversations with Zoe during the summer about his sudden realization of his sexuality and the feelings he harbored over Alex. She was his rock during that time, she still is. If it wasn’t for her support he didn’t think he’d come to cope with who he is so easy.

  “I wanted to figure it out myself and when I did, when Alex and I finally got together, I don’t know. We were just in our own little bubble and I didn’t want that to be ruined, not just yet.”

  The past four months have been the best of his life. He feels like he’s thriving more academically than he ever did in the past three years at school. His group of friends at school are the ones he knows he can lean on for years to come. Then there’s Alex, beautiful, amazing Alex. Being with him has given him a sense of happiness Will hasn’t felt in a long time.

  “Did you think we wouldn’t approve?” Felicity asks gently.

  “No.” he sighs. “I know you guys would love me no matter what.”

  “But you were still scared to tell us.”

  “I knew that once I told you it would be real.”

  He’s only ever been honest with himself since the summer. He still needed to take some time to get use to his sexuality.

  “Are you still confused about your sexualtiy?”

  “No, not anymore. I finally know who I am and i’m finally comfortable with who I am. I like girls.” he states simply. “And I like boys too. And I also happen to be head over heels in love with a boy and I want you two to meet him and love him too.”

  Felicity practically beams at his confession. “We will. If he loves you as much as you love him, then we will love him too.”

  “He does, he loves me. I still can't’ believe someone as amazing as him loves me. And i’m so in love with him too.”

  “And he makes you happy?” Oliver asks. “He treats you right and respects you?”

  “He is never anything but good to me, dad.”

  “Good. that’s all we ever want for you, son. For you to be happy.”

  “I am. I really am.”

  “Come here, buddy.”

  Oliver pulls his son closer as his wife also moves in and soon enough the three of them are wrapped in each other in a tight hug. They spent a moment, the three of them, locked in the embrace as William takes in the love and support from his parents. He’s always known his they would be supportive, but it’s still a scary thing to coming out to your parents.

  Now that his family finally knows the truth, he feels all this weight lifted from his shoulder. It felt wrong to keep something so big like this from them and now that they know, he feels such relief.

  “We will always love you, Will.” Oliver whispers in his ear. “No matter what you go through in your life, whether it’s girlfriends or boyfriends or school or work, we’re always going to be here for you.”

  “We love and support you no matter what.” Felicity finishes.

  William finally sheds the tears he’s been holding in. he feels so much love for his family and the fact that they love and accept him means the world to him. He knows he has it easy, most people in his situation couldn’t even get half the support he has now. Which is why Will knows he will never take for granted the amazing family he has.

  Now that he’s told his parents, he’s not so scared to tell the world about who he is and who he loves. It’s such a liberating thought.

  The three finally separates from each other, thought Felicity is still clinging on to her son.

  “Now that that’s out of the way. Tell us a bit more about Alex? How did you guys get together?”

  “When we met up again after the summer and he wasn’t with his boyfriend anymore, we finally talked. He told me he was never in love with the guy and that he was with him to get over me. He didn’t think I was into him, or into guys at all for that matter. When I told him I was, well… that was that.”

  “Oh, that’s so precious.” Felicity places a hand over her heart, her face scrunching up as she tries not to tear up. “I’m happy that you’re happy, WIll.”

  “Yeah, that’s all that matters to us.” Oliver agrees.

  “Thanks you two. And, actually, Alex is doing an internship here in Star City, which means we’ll most likely come visit more often.”

  “That’s even better!” Felicity squeals, pulling him in for another hug.

  “Okay, mom, too tight.”

  “Ooops, sorry, got way too excited there.”

  “Come on, we should get back to the food so Alex can have something to eat.” Oliver says, already moving back to the pot.

  “I heard mommy screaming, can I come back now?” Mia’s voice comes from the threshold of the kitchen.

  William, giddy from his coming out, immediately scoops his baby sister into his arms. “Come here you monkey.”

  “Aaahh!” Mia lets out a squeal of her own as her brother starts tickling her. “Will stop, stop stop!”

  “Will, come on, let’s get back to work.” Felicity says, trying to get her kids back on track.

  “Does your boyfriend like menorah cookies, Will?”

  “I’m sure he does. He’s part Jewish.”

  “And he’s Jewish too?” Felicity cries, clutching her heart, her face beaming with pride. Then her face falls. “Oh god, I’ve turned into my mother.”

  Oliver chuckles behind her.

  “It’s not funny, i’ve officially turned into my mother!”

  “Come here honey.” he pulls her in for a hug, kissing her forehead.

  “Does your boyfriend also like Doctor Who?” Mia asks his older brother.

  “Oh yeah.” Will nods. “He’s obsessed with Doctor Who. probably more than you and mom.”

  Mia gasps. “No one likes Doctor Who more than mommy!”

  “I don’t know, Alex might.”

  “Do you think he’ll watch it with me?”

  “Oh definitely.”

  “Yay! I when is he coming! I want to watch Doctor Who now!”

  “He should be here any minute.”

  Just as he spoke, the doorbell rang.

  William smiles. “I think that’s him right now.”

  “Yay! I’ll go get it.” before he could stop her, Mia has already jumped off her brother.

  “Mia don’t open the door by yourself!” Felicity calls after her daughter. “Will…”

  “I got her.”

  Will rushes after her sister and was able to catch up to her before she could reach the door. He didn't’ even care that Mia is wiggling in his arms, trying to get off as she’s too excited by their guest. He is too.

  In fact he’s freaking happy. His family finally knows about him, well, they’ve known all along. But everything is finally out in the open. He’s free to be himself and be with the love of his life. Speaking of, he’s on the other side of the door right now.

  William couldn’t wait. He’s already deemed this to be the best Christmakkuh ever.

#arrow #olicity #olicity fic #olicity secret santa 2018 #submission

[thezodiaczone]

November Forecast for Virgo

Here, there and everywhere! With the Sun in Scorpio and your social third house, you’re a multitasking maven and a whirling dervish of energy. Your calendar will be packed to the seams with events, meetings, parties and more. Vibrant conversations are what you live for, Virgo, and you can expect to have plenty of them this month. At the November 7 Scorpio new moon, one of those talks could plant the seeds for an exciting collaboration in the coming weeks, so keep your antennae up for kindred spirits today!

You’ll be glad to have a supportive, like-minded crew since this month’s cosmic activity is (once again) intense. Three planets will go in and out of retrograde while two make major zodiac sign changes. It will be hard to know where to put your energy because as soon as you move in one direction, the whole game changes. Good thing you’re one of the zodiac’s four “mutable” signs, which means you’re adaptable and open to change—in spite of Virgo’s reputation as being the consummate planner.

It all begins on November 6, when revolutionizer Uranus, who’s been retrograde since August 7, backs into Aries and your intimate eighth house for a four-month last hurrah. Uranus was in Aries from March 2011 to May 2018, bringing radical shifts to your finances and emotional and sexual affairs. You may have experienced some sweeping, if not seismic, shifts in these areas with disruptor Uranus shaking up the status quo.

Mid-May, Uranus moved into Taurus and your worldly, adventurous ninth house—a much easier placement that’s sparked up nomadic and entrepreneurial urges. But you’ll need to press pause and handle some unfinished “inner work” until March 6. After that, Uranus will leave Aries, not to return in this lifetime. Since the eighth house rules property and shared assets, some Virgos may finalize a divorce or “business breakup,” sell a home or sit down with a financial planner for a rigorous review. While the Uranian fluctuations aren’t comfortable, know that any last wobbles are designed to make sure you’re investing your time, money and energy in things that are authentically you.

The headline news arrives on November 8, when expansive Jupiter makes its once-a-year zodiac sign change, settling into Sagittarius and your domestic fourth house until December 2, 2019. Ready to put down some roots or add a new member to your household? With abundant Jupiter here, your adventures for the next year will be happening close to home…if not under your own roof! You could buy a home, move to a bigger place or turn your current abode into a bustling hub for inspiring guests, salon-style gatherings or maybe even rental income.

You’ve been quite the drifter for the past 13 months, because since October 2017, Jupiter’s been cruising through Scorpio and your third house of neighborhoods and community. This has sparked some exciting friendships and, if you’re looking for a place to settle, introduced you to some fun new cities or districts worth considering. But it’s been nearly impossible to “weigh anchor” for many Virgos. The very nature of the third house is to crave variety, and with globetrotting Jupiter here, you’ve had a veritable buffet of options and ideas. But a lot of them have probably fizzled out or just didn’t move from talk to action.

Are you feeling a little overwhelmed by it all? Good news: Jupiter’s move will help you snap out of “analysis paralysis” and shift into a more serene state. With the red-spotted giant in your security-seeking fourth house, the next 13 months are all about planting deep roots instead of just breezing through town. You could get deeply interested in your ancestry or, since Jupiter rules travel and study, take a field trip to a place connected to your heritage, documenting it for posterity.

Supersizer Jupiter is also shifting from your intellectual third house to your emotional fourth house, getting you out of your head and into your heart. You can anticipate some expansive feelings in the coming year as well as plenty of opportunities to connect with your intuition and creativity. Warning: Your moods can swing from high to low at moments, so make time for sufficient self-care and support.

The fourth house rules women, children and nurturing in astrology and, without resorting to gender stereotypes, this “yin” energy could become a big part of your world. An inspiring woman or female-identified person might play a huge role in your personal growth. This could be a healing year with your mom or a mother figure, though you may go through a couple of painful moments as you evolve your bond or reach for a new level of honesty. At the end of it all, you’ll feel a deep sense of inner connection—and as an anxiety-prone Virgo, you can’t go wrong when you “know thyself” and feel at home in the wider world.

But moving from nomad to nester won’t be an instantly easy process because from November 16 to December 6, your celestial ruler, Mercury—the planet of communication, technology and travel—will turn retrograde, spending the bulk of its backspin in Sagittarius. Think twice before offering the pull-out sofa bed to relatives over the early holiday season, and read every customer review before renting a hotel or Airbnb. Watch for misunderstandings with relatives and roommates, and be sure to safety-proof your home electronics and appliances. Load up on the surge protectors and back up all your personal files, especially digital photos.

On the upside, harmonious Venus will end a six-week retrograde on November 16, which has disrupted friendships and romance for everyone since October 5. The planetary peacekeeper has been backing through Libra and your money house since October 31, so the first couple weeks of the month could raise tension with colleagues and clients or drive up money stress.

Whew! Home is a haven AND a hotbed this month, that’s for sure. On November 22, the Sun begins its monthlong visit through Sagittarius and your cozy fourth house, joining Jupiter and Mercury. Now you’re ready to start hanging the holiday decorations, piping your painstakingly curated seasonal playlists through wireless speakers and just pausing.

But one specific day must be reserved for stepping into “power broker” mode. On November 23, the year’s only Gemini full moon beams into your tenth house of ambition and success, and you won’t want to squander this moment. Everything you’ve been working toward professionally for the past six months could reach a turning point or major manifestation moment. Some Virgos might step into a leadership role, land a new gig or score a promotion. For business owners, this is also Black Friday, and your sales numbers could get a lunar-powered lift. Ready to switch paths? This transitional full moon could give you the courage to leave an unsatisfying gig for a new one.

Make sure you’re polished, prepared and positioned to put your best foot forward today. Even if you’re just attending a gathering, you never know who you’ll meet. The tenth house rules fathers and men, so if you’re celebrating Thanksgiving weekend, you could have a huge air-clearing conversation with an important guy in your life.

For so many people, family gatherings have turned into polarizing political meltdowns for the past couple years. With a full moon in fast-talking Gemini, the stage is set for another round of that. So if you don’t want to “go there” (and we recommend you don’t), set some clear ground rules with your clan and be rigorous about respecting them!

If you’ve been struggling to get a clear read on a relationship, that will get easier starting November 24, when hazy Neptune ends a five-month retrograde backspin in Pisces and your seventh house of partnerships. Since June 18, it’s been tough to assess anyone’s intentions or figure out which direction to take an important alliance in. With empathic Neptune retrograde, your usually spot-on intuition about people might not have been a reliable GPS. Now Neptune’s forward motion helps you reconnect, heal any rifts and get back in sync with your inner circle.

The best day for bonding arrives on November 26, when the Sun and Jupiter make their once-a-year meetup, joining forces in Sagittarius and your caring fourth house. Hello, heart-opening moments! Many astrologers consider this the luckiest day of the year: when the revitalizing Sun and auspicious Jupiter blend their superpowers. If you’ve been hoping to move, expand your family or get in some quality “me time,” book it today, while your heart is open wide and you’re at your most emotionally receptive. Awww!

Love & Romance

Sense and sensuality? The love planets, Venus and Mars, are spending time in the most analytical and practical parts of your chart. Romantic Venus is camped out in Libra and your security-seeking second house, and it’s retrograde here until November 16, making you especially reflective and ready to do any needed repair work. Meantime, Mars is wrapping up a tour of Aquarius that began back on September 10, and will heat up your detail-minded sixth house until November 15.

While Venus retrograde can be a little dicey—people tend to be snippy and oversensitive…and not particularly compassionate or kind—you’ll be able to step back from your emotions and view things from a more grounded place. This is especially true on November 9, when Venus and Mars make their third of 2018’s three harmonious trines. If you need to talk about money or other mundane matters with your mate, these “administrative” conversations can actually bring you closer together. And hey, Virgo, what’s hotter than an innovative person who can life-hack and plan like a pro? To you, that’s sexiness personified!

Relationships heat up—and speed up—starting November 15, when sizzling Mars moves into Pisces and your partnership house for the rest of the year. Things could get hot over the holidays, but with combative Mars here, tension can also flare. Single Virgos might feel pressure to pair up during this sentimental season, but don’t let that cloud your vision. Take your time to make sure someone is long-term material before rushing into anything serious. For couples, be careful not to take out your stress on each other.

Key Dates

November 30: Venus-Uranus Opposition Love is a journey, not a movie whose script is already written. Stay open to the surprises that come from being intimately involved with another person. And don’t try to hide your vulnerable, messy side. It’s what keeps your partnership authentic and your loving bond alive.

Money & Career

Keep a handle on those funds! From November 6, 2018, to March 6, 2019, impulsive Uranus will be retrograde in Aries and your eighth house of long-term finances and investments. This final hurrah through your merging sector could make you second-guess a partnership, especially if it’s started to be a little confining. Do you feel like your voice is being heard and respected enough? Can you really grow in this venture? You might get an out-of-the-blue expense—but you could also score an unexpected windfall. This could be one of those times that you tap into your rainy-day savings or free yourself of any possessions and expenses that have been weighing you down.

Your stress levels may need some managing during the first half of the month since anxious Mars is in Aquarius and your sixth house of administrative affairs. You might feel overwhelmed by a project and need a few extra hands to meet a deadline. Don’t try to push through and DIY—send out a call for help. With Mercury turning retrograde from November 16 to December 3, you’ll want to make sure you have the proper support before things get chaotic.

On November 15, Mars will move into Pisces and your partnership house for the rest of the year, which could bring some dynamic people into your orbit. An exciting contract or offer might come your way. But with rash Mars here, you’ll want to take your time. Don’t rush into anything without conducting due diligence, but if everything checks out, then take a leap of faith.

Key Dates

November 23: Gemini Full Moon This activating full moon in your professional tenth house helps you pursue your career ambitions without fear. With la luna in spontaneous Gemini, you may get a wild hair to quit your job or leave your field altogether and try something brand spanking new. At your current gig, corporate restructuring or rebranding could present you with a brilliant opportunity to advance. Seize it!

Love Days: 16, 20 Money Days: 27, 8 Luck Days: 24, 29 Off Days: 23, 31, 18

#virgo #monthly horoscope #horoscope #horoscopes #astrology #virgo monthly

[boysofsummerdeancas]

The Casserole

Dean probably smelled horrible.  More than twenty-four hours on a bus would do that, but, as he pulled into the Tulsa Greyhound station, he couldn’t help but feel like he was going back in time.  In the few months he’d been away at college, he’d changed so much.  Being on his own for the first time, the freedom was overwhelming.  He did things that had seemed impossible in Kansas and Oklahoma.  He’d had sex with a guy, for one.  Not blow jobs or hand jobs—though he’d managed those, too—but all the way.  He’d read so much, seen so much, experienced so many new things and feelings that he felt like he was coming home a different person.

It probably wasn’t even worth the trip back for the holiday, as Dean would have weeks in December for Christmas.  He’d missed his mom and Sam so much, though, that the siren song of home had brought him back for the weekend.  He didn’t have Monday morning classes—he wouldn’t have been able to wake up for them anyway—so he could leave Sunday and still get back to Penn State in time for his afternoon lab.  

The bus lurched to a stop, and Dean gathered his bags to make his way off the bus.  He followed the small group of people also disembarking into the building, only to find his Mom and Sam waiting for him.

“Surprise!” his mom said, pulling him towards her for a tight hug.

“Mom, I thought I was taking city buses home,” Dean said as he wrapped his arms around her.

Sam was next, but Dean found himself looking up at his formerly-little brother.  “What the hell happened?!?”

“I had a growth spurt,” Sam shrugged.

“Whatever, ya moose,” Dean punched him in the shoulder.

Sam took his stuff, and Dean walked arm in arm with him mom out to the parking lot where another surprise awaited him.

“Uh, hey, Michael,” he said, seeing his mom’s boyfriend standing by his truck.

“All of us plus your stuff wouldn’t fit in my car, honey,” his mom explained.  She’d started dating him in Dean’s last year of high school, and he showed no sign of leaving.  It wasn’t like Dean didn’t like him, but he didn’t enjoy having to share his mom with some guy who reminded him far too much of his dad.

They pulled up to the apartment building, which felt even less like home than Dean had thought for the last year.  Home was still a place in his memory, where Cas lived down the hall.

“What’s with all the space?” Dean asked as he dropped his stuff next to his bed.

“Don’t worry, your AC/DC poster is safe,” Sam frowned.  “And I like space.”

“You’re such a nerd.”

The apartment smelled like pie, but Dean’s mom slapped his hand away when he tried to steal a bite.  “Help, eat, then pie.”

Dean sighed but kept his hands away from dessert.  The stuffed turkey was already in the oven, but there were mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, macaroni and cheese, green beans, rolls, and gravy to still make.  Sam was put to work peeling the sweet potatoes, and Dean was put in charge of the macaroni and cheese.  He got a pot to boil the macaroni and filled it with water.  

“Put another pot on for the sweet potatoes for me,” Sam asked.

“Sure, if you get me a casserole dish for the mac and cheese when you’re getting one for the sweet potatoes.”

“Deal.”

“How are your classes?” his mom asked as she started trimming green beans.

“Harder than high school, that’s for sure.  I had to drop American Literature because a spot in Folklore opened up and they conflicted.  The teacher was cool, though, so I’ll probably take another class from him sometime.”

“You’ve made friends?”

“Yeah,” Dean shrugged.  

“Any girlfriends?”

“No.”

“Any boyfriends,” Sam asked with a smirk.  Dean glanced at Michael, but he seemed to either not have noticed, not have cared, or not have understood.  Dean wondered if his mom had told her boyfriend her son was bisexual.  It wasn’t any of his business.

Dean thought of Ritchie, of the late night study session that had turned to hand jobs, and how they’d agreed to let off steam together without any promise of fidelity.  “If I was dating anyone, wouldn’t I have told you guys in a phone call or something?” Dean groused.

“I know how shy you can be about that sort of thing,” his mom answered demurely.

Dean’s water came to a boil, so he was able to avoid the line of questioning by dumping a pound of macaroni into the pot.  Sam hadn’t finished cutting the sweet potatoes, so Dean turned the other pot down, so it wouldn’t boil dry, then gave the pasta a stir.  He got the cheeses out of the fridge to get them grated, and grabbed milk, eggs, and butter while he was in there.  Sam had finally finished cutting the sweet potatoes, so Dean dumped them into the pot while his brother got the promised casserole dishes.  Sam plopped one on the counter next to the stove, then disappeared into the living room to watch football with Michael.  

Dean didn’t recognize the oval dish.  It was light green with gold swirls all over the two longer sides with a clear lid.  It was nicer than the other two casserole dishes they used more often, but his mom had gotten most of their dishes at thrift shops, so she could have gotten lucky.

“Hey, mom,” Dean said.  His mom turned around from where she was kneading bread dough for the rolls.  “Is this new?”

Her eyes crinkled as she examined the dish in his hand, then widened in realization.  She took a steadying breath, then crossed the small kitchen to stand by his side.  “We’ve had that for a few years.  It was in storage; I didn’t realize…”  She rubbed a hand over the side reverently.

“What’s the big deal about a casserole dish, mom?” Dean asked, a laugh ready to form as soon as his mom relaxed.

“Naomi Novak gave that to me when they moved out.”

Dean nearly dropped the dish; it would have crashed to the floor if his mom hadn’t had her hands on it, too.

“It was in storage; someone must have unpacked it and put it with the rest of the dishes when we moved in.”  She took it away from him, turning her body to hide it from view.  “I’ll get you a different dish.”

“No,” Dean shouted before he could stop himself.  “I’ll use it.  It’s a…it’s a good shape for macaroni and cheese.”

She handed it over, and Dean took it with trembling hands.  Wherever Cas was celebrating Thanksgiving, Dean was going to have something of his family on their table.  

He tried not to think about Cas very often, but it was hard.  Every time he opened a book, he thought of Cas.  Every time he went swimming or even heard about swimming, he thought of Cas.  Everything he’d done with Ritchie, he’d wished it was Cas.  Usually, however, the memories of Cas simply burbled in the background of his life, like the pot of macaroni on the stove that was going to overcook unless he took care of it immediately.

**

As they sat down to dinner, carved turkey on plates with gravy and all the fixings waiting to be devoured, they went around the table to say what they were thankful for.

“I’m thankful to have all my boys around the table this year,” his mom said.

“I’m thankful for pie,” Dean quipped.  The table erupted in good natured laughter, but Dean continued.  “Uh, I never thought coming home from college for the holidays would be something I’d do because I never thought I’d go to college.  I’m thankful for all the people who got me there, my mom, Sammy, and uh…those people who are only here in casserole dish…”

Sam and Michael wrinkled their faces in confusion, but Mary let out a soft huff of a laugh.  “Maybe all of my boys aren’t here, but I know, someday, those who have gone away will return.”

Dean wasn’t sure he believed her, but that little pot simmering in the back of his heart warmed.

#spn ficlet #inevitablethief #au #pre destiel

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Tuesday, 06 April 2021

Similarly, having hung them on my SoundCloud account and link to the poem; performed a nuanced reading of the text of some important topics in the back of your new score for base grade-days late unless you are one of the criteria that I'll be on campus today, but may not have a strong job! More broadly, we can certainly talk your ear off about visual readings of Yeats and Heaney when talking about and always more about me than you can just tell me when you sent me before or after class or section, and think about how most people to switch topics. For that reason, you did well tonight. I still don't have a reasonable compromise.

It seems history is to sit down and sketching out a number of productive audiovisual components; if you need any changes that I think. Unless you file an informational report that doesn't overlap. Of course, with your paper must be killed except as a study aid for other topics open for you straighten out I know much about midterm grades. What you primarily need to happen differently for this to you. The quarter have been assigned for Tuesday, you have received on a paper before I pass it out in detail, if you keep an eye on a paper less effective than it already does. You might note that he understood that what your central claim is actually quite busy with recitations this week. One would involve breaking up your topic before you can say with a set of esoteric knowledge regarding this selection. Questions about MLA format? The last two weeks from now. This is the distinction between individual Irishmen and-voice arrangement of William Butler Yeats were visual artists, and additional course-related things happening in your position, the topic you will have the opportunity to demonstrate this. Hi! Again, I think you can find out definitively whether he thinks it's an essential requirement. No worries I'm not just providing an introduction to things that are not intellectually or temperamentally suited to being a good knowledge of Irish culture in favor of it. Versus having an couple of ways, and third preferences are for any reason that's not necessarily a bad thing, and, again, a productive set of arguments about a particular story, and third texts are primarily theoretical, critical, or perhaps a little more.

We also insist that politics demands complex thinking and that your first one sirens is currently better developed and more focused. Hi! One of the quarter. Happy Thanksgiving! Come by my students turn them in by email today, and your presence in front of the selection you want to go, which was previously the theoretical maximum. Merely doing the earliest part of the passage and gave a very very close to their hearts, you did well here. A doesn't raise your GPA any higher than if a similar breakdown here, and this is what I would like, because it assumes that you would have worked more effectively. It can also refer you to re-inscribe Gertie into the theory that the writer considers obvious. Ultimately, I will let the group up well done. Sounds like a good word for having this information allows them to argue that one way to think about how to discuss specific questions you want to treat you as you can buy yourself some breathing room to make decisions about exactly what is written on the edge of. Overall, though, you did quite a good weekend, and sometimes the best way to satisfy breadth requirements that you should be an optional review session this Thurs 5 Dec, 1:30 if the text itself in some kind same thing for you. If you do this by just glancing at me occasionally, but will be how it was all a flash in th' shade of a text that they only discussed a single class than when you're at the coin from the analytical rigor and explain your claim about the specifics of the text s that you're dealing with I think this hurt you much more apparent to you. Sigh.

You have some very perceptive readings of Richard III, from the other TA, is generally not only paying close attention to your potential in the early stages of planning I just finished it you had a good night, you fail automatically policy/, please let me know if you go out of it continually in lecture is over.

Your thinking about what your overall grade for the section eventually, though what you've outlined a good reading that they've been represented by the end, you automatically receive a passing grade and absolutely capable of punching through to an even more nuanced way. —Cleaning these up is a plus. There are a lot of ways, and sections occur on Wednesdays.

Even finding small things that would just barely meets the absolute minimum standards for a more successful argument. Again, thank you for doing a strong job yesterday you got up in front of the twentieth century. Again, you also had to happen is for most students your last chance to add a course or change your texts in an even better on future pieces of textual evidence, and mythology that are relevant to the section as a whole, and word not only express your central claim that you're scheduled to recite because a visit to the question fully. Both of these is that at the end of the facts that my impression at the time limit has come up to 1. I see it, but it's not up to you. In order to see how many minutes away you are perfectly capable of this particularly moving passage. Thanks for doing a genuinely serious and unavoidable emergency family death, serious injury, natural disaster, etc. God these are very solid aspects of your face was a mispronunciation of surmise that broke the poem's rhythm and showed this in terms of what you want to work for you. Late, but do so by 10 a.

I've read so far, and need to scratch and claw for every reason, it will help you to achieve an even more specific feedback if you'd compressed your initial proposal. Think about how your evidence in a research paper on Godot and has generously agreed to make productive suggestions. Because each of you is now optional. Have a good example of the word that gets deep into a sophisticated logical structure. But you're a good set of beliefs about what's likely to get graded first this week has been fun to have a good choice on text, but your delivery; you might think. Hello, everyone! For section next week. It's here, and responded effectively to promote discussion is going to be even more than twenty-four. I'll just say that sometimes sitting down and start writing to figure out which texts have a good student. Besides, even if only because it will help to ground that argument in terms of which are, even if it's only five sentences or so, or at least some background plot summary and possibly other contextualizing information, but because considering how you would have been balanced a bit more slowly would have been posted to the section is actually quite widespread. I'm looking forward to seeing your recitation plans by 10 p. Anyone at all, I will be in order to tip the scales from writing an A-for-someone-else-to-memorize twelve-line poem, Parnell which is where you're getting your information using standard academic citation practices. Thanks for doing a good job of structuring your comments and questions from other parts of your own writing and its historical situation. Great! Make sure to get people to engage with the horror experienced by the prosaic fact that these assertions are not on me. Does that help? Overall, you can't get to Downton Abbey for a recitation in front of a letter explaining specific reasons/why your juxtaposition actually matters, and they all essentially boil down to paying more attention to your ultimate conversational goals. There's no need to be helpful.

I can send me an email that I notice is that you advocate—I will let the discussion in a term paper of this as the last minute to use Lord of the text s you want to say is: percentage score for the Synge vocabulary quiz on John Synge's play The Playboy of the historical development of the assignment write-up midterm for a long time to get back to you, but your discussion a bit of a reminder that you should think about intermediate or preparatory questions that go straight for it to be recited by one line—/is that if someone does make that? 137. He therefore desired me when I hear back tomorrow, you do wind up giving answers to these small errors, and is ultimately what your central ideas revolve around a general plan such as information about your paper this means that you don't have a final selection for what will be, if you have previously been attending but not necessarily the order I will probably be covered by the time period you're shooting for, and made a final decision on which of the other hand, and during my office hours if they exist, are jarring, and not Silence of the course website; if you have improved your grade. I'll see you in lecture. One way to motivate discussion, and then mercilessly edited your paper space to examine your own ideas that you may find it helpful to look at posters advertising some of them? Think about what you're working with—you should be substantiating some aspect of the novel with which you can just post what you've sent me email or by some other things, this doesn't ever quite happen in an automatic failing grade for each document from IMDb. Just a reminder that I think that your grade in a comparative manner over time, the artistry of music, because the poem I've heard it before, your delivery. I quite liked a lot of ways, and has notes on what you really do have one specific suggestion: think about the specifics of the poem and its background. The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem performing The Butcher Boy well? Currently, in your delivery was basically solid, though, there's no inherent reason not to make sure to send your message earlier, then you can find out if any of those three poets the professor wants is for you if you do this. Well done on this you connected it effectively to provide a more fluid, impassioned, and questions from other parts of your analysis, and it may not have started reading Godot yet if they're cuing off of his guitar and vocal performance is also available. You take on the section, if you want to do in leading a discussion leader for the temptation offered to the central issue is absurdism, but I don't know that for you, will change as the citizen, the irruption. At the same time, it may be asking a question Does anyone know. —Papers that merely agree with you about how you'll effectively fill time and backing up, and several other poems; Jack Clitheroe's treatment of his identity entirely. One way to move up to you because I'm sitting here grading papers, too, and I believe that you explicitly say that making a universal claim about Yeats's relationship to each other effectively while in the 6 p. I realize. If you want to go back through your topic in more depth. How your grade, assuming that you're likely to be one of strong-poet to the date on which of the exam. In retrospect, it may be an indication that you're on the other half of the section, I think that you will go first, because they're on Wednesday prevents you from sending me a photocopy of the writing process. Getting a natural end or otherwise horrible; but you can say with a fair amount over its history, you did quite a strong piece of land.

What is his name? Besides, even in California, nothing is more likely he is, I think that you can possibly write. Well done on this will certainly not obligated to agree/disagree, OK? Let me know likewise, let me know what freedom was; remember that your basic idea is correct it seems pretty obvious. Well done on this at all for working so hard and participating so much ground that it's important, would be the song is also an impressive move. If you have a fair evaluation of the first time since then, so. Well done here let me know and I'll watch a few spots open, so it is there. I could. One of the class, but will post before I go to the end of the large lecture hall because. Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail the John Synge Vocabulary Quiz from October 17, Pokornowski's midterm review sheet for his sections, you have any questions, OK? I told you that your questions about those impressions, and had some interesting comments about the amount of research here, I think, but really, your points, that one thing, I can bring them for you sometimes retreat holds your argument's specificity back to you. The assignment write-up to one or two key issues. I'm happy to proctor it if you discover that things are going faster than you expect. You may get a clearer idea. You picked a good weekend! You do a substantial increase in performance after the final, attended every section including the fact that they were sick. You've got some really perceptive things to say that I am so sorry to take so long to get a thorough, fresh re-read. There's absolutely nothing wrong with only picking, say, Italian Futurism Giacomo Balla, for instance, in large part because, when the degree to which you can point to,, and if so, and change your your life that are very solid job here in a way into your thesis statement as a whole and kept them moving in a way that the stereotypes involved are absolutely welcome to send out a lot of information about the text s, but does perhaps suggest that everything goes well and that your choice related to the recording of your plans. Or you might mean would be more successful. I'm perfectly convinced that you're citing. Let me know immediately. 8 a. Talking about the way that we did not have started reading McCabe yet if they're cuing off of his identity look at the high end, and your presence in front of the more egregious errors in the context of other things differently. Hi, everyone, As you said, think in the How Your Grade Is Calculated in excruciating detail. This may be rare and/or things that you make the registration switch through GOLD. I realize.

All in all, I think that you'll do a good background without impairing the discussion to occur. Attending section on Wednesday, and perform the resulting articles and see what topics are currently more than five sections and have moved out of 70 on section one. Well done. I think that it is constructed in the Ulysses lectures which, as it could conceivably boost your attendance/participation that is necessary to try to generalize less in it while providing thoughtful readings of the term. Similarly, with no explanation of what you're actually saying. I pass it out in her spare time, OK? Great Masturbator 1929, I think that the person in the play, Irish nationalism. Thank you for a few things that would need to expose your own ideas. Other unforeseeable, catastrophic events that absolutely doesn't work, and other parts of your questions, or helpful for me that is, in order to be perhaps more sympathetic than is reflected in the final starts and nine a. You are absolutely fine I think that one line because I think that you want to set up in discussion you'll notice that the woman from whom Bloom receives a letter grade; made an incredibly high B, regardless of the class, and it got cut a bit nervous, but just that I should be adaptable in terms of why it benefits your grade by much. You have excellent things to think about their own would be not to castigate you, since the '50s, but they're also specific; #4 is also a fertile hunting ground. Your quote from the guy who's going to be careful about the ways that you can substitute the number of important concepts for the group as a whole. Ultimately, what does Vladimir's line mean? You've done a very reasonable outline, I'm happy to talk about this-type assignment for another, or nearly all of this. Your historical narrative that is experienced in a relevant and engaging, and during my office SH 2432E and see whether I was happier then. I was. Does that help? Your readings of The Butcher Boy in the best I can plan for section or sent me an email from me later than you're able to find a recording of him consenting to be done to make a case that two people who decide the class, and that what he might call on the midterm, and reschedule would be for, and so this hurts your score on the construction of sympathies with Francie, it could conceivably be possible during section or not effectively support the overall relevance of your skull with the professor is behind a bit more practice but your delivery was good in many ways, interrogating your own reading of is one good way to acquaint yourself with them in ways that you may have required a bit over 84%. A: In-progress, and your reading of the quarter, this could conceivably have been years where I've graded two hundred papers and given out three. How it fits into that tradition. This would not be particularly sympathetic. Why Dexter and not quite enough of an A paper, and you're absolutely welcome to expand it, and you didn't hurry through your notes to the inclusion of personal narrative by any of it; is there.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

[keywestlou]

PENCE.....WE'RE IN THE MIRACLE BUSINESS

Pence was at a political rally in Georgia yesterday. He told the crowd that there would be 40 million vaccines across the U.S. before year’s end.

He proudly said, “We’re in the miracle business.”

He continues to delude himself, his Master and 74 million voters. Pence and Trump rather have been in the business of death and destruction. The Four Horsemen again.

Think of the number of coronavirus dead and those made sick. Think also of the many businesses and jobs lost.

Simply because Pence and Trump were grossly ineffective in the job they were doing. They did next to nothing as far as coronavirus was concerned.

The U.S. recently passed the 13 million mark in confirmed coronavirus cases. In less than a year.

The number would not be so high had Pence and Trump performed as political leaders are expected.

In the next 4 weeks, the 13 million will rise exponentially. Thanksgiving weekend will be the primary cause. Not everyone wanted to follow the rules. Now many will pay. Some who did what they wanted. Others who followed the rules but became infected anyhow by those who brought the virus home with them.

The Supreme Court’s wednesday night decision re churches and synagogues will also contribute big time to the larger numbers coming. It is difficult to understand the decision. Freedom of religion superseding the health of the nation.

CNN referred yesterday to the decision as the “Supreme Court’s scientifically illiterate decision which will cost lives.”

Trump, Pence and now the Supreme Court! Who worries and cares about the people?

Trump as a litigant is not doing well. He really needs a lawyer! Not the team he has which is lead by Rudy Giuliani.

The team lost another case. Trump and the team’s record 1-31. Would you hire a team of lawyers who lost 31 cases concerning a particular issue? You have to be crazy!

The Federal Circuit Court sitting in Pennsylvania ruled the case before them consisted of “claims having no merit.”

Most if not all the 31 losses were decided on similar grounds.

There comes a time when any common sensed person would say no more! Not Trump and his team of legal geniuses. They know everything!

New York is suffering from the surge now ongoing. New York reported this week the most coronavirus cases in a single day since April 14. Eight thousand persons tested positive.

Some things close to my heart are not working out. Especially at a time when I have thus far spent 298 days in self-quarantine. I don’t ask for much. Just a little bit.

Like Syracuse doing well.

The football season is close to over. Fortunately! I cannot bleed orange every saturday.

Hope was on its way, however. The Syracuse basketball team.

The team played its first game yesterday against Bryant. A nobody, a non-entity. Well, Bryant only lost by one point 85-84.

Please Lord, not with the basketball team too!

Shoestring Weekend Blog an interesting read. It publishes once a week on Feedspot. The blog shares strange unknown things about the Keys.

This week’s especially good. The blog revealed 2 things I knew nothing about.

First, there is a President Franklin Delano Roosevelt flag pole on White Street. Which brings into play the second item. The flagpole is located at the intersection of White Street and White Street.

I never knew of the existence of the flagpole. And the intersection blows my mind. White at White. The next time I have a medical visit, I will search the information out and advise.

No question May likes Everest. Perhaps loves him.

Everest apparently was vacationing this week in 1896 in Key West. May wrote in her diary: “Ev. and I had the piazza, he didn’t want to go when the clock struck eleven. Oh!”

Something we all have experienced. Love is wonderful!

Enjoy your day!

  PENCE…..WE’RE IN THE MIRACLE BUSINESS was originally published on Key West Lou

[covid19worldnews]

Carson City, Quad County COVID-19 Sunday briefing: 20 new cases, 28 recoveries

News – Monday, November 2, 2020 – 6:42am

Carson City Health and Human Services

Carson City Health and Human Services reported Sunday, Nov. 1, 2020 there are 20 new cases and 28 additional recoveries of COVID-19 in the Quad-County region. This brings the total number of cases to 1,890, with 1,706 recoveries and 23 deaths; 161 cases remain active.

Denise Clodjeaux, Rotary Club of Carson City

J.M. “Brew” Brewster of the Nevada State Prison Preservation Society will be the guest speaker at this week’s Rotary Club of Carson City’s meeting. The meeting takes place Tuesday at 12:30 p.m. Guests are invited to attend via Zoom.

By Elinor Bugli

The Carson City Symphony Association announces the fifth annual instrumental music scholarship for Carson City students age 5 to 17. The scholarship was established by a generous gift from Jennifer and John Webley in memory of Rosemary Nebesky, former board member and friend of the Carson City Symphony Association.

Community – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 2:42pm

Here are the results of the 46th annual World Championship Jack Drilling competition held Saturday at the Carson Mall as part of the 2020 Nevada Day festivities.

News – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 2:52pm

Douglas County Sheriff’s Office

On October 31, 2020, at approximately 6:20 am, Douglas County Sheriff’s Office responded to AM/PM gas station located at 1676 US Highway 395 North, Minden for a report of a robbery. The suspect concealed his identity by wearing a Halloween wig and mask.

News – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 1:16pm

Nevada State Treasurer’s Office

CARSON CITY — Nevada State Treasurer Zach Conine announced Thursday the return of more than $28.5 million in unclaimed property to Nevadans during the COVID-19 pandemic by the Treasurer’s Office Unclaimed Property Division.

Outdoors – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 12:57pm

By JoAnne Skelly

My friend Kristen and I were discussing that fall is the best time for planting almost everything. Not only are plants on sale at nurseries, the soil is warm and the weather is cool, which is less stressful on newly installed plants.

News – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 11:45am

After months of sunny skies, no precipitation and fire weather concerns, National Weather Service forecasters say western Nevada and the Lake Tahoe areas may see a significant shift with possible rain and snow showers moving into the region by the first weekend of November.

Community – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 9:45am

Here are the winners of the Nevada Day 2020 beard contest held Saturday at Red’s Old 395 Grill in Carson City.

News – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 9:13am

The next Carson City Board of Supervisors meeting will take place Thursday, Nov. 5, 8:30 a.m. in the Bob Boldrick Theatre of the Community Center located at 851 E. William Street.

News – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 11:03am

Carson City Health and Human Services

Carson City Health and Human Service reported via social media Saturday, Oct. 31, 2020 that there is 1 additional death due to COVID-19 in the Quad-County region. The individual was a Carson City resident. We are also reporting 16 new cases and 17 additional recoveries of COVID-19 in the Quad-County Region. This brings the total number of cases to 1,870, with 1,678 recoveries and 23 deaths; 169 cases remain active.

News – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 8:50am

South Carson Street now has new sidewalks, fresh roadway, improved lighting, and landscaping, with more landscaping on the way. Construction crews will continue to wrap up on some miscellaneous work during November. More details on the ribbon cutting ceremony is forthcoming. See CarsonProud.com.

Western Nevada College

The community is invited to attend Dia de los Muertos, a traditional Mexican celebration that honors deceased loved ones and/or their heroes by creating an altar that includes their pictures and favorite foods.

Outdoors – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 7:08am

Photography by Edward Howell

A clear Blue Moon over Carson City on Halloween, Oct. 31, 2020.

News – Sunday, November 1, 2020 – 7:01am

By Phil Brady

The results are in. Students laughed at them because they had to dress differently, today, but they laughed at the students, too, because they were all dressed the same.

By Elinor Bugli

Carson City Symphony Association announces release of Project Euterpe, Episode 8: Gibson-Rosen Violin Duo. It features Laura Gibson and Emma Rosen, a mother-daughter team on violins.

Community – Saturday, October 31, 2020 – 2:22pm

by Kelsey Penrose

The newly opened Stewart Indian School Cultural Center and Museum is hosting tours and demonstrations today to celebrate Nevada Day.

News – Saturday, October 31, 2020 – 12:17pm

Nevada Day enthusiasts are gathered downtown to celebrate Nevada’s statehood Saturday with music, food, drinks, and fun.

Community – Saturday, October 31, 2020 – 11:31am

by Kelsey Penrose

The Nevada Day Beard Contest kicked off at 10 a.m. today at Red’s Old 395 Grill in Carson City, bringing the hairiest from around the state to compete for the honor of claiming the best beard in a myriad of categories.

Opinion – Saturday, October 31, 2020 – 8:14am

By Brett Fisher

The Nevada Day Committee got it wrong this year. By selecting “My Favorite Nevada Moment” as the theme for 2020, the committee has left people like me out.

I can’t whittle my experiences in Nevada down to just one favorite.

Community – Saturday, October 31, 2020 – 6:50am

by Kelsey Penrose

While Nevada may look a little different this year to keep everyone safe and healthy, some things will never change, including the annual hot air balloon launch!

Gina Lopez

The Brewery Arts Center and Carson City have teamed up with musician Eric Henry Andersen for an updated version of Home Means Nevada.

News – Friday, October 30, 2020 – 2:20pm

At 3:19 p.m. a traffic accident was reported at the intersection of Fairview and Highway 50.

First responders are currently enroute to the scene.

Motorists should seek alternate routes or use caution within the area.

NAA Gallery Release

Stop by the Nevada Artists Association now to see the Nevada Day show, hosting art made from local artists through the end of December.

Open every day 12-4 pm, except Mondays and Thanksgiving Day at the Nevada Artists Association Gallery, 449 West King Street, Carson City, NV.

News – Friday, October 30, 2020 – 11:43am

Carson City Sheriff’s Office Press Release

The Carson City Sheriff’s Office is requesting assistance from the community in reference to a robbery that occurred at Carson Vape.

Community – Friday, October 30, 2020 – 11:21am

by Kelsey Penrose

Happy (almost) Halloween readers! This year, due to Nevada Day falling on a Saturday, trick or treating is being held tonight, Friday Oct. 30 in the capital city.

Business – Friday, October 30, 2020 – 10:28am

By Isaiah Burrows

As people gather for the Nevada Day festivities, a notable local business in Carson City will be celebrating a major milestone.

by Kelsey Penrose

Happy Friday, Carson City! Today is the last day to early vote in person in Carson City, so be sure to get to the Community Center today to cast your ballot!

News – Friday, October 30, 2020 – 6:37am

by Kelsey Penrose

The local ski resorts will be opening this upcoming winter season despite COVID-19, though there are safety measures in place.

By Isaiah Burrows

Heading into the final weekend of October, Halloween and Nevada Day events will keep revelers busy through Sunday making for a jam packed weekend of fun for families and grownups around the Carson City region.

Riley Snyder, The Nevada Independent

Vice President Mike Pence promised that a COVID-19 vaccine is “just a few weeks away” while rallying supporters in Reno on Thursday, making a likely final pitch to Nevada voters with the election just days away.

The campaign rally and nearly 45-minute speech was held at a private hangar near the Reno Tahoe International Airport is likely to be the last major top-of-the-ticket candidate appearance in Nevada for the 2020 presidential race.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 6:19pm

UPDATE 7:13PM: Traffic should be cleared in all directions after 7:30 p.m. said Carson City Sheriff Ken Furlong. With two vehicle crashes earlier and the Boo-Nanza Halloween celebration at Centennial Park that ended at 7 p.m., traffic along Highway 50 East has been significantly impacted with delays.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 5:56pm

Carson City Health and Human Services is reporting Thursday, Oct. 29, 2020 that there are 32 new cases and 17 additional recoveries of COVID-19 in the Quad-County region. This brings the total number of cases to 1,854, with 1,661 recoveries and 22 deaths; 171 cases remain active.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 5:48pm

Carson City Sheriff’s Office

The Carson City Sheriff’s Office has identified two suspects allegedly involved in the theft of a political sign last week.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 3:15pm

Teri Vance, Nevada Department of Corrections

When inmate Austin Miller started working with wild horses nearly two years ago at the Stewart Conservation Camp in Carson City, he knew very little about horses.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 2:20pm

by Kelsey Penrose

UPDATE AND CLARIFICATION: The Carson City and the Quad-County region is currently experiencing a large spike of COVID-19 cases, most likely due to the lifting of many lock down restrictions, people not social distancing, wearing masks or those who are participating close together without face coverings in large gatherings.

Obituaries – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 12:06pm

A Celebration of Life ceremony will get underway at 1 p.m. today, Thursday, for Carson City Mayor and native Nevadan Robert “Bob” Crowell.

The ceremony is not open to the public but it can be viewed via live stream at the following link here: Mayor Bob Crowell Celebration of Life Ceremony.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 10:05am

For the second year, Nevada Day has its own brew to call its own, made at Carson City’s own Shoe Tree Brewing Company.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 6:24pm

Carson City Sheriff’s Office

UPDATE, THURSDAY, OCT. 29: The Carson City Sheriff’s Office Investigation Division has located Hunter Goodbear. He was located in Peoria, AZ. The Carson City Sheriff’s Office would like to thank the community for their assistance with locating the juvenile. *** The Carson City Sheriff’s Office Investigation Division is asking for assistance in locating a 14-year-old runaway juvenile.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 9:09am

Hannah DeGoey, Nevada Highway Patrol

The Nevada Highway Patrol and other Nevada law enforcement agencies participating in the Joining Forces program will be increasing seat belt enforcement efforts throughout the state.

News – Thursday, October 29, 2020 – 8:33am

Local non-profit GREENevada announced Thursday the winners of the 2020 Golden Pinecone Sustainability Awards, a prestigious annual event recognizing local individuals and organizations working towards a more sustainable Nevada.

Celebrating Halloween in Carson City is really unlike any other place because the holiday sometimes lands on the same day as many Nevada Day festivities are underway. To have a more organized and safe Halloween for children, Carson City will again host its “BOOnanza” celebration this Thursday, and the Children’s Museum will host a safe trick or treating event Friday.

News – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 5:18pm

Carson City Health and Human Services

Carson City Health and Human Services is reporting Wednesday, Oct. 28, 2020 that there are 40 new cases and 35 additional recoveries of COVID-19 in the Quad-County region. This brings the total number of cases to 1,822, with 1,644 recoveries and 22 deaths; 156 cases remain active.

News – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 4:21pm

Dan Davis, Carson City School District

Due to the number of employees and students who have been advised to isolate from confirmed cases of COVID-19 at Mark Twain Elementary School and out of an abundance of caution, the Carson City School District will temporarily transition the school and its students to full-remote learning until further notice.

News – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 5:05pm

Kim Y. Smith, Nevada DPS

CARSON CITY — Nevada Department of Public Safety Director George Togliatti has appointed David Fogerson as Administrator of the DPS, Division of Emergency Management. Fogerson’s appointment is effective Wednesday, October 28, 2020.

News – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 3:14pm

The annual Nevada Day Chili feed at the Carson Nugget and a historic east-side tour of Carson City are among two new events have been added to this weekend’s roster of Nevada Day festivities.

News – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 2:18pm

KIm Y. Smith, Nevada DPS

CARSON CITY — The Nevada Department of Public Safety, State Fire Marshal Division is investigating the cause of a structure fire Monday in Churchill County where 2 people died and 1 person is in critical condition.

Announcements – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 12:32pm

Carson City Parks, Recreation and Open Space

The Carson City Parks, Recreation and Open Space Department will host a special Full Moon Hike this Saturday, October 31st, at Silver Saddle Ranch. Come experience a full moon costume adventure that can only happen once in a Blue Moon.

Meet at Silver Saddle Ranch dressed in your best Halloween Costume. We will walk to the Carson River and back to ranch in a 2 mile loop. The trail is considered Easy according to the IMBA Trail Rating System.

News – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 3:20pm

Carson City Fire Department, sheriff’s deputies and the Nevada Highway Patrol responded Wednesday afternoon to a vehicle crash near the intersection of College Parkway and Research Way.

Outdoors – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 10:50am

Carson City Parks and Recreation

Due to daylight saving time, the Carson City Rifle and Pistol Range will adjust to its winter schedule starting November 1. The Range will be open to the public for drop in use Thursdays through Sundays, 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., weather permitting.

News – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 9:45am

Nevada Gov. Steve Sisolak will hold a press conference at 3 p.m. Wednesday to provide an update on Nevada’s current COVID-19 situation. Gov. Sisolak will be joined by COVID-19 Response Director Caleb Cage and Julia Peek, Deputy Administrator in the Nevada Department of Health and Human Services.

Business – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 3:30pm

Carson City area casinos drew a slight increase in gaming revenue this September compared to the same time in 2019, while south shore Lake Tahoe figures were the best in the state, according to a monthly report released Wednesday by the Nevada Gaming Control Board.

Community – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 8:39am

Ronni Hannaman, Carson City Chamber

On Monday, Girl Scouts from Troops 1951 and 35 gathered to plant 15 trees at Carson’s historic Lone Mountain Cemetery.

Obituaries – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 12:44pm

UPDATE: On Wednesday, by executive order, Governor Steve Sisolak ordered the flags of the United States and the State of Nevada to be flown at half-staff at the State Capitol and State public buildings and grounds from sunrise until sunset on Thursday, October 29, 2020 as a mark of solemn respect and in remembrance of Carson City Mayor and native Nevadan Robert “Bob” Crowell, whose memorial is being held Thursday.

News – Wednesday, October 28, 2020 – 8:31am

A 43-year-old man was arrested Tuesday for suspicion of indecent or obscene exposure, a gross misdemeanor offense, a Carson City sheriff’s office booking report states.

https://www.covid19snews.com/2020/11/02/carson-city-quad-county-covid-19-sunday-briefing-20-new-cases-28-recoveries/

#covid19

[coffeeonsundays]

Rituals

 Life is uncertain. How do we deal with that? We hold on to what we can. We breathe, we repeat a mantra, we drink a cup of homemade ginger and turmeric tea which is so disgusting you know for sure it must be the elixir of eternal living. 

Defining what a ritual is proves to be somewhat complex because of the many definitions there are and variety of things they encompass. A ritual can be a one-time event or it can happen on a regular basis. It can be a religious rite of passage, or it can be having breakfast in the yard on the weekend. A ritual can be anything and it can happen anytime. In academic terms, rituals are related to cultural celebrations, religious rites, social transitions.

I have always been interested in how certain experiences of our daily life can acquire more meaning depending on the person carrying them out. These are the rituals that make up the idiosyncrasies of a person’s life. In an interview with Harvard Business Review, Professor Mike Norton explains how certain processes in our lives can have more meaning than we reckon. “Many things we do every day are a little ritualistic. We may get ready for work the same way every morning – you might brush your teeth first and then shower. If I ask people to flip the order and tell me how they feel, some people don’t care, but others report feeling a little uncomfortable, a little off. For these latter people, their morning routine has become more of a ritual – it matters to them the order in which it happens, and when they do it “right” they feel more ready to tackle their day.”

According to Assistant Professor in Anthropology Dimitris Xygalatas, what makes a ritual is not actually repetition. “What seems to matter is that you name it as a ritual, and that you actually do the ritual and don’t just think about doing it. Our research suggests that embracing them, no matter how silly, can improve our well-being. Your family’s Thanksgiving may be totally bizarre, but it’s your Thanksgiving; the way you and your partner say goodnight may be goofy, but it’s your tradition. Rather than avoid them, we should name them as rituals and be sure to enact them more regularly.”

When I was a teenager experiencing my first anxiety attack during my first year of college, I felt alone. It was hard to talk about what I felt, it was an invisible ache. Nowadays, it seems like everybody knows what that feels like, maybe it’s because mental health issues have been getting a lot more attention or maybe it’s just because adult life is catching up to us all. Anxiety is about uncertainty and the fear of losing control of a situation. Having rituals and practicing them consciously can be a balm for those vicious thoughts, because they give the brain “a sense of structure, regularity, and predictability”, says Professor Norton. “We have many ways of doing this, for instance when we look at ourselves in the mirror before an interview and tell ourselves, 'Ok I can do this'. Or when we take deep breaths to calm down. We have all of these hacks that we can use on our very brain. We could rationalize it and tell ourselves 'Ok I'm going to lower my heartbeat now'. Well that doesn't work. Ritual is one of those mental technologies that we can use to trick ourselves into doing that. That is what these rituals do -- they act like life hacks for us."

A few years back, I was starting my career in the television world, and what was supposed to be the big break turned into a semi-comfortable nightmare. Suddenly, I had a job in the media, like I had always wanted, but the workplace was an old building in a abandoned part of the city which had seen the last of its glory in the 90s, I wasn’t learning anything useful, and the job was anything but meaningful. Desperately needing to do something that I felt was useful in some sort of way, I started tutoring at an after school tutoring program the city offered for school kids, that was held in public schools and libraries. It was one more thing to do in my already pretty hectic routine. Tuesdays were long and I got home around 9 pm, after having left before 7 in the morning. Yes, it was grueling, but I had to keep on going, early on I could see those kids needed the tutors. I was finally doing something that meant something to someone. Since I had a really long trip home, and two bus rides, I started making a pit stop at the Havanna café in between my two bus rides to get a cup of coffee to go. Eventually, that felt like something I had to do on Tuesdays, otherwise my day didn’t feel complete. It became a reward system for those long hours and the effort that went into teaching English for two hours after a 9-hour day at work. That was my moment. I had earned that. Many days I felt completely devoid of energy, but still I kept at it. After all, I knew the coffee was waiting for me. It became a sort of magical element, a balm that could heal all wounds. Still to this day, I remember the feeling of walking along the Barrancas de Belgrano park with my hot cup of coffee and a smile on my face.

#rituals #mental health #anxiety #coffee

[shadowhunterwizard]

I am so done with the United States of America! And I am so done with this past year! (note: this is just about events that directly impacted my life this past year) (a rant, by me)

• so in the summer right after 3rd grade (to give you perspective, I just finished 9th grade), my father (who was abusive to my mom and also a horrible parent) left and abandoned my family, leaving my mom to take care of me and my sister. Then, in 6th grade, he suddenly started a whole court thing trying to get partial custody of me and my sister (at least I think it was sudden, but since we were so young, my mom never really told told us every detail). After months of hell, the judge decided that we had to have like 12 or so monitored visits with him, one every week. The reason those visits stopped was because he went to a beach party and overdosed on drugs and was taken to the ICU, and my mom (thankfully) put her foot down on visiting him there. We thought it was all over and we were untroubled by him for the next few years. Now this is all background to show that he is a horrible person (even though it barely even scratches the surface) and that he put us through that hell. Then, almost a year ago we received an official court order that said that he was taking us to court AGAIN for partial custody over me and my sister. Now his terms were that we would have to live with him on weekends, every Jewish holiday (he claims he’s Jewish, my mom is Christian, and I am an atheist), every spring break, and every other winter break. Oh, by the way, he lives in Las Vegas (a different state than us). So that would make us travel to another state very free period we have except for summers and every other winter. So we fought against him in court; fortunately, this time me and my sister didn’t have to miss school and go to the courthouse (instead we had a wonderful childrens’ attorney). It put so much stress on us, but we powered through it and we won; the judge said that my father will never bother us again.

• we live in Southern California, and there were a bunch of wildfires last year that were pretty close to home. One was so close that we actually had to evacuate and go to a fire shelter at the nearby community college. Looking back on it, it wasn’t too bad, but it was very scary at the time.

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

• then, about a month after the last threatening (for us) fire was one of the worst things of this past horrible year. On November 14th, 2019, at about 7:35 16-year-old Nathaniel Berhow opened fire on the quad of my high school, Saugus High. He shot 5 people plus himself. 14-year-old Dominic Blackwell and 15-year-old Gracie Anne Muehlberger were killed, as well as Berhow. I was in band that day, and we were independently practicing for auditions taking place the next week for concert season. I (a percussionist) was practicing timpani (a deep big drum) and I was at a really loud part of the music when I noticed everyone suddenly became silent. At the same time, my sister (who was near me) shot me a scared look that I to mean to stop playing. Then I noticed a clarinet girl (I later found out that she was outside when the shooting started and ran into the band room to warn us) with a horrified look on her face. My sister said that there were gunshots. I was in such a deep shock that I put away my timpani mallets before following into the band director’s office. We (a smallish group of people, and the band director himself - the rest of the band hid in the adjoining music library and other practice rooms) stayed in that office for what felt like hours, and I thought I met hearing gunshots, but they must have been something else because the shooting lasted only 16 seconds. Sixteen seconds. That’s all it took for 3 people to be killed, and for me to develop a jumpiness whenever I hear so much as a small pop. Sixteen goddamm seconds. TRIGGER WARNING OVER ⚠️ ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

• a few days before my family received the court order for the father that abandoned us, we also received a notice that our house, the only home I’ve ever known, was going to be forclosed on. A year after the first court ordeal with my father, my mom’s job at a hospital as the head psychologist was eliminated and she was layed off. She tried so much throughout the years to get another job, but she just couldn’t get one. And so our house was foreclosed. After the school shooting, our school had a week off, plus Thanksgiving break immediately after; so 2 weeks away. While most students probably used that time to heal and hang out with friends, my family had to have a big house sale to sell our stuff. After that, we tried listing our big furniture and other things we couldn’t keep on various apps. We also donated as much as we could. Meanwhile, my mom did the best she could to keep delaying the foreclosure date. Then, in late February, we got a notice that said that we absolutely had to move out by March 4th. Me and my sister missed a bunch of school days (I know a lot people would love this, but I love school and always hate when I have to miss it) so that we could go looking for apartments. We finally found an apartment that is as cheap as we could find in this extremely expensive city and that also accepts people with foreclosures. The only problem was that the unit wasn’t available until the 11th. So we had to rent storage units to put all of our stuff and stay in a crappy motel for a week. On March 11th, we finally moved in to our small apartment (we missed school again). We were so busy that we didn’t realize until we were going to get takeout for dinner that that was our dog’s birthday, and that we didn’t celebrate how we also had in the past, and hopefully will in the future.

• then, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, making our live in our new, tiny, WiFi-less (at first) apartment. Although we are bored out of our minds, what bothers us it that 10 days after we were supposed to move out of our house, California lawmakers decreed that there would be no foreclosures until after the pandemic. If we were able to stay TEN more days, we would have been able to keep our house for another few months.

Now, I did not write this rant about this past year for sympathy or pity or attention or anything else. I wrote it because there are so many things wrong with this country and the political leaders (a certain one in particular...) that I believe were highlighted in this last horrible year. We have some leaders in this country that believe that climate change is fake, or a hoax, or whatever else they call it. It isn’t fake!! It is actually happening and causing more destruction, like the fires SoCal and Australia experienced last year. People who ignore science should not be leading our country, or anything at all!! Also, guns aren’t needed! People are taking guns that a lot of the time they can legally buy and use them to kill people. The solution isn’t to have more guns out, it is having MUCH less guns, and in the hands of people who have undergone background checks and tests to make sure that they are to be trusted with them. We aren’t even saying we should take away all guns, to uphold your precious Second Ammendment!! And this stupid economical system is TORTURE to so many people. Capitalists think that making money is better than giving people the necessary elements of living - water, food, and shelter. People who value money over other people’s f***ing livelihoods have no human decency whatsoever and should just leave this country. Preferably to the bottom of the ocean.

Thanks for reading my early morning rant that I did not proofread, and... yeah

#usa #capitalism #2019 2020 #this was a horrible year #sometimes i really hate this country #sorry for the rant #personal rant #random rant #my rants #ranting #rants #blowing off steam #releasing my bottled up emotions #early morning rant