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witch-priestess · 4 years

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Food For Thought

So sometimes as a priestess you are reminded by the universe and the ancestors of lessons that you learned while younger, and you can pass the wisdom on. I have a student who reminded me of a moment when I wasn’t taking care of myself.

I was 19, I was “healthy”. I was a Freshman in College, and I was in dance classes in the morning, physical acting classes, and I was an exotic dancer in the evenings and I either walked or biked everywhere because I didn’t have a car. So I thought I was doing alright being super “fit”. But I wasn’t. I would be working on my homework writing a paper or readings, and I would forget to eat. I would stay up late, and sleep in as much as I could until I had to get up for class not getting up in time for breakfast. Sometimes I would remember and eat after class, or I would go grab lunch, but in the evenings, it wouldn’t cross my mind. It got to a point where I didn’t register when I was hungry. So I may have had some muscle and I may have been 120lbs soaking wet with a 22 inch waist, but on my 5′ 8″ frame, that is not healthy. I wasn’t eating enough to fuel my body, or my mind, or my spirit.

It got to a point that one night I went to bed and I had a dream. I was walking around in this nebulous purple space, because you know, dream, and suddenly a tiny woman showed up. She barely came up to my chest, and she was wrapped in scarves, and elderly, and had coins clinking on her necklace bracelet, and scarf on her waist. She had several shawls, and a basket. She looked me up and down, and took a few steps back, and threw a pierogi at me from her basket!

“Eat!” she said, in a thick Eastern European accent, “Eat! You are too skinny!”.

“I don’t know if I even like pierogies!” I exclaimed.

“Eat it anyway!!!”

The tiny babushka glaring then watched me as I began to eat the pierogi. I finished it, and she threw another one at me, and another still saying “Eat! Eat! You are too skinny!” If I protested she would pelt me with pierogies.

(^^^This was the face she made^^^)

I woke up bemused, it was a strange dream and I found it funny. Then it became a recurring dream. I did some research into my family tree, I knew I was Slovenian on my mother’s paternal side, but I discovered from her father that we had a Roma connection in my great-great-great-grandmother. I considered this and interpreted the recurring dream as an Ancestor Visitation.

Why was she visiting me though?! Like a pierogi to the back of the head, I knew: I haven’t been eating. It took me a solid 4-6 weeks to figure this question out, and having this dream on a every night basis. So, I began to eat. I set alarms and times so that I would eat, I asked my roommate to remind me. I was still super physically active, but I also made sure to actually fuel my body. The dreams don’t really come any more these days, and they tapered off for the most part after a solid month of regular meals.

I realized wasn’t really listening to anyone in the mundane world, including my own body when they were telling me I should eat., I am really glad that sometimes the Universe, Ancestors, and the like intervene directly to knock some sense into you by sending a grandma lobbing dumplings at you. When it comes to caring for ourselves though, self-care isn’t always what is perceived to be “healthy”, it also isn’t doing things that are about pampering or coddling ourselves either, and the Universe doesn’t always intervene with bellowing babushkas bombarding you with buns.

Self-care takes time and has several pieces but has 2 main steps. First step is building support, choosing people that help you grow, challenge you, and truly have your best interest and care at heart. People that you love and trust. These people include building a friendship circle, spiritual support, and medical/mental health support (especially if your relatives are toxic). This is an active thing, and it is hard, it includes both sharing and being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be, and listening to them when they tell you something important. Self-care is also about building a relationship with yourself and really getting to know who you are at your core. It is also developing that core self. How you develop that and when depends on the person, but it is super important in becoming aware and self-actualized. This is a process and it is not passive, you are building yourself and who you want to be as a person.

Knowing yourself and giving yourself what you need, is part of what magick is about. It isn’t about the Ancestor Dreams or our abilities, it is about our wills, our ability to listen and connect with each other and ourselves and creating the person and the world that we want to live in by giving our minds, bodies and spirits the fuel to do it.

I needed this reminder because I had been feeling like I wasn’t in touch with my spirit or my deities, or my people or myself. Taking the time with this student reminded me of what I need to do to feel and regain that connection again for myself, and that knowledge will help me wield my will and manifest the things I want for myself and grow the connections I have.

I hope this speaks to you too on some level, and you are reminded that these things take time, and no matter where you are on your timeline you are exactly where you need to be. The self-care and listening are active life-time processes that we as witches and magicians practice. Blessed Be.

#spiritual journey #wicca #pagan #witch #witchy #religion #philosophy #witch community #wiccan #pagan community #ancestors #dream #self-care #magick #witchcraft #paganism

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meowgetsproductive · 4 years

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Getting back on your feet. Resetting. Day 1

Technically it’s day 15 of my 365 challenge/new year resolutions. However, like most of you, I ran out of steam and flopped my resolutions.

Today marks a reset to day 1. I don’t see flopping as an excuse to give up the challenge. Maybe I can’t do it for the full 365 days in a row. But maybe I can do it for two days in a row, or ten, or a month. In any case, I hope to have figured it out by December.

The 365 challenge is:

Projects 1) Edit or write 1000 words a day (currently: M39 Novel) 2) Go to gym every 2nd day (current: pass fitness test) 3) Do one course exercise a day (current: Artist’s Way) 4) Progress 1 chore a day (current: renew passport)

Habits 5) write morning diary daily (emotions) 6) stretch daily (body) 7) Meditate daily (spirit)

I’m restarting this blog to share the journey with you. Why not restart your resolutions now? Or set some if you haven’t yet, for an exciting year of growth.

So, where I’m at right now, is I’ve just awoken from burnout.

I couldn’t string two words together, much less write heartfelt 1000 words of my novel. Yesterday, I had a trip to meet my boyfriend’s parents. Sitting in front of two well-meaning strangers, being asked simple questions like "what do you do?” had me in stumps.

The parents meant my profession but I was thinking about something much more mundane.

What was I doing day to day?

Burnout is a horrible thing. It robs you of inspiration, creativity, and creates an unfillable void in your chest. Nothing feels good enough, good enough to try. Nothing is exciting. I’ve been reading day after day, all day, trying to fill that emptiness in my soul.

That trip to see “the parents” made me look at myself as an outsider. I didn’t like what I saw.

What the hell was I doing with my life? It’s only been two weeks of the resolutions and I all but forgotten them! I have lost myself, letting entropy and the lack of energy dictate my life.

So today, the start of Day 1, I am restarting this blog and getting myself into gear. Gently.

I urge anyone starting out to treat yourself gently, like a new student. To get back on your feet you need encouragement, not harsh blows of criticism.

Today’s all about getting back to our feet. Gently.

I’m typing this blog as I go, because I need gentle encouragement. Baby steps.

First thing I’m gonna do is have breakfast. Luckily I have eggs in the fridge. I did say today marks the start of Day 1. Forget the resolutions for now. Even doing breakfast feels hard.

For breakfast, I made 2 eggs with leftover tofu and spinach from who knows how long ago, and packaged miso soup. I have miso soup every day, so it’s a typical breakfast for me. You shouldn’t try to make anything fancy. A jam on toast is fine. the point is to eat something that gives you energy to start the day. It’s hard to function when you’re low AND have no physical energy either. So we start with breakfast. I also made a banana smoothie in a blender to snack on as I go.

Next, I’m gonna tidy up my room. I live in a share house and my bedroom doubles up as my study and entertainment and library. I have piles of washing on my bed, plates on my table, pillows on the floor, random plastic bags of stuff that I barely remember dumping by the bed to be dealt with later. I have so much stuff that I can barely breathe. I need orderliness to think, and right now, my surroundings make me feel anxious and suffocated.

I’m not gonna clean up the whole place, that is too much effort. But I took the dishes and cups to the kitchen. I have put scattered books into stacks so they’re out of the way. I put all used tissues in the bin.The biggest eyesore are clothes. Seeing clothes on the floor makes me feel out of control. I have two baskets where I sort used clothes instead of just throwing them on the floor. I put exercise clothes in one basket under the bed, while lounge clothes went in the other. It didn’t take long. The one thing that did take time was folding the laundry. It took time but it was worth it for the sense of freedom of my room clothes-free. Just remember, we want to create a sense of peace and serenity, so that you can get on with your day. Maybe you don’t mind your clothes on the floor, maybe for you it’s cleaning up that really ugly stain that bugs you. Or that shutter making an infernal rattling noise that you couldn’t been bothered to fix. Get your peace of mind. Fix it.

I put on some nice music while I tidied. When I was done, I lighted a scented candle to cheer up the place with a nice scent. Maybe play a victory tune to celebrate if that’s your thing.

The tidying took up more energy than I was prepared, and I feel wiped out. I haven’t even started on my daily seven yet. I just feel like collapsing with a book and not getting up again.

Luckily for me, there is one item on my daily seven that invigorates me when I remember to do it. It’s number five, the diary.

Now my diary isn’t like a normal record of the day diary that most people use. My diary are the morning pages from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. All I do is write out my worries. That’s when it works best. Sometimes I don’t know what’s bugging me and writing it long hand helps me figure it out. Sometimes I can’t think of a worry, then I write whatever is on my mind, stream-of-consciousness style. The point isn’t to list all your worries, but to let out of your chest whatever is gripping you. Sometimes it’s the excitement of a new idea, and I have written little scene sketches in the diary too. Dreams. To-dos. Battle plans before meeting The Parents. There is no wrong way to do the diary as long as you write whatever comes to mind, not stopping. “I don’t know what to write now...” is something I see too.

I did this diary for 2 pages of my large notebook, which is roughly 22 minutes. And that takes of item number five on my daily seven.

5) write morning diary daily (emotions)

I give myself a sticker for each of the seven that I complete. It cheers me up and brings a little bit of joy into my day.

In my morning pages diary, I realised that each of the items isn’t hard. The illusion of it is. It seems hard, but once you start doing, it’s actually not that hard to do the task in the moment. Stretching isn’t hard. Thinking about doing stretching, about how much time and energy it takes and that I’d have to get up and start moving and that I’ll never be flexible so what’s the use, is what keeps me stuck dead. The key is not succumbing to the illusion of difficulty, and just starting. Once I start, the task will take care of itself. 10 minutes meditation is nothing. But thinking about sitting there trying not to think and how my back always aches, is the enemy.

My advice is, start the thing. Don’t think about starting the thing. Start doing the thing. If it’s gym, get dressed and out the door. Start doing it. No debating allowed!

I’ll meditate next. Another thing that often remains undone, because it’s boring.

I find meditating boring.

Sitting without thoughts, experiencing time without beginning or end is very hard for me. I’m very good at imagining stuff, such as cleansing the chakras or directing energy in my mind. Sitting quietly with a silent mind, 10 minutes seem to go on on FOREVER.

All right, fine. Start. Not deliberate. I’m going.

I sat on a cushion and set alarm for ten minutes.

Ohh, it started off well enough. Then I got really restless. I started counting my breaths to 10, which really helped. Then after some time, my thoughts went wild. I was deciding which movie to watch tonight as my reward for doing so well, Dr Strange or Iron Man. Those are my favourite movies. Also I was thinking that I was gonna finish early today, and how early was early? At which point I realised I’ve had a pop song playing in my mind’s background for some time. Ugh.

Ten minutes felt long, but I lasted the whole time and now I feel so happy and proud of myself! I have done the meditation for today, item seven. Another sticker. Yay!

The benefits of meditation are numerous, but the benefits don’t kick in until several months in, same as gym. It took my brother 3 months of gym before he began to look great. I’ve just started gym and meditation myself on New Years Day, so it’ll take some time for my mind to center and my body to look great. Today’s a great day to start!

7) Meditate daily (spirit)

Well, I feel like I’m on a roll with my daily habits, so I’m feeling inspired to do the 10 min stretching. I’ve already done morning diary and meditation, stretching feels like a piece of cake! (See how small steps inspire more small steps? I’m all fired up!)

I put up some music, set the timer, and bam! Done. Three stickers today. The amount of bones I cracked was embarrassing.

Why do I resist stretching so much? Again, it takes time, even if it’s just 10 minutes. It’s boring, even if I put on music. Plus it hurts when I’m sore or I try the splits. Then why do it? Because doing something like a ten minute stretch helps keep flexibility and freedom of movement for life. Like all good things, the tangible benefits don’t kick in until later in life. (I’m beginning to see a pattern here).

6) stretch daily (body) Done!

That’s the Habits triad done. Yay for emotions/body/spirit!

Where’s the mind, you may ask? Well, the rest of the daily tasks are mind-heavy. Writing, gym, course exercise and chores tend to draw heavily on intellect. They make my brain flex.

Writing draws heavily on all areas.

Going to gym is as much a mental battle as physical exertion is.

By now, I’ve done the easy items on the list, the ones that take 10 minutes max. Doing it this way was semi-deliberate. I need easy wins right now to feel empowered. Attempting something like number one: writing, would be too overwhelming for me. Thanks to starting with the small items, I feel accomplished, I feel confident about getting more items done, I feel cheerful and I have what I feel like lots of energy (stretching could be at play for the energy boost).

Next, I feel like tackling the easiest item on the Projects list. Which is number four, the chore of passport renewal.

All I have to do for passport renewal is to load the official form onto USB and print it, get two passport photos, and go to post office to pay a fee and lodge the form and the photos.

The due date is tomorrow. I’ve been putting it off for a month.

The reason is, I am hesitant about taking that photo. I currently have long-ish hair at my boyfriend’s request, but I normally keep it short. I don’t want long hair in my passport photo. I have been procrastinating getting a haircut (and hurting my boyfriend’s feelings), yet I wasn’t comfortable taking a long-haired photo. That would be ten years staring at a photo that screams “not me”.

Some of you might be thinking “Gal, it’s your hair, you don’t have to do what your boyfriend says!”. I agree. This time, however, it’s not a bother to keep my hair long. I don’t care that it’s long right now (and I like that my boyfriend appreciates it), I just don’t want my hair long in my passport photo.

Alas, I’ve decided as I’m typing this this that I’ve left the decision for too long, and I’m worried about the paperwork expiring tomorrow if I don’t do something now. So, I’m gonna find that passport form and put it on USB, then fix myself for going out (long hair and all), and see if I can take the photo at the post office directly rather than getting someone to do it for me and then rushing to a printing shop last minute (for all of you who can print at home, I am jealous and I salute you!).

Finding an empty USB and loading the doc there took less than thirty seconds.

The getting ready didn’t take too long because I had met The Parents yesterday and so I was all clean. I wore the same clothes cuz I just needed to do the photo, not please people.

Doing well so far.

At the post office, the lady told me they don’t do printing. While they could do the photo, they can’t print my form to finalise the process.

I envy you, printer-owners.

I contacted a relative to see if I can use their printer, and also if they can do my photo. It would same me money if my relative could print the photo for free. They said okay.

Turns out the passport photo couldn’t be printed via inkjet printer. I only printed the form at the relative’s.

Then I drove back to post office, did the photo, and submitted the whole thing.

I’m so tired now. This recovery thing is hard.

Or maybe that’s cuz it’s early dinnertime and I haven’t had lunch yet.

4) Progress 1 chore a day (current: renew passport)

I’m gonna make some food next. It’s not dinner, not lunch, but something in-between.

I made a sandwich for that meal. Again, I wasn’t going for fancy, since I’m so low on energy.

While having lunch and talking to my brother, I have randomly uncovered an answer for a touch writing problem I’ve been having about some critique I’ve gotten. I was so inspired by this insight that I worked on the solution for about two hours, which resulted in about 2,500 words. That covers number one on the resolutions list, quite by accident.

I love when success begets more success.

1) Edit or write 1000 words a day (currently: M39 Novel)

Now it is late, and I’ve been sitting down for most of the day. Plus the gym rush has ended. A great time to head out to gym.

I didn’t stay long in the gym, only 40 minutes, 20 of which was walking on treadmill. Baby steps, remember?

2) Go to gym every 2nd day (current: pass fitness test)

By the time I got back and took a shower, it was 10pm. I still have one item not done.

This leaves only one item not yet attempted, and that is item two, the course exercise (for the Artist’s way). It takes only 5 min. I remember that all exercises for week 11 in the book are lengthy. I don’t think I can easily do any of them. So, I’m gonna do the trick I do for really difficult tasks, or tasks I’m really scared of.

I set a timer for 10 minutes.

In that time, I’m gonna read the exercises and see if I can do any today. If not, I’m going to pick one and write up a list of materials I’ll need, or do a search if the exercise asks me to contact people etc. Basically, I’m gonna spend the 10 minutes trying to progress something somewhere.

10 min. Go!

I could do one exercise. It was massive. I had to list 10 wishes in 7 areas of health, possessions, relationships etc... I only got through the heath, possessions and leisure in 10 minutes, and I thought I was coming up with wishes pretty fast. Those course exercises aren’t quick!

However it does accomplish my daily resolution of progressing a course exercise by a minimum of 10 minutes. Yay!

3) Do one course exercise a day (current: Artist’s Way)

This means I did all 7 resolutions! Hooray!

I gave myself a special sticker to celebrate!

But it did take me a full day, from breakfast to 10:30pm to do all seven, and I didn’t have any obligations today. If you have work or are looking after kids, then maybe try for one resolution a day. I definitely don’t want to be spending an entire day tomorrow doing just the resolutions. I’d like to do other things too. But today I wanted to start it easy and so I didn’t plan any other things so that I had plenty of time to do the resolutions.

I hope that once I’m more at the rolling stage, I can achieve all the resolutions in a single 3-4h evening. If you have a lot of resolutions and you’re struggling, do the math to figure out what is realistic. My resolutions take a total of 3 hours 20 minutes as a minimum (items 3 to 7 are ten 10minutes each, to a total of 50 min. Gym takes about an hour. Writing is variable, but 1 hour for 1,000 words sounds reasonable. Plus add a minimum of 5 minutes between each activity. Seven activities require six breaks, a total of 30 min). So, a theoretical 3 hour 20 minutes worth of tasks took me 12+ hours to do today. Again, be gentle with yourself.

What are your resolutions for today? I wish you success, good luck and good cheer!

Meowgetsproductive

#NewYearsResolution #life goals

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mattklowak-blog · 4 years

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Lessons Learned From Running A Marathon Without Training

“5 Hours in, 24.2 miles down only 2 miles to go, the only thought in my mind was the crippling pain with every stride in my right foot and the cramps in my thighs. Limping down the final stretch with a medical vehicle circling me…”

The only thing worse than running a marathon is running a marathon… without training… in 5 hours and 26 minutes.

My marathon journey started well before the gun went off as the race began. The truth is, it started over a year before, and the training was not what you may have thought.

I started my journey of personal development over a year before the marathon when I was 22 and decided I needed to start figuring out this game we call life.

I started taking care of my body, mind and spirit and gaining control in all of these areas, which I will go into detail in other blogs, but for now, all you need to know is that I was in pretty good shape, had a great mindset, trusted myself and meditated every day.

The reason why I bring this up is, as many before me have stated, a marathon is more of a mental race than a physical one. For me, a marathon is a true test on how much pain and discomfort you can stick out to hopefully cross the finish line standing. I was used to being uncomfortable. In the 7 months leading up to the marathon, I lived in 6 different states and 3 different countries living out of a single carry-on the entire time while starting, failing and succeeding in many businesses. The lessons I learned along this journey about myself may be the only reason I was able to finish.

At this time, I was actively looking for some test to give me some feedback on if my personal development journey was actually benefiting me instead of me simply saying I was more confident and had a good mindset, which is so easy to say but not as easy to prove. I wanted to see how far I can push myself and I was up for a challenge.

As the universe usually provides, I was given an opportunity to test myself.

My buddy Evan, who was running a marathon for charity with only training 30 days, reached out to me to catch up. I was on the call with him and as I usually do, I took things to the extreme when he jokingly said I should run it with him. Right then and there, I told him if I could run 15 miles right now I would run the marathon with him.

I dropped everything I was doing, grabbed a few bottles of water, downloaded an app to record running distances and started running. No plan, no direction just running

While on this run, I developed a strategy which I believed to be absolute gold. My strategy was simple… fast walk at a 14 minute pace and run whenever I could at around a 10 minute pace. If I did this I would end up running the race in under 6 hours, which was in line with my goal of just finishing no matter how long it took. Sounds simple enough right?

I ended up running those 15 miles and it was the second worst running experience I have ever had, but I did complete the 15 miles ,so I signed up for the marathon.

I ended up running a 3 mile run and 7 mile run in the week leading up to the marathon, got sick for that entire week and had a golf outing the day before, which historically was a heavy drinking event, which I did partake in.

Most people take it easy, go to bed early and carb up the night before a marathon to get some fuel for the race, which I guess I sort of did, only instead 2.6 carbs and 12 oz at a time, thanks to my unofficial sponsor Busch Light and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way.

If I was going to run a marathon, I was going to run it my way.

Hungover, dehydrated, exhausted, I was picked up by Evan to head over to Manitowoc, Wisconsin for our marathon.

To set the scene, I did not have fancy running shoes, a headband or even those fancy fanny pack looking water bottle holders. All I had was me, myself and I and that was all I needed.

We ended up arriving 20 minutes before the event, stretched for a few minutes and the race began.

I am not going to go over every detail of the marathon but there definitely were some highlights and lessons along the way, which I will dig into.

First things first, no matter what, if you have a marathon strategy, even if it is the dumbest strategy ever created, STICK WITH IT as long as you can.

My strategy was the fast walk and running interval combo. The reason I say stick with a strategy as long as you can is because the start of a marathon can set you up for crossing the finish line on your feet or in the back of an ambulance.

The only thing stopping you from starting off on a good note is your own ego.

At the start everyone young and old, fit and out of shape, the runners who will finish in 2 hours and ones who will pass out before the halfway point are all jammed together and it is VERY easy to feel like you need to run someone else’s race instead of your own.

Stick to your pace, do your thing, it is you against yourself out there and no one else matters or even cares what your pace is besides you; a lesson I am glad I realized right away.

This was hard for me seeing a 70 year old and people who were way less in shape than me going faster than me and controlling myself to stick to my strategy. Stopping myself from thinking I should be in front of this person or that person and making myself think only about what I was doing was a lesson I took with me from this experience and apply to my everyday life.

I knew I would need to get into a “meditative state” early on and to do this I threw on some Audible books, specifically The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which I use as a guided meditation nearly every day. This would allow me to not think about running a marathon and just focus on my breath and being peaceful and relaxed.

The first half was a joke to be honest. I ran it at a 10 minute pace which was way faster than I was planning. I was feeling great going into the halfway point. I was very happy and surprised by this.

I am not sure if it is just a Wisconsin thing but this marathon had quite a few booths filled with spectators who were offering shots and beers to those running. Obviously, this is a joke and obviously I took advantage of the free running fuel. I stopped and had a beer and a shot or two of Jameson to make the marathon a bit more enjoyable.

Again, I was going to run this marathon my way.

Little did I know, a half mile later, the cramps would hit me like a truck. I could not run anymore without searing pain in my thighs. Thank God I had some of these random potassium powder packets in my pocket and I started piling powder in my mouth for the rest of the marathon. I did not have any water so as anyone knows from the cinnamon challenge popular years ago, this was not a fun time.

I was lucky my strategy worked very well during the remainder of the race, except I had to make an executive decision to change the strategy slightly to more of a run until my cramps hurt so bad I could not run anymore and fast walk until the cramps went away. Rinse and repeat.

I followed this model until about mile 18 where there was a bucket labeled “Water” on the side of the road. Of course there was a group of spectators across the street. As you can probably guess, there was beer in the bucket, one of which was a Busch Light and as my unofficial marathon sponsor, I felt obligated to shotgun a beer and carry on. It was not like my cramps would get worse… they did.

Around mile 20 the cramps became the least of my issues. I started to have some horrible pain in my right foot, most likely due to running like an absolute rookie and landing on the right side of my foot the entire time. After 20 miles of doing this, my shoe literally was broken on the right side, flattened out with no support whatsoever. I ended up having a stress fracture in my right foot.

The funny thing is the entire time, no matter what problem I ran into, self-induced or otherwise, I did not have a single thought about giving up. I was going to finish even if I had to crawl across the finish line long after everyone was done with the race. If I ended up crossing the finish line with no one to see it, or no one to celebrate with, knowing I set out to do something crazy and completed it would have been enough for me.

The only thing on my mind was playing a tape in my head about what it would feel like to finish the marathon in one piece. This visualization, a thing I learned while meditating over the past year, kept me going in ways I could have never imagined. I still use these visualizations every day to push me forward in life when there are bumps in the road.

At this time, I started to run past those people who I felt so self-conscience about running past me from the start. This was very interesting to me and taught me how judging your worth based on what other people are doing is absolutely pointless. Some of these people regrettably did not finish. In a marathon and in life the only race to judge and focus on is your own.

5 Hours in, 24.2 miles down and only 2 miles to go, the only thought in my mind was the crippling pain with every stride in my right foot and the cramps in my thighs. Limping down the final stretch, with a medical vehicle circling me, pouring all the potassium powder I had left down my throat I slowly worked towards the finish line.

When I noticed these medical vehicles circling me and even though I was limping like crazy, the thought in my head was to look behind me to see who needed the help… classic, they were there for me.

My response to their attractive efforts to throw me off my mission and into the back of a truck where I could relax and stop the pain were met by a smile, a wave and yelling “I’m finishing this F**ker.” Reluctantly, they let me continue, remaining a stone throw away behind me. Quitting is always the easy way out. I did not want to look back after coming so far and not complete what I set out to do. The thought of the what ifs, and the excuses that come with not finishing, were overpowered by my sheer will continue at any cost.

5 hours and 26 minutes later, I crossed the finish line after Evan, allowing me to finish in style, gave me a beer yards away from finishing. It was a Coors Light, Sorry Busch I still love you.

I stopped moving for the first time in over 5 hours, and nearly collapsed from a combination of pain, exhaustion and unconditional satisfaction in myself.

I did not show up to run a marathon, I came to finish a marathon and that I did.

The feeling crossing the finish line is something only someone with a 26.2 sticker on the back of their car can relate to and I wish everyone dumb enough to run a marathon can enjoy this feeling, or one similar, at least once in their life.

I could hardly walk for weeks after this but to be honest I didn’t even care. The weird thing is I still run and after a few miles I seriously wonder how the hell I did it. I know I could do it again but damn that was a journey.

A marathon is such an amazing experience. It is an opportunity to surround yourself with people who are all on the same mission but on individually different journeys and the best part was that there was never any negativity when running. What I mean by this, is everyone who came across my path on my journey was rooting for me and I was rooting for them. We all were on our own paces and wanted the absolute best for each other the entire time.

The way I think about it now is life is a big marathon. People run past you, you run past them, you might even have some people run with you for awhile until you, or they need to speed up or slow down. Either way it is okay. Everyone in life is on their own pace and we are all trying to make it to the finish line no matter how we define it. Some want to finish in 2 hours, while others are just happy to finish in general. Again, either way, who are we to judge anyone else’s journey but our own. All we can do is support them in every way possible while we are running alongside them or come across them along the way.

Overall, running this marathon was a life changing experience for me and the proof I needed for myself to know the things that I have done on a personal development level are working, whatever that means.

Whatever your marathon is, whether it is a 26.2 mile race or any other seemingly impossible task, run that shit. Run it hard. Run it constantly and never quit… ever.

#marathon #motivation #running #running a marathon #self improvement #personal development #inspiration #inspireothers

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fieryrondo · 6 years

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my top 25 favorite programs from the 2017-2018 season

So. We survived Olympic season. (Or did we?)

A few lessons gleaned from the past ten months:

the season is indeed long

momentum is fleeting

in the wake of disaster there will always be skaters who shine (thank god)

eating pineapples and writing prayer fic is extremely therapeutic

Olympics hype really is all that

being an fs fan is equal parts suffering and reward, though often times it seems more of the former and less of the latter.

See below for twenty five of my favorite programs from what has been a most tumultuous season, roughly in order of enjoyment. There is no rhyme or reason to this list as it is purely subjective based on my taste, which is already questionable to begin with. To avoid cluttering the top spots with skaters I absolutely stan and would gladly die for, I have limited myself to one skater per program.

Re: performances from Olympics. It was notoriously difficult to find footage for many of these skates. Thanks ISU I’ve done my best to link to broadcast footage whenever possible but have resorted to a few fancam links for some of these performances. Please do not manipulate fancam footage without permission from the uploader; I’ve been guilty of reblogging gif-sets made from fancam footage (which 99% of the time have the watermark removed and are clearly uploaded without consent and credit to the fancam creator) and am now trying to be careful with what I reblog.

Without further ado, here are my top picks:

25. Jimmy Ma’s SP, Propaganda/Turn Down for What, 2018 US National Championships

A guilty pleasure but something this fun can’t be bad right? This is the kind of skating program I’d show to friends and family in real life who dismiss figure skating as a dated sport characterized by heavily used classical warhorse music almost everyone recognizes but can’t actually name.

24. Ross Miner’s FS, Queen Medley, 2018 US National Championships

While Nathan skated a very technically strong program at US Nationals, the free skate of the night for me went to Ross Miner, who roused the crowd into a roar when he had the skate of his career and made a convincing bid for the Olympic team. Fun and electric, this program sparkled with energy from start to finish.

23. Moa Iwano’s SP, Asturias, 2017 JGP Austria

I generally don’t pay much attention to the junior skaters (so much skating, so little time!), but this talented lady from Kobe caught my eye during the JGP series. There were quite a few tangos this season but this one was by far the best one (that’s right, the best tango this season came from a 13-year-old). While her jump technique is not the best, Moa has an impressive sense of musicality beyond most skaters her age. I’ll definitely be following her more closely in the seasons to come.

22. Keegan Messing’s FS, Chaplin Medley, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics

Thanks to a certain Spanish skater, I’ve developed a soft spot for Chaplin programs and while Keegan didn’t manage to skate this program clean, I really enjoyed it. It’s cheeky, charming, charismatic and full of fun choreographic details that bring the program to life. With an exodus of Canadian men retiring this season, Keegan will be among the oldest. He really hit his stride this season; here’s hoping he snags his first Canadian title next season!

21. Patrick Chan’s FS, Hallelujah, 2017 Skate Canada

Enjoyed...is not quite the right word to describe my feelings when I saw this particular skate via live stream. Shocked to pieces was more like it, and perhaps an overwhelming sadness to see him struggle so much. This skate would set the tone for the rest of Patrick’s final competitive season--a mentally, physically and emotionally taxing end to a competitive career most skaters can only dream of having. While this skate was a technical disaster--he skated a total of only two clean triples--it is nonetheless beautiful in the way a withering flower is; a remnant of elegance, an echo of years of skill, a lament for what could have been.

20. Yuna Shiraiwa’s FS, Pictures at an Exhibition, 2017 Internationaux de France

I had a hard time with this one because I adore both of Yuna’s programs this season, set to two very interesting pieces of music. Her FS, “Pictures at an Exhibition” won by a slim margin mostly because I love Mussorgsky and “Pictures at an Exhibition” is one of my favorite suites of all time--I also realize now that it’s really really difficult music to skate to because of the million tempo changes, key changes and the fact that half of the movements are very slow and not at all suited to skating. It’s a highly ambitious program for a 15-year-old and choreographically there are a couple of abrupt music changes that break up the flow (it’s mostly variations of the Promenade theme with a few other movements spliced in) but I really appreciated the challenge she took with a riskier but interesting piece of music. Looking forward to more exciting programs next season!

19. Nathan Chen’s FS, Mao’s Last Dancer, 2017 US International Classic

Super early in the season when skater after skater hopped onboard the recycling train like there was no tomorrow, I was ecstatic to hear Nathan bring forth two brand new programs. While Nemesis proved to be an instant hit, I was drawn to the free, an intriguing blend of Chinese music and Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring (avant-garde eargasm!!!). Mao’s Last Dancer had the potential to become a truly memorable and complete program. While the strategy to strip down the choreography in favor of hitting the technical elements later in the season was a practical choice, alas the performance I enjoyed the most happened to be its debut.

18. Cheng Peng/Yang Jin’s SP, Assassin’s Tango, 2017 Finlandia Trophy

What a rough season they’ve had :/ But I loved their short program, which they only managed to skate clean internationally exactly once this season. For some reason, after Finlandia, this short never really clicked for them (missing the cutoff for the free at Olympics was tragic) and they ended up returning to their tried and tested short from last season for their post-Olympics redemption in Milan. It’s a cute and fun program and they skated it best here.

17. Vanessa James/Morgan Cipres’ FS, The Sound of Silence, 2018 World Championships

After a strong start to the season led to a lackluster 4th place finish at Europeans, James/Cipres scrapped their initial free program to return to a program they were much more comfortable with, a strategic move that paid off when they rebounded at the Olympics and at Worlds with season’s bests and a shiny Worlds medal :) While it is not a technically perfect performance (see their 2017 World Team Trophy for a clean skate), there’s a lot of power and passion in it.

16. Carolina Kostner’s SP, Ne me quitte pas, 2018 World Championships

Simply divine! I have nothing else to add except that this was a breathtakingly exquisite performance, and I’m glad Carolina was able to perform this program to perfection in front of her home crowd.

15. Maia Shibutani/Alex Shibutani’s FD, Paradise, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics

I admit I wasn’t immediately sold on the Shibutanis’ final program to their self-proclaimed “Trilogy”. “Fix You” was an amazing program, the best program of their career so far, and as with all sequels, it was tough to imagine “Paradise” could be better. But somehow things started to pull together once they made a few tweaks midway through the season and they pulled off a magical performance in Pyeongchang. Technically brilliant but also brimming with emotion, a performance absolutely worthy of Olympic bronze.

14. Elizabet Tursynbaeva’s FS, The Prayer, 2017 Internationaux de France

I fell in love with Elizabet last season (particularly her free skate to “Princess Mononoke”) and was very excited to see what programs should would do next. And she did not disappoint. Besides having the only acceptable Carmen this season, I also loved her free skate to Celine Dion’s “The Prayer”- it’s light and lyrical, a good fit for her. She still rushes through the choreography and some of her spins look really weird to me but she has made enormous strides in her presentation despite being hampered with a serious hip injury midway through the season. She’s lovely to watch, so floaty and quick over the ice.

13. Adam Rippon’s FS, Birds, 2017 NHK Trophy

What can I say? I loved this program last season and seeing it again this season was even more spectacular. The attentiveness to the music, the choreographic touches with bird movements, the meditative atmosphere. It’s just a very beautiful program. Adam has such a vibrant personality that obviously shines in his more “showy” programs, but I think I enjoy seeing his softer, lyrical programs best.

12. Wenjing Sui/Cong Han’s FS, Turandot, 2017 NHK Trophy

As a fairly new fan, I don’t have the same level of distaste for warhorses as veteran fans do (I imagine this will change once I have more years of figure skating watching under my belt). It’s not as poignant or as memorable as “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” from last season, but I admit I still very much enjoyed this skate, if only because Sui/Han were the ones skating it. Did I wish they had picked something a little more interesting? Yes, but they’re Sui/Han. They can make anything look good.

11. Kana Muramoto/Chris Reed’s FD, The Last Emperor/Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence, 2018 World Championships

Kana is the best thing that has ever happened to Japanese ice dance (Chris, you’re cool too.) I’m so weak for this genre of music and ever since I discovered a certain tiny queen skated to Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence, I’ve been waiting to hear it again. I’m a sucker for nature imagery and you really get the sensation of the passage of time and the movement of the seasons. Watching this is like taking a breath of spring air.

10. Boyang Jin’s SP, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, 2018 Four Continents Championships

Meh movie, great music. My favorite Boyang program to date, it was really exciting to see him attempt something more serious, a heftier program that would expand the emotional range of his skating. His short program was brilliant at Olympics, but I enjoyed Four Continents a little more because it was such a comeback after an injury-filled first half of the season. Out of the new generation of rising quadsters, he’s made the most improvement and I have no doubt he’ll continue to grow over the next quad. Onwards and upwards, Boyang!

9. Madison Hubbell/Zachary Donohue’s FD, Across the Sky/Caught Out in the Rain, 2018 US National Championships

My favorite free dance of the season! You can always count on Hubbell/Donohue to do something a little offbeat. Blues is a bit of an unusual choice of music for a free dance (which tend to be either lyrical or warhorsey drama) but it fits them like a glove. After building some good momentum earlier this season, a few fatal errors in the free including an invalidated choreographic sequence left them trailing in 4th, just shy of the podium at the Olympics. They rebounded to claim their first Worlds medal a month later, which was a special moment to witness but I felt their Nationals performance was the most passionately skated.

8. Tatsuki Machida’s EX, Swan Lake: Siegfried and His Destiny, 2017 Carnival on Ice

Go big or go home. The time and technical requirements of amateur competition are clearly too restrictive for Tatsuki’s genius :) Why cram the greatest hits of Swan Lake into a paltry two-minute program when you can really do it justice by skating to it for almost eight minutes instead? Tatsuki spares no expense for his epic-length programs. Every moment is meticulously thought out and is as extra af. We’re treated to almost a minute of dramatic music and a skater-less spotlight before Tatsuki appears. The star of Swan Lake is typically the swan (or the black swan) but no, that’s too conventional; let’s make Siegfried the guy everyone’s talking about instead. Drama hands! Floofy hair action! Seven straight seconds of twizzles in time with the tempo change! Dramatique feather posing because why not. Did that twenty seconds of absolute silence between movements make you uncomfortable? Good, because it’s all eyes on me! Skating so gorgeous you wouldn’t even notice there are only two jumps (both amazingly timed to the music), this is a visual and aural feast for the eyes. It’s a Swan Lake to outclass all other Swan Lakes that have been, that are, and that will be.

7. Akiko Suzuki’s EX, O, 2018 The Legends

[inserts crying emoji] A regret I have is not becoming a fan when Akiko was still skating competitively. I love this program soso much and seeing it brought back again was a real treat. The choreographic sequence still sends shivers down my spine <333

6. Tessa Virtue/Scott Moir’s FD, Moulin Rouge, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics

Scintillating. Flawless. The pinnacle of ice dance. It’s the kind of performance that just sears into your mind for a long, long time. Though they didn’t get perfect marks here, it’s as perfect a skate you’ll find.

5. Wakaba Higuchi’s FS, Skyfall, 2018 World Championships

Such a cool and sleek program. I like the blue dress more than this one but this was easily the free skate of the ladies in Milan for me. A passionate and powerful skate, it was really nice to see Wakaba come back strong after a disappointing Nationals finish and hit it at Worlds. Reigning World Silver Medalist! (now please give her the PCS she deserves)

4. Aliona Savchenko/Bruno Massot’s FS, La terre vue du ciel, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics

Wow. Just wow. I went in as a Sui/Han fan but wow, this free skate is gorgeous and sweeps me away every time I watch it. And they performed it to perfection at GPF, Olympics, and Worlds. The choreography is amazing and unique, and apparently full of little touches to previous programs (like the star catching moment from “The Lighthouse”, their free program last season). Dominant, majestic, and absolutely exhilarating to watch. I can watch this again and again and never tire of it.

3. Satoko Miyahara’s FS, Madame Butterfly, 2017-18 Japanese National Championships

While her short program is more loved (as it should be, it is an amazing work of art, Lori really outdid herself, you should go watch it ^^), I think I enjoyed her free skate more simply because it’s given her so many Moments this season. Coming back from a slew of injuries, including a serious hip injury from last season, it was highly questionable if she would even be able to make it to the Olympics at all. But Satoko silenced all doubters again and again, at Skate America and then at Japanese Nationals, where she gave the free skate of her career with an emotive and stunning performance that carried her to her Olympic dream on butterfly wings ^^. Triumphant, mesmeric, spectacular-it is a Madame Butterfly that rewrites the tragic ending into one of hope, a story that is entirely Satoko’s.

2. Javier Fernandez’s FS, Man of La Mancha, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics

(password to video link: man of la mancha)

A skater from a small federation, from a country where figure skating barely exists, Javier has written history again and again. And what a journey it has been! From finishing 35th at his first Worlds appearance in 2007, Javier would go on to qualify for his first Olympics in Vancouver and become the first Spanish skater to win Europeans, to win Worlds, and ultimately, to win an Olympic medal. It feels appropriate that “Man of La Mancha”, an unapologetically Spanish program that perfectly captures the essence of Javier’s career--”to dream the impossible dream”--is to be the program to stake his Olympic dream on, And his Olympic dream truly seemed almost impossible in the months leading up to Pyeongchang. An uncharacteristically disastrous free at the Cup of China disqualified him from making the Grand Prix Final for the first time since 2013. And while his Chaplin short clicked for him (also excellent, highly recommended), he struggled with the free all season long. Unabashedly romantic, with just the right amount of earnest cheese (the best kind) and aged whimsy, “Man of La Mancha” is my favorite Javier free skate and I’m so glad he was able to skate it to its fullest potential at the competition that mattered most.

1. Yuzuru Hanyu’s FS, Seimei, 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics

What makes a skate great? Legendary? Memorable? It’s easy to jump to the pristine “Seimei” in Barcelona, the ethereal cleanliness of “Hope & Legacy” in Helsinki, or even the world-record breaking (again) “Ballade No.1″ in Montreal. While all of these skates are indeed great, legendary, and certainly memorable, I find my thoughts turning instead to a young seventeen-year-old Romeo in Nice, unleashing his battle cry after a dramatic fall as he fought through a sprained ankle to win his first Worlds medal. Clean performances are definitely great, but great skates don’t need to be clean. At the end of the day, what makes a skate great is in the struggles overcome, hardships endured, fears mastered, doubts silenced; in spite of it all, to manage to find joy and fulfillment in not only what you have accomplished but also in the thorny path that has led you there. It’s not as perfect as Barcelona, but the Seimei in Pyeongchang offers a different kind of magnificence, a triumph in more ways than one.

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gilbertandanne · 7 years

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So, I don’t expect anyone to comment or come back with their own $0.02 concerning this, but I have to get something off of my anxiety-ridden chest.

*begin rant*

2 0 1 5

That was the year I started writing again. I saw a ship that gripped my heart so much that I dove into a fandom and read every single fic about the pair I could get my hands on. Then, I felt inspired to write something. Then something else. And then something else.

Then came “Serendipity”.

If you’ve interacted with me at all or have followed me for any length of time, you’ve probably seen me post about what eventually turned into that series. I started tapping into that AU world in 2015 when I thought of a simple premise: what if Lucas didn’t move to New York until his junior year of high school?

Steadily, it morphed into this fic that, quite honestly, became one of the few pieces I’ve written that I can say that, overall, I’m proud of. Obviously, I would go back and change some things about it if I could, but the general story of it all is something I am proud of.

Then came “Amaranthine”.

I always knew what I wanted the story to be, but after talking to some friends about it, I decided to split the story into two part because the title “Serendipity” didn’t fit it anymore plus an eighty chapter fic seems insanely large.

So, “Amaranthine” came about, and again, it’s a work that I am pretty proud of. I spent hours upon hours trying to convey a story about love and the complications that stem from characters who aren’t perfect and a world that, quite often, challenges young love.

When it was done, I walked away. I was, for the most part, happy about how it all went. I thought I remained true to the characterizations that MJ presented in canon on the show (something that I have ALWAYS made sure to put first in whatever universe I have put them in. I have scrapped entire plot lines to remain true to who these characters are). I moved on to other, shorter, less emotionally draining fics to give myself a bit of a break, because writing angst and some of the subject matters involved in those fics R E A L L Y took an emotional toll on me.

So, months later, my mind started to go back to that world and I started thinking about how these characters navigated through college and beyond. I didn’t want to write it at first. Writing shorter, less angsty fics, was--honestly--a lot more fun. But I started to get all of these signs (sometimes, quite literally) for the fic title I always said I’d use if I went back for a third part.

And then one day, the plot hit me.

Most of you, at least the few who are still reading this, know the rest of the story.

So, why am I going into this rant on my blog?

Because I don’t really care if you said it in the least abrasive way possible, but telling someone that their characterizations of B O T H of the main characters isn’t good is the quickest way for me to completely shut down creatively.

I’ve grown attached to this world. Two years of constantly working on these fics, spending hours upon hours agonizing over every single word, has made me VERY sensitive to the feedback I receive. I know that the good outweighs the bad (and that the good has been more than I ever thought I’d receive), but sometimes all it takes is one person to make you question why you even wrote the entire thing in the first place.

I’m sorry you feel the way you do about Riley and Lucas and the way I’ve chosen to present them. I’m sorry you perceive them to be people they aren’t. I’m sorry you’ve projected your personal situation onto them. I’m sorry you’re, quite often, “frustrated” by what I write. I’m sorry that you had to spend, what, a few hours reading all of this.

But guess what?

I’ve spent an INSANE amount of time developing everything you’ve read. It takes me a long time to edit a chapter down enough to where I feel like it’s ok enough for other people to read. I don’t even want to think about how much of my free time I’ve spent in this world. I write because I enjoy it. I enjoy getting lost in these little worlds. I have enjoyed sharing these worlds, but don’t...for one minute...think that you know these characters better than I do.

To correct one thing that was said: he’s not perfect. He’s grown, absolutely, but his past issues haven’t completely disappeared. I’ve spent 22 chapters building up a perfect storm within him.

And there’s a reason why she has made every single move she has. You want to blame her for everything that’s happened? Cool. But I’ll tell you right now that it’s a snap judgment. The tide is turning and it sucks that I failed as a writer for the sheer fact that you can’t see that. Then again, maybe because I have a “bird’s eye view” on the fic it’s not as easy for me to see the viewpoint of someone just casually reading it.

If you think for one second she wouldn’t sacrifice herself to save him, then I’m not even sure you watched the show tbh.

I love feedback. I really do. It’s nice and awesome and a wonderful perk to have as a writer, but as someone who has had more push back from this fic than anything I’ve ever written (and that’s stacking it against everything else I’ve written...COMBINED), it’s more than disheartening to receive feedback that kinda makes you wish you hadn’t ever written any part of the series, not just the most recent installment.

Honestly, I’m not proud of a lot of things I’ve written, but over the last handful of chapters, I was starting to find that mojo and I was really happy to share those chapters--especially the one I posted earlier today. I rewrote that chapter three times, spent hours editing it, and I was so excited to share it.

But then I read that feedback. And now, it’s seeped into my insecure, anxiety ridden brain and I can’t stop thinking about it. And I know I’m going to be thinking about it long after I finish the fic. That’s just who I am.

I’m sorry you think she’s selfish and he’s unrealistic. I really do. But it also sucks for you, because if you had an inkling as to what was coming, maybe you would’ve held off on telling the author all of this, and making her feel like shit for even posting the story in the first place.

*end rant*

#delete delete delete #i know it wasn't said with malice but what was the point in telling me that?#seriously #if you don't like it don't read it #katie's rambling again

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paintedrecs · 6 years

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Rules: Go to your works page, expand all the filters, and answer the following questions! how fun! (tagged by @mad-madam-m )

1. What’s your first and second most common work ratings? Any surprises?

Teen And Up Audiences (22)

Mature (5)

Nope. Actually, I’m a little surprised I even have 5 in the Mature category. I stressed a little about including more explicit sex in PDIW (I know there are still people in fandom who won’t read fics if they’re not rated E), but the thing is, I don’t enjoy writing sex and don’t feel like it needs to be squeezed into a story. If it’s necessary to move action or emotional connections along, that might change at some point. But so far, that hasn’t been the case.

2. What’s your most common archive warning? Least common? Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer?

No Archive Warnings Apply (18)

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings (11)

I should probably change the latter to “No Archive Warnings Apply,” because I think that’s more true for all of them? I was just being a lazy tagger, and that was the default.

I said this the last time I answered this question: I don’t think writing Major Character Death or other “gritty” storylines makes someone an “adventurous” writer. (So this question annoys me.)

I like to challenge myself by finding ways to fit Sterek into the oddest scenarios possible. Like Hot Fuzz, which was prompted by an article about shaving patterns into hairy backs. Or my Sterek zine piece (yet to be revealed!), which was inspired by a friend’s tweet and my insistence that pretty much anything can be Sterek if you look at it the right way.

I also try to stretch myself and make sure my writing improves as I go. (Hopefully this is true! It’s hard to tell when you’re looking at your own work.) For instance, I think I’m a lot better with dialogue than with physical descriptions, so I made conscious efforts to write more of the latter in PDIW chapters.

3. How many fics have you written in each relationship category? Is this more accidental, or do you have preferences?

M/M (28)

Gen (1)

That’s mostly because I only write Sterek. I have a F/F WIP that I dunno if I’ll ever get back to (from Kali’s perspective, so Kali/Julia), and if I ever finished my Allison POV one, it’d be M/F, unless I decided to give her a break from relationships. I have other pairings in the background (Cordia and Berica are common), but I only indicate the primary pairing’s category, so that’s why the numbers are like that.

4. What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers? Are you still active in any of them, and do you tend to migrate a lot?

Teen Wolf (TV) (27)

Check Please! (Webcomic) (1)

Teen Wolf (TV) RPF (1)

I will not be writing more RPF, and I occasionally think about taking that one down, although I still like the story itself. I’m active in CP, in that I run a blog and support Ngozi on Patreon, but I honestly don’t feel the need to write fics for it. (Or even to read zimbits fics, really.) I’m happy with their canonical portrayal and would rather sit back and let Ngozi tell their story.

You can tell I don’t really migrate...I do in terms of reading, but for now, I’ll probably just stick to writing Sterek. I have so, so many ideas left and no time to even finish those, much less jump into other fandoms.

5. What are your top 4 character tags? Does this match how you feel about the characters, or are you puzzled?

Derek Hale (25)

Stiles Stilinski (24)

Laura Hale (10)

Scott McCall (10)

Derek is my favorite, as anyone who’s followed me for any length of time probably knows. So yeah, the top three are pretty obvious. I absolutely love Laura Hale and would like to write some fics from her perspective, too.

In terms of favorite characters, Cora Hale or Sheriff John Stilinski should really be fourth, but Scott’s important to Stiles, so it makes sense for him to be up there. I don’t particularly like canon!Scott, especially in the later seasons, but I still have a soft spot for fanon Scott. He’s a good guy and a supportive best friend, and Stiles needs him in his life.

6. What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2? What would happen if you combined all 4 of these into a fic?

Top Two:

POV Stiles (9)

POV Derek Hale (7)

Bottom Two:

Established Relationship (4)

Alive Hale Family (3)

Well, those top two are boring! Although inaccurate, I think, since I don’t consistently remember to tag the POV. I think I do come up with more Stiles POV, especially lately, because I tend to make those faster-paced and more humorous, so it’s a little easier to write. Derek generally has a softer, quieter, more introspective narrative, and I need to invest more time and emotional energy when writing from his POV. Which isn’t to say that Stiles doesn’t have emotional depth or his own trauma - he just deals with it differently. Snappy dialogue and avoidance is a little easier to write.

I wouldn’t mind combining all four. I don’t think I have...Established Relationship is usually a canon-compliant thing for me, and Alive Hale Family obviously isn’t. And alternating POV is something I do more for longer fics. I don’t think I have anything like that lined up right now, but I wouldn’t rule it out.

7. How many WIPs do you have currently running on AO3? Any you don’t plan on finishing?

None!! I don’t post WIPs. I do share snippets on twitter, and if you follow me there, you’ll get sneak peeks for most of my upcoming fics, since I outline a bunch as twitterfics that I (plan to) later flesh out. But I edit my writing too much to post incomplete works.

PDIW was completely done before I started posting. It cracks me up a bit that some people seemed to think I was actually writing a chapter of that a day...it took me about 7 months to write, and another 1-2 months to finish editing, and that was a fast process.

I posted The Supermoon Series as an accidental WIP, and it still annoys me that I can’t go back and fix things in the first part that didn’t quite fit with the expanded plot of the later ones. So I’m not gonna do that again.

#meme #fic talk #I dunno I'm procrastinating #sterek #long post #sorry I rambled

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rescuesirens · 7 years

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NC Mermania 2017, part 2 - Mermaiding

From Jess (originally posted on rescuesirens.com, January 31st, 2017): It’s hard to believe, but I haven’t written yet about my mermaid tail! I’ve posted a handful of tail photos here on the “Rescue Sirens” website as well as pictures and video clips on Instagram and Tumblr, but this is the first time I’ve blogged about it, and I don’t know if I can do it justice with mere words. My mermaid tail is a wearable, working piece of art.

Although it’s been around for decades, the sport, performance, or hobby of mermaiding has really taken off in recent years. Today, you can buy an affordable fabric tail that slips over a plastic monofin (a device, as the name suggests, that looks like a pair of fins fused together, designed to contain both feet and keep a swimmer’s legs together to aid in the dolphin kick), or you can spring for a variety of other materials, varying in price up to $4,000 or more. One of the most popular materials is silicone, and there are multiple tailmakers who create truly stunning silicone mermaid tails for swimming. My tail and matching top were handcrafted by Raven and Tyler Sutter of Merbella Studios Inc., based in my home state of Florida.

The story behind the creation of my tail is pretty magical. On our family vacation to Orlando in August of 2015, Chris, his daughter Nicole, and I made a side trip to meet Raven and Tyler at historic Weeki Wachee Springs State Park, Florida’s “City of Live Mermaids.” There, I got to view the fabled springs for myself for the first time -- I grew up in Florida and spent a lot of time at Ginnie Springs over the years as well as Silver Springs and Homosassa, but, almost unbelievably, I’d never visited Weeki Wachee… and now here I was in this iconic mermaid mecca, with Mermaid Raven, seeing one of her gorgeous silicone mermaid tails in person! Wow!

I was so impressed with her handiwork’s artistry and flawless construction, and even more impressed with Raven and Tyler themselves: they’re brilliant, beautiful, fun, and phenomenally talented people who I feel very fortunate to call my friends today.

That first meeting. As you can see, we all got caught in a Florida thunderstorm!

Before we parted ways, Tyler and Raven took detailed measurements of my lower body so they could custom-build my tail, and I left Weeki Wachee looking forward to the day when I could try it on and go for my first swim.

Both the tail and the top that went with it were going to be designed as a “realistic” version of Nim’s, the Rescue Siren whose appearance Chris based on mine, and I was curious to find out how Raven would adapt Chris’s drawings into something that had to obey the laws of physics and look like it “belonged” on a real human being (as opposed to a cartoon), while still retaining the spirit of Nim’s design. Over the next eight months, Raven periodically sent work-in-progress photos as she sculpted Nim’s flukes and fins as well as the leafy, kelp-like halter top that Nim wears in her undersea home, Lophelia. Even in humble gray clay, everything looked amazing.

In April of 2016, Chris and I took another trip to Florida, and we made plans with Raven and Tyler to spend some time at Orlando’s YMCA Aquatic Center. The Y features a seventeen-foot-deep dive well, and I was beside myself with excitement at the idea of hanging out with Raven again and even getting to swim together. I knew that she was close to completing my tail and had already finished my top, but I wasn’t expecting to receive them until May, so I figured she’d bring one of her extra tails and I could borrow it for our swim. Imagine the look on my face, then, when Raven unveiled my very own Nim tail in the YMCA’s parking lot! It was so unexpected that I actually didn’t register what I was seeing for several moments, and then I squealed and squeezed Raven half to death.

Raven had taken the images of Nim that Chris had drawn and she had made them real. The delicate curling fronds of Nim's seaweed top, with sparkling green crystals imbedded amongst the gentle floral curves... the sweeping lines of Nim's graceful tail -- "blue as the ocean in the morning," scales glittering with iridescent shine -- from the flawless transition at the blended waist to the lightly ribbed dorsal, adipose, and ventral fins, all the way down to the immense flukes: three feet wide and ingeniously hiding a Finis Competitor monofin within.

Raven still had some finishing touches to put on my tail’s paint job, but I could try it on and go swimming with her!

I didn’t truly understand the phrase “fits like a glove” until I put on my Nim tail. It was made to conform to my body exactly, and, boy, does it do that. Even with Raven’s help, I swear it took me something like an hour and half to wriggle into my tail that first time. I’ve since gotten it down to under ten minutes (again, with my husband Chris’s help), but, if I hadn’t had Raven there to show me what to do at first, I honestly don’t know if I would’ve believed I could get into that tail. Once it’s on, it fits like a second skin, which makes moving through the water effortless. (Loose tails can flap around a person’s waist and legs, catching water as they swim and creating drag.) And once it was finally on that first time, I took off into the dive well… and I felt like I was flying.

When you’re wearing a mermaid tail, you can’t really get a good look at yourself while you’re swimming, so what made me do a double-take was seeing Raven (who can get into her tail in, like, two minutes!) glide past me in her own tail. The illusion is flawless; the blended waist effect that Raven can achieve with her tails is wholly convincing, her tails’ flukes bend and flow realistically, and Raven herself is so fluid and graceful in the water that you would swear she’s a real mermaid.

A post shared by Rescue Sirens:Mermaids On Duty (@rescuesirens) on Dec 22, 2016 at 1:33pm PST

Chris and Tyler, watching us, discussed the interesting quirk about mermaid tails: when a Victoria’s Secret model wears angel wings, she can’t fly, but, when someone puts on a mermaid tail, they really can swim. The fiberglass Finis Competitor monofin built into my tail is rated for ocean swimming, and I can cross a pool in only a few dolphin kicks. I went from the dive well’s surface to the bottom at seventeen feet below in the blink of an eye. I felt strong, powerful, and beautiful -- just like I imagine the Rescue Sirens in my stories -- and I can never thank Raven and Tyler enough for that.

My Nim tail has already been on a number of adventures, from Orlando to two Hawaiian islands to Weeki Wachee Springs and back here to Los Angeles, but those tail-tales will have to wait for another day, because today I want to write about mermaiding at NC Mermania!

The main event of NC Mermania was our time at the Greensboro Aquatic Center, affectionately referred to as the GAC (that’s pronounced “gack”). Merfolk took over the facility’s dive well, which, just like Orlando’s YMCA Aquatic Center, is a whopping seventeen feet deep and twenty-five yards wide; vendors (like us) set up on either side of the giant body of water. Chris and I readied our table with books, buttons, and Diving Belle motel key tags, and then I “turned tail”… with the help of Chris (who is an incredible husband for many reasons; this is only one of them) and a whoooole lot of coconut oil.

Although the tail is a challenge to get into, the reward once I’m in is well worth it: I get to go swimming! It’s so refreshing, both physically and mentally. I feel like a little kid again, only I’ve leveled up the way I “play mermaids” in a manner that wee Jess never could have imagined. I've always been a water baby, and swimming in a realistic mermaid tail is a whole new way of interacting with the element I love so dearly.

I recently had rashguards screen-printed with the “Rescue Sirens” logo, and I wore those stretchy lifeguard tops as part of my Nim outfit for both days in the dive well at the GAC. I was so tickled every time someone recognized our property! I loved talking to people, answering their questions about the books and the world, and spreading the word about this series that means so much to me. Because NC Mermania attendees are passionate about many of the same things that I am -- the ocean, marine conservation, water safety, and mythology -- that made everyone easy to talk to, even for an introvert like me!

Besides talking about "Rescue Sirens," conversations involved admiring and discussing one another's tails (Merbella Studios' tails like mine, Finfolk Productions, Mertailor, Mernation, any number of commercially available fabric tails, and even handmade), swapping water-friendly hair and makeup tips, learning new tricks (I was taught how to blow bubble rings!), and simply having fun swimming together. There was an innocence to the event that I found really charming. When was the last time, as an adult, that you really just enjoyed splashing around in the water with friends the way you did as a kid? I didn't realize how much I'd missed that.

While I played in the dive well, Chris was a rockstar and, as usual, a phenomenal husband: he not only sold copies of "Rescue Sirens: The Search for the Atavist" at our poolside table, but he also took lots of photos and videos to remember our time at NC Mermania. The only thing that Chris couldn't do was take photos from in the water (since he had to be able to return to our table at a moment's notice), but the wonderful Karsten Shein of Mountain Mermaid Photography had that covered, spending both days suited up in scuba gear at the bottom of the dive well with camera in hand.

Here are some of my favorite candids shot by Karsten (thank you so much!):

In addition to Karsten's underwater photos, I chose some of the best pictures and videos that Chris shot from the pool deck and compiled them into this short video, which follows me around a bit during our time at the GAC on Saturday. Huge thanks also go to Tom Cardwell for graciously sharing the underwater footage that he recorded of me swimming, and to Mermaid Aria for the photo of her, Mermaid Jolene, and yours truly. I'm so grateful for everyone's help!

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Next in this series: it's time to make legs and dry off for NC Mermania's social events and panels!

#rescue sirens #mermaids #nc mermania #chris sanders #jessica steele-sanders #merbella studios #conventions

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lisamarieblair · 5 years

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“May: the lilacs are in bloom. Forget yourself.”

― Marty Rubin

This May didn’t feel at all like May should. I usually look forward to the month since it’s the time of year when the weather gets consistently warm and the summer unofficially begins. May is supposed to be the end of the cold, of struggling, of coping, of having to be so resilient but this May was no such thing. This May turned out to be a nothing but a tease and a trick. It turned out to nothing but more drab and dreary winter.

This May we saw more cloudy, rainy, and cold days than any May I remember before. We even saw a record-breaking snowstorm! And that dreary, depressing, disappointment got right into my soul and I saw more unproductive days in a row than I normally do and anticipated I would. I didn’t meet any of the reading, writing, or learning goals I set for myself and my selfesteem subsequently took a hit. May, all in all, was a most miserable month for me.

And now June has come and with it the fast approaching middle of the year. When it’s over, I’ll have just six months left on the downhill side, the side of a slow decline into winter. I have from now though the arrival of autumn to find something to sustain me through the dreary darkness until spring will arrive again. I’m determined to make the most of it and do whatever I can to make up for May.

I want to hike, to explore, to breathe the smells of spring and summer, to look upon the leaves and flowers, to listen to the birds and to take as much sunshine and joy into me as I can. I want to spend as much time in pools, parks, and bar patios with friends as I can. I want to find happiness and enthusiasm again.

But before I do, here is what I am currently…

Writing blog posts or trying to, still. The problem now is a creeping inferiority complex. Who am I to think my words would add anything at all to the public discourse? Who am I to think I not only know anything at all but that I could help anyone when I so struggle so much myself? I am no one, but I love writing and I have to be true to that passion. I’ve been writing for myself lately, just notes and small bits, and fitting together to form short coherent pieces I’ll begin to share once a week at least this month.

Making centerpieces, signs, playlists, and big wedding decisions. We are down to just over a month and a half to the big day and things are moving fast now. It’s time to make our vision a reality or as sometimes is the case, for reality to finally make a compromising version of our dream. What I mean to say is, wedding planning is fun until you have to start paying for things and sticking to a budget but it’s better if you make things and stretch your dollar further.

Planning what married life might be like, or trying to. We’ve already been together for nearly 17 years now. Our house is already a home and in our hearts, we’ve been a family for a very long time, but we still wonder what if anything will change for us once we sign that license and change our names. We wonder if there is some higher or hidden aspect to living life together that we haven’t yet seen. We worry about what new challenges we will face or what changes each of us might yet go through. I’m trying to imagine the worst and to plan for it but we’ve already weathered so many storms it hard to picture what ellse is on the way. I’m sure we’ve survived the worst but also terrified worse is on the way.

Reading James Baldwin’s Notes of a Native Son. I’m not sure if I could this as “reading” since it was my first audiobook, but Goodreads does and I suppose that is good enough for me. I’ve always struggled with audiobooks (and ebooks too) but I think the fact that this was a collection of essays made it much easier to follow than a book of fiction. It was like listening to a podcast. I still plan to buy a physical copy in the future, one in which I can underline my favorite passages and argue in the margins but all in all it was a good experience. I’m also reading Notes from Underground, The Double and Other Stories by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, still, but I am making progress, slow excursiating progress.

Watching Chernobyl on HBO, a heart-wrenching and fascinating dramatization of the 1986 nuclear disaster. I finished Game of Thrones and am so disappointed by ending I refuse to even discuss it. I finished season 2 of the BBC’s spy thriller Killing Eve and loved it. I also liked Hulu’s adaptation of Joseph Heller’s dark comedy Catch-22 though I admit it is lacking when compared to the novel. I’m planning to start the Netflix mini-series inspired by the central park jogger case, When They See Us, tonight and I’m looking forward to the return of Hulu’s Handmaid’s Tale, Netflix’s Black Mirror, and HBO’s Big Little Lies in the coming weeks too.

Learning nothing. I have fallen behind in my learning goals. I’ll have to reset my deadline for International Women’s Health and Human Rights and find the time to begin again with Modern and Contemporary Poetry. The problem is one essay, just one simple essay that I am too afraid to write and submit and get a bad review on. For now I think I will move on and take another course rather than continue to stall and fall further behind. My goal was to finish at least 7 massive open online courses by the end of 2019 and I don’t want to lose my momentum or enthusiasm over a course I am not paying for and can begin anew whenever I feel ready.

Feeling overwhelmed, worried, down. I’m not sure what is going on or why I feel like this, or how to stop feeling like this. I know it’s understandable with the wedding, and work, and having a chronic illness but part of me believes I should be able to cope better than this. It should be so hard to keep up, to keep moving, or to keep making progress. It shouldn’t be so hard to do the things I love, the things I’m excited about and the things I know will help me feel better. So why am I struggling so much?

Anticipating a lot more stress. This summer I’ll be working a lot fewer hours than I’m used to which means less money coming in during a time when I need it the most. I’m worried by the time school starts again we’ll be in the hole and regretting not just the money spent on the wedding but the money I wasn’t able to make because I couldn’t work as much and because I’m spending time doing so many other things that don’t make money at all. There are also our property taxes that will force our mortgage payment up, and income tax benefits we weren’t able to get this year, and what we may owe next year. It’s been a long time since we’ve worried about money but I fear that old stress is waiting for us just up ahead.

Reflecting on how it feels not just to be getting older myself but to watch my entire community of family and friends, and the celebrities and public figures I have grown up with grow old with me too. My youngest sister graduated from high school this month and now none of us are children anymore. We are adults with stories to tell a new generation of sons and daughters, nieces and nephews, who are living in what feels to me like a whole new world, connected to mine yes, but different too in ways I’m not always sure I understand. I’ve up until now focused on the way that time passing has affected me but I’m beginning to notice that time passes everywhere all around me too. The city is changing, technology, entertainment, and culture are changing too. Everything is always changing. It’s exciting, sad, and scary all at once.

Fearing the future of abortion rights, gay rights, and the rights of immigrants and people of color in this country. Everything we feared would come to pass has slowly been becoming a terrible reality but the only thing worse than fearing what you can imagine is knowing the is worse that you cannot. So much that I thought would never happen and more I couldn’t even imagine has too and I grow increasing fearful of what I cannot fathom. I’ve had to turn off the news more and more and distance myself from what I feel I cannot control. I feel guilty to have the privilege of ignorance when I choose it and I know that in order to go on living with myself I will have be stronger, do more, and give more.

Hating that no matter how things change they never change fast enough. I hate that sometimes it feels frustratingly like nothing has changed at all. The days pass, we make progress; we move forward, experience, choose, and change, but it all just keeps coming back around again and again. THe same struggles, the same mistakes, the same lack of courage and imagination. Human beings, as a whole, I believe, are stunted and stuck. We won’t be forever, I think, I hope, but I know in my lifetime we’re going to go on fucking it all up. We’re going to go on fucking up the planet, killing each other, oppressing each other, and wasting the lives, talent, and potential of every one of our lives. I hate it. I really fucking hate it.

Loving everything about life right now. I love my fiance, my home, my family, my friends, my job, my city, and increasingly my country and myself. Nothing is perfect, and a lot is messed up, and painful, and bad, but it’s life and I do, despite it all, love life. I love living and I enjoy helping others love life too. I love laughter, discovery, connection, progress (however slow), and the experience of every single day even the bad ones, even the cold, dreary, depressing ones. I love my messy contradictions and my never ending struggle to find meaning and fulfillment. I love that nothing makes sense and I love that nothing much really matters. Being alive, being a person is hard, and I love it all, every minute and moment.

Needing to stay focused. I think I need a little less time online and a little more time with the good old, tried-and-true analog ways of doing things. I need less distraction. I need a schedule, a timer, and a to-do list. I need to make time, to sit my ass in the chair, and to create rather than curate. I need to get away from the T.V. and sometimes I need to get away from people too. I’m distracted constantly. I’m always doing anything but what I should be, what I deep down want to be.

Hoping that can find, and keep, my sense of enthusiasm and excitement again. It’s summer now, finally, my favorite season of the year and I do not want to miss it because I was too stressed, too tired, too overwhelmed and afraid to make the most of it. I’m hoping I can find the energy to give myself some tough love and a swift kick in the ass as needed to get up, get moving, and get out of the house for more than just work. I know that no matter how hard it is I’ll feel better for it and I just need to keep telling myself that.

So, yeah, all in all, May was actually not as bad as I’m making it out to be. There were good days. There were warm days. There were good writing days and good reading days. There was good news and progress was made. It’s just hard to look past the failures and the stroms to see it all but that’s why I write these, to get a better view of the past, of where I am, and where I hope to go.

But what about you? How has the unofficial start of the summer found you? What progress have you made? What obstacles have you come up against? Are you looking forward to the middle of the year or dreading it? What kind of year is 2019 turning out to be?

Let me know in the comments.

“And then, one fairy night, May became June.”

― The Beautiful and Damned, F. Scott Fitzgerald

The inspiration for these posts comes from Andrea at Create.Share.Love

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

#lisa marie blair #mine #wordpress #blog post #writing

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thetruthwillworkout · 6 years

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The Real Real Journey

Sunday, July 22, 2018…today is the day that I am going to try to start my real journey in getting back into shape and losing weight. It is 9 pm and I have eaten a 3-piece chicken combo Popeyes meal (at 3 pm), and that is basically the only thing I am eating today since it was so greasy I just want to drink water and wash it all away. I am also in the midst of watching a documentary on Netflix called “From Fat to Finish Line” which has inspired me to write this blog post, as it is in some way keeping me accountable for what I have done during the day. The documentary focuses on 12 individuals who have collectively lost 1200 lbs together and celebrating their weight loss with a marathon. Today, I can successfully tell you I have still not done my calculus or physics homework, and have done a 20-minute Blogilates workout which I took several breaks in between since I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life, which is the whooping weight of about 190 lbs.

I can honestly say this wasn’t too big of a surprise, I can see it in my face, my stomach, my arms. My fat was just everywhere and it has very heavily affected my perception of myself. I don’t look the way that other 18-year-olds look, especially since in university at every club and party, girls are trying to go out practically naked…but honestly I think they look great! I’m never jealous of other girls with great bods, I congratulate them! I mean, it must not have been easy to get that six-pack and a booty that just won’t stop! I just imagine the hard work they must have done. When I see girls like this, I just evaluate my own decisions, was it smart to order a pizza and eat it by myself? No, I don’t think so. I can go on and on about poor decisions in my life, but nobody got time for that. But I wasn’t always like this, with my knowledge of fitness and health I don’t know how I let myself come to this point in my life.

Since about 2013-14, I have been watching this Youtube channel called “Barbell Brigade” where it portrays an L.A. powerlifting gym. I got to watching these videos due to the gym owners Bart and Geo, who have separate Youtube channels called “Just Kidding News”, “Just Kidding Party”, and a couple of other funny stuff. I started watching this powerlifting channel since I loved their other channels so much, I just wanted to help them become successful by visiting all their channels. I began watching these powerlifting videos because I thought it was just SO cool to watch people lift heavy weights and it was just completely badass. This made me interested in learning more about the ever-growing sport so I got to watching their videos answering viewers questions about all things fitness related, such as “Do Supplements Work” or “Lifting Advice for Beginners”. I binge watched all these videos and tried to just absorb all this knowledge and learn how to lift.

I was about 13 when I was overweight in the eyes of my parents. I believe I was 5’3 and 120 lbs. Looking back at pictures and videos I do not look fat at all but I do just have a bigger frame than other girls, as my hips were very ‘womanly’. This was due to the fact that I went through puberty at the age of 10!! All the sudden I had B cups by the age of 12 while girls in my class have not even tried on a training bra yet. I was so self-conscious back then, now I wish I was 120 lbs. Anyways, at the age of 12 I went through a lot of changes, my parents spent over $1000 on acne treatment (oh yeah, and I also have such bad acne doctors would get shocked by it…yeah it was that bad) and I also joined the gym! Since you had to be 14 to register my dad used my older sister’s name and everything to get me in…I looked 16 at 12 so I think it’s fine, not illegal or anything…right? Lol, so at this time, I just used the machines at the gym and I went practically every other day with my dad, and I started to lose weight! Then winter came, and I just didn’t have the energy to go out, or I was tired from school. I was just making these excuses to not go to the gym because I thought I was done with my journey. I looked and felt great so that meant I could stop going which is what I think was going through my head. Unfortunately, this was not the case and I got into a huge argument with my parents.

Being Korean girl growing up in a predominantly white neighbourhood can be a challenge for a first-generation immigrant. I believed that guys only wanted girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, and no one would like my small eyes and big nose. Also, being a first-generation immigrant, my parents knew no one in Canada and started from nothing basically. Money was always tight and my mom always made a big deal of it. So, this relates to my journey because I stopped going to the gym, which did not go over well with my parents. Gym memberships are not cheap by any means, and by me not going were stressing them out, with my mom shoving the membership bills in my face and yelling at me. Being 12 and going through puberty, this was not a good time for a girl to hear she was too fat when I already knew that I was convinced that no one would like me if I was too fat, and Asian and I was going to end up alone with 20 cats (12-year-olds are sooo dramatic, am I right? Or am I right…?). This sent me into a depression which my parents noticed, and in my culture, you show your love with food. So, my mom is trying to apologize by buying me McDonald’s and just whatever is unhealthy. Of course, I ate all of it and eventually forgave her. With the weight I am at now, you have probably guessed I am the child that has fought with my parents the most and time and time again they fill me up with food to make up for it. But, I am in no way in shape or form, blaming my parents for my weight…kinda. This is majority my fault, but honestly, I didn’t know any better for myself and I was just filled up with hormones. It wasn’t until I was 15 when I started to make a change.

At the age of 15, I joined the gym again with my parents, and I also started going on runs everyday! Yayy! I think it was this age where I was the most fit I had ever been. My friends were noticing my weight loss (starting at 140 lbs to about 130 lbs), I was becoming quicker on my feet in my volleyball games which my coach noticed. I was constantly working out and eating healthy for about 3-4 months…but then came my mother. I was doing so well in reaching my goal of weighing 120 lbs, but going out to eat with my family was never fun. My mother would try to get me to eat chicken wings or pasta but I refused…until one day I didn’t. This just broke a wall in me, I began to eat more, and my runs were less frequent. My excuse for not running was it was starting to snow, and I didn’t have clothes to workout in the snow and I had no money to buy $100 sweaters for running at the Nike store. I quit the gym again, much to the disappointment of my parents, and I started to lose control of my self and my body once more. I love my mother, but she can make or break my mood and motivation at the snap of her fingers. She is always someone I look up to, and when I was younger, I thought my parents knew everything and everything they said was 100% true and accurate (I found out that this was false a couple of years later). But my father on the other hand has always been there for me, I tell him almost all my problems and he’s the one that helps me rationalize and get through them. He was always at my volleyball games and just there for me in general.

Back to weight loss! I gained a shit ton of weight back, but luckily, I took a course in grade 11 called Weight Training. This class allowed me to properly learn how to use most equipment at the gym, as well as learn how to properly squat (but using the smith machine) and using free weights. I already had previous knowledge on most of it since I’ve been on and off going to the gym since the age of 12, but I did learn which workouts target which muscles and how to safely train in the gym. Loved the class, and in that class, I met one of my close friends today, which is a nice plus 😊. I liked this class so much, I took it again in grade 12. In my grade 12 year I joined the gym, once again. It was never consistent, I tried to diet but it never seemed to stick, I wanted to go running but all of the sudden I was embarrassed and unfamiliar with it since I haven’t done it in 2 years. I was eating basically whatever I wanted and would go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week, never taking training too seriously. On the plus side, I finally got the courage to learn how to squat and deadlift with the squat racks at the gym, which my father did not think it was a good idea. My father is always concerned my health, but I believe he doesn’t know about health as much as he thinks he does, or he thinks he knows better than me. He might know better than me, but he will not take my passion away from weights and learning from professional athletes online. At this point in my life, I became more knowledgeable in powerlifting, crossfit, health, different diets, but was not really practicing any of it due to the restriction I felt I had living my parents. I was able to squat 50 lbs (with a 45 lb bar) and deadlift about the same weight, but was not eating the way I wanted to.

Then things changed when I went away for university. I learned that I found it was much more peaceful living away from my family, but this meant I had freedom in food choices which I didn’t have with my parents. Contrary to my mother trying to fatten my up, she’s the one that is constantly telling me that I shouldn’t wear blue jeans since they make me look too big and I should just stick with black clothing since it makes people look slimmer, or I shouldn’t spend money on clothes since she knows I’m not going to have the confidence to wear it. Just stuff like this to make a girl feel like shit. What I learned is that my mother is just projecting her own insecurities onto me, which I can look past, up to a certain point though. Next thing you know I’m 190 lbs, on my way to 200 which I am horrified to be. I’m about to enter my 20s, I can’t enjoy my 20s being fat! I need to dress slutty and make bad decisions in this period of my life!! I am 90% joking about this 😉. But at 18-years-old, I am going to find a personal trainer and try to get myself back on track. Tomorrow, I am going to try and wake up early and go for a jog. I am already intermittent fasting which I believe is great! I don’t have to worry about making 3 meals a day and can mostly focus on just eating fruits and vegetables as snacks during the school day in the period of 8 hours.

I am going to try and update this blog post daily to what I’ve done in the day.

#fitness #workout #weights #female #fitnessjourney #health

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flauntpage · 6 years

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There's More to Mikal Bridges Than Meets the Eye

LAS VEGAS — Mikal Bridges is the most crystallized lottery pick in his draft class, which is one reason why his entrance into the NBA was more unsettling than expected. “My agent said anything can happen,” Bridges tells me. “That was true.”

Nothing is certain in professional sports, but whichever team picked Bridges just about knew what it would get: a wing who’ll be 22 years old on opening night, who won two national championships at Villanova with a skill-set that’s immediately suitable for the NBA's modern backdrop.

Bridges didn’t know the Philadelphia 76ers—a team in search of swift production at his own position and owned by a company that also employs his mother, Tyneeha Rivers, as Vice President of Human Resources—planned to take him with the tenth pick until they were on the clock. The moment Commissioner Adam Silver read his name from the Barclays Center podium, Rivers, who was seated to her son's left, jumped from her seat, screamed, and shook a pair of jubilant fists over her head. Minutes later, she was interviewed on live television. This was a literal dream come true on multiple levels for everyone involved; from on-court fit to off-court familiarity, it was perfect.

“It’s amazing. It’s an experience I’ll never forget, and I’m so excited he’s coming home to be a part of our Sixers family. It’s amazing,” she sang through jittery exhilaration. “Go Sixers!” Not even 20 minutes later, the overwhelming joy was partially replaced by confusion. Bridges—who didn’t have his cell phone with him—fielded questions at a press conference after the trade that sent him to the Phoenix Suns popped up on Twitter.

“I didn’t understand,” Bridges says. “I heard ‘trade’ when I was walking and they were mumbling and I asked what they were talking about and they told me later. But I was just more wanting to see how my mom was because she was so excited for me to be back home. [I’m a] big mama’s boy.”

It took a few minutes to process the news. Unlike Philadelphia, Charlotte, New York, or Cleveland, Phoenix was never on Bridges’s radar. He didn’t interview with their front office or workout for their coaches. But according to Bridges, the Suns spoke to Villanova head coach Jay Wright hours before the trade, and were confident enough with the information they gathered from him and other sources to surrender their own 16th pick and an unprotected first-round pick owned by the Miami Heat in 2021.

The initial daydream that was filled with no-look passes from Ben Simmons and a chance to defend in front of a brick wall like Joel Embiid quickly shifted to all the possibilities provided by Phoenix’s unmarked canvas and lesser expectations. “A lot of people think I was gonna be upset because I’m not home. But they don’t get the point that I was drafted that night. So it’s what people think, but I was really excited. As soon as I got traded I thought about the pieces they have and how bad they wanted me.”

Bridges had already formed a close relationship with Phoenix’s first overall pick Deandre Ayton after the two spent time together in Los Angeles at the College Basketball Awards back in April, and he remembers competing against Devin Booker at various camps during high school. Right now, the Suns depth chart is filled with positional overlap, between Bridges, Josh Jackson, T.J. Warren, and incoming $15 million man Trevor Ariza. But compared to the Sixers, where action is almost always initiated by Simmons or Embiid, the opportunity for Bridges to cultivate more areas of his expanding game may prove useful in Phoenix.

For now, he’s most appealing when there’s nothing to think about. Whenever a pass glides towards his chest and smacks into his hands, he stares at the rim, bends his knees, and uncoils a picturesque jump shot that begins just southwest of his belly button and ends a couple feet above his forehead. Topped off by a brisk release that’s unbothered by just about every defender who’s asked to stop it, his form was molded by thousands of attempts at Villanova, where the coaching staff encouraged him to center a shot pocket that originally began way out on the left side of his body.

Today’s culmination is graceful, effortless, consistent, and the primary reason he’s a lanky, cherished jewel in the minds of executives throughout the NBA. Whether he’s sprinting off a down screen or standing still on the perimeter, Bridges has already mastered a skill that will raise his floor and insure his place on an NBA roster for at least a decade.

“I feel like I’ve got a lot of confidence in myself, and I feel like every time I catch and shoot, it’s going in,” he tells me. “No matter if there’s a person in front of me.” Bridges finished college as a 40 percent shooter from deep, but got better every season. Last year, on his way to winning the Julius Erving Award, he launched six threes per game and made 43.5 percent of them. I ask if he thinks he can be one of the ten best shooters in the world. “There’s a lot of great shooters in the NBA. You can say top ten, but I just know I have confidence in myself where every time I catch it, I’m gonna make it.”

Here’s a designed play from his Summer League debut, a set that takes advantage of everything Bridges can already do at the NBA level. He slips a ball screen and then comes off Ayton’s pick for an open three. Everything is tight and the timing is perfect. It’s the type of sequence that we’ll see throughout his career, twitchy misdirection that burns a defense already worried about his teammates.

Bridges, whose pre-draft allure rested on his ability to seamlessly slide in as a 3-and-D contributor, knows what he is and why he was drafted, even though untapped potential may bubble just below the surface. “If I work on live ball screen stuff but they just want me to catch and shoot and be a defender I’m gonna do that,” he says. “I’m gonna still be working on my game, but whatever they want me to do I’ll do.”

There lies the challenge for a rebuilding team that needs to figure out if he’s more useful maxed out in a specific role, or operating with some slack, able to develop different segments of his game that would otherwise lay dormant. There’s plenty of time to find an answer, but figuring out how he can have the most impact will be worth debating right away.

“I don’t think it’d be intelligent to talk about being anything more than who you are at the highest level you can be. And I think that’ll be his mindset,” says La Salle head coach Ashley Howard, who recruited Bridges to Villanova and then coached him for four seasons. “He’ll continue to add things to his game, but I don’t think that’s smart until he’s proven that he can be that reliable guy day in and day out."

Howard was an assistant coach at Xavier when he first saw Bridges play. Then a slender standout at Great Valley High School in Malvern, Pennsylvania, Bridges’s cousin sent Howard a highlight tape. “He was the tallest guy on his high school team so he was forced to do everything. He was the best player,” Howard says. “He would handle the ball, he rebounded, blocked shots. He was really good at moving without the ball, cutting to the basket, and had a really good knack for making a lot of—just like the way he is now—easy, simple, fundamental basketball plays.”

At his first recruitment meeting after Villanova hired him, Howard told the coaching staff his thoughts on Bridges’s upside, and how he was someone the program needed to have on its radar. They watched him flash even more potential in AAU that spring and offered him a scholarship soon after.

"I’ve got a lot of confidence in myself, and I feel like every time I catch and shoot, it’s going in.”

Instead of thriving as a one-and-done prospect, Bridges red-shirted his freshman year and spent countless hours in practice and before games working out with Howard. The NBA, let alone being a top-ten pick, was still a pipe dream, but Howard did everything he could to build Bridges up into what he is today. “I would talk trash to him,” he says. “I would create drills that I knew were next to impossible and just challenge him. He would never quit, but it would just drive him to the point where he knew what I was doing and it was a grind for him. He kept battling to the point where he’d win the drills, and then I’d have to try and create new drills to force him to have greater challenges.”

The journey from those workouts—that often ended with Bridges still angry at Howard until the next one began—to Phoenix is compelling and delightful. But where he goes from here is a bit of a paradox. Bridges’s age makes his evolution feel closer to completion than it probably is—he’s two months older than Booker, who’s already spent three seasons in the NBA and just signed a five-year, $158 million contract—which makes him less shiny than the nine teenagers selected before him. But the way he improved throughout college, going from a skinny redshirt freshman to the Big East’s leader in PER and True Shooting percentage, hints at a career that could surprise a lot of people.

Three years ago, he didn't start once and averaged 6.4 points per game. Only 29.9 percent of his threes went in and his 14.5 usage rate was fourth-lowest on Villanova. Last year, he started every game, upped his scoring to 17.7 points per game and only trailed (Wooden Award winner) Jalen Brunson in usage rate.

In a day and age when having a fluid wing who can protect the rim, deflect a ton of passes, and credibly space the floor is at a premium, every NBA team wants Bridges's attributes. Sitting in the stands at Las Vegas Summer League, one writer likened him to J.J. Redick...if J.J. Redick could guard three positions. Another wondered if he could be Corey Brewer with an outside shot. At worst, he may be a more consistent Robert Covington. “Uncompromising Otto Porter/Khris Middleton” is not impossible. Neither is him getting buried in Wesley Johnson Cemetery.

Most likely, though, a shot so accurate even when under duress—"He’s a really good shooter," Howard says—mixed with the physical dimensions of a vicious help and individual defender (he's 6’7” with Draymond Green’s wingspan) epitomizes what’s most valuable in a league that requires versatility from virtually anyone who wants to play more than 32 minutes a night. Less than a quarter of all players who saw the floor that often stood 6’10” or taller last season. (Two years ago, nobody in the country defended Josh Hart—arguably college basketball’s best player at the time—better than Bridges could during practice. That’s when some of his coaches realized they might have a first-round pick on their hands.)

If he's a complementary piece then he'll have to excel with duties that are both expected and nothing to be ashamed of, in a job that blends nicely with his subdued disposition. “I think Mikal’s development was shocking because he doesn’t have the personality of a guy that’s outwardly the most confident or swagged out, right? He just shows up and goes to work everyday. Works, puts his time in. Works, puts his time in,” Howard says. “Once Josh Hart left, Mikal just kind of said ‘OK, my turn’ and then took his game up another level.”

But the blueprint for something more is there. “I don’t know what ball player doesn’t want to have more responsibilities,” Bridges tells me. “As I get older and just keep working on my game, I’m just trying to be like Kawhi and Paul George. You know, they started off more catch-and-shoot, and then when they got bigger roles they’d start playmaking.”

That’s an exciting thought. Bridges snugly fits into the NBA’s present and future. He also may top out as a role player, which makes Phoenix's decision to give up all they did for that type of service a bit divisive. But what's done is done, and if they just added a decade of Wesley Matthews-esque service to their organization then that's indisputably a very good thing. If they somehow landed a budding All-Star, all the better.

Either way, Bridges should check off multiple boxes. Whether he ends up being more than what's currently advertised or exactly what most expect, the Suns may suddenly have the NBA’s premier young core because Bridges is the type of player who elevates teammates on both sides of the ball.

"You’ve just got to keep getting better and be that player they want you to be. Embrace that role," Bridges says. "I’m just trying to be the best basketball player I can be."

There's More to Mikal Bridges Than Meets the Eye published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 6 years

Text

There’s More to Mikal Bridges Than Meets the Eye

Bridges didn’t know the Philadelphia 76ers—a team in search of swift production at his own position and owned by a company that also employs his mother, Tyneeha Rivers, as Vice President of Human Resources—planned to take him with the tenth pick until they were on the clock. The moment Commissioner Adam Silver read his name from the Barclays Center podium, Rivers, who was seated to her son’s left, jumped from her seat, screamed, and shook a pair of jubilant fists over her head. Minutes later, she was interviewed on live television. This was a literal dream come true on multiple levels for everyone involved; from on-court fit to off-court familiarity, it was perfect.

“I’ve got a lot of confidence in myself, and I feel like every time I catch and shoot, it’s going in.”

Three years ago, he didn’t start once and averaged 6.4 points per game. Only 29.9 percent of his threes went in and his 14.5 usage rate was fourth-lowest on Villanova. Last year, he started every game, upped his scoring to 17.7 points per game and only trailed (Wooden Award winner) Jalen Brunson in usage rate.

In a day and age when having a fluid wing who can protect the rim, deflect a ton of passes, and credibly space the floor is at a premium, every NBA team wants Bridges’s attributes. Sitting in the stands at Las Vegas Summer League, one writer likened him to J.J. Redick…if J.J. Redick could guard three positions. Another wondered if he could be Corey Brewer with an outside shot. At worst, he may be a more consistent Robert Covington. “Uncompromising Otto Porter/Khris Middleton” is not impossible. Neither is him getting buried in Wesley Johnson Cemetery.

Most likely, though, a shot so accurate even when under duress—”He’s a really good shooter,” Howard says—mixed with the physical dimensions of a vicious help and individual defender (he’s 6’7” with Draymond Green’s wingspan) epitomizes what’s most valuable in a league that requires versatility from virtually anyone who wants to play more than 32 minutes a night. Less than a quarter of all players who saw the floor that often stood 6’10” or taller last season. (Two years ago, nobody in the country defended Josh Hart—arguably college basketball’s best player at the time—better than Bridges could during practice. That’s when some of his coaches realized they might have a first-round pick on their hands.)

If he’s a complementary piece then he’ll have to excel with duties that are both expected and nothing to be ashamed of, in a job that blends nicely with his subdued disposition. “I think Mikal’s development was shocking because he doesn’t have the personality of a guy that’s outwardly the most confident or swagged out, right? He just shows up and goes to work everyday. Works, puts his time in. Works, puts his time in,” Howard says. “Once Josh Hart left, Mikal just kind of said ‘OK, my turn’ and then took his game up another level.”

That’s an exciting thought. Bridges snugly fits into the NBA’s present and future. He also may top out as a role player, which makes Phoenix’s decision to give up all they did for that type of service a bit divisive. But what’s done is done, and if they just added a decade of Wesley Matthews-esque service to their organization then that’s indisputably a very good thing. If they somehow landed a budding All-Star, all the better.

Either way, Bridges should check off multiple boxes. Whether he ends up being more than what’s currently advertised or exactly what most expect, the Suns may suddenly have the NBA’s premier young core because Bridges is the type of player who elevates teammates on both sides of the ball.

“You’ve just got to keep getting better and be that player they want you to be. Embrace that role,” Bridges says. “I’m just trying to be the best basketball player I can be.”

There’s More to Mikal Bridges Than Meets the Eye syndicated from https://australiahoverboards.wordpress.com

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