#this is why i can’t enjoy true crime like this shit makes me soooo fucking disturbed i cannot stomach it

[guest-1-2-3]

something deeply unsettling and disturbing popped up while i was doing my happy kpop clip scrolling through instagram and now i feel all paranoid and disgusted so got that going for me

#i am so uncomfortable rn it’s not funny #like i am SCARED #which i suppose speaks on what excellent writing whoever wrote #uh this full meta alchemist thingy #listen i have read about mr tucker man on tumblr once just cause something was related and he popped up #and i was like. hm! that’s rlly fucked up! and forgot about it #but the clip just showed up of uhhh nina and the dog #poor fucking girl and her poor fucking dog i don’t know why this is so #earth shatteringly disturbing to me #but um. seeing that scene made me feel awful and now i’m kind of struggling to enjoy to rest of my day :p #this is why i can’t enjoy true crime like this shit makes me soooo fucking disturbed i cannot stomach it

[datleggy]

a list of every anime i love/recommend, accumulated over the last 10+ years

1. NATSUME YUUJINCHOU 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is a teenage boy named Natsume, whose parents died when he was too young to remember them properly. He’s passed around random relatives homes, but because he can see yokai (spirits), he’s ostracized by classmates and his foster families (ALL HIS CHILDHOOD FLASHBACKS ARE SO FUCKING SAD) and eventually very distant relatives (an older couple who never had kids of their own and have so much goddamn love to give D:!!!) take Natsume in, and the story basically starts from there. 

It’s a very heart-warming story following Natsume’s new life in this new town, accepting his ability to see yokai, forging new relationships in the form of friends and family, and even with the yokai themselves. 

This is honestly probably my favorite anime/manga period, because it’s so sad but so cathartic and you watch as the main character grows and learns to trust those around him, and finally gets the unconditional love he’s always deserved, not to MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY DO A WHOLE EP WHERE NATSUME IS TURNED BACK INTO A LITTLE KID AND IT IS SOOOO GOOD OMG

Plus for those of you who enjoy whump, this show has a decent amount of it. Mainly emotional whump, but also some episodes where Natsume is injured or sick--as well as I believe one where his companion (the chubby cat on his shoulder who’s actually a pretty badass yokai) gets shot with an arrow and is down for the count. 

10/10 would and have watched again. 

2. KODOCHA NO OMOCHA 

SUMMARY/REVIEW:  The main character is a sixth grader named Sana. She’s a gifted actress on a t.v. show everyone likes and she’s silly and fun, very intuitive and surprisingly empathetic for a child. 

Her main problem is in school, where Akito, who she deems the leader of her class’ wolf pack of rowdy rude boys, lets them terrorize not just the teacher, but all the girls in class, as well. 

I don’t really want to give a lot away, so I’ll just state the obvious. This anime/manga is shoujo, which means that it does focus on a romantic relationship throughout the series. Mainly the one between Sana and Akito. Sana is absolutely oblivious about her own feelings, while Akito is a stubborn little shit. 

I remember watching this at like, age 12 maybe? And I really enjoyed it because (although I do enjoy your typical silly doesn’t take itself too seriously slice of life shoujo) this particular anime, while super funny and light hearted at times, was also really dramatic and even kinda dark, which was surprising considering the characters ages and the general kid-friendly vibe (especially the opening for the anime). 

3. DETECTIVE CONAN

SUMMARY/REVIEW:  Our main character is initially Shinichi Kudo, teenage detective, who’s on a date with childhood sweetheart Ran (whose father also happens to a detective but like....not a good one lmao), when his nosy ass self decides to go and check out some shady business and gets “poisoned”. 

The poison he’s given is intended to kill him, but what it actually does is turn him back into a child. And now, as Conan Edogawa, (who’s 7 but like....we just supposed to believe all these cops and detectives on the force are cool with a seven year old wee lil babe on these really gruesome ass crime scenes??? lmaoooo) we follow him on his adventures as he solves crimes and tries to solve the biggest mystery of all, his own! 

I absolutely LOVE this anime/manga, even though I’ll be honest, there is SO MUCH FILLER, but I like the characters enough that I really don’t mind. The show is at least 900+ episodes in at this point, and there are a total of 26 movies so far, last time I checked. 

Also, the show is a whump fangirls’ dream come true. The main character is thrown out of windows, balconies, shot at, and in one occasion actually shot, he’s had broken bones, sprains, almost been blown up or drowned/burned, been sick, and oh, his occasional transformations from child to teenager are incredibly painful. 

This show is probably at fault for my love of whump, since it was one of my first animes at like, age 9. smh. 

4. THE DEVIL IS A PART-TIMER!

REVIEW:

I’m not even going to summarize this one. The title does it for me. This is truly one of the funniest animes I’ve ever seen. Motherfuckin Satan works at a McDonalds part time and it is the BEST. 

Technically I would count this show as a kind of harem, but only because there are like three main girl characters after the overlord Satan himself. I usually dislike harem type animes but the way this is done is sooooo good I couldn’t resist. 

I would watch a million filler episodes of Satan trying to solve problems at his minimum wage job tbh. I love every single character, I love the plot, I love everything about this anime! In terms of comedy (with the occasional plot driven serious moments) this is IT bro. 

5. BLACK BUTLER

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is Ciel Phantomhive (roughly 14 years old). His parents are killed, his house is burned to ashes, and he’s kidnapped (around age 9 or 10 I believe) and abused. During this abuse Ciel calls upon a demon to free him and help him get revenge on those who harmed the Phantomhive household, which is where Sebastian, one “hell of a good butler” comes in. 

We then follow Ciel and Sebastian on their path of vengeance, and along the way we meet Ciel’s human servants, three very clumsy and seemingly bad at their given tasks characters (i love them all), and some of his extended relatives and connections. 

My favorite thing about Black Butler is the art, both in the anime and manga. Everything is so detailed and pretty! 

The characters are interesting, the plot is dark but they manage to make most of the series overall pretty light-hearted and funny in general. Though of course there are chapters/parts of the series that get really grim (which duh, the whole thing focuses on revenge so...) 

I have to say, the arc I enjoyed the most has to be the movie, Black Butler: Book Of the Atlantic. It is beautifully drawn and sooooooo entertaining. 

6. INUYASHA 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

Our main characters are Inuyasha, a half-demon, who’s been in a sort of spiritually binding coma for the last few decades, and fourteen year old Kagome, who falls into an old well in her family’s shrine and finds herself being transported into another time period. 

Together, she and Inuyasha travel across the lands in the feudal era to find the scattered shards of the shikon jewel, a powerful jewel which grants anyone who possesses it ultimate power. 

I was too young to stay up and watch Inuyasha on adult swim, so my mom would tape the show on a VCR for me to watch the next day after school--yes, I’m old old. lmaoooo I ADORE this show. 

It’s so good! It’s got everything! A tortured lil half-demon with a sad past who’s stubborn and rude but got a good heart! A fierce and equally as stubborn main protagonist, who’s whole ass family knows exactly where she goes off to??? and are supportive af????? like???? her mama packs her and her squad of demon/exorcist/demon hunter pals bentos?!?! lmao i love it. 

The characters are awesome and funny and likable as all heck, and of course they all have their sad backstory, but like, unlike some animes (lookin at YOU Naruto) they don’t go mega overboard on it, at least not without some plot behind the episode. 

7. YU YU HAKUSHO 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

Before I even start in on the summary, ya’ll should watch this soley bc of the cute ass 90′s style animation alone. LOOK AT ALL THAT SHINY HAIR!

ANYWAY. Main character is teenage hooligan and overall cutie pie Yusuke! He gets struck by a car and fucking DIES in the first episode after shoving a little boy out of the way, only to end up in the spirit world where the head honcho up there (who looks like a wee baby) tells him “Oh shit, didn’t expect you to like, actually do anything self-sacrificing EVER so like, you’re not on our list of people who were supposed to die today...” 

And uh, I don’t wanna give anything away, so I’m just gonna say that if you haven’t seen this anime yet, you definitely should! It’s hilarious and dramatic, the fight scenes are very well done, all the side characters, who eventually become main characters are a blessing (specifically Hiei, who’ve I’ve had a crush on since I was 12) and the ending is a satisfying one, which you can’t really say for a lot of media. 

8. CHRONO CRUSADE 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

I still get weepy when I think of this anime, so all I’ll say is it’s about a badass demon slaying nurse and her demon companion and some very tragic shit. 

It’s a great anime overall, especially if you like crying yourself to sleep at night :) 

9. GHOST HUNT

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

The main character is high school student Mai, who is hired by Naru, the head of a Shibuya psychic research, and together, with a group of questionable exorcists/psychics, they encounter paranormal phenomenons and some outright scary shit. 

I’m not really a fan of the horror genre tbh but I do like mystery, and the series deals with that quite a bit. They deal with each case for several episodes so nothing feels too rushed. 

The series is really fun in a creepy, wtf is that way. I recommend the manga, only because it’s more detailed in terms of plot than the anime. 

10. ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM 

SUMMARY/REVIEW: 

I didn’t really make this list in any particular order but if I had to say, Assassination Classroom and Natsume Yuujinchou probably tie for BEST ANIME PERIOD! 

This anime is about a weird ass “alien” creature, no one knows where it came from or why tf it’s here on earth, all they know is that in one year it’s threatened to blow the world up. 

His only request to the government is that they let him become a teacher for Class E, the worst class of Kunugigaoka Junior High School, and he will stay put, so that they can attempt an assassination on him during this one year period. 

AND LISTEN! I am a shallow hoe, so I literally never would have read this manga or watched the series had I not been roaming Barnes and Noble one day with my S.O. and picked it up to read as a JOKE! 

I was hooked after the first chapter and I am soooooooo glad I picked this manga up, bc it is absolutely not the type I would normally go for, cover art wise. I finally, after many many years, learned not to judge a book by its cover bc LORD this anime is so goddamn good, you don’t understand! Like, I’ve watched it so many times and still laugh at the same parts, cry at the same parts, am proud af at the same parts! like, this anime is an instant classic and should definitely be more popular than it is. 

assassination classroom and natsume yuujinchou????? MASTERPIECES! 

#anime i can't imagine life without #natsume yuujinchou #assassination classroom #inuyasha #black butler #detective conan #whump #chrono crusade #ghost hunt #yu yu hakusho #the devil is a part-timer #kodocha #long post is long

[redhoodieone]

It’s Cold in Here Part 2

A/N: And here is part 2! Wow, this chapter is pretty angsty because I believe everyone would react differently to their significant other’s private sexual orientation. It’s pretty clear that Dick Grayson is finally letting himself be free (he’s clearly bisexual, if that wasn’t clear) even if it’s cheating on Y/N. But Jason Todd is straight in this story, despite the running gay jokes in this story. The reason why is Y/N (you lol) is clearly upset when she finds out her perfect boyfriend is bisexual, and she wants to take out her anger on Jason, when he’s clearly in her league. But of course, during this story, some people in this story are not going to be okay with Dick’s secret sexual orientation, so I’ll post more warnings as this goes along. Let me know if you want to be tagged for this series. Otherwise, enjoy the story!

@melaninkpops @randomdcfangirl

 Warnings: Language and talks of sex.

  It’s like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I’ve become almost like a zombie; I’m holding my knees to my chest while I sit up against the wall in my living room because I’ve lost the ability to move or say anything. Tonight’s truth just keeps replaying in my head.

My boyfriend Dick Grayson…having sex with another guy…even though he’s supposed to be my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is supposed to be attracted to me.

My boyfriend is supposed to be in love with me.

MY BOYFRIEND SHOULD ONLY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME!

Just the thought of Dick bending over for another guy for anal sex just makes me feel so disgusted. Because what if he has had anal sex with Wally or some other guy?

What if Dick has sucked cock before and let another guy suck his cock?

The images of Dick topping Wally only makes me wonder what else they have done. Would I even want to know? Should I have to know?

The questions become poison to my mind. I can feel my stomach hurt more with every passing doubt and fear. I tremble from just thinking of my boyfriend and what he’s doing now.

Cuddling? Kissing? Is he telling Wally West he loves him again?

Dick is supposed to be my prince charming. I’ve always (and secretly) imagined him riding a white horse to my apartment. As cheesy as that sounds, Dick has been the only guy who can pull off being so alluring and kind. He’s the guy who can make me smile during a thunderstorm. The way he pushes his dark hair back and grins like an underwear supermodel and the way he holds me all the time because he’s just a big cuddly guy at heart.

But then Dick changed…or maybe this is who he really is even though our relationship was just a...

Show.

But wasn’t I enough?

Was I just not beautiful enough for Dick?

Was I…just a girl who he realized he doesn’t want right now?

Oh shit…

What if he’s…gay?

No, no he can’t be totally gay. I mean, Dick has had several of girlfriends throughout his entire life.

Barbara Gordon.

Starfire.

Zatanna.

Dove.

He even flirted with Raven!

Bruce always joked around with us that Dick was a mini-me to him. Bruce and Dick were ladies’ men for fucks sake.

Which could explain why Tim would follow after Bruce and Dick’s every move and has had his fair share of relationships with Stephanie Brown and Cassie Sandsmark. Hell, even Damian has admitted he and Raven had a fling last summer.

If anyone is gay or bisexual, it must be Jason fucking Todd. The man who looks like he’d fuck any living thing. Which could explain why everyone jokes that Jason, Roy, and Kori had a threesome relationship.

It’s a fucking running gag that no one has seemed to stop, despite Roy and Kori becoming more serious and committed to one another over the years.

Why couldn’t Jason be gay or bisexual?

Why does my Dick Grayson have to be?

My fucking tears piss me off when I realize I’m crying like a fucking baby. I bite my bottom lip, and I pull my hair as tight as I could.

I haven’t been cheated on before but for some reason, I feel like being cheated on isn’t the problem.

The problem is clearly Dick, who felt the need to hide his true self. He obviously didn’t trust me enough, even though we knew each other for such a long fucking time. If he had told me he was bisexual, then maybe I would have been okay with it. Maybe I could have trusted him and be with him.

A knock on the door startles me. I wipe away my tears and stand up to get it. Slowly answering the door, I see Jason standing there. Wearing his dark pants and red hoodie, I set aside to allow him to come in.

“Are you okay, Y/N? What the fuck happened?” Jason asks worriedly. He follows me to the couch where I throw myself down.

Should I tell Jason? Should I tell him everything? What if he already knows? But what if he doesn’t know?

Jason’s ocean blue eyes stare down at me; filled with concern and worry. I’ve actually never seen him look so…serious about me. The way he gazes at me and how his strong jawline really is shows me I’ve never really looked at him before.

He’s attractive, and he clearly knows that. It’s as if one of Jason’s powers is self-confidence. He proudly shows off his handsome features, the ‘J’ scar, and his body that’s built like a sex God. I force myself to shake my head and ignore my inner thoughts because whether I like it or not, I still have a boyfriend.

Who has a secret boyfriend of his own.

“My life…is ruined,” I start off. I sigh, because even I don’t believe myself. “Everything I thought I knew…ended up being…a lie, I guess.”

“Which is…what?” Jason motions me to continue.

I begin to crack under pressure. It’s not like I have my parents or any siblings alive to tell, or my good friend Artemis Crock (who is supposedly on a vacation with Zatanna and M’gann in the Bahamas but should be back this weekend), so who the hell am I supposed to tell?

The more I keep it in is when I’ll blow up. I have a feeling I’ll take Jason’s guns and go shoot Dick and Wally’s kneecaps.

I turn to face Jason, and I realize he’s scooted closer to me. He slowly moves a hand to my knee and rubs it reassuringly. The tears fall again, but this time Jason wipes them with his thumb.

“He’s...Dick’s…sleeping with Wally,” I whisper. Just saying it out loud feels strange and as if it’s not real at all. “I-I went to his apartment and I saw them.”

Jason’s eyes widen. He quickly removes his hand off my knee and stands up. Within seconds, he’s pacing around my living room. Jason’s hands clench into fists and he scoffs. “So, he’s fucking gay, and he’s dating you? What a fucking idiot?! If he wanted to go around and fuck guys’ assholes, then why not tell you the truth and break up with you? Who the fuck does he think he is? The second any of us has a secret, Bruce fucking loses his shit and makes us tell him! But what, Dick’s the golden child and can keep a fucking secret about his gayness? That’s not fucking cool. I fucking despise that. I despise how he’s been stringing you along and isn’t even attracted to a fucking beautiful girl like you,” Jason growls under his breath.

“I-I think he’s still attracted to me. I mean, we’ve done things before…just not lately,” I defend Dick. I suppose Jason didn’t know about Dick either.

“Dick’s eaten you out before?”

“Yes.”

“You mean to tell me he’s eaten that beautiful, delicious pussy of yours?” Jason asks seriously.

“I-how would you know about my pussy, Jason? We’ve never slept together and you sure as hell have never seen me naked!” I cry out in pure anger.

Jason smirks. He sits back down and makes me face him. “So, Dick has pleasured you before and you really feel like he is still attracted to you? Okay, then he’s clearly bisexual. The question is: he’s barely acting on his sexual feelings or whatever fucking shit he’s doing. The thing is Y/N, he cheated on you. I don’t care that he’s bi, but he shouldn’t have fucking cheated on you. That’s low…even for the golden boy. Now, what are you going to do about it?” Jason asks me.

“I don’t know. I just…don’t want to think about it right now. What can I do? I can’t change him. I can’t make him straight and want…me. It just fucking hurts so much,” I confess. Jason sits back and pulls me over so he’s holding me tightly. “Jay…what are you doing?”

“Holding you…duh.”

“Y-you never hold me. You’ve never held me,” I point out.

“I’m comforting you, doll. Is that such a crime?” Jason asks curiously.

“Well, honestly I didn’t think you liked me. I always thought that you thought I was annoying and didn’t want me around the manor or even in the Batfamily,” I admit softly. I turn my face, so my face is in his sweater. He smells like Old Spice and some kind of expensive cologne.

“Well, I didn’t think you liked me either so…that’s why I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you,” Jason reveals before chuckling. “I like you. You…don’t piss me off as much as other people.”

“You don’t piss me off that much either. So, I obviously like you too,” I say, even when my voice is muffled.

Jason gently pulls me away so he can look at me. “You know, if you ever need someone…I’m around,” he tells me.

“I’m around too.”

My cell phone dings with new notifications. I quickly jump up from the couch and get it off the kitchen counter where I left it. Dick texted me.

Hey sweetheart! I just got back from patrol with my brothers. I’m soooo tired so I think I’ll sleep over here, and I’ll see you in the morning. Is that okay?

I scoff softly. He claims to be tired from patrolling, but I know it’s from fucking his secret boyfriend all night long. But obviously, he doesn’t know that I know so I have to play along.

Hi babe. That’s good! I’m glad you got home safely. Yeah, I’m already falling asleep, so I’ll see you in the morning too.

Okay, I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast. Oh, and don’t forget! The Wayne Family Barbecue is tomorrow, and everyone is coming back from their vacations and missions to go! It’s going to be so much fun! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, sweetheart.  I love you Y/N.

See you in the morning. I love you too. Goodnight. I text back. I fight the urge to out him on the phone just so he knows that I know.

I could just imagine Dick panicking and flipping the fuck out if I threaten to tell his family. But a voice inside me tells me not to.

It’s my fucking heart. I hate it so much right now.

I slam my phone down. Who the fuck does Dick think he is? Does he honestly sleep well at night knowing that he’s cheating on me with his best friend? Does he honestly not give a fuck about me?

“Why am I not enough? What...is wrong with me? Why can’t I be with Dick wants?” I barely whisper. My throat tightens from crying.

“No, Y/N. You’re more than enough. Nothing is wrong with you. You just...you need someone who sees you as their world and beyond. You’ll find him, I know it.”

Jason sneaks up behind me and rubs my back. I feel the sickness returning to my stomach, and I turn around into Jason’s arms, where he holds me and doesn’t judge me.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. If I-I had known, I would have told you. You don’t deserve this,” Jason whispers in my ear. He keeps rubbing my back. “I would never hurt you.”

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t hurt me in general, or that if you were gay or bi that you wouldn’t hurt me?” I ask.

“Well, I sure as hell am not gay or bi. I love women, doll. But I guess if I had a secret like that, I would tell you. I just…thought Dick would have been different, I guess.”

I pull away and look up at him. Jason’s taller than Dick, so I feel like a little ant compared to Jason, who is clearly a fucking tree. “Wait, Dick said the Wayne Family Barbecue is tomorrow? Everyone’s going?”

“Oh shit, really? I must have forgotten about that. Well, I guess everyone is going, yeah,” Jason answers, before his eyes widen. “Wally’s going to be there, too.”

I cover my face. “What the fuck am I going to do, Jason?” I scream.

“Look doll, I’ll be there too, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you get through it, okay? We just can’t tell anyone else about this, all right? Because honestly, I don’t know what Bruce would do if he found out about Dick and Wally. He might fucking kill him or something,” Jason says.

“Bruce is against gays? B-but there are gay, lesbians, and other LGBTQ people in the league. He can’t be homophobic!” I panic.

“I’m not saying he is, but Bruce is…a little more old-fashioned than what some people might think. Dick is like his first son, and Dick has always been the perfect fucking Robin, and Bruce might think Dick’s sexual orientation would change his public image and superhero image. I just think it would be best if no one found out about it right now, okay? Let’s just keep this between us, until we figure something out. Dick is my brother, and as much as I love fucking ruining his and my other brothers’ lives, this is pretty serious,” Jason advises seriously.

I nod my head in agreement. If Jason thinks this is the right thing to do, then it must be; since I have no other plans to handle this.

“Okay, I won’t tell anyone. But Jason? Just between us, I can’t be with Dick anymore. Not after he…cheated on me,” I confess.

It hurt a lot. Just confessing how I can’t be with Dick anymore fills me with nothing but endless pain.

“I know,” Jason says softly. He takes my hands in his until I look up into his eyes. “But just know this: I know for a fact that…Dick loved you. He really cared about you, Y/N. But whatever he’s going through, maybe it’s been eating at him for a long fucking time, not that doesn’t excuse cheating on you.”

I bite my bottom lip. I know Jason means well, but I honestly don’t know if I could believe any men ever again. All they seem to do is break hearts, lie, keep secrets, and use you just because they’re ashamed or hiding their own sexuality.

But deep down inside, I know Dick loved me before; just like deep down, I’ll always love him.

But I can’t deal with love anymore.

Fuck love.

“Yeah, but you know what, Jason? I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to date. I don’t want to be close to anyone. I don’t want to fall in love ever again. Love fucking hurts, and if this is how it’s going to be every time I fall for a guy, then…it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth the troubles. It’s not worth the happiness. It’s not worth the excruciating pain. Once Dick decides to stop using me and our relationship to hide his love for Wally,” I say, before I sob at the end. “I want nothing to do with the Batfamily ever again. I want out of it. I honestly never want to see him or any of you again. Because…being a part of the Batfamily was the best thing in my life…”

Jason’s crystal blue eyes tear up. “Y/N…you don’t mean that. Y-you can’t mean that…” he chokes out.

“I do. I mean every word of it,” I stand my ground.

“Doll, please…let me help you fix this. I-I don’t want you to leave our family. I mean, you can’t just abandon me,” Jason’s voice breaks down. He looks as if he’s in pain as well, except I don’t know why. “Give me one chance. Give me just one chance to show you no every fucking guy is going to hurt you. Please Y/N…”

I can’t hear it anymore. If I have to surrender for the night, then so be it. “Fine, but I’m tired and I need to go to sleep. I need to…try to forget about tonight.”

Jason nods his head and heads to the door with me behind him. He steps out and glances back at me.

“If you need me…” Jason whispers.

“You’re around,” I finish for him.

Jason opens his mouth to speak but closes it. He ends up leaving without another word. I shut the door and lock up for the night. My body is weak. My mind is fried. I find myself stumbling to the couch and I end up falling to sleep there for the night. The second my eyes close to fall into the darkness of the night, my cell phone dings again.

I reach over to the coffee table and get it; only to see the notification is from that same Unknown number. I slowly open to see the new text message.

It’s killing you, isn’t it? I can just imagine you lying down, feeling sorry for yourself, despising everyone else who may or may not have known, and how you feel as if your world is over. You must have decided to protect Dick Grayson, isn’t that right?

I feel as if I’m stepping into a pit of fire. This is becoming dangerous territory right now.

Whatever I do now doesn’t concern you. Thanks for telling me the truth, but I don’t need anymore help from you. Good-bye.

If you stop fucking responding to me, I’ll make sure Bruce Wayne finds out first, you little bitch!

I gasp at the screen. What the hell is going on?

Now that I got your depressive attention, maybe now you’ll see I’m not just going to disappear when you say so. Now listen to me, Y/N. I’m not someone who you can just delete from your phone. I’m not someone who you can block from other electronic devices. I’m not someone you can just wish away on a bright star, because I know you more than you know yourself. Now are you ready to listen to me?

What do you want from me? I text back anxiously.

What I want isn’t something you can just tell me over a text message, Y/N. Now, I need you to be prepared to go along as if nothing happened. You need to pretend you didn’t discover about Dick’s sexuality and infidelity. I need you to continue to be the loving and caring girlfriend, especially at the Wayne Family Barbecue. No one can know about tonight, and if you perform like a convincing Oscar award winning actress, then I’ll spare your life.

Why? Why are you doing this? What are you even planning?

That is not important information at this moment because it’s going to take a while before your knowledge of this plan is requested. I just need you to prove to Dick and his family that you love him with all your heart. Kiss him. Embrace him. Tell him you love him every three minutes. Why don’t you show everyone how you originally believed your relationship was in the beginning, Y/N?

I frown. My chest tightens. It’s as if this person knew everything that was going on in my head.

You clearly have a choice, Y/N: you either do as I say and nobody dies, or I’ll out him in my own way that will surely destroy Dick and the Batfamily’s lives. And let’s just say that the latter would be very public, and Dick would surely never be the same since he’s a…well you know…a perfectionist. He has a reputation he must keep up, and just imagine how everyone would react if any recorded evidence got out, including the one man who he calls Dad.

Okay, I’ll do it your way. I quickly text back. I hate myself even more now.

Even after you discovered he’s not who he says he is, how he rather be with a man than with you, and how he cheated on you, you’re honestly going to continue to stand by his side and protect him. That’s almost romantic, but he doesn’t love you anymore, Y/N.

I don’t care about me. Just please…don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt anyone. I respond desperately.

Oh, believe me, Y/N. My fun had just begun. Now, you need to put on a convincing show, because I’ll be watching.  

Whoever this person is, they’re clearly obsessed with putting an end to Dick’s life and reputation. I try to think of another way out of this, but I’m in too deep.

Just remember Y/N, if you plan on getting out of this, your new family will be gone before you know it. You’ll be all alone just like you fear, only when you are all alone, you’ll be dying on all their corpses. And I’ll personally make sure Dick’s skull is right beside your head.

And just like that, I’m thrown back into the Batfamily again.

#dc comics #batfamily #dick grayson #jason todd #jason todd x reader #dick grayson x reader

[sweetlysilent]

Shopping 101 with Peter.. (Headcanon)

Requested By: @lovelyttom

Hello! Hope you have a good day💞💞 can I request a Peter Parker x reader about going Christmas shopping??? And full of fluff?? Thank you so much 💓💓

Side Note: Soooo I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to write his as a headcanon bc it felt more natural for me??? I don’t know if that makes sense but I promise it’ll still be great :)) Anyways I hope you enjoy :))

also, this is the second time writing this bc fucking tumblr deleted the entire thing so yes, I’m hella salty rn lol,  BUT you know what they say, the second time is usually better than the first!

- SHOP TILL YA DROP, LEGGO

- you and Peter had planned on going Christmas shopping after school one day, it was a tradition you did each year

- however, you guys were always competitive of who could get the better gift for not only each other, but for their friends too

- “You’re so going down Parker, I’m going to win this year.” You held your head up high, a confident look on your face as Peter would snort in response.

- “In your dreams Y/N, I always get the best gifts, everyone knows it.” Peter would grin, adjusting his backpack straps on his shoulders.

- “Yeah, yeah, we’ll see.” You’d tease, shoving him slightly as he’d smirk in response.

- after about an hour, you’d both be off to the mall, ready to out do each other

- “Alright so you know the rules right?” Peter would question as you both entered the store.

- “Yes, one; we’re allowed to help each other because we don’t want to buy something that the other person wouldn’t like, two; we can’t steal the other persons idea on what they’re getting for someone already, it can be related but can’t be the same thing, and three; may the force be with you and good luck.” You’d answer, your arms crossed as you gave a slight smirk to Peter who gave you a thumbs up.

- AND THEN YOU WERE OFF

- you both spent hours in the stores, trying to find the best gifts possible

- “EXCUSE ME Y/N.” Peter would clear his throat loudly, making you look up at him.

- “Can I help you?” You would question, eyeing him carefully as he would glance down at what you were holding.

- “You have something that I want to get.” Peter stated, making you look down to see what you were holding.

- it was a stack of Star Wars comics you were planning on getting Ned for Christmas

- “hELL NO, I’m getting these for Ned!” You would reply, hugging the comics to your chest.

- Peter would obviously being huffing in annoyance, whining like a little kid in the middle of the store

- everyone would be looking at the two of you, thinking you guys were a cute little couple

- aw aw

- but it was legit all about Christmas shopping lmao

- “Y/NNNNNN pLEASEEEEE.”

- “NO PETER.”

- “WHY NOT.”

- “I’M FOLLOWING THE RULES, CORRECTION YOUR RULES.”

- “sHIT I’M MY OWN ENEMY.”

- you did however eventually give in and give him one of the comics

- you then both continued shopping, you had gotten Michelle a new sketch pad and pencils since she was into drawing

- while Peter got her some headphones for music

- you then both shopped for Liz

- “What should I get her? I clearly know nothing about girls Y/N.” Peter would question, looking around the store.

- you’d snort in response making him playfully glare at you

- it was true tho, Peter was clueless about girls, not only that but he’d get so nervous around them, besides you

- “I’m getting her makeup.” You’d reply shrugging, choosing out some different makeup products.

- “Get her a shirt or something.” You’d add, making Peter’s eyes light up, that was a great idea

- you obvi had to help him choose a top lol

- you then went to go pay for all the gifts, while Peter continued shopping

- HE WAS GETTING SOMETHING FOR TONY

- #DADGOALS

- sO while Peter was away you were able to get him his gift

- you got him a new sweat jacket and backpack bc that boy loses backpacks sooooooo fast

- he literally needs a new one every other week

- smh

- bUT Peter also was getting you a gift too, he decided on getting you a shirt and a new pair of shoes bc yours were so old

- he literally made fun of your shoes every time you saw him 

- “Y/N those shoes are so old they’re older than my grandma.” Peter would tease, making you roll your eyes and hit his arm.

- “Y/N your shoes look so old they look prehistoric.”

- “Y/N if you were to get new shoes those shoes would tell your current ones they’re outdated.”

- “Hey the 90s called, they want their shoes back.”

- LITERALLY ALL THE DAMN TIME HE’D MAKE FUN OF YOUR SHOES

- therefore, his perfect gift to you would be a new pair

- by the end of the day, you’d both had gotten all your Christmas gifts, saving tons of money because of sales, which is great btw

- but also rip your bank account lmao

- “I think we did great today.” You’d comment, walking out of the mall, bags in both of your hands.

- “I agree with you on that, it was actually a lot of fun.” Peter would reply, bags also in his hands as he walked beside you.

- one thing for sure was Peter looked forward to this moment each year, as did you

- #ChristmasShoppingGoals

You + Peter = Christmas Shopping Partner in Crime Goals

#peter parker #peter parker headcanon #peter parker headcanons #peter parker imagines #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #peter x reader #peter x you #tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #tom holland headcanon #spiderman: homecoming #spiderman homecoming #spider man homecoming #spiderman #spider man #zendaya #michelle jones #jacob batalon #ned leeds #laura harrier #liz allan #reblog #like #comment #chat #heart #love

[bamfcoyotetango]

Number 7, Chaleigh please. 😁

Oh gosh, this is so very late but the Muses ate the prompt and gave me this .

7. Fake Relationship AU

Hand In My Hand

Raleigh's in the middle of setting up the music for the piano when Hansen, their bartender for the night, cleared his throat behind Raleigh.

"You need help cutting the citrus?" He asked sympathetically.

All the bartenders hate citrus and Raleigh's pretty good with a knife.

The only problem was that Hansen didn't ask for help.

Like... Ever.

"Yeah, actually. I, err, I've been meanin' t' talk with you." Hansen relented, his broad shoulders slumping in a show of emotion Raleigh didn't expect.

"Oh?" Raleigh arranged the music and left the wide performance platform, careful to step over the wires the sound crew hid under the rich red carpet. "Any reason in particular?"

The other man handed over a knife, a cutting board and a bag of mixed citrus. "Look, I know I'm not... the most social."

Raleigh snorted at that, "No shit."

"Oi, fuck off yeah? I'm trying here." Hansen growled defensively before he sighed. "I've got a problem."

"... And you think I can fix it?" He countered dryly as he sliced the fruits into multi-colored discs. "I  know I'm the bar's handyman and all but uh, I normally don't fix people as a rule."

"Yes." The blunt honesty has Raleigh setting down his knife and turning to face Hansen. "Look, you're pretty enough that my Dad might be fooled inta thinkin' we're datin', alright? He knows I don't swing too often the other way and Mako's like my sister so I can't ask her an' the rest of the bartenders-"

Raleigh held up a hand and mulled it over, parsing out the basics of it in under two minutes. It wasn't exactly a secret that Raleigh appreciated multiple types of people. Hansen might've been a surly jerk but damn if he didn't fill out his bar polo shirt nicely. "You want me to date you... because your Dad is a hard ass?"

"Look, he's coming to visit in a few months an' he keeps a hairy eyeball on my social media, yeah? He knows when I'm not datin' and he gets all sad an' mopey like he didn't do a job 'n a half raising me. My old man wants to see me happy. So... are you in or what?" Hansen grumbled even as he rubbed at his nose.

Raleigh thought of his Maman, in remission, being overjoyed that her middle child finally found someone.

"I'll make you a deal," He allowed carefully, "if this is for your Dad, then it's also gotta be for my Maman. She's in remission and now she's tryin' to meddle in my love-life. You break her heart and I'll break your face. I'll pretend to date your ass for her sake if nothing else."

"What about...?"

Raleigh gritted his teeth and sucked in a calming breath. "Let's just say he's a bastard."

"... Oh. I guess we need to outline what's not okay to touch as a topic." Hansen pointed out.

"Yeah, might be a good idea." He admitted.

"For starters, don't ask about Mum and I won't ask about the rat bastard."

"Got it."

"By the way... M' name's Chuck." Chuck held out his hand and Raleigh shook it.

"Raleigh."

Chuck, for all of his asshole tendencies, was pretty decent with the whole dating thing.

Once Raleigh got past the scowl and the snark and the Alaskan-sized chip on his shoulder, that is.

He'd even bothered to ask Raleigh for his favorite flower (sunflowers) and had presented them with a scowl at the start of their next 'date'.

Somewhere along the way, dating Chuck had become less obligation and started to feel like... something Raleigh shouldn't enjoy as much as he did.

He shouldn't enjoy the under-the-breath quips that were so sarcastic that Raleigh actually cracked up laughing when he caught them.

He shouldn't sneak glances when Chuck closed his eyes and reveled in the wind coming off of the sea.

He shouldn't save a sunflower from each bouquet Chuck "remembered" to bring.

Raleigh spun a thick stem between his fingers and quietly admitted to himself that if he fell in love with Chuck, it might not be so bad.

It wasn't like the ginger bastard would ever return his feelings after all.

Raleigh was one of, it turned out, a lucky three people who had Chuck's phone number.

""So, Chuck hasn't called in and I have it on good authority that you're dating. I got the Kaidonovskies to cover his shift but could you do us all a huge favor and go check on him?"" Sergio asked. ""He's never done this before so I'm a little worried.""

"I'm on it, Serg. I'll let you know what's up, okay?" Raleigh hummed and then scrubbed a hand down his face as he texted Chuck.

  Raleigh: Where r u?

It took near five minutes for Chuck to respond, which was way longer than his usual five seconds.

  Chuck: m sick

  Chuck: don't come over

  Chuck: if I die u get my dog

He snorted, texting as he grabbed his jacket, his scarf and his washable surgical mask Mako had given him for his birthday.

  Raleigh: drama llama

Raleigh: Ur not gonna die

  Raleigh: I'm coming over

Chuck appeared to rouse at that.

  Chuck: NO

If Chuck thought he could out-stubborn Raleigh, he had another thing coming.

  Raleigh: YES

  Raleigh: I'm making you homemade soup

Raleigh: u giant wiener

Chuck didn't respond for several moments as if shocked that Raleigh would do something that nice.

Chuck: U need my address

  Chuck: Or did u expect to kno

  Chuck: where I live, u wanker

He did laugh at that, midway through testing a tomato with his fingers.

  Raleigh: I could ask Mako

  Raleigh: She'll provide the info

  Raleigh: with half the hassle that

  Raleigh: Ur giving me

  Raleigh: btw

  Raleigh: R u allergic to tomato?

His phone buzzed with the response as Raleigh finished grocery shopping.

  Chuck: no, not allergic to tomato

  Chuck: pick up some tissue

As though he sensed he was being a little rude, he followed it with another text.

  Chuck: ... pls?

Raleigh shook his head, flicked on his voice-to-text app and said, "Already on it period. Send."

Chuck sent the address and Raleigh pulled over into a gas station to input the address. He paused, contemplated labeling it 'U Grumpy Bastard' and then grinned at it occurred to him.

Chuck's address ended up as 'My Dumbass

An English bulldog sat in his way, Raleigh's arms aching as the grocery bags creaked.

"Uh, hi, pup. Could you do me a favor—"

"Max, get." Chuck rasped, poking his dog with his socked foot to let Raleigh into his apartment.

He toed off his boots out of habit and nudged them into a vaguely neat pile near the door.

Raleigh set all the bags down, found the trash can and the fridge and got to work.

By the time the tomato soup was bubbling on the stove, Chuck had been served eucalyptus tea, meds and tissues, in that order.

Raleigh absently texted Sergio as he watched his soup, keeping half an eye on a bemused and snuffling Chuck. He reigned in the urge to kiss the frown off of Chuck's face.

Chuck frowned and then wrote on the whiteboard Raleigh had brought from home.

'What? Do I have something in my face?'

"Nah. Just an old habit from when my sister was sick. She'd sneak off the couch and then get me sick cause she likes to cuddle when she's loopy on meds." He deflected as he poked at the soup.

The squeak of the marker was proceeded by Chuck gathering his blanket nest and sitting on the tall chair next to the counter.

'U have siblings?'

"Mm, two. Yancy's the oldest and Jazzy's the youngest. I'm the middle kiddo."

'Why tomato soup?'

"I'll have you know that Maman and my Mémé would skin me alive if I fed you anything else aside from this. It's supposed to be loaded with nutrients and good protein to help you get better." He countered with a raised brow.

'Meme??'

"French for Grandma. Maman is Mom." Raleigh explained. He pulled out the bacon, frowned and asked, "Where's your frying pan?"

'Under the stove.'

"... You don't cook, clearly, cause otherwise you'd know that that's the broiler, not a drawer. Also, these are really nice pans and it's a shame they don't get used more often." He talked mostly to himself but Chuck blew a raspberry from behind the covers. "It's true."

'Don't b rude. It's my space u know.'

"Supposed to be our space, remember? Shit, should I move in?" Raleigh asked and Chuck shook his head hard enough to negate that.

'NO.'

Chuck wrote quickly and then thrust it out as Raleigh patted the bacon to get the excess grease off.

'I'm already regretting asking u, alright? The last thing I need is to see u in ur undies. I bet u wear whities.'

"Hey! I wear boxer briefs, you jerk. Tightey-whities are soooo last season. Also, Jazz would murder me for that fashion crime. She's majoring in it and if I'm related to her, I'm gonna not cause her pain by dressing, and I quote, 'like a fisherman with no sense'. She's already tried to kill my sweaters, okay?" Raleigh grumbled as he dumped most of the bacon into the soup.

'Wait. Seriously?'

"Yeah, seriously."

'Ur jumpers r how I know it's u. No one else at the bar wears them like u do.' If Raleigh tilted it right, it might've been a compliment but Chuck didn't do those.

"Uhhhh, thanks, I think. Now, eat your soup and rest some more, alright?" Raleigh served up a decent bowl that would go down well with Chuck and reserved the rest of the soup in the pot, closing it with a lid. "Don't even think about ruining my soup by sticking it in the microwave. Heat it up on the stove on low." He looked at Max. "Do I need to take Max for a poop?"

'Probably. His lead's in the hall.'

Raleigh grabbed the red leash and Max was suddenly at his feet, butt wagging furiously.

He barely had room to tug on his boots.

"I'll be back! Finish that soup, Chuck!" The door closed with a clunk behind him. He laughed when Max tugged him down the street, barely giving him time to shrug on his jacket and wrap his scarf up the right way.

"Is that Max I hear?" Max boofed and somehow his butt wiggled even harder. "It is~" An older woman was sitting on the porch, her hands cradling a warm drink with a blanket in her lap. "Oh! You're not Chuck!"

"Ahh, no. He's sick," Raleigh mentioned with a shrug, his muscles straining as Max tugged on the leash in this woman's direction. "Max, pas maintenant*." He chided.

"You must be that friend of his."

"... Umm," Raleigh's face heated up as he thought about Chuck, who was probably miserably eating his soup and scrubbed at the back of his neck.

"Oh, I see. How long?" Her confidential tone made Raleigh want to combust from embarassment.

"Coupla months," he choked out, "Gotta go, ma'am, Max is, umm..."

"Go on. Chuck's got himself a keeper! You tell him Mrs. Gage said so, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Raleigh agreed as Max tugged on the leash again.

"Chuck, I swear to God that you've got the nosiest neighbors—" Raleigh froze at the sight of a man who could only be Chuck's Dad.

He let Max off the leash on autopilot after he closed the door, hanging it up like he'd seen it earlier. Raleigh kicked off his boots again and set them against the foyer frame, this time a great deal neater than they'd been before.

"You must be Raleigh," the man said as though he hadn't thrown their whole plan out of wack. "I'm Herc."

"Pleasure to meet you, sir." He let his manners take over, a smile on his face as he shook the offered hand. "Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?"

'Dad doesn't do tea.' When the whiteboard popped up from the couch, it seemed Chuck had retreated back with his blanket nest.

"Mm, coffee then?" Raleigh hummed as Herc looked between them. "Milk? Creamer?"

"Creamer, if you don't mind."

He busied himself preparing two cups of coffee and then dug into the supplies he'd organized on the counter, muttering to himself in Korean as he read the instructions for the citron tea he'd brought over.

"Coffee 'n creamer for us, tea for Chuck. Don't make that face. It's gonna feel nice and it's yuzu, vaguely lemony with honey." He sat next to Chuck, reaching to adjust the blankets and handing over the tea.

'Ur gonna get sick.'

"Mmm, yeah, probably. Do I look like I mind?" Raleigh pointed out as he gently pecked Chuck on the lips. Chuck grumbled wordlessly but snuggled closer as he drank his tea. He made a noise of surprise at the taste and looked at Raleigh with a wordless question. "So-Yi suggested it when I dropped by the bar. Y'know, half of them thought you got in a fight or dropped off the face of the planet. Being sick never even occurred to them."

'Liar.'

"No, that's what you get when literally three people have your number, you dumbass." He bickered back, looking up when a muffled laugh brought him back to their current situation.

Right.

Chuck's Dad.

"Y'know, I almost didn't believe my son when he said he was dating someone. He works hard and doesn't remember to leave time for himself but I can see he's in good hands with you." The pride Herc had for his son was clear in nearly every word he spoke.

"Yeah, well I could've said the same a while back. Chuck's sweet under like, fifteen layers of asshole, but you gotta have enough patience for the layers." Raleigh ribbed Chuck gently, letting himself touch instead of shying away from Chuck. They had to make this convincing—At least that was how he justified it to himself. "Mmm, you've got a fever." He told Chuck as he brushed the damp ginger hair away from Chuck's forehead.

'No shit, u wanker. What r u doing?'

Raleigh leaned in close and whispered his answer, "I'm being your boyfriend, hell practically the perfect one. The least your dumbass could do is play along, right?"

Chuck huffed at that and leaned into the casual touch. 'whatever. R we still doing that ice thing?'

"Like I'm gonna miss the chance to see you fall on your ass?" Raleigh teased. "We'll just have to reschedule for when you're better."

"I'll leave you two to be cutesy." Herc chuckled and Raleigh nearly face palmed.

They were totally—"Oh God, I'm the worst host-"

'Sorry Dad.'

"Don't be sorry. You two remind me of a better time." Herc only smiled at them and let himself out, nudging Max away from the door with his foot out of years of practice.

Raleigh practically turned the air blue with French curses before he sighed. "At least your Dad's convinced?"

"Why'd you kiss me?" Chuck's voice, as raspy as it was, caught his attention immediately.

"We're supposed to be dating. If I really was your boyfriend, I wouldn't let a cold keep me from kissing you. You were just so adorably grumpy," Raleigh replied before he caught what came out of his mouth. "I-I mean, I've gone and done it with my other relationships, y'know, so I thought you wouldn't mind—"

"Raleigh." Chuck's gaze cut off his voice faster than anything else. "Did you call me adorably grumpy?"

"No," he denied it quickly, valiantly trying to ignore how his face felt like it was on fire.

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Raleigh, I-"

"I think I might be in love with you." He blurted and then slapped both of his hands over his mouth in shock.

Oh he was so screwed; Chuck was going to break off their agreement, break up with him even though they weren't really dating and why did that thought hurt so much?

Raleigh made to stand, one foot planted on the floor when Chuck's hand shot out and grabbed the front of his sweater.

"I thought it was hopeless," Chuck coughed before he continued hoarsely. "that there was no way in a million years that sunshine personified would ever like me enough, but you said... You said you're in love with me."

Huh. Weren't they a match made in heaven; oblivious as hell until one of them confessed.

Raleigh settled back into the blankets and whispered, "'Sunshine personified'? Really?"

"Don't you start, Rahleigh."

"Well, since we're actually dating, there is a way to shut me up."

He was going to regret it later, he knew, but the feel of Chuck's tongue in his mouth over-rode the resignation of being sick right along with his boyfriend.

Mako only laughed when Raleigh whined about being sick.

[aaronbleyaert]

Bley, as a guy who has been on a couple of dating sites, what do you look for? I find myself not have traction and I'm wondering if it's just me, my job(strong woman in a job that normally male dominated) , or is dating online just not for me?

I get on and off them like some sort of lunar cycle. Right now I’m back on. It’s a nightmare. It’s depressing. It’s the worst. And it’s also, no surprise, horribly addicting. 

But maybe you’re right: Maybe it’s not for you. It’s certainly not for everybody.

I dunno, dude. What attracts me to people on the apps? Sometimes it’s looks, sometimes it’s a funny costume, sometimes it’s a witty written bio. Sometimes it’s just that they’re from the Midwest or went to the same school as me. 

I’ll tell you what gets me most excited, though: Someone who’s DIFFERENT.

Someone who has written witty things on their profile is like a fucking breath of fresh air. And if they look like an actual fun human being? Pssssssh. I can’t swipe right hard enough.

Granted, LA is full of douches - both men (including myself) and women - so the app game out here is probably pretty different than wherever you are. But here are some things I see a LOT that I am really sick of seeing - and by the way, I have TERRIBLE luck at this stuff, and have been single for like the past 4 years, so take all of this stuff with a huge grain of salt. I am not, in any way, god’s gift to 1.) dating, 2.) women, or 3.) any dating app. 

That said, here’s shit that gets an immediate left swipe from me:

Stuff in bios:

“I’m a unicorn”

“I’m looking for a partner in crime”

“Haters to the left”

“I just love to travel” (or they exhaustively list everywhere they’ve been)

“I love wine/pizza/the outdoors/the beach/going on adventures/any other obvious shit that everyone loves”

“People tell me that everybody lies on here, so… I invented post-it notes”

“I can drink/eat/do X more than you/better than you” (Congratulations?)

“I just swiped you for your dog” (You want to have sex with my dog?)

“I enjoy every day to the fullest” 

If the bio is all emojis

If the bio is just a quote (that isn’t some sort of joke)

If there’s no bio at all (only boring people have nothing to say, kids)

If they are really into religion (I don’t hate on people who are religious in any way, I’m just not a religious guy so I swipe left because I would only disappoint them)

Special Mention: If there is any paraphrasing or permutation of the Marilyn quote “If you can’t handle me at my worst you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”, I not only swipe left as fast and hard as possible but also make a silent wish for you to get caught in a fire.

And oh my god - everyone’s photos are the fucking same. EVERYONE’S. It’s the worst. Here’s a bunch of photo shit I swipe left on:

If the profile has MORE THAN ONE photo of: 

A headshot, a headstand, any kind of yoga (unless they’re a yoga teacher), a gym photo, a photo at Burning Man, a photo performing onstage, a photo at a wedding, a photo of them on a red carpet, or more than one photo of them doing something “crazy” (I don’t need to see that you went skydiving, went snowboarding, went surfing, AND went to a lion preserve all in one fucking profile. Just pick your favorite photo of something cool and leave the rest for drinks.)

Any photo of them with a celebrity

Any photo with an award (that isn’t some sort of joke)

If they are LAUGHING SO HARD IN ALL THEIR PHOTOS OMG U GUYS LOOK HOW MUCH I LOVE TO LAUGH HA HA HA I DO IT WITH MY WHOLE MOUTH WIDE OPEN LIKE SOME SORT OF FUCKING HUMAN/SHARK HYBRID 

A photo of someone in great shape eating a piece of pizza/a donut/some ice cream proving that they’re “just a regular person who eats pizza/donuts/ice cream so don’t worry I’m soooo normal hahaha!” 

If all the photos are from the same angle (this tells me that you are 100% either a murderer or are very possibly hiding a horrible Two-Face style facial burn which isn’t even a dealbreaker for me so you might as well show it off)

If the first photo is more than one person, or - and this happens all the time - if every photo is a group photo?! I shouldn’t have to cross reference your photos CSI style to find out who you are.

Also, and this is specific to LA, but anyone who has a photo in front of the Angel City Brewery Wings or the LACMA streetlights…. That’s a left swipe. (Which is basically one in three LA photos.)

And one last thing: When we match and she sends me naked pics BEFORE WE EVEN MEET, I am out. That’s an unmatch. Don’t do that. You might think it’s cool… It’s not cool. Guys also do not like getting whatever the female equivalent to a dick pic is. (A flap pic?)

***

Now look: I know that this post makes me come off as an asshole. And you’re right: I am an asshole. A sad, lonely, forever single, asshole. If you ever see my profile on a dating app, you’ll have a good laugh; My shit is terrible. It’s awkward. Cringe inducing. Sad. And so many other adjectives that all equate to me dying alone.

But regardless, do me a favor and don’t do any of the above things. Okay? Just don’t. Please. Be different! There’s no need to try so hard to get matches - the whole point of dating apps is to find someone to date, right? So your profile should represent the real you. The true you. Not who the rest of the herd is, or someone who you think you should be. What’s the point of trying to be somebody else? If you end up dating someone, your partner will find out who you are anyway, and the jig will be up. The reason why I hate everything on the above lists is because it always feels like those are people who are trying to be like everyone else - or worse, people who feel like they need to pretend to be to get guys to like them. Maybe I’m off base here, but that’s just how it comes off to me.

Put your best foot forward, sure - but also realize that (at least for me), the weird & interesting stuff about you is also what’s most attractive. The flaws are what make the diamond unique. So be yourself. Always. And don’t be afraid to let whatever dating profile you make reflect that. 

(Unless you’re me, of course… Because “being myself” never turns out well). 

#Dating #Dating apps #Tinder #Bumble #Advice #I Am The Worst #Forever Alone

[head-and-heart]

4x04 Personal Highlights

So I know that there has been a lot of negativity surrounding this past episode, but I would like to point out that it was far from being all bad and I would say it was a hell of a lot better than episode four from LAST season (aka. my least favourite episode of this show, ever) there was actually some good shit buried in this episode that I would like to address.

Never too much positivity, right fam?

Okay, I’ll get to it.

1. “Bellamy should be back by now.”

I mean, it’s self-explanatory. Even the C/exa queen is writing us some Bellarke shit .. hmm, I wonder why? Maybe cause she has to? Maybe cause Bellarke is becoming canon? Huh, weird.

2. Monty being a total babe and trying to comfort Clarke

It only serves to make the absence of his name on The List that much more painful, but I love seeing Monty trying to cheer Clarke up. He’s such a beacon of light. @the-ships-to-rule-them-all and @abazethe100 talked on their podcast about how its not just Monty’s brain and skills that make him invaluable, but who he is at his core - a source of optimism and support. He holds people together. I thought it was worth mentioning because @theskyboxpodcast is always good, but I especially loved that bit.

3. Devon’s acting

The writers truly could not have picked a better actor to play Jasper. He kills it, over and over and over again. Devon is the perfect mix of humour and tragedy that makes Jasper so heartbreaking and unique. He brings life to this character in a way that few actors could. That scene in the rain perfectly demonstrates this.

(UNRELATED: I’d love to see how Jaha was managing out on that lake when he heard about the acid fog. The possibilities are never-endingly humourous.)

4. Kane calling out Octavia

This scene was soooo validating because its the first time that Octavia’s actions have TRULY been called out. And it wasn’t just a brief call-out, it was an entire lengthy scene dedicated to why Octavia’s actions are NOT being supported by the narrative and are NOT right or honourable. 

“A warrior knows when not to kill. Lincoln taught you that. You seem to have forgotten.”

FINALLY RECOGNITION THAT A WOMEN WITH A SWORD IS NOT ALWAYS BADASS AND EMPOWERING. IT TAKES MORE THAN THAT. IT TAKES HONOUR

And to those of you who were screaming about Octavia never dealing with the consequences of her actions after ... what? 4x02? YOU COULDN’T WAIT TWO EPISODES??? WHY DO YOU JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS WHY DO YOU TORTURE YOURSELVES? Short rant concluded. This was a top-knotch scene. 

5. LUNA

She is so gorgeous and her voice is so soothing. She makes every episode better just be existing.

6. THE ISLAND IS SO COOL

I’M SO GLAD THAT ALIE’S MANSION IS NOT THE ONLY THING WE GET TO SEE OF THIS ISLAND. THE WHOLE INTRIGUE SURROUNDING BECCA AND HER LAB AND THE DRONES AND THE “MUTANT LINE” AND THE MYSTERIOUS THINGS THAT ALIE’S SECURITY IS “PROTECTING” THEM FROM IS SO INTERESTING AND ITS SO DIFFERENT FROM ANYTHING THIS SHOW HAS DONE BEFORE AND BOY AM I EXCITED TO FIND OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS STORYLINE. AND ALSO I, AND A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE, TOTALLY PREDICTED THAT THEY WERE HEADED BACK TO ALIE’S ISLAND TO FIND A LAB OF SOME SORT BACK IN THE HIATUS SO GOOD-WORK TEAM. NOTHING GETS PAST THIS FANDOM, I SWEAR.

7. Jackson being a total babe and helping out Raven this episode/showing compassion and concern

So I’ve seen people shipping it and I am ... oddly, not opposed??? I mean, he’s sweet and that banter was nice and he’s a doctor which means he’s probs smart and also can help her out with her pain (kinda) and it will never happen but I CAN DREAM OKAY? 

Also, Jackson is Jackson’s only name. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. You will never hear me referring to Jackson by any other name. #dealwithit

8. “Save us all” sounds like “keep us all clean” in Trigadesleng because apparently Grounders know their priorities

I guess this explains why L.exa had that deep conditioned shit last season while Clarke was progressing through her slow but steady evolution into a dirty mop

9. “I’ve never met a line I wouldn’t cross.”

Richard you get the best lines. And you slay them every time.

10. MURPHY AND RAVEN’S DYMAMIC

I’M SO EXCITED. Lindsey and Richard are both a thrill to watch and they’re both so sassy and their history is just ... WOW. They haven’t had many scenes together ever since that KILLER scene in the dropship where we learned Murphy’s backstory which is a total crime because THEIR CHEMISTRY SERIOUSLY FLIES THROUGH THE ROOF.

I do think Murphy was trying to get on Raven’s good side when he grabbed her and helped her to safety and it was definitely for his personal motives, but I do also believe that a large part of him wanted to do it as an attempt to make up for fucking up her life so bad as well. It’s such an interesting dynamic to watch.

Just want to clarify that I don’t ship it because ... y’all he literally shot her and paralyzed her why do you do this?? But I definitely want to see more of them on my TV screen

11. Dad!Kane cupping his son’s face

Need I say more?

12. “Warriors don’t reveal their secrets.”

AND ECHO LOOKS AT BELLAMY BECAUSE HE DIDN’T CAVE AND REVEAL THEIR SECRETS BECAUSE MY BOY IS SO STRONG 

13. Ice Nation is SO much more interesting than Trikru

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE

14. “Remember that time we welded your dad’s furniture to the ceiling? Now THAT was a prank.”

I WOULD SAY SO MONTY LMAO THIS IS SO EXTRA AND I LOVE IT

CLASSIC JONTY I CAN CLEARLY ENVISION THEM DOING THIS

15. “You’re not God, Clarke. You don’t get to decide who lives and dies.”

Hmm ... that’s an interesting line. Almost like it might be ... I don’t know ... A major theme of the show or something?

Also A++ delivery Devon. Kudos.

16. This show is SO GOOD with moral dilemmas

They truly do bring their A-Game every season. The List is just one example of these so-called moral dilemmas. There truly is no right choice. Clarke was pragmatic, everything she did made SENSE. But was it moral? Was it humane? That’s another story, and it’s one these writers are not afraid to tell.

17. Monty and Clarke’s interactions are all so on point

“You’re the one going too far and using the same old justification: it’s all for my people.”

ANOTHER MAJOR THEME ALERT

Monty is spilling the tea this episode and while I understand Clarke’s mindset and sympathize with her for dealing with the pressure on her shoulders, everything that Monty said in this scene was absolutely 100% true, and it’s going to come into play in Clarke’s character arc this season, I am sure.

18. Raven’s struggle with her leg is so real

Kim perfectly captured the struggles that Raven has to deal with and how her leg, while limits her physical ability, certainly does not limit her determination, her skill, and her brain. 

19. “What if the fight is all we are? We torture, kill, betray. We pretend we’re more than that just to make ourselves feel better, but it’s a lie.”

I love this line so much. This episode encapsulates so many themes and big ideas of the show (and it grapples with morality in hugeeeee ways) and I’m loving it.

20. “You’re not a prisoner, Luna. You have a choice.”

Raven putting her gun down and saying this to Luna is SO important, especially when you think about how Clarke tried to force the flame on her in 3x14. Free will was a major theme last year and I’m glad to see it paying off now.

21. Jaha swooping in and stealing that crowd

Listen. I know that there are many conflicted opinions on Jaha and I know that lot of people hate him. But I have never been more intrigued. His story this season is sooo interesting. I have no idea what to expect from him. I feel as though he is so disconnected from the other characters at this point in the narrative that he’s a complete wild card. Do I trust him or not? Should I? What are his motives? What knowledge does he have that the other characters don’t?

He’s so fascinating to me in that he is completely unpredictable. His story this season could break off in just about any direction. 

This scene was really fun to watch. Clearly, Jaha’s years of being a Chancellor comes in handy with a crowd. He knows what to do, what to say, to sway them. It reminds me of Bellamy, in a way, actually. Say what you will about Jaha, but he has a way with words and he knows how to inspire people. I can’t wait to see how this goes. 

(I totally think that lottery is bullshit and I think that Jaha realizes this, but he’s manipulating the crowd. We’ll see how this blows up in our faces later.)

“The people need to feel like they have a say in their fate.”

Another interesting line that I enjoyed. Just wanted to point it out.

22. “It’s the only choice you gave yourself. If you think you have the best idea, you have to convince people, not lie to them. Or lock them up.”

So choices and free will and truth and morality are all big focusses of this episode. People seem to overlook how much great thematic stuff is in 4x04 but there’s a lot and it’s great.

23. Becca’s lab is bomb AF

24. BOB MORLEY DESERVES A FUCKING EMMY PLEASE AND THANK YOU

25. “Take me home.” 

BECAUSE EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME ARKADIA AND THE SKY PEOPLE ARE STILL OCTAVIA’S HOME BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE BELLAMY IS (or so she thinks) AND HELLO YES I’M STILL EMO

#I ENJOYED THIS EPISODE A LOT MORE ON MY REWATCH #SO I'M GONNA BE ALL CAPS ABOUT IT #the 100 #the 100 season 4 #the 100 4x04 #posts by moi