#this came to me as my class was ending

[love-cult-enthusiast]

How tall are you in yellow guy terms

#this came to me as my class was ending #funni #shitpost #dhmis #don’t hug me i’m scared #don’t hug me I’m shitposting #dhmis shitpost #Coffinz inzane hourz of inzanity!!!

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.

or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.

regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.

it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.

if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.

i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.

#knitting #catkin knits #i remember one specific time back in october where i was sitting in Bible class utterly unable to stop the most horrible thoughts going #through my head. i was knitting as fast as i've ever knitted. no exaggeration to say i was knitting to stop myself from attempting to die. #and afterwards i sat there in the corner knitting for all i was worth. just repeating to myself 'not now. i am not killing myself now.' #and someone saw me in the corner frantically knitting and came to ask if i was ok. and asked how my mental health was. #must've been end of oct bc it was the first wednesday after i was out of psych ward. and i was having lots of thoughts about the method #i'd used for what is still my most recent suicide attempt. which was in october. and i had the means with me. #it would have been a horrible thing to do. to kill oneself at Bible class. with children around. but i wasn't in a particularly hinged stat #of mind at the time. that's approximately the only clear memory i have of that time in fact. #anyway idk why im thinking of that rn when im fine

[sasukeless]

the complete damage fandoms have done to the word hyperfixation

#remember when i was talking in this group and the topic of hyperfixation came up and i was like Yeah one hyperfixation of mine was so bad #i ended up skipping an entire of classes because my mind simply wouldn’t focus in smth that wasnt that thing #and some ppl in the gc were so confused and told me that wasn’t an hyperfixation but smth worse tjat i should check #and i just realized #then and there that when they spoke of hyperfixation they just meant liking a random piece of media and talking about it at random times #unprompted #like. lol #mine

[sbd-laytall]

Warrior Nun | 2.08 | "Jeremiah 29:13"

X-Men: First Class (2011)

#I know this parallel might be a reach but hear me out here #both ships have them feeling so alone and after meeting each other they end up growing closer and closer #until these scenes where they're separated (Ava needing to go into the other realm to survive and Cherik by their ideological differences) #also like #Bea and Erik first came off as cold reserved people but end up showing their compassionate sides #and Ava and Charles start off as sort of naive yet kind people but they end up as true leaders #also Ava used to be quadriplegic and Charles ends up paralyzed and wheelchair-bound #but they do have their contrasts #Beatrice always helps Ava up whenever she falls and catches her #whereas Erik tends to be the one to cause Charles to fall (referring to Erik accidentally causing his paralysis) #and honestly Avatrice is really healthy while Cherik is well kind of not #anyway I digress #avatrice #ava silva #sister beatrice #warrior nun #cherik #charles xavier #professor x #erik lehnsherr #magneto #x men #x men first class #x men movies #gifs are mine #my post

[theflyingfeeling]

...😭

#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one #the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all #i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today #as i was absolutely useless today #and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭 #a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭 #and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional) #i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again #i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again #i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it #i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn #and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now #also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely #and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends #for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations #on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed #i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely #please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby

[sleepyseals]

[Image Description: A digital painting depicting Feldspar standing to the right of a campfire, facing away from the viewer and upwards. They are holding an arm outstretched above them and the other gesticulates as if they were telling a story. Several fireflies surround them and their shadow falls to their right. Wreathed in the smoke of the campfire is a scene of their campsite in Dark Bramble. Three large twisting brambles, the anglerfish fossil’s teeth, and three pine trees are suspended upside down, stretching downwards toward Feldspar and the campfire. A plume of stylized curling smoke stretches across the top of the scene from Feldspar’s ship in the top right corner. The ship is sparking with electrical failure. End Image Description.]

my piece for the @travelers-encore-zine !!!  I think this came out a bit more conceptual than I wanted but I still like it!

Thank you to the mods for making this happen, putting everything together and being an amazing support team!!! Thank you to my fellow contributors for being so lovely and making such amazing things and sharing this project with me, I'm really happy I got to be a part of it!!

#I'm so late to posting this omg sorry!! I got stressed abt writing the caption bc its hard getting the words out of my brain sometimes #but its already been a few days since the zine came out I can't believe it #expect some sort of process video or post for this maybe!! as soon as I figure out how I want to do that haha #idk I put a lot of work into this that I don't want to leave unseen but I don't know how I would even go about formatting smth like that #I dont know how to feel abt this piece lol I definitely got very tired of looking at it by the end but I think I'm still happy with it #there's so much going on for me atm but I'm happy! I'm so happy I have things to be passionate about #crazy how life is messy as ever but so much more manageable when you have something you care a lot about #videos game. <3 <3 <3 #I’m interested to hear people’s thoughts on what this means like symbolically ::] #both lonely and claustrophobic #Stories are the basis of so much in game but give feldspar room to breathe god damn it #I have to go to class and stop rambling in the tags now #outer wilds #feldspar #dark bramble #my art #outer wilds spoilers #ow spoilers #how did i forget spoiler tags... smh my head XD

[evilkaeya]

Me reading through your posts at 2:18 AM for that one time you were really really on and talking about Chuuya (let's be honest, for the unspecified amount of time I've followed you that's happened more than once coughcough) (I say this positively, very positively, do continue whatever it is you do) a while ago because I wanted to send an ask to tell you about how almost every time I hop on here I see you post recently and it's either about Chuuya or the second option or something that leads me to believe you're the type of person to accidentally blow up your microwave at 3:00 AM cause you didn't remove some tin foil packaging or didn't put the water in your instant ramen noodles and it brings the biggest smile to my face for reasons I don't know how to explain with words so here, you can have my emotional soup but anyway I was doing that in the beginning and the site couldn't take the absolute power radiating from one of your posts and so it crashed on my phone three times in the span of three minutes so now I'm here

That's crazy. Have I told you guys about that one time our vice principal chased me around the school because I was skipping classes?

#i outran her tho #pretty sure she prayed for my downfall bcz I used to end up in her office at least once a month #reasons usually being: skipping classes. skipping school. taking a nap in infirmary for no reason. #one time my mom came to pick me up and she couldn't find me anywhere and almost had a breakdown thinking i went missing #i was at my friend's house. her brother was showing me his spiderman merch. #school used to be wild #sai answers

[yurinullification]

.

#i love all of you #so fucking much #but god this blog feels lonely sometimes. and like i know it's my fault but that doesn't exactly make it better #my dilemma is that i need to talk with people #just. be in contact #in order to function #but actually talking with people is extremely stressful no matter what i do #and i just feel bad for all the people that have talked with me #only for me to end up completely ghosting them #but i don't know how to change and it feels like it's slowly corroding me from the inside #i had friends in primary school. kinda #barely #then i entered high school #first year pre pandemic i had a group that for whatever reason latched onto me as one of them? #but then we moved to online classes #and when that stopped and we all came back i was completely alone again #then i moved to a school focusing on autistics in 2nd and it was like 5 people in my class #none of us ever talked to each other #i just wish I'd had literally any real friends over the past 4 years so I'd actually know how to act. and get used to people #maybe i should just accept that I'll never be able to interact normally with people #even other people w autism clearly #and try to live with that? #but I'm gonna be honest i don't know if i can #so what the hell do i even do #i don't want to be coddled #i don't want to be pitied #i don't want to reach out #which leaves rotting as the only option

[asterdeer]

not to be like “i miss college” even though i do but mostly i think i miss being smart. before depression and life events had chewed up and partially swallowed my brain. just getting to problem solve and think, being Very Into something as the norm. i know being an english major is basically the easiest thing you can be at the undergrad level but i do feel like that was the one and only time in my life where my natural state was actually a pro instead of a con. i graduated with the highest honors and absolutely no one cared but i cared

#aster chat #family life exploding exactly one (1) month from graduation is still just. it. god. it was almost seven years ago and it still hurts #SO much. i had worked so hard to graduate with the honors i did #i took a 400 level history class in my 2nd semester with one of the hardest humanities profs and i got a B #i basically lived in a break room for a whole semester because my misophonia was so bad with my roommate at night #i stashed pillows and blankets behind a couch and slept there to stay sane enough to write my papers #i got so close to Ending Things three times and DIDN'T #my professors LOVED ME #and then graduation came and it was just. over. #went right back home to sit between my parents as much as i could and get yelled at and watch everything go down the drain #like as soon as i walked out of college i stopped existing except as something for my parents and my job to use up #like. i know it's cringy to still be thinking about college but that was the last time i mattered as myself. you know #people liked me because of my brain! my thoughts! not for what i could do for them or for a paycheck #me qua me #okay lmao Antidepressant Time bye #no offense but my english classes wouldn't have made me feel weird about saying 'boon' instead of 'pro' up there #i changed it to not sound like an assclown but my profs would have thought it was funny.

[whoviandoodler]

[Image description: a digital drawing of Thomas and Varian from Transatlantic in sepia tones. Thomas is sitting on a sofa smoking, one leg bent and resting on the couch. In his right hand he has an open book and in his left he's holding Varian's glasses. He seems to have just looked up from his book at a new arrival. Varian is lying on the couch, his head on Thomas's thigh, and sleeping while covered by a cardigan. End description.]

that awkward moment when you boyfriend said he'd just lie down for a second and totally wouldn't fall asleep (he has so much work to do, he can't take naps), but now he's been sleeping for an hour and your leg is cramping so badly but you don't have the heart to wake him because he's been exhausted for weeks

#transatlantic #lovefry #thomas lovegrove #varian fry #transatlantic varian fry #transatlantic 2023 #varian took his outer clothes off bcs he didnt want to wrinkle them bcs theres no time to get them ironed #but he forgot to take off his glasses and now thomas has just been holding them bcs the nightstand is on varian's side #as always hello to the rest of the family of 5 (our fandom) #i always get extra excited to share stuff bcs ik yall will see it and be excited too #anywayy i felt kinda bad today so i went onto the balcony and just sketched a bunch of ideas #that have been on my mind for ages #this wasnt one of them but as i did my warmup i just ended up drawing them fully in my style no refs #and it came out kinda cute so i did it digital to fix it bcs digital canvases can rly easily be adjusted unlike sketchbooks lol #the ideas that have been haunting me since i watched ta is something to do w how they met (lovefry i mean) #and just a couple varian pieces bcs all the chars are great but i love him especially so so much #i watched julia drawfee's class on poster design and now i also write down words that come to my mind lol #its v fun #i considered shading this piece but it started getting muddy immediately so i just left it as is #dan draws

[lowrylesbian]

i was going to say « not to be a hater » but actually i love to be a hater. nolan patrick (?) misogyny burner account twitter discourse is really making me go huh. some of yall don’t know jack about hockey culture. sometimes i forget that there’s so many hockey lovers who didn’t grow up around Hockey Guys tm and sometimes i forget just how different of a perspective i (lesbian who grew up with hockey guys) have from some people

#never meet your heroes or something idk. said 2 my friend the other day that at least 30% of nhl players prob bullied kids like me in school #i believe in ppls abilities to grow and change. for example the hockey guy i knew growing up who loved to belittle girls in gym class and i #was so mean to him back and his mom came and visited our class one day and he told her i was a bitch or something and i said he thinks i ca #t play sports. and between his mom and i we set him right. in that aspect at least. he was still a dick in high school (and made rhat awful #(possibly niche to my high school) hockeyboy fashion choice of nike socks OVER his joggers (???) with birks) but at least he was an equal o #portunity dick to everyone. anyway. no one needed to know all that. luckily no one i went to scjool with ended up in the nhl but there are #lot of them who i wouldnt be surprised to see them saying the shit from that burner acc #something something. grew up in a hockey city in canada. anyway whatever. #personal

[cookinguptales]

I generally spend summers out west visiting with my parents because it's much colder out there, which is better for my chronic illnesses. I figure that there's nothing much keeping me here during the summer, especially because it's not really safe for me to go outside when it's hot, so until something comes up that makes traveling for long periods less attractive (like a job that requires me to stay put, a partner, home renovations, etc.) I'm gonna keep doing it.

But brooooo the only thing that makes me occasionally consider staying here for the summer is plants. When I used to stay here during the summer, before my parents moved to California, I used to grow the most beautiful plants. I have this raised garden bed that I got when I first moved in and I've never really gotten to use it because I'm just never here during a full growing season anymore.

I have grow shelves in my office and that's nice, but it's nothing compared to actually being able to grow tomatoes and stuff in my garden. And OH if I were able to use that space out there to get a little apple tree! One of the self-pollinating ones with multiple varieties! Or one of the dwarf peach/nectarine combos...

I'd cry!

But those things need a little babying and I'm just not here enough to do it properly. Which is sad, because gardening is actually pretty good for my mental health. And while I love my parents' area, a lot of fruiting plants just do not do well in that environment. I love the plants that are there, but every time we've tried to do tomatoes or cucumbers or something, they just do not thrive at all. Way too cold and gray. We can grow pea pods, but I hate pea pods...

*staring into space daydreaming about franken fruit trees because someone on my dash had the misfortune to reblog something about plant grafting*

#plant grafting makes me feral #whenever people sit still long enough I always eventually start telling them about apple biodiversity #and how if you plant apple seeds they will not be the same variety as the apple it came from #and you can only truly replicate them through grafting #and that's why -- oh no I'm doing it again #once I did some stupid 'what ___ are you' quiz #and at the end they were like 'tell me something fun' #and I legit just launched into the apple lecture I'm so sorry I love the apple lecture #I took this class on food science in college #and I had to do a presentation on how to read and order from a seed catalog #and I honestly just fell in love with it I now read those things like they're magazines #sometimes I just daydream about being able to move somewhere with land so I could plant everything #but I know my body would never let me anyway #BUT I CAN DREAM...

[j4r-of-flies]

I’ve had the worst day ever I came home early because I was dying all I need is a big hug from my moots in these trying times ❤️‍🩹

#r posts 🦝 #personal #I love love love my moots sm #been thinking abt u 😘 #anyway let me tell u abt my day #I had a terrible nightmare about a blue atomic bomb trying to kill me #I was in a state of crippling fear and anxiety #towards the end I thought of Lord Hanuman and woke up #JAI HANUMAN #so then #because of that I woke up late #then when I got to the tram stop it was delayed by 30 mins #I had to wait it -6°C for 30 MINUTES?? #it made my fever 10x worse #my classes were shit today too #ppl @ skl don’t even like me anymore #idc tbh fuck them #anyway #so I came back early because of the debilitating pain #now I’m home chilling #hope u guys had a better day than me #jai shri ram #😭🫶🏽🫶🏽

[sleepinginmygrave]

actually praying to wake up with an atrocious fever because physical pain is nothing compared to go to school

#especially harp class #i'm so so stressed about it #i have a huge exam at the end of the year #and i don't play enough #at all #i hate that but i don't change it #i don't know why #i lowkey hate playing in my own house #and i never. have the motivation #so i don't play #for the whole week #while my teacher tells me to play at least 1h-1h30 a day #hate hate hate it #why am i like this #also i hate playing on the harp i have #its broken everywhere #a lot of chords can never be turned correctly #so the sound is aweful #:(( #why am i venting in the tag that's not very sexy of me #also never gonna give you up just came up #j is rambling #cw vent #i guess

[rosicheeks]

😢

#class today was HARD #I was struggling a lot today tbh #and of course this new guy started working in the care team #and he’s my age or younger #I’m sure I’ve vented about this before #but I get so incredibly jealous when it comes to young people doing good #and like it wasn’t just that #we were checking in and he did his and he said ‘happy’ and I swear I wanted to walk over there and choke him #so you’re saying you have a really good job that I’m sure pays great #and you’re happy #cool cool cool #both those things aren’t realistic or attainable for me #but whatever #I’m sitting in the parking lot and not sure what to do right now #normally I’d go out and smoke and chill for a bit #but since I’m trying to abstain it’s so hard #i did a lot of crying today so my eyes are tired #but I don’t want to sleep the whole day and waste it #ooooofda I should have left sooner #this family came out (parents and daughter) and of course they’re parked right next to me #and I see this mom and dad taking care of their daughter and showing up for her #fuck me I wish I had that growing up #anywayyyyyy #if you want to tip me so I can maybe go to a store and do some retail therapy #I wouldn’t say no #for now idk what I’m gonna do probably end up asleep 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ #shut up rosie

[hplonesomeart]

We did it folks graduation achievement unlocked >:D

#class of 2024 hs grad #okay but I feel like I just had a character growth moment tho #just last week I was avoiding all discussion about it and pretending it’s never gonna happen #putting on a stoic emotionally detached mask to remove myself from how distraught the end was making me #but then proceeding to silently cry in the car under the weight of never making connetions like this again and the inevitable struggles #then a couple days of being bitter that everyone wanted to celebrate my graduation when I wanted it to be miserable #aaaand then this week I’ve just been like ‘meh yeah why not’ lol #just totally nonchalant and treating it like an average day #but after getting some last casual conversations in there and simply chilling/hanging out with these people I’ve known #can safely say graduation was a good experience #and honestly far more pleasant then the initial heartache I anticipated for months #I mean yeah the concept of everyone I care about being ripped away from me is still enough to tense my throat #but overall I’m far more accepting of the transition and even relieved that it’s over with #especially after today and realizing ‘yeah wasn’t too bad could do again’ jksjsksp #accidentally came to terms with it in a satisfactory way in the span of a singular day how about that #and will be fine until the moment someone starts antagonizing me about getting a job 🙃 #also thank you mom for taking a grainy photo resolution to save my identity hehe (was unintentional) #also this is unrelated but the amount of people who decorated their caps was incredible. Genuinely such talented people out here #they personalized the hell outta those handmade designs and I applaud the attention to detail #update #random #personal thing