#this body i've been given is made to breathe deep and experience beautiful things

[queenlucythevaliant]

What shall I do with this body I've been given, so much at one with me, so much my own?

For the quiet happiness of breathing, being able to be alive, tell me to whom I should be grateful?

I am gardener, flower too, and not alone in the world's dungeon.

My warmth, my exhalation, one can already see on the window-pane of eternity.

The pattern printed in my breathing here has not been seen before.

Let the moment's condensation vanish without trace: the cherished pattern no one can efface.

-Osip Mandelstam

#i tend to gravitate towards his darker poems #but this one just! #! #i've had migraine the last two days due to a postponed nerve block and this is just what I need' #this body i've been given is made to breathe deep and experience beautiful things #russia where are you flying to? #be strong and courageous #pontifications and creations

[toloveawarlord]

♥ Pairing: Chevalier Michel x Fem!Reader

♥ Event: Kinktober

♥ Day 16: Window/Balcony

♥ Warnings: smut; semi-public;

♥ wc: 1k

There was something magical about the moonlight shimmering on the ocean surface as the waves lapped against the shore in the distance. Since coming to Benitoite, you had grown more and more attached to this view. You leaned against the railing on the balcony taking in a deep breath of the oceanic air.

"I see the gift I got you fits you well."

Your body clad in a beautiful pale yellow, sheer robe that only served as a clear curtain over your skin. A scandalously thin piece of expensive clothing, leaving your undergarments the only decency available. Chevalier had it made to his specifications some time again, but never found the opportune time to gift it to you.

A trip to the seaside nation seemed reasonable enough.

You turned on your heel, spinning in a circle to show it off. "It's absolutely beautiful! I adore this material and it's perfect to wear in this warm weather." Bare feet padded on the balcony as you bounded over to Chevalier. Rising up on your tiptoes, you pressed a kiss to his lips. "Thank you for the gift."

"There's no reason to thank me," he replied, brushing off the gesture as he usually did. Chevalier had learned a lot since meeting you, falling in love with you, but the gift wasn't extravagant, or exorbitantly expensive. "It's an apology for making you wait long days here in the palace."

"I don't mind. Its design is so different from Rhodolite’s, and I've quite enjoyed wandering around and admiring the architecture and art." You had spent a whole day observing columns and archways alone, no matter the odd stares of the staff and nobles. Landing in your own fairy tale had given you the opportunity to experience life that you'd only read about in books.

Chevalier cracked a smirk at your admission. At the very least, no one would attempt to snatch up the weirdo gawking at the structure. "An odd choice, but I've come to expect odd from you." You were blown away by the simplest of things, admiring parts of life that Chevalier wouldn't have batted an eye at.

You turned your head away in a huff, bottom lip sticking out in a pout. "I am not odd!"

With your attention elsewhere, Chevalier's gaze fell to your body. It suited you, the color, the fit. He'd had a day filled with imbeciles and returning to this brought out his beast. "No more speaking." His arm wrapped around your waist, guiding you back until the railing of the balcony stopped you.

Your lips were soft, mouth parted as he took a less than gentle kiss. His tongue slipped in, tasting the sweetness of the pastry you had been snacking on before his arrival.

Chevalier prided himself on making your knees weak with only his mouth. You succumbed to him each and every time. The second prince wasn't a gentleman, replaced by the beast of passion that you'd brought out of him.

He'd never cared for physical touch before.

Now, he craved you.

It had interfered with his work more than once. Completely your fault, and he punished you for it accordingly.

You held onto his coat, thankful for his strong arm around your waist to keep you standing. It was unlike anything you'd ever experienced. Chevalier learned quickly what made you weak and needy for him, and pounced without restraint, drowning you in pleasure.

"Turn around," he said, guiding you as he spoke. It wasn't a hard task to discover all your sensitive spots. Like this one, on the crook of your neck. Chevalier bit into the skin lightly, causing you to gasp, and then soothing the spot with his tongue.

The metal railing was cool in your fist, aiding only a little to keep you upright. His kisses on your neck distracted you from his hands at work, until the material of your panties slid down to your ankles. "Chev-"

"Do not allow the whole of the palace to hear what is only for my ears, understand?"

You certainly did, but it hardly stopped you from giving a strangled cry when the tip of his cock stretched your entrance. But he didn't advance further, instead withdrawing and simply rubbing his length between your folds, gathering the slickness. The lost feeling of him inside you, albeit only a little, left you desperate.

Chevalier chuckled at how quickly your head swiveled around to look at him. How little it took to make you have such a dirty, needy expression. "Be patient, flower. I promise we've only just started." He prodded your entrance again, sinking in painfully slow.

By the time he filled you completely, you were shaking with desire. Your body cried out to be ravaged by your lover. Chevalier had never disappointed in bed, no matter how clumsy he was at first. His confidence only grew, bringing you pleasure of heights you'd never known.

Your stomach pressed into the railing, arms failing you when Chevalier began to thrust, building up his speed each time he pulled back. The wind blowing in a salty breeze felt good on your heated face, carrying away your voice toward the open sea.

Anyone walking below in the vast courtyard would be able to catch a glimpse of the two of you, illuminated in a blanket of silver moonlight. Trying to remain quiet was ill forgotten when you reached your peak. Chevalier's fingers deftly rubbing against your clit as he drove his cock into your dripping pussy.

You were still quite dizzy when Chevalier's shaft left you. He lifted you up into his arms, huffing with a head shake. "Didn't I tell you to be quiet?" He headed for the luxurious bedroom that had been given to the two of you for your stay. "Well, I suppose it cannot be helped. Be as loud as you wish within these walls."

He took you over and over on the large bed, making you cry out his name until the early morning light.

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen prince smut #ikepri smut #chevalier michel #chevalier x reader #chevalier smut

[mxnsterbabe]

Male Onikuma/Female Reader NSFW Wordcount: 997 Tags & Warnings: Japanese character, camgirl reader Commissions | Masterlist | Kinktober List

You're a camgirl, and your new client is a cutie for sure.

The video feed flickered to life as you grinned, flicking hair behind your head with a sultry twist of your wrist. "Hello," you spoke, putting on your best flirtatious charm, "Hiroshi, was it? You must be a new client, I'd absolutely remember someone like you."

The man on the other end of the grainy video chat was a big, beefy onikuma with silky white fur and the most beautiful sea-blue eyes you had ever seen. His nervous smile revealed a maw full of pointed teeth, but it was more endearing than anything else, at least to you. Especially given the way his gigantic paws tugged at the sleeve of his shirt as he shifted awkwardly in his seat.

He was new to you - but also new, it seemed, to the entire camgirl experience.

You provided an encouraging smile and sat higher in the bed, just high enough to reveal the first glimpse of your lacy lingerie. "I don't usually do private sessions, but you're one of the lucky ones." You spoke with the practised ease of someone who had been doing this for years, but in reality you had been at this for all of a year. Still, the softness of your words seemed to be working, and combined with the sultry red lighting and gentle music playing in the background, you knew it wouldn't be long until both you and Hiroshi were having a good time. "So, big guy," you said with another grin, "what are you here for tonight?"

Those bright eyes turned to you, lips hanging open as if the words had been sucked from him. He was more human in appearance than the other bear-folk you had met in the past, with almost-human lips that really did look kissable, and a small pink tongue that swept out to lick his bottom lip. "Honestly?" he admitted in a deep, rich voice that made you shiver, "I'm not sure."

"Then how about I lead, and you tell me if it's okay?"

He nodded shyly, big eyes never leaving your face. "Okay."

You had experimented with clients before, but never with someone so obviously new to this. Usually, your private customers were those that had been buying your content since the beginning, but you had taken a chance on Hiroshi when he popped up in your DMs, and now you were glad for it.

At first, you started off easy; clients often enjoyed the tease of only glimpsing your body at first, revelling in the suspense and anticipation. You tossed your hair over your shoulders and angled towards the camera, feeling the shiver as Hiroshi's appreciative gaze roved across your chest. "Tell me what you like," you purred, "and we'll go from there."

Hiroshi swallowed thickly. "I-I don't know," he admitted, paw-like hands digging into his thighs, "I've never - I mean... this is my first time."

Oh. For a moment, your facade dropped. "Your first time?" Suddenly, you had the feeling that he didn't just mean his first time with a camgirl.

He ducked his head with a nervous nod; and the poor guy looked so mortified that your heart stuttered.

Shit, you had ruined the mood, hadn't you? Cheeks pink, you straightened up and fumbled to recover from the blunder. "Well," you replied sweetly, and gave the dipping neckline of your lingerie a tug for good measure, "let me take care of you. I won't have you leave today without having the time of your life."

When Hiroshi looked at you, it was as if you were the only thing in the entire world. "Okay," he breathed, and even managed a toothy smile that made your heart jump.

Your smile never faltered as you adjusted the camera angle, and it allowed Hiroshi the perfect view of the lacy black lingerie that just barely covered you. The gown was made entirely of thin, silky lace that hugged every curve, flowing from your shoulders to pool around your hips; it did little to cover your bare waist and thighs, or hide the fact that underneath, you were wearing only a dark red bra and matching underwear.

Hiroshi's gaze was appreciative. Adoring, even.

"Like what you see?" you asked, laughing sweetly when Hiroshi nodded in approval. "Good. I bought this especially for tonight you know; you deserve special treatment." Slowly, allowing Hiroshi to see it all, you slipped the gown from your shoulders and let it fall to the bed. Now, goosbumps rising along your arms, you were bare save for the bra that just barely covered the swell of your breasts. "I'd show you more, but where's the fun in revealing everything?"

Awesruck was the only way to describe Hiroshi's gaze. His eyes blazed with desire, and although he was far from the only client to look at you like you were the world, he was the only one who made you squirm. Paws clenched and unclenched against his thights, barely visible from this angle, as he soaked in every inch of you.

With a delighted grin you leaned forward. "You know, I wouldn't be angry if you touched yourself."

His blush was invisible due to his thick fur, but his eyes widened and his lips parted, and you knew he was blushing anyway. "Oh no, I couldn't-"

"Not even if I asked you to?"

He paused, hands going still even as claws dug into his thighs. Then, bashfully, "maybe next time."

"Oh," you replied languidly, "you're already thinking about doing this again?" The thought made heat pool low in your gut, desire stirring inside of you. That... well, you would have been lying if you said the concept didn't elicit more interest than it would have from anyone else. With a deep breath, you fixed your gaze on Hiroshi's bright blue one and said, "private sessions are usually a luxury... but for you, any time."

Hiroshi visibly gulped, and you grinned.

"Perhaps next time, we could even meet up in person?"

#exophilia fiction #exophilia #monster x reader #monster boyfriend #monster romance #tag: mxf #tag: onikuma #tag: male monster #tag: female reader #tag: not sfw

[aobajohxsai]

(Fem!Reader HC) May I request for Oikawa, Iwa, Daichi, Tsukki and Yams's girlfriends feeling insecure because the boys are surrounded by taller and slimmer (she's short and chubby) girls so she grows distant with them and starts to avoid them like the plague. How they find out, approach and reassure/comfort the girl will be up to you~ 💖 I understand if you dw to write this. ^-^ It's just, I've struggled with my looks for years and it's just ☹☹☹ Sending love and hugs 🥰 - 🍡 anon

has it been six months since i last posted sth here

yes.

Love, I’m so sorry everything took so long!! Your wonderful messages never failed to brighten up my day and I just think you’re the loveliest person I’ve ever met! I may not show it, via my blatant avoidance of this blog, but you’re amazing and I appreciate every message, thank you!!

Without further ado, I hope this was worth the wait (probably not, I haven’t written in half a year, but I tried my best) <3

Also, I didn’t do Daichi, Tsukki and Yams, as I went wayyy overboard with the headcanons (it’s 600+words each), but feel free to request them again in a separate ask, love :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oikawa and Iwaizumi comforting their insecure girlfriend (Plus-sized!Reader)

Warnings: Some self-loathing, but it turns fluffy afterwards

You tried to even your breathing, (e/c) eyes glued to the horde of fangirls almost jumping on your boyfriend. Your hot, talented, brilliant, athletic boyfriend - Who, to your dismay, seemed adamant to keep flirting back.

Normally, you weren’t a jealous person - It’s a given when it comes to dating someone such as “The Great King”. That day, however, the green monster seemed to be rearing its ugly head, pushed upwards by all your deep-rooted insecurities. The girls he was surrounded with were stunning - Long, slim legs, the oversized sweater of the Seijoh uniform actually being oversized on them, the way they seemed to look so much better by your lovely boyfriend’s side than you.

“Y’know he’s only doing that to ensure Seijoh’s popularity or whatever bullshit he keeps spewing about it, right?”, a deep voice spoke from behind you, effectively startling you. How Iwaizumi could read you so well, that would always surprise you, but you supposed it came with years upon years of having to read his seemingly unreadable best friend. You tried to will away the tears that had formed in your eyes, letting out a small giggle at Hajime’s characteristic profanity.

“Oi, Shittykawa! Get your ass over here and greet your girlfriend!”, he yelled, effectively grabbing the attention of the entire fan-club and the man to whom it was dedicated. You felt a deep flush rising on your cheeks at the attention, prepared to listen to a quick dismissal from your boyfriend, but were instead met with a surprisingly feminine squeal.

Oikawa seemed to all but pounce on you, taking you into a tight hug and spinning you around a little. Placing you back down, his whiskey eyes seemed to have a gleam to them, effectively having lit up the second he’d seen you.

He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, before pouting exaggeratedly.

“Why didn’t you say anything, love? I kept waiting and waiting and my beautiful girlfriend just wouldn’t show up!”

That’s when the previously-forgotten dread made its appearance again. He hadn’t even noticed you in the sea of pretty girls. But that’s alright - You should have seen it coming, ever since you started dating the most popular guy in your high-school. Just fake it ‘til you make it, c’mon, he made a joke, laugh, Y/N, dammit-

A bitter laugh left your lips, so aggressive it even startled Oikawa. 

“It’s quite alright, wouldn’t have expected you to, surrounded by all these pretty girls and all.” Another aggravated laugh left your lips, as you tried to sell it as a good-natured joke, but it was obvious that your boyfriend had definitely read through it. His expression seemed to darken, brows furrowing, before he quickly fell back into his well-rehearsed role, letting out an exaggerated gasp. 

“Oh, but you’re the prettiest one out of all of them! I’d never miss your gorgeous face!” He smirked, before squishing your cheeks lightly, eyes widening in a playful expression. “Actually”, he motioned towards the girls still watching you guys oh God- before promptly placing a hand around your shoulders, pulling you into his side protectively.

“Hey, everyone, look at my beautiful, lovely, gorgeous, girlfriend! Isn’t she the prettiest?”

The girls seemed to be whispering amongst themselves, confused expressions adorning their faces, before nodding shyly. You couldn’t have cared less, though - In the arms of the boy you loved, you were sure you’d never feel insecure ever again.

Having your boyfriend be the ace of a popular volleyball team was proving to be an incredible experience, as you had the opportunity to witness not only the developing friendships on the team, but also the colossal amount of hard work that went into the winning streak they had been on for the past few matches.

You couldn’t be more proud - wearing Iwaizumi’s jersey in the stands, your voice louder than anyone else’s - Everything was going well, except for one little, tiny thing.

For once, along with the relentless Oikawa Tooru fanclub, a small group of girls had seemed to form around Iwaizumi, the only thing you could overhear being something about his “hands that were totally made for choking”. 

The bigger issue? They were all perfect. In their tiny, stupid skirts and their cute shirts and their sharp jawlines and sculpted faces and - Well, you had curves where others didn’t and you weren’t particularly proud of your body. Your thighs seemed larger than usual and you almost gasped at the sudden wave of despair washing over you. Why would he date you when he could easily have them?

You weren’t a masochist in any sense - However, you found yourself unable to turn off your eavesdropping, only hearing more and more things that would make you spiral into self-loathing. You felt overwhelmed, so you quickly grabbed your bag and hurried out of the room, finding a bench to sit on and simply breathe.

Not long afterwards, however, you heard lots of squeals - presumably from Iwa and Oikawa’s fanclub - and prepared yourself for what you’d have to witness.

To your surprise, however, as soon as the doors of the court opened, you could only see a tuft of black hair aggressively elbowing everyone in the crowd, dropping a nonchalant “sorry” here and there, before finally running straight into your arms.

He breathed in your perfume, still hugging you tightly, before letting go and grinning widely towards you.

Before he could speak, however, he found himself being interrupted by some loud squeals. Looking at you, he rolled his eyes playfully before shouting:

“Trashikawa, grab your stupid fanclub and get out of here, I can’t talk to (Y/N) properly!”

To your surprise, the setter’s face twisted into that annoying, cocky smirk of his, before he coyly replied: 

“Iwa-chan, maybe you should grab a hold of your fanclub! We’re well-behaved here, aren’t we?”, he smiled dazzlingly towards the nearest girl and you swore you saw her faint.

Upon glancing at your boyfriend, however, you quickly noticed his agape mouth, the surprised look quickly being overtaken by a frown, a hand grazing the back of his neck.

“Uh, thank you, ladies, I appreciate it, but I really wanted to talk to my girlfriend, so would you mind leaving us alone?”

He was being so genuine, you felt a pang of jealousy in your chest - It’s alright, he’s just happy to be supported, you had to remind yourself.

The ace had noticed your sour look, however, quickly turning back to you, mouth turned down into a scowl.

“Why the fuck can’t they stick to Shittykawa?”

You smiled giddily, before tangling a hand in his spiky locks. “Well that’s because you’re sweet, kind, genuine - muscular - and, uh”, you looked down embarrassedly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear, “fuck, you should be with one of them, I don’t deserve you.”

Now, you’d seen an annoyed Iwa plenty of times, but this couldn’t be matched - His brows seemed to furrow until they almost disappeared, his mouth pressed into a tight scowl as he looked your face up and down, checking whether or not you were being serious. Upon noticing that indeed, that was the case, he pulled you into him a tad too aggressively, pushing your chin up lightly to gaze into your eyes. 

His glare seemed to soften, before he started peppering your face with kisses. 

“You”, kiss, “are”, kiss, “the best goddamn thing”, kiss, “that’s ever happened to me.”

Finishing with his assault of kisses, Iwaizumi gave you a soft smile, before glaring playfully. “If you ever think that any of those girls would interest me half as much as you do, you’re really just as much of an idiot as Trashikawa, you know.”

Finally, he looked around before promptly squeezing your thigh, his large hand almost engulfing it. A small smirk played on his lips as he rose his gaze back to yours.

“I promise I’ll show you how gorgeous you are when we get home.”

#oikawa tooru x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #hq #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi haijime #oikawa x reader #iwaizumi x reader #seijoh x reader #hq x reader #Anonymous

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Spotlight: A Life Of A Troubled Celebrity Heartthrob Ch 9

Spotlight: A Life Of A Troubled Celebrity Heartthrob Chapter 9

Word Count: 3,432

We're going to skip the formalities Ashleigh," Colson strolled into the study and pushed Ashleigh's chair back, "Why did you you do it??"

"Colson I-" Ashleigh looked at him, frightened, "Slim said if I didn't do it then-it would have been me instead," she hung her head in shame.

"Hmm.." Colson held his chin and pretended to be in deep thought, "so you gave up Y/N instead..makes sense I guess," he shrugged.

"What?!" her head snapped up.

"Slim is a crackhead and is blazed half the time..what's your excuse for taking part in this Ashleigh," his eyes were fire and ice all at once.

"He threatened me-" she cried out.

"But you made conscious decision to help him f*ck my wife didn't you?!" Colson shot back, "you even spiked her drink with a double dose of the drug!" He shouted, "why did you do that? Huh?!"

"I was scared!" she said as the tears pooled her eyes,

"Ahhh..I see.." Colson stood up, " are you scared Ash?" Colson got up stared directly into her eyes.

"Y-e-ss.." she gulped and looked at the bodyguards that towered behind Colson.

"Good," Colson said with satisfaction, "it's good that you're afraid," he paced around her chair, "At least I've got the decency to plan this thing in front of you; and not behind your back like what you did to someone that considered you a friend," he stopped in front of her, "Now I'm going to get one of these guys to lock you in a tiny bathroom and have his way with you? How about that? Sound familiar?"

"Don't! Please! I'll do anything!" she fell at Colson's feet and grovelled.

"Guys can I have a volunteer to take this lovely lady into the restroom and do what ever you feel like with her? Actually I want you to go as far as Slim did with my wife..or further maybe? Rog? Andre? You're game?" Colson asked.

"Let me at her Col. I think I will do a good job than Rog over here," Andre motioned with his head.

"No, no, no. Please allow me Col? I will do a better job than Slim," Rog said smugly.

"Okay Rog you're our guy!" Colson patted Rog on the back, "don't worry Ashleigh I'll just turn a blind eye like you did and I hope, for your sake, there's someone that cares enough to come and knock the door down-like I did," Colson stepped away from her, "Hey don't forget to rough her up and spike her drink before-just like Slim did to my wife."

"Waaiiitt! Don't leave me! I'm sorry! Please! Slim made me do it-he-he threatened me," Ashleigh wailed.

"Why didn't you come to me?! You had a choice and you did the wrong thing Ashleigh! That makes you as bad as Slim!" Colson yelled at her, his blue eyes blazing. "By the way-enjoy your stay in prison," he informed her before he left the room.

"Take her away Rog and don't come out until she passes out just like Y/N," Jax looked down at her with disgust.

"Jax! Please don't do this!" she pleaded but Jax was having none of it.

"You saw it fit to do it to Y/N so why should I feel sorry for you? Take her away," Jax said.

"Noooo! Please!" Ashleigh screamed as Rog threw her over his shoulder; to carry out orders.

"How far do you want to take this Colson?" Jax asked as they walked to the car.

"As far as Slim took liberties on my wife," Colson replied tersely, "I want her to experience everything that Y/N went through. She should have a play by play version and we'll see how she feels being in the same shoes."

"So they're not going to actually...?" Jax raised his eyebrow.

"No! I gave them strict instructions not to take it that far," he reiterated.

"Okay," Jax opened the door for Colson and he jumped in.

"Please take me to the hospital? I need to check on Y/N before I lose my mind," Colson sighed heavily, "the doctor has assured me that he didn't..get very far."

"What a relief!" Jax sagged on the driver's seat.

"If he had-I was going to kill him with my bare hands," Colson clenched his fist.

"Not if I got to him first-with a bullet straight through his head," Jax said with conviction.

"I think we need to leave this place. Just me and Y/N," Colson said, "please make the arrangements?"

"Where are we going to this time?" Jax questioned, knowing he was part of the plan.

"Jamaica," Colson replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good morning baby," Colson sat on the hospital bed and held Y/N's hand. Her eyes fluttered open and she groaned.

"You told him," she snatched her hand out of his grasp and turned aside.

"What?!" Colson asked, confused.

"I told you something in confidence," she cleared her throat, "and you told Slim so he could use it against me," she sniffled.

"Sweets.." Colson jumped onto the bed and lay in front of her, "look at me? Please?" he held her face tenderly.

"I honestly have no idea what you're going on about" his blonde hair flopped over his eyes and he tossed it back, "can you at least fill in the blanks so that we can be on the same page?" he stared at her intently.

"He knew," she whispered, "he knew about Bobby," she dropped her gaze.

"Who's Bobby baby?" Colson asked gently.

"My ex," she gulped as she twisted her hands nervously.

"I didn't tell him anything about it sweets. I swear. Maybe he overheard me talking to Jax the other day..I wanted him to help find him so you wouldn't have to worry about him coming back-I didn't want it hanging over your head," Colson explained "plus you never really told me his name.."

"Oh," her eyes focused on chest.

"You like my t-shirt?" Colson joked.

"I've always found plain white t-shirts fascinating," she rolled her eyes.

"This isn't just any white t-shirt babe-it's an original Levi," Colson held out the hem of the t-shirt and grinned.

"I'm sorry for spoiling your night," Y/N apologized.

"Hey..don't do that," Colson held her chin up and gazed into her e/c orbs, "I should be the one apologizing actually. I was supposed to protect you but-"

"Can we not talk about this?" she frowned and looked away.

"Sure," there was an awkward silence. "I'll go and check with the doctor if he's done with your discharge papers," Colson hopped of the bed and left the room.

Y/N looked up the ceiling and sighed heavily. How did she end up in this situation for a second time? If Colson hadn't kicked down the door when he did then-she didn't even want to think about it. She would rather keep it buried in her emotional archives.

"Good morning!" Jax stood at the door with his hands in his pockets, "is there room for one more?" he smiled.

"Jax!" Y/N gave him a genuine smile, "come in!" Jax got to her in two strides and engulfed her in a bear hug.

"You okay kid?" he leaned back and examined her.

"Yeah," she grinned.

"Good. The doctor has given you the green light, you can go home" he nodded with satisfaction, "did your husband tell you that we're going on honeymoon?"

"No Jax," Colson cut in, "but you might as well tell her."

"Tell me what?" Y/N asked.

"We're going to the Caribbean baby," Jax smiled.

"What?! Really babe??" Y/N gushed and Colson nodded with a smile.

"Let's get out of here I need to pack."

***********************************

It was a beautiful day; the birds were singing, the sun was shining and all was alright in the world. For now at least.

Colson woke up early and went to take his usual swim. The beach was deserted as he walked towards the water, in his shorts and his towel slung over his shoulder. He loved to take an early morning swim as part of his workout routine because it helped him to think; and he had a lot of thinking to do this morning.

At the end of this week they were going back to reality and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that. The press that constantly stalked him and pried into his private life unashamedly, his fake friends, the pressure of staying at the top and last but not least his dear mother in law. Mrs Y/M/F/N L/N had called him, breathing fire and threatening to castrate him as soon as his jet touched the ground of Cleveland. He would definitely chose dealing with the press over that any day.

While he understood that she had genuine concerns, Y/N was a grown woman and the only thing that mattered to him. The way he felt about her frightened him. After Dani he had promised to never fall in love again. Love was complicated, it was too intense and it made you vulnerable; but worst of all you could risk getting your heart broken. He had loved Dani more than was humanely possible-he could have done anything for her and he did, but after she slept with his best friend she did irreparable damage to his heart. He couldn't risk it again-and yet he found himself totally consumed by Y/N Y/L/N.

Her eyes captivated him and sent his heart spiraling to the ends of the unknown. When she laughed or smiled at him he felt like he could take on the world. Making love to her was an indescribable feeling..he couldn't put it into words even if he tried. She was always on his mind and he just wanted to be with her all the time. He was selfish when it came to her-he didn't want anyone else around when they were together; he wanted all her attention; all of her.

Colson swam back to the shore, his body was exhausted. He bent over and held onto his knees, trying to catch his breath.

"Smile," Y/N said and as he looked up startled she took a pic with her iPhone.

"Hey sweets," his face broke into a smile and his heart skipped a beat.

"I could wake up to this every morning..some girls have all the luck," she sighed and took a few more pics of Colson in his swimming trunks, water dripping from his gorgeous body.

"You know what Bambi..I think you need to be in the pic as well-"Colson lunged at her and grabbed her, making her wet. She was dressed in a short floral caftan dress which did nothing to protect her.

"Baker!" she squealed, "you're making me wet!"

"Just what I love to hear sweets," he crushed her against his solid chest and their lips merged, melting into each other. He wove his fingers into her silky soft hair and she in turn slid her fingers into his wet hair.

Jax stood behind them clearing his throat and got their attention.

"Just on time Jax-please take a video and post it on Instagram asap okay?" Colson handed the phone to him.

"A video??," Y/N asked. Before she got a response Colson swooped her off her feet and threw over his shoulder. He ran back into the water amidst Y/N's screams and protests.

She landed in the water with a splash and Colson laughed at her as she spluttered in the water.

"Baker you are dead!!" she jumped onto his back and they both keeled over back into the water. Y/N tried to escape but he caught her foot and dragged her back in. They continued a full out make out session and would have taken it further if Jax hadn't reminded them that they were in a public area.

"That's enough you two!" Jax yelled, "breakfast is served, let's go."

"Let's get changed first. Come one," Colson put his arm around her shoulder as they walked back to the villa. They had a quick shower and dressed up before going for breakfast.

"Can't we go out somewhere for breakfast?" Y/N suggested, "We're in the Caribbean so we might as well take advantage of it."

"As mi 'lady wishes," Colson bowed.

"Baker!" Y/N swatted his arm.

"But I went all out and made breakfast for you two?" Jax grumbled.

"Sorry Jax. Guess we will have to stay and eat," Y/N said.

"Killjoy," Colson muttered under his breath.

"Don't worry babe, we can explore after breakfast," Y/N squeezed his arm.

"Ooh, I like the sound of that.." Colson murmured and leaned in to kiss her.

"Can we eat now?" Jax complained.

"I would rather eat what I'm looking at right now.." Colson continued to suck on Y/N's lips and she giggled.

"Gosh! I think I'm going to throw up," Jax rolled his eyes, "I'm going to eat at my villa. I'll leave you kids to it." He threw his napkin on the table and stood up.

"Hey Jax," Colson said, "You're officially off duty. We'll call you when we need you."

"Thank you!" Jax said with a sigh of relief, "at least I won't have to witness you two sucking face any longer."

"Makes two of us," Colson replied. They laughed as they watched him leave.

"You're not a nice person Baker," Y/N said as she nibbled on a piece of bacon.

"I know but I'm still yours," he tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Are you really?" she asked with uncertainty.

"Sweets-let's not do this? Please?" he raked his hair.

"So nothing has changed," she nodded and her gaze as she twisted her fingers nervously.

"I'm going for a walk!" Colson pushed back his chair and it screeched as he stood up.

"Fine!" Y/N shouted at his retreating back.

Y/N thought that things had changed. That somehow his feelings had changed and he was finally ready to admit that he loved her, that this was more than a casual fling, that they had passed the stage of testing the waters. She had hoped they had established their relationship on a solid foundation but his outburst had proved that they were still on ground zero.

Two steps forward. Two steps back.

**********************************

Y/N spent the day watching Netflix in the guest room at the villa. She had ordered room service because she didn't feel like cooking. She didn't feel like doing anything but wallowing in self-pity. Colson hadn't shown up for lunch or dinner and Y/N went into further depression. There was a fully stocked bar so she decided to take full advantage of it and drowned her sorrows.

She heard loud music coming from outside so she got dressed in her best outfit and headed out. There was no way she was going to sit at home while Colson was probably out there having a good time. She stumbled into a local club that seemed to be happening tonight and made a beeline to the bar.

"Can I have a cosmo?" she asked the barman and he nodded. She sipped on it slowly and watched the revelers grinding on each other; having a good time.

"Care to dance?" Colson came from behind and whispered in her ear.

"Get lost Baker," she retorted without swinging around.

"Look sweets, I'm sorry for walking out on you," he turned her around and he took her hands, "I shouldn't have done that-please forgive me?" he pouted.

"We can't make progress if that's what you going to do every time we have a fight," she said, "where have you been all day anyway?"

"I went scuba diving and surfing with Jax," he replied. "Can we just be Colson and Y/N tonight? For the rest of the week maybe?" he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, "No fighting, no arguing-no nothing-good vibes only. Just me and you enjoying each other's company? Can we do that baby?" he implored.

"Okay Baker. I'm sold," Y/N rolled her eyes and picked up her drink.

"I know we need to do grown up talk soon but can it be when we get back home?" he asked, "for now I just want to enjoy my honeymoon with my beautiful and sexy wife," he took her drink and gulped half of it down.

"Hey! Get your own," she slapped his arm. He ordered another round for them and then a couple of more. She was feeling light headed and her face was tingling. The alcohol had clearly kicked in and she could feel it.

"Let's go dance!" Colson pulled her to the dance floor.

"I don't even know how to dance to this music!" she shouted into his ear. She looked around her and all she could see was people gyrating on each other. If they didn't have any clothes on it would have been x-rated.

"There's nothing to it sweets. Just follow my lead," Colson started grinding against her and she followed suit.

They got lost in the moment as their bodies intertwined as they moved to the rhythm of the music. He turned her around and fitted her back into the contour of his body, his hands slowly gliding down her thighs. She weaved her hands in his hair and pressed her backside into him and he groaned into her ear.

"You're killing me Bambi," his lust filled voice whispered into her ear, sending chills down her spine. He gripped her hips tightly and sucked her earlobe and she gasped.

"I learnt from the best," she said breathlessly, as she continued to grind against him.

"Bathroom-now!" he growled.

"What?!" her eyeballs almost popped out. This was so hot but she had to be the voice of reason here. He grabbed her hand and led her to the ladies restrooms, "Colson-you can't be serious?!

"This is Jamaica sweets. We can't come here and not have hot, spontaneous sex in the bathroom," he slammed the door shut and made sure it was locked.

"What if we get caught?" she asked breathlessly, as he planted hot kisses on her neck.

"Too bad-they will just have to hear you screaming my name," he said in a husky voice, before he pushed her against the door and took her right there and then.

Welcome to Jamaica.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the night was a blur and just when Y/N thought she was ready to head home, Colson told her the night was only beginning.

"We've been invited to an after party at Sean Paul's and I have been trying forever to get a collabo with him. This is my chance," Colson said as they jumped into the limo.

"Can you maybe drop me off at home? I'm totally wasted," Y/N groaned and leaned back on the leather seat.

"Not a chance sweets," Colson leaned in and kissed her until she was breathless, "better?" he asked with a smile.

"Hmmm," was all Y/N could day.

"We won't stay long. Promise," he assured her but they both knew it was a lie.

Colson kept her entertained throughout the night and never left her side. They danced, talked, drank and danced some more. Finally she couldn't stand on her feet any more so they went to sit down again. The people at their table were smoking a joint an passing it around and Colson pulled on it a couple of times before passing it to Y/N.

"No way!" she pushed his hand away.

"Don't tell me you've never smoked weed sweets?" he looked genuinely shocked.

"Never..not interested," she slurred, "I don't smoke."

"This is different. Besides-we're in Jamaica sweets. You can't be here and not experience this," he looked at the joint like it was gold, "come on just try it. Just one drag," he coaxed and his new found friends cheered her on.

"Okay, okay" she relented. Against her better judgement she took it and smoked it until she choked on the smoke.

"Yeah!" everyone cheered for her.

"Well done Bambi," Colson chuckled and rubbed her back.

To this day Y/N couldn't remember how she got home that night.

Colson teased her about it the next day. Apparently she danced on the table and almost did a strip show but he had stopped her just in time. He even got a lap dance.

"You're a bad influence Baker," she groaned and went back to sleep.

#machine gun kelly #colson baker #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker x reader #colson baker imagine #fan fiction

[robert-de-niro-only-fans]

Drag Me to Hell

Louis Cyphre x Angel!Reader

No plot, just smut. Finishing Louis Cyphre week of with a... bang 😏

TW: smut, demon, angel, shape shifting, possibly some sacrilegious statements

Word Count: 2k

Due to a lengthy series of events and bad choices (a story for another time), you find yourself laid out on the silky sheets of Satan himself. He uses his body to hold you down: one hand gripping your wrists above your head, and his body weight pinning your body down, even your wings couldn’t help free you as you writhe beneath him. From his fingertips, a vine creeps out, tying your hands to his bed frame.

“Silly little angel... Nothing can help you now,�� Louis starts, tracing his lips across your exposed chest, “You made a deal with the Devil, and there is no breaking that deal... You owe me your beautiful body.”

It was true that you’d made a deal with him, but he had come to you in another form... Sneaky shapeshifter he was! Despite your naivety, you would still pay the price.

While it's forbidden for an angel to desire a demon, Louis's lips on your neck and his fingernails scratching long marks into your sides only makes you want him. As his lips and teeth suck little bruises into the perfectly smooth skin at your neck, you can't help but lean into it... It's just feels so good.

Thank God your hands are tied up, because you find yourself wanting to put your hands on his hair, and if you did that, Louis would know you had given in to him. You do your best to just be still and stay quiet.

But apparently that method fails you as well.

"You're whining a lot less than you were before, my dear," Louis starts working his way down your chest with his kisses, "Could it be you're enjoying this?"

You look down at him with your eyebrows contorted into a worried look and lust-blown eyes... Not to mention how beautifully flushed your cheeks and chest are.

His lips latch onto one of your nipples, swirling his tongue around it, as he stares up to you. "Answer me," he demands, giving your other breast a squeeze, "Are you enjoying this, little one?"

You gasp as his teeth find your nipple, "N-no..."

"Mmm... You don't like this?" he says making his way to your hips and giving one of them a sharp bite when he gets there. As he kisses the spot he just bit, you shake your head no to him, unable to take your eyes off of him, namely his hair and those big muscles.

He trails his lips and tongue along your lower belly area, clearly lining himself up to go down on you, "Angels are bad liars," he says in between smooches, "but in case you are telling the truth, and you really don't like it... I'll just have to try harder." He places a dirty open-mouthed kiss on your center, "After all, I've never had anyone leave my bed feeling anything less than completely satisfied."

He takes your thighs in his hands, lifting them off his bed and spreading them. He places some teasing nibbles to your sensitive skin on the inner parts of you legs, before his head sinks down and that tongue starts working on your clitoris. You fight back whatever noise tries to escape you, trying to lay there as silently as possible. However, when Louis’s flattened out tongue scrapes over that little bundle of nerves, your hips betray you, arching involuntarily.

“Hmm, I got a reaction out of you. Let me do that again and see if I can get my little angel to stir,” another lick, and your hips buck again, “Silly girl, your body always betrays you in the throws of passion, don’t you know that?”

His tongue teases at your entrance, sloooowly moving up and down as he stares up at you before pushing his tongue in, tasting you. He moans as if tasting a delicious plate at a five-star restaurant, and he moves a hand so that his fingers can work on your clit.

A shaky breath leaves your lips, you’re not sure how much longer you can deal with this. A few seconds later, Louis switches positions, landing his mouth on your sensitive bundle of nerves and a long finger deep inside you, suddenly. You let out a moan that sounds more like a whine when you try to choke it back, pulling at the straps tying you to the bed.

Louis chuckles deeply as he continues his actions, working that finger in and out of you, teasing you by lightly curling it, knowing you want him to use more pressure. His tongue doing ungodly things between your legs gets you squirming beneath him, unable to decide if you want more pressure because it feels good or less pressure because you really shouldn’t want this.

When the man sees you looking down at him with begging eyes, he asks, “What do you want? You have to tell me what you want, princess, or I won’t give it to you.”

You look at him silently, refusing to say anything, and so he goes back to pleasing you, but even lighter than he had been before.

“Mm! Please...” you let out in a frustrated grunt.

He gives you a mischievous smirk, “Please what, angel?”

“Please... more.”

He clicks his tongue in disappointment, “You’re not very good at begging, my dear, but I suppose angels don’t have to beg for anything, so I’ll let it slide—just this once.”

As Louis begins sucking on your clit and curling that finger inside you how you like, you finally allow yourself to let a few noises slip out of your mouth. You can tell the man beneath you gets very excited as you practically purr for him.

Right when you start to relax into him, he pops off of you entirely, saying, “I got you to moan for me,’ he crawls to hover over you, “now you’re gonna taste yourself on my tongue.”

Without even a second thought, his lips are on yours in a surprisingly delicate open-mouthed kiss. His hand grips your jaw, making sure he has access to your mouth as he makes you taste your own sex. With the feeling of his hard length trapped between you two, you know what has to happen next.

He pulls your bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it and even giving it a little nip. When he breaks his kiss with you, he gently massages your swollen bottom lip with his thumb, “An angel's beauty is simply undeniable, but yours..." his knuckles stroke your cheek, "Otherworldly..."

He places a soft kiss to your lips, his words and the intimacy of the moment tugging at your heart strings. But Louis can never allow himself to be soft for too long, things quickly turn heated again and he lines himself up between your legs.

"Taking you is going to be like my own little slice of heaven, and you'll get to experience some of the few pleasures we have here in Hell," his voice rumbles as his cock teases at your entrance.

He takes in a breath as his tip enters you, feeling your wet warmth. "Oooh," he breathes as he gently rocks his hips back and forth, savoring every inch that he slides into you.

Whether you like it or not, you let out a low moan at the feeling of his hardness filling you up. You're wet enough that he slides against you easily, making it feel all the better. This man really knows how to turn you on.

He holds your soft thighs against his hips so you can feel his pelvis thrusting into you. His muscles look so good from this angle too: his built arms and toned abs; you could see them flex with his movements.

No! You're not supposed to be thinking about him like this.... But he's just so intoxicating. How could you blame anyone for succumbing to his charms?

Louis picks up the pace, really creating some friction between the two of you, properly fucking you. He leans forward, wrapping his arms around you, holding you tightly like how a snake strangles its victim, then he spreads his knees which forces your legs apart, giving him a great angle.

"You like how I feel inside you, don't you, sweet girl? You know you shouldn't, but you do," he pants in your ear. "If God didn't want you to make love, why would he give you such a lovely body, beautiful hair, supple breasts, cushiony thighs, and that sweet pussy?"

The Devil's dirty talk is almost... Romantic? But it's still dirty talk nonetheless.

His hips work quickly until Louis is moaning -no- growling next to your ear, attacking you with kisses and bites. You start to lose your composure; you just can't help the moans and whines coming from you as he fucks you into the mattress.

Both of your breathing starts to become heavy when suddenly Louis pulls out of you and cuts your hands free from the bed frame. Without a word, he flips you over and pulls you up on your hands and knees, instantly slamming back into you.

You let out a high-pitched squeal, which the demon behind you revels in. His hips and thighs clap loudly against your butt cheeks as he pounds into you.

You feel his claws move up your back and scratch at the base of your wings, which for you is a very sensitive spot. A loud noise comes out of you and your elbows go weak as you crumble under Louis's touch.

"Mmm, sensitive baby..." he growls before grabbing you by the wings pulling you back towards him. He uses your wings like a leash, using them to keep your thighs flush to his body as he continues to slam into you excitedly.

You hiss at the feeling of him pulling your wings so harshly, but pleasure mixed with a little pain feels better than you expected. Luckily though, he only holds you like that for a little while before he wraps his arms around you, pressing your back to his chest. One of his hands finds your breast and the other finds your neck, teasing at your airway.

"Are you enjoying yourself now, baby girl?" he questions.

"Hnnnnng... No-" you're still trying to fight him, just a little bit.

"Mmm, still no? That's a shame..." he whispers in a breathy voice.

"You're just- a de- deceptive- sh- shape shifter," you say between thrusts, "you- you- fooled me-"

He hums, "You're still stuck on that, sweetheart? Well... Maybe I can use my shape shifting for something else..."

On queue, you feel his member growing inside you, filling you as much as you can take. You nearly start screaming in pleasure as his girth touches all of your sweet spots. Louis moans, holding you by the throat and scratching at your wings again.

You're simply overwhelmed with pleasure, and within seconds, you're cumming. Your body shakes as an indecipherable string of sounds comes from you. Louis makes a series of grunts and groans as he feels your orgasm, and soon he finds his own deep inside you.

Afterwards you collapse on the bed, and Louis doesn't stray too far away, wanting to keep you close so you won't try to fly away.

"I told you no one leaves my bed feeling anything less than satisfied..." he repeats from earlier.

"Hmmm... Well, I wasn't satisfied, so I guess I'll just have to stay in your bed until I am," you say in a sassy voice, giving him a devilish look of your own.

Louis raises his eyebrows at this shift in personality from you, and in that moment, he finds you much more attractive than he already did. He gives you a playful snarl and pulls you on top of him for round two!

Art credit: @demon__artist on Instagram 😈✨

#louis cyphre x reader #louis cyphre #angel heart #angel reader #robert de niro #imagine #robert de niro x reader #robert de niro imagine #mob wives #angel #demon #devil

[dazedbydazai]

예뻤어 - You Were Beautiful

➤ Pairing: Dazai Osamu x Fem!Reader

➤ Genre: Angst

➤ Warning: Character death(s)

➤ WC: 2.0K

(A/N: This was requested by an anon and was inspired by DAY6′s song, You were Beautiful. I suggest listening to that while reading this. It just hits right.)

Dazai Osamu was a very secretive and elusive man. He had multiple tricks up his sleeve, he was manipulative, cunning, and unforgiving. He didn't know what love was, he abandoned that emotion long ago. He was merciless and self-centered, only caring about things that will benefit him. Dazai Osamu was not a good man.

But all of that changed when his closest friend, Odasaku, died.

Promising to turn over a new leaf, Dazai left the Port Mafia in pursuit of something more beautiful, something good, and he had also vowed to not let anyone else enter his life and be attached to them in fear of losing them like he lost his friend.

Dazai vowed. He closed himself off, hiding behind a pretentious and flamboyant character that fools people with his handsome smile and witty banter. Dazai didn't want to repeat the same mistake twice. Dazai had already learned.

He chanted this in his mind over and over again but alas, he was not able to stick to his word. Because just after a few months of leaving his past self behind, he suddenly met you.

A beautiful woman. Funny, kind, and just as intelligent as Dazai, you showed up in front of him like an angel and broke down all the walls he's built.

Dazai didn't understand why, of all people, did you come to him? Why waste your time on someone who's suicidal and clearly not of sound mind? Why bother entertaining his antics and flirtatious behavior when you knew that he only did this to cover up his ugliness within?

Simple. The answer was simple.

It was just in your nature.

You were gentle when you first embraced Dazai. You were understanding when he told you about his past. You were soft spoken when you told him that it's okay. You were kind, so very kind, that Dazai didn't bother to put up his walls around you anymore.

Dazai let himself fall. He wanted to hold you in his arms longer, wanted you to kiss his pain and anguish away, he wanted to love you. And he did.

That promise he made himself was long forgotten as he sighed contently, letting your fingers drag through his hair, gently fixing it up.

"Dazai? Are you falling asleep?" You giggle as you look at him through the mirror of your dresser.

Dazai blinked a few times before grinning at you. "Hmm... if I say yes, would you let me sleep in your bed tonight?"

You lightly smack his forehead and laugh. "If you meant that literally, then go ahead."

You were always so welcoming with Dazai, no, actually with all the people you meet. You treat them equally, always talking to them with a smile on your face. But Dazai likes to think that he's given special treatment from you. You are, after all, the closest person he's ever let in his life next to Odasaku.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Being with you was easy. You calmed Dazai's heart, relaxed his mind, made him feel more human.

"You are the most beautiful person I've ever met," He had told you one day as you ate your lunch together. If it was anybody else, they'd assume that Dazai was just being his usual flirty self. But since it was you, you knew that those words held something deeper as you look in his brown orbs.

Being with Dazai was difficult, to say the least, but you kept up with him, determined to help him in any way you can. And it wasn't long before you found yourself falling for him too.

It was in the gentle way he held your hand, the glint in his eyes whenever he talks to you, the softness and vulnerability of his voice when he lets out his inner thoughts and nightmares.

You were always there, listening through each and every one of his stories. Even when he had called you up at three o'clock in the morning, voice hoarse and shaky as he apologized to you.

"Did you have another nightmare?" You ask softly and when Dazai says yes, you sit up on your bed and walk him through it. You always knew how to calm him down, knew the right words to say, and Dazai was thankful for that.

Dazai truly loved you and you loved him too.

That's why even if he knows he won't be able to hold you in his arms forever, he still takes the chance and asks you to be his.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It feels like heaven. Dazai thought as he held you in his arms one cold winter night.

It was perfect. How your hand fit in his as he kissed your knuckles gently.

"You are so beautiful, my belladonna."

Those words never failed to make you blush, your heart skipping a beat as Dazai traces the features of your face with his finger.

"Stay with me like this forever, Dazai. I want to keep you close to me for as long as I can," You whisper these words as you close your eyes, feeling sleepy.

"Don't say that like you're going someplace else, my love. I will forever be by your side," Dazai replied as he kissed your forehead and wrapped the blanket closer to your bodies.

But maybe Dazai should have taken your words more seriously that night. Because a few weeks later, he will find himself regretting not holding onto you tighter.

Life was cruel, Dazai knew that from a young age. Things never go according to plan. One moment you're up in the clouds, and the next you're falling head first to the ground.

That's how Dazai felt today as he got a call from the hospital.

Leaving behind his work at the agency and rushing over to you in a panic, Dazai felt his world slowly crumble to pieces as he saw the state you were in.

"What happened?" Dazai asked the doctor as he stood still at the doorway of your room. Dazai's eyes were blank as he listened to the doctor explaining that you suddenly fainted in the middle of the street. That it was probably due to the strain in your heart, a terminal illness that Dazai had no idea you had.

But maybe he already knew. He saw you multiple times trying to take some medicine in secret, as if you were afraid of letting Dazai see. At one time he found a bottle of pills in your cabinet but he didn't dare ask what it was for.

It was silly, how you two were so alike, how you also masked your own pain by that beautiful smile of yours.

When the doctor had finished and left, Dazai approached your bed and sat by your side. Even with your eyes closed and your lips not the usual shade of pink, Dazai still found you beautiful and he simply stared at you, waiting for you to wake up.

When you come to, the first thing you see is the familiar tousle of Dazai’s hair as he laid his head on your hospital bed. You felt your words get caught up in your throat and your hand flinch.

“Belladonna?” Dazai called out groggily, having woken up by your movement.

Immediately, as you lock eyes with him, you felt your tears forming and falling at the corner of your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Was all you could say as you cried. You felt horrible, both physically and emotionally. All this time you had kept this a secret from him, from someone who has been so honest with you from the start. You apologized over and over again, not knowing what else to say.

Dazai hushed you by wiping your tears away. “What are you sorry for, my belladonna?”

You force the lump down your throat as you look up at the ceiling, suddenly unable to face Dazai head on.

“For everything,” You whisper. “I know I should have told you about this. But I just…”

Dazai waited for you to continue, staying silent as he brushed his thumb across your cheeks.

You shut your eyes and cry harder, your body shaking horribly. “I didn’t want to worry you, didn’t want you to see me like this. I look and feel so helpless.”

You clutch the sheets in your hands and take a shaky breath. “All my life they told me to just stay still, to not venture out in the world. I know I don’t have long to live and I planned to listen to them and close myself off. But that was until I met you.”

You find the courage to finally face Dazai again and your heart sank deeper as you see the blank look in his eyes. “I became selfish. Ever since I met you, I suddenly wanted to live. I wanted to experience everything life had to offer. I wanted to fall in love, and I’m so glad that I found that in you. And I don’t regret leaving my past behind and meeting you. But…”

You reach up and hold Dazai’s cheek and that’s when you saw the familiar pain cross his eyes. “The only regret that I have now is that I put you in this position once again.”

Dazai knew what you meant and he couldn’t help the deep sigh that escapes his lips. Closing his eyes, he leans into your touch and says, “Can’t you stay with me for a little longer, Y/N?”

It was the first time in a long while that he called you by your name and it hurt so bad how sad his tone was when saying it.

“I honestly don’t know Dazai,” You admit you aren’t sure how longer you can stay with him, how longer you can live. And as you helplessly lay on the bed and hold Dazai’s hand in yours tightly, you couldn’t help but pray to all the gods to give you a little bit more time.

Life was indeed cruel and it left a bitter taste in Dazai’s mouth as he stared out the window of your shared apartment. There were a lot of things left unsaid between you two but one thing was for certain, you really didn’t want Dazai to see the pain you were hiding inside.

You only wanted him to see the good things, the beautiful things. Wanted him to enjoy life and continue on his journey. But how was he supposed to do that now? He wanted to be angry, wanted to scream at the universe for kicking him down like this over and over again, but he can’t bring himself to. He couldn’t hate you. No. Not you.

Because you were beautiful.

From the moment he first saw you, he knew how gorgeous you were from inside and out.

You were beautiful.

Every time you said you loved him with that sparkle in your eyes. Every time you called his name in that sweet voice of yours. Every time you kissed and wrapped your arms around him.

You were beautiful.

Even as you saw all the ugliness of life, you still managed to smile.

You were beautiful.

Even as you said you were sorry, with tears staining your cheeks.

You were beautiful.

Even as you said your final good bye when you thought Dazai was sound asleep by your side.

Everything about you was beautiful, and deep down, Dazai was glad he found you. He was thankful that you guided him to the light. He was happy he got to spend a significant time with you.

But no matter how beautiful your time spent with him was, he still couldn’t help but clench his fist in anger. Why did you have to leave me too?

It was a question Dazai always asked but he never found an answer. Again, for the second time in his life, someone so dear slipped away from his hands.

Sometimes he wanted to end it as well, to fall into the hands of death. But he was suddenly afraid to push through it. He was afraid to forget you, to never see you again even as he closes his eyes. He was scared to lose his precious memories of you.

Because all of it was beautiful in his eyes.

And now as he lays in bed, he doesn’t know what hurts and haunts him more; the nightmares of his past life, or the constant dreams he has of you and your beautiful smile.

#bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs angst #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs angst #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd #bsd angst #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #bsd dazai angst

[archerofthemists]

Althea and Tyrian oneshot.

ANGST. Blood, gore. Near death experiences. Love realization. You have been warned.

I'll use you as a warning sign

That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

In the time since she had joined them, Althea and Tyrian had become one of the most lethal teams in Remnant. With Salem's order, Tyrian had trained Althea in better hand to hand combat, which she was grateful for. Her bow, Death's Sigh was all but useless when she was close to an opponent. She became skilled with a set of curved knives and she made some alterations to her main weapon. 

The task should have been simple and easy. It would be four of them, Tyrian, Althea, Watts and Hazel. Tyrian and Althea after one target, Watts and Hazel after another in another part of the city. Grimm had come in acting as a perfect distraction. The deaths of their important targets would spread discourse through the people and bring even more Grimm. So easy…

And yet…

Althea's aura was low and Tyrian's was almost broken, not that he stopped fighting. They had been unexpectedly outnumbered and the toughest of the group had a Semblance that blocked all emotions. Althea had to admit, it was a nice Semblance when fighting. No one could get under your skin with banter and it could let you do certain things without flinching. 

But considering it made her own Semblance useless against him, it really pissed her off.

She and Tyrian had taken down most of the team, who lay dead or badly injured. The only two left standing were their target and her emotionless teammate. 

Althea had lost her daggers while taking down the other three opponents and she had no opportunity to retrieve them so she'd fallen back on her bow despite the closeness of her enemies. 

Althea drew back her bowstring and turned to aim it at their original target, who was swinging her dust battle axe, ready for the arrow. 

Tyrian had turned to attack the emotion blocking hunter, stinger whipping around ready to bury itself in his opponent's chest.

She heard the sound of a weapon breaking through the air just a second before she felt the impact from behind. The pain was immediate, spreading through Althea's side.

She never got the chance to release her arrow. Althea looked down to see the end of a jagged spear protruding from her lower abdomen. Blood seeped through her clothing and trickled down her leg as she dropped her bow.

Her mind went to Tyrian, and she glanced over her shoulder and felt her stomach clench. 

The spear belonged to the emotionless behemoth. He had thrown it before Tyrian leapt to attack him. 

The spear had pierced Tyrian's side before it had hit Althea through the back. Now here they stood, a long, jagged glass spear buried in them both.

Althea knew heavy internal damage had been done and she hardly felt it as she fell to the ground, too weak to stand her ground. 

Her ears hardly register the sound of her enemies fleeting footsteps and the sound of Grimm attacking the city.

What did cut through the haze were Tyrian's soft whimpers of pain and wheezing. 

Althea managed to turn over to face him, it hurt like something otherworldly but she did it. 

"Tyr…" she reached out and took his free hand. The other was pressed against his deep and ragged wound. 

And I'll use you as a focal point

So I don't lose sight of what I want

Tyrian barely felt the wound as he lay there in shock. Althea's gentle hand made him flinch before he looked to her.

"We...failed…" he choked out. "We failed...our Queen…"

"I know...I know…" Althea gasps out. The pain was excruciating and she could hardly think. "We did...the best...we could…"

"Not enough...we weren't good enough…" Tyrian whimpers. His wound hadn't neared any internal organs but the flesh wound was deep and he was losing blood.

Althea managed to crawl to him, closing the distance completely and gently taking Tyrian's cheek in her bloody hand.

"Don't worry about that now...ok?" She says softly, her green eyes never leaving his golden ones, which were starting to fill with tears.

Tyrian wondered if her eyes had always been such a beautiful green…so full of life even as she lay dying beside him.

He could hear his heart thudding in his ears and he let his bloody hand leave his wound to gently rest on Althea's. 

Death didn't seem so bad when you weren't dying all alone. If there was another side, maybe he would see her there…

And I've moved further than I thought I could

But I missed you more than I thought I would

"Where ARE THEY?!" Watt's and Hazel were at the rendezvous point. They needed to leave the city NOW. 

They couldn't get a response over their earpieces, and they knew something had gone terribly wrong.

Watt's first instinct was to just leave the city with Hazel and get back home to Evernight Castle, but he knew there was a high risk of Salem's wrath if they did that. Returning with only half the team and not knowing if the second target had been eliminated?  Unforgivable failure. 

And not that Watts would admit it, but he would feel guilty leaving his teammates behind, not knowing what had become of them.

"Let's go find them." Hazel stood, looking determined. 

It truly didn't take long to accomplish that. Watts and Hazel already knew what section of the city Tyrian and Althea were supposed to be in for their ambush, so it was just a question of looking in every alley and street.

It was Hazel who found them. He was sure they were already dead by the looks of them. Curled together in a large pool of their mingling blood.

"DOCTOR!"

Watts swallowed hard at the sight and he shoved his feelings aside, letting himself slip into the zone that doctors had to get into in emergency situations.  

Althea was unconscious and her pulse was almost non existent. Tyrian's body jolted when Watts checked for his pulse and his eyes fluttered open a little. He groaned deeply as  he felt the doctors hands probe and assess his wound which wasn't nearly as severe as Althea's. Watts worried that one of her kidneys could have been punctured. 

"Hazel, do you think you can carry them both out of here?" Watts asks as he opens his medicine bag and desperately tried to get Althea stable with what he had.

"I'll carry em all the way back home if you need me to." Hazel tried to keep a poker face but eventually he had to look away from the bloody scene.

And I'll use you as a warning sign

That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

It was like floating. Floating on an ocean as the pain rose and fell with the current. Tyrian felt hands on his body, and they were hurting him, but he didn't have an ounce of strength to fight off the enemy. He was already dying so what more could they do to him?

He accepted the pain, it was a good and familiar friend to him.

Soon his head felt fuzzy, like his brain had been removed and replaced with cotton. Tyrian could hardly put a coherent thought together in his head, and that was a hard enough task when he was conscious. 

He felt numb and weak but safe. He was somewhere familiar and warm. 

When his eyes finally open his vision is blurry. Well, blurrier than it normally is. The only light was from the moon shining in through the window above his bed. 

This isn't his room, he knows that immediately; there weren't any windows in his room. 

It took Tyrian a long while to get his bearings at all. 

He now could tell he was in Watts lab, in the little recovery room that sat just off where the doctor did experiments and surgeries. Tyrian had woken up in this bed plenty of times in the past, considering how often he could seriously hurt himself sometimes.

IV needles stuck out of his arms, feeding blood and fluids into his veins. Tyrian hissed softly. He could handle pain, loved it sometimes but needles always made his skin crawl. He wanted to yank them out but his limbs felt too heavy and his fingers wouldn't cooperate. 

He huffs as he lets his head fall back against the pillow.

His mind was still foggy and he couldn't quite remember how he had ended up here…

The mission...his target...He remembered fighting, killing, the blood and screaming…what else? 

The alley.

The ambush.

The spear.

Althea…

Tyrian suddenly felt very sobered as he forced himself into a sitting position. His side protested and he groaned, feeling the fresh bandages wrapped around his lower midsection. 

His hair was unbraided, falling in oak brown waves over his shoulders and along his face.

 His head swam for a moment, which he wouldn't have minded if he didn't have more important things to worry about.

He finally managed to swing his legs over the side of the bed and reached out and gripped the white dividing curtain and tore it aside.

Tyrian released a breath he hadn't realized he'd even been holding.

There, in the other hospital bed, Althea was hooked up to even more IVs and machines than Tyrian. She wore the same bandages across her middle and her breathing was ragged, a tube across her nose forced oxygen into her lungs.

Tyrian let his body relax as he sat on the edge of his bed and he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

He wasn't sure how he'd gotten back or how Watt's had managed to save them both. Even if Tyrian's wound hadn't been as bad, he knew he'd lost a lot of blood. But honestly Tyrian didn't care. They were both alive and nothing else mattered.

However as Tyrian sat there, watching Althea's chest rise and fall, he began to realize that they had failed the mission given by their Goddess. His heart began to pound as he wondered what punishment they may face. Merely disappointing her was bad enough.

He realized that he was more worried about Althea - her condition and her possible punishment- more than anything.  But why? Why was Tyrain so worried anyway? Why had he been so frantic to know if she was alive?

Why was watching her bleed to death beside him one of the most heart wrenching things he'd witnessed?

Was this love? Actual love he was feeling? No of course not, Tyrian knew what love felt like. He loved his Goddess. Loved causing chaos and killing.

So why did this feel so much different? So strong, that his chest ached?

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be

Right in front of me

Talk some sense to me

He swallowed the lump in his throat and he realized tears had begun to spill down his cheeks. He wipes them away with the back of his hand and chokes softly. No this couldn't be right…

But he looks back at her, looking so weak and vulnerable. 

He cautiously slipped out of bed, his tail peeking out under the hem of the stiff hospital gown he'd been dressed in and he managed to crawl into Althea's bed, gently, not wanting to wake her. 

As Tyrian settled down close to her all he could picture was her dying next to him. How calm she had been, even calming him. 

He gently touched his bandage and mused at how they'd have complementary scars.

Althea whimpered in her sleep and Tyrian slipped his arms around her as tight as he dared and let her head lay on his chest. Althea murmured softly and Tyrian heard his name on her lips.

"I'm here…" he whispered against her ear. "I'm right here."

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be

Right in front of me

Talk some sense to me

#rwby tyrian #tyrian callows #tyrian #althea lynch #althea #poison arrow #oc #myoc #rwbyoc #oneshot #angst #near death #near death experience #i found #amber run #lyrics #music #music inspiration #rwby althea

[renee-writer]

A Boy"s Gonna Run But. A Real Man's Gonna Stay Chapter 6 Declarations

’Did she just say, ‘’I love you?’’ Jamie thinks as he looks down at his heart, his light. ‘’As do I Claire.’’ Her smile is intoxicating and he can do nothing else but kiss her. It is tender, at first, but they are pressed together on her bed. He deepens it and she moans. He is lost. Their tongues tangle. He pulls away with a deep groan a few minutes later.

Her honey eyes are almost brown with desire. ‘’Claire love, I don’t want to push. Your pace. Tell me what to do. What do want?’’

‘’You. I want you. But Jamie, not yet ah..’’

‘’No, I hear you.’’ He is a bit relieved. He hadn’t told her his own history. He has laid with a lass. But only one. His experience is quite limited. ‘’Claire I've something to tell you before we go farther. I've only lain with one lass. Kissed and..well others but, I've not much experience.’’

‘’I’ve none. I am a virgin. There just hasn’t been anyone who I felt comfortable given my whole self to. Kisses and, as you say. Just not intercourse.’’ She is blushing when done and lowers her head back on his chest.

‘’Nothing to be embarrassed about. Oh, my love, you are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen.’’

‘’Hold me Jamie. Will you hold me?’’ He pulls her even closer and kisses her red cheeks. She lifts up and he retakes her lips before moving down her neck. He whispers Gaelic against her skin as she moans out his name. He retakes her lips and she wraps her arms around his back. He does the same. Legs are equally tangled and their kisses get desperate. Then the is a knock on the door. They both hear Lamb call out.

‘’Claire bear.’’ Jamie grins at the nickname even as he wills his body to calm down.

‘’One minute Uncle Lamb.’’ They hurry up and Jamie heads towards the kitchen. He leans against the counter, straightened his clothes and willing his cock stand down. Claire is straightening hers as she heads to the door.

‘’Good morning Claire. Looks like you slept well. Hello Jamie, you also.’’ His eyes drift to the couch then back to them. He notices the kiss swollen lips with approval. It is time his niece found a decent man. ‘’Jamie, go back to your flat to shower and change. Claire you do the same. Jamie meet us at the restaurant downstairs. I am taken you out for breakfast then we are going to Blenheim Castle. They have a Christmas market and the garden is all lit up with lights. It is where Winston Churchill was born, you know.’’

Jamie leaves with a grin. ‘’I know it is none of my business, but was he a gentleman?’’ he asks his niece when he is gone.

‘’He was.’’

‘’Good. You deserve nothing less.’’

They walk hand in hand through the garden as Lamb entertains them with stories of the castle. They buy a few things at the Christmas shop before sitting down to hot tea and hot chocolate. They swap stories for awhile.

‘’I would like to invite you both to Scotland for Christmas. You can meet my da and mam, my brother and sister, William and Janet and their spouses, my nieces and nephews.’’

‘’We wouldn’t want to impose.’’ Lamb says.

‘’You wouldn’t be Mr. Beauchamp. You could learn the history of the place. Lallybroch has been in my family for 300 years.’’

‘’300 years, you say. Well, what do you say Claire?’’

‘’I would love to.’’

‘’Jamie we gratefully accept your offer.’’

‘’Wonderful sir.’’

‘’But you mustn’t call me sir nor mister. Lamb or Uncle Lamb will do. I am no sir nor laird. I've a lecture series in Cambridge but I will be back at the end of winter quarter. We will make plans to head to Scotland together, yes? I leave you love in Jamie's capable hands.’’ He kisses her cheek and is off.

They study together before heading to her flat for dinner. After they sit on the couch and talk. Claire tells him stories of her Uncle Lamb, him of his siblings. After a bit the heat that is on constant low simmer between then, raises up. They are soon kissing.

She works her hands under his shirt. He pulls away when she starts tugging on it. ‘’Can I take it off?’’ she asks. He nods and she lifts it off him. Lord, is he beautifully made. She runs her hands over him and feels him shiver under her touch.

‘’Claire, may I?’’

‘’Yes.’’

He lifts her own shirt off and she takes off her bra. She then meets his eyes.

‘’Beautiful. You are so beautiful.’’ He retakes her lips as his hands explore the softness of her bared back before working around. Her gasp as he cups her, working his fingers over her nipples, has him longing the see what other noises she can make. He kisses down before reaching his goal. He discovers she tastes as sweet as she looks.

‘’Oh Jamie! Yes!’’ she breathes out as he lays her flat and settles in to make her crazy. He suckles and licks as his hand worked the other one. Her groans get louder as she jerks against him. Her whole body shudders and he looks at her in wonder. He finds her eyes dazed and knows he is right. She had climaxed with just nipple play. He is still watching her as tears of joy and relief run down her face.

#my writing #modern au #a boy's gonna run but a real man's gonna stay #declarations #outlander fanfic #outlander fandom

[wwenhlimagines]

"Don't worry baby girl, I've got you." - Finn Balor Requested by @melissashecklerstyles

One day, while you were sitting on your couch watching tv, you get a text from your boyfriend, Finn Balor. Finn - Hey babygirl, are you free tonight? I miss you, love. 😢 Y/N - I miss you too babe. What do you have in mind? 😚 Finn - I want to show you off, so dinner at (insert fancy restaurant here)? 🍾 Y/N - Perfect! 😘 Finn - I’ll pick you up at 6pm. 😁 Y/N - Can’t wait to see you in a suit 😜 Finn - You’ll be looking delicious in that dress I got you. Maybe I’ll skip dessert at the restaurant 😋 Your heart started to race as you pictured it in your mind. Finn would be so excited to take this next step in your relationship, but how would he react when you tell him you’re a virgin? Y/N - I’ve got cookies here 😁 You facepalmed as soon as you hit send. He’s trying to flirt and you’re acting completely oblivious over text. You have been texting Finn dirty thoughts while he’s on the road, especially when you watch RAW. You have been so confident over text, but in real life you’re scared out of your mind. Finn looks like he was made in a factory or something with you being able to see every delicious muscle in his body. You know that with a body like that, he’s definitely had a lot of experience in the bedroom, but you have only gone as far as over the clothes touching with anyone. Even though Finn is the sweetest boyfriend and you think he is the one, you’re scared that he might walk away when he hears about your inexperience. You think you are ready to give yourself to him, but still so scared to lose him. Trying to shake off the thoughts in your head, you watch some YouTube videos and soon your phone rings from another text message from Finn. Finn - I bet your cookie is delicious 😜 Your breath catches in your throat as you stare at that stupid little emoji. How is he so damn cute and dirty at the same time? Y/N - Maybe you’ll find out soon 🍪 “Damn it! What the fuck am I doing? He’s going to expect it now. Why can’t I resist his dirty talk? I want him so bad, but I’m such a scaredy cat.” You yelled at yourself as you pace back and forth around your living room. After a few minutes, you finally take a few deep breaths and decide to go to the gym for two reasons. 1. To distract yourself from the whole situation. 2. If he’s going to see you naked, you want to look your best. After a good workout, you come home and take a shower, taking your time to fully prepare yourself for tonight by shaving and using your favorite body wash. Getting out of the shower, you wrap a towel around you and make your way to your closet. You find the maroon velvet dress that Finn had bought you end lay it out on your bed as you search for the right bra and panty combo for it. Once everything is laid out, you return to the bathroom and play some music as you prep your hair and makeup. It’s 5:45 when you finish hair and makeup, so you dance around a bit before putting on your dress. You look in the mirror and smile at the way it fits your body. You couldn’t believe that even without seeing you naked yet, Finn somehow already knew what size and shape to get to flatter your figure the best. Soon enough, the doorbell rings and you grab your clutch with your phone, lipstick, wallet, and keys before opening the door. Finn was stood there with a single red rose and that dorky smile on his face until he saw your dress. He bit his lip as he handed you the rose and took your other hand in his to twirl you around. “You’re looking absolutely stunning baby.” You giggle and kiss him, “And you’re looking dashing babe.” He chuckles as you turn around to lock up and he escorts you to his car. “Your chariot awaits m'lady.” He opens the door for you and then climbs in himself and starts to drive. It was a 15 minute ride to the restaurant, so you talked about work and cracked a few jokes. He interlaced your fingers with his and placed them on your leg, so that at every stoplight he could pick them up and kiss your knuckles. When you arrive at the restaurant, he helps you out of the car and tells the maitre d the reservation name before you are led back to your table. You start to look at the menu when the waitress comes over to take your drink order. Finn tells her to bring out a bottle of wine and some water so you nod back and she walks off. Your waitress was gorgeous and you thought about how Finn could do so much better than you. You got so caught up in your thoughts that Finn grabbing your hand to signal your drinks arrived and to move your menu out of the way startled you. “Are you okay sweetheart?” You blush and nod, “Sorry, I just spaced out for a second.” He smiles and the waitress asks if you’re ready to order. Finn looks to you and even though you forgot to actually read the menu you nodded anyways. She turned to you first and you chose the first thing you could find on the menu before giving it back to her as Finn ordered his food. She smiled and nodded as she went to place our orders. “So what’s going on in that pretty brain of yours?” You blush as he now takes ahold of both of your hands with a smile on his face. “Just thinking about how lucky I am.” “You’re telling me. I scored the freaking jackpot when you agreed to go out with me.” You giggle and look away slightly. “There’s that gorgeous smile that I love.” You blush and change the subject back to work. He tells you about the plans for the next couple weeks and soon enough your food arrives. You try to eat as much as you can but you are so nervous about tonight that you barely touch your plate. “Does it not taste good, because you can get something else?” “No, I guess I just had a big lunch.” Finn eyes you suspiciously but agrees to let it slide. The waitress returns and you ask if you can take the food home so she packs it up and brings the check with it. You try to reach for it so you can pay your share, but Finn beats you to it. “Don’t worry babygirl, I’ve got you.” You sigh and excuse yourself to the restroom. You do your business and then stare at yourself in the mirror trying to prepare for the night ahead of you. A girl comes out of another stall and sees you in a daze, so she asks, “Is everything okay girl?” You nod, “Yeah, just nervous.” “What are you nervous about?” You check that there are no other girls in there and then decide to tell this random stranger about your problems. “Well, my boyfriend and I probably going to take a big step in our relationship tonight, but I’m scared he will be disappointed.” She frowns a bit, “How could he be disappointed when you look like that?” You giggle, “Well, he bought this for me.” She waves her hands in the air dramatically. “Wait…so you’re telling me that he brought you to this fancy restaurant and bought you this bomb dress, and yet you’re nervous about doing it? Girl, he’s basically wifed you up already so I know he loves you even if he hasn’t said it yet.” You blush and hid your face. “I promise you sweetheart, everything will be fine and he will still love you no matter what.” “But I’ve never…done it before.” “Great! Men love to know that you have truly given yourself to them. Plus, they hate thinking about being compared to your exes.” You nod, “Okay, but I know he’s very experienced.” “That means he will be willing to take it slow and he’ll want to make sure you’re enjoying it the whole time.” You take a deep breath and take one last look in the mirror. “Okay, I think I’m ready. Thank you so much!” You give her a quick hug and she laughs, “You’re welcome sweetheart, now go get him!” You walk out of the bathroom to see Finn waiting just outside the door with your food in hand. “Is everything okay baby? You were in there a while.” You kiss him quickly and smile, “I ran into a friend and we got carried away talking. I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” He smiles and grabs your hand starting to walk out, “I’d wait a million years for you.” You look away as you blush to see the girl from the restroom walk out and give you 2 thumbs up. You wave goodbye to her and walk out to the car with Finn. The drive home was about the same as the drive there and when you arrived, you got out of the car, grabbed your food, and walked up to the door with Finn by your side. You unlocked the door and he let you go in first. Once you were inside, you put your leftovers in the fridge. As you shut the refrigerator door, Finn’s hands slid around your waist and he kissed your cheek. “Have you told you how beautiful you look tonight?” You lean back into him and sigh, “Maybe, but tell me more.” His lips started to trail down towards your neck, “Your hair is so soft and silky, your skin so smooth I want to kiss every inch.” He turns you around, “Your eyes are sparkling like a diamond and your lips as plush as a pillow I want to rest mine on forever.” He slowly kisses your lips as your hands rest on his chest playing the with collar of his suit as his start to roam slowly along your spine pulling you closer as the kiss deepens. You bit his lip and he groans as his hands slide down to your ass. Yours finding their way to the back of his neck as you press your chests together. Your tongues dance together as you start to walk towards your bedroom. You pull away and drag Finn behind you until you end up outside your room. He picks you up bridal style and carries you over the threshold and gently places you on the bed. He takes off his suit jacket and shoes before he lays down next to you as you smile at each other just enjoying the moment. You lean back in and catch his lips in a kiss as his hand travels down your leg and gently hooks it around his waist. He then rolls onto you and hooks the other one too. You kick off your heels and weave your fingers into his hair earning a low groan as you tug gently. Finn’s fingers brush your hair out of your face and off your body as he trails his lips down to your neck. Your fingers start to unbutton his shirt as his explore your curves slowly almost as if he is memorizing every little detail. You slide his shirt off and you run your fingers along his abs before they make contact with his pants. You unbuckle them and push them down enough so he can kick them off. He sits up and stares down at your dress but he sees worry in your face. Leaning forward, he whispers in your ear. “You’re so gorgeous baby. We don’t have to go any further if you don’t want to.” You shake your head, “I want to but I’m just nervous.” He rolls over so he is laying next to you. “Why are you nervous baby? It’s just me.” “I know but…it’s my first time.” His eyes widen a bit out of shock but he quickly readjust, “Are you sure you want me to be your first?” You nod, “Honestly that’s the only thing I’m sure about. I trust you and I can’t imagine my life without you.” He smiles and kisses you lightly. “Baby, my life wouldn’t be complete without you. You’re my everything sweetheart. I love you Y/N.” You blush and kiss him back, “I love you too Finn.” He smiles, “So babygirl, can I make love to you tonight?” You nod your head and he kisses you with the utmost passion. “Now, can I see what’s underneath this dress?” You nod as he pulls it up and off of your body. He smiles when he sees your matching bra and panty combo. Kisses start on your collarbone and he travels down to your cleavage. He kisses all over the top and looks at you for approval before he unclips your bra unveiling your entire top half to him. Your arms try to cover you up, but Finn pulls them away as he kisses around each breast and sucks each nipple into his mouth for just a second. You start to moan and he moves his kisses down your stomach as he hooks his fingers into the sides of your panties. He places open mouth kisses over your panties on your clit and entrance then pulls them down as his lips travel to your thighs. His hands lightly push your legs apart as his lips inch closer to your center. Finn’s fingers stroke up and down your slit lightly before circling your clit. Your moans pick back up as he breathes onto your clit and moves his fingers down to your opening. He kisses your clit and his tongue starts to circle it as his finger starts to push into you. You shift a bit at the new feeling but settle in as his finger slides in completely. His finger then curls up and you moan as he hits the spot. He sucks your clit when he pulls his fingers back out to add a second one. This time there is a bit of pain but it goes away fairly quick. His fingers curl again and your moans get louder and more frequent. Your fingers slide into his hair and you start to feel a pressure build up in your core. A few seconds later, you let out a real loud moan and your back arches as your legs clamp around Finn’s head. Once your orgasm dies down, Finn lifts his head and smiles seeing your post orgasm face for the first time. “That’s my new favorite facial expression of yours.” You smile as he pulls his boxers off and you try to sit up to return the favor. “Not right now baby, tonight is about you. So just lay down and relax. Don’t worry baby girl, I’ve got you.” The second time tonight he has said that and you know he means every word. You nod and lay down as he finds a condom and puts it on. “Okay baby, this will hurt a little, so tell me if it’s too much.” You take a deep breath as his tip starts to push inside you. Finn leans forward so that he can kiss your forehead to help you relax. He continues to push in until he has filled you up. Your face is scrunched up in pain so he kisses your temple, cheeks, nose, and jaw until he finds your lips. You kiss him back and as you relax the pain goes away. You pull away for a moment, “You can move now.” He smiles and pulls out slowly before pushing back in. His lips catch yours again and soon you are moaning into his mouth at the feeling. His hips start to thrust faster and your fingers scratch lightly down his back as you feel that same build up. You pull away from the kiss, “I’m going to cum again.” “Me too baby. Look at me so I can see your beautiful face as you cum.” You stare into each other’s eyes as your mouths hang slightly open moaning each other’s names. Eventually, your back arches again and Finn’s thrusts slow down as he releases. You kiss him again as he slowly pulls out. Your breathing starts to normalize and then you roll over to cuddle into his side. He wraps his arms around your body and kisses your head. You look up at him and smile as he stares up at the ceiling. “Thank you Finn.” He chuckles, “No, thank you Y/N. That was amazing.” You giggle, “Even though it was my first time?” He kisses you passionately, “When it’s with the one who completes you, nothing can compare to it. This was the best because it was with the woman I will love for the rest of my life.” You tear up a bit at his confession and kiss him again before fall asleep on his chest.

#finn balor imagine #finn balor #finn balor smut

[a-mutual-killing]

Tell me something sad? Please? Lately I've been sort of hovering over some kind of brink and I just need /something/ and I like the way you phrase stuff whenever you post your personal stories but I really, really just need something sad I think. Please?

i’ll tell you something nice before i tell you something sad:

i’ve been in love with my friend’s brother for the longest time. i’m talking i first met him when i was around eleven and haven’t stopped being in love with him since. 

anyway, a few weeks ago, he’d come into the restaurant i work at and we were making small talk when he mentioned that he’d gotten a job at the new aquarium they built the town over and how his favorite part of it is feeding the otters and just generally playing with them. we laughed over a story about how one of them bit his bum because it was upset that he hadn’t yet given it a fish. then he goes, “i’d really love to show them to you, i think you’d really enjoy it.” the way he said it made my heart fill up my entire body and turned me into a puddle because it was so fucking intimate and gentle and sweet are you kidding me. i shoved those feelings aside because it’s kind of a dick thing to flirt with your friend’s brother, especially when your friend knows you’re something of a slut. i told myself he meant it in a friendly manner. 

skipping ahead to today, i found out that we’d been mutually pining over each other, repressing whatever feelings popped up because, like a bunch of idiots, we didn’t want to put his sister in a weird spot. 

i’m to go with him for a private tour of the aquarium on friday and i think i’m going to sink through the floor i’m so, so, so very excited. 

here’s the sad bit:

(i waffled about whether this would be the right thing to share or if it was crossing some kind of weird boundary i’d drawn between myself and this site. i’ve kind of flitted around this before, though, and i think, despite it being very personal, it’s very prevalent right now for me and it’s good to share those things. i’ll consider this as throwing it away, or donating my grief to you, used as it is, junk as it might be to anyone without the sentimental connection i have to it.)

it’s not a secret that around this time last year/early this year (the year before last, too) i was very, very seriously contemplating killing myself. what i did keep close to my chest, however, is how i worked my way through that, excluding shame and guilt, or ego and what have you. 

i don’t know why this instance sticks out so prominently for me when the rest of that time blurs together, but one day i was laying in my bed, wedged between the wall and the mattress, the springs of the box spring digging into my ribs and my breath fetid and my hair greasy. i remember staring out across the garbage piled up on my floor for hours before turning away from it, disgusted by myself. my eyes fell on the ghastly rainbow ceiling fan hanging precariously over the bottom of my bed. 

i had this image, vision, whatever, of pulling myself up, tossing something over the fan blades and stepping off into nothingness. i didn’t have a picture in my head of what i’d use, if it was a rope or a blanket twisted into something skinny enough to tie into a noose. i didn’t know what i was to be stepping off of, if it was my bed, an open drawer of my bureau. i just knew that it was over as soon as it had stated but i was left with this terrible uneasy feeling because i swear i felt my muscles act out those motions, felt my throat and chin screaming, the base of my neck raw. if it hadn’t been for the springs still poking me, i don’t think i would have been able to tell what was real and what was fake. 

i scoffed at myself, ignoring the tears slowly leaking down my face, and turned back to my initial position, this time staring at the wall in front of me instead of my trash. i laughed about how even if the distance was great enough for me to successfully hang myself (i couldn’t tie my hair up in my room because every time i did, i’d bump it against the light bulb in the middle of that damned rainbow fixture), the fucking thing would come out of the ceiling under my weight. 

i think i stared at that wall for a minute or two before my fingers started itching and my mouth felt raw from all the things trying to claw their way out of me. i sat up and lifted a pile of loose leaf paper into my lap and started writing. 

i don’t know if it was that i’d remembered my older sister going to therapy and us having to write fake eulogies for her, in turn getting a letter filled with things she’d say to us before she died if she could; or if i was remembering how in a course i’d taken we’d had to write letters to people thanking them for their place in our lives, having the choice to send it or not and learning that it helps to just spit everything out sometimes; maybe it was something reminding me that my youngest sibling used to always tell me i should write an autobiography or something; but for whatever reason, what i wrote was a letter to my youngest sibling. i felt better after i’d written it. i started writing letters to them constantly, sometimes daily, sometimes spaced over weeks or months.

this is a a chunk from the one i wrote january 30th, 2019, the only bit of it i have in my possession, actually (some parts of it might be confusing because i’m not giving you the background pieces required to really sink into it, but i don’t think that’s important): 

Looking back, life seems somewhat easy, doesn’t it? Or have I wrapped an ugly thing once more in a beautiful packaging, decorated a molding cake in bright coloring to hide the fact that it is, indeed, rotted? I have a propensity to do so. 

I know there must have been bad times, just as there must be something I have a fond memory of, but they all just blur together. I know bad things have happened - I can recount them. I know there have been good experiences - I can recall those, too. I can’t, though, remember the emotions in them beyond what I imagine life through the eyes of a doll would be. Surely I have laughed and cried, but the constant pressure in my head makes those times feel dull and unreal. It’s dissociation, I know. I wonder who I would be without it, if I didn’t feel strangely removed from everything.  Every time I smile, it feels like something is pulling up the corners of my mouth from over my shoulders. It’s hard to cry. 

Sometimes, I think about the way you seem hesitant to laugh. I take in the way you avoid people’s gazes one day and then make nothing but eye contact the next. I wonder if you’ve experienced the same things I have. Has anybody told you your laugh is too big? Your eyes are too unsettling? I know they’ve tried to shame the anger out of you. I’m glad they haven’t managed that yet. Your anger is, sometimes, the only thing you have to keep you going, and there should never be a moment where you are ashamed of that. 

I wonder, too, if I’m just weak. I know it’s embarrassing for me to look at my younger [sibling] and envy the way you seem to carry on despite the weight laid over your shoulders. It should be the other way around, shouldn’t it? You most definitely shouldn’t have had to grow up so fast. I wonder if you will be drawn into the same deep pond i’m currently tied to the bottom of. Will you surround yourself with stuffed animals and soft blankets with even softer pajamas just to give you a tactile reminder that the world is real, that you are real? I hope not. One of the things I hate most about myself is the way I can never seem to get over stroking my fingers across surfaces just to experience their presence and therefore know that my own is real. 

I wonder when I become so needy? When did I start needing to feel things just to assure myself of my own being? I remember life used to unapologetically fill every crater in my being; I used to take up more space than I needed and laugh at the people who would push me to be smaller; my laugh would be as loud as my joy was big; my eyes were just my eyes. I wonder when my shoulders gained this stoop. When did my laugh change from earth shattering to airy? Why are my eyes no longer just eyes? 

My hands are no longer steady, like they were the first letter to you. My eyes are still dry, though there is a prickling behind my lids. My organs have stopped trying to push their way out of my mouth - they’ve settled for the base of my throat, and to be curled in my sternum. Is it the thought of weakness that’s making it so? Is it the thought of how you might take it? Is my body trying to tell my mind it’s not ready to die just yet?  I wonder why being weak unsettles me more than the thought of death. Is it because death hasn’t been a stranger to me in such a long time? You and he have crossed paths more often than you should have, as well. Do you no longer shy away from his company? 

Uncle John died not but thirty-six days ago. You’ve had friends die. Will it crush you if your sister dies, as well? I hope not. It isn’t your fault. Your grief shouldn’t be your ruin. 

Should I tell you some of my grief? I’ve carried it around for a while. Maybe it will help you to know about it. Maybe not. I don’t know if I’m ready for anyone to know it so intimately. Perhaps that’s why I’ve gotten to this point. I can’t exactly hate myself for it. I’ve always been greedy - what’s one more thing to keep for myself?

[whatever i’d written between these is lost to me]

Regardless of how I’ve treated you, know that I’ve cherished you. 

Regretfully, 

[My Name]

this is from march 25th, 2019:

It’s 10:44 p.m. right now. I woke up three hours ago. I know I won’t fall asleep for another nineteen. 

I’m so cold. All the time. “That’s nothing new, [My Name],” you’ll say, “you’re always cold.” This is different. It doesn’t go away, no matter how many layers I put on or how close I sit to the heater, it doesn’t go away. Maybe it’s inaccurate to call it a chill. There’s just this wrongness settled in my flesh that I can’t get rid of. It makes my fingertips tingle. 

I’ve just finished crying into a bowl of cucumbers - the only thing I’ve eaten today. It was over a TED talk, but I’m not so sure how much of it was because of the talk and how much of it was because of me.

those are the only bits i have with me here and, see, i’ve since stopped writing those ‘letters’ (😂 in the one from march, i go on a tangent about how i’m not even sure what i’m writing anymore, or who i am writing them for)–i can’t even remember when the last time i did was–but the thing that’s nausea inducing about the whole thing is that the rest of whatever i’d written is still in my room, at my parents house. the room that they’ve been steadily pawing through for the past however long. my mother is going to read those letters and for some reason i feel disgusted thinking about it. 

maybe it’s only sad for me, personally, but who knows, bro. 

#anonymous #tw: suicidal ideation #long post #if youd like to chat about whats bugging you im always around dude #and im sorry its not a story i just dont think i have the mental fortitude to pick apart my grief and package it like i do those #like it hurts to dwell on that part of my life and its all so hazy anyway that i barely remember what happened #hopefully you got whatever you wanted though #i hate those precipical moments