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choke-me-joey · 1 year

Text

Ch1/Ch2

Summary: As Joe's long-term girlfriend, you reflect on your relationship over the last 4 years.

Content warning: 18+ so minors are not welcome, real person fiction (don't like, don't read, don't bitch), smut, fluff, angst, probably inaccurate timelines and processes but does anyone really care?, alcohol use, smoking...if I've missed anything please let me know!!

Author's note: when I was deep in my Dan and Phil phase I wrote this, published it on AO3 and then took it down so before anyone says "Hey this looks familiar" don't panic, I'm not stealing anyone's work and I can prove it lmao. Thanks to @harrys-four-nipples for reading this first chapter and telling me it wasn't as shit as I thought. Love you girl 🥰 feedback is always appreciated, let me know if you'd like me to continue this!

Paris

December 2022

After the craziest year anyone could ever imagine, exploring and staying in a variety of hotels across the globe, the last convention of 2022 was finally happening. You had been by your boyfriend's side the entire time; your job as a freelance photographer/social media specialist pretty much allowed you to travel anywhere and everywhere and luckily Joe's team were on board with you providing his official con photos and managing his social media. But as ideal as that sounds, it hadnt been easy.

It had been one of the best experiences of your life, watching the man that you love so, so much bring so much joy to the millions of people around the world who adored him. Despite being at every convention, watching all the fan interactions and all the panels, you were never bored. It hadn't all been perfect though, in fact it had been extremely trying at times, what with Joe being so damn exhausted there was barely any 'you' time, or fans getting a little bit too crazy at the meet and greets, but you wouldn't have traded it for the world.

You'd think that being cooped up on planes, in hotel rooms and travelling constatnly for months on end, spending almost every waking minute of the day together would have seriously damaged your relationship, but in all honesty, it brought you and Joe closer together. Sure, there have been times where you’ve wanted to smother each other with the shitty hotel pillows, but what couple doesn't argue? Without the option of slamming the bedroom door shut and sulking, you've learnt to just talk it out, and move on, and things have just gotten better and better. You had just celebrated our 4 year anniversary in Tokyo last month, and Jamie was constantly teasing you, telling you if you didn't get a ring this Christmas, you two could just run away together instead.

Of course, Joe had gotten super salty at the joke, seemingly never being able to escape the never ending question from his family and friends of when he was finally going to pop the question. He didn't need it from Jamie now too. He was going to do it, he just didn't want to rush it after all.

As it was the last con of 2022, Joe's team had given you some time off to just enjoy the convention, acknowledging that you had worked through your anniversary in Japan. This meant you could actually walk around the con and hang out with some of your friends, and enjoy the panels, which you were grateful for. You had some time to chat with Joe's dad too, which was always a good time, you got on so well with him and it was nice to see just how proud he was of his son.

Although you had been together for 4 years now, you and Joe weren't quite comfortable with going public with your relationship just yet. Joe had sky rocketed to fame overnight and his fanbase could be a little...intense. They went into a frenzy if he was spotted within 5 feet of another girl, and said girls were always stalked and harassed online and Joe didn't want that for you. You'd been pretty good at hiding it so far, most fans just thinking you were part of Joe's management team always there to keep him on schedule. It was a bit shit not being able to hold his hand or give him a hug in public but when the time was right, you both agreed you would go public.

You had headed back to the hotel a little before the con was over, Joe would no doubt get waylaid by fans outside the convention centre and you'd said you would order you both some food and run a bath for him so he could just relax now he was done for the Christmas period. New Orleans was a little after New Years so you'd have time to explore Paris, get home for Christmas and see in the New Year together.

Joe practically collapses through the door and you run to hug him, you were both desperate to touch each other after a long day of pretending to be work friends.

"Hi," you mumbled into his neck. "Last one for this year done, babe. I'm so proud of you."

He doesn't respond, he's holding onto you as if someone was threatening to take you away from him. "Babe, what's wrong?"

"I love you so much," he whispers. "Thank you."

"Joe, you don't need to thank-"

"Yeah, I do. I just thought that you've been there from the very start, and you've worked so hard, putting up with all my shit and you've been so supportive. I couldn't have done it without you." He sniffs, looking a little emotional. "Tonight was the first night I've actually been able to see you and not your camera, and knowing you were actually there, right in front of me, like, everything from the past 4 years went through my head and I could see you smiling at me, and the fans and I just..." he trails off, at a loss for words. You kiss his cheek, your own eyes welling up.

"You're such a soppy git, Joe." You tease him, but he knows you're joking.

"Shut up, you're just as soppy. " He laughs, poking you in the side gently. You poke my tongue out at him and he crosses his eyes in response, before my phone buzzes to let me know our food has been delivered to the hotel lobby. You break away from Joe, kissing his cheek and heading downstairs to grab your food.

You both scoff down your food, both of you having been way too busy to really eat a proper meal today, and then Joe gets into the bath. He tries to persuade you to join him, but honestly the bathtub here was smaller than the one at home, and even that could be a struggle to fit the both of you in, so you decline, changing into your pyjamas and watching some random show on TV and scrolling through your phone, replying to messages in the Quinn family group chat and your own family group chat.

You can't help but bite your lip in appreciation as Joe comes back into the bedroom, a towel around his waist and his curls dripping. He makes his way over to his suitcase in search for a pair of clean boxers. Your eyes scan over his bare torso, his broad shoulders, sharp collarbones, toned arms and his perfect stomach with a dusting of dark hair disappearing into the towel. He feels your eyes on him, standing up and turning around.

"What?" He smirks, stifling a yawn. You return his smirk, stretching a little.

"Nothing, just admiring my boyfriend. That alright with you?"

"Depends, can I ogle you like a pervert the next time you come out in just a towel?" Joe jokes, quickly pulling his boxers on under his towel, pulling it off and hanging it back up in the bathroom, before crawling on the bed and collapsing on his stomach, sighing heavily.

"You do anyway, I'm just more subtle about my staring, Quinn."

"You're just as pervy as me, Y/N, dont even try and pretend you're not. " he laughs, turning onto his side, pulling you down and wrapping his arm around you. You cuddle into him, burying your face in his neck.

"Difference is, Joseph, the whole Internet can see what a flirt you are, nobody has dirt on me."

"M'too tired for your smart arse right now."

"You like my smart arse." You grin into his skin, and he chuckles, the sound rumbling in his throat.

"I like your smart everything," he mumbles, kissing the top of your head. You sigh in response, enjoying the feeling of him cuddled up to you. "M'so tired. And my back is killing me."

"Did you twinge it again?"

"Mm. Hurts."

You untangle myself from him and roll off the bed, rummaging through your suitcases until you find the baby oil you always use to keep your skin moisturised after a shower. You shake it up as you walk towards the bed. "On your stomach, babe."

"That is the most terrifying thing you could say to me whilst holding baby oil." He eyes the bottle in your hands suspiciously, but does what you've said anyway.

"I believe that would actually be 'face down, ass up and just relax'." You smirk, climbing back on the bed, straddling his legs. He groans dramatically, making you roll your eyes and laugh. "You're such a drama queen, babe."

"Making a living off of it, aren't I?"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up Mr Man of the Year." You quip, opening the bottle and pour some of the oil into your hands, rubbing them together to warm it up before pressing your palms against his shoulder blades. You apply just the amount of pressure that you know he likes, rubbing his flawless skin. "That okay?"

He responds by letting out a quiet moan of approval.

"How did I get so lucky?" Joe groans into the pillow as you continue to rub his shoulders and upper back, trying your best to work out the knots in his muscles. You smile, placing a kiss to the back of his neck that makes him shiver slightly.

"You elbowed me in the tits on the Underground and made me spill my coffee all over myself." You chuckle, adjusting your position on his legs so you could massage further down.

"The one time in my whole life that me being a clumsy twat has actually worked out in my favour." Joe's voice is muffled by the pillow, but you can tell he's smiling. He grunts in pleasure as you knead his lower back gently.

"Meh, you're just lucky I thought you were hot." You teased, gently poking him in the sides. He chuckles softly. "And you were, and still can be, so socially awkward, it was endearing."

"Mm, love you." He mumbles, and you know he's slowly falling asleep by the way his body is relaxing beneath you.

"Love you too, babe." You whisper back, moving off of his back and into bed next to him, pulling the covers over both of you. Ypu push his curls back from over his face. "Always have, always will." You kiss his temple and turn off the bedside lamp, letting him sleep off the post convention exhaustion whilst you take advantage of the good selection of TV channels the hotel has.

A few hours later, you're still awake and on your phone, scrolling through Instagram, the TV long turned off. You're laid on your side facing away from your currently snoring boyfriend. Joe grumbles in his sleep and rolls over, moulding his body around yours and spooning you. You feel something poking you in your bum and smirk to yourself, wiggling your butt back against him.

"Hmm, you still awake?" Joe whispers, his voice rough with sleep and exhaustion, one of his hands running over your thigh.

"Mm, I didn't wake you up, did I?" You reply, shivering in delight as his lips graze your neck. You roll over to face him, and he moves your leg on top of his, moving your bodies closer together as he kisses you hard, his hands wandering around to your ass and squeezing it.

Oh.

You see where this is going.

"Are you sure you're up to this, Joe? You're exhausted." You say quietly, trying your best to control your breathing after you break away. Thanks to your busy schedules, it been at least two weeks since you'd last had sex. You snuck in whatever you could, but mostly it was just heavy make out sessions or occasionally a hand and/or blow job to help with Joe's anxiety levels. You were practically soaked already and he'd barely touched you.

"Never too tired for you," he mumbles, pecking your lips softly, and slowly lifting up the hem of your (his) shirt. "Off?"

You nod, and you both work together to rid you of the oversized shirt. "C'mere," he grunts, rolling you on top of him, his hands on your hips as he looks up at me.

"Lazy," you tease, your skin feeling like it's on fire as he runs his hands up your sides.

"Beautiful." He responds, giving you that little smile that makes your heart melt every time. It's a smile that only you get to see, and it's during your intimate moments like this that he smiles like that, and you fall in love with him all over again. You hum and lean down, kissing him passionately, your tongues dancing around each other. His hands return to your hips, pushing them down against his crotch as he lifts his hips up, and the friction and heat makes you both moan. You nibble on his bottom lip, which you know drives him crazy, before moving to kiss his jawline and neck, a somewhat external G-spot for him. "Fuck..."

"Well, if you want, I mean, I was just gonna suck you off and then take care of myself," you grin against his skin, and he responds by slapping your ass lightly. In return, you bite gently on his collarbone, and he grunts, the noise going straight in between your legs. "What do you want, Joe? Tell me."

"Wanna fuck you," he growls, turning his head and capturing your bottom lip between his teeth and tugging gently. "Wanna be inside you so bad, baby, please."

You whimper, nodding. Foreplay would have to wait for tonight.

You sit up and awkwardly peel off your underwear, throwing it somewhere in the room, deciding you'd find it in the morning. You gently palm Joe's cock through his boxers, making him grunt and moan your name loudly, before pulling them down his legs, and he kicks them off his feet. You take his cock into your hand, squeezing gently and stroking him a few times. "Please, baby, m'not gonna last long..." You'll let him off for that, it really has been forever since you last fucked. You reach across to the bedside table, grabbing a condom from your makeup bag (damn your birth control prescription running out before you'd realised) and tearing it open. He holds his hands out to put it on himself, but you slap them away, rolling it on him as slowly as possible, making him grit his teeth, grunt and buck his hips slightly.

Deciding to be a bit more of a tease, you hover above him for a few seconds, grinding down ever so slightly. He grips your hips so tight there will definitely be bruises in the morning, and he bites his lip, whimpering and cursing. You decide to let him off, because you want this just as much as he does, and you place the head of his cock at your dripping pussy, slowly sinking down onto him. He throws his head back and moans, a little too loudly, as do you. "God, I missed this...missed you."

"I missed you too," you sigh, placing your hands on his chest, giving yourself a bit of leverage before you start to move your hips. "Fuck, Joe, you feel so fucking good..." as much as you want this to last, you know it won't. You can already feel your orgasm growing as you grind down against him. He bucks his hips up, his cock brushing my g-spot. "Oh my god, Joe!"

"Fuck," he growls, his breathing heavy. "Faster, baby, please, I-" he cuts himself off with a moan as you obey. "Shit, fuck!"

"You're so loud," you giggle breathlessly, gasping as he places his thumb on your clit and rubs in time with your thrusts. "We're gonna get noise complai-AH, FUCK, JOE!"

"I'm the loud one, am I?" Fucking asshole.

"Shut up," You gasp, as he sits up, wrapping your legs around him and attaches his lips to your collarbone, sucking and biting as you move together. You can tell he's getting close from the way his breath is coming out in pants, and his moans are getting more desperate sounding. He rests his forehead against your shoulder, and you run your fingers through his curly hair, and he looks up at you.

"Kiss me," he whispers, and of course, you do. "M'getting close."

"Me too," you whisper back, and he reaches between you to stroke your clit. "Joe, I-"

"I know."

The room is filled with your moans, and heavy breathing as you both get closer and closer to the edge. Joe moves his hand and lies you down on the bed, so he's on top. He winks at you, and smirks as he puts your legs around his waist, and his hands either side of your head. He ducks down and kisses you softly before moving his hips, fucking you hard and fast, the way he knows you like it.

"Oh,my god Joe, I'm gonna cum!" You moan, digging your nails into his back.

"Do it, wanna feel you cum for me," he groans, and all it takes is him angling his hips just right, and you're coming, moaning his name probably way too loud, your whole body shaking. Joe curses and stills, pushing his cock inside you one last time as he cums into the condom, hard, his head dropping onto your shoulder as he whispers your name, telling you he loves you. You say it back, stroking his neck gently as he collapses on top of you, his head on your chest. "You're amazing."

"I think you'll find that's you, babe." You say breathlessly, grinning like a fool.

"I am pretty fucking good in bed, aren't I?" Joe grins, a teasing lilt to his voice.

"You always know what to say...so romantic," you roll your eyes, poking him in the tummy.

"Mhmm, you're very lucky. I mean, I even make sure you cum every single time we fuck, if that's not true love, I don't know what is." He pulls off the condom, tying it and throwing it into the bedside bin.

"Be still my beating heart!" You laugh and kiss the top of his head, rolling out from underneath him. He pouts, reaching out for you with grabby hands. "Joe, as much as I'd love to cuddle right now, I seriously need to shower after that. Wanna come with?"

"Depends, you might have to roll me, you've worn me out." he yawns, sitting up on the bed. "Besides, I already had a bath. Can't you just give me a sponge bath or something so I don't have to move?"

"Again, lazy. And I know you already showered, but if you think I'm cuddling with you when you smell like sweat and sex, you can fuck right off." You tease, grinning with your tongue poking between your teeth. You turn around, heading into the bathroom and turning on the shower. After waiting for the water to warm up, you step in, relishing the warmth cascading over you. A few minute later, you feel Joe's arms wrap around your waist and his body pressing up against yours. You stand in silence for a few moments, letting water fall down over you both. He then turns you around in his arms so you're facing him, your arms around his neck.

"Y'know, we could have just done it in here, that way we could be in bed right now." He says, flicking his wet hair out of his eyes. You run your fingers over the short hairs at the back of his neck as he leans his forehead against yours.

"Hey, I'm not the one who fell asleep before we'd even had a chance to do anything."

His face falls a little. "I'm sorry, I've been kind of a shitty boyfriend recently, haven't I?"

"What are you talking about?" You frown up at him, his beautiful brown eyes avoiding yours.

"Well, just with conventions and appearances and everything, and how busy we've been, I haven't had time to just...be with you, y'know?"

"Joe, we live together, we travel together, we're with each other every day almost-"

"That's not what I mean, we haven't been on a date in literally forever, I was at the con in Tokyo the entire day of our anniversary, and my dad was with us all day before that, for fucks sake!"

"Your dad is pretty much with us all the time, babe. It doesnt bother me, you know how much I love him. Turn around." You say, squirting some shampoo into your hand and massaging his scalp. He sighs.

"See, this is what I mean. You do all this nice stuff for me, like the back rubs, the food runs, the surprise blowies-"

"Which I do because I want to, not because I feel like I have to." You take the shower head off the wall and rinse his hair out, before running some conditioner through it. "I love you, and I know exactly what being with you entails. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I got salty about everything?"

"A normal one." Joe retorts, turning back around and gesturing for you to turn your back to him so he can wash your hair for you. "And I'm glad you're not, I just feel bad. You do everything for me and I can't even give you five minutes recently."

You don't respond, revelling in the feel of his fingers on your scalp, massaging in the shampoo. You hum appreciatively. He rinses out the shampoo and runs conditioner through your hair, making sure to cover every inch. "When we get home, I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Joe-"

"Please? We can go out and celebrate our anniversary properly, dinner, drinks, a movie, whatever you want."

You turn back around to face him. "What I want, is to stay in, order Chinese, shag and then fall asleep on the sofa with you. Joe you don't have to take me out, or buy me shit to make me feel like you love me. I know you love me, without all the materialistic crap, okay?"

He said nothing, instead he looked at you his eyes looking a little misty. He was an emotional mess tonight, but you couldn't really blame him. He blinked a couple of times, and kissed you on the nose.

"Turn around, you sap." He mumbled, giving you a small smile. He basically meant 'stop before you make me cry' in fewer words. You laughed softly, before turning back around so he could rinse your hair and his. Once you're clean, you step out and dry yourselves off, and you put on Joe's shirt again, this time pairing it with some pyjama shorts. You quickly dry my hair before getting back into bed, settling down with your head on his chest and his arms around you. "See, isn't this better than standing up and actually moving?"

"Mm," you sigh, already feeling your eyes getting heavy. "I miss our bed though."

"Me too, when we get home we are gonna spoon so fucking hard in bed for like a week." He mumbles into your hair.

"What about food and stuff?" You look up at him, raising an eyebrow. He laughs.

"Of all the things you're worried about, I love how food is at the top of that list. I fucking love you." He kisses the top of your head and switches off the bedside light. "Maybe we can persuade Wes to bring us breakfast in bed."

"Oh yeah, I can totally see him being okay with that," you laugh, my hand resting on Joe's stomach. "If anything, you owe me breakfast in bed after all these bloody photos I've taken of you. Know how hard it is to make you look good mid sentence?"

"Ouch, low blow, babe."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You know I love looking at you, chocolate button eyes." You tease, laughing as he groans into his pillow.

"I need to learn to think before I divulge all this stuff. I'm never shaking that am I?"

"Never ever."

#joseph quinn fanfic #joseph quinn fanfiction #joseph quinn x you #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn smut #joseph quinn imagine #joseph quinn fluff #joseph quinn

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moreespressoformydepresso · 3 months

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What are your honest thoughts on all Descendants boys? From both books and movies?

Oehh that’s a good question! I’ll base most of this off of the movies because I remember them more clearly. Sorry this is so late, I needed some time to sort out my thoughts. Let’s see:

Ben: cutie, golden retriever energy, needs to grow a bit more of a spine but as a recovering doormat I vibe with him.

He’s got a good heart, and he’s definitely going places, but I have no idea who decided a 16-year-old should be king. Hilariously, he’s a better king than his dad because he cares about all of his people, not just the “heroes”. But still, he’s 16, let him have his dumbass teenage years. He’s still in his phase of wanting to please everyone and that isn’t gonna lead to the best decision making. You’re king, Ben, you can overrule your girlfriend’s selfish idiotic plan of closing the barrier. Just tell her “the barrier was opened for you to come through too. If those kids aren’t worth the risk, does that mean you aren’t either? Should we throw you back?!” And she’s change her tune real fast. You gotta give some tough love sometimes.

Jay: cool, I wanna know his gym routine, pretty funny but rash, needs Carlos to temper his brand of crazy (love their bromance).

I love the narrative parallels to the movie Aladdin. Jafar thought himself so far above a street rat and now he’s raised his son to be one so he can continue being a con-man. In the movies, Jay is actually a very accurate representation of your upbringing shaping you into who you are. All Jay knows is stealing, he’s never been taught to pay if he doesn’t have to, so to him stealing’s perfectly fine. It’s normal. It’s a lot more subtle than the whole “who doesn’t like being evil” bit, but the core idea is the same: when all you’ve ever known is one perspective, that’s gonna feel like the objective truth because you’ve never had a chance to try a different one.

Carlos De Vil: Best (movie) Boy, my baby, I love him. What a little nerd (affectionate).

He’s a big part of why I willfully ignore the absolute stupidity that is the third movie’s ending. I’m sorry Mal, wtf is wrong with you??? You set your supposed friend’s abuser free for nothing but some empty platitudes and dare suggest you’ve become an empathetic person?!?! In the books, we get a lot more insight into just how horrible of a mother Cruella is, but even in the movies we see he’s had it bad because of how jumpy and nervous he is. Disney is still Disney so we don’t get much of the healing process, but we see how he calms down and adjusts to a normal life over the course of the movies when he’s out of the bad situation, which is pretty good by Disney standards. Cameron Boyce did an amazing job playing him (R.I.P Cameron) and seeing an abuse victim get comfortable within their own skin and getting the happy ending they deserve is always fun.

Harry Hook: Insane (affectionate), most fashionable drama queen ever, absolutely crazy, more than a few screws loose but in the best way possible, he’s hilarious.

So on the surface, Harry’s pretty simple. A dude who’s lost his marbles and flirts with everyone. He probably has some kind of moral compass, since he didn’t rip Mal’s throat out with his hook when she revealed her little stunt in D3, but it fell overboard at some point and couldn’t be found so nobody knows what it is except Harry himself. Also, he has his sane moments, like during that same confrontation in D3 I mentioned before where he says “And you, King Benny... you're probably gonna throw us all back inside.” It’s the first time I’ve heard him sound… not like Harry. It’s sombre and defeated, a little disappointed maybe? Either way it’s really good acting and it implies he can act completely “normal” but he just chooses not to, which makes me like him even more. He’s just a dude living his best life despite the circumstances he was born into.

Gil: adorable, hilarious, kinda clueless but in a good way.

I love characters that have no idea what’s going on half the time but are absolute sweethearts trying their best. He’s like- the opposite of his dad in every way and I’m living for it!

Gaston Jr and Gaston the third: I don’t have much to say on them, let alone separately, so they get a section together.

Honestly? I don’t remember having an opinion of them. They made Evie happy by wresting, which is cool so they get points for that. Seem like they’re trying to out-gentleman each other to win Evie’s heart and since they’re not being creepy assholes about it they are objectively better than their dad. Very much brawl over brains, the two of them, with their constant wrestling reminding me of Carlos and Jay except they’re both the muscle. Kinda cute sibling relationship, even if it’s in a VK-typical villain-flavored way.

Anthony Tremaine: squeeeee, my type is pretty boys who sigh in annoyance at everything, I guess? We only get scraps but I happily cradle them to my chest.

Uhmmm so Anthony’s personality is mostly up for imagination? The only canon information we have is that he’s most likely Anastasia’s only kid (someone on Tumblr pointed out that, in the scene with the wicked step-daughters, he’s referred to only as their cousin, not their brother) and he’s very bored with his cousins’ antics. Given A Twist In Time the potential drama is endless. Every time Anthony’s mentioned we’re reminded he’s pretty and has good style, and I love that for him. Dude lives on an isle of junk and still looks like a supermodel. Lots of room for my own ideas while still remaining within the realm of “could be canon” with just enough base in there that I’m not just creating an OC, and as a writer and artist that’s all I need tbh.

Hadie: cute, deserves better, I need more of him and Mal bonding

Mal’s half-brother, son of Hades, very cool. I like that he’s trying to turn good and having a hard time, because that’s very realistic for someone who grew up not knowing anything other than evil. Descendants 2 tried to tackle it with Mal, but failed miserably. We know Hades sucks as a parent in descendants (neglect is abuse) so that’s not gonna help him.

Dough: Awww he’s so cute with Evie 🥺

No really that’s it. He’s a nerd that gets the girl, has some very funny moments, but honestly most of his character is centered around Evie? And they’re cute together it’s not a bad thing but there isn’t much to analyze. He’s understandably pissed about someone like Chad getting all the girls while using them, but that’s also only ever seen in relation to Evie.

Chad Charming: what a bitch (derogatory), total coward, I hate him but he’s funny.

So I have no issue with characters who conduct themselves terribly (I love Audrey, (fanon) Anthony, Uma, and many others from many fandoms) if, and that’s a massive IF, they have a good reason for it. And I’ll count “because I can and I want to” as a good reason, because by that point you have someone who’s mean and owns it. I can appreciate the self-awareness and usually those characters are very extra so it’s entertaining. If not that, there needs to be a reason they are the way they are. Audrey has the pressure from her grandmother (and the borderline verbal abuse), Uma has the very real grievance of living in squalor on a run-down island full of the worst of humanity because she was born, what does Chad have? He’s spoiled. A spoiled brat. And he goes from that to an overtly whimpering coward with none of the pretense of superiority in any field. His one saving grace is that he’s a massive joke.

Diego De Vil, Clay Clayton, Gonzo, Jace and Harry Badun, Herkie, Aziz, Jonas, Lefou Deux, Li Shang Jr, everyone else I missed: no opinion, because they’re not relevant enough for the writers to give them a personality.

I have nothing I’m sorry. I barely remember reading their names and I don’t remember anything from the scenes they’re (mentioned) in to get an idea of what to talk about here.

That was… a lot lmao

#disney descendants #descendants #descendants anthony #descendants jay #carlos de vil #descendants carlos #descendants ben #descendants chad #chad charming #descendants gil #gil descendants #harry hook #descendants harry hook #hadie descendants #gaston jr #gaston the third #anthony tremaine #character analysis #?? i guess

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queen-freya0 · 11 months

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So, now that I finished totk, I'd like to share my insight of the game overall with y'all. Fight me or agree with me, I'd like to know other people's opinions

PROS

The soundtrack is amazing. Zelda has always been about awesome music and this is not the exception. The soundtrack plays exactly what the environment was to convey. You're exploring the sky islands? The music is then calm. You're in the depths? the music will help you shit yourself. Going even more down, looking for Ganondorf? coolest music ever, full of mystery.

World exploring. I feel like this time totk forces you to explore the world, in botw you could directly go to Ganon and beat the shit out of him with a stick, but definitely not here at all. You find yourself needing bombs so you'll have to look for caves, then you need Sundelion, so you have to go to the sky. In a certain way, I hated that for the first days because I was trying to finish the game as soon as I could, but now I appreciate it.

We have our first disabled Link! At least until the end. It was nice to see him different for once. It'd be cool if he had stayed that way.

World development. In botw, you have this whole piece of land that's mostly monsters and ruins, but in totk things have changed after the calamity disappeared. We have more people around who're in contact with each other. The places don't seem as lonely as before and even people help Link. And, did you notice there's less trees? It's a nice detail, since there's new buildings made of wood everywhere.

Fusing mechanic. Tbh, I didn't love Fuse at first, but then realized how useful it can be.

Link's clothing. There's more clothes available bc they used the botw DLC clothing, which is cool! And the new designs are... slutty.

Zelink. No one can tell me otherwise. All the signs are there, bitches!!!!

CONS

Overall, it doesn't feel like a sequel. And I hated that. Nintendo keeps giving preference towards new players and in this case, it's not worth it. I dare to declare that at least 80% of people who purchased totk played botw and knew exactly what they were getting. This especially has to do with the point below.

There's no mention of the Champions at all, the Sheikah technology is missing, and where tf are the Divine Beasts?? I get that, yeah, maybe the Champions shouldn't be thaaaaaat important anymore, yet what about everything else? Where's my Sheika Slate????????

We were promised a dark game and this isn't it, not at all. Maybe I'm tripping? But I remember clearly on the first years of development people mentioning this game would be dark like Majora's, and going back to the first two trailers I could actually see it was kinda the case. However, with the last trailer, I made a bet that they probs rejected the idea and I was right. I'd like to have something like Majora someday again.

The introduction of a new race out of nowhere. The zonai.... they weren't my piece of cake at first. It seems cheap for me, I'm not sure. I don't know if they intended to introduce something, anything, from them since botw but ended up scraping the idea, but overall the whole experience I have of them from both games is that they took the zonai out of their asses and were like "yup, we got this!"

The end was TOO happy. Like I mentioned before, I'd rather Link have his arm cut. Purah can make another one if Rauru really wanted his arm so bad. Zelda transforming back was okay, but what I didn't really get was why did Sonia and Rauru didn't turn her back before????? They instead waited until Link fought his ass hard, lol.

I hated that Zelda was thanking ME at the end instead of Link. Don't look at me, bitch, look at your boyfriend! This has to do with this other post of mine about how Nintendo can't let go of Link being an avatar despite they themselves providing depth to his character.

I may edit this longer but rn I'm out of ideas and I'm at work, lol.

#legend of zelda #the legend of zelda #zelda #tears of the kingdom #loz tears of the kingdom #zelink #totk spoiler #totk spoilers #link #zelda totk #loz zelda #princess zelda #zelda tears of the kingdom

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boinurmom13 · 3 months

Text

coughs

wow no way drawing my farmer after 84749583 years of inactivity…

hi guys.

okay. bo revamp.

You ever wanna see a farmer with mommy issues?? And a strong distrust of adventurers??? No?? too bad

heres bo

An ex-con, an ex-xman, and ex-adventurer!!! (minus the ex-con and ex-xman).

Bo had gone to a boarding school for kids with traits like he has, aka kids that have magic abilities, or come from a long line of adventurers and are going to work in the same profession. Despite the fact that he has the ability to cast magic, and use magic, he was not raised as such. Bo wasn’t raised to be a witch, wizard, spellcaster, whatever you wanna call it

no.

he was raised around the sword and shield, the good ol’ classic hardwork of pigsticking a slime with a sharp ass metal. yeah. that one.

There’s a reason for this, obviously. i mean. its not just cruel acts by the head of the school, no. No, Bo’s magic is. finicky. It’s not as easy as elemental magic, such as dealing with fire or water. It’s not as easy as generic, or written spells, or potion work, or the whole shebang.

His magic, if left untrained or unattended, is capable of fucking with his own mana levels, and others’. as well as, if strong enough potentially kill a bitch,..

call it whatever you want, vampiric, yin and yang, the reaper’s touch, soul sucking, what EVER, it doesnt matter its all the same.

“well…, dave!! you just said bo wasnt raised to control his *snort* magic..!! so. uhm. how is he working on a farm if, *snort* hehe, he could potentially kill all of his crops *gurgle burp*” well. you disgusting. disgusting. icky. thing,

thats the irony. bo cannot control it properly, but it is under maintenance using an old relic the school had, conveniently, on hand (i lief they went searching for it)

so, no, he cant kill a guy, but he can make them exceptionally tired if bo’s running low and needs some gogo juice. he can, however, kill plants. which makes formwork exceptionally hard for him, and is why he sticks to more animal work than using plants.

anyways.

that story with amelia is the same. bo’s cousin, died in battle over in galdora, affected him deeply, he left midway through his training over in gotoro, went TOTALLY off the radar.

came back to the farm per rodney’s (amelias husband) request, was handed a bunch of amelia’s old stuff, and the deed to the farm should he want it.

amongst amelia items was a small vial that was broken by another witch in the country bo had moved to, and released two disgustingly slimy salamander things. (this is a change, cuz it used to be two human-looking demons)

you like familiars with witches? grear cuz bo has two.

its explained to bo that these “salamanders” are actually demons that go WAY back in the family bloodline, back to when the barabell family first got in touch with a higher being that could grant them magical abilities. these demons were the trade off.

both safairry (previously cain) and rarify (previously jack) make it their job to nitpick everything bo does and also try to convince him to preform a ritual to get them out of their salamander state and back into the demons they once were.

love that

anyways, you might ask “well now u have all this worldbuilding, but what about the other villagers?? huh?? and other people thingies, how does bo interact with them??”

bo keeps to himself a lot. he rarely goes into town beyond the essentials, so he’s not friends with a lot of people. however, he does get visits from sam occasionally, as well as sebastian, since they used to be friends from when bo, during points in which the boarding school went on long breaks and he needed a place to stay, would stay on the farm with rodney and amelia.

abby tags along too.

despite bos dislike of the adventuring field, he does have to go up into the mines and interact with people like magnus and marlon to actually get somewhere. after bo had (somehow??) found his way onto ginger island and (FOR SOME REASON???) got to the top of the volcano, he got himself tied into galdora

this, of course, was because lance had stopped by after their inital meeting, they chatted, and lance may or may not have let it slip that one of amelia’s (a good, but old friend of camilla’s) family members is in town.

and staying, from what it looks like.

also with romance shit or whatever, bo has to cope with the fact that he cannot genuinely care about his future boyfriends or his current friends. that. that was some self discovery on my bit, and now is getting forced into my farmer. i made his schooling time absolute hell, so ill make his love life hell too. fuck you bo.

#its not too different from the original #yeah him and lance still get together #after a long slow burn and bo eventually realizing that hes bound to come back to monster hunting #woo farmer #also fyi bo is fully capable of being respectful to strangers #or even people he knows #hes not quick to loud and aggressive anger #in fact he’s more quiet when angry and he treats everyone around him particularly well #hes just quiet and has a resting bitch face #ALSO HE HAS A SLIGHT ACCENT #like if someone didnt know what scottish sounded like #he also slurs his words a lot #ok thats it #sdv #stardew valley #sve #stardew valley expanded #art #sdv farmer

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thenwhatthefukcisthis · 4 months

Text

Arthur didn’t miss the militarisation; he chose to omit that information : a word salad

I don’t think there’s a single mistake in movie history that has riled up this many people as arthur darling missing militarisation of Fischer. It’s (beautifully, always) taken as the moment eames shows arthur “it’s okay bb I love you” in all the fics ever (keep doing that please it’s my jam) and over the past 13 years people have been toying different ideas trying to figure out the reason for the best point man in the industry to miss such important detail of the job.

nobody asked, but here’s my two cents on it.

But first, lemme briefly mention the theories I have seen so far in the fandom regarding this

1. Arthur missed it. Just as it’s portrayed in the movie. He’s just human and humans are bound to make mistakes. There’s no mystery/backstory/explanation; he just missed it. cause even tho he strives to be, he isn’t 100% perfect.

(it’s very possible, but where’s the fun in this explanation cmon)

2. Arthur missed it cause he was too burned out by the long two years of babysitting cobb and he was too busy in inception job itself playing mentor to Ariadne while doing his point man duties

(I agree. totally. He needed to be wrapped in a blanket and fed cookies 30 seconds in to the damn movie)

3. Arthur didn’t miss it. He hid the fact intentionally to con the team. He was double crossing cobb/Eames and was actually helping cobol/CIA so he made the job difficult by keeping it a secret

(I’m not overly fond of this explanation, and it’s doesn’t ring true with the canon, but I see the appeal. The whole eames/arthur enemies to lovers extravaganza *chefs kiss*)

4. Arthur didn’t miss anything. Fischer wasn’t militarised. The projections were cobbs, including that giant ass train.

(Im not smart enough to completely understand this explanation but it’s a big brain idea *applause*)

so.. now onto the silly little idea I had.

(this could very well be an already discussed idea, I’m waaaaay late to the party, but I just haven’t come across it so far. Please bear with me if you’ve mentioned/seen someone mention it anywhere)

What if..what if it was arthur himself who militarised Fischer. What if it’s a job he did while running around the world with cobb and he did it from everyone?

in actual, real world, country hopping, funding lawyers, paying for law suits and funding for two kids actually need a truckload of money. While the Miles couple must’ve helped with some of those expenses, there must’ve been a huge amount of balance for cobb to cover, and despite being a runaway dad, cobb must’ve tried his best to make things at home were going smooth at home, taking as much jobs he could get, even the riskier and shadier ones.

however, with his mind falling apart and mal being not so lovely, there must’ve been a moment the efforts just weren’t enough. Cobb wouldn’t have mentioned it or more likely, wouldn’t have even noticed it, cause if the movie is any indication, the tabs must’ve been kept by a certain very meticulous point man.

arthur ,more than anyone else, knew how much cobb wanted to see his children and how hard he was trying to get his name cleared and get back to them. so, letting cobb know that he wasn’t dong enough as a father and a protector was definitely out in arthurs book.

so what if, while pretending for both his and cobbs sake that everything was just fine, arthur started taking up extra work to fill out those gaps? certainly not heavy inception-level work, but the ones which would only require a point man or just an architect. jobs without too much trouble, almost legal and which could be done in between jobs.

and arthur wouldn’t have minded missing a few nights sleep here and there, if it meant the lawyers keeping the feds off cobbs back were paid and happy. he knew his best friend was already beating himself up for mal, both the real life person and the projection and leaving such young kids alone, so even when cobb grumbled about research being completed late, arthur never let cobb know it’s cause he’s also handling another jobs research and add to the staggering weight of guilt his friend carried.

so what if, militarisation of Fisher was one such run-in-the-mill job that was done in super secrecy? Arthur was consulted when fishcer senior fell ill, arthur flew in (stateside), met Robert barely once, did the job and flew back.

when inception came along, arthur was obviously in a nice little pickle and he knew he had to talk cobb out of it (in the movie, we could see arthur being wary of inception from the get go, and while the extreme chance of utter failure could’ve been the reason, this could also be the reason why he didn’t wanna go through with it *cue stabby salad scene*) there was no way arthur could tell this to cobb without hurting him as then he would’ve had to explain all the rest to him as well.

being the point does mean he has to know it all, but it never says the others also have to know as much he does. so arthur keeps it hidden, but takes all the precautions; he makes sure everything is planned well and that everyone is trained in gun combat ( even the first class flight attendant specially the first class flight attendant ), knowing that worse that could happen would be dying in a dream, which for arthur, only meant waking up at that point. arthur was sure they could go thru with it cause as he says in the movie “it’s nothing they haven’t dealt with before”.

I love the level of calmness arthur was exuding when cobb tears him a new one and while it could be simply because arthurs life long experience of dealing with cranky cobb, there was also this hint of resigned “I’ve been expecting this” nature to his demeanour that was too calm, even for arthur. He tries to calm cobb down in the most placating manner cause Arthur must’ve decided that he deserves whatever that’s coming along his way and has been ready to take the blame since day one and tries his damndest to make sure everyone makes it out alive cause he was prepared and was sure. arthur didn’t mind playing the betrayer so that cobb could walk away guilt free out of inception.

however, what arthur never, ever expected was the person he has considered as his closest friend, to betray him and everyone else in the worst possible manner.

#Dee defends arthur 2024 #this thought wouldn’t let me sleep and I’m not talented enough to write a fic about it or draw it so a word salad is what you would get #Arthur darling is the best #LEMME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS #keep them coming please #inception #Arthur inception

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lestappenforever · 6 months

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Hiya, body language anon back already because I’m in my element (and I’m lying in my bed sick and have nothing better to do, ha!).

My little observation brings us back all the way to Bahrain. The year is still 2023. It was the first time Max’s feet movements made me perk up, and I haven’t moved on ever since.

Max is sitting in the post-quali press con the way he always does, with one foot propped up. He’s only half-listening to everything happening around him. At one point he takes a brief glance at Charles… and gets caught - Charles notices him and turns his head towards him. Max’s reaction? He doesn’t say anything, but gives him a small smile, then quickly averts his gaze and starts picking at his pinky. (Charles shares his smile and reaches for his ear, but he was already fidgeting with the brim of his cap so let’s keep our focus on Max.) Because Max acts a bit flustered, shy even, right? With him averting his gaze, picking at his finger to release his nervous energy, I mean. But it’s not a too over-the-top reaction, if you feel a bit nervous around someone you tend to do that. It’s small, nothing too noticeable, you want to occupy your mind after that quick awkward exchange. But Max’s reaction to getting caught is actually quite intense… and the icing on the cake is that his nervous energy begins pooling inside him even before Charles catches him. If you look at his foot closely, you can see that his foot makes an involuntary-looking kick when he decides to look at Charles, AND THEN starts shaking the very second Charles catches his gaze. So much energy built up inside of him in a very quick moment, and since it was a professional setting, he couldn’t move around much so his foot was a sort of outlet - he released his nervousness (or whatever the hell he was flooded with) through his foot. Him averting his gaze and touching his pinky seems rather conscious, while his foot shaking is definitely unconscious movement.

This seems to be a recurring thing with him. And it happened again yesterday. I tend to focus on these moments more instead of the post-quali ot post-race shenanigans because those moments are always fueled by the adrenaline rush and the high of racing. When you extert your body this much, when you operate under this much adrenaline, it takes time for your mind and body to get off your high. Adrenaline tends to shrink your personal space - or rather fades the boundaries you usually have around people so it’s easier to cross them, even with people you don’t really fancy or are not necessarily close to. Just take an isolated moment and analyse it. You get fantastic news and your heart pumps so much adrenaline into your veins that you’d go as far as hugging a stranger close to you, jumping around them, and so on - this is a trope in movies/tv shows as well, and despite it’s usual comical function, it isn’t as hyperbolical as it seems. You really do cross your boundaries when there’s this much energy pooling under your skin.

This is why I’m opting to look at the press con footage more because they’ve calmed down, they are forced into a professional setting with cameras and questions so even if the energy is still making them jittery, they are forced to swallow it back down. Lestappen engaging in heavy convo right after a race? You could say that it’s a shipper’s silly delusion, they are just high on adrenaline. But when the rush is gone, when the white noise inside your eardrums have quieted down and you’re able to see more clearly and erect your boundaries again… Getting fruity moments when they have calmed down has more significance to me, more telling, more exact.

This Mexican press con was different though. Because apparently Charles was high off painkillers, and even if there’s no official source I’m inclined to believe it, because he seemed more open, more relaxed, indulging Max more. AND what makes this scene so exciting for me is that Max was no longer under the influence of overflowing andrenaline, he didn’t take any painkillers… and still reciprocated Charles’ giddiness and openness. Which leads me to the conclusion that Max is more open to the idea of a close(closer?) friendship, whereas Charles is more reserved, needs time, needs some nudging to make him crawl out of his shell.

Disclaimer: I do not know these guys, these are based solely on observations through a tv screen, which is a secondary channel already, so an already manipulated view. Take it with a pinch of salt.

I'm so sorry to hear you’re sick, my darling body language anon. I'm wishing you the speediest of recoveries. ❤️

Thank you so much for coming back already with even more wonderful insight. For convenience, I'm linking to the moment you’re referring to at the Bahrain 2023 press conference here because it’s a moment that can never been seen to many times.

Also going to link to yesterday's post qualifying press conference here, here and here, for convenience for anyone who reads this ask.

Body language anon, you have no idea how interesting I find everything you've sent me so far. It’s so amazing to get this type of insight into their body language, and words cannot describe how much I appreciate you taking the time to send me these asks. And I know I'm not the only one who absolutely loves seeing you share this type of insight, so thank you so, so much. Please feel free to stop by whenever, however often you want, because your asks will always be more than welcome. ❤️

#Asks #Anon asks #Lestappen asks #Lestappen dynamics anons #Body language anon

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natreads · 17 days

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Ramblings about uni and the future

I'm trying to make a difficult decision. Since I've spent the last five years trying to break into the publishing industry and mostly failing (I'm freelance but can't get a full time job), I've been thinking very seriously about going back to uni to become a librarian instead. It's not really a career I've ever thought of, or wanted, but the same can be said for publishing. I decided I wanted to go that route when I already had a my bachelors degree. It felt like the "right" path, but I wasn't aware of how difficult it would be. The industry is so closed off, and I'm not very good at putting myself out there, so I've been struggling a lot. Not to mention people keep getting fired left and right so even if I do get in who knows how long that will last. I guess part of deciding to study something else, despite already having a masters degree and over six years of uni studies behind me, is that I feel like I need to essentially give up this dream, which would make the past five years feel like a waste even though I don't necessarily think they are. But I will have to give up the identity I have built around the industry. But I also feel like going another route won't mean I can't one day make it there too. But I also don't want to get another degree just to still be focusing on an industry that's this unattainable. I will have to focus on making it as a librarian instead and the idea of having to properly give up publishing makes me so sad, but I also know it will bring me relief once I actually do it. I need to study something where I will actually find work.

Another issue is that I really really REALLY don't want to study for another three years lmao. I talked to some people and there's a possibility that I COULD skip one semester due to previous studies, but I feel like it will be complicated and also not necessarily set in stone to manipulate the degree like that. I also got the tip to go take a masters instead which is two years, but here are the pros and cons to all of this:

Three year undergrad:

The school I did my BA at, so it's familiar

Since it's undergrad I'm not worried I will fail

Close to home (even if I move)

Unfortunately it's three years

It feels "silly" to get another BA when I could get an MA immediately instead

Two year masters program:

It's only two years

It will probably be hard

Could be done online, but I don't know if I have it in me to sit at home for two years again

It's in another city, but only takes an hour by train to get there

Unfortunately the train (pendeln) SUCKS and is super unreliable

And I would have to pay a bunch each time

But I like the idea of experiencing something new, since I both like the city (it's a college town) and don't think one hour is that bad

Another problem is that we'll be doing lots of group work so I might have to be there a lot which will be annoying

If I knew just HOW often I'd have to go I feel like it would be easier

I'm gonna be moving soonish to an apartment in the city here in Stockholm so I don't wanna move to Uppsala and do student housing, but my lease will only be one year so maybe I COULD during second year. I've never expeirenced student life like that before

Do I really wanna write another fucking masters thesis omg

I like the sound of two master degrees tho lmao

One semester will be dedicated to writing my thesis so I will mostly only have to commute for 1.5 years I guess, which makes the student housing in year two maybe unnessecary? But my lease will be up anyway soooo. In an ideal world I would be doing student housing my first year and then move into the other apartment after, but I can't do that and I don't wanna give up on a great opportunity

We'll be visiting libraries and whatnot and if it's in Uppsala (I kinda assume it is) I will have to figure out the public transit looool

Essentially, I think the undergrad one is safe but longer, while the MA is shorter but scarier. If I do the MA online I will be more comfortable, but also probably lowkey go crazy. Maybe if I knew if and how much I would be working at the bookstore after the summer I would pick the online version, since work would get me out of the house, but none of us know how needed I will be.

I know I need to change lanes, since I'm getting older and I need stability. Working in a library is the next best thing I can see myself doing after publishing (I kinda wanted to do marketing but I've realized it unfortunately goes against a lot of my morals and libraries are ethically the one and only place I stand 100% behind).

Idk if anyone has any insight or advice please lmk I'm so torn

#nat talks #work stuff #uni stuff #long post

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epiclamer · 2 years

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Could you please write on hero x villian (single parent troupe)? :D I love it sm!!

Just the idea of (either hero or villian) getting all friendly and warm with the other's kid

And the other, at first being like UH UH NOPE STAY AWAY FROM MY KID but soon, after some time of bonding,

the other is the only person they can trust with the safety of their child?

Mmmmm delicious trope yesyes…

(No reposts but reblogs appreciated <3)

New Recruit

Hero tapped their feet against the concrete flooring of Villains basement idly. Hardly paying any attention to their surroundings or the situation they were in, it was all too familiar. They were here a lot.

Ever since Villain got into the whole “kidnapping” thing, Hero had been a frequent visitor at the Villain estate. At first, it was frightening. Then, it turned more into friendly chatting and tea time than business and torture. Hero had nothing against that.

The large door finally began its opening—weirdly enough Villain was ten minutes early this time, that was new—but instead of Hero’s nemesis striding into the room, only a small head poked its way through the door frame. One of a child, a young child, ten at the most took a few nervous steps into the room before closing the door quietly.

Hero blinked in shock, the kid was a mirror reflection of their greatest enemy. Same nose, same eyes, same curious nature… just younger. Had Villain invented some sort of age regressing potion? Was this the same Villain of many years ago?

Lost in thought Hero hardly noticed the child puff up their chest and walk stiff-legged to a stop in front of them. Eyeing them up and down as they furrowed their brows slightly in an attempt to seem menacing. Hero had to stop the small chuckle from escaping their lips at the display.

“Who are you?” Despite the child’s best efforts to seem scary and in charge, their voice came out like a high pitched squeak as they shook a little in their stance.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Hero smiled, finding the younger one quite amusing, but the child didn’t back down.

“Are you Parent’s new lover.”

What.

“The other one isn’t coming back so are you the new one.” There was a slight look of disappointment that crowded the poor kid’s face. They looked upset, as if they had watched their parent go through many heartbreaks and tissue boxes, but was clueless as to how to help.

Parent must have been Villain. That was the only connection that seemed fathomable in this case scenario, besides Hero had known that Villain had a long line of past lovers behind them, so it was only reasonable that this child in front of them was Villains and not the villain themselves.

That was definitely new to Hero. They had never known Villain had a child, and Villain most likely would’ve kept them that way and out of harm for years to come if they had had the chance. Unfortunately for them, this kid was very curious and determined to save their parent’s broken heart.

Adorable. Hero couldn’t help the flutter of pride in their chest for the kid.

Hero contemplated telling Villains child the truth, they surely didn’t want to lie to them and con their way out of this situation—Hero had a feeling that would do more harm to the kid than good—but the truth wasn’t all that easy to explain either. And telling the kid that their only parent is actually a wanted criminal was probably not very smart and Villain would surely have their head for it.

But without having to dwell on it much further, the rushed footsteps of who Hero assumed to be Villain stomping down the stairs towards the basement sounded and Hero found themselves sure of their answer.

“Yes. I am.” Hero was confident in their tone for such a rotten lie, but something in their heart pounded again when the kid broke out into a grin and the stress seemed to evaporate from their shoulders. They were starting to grow fond of this kid and co-parenting with their longtime crush Villain was becoming more and more endearing by the second.

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madsworld15 · 2 months

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Been doing a lot of thinking these last few days. Read: I’ve been doom spiraling, and when I do that, my brain thinks about Ryan Kelley.

TL;DR: One fan's bond with the actor Ryan Kelley.

My friends, and Twitter followers know the story but I want to write it out here so I can always go back to it when I’m feeling down on myself.

I first met Ryan Kelley at HowlerCon in NJ in 2015. That year it was my first ever con so I was beside myself anxious. However, I got a photo op with Ryan because I’d loved him for years, since he was in Prayers for Bobby. That photo op didn’t turn out well, but I was proud of myself for actually doing it. That whole weekend I barely said ten words to him.

So, 7 months later in June 2016, when I saw him again at HowlerCon, I really expected Ryan to not recognize me at all. Instead, he grinned really big and said he was so happy to see me come back. He asked me for my name and smiled really big as he repeated it back to me. I had a meet and greet with him later that day, so we parted ways.

At the meet and greet, I was given the opportunity to ask a question. I asked him how hard it was to get into character for Bobby considering how morose the character always was and what ultimately happened to him. Ryan was so generous with his response and seemed genuinely happy someone had asked him about this movie.

At the end of the meet and greet I approached him directly and asked him if I could hand him something I had written for him. He told me sure, and I scrambled in my bag to find the letter. As I handed it to him, I conveyed that I was grateful he answered my question about Prayers for Bobby since it was such an important film for me. He returned the sentiment saying it was one of the most important roles he has ever done.

Later on that night, there was a party where the cast and fans could dance together and have a good time. I went, despite my anxiety, and I ended up finding Ryan on the edge of the crowd just watching. I was about to leave myself, having already used up all my social spoons, but a part of me told me I should go and talk to him. So I did. We ended up having a wonderful conversation about observing the world around us and about being from big families. He talked a bit about how his parents adopted a ton of kids, and I talked about how I had been adopted myself. Something shifted between us that day, and whatever the cause, I'm grateful it did.

The next day at his autograph session, he asked me if I was feeling better today. Then he held my hand as he signed for me, and I explained that I had anxiety which sometimes got in the way of me enjoying things. For the first time ever, Ryan wrote me a message on the image he signed for me, and he thanked me for coming.

HowlerCon convened again in June 2017, which was billed as being the last one. It made sense, considering that, at the time, the show was coming to a close. When they had announced their guests for that final year I kept waiting and waiting for them to announce Ryan's name. He was a staple for the con. So I knew he'd be attending, but as more and more got announced, I was certain he wasn't going to make it. But then, on April 21st, the con announced he was one of their Bonus Guests. I didn't see the announcement initially, but one of my con friends tagged me in a tweet response, saying they just knew I would be beside myself with that announcement.

I was excited, but then a confluence of events happened in my personal life that pushed that con completely from my mind until a few weeks before it was scheduled to happen. I bought all the photo ops with Ryan I could afford (resulting in a total of 3 different poses) and an autograph ticket along with a ticket to his meet and greet.

That year, I was excited and sad all at the same time. Ryan and I had many opportunities to talk and joke. His presence was a balm that I desperately needed at that time, considering the insanity of my life. He never once judged me for things I said or did, even if I bet more money than I should on an auction for a bobblehead of his character. When I didn't win the bobblehead, he asked his handler to come find me in the crowd and come up to him. He then hugged me and told me he appreciated the support I always showed him.

That year, I asked Ryan to write out the words: Be Your Own Anchor so that I could get them tattooed on me for my birthday. (A few months after this con, I did just that.) He joked that he wasn't a fan of tattoos himself, but if that was what I wanted, he would do it. Since I had two autograph tickets, Ryan also signed our photo op and wrote me the following message:

So glad I got to spend this weekend with you. XOXO (his signature)

Then, over the next couple of years, I would post something on Instagram related to him or Parrish and tag him, and he would like the post or comment in some way. I even remember sending him a message on Instagram during one of my low grief periods after my Pop died and when my Nana was dying of cancer. He responded and basically told me that I mattered and I wasn't a nobody.

Then came the COVID-19 lockdown. I had an excess of money because I was getting the government stipend while also being on unemployment because daycares weren't able to open during that time. So, when an auction came up to have a 15-minute Zoom call with Ryan, I leaped at the chance and won the auction.

When he came on the screen, he told me. "Let me ask you questions since I'm sure you don't have any for me." So, our conversation centered on my job -- which at the time was working for daycare and my TV critic side gig. He was very interested in my TV critic gig and I admitted to him that I reviewed his Christmas movie. He asked me who paid me to watch it.

All in all, it was a great time, and then the next day, the organizers of the event asked me for my Twitter handle. I assumed it was for promotional reasons, so I gave it to them. The next day I was driving home from work and had pulled over to get gas when I saw I had a notification that Ryan Kelley had followed me. Then a few moments later, he sent me a message letting me know that my positive attitude about the stuff we were going through really inspired him, and he was grateful that we got the chance to connect again.

I didn't talk to Ryan much over the next few years, an occasional message back and forth on Instagram or Twitter, but nothing major. Then Howler Reunion happened in June 2022, and I realized there were some things I had to tell Ryan. For one, in the time since we had last spoken I had come out to the world as non-binary and had changed my name. I knew he would be very gracious about it all, but still, I worried.

It came to the day of my duo photo op with Ryan Kelley and Linden Ashby. I had decided I would come out to both of them because my bond with Linden had always been like he was a father to me. So, I wore my Asexual pride shirt and my non-binary colored flannel and hoped for the best. My dear friend Lori, who helped run the con, went with me for moral support.

I don't remember exactly what I said to them, but I do remember that I told them afterward that this photo op was a "Pride" one so they could act proud of me. Linden reassured me that there was no acting necessary because he was proud of me. Ryan just squeezed me close to him in a side hug. Seeing the photo result, I am forever grateful that I chose to come out to Ryan because the way he looks at me in this photo is hard to describe, but gives me so much comfort to this day.

The rest of the weekend went by in a blur. I do remember at my individual photo op with Ryan he asked me to explain the reasoning behind my new name. He said he had always been able to remember my old name because it was the same as his mom's and that I reminded him of her in personality and my kind nature. (cue the tears seriously) I explained to him the history behind my adopted name and how I wanted to keep a piece of that even with a more gender-neutral name so I had shortened my middle name to what is now my first. I then explained to him that it was so wonderful hearing him say my new name out loud because I felt like he was an extension of my family and that no one in my immediate family had been willing to use it yet, at least not at that point. He looked so concerned for me that my own mom wasn't being respectful at the time, and he pulled me into another hug.

That afternoon there was a final panel with the whole roster of guests. We could stand at the mics and ask questions if we wanted to, but I just wanted to thank Ryan one more time for his kindness. So, I did.

Later on in the panel, the guests were asked about a project they've done that they are so proud of. Ryan got on the mic and talked about how he knew one of his projects meant the world to a couple of his fans, and then he found me in the crowd, and we locked eyes, and it meant the world to him to know that because it was a project, he was extremely proud of himself.

Then, later on, we had an autograph session and his handler, a new one from previous years, looked up at me and asked my name. Ryan grinned and said, "Don't need it. Mads and I go way back." Then he gave me a wink and said Mads again. I told him that it had been an extremely rough time for me since the Summer of 2018. And that it helped to have my tattoo, which I then showed him, that he'd written because it reminded me to stay grounded. Then, Ryan grabbed my arm, covered my tattoo with his hand, and looked me in the eye.

"I know you think you needed me to be strong. But you are strong all on your own. It's inspiring."

I then handed him a custom Funko Pop I had made of Parrish, and he got emotional and thanked me for such a beautiful gift. When we said goodbye, I told him that I was grateful for all the kindness he had always shown me and that I would miss him. At the time I was certain we would never see each other again because I couldn't afford to travel to Europe where he frequents cons on the regular.

"This isn't goodbye. You are stuck with me for life."

I know Ryan was being kind and probably as honest as he hoped to be but I know despite our shift in bond, Ryan is still an actor and I'm still just a fan. But, our bond is definitely unique and one of a kind.

There are some days I still look at the evidence in front of me and believe that I made it all up in my head. That none of it ever happened.

#ryan kelley #fan interaction #teen wolf #conventions

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thankskenpenders · 2 years

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I haven’t been keeping tabs on the man because that’s just... not a thing I do, believe it or not. Nobody has busted down my door to inform me of something insane like a new Scourge comic or more legal threats lately, so I haven’t looked at his Twitter. But I realized the other day marked the 12th anniversary of Penders first announcing his intention to make new comics starring Knuckles’ daughter Lara-Su, continuing his Archie Sonic run. The formal announcement of The Lara-Su Chronicles as a series would only come in December 2011, but in July 2010 his copyright battle went public via an announcement posted to his personal forum, which also explained what he was going to do with his newly copyrighted material

In that time, we’ve seen scattered individual pages, promotional art, script drafts, translation snippets in multiple languages, T-shirts, phone cases, masturbatory Screen Rant interviews, a bunch of con appearances on both sides of the country, the decision to make an Echyd’nya conlang, many Twitter ponderings on Echyd’nya reproductive biology and sexuality, and previews of a bespoke The Lara-Su Chronicles motion comic reader app that’s perpetually in early development. But Penders has yet to release a single chapter from what is apparently book one of a seven-part graphic novel saga after 12 years

By my count, in the time it’s taken him to make and release any new comics, 253 official English language Sonic comics have been released. That includes Archie, IDW, and the Forces miniseries. And of course, that number would be even higher had we not seen a 16-month gap due to Archie losing the license and the team being rehired by IDW

Despite the number of messages I receive wanting me to rag on him endlessly for every little thing he’s ever said and done, I don’t actually get off on kicking an old man when he’s down. But he’s apparently back to taking pot shots at the IDW comics (which he has not and will not read) for attention on Twitter, so I figured some perspective was due 💖

#tkp post

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quietbluejay · 2 days

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Master of the Maelstrom

You know, if I had a nickel every time I had a wh40k fave who was a space pirate leader with chronic pain in a constant mental struggle against the dark forces giving him his power, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's funny they have so many similarities on paper yet are so different in execution.

What an unfortunate first name this man has

Man, dude has style

He talks about the appeal of Chaos being idea of having the freedom to do what you want without a superior breathing down your neck (lmao) and how that's still a lie, but it's more freedom than the Imperium will give you.

oh hey hello, it's that choice again, haha.

look I know he’s an evil dude who’s in denial about being high on chaos but he’s meeting all my standards I don’t care that he’s a burnt chicken nugget so far he’s the most attractive chaos character ive met so far Well I’ll wait til he strangles a subordinate I guess With my luck with characters it’ll happen lol Okay look hes showing better social-fu than I’ve seen from a single primarch despite them supposedly having super charisma well, he has regular person charisma instead of magic warp charisma that does most of the work for you He’s constantly throwing jabs at the imperium in his inner monologue And also he’s got chronic pain and has a magic parrot also he's a tax evader What more could you want?

i think throwing Sad Ahriman at Huron would be very fun huron definitely knows who ahriman is they maybe even met before! so he'd know this is a ticking time bomb (this is, assuming sad ahriman somehow travelled through time to the future) also huron would definitely be like "i am going to cause problems for the imperium on purpose" if he were to ever travel back to horus heresy era like i had a vague thought about before

I'm also really enjoying our other main POV character, Griza Dallax. Actually you know what consistently all the admech women have been pretty great. Tawren, Carmenta, now Griza. Spider cyborg woman from Talon of Horus was also fun.

oh. i think Griza hit a nerve

Griza:

huron continues to be salty about the imperium he wants people to suffer the same way he did and have the lies of benevolence/protection stripped away also man, calling out Mortarion and Magnus for sulking for 10k years and i get the feeling he'd say it to their faces, quite possibly huron internally: it would be totally sick if guilliman was my dad and i got to fight him huron: also if i have to die, what a way it would be to go out

Valthex my beloved

I just like how in this whole room of people who don’t trust each other and would sell each other for one corn chip there is one mostly genuine friendship

Diversity win! Local space pirate is NOT xenophobic!

Rip the tarellians though, got killed for having too much pride when Huron's got other stuff to do I find it fun though that his internal monologue has zero xenophobia He’s better than guilliman in this respect lol I think this counts as becoming a better person out of spite. I mean yes he did still kill them for essentially being in the way but he’s equal opportunity that way lol

huron: the imperium is xenophobic, ergo i will welcome xenos under my banner actually i think he's quite possibly the ONLY non-racist POV I've read so far unless we're counting eldar who happened to just not think about non-tyranid aliens

i just love love love the metaphors and similes warhammer writers use "[the ship] jerks into the air like a scalded animal" huron: lmao think twice daemons you're not getting onto my ship

pros in favour of huron being an ultramarine successor: organized, likes logistics, wants to have all the details available cons against him being one: doesn't think or talk in their stupid "theoretical/practical" huron: the problem with being a chaos space marine is that sometimes your ship eats your space marines and also people get into fights all the time so you have no clue how many people you actually have on board or who they are

RIP

also, i still find it hilarious that the warp tastes like burned sugar to everyone me ruining my candymaking attempt because i looked away for five seconds and it burns: this is so warhammercore huron: if you don't want to use your own soul to make bargains, store bought is fine

The level of willpower

daemon tries to tempt him huron: BEGONE THOT the whole bit was great

"...their enemies for them"

so, like, i know he's unreliable narrator but this is really adding fuel to my theory that the official story about the badab war has propaganda. Like I'm not gonna say he did nothing wrong, lmao, but it doesn't fit with his personality.

griza my beloved

sits bolt upright POV SWITCHING THERE WAS POV SWITCHING IN ONE SCENE AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE, BROOKS YOU SMOOTH-

Griza, no

the problem with might makes right huh what i find interesting is that it's a philosophy he's adopted as a means to an end rather than a goal in and of itself huron's POV is so fun

that's a burn all right

im not sentimental, local space pirate says sentimentally, with a sentimental expression

also i am standing by my opinion that huron would be able to fix ahriman (and the ship of misfits) BUT it would require some fairly specific circumstances

honestly ahriman is a character i don't really want to write it's hard to put him in wacky shenanigans maybe im unnecessarily constraining myself lol i did start uh writing a huron fic though involving time travel

wait i forgot to meme huron: you captured guilliman and you LOST him??? HOW do you LOSE a primarch??? Verngar: you forget to cherish him wait ok my further thoughts which i prob shouldnt be typing due to arm lol

i love how the imperiums enemy is forged from itself Meanwhile he’s constantly fending off demonic temptation that feels like his own thoughts

RIP Griza, she ended up sacrificing herself for the Imperium in the end

looks like the red corsairs are blasting off again….

anyways it was a fun book

I had two issues with the book: one is that it felt more like an extended character study of Huron than a proper novel. It was a fairly fun character study because Huron's a fun character, so it didn't bother me too much, but it is an issue. The second, and the one that bugged me more, was that it was really more of a tie-in to the "main plot" rather than standing on its own, the plot was really the weakest element.

It also had a subtly different interpretation of the setting from the other 40k books I've read so far (I'm ignoring the HH, because those SHOULD be clashing with 40k in terms of atmosphere, tone, etc), the kind of thing you get when you have multiple writers taking over from each other and you get stuff that clashes tonally and also in where they take the feel of the worldbuilding, I don't know the term for this. You see it in comics all the time when a new writer takes over and decides to put their own spin on things which may be fine on its own but can have some radically different interpretations of characters or setting elements etc. This is really more of a minor issue for me, and Brooks doesn't go as far as I've seen in comics, otherwise I'd be listing this under main issues, but it definitely feels like he's working from a different franchise bible than French/Haley/ADB (assuming they HAVE a franchise bible which I highly doubt given what I've seen of Black Library's competency or lack thereof. To be fair given the sheer scale of 40k any such beast would likely be the size of a contemporary Sanderson novel). By that I mean, it doesn't feel like he's doing his own spin on it, but that, again, he's writing an extended supplement for the game so it hews more closely to the tone, atmosphere, setting details, etc. as they're presented in codices. I used a lot of words here to dig into a minor complaint that's YMMV on whether it's even a negative or not, and I'm still not sure I was able to describe what I wanted to lol.

#warhammer 40k #bluejay reads warhammer

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londonspirit · 4 months

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No day but today...

... rather apt today.

Just saw the German version of RENT this afternoon, and it was amazing! (Go and see if you can.)

Never wrote my New Year’s note this late on the day. (Didn’t really feel like doing it at all today but then -as always- i just started and here we are!)

What a fucking year! What a FUCKED up year. What a GREAT year. As always lately, it’s been all over the place.

2023.

The year our mom died. The year we lost the last family member that’s not a sister. Now we’re truly on our own. It still hurts, mostly because of the holidays. You get through the loss, especially if you don’t really have time to properly grieve because you have to take care of soo many things, dissolve the place your parents (and you) lived for the past 40 years, take care of all the things that need to be done, and say goodbye to being your parent's child.

Fuck, just writing this is painful as fuck. But hey, it’s New Year’s Eve - last day of the year, reveling in all the things that happened, so tears are very much allowed.

So yeah, losing mom was just horrible but as always with me there’s a BUT.

There were the most beautiful friends that got me through this. The most wonderful souls that helped me deal with a loss nobody should go through and yet we all have to.

I love you all so fucking much, you have no idea!!! Thank you for being there for me.

Seeing Robbie Williams live again was an amazing start to the year. That man's never been happier on a stage and it showed. (Which is funny, sometimes things come rather late in life!)

Seeing the usual suspects at Fed Con is always the highlight of my year! And this year even more so!

There were six glorious summer days in London. Meeting and hugging friends, enjoying the most beautiful city, exhibitions and theatre; and seeing one of the most hilarious people who I’ve NEVER thought I’d ever see live. (Stumbling into the MI premiere on my way to the Rhys gig was just a cherry on top of a rather epic gig already!). Hearing the wonderful Elliot Page read from and talk about his book was inspiring as hell; and seeing the lovely Toheeb Jimoh giving a breathtaking Romeo just rounded up a much much needed London trip.

Here’s hope I’ll be back very soon - it’s been too damn long again.

Spending a much needed and way too short day on the beach with my darling sister? Fucking priceless - I didn’t even know I needed that as much as I did. We’re definitely doing that again!!! I’ve forgotten how fucking healing the ocean is.

Speaking of ocean: MORE PIRATES!!! Yes, of course there’s them, to help and heal some more, giving me back all the SQUEE and FEELS that can make the shitty things just a tad better!!! Here’s to an announcement for Season 3 VERY SOON!!! We (read: the world) NEEDS more queer pirates to brighten our dark days!!! There's NOTHING BETTER to keep one's spirit high!

And another thing I NEVER thought may happen, just fucking happened. Going to Amsterdam with a dear friend for a gig (and some dutch culture) and then just hanging about for shits and giggles because we didn’t have anything else planned for the night. And then actually MEET the loveliest Noah Reid, TALKING to him, thanking him for coming over and getting pics with him? Yeah well, nothing I had on my 2023 bingo card.

But then again, NOTHING that happened this year was on there so yeah…

Losing our beloved family cat also hit very hard but he was old and ill. And he had a very loving home despite having to move so there’s that. I still miss the pitter patter of his paws and his enraged meow’s at 5 in the morning. (Yes, there will be a new one - soon. I just want to renovate first!)

But it’s also the small things that made this year not entirely horrible.

Random greeting cards, texts and calls from dearest friends to cheer me up. You guys don't even know how much i love you all! I hope I can repay you ALL this coming year because you fucking deserve the freaking world!!!

Spending time with my sister and forgetting the world for one glorious sun-filled, salt-tasting afternoon in the sea.

Chats and zooms with beloved friends, giggling about silly things and trying to keep each other going through the hard times but also the good.

Looking back at 2023 with about an hour to go, at home, calm and cozy in bed, waiting for midnight (slightly tipsy because WINE!), is something new for me. Usually we’ve been to the parents for Christmas and New Year’s. Now we have to come up with something new, something for US, and we will. Next year. For now I can’t wait to see the backend of 2023.

I have high hopes for 2024.

Seeing more friends, the ones I haven’t seen in a while, and the ones I see on a regular basis. Because there’s nothing more important than the people around you, keeping you going, holding you when shit goes down and cheering you on when good things happen.

Traveling more, without the worries which will be a change.

Maybe…finally going to see the Bestie on HER home turf (haven’t told her that one yet, but that’s a thing I want to do!).

So…

That’s the annual look-back. Tears were shed writing this, but there were also smiles. Because in the end the only things that matter are the memories we make - good AND bad.

Again: No Day But Today.

Hug your loved ones, tell them you love them. Make amends if you need to. End things that needs to be ended. Live your life to the fullest because we all only have this one life.

Make it count, people. Make it fucking count!!!

Happy New Year. May 2024 be a fantastic one! May it be peaceful and happy, with all the wonderful things still to come!!!

#personal #annual review #happy new year #tw: loss of a parent #(just in case)#no pics this year #maybe edit them tomorrow

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varadasethus · 4 months

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On the tenth anniversary of Matt Smith regenerating into Peter Capaldi, I'm thinking of my relationship with the doctors - my reaction to their casting announcement and my feelings once they showed up on screen.

With Matt Smith's announcement, I was bereft. I was out for a family dinner in Glasgow on the night he was announced and specifically wanted to avoid my day being ruined by the announcement. Of course, one of those electronic screens with breaking news in the town centre told me anyway. He was so young, so odd, but of course anyone would've been wrong. David was my doctor, the first doctor I watched live, and so it wasn't an issue with Matt himself but in the possibility of change.

When David regenerated, as a stubborn ten year old I refused to accept the new doctor. Series 5 won me over, of course, and a new age of love for the show began, one with countless rewatches at sleepovers and theorising in Morrisons over what the resolution to That Cliffhanger could possibly mean.

By series 7, I was jaded. The resolutions to Those Cliffhangers were never nearly as clever or as exciting as I'd thought up in my head, and the trailer for series 7a was dire. Despite my love for Asylum of the Daleks, A Town Called Mercy brought the first ever episode I didn't watch live, and didn't bother catching up on for many years. Watching The Angels Take Manhattan, I discovered true disappointment. This was the first episode where every minute felt like a betrayal, everything wrong with the world. I rewatched for the first time a couple of years ago and unfortunately I still feel the same! Then came Clara. I disliked her intensely, to the point where I was banned from watching the show after The Rings of Akhaten (I snuck round to my friend's house to watch Cold War) and didn't watch again until Name of the Doctor.

Then came the news Matt was regenerating. An excerpt from a note of my thoughts at the time "I can't say I'm too surprised, but I don't know how I feel about it. I guess I'm disappointed but I won't miss him too much. I have mixed feelings. I guess if it was the Pond era then I would've been really sad but not so much with Clara." Of course, the rumours of his replacement quickly began, and Peter Capaldi was the frontrunner from very early on. I hadn't seen him in anything (other than Doctor Who but I don't remember having any opinion on his performance there) but I was okay with the rumours. Watching him come out of the doorway on Doctor Who Live: The Next Doctor, something settled within me. It was instant - this was the doctor. Despite my lack of knowledge about him, everything in me screamed that he was born to play the doctor. The future was in safe hands.

I won't bother going over my feelings about Day of the Doctor, that's for another day if ever, but I was suitably excited to see Peter's eyebrows, and went on about them for ages after the episode. In the end, when Matt regenerated, I was sad. It was an emotional episode and despite my opinion souring by the end, he had been such a big part of my life and shaped the way I consumed media and shared my love of television with friends after the primary school playgrounds were left behind. And then we met Twelve and saw a preview of series 8, and all my sadness faded into sheer excitement.

Series 8 brought a trip to Cardiff for the premiere of Deep Breath. Fifteen year old me was captivated by the red carpet and all the actors who we were yet to meet (Samuel Anderson! Michelle Gomez!) and Peter and Jenna themselves! (Jenna especially in that red dress, how I didn't know I liked girls from that day is truly a mystery.) The episode itself was... bad, even if it took me several years to admit it, but my love for the show felt as though it was at a peak all over again - and actually the red carpet experience was probably a foundation for going to soap awards and comic cons going forward. Waiting 3 weeks for the second episode was agony, as was the two week wait to talk about the episode itself - the clockwork droids had relatives! The gatekeeper of nethersphere showed up in the first episode?!?!?!? Was the half-face man pushed or did he jump? (Still waiting on the answer to that one Moffat.)

To cut a long story short, series 8 was everything. Series 9... not so much. My disappointment and anger over series 7 was back, in a limited way after Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion, but after Heaven Sent in a massive way. I felt the show was ruined again. Then came series 10 and, to put it bluntly, any companion that wasn't Clara was a win in my books. Bill did more than win me over though! Series 10 was a triumph and is still my favourite series. I was devastated at the thought of losing Peter. He was my second favourite doctor, next to David (he was joint favourite even then really but I was still so in love with the tenth doctor that I wasn't willing to admit it to myself and honestly it's only been in the last two years that I've admitted to myself and others that he's now my actual favourite).

The Kris Marshall rumours began and continued relentlessly, and I hated it. Despite my misgivings over a female doctor back in 2013, I was now in favour of a more diverse doctor. I could not handle another white man. It was with trepidation that I watched the dreadful Wimbledon final (nothing against Wimbledon, everything against RF), praying that Kris Marshall wasn't about to appear in front of my screen. I had a shrine next to me, dressed up and filmed my reaction, it was all very cute. Jodie emerged from under the hood and my relief was immense. Some of my tumblr tags from that day "I've never yelled so much in my life, she was outstanding in broadchuch and I just??? It hasn't sunk in yet, I've been watching this show since I was 7 and never in my wildest dreams did I actually believe we'd get a woman doctor, and someone as amazing as her. I can't believe my fave character as a kid is now a girl, she was already an icon but now she can be an inspiration to thousands of little girls like I was". It was a breath of fresh air and despite how sad I was to lose such an amazing doctor, I knew the future was in safe hands - mostly. Privately, I worried. Jodie had been amazing in Broadchurch but I'd only ever seen her act miserable and I wasn't sure she had the range to pull off the light hearted, fun aspects of the doctor that were so central to the doctor. Still, I was so hopeful.

The regeneration episode came and I fell head over heels from the moment the ring dropped to the floor. I remember thinking how lucky I was, that I could love a show so much that I was so devastated to lose such an amazing character, but know the future was so bright. In a way thirteen would put it eventually - two hearts; one happy, one sad. I had nothing to be worried about after all. Her era brought the brightest and happiest time of my life as a doctor who fan - I finally met the doctor! I engaged properly with the fan community and made amazing friends. I got to see a sapphic doctor who relationship front and centre. Flux brought my second favourite ever series, and gosh, Yaz is just my favourite companion ever, joining Bill and Rose as the companions that have my entire heart. I've never felt so loved by a show.

Bringing us (mostly) to now. Jodie announced she was leaving on the day I left my job which was mostly very funny to me but honestly the whole thing wasn't terribly unexpected - she'd filmed three series like the previous three doctors, and I'm sure there were rumours going around before that she was going. It was almost a year before Ncuti was announced and my reaction was very ?????? because it was all so lowkey and weird. But I was excited! I hadn't seen Ncuti in everything but it was about time we had a doctor of colour and he's Scottish so that was enough for me! A little disappointed it wasn't a woman again but I know we'll get more chances to be the doctor. And he's great so far! I love his energy and he's such a fantastic advocate for the show. I'm so excited to see his take on the doctor properly and I'm sure that once again, the best is yet to come.

Peter Capaldi, though, I've never had such an instant reaction to a casting announcement, with no worries, no sense of disappointment, nothing but pure joy. And my goodness, was I right to be so sure. Peter, I adore you. Happy ten years, my love.

#about me #this is a whole essay and i don't expect anyone to read it. but i just really wanted to get my feelings out #i actually wrote this a couple of weeks ago but it seemed really random to post it then so here it is being posted on the anniversary #doctor who #as an aside i have rewatched s9 and appreciate it a lot more and i also think clara is great #ah i just love this show #and i love how the show has managed to give me the most comforting episodes and series when i've needed it the most #peter capaldi though... oh i would give anything to experience his era over for the first time. and in particular the premiere #if i'd known then that walking past me was my favourite doctor. and the master! i'd have cherished it so much more

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