#theyre like 'yeah... someone i trusted lied to me and it turned that out everything i knew to be true in my life was made up. a dream.'

[valaglarios]

i'm also fascinated w the concept of courtier-drifter maybe having latent memories of being on the zariman but having no idea what it means.

drifter: i keep having stress dreams that i'm a kid, but instead of being here, i'm on that ship in the sky. i wonder what it means.

thrax, sweating fucking bullets bc he knows Exactly What It Means: please don't become self-aware please don't become self-aware pl

#long after drifter becomes A Real Boy they have a heart-to-heart w the operator #theyre like 'yeah... someone i trusted lied to me and it turned that out everything i knew to be true in my life was made up. a dream.' #the operator who knows damn fucking well what that's like: that sucks. wanna talk about it #wfblogging

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII THABK U FOR THE TRIVIA AND ASHE SONG before i take forever 2 answer those or forget here is a blank ticket to please please talk about prime defenders and their AWFUL emotional literacy and processing skills i would literally love to read that essay so much ive also been thinking about it incessantly. big eyes staring up at u.png. ok ok peace out GOODNIGHT !!!! <33

i lied actually im not going to bed im judt thinking about this ans listening to St. John on a loop now. hello catkiss.gif i forgot how youve filled me with so much joy. that cat is so fuckign cute

anyway. hi :) prime defenders huh. this is gonna be less of an essay and more of a sleepy ramble but ohhh i have so many thoughts. they all process things so differently and none of them are good at it they all need therapy so bad. ms.g where is the hero therapy why didnt you build that into w.a.t.c.h ma'am

vyncent is probably the best at actually processing things out of all of them, he just internalizes everything to the point where he wont talk about it unless hes pushed past the breaking point. vyncent is actually very.. emotionally intelligent? i want to say mature but that feels like im singling him out because hes the oldest. i just feel like because he grew up on Fauna and had to be in basically survival mode in a world full of monsters trying to kill you.. that makes a person grow up quicker than they should. i think vyncent had a good childhood and for the most part his parents took good care of him but just.. living in that world doesnt seem like it leaves room for a whole lot of expressing emotions. vyncent is good at quick analysis of a situation, but unless a problem directly interferes with the current goal he doesnt externalize it to everyone else. but bottling up his feelings and emotions just builds up pressure over time until something like the lich makes him blow up and let it all out at once, usually in a dramatic monologue format bc condi is really good at those god damn it. also they played off the fact that vyncent said all of that to the lich and then missed his attack as a funny thing but i like to think of it as. he got too overwhelmed w his emotions and lashed out too soon it made his fighting messy. vyncent is so angry and honestly after what hes been through he deserves to be !!!!

william wisp. my boy. god hes just like me fr so much so that it physically hurts sometimes. anyway. i always think back to the scene where theyre all in the cabin talking about themselves/sharing backstories and william keeps desperately trying not to talk about himself. the fact that hes so ashamed of his powers he hides wisp form every time. two of his powers are LITERALLY a) turning invisible and b) turning intangible, usually as an excuse to leave whatever situation hes in ("accidentally" falling through the floor at opportune moments in season 1) . theres. a thing that happens at the end of episode 13/beginning of epidode 14 that youre really close to and i wont spoil yet but god it has to do with this so extremely much please come back to my inbox when you get there. youll know what it is trust me. um. yeah. so anyway. i think a lot of this comes from a place of. he doesnt want anyone to be scared of him. williams not stupid hes incredibly smart and insightful he knows his powers are objectively SCARY. hes scared of himself constantly, he doesnt want anyone else to feel that way about him, so he shifts focus whenever those aspects of himself are brought up because if someone were to think about it for any amount of time theyd realize the truth that hes scary and dangerous to be around (<< william logic. hey remember how one of the reasons he originally left deadwood was because the monsters there were attracted to the wisps and therefore Him so he left to keep his friends/family out of danger)

i think a lot about williams death and the immediate aftermath, i dont know how much you actually know and how much of this comes later but . how does he go home after waking up from that. his parents know about his powers, so they MUST know what happened. what do you think he told them when he god home muddy and dirty and broken and probably bloody after being missing for. god knows how long. how does he look his mother in the eyes and tell her her little boy is dead. but hes also not because hes standing right in front of her. how the fuck do you think he felt the first time he went into wisp form and saw his body laying there !!! of course he wouldnt want to talk about that!!!! youre gonna have to pry william wisps emotions from his cold dead hands !!!!!!!

dakota's response to the ashe situation was to run away in the woods and do nothing but train for 10 months. he didnt think about it for 10 months. i dont even have a whole lot to say about dakota other than like. stunned silence whenever his inability to process trauma is brought up because grizzly does such an incredible job at being like "you ask dakota how hes doing and his face is just blank" << paraphrased actual quote from an episode i cannot remember which one. either 11 or 12 ?

also because im thinking about him im including ashe in this. we didnt get to see a whole lot of his canon reactions to extreme emotional situations so a lot of this is just coming from My Mind but ashe seems like hed be the type to repress a lot of his emotions too. being alone in your house/in your room for extended periods of time will do that to a guy. i think he feels a lot of things and will probably very openly cry/scream/get angry when hes alone but as soon as he knows another person is there he can immediately flip the switch to turn it all off like nothing happened. very much a deadpan "im fine." if someone asks how hes doing, even if hes got like. the remainder of tear tracks down his face. cannot physically express his emotions in the presence of someone else

#very tempted to add a thing about the greats to vyncents section but i am not going to #anyway do u think it was weird for him to have the people he idolized in his brain. they knew things he thought #they felt things he felt they probably talked about it its no wormnder he keeps his emotions close to his chest etc etc etc #anyway. #im projecting a little bit on all of these can you tell. dont take any of this as canon i am fully like. #oh boy how can i put aspects of my godawful mental health practices on my favorite little superhero teens. #especially ashe be he has not a whole lot of canon basis . sorry ashe you get my emotion switch #asks #intertexts #friends!!! #jrwi pd #um!!! sorry i went off on the second william paragraph i think about the early stages of him gaining his powes a lot. #its the danny phantom in me #also that last sentence was especially mean of me sorry. i did yhat on purpose :) i love to be evil #OKAY. im going to bed for real now. i had 2 get this out of my system before i slept on it and forgot all the thoughts fresh in my mind

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Hb combining 1 w 37 in which steve (or bucky) is trying to mention that theyre a mobster but get interrupted by the rival gang and they have to run & end up in an alley 👀👀

1.  here’s people chasing us and I pulled you into the alley with me and wow you’re close

37. We’re dating and I didn’t know you were a mobster/biker

Y/N found Steve so peculiar.

This was their fifth date and Steve hadn’t so much as kissed Y/N on the cheek. He’d given her a hug after their second date, but it had been Y/N who even initiated it. Steve had placed his hand protectively on her back on their first date when a homeless man was yelling crazily on the sidewalk and started eyeing Y/N.

However, Y/N wasn’t mad about it. She was just so taken aback from it. Steve acted like men from a time when gentlemen were expected, not a rarity.

She actually preferred this slow burn. It took her awhile to trust people, men especially. Without trust, she wasn’t comfortable with intimacy, particularly physical intimacy.

Y/N just wasn’t sure if she were misreading Steve’s politeness for disinterest. Or maybe he was in the closet still, and refused to realize that maybe women weren’t for him.

But if Steve wasn’t actually interested in her, why had he insisted on taking her to dinner tonight and having their fifth date?

“I was grounded for a month after that. Mom didn’t take too kindly to me beating someone up, even if he was an asshole who was making fun of my best friend for being gay.” She told him with a nostalgic smile. 

Steve looked at her over the candlelit dinner with a amused smirk and pride in his eyes.

“Remind me never to get on your bad side,” he chuckled before taking another sip of his whiskey.

“You? I would never touch a hair on your head.”

His brows raised in surprise. “Yeah? And why is that?”

“You wouldn’t hurt a fly, Steve. I can’t even imagine you losing your temper, let alone getting into a physical fight.”

His amusement dropped for a second. But he kept his cool composure.

“Well, certainly not with you,” was all he answered back. That way he didn’t feel like he was lying. No, he’d never harm her. He struggled with even imagining a scenario where he’d lose his temper with Y/N.

The dinner as a whole was almost comically pleasant and…comfortable. Y/N had never felt that unsureness or awkwardness on any of her dates with Steve that were so common in her dating life.

Steve felt like a friend first, which took all the pressure off for Y/N and made her feel like she could just be herself.

After splitting two different desserts and espresso, the waitress brought the check directly to Steve. He thanked her by using her name, which made Y/N wonder how often he came to this particular restaurant.

Steve never let her pay for literally anything: dinner, drinks, coffee. If he thought it was too late for her to take the subway home alone, he would pay for a taxi or another ride service.

Y/N tried not to let her feminist mind get upset about it. But the way Steve went about it was so smooth and unbothered that she didn’t feel like there was something expected of her in return.

“Thanks for meeting me for dinner,” he told her sweetly as helped with her jacket and lead them to the restaurant’s exit.

“Yeah, my presence is always sought after… you’re lucky I could fit you into my demanding schedule,” she answered back so sarcastically that made him chuckle in return.

When they stepped outside, the most beautiful flurry had started. It didn’t stick to the ground and it didn’t make the air any colder. It just fell like a prop in a movie.

Y/N looked up at the sky and then smiled at Steve.

“You up for a little walk?” She asked, not ready to leave his side quite yet.

There was still so much mystery around him. She needed to solve it before she conjured up any false ideas about him.

He smiled back. “A walk sounds great.”

With Steve’s old-school manners, Y/N half expected him to offer his arm to her. But they simply walked side by side, their hands in the pockets of their coats to keep them warm.

“Are you keeping something from me?” Y/N finally blurted out after they had walked in comfortable silence for some time.

His brow furrowed. “What?”

She stopped walking and turned to face him. “You’re too perfect, Steve. You’re polite. You manage to make me feel like a lady, and just an actual respected human being. You ask me genuine questions. You pay for everything like it’s the 1930s. You haven’t tried to prematurely cop a feel – which I oddly appreciate, by the way.”

She took in a deep breath after she listed everything so quickly. “What’s your flaw, huh?”

Steve just shifted his weight.

“Are you married?”

His eyes widened. “What? No! Of course not.”

“Then do you have a girlfriend?” Y/N countered.

“No, Y/N. I’m not even seeing anyone else. Just you.”

“Are you gay?” Y/N regretted it the moment the words came out of her mouth.

Steve actually laughed at that. “I can assure you that I’m not.”

Y/N was about to continue her interrogation when Steve’s gaze went past her shoulder, clearly catching something behind her.

He muttered a curse under his breath. It was the first time she had ever heard him swear.

Without giving any warning or explanation, Steve quickly grabbed a hold a of her hand and pulled her into the nearest alleyway. Y/N yelped at the surprise of it all.

She was just about to ask what the hell was going on when she realized how close Steve was to her.

Her back was pressed against the cold brick of the building.

Meanwhile, Steve’s face was mere inches from hers.

He had yet to invade her personal space in such a way. And to Y/N’s surprise, her heart was racing from the thrill of it all instead of the anxiety it usually induced when other men did such a thing.

Steve’s eyes flickered to her lips and then dug into her gaze.

How did such a look make Y/N feel more vulnerable than any time she’d ever been naked with a man?

“Sorry–It’s just–I saw someone I knew,” he explained lamely.

Y/N nodded. “Oh, yeah? Ex-girlfriend?”

He didn’t laugh at the joke, just shook his head. “No, no.” Then he winced. “Look, I can’t – I really don’t want to lie to you.”

“Then don’t,” she retorted a bit harshly.

“I haven’t lied to you about who I am. I just conveniently left out a bit about my work.”

Y/N chuckled. “What? Are you gonna now tell me you’re some kind of New York gangster or something?”

Steve didn’t laugh once again. He swallowed. His eyes held all the answers Y/N needed.

“Holy shit,” she gasped. “You are.”

He said nothing.

It made sense, which was why Y/N knew he wasn’t pulling so weird prank on her. The money he seemed to have a plethora of. The suaveness and confident air around him. His perfectly tailored clothes.

This was the thing that made Y/N question his genuineness.

Y/N glanced back out at the sidewalk. “So, who exactly are we hiding from then? A rival gang or some shit?”

“It’s not that simple,” Steve sighed. “My…occupation… makes me more enemies than friends.”

“Did we just avoid a shootout or stabbing?” Y/N almost laughed at how ridiculous the question sounded.

“No, of course not. We’re not sloppy.” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t-I can’t have them see you. As soon as they get a look at you – or the way I look at you, for that matter – they’ll…” His words died out.

His eyes softened as he stared at her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t really know how, to be honest. Most of the women I’ve been with had an idea of who I was before agreeing to a date.”

Y/N put her hand to Steve’s chest and forced him back a few steps.

The new space between them felt like a galaxy. 

“If this isn’t some fucked up joke–”

“It’s no joke, Y/N.” Steve interrupted her.

She took a step away from him, walking backwards slowly but keeping his stare. “So, if I walk away right now…does that end with me at the bottom of the East River?” Her voice was shaking. 

Steve’s face turned crestfallen as he realized that Y/N was now scared of him, even convinced he would kill her.

“Y/N, please believe me…I’d never hurt–I’d never touch you.”

For some reason, she believed him.

But that wasn’t enough.

She started shaking her head, still tiptoeing backwards. “I’m sorry, Steve. I-I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” He challenged.

“I can’t be some mobster wife… or-or-or whatever I’d be to you.”

Steve’s head fell. All his exact fears were coming true. Fears that had grown when he realized he had started falling for Y/N. 

“I understand,” he replied evenly, even though it hurt like hell to say it.

“I’m sorry.” She was at the end of the alley again.

Did the moonlight and flurry have to frame her face so beautifully? Was this his punishment for all the terrible things he’s done?

“You don’t have to keep saying that,” he muttered. “I should be the one apologizing.”

Y/N just nodded shakily. “Goodbye, Steve.”

Then she turned and rounded the corner, leaving the alleyway and Steve’s sight.

He sighed and rubbed his face. His heart was beating so fast that he swore it was starting to hurt. He started pacing in the shadows of the alley, trying to control his emotions.

His back was turned to sidewalk when he heard the click of her heels hurriedly returning.

He whipped around.

And before he could ask her what the hell she was doing, her lips crashed to his.

Steve instantly reciprocated, clutching her face and pulling her even closer

He’d wanted to know what her lips tasted like as soon as he had seen her for the first time. But she scared the hell out of him and he tried to be a patient gentleman.

Y/N’s fingers weaved through his hair, tugging even, and it only drove Steve crazier.

Steve even let her shove him back against the alley wall.

His grip was tight and possessive against her waist.

Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what his grip would feel like against her naked skin.

Then she snapped out of it and quickly broke the kiss.

However, they lingered. Both of them were trying to catch their breath. It was the only sound in the alley. 

Steve pressed his forehead against hers.

And suddenly his hunger turned into a softness, a need for her.

But he knew what this was. And it wasn’t Y/N changing her mind.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N heaved. “I just had to know.”

Then she ripped herself from his arms and left the alley. For good this time.

———————————–

PART TWO

Feedback. Feedback. Feedback. Please. Please. Please. 

***REQUESTS ARE CLOSED***

(My inbox is already overwhelming.)

One-Shots Masterlist

#steve rogers reader insert #steve rogers one shot #mobster!steve rogers #mob!steve rogers #gangster!steve rogers #mafia!steve rogers #steve rogers angst #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #mobster!steve rogers x reader #mafia!steve rogers x reader #gangster!steve rogers x reader #mobster marvel au #gangster marvel au #mafia marvel au #mobster steve rogers au #gangster steve rogers au

[gh0st-patr0l]

Okay I’m sorry but I GOTTA go off

I’m so sick of yall acting like Luther is just a crybaby who never went through anything bad because you know! Actually! He was in that fuckin house too! He suffered trauma as well! But yall are tryin REAL HARD to make it seem like he didn’t go through shit just cause you don’t like him. It’s ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first to say he pulled some dumbass shit. I was SO pissed at the Vanya situation and nothing he’s been through excuses that. But everyone saying that he had no right to be emotionally unstable or feel bad about his trauma is straight up trauma erasure. Like yall LOVE to talk about how much you need to take emotional trauma into consideration when talking about a character- y’know, until you don’t like that character, then it’s fine to invalidate everything they’ve been through and treat them like garbage. Then it’s fine. What a bunch of bullshit.

I want yall to actually think about what he went through at All. He was manipulated by his father since birth to think he was some important hero. He was told his entire childhood that he NEEDED to do what his dad said because he was saving people!! He was helping!!! He was being the good guy!!! To the point where even when all his siblings jumped ship, he still stayed, because he had to, he had to keep helping and saving people because what else was there for him? Allison had a celebrity lifestyle, Diego wanted to be in the police force, Klaus didn’t actually care about having direction in the first place, Vanya had violin and writing. Luther’s only purpose was ever the leader, the hero, and that was all he had. Even after Hargreeves almost got him killed and turned him into what he perceived as a monster, he was still loyal because Hargreeves had manipulated him to that extent. And then Hargreeves sent him to the moon for four fucking years. I know yall like to joke like “Oh I would have loved to be on the moon by myself for a few years lmao!!! Antisocial mood haha!!!” but like actually think about it. Alone, on a barren wasteland, with nothing to eat except fucking soy paste or whatever, and no communication with anyone. Can you imagine how fucking brutal that would get? Jokes aside people are social creatures, no matter how antisocial you are, and four years of solitude would be incredibly stressful on the mind. And then to come back and find out that you spent four years of your life, in complete isolation, for nothing? That the one person you trusted the most out of anyone lied to you and did that to you on purpose? It’d be fucking devastating! So, yeah, despite what a lot of this fandom seems to think, I think Luther had a bit of a right to be upset. Just a bit.

And the thing is, yall were so quick to excuse Vanya straight up trying to slaughter MILLIONS because of her abuse. Like that’s FINE she’s still GREAT but Luther did something bad to one person because he was left emotionally unstable due to a sudden flooding of psychological consequences from decades of trauma? Ew. Unexcusable. Disgusting.

I don’t think yall realize just how easy it is to warp someone’s experiences like that. For example: Luther was abandoned by everyone he loved and spent four years on the moon in complete isolation while unaware that his father, the person he trusted most, put him up there for literally no reason. And Klaus was locked in a mausoleum for a little bit and got hooked on drugs,,, yeah

That sound like bullshit right? Because it is!!! And it still is when you reverse it. Turns out, kiddos, that with the right wording you can make anything sound inconsequential for the sake of your own half-assed argument! Wild. The truth is, Luther’s trauma was just as valid as everyone else's. He just reacted to it in a way that wasn’t as Quirky and Relatable and Easy To Swallow as Klaus or Vanya or Five. The minute you can’t pretend someone is an “UwU innocent soft babey who’s never done anything wrong” you decide that they’re a horrible irredeemable piece of shit so you don’t have to think critically about their motivations. Instead of admitting you hate the character for some petty reason you pretend that he never went through ANYTHING because then you can still act like you care so much about abuse and trauma. Stop being so self-righteous and either reevaluate your thinking or admit you don’t like Luther for whatever petty reason would actually motivate that stance, instead of acting like you’re so superior for not liking him.

TLDR:

#the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #luther hargreeves #rant

[butcanijustnot]

Dating Natasha Romanoff would include:

Tagging @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69

(If you have a character you want to see written, or you want to be tagged, PM me and I’ll add it/you to the list.)

You met her when she first joined S.H.I.E.L.D, tasked with helping her become accustomed to her new life on the right side of the law.

You ended up spending a lot of time together, helping each other with work and casually hanging out afterward.

Natasha didn’t usually trust anyone, especially having just come out of her assassin career, but she just got a good vibe off of you. You were calm and caring, but strong and brutally honest when you had to be. You did your job well and didn’t take any unnecessary shit from anyone. She just felt like you were worth her time and trust.

You had a flirty friendship, and over time you developed feelings for her, real feelings, but you never acted on them

“She’s straight.” You’d tell yourself. “And even if she wasn’t, she’d never be interested in someone like me.”

She continued to flirt, but now each long touch and strung out word burned a hole in your heart. She was something you didn’t think you could ever have, but little did you know she had the same feelings for you.

Both of you stayed in this nebulous limbo for a long time, flirting but never going anywhere, until one day you were out for drinks.  

You were both a little tipsy and in the bathroom in the club reapplying makeup. You were giggling to yourself and Natasha looked at you confused.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I love that lipstick on you.” You cooed to change the subject and shoot her a compliment. You loved the bright red lipsticks that she wore and was secretly jealous of how well she could pull them off. If only you had that confidence.

“You wanna try it?” She asked, a devilish smirk on her face.

Eh, you probably weren’t going to spend that much longer at the club anyway, you could jazz it up for the remainder of your time. “Sure!” You agreed.

Her lips crashed onto yours before you could register it and time seemed to slow right down to a standstill.

She tasted like everything you dreamt of, Scotch and lipstick and something you hadn’t tasted anywhere else that was uniquely Natasha.

She pulled away for a second and you suppressed the urge to whine at the sudden loss of contact. “Are you alright with this? I’ll stop if you’re not comfortable.” She asked.

“Please don’t stop.” You reconnected your lips with hers, full on making out this time.

Needless to say, you two hooked up that night. You promised yourself that it wouldn’t let it change the friendship you had with her, and Natasha seemed to make the same promise because your friendship remained the same after this.

Except you would sleep together every once in a blue moon. Just one major difference. Everything else was the same.

You two had this relationship for a while, friends with benefits until one-night things changed.

“Have you thought about us?” Natasha asked you as you lay in bed next to her. “About us actually…”

“Dating?” You finished for her.

“Yeah.”

“Yes. I think about it a lot actually. Why do you ask?” You questioned.

“I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been watching the other avenger pair off. Tony and Pepper are on their three-year anniversary, Steve and Sharon are a ‘thing’ now, and Clint’s just had his fourth kid. Hell, even the resident robot’s got a girlfriend!”

“Vision and Wanda are finally together!?!” You squealed. Last you heard they were relentlessly pining for one another. You didn’t know the Avengers personally but Natasha told you all the good gossip.

“Yeah, they're pretty adorable.” She took a deep breath and continued. “I want to be happy like they all are, and when I think hard about who could really make me happy…” She paused and looked over at you. “I can only ever think of you.”

Your heart almost exploded right then and there. You enveloped her in a soft hug. “Natasha Romanoff, that is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. I’m so glad I can make you as happy as you make me, and if you’ll have me, I’d be honoured to be your girlfriend.”

To be honest, your relationship didn’t change too much after you got together. You went out more together, either for coffee before work or dinner and drinks after. It was simple but you liked it.

Your relationship was never truly monogamous until you both stopped working for S.H.I.E.L.D. Both of you had jobs that involved seducing people for information and assassination, so you both had to be comfortable with the other doing so. Luckily, Natasha trusted you and you trusted her, and you were both very open and honest about what happened on missions. There were no secrets between you, why would you need to have them?

Natasha didn’t tell the other Avengers she was dating anyone until a couple of months down the track. In fact, she didn’t tell anyone for about three months. You were a little confused but didn’t question it. Then, when she finally did tell them, you immediately found out why.

“They want to meet you. All of them.” Natasha said, flopping down on the bed with a groan. “They asked me about a thousand stupid questions.”

“I’m happy to meet them, but all at once sounds pretty daunting. Plus, the questioning will make me super nervous.” You mumbled, petting her hair as she lay face down in the mattress.

“I know. I told them to wait and I’d introduce you in due time when you’re ready.” She got up and nodded.

“Thanks, babe.” You whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

Of course, it didn’t work out that way.

First, Steve and Sam ‘run into you two’ out on a morning jog. Sam maintains that it was a total accident.

It wasn’t.

They ask you some questions and you answer politely. Natasha’s a little ticked off that they’re here but doesn’t say anything, just shoots them glares when you aren’t looking. Eventually, you split up and head home, you waving goodbye and Natasha grumbling under her breath.

“I like them.” You say, catching her off-guard. “If all your friends are like that then I can’t wait to meet them.”

Next day your home and hear a knock at the door. When you open it, a short brunette kid is staring up at you. He looked at you and his eyes widened. He almost seemed shocked you had opened the door.

“Hello there. I’m Peter and I’m here to…. Check the…. Check for…. Gas! I want to check on your gas pipes! I’m in the area surveying gas pipes!!” He said, clearly lying. You recognized the name but it took you a second to place it.

“Peter? As in…. Peter Parker? The Arachnid kid?”

“It’s… It’s Spiderman. How’d you know? Did Natasha tell you? She promised not to!”

You raised your hands in surrender. “No, I put it together myself. A kid gets a Stark internship and starts hanging out with Tony Stark, and at the same time, Iron Man gets a new, smaller, younger-looking sidekick? Doesn’t take a genius, man.”

“…. I’m not his sidekick…”

“Whatever… Did Tony Stark send you here?”

“…No.”

“You’re an awful liar. Come in, I’ll teach you. I just made Hot Chocolate.”

Later that day Natasha comes home to see Peter curled up on the couch watching movies with you. He purposefully avoids her glance. She knows.

You look up at her, one arm slung around Peters' shoulders. “Nat, I better meet your friends or they’re never going to stop turning up in our life.”

So, you do, at the next huge Stark party. Despite it being a Stark party, all the attention was on you, which was a strange new experience. They seem to really like you. They approve of your influence on Natasha and firmly believe you love her, which you do.

You patch her up after fights, no matter how much she complains.

“Y/N, I’m a grown woman, I can patch my own bullet wounds.”

“I know you can but you shouldn’t have too. You’ve got a girlfriend for that.”

She lies back and grumbles. You know she’s really feeling angry at herself for getting hurt and making you worry and you’re trying to help her.

You guys have spoken about adopting a child, a little girl most likely, but have made the decision to wait until you’re both out of the dangerous jobs you’re in and can fully cater too, support and protect a child in your care.

Until then, it’s just the two of you, which is absolutely perfect.

#Avengers #avengers fandom #avengers x reader #avengers x you #avengers x y/n #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha imagine #natasha romanov #black widow #black widow x reader #black widow x you

[moodycastiel-writes]

sacrifice

summary: reader undertakes the trials to close the gates of hell in sam’s place. this is a little au that takes place during the season eight finale!

pairing: sister!reader and winchesters

warnings: angst. lots and lots of angst. foul language. y’know, the usual. there’s not a happy ending with this one. please don’t hate me (:

author’s note: i wasn’t originally going to write the confession, but i had a lot of ideas on how to establish a relationship between reader and the brothers, and i felt having her confess to her sins would make her more of an empathetic character. so yes, this is a small au that i had in mind where reader is sam & dean’s older sister who does the trials instead of sam. (((oh, also, cas does end up believing metatron and him and naomi kill metatron so the angels never fall.))) ((double also, crowley calls reader ‘fatale’, which is a rocky and bullwinkle reference, since he calls sam and dean moose and squirrel. just wanted to throw that out there in case anyone was confused to that reference!)) anywho, yeah, i hope y’all enjoy!!

——————————————————————————————————

You could hear your blood pounding in your ears as you stood at vestibule of the run-down church, your shaking hand loosely holding on to the can of red spray paint, eyes trained on the devil’s trap you painted. This was it. Everything that has happened this past year is finally coming to an end.

You let out an uneven breath as the doors opened gently, the heavy footsteps of your brothers approaching you with caution.

“Do you have him?” you asked, not bothering to lift your tired eyes to meet them.

“Yeah,” Sam spoke, a level of uncertainty to his voice. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I have to,” you answered, turning around curtly and brushing past Sam and Dean, leaving the church as you neared the Impala. It was only a few moments before they were both at your side again, the hot sun doing little to warm the permanent chill that settled into your soul when you first started the trials.

“We should get started,” you said, turning to Dean, “the sooner the better.”

Dean nodded his head and smiled at you, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He opened the trunk and pulled out a handcuffed Crowley, completely at your disposal. Dean walked the demon into the church to get him ready, leaving you alone with Sam.

“How are you holding up?” he asked you as you grabbed the jar of holy oil from the back seat.

“Fine,” you responded, an unintentional iciness to your voice. “I’ll be better when this is all over.”

Dean walked back outside to meet you and Sam, wiping his hands on his pants. “Crowley’s all prepped and primed,” he turned to look at you, “How we feeling about this?”

“Honestly?” you asked, looking between your younger brothers, “Good. Better than what I have in a while. I think we’re finally going to win. This is all going to be over,” you sighed, a ghost of a smile appearing on your face for the first time in a long while.

Sam clapped a hand on your shoulder, but Dean cleared his throat behind you two. “All right, well, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished. What's the good father's playbook say now?”

You looked around the outside of the church eyes falling over the stained-glass windows. “Well... Now that we got the consecrated ground, I just, uh,” you cleared your throat, “I slip Crowley one dose of blood every hour for eight hours and seal the deal with a bloody-fist sandwich. That oughta do it.”

“Your blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it?” Dean remembered, “You ever, uh -- you ever done the ‘forgive me, father’ before?”

You shook your head, gaze dropping to the ground. “No, never. I have no idea what I should even say,” you admitted.

A thousand things were running through your head. All the countless times you’ve fucked up over the years. From the second your mother burned on the ceiling of Sam’s nursery to now, there was so many things you could confess. All the lies and betrayals, the murders and all the innocent people you’ve let die. Tears pricked your eyes, but you cleared your throat and blinked them away.

“Well, I could give you some suggestions,” Dean tried.

“O-okay, yeah. Sure,” anything could help.

“Alright,” he glanced at Sam, who had a disapproving look on his face. “Well, there was the whole siding with the demons thing. Or, um, ditching me when we were in Purgatory. Saying yes to Michael. Oh, also—”

“I get it!” you cut him off, not believing all the things he was currently throwing in your face. A wave of guilt washed over you, and an unsettling silence washed over you three.

“Well, we’re not getting any younger,” you finally said, passing Sam the jar of holy oil before making your way to the church.

“Hey!” Dean called after you, “Maybe open what you did to Penny Markle? In the sixth grade?”

You shot him a confused look, “That was you.”

Dean paused, the memory of what he did to poor Penny coming back to him. Clearing his throat, he waved you off. “Nevermind! Carry on.”

You rolled your eyes at him and made your way back into the church, closing the door behind you. You did you best to ignore Crowley’s eyes following your every move as you walked into the confession room, taking a seat on the bench.

“Okay,” you let out a shaky breath, “if anyone is listening, here we go.” You paused, your eyes screwing shut tightly. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” A cool blast of wind rushed by you, ruffling through your hair. You took it as a sign that someone, somewhere was listening, and continued on. “I have made a lot of mistakes. I have so many regrets, so many sins, that I don’t even know where to begin. I watched my brothers die, so many times, for what? To fulfill some stupid prophecy? I should have protected them. I—” you stumbled on your words, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

You wiped at your face and continued on. “I never should have let Dean sell his soul for Sam. It should have been me. I was supposed to do everything I could to protect those boys. If I just strapped on a pair, Dean never would have went to hell, and the seals never would have been broken. This is all my fault. I have to fix it.” The tears were falling freely down your face now, but you didn’t care enough to wipe them away. “I shouldn’t have let Sam ever say yes to Lucifer. I could have said yes. He never would have gone to Hell and lost his soul. It’s all on me.”

You took in another shaky breath, trying to calm down. “Leaving Dean alone in Purgatory… I don’t even know what I was thinking. I was so stupid,” you let out a humorless laugh. “I thought I was doing my best to protect him, but deep down I was trying to get away from him. From Sam. I caused so much pain in their lives, that it would be better if I just disappeared from their lives all together. 

“But those things I’ve confessed, those sins I’ve committed, they’re not even the icing on the cake. I have so many things just piling up that I could sit here forever, but I don’t have enough time. My greatest sin, the tip of the iceberg… What I want forgiveness from the most is how,” your voice broke as you choked back a sob. “My greatest sin is how many times I’ve let my brothers down.”

An ache settled in your chest as you confessed what you never thought you’d say out loud in a million years. Another breeze of wind brushed past you, and you took it as a sign that your confession was over. You wiped your face, leaving behind all the traces of your confession in that booth and stepped out, your guilt weighing on your soul heavier than before.

Crowley stared at you with a smug look on his face, no doubt he heard everything you had just said. Eyeing a roll of duct tape on the table with your gun, the needle, and holy water, you grabbed it and ripped a piece off, tightly taping the demon’s mouth shut.

“Not a word,” you sneered, walking out of the church. You saw Sam and Dean talking with Castiel at the Impala in hushed tones. You couldn’t make out what they were saying from the distance you were at, and crept closer to them to make something out.

“—You’re asking us to leave her, Cas. Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing all the heavy lifting, it’s [y/n]” you were able to make out from Dean’s whispering. His confession about you was like a slap in the face. Did he really not trust you that much? Thinking you needed a chaperone for everything you did?

“You should you,” you announced, startling your brothers. You knew Cas was aware of your presence, and did nothing to acknowledge him.

They turn to look at you, a guilty look on their faces. “Seriously,” you added, not wanting to continue this conversation.

“Yeah, and leave you alone with the King of Hell? Really?”

You frowned at Dean, not understanding why he can’t trust you to do this one thing. Did he really expect so little of you where he is always prepared for you to fuck up and need someone to clean up your mess?

“Yes, really,” you snapped. You ignored the look of hurt that crossed over his face. “You two can’t do anything to help me. This is on me. I think I can get through one little thing without fucking it up.”

“[Y/n], you know that’s not what this is about,” Sam said gently. “It’s not that we don’t trust you. We don’t trust Crowley.”

“Crowley is bound to where he sits,” you argued, “nothing, not even the king of Hell, can get through both a devil’s trap and the chains we have him in.”

“Fine,” Dean said, “Start the injections now. If we’re not back in eight hours, finish it, no questions, no hesitation.”

“Yeah,” was all you responded. Castiel placed a hand on each of your brother’s shoulders and with the flap of his wings he was gone, leaving you alone at the church. With a heavy sigh, you made your way back into the building, facing Crowley. His words to you were muffled under the duct tape, but that didn’t stop him from blabbing. With a roll of your eyes, you ripped the tape off of his mouth, ignoring his wince of pain.

“You really think injecting me with human blood is gonna make me human? Did you read that on the back of a cereal box?”

You ignored the demon as you picked up the needle, pushing it into the vein in your arm. You drew enough blood and slowly ejected it, and walked over to Crowley.

“Are you listening to me, brat?”

“Shut up,” you sneered, thrusting the needle into his neck. He howled in pain as you yanked the needle away.

“You're miles out of your league, kid,” Crowley barked at you as you turned your back on him.

“See you in an hour,” you called over your shoulder, walking to the table at the altar. Your arms began to glow that golden color that always appeared after you completed the trials. Why was it showing up now? You bit back your pain, your hands forming into tight fists, waiting for the pain to go away. When the light finally faded from your veins, you let out a breath of relief and sunk to the ground, your back resting against the altar. You looked up at the cracked statue of Jesus on the cross and closed your eyes, waiting for your watch to beep, signalling the next round of injections.

—————————————————————————————————————

When your watched finally beeped after an agonizingly long hour, your were up on your feet as fast as you could get, the needle already in your hand. You ejected more blood from your veins into the syringe and made your way back over to Crowley, who looked at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. You ignored the look in his eyes and issued the second dose of injections into his neck. In the blink of an eye, Crowley’s head turned and his teeth sank into your forearm, hard enough to draw blood.

“What the fuck!” you exclaimed in pain, drawing your arm back and clutching the new wound in pain. You gave him an exasperated look before punching the demon across the face. “Seriously? Biting? What are we, five?”

You shook your head as you walked away from him, placing the needle back onto the table. You spared Crowley another bitch-face as you walked out of the church, slamming the door behind you. You walked to the trunk of the Impala and grabbed bandages to wrap up your arm. As you secured the bandages, your arms began to glow again, and you fell to the rubble on your knees.

“Stop it,” you groaned as the light grew brighter. “Please.”

Finally, the light faded again, leaving you struggling to get a grip on your breathing. With struggle, you turned your body to sit upright against the Impala, your head falling back, staring at the sky. The sun had begun to set in the distance, the sky painted with beautiful sparks of color.

“I can do this,” you whispered determined to yourself, “I can do this.”

—————————————————————————————————————

Another hour had passed by and you made your way back into the church, stuffing more bandages in your pocket before doing so. At the sound of the door opening and closing, you heard Crowley chuckle.

“How we doin’, Fatale? Ready for another round of injections?” he asked, a joyous tune to his voice. You ignored him and filled the syringe with another dose of your blood.

“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes,” he began singing, you instantly recognizing the David Bowie song, “turn and face the strange. Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man. Time may change me, but I can't trace—”

His singing was cut off by a loud sound, the church beginning to rumble. You quickly turned to face Crowley who seemed unfazed by the sudden shock to the church.

“What did you do?” you shouted at him over the sound of the quake. He remained stoic, but the hint of a devilish smirk rose to his face. The floorboards began to creak under your feet, a large crack running down until it severed the devil’s trap that you painted right down the center.

“Did you really think you could kidnap the King of Hell and no one was gonna notice, dumb nuts?”

An expression of fury and fear took over your features as the door to the church were ripped open, Abbadon revealing herself on the other side of the door.

“Now that’s what I call an entrance,” she gloated, patting herself on the back.

“Abbadon?” Crowley questioned. “They told me you were dead.”

“So not.”

“Where’s the rest of the cavalry?”

“It’s just little ol’ unkillable me,” she smirked. You turned quickly, reaching for your discarded gun, but with a wave of her hand, Abbadon sent you flying across the church and into the wall, your head slamming against the wood. You groaned as you landed on your stomach, your vision going blurry.

“Brilliant. Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight? Say your prayers, Fatale,” Crowley smirked. You tried to get up, but the Knight waved her hand again and sent you through the stained glass window to your right, immediately falling unconscious.

—————————————————————————————————————

When you came back to, it took you a minute to remember what had happened. You scrambled to your feet, hoping not a lot of time had passed in your impromptu siesta. Looking around for a weapon that you could use against Abbadon, your eyes settled on the jar of holy oil you had given to Sam. He must of left it for you, in cast of an emergency. You let out a silent thank you and patted your jacket pockets, striking gold when you felt your father’s lighter in your pocket.

You crept to the entrance of the church where the doors were still open and peered inside, eyes landing on Abbadon hovering over Crowley. You snuck inside, careful to step around any loose pieces of wood to prevent any unnecessary noises to alert your presence.

“Right now, you and I are going to talk about a regime change,” Abbadon said, crouching down to send another punch to Crowley’s face.

“You little whore,” he barked, “I am your king!”

She punched him again, this time hard enough to shut him up. When she went to stand back up, you ran forward and threw the holy oil over her body.

“Burn, bitch,” you spat, throwing the lighter on her. You watched with a smirk as her body lit up in flames and she screamed in pain as her vessel burned. Her mouth opened wide and she exited the body before any further harm was done to her, and she escaped the church in a flash of black smoke.

Without wasting any time, you made work of picking Crowley back up and fixing the chair so it was back in the devil’s trap. He groaned as he came back to consciousness, watching you with a glint of something… admiration, maybe? to his eyes.

“You did good back there, Fatale,” he congratulated you. “I'll deny it if you ever quote me, but I'm a proud man. I'm proud of you.”

You ignored his comment, instead focused on gabbing the can of spray paint you left on the table to fix the trap where it broke.

“Wait, what are you doing?” he asked.

“What does it look like?” you snapped, overly agitated at the events that had just transpired. You finished up the devil’s trap and threw the can to the side, it clattering to the ground noisily.

“Are you joking?” he asked, incredulously. “I just saved your life!”

“Seriously?” you dead-panned.

“Seriously? Me, seriously? We just shared a foxhole, you and I. We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the --the Rape of Nanking together! And still you're gonna do me like this?!”

You ignored his tangent and grabbed the needle, filling it up with your blood and jamming it into his neck before he could get another word in.

“Aah! Aah!” he exclaimed in pain, before a whole new emotion washed over him. “Band of Brothers? The Pacific?” he asked. “None of this means anything to you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once?” You shook your head at him, confused at where he was going. “Girls? You're my Marnie, Fatale. A-and Hannah, she just—she needs to be loved. She deserves it. Don't we all—you, me; we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved!” he shouted, before lowering his voice back down to a whisper, “I just want to be loved.”

You cocked your head the the demon. “What?” you asked.

A confused look washed over him, and his expression mirrored yours. “What?”

As the moment of Crowley’s tangent passed, a wave of fatigue passed over you. The pain of where the needle was injecting into you suddenly took a toll on you. You walked back over to the table and placed it down, grabbing the spare bandages from your pocket. You wrapped where the puncture wounds were tightly, wishing right about now you had some extra strength tylenol. You took more blood from your opposite arm, wanted to be prepared for the next dose of injections just in case something else was going to happen.

“Would it be possible, Fatale, I’d like to ask you a favor,” Crowley spoke, his voice sounded drained and exhausted. “[Y/n], earlier you were confessing back there, and… well, I didn’t hear much, not really, so I’d like to know what you said.” You gave him a look that read ‘that’ll never happen.’ At the sight of your expression, he instantly clarified his statement. “ I only ask because, given my history...it raises the question... Where do I start...to even look for forgiveness? I mean…” he trailed off.

You paused, shocked at the revelation. The cure, it was working.

“You start with this.”

You held the needle out in your hand, showing him what you meant. Crowley tilts his head to the side, exposing his neck where the marks of the past injections were. You gently pushed the needle through at his submission, and unlike the past ones, he showed no signs of pain, but rather contentment.

“This is going to work, Crowley,” you reassured. “You’re going to be cured, and you’ll be redeemed. I promise.”

A gust of wind blasted through the church, and your arms began to glow again, but this time there was no pain. “We’re almost done,” you whispered, not sure Crowley even heard you. “It’s time.”

You took a deep breath and began the exorcism, the final piece to purify him. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, hanc animam redintegra, lustra.”

As you pulled your knife from its holder, the light grew brighter, and you sliced across your palm. You walked closer to Crowley, and as you were about to feed him your blood, footsteps barreled through the church.

“[Y/n]! Stop!,” you turned at the noise, coming face to face with the worried looks of your brothers. You backed up from them, your hip bumping into the arm of Crowley’s chair, a confused expression on your face.

“Easy there,” Sam coaxed gently, putting his hands up. “Take a deep breath.”

“There’s been a slight change of plans,” Dean said, slightly more aggressive than Sam.

“What? What’s going on?” you asked. “Where’s Cas?”

“Metatron lied,” Sam explained. “Him and Naomi are going to confront him.”

You shook your head at him, still not understanding what was going on.

“You finish these trials, you’re dead,” Dean said bluntly, trying to get you to understand what was happening. You looked between your two brothers, then back at Crowley. You scoffed and shook your head, looking back to face them.

“So?” you said, your voice slightly breaking.

Sam and Dean’s faces melted from worry to an emotion you couldn’t place, but it was somewhere along the lines of hurt and betrayal. Betrayal. Even now, after you’ve confessed and sought forgiveness, you were still letting your brothers down in ways you couldn’t stop. It had to stop. Finishing these trials with your death, it’ll all stop.

“Look at him!” you exclaimed, pointing down to Crowley. “Look at him! Look at how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this! Who cares about me?”

You could feel the tears pricking at your eyes, but you ignored the sensation. Dean took a small step forward, his brow creasing. “Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But we can't do it without you.”

“You can barely do it with me,” you fired back immediately. The confused look on his face egged you to continue. “I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?” you couldn’t help the single tear that fell from your eyes as your voice cracked on the last word.

Sam frowned. “That’s not what he meant—”

��No, that’s exactly what he meant!” you exclaimed, cutting him off. You let out a humorless chuckle. “You want to know what I confessed in there?” you asked, pointing to the confession booth with the hand that you didn’t cut. “Do you want to know what my ultimate sin was? The thing that held me down the most?”

When neither of them answered, you continued. “My greatest sin was—is— how many times I’ve let the two of you down. I can’t keep doing it. Not again. Finishing this, it’ll end it all.”

“[Y/N]—” Sam tried, but you continued talking.

You held back a sob as the tears finally began falling. “You two don’t trust me anymore, I can see it in the way you look at me. Like I need one of you with me at all times. You haven’t trusted me in a long time, and it took me awhile to realize it, but now that I have I feel so fucking stupid for not seeing it before.” Another humorless laugh escaped your lips.

“I know I’ll never earn your trust back, there’s nothing else I can do to prove that I love you both more than anything. You don’t see it, and I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired of watching you guys turn to other people when you get sick of me.” At their confused expressions, you elaborated. “Who will it be next? Another demon? Another angel? Another vampire?” You shook your head.

“You have no idea what it feels like to see the two people you thought—”

“Hold on, hold on!” Dean cut you off, finally breaking you from your tangent.

“You seriously think that?” Sam questioned, taking a step forward to be back in-line with his brother. “Because none of it, none of it is true.”

“Listen, [Y/n],” Dean began, “I know we’ve had our disagreements, all of us, okay? Hell, I know I have said some really fucked up things to get you thinking the way you are but you need to understand… I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.”

Your shoulders slumped at his confession, and the tears fell faster from your eyes. You looked between Sam and Dean, then down at your bleeding hand, and in a split second you made your decision. You turned and brought your hand up to Crowley’s mouth, and instantaneously you felt him drinking your blood. The pounding in your ears resumed, and you barely heard Sam shouting words of protest behind you.

You pulled your hand away, and the light erupted throughout your entire body. “Kah-nuh-ahm-dahr,” you whispered. Crowley let out a gasp, his eyes flicking to his demonic red, then faded completely back to his human eye color.

“It worked,” you laughed, turning to face your brothers. They looked at you with wide eyes, not daring to move. You had no time to celebrate your victory of the trials, instead a large rumbling echoed throughout the church, and the ground began to crack again.

This time, underneath the cracks in the ground, a hellish light peeked through, eating away at the floorboards. A hole opened up underneath your feet and you jumped back far enough to the edge, opposite of your brothers as your watched with wide eyes as black smoke broke through all the windows of the church, glass shattering everywhere. The sound of hundreds, if not thousands, of demons screamed as they were forced back into hell against their will. The wind picked up harshly and you were thrown back from the portal to hell, losing the sight of Sam and Dean through the smoke.

When every last demon was through the portal, it closed up tightly, no signs of what had just happened anywhere. When the smoke cleared and the dust settled, you looked across to your brothers, a smile creeping up on your face.

“I did it,” you whispered, pinching yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming.

Your heart hammered in your chest and you groaned at the pressure, stammering back an inch. Immediately, Sam and Dean were at your side as your legs began to give out, helping you to the ground. “I did it,” you repeated, your voice getting weaker, your eyelids becoming heavier.

“Yeah, [Y/N],” Sam sniffled, “you did it.” He gripped your hand tightly, squeezing it in his large one.

You smiled weakly up at him, using what little strength you had to squeeze his hand back. You looked to your other side to Dean, whose eyes were red-rimmed.

“I’m s-sorry,” you whispered at him, at the both of them.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Dean said, finally looking over your pale form.

“You have to… you have to promise me,” you croaked out, struggling to get out your final words. You coughed, doubling over as it overpowered you. Raising your free hand to your mouth, you coughed up blood into it. “No bringing me back,” you finally said. “I’m at peace.”

“You can’t ask us to do that,” Sam said. You turned to look back at him, smiling sadly at him. You grabbed Dean’s hand with your free hand, feeling your last breaths creep up on you. You could have sworn you’d seen a person standing over Sam’s shoulder, but they had disappeared before your vision could focus.

“I love you both, so much,” you whispered, you eyes falling shut. Your grip on your brothers’ hands loosened, and your chest stopped rising and falling. Your head lulled to the side, your body completely still.

You stood over your two brothers, holding your body in their arms as they wept for you. A cold hand rested on your shoulder, and you turned around with a gasp.

“Tessa,” you said, staring at the reaper.

“[Y/N],” she greeted, a welcoming smile on her face. “It’s time.”

You nodded your head and she stuck out her hand. You spared one last look at your baby brothers, and grabbed her hand in yours, your soul leaving Earth to face judgement. You did not know where you were going to end up, if your final quest was good enough to outweigh all the shit you’ve done in your life.

You knew that Sam and Dean would be okay. They always were without you.

#supernatural #supernatural one shot #supernatural imagine #supernaturalimagine #supernatural x reader #dean winchester #dean x reader #Sam Winchester #sam x reader #sister!reader

[morinokunikara]

👀☁️💕👑🌗📚💎🔪🏡🏞️🥀🌼💐🦋🍂☕🍼🕊️❤️🔥❄️🌙☀️🌟 (for Kokoro

 swputting this one under a readmore

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

yuuki. she trusts him more than anyone else. usually doing exercise will help her mood, she just loves the feeling of a good workout so much and it provides a good distraction. also sometimes just seeing yuuki smile. she loves him and she knows hes been through so much and honestly his happiness means more to her than her own.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

yuuki makes her more happy than anything else, although her clubs and friends in them do as well. winning games or a really good performance in a play will always bring a big huge smile to her face. she feels more at home in her clubs than at home, because most the time she cant get in a word with yuuki bc her parents are hogging her. 

happiest she ever was was when her family went to destinyland and they let her and yuuki walk alone together. they got some real bonding time, riding rides and getting dinner together, and then watching one of the fireworks shows. its the most time she ever got to spend with him without their parents getting in the way and she treasures it forever. 

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

for her parents to pay attention to yuuki more, or just really. him being more loved in general. theres pretty much nothing that would make her regret it, and nothing she wouldn’t pay. she cares about him so so much and would give everything if it meant he was happy

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themself up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

any kind of failure, feeling like shes hated, hell sometimes just her parents praising her too much because she just gets so overwhelmed, and it makes her think too much about how ignored her brother is all the time. she usually goes out and practices her soccer or whatever show shes doing for theatre. she hides her sadness pretty well, but any of her family would be upset by knowing she’s sad (hence why she hides it)

🔥 If your OC known for having temper tantrums? If not, what gets them really angry? What makes their blood BOIL? Is there anyway to calm them down or are they unstoppable? What are they like when they’re angry? Do they take it out on their loved ones?

not at all. shes very patient and can put up with a LOT, but she will snap if someone is too mean to yuuki. i feel like she would eventually snap at her parents but she really tries as hard as she can not to bc she worries itll make things worse. bc shes so patient, when shes angry she gets so angry it can take awhile to calm her down

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearnce, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

her one requirement is “respect me and my family.” shes not picky, but she does like athletic/buff types a bit more. 

🕊️ Would your OC ever get married or are they already wed? If they’re married, describe what their wedding was like! If not, describe their ideal wedding (or do this if you feel like it anyway!)

she has this big fancy idea of a dream wedding at destinyland, with a theme centered around classic romantic plays. 

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

she does want kids, and she plans to name them all after extended family. with her strong value towards family and disappointment in her own parents, one of her biggest dreams is to raise a family with someone

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!

shes actually kind of miserable emotionally. she  it all up until she’s on her own, and then she just completely breaks down in her room. she’s had to lock herself in the restroom in public a few times bc one small thing will happen and it’ll just be the straw the breaks the camel’s back

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

she HATES summer but loves spring. its too hot in the summer to work out as much as she’d like. she doesn’t like winter much for the opposite reason of it being too cold, and is kind of neutral on fall. she thinks spring is prettier.

🦋 If your OC could change everything (or just something) about their life would they? What would they change? What do they think would happen if they did? What would their loved ones think?

oh yeah she’d def change a lot. give herself better parents that pay attention to their children equally, make herself less talented, anything that’ll get her less attention and yuuki more attention

��� Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

she loves flowers!!! her and yuuki have a garden together in their backyard... her crown would be azaleas (patience), hydrangeas (pride),  and spider lilies (sweet)

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

(dont have the brain power for a drabble rn but) im 90% sure itd start with her accidentally kicking a soccer ball in someone’s face and then being like “oh fuck theyre cute”

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

not physically, but she got really hurt by yuuki once because of a misunderstanding. she talked about wanting to play volleyball at shujin and yuuki panicked because oh god know i cant let him get to her i have to protect her and she took him objecting to it as him being jealous and they got in a huge argument over it. she was so upset that, in her mind, yuuki was so bitter and jealous he wouldnt let her follow her dreams

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

brazil!!! she’s heard a lot about amazing brazilian soccer players and wants to see it for herself. she would never want to live there though, or really anywhere outside of tokyo 

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

a moderately-sized house for a small family of four, like the one she lives in. it’s decorated with the achievements of her family (trophies, art, etc). a kitchen big enough for the family to cook together, and a fancy dining room. lots of family photos on the walls and any available surface, and a family garden in the backyard. 

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

shes never been through any of that fortunately 

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

she collects playbills and a few different sports trading cards!! the playbills started when she saw her first play at 5, and the trading cards at 8. she has several large folders for her cards and a big huge box for her playbills

📚 If your OC was given some kind of forbiddon knowledge, what would they do with it? Would they tell anyone? Use it for evil or good? How would it change their outlook on life, if at all?

shed keep it super super super secret... would do everything in her power not to use it at all, but if she did she’d use it for good. 

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

early mornings!!! she goes for a short jog every morning before school, and then helps her dad with breakfast and sometimes drags yuuki out of bed if he oversleeps 

👑 If your OC was made royal (or is royal) how would they use their power? Are they a good leader or bad? Do their subjects like them or is it ‘off with their head’? Do they enjoy being royal?

shed be a very kind ruler, and try to listen to and solve all the problems she possibly could. so ofc shes very very loved. she doesnt like it though. she doesnt like having that much power, she feels its unfair. 

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

she loves to cuddle with people, physical affection is one of her main love languages. she hugs yuuki every time he walks through the door. she doesnt want much beyond that though, at least at her age 

☁️ What’s something your OC wishes they could forget? Why is this? Or, what is something that your OC has forgotten? (or do both!)

she wants to forget her biggest screw up in her mind- when she was so nervous for a play (her biggest role at that point), when she got onstage she panicked and totally forgot her lines and just. completely froze. 

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

ofc i gotta do yuuki 

she’s an adorable and caring little sister he loves so much. he’s a bit jealous of her, but he doesnt blame her for anything. he just wishes he could be as good and loved as she is. 

#god i lost focus like 4 times doing this #sorry if the answers arent particularly amazing i started feeling rlly yucky midway through #but wanted to finish #Anonymous #mailbox #oc tag: kokoro

[fancybois]

So a few weeks ago Sophie ( @buzzfeedworthit​) and I came up with this AU based off of the In Control With Kelsey Worth It episodes and she complied it. It’s not a fleshed out fic at all but the idea is there and it would be a dope long length fic 

Vampire!andrew’s outfit from the sims

He’s a vampire gang boss (?) who runs an underground gambling ring/casino behind a restaurant

Casino is v fabulous and opulent

Steven is a rookie detective who is trying to take down the upper crusts

Upper crusts are an organization involved in bribery/financial corruption in local politics posing as a food club

Steven asks around and is referred to andrew

Steven goes to the underground casino trying not to reek of cop to meet andrew

He is v intimidated but andrew is such a character who loves cats and immediately takes to steven “yeah i do crime but what r u gonna do abt it if u need my help” dynamic

Steven begrudgingly moves forward w getting andrew’s help and andrew makes him part of the crew so he can go undercover

TENSION everyone else can feel too

Andrew’s underlings just roll their eyes every time andrew tries to flirt w steven but steven just thinks that is how andrew is

He gets flustered anyway

Underlings @ andrew: ur getting awful close to him, boss… whats ur game here

Andrew wants to drinks stevens blood too but in a sexy way

Eventually they infiltrate upper crusts

Steven starts a thing w sophia to get close to the mom (leader) for info

Andrew is salty

Steven confronts andrew about why he is so pissy and tension keeps mission from really making any progress bc of petty things andrew does bc he is jealous

Steven: andrew, this is my case i gotta do this tf

Andrew sabotages every interaction w sophia

Jealous? Logical next step? Kill the competition (andrew considers)

Conveniently, andrew finds out sophias treachery and that she has found out abt steven and andrew’s true intentions w upper crusts and esp her mother

S and A find out theyve been compromised and andrew offers to “take care of her”

Steven is like wtf no?!

Steven: ANDREW NO

Andrew: ANDREW YES

Andrew: trust me

But steven is adamant that andrew cant kill her so he turns her which forces her to switch allegiance to s and a and join A’s coven

So steven sees vampire!andrew in action and THATS how he finds out A is a vampire and  is like i didnt sign up for this shit

Andrew is like im pretty sure u approached me sweetie

Turning someone into a vampire looks to be a sensual thing w sharing blood

With loyalty from sophia they get the info they need on her mom but it also makes steven jealous that she is now in andrew’s coven (involves doing vampire rituals together and just more time spent together doing vampire shit)

Prompts steven to reevaluate his feelings and deal w shock of finding out andrews… condition (and realises that andrew spending time w sophia bothers him but not because he is into sophia….hmmm)

Im jealous of my ex fake gf???

Eventually comes to terms w it but is convinced andrew is not into him bc he has read all their interactions as andrew being flirty w everyone is just his personality

Also how could be possibly be w a vampire--one who already has a lady vampire conveniently in his coven

Steven decides he needs distance

Ignores andrew

Angst ensues

Decides he has enough info and it is time to get the boss of upper crusts and take her down

Problem is andrew is his only ally but steven is not thinking clearly and goes after her by himself

Gets into dangerous situation

PLOT TWIST: dangerous situation is that clara has control over bernard and she commands Bernard to possess steven

Compels steven (bernard as steven) to do bad shit

Then he is made out to be bad guy after getting caught doing crime

Gets arrested and cops think he has been feeding info to baddies or is even a baddie boss himself (of upper crusts which effectively stops cops being interested in them bc they think they caught the boss)

Ryan and shane are cops and they have to arrest steven even tho theyre friends and it is sad “how could u steven”

Andrew knows something is wrong, this isnt steven and he confronts clara willing to do anything to get bernard out of steven

He confronts clara in mysterious and tense and elegant meeting at jazz bar

Andrew: cut the shit clara what did u do

Clara sippin that martini “shame about your lover but bernard is so enjoying himself”

Andrew is like wtf so hes possessed???

Clara: u have something of mine

Andrew: ur daughter isnt a possession?? (andrew and sophia have bonded and are homies by this time)

Becomes apparent clara doesnt give a shit abt her daughter and just thinks it would be beneficial to have a vampire for upper crusts’ dynamic

Andrew goes to sophia and tells her what happened

Sophia knows he loves steven so she agrees saying it will be ok and a good chance to re-infiltrate

Bernard leaves steven and then she waits til the right moment and BLEEDS HER MOM DRY

Clara: go get ur man, andrew

Steven is locked up and andrew seeks out ryan and shane and tells them everything

But hes a criminal and as a consequence of approaching the PD he gets taken in

Steven is disoriented when bernard leaves his body (violent exit, body wracking, vomiting) and he is suddenly like What am i doing here what is happening??

Andrew has explained but nobody believes possession (cops r like yeah wow that was quite the stomach flu steven had)

So andrew is like: fine… and bc he needs to redeem steven he owns up to everything and says he was controlling steven

So steven gets let out as andrew is booked

They tell steven he was being “controlled” but the term means different things to the police and to steven (bc he knows he was at least blacked out)

Leaving steven heartbroken that he was manipulated (the tale andrew told to save steven)

Steven goes to confront andrew

Why, if any of their tension was real

Andrew responds by speaking in code that yes it was real and that he lied to get steve out so that he can finish the mission (and bc he loves steven)

Steven is confused but goes to sophia who tells him what the code means and helps plan to break andrew out

Steven is ready to do illegal shit and break laws to get andrew out bc love

Steven could confess to his undercover work and tell everyone that andrew was helping

What andrew was booked for no longer valid bc govt sanctioned task to help them bring down actual culprits

Andrew knows that steven doing illegal shit would change steven and he doesnt want steven to do that and convinces him otherwise and do do (above) rather than jailbreak and run away together

Suddenly Steven and andrew told theyre good to go and steven is like how? (he was in middle of planning how to explain but doesnt have means to prove it bc it was super under cover and involves supernatural)

Suddenly rie (police boss) comes out as the one who assigned steven the task and backs him up (thus why they were let free)

Upper crusts taken down w info provided by sophia- paper trail bc clara is gone leaving everyone in gang in disarray

Someone had tried to step up and strongman it by ordering a hit on another group to strengthen their position but it goes awry bc they suck at crime and leadership

BUT dun dun hit is on andrew and steven

Could one of them die???

Upper crusts set up a hit and then sophia tells S and A bc she had stayed on and so they set up a trap

BUT audience doesn’t know that sophia has told them and helped them so threat of ch death hangs

Lets hit go thru and then it is explained that they knew and baddie is like WTF man

Sophia had to let it go until last minute in order to catch rest of crusts and involve PD

Case ends and epilogue is S and A in hawaii (classic) one brings the other a drink and they kiss before being like u ready?? And steven is like u bet babe (bc they’re actually there for a mission as crime fighting duo)

THE END <3

#standrew fic #standrew

[donnieluvsthings]

(babey Noah and April time) Noah stared at the girl one row over and two seats up. She had long brown hair and was listening intently to whatever was being said. He saw Claire glance back at him before whispering something in her ear. The girl looked at her before turning and gazing over her shoulder, making eye contact with Noah. She waved shyly under her desk. Noah blinked before waving back. The girl turned back to the front, ignoring the persistent whispers Claire was throwing her way. (1)

okayyyy just realized i never combined these so here it is im gonna CRY theyre the best besties and i love them sm🥺🥺🥺🥺 also heck claire all my homies hate claire

Noah stared at the girl one row over and two seats up. She had long brown hair and was listening intently to whatever was being said. He saw Claire glance back at him before whispering something in her ear. The girl looked at her before turning and gazing over her shoulder, making eye contact with Noah. She waved shyly under her desk. Noah blinked before waving back. The girl turned back to the front, ignoring the persistent whispers Claire was throwing her way.

There was a flurry of sounds and noise and suddenly the classroom was empty. Noah blinked, finding himself alone. He grabbed his stuff and left, walking down the stairs and squinting in the afternoon sun. Claire bounced up behind him, her hair swaying in the slight breeze.

“I saw you looking at her," she giggled, poking Noah's cheek. "Do you like her?" she sang, running ahead. Noah didn't respond. "You do! Oh, that's so cute, Deedee!”

He sighed, annoyed. "I don't like her, Claire."

"Don't lie to yourself, Noah! This is true love." She flung herself dramatically around. "The two of you are gonna be so in love-"

“No, Claire. I don't like her." He turned down his street, leaving Claire to sing annoying songs about him all by herself. A teenager stooped down, coming to meet his young height.

“How was school?"

“Good." Noah threaded his hand through the other's as they started to walk. "Where's Mom?"

“She's busy, so I offered to come.”

“Oh. Okay.”

The pair reached a door, and the taller one turned the handle. "We're back," he shouted.

“Thank you, Jason," a voice echoed from the kitchen as a woman stuck her head around the wall. "Make sure you boys finish your homework before you do anything else, okay?"

“Yep." Noah collapsed onto the couch, his feet swinging lazily. "I saw a girl in class today," he muttered. "She was cool."

{is there a part here idk aldkals}

[timeskip]

Noah drummed his fingers on his desk absently, watching the wind toss the leaves along the ground. There was a flurry of movement and sound and he glanced up to see the girl from a year ago smirking.

“Come on, pretty boy, I want to show you something."

He laughed and grabbed his bag. “Alright, fine-" Before he could finish, she grabbed his arm and tugged him out of the classroom. The two ran around the streets of the kingdom before she finally led the way up a hill with two trees at the very top. She collapsed to the ground, laughing before spiralling into a coughing fit. An smile of fond exasperation crossed Noah's face.

“Come on, April, you're better than that." He set down his bag gently against one of the trees. "Don't hurt yourself."

She busied herself with picking the flowers scattered around the hill, weaving them into each other. "When's your birthday?" she asked, focused on the flowers.

“June 7th."

“Hey, that's three days before mine."

“Yeah, I guess it is." She finished and hid her creation behind her back. "Close your eyes."

He glanced up. "Why?"

“Just do it." He did so and a small weight pressed itself into his hair. "Your majesty." He opened his eyes seeing her standing up and bowing to him.

He laughed, removing it from his head. "A flower crown?"

“Mom taught me how to make them last week."

He replaced it. "That's awesome."

“Yeah." She sat down again. "This is our kingdom now."

He looked over at her. "Ours?"

“Yeah. Here's all our people." She cupped a group of small flowers in her hand. "And there's our castle." She pointed towards the two trees, their branches swaying gently in the breeze. "And here's our awesome leader." She grinned brightly up towards Noah.

He laughed, taking off the crown and observing it carefully. "I'm not a leader, April."

“Yes, you are," she countered lazily. "You're epic. At everything." The pair sat in peaceful, comfortable silence for a few minutes as Noah studied April's work.

"Hey, April," he whispered. "Can you teach me?"

“Teach you what?" He looked towards the flower crown. "How to make one."

A bright smile grew onto April's face. "Yeah!”

[timeskip]

Noah watched the window, the leaves waltzing through the air by the silent wind. There was a flurry of noise and Noah couldn't see.

“Surprise," a voice smiled from behind him.

“Is the surprise me not getting to see where I'm going?" he muttered.

“Nope. Just go where I lead, and keep your eyes shut."

{uhh something part here i think}

He glanced around again, now noticing the small, leaf-shaped papers delicately and carefully tied along each of the branches. He stood up, reaching for the closest one and realizing there was writing on it.

He squinted, trying to read it. “The best friends are the ones that aren't trying too hard." He smirked. "Didn't Jayce say that when-"

“When you were trying to figure out how to make a flower crown last year?" she finished for him.

“Is that what this is? A bunch of people telling me to chill...”

{i think theres a part here}

[timeskip]

Noah watched the blur of red, yellow, orange, and purple flutter to the ground as someone yanked him up, out of his seat and dragged him along the hallways. "Come on, Deedee," Claire murmured, dragging him along the halls. "You're finally going to get a girlfriend."

“Excuse me?" he stuttered, almost tripping over his feet. "I don't-"

“Shh, Claire-bear and the girls have got it all worked out," she interrupted. "Today's the day!"

“The day for what?"

“The day you and April finally stop dancing around each other and you ask her out!" she squealed, pushing him forward and almost causing him to trip over April, who also had a few people shoving her towards Noah.

She blinked, avoiding eye contact. "Listen, Noah, I don't- I mean, I'm not-“

Noah sighed, beyond pissed off. He spun towards Claire. "Can you, like, back off? For two seconds?"

Her cheery smile was replaced with a confused one.

"Neither of us like each other. Not in that way." His eyes darkened. "So please, for the love of Nja, stop it. Just stop."

He glanced over his shoulder at the people behind April, already knowing he'd regret yelling at them but having no control.

“What's the point? Can't you tell how stressed she is? Or are you so blind to reality," he took a few angry steps, making them scatter, "that you're willing to put aside human emotions for your own purposes and lies.”

He paused, trying to slow down his breath. The only sounds were the quiet sniffles of the group. "Now go back to class. Please."

He let their footsteps echo down the halls as he turned towards April, blowing his hair out of his eyes.

“I'm sorry, they just-" Before he finished, he was cut off by April wrapping her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for having the courage to say what I couldn't." Noah blinked, stunned, before hugging her back.

[timeskip]

The wind blew April's hair gently around, calm and slow. The two had been sitting on the hill for an hour or two, the sun beginning to set, just appreciating the other's company. A worried look crept onto April's face. Noah recognized it and sat up.

“What are you thinking about?"

She glanced over, surprised, before looking back to the sky. "It's nothing."

{missing but i think i can guess what she said aldjald}

Nah blinked. "No. You aren't broken, okay?" He reached out and gently rested his hand on her shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with you. Maybe you will like other people later. Maybe you won't; and either of those are great. But you aren't broken."

"Then what am I?" Her voice was low. "If I'm not broken then what am I?"

“I don't know," he answered quietly. "But whatever happens, I'll stay by your side."

He saw a small smile cross her face. “No matter what?"

“No matter what."

[timeskip]

Noah felt the breeze stab into his side, ripping his already torn heart into thousands of tiny pieces. The hill seemed steeper than before. He wanted to collapse, wanted to just give up, but he had to know. He had to make sure. A figure stood at the top of the hill, holding a single, small, delicate flower. He stopped by the tree behind them, shivering in the night air.

“Did you hear?" they muttered, monotone and emotionless.

“I'm sorry, April," he whispered, voice catching. He heard her take a few breaths before sitting down. He walked forward a few paces, kneeling beside her. “I'm so sorry."

He could feel her shaking, silent waves of grief passing over her in the darkness. “Not your fault," she stuttered out. "They- they said it was a gas leak, an accident." Silence worked its way in between the two. "Mom's gone." She shut her eyes, finally succumbing fully to the sadness and anger and fear. "She's gone."

Noah looked out across the kingdom, still seeing a faint trail of smoke.

“I'm the Sacred Knight now."

“I know."

“I don't know what's going to happen."

“I'll try to help."

“They're saying that I need a Guardian, Noah," she whispered quietly, determined. "I want that to be you." He took in her words, blinking slowly. "You're my best friend. And I'd trust you with my l-life." She pushed away the tears crawling down her cheeks. "I want it to be you."

“Alright."

“Thank you." She buried her face into Noah's chest, hugging him tightly. "Thank you."

He wrapped his arms around her, unsure whether this was happy or not. Eventually to two were looking towards the sky, night already taking over. April pointed upwards.

“See, there's Unileve the Dragon," she whispered out into the peaceful silence. "Legends say you can always feel xer smile, even from far away, and when xe laugh, it fills you with happiness and joy and light."

#its so good omgggg #🥺🥺 them #also u domt have to fill in the missing parts if u dont want to i get the gist aldjalfla #shadowstruck #shadowstruck writing #donnieanswersthings #boop!!

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE SEVEN

“I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING.” - joey

HOH: Nathan UPSIDE DOWN: Emma NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki POV: Joshua FINAL NOMINEES: Josh C & Kiki EVICTED: Josh C (6-0)

ARIA

So,,,i highkey fucked up but all good things come to an end, I couldn't play the middle forever but the way it ended was just a little earlier than i expected. Also i handled the backlash of the dpov HORRIBLY! I did so many things wrong this week its insane even though i was on all day calling people i still fucked up,,,but its fine nothing i can really do to change that. But from here i want to fix things and do better, which does start with addressing where I fucked up so lets start with that woot woot (also holy shit that double was so draining this is the first time ive felt legitimately tired in a while and its only 1 am) 

1. COMP FLOPS

-literally all my allies flopped on the comps when we REALLY needed to win and its even worse combined with the information I was told where people told me they were throwing just to do well instead- its clear they weren't being honest with me and I settled into their lies without an ounce of hesitation 

2. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE

I just really settled certain things poorly leading up to this night, i think somewhere i majorly fucked up is with emma, if i was able to get her to vote out nick or get jacob to dpov someone she would vote out i would be in a much better position atm but i didn't and therefore ive exposed myself. And if i was able to receive knowledge of her rose gold dpov before hand i couldve worked out a new plan that way

3. DAMAGE CONTROL

This is where i **truly** fucked up and its gonna show in my jury management too, like theres NO way i could ever get nicks vote at this point in time. Also my gut instinct after the vote was to lie about the way i voted to kiki/joshua/nick/jev when i shouldve came clean and used a bullshit excuse about how i heard nick was after me or something. It's gonna damage my relationships with all of them

SO wabam here i am slightly fucked due to me being a mess but its okay!! I'm still in the game and while im not in as good as a position as I was last time im still certain i can get back into everyones good graces!! And i mean this vote did reveal that a lot of people consider me to be in a duo with them??? which um is kinda weird HBFSHDF Like joey and emma were both calling us duo of the season and i was like....k cute cool totally called that and knew we were a duo yup yup- FBHJDSBF LMAO but i mean in terms of my own position you have the two trios (jacob/bri/nathan and jev/kiki/joshua) who are going to go after each other with Josh C and Emma leaning toward jev/kiki/joshua while me and joey lean towards jacob/bri/nathan. Its crazy that its literally f10 and its five versus five with hardly any true middle player (for now wink wonk) 

But now that nick is out I need to think about whats next and whats my next big move. I think rn im involved with a lot of moves but im not the face of them (bri using pov on nathan, jacob dpoving bri) and such but if i want to win I have to make a move of my own and DEF need to work on jury management bc again nick is gonna hate my guts after reading my gbm,,,as yousef would say "oopsie whoopsie" so I think from here I need to get back in jev/kiki/joshua's good graces SOME how and im really tempted to come clean about my vote bc i think thats going to hurt me in the long run and theres literally already an alliance of all five of that side so like....whats the point of sewing mistrust but also, i do kinda want to try just being a dirty crime snake this game and seeing how much control I truly have on this game. Literally EVERYONE except those three knows my true vote and i've told them all to keep it to themselves so we'll see what happens,,,, im kinda tempted to pin the vote on emma just for funsies and tell them that "jacob told me hes close to emma" or some bs like that but also,,,thats kinda mean yknow? Its also a testament to test how much that trio trusts me which im GUESSING is less than emma but who knows maybe ill get lucky :DD 

Anyways in terms of moving on I really need someone who actually likes me to join jury so its not completely set against me the whole time but also im not sure how thats gonna go down ugh. I mean in terms of end game my options are starting to become limited because nathan/bri/jacob would all BODY me at the end bc at this point they've been the face of big moves and I hope my big move can be turning on one of them and getting them out at some point so when i really start to look at a realistic f2 I can win,,, im kinda leaning toward my new duos of emma or joey which is kinda a shocker to me too lemme tell u HFBSDF but joey's perception of the game seems,,,,messy and I think i can beat him while emma is def doing better but she hasnt snapped yet so i think i can maybe beat her. And then jev/joshua/kiki depends im not sure yet but the thing with them is none of them are gonna want to bring me to the end which is super frustrating (i mean i did just snake em so,,,maybe its deserved) 

The thing is that I like being honest about my vote so trying to have an honest game convo with any of those three is gonna be really hard,,,,esp considering they were all my targets for live night but here we are :') And i really dont know what to do at this point which is really annoyinggg (annoying @ myself theyre all lovely) I think im gonna have to wait a bit before i can try getting them all to fully trust me rn i dont know this has been such a mess but im doing my best!! Before i end this probably poorly aging paragraph its trust ranking time

1.myself (FUCK, and i cant stress this enough, EVERYONE)

HUGE GAP

2.Brianna (shes slowly becoming more stuck in jacob's trap but i do still think shes loyal to me, god IS a woman!!!)

3.Jacob (hate having this man so high bc hes bodying this game but he tells me a lot ig :/ )

ANOTHER GAP

4. Nathan (we need to call and discuss live night but he isnt going to like nominate me or anything)

5.Joey (apparently we're a f2?? not sure where that happened but also hes cagey idk)

-smol gap-

6.Josh C (told me his alliance!! shame he doesnt know im gonna rat him out to my side teehee)

7.Emma (we're also a duo?? almost forgot about that but i fucked her over here a bit but i can build the trust back up i THINK)

anothe gap

8.Jev (he talked to me after live night and didnt ask about my vote so thats cute....not sure where we stand...help)

9.Kiki (we talked briefly after the vote but idk if they realized im a snake yet)

10.Joshua (the silence is deafening) 

Not happy w/ my position yet and im likely to just come clean to joshua in a call tmrow because hes honestly really sweet and his friendship means a lot to me but i need to figure out how I leave me connection with jacob/bri out of it.. ill think of something

praying im not the most hated here but if i am it wouldnt be the first time ig, and thats on pewiod <3

JOEY

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING. Not a damn soul is coming after me, and more importantly, I have numbers on my side, and no one’s gonna be pissed off at me on BOTH sides of the house. People say Josh C is playing both sides? Nah, it’s me. I need him out because I’m trying to ride that middle man status. My ideal plan is to see Emma go home next week, so that way I ain’t responsible. I want to get rid of Jacob at Final 7, and I will damn sure make that happen. Aria and I have a Final 2 that I plan on sticking to. Seeing Nick go was sad, but good lord it was I-C-O-N-I-C.

EMMA

Everything in this game lately has honestly pissed me off first it was me getting blindsided during live night even though i didnt really want to vote nathan if i was being honest i wanted brianna out over nathan because i thought nathan would be more easier to work with them boom Dpov and boom nick going i am like a little unsure if i regret using the dpov or not i do regret it well because nathan won hoh and sent me to the upside down and nick probably wouldnt try super hard for hoh but then again it seemed my so called allies were probably more closer to nick but i am not even sure my so called low confidence is my weakness in my games but i dont know how to be more confident pretty sure everyone beats me in the end at this point unless if i win an hoh if i do at this point Jacob/Brianna/even nathan getting nominated i didnt want nathan out before like if i won hoh i would of put him to the upside straight up nominate brianna and jacob if one of them goes off the block joey gets put up as a pawn after the upside down week im gonna do whatever to make it to the end idc if i go to the end with somebody i cant beat i just want to make this game enjoyable for me as i can i dont want to float for awhile then bring a goat to the end NNN 

EMMA

my shit list  in order to who i target to who isnt on my rader

Jacob > Nathan > Brianna > Joshua = Aria > Jev > Kiki/Josh C > Joey

who i like most to who is most annoying to play on a game level (i dont really hate or dislike anyone on a personal level)

Aria > Jev > Joshua *tiny gap*  Nathan > Kiki/Josh C >>>>>>>>>>> Jacob > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Joey = brianna also joey would be higher but he lied to me for no reason even tho i didnt mind putting alot of trust in me and i love brianna on a personal level but girl i am not good socially with her which is my fault and her fault also jacob kinda assumed stuff about me like not big stuff like meta  but he still told other people except me (people who are out who i love)  Gina/Jakey > Saira=Nick=Monty=Mo *small gap* Nash >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dog shit > Taylers dinner (dylan and the og homies know it) >>>>>>>>>>>> DEM

but yeah this game has made me happy because everyone is nice except dem but its been hard to play it because if i felt better i think i would of been playing a 100x times better game

JEV

So I'm safe but it comes at the cost of one of my two favourite people in this game. I've arguably grown closest to Josh C throughout this game, but I promised Joshua that if he saved me with veto I'd vote however he wanted and he wants Josh C to leave over Kiki. This week is me and Nash as final noms levels of ugly.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szNaW65lCJ0&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=8&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

#also anon ilusm i love the attention and you god bless

[commiemoth]

bbbb all of the adorable asks are so cute >////

Bbbbb im happy i answer!! >\

2- my favorite color use to be purple definitively but now i cant choose unless its color combinations, my current favorites are: cyan + red, bronze + patina-green, silver + deep blue, black + cyan or neon blue, black + gold, white + goldIf i Really Really had to choose only one tho i think it would depend on my mood? Blue for sad, deep blue for calm, gold for energetic/confident, cyan for floaty, silver for dissociating?

3- no but!!!! I really want to! As soon as im out of my parents house im gonna do eyeshadow all the time as soon as i learn how! (Hopefully ollie can teach me because their eyeshadow looks are fucking #Iconic)

4- Yes yes yes!!!! In love right now and its better than ever before!!

5- ive been hesitant about this because last time i thought this it ended b a d l y but!! This time feels really different! I feel the connection and honestly i think yes!!

6- i think when im by myself im incredibly pessimistic and realist and accepting of it but with most other people im very optimistic for them i think? Even if im not for myself :/

7- ive had my first kiss already unfortunately :/but! First kiss with someone who actually cares and loves and respects u is completely different!! So my ideal first kiss would probably be leik after a moment of really spontaneous and overwhelming happiness between us? I think it would feel natural and comftorable and nice even if we’d both be awkward blushy babies about it >\\

24- ive gotten my nails painted before it was really nice! Im going to start doing it regularly once im out of the house and i hope ill eventually be gud enough to paint little designs on them!

25- idk wat this is asking leik, confessed wat? Id think yes and leik if confessed just as in telling something they wouldnt tell anyone else then yes, im honored that someone places that much trust in me when they do and i try to protect the secret/confession with my life

26- gggggg i used to lie so much all the time leik little lies to make myself more interesting/cooler but i dont do that anymore thank gosh, i only lie now to protect someone’s safety/identity , protect my own safety, or when talking to adults because i dont trust them, when its morally justifiable, or when ive been asked too by a confidant

27- ollie!!! (Everything about them) and also songs that are really energetic and (happily) nostalgic for me, and also cute animals! Or hanging out and havin a gud laugh with friends, im more likely to smile in stress free environments!

28- ggggg gosh i cry all the time in books and movies, i cried at finding dory, and at guardians of the galaxy vol 2, and at swiss army man, and at steven universe a lot, and at attack on titan sometimes when i used to watch it (not anymore) anything i read that has a major character death makes me cry, i cried at the Dragons overwatch short for hanzo and genji, im big baby :/

29- i think i had a crush on a girl in elementary school when i was still straight and she was the most popular pretty girl in school, boring het stuff :/

30- marriage sounds really nice! Not that important tho it just seems leik part of the whole big thing of the different levels of “making it official” but it would be nice and fun!!! Kids are scary! Too much responsibilty and i, kinda dont leik them :/

31- im very superstitious sometimes, a couple years ago i saw the picture of the russian sleep experiment creepy pasta and its haunted me and my halfasleep mind until a few months ago last year thats not really superstitious i guess but im always very irrational about things leik that, leik if a noise happens at night then my brain goes: “its the [a creepy picture i saw that day] monster here to get you” and it really sucks sometimes but ive been a little bette with it lately! (Ps, Do Not look up the russian sleep experiment, it might not be the same for you but it was terrifying for me and had a lasting effect)

32- my 3am thoughts are ollie!! Its much better thinking about cuddling them instead of thinking about if everyone i know hates me secretly or wat went wrong on that particular day (although ive been doing better on that too)

33- i leik candy a lot!! My favorites are snickers, swedish fish, cinnamon gumdrops, chocolate (either chili or caramel), jolly ranchers, skittles, and sometimes airheads, i used to l o v e poprocks but i dont see then around anymore :l

34- halloween!!! Its my favorite time because its not too cold to have to stay inside and still cold enough for cool fashion options and also halloween itself!! Its fun! :D

35- my favorite season is winter!! It lets me stay inside and watch the pretty snow while i drink hot cocoa and play video games :3 fall is a close second!! Most of fall is cool enough to still be outside and the cold weather suits me even if its sometimes gives me colds!

36- i feel leik a dog would help me be happier because they generally more energetic? But a cat suits my personality much better and i feel leik we might get along a little easier , both are gud and no preference tho!!!

37- im really quiet i think!! I try not to talk at all unless its with people i already know, but the more comftorable i am with someone the louder i am with them!!

38- my favorite time period is medeival or far-future! Medieval only when in fantasy with dragons and magic and stuff because Real medieval times kinda sucked but: the knights! The samurai! And far future because space travel and sightseeing on distant planets!!

39- bowties? There still kind of around tho i guess, cloaks and swords or also full plate armor (bring! Them! Back!)

40- hhhhh i never remember my dreams but the worst nightmares are where i wake up and cant breathe leik sleep paralysis im pretty sure (that combined with russian sleep experiment is h e l l but thankfully that doesnt really happen anymore) and the best dreams ive had are when ollie is in them!!

41- i used to be really afraid the dark but im still sometimes just as afraid so i guess that doesnt count? I used to have dreams where the little one eyed dudes id make out of my erasers would turn evil and stand on my chest and id wake up with sleep paralisys so? Thats something i guess :/

42-43 are skipped in the list?

44- i try my best!! Ollie knows :> im [Incapable] of flirting with anyone if they dont also flirt with me and i know that they leik me too tho so i havent been flirting much the past couple years till now :l

45- my style currently is kinda blandish i think? Dark or cool colors with a graphic teeshirt (sometimes of things that i dont even leik anymore) and black or blue skinny jeans (sometimes a bleached white pair, theyre my favorite) and some matching color of converse, sometimes i wear flannels or button ups and sometimes bowties too! But not as often

Ideal style: crop top, flannel, sunglasses, short short jean shorts, cool socks that go past my knees, matching converse!

46- hell yeah i blush!!!!!!!!! Sometimes i blush when people are really nice to me but most times its from romantic stuff because i get flustered and blushy So Easily!!

47- every once in a while my depression comes back and most of the time it doesnt stay for lomg but while its here i feel everything at once while wanting to feel nothing and its so overwhelming or i feel nothing at all while wanting to feel at least one thing and it makes my heart hurt, most of the time tho i lean more on the side of feeling everything! Feelings are gud and i leik them!!!

48- im definently a crier! Cried basically for 3 years straight, but ive only cried happy crying a couple times, definitely a few tho, i smile a lot! I think! I try to, i think smiles are really nice and there needs to be more of them in the world, ive been smiling a lot more the past couple months for sure :3Thanks for askin and!! @got to answer the same asks! Not all if u dont want to but just the ones u want :>

#ollie #@gothicmoth #asks #5th ask!!! #food/ #cynanide/ #abuse/

[ts-indonesia]

Episode 4: “cutthroat kitchen but make it sex” - Owen

As episode four hit, it was time for a swap! The swap tribes were a Cahaya majority on NuCahaya and an Obor majority on NuObor, with Stoner sent to exile!

On NuCahaya, Owen finally had his dream of getting to work with some newbies, namely Lorelei/Leigh/Chris O & remained sceptical of Foxx. On NuObor, Trent/Anabel ingratiated themselves with the returnees, leaving Dylan vulnerable on the tribe. 

In the music video challenge, despite some... upsetting banana moments that should never be spoken of again, NuCahaya snatched up immunity! At NuObor’s tribal, under threat of rocks, the tribe settled on a consensus of Kenny. 

At tribal, the original Obor majority was squandered, with Kenny sent out unanimously, and Stoner taking his place on the tribe. With that, a totally untwisted and simple round was what faced the Indonesia players next!

LORELEI

I hate the swap

LEIGH

Not a tribe swap! Ahh!  At least I ended up with good people from my tribe, and we have Owen who I bonded with when he visited.  Foxx, I played with him in my first ORG in 2017.  I voted him out.  But Chris blindsided him then even worse.  I'm HOPING Foxx doesn't hold a grudge.  But even if he doesn't hold a grudge, he could still be aware of what a strong player I have been in some of my past games.  That makes me nervous.  But oh well, we'll see what happens.

DYLAN

So far im glad that i got put with Annabel and Trent as I feel they both trust me, especially Annabel. I feel i connected well with Jess and Olivia when they were infurtrators so all though I'm in minority in terms of tribe vs tribe I think im still in a good spot. but holy fuck my tribe is actually annoying the shit out of me. Theyre acting like this music video is rocket science or like they have to build the fucking 97th wonder of the world. Pick a fucking song. If you want a theme pick a fucking theme. Its not that hard. JUST FUCKING PICK SOMETHING

OLIVIA

Back to trusting Jess again! And I’m with Isaac 😍 and Michael who is cool too. I like the newbies we’re with they’re literally the only three i talked to lol

ANABEL

https://youtu.be/8hqf5okhUtM

FOXX

So everyone gets super paranoid before Tribal and tries to change the plan. I’m telling everyone to remain calm and lo and behold everything is just peachy and Julian leaves, although not especially gracefully. Considering the circumstances, though, can hardly blame the dude. New tribe consists of Kenny and Lorelei, as well as Leigh and Chris. I actually met Leigh in an unrelated Facebook game and we talked a bit. She didn’t have the nicest things to say about me on my way out but that’s neither here nor there! :’) And we swap! And we’re fucked! Matt, Owen, & myself are against four Obors, completely outmatched. However! We have the Infiltrator Twist at our disposal. If we don’t win next immunity, we can hope the infiltrators are in fact ex-original Cahaya. My plan is if they do in fact come from Cahaya we have them vote with us three and force a tie. With a 4-4 tie we can go to rocks. However! Since the person with votes is safe on a rock draw only two former Cahayas are drawing rocks and three former Obor draw rocks meaning we have a 60% chance of us not getting eliminated. It’s definitely not doomsday and if that plan works it’ll be the Outfoxx of the uh...first four episodes? Whatever. Frankly I’d rathercwin the challenge and get over it.

TRENT

Well. I guess swap could have gone worse. But going in without the majority is not ideal.  Luckily, I already know Jess and Olivia because they were infiltrators and we talked a pretty decent amount. Luckily I went with Anabel, who I know has an idol, and dylan who i have a pretty decent relationship. I've talked to jess quiet a bit and being pretty open with her trying to show that I trust her and I think shes doing the same. She's claiming to now want to make it about Newbies vs Returnees, which if true could help us a lot. My plan is to keep working jess as much as I can the next few days, to the point that she trusts me talking mostly about IRL stuff and not talking about game much at all. I THINK i can make her flip if we lose, I have a plan and I already know what I'm going to say, I just can't guarantee it will work.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4u6glcQaFAE

OLIVIA

Sooooo I have to edit the video which is gonna be stressful af but I’ve done it before and it turned out amazing but I accidentally deleted everything an hour before it was due and the hosts wouldn’t give an extension so that was rough and I’m scared of that happening again lol. It’s great to be here with Jess and Isaac but I don’t think she trusts him like I do and I think on the call last night we were too friendly and probably revealed to her that we’re close which I was hoping to keep on the down low since I’m in two other alliances that he’s not a part of lol but hopefully she thought it was generic friendly chatter. I really like Jess she’s super cool and I’m glad to be here with her. Michael is also a sweetheart and I’m glad he’s here like he seems trustworthy and this is a good opportunity for us to get to chat more hopefully? We all agree Trent is a bit blunt and slightly odd putting because of that but he’s cool to talk to. Dylan is on vacation, of course, so I’ve only talked to him a little bit? Anabelle (idk how she spells it sorry) is pretty cool but a bit of a depressed crackhead like she def wants to fuck serial killers which I know is trendy but concerning. Again, hella nervous for editing but hopefully if it turns out well we’ll win and if we don’t win but the edit is still good I’m safe lol. 

FOXX

Tribe swap. Minority. No idol. This is like Psychological BDSM with no safe word. Kinky! I’m trying to be as friendly as possible and help with the challenge because I really, really don’t want to go to tribal like this. I have solid relationships with Leigh and I even played with Chris O. in another ORG, which he won. He’s a really good social player. We’re doing a Destiny’s Child song because ORGers don’t know any artists that aren’t Beyonce but tbh I’m ok with anything as long as I can prove my worth and loyalty to my new tribemates. I didn’t come out of retirement to get Swapfucked. Just gotta be cunning and charming. If only there was a thing - maybe even an animal - that exemplified those traits. Like a tapir. Yeah, gotta outtapir people.

So I burned my dignity in effigy for this challenge so I hope we have enough to muster up a win but I’m nervous as hell. As a backup I’m trying to talk one-on-one with my new tribemates so they might be inclined to keep me. Thoughts so far: Kenny: Both gamers so we have stuff to talk about  and he seems like a real nice dude but he’s also a bit inactive. Leigh: Hilarious. She’s very likable and easy to get along with. Lorelei: Has so much energy and good at conversation. Chris: Very sweet but I can definitely tell he’s good at buttering people up. I would prefer to not have to turn on Owen or Matt because they’re great dudes who worked their ass off in this game but I really need to keep my options open. Better to live with guile than die with honor.

MICHAEL

Ali is a booli https://youtu.be/Afm_l7ATHp8

OLIVIA

Every time I’m in Japanese class and someone says domo arigato I have to physically restrain myself from saying mr roboto. Also these results can’t come fast enough. I worked my ass off on this video as did everyone else and I hope the judges see that :(

JESS

*Channel her inner Lizzo* Why is Trent always freaking trying to call me? Woo! I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% crackhead Even when I’m really not a target Yeah, I got alliance problems, that’s the crackhead in me Bling Bling, now I’m paranoid, that’s the virgo in me. You could had a chill game, just a little Help you with your jury management, kinda simple You’re supposed to calm it down, but you ain’t doing that And that’s the sound of you having a panic attack Why is Trent always freaking trying to call me? Stop texting me, unless you got some real tea. No new friends, I don’t really really care. Shampoo press, pulling out all my hair. Fresh wounds, with another tribal. New enemies, probably need a bible. Truth hurts, this is giving me more anxiety. Bom bom bi dom bi dum bum bay Now I’m stuck again In a weird position Got two alliances, going head to head. Hey I’m glad, you’re back with number one I mean why you gotta tell me this? I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be your returnee chick I put the paraaaaaaaa in paranoid. Always worried about everything, I’m kind annoyed. So you can tell your friend “Jess is probably really losing it” It’s Okay, they probably already knew it. Why is Trent always freaking trying to call me? Stop texting me, unless you got some real tea. No new friends, I don’t really really care. Shampoo press, pulling out all my hair. Fresh wounds, with another tribal. New enemies, probably need a bible. Truth hurts, this is giving me more anxiety. Bom bom bi dom bi dum bum bay Now let’s side track for a minute. (yeah yeah) Got returnees and newbies in this. We don’t fuck with ties, it’s probably all lies We just keep on bullshitting like aye vi vi I bet you Chris Stoner has an idol (yeah yeah) This game has got me homicidal We don’t fuck with ties, it’s probably all lies We just keep on bullshitting like aye vi vi Why is Trent always freaking trying to call me? Stop texting me, unless you got some real tea. No new friends, I don’t really really care. Shampoo press, pulling out all my hair. Fresh wounds, with another tribal. New enemies, probably need a bible. Truth hurts, this is giving me more anxiety. Bom bom bi dom bi dum bum bay

So tribe swap finally happened. I'm actually okay with my tribe? Trent was the one newbie I really "connected" with on the newbie tribe when I "infiltrated". Anabel so far seems cool but I already can tell this girl is going to be a BEAST in this game. She's pretty, charming, and you can tell she has more than my two brain cells combined times 1000. Dylan is.................... something else. I honestly have no idea. He could be an easy push under the bus if we lose? I'm also just here waiting for the results of probably the most NERVE WRACKING challenge of my life. Why you ask? Well if my tribe loses this challenge I'm going to be forced to show my hand way tooo early in this game. I somehow positioned myself right in the middle of the vets and the newbies. On one side I have Olivia, Michael, and Isaac. On the other I have Dylan, Trent, and Anabel. Us losing LITERALLY will force me to pick a side I will probably ride with until merge. The safer move would be obviously to stick with the returnees if they give me no reason to doubt them before this potential tribal (I'm not too confident in this video). However, the SMARTER move may be to take out a returnee who will be threatening down the line. Let's just pray to Katy Perry we did her justice and won't be seeing tribal. xoxoxoxo gossip girl.

LEIGH

Soooo I filmed 4 different bits for that music video and only one was used. I'm a little irritated about that because it doesn't reflect the level of effort I put into it.  Also cuz I slightly bruised myself when I dramatically fell taking off a sweater, and I really hoped that would be respected. Oh well. I know how much content I filmed, at least. And editing it must have been tricky.

I feel like since the majority of what was included was the lip syncing (though everyone slayed it!), the message was lost and now the bits of people falling over don't really make sense. I think the judges won't get what we were going for.

CHRIS O

i just realized that with the intruder twist it's pretty likely the vote will be 4-4 and uhhhhh im a scared boi plz someone help me

LORELEI

I'm very nervous about the music video results. I really hope we win, if we don't I may be going home because I didn't want to film myself because of personal reasons. I'm very scared. For the music video, it's a very tough challenge because I know that the people on the other tribe are very creative and talented, Anabel is a singer and loves to perform, Dylan is a rapper, Jess and olivia seemed creative. There's a very high chance that they'll win. But I really hope that my tribe does. We really need this win. I really need this win if I want to stay in the competition. 

MATT

heyo friends.  So we voted Julian’s ass out and that’s alright with me!!!!     Unfortunately i predicted a swap was happening after tribal and i was correct (boo!). The results came out, and Owen, Foxx, and myself are in the minority on the NuObor tribe. At first look, you would think we’re fucked, but i think we have a good chance to survive.  I think the three of us are totally willing to stick together, so it’s just a matter of convincing one to flip.  owen feels confident about flipping someone.  And if worst comes to worst, we throw foxx under the bus, and try to survive another round.  HOWEVER foxx brought to my attention that if we lose, the infiltrators twist is still in effect. So if we lose, the OG Cahaya tribe still has majority on the other tribe, which means they can vote in 2 of us and send them over our way.  That way we can at least force a tie, and force rocks.  I think i would go to rocks for both owen and foxx. Owen and i have become good allies and foxx is a really cool dude.  i do wanna tru and go far with them if we make it out of here

LEIGH

Wow. What the fuck did I say? I included 4 fucking scenes and he CUT THEM OUT.  And I got called useless and 0? How fucking embarrassing.  Jesus christ.  We agreed on a theme for the video-- and nothing with the theme was included.  Awesome.

KENNY

I do feel bad and feel like i might be in danger but 1. Oboe has majority on this tribe and 2. I feel like I have a pretty good connection with most. And after I say that, I’ll most likely go this round. These hoes ain’t loyal.

OLIVIA

😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎 Jones’ mom 🤬 The other judges 🥰😘

LEIGH

I really hope this wasn't on purpose. If it turns out it was, that's so fucked up to me.  Literally sabotage.  And if it were an honest mistake, then that's at least a bit better.  Although I LITERALLY put the idea in the chat that "We can put the fails in the beginning, and put the successful clips at the end" and Foxx agreed.  I literally gave out ideas, I filmed, I did everything I needed to do and now no one will even know it.

STONER

https://youtu.be/QYDEXxKlsWs

https://youtu.be/LEMeAw4SkDg

https://youtu.be/irOsCxYfCEw

https://youtu.be/l_mc9-HB4aY

OWEN

LMAOOOO IM A FUCKIN MESSSS ok so i like confirmed with leigh/chris before we lost tht we wouldnt vote each other out. i rlly rlly like them, and lorelei. more than I like talking to foxx/matt/most ppl from my tribe. I love matt, but he's not the best at bein social apparently and for some fucking reason foxx is. chris + foxx were bonding hella in the tribe chat tonight which made me MAD. first foxx has to snatch chris/jess/olivia, now chris o???? BYEEEE not gonna lie, I irrationally want so badly to vote foxx out this round. i dont feel comfy with him in the game even though I'm pretty sure he'd work with me for now. and I want to make myself build trust with leigh/lorelai/chris o. But I rlly think they're gonna want to vote matt... :((( luckily the infiltrators came and I think rn we're gonna vote kenny bc they'll be least likely to  keep him around + he didnt submit???? so if they vote matt and we ote kenny it's 4-4 and then....rocks....? ill tell u rn, my ass isn't drawing a rock. idc if they vote for foxx or for matt, im not drawing. so I guess best case scenario is they flip on kenny, but second best is they vote foxx and I flip and vote foxx out.... but even then, that's stressful I called with chris and basically told him this. I maybe shouldnt have said that I'd flip on foxx bc now im paranoid he'll go tell foxx and get the votes on me.... but idk. he said he wouldnt mind flipping on kenny but he's worried about next round if chris comes and we have majority, which i rlly dont blame him for. but if kenny goes, i promise im not voting for lorelei/leigh/chris o next round xoxoxo ideally chris o/leigh/myself could start some s ort of alliance. I wish they liked matt so the four of us could get one going... idk. maybe chris could be pulled in??? i dont wanna be in that foursome with foxx bc eventually im gonna write foxx's name down unless im out first faskjdfhkdsjf IDK WHY IM SO PRESSED ABOUT FOXX. I like him as a person like it isnt personally i think im rlly just still mad he got into an alliance and I didnt LMAOOOO also sometimes he uses big words will my messiness bite me in the ass? prob :P but itll be fun anyways

LEIGH

Well, I've calmed down, like I do.  I tend to react at a 10 and then come back down.  It's why my social game sucks so much sometimes.  I don't believe I was set up. It was probably an oversight.  Being embarrassed is like the one emotion that really sets me off. I always want to come across as smart and confident and important.  So when I'm told I am useless, and all people saw me for is a dog pulling me over, it's really embarrassing.  It makes me feel vulnerable and I don't like it.  And when I feel vulnerable, I snap and get mad as a defense mechanism.  It's shitty of me.  I'll apologize to Matt, because he deserves it.  Hopefully I didn't torpedo my chances with my temper but if I did, that wouldn't surprise me hahaha and I would've done it to myself.  I'm hoping people will just look at my little freak out and say "At least she's honest".......

FOXX

The challenge was frankly not even close. It really hurts to go from a tribe of overachievers to a tribe that loses more challenges. I genuinely like everyone on my tribe. I think frankly I get along *better* with this group than the Cahayas. But I still think I need to secure myself a place in the merge. I was so bummed to lose the challenge but Michael, not unlike Gandalf at the Battle of Helm’s Deep, arrives *precisely* when he means to completely onboard with my plan before I say a word. The plan is to have Chris/Michael, Owen, Matt, & your plucky vulpine friend vote for Kenny. He’s relatively inactive, didn’t help much in the challenge, and has received a vote  at both tribals he attended. Once again, I genuinely like the dude but he’s the most logical target. Leigh & Chris, whom I’ve bonded the most with, have told me they have no plans to vote for me and you know I 100% believe them. Their target is Matt. The goal is to set a tie and it’d be Leigh, myself, Chris, Lorelei, & Owen drawing rocks.  They have a 60% chance of going how and I don’t think they’re willing to do it to spare Kenny. It’s Alliance Chicken and our car is smaller but it has less damage. Stoner will be joining the tribe which means I 100% will have another Cahaya in our side but I had to explain to him, “No Stoner. You aren’t on the tribe yet. No, Stoner. You and Michael don’t each have a vote.” He’s a riot and a half as well as a badass player but he really does live up to the name. The fact there’s an alliance of guys named Foxx & Stoner is just. I can’t take it. It’s too stupid to be true but too ridiculous to be made. God...sometimes the world is good. I really don’t want anyone to leave. I like everyone here. No one here *deserves* to leave. But I gotta use my brain and not let someone cut my throat because I was too nice to get to them first.

LEIGH

I talked to matt and he was super nice and understanding. I'm aware I went off the handle and was a complete bitch in my other confessional and for someone who doesn't like to be embarrassed, well, it was pretty embarrassing.

MATT

we fucking lost the challenge.  and it’s upsetting, but while i was editing the video i kinda figured we would anyway.  Only Owen and Chris sent videos of the actual song, and then i recorded a whole bunch of filler material.  Foxx and Leigh only sent me b-roll footage, lorelei sent the voice over for the beginning of the video, and kenny did jack shit.   Losing the challenge is one thing and i can handle that,  but when Leigh starts ranting in the tribe chat about how her entire 90 seconds didn’t make the cut, and how her feelings are hurt and how it should’ve been edited better and yada yada ya, it pisses me the fuck off. like i’m literally the only one who could edit the damn thing .  Lorelei said she might be able to, but had limited time, so i stepped up to the plate and did it.  If you didn’t fucking like it, then you can fucking edit it next time.  How dare I try to edit together these crappy videos into a decent music video.  Like fuck off.   On top of that, apparently my name is already floating around as a potential vote...like why?  Because the other tribe doesn’t wanna respond to me?  Because i wasted my time editing a losing video? because why the fuck not?  it pisses me off.  Luckily for me, Michael and Stoner are here as infiltrators, and can help us at least tie the vote.  We’re planning on getting them to flip on the revote, if not, we go to rocks.  If we go to rocks, only 2 of us draw compared to 3 of them.  it’s a big risk, but it’s one i think we need to take.  If the rocks don’t go in our favor, and Foxx or Owen leave, i die next round anyway.  So fingers crossed this round goes well.

MICHAEL

The Game Begins!!! https://youtu.be/X0JJ6wpKw-8

FOXX

I don’t like this. I don’t want to vote anyone out. The plan still seems to be planning to vote Kenny and get someone to flip on a tie. Leigh & Chris are the most likely candidates imo. Frankly they proposed an alliance of those two, Owen, & myself and I’m super into it but I need to make sure an Obor goes home so it can happen. I’m trying to convince Michael throwing challenges on Cahaya is a good idea so we can keep the majority on both tribes especially since he sees Anabel as a social threat. If that happens I can keep my strong relationships with Chris, Leigh, & Lorelei intact without having to turn on them or the Cahayas. I’m playing well; I just need to not get reckless and drink the Big Movez Kool-Aid. This is the most stressful night of the game.

ANABEL

https://youtu.be/71vXq_0cXVU

KENNY

I’ve been avoided like the plague today, by even my old tribe mates. Lmao. I’m 90% sure it’s me but we’ll see.

LEIGH

Unless people are bamboozling me, Kenny is the vote.  Today I joined forces with Foxx and Owen, I believe.  Along with me and Chris.  So hopefully it works out.  I jutst took another hit and am full of alfredo so I aint got much to say that'll make sense

Voting Kenny sucks and is sad though cuz I'm a liar to him now and I haven't lied yet I don't think

#whenyourfiresout

[vitaminwater-hd]

29-4-17

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?  not in the slightest, they are verbally, physically abusice people who im gonna be so happy to leave

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? i text it all the time to my gall palls...but i think the last time i said it was to the dog as i was leaving to go to school

03: Do you regret anything? so many, if i could redo my life it would be nothing like it is now

04: Are you insecure? hell yeah but hell no at the same time, depends on the time of day

05: What is your relationship status? pining over epople i can have

06: How do you want to die? ASAP

07: What did you last eat? lemonade and hony on corn chips? dont judge me

08: Played any sports? used to do tennis, mixed martial arts, netball, horseriding and what not

09: Do you bite your nails? used to, ive curbed that habit

10: When was your last physical fight? last friday, i had to call the police and they blamed me 

11: Do you like someone? yes? i dont know anymore, i try to fill my loneliness with the idea of others but...i havent really cared for anyone for a long time

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? of course

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? mmmmmmmhm

14: Do you miss someone? I miss mishek a hell of a lot. And my friend seb...he hasnt talked to me in forever...i wish that we kept in touch but i guess hes onto bigger and better things

15: Have any pets? I have kitty(mydog) and a bunch of fish 

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? really sad since i just thought about seb

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? against my will

18: Are you scared of spiders? yeah....theyre not fun

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 100%

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? genuinely cant remember 21: What are your plans for this weekend? study and work my dude

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? i dont want kids at tbe momnt, but if i wasnt the one that had to give birth to them, id like a fair few

23: Do you have piercings? How many? just my ears

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i top all my subjects except Math B so...yeah

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? seb....but thats it, im pretty much okay with burning bridges

26: What are you craving right now?

physical affection

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? i hope not

28: Have you ever been cheated on? no

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? apparently but i cant remember anything specific about my last relationship

30: What’s irritating you right now? the inability to hold onto friends for more than a couple years

31: Does somebody love you?

no

32: What is your favourite color? i love pastel pinks blues and purples, but mostly that inbetween brown pink colour you can get blushes in

33: Do you have trust issues? yeh

34: Who/what was your last dream about? i dont dream anymore hun

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? i cry like everyday, i cant remember

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? i would say so

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? ...thats a hard one....id say its easier to forgive, forgetting took me a lot of effort

38: Is this year the best year of your life? i hope not

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 14

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? evridai

51: Favourite food? i dont know man, i like to be noursihed

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? when im down ill use that as a cop out but no..it doesnt, life just tumbles on

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? closed my laptop and turned it on charge

54: Is cheating ever okay? no

55: Are you mean? sometimes tho i try not to be

56: How many people have you fist fought? easily in the teens, i used to do mixed martial arts, but a real fight? just my sistr and father

57: Do you believe in true love? i dont believe in much

58: Favourite weather? when its raining a lot so the day is dark, and its just cold enough to not sweat when you walk around the house in comfy clothes.

59: Do you like the snow? yesss

60: Do you wanna get married? eventually

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? i call everyone bb so i guess so

62: What makes you happy? dogs, horses, puppies, cakes, dessert, socks, memes

63: Would you change your name? yeah, id cahnge it to something more badass

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

yehhhhhhhhhh lets not

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I guess we;re dating if that scenario comes up...ive not had anyone like me in aaaaages, ill take what i acan get

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? not entirely

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? this boi called taya

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i refrain from those

69: Do you believe in soulmates? i want to but i know its all just lies lonely people tell themselves to feel less lonely

70: Is there anyone you would die for?</p> apart from my doggo no