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fidelishaereticus · 1 year

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so, old news obvious news blah blah, but i keep seeing people not getting this about my girl gideon nav so have to say: i think at first blush, people get the impression that Harrow’s got all the convolutions and layers and hidden vulnerability whereas gideon wears her heart on her sleeve and is just brazenly herself (a loveable rowdy himbo) & that’s the contrast. and yes, that’s there, but that’s not all. that dynamic itself is a part of their mutual (codependent) front, and like everything else in this book, it gets peeled back.

i think the real contrast is that they’ve both got masks, and those masks are complimentary. they’re both kids who never got a childhood. they grew up tortured in the same place from very different angles with no one but each other to butt heads against. they both had to play-act grown up versions of themselves with few models for what a well-adjusted adult even looked like. so it’s cartoonish. gideon is the plucky hero of her own adventure story that will totally have a happy ending some day, far far away from her nemesis whom she’s totally not in love with. harrow meanwhile (to grossly oversimplify) has to imagine herself as someone cruel and cold enough to cope with being alive at the price of 200 other people. these two things fit very well together. gideon can play the hero to harrow’s villain, and harrow can enact cruelty toward gideon to make herself feel strong and mean (and generally just to vent anguish). the way they hate one another is a kind of mutual protection - it re-enforces the self-image that each of them needs to get through the day. but that’s the coping mechanism. harrow the ruthless bones overlord. gideon the hapless swords idiot, who thinks of nothing but tiddies & sweet sweet vengence (harrow’s corpse in various states of disgrace ) all day. and behind that they’re both tearing apart at the seems beneath caricatures of themselves that are deeply unsustainable and neither of them feels safe letting on the extent to which that’s the case. their hearts are a goddamned mess. neither of them is wearing that shit on their sleeve. so yeah, there’s a lot more to gideon than being a swords himbo but that’s not the wild thing. the wild thing is she’s so convincing that she somehow manages to sell people on her no braincells act while being the pov character of entire first novel.

#[whispers] she doesn't want you to know she has enough braincells to feel trauma]#gideon nav #gideon the ninth #tlt #the locked tomb #come on guys #the himbo act is from the heart and that's why it's so convincing #but she's got a lot of other things going on and the scary thing is #she's capable of burrying them much deeper than harrow has ever managed to bury anything #if she ever decided to go Full Awful it would be truly terrifying & i think we're supposed to Feel That #[spreads hands at both gid's parents]#she's very like both of them and that should be an uncomfortable thought

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monsterrae1 · 8 months

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Trope Rating Tag game

Tagged by @jesuisici33 @exhuastedpigeon 🖤

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged.

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap 0

It depends on the ship and how well it’s done but I don’t really care either way

Codependency +5

Let them be codependent and unhinged

Obsession/possession, jealousy 7

I do love me some jealous behavior but it has to make sense to the character, I’ve seen some that aren’t it and sooo OOC and that puts me off right away

Oposites (grumpy/sunshine, etc) +8

This one always fucking slaps

Enemies to lovers, enemies with benefits +10

The angst! The sex! The drama!

Friends with benefits +10

See prev explanation

Sex to feelings +9

Love it, specially if they’re idiots about the feelings

Fake dating/relationship +10

Pump it straight to my veins

Friends to lovers +8

A Classic so sweet and almost always hits the spot

Found family +9

I’m queer ofc I love found family

Hurt/comfort +10

The angstttttt

Love triangle nope

Make them a throuple you cowards

Poly, open relationship +3

I’ve never actually read it but I’m open to it

Mistaken/hidden identity 0

I’ve never read it but I can see the potential

Monsterfucking +69

It’s almost spooky time you witches better be writing monsterfucking already

Pregnancy 0

Meh I don’t really care but I don’t hate it if it’s there

Second chance +10

EXES TO LOVERS THE LOML

Slow burn +7

I have to be on the mood but I do love it

Soulmates +1000

Shoot this shit into my veins too

Tagging if they wanna do this @brokenribsdiaz @katries @cowboy-buddie @loserdiaz @buddierights @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @ronordmann @alyxmastershipper @heartshapedvows @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @spotsandsocks @hippolotamus @shortsighted-owl @elvensorceress @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @the-likesofus @housewifebuck @disasterbuckdiaz @911onabc @giddyupbuck and whoever else wants to do it!

#tag games #trope rating games

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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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random thoughts on the moon signs

moon in pisces is literally my favorite placement ever. something about these people makes me feel safe. as a capricorn moon, i repress my emotions constantly and i’m deadly afraid of showing vulnerability, but pisces moons give off this vibe of constantly being consumed by their emotions – and it’s fascinating. you make me feel like it’s okay to express my deeply emotional side; even better, you encourage it. you’re the type of people who i love crying with while eating ice cream, even cuddling with. your empathy and passion for your interests is your biggest strength.

moon in aquarius reminds me of that shrek quote of him being an onion – you guys have layers upon layers upon layers. my brother is an aquarius moon and sometimes i feel like i’m the only person who knows how emotional he really is. you hate showing this part of yourself – it’s hidden safely from prying hands; you racionalize your emotions, repress them, attempt to conceal them; but ultimately, your deeply compassionate and intuitive nature will be shown – even if only to the very few you trust. your dreams are your biggest strength.

i have never met a cancer moon without raging mommy issues yet who was deeply attached to their mother. you always share this very close bond and she’s very present in your life – yet its so obviously this very toxic dynamic. you guys get this fame for being the only ones with ‘stable’ emotions because your moon is exalted but you’re like.. not. your emotions aren’t stable; much on the contrary, and even if you’re very emotional, you don’t particularly like showing it. most of the cancer moons i’ve known are iffy about expressing their feelings. you joke a lot about your trauma, though, and so you give people the impression of knowing you when really, they don’t know the half of it.

moon in sagittarius makes it feel like life is worth living. you dream so much and so high; you’re so open about your love for adventure and freedom, so optimistic and fun-loving – to the point where most people don’t understand how turbulent your emotions are underneath the façade. you give off the vibe of the funny friend who’s depressed and afraid to show it because you’re supposed to be the one who raises the spirits. doesn’t it hurt when you try opening up to others and they almost seem bothered by it because they prefer it when you’re just this bubble of fun? you need to learn to take that weight off your shoulders – stop trying to entertain others and realize that they’re the ones who need to entertain you. this is your show, baby. your resilience is your strength.

is it possible to be a capricorn moon without having strict parents and a terrible childhood in which you had to raise yourself? because i think it’s kind of a given. it’s so funny how literally everyone sees you as this cold, unemotional, strong person yet you probably cry everyday. a lot of problems with self-worth every time you’re in a bad place mentally, which is constantly. extremely calculating – you always do shit with a clear purpose in mind and it can come off like you’re using people for your own gains. your ability to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against you is your strength. i almost feel like you thrive on pain because that’s how you’ve learned to grow and adapt.

moon in aries people are so smart, and most of all, dedicated. you make me want to get my life together so bad – you’re the type of people to set a goal and go through with it no matter what. you’re always on to something, looking for opportunities and recognition. you see what you want and you go for it. you’re so easy to rile up and lose it, though, it’s so funny how you’re so bold and passionate yet so big of a crybaby (all aries placements are tbh).

moon in scorpio stop being so pessimistic pleathe i will kiss you in the lips just don’t lose your faith in humanity /yet/. trust is the most important thing in the world to you which is funny because you have raging trust issues. so sensitive but you cover that up with anger. you be looking like you wanna commit sporadic murder when on the inside you’re just so hurt. you’re so dependable, things might be in deep shit but as soon as you’re in the room i know we’ll find a way to fix it. if the l*ve of my life doesn’t end up being a scorpio moon i’ll be so pissed.

moon in leo YOU’RE SO INFURIATING PLEASE SHUT UP OR I’LL FUCK YOU??????? massive egos, you know you’re the shit and you won’t shut up about it. likes to start arguments just to rile everyone up and then laugh maniacally in the corner at the chaos they created. always have a wicked plan in mind and i’ll go along with it because you’re also stupidly endearing. the best friends, literally always there when you’re down and sosososo supportive. i’ve noticed that feeling insecure is quite possible the worst thing you can feel, it’ll start to take a toll on your physical health. your ability to be a fucking idiot but also a /pretty/ idiot is your biggest strength.

moon in virgo if you say “well actually, that’s not how that works” one more time i’ll throw hands. incredibly nit-picky and obsessive but also the types of people to have a pile of dirt on their room?? mom friend, WILL take care of her babies/friends. you always ruin the mood yet.. you’re so fun to be around? how does that even work? i could listen to you talk for hours. i don’t think you know what the concept of relaxation is. also pleathe stop with that need to fix others. the fact that you’re so focused on your goals and willing to do just about anything is your biggest strength (it’s also kinda scary).

my mom’s moon is in libra and ma’am can you please stop transferring your mommy issues onto me? i get it, you had a codependent relationship with her and she showed you she loved you while also constantly criticising you and treating you like an extension of herself. my bestie is a libra moon too and it’s also like that. just.. mommy issues and insecurities for days. a passion 4 fashion and people love to be around you. also, i can’t understand how you feel. like, you’ll cry a lot and love so hard yet when you break up with someone you’ll never spare a thought about them again? it’s almost like you can turn your feelings off. which is funny, because that’s supposed to be a capricorn moon thing but i’ve never met one who can stop caring, they just act like they’re heartless to protect themselves. either way, libra moons can switch from sweethearts to cold and aggressive in a literal second and it’s scary but also cool.

moon in gemini please don’t ever shut up you have so much to say, your interests are so fascinating and the way you talk with so much passion about literally anything makes my heart do the flippy thing. also so complicated, can you name one person in this world who fully knows and comprehends you? very secretive, people feel like they know you because you talk a lot and are very open about certain things but as soon as something actually serious happens you turn into allison dilaurentis real quick.

moon in taurus why are you so pretty? you’re so extra too, you always leave the house looking straight off the runaway. you’re literally so caring for your friends and overprotective too, possessive of even them. you prioritize comfort a lot, wether it be on your home or concerning yourself. you’re very good with people, i feel like you’re the ex that your ex-boyfriend’s mom doesn’t ever shut up about because she misses you and wants you to be The one. you need to learn that change isn’t the enemy!! change is fundamental for personal growth. hold grudges for a crazy amount of time. very weird sense of humor, in an oddly endearing way. your mentality of “if they’ve hurt you, they’ve hurt me too” is your biggest strength.

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veritable-trash · 2 years

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Just you, part two!

Pairing: Will Miller x F!Reader

Words: 1.7K

Warning: SHE'S WRITTEN SMUT AH!!!! Sorry real warning time: 18+ kids, explicit smut but with feelinggggg(ps i don't know how to do this all properly so please! let me know if i should be doing warnings better)

A/N: Ok so people liked what I wrote... HAH! This is wild I got 15 notes. 15!!!!! That's also my favorite number so it all felt like a sign to throw myself into this shit again and write smut. Which I've been reading for forever and have never written. SO AGAIN pls be kind to my weak heart. I have never written smut like this before and I'm absolutely unsure of myself but it was fun! This blog is supposed to be fun! It's going to be fun dammit!!! OK anyways enjoy whoever reads this. Will Miller deserves everything. ok hugs and kisses hope you have a lovely week <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been three months. Three months of burning up, giggles, sprinting under stars. They were inseparable, as if there had never been a moment they weren’t together. Will looked at her like she was the sun and she looked at him like he was the moon. So strangely different, but meant to be a pair. Slowly integrating each other into friends and family, hobbies and obsessions. He’d been falling in love with her for years and now he got to do something about it.

Life was normal, good. Sitting in Frankie’s backyard, grill smoking, the afternoon air and beers cooling everyone. September had just turned into October and the heat was finally starting to dissipate, sneak away with the approach of fall. She had been flitting around the backyard all afternoon. Helping Frankie cook. Refreshing beers. Play wrestling with Benny. Constantly moving around like he always remembered her doing. And he just got to watch, sipping his beer, trying to focus on his conversation with Pope but failing miserably. Every time their eyes locked his mind went blank. She was everything.

He finally caught her. Strong arms catching her around the waist, pulling her down onto his lap with a sigh.

“You keep running away from me,”he whispered, rough palm running up her back tangling into the hair at the base of her neck,”Take a breather with me, I’ve missed you.”

She shifts closer, settling into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, wanting to get rid of all the air between them. The way his eyes softened around the edges when they had these little moments made her want to melt into the floor. He looked so happy, so peaceful. And when she scratches her nails through his hair, he hums with content that only she can bring him.

“How could you possibly miss me? You see me almost everyday. We can’t be all codependent and sappy already. Benny and Pope will hate us,”she giggles as she peaks around his head, finding the two men in question rolling their eyes at the scene. “See I told you, they’re absolutely livid.”

He doesn’t even care to look, eyes only for her, always for her. “Baby, I couldn’t care less what those two idiots think about us. Because I’m sitting here with the hottest woman I’ve ever seen and she is giving me the time of day. Who could believe it?”

She turns bashful again, as if the last three months never happened. As if he didn’t know the sounds she made when she came. As if she hadn’t had the taste of him on her tongue just hours before. His arms tighten around her, nose ducking to run along her jaw. Her breath falters with the motion, head lolling to the side, mind starting to wander, to itch for more of him. Always more.

“You’re too good to me. Always too good,”she murmured against his lips. “Can we go? I think Pope and Ben are gonna burn a hole through my head if we stay like this any longer. An-and I need you.” She stutters the words, but means every letter. She always needs him. Their pull so strong they can barely make it a couple hours before she’s dragging him away. Not that he has ever complained.

“Mmm finally, I thought you’d never ask. Let’s get out of here.”

The goodbyes are quick, Frankie sad at their early departure, Santi and Benny shooing them away, but eyes full of mischievous understanding.

The two barely make it to the car before he’s dragging her into his chest. Crowding her against the passenger side door. Nose burying itself under her ear.

“I love this dress. Have I told you how much I love this dress?”

Her head rolls against the car window, breath turning heavy. “Yes, mhm, yep you have. A bunch of times actually. I know you like it because every time I wear it you fuck me till I can’t walk.” He huffs against her neck, teeth trailing along her heartbeat.

“Are you teasing me sweetheart? Because if you wanted me to fuck you, you’ve just got to ask.” His teeth sink into the skin of her shoulder, whimper rolling off her tongue.

“Will, I always want you to fuck me. You know this. I know this. I’m pretty sure Benny, Pope, and Fish know this.”

“Well then let’s get you home since you’re so needy.” He pulls away, eyes swirling with a smile as he takes her all in. The blown pupils, fluttering breath, white teeth pulling at pink lips. She’s everything to him.

~~~

The drive home is unsurprisingly fast. The music playing over the speakers doing little to dull the want in the air. And as soon as they reach the door it’s unbearable. He crowds her up against it, forever the tease he claims he isn’t. Teeth nipping at her neck as she tries to find her keys. Giggles, gasps, and his name the only sounds she can make. Finally the keys are found and the door gives way and she has her arms wrapped around his neck as his mouth finally seals with hers.

“I want you on the couch. I want you to sit on my cock. I want to taste you.” He’s already pushing her into the living room, mouthes barely separating as he speaks.

“God Will, you want a whole lot of things. Now sit down and let me give it to you” She pushes him down as they finally round the couch. He’s all heaving chest, glassy eyes, tongue running over teeth as he stares up at her. She can see the way his hands twitch with the need to touch her. To run his palms up her thighs. To pull her into him till they turn into one.

“Baby you are so pretty.” she says, and he can’t help but laugh. The way her hip is cocked, the smirk pulling at her lips, makes him feel like he’s in a dream. Like the second she settles back on his lap he’ll wake up and she’ll be gone.

And then she’s all up in his space. Mouthing at his neck, nails running down his stomach, her core settling right over where he’s been aching for her all day. His skin jumps with every touch, every movement.

And then he snaps back into the moment. His hands surge up into her hair, pulling her head back with a twist of his wrist as his mouth finds hers again. His tongue lapping into her mouth wanting to taste every inch of her. Wanting to absorb every broken whimper and moan. She’s rocking into him now, unable to pretend that she hasn’t been pooling slick since they left the house this morning. She’s clawing at his shirt, ripping it over his head, nails finally finding purchase on skin. His hips cant up at the feeling of her nails on his back, his chest, his stomach. And then her fingers curl around his belt, and he almost jerks at the feeling.

The clink of his belt, the purr of the zipper, it all adds to the frenzy of tongues, teeth, and hands. Their lips are barely touching, more so breathing into each others mouthes. Her hand curls around his cock seconds before his thumb finds her clit and they moan,

“F-fuck. I need you”

His thumb circles her clit, pulling her panties to the side finally feeling the slick wet heat of her. Her thumb circles his head and she can feel his precum leaking for her. She pulls his cock out so she can finally feel all of him and he ruts into her hand. His fingers slide into the wet clutch of her cunt and she flutters all over. They’re rocking and pulling and touching and moaning and it’s all becoming so much, too much.

“Let me inside baby. Let me feel you.”

“Yes-yes, god yes, anything for you.”

Her hands settle on his shoulders as his fingers slide out of her and then she’s sinking down on him before they suffocate from the need to feel. She keens for him, whimpers onto his tongue. He grabs her hips, rocking up into her, chasing after more. More feeling, more her. Her head falls into his neck, breathing him in, nails snagging against the muscles of his back, and it’s like she can’t grab enough of him. Can’t get her hands on enough.

They rock together, ebb and flow. Hands caressing, scratching, gripping onto anything they can reach. Her molten walls flutter around him. His shoulders bunch under her hands. He smells like barbecue smoke and sweat and her shampoo. They pull apart just for a moment, just to look into each others eyes, to ground themselves for just a moment. Their eyes crinkle at the edges and then they’re crashing back into each other. Burning from the inside out.

And then her walls start to grip and suck him deeper, his groans start to crack at the edges. They are hurtling and climbing higher and higher. His thumb finds her clit again and she moans so loud its almost embarrassing if not for how good he always makes her feel. She clamps down on him and he’s gone. Stuttering strokes causing her to crash and see stars. It’s almost like they glitch out, their bodies so overwhelmed with feeling all they can do is pant and rock into the feeling until it gets all too much. She pulls back first, head leaving the safety of his neck to run her nose along his. They can feel their cum leaking between them and they shiver. Blue eyes ripple open and it’s all peace and tranquility. They’re chest to chest, woven together so tight it’s like there is no way to break them apart. Eyes locked holding onto the moment for a breath longer.

His lips find hers and he breaths in. Is only really able to breath when he’s with her. Just like this. Open and fragile and wonderful. He’s never been so in love.

for posterity huzah!

#will miller x you #will miller x reader #fanfic #triple frontier fic #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #william ironhead miller #william miller #will miller imagine #is huzah my new catch phrase #i think it is :)

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khadaj-ballad · 3 years

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Johnny x V scenarios that live rent free in my head

Johnny x V but Johnny’s jealous of the love interest when they flirt with V and he reminds V who they’re real boyfriend is. Even if he is just a construct.

Johnny x Male!V x Kerry but healthy and wholesome.

V wakes up before Konpeki and does everything in their power to save Jackie and Johnny. (Time travel❤️)

Johnny wakes up in 2020 after going with Alt beyond the black wall and somehow he’s in the past missing V. Only to later find out there’s a strange new solo that Rogue is complaining about because they keep taking her jobs. It’s V, very confused and lost in 2020 thinking Johnny doesn’t know them. Slow burn and a hella satisfy reunion( more time travel ❤️)

V find a way to survive and get Johnny a new body. It’s happily ever after but Johnny and V are a bit codependent and it’s a problem to everyone but them. They become a dynamic duo in the merc community but Rogue just sees a very competent V and a very needy Johnny following V around like a lost puppy trying to keep them alive. V’s friends think they should have alone time away from Johnny and V’s just sitting in Johnny’s lap like “ if I could crawl into Johnny’s chest and stay there warmed by his blood and meat, I would” Johnny shrugs and V’s friends are creeped out. (Did I mention my V Headcanon is full goblin Trash child. Kinda aloof but chaotic gremlin.)

Alternatively the real dynamic that only Johnny and V ( and probably Misty, Vic, Jackie, and Mama Welles) is that of chaotic goblin throwing themself into danger and reluctant rocker boy just trying to keep his goblin alive.

Alive Johnny being really antagonist to Judy, River, and Panam (Kerry’s fine). V being oblivious and being like they’re my friends and Johnny being like “uh huh, friends that want in your pants.”

Johnny being really obvious about his love for V but too shy to just say it out right and V being a dumby and being like “I wish Johnny loved me back” and everyone else face palming.

Johnny x V x Kerry daddy kink lol and sugar baby!V

Johnny x V x Kerry x Takemura

Agender!V/ trans!V having gender dysphoria and Johnny comforting them

Johnny being a clean freak, surprisingly, because of covid and quarantine in 2020 and having to live In the head of a goblin that eats day old pizza off the floor. V thinks plates are overrated. Johnny being like “back in my day...” about COVID and V being like disease are so 2020, old man.

V and Johnny fighting constantly to the point where everyone thinks they hate one another and turns out they’re married/in a relationship and have a dog (Rottweiler or pit bull or boxer) and a cat ( Nibbles) no one but misty and Jackie know among v’s friends and Kerry and Rogue are so over these two little shit old couple bickering.

V and Johnny survive but there minds merge to the point where they can’t tell where one ends and the other begins but the love eachothers so they love their new self. It’s like Garnet in Steven Universe. (They are their fury, they are their patience, they are a conversation) They’re V Silverhand. And not long after they merge V goes to Vic and gets their hand (only their hand not their arm) replaced with a silver one.

Angsty one where Arasaka rip Johnny’s construct out of V’s head and tortures V but Takemura helps Johnny get a new body so they can save V. Main focus is the healing and love and comfort that comes after. V going to therapy. Arasaka really did a number on V so V’s like selectively Mute or needs a lot of physical therapy also. V feeling like a burden and Johnny and all of V’s friends being loving and supportive and reassuring. (Either Takemura dies to help get V and Johnny to safety OR Johnny and Takemura become reluctant friends and then it’s either Takemura watching these two idiots be gross and cute and shit or Johnny x V x Takemura)

Just any sad V content with fluff and comfort.

Wholesome living established relationship content.

That’s it that’s the post

#johnny silverhand #V #Johnny x V #v x johnny #johnny silverhand x v #cute little fic ideas #again I need a new hobby so I might write these #but also don’t hold your breath #that said if you wanna write one #PLEASE DO #cyberpunk 2077

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nochiquinn · 2 years

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lovm watch party 2: I said I wasn’t gonna do this but nobody told me it was live commentary. yes I am commenting on the commentary.

oh, liam got her

"putting laura bailey on the spot" is my favorite content

"depsite his cold exterior....he's cold all the way through"

"if you have light-up crystals, you use them"

"this is our whole relationship, right here" "now give me your money"

pickle 🖤

"don't wake the dead >:("

it's fun to say!!

changes my twitter name to "illegal immoral and fattening"

"how long have they been there and why haven't they clean"

my roommate that I finally bullied into watching dubbed grog "a big dumb puppy" immediately

update: still hate it

liam: everybody shut up my wife's on screen

none of us are over keyleth but liam o'brien is definitely not over keyleth

"don't go outside!" "that's where the bad is!"

wait no changes my twitter name to ghost skritches

nobody called out the table, I'm sad

"he pooped in a jar?!" "it's. it's complicated."

"I'm just gonna drink now."

"it wasn't THAT hard"

"somehow didn't put it a blindspot pun"

"I wanna make people cry"

so he's who I have to go after for emotional damages

oh daughter of the sea was SO GOOD

mala: moral of this story: shoot your shot

I would buy a metapigeon

"we can't joke about things here"

okay I know I said trigun but those are trigun as hell

"that's stupid and wouldn't work!" "I know! they don't!"

mala: there are too many bisexuals here, that's their problem

she didn't want to be a Big Titty Anime Girl

the fact that there are just wires going into their ears and I can't see the earpiece is bothering me for some reason

oh no undercut vax

"he's on time-out"

simon gets belts and a chain

[edna mode voice] NO BELTS

"that's my prom photo"

"we can sense each other like bats"

"you poopin?"

"we are used to screaming alone in a small room. also we record things."

"she will never move on from trinket" ask sam

"force matt to do all kinds of horrible things he doesn't wanna do" that's it that's the game

sunjin as the fandom and also liam

"why not both"

The Adventure Begins

#ithasbegin

"you gonna have fun byeeee"

their legs are made of fingers

changes twitter name to /pizza

"I'm the adult, none of you are old enough to drive" taliesin

"they're just doing what mama asked!!"

"whoops, saved us again"

"give her five seconds to think about something and it'll all go to hell" relateable

guiding arrow up the butt

JUST noticed vex pulling percy after her. this is my fifth time watching it.

"I can't believe you killed the horses!" "they had to go!"

"the vampiric energy is why we get such beautiful sunsets in whitestone"

just ten minutes of "oh noooo"

"she accidentally killed a lot of people"

laura validating my dissertation on the twins' codependency

"give matt a list of names and this is what happens"

"he needs a warm cup of cocoa and a blanket - " "AND HIS PARENTS"

"that's when we knew matt wasn't fucking around"

oh I did not catch the nails

"what do they see in each other" "she's hot" "he's hot"

"your brother's an idiot and everybody else is just goofing off"

take a nap and make a watch, maybe you'll feel better

catching the uwus

that was a hell of an analogy

I want this gifset. I'm not gonna make it but I want it

"I don't wanna murder on live television!"

flashbacks to travis and his zappy swatter

oh this is so weird without the music. like good, but weird

I love him calling out different people working on these shots

"girl u ok"

grog for scale

that is a sexy wagon tho

"wolf-abomination"

oh no bottom left I hate it

mala: instituting a 4 legs maximum

justin mcelroy talking about when they got to write for marvel: feels increasingly like a prank

"we should always talk about darin de paul" correct

we lost laura, laura has left the chat

laura beating taliesin up live on the internet

"were they body wind chimes?" "I mean not yet"

"we hired a real bird, he was excellent"

if they don't stop saying "zaddy" I'mma mcfuckin lose it for entirely unrelated reasons

"we get to keep light"

"I want this in my house"

"no one like a sober barbarian"

"this is what shooting in brooklyn is like"

"this is a beautiful show" smash cut to spitting blood

so much bass in one room

"sound design 10/10 but please stop"

dfslkd I also did not catch Reggie

Pocket Sausage

I Fell Out Of The Window

so much celery

oh THAT'S rahlia. mystery solved

"where's percy" doing hot girl shit

"percy's having therapy" that is NOT therapy taliesin

3D HORSES

"and then they burn with the house"

tallyessen jaffie

liam and laura what are you doing back there

taliesin trying desperately to get out of the accent

"percy just coming out" that ship has sailed

"I had a dream I was from california"

give us the lore taliesin

"draw me a bear riding a horse drinking beer in flowing water"

Speaking Of Nipples

"am I a bossy person" "I'm not answering that while I'm in arm's reach"

"thanks mica. ...what are you doing after this?"

"couch bros" [pours one out for Chaos Couch]

conceal don't feel

"I can fix him"

"percy at his core is still in his pajamas with his buttflap hanging out"

"how much of that is matt just torturing you"

"it was just never-ending stupid"

door episode dvd extra

#the legend of vox machina #critical role #spoilers #crititag #liveblog #reaction post #lovmtag

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thealexchen · 2 years

Note

I’ve heard many people say, “If cishet men asked for a game centered only on them or poc asked for a game primarily about them, y’all would act up”. No hate to those I’ve seen say that, but that’s a false equivalency. Cishet (white) men have an abundance of rep, and poc (especially queer poc) deserve games that center them. LIS & BTS mean a lot to many wlw (me included) bc they’re queer coming of age stories that dealt with first love, strange and scary powers, physical and emotional abuse,

codependency, grooming, addiction, sexual assault, mental illness, and more. But the main characters are still white. And poc (queer or otherwise) deserve games that center them. And colorism & misogyny play roles as well. I can’t name a single game that centers a queer darkskinned black woman, for example. And thanks to misogynoir, we tend to see many more darkskinned black men than women in media in general. And the idea that someone has to be the race of a character to relate to them is callous and idiotic. I haven’t seen that argument used for anything aside from justifying obvious personal prejudice. Inclusivity is essential; if the next LIS game features all poc, and especially queer darkskinned poc, I’ll welcome it gladly. The last thing I should also mention is that I was excluding games like The Sims, The Mass Effect Series, The Fallout Series, etc where you as the player can determine those things about your character(s). Yes they’re important, but people can still opt out if they want to, and there need to be more games that have fixed queer darkskinned characters.)

Thank you for sharing and for your perspective. It really, truly sucks how little certainty I have that a future LiS game will feature a predominantly POC cast, because all of its settings have been so white so far (Thanks Oregon and Colorado! /s). And yes, non-customizable characters are essential to representation because their identities are non-negotiable and can't be changed or ignored. People from marginalized backgrounds have been forced to relate to cishet white protagonists for decades, so when stories feature marginalized protagonists, audiences better shut up and pay attention! And as I've been getting at in my LiS2 critique, POC deserve protagonists who not only look like them, but protagonists in stories that don't serve white audiences. Stories that celebrate, that ask nuanced questions, that show their research and sensitivity, and that don't exist to make white people feel good about how "woke" they are. We shouldn't settle for stories that simplify or cater to what white audiences know or don't know or what they want to hear.

I also really appreciate you brought up colorism and the term misogynoir, because it's really sickening how insidiously colorism factors into portrayals of women of color without us realizing it. Even Alex, for example, is half Southeast Asian, but you'd never know it looking at her light skin tone and very pale Vietnamese mother (not to mention Mrs. Chen taking her husband's last name, which isn't even accurate because Vietnamese, Chinese, and Korean women keep their last names when they marry). It's great that we can expect queerness in LiS games now and that the series set that precedent, but it still sucks that six years on, we're still waiting for a non-white love interest in a LiS game.

#anon #answered asks #listc #lis #lis2 #colorism #racism #life is strange #life is strange true colors #alex chen #life is strange 2 #representation matters #representation

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wincestismyguiltypleasure · 4 years

Text

Warnings: Weecest, a little angsty, jealous!Sam, bratty, emotional, and confused baby brother content, feminization, name calling, humiliation, sadist!Dean, spankings, and of course, that sweet, sweet fucked up codependency. 💋

--------------

Sam just wanted Dean's attention. He always had.

And when he didn't get it, Sam felt not only emotionally, but physically injured by his brother's "neglect." Like Dean had taken his switchblade to Sam's heart, cutting it open just a little bit to play with it. As if he was curious to what was inside. Like Dean had no clue know that every vein, artery, and nerve worked in unison for him.

And over the years, that small wound had ripped open wider and wider on it's own, even though it was no secret that Dean's life had always revolved around Sam.

Perhaps it was a product of Sam's jealousy? His resentment towards John and the unshakable devotion Dean showed him?

Sam didn't really know. But no matter the cause, what was once a dull ache in Sam's chest was now a blinding pain. The only hope of soothing it resting solely on his big brother's touch.

And the worst part about it? Dean knew. He knew Sam was desperate for something so simple as a sideways glance or a pat on the back. Sam would poke and prod and tug at the hem of Dean's shirt for just the slightest bit of recognition, like he really didn't know that he was already the very center of his big brother's entire world.

It was infuriating sometimes, and it made Dean want to be cruel just to prove a point. Besides, at the end of the day, Dean was still Sam's big brother. Ignoring him was part of Dean's job description. And maybe, just maybe, Dean got a sick sense of satisfaction out of making Sammy beg like a slut for something that was already his.

"Dean, c'mon! Pay attention!"

John had only been gone for ten minutes before Sam was shaking Dean's leg violently, trying to make his brother look up from the magazine he was reading.

"Jesus Christ, Sam. Can't you leave me alone for five fucking seconds?"

Dean doesn't have to see Sam's face to know the younger boy is pouting; the corner of his lips turning up in a twisted smirk at the thought of his little brother's pretty eyes starting to water.

There's no answer to Dean's question, just a loud huff and the sound of the bathroom door slamming, rusty screws barely keeping it on the hinges.

And if Dean didn't get such a kick out of being an asshole to his needy little brother he might have felt bad for hurting Sam's feelings. But he doesn't, mainly because this was all part of the sick, fucked up game they'd been playing since Sam had turned sixteen. This volatile give and take, back and forth, born out of Sam's misguided pain. The younger boy thinking that Dean loved John more than him and Dean's cutthroat determination to prove his little brother wrong. To show Sam that even if he isn't looking, he's still paying attention. And that he couldn't stop paying attention to Sam even if he tried.

Honestly, Dean still gets a little hot under the collar thinking about the first Sammy pushed his buttons like this. He'd been both mortified and so disgustingly turned on when he found out that his sweet baby brother knew just how to act bratty and coy to get fucked through the mattress. God, Dean was so pissed and guilty about it at the time that he'd almost thrown up afterwards.

Even now, Dean feels kinda queasy. But the feeling is so simple to ignore this go around because he's also rock hard and shaking a little from the anticipation.

Oh, and of course, Sam makes him wait. Almost two fucking hours. Tiny beads of water still dripping from the younger boy's long, dirty blonde hair when Sam finally emerges from the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of lacy blue panties and a triumphant smile.

"Seriously, Samuel?" Dean asks, trying his best to keep his voice steady as he tosses his magazine to the side and sits up.

But Sam, being the shameless little tease that he is, just grins wider and does a slow turn. Making sure to show off every sharp curve and flawless inch of sun kissed skin he had before looking over at Dean and giggling.

"Think you can ignore me now, big brother?"

Sam barely gets the words out before Dean is off the bed, marching over to him with purpose, not stopping until the two of them are only a few inches apart and his baby brother's eyes are wide with fear.

"What do you want, Sam?" The older boy asks through gritted teeth, even though the answer is so painfully obvious.

And even though it is, Sam can't say it. He's never been able to because it's Dean's job to know. Without Dean guiding the way, Sam's just a confused kid with a need so intense and overwhelming that it could swallow him whole. And it would, if it wasn't for Dean.

Dean knows what Sam wants, and Sam hates the fact that he doesn't hate his brother for making him feel this way.

But still, he can't talk and he can't explain, so instead Sam just whines. Taking a timid step forward into his brother's personal space, searching for pity with those big innocent doe eyes. And fuck, does that do the trick. Every. Single. Time.

"What, baby?" Dean asks again, this time softer, his expression lightening as he grabs Sam by the wrist to pull him closer.

"Dean."

Sam's knees feel wobbly. His heart threatening to pound out of his chest because there's nothing in the world more intoxicating and simultaneously terrifying than looking into Dean's gorgeous green eyes when they're full of rage and passion.

"You want this?" Dean's voice is rough, like cigarette smoke blown over shattered glass as he guides Sam's trembling hand between his thighs. Pressing his little brother's warm palm hard against his erection before he makes Sam squeeze just a little, the both of them letting out a breathy groan.

"Please Dean," Sam whimpers, knees nearly buckling when Dean leans forward with a filthy grin, cherry red lips ghosting lightly over Sam's. The older boy teasing him like he always did. Pretending like wasn't eventually going to give Sam everything he wanted and more.

"Say it."

Sam's stomach clenches at the command, throat going dry because he hates this part. (Or at least Sam pretends that he does.)

"I want..." Sam groans, eyes closed tight as Dean nuzzles against him, making Sam go crazy with need. "I want your cock. Please Dean."

When Sam hears Dean chuckle, a low, filthy sound that makes his insides feel unbearably hot, Sam almost starts crying again. He's so naive and inexperienced compared to Dean. And Dean knows Sam feels like an idiot when his big brother makes him talk dirty. Which is exactly why he does it. The bastard.

"I know you do, baby boy," Dean laughs as he takes a step back, and Sam swears he feels his heart detach and drop into his stomach. Long, bony fingers instinctively trying to curl around Dean's shirt but to no avail.

"Dean-"

Sam's temper tantrum is cut short when Dean sits down on the foot of the bed and raises a hand, the look on his face calm but dangerous and it makes Sam almost swallow his own tongue.

"C'mere and lay across my lap."

"Why should I?"

Sam's voice doesn't sound like his own when he challenges his brother. It's weak and breathless and honestly, Sam can't believe an apex predator like Dean didn't go for his throat right then and there.

"You've been buckin' for my attention all day, sweetheart. You got a better way to get it?"

God, Sam wishes he did because the last thing he wants is to give in so easily. But what Sam's been dying for is right here in front of him now. Ripped jeans wrapped tight around thick thighs that he'd sell his soul to be bent over and Sam isn't about to turn down an open invitation.

"Gotta hand it to you, little brother," Dean says when Sam's finally stretched out across his lap. Sam's pretty face, flushed and tear stained, hidden in the mattress as Dean starts to soflty rub circles against his ass. "Despite all that fuss, you really are an obdient little bitch."

"Fuc-"

Sam nearly gags on his insult when he feels Dean's palm, rough and warm, connect with his right ass cheek. The blow hard enough to make his whole body jerk, tears of frustration rather than pain starting to blur his vision as he squirms in Dean's lap.

"Dean, please," Sam begs, his tight panties completely soaked through as he rubs himself desperately against Dean's thigh. His cock so hard and swollen that he feels a little dizzy, pleasure and pain fighting for dominance in his mind. Every one of his nerve endings on fire as Dean continues his ruthless assault. Each gentle touch followed by a thunderous smack that Sam swears makes his teeth rattle.

"Hey, don't cry, baby boy," Dean whispers when one of his rough blows finally rips a sob from Sam's throat. "This is what you wanted right? My undivided attention?"

Sam chokes back the urge to tell Dean that he hates him. One, because he doesn't. They both know that. And two, because if Sam doesn't swallow his pride soon and play by Dean's rules, he knows he'll never get want he really wants. That's what all this is about after all. Sam's insatiable need and Dean's absolute willingness to provide.

"C'mon, Sammy. You're a smart kid, you know what your answer should be."

Sam's only response is a loud, wanton groan, his knuckles turning chalk white around the blanket beneath him when he feels the tip of Dean's finger, rough and slick with spit, tease his rim. Pressing just hard enough to make Sam's hips jerk, but not applying quite enough pressure to slip inside him.

"Yes," Sam croaks, daring to push back against his brother's finger only to be rewarded with a smack to his right ass cheek that makes him see stars. "This is what I wanted."

"I know it is, slut."

Dean's finger feels wetter this time, hotter. And Sam's not expecting his brother to push in so deep, his eyes rolling back in pleasure when Dean barely grazes his prostate, clearly torturing Sam for all the shit he'd put him through that day. An eye for an eye was most definitely the Winchester way.

"You want me to finger fuck this tight little pussy until you make a mess all over your cute panties, don't ya baby boy?"

"Yes! Fuck Dean please." Sam isn't even trying to hold back his sobs now, big salty tears rolling down his cheeks as he wiggles around in Dean's lap. Desperate for his big brother to fuck him deeper. But before he can get the leverage he needs, Sam's empty again, mouth hanging open as Dean's next blow makes his whole body rock forward involuntary, neglected cock throbbing painfully against the worn denim of his brother's jeans.

"I'll give you want you want, Sammy," Dean coos, caressing Sam's battered skin with his palm. "I always do. But first, I'm gonna teach you a lesson about acting like a brat."

Of course, Sam's been taught this lesson before and it hasn't seemed to stick. But it doesn't matter, because they both know as long as Sam craves his big brother's attention, Dean will gladly put him in his place give it to him.

#weecest #Wincest

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luci-cunt · 3 years

Text

Hannigram??? Works???

aka: Hannibal and Will’s relationship isn’t healthy but at the end of the series its sort of has the potential to be? Or: a very long and rambly analysis of idiot gay cannibals and the power of equal standing in relationships

(1.5k words because I murder brevity with my teeth)

Trigger/ Spoiler warning for: Hannibal

-------------------

Ok I said they have the potential to be healthy and not that they are healthy because--lol, they’re not.

In the first season they’re “friends” but Hannibal’s also gaslighting the hell out of Will/ keeping a life threatening disease diagnosis from him/ framing him for murder/ shoving their daughters ear down his throat.

In the second season they’re almost enemies? but not really? Because Will is just as fucked up as Hannibal is so he doesn’t actually consider Hannibal to be his enemy, he just realizes he has Hannibal twisted around his finger and starts jerking the fucker around and it takes Hannibal all the way up to the finale to realize he’s not the one in control anymore.

In the third season they’re struggling because they don’t know how to be equals, they’re both fucked up and don’t know how to have normal, stable relationships so they’re jsut kind of feeling in the dark, falling back on old habits (eating your problems, murdering your problems, running away from your problems, etc) when things get uncomfortable. It’s--again--not until the season finale that they both realize that’s what they’re BOTH doing and find a comfort in realizing they’re both trying, but not succeeding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Hannibal finds people interesting he “fosters codependency” so they cannot leave him (Abigail with the Boyle murder cover-up, Bedelia with getting eaten, Will with literally all the first season). Meanwhile Will just doesn’t do close relationships. Alana is the only person he considers to be his friend but she’s constantly fighting to keep that title, same with Beverly actually. Will himself doesn’t put any effort into keeping those friendships, he leaves it entirely up to them.

But Hannibal and Will’s bond forms so easily that it surprises both of them--and then when Hannibal defaults to his need to make Will dependent on him so he can’t leave, Will defaults to his rejection of dependency and points out that’s what Hannibal’s doing but also goes along with it because he finds himself almost wanting to be closer to the man.

This--the fact that Hannibal’s attempt at closeness is recognized and accepted, and that Will is allowing himself to be open with someone--is new to both of them. Equally.

(By the way this is in the form of Abigail, Hannibal fosters codependency by putting the responsibility of Abigail on both his and Will’s shoulders and Will allows this by recognizing it, pointing it out [”You’re fostering codependency doctor.”], and then still allowing it [going along with the Boyle cover up].)

Just--ok think about Dolce. (The ep where they reunite in the third season and Will tries to kill Hannibal only to get shot by Chiyoh and then for Hannibal to decide he’s going to eat Will’s brain before the Italian’s show up and kidnap them both.)

Will finding Hannibal is big for both of them: because it means that Will looked for Hannibal--actively sought him out by reflecting on past conversations they’ve had--and it also means that Hannibal was where Will could find him. It’s a shaky apology on both sides because they aren’t willing to actually apologize for any of their actions but they recognize the pain they’ve caused on another.

However, Will tries to murder Hannibal because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I mean--he does--what I mean is that this relationship is such unexplored territory for both of them that it’s uncomfortable at first, and Will doesn’t trust Hannibal to be waiting on the other side while he stumbles thru the dark rn, so he falls back on old habits and tries murdering the problem.

Hannibal tries to eat Will’s brain because he’s also falling back on old habits (eating his problems) because he’s also uncomfortable with the new territory. He’s just more open to fumbling, but he’s hypersensitive to rejection (Mizumono, Dolce, getting himself arrested when Will tells him to get gone, that “Was it good to see me Will?” scene, etc.), and he takes Will’s stabbing attempt as rejection. At least until he drags him away and they have their “you forgive like god does Will--would you have made it quick? Or would you have stopped to gloat?” “Does god gloat?” “Often.” Conversation, and he realizes he’s not being rejected BUT he reminded that he’s still terrified OF the rejection so--boop eat the man.

(Oh also Will running away from the problem by letting Hannibal kill him--which, yes, is what was happening. He could have warned Jack that Hannibal was under the table as SOON as Jack came in the door but instead he waits until the last possible second. Also you can’t blame it on the drugs either if he can complain about Hannibal’s soup and keep up with this idiots waxing poetic ramblings he can tell that Jack came in. Also also also: Hannibal told him Jack was coming and also got under the table literally there was no reason for Will to NOT call out to Jack when he came in except that he didn’t want Jack to stop Hannibal.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that in season one the power balance is in Hannibal’s court--and season two it’s in Will’s--and then in season three it’s wildly rocking back and forth between both of them before someone hits a metaphorical pause button--aka the “this is all I’ve ever wanted for you--for us.” “It’s beautiful.” scene.

Fundamentally I think this show is about Hannibal and Will’s relationship. The cliff scene is as much an ending as it is a beginning. That “it’s beautiful” exchange is both of them realizing they’re EQUALLY having trouble finding footing in their relationship, they’re realizing they’re BOTH uncomfortable to a certain degree with the new territory and that it’s just that for both of them--new territory.

Idk, you know when you’re taking a test and you have no idea what the answer to some question is so you’re slyly trying to look around to figure out if you’re the only one being stupid or if it’s just a hard test? And you don’t see anyone else looking around so you just miserably try your best but it’s not your best becasue you’re already in the mindset that you’re an idiot? And it’s not until after the test at lunch when you hear everyone else talking about how difficult it was that you realize you weren’t the only one struggling?

THATS this.

Hannibal and Will are both extremely lonely people becasue they’re fucked up. No one can know Hannibal entirely because he’s a serial cannibal, and no one can know Will entirely because his boredom with other peoples mortality scares them. Neither of them have been seen entirely until the other came into their lives, but they’re not used to being seen so it’s scary.

Both of them react to one another hostilely first--Will blatantly being an asshole at the prospect of Hannibal psychoanalyzing him and then Hannibal putting on this guise of “I’m completely removed from the situation and just curious to wind this man up and watch him go” but he’s not removed.

Honestly to me it feels like it was originally Hannibal’s plan to just leave Will in jail taking the blame for his murders, but actually misses Will, because being seen was scary but the other option is so lonely.

Will’s going through something similar, but he’s less inflammatory. Hannibal is all action, present--Will is getting too close? Get rid of him. He starts missing Will? Get him back. He has a problem and he acts on it immediately.

Will is patient and willing to wait and watch--Hannibal frames him for murder? Set up an elaborate series of events that will end in Hannibal losing something he holds more dear than his own life--his freedom. Mason kills his unborn child? Convince Mason to kill Hannibal so that Hannibal will torture Mason for Will.

Hannibal is dramatic and Will is apathetic, they’re both danger but different brands.

If the first two seasons are them trading power, then the third is them wildly grabbing for it despite the fact that they don’t want power over one another, and that final episode--that final scene--is them realizing this.

I said it was a beginning as much as an ending because it’s now that their relationship can finally actually advance, but it’s also the conclusion of them working separately, and instead embracing the idea of fumbling together.

I honestly don’t know where people get the idea that the show is about Hannibal “corrupting” Will. If that’s the case then this final episode makes this show a tragedy. Good succumbing to evil.

But--motherfuckers its not!!!

Will isn’t good, he tells us from the first episode he enjoyed killing Hobbes, that the reason he stopped being a cop was because he knew once he started killing he wouldn’t be able to stop. He manipulates people constantly, he got Abel killed, tried to get Chilton murdered, and then a season later he gets Chilton burned alive. He’s not good, he’s fucked up!!!

This show isn’t about corruption--it’s about realization!!!

Idk I love them, I hate them, and I love them.

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannigram #luci doesn't shut up #akjs;dlfjasdklfj #lol when am I going to stop talking about hannibal?#never #akjsd;f;lajksdf;lkja #they're just--FUCKKKKK so interestiiiinnnggg #ok sue me

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eolewyn1010 · 3 years

Text

my Tatort München faves, part 2

Watch out, I cannot guarantee spoiler-free territory:

Ein mörderisches Märchen (2001): Murdering someone for blowing smoke into your face? #relatable! No, but we get a very challenging adversary for our darling Kriminalhauptkommissare. The smart puppetmaster only talking in riddles while staging the mystery for the police to muddle out is quite a cliché - but they make the MOST of it. Ivo gets one hell of a trauma from the whole thing (he also curses in Croatian, as an Ivo does). I always enjoy when they have to really understand a culprit and the stakes are high. And... interesting foreshadowing with Carlo holding the hand of a dying man? I like how the music throughout the episode fits the fairytale theme, so sweet and melancholy.

Im Visier (2003): The hostage-taking *swoon*. I love Franz with all my heart. Him interacting with conflicted criminals? Yes, please! Can I say he’s such a Dad? He is. Also, nice when the guy waving a gun isn’t the biggest asshole around. Thank you very much for a loving, trust-based, not-backstabby bond between two characters that’s not romantic. Don’t need that anyway because Franz and Ivo are Very Married this episode. Especially Ivo when Franz is either having a “what have I done with my life” moment or just generally being a Softhearted Idiot(TM). The end is great; we get some pretty, pretty character development coming to close, someone finally getting told to shut the f*** up and Franz being snarky. Me like!

Nicht jugendfrei (2004): This might legit be one of the most contrast-y Tatort episodes ever? It made me giggle helplessly, and it made me wail like a dog. And I’ll say it here: Franz and Ivo are a blast when they’re stoned. My poor boys, but I laughed so hard. Also their banter with that drug squad officer, how he goes “I’ve decided to hate you guys” and you just know that he loves them. And the actual stars of the episode, the merry old trio? Whoever wrote these characters: I love you; may your family be blessed for seven generations. The relationship dynamics between them are glorious, and also how they are absolutely on par with (and sometimes superior to) my darling inspectors. Gotta admit, I don’t care too much about the murder itself, but neither does the episode, it seems.

Außer Gefecht (2006): Does it even need repeating? I think I already gushed over this one a couple times. The interplay between Franz and the culprit is just *chef’s kiss*. The mutual loathing and codependence, the mind games, the arguments, the strange sort of trust that’s just on the edge of Stockholm’s syndrome. Of course, this wouldn’t be such a damn fine episode if everything around wouldn’t sit perfectly, too - I love that overeager, holier-than-thou cop rookie and the development she goes through, and how Ivo deals with having had an argument with Franz just before the disaster by turning his despair into iron determination. I’ve watched this episode several times, and knowing the (beautiful, beautiful, melancholic and poetic) ending makes no difference; it never loses any impact or suspense.

#Tatort München #personal opinions #they so married #watching Tatort for the characters not for the Tatort #Franz be like #I'mma Lima syndrome my way right out of this one!#Klapptasche

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duchesschameleon · 3 years

Text

codependent idiots

an ajf playlist for @winterscaptain

hello tali! and everyone else reading this.

music is something incredibly important to me, as a musician and as someone who hates existing in silence. I always need something in the background. so, what better way to celebrate 100 ajf fics than with a playlist? tali, I am so incredibly proud of you for 100 ajf fics and so honored to have been part of the journey. and to be your friend. seeing the hard work that goes into this universe and how much you love it is just incredible. I cannot wait for what comes next and to see you continue to create and grow this universe that I love so, so much. you are amazing and wonderful and I love you to bits and pieces darling.

so without further ado, here’s the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0RpXkdEbsdMqX6l5daBdaL?si=bae62e4556674c84

These songs make me think of ajf or just fit the universe - it’s not about one specific moment or one specific relationship, it’s ajf as whole. So I’ve included a little explanation for each song, considering there isn’t a cohesive sound.

paper rings - taylor swift

this one is pretty self explanatory. it’s a song about loving someone so much you don’t care how, when, or why you marry them. considering meraki, I think we can all agree this fits.

I will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie

this is a song that screams going to the end of the line for someone. and we’ve seen time and time again (and I’ve referenced it in many a commentary) that aaron & mom lean on each other for everything. they are so reliant on each other for everything and I feel like this song captures it.

be my baby - the ronettes

another classic love song. and just the right amount of sweetness for aaron & mom I think. their love, to me, is a deep and everlasting love that endures and as we’ve seen in the fic, is filled with sweet moments between each other. and there’s a lot in this song about knowing you love someone from the start.

can’t keep on loving you from a distance - elliot yamin

this fits into berry hill/mean it ajf I think. it’s the yearning guys. it’s the not being able to love someone from afar anymore and wanting to do something about it. yeah I threw in a little angst, but this is one of my favorite songs. it’s good and it fits. it’s a crossroads.

die a happy man - thomas rhett

pretty self explanatory, listen to the lyrics. it's all about needing just the love of the person you love the most in this world. that is aaron and mom to a t.

unforgettable - thomas rhett

okay an upbeat song! this one is not forgetting any detail from when you met the person you love. again, aaron and mom. also it’s one of my favorite thomas rhett songs. it’s about inevitability, knowing that you’ve found your person, and not forgetting a single thing about them.

this will be (an everlasting love) - natalie cole

aaron always gives me classic song vibes, he likes the oldies and what he was raised on. this song is...it is happiness personified. it is happiness and joy in a song and you cannot convince me it wasn’t played at the wedding.

make a life, not a living - brett kissel

okay so first off: brett kissel is an amazing canadian country artist whom I love dearly. this is his newest song and it was released just in time for this. this ENCAPSULATES ajf for me - this aaron that allows himself to live and love again, to have this happiness and joy. it’s all about making a life, and making a good one. this is ajf for me.

between you and me - brett kissel

and this one is for all the 18+/nsfw moments. listen to the song and it's pretty self-explanatory.

at last - etta james

it took them like 6 years (? I think) to get together and another 2.5 to get married. someone played this at the wedding and you cannot convince me otherwise. again, it goes to inevitability and how everyone was waiting for this to happen. we knew it was gonna happen, it was just a matter of when. so when it does happen, everyone’s screaming “AT LAST!”

kiss me - ed sheeran

okay this album came out in 2011, mean it happened in 2011...it fits. and this song screams mean it to me. that’s really all I have to say

give me love - ed sheeran

same reasoning as kiss me. I just couldn’t decide which one fit more. but they both work.

growin’ up - bruce springsteen

this song is less mom & aaron and more ajf in general. it’s rebellion and doing what you want - hello bau - and it’s just a great song about learning and growing up and doing things your way. also it’s me, there had to be springsteen on here somewhere

mary’s place - bruce springsteen

run with me on this one: you’re driving in the car with your family, people you love, and this song comes on. you can’t help but smile and sing along and it is happiness personified. this one is all about the vibes, not the lyrics or meaning of the song. this to me is a bit of a party starter and something that could play at every bau party. familiar faces, laughter, gathering people together….this is all about having a good time with people you love.

we take care of our own - bruce springsteen

last springsteen song I promise. this one is similar to above, it’s all about a family and being there for one another. looking out for your own, looking out for each other.

some day one day - queen

this is a great soft, sweet song talking about hope for mom & aaron. much like this is early in queen’s discography, it fits into the early years of ajf.

you’re my best friend - queen

self explanatory. they are codependent, they rely on each other so much, they are best friends and lovers. it fits so well. and this song will always put a smile on my face.

another one bites the dust - queen

another unsub bites the dust because the bau is great at their jobs. and, this screams hotchner’s dancing around the kitchen or the living room. they seem like the kind of family to dance around and film each other for….no ulterior motive whatsoever (/sarcasm)

my wish - rascal flatts

so this fits for the wedding vows BUT ALSO - during enough when aaron is thinking about how he’ll fit into reader’s life. he just wants them to have a good life, to find happiness. that is his wish for them.

danger zone - kenny loggins

we all know the hotchner’s love top gun. they absolutely, unabashedly love this song and blast it for a dance party.

landslide - fleetwood mac

maybe it’s because we sang this at my camp as a last night campfire song, but I can see this being a song sung to the littles to get them to settle down. the lyrics might not make total sense but it’s a bit of a vibe.

this is it - scotty mccreery

it’s a great love song and I love it. it gives me ajf vibes for many reasons and many moments in the series

not alone - mcfly

OH ITS TIME FOR MY MCFLY SOAPBOX. mcfly is a band that yes, I mostly know because of the close geography of the internet and early 2010s british youtubers. they are a big band in the uk and they were in an early 2000s movie called just my luck with chris pine and lindsay lohan. I love the movie, I love mcfly. seriously, they are one of my favorite bands ever. not alone is a great song and one I think can be the background for many ajf scenes. and yes this is about to start a few mcfly songs on the playlist

I wanna hold you - mcfly

it’s just about being close and wanting to hold the person you love. how many times during ajf do we see mom & aaron with a hand on each other and reaching for one another?

it’s all about you - mcfly

I tend to find this is the most well known mcfly song. it was written for one of the band members’ wife and it’s so good. and yes, again, it encapsulates the love aaron and mom have.

being alive - company

I kinda had the realization that this song screams aaron to me. that for so long he fought against his feelings and was almost content with being alone, with not having anyone. he sort of holds himself at arms length, like bobby does throughout company. and then at some point, there’s a switch. and he realizes that being alone is not the same as being alive and he wants to have someone to hold and someone to be alive with. and that’s what this song is about.

louder than words - tick, tick, boom

there are so many times where aaron and mom just look at each other. they use their actions, their body language, and their eyes to communicate and forgo words. they don’t need words. and it’s not just with one another. it’s with jack and the littles and the whole team. actions truly do speak louder than words in this universe.

always will - bright star

it’s a mean it & mistletoe song. “we’re supposed to be/together it’s true/I’ve had my doubts/but not about you.” these lyrics SCREAM ajf and this is one of my favorite songs from bright star - WHICH IS AN UNDERRATED MUSICAL.

dirty little secret - all american rejects

okay so it’s never a dirty secret, but this fits in during the mean it arc. they’re so secretive and sneaking around. we needed one unhinged song here okay???

the power of love - huey lewis & the news

this is a song that fits the relationship, but is also something that could play in the hotchner house and get everyone singing and jamming. or could be played at dinner at uncle dave’s house to get everyone up and dancing on the flagstones.

sharp dressed man - zz top

it’s aaron hotchner. also, this is a song I can see aaron making his kids listen to (yes my dad made me listen to this a lot growing up)

I want to hold your hand - the beatles

yes we need a beatles song on here and yes this is one that always makes me think of ajf. there’s always some way people are touching - linking pinkies, holding hands, a finger through a belt loop, hands on the top of someone’s chair - touch and contact are important here so yes this is the requisite beatles song.

the heart never lies - mcfly

one more mcfly song. just listen to the lyrics and you’ll know why it’s one of my favorites. for as long as these two fought their feelings and denied them, the heart never lies. and their eyes can give it away.

#ajf 100 #fic stuff #ajf stuff #tali is masterful #music #lets not talk about how long putting together the playlist and writing the commentary took #and then the formatting #oh the formatting #BUT ITS DONE #it doesn't have fancy cover art #yet #that might change #but i hope you all like it!

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hereisisa · 3 years

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Hi! I've seen antis are finally admitting Elsa and Anna are separated, and they changed their tune "well, sisters should be apart!" How hypocritical.

I’ve been told, better late than never, took them 1 year.

And about the “they should be apart”...ok, let’s discuss this. Why?

Because it’s what happens in real life.

Wrong. If you want realism then unmarried sisters lived with their sisters in 1800, especially royalty. And if they want realism...they a princess wouldn’t marry a stable boy, a queen wouldn’t have magic, etc... Realism? Nope.

Because Elsa needs to be free.

She was free before (one random proof) , the only scene that hinted that she wanted to go outside and play with magic without hurting people was deleted (the one with Elsa and Anna on the balcony), and if we consider deleted scenes canon....then Northuldra asked Elsa to die for them, and Kristoff hates Arendelle and wants out. Do they want to consider them canon? Cause I’m in! ;) I have more to gain than lose from this!

Elsa felt overwhelmed as queen.

Quite possible. It’s normal. Everyone would.

Everyone, even Anna. Look at this:

Everyone focuses on what Elsa says, that she needs a break. She had people going at her talking about her dead parents all day...I would need a break too.

But what everyone always ignores, is ANNA’S REPLY:

“me too”.

She just looked at her sister deal with people, she didn’t even did the job, and she was overwhelmed.

So if Elsa needs a break once in a while...Anna does too. If this is a reason why Elsa shouldn’t be queen, then Anna shouldn’t either.

Codependency.

We debunked this so many times I’m getting tired of discussing it. People who have been apart for 13 years, and did eveything in their lives on their own, aren’t codependent. When KristenB mentioned it, she said she feels like that with her daughers and husband. Did she leave her daugthers and husband???? NO!!!!

She said she has the need to take care of people, and Anna does too, so her solution, when family isn’t close to her and she can take care of them, is to take “one step at the time”, and get through it.

She used codependency as Anna’s trait, dependence from “the feeling of taking care of somebody”, not of one person in particular!

It was to explain HOW she arrived to “the next right thing”, her mental process, from “omg i dont have some people here to care for”, ok “let’s do the next right thing and focus on small tasks to get through this”.

It’s a mental process, not a life-fix!!!!

Can’t pretend idiots to understand it, I get it, but after one year....Even my cat understood it!

So at least the “they’re not separated” farce is over.

The “they need to be apart” is simply aganist everything Frozen is. Sisters who have been apart for 13 years and just got together shouldn’t be separated, like every other true love couple.

They could work together, live together, and make kids happy.

#Frozen 2 #BringElsaHome #elsanna #Elsa #Anna #notmyfrozen

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “To learn.”

My brain wanted to write something in first person present tense today. I have no idea why, but I let it go wild. I hope you all like it :) A little bit different than my usual style :)

I just needed some time.

You ever tried putting yourself back together after war, it isn’t easy, or at least I don’t find it to be. I don’t know, call me a sissy, but I don’t actually like war., I don’t take pleasure from killing, but it is part of my job, a big part of it and if the universe continues the way it is, I am going to see war a lot more often.

I wish it didn’t affect me so much.

I wish I had a better way of handling it.

People think I’m a strong person, but they’re wrong. There are plenty of people who could take up my mantle and do a more badass job. They wouldn’t grow sick as the sight of carnage, and they wouldn’t hesitate to put the armor back on.

I’m not like that ….

I’m a coward.

If my friends knew…. Well I have no idea what they would think of me.

But that’s why I had to take some time. Since my first injury, I have never been totally alone. There was always someone there to check on me, there was always someone there to help me deal with my issues. I don’t think I ever figured out how to take care of myself, which is why I decided to take this trip, alone.

The others didn’t understand it…. well , one of them did but he still didn’t like it, but If I am being honest it will be good for them….. Especially her…. The last thing I want to do is make it so we can’t function alone.

I think its called…. Codependency or something.

I don’t know sounds like the sort of thing I’d get caught up in.

I suppose it's for all those reasons that I ended up here.

Looking out the window, I can see Anum suspended against the sky glassy in shades of blue purple and green like a lucky marble. It almost feels as if I can reach out and touch it.

The last time I saw this place, it was receding into the distance,.

I lost a lot here, my leg, and my mind for a short time.

Now it kind of makes me laugh to think that a piece of me was left behind to fertilize some of the plant matter. Of course, it looks a bit different now that the dark season has abated. I had only ever seen the place when it was covered in ash, but it's actually quite beautiful.

The pilot of the shuttle is pretty average, and I only feel like tightening my hands on the seatbelts just a little as we enter the atmosphere.

Fire rolls up around us as friction begins to heat up the outer hull.

Around me men and aliens alike rock in their seats.

Most of them are miners, come here to work on extracting the precious metals from below Anum’s surface.

Personally, I prefer asteroid mining, but statistics say that is more dangerous and expensive so of course corporations like it a lot less, and besides, all of this was sort of just a massive pissing contest with the GA forcing the Drev to pay for the damages caused during war. I don’t think they should, but who am I to give my opinion.

I’m just a soldier.

It doesn't take us long to leave the atmosphere, and it isn’t long before we are looking down at a massive open mining operation. The face of Anum has been scoured with a massive terraced hole overrun by machines and workers cutting into the stone. Volcanoes pipe smoke in the distance.

The scars of industry really are ugly sometimes.

I’ve seen pictures of anum during the bright season, without the machinery.

It's honestly very beautiful, but maybe I'm a bit biased. It’s the one part of home that Sunny misses, and I’ve always wanted to see it for myself. With all the times we’ve gone to earth, you think we'd have visited her home planet too, but I guess the cosmos have ust never taken us this way.

Red lights blink above the doors, and I unbuckle my harness pulling on my bag and gear with the rest of the miners, though I’m not here for the same reason they are. Boots clatter loudly on the ramp below our feet, and I head outside.

It smells clean and cool, though for a distant tang of sulfur.

You barely notice it though, less bad than visiting the hot springs at yellowstone, so your nose adjusts quickly.

The sky overhead is blue, just like on earth, though the ground beyond the launch pad is an amalgamation of rainbow color. I have to blink a few times to adjust my vision, pulling up the eyepatch to take a look from my mechanical eye and its UV filter.

“Holy shit.”

It's beautiful, the sheer amount of color is astonishing like the Lucky Charms leprechaun had some sort of horrific accident. T

he miners ignore me and continue on their way towards the docking pad.

I don’t plan on following.

I am not here for them. I drop the patch back over my eye, and adjust the bag over my shoulder striking it out into the bush, barely looking back. No one notices, or cares, and it isn’t long before the launch field and the mining operation disappears over the horizon. Anum’s circumference is just a little smaller than that of earth with the horizon eating up anything beyond that around three miles.

Gravity is somewhat lessened too, which makes it easier as I walk.

My boots are silent against the multicolored moss at my feet, this stuff teal in color. Little white flowers spring up from the surface like clover back home. A light gust of wind rolls past me causing the flowers to ripple. I lift my head closing my eyes and allowing the wind to carry with it distant smells.

This is the same wind that Sunny would have known growing up, the same feeling under her feet.

I decide to stop a couple miles out under the meager shade of a coiltree. I have never actually seen one before now, and I can see why it’s called a coiltree. Honestly it looks like something straight out of a Dr. Seus book striped up the trunk and with branches that curl into spirals. More little whit blossoms erupt from the trunk, and between those are little white berries.

I seem to recall those being edible.

Reaching up, I pluck one or two down from the branches and pop them into my mouth. Though the skin is white, the berries juice stains my hands purple. One of them is horrifically sour, but the other is pleasantly sweet, probably more ripe than the other, though I can’t yet tell the difference between them.

I sit there under the tree for a little while looking out across the lonely landscape. Something is moving on the distant horizon, though I can't exactly tell what they are, a herd of some sort of animal or another. They are very tall as far as I can tell, just a little shorter than the coiltree.

As a last moment decision, I kick off my boots, and strip my socks tying them to my bag before standing.

The moss is very soft under my feet erupting upwards between my toes like a shag carpet, but you know much less hideous.

My footsteps are even softer now, though the prosthetic clatters sometimes when metal hits stone.

Sweat runs down my back,sides, and front.

I have no idea where I am going, but I know they will see me soon enough.

They have patroll parties out here, and if they aren’t watching me already, then they will be soon enough.

I keep walking heading parallel to the volcanic chain.

For the most part, my hike is uneventful, except for that time that I stepped on something slimy and wriggly. I hate to admit it but I squealed like an idiot and nearly fell over, only made worse when I looked down and saw the giant pale maggot burrowing into the moss and underground.

I nearly gagged, and my skin crawled.

Sunny had mentioned those, though I forgot their names.

THey lived primarily off of decomposing plant and animal material, very common in areas where war had continued.

I didn’t like it, but it was probably one of those nasty suckers that ate my leg.

Ew…

Gross.

I contemplated putting my boots back on, but kept walking instead.

A group of unknown flying critters appear overhead. They have two sets of membranous wings, kind of like those of a bat, no tail though, just a long rail of fur like the streamer of a kite.

These ones are bright colors like pink and yellow.

Pretty cool.

Its nice to walk in the silence, though after a while my brain devolves into humming the star wars theme, and then singing stupid songs dancing around and hopping about from one foot to another as I badly sing the choruses to all the songs I know.

My eye of the tiger rendition probably left something to be desired, though I doubt anyone out here would know the difference.

Then comes the stupid dialogs with myself as I try to imagine what Krill Conn and Sunny would say about all this.

“Commander, I will have you know that you behavior is highly disquieting, I insist we get an MRI on your brain to make sure you have not developed a severe case of bilateral goop disease.”

“What kind of dumbass just goes wandering around with no idea where he’s going. The dumbass kind of dumbass.”

“Adam, I need you to understand that Anum is a dangerous place. I know you grew up on earth, but there are still things that can go wrong on Anum. Do you know how common surprise hot springs are. What if you fell in and died.”

Speaking of which, “Thanks imaginary Sunny, I totally forgot about that.”

Other than that, what can go wrong, it is a bright shiny day, the temperature is perfect, nothing someone like me can’t handle. Oh and is that a crunchy pink orb I see. I fucking love those, they taste so good.

I hop over the rocks, my feet warm on the moss, and reach down to pluck one of the spheres from it’s short stumpy stem.

And that's when the spear appears at my throat.

Shit.

I drop my hand back and look up to see a drev that is at least three feet taller than me, holding his massive spear orange eyes narrowed. Holy shit, I didn’t even hear her/him coming. Honestly I should have seen them coming long before anything else bright fuschia as they were.

“Lod tsa ee nin tsa daeen darish.” They jab the spear at my neck, and the obsidian lined head cuts through my sin like butter.

Oh shit, uh, my translator is not picking up shit. Guess these guys have a different accent than we’re used to. I rack my brains trying to remember how to speak what little I know, but it seems that it has all fled me when I needed it the most.

“Lod tsa ee nin tsa daeen darish!” I stumble backwards onto my butt and hands. Shit shit.

I hold up a hand.

“Cheeyat neahasan!” Shit I forgot to conjugate the verb. Damn I must look like an idiot yelling ‘to speak slow!’ at the top of my lungs

However, my botched attempt at speaking seems to work, and they pull back. “Tsa dzhal Cheeyish.”

Oh I understood that one, “Yid zhe cheeyi dzhal.” yes, yes I speak Drev, “neahasan.” Slolwy anyway.

They pull back. I don't know why, but I’m getting a female vibe off this one. I can't tell though, Drev voices all tend to be rather deep.

“Lod tsa ee nin tsa daeen darish” She says it slower this time, and all around her I watch as a small group of other Drev move to flank me from the sides. They are listening very intently.

I think I understand this time, the rough translation being who are you and what are you doing.

I want to speak with your leader, “Zhe zhegingi s tsak eeda cheeyat.” My voice is halting and I am butchering the pronunciation, but they seem to get my request.

She trusts the spear at me, “Tsaee!”

I hold up my hands, “Woah woah, easy easy…. I uh.” Shit what was the word to learn, “zhe….zhengingi hak tsa…. “ Damn it… I can’t remember, “um….. Rekazat nin dzhal….. Rekazazh.”

Oh wow, that sounds really intelligent. I wanted to learn from them but instead apparently I ‘want to know what they know.’ riveting conversationalist that I am.

She stares at me confused.

In frustration I point at her spear, “Zhe zhengingi…..zheengat?”

Uh this was going poorly. I clearly did not know as much of their language as I thought I did.

I want to know to fight.

Wow excellent work their commander that will convince them.

They look back and forth at each other, and fire off some quick shot dialogue that leaves my head spinning.

She turns to me and lowers her spear, “s jya Hajish.”

Come with us.

Great a sentence I understood.

It was in the next few hours that I was either going to live, or I was going to die horribly.

A pretty exciting time in my life.

And I followed.

Not like I had a choice at this point.

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captaindaddykru · 3 years

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☆for emily☆

today it’s @keiraknighted‘s birthday. i wanted to finish this before today, but everything is flaming garbage, so a preview will have to do. no, i will no be giving out more details. happy birthday to my musical soulmate, the kinkiest queen of them all, em. my ol’ cobber. my favorite drongo. quite the spunk you are. you’re a classic. and you live in the worst possible timezone imaginable. here’s some best friends, pining, sexy, below <10k hopefully. also, sorry for the ugly temporary moodboard???? i was getting desperate at this point and am no grapic designer. i just needed something to distract from what you’re about to read. cheers!

So, by the time their holiday break rolls around, Clarke isn’t only sexually frustrated, she’s also kind of desperate. Which only intensifies when a few days before they’re all flying back to their hometown, Wells casually lets it drop he’s now in a relationship with a girl from his old chess club and things are ‘heating up fast’, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. She’s just more aware than ever she’s running out of time.

Clarke doesn’t even know why it’s such a big deal to her. Maybe it’s her competitive streak coming into play, or the fact she really just wants to get the whole awkward virginity thing over with, maybe it’s the dark inexplicable pang in the middle of her chest whenever she sees the constant rotation of girls on Bellamy’s Instagram and Snapchat. She figures it’s a healthy amount of jealousy, courtesy of their very codependent ways, sharing everything with each other since childhood. They’re all apart for the first time in a decade, going their own ways, perhaps even growing apart.

She doesn’t think about why Wells’ honest to God girlfriend doesn’t bother her as much when in reality that should make her feel even worse. A girlfriend could screw with their dynamic, a bunch of one night stands rationally speaking won’t. It could be that she knows Wells too well to know there’s still a very big chance he won’t go through with it, that he’ll let the girl down easy before Christmas even rolls around.

But. Then she finds herself thinking of his jacket covering her shivering body, drenched from the rain, her left arm throbbing with pain, his hand wrapped around hers as he told her it was all going to be okay. She thinks of that time he left Gina’s birthday party early to come pick her up at a friend’s house after almost having a panic attack, the nights he spent sleeping in her bed after her father died, how he never once complained about getting her coffee from the drive through that was more than his hard limit of three dollars, and that one throw-away moment at the end of summer. That goodbye hug that lasted just a little too long, his arms tight around her waist, the intense look mirrored in both of their eyes as they pulled apart, the way she was afraid to say anything in case her voice gave out, before she got into her mom’s car and watched him and Wells disappear in the rearview mirror.

It’s hard to explain, even to herself. It’s why she never thinks about it for too long.

Which all brings her to tonight. A new year’s party at the house of someone who went to the same high school as them, that has all the charms of a bad hang-over in the making — terrible beer, music that’s mostly EDM and completely shit-faced people plastered across every surface.

She hasn’t seen Wells since his father’s Christmas party. Clarke finally met Luna there in person. She’s beautiful, easily talked to her about the non-profit she’s interning at for half an hour and had nothing but love in her eyes whenever she looked at Wells. He’s with her at her parents’ ski cabin right now, and from the way Bellamy was clapping his shoulder before he left early in the morning, Clarke figures he’s probably losing his v-card to her there which means that she’ll be the only one out of the three of them not to complete the pact. There’s no way she’s finding someone before midnight that she’d both feel comfortable with taking hers, and is even willing to do so in the first place.

To make matters worse, Bellamy has totally ditched her to play beer pong with Bree, which she isn’t even sure isn’t code for hooking up in the coat closet. He knows she hates parties, especially when she doesn’t know anyone else there, and that she’s horrific at first impressions. She’s forced to make small-talk with Murphy, the loser who still hangs around their high school parking lot and she used to share one Culinary Arts class with before he got suspended.

All of it combined has put her in a sour mood. And a drinking mood, but since all there is fucking shitty beer that might as well be toilet water she can’t even get drunk, so that just makes her even more unreasonably upset at nothing in particular. Maybe at the fact she’s so high strung and obsessed with controlling every little detail, that she didn’t just get it over with back on campus with some frat boy she never had to see again after, or that Wells and Bellamy managed to make it happen without even trying. It’s probably because she’s trying way too hard, people can probably tell.

It’s not fair that both of them beat her to it. Clarke wants to just be done with already, too. She wants to get it over with so she can get to the good, non first time stuff like them. She wants to be flirting with boys and girls at parties, or ask for someone’s number at a coffee shop without having to worry about having to explain it’s her first time doing any of it when they eventually invite her over to their room. She wants to be free and nonchalant and spontaneous, not constantly weighed down by the fact that she’s a virgin. It’s not like she’s asking for much.

Half an hour to midnight, she pushes her way outside to the porch for some fresh air. It’s there where Bellamy finally bothers to leave Bree and her attention-seeking ways behind and come find her.

“What’s up with you?” He asks, half a chuckle in his voice as he leans his forearms on the railing, mirroring her.

Clarke grits her teeth together, then slowly exhales through her nose. She keeps her eyes on the tree swing in the distance, swaying softly because of the wind. “Nothing.”

He elbows her playfully, although his tone is serious. Of course he sees right through her. “Come on. Don’t give me that.”

She just grumbles something indecipherable, pushing back her hair from her face with one hand. She still doesn’t look at him, scared she might give anything more away. From inside, there’s the muffled beat of a hiphop song playing joined by the distanced tumult of college kids getting drunk and having fun. Except for the couple making out on the other end of the porch and one stoner sprawled over the grass smoking and staring at the sky, they’re alone.

“I’m sorry about leaving you for Bree—” Bellamy starts, straightening back to his full height, and before she knows it, a flare of anger rises within her, burning white hot. She doesn’t recognize the feeling, but gets too lost in it to analyze it for very long.

Her head snaps to the side to glare at him, fingers tightening around the railing until her knuckles turn a pale white. “It’s not about Bree and her pathetic fuck-me eyes.”

“Okay,” he replies, sounding a bit too amused for her liking. He leans back, crossing his arms over his chest. It makes his biceps bulge in a way that’s completely unfair when she’s been perpetually turned on since Halloween, and it sends a surge of want pulsing from her core. “Then what’s it about, princess?”

Has his voice always been so deep? She hesitates, not sure she even wants to share this with him. He might be her best friend, but it’s embarrassing on a level she can’t even try and start to describe. “I’m annoyed, okay?” She bites, heated, which immediately makes her feel guilty. It’s not his fault nobody wants her. “I expected that I’d at least beat Wells to it. And since it’s all I can think about all the time now, I’m constantly horny.” A blush forms on her cheeks, down her neck and all over her collarbone, but she refuses to let that or the way his eyes widen slightly stop her. It’s only awkward if she lets it be. “I just feel so stupid. I mean, I had five months to get it over with like both of you, and here we are. What the hell is wrong with me?”

A tense silence wraps around them for a moment, Clarke’s heart pounding loudly in her chest as panic claws up her throat. She’s such a fucking idiot. She shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. She’s sure neither of them would’ve actually held it against her if she didn’t lose her virginity before new year’s, they’re better than that. She knows they are. Clarke is just so — frustrated.

His tongue darts out to wet his lips, and she finds herself entranced with the movement. “I didn’t know you were so upset about it,” he starts, tentatively. Her blue eyes snap up to meet his, a smirk breaking across his face. He’s teasing her, the asshole, when he says, “I mean, if you’re that desperate, I’ll do it.”

Her eyes narrow, finally pushing off the railing. A gust of wind greets her body, bristling her hair and making tiny goosebumps appear over her arms. She’s seconds away from angry tears, she can tell. “Don’t make it sound like it’s such a fucking chore.”

Bellamy just kind of stares at her dumbly, his whole body grown tense, making her even more furious. Did he lose his tongue all of a sudden? He’s never had a problem sharing his opinions on her, no matter how negative, before. “What?” She snaps, roughly brushing a strand of hair behind her ear before tucking her hands back underneath her opposite armpits.

“It wouldn’t be a chore, Clarke,” he corrects her, his eyes still slightly widened as if alarmed by the sound of himself speaking. He swallows visibly, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down in the low glow of the Christmas lights draped across the ceiling of the porch. Bellamy lifts one of his shoulders, casual, even if the movement is stiffer than it usually would be. “I just — I didn’t realize I was an option.”

Her heart trips over itself as silence stretches between them for a moment. She wants to ask him a million questions, but the best thing she can come up with is, “So you were serious?” Clarke raises her eyebrows, trying to figure out if he was just being nice, taking pity on her or if it was something much more dangerous than that. “You’ll do it?”

His jaw clenches briefly, his nostrils flaring. Another second, and he asks, rough, “Do you want me to do it?”

She considers it. This is Bellamy, her best friend. He can always make her laugh, and there’s no one else she feels as much at ease with, and he’s definitely attractive, even she has noticed as much. She likes his stubborn curls, his smile when someone catches him off guard, the sharp line of his jaw. And at the very least he would know what he’s doing. She trusts him. “Yes.”

Now that she’s aware it’s a possibility, she refuses to want anything else. It’d be kind of perfect, actually.

He clears his throat, blinking hard as he tears his eyes off her for a second, scrubbing his face with one of his hands. It’s very big, and Clarke finds herself wondering for the first time if it means the rest of him is big as well. Bellamy sniffs when his dark eyes land back on her. “Have you been drinking?”

“Just half a beer,” she answers, maybe a bit too eager, her hands dropping at her sides after smoothing down the bottom of her glittery top. She doesn’t want to give him enough time to talk himself out of it. “And I think someone diluted it with water so it barely counts.”

He nods, once, then nudges his head to the side. “Want to get out of here?”

Taking one more look around the porch, Clarke worries her bottom lip pensively, shooting him an apologetic look. “My parents are having friends over, so my house is definitely not an option.”

Besides, she doesn’t want to risk them finding out and making it weird. Especially not if the consequence is going to be an open door policy whenever he or Wells are over. Nothing has to change after tonight.

“Thelonious is out,” he offers, then flinches when he seems to remember something else. “But Octavia might show up with her friends.”

Clarke nods, giving him another long searching look before she makes up her mind. It’ll be fine. This is Bellamy. She’s a pro at compartmentalizing and he’s sleeping with a different girl like every other night. It can just be sex. “Upstairs then?”

#keirakneighted #arysafics #emily's birthday #bellarke fic #preview #bellamy x clarke #bellarke #drabble #idk wtf im even tagging #to be continued hopefully this week

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supposed2bfunny · 4 years

Text

2doc Week Day 4-Song Machine

It’s cloudy.

No, cloudy denotes clouds. Smoggy, then. All car exhaust and factory fumes. The water is still, but there’s enough movement that the waves slap against the side of the boat every so often, resulting in a familiar, pleasant, wet sound.

Murdoc lies on his back, hands folded atop his chest, ankles crossed, staring at the bright spot where the sun is attempting to bore its way through the grayish sky.

He and 2D have been sitting in the boat in silence, though the singer has been moving enough for the two of them, playing with his sailor’s cap, untying his neckerchief and stuffing it into his pocket, scratching his ankle, lighting a cigarette and ultimately flicking it into the water.

“So this is it, huh?” Murdoc asks at length when he gets sick of watching 2D struggling in his periphery.

“What?”

“This is what I missed out on?”

“Well I mean, it’s a little more fun when you’re driving around fast-like, but the sound of the motor gives me a headache. And it was fun with Damon too; he’s fun.”

“Yeah. Love that bloke,” he deadpans.

“Murdoc. Do you feel better now?”

“I feel like a million bucks, mate, never better, I haven’t felt this spry since that doctor prescribed me all that Vicodin when I slipped a disk lifting Noodle’s amp—”

“Muds.”

2D shifts, looks down at him, and when their eyes meet, Murdoc is forced to confront the fact that yes, they’re here for him. To humor him the way a parent humors a child after a particularly vicious meltdown. “Well, look at it like this: what did you think taking me out here on the boat after the fact was going to accomplish, sunshine?”

“I brought you here to make it up to you, you nob. Because you made such stink about not being invited last time even though you could have come along if you’d only asked, had my damn phone on me.”

“Stu, you can’t recreate an event that’s already passed by bringing me here like it’s a bloody date.”

He stretches his foot out, knocks it against Murdoc’s shoulder. “You sure? A date on a boat sounds kind of romantic.”

Murdoc sighs and hoists himself up into a sitting position: the garish lighting is hurting his eyes: he wishes he’d thought to pack sunglasses. He can only imagine what kind of migraine the bright glare is going to trigger for 2D. But now isn’t the time to play mother hen. “Does it? Cuz you don’t look nearly as relaxed or happy as you did in that Désolé video, mate.”

He draws his foot back, knees folding in towards his chest. “Muds, look. I’m allowed to have fun without you. There’s no rule stating that I can’t. We’ve talked about the importance of autonomy.”

“And I’ve also expressed my disdain for that bloody word. I’m too old to bother being my own person: I just want a little of whatever you’re doing.”

“So that’s how you really feel, huh?” he snaps, jumping to his feet. “Muds, how many times do we have to have this argument? That’s not healthy!”

“Neither is smoking, Faceache! Neither is drinking half my weight in forty proof before noon! Neither is dating me, so if you don’t want to deal with it, then tell me to fuck off, same way you did when you all fucked off through that portal without me!”

2D reaches up to rub his temples, almost knocking his captain’s hat off his head. It’s never as simple as Murdoc sitting down and confessing that he’s been hurt: it’s always violent waves, outbursts cresting until they crash against the shore. He brought Murdoc out here to see what all the fuss was about cruising around on Lake Como, but now he understands: Murdoc is more like the water than he is like a captain. He is aqueous, ever moving, flowing from areas of high pressure, knocking 2D to and fro as he attempts to feel settled, grounded. The solution to understanding him is seldom obvious at first glance, because his very nature is to change his tune like an ebbing and flowing tide.

This entire outburst was never a matter of feeling left-out, it’s been paranoia from the start, Murdoc’s absurd fear that his own band is set to leave him behind one day, that same paranoia he’s been nursing since The Now Now took off while he was in prison.

“I’m sorry,” 2D says. It used to be hard to say those words. He’s learning to push them out more often, especially because that small concession is, more often than not, enough to start soothing Murdoc. “I guess we both thought we were going to get something different by coming here. Muds, what I did was fly all the way back to Italy to sit on a stupid boat with you for the day. It was probably stupid of me to assume that you were going to have a good time here—”

“‘Stupid’ is a damn gargantuan understatement if you ask me,” he grumbles.

“Don’t interrupt! Look, I didn’t come here for a fun, magical time with you, you cranky old man. I came here to prove a point.”

Murdoc looks at him warily. “And what, my blue-hued compatriot, is it?”

A suave, quick-witted man would be able to weave together an elaborate story on the spot. Hell, if he were even adequately sharp with words, he’d be able to lay on the charm, distract Murdoc from the tension and the muggy heat and the miserable sun glaring down through all that pollution. The longer he stares at Murdoc’s tired features, though, the more it dawns on him that he doesn’t need to do that. He has something much more valuable: the truth.

“I did all this shit to prove to you that you’re worth it.”

Murdoc snorts. “Wow, so even you admit it was a crap trip then. Sorry to waste a full day of your time with my selfish needs, Stu.” He makes sure that his bitterness comes across acrid enough to drown out any traitorous hurt that leaks into his voice. He’s getting weaker around Stu; words slip out unbidden almost every day, truths he doesn’t need anyone knowing, feelings and fears that he’s spent his life concealing easily behind his bigger-than-bigger-than-Jesus personality. Honesty with his feelings around Stu has rapidly evolved into an unconscious mechanism, one he now has to strategize to neutralize at every turn. “Really don’t know why you spent money on a flight, all that time packing, renting the same damn boat, even, if you didn’t want to fucking do it. You’re a real headcase, y’know that?”

“You done with the pity party?” 2D asks. “Because you’re misunderstanding. I did all this, and I would have done anything else, to prove to you that at the drop of a hat, I’ll re-create any part of my life to put you in it beside me.”

There’s a familiar clenching feeling in his chest, a tightness. Dread. Sometimes he feels it when 2D starts to make him hopeful too, because hope is a dangerous bit of deception that leads to disappointment. Cousins, the two sentiments are. Or even twins. He hates hope as much as he hates dread: he’s not about to fall for that shit, no way—“Dents. What were you just saying about our codependency being unhealthy? Those don’t sound like the words of someone autonomous: best check yourself or your therapist is going to give you a right spanking.”

The singer smiles, knowing that he has Murdoc now. His attention, his optimism. It’s all there, in his grasp if he can make like the boat, rock with the waves but remain steady, solid. “You’re wrong,” he says. “I won’t apologize for having come out to have some fun in February. We’ve told you why we didn’t trust you with the portal, but I still would’ve brought you along if I’d known how upset you were going to get. I had every right to have a good time with friends, but I am sorry that it sent you into one of your spirals, thinking I was rejecting you. Never, Murdoc. I would never. So here’s my compromise: for the moments you feel scared, instead of me trying to go back and re-create the past with you, let’s just make our own memories. Sound good?”

The bassist stares at him, dumbfounded. “Are you angry?” he finally asks. “That I’m being so selfish? Where’s your spine, Dents, your bloody vitriol?”

“You’ve always been a selfish prick: bit used to it by now.”

“But…but this flies in the face of all that shit about being more individualistic and—”

“Muds, I’m still going to spend time away from you,” he clarifies. “Have fun with Noods and Russ, might even give Ace a ring one of these days—”

“Oh sweet Satan, don’t call that idiot—”

“My point is, I’ll still do all those things. And then when I get back from my time away from you, whether you’ve done something productive with your life while I was gone, or just sat by the window waiting for me to get home, then we can do something nice too, maybe not a boat ride in Italy, maybe just like, having a few pints down at the Cock and Trowel, or going shopping, or trying that new cafe that opened up in SoHo to see how their pancakes rank on our Definitive List of Pancake Places—”

He’s interrupted by Murdoc lunging forward, arms going around his middle and head slamming into his chest. He grunts, hugs him back as the boat rocks with their sudden movement.

“How?” he mutters. “How are you always so nice to me? Every time I go and muck things up and say horrible things and tell you to break it off with me—”

“You’re a little dramatic,” 2D admits, nuzzling his chin against the thick hair pressed just below his head. “Pretty sure you told me I should call it off when you broke my favorite mug last week. It’s uh, not great. But I think when you say shit like that, it shows me that you really care about our relationship, that you value me, and you’re scared that I’m valuing you too much, because you don’t feel like you deserve it. I’m learning to understand when you’re just asking for help, idiot.”

“You really do spend way too much time with your therapist, Stu.”

“I’m not wrong, am I?” he teases, holding the older man closer, triumphant. “Stop throwing shit fits. Stop assuming everything I do is an attempt to push you away, and start looking at my behavior for what it is: a bloke who’s gone utterly mental and will fly you out to Italy at a moment’s notice to try and cheer you up after I saw you cry a little bit.”

Murdoc steels himself in 2D’s arms, braces himself to put forth the question he needs to ask. “And what do you get in return then, Romeo?”

“That bit’s obvious, Murdoc. I get to see you happy. That’s what makes me happy. I love you, remember?”

“I…” the words die on Murdoc’s tongue. What is there to say to that? He wants to talk 2D out of this…he knows he should. He’s being let off the hook because this idiot is convinced that they can keep going forward, that he somehow deserves 2D’s patience and love, even when he’s getting caught up in his own Twitter lies. Yet the singer’s words are guiding him out to sea, pulling him away with the strength of a rip current, and all he can do is succumb. It’s what he wants to hear. Maybe a part of 2D even believes these words himself, however ludicrous they are. “I…you already know how I feel about you.”

“Say it, twat. Or else I’ll keep you here on this lake all day just to torture you!” “Alright, alright, no need to get so Medieval on me! I love you, okay, Stu? I act out and cause a scene, and then I don’t even thank you for the impromptu Désolé 2.0 because I’m a shit, but I love you all the same. Maybe even a little more because you just keep…tolerating me. Happy?”

“Yeah,” he presses a kiss to the top of his head, and his tone tells Murdoc that he’s smiling. “So let’s go back to England, okay? This lake is pretty boring honestly.”

“It is dreadful, yeah.”

“Oh, while we’re here, maybe we should stop for pizza! Or some spaghetti or something?”

“Dents, we’re practically in Switzerland,” he laughs. “Why not hop the border and—wait, that’s it! I know the perfect spa we can go to together! Ever soak in a hot spring? It’ll change your life.”

“That sounds perfect!” he says. “Let’s dock this baby and get going—” he releases Murdoc and, ever-ungraceful, he stumbles as he makes his way towards the front of the boat. He yelps as his leg catches on the edge of the boat and his vision swirls first with the sights of the houses along the shore giving way to sky, and then the sky blurring as he hits water and starts sinking.

For just a moment, he processes everything as though it’s happening in slow motion, taking in the fact that his nice sailor’s outfit is surely ruined, that the water is colder than he expected it to be, wondering if any sea monsters lurk beneath the lake’s surface as he looks straight down into the black depths below him.

Then comes the irony. Yes, this is what time with Murdoc is like: filled with twists and unpredictable tumbles. Murdoc’s self-doubt and fears are still somewhat new to him: he’s spent most of his life assuming the man was fearless, only to learn that the bravado was a mask, that he’d been one of the few idiots to fall for it so completely. It’s something they must continue to work on, the selfishness, the manipulative words and the self-destructive explosions that follow them in Murdoc’s unhealthy attempts to self-punish.

How peaceful it is underwater, though. How familiar, this sensation, and how safe he feels.

His eyes have closed at some point to better absorb the feeling of being submerged, but he perceives motion right in front of him, bubbles.

Arms come around his waist, and he knows Murdoc has leapt in after him, that he means to swim to the surface, pull them both up onto the boat. He isn’t ready to come up just yet. Instead, he leans forward, presses his lips to Murdoc’s.

In the middle of the water, in the middle of a foreign country, they come together, holding one another tight, safe and soundless in the protective peace beneath the ever-lapping waves.

He always feels so complete like this, so blessedly whole when the warmth of Murdoc’s body is pressed flush against him. Time always seems to vanish in these moments as they share the last fo their breath, hair dancing around their heads like halos, bodies undulating with the motion of the water. For the first time that day, he feels calm.

#2doc #2doc week #2doc week day 4 #2doc week 2020 #niccalpot #2doc fanfiction #ooh this one is rushed but it was fun to write!

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