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mariesocuniverse · 3 years

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Relationships: WayV

MaeKun

if it werent for the the laws of ncity he wouldve asked her to join wayv and stay in their dorms

Since they don’t live together or are part of the same unit they don’t really spend a lot of time together but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t want to be with Mae

Large parent/protective older brother energy

not as protective as 127 hyungs but you know

Yeah she’s a menace when she teams up with other WayV members but she doesn’t clown him as much as they do it’s cause she saves that energy for doyoung lmao

mae claims she visits the wayv dorm for him but he’s 50% sure she’s just there for the animals

the other 50% is because she wants him to cook for her which he does even if she doesnt ask

hes like those parents who insist on giving you leftovers to bring home to your family

he taught her to do magic tricks bc she was insistent on wanting to learn at least one

okay but honestly she thinks he really cool despite all the clowning she does to him

like singing? dancing? cooking? visual? magic? and he can fly a plane????

one of the reasons she has high standards ngl

MaeTen

ten has unofficially adopted her whether people like it or not

he has fought with taeyong and doyoung about it she is his baby

if mark and johnny are his brothers, mae is basically his younger sister

if you look at his photo gallery he has a folder dedicated to mae and mae only

any photo or video of them together is basically ten clinging to her like a koala

he looks at her like she put all the stars in the sky but the same goes for mae

she has admitted in an interview that ten is one of her role models because of his talent and work ethic

whenever she needs help with dancing he’s one of the first people she asks

xiaojun once asked him who’s his favorite between yangyang and mae and you could see him malfunction for like six seconds before jokingly scolding him

“yah how could you ask me that type of question?”

fun fact! ten was the person she asked to go with her when she got her first tattoo!

he arranged the appointment at the place where he got his and held her hand when she was getting it

Lowkey considered getting matching tattoos but never really took the time to think of what tattoos they’d get

MaeWin

another top ship among czennies

these two are so soft for each other omg

just one glance at the two and you’re already melting

You can see Yuta screaming about MaeWin whenever the group is together and they’re interacting

And if you can’t see it you’ll probably hear it

MaeWin: casually talking

Yuta: is this what heaven looks like

MaeWinMark is just yuta’s weakness and he doesn’t even bother to hide it

Okay back to MaeWin before I get ahead of myself and make an entire post about Yuta and MaeWinMark

If they’re gathered in a large group their interactions aren’t really noticeable unless you’re actively looking for it

While the others are talking you can just see Mae playing with his hands or winwin giving her a soft smile while patting her head

They talk more when they’re either in a small group or just the two of them

MaeWin shippers were devastated when they got separated so when nct 2020 happened they went feral

Every once in a while they go out for hotpot and talk about what has been going on

LuMae

this man right here

they first met when she was visiting NCT U dance practice for BOSS with food and she heard him from the hallway

its one of the reasons why she wasn’t intimidated by him even though hes a giant

she was excited to see what kind of energy and personality he would bring to nct

and she was not disappointed at all

personal hype man

whenever they’re on a variety show together and mae is asked to do something he just yells “FIGHT HAEYADWAE”

of course the same goes for mae but less loud bc last time she kept yelling she lost her voice and couldnt talk for the rest of the show

He just has this energy where if he’s hyped up about something she feels energized to be hyped up well so you just hear the both of them cheering loudly

its always interesting to see because you just see a gentle giant cheering loudly with this smol girl next to him trying to match his energy

he always makes sure she’s comfortable when they’re at a schedule

like we know how he’s really silly on camera but he’s also very observant and caring

one time mae complained about how her feet hurt from the heels she was wearing so he just picked her up bridal style and walked to the van without a word

XiaoMae

They’ve heard abt each other from Kun and ten and greeted each other when they passed by each other in the halls but they never really had a chance to grow close until nct 2020 happened

Mae wasn’t in the Make a Wish unit so there weren’t a lot of chances to get to know each other while promoting either but it doesn’t mean they’re not friends

ten also hogs her attention when she visits the wayv dorms but we dont talk about that

these two arent as close as the others but not to the point where they actively avoid each other

whenever they’re together they just vibe

theres no awkward silence or small talk they just talk about random stuff

“no lucas, i dont hate xiaojun hyung we just dont hang out as often as we do”

“yes hendery we do have each other’s numbers we just don’t talk often”

WayV is lowkey tempted to lock the two of them in a practice room together and do a vlive to see what’ll happen

prime candidates for “It’s Awkward but It’s Okay”

their dynamic is kinda DoRen where they pretend to be awkward around each other as a joke

like they went out together once and everyone as excited bc omg they were interacting

XiaoMae shippers are starved for content and will accept any crumbs that come their way

HenMae

the duo people didnt know they needed until they met

its not like people didnt want them to become friends its just that theyre energies match well

these two are such a vibe

you know how there are ppl who don’t see for long periods of times but you still want tackle them in a hug whenever you meet? yeah its like that

kun sometimes wants to separate the two bc of how much chaos they cause together

they’re the duo where they think something is a good idea at the time but ends up as something bad at the end

kun has banned the two from the kitchen bc of a fire they started

HenMae shippers are thriving because of all the stories of the dumb shit they’ve done

lowkey considered doing a series together on nct daily but then the channel stopped uploading vids so it was never mentioned again

one time he was on call with his sister when she walked in and accidentally mistook her as his gf and now they jokingly have each other as bf and gf in their phone contacts

ten nearly had a heart attack when he saw the contact name pop up and mae picked up the call

yangyang has the whole thing recorded on his phone and refuses to delete it

MaeYang

(A/N everytime i see this gif i need a moment to pause and try and remember my ideas cause my head goes empty when it comes to yangyang)

okay if HenMae are chaotic, MaeYang are worse

kun doesnt need to dye his hair gray bc of all the stress these two cause him

czennies thought they didnt interact much bc of different schedules and groups but once nct world happened they changed their minds

MaeYang slowly climbing up the ranks of nct ships

during one of his lives yangyang mentioned how he spoke a lot with mae and that she wanted to add him to the 00liner gc

czennies lost it that day bc 1) holy shit theres a 00liners gc and 2) why tf hasnt yangyang been added into it yet

insists that she calls him oppa/hyung even though theres only a one month difference between them

Mae and Yangyang: whispering in the corner of the room

kun: theyre either talking shit about someone or world domination and i cant tell whats worse

he tried teaching her some german once and she now knows like three sentences

“Hallo, Ich bin Mae. Was geht ab? Mir geht’s gut.” (A/N this is the outcome of my three years of german lessons everyone)

and basically all the swear words but we dont need to talk about that

haechan jokes that he’s stealing mae away from the dreamies so he wont be the maknae in wayv

#nct 24th member #24th member of nct #nct female addition #nct female oc #nct au #kpop female addition #nct addition #nct dream female member #nct dream female addition #nct 127 female addition #nct 127 female member

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silver-fire-wolf-pokemon-lover · 3 years

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Doing more thinking on the tmnt 2003 2012 and Rise and the relationships between the brothers and why they might act like that...which means thinking on the splinters also how they might interact??? I ramble a lot in that part on how things might go? This is just my interpitation so...

Ngl I think 2003 kinda has the most balance betwee the boys being ninjas and teenagers? Because of how splinter raised them in 2003 he did train them seriously as ninja but he still at least tried to also treat them as children too...

2012 it was honestly a bit hard to see them being well teenagers at times...yeah they were steait up serious mean ninjas 24/7 but honestly some of their actions? Dont seem like they were taught certain things werent ok like hitting each other for the pettiest of things

Now I wont lie 2003 Mikey got hit a few times for some dumb things but not nearly as much as 2012 Mikey didnt get yelled at nearly as much either...from what Ive seen at least.

Its like 2012 splinter focused on them being ninjas over teenagers and that thought makes me wince sorta? It also makes me go hnn boys you need therapy because honestly it got progressivly worse as thing went on and as far as I could tell? There's probably thing Im missing...also I do have to give the guy points for trying to protect his kids...

Now Rise we KNOW rise splinter didnt train them as ninjas they were his kids first and for most and he didnt want to put the Hamato clan duties onto them. It was only when it was unavoidable that he seriously started training them...also the guy is hinted to be going through ptsd...also the oy version of solinter shown not to play favorites and just yeah love that.

Now for if their living families meet

Well for this Im going to refer to the 2003 boys by full name 2012 by the usual nicknames and Rise boys by alternate nick names and for the splinters Ill be calling Rise splinter Lou

Leo and his brothers despite being (presumably by this point) 18 year olds would be so floored by how loving some of their counterparts are and confused because their relationship has kinda devolved a bit?

Michael would be the first to aproach them change my mind I dare you boy takes chances and he could beat them probably *the boy through a freighter at his version of the shredder* after all but it would likely not come down to a fight...

A lecture a very large lecture on why certain actions are wrong and why trying to justify them are bad

Raphie would probably be worried on why his counterparts were pretty physical with their anger, something 2003 Raphael isnt proud of..., and try and help them figure out other ways to cope before Michael steps in to help his big brother because he noticed the other two Raphs also like art just like him

Leon would be horrified on how being the leader has jaded both his counter parts and just be like talking to Raphie because its clear these two never took a self care day. Hed have to convince the two to let Raphie lead everyone since the snapper was the leader (and Leon would probably tell them still is much to his brothers feels about it) while he took them on a self care day in the hidden city.

Raphie would probablynjust proclaim the day to be a self care day over all and everyone else just chills at the lair and does self care there...he knows Leon took those two out because haha yeahhh they arent equipped to handle what those two need for self care...

Splinter and Lou would probably exchange storyas about their boys growing up. Also probably exchange parenting tips because lord knows each other needs them. Karai would be talking to them since her counter parts are either a) not a familynfigure to the turtles blood or not or b)related to them but dead and they kinda just help her though her own trama and troubles

The Aprils and Caseys would probably be talking about their own experances with their own turtles...and thats stuff

I also wanna know how they'd react to the dark turtles but Im salty because fast forword got cancled so they were never developed beyond what we saw and the creators did have plans for a redemtion arc for them but nooo...*coughs* sorry that was outa left feild

#rottmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2003 #some mention of the #dark turtles #random thoughts on the various boys mentioned.

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classic80sand90smovieloves2 · 4 years

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Meeting and Dating Angel Guzman

(My crap gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- You meet Angel in Mr. Escalantes class. But you knew of him before then, let’s just say he had a reputation around the school. Before your class together you thought Angel was just another gangbanger. He got into fights, he acted tough, hung around the boys who started trouble; what else were you supposed to think.

- You weren’t particularly excited when he walked into your math class; very late might you add, with his buddy. You also werent excited when he arrived the next day and was sat a seat behind you in the row next to yours.

- Things get better when his friends stop showing up to class. You see a different side of him and one that you like much better.

- Angel’s had a crush on you for a while but never had an excuse to talk to you or the time to approach you without his friends catching him. He’s pleasantly surprised when he sees you in class on your first day.

- A big part of his uncomfortableness with Escalante teasing him is because of you. He doesn’t want to be made a fool of in front of you; or anyone in the class for that matter.

- One day you laugh at one of his smartass comments, the next day he asks you for a piece of paper, and before you know it the two of you occasionally speak to each other.

- He would definitely loiter around the hallways, standing behind a corner he knows you pass and waiting there until he sees you. He’d quickly put out his cigarette before catching up to you and starting a short conversation.

- After you’re on somewhat friendly terms he’d make sure to get to Escalante’s class early so that he could be there before you. When you arrive he’d open the door for you and try to speak with you a little before class.

- Mr. Escalante takes note of his behavior and gives him looks whenever he sees him trying to get closer to you. Before Angel actually asks you out I can see him approaching Escalante with “hypothetical” questions about girls/dating.

- Angel catches you after school one day in his usual fashion except this time he asks if you’re doing anything and if you’d like to come over to his house since his mother and grandmother are making *insert food here*.

- His family is really important to him, the town you live in isn’t exactly filled with things to do, and he doesn’t want to stumble across his friends out in public (neither do you). So honestly it’s the perfect place for him to bring you.

- He also doesn’t exactly call it a date so you go there as a “friend from school” which makes things a lot less awkward and gives you time to warm up to the older women. Even though he doesn’t say it, you know from the way he acts that it’s not just a platonic hang out.

- Things go really well, you have a great time, his family embarrasses him, and they love you as much as he does. His grandma almost pulls out his baby pictures but he’s thankfully; for him at least, able to stop her.

- As he’s walking you home from his house the two of you stop under a streetlight for a minute and he makes his move. He tilts your face up and softly kisses you.

- He continues to walk you home while the two of you struggle to stay composed. You just can’t seem to keep the smile off your face and neither can he. When he gets home himself both his mother and grandmother are waiting for him and tease him about his lovestruck face.

- Ever since then the two of you were a couple.

- He likes to act tough but he’s a big softy at heart. When you’re alone you get to see just how sweet he is.

- He’s showing you affection constantly although he keeps it on the down low when you’re in public.

- You’re almost always going to have to pluck a toothpick out of his mouth so that you can kiss him.

- Neck and jaw kisses.

- In all seriousness he can turn your legs to jelly when he kisses you. You’re thankful that he keeps you pressed close to him because you’d probably swoon and fall on your ass if he didn’t.

- Handshakes; they always end with him kissing your knuckles.

- Tracing his tattoos with your fingers while you play with his hands.

- Going to sit with him as he smokes; he always makes sure to blow away from you.

- Surprisingly enough he’s quite the gentleman, always opening doors for you or giving up his seat.

- Swearing is a form of endearment in your relationship except around his family. His mother would lose it if she heard him lovingly call you a bitch.

- Dodges when you try to touch his hair.

- There isn’t a lot of things for teenagers to do in your city, not only is there not much to do but the two of you are kind of broke so you usually just wind up hanging out somewhere like one of your houses or a park.

- He insists on paying for dates, he won’t let you spend your money on him unless it’s like his birthday.

- Hugging and cuddling him is the best because he smells sooooo good.

- You switch things up everytime you cuddle. You swear the two of you never lay/sit in the same position twice.

- Gets jealous when other guys talk to you; he doesn’t trust them. He tries to catch as much of what the guy or you say before he decides to interject (depending on the situation).

- He quietly does what you tell him to do without much of a fight, like if you ask him to get you something or ask him for a favor he doesn’t hesitate to do it or make a big deal out of it when he does.

- Speaking Spanish, if you don’t know Spanish him and his family would most likely take advantage of it; in a nice way. Like his grandmother would comment about how pretty you are to him in Spanish.

- Kind of embarrassed by his tattoos. He tries to hide them from you and even more so your parents.

- As long as it’s not Mr. Escalante’s class he doesn’t really have a problem cutting it with you.

- Helping each other study. He’s actually really smart when he puts in the effort which he often does so on the down low.

- He likes having the excuse that he’s carrying something school related of “yours” so that he doesn’t need to worry about if his friends catch him (at least when they were actually friends).

- He quietly gets your attention in class to show you how one of your classmates is sleeping or doing something equally as amusing.

- Gets attached quickly; you show him some affection/attention and he’s yours for forever. He’s not touch starved but his life has been lacking in the romance department.

- Momma’s boy; its a good thing she loves you.

- Helping him take care of his grandmother when you go over to his house after school.

- Since he takes care of his mother and grandmother you can rest assured that he wouldn’t be embarrassed to pick you up anything period related.

- Would want to take care of you when you’re not feeling well. He feels bad when you don’t let him help you, he knows you just don’t want him getting sick because of you but it’s a habit of his to worry about and be there for his girls.

- Subtly showing your disapproval of him staying out all night. He knows what you’re getting at and agrees himself that he should stop but he tiredly makes a joke instead of saying so.

- Though you might be a slight hypocrite since you’ve snuck out to be with him during the night more than a few times.

- Lending him supplies when he doesn’t bring them to class.

- Makes kiss faces at you especially after saying something sarcastic and/or you scoffing at him.

- He looks over at you whenever he makes a joke. You try your best to stifle a laugh at his smartass jokes and antics.

- Sharing food, especially oranges and drinks on a hot summer day.

- Trying to stop him from fighting. He loves you and wants to make you happy but sometimes you won’t be able to succeed.

- Very protective; he isn’t keen on you taking public transport or walking the streets alone. He always walks closest to the road when you’re walking on the sidewalk together.

- Hes completely ready to start a full on fist fight with someone for disrespecting you.

“What? I’m doing this for you.” He says all worked up as you try to hold him back from the person.

- Feeling bad for thinking he looks hot when he’s angry... and when he spit’s at people.

- Smoothing out his hair and wiping any blood from his face after he gets into a fight. It helps calm him down and gives you time to give him that tsk™.

- Trying to help calm him down after a fight. Depending on how angry he is there’s a few way that you can... help.

- When he gets angry he gets angry. He never gets as furious as he can be at you but you’ve seen your fair share of moments when trying to calm him down. He often slams his head on things when he gets mad but he’s also been known to throw or flip things.

- Comes to your house uninvited...a lot. Be ready for him to show up without any warning.

- Your parents would probably care more if he wasn’t so sweet to them and didn’t help with things around the house as much. When a kid fixes your car, takes out the trash, helps with the dishes and mows your lawn for free every week it’s kind of hard not to like him.

- Hes got a lot of balls, sometimes he genuinely shocks you with the shit he says or does.

- Sitting in random positions together or on things you usually wouldn’t sit on. A lot of the time he just chills on your kitchen counter while you cook.

- If his grandma knows he’s going to see you she makes him take food or flowers.

- The both of you take turns insulting each other...lovingly.

- Lowkey muscular. When he took off his shirt in front of you for the first time your eyes nearly fell out of your head; all you could do was gulp.

- If you get hurt or sick then prepare to be called stupid and blamed while he takes care of you. It’s just a reflex of his; he has trouble voicing the feelings he has that make him feel weak.

- Doesn’t like pictures; you have to fight him to take one with you.

- He has quite a few pictures of you though. His grandmother keeps a framed photograph of the two of you in the living room.

- Has and will take his clothes off instead of getting them dirty or wet. You were washing your car and he just straight stripped in your driveway when you asked him to help you a little.

- Can and will fix your car if there’s a problem with it. Him and his boys probably “steal” it for a little while and make it look and run like it’s brand new.

- Jokingly makes a cross at you with his fingers whenever you mess with him or look like you’re about to voice your disapproval over something he’s done.

- Kind of just sits down and takes it when you get angry with him. He usually rolls his eyes or bulges them out a little when you turn your back to him.

- You don’t fight very often, there’s only been a few actual fights in your relationship. The biggest fight you’ve ever had was about him not wanting people knowing about your relationship(in its beginning). He just wanted to protect you and keep you away from the shit he gets himself into; you understood that.

- But let’s be honest, a secret relationship is hard, not being able to acknowledge your boyfriend in front of people is hard, hearing other girls say he’s attractive is hard. And that isn’t lost on him either, he hates seeing other guys flirt with you or not being able to walk you to class like a proper boyfriend.

- He’s really good at apologies. It’s so hard for you not to forgive him especially since you can’t stand being upset with him in the first place.

“I may be a sinner but I’m willing to pay for my sins.”

- He introduces you to Chuco who really doesn’t care. He does kind of hit on you though. After the two of them stop hanging out he flirts with you just to piss him off and tries to get answers out of you.

- Trying to cheer him up after the whole scandal and after he cuts ties with his gang. He’s a bit of a pessimist in general and you try your best to change that, he thinks it’s cute.

- Supporting him and his ambitions.

- He wants to prove himself to you even though you assure him that he doesn’t have to and that you love him no matter who he is.

- He says “love you” often, anytime the two of you say goodbye he’ll say it as though it’s the easiest thing in the world for him to do.

- If he didn’t marry you; which he in all seriousness plans on doing, his mother and grandmother would never let him live it down.

#angel guzman #angel guzman imagine #angel guzman headcanons #angel guzman headcanon #80s movie imagine #80s movie headcanons #80s movie headcanon #80s movie imagines #80s imagine #stand and deliver #stand and deliver imagine #stand and deliver imagines #stand and deliver headcanons #stand and deliver headcanon

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soundofseventeen · 4 years

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Cupid’s Chokehold (Kwon Soonyoung)

Hi, I’m excited for this one!!!! I haven’t written anything this good for Hoshi since 7 Things, so here we are!!! I hope y’all like it!!!!!

Inspo: Cupid’s Chokehold

Word count: 6910

Relationship fourteen: met at an amusement park where he hit on the person operating a ride; ended over Soonyoung being 10 minutes late to a date. Time together: Three days short of a four month relationship.

Relationship fifteen: met at one of the shopping malls when he was ordering a juice at the food court; ended over Soonyoung racing to keep you company when your date stood you up at a coffee shop. Time together: 24 days.

Relationship sixteen:

“Guys, guys, guys, meet my girlfriend!”

In the split second that you looked up from the Superstar Pledis game, you lost your momentum, missed one of the notes, and lost any hope that you could beat the high score challenge, so you just hoped that Soonyoung’s latest fling would be worth losing this. Okay you were exaggerating a little but in your defense you needed all the RP points to help upgrade one of your better cards. You let yourself fail the game and looked up again with a smile on your face.

“Hi!” Mingyu said brightly, beating you to the punchline and pushing your legs off his lap to stand up and introduce himself better. He took one of her hands in both of his and shook it eagerly. “Nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.”

You noted that while a little awkward, she didn’t look terrible. (Not that you were judging, but a lot of Soonyoung’s….past loves weren’t always the nicest.You’re looking at relationships three, six and seven here.)

“You must be Y/N. Soonie talks about you all the time.”

Soonie.

It took all your self control to not wrinkle your nose in disdain. Literally, every one of his exes called him that, so naturally you hated it. Okay not hated, but it made you wonder if the nickname held some kind of curse because not one relationship succeeded.

“The one and only.” You did however, squint your eyes at her, not recognizing her. “I’m sorry I don’t think we met.”

“I’m Aiko. I work at the vet where Soonie occasionally brings his dog in.”

Ah, no wonder he’s been bugging Seungcheol about his newest love and taking Kkooma out. You opted to stay quiet and not bust your best friend. Yet. He would eventually bust himself. But you had to admit that you were impressed with how often he changed parts of his persona...at least when you didn’t have to scold him how it wasn’t necessary and that the right person would adore him the way he was.

But, you still had to give her the credit where it was due. “Awww. Which is your favorite pet that’s been by?”

“Definitely the bunnies. We have some clients that own a rabbit farm so we see them a lot.”

“I love bunnies!” Your lips formed a pout, almost crying at the state of fluffy tails and funky teeth biting into the vegetables clouded your thoughts. You snuck a peek at Soonyoung who had hesitantly pulled a thumbs up sign and you gave him the smallest of nods which was the biggest sign for Soonyoung to start smiling widely and that little crack in your heart to split open again.

They didn’t stay much longer; Soonyoung literally just ran to his room to change clothes and grab his charger so no one really had the chance to talk to Aika other than the basics to avoid the awkward silence.

You had long ago stopped crying over Soonyoung seeing past you and going for another person but that didn’t mean the pain lessened. (thank you relationship number four.) You were always “my bestest friend in the entire world” or “my platonic soulmate who knows me better than anyone”, never more and you hated it. You just wanted to one day be someone he saw in a different light or at least find one who was like you. Maybe that would hurt less.

But maybe you were just happy that you didn’t lose sleep over him like you used to or wept into the armrest of your couch watching reruns of the shows you binged watched together.There was some normalcy back in your life but the pain still somehow managed to hit you as hard as it did the first time Soonyoung brought someone around you.

“No, you dumbass! She’s right there!” You angrily flicked your hand at your phone screen in front of you. Okay, maybe you figured that if you experienced this in real life (as you had many, many times) you realized that even if the person Hoshi ended up with someone who was exactly like you, it’d be a blow to your heart and you weren’t sure how you’d react to that.

“No, don’t go with her...don’t you dare take another….okay, fine ignore me. But don’t come crying to me when you fuck it up.” You really needed to stop watching these movies. Yes, you always knew how it ended, but that didn’t mean your anger wasn’t real. And you just kinda highkey wished it’d happen to you.

“Please stop yelling at your phone and get out of this car before I forcibly take it from you,” Soonyoung threatened.

“You were the one who wanted to come with me to wash my clothes so you’re doing everything at my pace and I swear if you break-”

“Slow down baby...you’re goin’ too fast baby!”

You smacked him. “Listen, if you don’t want all of South Korea to know you’re here, keep your voice down.”

He clicked a finger gun in your direction and slid out the driver’s side. “Gotcha. But seriously speaking, are you sure that you don’t mind that I invited Aika to hang out with us later?”

“I mean, I have to get to know her eventually, right?” You smiled a little at him. It had been a couple days since the initial introduction but you didn’t know anything else besides the obvious, and her lack of social media posts didn’t help. (You may have stalked her a little.) You finally unbuckled your seatbelt and slid your phone back into your pocket to bring two carts for your dirty laundry.

If it had been up to you, you would’ve come to the laundromat by yourself just have some time for yourself. Being around Seventeen nearly 24/7 took a lot of energy from you, but not in a bad way; you just liked having peace and quiet sometimes. But Soonyoung took it upon himself to use one of his only days off to accompany you and spend the morning with you. He even went as far as bringing breakfast to wake you up.

He helped you with the detergent and softeners and other essentials because you would’ve been mortified at the thought of him taking your dirty clothes. You werent sure why but you didnt like the thought of him touching anything. He whistled some Shinee song as he walked inside, already knowing which spot you liked. But before you could actually start loading the washing machines, you needed to reload your card because this particular laundromat didn’t use coins anymore.

You could feel your phone calling out to you to resume your watching and you were tempted to but you needed to do all this first. You took your money out the wallet and topped up the balance and once the washing machines were ready to go, you sat down at one of the tables, your finger itching to hit the play button and proceeded to ignore the rest of the world.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed but you were vaguely aware of Soonyoung disappearing for a moment and returning with the bag of breakfast, sliding a disposable tray to you and setting down a carton of juice. Then he quietly brought out a notebook and doodled on it. Your favorite thing about Soonyoung? He knew when you didn’t wanna be bothered, so he often found ways to entertain himself. Sometimes he watched his own thing; sometimes he read one of Wonwoo’s recommendations; and sometimes he worked on choreo. When it got too silent for his liking, he FaceTimed Chan so he could see exactly what he was working with and any adjustments that could be made.

“Tell the future of kpop I said hey,” you said absently, taking one of the pre-sliced waffles and biting into it. The plot in front of you had progressed drastically, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to stop watching or keep it going because every move and every word hurt your heart.

“You tell him! Okay Dino, it looks good, but now try the spin counter clockwise. I wanna see how that looks.”

You stopped watching long enough to put it away and focus on Soonyoung as he went into choreographer mode. Though he was sitting, you watched the way his hands moved and if you stood up, you knew’d be seeing them trying to mirror each other’s actions.

“Hyung, what if we did this-” you could hear Chan’s heavy breathing with the way some nonexistent tempo increased and the way his sneakers squeaked on the floor. “-instead of..” More squeaking and you were pretty sure he had thrown himself on the floor. “This? And if we circle around I’m thinking maybe Mingyu hyung, it could work.”

Soonyoung clapped, bobbing...or probably counting in his head, most likely picturing whatever he saw Dino doing, and smiled brightly. “I like it! If we can saturate the movement a little more-” more hand movements and a couple of foot stomps, “- I think we can get him to pull it off.” He stood up, made sure he wasn’t disturbing anyone else and mimicked the younger boy’s action.

You nodded along, breaking out into your own smile at watching him. Your heart ached for him, but you knew you had to content yourself with how you were. You couldn’t risk losing him.

“I’m telling you Y/N, I think she could be the one,” Soonyoung sighed dreamily.

“So you’re telling me that because this woman makes you pancakes any time you visit her in the morning, she’s made for you?” you stared off into space, making a confused face as to how in the world that could add up. “You don’t even like breakfast foods.”

“But when she makes them...oh my god. I even told my mom about her.”

You didn’t have it in you to tell him that not only did his mom video call you and shake her head at the proclamation, but she also expressed her worry about him jumping into a new relationship every time he came home with a broken heart and how one day, he wouldn’t be able to go back to himself. You understood her; since Seventeen’s debut, he had been in 15 different relationships, more than all the boys put together, none of which lasted longer than eight months. (Needless to say, you kept track.)

“You believe me, right?”

“Eat your ice cream Soonie.”

“You know it doesn’t even sound cute when you say it.” He wrinkled his nose at you. “Just for that, you’re paying for our dessert.” He pulled out his wallet and slid it out to you. “Go.”

You pulled out his credit card, frowning a little.

“What?”

“Nothing...it’s just don’t you keep a picture of Aiko in here?”

“Nah, I’m new school.”

“Didn’t you steal one of the boys’ phones the other day to complain to the phone company that yours stopped working?”

“Hey, it wasn’t my fault that I forgot that it was still updating. Shut up.”

You threw your head back and laughed before going to pay the nice lady for some of the best homemade treats you ever tasted. You patted Soonyoung’s head fondly, resisting the urge to wrap your arms around his neck and just hugging him for being so funny. Good thing too, because when the little bell dinged announcing a new arrival, the Japanese beauty came in and Soonyoung was up so fast, he nearly dropped the chair. He spoke animatedly, doing some kind of handshake you knew was only for them and then pointed to you, which you waved politely and pushed her your way.

“Always hyperactive, isn’t he?” she laughed when she joined you. “I told him I just had lunch but he swears the muffins are the best here. What do you think?”

“They’re good if you have a sweet tooth, but I personally like the cookies.”

“I’ll have whatever you like then,” Aiko smiled at you. “I’m sorry if I’m awkward by the way. I’m nervous.”

“About? Hi, I’ll take some of those too, and then we’ll be ready to pay.”

“Soonie talks about you like you put the stars in the sky so I’m a little scared to say the wrong thing.” Not the first time you heard that, but you heard it with relationship number 10 (you think.)

“Honestly, just treat him right, and we’ll be okay.” She didn’t have to know how unlucky Soonyoung was...the cheaters, the manipulators, the insecure ones who swore you were stealing him away, the ones who wanted him for his fame and/or fortune and even a couple who only used him to get to you. Every single one ended up with him at your house in the middle of the night and the cheap takeout place that delivered at any hour seemed to be his only cure. Most of the time he didn’t go home and called the leader to say he wouldn’t be going to work the next day. Some days, he used the time to go to the beach or out of town, but sometimes he liked staying in and watching movies...both of which included you.

“Okay.” She received the bag of sweets from the old lady and skipped back to her boyfriend who placed his hand on her hair and kissed it and then gave you two thumbs up. That was your cue to leave, despite him insisting you stay but you really needed to put your laundry away before you decided to leave it by your entrance until it was time to wash again. (Or so you reasoned with yourself to not interrupt them.) Aiko seemed to be the best one for Soonyoung so far, and while it still killed you to see him with someone else, at least she was nice about things. You slipped out, noticed only by your best friend who looked betrayed at you leaving but you texted him your excuse.

It did, however, surprise you when you opened your front door and you cried all over again, the bitter tears stinging for feeling like a bad person for not wanting it to go as well as it was.

“Special delivery!” you cried out to the boys at Pledis in their practice room a month later. “I’ve got some things for my favorite boys.” Comeback season always proved to be more strenuous than the last and you hated how little you saw of them. In their earlier days, you would’ve seen at least one of them roaming Seoul, but alas.

“You’re a lifesaver!” Hansol took one of the plastic bags from you and dug through it, frowning when that one didn’t hold what he was looking for.

“I never said these were for you. I was talking about Nu’est.” (Dongho had taken your treats to his group mates though, but they didn’t need to know that.) However, you handed him the correct bag and he pulled out a small bag of M&Ms, yelling triumphantly and they took turns searching for their requested items.

“Where’s Tiger Brain?” you asked, looking around. He had originally asked you to bring him another pair of sweats because he had ripped them. Again. They currently hung over your arm while you picked the lint off of them.

“Recording studio.” Jihoon opened his can of Coke and somehow managed to drink the whole thing in a single chug. Impressive if not concerning.

“Why?” You counted 12 heads, three different times. No one else was missing.

“Aiko’s here and she looks pissed.” Junhui then stuffed his face with the lunch you brought for him, in case he had said too much.

“I haven’t done anything!” Your reflexive defense whenever things had gotten rocky for the lovebird in paradise. Always true, but no one ever seemed to believe you until they had seen that you did indeed mind your business. This time was no different.

“We never said you did. Chill.”

“Do I need to go in and clarify something?”

“That might make it worse.” Minghao looked around to see if anyone would hear them. “When she asked for him, it was because she wanted to talk to him about his dog...or rather Cheol’s dog.”

So she found out. “It isn’t something to be mad over.” You had known people who did that, but no one ever had to stop working in the middle of the day over it.

“When i went to ask him for the notebook with the new dance, she was telling him about the phone call he had with you.”

“Which one?” Now you could feel the annoyance tingling at your fingertips. You always called him and he you, none of which were ever important. The most recent one being him calling you at 2:33 last night (er this morning) when he asked if he should dye his hair red or green or maybe yellow….to which you yelled at him for waking you up. But how did she know about that one? For one moment you wondered if she found a way to bug your phone...it happened in relationship number five. Creepy and unsettling and the paranoia still hadn’t left you.

“I guess she saw you the other day shopping for groceries-”

“You know, sometimes my stomach likes to remind me that I need to be fed. Just a crazy thought.”

Minghao pointed at you dramatically. “This is my story time, peasant.” He waited for you to close your mouth again. “Now, I don’t know what the gist was but apparently you saw her and said something about going to the beach with him.”

Classic word twisting...relationships one through now apparently. “Yeah, we were thinking that after this comeback that we wanted to take everyone out because, you know, you all work hard and don’t take any breaks.” Originally, it had been just for you two, then Seungcheol and Jihoon had cut into the conversation, wanting Soonyoung’s opinion for something they wrote, and from there, Soonyoung said something about a leader line getaway with you, and then Wonwoo’s voice sounded and before you knew it, bam...beach day with OT13. You had a run in with her around that time and you talked about it, but she didn’t seem bothered by it. But you had felt sick now about it, so you smiled and handed the sweats over to one of the boys and decided to go home before you got caught here. On your way out, you picked up a few wrappers that they managed to throw on the floor and went to throw them away when you saw a stack of burned pancakes inside.

“Aiko brings him breakfast some mornings but when she’s in a bad mood, she burns them,” Joshua said quietly dumping his own trash in there. “It’s been happening a lot.”

You said nothing. The one thing about Soonyoung’s relationships you didn’t keep track of? How many of them felt threatened by you near the end. You had lost count.

The time on your phone displayed 12:46 am when someone knocked on your door and Soonyoung’s I’m outside text followed shortly after. You sighed a deep sigh, one that came from your tired soul because you knew this was coming and you could feel the beginning of end. The end being your patience hollowing before you expressed how tired you were of his stupidity and possibly ruined your friendship.

“Let’s go out tomorrow,” he said as his greeting. “I feel like we haven’t done anything together lately.”

“Comeback season, remember?” You wanted to shake your head at him, noticing the way he was wired up and in the way you wanted see him

“But that’s not really an excuse to ditch you. My treat.” He smiled at you hopefully, pleading for you to say yes so you nodded.

You picked up your phone, ready to place an order on the familiar app. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes! I thought you’d never ask!”

In the middle of his kimchi soup dinner, he spilled everything, not even looking at you as he told you everything you missed. You didn’t bring up being at Pledis or seeing the spoiled food, and you could tell he was grateful.

“Hey Y/N?”

“What?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

You wanted to joke about the infinite number of things just to make him smile, but in his vulnerable state, you couldn’t, just because you knew how he’d take it to heart. (You’ve learned from that mistake.) You just shook your head. “You’re human.” He nodded slowly, trying to enjoy his dinner, but slurping but slurping the noodles so slowly. You sighed.

Relationship ended over: Jealousy and insecurity. Time together: two months, two weeks.

Relationship seventeen: Soonyoung accompanied Jeonghan to get a car fixed and flirted with the secretary; ended over the secretary accusing Jeonghan of trying to scam the company when you somehow got involved saying you had saved some receipts; time together: 43 days.

Relationship eighteen: attempted to rekindle something with your neighbor across the street; ended over the neighbor being engaged; time together: 0 days

Relationship nineteen: befriended a tourist and offered himself to show off the sites and best places to visit. (No mention of you, but details); ended when the tourist had to go back home but the pair promised to remain friends; time together 20 days

Relationship twenty:

“You’re in my seat.”

You looked up at the stranger confused, the fluorescents of Pledis lights blinding you momentarily. “I’m sorry, I always sit here. I’m waiting for my friends to get here-” You blinked, trying to adjust to the lighting.

“Bongcha, you’re here!” Though the voice was very familiar, you were very confused when Soonyoung dashed by you and ran to the stranger….Bongcha, you assumed her name was, and hugged her. “It’s so good to see you!” he turned to you. “Hey you! I wasn’t expecting to see you today!” He made this grand hand gesture to the person he was talking to, not even wondering why you were here this early. “This is Bongcha! She’s my girlfriend. Bongcha, this is the spectacular, marvelous, beautiful, wonderful, talented, amazing-”

“Are you gonna get to the point soon or are you just gonna waste your breath?” Mini tour season, you guessed? He was only ever this hyped up whenever someone told him they were going to sing their hearts out.

“Y/N,” he finished. “My best friend in the whole entire world that I adore to bits even when I’m treated like this.”

Bongcha nodded at you once she looked you over, but didn’t say much else. “I was waiting to see if you’re done with rehearsals so we can go have dinner.”

Okay, she wasn’t gonna acknowledge your presence, which you were fine with. You weren’t here to see her, or even Soonyoung, really. But dinner already? It was still somewhere between the breakfast/lunch area. Whatever though. “Do you know if Seokmin is done with whatever you’re doing?” you asked him instead.

His mouth formed an ‘o’. “You’re finally gonna take my advice and one of my friends? I like it.”

“Gross, no. He wanted to know if he could tag along with me to the eye doctor and I said I’d meet him here.”

“But you didn’t ask me?” He looked hurt, despite the fact his girlfriend was there, clinging to his arm, ready to pull away when she heard enough.

“Our appointments are literally back to back. You’re not missing much. I’ll see you later though?”

“Okay, yeah...ye-whoa. I’ll see you later then. You’re really strong Bongcha.”

As it turned out...you needed a stronger pair of glasses, but so did Seokmin so it wasn’t a complete loss. He treated you (after looking offended at the thought of you paying your meal) to a McDonald’s lunch, raving about the time he and Wonwoo accidentally broke one of the soda machines during their predebut days and then dove into a different topic how they were hitting the road again soon just to blow off some steam and he was excited but he was gonna miss you, because he always felt like he saw you the least, so you offered to go shopping for some friendship bracelets so he wouldn’t be alone and the big baby really broke out into his big grin at the thought and ushered you out the door before you request dessert. If only your heart could want Seokmin the way it wanted Soonyoung.

Bongcha, huh?

Seventeen being gone meant that you could catch up (and even get ahead in some cases) on everything you neglected during your free time. Sometimes you wondered how you still had a job because of how easily you dropped it for them, but some mysteries didn’t need to be solved.

You stocked up on groceries and snacks, and even bought yourself new bedsheets to change the theme in your room, nearly deciding to redecorate the entire place with a sudden burst of inspiration. You nulled the idea when you realized just how much effort it’d actually take, but you did compromise on silverware….and maybe even plates but nothing too crazy.

You managed to spy Bongcha at the post office once, but she deliberately looked away before you could wave, and normally you’d be hurt about it, but there was no way that whatever she had with Soonyoung could last. You could attest to all the rude ones but it wasn’t worth telling Soonyoung about it. It’s not that he wouldn’t believe you, but he’d confront her, and then take you both somewhere to “work out your differences” and he wouldn’t leave you alone until you swore you were friends now. No thank you.

Most of the time when he called you, he let you in on the details of the small tour like who messed up the lyrics (he was looking at Seungcheol here), or how Seungkwan deciding to play marco polo in the pool and accidentally scared one of the kids when Jun pulled his leg underwater. You loved their antics and sometimes you wished you could take them up on the offer and go on tour with them at least once, but you needed your space from them. And before you knew it, they were finally done and they’d be back.

“Y/N, it could be her. I can feel it.”

Even in your sleepy haze, you could hear the ridiculousness at how he sounded. You paused the FaceTime call, clock letting you know it was 3:17 am and Seventeen was just getting home from the home country tour but he wanted to stop by her house first to surprise her. He had been giving you shit about always going to the first and last concerts but never more unless you had the money for it, but nonetheless letting you know the basics that happened, but now he was letting you know that he was serious about Bongcha. “Oh god.”

“I mean it. Like I talked to my dad about her and I wanna take her to home so she can meet them once we can go on vacation. You should hear the way she says my name.”

“Oh Soonie, you’re so cute. Oh Soonie, you’re the best. Oh Soonie…” you actually had to stop yourself from gagging. That nickname would be the death of you.

“You know, it’s still not cute when you say it. I don’t know why, but I don’t like it. So just for that, you’re buying me lunch when I-” The phone clattered to the floor and you woke up finally at being dropped.

“Hosh?” Nothing. “Soonyoung?” And then you saw a brief flash of light, and then you could see the denim and you lost vision so you could assume Soonyoung threw you in his pants….or shorts….whatever.

“What is this?!” You could finally hear him. “Who the fuck is this?!”

Oh shit….that was gonna be awkward. “Soonyoung?” Not like he could hear you but still worth a shot. “Hey, are you okay?” A deeper, unfamiliar voice spoke up, probably answering his question but still sounding muffled. You pressed the speaker as close to your ear as possible, straining to hear anything. “Soonyoung, don’t do anything stupid.” You could hear his deep breaths.

“I...you...and this...you’re joking right? This...it hasn’t been happening right?” The way he struggled to keep his composure broke you and you just wished you could find the humor in how he spoke, so bright and so happy, the denial. “It has? Okay, well...have a nice life. Just delete my number. And you...I could so kick your ass right now. No, don’t get up.”

“SOONYOUNG!” you yelled when you heard something break and a door slam.

“Change of plans Y/N, I’m coming over.” He offered no other explanation and hung up on you.

“Is there something wrong with me?” The question you always hated to answer and with every heartbreak just made you wanna lock in his house somewhere and not leave until he didn’t have a rebound. He’s had cheating girlfriends before, but this was the first time he saw it with his own eyes, and it was different in a sense.

Nonetheless, you were honest. “It wasn’t your fault, you know. Some people can’t stay committed.” You wanted to reach over and take his hand in yours, seep out all his pain and carry it with you, but you stayed put. He stared at his bowl of soup, not even bothering to eat it. Your own food remained untouched too, no doubt more cold than warm already.

Soonyoung finally put his face in his hands. “What’s wrong with me Y/N? Why can’t I ever find someone who stays?”

“Do you ever think that maybe you jump into a relationship too fast without even thinking?”

“No...I always make sure I’m over someone.”

“Twenty relationships since debut isn’t normal Soonyoung.” He raised his head to look at you, tears ready to spill out in case you said something to push him over the edge, but didn’t say anything, listening, waiting. “I think that maybe after your breakup, you come to me and then you’re here with me, and then a couple days later, it’s like you bounce back and repeat the cycle.”

“Where the hell did you get 20?” he asked, but didn’t let you explain yourself. “Where did I meet 20 people that have somehow made me their boyfriend?”

“It’s just that...every time someone new comes into your life….you just go so into...and I don’t know...you swear they’ve become some part of your life and you look so happy….I don’t know. Twenty.”

“Do you really think that of me? Do you really think that I’m like that?”

“Soonyoung, it’s almost four in the morning; you literally came to me because your ex-girlfriend is cheating on you. You have done this every single time in the past. You just called Cheol to let him know you’re not going in tomorrow because you’re staying here. I’m sorry, but did you even ask?” you realized he never did; he just assumed you’d let him every time and you have. “Later this week, you’re gonna on your own doing who knows what because it’s all too much for you and you’re gonna meet someone. You’re gonna get to them, tell me about it and then it goes wrong.”

“It’s not 20. Hell, it’s not even 10. Am I that desperate to fill a void in my heart? But even if it was, why the hell are you counting who comes into my life?”

“Because I care! I hate seeing you like this. I can’t stand you-”

“Okay, I’m gone.” He stood up abruptly. “I won’t come back next time.” He pulled out his wallet, took out a few bills and tossed them on the couch. “Here. I’m so sorry I ruined dinner, but I hope this makes up for it.”

“Where are you going? Take your money; I don’t want it.”

“I’m going to my dorm because apparently no one cares how I feel when I’m there. Good night.”

Relationship twenty (not twenty?): ended over a cheater; time together: three months; additional comments: thank you Bongcha for this fight. You just lost your best friend.

Much like Soonyoung’s relationships, you counted the days since Soonyoung stopped speaking to you. It’s been 87 days. Your texts and calls went unanswered and the boys pretty much made excuses about Soonyoung not being able to come to the phone when you called them. It didn’t matter; it was fine. You loved being ignored anyways. You didn’t need him; that's why you had your kdramas to get you through the heartache. At least things could work out in a fictional universe.

Still you cursed yourself for ending up at Pledis and signing in at the front because apparently your pride wasn’t gonna let you have this. You waved to Hyerin who was discussing a possible collab with Beomju, but neither saw you, so you went on your way to find anyone of the 13 boys who could help you. Your first stop was the recording section with Jihoon playing producer and Jeonghan behind the mic. Joshua was in the corner showing Seokmin how to play the song he liked and Seungkwan occasionally sang the lyrics to “I HATE YOU” but everyone stopped everything when you opened the door. Although sudden, none of them seemed surprised to see you, but annoyed at being interrupted.

“Where’s Soonyoung? I need to talk to him. Please don’t tell me he isn’t here.” Your voice sounded tired, and if you heard any type of rejection, you were sure to cry.

“Practice room,” Jihoon said at last, lips pursed, ready to tell you more but thought against it. “It’s a unit day practice so he’s probably showing them a new routine.” He turned his attention back to Jeonghan. “Sorry Hyung. Take it from the top please.”

Seokmin flashed you a quick thumbs up before handing the guitar to Joshua and you just hoped he’d be there. You ran into Vernon on your way over, showing you some parts of the latest rap, and you just accepted the bad omen. Because really, what could be worse than him saying “goodbye”? At least he treated you as if it wasn’t the last time he was gonna see you, but you weren’t sure if that was a good thing and then he disappeared into the room with the vocal unit practiced.

You took a deep breath when you arrived, preparing for the worst, and you knocked gently. You waited a few seconds then you opened the door and were immediately greeted with loud music. Chan and Minghao were stretching on the floor, laughing at some joke and Junhui wiped the sweat from his face. They weren’t surprised to see you either, but now you wanted to know who spilled that you were here because it hadn’t even been five minutes, according to your phone, but man it felt longer than that. The three wordlessly pointed to the furthest corner where Soonyoung chugged a bottle of water in record time.

“Hyung?” Chan called out and he reflexively turned around. “You have a visitor.”

He nodded and the boys dispersed pretty quickly, leaving only the awkward silence, tension and more distance between you than you would’ve liked. You took his sweet time coming to you, making you more nervous by the second. He normally ran up to you as if you had been gone for years and he couldn’t wait to be at arm’s length. You just wanted him to return to normal, or even just run you out of his life already. You couldn’t handle this anymore. By the time he reached you, you wanted him to stay faraway from you. Your hands clammed up and the fight or flight response kicked.

“It hasn’t been 20 relationships,” he said quietly. “It hasn’t even been half, probably half of those at most.” he kicked at the floor. “God why would you even think that? Why couldn’t you ever think I missed you after a long day?”

“You were never at my door unless you wanted to forget someone.”

“Do you think it‘s easy to forget you? Did you ever think that there wasn’t anyone else I wanted to be with, relationship or not? Finding you in everyone was exhausting. Okay, maybe a few of them did get past the whole, ‘maybe-I-can-get-over-Y/N’ phase, but, it’s hard.”

“No, don’t do that.” you shook your head, not quite believing what you were hearing.

“You’re my best friend Y/N. I hate everything we’ve come to because I can’t think straight. Okay yeah, maybe every time something finishes, I think that maybe I can tell you, but then you’re here next to me, and I don’t wanna fuck it up. Did you know I had a dream one time where you had fallen in love with me but i didn’t notice because I was flirting with someone named Minseo and when you finally told me, i was already with her, but you told me in a letter and I told you to get out of my life?”

“Soonyoung, who would be stupid enough to do that? Of all things someone can do.” And then you smacked him. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? Do you know much we could’ve avoided. I’ve kept track of all of them...everyone that hurt you, everyone you hurt, mutual fallouts, it’s all there. Why did you wait until all this happened?” You could feel yourself falling to the floor in relief.

“What do you mean why did I wait this long? I want to stay in your life even if you don’t feel that way about me.” He joined you on the floor. “I’m sorry for walking away the other night. But please tell me about shit like this because I can tell you how many girlfriends I’ve had. But that was my bad too��” he rambled off.

“I’m sorry for accusing you,” you stared at his shoes, your shoes. He wanted his shoe to nudge yours; you could see it; you wanted him to do it too. “You’re not exactly easy to forget either. I guess I forget that you’re a big part of my life and not having you around,” you took a deep breath, “it hurts. But I want you to be happy with your life choices and who you end up with, even if it isn’t with me.”

Soonyoung nodded, not really quite sure what to do with the information. He stayed quiet though, sliding closer to you until your shoulders were touching and he finally bumped his shoe with yours. He stared at his reflection, then yours, focusing on the way you stared at your feet bumping into each other. “Hey Y/N?”

You looked up at him shyly, and you could swear you heard his heartbeat picking up. “Yeah?” He caressed your cheek gingerly and tilted your chin up to meet his maze and pressed a soft kiss to your lips

“Are you still there?”

You waited a few seconds before you answered, a smile making its way across your face. “Yeah.”

“Okay, good. What are you doing right now?”

“Eww, I think I liked it better when you guys weren’t dating.” Wonwoo. “At least you spared us these conversations.”

“Nothing since the last time you asked. I’m in the living room right now. Are you coming over today?”

“If you want me to. How’s Tigger?” You could hear him say something to Wonwoo and the other person there, most likely asking him about some color schemes.

“Down for his nap. I guess the shot tired him out, but I can at least get more things done.”

“Yeah, we adopted a cat and we named him Tigger; we got him earlier this week and we just took him to the vet this morning. Yeah, we’re painting the bathroom tomorrow. How much is the total?”

“Damn, move in already. You guys are gross. Wait, is that...Y/N guess what?!”

“What?” You jumped at being acknowledged suddenly. “I don’t need to go take him my credit card, do I?”

“No.”

The warm fuzzy feeling crept up into your insides. Somehow it had all come together after his years of heartache. His parents had been thrilled when they found out when you got together, and it seemed that the boys breathed collective sighs of relief at seeing you two, but nothing compared to what Wonwoo said next.

“He has a picture of you in his wallet and he carries it with him everywhere.”

232 notes · View notes

starkeaton · 4 years

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the adventure zone: graduation character list

Well, i accidentally deleted the original graduation character list post, so here i am making another one. Oops. And as always, if anyone has important details i should add then feel free to suggest them!

Here are all the characters introduced in episodes 1-25. Named characters only!

Also i can’t hide spoilers! So, um..... I can’t put spoilers on this one. If you need the version with spoilers try this version of the post that i made on the adventure zone subreddit but youre not missing out on much.

# -EPISODE 1- (19 characters)

Hieronymous Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Hero/Villain school. at least 400 years old. wears shining blue armor with gold accents. also an elf. according to Tomas, he led the charge at the "battle of blood valley", brought the Kingdoms of Rickart and Dawnbreak to a peace treaty, and founded the school. a little boastful, a little prideful, [SPOILERS OMITTED], and overall a pretty good dude.

Higglemas Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Sidekick/Henchperson annex, cranky old elf. has a dog named hero who shows no signs of anything strange at all, ever.

Gary (he/him): friendly room gargoyle. pseudo-hivemind.

Groundsy (he/him): the groundskeeper. a pretty nice fellow. don't go in his shed.

Hernandez (he/him): beautiful centaur professor of animal handling.

Jimson (he/him): human battlegrounds trainer for sidekicks/henchpeople, world famous featherweight champion, wields a staff. married to crushman.

Crushman (he/him): silver dragonborn with a sickle, and self-described beefy boy! heavyweight blood champion married to jimson. never lost a match for 8 years. full name Frostus Crushman.

Rolandus Fontaine (he/him): former prince, son of deposed king, kind of an asshole, maybe. wears a cape (important detail)

Zana (she/her): "terrifying" tiefling villain sorcerer, friend of rolandus. barkept the test tavern in ep2

Rhodes (she/her): hero ranger, friend of rolandus.

Buckminster Eden (he/him): hero guy. son of "The Iron Lord". their dad is stronger than rolandus's dad. his wiki page says rogue so i think hes a rogue? i never caught that and ive listened more times than i wish i did

Leon (he/him): softspoken buff, bald "fighter" (although i dont remember any clarification on how exactly he fights), sidekick of buckminster, around 28. anyone else keep forgetting he's bald? i keep forgetting it. >!gets sorta-drafted into becoming a falcon for higglemas and so far hasn't done much else.!<

Rainer Michelle (she/her): cheerful villainous necromancer with a floating chair. also, her name is pronounced "rainier" despite not being confirmed as such? travis ships her with fitzroy.

Tomas (he/him): human man with "kind eyes" and a good (psychic???) memory. guidance counselor.

Stewart LeBoeuf (he/him): brawny human man. serves food. there is no joke here, i promise

Mulligan (he/him): teaches potions. mentioned but doesn't appear yet. and we're like 25 episodes in. maybe we'll see him someday

Germaine, Victoria, Rattles (he/him,she/her,???/???): Skeleton crew. They live in the training room i guess, and as a result can never die, because "no one dies in the training room!" (note: someone now HAS to die in the training room). also their races are never explicitly stated but i guess they're probably human? in episode 3 travis brings up something about how many bones are in "the human body" and at this point i think i'm looking too deep into this so i'll just forget about it and you probably should too.

# -EPISODE 2- (9 characters)

Riveau (he/him): halfling, blame-taking teacher.

Mimi (they/them): gnome sidekick who builds cool robot prosthetics

Bartholemus (he/him): owl aarakocra accountant teacher, known for being the best accountant in the land and having a face some might describe as "smoochable". very pro capitalist :’( hope he gets better

Ramos (she/her): goliath teacher of shieldwork. *

Dip (she/her): sidekick, half-orc twin of pip

Pip (she/her): hero, half-orc twin of dip

Festo (they/them): fairy with "beautiful gossamer wings", independent study teacher of magic, loves to party

Snippers (he/him?): Let me tell you my story about Snippers the magic crab. When Travis gave the list of animals that Griffin could choose as Fitzroy's familiar's current form, he listed crab near the start, and this gave me excitement. Now i knew that crab was pretty unlikely but god i hoped that he would choose it. When the list went on- Bat, Cat, Crab, Frog, Hawk, Lizard, Owl, Poisonous Snake, Fish, Rat, Raven, Seahorse, Spider or Weasel- I nearly lost hope. I was hoping so hard that Griffin would choose the crab, but i was ready to accept a non-crab familiar. It was just buried in that list. It wasn't the most useful animal and it was an obscure pick. And as Travis informed him that it didn't have to keep the form for the whole campaign, Griffin said those five words i wanted to hear so, so badly. "Well then it's a crab." Folks, I do not often react physically when something happens in media. But in that moment, i remember very clearly, i fist-pumped and yelled, "YES!!!!!!"

so anyway, Fitzroy has a crab.

Jackle (he/him): kenku teacher of sneakery. creepy dude. apparently knows something about argo? also his name is not spelled "jackal" for some reason. Also in later episodes theyve started calling him "The Jackle" for some reason??? *

# -EPISODE 3- (1 character)

Dakota (they/them): tavern instructor, clad in black/red leather. no race stated? probably human. *

# -EPISODE 4- (6 characters)

Gerry & Tom (she/her, he/him): shopkeepers at barns and nobles who seem to have very bad names. also constantly competing for customers? these guys got dropped faster than the heathcliff quests, which is honestly just sad.

Barb (she/her): the bartender. runs Springs Eternal in Last Hope. has a sweet seeing-eye hawk familiar.

Jaryd Reginald (he/him): owner of Reginald Ore. Wants the workers to be held responsible for the damage caused by the xorn. (fun fact: originally i wrote down "Jerrod" because i wanted it to sound like a fantasy name, then realized it was probably "Jared" because theyre named after listeners, but i was pleased to find it confirmed that it's actually "Jaryd")

Candice (she/her): A Miner. thought those werent allowed in bars but, i guess not. Wants the mine owner to be held responsible for the xorn's damage.

Jade Johnson Esq. (she/her): lawyer.

# -EPISODE 5- (1 character)

Xorn: a big hungry gem eating guy from the plane of earth Low-Down Deep with 3 arms and 3 legs. why did travis just say "multi-armed" instead of specifying it was 3? who knows! Anyway it leaves

# -EPISODE 6- (3 characters)

Osric (he/him): the man, the myth, the bursar. finally shows up after being mentioned in episodes 2 and 4. he's an elf.

breeze through the willows (she/her): Pegasus attacked by demons, lost her parents. introduced in ep1 but gets a name here so fuck it. also in ep>!16!< we find out shes a "white arabian pegasus" and i dont think thats a spoiler bc we shouldve really known it from the beginning

Sabor (he/him): Librarian/research teacher. also a TORTLE. Really good at recalling stuff, i guess. kinda reminds me of Tomas's memory thing but i'm sure that's just a coincidence... *

# -EPISODE 7- (1 character)

Mosh (he/him): The goliath blacksmith who welcomes argo into the unbroken chain. Also, and this is specific to the tumblr version of this post, all the characters with an * at the end of their descriptions are also members of the unbroken chain. if someone knows how to do spoilers on tumblr please tell me

# -EPISODE 8-

# -EPISODE 9- (2 characters)

Eeiïäá#æ&éñn (pronounced like "Ian") (he/him?): an imp but without a shitty voice. also happens to not be violent. what a coincidence?

Terence (he/him): a chain devil with a real demonic name. minor boss of the imps. very convincing and very threatening. has the frightening ability to make you zone out during his fight

# -EPISODE 10- (2 characters)

Althea Song (she/her): elf with autumn-orange hair. representative from heroic oversight guild. i'd like to personally thank travis for spelling her name out.

Crabtree (she/her): Artificing teacher. Long gray hair with a long grey beard. no mentioned race, one might guess dwarf but that would be an assumption i suppose. also unbroken chain member, presumably the dwarf argo didn't recognize in episode 7.

# -EPISODE 11- (3 characters)

Marie (she/her): Grey-haired elf woman. She's the school's physician, i guess. Member of the unbroken chain.

Dendra Maplecourt (she/her): Fitzroy's mom. Has hot mint gum, i guess. She was mentioned earlier but i wasn't convinced she was a real person until this episode

Cool Gary (he/him): AYY ITS ME GARYR

# -EPISODE 12-

no new characters again!

# -EPISODE 13- (7 characters hhhyyyuu)

Kale (???/???): Head of the Placement Department, in charge of real world assignments. First mentioned in Ep4 but i missed that the last few times bc it is so brief. Gives exposition about missions i guess????? is that the only reason this chara cter exists

satyr thief (unnamed) (he/him): tries to rob thundermen, dies instantly

Ogre (he/him): teamed up with the satyr. his name is ogre.

Moon (he/him): A Sidekick. small pale sullen guy. no mentioned race. Why is there another FUCKING sidekick WE HAD ENOUGH hhhyuuuuuu

Deanna (she/her): A bigoted centaur with an obnoxious voice. Malwin the Strong's second in command.

Malwin the Strong (she/her): Leader of the centaurs of the scarlet woods. Wants to appease the spirit of the scarlet woods so that thecentaurs of the scarlet woods will be protected in the scarlet woods. Had a relationship with Arturas in the past but their clashes are currently known to get pretty heated.

Arturas (he/him): Leader of the Centaurs of the Valley, i guess. Had a relationship with Malwin. Centaur. Did i mention centaur? i cant think of anything else about this character

# -EPISODE 14- (2 characters)

Calhain (he/him): Human wizard, Malwin's magical advisor. Kind of an amateur wizard in a job high above his skill level. Graduated Wigginstaff's as a hero.

Spirit of the Scarlet Woods: A spirit who requires sacrifice in order to keep Malwin's herd safe and prosperous. Not keen on dubiously canonical combos, i guess. i wouldnt be either. also apparently the sacrifice depends on personal value, not how much value it has to the spirit.

# -EPISODE 15- (2 characters)

Sylvia Nite (she/her): Fitzroy's magic theory teacher at knight night school, who he turned into a catfish by accident. oops!

Chaos (they/them, maybe more): Presumably a deity, gave Fitz his powers and wants him to give in to his chaotic desires. (physical desc: 9 foot tall, iridescent 'mother of pearl' skin, pure white eyes, fine burgundy cloak with gold/onyx lining. their physical form beyond that seems to change every time they show up.)

# -EPISODE 16-

none -w-

# -EPISODE 17-

some demins happened. the big dudes are called "Pit Fiends" and the armored demon ladies are called "Erinyes", by the way. that was incredibly hard for me to figure out the first time, especially without headphones, i thought travis was saying "pig feet" and i just could not discern what the other things were

# -EPISODE 18- (6 characters)

snow on the mountain: shire horse pegasus

storm at sea: peruvian paso pegasus, vehement defender of The Guardian. doesn't have a goofy voice.. but he could have....

thaw of the spring: a winged horse

night of no clouds: a winged hhorse

The Guardian: "An ancient and powerful being that guards the unknown forest." Has protected the flock from demons for many many years. apparently is the voice that was talking to our firbolg in episode 1?

Grey, the Demon Prince (he/him): wants to cause a war, originally wanted to kill hiero and higgs, forces the heroes to build an army to fight his. As "Fauxronimous", he has skin the *color and pattern of* (but not necessarily made of) slate splashed with liquid, pointed ears, sharp teeth, shining eyes, horns of unspecified shape. 12 fucking feet tall. wonder if the slate-looking skin is related to garys. plot twist detected? Also i recently looked at the episode descriptions and found out his name is spelled "Gray", but really does it truly matter?

# -EPISODE 19- (2 characters)

Shabree Keene (she/her): Argo's mom, killed on the Mariah, possibly by the Commodore. Long auburn hair, green eyes. Mentioned earlier but described here, so fuck it.

**Thomas** (he/him): Argo's first mate on the Mariah, as the Kraken, in his chaos-dream. may or may not actually exist.

# -EPISODE 20- (1 character)

The Commodore (he/him): Reknowned hero of the seas, military regalia, great naval hero, presumably responsible for the death of Shabree Keene. No mentioned race. Seriously, they never mention this guy's race. The only thing described about him is how he's dressed and his evil smile. Does that mean he's human? Elf? Dwarf??? Who knows! maybe it just doesnt matter.

# -EPISODE 21-

none

# -EPISODE 22-

not any of them. not any.

# -EPISODE 23- (1 character)

Ozymondelius (sp???) (it/its): A warforged teacher who just so happens to like war or something? i guess its in the name. only mentioned in this episode, doesnt show up yet.

# -EPISODE 24-

they have a fight in the training room but nobody dies :\\ maybe next time. also no new characters. pog

# -EPISODE 25- (4 characters)

Gherkin (he/him): Tall lankier skeleton, has a scimitar and a merkin, which is a pubic wig... and he wears a jerkin? which i guess is a kind of coat? also i think hes mute

Tibia (she/her?) : Shorter skeleton with gold teeth, and long canines. i think both of the skeletons are mute actually.

The Lich King aka Gordy (he/him): Rainer's dad. Commands armies of the undead. lives in The Crypt. described as a hooded, skull-faced man with intricate black lines on his face, but changes to a shaved-head man with dark skin and vetiligo. Abandoned as a babby, raised by traveling parents, had necromancy powers, took Rainier in. Not actually very scary at all i don't know why he did the creepy laugh. Kind of a warm fatherly figure actually. hm. also people are speculating Gordy might be short for Gordita and his parents are maybe supposed to be lup and barry but THAT S JUST A THEORY.

our firbolg's father (he/him): A firbolg who lived by the code and was there when our firbolg was banished. Came to respect our firbolg's interest in a new way of life, in his final moments.

TOTAL: 72 NPCS! (well, including 2 extra PCs, i guess.)

Average: 2.88 NPCs per episode.

i was gonna not include the bone-PCs and have it be 69 but our firbolg's dad was just too important to not respect with a spot on the list.

anyway as always make sure to smack me with a blunt object if i forgot any characters!!!!!

#the adventure zone #taz #taz: graduation #taz g #sir fitzroy maplecourt #argonaut keene #taz firbolg #i dunno what else to tag this with #text post #keatposting

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calm-me-down-oh · 4 years

Note

How about all the questions ;)

skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!

When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf

Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk

How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow

What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj

Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.

What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk

Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!

Name a follower you have fucked. None..

What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway

FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are

Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)

Riding dick or doggy style? yes

Ever fucked in a school? Nope

Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds

Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe

Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd

Fuck on the first date? Depends

Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!

Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk

Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh

Do you like kissing? So much!!

Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd

Ever fucked in the shower? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet

Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours

Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust

Do you like high sex? Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk

FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any

When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think

How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks

Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me

You like sex toys? Sure

What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately

Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable

Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it

You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!

FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are

Describe your crush. Don’t have one!

Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok

Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj

Rate your sex. Awkward!

Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this

Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will

Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure

Into golden showers? Nope

Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under

How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good

Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good

Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming

What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc

Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!

Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me

How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick

How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don’t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it

How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex

Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!

Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it

Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....

Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe

Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex

Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange

Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..

Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex

Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs

Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg

Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.

Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho

How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk

Do you like your body? Nah

Ever sent nudes? Yep

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive

Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so

Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure

Would you have a foursome? Same as above

Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho

Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure

How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while

Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs

Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........

Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no

In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.

Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on

How often do you go commando? Never

Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope

Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance

After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,

Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf

Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope

Do you like dryhumping ? Sure

Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not

Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird

Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk

After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand

What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!

Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no

Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope

How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo

Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward

#god rip to my gf when every question i answer abt what its like having sex w me is just 'uh! awkward!'#Anonymous

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iamsonyeondone · 5 years

Text

red string of fate // lee taeyong

college and soulmate au! taeyong

there’s no angst in this just fluff ^^

everyone had their own red string of fate

one end tied to your pinky while the other end belonged to your soulmate

everything had been decided by that famous red string, each individual being presented with it when they reached of legal age

but no one knows where all this originated from or whoever made it up

all they knew was that the red string tied securely on their pinky will never untie, break or disappear

unless either partners went through certain circumstances

of course everyone fawned over this magical occurrence, it being the first topic that any human would speak of

it was always ‘red string’ this or ‘fate’ that

and it made you grow tired of it by the time you graduated from high school

and that annoyance that lingered whenever someone would mention it slowly turned into anger, fueled by the incessant questions that flood your thoughts and ears every day

‘you havent had a red string yet?” or the ‘arent you scared of being alone?’

the first time you heard those questions made you fidget with worry in the beginning

and you subconsciously comforted yourself with the idea that your fate would come to you when the time was right

no one can rush something such as being destined-to-be-soulmates

but the questions doubled over and you learnt how to selectively mute their words

but that was all in the pass

the moment you saw the red string appear on your pinky you went speechless for the entire day

you had no idea how to feel or how to react because after all these years, the pesky red string finally appeared before your eyes

you even tried cutting it with a pair of kitchen scissors

let’s just say you almost lost your life from flying kitchen equipment and that the red string remained unscathed

Once you got over the phenomenon, you called up your best friend to break the news to

but you were only met with the sound of the familiar beeping

yep he hung up the moment you told him the news

because in the next five minutes, you find yuta and johnny huffing and puffing on your doormat, sweat trickling down their skin

“its,,,time,,t,to,,celebrate” yuta managed a little smile before crawling into your apartment, welcoming the cool air of the ac

for the next few hours, the three of you ramble on about the new found miracle while they explained their own experience when they found out about their own path to their destined lover

“i really thought you would end up as a cat or dog lady,” johnny said in between bites, all of you deciding to have a pizza party as a celebration

“hEY, being a crazy cat lady aint that bad,,,wait now that you said about being a dog lady,,,”

“istg y/n you take care of yourself first before actually getting one. i mean look at you, you’re still wearing the same outfit from yesterday”

“SHUT IT NAKAMOTO SAVE WATER SAVE THE EARTH”

the next few weeks, you struggle trying to focus in your lectures, your gaze always focusing the vibrant red on your smallest finger

and you cant help but try to see if you could find ‘the one’ by looking for the owner of the other end of the string

you were intensely watching the crowd from inside the campus’s cafe, sipping on your drink while you looked for someone

but it was funny; you had no idea how this person looked or how they acted but somehow your heart is pounding in your ears just by the thought

but you were brought back to the present by the waiter, he looked pretty familiar

was he in one of your lectures?

maybe you bumped into each other at a party

“you’re y/n right? that guy in the corner bought you a muffin,” he smiled sweetly

you glanced back up at his name tag. ‘kun’? oH you saw him at the bar performing magic tricks when his group of friends joined yours

“oh y-yeah,, thanks kun,” you reciprocated his smile before turning your attention back on the man in question

you’ve never seen him before but you were sure to steer clear from the guy

he had this smug smirk plastered on his face, shooting a wink your way as you awkwardly glanced away

even after an hour or so, you could feel his eyes staring right through your skull

that was until johnny slides down on the seat opposite yours, breaking his stares

“that test nearly annihilated all my braincells,” he sighed and just as he was about to rant about the way the test was squeezing out all his brain juices, he takes a glimpse of you and his big brother ways rise up

“what’s up? something happened?” he asked in a reassuring but soft tone and the pressure on your shoulders lessen

“its nothing,,,” you trailed off, but his eyes nudged you to go on “there’s this sleazy creep trying to hit on me but you better not beat his ass. can we just,, can we just leave? i know a better spot anyway,” you mumbled everything in one breath

and johnny respected your decision albeit the strong urge to use his new found knowledge of muay thai on someone else

the both of you hurry out, johnny watching your back for you while the doorbell rang

“damn i didnt know sleazy douchebags go to cafes too,” johnny joked to lighten the mood while the both of you walked through campus, students littering the school with tired and panicked expressions

somehow the heavy feeling in your chest seemed to find comfort in the bottom of your heart

and the thumping of your loud heart blocked out whatever johnny was talking about

maybe something about his muay thai class with haechan? he did mention how much he enjoyed it. or was it about his project for the photography club?

you were so stuck in your thoughts that johnny had already stopped in his tracks while you continued walking through the groups of students

and suddenly the loud beating of your heart escalated to your fidgety fingers and your almost sure your cheeks are softly stained red

that is until you bump your head onto something

or someone

and when you try to profusely apologize for being unaware of the person’s presence

your jaw drops at the sight of someone so beautiful you thought he was fiction

did you get a concussion and now you were hallucinating things???

noPE because the next thing that happens is the slight tugging sensation on your finger and you look down to it in confusion

you wonder when the string became so short or how it no longer dragged on concrete pavements,,

or how you could see someone else being connected on the other end

and you traced the other finger to see the gorgeous man right in front of you

you were definitely dreaming because is it even possible to be paired with someone who’s so out of your league?

apparently your soulmate agrees

because he’s flabbergasted himself, mouth gaping and struggling to come up with words to greet himself

because the both of you were too preoccupied with each other, johnny had to intercept

wingman johnathan to the rescue

“hey whats up taeyong? havent seen you around school lately,” he chuckled, breaking you out of your thoughts

“wait,,, you know him? u-h i mean-”

“yeah he came to the photography club from time to time to help ten annnnd speaking of ten, he called me like a minute ago asking for some help. maybe you can replace me for today’s study date, taeyong,”

you managed to get a glance of johnny’s sly smile before he jogged off to one of the school buildings

which was definitely not the direction of the photography club

but you were stopped from staring into his soul by the sound of taeyong clearing his throat

“you dont mind if i uhm tag along right?” and you swoon at the sound of his voice

somehow your blush had already reached the tips of your ears and you nervously nodded your head in reply

“theres this place where me and my friends go to to study and its not that far. you dont mind the outdoors right?” you mumbled the question

taeyong managed a small smile which elicits a smile from yourself as well

the next few hours of studying in the school’s garden goes by in a flash

the both of you get immersed in each other’s thoughts and opinions and even though your personalities and your likes or dislikes clash with each other

it just seemed so perfect

maybe this string of fate was making you wear a pair of rose-tinted glasses

because you barely know this guy

and yet it felt like you’ve known him for years

days past and one study session turned into four and somehow your friend group extended as well

doyoung would drop by every once in a while and if it werent for taeyong’s presence, you would have definitely only see him as someone cold and overwhelming

or the fact that taeyong drops by the neighboring high school to see his ‘younger brothers’ because he had extra leftover from his cooking class

cue heart pounding, happy crying, loud screaming moment because he’s so husband material

sometimes they like to tease him because what??? we have 2 parents now??

and you can see him get so flustered over the statement because getting married to you sounds like a dream

and when taeyong officially asks you out and you very calmly say yes, it becomes the most talked about relationship on campus

he had already been the top three talked about topic in school but when someone spots him with you, holding hands through the hallway, the news spread like wildfire

and for a whole week, you get bombarded with questions from random strangers about how its like to date taeyong

and you cant really give an answer because you start blushing furiously at the question and you start stammering

and by the time you get a few words out, five minutes already passed the person who had asked you about it had already disappeared somewhere else

because what is it like to date lee taeyong?

aside from the fact that your boyfriend was sculpted carefully by the gods,,

he is one of the softest person you know

he feeds the cats and dogs on the street when you go out on dates because he has actual kibble for them in his bagpack because human food arent good for them he says

and the way he cuddles up to you when he sleeps over because the two of you cant seem to say farewell after a whole day out

taeyong is really sensitive to the cold so when autumn starts creeping up, he gets as close to you as possible which meant cuddling hours all day round

except in front of people because he’s too shy for pda

because one time he planted a soft kiss on your cheek at your apartment door and the old lady that lived a few doors down had seen the both of you and she talked about how she missed those days of being young in love

and he started malfunctioning because he became so embarrassed by it even though the old lady meant no harm at all

can we also talk about how much he spoils you? even the boys agree that he spoils you the most

chenle aka his biggest fan is jealous that you get to hear him hum you to sleep

“i know we adopted you as our parental figure but please stop stealing him from us, we’re starting to starve,” haechan complained

“oh really?? what about,, this” and you present the lunchboxes you and taeyong made because you decided to join him

like you’re really motivated to cook for him because he’s done so much for you??

now the boys just love you even more

because they know you’re not just after his looks especially since taeyong is really too kind for his own good

and what’s taeyong’s feelings for you?

he cant describe how much his feelings for you have escalated

because one moment he feels so comfortable with you, sleeping with his head on your lap while you attempt to read through your notes

and another moment his heart is beating so fast from being so close to you because the lift is crowded with people and he tries to shield you away from the others

and most of the time when you’re in full focused mode, he chuckles and his heart feels like there’s flowers blooming in his chest from the way your antics naturally show up

or the way he tries to wake up a few minutes earlier so he can bask in the moment with you in his arms while he brushes the stray strands of hair on your face

and its just,,, the purest form of love

“you dont look so good, have you been overworking yourself again?” you huff worriedly, pressing the back of your hand gently on his face while yours was just inches away from his

and he takes a moment to stare back into your eyes, a small smile growing on his lips

“am i sick? maybe that’s because all i think about is you,”

a/n: oh what im updating??? okay im just gonna say this first that this will not be happening regularly due to my schedule and i only try to write when im really inspired and motivated which is like every 6 months im so sorry but i hope you guys like this one and i’ll try my best in the future ❤

#lee taeyong #taeyong #nct #nct 127 #nct u #kpop #neo culture technology #scenario #imagine #writing #drabble #au #college au #kpop imagine #kpop scenario #kpop writing #soulmate au

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breanime · 5 years

Text

Heartworm (Part One)

Guess who got her internet baaccccck! This gal! So @songtoyou sent me this request and I IMMEDIATELY started getting ideas. This could be up to or past 5 parts, I don’t even know! It all depends if you guys like it and want more! This is kind of a soft re-imagining of season 2.

Request: How about instead of Billy going to his stupid psychiatrists place to seek refuge, he goes to the home of a girl who he was in a serious relationship with. Like, this girl is the only person Billy could ever see himself settling down with. However, once he got money, status, and power from Rawlins he pushed her to the side and eventually dropped her from his life. But once she sees the state Billy is in and how sad, scared and alone he is she wants to help him.

Part One is based on Halsey’s Without Me, particularly these lyrics:

Found you when your heart was broke I filled your cup until it overflowed Took it so far to keep you close (Keep you close) I was afraid to leave you on your own

I said I'd catch you if you fall And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (All) And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you can take advantage of me

*gif not mine* (I gotta stop using this gif lol)

You stood frozen in your living room, eyes glued on the TV. The news was saying that Billy, your Billy, was a murderous traitor and a danger to society. You watched as they showed footage of Billy’s apartment up in flames. They said he bombed it himself after killing a handful of Homeland Security agents, they also said that he hired mercenaries for his Anvil staff. The government seized his assets. He shot Curtis in the shoulder. He knew about Frank’s family. He set them up to be killed. Billy. Your Billy.

Except he wasn’t your Billy anymore; he hadn’t been your Billy for three years. You sat down on the couch, legs numb with shock, as you took in what the newscaster was saying about your ex-boyfriend, the only man you’ve ever loved. They flashed a picture of him on the screen. The caption read: “Armed and Dangerous, Do Not Approach”. The newscaster was saying something about Homeland and Frank going after Billy, but it was all starting to sound like white noise to you. Your mind said to get out of town and run until it was all over, but your heart wanted to reminisce, wanted to remind you why you even cared in the first place.

“…and I’m gonna have a Rolls Royce,” Billy said, one arm behind his head and the other wrapped around your waist, “I’m gonna drive it to meetings, rich assholes love a power play.”

You smiled up at Billy, you loved listening to his grand plans for the future. “Are you gonna be a pocket square kind of rich asshole or a ‘Maureen, hold my calls’ kind of rich asshole?”

“Mm,” Billy pulled you closer to his naked chest, “I’m gonna be a pocket square kind of asshole,” he answered, “that’s the best way to run a business.”

“Of course,” you agreed, snuggling up against him, “you’re gonna be a big shot. And I’m gonna have to make an appointment with Maureen just to see you.”

Billy tsked and put a finger on your chin, lifting your face so you were eye-to-eye. “That ain’t never gonna happen,” his dark eyes bore into yours, “I’ll always have time for you.”

You smiled and pressed your lips against his. You felt Billy’s arms tighten around you, lifting you up until you were laying on top of him. You kissed him again, slowly parting your lips, inviting his tongue into your waiting mouth. His eyes were heavy-lidded with lust when you pulled back. You rubbed your nose against his. “I love you.”

His smile made your chest heave with adoration. “I love you too, Y/N.” He kissed you again. “I promise I’m gonna make you proud one day, baby. I’m gonna get us outta this shit hole and out you somewhere nice, where you belong.”

You shrugged. Money and status meant a lot to Billy, meant success, but you were happy enough where you were. Yeah, your apartment was kind of small, and yeah, the heat stopped working every few months, but you’d lived in worst places. Besides, you had Billy. He made you so unbelievably happy; you could have lived in a cave—as long as Billy was with you, you’d be fine. “You know I’m already proud of you,” you told him, “You’ve accomplished so much already.”

“Mm,” Billy kissed the top of your head, “I can do more.” He kissed your nose. “I’m gonna get this security shit together.” He kissed your right eyelid. “I’m gonna get us a place uptown.” He kissed your left eyelid. “And I’m gonna make it so you don’t ever have to work again.” You sighed as he kissed your cheek next. “I ain’t gonna let anyone look down on us anymore.” He kissed your other cheek. “I’m gonna make you so happy, baby.” You felt yourself melt when he finally kissed you on the lips. “I’m gonna take care of us…

…I’m gonna take care of you.”

You turned the TV off, cradling the remote to your chest. You felt your breath getting shallower and casually recognized your erratic heartbeat. You didn’t know what to do. You believed the news—you weren’t sure about the details, but you knew Billy well enough to know that he would do anything for power. You had seen the change that money bought him firsthand, and you didn’t like it at all. You thought about calling Curtis, but you didn’t want to bother him. He was probably up to his neck in cops and paperwork and…Homeland Security, apparently. You wondered how it came to this. Frank was alive. Billy was a wanted man. Curtis was wounded. And you…were alone.

You spent the night on the couch, too numb and confused to get up. You dreamt of Billy and woke up shivering. You got up and made yourself a cup of coffee. Your phone was on the counter, and you frowned as you picked it up. You had missed calls from your mom, your best friend, your boss, and your sister. You had no desire to speak to any of them. You also had a call and voicemail message from an unknown number. Hitting the speaker button, you played the message.

“You’re gonna hear some things on the news.” Billy. “They’re true. I…I did all those things they say I have. By the time you get this message, I’m either gonna be on the run or dead.” It sounded like he took a breath before continuing. “I wanted to see you before I go, but…that’s not gonna happen. So just… Just know that I…” A sigh. “…I think about you all the time. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, a lot of bad choices, done a lot of shitty things, but… I only regret one thing: letting you go. I wish… I should have fought for you more. I should have…” There was some shuffling, and you thought Billy might have put the phone down for a moment. “Listen, they’re gonna say a lot of things about me, and people are gonna try to tell you that I’m heartless and evil, but I want you to remember…You loved me once. You’re the only one I could ever be honest with, the only person in this world who knows who I am. Just… Remember that. And… I’m sorry, Y/N. Goodbye.”

You stood in your kitchen and listened to Billy’s message for at least another 30 minutes. By the time you went back to the couch and turned the TV on, Billy was pronounced near-death and was being kept under constant surveillance at the hospital. Frank Castle was said to be ‘in the wind’ and Anvil was being torn down and all the profits split up. The news interviewed a medical professional about the chances of Billy making any kind of recovery. They predicted he would be dead in six months.

You turned the TV off and wept.

It had been nearly a year since everything went down with Billy. The coverage for Billy’s case had pretty much stopped after a month, and people were onto the next scandal now. Curtis had stopped by your place and told you that Frank left town. The visit had been brief, but he told you what Billy had done—confirming what you’d heard on the news—and said that his orders had come from someone named Rawlins. Rawlins, you understood, was dead. Curtis had word from Frank to tell you that he had been given a new identity by the government and was going to hit the road for a while. When you asked why he’d want you to know that, Curtis had just said: “you needed to know it was over”. You should have felt anger, or pity or sadness but… you felt nothing. You had been operating on auto-pilot, swimming in a thick fog of numbness, since Billy had been arrested. The last thing you could remember feeling, really feeling, was a deep and intense sorrow when you listened to Billy’s message. He had broken your heart, left you, and then revealed himself to be a monster and you…You were just tired.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Y/N,” Billy’s back was to you. You had barged into his office at Anvil, demanding to see him, but now that you were there… The way he was talking to you was cold and detached. His stance was rigid, his focus was on the recruits below him, not on you. This Billy—CEO Billy—was not what you had signed up for.

“I want you to say you’re sorry,” you said, “I want you to say you care.” Billy didn’t say anything. You clenched your fists. “Look at me, Billy.”

He turned. He was wearing an expensive three-piece suit and his hair was impeccably cut. His eyes, the eyes you loved, the eyes that looked at you with such care and affection, were hollow.

“What happened to you?” You asked, looking him up and down with disgust. “You never come home, you barely spend any time with me—”

“What do you want, Y/N?” He said, irritation clear in his voice. “I’m busy. I’m working. I’m trying to afford the penthouse we live in and the car you drive.”

“I bought my own car,” you reminded him, eyes narrowed as you glared at him, “And I work, too, but I make time for the people I love.”

Billy sighed, rolling his shoulders. “I told you, you don’t have to work.”

You sighed then. He was missing the point. “Billy,” you tried again, “I’m tired of this. I can’t keep being an afterthought for you. I need you.” You tried to look in his eyes, but he avoided your gaze. “I miss you.”

Billy walked over to you and put a hand on your waist. He pulled you towards him and kissed you. “I miss you, too,” his voice was husky as he moved his lips to your neck, “I know I’ve been working a lot lately, but we’re so close…”

You closed your eyes. You wanted to have a conversation, but it was hard to think of words—let alone form any—with his mouth on your skin. “Will you come home tonight?” You asked, breath short and voice heavy with lust.

“Mm hmm,” his hand slid to your ass as he kissed you again, “I’m gonna be all yours tonight.” He licked into your mouth and smiled when you moaned.

You felt his hardness pressing against your front and you deepened the kiss. “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” you whispered.

Billy chuckled and released you from his grip. You glared as you watched him walk over to his desk. He pressed a button on his phone and leaned over to speak. “Hold all my calls,” he ordered, smirking over at you, “I don’t want any calls or interruptions for the next hour.” He walked past you and you heard him lock the door behind you. His eyes were gleaming when he turned back to you and he looked like himself, like your Billy, again. His smile made your heart skip a beat. “Take your clothes off, baby. I want to spend some time with you.”

You sat up with a start. It had been months since you’d last dreamt of Billy. You looked around you and cursed under your breath. You had fallen asleep on the couch. No wonder you were off. You hadn’t been able to have a full night’s rest without sleep aids since…since Billy had left that message on your phone. If you didn’t take a pill before you went to bed, you would dream about Billy. You didn’t want to dream about him, you wanted to ignore the ache in your chest and the emptiness in your life and just… Get over it. Get over him. You felt a headache coming on, so you shuffled to the bathroom for a quick shower before bed.

Your mind kept going back to Billy as you got ready for bed; you remembered the strain in his voice in the message he left you, how he used to laugh when you stuck your cold feet on his back, the way he stared down at you as he shifted inside you, driving you wild. You could see his eyes, dark and expressive and so full of love when he looked at you, every time you closed your eyes. You gave up on sleep and went back to the couch, deciding to just spend the night watching horrible night time TV until you could get Billy out of your head.

You were finally getting into the Real Housewives marathon you had been watching when you heard a knock on your door. You glanced at your phone: it was 11 pm. Who the hell would be at your door at this time? You grabbed your phone in case you needed to call the police and stood on your tip-toes to look into the peephole. Your mouth fell open at the same time your phone hit the floor with a dull thump.

Billy Russo was standing in the hallway of your apartment. And he was covered in blood.

*************************************************************************************

I have the next two parts locked and loaded! Pleaaase comment and let me know if you want the rest. The more feedback I get, the more I update! Thanks for reading, and may Billian be with you.

BTW, I got the title from this “emotion that’s hard to describe word”: Heartworm: a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

TAGLIST: @delicatelilyflower @doneobrien @ladyblablabla @banditthewriter @something-tofightfor @starsfragments @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @hisgirlwednesdayaddams@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta @sadnessxvodka @ymariejp @sunnycolors @moonlightsay @its-all-o-kay @damagelove @keyeluh @itsmylife98 @funerals-with-cake @littlemermaidprobz @teacuplotus @king4thesirens @mrsjaxtellerfan @thebabblingbook @tartelette-aux-fraises @madamrogers @charlylama @iaintnofurry @k-buggz2001 @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix @elanor-of-imladris @floralpeaceofmind

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #the punisher #heartworm

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thegeminisage · 5 years

Text

alright im about to watch 5.03 of merlin for the 2nd time ever

because if i dont do it now i may NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE

but first i wanna get out of the way that i thought merlin convincing arthur to keep the ban on magic in 5.05 because he was trying to thwart ~*~destiny~*~ or whatever is the laziest writing ever, it’s unsatisfying for the audience, it renders the rest of the last season utterly pointless, it’s unfair to merlin and arthur, and the tonal shift of the show from farting trolls in season 2 to full greek tragedy in season 5 was completely unwarranted and i feel TRICKED as a human person because i expected the end to be bittersweet and make me sad, not table-flipping angry, and i do not at all have high hopes for the finale

but i can ignore something having a “bad last five minutes” i did it for life is strange and final fantasy 13-2 i will do it for merlin but honestly

speaking on 5.03, after it was over the first time i was like “i can never write my fanfic now because nothing i ever do will be as good as that” but i’m really relieved in that way that that was apparently the last good episode of merlin because now i can continue my work in peace and maybe hopefully even actually finish it

okay commence the liveblog:

love that arthur and merlin are down to just jump off their horses whenever random women start screaming in the distance. season 5 could have been so good, they’re so much more grown up and in sync with one another, i absolutely LOVE their #vibe

it was interesting to me also that arthur DEMANDED a fair trial for this woman despite her being accused of sorcery. god, he was SO CLOSE?? that hatred of magic just can’t really take root in him especially with uther gone...arthur may be an asshole in the early seasons, and he may be quick to anger and quick to lash out in that anger, but it’s just not in him to be cruel, especially needlessly

EVEN THIS LADY IS LIKE “u showed kindness and compassion” arthur is a Good Boy deep down he is he IS he didn’t care a bit about that horn she gave him but still politely said it was beautiful

although lmao the way his face changed when she said it was magic...that’s the STUFF

lowkey losing it at athony head in the credits. i was looking to see if he’d be in the s5 ones since he’s dead and didn’t see him in 5.01 or 5.02 so when i DID see him in 5.03 i was like haha no way did they pay to put him in here i guess i just missed him the first couple of times BUT I WAS WRONG

like, in buffy, they spend an entire episode trying to decide whether or not to necromance their mom or whatever and she doesnt actually APPEAR IN THE EP they never SEE her i thought this would be an episode ABOUT uther i didn’t think uther would be IN it

love that from the get-go arthur’s face screams “i am thinking about making a terrible mistake” and merlin’s face is like “he is thinking about making a terrible mistake”

i’m quite proud of merlin in s5 actually. bad writing aside he uses multiple braincells many times per episode. it’s a vast improvement. same energy as clary from shadowhunters right down to getting shafted in his final season

ive said it before and ill say it again gwen looks SOOO GOOOOD as queen

if this is the anniversary of uther’s death then (if you go by 1 season = 1 year) arthur just turned 30...it’s been nine years and change since merlin met him, and by the end of season 5 it will have been an entire decade

in an otherwise increddibly heavy episode arthur panicking and throwing all the apples out of the bowl so he could cover the horn with it is absolutely priceless. season 5 if nothing else has really hammered home for me what a TERRIBLE liar arthur is - merlin got good at it fast out of necessity but arthur can’t hold a poker face to save his LIFE. “leave it.” “why??” “because i’m telling you to and i’m the king of camelot” buddy......

we were ROBBED. if there had ever been a day where arthur came to accept merlin’s magic but still had to help merlin hide it there could have been an entire episode of arthur nearly blowing merlin’s cover because he’s a nervous nelly and at the end he goes “i cant believe you have had to do this 24/7 for YEARS without a single friend to help you” and merlin goes “well now i have you” anyway.

i love also that repeatedly when arthur goes to do something scary by himself he also brings merlin. they LITERALLY are two halves of a whole

“you’re threatening me with a spoon??” i can’t tell you about the unfortunate fanfics i have seen involving The Spoon. i shall also not mention the ones involving The Glove. we will not speak of it

I CANNOT BELIEVE STONEHENGE IS IIN MERLIN. i got so agitated i did not pay one bit of attention to the conversation following its reveal and me and cathy and had to rewind so i could listen properly

my hate-on for stonehenge goes thusly: stonehenge apocalypse, starring misha collins, is @callowyn‘s favorite movie. i have seen it 45 times. i hate it nearly as much as she loves it. it’s an age-old battle

merlin is so intense when he looks for signs in arthur that he DOESN’T totally hate magic...arthur using magic to see his dad again is one of those signs. he’s willing to turn to it in desperation - maybe he’d be willing in less desperate times too

“my father was taken from me before his time” i mean...he was practically in a coma. so like. he wasn’t

love that when arthur mentions merlins dad ONCE he immediately looks like he’s about to cry. mood. i also want to cry every time i think about merlins dad

up until the moment i laid eyes on uther i was SURE they werent actually gonna do it. i came into this thinking it was a FLASHBACK EP

for the record (and believe me i NEVER thought i’d say this) even though i waited and waited for his demise and cheered when he was gona for good...i really missed uther in season 4. at least with uther you know what you’re getting. agravaine (his replacement as “evil guy who keeps us from being able to solve our problems too easily”) was a slimy cowardly CREEP. and in season 5 i WISH things were as simple as “work around uther’s pigheaded unreasonableness”

for a hot second i really thought uther and arthur would have a nice conversation where they reconciled or said something heartwarming. i was worried about an uther redemption arc - this guy is responsible for the genocide of magic users, he doesn’t deserve redemption - but this show said NOT TODAY and they said it QUICK

ARE

BLESSED

i have A LOT of issues with season 5 but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS WAS DADDY ISSUES 2.0 BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD

repressed trauma returns: harder better faster stronger!! that’s the STUFF

was i not just speaking the other day on my fanfic ask meme about how i love emotionally intense stuff? this is IT babey

uther’s such a bad father! he’s with his only child again for the last time in ever and all he does is tear him a new one! this is why arthur’s such a fucked-up human being (morgana too)

i’m THRILLED we got to revisit this. his eyes get bigger and bigger and he starts fucking stammering and by the time uther’s done calling him weak and a failure he looks ready to CRY. i was HOLLERING. i still couldnt believe uther was even HERE and not only is he HERE he’s a WRECKING BALL

“this CAN’T be the last time i’ll ever see you” oh buddy you’re gonna wish it was

and he looks back, as he leaves. of COURSE he does. just like lot’s wife. so it goes.

you know how at the end of every supernatural episode sam and dean debrief and talk about their feelings in the car? for merlin and arthur it’s almost always done around a campfire at night - sometimes in arthur’s chambers or other places, but usually out here in the wilderness where it’s just the two of them. i’m...really going to miss it, when it’s gone.

“my father doesn’t approve of the way i’ve chosen to rule his kingdom” “you mean YOUR kingdom”

you know i don’t think i really got...like, fundamentally, on a deep level...that merlin fucking HATES uther

i’ve seen him save uther’s miserable life so many fucking times that i thought for merlin it was kind of the way it was with gwen - he feels nothing for him, but he looks after him for arthur’s sake (or as i came to understand later because he’s professor x about the whole thing)

but the way his expression got SO UGLY when arthur revealed that uther just shit-talked him the entire time...holy fuck

between that & some other stuff that happens later it really paints a clearer picture of like...uther’s dead so merlin doesn't have to hold back anymore and he FUCKING HATES HIM?? like obviously he SHOULD bu i just never SAW it before this. merlin LOATHES him. it’s INCREDIBLE to witness when he bore it so silently for so long. maybe even merlin didn’t realize just how much he hated him until now

and not to get too real here but if youve ever been friends with someone who had an abusive/toxic parent or was in an abusive/toxic relationship and you watch them feeling like shit after and they start making excuses for that asshole like “oh yeah he’s right about x” and you just want to find this horrible person and THROTTLE THEM that emotion is like ALL OVER merlin’s face rn. i didn’t actually seriously "”ship”” merlin and arthur until late season 4/early season 5 (i didnt like dislike it i just wasnt actively bothered by a lack of it) and what changed was this vibe. merlin wants to kill uther all over again just because he made arthur feel this way. he’s so fuckijng PROTECTIVE

and he still almost manages to drag a smile out of him via roasting, god bless these 2

ok so i didnt believe this show would actually DO THAT re: putting uther himself in this ep but i was doubly shocked by the fact that he HITCHED A RIDE AND GOT OUT

me shrieking during this entire poltergeist sequence: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY HIM?? HOLY FUCK HE IS LITERALLY HAUNTING ARTHUR I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE GIVING US THIS etc etc etc

actually most of that was probably muffled nonsense because i was yelling with both hands over my mouth

percival’s the realest motherfucker on this whole show. dude survives a murder attempt in which he got an AXE lobbed at him by the fucking GHOST of a power-mad genocidal king and he’s like: yeah idk i guess it fell

there was thunder in the bg for this WHOLE ep and i’m Big into it

absolutely CACKLING at the bit where merlin has to ask arthur if he looked back at uther’s spirit. it’s one of those nice big heavy questions - so heavy, in fact, that arthur can’t answer, can’t even LOOK at merlin, either because he’s ashamed or because he’s bugging out or both. you thought this shit was over? it’s never over! daddy issues are a lifelong ride, pal! arthur’s just get to haunt him literally this time. god it’s so fucking good

can i just say? merlin reads that damning silence reeeal well. and it’s a big, heavy thing to know about arthur - but then again he knows all the big heavy things about arthur

the score for this episode is really good too...very suspenseful and good, adds a lot to the atmosphere, keeps it from getting too slow

there’s a hint of merlin’s absolute HATRED of uther in this conversation again - the way his face tightens when he says “uther would do anything to protect his legacy and that makes him dangerous, who knows what he’s capable of now”

and arthur dismisses him because he can’t hear this but merlin almost refuses to leave - and when he DOES leave, he doesn’t take his eyes off arthur for one fucking second. he stares him down all the way out of the room. i don’t think it’s because he’s angry with arthur, per se - he’s angry with uther, and he knows uther in a way arthur never can or will, as someone ruthless who will kill without warning or remorse. he’s afraid of uther and he’s trying to get arthur to be afraid of uther too before it’s too late and LSDKFJGHSLDFJH

if you’re thinking “thats a lot to interpret from one look” yes it is but i’m right. IT’S A BIG, HEAVY LOOK. NICE AND LOADED. love unpacking all of that

i cant believe this dude tried to KILL GWEN like he really is coming after everything that makes arthur happy. im so glad it was merlin that saved her. i really do think merlin is her best friend

multiple times in this serious arthur fidgets when he’s nervous or thinking, usually with his hands near his mouth. i am endeared to him. my poor boy

“i always knew my father could be cruel but why would he do this to gwen when he knows i love her” BECAUSE HE’S CRUEL

merlin knows. merlin knows his cruelty much better than arthur. boy does he know. i’m dying. it’s fine

love that at this part of the ep we slide seamlessly into the “merlin and arthur are both scared shitless” section which was truly one of my favorite things about the s4 opener. they’re both so fucking jumpy and giving each other shit about being frightened and continuing to be frightened anyway. the DELICIOUS IRONY of arthur finally being scared of uther in the way merlin has been scared of uther for Y E A R S oh my god it’s so GOOD

do also love the entire silent conversation they have when deciding what to do about the door. this is what i mean by their upgraded vibe.l in the early seasons merlin wouldn’t have understood and his lack of understanding would have been played for laughs. now they’re totally in sync

here’s the thing, gaius could have made this magic “able to see uther’s ghost” potion for just arthur and he didn’t. he made it for both of them. everything arthur does merlin does. they’re partners in all things. they’re COMPANIONS. and this is why i finally now Ship It. tragic.

you know this is a kind of weird comparison but late seasons arthur reminds me JUST a bit of gwaine. he complains so much less that he sort of has that same “roll with whatever” vibe to him. pretend to faint so you can steal some guy’s dagger? why not. take this foul potion that may kill us? sure, let’s do it. come what may he’s not really fussed. much more unflappable

until he starts getting spooked again LMFAO

we do love a good pair of spooked dumbasses. this is charming and entertaining.

leon HAD to know they were lying about poetry. he probably thought they were having.......a tryst,

love also that even in this very dire moment merlin does NOT miss the chance to have some fun at arthur’s expense. that’s true friendship

i got jumpscared three separate times during this ep and one of them was when uther was glaring down merlin and arthur in the hallway after leon left

arthur didn’t jump but he did go hunting after him and to his credit he does not look scared. he looks like a man who is trying to deal with his business and get his shit together

merlin made that FACE again when arthur expressed sadness at hunting his own father because all he ever wanted to DO was make him proud

honestly it’s like since he can’t shit-talk uther he just sings arthur’s praises instead like this here is a guy who is just barely holding his tongue about how fuckin pissed he is. i cant believe it

splitting up was the WORST idea. have they not seen scooby doo??

love that when merlin gets cornered by uther’s ghost and gets scared he yells for arthur and when arthur gets scared because his torch blows out he yells for merlin. you fools, why did you SPLIT UP

uther locks arthur in the room with him, which is already some top tier content, but doubly good? it’s the same room in which arthur nearly ran him through in 2.08. don’t think i didn’t notice. i did notice. i was shrieking into my hands.

seriously this is a pretty calm liveblog but the first time i watched this ep my face was like this the whole time: O O

just kept going “HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” over and over. it was greeat

“arthur your fatal flaw is that you put too much trust in other people” do you think arthur, who now has a complex about people betraying him, ever forgot that for one second in his entire life afterward? me neither

speaking of 2.08 arthur dropped some FACTS “your hatred comes from fear” i'm sure they didn’t do it on purpose but #throwbacks

i’m fully experiencing human emotion. “i’m not you, i can’t rule like you did” he’s trying SO HARD to fight his way out of that bullshit

also lmao arthur like “then you’ll have to kill me” and uther like “yeah okay” arthur didn’t KNOW how this man was this could have been SUCH a good awakening

AND NOW IT’S TIME

FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EPISODE

when i say merlin hates uther. WHEN I SAY MERLIN H A T E S UTHER

HIS LINE HERE. ok. “get away from him, uther. you’ve caused enough harm” he’s furious! he’s GROWLING!

“you are just a serving boy” “i am much more than that” listen. human words cannot express the emotion that ran through me. when they said “we’re gonna bring back anthony head as uther” i doubted. when they said “he’s gonna be the bad guy and reopen all of arthur’s old wounds” i doubted. when they said “he’s still here LITERALLY haunting arthur who now has to HUNT HIM” I DOUBTED. i didn’t believe they’d do any of it until it was happening on my screen. but ONE LOOK at merlins face made a MOTHERFUCKING BELIEVER out of me. i knew exactly what he was about to do. pretty sure i gasped “NO” in astonishment

AND HE DID THAT

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

NOT ONLY. DID I SHRIEK ALOUD. FULL SCREAM. WHEN IT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME. BUT JUST NOW. WHEN I WATCHED HIM DO IT AGAIN. MORE SCREAMING.

how LONG do you think merlin had ACHED to do that

to show himself to uther for what he was, what he REALLY WAS, someone to be reckoned with instead of someone to be overlookedd, without fear of consequences

i can’t even like

like just imagine the triple rush of 1. satisfaction 2. rage 3. lingering habitual terror

i think at this moment merlin was closer to and more like morgana than he had ever been and maybe ever will be again. because the two of them have so much in common but one thing i didn’t really clock until now is how much they both hate uther

it’s so good. uther is SHOCKED and DISMAYED and this is like merlin’s old fear come back from death too (getting found out by uther) while at the same time being a dream come true (getting to tell uther what he really thinks, who he really is - “i was BORN with it!”) he’s so ANGRY! he is LIVID!)

he’s also really SATISFIED like “even while you were king there was magic at the heart of camelot” GOD how long has he been WAITING for this and not even realized it

and like then uther starts spewing his hateful bullshit and stalking forward with the intent to kill and my guy merlin who should be terrified STANDS HIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUND and says right over him “you’re wrong, you’re wrong” for thirty beautiful seconds merlin really got to be free. i know i will keep comparing things to 2.08 until i die but it’s just like when arthur was almost ready to kill uther in cold blood because for one perfect, brilliant moment he really and truly saw clearly the world as it was. i really love these moments...the strength of their respective convictions is so gratifying

merlin yeeting uther through a door is also gratifying although i have no idea what he hoped to accomplish by following without waking arthur first

i. LOVE. that the camera lingered a little on the spears or whatever after merlin walked by them. nice little foreshadowing moment

THOSE SPEARS GOT AWFULLY CLOSE BUT IM PRETTY SURE UTHER MISSED ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS TIME. HIS MISTAKE

okay merlin spent the better part of a lifetime dreading uther’s death sentence and here’s uther stalking down a hallway sword pointed at his chest and certain death is IMMINENT and what does merlin’s face look like?

arthur comes in with the rescue and INSTANTLY his expression changes to?

IT’S BETTER IN MOTION BUT HE LOOKS READY TO CRY

my immediate thought: oh jesus what if uther outs him

i knew he wouldnt bc of spoilers but i would bet a benjamin that that was merlin’s first thought too

tbh. i wish he had.

i kind of wonder if merlin doesn’t wish the same thing. like yes being outed like that is terribly violating and he’s terrified of telling arthur obviously or he would have already but at the same time there would be so much relief once it was finally out. no more secret-keeping. no more burden

i mean, if you go back and watch it, dude’s straight up shaking. he’s trembling all over. he’s losing it. that last teary glance they exchanged.......

uther was two SYLLABLES away from blowing the whole thing

and in a better happier canon where arthur knows and was waiting for merlin to tell him this is like double angst because uther wouldve ben blowing something for them both

i like arthurs followup of realizing that he’ll never be able to please uther (step 1 of breaking away from the cycle of abuse) but for the LIFE OF ME

i will NEVER be able to understand why they segued into this GLOVE THING

i’m not talking about the glove thing

i will say however that by the end of this episode i was so hysterical i had to get up and get water and pace around my kitchen for ten minutes fanning my own face

and that’s it. that’s the second-best episode of merlin and the last good episode there ever was

#personal #merlin blogging #it took me three and a half hours to rewatch this episode because i kept pausing to scream #MERLIN DESERVES TO BE OUT TO EVERYONE ALL THE TIME it's not FAIR #that episode deserved to be 20 minutes longer it ended too soon #in a happier world arthur found out about the magic and immediately took merlin's side and defended him against the genocidal maniac but app #apparently this show is a greek tragedy now

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mirror-hero-mira-blog · 5 years

Text

My Story

This will be mildly depressing but its my story and why i am how i am and all ive gone through it twenty short years

So I will be twenty soon and people keep wondering and asking or praising me for surviving trauma. I’ve decided to explain in full and un censored detail my process, what i went through, my thoughts during it, the effects and how it left me. There are mentions of abuse, sexual assault, depression, domestic violence, suicide, and very dark thoughts so be warned. My memory is also unreliable as i am never sure what is real and what is not before the age of thirteen so im doing my best to recall everything in order, ages wont be exact as i try to repress and just out right can recall them.

My trauma started roughly when i was 7-9. I recall laying in bed and hearing my parents violently shout at one another, about what i cant recall, and crying because i was afraid of an unknown danger. I remember a rift being made in my house, me being lashed out at, and my mother rarely being around the house. Now before i go further i was a shy child who had little friends, i have one younger brother who is two years younger than I, most of my days, or what i can recall, was in my room reading and later playing on my ds once i got one while rarely going outside to play aka catching frogs and bugs. i dont recall much from when it started, i was a smart kid so i think i knew something was wrong but wasnt emotionally or mentally ready to deal with it.

Now, i was a big daddys girl but i also loved my mom dearly because well shes my mom. One of my clearest memories from this when i realized it wasnt right was my mom showing up to the house and me being so excited since i hadnt seen her in so long i let her in, she hugged me and my father instantly yelled at me and scolded me. i think the next thing was me being sent to my room but thats where it ends. i remember feeling so confused because shes my mom why cant she be home? why shouldnt she be allowed inside? why cant i be happy to see her? thats the last clear memory besides us getting kicked out of that house due to rent not getting paid.

I remember my mom trying to keep calm and smile and she told me “we have to keep stuff packed because we will be moving soon and need to be organized”. Looking back im really happy she tried to keep little me happy and from knowing.She may not have been the best mom but she certainly loved me then as well as my brother. When we were kicked out i recall my dad not being as in a rush as my mom, he seemed tired and to say flat out like he couldnt care less. I was packed up with a few of my things, the rest in a storage unit including my entire child hood, and moved to a different state.

Me, my family and our dog were moved in with my mothers mom who was by far not the best but i couldnt do much as i was maybe 11-13? I remember her blaming my father for things he didnt do, i remember yelling and violent arguing between my father and my moms boyfriend (my mother and father had separated if you couldnt guess), my mom in the middle yelling at them to not do it infront of the kids. Eventually we moved from there after my grandmother had called the police on them for some reason (i recall it just being a warning or something nothing serious). My mom had broken up with her boyfriend and moved with us, i shared a room with her and my brother shared a room with my father, at this point we had our original dog and 3 dog sisters who we loved dearly (we being me, my mom, and brother). i remember starting to feel what i would come to realize was the beginning of my depression as well as my anxiety, that i had since i was little, beginning to get much worse. I was bullied harshly during this time and barely got by in most of my glasses because of what happened in that house.

i dont know how long i lived in that house but it wasnt incredibly long, 2 years maybe? i know it was half of middle school there with a year or so at my grandmothers. The first little while was calm, i hardly remember much from when we moved in so im assuming it was. I recall playing wii with my mom and watching tv siting of the floor eating pizza, followed by me and my brother playing the wii version of sims ( i recall him learning how to beat the rng and us never playing again). My next clearest memory is more yelling and banging. Violence. Now i wasnt a stupid kid and was much more brazen than i am now, i was a child genius who could quickly deduce what was wrong. I would get into the arguments, stand between my mom and dad to keep him from hitting her, yell that i wouldnt move or let him touch her. yell at him so much my throat hurt. One of my most clear memories is my mom yelling at me to call the police and as i dialed she came in and locked the door telling me to just not. i checked if she was okay and recall hugging her and just siting there afraid not fully being able to understand.

At some point my dad had enough of me and my mom and threw us out of the house, throwing our things as we sat on the bed of her truck, even throwing our two of the 3 dog sisters at us while we waited for the police, now what happened after this makes me realize just how manipulated and emotionally abused i was. My dad convinced me to come home, leaving my mom at my grandmothers. he convinced me my mom was evil and manipulated me using the state i was in to take me from my mom. he talked badly about my mom constantly and eventually his girlfriend moved in. his girlfriend was as bad as him and i recall feeling unwanted. i have a scar on my arm that makes me recall how brazen and unafraid i was at times. The scar was breaking up a fight her dog had started, it attacked my dog sister and she told me to stay out of it as my dog probably started it, i got in the middle picked up her dog, it scratching me deeply across my upper arm and shoved it into her chest. i picked up my dog and took her to my room. i was still bullied during this time, faced the manipulation at home, and started becoming suicidal.

Now this next part is something im not proud of but shows just how far i was into this manipulation and how far i came. My father kid napped me. Him and his girlfriend decided they wanted to move back to her two daughters and away from my mom. my brother was apprehensive but i was a mindless puppet so i did as told as thats what i was raised to do. we packed up in a 48 hour period, me not sleeping for that entire period and were getting ready to leave. i had this large white monkey i had since i was little, it towered over me and i loved it, his name was marvin. i mentioned why we werent bringing him and that we had to because he was our family and even got a bit teary eyed over it my dad said “if you want it that bad we can leave you and dakota (my dog sister) and you can sit on your ass until your mom swings her ass around to get you”, that terrified me so i reluctantly agreed and was taken to a completely different state yet again with the question of “why would he leave me”. i recall not enjoying my time there and my father limiting my mom talking to me so much i dont really recall much more that a phone call, i was kept out of school for a while until one day police came and told them my mom was taking us back. i left with barely any of my childhood possessions yet again with my dad treating it as her taking us by force, i said goodbye to my dogs and promised i would see them again, i never did and never will.

the trip back i screamed, argued and fought my mom and not yet step father. my dad manipulated me well i guess. i calmed down when we got back to my now home state and got the last dog sister ginny, my mom asked my grandmother to watch her, and headed to my moms home. i had trouble suddenly adapting to a some what better environment where i wasnt treated like a mindless child. i was so damaged and i dont think they knew to the extent.

In these years i was verbally abused by my mom, step father, and brother but they were so much better than my dad despite it. i was reaching my peak depression and had attempted to commit suicide by this point but had failed. at some point i recall them “cleaning” my room, as due to losing nearly everything i owned i clung to things, and burning what they deemed trash it made me have a break down because well just look at what had happened previously to things i owned. in that period i was locked out in the cold, verbally and emotionally abused, treated like i was a piece of shit and that i was worthless and i believed that for so long. my brother had hit me a few times and even started encouraging my suicidal mind set, my parents (which will not be my mother and step father) said it was just him being my brother. Due to my previous trauma i was desperate for friends and to be liked and it have social interactions it led me into some very very toxic friendships and relationships. i had someone who stole my phone and said she just wanted to see what my number was, but had texted my mother iw as stay for a study session when i wasnt. i got home and was brutally yelled at for lying and they yelled the entire time while forcing me to give them all my passwords then calling me out for lying when i gave them the wrong email password by mistake. in the following time period they would check everything i owned, i had to privacy or sense of self. even to this day i hate people touching and looking at my stuff, im still so paranoid ill get in trouble for something. during this time is also when i was first sexually assaulted.

Yes that said first as it happened twice. they both abused my prior trauma that made me a selective mute that disassociates when in stressful situations. i wont go in depth but even years later i couldnt be in the same room with the first without being sick to my stomach. the second was into my junior year of highschool. between that time and the first i was emotionally manipulated, attempted suicide again and failed, became even more depressed and suicidal, and developed more toxic friendships that i now realize only hurt me as they playfully bullied me and only one of that group, who never did, remains my friend or well my best friend as she stayed by me despite not knowing any of my past. i was manipulated into entering a long distance fwb relationship that ruined a good friendship but also helped make me more stubborn towards people who tried to do that. the verbal abuse still happened during this time and my brother got to the point of doing it the worse. my junior sexual assault ended with us breaking up mutually but him getting such a hate towards me that he tried to ruin my life by turning any “friend” against me and brutally harassing me until a girl i respect so much stood up for me, shes getting married and im excited for her and happy i met her despite us not talking. half way through my junior year i began to realize how bad the people i was around most of the time were for me, so i stopped hangin out with them and started selectively being around people who engaged me in conversation and who actually included me. i was still struggling through the tail end of my suicidal spell and my awful depression as well as ptsd, having nightly flashbacks that often left my crying and having break downs where i just hated myself so much and hated that i couldnt be normal and happy and not annoy my friends with this shit, it caused me to never talk about it and it made it so worse going through it all alone with only my fucked mental state.

my senior year i gained some self confidence and started accepting myself. midway through i had a bad relapse and nearly succeed in killing myself but managed to yell at myself to not as i was holding a handful of pills to my mouth, not even an inch from it. that was my last attempt.

i struggled still, had relapses, fought with my own head without anyone knowing as it told me they didnt care and i was a burden so i should deal with it by myself as no one deserved that. i hated when who i told felt so bad for me and wished it hadnt happened because it happened and i cant change that no one can and i dont like being seen as sorry and weak.

over the years until now i tried endlessly and hard to build my self back up and gain some sense of self and try to begin my recovery.

i still relapse, i still think about killing myself, i still have massive anxiety and panic attacks. but im alive and i survived.

I count the days between relapses, it happens left often. Im covered in scars but no one can see the ones i purposefully caused anymore. I hurt and ach and want to be cared for and want to be loved and have people around me who care for me and who value me. Im working on building myself a supportive circle of friends and trying to become as stable as i can be with what i have.

My family says i dont need therapy and refuse to try to help me get it so when i move out its my first priority, i have ever lasting mental scars from my trauma that wont ever go away but im slowly learning to live with it and becoming proud of who i am.

something i forgot to mention is yes i was hit as a child. to this day i freak out and panic and will throw myself to the ground if it appears someone is about to hit me. i cant hand yelling or loud noises, im afraid of people and crowds, i have trust issues, i speech impediment, things i cant do because of the scars of my trauma.

now you may be asking how im alive? why i still keep living? how i got through this alone? honestly i cant answer the last one because i dont even know, but the first two i can roughly explain.

i didnt ever kill my self because right before i would i developed a concept of proving people wrong, that i belonged in this world as i had already survived nearly dying at 5 due to an allergic reaction. then as i got older i made the deal that if i made it to 18 that would be enough, im turning 20 soon. Now a days i have people and things to live for. When i think of killing my self i think of my friends L and M (not real names of course), i think of my dogs, my guinea pigs, my dreams, my goals, all the things i want to do. Ive become a role model to others now so i cant just die on them and give up on them. I cant help people and help others going through what i did, i cant be there for the people i care about to ensure they live and make it too, i cant be there to give them what i didnt have; someone who cared and loves them.

ive felt unloved my entire life and it hurts knowing the people who are supposed to love you apparently dont if they do what they do. it hurts seeing people going through what i went through because i know how much that hurts and how over bearing it can be. My trauma made me not want to make the same choices and hurt others in the way they ones who hurt me did. It made me not want to bring life into this world unless i was sure i wouldnt make the same mistakes. It made me crave to be loved and have people by my side and it gave me a weird but reasonable goal: Live a life i can be truly happy and safe in, a life without fear.

i still struggle daily but im getting by and im getting there, im trying to become someone who i can be proud of, someone who can and will make a difference even if its saving one person.

i fight every day to live and have been for a while, hell i cried on my 18th birthday because well i didnt think i would last that long or be alive to see it.

Im alive, and i will continue to be to show others facing and feeling what i have felt that you can do it. you can live and thrive and fight for your life and end up better than you are or were and better than those who hurt you. Ill stay alive to act as a pair of open arms to those who are in my place, to give them someone who cares, to teach them they dont have to do it alone or hate themselves for wanting to depend on others.

Im here because i feel i need to be to break the cycle and prove i deserve to live as do they and as do you.

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acquisitive-adventurers · 5 years

Note

How did Singlar lose his wife? Did he feel he lost her through his own negligence or ineptitude, or does he blame someone else for her death? Has he ever considered looking for a way to bring her back from the dead? Would he ever consider that?

(Thanks for the ask, @calabren-iarian !)

THIS IS LARGELY MY FAVORITE THING TO TRY AND WRITE??? It came out in an rp AGES ago with Singlar’s mun, and he was like (oocly) “what if you were my wife but I thought I’d lost you?” during a really sad part of an rp. It ripped my heart out and it’s been that way forever.

It’s evolved from something akin to screaming into the void to something else less screamy.

Singlar was pretty young as a dwarf – few decades old, probably 60 or so – and he was out exploring with his older brother, Kóri. They were out, being stupid “young” guys, when they came upon a night elf village. They weren’t used to meeting any of the other races beyond dwarves, gnomes, and humans, and the elves were… gorgeous, to say the least. Kóri would joke at Singlar about “staring too long,” but as a young paladin, the starlight that emanated from their eyes was intoxicating.

Though he and his brother left the village after a particularly bad cold snap (it was only like a few days before the weather opened up), Singlar had developed a major crush on the elf that would become his wife. It took maybe ten years before they actually got married, and they stayed that way for almost 80 years (so he’d be roughly 150-160 when she “died”). They’d made a home in the mountain ranges between Mount Hyjal/Felwood/Winterspring, and they were pretty happy.

Emerald Dream portals would open randomly though, and the village they lived in believed they were well defended, so no one left. Singlar left to go visit his brother in Ironforge (for some business) and left Zaha’a alone at their home. When Singlar returned a few weeks later, it was a gory mess: the village was reduced to smoldering ash, fresh corpses of elves and worgen were everywhere, and Singlar couldn’t find his wife anywhere among the survivors. So, he thought she’d perished.

For another 90+ years, he held a hatred for elves and worgen (and anyone that could turn into one tbh). He blamed himself for staying too long in Ironforge, for not taking the first boat and being delayed by a few extra hours, for not bringing his wife along in the first place.

Since there wasn’t anything left of her – possessions, body, even a photo – Singlar was left with nothing of his wife, but her visage haunted him every day for nearly 50 years. He went and drank himself nearly to death, until the kingdoms of men started asking for the other races to help build up their cities. He spent the next few decades working, drinking, sleeping with everyone, and refusing to allow himself to grieve or let go of his anger. He got sick, and sicker, and sickest of all when the orcs invaded Azeroth. He was one of the first to put his skills into the armies for the Alliance, and used it as an excuse to shed blood.

(Even that left him so very hollow inside, and it did not feel good to watch the blood go down the drain after a battle.)

When his commanders realized what he was doing, he was sent to Silithus to keep the supply chains there flowing for the Alliance and keep them as long as possible from the Horde. It was only when he touched down in Stormwind and was given the orders to go did he see Ahilyah for the first (and only) time fully decked out in her commander’s armor – at the time, he didn’t know she was his commander and was pretty awful to her, but she let it slide – as they were both introduced to the other members of their team.

All seven of them left to go to Silithus. Eventually, after battles and literal years spent in the bug-infested cesspool, everyone but Singlar and Ahilyah died or were transferred. They didn’t get any other teammates, and it was just them holding down an entire outpost.

They grew comfortable, enough to drink and sleep in the same room together (more for camaraderie than anything else), and eventually they started sharing their lives. She told him about her explorations and commander school, he told her how it was to grow up in the heart of a mountain; he explained paladin teachings (that he often scoffed at in the same breath of whispering his prayers to the Light), she explained beautiful and terrifying worlds beyond their touch that only a few could (or would) ever see. They were friends.

Between fighting the Horde and the old god worshippers and the bugs, Ahilyah was often given secret missions that they’d go and usually sabotage Horde encampments (”don’t explain anything to me, and I’ll have no questions to ask,” Singlar would tell her), but one time there was a month of nothing. Singlar asked if the war was over, if they’d be released from this Hell and they’d finally go their separate ways; she explained she’d already been given her orders, and had been given plenty of mail about not completing it yet.

When he asked why they hadn’t gone out to do “another get-this, kill-that” mission, she explained it wasn’t that type of mission anymore. It was supposed to have them go outside of the combat zone and kill any and every Horde village nearby. She had twenty-four hours to respond, or she’d be court marshaled, judged by the king and his peers, and executed. (She still didn’t know which part of the kingdom this order came from, but it had an official seal. She had asked the high command for a repeat of the orders, but she never got one – so, she stayed put, mostly because of her morals and also because she didn’t believe it was a real King Varian-stated order.)

They had a screaming match due to misunderstandings until she screamed something in anger – basically “you’re such a stupid dwarf, I can’t believe I put up with you for so many centuries” – and he was like “????what????”

And then they had a very awkward reveal that she was his wife.

He was angry, hurt, confused, and felt like he wanted to throw up. He ended up camping out in the next outpost over, thinking everything over.

Ahilyah never did the mission. At this point the Alliance basically forgot about Silithus as the Legion expac started, King Wrynn dying, and the other Alliance leaders straining under Anduin’s leadership. He came back after fighting on the Broken Shore for a while (she was in Suramar for a time), but they went back to Silithus when the Broken Isles were secure.

Days before the Sargeras skewering of the world, they started to talk about things. Though Anduin’s reign was much different than his father’s, their relationship would never be able to heal. Silithus was going to be released so the people there could refocus elsewhere in the world, but so far it was just a waiting process.

They were on their way out of the zone (near the northern mountain range) when the sword came down. The group they were traveling with were able to get into a nearby cave, but it turned out to be a straight view of the valley; they’d be burned alive if the shockwave didn’t kill them.

And being stupid, Singlar kind of just stood in front of Ahilyah as they curled up in the corner of the cavern while Silithus erupted in flames. In the last few seconds before the flames hit them, he was like, “I wasted years over you.” And she just had to tell him to choose: the anger, or a clear future.

When the shockwave hit, everything exposed to the flames was horribly burned. Chunks of Azerite were thrown into bodies of people, killing some instantly due to the intense high while others were in severe agony. The dwarves and gnomes that sat in the cavern came out completely different, half infused with this rock that deformed their bodies but also gave them immense strengths they hadn’t had before.

Ahilyah ends up with horrible burns/scars across the right side of her body (and flecks on her left). The warrior’s right eye glows like the Azurite does, and parts of her scars sometimes glow if she gets too enraged. She goes into blind rages whenever she loses control of herself, going into a frenzy due to the Azerite in her system.

For Singlar, he’s got these giant rocks (kinda like the rock giants in Deepholm?) sticking out of his back, pulsing every time his heart beats. His eyes turn from an ice blue to brilliant gold, and the veins along his body pulse the same color. He’s got burns along the skin that isn’t infused with Azerite, and the back of his head/neck have diamonds/Azerite crystal hybrids growing out of it.

(The other dwarves and gnomes come out looking similar to Singlar, only with their own molecular type – some have sandstone/Azerite, sapphire/Azerite, etc. Each one’s experiences with the Azerite infusion range wildly to “this sucks” to “what could go wrong?”)

((I want to make an entire post about what gnomes, dwarves, goblins, and (maybe) humans taking baths in this stuff would do to them (being descendants of the Titan constructs and all), since the initial “explosion” can’t really be recreated. So it’ll just add to that layer of “well this might actually suck for us” by being so dependent on Azerite.))

#ask #ask answered #Singlar #Ahilyah #warrior #warrior oc #paladin #paladin oc #dwarf #dwarf oc #worgen #worgen oc #nelf #nelf oc #wow #wow oc #world of warcraft oc #world of warcraft #oc

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