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liquorisce · 3 years

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reading between the lines (High School Years, Ch 2)

pairing: eren x mikasa (shingeki no kyojin) // mild erehisu, yumihisu

rating: t

summary: (modern au) Junior year is difficult, especially for Mikasa, because it turns out Eren’s decided to test the dating scene.

(banter, jealousy... and lots of feelings)

part 1 | read on ao3

A/N: this chapter has been a long time coming (5 years omg), and tbh I have a lovely anon to thank, who messaged me asking for a sequel to hsy, which made me actually want to put down my scrambled headcanons on paper. if you're reading this anon, i'm truly grateful for the push you gave me.

NOTE: although i intended a sequel, this is a COMPANION fic to chapter 1, it is meant to fill up the gaps in the story that the previous chapter didnt tell you. i hope you enjoy :)

Today was not one of Eren’s favourite days, for 2 reasons. For one, the day started off with … an encounter. Two, today they would be getting the results of their final trig assessment, which Eren knows perfectly well he didn’t have a chance of passing.

The ‘encounter’ happens pretty much without preamble.

…

“… Hey, it’s Eren, right?” He turns around from his conversation with Armin, to see the same guy from a couple of weeks ago, the one who was talking about Mikasa, and her pretty hair. (he wasn’t wrong)

“Yeah?” He does his best not to let the subconscious irritation seep into his tone.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot the other day,” the guy with the oddly horse-shaped face says, “… My name’s Jean.”

“… Nice to meet you,” he says awkwardly delivering his dishonest words.

“… So, I wanted to be straight up with you,” Jean says, cheeks oddly pink. “About Mikasa… and you. I’ve heard some rumours, and I thought it best to address it with you directly, because I really don’t want to cause any trouble.” Clearing his throat, he says, “Are you guys… y’know, together?”

It’s in the way Jean speaks, he thinks, or the way he talks about Mikasa (or even thinks of her?) - it makes him want to ram his fist right in the middle of his ugly face. And because he was too busy clenching his fists to actually respond, Armin says with a laugh, “… Ah, don’t worry, Mikasa is totally single.”

And then proceeds to wink at Jean.

Eren can barely believe his eyes and ears. And once Jean is out of earshot he hisses, “… what the fuck, Armin?”

Armin blinks up at him innocently. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

“… You didn’t have to encourage him,” Eren mumbles petulantly, when he admits to himself that Armin did, in fact, say nothing wrong.

“Erm, why not?” He sighs, “Look, I know you… worry about Mikasa,” Armin keeps his tone as neutral and veiled as possible, because worried is definitely not all Eren feels for Mikasa, “… but Jean is a good guy! And if anyone deserves attention from a good guy, it’s her.”

…

ii.

She finds him lurking near his locker, stuffing his crumpled papers in, probably wishing away their existence.

“That bad, huh?” She asks, hiding away her grin at his predictable reaction. Eren has always been predisposed too sulking - whether he was a 7-year-old who wasn’t the fastest on the field or 16-something and having just received his trigonometry results.

“… You look like you did just fine,” he mutters, not having to see the A+ on her paper to know that Mikasa had no problem acing the trig test (or any other test).

“You could just ask me for help, Eren. I could help you out for the retakes,” she offers softly, not for the first time.

He sighs. When he glances at her, dark eyes offering earnestly, he knows she means it without any pride or arrogance, but he isn’t able to suppress the prick of his own ego that has him mumbling, “… the mandatory remedial lessons should do just fine.”

…

iii.

When he shows up for class, he sees only a couple of others unfamiliar faces, so he curses under his breath at his own ineptitude towards mathematics for getting him in this situation and takes a spot at the back of the class.

The Support teacher - Erd, he calls himself, apparently too young to be addressed ‘Mr.’ or any of that - seems just as tired as the rest of them, sighing at the lack of answers, obviously frustrated at the complete lack of interest or gratitude of the teenagers in front of him.

So, 20 minutes into the 1-hour lesson, when the short blonde walks in, out-of-breath and apologetic, the sarcasm in his tone is biting. “You’ve already missed 1/3rd of this class, you might as well have stayed out entirely and practiced your cheer routines.”

Eren watches sympathetically at the visible cringe on Krista’s face and offers her an empathetic smile as she takes the seat next to him.

Later when they’ve been informed that the retake is just an assignment filled with proofs and average difficulty problems that they can do in pairs, he looks at Krista, the only known person in the room.

They weren’t that close, but they had quite a few mutual friends what with him playing basketball and her being part of the cheer team. So, when she says, “… see you at the library tomorrow evening?” with a pretty smile across her pretty features, he grins gratefully.

She doesn’t struggle with trig even half as much as he does. In fact, she seemed to be happy to do most of the work herself and explain her solutions - if he actually had the interest to understand them.

“I don’t understand,” he admits after she solves the 5th problem in a row effortlessly, “you seem to have everything down already. How come you didn’t pass the test?”

Her eyes skittered nervously away from him. “I was… sick,” she mutters. “I couldn’t really focus.”

He eyes her closely, observing the sudden change in her countenance. Usually Krista was all easy smiles, twinkle in her blue eyes. Now, she looks uneasy, unwell almost. Deciding it wasn’t his place to pry, “… Well, I guess I turned out to be the lucky one in all this,” he grins, “… I get to hang out with you and have you do my assignment.”

She rolls her eyes. To be honest, she’d enjoyed the past couple of evenings with him. Eren was easy to talk to, despite being somewhat of an airhead and being completely incapable of anything remotely math related. But regardless, he made her laugh and just about forget what happened the morning before she showed up for this test, with fresh tears choking her throat, and purpling bruises on her thighs.

“I guess you owe me then,” she quips back, smugly.

“… I definitely do,” he says smoothly, green eyes watching her in a way that makes her feel warm. “How can I make it up to you?”

Flustered, because she hadn’t expected his easy response, she mumbles, “… Dinner?” And with red cheeks hidden by her blonde bangs, she whispers, “I like pizza.”

…

iv.

She finds him at the end of the day, on one of the wooden tables outside the basketball court, chin resting in his hands, eyes glued to his laptop.

“… Hey,” she breathes, giggling when startled green eyes flash up to her, body jerking in surprise.

“Damn, you got me,” he grins, pushing his laptop away and leaning up for a brief kiss. She’s happy to return it, and she lets her fingers wind into his hair, enjoying it for a moment longer.

“Mmm,” she mumbles, “I saw you closing that browser window,” she teases, wrestling control of his laptop, “watcha lookin’ at?”

When she manages to open his browser history – much to Eren’s protest – her eyes widen. “Women’s dresses, spring collection??” She waggles her eyebrows at him.

“… It’s not for me,” he grumbles, deciding to make it painstakingly clear before Krista enthusiastically begins to tell him what dress would suit him the most – he knows his girlfriend, crossdressing would be absolutely acceptable, if not encouraged – and he watches her eyes feign disappointment.

“… Boring,” she sighs, rolling her pretty blue eyes, “I don’t see how you’re not curious about how you look in a dress,” – she gasps, hand flying over her mouth, “Wait… was that… a surprise… for me?”

“… Um,” Eren starts, intelligently, because the situation that was already awkward in his opinion, just became even more so. “Well,” he gulps, taking in the sparkle in her eyes, knowing fully well just how much she likes surprises, feeling guilty even thought he needn’t be, “itsformikasa.”

He hangs his head in apparent apology, but more so because he doesn’t want to see the disappointment flit across her features.

“… Oh.”

He chances a glance at her, and there’s no particular emotion per se, and it worries him, because she gets this faraway look in her eye sometimes, and he can’t really tell what’s going on, and they’ve only been together a few months and he’s not an expert in reading her silences –

“I see, is it for her birthday or something?” Her tone is measured, and she’s looking pointedly at the screen.

“Um… yeah.” Eren sighs, wondering what the hell was up with his own reaction. He had nothing to feel guilty about – where did that even come from anyway? – Mikasa’s his… family (or something). Shopping for her was normal. He did it every year. This isn’t something he needed to hide.

“Yeah, it’s next month,” he says, giving her a smile. There was no need for this to be awkward if he didn’t make it so. Besides, it wasn’t like he was buying her lingerie or something! (he brushed this thought aside faster than the red blush crept up his neck)

“Do you think, you could help me with it?” He blurts this out, partially in an attempt to distract the weird atmosphere, and also partially because he could really use the help.

Krista blinks. “Err, yeah. Sure.” She pulls up Mikasa’s profile on Instagram. “Let’s see,” she murmurs… Turtlenecks… Jeans… a ridiculously modest swimsuit that she wore to a pool party two years ago. The sexiest outfit on her entire profile was probably her in her tennis shorts and that had more to do with Mikasa’s undeniably ripped body than anything else.

She looks up at Eren, who’s still looking at her tentatively, green eyes unsure.

This whole thing was silly anyway, she thinks, offering him a genuine smile. He and Mikasa were close (and they lived together, which she did her best not to think about), but this wasn’t a surprise so it’s about time that it came up in some way in their relationship. In any case, she hadn’t felt any hostility from the raven-haired beauty and Eren was usually quite forthcoming about everything, so she didn’t really have anything to worry about.

“So, um, does she have a favourite colour or something?” She’s eager to kill the awkward mood and is grateful to see his shoulders visibly relax as he ponders.

“… Red, I think. Maybe, like, a darker shade. Sort of… maroon, y’know?” He thinks of the scarf he gave Mikasa when they were younger. It was a ratty, yet fluffy maroon thing which she was absolutely terrible at tying, but she wears it everywhere during the winter, even though his father had a bought her a better one at some point.

They peruse their options for a bit, and Krista picks out a deep red number, a shimmery satin one, with slinky straps and a slit that travels up an already high hemline. It wasn’t really a spring dress but more of a cocktail night outfit, and Eren is weirdly embarrassed thinking of Mikasa in it.

He eyes the screen incredulously. “… Somehow, I just can’t picture Mikasa wearing something like that.” He opens up another link, to a denim overall dress, “… now this, she would wear.”

“And that,” Krista retorts, “is why she’s still single. She has an amazing body; she should flaunt it.”

“… What would she wear it to?” Eren asks, unconvinced. (Also, what was wrong with Mikasa being single?) “… Student council meetings? Debate competitions?! I just,” –

“Parties, Eren,” she says, exasperated, “… it’s high school!”

“You know she doesn’t” –

“Drag her to some! C’mon, we’re going to be seniors soon. She’ll thank you for it!”

…

Six hours later, she’s closing up her shift at her part-time job. It’s a job she’d rather keep hidden – from her friends at school and the law – because she isn’t sure what the age policy was in these kinds of establishments. It worked out because it was close enough to home, and between her and the bartender, the tips compensated the poor wages. Plus, the bartender – a slightly older girl named Ymir with a pretty fringe and a sharp tongue – was genuinely fan to hang out with. And she was surprisingly protective of the small blonde, particularly with the rougher customers, whom Ymir scared off quite effectively with her glares.

“So,” she says, as she scrubs the counter clean, “… I helped my boyfriend buy a dress today.”

She doesn’t turn back to see her, but she can hear Ymir’s raised eyebrows as she says, cheekily, “… I didn’t realize you guys were into that stuff.”

Snorting, she replies, “Well that would be interesting. But no, it was for his, um, friend. Or something.” Or something, because sometimes Eren refers to Mikasa as his best friend, sometimes his family, and sometimes it just felt like… something else, basically.

She turns around to look at Ymir, who says nothing, continuing to rinse the rest of the glasses. “Her name’s Mikasa,” she continues, her voice getting oddly unsure, “They’ve known each other forever. They even… live together.”

“… What,” Ymir stares at her in disbelief.

“It’s not like that,” Krista finds herself sounding defensive, “Eren’s dad is her guardian… or something. Has been for some years. So, it’s not like they moved in together…”

She elects to skip the part where Eren’s dad is a doctor with Doctors without Borders and is barely home for more than a couple of months a year. She didn’t like the look Ymir was giving her anyway.

“So… they’re like brother-sister or what?”

“No,” she says, realizing that the word came out more vehement than she intended. But she knows that was definitely not the way Eren saw their relationship.

“… Krista,” Ymir starts, and the blonde can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s going to get all protective on her, “… I know you’re in high school, and… you’re dating – as you should – but you don’t have to waste your time on shady boys.”

At this she laughs because, “Eren’s not shady, he’s a nice guy,” –

“… You could get anyone you want; I mean look at you, you’re beautiful.”

The defense that was bubbling up in her throat suddenly stilled, because there’s something about the way Ymir just said that – called her beautiful – earnestly, quietly, and it made her feel funny. It took her breath away for a very brief second and replaced it with a warm flush that creeps up her neck.

It’s strange, she’s heard it before from so many boys with obvious motivations; Eren’s always calling her pretty, and complimenting her eyes or whatever… But when Ymir said it, and looked at her like that, honey brown eyes, deep with unnamed emotion, all she could do was avert her eyes.

…

vi.

It’s 7pm and the library’s home only to the nerds by now. The librarian is lax (and underpaid) enough to ignore the low buzz of two over-enthusiastic AP chemistry students that grates on Mikasa’s ears.

Ordinarily she’d just plug her earphones in and ignore the world to focus on the assignment at hand. But today she accepts anything to distract her from the scene earlier at home. And even though Armin’s sitting right next to her, supposedly doing his own thing, she doesn’t miss the worried glances he sends her every now and then, which she really doesn’t want to address.

Her feelings for Eren were a well-known secret by now, just as well-known as the fact that he clearly didn’t return those feelings, so she wasn’t particularly in the mood for Armin’s indulgent pity… regardless of how well-intentioned it was.

So, when its 8pm and the librarian is shooing them out, and she bumps into Jean, she’s grateful for the few extra minutes of conversation surrounding absolutely nothing important.

When they continue to the parking lot, their conversation having progressed from awkward conversation starters to an animated discussion on Jean’s tennis form, Armin’s well and truly realized that he has no place here.

After Armin’s said his goodbyes and Mikasa recognizes that she doesn’t mind staying away from home and possibly Eren and Krista in the middle of their 5th round, she asks Jean, “… so do you like Chinese food?”

…

When she walks in a little after 10 pm, cheeks cold from the night air, there’s a small grin on her cheeks, because she’s made a new friend today, whose company she genuinely enjoyed.

But when she enters the living room to see Eren fast asleep on the couch, she finds herself staring in the face of the reality she’d tried so hard to escape. It’s difficult to ignore the ruffled quality of his brown hair, mussed up in a way that could only have been achieved by someone (a very blonde, very beautiful someone) raking their hands through it.

She can’t help the wave of irritation that sweeps through her - so she doesn’t bother to soften her footsteps as she walks up the wooden stairs.

Minutes later, she hears his sleepy voice at her door. “Hey,” he says, and she can hear the smile in his voice, “you were out pretty late, so I left you some dinner. We made pasta, it’s not as good as yours but,” -

“… I ate already,” she says, tone clipped.

“Oh.” He’s quiet, just watching her put her things away, and there’s irrational tears pricking at her eyes, anger, and frustration that she knows she doesn’t have the right to, so she doesn’t turn to acknowledge him. “… Mikasa, are you…,” he clears his throat, “… is something wrong?”

When she says nothing, he sighs, turning, “… Well, if you want to talk about it, you know I’m always here,” -

“… Could you please go over to Krista’s house next time?”

She colours, surprised at herself for her outburst of honesty. But her blush pales in comparison to Eren’s as he processes what she’s saying. “… This is my house,” he sputters, “… I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to want to bring my girlfriend over.”

“Well, it’s not just ‘bringing her over’, is it?”

His eyes widen in disbelief. “… What I do with Krista, in my personal space, is definitely not your business, Mikasa.”

“It is when I can hear it, Eren,” she retorts, as he shuts the door forcefully behind him.

…

vii.

It’s been two weeks since that… confrontation, and Mikasa’s barely spoken to him since.

She leaves before he does, makes sure dinner’s left out on the stove for him, whether he needs it or not, and locks her door when she’s done. And although he’s found himself staring awkwardly at that shut door multiple times, he’s never had the courage to actually knock.

He simply cannot comprehend this situation because despite the numerous arguments they’ve had in the past - it was always him, whining about something like a petty child and sulking till he got his way - she’d never truly been mad at him. And she’d never, ever, gone days without talking to him. And as he stares at the locker next to his (it was Mikasa’s) with a horrible ache in his chest, he is well and truly sure that he loathes this situation.

So, when small hands reach around his waist, enveloping him in a tight embrace, his subconscious reaction is to jerk back in annoyance. “I didn’t realise it was you,” he murmurs apologetically, rubbing her hands softly.

“… Who else would it be?” Krista asks, somewhat thrown off by this mood that had been festering for days now.

“You ask some very valid questions there, babe,” he mutters, a distracted half-smile on his face.

Taking a deep breath (determined to shake him out of his pensive aura), she whispers, “… You know, I don’t have work today.” She leans against him, reaching up to murmur in his ear, “we could hang out at yours for a while, if you want?”

She makes it clear what she means by “hanging out” by the way she presses up against him, and even though he’s responded with fervent enthusiasm to a similar invitation in the past, today he just averts his gaze, awkwardly.

Swallowing the rejection with a graceful exterior, she puts an arm’s length of distance between them. “… What’s going on, Eren? Your head’s been somewhere else all week.”

And before he starts to stay that it’s nothing, just that he has some stuff going on, she says, “… does this have something to do with Mikasa?”

His green gaze jerks up at her, startled with unfortunate honesty. “… I haven’t seen you talk to her all week.”

“…I,” he starts, but his throat closes up, for some reason, unsure whether he should really tell her what happened. He doesn’t want to put her in the middle of something that was clearly between him and Mikasa.

But with every passing second, the guilty look on his face only begins to feed the fears that she had successfully kept dormant all this while. “… Did something happen between the two of you?”

And when he looks into her eyes, bright blues seeping insecurity, he says, hurriedly, “… wait, I hope you aren’t thinking that we,” - he inhales sharply, wondering how he manages so successfully to upset the women in his life - “God, no. We had a misunderstanding, that’s all. She said something, I was pretty rude to her, and I shouldn’t have been.”

“And,” he murmurs, admitting it to himself, finally, “I’ve just taken too long to apologize.”

…

She’s barely finished washing the vegetables for dinner, when she hears the thud of the front door closing loudly.

(She remembers Carla reprimanding him every time, for not being gentler)

Mikasa has managed to avoid Eren successfully these past days, because she knows his schedule, knows that despite his complete lack of organization, he’s fairly predictable. And with his recent interest in a particular cheerleader, he almost invariably never comes home before 8.30 PM. So, when she hears him enter their kitchen at little over 7, she isn’t prepared.

She isn’t prepared because she’s been quite cowardly, saying things that she had no business saying, and then being unable to own up to it, unable to apologize to him. Because she knew that when she looks at him, she’ll feel the way she feels right now - taking in the sight of him, drizzle droplets fresh in his brown hair, as he runs a hand through it, his mouth twisting into an awkward grin. She knew she’d realize that her feelings for Eren were never really much of a choice, they just were.

“… I brought your favourite dumplings from Li’s,” he announces. “And I brought an extra serving of the spicy soy sauce so we don’t have to fight over who gets the last bit.”

…

He’s grateful for the small smile that forms on her face when she accepts the dumplings (the peace treaty as he calls it in his head), and for the small banter that she indulges him in as they eat.

After they’re stuffed with dumplings and inconsequential conversation, he clears his throat, because he remembers he came home early tonight with a certain conviction.

But as she does with most things, she beats him to it. “… Eren, about the other day,” she looks at him earnestly, “… I had no right to demand that of you. I’m sorry.”

And when he’s still quiet, she mumbles quickly, “I don’t know what got into me that day, honestly, I,” -

“Don’t apologise, Mikasa,” he says, a strange disquiet taking over him as he replays her words, “… the last thing I want, is to make you feel uncomfortable.” Or to make you feel like you can’t demand what you want from me.

This is the part that settles into him slowly, that somehow, the one person in his life that he’s always felt he could ask anything of, could demand anything of, and actually receive it without fail… she didn’t feel that she could count on the same from him. And it twisted painfully inside of him.

“I appreciate that, Eren. But honestly, I’ll get used to it… so don’t worry.” She smiles, in that genuine way of hers, small lips, curving shyly, “… and who knows, maybe someday I’ll want to ‘bring someone over’ too.”

She laughs as she does the air quotes and even though he manages a small grin in response, all he can say, without really meaning it, is –

“Yeah… Of course, yeah.”

…

viii.

She takes her frustration out on the cash register. “… Damn thing doesn’t open when I need it to, and doesn’t close when I want it to,” she mutters under her breath.

“You just need to show it some love,” Ymir says, amused, promptly closing the problematic register without any difficulty. “… Go sit, I’ll close up here.”

She does as she’s told, pouting slightly, but she’s grateful for the older girl’s help and understanding. “So… want a beer before I close the tap?” Ymir asks with a wink.

“You need to stop offering underage girls alcohol,” Krista whispers, scanning the room hastily.

The brunette rolls her eyes. “You need to stop with the innocent act every time. You’re a hot cheerleader for god’s sakes, everyone knows what goes on at your high school parties,” -

“Ok ok,” she acquiesces, suppressing the blush at Ymir’s offhanded compliment and deciding that that there was no point in panicking every time they did this, “… but only if you join me.”

“Cheers,” Ymir says, offering her glass to Krista’s and taking a generous gulp. “So, tell me. Boy trouble, again?”

Krista nurses her drink slowly before taking a sip.

To Krista, Eren was a breath of fresh air. He didn’t hover, he didn’t foam at the mouth every time she spoke to another guy, didn’t hound her if she didn’t pick up his phone call.

Does he even care? Ymir had asked her once scathingly, but she had disregarded it, grateful for the freedom she felt in his embrace. Freedom from toxic attachment, from past trauma or unresolved baggage like the one she was destined to carry. When she was around him, she had felt different. Lighter almost, as if this persona that she had created for herself could actually have a shot at happiness after all.

But lately she’d begun to wonder if she’d just been fooling herself… again. She’d begun to question if she had just convinced herself to see the promise of something that was never there.

“… I thought this guy was one of the good ones,” Ymir says, watching Krista closely.

“He is…” she sighs, “He is one of the good ones. It’s just…” she trails off, unsure if she should give voice to her thoughts. “Ah fuck it, I’m just feeling a little insecure, it’ll be fine…”

“… Is this about that sexy flatmate of his?”

She winces, feeling exposed. It often felt that way with Ymir. Like there was no point to any of the barriers she had worked so hard in constructing.

“She is attractive,” Krista admits, begrudgingly. “… I’m only surprised Eren hasn’t noticed that.”

“… But that’s what you’re worried about, aren’t you? That he has noticed that of late?” Ymir narrows her eyes at Krista. “You should just ask him about it!”

“I did,” she states defensively, “… and he said there was nothing,” -

“… Oh, sure there’s nothing. I can’t believe he thinks he can lie to you and get away with it,” -

“Ymir, I trust him, he’s my boyfriend,” -

“But that’s the problem with you. You just trust everyone, and you let them walk all over you. You did this with Reiner and now with,” -

“Ok,” she whispers, “Stop it, Ymir.”

“… Krista, you need to trust your gut about this sort of thing. If your gut is telling you that he’s a lying asshole, then you should just dump his ass and,” -

“… See this is why I didn’t want to tell you about this,” she cries, her voice rising In frustration. Because this is how it’s always been with Ymir, no one she dates is ever good enough, no decision she makes is ever smart enough.

“You’re always shitting on my boyfriends. And I know you were justified about the last one, but,” her voice cracks just a little bit, because at the end of it all, she just feels weak, “… it feels like you’re just taking a massive crap on me as well.”

“I didn’t mean,” Ymir starts apologetically, brown eyes remorseful, “… look, that wasn’t my intention.”

She takes her hand, slowly, lets her long fingers intertwine with Krista’s smaller, dainty ones. The crumpled expression on Krista’s features has her regretting ever opening her big mouth. But she was tired of seeing one person after another, enter her Krista’s life, and undo the progress she was trying so desperately to make.

“… The truth is,” she takes a deep breath, ready to unleash a truth that’s been stifled for so long, she can’t even remember when it first sprouted, “I think you’re pretty fucking amazing. And I see you wasting all your time and your feelings on these stupid boys who don’t deserve you.” The words come out quickly, rushed almost. A sharp contrast to how long they’ve festered in Ymir’s chest, growing and growing until these feelings knew no reason.

Ymir doesn’t look at her, she keeps her gaze focused on Krista’s hand, afraid of what might happen if Krista understands the depth of feeling behind her words. But more important than her feelings, there were some things she wanted Krista to see clearly.

“Did you tell him about your father, Krista? What he does to you when his wife isn’t looking?”

Krista tugs on her hand, a wave of unbridled panic spreading at the mention of her father. “I trusted you with that information, Ymir, you promised you’d never bring it up,” -

“… Did you tell him your real name?”

She can’t answer this question, even though she knows the answer, knows it’s an emphatic ‘no’ - but she cannot answer because there’s an overwhelming lump in her throat, and it’s taking everything from her to barely keep it together.

“… Let go of me, Ymir,” she pleads, and that’s when Ymir loosens her grip.

“… You trusted me to keep quiet about your secrets - and I’m fine with that. I’m fine with doing anything you ask of me,” her teeth grit together, because she doesn’t know, Krista doesn’t know just how much she would do.

“You asked me not to do anything about the fact that your father is hurting you, and it even though it kills me, I listened to you. But now I see you hurting yourself in this farcical relationship with fabricated feelings for some boy who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, and I don’t know if I can be quiet about that anymore.”

And because it’s grown too large, too much to keep inside of her anymore, she whispers, “I love you, Historia. And if you want me to let go of you, I will. But,” she brushes her lips gently against Krista’s cheek, “… You can trust me with your secrets, and your heart, if you’d let me, because I could take care of you.” She feels a warm tear roll down Krista’s cheek and her heart clenches, “… I could make you happy.”

…

ix.

“… I really appreciate you making time for this,” she murmurs, as she watches him lay the white lilies at her parent’s grave.

He always remembers, without her prompting, because the first time he’d come with her, she’d spent hours crying at their gravestone, telling him tear-filled anecdotes of the dishes her Mama cooked, the bedtime stories her Papa told, the flowers that they used to grow in their garden together (white lilies).

“C’mon Mikasa,” he rolls his eyes at her, “… we do this every year. Why wouldn’t I make time for this?” And why the hell are you thanking me?

She can’t really explain it to him, the possibly childish notion that she thought he might be too busy with his girlfriend to remember the death anniversary of her parents. She regrets doubting him, regrets that of late she’s been so clouded by petty jealousy, that she hasn’t truly appreciated how little he’s changed around her.

“It’s ridiculous,” she confesses, softly, “… you’ve given me everything. A home… A family.” She smiles at him, somewhat blurry. “But I can’t help it, every year on this day, my mind always goes back to that… moment. I lost them… in what felt like the blink of an eye.”

He tenses, as he always does when he sees her upset, or shedding a tear. There is a fundamental part of him that deeply despises the sadness on her features; it makes him feel helpless. So, he does the only thing he can - he wraps an arm around her, tucking her face into his shoulder as she snuggles into him.

“I miss them every day. But you saved me, Eren,” she whispers, dark eyes looking up at him with a gratefulness that he has never known how to accept, and never felt worthy of. “… and now I have you.”

Her voice trails off, almost wistful. “… I guess the world really can be cruel but beautiful at the same time.”

…

When he stops to think about it, he supposes it really is ridiculous it took them so long to get here. And by here he means - Mikasa wrapped securely in his arms, in his lap, on their couch, taking advantage of the privacy they’ve had all along.

He feels her tongue flick against his - it makes him shiver - and he can do little more than just wrap himself around her tighter, and sigh into her kiss. Her fingers make their way into his hair, cradling his head, pressing sweet kisses on the side of his mouth, on his jaw, and on the sensitive spot beneath his ear.

And because Mikasa’s always been a quick study (she’s learnt what he likes, what he’s weak for), he stills her exploration (very reluctantly) before she goes too far.

“Are you okay…?” He whispers, rubbing a thumb along the dried tear stains on her cheek – a reminder of her tears, of knowing the pain that he’d caused her, bubbled quietly within him, having been quelled temporarily by the glorious feeling of having her in his arms.

She laughs, shaking her head, “… I love you. I can’t believe I finally get to say it.” She rests her forehead against his, a happy smile forming on her lips.

“… You could have said it ages ago; you know. No one asked you to keep it inside for this long.” Even though he teases her with his words, his lips drift back to hers, brushing softly, unable to stay away for too long.

“… Well, you never know, I actually might have said it. If it wasn’t for, you know, you having a girlfriend.” He senses the eye roll, the teasing lilt of her voice, but he can’t help but regret the time he wasted. Because even though Krista was a dear friend, and there were no ill intentions there, now that he is here, chest to chest with the girl he loves, he only wishes he’d been here sooner.

“You’re going to use that against me forever, aren’t you?”

She grins in response. “… I have a question though.”

“Shoot,” he murmurs, nibbling against her lower lip.

“… Why’d you guys break up?”

He groans, kissing her jaw testily. “… Do you really want to go into that right now?”

She hesitates, torn between potentially ruining the mood and needing to know what happened. God knows, she had spent countless nights losing sleep over the details anyway. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay, I guess…”

“It’s fine,” he says quickly, realising that if he wanted to set a precedent where she could ask him anything, then it‘s best he starts now, “… She’s in love with someone else. A girl, actually.”

Her eyes widen, not having expected that turn of events. “… Please tell me you didn’t ask for a threesome.”

“What the fuck, Mikasa, of course not!” He pulls back, offended.

“Good,” she murmurs cheekily, “I’ve raised you well.”

“Hmm,” he hums, “Speaking of ‘raising me’, you should probably stop saying stuff like that. Do you know that Connie asked if you were like a ’sister’ to me?”

He grins, seeing the shocked expression on her face. That’s exactly how he had felt when he was posed that question, with a little mortification added to the mix. “… Is that really how everyone sees our… relationship?”

His fingers drift to hers, where they rest on his chest. “We’ve been living together for a while now,” he caresses her knuckles absentmindedly, “Kids our age… they don’t really understand it, I guess. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

“My turn: I have a question for you,” he murmurs. This is a question he’s long considered, stopped only by his embarrassment, fielding it from others only to put the vaguest labels on it.

“… What am I to you, Mikasa?”

The question throws her, because even though she’s told him candidly how she feels, that she loves him, she always has, he is asking her, right now, to define their relationship.

The very notion, the expression that flits on her tongue, bubbles up in her heart with an exciting warmth, even though she hopes this is just temporary, that it will grow, that Eren is so many things and will be so many things to her that she cannot possibly define right now - “… My boyfriend, of course.”

- fin -

A/N: i've been really nervous to post em, because its just been so long, and the writer that wrote chap 1 is different from the one that wrote chap 2, and honestly i dont even know if there are inconsistencies. so my request to you, dear reader, is to please let me know if i have made any fuck ups in writing this - or if you have any ideas for pacing, or storytelling that could possibly help me improve.

also there will be a chapter 3 focusing on eremika’s sexual exploration~

#eremika #erehisu #yumihisu #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #liquorisce fanfiction

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transmascjfk · 3 years

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i'm,, trans and hc chihiro to be a male..

i'm sorry, but i don't quite understand how that's transphobic. could you please explain how chihiro is transmisogynistic? (sorry if i come off as rude - that's not my intention and i genuinely just don't understand, though i would like to!!)

What is transmisoginy?

"Transmisogyny is a distinct category of transphobia in that transmisogyny mainly focuses on trans women and other transgender individuals who demonstrate femininity, whereas transphobia is a more general term, covering a broader spectrum of prejudice and discrimination towards transsexual and transgender individuals. Julia Serano states in Whipping Girl that "when the majority of jokes made at the expense of trans people center on 'men wearing dresses' or 'men who want their penises cut off' that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny. When the majority of violence and sexual assaults committed against trans people is directed at trans women, that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny." "

Chihiro is written to mock trans women, to say that in reality trans women are secretly men, she is a man who is weak and uses being trans as a way to escape her problems, this is a thing that is also said to trans men a lot, that theyre just trying to avoid the hard parts of being a woman by becoming a man. Even if the writters intended it to be like that or not (which they probably did because transphobia is a big thing that happens a lot, obviously) it's still transmisogynistic. Thats that on that

This is a pretty common transphobic trope actually, the "Turns out this one character was actually from the opposite sex??!!", theres more examples of this in other games outside Danganronpa.

But also her experience is pretty different from other examples, her experiences are way too similar with trans womens experiences.

This is mostly for the cis people who call her a crossdresser and refuse to change their mind, on it, sit down.

Written by a trans man.

Don't tell me whats transphobic and what it's not transphobic if you're cis. Just sit down and read.

Tw: transphobia, transmisoginy, death mentions and blood in the pictures.

The game implies a lot of stuff with her dialogue, it doesn't straight up says "I don't want to be a woman anymore, I'm a man" like everyone claims it does.

[ Alt text 1:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I'm going to get stronger...and accept who I am... ]

[ Alt text 2:

Chihiro Fujisaki: Strong enough so that when someone says "even thought you're a boy" I'll be okay. I'll get better! ]

[ Alt text 3:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I wrapped myself in lies. I'm weak. I want to destroy that version of me forever! ]

[ Alt text 4:

Chihiro Fujisaki: ... I want to change. ]

[ Alt text 5:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I have to change. I don't want to be weak anymore ]

She goes to Mondo not because hes masculine, but because she admires him and his strength. She never once says it's because shes a man or because Mondo is a man.

[ Alt text 1:

Chihiro Fujisaki: Maybe talking to Mondo about it will help give me some courage... ]

[ Alt text 2:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I admire... your strength... ]

These dialogues can be read in two ways, the first one being the one the game tries the hardest to put in your head thats shes a man, all of this guessed by other people btw not what she herself says. Which is really transphobic, because she was written as a trans woman and then theyre like "uh no actually hes a man, because he was born as one but hes a coward so he started to dress as a woman to hide from his problems. Because thats what people do right? People who dress as their oppossite gender are so pathetic, specially men amiright? Ahaha"

Reading it in this way really weird, you're doing a lot of mental gymnastics because you would literally call her a trans woman with all of this if the rest of the trial, that consists of cis people assuming shes a man, didn't happen. And sadly you're following transphobic ideas by this. Because the canon is transphobic and transmysoginistic.

And the other way is just read what she says, that she just wants to be stronger and stop lying to everyone, basically about being cis, because shes not, shes amab (assigned male at birth) and thats probably what she said to Mondo, but most people when a trans person who already passes or is in their transition comes out many people tend to think "oh so youre your gender assigned at birth and not the one you claim to be?", because they don't get what being trans is and they think only "biological gender" is a thing. Basically, misgendering and invalidating the trans person.

I can guess all of this just because of how vague they decided to make her dialogue, not even showing how she tells Mondo about being amab.

What did she said to Mondo? "I'm trans"? "I'm a man"? "I was born a man"? We dont know, because they didn't show it and she died right afterwards and then everyone was like "Chihiro was secretly a man" to solve the case and thats it. A lot of people in the discourse get their information from Monokuma who isn't either Chihiro or even Mondo. Monokuma knows many things but he can't read minds to know if she was really trans or not, only she could say it but she died so she couldn't explain if shes trans or not.

[ Alt text:

A youtube comment by Gail Frisbee, posted 4 days ago, this comment was edited by the autor. The comment says:

"It's honestly increible to me when people try to argue that a scene in which a female-presenting character gets their genitals groped and then is posthumously referred to as a male from that point on can't be transphobic just because that character calls themselves a boy in some other side content later. It's on about the same level of intellectual honesty as claiming that Quiet from MGS5 isn't really fanservice because she totally breaths throught her skin you guys.

As it turns out, if you really dig down deep into the lore, Chihiro is a fictional character and the same people who wrote the genital investigation scene also wrote the lines that character says in the game as well. It's a shocking twist, I know." ]

Her fears of being outed and people founding out her secret (being trans) or being transphobic is used as a gross big twist. A trans woman being used as a mockery of trans people? Great totally normal (/sarcasm)

Read this post made by a trans woman. I'll be using this only part but it's still a great read.

[ Alt text:

So. There is a lot to unpack here, but I want to start with something that specifically hurts me as a trans woman, and that's how the game flippantly uses real world horrors trans people face as shocking reveals and twists. You can go down the list for "worst nightmares" of trans people incluiding:

Threatening to be outed against your wishes

Outing yourself to a trusted friend and being met with rejection, or worse, violence

Having your body and privacy examined and invaded

Having your deadname used and being misgendered after death, when you can't correct them ]

Now, let's go to her backstory for a bit. I will be using the wiki for this. (Which sadly uses he/him for her 💔)

" When Chihiro was a child, he became the subject of harassment and bullying. He was always told to "be a man" and that he was "so weak despite being a boy", and because of that, Chihiro slowly but surely began to develop a "weakness complex". In order to escape the bullying, Chihiro began to dress as a girl so that people wouldn't bully him as a weak boy. "

This doesn't sound like a normal crossdresser, this sounds like a trans woman who was bullied for being different when she was younger, like many trans people, and then she decided to transition because she's a woman, she wanted to be more feminine and stop being seen as a person shes not. Specially after so many people tell her to basically man up when she doesn't want that, because shes not a man.

Have you ever heard of the classic stories of "since I was little i knew i was different, i was a boy who liked playing with dolls and was more feminine than the rest" or "i used to be a tomboy when i was little, i had mostly male friends, i liked playing with car toys and was more masculine than other kids" coming from trans people? This just sounds as these types of stories to me.

People also like to say that alter ego uses he/him pronouns and says shes a boy. Many trans people can misgender themselves for personal reasons too guys, she could've been trying to misgender herself because she didn't felt like she wasn't enough to be a real woman, this happens a lot to trans people. If people constantly tell you that you're not actually transgender or you just feel like you're faking it then you might actually believe it, thats were most "detransitioners" come from. And thats basically what they made her, a detransitioner.

Some of you might also don't get how shes trans because you think she doesn't perfect or exact trans stereotypes. Trans experiences can be similar on the feeling of not fitting in, dysphoria, etc. But trans experiences, stories, transitions and complete lifes can be very different, because we all (including cis people) live different lifes, experience, process and cope with things differently. So i can understand why you might not get her being trans coded at first, don't worry. But try instead of just not caring because you don't get it at the first try, to see what trans people say.

This whole discourse its mostly cis people talking over trans people about their own experiences (incluiding the dead trans coded characters experience) saying if theyre valid or not and denying stuff not wanting to learn anything, completely refusing to it because "In canon hes a boy" ok then in canon shes written in a transphobic way too but most of you don't care about that. You would rather call her a crossdresser than try to acknowledge how obviously trans coded she is and how thats used as transphobia.

The way most cis people act in this discourse is very transphobic to me to be honest, if you think you're a good ally but act like this then you should get more educated on the topic as a whole and about trans people too.

-the trans Chihiro flag to finish this up, she has a bit boobie! good for her! good for her.

#chihiro discourse #discourse #transphobia #transphobia cw #transphobia tw #chihiro fujisaki #if i forgot about something please tell me!!#trigger happy havoc

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dreamii-yume · 4 years

Text

I can’t even- (//∇//) This is not a request, just something I thought about as I slowly sink in my bed. Hope you enjoy~! 草

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Darling has been crossdressing as a guy this whole time in order to get into Night Raven College! Turns out, she was drinking a potion that changes her gender this whole time! However, the potion had run out and it takes great amount of effort to gain another batch!

How is Darling going to hide her true gender now? Only the staff and Grimm had known about this, after all. But if the students were to find out, Night Raven College’s reputation would suffer!

So, as a solution? Crowley decides that it would be best to reveal it the reliable Dorm Leaders! Instructing them to do whatever they could do to protect Darling’s gender!

Little does anyone know that because of this discovery, our dorm leaders now have a different plan for Darling~! Of course, they’ll keep your secret, but just know that they don’t offer their service without a reward, sweetheart!

♥︎ Leona’s Side ♥︎

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

You usually don’t have a problem with Professor Crewel’s class. He was strict but it was because he wanted his students to become the best of the best, he holds no malicious intent. Some say he has a sadistic tendency but he never actually harmed a student so severely so you could say he was still a very good teacher. But he was a difficult teacher to talk to, ask a question and you’ll end up questioning the fact on why you even asked a question in the first place. So, that’s why, in the time where you needed to go to the bathroom badly, you did not raise a hand to excuse yourself because you do not want to be the bad puppy of the day.

It was almost time for his class to end anyway, what’s another twenty minute gonna do?

Well, it turns out you have underestimated your bladder’s ability to hold up your pee as the time that Professor Crewel had dismissed the class, you were the first one to stand up. You yelled to Deuce, Ace, and Grimm to keep a hold of your stuff for a while as you bolt out of the classroom, desperately looking for the toilet.

You arrived at one, quickly opening the door, not bothering to knock if there was anyone inside. It was a public bathroom so there were a few students here and there, startled by your sudden outburst. You quickly went to the stall and tried to open one of them, but it wouldn’t budge. You panicked even more and tried the other stalls one by one but none of them was giving you the way to relieve yourself.

“Uh...If you’re planning to use the stall, sorry but they’re out of order for now.” One student, his armband tells you that he was from Scarabia, was concerned enough to inform you. You looked at him with a horrified look on your face which actually caused him to back away. “Well, um...There’s always the urinal so...”

“T-Thank you for the information! Bye!” You said, not letting him finish his sentence and bolted out of the bathroom.

You ran around the school, trying to find anywhere, just an appropriate place to relieve yourself. You were considering to go to one of the dorm’s bathroom but your bladder does not seem like it can hold out much longer. You looked around, eyes spiraling in fear and panic, afraid that you’re actually going to wet yourself right here and then. Until your eyes caught a glimpse of the garden and a memory popped up in your head.

You knew there was a private toilet inside there!

With that thought in mind, you quickly ran towards the entrance, bursting open the door. You probably disturbed every single living thing in that garden but you didn’t care. You went to the corner, your legs shaking in anticipation. You didn’t even notice that one lion who made this garden basically his territory or that you just awoken him from his slumber. But you were too busy trying to make it for yourself and finally reached the said private toilet. This wasn’t intended for students, mostly for the one who tends this garden or the other staff but you swear that this would be a one-time thing.

You twist open the doorknob, overwhelmingly happy that it was unlocked and pushed it open. Finally, you didn’t have to suffer the humiliation of wetting yourself at this age. You looked inside and-

It was a single urinal.

Your smile twitched and your whole world crumbled, cursing the heavens for giving you such short-lived happiness. You leaned in to the door frame, trembling as you finally noticed how utterly exhausted you are from running around campus. You seriously thought of giving up, just accept the humiliation of not being able to control your bladder. But no one is around, is there? You could just do it here, since the tall magical plants were blocking your view and there were really no cameras to see you doing anything nasty. That’s what you considered doing until a shadow began to loom above you.

“What are you doing? You look like you just gave up on life.”

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Continue the Spice~?

Aight- I’ll show myself out and continue working on the current request on my list. 草 Just wait a little bit more, sweeties~!

#twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere #yandere leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar #sinfic #spicy dream #savanaclaw

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mejomonster · 3 years

Text

watching Two Souls in One and the taiwan accent is so clear on two characters i mean 1 i am ecstatic the actors probably got to dub their own voices since they’re both from taiwan. but also 2 it keeps making me think oh this is the same setting as Bromance and History 3 Trapped and i’m like NO mejo no its not! this show probs has limits!

although to be completely fair to Two Souls in One? I am frankly shocked by how open minded its written? Like truly so far at all points it has been as overt and open minded and explicit as Bromance at LEAST.

Several things that happened in this show:

luo kissing his sister’s boyfriend (on accident)

luo pretending to be a girl to be someone’s date, dancing with his best friend (*probably boyfriend* though boyfriend does know know its luo they think its Another Guy Tian Chen) because he does NOT wanna deal with his sister’s boyfriend

luo and whatever his roommate/best friend have going on

luo’s best friend Absolutely refusing to date anyone, to the point he needs a fake gf to get his sister to stop asking, so Luo pretends to be his gf (luo is the guy ‘Tian Chen’ at the time). Also like best friend probaby... is or wants to date actual Luo tbh

luo’s best friend singing a love song at a concert directly dedicated to luo, luo in the audience, i cried

tian mi (the sister) while pretending to be the man ‘tian chen’ kissing an actress

luo kissing the same actress better (while people who know ‘tian chen’ is tian mi think a girl just made out with a girl and actually might like girls)

my BOY distaster bi openly confessing he loved Tang Mi when he still thought Tang Mi was a boy (tang chen). And openly saying it a LOT the dude is just canon bi thanks. We just. have that. thanks.

my boy also having a plethora of crush moments Before he realizes tang mi is a girl, like swooning and gushing about love, bemoaning about love, confusing his fucking assistant about his crush, annoying his crush’s actual boyfriend

pretty sure actual boyfriend of tang mi also thought she was a guy at first so. while he didn’t say he was bi that’s also kinda nice to acknowledge his curiosity about her wasn’t only reliant on him discovering she was a girl, he would’ve tried to get to know tang mi either way

my DISASTER bi boy also pretending to date a man and glorying in the hilarity of - Tang Chen (tang mi at the time) believing he’s dating a man, and tang chen being very accepting of it (we accept gay relationships on this show ok)

bi disaster’s mom finding out about his crush and giving him a speech about how she loves and supports him whether he likes girls or boys (which was just nice to have in a show)

the whole public finding out ‘man’ tang chen and boyfriend like each other when a kiss is revealed to the public

tang chen admitting she’s tang mi and has been crossdressing as a boy eventually to get the rumors trying to destory her bf’s position at the company to calm the fuck down

i still have 5 eps left and i wanna know if luo and his roommate/best friend/boyfriend can reunite

in general not a sexuality thing, but acknowledgement that actors and people in the public eye (luo, the company owner etc) hide details about themselves to protect themselves and their loved ones. Luo hid the fact he had a sister, when he started acting, because he didn’t want her harassed. Likewise, when bi disaster realized he likes a ‘guy’ while he’s open about it, people do try to protect his reputation (and later tang mi’s boyfriend pays the price of something like that being scrutinized by the public sphere). i think subtextually it says a lot about Luo’s life, the life of actors and people in the public eye in general, and how harassing people for being different from some arbitrary norm is hostile. It felt like a very similar parallel to Bromance when the boss man (Baron Chen) also gets scrutinized for dating what society sees as another man (and himself at that point, since baron chen’s character also has a scene where he talks about sexuality with his friend and figures out he’s bi). So again like... this show and Bromance are quite similar in how they deal with these topics.

somehow i forgot the scene where all the actors crossdressed.

anyway just in general this show is very like similar to taiwan dramas in how its handled sexuality and publicity in general this whole time which has been. really interesting to me. also idk if they were just allowed to push the boundaries so much since this is a ‘little’ show? in that way it reminds me of Bureau of Transformer (bureau of transformer though pushes boundaries SO much more though like In The Flesh but even more directly in some spots). BoT I think partly was allowed to exist because it gained so little popularity and notice. Despite being one of the best shows i’ve ever seen - and very critical of failings that cause societal issues. I think in a broad way, Two Souls in One just not being very big of a show means it gets to play with these ideas more freely like a taiwan show maybe?

i would believe it honestly if someone told me it was a production made partly in taiwan partly in china. or something? like its made by tencent, uses simplified chinese subs, and half its actors are chinese actors so i assume its a cdrama? but it has so many taiwan actors in lead roles, with clear taiwan accents, that it sort of feels like it could easily have been played as a taiwan show if someone had wanted to? especially given the fact it seems to handle subject material the same way a show like Bromance would.

also the body sharing thing! the body sharing thing! the sheer CONCEPT of that can we get it in more stories??! I’ve seen switching bodies, i’ve seen men wake up as a princess (like go princess go). But like the sheer concept of two people sharing one body is so cool and opens up So many avenues! Like ouran host club used ‘dressing like a boy’ to play with the topics a little. Bureau of Transformer is the full other end of the spectrum where a main character is trans and that’s fully delved into. Then go princess go and Bromance and Two Souls in One exist in this middle ground where they use the concepts to explore gender and sexuality. And in this middle ground they can choose from quite cowardly to like, really delving into a Lot and it greatly depends on writing? And i have been continuously surprised by how often Two Souls in One was willing to delve into the topics when it has no requirement to (but a lot of combined setups that allow for easy exploration of the topics if desired). Not only that, but obviously like any story its handling other topics/themes too and its doing so good? Like Tang Mi and Luo share one body right now, and as much as its funny to watch Luo hate Tang Mi’s bf, watch disaster bi fall in love with them both, watch Luo steal time with his dear-friend when he can. Its also so emotionally devastating … so full of grief. Tang Mi desperately misses her brother and fears he won’t ever wake up, and might fully die eventually. Luo fears he won’t ever wake up, might be dying, knows whoever tried to kill him probably now wants to kill his sister - knows that her boyfriend is who was meant to die, not him, so he has to DEAL with the person alive now when he’s in a coma when it should be the other way around. The sheer agony of Luo’s dear-friend constantly grieving and hoping and feeling unsettled but comforted when Luo as-Tang-Chen comes to be with him (because they’re together! but not really! because Luo is still not able to be him he’s just got this borrowed body, and his friend doesn’t know). The crushing guilt of Tang Mi’s boyfriend, knowing he’s the reason her brother is in a coma, that she has to look at him everyday and loves him but might be with him Because her brother was hurt. Like... it actually utilizes the setup of the story SO WELL to do all the things it can do with it! when some stories would only use this setup in one way, or a couple ways, and not use it to its full potential.

#two souls in one lb #two souls in one

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randomobsessionsofa30something · 4 years

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10 fantasy kdramas from 2015-2019 to binge watch.

Never is enough when it comes to dramas so I decided to also share some of my favorite dramas with a fantasy spin of the last five years in no particular order. Happy drama watching!

1. Goblin. This drama was so amazing from beginning to end. It was so funny and heart-wreaching at times. If you haven’t watched it now is the time! It is a romantic drama but it’s so entertaining that even if you are not into romantic dramas you are definitely going to enjoy watching it. The story is about a high school girl that has a tough life and she can see spirits. Suddenly she realizes she’s able to call a goblin. That Goblin is played by Gong Yoo and he also has endured a lot o pain in life. After meeting her he finds himself enjoying life. The story of Lee Dong Wook as the grim reaper was also a highlight.

2. Circle. Probably one of my favorite sci-fi dramas ever. It wasn’t long (only 12 episodes) and it was really well done, however it wasn’t popular. Maybe because the storyline jumps from the past (2007) to the present (2017) and the future (2037). I personally just got really into the story: two brothers had a strange encounter with a girl named Byul when they were younger but as they grew up one of them becomes extremely obsessed about aliens being real and the other one seems to barely remember that period of his life. They find a girl who looks exactly like Byul and one of the brothers is sure she’s behind a series of suicides on the University campus.

3. While you were sleeping. I just started to watch this one again. It’s a romantic legal drama that is really fun to watch. The chemistry between Suzy and Lee Jong Suk is amazing. The second lead is played by Jung Hae In. The story is about a girl that has a dreams that show her the future. She tries to prevent the ones that are about people getting hurt but seems to never be able to do it. However suddenly a man, who happens to be a rookie prosecutor, starts to dream about her.

4. The scholar who walks the night. I loved Lee Joon Ki in this drama based on a manhwa. It’s set on the Joseon dynasty. A scholar hides the fact he’s actually a vampire that is in charge of fighting evil vampires. He also has the goal of ending the life of Gwi, a vampire that controls the royal family. He meets a girl who crossdresses as a scholar to earn a living and she finds out he’s actually a vampire.

5. W. This is my favorite Lee Jong Suk drama and I really like all his dramas. Also one of my favorite first episodes ever. I loved how different it was. Especially in the first half. I can agree with some of the criticism that the romance seems a bit like a Disney story in the sense that they barely see each other in the drama and yet they are deeply in love. However I didn’t have a problem with it and there’s a lot more to this one than that. Each episode has a cliffhanger which was really painful when I had to wait a whole week to watch the next episode. Han Hyo Joo plays a heart surgean. Her father is the author of a famous webtoon. One day she gets sucked into the world of the webtoon and finds a way to go back and forth but her sudden appearance changes everything for the world inside the webtoon and the webtoon in real life. On the other hand Kang Chul is a millionaire with a tough past that has the goal to find the person who killed his family. A misterious girl saves his life and he just knows she’s the key to solve everything.

6. Abyss. This 2019 drama was really funny and sweet. Ahn Hyo Seop plays a man who was accidentally killed and is brought to life again with an “abyss”. He then gets the power to bring people from the death. Soon after, he finds out the woman (Park Bo Young) that he’s been in love with since high school was murdered so he brings her back. Problem is they come back in different bodies “the ones that represent how their souls look like”. Together they set out to find out who killed her.

7. Hwayugi. This drama is a very loose interpretation of the chinese tale “Journey to the West”. It also marked the return of Lee Seung Gi to dramaland. It’s very silly but highly entertaining. The story is about a mischievous God that is set loose by a girl without realizing it. However they inadvertently are connected from then on.

8. Memories of the Alhambra. This sci-fi thriller was entertaining but the second part of the drama can be difficult to watch. The story is about a game developer (Hyun Bin) that gets a call of a kid (EXO’s Chanyeol) trying to sell his game. However the kid disapears and he realizes the game is a ground breaking VR game that could change the world. He sets out to get the rights to the game by the kid’s legal guardian: his sister (Park Shin Hye), a korean that lives in Spain. His life changes as he realizes the game can be dangerous.

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9. Hotel del Luna. IU, Yeo Jin Goo, P.O., Kang Mina and the rest of the cast make a funny bunch in this drama about a hotelier that is forced to be in charge of a strange hotel. The issue is the hotel is only for the dead and is run by a woman that made a mistake hundred of years ago and is bitter by what happened then. However when the new hotel manager starts working there she starts enjoying her life once again.

youtube

10. Chicago type writer. Yoo Ah In, Im Soo Jung and Go Kyung Pyo star in this sometimes funny and sometimes heartbreaking drama about a famous writer that meets a girl who is a fan of his work. However weird things start to happen after they meet. Mainly they start remembering their past lives in the 1930s when they were very different people during the Japanese occupation.

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39 notes · View notes

notdeadjack · 4 years

Text

annual reclist 2019

yoo my favourite reads of 2019!

20 Fandoms represented:

Haikyuu!!: 3 fics Boku no Hero Academia: 17 fics The Umbrella Academy: 8 fics Resident Evil 6: 3 fics Harry Potter, assorted: 1 fic Star Trek: 10 fics Voltron: 8 fics Teen Wolf: 73 fics Marvel, assorted: 25 fics Naruto: 8 fics Star Wars: 4 fics Good Omens: 1 fic Merlin: 5 fics Borderlands: 1 fic Hannibal: 1 fic Avatar The Last Airbender: 1 fic Toy Story: 1 fic South Park: 1 fic Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 2 fics /r/nosleep: 4 fics

total fics recced: 177

(if the cut doesn’t work, i am so sorry)

Haikyuu!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15429966 big by shouyoto 1k, Hinata/Kageyama, size difference,

Kageyama is big.

At first, Shouyou thinks it was annoying. At first, it had been a constant reminder, a buzz to his ears on how simply unfair the universe was since he aged a few months older than Kageyama, and yet, somehow- somehow, he's still the one who ends up with the shorter end of the stick. But much like their bond, this impression didn’t last long either.

...

Shouyou finds himself fawning over Kageyama's big build.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4409042 Girl trouble by PhoenixGFawkes 37k, Hinata/Kageyama, rule 63, they’re lesbians harold,

Kageyama is annoyed by the boys that approach her to ask her out (she’s not interested), to offer to carry her books for her (she can handle it) or give her flowers (what would she want them for?). Hinata says that she’d like it if a boy once did any of that stuff for her, but she’s a dumbass who doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

When that boy for Hinata shows up, though, Kageyama isn’t annoyed.

She’s furious.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005018 Make You Say I Look Good by Esselle 5k, Hinata/Kageyama, crossdressing,

'Kageyama balances a tray of scones, and little teacups and saucers, and a pretty teapot, as he walks across the room slowly and carefully. His attention is entirely focused upon the very breakable, spillable things he is holding. So much for his innate setter's skills at the task; he moves so slowly that Hinata isn't sure how he's managed to serve anyone since they started. He's sweating profusely, apparently from stress and intense concentration, little beads of perspiration running down the side of his face and arms. His shoulders are too wide and broad for the outfit, the bulk of his muscular arms straining against the ruffled sleeves.

"Oh, no," Hinata says.'

In which the volleyball club decides to open up a maid cafe, and Hinata is forced to confront his feelings for a certain setter.

Boku no Hero Academia

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17795849 I Can Make You Feel Good by dinosaurspice 4k, Kirishima/Bakugou,

curious teens experiment

- the whole series (as of mars at 20k words) is gold really

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11813826 Two Hour Vacation by ArgetCross 10k, Midoriya/Todoroki, pining, first time, past child abuse,

“May I join you?” He asked, as if he didn’t expressly text Uraraka and Iida to hunt Midoriya down. Midoriya’s own phone had been off and Todoroki had silenced his own before coming. In a pinch, their friends knew where they were.

Even the life of a hero had to allow them this one night.

Or on the day of his father's funeral, Todoroki Shouto loses his virginity.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421988 Everything Except by Pouler (poulerslashes) 28k, Midoriya/Todoroki, sex pollen,

"In retrospect, Midoriya probably should’ve realized the moment they were enveloped in a glittering pink cloud that something was about to go Very Wrong."

After an encounter with a unique villain threatens to change the nature of their partnership, Midoriya must find a way to get things back to normal between him and Todoroki. That is, if he's certain that getting 'back to normal' is what he really wants...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15272805 your warmth is all i need by drifting_i 17k, Kirishima/Bakugou, AU, dragon!Kirishima,

This is how it begins. Kirishima is running for his life.

His feet hit the earth hard and fast, he can’t feel it. They're on him now, he can smell them. Four to the left and six to his right. The sides of his arms grow red starting by the elbows. He curses silently. His throat burns.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17158511 winter doesn’t linger here by drifting_i 14k, Kirishima/Bakugou, pining, bed sharing,

“I don’t want you to leave,” Kirishima admits. “I mean, it’s break, man. For the first time in months we don’t have school breathing down our necks so we can finally hang out like we used to and I did miss you!”

“We saw each other last week,” Bakugou says, deflecting.

“Still.” Kirishima smiles sheepishly.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531774 had to be (you) by bigstupidjellyfish 11k, Kirishima/Bakugou, light bondage, kink exploration,

do you ever just discover you have a kink in the least appropriate situation

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14331180 'Cause the Dark's Not Taking Prisoners Tonight by imatrisarahtops 52k, Kirishima/Bakugou, emotional h/c, bed sharing, mutual pining, slow burn,

“Are those soba noodles?” Kirishima asked.

Again Bakugou’s only reply was a grunt. He offered no further explanation—not that Kirishima honestly expected one—as though making soba noodles from scratch at half past four in the morning wasn’t at all a bizarre occurrence and made complete and total sense. For a fleeting moment, Kirishima even wondered if maybe he was the odd one here. Besides, he’d already decided it was generally not in his best interest to question these types of things with Bakugou, especially when it was something essentially harmless.

When Kirishima has a nightmare and is unable to fall back asleep, he accepts defeat and decides to study in the common area of the dorms. What he doesn't expect to find is Bakugou, also very much awake, and Kirishima can't help but think that maybe they're both having the same problems with sleeping. If he's worried, it's just because they're friends. (Right?)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12794481 the easy parts by chonideno 11k, Kirishima/Bakugou, h/c, scars,

Kirishima made it out alive but his body is covered in wounds that won't heal without leaving marks behind. He hides them away from the sight of others, away from his own, and he hates every part of it. Bakugou watches him reduce his own character to a parody of what it used to be, and he can't stand it.

Or how Bakugou and Kirishima learn to deal with these scars, with themselves, with each other.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14947955 Glow by argentconflagration 1k, Kirishima/Bakugou, pining, bed sharing,

Kirishima is warm and somehow far softer than a person with that much muscle definition has any right to be. His breath is tickling Katsuki’s hair, which should be uncomfortable but isn’t, and Katsuki can smell his hair gel, which is cloying and chemical but too familiar to be irritating. Katsuki sighs softly as his body continues to relax. His eyelids droop. Before long he’ll be slipping off into the throes of sleep.

Kirishima reaches forward and takes his hand, and his stomach flips. He immediately forces himself to relax, though. If it meant something like that to Kirishima, he wouldn’t be doing it, would he?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17338961 sunchaser by chonideno 35k, Kirishima/Bakugou, pining, bed sharing,

that feeling when you suddenly want to jump off a cliff for no reason but instead of a cliff it’s your best friend and instead of jumping it’s growing feelings out of nowhere

or how Bakugou has to try really hard not to throw everything to the wind, and Kirishima doesn't help

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17569586 Already Everything by roxashighwind 16k, Kirishima/Bakugou, body swap, deaf!Bakugou,

He feels drunk and hungover at the same time, feels like he’s about an inch to the left of where he actually is and dizzy to boot. He tries to sit up and is filled with instant regret. He groans, and he can’t hear it though he feels the vibration of the sound in his chest and throat. He can’t hear anything. Why can’t he hear anything?

- Eijiro wakes up, but he's not himself.

A villain's body swapping quirk leads to admissions between friends, which leads to something more.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12676416 This Changes Nothing by vulcanhighblood 68k, Kirishima/Bakugou, a/b/o, slow burn,

First heats, even ones triggered by a classmate's "prank" gone awry, aren't supposed to take your quirk away. Then again, omegas aren't supposed to be in hero training, either.

Katsuki does enjoy defying expectations, just... not like this.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17284061 dusk and dawn by bigstupidjellyfish 13k, Kirishima/Bakugou, sex pollen, biting, friends to lovers,

sex pollen, again, yea

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17094788 Against All Odds, Thriving by jettiebettie 12k, Kirishima/Bakugou, pining,

“The naked adoration! The loving caress! Lively colors accenting warm eyes and an endearing smile!”

“... I'm gonna go take a nap.” Bakugo is halfway out of his chair when Shiozaki turns the screen and he stops dead in his tracks.

Kirishima's face stares back at him with a look that nearly knocks the air out of his lungs. The expression he's giving the camera is tender, his pretty eyes full of fondness and framed by loose red bangs, with a small amused smile on his lips. The hand Bakugo used to manhandle his head into position has no right looking that gentle; his hands were never meant for gentleness to begin with, but to see his holding Kirishima's cheek like that... To see the way Kirishima is looking at him-

Bakugo slams the laptop shut. - Class A and Class B must complete a joint art assignment, and it honestly may be too much for Bakugo.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16261352 you can get what you want or you can just get old by hyperlight 55k, Kirishima/Bakugou, 13 going on 30, angst, suicide attempt, minor character death, happy ending,

Bakugou gets a preview of what his future might be and doesn't like what he sees.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11845740 Electrification of the Soul by cighail 8k, Sero/Kaminari, pining,

So if he is a simple kid, then he will live by simple rules:

Make friends, make enemies; tease and be teased. Slip comedy into your words that garner the slightest bit of attention. Give and receive praise, criticism, advice, so long as it strays not too far from the norm. Become uniquely un-unique.

And ah- “Hanta, my dude, you’ve gotta check her out.”

Fall in love.

(In which Hanta is not as chill as he makes out to be)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14446512 Hero Class Civil Warfare by RogueDruid (Icarius51) 85k, gen, plotty plots,

Heroes lead by Bakugo. Villains lead by Midoriya. Seven days prep time. Three days for Izuku Midoriya to show why they should be glad he's not a real villain.

The Umbrella Academy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17890052 Partners, Parents, or None of the Above by DarkFairytale 7k, gen, brotherly bonding, protectiveness, past drug abuse,

Kenny's mom assuming that Diego and Klaus were A) a couple and B) Number 5's parents was both bemusing and amusing at the time. But that was because it was the only time it had ever happened. Now though? Now they just can't understand why these misunderstandings keep happening.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846012 Let Him Cry by Achrya 3k, Ben/Klaus, incest, first time, tentacles, drugs,

“Ben is crying again.”

“Yeah well. Dad says it's just growing pains.” -- Klaus decides to help his brother out.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17962079 the devil's jaws are far too weak by ictus 1k, Ben/Klaus, incest, drug withdrawal, h/c,

Truthfully, it’s far from the strangest thing Ben’s ever done. When you grow up in a family as sick and twisted as the Hargreeves’, jerking off your brother in a motel closet while you’re waiting for hired guns to come back and finish the job is barely a blip on the radar, even if he is technically dead and Klaus shouldn’t be able to feel him at all.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17932085 Can Someone Tell Me (If It's Wrong) by merle_p 2k, Klaus/Ben/Diego, incest, emotional h/c, canon time travel,

"Your favorite,” he adds, unnecessarily but correctly, because leave it to Klaus of all people to know what kind of candy he prefers. He is pretty sure not even Eudora ever had any clue just how much he liked the taste of the rainbow.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005399 Six of Cups, Four of Swords by prodigy 9k, Ben/Klaus, incest, drugs, addiciton, withdrawal, prostitution,

Ben Hargreeves tries to keep his brother--and himself--on the devastating road to getting well. It doesn't go in a straight line.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17860256 i scream, you scream by kyrilu 2k, vauge Ben/Klaus, introspection,

One of Ben’s favorite childhood memories is eating ice cream with his family after they’d saved Paris from the rampaging Eiffel Tower.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17836067 Family Affairs by manic_intent 58k, Klaus/Ben/Diego, incest, time travel, post-canon,

“This isn’t going to work,” Diego said, once everyone had stopped moaning on the grass and/or throwing up.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18307292 the year that wasn't by achilleees 21k, Diego/Klaus, time loop, incest,

Diego turned to Five. “I’ve already, uh, lived today. This has already happened.”

Everyone went still.

“Ooh, that’s a mind-fuck,” said Klaus.

Resident Evil 6

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367419 hold on (we're going home) by viii 8k, Piers/Chris,

no summary given, first paragraph:

It's raining in Vancouver on the last day of November. Piers has been gone for six weeks. It hasn't been the longest he's been gone, but it hasn't been the shortest either. He doesn't know how he's going to find Chris when he pulls out the rusty key that he doesn't use as often as he should and unlocks the door to Chris's apartment.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6774688 Crossed Out by deansparkles 47k, Piers/Chris, time-travel (kind of), pining,

Piers Nivans is ready to die. That doesn't mean the universe has to agree with him.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031021 You, Me, and the Monster by AkumaStrife 5k, Piers/Chris, h/c,

They pull Piers out of the ocean and patch him up as best they can, but some things will never be the same. Chris can't forgive himself and Piers doesn't trust himself, and between them is a chasm of things unspoken.

[Alternatively: Hospital Recovery fic in which Piers has to learn to live with the thing he's become.]

Harry Potter

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5025334 chalk this one up as a win by tamerofdarkstars 6k, Marcus Flint/Oliver Wood, soulmates, fluff,

Oliver Wood wakes up in the Hospital Wing a week after his first Quidditch game ever with a head injury and his soulmate's thoughts wound around his left wrist.

Frankly, he's more concerned about missing the Quidditch game.

Star Trek

https://archiveofourown.org/works/856754 The Mark by thecadenceofherlastbreath 4k, Chekov/McCoy, soulmates,

Prompt: AU where everything is the same, except everyone is born with a insignia, a mark that is unique to only two people in the world, that tells them who their soulmate is. Usually the two people are born on the same day, at the same time, but that doesn’t mean that aren’t circumstances where an age difference has happened.

Leonard McCoy was born without an insignia, only for one to appear on his 20th birthday. He always hated the idea that the one person he was supposed to be with being a child, and maybe that was why he married his high school sweetheart. And maybe, that was the fact their relationship fell apart six years later, and he made the choice to join Starfleet.

He had never really forgotten about his supposed soulmate, but it certainly wasn’t expected to be confronted with the seventeen year old Russian genius whose insignia, his insignia, their insignia, plastered so obviously on his neck…

I tweaked it just a little, but it's essentially that. Hope I didn't butcher the idea!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11468154 Now the Sons Look For Their Fathers/ But Their Fathers Are All Gone by Straight_Outta_Hobbiton 30k, gen, kid fic,

Leonard is exhausted, and there is a crying kid in front of him with a bowl-cut and pointed ears.

Of course he picks him up.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058476 infixion by Etharei 37k, Kirk/Spock, kidnapping,

A mission of this duration has never been attempted. Just a few months in, the crew of the Enterprise are beginning to understand why – luckily, they are also, somehow, making it work. A series of events, both great and small; featuring cameos by unsuspecting planets, complicated interpersonal relationships, off-record shenanigans, and a surprising number of hostile life-forms.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15327285 Thy Soul, Alight In The Dark by Aerlalaith 51k, Kirk/Spock, AU, horror, mind control, possession, accidental bonding,

When disgraced former Starfleet captain and current salvage runner James T. Kirk stumbles upon an abandoned Vulcan research vessel on the edge of Federation Space, he thinks he’s finally found some luck. The state of the ship and the fate of her original crew however, turn what was supposed to have been a standard day’s work into something quite a bit stranger. As Kirk and his crew debate if they can—or should—wake a sleeping survivor, it soon becomes clear that the nightmare is just beginning.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17246120 If Symptoms Persist by billiethepoet 7k, Kirk/Spock, pon farr,

The aftereffects of pon farr do not go away as quickly as Spock would like everyone to believe. Jim can tell and he's ready and willing to help.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913942 Mind Readers, Man! by dothedeux 12k, Kirk/Spock, Spock&Bones,

After Spock is injured on a mission, he forms a mental link with Bones in order to survive. Afterwards, both men decide the link can come in handy at work, and that they should keep it in place. But as their friendship grows stronger, Jim struggles with his new feelings. It's basically a soap opera in space.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/996674 what legends are made of by Rosslyn 33k, Kirk/Spock, suspense, adventure,

On a routine mission to a normal-looking planet, Kirk and Spock discover a strange cave. Seven handprints were carved into the wall — each moulded to a member of the senior bridge crew of the Enterprise. In order to investigate this anomaly, the entire crew beam down to the planet, and falls into a nightmare. -

Post-Mission Reviews attached under Enterprise Report 5-2261-7a:

"Is this a mission report, or the script of your blockbuster-wannabe holovid show, Kirk?" - Admiral Bennett "Suggestions to update Starfleet Official Course Material on relevant subjects, Captain" - First Officer Spock "Definitely too old for this shit" - Chief Medical Officer McCoy "I'm never beaming down without a bottle of Scotch again, mark my words" - Chief Engineer Scott "It was fun up until it happened to me" - Helmsman Sulu "Vodka cake deserved by all" - Navigator Chekov "Captain, should I put in a footnote explaining the farm animal reference?" - Communications Officer Uhura "That's it, privilege for PMRs closed. Kirk Out." - Captain Kirk

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11135340 out of obscurity into the dream by spectralPhobia 87k, Kirk/Spock, AU, adventure,

Started as a Tangled AU fusion with Star Trek 2009, developed into its own thing. Spock has lived an entire life in seclusion, brought up by a Romulan to believe he was one too. Convinced his telepathy was a rare gift that must be protected at all costs, he was prohibited to touch anyone and leave the house. Jim Kirk comes across him accidentally after he was hired to steal a Vulcan artefact. Together, they start an adventure of finding a soulmate in each other and preventing another catastrophe from happening after the artefact turns out to be a part of an ancient psionic weapon.

Also known as “How I almost died three times in two days and found my soulmate”, an autobiography by J.T. Kirk.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077361 a sequence that you never learned by annataylor 64k, Kirk/Spock, kid fic, fake marriage,

"'Spock,' Jim breathes out, completely overwhelmed by the gesture—not quite believing that Spock knows him so well, that's he's already started researching, that he trusts Jim with a member of his own endangered species."

When Jim gets it in his head to adopt an eight year old Vulcan, Spock presents a logical solution to the issue of Jim's humanity: marriage to a Vulcan citizen.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/208971 Of Twin Stars and Other Eccentric Satellites by winterhill 30k, Kirk/Spock,

A year into the mission, Spock and Jim have got on with things and are well on their way to that great destined friendship -- or maybe more. There’s spanner in the works, though, when a group of colonists exploring an unknown part of New Vulcan go missing, and the Enterprise crew is called in to help. The problem? The Vulcan High Council has insisted they take a guide — Spock’s wife, T’Pring.

Voltron

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14873321 Our Future Hearts by mizufallsfromkumo 4k, Lance/Shiro, time travel, established relationship, emotional h/c,

“You know, you could warn a guy, if you’re going to drop out of nowhere.” The man said dramatically as he pulled his hand away.

It caused Shiro to look up from the note, in surprise, his brows pulling together. Because that wasn’t how it worked. There is nothing he can do in warning, he never knows where he’s going, and when he’ll end up.

“Not you you,” The man huffed with a roll of his blue eyes. Almost like he knew what Shiro was going to say. He gestured at Shiro lazily, before he grinned. “But, you know, older you can warn me. Scared me half to death, face planting in the grass like you did.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16114160 Milkshakes by General_Button 6k, Lance/Shiro, male lactation,

In order to ensure a fruitful alliance with a species of animal-like aliens called the Ankarine, Shiro takes one for the team and consumes a traditional dish that ends up having unforeseen consequences.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12593748 i need my monster by mettaverse 4k, Lance/Shiro, AU, injury, monster!Lance, h/c,

“Are you okay?” asks a voice from under his bed.

Shiro stiffens. He holds his breath. Maybe it's the drugs-

“Hey,” says the voice. Then, a flicker in the peripherals of his vision is a- tail? Long and skinny, like it's out of an honest to god comic book, of all things. Like a devil's.“Are you okay?”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11343876 Hell and High Water by StarrBomb 39k, Lance/Shiro, AU, mermaids,

All his life, he's known these three things.

The darkness.

Loneliness.

And fear.

But he soon comes to understand a much more different and harsher meaning behind these things. And somehow, he ends up finding something he never knew he needed.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019165 Twelve Nights by WildWolf25 19k, Shiro/Pidge, AU, trans character, She’s The Man au

“Matt, I think I can safely say that this is the dumbest idea you’ve ever come up with, including the time you thought you could put marshmallows in your hot chocolate before microwaving it and it exploded.” Katie said flatly.

“Come on, Katie, please?” Matt clasped his hands together in front of him. “I will pay you in jars of peanut butter. A lifetime supply of cookies. A trophy that says ‘best sibling in the world’. Whatever you want.”

“It’s not going to work, Matt.” Katie sighed. “Everyone’s going to know I’m not you.”

“But that’s the thing, I don’t know anyone at that school yet.” Matt said. “No one knows me, so no one will know that you’re not me.”

(Matt needs everyone to think he's at school for a couple of weeks and convinces Katie to disguise herself as him, leading to an awkward crush on his roommate, Shiro, a very ambitious astronomy class competition, new friends, and maybe some bruised hearts if the truth gets out)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102285 Kafka's Revenge by Bellybits 21k, Keith/Lance, xenobiology, mild body horror, trans character,

Keith's been worried about what his Galra genes meant for him for a while. He's been expecting some horrific transmutation, to turn into some kind of monster despite the comforts of his peers.

But he wasn't a monster, and it isn't a catastrophic change. It was slow and gradual in the way most metamorphoses were.

He had thought that going through two puberties was bad- and now he was having a third one. Great.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17183669 Starbound by fenfyre (Jace) 3k, Lance/Shiro, pining,

Lance expected nothing more but good company when Shiro showed up on the farm one day but old and new feelings soon catch up to them.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16873671 Good Luck Kiss by OverMyFreckledBody 1k, Lance/Shiro, accidental kissing,

An accidental kiss leads to more... not so accidental ones.

Teen Wolf

https://archiveofourown.org/works/862347 Just Been Born by idyll 3k, gen, gender swap, trans!Derek,

“The mage's spell seems to have changed your sex.”

Derek inhales raggedly, then slowly looks down at his chest—at his breasts.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4012684 Cross a Canyon (with a broken limb) by theroguesgambit 18k, Stiles/Derek, fake relationship, pining,

“You never graduated,” Stiles says, just to say it. To test it out in the open air. That's... huh.

Stiles spends his senior year battling troll-gremlins, taking on an unexpected tutoring job, and definitely not falling for a certain sourwolf (even though everyone else seems to think he is).

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1828693 Pinch Me by Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth) 12k, Stiles/Derek(/Nogitsune), angst, possession, and then not, disassociation, identity issues,

It doesn't work. When the nogitsune crumbles to ash, he's weakened, but he's right back in Stiles head with his damn riddles. And Stiles feels like he's not just losing control, but also losing himself.

But no one can lose their shadow.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2118756 (Rode Hard) Put Away Wet by calrissian18 3k, Stiles/Derek, scent marking,

As it turns out, the etiquette for joining a werewolf pack is a little bit more involved than saying, "Whatever, fine, I'm in." There's, like, stupid werewolf rules. Because someone put stupid werewolves in charge.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/577223 Highly Inappropriate by asocialfauxpas (fuzzytomato) 5k, Stiles/Derek, h/c, frottage,

Derek was drugged and literally covered in blood and Stiles was about to crumple under the weight of guilt that came with being an impulsive idiot, but for some reason his dick wasn’t getting the message that this was by no means a sexy situation.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/644558 Flying Changes by otter 10k, Stiles/Derek, AU, horsies,

Derek's a dressage rider with a reputation for frowning and making people cry. Stiles is an acrobatic stunt rider whose resume includes medieval-themed dinner shows and the actual circus. Derek's an Olympian, he doesn't need this shit.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/614271 Dog Days by flaming_muse 15k, Stiles/Derek, wolf!Derek,

Stiles has always wanted a dog, so he should be happy when he finds himself suddenly in possession of one, right? Unfortunately, it’s more complicated than that. Or, the one where Derek is turned into a puppy.

pre-slash set after season 2, no spoilers for season 3

warnings for humor, all of season two, repercussions of canonical deaths, brief panic attacks, lots of adverbs, and Stiles hitting his head a few times

https://archiveofourown.org/works/586648 Bingo by betp 23k, Stiles/Derek, sex pollen,

Derek scowls.

Or, the one that was supposed to be every item on the Sterek bingo chart and ended up being a Derek manpain feels jamboree.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/798827 Switching Goals by betp 3k Stiles/Derek, rule 63, established relationship,

“You’re kind of cute,” Lydia says, changing the subject, “in a sort of… lost baby squirrel in a pixie cut sort of way.”

“Great,” he says, fumbling ineptly with the clasp on the bra. “Th… thanks, Lydia, that’s… quite the endorsement. I’m vermin.”

Lydia and Erica peaceably watch him fuck around with the hooks for a full five minutes, this look on their faces like justice is finally being delivered. Stiles refuses to lose his temper with the thing in front of them, so he just doggedly keeps at it. Eventually, Lydia says, “We might have to invest in a frontal clasp for you.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/665066 let me in lover, be kind by orphan_account 3k, Stiles/Derek, emotional smut,

It's a cosmic balancing act.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17591744 (this isn’t exactly) where you’d want me by decideophobia 19k, Stiles/Derek, AU, pining, doctor!Derek, snark,

“Do you even have any nice and soothing words in your repertoire?” Stiles asks, holding still while McBroody shines a light into his eyes. “Or is it only me who they let you loose on?”

“I actually just downloaded a new set of comforting phrases to use on patients this morning but I haven’t had a chance to listen to and internalize them yet. I do know how to say, Good news: you’re not dead, and We only need to take off one of your legs, though.”

OR, the one where Stiles keeps ending up in the ER and Derek almost gets brain damage from so much stupid.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13001157 Detect by twilight_shades 9k, Stiles/Derek, canon-AU,

Derek is a fake psychic (that’s an accident). Stiles goes to work for him (that’s deliberate). Stiles is pretty good at figuring things out (that’s alarming). Derek is pretty slow at figuring himself out (that’s unsurprising).

https://archiveofourown.org/works/946982 The Newlywed Game by Captain_Loki 19k, Stiles/Derek, fake dating, UST,

Stiles is (still) single when the pack's getaway to the Caribbean comes by (oh misplaced optimism); lucky for him Derek is committed to being uncommitted and even after all these years is still powerless against Stiles' unique forms of persuasion.

Cue a romantic getaway for two: sun, sand, and sarcasm abound...and the two roped into competing in the Resort's version of the Newlywed game. Only it's completely obvious it's going to end in disaster. Probably homicide.

Most probably homicide.

Plot twist: It doesn't.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/581046 things that fly, but cannot land by growlery writes (growlery) 12k, Lydia/Stiles/Allison, AU, poly,

If Allison has to explain to one more person that she is not dating her ex-boyfriend’s best friend (and really, she broke up with Scott so long ago that the ‘ex-boyfriend’ part has mostly dropped off that title) she is going to explode. Especially now that Stiles has a girlfriend of his own, a girlfriend Allison is definitely not attracted to. Or jealous of. Danny has no idea what he’s talking about, except for the fact that he actually kind of does.

(or, the one where Allison writes about werewolves, Stiles is her roommate and everyone is in love with Lydia.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16485551 With Eyes, and Hands to Touch by red_crate 37k, Stiles/Derek, AU, teenage!Derek, accidental voyeurism,

The summer before high school starts, and all Stiles wants to do is hang out with Scott and work on his plan to win over Lydia.

But then Scott's brother, Derek, becomes an accidental distraction.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16177544 Dangerous Curves & Divine Moves by TaraSoleil 30k, Stiles/Derek, rule 63,

When Stiles wakes up as a girl, there's only one thing he can think to blame: the nogitsune. And that bastard didn't leave any instructions on how to turn him back to normal. Now Stiles is the only one freaking out, and Derek is being weird(er).

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195975 Stupid Say What? by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) 8k, Stile/Derek, accidental relationship,

Stiles shoved another bite into his mouth, glancing over at Boyd and Erica. Boyd was smiling down into his eggs benedict and Erica was grinning at Stiles.

He frowned in confusion, his chewing slowing. Tucking the food into one cheek, he asked, “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just nice. I like when the four of us come out together. Our little double dates,” she teased, stabbing her fork into a strawberry and putting it between her lips.

Stiles snorted at her comment, since this wasn’t a double date—he wished—but didn’t comment on it because he liked their outings, too. Even if he whined incessantly about it until he got there, it was always a good time.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16813009 Words Cannot Espresso How Much You Bean to Me by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) 68k, Stiles/Derek, AU, mates, puns,

“You’re late,” Derek informed him coldly, jaw clenched. He barely even moved his mouth to speak. This guy was seriously scary.

And because Stiles was suicidal, he said, “No, I’m Stiles.”

The look he got could’ve curdled milk. Stiles even noticed that Derek’s muscles were tensing, arms bulging even more and wowthis guy was scary and hot but mostly scary holy shit.

“You’re not funny,” Derek informed him coldly.

Stiles shrugged. “I think that’s a matter of opinion.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17785586 Strike Me A Match by clotpolesonly 11k, Stiles/Derek, superhero!Stiles, pining, soulmates,

Derek stared at the reporter on the campus lounge’s television screen, gleefully reporting on Ignition’s latest fight. Behind her floated a photograph of him mid-battle, zoomed in on where his bodysuit had been slashed open across his left shoulder blade. It was a little blurry, a little pixelated, but more than clear enough to get a good look at the black mark on the bare skin there.

“Oh shit,” came Erica’s delighted voice as she dropped down onto the couch beside Derek. “Let the circus begin!”

Derek’s his heart dropped; circus was right. He resisted the impulse to reach for the spot on his own shoulder blade that itched and burned. It wouldn’t do him any good. He could make all the calls, send in all the verifiably undoctored photos of identical marks, make all the noise and fuss he wanted. With the buzz and the confusion, it wouldn’t matter. No one would believe him.

True match-ups never made it through a circus like this.

In which Derek discovers his soulmate is a superhero too far out of his reach to ever actually be with. But it doesn't feel right to flirt back at Stiles now either, no matter how much Derek wants to. Amazing or not, he's not Derek's soulmate.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18650299 What Fresh Twilight Bullshit Is This? by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) 196k, Stiles/Derek, soulmates, pining,

“I am not Bella!” he insisted, shaking his fist angrily at Jackson, as if he’d been the one to suggest he was. “I am not Bella! I am, like, a Jacob, at least!”

Lydia made a noise of debate from his right and he whipped around to look at her.

“What?! What was that sound?!”

“You’re more of a Mike,” she insisted, shrugging neatly and flipping some curls over her shoulder.

“Wha—” Stiles had never been so offended in his life! “I am not! No way! I am a solid Jacob!”

“Mike,” she argued.

“Who’s Mike?” Scott asked.

“Shut up, Scott!” Stiles insisted, pointing a finger at him but still glaring at Lydia.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19008223 tasting heartbeats in skin tears by OverMyFreckledBody 5k, Stiles/Derek, 5+1, ust, licking, untimely boners,

After a battle resulting in Stiles getting a cut on his face, he discovers that the werewolf healing can be transferred through the saliva. After that, he seems to be a magnet for getting hurt - more so than usual.

Derek is surprisingly helpful about it all. Now, only if Stiles could get through their licking sessions without embarrassing himself.

[Or, 5 Times Derek Healed Stiles with his Magic Werewolf Spit + the 1 Time He Left a Mark of his Own.]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17936444 Care for Me, As I've Never Known by lavenderlotion 2k, pre-Peter/Stiles,

“Why...why did you offer me the bite?” Stiles asked quietly, the cover of night and the hum of the Jeep’s engine giving him courage he wouldn’t usually have.

Peter hummed thoughtfully, taking a turn smoothly. “That is quite the question you’re asking. I’m not sure the answer is one you would be happy to hear.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9318200 Help Wanted (But Not Really) by reillyblack 26k, Stiles/Derek, AU,

"Stiles, I'll clear up your confusion about the position. Derek here needs someone to live with him. He's a difficult person to live with, so I won't sugarcoat that. But his responsibilities at the company right now make it impossible for him to actually take care of himself and his home. That would be your job," Laura explained.

Both Stiles and Derek objected at the same time.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16555949 Child King by ShanaStoryteller 66k, light Stiles/Derek, AU,

Stiles is born with red eyes.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17049731 No Mercy by Gia279 64k, Stiles/Derek, AU,

The story of the Boy King was this: when he was sixteen, the Stilinski kingdom was at war with the Novak kingdom. King John was on the front lines with his soldiers when his teenage heir came to check in with him. The king was struck down in a nighttime attack, in front of the boy. The boy took up the king’s dropped sword, mounted his war steed, and slaughtered the enemy forces.

When the remaining soldiers surrendered, he cut them down with his father’s sword and returned home a boy king with a bloodstained reputation.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16919445 Let It Burn Fast by RurouniHime 32k, Stiles/Derek, sex magic, pining,

“So.” Stiles rubs his thighs, snaps his fingers again restlessly and looks around. “Thoughts? Comments? Revisions you’d like to submit for consideration?”

Derek weighs it. “Stiles, are you asking me to have sex with you for the good of the pack?”

“I—yeah.” Stiles blinks a couple times, then smiles again. “Yeah, I guess I am. That is the thing that I am doing.”

(or, the one where Stiles proposes no-strings-attached sex for Magical Reasons and Derek somewhat unwisely agrees.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18850138 Love Story by skoosiepants 3k, Stiles/Derek,

"Huh." Derek looks less concerned than Stiles thinks this situation warrants, but his hands wander up to cup his face and his mouth opens up over his again and all the bones in Stiles's legs melt, so he has to, like, prop himself up against Derek's entire front.

Derek says, "Okay?" when he pulls back slightly and Stiles manages an eloquent, "Buh."

Or –

A spell made them do it. Sure, Stiles. That works.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757842 Open Your Eyes, Don't Walk Blind by Ragga 14k, Derek/Stiles/Peter, pining, Sheriff & Cora brotp

The Sheriff of Beacon Hills could be called many things but willingly blind was not one of them. When the supernatural world was shoved before his eyes and he found his son right in the middle of it, there was no other choice for him but to follow in Stiles' footsteps. And he did, willingly; there was nothing in the world he wouldn't do for him.

He just wasn't expecting to find out the things he did while learning how to swim in the deep.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14869391 Once Upon a Dream by Ragga 19k, Peter/Stiles, dream walking, h/c,

It was like the door was on fire.

Stiles stood there, staring. As the realization sunk in, he slowly reached for the doorknob. He grabbed it. It burned, as if blazing hot and freezing cold at the same time. He was stuck, fascinated, and then the door clicked-

-and he was blasted with rage and grief so powerful the next thing he saw was the ceiling of his room.

Who was that?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19223467 There’s No Escape for the Potato Man by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) 53k, Stiles/Derek, AU, texting,

“Who is this? Where’s Erica?”

“Wrong number, asshole!”

“Stop calling me an asshole,” the man on the other end snapped aggressively.

Stiles could understand. He’d be pretty aggressive too if he’d murdered someone and texted a wrong number to ask for help burying the body. This guy obviously failed How To Be a Serial Killer 101.

“What kind of idiot thinks I murdered someone?”

“The kind of idiot who got your text messages, you fucking dumbass!” he retorted hotly. “Maybe double check your contacts before sending a random stranger details on your nefarious plans to dispose of a freshly cut up body!”

“What?!” the guy on the other end demanded, crossed between horrendously confused and livid.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12849630 like black moonrise (his voice fell still) by OverMyFreckledBody 1k, Stiles/Derek, UST, oral kink,

"Shut up," Derek rumbles, close, dangerously close.

"Or I'll make you."

-- He does.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12510356 kisses unclean like the words you say by Omorika (Zercalo) 19k, Stiles/Derek, psuedo-incest,

There are less torturous things than to live under the same roof with Derek Hale (and his entire family) - it's just that Stiles can't think of any right now.

. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14682198 You’re an Understatement (you’re getting worse) by LadySlytherin 13k, Stiles/Derek, AU, neckz’n’throats,

Erica’s goal in life was to be hired by Neckz’n’Throats. Not as a model, though she knew she was hot enough for that. No, she wanted to be behind the camera. And to do that, she needed two things. A glowing recommendation, and a portfolio that would grab their attention; that would make them take her seriously. For that, she needed the right models. Thankfully, she knew just who to ask.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2124261 I’ll take hold of you by Lessandra 30k, Stiles/Derek, AU, touch kink,

If Stiles could boil his life down to one moment, it would be this: his hand in Derek’s hand, radiating warmth as they sit together—on the edge of the forest, in Stiles’s living room, on the terrace of Derek’s house, wherever—and wait for the morning to come.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/998921 Stiles, why is Derek Hale passed out on our front porch? by marguerite_26, mothlights 4k, Stiles/Derek, bonding, h/c,

Stiles doesn't hear the knock on his front door, but he figures there must have been one, because now his dad's calling out to him,

"Stiles, do you know why Derek Hale just passed out on our front porch?"

Stiles freezes, carton of milk half way to his mouth. He looks around the empty room, wondering if it has any answers. Derek Hale just passed out on his front porch -- sounds like one of the signs of the coming apocalypse.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17216009 Risky Business by skoosiepants 14k, Stiles/Derek, canon-AU,

Stiles stumbles back when Derek takes a step toward him, but still says, "Tell me, did you offer Isaac, Erica and Boyd 'the bite,' too?" He's not proud of the air quotes he uses, but it's too late to rethink them now—Derek lunges at him with a growl and Stiles trips over his own feet and falls on his ass on the rocky ground. "What the fuck, Derek?"

"You don't know what you're talking about," Derek says. He crouches over Stiles, insanely thick thighs bracketing Stiles's raised knees. His eyes flash red.

Stiles sucks in a breath, heart beating high and terrified in his throat. He barely has enough breath to rasp, "What the fuck?" again.

There's a growl low in Derek's chest. He says, "You can tell Scott that if he shows up with you, the deal's off."

or -

An AU where Scott was never bit by Peter Hale, Derek actually manages to be a good alpha, and Stiles gets kidnapped a lot.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11268102 Blackbird by skoosiepants 25k, Stiles/Derek, canon-AU,

Stiles groans and drops his face into his hands. “I’m seventeen, I can kind of use mountain ash and I can explode houses when I’m mad enough. How am I gonna win any kind of magic fight?”

“We’ll work on it,” Deaton says, as infuriatingly calm as ever. “The important thing to remember, Stiles, is that when everything else is chaos, you’re the port in the storm.”

Or-

Laura Hale never died, and Stiles is magic.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/34660 Tell me what Pack Means series by afullrevolution 22k, Stiles/Derek, AU, space, cuddling,

Fourteen days into a two year mission, Stiles finds out that his companion for the voyage is a werewolf. Stiles wants to know what it means.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5822248 Tell me Where it Hurts by Gia279 45k, Stiles/Derek, AU, wolf!Derek, curses,

Stiles learns to do magick and Derek is cursed to walk the woods on four legs and keep his silence.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17415641 Under the Wolf Moon (Formerly Erase/Rewind) by Pdxtrent 102k, Siles/Derek, canon-AU, fix-it, slow build,

Laura Hale has disappeared. But from there, things go very very differently. Expect adults acting like adults, and actual communication and not terrible decision making.

************************************

He packed a bag as quickly as he could and grabbed his passport just in case. He looked around the apartment, glanced at his sister’s closed bedroom door and then walked out.

An hour later he was at the airport.

Two hours after that he was in the air.

Seven hours after that he was touching down in San Francisco.

Another hour and he was getting into the rental car that would take him to literally the last place on earth he ever wanted to return: Beacon Hills, California.

Four hours later he stopped in Redding for food and gas. He hated Redding. He hated California. He hated every hour that took him closer to Beacon Hills and to the memories he couldn’t escape. He knew that, most of all, he hated himself. Death and disaster followed him like a shadow. First it was Paige, then his family, and now Laura was missing.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3387539 I'll be right back (in 24 years) by AnaIsFangirling (Ana_K_Lee) 48k, Stiles/Derek, time travel, de-aged!Derek, slow build, fix-it,

When Derek thought about time travel – and he did, a lot – this was not what he'd had in mind. He'd thought he would see his younger self, tell him to leave Paige alone and NEVER trust Kate Argent. He'd thought he’d get to come back once that was done and everything would be perfect. He never imagined having to relive his entire life.

comment: can i just.. highlight that “entire life”, is entirely literal and i am LIVING for it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/579880 Derek Hale's Seduction Techniques by omelet 6k, Stiles/Derek, pining,

It doesn't sit well with Stiles, the thing at the police station and with Erica. It niggles at him from the back of his mind, screaming PAY ATTENTION TO ME. Because Derek's apparently familiar enough with flirting to do it successfully, like it's something that comes naturally to him, but what kind of broody misanthropic guy flirts?

https://archiveofourown.org/series/32393 Most Important Meal of the Day series by peroxidepest17 11k, Stiles/Derek,

The one where Derek is like a box of Kix (or something).

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045495 Unbroken by Piscaria 43k, Stiles/Derek, cancer, werewolf!Stiles, made them do it, bloodplay, mating bond,

When Stiles starts getting sick, he assumes his appetite loss and lethargy stem from the darkness the Nemeton left in his heart. But soon enough, even he can’t deny that he’s showing the same symptoms his mom had. When he's forced to face the truth about his illness, Stiles finds himself making a choice he never thought he’d make.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13119609 Start Small, Like Oak Trees by SmallBirds 24k, Stiles/Derek, the sheriff is amazing,

The months following Allison's death have passed Stiles by in a haze of monotony. He sleepwalks through days that seem to lose their color, an unwilling passenger in a body he no longer trusts. Eventually, he thinks, he'll just fade away. He isn't sure anyone would notice. Then, during a spur of the moment grocery run, he stumbles upon Derek Hale attempting to console a lost child, and for the first time in recent memory the world doesn't seem so awful. He's not sure what he'd been expecting when he eventually convinces Derek to move into the Stilinski's spare bedroom, but a newfound passion for weeding and topsoil certainly isn't it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11748945 Scrubbing Bubbles by MargaretKire 46k, Stiles/Derek, AU, scent kink,

Stiles thought it would be easy doing janitorial work for an office. At first, it really was. The job only took a few hours in the evenings and it helped pay for rent and college. Sure, Hale Industries took up an entire floor in one of the downtown financial buildings, but the place was new and easy to care for. He didn’t even have to spend much time cleaning the huge corner office, because the trash was nearly always empty and the office itself was spotless, like no one used it.

It was basically the perfect college job. At least, until the boss started staying late.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4273428 Into The Open Air by Acherona, trulywicked 99k, Stiles/Derek, AU, kid fic, huamn alpha!Stiles,

It was a little strange moving back to Beacon Hills. His daughter becoming enchanted with his odd and very attractive neighbor didn't really help matters.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13560651 What Goes Around by KouriArashi 71k, Stiles & Peter, Stiles/Derek, canon-AU, BAMF!Stiles, killer!Stiles,

“Well,” Stiles says, “if they’re going to hunt werewolves, I’m going to hunt them.”

It’s a ridiculous statement from a ten-year-old, but he’s obviously one hundred percent sincere. For the first time since the fire, Peter feels life stir inside him, feels purpose. It’s kismet, clearly. He’ll never meet the child he would have had with Olivia. Instead he’s met this boy, this brilliant, determined, cynical child with a world of potential.

Peter kneels down in front of him so they’re at eye level. “How do you feel about doing that together?”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14716970 Truth and Consequences by KouriArashi 45k, Peter/Stiles, slow build, h/c

“The place you give the Bite has meaning," Derek says. "Biting someone on the side is to make them your beta. It makes them your subordinate, but it also invites them into the pack with the full protection of the alpha. Biting someone on the legs indicates that you’re turning them to an omega. And biting someone on the arm, particularly the wrist, turns someone as your equal. It’s a mating ritual.”

Stiles nearly chokes on a mouthful of granola. “A what?”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070471 With or Without You by KouriArashi 62k, Stiles/Derek, AU, fake dating, UST, mating rituals,

Derek thinks that the mating rituals are overly romanticized bullshit, but claiming a mate and defending them from challengers is something werewolves do, and his pack can't afford to appear weak after the fire. Especially not when Deucalion and his friends are in town for the rituals. Enter Stiles Stilinski, who offers to let Derek claim him so he won't be overrun at the ceremonies. Nothing goes as expected.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/485744 The Domestication of Canis Lupus by zoemathemata 3k, pre-Stiles/Derek, wolf!derek,

The age old story of a boy and his dog werewolf. They play in the woods, they go for walks. They don’t talk about it. Ever.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/629986 til the earth dies with the sun by callunavulgari 11k, Stiles/Derek,female!Derek, mythology,

“What are you doing to yourself, Derek?” — In which there is a retelling of season one, wolf pelts of selkie-esque origins, Derek fucking up, and Derek realizing that she can, in fact, forgive herself.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/532745 In quiet, a favor by Helenish 12k, Stiles/Derek,

“You like happy endings, huh?” Stiles says, lying pressed in against his back, sliding his fingers along the edge of Derek’s chest, along his ribs and up his sternum.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/550685 this boy, half-destroyed by M_Leigh 25k, Stiles/Derek, derek hale and his infinite pain, 2pov,

"Bodies – those are something you understand, mostly; you know immediately exactly how much smaller he is than the last time you saw him. Too skinny, too pale; his cheeks cave in a little too much, from his face. He’s a shadow of something: he looks like the dead walking. His hands are stuffed down in the pockets of his hoodie and he looks tentative but not afraid."

Derek Hale used to have a family. Now, he's got a teenage human more trouble than he's worth. Post-S2.

2nd pov done RIGHT

https://archiveofourown.org/works/730880 Rattle This Ghost Town by whiskey_in_tea 20k, Stiles/Derek, pack dynamics,

The Second Annual Totally Democratic Meeting of the Equals of the Beacon Hills Werewolf Pack does not go any better than the first one did.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11509980 Under the Songbird’s Wing by mia6363 87k, Peter/Stiles, AU, PTSD, captivity, trauma, touch starved, pack bonding,

Captivity easily destroys the will of escape. It can break the fiercest of animal. It can strip the most regal man and woman down to nothing but animal needs.

Captivity can, if met with unwavering determination, shape a person into something unimaginable.

Stiles is sixteen when he's captured. Stiles's first thought is, "I won't die here."

dark af but deep and lovely and definitely one of the best fics i’ve ever read

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19274371 Bad Blood by DiscontentedWinter 62k, Stiles/Derek, Peter&Stiles, AU, hunter hunting!Stiles, murder,

Stiles Stilinski was taken from Beacon Hills when he was ten years old. Now, six years later, he’s a trained hunter, and he’s back to help the Argents finish the job they started.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6798541 Wolfsbane by DiscontentedWinter 48k, Stiles/Derek, AU, torture, captivity, kate argent as a warning,

Kate Argent has kept a little trophy of the Hale fire for all these years - Derek Hale. When Deputy Stiles Stilinski finds him, he doesn't just need to rescue Derek from the Argents. He needs to rescue Derek from his past.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19981762 hold on to me because i'm a little unsteady by starcanopus 6k, Stiles/Derek, AU, time travel, hale family,

“Derek.” Stiles casts a slightly nervous glance around the cafeteria, eyes widening. He's a little surprised that Stiles knows his name.

Derek can feel his teammates’ gazes on him, can hear their confused whispers. He doesn’t care. There’s just…something about Stiles, and despite his parents’ warnings (“be careful of that Stilinski boy, son, he doesn’t feel right”), Derek wants to know more. He wants to know why Stiles is always alone and why, despite the sarcastic grin that seems permanently etched over his lips, he sometimes reeks of grief and rage.

“Can I sit here?”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153006 Sleep Awhile by allyasavedtheday 7k, Stiles/Derek, bed sharing, fluff,

Stiles and Derek decide to take part in some mutually beneficial naptime

https://archiveofourown.org/works/628714 The Mending That You Need by torakowalski 3k, Stiles/Derek, subdrop, aftercare,

“He’s not my boyfriend, Stiles. He’s a man from a club. I couldn’t call him, if I wanted to.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/824824 Wash Me Clean by tigerlady (shetiger) 37k, Stiles/Derek, first time, scent marking, watersports, ritualistic sex,

Derek doesn't know what the alpha pack is planning, so all he can do is keep watch on everyone they might target. Stiles is so not on board with that plan. Somehow their clash of wills leads to a sexual relationship Derek knows he should put an end to—if he can just get himself to do so.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/673925 That's What Friends Are For by tigerlady (shetiger) 6k, Scott/Stiles, genderswap, first time,

Somehow, Scott managed to wind up on the wrong end of a genderswapping spell.

Turns out, it's not a completely bad thing.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/558702 he pushed inside and made me new by tigerlady (shetiger) 11k, Lydia/Stiles, fuck buddies,

"I love Jackson," she says as soon as she's close enough that she doesn't have to raise her voice.

"Okay?" Stiles glances left to right, like her meaning is crouched in the darkness somewhere. "I love Taco Tuesdays. Back to you."

They go back to school in the fall, and everyone acts like it's all okay. Like none of it ever happened. That's all right, because Lydia could have an Oscar someday. If she wanted one.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13580295 How We Got Here by Areiton 9k, Stiles/Derek, bed sharing, domestic fluff, didn’t know they were dating,

Maybe if you fight the creatures of the night together like they did, if you bury enough friends and strangers and enemies, you don’t lose touch.

He thinks that’s why he and Derek are friends--because Derek understands his nightmares, understands the nights when he can’t talk, and the nights he can’t stand the dark.

OR: Against all odds and expectations, Stiles and Derek have become respectable adults ( WHY?) and friends.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030350 Unlucky Ace by MissAnnThropic 41k, Laura/OMC, Stiles/Derek,

Laura Hale brings her boyfriend home to meet the family, and there is something absolutely terrifying about the Hales.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7740541 Sanctuary by DiscontentedWinter 56k, Peter/Stiles, past torture, PTSD, scars,

The Hale Wolf Sanctuary isn’t just for wolves.

It turns out it’s for Stilinskis as well.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16619414 Baby Daddy by DiscontentedWinter 55k, Stiles/Derek, canon-AU,

Laura Hale decides it's time to expand her pack. And Stiles could really use the money. And Derek... well, that's when things get complicated.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3195734 Home by TheTypewriterGirl 167k, Stiles/Derek, h/c, depression,

January seventh. Seven days since the start of 2015, and seven days since his father’s death.

The bastard, he thinks bitterly. The past year Derek Hale had made it blatantly obvious that he hated his scrawny guts, taking every given opportunity to shove him up against a wall, growl threats in his ears and roll his eyes whenever he stepped into the room, muttering some snide comment about how spastic or idiotic he was.

So why did he fucking volunteer to take him in?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943391 Whatever Works by KouriArashi 61k, Peter/Stiles, Stiles/Derek, soulmates, asexuality, aromantic, polyamory,

The problem with having your soulmate's first words to you tattooed on your arm is knowing your whole life that you're fated to be with a jerk. It's enough to make Stiles want to date other people ... which is how he winds up dating his soulmate's nephew.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4070788 Call My Name by KouriArashi 81k, Peter/Stiles, mystery, angst, mental health issues, mating bond,

After moving to Beacon Hills, Stiles starts having recurring dreams of a man in some kind of prison, who needs his help. Things get so bad that he ends up in Eichen House, where he finds out that the man is real.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18388196 A Match Unmade in Beacon Hills by KouriArashi 47k, Stiles/Derek, AU, soulmates, pining,

Derek met his soulmate Kate Argent when he was 15, and he's tried for years to understand why his soulmate is so cruel to him. Then he meets Stiles Stilinski, who has no soulmate mark, an extremely rare phenomenon. Stiles thinks that he's destined to be alone forever, but apparently fate has other plans...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2533796 Devil of Mercy by KouriArashi 82k, Peter/Stiles, AU, mystery, mating bond, sexual assault, prostitution, pack politics,

Peter's heard people talk about what it felt like when they saw their mate for the first time, from those who actually believe in the mystical bullshit. Like a magnet, like gravity. Peter just feels... sharply curious.

Marvel

all of the universes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14826525 in cayenne and honey, in vinegar and lime by alby_mangroves, Nonymos 27k, M’Baku/Bucky, Steve/Bucky, enemies to lovers,

M’Baku fought for T’Challa. But should he keep fighting for T’Challa’s vision? The king is professing change, such deep change, while the Jabari are supposed to be the guardians of tradition.

It’s a complex problem, which demands a cool head. So M’Baku could really do without an old love coming back to haunt him, an obnoxious royal teenager, and T’Challa’s secret one-armed guest.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437236 taking everyone for a ride by Nonymos 49k, Venom/Eddie, Venom/Eddie/Dan/Anne, poly, all the kink,

Things Eddie Brock flirts with on a regular basis: death, insanity, his ex, his ex’s new boyfriend, and also the alien symbiote that lives inside his body. Not bad for a loser with no game, really.

- Everything by Nonymos is pure gold, honestly.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12823671 despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by praximeter (Zimario) 71k, Steve/Bucky, body horror, drug withdrawal, angst, touch starved

“They really didn’t want the mask to come off.” Hill thumbed through the scans, and pulled out a film that she then handed over to Sam, face mostly expressionless but for the flat line of her pursed lips.

Sam accepted the film and held it up to the light, angling so both he and Steve could see it, squinting at the outline of the Winter Soldier’s skull, and the blips of unnatural white that showed up, God, in his brain, not to mention about half his teeth, plus the mask, with its thin protrusions—

“Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.”

Hill’s face was as unmoved as ever. “Like I said. They really didn’t want it coming off.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8615512 Side bitch out of your league by rohkeutta 2k, Steve/Bucky, AU, wrong number,

“I tried to call Sam,” Captain America says, bewildered. He’s sprinting like Usain Bolt and doesn’t sound even a little out of breath. Fucker. “Who’re you?”

“Someone who’s watching you live on TV,” Bucky tells him as the tiny patriotic figure on the screen takes the turns like he instructed. Bucky should probably be a lot more freaked out about this, but honestly? After a tour in the Middle East and six years as a nurse in New York, even this isn’t enough to ruffle him. One sees a lot of shit in the ER. “Also, you better hang up now, that thing is behind the next bend.”

“Uh, okay,” Captain America says. “Thanks?”

“Whatever,” Bucky says, disconnects the call and turns the TV off to get ready for his shift.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1583054 Come To Morning by orphan_account 4k, Steve/Bucky,

He figured it was natural, kind of—well, not natural, but he and Steve spent a lot of time together, and Steve didn’t get so much attention from girls, which was a crying shame because he was a good guy and a girl could do a lot worse. But it meant maybe Steve got a bit confused, because sometimes he would look at Bucky with this look. This bright, astonished look, like he was seeing something so good he couldn’t quite believe it was real. It made Bucky squirm inside, a little.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2628242 Kiss Me Hello by kehinki 5k, Steve/Bucky, fluff,

Bucky and Steve take to kissing each other hello, goodbye, goodnight. It's all very platonic until it isn't.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3765634 Painted in Indigo by nekare 11k, Steve/Bucky, pining,

“You should be careful of that one,” Mr. Hendrickson says, with a nod to Bucky outside the window. “It ain’t right. Looking at you all the time as he does. The way he should be looking at girls.”

Steve laughs, because damn, but what a ridiculous idea.

Or, five times Steve caught Bucky looking at him, and the one time he looked first.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2365754 all different names for the same thing by becausemagnets 11k, Steve/Bucky, asexual character,

"Doesn’t mean that much, you know. Plenty of guys go down to the docks every once in a while, get themselves taken care of. Their shoes shined.” He sneered at Steve, but Steve wasn’t looking at him, lost in something he’d probably never tell Bucky about. “Some of ‘em got wives and kids and everything. Sail all the way around the world to get it in Brooklyn. I’m, uh, I’m pretty good at it. Shining shoes, I mean. At least as good as a dame you’d pay for, probably. It wouldn’t mean anything if we-- did that. I mean, I could be the punk, that’s not a--”

“Bucky, shut up.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3520175 hold me until we crumble by queenklu 22k, Steve/Bucky,

“Sam told me you were watching Antiques Roadshow,” Natasha says, shaking out her hair. “I assumed it was a national emergency.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2537363 Silent thunder, as of a thousand wings by kaasknot 83k, Steve/Bucky, AU, angel!Bucky, pining, angst,

A theologian once said that angels are constructs of love and holy rage, and chained to obedience through both. Or maybe a theologian hadn't said that. Maybe it was the Bright One himself, or just Uriel being grumpy.

But Bucky knows that he loves Steve, and he loves his taskmaster of a boss even as he gripes about him over beers after work, and he loves the dames with their red, red lips and smooth, soft curves (and he loves the guys, loves their strength and the tall, proud lines of them), and he loves old Mrs. Greene even when her rheumatism acts up and she turns mean as a wet cat. But he loves Steve most of all, and if Bucky is shackled to mindless obedience because of it, he calls it a good trade, because Steven Grant Rogers is the best person he knows. When it comes down to it, he figures his desire only adds a new dimension to a love that was already there, glowing hot enough to burn.

He was sent to Earth in a cage of mortal flesh to watch over Steve, and Bucky can do no less than love him with all his heart.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1871955 Out of the Dead Land by orphan_account 62k, Steve/Bucky, identity issues, h/c,

Someone is building machines that look and act like people.

Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier tries to be Bucky Barnes.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1920351 Try jumping by brokentoy 1k, Steve/Bucky, frottage,

His legs tighten their hold and Steve grunts, pushes his head back until it thumps against the floor and Bucky looks up, takes advantage of the moment and fists his hand into Steve’s hair, right at the nape of his neck.

‘’Say uncle,’’ he says.

‘’Nope’’, Steve answers.

He pulls his hand a little, ‘’Come on.’’ Steve’s head arches with it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1560899 Jonathan to his David by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse) 9k, Steve/Bucky, codependency, small dick,

Before, Bucky loved Steve's size. After, he falls in love with the whole package.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825195 The Unlikely Summoner by Kryptaria 4k, Steve/Bucky, AU, demon!Bucky,

The fallen angel Buchuel has been summoned to the mortal world many times. Its powers have toppled kingdoms and destroyed armies. It thought it had seen it all... until a lonely young man from Brooklyn, seeking a good luck charm, accidentally summons Buchuel.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181292 Targets And Taking by Salmon_Pink Peter/Flash Thompson, bullying,

He's left his bruises on Parker, but Parker's left a mark somewhere under Flash's skin.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11211306 The Man in the Mask by thelonebamf 21k, Wade/Peter, AU,

When Wade is unceremoniously dropped off into the custody of one Dr. Parker, he assumes the man has only the worst possible intentions for one of the world's last remaining mutants. But it turns out, the universe still holds plenty of surprises for them both.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12292941 From the Mouths of Babes by CAPSING 6k, Wade/Peter, age difference, internalized victim blaming,

“There’s a guy who’s been flirting with me.” “Mhmm,” Ned turns to Peter, swallowing his bite. “Is he hot?”

(Or: Deadpool starts hitting on Spider-Man, unaware he’s a minor; ignorance turns up not to bring any bliss to either of them.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16667122 The Devil All The Time by LeafyGreenQueen773 6k, Wade/Peter, AU, crush, catholic guilt,

AU: Peter doesn't have powers, but Wade does. Peter Parker was raised Catholic by his parents, and Uncle Ben took up the gauntlet of taking Peter to mass every Sunday. Now that Ben is gone, Peter feels guilty all the time. His emerging sexuality doesn't help.

Excerpt: Peter slipped a hand under the waistband of his pajama pants; he was already hard, and sensitive. The moment he wrapped his hand around himself, he felt a bead of moisture drip out of him. “Oh God,” he murmured into the darkness. Guilt surged into his chest. With a groan, Peter pulled his hand out of his pants and grabbed onto the sheet instead. He turned onto his side and forced himself to close his eyes.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18242423 Arachnid meets Mercenary (and is happier for it) by landunderwave 11k, Wade/Peter, emotional h/c, first time, loneliness,

Spiderman is strong, fast, self-confident, sassy. Peter Parker is awkward, nerdy, socially graceless, and visibly not-human. They are both so very lonely. Enter stage left, one Merc with a Mouth, aka Deadpool, aka Wade Winston Wilson, booty-seeker extraordinaire. Also secretly lonely. Will they overcome their hangups and fall in love? Definitely, it's written in the tags.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17647748 A Study of Stairways by sparkstarthetrashcan 14k, Wade/Peter, AU, ghost fic,

Wade Wilson is a bad student. Poor grades, no attention span and not a soul to help him. Even if he tries to study he’s always distracted by his phone or a supernaturally attractive boy who showed up out of nowhere, whispering answers in his ear.

Peter, almost got into Harvard, Parker spends his time tutoring students. He’s smart enough and he’s got nothing else to do, so he might as well. But Wade’s different. He doesn’t seem to want Peter for his brain like everyone else, Wade cares about him.

Problem is, Peter isn’t normal. He’s a ghost.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664023 Weaver of Silk and Dreams by a_stands_for 73k, Wade/Peter, Peter/Johnny Storm, AU, mutant!Peter, age difference, slow burn, pining,

Ben Parker sighed as he looked up into The Thing's eyes, so expressively human in spite of the rest of his rocky appearance.

“My fifteen-year-old nephew--who's practically my own little boy!--” he choked out with a tight voice, “h-he can't pass for human anymore. He's scared, and he's isolated, and he just needs someone else to talk to! Someone who can understand. Please."

_____

Some alternate realities are unrecognizable, and some are indistinguishable. This one lies somewhere in between.

Peter Parker's life was derailed when he mutated into a strange human/spider hybrid, and he knows that's not the way things went down for him in other realities. Still, he's determined to forge a new path and make the best of it. Sometimes "the friends we made along the way" really is the greatest treasure anyone could ask for.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/561716 We Might Be Radioactive by Croik 48k, Bruce/Peter, age difference,

Peter misses his chance at saving the world alongside the Avengers, but he's not out. When he scales Stark Tower hoping to meet Tony (and possibly secure a seat on the team) he instead meets Bruce, who has taken up a temporary residence while he continues his Hulk research. The two bond over science-y things, but between Bruce's dry spell, Peter's teen hormones, and the secret identities they're still coming to grips with themselves, it doesn't take long for things to get complicated.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6578101 Calenture by Florentium 12k, Steve/Bucky, first time, body dysphoria, gender roles,

A heatwave has had Steve and Bucky cooped up in the tenement for the past couple of days and Steve is starting to wear out.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2599046 there's nothing left of you by notallbees 22k, Steve/Buck, pining, body dysphoria, emotional h/c,

Bucky’s having a hard time reconciling Captain America with the friend he left behind in Brooklyn. It’s bad enough that every time he closes his eyes he sees the inside of a torture chamber. Now, every time he opens them again, he sees a stranger with Steve Rogers’ eyes and smile.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7907179 Strays by snarklyboojum 33k, Steve/Bucky, semi-accidental voyeurism, weaponized music, surveillance,

After finding himself alone for the first time in decades, the Winter Soldier learns how to be a person again. Mostly through caring for an orphaned kitten, countless rounds of YouTube roulette, and stalking Captain America.

Or: Bucky Barnes, accidental millennial.

Naruto

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11500380 I'm falling for your eyes (but they don't know me yet) by blackkat 1k, Shisui/Naruto, gender fluid character,

Shisui is done. Gone. That’s it for him, he’s toast.

(Or, Shisui is in love. Naruto is mostly oblivious. Everyone else is entirely convinced that Shisui is a creeper.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7726795 How To Survive The Weirdest Experience Of Your Life by IncompleteSentanc (Erava) 40k, Obito/Kakashi, everybody lives nobody dies, post time travel fix-it, PTSD,

Obito has lived through the single weirdest experience of his life. Not many could say that they'd gotten crushed by a boulder, had half their body replaced by creepy alien flesh, was promptly held captive for a year by a supposed-to-be-dead Madara Uchiha, was saved by a randomly raiding pack of supervillains, then promptly killed by them, fixed up again, then dumped in a forest, and finally, FINALLY, returned home again.

Yeah.

His life has gotten pretty weird. But he's home, he has his family, and he has hope that someday soon he'll be able to say he didn't just survive the experience - but that he also come out of it pretty okay.

(Sequel to How To Save The World)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14084685 kintsukuroi by tomorrowsrain 26k, Obito/Kakashi, AU,

In which Kakashi and Obito survive the Kyuubi attack, get exiled from Konoha, learn how to survive, and still manage to become legends along the way.

(The bratty genin are unexpected, though.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10220633 Sakutaro by NikkiGrand 9k, Sakura/Sakura, rule 63, self-cest,

When Haruno Sakutaro said that he'd date the hell out of himself, he wasn't being literal.

But they say that man makes plans and God laughs, and ain't that the truth?

Somehow finding himself in an alternate dimension where he's a girl, Sakutaro finds himself venturing into unknown, salaciously ridiculous territory...for science.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14826039 three is a crowd by exarite 3k, Sakura/Neji/Shikamaru, voyeurism, exhibitionism, poly,

There's no real time and place to pinpoint how exactly the three of them began, and so all they have is this: moments in time, steps in place for the three of them to fall together.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/876332 Forbidden by enodia 2k, Sakura/Shikamaru, infidelity, secret relationship,

Sometimes what you see is what you get. Sometimes not. Sometimes only a select few know what really goes on behind the scenes. Sakura and Shikamaru are both aware of this and they prefer to keep some secrets to themselves.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13544241 J'accuse! by TipsyRaconteur 38k, Sakura/Kakashi,

In which Kakashi and Sakura make a series of escalating accusations.

-----

Glaring at him, she said accusingly, “You like me.”

His eyes widened, and a short, disbelieving laugh escaped his lips. “What, are you twelve?”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123857 An Experiment by mummapaintstheblues 140k, Sakura/Kakashi, slow burn,

Surely even the Hokage is able to indulge in the occasional mope in the privacy of his own office.. A project to get these ninja some much needed therapy brings two of them together in a unique way. It might just be enough to pull them out of the loneliness, and Kakashi is determined she won't end up like him. A long winded slow burn in which Kakashi makes questionable decisions to end his Hokagedom and Sakura continues to be awesome.

------------------------------------

Star Wars

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21798157 Binary Stars by Pawprinter 2k, Finn/Poe,

There is nothing like an approaching battle and looming death to make one come clean about their hidden feelings. Minutes before he is set to take off, Poe has one thing on his mind.

He needs to find Finn.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056386 Sehnsuch by tjiokra (scatteredmoonlight) 27k, Finn/Poe, canon-AU, conditioning, memory loss, PTSD,

Phasma issues to the FN unit refurbished datapads plundered from a demolished Resistance base, which have been refilled with First Order propaganda. Naturally, FN-2187’s datapad malfunctions and resets to its original settings. Before FN-2187 can properly panic over this, a message is sent to him by a Resistance fighter under the code name Black Leader. It’s one simple word: “Status?”

FN-2187 wakes up to the orders of committing coldblooded murder and falls asleep to the despair of the dead. He’s one step away from messing up and getting reconditioned. When Black Leader asks how he’s doing, even if the question isn’t intended for him, FN-2187 can’t help himself.

He replies, “Alive.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7423957 A Thicket of New Veins by gloss 5k, Finn/Poe, first time, PTSD, accidental stimulation,

"I'm okay." Poe grabs Finn's shoulder and tugs him closer. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"Yeah, of course, I won't." Finn nods and hope it looks reassuring. "You know, other than that one defection, I'm a pretty reliable person."

"Yeah," Poe says, and maybe it's just because they're leaning so close like they're about to share their deepest secrets, but Finn hears Poe's *breath* every bit as much as his words. "You really are. Um." Unexpected reunion, post-battle stress, and accidental stimulation=desperately needed first time.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5609887 to the sky without wings by leupagus 81k, Poe/Luke,

Poe dreams of a blue-green tree.

this is a very, very good read.

------------------------------------

Good Omens

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386730 Spoonful by Demorra (thebibliosphere) 2k, Aziraphale/Crowley,

“Nanny?”

Crowley’s head jerked up as he twisted round awkwardly in his chair to find a familiar face staring at him through the crowd, the time-altered features torn somewhere between consternation and twitching on the verge of a grin. He stared.

“Warlock?” Crowley he demanded, reaching for his glasses and only just managing to resist the urge to pull them off, “Warlock?”

----------------------------------

Merlin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/638875 The One Where Arthur Sells Tongue Cuz Being Rich is Hard Life by derryere 5k, Merlin/Arthur, AU, pining,

Arthur sells make-out lessons at a boarding school.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10991331 Heart Lines by PeaceHeather 47k, Merlin/Arthur, soulmates, asexuality,

Everyone is born with a heart line, a pigmented mark running from the heart down the left arm to the palm, which turns color when the person comes of age, telling them when it is time to seek their soulmate. Red indicates a romantic love, while blue is for platonic "heart-friends", as the minstrels called it.

Uther had always told Arthur to ignore his heart line, that it wouldn't matter who his soulmate was; princes did not marry for love, after all. If was lucky, he'd be able to keep her as a mistress, so long as he did not get any children with her. Uther hated magic and would have urged Arthur to ignore the heart line anyway, if he could.

Arthur wasn't sure his soulmate was really a woman despite Uther's assumptions. But Arthur's heart line hadn't even come into its full color yet, which meant he hadn't come of age in the eyes of the gods, despite being named crown prince by Uther. So it really didn't matter: whoever his soulmate was, he wasn't yet ready to meet them.

Then one day his heart line comes in, and it's neither red nor blue.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19835569 Show Me by tehfanglyfish 10k, Merlin/Arthur, telepathic bond, accidental voyeurism, mutual masturbation,

An attack from a vindictive sorcerer leaves Arthur able to hear Merlin's thoughts and share his dreams, revealing secrets Merlin would rather keep hidden.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3218075 Fathom Me Out by supercalvin 21k, Merlin/Arthur,

After ten years, Arthur thinks he has Merlin all figured out. But as he watches Merlin, he finds out that he has more questions than answers. The longer he thinks about it, the more uneasy he feels. So he pushes it aside. Except, he can no longer ignore the questions he has about Merlin.

Not your everyday reveal!fic.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/245495 The Promise Within by MK_Yujji 49k, Merlin/Arthur,

“This is not as destiny intended, young warlock. You are meant to be the magical side of this coin, not the young Pendragon. I can no longer clearly see what path destiny will follow.”

An ancient ceremony alters the course of destiny and everyone must face choices that no one expected. As Uther’s hatred of magic clashes with his love for his son, Arthur sees everything in a different light.

----------------------------------

Borderlands

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5784007 up into the silence, the green by bellpickle 78k, Handsome Jack/Rhys, AU,

Rhys thought he was ready for anything when he arrived on Helios as a newly minted Hyperion worker bee. Until the CEO was murdered on his very first day.

-----

"Hey there, kiddos! Handsome Jack here. I’m sure you’ve all heard the good news by now, or at least waved at it as it floated by the windows. If you look real closely at Mr Tassiter’s frostbitten face, you can see the tear streaks from when he cried like a pansy bitch in his final moments. Good times!”

“Anyway, just wanted to tell you all how honored I am to know that you dirty ingrates are already making attempts on my life. I’m expecting at least one more before the day’s end, so don’t disappoint me. I’ll be waiting."

-----

The story of how Rhys fell in love with the most hated man in six galaxies.

----------------------------------

Hannibal

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10505733 The Fault in My Code by LiaS0 90k, Will/Hannibal, AU, soulmates, manipulation, gaslighting, murder,

Soulmate AU: Soulmates find their other half when they look into their eyes. After the next time they sleep, they wake with one eye the color of their intended.

Will Graham avoids eyes. He's never wanted a soulmate, never wanted to be told by the universe who he was supposed to feel a connection to. He already struggles enough with connections, thank you very much. As a psychiatrist, he works with soulmates who have lost their other half through various means, part of a social system that regards the journey to your soulmate as the most important thing a person can do. Coerced by Jack Crawford to consult on a case where the assailant is targeting soulmates, Will finds himself turning to the notorious Dr. Lecter to gain insight on how he's choosing the soulmates to target.

Things go horribly awry when he looks into Hannibal's eyes, though. The next morning, he wakes up with one eye blue, the other maroon. He's never wanted a soulmate, least of all one behind bars for murdering dozens of people and eating them. Hannibal thinks it's delightful -it's been dreadfully boring since he was locked up.

Romance, thriller, mayhem, mystery, soulmate au with a realistic twist, and a grumpy Will Graham

absolutely fascinating take on the trope

----------------------------------

Avatar: The Last Airbender

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4592961 challenging by orphan_account 5k, Sokka/Zuko, sparring,

Sokka knew Fire Nation customs were weird, especially the customs surrounding royalty, but it seemed impossible for something like treating your sparring partner to be so outrageously out of Zuko's comfort zone. For Sokka, it was common sense, even if he'd grown up sparring with cloth bundles instead of real people. It was just the right thing to do. Maybe this wasn't even a Fire Nation thing, maybe it was a Zuko thing. After all, it was only recently that he'd even decided to join Team Avatar and hitch his hopes with the good guys. This might just be one of the many things that former villains had to learn – like smiling, or laughing in a way that didn't sound sharp and bladed. But looking at Zuko now, still staring at him, he had a good idea it was the former.

----------------------------------

Toy Story

https://archiveofourown.org/works/617850 Under the Table and Dreaming by hollycomb 103k, Andy/Sid,

Andy met Sid when he was four years old, and while some things change, a lot of things stay the same.

this fic is an amazing read

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South Park

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2460731 Never Change by hollycomb 115k, Stan/Kyle, murder mystery, closeted character,

Thirteen years after his high school girlfriend's pregnancy upended his life, Stan is still in South Park, working with his partner Bebe as a local cop. They're in the process of investigating a series of possibly connected murders when FBI agent Kyle Broflovski returns to town and informs his old friend Stan that this is his investigation now.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16691212 Little Runaway by scarecrow_horses 42k Xander/Spike, domestic, off-screen prostitution,

An alternate ending to the 'Glory' problem from season 5. Dawn comes up with the perfect solution, and Spike reluctantly agrees. Now they just need a 'rational, mature, adult' to make the idea palatable to Buffy. Enter Xander.....

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076429 Ritual, With Oil by dustandroses 2k, Xander/Spike, painting on skin, magical ritual, voyeurism,

This was what Xander got for volunteering. He needed to stop doing that.

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/r/NoSleep

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/8oueb7/i_work_security_at_disney_world_well_i_mean_i_did/ I work security at Disney World... well, I mean I did. by u/disneysecurity

I work in security at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. Typically, I wouldn’t say where I work as obviously there are some pretty strict rules about things employees can put online, but I just don’t think I can tell this properly without that context. And, honestly, I think this may be it for me anyway with this job. I just can’t see myself working here any longer now.

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/3iex1h/im_a_search_and_rescue_officer_for_the_us_forest/ I'm a Search and Rescue Officer for the US Forest Service, I have some stories to tell by u/searchandrescuewoods

I wasn't sure where else to post these stories, so I figured I'd share them here. I've been an SAR officer for a few years now, and along the way I've seen some things that I think you guys will be interested in.

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/9z3cm6/so_yeah_i_dont_do_drugs_anymore/ So, Yeah... I Don't Do Drugs Anymore. by u/TheJesseClark

I mean, I was never a heavy addict, or anything. Never did heroin, or meth. Tried crack cocaine once. That was… yeah. But I was only sober for eight months between that and when Eddie, an old buddy of mine, introduced me to something called K3. Against my better judgement, I took him up on the offer.

https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/9418eh/i_saw_something_on_the_evening_news_that_i_cant/ I saw something on the evening news that I can't explain by u/OQS

My work friends and I were out at our favourite pub last night. Not a really fancy place but, you know, cheap beer and close enough to home that I don't have to drive. The night started out normally enough, the four of us crammed into a small table off in the corner, mostly talking shop and shitting on our boss. Being this was the middle of the week there weren't too many other people around, maybe around eight or nine others in the whole place. Everybody just kinda keeping to themselves, sorta people you'd expect to see in a pub on a Wednesday.

Not enough? check out my notdead recs tag for previous editions containing another 1586+ fic recs (jfc) in various fandoms

#notdead recs #fic recs

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pellicano-sanguino · 5 years

Text

Since it’s October, I think it’s time for me to talk about vampires on my main blog again. To be fair, the subject will probably come up all year round, but during this month I feel it’s a good time for making several and longer posts.

Tonight I’d like to make a short rant post about one thing that I really hate in visual forms of vampire fiction (comics,movies,tv etc.). If you absolutely have to kill your female vampires (I’d prefer you don’t kill them at all, but if for storytelling purposes it can’t be avoided), then please do not make it look like a rape metaphor.

I was a young vampire lover before Twilight and True Blood made vampires cool again, so to get my fix of vampire fiction, I had to take what was available. The selection was scarce and it didn’t always match my tastes perfectly. The first time I gave manga a try was Hellsing. I know I’m going to get rocks thrown at me for dissing this one here, since this series is super popular. But you need to understand that while I love blood, I really, really don’t like gore. At all. Hellsing manga was way too overtly violent for my taste and I hated the character of Alucard, who seemed to me like some nerd’s childish power fantasy OC. I kept reading because I liked Seras and found Integra rather hot (look, I like crossdressing women, shut up). But then I got to the scene where Alucard kills the female vampire known as Rip van Winkle, and I was like “Well, the manga artist apparently doesn’t feel the need to hide the fact that he got his career started by drawing hentai.” Just looking at the page made me feel sick to my stomach, much more so than any of the previous gory deaths in the series. And that is because the rape metaphor wasn’t hidden at all.

Now I know killing a vampire of either sex has a chance of looking like a rape metaphor, since the most classic way to defeat a vampire is by impaling them. But there are still some small details that make it worse and turn it from just taking down a dangerous monster to killing a human-shaped creature and taking pleasure in its suffering. I would never trust a vampire hunter who enjoys his work. They give me the impression of violent men who are delighted that there now exists a type of woman they can now slaughter without mercy and still be considered ethically on the side of good.

Sometimes the vampire killers won’t show that they like what they’re doing, but their actions can still look like a rape to the audience. What methods you use for the killing act and how you frame the killing scene matter a lot. One thing that comes off as rape-like is having the vampire pinned down, having her scream and zooming in on her horrified face. Even if the killers don’t show they are into what they do as overtly as Alucard from Hellsing, making a big show about the suffering of the vampire turns the scene into torture porn for the audience.

Like this photo, from Dracula Prince of Darkness. I saw this screenshot in a book about vampire movies and felt the same sickness and nausea come over me again. They are pinning her down, she screams and her face has an expression of horror. To me, when I saw this photo, it looked like a fucking gang rape.

One more thing that makes vampire killings look like a rape is the trope of the killer stoicly looming over his victim as they are dying, looking at them. They don’t show excitement about the act of killing, remaining perfectly serious, but it reminds me of men choking women and looking down at them in disgust while they do it. It also brings to my memory the video one of our (fortunately very few) school shooters filmed before going to massacre everyone, where he put the camera on a low angle so that he looked down at it and pointed his gun at the viewer while telling what he was going to do, as if he was talking to a victim lying on the ground that he was going to shoot. I hate the trope of silently watching over your dying enemy so much. It disgusts me.

So, how to kill your female vampires and not make it look like a rape? I wish I had a good answer, but I don’t. The only advise I can give is either put them down swiftly and cleanly like dangerous wild beasts or let them die fighting honorably like a warrior.

I suppose I should give some examples of killing scenes that I think are done in good taste. I prefer amateur vampire hunters to professional ones, normal people who are forced to defend themselves when suddenly a threat of vampires comes into their lives.

One such example is the original Fright Night. Yes, I like this stupid, cheesy flick and refuse to be ashamed of it. I know the effects are laughable by today’s standards but they terrified me back when I saw this for the first time. The vampires in this film are male, so it’s a bit of a bad example to show how to not kill female vampires, but I wanted to mention Ed’s death scene, because it’s similar to the “watching silently while your enemy dies”-trope in theory but the tone is something completely different. It’s a perfect example of the fact that how you do a thing is more important than what you do. It’s the most memorable vampire death scene in any movie I’ve seen. In the form of a wolf Ed the vampire attacks Vincent the reluctant vampire hunter, but he miscalculates his leap and smashes into furniture, accidentally impaling himself with a broken table leg. His death is slow, as a wolf he whimpers in pain, and Vincent looks on, horrified at the sight of it. Then Ed begins to slowly turn back into human form, trying weakly to remove the shaft of wood, making pleading gestures towards Vincent. But Vincent knows he can’t do it, if he shows compassion and saves Ed, the vampire will not reward his kindness and will kill him. The emotions Vincent goes through during this make it a very intense scene. The more human-like Ed becomes, the harder it is for Vincent to resist the very humane instinct to answer a call for help.

Vincent did not enjoy watching a vampire die, nor did he stoicly stare at it while it was dying, he felt sorry for it and horrified at the thought of killing a creature that used to be human. When Ed resumes his human form in death, we are reminded of that fact - vampires aren’t born monsters, they are humans who fell victim to the curse of vampirism and as such, their original humanity should never be forgotten.

Besides death at the hand of vampire hunters who aren’t natural killers, I mentioned that I do respect vampires falling in honorable battle. As an example of this, I could mention the female vampire generals in Dracula’s army in Netflix’s Castlevania. The main characters barge in and engage in a fight scene, where all the generals are defeated (I was a bit disappointed they ended up being just whip fodder, they had cool designs). These are professional vampire hunters, but they don’t stop to admire their work, lingering the death scenes and looming over their fallen enemies. They are efficient and swift, they make quick, clean kills and move on. I was happy that neither of the female vampires got impaled, and their deaths weren’t made into torture porn. However, I must voice my concern regarding this show’s future.

I worry about season three. Namely, I’m worried how they are going to handle Carmilla. She is either going to get killed or forced to be Dracula’s servant. Being a big bad, she won’t get a swift, clean death like the female vampire generals. I’m afraid they are going to draw out her death scene and have some male character (either Hector, Isaac or Dracula) loom over her while she dies and be like “This is what bitches get for betraying the fan favourite male characters.” Despite my dislike for gore, I’ve liked the show very much so far and would be so disappointed for them to stoop to rape metaphor killing scene, but I’ve seen the patterns, I know where they are leading us. They’ve painted Carmilla as oh-so-evil in hopes that fans will think she deserves what she gets when they eventually kill her. They will want fans to cheer on while she is being killed in the most brutal way possible. Or spared and forced to serve the resurrected Dracula (a thing I hated about her in the games). So, I look forward to the third season with mixed feelings.

#vampire

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originaldanganronpascenarios · 5 years

Note

Please could I get the V3 girl’s so coming out as a trans female?

I am really Really REALLY REALLY sorry if it wasn't what you ment and if I fucked up and even got the idea wrong. If it will turn out like this please inform me and I will delete this post. I don't want to offend anyone. I'm just bit dumb and if it will look like any sort of offense I'm sorry! If I will literally repeat myself all the time I'm sorry too!

V3 girl and their S/O coming out as a trans female.

Kirumi Tojo

He was quite surprised to see you very serious as you told her that you needed to talk. She approached topic seriously even before you told her what you wanted to say. She was very scared that something bad might have happened.

Her expression didn't change as you were coming out as trans. She needed few seconds to think through what she was about to say.

Then a smile appeared on her face "Nothing can possibly change my feelings for you I'll be by your side and support you till my last breath" you hugged her very tightly and she hugged you back.

She got used to situation very fast and like she said she was supporting and never leaving your side.

Miu Iruma

She was minding her own business but immediately stopped when she heard that you needed to talk.

She was panicking. What if you wanted to break up??? You were never *This* serious.

She felt relieved when you told her about you being a trans woman "You put my ass in a hot spot seriously! I thought something very bad happened" she said as she hugged you.

Miu loved you no matter what and even asked if you wanted her to invent something for you to help you out.

If anyone was rude to you becouse of this she whould get very protective.

Angie Yonaga

Angie allways understood you but you still were unsure about the whole situation. What she whould think was something that made you lose your mind.

You got enough courage and told her about everything she smiled at you and said "There is nothing you should worry about. Atua and I will love you no matter what!" she hugged you.

Whenever someone whould be mean to you she whould give them the most threatening look and tell them simply to fuck off.

She was very supportive and cheered for you. It took some time untill she got used to it tho.

Kaede Akamatsu

She never judged you so you weren't much stressed. Still it was something that whould change a lot.

Kaede was a bit scared by your expression it was showing worry. She asked you if something was wrong that's when you said it.

She took a small pause to think and said "Were you worried that I won't love you anymore?" you noded. Kaede took your hands in hers "Then I'm telling you that you shouldn't worry!" her bright smile gave you comfort.

Kaede was supporting you but she sometimes accidentally referred to you by your old name. Of course she whould be apologizing after that like crazy.

If it came to someone who whould make fun of you Kaede whould just tell you to ignore them and the two of you moved away from bullys sight.

Tenko Chabashira

You knew that Tenko really loved you so you weren't much scared. After all she probably whould support your decision... Whouldn't she?

Well she needed to know no matter so you calmed yourself down and found her.

She was energetic as allways and smiled at you. Tenko was surprised when she heard 'We need to talk'.

When you told her about becoming trans woman she was very excited "Really!? I don't know what to say... I'm happy for you and don't worry I will stay by your side!" to be honest Tenko felt quite glad...

She was super excited and she was with you entire time.

Himiko Yumeno

Himiko allways thought you were very strong both physically and mentally. She allways thought that she can feel real around you.

That's why you can't hide it from her. Both of you promised each other to not hide anything.

She was surprised but she didn't mind. She still loved you and wanted to support you. I mean this is still you! The strong person she admires and loves so much!

She didn't got used to it fast and often referred to you by your old name but she was sorry each time.

Maki Harukawa

You were quite scared how this whould turn out... You never knew what Maki thought. Still she was your girlfriend and she had to know.

She didn't react as she said that she doesn't see any change. Your gender doesn't matter and never will for how long she can be with you.

You were very glad and Maki was your moral support at the time. She became quite defensive towards you since she knew you needed support.

If anyone was teasing you Maki whouldn't just sit quiet she won't let anyone make you feel bad because of your choice.

Tsumigi Shirogane

You and Tsumigi often Cosplayed together. Sometimes both of you were crossdressing etc.

When she was making new Cosplays you decided to tell her about you being trans. She was lowkey excited to be honest.

But it never changed the way she looked at you. She loved you she really did. And there is no way anything will change it. Heck something like that will only make your bond deeper.

She became more affectionate and made sure you were feeling alright. Tsumugi tried her best to support you properly.

~Mod Chiaki

#Kirumi tojo #angie yonaga #Miu Iruma #Maki Harukawa #Tsumugi shirogane #Tenko Chabashira #himiko yumeno #Kaede Akamatsu

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phantoms-lair · 5 years

Text

Alternate Realities-Nerima Snippet - Pre Beach

Pidge eyed the swimsuit section, trying to decide which style to go for. Normally she wasn’t one for too many frills, but with all the testosterone she felt surrounded with lately, she was tempted. On the other hand the last thing she wanted was for the people she was judging to think she had jumped into the contest herself.

It wasn’t worth it. She sighed and began looking at the more modest suits. Doctor Ono (she couldn’t call him Dr. Tofu with a straight face) paid her a modest wage, but since working for him included room and board, she hadn’t had to spend it on much it on, especially since the tech level of this world was decades behind the Earth she knew and even further behind the Alien tech she’d become accustomed to( she was so grateful she’d had a backup laptop in Green).

A soft “Oh My,” let her know Kasumi was in the store, but she paid no attention. Unlike her sisters, Kasumi never started trouble and was likely just there for a suit of her own.

Hence it surprised Pidge when when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Excuse me Gunderson-san, would you happen to be looking for an outfit for the upcoming beach trip?”

Pidge laughed nervously. “Yeah. Shampoo and Ukyou found out about it, so they’re heading to the beach too. So this is a chance to observe and see if a different environment yields anything.”

Kasumi smiled. “Oh, I’m not upset, I expected Ranma’s friends to show up, they always do.” There was a bit of sadness in her smile. Pidge was sure she was as done with the mess as everyone else, even if she tried to always appear happy and serene. “I just was worried none of these suits would be comfortable for you.”

Pidge blinked. “Why, are the brands not good or something?” “Oh not at all. It’s just there’s a lot of water at the beach. And it does tend to be on the cold side.”

Pidge’s mind tried to figure out why Kasumi was stating the obvious when the words cold and water came together. “Oh...I’m not going to be able to be a girl there at all, am I?”

“Ranma hasn’t managed to stay male at the beach more than a few minutes.” Kasumi explained sympathetically. “Of course if you still want to look feminine I know Ukyou’s friends Tsubasa and Konatsu might be able to help.”

Pidge held up a hand, stopping her. “Crossdressing would be a crutch. It might work now when my forms aren’t too different, but that’s probably going to change. I’ll get some trunks. It should be fine, I’ve been living as a boy for-”

This time it was Kasumi that gently stopped her. “Ukyou-kun was forced to live as a boy for years, and I think is a prime example of how living as a boy doesn’t make you one. If you’d like I can at least stitch the word ‘Girl’ onto your shirt.”

“But Nannichuan does make me a boy, at least sometimes.” More often than sometimes, if Pidge was being honest. “If this is going to be my life now, I can’t hide from it.”

Kasumi cocked her head to the side. “You know, Gunderson-san, I think you’re the only curse victim I know who just immediately accepts the idea that you’re not going to be cured.”

Pidge shrugged. “That makes sense, honestly. The cure exists, it’s just not going to be safe to get for a year or so. They’re all going to be here for that, no matter how much they hate waiting. Me? If I’m still here in a year it means I failed my family, both of them, and that’s not acceptable for me.”

Kasumi smiled again, but it seemed different this time, almost more genuine, though Pidge hadn’t thought the previous one insincere.

A flash of curiosity hit Pidge. “Kasumi-san, may I ask you a question? It’s kind of personal, so you don’t need to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Of course, Gunderson-san.” Kasumi answered without a second thought.

“Please, call me Pidge. And I was wondering, the day Ranma showed up you and Nabiki had kind of a knee jerk reaction to Ranma and the situation you were in. Not that I blame you in the slightest, but I was wondering with what you know now, would you have done anything different?”

Kasumi went quiet for a moment. “Yes. I think I would have accepted the engagement myself.”

Pidge’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? I mean, I didn’t think Ranma was exactly your type?”

Kasumi’s laugh rang crystal clear. “You are so refreshing Gunder-, my apologies, Pidge-kun. And you’re right, Ranma’s not what I’m looking in for a husband at all, but-” she became more solemn. “It wasn’t just a knee jerk reaction to Ranma’s uniqueness.”

“You can can say you were weirded out by the curse. It’s a weird thing, that won’t insult me.” Pidge assured.

“Well, even aside from that, I saw an opportunity. Akane had developed such a distaste for boys after what Kuno put her through, I thought Ranma turning into a girl would put her at ease.” she sighed. “I was very wrong. Akane didn’t see a safe middle ground, but a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Should Nabiki been made to take up the engagement, she would have destroyed Ranma to preserve her own freedom. I would not be happy married to Ranma, but it would have brought less disharmony.”

“Kasumi-san, there is no harmony in a loveless marriage.” Pidge said insistently. “Sometimes there’s no right answers. Sometimes there’s not even a good one. We just have to do what we can with what we’re dealt. I was just looking for some insight.”

And she’d gotten some. That Nabiki would destroy Ranma was really more confirmation that anything. But that Kasumi felt it was better that she lock herself in a loveless marriage than have paired Ranma and Akane said volumes.

The Tendo agreement was going to be dissolved. It didn’t matter that it seemed to be viewed as the default engagement, none of the sisters would be happy wed to Ranma. While it was true the only stipulations given were that honor and law be appeased, Pidge wouldn’t condemn anyone to a miserable marriage. And if pressed on the matter she’s simply say she found doing so to be dishonorable, which would violate the terms,

But that was for later. Right now it was time to get a new swimsuit. A drinking fountain provided the cold water (thankfully Pidge had taken to wearing men’s underwear at all times. It was far more forgiving in the case of an accidental change and cheaper to boot). He grabbed a few different pairs that looked about the right size and took them to the fitting room.

The first two pairs didn’t fit right at all, but the third was fine. Pidge made note of the size and looked himself over in the mirror. Pidge’s bust was modest, still in early development after all. But looking into the mirror and seeing those completely flat pecs was still a bit jarring.

“Find anything?” he heard Kasumi’s voice from over the wall.

“Yeah, I think I did.” Pidge called back.

“Well, let’s see.”

PIdge smiled, reminded of shopping trips with his mother (oh he was not looking forward to explaining the curse to her). He reached for the changing room door and opening it before he jerked it shut again, his one free hand attempting to cover up his chest.

This is silly He told himself. I’m a boy right now. Boy don’t wear shirts with trunks. He tried to open the door again, but froze up.

An article of clothing was slid over the top of the stall. “Maybe this will help?” Kasumi asked.

PIdge picked up what turned out to be a swim shirt and pulled it on. “How did you know?” he asked, leaving the changing room.

“I’m a girl too, you know. And it does look good on you,” Kasumi said appraisingly.

“Thanks, I thought I was doing better than that, though.” Pidge said sheepishly.

“Undoing a lifetime of social conditioning isn’t a quick process.” Kasumi assured. “I guess. Let me get changed and pay for these. Were you picking out something too?” he asked,

“Oh no, I just saw you through the window and thought I could help.”

“You really did. That would have sucked to figure out at the beach.” Pidge went back into the room and began to change. “So what brings you out this way?”

“I was just doing some grocery shopping. I have to restock some pantry items, as well as pick up some food for dinner.”

“Need a hand with that?” PIdge asked, leaving the changing room.

“Oh, I couldn’t impose,” Kasumi tried to wave him off.

“I don’t have plans for the rest of the day and you helped me,” Pidge pointed out. “Besides, what are friends for?”

Kasumi went stock still for a moment, then beamed at him. “Well, I wouldn’t mind the company. It’s been quite a while since I had a strapping young man by my side,” she gently teased.

Pidge grinned back. “Well, any young man would be honored to accompany you.” he bowed slightly, carrying on the joke.

She extended an arm and he took it. Sure the Nerima rumor mill would be going full tilt tomorrow, but maybe at least it would convince people he really had no interest in Ranma Saotome.

#Volron #Ghost Writing #Wormhole AU #Alternate Realities #Why can I only write Voltron #Pidge's pronouns in this are whatever gender they happen to be at the moment #and they/them if unsure

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soaringlanddormitory · 5 years

Text

A longer than I thought oneshot of how Dai met Dao in the Yakuza AU because I think it’s pretty interesting and @nightcrownsking and I talked about it recently !!!

But it’s a gorey, so just a warning !! Also slight lemon lines because he thought it fit kjgdbfg I am dying. This is my first time writing such and I am dying.

A single person was feared by many. They were scared of his crimson red eyes and the blood that was spotted on his hands.They were afraid of the possibility of dying by his hands with that dark grin on his face. They were terrified of what this man is capable of, and it was no secret to hide- he was a murderer who didn’t fear a single damn thing in the world.

People would have thought he’d fear a gun to his head or a knife to his neck- but every time he was caught, he’d just... laugh. He would smile at threats and burst out laughing even if someone was ready to shoot him. His happiness was uneasy to them, and he’d even tell them to shoot him. He’d tell them to shoot the loaded gun to make his miserable life end but even if they had the chance to- they couldn’t do it.

They were afraid.

A couple of members in the Yakuza have been leveling up his name, from the name “Death” it turned to “Devil” and he knew that. He would only look for the person who stared that name so he could get their head and use it as a trophy. He has been called by that sinful name, so why not be what people see him as? He was being enveloped by hatred and fear, so why not be the strongest yakuza member alive?

Certainly, he was one of the worst people to be against.

He had his clothes dirtied up by blood and he had a knife at hand. The joy in his eyes fading away as he noticed the person stopped responding to everything he did. He poked their leg with a knife, he shot them on the arm and he was started to become really pissed. They weren’t reacting to anything he did.

His expression darkened and he threw the weapons he had to the side. “Are you trying to act tough on me? I hope you know that it makes me want to break you more. You’re no fun. I will make this fun by force if I have to...” His expression darkened and he soon placed his hands around the person head, his thumbs on their eyes and he began squeezing. He placed more force and he didn’t hold back at all. There was no scream that came from the man even if he placed the man’s eyeballs deep into its sockets. “Why are you not screaming?!”

“He died before that, Death.” A ginger who was there all along replied and he only placed his hands away from the person’s head, his hands all dirtied up. “You tortured them until they lost all their blood. You skinned a part of their abdomen, you used so much needles to prick him to hear him scream, you used your knife, you used every weapon you had... How could he not die by blood loss?”

The person who was talking to him was known as “Cross”, but to him, they were someone else... She was someone else. Her name was Christelle and she was forced to crossdress by her father to give his family a name and a boy heir. She was more than just his best friend and right hand, but she also tamed his wild side. “Boring. If it were someone like Aroon he’d survive longer.”

Christelle became silent and only shook her head. “Yes. We know that well. Aroon has survived torture and it caused several scars on his back and chest. He has more will power than anyone else, but it doesn’t mean you should compare such a man to him.” She explained. “It’s not a fair comparison. If it were any other ordinary man, they would have died just as quick.”

He huffed as he listened to the person who talked and he quickly wiped his hands with a handkerchief before throwing it into the trashcan. “That is true. But I wish I could do something more fun than this. Torture is the only thing I take pleasure from.”

“And your ships.”

He only paused for a moment but it was replaced by a frown. “Yes. But you do know I can’t have fun if they’re not here.” He quickly says before walking to the door. “I love to tease them and I love seeing their reactions. I love talking about them but it gets boring if there’s nothing new... I’ve told you everything, Cross.” He explained. “There’s no joy in my veins if I don’t see them or talk about them.”

She sighed at her friend, and she wanted to curse what changed him for the worse. The death of Masae’s parents. Ever since that day he changed. He was too harsh on himself, and he used to even hit himself to at least feel something else but numbness. He began to take a liking to other people’s pain once he couldn’t find satisfaction in hurting himself. “Maybe Misten Chankul is right. You need a new lover.”

“Love can’t fix me.” Dai reminded Christelle this and she only listened to him. “Love does seem nice, but as if anyone would look passed my sins. I’ve done too much. If it were someone who can look passed me, then that’s a different story.”He twisted the knob. “But everyone sees me as a devil. Even our allies.” The door shut behind Christelle and her eyes only showed nothing but sorrow.

Did he actually think that? She hoped that he knew that they actually cared for him... He could sometimes be a problem to them, but it didn’t mean they’d hate him. It doesn’t, but Dai has always felt that way... and it hasn’t changed.

He took a quick shower and decided to fix himself up. “I’ll be out for a while, probably go have a few drinks.” He told his members this, with a small grin on his face. “See you all later, I’ll be sure not to get shot.” There were times that he had to fake it all up with a smile, so at least he could try make other people smile back at him.

After a few minutes, he ended up in a bar which were filled with fellow members of the yakuza, but some immediately got up and leave. He was surprised by this reaction, and he didn’t really care. He needed some alone time right now before he could conflict harm to anyone else. He brought out his knife with the usual deadly smirk on his face and even more people left... Until it was no other than a woman with her hair tied up.

Dai groaned the moment he spotted the female just sitting down, not even looking behind. “My, my... We have a brave woman here.” He said it in a mocking tone and he decided to sit beside the woman who continued to drink from her wine glass. “Not even scared of the devil himself.” He brought the knife near her neck and she just placed her glass down, hardly reacting.

“I don’t need to be scared of a demon, now should I?” She replied to him without hesitation, and as soon as she opened her eyes, he saw golden eyes that seemed to be a similar shade to a person he was close to. “I’m one of their kind, honey.” She smiled at him and placed the tip of her finger on the knife. “Can you kindly place this away? I don’t want to have blood in my whiskey.”

His grin was replaced by a frown and he quickly kept his knife the moment she said those words. “How odd.” He never thought that someone would react so calmly, and his comment made the woman giggle before offering him her glass. “A woman who isn’t afraid of dying.”

She lifted up her glass to his lips and he winced slightly at her action. “A demon shouldn’t be scared of death. They should be scared of God himself. And you aren’t any kind of god, now are you- Death?”

It was... intriguing. She knew his title, she knew his name- and there was no tint of fear in her eyes. It made him want to try and scare her. “I am no god, surely.” He stated. “But I do know how to take lives just like how a god does, sweetie.” He tried threatening her and she only crossed her legs and he started to observe her from head to toe.

She was wearing a black leather jacket, and a leather skirt that perfectly matched with it. She was wearing a crop top that revealed a portion of her skin and even had high boots that reached her knees. She noticed where his eyes were travelling and she only made him chug down alcohol because she tilted her glass to his lips.

He soon wiped his lips the moment she placed the glass away from him, and instead of glaring at her like he would- he only focused on her face. She looked rather amused by him, her eyes still glued to him. “Maybe next time, you should look at a girl’s face like this instead of looking at her whole body.” She teased. “But to reply to your words, you may know how take lives... I’ve heard the rumors fly around. However, I do believe you don’t know how to take a woman’s heart if you stared at my body like that.”

He only scoffed at her comment. “Oh wow. Commenting on that even if your life is on the line?” He wasn’t pissed off at her, but he was entertained. He thought that acting like that would have made her stay longer and he was right. She did stay longer.

“My life? It’s all yours then. You’re Death after all. Isn’t that supposedly your job? To take lives? You make me think of the Grim Reaper.”

She was truly interesting.

He ended up laughing, and he didn’t expect to do so. “You’re sassy. You remind me of a man I know.” He turned around to see the bartender sweating, as he waited for something for a while now. “Oh sorry. Forgot to order. Maybe a simple thing, like a cocktail or something.” The bartender nodded before going back to work. “Since you made me laugh... I could spare your life for today. Death does love some jokes.”

“Glad you could spare a woman like me. Maybe I can reward you. Men who stay in the Yakuza for too long usually crave for something...So what is it? Money? Possessions? Sex? You name it, I’d be glad to give you anything.”

The male froze at her comment. Was she serious about this whole reward thing? “Dirty woman you are. Even willing to sacrifice such thing to reward me? I am honored.” He would have to admit that the person he met was attractive. Golden eyes and purple hair, some clothes that showed some portions of her skin and even had black clothes that made him pretty weak.

“I don’t mind. You seem more fun than any other guy I’ve spoke in the bar. They’ll just kneel down and kiss my feet. You, however...” She placed the tip of her finger on his chest. “Seems like you’ll make me the one kneeling. You’re so feared, so I want you to prove to me that there’s actually something to love about you. Grin? Charming. Smirk? Alluring. But we can’t really tell if you’re seductive unless we do something, right?”

“I’ve never been offered such.” He replied. “But sure. Why not? It wouldn’t hurt to try.” He smiled politely and the bartender came back with the alcohol he ordered. “But maybe after I drink.” He picked up the glass, and took a sip. He choked on his drink the moment he felt warm air hit his ear and a fingernails sliding on his neck.

“Drink later. People are best served warm.”

He didn’t know how to react the moment heat rushed in his body- he felt like an animal wanting to eat its prey. “Impatient, now are you? It would be a waste if I ditched this drink if I have already ordered it.”

“Who says we’re not staying in the bar?”

He placed his drink away for a moment and he admittedly felt blood rush his face. Was she serious? In a public place like this? “Well that’s surprising. For a first, I’d actually think you’d want some privacy.”

She grabbed the necktie of his and pulled him close, and a little smirk was present on the face of the feared member of the Yakuza. “I’m sorry, I feel a bit impatient. And there’s better things to chug down than alcohol tonight, honey.”

#writing #yakuza au #dai adachi #dao #I COULDN'T WRITE FURTHER #I AM DECEASED #behind the scenes

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moomooblackshep · 5 years

Text

My dysphoria

Well... I'm 26 and so very fucking trans. Ftm. Pre everything. Fuck. It finally makes sense. For the longest time I've always identified as a crossdresser when much younger and then gay as a teen. As gay I've been out to most of my friends, took a while to come out to the family. I hate the word lesbian because it's a label that just doesn't fit and now this. I've only told my closest friends about the trans thing right now. Hopefully I can tell my mom about it later on when I finish my schooling again. Be warned this is long to whoever reads this.

The community has been very visible lately, YouTubers are also getting in on that band wagon. Media over all is so vocal about it now. Also, my mother used to watch a lot of trans surgeries for a solid year and would make me watch it with her. Those were disturbing but dear God like a train wreck I couldn't look away. It wasn't the surgeries that made me realize but they did open up my mind about researching and just looking into what trans is. Looking back there are many red flags. My dysphoria was generally supressed. I remember when I was young, around 10, I considered myself a crossdresser. I was new to the internet then since we just immigrated to Canada and I couldn't stop reading psychology books, journals, articles, anything I can get my hands on to put a label on what I am. I didnt make sense so I settled for something that seemed the closest thing I could find, crossdresser. I internalized that and moved on. We also didn't have much money at the time so I started wearing my brothers clothes and it felt right. Prior to moving into a new country my clothes consisted of dress like uniforms for school and shorts and t-shirt for home/play clothes. My classmates here then started asking me why I dress in boy clothes and I always said I was a crossdresser. They'll have a look on their face but I wasn't making a big deal out of it so they didn't either. I was also the kid that's good at art and I used to give them away a lot when done which people always wanted for some reason. I was also pretty calm and just took a lot of things at face value so people knew they could tell me whatever and I won't freak out, it apparently helped because I was told a hella amount of secrets. Graduation came and yearbooks were signed. Some even said I was the coolest crossdresser they knew and that hopefully everything worked out for me. Then highschool hit and suddenly the whole gay thing cropped up. I realized I didn't like boys early on. It was weird. Everyone tells me that I should and that I have to but I knew I didn't like boys like that at all. When I was younger still, by the pics probably as young as three maybe five, I had a playmate that everyone and their grandmother keep saying that he's my boyfriend. As far as I remember I've always denied it. I had mostly boy playmates but the few girls around I always took special care to make them feel included or give them attention. I didn't understand them. I didn't know why they liked only certain games like the dancing, skip rope, the make up or why they prefer dresses or various things I can't even remember now. I always chalked it up to my two older brothers will beat anyone up that doesn't include me in their games or are mean to me. It was a small enclosed neighborhood. My brothers were in the older crowd and knew everyone being 7 and 9 years older than I was. It still didn't make it any less confusing to me tho. I questioned a lot of things but no one would give me answers or they'll just ignore me. It didn't help that my mother always said disparaging things towards gays. Things about religion and how shameful it is. I don't want to get into it but I ended up internalizing it. We're also Catholic so the Catholic values of how we are in God's image, we should treat everyone as how we would treat ourselves and how God loves us clashed horribly with what she was saying sometimes. I was confused for a while but I tried to rationalize it myself and came up with "he's (the gay man my mom criticized and the only gay person I knew growing up) happy, he seemed comfortable with himself, he's not hurting anyone, he seems like a good person. So I said to myself that if he's all that then it's okay. It's his life and it's his choices. But even when it's okay for him to be gay I knew I wasn't allowed to be gay because of the homopobia my family was showing. I was probably around 7-8 at the point when this all went down. This is also why I stay away from church now. The hypocrisy is something that gets to me but I have my faith and I just try to live as "good" as I can while still being human. I'm probably missing a lot of the stuff because I don't remember much of my childhood. Anyways, that's the internal homophobia and why I couldn't be comfortable with it until later on in my life. By the time highschool rolled around I've immersed myself into the internet and have accepted my love for the female form. Also porn and Anime was a great motivation for an asian teen. Went to an all girls school for highschool, met my best friend in grade nine and proceeded to date her the following year. We lasted all of highschool but I knew I wasn't the best gf at the time or ever. We broke up because she was moving on to better things and I was lost and not going anywhere, I wasn't gonna hold her back to not experience stuff, so we split amicably. We're kind of friends still and adulting sucks. On that note, my dysphoria. In all honesty I never took it as that because my mental and emotional coping mechanisms are suppression and distraction. Anyways, as a kid I always envied the boys. They're always portrayed as being stronger, bigger, the hero, they seemed to have more freedom. As a kid I wanted that. Everyone treated me like such a delicate girl when I didn't feel like a girl at all much less delicate. I was a crybaby sure but that was because my brothers teased me relentlessly and the only time they'll stop at all is if I cry. I wasn't allowed a lot of freedom for expressing myself either because it was met with indifference or anger from my family so I had to figure a lot of things out by myself. Mom isn't the most affectionate or vocal person about feelings either so it's just been me for a long while. Looking back it was a steady progression and the feeling of helplessness that I can't change my sex. It permeated my entire being so I supressed and distracted myself and accepted that I can't do anything about it. Until I was 10 I tollerated the dress ups mom used to put me in, the expectations of being a girl was just another duty I had to uphold as the "youngest daughter" even the long hair was a point of annoyance for me. It was grown past my butt and I hated every second of it. I used to bug mom to get shorter hair, to have a cut like the guys and she gave in once when I caught her on a good day and she cut it to my shoulders. I was happy. It was a step in the right direction. Now if only I can get pants and a dick I'd be happier. Fast forward to puberty and lord was that a thrilling ride. Labelled myself as crossdresser in elementary and now Im gay leaning to Butch lesbian in highschool. Fuck I hated that but again it was another thing I had to tollerated because I couldn't change my sex. I knew transexuals existed mostly I thought that only applied to effeminated men. Aka gay men crossdressing. It didn't connect in my brain that women can be transexuals too. I thought they were just butch/ stud women. I was sheltered and very big on the internal homopobia okay. Now, highschool brought more insecurities. My chest grew like what it does during puberty. I wasn't happy about that. I was a chubby kid but fuck that was such a bad time. I hated them. I strapped them down as much as I can with tape or ace bandages, we had med kits everywhere, when that didn't work I'd wear something to try and flatten them or super baggy clothes. Also I had smaller bras than what I needed so it made them smaller. Had to hunch to hide them. I couldn't figure out why girls bought lingerie for them or why the hell they show it off. I forget a lot that people don't feel what I feel and that I'm not normal. Even with me wanting my chest to be gone but mostly be more male type I also wanted bigger shoulders, a few more inches in height (I'm 5'6), a deeper voice, my jaw and cheeks to be chiseled like the males I see in media. Yeah that was a trip into a rabbit hole. When I was younger I wanted to be like the guys in anime with the body builder like body, the voice, the heroism, the super powers because it's anime and surprisingly how they get the loyal girl. I learned all the chivalry because I always see myself as the guy in the relationship. Flowers, compliments, do nice things even if I don't say my feelings, open a door, pull out a chair, make a girl laugh. Then being a bit older still made me want all those things but now I have certain preference for girls, I wanted to be tall dark and handsome. It's more about being debonair with chivalry thrown in together and having adventures with my partner. It just became more age appropriate as time went on. It was all so confusing but I took the idea and ran with it. I couldn't change my sex? Fine. I'll suppress the need to cry and the depression until I can be free to be myself. Also known as me living by myself. I was terrified of what my family will say and how they'll react. They tried hard to make me girly during highschool and I just repeatedly said no. I never said I was a boy but I saw the need for them to turn me into this girl that I've never felt I was. I hated it. Then I fixated on the aspects I can change. My hair, the way I dressed. How I presented myself. I didn't change my pronouns or name because while I didn't like it it was negligible in the whole. There wasn't much to change to begin with since I already dressed as a male most of the time. Crossdresser in elementary remember. Wasn't much of a shock to the family really, just more annoyance cuz I took my brothers clothes. I sound like I hate everything but aside from a few things that I just glaze my eyes over now I'm pretty laid back and chill. It's just the way I present myself that really gets to me. Ive never given a fuck on why or how others percieved me aside from my family. 15/16 was a rough time. Suicidal thoughts started and escalated. I started self medicating in that I took up smoking cigarettes and weed to dissociate from everything. For a while it worked. Suicide was very close to happening, had it all planned out but when I came home mom was weirdly home. Once we were in Canada my brothers disappeared mostly because of college/uni and work. Mom was the same, she had three jobs at one point to cover all our expenses and Dad hasn't been in the picture for a long while. But yeah, mom was home in a rare off day. We somehow watched a documentary or a show that had suicide in it and she started talking about it. Could've knocked me over when she said that she wouldn't know what to do if she ever found us, mostly me, like that. How she would be devastated and everything. Things like that. It fucking threw me for a damn loop. But I was fucked up and that night I just kept writing and writing and writing until the sun was up and I had to go to school. When I came home no one was there again and I just broke down. My emotional instability, my hopelessness that I can't have the body/sex I want and need, my loneliness, thinking that my family doesn't love me just finally broke me. So I cracked. I cried and I screamed and I just fucking let go. At one point the neighbours even knocked on the door to see wtf was happening. Wiped my face, plastered a smile and said I was practicing for drama class and sorry that I bothered them. I had drama anyways with a play that year so when the neighbours brought it up with mom it was a solid excuse. After that the supressing habit became so strong that for example when I glance at my chest it just disappears from my mind that I even looked at them. There are days where I'm 100% okay with them ( or any part of my body that I can't deal with)for several minutes and I'll look at them and inspect them then later on I'm back to trying to find something to strap them down because the anxiety and panic is back that I don't have the right body. Once the break down was over I couldn't function for days. The dysphoria and depression just consumed me so I figured I needed to do what I needed to do. I cut myself off from that part of me emotionally and mentally. I hid it and I ran. I distracted myself with bad relationships,bad friends, the drug habit kicked up and I even became entangled in the crowd I never wanted to be in. I was a mess and as long as there was something else to worry about I didn't have to deal with myself. It worked for a long ass while but I was never happy. I've never felt joy after that breakdown. I had some contentment but that was it. The lows were manageable because once it starts I pick up a new thing to distract myself. Adult me discovered binders, bought a bunch of them with my first credit card. I was 18/19 and in college. I couldn't wait for it. Finally! I get to have a flat chest. They came and I couldn't be happier. I wore them every day from the time after I shower to just before I slept. Sometimes my mom would wake me to go to the store and I'll throw it on before my clothes. For a solid two years I wore it like my second skin. I went out to my first drink with my second brother with it on. Went to a gay club and picked up someone with it on. Worked in it even though that was a bad time. I was confident as hell. I was finally a step closer to myself. I was mistaken for a guy more often than not and that was fantastic. Then the inevitable happened. I lost them when my mom raided my room with no warning to clean it because it wasn't up to her standards and took all my laundry. I was frantic in looking for them. I was desperate. I kept asking mom where they are. I only ever got one of them back but I went into such a depressive state that shame and guilt and self doubt/hate came crashing back down on me and I couldn't wear it anymore. I went on a drinking bender at that point and I moved out at 20. 21 and I became an alcoholic for the next year. The truth that I'm stuck in this body slapped me so hard I slipped. I dropped out of college, drank from morning till night, was even drunk when I was at work. I just slipped. It was so easy but in the end I had to pick myself up. My family didn't notice much. Just that I was never home and mom and I had a blow out because she expects me home when no one is even home. When there's no food in the house because I didn't know how to cook at the time. She also kept pushing if I was gay and i admitted it. I was never gonna be ready so I just sucked it up and said it even though it felt wrong. Let me be clear as a transman man I'm not gay but right now I'm still seen as a cis woman. Im pre everything so I will, for now, say I'm gay. However, I'm a man trapped in the body of a woman and there is not much I can do until I start transitioning. After that horrible dip in my emotional instability I stopped binding. I just picked up shitty girlfriends after shitty girlfriends. Girls who were selfish and immature and made it all about them without giving back to me. I got stressed over that instead of my body and managing them is more doable than my body. Don't get me wrong I could've dropped them any time since I knew what I was getting into. My need to run from my dysphoria intensified my so called "need" to have them around. Did I love them? No. They were a means to an end and a way to distract myself. Have I ever loved any of them? I did love my first girlfriend but I never gave her what she deserved. When she broke up with me I was sad but I knew that she needed to grow into the person she wanted to be. I wanted her to find happiness even though it wasn't with me. So I let her go. Not completely tho. We're ish friends and I'd rather have that than nothing at all. At 24 I went back to school to finally graduate college. I picked up another shitty girlfriend for 7 months and 2 months after I ended my last relationship. My best friends just laughed and shook their heads at me because they can't believe I'm doing it again after I'm trying to get my shit together. But that was the last relationship I went into. The trans community started being more visible then. Acceptance for LGBT+ was at an all time high. Mom and I were okay. Things were looking up. Me being single was terrifying because I slowly started to unpack all my issues. I had supportive friends who won't leave me, my family is okay with me, I lived alone for a while but came back to mom's because her house is closer to the school and they've been trying to get me to move back in for the last four years. At 25 I just started unpacking and unpacking and unpacking and dear God the amount of issues I had to resolve with myself was a fucking lot. But the biggest is my dysphoria so I researched and read and watched a ton of vids to finally come to the conclusion that I'm trans. I'm trans not because I hate my body but because I believe I'm in the wrong one. It's terrifying to know that because there's no immediate remedy. I'm trapped and the process to switch is long, expensive and not permanent in a way I won't ever have the biological markers without outside influence. Having biological kids will be an issue too but I've always thought that I would never give birth to one, I've always assumed that I would adopt or somehow one of my friends will make me the guardian for theirs if they ever pass away. I've never felt compelled to have one of my own. A family yes but I would love any child in my family whether it's biological or someone else's. At 26, just had my birthday last month, I'm contemplating transitioning in the next year or so. I still have issues to work through but I think when I talk to a psychiatrist or counselor I would be okay. It's a lot to consider and I need to be sure it's the right way for me. In all honesty I'm pretty sure I'll transition. I've waited long enough I can wait a little longer to make an informed decision.

To whoever is reading this just know that it was hard and difficult journey for me but if you can accept the situation even just a little, enough to get you through until you can deal with it financially, emotionally and mentally it gets easier. Self hate is a very heavy burden to carry I wish it could be easier but youre a stronger person for it in the end. It helps to focus on other things to build your life. Finish school, have a good job, maybe a relationship because if you focus too much on the dysphoria once it's taken care of you will still have life in general to deal with and it's good to have the ideal life you want ready for you because you built it and you changing your body is the last piece to make it perfect.

#Long story #trans #ftm #my dysphoria #seriously it's fucking long #basically my entire life

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good--bye--binary · 6 years

Photo

They/Them or She/Her

Happy Priiiiiiiiiiiiiide!!! 🌈🏳️‍🌈

I got a couple of pics in before heading out to the Chicago Pride Parade today and even talked my mom into taking a couple selfies with me while we were there!

I’m also in the process of coming out to every person I know that I haven’t yet. Most of these are people that are very important to me, but either I don’t get to see them very often and/or they’re more conservative and not at all educated on LGBTQ issues. To that end, I finally wrote a coming out letter and I thought I’d post it here just in case anyone else wanted to use portions of it! 😁

Dear ________,

In case you didn’t already know, this month is LGBTQ+ Pride Month. Both because of this and, more importantly, because I respect and cherish our relationship, I feel compelled to tell you that I am transgender. Specifically, I am non-binary, genderfluid, and transfeminine (more on all of those terms later). Although I have always questioned my gender, I came out to myself in November of 2016. Now I feel it is the right time for absolutely everyone to know.

I have written, deleted, rewritten, and revised this letter many times over many months because I want it to be as clear as possible. To that end, I thought it best to organize it as a list of questions directed towards myself, questions that I would expect you to have. Of course if you ever want me to explain something more, an answer doesn’t make sense, or you have a question that isn’t on here, PLEASE TALK TO ME. You might find that reading these questions and answers are enough, but if you don’t, I would much rather you talk to me directly rather than speculate, be confused, or turn to the internet which may have misleading or inaccurate information. On this last point, I don’t just mean anti-LGBTQ+ websites and organizations; gender is a very complicated and personal experience, so even pro-LGBTQ+ literature may define or explain terms in ways that are different from how I apply them to my gender experience.

Q1. How do you know/what makes you think you’re transgender? A1. Like almost all LGBTQ+ people will tell you, I always knew I was somehow different from most of the other kids. For me, it was about never feeling completely comfortable or understood by boys and men. For as long as I can remember, I have not only preferred the company of girls and women, but I have never felt “like one of the boys.” My closest friends have always been (and continue to be) women. Even in films, TV shows, video games, novels, and short stories, I almost immediately identify with female characters, but rarely do I do the same with male characters.

Have I been able to “fit in” with boys/men in the past? Yes, of course I have, because society has always suggested that I should and that there would be consequences if I didn’t. Did I enjoy the act of having to hide, censor, and think very deliberately about my behavior so that I wasn’t bullied or seen as weird? Absolutely not. I went to sleepovers at my male friends’ houses in grade school, but I hated them. I would get terrible anxiety as the scheduled day came closer and once I got there, I couldn’t wait for them to be over. I hated “acting like a boy.” It brought me literal pain and discomfort.

These feelings of pain, discomfort, and anxiety are symptoms of what is known as dysphoria. Dysphoria is an experience that nearly all transfolk experience. Euphoria is the feeling that everything is perfect—being in a state of mind that is complete bliss and one that you hope will never end. Dysphoria is the opposite of that. It’s the feeling that everything is wrong—a mental and emotional state of torture that feels like it will swallow you up and crush your spirit forever. When applied to transfolk specifically, dysphoria is what we used to mean when we said things like “I feel like a man trapped in a woman’s body” or vice versa. That phrase typically isn’t used any more because it implies that a person is only a man if they have a “male body”/a woman if they have a “female body,” but the intended meaning is the same.

I know that I’m transgender because I experience dysphoria. There are days that I look at myself and I just want to throw up because I don’t feel like I look right from a gender perspective. It feels like I’ve hijacked some other person’s body, like there’s a disconnect between my mind and the person I see in the mirror. Some days I look at my men’s clothes and putting them on feels like putting on clothes made of fire or acid. I see the hair on my legs and I want to rip each and every one of them out. This is dysphoria and it feels terrible.

Q2. What do you do when you feel this way? A2. Before I came out in November of 2016, I just buried it. As a child, I of course had no idea why I felt this way. Not only that, but even in the 1990s society wasn’t ready to talk about gender the way we talk about it now, so the idea of saying I was transgender could never cross my mind because there was next to no representation of transfolk. But now, when my dysphoria hits, I don’t avoid it. I listen to my body, think to myself, “Ok, so you’re not a man today,” and adjust my gender presentation accordingly. This brings me to my specific labels of being non-binary and genderfluid.

Traditionally in Western/American culture, we think of gender as a binary experience—everyone is either a man or a woman. Even most transfolk that you may be familiar with, like Caitlyn Jenner, Jazz Jennings, Laverne Cox, and Chaz Bono, are all binary transfolk. They identify as the “opposite” gender they were assigned at birth. Being non-binary means that I don’t completely identify as a man OR as a woman. Some non-binary people identify as more male than female, more female than male, or feel that they have no gender at all (this is known as being agender). However, I also identify as genderfluid, which means that similar to how water (or any fluid) in a glass can move fluidly in a glass depending on how you tilt it, my gender also moves fluidly.

Try thinking about gender as a spectrum (which nearly all psychologists agree it is), a line from 0 to 10. On one end, you have the feeling of being completely male all of the time and on the other side being completely female.

Though it is impossible to qualify with any kind of numbers, I would say my gender identity varies from day-to-day anywhere between a 4 and and a 10. Because I am more likely to be on the feminine side of the spectrum (6-10), I can also say that I’m transfeminine, meaning that while I don’t identify as a woman every single day (and thus am not a trans woman), I do, on average, tend to feel more like a woman than a man.

So, on days that I’m at a 4 or a 5, I probably just look like what you would expect a man to look like. However, if I’m at a 7, maybe I’ll wear “mens clothes” but also wear some make-up and/or nail polish. If I’m at a 9 or 10, I probably will wear “womens clothes,” make-up, a stuffed bra, and sometimes a wig. However, no matter what my gender expression/presentation is, I’m always non-binary.

Q3. Does this mean you’re a crossdresser? A3. No. Crossdressing is a hobby, which is totally fine if that’s what you’re into. It usually refers to men who always identify as men but find it “fun” to dress in women’s clothes. When I’m a man, I wear men’s clothes. When I’m a woman, I wear women’s clothes. It’s not a fetish or a hobby. I dress for whatever my gender is that day.

Q4. Does this mean you’re gay? A4. Because my gender is constantly shifting, labels like straight, gay, lesbian, and bisexual don’t apply to me. A person’s sexuality is defined not only by who they’re attracted to, but also their own gender. A man who is a attracted to men is gay. A woman who is attracted to men and women is bi. I am only attracted to women, but I myself am neither a man or a woman, so I can’t say that I’m straight, nor can I say that I’m a lesbian. Therefore, it’s most accurate for me to say that I’m attracted to women and just leave it at that.

Q5. What am I supposed to call you now? Are you changing your name? A5. I still go by Rich. If I’m in a very public place (like when placing an order at Starbucks for example) and I’m identifying/presenting as a woman and don’t want to get clocked as transgender, then I use the name Christina.

The only big change is that I don’t go by gendered pronouns (he/him or she/her). Like most non-binary people, I go by the gender neutral they/them. For example, a friend of mine wouldn’t say, “That’s my friend, Rich. He is an English teacher.” Instead, that friend would say, “This is my friend, Rich. They are an English teacher.” You might notice that I changed the gender preference on Facebook to reflect this (i.e. “Rich has changed their profile picture”).

Also, in general, I do not appreciate being addressed with terms/phrases like “Hey man” or “What’s up, dude?” I understand that most of the time when people use “man” or “dude,” they don’t mean it in a gendered way, but it still really aggravates my dysphoria to be called “dude,” even if I’m identifying/presenting as more masculine.

I also understand and can respect that having to think about my pronouns like this may seem strange and/or difficult to remember, but all I ask is that you try your best and definitely don’t misgender me on purpose.

Q6. Are you going to have “the surgery”/a sex change? A6. Just for the record, the term “sex change” isn’t used any more; the medical term is gender reassignment surgery (or GRS). But no, I am not. I do not plan on undergoing any kind of surgery to change my sex nor do I plan on taking hormones. My wardrobe and gender pronouns are enough to qualm any dysphoria.

I know that this is a lot to take in, both literally in the sense that it was almost 2,000 words long and uses terms you might never have heard of before, but also that it might be emotionally difficult, so thank you if you’ve made it this far into this letter. All I can say is that I wanted to come out to you because I love you and because I care about our relationship. I don’t want to be ashamed or hide who I am from you any more. Take as much time as you need to process this and again, please, if you have any more questions or concerns, talk to me. You can call me, text me, or write me a letter of your own, whatever makes you most comfortable.

Much thanks and even more love, Rich

#me #selfie #transgender #trans #nonbinary #nb #enby #transfeminine #genderfluid #genderqueer #girlslikeus #thisiswhattranslookslike #transgirlsruletheworld #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #pride #pride 2018

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nom-the-skel · 6 years

Text

[vore] Squirrels, chapter 6

After the short chapter, a long chapter. It’s mostly flashback though.

3.2k words! aftermath of soft safe willing vore, threats of presumably fatal vore, keeping squirrels as pets, crossdressing...?

[chapter 1][chapter 5][read on AO3][chapter 7]

Stretch followed Sans home. Sans kept seeing him jump from branch to branch out of the corner of his eye. It was just as well, since he wanted to ask all Papyrus’s squirrel friends what they knew about Razz. That didn’t mean he couldn’t give Stretch a hard time.

“What are you followin’ me for?” he said as they neared the edge of the forest. “Gonna come all the way into town? I can’t guarantee your safety.”

“You know why I’m following you. You still have my brother.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot.” Sans smirked at the outraged chitter this drew from Stretch. “Relax, he’s fine. But if you wanna make it to our house in one piece, maybe you should come ride in my pocket.”

“I’d rather—”

“Die? Because if you trot along behind me like that, you’re likely to get pounced on.”

“Blueberry made it.”

“Yeah, he got lucky. You shouldn’t really let him do that.”

“I’m just sayin’, it’d be a shame if I got home and coughed him up and had to tell him you got yourself eaten by some random fox. He’ll prob’ly blame himself, since you were here in town tryin’ to make sure he was okay.” Sans looked away casually at the sky, hiding his amusement. Stretch probably had no way of knowing how dangerous the town really was, and with his ability to teleport, there was little real risk so long as he stayed alert and out in the open.

Stretch grumbled. “Ugh, fine! You know, you could just let him out here in the forest instead!”

“Yeah, but I want to talk to him in the comfort of my own home.”

Stretch continued grumbling, but he climbed down a tree trunk, head first, and then scrambled up Sans’s leg.

“Not that one,” said Sans, putting a paw over the opening to his pocket. “Slim’s in there. You get the other side.”

Stretch glared at him and climbed across his stomach to dive into his other pocket. A squirrel on each side. Plus Blueberry in the middle. Nice and balanced. He grinned with satisfaction as he made his way into the house.

Papyrus was already home. “Where have you been? Dinner will be ready soon.”

“I already ate.”

“What did I tell you about sneaking off to Grillby’s and spoiling your appetite for—”

“Not Grillby’s. I still want dinner.”

“It’s a squirrel, isn’t it?” Papyrus asked flatly. “Which one? And give him back, please.”

“Okay, just a sec.”

Papyrus got a small towel ready while Sans regurgitated Blueberry into his paws.

“Here you go.” Sans handed him over and Papyrus dried him off. Papyrus clearly disapproved, but Blueberry grinned up at them, as if he’d just been having a refreshing nap. “I’ve got one more,” said Sans, digging into his pocket for Stretch. The orange squirrel looked distinctly nervous while dangling from Sans’s paw.

“Is there a particular reason you brought home all the squirrels?” Papyrus asked, as Stretch pulled himself up onto Sans’s arm and then made a leap for the safety of Papyrus’s towel.

“Yeah, I wanna ask them about something Alphys said.”

“Oh!” Blueberry perked up, tail twitching. “The squirrel she was looking for! I didn’t hear how that ended because you ate me. I see you got my brother back from her, though. Thank you, Sans, I knew you wouldn’t let us down!”

“What did Alphys say?” Papyrus seemed at a loss to think of anything Alphys would want with squirrels.

“She’s looking for a particular squirrel,” Sans said, a little apprehensive. He felt like the whole thing was kind of silly, but he’d said he would help.

“Yes? Which squirrel is she looking for? Maybe Blueberry and Stretch know him.”

“Or Slim,” said Stretch.

“Yes, or Slim. Where is he?”

Sans rested his paw over his pocket, lightly. “He’s sleepin’.”

“Well, you’d better wake him up. He sleeps too much anyway.”

Sans sighed and pulled the squirrel out of his pocket. Slim didn’t wake up, only cuddling into Sans’s paw pads.

Blueberry jumped over to Sans’s arm. “Slim, wake up! We want to ask you something!”

“Let him rest,” said Sans, covering the curled-up squirrel with his other hand.

“But for all you know, he could be the squirrel that wolf was lookin’ for,” Stretch pointed out. “Orange fur and tall, right? You mistook him for me once, so maybe she mistook me for him.” Sans bared a single fang at him.

“Did she say the name of the squirrel she was looking for?” Blue asked, leaning against Sans’s protective paw.

“She didn’t know.”

“But she told you his brother’s name,” Stretch reminded him, climbing up to sit on Papyrus’s shoulder. “What was it again? Sounded kinda familiar.”

Sans sighed. “It was Razz.”

Slim stirred.

“Where have I heard that name before?” Stretch pondered. Sans was sure he was doing this on purpose.

“That’s what Slim said when he first saw me, after Sans caught him!” Blueberry squeaked, loud and triumphant at having solved the mystery.

“Oh, right,” said Stretch. “And she said he was small and cute—like you, Blue—but with purple fur.”

“That sounds like the squirrel I saw Slim hanging out with before!” Blueberry hopped on Sans’s arm with delight.

Slim pulled himself out from between Sans’s paws, groggy and confused. “What did you say about Razz?”

“He’s alive! Your brother!” Blueberry just kept getting more excited.

“What?” Slim scrambled up Sans’s arm. “Where is he?”

“The wolves have him,” Stretch said. “They didn’t eat him. They kept him for a pet.”

“Wow, Slim, just like you!” Blueberry found every aspect of this increasingly delightful.

Slim looked up hesitantly at Sans, who was showing much less enthusiasm. “Can I—can we go see him?”

Sans hesitated for a moment, then answered breezily. “Of course. You think I’d keep you from your brother?”

***

Razz found himself waking up in darkness. Had he fainted? It couldn’t be. He was too tough to react like that, no matter what danger he faced. The last thing he remembered was teasing a big blue-green wolf that thought it could catch him. There was no way—he was too fast—so why was he someplace dark that reeked of wolf scent? And why couldn’t he move? Was this—had he been eaten, and was this dark, tight place the inside of the wolf’s stomach? He shivered at the thought, but dismissed it. It wasn’t wet and close like he’d imagine a stomach to be; the surface under him was hard and flat and smooth, and the reason he couldn’t move much was that his wrists and ankles were bound together behind his back.

“Where am I? How dare you!” His voice echoed back at him in the small enclosed space.

Nobody answered. He wriggled sideways until he found the wall, a smooth metallic surface curved like the inside of a half sphere, not much bigger than required to hold him, bisected by the floor. It was likely uniform all the way around, but he didn’t have anything better to do than explore it. But just as he started pushing himself along the edge, he heard voices. At first they were too quiet to make out, but they quickly grew closer.

“Bon appetit!” said one, and the wall lifted away. Razz blinked in the sudden light, making out the forms of two wolves. The blue one must be the same one he remembered. What had she done to him? She must have cheated somehow to catch him and leave him here like this.

“You cheater! Untie me and I’ll teach you a lesson!” he snarled at the blue wolf. If only his wrists had been bound in front he could have chewed through the ropes.

“Wow, he’s feisty.” The yellow wolf peered at him uncertainly.

“The feisty ones taste the best!” The blue one was proud of her catch.

The yellow one licked her lips, encouraged, and reached out for Razz. He snapped at her, and her hand hovered over him, as she tried to figure out how to pick him up without getting bitten.

“Here,” said the blue one, expertly snatching him up and dangling him by the tail. He writhed and twisted, trying to reach her paw, but he couldn’t touch her. “Say ‘aaah’!”

The yellow wolf giggled, and when Razz looked in her direction he got a face full of her tongue, bordered by sharp white teeth, leading back toward—well, he’d rather not think about that. The momentary paralysis brought on by surprise—certainly not fear—was enough that he missed his chance to resist further before finding himself lying face-down on her tongue, her jaws closing around him, wolf saliva and definitely not tears wetting his cheek bones, and if he failed to hold back a terrified-sounding squeak, well, it wasn’t as if Slim or anyone else he actually knew would find out about it. He squeezed his eyes shut. Slim was a grown squirrel and could take care of himself. He would be fine without his brother to look after him. He had to be…

“What’s wrong? Is it not good? I knew I shoulda tasted—”

The blue wolf’s voice penetrated his despair as the yellow wolf’s tongue and jaws fell away.

“Oh, no, no, it’s really good! I just—would it be bad if I—wanted to keep it?”

Razz found himself lying in the yellow wolf’s paws. It would have been pretty comfortable if he hadn’t been tied up. Blinking the liquid from his eyes, he looked up at the wolf.

“You know what they say about having your cake and eating it too,” the blue wolf was saying.

“Y-yeah, I mean, maybe I’d rather—have it, than eat it.”

The wolves looked at each other, the yellow one blushing awkwardly, the blue one taken aback. Razz couldn’t pass up this chance to attempt escape and tried to roll out of the yellow wolf’s paws, but she just caged him in with her other paw as he rolled toward the edge of the one he was on.

“Well, I guess—” said the blue wolf.

Razz bit one of the enclosing fingers. The yellow wolf yelped and pulled her paw away.

“—but not if it’s gonna bite you.” The blue wolf frowned at him. Her fangs were long, visible even with her mouth closed. Razz involuntarily shrank back, pressing against the yellow wolf’s paw pads.

“No, no, it’s okay. It’s just scared. Look, it didn’t even draw blood.” The yellow wolf cradled him to her chest, the wolf scent even more overpowering with her fur in his face. “It’s just a squirrel; what harm can it do?”

“I’ll show you what harm a squirrel can do!” Razz growled, but if the wolves heard him they didn’t show any sign.

“I know! Stick it in that old bird cage.” The blue wolf grinned, warming up to the idea of keeping him. “Then it can’t cause trouble. And if you get hungry sometime and don’t wanna go out and hunt, you can always eat it after all.”

***

“Here you go, Kiyo-chan.” The yellow wolf—her name was Alphys, or at least that’s what the other one had called her—shoved some peanuts through the bars of the cage, without opening the door.

“Don’t call me that.” Razz reached through the bars to swipe at her hand, but it was far out of reach. At least she’d untied him when she’d put him in here. He definitely wasn’t intimidated by the way the much-larger wolf could easily snap the ropes that had held him helpless.

“That’s your name, though! You’re named after one of the side characters from Mew Mew K—”

“No it’s not! How dare you? You can’t just go around handing out new names, without even asking, and especially not horrible nerdy names like that!”

“It’s a good name! It’s really cute. And Kiyosada is a great character! He starts off seeming like just comic relief, but as the show goes on—”

Razz covered his ears. “I don’t care! There’s no way some cartoon character is cool enough to share a name with me.” Especially if Razz was named after him and not the other way around. “It’s insulting!”

The wolf huffed, crossing her arms. “Well what kind of name do you want then?”

“I already have a name!”

“Oh, really?” Alphys’s ears perked up in surprise. “I suppose I never thought about squirrels having names before.”

“Of course I do! And it’s Razz. So you’d better call me by it, or else.”

“Oh, like a raspberry! That’s adorable!”

“No! I’m not adorable, I’m fierce!”

“Okay, I’ll call you Razz, if you promise not to bite me anymore.”

Razz growled, tail flicking in irritation. “Fine, I won’t bite you. Unless you manhandle me.”

“See, we’re gonna have a great time. Can you see the screen from there? I’ll show you the episodes with Kiyosada. Maybe you’ll change your mind about the name!”

“No I won’t,” said Razz, but he sat down and nibbled on the peanuts as she started up the video.

***

“Wow, he’s really tame,” said Undyne, the blue wolf, the first time she saw Razz sitting docilely on Alphys’s shoulder.

“He’s a good boy. Mostly,” said Alphys, with a nervous laugh. “He just has to stay on the leash.”

Of course, the first time Alphys had fallen asleep with him out of the cage, he’d explored her room for escape routes, and then hidden, hoping to get out when she eventually opened the door, or perhaps gnaw a hole in it if that proved impossible. But she’d been so worried and upset, he hadn’t run fast enough when she’d found him under a pile of clothes and plush anime characters. Since then she’d made sure to put a leash on him whenever he was out of the cage, and whatever it was made of, it was too tough for him to chew through.

“Well, he looks really cute.”

“I don’t look cute,” Razz protested. “I look handsome! Or dapper! But not cute!” He couldn’t reach the bow in the light blue ribbon around his neck, but he straightened the one on his tail. If it was crooked that might make it look more ‘cute’ and less sharp.

“Okay, okay. You don’t look cute. You look adorable!” The blue wolf laughed at him, and he glared at her until Alphys distracted him with a peanut.

***

“I don’t know why you’re so attached to that bandanna,” Alphys complained. “Sure, it matches your fur, but that just makes it blend in too much. These ribbons are much c—cooler. And it’s got all these rips and tears in it.”

Razz glared, suspecting she’d just herself from saying ‘cuter.’ “I had a life before I met you, you know. This is all I have left.”

Alphys paused, as if she hadn’t considered that before. “Well, you’re better off here, though, aren’t you? You’ve got a warm place to sleep, plenty of food and entertainment and clothes—once I finish adding the tail holes—and you’re safe from predators. Except us, ha ha. And we wouldn’t eat you—unless we were really starving. What does the forest have to compare to that?”

Razz looked away. He couldn’t tell her about Slim. What if she went after him? He wouldn’t put his brother’s freedom at risk like that. Besides, he didn’t really want Slim to see him like this, no matter how good he looked in these ribbons.

“Here, try this one on.” She pulled something from the box of doll clothes Undyne had brought, and placed it inside Razz’s cage. The door was open; he couldn’t try on clothes while wearing a leash, but by now she trusted him not to bolt out. “It’s a dress so it will fit over your tail without a hole.” She waited while he pulled it on and pushed his arms out the sleeves. “You look fabulous!” She held up a hand mirror so he could see.

“Of course I do!” He straightened out the skirt. “I still think I could just wear the bandanna over it.”

“No, no, the colors clash.”

“If it doesn’t clash with my fur, it won’t clash with my bandanna!”

“That’s different!” Alphys bared her teeth, but he didn’t back down, glaring at her defiantly through the bars of his cage. She sighed in defeat. “All right, fine. Wear the bandanna. But not when anyone’s gonna see you.”

“Who’s going to see me?”

“Actually, I was thinking of making a window box, so you can see outside, and monsters walking by could see how cu—cool you look.”

“No—no, please, I don’t want anyone to see me like this!” It was unlikely Slim would happen to walk by the wolves’ house. Razz wasn’t even really sure how far it was from the forest; he’d only seen Alphys’s room since the first day when she’d decided not to eat him. But word might get out, and if Slim did somehow find out, he’d either get himself killed trying to get here, or actually make it here and see what Razz had been reduced to.

“Oh, is the dress too frilly? Don’t worry, we’ll make sure you look good and not overly cute.”

“No, the dress is fine. I just—remember, I’m—I’m a pet now.” Razz looked away. “I don’t want anyone to know how—how far I’ve fallen. Especially not…”

“What are you talking about? Any squirrel would be lucky to be our pet.”

He turned back to her, grimacing. “Sometimes I wish you’d just eaten me.”

“What? Why? I thought you were happy here!”

His tail flicked nervously. “I—I am, but—I’m still a prisoner.”

“Well, what would you do if I let you go?”

“I would try to get back to—” No, he wouldn’t just try. He would succeed! He rephrased it: “I would go back to the forest where I lived before you caught me.”

“But why? Why not just stay here? We have a lot of anime to watch still, and you have everything you need!”

“Not everything.”

“What is it? What’s so important that you’d give up a cushy life and trek all the way back to the forest, dodging wolves and foxes and hawks?”

He looked away again. She reached into the cage and pulled him out. The way she stroked his skull told him she didn’t mean it to be intimidating, but being held right in front of a wolf’s muzzle couldn’t help but make him a little nervous. He glimpsed the white of her teeth as she spoke. “Come on, Razz. We’re friends now, aren’t we? You can tell me.”

He twisted around to try and climb off her paw and back into his cage, but she blocked him with her other paw. He climbed up the second paw, only to encounter the first again, and gave up, sitting down on her paw pad. “It’s—it’s my brother,” he finally admitted.

#nomtheskel writing #wolfbunny fic: squirrels

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