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hellfiremunsonn · 1 year

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Emetophobia. Steve Harrington x Reader

Emetophobia.

I DO NOT ALLOW MY WRITING TO BE REPUBLISHED ANYWHERE OTHER THAN MY OWN BLOG WITHOUT MY CONSENT

Emetophobia: “The extreme fear of vomiting”

summary: Your monthly movie night doesn’t go to plan when Robin ends up sick in the bathroom, leaving Steve to see how badly your phobia can cause you to panic.

(This fic has no smut. Younger audiences are able to read this without any explicit content. but I will still be marking and labeling my writing as 18+)

18 + IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER DO NOT READ OR INTERACT WITH MY WRITING. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR MINORS. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

WARNINGS: fem! reader, talk of emetophobia, coping mechanisms for it, mentions of panic attack/anxiety attack, descriptions of said panic attack/ anxiety attack. Mentions of Robin throwing up, but no descriptive detail of the act itself.

word count: 2531

AN: HI HELLO. So this is a very self indulgent fic I've written, because I myself have emetophobia. It’s a very debilitating phobia, and it’s hard for people to understand it. I know the way I react to it, and certain situations pertaining it arent rational, and I know my thoughts about it aren’t rational, but it can’t control it. It’s truly the only time that germs will bother me. I go on full panicked cleaning sprees while sobbing and having a full meltdown. It’s not fun, so I thought I’d write something for me, and so that maybe some of you could learn, and hopefully understand it.

It's about eight thirty when the gang arrives at Steves for your monthly movie night. With everyone getting older, and relationships becoming more serious, your group of friends don't get the chance to all hang out together as often as you once did. So you all decided on a monthly movie night, usually held at Steves, but each person or couple picked a different batch of movies to watch each time.

The winter weather told you not everyone would make it today, cars a little too old, and noses a bit too runny, but it was the fact that all of you tried and most of the time managed to gather for these nights. Never disappointed when someone couldn't make it, or you had to postpone it to a different week.

Almost everyone made it, Robin and Eddie both sick with a cold so they decided to stay home which you were extra grateful for. Although it wasn't the flu, and the cold was a sickness you could rationalize and manage, it still didn't dissolve the deep rooted phobia you desperately tried to hide, chalking it off as just anxiety to your friends, giving you an easy excuse to avoid certain situations like parties or bars.

It made you feel so stupid for being terrified of something so normal, so natural even. It was your bodies way of trying to make you feel better, but even the thought of just feeling sick could send you into a spiral. If you were being completely honest, you would rather stab yourself in the thigh and bleed out then throw up, or be near someone who's thrown up.

You were able to keep it hidden from Steve for most of your relationship, until one night where you refused to get into the car when everyone was leaving a bar because you were too nervous one of your more than tipsy friends were going to be sick. To everyone else, you had a panic attack so you and Steve walked home together in the warmth of the summer night. Although it was technically true, you had to explain to Steve that it was something you've dealt with forever, something you try to avoid at all costs if possible. You didn't want Steve to see that part of you, but you knew it helped him understand you a bit more, why you did the things you did.

Your little quirks started to make sense to Steve after you told him, and he was able to start picking up on your nervous habits, giving him a chance to help you navigate situations where your phobia made you anxious. It also explained why it took you forever to sleep over at his house, or to even have him spend the night at yours with you able to stay in your bed the entire night. Most times Steve would have woken up to find you tucked up on the couch fast asleep instead of in the space next to him, and for the longest time he never knew why. Constantly feeling guilty, like he punched you in his sleep or something and you were too shy to tell him.

He let you do everything you needed to do to sleep, when you began sleeping over at his place. If you needed a light on, a fan for noise or if you got too hot at night, he would be more than accommodating. The tv on playing a movie which you'd get up and rewind and play again if you couldn't sleep? Steve would start waking up on instinct to rewind it for you, even if you had eventually fallen asleep. He would let you have a tape playing with the same song on a loop for twelve hours if that's what you needed.

Still, Steve hadn't seen it at its worst, until tonight.

You'd been keeping an eye on max all night the minute she said she felt shittier than usual considering she was 'just pmsing'. Your anxiety instantly heightened for the few hours your friends gathered in the living room. You watched what she ate, and how much of it, doing the same thing with whatever alcohol she decided to sip on. Only when you were about half way through the second movie, when you paused it for everyone to have a bathroom break, did you start to relax, when max excitedly bounced up to you. Sitting next to you with a giggle, wanting to fill you in on her college gossip before everyone was ready for the movie to continue.

You realized that just maybe your anxiety was lying to you, for real this time. So your anxieties faded and you were able to enjoy the rest of your night, falling asleep sometime before the second movie ended, Steves arm wrapped securely around your shoulders.

When you wake up, you're a little more slumped against Steve, still tucked up into his side and you can hear him talking quietly. You make a small groan of protest before lifting yourself from him, rubbing your eyes.

"Sorry babe, did I wake you?" Steve asked, tucking some of your hair behind your ear when you look up at him. You realize everyone is gone except for Lucas who's standing on the other side of the living room, leaning against the wall.

"I don't think so" you said with a yawn, stretching your arms over your head. "Did everyone go home?" you asked.

"Yeah, not too long ago, Lucas is just waiting for max to finish in the bathroom"

You nodded sleepily. Until you heard a cough come from the bathroom down the hall and your body immediately tensed. Steve felt your body stiffen against him and squeezed your shoulder. "S'okay babe"

You nodded again, taking a deep breath and trying to relax again. Maybe it was just a cough, that's possible, but when two more coughs came next with that unmistakeable sound you were quick up on your feet.

"Shit" Lucas muttered, racing towards the bathroom and knocking on the door before opening it, giving you a sliver of a second to catch Max on her knees in front of the toilet, confirming your anxieties, and sending you straight into panic mode. Staring back down at Steve like a deer in headlights, and he was quick to stand next to you, taking your shoulders in his hands and turning your whole body to face him.

"Go upstairs to my room yeah? I'll come get you when it's okay"

Your bottom lip wobbled as you ran up the stairs to Steves room, your feet thumping loudly against them and you didn't hesitate to slam the door behind you.

You start pacing and tried to control your breathing, counting how many steps it takes to cross each side of Steves room, until you don't even realize you're counting. You know you're being dramatic, and that what you feel is selfish, but it doesn't stop your body from going into fight or flight. Your skin feels wrong, and your clothes feel like they're covered in germs, and you strip yourself of them as quickly as you can, leaving you only in your bra and underwear.

"Fuck, shit, shit, shit" You mumble. "Come on, get your shit together"

You don't want Steve to see you like this, it's embarrassing, and if you could keep it hidden from him forever you would.

If feels like every possible germ Max could have been carrying is on you, on your skin, in the air, on every surface of the house. Hugging your arms around yourself you slide your hands up your arms, letting the nails drag across them harshly before digging them into your shoulders, knowing you're leaving half moon dents in your skin, but it's the only thing grounding you while sobs wrack at your chest.

It's been what feels like forever when Steve finally comes up stairs, knocking on the door lightly before entering and closing the door behind him like you two weren't now the only ones in the house.

He's confused at first when he takes in your trembling frame, almost nude in front of him pacing back and forth, and when he sees your face his heart breaks. Your cheeks are wet and splotchy, and he can tell you've been crying the entire time he's left you, and he's a little unsure of what to do.

"They're gone, everything's all good now" he said as reassuring as he could muster his voice to sound.

You shook your head, continuing pacing, your hands clenching and unclenching into tight fists. "N-No" you whimpered. "Max was leaning on me" you shake your hands out in frustration; as if everything you're feeling will leave through them if you shook them hard enough.

"I-I could get sick" you huffed. "God she touched so many things" when you stop pacing and cover your face with your hands, crying into them, Steve knows he can come over to comfort you. He wraps his arms around your shoulders tightly, one hand holding onto the back of your head like a small child while you cried harder into his chest.

You lean back from him, but don't push yourself away. "I want to rip my skin off" you said with a sob. "I'm hot, and it feels like the germs are festering on me" You whine.

"Do you want to shower? I can clean up downstairs?" He asks.

"I wont know if you've cleaned it all properly, I-I need to do it" you say looking at your hands, palms red with how tightly you've had them.

"What if you shower, and you tell me everything I need to do, so I can clean everything the way it needs to be done?" He says softly, taking your face into his hands, his thumbs sliding just under your jaw to push your chin up so he can look at you. You can smell the peach scented soap from the kitchen on his hands and you almost lose it at Steves thoughtfulness. The fact that he had washed his hands before coming back up to see you, getting one step closer to calming your nerves.

"You can follow me around the whole time, you wont have to touch anything" His eyes are searching yours, for anything at this point. New territory being discovered in your relationship and Steve being Steve he wants to fix it.

A new wave of tears blur your eyes and you look down to avoid Steves while a sob escapes you. No one had ever taken the time to learn, to try to understand, to even help you when you got like this. For so long it was something you hid, even to yourself, and now you're standing in front of someone who loves you so endlessly, that he's willing to do whatever it is to make sure that you're okay.

He pulls you back into his chest and you wrap your arms around him tightly, holding his t-shirt in tight fists where they land on his back. "I love you" You mumbled into him.

"What was that?" he said tucking his chin to his chest to look at you.

You leaned back from him once more, a small smile on your lips when you look up at him. "I love you" you repeat.

"I love you too baby" he said with a relieved sigh, thankful for the smile on your face. "Can I do this for you?" he asked.

"Yes please" you said with a huff. "I think that would be very helpful"

"Thank you" he said holding your wet face in his hands, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your lips.

You furrow your eyebrows "What are you thanking me for?"

"For trusting me enough to help you" he said with a shrug, intertwining his fingers with yours while he lead you to the bathroom, starting the shower and bringing fresh towels for when you got out.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're the best boyfriend ever?" you ask, wrapping your arms around his neck, fingers twirling in the hair at its base.

He laughed, leaning forward and bringing his arms behind you to unclip your bra. "Can't say anyone has" He continues to undress you, no heat or tension with his movements, just love.

"Alright" he said kissing the top of your head. "You are now shower ready"

"Can you shower with me?" You ask sweetly.

"Of course" Steve says quickly, impossible to say no to you.

The two of you shower mostly in silence, but it's peaceful. The sound of the water and the way Steve massages the foamy shampoo into your hair has you on the brink of sleep. His hands soft between the wet tendrils on your head, his thumb smoothing down the back of your neck, pressing into the tired muscle gently. Sore from the stiff tension you held while panicking, and you groaned feeling your body finally start to relax. You felt like you were floating, barely hearing Steve when he asked you to turn around so you could rinse the shampoo out.

When your shower is finished, Steve makes sure to dress you in only his clothes, freshly folded in his laundry basket, still waiting to be put away from early in the day.

He sits down on his bed with a notepad in his lap, and a pen at the ready?

"What's that for?" you ask, scrunching as much water as you can out of your hair with one of the towels.

"Give me my list, what do I gotta do"

You blush, feeling a little embarrassed, but still you sit next to him with a sigh. "I'm going to sound crazy okay? And it's going to sound so stupid, because germs don't ever bother me, until it's this" you say waving your hand in the air around you.

"I like a little crazy" he said with a smirk and a shrug. "NUMBER ONE" he says loudly while numbering his paper.

You go on to tell him all the things you do when you do the cleaning yourself. You clean every surface you can think of that the person has touched, or potentially touched. Doorknobs, the doorframes, the faucets in the bathroom, and in the kitchen, any dish they've used. The toilet (obviously) the floor around it, the tank of the toilet, the handle. He writes it all down as quickly as you say it, words tumbling out of your mouth in fear that if you stop you'll overthink it too much and make yourself feel worse about your phobia.

And he does it all, he cleans everything, and maybe a little bit more diligently than you would and it makes your heart swell that he'd do this for you. A Saturday night where the two of you would have been tucked up in his bed, limbs tangled around each other, but instead he's scrubbing every inch of the island in his kitchen without a care in the world. He even goes as far as to disinfect the outside handle of the front door "just incase" All because he's hopelessly, and endlessly in love with you, and you couldn't be more head over heels in love with him.

#hellfiremunsonn #Steve Harrington #Steve Harrington x reader #Steve Harrington fic #Stranger Things #Stranger Things fic #Steve Harrington Stranger Things #Stranger Things Steve Harrington #Steve Harrington x you #Steve Harrington x (y/n)#Steve Harrington fluff #Stranger Things fluff #tw emetophobia #emetophobia

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gatheringbones · 1 year

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genuine question: how do you stand the loneliness? i'm in my mid 20s and ive never been loved in a way that didnt hurt. i dont want to have to run after ppl begging for the smallest scrap of affection anymore but i keep turning up ppl who, even though they are interested in me and seem generally decent, arent ready to lower their walls and let me in, so its either that or nothing, and im so fucking lonely. i try to bury myself in work and going out as much as i can, but sometimes it hits me, and i dont know how to stand it anymore. i just want to be able to be kind to someone and treat them with all the love and affection i have, and not have to guard myself at the same time or be afraid of them or feel like i can never be sure with them. i think you've been lonely like that for a long time, too, and i dont have anyone who understands. i know the only advice you can give is probably "endure and continue to have self respect", but i dont know how to do that without also becoming small, and sad, and worn out from all the loneliness. if there's anything you can think of that helped you get through it, please tell me--i dont want to burden or overwhelm you, but i dont know what to do anymore, and like i said, you seem like you've survived a couple of those sorts of droughts and i dont have anyone else to talk to about this

so on those first few early dates with c when she was either driving an hour up north or I was taking the bus two hours down to see her, I was so rattled by the experience of building intimacy with someone else that I couldn’t really think of what we ought to do with each other on our dates. In the end I decided: we would just do what I ordinarily did to build intimacy with myself, which meant taking lots of long walks all over residential seattle. and I’d been living there for over ten years at that point, getting around either by walking or by bus. before that I’d lived in the sticks. before that I’d lived in the part of the sticks that wasn’t connected to the power grid. my earliest memories are long lonely walks. long lonely walks were my primary coping mechanism for debilitating post traumatic stress and survivor’s guilt. and with c it was wild because. it was exactly like going on these walks with myself, only I was more of myself and these walks were more of what they were. what’s more the internal map of the city I had built in my feet over a decade was suddenly of use. all of the time and neurons I had put into building it were relevant to the present situation.

i packed a backpack once. water and a cheeseboard with a little cheese knife and a can of prosecco and a can of kirin for c and lots of little cheeses and salamis and fruits and veggies and chocolate almonds. And I took c on a long meandering walk that I knew from memory; fremont to the crown hill cemetery to the stairs leading down to golden gardens to the beach at sunset. all places I’d been by myself and taken my friends to before. places I’d taken myself to after packing myself a snack and bringing my journal and quite literally staring across the water at a home that would kill me if I ever returned to it. all that time mattered. the time I had spent in that place making those friendships and mourning that life and building that intimacy with myself and the city mattered.

All the years before— giving, giving, gifts to those who could not care, would not give back. How well we made a feast together. Those years of waste were over.

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heavyskysystem · 5 months

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How to unstuck a trauma holder

First of, unstucking a trauma holder and grounding them from the persistent emotional pain and constant re-experiencing of trauma they suffer under can take a long time, but there are techniques that can be used to help ground them.

Breathing techniques

Breathing techniques have proven to be quite helpful in grounding an distracting from the emotional anguish. The focus on nothing but the breathing, and on being aware of how the breath moves through your body is very helpful in creating sensations that keep the alter in the here now. Yoga Breathing | Alternate Nostril Breathing (youtube.com) Box breathing relaxation technique: how to calm feelings of stress or anxiety (youtube.com)

Setting up an inner safe space

Setting up an inner safe space can be very helpful and grounding for the alter, they can set it up themselves following simple instructions to do so. This place can then be always visited to practice allowing positive feelings of safety. It can be a place filled with symbolism for their positive qualities, or be something very simple without many details. If they arent capable or willing to create their own inner safe space, you can also attempt to do it for them if they arent against it, this can feel like a gift to them because you do so with the best in mind for them, thinking of what they like, and what what might make them feel safe.

Grounding Exercise for Anxiety #7: Creating a Safe Place - YouTube

Somatic therapy/experiencing

To proccess their trauma emotions, and to feel more at ease with their body somatic experiencing can be very helpful guided and somatic experiencing that just comes to you. Like the alter that might not have spend years in their body using both of their hands to touch their legs, arm, belly to get used to their body again and to feel grounded within it. For them to explore how their body suits them and how it feels nowadays, to become aquainted with how the body differs in the present. Guided Somatic experiencing can lead to the processing of trauma and expression of it, since a lot of trauma-holders are stuck in one or more trauma responses doing this can also help heal their sympathetic nervous system and allign them to get out of their trauma response. A lot of the time trauma holders are in so much pain that merely speaking about their experiences will not help them, theres the rule that once your level of distress reaches a certain height you can only change emotions via emotional reasoning and no longer via rational reasoning, so you have to find other solutions than intellectualizing or talking.

Somatic Practice for Trauma and Stress Release (youtube.com)

Trauma informed Yoga

Similar to somatic experiencing, allows you to proccess repressed emotions and feelings stuck in the body that otherwise cannot get out and cant be intellectualized out

Trauma-Informed Hip Opening Yoga for Emotional Release | Trauma Informed Yoga (youtube.com)

Art

Poetry, drawings, music and every creative endeavour you can think of can be helpful in letting a trauma holder proccess their trauma and emotions. I have heard that one over and over again as being one of the most helpful ways of coping, their trauma holder didnt know where to put their anger until expressing it into art, and so on.

Following the emotion You lie down in bed, get comfortable and just let you and your trauma-holder in co-con follow the emotions and anxieties your trauma holder feels, this proccess can take a long time. You just let every emotion come and go and feel it to your fullest. This might cause strange bodily sensations like a current running through your body, body party to go numb, or sensations of pressure. Its important to be kind to each and every sensation and emotion. When you start feeling the emotion in the body like that you first start to appreciate how powerful your emotions truly are. At the end of this you may cry tears of real relief and feel a bit lighter.

Grounding excerises

10+ Mindful Grounding Techniques (Incl. Group Exercise) (positivepsychology.com)

there are multiple ones to use, they often help redirect a little bit and to get you or them out of a flashback.

All of these things take practice and repetition, you cant do them just once and expect your trauma holder to be free of their symptoms! It takes dedication.

#DID #dissociative system #dissociative identity disorder #actually traumagenic #trauma holder #protector alter #persecutor alter #plural #plurality #plural community #did support #did resource #did help

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roadkillremi · 10 months

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Hey omg I love the fics w mindy and randy in it you're litterally incredible!

I was wondering if you can do some sub! Randy x fem! Reader smut where reader takes Randy's virginity?

(Only if your comfortable ofc💓)

Yes yes! Thank you for asking!

I'm not good with smut sorry 🥹🫣

My Boy.

MasterList

Warnings : MINORS DNI, Language, Mentions being friends with benefits, mentions killer, p in V, unprotected.

Summary : Ask above. Randy and Reader are 18+.

After the Woodsboro murders you've all been coping differently. Sidney bought a Taser gun and studied up on the law. Randy focused on becoming a director and getting into college. But you could only focus on Randy, you'd thought maybe it was from almost dying. Even before the murders you and Randy were close in a way "friends" usually arent . You two would get caught kissing and flirting with each other all the time. But neither of you would ask the other out.

Which leaves you in the video store looking up at Randy. You took a big bite of your hot red licorice rope trying to get his attention. You were standing in the horror section for about fifteen minutes now. The licorice rope gently rests on the bottom of your lip. Randy kept looking over at you eyeing the candy rope. He knew your little game, he was a film geek after all. He smiled to himself before walking over.

"Do you need help?" He asked showing a bit of frustration. You tilted your head slightly, "No.. why?". Randy took a deep breath and looked at the movie selection.

"You've seen all of these." He says softly. He means you and him, together have seen them. You nodded, "I'm actually here to see you.". You turned towards him with a slight smile. His cheeks turned a slight pink, "Oh.. What's up?". You shrugged, "Missed ya.".

"Randy! Can you get to the front counter?!" Karen fussed. Randy nodded, "Yeah!" He called back. You rolled your eyes at her, "I think she likes you." You said as you followed him. He gave you a look, "No way. That's Creepy Karen.". You leaned in close to him, "Exactly.". You took a bite of your licorice rope, "Besides.". You leaned on the front counter towards him.

"She's been pissy ever since she saw me kiss you." You teased. Randy froze, he looked as if he was going to speak but lost it. You sighed looking down at the candy counter, "Any plans tonight?". Randy shook his head, "Gonna rewatch Dazed and Confused. That's all.". You nodded, "My folks are gone again. So if you wanna come over, it can be a date.". Randy quickly nodded, "Sure. That's if Creepy Karen allows me." He joked. You smiled, "Great just swing by after work!".

You heard a knock on your door distracting you from making your bed. You walked quickly to the front door with a giddy feeling in your stomach. You opened it with a sweet smile.

"Randy." You say stepping to the side to let him in. He walks in, "Y/N.". You close the door behind you, "Ready to watch a movie?" You ask walking towards him. He smiled, "Of course. Whatcha got to eat?". He went into the kitchen and looked around. You followed, "I have bagged popcorn and some sodas.". Randy looked at you, "Bagged popcorn?". You gave him a look, "My parents haven't gone grocery shopping okay?".

"It'll do." He said in a joking manner. You grabbed the popcorn while he grabbed some sodas. Yes I headed towards your room, "Not in the living room tonight?". You looked back at him, "It's comfier in my room.". He followed you, you threw the bag on the bed.

"What's the movie?" You asked, putting your hand out. Randy placed the VHS tape in your hand. You looked down to see Dazed and Confused.

"Seriously?" You took the tape out of its case.

"I told you I was rewatching it tonight." He smiled sitting down on your bed. You pressed play and crawled into your bed. Randy leaned back against the headboard hitting his head on the edge.

"Ow!" He whined. You laughed lightly, "Are you okay?". He glared at you, "No, your bed tried to kill me.". He touched the back of his head and lightly hissed.

"come here.." you moved closer to him trying to look at his head.

"There's no blood you're fine." You say lightly. He looks at you, "I don't feel fine.".

"Do I need to kiss it better?-" you teased. He glanced at you, "Aww call me here, Randy!" You cooed. You leaned towards him, his face went pink.

"I'm fine" he whined. You kissed his head, "There.". Randy looked at you, "Thanks.". You grinned, "It's my job.". You put your hand on his chest to push yourself back up. Randy cleared his throat, "Y/N?".

"Yes?" You asked, taking a handful of popcorn. Randy sat up, "We've been kissing a lot lately... And I was thinking-".

"I like you, Randy-" you interrupted. Randy blinked at you, "Don't interrupt me! I like you too I was gonna say we can y'know..".

"Date?" You asked with a light grin. He nodded, you smiled leaning towards him.

"Of course." You gave him a light peck on the lips. You leaned against him, "It's about time. I thought I was gonna die before you confessed your undying love for me." You teased.

"Whoa whoa! I said I liked you! Besides I was following the rules." He trailed off. You glanced at him, "Well there's no killer around...". Randy's eyes slowly widened, his cheeks went red. You smiled, "Relax. We don't have to-".

"No." He blurted. He awkwardly smiled, "I uh would like to... If you want to...". You cupped his cheek, "Of course. Remember if you want to stop at any point just tell me.". He nodded quickly, you leaned on top of collapsing your lips onto his. His hands roamed nervously on your back, you let out a soft laugh.

"What?" He whined, you smiled.

"You're so nervous. It's okay.". You say softly leaning back down. You left a trail of kisses down his jaw and neck. His breath hitched, his hand latched onto your sides. You left a small hickey on his neck before peaking up.

"Alright?" You whispered. He nodded, you sat up to take your shirt off. Randy laid in a trance, his eyes devouring you. You looked at him, "Do I need to undress you?" You teased. He looked away, his face full of embarrassment. He sat up and took off his shirt following your lead. You slid off your bottoms kicking them to the side.

"Can I?" Your hand gently moved towards his belt. He nodded, you unbuckled his belt before unbuttoning his pants. You slide down his jean revealing his batman boxers. You smile glancing at him, "Shut up" he mumbled.

"I didn't say anything." You teased. You gave him a small kiss as you climbed onto his lap. He softly groaned as your clothed core aligned with his. You teasingly brought your weight down onto him. He let out a breathy moan, he grabbed your hips keeping them still.

"Still okay?" You whisper. He nodded, "Jus' feels so good." He whispered. You let out a small laugh, you snaked your hands between the two of you. You lifted yourself up to pull him out of his boxers. Randy took heavy breaths as you grabbed his member. The tip was pink and leaking with pre-cum. You let go of him causing Randy to whine. You tsked at him, "I'm taking off my underwear. So impatient.". You shimmied the fabric off of you throwing it behind you.

You realigned yourself and gently sunk down onto him. Randy let out a whiney moan as he grabbed onto your thighs. You lowered yourself letting out a soft moan.

"Ready?" You asked softly. He nodded, you began to go up and down. Randy tensed up against you immediately. Randy squirmed, "I.... We forgot.. a condom.." he mumbled between moans. You shook your head, "It's okay.". You grabbed his shoulder for support as you sped up. His moans grew more needy and louder.

"So close... 'm sorry.." he whined.

"It's okay. You're doing so well baby" you cooed. Randy moaned in response, "Feels s' good." He moaned. He pushed himself up a bit out of need, "You... You can cum." You offered. Randy shook his head, "What about you?". He continuously tried to push his hips up into you as he held himself back. You moaned out softly, "I'm close too..". Randy nodded and took it as confirmation to continue to push his hips up.

He whined and sped up as he released into you. He leaned back letting out a moan. Your thighs were shaking lightly as you continued to bounce on him.

"How did you like it?" You softly asked. Randy stared up at the ceiling, "So fucking good..".

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mejomonster · 3 months

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Huai dao: 1 i hope Sheng Yao dates KING OF ACTING SHU JIU (who is secretly Hei Xiazi from dmbj i am standing by that)

2 i do think sheng yao and su junzi (and the conflict of su junzi being married) situation aspects was somewhat worked into the 3 persom situation of fei du/luo wenzhou/tao ran in modu. The characters are different, and modu is way more intense about it (all 3 of the modu people have way more trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms and Intensities to them than sheng yao or su junzi so far). But the fun ideas played with are definitely sparks of excitement during Huai Dao, and i can see why they were worked in modu.

3 i want more jiang hu backstory! Idk about shen yexi having ptsd, as he (as far as i know) had a support network of friend coworkers and has been using fairly normal coping mechanisms for stress that arent like causing any major issues for him. But i do think jiang hu (based on hints so far) has either some childhood trauma or actual past-work trauma. The childhood trauma theory: if this is like modu, then the cases may parallel one or both leads mental states. In that case: jiang hu had a childhood where he was expected to be perfect and fell short/felt guilty, or perhaps he was a victim to something and seeked to appease them to feel in control (like 2nd huai dao case). Which could be adult work trauma and could be very broad frankly: it could instead be that he had an old workplace where his mistakes led to something bad for someone (maybe patients or coworkers) so he took on an unfair amount of guilt he put on himself (or someone im authority blamed him and he believed them in that it was his fault), or he felt so out of control (in any kind of abusive workplace tbh) that he ended up guilty abd scared of Following Orders or Protocol or Superiors and failing to help who he intended (both a corrupt workplace or even just a run of the mill police one/societally normalized stressful workplace) couldve caused it.

I tried to word it before and went on a tangent so im going to try and just quick state what i hope comes across clearly. So i think priest doesnt use mental health terms particularly well in Huai Dao. It gets better in later novels of priests novels (modu handles terms better - including parts where things arent named, which is sometimes more realistic of trauma and levels of it and depression and anxiety and just how like the range of how we cope and what messes us up is vastly different and results in different ways for people, and what deeply affects one person may make no result in another). But in Huai Dao because of specific term labelling, and it being on perpetrators of harm, it can fall into a kind of reinforcing certain ideas - which is my biggest warning if you read. The actual portrayal of characters feels realistic TO each individual characters cirmstances and feels reasonably realistic. So i think priesr doesnt let it affect actual portrayals. But atuff like say a criminal having ocd but no one on the investigation team having ocd... you know. Its like if you have 1 gay character in a story and theyre a villai. Its fine to do a gay villain, but if its ur only gay character then readers as a whole may just reinforce their belief 'gay people are bad' unless you have some other neutrally or well treated gay character to reinforce that your story is not intending to say all X are bad. Idk if that makes sense? (Like... again modu compares childhood abuse cases, in fact a variety from Fei Du and the Su girl forced to harm otjers as children and what theyre like older, to zhang donglai with an absent dad and his own fucked family issues, to various side characters... and because theres people who turn out all kinds of ways, and fei du is a lead wr root for, theres never the feeling of the story seeming to indicare people abused as children are 'bad.' Instead the story just more broadly is showing how things could turn out varyingly, and how a wide spectrum of ppl have lived through that kind of trauma). I think huai dao if it leaned less on labelling terms might have worked better, or some side or main chqracters having similar mental health issues that the writing paints as people we root for or feel sympathy toward like victims. So like. Mm a weak spot for sure. Expected to run into it in tjis genre, its not an uncommon flaw in many a crime novel or show. But it is something to be aware of. while i think if a main cjaracter eventually does reveal they have mental health issues is may help lessen the kind of abrasiveness currently. But qho knows. This is a problem widespread in stories.

I think the characters tjemselves function as you expect ppl to in their situation. So as realistic characters things feel not illogical or so unrealistic it drives me up a wall. But yeah the terms and a bit of the selection of who has what background has some not ideal choices.

#huai dao #lb

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transvicquemare · 1 year

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walks in here talk to me about system harry <- system who believes so strongly in system harry

anon we r shaking hands 🤝🤝 system harry makes me have so many feelings he reminds me of how my system works so much.. (aka i am sitting here as the host while the peanut gallery in my mind has a Lot of commentary sdfds)

i dont tend to use system roles for myself but like a LOT of his parts function as protectors (or ‘persecutors’ i guess but i feel like most persecutors are misled protectors YAKNOW), they usually try to protect him in pretty maladaptive ways but they are TRYING .. like electrochemistry trying to ‘help’ harry cope by using substances and sex. half light reads like a trauma holding protector, constantly in fight or flight, desperately trying to protect in his twisted way as well. volition is also pretty clearly reads as a protector, who is often pretty important to keeping the whole system in check (usually.. sometimes they overdo it)

AND LIKE yeah a lot of the parts kind of act as fragments who are mostly fufill one kind of job, like hand eye coordination comes to mind. BUT some of the parts to me read as like deeply complex ppl. like physical instrument is often called coach like he has a name and everything!!!! to me he reads as like a bit of a memory holder of harrys time as a gym teacher.

and ANOTHER note on the complexity is the actual interactions the parts have with each other (the compromised scene around klaasje, and the ‘mr evrart is helping me find my gun’ thing come to mind) they talk and kinda bully each other. suggestion calls volition ‘crownhead’, they can see each other in the headspace mayhap....

I DUNNO I DUNNO i could make a whole post talking abt every skill and their role within the system honestly its so interesting to me!! but man the way the system actually presents itself is relatable to me bc like Yeah there is differentiated parts but it is just more convenient to just act like one being, like we dont like to make it clear to other ppl who is talking or acting. i love systems who are very clear about that stuff!! i just dont see a lot of fictional systems who just prefer to act as like one person still, like me! and are really only open abt different parts and their names to a few people.

i think harry does open up to kim about whos who eventually and while plurality is Not well understood in elysium, kim tries his best to keep up. he takes notes :D he learns to recognize when some parts r speaking !! some of them are easier for him to recognize than others.. the system can relax around kim which probably makes it a bit easier to tell them apart bc they arent actively hiding anything .. auagah i need to keep writing my system harry fic..

ANYWAYS yea sorry that was all over the place im sick and procrastinating my coursework LOL thank u anon for giving me an excuse to start info dumping abt system harry

#IDK HOW MUCH SENSE THIS MAKES i have a cold still #if only i could write this many works abt my work that is due today #disco elysium #i think this is the first actual post ive rlly made publicly talking abt my plurality sfsdkf

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mihai-florescu · 5 months

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enstars analyses uhmmm i think we should spend more time talking about what dreams mean to characters ^^ it is In The Name. but i mostly think about how ritsu's issues with emotional dependency and wilfulness, all this stuff where he plays up his emotionality (??) are both result of and like an.. acting out of ... trauma from being u know. a chronically ill kid. with an absent family? and literally like two people who would visit him? and the isolation he would understandably feel; and the dependence he would have on those only points of connection--and he can't control those--i think it's interesting and i love ritsu. it's like, sometimes he acts like he chose to be how he is but a lot of it is out of his hands. hi i hope the rest of ur day goes well :>

Disclaimer post writing an answer, my mind drifted away while writing and i ended up just kinda Pondering and Rambling. Im sorry if it seems a bit scattered and all over the place, that's my mind rn. Ok, let's see what i actually said now.

Sometimes i think about how the war wouldnt have played out the same had rei never left ritsu to try to find doctors and cures for him (which led to breaking the promise of staying with ritsu that ultimately changed everything in their relationship forever). I wonder if rei would have ever even been in the cemetary and met keito had he just stayed to take care of ritsu. I also wonder if keito and rei would ever bond about having someone dear to them be sick. And had rei stayed, ritsu wouldnt have been upset and willing to give eichi advice on how to take him down. Would there had even been a war if Keito hadnt met Rei, or if the student council hadnt figured out how to send rei away. Would rei even be a protagonist if he hadnt left ritsu, if he had just stayed home in obscurity as well (i dont think so, and the story is built on the existence of these extraordinary characters, by the characters who arent, but are willing to make their way into the narrative nevertheless and achieve their dreams) One action's ripple effects etcetc.

Sorry i realise this was got way off topic from your original ask. I think i will continue to be off topic because i cant stop the train of thought ive embarked upon at this tardy post midnight time. I think eichi and ritsu are an underrated duo... they helped each other take steps towards their dreams afterall. During checkmate eichi giving a harsh wakeup call to ritsu in regard to being in his brother's shadow unless he does something himself to prove he's alive (top 10 eichi mean moments where he's also projecting onto the other person his own issues... not that he was wrong, but still). And in black tea, ritsu advising eichi on the war preparations during tea club (a serene setting in what was otherwise a hellish place, a piece of an everyday normal students life, which eichi craved so much his whole life. And ritsu also needed the club, interacting with new people, let alone another chronically ill kid).

Im thinking about your last sentence and how ritsu clung to the vampire persona the family adopted, the way to cope with the hereditary disability. As opposed to rei who changed his persona and struggled with the way he was perceived as a monster, when he was a human just as much as everyone else and tried to ignore his disability even? I dont think ignore is the best word. Downplay. It was always the acknowledgement that ritsu had it worse, despite the fact that rei also had it, he was looking for a cure for ritsu instead. First instance and development of his habit of helping people when they dont necessarily even ask for it. But yes anyway millions of tangents aside, ritsu clinging on to the vampire persona tighter and more consistently in his character, as a coping mechanism with a condition he didnt ask for, that is outside his hands. The one thing that was in his power was choosing to play into the vampire persona.

I havent even touched on mao... to be fair i dont think im the most qualified person to speak on him, or his relationship with ritsu. I am still figuring out my thoughts on them. Im glad they grew to find their own dreams in yumenosaki (heh), in the same realm, but not tied to each other where it gets suffocating.

I wouldnt call anything i said analysis as i wouldve probably ordered things better and had, well, an actual point, but i hope my stream of conciousness was as fun for you to read as it was for me to just think and type

#ask #skalidris

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bluiex · 1 year

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Yeah one thing I don't like about double life content is how often people write Grian cheating on Scar and just like, brush it off or act as though it has no consequences? Like, I've been cheated on and it's awful, it destroys your self esteem.

I prefer to write double life as if, they're not actually together. They were fwb in third life, and they're both in love with each other, but they arent dating, they arent partners. Grian hasn't been coping with third life. So, whenever they get put in that situation again, he tries to detach. he doesn't want to go through that again. But then, he and Scar are soulmates. And it destroys him. Scar deserves so much better, Grian will only lead him to ruin. So Grian tries to run, tries to destroy that connection in any way possible.

Grian doesn't know Scar loves him back. Grian seeks refuge in BigB. He tries to distract himself with kiss and light touches, that make him feel good but he doesn't have the emotional connection there. He doesn't know Scar can feel what he's doing, it's just pain they were told that they share after all.

He doesn't know that Scar knows Grian loves him back. He doesn't know Scar can feel his emotions, until one day he's with BigB and complete anguish rips through his chest. Grian thinks that Scar's being hurt, runs to find him without even explaining a thing to BigB. But no, Scar is in their base, holding onto a jellie panda with tears running down his cheeks.

"Scar? What happened?" He's confused. Scar just gives him a bitter smile.

"I can feel more than you think," Scar practically spits out at him. Grian's jaw nearly drops. Oh.

"Oh- I'm sorry- I- I can message you before, I, to see if it's an okay time?" Grian splutters out. He feels awful, while BigB and he had never gone that far, Scar had never consented to feeling any of what he had. But Scar just stares at him impassively.

"That's really what you think this is about?"

"Oh- Do you like BigB? I swear, if I had known I'd have backed off, I'd never-"

"Grian. Do I really mean that little to you?" Scar seems more sad than angry now. Grian's face falls.

"What do you mean?" He doesn't understand. What else could it be?

"Does none of our time together mean anything to you? The desert? The-"

"You. You didn't-"

"I didn't what?" Scar's words seem almost venemous, for a moment, before he softens slightly.

"I thought you didn't want me anymore. You never tried to continue anything back on Hermitcraft after that- you- you treated me as if it had never happened. I thought you didn't want to remember. I thought you hated me for what I did,"

-🎀anon, i love scarian and especially life series scarian but hate cheating lol

OOOO I LOVE THIS TAKE SO MUCH- its just a mess of confusion and miss communication.. its def better than cheating

i just using cheating as a way to cope with my trauma KEK WHICH is why I have cheating tagged cuz no everyone likes it <3

#bluie gets an ask poggers #long post

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mausolealdrift · 11 months

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Do you have a deathgasm notp??? Sincerely, a canon zakk/Medina was a fucking cosmic fuck up incident truther

oh you’re absolutely right i have So many thoughts about this. sorry this took me forever to answer i needed to collect all of my thoughts together and all of that i am Normal about Characters

so like . for obvious reasons the thought of ppl genuinely shipping zakk and medina as in like……… thinking theyd actually be good together or smthn is a fucking insane idea and im So very glad ive only seen maybe one person say some shit like that. (which like. honestly im starting to think i might have imagined the post in my head just to make myself mad bc i havent been able to find it since ??? but i SWEAR i saw someone shipping them once .) the two of em actually being in a relationship would just be. Awful and unhealthy for both of them

(and yeah zakk and brodie arent exactly healthy for each other either . but in the sense that they both make each other Worse yet neither of them can stay away from the other even if they want to etc etc. which is actually sexy and not just . y’know)

but anyway . yeah Definitely a cosmic fuck up. medina deserves better than that :( like she’s been objectified and treated like shit by pretty much every guy who looks her way and then zakk lies to her abt the one guy who actually respects her to manipulate her into hooking up w him. give her a BREAK

but as much as it was The dick move of the century i think zakk had his reasons for it aside from just boredom. Obviously this is all very much my personal and extremely biased interpretation etc. but i think it was out of frustration more than anything else because he just can’t fucking cope with having feelings for brodie. regardless of whether you see those feelings as romantic or not he Cares too much about him. and he doesn’t know how to handle that so he takes his anger and frustration out on medina in such a spiteful and destructive way because it’s all he knows how to do. and whether he knows why or not, the idea of brodie getting closer with medina bothers him so so deeply – enough for him to try and sabotage their relationship at every chance he gets (and then later trying to keep them apart to stop brodie finding out what he did because he doesn’t want to lose him) under the guise of just being bored or only caring about himself.

and i really don’t think there’s much of a possibility that he did it because he was into her, or jealous of brodie, or anything like that. zakk never showed interest in her at all until then (i.e. when she made a move to try and get closer with brodie) and just….. seemed generally pretty indifferent to her otherwise. if he really wanted to then he could’ve made a move before, but he didn’t.

he purposefully did something that he knew would hurt them both if they (inevitably) found out, maybe not because he genuinely wanted to hurt them but because he’s reckless and destructive in nature, (and maybe a little bit stupid sometimes), and just doesn’t know how else to handle or comprehend his feelings other than to take it out on other people.

i think a lot of the dickhead-ish shit zakk does in the movie seems kind of random and thoughtless and it’s difficult to unpick what his motivations are for the things he does aside from just ‘because’, but a lot of it starts to make a lot more sense when you see it as a result of him caring about brodie far more than he wants to, and not knowing how to handle it. he seems so cruel and uncaring, and he definitely wants to be seen that way, but i think he cares deeper than anyone else in his own (kind of incomprehensible) way. and yeah, it’s still shitty and selfish and fucked up, and he still took advantage of medina and used her regardless of why, but i dunno. i think the reasons for it were a lot more complex than he let on.

(again, maybe i’m reading too much into it all and he is just a fucking cunt who just did shitty things for no reason, but the fact that he still came back for brodie after everything, despite how mad he was, even though it led to him dying in the end, is more than enough to show that he really does care too much for his own good.)

so yeah uh. i don’t fucking know how this went from ‘yeah i think zakk/medina sucks’ to a full-on analysis of zakk. But i dont care actually i love being fucking insufferable about this stupid movie <3

sorry for the massive fucking wordvomit im tortured by the curse of Thinking about characters

#deathgasm #jesus christ i did not mean to write this much #i didnt proofread this sorry if it’s repetitive or just. straight up doesn’t make sense LMAO

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nicomrade · 6 months

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Talk to me about Kaiji part 4... OR abt something youre currently reading/enjoyed recently idk how up to date I am w that 🐴💕

i almost bonked u for a fave emoji but now i see that horsie :) hehe hi horsie

kaiji part 4 is so one of my favorite death games PERIOD like outside of its kaiji context the arc does something i havent seen anything else do.. kaiji, the protag, isnt playing the game hes forced to only spectate it and comment on it. and so is the calculating antagonist! and that take on the 3rd party commentators is one of the only good examples of it ive seen (usogui is another good example) in opposition to how liar game does it (and everything else that copied it)

CAUSE ok my rules are

1. ur narration should, as much as possible, be from someone IN the gamble. what do i care what someone not in the game THINKS, MAYBE, is the gamblers' motivations? let the gamblers speak for themselves- about each other and about themselves. let THEM lie.

2. if u do have outside commentators, that commentary needs to ADD something and it CANNOT be stuff thats just thrown away later. example: in liar game the commentators will tell u "this gambler did this for that reason" and that turns out to be WRONG. so on a reread u remember thats literally not true and can easily skip the pages and not lose any information. thats very bad.

im OK w narration (from outside and inside the game) misleading you- its the bread & butter of gambling fiction. but that has to ADD something. it cannot just be clutter and lies. theres a great example of the ref lying to the audience in usogui but i cant get into it w no spoilers so trust me i do love it when the narration lies to my face sometime. cuz it adds meaning to a text!!!

AND THATS what part 4 is about. the gambler protag is forbidden from playing (at times literally tied up!!!) and its allllllllll about the biases of narration and commentary. its about kazuya literally FICTIONALIZING this. hes writing a book from this!!!! and kazuya seeing everything through his "friendship is fake" lense, kaiji seein the same thing as PROOF trust & friendship r real... the players backstories being inserted at the most impactful moment, the ways kazuya lies to the players without technically~~ lying and so on. the question at the heart of the game: is friendship more valuable than money? is not even answered properly because of kazuyas manipulation AND of kaijis interference. the commentators are pulled back into the game- they are playing, too. may they want it or not theyre part of this "experiment", of this fiction. you, sir, are a space too- we live in a society.?

and as u pointed out theres an omnipresence of water imagery in the arc and this is kazuya projecting his own subconscious into it. this is kind of like what jigsaw does in saw 1 hes recreating his trauma and putting people in that situation to see how THEY cope so he can know what hes supposed to do too. (cause emotionally he lived his diagnosis like a saw trap. so hes putting other people in this death sentence to, yes, cope.)

kazuya lived his drowning like a choice everyone on the boat made to save someone else instead of him, so hes putting other people in a situation to choose between someones life and something else to see what THEY do. and, of course, they have to reenact that betrayal he felt or his trauma isnt just "how the world is, trust and friendship are fake" but actually something that was wrong with him. the game does not exist without him reliving his childhood through it. theres no story without the spectator, the camera, the voyeur.

& kaiji is reliving his own gambles! "theres no way theyll betray each other" because if trust & friendship arent real then all of HIS betrayals were just him being a fucking idiot. what grace and virtue is there in forgiving the one who stabbed you in the back if it turns out thats just human nature to be selfish. if its not the death game making people act unlike their true selves then kaijis just some mark who got scammed over and over again lol...

like all good death games, the game stands for something. in part 1 its capitalism (and most of the time in kaiji its this, work, money, addiction, class) and in part 4 too you see this rich japanese man exploit poor immigrants for entertainment and thats what the game is, but its also (childhood) trauma. "they wont kill each other because me and the 45ers, me and the guys on the steel beams, we didnt." and "emotionally, this was like being strapped to a chair and seeing my trusted one walk to the button, and kneel, and apologize, and cry, and not release me. and watch me die."

#ask #fullmoondagger #kaiji meta #idk how coherent this all is my head hurts #ty for the ask mwah

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bitternanami · 9 months

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i didnt really understand why the yellowjackets s2 finale was called 'storytelling' when the scene where a story gets told is so short, and gets interrupted right as it starts anyway. not just that, but the name seemingly has nothing to do with the adult timeline at all.

but i think its supposed to be an reminder that a Story Getting Told can encompass a lot more than the plot of a movie or a fairy tale, and that a close-watch will emphasize that larger notion, saying things that arent true in a way that makes it feel as though they are. that they might as well be. self-deception, in other words. storytelling.

(spoilers for both seasons under cut)

what im finding is that van is getting to be really thematically important. even from the start, she never ever ever stops contextualizing her experiences thru stories, not from the point they crashed up to now, because media makes Sense, a narrative makes Sense, and what the team is going through now doesnt but she can force it to anyway if she just frames it right.

she asks taissa and herself why shes survived all of these things, because she doesnt know what the next narrative beat is for herself. van cant figure out an outline and its incredibly upsetting for her because her still being here Has to foreshadow something. there MUST be a meaning to it. finding that meaning is the only way she knows how to cope with this.

but by this point van has already found meaning, because to the group, she now embodies an idea. she has from the start: shes the storyteller. shes where everyone turns for escapism. shes the one to tell people what they need to hear to make things fit into a narrative, a cause-and-effect, springboarded from the things lottie is perceiving.

we see this in her scene with travis most obviously, and its chilling, and its exciting, because she understands what shes supposed to do, now. finally, she has a narrative for herself, and shes going to lean into it as hard as she can.

iirc van is the first person to use the phrase 'the wilderness chose' in response to death (they all chose, it was easier like this. all of them are capable of killing a child, and they could try to grapple with that and reconcile that with their senses of self, but the toll would be immense. what van is saying makes much more sense.) thats the story they all keep telling each other, telling themselves, over and over and over. the forest itself wanted this, we didnt make this decision, it wasnt us, it wasnt us, its not our fault.

and then, years later, the story goes: we can separate ourselves from the people we were back then. we can live our lives like none of this happened at all. (is it any wonder that taissa, queen of willfully ignoring her problems, still feels so comfortable with van, even with decades of separation between them)

so the throughline, then, is that theyre all still telling that story, and it feels realer than anything else theyre experiencing. realer than simone or sammy or jeff or adam or jessica felt, certainly. they let themselves believe it up until the point where they cant anymore. the truth catches up with them at the same time that the violence does--it falls on one of their own, a teammate, at the hands of another one, right in front of their eyes. its hard to make the story fit right, after that. when season 3 happens, itll be interesting to see whether they continue to try anyway

#yj #Thinking Thoughts. sorry this is so long i kept having things to say about van #yellowjackets spoilers -

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ratgingi · 1 year

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since ur posting about them a lot can we get some fuckin uhhhhhhhh old men from the library facts

i meant to answer this earlier but passed the fuck out . thank u for waiting so patiently old men facts under cut

roe and murr are obviously intented to sort of mirror each other in a number of ways, one of these ways is the fact that roe tends to act a lot older than he is whereas murr tends to act a lot younger. roe behaves like hes some crank ass retired war veteran in his 80s while murr acts more like someone in their 20s would

another way they mirror each other is the fact that murr tends to wear his heart on his sleeve while roe is very caged up about his emotions. they both believe life is short, but while roe focuses on despairing over what he considers 'wasting' it, murr tries to spend most of it doing things he believes to be worth while, which unfortunately for him happens to be throwing his heart around pretty recklessly, something roe used to do before he concluded that it was stupid to do so

roe loves classical music and often has to play piano music to help him sleep at night or he'll struggle with falling asleep. the only time he doesnt need it is when hes dead tired and passes out 2 seconds after laying down

murr sleeps with a lot of pillows, which obviously includes bodypillows. he likes ones with soft/fluffy textures because who doesnt but as long as he can pretend hes holding another person he'll take anything

the only thing roe openly displays a soft fondness for is his trinket collection. every item in his collection means a great deal to him and he has two days of the week dedicated entirely to cleaning the collection/making sure nothing in it is damaged (and if they already were, he insures the damage hasnt gotten any worse). however, he rarely actually fixes damaged objects within the collection if they came to him that way, because unless the damage was severe enough that it might fall apart completely or was obviously done to ruin the thing, he believes in that thing that to be changed is to be loved

murr is technically a smoker, he will not actively seek out cigs or smoke them on a regular basis but if people are smoking around him and offer him one he'll take it on the spot. he and charlie smoke together often though

one of the ways youd probably help murr cope with his whole . Issue. is by helping him get like a pet of some kind. something he can give love to and bond with without the fear/risk of hurting himself or others by it. he probably ends up getting a cat or something

surprisingly, roe likes children and murr doesnt. roe believes theyre some of the only people on this planet who physically cant waste their time, as kids tend to just be figuring out the world around them and living life as much as possible, and if they arent then its usually the fault of some adult in their life, and while he is easy to annoy he has a lot more patience for kids. murr thinks hes too much of a bad influence on children and knows he probably shouldnt be around them because of it, and also he just generally doesnt know how to handle them really

murr has a little bit of a gambling problem because of course he does. its something his brother would poke at him about during the scene where you meet him

roes favorite kinds of birds are song birds, specifically sparrows and starlings. hed probably be a fan of bird watching if he wasnt worried there would be more productive things he could be doing

#jack dlc #interactions #THAMK U FOR ADKING ABT THEM im exploding them with my mind #dlc wiki

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fangirlfreak08 · 1 year

Text

Episode 8 thoughts

Omg I’m almost done

Honestly loving all these intros, although my favourites still the crow one

Ohhh wait no nikolais gonna get attacked in the chapel isn’t he

KAZ GAVE NIKOLAI HIS CANE THEY ARE IN FACT BEST FRIENDS

WYLANS HOLDING JESPERS HAT

my man! I mean we haven’t actually put a label on that have we? GOD I LOVE THEM JESPERS SUCH A DISASTER BI I CANT

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID I LOVE YOU

Ding dong mals dead

SLAY ALINA

Darkling shut up. No one cares and I mean that literally

SLAY SHE DID IT GUYS

NIKOLAI NOOO

INEJ GHAFA DOING A SPIN MIDAIR WAS SOMETHING I DID NOT KNOW I NEEDED

Lol look at him talking about how he’s gonna live while he’s dying

Slay Alina you will in fact save yourself

Inej save her life rn

OMG SHE THREW THE SWORD SLAY INEJ I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Are they seriously tryna push the darklina agenda rn?

OMG NO SLAY SHE JUST FUCKING STABBED HIM

AS SHE SHOULD

Why’s his blood black?

NIKOLAI MY BELOVED ITS GONNA BE OKAY NOT FOR A LONG TIME BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL BE

Kick him zoya he deserves it

IS BURNING THE DARKLINGS BODY THE BONFIRE THE CAST WAS TALKING ABOUT?? DO THEY LITERALLY HAVE A BONFIRE AROUND HIS BODY?

Also there’s still 49 minutes left I’m not entirely sure I want to watch them

Who’s body?

KAZ KNOWS POETRY?!

God Nikolais best mates dead and he’s so heartbroken

Kaz go to Inej challenge

Does Alina not lose her powers?

Not Kaz watching Inej

Nikolai and zoya in the same sentence….that it. Is that all we’re getting?!

THEYRE JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER

JESPER I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF

YES KAZ GET THAT MONEY

Tamar and Nadia holding hands!

JESPER BROKE THE FOURTH WALL

OH SHIT WHAT?? DOES MAL NOT LOVE ALINA ANYMORE?!

Nina and Kaz being besties

Nina talking about clawing her way to a happily ever after and KAZ LOOKING AT INEJ

NO MATTHIAS DO NOT TEAM UP WITH PEKKA

NO NO DAVID BETTER NOT BE DEAD ALREADY

NOT A RUBY AND THE DESIGN FOR A RING NO FUCKING WRITERS NEED TO CHILL THE HELL OUT WHAT THE FUCK

IT WAS BAD ENOUGH IT WAS THEIR WEDDING DAY BUT THEY DIDNT EVEN GET ENGAGED

WHY IS THE DARKLING GETTING MORE OF A FUNERAL THEN DAVID

Zoya and Nikolai finally in the same place and they’re not even gonna flirt

Ngl them having this conversation over the darkling burning corpse is a power play

AHHH THE BEE OMG THATS SO SMART THATS ACTUALLY SO SMART CAUSE ONLY SHOW WATCHERS ARENT GONNA NOTICE ANYTHING

OMG WHAT MALS GONNA BE A PRIVATEER?! WHAT

Yeah but if your paths are that you both decide not to see each other again that’s not really proving anything is it?

MAL DIDN’T GET THE TATOO THANK GOD

Bestie Alina don’t cry he’s really not worth it

INEJ PRAYING IN THE CHAPEL

Is that Kaz brekker? Yes it is!

AYYY MATTHIAS GOT HIS PARDON

AHHH HES SAYING GOODBYE BUT KAZ BREKKER DOESNT SAY GOODBYE

HES BEEN SENDING SPIES TO AUCTIONS TO TRY AND FIND THE GUY WHO KIDNAPPED HER

HE WAS LOOKING FOR HER FAMILY BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT HER TO LOSE HER BROTHER

INEJ PRAYS FOR JORDIE

WHAT DO YOU WANT THEN?!?!! AHHHHH HE WAS GOING TO SAY YOU INEJ YOU AND THEN HE CHANGED HIS MIND AND SAID ABOUT THE GOLD

HIS MOUTH STARTED MOVING TO SAY YOU AND THEN HE STOPPED HIMSELF

HE ASKED HER TO STAY

FUCK OFF IM NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

STAY IN KETTERDAM STAY WITH ME

I WANT YOU TO I WANT YOU

THEYRE TECHNICALLY HOLDING HANDS

AND HOW WILL YOU HAVE ME

I WILL HAVÉ YOU WITHOUT YOUR ARMOR KAZ BREKKER OR I WILL NOT HAVE YOU AT ALL

I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS LIKE AT ALL

Off topic but Inej looks so gorgeous

ITS THE WAY THE TWO MAIN KANEJ SCENES IN THIS SHOW BOTH TAKE PLACE IN PLACES OF WORSHIP?!

THE HOPE IN HIS EYES WHEN SHE SAID I WILL HAVE YOU

AHHHH NADIAS GOING WITH TAMAR

AHHH MALS STURMHOND NOW?!

OMG INEJ IS GOING WITH

FUCK OFF NO WHAT

I WAS CONCERNED A FEW EPISODES BACK THAT TOLYA WAS CRUSHING ON INEJ AND NOW IM SCARED AGAIN

ISNT HE ARO IM PRETTY SURE HES ARO

It’s giving pirates of the Caribbean theme song

YES INEJ IS HUNTING SLAVERS

BUT MAL IN NIKOLAIS COAT IS DODGY

NO MATTHIAS HAS TO FIGHT WOLVES

PEKKA ROLLINS GO KILL YOURSELF RIGHT NOW

MINOR SLAY FROM MATTHIAS?!

OOOOO NINAS PIIIISSED

Oh shit Nina the letter!!

HES BUYING OUT INDENTURES FOR INEJ

AND THAT GIRL KESH FROM THE FIRST EPISODE

Aaaaaa slay Nikolai

Nooooo Nikolai

HE LOOKS LIKE THAT FANART THE OUTFIT DOES WITH THE BREECHES

AHHHH HES TURNED INTO A DEMON

SLAY ALINA HONESTLY THAT CROWN IS A GOOD LOOK

NOT UNLESS YOUR THINKING OF ME INSTEAD OF TRYING TO FORGET HIM

AHHH NIKOLAI AND ZOYA IN THE SAME ROOM AGAIN

Zoya and genya are also looking gorgeous

YES ZOYA YOU COULD INDEED FIX HIM

Omg so is the triumvirate gonna be zoya genya and Alina rather than David?!

But I look amazing in blue YES YOU DO

OMG ZOYA CALLED THEM A TRIUMVIRATE (which is also not how I thought it was pronounced like at all)

AN OPPORTUNITY HAS PRESENTED ITSELF METHINKS ITS THE ICE COURT

WHICH MEANS THEY HAVE TO GET INEJ BACK NO?!

Ayyyy nikolais officially king

Are divorces a thing? If Nikolai and Alina get married then they just get divorced and Nikolai can end up with zoya right??

JURDA PAREM

SHES GONNA TRY KILL NIKOLAI

Oh god turn nikolais coronation into a bloodbath why don’t you

Slay Alina

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers

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istherewifiinhell · 2 years

Text

reading process: chapter 177 (I have been putting off this post cause i can tell im in the good shit and its all so thematic and delightful but if i dont make it now i never will and it will be a super segment next time)

Reading highlights (i cant read my own writing edition!)

157 now in a dad spotting mood. kdj encouraging sys about her grades

yoo mia(!!!) teasing yjh about kdj. yjh facial expression truther (looking happy when speaking about kdj)

the 3 fates use big data?

kdj WILL be killed by the person he loves most!!! (mostly wrote that down to indicate my gleeful cackling)

158 LGY baby boy baby. kids and breaks!

Kdj and Jhw are such bitches to each other i love them

reinheit.... von lohengramm yeah okay got it buddy

oh ur 800 years old it would be some bullshit like that

rvd is sooo handsome. at least 2 yjh

a permanent institution cannot exist. yes kdj i love u kdj

161 kdj doesnt date. fateful meetings ONLY. okayyyyy

jhw emotional sword moments. kdj famed peptalks

LGY: dad ABANDONED US LJH: uh. okay -> sibling mischief ensues

162 ACAB

Hankim girls trip weekend

(this note is atemporally placed) KIM DOKJA LOVE

164 the absolute good constellations are cowards

kdj peptalks Always come in clutch

165 oh to be carried by ysh as she descends like a beautiful woman

167 The kids!!! stay strong!

breaking the sky sword this was the road of the sword that broke the sky -> kuzcos poison

168 crying at this wounded monster and also themes and metaphors

yjh and kdj are the same with there cryptic plans (this was nearly illegible)

168 kdj moral rethinking disease (yjh has it)

AH! AH! Double identity stuff. name sharing. doing something nice for the guy that has scrambled your brains.

169 jhw describing ysh beauty -> smth you would like to share ma'am?

lgy the good child he is being like. hey. non het romance love exists. hell yeah little dude. poggers as they say

-> (crying because he cant think of a reason kdj should love him) NOOO his emotions are too big for his little body

yjh: i do not want to find out the answer to this question GOODBYE

ah. the speed run dress. i see

170 if you read it again. it will definitely be a different story. god. okay. okay. jesus. okay

hsy power: you cannot create the semblance of a human without it in some way. being human

ah. his mom again. it just could be that way

"its the most complicated relationship in the world" cheers bitch

172 just rolling in kdj and his mom fight

i could have sworn you used up that sky disk 100 chs ago but whatever

173 Gasp. garlic eating

"i let u die to save ur dick bro!!!"

20 years. jesus

OH FUCK MEET THE PARENT TIME. oh my god

yjh: kdj will be my compainion mom: arent you like a horrible person? Yjh: why is your family like this

double whose gonna kill our guy twist

175 yjh: i guess you mother doesnt like me. -> is that a JOKE. are you cracking a (gay tinged) joke to cope buddy?

176 "It was a distance that could be crossed, but I could never reach her. It was the same in prison and even now. this had become our distance"

guh. hes gonna listen. even if it hurts. even if it changes him

IM GOING TO ATTACK AND DETHRONE GOD

dohyuk moments against a backdrop of cthulu ass boss fight

kdj can look cool as hell when he wants to i guess damn

Cheok Jungyeong: Solidarity Forever 🎶

"i wont let you die" AHHHHHHHHH

rotating: oh god i specifically was trying to group this segment for parental vibes and themes and now my brain is mush. i need a second notebook maybe... (rereading a bit) okay something like. obviously. goes without saying. kdj is the most unreliable narrator in the world. and clearly there is more to the story, she was literally about to say it before... god stuff. but ill just note out the things i was grabbing so far. the question of how to raise a child in the apocalypse. clear with lgy and sys (like extra extremely so). and lesser with ljh. often kinda. throwing them into the fire. (or a hole. with no explanation. thanks yjh). but also supporting them (literally the incarnation stuff. cant remember where line about 'one persons gaze can mean live or death' but yes. yeah). contrast. kdj mom with the childhood environment and the tone. i think its like. kdj is almost mad about the wrong thing. but its the hurt he has. not the one he may about to have. even if hes wrong about what his mother did (i literally dont know!!) well. it has to be said.

oh also the mother constellation! theres a fun parallel there. i mean. this is of course the novel of fun parallels but still. its um. weird ctuhul twitch stream version of making a deal with the devil (in the pale moonlight -> star trek ep that also has a guy get a guy to kill someone for the good of a state. huh)

also there was dokkaebi preschool. that just seems worth mentioning. and even dokkaebi egg sys

#some shit #orv blogging #line of navel gazing to on theme of reading and transcribing my own notes on fool with interjections as if i didnt write them #even the author becomes a reader ehhhh???#i never had a thesis but these parenthood thoughts made more sense this morning i swear. i had like. a trajectory #this is true delirious blogging im up way past bedtime #oh yeah and. reinheit. reinhartd. watch legends of galatic heroes. my command (long and involved military scifi anime)#(OLD! VERSION! not that new shit)#orv notebook

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