#the virus that shall not be named | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

norrizzandpia · 5 months

Note

I JUST READ You Were Never What I Wanted AND NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE

IT WAS SO GOOD

IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PART (if u decide to post it)

YOURE WRITING IS AMAZING <333

Yall ask and yall shall receive! Part 1 link if you need it <3

But I Need You Now (You Were Never What I Wanted, Part 2) (LN4)

Summary: In the aftermath of Lando and Y/n, Lando makes it his personal mission to show Y/n that it wasn’t fake. Their PR stunt might’ve started out as a lie, but it was love for him and he knows it was for her too.

Warnings: language, angsty, FLUFF AT THE END BITCHES AS AN APOLOGY FOR THE HELL I PUT YOU THROUGH WITH THESE TWO-PARTERS, sexual conversations

Note: see what I did with the title… 😏 You were never what I wanted, but I need you now 🤭 also i made this less angsty as an apology again 👹

Y/n goes home for a few days.

The news spreads throughout the paddock like a virus, being whispered in every person’s ear. When it gets back to Lando, he stands in the midst of the chaos in McLaren’s garage.

Jon leaves his hand on Lando’s shoulder in a comforting manner, knowing something happened between them, but not knowing the specific details.

“She left?” He says lowly, voice wavering as he tries to gain control of it.

Jon nods, “I’m afraid so.”

“What about the race?” He asks, hands clenching at his sides.

“She’s having the reserve driver take her place. You know that.” Jon gives him a confused look.

Lando shakes his head, “No, I get that, but how could she just give up on it?”

Jon sighs and Lando can tell his trainer doesn’t want to tell him the next bit of information. He does anyway, “I heard she was pretty distraught after that gala a week ago. Apparently, she was sobbing and the valet had to help her call a cab. She was a mess, I gather, no one knows why.”

I do, he thinks. I know why, Lando thinks.

Lando abandons the conversation, not wanting to hear anymore about the girl he loves.

She plagues his dreams, his nightmares, his delusions, his thoughts, he doesn’t need her to infiltrate his life anymore.

🏎️

“What’s the problem?” He asks an hour later when Jon treats him like he’s about to have a mental breakdown at any moment.

His trainer eyes him suspiciously, gently, “Nothing,”

Lando groans, arms flying out beside him before smacking down back at his sides, “Jon, cut the bullshit. You’ve been treating me like I’m a fucking baby all day. Why?”

Jon sighs, turning to look at him before grabbing his arm and pulling them out of the garage. Jon forces them into a random hallway always away from the commotion and publicity, looking at Lando softly, “What happened between you and Y/n?”

Suddenly, Lando’s defensive. The mention of her name makes his skin crawl and his heart clench, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You two were dating.”

Lando rolls his eyes, “We were not dating. We were a PR stunt. You know that, Jon.”

Jon stares him down, “You two were dating.”

The meaning of his words hits Lando, what Jon truly is trying to address. He’s drowning in the mistakes of his own actions and the love he developed for her, no way to explain his way out of the situation with Jon looking at him knowingly.

He folds his arms over his chest, “Maybe in the end.”

Jon’s face scrunches up in confusion, “In the end? Of course, you were. Did you sleep together?”

“Fuck, no!” Lando yelps, astonishment at Jon’s bluntness, a trait the man has never had when it came to his romantic relationships.

Jon shakes his head, confusion deepening, “Then how the fuck did you two end up where you are? How did you end up in this mess? Which you still have not told me about.”

He sighs, head falling to stare at his shoes, “I fell in love with her. She fell in love with me. Well, at least I think.”

Jon, the man so incredibly lost, looks blankly at Lando, “You fell in love. With Y/n. Y/l/n. The woman you used to absolutely detest. The woman who used to hate your guts. You two fell in love with each other?”

Lando nods, “I know how it sounds, but it happened.”

Jon’s head tilts to the side, “Okay, and what happened the night of the gala?”

Jon sees the shift of Lando’s demeanor, his entire body running cold with images of her walking out on him. The boy’s body running cold, he tries to get through the night that ruined it all, “Everything was fine in the beginning. We were just talking to a bunch of donors. You know, we got so many that night. Anyways, we were at the bar and being stupid as always, getting drunk, when Lu showed up.”

“Lu as is your ex?” Jon clarifies.

Lando nods, “Yeah, so she came up to us and we just got to talking. She mentioned the fact that we still talk.”

Jon’s mouth falls open, “You and Lu still talk?!”

“Not anymore, not after the gala. She basically cut off contact with me because she ‘hated the way it made her feel when she saw the look on Y/n’s face’. But, at that time, we had been. I should’ve told Y/n when we started getting serious, but I didn’t and that came back to bite me in the ass because she was so betrayed, Jon.”

“So, she walked out of the gala because she was angry about you and Lu?”

“Yeah, she basically told me I didn’t care about her in the way she thought I had, which wasn’t true. I told her I loved her and then shit just went completely downhill after that.”

Jon’s hand squeezes Lando’s arm, “You told her you loved her?”

There’s a flash of sadness in Lando’s eyes and Jon knows it’s because of the painful rejection. He’s learning that Y/n might’ve started out as one of the people Lando cared about the least, but she had quickly become the center of his entire world.

“Of course, I did. But, she didn’t believe me. I don’t blame her too! The start of our relationship was built specifically on hatred. We never wanted anything to do with each other and then, all of a sudden, we were kissing and it was feeling like something more.”

A silence passes before Lando whispers, “Sometimes I wish I never would’ve met her.”

Jon chuckles, “You’ve said that before.”

Lando scoffs, “Yeah, but that was because I hated her. This is because I can’t deal with the fact that she left me.”

“Have you tried to talk to her?” Jon inquires, eyes roaming Lando’s face in search of an answer.

“No,” Lando responds, grief and remorse soaking his tone.

“Well, maybe that’s where you need to start.” Jon smiles.

“In order to do what?” Lando’s lost on the insinuation.

“In order to get her back.”

It’s heartbreaking the way Lando stares up at Jon as if he’d just single-handedly restored all senses of hope and happiness into his body, “You think I can do that?”

“I think that you and her loved each other too much to let it go to waste this way.”

Maybe you’re right, he thinks. Maybe I need to find out for myself, he thinks.

—

Y/n, the girl he hated so much for the love she made him feel, was locked up in her room of her childhood home, information Lando gained from her mother who he had called quietly. It was the first time they had spoken, but it wasn’t the first time she had heard of him. Her daughter had shown up in the middle of the night, sobbing to her over a boy and berating herself for allowing a man to hurt her in the way he had.

However, with the undying kindness Y/n shared, she had patiently heard Lando out as he explained to her the feelings he harbored for her daughter. Strong words of love had persuaded her into giving Lando their address and giving him permission to come. After all, she saw the way her daughter’s Lock Screen lit up with a loving picture of them every time Y/n got a notification. She clocked the picture as the room where Y/n had been hospitalized after her crash, Lando laying on the bed beside her with his arm wrapped safely around her shoulders, a kiss to her cheek as she smiled at the camera.

Bags packed and in hand, Lando stands in front of her house, hood pulled over his head with sunglasses shoved over his eyes. He takes two steps at a time, bypassing multiple steps in the process as he reaches the front door in no time.

Knocking on the wood, Lando waits patiently before the lock is turning and her mother is appearing before him. Dressed in jeans and a sweater, she smiles softly at him, a smile resembling the one Y/n had adorned him with before he made her feel less than the most important person in his life.

“Hi, Ms. Y/l/n. Thank you for this.” He says quietly, not wanting Y/n to hear him and get scared.

She nods at him, opening the door and letting him step in, “As much as you hurt my daughter, I think this space is effecting her worse.”

He lingers in the doorway, nerves getting to him as he stares at the steps in front of him, steps he assumes would lead him to her.

Her mother notices his eyes, “She’s up there if you want to go.”

He takes a step toward them, but takes on back and looks at her with tension in his face, “Do you think she’ll want to see me?”

Her mother’s head moves side to side, “I think, at first, she’ll be mad, but she’ll warm up. I know she still loves you, that’s still there.”

He nods, “What should I say?”

His words relay quietly and her mother lays a hesitant hand on his arm, “Why are you here? Why are you fighting for her?”

His answer comes easily, “Because I love her. Because, after years of hating each other, I realize that I never truly, fully hated her. I hated that she was better than me and the fact that she was winning races more than I was, but I never hated her. I never gave her a chance to show me who she was and it took someone forcing us to be together for me to see how amazing she is. I’m remorseful for that, of course, but I’m happy it happened. If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized the happiness that was standing in front of me all along.”

Her mother smiles brightly at him, “Tell her that.”

🏎️

The door creaks as Lando pushes it open, head poking in to see her laying with her back to him.

“Mom, can I just have some time alone right now?” Her broken voice whispers, curling further into herself as Lando steps in and closes the door.

He doesn’t say anything, opting to walk over to her bed and sit down. The mattress is larger, putting space between them so he’s not touching her.

“I can hear you breathing. Please leave.” She says again, this time pleading desperately.

Lando exhales before lifting his hand and laying it on her hip, his thumb rubbing soft circles lovingly. He feels her body tense, her head looking down to inspect the fingers wrapped around her skin.

She pulls away quickly, sitting up and whipping her head around to meet his eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing here?! You should be at the race!” She yells at him, shifting farther away from him.

He hates how tired she looks, how puffy her eye bags are from a mixture of exhaustion and tears. His body turns to completely face hers, his leg being pulled onto the bed, “Your mom gave me the address and I got the reserve driver to cover for me.”

Y/n scoffs, “Okay, why would my mother do that?”

“Because she knows I love you.”

Y/n’s eyes glaze over, iciness translating in her every move, “How would she know that?”

“I called her.” He states simply, watching her eyebrows stitch together.

Her head tilts, “How did you get her number?”

“From Nick.”

Y/n body rears back, “My trainer?! You coerced my trainer into giving you my mother’s phone number?! Are you fucking crazy?!”

“For you, yes.” He smiles softly. His comment earns an eye roll.

“Y/n, just listen to me.” He begins, but Y/n raises her hands in objection.

“No, Lando. Leave me alone. I appreciate the effort, but leave.” Her hands push his arms, doing nothing to move him.

He gently takes her hands in his and shifts closer to her, “No. I’m not leaving until you hear what I have to say.”

Knowing how stubborn he is, Y/n sits back and gestures for him to continue.

“When I first met you, I hated the success you had.” He starts.

Y/n laughs, “What a great start!”

“Let me finish.” He states, “I hated the success you had and I was dumb enough, young enough to think that meant I hated you too. So, I spent years resenting everything that had to do with you. I never gave myself one moment to reflect on the reasoning for my dislike of you. If I had, we wouldn’t be here right now. Part of me hates that, hates that I spent so much time treating you in a way you never deserved, but another part of me, the part that has fallen so hard for you, is happy it didn’t. If I had realized that I was just jealous of the race wins you were claiming, I would’ve been cordial with you, never getting close enough to get to know who you are out of the envy I held against you. If it had gone down that way, I would’ve never gotten to meet you. And I mean the person you really are, underneath all the PR trained, guarded skin. I would’ve never fallen in love with you, never experienced you and the happiness you have provided me with. It took us so long to get here, through hurtful insults and screaming matches, I can’t let you slip through my fingers, your love with it, because of my stupid mistakes. I won’t let that happen.”

Y/n stays quiet after he completes his last sentence, staring at him as she decides what she wants to do next.

Softly, she says, “Why didn’t you tell me about Lu?”

He sighs disappointedly, “I don’t know. Truthfully, I didn’t think it meant that much. In my head, I didn’t love her. I was just ending a relationship on good terms. I didn’t think far enough to get to you. I’m sorry for that. If I could go back and sit you down, explain to you what Lu and I were doing, the fact that it meant nothing compared to what I feel towards you, I would. You deserve that conversation. I don’t know if that means anything to you, but I hope it does. She was never going to mean the same thing to me as she had before after I first kissed you. Truthfully, she never did mean the same thing to me as you do. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.”

Y/n nods slowly, gathering her thoughts, “When did you start loving me? When did it stop being hate? Because that night at the gala, at the end of our conversation, you hated me again.”

Lando shakes his head, “First of all, I didn’t hate you that night. I was just hurt and it translated to something ugly, which I can’t apologize enough for. Second of all, I don’t know when I genuinely started loving you, but I know I realized it when you crashed. When I was running throughout the paddock, I could not get away from the heavy pit in my stomach that only pointed toward one thing, I knew that. I tried to push it away, tried to forget about it, but when I saw you laying there, bandaged and alive, it just hit me. I loved that you were still there, I loved the relief that spread through me, I loved the happiness I felt when I saw you breathing, and, then, I just loved you. It built exactly like that. I was just listing the things, in my head, I adored about the moment in order to get away from the severity of it, and then it was just you. You, you, you, you.”

Y/n’s small smile graces his eyes and he moves closer to her, sitting with his legs folded on the bed and his hands over her thighs. The two of them breathe each other in before Y/n is shuffling closer to him. His arms immediately move from her legs to snake around her torso, folding open his legs and pulling her into him. She lays her shoulder against his chest, her head falling to the side to nuzzle in his neck as her legs spread in front of her, lying over his thigh. She plays with the hem of his hoodie as he kisses her temple, laying his head on top of hers.

“You know, I love you too.” She says into his neck. A warmth spreads through Lando, happiness buzzing all the way down to his toes at her confession.

It’s all he’s ever wanted to hear, “I had an inkling.”

She lightly smacks his stomach, giggling, “Don’t be a smart ass.”

Just as he’s about to rebuttal, his phone begins vibrating harshly in his back pocket. His arm reaches around to pull it out, Jon’s face illuminating the screen.

Y/n laughs, “Can I answer it?”

The idea makes him shine with pride, knowing Jon will be proud to hear Lando’s gotten his girl back. So, he plops the phone in her lap with a smile.

Clicking the green button, Y/n puts it on speaker.

“Lando? Did you get there okay? Have you spoken to her yet?” Jon’s rushed voice says quickly.

Y/n gives Lando a playful look before answering, “He got here okay.”

There’s a silence before Jon is cackling, “AHA! IS HE THERE?! LANDO, I TOLD YOU!”

The couple laughs at his antics, Lando moving closer to the speaker to say, “I’m here and I’m starting to think I should listen to you more.”

There’s shuffling on the other end of the phone before they hear Jon screaming to, what they assume is, the entire McLaren garage, “LANDO AND Y/N, GUYS!”

Again, silence, murmuring even, before the entire room erupts in cheers. Lando can hear it’s just his crew, the group of men knowing how much it stressed Lando out to have her mad at him, the reason she was, they didn’t know.

Y/n and Lando break into tears over their laughter at the men on the other end of the phone. It’s therapeutic to see her laughing in his arms again, a sight Lando didn’t think he would see again.

She’s leaning into him as the men continue to cheer, holding him as her body racks with laughter and all he can do is hold her closer, tighter.

He holds her like she’ll leave him again if he lets go, a thought he knows is so preposterous. Because she’s got her eyes closed, blissed out in his presence and he can see the lines of tension wither away.

She’s safe with him, she shows that through the way she hugs him and softly kisses the side of his neck when he ends the call.

When the noise stops and quietness envelopes them, the couple is left with just each other. He lays them down, her body relaxing into him as she murmurs how much sleep she’s lost over their dispute.

He whispers back, “Go to sleep, then, love. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He watches her eyes flutter close, her head falling further into the crook of his neck when she crosses the line between consciousness and unconsciousness.

Lando’s not tired, however, only laying down with her because he’s not ready to let her go yet. His eyes wander around her childhood room, pictures of a toddler Y/n winning karting races and different championships. Her toothy grin is a charming sight, a look she hasn’t lost in the years of her growth since then.

After inspecting and finding nothing, but more things to love about her, Lando’s eyes avert back to her sleeping form. He brushes the hair out of her face lightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before whispering against it, “At first, you weren’t what I wanted, but I absolutely need you now.”

Tags (i forgot to put these lol): @toasttt11 @megumilovesme @the-untamed-soul @evieepepi08 @igotnorrrizz @im-an-overthinker @cxrlha @ssrcsm @landoslover @minkyungseokie @luvrrish @louvpdf @weasleyreidstyles @ushygushybaby @theycallmeahugger @sainzluvrr @itsjustaninchident @gavisuntiedboot @gracielukey @formula1mount @cjjydes282clo @ssararuffoni @aexitizen

#mclaren #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fic #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris fluff #lando norris imagines #mclaren formula 1 #lando norris fanfiction #lando norris fic #lando norris smut #lando x reader #lando imagine #lando norris #lando norris x you #lando norris edit

3K notes · View notes

totallyhextra · 7 months

Text

People? In MY computer?? It's more likely than you think!

The following is a fanvertisment and is not connected to the show. ****Yet.*** *Also yes, this is the fourth time I'm posting this because TUMBLR WONT LET ME EDIT SPELLING MISTAKES!

ANYWAY,

Once upon a time, back in 1987, Dire Straits put out this music video for “Money for Nothing”, which, as you know, was a song about wanting my MTV.

youtube

The video was made by two guys (Gavin Blair and Ian Pearson) on a very moody computer. After the video went out, these two guys went to a pub:

Ian: “Hey, we should make a whole show like this!”

Gavin: “Dude, making three minutes almost killed us.”

And so it was decided!🎉

The two guys were joined by two other guys (Phil Mitchell and John Grace) and created the Hub, which then became Mainframe Entertainment. They got even more people, and then they all holed up in this hotel.

They were mad lads with a dream: a whole cgi animated show, and they made it happen a whole year before Toy Story!

Behold! ReBoot!

(Yes that fever dream was real)

Now before I get any of this:

Let me lay this down. If you can’t with the animation of the first season because it was CUTTING EDGE IN 1994, you can close your eyes and listen to it. ReBoot wasn’t just a CGI gimmick. The characters are fully developed, the voice actors are peerless, the plot is sharp, and there’s so many easter eggs that you’ll never find them all.

Never

(And yes the episode "Bad Bob" was the actual catalyst for Fury Road. Look it up)

ReBoot is about what life is like in a computer (in the 90s, because it was the 90s) called Mainframe (because of course it is). People are sprites, the guys that look like 1s and 0s are binomes (which represent 1s and 0s). Bad guys are viruses, and the good guy is a Guardian named Bob, who is a certified cinnamon roll.

In the first season the eps are light and self-contained, mainly because there was constant friction between the Mainframe studios and the Board of Standards and Practices.

They still got away with some pretty dark stuff, like Megabyte (virus) making Enzo (the kid) watch his dog get sliced open (dog got away, obviously) , Dot (sprite) have a hallucinatory breakdown, and the fridge horror of realizing the thousands of worm things (nulls) that plunged off a bridge to their death were actually people.

And Hex's (virus

best girl) scary face single-handedly traumatized an entire generation. 🙂

But busting through a window was a no go, because WhAt If tHe cHiLdReN dID iT tOo?

Anyway, halfway through the second season, ABC cut them loose, so they were like, fuck it, we’re going to start going hard. The story shifted from episodic to arcs and things start to get serious.

Third season the show moved to YTV in Canada, which gave no fucks about shielding the innocent children.

So it got DARK

How dark?

The UK refused to show the entire season, so the audience there had to wait until pirated copies made it across the pond to see how it ended.

Also by 1997, the animation was gorgeous. (Best example of third season animation I could think of that didn't have spoilers)

youtube

The show was green-lit for a fourth season on Cartoon Network, but halfway through production Warner Bros took over and the same fucking thing happened.

Because Mainframe was halfway done, they decided not to scrap all of it, but knowing they wouldn't be able to finish it correctly, Mainframe stripped anything that would hint at Season Four's true ending, then left what remained on a cliff-hanger of angst.

FOR 22 YEARS

(It's also why the last four eps of season four seem to make no sense)

And so it was.

Other crap happened, the soul left Mainframe, and its animated corpse spat out “The Guardian Code” in 2018.

But never say die! The year is (almost) 2024, 30 years later. ReBoot shall rise from the dead, because here come the documentary!!

youtube

Do you dare see what you’ve been missing?

What the (UK) government doesn’t want you to know??

Then come on down to ReBoot!

We got:

Magnificent bastards with sexy voices!

youtube

(Tony Jay at his best)

Kickass women who could probably crush your head with their thighs and you’d enjoy it!

Innuendos in a kid's show!

youtube

💗 This adorable cinnamon roll!! 💗

Insane third season glow-ups!

YOUR NEW GOD

These guys!

(Gay roller-skating binome is my boi. I named him Jerry)

Nonstop cultural refs (You'll never find them all. Never.)

(There are literally videos dedicated to trying)

So many computer puns!

Body Horror!

Existential Crisis!

HAVE I MENTIONED YOUR NEW GOD?

youtube

This is it, folks! The real thing, the gem hidden in the moose-filled forests of Canadia!🌲🌲🌲

Take a trip inside a mid-90’s computer!

See the World Wide Web! (omg):

Witness the original purple Gamecubes that randomly fall from the sky when the owner of the computer (OUR GOOD LORD THE USER) wants to play a game. If it lands on people and they lose, they dissolve into mindless energy leeches, fated to tormented by their former bretheren for all of eternity.

Just like in real life! 🙃

So watch the eps! They on YouTube!

youtube

I think they're on Pluto, Hulu, Sling, and Tubi too! Also DVDs for people who have the patience to wait for them!

WATCH! BELIEVE! SUFFER THE SOUL-CRUSHING RAGE OF THE SEASON 4 CLIFF-HANGER!* (come on, its fun!)*

HYPE THE DOC!

The more people hype, the better the chances of actually getting it finished.

NOW SHARE THIS WITH EVERYONE!

And now I will leave you with this screenshot from the ep "Painted Windows", where dicks can clearly be seen drawn upon the wall behind the fleeing anthropomorphized television.

(PS: If you heard the clown pic at the top of the page in your head, you're welcome)

IMPORTANT UPDATE

This message is now approved by Gavin Blair! He's an awesome guy. Show him some love on TWITTER (fuck you musk) at @TheRealMrSweary Also, if you want to share this with non-tumblr friends, here is my attempt at a webpage version:

theseventhstarprojects.com/REBOOT.html

887 notes · View notes

tanadrin · 4 months

Text

Imagine one day a new social trend starts spreading. It’s something unbelievably dumb. Not harmful per de, but truly silly to believe. Let’s say, I dunno, healing crystals start going mainstream. Everybody’s talking about their crystals. It becomes impolite to criticize people who believe in healing crystals. They become a big part of people’s personalities, and people on TV start talking about them, and one day years down the line politicians are debating funding for crystal-based medicine. And through it all you are sitting there going, what the fuck is happening. I thought we were all on the same page on this. You want to get along and be friendly and open minded but you cannot pretend to believe in healing crystals, this is nonsense, and when the topic comes up you refuse to lie about it. This eventually starts to have social consequences—they’re that popular!—but what can you do? You cannot pretend a lump of quartz can cure the flu or whatever. It’s just all so unbearably embarrassing.

I think what the centrist/liberal/center-left reactionary turn driven by culture war stuff feels like. And I think the key emotion is probably cringe. Not hate, not fear, though those emotions may reinforce the turn. I think in a lot of cases people who imagine themselves pretty open minded and flexible have as part of their worldview something they thought was bedrock social consensus—on the level of “healing crystals are silly woo”—so bedrock maybe that it didn’t even need to be a conceptual boundary they actually policed in their minds.

For instance, when she started her anti-trans turn, JK Rowling made a big show of not being really anti trans, just arguing that Some People Had Gone Too Far. She wasn’t a frothing religious reactionary, after all. And I believe that’s probably true! I think Rowling probably did have a mental model of sex and gender with a little bit of give in it—of the “we can humor the odd weirdo” type. But as the discussion of trans rights in the UK got more serious over her lifetime, trans people went from “the odd weirdo” to “a recognized minority,” and eventually this ran against a bedrock belief that on some level men are men and women are women and never the twain shall meet. To act otherwise was just too embarrassing. And she wasn’t going to embarrass herself in the name of political correctness.

Other people whose brains have been eaten by the anti-woke mind virus (as @eightyonekilograms calls it) have something going of the contrarian in them, who enjoys yelling “up yours, woke moralists!” or w/e. Im thinking of ppl like Glenn Greenwald here, or Dave Chapelle, people who seem not to feel alive except when people are mad at them. That’s a separate but interesting dynamic. And there are people like Graham Linehan who become totally unhinged through this process of auto-radicalization, moths drawn ever closer to a particular source of validation within their chosen reactionary subcommunity, until they are truly parodies of themselves. That is also an important dynamic, but it’s one that only takes hold after the initial turn has begun.

I think the role of that feeling of cringe, that refusal to entertain an idea because it is too embarrassing (even if it does actually have a decent body of research behind it, unlike crystals) is important to think about, because I am interested in how to get people over it. I know that feeling has affected my own thinking over my lifetime. I wasn’t raised particularly conservative, but I had to learn not to cringe at a lot of feminist thought before I could appreciate it and learn from it. I explicitly didn’t have that cringe when it came to gay people for whatever reason, so it never entered my mind that it might be a problem. I remember being surprised to learn when I was very young that some boys wanted to marry other boys, but my response was “huh. Go figure.” Because for whatever reason I had not picked up that this was something I was supposed to be grossed out by. A general doctrine of empathy, of trying to understand people on their own terms, can help forestall some of this stuff, but it’s not foolproof in either direction—I don’t want to believe crystals have healing powers if it becomes socially popular to do so, just because it is socially popular to do so! And if they do, I don’t want to not believe they do just because it is socially unpopular!

(Obviously the crystals thing is not a one to one metaphor for the trans thing, so don’t read too much into that. Maybe astrology would have been a better analogy. Also I’m not talking just about people whose reactionary turn is predicated on trans issues—I think this dynamic applies to everything from gay rights to the Tridentine Mass. But trans issues are a handy example bc, as the adage goes, somebody posts once about trans people and they never post anything normal again. I think the classic rapid-onset trans derangement syndrome is closely tied to the fact that gender norms are a really deep element of many people’s social-consensus-based worldview, and so challenged to that worldview are felt as really cringe.)

I’m curious if other people who grew more liberal in their thinking over time had a similar experience of having to overcome what was basically a feeling of embarrassment at certain ideas.

373 notes · View notes

mcflymemes · 5 months

Text

PROMPTS FROM SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS * some of my favorite quotes from the show, adjust as necessary

his chops are too righteous!

it’s evil. it’s diabolical. it’s lemon scented!

lord knows i’ve tried.

two words. na. chos.

yeah, i get called that a lot.

it's just a cruel reminder that i'm single and likely to remain that way forever.

what doesn't kill you usually succeeds in the second attempt.

stupidity isn't a virus, but it sure is spreading like one.

goodbye everyone, i’ll remember you all in therapy.

don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?

i used to have a kidney stone. everything passes eventually.

you can't fool me. i listen to public radio!

stop it, [name], you're scaring him!

do instruments of torture count?

give to the children's fund? what have the children ever done for me?

this is not your average, everyday darkness. this is... advanced darkness.

what's better than serving up smiles?

i guess i'm not wearing any pants today.

did you smell it? that smell. a kind of smelly smell. the smelly smell that smells… smelly.

wake me up when i care.

look at all the hip, young people eating salads!

he was so ugly that everyone died.

the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time!

well, the way i see it, there are three possibilites.

hibernation is the opposite of beauty sleep.

that’s it mister! you just lost your brain privileges!

good people don’t rip other people’s arms off.

well, we lost our car again.

pull your pants up. we’re going home.

you were right. fighting is for children.

i’m a good noodle!

remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.

your ceiling is talking to me!

we don’t need television.

the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.

i’ll have you know i stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden and i only cried for twenty minutes.

hey, if i close my eyes, it doesn’t seem so dark.

is mayonnaise an instrument?

those are some big words. i’ve never heard you use them before.

my vocabulary is infinitely expanding.

we destroyed your most prized possession.

we shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request.

let’s see, a five letter word for happiness. money.

can i have everybody’s attention?

i have to use the bathroom.

do you know what day today is?

could you not stand so close? you’re making me claustrophobic.

i used your clarinet to unclog my toilet.

are they laughing at us?

if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.

he needs us now more than ever.

what is today, but yesterday’s tomorrow?

ice is just a myth.

this working out thing isn’t working out.

i can’t see my forehead.

i have a good idea, and no one else thinks so.

look at you, so young and happy.

i prefer to be an idiot!

sounds like a pretty good deal to me, what do you say?

don’t be sad, buddy. turn that frown upside down!

i’m ugly and i’m proud!

good! say it louder!

i can’t do it! i can’t be away from my best friend!

i need you! i can’t handle this myself!

i’m just going on vacation for a few days.

i was kinda hoping that you come along with us…

enjoy the cake everybody!

now we never have to be apart, even when we’re not together.

this is great. see you forever!

i have to keep you safe while i get some work done!

maybe he doesn’t like us.

no, are you kidding?

i propose a toast to new friends!

i guess i’ll have to move in back with my mom and dad.

he’s a thief. look at the lust in his eye…

why can’t you just accept our friendship?

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompt #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #rp starters #ask meme #ask memes #roleplay meme #roleplay inbox prompts #rp inbox meme #inbox prompt #inbox meme #sentence starter prompt #sentence starter #sentence starters #mcflymemes #spongebob squarepants

205 notes · View notes

teecupangel · 6 months

Note

I'm almost sorry to add another story idea to your backlog pile, BUT:

Elijah finds out what his dad went through, manages to break into a parallel universe, time travels to the 3 eras of the main ancestors, and tries to change things enough to save Desmond. Altair, Ezio, and Ratonhnhake:ton ask this tiny, angry, sarcastic, cactus of a child why he's doing what he's doing, and he eventually explains it over time.

Desmond, on the other hand, is watching all of this through the animus: a son he didn't know existed was trying to save him. An infant who he had never met, and who had never met him, was fighting time and reality itself to save him from a fate that still hasn't been explained, was showing more care and love and compassion for him than anyone Desmond had ever known before. And it hurts, because Desmond just grows to love him more and more, but thinks he'll never truly meet him outside of a Bleed.

Elijah never seems to age, even though he spends like forty years picking on Ezio. There's a statue of him in the Monterrigioni sanctuary, and he hates it with a passion.

Just... Elijah trying to fuck up time enough to save his dad, and Desmond watching all of it both touched and heartbroken, because if he's going through all of this anyways, it was all for nothing.

Then Elijah comes out of nowhere in the Grand Temple and sucker punches Juno with a data virus he had hardcoded into their lineage's DNA over nine centuries lmao

Please never be sorry for sending me an ask. Pile as much as you want as long as you guys understand that it would take a while for me to answer them (a month or so at this point XD)

Okay, but can you just imagine if Elijah was just a teenager in this one? That would give more of a sucker punch vibe to Desmond once he learns who Elijah is.

He has the ability to time travel but he can’t control where he gets sent. His goal had been to save Desmond Miles but he made the mistake of tying his time to Desmond Miles and not to someone more stable like Rebecca Crane or Shaun Hastings.

Hell, William Miles would be a better choice.

Because…

Desmond Miles’ ‘time’ is connected to the memories he watch in the Animus, making Elijah slip in and out of certain ‘times’, following the memories Desmond watches.

Desmond assumed Elijah was one of the informants in Altaïr’s memories. It’s only when Altaïr began to see him as an annoying child who always got in the way of Altaïr’s missions that Elijah told the truth.

Why?

Because Elijah has nothing to lose from telling Altaïr the truth. He was a prisoner of time itself, being yanked time and time again. He has a theory that he was being yanked to the time in Altaïr’s life where Desmond was watching him so he figured he could give Desmond information as well using Altaïr.

It would be funny, after all.

The Isus have chosen Ezio Auditore to be their prophet.

Why couldn’t Elijah make Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad his prophet then?

And he’ll take Ezio Auditore from the Isus as well.

Maybe it was Aita’s selfishness and desire for power.

Maybe it was his very own selfish desire to have something that was truly his.

“Shall we make a deal, Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad?”

“A deal?” Those golden eyes seemed to pierce his very soul.

But it didn’t matter what he saw.

He cannot begin to fathom the truth.

Not yet, anyway.

Right now, Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad was a man lost in a vicious snowstorm threatening to swallow him whole and pull him to his frozen grave.

He still haven’t found the warmth he was meant to have, given to him by the Calculations.

“My name is Elijah.” He said, “I am a child of Time itself.”

“What nonsen-”

“I will correctly tell you what will happen when you confront Garnier de Naplouse.” Elijah stated, making Altaïr stop from walking away from him. Altaïr turned just enough to stare at him with one of his golden eyes as Elijah continued, “And I will tell you the future you are meant to have.”

“And what do you want in exchange?”

“From you? Nothing.” Elijah admitted, “All I want is a bit of your time.”

“My time?”

“To talk to Desmond Miles.”

Altaïr frowned as he said, “I do not know anyone by that name.”

“I know.” Elijah answered with a nod, “But he’s watching you. The Templars are forcing him to watch you right now and it is because he is forced to watch you that he comes to care for you so…”

“I will help you save yourself, Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad.” Elijah said, “To change your fate to whatever you desire, instead of what has been laid out in front of you. In exchange…”

“All I ask is you listen to me so I can take to my father.” Elijah’s lips curved into a small smirk that felt more Aita than him, “And to commemorate my first message to my father, I believe I should tell him an important truth.”

“Lucy Stillman is a Templar who betrayed the Assassins.”

(I feel like in this case, Elijah would provide more information and let Altaïr do what he wants. He only starts to actually have a more active roll once the memory seals from ACR starts and he grows close to Altaïr’s children. By the time he gets to Ezio and Ratonhnhaké:ton, he’s more ‘fuck the backseat, I’m driving’ and actively helps. This ends up with Elijah finally ‘returning’ to Desmond Miles’ time just as Minerva and Juno told him what will happen if he lets the world burn and, by that point, Elijah had already completed a device that would force Juno’s consciousness to operate the device in Desmond’s stead).

#assassin's creed #ask and answer #desmond miles #altaïr ibn la'ahad #teecup writes/has a plot #fic idea: assassin's creed #elijah miles

160 notes · View notes

rushtoprove · 2 years

Text

masterlist

updated: 20/01/2023

ao3 profile

wattpad

house of the dragon

aemond targaryen

the things we do for love ongoing aemma velaryon is the daughter of the princess rhaenyra and betrothed to aemond targaryen. their young love blinds them to the bitterness between their families, but slowly their fantasy begins to unravel with time. how did the purest of love turn into such bitter hatred? 1/2/3/4/5/6/7

forbidden fruit ongoing eyva's loveless marriage to her husband aegon was causing nothing but pain and misery for the young woman and her days begin to drain her soul. perhaps the arrival of his brother will change that? 1/2

a moment of weakness completed a disastrous turn of events in one of the crown's tournament's leaves the court fearful that prince aemond has lost his other eye. the prince is adamant no one shall gaze beneath his eye-patch, not even his darling wife. 1

our little secret ongoing aemond promised to take you as his wife when the time was right and you had no reason to doubt him. but when news of his engagement to cassandra baratheon is announced, and your name is left ruined by his nightly visits to your chamber, you have no choice but to flee from the shame you have brought upon your family and to run from the man you love. but not all is as it seems. 1 / 2

to deceive a prince completed when aemond targaryen shows interest in courting your little sister, she employs your help to capture his attention through sharing letters and notes, all the while acting as if you are her. it was never meant to become so complicated. 1

as long as we're together / the last of us au ongoing with a virus quickly spreading and violence taking over, aemond tries to move your little family to a safer place. he didn't expect to lose you all so quickly. 1

helaena targaryen

a princess and her secrets ongoing the arrival of the realm's fiercest swordsman creates a scandal when it turns out to be a mere woman. the princess helaena, finds herself playing with some very dangerous thoughts. 1/2/

#aemond targaryen fic #aemond imagine #aemond targaryen #aemond targryen imagine #hotd imagine #house of the dragon #house of the dragon imagine #helaena targaryen #helaena targaryen fanfic #helaena targaryen imagine #helaena x reader

904 notes · View notes

kuroenanan · 3 months

Note

I shall continue the airheaded s/o request. But this time, how would the N25 react to their s/o having an airhead? Thanks!

absent-minded

a/n ; niigo… thank u anon. glad ppl are enjoying this series

characters ; kanade yoisaki, mafuyu asahina, ena shinonome, mizuki akiyama.

# kanade (宵崎奏) 🎼

she… she is more than concerned about you. with kanade staying indoors most of the time and you being outdoors, she definitely worries about how you’ll manage.

kanade finds the way you struggle with technology… rather endearing, in her own way. she can’t help but smile at how you look at her monitors while she works on a song, answering your questions about how one thing works. she just needs to make sure you don’t touch anything—

she doesn’t get out much, but nothing will stop her from leaving her house and searching for you as soon as she gets an “i’m lost” text message from you. she’ll ask you to describe things around you and stay put until she reaches you, a gentle, relieved smile forming on her face when she finds you <3.

# mafuyu (朝比奈まふゆ) ❄️

she’s more than curious about you. she wonders how one person could be so… scatterbrained, for the lack of a better word. in your own way, you remind mafuyu of one of her peers from school…

she’ll help you with any technology issues you happen to have, wether it be telling you your phone turned off because it’s dead and needs to be charged, or prevent your device from getting a virus due to you accidentally clicking a certain link.

she prevents you from wandering off and getting lost by simply holding your hand. mafuyu will keep you close to her, her hand in yours as you two walk to school. if you do happen to get lost, however, a soft, genuine smile will form onto her face as she begins her search for you.

# ena (東雲恵那) 🎨

if ena had to describe you in a simple term, she’d go with the word “airheaded”. by no means is she ever irritated or annoyed by you, you could never piss her off — in fact, she finds it rather mesmerizing… in her own way.

a conversation you and your girlfriend have had many times is about your phone. “ena?” you call, and the artist turns away from her canvas to face you. “yes?” “my phone turned off randomly. can you see what’s wrong?” cue a loving sigh from her as she puts her paintbrush down and walks over to you, taking your phone from your hands.

ena has considered installing a tracking device onto your phone for whenever you get lost. of course, she’ll always stop what she’s doing to go and get you whenever you lose your way, scoffing slightly at mizuki’s comment to “put money in a jar whenever [name] get’s lost”.

# mizuki (秋山瑞希) 🎀

mizuki thinks your absentmindedness is adorable! you’re already cuter than any person they’ve seen, and your airheaded personality doubles it!

“mizuki,” “hm?” “something is wrong with my phone.” they giggle softly before taking your device into their hands, telling you that you accidentally powered it off by holding the power button for too long.

mizuki is two steps ahead when it comes to you wandering off. they had installed a GPS onto your phone so they can easily find you! whenever they’re with you on a walk, they hold your hand and pull you close to avoid any mishaps <3.

86 notes · View notes

minimallyminnie · 11 months

Text

Gift for @enassbraid!!!

Summary- Rui just thinking about you. Wait…maybe a bit too much about you…

Gn Reader, Rui Kamishiro x Reader, Fluff, really fluffy, like little to no angst, no tw needed! Pre relationship, huge crush.

My Thoughts Shall Follow You.

Rui isn’t the type of person to really focus on someone who isn’t he friend

Unless it’s the lovely and amazing audience of course!

The people he really focuses on is his parents, Tsukasa, Nene, Emu, Mizuki and co.

But any random person who might judge him?

Nope! Not his problem!

…

But. He met you.

You for some reason, didn’t judge him in a bad and weird light.

Saying strange things to him…

“Nice robot Kamishiro! It looks great!”

Or just saying a nice greeting to him

He scanned you in case you had some sort of strange virus or something

Even analyzing your intentions

But, you genuinely wanted to get to know him…

What on earth is the matter with you?!

He’s the “weirdo kid”. Your reputation is going to get ruined like what happened to Tsukasa!

Well Tsukasa was already excluded like them but still! He’s weird!

But you continued to ask him questions, not crossing his boundaries

Even talking to Tsukasa and Nene!

What?!

One day, during lunch Tsukasa called you over to the rooftop to eat with them

Course you didn’t say no

He put up his guard in case you were messed up but even so, you just talked normally to the two of them

“Do you think I should play an evil villain in our next show to try something new or a shining hero?”

“Hmm…why don’t you try a play in the perspective of a villain to show their side of the story? That way, it’s something new but you have a clearer image of a misunderstood villain.”

“That’s actually a good idea! Rui! We must do this idea! As a shining star, if this is what our audience could like, our job is to make them smile!”

“What do you think Kamishiro?”

It’s actually a good idea…you have a real smile of curiosity on your face…

“Fufufu~ I think it’s a wonderful idea! Let’s talk it over with Nene and Emu later though. Wouldn’t want them to be surprised by this unexpected direction!”

Tsukasa high fives you and you look really happy at the fact that he liked your idea

When they go with the idea, he invites you along not expecting you to actually go

But you did, in the front row with Emu’s showtime pass (You two had met after one of the days at school, the girl happily tackling you to the ground as she thanks you for helping with the show.)

During the show, he sees how your eyes twinkle with delight and how amazed your expression looks

The flowing movements and dramatic shifts, the well written story…you just had to!

He thinks some people in the audience teared up at the villain’s backstory just like you

In the end, when they all bow to the audience, he can see you stand up and cheer for them

You go backstage and congratulate all of them, smiling at them with bouquets for all of them…

…Your smile is the only one he really focused on during the show, wasn’t it?

He trades numbers with you and let’s you call him by his first name afterwards

Your messages consist of many things

You: Rui, what did you do to Tsuka?

Cheshire: Well! I misheard him and heard him say “We should put on these ants.”

You: Next?

Cheshire: I gave him pants with decorative realistic ants on it!

In reality, he said we should put on these pants like the ones with cloud on the cuffs but he fainted when he saw those ant pants!

You: Is he okay?!

Cheshire: Yes! He got caught by Nenerobo!

You: Jfc Rui, you’re going to give him a heart attack one day 😰

Cheshire: New inventor of black plague?

You: NO

Cheshire: [|87

You: RUI NO, WE CAN’T BE IN A PANDEMIC BECAUSE OF A 17 YEAR OLD 😭😭😭

…

Yeah…chaotic.

But you always go with him, and slowly he lets down his walls carefully

And inside his walls crawls his thoughts of you.

Leaking into the main core of his heart.

Your shining expression when you see one of his shows.

Your attempt on trying to replicate one of their dances alongside Tsukasa.

Your kind words to him and his friends family.

The laugh you give that plays his heartstrings.

You’re engraved in his head 24/7.

He’s sitting in the stage taking his lunch break when all of a sudden he thinks of you. A startled look on his face.

“Rui, are you alright?”

“Tsukasa-Kun, is it normal for me to be thinking of the same someone randomly everyday?”

“Randomly? Hmm…I don’t think it’s randomly. You think of things that you like, you don’t randomly think of someone.”

Rui’s blushes just a tiny amount

“If this person…makes me feel weird…is it..?”

Tsukasa looks at him with surprise before grinning at him with genuine excitement

“I think you’re in love with that person then!”

And Rui’s eyes widens as he blushes, no words coming to his mind for once. He feels Tsukasa happily laugh as he pats Rui on his shoulder.

He’s in love.

He’s in love with you.

And oh, his smile is wider than ever as he classifies it.

Yhhshshsjsj just a random gift for my moot

Fluff and stuff for her favorite man

No, Tsukasa does not have a crush on Rui or Reader, don’t take it like that man. I’ll say something if he does 🤨

#minniemoots #mindlessclow #x reader #project sekai x reader #gn reader #rui kamishiro x reader #kamishiro rui x reader #fluff #project sekai fluff

128 notes · View notes

thedecayingapplefiles · 3 months

Text

Part Eleven

All the ponies gathered around Twilight as she threw down several papers. Notes on the infection.

Decaying Apple Virus. Name courtesy of Sweetiebelle.

Spreads through cuts and bites, more than likely through the bloodstream.

First stage of the infection begins with a saturation of coat, mane, and eye colors. Small wounds appear on the body.

Second stage has the subject losing every tooth in their mouth rather quickly. They cry about not being able to see, always hiding their face. Perhaps their eyes fall out?

The last phase of the infection shows their hooves splitting into jagged claws, their toothless mouths filling with sharp, twisted fangs.

Illustrations were attached.

Sweetiebelle claims the infected speak. It's been confirmed by Rainbow Dash, so I'm inclined to believe them. We shall find out, though-

#mlp #mlp infection au #mlp virus #story #the decaying apple files #mlp fim #tw body horror #tw blood #part eleven

29 notes · View notes

gengasblog · 1 year

Text

Lucifer - (obey me! shall we date) Headcanons my opinion

-mammon next part

- a lot of people say that lucifer doesn't sleep much but in my opinion I think that he does sleep at least 2 times a week - since he doesn't want to make his brothers worry

- properly bought a night like for you that he has in his room just in case you can't sleep because of a nightmare and come to him

- he tries his best to make time to spend it with you and his brothers

- many also say that's it very hard to get lucifer from his paperwork - but he would probably let everything lay where is is if it comes to you

- took you out to restaurante six sever times and after that to a cinema or to a mall - also doesn't mind when you just want to go home and watch a movie there or so

- properly has collected a lot of human information about what is important for them, figured out that you have to get injections (do you call it that) to stay healthy against Virus and whatever, took you to the doctor in the human realm straight away - you probably didn't like that he figured out

- Supports you no matter what - doesn't mind you being gay, lesbian, trans and so on

- buys you all the clothes you want if you are shopping also mabye buy some jewelry for you that he thinks would suit you

- always there for you when you get sick, makes sure that you get enough water and the medicine you need

- is secretly happy when you surprise him with a visit or just want to give him some company - this man is probably so lonely being amlost always in his office

- does go a little bit more easy on you with punishments but will still give you a lecture - mabye even takes your DDD from you for a week

- checks your posts on devilgram to make sure no one is calling you names or making you insecure (rip if he actually found someone commenting on something - was properly the last time he was ever saying something)

- always texts you when he is buying groceries if you want anything special

- mabye even bought you your own mini fridge since beel is always eating anything and humans aren't able to not eat for days

Remember that this are my opinions so pls no hate

#obey me x gender neutral reader #obey me headcanons #lucifer obey me #obey me mammon #obey me mc #obey me x reader #obey me luci x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me x you

110 notes · View notes

axewchao · 5 months

Text

Arm warmers are cool, end of discussion.

Wanted to take a stab at giving Dal some more interesting clothing choices, because I friggin' can, and getting a certain virus wasn't gonna stop me!

...Okay, it did stop me; t'was why I've been radio silent for what feels like an eternity. Anyone else experience dizziness after the worst part of the disease-that-shall-not-be-named was over? I sure did, even went to the ER to get myself checked out. I'm fine now, just in time for the holidays ;w;)b

Not much of a festive pic, but I wanted to at least post something after being gone for a while =w="

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all y'all. Now if you'll excuse me... I'm gonna give Mario RPG a try :3c

#Super Mario #Real Worlder!Dal #Koopa!Dal #Dalex Rathmore #i've actually had Mario RPG on hand for a while now; spotted a pre-owned copy and WENT FOR IT #but I haven't touched it yet because I got Splatoon 3 at the same time and started that first #and getting sick certainly didn't help-#BUT AGAIN- I'm fine now ;w;)b #hope I haven't missed too much =w=''#axewchaoscribbles

41 notes · View notes

psi-scribe · 1 month

Text

The Infinite and Divine, Review

So it took me about 3 days of reading on and off but I finished reading The Infinite and The Divine! Let's get an important question out of the way first, does it live up to the hype? Honestly? It does, it really does. I understand now, all the memes about Trazyn and Orikan, my mind eye's is open.

10/10 would recommend this to anyone looking to tip their toes into necrons or just looking for a sincerely fun book full of thrills and angsty moments.

I would like to remind everyone that the characters in question are older than the Emperor by a long freaking time, millions of years.

And they act like this, consistently. Truly "growing old is mandatory by growing up is optional".

As always spoiler filled rambling under the read-more (though I will be avoiding parts of the plot because no, you really do need to read this on your own.)

But of course, now I shall begin reading Renegades: Lord of Excess~

Ok so I really do need to touch on the humor first because this book is hilarious, in so many ways. From the back-and-forward banter between Trazyn and Orikan, their actions in general (more so on Trazyn's part) and their remarks to the other necrons. Someone tells Trazyn "you can't drink wine??" because he has a wine cellar and doesn't want to move it, Trazyn replies that of course he doesn't drink it! That would be a waste! Rather than the fact that he...literally can't drink. At another point a necron lady named Phillias (hey I love her too) basically called them idiots and Trazyn said "yeah you are too."

Also-

THE MEMES WEREN'T A LIE! THEY REALLY WERE THE TWO MUPPETS AT THE THEATER, THEY DID THAT! I HAD TEARS IN MY EYES!!

Ok but onto the more serious aspects of the book. I really enjoyed just how well we get to see how immortal beings deal with time. Orikan spends decades, centuries even studying just one subject, a necron court trial (yes, that's not a joke there was a lawsuit) takes years just to gather evidence and decide on a mediator. Hell, later on even more time passes, we see the rise and fall of several civilizations just on one planet. And this matters so little to the necrons.

Trazyn even remarks that the worst enemy for an immortal is boredom, that's just a good insight.

And as a brief side note, remember what happens in the beginning and hang onto it, trust me.

There's also so much lore about the necrons back when they were the necrontyr and the culture they had. Despite everything there was a culture, they had smoking pipes, gods before the C'tan, they had plays and music, all of this made despite all they were afflicted with. This is something that that both Trazyn and Orikan remark that they had in come with humanity; they lived shortly but managed to seize control of the galaxy despite it.

Ah Orikan, what a bastard (as Trazyn also calls him, lmao they really do curse a lot in this book) but he's so interesting? He warned all the necrontyr about what would happen with the biotransference, he was dragged unwilling into the forge. He doesn't understand why Trazyn would be mad about him breaking his (Trazyn's) old cane, why he collects everything he does. Orikan wants to ascend further now, leaving behind his metal body to become energy.

Man I would love to see him and Szeras interact given that Szeras was so involved with biotransference and wants to become a god.

Another part, despite their arrogance the necrons have their doubts, worries, regrets and fears. They are terrified of the flayer virus and the virus that creates the destroyers. And, here's a real kick in the gut, the C'tan messed with their memories to the point they can't really recall their own pasts, just fragments and pieces, what's there might be false too. Man the C'tan suck.

I have so many emotions due to reading this book. More parts related to the plot buutt I can't spoil it, I really can't.

Love Executioner Phillias, remember that too.

#scribe's scribbles #scribe shouts about books #the infinite and the divine #necrons

12 notes · View notes

frogthane · 6 months

Text

Presentable Liberty

Okie, so forewarning, this post shall be discussing certain topics that may not be suitable for all, such as suicide, so please do bear that in mind before proceeding.

So, I just recently watched Markiplier's video depicting his gameplay of "Presentable Liberty" (yes, I'm aware I'm a tad bit late to the show). Anywho, the game was created by "Wertpol", birth name Robert Brock, who unfortunately decided to end his life in June 2018. This game in particular speaks to what I could only presume to be his experience with mental health.

A brief summary for those of you who haven't a clue what this game is: the game starts off with the protagonist in a prison cell, who's only means of communication with the outside world are letters sent by 4 characters. Through these letters, we learn of a world plagued by infection outside and we told we are one of the few 2% left uninfected.

Now, for the analysis (if you still haven't a clue of what the hell is going on, I do highly recommend Markiplier's playthrough). The story may seem wild, unpredictable and just plainly doesn't make any sense, however, I started relating to the events through my own experiences. First and foremost, we have the cell. We haven't a clue what exists outside this small room, our only source of information coming from occasional letters delivered through the slat under our prison cell doorway. And so begins the numerous symbolisms. What do we think of when we think of prison? Sure, of course we think criminals, violence, guards, life sentences, but what of isolation? And in the case of this game, that isolation exists within one's mind. The protagonist shuts themselves away from society, only receiving information from letters which I interpreted to be social media and text messages, hence why progressively we become more and more enthusiastic about receiving them. It represents the small hits of dopamine that hits our minds anytime we see a message from a friend, or a notification from a platform. We have isolated ourselves from the world for unknown reasons, creating a prison cell within our minds.

But what of the virus? Depression. It is slowly affecting the population, killing them off slowly but surely, either an individual's organs slowly shutting down, or from them committing the act themselves. That is the infection spreading about. Depressing, hence why Mr Smiley is tasked with keeping us happy. We mustn't fall into despair like the rest of the population. We mustn't be infected.

Mr Smiley is certainly a unique character. He seems rather odd at first, and their only goal is to keep us happy, the reason behind it later on being revealed to be because his two daughters are being held hostage. And it works. We gain a penpal. We become happier, for whatever brief amount of time. Sort of like the effects therapy and drugs have on our psyche. However, they might not always work. Eventually, the benefits might start to dwindle, and we shall once more find ourselves at square one with our depression, and so, Mr Smiley departs.

Charlotte is a random stranger from a bakery who begins to write to us from lack of companionship. Her mood drastically changes in the letters, until eventually she speaks of no longer being able to go on. Charlotte offers us a different perspective of how suicide affects us all. Despite being a virtual stranger to us, we grow fond of her, and her death strikes a chord in our hearts. She demonstrates the lasting effect one can have on another individual, such as the beautiful music we heard from her phonograph one lonely evening. It may seem small, but it lasts, and her departure leaves a gaping hole in our chests.

Now, our friend, Salvadore. He is far from our world, deep in nature, exploring his own adventure and doing as he wishes with his life. He sends us gifts and letters, retelling his experience and expresses his miss for us. We don't respond. He eventually realizes something is wrong. He notices the symptoms. He frantically makes his way home, to where he discovers it is not how he left it. The signs become obviously clear. He makes his way to us, telling us not to give up, that he shall arrive. Until he reaches an obstacle. The prison. Our mind's blockade. And when he attempts shutting off the power, he is electrocuted.

Throughout the game, characters vaguely mention us being high up. High up? In a prison? Unless once more, there is symbolism. A rooftop, perhaps. We are at the edge, about to make a decision that we can't take back. And Salvadore, our friend, died trying to help us, maybe showing that however good our friends' intentions are, if we are so caught up within our inner turmoil, we may drag them down with us. But throughout all this, there has been one obvious villain, one obvious antagonist who wishes for Mr Salvadore to quit speaking with us, who wishes for us to remain in our cell forever.

Mr Money. He sets up Mr Smiley to provide us happiness, though in all the letters, it is evidently fake, ingenuine. Mr Money is the one handing out the antidote, worsening the infection, the situation as a whole. He is the one who keeps us imprisoned in isolation, who so desperately wishes for us to cut off all communication with the outside.

He is human's worst enemy. Our minds.

#video games #presentable liberty #markiplier #depression #suicide #analysis #wertpol

20 notes · View notes

kikiwritesfanfic · 8 months

Text

The Lovebug Virus - Chapter 5: Balance

Yandere! Sun and Moon x Reader

Masterlist || AO3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 6

*****

For once, everything you set out to accomplish in the past few days has been going surprisingly well.

Since the day you fell asleep in the daycare, Sun and Moon have seemingly made it their personal responsibility to make sure you get enough sleep. You had promised them that you would try harder when you came in for your shift the next day, still not having recovered from your sleep deprivation, energy drink in hand and bags under your eyes. Even if you had only said so to get Sun to stop telling you all the reasons why eight hours of sleep were ideal.

For some reason, you felt some sort of resignation in allowing the boys to take care of you. While you had been used to taking care of yourself for so long, letting some of the weight off of your shoulders in trying to remember all the little things that went into keeping your sanity was refreshing. Sun had even started trying to make a little game out of it, guessing how many hours you had gotten of sleep by all of your vitals he could read. It had surprised you at first when he told you that they had the ability to do that, but honestly, what hadn't surprised you about them at this point?

Your grades stopped suffering from the moment you took this job, it seemed. Every single class got more than enough attention, and you had Kat helping you with homework when you needed it. She was more of a help than you expected her to be. The two of you even had enough time to go out for a coffee date again, like you used to do all the time throughout the summer.

During said coffee date, she relayed that she was getting even closer with the girl from the party, whose name is Jenny. You had been hearing Kat on the phone with her a lot recently, and you had even joked with her at one point that she was replacing you with her (which earned you an aggressive hair ruffling). She pestered you about the daycare attendant a lot while you sipped your drink, for some reason. And you couldn't help the heat that rose to your cheeks when you embarrassingly rambled on a little too much about how much you enjoyed being around them.

"Oh come on, Meatball! You so have a crush on them!"

"Shhh!" you said back, looking around frantically to see if anyone else had been eavesdropping on your conversation. Kat pulled her head down apologetically, but still waved her hands back and forth in front of her face excitedly. When you glared at her in response, she sighed and realized that it was somehow a touchy subject.

"Girl, it's not like I'm judging you," she had responded. "One of the other night guards is actually in a relationship with one of the glamrocks," she said nonchalantly. You had immediately perked up at the new knowledge.

"They're allowed to date?" you asked incredulously. She shrugged, breaking off another piece of her slice of lemon cake and popping it into her mouth. You sighed, slumping back into your seat further. "It doesn't matter, anyways. It's not like they've shown any interest in me anyways." Kat scoffed.

"Seriously? Moon never shuts up about you," she claimed, crossing her arms.

"Really?" She shrugged. "I just thought that-"

"Chipmunk, you literally overthink everything. Listen to the things I'm telling you." She leaned forward intimidatingly. "They. Like. You."

It was that conversation that has you currently trying to figure out how you are going to tell them that you also like them. You currently were running through the daycare play structures, playing tag with Sun and the children.

"Oh no! I've been tagged again! What ever shall I do?" Sun calls out dramatically from somewhere across the daycare. You giggle along with Evelyn, who decided to follow you around as usual. She grabs your hand and drags you back down towards the entrance of the play structure. You let her, keeping an eye out for Sun in the process. He seems to have disappeared.

Suddenly, you feel yourself being lifted into the air. You screech, letting go of Evelyn's hand and flailing frantically.

"Tag! Now you're it, Sunbite!" Sun exclaims, holding you in a hug. You can't help but find yourself laughing, enjoying the feeling of playing around like a child again. But you know what time it is, so you put on your best teacher voice as you speak your next words.

"Oh no! Looks like I'll have to be the first person to be 'it' in the next game!" you say, earning whines from a lot of the children.

"Now, now, little sunflowers," Sun chastises, placing you down and then wagging his finger at the young kids. "What do I always say about bringing a game to an end?"

"That it makes room for other fun activities," they all say in unison, excitement forming in their tiny bodies again. You smile as you walk over to the supply closet, pulling out black construction paper and glow-in-the-dark paint. You had come up with this idea yesterday, and when you told Sun about it this morning, he was so ecstatic about it, you had to convince him the entire time you were getting the daycare ready to wait to do the craft until before lunch time.

You walk back over to the tables just as Sun finishes settling them all down in their seats. Sun stands in the middle of them all, looking just about ready to explode. Still, when he speaks, you can't tell from his voice just how excited he is.

"So, who knows what is out in space?" he questions, looking around the young faces. Several of the older ones' hands shoot into the air, and Sun picks one.

"Stars!" he exclaims. Sun tells him he's correct before picking another one. Several of the children take this as an opportunity to just start blurting out answers.

"Planets!"

"Mars!"

"That's a planet, dummy-"

"Galaxies!"

"Yes, yes, yes," Sun says to calm the energetic kids, chuckling gently. He waits for them to quiet down before turning to you. "Sunbite, do you have anything to add?" You smile softly as you continue to hand out paintbrushes and paints to the children.

"The Sun and the Moon," you say, and all the kids let out "ooo's" at your answer. Sun somehow seems to smile wider.

"Correct again!" he agrees. He stands on one of the foam blocks and spreads his arms wide up above him. "There is so much out there that we are only just beginning to explore!" He turns back to face the eager faces. "I want you guys to help Moon and I see it all by drawing whatever you want, as long as it's out in space!"

The children scream in delight, grabbing at the glow paints and beginning their art projects. You can't help but feel a warmth in your chest at how much excitement they're giving off as you retreat to the security desk. Just as you're about to delve into figuring out what the children were having for lunch, you hear the door to the daycare open.

Max rushes in, drawing the attention of several of the children, many of which begin asking Sun who he is. Max waves at them quickly before continuing his approach to you. The apologetic look on his face immediately worries you. "Did I do something wrong already?" you ask half-jokingly, trying to keep the conversation light. He chuckles at that, shaking his head.

"No! God, no. If anything, you're doing everything right, and that's why I'm hesitant to do this..." he trails off the end of his sentence, looking remorseful enough that you feel panic rising in your chest. They weren't going to fire you already, were they? If you had been doing everything right, why would they get rid of you? And right now? In front of all the children?

Max pulls some paperwork off of his clipboard and holds it out in your direction. You take it with shaky hands, looking down and trying to stop the tears that already want to spill from your eyes. But your heart skips a beat or two as you read the top of the paper.

"ROUTINE MAINTENANCE INSTRUCTIONS: DAYCARE ATTENDANT"

"Something came up and now the Daycare Attendant doesn't have anyone to do the scheduled maintenance or cleanup on them," Max says, lifting his arm to scratch the back of his neck. "I tried to convince them to just let me do it, since you're still relatively new and all, but they insisted. I'm sorry you gotta get the extra workload."

A shaky laugh escapes your lips.

Routine maintenance? That's all this was about? Max felt bad because he had to give you extra work? "Max, you scared me!" you say, smacking him with the stack of paper. He looks rather confused, staring at you for a moment before his eyes go wide.

"Oh my god, you probably thought I was going to fire you! I'm so fucking stupid," he says, placing his palm to his forehead.

"Language, Mr. Diaz!" Sun says, earning a flurry of giggles from the children. You smile, relieved at the turn of events.

"It's fine, Max," you assure him, turning back to the desk and placing the papers down to be read later during your lunch break. "Honestly, it doesn't bother me. I'm going to school with Kat literally for robotics engineering anyways, remember?"

He gives you an uneasy smile, probably still convinced that you were being treated unfairly. But still, he says his goodbyes to you and waves at Sun before going to leave the daycare. He opens the door and yelps, though, the STAFF bot having already been waiting to drop off the lunch for the little ones. The daycare erupts into a fit of rowdy laughter as Max's face burns red and he scurries away like a cat.

You walk over to retrieve the meal as Sun begins dismissing the children one by one to go wash their hands. He collects the art projects off of the table and brings them to the security desk to lay out and dry as you set the meal down and begin disinfecting the surfaces. Then the two of you set up lunch as the children wait patiently, talking among themselves. The routine goes by smoothly with you and Sun working in perfect harmony. It makes you smile as you dish up the spaghetti into bowls and hand them to him to place in each of the spots.

The next thing you know, you're back at the security desk with Sun in his usual place, peeking over the monitors curiously as you skim the front page of the booklet Max brought you.

"So does this make you our new handler?" he asks eagerly, his rays seemingly shivering with excitement. You chuckle as you put the packet back down.

"I don't know, Sunny. Could just be temporary," you say, shrugging. He looks disheartened at that, so you continue. "But even if it is, I'm going to aim to be your handler anyways once I've got my degree." That seems to satisfy him, as he leans on the desk now with a goofy grin on his face. "What?" you ask, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Oh, I was just thinking about how much better everything in the daycare has gotten since you showed up," he muses, standing back up tall and staring off into the distance like he was reminiscing over old memories. You can't help but think he looks like he's starstruck, which only causes your heart to flutter as the weight of his words sink in.

"Oh I'm sure you guys were doing just fine without me," you say, waving his praise away to deter the blush that threatens to creep to your cheeks.

"Are you kidding me, Sunbite?" he exclaims, looking like if his security protocols weren't actively preventing it, he would leap across the desk and engulf you in a bone-crushing hug. "Everything runs so much smoother when you're here! The kids love all the amazing art projects you come up with, and even Moon appreciates the help you provide during naptime!"

Okay, now you really can't stop the blush as it takes over your cheeks. Thank god the lights are about to go out, because you're not so sure you can take much more praise without just melting on the spot.

"Sunny, stop it," you warn jokingly. "The lights are about to go out, and some of the children are probably ready to start getting cleaned up."

The solar animatronic places both of his hands to his cheeks as if having just remembered that he had a job to do, before rushing over to handle the little ones. You can't help the goofy grin that tugs at the corners of your mouth as you clock out for lunch. You just felt so... good. You wouldn't have to come up with some lame excuse to spend more time with the jester animatronics now that you had to perform weekly checkups on them. Things really couldn't get much better than this.

You wave to Sun as you leave through the employee entrance of the daycare and make your way over to the locker room. You've finally been having enough self control as of late to make yourself meals ahead of time, so as you pull open the door to the locker you put your bag in, you feel your stomach rumble at the knowledge of what was waiting for you to dig into.

Your mouth waters as you pull out your insulated lunchbox and a few bills so you can grab yourself a can of Fizzy Faz on the way back. You know Moon will give you hell for wanting it, but something about the nostalgic taste of barely-flavored corn syrup was just too addicting not to have it every once in a while. Besides, it's not like Moon could really do anything to you when you did have it. He would just grumble and glare at you like a cat protesting being moved from a comfy spot. Not really very intimidating.

Drink and food in hand, you wander back into the daycare quietly, trying your best not to disturb the children as they settle down around Moon. He looks up at you and seems to smile a bit wider, which only makes your heart flutter just as it had with Sun earlier. Maybe Kat was right.

Maybe you are falling head over heels for the stupid jester robots.

You take your usual seat at the security desk and pull out your homemade sushi roll and dumplings, excited once again that you had prepared yourself your favorite food. Moon begins telling a story to the children to get them to fall asleep. You don't recognize what tale he is reciting, which only intrigues you to listen to him instead of pulling your phone out like you usually did. After a moment, you realize that he must have begun telling the story before you even walked back in, because his sentence doesn't exactly sound like the beginnings of one.

"The little child asked the Moon when his birthday was, but the Moon didn't seem to hear him," he says, using his hands to emphasize the story as he went. "So the little child climbed up the highest tree he could find and shouted even louder. 'When is your birthday, Moon?' the boy yelled, and this time, it seemed like the Moon heard him."

You feel so absolutely enamored watching Moon that you almost miss how much his story is starting to sound more and more like he's talking about himself and Sun. The boy being the latter and him being - well, himself, you guess.

"'I don't know when my birthday is,' the Moon told the boy, feeling a little embarrassed by the admission. But the boy only smiled brighter at the Moon, instead offering to celebrate it the next day anyways. 'Tomorrow is my birthday, but I don't mind sharing it with you!' he assured the Moon," the lunar animatronic continued. Yeah, this story is definitely about him and Sun. There is no doubt about it. You wonder if he usually tells this story to the kids, or if he is only telling this story because he knows you're listening. Either way, you pop open your container of sushi and continue to eavesdrop.

"And so the boy set out the next day to figure out a present to give the Moon. He tried painting him a picture, but the colors were too bright and he couldn't seem to get the face right." You realize that none of the little ones seem to be awake anymore, which means that Moon is most certainly only telling the story now for you. It makes you feel warm inside, but you keep your head down to hide your blush and shove another piece of the roll into your mouth.

"Then, the boy thought to make him a big, beautiful cake. But he remembered that he didn't have any of the ingredients to do so, and that the Moon couldn't eat anyways." He pauses, looking up at you and tilting his head slightly, just as you crack open your can of Fizzy Faz. Did the stupid lunar animatronic just have some wild instinct when high calorie drinks were being consumed? You had made sure you opened the can below the desk so he couldn't see, and you'd also made sure it wasn't loud enough that he could hear it from where he sat.

Still, he turns back to the sleeping children and brushes the hair out of the closest child's face as he continues reciting his tale.

"Exasperated, the boy sat down on the floor of his room and wept. He wanted to make the moon feel special on his special day, but he was running out of time! He picked up his favorite stuffed animal and asked it what he should make for the moon. The stuffed animal said nothing back, but it somehow still gave the little boy an idea. He ran to his cupboard and pulled out his sewing kit. He was going to make a hat for the moon!"

You can't help the smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth as you take a bite of one of your dumplings. Even if the story wasn't entirely true (you knew the hat was always a part of the Fazco brand outfit he wore), you could definitely picture Sun making Moon the hat that always sat upon his brother's head.

"The boy worked all the way until the sun began to set. The hat was finished, but he didn't know how to give it to the moon. He wandered back outside and stared at the sky, trying to figure out a solution. 'The tree is probably tall enough to reach the moon!' he exclaimed, and so he placed the hat on his own head and then climbed up to the tallest part of the tallest tree in his backyard. The boy placed the hat on the tip of the highest branch. He wanted to wait to see the moon's reaction to the gift, but he yawned, feeling sleepy from spending all day working hard on it. So he climbed back down the tree and went to bed.

"The next day, the boy woke up and ran outside to find that the hat was missing! He smiled to himself and felt satisfied. Surely the moon had to love his gift to him. He made it extra special and with love." Moon tilts his head and smiles down at the sleeping children, being sure to jingle the bell on the edge of his hat as he does so.

You force yourself to look back down at your food seeing that Moon was now gently standing up to make his way over to you. When the red glow of his eyes signaled his position in front of the desk, you look up at him and smile, trying to play that you hadn't just spent the last ten minutes listening to him tell a literal bedtime story.

"Did you enjoy the show, Starlight?" he muses, which only makes you choke on your bite of sushi. His face immediately turns to that of concern, reaching forward to help you. You cough a few times and hold your hands up to gesture to him that you are okay. He chuckles slightly when you finally calm down, so you shoot a glare in his direction.

"Don't you dare," you say as threateningly as you can muster, but it sounds about as threatening as a croaky voice can sound while also whispering. You know he's lingering on making some kind of joke like he always does. Still, he puts his hands up in front of him in surrender as you grab your can of Fizzy Faz and chug the last of it (though not without a protesting sigh from the jester).

Moon walks back over to your designated naptime hangout spot, and you join him once you get your lunch mess cleaned up. "That was a really sweet story," you admit as you sit down on the mat next to him. "Did Sun really make your hat?" you ask, the curiosity not having left your thoughts since you heard it.

"Oh god no," he responds, seemingly finding the notion rather funny. He then snaps his hand up to his head, which tells you that Sun is yelling at him through their shared consciousness. "But he did fix my hat for me when he saw that it was torn," he admits, shaking his head as if physically trying to jostle Sun's voice from it. "It was a long time ago now, though."

"That's so sweet," you say, smiling gently. "I wish I had someone to mend my clothes when I was younger. Could've saved me a lot of embarrassment, honestly." Moon's red eyes shift to look at you, a curious expression upon his face.

"Embarrassment?" he asks, and you feel your cheeks burn.

"Y-Yeah, I didn't exactly get new clothes often enough to afford tossing the ones I had. Even if they were torn," you admit sheepishly. Moon's head makes a few ticking sounds, as if he's processing your words slowly.

"Well, now you have me," he settles on saying, before flinching - probably due to Sun yelling again - and correcting himself. "Us. Now you have us."

You smile up at him, but feel years worth of loneliness tug at your heart, promptly forcing you to snap your head back down. There wasn't ever anyone in your corner. Dealing with things on your own was your go-to way of handling each and every problem you came across up until recently. You stare at your hands, suddenly willing tears not to fall from your stinging eyes. Moon seems to notice that something is amiss, placing a hand on your shoulder gently. But you flinch at the physical contact and lean away from him.

"I-I'm sorry," you stutter, your voice barely above a whisper. "There's uh, there must be something in my eye or- I just... I need a second."

You stand from your spot next to him and rush towards the opposite side of the daycare and into the 'pillow fort,' covering your face in your hands and struggling to hold back the sobs that threaten to spill from your throat. Why are you even crying? You're such a useless crybaby. He was only stating what you already knew. So why are you reacting this way?

You bite down aggressively on your bottom lip to try to draw your attention to the pain instead of your spiraling thoughts. You didn't need to be so dramatic about this, but for some reason hearing Moon give you such a simple sentence of confirmation of their care for you just made your inner child emotional. God, you really are broken, aren't you?

"Starlight," you hear Moon's voice gently call in through the entrance to the tent. "I meant what I said. You shouldn't have to deal with these things on your own."

On your own.

But that's always how it's been. So why should now be any different?

Even if the animatronic jesters do care about you the same way you do about them, who's to say they'll never change their minds? You've always pushed everyone away, even when things go right. Even when-

"Starlight."

Moon's hand slides under your side and pulls you into his lap, engulfing you in a hug. Your body goes rigid, unsure of what to make of this. You had been so wrapped up in your thoughts that you hadn't even noticed that he'd slipped inside the tent and knelt down next to you. His hand rubs cooling circles on your back just as it had when you were having your panic attack. But the sentiment only brings another onslaught of tears, so you bury your face into his chest and quietly sob.

"Shhh, our little star, we're here now. You're not alone anymore," he assures softly, using his other hand to brush through your hair. You can't remember the last time you've even been consoled so intimately when you cried. Kat has always been great at giving you distractions and cheering you up, but it made her uncomfortable to listen to your dark thoughts and personal traumas. So you resorted to shoving everything down and reassuring yourself regularly that you would find yourself a therapist when you had the money. And then things just kept getting worse and you lost your job, so you never got to fulfill that promise to yourself.

Your silent sobs calm down more and more until you just sit in Moon's lap, sniffling against his chest. Now that you aren't wracked with your crying fit, you can hear faint clicking and whirring sounds coming from behind Moon's chestplate, starting and pausing in a pattern reminiscent of a heartbeat. Finally, you sigh, relaxing into him as he continues to rub your back.

"Better?" he asks gently, tilting his faceplate down to look at you. You nod into his chest and wrap your arms around him, not wanting to get up just yet. "Do you want to talk about it?"

You hesitate. Should you talk to him about the things you've been through? It would probably help you to get these things off of your chest to someone, especially since you still can't afford a therapist quite yet with the catching up you're doing on your savings. But you doubt the robot was built with any level of therapy coding for the children in mind, so you worry that it might have a negative effect on his processing software.

Still, you were planning on confessing your literally crush to them sometime soon, so you might as well get comfortable with expressing your feelings now.

"Well," you start, sitting up so that you no longer have your face buried away where he can't see you properly. His red eyes stare down at you expectantly, so you turn your head away before continuing. "Like I said, I've always had to deal with things alone..."

For the next half hour, you delve into the dark corners of your past, enlightening the animatronic jester about some of your traumas. You talk about your negative self talk, your absent parents, and even go into a bit of detail about your self esteem issues. You get so wrapped up in explaining the details of why and how you are the way that you are, that you don't even notice Moon's hand gravitate to your hip, holding you steadily in place while you flail your arms animatedly.

"The hardest part about everything was the loneliness," you say, slowing your talking to look down at the grooves in your palms. "I wasn't ever taught how to do anything. I always felt like a failure, and nobody was in my dark corner to tell me to just open the curtains and let the light in." Moon's head makes the same clicky sound it had earlier as he processes your analogy. "I know that some of my habits are horrible, but I justify them by telling myself that it could be so much worse. Even though I also know that isn't how it works."

Moon brings his hands up and into yours, so you look up at him. "Starlight," he starts, but the nickname makes you look away and cut him off.

"Why do you call me that?" Your voice is harsher than you meant it to be, but you can't help it. While all of this talking has been helpful for you, there is still that stupid voice in the back of your head screaming that the brothers had absolutely no interest in you or any of the things spilling from your mouth.

Moon lists his head to the side slightly, seemingly taken aback by your sudden change of pace. "I call all of the people we care about 'starlight,'" he says, and you feel your stomach drop.

So, they really didn't care about you like that?

It was always just a nickname. Programmed into him for the children. Probably just as "Sunbite" was for his solar opposite. Did that mean that they only saw you as another child to take care of? Because you can't do any of this on your own? Because you suck at taking care of yourself? Is that why you were here and he was consoling you? Because their programming won't allow for a crying child to go unnoticed?

Moon seems to recognize the look on your face being that of the beginnings of your negative spiral, so he instead whispers your name. You can't help the way that your heart still flutters at the sound of it, which only makes tears sting your eyes again as he speaks. "Life is about balance." He lifts his hands up, teetering them up and down to simulate a scale. "There will always be bad things that happen - to you, to your friends and family, and to strangers." One of his arms drops down lower while the other raises up. "Adding onto those bad things by speaking negatively to yourself and feeding into the bad thoughts will only continue to weigh you down. But if you begin to take care of yourself-" He brings his hands back to being level. "You'll start to feel like you can handle all of the bad. But you can only do that if you allow yourself time to offload those bad things."

You stare up into the unblinking red eyes of the lunar animatronic. Balance. Like the sun and the moon. One energetic and fast paced and loud. The other leisurely and soft spoken and gentle. Maybe Moon was right. You had been so focused on all of the good things happening recently that you assumed the bad things were all gone. But in actuality, you were just ignoring them.

Embarrassment makes you suddenly well aware of your compromising position with Moon, so you scramble down from his lap and hug your knees to your chest. "I guess I still have a lot to work on, huh?" you half-joke, looking at the pillows before you.

"Doesn't everyone?" Moon counters. "Speaking of work, I'm going to go back out to the children. Feel free to join me whenever you're ready, Starlight." And with that, he leaves the pillow fort, sticking you with your own thoughts in the deafening quiet of the tent.

You feel awful. Nothing really came from the last half hour besides a sad theory and the realization that you are still not okay. And after all of the things you've been doing, it was kind of hard to believe that you hadn't been okay this whole time. You felt okay the last few days, but then this?

You check the time on your Fazwatch and decide to head out of the tent to clock back in. You still have to read the booklet on your new responsibilities with the jesters, so you make sure to grab it before rejoining Moon. Hopefully you can take your mind off of all of the freshly reopened mind wounds by learning about your new responsibilities.

"Sun was telling me that you're our new handler," he says as soon as you sit down. You roll your eyes.

"I don't actually know if this is long term or if it's temporary. So don't get your hopes up," you admit, repeating the same thing you told his opposite earlier. You flip open the first page of the instruction booklet, which is actually an entire paper full of small-scale, neat font listing the terms of a rather lengthy disclaimer. A lot of 'if you die, you can't sue us' bullshit that you really didn't care about. So you flip to the next page and are surprised to be met with an actual table of contents.

The first chapter is a fairly easy read, showing you each part of the animatronic and the respective names and functions of said part. Moon seems slightly uncomfortable at the diagrams before you, shifting his eyes away from the booklet often as if grimacing. "You know, I can continue to read this at the desk, if you'd like?" you offer, using a finger to hold your place while shutting the booklet. He hesitates.

"Well, it's not so much that I don't like that you're reading it," he says, still avoiding looking in your direction. "It's just... embarrassing, I think?" His statement sounds more like a question with the uneasy quiver of his voice, so you smile up at him gently.

"I understand completely, Moon. I couldn't imagine how vulnerable this probably makes you feel, which is why I'm offering to read it later or back at the desk." Moon just shrugs in response, so you check the page number and set the booklet aside anyways.

The rest of the naptime routine goes by normally - or, as normally as it can given that you were mentally and emotionally exhausted because of your earlier breakdown. By the time you have to clock out for the end of your shift, you feel the physical effects of having emptied all of your pent up emotions, prompting Moon to send you off with strict instructions to rest once you arrived at home.

You didn't need him to tell you that. You were obviously going to crash out as soon as your body hit the bed.

*****

A/N: Hihiii :3 Okay, when I tell y'all that this chapter was incredibly hard to write, I mean it took two weeks for me to finish it. And I still kind of hate it lmaooo

But! That doesn't matter now, does it? It's here, and I hope y'all enjoyed it! I have some more ideas in world building that will give this story a bit more depth, but ehhh I don't know if I'll apply them this late into the story. We'll see, I guess.

Anyways, stay tuned because this is the cutoff point for kinda boring setup things heheh~ As always, likes, comments, kudos, and reposts are greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Stay sweet, my lovelies~

Taglist: @senyahgirl @rose-blot @sunyandmony (message me or comment to be added!)

#fnaf #fnaf au #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf dca #fnaf moon #fnaf sb #moondrop #fnaf sun #sundrop #daycare attendant #yandere #sun and moon x reader #sun x reader #moon x reader #yandere sundrop #yandere moondrop #yandere sun #yandere moon #kikiwritesfanfic

49 notes · View notes

cloveroctobers · 1 year

Text

bloodwar — JOEL MILLER

A/N: Y’all voted and so shall you receive! Im nervous writing for such a loved character but here goes nothing! If you’re not familiar with my work…I always provide the angst. You’ve been warned.

GIF BELONGS TO: @pedrohub

WARNINGS: I’m always writing my characters with black or POC in mind yet you’re somewhat welcome to imagine whomever as the character/reader is not fully described, fem! Reader, language, lightly paraphrased sexual themes, trauma/lost, & hints of a toxic!relationship the deeper I went into writing this thing. I do believe Joel can find some healthy love romantically but there’s things within himself that needs to be worked through. I am no therapist, I’m simply a girl who likes to make people feel some things with writing so I’ll stfu! Again this is my first time ever writing for this man so I was trying to get into the mind of his character as I wrote so don’t slander me too much if you feel this isn’t right. Lastly this focuses more on uncertainties? That’s it!

˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗

The bruises and Lambrusco weren’t enough for her to forget or to catch her off guard. She noticed him way off, through the fence and across what once would have been pretty pale blue water, turned murky and brown. Getting around that lake would take some time and that time was granted as she left the watch tower with her bow and arrow. The only reason she came down from the watch spot was to retrieve the mischievous lamb that loved to escape the barn.

“Got you, you little shit.” She scolded as the animal kept up the banter; while she scooped it up from underneath the belly.

Her senses then allowed her to hear footsteps before he spoke, “Do you?”

Tension filled her shoulders as she took a sharp inhale before she spun on her heels, revealing the lamb and her new weapon of choice.

“Joel Miller,” the name pushed through her lips, “can’t say it’s a pleasure to see you.”

The man scoffed, “that’s no way to treat the man of your dreams.”

A roll of her eyes was immediate, “you and I both know you weren’t serious.”

This much was true and if it were any other time and circumstance, the words probably would have stung as they left her mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” Joel muttered as he began to stare, which always irritated the woman.

“Can I help you with something or are you just gonna stand there being a creep with your beady owl-like eyes?”

Joel laughed to himself, almost liking that his presence was getting underneath her skin but also at the fact that she wanted to get right to the point.

“What? I can’t enjoy the view and the luxurious secluded home you’ve got for yourself here?” Joel attempted to tease but the woman didn’t appear to be in a joking mood.

Which the man didn’t bother to take offense to—even if he wanted to, he received the emotionless expression that remained on her oval face and assumed his own features showcased the same, although the little twinkle in inky eyes felt like he attempted to make the mood lighter.

It was her turn to trail her eyes over him and she could tell how much life passed him by. It had been years since she last saw Joel. Their history was shifty and rough from the beginning, since everyone was trying to get adjusted to the downfall of society—being thrown towards a new virus and death filled life it was safe to say, they got into some shit together to survive. They both were not as alone at the start since Joel had his brother Tommy, where they ventured from Austin to the east coast and on their way, they met a woman with no filter and her kind but no nonsense having father in Memphis. It was war from the very moment the Millers stepped onto the Lemelle’s riverboat but a truce between the families brought an unlikely path in their relationship. Eventually she, her father, Joel, and Tommy made it to Boston.

After the death of Kendy’s father, the realization that the QZ was not all it cracked up to be, she made the decision to leave first back in the year of 2010; in search of a place with no restrictions. Yet sharing that news with Joel that summer the sun burned down in almost a red hue and instead of just simply disappearing into the night without a word…was something she wished she would have done instead.

“Tommy or Maria sent you?” Her chin lifted in curiosity.

Joel exhaled, “I’m sure you know the answer to that already. I get the sense Maria and I are not gonna be the best of friends.”

“Whaaat? Don’t tell me you never wanted a sister?”

Joel just blinked at her, “fuck off, Kendy.”

“Hey you came to me,” her face held mock innocence, “what you see is what you damn get. Also mind you, I’m the one with the weapon.”

“Yet I’d probably get to that thing before you can even aim to shoot. Lamb chops sounds pretty darn good to me.” Joel warned but Kendy looked more offended than horrified.

The lamb seemed to tilt its head at Joel’s statement as well, floppy ears almost appearing alert.

Which was weird to witness…

“you sure about that grandpa?” Kendy cooed as she pulled her knee up to balance the weapon before adding, “what’s the matter, they’re not feeding you well out in Jackson?”

Joel scoffed and folded his arms as he peered out into the distance of Driggs, pretending to think about it. Of course the food was good, real good considering back in Boston the lbs for food were mostly scraps and back out into the destructive world with Ellie was way worse. Sure he stuffed his belly until it became bloated and uncomfortable but he didn’t want to get used to it, regardless of settling—staying—stationing? in Jackson.

There was no use in complaining about the way things are.

Joel was always about action.

“Why here?” Joel steered the conversation elsewhere, “You’re a great distance away from Wyoming.”

Kendy hummed, “forty-four minutes by car. Longer by foot, which is just fine by me.” Before carrying on, “Did you really expect me to be there too, waitin’ around?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Joel exasperated, “it’s a sense of community, belonging or whatever they’re trying to go for. Something that would have been good for you and—

Kendy almost stopped breathing, the gears turning in her head, thinking Joel was first hinting at some sort of relationship that wasn’t platonic with his brother, taking into consideration that the pair got along well, however the way he rubbed at his mouth in frustration told her his words were aiming at another topic.

“Ah, now I see why you felt obligated to be here. Trust me, I don’t need this.” Kendy hissed, turning back around to head to the barn.

Joel hesitated because part of him didn’t want to do this either…yet it’s been a long time coming. Thirteen years to be exact. He’s in a whole other state and he didn’t travel all this way, by himself (persuading Ellie to stay back with Tommy for at least a couple of days, was hard work and he expected the freckled face girl to find a way to keep close. However Joel didn’t miss how Ellie was starting to spend some time with a certain girl named, Dina.) to not get the answers he deserved.

“Trust?” Joel stomped after her, “I dunno how you want me to do that darlin’ when you’re the one who ran from me, knowing you were carrying a child. My child.”

She whipped back around, making Joel almost bump into her but she shoved him back with a fist pressed to his chest. Her eyes were heated as she met his stare, “it didn’t matter! I wasn’t your problem anymore, ‘good riddance,’ remember? You really think a child would have fixed what we were? We couldn’t get along if we weren’t on top of each other.”

“You still should have had the decency to tell me something. It’s not right how you did it. How I have to find this shit out from my baby brother but even still…he didn’t tell much. So you better start talking.” Joel glared, pointing a finger in Kendy’s face.

Kendy slapped his finger away, “I don’t know who you think you are, Joel Miller but you don’t get to show up here and make demands. This time, I won’t hesitate to put one right in your chest if you keep pushin’ me.”

“Will you put the damn lamb and arrow down, Robin Hood, so we can have a decent conversation?” Joel snorted, finding this image almost humorous, if his blood wasn’t simmering, “I can’t take you seriously.”

Kenny scoffed, “well you better! Seeing you again and talking to me crazy is making me want to go back to old Kendy.”

Joel deeply inhaled and pinched at the bridge of his straight but hooked nose. He was aware what that means, the whole shoot and ask questions later was what life was like at the start of the outbreak and it only increased once they crossed paths.

He still had a bald spot, that no form of nioxin would cure! thanks to the woman throwing an axe at the top of his head (it happened sometime in January of 2004, Joel remembered Tommy slipping on the ice on the boat floor, surprised the younger man didn’t catch that in their stealth—although it seemed he didn’t get much sleep before their arrival to the water. Which caused quite the commotion before the real physical events transpired) , temporarily trapping him against the door the minute he got close to where she was located on the boat. Joel recalled the burning sensation of his hair being ripped from his scalp as he yanked himself from the wall, axe still having a hold on his thick hair, as he struggled to pull the axe from the wooden door.

“And here I thought Jackson was all for redemption, guess Maria isn’t as convincing as she seems.” Joel mumbled.

Kendy gave him a blank stare for a moment before she replied, “not too much on Maria now. Yes she’s opinionated and we don’t always see eye to eye either but shes a great asset to that community and she makes your brother happy. So accept that or talk that shit out when you get back because I won’t continue to listen to anymore jabs you want to toss out while you’re here.”

Joel raised his brows, “you’re gonna let me stay?”

“It’s getting dark out and I’m guessing you left your car across the lake so…you can stay in the barn or the tower. Your choice.” Kendy decided while she entered the said barn.

Joel shook his head, “I’m not sleeping with the damn farm animals.”

“We’ve all slept in much worse places, don’t get uppity on me now, Miller.”

Joel crossed his arms, “You get a one star for hospitality, Ken’.”

“Which is exactly why I put my two weeks in after three days of working at this hotel during my college years so thanks, sugar.” Kendy clapped back, making Joel shake his head in disapproval but not surprised.

Joel watched as Kendy showed almost this nurturing demeanor with the lamb and sheep, silently wondering what she was like with their own child…that was still bizarre to process and Joel was unsure if he even processed this although he was standing face to face with the woman he created another being with! It had been days since he found out this piece of information and now he was trying to do something about it. When they were intimate with each other, Joel foolishly never thought of the possibility of Kendy becoming a mother. He never brought it up because he obviously had no intentions on being that ever again, or spoke much of their past lives once their bodies fell into each other’s hands. It was a after thought when she sat down on him, so warm and sturdy. He was cold, this he knew but falling in love was never in the cards for him, especially with the world crumbling with the little pieces it had left.

What he had left.

He’s seen Kendy and how she was tender to her father once he got sick, he knew Kendy still had soft parts inside of her despite the jagged scar that trailed from the corner of her left eye and down the apple of her cheek, the delicate was still there—just don’t tell her that.

Part of her found something to care for to keep going, even if it were deemed as little things or “nothing” at all in her eyes. Did that also include a child?

Which is why Joel battled with himself on seeking answers. He didn’t speak to Tommy for days after the curly haired man blurted out the secret Kendy withheld from the older Miller. Joel was the one who brought Kendy up, at the saloon one late night, after everything failed at the hospital with Ellie. It was hypocritical of him—sure—but this secret was way before Ellie had been a thought of being the cure.

Joel still wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting to get out of Kendy. The idea of becoming a father again, scared him shitless but he wouldn’t show it. Kendy didn’t create this child all by herself and they had to be grown now, however fatherhood was never a easy task and life after the outbreak was just as stressful; throw a fourteen year old into the mix and it was constant worry from there. He initially wanted to warn Tommy about this and actually deemed him a, “dummy,” for bringing a kid into this fucked up time, until tommy let the news slip from his lips when it really wasn’t his place.

Drops of rain were cool against the Idahoan spring before they started to pelt. Joel shielded the top of his head, standing at the entrance of the shelter as Kendy made her way through the barn, locking and boarding it up just in case she got any other visitors tonight.

“Come on,” Kendy waved the man to follow her to the back entrance of the craftsmanship home, just as the wind began to pick up.

Yanking the blinds down over the glass door, she made sure to lock it and set her bow down by the rest of the archery kit. Joel took the invitation as he scanned the home, straight ahead held an ajar door, he then walked through the small entry way on his left, noticing a set of stairs to the right and headed into the next area which held the kitchen and living room with two other window-framed doors that lead outside, suddenly peaking around for any other source of life.

“Where’s—

“Joel,” Kendy clipped, “take off your damp shoes, you’re tracking mud. Do you want some wine or coffee first before we tackle this, since you’re so adamant to talk?”

Joel peeled off his jacket and bag, before using the couch arm to kick off his shoes with his feet. He then held them up silently asking where he should put them and Kendy pointed at the front entrance door.

He then replied, “Coffee.”

“Black, no sugar and no cream.” Kendy whispered to herself as she went to the kitchen, fighting with her intrusive thoughts to tell him to make it his damn self.

Joel silently watched her for a moment before he headed over to the wood stove which seemed to be going already. His eyes still searched the walls for any pictures or sculptures just like Tommy and Maria had in their own home but the walls were empty besides it’s horrible aqua color.

His attention was brought back to Kendy, walking by him, reaching for the handle on the stove, opening it to reveal the fire behind. She squatted down, mitten reaching for the tray to place the mug right on top, before shoving it back over the center of the fire. She counted sixty seconds before pulling back out, closing the stove and moving back to the side table to place the black coffee down.

“Give it a few minutes,” Kendy told the man who dipped his head as he moved back to the spot he claimed on the sofa.

Kendy soon made her way around, taking a seat on the opposite couch, bottle of Lambrusco and wrapped herself in some fur blanket that probably belonged to one of her many sheep.

Sorry animal lovers, desperate times call for desperate measures and you’re supposed to help the sheep shed their fur from time to time!

Taking a swing from the bottle, Kendy deeply inhaled after swallowing before her eyes set back on Joel, “okay. Ask away but don’t ask to respond. Listen, or else we won’t get far tonight.”

Joel rubbed at his pants legs, hearing Kendy and decided to not pick that response apart.

“…when did you know?”

“Not long after you and Tess.”

Which happened once after they both had too much to drink and Kendy wasn’t in the mood.

Believe me, Joel’s knows how shitty that was, he was the one who lived it.

“There was no Tess and I.” Joel uttered, not getting the chance to further explain that relationship but they were friends who spent time together as smugglers.

There was chemistry there regardless.

“So just like us, got it.” Kendy snapped her fingers, breezing over that as she ordered, “Next question.”

Joel scratched at his salt and pepper beard, “was the…baby also the reason why you wanted to leave? Did you think I’d ever find out?”

“A small part of it yes. We already know what the main reason was: Boston’s QZ was becoming dangerous and suffocating just staying there, I needed to get out whether you knew i was carrying or not.” Kendy answered, taking another sip from the bottle.

Joel could understand that but he figured it wasn’t any easier being out there on your own especially with a life growing inside of you, her elderly father was deceased and Tommy was debating on another trip out (with the damn fireflies and Joel wasn’t sure which pissed him off more!) ; although they shared hushed conversations about their exit…part of Joel still didn’t understand why she put herself through that on her own.

“Well how did that work out for you?”

Kendy let out a humorless laugh at the sarcasm that radiated off Joel, pulling one leg up onto the couch, “just dandy. I’m living the dream with my sheep and this eye-blinding house.”

Alone.

He breathed out a laugh through his nose, mind fuzzy, heart not feeling as steady as it should as he fidgeted with his hands. Before he got the next question out, he turned to grip the mug by the handle and brought it to his lips. The steam mists his nostrils as he took a sip of the coffee, the heat not bothering him in the slightest while the dark liquid slid straight to his stomach, igniting the impulse to see some action.

“Was Idaho the place you envisioned to raise the kid?”

Kendy closed her eyes briefly as she said, “No. I didn’t see myself as a mother because I didn’t have much of one in my life. It wasn’t really a goal of mine. I stayed in Pennsylvania for awhile, three months maybe? made a friend that was once in the medical field and thankfully she helped me through it all.”

“She helped you deliver and then what?” He pried.

Joel rested his elbows on his knees, eyes set on the woman not so far from him this time. He felt the shift in the room rising as he continued to ask whatever popped into his head. He noticed the woman rack her nails against the black bottle, plump bottom lip with a beauty mark on it moving to the right as she bit down on it out of habit.

This was something she commonly did, Joel remembered that.

“Joel…it’s been thirteen years.” Kendy averred, “I couldn’t do it.”

Joel tried to keep his breathing steady, “meaning what? You got rid of it? Let this friend take care of them…what Kendy?”

He was never a man with patience.

And Kendy had time to cope with this.

So instead she got to her feet, holding the neck of the bottle to place on the coffee table before she set her eyes back on Joel. He leg began to bounce as it seemed Kendy was almost playing a game with his mind right now. A frown of his brows appeared in between them while she began to unbutton her jeans, pulling them down some and yanking up her shirt to reveal a scar underneath her navel.

“It was a ectopic pregnancy. I needed surgery, I was bleeding out and Kristi did what she had to do. I almost died and I kinda wished I did, along with that baby. And finally away from all this shit.” Kendy vented.

Joel felt a smidge of bile rising in this throat but taking another swing of coffee pushed it back down. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel, or if there was a right way to feel.

“So…this was for nothing then.”

Kendy blinked, “what?”

“Coming out here, seeing you, and almost having wishful thinking when you killed the baby that you originally didn’t want and I wasn’t sure I even wanted.” Joel told, placing the mug back on the table.

Kendy couldn’t help the cackle that escaped her lips. She had to press her fingertips to her lips as she pointed her pointer finger up and down at the man.

“Nothing’s really changed with you and this is the exact reason why I should have put an arrow right through your chest where your heart is supposed to be,” Kendy seethed, “you’re a very broken person with no ounce of mercy. I saw it in your eyes the day I met you and I should have believed that then.”

“If that was true then you’d already be dead, back in Memphis, on that boat. So don’t stand there and try and tell me who you think I am.” Joel lowly stated.

Kendy huffed, pulling her jeans back up her wide hips and buttoning them before raising her hands, “why not when you’ve already shown me exactly that? You’ve never given a damn about me and certainly wouldn’t give a damn if the baby lived! Nobody compares to—

“Shut up! You don’t get to speak her name!” Joel was also on his feet now, absolutely aware what wanted to leave her lips.

The room was quiet for a mere second, besides the crackle of fire in the wood stove and the dash of rain outside.

Kendy tilted her head to the side, framed piece of hair sliding to cling to her eyelash, “Sarah.”

And that set Joel off, a forearm going to Kendy’s throat and his hand slapping against her mouth. He harshly breathed into Kendy’s face as he glared down at her. The rings of bags underneath her eyes showed just how tired he felt. He’s never spoken to Kendy about Sarah but it didn’t take her long to figure it out with his nightmares when they slept in the same space, going city to city.

Tommy only implied that he and Joel lost someone prior to their role of survival and Joel’s said her name a few times in his sleep.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Joel gritted, “you think I haven’t changed when it’s you who hasn’t. You’re a know it all without actually knowing anything. You run any chance you get, always thinking about what’s best solely for you and nobody else. What a lonely life, don’t you think?”

A fist went to the side of his neck first, catching the man off guard, followed by a knee going up into his abdomen, leaving Joel fighting to catch his breath. He let go of Kendy who circled around and crouched to get into Joel’s face.

“Why would I stay? Imagine me having a normal pregnancy in my forties and having a child with a screwed up man that can’t love? Or doesn’t even like me enough? I’d say I dodged a bullet here and I thank god.” She rested a hand on his shoulder, using her other to bring the cross around her neck to kiss with a wicked smile.

Once Joel got his breath back, with the quickness, he swooped his arm underneath Kendy’s, locking her in his hold as he yanked her side to his chest by the shoulder. Kendy winced as she tried to spin her body out of his hold and when he wouldn’t let go, she tried to ram her shoulder into him but with his grip, he merely stumbled.

“Get off me!�� Kendy yelled, ready to jam her foot right into Joel’s.

He kept hold of her shoulder, knowing it wasn’t at its strongest, even after all these years, hearing it click from scar tissue as he freed one hand to grip the side of her head, bringing her ear to his lips.

“If I didn’t like you…I wouldn’t have followed you that night to make sure you made it to Connecticut’s state line back then, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have accidentally called Tess your name once while looking at her but not really seeing her, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t picture you when I touch myself, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have numbed myself out of missing you since you left, I wouldn’t have asked Tommy about you, and I damn sure wouldn’t have thought about you and I with Ellie, the kid, and Sar—on the ride here. like I said, you don’t know.” He then shoved Kendy away from him.

Kendy felt a lump in her throat at Joel saying this. Sure these were his words and it sounded nice, although she didn’t know who this Ellie person was but that didn’t mean he never hurt her and with his back to her now, she tugged on his belt loops, getting him to face her again. She wasted no time, moving her hands to grip the collar of his long-sleeve shirt to bring his lips right to her’s.

Joel hesitated feeling Kendy’s lips against his after all this time. It wasn’t unfamiliar so he was only shook for a second before the desperation settled in. His hands rested on her cheek, then down to her backside, then back up to her cheek, the pad of his thumb touching where her jagged scar ended and the other on the back of her coarse hair.

He tasted the Lambrusco, she tasted his precariousness, his left ear rung as the tip of her tongue traces his bottom lip, and he lets out a groan as a form of a unsaid apology. Until Kendy nipped his bottom lip—hard to the point she drew blood and Joel had to pull back to test his theory.

“Did you just—

Kendy deeply inhaled and exhaled with her lips raw and puffed from the pressure, “I want you gone by the fucking morning, Joel.”

He wiped the blood with his thumb as he watched the woman move around him, snatching up the wine before she made her exit.

Snorting he shook his head at her retreating form and moved to take a seat back on the couch with a exhale. This is what it used to feel like with Kendy leaving his sight after whatever interaction they had but this time felt a little different. There was no way in hell he could say this was a new beginning. He stared up at the ceiling in thought, quite conscious how this all played out and that this was a trial and error—when wasn’t it with the two? However this battle was not something he wanted to entirely give up on just yet.

Not anymore.

He had the time to get it right and part of him wanted to with Kendy.

And if they couldn’t…it’ll be a fair one this time.

No it didn’t make any sense and no this probably wasn’t the healthiest of relationships but Joel was never perfect, the flaws: scars, the bruises that were black, blue and sore, and the blood were okay with him as long as he was doing it with Kendy, he never wanted perfect.

Perhaps fighting, getting it all out into the open field was the answer and you can ask anybody: when has Joel Miller ever been afraid of getting his hands dirty?

And so he sat in the quiet with Kendy upstairs in her bedroom lost in her own thoughts, her back against the door when a crooked grin appeared on his own lips.

Here’s to additionally another round with Kendy Lemelle!

But…Who’s counting?

˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗ ˗ˏˋ╰┈➤ ´ˎ˗

Continue along with my spring anthology series here.

51 notes · View notes