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cloveroctobers · 1 year

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bloodwar — JOEL MILLER

A/N: Y’all voted and so shall you receive! Im nervous writing for such a loved character but here goes nothing! If you’re not familiar with my work…I always provide the angst. You’ve been warned.

GIF BELONGS TO: @pedrohub

WARNINGS: I’m always writing my characters with black or POC in mind yet you’re somewhat welcome to imagine whomever as the character/reader is not fully described, fem! Reader, language, lightly paraphrased sexual themes, trauma/lost, & hints of a toxic!relationship the deeper I went into writing this thing. I do believe Joel can find some healthy love romantically but there’s things within himself that needs to be worked through. I am no therapist, I’m simply a girl who likes to make people feel some things with writing so I’ll stfu! Again this is my first time ever writing for this man so I was trying to get into the mind of his character as I wrote so don’t slander me too much if you feel this isn’t right. Lastly this focuses more on uncertainties? That’s it!

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The bruises and Lambrusco weren’t enough for her to forget or to catch her off guard. She noticed him way off, through the fence and across what once would have been pretty pale blue water, turned murky and brown. Getting around that lake would take some time and that time was granted as she left the watch tower with her bow and arrow. The only reason she came down from the watch spot was to retrieve the mischievous lamb that loved to escape the barn.

“Got you, you little shit.” She scolded as the animal kept up the banter; while she scooped it up from underneath the belly.

Her senses then allowed her to hear footsteps before he spoke, “Do you?”

Tension filled her shoulders as she took a sharp inhale before she spun on her heels, revealing the lamb and her new weapon of choice.

“Joel Miller,” the name pushed through her lips, “can’t say it’s a pleasure to see you.”

The man scoffed, “that’s no way to treat the man of your dreams.”

A roll of her eyes was immediate, “you and I both know you weren’t serious.”

This much was true and if it were any other time and circumstance, the words probably would have stung as they left her mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right about that.” Joel muttered as he began to stare, which always irritated the woman.

“Can I help you with something or are you just gonna stand there being a creep with your beady owl-like eyes?”

Joel laughed to himself, almost liking that his presence was getting underneath her skin but also at the fact that she wanted to get right to the point.

“What? I can’t enjoy the view and the luxurious secluded home you’ve got for yourself here?” Joel attempted to tease but the woman didn’t appear to be in a joking mood.

Which the man didn’t bother to take offense to—even if he wanted to, he received the emotionless expression that remained on her oval face and assumed his own features showcased the same, although the little twinkle in inky eyes felt like he attempted to make the mood lighter.

It was her turn to trail her eyes over him and she could tell how much life passed him by. It had been years since she last saw Joel. Their history was shifty and rough from the beginning, since everyone was trying to get adjusted to the downfall of society—being thrown towards a new virus and death filled life it was safe to say, they got into some shit together to survive. They both were not as alone at the start since Joel had his brother Tommy, where they ventured from Austin to the east coast and on their way, they met a woman with no filter and her kind but no nonsense having father in Memphis. It was war from the very moment the Millers stepped onto the Lemelle’s riverboat but a truce between the families brought an unlikely path in their relationship. Eventually she, her father, Joel, and Tommy made it to Boston.

After the death of Kendy’s father, the realization that the QZ was not all it cracked up to be, she made the decision to leave first back in the year of 2010; in search of a place with no restrictions. Yet sharing that news with Joel that summer the sun burned down in almost a red hue and instead of just simply disappearing into the night without a word…was something she wished she would have done instead.

“Tommy or Maria sent you?” Her chin lifted in curiosity.

Joel exhaled, “I’m sure you know the answer to that already. I get the sense Maria and I are not gonna be the best of friends.”

“Whaaat? Don’t tell me you never wanted a sister?”

Joel just blinked at her, “fuck off, Kendy.”

“Hey you came to me,” her face held mock innocence, “what you see is what you damn get. Also mind you, I’m the one with the weapon.”

“Yet I’d probably get to that thing before you can even aim to shoot. Lamb chops sounds pretty darn good to me.” Joel warned but Kendy looked more offended than horrified.

The lamb seemed to tilt its head at Joel’s statement as well, floppy ears almost appearing alert.

Which was weird to witness…

“you sure about that grandpa?” Kendy cooed as she pulled her knee up to balance the weapon before adding, “what’s the matter, they’re not feeding you well out in Jackson?”

Joel scoffed and folded his arms as he peered out into the distance of Driggs, pretending to think about it. Of course the food was good, real good considering back in Boston the lbs for food were mostly scraps and back out into the destructive world with Ellie was way worse. Sure he stuffed his belly until it became bloated and uncomfortable but he didn’t want to get used to it, regardless of settling—staying—stationing? in Jackson.

There was no use in complaining about the way things are.

Joel was always about action.

“Why here?” Joel steered the conversation elsewhere, “You’re a great distance away from Wyoming.”

Kendy hummed, “forty-four minutes by car. Longer by foot, which is just fine by me.” Before carrying on, “Did you really expect me to be there too, waitin’ around?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Joel exasperated, “it’s a sense of community, belonging or whatever they’re trying to go for. Something that would have been good for you and—

Kendy almost stopped breathing, the gears turning in her head, thinking Joel was first hinting at some sort of relationship that wasn’t platonic with his brother, taking into consideration that the pair got along well, however the way he rubbed at his mouth in frustration told her his words were aiming at another topic.

“Ah, now I see why you felt obligated to be here. Trust me, I don’t need this.” Kendy hissed, turning back around to head to the barn.

Joel hesitated because part of him didn’t want to do this either…yet it’s been a long time coming. Thirteen years to be exact. He’s in a whole other state and he didn’t travel all this way, by himself (persuading Ellie to stay back with Tommy for at least a couple of days, was hard work and he expected the freckled face girl to find a way to keep close. However Joel didn’t miss how Ellie was starting to spend some time with a certain girl named, Dina.) to not get the answers he deserved.

“Trust?” Joel stomped after her, “I dunno how you want me to do that darlin’ when you’re the one who ran from me, knowing you were carrying a child. My child.”

She whipped back around, making Joel almost bump into her but she shoved him back with a fist pressed to his chest. Her eyes were heated as she met his stare, “it didn’t matter! I wasn’t your problem anymore, ‘good riddance,’ remember? You really think a child would have fixed what we were? We couldn’t get along if we weren’t on top of each other.”

“You still should have had the decency to tell me something. It’s not right how you did it. How I have to find this shit out from my baby brother but even still…he didn’t tell much. So you better start talking.” Joel glared, pointing a finger in Kendy’s face.

Kendy slapped his finger away, “I don’t know who you think you are, Joel Miller but you don’t get to show up here and make demands. This time, I won’t hesitate to put one right in your chest if you keep pushin’ me.”

“Will you put the damn lamb and arrow down, Robin Hood, so we can have a decent conversation?” Joel snorted, finding this image almost humorous, if his blood wasn’t simmering, “I can’t take you seriously.”

Kenny scoffed, “well you better! Seeing you again and talking to me crazy is making me want to go back to old Kendy.”

Joel deeply inhaled and pinched at the bridge of his straight but hooked nose. He was aware what that means, the whole shoot and ask questions later was what life was like at the start of the outbreak and it only increased once they crossed paths.

He still had a bald spot, that no form of nioxin would cure! thanks to the woman throwing an axe at the top of his head (it happened sometime in January of 2004, Joel remembered Tommy slipping on the ice on the boat floor, surprised the younger man didn’t catch that in their stealth—although it seemed he didn’t get much sleep before their arrival to the water. Which caused quite the commotion before the real physical events transpired) , temporarily trapping him against the door the minute he got close to where she was located on the boat. Joel recalled the burning sensation of his hair being ripped from his scalp as he yanked himself from the wall, axe still having a hold on his thick hair, as he struggled to pull the axe from the wooden door.

“And here I thought Jackson was all for redemption, guess Maria isn’t as convincing as she seems.” Joel mumbled.

Kendy gave him a blank stare for a moment before she replied, “not too much on Maria now. Yes she’s opinionated and we don’t always see eye to eye either but shes a great asset to that community and she makes your brother happy. So accept that or talk that shit out when you get back because I won’t continue to listen to anymore jabs you want to toss out while you’re here.”

Joel raised his brows, “you’re gonna let me stay?”

“It’s getting dark out and I’m guessing you left your car across the lake so…you can stay in the barn or the tower. Your choice.” Kendy decided while she entered the said barn.

Joel shook his head, “I’m not sleeping with the damn farm animals.”

“We’ve all slept in much worse places, don’t get uppity on me now, Miller.”

Joel crossed his arms, “You get a one star for hospitality, Ken’.”

“Which is exactly why I put my two weeks in after three days of working at this hotel during my college years so thanks, sugar.” Kendy clapped back, making Joel shake his head in disapproval but not surprised.

Joel watched as Kendy showed almost this nurturing demeanor with the lamb and sheep, silently wondering what she was like with their own child…that was still bizarre to process and Joel was unsure if he even processed this although he was standing face to face with the woman he created another being with! It had been days since he found out this piece of information and now he was trying to do something about it. When they were intimate with each other, Joel foolishly never thought of the possibility of Kendy becoming a mother. He never brought it up because he obviously had no intentions on being that ever again, or spoke much of their past lives once their bodies fell into each other’s hands. It was a after thought when she sat down on him, so warm and sturdy. He was cold, this he knew but falling in love was never in the cards for him, especially with the world crumbling with the little pieces it had left.

What he had left.

He’s seen Kendy and how she was tender to her father once he got sick, he knew Kendy still had soft parts inside of her despite the jagged scar that trailed from the corner of her left eye and down the apple of her cheek, the delicate was still there—just don’t tell her that.

Part of her found something to care for to keep going, even if it were deemed as little things or “nothing” at all in her eyes. Did that also include a child?

Which is why Joel battled with himself on seeking answers. He didn’t speak to Tommy for days after the curly haired man blurted out the secret Kendy withheld from the older Miller. Joel was the one who brought Kendy up, at the saloon one late night, after everything failed at the hospital with Ellie. It was hypocritical of him—sure—but this secret was way before Ellie had been a thought of being the cure.

Joel still wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting to get out of Kendy. The idea of becoming a father again, scared him shitless but he wouldn’t show it. Kendy didn’t create this child all by herself and they had to be grown now, however fatherhood was never a easy task and life after the outbreak was just as stressful; throw a fourteen year old into the mix and it was constant worry from there. He initially wanted to warn Tommy about this and actually deemed him a, “dummy,” for bringing a kid into this fucked up time, until tommy let the news slip from his lips when it really wasn’t his place.

Drops of rain were cool against the Idahoan spring before they started to pelt. Joel shielded the top of his head, standing at the entrance of the shelter as Kendy made her way through the barn, locking and boarding it up just in case she got any other visitors tonight.

“Come on,” Kendy waved the man to follow her to the back entrance of the craftsmanship home, just as the wind began to pick up.

Yanking the blinds down over the glass door, she made sure to lock it and set her bow down by the rest of the archery kit. Joel took the invitation as he scanned the home, straight ahead held an ajar door, he then walked through the small entry way on his left, noticing a set of stairs to the right and headed into the next area which held the kitchen and living room with two other window-framed doors that lead outside, suddenly peaking around for any other source of life.

“Where’s—

“Joel,” Kendy clipped, “take off your damp shoes, you’re tracking mud. Do you want some wine or coffee first before we tackle this, since you’re so adamant to talk?”

Joel peeled off his jacket and bag, before using the couch arm to kick off his shoes with his feet. He then held them up silently asking where he should put them and Kendy pointed at the front entrance door.

He then replied, “Coffee.”

“Black, no sugar and no cream.” Kendy whispered to herself as she went to the kitchen, fighting with her intrusive thoughts to tell him to make it his damn self.

Joel silently watched her for a moment before he headed over to the wood stove which seemed to be going already. His eyes still searched the walls for any pictures or sculptures just like Tommy and Maria had in their own home but the walls were empty besides it’s horrible aqua color.

His attention was brought back to Kendy, walking by him, reaching for the handle on the stove, opening it to reveal the fire behind. She squatted down, mitten reaching for the tray to place the mug right on top, before shoving it back over the center of the fire. She counted sixty seconds before pulling back out, closing the stove and moving back to the side table to place the black coffee down.

“Give it a few minutes,” Kendy told the man who dipped his head as he moved back to the spot he claimed on the sofa.

Kendy soon made her way around, taking a seat on the opposite couch, bottle of Lambrusco and wrapped herself in some fur blanket that probably belonged to one of her many sheep.

Sorry animal lovers, desperate times call for desperate measures and you’re supposed to help the sheep shed their fur from time to time!

Taking a swing from the bottle, Kendy deeply inhaled after swallowing before her eyes set back on Joel, “okay. Ask away but don’t ask to respond. Listen, or else we won’t get far tonight.”

Joel rubbed at his pants legs, hearing Kendy and decided to not pick that response apart.

“…when did you know?”

“Not long after you and Tess.”

Which happened once after they both had too much to drink and Kendy wasn’t in the mood.

Believe me, Joel’s knows how shitty that was, he was the one who lived it.

“There was no Tess and I.” Joel uttered, not getting the chance to further explain that relationship but they were friends who spent time together as smugglers.

There was chemistry there regardless.

“So just like us, got it.” Kendy snapped her fingers, breezing over that as she ordered, “Next question.”

Joel scratched at his salt and pepper beard, “was the…baby also the reason why you wanted to leave? Did you think I’d ever find out?”

“A small part of it yes. We already know what the main reason was: Boston’s QZ was becoming dangerous and suffocating just staying there, I needed to get out whether you knew i was carrying or not.” Kendy answered, taking another sip from the bottle.

Joel could understand that but he figured it wasn’t any easier being out there on your own especially with a life growing inside of you, her elderly father was deceased and Tommy was debating on another trip out (with the damn fireflies and Joel wasn’t sure which pissed him off more!) ; although they shared hushed conversations about their exit…part of Joel still didn’t understand why she put herself through that on her own.

“Well how did that work out for you?”

Kendy let out a humorless laugh at the sarcasm that radiated off Joel, pulling one leg up onto the couch, “just dandy. I’m living the dream with my sheep and this eye-blinding house.”

Alone.

He breathed out a laugh through his nose, mind fuzzy, heart not feeling as steady as it should as he fidgeted with his hands. Before he got the next question out, he turned to grip the mug by the handle and brought it to his lips. The steam mists his nostrils as he took a sip of the coffee, the heat not bothering him in the slightest while the dark liquid slid straight to his stomach, igniting the impulse to see some action.

“Was Idaho the place you envisioned to raise the kid?”

Kendy closed her eyes briefly as she said, “No. I didn’t see myself as a mother because I didn’t have much of one in my life. It wasn’t really a goal of mine. I stayed in Pennsylvania for awhile, three months maybe? made a friend that was once in the medical field and thankfully she helped me through it all.”

“She helped you deliver and then what?” He pried.

Joel rested his elbows on his knees, eyes set on the woman not so far from him this time. He felt the shift in the room rising as he continued to ask whatever popped into his head. He noticed the woman rack her nails against the black bottle, plump bottom lip with a beauty mark on it moving to the right as she bit down on it out of habit.

This was something she commonly did, Joel remembered that.

“Joel…it’s been thirteen years.” Kendy averred, “I couldn’t do it.”

Joel tried to keep his breathing steady, “meaning what? You got rid of it? Let this friend take care of them…what Kendy?”

He was never a man with patience.

And Kendy had time to cope with this.

So instead she got to her feet, holding the neck of the bottle to place on the coffee table before she set her eyes back on Joel. He leg began to bounce as it seemed Kendy was almost playing a game with his mind right now. A frown of his brows appeared in between them while she began to unbutton her jeans, pulling them down some and yanking up her shirt to reveal a scar underneath her navel.

“It was a ectopic pregnancy. I needed surgery, I was bleeding out and Kristi did what she had to do. I almost died and I kinda wished I did, along with that baby. And finally away from all this shit.” Kendy vented.

Joel felt a smidge of bile rising in this throat but taking another swing of coffee pushed it back down. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel, or if there was a right way to feel.

“So…this was for nothing then.”

Kendy blinked, “what?”

“Coming out here, seeing you, and almost having wishful thinking when you killed the baby that you originally didn’t want and I wasn’t sure I even wanted.” Joel told, placing the mug back on the table.

Kendy couldn’t help the cackle that escaped her lips. She had to press her fingertips to her lips as she pointed her pointer finger up and down at the man.

“Nothing’s really changed with you and this is the exact reason why I should have put an arrow right through your chest where your heart is supposed to be,” Kendy seethed, “you’re a very broken person with no ounce of mercy. I saw it in your eyes the day I met you and I should have believed that then.”

“If that was true then you’d already be dead, back in Memphis, on that boat. So don’t stand there and try and tell me who you think I am.” Joel lowly stated.

Kendy huffed, pulling her jeans back up her wide hips and buttoning them before raising her hands, “why not when you’ve already shown me exactly that? You’ve never given a damn about me and certainly wouldn’t give a damn if the baby lived! Nobody compares to—

“Shut up! You don’t get to speak her name!” Joel was also on his feet now, absolutely aware what wanted to leave her lips.

The room was quiet for a mere second, besides the crackle of fire in the wood stove and the dash of rain outside.

Kendy tilted her head to the side, framed piece of hair sliding to cling to her eyelash, “Sarah.”

And that set Joel off, a forearm going to Kendy’s throat and his hand slapping against her mouth. He harshly breathed into Kendy’s face as he glared down at her. The rings of bags underneath her eyes showed just how tired he felt. He’s never spoken to Kendy about Sarah but it didn’t take her long to figure it out with his nightmares when they slept in the same space, going city to city.

Tommy only implied that he and Joel lost someone prior to their role of survival and Joel’s said her name a few times in his sleep.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Joel gritted, “you think I haven’t changed when it’s you who hasn’t. You’re a know it all without actually knowing anything. You run any chance you get, always thinking about what’s best solely for you and nobody else. What a lonely life, don’t you think?”

A fist went to the side of his neck first, catching the man off guard, followed by a knee going up into his abdomen, leaving Joel fighting to catch his breath. He let go of Kendy who circled around and crouched to get into Joel’s face.

“Why would I stay? Imagine me having a normal pregnancy in my forties and having a child with a screwed up man that can’t love? Or doesn’t even like me enough? I’d say I dodged a bullet here and I thank god.” She rested a hand on his shoulder, using her other to bring the cross around her neck to kiss with a wicked smile.

Once Joel got his breath back, with the quickness, he swooped his arm underneath Kendy’s, locking her in his hold as he yanked her side to his chest by the shoulder. Kendy winced as she tried to spin her body out of his hold and when he wouldn’t let go, she tried to ram her shoulder into him but with his grip, he merely stumbled.

“Get off me!” Kendy yelled, ready to jam her foot right into Joel’s.

He kept hold of her shoulder, knowing it wasn’t at its strongest, even after all these years, hearing it click from scar tissue as he freed one hand to grip the side of her head, bringing her ear to his lips.

“If I didn’t like you…I wouldn’t have followed you that night to make sure you made it to Connecticut’s state line back then, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have accidentally called Tess your name once while looking at her but not really seeing her, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t picture you when I touch myself, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have numbed myself out of missing you since you left, I wouldn’t have asked Tommy about you, and I damn sure wouldn’t have thought about you and I with Ellie, the kid, and Sar—on the ride here. like I said, you don’t know.” He then shoved Kendy away from him.

Kendy felt a lump in her throat at Joel saying this. Sure these were his words and it sounded nice, although she didn’t know who this Ellie person was but that didn’t mean he never hurt her and with his back to her now, she tugged on his belt loops, getting him to face her again. She wasted no time, moving her hands to grip the collar of his long-sleeve shirt to bring his lips right to her’s.

Joel hesitated feeling Kendy’s lips against his after all this time. It wasn’t unfamiliar so he was only shook for a second before the desperation settled in. His hands rested on her cheek, then down to her backside, then back up to her cheek, the pad of his thumb touching where her jagged scar ended and the other on the back of her coarse hair.

He tasted the Lambrusco, she tasted his precariousness, his left ear rung as the tip of her tongue traces his bottom lip, and he lets out a groan as a form of a unsaid apology. Until Kendy nipped his bottom lip—hard to the point she drew blood and Joel had to pull back to test his theory.

“Did you just—

Kendy deeply inhaled and exhaled with her lips raw and puffed from the pressure, “I want you gone by the fucking morning, Joel.”

He wiped the blood with his thumb as he watched the woman move around him, snatching up the wine before she made her exit.

Snorting he shook his head at her retreating form and moved to take a seat back on the couch with a exhale. This is what it used to feel like with Kendy leaving his sight after whatever interaction they had but this time felt a little different. There was no way in hell he could say this was a new beginning. He stared up at the ceiling in thought, quite conscious how this all played out and that this was a trial and error—when wasn’t it with the two? However this battle was not something he wanted to entirely give up on just yet.

Not anymore.

He had the time to get it right and part of him wanted to with Kendy.

And if they couldn’t…it’ll be a fair one this time.

No it didn’t make any sense and no this probably wasn’t the healthiest of relationships but Joel was never perfect, the flaws: scars, the bruises that were black, blue and sore, and the blood were okay with him as long as he was doing it with Kendy, he never wanted perfect.

Perhaps fighting, getting it all out into the open field was the answer and you can ask anybody: when has Joel Miller ever been afraid of getting his hands dirty?

And so he sat in the quiet with Kendy upstairs in her bedroom lost in her own thoughts, her back against the door when a crooked grin appeared on his own lips.

Here’s to additionally another round with Kendy Lemelle!

But…Who’s counting?

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Continue along with my spring anthology series here.

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mariatesstruther · 3 months

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okay just hear me out modern au where tommy ends up picking up ellie from pre school almost everyday since joel is busy but he keeps meeting teacher maria

okay bestie as a preschool teacher you GOT me with this one. like you got me SO GOOD. this might actually get published to ao3, you got me soooo fuckin’ good right now. i have so many unnecessary details for such a simple plot so here’s a cut

tbh i feel like even as busy as joel is, he’d prioritize picking up and dropping of sarah as much as he can, so maybe he and tommy would alternate???? so on days when tommy drops off, joel picks up and when joel drops off, tommy picks up. sarah goes to a public preschool with a lot of kids, so she gets easily overwhelmed and sometimes needs extra cuddles or kind words in the mornings to make it out of the car.

one monday, a couple months into school, sarah is particularly VERY anxious because there’s a new teacher to replace ms. doherty, who quit unexpectedly on friday “because she said we gave her alooooottt of headaches, daddy.” now, sarah knows nothing about the new teacher except that shes a girl from a place called new york—and sarah doesn’t even know what new yawk IS like, thats So Far Away??? (“it’s not really that far, baby,” joel says to her. “and it’s new york. with an o sound.”) still, sarah is VERY concerned:

is new yawk like another planet???? (no, babygirl.) but what if she’s an alien???? (the school only hires human teachers, baby. they promised.) but what if she’s a SECRET alien??? (she won’t be, i promise.) okay but what if she’s mean???? (if she is, you tell me or tommy and we’ll talk to her about it, okay? she shouldn’t be mean to you.) what if she doesn’t play good music at quiet time???? (you can ask her nicely and i bet she will, baby. just say please and thank you, okay?)

still, even with her questions answered, sarah is very nervous on monday. both joel and tommy go with her in an effort to start her day off extra good, especially because joel can’t pick her up. they reassure her that new york has plenty of nice people and her new teacher will probably be one of them. she also gets TWO WHOLE extra minutes of cuddle time with BOTH of them before she and daddy have to leave the car—it’s half for her and half for them, because they’re honestly pretty anxious for her to like her new teacher too

joel is the one to hold sarah’s hand and walk her inside, because the school prefers only one guardian to drop off at a time. tommy’s nervous, but joel actually seems pretty pleased when he gets back to the car with no sarah in tow. surprisingly, he’s back faster than any time they’ve ever dropped sarah off before. with a proud smile, he tells tommy is that miss maria seems really nice. more importantly, she’s Black, which joel says Sarah got really excited about. tommy pries for more details, and he’s glad he does: apparently miss maria has locs, a few even blue and purple, and the first thing sarah’d said to her was an emphatic “😲😍🤩 i like your hair!!!!!!!!,” to which she had responded “thank you! i like your hair! what’s your name, sweets?” and that’d been that

later, when tommy does pickup that day, he doesn’t know what to expect. most times at the end of the day, sarah is super reserved and a bit cranky, eager to get home to finally have time to herself. tommy’s goal is usually to try and get her to at least wave goodbye to her teachers like joel asks—but, more often than not, she opts for reaching for uppies and hiding her face in his chest until they leave.

today??? no. it takes sarah a full two minutes to even notice tommy’s there because her and this drop-dead-fucking-gorgeous woman in a soft-looking lavender pants and blouse set are finishing up a painting at the easel wall. they’re working on what looks like a brown and purple butterfly, probably the most carefully shaped sarah’s ever made.

tommy’s heart stops when this goddess miss maria finally looks over at him and smiles with perfect pearly-whites, waving him over behind sarah’s back. when she says “sarah honey, i think someone’s here for you!” in her sing-songy toddler-tone, tommy swears an angel gets his wings. sarah turns around, shrieks with joy upon seeing him, and runs down to him with her arms out, yelling all the while: “THOMMYYYYYYY!!!!!”—because sarah’s still working on her hard ts—“thommy!!!! thommy thommy thommy come look!!! i made a butterfly for u!!!!! look!!!!! it matches ms. maria!!!!!! it’s gorgeous!!!!” (she’s been obsessed with calling things gorgeous ever since she heard tommy say it about a harley motorbike last week. joel especially thinks it’s cute, especially because of how she over-emphasizes the j-sound: gor-Jus.)

tommy’s never seen her so excited to show her art off at pickup-time before; usually, she waits until they’re home and she’s feeling less shy to start showing off, but she’s babbling and pointing to it as he picks her up and sets her on his hip: “it’s brown and purple like miss maria!!! isnt it so gorgeous, unca thommy??? do you like it???? aren’t they SO gorgeous????”

and now miss maria is looking at him. and he’s looking at her. tommy knows he’s blushing, and he hesitates—which sarah does NOT appreciate, so she says: “unca tommy!!!!!!! don’t be WUDE! thell miss maria she’s gorgeous!!! she is!!!”

luckily, miss maria saves him by explaining, in a slightly firmer teaching voice: “sarah sweets, that’s okay! we’re only just meeting, and that’s not really something you say to a stranger, okay?”

“but why noooooooot?? you are gorgeous! like my butterfly! isn’t she so gorgeous, thommy?”

“well, yeah, of course,” tommy agrees easily, because she obviously is—and shit. now miss maria is looking at him like he’s a fucking bonehead, because he obviously fucking is. “but—uh, i mean—she’s right, hon’. you gotta listen to your teacher, and that’s not somethin’ you say to a stranger, okay?”

but then, after thinking to her tiny self for a few seconds: “well if she stays my teacher then she’s not a stranger, is she???” sarah asks tommy, then turns her conniving little head towards maria, too. “and you said you’d stay! so can he say you’re gorgeous tomorrow?” then, without waiting for an answer, she’s back towards tommy to finish: “i think you should call her gorgeous tomorrow.”

“i think we should go home, s’what i think,” tommy says, finally deciding to save himself from four-year-old torment. he sets sarah down and pats her on the end with a gentle but firm request to go get her stuff from her cubby, which she goes to do without her complaints of being too tired to walk. maria watches them closely with a close-lipped but relaxed grin. when sarah’s out of earshot, he apologizes. “sorry ‘bout that, ma’am.”

“don’t be,” miss maria teases, crossing her arms. “you did call me gorgeous, after all. i’ve had worse introductions.”

“tommy miller,” he offers, moving to shake her hand. he notices her nails are done-up, a sparkly blend of pretty shades of purple that look tie-dyed on somehow. her hands aren’t soft, not really, but they’re smooth enough to make him shiver as he pulls away. “sarah’s uncle.”

“oh, i know,” she reassures, then nods her head pointedly towards sarah. the little one is coming back towards them with her lunchbox in one hand and her water bottle in the other, walking extra careful so she doesn’t trip over herself like she did last week, tommy guesses. clearly fond, maria continues. “she spent all day telling me about you and her daddy. you’re doing great with her.”

“unca thommy! i’m ready to go!” sarah sing-songs, interrupting whatever miss maria might’ve said next. internally, tommy thanks his niece—the you’re doing great was already enough to make him cry, and he’d rather not do so in front of either her or her amazing new teacher. plopping her lunch and bottle at tommy’s feet, sarah gives not one, but two eager waves to miss maria, hands flapping madly up towards the woman’s face. “bye miss mariaaaaa!!!! i’ll see you tomorrow!!!!”

“bye sarah sweets!” maria says back, waving just as enthusiastically. to tommy, she raises an amused, teasing eyebrow. just loud enough for him to hear as he turns away, he hears her say “bye, gorgeous,” and laugh, giving yet another angel a pair of wings.

it takes everything in him to not fall straight to the floor, toppling his own precious niece, right then. he doesn’t think he even breathes until both he and Sarah are secured in the car, him in the front and her in her carseat. she’s already babble singing mary j. blige’s “just fine,” which they usually play and sing on their way home from school to help her regulate. when he plays the song this time, sarah smiles bright at him through the rearview and says “i already feel just fine, unca tommy!!! but can we still play it, just for fun?”

“of course, baby,” he says, and start singing along with her. he’s feeling just fine, too.

🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

tagging some homies (btw just let me know if u wanna be tagged in this kinda stuff or not guys! im never sure lol): @becomethesun @clickergossip @boilingcowboy @bumblepony

#tbh i might edit this and put it on ao3 #im so sorry i didnt get ti the falling in love part at all but i LOVE a good meet-cute #*to #and this is i think my favorite one i’ve put on this blog???????#anon. bestie. you did so well i love u thank u #if yall didnt know already im a preschool teacher so #and have i dreamed abt a rich hot younger single parent/gaurdian falling in love with me???? you fuckin betcha #preschool au #im 100% gonna try to connect this with the one rose and i already made #idk where ellie is in here but she’s here!!!! she loves miss maria too!#miss maria loves kids and especially loves embracing neurodiversity and all the different ways kids brains works #miss maria provides brain breaks and shows you how to do body checks to check in with your body #miss maria understands the importance of diversity in her book and media selection #miss maria recommends tab time and bluey #tommy x maria #tlou au #the tipsy bison #ugh I LOVE THISSSSSS BROOOO IM PROUD OF THIS 🫶🏾#yeas i have plans for tess and joel YOU BET I DO #when ur kids having play dates turns into u dating their mom #tess and joel: who am i gonna date??? i have no time. im a parent #ellie and sarah: hold my juicebox #like theyre fully setting them up with no clue that they’re doing it I LOVE MY LITTLE GIRLS #she calls them sarah sweets and ellie enchanted #she’s referencing ella enchanted but elie doesnt care about that so she explains it means ellie is magic #and ellie is down for that because in her brain magic equal dragon. ellie LOVES dragons #sarah miller #toddler sarah #baby sarah #neurodivergent miller tag

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elpickett · 5 months

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Oathbreaker is now live on AO3!

You can find it here: Oathbreaker - elizabethpickett - The Last of Us (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

Rating: T

Relationships: Tommy / Maria, background Joel / Tess and Joel / his ex-wife

Word Count: 12987

Summary:

Tommy had never foreseen himself getting married. In his defence, he hadn't exactly grown up with many good examples of what marriage could look like. His parent's marriage was effectively over before he was born, and Joel's marriage to his ex-wife hadn't been great either. After meeting Maria, however, his mind began to change, picturing her wearing his ring.

This is my Tommy x Maria backstory, it's loosely set in the same universe as Blood Runs Red (which you can find here: Blood Runs Red - elizabethpickett - The Last of Us (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own])

Full story below the cut if you'd rather read it on Tumblr.

Tommy had never foreseen himself getting married. In his defence, he hadn't exactly grown up with many good examples of what marriage could look like.

His parents were already well past falling out of love by the time he was already born, to the point he'd always harboured the suspicion he'd been a last ditch attempt at pulling their marriage back together. It would be an understatement to say it didn't work. By the time he was a toddler, he was well used to the yelling, the fights getting louder and more frequent, the Spanish and Mapuche bleeding together as his parents disagreed about everything they could think of. Joel had tried his best to shield Tommy from the worst of it, but the small two bed flat didn't give them anywhere to go, so under a hastily made pillow fort it was. Joel tried to distract Tommy by making him practise the maths Joel had learnt in school that week, never mind Tommy was four years younger than him, desperate to distract his younger brother. Tommy’s only experience of his mother's first language was through those fights, the only thoughts he could frame those of hatred and disagreement. Joel spoke a little more than him, but still not enough to converse with their grandparents in it.

After everything happened with his grandfather, his parents had decided to leave Chile behind, head to America, the only thing Tommy could remember them ever agreeing on. He'd clung tight to Joel the whole flight, terrified of how high they were, terrified of leaving everything he'd known behind.

Unfortunately for Tommy and Joel, four and eight, speaking a half dozen words of English between them (and one of them was football, which apparently did not mean the same as fútbol for some reason), his parents' marriage didn't get any better after they settled on the outskirts of Austin, Texas.

Joel and Tommy picked up English fairly quickly, both bright and in a school well used to children only speaking Spanish, even if their variety of Spanish wasn't the one the ESL teachers were most familiar with. They played football (soccer, the other kids insisted), they did just enough homework to stay off their teachers radar, they spent as long as possible walking home and left as early as they could in the morning. Three years after they first arrived in Texas, they started showing up to school with bruises. The teachers didn't even raise an eyebrow, just shook their heads when Joel started picking fights with the kids who gave Tommy a hard time seeing the ring of blue around his wrist.

Their parent's marriage only splintered further the longer they stayed in their little two bed flat above some distant relatives garage. Their father stayed out later and later, returning angry and his breath stinking of vodka. Their mother retreated further and further into herself, trying to make not enough money go far enough for herself and two growing boys.

Joel let slip when Tommy was 11 that part of the issue was their father coming home with lipstick on his collar, having successfully hid that facet of their parents' marriage from Tommy for three years.

And then, after the broken arm, after their father was killed (passed, the other ladies from church saying, as though that made it any better, as though they hadn't already seen death much worse than a drunken car crash), he watched his mother bloom again. Tommy saw her get more involved in church when she had time around the two jobs she worked, saw her eyes get brighter and her jokes become more frequent, the hair ruffling and cakes baked following Tommy's abuelas recipes appearing more often. Tommy saw how much happier she was, no longer married, her rings neatly tucked away in a box at the bottom of her dresser, looking younger than she had in years.

And so Tommy, alongside the lessons of how to take a hit, how to read a room better than anyone else in it (except Joel, but he didn't count), learnt that marriage was a thing that made you miserable.

Joel's marriage to Julia didn't exactly change that lesson in his mind, older though he was as he watched it end almost before it had begun.

He was vaguely aware Joel had been seeing someone, mutterings making it across to his middle school from the high school next door, that one of the choir kids was dating some cheerleader. He hadn't thought anything more of it until he wandered over to the high school to see where Joel had got to as he wasn't waiting by the gate for Tommy as usual, where he found his brother with his tongue down said cheerleader's throat. (And oh, thought Tommy, I can hold this one over him forever). After extracting a promise from Joel that he'd get Joel's dessert the next three nights in return for not telling their mother about Joel's new girlfriend (not girlfriend, Joel muttered, which made Tommy burst out laughing because that would be so much worse according to their mother).

Six months later, Tommy had managed to extract the girls name (‘Julia’), how Joel had met her (‘we sit next to each other in chemistry class’), the nature of their relationship (‘friends who made out sometimes but also weren't seeing other people’), and why Tommy hadn't been officially introduced to her (‘which bit of not girlfriend is hard for you to understand, Tomás, honestly’). Joel never had been good at saying no to Tommy, even when it was clearly information he would clearly have rather not shared with his fourteen year old brother who was altogether too invested in his love life.

Three months after that, Julia appeared on their doorstep, blood dripping down her face, just as Joel was heading out to take her to a football game at school. Her belongings were moved into Joel's room two weeks later after a brief standoff between Joel and her father, his mother shaking her head and commenting that normally she'd make them sleep apart but it was a bit too late now wasn't it.

Julia and Joel got married on a quiet Saturday afternoon two months after they graduated, with Isabella and Tommy as their witnesses, in a small ceremony at the church Isabella helped organise. Julia wore a white dress her mother had brought over one day without a word to anyone except Isabella. She was holding a bouquet of daisies, Joel in one of their fathers tuxes that didn't fit quite right around the shoulders, as they put on a matching set of gold rings (the cheapest they could find). Joel had gone straight from the ceremony to a job site, desperately trying to bring in enough money to cover all the costs being a new parent would bring.

Within three months of Sarah being born, Tommy could tell it was a matter of time until Julia left. Joel had thrown himself fully into being a father, happiest with his daughter in his arms, throwing her up in the air and catching her, reading to her whenever he could, even as exhausted as he was with the long hours he was working. Julia, on the other hand, seemed to want nothing to do with Sarah, hating the time she had to spend with her daughter instead of her friends. Tommy knew she had planned to go to college, but her father had made it clear she'd get no more support from them so it wasn't an option anymore. In hindsight Tommy knew Julia was suffering from postpartum depression and the inevitable after effects of having her entire life turned upside down at 18, but to 15 year old him he just watched Sarah struggle as she got no more attention from her mother than absolutely necessary. Tommy had started going straight to their flat after school to play with Sarah while he did his homework, leaving Julia to her own devices while he entertained his niece and tried to remember how to balance a chemistry equation.

Julia and Joel had never been properly together before Sarah was born, something Tommy had always thought was fairly mutual given the very different directions of their lives. After Sarah, though, Joel had tried his best to make it work with Julia - date nights (with Tommy babysitting, sometimes accompanied by their mother and sometimes not), bringing things back from work to try and make her smile. Julia had just retreated into herself, rarely showing any affection at all to her husband or daughter.

Tommy had sworn to himself at that moment that if this is what a better marriage than his parents’ looked like, he never wanted to get married. Never wanted to watch himself or his partner fade, living separate lives in the same house, passing without speaking like ships passing at night.

Julia left shortly after Sarah’s third birthday, divorce papers on the kitchen table, her belongings packed and gone. Joel had panicked at first, not knowing where she was, worried about her spiralling yet again and showing up drunk or high or hurt, so Tommy got handed Sarah and an overnight bag while Joel went to go and try to find his wife. He eventually got word through a chain of people that Tommy had never quite got his head around that she was in Washington with a cousin, at which point Joel rushed straight home to Sarah. It took three days for Joel to manage to explain to Sarah that her mother wasn't coming back this time, unlike the other times where she'd disappeared overnight with no proper warning. Sarah had started sobbing, too young to fully understand what was happening, inconsolable despite Tommy's best efforts to get her to bed. Once he eventually got settled, he'd called his mother and asked her to try and get Julia to give up custody of Sarah. He'd never fully understood the extent to which Isabella and Julia's mother were in contact, but a week after the divorce papers were finalised, a set of custody documents arrived at Joel's flat, Julia giving up all parental rights.

A month later, Tommy graduated high school and shipped out to the army two weeks after that, Sarah clinging to his leg as needed to leave for basic, sobbing that she didn't want him to leave too. Tommy eventually managed to explain that he wasn't going away forever, just to work for a bit, and he'd visit her soon and call her lots. Then he ended up in Kuwait, out of bad luck with when he'd enlisted rather than a particular desire to be there, and he didn't see his niece for eight months. When he got back, PTSD already reading its ugly head, Joel had told him that he was moving in with him and Sarah. A few months after he got back, still waking up with nightmares of blood soaking his hands, he started working on the same construction sites as Joel and helping as much as he could raising his niece, teaching her letters and how to kick a football and learning to how to braid her hair from one of their neighbour's.

When Sarah was eight, looking more like Isabella every day and capable of making herself a sandwich, Tommy moved into his own flat, keen to try to be an adult for once without Joel there to pick up the pieces. As it turned out, Joel managed to do that fairly effectively even if they were no longer living together, sending Sarah in to wake him up when he was hungover and due at a job site, knowing full well Tommy would rather die than snap at his niece.

Tommy had a few girlfriends on and off in the years before the apocalypse began, always ending when they started asking questions about long term life goals and settling down. One of them had got mad at him at one point, yelling at him from across the room that

‘Would it kill you to commit, Tommy? What's so scary about considering what our lives could be like together?’ Tommy had frozen, rooted to the spot, his mother with a black eye and Julia's dead expression and Joel's desperation to make it work when it clearly wouldn't all flashing through his mind, unable to speak as his now ex-girlfriend stormed past him, never to be in his living room again. He hadn't known how to explain to her that he liked how they were in that moment, that taking it further would end up with them both sad and miserable and wishing they hadn't. Tommy wasn't about to make the same mistakes his mother and brother had.

And then after the apocalypse, after he lost Sarah, it took him years to even consider anything more than the odd one night stand, relationships just making him think of his niece and who his brother had been broken first by Julia leaving him and then by losing his daughter.

He'd seen someone on and off in Boston while he was there, a smuggling contact who Tess had referred to, on several occasions, as ‘the most inept drug dealer I've ever met Tommy, Jesus fucking Christ I am begging you to have better taste in women’. Eventually deciding to heed her advice and call it off (he'd long since realised that Tess was the smartest of the three of them, could read people and get what she wanted from them better than anyone he'd ever met), he'd then ended up in Marlene's bed, to which Tess had raised an eyebrow and asked why he was so keen to remake her mistakes. This subsequently led to them both getting drunk off some truly horrific tequila and bonding over shitty ex girlfriends, confusing the hell out of Joel who arrived back at his flat to find his brother and partner drunk out of their minds on his living room floor, both bursting out laughing as he got in from a drop. Tommy had never quite understood the nature of Tess and Joel's relationship, whether she was his girlfriend, partner in all senses of the word, soulmate, or wife in all but filling out the paperwork. To be fair to his brother, Tommy was also aware that Joel probably was terrified to label it the same way he was, too scared of messing up a good thing.

And then, he met Maria.

The first time he met her, he was bleeding profusely out of a knife wound in his arm courtesy of a group of raiders when he suddenly had two guns pointed at him. The man he'd written off immediately as someone he could overpower without much effort, an itchy trigger finger and the lack of a proper beard showing his youth. The woman, however, wrapped in a navy coat and a red bandanna covering most of her face, holding a rifle that Tommy could only describe as beautiful, had kept the gun levelled at his face and told him to kneel. Tommy had done so instantly, not even really realising what he was doing until he felt his knees begin to go numb, the snow soaking through his jeans and thermals. The woman had raised a singular eyebrow, and then promptly knocked him out with the butt of her gun. He decided not to hold it against her.

He woke up in what was quickly identifiable as a doctor's office, even 12 years after he'd last been in a medical centre (and he desperately tried not to focus on that, on the feeling of Joel's blood coating his hands, under his fingernails, begging the doctors to do something, anything). There was the strong smell of antiseptic, and looking down he saw an IV in his arm hooked up to a blood bag and the wound on his arm was neatly dressed. Looking around, Tommy's gaze settled on the two people sitting next to his bed: the woman from the woods, who now she wasn't wearing the bandanna appeared to be about his age, and an older gentleman, deep wrinkles carved into his face revealing a life spent in the sun, his cheekbones the mirror image of the woman's sat next to him - his daughter, Tommy realised.

‘Well, you've certainly done well to make it this far north with such terrible winter gear,’ the man said wryly, his accent revealing himself to be from somewhere near the where Tommy had found himself. ‘I’m George, one of the council members of this here town. And who might you be?’

‘Tommy Miller, sir,’ Tommy replied, his voice cracking from disuse. The woman reached over to the table beside the bed and handed Tommy a glass of water which he took gratefully, nodding his thanks to the woman. He may not have been Texan originally, but his mother had drilled southern manners into him and Joel within a few years of their arrival to Austin. ‘If you don't mind me asking, exactly how far north have I got? I know I crossed the state line into Wyoming, but I lost track of exactly where I was soon after.’

‘This is Jackson. You made it near enough two thirds of the way up to Montana. You heading somewhere in particular?’ the man questioned, and Tommy sensed a different undercurrent to this question. They may have taken him in and patched him up, but they were now trying to figure out what to do with him now, and judging by the tension between George and his daughter, he got the sense that bringing him in may have not been a decision made by whatever sort of council ran this place.

‘Just wandering, taking the opportunity to see some more of the country. Was trying to avoid Denver and Salt Lake City, and heard mutterings of a settlement up this way, figured I'd come see if I could find it. At this point, I'd mainly just like to find somewhere with a roof and food for the winter. If I can't find that here I'm happy to get out of your hair as soon as someone unhooks me from all this,’ Tommy said, gesturing with his injured arm to the tubes coming out of his arm.

‘Avoiding FEDRA and the Fireflies then I see. A man after my own heart. What'd you do for a living before the end of the world?’ George queried, the woman looking closely at Tommy, and he felt her stare down into his very soul, stripping him bare before her.

‘Military and then contracting, sir. Owned a construction firm with my brother down in Austin,’ Tommy explained, a slight frown on his face as George ignored his comment about leaving and then recognised exactly what those two cities meant.

‘Well, if you're looking for somewhere to spend the winter, we always need more hands here, and someone who knows how to build would be most appreciated as our electrician keeps threatening to turn off my hot water if I make him frame another house. You'd be on probation for three months before you get to vote on the council members and in any town wide votes, and there's a strict no firearms rule unless you're on guard duty or on patrol. We also request no weapons of any other kind, but given my daughter has at least three knives on her person right now, that rule does have some more flexibility providing they don't get used on other people.’ George offered. In that moment, Tommy realised what else felt wrong at the whole situation - his fireflies dog tags weren't sitting on his chest. He'd kept wearing them even after he left out of a vague hope that word would get back to Joel if anything did happen to him, but given George's implication that leaving Jackson wasn't an option, he began to question whether that had been a smart move. The fireflies had made a lot of enemies over the last five years, and Tommy had helped make some of those enemies personally.

‘I’d be happy to help with building here. It's been a while since I framed out a house but I'm sure I can contribute,’ Tommy said slowly, trying to keep his voice even.

‘Wonderful. In that case, I'll leave you in Maria's capable hands to show you around the town and get you settled down in one of the open houses. I do hope you settle in well here,’ George said, carefully pushing himself up from the chair he was sitting in, his creaking joints audible to Tommy, who suddenly realised this man looked to be in his eighties, had entered the apocalypse most likely already a retiree and had somehow not only survived but helped set up a town. He glanced at his daughter, Maria, he'd said her name was, on the way out, quietly murmuring something to her, her only response being an eye roll that made Tommy's heart clench in his chest as he remembered Sarah doing the same thing when Joel asked her to help out at home.

‘Well that went better than expected,’ Maria said, grinning at Tommy after her father left the room, before standing up herself, ‘let me go find one of the nurses and see if you have enough blood in you now to be able to have a tour’.

Ten minutes later, Tommy was walking down the main street of Jackson, wrapped up in a stranger's clothes, as Maria pointed out the walls they were trying to build, the schoolyard, the cafeteria, before leading him over to one of the residential streets and nodding at a pale yellow house.

‘This one is yours for the time being, it's where we put all the new arrivals so they can get their heads around Jackson before they pick where they want to live,’ Maria explained, stepping up onto the porch and leaning against the railings, looking down at Tommy beneath her. ‘I do have to ask, though, are you still running with the fireflies? Because you said you were avoiding Denver, but you were wearing fireflies dog tags when I found you,’ she queried, surprising Tommy with the bluntness of her question.

‘Uh, no ma’am, ain't been runnin’ with them for near enough a year now. Kept them in the hope word would get back to my brother if anything happened. Got no love lost for ‘em now,’ Tommy explained, catching a glimpse of the second knife (one on her hip, one in her boot, and a mystery third one somewhere), ‘and I meant what I said about leaving if y'all don't want me here. I ain't trying to impose.’

Maria looked at him then, her eyes locking onto his as she searched for an answer in his, clearly weighing him up. Tommy kept his expression neutral, staring back at her, taking in her dark eyes and sharp cheekbones.

‘I’ve worked damn hard getting this town up and running without you fucking it up by bringing the outside world here, alright? I brought you in because despite actively bleeding out you'd still managed to kill that whole group of raiders, and frankly we need more manpower on patrols and wall duty, or more specifically, we need people with combat experience. And you held yourself like a soldier. So do me a favour and don't fuck up while you're here, it'll make me look bad’, Maria said, appraising his face, his hands, one holding the banister and the other with a thumb tucked into a belt loop.

‘I’ll try my best not to fuck up then, ma’am, I wouldn't want to risk your good reputation,’ Tommy replied, toeing the line between respectful and flirtatious, to which she laughed, before telling him to go wash up and take a shower before heading to the cafeteria for dinner.

Over the next few weeks, Tommy began to settle into Jackson, taking his meals in the cafeteria, Maria making him sit with different groups of people (but normally staying with him too), and helping out with various jobs. It turned out contracting came back easily, and soon people were coming up to him on the street to ask him to fix steps, kitchen cupboards, and a leaky roof. Jackson had a hardware store that was still mostly intact so he didn't struggle for supplies. He'd asked Maria if it was okay he wasn't actually working on getting the new buildings up as he kept ending up fixing various things in the older houses, to which she’d said that if he was helping people build things it didn't really matter the order. He'd asked about patrol shifts or guard duty, but had been told it'd be at least two months after his arrival before he got hold of a firearm. He carefully didn't mention the pistol and ammo he'd found when inspecting a potential building for the new community co-op, now safely tucked away in his bedroom drawer. And wasn't that a luxury, getting his own bedroom, with a bed, and a thick duvet, and space to put things. He reached the point of knowing people's names and socialising without Maria, heading to the Tipsy Bison after finishing up work for the day with whoever ended up on the ‘help Tommy fix shit’ shift that day.

By the time spring finally arrived, the snow dissipating and early bulbs beginning to show themselves in the grass, Tommy knew he would stay in Jackson. He'd started working on the walls more, making them stronger, had almost finished plans for redoing the main town buildings and making sure they were strong enough to stand for a long while yet. It was quieter there than anywhere he'd found after the end of the world, made of people who just wanted to live as best they could, who didn't ask questions about each other's pasts unless information was freely given first. He moved out of the yellow house and into a small townhouse a few roads over (nearer Maria, a small voice in the back of his head said), and had gotten into the habit of sitting on his porch in the evenings with a cup of herbal tea that one patrol woman made. Soon enough, Maria began to join him, first standing on the steps to ask him what he'd been fixing that day, but soon it had progressed to them sitting on the pair of chairs and both sipping from mugs of tea.

Maria had always felt easy, to Tommy, in a way he hadn't really ever felt before. Her only expectation of him was that he'd do his fair share of the work of Jackson, but beyond that, she didn't want anything from him. He could be himself around her, joke, recollect stories of before the world ended. He learnt she'd been a lawyer, same as her father, which made sense given she could read people better than anyone he'd met other than Tess. He learnt she used to visit Louisiana every summer to visit her grandparents, and had gone to college in New York on a full scholarship. In return, he told her about growing up with Joel and their mother, of playing football at school, desperate to spend as little time inside as possible. Told her about his love for peppermint sweets, and the first record he remembered ever hearing.

Six months after Tommy first met Maria, they were sitting on his porch enjoying the warm summer evening, both distinctly tipsy from a night at the bar with friends that had somehow involved multiple tequila shots and several bottles of wine. He wasn't entirely sure where the tequila had even come from if he was being honest. He'd looked up to see a moth sitting on the railing across from him, and said, quietly,

‘Sarah always did love butterflies. Used to insist that moths were just sleepy butterflies, that the wing shape was different because they were too tired to hold their wings up. Took until she was six to convince her they were different animals, though I think she was fucking with me on purpose by the end of it’.

Maria stilled at his words, turning to look at him, seeing the grief writ large on his face.

‘How old was she? When you lost her?’ she asked, her voice settling into something softer than usual, a tone he was quickly realising only seemed to appear around him.

‘She was 14, final year of middle school. Already had her high school picked out, some science specific one. It was going to be a nightmare for Joel and I to get her there it was so far away, but it was academically selective and she was so smart, always wanted to learn more about everythin’,’ he said, finding the lump in his throat beginning to get smaller as the words started coming out.

‘Was she yours or Joel's?’

‘She was Joel's daughter. But Julia took off pretty early, and Joel had been keeping a pretty close eye on me for years because our dad wasn't around, so it was me and him raising her mainly. Our mum helped as well, but we lost her when Sarah was six, so then it was only us two. Lived with them for a while as well to make it easier when I for back from the army.’

‘So she was yours, then, as well,’ Maria stated quietly, meeting Tommy's eyes as he looked up, a tear glistening on his cheek.

‘Yeah. She was mine. Felt like I buried half my heart when we had to bury her,’ he managed to choke out, realising how little he'd actually grieved her in the twelve years since her death, realising that Joel's insistence of shoving the feelings down had left him without any closure, any sense of being able to lay his niece to rest in his mind.

Maria got up, then, moving to sit next to him, and just held his hand as he sobbed silently, waiting for him to be done before helping him inside and up to his bedroom, squeezing his hand as she grabbed an extra blanket for him out of his cupboard (and he wondered then, how she knew where it was. She was in his house a lot, often chatting over lunch or planning new stages of development for Jackson, but he hadn't realised her familiarity with his home had reached knowing where the spare bed linen was).

‘Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about Sarah,’ Maria whispered from his bedroom door, just loud enough for Tommy to hear it even as he slipped towards sleep.

‘Trust you with everythin’, darlin’,’ he replied, drifting quickly off.

It was easier, after that, to talk to Maria about Sarah, to be able to remember her life and all she had done with it, to finally come to terms with what had happened.

Maria, then, slowly started sharing stories of Kevin too. Less, as he was so much younger when he died, but stories of ever taller building block towers, of wanting to ‘help’ his mother with work which resulted in a separate firm branded notebook for him after he'd scribbled over her case notes when drawing a picture in her normal notebook. Stories of long nights with a colicky baby, giving way to longer days as she balanced being a DA with being a parent and being married to a surgeon. It had taken Tommy by surprise, a bit, hearing she had been married, which she was confused by.

‘I was in my thirties with a kid and a career and everything, why's it so surprising I was married?’ she asked, undoing a chain around her neck to show Tommy the three rings threaded onto it, her engagement ring sparkling in the lantern light.

‘Just never pictured you that way, I guess,’ he'd replied, twisting the rings back and forth between his fingers.

‘Not something you were ever interested in?’ Maria had asked, reclasping the necklace before sipping her tea as it steamed gently.

‘Saw what it did to my parents, and then to Joel and his ex-wife. Figured it was something I was probably better without’, he said, shrugging.

‘That’s, that’s not what marriage is supposed to be like,’ Maria said, reaching over to turn his face towards her so she was sure he heard her. ‘Marriage is supposed to make you happy. It's about finding someone you are so happy to spend the rest of your life around, and then promising each other to try and make that happen.’

Tommy had just given her a cocky grin, one she recognised now as the face he made when thinking over new information, before smiling up at her, her fingers still on his jaw.

‘I'm glad you were happy. That your husband made you happy,’ he'd said quietly before going back to drinking his tea.

By the time the next winter came, when Tommy reached a year in Jackson, he realised that Maria probably knew more about him than anyone other than maybe Joel. She knew his life before, knew some of his life afterwards (she knew about the Fireflies, the smuggling. He still hadn't managed to vocalise the details about him and Joel being hunters for a while, though she knew that's what they'd done. He just couldn't share exactly what happened, and she didn't push) and had taken it all into her stride. Had looked at him with her dark brown eyes glinting in the sun and seen him, all of him.

In return, he'd got to know her pretty well too. Knew how college had been, so desperate to do as well in law as her father, about the realities of living so far from home as an eighteen year old. Knew she'd met Michael on a blind date set up by a mutual friend from her law school, that it had ended with red wine on his shirt, his hands on her arms as he kissed her goodnight, and them trading numbers to meet up again somewhere less stuffy and more them. He knew how much she'd wanted a child, and how worried she’d been about what it would do to her career if she took a year off, only to have got bored out of her mind within two months, Michael and her adjusting plans so she could go back to work full time while he took a step back to look after Kevin more. He knew how terrified she'd been to vocalise what she wanted to her husband, how terrified she'd been that he would say looking after Kevin was her job, only for him to hand her a new job contract from the hospital for reduced hours that would let him do the bulk of childcare, him smiling and telling her he didn't marry her to make her miserable, and that if he hadn't wanted to split childcare in a way that might include him being the one to take a step back career wise he wouldn't have married a woman with a career more impressive than his.

It still had taken him by surprise when she’d sat down next to him one evening and told him she wanted to tell him how she lost Michael and Kevin, not even waiting for him to make their tea first. He'd offered to go and make it but she'd just shook her head, said it needed to be now, so he just held her hand and sat next to her as she got the words out in fits and starts, tears shining bright on her face.

Maria told him that her husband had been the one to go and get George when they realised something was wrong on outbreak day, while she stayed at home with Kevin, frantically packing bags so they could leave town and get somewhere quieter. She told him Michael had arrived at George's house to find him being attacked by an infected, that he had got bit getting George to safety. How he'd kept quiet about the bite on his ankle until George was safely with Maria and Kevin, then had pulled her aside and told her what happened, touching foreheads with her before taking his father in laws pistol and going to put a bullet in his head, refusing to let anyone else do it. She told him, voicing catching on the words, how much she regretted not even being able to kiss him goodbye, unsure as they were of how the infection spread.

He pulled her close at that point, letting her head burrow into his neck, his arms falling around her as she clung to him.

She managed to explain that Kevin had been bit three days later in an army camp, the quarantine protocols proving insufficient, and that after that she and George had stayed far away from anything government run.

She’d explained, then, that it would have been his sixteenth birthday that day, and Tommy, who'd spent the nights that would've been Sarah's 18th and 21st drunk and high out of his mind, understood suddenly why she needed to say it then. To make her son real and tangible in the world, to make sure he didn't live on just in her head but in someone else's too.

He’d offered, then, to go and fill their mugs with whiskey instead of tea, if that was more what she’d wanted, getting a laugh out of her with that joke.

‘I think I just want to sleep. Walk me home?’ she asked quietly, lifting her face to look up at his. Tommy nodded and unwrapped her arms from around him, keeping hold of her hand as they slowly walked (the extremely short distance) to her house.

Seeing her face tighten as they reached her door, Tommy squeezed her hand,

‘Want me to stay until you fall asleep?’ he offered, quickly seeing it was the right thing to say as Maria’s shoulders dropped several inches in relief. And so he took her upstairs, awkwardly hovering as she got changed and got into bed, an odd mirror of what she'd done for him when he'd told her about Sarah. Maria curled up into Tommy’s chest, his hand settling on her hair as she slowly drifted off to sleep. He’d meant to slip out as soon as she was fully asleep, but instead he woke up to the sun coming in through her window, Maria’s face still buried in his chest, his back aching and reminding him that the apocalypse hadn’t been kind to his joints. Maria stirred against his chest rolling over so she was fully on top of him, and Tommy froze, not entirely sure what to do now, lying trapped under his best friend who’d given him a home and helped piece his broken parts back together. Thankfully, Maria awoke fairly soon into his small existential crisis, looking up at him, hair messy and neck cracking, a quiet ‘hey’ leaving her lips as she got up and headed for the bathroom. Tommy took the opportunity to stretch his back and readjust his clothes, still not sure what to say.

‘You want coffee?’ Maria’s voice broke through the fog coating his brain, emerging from the bathroom with water dripping down her neck from where she’d splashed her face.

‘That would be great. Look, I’m sorry about stayin’, I’d meant to go once you were settled-’

‘It’s fine, Tommy. Really. You were a surprisingly good pillow. Eggs for breakfast okay? She said, seemingly confused why it was such a big deal, as though he hadn’t just spent the night in her bed.

‘Uh, yeah, eggs work. Any chance ya got any of that hot sauce Lauren made?’ he said, shrugging and following her lead as she headed through to her kitchen, filling the kettle.

That afternoon, while working on fixing the roof, Tommy almost fell off said roof when Jon, one of the only other men with any sort of construction experience, suddenly spoke,

‘So you and Maria have finally decided to stop sneaking around huh?’ he asked, smirking and sitting to look over at Tommy.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Tommy asked, confused as to why anyone thought he and Maria were hiding being friends when they regularly sat on his porch together in full view of anyone who walked past.

‘Denise saw you doing the walk of shame this morning leaving Maria's house,’ Jon told him, clearly delighted at the efficiency of Jackson's gossip network.

Tommy blinked several times, ‘Wait, what? That wasn't a walk of shame. Firstly, because it's not like that between us, I just fell asleep. Secondly, a walk of shame implies I'd feel shame, which is yet to be something I’ve ever experienced.’

‘Wait what do you mean it's not like that? You're not together?’

‘No? Wait, did you think we were?’

‘Alongside everyone else in Jackson, dude, yeah I did. Are you seriously telling me that you spend all your free time together, and you're not sleeping together?’ Jon asked him, beginning to look as confused as Tommy felt.

‘Yeah, that's exactly what I'm telling you. Can we get back to finishing this roof now? I'm meant to be meeting the woman I'm in no way sleeping with for lunch in an hour’.

Turning away from Jon and getting back to laying shingles, Tommy thought about what he'd said, the assumption that he and Maria were together. To be fair, men had stopped asking her to dance at the Tipsy Bison pretty soon after they'd started spending more time together, and he had quit flirting with women in front of Maria, and given he was basically always with her, that meant he'd stopped flirting completely with the other women of Jackson.

Two hours later, and God, Tommy missed competent coworkers who knew what to do and could be trusted not to fuck everything up the minute he looked away, he fell into a chair opposite Maria in her kitchen with a loud thump, her raising an eyebrow at the interruption from her work.

‘So Jon asked me about that fact I supposedly did the walk of shame this morning, apparently Denise saw me leave yours,’ he said, reaching over the table to grab her sandwich and start eating it.

‘That would imply shame is something you'd feel after sleeping with somebody,’ she said, not even looking up from the large stack of papers in front of her.

‘That’s what I said!’ Tommy replied, gesturing to her with her own sandwich, which she plucked out his hand to grab a bite of herself. ‘But also, apparently the whole town thinks we are together.’

‘I mean to be fair we spend all our free time together and neither of us have been seeing anyone else, it's not a wild conclusion for them to draw,’ Maria replied, somehow managing to hold a conversation, eat a sandwich, and continuing working on what looked like a patrol schedule all at once.

‘That doesn't bother ya’?’ Tommy asked, confused by how nonplussed she seemed.

‘Tommy I'm 44 and we are living through the apocalypse, I'm rather a long way beyond caring what anyone else thinks about my sex life,’ she said, pushing the patrol schedule away and setting down the sandwich. ‘Does it bother you that other people think we are together in that way?’ she asked, staring at him with what he had long ago termed her ‘lawyer face’ where he knew he couldn't hide anything from her even if he wanted to.

‘No? Maybe? I don’t know, Maria, just feels a little weird that they'd think a guy like me had a chance with a woman like ya’ is all.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ she asked, her voice sharper than he remembered it being while directed at him for months.

‘What do ya’ think it means? You were a fuckin’ DA with a surgeon for a husband and a kid and a life and everythin’ before, and now you've helped set up one of the only non FEDRA settlements in the whole US and despite what ya’ tell people about the council everyone knows that people will vote for what you and ya’ daddy decide is best. I barely graduated high school and spent my life before the end of the world pickin’ dumb fights at bars and having to get bailed out by my brother with my niece in tow, and after the outbreak I've done a whole lotta awful things. You managed to build somethin’, I just hurt a lot of people who didn't do anythin’ but get in my way. You never woulda looked at a guy like me before even if ya’ weren't happily married, and god knows you'd never look at me like that with everything I've done since.’

‘Is that seriously what you think? That you wouldn't be good enough for me?’ she asked him, her voice keeping the hard edge even as she reached over and took his hands.

‘Ya’ know what I've done, darlin’. Don't think I'm good enough for anyone, don't think I was before the world ended, let alone now,’ Tommy said quietly, looking her in the eye to show he wasn't hiding anything.

Maria picked up his hands and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, hands holding tight to his.

‘You listen to me, Tomás Miller. You are worth loving. I know what you did and who you are, and I haven't turned away from you yet. If I didn't think you were good enough for me, I wouldn't be spending all my time with you and letting you steal my sandwiches, okay?’ she said, staring deep into his eyes to make her point.

‘Yeah but that's different, we’re friends. It's not the same.’

‘Am I seriously going to have to explain to you how platonic relationships are just as important and fulfilling as romantic ones? It doesn't matter exactly what our relationship is, it wouldn't change how I looked at you. How much I love you.’

Tommy blinked, ‘you love me?’

‘Of course I do, you moron. Now help me with the patrol schedules,’ she said, squeezing his hands before pushing half the schedule over to his side of the table. He just sat there, trying to process the fact that a woman as wonderful as Maria apparently loved him.

About two minutes later, the room having been silent until then, he broke it by asking,

‘We can start fucking with people if they all think we are sleeping together, right? This could be hilarious.’

‘Oh definitely. They want to make dumb assumptions instead of asking questions, we get to fuck with them,’ Maria answered instantly. ‘Now, thoughts on sending Silas and Eugene out on the northern route?’

‘Absolutely not, the levels of common sense on that patrol would be so low as to be nonexistent. Also, I love ya’ too, darlin’. I hope you know that.’

Maria smiled over at him, squeezed his hand, and went back to work.

Things changed after that. They'd been close for a while, spending a lot of time together, but after naming what was between them they lived practically on top of each other, constantly in each other's houses, every so often both falling asleep while watching a movie or working late and moving, groaning at aching joints, towards whichever bed was closest and curling up in it. Tommy hadn't thought much of it, Maria not being one to snore or steal the covers, until George cornered him after a patrol shift one day after he'd finally been cleared to handle a gun and head out.

‘So what exactly is going on between you and my daughter?’ George said, standing just outside the stables and waiting for Tommy to walk out, making him jump out of his own skin as he quickly looked around for George.

‘I… I feel like that's somethin’ you'd need to ask her, sir,’ he said, feeling like he was fifteen and had been caught sneaking around with his girlfriend again (Isabella, having had one grandchild from a child barely out of high school, had no interest in there being a second and had been extremely strict with doors open and rules like that. Tommy, having acquired a niece from a high school relationship, had no interest in giving her a second grandchild, so this caused significantly less issues than everyone seemed to expect given his reputation as a womaniser).

‘I did. She said to ask you,’ George responded, his eyes narrowing.

‘I… She's the best thing in my life, sir. I like havin’ her around.’

‘Hmm. Break her heart and we will have a problem,’ George responded, his voice taking on the same edge that Maria's did when she was serious.

‘That feels fair, sir,’ Tommy said, very aware that Maria had learnt most of her lawyering at his feet, including the ability to read people.

When he mentioned the conversation to Maria that evening over dinner she laughed, apologising for not giving him advance warning of the impending shovel talk as George had asked her the same thing that morning.

‘What did ya’ tell him? About us?’ Tommy asked.

‘That I was a forty four year old woman and thus rather beyond having to justify my relationships to him,’ she replied dryly. ‘No, I told him you were important to me and I love you and if you break my heart I can kick your ass myself.’

‘That’s my girl.’

Three months later, Tommy and Maria were frantically shovelling down breakfast after sleeping in late, one of them having turned the alarm clock off and rolled back over without thinking. When Maria stood up to leave, grabbing her bag and coat, she dropped a kiss on Tommy's lips as she ran out the door to a council meeting seemingly without thinking about it.

Tommy blinked several times, decided he quite liked that, and finished eating his toast before heading out to his patrol shift.

That lunch time, when Maria didn't come to his house like usual, he walked over to her house to find her having a panic attack in her kitchen. He filled her up a glass of water and sat next to her, hand palm side up in an offer to hold hers if she wanted. Maria didn't often have panic attacks, certainly had them less than he did, but she had a tendency to freak out if she was touched unexpectedly, so he waited until she made the first move towards him before pulling her onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her.

‘I'm sorry,’ she choked out, face buried in his chest as her breathing slowly evened out.

‘For what exactly?’ Tommy asked gently, not entirely sure what had set this off, and not wanting to guess wrong.

‘Missing lunch, kissing you, freaking out? Some combination of all the above?’ she said, still not looking up at him.

‘Okay, addressing those one by one. Firstly, ya’ don't ever gotta apologise for having a bad day. Panic attacks are shit but they happen, we didn't get through more than a decade of the apocalypse without a fuckton of trauma. Secondly, I don't care if you missed lunch, I just wanted to check ya’ were okay as ya’ don't normally bail on me without letting me know something has come up. And thirdly, you do not in any way need to apologise for kissin’ me, okay?’ he said, arms still wrapped tight around her. They'd worked out months ago firm pressure grounded her faster than anything else when she panicked.

‘It was… okay?’

Tommy huffed out a laugh and pressed a kiss to her hairline. ‘Yeah, darlin’, it was okay. Though I certainly wouldn't mind you doin’ it again to be sure. But also if you wanna just forget it ever happened, that's all fine with me too. Whatever you want.’

‘I think I'd like to try again,’ Maria answered, shifting so she was looking up at him, her hands coming up to either side of his face as she kissed him again, gently, giving him enough time to respond this time. His hands shifted to her waist as she looked down at him, the light shining in through the window giving her a soft halo, and Tommy thought, in that moment, that she'd never looked more beautiful.

She didn't make her afternoon meeting.

The hickey she had accidentally left on Tommy's neck, right above where his collar could cover, made it pretty clear to everyone what they'd been doing. She wasn't quite sure whether it was better or worse for a hickey to be on him rather than her, but she quickly came to the conclusion she didn't really care. It's not like anyone was going to say anything to her, one of the advantages of good social standing and an ability to set her face in such a way that people tended to decide it wasn't worth crossing her.

Two years after Tommy arrived in Jackson, almost fifteen years after his world ended as his niece bled out in front of him, a second too slow to save her, Maria moved her things into his house. It hadn't really made sense for them to keep separate houses before they'd got together given how much time they spent together in on or the other, but after George had seen the mark she'd sucked into his collarbone and rolled his eyes, muttering something about her always being possessive about what was hers, he'd told them they needed to pick which house they wanted and move out the other so new people could move in, the increasing flow of people into Jackson putting pressure on the housing situation.

Neither of them had particularly cared which house they kept, so they ended up in Tommy's as it had better water pressure and one fewer bedrooms to keep clean and dusted (he and Maria were good at most parts of running a house, between them, but keeping on top of dusting was definitely something they needed to work on). She brought over the stuff she cared about most, keeping the better bits of furniture and leaving the rest for whoever moved in after her.

They still had plenty of bad days between them - what should have been Maria's twentieth wedding anniversary, the day Sarah was officially gone longer than she'd been alive. But they got through them, together, holing up in their bedroom on the days it was too much to go outside.

But they also had a lot of good days. Patrols together outside the walls, getting to enjoy a picnic in meadows full of wildflowers, evenings spent dancing in the Tipsy Bison as Tommy attempted to teach the townspeople how to line dance. Evenings spent with him trying to recreate his mother's recipes with whatever the gardeners had managed to grow in the greenhouses, Maria laughing as his attempts to make corn tortillas ended in crumbly messes until she stepped in and helped, explaining she'd had a Puerto Rican roommate in grad school who taught her to make proper tortillas. Lazy days when they didn't have shifts or meetings spent laying in bed, kissing and dozing and not worrying about what was outside Jackson's walls.

That summer, after a family dinner with George at his house, because that's something they did now, family dinners, he'd pulled Tommy aside to help with dishes.

‘I want you to have this,’ he said, handing a small redvelvet box over to Tommy. Inside was a gold ring with a green stone flanked by two small diamonds. ‘It was my wife's, before she passed. We offered it to Maria last time but Michael had a family ring she fell in love with. You don't need to use it if you don't want to, but I wanted to give it to you so you could consider it.’

Tommy ran his fingers over the gold band, catching sight of an engraving on the inside.

‘It’s the coordinates of where I first met my wife, and where Maria was born. Caleb’ll replace it if you ask him nicely, especially if you have a rabbit to trade with him.’

‘Thank you. For giving this to me. I feel I should say though that we haven't even talked about marriage, so maybe don't expect her to be walking around in the ring next week,’ Tommy said, an image of Maria in nothing but his ring flashing through his mind.

‘It’s there for when you want it, Tommy. You're a good man, and you're good for my daughter. She laughs more with you than I've seen since she lost Kevin, and what more could a parent want than a happy child.’

‘I appreciate it, sir. And for what it's worth, I’m grateful you think I'm good for her.’

When Tommy and Maria got home that night, he slipped the box into his bedside table beside the picture of Sarah from her final birthday party, and if he clung a little tighter to Maria that night then she just tucked her face into his chest and let him hold her as she drifted to sleep.

He'd sworn, on multiple occasions, that getting married wasn't something he ever wanted. But he'd also been so afraid of getting anywhere near that point with anyone before, and here he was living with Maria and spending all their time together. The only thing that's be different if they got married was that he'd wear her ring, make it visible to other people just how much he loved her.

But even if it was something he wanted, there was still the question of whether it was even something she'd be interested in. Tommy knew she mourned the life she could've had if cordyceps hadn't happened, knew that there wasn't a day she didn't wear her rings on a chain around her neck.

He still hadn't worked out what to do about the ring, how to even bring it up, when a few months later she’d asked if he cared that she still wore Michael's rings when they were lying in bed together one evening.

‘Why would I care that you want to remember someone you loved? Someone who loved ya’? I love ya’, darlin’, and I'm glad other people did too before I got to meet you,’ he'd said, touching their foreheads together lightly.

‘Someone said something in town today, that it was weird I wore wedding rings to another man while I lived with you.’

‘Well, they can go fuck ‘emself.’ Tommy replied, having very little patience for other people's expectations of his jealousy, especially when it was over things like his partner's dead husband. Getting jealous of a trader who decided to flirt with Maria right in front of him despite his arm around her waist? Reasonable, not that he'd ever do anything, knowing full well the man was one more suggestive comment away from getting kicked out of Jackson with a broken nose courtesy of his partner. Getting jealous over the man Maria had expected to spend her life with, who's child she'd carried, who was gone years before he even met Maria? Dumb as hell.

‘Then they asked me if I planned to keep wearing them if we got married,’ she continued, pausing as Tommy choked on the water he was drinking. ‘You okay?’

‘Maybe don't bring up marriage for the first time when I'm in the middle of drinking something?’ he requested, sipping his water and trying not to think of the ring still sitting beside his bed.

‘That feels like a fair request. Anyway, at that point I told them to go fuck themself,’ Tommy smirked at that, amused with the image of Maria putting someone in their place. ‘Made me think, though, that we hadn't talked about whether that was something we wanted. Getting married.’

‘Bored of living in sin with me?’ Tommy said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, earning himself a roll of her eyes.

‘Bored of my father telling me he wants to see me married again before he dies,’ she said, her tone of voice suggesting that this was a conversation she was having with George fairly frequently.

‘For the sake of honesty I feel I should tell you I have your ma’s engagement ring sitting in a box in my bedside table. George gave it to me, said I should use it if we got married,’ Tommy said, wanting all the cards on the table if they were going to have this conversation.

‘He’s really been playing both sides here then. Sometimes I forget how many years he spent as a lawyer and getting people to do what he wants. I’m just amused he's decided that what he wants us to do is get married,’ said Maria, glad her father had found something to sink effort into, even if it was her love life. He had slowed down a lot even since Tommy had arrived, his mind as sharp as ever but his body struggling to keep up any more.

‘Is that… is that something you'd want? Getting married again?’ Tommy asked, reaching out for her hand, squeezing it gently.

‘What happened to you swearing to never get married?’ she asked him quietly.

‘I met you,’ he said simply, tilting up her chin so he could see her face, ‘until you, every experience I had with marriage was bad. Hearin’ you talk about Michael made me realise it wasn't always shit, that it could be somethin’ worth doing. I love ya’, Maria, with my whole heart, and I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with ya’. If I had the opportunity to do so as your husband I'd be honoured, but if that's not something you want then I'll give your daddy back the ring and tell him it won't happen. I'm happy with us now, I'd rather have us like this than you unhappy.’

‘The way they said it in town, it sounded like they expected to just replace his rings with yours. Replace him with you, trade one husband out for another,’ Maria said, leaning her cheek into his hand.

‘You know you could wear both, right? Wearin’ my ring on your finger wouldn't stop ya’ wearing Michael's rings around your neck. I don't expect you to just give them up for me,’ he offered.

‘You'd be okay with that?’

‘I would be honoured if ya’ loved me enough to wear my ring, Maria, but I’d never expect you to stop wearing his.’

‘Tommy?’

‘Yeah, darlin’?’

‘I expect a proper proposal. This doesn't count, alright?’ Maria said, smiling at him, laughing as he leant over to press their lips together, pulling her back against him to enjoy the feel of their skin pressed together.

‘I love ya’, Maria’, he said, pulling just far enough away from her to speak, their lips still brushing as he tried to pour everything he was feeling into his words.

‘I love you too, Tommy,’ she replied, pressing their lips back together.

Three weeks later, more nervous than Tommy ever remembered being before, he and Maria rode out north of Jackson on a patrol shift together. They didn't often go out together, more because Maria's council work and his contracting tended to happen on opposite shifts, so it'd taken some doing (he now owed several people unspecified building favours) to get them on a two person shift together, especially given he wanted a specific route that went past the lake.

They'd gone on a date to the lake fairly early on in being romantically together (rather than just attached at the hip as they had been before), as it froze deep enough to skate and Jackson had a surprising number of ice skates. Tommy, having never had the opportunity to skate before, protested

‘Of course I can't fucking skate, Maria, Texas doesn't get this cold!’

‘Boston does though.’

‘Yeah and in Boston I was busy trying not to get shot by FEDRA for smuggling, we didn't exactly have time for family outings to find a pond to skate on!’, he complained, falling over again. He fell over a lot that day, laughing until his chest his hurt as he clung to Maria's hands and tried to stay upright. And then, once he managed to learn to go places, Maria quickly realised she'd forgotten to teach him to stop when he went careening into a snowbank. His head had popped back up, snowflakes clinging to his mustache, an indignant look on his face that Maria had laughed at until his arm reached out to pull her down on top of him. He rolled them over so he was hovering above her, arms braced on either side of her head.

‘Now, I'm begin to sense this was all a plot to get me on my ass repeatedly,’ he said, his voice dropping lowing, teasing, eyes darkening as he looked down at her.

‘Can’t have you getting too cocky sweetheart, and besides, you look so delightful underneath me,’ she'd replied, her eyes glinting bright and her cheeks flushed from the cold.

‘I think we have well established that you only have to ask if that's what you want,’ he said, kissing along her jaw before moving down to her neck where it wasn't hidden behind a thick scarf.

‘Does it help if I promise to kiss all the bruises better?’ she'd asked, smiling up at him.

‘That does help, yes. Now what say you we start heading back so you can started on that?’ he'd said, standing up and pulling her with him and towards the horses.

As they rode up the same path a year later, the weight of the ring box in Tommy's pocket seemed to grow the closer they got to the lake. It felt odd to be this nervous, given she knew the question was coming, and he what her answer would be. They settled for lunch, eating some sandwiches that they'd made from the cafeteria, and passing a flask of tea back and forth, coffee being too rare a treat to take on a standard patrol.

The day was cold but bright, frost sparkling on the trees and lots of wildlife around, suggesting they likely wouldn't find too many infected on patrols. The animals were a pretty good indicator of how bad things were llikey to be, though not foolproof.

Tommy waited until Maria was turned around, packing their lunch back into his saddlebags as he pretended to retie his shoelaves, and instead got out the ring from the box in his pocket, kneeling down so she'd see him when he turned back around.

She turned around, clapping her hands together and ready to get going, before freezing as she took in the sight of Tommy kneeling before her in the snow, a perfect parallel to how they'd met, albeit with her gun slung over her back instead of pointed at him this time around.

‘Maria, darlin', I love ya’, and I'd be honoured to spend the rest of my life loving ya’ as my wife. Will you-’ Tommy began, getting cut off as Maria dropped to her knees to get them at the same height, and pressed her lips to his.

‘Yes. Yes, I will marry you, Tommy Miller,’ she said, eyes bright and a huge smile on her face as he slipped the ring onto her left hand, bringing her hand up to kiss it.

They finished up the patrol (thankfully uneventful), and then headed straight to George's house to tell him.

Five months later, on a warm afternoon in May, (between a flood of new arrivals meaning more council work for Maria and new houses needing to be built by Tommy, their plans of a quick, small wedding had been shoved on the back burner for a while), they got married.

Tommy was in a dark blue suit he’d borrowed from one of the other patrollers, the same one that got brought out for anyone who had big events. He had opted to skip a tie, but had a daisy tucked into his suit jacket as he stood in the yard of his and Maria's house. Given the legal framework behind marriage had disappeared along with the rest of civilisation, weddings in Jackson were more for the couple themselves, with whoever they wanted acting as the officiant, and the after parties often held in the Tipsy Bison so the whole town could celebrate.

He stood next to George, who'd started using a wheelchair that spring, who’d had teary eyes all day at the idea of his daughter marrying again. They'd asked George to officiate the first night they'd told him, and he'd said he'd be happy to say a few words, but given Tommy's family were catholic and his and Maria's was baptist he would be making it as ecumenical as possible. Tommy had laughed and pointed out he’d stopped going to church as soon as he moved out of his mother's house, after which Maria had looked at George and reminded him that they hadn't gone to church since she was a child and Michael’s family were Jewish, so they'd just followed those traditions the last time she was married. George had thrown up his hands and asked what they wanted, and they'd just asked for something short, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

A few of he and Maria's friends were there too, on a hodgepodge of chairs taken from various neighbours houses - Eugene, another patroller, Jon, who Tommy had worked with for a while and continued to claim partial responsibility for Tommy and Maria getting together, and Edith, a friend of Maria's who'd helped set up Jackson, who was responsible for somehow making a wedding cake in the apocalypse. It was amazing to Tommy how many people had pitched in for the wedding - his clothes were borrowed, he knew Maria's dress was from the school teacher though he hadn't seen it, there were bouquets of ox eye daisies everywhere that a patrol group had picked. They had a cake, and there was some sort of food buffet planned for the Tipsy Bison, Caleb had used his blacksmithing abilities to make a pair of gold wedding bands, pressed into Tommy's hands and the rabbit he'd brought in payment refused. A friend of George's, another council member, had found a guitar and was going to play it when Maria walked down their version of an aisle. Jackson worked as a settlement because everyone contributed, and the inhabitants loved nothing more than contributing to a party.

Tommy was pulled out of his thoughts of how lucky he was to have found Jackson when the guitar began playing, and Maria began walking through the garden towards him. She was wearing a knee length yellow dress (she'd asked if he cared if she didn't wear white, but Tommy didn't care. If it meant he got to marry her, he'd be happy if she showed up in dirty jeans and one of his old shirts), buttons in a line up the front up to a gentle v-neck that showed her collarbones. The sleeves came down to her elbows, cuffed at the ends with the same white ribbon that adorned the hem and neck of the dress. Maria was holding a bouquet of the same daisies they'd used for decor with ferns mixed in, her dreads in an updo that seemed to have small crystals in as well as flowers. She’d even found lipstick for the occasion, darkening her lips to a deep red. Tommy, looking at her, was dumbstruck at how beautiful she was. He'd known she was gorgeous even since they first met, even if all he could see were her eyes and all he could hear was the barked order to kneel. He remembered waking up in the clinic, his eyes tracing over her cheeks and noses. In hindsight, he'd been in love with her for months before they'd said it to each other, and now, he got to marry her.

Maria walked herself up the makeshift aisle, taking Tommy's hands as she reached the front and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

‘Pretty sure you're meant to do that after I marry you both,’ George said dryly, Tommy breaking away from Maria's lips to flush up to his ears.

‘Well then you'd better get on with it, because I would like to kiss my husband now,’ Maria snarked back, resting her forehead against Tommy's.

‘Do you, Maria, take Tommy to be your husband?’ George asked, smiling up at his daughter and soon to be son in law.

‘I do.’

‘Do you, Tommy, take Maria to be your wife?’

‘I do.’

‘Then by the power invested in me by myself, I pronounce you husband and wife,’ George finished, smiling as Maria and Tommy looked at each and then to him, surprised at the brevity.

‘What? I told you, it needed to be ecumenical, and you said you wanted short! Besides, you seem to have the love and care for each other down already, and my daughter seems to be in a hurry.’

Tommy huffed a quick laugh before grabbing Maria's waist in one hand, the other coming up to touch her cheek as he pulled her towards him, pressing their lips together hungrily as their friends cheered behind them. He even heard a click, the type from a camera, but ignored working out where someone had got a camera to keep kissing his wife. They only stopped when George tapped them both on the thigh with a book and reminded them they had a wedding party to attend.

As everyone began to return the chairs to their rightful places (a challenge, as no one had thought to label them, and it wasn't as though people had matching sets to begin with), people slowly started heading towards the Tipsy Bison to celebrate. Before he left, Jon handed over a small piece of paper to Maria, grinned, and then ran off to follow Eugene to the bar. Looking down, Maria and Tommy saw a polaroid photo of them - they hadn't even known anyone had managed to find a working camera, and had assumed they wouldn't be able to have wedding photos. They headed inside to put the photo on the mantelpiece, Tommy scooping Maria up into his arms to carry her over the doorway.

‘What? I get to do some traditional things!’ he protested at Maria's squeak at being suddenly picked up, before she silenced him with a kiss.

‘Ready to go see how fast we can sneak out of our own wedding party and come home?’ Maria asked, smoothing her dress with her hands, trying and failing to get the wrinkles out of the linen. She hadn't realised how thankful she was they'd finally got the dam up and running until she was ironing the dress, so thankful she didn't have to try and discover how people ironed clothes before electric irons.

‘We could just skip it entirely,’ offered Tommy, stepping close to his wife, arms coming up around her waist, lips dipping to brush along her cheekbone.

‘Tommy, darling, we have to show up for a little bit. First dance and all that jazz,’ she said, gently pushing his chest until he let her go.

‘Wait we are actually doin’ the first dance? I thought you were fuckin’ with me. Maria, darlin’, you know damn well the only dance I can do is line dancing,’ Tommy said, slightly freaking out.

‘Tommy we just sway together for thirty seconds, you can manage that,’ Maria reasoned, soothing her husband. He sighed, grabbed their jackets in case they stayed longer than expected and the temperature dropped, and they headed to the Tipsy Bison. As well as the people who'd been there for the actual ceremony, most of the rest of the town seemed to be there. The alcohol was flowing, with glasses of champagne pressed into both of their hands, and there was a huge spread of food as well as the wedding cake.

In the end, it took them an hour and a half to make their escape, Maria being the one to break first, grabbing Tommy's hand where he was chatting to a few of the patrol team, and bodily pulling him out the door, to the cheers and whistles of their fellow partygoers. Tommy, pressing Maria into their front door and kissing her deeply, commented smugly,

‘I win the bet on who breaks first then,’ he laughed, referencing his promise on the way to the Tipsy Bison that he could persuade her to make them leave before she persuaded him.

‘You started telling me what you wanted to do to me in Spanish, that's cheating,’ Maria said, breathless and unbuttoning Tommy's shirt as she pushed him in the direction of the stairs.

‘No, it's making use of what you have. And I have a wife who thinks it's sexy when I speak Spanish,’ he responded, picking her up to carry her up the stairs, before pausing for a moment,

‘I love ya’ so much, Maria.’

‘I love you too, Tommy.’

Tommy had always tried to keep his promises, but laying next to his wife, a gentle sheen of sweat on both of their skins, matching rings on their left hands, he didn't regret breaking the promise to his younger self to never marry for a moment. It was an oath sworn on incomplete information, but now he knew what he was missing, how wonderful it could be. And having finally got married himself, he decided that marriage was actually a pretty good idea.

#hbo tlou #tlou #the last of us #tlou fic #tommy miller #joel miller #tommy x maria #maria mill #joel x tess #tessjoel

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