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stsgooo · 3 months

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moonlit goddess.... maybe jinshi is wondering why his dear maid continues to pull away from him... and maybe gao shun lets it slip that "they shouldn't have been close that day anyway".... and jinshi pesters him until he folds n explains.... IDK I JUST WANT A HAPPY ENDING FOR THOSE TWO :((((( (not forced ofc!! i jus love ur writing!)

Bridge the Gap.

✩࿐ summary: life and death really makes a girl wonder.

warning(s): idiots in love, chapters 61-65 manga spoilers, master/servant like relationship, description of near drowning, suggestive content, ambiguous ending. wc; 9.3k

pairing(s): jinshi/fem!reader.

a/n: tysm for reading my fics means the world to hear ppl actually enjoy them, anon!!! ;') i wasn't really going to make a 2nd part of moonlight goddess as i thought it was okay to leave off there, but i love jinshi sooo i'll take any excuse to write him. this was initially going to be a part 2 of clumsiness, but i figured my plans worked better with what you were envisioning! im not entirely sure how to feel about this, but i hope this lives up to the standards! i apologize for any mistakes, this was written mostly in the early mornings when i had time!

part i. m.list

"Are you sure I'm not hurting you?"

"Y/N, please, stop asking me that."

"Oh, yes. My apologies, Jinshi-sama. Sorry."

This were, admittedly, not going well. Both of you soaked, hair dripping, and standing in the cave behind a rapid waterfall, and a dull ache in your chest as you recovered. Partly your fault, partly the fault of some crazed marksman that was hiding in the forest, trying to slaughter Jinshi and, by proxy, you.

To understand how you two ended up in this situation, we would have to back up a bit.

"Oh? Y/N, I didn't know you'd be attending this as well?"

"It was a last minute switch with Suiren and I."

"You... enjoy these hunts?"

"I've done everything I could to avoid them in the years past."

Your lack of excitement was apparent and clear. It appeared to bring no ease of mind to Maomao who dragged her rather disgusted eyes from you towards Gaoshun. The older man just kept his attention on the moving scenery outside, a distant glaze over his eyes.

Maomao obviously wasn't optimistic. Just like you. You were almost proud that she had caught on so easily.

The sweltering heat outside seemed to seep into the carriage, cooking you alive in your rather formal wear. Something that you were spotted in far and few, having been years that you truly cleaned yourself prim and proper. You had been on the edge of declining even going when Jinshi, with a grin and a certain glitter in his eyes, had too happily informed you that it was a direct invitation from Shishou.

Your fate had been sealed.

Maomao peeked at you from the corner of her eye, head tilted, "Do you mind me asking why you avoided these events?"

You don't even spare her a glance, "I fear if I spoke my honest opinion, I'd stain Jinshi-sama's reputable name with my foul mouth." You reply flatly in return.

"Please don't." Gaoshun said softly from his seat, looking particularly tired.

You decided to ignore the slump of Maomao's shoulders as if disappointed by the swift interruption and decline on Gaoshun's part. Turning your eyes towards the shifting world outside.

It'd been exactly five months since Jinshi had danced under the moon and you came to the conclusion that any impure thoughts you held for your master would be safely tucked away in the back of your mind (and heart). Forever your secret. Only to be heard in your dreams and upon your death, when you repent for any ill thoughts to the Great Man above.

Everything had returned to its normal routine. You would get up in the morning, prepare breakfast alongside Suiren, eat, then proceed with any chores the woman gave you for the rest of the day, then repeat. Equally, your relationship (or lack thereof) with Jinshi had remained the same. Conversations filled with pleasantries. Simple things that had always lingered between the two of you since you were children. Pleasant and simple. As the world shall ever be.

It got a bit ruffled with Jinshi had cornered you and practically ordered that you come to the hunt instead of Suiren.

In the middle of scrubbing away at the floors, he had found you. Stood above you with that grin, “Y/N, you’re one of my most loyal servants, hm?” He’d begun with an inflection in his tone that made you horribly hesitant.

You had faltered in your scrubbing to stare up at him with confusion, “Uh…well, I suppose, Jinshi-sam’s.”

“Why don’t you join me for the Hunt this up coming week?”

Your had heart dropped. And, by the look Gaoshun had dawned, his had too. The Hunt, in your humble opinion, was a glorified weekend for the men in high positions to rub one off while killing animals. It wasn’t something you found interesting in or much grace. That’s why you had declined Suiren’s question on whether or not you’d like to take her place only three days prior. You had no interest in watching anyone, even Jinshi, size each other up while a defenseless animal bled.

“Jinshi-sama, I believe Suiren—“

Ever the gentleman, he had cut you off, “No worries, Suiren agreed to take over matters while you’re gone! She’s the sweetest, right?” He had appeared all to eager and all too himself for you to ignore.

So, with a heavy heart, you’d sighed, accepting defeat and his invitation.

Now, you would find your torture for a multiple day retreat with a bunch of men with their c—

The carriage came to an abrupt halt, bringing an unruly end to your thoughts as you all carefully exited and were greeted by the sunshine. The humid air heavy with the condensation of the area and already making a sweat appear on your brow. But, ever the lady, you pleasantly tuck your hands into your sleeves and follow behind Gaoshun and Basen.

You were a little surprised as Maomao stuck closely to your side; but not all too surprised to find her attention on your surroundings, vague surprise in her eyes. The area was as equally as beautiful as it was a burden to you.

The buildings weren't anything for you to revel at. Spending an entire lifetime within palaces and in buildings as equally or above standard to those, it just wasn't anything special. The nature surrounding the area, however, was something to stare in awe at. Lucious trees, beautiful grass, and beautiful array of plants and flowers. It almost made you regret all the time you had spent away from this place.

But it wasn't like you had the chance to truly return since the last time you were here. Nothing could bring back that little girl.

You deterred your thoughts away as Gaoshun slid the door open. Immediately, you were hit with a wave of heat that you made you tense up. It was apparent that you wouldn't find your much needed cool down you were desperate to find since you were confined in the carriage days prior.

You were the last to enter and when you did, you faltered at the sight before you.

Jinshi was sprawled across the couch, wisps of his dark hair framed his sweat glistened face, eyes closed in contempt. A small dent appeared between his eyebrows and a frown adorned his face. However, your attention was caught on a drop of sweat that made its way from his hairline, down his cheek, his jaw, his long slender neck, and past his— his collar.

His modesty was of no worry, apparently, as he laid with his robes parted open to reveal his chest. Itself was glistening with sweat. Delicate skin on showcase for all to see. It brought a soft blush to your cheeks, as you blatantly ogled him. Pressing your lips together to contain whatever thoughts you had about him from burst from your seams.

"Y/N," Jinshi's voice hit your ears, tender and smooth. You're suddenly hyperaware that he's staring at you with raised brows, lids peeked open to stare at you.

You straighten your back and offer a bow, "Jinshi-sama. Do you require anything?" You had to get it together. It was inappropriate to behave in such a scandalous way. "Request for ice? Tea?"

Jinshi shook his head, sitting up, "No, rather I'd like for you to rest after such a long journey."

You falter, your arms wavering from their position in front of your face, "Uh.... Wouldn't the room be more tolerable with some ice?" You spare a glance around the room and grimace. The windows are shut tight, only bits of sun peeking through the cracks. Basen looks rather miserable, but trying to appear his usual stern self. While Gaoshun and Maomao seem rather okay with showcasing their small discontent with the heat. A nice cube would help at least cool down a bit.

You also couldn't stand another second seeing Jinshi like that. As if he were some type of nymph testing your faith.

"Really, it's fine—" Jinshi attempted, but you were already turning on your heel.

"I will return with ice." You didn't miss the way Jinshi's face fell and his eyes cut to Gaoshun who shook his head in return.

Your fast paced adventure led you to the main hall, where people were moving in and out. Various officers and servants filled the area, finding their rooms or helping their masters and fellow officers to their own rooms. Everyone appeared to be feeling the heat as they wiped their brows. Much like you, they appeared to be attempting to defeat the heat.

You found your way towards an attendant who helped you get something situated for Kousen. Something that brought you both distaste and irritation. Something to be addressed at a later time.

Joy filled you as you turned around, ice would soon be in the room and you could crowd around it like it was a new lover.

As you were about to make your way back to the room, you ran into someone.

You were about to apologize when they whirled around and you let out an audibly sigh that conveyed your unwavering exhaustion for them.

"Hey, watch where— Oh, hey, " Lihaku blinked, kind face twisted up in vague recognition. “You’re that lady-in-waiting. What are you doing out here?”

“I’m on loan from Jinshi-sama,” you answered rather flatly, not missing the small frown accompanying the man’s face.

You were vaguely familiar with Lihaku. What with Maomao getting involved in the problems within the inner and rear palace, you were bound to make new acquaintances when she was dragging you around. Lihaku was the first one you had ran into. On orders to accompany the girl from Suiren, you had gotten to see her investigative skills firsthand. You were impressed, surely, when she had made the discovery about the potatoes. But the impression was overshadowed by Lihaku, who had spent the entire time chatting your ear off.

He was kind, handsome, and smart when it called for it. But you could tell that, like most officers, he had an airheaded vibe to him. One that deterred you from making things too complicated with him.

Friendly enough, and one of the few people that didn't seem to disinterest Maomao, you accepted his very vague and shadowed feature in your life.

"Well, that's nice of him." He said, clearly disinterested in where this conversation was going. "I'm glad to see a friendly face, though."

You offered a small smile, "As am I. Not many kind faces around here often."

"You can say that again." You hear a loud inhuman snort and a tug on your gown, taking a large step back, you look down. A large dog with drool leaking out from the sides of its mouth stared back at you. "Oh, hey, boy, no!"

"O-Oh my." You uttered, slightly breathless as you looked at the large beast.

Lihaku glanced at you, offering a withering smile, "Eh, sorry, he gets excited around new people— not a great trait in a dog like this, you would think, but he's a real gem. Just has his moments. Hey, now—"

Lihaku pulled out something metal and brought it to his lips, then blew. It emitted little to no sound, at least, any you could truly hear, making your perk up when the dog tilted his head and sat respectfully before the officer. He blew again and the dog laid. Again, and the dog stood on all fours.

You smiled softly, watching in wonder as it obeyed whatever silent orders it was getting from Lihaku.

"He's very smart." You observed as the dog sat down again.

"Right?" Lihaku beamed, "I can get him to come running from kilometers away if need be."

"Useful when you're in a bind."

"For sure!" Lihaku's demeanor reminded you of a proud father as he puffed his chest and looked distastefully towards the cages lined up outside. "He's real smart, yet they still want to use those birds in the end."

You didn't want to point out the various problems that could come with using a dog; as there were probably another list of various pros to actually use the dog. The hawks had been used for years and you doubt that some dogs would be taking their place any time soon. It'd probably be a long time before these arrogant men came to their senses and found better means. Despite dogs being loyal and determined to their cause, the hawk would always be chosen.

Or, the better alternative, they didn't do this hunt anymore.

But you knew that was a longshot.

It wasn't long after that you bid Lihaku a farewell and good luck on his duties, making your way back to the room. You exchanged pleasant smiles and greetings with familiar faces, but nothing that kept you from relaxing much longer.

When you returned to the room, everyone had found their own areas and activities to occupy themselves. Gaoshun and Basen were playing Go near the windows, Maomao was reclining on the floor where a sliver or air was flowing through (from where, you weren't completely sure). Jinshi was back to sitting on the couch, a book in his hands. Something that was quickly disregarded as you gently closed the door behind you.

"The ice should be up soon." You informed the room with a respectful bow.

Jinshi didn't look at all interested, "What took you so long?" It sounded like contempt. Irritation if you had to really dig. Something that made you falter.

You look up and see the pout on his lips— childish, as always. "Oh, I'm sorry, Jinshi-sama. I happened to run into a friend and got caught up in conversation." You apologized softly. The last thing you wanted to do was bring him more annoyance and disturbance.

He straightened considerably, "A friend?"

You didn't like the way it was spoken. A touch of disbelief was enough for you to eye him with your own distaste. Even if you and Lihaku were nothing more than strangers with vague familiarity with one another.

"Yes, a friend." You confirmed with thin lips. Despite your inner voice telling you to reign in your attitude, you upturn your nose and decide to join Maomao— whose eyes were shooting between the both of you with trepidation and vague sympathy. "He was being kind."

Jinshi huffed, "I didn't know you had any secret friends."

"Not a secret. Just don't find any time to speak about it with you, Jinshi-sama."

That made the man falter, a darkened shadow over his face. "I suppose." He frowned heavily now, squinting at you with something unreadable. "Who is this friend of yours?"

You, finding no reason to lie, continued on, "Officer Lihaku."

In an instant, three heads snapped to you with varying degrees of emotions. Maomao looked shocked, but welcomed the information with a shrug. Gaoshun looked pale and overwrought, for whatever reason you weren't entirely sure, but you had an itching feeling it had to do with Jinshi.

The same Jinshi that was now face down on the couch, letting out a miserable sound. Speaking into the fabric of it all, unintelligiable. But you swore you heard something along the lines of— "that second rate, again?!" As he continued to rant and cry.

With that, you decided it best to not involve yourself with whatever Jinshi was battling. You wouldn't win anyway.

You'd always hated Kousen-sama.

He almost always seemed to loom in the shadows. An masked man who held no personality or words of his own. Pleasantries offered out of necessity and not because that was simply the right thing to do. He was mysterious. He hardly appeared, but he was always there. A reminder for what things would return to one odd day. A symbol for exactly where your loyalties and master lied.

Kousen-sama was to always appear before others with his mask on. To avoid them seeing the ghastly sight of scars and blemishes that adorned his skin because of his sickness (whatever that may be) and spare him the indecency of stares. He was unmoving. Stone amongst he lively environment that ate away at their lunches and softly conversed with one another.

Prince. The respectable Kousen-sama. The great son of the empire. The brave prince against all odds.

Oh, how much you hate Kousen-sama.

But you still had woken up early to help him pin his hair back. To slip his robes on. To delicately place the mask on, fingering the bangs out through the slits to allow some type of familiarity. You were his confidant. His reliable and kind servant.

As always, you and Basen stood behind Kousen-sama with your backs straight and eyes ahead. A pleasant servant on loan and stern guard, you both were familiar faces against the unrecognizable figure in front of you. It reminded the people exactly who was before them. Exactly who had decided to grace their presence.

Still, it brought you discomfort.

You still eyed Gaoshun in the corner of you eye. The older man sat at the other end of the table. Maomao standing behind him with a distant look in her eyes, obviously not paying attention to the things happening around her. Not entirely surprising, but you felt the overwhelming urge to scold her for her lack in etiquette.

Oh, you're starting to think like Suiren, aren't you?

Suddenly, Basen is tensing up beside you and Kousen-sama is turning his head away from a scowling Shishou. Your eyes snap between the two with a scowl of your own. Whatever that man had said—

Kousen-sama's hand clenches. So tightly that his knuckles turn white and he shakes. You know something isn't right. You had missed something. Something so obvious and you were too concerned about Gaoshun.

The man stands from his chair, the legs loudly clattering against the tiled and stone floor. You watch uneasily as Kousen-sama raises, takes a moment to collect himself, then practically speeds away from the room. You don't waste a moment to bring your sleeve covered hands to your mouth and make your own exit.

As you pass a concerned Maomao and Gaoshun, you hear a barely uttered whisper from the girl— heat. Food.

You try to hide your confusion and worry as you follow behind your master.

It doesn't take you long to find him.

Down the path, up against a tree, the masked figure was hunched and obviously breathing heavily. You draw closer, outstretching a hand to gently press it against the large expanse of his back.

"Kousen-sama, are you quite alright?" You ask softly, hunching slightly to capture a glimpse of his eyes from that slit in the fabric.

When you do, you're almost breathless. His violet eyes are alight with something distant and scornful. Eyebrows furrowed as he meets your own gaze.

"Y/N...?" He sounded vaguely surprised under it all, breathless himself. As if he couldn't quite believe that you were here in front of him.

You nod once, reaching out and grabbing ahold of one of the ties keeping the mask all together. "I'm going to remove this. No one is around."

His hand is suddenly wrapped around your wrist. Not tight or unrelenting, but enough to make you freeze. Warm and clammy skin against your own to make you feel scorched. You don't need to see his entire face to know that his jaw was clenched now.

"I can't," he said in all his self-assuredness, "Someone might still come."

What a pain. You thought to yourself as you draw in a heavy breath.

You don't waste a second to slip under his arm, wrapping it around your shoulders and allowing him to lean most of his weight against you. "No worries, sir, I'll just find us some place where no one else is around."

You gently guide Kousen-sama from the line of trees and deep within it. Finding an oddly familiar path created within your mind to follow that takes you towards an overflowing waterfall. A loud crash of water hitting the rocks and body of water below that brought you a distant sense of comfort. The refreshing smell of the water hits your nostrils and you take a deep breath.

With Kousen-sama against you, you felt the sweltering heat hit you tenfold. But the mist from the waterfall brushed against your skin like a gently caress from an old lover.

This is it.

You stumble over to one of the few trees next to the waterfall and gently guide Kousen-sama to sit up against it. The man took a heavy breath and you finally felt a little at ease. Reaching forward, you moved to take the cloth off once again and then—

A loud thud and chunks of dirt hit your cheek.

You frowned, looking to the ground only a could feet away and saw a small crater. A sharp smell filled your senses and you stiffened. It was an unkind and almost putrid scent. The smoke from the small crater was the main cause.

"Eh—?"

You were suddenly cut off as Kousen-sama wrapped his arms around you, jerking you upwards and away from the tree. You would've basked in the way his body was pressed against your back or the way his fingers seemed to mold into your abdomen— you would've if it weren't for the loud crack in the air then the pieces of bark that flew through the air around you.

The tree that he had been pressed up against only moments ago was now split open with a piece of metal imbedded into the wood. It looked eerily similar to the same that had been in the ground moments ago.

"Is that a feifa?!" His voice pierced through your thoughts, oddly frantic and uneasy as he moved quickly from the tree and towards the river.

You glanced up at him and found him already staring down at you. Eyes narrowed and, if it weren't for the mask, his entire face would be scrunched up in that familiar distaste and panic. Yet he seemed eerily calm as he dragged you through the trees and into the water.

"Sorry, but this is gonna get a bit dramatic." His voice was soft against your head, warm breath caressing your hair as he wraps a protective arm around your head.

Your eyebrows raise, "Dramatic— WHAT?" You should've known his tone and choice of his words were a warning for what was to come, but you were still caught off guard.

He gave no indication that he was going to jump off the cliff.

"Jinshi, you goddamn idiot!"

You mustn't get ideas above your station.

The water was oddly clear. Even with the mix of the overflowing waterfall, under it all was peaceful and calm. Fishes and water like insects lived in harmony.

Cool and calm. Always.

You are there to serve your master.

The little boy's head burst from the water with a big grin, short hair flat against his head and dripping. The sun reflecting off his violet eyes and almost blinded the little girl curled up on the side shore. Her face set into a scowl, clothes drenched, and a looming unimpressed older man behind her.

"It's so nice out, why don't you come in!" Beckoned the boy from the water.

The little girl shot him a nasty look, "You know why, you jerk!"

The boy's grin faltered, tilting his head at his friend, "Eh? Why are you being mean?" His voice wavered on the ends, still just floating in the middle of the basin.

"I'm not mean! You're mean! You're the biggest meanie!" The little girl stood up to throw an accusatory finger at the boy, her sleeve heavy and uncomfortable as she moved.

The boy's face reddened, eyebrows scrunched together, "I'm not mean! You're mean!" He repeated.

"No, you are! You're the biggest meanie in the whole wide world!"

"No, you are!"

"You are! You pushed me into the water!"

"You are! You should swim!"

"I hope you drown, meanie!"

The boy's expression fell completely. A heartbroken glint in his eyes flooding them. His lips trembled. But, before he could do something like cry, he was already swimming deeper

Nothing less, nothing more.

"Now, now," a large hand rested on the little girl's shoulder and gently tugged her back, turning her around to face the man. He seemed to be trying to appear as tender as he could to try calm down the girl's high nerves. "No need to get angry."

"But, Gaoshun—" The little girl whined.

Gaoshun shook his head, patting her shoulder, "No, we don't argue. Try to forgive and forget, yeah?" He reminded the lessons that he'd attempted multiple times to teach the two children. "No reason to walk around with resentment for others, right?"

The little girl scoffed her shoe against the ground, a pout on her lips, "Do I have to, Gaoshun?" She knew what this would call for. Exactly how this would end for her.

The man heaved a sigh, nodding, "Yes, you do. Now, go reconcile. I'll wait here."

The girl faltered as the man raised to his full height, cupping his hands behind his back. She dragged her feet through the soft soil and found her way towards the boy once more. He was grasping onto the edge of the bank, sniffling and snorting. His shoulders shook and his face was stuffed into his arms.

The little girl frowned. "Um... Are you okay?"

The boy stiffened, not turning around as he answered, "No."

"I'm sorry, I said something real mean." The little girl uttered, stepping closer as she clutched her wet clothes. "I just... You pushed me into the water, I can't..."

"I thought you were my friend!" The little boy whirled around on her, face red and eyes filled with big tears. He looked enraged but incredibly disheartened. The girl blinks in return as the boy glares. "You say such mean things to me. Friends aren't supposed to be mean!"

The girl clenched her jaw, "You were mean to me first!" She accused.

The boy sniffled, wiping under his nose with his forearm. "You're my friend." He repeated as if that cleared up any anger.

Nothing more, nothing less.

The little girl slowly sat beside him, her feet dipping under the water. "It is nice." She whispered.

The little boy dragged his eyes upwards, looking hurt but hopeful. "Right?" he asked, equally as quiet.

"You're my friend too, Jinshi." The little girl nudge him with her leg.

Jinshi's eyes twinkled, wide and all too bright, "Really?"

"Really." The little girl confirmed with a toothless grin. "My friend forever and ever!"

Jinshi positively beamed, the water sloshing as he jumped happily. "Forever and ever, and ever!"

"And ever!"

"It's no longer... appropriate for you and Jinshi-sama to be friends."

"I don't... I don't understand. He's my friend."

"His mother no longer finds it appropriate for you to concern yourself with Jinshi."

"But, Gaoshun—"

"No, Y/N. It's over. Come along. Suiren has a present for you."

"He's.... He's my friend...."

"I'm so sorry."

You are to give your life to your master.

The woman paused, back pin straight, as she entered her master's office, finding him curled up in the corner, muttering nonsensically to himself. The guard of said master was watching on with a pitiful expression of his own, only breaking his eyes away when the woman entered the room. His expression only seemed to deepen.

She didn't need to ask. There was an unspoken understanding as to what their master's breakdown was regarding. The Apothecary. The one that had gotten the attention of everyone in the palace as of late. The one that had been causing her great grief as of late— and was about to create more.

"Jinshi-sama?" The woman called softly, stepping closer.

Jinshi's lifeless eyes continued to stare at the floor below him. A gentle rocking seeming to soothe himself from the rages of his mind. "I don't need anything, Y/N. Thank you, kindly." He uttered just as lifelessly.

The devoted servant's chest clenched. Her face flushed as she reached out a wavering hand. To place it delicately against his hunched back. To offer her best comforting words that she could. To distract him away from her.

Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

She faltered. This wasn't her place. This wasn't a part of her duties unless Jinshi said so. Inappropriate behavior wasn't called for. It will be punished severly.

Retracting her hand, she stands, and offers a respectful bow. "Please call me if you need anything, Jinshi-sama." And left him in his dark corner.

"Gaoshun, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, Jinshi-sama."

"You have been in my life for as long as I can remember. You remember more than I possibly could about my younger years. Whatever happened to cause me and Y/N to fall apart?"

"...."

"It had to be around the time I was eight that I noticed we were growing apart. Even now, I see it so clearly."

"It's been a long time, Jinshi-sama. You're no longer children."

"All the more reason to know, isn't it?"

"I don't know...."

"Gaoshun, nothing will come of it. I'm simply curious."

"..."

"I'm sorry to put you in this position. Please return to what you were doing."

"Jinshi-sama.... you might not like the truth..."

"I usually don't."

"Where to begin.... Before her eighth birthday—"

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"H....E—"

Everything felt so muffled. Faraway. Featherlight.

Was that a pressure against your chest? A thump that came into quick successions, then stopped. For something soft and ever so delicate to press against your lips?

Everything was distant. So far away from your grasp. From your state of being. As if you were already long gone from whatever reality you were in moments ago.

"H—"

It was almost like floating. A gentle sway and a crack.

A joyful gliding against the sky that soothed you away from worries and woes.

Thump. Thump. Lips.

Repeating endlessly. Happily. Wetly?

Thump. Thump. Lips.

You welcomed it. Whatever it was. Whatever kept the rhythm. The wonderful rhythm.

Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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THUMP. THUM—

You shot up with a cough.

Your throat burned and head ached terribly. Your eyes almost felt like they were about to pop out of your head and roll away. You felt horrible.

It didn't help that you were drenched from head to toe either.

Beside you, there was a heavy and loud sigh of relief as he fell to his backside. He let a silence fall over you both as you recovered, hand pressed against your throat and heaving.

Jesus. Had you almost...

The thought alone almost made you sick.

"I'm sorry. I thought.... I didn't think you still couldn't swim." His voice was soft, barely heard over the waterfall. Kind and cautious, worried and terrified. Things that seeped from his tone as if it were bleeding out and bearing all its insides to you.

Exposing him to you.

You peeked over your loose strands of hair to glare viciously at him. "When would I have the time to learn to swim?" You shot back ruthlessly, not entirely caring from etiquette in this moment. "You've lost your mind."

"Right." Jinshi immediately agreed, almost looking fearful as he watched you.

You push yourself up and take in a deep breath, coughing slightly at the burn of your throat. Taking in your surroundings, you swore that this was that—

"Are you really alright?"

You glanced back at the man and found him still sat on the damp ground. His eyebrows are furrowed and a small frown on his lips as he stared up at you. It made you uncomfortable. To see such a glittering violet staring back at you earnestly. Honestly.

You instead clutch onto your dress, "Suiren is gonna kill me." You scoff, tugging the garments apart.

You could hear Jinshi sputter behind you. The gravel and dirt below him crunching as he probably scrambled up from his spot.

You spared a feeble look over your shoulder to find him with his eyes clenched slowed, hand covering your body from his gaze. You snap your gaze back around and tug the fabric a little too hard as you scoff.

You wouldn't deny the pang of hurt that clenched your chest.

"Don't worry, Jinshi-sama, you won't have to see my unruly body of mine for long. I just want to make sure Suiren doesn't slaughter me when we return."

"I— No, I'm just— okay." He finally muttered.

You are stripped down to your underthings, placing the dress and various pieces on the ground as delicately as you can to avoid too much dirt being stained into the fabric.

As you place the last bit of clothing down, you hear the flutter of fabric behind you.

Jinshi is a bright red, gently tossing his robe down behind him. His back is facing you and you know its for whatever mock sense of modesty he wants to give the both of you. You instinctively reach out and take his robe in your grasp, twisting it and squeezing it to watch out a fair amount of water drip out.

"You worry about mine later. Take care of your things first."

Yeah, right, You think as you twist it with an unrelenting grip. You are there to serve your master. It's one of the first things you learn. His needs came before your own. His needs were your needs.

Jinshi snatched the robe away and squeezed the fabric tight, an overflowing amount of water released from the cloth and into the ground.

Okay, so maybe he was better at it than you.

You nod, turning your attention towards your own garments and try to ignore the overwhelming feeling that you had eyes on your rear.

"So, um—" Jinshi cleared his throat when his eyes dragged away from you, cheeks a bright red. "What now?"

"Well, we could attempt at trying to swim back—"

"You can't swim."

"I was going to say that."

"Oh, sorry."

There's a soft silence between the both of you as you finish up. Gently redressing, you make your way towards the entrance of the cave, where the waterfall is blocking it from any negative eyes. You press your lips into a thin line and regard it bitterly. You remember this waterfall.... you could recall the times you whimsical pondered what it'd be like to ride down it like in those stories.

Jinshi had promised such when you both were too young and too dumb to realize how naïve dreams like that were.

You couldn't really judge that mini-you, for you had your own dreams of—

"Remember when Gaoshun first brought us here?"

You hadn't realized that Jinshi made his way over until he was standing beside you. Robes lose over his shoulders and tugging on his top layer. Violet eyes were watching the water as if it were a canvas of memories in the long distant past. Something to be admired and viewed with daisies and smiles. Not to be addressed as anything but good or amazing. Not to see the truth of it all.

You press your lips together, drawing in a heavy breath, "I remember you pushing me in the water and Gaoshun having to pull me out."

Jinshi's face screws up slightly, a faint blush on his features as he almost looks around with shame. "Right...." He straightens, "I'm sorry."

You blink, "Huh?"

Jinshi glances at you with a small smile, "I, uh, never really apologized back then. Made you apologize like you did something wrong." He explains weakly.

You raise an amused brow, "I told you I wished you would drown."

"I kinda deserved it!" Jinshi counters, his lips cracking into a grin. That charming grin he gets that makes your heart flutter. Make you hopeful for terrible and wistful. "I'm real sorry."

You smile softly, eyes kind and soft as you regard him, "I forgave you a long time, Jinshi-sama."

Jinshi's expression faltered, "Don't call me...." He trailed off awkwardly, turning his attention back to the unrelenting waterfall. You watched him for that moment. That split second where it looked like he was actually going to say something that would make you lightheaded. His jaw working and the muscle jumping as he seems to contemplate his next words.

Say anything and I'll cling to it, You think, watching his lips part, I always have. I always will.

"I'm surprised you were the one that followed me out. I thought the Apothecary might've done it."

You tense. That was certainly not what you expected him to say. Of all the things he could say? The Apothecary.

The waterfall in front of you is suddenly much too loud and violent. The cave seems to darken and your eyes drag from Jinshi to stare at your bare feet. Of course. Of course. Why wouldn't he want Maomao? Why had you even came here? Who were you to get between whatever silent signal he was trying to send to the other girl.

Him and Maomao. It was nicer than him and you. Jinshi and Y/n.

You straighten, pushing down any ill thoughts and heavy feelings into the dark pits of your chest and mind. "I apologize for the intrusion. I thought it'd make more sense for me to accompany you, Jinshi-sama."

"Why are you apologizing....?" He trailed off and then made a noise that sounded eerily similar to that of a caught man. "No, wait, I'm really glad that you're the one who came! Like really glad!"

"You don't have to spare me, Jinshi-sama. I'm a woman now, not a little girl."

"I'm not—" He visibly slumps, closing his eyes and trying to collect whatever thoughts he has and place them appropriately. He draws in a breath and faces you, looking oddly serious compared to his usual self. "I'm not trying to spare your feelings. I was just trying to say that— Well, it's not— I want you here, Y/n."

He's sparing your feelings. He's being kind. He doesn't actually want you there. You can't be friends.

You don't spare him a response. Instead, walking further into the cave. You raise your eyebrows, looking at the gaping hole above you where light and the sounds of nature filtered in. What could possibly get you both out of there...?

Whistle. Sit.

Of course. Him.

Jinshi sighs, "I spoke to Gaoshun before we—"

You place your fingers in the corner of your mouth and blow. A loud whistle bounces off the cave walls and out of the hole. You wait and hope to hear a bark or see the familiar tall man, but there's nothing.

"What are you doing?" Jinshi asks slowly, glancing between you and the hole above.

"Hello?" You cup your hands over your mouth and shout as loudly as you can. "Is anyone out there?"

Jinshi frowns, staring at you uneasily, "Y/n, please, we don't want to attract them this direction."

In the mess of almost drowning and seeing peeps of Jinshi's bare skin, you'd almost forgotten that you both had been chased down here by some violent assassin. Rather foolish, if you were honest.

You place the tips of your fingers against your lips and try to force the blush spreading across your cheeks off. "Sorry." You offer a bow of your head, despite the position you both find yourselves in.

You receive no response which causes you to peek at him. The stare that he's leveling you with doesn't bring you any type of comfort. It usually meant he was about to say something that—

"Hop on my back and see if you can reach up there."

—you wouldn't like.

Your eyebrows shot upwards and you stared at him with wide eyes. If Suiren was here and knew what he just proposed, she'd positively lose her mind. No matter how long she had known you— she'd think it improper. He was your boss and you were his lowly servant. To be in an position above him or treating him like a mat, it was...

It was simply ridiculous.

"But—"

"If you're the one below, you'll get crushed." He jabs a thumb over his shoulder. "Do it."

And that's how you ended up here. Legs wrapped around Jinshi's shoulders and heads, hand reaching out for the dirt above. You dig your fingers in and glance down at the man below you.

"Are you sure I'm not hurting you?"

Jinshi sighed for what seemed the hundredth time that day, his hand on your thigh squeezing gently. "Y/N, please stop asking me that."

You grimace, "My apologies, Jinshi-sama. Sorry." You shakily raise from your place, ignoring the soft and deep grunt Jinshi gives as you stand on his shoulders.

You dig your nails into the damp dirt and begin to tug yourself up.

This is it. Finally, you could get into the open forest once again. You're not going to be suffocated by his presence. Everything will return back to its rightful places—

You froze when it smacked you in the forehead.

You tried to keep calm as you felt the slimy breathing thing rest on your skin. Body tensed up and eyes staring widely at the bright sky above.

"Y/N?" Jinshi softly called, noticing the way you tensed.

"F—Frog." You utter, jaw clenched tight and you felt it shift as you take a deep breath. "A frog."

Jinshi blinked, looking up at you with his own wide eyes, "Hey, don't-don't freak out! Just shake your head and it'll hop off."

You shake a little, but follow his instructions. However, you may have overestimated the shake as you lose your grip on the dirt and begin to fall back.

"Hey!"

The tumble down is short and not all that hurtful, like you had been expecting. You had closed your eyes in anticipation, fear of having to watch the ground quickly approach too much for your tiny heart. You expected to feel the damp mud to be seeping into your clothes and little bits of stone and bark digging into your skin. However—

Nothing.

There was nothing except the soft silk under your fingers. The scent that resembled a sweet fruit, one that you had smelt quite often in the mornings. In the noons, the evenings, the nights, repeat. You knew that smell and that familiar beat against your own chest.

Peeking your eyes open, you find that Jinshi is already staring back at you. The first thing you notice is that you both are extremely close to one another. His breath fans against your dewy face, making goosebumps raise off your skin and a shiver sent down your spin. Next is his tender expression, Eyes gentle and twinkling. His expression isn't filled with pain or anything that would indicate that he was uncomfortable with the very short distance between you both. The last thing you notice is the fact that your body is pressed against his.

Your complexion flushes and you blink down at him.

He's warm. Incredibly warm. A sharp contrast to his damp clothes, which are open and pooling under his shoulder blades, revealing his bare chest to you. Your breath is ripped from you as you stare at the plump skin. You've seen it a million times. Every day as you help him get ready for the day. It should be normal. Should be something that doesn't make you lightheaded.

But it does.

He's right there. Right against you. You can feel his heartbeat ramming against his chest and into yours. You can feel every small breath he takes—as if hanging onto this moment with, what? Trepidation? Unease? You weren't entirely sure but you knew that you felt light.

Was it so bad that you felt nice in this moment? That this warmth was wrong? Was it so out of your reach that you simply couldn't imagine a man wanting to embrace you in a way?

You are to give your life to your master. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

Yes. It was.

You clenched your jaw, ignoring the tender look in Jinshi's eyes as you try to bring your mind into the present.

The frog.

It wasn't anything that you wanted to touch, but Jinshi was your master. Your discomforts and fears must be pushed away for his sake and needs.

Reaching down, you feel for any signs of the frog. It wasn't large, but it wasn't entirely small either. It wouldn't be hard to find in all it's slimy and— There it is.

Your hand brushed it and you feel almost elated to find it. Your hand cupped around the bulge from Jinshi's robes. It feels much bigger than the average frog that'd been on your forehead. It was unmoving to, except for the small twitch it gives as you rest your palm down. You gripped it.

"Hng," Jinshi grunts, his eyes close. You're a little shocked as his hips shift, his hands at your hips dig into your flesh, almost too eager. You snap your eyes upward to his suddenly sweating and flushed face. "I-I'm sorry, but... but could you move your hand? It's making things, um, rather difficult."

Difficult?

You grip onto the twitching frog below you—

"U-Uh—" Jinshi moans in a deep and guttural way that would make anyone, especially you, malfunction. It doesn't help that his hands latch onto you harder, pressing you closer and releasing a stuttering breath against your ear.

Why was he squirming so much? Why was his face so red and dripping with sweat? Why was his chest heaving and his hands flexing around your skin? And why was this thing twitching and getting bigger in your hold....

Oh.

You are to give your life to your master. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

You felt a little sick at your intrusion. At the gall. You couldn't believe yourself. You had violated one of the single rules you were ever given. You violated Jinshi's space. His entire being. You were to be punished and hated— ousted from your position.

Disgusted with yourself, you slowly stand up. Jinshi's softly panting from his position on the ground, running a hand through his mused hair.

"S-Sorry, I haven't— I'm a bit—" Jinshi's obviously embarassed and uncomfortable. Look what you've done. You've ruined it all. "Hey, where are you going?"

Before you could think much more as his hands grip your hips once again and pull you down.

You're sat on his his lap and you could feel it.

"J-Jinshi-sama, I'm so-I'm so sorry!" You tucked your head down, shaking with trembling lips.

Jinshi's hands fall to your thighs, limp, "Eh...?"

"What I did was truly inappropriate and-and I will take any and all punishment!"

"Punishment...?" He sounded terribly confused, still a bit breathless. You keep your head ducked and he remains unmoved. "Why would I... you're not getting punished."

"I give my life to you. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished." You repeated softly under your breath, tucking your hands against your face to hide away from his gaze. From the judgement and hatred. "It's only just."

There's a longstanding silence between the both of you and you're hopeful that he's coming to his senses. That you'd be released and freed. That you would finally accept the gap and space between them. To fall away, finally, to the shadows.

It was tarnished the moment Jinshi wraps your hands around your own, gently prying your hands away from your face.

He doesn't look vengeful or angered. No. No, he looks kind. As he always has been. Kind and considerate. Honest and open. He'd always been so...

He'd never really been angry with you. Not without sadness being overbearing. Always so quick to forgive you. To push everything away with a smile and crinkle of his eyes.

"Y/N..." His words are as soft as his expression.

Your hands shake, "Please... Please hate me." You pleaded quietly, pressing your forehead against his hands as if he were a monk to be begged to.

"I'm not going to punish you or... or anything of the sort. Why would you want that?"

You draw in a watery breath, shoulders shaking, "It's easier to let go that way." You admitted.

"Let go of what?"

"Of my love for you."

"What?!"

His shout echoed off the cave walls. Your humiliation and embarrassment was quick to follow once it bounced back at you. Made you flinch back and try to push yourself back from his lap. Why did you say anything? Fool. Disgusting fool.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jinshi's hands wrap around your wrists and tug you forward a bit. You refuse to meet his eye. You refuse to be humiliated and demeaned— "Don't do that. Don't close off."

You clench your jaw and try to push the humilation deep within you, taking a deep calming breath as you stared at his bare collar. "You're so kind and so... you. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable or disgusted, but I need to tell you. And then I would hope that you would let me go."

Jinshi's eyebrows shot up. "Let you go?"

You've been thinking about this for some time. That it all would be better if, in the end, you were to serve someone else. That you were pawned off for some soldier instead of this slow torture. This uncomfortable, unbearable tiptoeing.

"I would like for you to offer me to a soldier or anywhere else."

The reaction is instant. The way Jinshi's complexion darkens and he stares at you with wide eyes. He slumps into the damp ground and almost turns into putty. His hold on you slackens and gives you ample opportunity to move away. But you're frozen in your spot.

"Why would I do that?" Jinshi's voice is quiet, slow, "You're... You're mine."

A blush takes over your cheeks, "Jinshi-sama, It's not appropriate! I shouldn't be like this with you."

"What if I like it?"

You blink at him. "Huh?"

Jinshi leans forward, his thumb gently skirting against your skin. "What if I have some love for you too? What if I don't care about what's appropriate or follows the rules."

I would ask who you are. You were tempted to say but your mouth was clamped shut in shock. Following the rules had been completely him. He was put in his current position now to ensure the rules in the rear palace were being followed diligently. The thought that he would love someone like you when there were people like Maomao or princesses out there. People much more deserving of his devotion. It wasn't right.

As if sensing you're not believing him, he pulls away and presses his lips thin. "Okay, I'll convince you." He straightens up and takes a breath. "I spoke to Gaoshun not too long ago. Before we came here and I know everything now."

A pause. Everything. He knew everything now? Everything is so much. Everything is... well, everything. What exactly had Gaoshun told him?

"What's everything?"

"That my mother didn't want you around anymore. That Gaoshun told you that you weren't allowed around me anymore. That you stopped being my friend and became my employee."

Your stare up at Jinshi with wide eyes. "That's not...Us being friends wasn't right anymore."

Jinshi frowned, shaking his head and his hands slide up to your arms. "If I had my way, I would've had you by my side all that time. Not as some lady-in-waiting, but as my equal."

You shake your head, ignoring the erratic beating of your heart against your chest. "Don't say that. Don't say things you don't mean, Jinshi." You beg softly.

Jinshi reaches out, wrapping his hands around your own, pressing it against his chest. "I mean it with everything in me. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have ever been separated from you. Forget what my mother said." His words were sweet, tempting. They made you lightheaded. So did the sudden brightness and tender smile on his face. "That's the first time you've called me Jinshi since we were kids."

"What? I've always called you Jinshi."

"No, you've always called me Jinshi-sama."

"Oh."

You suppose you had.

"Jinshi," You utter, unsure of what else you both could say.

Jinshi's expression, if possible, softens further, leaning forward an inch. "Yes?" He whispers back just as softly.

Your eyes trail between his eyes before moving to his lips, parted and glistening, "Jinshi..."

Jinshi's hand slides up your thigh and his lips are ghosting against yours, "I'm here. I promise." He whispers before pressing your lips together delicately.

Your heart soars. Your hands shakily press against his cheeks, drawing closer as his own press your hips together. He's soft. He's tender. He's cautious and all encompassing. Filling your senses and making you lightheaded.

As you both part for a breath, he flips you onto your back. His hand grips the underside of your thigh and presses you close enough that he lets out a soft and broken sound.

His eyes are heavily lidded as he gazes down at you, lips pink. "I just want you. No one else. I promise." He utters.

You twist your hands into his hair, eyes fluttering. "You're it." You pass back.

His lips are back on yours. Wet and eager. This is sudden. Fast. But you've been waiting for so long. Had been clinging onto the smallest of things. Desperate to have this closeness that you had now. To feel his skin against yours. His breath mixing with your own. Everything him and everything you intertwined.

You just wanted to cherish this—

WOOF!

You and Jinshi both tense up, jumping. Looking over his shoulder, your eyes widen upon finding a familiar dog staring down at you both, wagging tail eager and happy to see you.

Jinshi's eyebrows furrow, "Huh...?"

There's not much warning before the dog is jumping down. Landing straight on Jinshi's back, causing the poor man to let out a pained sound. He's squishing you against the ground as the dog stands on his back, happily lapping his tongue against your cheek.

Vague disgust and disappointment wash over you, but you smile all the same. "Oh, boy!"

He barks again. A greeting you're sure.

Above, Lihaku and, surprisingly, Maomao appear. Both of them stare down at you with varying degrees of emotions. Lihaku looked excited and kinda like his dog, while Maomao.

Well, Maomao looked all too knowing.

"Well, you look rough!" Lihaku called down with a grin, "Glad to see you're not dead."

"As am I!" You huff out a laugh, then look to Maomao. "Hello, Xiaomao!"

"Hello." Maomao said flatly, she looked lower and her face screwed up distastefully. "Is Jinshi-sama okay?"

Lihaku then he spots his dog and slightly pales, letting out a sharp whistle. "C'mon, boy!"

The dog eagerly jumps off Jinshi, going to sit by your head and wag his tail. The man above you sighs in relief, pushing up off you. He sits up and you try not to focus on the bright blush on his face.

"Why did he do that?" The royal asks.

"Must've thought something was wrong." Lihaku rubs the back of his neck, frowning down at you both. "What... exactly where you two doing?"

You and Jinshi glance at one another, furious blushes flushing over you both. Despite anything that Jinshi said, there were things that you weren't allowed to do. Rules and laws that forbid something like this form happening the public eye. For a man like himself from being with a woman like you. A servant with a beautiful prince.

Protecting him was the priority.

"Nothing!" You shout back, ignoring the eyebrow raise that garnered from both Jinshi and Maomao.

Everything was better left alone. A secret between the both of you. To cherish and hold for however long it may need. You could deal with the anger and longing later.

#✩࿐ t writes #jinshi x reader #apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries x reader #jinshi #jinshi x y/n #jinshi x you #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto x reader #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto #request #anon

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tinydefector · 26 days

Text

Star Gala dress

(Mtmte) Starscream × human reader

A small little thing I enjoy is Senator Starscream of Vos, and this also gave me the excuse to write about this dress.

WARNING: hints to future smut, mentioned nudity.

Wordcount: 2k

Request and ask open, read pinned post

________________

The young human liaison stands off to the corner of Starscream's office desk reading through appointments and schedules for upcoming events. "Sir, I have more council data for you," they call out to the Seeker as they turn and walk closer to him, transferring the schedules and meetings.

Starscream barely acknowledged the young human, continuing to pore over reports and schematics on his desk. As they approached, he let out an exasperated ventilation and raised his optics to meet their gaze.

"What is it now? I'm a very busy mech, in case you hadn't noticed." He gestured imperiously at the datapads stacked high around him. "I don't have time for the trivial matters. So this had better be important."

The seeker leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chromsteel cockpit impatiently. , he had little patience for being interrupted while working. But as the human was his earth embassedor, it was his unfortunate role to deal with their petulant requests and demands.

"Well? Out with it. I don't have all cycle," Starscream snapped. His piercing red optics bored down at the human, he knows he shouldn't be snapping at them, but the stress of the cycle was already getting to him.

They sigh softly, "There's gala that you have been requested to be at as one of the 'Repentant' and also new senator of Vos. They have asked that we both attend for publicity purposes. They want both the senator and the human ambassador attending. I believe they want you to do some speaking or such after the incident with those protested outside your home, but from what I can read its mainly just other higher ups of Cybertron's social networking coming together for political face value again" they reply while scrolling throught their own data pad.

Starscream let out an irritable ventilation at the news. "Another one of these pointless mingling exhibitions, I presume?" he hissed derisively.

Playing the politician was not something he had ever seen himself doing, he had been a military leader and scientist, but he had little choice as one of the few remaining Vosian Seekers with enough knowledge on political matters. Since the fall of Vos, he had taken up representing his Seeker constituents on Cybertron - whether he wanted to or not.

"And I suppose they think parading you around with me will make me seem more 'palatable' to the masses," he scoffed, glaring down at his little ambassador. As if mingling with snobby council mech wouldn't do his prossesor in more.

Still, he had little choice if he wished to hold onto the dwindling scraps of power and influence he had left. With a frustrated huff, Starscream rose from his seat. "Very well, we'll attend this affair," he grumbled begrudgingly. "But make no mistake - you are to stay by my side the whole even, primus knows im not hunting you down if one of those council mech get their servos on you. Try not to embarrass me."

A soft laugh leaves the embassdors lips'. "Sir considering you already put up with me as is, I won't be leaving your side regardless. Plus you enjoy my charming wit and gossip to much. But yes I believe they wish for you to show off our alliance" they reply with a smile to the Decepticon as they move closer to wards him.

Starscream let out an impatient vent at the human's response. "Your company is a necessary chore at best, fleshbag," he retorted. He glowered down at the tiny organic, wings flicking irritably.

They walk up closer staring him in the optics with a raised brow ans crossed arms . "A chore huh?, I didnt realise getting kisses being a chore Mr, guess i won't be sharing the bed with you tonight since its such a chore" they teases their lover, knowing full well they had caught starscream in a fib.

Starscream's optics flashed dangerously at the human's teasing remark. "Careful," he growled softly."

However, his armour flared subtly in reaction to their challenge. As much as he loathed admitting any weakness, this tiny organic had somehow managed to work their way past his defenses. Against his better judgment, the Seeker found himself strangely enamoured with the human.

Leaning down until his facial plates were mere inches from their upturned face, Starscream indulged in a quiet vent. "You know as well as I that appearances must be maintained in public," he stated lowly. "But in private...well. Let's just say I find your company... not entirely objectionable."

His clawed digit reached out to delicately brush their cheek in a rare unguarded moment of affection. Despite his cold demeanour, Starscream cared deeply for his consort, however much he refused to show such vulnerability openly.

A soft laugh leaves their lips as they run a hand across starscream's faceplate. "Hmmm, keep telling yourself that handsome," they reply before pressing a kiss to starscream's lips. " For all your snark and scowling, you're not as big of an asshole as you try to act." they hum contently.

Starscream's optics flashed at the human's brazen words, but he made no move to rebuke them further. Instead, he vented softly as their lips met his own, the gentle contact stirring something deep within his spark.

"In matters of politics and power, have weaknesses make you easy prey," he stated gruffly, though without his earlier bite. Seekers valued strength and cunning above all else.

Still, behind closed doors was another matter. "You have a most insolent mouth... but I confess, where you are concerned, I find I do not entirely mind."

His clawed digits reached to ghost almost tenderly along their cheek. Starscream found he was willing to set aside his usual façade. They had come to mean more to him than he ever dared admit.

"Hmm, glad you enjoy when I talk my mind, Stars." They pressed another kiss to his lips before just resting against starscream's bulk. "Fuck I need to find something decent to wear if I'm going to get paraded around a social gathering" they mumble softly. They weren't initially prepared for an event like that, most times they stuck to the office and were never far from the seeker.

Starscream let out a soft vent as their lips met once more. "In private, you may say what you wish, fleshling," he replied in a rumble. "But do try to mind your glossa in public. Less i have to get involved"

The Seeker peered down at their smaller form resting against him protectively. "As for appropriate attire, I may have something in storage that could suffice for your diminutive size."

During Vos's heyday, the Seekers had many diplomatic functions requiring certain getups. While the outfits were tailored for flightsuits and armour, perhaps a piece could be tailored down further for a human or some that were originally for pets of past senators.

"Come. Let us search my archives and see if any pieces are in presentable enough condition after vorns of neglect," Starscream said, extending a clawed digit for them to climb onto. The public face he showed the world was cold and severe, but in private moments, his consort brought out a softer, rarer side to the fierce Seeker.

Testing on clothing for a gala wasn't what they had planned, but it was enjoyable except for the fact that Starscream wasn't happy with anything they had been tired of yet. "Stars, this is the 8th outfit. Are you really that picky?" They ask while grabbing another outfit.

they slowly changed into it, making sure the chains hung the right way and the choker was set in place. They walk out wearing a shimmering black dress, which showed skin of their hips, neck chest, and arms. It makes starscream stop to admire. "What about this one?" The call out while double checking everything was in place.

Starscream's optics roved appraisingly over the human as they emerged wearing the shimmering black dress. "Hmm, not bad..." he murmured appreciatively. As much as he grumbled about the task, the Seeker did appreciate aesthetic beauty. and this particular outfit did justice to their form. "Spin," he says while making a motion with his servo.

"The material compliments your organic optical structure and plating," Starscream observed. As a scientist at Spark, he couldn't help but be intrigued by alien biology, however primitive. And he had to admit, the fragile frame could produce pleasing visual and tactile sensations on occasion.

Venting softly, the Decepticon stroked a clawed digit gently down their arm. "I suppose this one will suffice to showcase our...alliance, as they say. It highlights certain appealing assets while maintaining... some modesty." His mouthplates twitched in a rare half-smile. "You clean up passably well for a human, sparkbug."

They roll their eyes at starscream before grabbing his servo and pressing a kiss to it. "Glad you like how I clean up, Mr. demanding, your privilege is showing again," they reply with a teasing smile. "You could use a new lick of paint before the event too, don't want these little scratches on show" the state with a wink before walking to go get changed out of the dress and to store for the gala.

Starscream let out an amused vent at the human's spirited retort. "Insolent creature," he said with a hint of affection.

Still, he made no move to rebuke them further. As loath as he was to admit any chinks in his armor, this human was right, he did indeed need a new coat of paint before the event, less the other mech and femme figure out the scratches were from the ambassador.

The Seeker watched appreciatively as they began to change out of the dress, leaving their back exposed to him. "Do try not to damage that piece before the gala. It would reflect poorly on me to have my...consort attired in anything less than their best." His mouthplates quirked faintly.

"I'll make sure to keep it safe and ready for the gala," they reply only to gasp softly when they feel starscreams lips against their back.

Starscream rumbled softly as his intake pressed gentle kisses to the human's neck, relishing their pleased reaction.

"See that you do, sparkbug," he murmured against their spine. "I wish to show off my talented...consort to my peers." His gaze held an unfamiliar warmth as he gazed upon the tiny organic, his servos wrap around their waist, digits spreading out Across their soft skin.

Humans were primitive, fragile things, but this one stirred something within the Seeker none had before. With surprisingly tender digits, Starscream traced idle patterns against their side, lingering to savour the minute but pleasing tactile feedback their skin provided with tiny bumps.

"Now, let us complete preparations for this tiresome political display. But know that after, your frame is mine and mine alone to clain," Starscream murmured possessively against their ear, relishing their shiver of reaction. His human may be small and fragile, but they had become his in a way none ever had before.

They laugh. "I didn't realise you liked the dress that much, hmm shame you have to wait three cycle before you get to rip it off me" they teases him with a quick kiss, as they try to flee his grasp.

Starscream let out an irritated vent at the human's teasing words. "Insolent little pest you are," he growled, capturing their intake in another firm kiss to wipe the smug look off their faceplate.

While he cherished this fragile organic, their boldness tried his patience at times. "Three cycles, is it?" The mighty Seeker rumbled against their ear again, glossa flicking out teasingly. "Very well then, bug. But know that when the time comes, I fully intend to savour stripping that fine material from your form... and everything underneath. I intend to have you bed bound for a while. " His clawed digits tracing almost affectionately over their frame left no doubt as to his meaning.

"I very much look forward to it, my handsome shooting Star," they reply.

#transformers #transformers idw #transformers mtmte #transformers starscream #transformers x reader #transformers x human #idw starscream #mtmte starscream #tf idw #tf mtmte #starscream #starscream x reader #starscream x human

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misguidedasgardian · 1 year

Text

The White Dragon (19) 2/2

19. Where loyalties lie, part 2

MASTERLIST

Summary: Certain events in your family makes clear where loyalties truly lie

Pairings: main Harwin Strong x Fem!Targaryen reader

Warnings: cursing, medieval and A song of ice and Fire AU customs, talks about cheating, angst, political plotting, talks about death,

+18, MINORS DNI

Wordcount: 4 k Notes: Don’t hate me for the decisions I made in this chapter, I BEG OF YOU. haha you might wonder, why did you divide the nineteenth chapter in two? well, because, as a normal person that is in reality unhinged and with a little bit of OCD in their system… i wanted the twentieth chapter to be the last one before the Dance starts hahaha IM SORRY OK??? but it looks so good in the doc 😂😂 And it's going to be even better if I pull another 20 chapters for the second part 😂

“Good morning beautiful wife”, Harwin purred in your ear, drawing you to him

“Good morning”, you whispered. He put a sloppy kiss on your temple, as he pressed you to his chest. And you felt his growing manhood in your lower back, “Harwin”, he drop a kiss in your neck, his facial hair tickling you

“Wife”, he purred, dropping more kisses

“I’m sorry, I… I’m not in the mood”, you said. So he released you gently.

“Alright my love, I’m sorry”, he said, dropping a last kiss on your cheek. it was still early, so you enjoyed a few more moments in bed.

“I have to ask you something”, you said, looking at the wall

“Ask away honey”, he whispered

“Why did you marry me?”, you asked, and you felt him freeze in his spot besides you

“What?”

“Did you ask for my hand, or was it my father?”, you whispered

“Why does it matter?”, he asked

“My father, then”, you answered for yourself

“Our fathers had the idea, yes”, he confessed

“And you agreed”, you continued

“Well, you can’t say no to the King”, he whispered

“Oh, right”, you mumbled, feeling your heart break a little. But he hugged you tightly again.

“But deep inside I was jumping in joy”, he whispered, “after two years of not speaking to you because I believed you were betrothed to Cregan Stark, you came back to me”, his voice was sweet

“Is that why you started fucking my sister?”, you asked him, “because you thought I was already betrothed?”, there was an awkward silence

“Yes”

“Don’t lie”

“I’m not lying”, he said gently, “you were sixteen, and betrothed to the wolf”

“And Rhaenyra…?”, you encourage

“I don't think that denying a woman is a manly thing to do”, he said softly , “No matter how much I regret it”

“Do you regret it?”, you asked

“Being with her, yes”, you finally turn to look at him. “Because then I married you and I brought you so much pain”, in his eyes was truth

“Why are you being so honest?”, you asked

“Because I don’t want to hurt you anymore, I don’t want to lose you”

“Have you ever been with her since you married me?”, you asked, this is it, the last truth, what you truly needed to know, “and that includes the time I left”

“I’ve never laid with her again, although…”, he closed his eyes in repentance

“What?”, you asked, in panic

“There was this one time in which she…”, he swallowed, hard, and you feared the worst

“Talk to me”, you pleaded

“Remember after you came back, it was your birthday…”

“Alright…”, you called

“Then Joanna came back, and the accident with her husband”, he continued

“I remember”, yes when you had a man killed because he was abusing your friend. No regrets

“And at night, we had a small feast, just the family, you nodded, asking him to continue, “You went to bed early because you were tired, you were pregnant with the twins”

“Yes…”

“When I was walking back she grabbed me and cornered me in a room”

“What?”, you asked, surprised

“She wanted me, she wanted me to give her another baby, and she kissed me”

“Did you kiss her back?”, you asked

“I refused her, gently, told her I loved you, and that I couldn’t be with her ever again”, Harwin was many things, but he wasn’t a great liar, “So she has hated me ever since”

“What about Jacaerys?”, you asked

“He is my son”, he admitted, “I love him as much as I love our babies, and I missed him, deeply”, he concluded, “I wanted to see him, I wanted to make sure he was practicing properly…”

“I see”, you whispered

“I tried to stay away, but I can’t”, he admitted, opening his heart to you

“You will have to be more inconspicuous”, you warned

“Yes”

Harwin’s confession had turned your head into a spin, a deep spin of doubts and resentments and you spent the entire day evading everyone, even your children, to think… And you came to a conclusion…

Where did your loyalties lie?

You asked yourself

With your husband? With Rhaenyra? with your family? The Crown? Your father?

Rhaenyra has been using you all this time, for her benefit, and in the meantime trying to fuck your own husband. Even though it was 16 years ago.

You walked hastily towards your father’s chambers, it was already late so you were confident he was there, awake.

His guards barely had time to announce to you before you opened the doors widely, storming in. Your father, withered, tired, was sitting by the hearth, a blanket over your shoulders

“Daughter”, he called

“I need to ask you something, and you will answer me with the truth”. You said firmly, he seemed startled, fighting for consciousness

��What is it?”, he asked

“Why did you marry me with Harwin, and not Cregan Stark?”, you asked

“It was 16 years ago!”, he said

“Answer me”, you demanded. Your father’s withered face looked at you, one of his eyes empty with sickness

“I didn’t want you to go live in the North”, he confessed, “you would have been alone in the other side of the World, far from your family”

“You made me marry my sister’s lover”, you accused

“And you had a beautiful family”, he defended

“You took my future away from me!”, you screamed

“What are you talking about?” He said, “I gave you a future! A man that loves you, a home, five beautiful children!”

“It was not your decision to make!”

“But it was, I’m the King! and you are my daughter!”, the fight suddenly escalated, “I did what was best for everybody!”

“You let Rhaenyra choose, but not me, you used me to clean up her mess”

“I didn’t use you, it was what's best!”

“You did used me, and you and Rhaenyra still use me to this day

“You are playing the part you are meant to play, of a Princess”, he said, “you are keeping the family together”

“Now you notice?”, you asked, sarcastically, “you are right I’M THE ONE WHO IS TRYING TO KEEP THIS FAMILY TOGETHER!, where is Rhaenyra now? I wonder, she has done nothing but break it, over and over!”

“I’ve always notice, since you came back, everything has been better”

“While Rhaenyra is living her quiet life in Dragonstone, and then she is going to live the life I’ve work so hard building for her”

“What is it with you? Why now after all these years?”, he demanded, he seemed tired, “It’s because of the Starks”

“Yes”, you admitted, “I discovered my father lied to me for 17 years”

“I did because it was best, and I don’t regret it, even though you are so angry now”

“You cursed us all”, you said bitterly, “I’m not your heir but Rhaenyra and you make me work like I am”

“Your family needs you”

“I needed you!”, you said, “I needed your support, your love, and you did nothing for me, you are not doing anything for me now! you made me take Rhaenyra’s place in your court of vipers, and still you are setting us all to fail!”

“Rhaenyra will be Queen, with you and your family by her side the transition was going to be smooth, and easy”, he said, confident

“We are all going to die”, you said, you walked away from him towards the exit, and you saw the Valyrian model, “you pinned us against each other, a war will break, and we are all going to die”

“(Y/N), Don’t!”, he called, but your rage was such, you grabbed a model of a dragon and you threw it against the floor, and it broke into a thousand pieces. It was childish, but it was a message, you never realized that it was the figurine Alicent had fixed and gifted your father.

And you exited your father’s chambers. It was already night, dark night, the castle was almost empty, so you went to the Godswood, wanting solitude, but of course, there was no such thing in the Red Keep. Because there you found Cregan Stark on the flesh

“The godswood is the only place that makes me feel safe here in the capital…”, he said, looking at you, but when he saw the tears in your eyes, he ran towards you, “are you alright?”, you shook your head

“No, Cregan, I discovered we had been robbed”, you whined

“Don’t cry”, he consoled, surrounding you with his big arms

“I learned that my father refused yours, because he wanted to keep me here, I never knew you wanted to marry me”, you cried.

“We were robbed, my beautiful princess, we were robbed”, he said gently

“Aren’t you angry?”, you asked

“I was, when your father refused us, but then I realized something…”

“What?”, you asked him

“Something you also need to realize, and you must understand”

“What is that?”, you cried into his chest.

“Our destinies were always intertwined, but never joined”, he said softly caressing your hair, “asking us what could have been is denying the last 18 years”, he said, “Although I’m sure you’d be the most beautiful bride, and mother if any children we may have had…”, he took a time, to gaze upon your eyes as you did his, “I’m sure you don’t regret it”, he said against your temple, “I know you love your children, I’m sure I love mine, and I wouldn’t had them any other way”, he say gently

“I know, you are right”, you said, finally separating and cleaning your tears

“And this love that didn’t flourish in this generation, might flourish in the next”, he whispered, “you son asking for my daughter’s favor, for example…”, he chuckled

“Seems us dragons have a certain… thing… for wolves, apparently”, you giggled

“And believe me, it’s completely reciprocated”, he whispered. He leaned in, kissing you in the head, “ they found a bride for me”, he told you

“I wish you all the happiness in the world”, you answered. And he smiled warmly

“And to you, as well”, he said gently. But then, his face turned serious, “And I must warn you…”, he said, worried, “I have been approach by men at court, high ranking men at court, who would taste my allegiance”

“What do you mean? Allegiance?”, you asked, “towards what?”

“The male heir of the King”, he whispered, and you paled, “I left it clear that we bend the knee to Rhaenyra, and she was the rightful heir, and they didn’t like the answer”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, but, I saw it in their faces”, he said, “the Lannisters”

“Are you scared for your life?”, you asked, worried, “because I could…”

“No, but I’m scared for yours”, he said, “when the king passes, you are not going to be safe, it could mean war”, you nodded, “Rhaenyra against Aegon”

“I’m aware”, you said

“The plots against you both might be more advanced than you think, the Lannisters are a powerful family, more will follow them”, you nodded, “I want you to know, you have me, and the North behind you, don’t ever forget that”, he said. “for anything you may want or need, the North is yours”

“You mean, my sister’s”, you whispered

“Yours”, he sentenced, smiling softly, “I just needed you to know”

“Thank you Cregan, It means a lot”, he bowed his head

“Now… I believe that someone is waiting for you”, he looked above you and you followed his gaze and met Harwin, who was waiting for you at the entrance of the Godswood. You nodded your head towards Cregan, and walked towards Harwin. He waited for you with open arms and that sweetness in his eyes

The events of the week also brought back one of the most important allies of the crown, Lord Corlys, who sailed for King’s Landing from his home, completely recovered.

And your father wanted to celebrate with a feast in the throne room.

A huge feast for everyone in the castle, your friends, and your foes, all of you, in one room. Your closeness with Cregan had all the Lannisters in the room looking at you with scared eyes, and you looked back with defiance. You had the North. You had the Stark’s Alliance

But it all exploded in one single moment. Your father had gone to bed for the night, and since the Ale and wine had flowed so freely, everything turned into a celebration. You were talking with Cregan, who was seated by his betrothed Alysanne Blackwood and you with Harwin. You really wanted to go to the North, perhaps see the wall and this was turning into just that… a tour… and Harwin even seemed positively delighted by the idea.

You and the wolf sporadically looked towards your son, who was courting his daughter, Lady Sarra, who was a beautiful young woman, with pitch black hair, fine features and gray piercing eyes just like her father. And your son seemed so smitten, he even blushed when he was talking to her.

Alicent looked ghastly, as you were speaking to his father, and the rest of the family that made the trip from Oldtown. She always had this tragic look on her face. And in some faint moment you thought about how unhappy she must have been.

Your poor Aemma seemed positively unhappy, with big sad eyes, seated by Jacaerys, looking all the way over to the other side, where Aemond was talking to a Baratheon. not paying any mind to the young lady by his side. Baela.

Daemon wanted to kill the one-eye prince. He, as you, didn’t want his daughter to marry Aemond, but your father was immovable, and they were both a year to be of age. So…

You keep feeling Rhaenyra’s gaze in you, but for the very first time, you didn’t even bother to look at her. You were done, with her, with your father. You will, from now on, work on your own and your family’s benefit. For yours only.

Did you want the throne for yourself? No

Did you care? Yes. Even though Rhaenyra could fend for herself, since she was the one to inherit it, you will put her there, only to guarantee the safety of your family. If Rhaenyra was Queen, your family would be safe, if the hightowers took power. Nothing was guaranteed, you might stand Alicent, but you hated Otto as much as he hated you back. Aegon was a drunken fool, and Otto had him eating in the palm of his hand. He could manipulate him, you had seen it. And Alicent would sell you all for him, you also knew it.

You even considered leaving for Harrenhal, but… your own children had begged you against it, Maekar had the city watch, Rhaegar was training to become a knight, officially, and Aemma wanted to stay with her family. Your smaller children didn’t have a vote, they were going to stay with you. So no, you wouldn’t be going back to the White hall.

But you could find your own amusement here.

Jacaerys was talking and laughing with Maekar, sharing anecdotes, of course they didn’t count on Jason’s Lannister big mouth.

“It's uncanny!”, he said, claiming the attention of all of them around them, “you two look like brothers”. The two boys seemed surprised, and even fearful

“I don’t know what you mean”, said Maekar, tranquil, “were are cousins”

“Well I don’t know about that”. he said, “I heard Ser Harwin Strong feasted on both the realms delight’s, no need to hide it anymore”, he whispered, but Jace stood up, planting his hands on the table, getting the attention of everyone else

“I will not tolerate this!”, he muttered, raising from his seat

“Jace?”, called Rhaenyra, luckily she didn't hear. “What’s happening?”, but all hell broke loose.

“I will have your tongue!”, the boy threatened. Daemon had to stand up and put himself between Jason and Jace

“What’s happening?”, he asked

“Lord Jason is drunk and doesn’t know what he speaks off”, said Jacaerys, “speaks dangerous and treasonous words”

“Don’t talk to me like that, boy”, mocked Jason

“You are speaking to the heir to the Iron Throne”, Intervened Rhaenyra

“Is he? the heir to the Iron Throne?”

“What you are saying is a vile accusation!”, Rhaenyra was the one to jump, “We could have your tongue for this!”

“Prince Daemon, take his head”, chanted another

Soon everyone was standing and a huge argument ensued. Lord Jason Lannister came to the second plane as all members of the court started to scream profanities, this was a true circus, and in one second, all the masks fell down their faces. Especially Otto, since he smiled triumphantly.

“Why would he? He only speaks the truth!”, one spoke, and since there was so many people in the feast, now it was impossible to find the source

“Harwin”, you called, and he looked at you, “leave, now, to the small council chambers behind the throne”, a door that was just behind you. And he doubted

“No”, he said gently, “I have to own up for what I did”, he said firmly

“This could end badly”, you whispered

“If they harm Jace or our children I would never forgive myself”

“The King will hear of this”, accused Rhaenyra. you looked over to Alicent and she seemed like she was about to cry, nevertheless, she didn’t do anything to stop it. One phrase of a drunk man and Rhaenyra’s claim was collapsing around her

Rhaenyra looked at you, looking for support, but you just sat there, looking back at her. Raising one of your eyebrows

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

You saw panic in her eyes, a clear symbol that she didn't know what to do. But you were done trying to save everyone, she could fend for herself, if she wanted the throne, she would have to fight for it. She could see for herself all the things you had to fight since the day she got back to court.

In a corner, Larys was smiling, a small vial in his hand, it wasn’t poison, not deadly, but it was derived from milk of the poppy which would loosen the tongue and worsen the drunkenness. Maybe they would have Jason Lannister’s tongue, but they still had Tyland, who was the member of the small council

“Lord Jason you are making serious accusations”, Alicent finds her voice to say. “Do you have anything to back up your claim?”

“Of course I have them!”, he laughed, “look at him!”

“This isn’t an audience!”, fought Rhaenyra. “This is treachery!”

“I concur”

“Yeah, off with his head!”. You finished in one long sip the rest of your cup of wine. The last bitter days are taking a toll on you. Finding out the truth, mourning what could have been your life, realizing your father and sister had been using you. And now this.

You saw Aemond walking into the other side of the room, grabbing Aemma gently placing her behind him, when people started pushing each other, you knew it was going to come to blows. Maekar was right next to Jacaerys, and he was the eye of the fucking hurricane. Rhaegar was doing the same as Aemond, he took lady Sarra’s hand and led her to your table, where her father received her.

And then the white cloaks. The Knights that only obeyed the authority of the King entered, five of them, you guessed the other two where protecting the King. And stood in front of Jacaerys and Lucerys. You found Steffon and he nodded at you, letting you know it was his idea

“Due to the nature of the festivities we will give you a chance to apologize before we lock you in the cells and execute you for treason”, warned Steffon.

“You are talking to the Warden of the West”, Jason clamined, “the head of House Lannister!”

“A cunt!”, screamed one. And then came the blows. Of course the white cloaks didn’t even draw their swords, but one squire of the house of the lions received a nasty blow from an Arryn boy.

And when it was getting truly out of control. You decided to act. You just stood up from the table slowly, making the heavy wooden chair resound against the stone tiles of the throne room, and everything seemed to stop. And when they looked at the high table, they saw you, dressed in a blood red dress, with Lord Cregan Stark and his family, and the Prince of Dorne who had been also invited to the celebrations.

“Unless you want to be treated as a traitor I suggest you shut your mouth Lord Jason, only the Gods know how insufferable you result in all of our minds, and also everyone knows you had extended your stay in this court more than anyone can stand you”, everyone laughed, “so shut your wine poisoned tongue before you lose it, I’m sure you are aware of what happened to Lord Vaemond, of course, he got to keep his''. And the Lannister was red with courage and embarrassment. He dramatically accommodated his cape. “Ser Steffon, escort Lord Jason out of the Keep please”

“It will be my pleasure”, he said, and he roughly grabbed Lord Jason and took him out. And everyone applauded. Yes, distracting everyone by offending and humiliating the culprit wasn’t the best of plans, especially if it was a Lannister, but it worked nonetheless.

“You saved your family, but gained a powerful enemy”, whispered Cregan

“Just one normal day at court”, you whispered back, “they were already my enemies, just now they are so publicly”

And Rhaenyra looked at you with an amazed look on his face, everyone looked at you then in the same manner

So the next day, when you send off personally your friends from the North, your almost husband Ser Cregan and their families, and the Prince of Dorne. In their mouths were promises of aiding in everything you needed, and in your eyes there was the promise that one day you will ask them for the highest of sacrifices.

The next day, your father call you inside his chambers, he had used this last days to think, and he called for you

“I was selfish”, he confessed, “I wanted you to stay in King's Landing, and when I saw the need to take Harwin away from Rhaenyra I used you to do it, because I remembered how fond you were of him”, you swallow the tears that wanted to come out, “you blossomed in here, you are a smart, powerful woman, with allies, and good judgment, in your own right, but I took a choice from you and for that I am truly sorry”.

“Father…”

“I am”, he said, “I am dying, and I don’t want to leave this world thinking that you are mad at me”, he whispered. And a single tear fell down your eye, “everything good that this family has it’s been thanks to you”

“I doubt that”, you whispered

“It’s true, you had even made Alicent happy, a feat I thought that no one could achieve”, you giggled. He then, slowly placed his hand on your cheek. “My two daughters”, he whispered.

“Defend us father”, you pleaded, “the vultures are circling”

“I will”, he whispered, “I will”

more notes: quoting pirates of the caribbean for the win.

Don’t hate me, please, but this is after all a Harwin x reader story. Cregan is amazing, but he is a Stark, and at that time they kept their oaths (I’m talking to you… Sansa), so he would never confuse the reader, who is married. I know you all wanted him instead of Harwin, but we are going to need both...

They can be dear friends though… Please, don’t hate me, we have a long road ahead, a bloody one. And Cregan Stark IS COMING BACK

Now if you excuse me... I'm going to go hide in a ditch or sm

Taglist! ❤️ @tearsarcane @integra1127 @aestmilky @thanyatargaryen @tythaitie @lostinworldofdarkness @voodoogoul @wildmindedbeauty32 @lil-pudd @alicattx @electric-bloo @astaaan-lol @stargaryenx @kaitieskidmore1 @bregarc @lilpnd @jcpenneyyy @janelei @fexibau @ladyoakenshield157 @danielle-leah1997 @lady-ragnvindr @cecilyjmorgenstern @omgsuperstarg @bugheadskid @batprincess1013 @her-fandom-sanctum @holb32 @blue1006 @stargaryenx @grippleback-galaxy @mikariell95 @genesisliveson

#harwin strong x reader #harwin strong x targaryen reader #ser harwin strong #ser harwin x reader #harwin strong #harwin x targaryen reader #house targaryen #targaryen!reader #targaryen oc #hbo house of the dragon #house of the dragon #misguidedhotd

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seth-burroughs · 2 months

Text

my response.

[longest recorded sigh known to man] Hi. [sniffs, briefly looks at the floor, then back into your fucking soul] I... [takes out and uncaps a a half-frozen żywiec zdrój water bottle making sure the logo and brand name is visible, cranes neck backwards and gulps down the entire thing in under 10 seconds] [coughs and sniffs again] As you can not see I've been crying... A little, I didn't do my make-up didn't do... My hair's a bit messy . I've... I'm trying to- write this, in the most humble corner At my 5 billion złotych villa I could find, I'm... On the floor right now, this is my basement, so- [smiles weakly, sighs. expression turns serious] This is different from my usual content. I... Really didn't want to make this post, but... Recent events have- This... Is the hardest post I've ever made. I've got a lot of hate recently and, it has affected my mental health.

I know I'm gonna get a lot of hate for this.... [sigh]..... Recent events have come to light in which- accusations- have... [takes out another water bottle, downs it's entirety in under 9 seconds] [sobs] It has come to light my, my identity as a... Yomi Hellsmile.... Fictionkin in the Rain Code fandom on tumblr. And and- I know that this... Came across as- shock, to all seven of you. This post serves as me adressing a few things, to paint a clearer picture of this whole situation. I... [sigh] I have realized I made a severe and continuous lapse, in my judgment, during the 5 years of which I served as the director of the peacekeepers in the Ward. [sigh] I just... let it get to me man, you know, the immense power granted by the capitalism gods there, but, nobody's perfect, i'm only huma- [stops] [audible gulp] 3 years. 3 years served as the director.

Due to my.... [starts petting my cat] past transgressions and problematic qualities, I've been facing... great mistrust and scrutiny, from the tumble kinmunity, but maybe I deserve it. [sniffs] [takes out another water bottle, downs it's entirety in under 8 seconds] [exhales] I am aware of my sins I've committed by the virtue of being a nasty abhorrent piece of shit villainkin, consciously, voluntarily and actively, despite not having- [flinches as the guy forcing me to write this post tightens his finger on the trigger, a clear warning] I mean, I am aware of my sins and am actively repenting, right now and my whole life from now on. Ok? Ok. [long sigh]

I have had it revealed to me, during my toluene huffing induced out of body experience yesterday, that I cannot be allowed to- exist in this world, nor be recognized by the council as valid, have I not feel guilt and shame constantly for the atrocities I've definitely committed in this life. And I now realize, how insensitive of me was to even list it, talk about it in any way or let it affect me and my life. [takes out another water bottle, lets it flow freely down my thrussy straight into my stomach, finishes absorbing it in under 7 seconds] [wheezes] I did not regret all of my actions hard enough, and for that, I need to simply accept the consequences of my past actions, and I hope you never forgive me. [sigh]

I've let you guys down. For- clearly not taking the obvious choice to simply hide or repress my kintype, or just, stop being kinning them. Just stop kinning them lol. Just stop it, since it's a choice and completely voluntary, and keeping that makes me a bit sus...... so I've been told. And for that, I am so fucking sorry. I'm on my knees right now begging for forgiveness and hoping that you'd kick my frail body for the audacity. [sigh] But.... I wanted to adress my side of the story, too, in this post. This is by no means an attempt at justifying my actions, this segment only serves as an explanation, as to how I saw- to better understand- that if you see how I saw things personally, you'll take pity and maybe, just maybe I'm not saying- believe- nevermind.............

[pauses. hesistates. takes out another water bottle and drinks it all under 6 seconds] [throws the emptied bottle behind me, hitting one of the hostages in his giant forehead, making a thwack sound] I don't remember much, but from what I can make out, I was in a very dark place at that time, when- when everything happened. [sigh] I failed torture college long before and never quite recovered, I've been struggling with my mental health, my boytoy hitman whom I won't name to conceal his identity and definitely not because I forgot, fucking died, all my employees were assholes, m*ske.d fr3a//k, and um- think of something, you're forgetting something, uhhh, fuck..... So you see- oh. There was also the... woman flesh cube incident, which, was what I ordered in a private moment, which should have never become public in the first place. I've already reached out to the victim and we're together aiming to resolve things peacefully. I think. She hasn't called me back. Well, anyway.

Now that we established this- I would like to apologize for executing Seth via firing squad that april. I had no idea he was queer and neurodivergent, had I known sooner I would not be this harsh with him, ever. I would also like to apologize for knocking out like, 2... [sigh] or 3.... of my employees that one day, I was under a lot of stress and pressure in that moment, and it just built up until I lashed out in a very destructive way. [sigh] In my defense, literal terrorists were blowing up my city and I was literally in the process of nearly arresting one of them. I will also apologize for kicking that one guy's body repeatedly, I would say, about.... 38 times, that time, and for that, um... he literally killed someone so I can do what I want actually, and I really- I don't really, remem- but I recognize some of you won't see it that way, and I'm sorry that- that's how you feel. And I apologize for also hitting that guy's neurodivergent boyfriend(?) with the whip later, I was under a lot of emotions still, and I was trying to make myself look more foxy to my subordinates present. But most of all, I would like to apologize for developing sexual feelings towards my shitty boss and arch enemy, m*k0t0 kag//uts/uch1. I did not realize he was minor-coded the whole time

[takes out another water bottle, sucks it dry in under 3 seconds] [meows] so :3 [sigh] no, sorry. I am so sorry, for everyone involved. But please understand, that I had grown and changed a lot since then, and am no longer that person. I mean that literally. I-Im really n- [a hostage gets shot for that implication] [stops] I mean, I want to grow and change from this moment and put the drama behind me- or not behind me really, I know I can never never truly atone for the atrocities. You know, I hope to be forgiven, personally, but if that won't end up happening, I will accept my due punishment to be brought out to public and flogged until I confess my sins and then, oh fuck, roughly manhandled and thrown down to the ground to get stomped on for being a ba- [professional editor's note: the following 6 paragraphs of the post have been deleted for a purely technical reasons]

[takes out another water bottle. it dematerializes in my hand.] [starts fake crying] I j-just... That was all I wanted to say. [sigh] I'm gonna upload this post unedited. [sigh] Before I finish this post, [sigh] I would like to announce that I [sigh] will be personally donating 50 groszy to charity, [sigh] in order to atone. [sigh] Please do not harass any of the people involved. [sigh] I hope you understand... [sigh] Now let us move forward. [sigh]

.........................................................................?

#mine #rain code #yomi hellsmile #shitpost tag #fictionkin #inspired by.... nvm those who get it get it. yeah.

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tanglepelt · 1 year

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Run Ghost Run 6

Prev AO3 next

Danny Has a run in with a certain crime lord and runs.

So, Lady Gotham just dumped him. Danny is now in a completely different place. Still Gotham. Just who knows where. Back to ground one for getting a lay of the land.

Time to initiate operation get some sleep. Hopefully best plan he’ll have this week, this was not Danny’s exhaustion talking.

Standing from his seated position he dusted off his jeans. The alleyway wasn’t that impressive, the dumpster in the corner and ratty old mattress was the most eventful thing. Litter did line the alley as well. This place really was down in the dumps. Avoiding the broken glass and loose bits of buildings he peeked into the street.

The street ahead of him was lined with poorly maintained buildings. Broken windows boarded up with plywood and some with cardboard. Some building seemed to be falling apart. Literal chucks of rubble where on the street. They even looked like they had been bombed and hints of massive fires.

Well, Danny could find an abandoned building or something to stay in. There had to be a condemned building or two. It was just a matter of finding one.

He could see lights flickering in some of the buildings. Whether legally occupied or not he wasn’t trespassing. Other people out there are probably hiding out. Sticking to the side of the road he began to walk. He’d peer down any alley in the street. Nothing much just more trash.

As Danny was walking, he could feel the corrupted ectoplasma getting stronger as he walked. Wherever he was had a great volume of it. Some event happened here that change the course of Gotham. There was more than just corrupt ectoplasma here.

Danny could sense something unexpected. Something that could be helpful, a natural repent.

Rancid ectoplasma.

Rancid and dangerous. You only get it when ectoplasma is left to fester, often being fed. It had to be maintained, else it would just stay corrupted. Typically, healthy offerings are given to feed it. It was as if he was back in the ream at the River of Revulsion.

Frostbite had explained it to him after the whole infa-map incident. The ghost had let himself fester in the ectoplasma. He had taken lives back in the human realm to create these puddles of grossness. That it refused to decontaminate. There had been talk about how the ghost had tons of the stuff hidden and scattered amongst the human realms. None were ever found if they had been left behind, they’d only be getting worse. Just as they sealed away Pariah, they bound the ghost to the river.

If a puddle was in Gotham, he could camp out there. Even with Lady Gotham’s promise to hide his signature why not add more layers of protection. His belt, Gotham and a natural repellant would be great.

Frostbite did warn of health issues regarding dirty and corrupt ectoplasma. It was a full-on lecture. Jazz had taken the notes as he had zoned out. He knows there was side effects of being exposed to them. Both had different clean up methods as well.

Corrupt ectoplasma had natural ways to be cleansed. Blob ghost loved the stuff. As soon as he solved the whole war issue and running away problem, he could probably pencil in a town cleansing. Just a matter of releasing the blobs. Only liminals or those with ectoplasma would even be able to see them. Clearing the corrupt ectoplasma would bring a feeling of calm to liminals and allow weak spirits to cross easier.

There was no natural way to clean ectoplasma. It wasn’t natural. It took effort to get it dirty. Sacrifices to be specific. Cleaning it wasn’t easy. It took flushing it out of a system and could be destructive if just suddenly removed. The whole reason the river of revulsion existed. It would cause a huge explosion in the infinite realm if they just removed it.

One of them caused violence and lack of emotional control. The other made ghost more obsessive more desperate they were less likely to move on to their afterlife. There were probably more issues they caused. The explosion part was more exciting to listen to. Danny really should have paid more attention. He did know that a new version of doom had released that day.

In his defense he lived where the veil was natural. He did not have to worry about the dangers of non-pure ectoplasma. Even the food he ate was contaminated with it. Not whatever is going on here. Forced open death ectoplasma not his cup of tea. Do not collet $200 and do not pass go vibes going on here.

Yet again his ghost sense went off. It was wrong. It wasn’t the chill he knew.

Looking around Danny spotted a red figure on a roof.

It wasn’t red robin. The blurry picture on the internet did not have his face completely covered by a red... helmet? Hood? It was red and covering his face. Whoever he was did not appear when he searched up vigilantes. There were no other beings around so obviously it was a ghost. Add in the feeling of disgust and the feeling of revulsion. It wasn’t just any ghost, but one that needed to be decontaminated. This was a problem.

With a blink the figure was now right in front of him.

When the figure was in front of him, Danny most certainly did not jump. Nope he is not sitting on the ground after being startled. He looked at Red and could clearly see his chest breathing. Was this guy contaminated? Was he not a ghost? Couldn’t be a halfa. Jazz, Tucker, and Sam never set off his ghost sense. Why did he? Maybe this was a trick. The breathing could be a trick.

Red’s hand was suddenly in front of Danny “kid, don’t you know it’s dangerous to be out in Gotham this late at night, especially crime ally.”

The way he was positioned directly in front of him and his stance ready to grab him had to be intentional. It would make running nearly impossible unless he used his powers.

Jazz didn’t raise a fool; Danny was not going to let him grab him that easy. Danny just glared at him, the dude didn’t even care. As he twisted to the side to push himself up, he felt as sharp pain in his stomach. It felt like being stabbed all over again, then it felt like it was on fire. He pulled something, did something. With a wince he, still sitting on the ground, clutched his chest.

“You need medical attention. Rather you not pass out on the street.” Red said with concern.

Danny yet again glared once again it was ignored. “I’m fine” he snapped.

Red gave him a pointed look. “Kid, I can see the bruising on your eyes. Your clearly injured. Just let me help you.”

“Its fine, it will heal.”

Red just looked mildly annoyed at Danny attempts to avoid the problem. Red shifted his stance yet again.

The two argued back and forth a bit more.

“One way or another you’re getting medical attention. I know you need help. Just come with me and you can leave once you’re all patched up.”

Screw it.

Ignoring his newfound pain, he forced himself up from a sitting position. Just in time for red to reach out for him. It was now or never. He went intangible.

The same burning pain was back. Just like his very essence was being torn apart. It was draining and painful. He couldn’t maintain the intangibility for long. It was already flickering and forcing himself back into being tangible. It lasted long enough. Red hadn’t shown any hesitance or shock but couldn’t follow him through the wall of two buildings.

By the time he couldn’t keep it up. He was inside one of the buildings. Thankfully it was empty. Majority of the windows were boarded up from the outside. He could tell Red was still lingering. He could feel the ectoplasma, thankfully It was getting farther away.

Red wouldn’t be able to sneak up on him again. He knew to feel for the gross ectoplasma.

The building he was in empty. There was nothing here. Well minus rubble. The only light came through the cracks in the boards on the windows. He needed something with more light. He needed to check himself over. There was a sketchy staircase he was going to explore.

The steps were creaky and loose as he went up them. This place wouldn’t pass an inspection, but neither would the house back in Amity. So, he just continued up. It led to a door.

The door would not want to open. He pushed and pulled it like a normal person. When that didn’t work, he looked around for any reason it was stuck. The door wasn’t locked. It was metal so maybe it rusted or something. Would that keep it from opening? Adding a little more oomph to his push the door opened.

The door led to a roof top. Looking around he could see why the door wouldn’t open. There was a wall all around the roof, its intention in the past to keep people from falling off. Now it was in ruins. Bits and pieces of rubble laying around. There was a recently disturbed pile of rocks by the opened door. When it crumbled some most of blocked the door.

The moon was shining bright in the sky. He could make this work. There was a little bump out where the two walls met. He took the bag off his back and started to pilfer through it. He took out the med kit from the bag and set it down.

Taking off the sweatshirt off he could see how big of a problem this was going to be. The sweatshirt had fresh blood. It may be black, but he could feel the wetness. It’s not like it had been raining around here. The bandages proved the story true. They were red.

He needed a second before handling it. Sitting against one of the walls.

After just a little bit. He began the task of unwrapping, sewing and re bandaging. Thankfully the bad had a t-shirt and a second sweatshirt. This one was just black with a little green ghost on it. Sam had gotten it for him as a gift. Said it was ironic.

The med kit also had a few vials of pure ectoplasma. Normally he’d mix it in with some food after a patrol gone bad. It helped speed up his recovery. Not nearly as powerful as the ecto-dejecto but he didn’t have another one of those. He grabbed one and chugged it like it was a shot.

Now was as good as any other time to check out the envelope in the bag. He wasn’t sure who put it there. Sam was responsible for the bags being made but the whole group did now the locations of the go-bags.

The envelope had $500 in cash. No doubts Sam’s contribution. It also held a note.

Little Brother,

It’s been over 24 hours since we’ve last seen or heard from you.

We know you went to send the warning but have not seen you since. There have been no check-ins, not texts no notes. You’ve just vanished. We knew the warning got delivered. The three of us all felt it. Would have been nice to know we would glow green.

Thankfully we weren’t around anyone when it happened.

Tucker pulled the footage for the portal from the time you left in the morning until the next morning.

There were no records of any footage. Nothing about the portal being opened. It was all gone. Mom and dad erased all footage from the lab. There is nothing, tucker couldn’t even recover the footage.

For them to erase any of their footage is never a good sign. They still have the corrupt footage from the lab accident and that’s something they could never fix.

No way to interrogate them even subtly. Last anyone saw of them they were speeding towards the town outskirts. That was about an hour before I got home.

We had no choice but to bug frostbite.

He and pandora saw you off the night prior.

We all know something happened. Frostbite and Pandora said they’d still guard the portal. They are worried for you; they want to know if you’re okay.

I want you to remember Tucker, Sam and I are here for you. Don’t go through this alone. Do not ignore us.

-Jazz

There lies the problem. He did have to do it alone. He would put the rest in danger. If frostbite and Pandora knew. Others had to know. The ghost are all gossips. Someone would have seen them talking to the humans.

Packing up his bag and looking up at the surprisingly clear night sky, Danny decided sleeping on a roof was a wise ides. He fell asleep with the stars shining above him.

#dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc #fanfic #phanfic #Jason was rived by the river of revulsion #Natural anti-ghost repellent #run ghost run

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sadnightforus · 3 months

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NICOTINE LOVE (JCM)

innocent-turn-corrupted!changmin x heartbreaker gn!reader

SYNOPSIS: Ji Changmin was an innocent boy who had the luck of meeting you, a heartbreaker, in one of the parties that your friends threw. You think you’ve successfully corrupted him, with the way you got him smoking in the backseat of your car, while confessing both of your hearts’ out, high on that nicotine love that you both shared.

WORD COUNT: 1.3K

WARNINGS: cuss words, smoking. commitment issues. mentioned of s*x, they made out before (don’t get jumpscare). this was originally a time stamp but it’s not now so enjoy it I guess.

A/N: black angel by bloo is what made this whole au. thank you.

reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated!

You’re smoking with a certain someone that shall not be named right now (or you refuse to tell on yourself).

But it wouldn’t hurt to admit that the man in question is Ji Changmin at all.

As you quietly watch him exhale the smoke from the nicotine stick from the other side of the car, you think back of how you both first met.

You remembered that you met him at a party that one of your good friends hosted and you can exactly count that it was just 2 weeks and 3 days after your semester started. Like a fucked up miracle in disguise, you noticed a meek boy who stood at the corner of the event, watching people anxiously as he looked like he had no idea what to do in situations like this. So you approached him, despite not knowing who he was.

Ever since, he has become someone who relies on you in every way possible. Much less, regarding yourself with the title of ‘mentor’ too, as he had claimed so.

Honestly, you find yourself liking the title but you’re aware that you’re not the greatest influence he could base himself after.

He was quite naïve, calm and inexperienced in the world of wild and chaos that he found himself in. You were his navigator to explore the depth of it.

Truthfully, you think he’s a cute, innocent guy who has the worst luck to be stuck with a devil of a heartbreaker like you. And it also wouldn’t hurt to admit that you both had made out quite a few times in all of the times you’ve known each other since you first laid eyes on him.

And honestly, you like him a lot. You’re just scared. Scared of not being someone perfect for him.

“You look like a cigarettes after sex’s song.” He comments, thinking how beautiful you look right now with cigarette tucking in between your fingers and the way you zone out.

And it’s the truth. You look like someone who is straight out of a dream. Someone a rock band would write a song about. There’s just an air of command to your presence that he or any other person can’t help but have to turn their head to your direction.

“Hmm?” You take a moment to process what he said and inevitably, a rush of heat creeps up on your cheeks once you do. You don’t know why your confidence has suddenly disappeared when you were fine just a moment ago.

“You’re so fucking cute when you’re shy.” He chuckles and you can’t say that you’re taken aback by the fact that he cusses, but you’re just so surprised by the fact that he is bold, even more with the way he wants to make moves on you.

What is he up to?

You almost want to show how insane you go from these comments along but you keep your composure.

“Hey Ji Changmin! Who taught you these things?” You slap on his bicep playfully with the free hand you have.

“It’s you, m’lady.” And he winks, sending more flirtatious gestures, as you’re continuously getting affected by his actions.

You can only roll your eyes as your response to show that you’re not phased by what he did at all, even though your heart is beating fast and you can feel yourself breaking out in cold sweats despite the air conditioner in your car that prevents both of you from overheating. And with window roll down too, you think that you’re gonna repent for your sin later on in days when your car reeks of absolute lung cancer sickness.

“I’m not joking.” He mumbles, frustrated that you always think that he’s so nice and just being a good friend when he does compliment you. The comment was intended mostly to himself but you hear it.

Okay, maybe fighting off those romantic advances weren’t the smartest thing you’ve ever did.

“You said you’re not joking? Hmm?” You lean closer to him, closing the gap that was once in existence as each of you were previously at both sides of the backseat earlier. You intend to make him crumble and make him open his heart tonight.

Because you don’t want to be the only one who feels like this.

“Y-yeah.” He stutters and he almost cussed at himself for doing so. “Actually…” he puffs one out before continuing “God fuck it. Okay, I'm sick of hiding my feelings. I’ve always liked you since you first noticed me at the party.”

Your heart skips a beat by that confession. So all of this time, you weren’t delusional to think that he might be into you too.

“You’re so nice to me. I don’t get it, you could have anybody, but you choose me to be your sidekick, your friend or whatever you want us to be. You’re so fucking cool, I’m just not that cool when compares to yo-”

“Changmin, if you don’t stop that right now.” Your stern tone wakes him up from his thoughts that he was drowning in earlier because of his insecurities.

You hate when he sees himself that way.

“You’re the most unique guy ever. I just…” You gulp, guilty lumps in your heart. “Just afraid because I’m a heartbreaker. I don’t stick around, and look— we’ve made out so many times but had we ever talked about it? No. I thought you should have someone who isn’t afraid of commitment to be with you.”

It’s true, you’re not used to commitment at all, nor ever found yourself in a long term relationship.

You’re a free-spirited person, someone who needs to feel free and comfortable in any connection you involve yourself in. You can easily kiss and sleep with people without emotions involved because you don’t desire attachment, you only want experience and the risks. It has been that way ever since you were young. You’ve heard too many horror stories of what being chained down to marriages and even relationships have done to people, that’s why you always date people until you get bored and break up with them as if they’re not someone worthy of explanations. And especially, you have a knack for making people fall in love, intentionally or not.

But Ji Changmin changed it for you.

He makes you crave stability and the calm, peaceful nature of life in a world that is occupied by nothing but mystery of the untamed.

“I don’t really care about that.” He frowns, upsetting that you’d think of yourself that way. He takes one last puff before speaking again “Give me a chance, I can show you what it is like to settle down. We can still be fun and risky while in love.”

The deal isn’t so bad.

This time, he takes the initiative to lean into you even closer as you both collectively agree to destroy the nicotine stick you got in your hand before throwing it out. Then you mumble something against his lips that he can’t really make out of.

However, his eyes fill with affection and so much promise of the future with the reflection of you by his side.

You smirk, nose bumping into his, signaling that you’ve let him into your heart with a simple comment.

“Then show me what it is like to be loved by you, baby.”

COPYRIGHTED BY SADNIGHTFORUS, 2024

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psalmonesermons · 5 months

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When I make up my jewels Part 2

Malachi 3:16-18

Lessons from the Scottish Revival 1948-52

In Part 1 we saw that the praying men and women in the Hebrides were given a revelation by the Holy Spirit that God was a covenant keeping God who responded to the intercession of his covenant people.

Here is what happened next;

At 3am God swept into the cottage

The first night of the meetings in the church at Barvas, nothing much happened, but one of

the praying deacons said to Duncan Campbell, "Don't be discouraged, it is coming. I already

can hear heaven's chariot wheels. We will have another night of prayer and then we will see

what God is going to do."

About thirty went to a nearby cottage and continued to pray into the night.

At about 3am God swept into the cottage and about a dozen were laid prostrate on

the floor, unable to move. Something had happened! Revival had come!

As they left the cottage, they found the lights burning in every house as men and women were seeking God.

They found three men laying by the roadside under conviction of sin, crying out for God to

have mercy on them.

Converted before arriving at church

The events of the second night will never be forgotten by those who were there!

Buses came from the four corners of the island. Seven men were being driven to the meeting in a butcher’s truck, when suddenly the Spirit fell on them in great conviction - they were all

converted before they reached the church.

As the preacher preached tremendous conviction swept down upon the people and tears fell down the faces of those present. So deep was the distress of some that their voices could be heard outside.

Under the burden of Intercession

The meeting finally ended, and people began to move outside. A young man began to pray

under a tremendous burden of intercession, He prayed for three quarters of an hour and as he prayed people gathered outside the church until there were twice as many outside as there had been inside. When he stopped praying, an elder gave out Psalm 132 and as the great congregation began to sing, the people streamed back into the church again and the meeting continued until 4am.

The moment people took their seats the Spirit of God in great conviction began to

sweep through the church and hardened sinners wept and confessed their sins.

At the police station

As the meeting was finally closing, a messenger hurried to the preacher, "Come with me!

There is a crowd of people outside the police station; they are weeping and in awful distress.

We do not know what is wrong with them, but they are calling for someone to come and pray

with them."

Describing the scene outside the police station the minister later declared, "Oh I saw a sight I

never thought possible. Something I shall never forget. Under a starlit sky, men, and women

were kneeling everywhere, by the roadside, outside the cottages, even behind the peat stacks,crying for God to have mercy on them!"

Six hundred people had been making their way to the church, when suddenly the spirit of God had fallen upon them in great conviction, causing them to fall to their knees in repentance.

Crying out against dead religion and standing on the promises of God.

Amen

Revival Prayer

In Part 3 we find out what else happened when revival came to the Hebrides and the implications for the church in Ireland and elsewhere.

#christianity #bible study #bibletruth #blog post #blessings #psalmonesermons #faith #victory #devotional #revival #Malachi 3:17 #jewels

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casterlygldcs · 9 months

Text

THE HELLS ARE EMPTY: FOR THE DEVILS ARE HERE. this post consists of both the immediate actions taken by king tyland lannister following the high septon's apprehending of the westerland septons, as well as events which take place two weeks later. // @arronlannister , @erenmarbrand , @theowesterling , @nicholaslannisters , @leolefford , @leanderlefford , @alaynefarman

the immediate actions taken:

it is lord leander lefford, as master of whispers, who first hears of contact being made with the septons of the west from the high septon of the starry sept. he relays his concerns in a private audience between king tyland lannister, and the hand of the king, lord eren marbrand.

an emergency small council meeting is called once it is confirmed the septons went to meet the high septon. this act in itself instantly denounced them within the court of the west; branding them traitors. lord theomore westerling conveys this message to the high septon, which is not given a response.

it is made clear that these septons are to be expected to be returned to the court of the west, to be tried by the laws of their anointed king. lord leo lefford and lord nicholas lannister were scheduled to see the high septon within the hallowed halls of the starry sept to ensure this was understood, and return with the septons. instead, they walked in on a service denouncing the faith of the west, king tyland lannister...and saw the westerland septons. both the lords leave oldtown.

THE COURT OF THE WEST DO NOT LEAVE HIGHGARDEN ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE. there are discussions between king tyland and king cedric regarding the actions taken, and the response.

actions taken two weeks later: INSIDE THE STARRY.

lady alayne farman is just another worshipper within the starry sept, veil over her head. she can hear the preaching of the high septon, the hymns, and smoke. she was dressed simply. none know it is her. there are large amounts of crowds within the starry sept as the crowds come to see the high septon: praising his actions for cleansing the city of the whores.

lord theomore westerling is seen in the alcoves of the starry sept, within the shadows, in a discussion with a member of the most devout who belonged to the old way. he is not armed, as is expected within the starry sept. none notice lady farman moving to leave the starry sept.

there is the sound of bells ringing in the distance as the choir boys hand out bread and red wine to the masses who have come to worship. those same innocent hands having already accepted the threatening, suffocating coin of lord adrian serrett. one of the faithful who take the drink is septa lyra, one of the high septon's closest associates.

the high septon continues to talk over the sounds of the congregation. none notice doors opening as the coughing begins. none notice the presence of lord eren marbrand stalking down the aisle. "do not drink that." they were supposed to drink it. it was the plan. the sounds of the coughing became louder, the looks of panic in the eyes of the westerland septons and the innocent congregation as blood seeped from the corner of their mouths. "you have POISONED your congregation to have them repent for their continued loyalty to king tyland of the west. their KING."

there is the attempted denial of the septons of the west. they had remained true to the high septon.; they had betrayed tyland lannister. only, how could they deny it with blood seeping from their mouths? their throats closing up? septa lyra looks toward androw, eyes wide in panic. she foams at the mouth. "holy father..." her body hits marble.

actions taken two weeks later: OUTSIDE THE STARRY.

there is a large number of men of approximately seventy troops on the steps outside of the starry sept, leading all the way down into the courtyard. they originally claimed they were hunting, and were in oldtown to stock up supplies and move forward. now, they claim to have come to collect the westerland septons. those within the group include lord theomore westerling, who has taken his place atop a horse with a grim face. lord adrian serrett. the lefford twins. nicholas lannister. lady alayne farman alongside prince arron lannister. the executioner, lord aslan marbrand.

king tyland lannister himself is at the front of the group of men, eyes fixed upon the doors of the starry. this had been rehearsed. they all knew what was coming next.

the hand of the king emerges: lord eren marbrand proclaims loudly, in a voice that indicated actual grief and shock, that the high septon has murdered holy men within his own halls. poisoned. there is an audible shock amongst the troops of the westerlands and the smallfolk, hands coming over their mouths. for murder to occur within the starry sept? such a sacred building? "bless the septons, sir!" came the cries of the smallfolk, some removing the hats on their head out of respect.

"you will not move us until we have been given our dead." came the words of the westerland men to the members of the faith militant: given so they can string the bodies of traitors up from the walls of lannisport. when violence broke out upon removing to leave, it came swift: there was the screaming of smallfolk, the clash of metal against metal. the sounds of bodies hitting the stone steps with a crunch.

"not within the walls." came the words of the lion king the hour before. the dire warning was no violence would cross to occur within the walls of the starry sept. and as he watched blood seep down the steps, not a inch of blood was spilled within the starry itself.

ooc notes: i left the conflict bit vague so people can decide what happened to their characters/what they done!

#the great reformation of the west ; enough of a roar that is not of our own.

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hoochieblues · 3 months

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tagged for a last line written by @aria-i-adagio (ty!) and... there has been very little writing. But, because 'tis the season, and because the second round eds will be continuing for another three million years until I get time to finish them, here's a whole ass excerpt from the Valentine's lottery chapter of The Fountain and the Nightjar (title? title!! ...title...?) which is one of the latest to get _FINAL-final(2)_FINALFINAL appended to the scriv subdoc heading. Yay!

My brain is fried today so I forget who's actively doing these rn, but tagging with love and no pressure @faux-fires, @dreadfutures and @highwayphantoms. If you would like to consider yourself tagged, please do so. :)

For context: I'm admitting it now... TFANT is basically Georgian noir. This chapter takes place in the story's equivalent of a smoky jazz club (lol), i.e. a molly house run by an old dandy and his toyboy abolitionist husband. A Valentine's lottery was basically like secret Santa, but for V-Day gifts and/or 'dates.' Also, if you need the historical primer, molly houses were the gay bars of their time (c.1700-1820-ish) but more 'lowkey local institution' than 'hot 'n' cruisey clubland.' Similarly, 'maiden names' were queer nicknames or alter egos, closer to C20th Polari/camp slang than, say, a femme persona associated exclusively with drag (or allied to gender identity). I pulled a lot from primary sources, so not only is much of the book based on real(ish) people's lives, I've also got a... uh. lot. of research material on C18th queer culture. It is interesting as all hell, so I have to cut myself off before I digress.

Behold, my protagonist, thrust into that most chilling of scenarios: a social event. Gasp.

----------------------

The exchange of gifts began, Julius intoning the names and matching the lottery couples together. Sukey Hackabout, a heavy, round-cheeked man of about five and thirty, was Valentine to Kingston Sally, part-time barman at the Green Dragon Inn, who had a faint Jamaican accent and a sweetly gentle smile. He presented Sukey with a painted paper fan, to much delight, and ‘Cupid’ held up his arms in triumph at the evening’s first official kiss.

“There, now!” Julius cried, taking the hands of his next victims. “Who braves the little god’s barb, eh? Molly Irons, with arms like Vulcan—”

Molly, a thickset, well-muscled blacksmith, unsurprisingly a popular fixture of the house, looked a little embarrassed at the catcalls, but preened all the same.

“—and Miss Guzzle herself, Susie Crimson. Who has to wonder what a gift’s in store here, indeed!”

Susie was a slender, unassuming young man at first glance, fair-haired and freckled, but utterly notorious for a single-minded interest, and talent. Molly offered Susie a small gift wrapped in brown paper. She tore it open, revealing a neatly wrought pair of polished shoe buckles which, judging by the shy pride in Molly’s face, she’d made herself. Somewhere among the bawdy comments and whistles, Susie looked genuinely flattered, and they smiled at each other as Julius set them palm-to-palm.

“There, now, and who first feels love’s sting? The poet says ‘Love is a fiend, a fire, a heaven—’” Julius paused just long enough to glance over at Lippy with a wink. “—and a hell, / Where pleasure, pain, and sad repentance dwell.’ But what do we say? What do we say? Take the first, and damn the rest! Now, who’s next?”

The company’s laughter and applause spilled over into cheers. In the corner, Kit had wrapped his arms around Oliver’s waist and stood behind him, chin on his shoulder and soft words in his ear as they watched the festivities unfold. Ollie’s nerves appeared to be giving way to glassy-eyed wonder. Someone had brought out a fiddle and, as Julius continued with the lottery, the first drawn-out note of a folk song rang out in warning.

“Barnfield,” Lippy confided to Will, topping off both their glasses before apparently remembering it was the watered brandy they were drinking. He sneered at the decanter as he put it down, but took a sip anyway. “One of the great poets. Aside from the classics, of course.”

“Of course,” Will agreed dutifully. “I know how you cleave unto Ovid.”

“Oh, shove your claws back in, Miss Kitten. Naughty puss don’t get no cream.”

Will snorted into his glass. Such a prospect seemed distant enough anyway.

Lippy tilted his head. A question seemed to waver behind his eyes until he shook it off and touched Will’s sleeve. “Well, you’re here, at least. I confess, I’d rather hear you hissing than not hear you at all, my dear.”

Will dredged up a smile, but could find nothing to say. The brandy barely softened the taste of guilt. The fiddle sawed into his brain, and he wondered how soon he could slip away without seeming more of a churl than he already felt. Julius called the names of another set of Valentines—Sal Draper, who was here with his long-time love, Russian Mary, matched to an older man who went by Queen Hook—and Will eyed the door, intent on fixing his escape route before any dancing threatened to begin.

#tfant tag #original bathtub hooch

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sideblogofhell · 10 months

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a lesson in friction

summary: you have the hots for your professor pairing: dane whitman x male reader word count: 1.1k warnings: 18+ warning, frottage, dry humping, professor/student, dni if uncomfy a/n: first entry to the kink challenge have fun!

main masterlist | the repentant's corner

“Kinetic friction is a force present when the contact surfaces move with respect to each other,” your physics professor said. His midnight blue sleeves rolled up along his muscular forearms as he pointed at the slideshow. “ It is also known as sliding friction and acts on surfaces sliding past one another.”

Your eyes wander to his slicked black hair and his eyes that look like bottomless pits. The topmost buttons opened revealing some hair on his chest. You crossed your legs from the growing heat in your center, your mind falling into the palms of lust.

The hour went by in a blur, you listened to his voice steadfast, taking down notes and copying the words on the screen. You couldn’t really focus, his shirt was tight against his toned body, his arms shown definition, his waist small and his ass—

“That’s all for today everyone,” he said, closing his laptop and turning off the screen. “And by the way, I’m staying behind for another thirty minutes if anyone wants some feedback on their papers.”

Everyone leaves except for you, fumbling to get your things tidied up before you speak to him. “Professor Whitman, I’d like to talk to you about my paper.”

“Sure thing, come closer so I can see it.”

You went to the first row seats of the class, he stands inches away from your face, his waist perpendicular to your skull. He takes a finger to your paper, pointing out some errors in your computation. He takes a pencil off the desk and wraps his body around yours.

His left arm pressed against the seat’s backrest and his right arm around you holding the pencil. He circled on the mistakes in your solution and gave a few comments on how you can improve. You could feel his warmth cover you, his musky scent fills your senses and the friction between your bodies elicits a soft moan.

He places his left hand on your shoulder to rub it, “Fantastic work, some minor revisions here and there and you’d get a perfect score,” your cheeks start to heat up from the touch. He leaves your side to put his laptop in his leather messenger bag, wrapping the charging cord around his hands. “How’s the internship going, you’re in that tech apprenticeship, right?” you nod.

As you tried to get up you felt a pain in between your legs, your cock aching hard, straining against your jeans. You quickly sat back down so he wouldn't notice. You heard him snicker under his breath. “Havin’ trouble there?”

Panic rose from your spine, you were caught and this will go badly. He sat on the edge of the large hardwood table in front of you, his arms crossed. “You wouldn’t sit properly throughout class, always moving your legs around like you had your balls stung by an ant.”

“I’m so sorry Mr. Whitman—”

“It’s alright, typical arousal response to stimuli,” his eyes were dead set on yours as he spoke. “May I ask if I’m the stimulus in this situation?”

You nod in shame. You looked down on the desk avoiding his gaze. You heard the table creak, he slowly inched closer. His index finger went to your chin, lifting your face back to his gaze. “What was it then, was it my touch?” he said as he caressed your cheeks. You nod like a dog given a treat. “No need for apologies, I’m simply here to help.”

He gestured for you to stand, you tried to rearrange your hardness so as not to tent. He places his thumb on your lips. He asks for you permission before he presses his own lips to yours. The heat, lifting towards him. You groaned under his breath as his tongue reached for yours.

He spun you around, your ass against the hardwood desk, his hand went to your crotch caressing your erection. You moaned aloud as you felt a wetness form from your tip. He played with you through frictions, your hands gripped onto his muscular arms.

“Go lock the door and come back here,” he ordered.

The silence in the room was broken by the sound of a lock. He takes your hands and presses them on the table, your back arched towards his waist. You could feel his own erection press against your ass as he starts to thrust on your jeans, the friction sending electricity through his skin.

Your own hardness was rubbing against the edge of the table. He started to place kisses all over your nape up to your ear, his hands caressing your torso. The heat emanating from his body was like a drug to you, his scent was addicting and his moans on your ear was borderline erotic.

He starts to unbutton your jeans until your leaking cock was bare against the airconditioned room. He lets his palm out in front of you and spits on it. The sight was so lewd coming from him you started to get dizzy. His wet hands touched the sensitive tip of your cock making you shudder in response. He takes this as a sign to wrap the remaining fingers around the shaft slowly sliding up and down.

Your mouth let out nothing but grunt and groans as he sucked on the skin of your neck, his hands jerking you off while his hips rut against your back. Your head falls back against his shoulder as your hips thrust into his hand. You feel your climax coming, your noises sounded like you were pleading for release. The friction of his hand against the sensitive head broke the dam inside you, you let out a cry as cum shot off into the desk. You hear him moan as well as his thrusts become erratic, you share one last kiss after you ride your highs.

“Sorry about the desk,” you uttered.

“Don’t worry, at least it's not your trousers,” he gestures for the wet patch in his pants.

You laugh. “I should go, thanks I guess?” you said in confusion.

“Anytime,” he laughs as well.

interactions are greatly appreciated btw if u liked this fic and want more send me a prompt and i'd gladly make something from it :>

#dane whitman #dane whitman fic #dane whitman x reader #dane whitman x reader smut #dane whitman x male reader #dane whitman x male reader smut #eternals fic #eternals smut #the repentant's corner event #marvel smut #avengers smut #kit harington #dane whitman smut

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azusawrites · 1 year

Text

title. pitch black, pale blue [TWST Secret Santa]

rating. T

characters. Idia Shroud, Ortho Shroud [mentioned]

warnings. discussion on grief

summary. Following Ortho's death, Idia examines his feelings and involvement in the most important event in his life.

gift for. @prometheanglory

message. Happy holidays!🎄 I was Secret Santa this year and went with a piece on our favourite sad boi otaku to best match the prompts given. I hope you like it! Have a great end of the year and a happy new year as well! 💙

And thank you to @jhoudiey for organizing this!

Some memories are carried around like stones.

They lay heavy on the soul, never letting the ripples settle so the moment never comes to pass. It never stops happening. Like staring into an abyss. The darkness consumes every bit of light that dances across the surface. Those moments are the heaviest — deep down in that abyss a stone is no longer a stone, but part of the absence. Everything that passes through that threshold stops being a thing and starts being a concept.

Memories are like that. Without tangible proof, there is no evidence of their existence. Something that you cannot prove exists might as well not. Those are the limitations of the human brain. It cannot conceive something beyond its own capacity. It would be like trying to fit the world inside a single box — impossible and laughable; the task of a madman.

But Idia still tries. He still believes in the capacity to do so, despite his family's warnings and threats and pleading voices. They do not understand. They do not have his mind, his capacity to see beyond the material into that small corner of the achievable. They are not geniuses. Not like him anyway, and that thought comforts him.

It means he still has a chance to make the impossible, possible.

To turn water into wine, and stone into gold and fit the whole world inside a box. He can perform miracles no man has ever dreamed of because he was born to play that role.

(Even though he wishes he hadn’t — because he knows that tragedy would not have sought him out like this if he had not been exceptional. His folly wouldn’t have been so great and so costly. But he hadn’t been born into a normal family, as a normal child and thinking about those matters just brings him more anguish.

What is the point of longing for something you cannot have?

But perhaps that is part of it — the anguish, the longing. How else could he feel he is being punished if not through this? What else is there to be taken from him?

These moments of lamentation are all he has left now.)

And because he has nothing left to lose, he embraces it as well as he can.

He is a genius. He is a madman. A cursed being. A pitiful child. He remakes and remodels the universe just because he can; because nobody else but him can do such a thing. And even though nobody else understands but him, it does not matter anymore.

He’s not doing this for them.

He’s doing this as atonement. He wants to repent for his existence in any way that he can. Because it is the only thing that’s keeping him sane anymore.

After the funeral, his parents return to their posts without so much as a glance towards him. Like for much of his childhood, they are tall, shadowy figures whose features remain vague and lifeless as is perhaps expected of them.

A Gatekeeper’s figure.

He does not have that yet. Not truly, at the very least. He has an inkling of it — that hair, that appearance, all those little things he sees in the mirror and recognizes not as his own, but as part of his bloodline. He knows that this is the way things must be. Fate is inescapable, after all.

And yet he tries to outrun it.

Is it madness or simply determination? An ember of his dream to become a hero that stubbornly does not die despite being engulfed in the abyss?

No light should reach down there, but he still makes an attempt. He makes a vow — if only to himself — that he will peer through that veil.

Nobody supports him. The word ‘sacrilege’ is thrown around, branded on his skin, and all he can do is grit his teeth and endure it. For his goal, he’s willing to endure just about anything. He will not make any sacrifice.

If his family does not accept his will, then he will abandon that as well, like he does the world. What else is left there anyway?

So he spends most of his days locked in his room, with the lights off and the shades drawn until it begins to feel like home. The darkness is a welcome reprieve from his own thoughts. There are no more intrusive thoughts, ‘what-ifs’ or guilty consciences. There are only plans — plans that he needs to work to perfection before he can even attempt to put them in motion. Plans that make that rock that’s buried itself deep into his body feel a little lighter.

He cannot change the past, but he won’t look back anymore. The future is where his gaze is pointed at. That is the place where their meeting is going to take place — reunited, because even though it's been a year, Ortho has never truly left.

When locked in his room, he eats less. Mostly junk food and candies, things that are easy to pick and easy to get through. Things that don’t require much of his time or attention. He cannot spare either anymore. Any moment spent doing anything else, means that another second, minute or hour is added to their countdown. And he cannot afford the privilege of living until he pays for his mistakes.

How long that will take he isn’t sure, but he’s willing to wait.

He has all the time in the world and nothing really left to lose.

Even when his body loses weight and he starts looking like a corpse he does not mind. It’s not like he ever cared about his appearance and with their family curse, he needn’t worry either. They were fated to look like this. And it was part of his punishment. Sacrifices were necessary. He did not need more than to be able to move and hold a wrench or two. The rest could be made up for with technology — the mark of a superior being.

Flesh and bone could fail him, but iron and steel? They will last an eternity and more. Beyond the end of time and into that abyss they also call the future. He chooses them when he remakes Ortho so as to grasp eternity itself.

Nothing but a pipe dream, but he cannot envision anything else but the present moment where his heart aches so savagely that his hopes are imprinted there forever. He never forgets though sometimes he wishes he could.

Those moments are too treacherous, however.

He cannot allow them to settle in too deeply or else he becomes entangled in them. That is another trapping of his human heart. Another failure he needs to correct as he aids in the rebirth of his brother.

Rebirth, return — somewhere the edges blend in together to the point where he cannot tell them apart anymore. Could he even do that in the first place? Or was that just another one of his fantasies?

(The absence of his parents makes this harder. Before, the void could be filled by Ortho’s presence but now that he’s gone, Idia feels as if he’s started another life. A second run: he knows all the cutscenes, all the plot points, all the flags that need to be raised. Every single element that he needs to overcome for that true ending.

But now, there’s a hollowness instead. He goes through the motions but it’s not the same. His memory cannot fail him but feelings and emotions cannot be reproduced just like that.

His early prototypes are unfeeling and lack any semblance of empathy.

When he crumbles down before them they cannot even engage in a basic comfort protocol. Part of that is his fault. He left them empty on purpose. It only seemed right.

Programming any sort of reaction to his grief would do nothing but fuel his self-hatred further.

Idia does not seek forgiveness — he knows he’s not allowed to — but he feels there must be a way to start things over. The second run will be better. He will do things right this time.

He will do better.

He knows this.

He hopes so.)

When Ortho’s form starts to come together before him, the first thing that crosses his mind is: can he be sure he remembers him as he was? Can he trust his own mind? Himself?

(No, he cannot. He never should have.)

The human brain is fallible — a thing half-made, a thing of faults and defects that need improvements. He could provide that. He could fix that.

In the first month after the funeral, he throws himself into his studies. In the darkness of his room, he pours over textbooks and charts, until he comes to know every single hidden corner of the body. He makes plans and moulds and reassembles a miniature human being after the first three months with relative ease. It bears his face and his name — the same sharp teeth, the same hair, and golden eyes.

(Not for long. He cannot bear to look for too long and ends up hiding them behind a visor. Another stone settles in his mind.)

He stares at the imitation of his own face for much longer than he ought to have. But he cannot help it. The familiarity is astounding. He thinks he remembers the first time he’d ever seen the swaddle of blankets that his mother announced would eventually become his brother. He couldn’t really believe her back then — a thing of this size was supposed to be his brother?

He looked so small and frail. He looked half-formed only.

(Then, again, he supposed that all things are half-formed in the end. The Phantoms they kept inside the walls of their house were half-formed things as well — something between human and not human. Something forbidden. Something blasphemous. If Idia had been someone who paid any heed to superstition he would have claimed malevolence and malice. Something not of this world.

But as he was not, he simply saw them for what they were: a blight, a curse for them to bear because they had to.

Fate at hand, reminding him how existence itself hinges on something akin to tragedy manifesting. They exist to bear the burden of the ones that remember.

That is what his father once said. That is what his grandmother once said. That is what generations on end had claimed because it was easier to accept things than to fight against them.

Always has. It’s just him that’s different from the rest of them.

The only one with delusions of heroes and adventures and living a life where he’s not tied down by tradition. If there is such a life, he cannot help but laugh at it. It wouldn’t be the first time that he has his dreams snatched away from him only to find them put on display for the satisfaction of others.

Why do they make stories of heroes saving maidens from distress and act like that sort of behaviour is the measure of a hero?

Why do they look at him with terror and scorn when he tries to revive his brother too? When he doesn’t let him be swept away by the tide of forgetfulness like everyone else is?

Why should he?

The difference between Ortho and the Phantoms that they keep locked up — what is it exactly? Hidden away from the world, forgotten, every semblance of a former soul stripped away from them?

His parents act like Ortho’s death is something they cannot speak of or else they might make it real.

Or else they might remember.

But Idia remembers. He knows it’s real and the silence is slowly driving him mad.)

When he thinks back on Ortho it’s always with this sense of longing. For what exactly, he isn’t sure. Clearly, his presence but that is to be expected. It’s all the other little things that add up that he isn’t sure where they came from — his parents, their life, himself. All things he could do without but now misses because at least they resembled a twisted notion of familiarity.

They represent a moment in time when they both lived. He had no idea how precious those moments would become to him a few years later.

Then again, nobody expects much out of those moments.

It’s why grief always settles so heavily.

(But not for him, not anymore, not when he can take back that time, change the clock and make everything alright once more.

Not perfect. Never perfect, because that doesn’t exist.

But whole. Fragmented, but whole — where the cracks don’t matter as much anymore.

Where they can go back to pretending.)

When he manages to construct the body, at last, he feels like a stone has been lifted off his soul. Like his life has meaning again. This puppet that he made isn’t Ortho but is the closest thing to him and that should be enough. That is enough.

Like his fantasies of adventuring and heroism, it’s nothing but a pipe dream — but it’s a pleasant, distracting one.

Finally, Idia feels like everything has righted itself again.

He feels whole.

Then, the puppet opens its eyes and he realizes — he’s still in that abyss. He never left. The souls of the dead are there with him to stay, to keep him company. And he figures that’s how things should be. Nothing more, nothing less.

It’s fate that’s bringing him here.

(And Ortho is still here.

Even if it’s not him. Even if it will never be him.

But pretending is the only thing keeping him sane anymore.)

He won’t leave again. Not like back then.

He’ll be a good brother this time and stay — drowning in that black ink as he should have all those years ago.

When he Overblots at last, and every thought disappears he feels at ease.

Finally, it’s dark again.

Finally, he’s home.

#twisted wonderland #idia shroud #ortho shroud #ignihyde

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dalmascan-requiem · 7 months

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Shadow's Elegy: Repentance

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Why should politics and laws get in the way of justice?

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Read on AO3 or keep reading after the jump

content warning: death

Part of FFxivWrite 2023

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FFxivWrite's Day 29 prompt was Contravention. It made me think of Kris's somewhat skewed moral compass--he's not above killing people to enact what his sense of justice is. It's not really surprising, though... that is a Dark Knight more or less in a nutshell.

I am a day late on this one, but I still wanted to get it done and put it live :)

"What happened to the priest?"

Kris's tone is even as he asks. Too even, Tataru notes. It was clear the Viera was holding his anger back--not that she could blame him. The situation with the True Brothers of the Faith was nothing short of harrowing, and one of the priests became desperate enough when cornered to throw a child off the roof of the Vault.

Thank the Twelve Vidofnir caught her before it was too late… The chaos of the situation pulled Kris away from the aftermath, but he was clearly upset about what happened. Wish I had better news.

Tataru takes a moment before responding. "Trying to punish the True Brothers was… difficult, given the tense climate in Ishgard. The Lord Commander was forced to let them all go, including the priest on the roof."

"I see." Kris's voice betrays no emotion. He stares at the fire for a few moments before turning to leave the room. "It has been an eventful day… I need to rest. Have a good night, Tataru."

"Mm." Tataru frowns as she watches him leave. The Warrior of Light's time in Ishgard had left him withdrawn and jaded, and she worried for him. What am I to do, though? It's upsetting for us all… but our hands are tied.

It's always so cold… Kris lets out a sigh, looking up at the night sky. Cold in so many ways. It's been a few days since the True Brothers of the Faith tried to overtake the Vault and force Ayermic to stop his efforts to broker peace.

Kris had barely slept since then. He had been spending his nights in taverns and churches alike, looking for information. It's been so long since I've done something like this… good to know I still can, though.

He was surprised at how easy it was to find out more about the priest. Perhaps it was stupidity, or perhaps it was arrogance, but the Elezen made no effort to conceal himself after rebelling against Aymeric.

"Ridiculous…" Kris muttered under his breath. I will resolve it soon, though.

The Viera continues to watch the empty street, waiting patiently. He doesn't have to wait long, though, before he spots someone. Those robes, that face… it's him.

Kris waits until the tall Elezen passes by him before making himself known. "It's about time."

With a start, the priest spins around towards him. "Who are yo--" His voice quickly dies, however, when he lays his eyes on the Warrior of Light.

Kris's eyes shone with amusement as he takes a slow, deliberate step towards the priest. "What was it you said in the Vault?" He takes another step forward, causing the priest to stumble back slightly. "You would rather die than surrender, was it?"

Another step forward. "You still seem alive to me, priest."

The Elezen finds his voice again, though he starts to inch away from the Viera. "You… you dare threaten me?! Heathen! You came here and tore everything down--and you dare act like I am in the wrong!?"

He doesn't respond, and simply takes another step forward. The priest's indignation turns to fear. "Y-you cannot kill me! Everyone will know it's you! You'll ruin the precious peace that bastard is trying to broker with… with those things! You'll throw all of Ishgard into disarray--"

The priest is cut off as Kris suddenly chuckles. "You find yourself that important? No, I'm afraid you're mistaken." He suddenly lashes out, grabbing the priest by the collar before he's able to get away. "This is simply personal."

It doesn't take much to force the taller man down to Kris's eye level. "What is the point of all this if we do not rid cowardly scum like you from this world? You, who'd try and kill a child for your delusions?"

Kris's tone is eerily devoid of emotion as he pulls a knife out from his jacket.

"No, you will not be missed."

#ffxiv fanfiction #ffxiv fic #ffxiv oc #my oc #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ao3 #ffxivwrite2023 #ffxivwrite #shadow's elegy

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feedingtheflockministry · 1 year

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The question of “Why?” is something many, if not all of us ask God. It could pertain to a healing of an illness, disease, pain in the body, mental illness, addiction, handicap, body parts missing, and other things while you watch on as others are healed but others are not. It could be that you pray for a loved one to come to salvation in Christ while you win others for The Lord, but you can not reach your own loved one. You, or someone you know, could lose a child whether young or as an adult to an illness or accident while you or another parent serves The Lord fervently. Today I will share some stories of others that you may find comfort and encouragement in to help you in your struggle and question of “Why?”.

Nabeel Qureshi: Stomach Cancer

Nabeel was a fantastic apologetics teacher. He defended the divinity of Jesus Christ, explained the Holy Trinity (YHWY) perfectly, and preached the message of repentance and salvation fervently. He grew up as an devout Muslim with a Muslim missionary for a father. After years of debating with his college roommate David Wood and had a vision from The Lord he was finally convinced Jesus was Who He said He was.

In Nabeel’s mid-thirties after starting his family with wife Michelle he began to have stomach pains. At first he thought it was indigestion, but after a visit to the doctor he found out it was advanced stomach cancer. The treatment started very quickly, and Nabeel and everyone who knew of his situation was aggressively praying for his healing. During this time Nabeel started a video blog of his doctors visits, interviews with family members and friends, and prayers totaling 43 videos in all of him, and one more video of Michelle and her thoughts.

In video 20 Nabeel shares a dream of Jesus coming to visit him after he had asked for His visit prior to the dream. In the dream Jesus came to Nabeel in a mall food court type setting. Jesus hugged Nabeel and they sat down and talked. Nabeel could not remember what they spoke about except the words “baby bath”.

The following day as Nabeel and his wife Michelle started to give their two year daughter a bath (who always loves baths because of the bubbles) suddenly became fearful and acted as if she did not trust her parents anymore. She tried to hide in the corner of the bath tub with her back to them crying out “No!”. As Nabeel looked on he remembered those words of Jesus the night before and considered them. He realized that he was acting in a similar manner to God about his own situation.

Nabeel did pass away, but even on his death bed in his last video he still believed God could still heal him. He received his healing just on the other side of his last breath. Why did this happen to Nabeel during the prime of his life and ministry. It was to give him the opportunity to display his faith and trust in our God even when faced with certain death, and being taken away from his wife and child. It was also for the benefit of others that would later see his videos to learn from him to be strong in their faith and trust God in all circumstances. For the reward is great for such trusting faith.

Greg Laurie: A Son Who Leads Many to Christ, but His Own Mother Would Not Come.

Greg is a long time American pastor and evangelist. He grew up in a very unstable environment due to his mother’s reckless life. He came to Christ during the Jesus Revolution of the 1960’s and 70’s by means of a hippie street preacher named Lonnie Frisbee.

Greg ended up becoming a member of Calvary Church under pastor Chuck Smith and shortly became a member of the ministry team. He later went on to start his own ministry called Harvest Church, and continues to this day evangelizing in packed out stadiums, auditoriums, and churches. He has lead millions of people to Christ throughout his ministry career.

Many times his mother would come to his events, but would not give her life to Christ. For his mother loved the world to much to let it all go. This grieved Greg for years upon years. It was not until a month before she passed away that she finally gave her life to Christ.

This was not the only struggle Greg would face in his family life that would grieve him or give him an opportunity to be angry at God or doubt Him. Greg would also face the lose of a child. After his son was grown, married, and a child was on the way his son was tragically killed in an automobile accident. The grief was overwhelming as Greg was one of those dads that had a close relationship with his wife and children. Despite that lose however Greg was right back out there preaching the gospel message to thousands of people just days afterwards. Holding on to The Lord for comfort and peace.

The Woman With the Issue of Blood

Most of us know the story of the woman who bled for 12 years that Jesus healed. Such a wonderful story about her faith in Jesus. What many of us do not stop and consider is what life was like for her during those 12 years. The Chosen series does a fantastic job of showing what it might have been like for her.

Consider living in a country where the laws of purification in the mosaic law of the Torah were enforced everywhere you went. A woman who bled as she did would not have been allowed in the city or anywhere else for that matter. She would have defiled anything she touched. So for her to have been anywhere near Jesus at the time of her healing would have taken everything in her. She was putting herself in physical danger to reach the hem of Jesus’s garment. She laid all her trust on Jesus despite everything else, and that level of trust accessed the healing she needed.

Her healing did not come before that during her prayers nor fasting, but only when Jesus would receive praise and honor for it.

The Paralyzed Man at the Pool of Bethesda

Another person who Jesus healed was at the Pool of Bethesda. That man was paralyzed for 38 years. When Jesus showed up to heal him at first the man did not understand Jesus when He asked him, “Do you want to be healed?” The man thought Jesus was asking, “Do you want help to the water?” But his response told Jesus yes he did want to be healed. But consider two things in this event. First is his response to Jesus. He did not understand what Jesus was asking him. How many of us pray for a healing or relief from another problem, but do not ask why is this problem set before me? The second is he was the only one there that received healing from Jesus. Could it be that those others needed to grow in trust of God despite their circumstances, or possibly grow in through it?

Final Thoughts

There are many stories of lives that end in the healing or salvation of others, but there are many that do not. Through it all we must learn to trust God fully in all circumstances. We must continue our ministry efforts as believers despite the difficulties, but also rest when we need to. For none of the work we do for The Lord is wasted. It is all accounted to us in heaven.

#testimonies #christian testimony #christianity #christian

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emeraldskulblaka · 1 year

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Лэ о Лэйтиан (Act 2) - 24/11/2022 - Review

The recording can be purchased here; you can find clips from the performance here.

Review of Act 1

After an incredibly emotional Act 1 finale, Act 2 starts out on a more somber note. Trapped in Doriath, Lúthien is anxiously waiting for Beren's return, clutching her knees with shaking hands. Melian finds her, tells her of Beren's impressionnent, and essentially encourages her to go after him with a knowing look and smile on her face (which I find somewhat puzzling).

I'm not entirely sure how to interpret the scene with Daeron and the masks, but it's visually stunning and leaves you awestruck. (Does he mask his feelings from now on? As in, does he not allow himself to show his emotions, instead choosing to live his life seemingly indifferently?)

Lúthien arrives in Nargothrond and is immediately taken captive by the Fëanorians, but luckily Huan is the bestest boy around and frees her from Celegorm's cape (Celegorm clothed her in Fëanorian colours; an illusion to the fact that he wanted to wed her?). Remarkable elements include Huan bowing to Lúthien, and Lúthien being genuinely afraid of him at first. Their escape right in front of C&C's eyes, who are incapable of stopping them because they can't work together, will be the last opportunity for a good laugh in a while.

Back in Tol-in-Gaurhoth, Sauron leaves Finrod and Beren to his wolf, Carcharoth. Finrod summons his remaining power and forces Beren out of the way to protect him (he knows well that Beren stands no chance; he had already been limping and leaning on Finrod before they reached the isle). Beren will understand this only later. The fight between Carcharoth and Finrod is excellently choreographed (Grigoriev and Egorov get a chance to put their stunt skills on display), but it's a pity that Finrod doesn't get to break his chains here.

With Finrod dead in the corner (sob), Sauron prepares to deal with Beren, who is utterly at his mercy. However, the music announces Lúthien's coming, and as the being of music that he is, Sauron notices this, and is distracted. Beren seizes that opportunity and moves to attack Sauron, but to no avail. However, this enables Lúthien to enter the scene. The duel of Sauron and Lúthien that follows is entirely different from the one we've seen before, Lúthien clearly employs a different strategy; and finally, Sauron is writhing on the ground, held down by Huan. This scene is another one with impressive stunts, expertly executed by Nechaev and Bernada.

Beren as well as all other prisoners are released from the dungeon, and their joy and overwhelming relief upon seeing Lúthien, and the light of the day, respectively, is palpable. The way Beren and Lúthien cling to each other, and the freed people and Huan giving Finrod's body over to Námo, are sure to make you weep tears of tenderness, tears of thanks.

Thanks to Lúthien's incredible strategy, they overcome even the next Dark Lord, Morgoth himself, who (despite proving very resistant to sleep whereas his servants have long given up on fighting and are sleeping soundly next to their weapons) curls up conveniently right in front of B&L in his sleep. His massive, ear-shattering roar after he realises that one of his Silmarils is gone is the reason Angband is now called Lammoth 2. This scene in particular showcases how much Sokolova's Lúthien has grown as a character, how confidently she wields her power.

The next scene in Doriath is surprisingly tender; Thingol has realised his mistake and repents his actions, he holds his wife's (who way right) hand and even gives Beren (who delivers his dad joke with all the grace he can muster) and Lúthien his blessing. But Beren calls for the hunt for Carcharoth, and "The Hunt" begins. It's another visual highlight with Melian bathed in red light (also: there are SLEEVES) narrating the events unfolding far away, which can be seen at the back of the stage: Carcharoth waylaying elf after elf, and finally attacking and injuring Thingol, who is saved by Beren just in time. Rakovsky's Thingol genuinely cares about Beren; his grief and concern are evident in his face. Beren's last deed is handing Thingol the Silmaril before he dies in Lúthien's arms. "Just don't go so swiftly..."

Beren may have gone swiftly, but Lúthien follows right behind. Fearlessly, she confronts Námo and convinces him to give them another chance. Her path to mortality is neither easy nor pleasant (she is struggling to reach the top of the stairs), but truly, what need does she have of eternal Valinor if Beren is not at her side? The final lines are the only spoken lines in the entire show and all the more powerful for it. The darkness has passed, and she caught up with him (look at Sokolova's face. Pure joy)!

General thoughts:

Лэ о Лэйтиан unlocks emotions you didn't know you were capable of and makes you realise just how epic this story really is. This adaptation is crafted with a deep love for the source material, and an excellent feeling for conveying the spirit and portraying the characters of Middle-Earth on stage. I have commented on other creative aspects in Part One of my review, so it remains to say that despite its short runtime, it does not fall short in any other category!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

#eva watches musicals #lay of leithian rock opera #Лэ о Лэйтиан #silmarillion #these are my screenshots #I can't stick to one review style. not even two. Oof.#standouts among the cast in this act: vilena sokolova - ekaterina busygina - mikhail sidorenko

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lingshanhermit · 10 months

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Ling Shan Hermit: When the Devil Whispers in Your Ear

In Charlie Chaplin's 1921 cinematic gem, "The Kid," there unfolds a scene of intrigue: Chaplin finds himself in the midst of a dream, one where he has ascended to a paradise-like domain. Here, joy permeates every corner, song and dance are the order of the day, and all the inhabitants are adorned with angelic wings. Alas, this idyllic period is ephemeral. As the heavenly gatekeeper succumbs to sleep, devils stealthily infiltrate the blissful crowd, awaiting opportunities to stir trouble.

A young couple arrives on this stage. The young man temporarily departs, leaving the girl alone. Chaplin, who is seated not far off, watches this scene unfold. One of the devils spots the girl and discerns her underlying desire — an ambition to validate her charm. Taking advantage of her vulnerable state, he whispers sweet nothings into her ear, instigating her to attempt to seduce Chaplin. Initially, Chaplin seems resilient, immune to the girl's advances. Yet, the devil is equally adept at understanding the desires that stir within a man's heart. A few whispers into Chaplin's ear are all it takes to fan the flames of desire within him. Falling prey to the devil's machinations, he begins pursuing the girl. What transpires henceforth is far from the beautiful narrative that preceded it.

You see, this is the quintessential process of our fall from grace. As our mindfulness starts to wane, the devil seizes the opportunity to infiltrate our psyche. When we embark upon our journey of spiritual cultivation, the devil frequently whispers into our ears — words that only we can hear. "Why exert yourself so?" he'd coax, "You can afford to slacken your pace, take a breather." "What harm could a small deviation do?" he'd encourage, "You can always repent afterward." "You are truly remarkable," he'd flatter, "You've managed to see through my deception. You're incredibly astute." And most dangerously, "You're undertaking this for the sake of the Dharma, not for personal gratification." Once you start believing these whispers, the seeds of your downfall have already been sown.

There was a time when I basked in an aura of self-contentment, the world seemingly favoring me with all its bounties. Everything was mine for the taking, life was simply splendid. Gradually, I began to let down my guard, my former diligence replaced by complacency. The devil had started whispering into my ear. As I allowed myself to relax, to enjoy the 'fruits' of my spiritual endeavors, certain aspects of my life began to lose their firm footing. It was not until certain events transpired that I was jolted awake, leading me to the stark realization that the period I had once considered my golden era was, in fact, the true obstacle in my path.

What do we conventionally perceive as obstacles? Losing a job, or a partner leaving us for someone else? The genuine hurdles are often those that lull us into a false sense of comfort. It's akin to lying in a warm bathtub, a state of drowsy contentment. Those incidents that jolt us out of this cozy complacency can indeed be the most sublime blessings. Certain occurrences have the potential to shatter your illusions, to yank you out from the warm bathtub and thrust you into the harsh Arctic blizzard. Such experiences can be the most extraordinary blessings. Of course, it's understandable that not many would welcome such 'blessings'.

There was a period in my life where I encountered what I'll refer to, for now, as 'obstacles'. At the time, I genuinely perceived them as hurdles. Most people would probably agree with that sentiment. Yet, it was these very impediments that prompted me to take a long, hard look at myself: I must have erred somewhere, somehow, to have arrived at this juncture. I began examining my thoughts, words, and actions, rectifying my behaviors, and renouncing certain activities. If such challenges lead you to genuinely scrutinize and transform yourself, they ought to be regarded as blessings. However, we often find ourselves in a hurry to escape these blessings. Subconsciously, we yearn for a life devoid of disruptions, akin to luxuriating in a bathtub filled with warm water. We are reluctant to weather storms.

To extricate ourselves from such situations, we engage in various spiritual practices, praying to our gurus in the hope of restoring normalcy, of returning to the comforting warmth of our metaphorical bathtub. Most people would not readily admit that they undertake spiritual practices with such mundane objectives in mind. They deceive themselves. More likely, it's because they never really find the time to introspect deeply. A superficial approach to spiritual cultivation seldom provides the opportunity to glimpse one's true inner state.

Upon closer introspection, it's clear how dearly we cherish our cycle of existence, or samsara. We strive to preserve and renovate it, hoping to erect a refuge through Buddhism where we can temporarily escape the harsh realities of samsara. This essentially defines our spiritual cultivation. Do you offer daily prayers to your guru? What do your prayers encompass? Health, wealth, the affection of those you are fond of? Perhaps a promotion or raise at work? Are these not efforts to refurbish your samsara?

Would you ever pray to your guru for a complete loss of your possessions? Certainly not. If you were to lose a considerable sum of money on the stock market, you'd undoubtedly perceive it as an obstacle. You would be filled with worry and distress, but never would you joyously ring up your guru, exclaiming, "Wonderful! I've lost so much money! Thank you for your blessings." Instead, you would likely spend more money seeking the prayers and blessings of monks in an effort to recover your lost fortune.

Generally speaking, when everything is going smoothly, we lack the motivation for self-examination. An absence of difficulties does not aid you in understanding the nature of samsara. On the contrary, it immerses you deeper into it. Those events that help you truly recognize samsara and understand yourself are often the ones you dislike. When such incidents occur, we typically label them as obstacles. We categorize those experiences that disrupt our comfortable cycle of existence as hindrances. We resist them, strive to keep them at bay, hoping that with the prayers and blessings of monks, these misfortunes (yes, we refer to these blessings as misfortunes) will swiftly pass.

We crave a state where everything is under control, where life is serene and carefree, where we luxuriate in the warmth of our metaphorical bathtub. We resent being yanked out from this comforting warmth and thrust into a stormy blizzard. Yet, the most genuine blessings often manifest in exactly this manner.

As Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche once said, "The duty of a Dharma protector is to ensure you're on the correct path; if you deviate, they will guide you back." I may not remember his exact words, but the sentiment remains the same. Buddhist practice is not entirely a self-driven journey. For certain practitioners who meet the prerequisites, Dharma protectors are constantly vigilant, much like a shepherd overseeing his sheep. Unless you're entirely abandoned, they will in various ways make you aware of your missteps. They will shake you vigorously, until you awaken.

Yet, we often misconstrue such harsh awakenings as obstacles. When confronted with such "obstacles," we are prone to fear and concentrate exclusively on self-preservation. It is when I begin to defend myself that real obstacles emerge. I lose sight of my original intent. You too may lose sight of your grand objective, your bodhicitta, in the throes of self-preservation. Your sole aim becomes self-protection, returning your surroundings to normalcy, making everything seem under control, making everything look alright. During this process, your grand aspirations are eroded away. You begin to focus only on yourself. You start concerning yourself with the minor things, like a general meant to command thousands of troops, but now reduced to brawling with foot soldiers. Your focus is scattered, your attention diverted. You start defending a non-existent self, and it's these actions that disrupt your spiritual practice.

As a practitioner, you'll encounter numerous obstacles. Some are readily recognizable, others are more elusive, and many obstacles present themselves with an allure that invites you to embrace them. You might find yourself entwined in a dance with these barriers, lost in their allure. If you manage to see through and overcome these obstacles, even more formidable ones await. In the film "Little Buddha" starring Keanu Reeves, after Prince Siddhartha vanquishes the armies of the devil, the storm subsides and everything seems to regain tranquility. In the pool of water before him, his reflection appears - the final ruse of the devil. This reflection, bearing an uncanny resemblance to Siddhartha, declares, "I am you." Siddhartha sees through the devil's trickery and doesn't fall for it. "You are not me," he responds, causing the devil to vanish.

For Buddhists, the ultimate and most formidable obstacle is the belief in an "ego", followed by the conviction that everything else also has an "ego". Every mountain, every river, every color, every object, and even every posture and movement has a name. Every sound carries its own definition. Each scent, each flavor, each tactile sensation, and each thought is defined and conceptualized by our mind. This is the greatest obstacle and the king of all demons. It is the most elusive barrier, the greatest of all bosses, far more potent than the entry-level devils whispering in our ears.

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灵山居士：当魔鬼在你耳边低语

在卓别林1921年的电影《寻子遇仙记》（The Kid）里，有这么一段：当时卓别林正在做梦，他梦见自己去了一个天堂般的地方，那里每个人都很快乐，每个人都在唱歌跳舞，每个人都长着天使的翅膀。但是好景不长。我们看到天堂的看门人睡着了，魔鬼悄悄溜了进来。他们混入人群，伺机而动。然后，来了一对青年男女情侣。男的有事情暂时走开了。只留下女孩子一个人。卓别林就坐在不远处。魔鬼发现了女孩子，他发现了女孩子想要自我证明的心——她想要证明自己的魅力——他在女孩子耳边悄悄说了些话。女孩子被鼓动了，她开始尝试勾引卓别林。刚开始的时候卓别林似乎并未上钩。但是魔鬼同样了解男人的心。魔鬼在他耳边低语了几句之后，他也被鼓动了，他开始上钩。他开始追逐女孩子。之后的故事就不那么美好了。

知道吗？我们就是这样被鼓动的。当我们的正念开始打盹，魔鬼就溜进来了。当我们开始修行的时候，魔鬼会经常在我们耳边说话，那些话只有我们自己听得到。魔鬼会告诉你：“何必那么辛苦呢？你可以不那么努力，放松一下吧。”魔鬼会告诉你：“试一下又怎么样呢？反正你可以忏悔嘛。”魔鬼会说：“你真棒，居然能发现我的伎俩不上当。你太厉害了。”魔鬼还会告诉你：“你这是为了佛法。不是为了私欲。”如果你信了他的话，你的障碍就开始了。

有一段时间，我非常得意，世界似乎非常眷顾我，我几乎拥有了一切，一切都是那么美好。我开始不像之前那么勤奋，魔鬼开始在我耳边低语。我开始让自己轻松一点，很多东西开始松动。我开始享受修行的“成果”。直到后来有一些事情出现，把我惊醒。我慢慢了解到，那段我认为非常美好的时光才是真正的障碍。通常我们认为的障碍是什么？失去工作，老婆跟人跑了？真正的障碍会让你觉得一切还不错。你就像是躺在温热的浴缸里，有点昏昏欲睡。而那些把你带离这些的，才是最殊胜的加持。有些事情会出现，击碎你之前的迷梦。你就像是被人从温热的浴缸里拉出来，丢进北极的暴风雪里。这是最殊胜的加持。当然，我不认为会有人会欢迎这样的加持。

有一段时间，我遇到了一些“障碍”，我想我们可以先用障碍这个词来称呼它。当时我认为这确实是障碍。而大部分人也会视其为障碍。就是这些障碍，让我审视自己：一定是我做错了什么。才导致这些。我开始检视自己的身语意，我开始修正自己的行为。我开始断除一些事情。如果一些障碍让你真正的去审视自己，真正的改变自己，那我们应该称之为加持。但我们通常会急于摆脱这种加持。潜意识里，我们希望一切都顺风顺水。我们喜欢泡在充满热水的浴缸里。我们不喜欢经历风暴。为了摆脱这种局面，我们会修很多法，我们会祈祷上师，我们希望让生活回归正常，让我们重新回到温热的浴缸里。大部分人不会承认自己是怀抱这样的世俗目的去修持的。他们会骗自己。当然更多的可能是因为他们从未有时间对自己做深入的分析。浮光掠影的表面修持很难让人有机会一窥自己内在的真实状态。

如果仔细剖析，我们会发现我们对轮回的珍爱程度，我们希望维护我们的轮回，我们希望修缮它。我们希望用佛法搭建一个避难所，让我们可以暂时忘掉轮回的真相。这就是我们的修行。你每天都会祈祷上师吗？你祈祷的内容是什么？健康，财富，让你喜欢的人也能喜欢你？抑或是升职加薪。这难道不是在修缮你的轮回？你会祈祷上师让你家财尽失吗？当然不会。如果你投资股票损失了很多钱，你肯定认为你遇到了障碍。你会愁眉苦脸。你绝不会欢天喜地的给上师打电话说太好了我损失了很多钱谢谢上师的加持。你肯定会花钱请僧众念经加持以便让你损失的钱能够再赚回来。一般而言，在一切都很顺利的时候我们会缺乏审视自己的动力。一切都很顺利，不会帮你认识轮回，相反的，它会让你沉醉轮回。那些能够帮助你认识轮回认清自己的都是些你不喜欢的事，当这种事情出现的时候，我们通常会把它当作障碍。我们把那些令我们轮回不畅的事情叫做障碍。我们不喜欢它。我们会对抗它。我们希望把它关在门外。我们请僧众念经加持希望这些厄运（是的，我们称呼这种加持为厄运）尽快远离我们。我们喜欢一切都可控，我们喜欢一切都是云淡风轻，我们喜欢全身浸泡在温热的水里的感觉。我们不喜欢被人从水里拉出来丢进暴风雪。但真正的加持就是这样。

秋阳创巴仁波切说：“护法神的责任是确保你走在正道，如果你偏离了，他会把你赶回去。”我不记得原话，大概是这样。佛教的修行并非完全是自力，对于某些够资格的修行人来说，护法神一直在看着你——就像是牧羊犬看着羊。除非你被彻底放弃了，否则他们会以各种方式提醒你你走错了。他们会猛抽你，直到你清醒过来。

但很多时候，我们会把这样的猛抽当成障碍，当我们面对这样的“障碍”的时候，我们会被吓住，我们会忙于自保。当我开始自保的时候，我们的障碍才真正开始。我已经忘记了我是干什么的了。你早已经忘记你的大目标，你的菩提心，你忙于保护自己，你的目的只是保护自己，让周遭的一切恢复常态，我忙于让一切变得可控。让一切都看起来不错。在此过程中，你的雄心壮志都会被消磨掉。你开始只关心你自己。你开始只关心很小的事情，就像是本应指挥千军万马的将军，却被拉下马和小兵撕打起来。你被分散精力，被转移注意力，你开始保护并不存在的自我，你的修行就是被这些事情破坏掉的。

作为修行者，你会遇到很多障碍，有些你可能一眼就能认出，有些则很难认出，很多障碍看起来非常迷人，让你想要拥她入怀。你会和很多障碍共舞，沉醉其中。如果你能识破这些障碍，战胜这些障碍，还有更厉害的障碍等着你。在基努里维斯主演的《小活佛》里，在悉达多王子战胜了魔王的军队之后，风暴消失，一切似乎都恢复了平静，在他面前的水潭里，映出了他的影像，那是魔王最后的招数，那个长得和悉达多一样的影像告诉他：“我就是你。”悉达多识破了魔王的诡计，并未上当，悉达多说：“你不是我。”然后魔王就消失了。

对于佛教徒来说，最厉害最终极的障碍就是你认为有一个“自我”，然后万事万物也有一个“自我”。每一座山，每一条河，每一种颜色，每一个物体，甚至每一种姿势每一个动作，都有一个名字，每一个声音也都有它的定义，每一种香味，每一种味道，每一种触感，每一个念头，也都被我们的心定义了，被我们概念化了，这是最大的障碍和魔王，也是最难觉知的障碍，这是魔中之王，最大的boss，比那些在我们耳边低语的入门级的魔鬼要厉害多了。

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