#the majestic life of Jess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

19761107 · 8 months

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『Free Willy』～Parents Must only one thing ”I love you because you are you."～

1.Introduction

《Famous lines I want to tell you》

☆Glen: The simple reason that you can't have more than one love in your life…☆ 55：53～56：13

Background: Glen's line about letting go of his favorite classic car because he decided to use his affection, time and money for the person he cares about.

《Beautiful camera scene that I want you to see》

☆The scene where the moonlight reflects on the water surface and Willy calmly carries Jesse, who has fallen into the aquarium, to the surface☆ 31：11～33：11

2.Work introduction

This work tells the story of Jesse, a boy abandoned by his mother, who opens his heart to society and grows into an adult through emotional contact with a killer whale who was also separated from his family.

This is a work I would especially like to see for people who grew up without parents, who were constantly ignored, who were constantly interfered with, or who were abused when they were children.

I currently have a 4-month-old kitten, and he has been separated from his parents since he was born.

The kitten always comes closer to me, asking for physical contact.

Once he feels safe, he will start playing at a distance.

During this time, he will keep glancing at me to confirm the whereabouts of their guardians, and once he knows that he is safe, he will play around again innocently.

I have cats that are about a year old, and although they don't approach me very closely, they are always within 10 ft of me, lying down and grooming themselves while making sure they are safe.

I think that over time, their scope will expand and they will be able to act freely.

I think it's the same for humans.

This is a work that shows us how important that kind of contact is.

3.Orca family

The opening scene of the film begins with the camera showing a beautiful orca swimming majestically.

A large black fin appears on the sea surface.

A huge orca dances inside in the spray of water called zabaan.

All around them, the glittering waves were glowing orange under the setting sun.

The joyful sounds of a pod of killer whales swimming along with the sounds of seagulls.

The camera then takes pictures of the underwater world.

A killer whale and its baby are surrounded by many jellyfish and are twisting their huge bodies around.

Countless curtain-like lights shine into the sea from the sky.

Then, the men looking through binoculars and the hidden ship appeared, and the loud sound of the propeller and the metallic sound of the sailors chasing the killer whale resounded, surrounding the killer whale.

The killer whale family screams.

Then, the one killer whale was separated from his family and captured by humans.

4.A boy named Jesse

The scene changes, and the main character, a young boy named Jesse, tricks tourists at a tourist spot and becomes a beggar.

At a restaurant for tourists, Jesse and his take customers' leftovers from their tables.

Jesse briefly makes eye contact with a boy around the same age.

He felt envious of him because he was surrounded by his family, and he also felt pitiful, wondering what he was like.

Jesse's anxious face is shown to the audience, similar to the final scene of Director François Truffaut's ”Adults Don't Understand.”

Jesse's mother disappeared from Jesse's eyes six years ago.

He was abandoned.

Still, children don't think badly of their parents.

He can never admit that his mother abandoned him because it would make him miserable and deny his own existence.

Still, deep down he is deeply hurt.

Raised in an orphanage, he repeatedly ran away and became a delinquent.

He lives a life surrounded by bad friends while repeating crimes.

One night, Jesse and his friends run into an aquarium while being chased by the police.

By graffitiing the aquarium's bleachers with colored spray paint, Jesse fills the emptiness that cannot be filled.

There, he stumbles across a killer whale.

He was fascinated by the huge killer whale and was arrested by the police.

After the trial, he was sent to a juvenile detention center, but all he had to do was erase the graffiti on the aquarium.

Dwight, a black police officer who takes great care of Jesse, comes to pick him up.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Dwight: You were lucky this time.

I kept your behind out of court.

You have to clean up the mess you made at Northwest Adventure Park.

That is your probation. Any problems?

Jesse: Yes. Why should I clean it?

Dwight: But you split out again here,and I am out of the picture.

You'll be with Youth Authority.

Court supervised and controlled.

They'll put you in baby jail.

That means a lockup in juvenile hall.

Jesse: So?

Dwight: Your placement is still on.

The Greenwoods don't mind this incident.

Jesse: What's wrong with them?

Dwight: Because they want you in their home, there's something wrong with them, right?

Jesse: What do you think?

Dwight: I think that on paper, you're still real young, so you get some chances.

Not an infinite number of chances, but a few.

A few, son. You get it?

You got any questions about any of this?

ーーーーーーーーーー

The adults around him are very kind.

Dwight is aware of his situation and is trying to save Jesse by helping him and offering him a foster home.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: You hear from my mom?

Dwight: You still want me to hear from your mom?

Jesse: I just want to know if she's okay.

Dwight: Nobody's heard from your mom in six years, Jesse. ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse keeps waiting for his mother to come pick him up.

Jesse, who unconsciously carries with him the fact that his mother abandoned him, is hostile towards society.

He was an extension of his mother, who had abandoned him, and considered everyone around him to be his enemy.

His mother didn't acknowledge his existence, he felt inferior to himself, and he couldn't trust everyone.

Jesse believes his mother will come for him.

If he doesn't think so, Jesse's own existence will disappear.

Because his self-esteem becomes empty.

Jesse's heart is in crisis.

5.Unknown foster parents

Jesse then applies to become a foster parent, and he ends up living together under a temporary contract.

This is his first meeting with his foster parents.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie: Hi, Jesse

Glen: There he is.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen holds out his hand to Jesse.

Jesse reluctantly reached out and shook his hand.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen: Can I carry your stuff?

Jesse: No.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse strongly refused

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie: Why don't we go inside and wash up. and we'll have dinner.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen and Dwight sign the paperwork.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen: Well, this is a lease.

I ain't buying yet.

ーーーーーーーーーー

It's like determining whether a child will fit in with the house, what their personality is like, etc.

The foster couple, Glen and Annie, are a very kind couple.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie: You interested in computers?

Jesse: No.

Annie: I could teach you.

I learned last summer.

Jesse: I'm not into it.

Glen: That makes two of us.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Refuses to interact with people.

Jesse eats the prepared dinner like a stray dog.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen: What exactly are you into?

Jesse: I'm not into talking while I eat.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse pinches Glen and Annie.

Glen and Annie looked at each other, feeling helpless.

6.Warmth he've never felt before

Jesse was shown to his room.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen: Here's your room.

Annie: Our bedroom's downstairs, but you've got the best view in the house.

ーーーーーーーーーー

It was a warm room with a view of the sunset and the sea.

On the bed were clean clothes, new high-top Nike sneakers, and a present.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen: Go ahead, open it.

It's a welcome gift.

You can open it later, if you feel like it.

Annie: I bought you some things.

Some clothes, some socks…and there's lots of blue.

Dwight said you liked blue.

Try them on, and if you don't like them, we can exchange them.

Glen: We'll get out of here.

If you need us, we're downstairs.

Good night, Jesse.

Annie: It's great to have you here.

Good night.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse was surprised and confused by Glen and Annie's thoughtfulness.

He doesn't know what attitude he should take.

It's a great and warm environment for Jesse.

Jesse took out his harmonica from his backpack and calmed down his confusion.

The next day, he rides the newly bought bicycle and goes to the aquarium to remove the paint.

He visited Randolph, the manager.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph: The painter is back, welcome.

ーーーーーーーーーー

There, Jesse meets the killer whale again.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph: Seven thousand pounds, that one.

Jaws powerful enough to clash bones to oatmeal.

Willy gets into moods.

You've got to give him his space.

Don't bother him, he won't bother you. Understand?

ーーーーーーーーーー

That giant killer whale was named Willy.

At the venue, trainer Rae was putting on a sea lion show.

Jesse sees the interaction between the trainer and the sea lion and is relieved.

Willy also moves to the venue.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Rae: You're the graffiti kid.

Jesse: I guess.

Rae: You messed up our observation area.

Jesse: Sorry.

ーーーーーーーーーー

He said with a defiant look in his eyes.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Rae: You like whales?

Jesse: I like him.

Rae: He doesn't like anybody, so be careful around him.

Willy's a case.

A special case.

Jesse: So? Who isn't?

ーーーーーーーーーー

In the evening, he plays the harmonica out of hopeless loneliness.

Glen comes over and invites him to play catch.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen: Wanna play catch?

Jesse: Catch?

Glen: I like to throw the ball around once in a while.

Had this mitt since I was in 8th grade.

I used to sit around and spit in it, smack it.

Get a nice pocket there.

Look at that. Nice, huh?

Let's play?

Jesse: How much they paying you to be my jailer?

Glen: Jailer?

I'm making such a great deal on you, you wouldn't believe it.

You are a regular cash cow.

That, plus a million dollars, I could retire when I'm 300 years old.

You have to help me out a little.

Dwight says I'm supposed to make some rules for you.

Problem is, I've always been a better rule-beraker than rule-maker.

So tell me what you think you need.

Jesse: You're asking me?

Glen: You're the big expert, right?

Jesse: I don't know any rules.

Glen: A kid like you?

Been around, been in trouble…

What will it be?

Jesse: Let see…

I got it. First rule is…you have to give me an allowance every week.

Glen: Five bucks.

What's next?

Jesse: I don't know, I haven't thought yet.

Glen: While you're thinking, I need you in bed every night by 10:00.

And up every morning in time for breakfast.

And I want you in the house every night by 7.

And don't disappear without telling somebody.

We need to know where you are.

Jesse: Okey. ーーーーーーーーーー

7.Lonely Willy and Jesse meet

The next day, Jesse finishes erasing the paint in the viewing room and plays the harmonica again.

As if in tune with that sad and lonely tone, Willie appeared.

Willy squealed happily and came closer to Jesse.

Killer whales can hear sounds on the ground even from underwater.

Willy stared at Jesse from under the water.

Willy happily jumped backwards and splashed Rae as she walked.

When Jesse sees this, he bursts into laughter with a smile he's never seen before.

8.Are these people safe?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: He likes messing with people’s heads, doesn’t he?

Rae: Yes, he does.

If I can’t get him to perform. No one can.

Orcas are usually nice and smart.

Willy’s smart and nasty.

You really like him.

Jesse: Yeah

Rae: Good. You can help me out.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse helps prepare Willy's food.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Rae: Broken belly. Toss it.

Look. This is a good fish.

That’s a bad fish. Good fish, bad fish.

We must sort out what Willy can eat from the cheap crap they buy.

Jesse: Willy’s a killer whale, right?

So will he kill us?

Rae: Orcas are just hunters.

Mostly they eat fish.

Well, sometimes they’ll eat porpoises, squid, birds…sharks…

What Willy really likes is salmon.

That’s his chocolate.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse sneaks out of the house at night and goes to see Willy.

Jesse slips and hits his head, falling unconscious into the water.

Willy picked Jesse up by his nose and carried him to the poolside.

It is a quiet and mysterious scene where the water reflects the moonlight and gently carries Jesse.

Jesse regains consciousness after spitting out the seawater he swallowed.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: You saved my life.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Warm up at Randolph's house.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph: You must have something special, that’s why he didn’t eat you.

Jesse: What do you mean?

Randolph: I don’t know. High blood, medicine roots.

Jesse: No way.

Randolph: Then you’re just a lucky white boy.

You like that better?

Jesse: Willy doesn’t have a problem with me.

We appreciate each other.

Randolph: Appreciate?

Willy saved your butt.

Jesse: I don’t know why everybody has such a big problem with him.

Randolph: Willy doesn’t like visitors in his tank.

Why were you there?

Jesse: I came to say goodbye.

Job is almost up.

Didn’t want to say goodbye.

Randolph: Just maybe…

Old Indian stuff.

Orcas. Ever look into Willy’s eyes?

Those eyes discovered the stars…

Long before man was even a whisper on Mother Earth.

Could look into a man’s soul if they want.

Willy won’t look at Rae, or me.

Maybe he sees you.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Anxious, aggressive, and frightened people are foreign and scary.

Before you know it, a wall will be built.

If that happens, we won't be able to communicate with each other.

Although Jesse is worried, he gradually gets closer to Glen, Annie, Randolph, and Rae, and they get to know each other a little better.

In this way, he can gradually lower your defensive posture.

When he arrived home, Glen and Annie were awake and worried.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie: Jesse, where have you been?

You are soaked.

Jesse: I was at work.

Glen: You snuck out at night to clean up graffiti.

That’s an amazing story.

Jesse: I fell in the tank.

Annie: The whale tank?

Glen: Will somebody tell me what the heck is going on?

Jesse: I slipped and fell in the tank. It’s my fault.

Randolph: Forks, my name is Randolph.

I've been supervising Jesse at the park.

He does a good job.

Did his cleanup, helped out in some other areas and made friends.

We could use him for the rest of the summer, if that’s okay with you

Make a job of it.

Pay him a little something.

Glen: What do you say?

Jesse: I want to please!

Glen: Finally found something you’re into?

Annie: It sounds okay, but days.

No more sneaking out at night.

Jesse: All right. I promise I won’t.

Glen: Just be straight with us from now on.

If there’s something you need, just ask.

Think you can do that?

Jesse: Yes.

Glen: All right, it’s past your bedtime.

Get in the house, son.

Jesse: I’m not your son.

Glen: Yeah, I know that. ーーーーーーーーーー

9.Where is my place?

When Jesse went to the aquarium in the morning, Willy was stuck in a net and was being forcefully examined.

Willy chirped anxiously and looked at Jesse sadly.

Jesse secretly unties the rope and rescues Willy from the net.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph: I saw what you did.

Jesse: So?

Randolph: So nothing.

I’m sure Willy’s grateful.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse went to the fish market and got some fish for Willy.

This may be the first time Jesse has acted for someone.

There he meets his bad friend Perry.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Perry: Yes, Jess.

What's up? New clothes. New gig?

Jesse: Staying with some people.

Perry: It’s cool.

What happened that night?

I saw you get popped.

Jesse: Not much.

Had to clean up all our mess.

I'm working there now.

Perry: They looking for me?

Jesse: Not.

Perry: Cool.

It’s a total drag, man. Sorry.

Jesse: No sweat.

Where have you been staying?

Perry: Dayton set me up.

Working for him now.

Looking out for cops and stuff.

I mentioned you to him.

I can hook you up if you want.

Jesse: I gotta think about that.

Perry: Snooze, you lose.

Jesse: Stop by sometime.

See you around. I gotta bail.

See you.

ーーーーーーーーーー

10.Shrink the distance

Jesse gave Willy the fish and gingerly stroked Willy's nose.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: You're like…rubbery.

Your skin peels off.

Still a beautiful animal though.

Well, buddy, I gotta go.

I'll save these scraps and fishes for later.

ーーーーーーーーーー

At first, Jesse thought Willy might bite him.

In reality, Willie allowed Jesse to touch him.

The feel was soft, like rubber.

This work teaches us that touching is something we do to resolve this misunderstanding.

Willy quietly follows Jesse as he leaves.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: You want to go with me?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Willy showed his belly and raised his fins high in the air.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: I can do that too.

Can you do it with your other arm?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Willie looked at Jesse and raised his opposite fin high.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Can you wave?

Can you dance for me?

Can you groove? Dance?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph and Rae were passing by and saw the scene.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Can you go in circles?

You're really doing it.

Look at you.

Makes me dizzy.

Randolph: Looks like Willy has a soul mate.

Rae: Can you feed him?

Jesse: Sure I can feed him.

Rae: Out in the ocean, killer whales like Willy live in families, pods.

Some of them never leave their moms.

Jesse: Never?

Rae: Their social structure is important to them.

Over 50 orcas have been seen traveling together.

Some of them stay together forever.

Jesse: You've seen them?

Rae: My dad was in the Navy.

He did sonar research on whales.

I went out there all the time.

Jesse: Do you do research here?

Rae: Here I'm just a trainer, but I want to work out on the ocean.

I'm going back to school to get my Ph.D. in marine biology.

Jesse: If you do that, Willy will be alone.

There'll be no one to take care of him.

Well, Charlie's in school…

Jesse: Who's Charlie?

Rae: My boyfriend, Charlie.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Jesse: What makes you think I want one?

Rae: Just guessing.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse begins to communicate with people other than himself.

What they are interested in

Dream for the future

Current situation

What they think about when they live

In this way, we get to know each other and become closer.

We begin to feel closer to others.

Jesse asked Rae to teach him how to train.

I think Jesse now knows how to receive love.

Jesse is given a book by Randolph.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: What's this?

Randolph: Thought you'd want to know what we're dealing with.

My father gave it to me.

It's "Haida"

"Haida" is the name of my people.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph is of Native American descent.

In a sense, he is also a member of a minority ethnicity and is rejected by American society.

In this way, this work teaches us what the individual and the community are.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph: 300 years ago, there were so many fish in the water…

my people only had to spend one day a week gathering food.

Everybody ate like kings.

Jesse: What did they do the rest of the time?

Randolph: Carved and painted totems.

Made music, told stories, made babies.

Jesse: Sounds good to me.

Randolph: “Skaana.”

It's the Haida word for "whale."

Natselane was a Haida who lived long before there were orca whales.

Hunting fish with the other warriors, young Natselane lost his way.

While he was searching, a fierce storm began.

Natselane couldn't find shelter anywhere.

The otters came and took him deep under the water where he'd be safe.

After the storm, Natselane again searched for the braves.

But all he found was a huge log.

He began carving a great beast in the log and tried carrying it to the ocean.

Finally he found water, but it wasn't the ocean.

The great carving sank to the bottom of this pool and disappeared.

Natselane sat and watched and waited, saying a prayer he'd never heard before.

“Sarana Eyo Asis…”

Jesse: “Sarana Eyo Asis…”

ーーーーーーーーーー

The scene then changed and Jesse shared the story's emotion with Annie.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: He kept saying this prayer.

He'd never heard it before.

It really got crazy, because the water started flying out…

and all this commotion started happening.

And out of the water came the carving.

It wasn't a carving.

It was a whale, like Willy.

He flew all the way down to the ocean, like a bird…

and Natselane, he went after him, down to the beach…

and he got on his back and rode him all the way home.

Isn't that cool?

Annie: That's very cool.

What is this?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie points to what Jesse was holding.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: It's an orca, like Willy.

Randolph gave it to me.

It's from his tribe.

Annie: It's beautiful.

Well, you get some rest.

Sweet dreams.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse also begins to bond with Annie.

I believe that by conveying his emotions to others, he has become able to give her love.

This is how people become closer together.

11.What do I need?

One night Willy was crying out to sea.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: What's matter?

What awful noise for?

ーーーーーーーーーー

It was singing to a family that had come to the beach nearby.

Jesse understands more than anyone else how Willy feels without his family.

Jesse always travels by bicycle, and you can understand his heart by the way he rides that little bicycle.

Jesse runs down the hill and rides dashingly to the aquarium.

You can painfully understand his childishness, the strength and haste of his desire to bond with someone.

It's very cinematic.

Jesse delivers the lunch to the car repair shop where Glen works.

Jesse looks at the picture of Annie and himself on Glen's desk.

He didn't seem to feel bad.

Show interest by looking at pictures of classic cars.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Neat car.

Check it out.

Glen: You like that car?

That's a classic, It was the love of my life.

I spent a year and a half getting that baby in primo condition.

Then I had to sell it.

Jesse: Why?

Glen: The simple reason that you can't have more than one love in your life.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Does this mean that Glen has decided to spend his affection, money and time on what is most important?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: You and Annie…ever fight?

Glen: Yeah, we schedule one every other month or so.

Why?

Jesse: Just asking.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Maybe Jesse was scared because his parents fought when he was young.

We were moved to see Jesse, who had never shown any interest in computers or playing catch, have the courage to start communicating on his own.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Oh, what is this?

Glen: That's a picture of me and my mother.

Long time ago.

About your age there.

Jesse: Where is she now?

She died. About two years ago.

Jesse: Well, my mom's coming to get me one of these days.

Glen: She is?

Jesse: Not too long from now.

Glen: That's funny.

That's not what they said.

Jesse: You don't believe me, do you?

Glen: It's not that.

I just the impression that…

Jesse: I don't care what they said!

They don't know anything! ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen takes pity on Jesse and tries to pat Jesse on the head, but Jesse refuses.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: My mom has some things to take care of, then she's coming for me!

ーーーーーーーーーー

This shows that the bond between children and their mothers is very strong.

No matter what kind of mother she is, to a child, the mother is like the world they live in.

We all instinctively feel that we deserve to be accepted.

We can only give a good interpretation.

Otherwise, our existence will be denied.

12.Confess each true feelings

Annie and Glen start arguing over Jesse.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie: What happened?

Glen: He wasn't at the park.

Annie: He wasn't?

Maybe we should call Dwight.

It's after 11.

Glen: I know what time it is!

…I'm sorry.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse is back.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie: Jesse, where have you been?

Glen: You weren’t at the park.

You’re supposed to tell us where you are.

Jesse: Doesn’t matter.

You want to dump me? Go ahead.

I’m not living here.

I’m staying here for a while.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse went to his room on the second floor.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen: How do you like that?

Just when you think you’re starting to get through, starting to make sense…

starting to make a connection…

Annie: He's scared, and he's pushing us away.

Glen: I'd like to push him out the door.

Annie: Don't say thing like that!

Glen: Does it make you angry?

Annie: It didn't help that you used that tone of voice with him!

Glen: He's driving me crazy!

Annie: You know why you're angry?

Glen: Why?

Annie: You care for him.

That scares you, because he reminds you of yourself.

Glen: We did the best we could do.

It doesn't have to be more than that.

Is this another of your crusades?

Annie: This is not a crusade!

We're talking about a human being!

Glen: Annie, I'm happy, just you and me.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse heard their conversation from upstairs.

Jesse reads the letter that came with the gift from them.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Letter: Dear Jesse, Welcome to our home,

Love, Annie and Glen.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse picked up his new baseball gift and threw it out the window.

Jesse was hurt by the fact that he was a burden.

To his mother, to Glen…

That was the thing Jesse didn't want to admit the most.

I think Glen also wasn't mentally prepared to welcome Jesse into his home.

I think it was because he was tired from work and couldn't concentrate enough.

There are many children in the orphanage who are hungry for love.

But they never thank you for taking them in.

Being taken from a protected and comfortable environment to a strange building and a stranger's place where they don't know what will happen.

I think we should never treat them with pity.

They need time to break with their past selves and feel safe here.

The broken window glass seems like the shape of Jesse's heart right now, and it makes our heart hurt.

Jesse became aggressive because he was worried that he would be abandoned again.

His mind was at its limit.

Jesse breaks down crying on his bed.

Annie and Glen rush in.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie: Jesse, are you okay?

Jesse: I just got scared.

Annie: What are you scared about?

Jesse: I don't know.

I heard you guys fighting.

It scared me.

Glen: Jesse, Adults argue sometimes…

but that doesn't mean that anybody will get hurt.

I'd never hurt Annie.

Or you.

You should know that.

Jesse: I know.

Glen: I see you opened your present.

Jesse: Yeah, thanks.

Glen: Let's go outside and find the baseball.

What do you say?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse's courage is that he honestly confessed his feelings to Annie and Glen.

I think this is because through his interactions with various people, he learned that they were also struggling to survive, and he was able to understand their feelings.

I think that because Annie, Glen, and Jesse were able to express their true feelings to each other, they became closer to each other.

Glen and Annie then watch over Jesse tenaciously.

Jesse, who had been stealing until now, buys Salmon, Willy's favorite food, with his own pocket money for the first time.

Jesse, who was unable to receive love because of someone other than himself, now becomes the one who gives love.

Jesse, who did not receive the love of his parents that he was supposed to receive, starved of love and made enemies of those around him, but now he has grown to be the one who gives love.

13.Each place of residence

Perry appears with a cigarette in his mouth.

Dayton and Perry are moving to Los Angeles for work, so he asks Jesse to go with him.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Perry: I'm going.

First Sacramento, then L.A.

Dayton and I are like…business partners.

You can get in on it.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse looked at Willy.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Perry, I can't do right now.

Perry: Come on, man.

This is major stuff.

We're gonna be rich.

All right, fool, be that way.

Here. This is where we're going.

If you get the guts to go, look me up.

Jesse: Sure. See you Perry.

ーーーーーーーーーー

The camera showed Perry's back.

He seemed worried about his future.

Jesse talks to Willy.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Hey Willy.

You miss your family?

Couldn't take care of me.

Couldn't even take care of herself.

I haven't seen her since I was little.

But, you know, I still miss her.

Greenwoods are okay. They're okay.

You know, it's rough.

I'm nervous with them.

That's just the way it is.

Could be a lot worse.

Really. You understand?

I'm sure you miss your family too.

I hope you find them one day.

I love you, Willy.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse tries to get Willy to learn tricks, make his tank bigger, and treat him better.

Willy becomes attached to Jesse and begins to do many tricks with him.

However, Willy, who was not used to people, did not do any tricks at the actual show where there was a large audience.

Willy was frightened.

A crowd of spectators peering into the water bang on the door of the viewing room.

It's just like the outside world as seen from Jesse.

Jesse was very depressed.

Jesse feels like it's his fault and he gives up on everything.

No matter what he does, he feels like he can't do it.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Rae: He just wasn't ready.

Jesse: No.

Rae: That wasn't your fault.

You didn't do anything.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Unable to live up to everyone's high expectations, he ends up denying himself because he has low self-esteem to begin with, and he desperately want to run away from that.

Glen, Annie, and Dwight comfort him as he becomes desperate.

Jesse kicks the trash can.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Dwight: Jesse, I'll hold it and you kick it.

Annie: Jesse, it takes a lot of courage to do what you did…

…to work with an animal that's so big and strong.

Glen: Maybe that whale just doesn't want to be a performer.

You gave it your best shot.

You worked hard, and you did everything you could.

Annie: And we're very proud of you.

I'd be nervous too if I had to do tricks in front of all those people.

Dwight: What up?

Show wasn't…

Jesse: Screw the show and the Greeenwoods.

Dwight: So now they're against you too?

Jesse: Like everything else.

Dwight: I don't think you have it so bad with the Greenwoods.

Jesse: Then you live there!

I'm sick of this place!

I'm going to find my mom.

Dwight: You mean you're gonna hit the streets again?

Jesse: No, I'm going to find my mom.

Dwight: Right.

The state can't find her.

The federal government can't either.

Jesse: I'll find her.

Dwight: When are you going to get it?

She's not coming back.

Forgot the day she dropped you on that doorstep?

Forgot about that?

Well, I remember.

Turned around and drove away.

Didn't look around or slow down, didn't look in the rearview mirror.

That's sound like somebody's mama to you?

These two people want to be your friend.

That's more than your mother ever was.

And you could use a friend.

Because if you go off on your own…

you'll end up losing big-time.

You got that?

Jesse: Shut up and leave me alone!

Annie: I feel sorry for Willy.

Jesse: Me too.

Annie: But you know, animals can be unpredictable…

and they can misbehave sometimes just like people.

But that doesn't mean you have to lose faith in them.

Right?

Well…good night.

ーーーーーーーーーー

By Jesse's bedside was the ball Glen had given him and a postcard with an address in Los Angeles left by Perry.

It's a scene where you wonder which side Jesse will choose.

The crossroads of fate is expressed through video.

Jesse decides to visit Perry in Los Angeles and leaves home at night.

14.Important things

Jesse came to the aquarium at night to say goodbye to Willy.

Willy puts the float in his mouth and approaches Jesse as if to ask him to play with him.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: What do you want?

Go out of here.

Just go.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse threw the float far away to try to get Willy away.

Willy retrieved the float and approached Jesse to play with him again.

It is a beautiful and quiet scene illuminated by the flickering moonlight.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Now you want to mess around.

What happened today?　

You choked, didn’t you?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Willy splashes Jesse. As if to tell him not to say that…

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Quit it.

Better stop that.

Quit it.

It's goodbye now

ーーーーーーーーーー

Willie cried out sadly.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Don’t you start that now.

I’m out of here.

Going to California.

Have a good life.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Willy began to cry sadly towards the sea.

Jesse climbed to the top of the hill and looked toward the sea, where he saw Willy's family.

What did Jesse feel?

I think Jesse, who was starting to feel the warmth of his family, started missing Annie and the others.

After this, an escape drama begins from the aquarium to the cove in order to save Willy, who is about to be killed by the aquarium owner for the insurance money.

While transporting Willy, the trailer gets stuck in the mud and stops moving.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph: We've definitely hit some kind of low.

No question about it.

Rae: We need help.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Randolph and Jesse run out of options and are about to give up.

Willy is drying up and dying.

Jesse asks Glen for the first time.

He called out to you from the bottom of his heart over the radio in the car.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Glen? Annie?

You guys there?

Glen: Yeah, Jesse?

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen and Annie rushed over immediately.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie: Jesse, are you all right?

Jesse: I'm okay.

Glen: What's going on?

What are you doing with my truck?

And this whale?

Jesse: They tried to kill Willy.

Annie: Kill him?

Jesse: We're putting him back in the ocean.

Glen, help us.

Help us, and I'll do anything.

Anything!

Glen: What is it that you think I want from you.

Jesse: I don't know.

I don't know what you want from me.

Look, I've got to look out for Willy, and I've got to do what's best for him.

You understand?

Please, Glen.

I'm asking for your help.

He's gonna die.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse, who is aggressive and sees those around him as enemies, desperately begs Glen not for himself but for his friends.

Michael Madsen, who plays Glen, has very melancholy eyes, similar to James Dean.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Glen: There's a chain and a winch behind the seat of the truck.

Go and get it.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse hugged Glen.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Thanks Glen.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Annie looked at them with teary eyes.

15.break the chains

Willy's escape is also an escape from Jesse's trapped mind.

It is an escape from the cage inside himself that he has created for himself.

Jesse has been abandoned and has lost her existence, and in order to protect herself on the verge of death, he is trying to destroy the cage he created to protect himself from the people around her who he believes are his enemies.

Willy's big jump on the breakwater surrounding the last cove is Jesse's big jump.

It's not easy.

It takes courage.

It is a high embankment.

We don't think he can get over it.

It looks like it's going to bounce off.

It looks like it will be damaged by the impact.

He may never be able to recover.

He may feel hopeless.

But Jesse mustered up his courage.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Come here boy.

I'll miss you.

Don't forget me, okay?

I won't forget you.

Say hello to your mom for me.

I really love you, boy.

I believe in you.

You can do it, you can be free.

Do it, do it!

Come on, Willy.

I know you can do it!

I know you can jump this wall!

I believe in you!

You can do it!

You could be free!

Come on!

You can jump it.

Come on, Willy!

You only have to do it once!

Just once!

Rae: You ever see him jump that high?

Randolph: Things can happen…

Jesse: “Sarana Eyo Asis…”

Randolph: “Sarana Eyo Asis…”

Jesse: Bye, Willy.

I'll miss you.

Hope we get to see each other some time.

I love you.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse heartily thanked Glen and Annie.

ーーーーーーーーーー

Jesse: Thank,guys.

Thanks, guys.

Thanks a lot.

So long, Willie.

Annie: Let's go home.

Jesse: Yeah

ーーーーーーーーーー

And Jesse also returned to his home, where he felt truly safe.

16.What is it like to be a parent?

Willy was in the same situation as Jesse.

In this film, Jesse and Willy are like mirrors.

Both Willy, who has been separated from his family, and Jesse, who has been abandoned by his mother, seem to understand each other's feelings.

Jesse sees Willy cries sadly and is hostile towards humans, and sees Willy in his own image.

Jesse can look at his current state objectively.

He learns what he and Willy need, what is important, and that is touch and a safe place.

Willy's family is waiting for him across the ocean.

Willy is considered important.

When Jesse thinks about himself, he realizes that although he was abandoned by his mother, there are many people who treat him kindly, including his foster parents Glen and Annie, his guardian Dwight, his caretaker Randolph, and his trainer Rae.

So he can know where his safe zone is.

His self-esteem, which had been on the verge of collapse, started to grow again, he began to like himself a little more, and he began to understand others through interactions with those around him, and his heart began to change.

He was able to accept the love of society.

He learned that they are not enemies, but kind people with their own unique characteristics and egos.

A mother's sin is great.

Sadly, no children can deny any parents.

But if they don't overcome it, they won't be able to remake themselves.

"Free" means release from feelings for a mother who doesn't love you.

To let a child be alone in early childhood is to push him into darkness.

It's not just about not being around, it's also about indifference, over-interference, and conditional love.

It needs to be a love without conditions, a love that gives you a sense of security that just being there is enough.

Without love, children are lonely.

They don't feel safe. they're full of anxiety.

In trying to protect themselves, hostility toward society is born.

I'm sure you've all felt threatened when approaching a stray dog or cat.

They are just defending themselves.

Due to endless anxiety, they intimidate those around them, pander to someone strong, become dependent on someone who seems to protect them, and become lethargic when they realize that this will not happen.

This is because they have very little or no love for themselves.

Those who have locked your hearts in prison, please remember this.

ーーーーーーーーーー

"I'm never bad, I'm never bad, I'm never bad."

“I can live too, I can live too, I can live too.”

ーーーーーーーーーー

Break up with your past parents.

There is no need to cover it at all.

You didn't give you the love you deserved.

Unless you are clearly aware of this, you will not be able to move forward.

That's the real starting line.

The people around you that you were afraid of were illusions that you created out of fear.

If you have the courage, you can create your own home.

It means changing affiliation.

In this way, people gradually change their affiliations, take on more responsible roles, acquire their own identity, and grow into adults.

Do you give your child the reassurance that they just need to be there?

ーーーーーーーーーー

”I love you because you are just you."

ーーーーーーーーーー

Giving that kind of love to a child is worth more than billions.

No matter how much money you have, if you don't have self-esteem, confidence, or love others, you'll have to live an unhappy life.

"Free Willy" is a refreshing work that you will want to watch over and over again.

See you again in the next work.

Goodbye.

…THE END AND TO BE COUNTED..　　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 17.Related works

『Free Willy 2』 directed by Dwight H. Little

『Free Willy 3』 directed by Sam Pillsbury

『Free Willy 4』 directed by Will Geiger

『Adults Don't Understand』 Directed by François Truffaut

0 notes

chrancecriber · 10 months

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Antenne Vorarlberg Chillout Lounge (July 18, 2023)

23:57 Beyhude - Alabora 23:55 Dimitri Vegas - Pull Me Closer 23:50 The Funky Lowlives - Time To Let Go 23:46 Lstn - Sky & Sand 23:43 Kygo & Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It 23:39 Alan Walker - Alone (Restrung) 23:37 Yves V X Bashkar - Halfway (Feat. Twan Ray) 23:30 Leftfield - Original 23:27 Nora En Pure - Life On Hold 23:25 Nathan Evans - Wellerman (220 Kid X Billen Ted Remix) 23:21 Air - Talisman 23:18 Carstn & Ten Tonne Skeleton - Safety Dance 23:14 Schiller - Midnight In Shiraz 23:08 Jody Wisternoff Feat. Sian Evans - The Bridge (Chicane Rework) 23:02 The Last Atlant - Twin Of The Sun 22:59 Mike Candys & Jack Holiday - Saltwater (Rework) 22:55 Liberdade - Otra Vida 22:52 Kai Schwarz, Cayus & Yass - My Love Is Your Love 22:48 Arty Feat. Cimo Fränkel - Daydreams (Sultan Shepard Echoes) 22:43 Les Negresses Vertes - Face A La Mer 22:40 Blank & Jones Feat. Mick Roach - Magnolia 22:35 Buttha - Oceanic (Original Mix) 22:32 Dj Antoine Feat. Craig Smart - Good Vibes (Good Feeling) (Dj Antoine Vs Mad Mark 2k19 Mix) 22:28 Duboss - Losing My Religion 22:23 Aisen - Another Day 22:20 Chicane Feat. Bryan Adams - Don't Give Up 22:17 York - On The Beach (Kryder & Jenjammin Sax Edit) 22:10 Sans Souci - Seaside (Extended Mix) 22:07 Chaël Feat Kaii - Don't Speak 22:04 Cotone - Faded Glory 22:02 Robert Manos - With No End 21:58 Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground 21:56 Felix Jaehn & The Stickmen Project Feat. Calum Scott - Rain In Ibiza 21:49 Jan Blomqvist - The Space In Between 21:46 Melokind - Tiefgang 21:43 Lucas Estrada, Twopilots - Bloom 21:40 Brando - Don't Call Me (Galantis Remix) 21:37 Alok Feat. Alida - Love Again 21:33 Jan Blomqvist, Elena Pitoulis - More (Original Mix) 21:31 Carstn, Jason Walker - Could You Love Me (Munich Monstrs Remix) 21:23 Armin Van Buuren & Avira Feat. Sam Martin - Mask 21:20 Sam Feldt - Post Malone (Feat. Rani) 21:17 Kungs Feat. 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(Wilcox Extended) 19:04 Consoul Trainin Feat. Steven Aderinto & Duoviolins - Obsession 18:58 Milan Euringer And Tube & Berger - Lovebreak 18:54 Trinix - Vision Deluxe 18:52 Mellowdy - Rise Up 18:47 Moca - Kleine Träumerei 18:44 Edx & Amba Shepherd - Off The Grid 18:41 Vize & Leony - Dolly Song (Devil's Cup) 18:37 Sise - The Rain (Where Do I Begin) 18:33 Kyla La Grange - Cut Your Teeth 18:27 Dale Anderson Feat. Anil Chawla - Pimento Grove 18:23 Chubbanak Club - Candysnow 18:20 Mount & Emdey - Venus 18:15 Loopaland - Born To Be Alive 18:12 Majestic & Boney M. - Rasputin 18:09 Hypnosis - Pulstar 18:03 Chicane - Offshore 17:58 Elderbrook & Bob Moses - Inner Light 17:56 The Holy Santa Barbara Feat. Madugo - The Sailor Song 17:49 Adana Twins - Strange 17:45 Mandala Dreams - Mirror Lake 17:42 Sans Souci - Nanda 17:36 Sunlounger & Zara - Lost (Chillout) 17:33 Topic, Robin Schulz, Nico Santos, Paul Van Dyk - In Your Arms (For An Angel) 17:30 Lucy Neville - Ransom 17:24 4 Wing - Penelope 17:21 Loud Luxury And Frank Walker Feat. Stephen Puth - Like Gold 17:15 Esteban Garcia - Para Mi 17:12 Blank & Jones Feat. Coralie Clément - Cest Mieux 17:09 Glockenbach Ft. Clockclock - Brooklyn 17:06 Calvin Harris & Disciples - How Deep Is Your Love 17:02 Alex Breitling - Lilie 16:53 Christopher Von Deylen - Heaven Can Wait 16:49 Spanish Armada Movement - Margarita 16:46 Jeremy Loops - Til I Found You 16:42 Cats On Bricks Feat. Zach Alwin - Planes Over Ushuaia 16:38 Vintage Culture And Rooftime - I Will Find 16:36 Feder & Ofenbach Feat. Dawty Music - Call Me Papi 16:34 Colorblast - Message In A Bottle (Colorblast Version) 16:30 Blank & Jones - Grown Minds 16:28 Digital Camel - Shine Bright 16:23 Boozoo Bajou Feat. Wayne Martin - Moanin' 16:15 Miyagi, Sascha Braemer, Dan Caster, Jan Blomqvist - Woodpeckers Love Affair 16:08 Monolink - Don't Hold Back 16:02 Fous De La Mer - Vue Sur La Mer 15:59 Backstreet Boys - Chances (Instrumental) 15:53 Nora En Pure - Thermal (Extended Mix) 15:49 Oovee Feat. Alesha Dixon - Higher Love 15:41 Blond:ish Feat. Bahramji - Omnipresent 15:37 Alina Baraz & Galimatias - Fantasy (Felix Jaehn Remix) 15:34 Nightmares On Wax - Passion 15:31 Lizot - Daddy Cool 15:28 Filous - Let It Snow (Original Mix) 15:23 Sphere - I Fly Away 15:16 Soul Button - Circadian Rhythm (Hraach Remix) 15:13 Melosense - Polarization (Original Mix) 15:10 Lost Frequencies X James Arthur - Questions 15:08 Twisted Harmonies Feat. Mougleta - You & Me 15:04 Alle Farben - Berlin 15:01 Kush Kush & Sickmellow Feat. Kazhi - Blacklight 14:59 Atb & Topic - Your Love (9pm) 14:53 Oliver Koletzki - A Tribe Called Kotori 14:50 Felix Jaehn Feat. Zoe Wees - Do It Better 14:47 Sunnery James & Ryan Marciano - Let It Lie 14:44 Mark Brown - The Journey Continues (Acoustic Version) 14:41 Alle Farben & Fools Garden - Lemon Tree 14:38 Hbz, Anna Grey & Agent Zed - Aloha Hey 14:35 Drenchill Ft. Indiiana - Hey Hey 14:29 Goa Foundation - (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight 14:25 Mind Against, Dyzen - Freedom 14:22 Sam Feldt & Sam Fischer - Pick Me Up (Vavo Remix) 14:18 Ac Venture - Rain In Spain (Roberto Sol Remix) 14:11 Desert Dwellers - Union 14:03 Maxim Lany - Riding The Wave (Extended Mix) 14:00 R3hab & Marnik - Candyman 13:54 Sherrie Lea - No Ordinary Love (Arnold T Chill Mix) 13:52 Meduza Feat. Goodboys - Piece Of Your Heart 13:48 Eli & Fur - Come Back Around 13:45 Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike Vs. Diplo Feat. Deb's Daughter - Hey Baby 13:42 Klingande & Bright Sparks - Messiah 13:37 Tinlicker Feat. 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Conor Maynard - Way Back Home 11:49 Nora Van Elken - Mount Fuji 11:46 Lucy Neville - Shameless 11:39 Oxia - Harmonie 11:36 Blank & Jones - Coastline 11:32 Alan Walker & Gavin James - Tired (Kygo Remix) 11:27 Fous De La Mer - Luces 11:20 Nora En Pure - Oblivion (Extended Mix) 11:14 Mollono.bass, Ava Asante - Feeling Good 11:11 Agatino Romero - I'm Feeling For You 11:05 Beyhude - Rüzgar 11:02 Calvin Harris Feat. Sam Smith - Promises 10:59 Topic Feat. Nico Santos) - Home (Alle Farben Remix) 10:54 Tinlicker Feat. 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Nathan Nicholson - Be Here And Now 09:40 Owen Ear, Stereoteric - Screaming Heart (Original Mix) 09:37 L'imperatrice - Peur Des Filles (Montmartre Remix) 09:33 Dead Composers - Starlight 09:31 Alan Walker X Hans Zimmer - Time (Alan Walker Remix) 09:28 Edx - Ecletric (Mixed) 09:22 Thievery Corporation - The Glass Bead Game 09:19 Loud Luxury Feat. Morgan St. Jean - Aftertaste 09:15 Lstn - Undecided 09:09 Schiller - The Future Iii 09:07 Trinix & Ian Urbina - Bad Things 09:04 Steve Forest, Te Pai - Never Gonna Give You Up 09:00 Ivy - Edge Of The Ocean 08:55 Lyke - Stay With Me 08:48 Atb - No Fate 08:45 Sam Feldt X Lush & Simon Feat. Inna - Fade Away 08:39 Hraach & Armen Miran - Nowhere 08:35 Ashcome - Vitamin Sky (Original Mix) 08:32 Together Alone - Let Go 08:29 Lost Frequencies, Zonderling & Kelvin Jones - Love To Go 08:26 Madison Park, Beechkraft - Parts Of Me (Original Mix) 08:23 Nora Van Elken - Interstellar 08:16 John Kah - Carina (Enui Remix) 08:12 Burak Yeter Feat. Danelle Sandova - Tuesday 08:07 Dreamerproject - Horizons (Glenn Main Remix) 08:02 Kid Massive, Yuji Ono, Dtale - Pray (Wolf Krew Remix) 07:59 Bedouin Soundclash - Brutal Hearts (Flicflac ) 07:54 Christopher Von Deylen - Infinity 07:47 Hraach - After Dark 07:41 Hraach, Armen Miran - Aldebaran (Original) 07:38 Milk & Sugar Feat. John Paul Young - Love Is In The Air 07:33 Lemongrass - Angel Wings 07:28 Sans Souci - Venice 07:24 Sono - Trusting You 07:21 Paco Pedilla - Chariots Of Fire (Glorious Remix) 07:15 Tebra - Suton 07:10 Bolier & Leandro Da Silva - Floripa (Extended) 07:07 Bebo Best & The Super Lounge Orchestr - Come As You Are 07:04 Bernward Koch - Lonely Dream (Solo Piano) 07:01 Tiësto & Karol G - Don't Be Shy 06:57 Mahmut Orhan & Colonel Bagshot - 6 Days 06:53 Fritz Kalkbrenner - Good Things 06:51 George Geccoo Feat. Maik Pinto - Dolce Vita 06:47 Moby - Lie Down In Darkness 06:43 Christopher Von Deylen - Heliotrope 06:36 Lexer & Paji - Red Puddle 06:32 Blank & Jones - High Fly 06:28 Nora En Pure - Enchantment 06:23 In Credo - Siesta Del Sol 06:20 Dj Antoine & Deep Vice - When You Want Some Love (Dj Antoine Vs Mad Mark 2k21 Mix) 06:17 Daniel Portman - Sensual Desires 06:13 Rithma - The Return 06:08 Röyksopp Feat. Susanne Sundfør - If You Want Me 06:04 Pascal Letoublon - Feelings Undercover 06:01 Lenny Ibizarre - The Rain 05:58 Mike Candys & Séb Mont - What's On Your Mind 05:55 Alok Feat. John Martin - Wherever You Go 05:47 Edx - We Can't Give Up 05:44 Kygo With Avicii & Sandro Cavazza - Forever Yours (Tribute) 05:39 Moby - The Sky Is Broken 05:31 Garlington - Falling To Pieces (Extended Mix) 05:24 Blank & Jones - White Light 05:21 Wamdue Project - King Of My Castle 05:19 Luca Schreiner Feat. Johnny Chicago - Its All Gonna Be Good (Junge Junge Edit) 05:12 Valeron - Jamal 05:08 Tania Zygar, Sofia Zlatko, Vijay - Wildest Dreams (Extended Mix) 05:05 Deepend & Graham Candy - Belong (Deepend Edit) 04:59 Anrey - The Forgotten (Extended Mix) 04:54 Jonson - S.c.e.n.e. T.w.o. 04:50 Paul Oakenfold, Bolier, Luis Fonsi - The World Can Wait (Bolier Remix) 04:48 Srtw & Mave Feat. Sønlille - Last Train Home 04:42 Mathieu & Florzinho - Maha - Amba 04:39 Edx - Vommuli 04:35 Sam Feldt - Show Me Love (Original Mix) 04:27 Jan Blomqvist - Empty Floor 04:24 Lika Morgan - Ding Dong 04:21 Starley - Lovers Strangers 04:19 Dj Antoine Feat. Ablai - My Corazon (Dj Antoine Vs Mad Mark 2k21 Mix) 04:14 Mr.da-nos - San Francisco 2k20 04:10 Felix Jaehn Feat. Lost Frequencies & Linying - Eagle Eyes 04:07 Neptune & Moonnight - I Need A New Love (Original Mix) 04:04 Armin Van Buuren Feat. Rbvln - Weight Of The World (Feat. Rbvln) 03:58 Estelle Feat. Kanye West - American Boy (Lost Frequencies Remix) 03:56 Dj Antoine & Flip Capella Feat. Evelyn - Dark Love 03:50 Goldfish - Love Everlasting (Extended Mix) 03:44 Fac15 & Jay C - By The Pool (Jay C's Classic Mix) 03:41 Nora Van Elken - Okinawa 03:37 Nora En Pure - Sphinx 03:33 Joachim Pastor Feat. Nathan Nicholson - Saint Louis 03:28 Anrey - Lost Lands (Extended Mix) 03:24 Blank & Jones With Jan Loechel - Secret Hideaway 03:22 Famba Feat. Brando & Mkla - Games We Play 03:18 Blank & Jones - Alone In This Rhythm 03:15 Klingande & Krishane - Rebel Yell 03:12 Trinix - Soweto 03:08 Schiller & Peter Heppner - Leben... I Feel You 03:03 Boozoo Bajou - Caminoux 02:57 Twocolors - Together 02:51 Shakedown - At Night (Afterlife Remix) 02:47 Fritz Kalkbrenner - Void 02:44 Nora En Pure & Lika Morgan - In The Air Tonight (Sons Of Maria Remix) 02:39 Velvet Lounge Project - In Harmony 02:35 Nora En Pure - Tantrum 02:32 Eelke Kleijn - Midnight Affair (Samaha Slow Edit) 02:25 Chris Zippel Feat. Tusnelda - Blade 02:22 Vamero & Lizot - Bleeding Love 02:19 Armin Van Buuren & Avira - Illusion (Mixed) 02:13 Blank & Jones - Give It To Me 02:10 Klingande, Wrabel - Big Love 02:07 Avaion X Vize X Leony - Pieces 02:03 Depeche Mode - Goodnight Lovers 01:59 Kidsø - Fir 01:57 Buchs Feat. Nokyo - Cheverolet 01:52 Airstream One - Southern Light 01:49 Neptunica & Lunax - We Don't Even Talk Anymore 01:43 Max Denoise Feat Claire Willis - Bring To Me Life (Original Mix) 01:38 Faithless Feat. Nathan Ball & Caleb Femi - I Need Someone 01:34 Klangkarussel & Poppy Baskcomb - This Love 01:28 Moby - A Case For Shame 01:23 Deep Dive Corp. Feat. Dennis Le Gree - Water 01:20 Atb & Topic - Your Love (9pm) 01:15 Soho Lounge Feat. Dea Li - Chiaro Di Luna 01:11 Blank & Jones - Twilight Moon 01:07 Lstn - Sïstër 01:03 Thor - Chamka 00:58 Klangperlenspiel - Million Words 00:54 Schiller - White Nights (Don't Let Me Go) 00:49 Nora En Pure - Diving With Whales (Daniel Portman Radio Mix) 00:46 Yves V X Bashkar - Halfway (Feat. Twan Ray) 00:38 Boris Pillmann - Love You 00:32 Banderas - This Is Your Life (Easy Life Mix) 00:30 Nathan Evans - Wellerman (220 Kid X Billen Ted Remix) 00:25 Schiller Mit Moya Brennan - Falling 00:21 Daniel Portman - Vulnerable 00:19 Nora Van Elken - Heaven Is A Place On Earth 00:14 Billy Sizemore - Together 00:11 Sons Of Maria - Always 00:07 Mike Candys & Jack Holiday - Saltwater (Rework) 00:02 Faro - Dreaming In Orange

#Antenne Vorarlberg Chillout Lounge #Chillout #Lounge #Downtempo #Ambient #Trance #Deep House #2023 #July 2023

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kingdomgracemedia · 1 year

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Share4Christ - There Is More In You. You Are Multi-Faceted.

“Now these are the last words of David. Thus says David the son of Jesse; thus says the man raised up on high, the anointed of the God of Jacob, and the sweet psalmist of Israel” 2 Samuel 23:1, NKJV.

David was not only anointed and called by God to be king. He was not only gifted to lead. David also had a gift for music and was a writer. He did it all for the glory of God. He was multi-faceted. And so are you. God gave him many gifts and talents. And so do you.

You have a high calling, yet just like David, there’s more to you. What other gifts have God put in you to bring Him glory? The gifts and talents that make you leap and come alive when you’re walking in them. You feel young again. They make up you and have always been a part of you too.

God fearfully and wonderfully made you, gifted to create like Him. This is an hour for everything in you, those other gifts that have been on the shelf, to manifest. Those other passions and talents that make you happy. The Lord desires you to receive that you are multi-faceted and not to be afraid to be who you are. You may be called to ministry or business, but you know there’s more to you. There’s more that fulfills you.

Don’t allow those gifts to sit on the sidelines in your life. Put those gifts in the game. It may just be the very thing God uses to create another stream of income. It might just end up being the very thing the Lord’s been wanting you to do all along.

Prayer: Father, I praise You! Thank You for speaking to me. I am multi-faceted. In this hour, may everything in me be used for Your glory. Use it all to bless others and me. Help me not to be afraid to walk in my gifts and talents. It’s my time to be who You’ve made me to be. It’s my time to do what makes me happy. In Jesus Christ majestic name, Amen!

Study: Psalm 139, 1 Timothy 4:14, Ephesians 3:20, Romans 11:29, James 1:17

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vaulttrust · 2 years

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Stump the shepherd

STUMP THE SHEPHERD FULL

STUMP THE SHEPHERD PROFESSIONAL

In addition to the tree services listed above, we also offering lot and land clearing, root flare exposure, cabling and bracing, deep root tree fertilization, insect and disease control, tree surveys and appraisals, plant health care evaluations and more.įor more information, please see our Services page or contact us. Lot Clearing, Root Flare Exposure, and More The lumberjack figurine is portrayed in the act of. It is our goal to suggest services that are necessary and that will benefit the tree’s health and longevity, whenever possible. Lumberjack statue with wood stump, 10 cm nativity Original Shepherd model, in painted Valgardena wood. There is a small fee for the Arborist’s time and expertise. Find Sad Dog Australian Shepherd On Stump stock images in HD and millions of other royalty-free stock photos, illustrations and vectors in the Shutterstock. Our arborists spend as long as needed – usually 30 minutes to an hour – to examine your tree and its environment as well as ask the homeowner about any possible factors. If there is evidence that a tree is sick, such as leaves wilting or turning the wrong color, leaves falling off, leaves that are thin, brittle branches, etc., our ISA certified arborists can identity the problem and prescribe a cure or treatment plan, if possible. All large tree removals that we have performed since 2009 have been done so safely and efficiently. If a tree is too close to a home or other building, crane-assisted removal is available. We have all the expertise and equipment to remove any size tree, large or small. Cost depends on size, age, and accessibility of the stump. Our trained arborists take great care to shreds the unwanted stump into a pile of mulch without damaging your lawn.

STUMP THE SHEPHERD PROFESSIONAL

We can remove any size stump, using professional grade stump grinders that we own and maintain. In other words, we will not leave your tree looking like a stem of broccoli. Trees need to be trimmed according to the natural shape of the tree in order to ensure its health and longevity. He sowed Himself into the stump of fallen earth-into your life and mine-to raise us back up with Him.At Tree Shepherds, our goal is to make the tree look as natural as possible. Have our self-help books and political ideals and technological advancements raised us back up from fallen stumps? Have our words and efforts been a catalyst for redemption? No! Divine incarnation is the only way.Ĭhristian, marvel afresh at the thought that God didn’t sow a brand new world over the ashes of the old. No matter how many prophets, priests, and kings God has sent no matter how many laws and covenants He’s breathed out we’ve perpetually disregarded them. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

STUMP THE SHEPHERD FULL

Adam’s family-tree is full of potential, divinely sown with ingenuity and reason, and created to fill the earth with the knowledge of the glory of God, yet we always fall short. Isaiah ended chapter ten with a grim depiction of God’s judgement-"He will cut down the thickets of the forest with an axe, and Lebanon will fall by the Majestic One”-which effectively sums up the story of man. In the beginning of the game, all the land will be covered by trees that must be chopped using an Ax. There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit. Stumps occur after cutting down trees from the farm.

#Stump the shepherd

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graceandpeacejoanne · 2 years

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Isaiah 11: Righteousness and Peace

Out of the stump of Jesse, the father of King David, against all likelihood, a new David would emerge. #Isaiah11 #StumpofJesse #Millennium #LionandtheLamb

Isaiah’s vision of horror followed the Assyrian army as it marched through Judah. At the end, Isaiah described God swinging a divine ax of unimaginable power through that mighty forest. The majestic cedars of Lebanon fell that day, but also the lofty trees of Judah. Stump of Jesse Imagine looking out over the decimated forest God had hewn. What used to be green, vibrant with life, all the…

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#Isaiah 11 #isaiah 11:1-9 #isaiah 11:6-9 #lion and the lamb #Messiah #Millennium #natsaret #nazarene #Nazareth #netser #Root of Jesse #stump of jesse

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teawiththegods · 8 months

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One of the hardest but most important lessons to learn when it comes to boundaries is that you don’t ever need anyone else’s approval or validation to establish or uphold your boundaries Honestly, in my experience, most people you NEED boundaries with rarely ever understand why. So don’t look to other people to confirm or valid your boundaries. The only validation that matters is yours.

#the majestic life of jess #boundaries #healing journey #healing #self love #self care

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delightfullyterrible · 3 years

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Hey guys!

So a while back an idea entered my head and I wrote a fic on it and decided to post it here...... mind you this is my first ever fic and I'm super nervous about it 😶

Also, shoutout to @khaleesiofalicante for helping me with this ❤

Anyway, hope y'all like it 😄

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MAX’S FIRST BDAY

The doorbell rang, he was finally here. Alec opened the door and saw his parabatai standing on the other side. “What took you so long?” he asked Jace.

“What? I came here as soon as I could. What’s the emergency anyway? The party doesn’t start until later” Jace replied coolly.

“Yes the party doesn’t start until later," Alec said with a little exasperation “but there’s a problem with the cake”. He took Jace to the kitchen and opened the cake box.

“Um, Alec this is- “

“I know.”

“It’s explicit. Inappropriate!”

“I know” Alec sighed “I ordered a Smurfs cake and instead they sent this”. Ever since Max had watched Smurfs with his aunt Clary and uncle Simon, he had become obsessed with all things Smurfs related. So, getting him a Smurfs cake was a no-brainer.

Jace looked thoughtfully at the cake for a moment and then said “You know Magnus could just change this magically, you don’t need my help”.

Alec had considered this option but unfortunately for him, Magnus had gone to Queens to buy some potion ingredients for an important client. "By the time Magnus comes back, the party would have started and everyone will have seen this inappropriate, butt-shaped blue cake," Alec said.

Jace took out his phone and called up Clary. “She says she’ll be here in a few minutes, she’s an artist so she’ll know how to turn this cake around” Jace told Alec who now seemed a little relieved.

A few minutes later, Clary arrived with Simon in tow. “Simon was with me when you called so he tagged along. So there's a cake emergency I hear" she asked no one in particular and walked towards the kitchen so she could examine the cake. Simon followed her. She opened the box lid and peered inside. She looked up at the two men utterly scandalized.

"Wow, that is um… that is some cake I tell you," Simon said with a nervous chuckle.

“I ordered a different cake and the bakery sent this instead. Please just rectify it before everyone arrives” Alec pleaded.

Exactly at that moment, the doorbell rang again and Magnus entered. He was looking particularly majestic today, wearing a blue-green shirt with a peacock feather print on it.

He looked around and greeted them. “Hello angel-blooded ones, the party hasn’t started yet why are you here so early?”. He looked from one to another until his eyes fell on the cake. His eyes widened in horror/amusement.

Alec immediately jumped in. "There was a mix-up at the bakery and they've sent us this. I wanted to call you up but you were busy and I didn't want to disturb you and now we have this inappropriate-looking cake which will probably scar our son for life” he lamented.

Magnus looked pityingly at his adorable boyfriend. “Alexander dear, if something indeed scars our child for life, I assure you it won’t be this cake”.

Alec had an inkling that Magnus was referring to the treatment Max would eventually face in the future for being a warlock. He made a mental note to address it later.

Magnus took the cake out of the box. “Don't worry my darling, I will fix this cake in a jiffy". He rolled up his sleeves, took a knife from the knife stand, and got to work.

A few minutes later, Clary peered over Magnus’s shoulder. “Wow Magnus, you’re surprisingly good at this. Have you done this before?”.

Magnus snorted. “Yes I have biscuit, but it’s an old story involving me, a faerie, and a bunch of horny vampires”.

For some reason, Jace looked sideways at Simon when the horny vampires were mentioned.

Magnus stepped back and pointed at the cake with a flourish. The cake didn't exactly look like a Smurf but it was much, much better than the original. Alec could have wept tears of joy.

******************************

It had been almost an hour since the cake debacle. The living room was full of people. The whole gang was here along with Catarina, Maia, Bat, Lily, and his mother. Robert too had portaled in from Alicante. Jem and Tessa had appeared in projection form 10 minutes ago to wish Max and give him his present, which was a baby superhero cape.

They were currently cutting the cake. Izzy was clapping and hooting loudly, nearly scaring her mother and everyone was singing 'happy birthday’ in a slightly off-key tune. Magnus had picked up Max and was taking him around the room, helping him feed cake pieces to everyone.

Alec took a step back and looked at the room full of people with a warm feeling in his heart. Every person in the room meant a great deal to both Magnus and Alec. If 12-year-old Alec had known that he would grow up and fall in love with a warlock, much less have a family with him, he would have found it unbelievable. But then again, 12-year-old Alec had never dared to dream of having a future for himself. The Clave and its backward mentality had made sure of that.

They were all busy opening the presents and Max was joyfully squealing at the sight of so many gifts. Alec himself had spent days finding a gift for max and finally settled for a blue sailor onesie. Magnus, who always had a thing for giving the best gifts, had gotten Max a set of Smurfs plushies.

He was not as awesome as Magnus in the gift-giving department, but deep down he knew that the best gift he could give his son was acceptance and respect within the shadowhunter community. A kind of future where Max would not be unfairly judged for his demon heritage. That would require changing the Clave from the inside out. And he would do it. One day, Alec Lightwood would change the world for his boys. But that day was not today. Today was a day filled with laughter, joy, cake, presents and most importantly - love.

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tagging a few peeps-

@khaleesiofalicante @readingwonders @josiecarstairs @lxdyblackthorn @youngreckless @lqdyofroses @beclynn-herondale @jesse-is-spiralling

#pix's stuff #malec #lightwood bane family #tmi gang #max lightwood bane #magnus bane #alec lightwood #fluff

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mominousrex · 3 years

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The Jola Moon (A Rexsoka FanFic) - Chapter 6: NOT QUITE ASLEEP

NOTES: ***UPDATED 11/19/2021*** (Some of this chapter was originally posted for REXSOKA WEEK 2021 as a sample/preview of my work so far.)

Grab your tissues...but it's worth it!

Give it some love on AO3

Super shoutout love to: @am-i-beast-or-beauty @chromia7567 @imnewintown00 @catsarefurrypeople @lilrexsoka @saint-tries @elsaanna007 @marionarnold @raven802-blog

If anyone wants to be tagged in chapter updates - send me a message!

Warnings: Trauma suggested, Combat trauma/PTSD, Beloved Character's Death in flashbacks (Jesse Fans Don't kill me!!!) First Kiss, Friends to Lovers

Chapter 6: Not Quite Asleep

Rex's feet hit the floor in an instant. The warmth of the velvet comforter on the bed quickly gave way to the chill and sweat of Rex's body in full combat mode.

Rex couldn't let him get to her. The first priority was establishing her location. Next was getting his DC-17s and helmet. Rex's blasters were in the other room. Seven paces to the door. Sixteen paces down the hallway. Four paces to his blasters and bucket. Rex needed to get to his pistols and find Ahsoka before he did.

Where is she?!

"Jesse?! Jesse, no! Jesse!" He darted and stumbled down the hallway, springing off the wall to propel himself, "JESSE! STOP!"

He located his blasters and went for them, both hands ready and synced. Rex's arms were now raised in different directions to maximize cover.

"Rex?"

Ahsoka had been meditating in the receiving room but was now standing up carefully from her once tranquil crisscrossed sitting position.

Her voice was at his six. He adjusted his aim with both arms clocking to cover the perimeter as he turned.

"Ahsoka! Get back down! He's…you… I'm…."

His heart was racing as he registered that she was in a night...gown? Behind her was the windowed wall's majestic view of Splendor's night sky overlooking the waterfall,

"Rex, look at me."

Rex was confused and disoriented. He knew he had run down some hallway. He knew he was standing up. Ahsoka was there with him, and she was perfectly healthy. It slowly occurred to him that he was just in a strange bed. He was starting to process his emotions and was a bit lost in his misplaced urgency.

"I-I-I don't know what's happening right now." He lowered his blasters down and looked at them like he had no idea why they were in his hands. This exact pair of DC-17s had been the most comfortable thing for him to hold for most of his adult life.

"Okay, Rex. You're… you're safe. You and I are safe. I'll help you get through this, is that okay right now?"

"I-I thought Jesse—" he dropped his blasters as his shoulders surrendered to relax, "I thought he was here…or…we were there," Rex started to look around, "You're okay? I mean, you're awake! Where's the bird?"

"Yes, Rex. I'm alright now. I woke up and you were asleep outside. What, what bird? I don't know what you are talking about."

"The green bird…she knew us…you were…I didn't know what was wrong with you, Ahsoka," his voice became small and ashamed, "Was i dreaming that? No, that was real, wasn't it? I don't know what's happening."

He was starting to crumble from within,

"Ahsoka? Help me."

She stepped to him so fast that Rex felt the breeze of her motion in his chest, and he slightly lost his footing. She reached out to hold him. Her small, powerful hands warmed his upper arms' bare skin-soothing him back to normalcy. She traced her hands down to take his into hers. He felt goosebumps and the hairs of his arms stood straight up. It was both comfort and fear. He wanted to run, and he wanted to stay.

"Let's get you back into bed, okay?"

He nodded in agreement and turned towards the hallway. But he didn't remember being in bed in the first place. He wondered how long he was out. He still had no idea what happened to Ahsoka, or was it Padme, or both? Rex still could not get a handle on where, when, and how he was at the moment.

She casually went to pull her hand away to walk next to him. He clung to it like a scared child, tugging gently. She understood and easily continued to hold his hand as she helped him down the hallway to the bedroom.

With each step, he felt like he was a cloud of nothing as heavy as lead.

And what was he wearing? Oh, that's right.

He was getting his bearings when he confessed,

"I thought Jesse was here in the lodge," he admitted.

"You've been muttering and calling his name in your sleep. You were sound asleep but about an hour ago, you just started having some nightmares," her voice was soft and calming.

"I was?" Rex stopped just before the doorway to the bedroom. Ahsoka sensed an immediate disturbance in his being. The fortress of emotions that Rex had been living in was exhausted by this siege of grief he's endured for too long.

"We're dealing with a lot Rex. Jesse died in the crash. We buried him together. We did what we could. You've been through enough." Rex turned and walked through the doorway. He headed straight for the bed and just stood at the side and stared at it. Ahsoka was a bit worried, and she, too, was still trying to piece together what happened when she woke up to Rex sitting at her feet and sound asleep on the couch outside.

"I still am not sure what happened to me earlier. I think Padme is gone, but there's something else that doesn't feel like she is. Something that's small and hopeful almost? It's different. I can't explain it. I don't know who that was hurting her, but—"

In his frozen state, Rex confessed, "He didn't die in the crash."

Stunned, Ahsoka was sure she didn't hear him right, "What did you say?"

"Jesse. He was alive, barely. When I found him, I mean," Rex was still staring at the bed. The bunched comforter and sheets in a swirl of softness that looked like art to him. He looked up to see Ahsoka's face, and he just started crying out the whole horrible tale.

When he found Jesse's bucket with its distinct marking of the Republic logo, Rex initially ran to him to see if he was still alive. Jesse's lower body wedged between two collapsed walls that had crumbled like paper. Some electrical fire and burst pipes had made the whole scene even more gruesome than expected.

He spared Ahsoka those types of details. She saw the crash site. But then his sobs came out miserably, and his whole body shook. He collapsed to the floor when he recalled the moment he tried to carry his brother to honor him with a soldier's final rest. In a single moment, he felt Jesse's upper body move against his back.

Jesse immediately began trying to wrestle Rex to the ground. Both men tumbling down, it was clear that Jesse was on death's door, or beyond the grave, at this point. Rex shifted shock into action as he tried to help him but realized that Jesse was trying to go for Rex's blasters almost too late. Jesse was crawling his way back towards Rex, a bloody, blue and white mess that could not walk or stand. He continued asking where Ahsoka was, accusing him of being a traitor and commanding him to stand down. Rex reacting to what was happening, was just about to throw himself into defensive mode.

Instead, Rex simply stood up and was horrified as he watched Jesse pitifully try to keep completing this lost mission.

Rex walked over to him without any issue and set the safety on his blasters. He calmly got beside his brother, lowered himself to the ground, and pulled Jesse over in his arms. He had to restrain Jesse's body with his arms crossed in a locked hold that was barely a struggle for Rex to maintain. Jesse was flailing and kicking the one leg that wasn't crushed. He groaned in pain as Rex calmly told him to stand down. When the struggle began to subside and Jesse lost his will to go on, Rex was prepared to accept that Jesse would be gone.

Though he was certainly not prepared for those last few moments before Jesse left him,

"Rex?! What's? Why did I…will you take off my bucket, dammit!" Rex knew that was his brother, the real Jesse, speaking. He quickly took off his own helmet and then Jesse's. Risking the fumes was worth it at this moment.

"Jesse!!! Brother, I'm here. I'm right with you, Jesse. I'm here," he could see the life draining out of Jesse. Rex mindlessly wiped Jesse's tattoo to feel some part of him, "It's it's not your f—" Rex stopped himself. He didn't want Jesse's last moments to be the realization that he had been a pawn in a horrible game, "It's over brother. It's over. You did well."

"NO! Rex, you have to help her! You both have to get...I couldn't... I'm so sorry, brother. I tried."

Then he was gone. Rex held him and kissed that stupid, beautiful bald head before he could feel himself begin to struggle to breathe and had to get his helmet back on.

Ahsoka was stunned and horrified for Rex; she was in tears now herself. Rex was beyond tears coming out by now. Strangely, even sitting with the grief, he felt relieved somehow.

"I'm sorry. I told you that. I didn't want you to know about that, ever."

Ahsoka wiped her tears and was composed enough to reassure him. "Oh no, Rex. Something like that, you can't keep that hidden. You are not some machine. You're a person, a living, breathing being. You can't just move on like none of this happened, and you definitely don't have to do this alone.”

Rex’s usually stoic demeanor was struggling to come through again as he wiped his eyes with his palms and braved this discussion,

"You were already dealing with so much. I sort of do feel better after telling you. I see that I gave him a moment to not be under control of that thing, or die alone."

"Yes, you did. It's going to hurt for a while. And you know I can feel it too,” Ahsoka reminded him.

He nodded. He knew. "That's why I didn't want to think about it or anything this whole time we've been around each other. I didn't want you to have to feel that,” he admitted as he noticed the glistening of her eyes from her tears. Rex registered again how much he loathed seeing her cry, more so being the reason she was crying,

“Argh, this is, there's just so much," Rex was now leaning against the side of the bed, "It's too much to handle, Ahsoka. What? We're just going to sit around here and be miserable. I don't know. Maybe this place was a bad idea. Do you, do you think we should leave?"

"I think we need to rest and decide tomorrow," she looked very convincing. Rex noticed that her lekku tails were looking drained.

Whatever that bird was that came to me when you were, I don't even know what to call it, asleep? Anyway, that bird I saw had something to do with the Force, and it knew things about my life."

"It did? Like what?"

"When I was a little one on Kamino and it seemed to know you. It showed me when you used the Force to get the chip out. You were so brave, you always have been Ahsoka."

You're the brave one, Rex. Yes, the Force is everywhere and in all things, and yes, I am bound to it, whether I'm a Jedi or not. But what you did at that moment? Fighting the effects of the chip, even for those few seconds, so you could tell me to look up what happened to Fives? For you to think of him, your sense of duty and love for your brother, to do the right thing and file a complaint—"

"Knowing no one was going to listen."

"But I did. I listened, Rex," Ahsoka reminded him.

Rex was humbled, "You did."

"I wouldn't have been able to get your chip out if you hadn't been, well, you."

"Ahsoka, I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to do. What I was trained to do and what I believed was right. Now though, I feel like it doesn't mean anything? Everything about my messed up clone life and the whole GAR was just one huge lie?"

Ahsoka challenged him,

"Yes. it was a lie, and we don't have to live it anymore," Ahsoka could sense that Rex was struggling with this new perspective. She had already been experiencing this for the past year after leaving the Order.

"Rex, listen to me," she shifted her body so that she was facing him, "Whoever did this had quite the plan. It must have taken years to design and then execute. A clone army of millions for the defense of the Republic, fighting with Jedi side by side, getting close enough to one day at their command kill all the Jedi. This mastermind expected every clone to be loyal and obedient. Whoever this was thought clone soldiers were either disposable or could be controlled like mindless machines. But, they failed to think of what one could do. One clone proved their whole nefarious plan wrong. You and your brothers are neither controlled nor disposable. There was only one soldier whose loyalty and integrity was more powerful than the most sophisticated genetic programming in the galaxy. There was only one man who was brave enough to challenge that kind of evil, Sith or not, and saved both of us so that we could be sitting here right now.

And there is only one you, Rex," Ahsoka declared.

Suddenly, the Force met her in the blink of an eye. This was nothing unusual. It can come on suddenly and be gone just as quickly. But this energy was very strong, and her fear was non-existent in its presence. She had not tried to make a connection. Unsummoned, the Force initiated this connection with her as its channel. Ahsoka knew from her years of Jedi training that a pure moment of light like this, when the Force filled the entire room, was rare. The moment when a "Force wielder" finds themselves wielded by the Force instead. It was best to trust and let the Force work through her for its unknown purpose. Her blink was completed. Her eyes opened. She welcomed the will of the Force.

Rex noticed none of what was happening inside of her, even right next to him. She knew the Force's presence was permeating all around them. He was still just sitting there with his back leaning against the side of the bed. He was still sitting there, downcast and not knowing what to do with the feeling. His head was hanging down. His one knee was up as if to refuse to admit complete defeat to his nightmares and distress. The muscles of his body were as prominent as the scars that decorated them. The one on his chest over his heart was a reminder of how precious he was to all those who knew him.

She was heartbroken for her dear friend, her trusted Captain. It was so strange not to see him wearing his armor. Just those stupid, comfortable sleep pants that Anakin probably never even wore once. Rex looked so strange and masculine wearing only them. Maybe comfortable was too uncomfortable for Rex. It looked that way. What she could not see, the Force revealed to her. Hidden inside of Rex were very fresh and painful wounds. His pain was longing for some sense of hope. She welcomed the guidance of the Force.

She felt her body begin a subtle turn as it slowly moved her in her seated position on the floor next to him. He lifted his head when he caught a glimpse of her movement out of the corner of his combat-trained eye. It was the heavy stillness in his breath that made her realize the Force was guiding her even closer to Rex. Still, she was not afraid, not confused, not even surprised. She welcomed the peace of the Force.

Before she could comprehend just how sure and calm she was, she found herself leaning in…to kiss him. The stunned but willing look on his face was yielding to her. His weathered, amber eyes were fixed on her mouth. He surrendered and closed his eyes just before she closed hers.

Her lips made a perfect landing. As she felt his lips receive hers and kiss back, a shockwave of warm excitement rippled through her whole body. Especially down below. She did not expect that. Ahsoka had never felt anything like this in her body before. The closest thing involved a crashing ship or escaping an explosion. Yet, here kissing him, she was barely moving, with her lips exploring his. Their mouths still closed, as if they were guarding two wild creatures that would attack upon release. These two veterans of war smoothly moved with their perfect instinctual synchronization that had saved both their lives in battle many times. It certainly is how they survived Order 66 to be here with each other right now…more alive than they had ever been before.

This was a different kind of danger altogether, though.

And that only drove Ahsoka more to pursue.

Her eyes peeked to see Rex's face this close. His eyes were still closed, admitting his sensual focus. Before closing hers again, she briefly found herself fascinated by the strong, manly shape of the bridge of his nose compared to the softness of his lips kissing hers. Her eyes closed again.

Then Rex shifted his weight to sit up and gain the high ground over her. He took hold of the small of her back, with one strong hand squeezing the curve where her waist introduced her hip. He then pulled her closer to him. As her breasts pressed against his bare chest, they were reluctantly shielded by the thin fabric of the slip dress. She did not want this to stop.

As baffled as she was by this physical awakening, she was mesmerized by the fact that the Force was entirely in balance at this moment. It was the first time the Force was clear and free from the sinking darkness and pain that had been plaguing her since those moments on The Tribunal just before Order 66 was executed.

The Jedi temple had trained her to use her Togrutan body and Jedi mind as "a warrior for peace." And yet, no one had ever had a single real conversation with her about any of this radiance that her body could receive and give simultaneously? Warnings, cautionary tales, and mystical lectures about attachment and the dark side are all she knew of this kind of pleasure. This was not dark. It was like a beautiful, slow dawn. The Force was present and powerful at this moment. It had guided her to Rex. Ahsoka's feelings were in harmony with the Force's will. It should have been unsettling how taken aback she was by the soothing of an impassioned kiss. But to be kissing Rex?! This only made the sensation more comforting, allowing the Force to fill her body with peace as it steadily sailed through a storm of newfound arousal.

It was as though she was introduced to a whole new realm of her own body. How could her body have secret passageways unknown to her? How is it that what she was doing with her mouth was waking up everything between her heart and her thighs? Was that also happening to him? She knew that it was. She sensed his excitement which only made hers even wilder.

Then, with some instinct she never knew she had, she breathlessly began to part her lips open around his. Rex quickly pulled away. But his bottom lip lingered just enough to be wetted by both of her longing lips. They softly closed around his lip to punish his self-control. She let his lip escape and longed for both to return to hers. Even this act of detachment felt incredible. It left both of them to softly collapse cheek to cheek in their mutual breathless astonishment of what had just occurred. Rex took the deepest of breaths and let it out as he sat slightly back, but still holding her left waist, his right hand was still and firm in its grip, except for his thumb that was softly tracing her skin under the nightgown. To Ahsoka, this touch was the embodiment of Rex. Strong. Careful. Attentive.

He studied her with a playfully suspicious grin as his left hand made its way up her arm to trace her skin, stopping where he had cleaned her wound earlier in the day. Ahsoka felt her tongue lick her lips as they timidly curled to hide in her mouth, unsure why he pulled away. She brought her fingers to her mouth as though her lips needed to be comforted from a devastating loss. She had had near-death experiences in battle that seemed insignificant compared to the desperate few seconds of waiting for Rex to explain this pleased look on his face and why he just pulled away from something that felt so good.

Rex studied her face. How different it was from his. He had always noticed from afar. It was new to be so near her and be able to closely examine her mystic, exotic beauty that had matured before his eyes over the years.

"Rex, if you don't say something…."

Ever the bold one, Ahsoka's impatience almost disrupted the allure she had over him right now. Almost. He made her wait a little longer. He wanted to get this right. Her insecurity was both adorable and intimidating. Rex was not a complicated man, mostly because he managed to avoid situations like this. Nothing ever this intimate with someone he knew and cared about.

"Ahsoka, I pulled away because I wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy, and this was actually happening."

"Oh," she relaxed. The look on her face revealed that she was a little proud of herself.

"Was…that…okay?," she pressed.

"You know it was." He smiled. "More than just okay, Ahsoka. Much more." His uncomfortable laugh concealed how flattered he felt. Rex never knew if it was his programming or his hidden deviant individuality that could not stand praise and attention. He never had time for it.

Yet here he was with Ahsoka kissing him. Fives would be pissed and proud. The only time Rex had punched one of his 501st brothers in the face. Fives had made the nastiest comment about her young body. He made those comments about every female he encountered.

And yet, it was Fives's sacrifice that was the reason Rex and Ahsoka had a chance to escape. He was getting lost in this wandering thought, staring at her. But the next thing she said would shock him back into attention.

"I think I know it was okay, but... I've never kissed anyone before, Rex. Or, ever…been kissed by anyone."

His eyes widened with disbelief. Then he immediately corrected his response not to gawk and embarrass her. That can't be possible. Maybe he didn't hear her right?

"You're kidding, right? What about that Bontari kid?"

Ahsoka was shocked that the name just came up, "Uhhh…nothing ever happened with me and Lux. I can't believe you remember that." Ahsoka was mortified. The bizarre memory of Lux shoving his face awkwardly on hers in front of the Death Watch was the moment her infatuation with him turned into something complicated and toxic to her.

"He once stunned me and roped me into pretending to be his bride to the Death Watch.

"I'll kill him." Yikes, Ahsoka saw the look on Rex's face. He might be serious.

"Oh come on, Rex."

"I mean it" Rex's fist scheduled an appointment with that little weasel's face.

"That was a long time ago," Ahsoka was sensing Rex's mood, and his protectiveness was flattering. Still, she didn't want to think about Lux anymore.

"That was a mess. Still can't believe you noticed I liked him. Guess it was obvious how foolish I was around him."

"Foolish? Ahsoka, you should never have to wonder if someone has feelings for you. Never. He had to have known you liked him. Are you telling me he never even tried to talk to you about, you know… or kiss you? Anything?"

With an innocent hint of shame, Ahsoka shrugged and shook her head "no" so faintly. Rex only noticed because his eyes could not focus on anything else other than her face.

"That kid was an idiot. Unbelievable." Oops, he said that thought aloud. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that," for a moment, Rex forgot he was the current potential idiot that could hurt her, "You were too good for him. You're definitely way too beautiful for this old clone too."

"Rex, you know I'm actually older than you." Ahsoka reminded him.

"Oh, you know what I mean. And that's not exactly right. I look and feel older. Being a clone does twist up age and all…I don't know what I'm saying. I'm still shocked you kissed me." She shot him a challenging look. He was being self-deprecating, and she would not allow it.

"I mean, the truth is, I've never really been kissed… like that before, now that I think about it." Ugh, that one got out too. Her reaction was a quizzical look with the squint of her eyes. Now he was holding the "explain yourself" card once again.

"I... also don't really have that much experience with this…stuff," Rex had held up better under worse interrogations. Now his truths were simply falling out of him unguarded. It was Ahsoka. Talking to her was easy and familiar, hell, even enjoyable.

Most women, especially the ones he found physically attractive, made him paralyzed. Not with fear though, it was just his discipline and training that instilled a respect for those he worked with that was more important than physical attraction or his "needs as a man." Rex always hated that term his brothers used. "Having needs." It was an excuse to be an asshole. Another person is not a thing that you need.

He had only come to that discovery when he had tried it himself. The few women he had slept with, all strangers really, were so uninteresting to him he could barely remember if it was three or four. He was heavily drunk for all of them. Except for that first one when he was a younger clone, and he really wished he had been drunk for that time.

But now, he successfully concluded that the sex with all three (or four?) of those women certainly did not feel as good as this kiss that he had just experienced...with Ahsoka?! But wait— Rex needed more information from her before he started thinking about anything else... or doing anything else.

"I just can't believe you've never…I mean—- I get that the Jedi were strict, but surely kissing was allow—"

"No." She was definitive.

He was speechless. He needed to process this. No kissing. Which means, wait, what does that mean? How little did Ahsoka know about everything? Rex's mind was trying to keep his body from processing the next few thoughts of what the answer to that question could be.

She caught him off guard, "So you think I'm beautiful? No one's ever said that to me."

She had held on to that and took her shot at the perfect moment. But Rex could return fire with the best of them when caught off guard.

"Of course you are. You've always been. I mean you're definitely not the little skin-n-bones, brat you were when I first met you." he joked.

Ahsoka protested, "Oh, stop it!" as she playfully hit him. It felt so good to laugh with her. To fall into place with her and, yes, feel good. Didn't they deserve to feel good? They could fight off the tragedy and grief of everything in the galaxy with laughter and whatever else to feel good, couldn't they? It was always fun to tease her. Now the thought of making her feel better after teasing her was causing a primal courage to rise in him, and his heart was pounding again.

"Ahsoka, did you want to kiss me again?" He was teasing her. She's going to fall for it. He knows her too well.

As she heard his question, she shape-shifted in response. Before him, she went from a delicate innocent to an aspiring seductress as she let the request fall out her mouth, "Can I?"

"No, not again," he held the sternest face he could muster, amazed he pulled it off.

She looked devastated. Rex had set her up for the perfect rescue.

"I can't let you kiss me again…" he said as he took one last glance at her exotic pout. Then he leaned in perfectly to save the day, "…because it's my turn to kiss you."

Rex kissed her as he slid his hand under her lekku to pull her neck and shoulders toward him gently. He could feel his nerves tremble in his hands and breath a bit, and he threw those nerves into asserting himself as he had only known how to do his whole life as a soldier. Rex may not have had a lot of experience, but he did know what real kissing was. And he wanted to experience that with her. He wanted to let her use him to learn everything she did not know. His lips were greeting hers like a long-lost friend.

Then he opened his mouth, and she dutifully followed his lips' command, opening hers. The same intoxicating energy from the previous kiss was now intensified as the two of them released their tongues to each other. At times strong and intense, at times tender and curious. Their mouths were a wet and fiery arena to battle for who could give and receive the most pleasure, the most bliss. In this battle, there was no loss, no pain, no death—just Rex and Ahsoka.

They were fighting against all the darkness of war and grief to live and fight another day...and the Force was with them.

Next Chapter

CHAPTER 7: Not Quite Awake

btw…ALL UPDATED chapters are pinned to my tumblr

or click here to read on AO3

#rexsoka #rexsoka week 2021 #thejolamoon #first kiss #ahsoka tano #captain rex #long reads #really long post #the clone wars #order 66 #arc trooper jesse painful redemption #made myself cry #rex needs a hug #ahsoka and rex #ahsoka needs a hug

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jmreyes9 · 1 year

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“SMELLING THE ROSES” IN THE ROSE GARDEN OF PORTLAND, OREGON

By Jesse Reyes

Several of us members of the Hinsdale Fil-Am Church flew to Portland, Oregon, “The City of Roses” as I learned later, to attend the wedding of our Associate/Youth Pastor David Kokiong, many of us wedding sponsors. We came three days before the wedding with the intent of doing some sightseeing in this city which I had never visited before.

On the day we arrived in Portland and after checking in at our hotel, six of us (two couples, the second couples daughter and myself) decided to take the streetcar (cable car) for seeing downtown Portland.

At about lunchtime, we alit from the streetcar and walked on the street along the Pearl District (unfortunately we weren’t able to find any pearls on the road!). We decided to eat at a Vietnamese Restaurant where I ordered and enjoyed a chicken pho dish. The weather was a little cool, so the soupy dish warmed me up.

We had heard from someone earlier that Portland was noted for being weird—we observed many people with weird hairdos and weird attire with rings and trinkets worn in different parts of their body. At the restaurant we ate in, the lady in the counter who also turned out to be one of the waitresses, had her hair dyed-green and she had a ring in her nose. When we asked her if it was true that Portland is known for its weirdness, she replied, “We try to be as weird as possible.”

We waxed adventurous on this first day in this lovely city and we took the air tram, a cable car that took us to higher ground where we had a bird’s eye view of the city and its many bridges over the Williamette River that bisects the city and a view of the snow-capped peak of Mt. Hood (it had an orange hue due to the sun shining on it) from a distance). We also were privileged to have a stunning view of the Portland skyline.

The following day, we had planned to visit a famous waterfalls just outside of Portland. However, the forest nearby got burned and since they were afraid that some trees might fall on people, they closed the area for public viewing.

Instead, we decided to go to the Japanese Garden. It was a majestic place which we greatly enjoyed, especially since this was autumn and the leaves of some trees had changed to various hues. There was a small waterfall which was a great spot to take pictures and we readily availed ourselves of it.

After our visit to the Japanese Garden, we walked across the street into the Rose Garden where thousands of roses of different varieties and colors were displayed. The Portlanders take pride in the beauty of the Rose Garden and they take good care of the garden.

At the Rose Garden, I literally “smelled the roses”, at least a few of them. I did this because when I was still actively practicing radiology, I hardly had time to “smell the roses”, an idiomatic expression, one of the meanings being “taking time to enjoy the little things, or even bigger things, in life.”

“Living a positive life gives you better quality to your life. Life is short! Reach out and grab it while you have it! Embrace all those little daily things! Take time to smell the roses. Don't rush through life. Live one day at a time. Stop worrying so much, since it gets you no where. Accept what will be! Let go of all those things that weigh you down! Live, Love and Laugh.” Author unknown.

Some people also told us not to leave Portland without tasting their voodoo doughnuts. We did try to buy the recommended doughnuts. However, when we went to the shop to get them, the line was so long, that if we had stayed in line, we would probably have been late for the wedding. And we didn’t want that to happen, since the wedding was the main reason we travelled to Portland.

The beauty of the city of Portland reminds me of another beautiful city mentioned in the Bible: "Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever." Rev. 22:1-5.

Written on 11/16/17 at Whole Foods (one of my offices away from home!) in suburban Chicago, IL.Puvlished in Cyberlink by Romi Talento, Nov. 2017. Posted in FB 2017 with a different title “Of Roses & Voodoo Doughnuts in Portland, OR.”.

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gallavictorious · 3 years

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I was tagged by the always clever and darling @damngcoffee (and I totally would have tagged you, Jess, if you hadn’t tagged me first! 😉)

name: Kee

single or taken: I have a partner, but she’s my queer platonic life partner, not my kissing romance partner, and I’m not currently dating anyone so single I guess?

crushing: Sadly no. :( I LOVE having a crush! The giddy high of it...

height: 172 cm. No, I don’t know what that is in feet, and I’m not googling it.

favorite color: Purple and petrol, but to be honest I’m moving away from favourite color to favourite colour combinations and there. are. so. many. of. them.

best friend: My partner is my bestest best friend, but I’m gonna go ahead and steal @howlinchickhowl‘s assertion that best friend is more of a tier than a person, and if so, there’s a handful of people I think of as my best friends.

ever wanna get married: Having a wedding would be fun - I love throwing parties - but I’m not very interested in being married. My partner and I discussed it, for practical reasons, but nah.

want kids: Absolutely not. I like kids a lot, but I do not want to raise one.

thai zodiac sign: Cancer. Don’t vibe with it. But astrology is bull so I guess it doesn’t matter?

last drink: Earl Gray Top Majestic.

goth, emo or both: Neither.

glasses: As I’m a fan of not being blind, yes.

makeup: Sure. Usually just your basic stuff, though. But like Jess, I love perfumes!

cat or dog: CATS! No offense to dogs, splendid creatures I’m sure, some of my best friends are dogs, but CATS is one of my top five joys in life, so.

evil or good: Evil characters, yes. Food, I prefer it good.

favorite sport: Eh. I usually watch the big football championships? (Soccer, you heathens. Not American football.) I am a huge fan of rugby in theory because what little I’ve seen of it seems absolutely ridiculous. The ice dance part of ice skating can be fun. I have this vague notion that I would like to try basketball? I don’t know, you guys. I’m not a sporty animal. I like fun stuff, like reading and mixing cocktails.

favorite animal: CATS!

weird: Yeah.

weird fact: Had a minor Star Wars comic book character named after me. It was an EU comic and is no longer canon, which is but one of many, many reasons why I dream of becoming an insanely popular author solely so I can refuse selling the movie rights to Disney.

do you have haters: I’m sure I rub some people the wrong way, but if so they’re politely keeping it to themselves, as reasonable people are wont to do.

funny or nah: I am very funny, actually. Maybe primarily to myself but I have excellent taste in humor, soooo...

apple or samsung: Private phone is a Samsung, and have been for the latest four, but I use an Iphone for work. Well. Avoid to use it mostly.

smart: Yeah. I mean, also dumb as a brick at times, but. That’s being human for ya.

As per usual these days I haven’t kept up with stuff, so apologies for any double tags. As always, no pressure, et cetera. @yeah-all-of-it @sickness-health-all-that-shit @iwannabewhereyouaremickey @ianandmickeygallavich @tear-soaked-cheeksdonteverlast

#tag games #personal

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supernatural-freek · 4 years

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Knife To My Throat

Dean x Sister!Reader, Sam x Sister!Reader

Synopsis: Hello! I have a very angsty request!!! Winchesters x sister!reader. The reader is the boy's half sibling and always seems to be forgotten. She goes through memories of them forgetting about her for early years to present. [Never picked up from school, left behind on a hunt, having to clean up after them,stuck with research,chores,ect.] It makes her snap when she was put in a life threatening situation[kidnapped for a couple of months] and they didn't even notice she was not in the bunker.

NOTE: This is a lot sadder than I thought it would be, I’m so sorry. I’m also sorry if this wasn’t quite what you were looking for but once I started I couldn’t stop and- I mess around with the ages too, so don't worry about the canon ages.

There is a trigger warning for this one. It’s not the happiest of one shots.

REQUESTED

MASTERLIST

Your life passes in snapshots.

You’re 12, the product of something between your mom and a man whose two sons stare at you with blatant resentment. You’ve slandered something, soiled someone’s image or reputation. They’ve come to your school, you see, and they know who you are. They don’t take you with them when they leave, and you’re not sad to see them go.

When you tell your mom that the Winchester boys can’t possibly be your brothers, she laughs sadly until she starts crying and holds you tightly throughout the night.

She dies when you’re 14, two years after Sam and Dean had taken one look at you and decided that didn’t want you. Someone contacts John, and you hear the Impala before you see it. It’s a majestic beast, big and proud and growling. You desperately want to touch it.

John does’t let you stay for the funeral. He’s not being cruel, he’s just gotta get back to something. You sit in the back with Sam while Dean sits in the front with John.

“I don’t really hate you,” Sam whispers, sneaking you a lolly. You take it shyly. Sam smiles. “I’m Sam.”

“I know,” you say, and his smile grows instead of wavering, and you know that things won’t be too bad if Sam’s around.

Sam leaves when you’re 16, a teenage girl who’s prone to flinching at sudden movements but can stand next to a firing gun and have a spine of steel. Sam storms out the front door in a flurry of anger and deadly hate. John shouts something about not coming back, and Sam shouts back that he doesn’t care, and then the door slams.

He doesn’t say goodbye.

Dean comes to your bed that night, wordlessly asking for comfort. You roll over and let him lie next to you before you’re cuddling in to his side and crying as silently as you can. Dean’s body shakes, but the darkness hides if he’s got tears too. You fall asleep like that, and when you wake up, Dean’s already moving around the room and there’s no way to tell if last night had been real.

When you, Dean and John pile into the Impala, you think that it’s awful lonely in the backseat.

You miss your brother.

You’re almost 18 when you and John have your first real fight. You’ve argued before, fuck knows John can’t be around another living thing without arguing with it, but this time there’s a slap from you and a threat from him and Dean has to step in the middle.

He picks John over you.

You can’t say it doesn’t hurt, but it’s expected. You stare at them, so alike in their feelings and their actions and their pain, and you scoff and shake your head and say, “I hate this family.”

“You aren’t hunting, Y/N, and that’s final!”

“And why not?” You shout back, and Dean groans because here you both go again. It’s the same argument you’ve just finished, but the anger is still rippling under your skin so you don’t walk away. “Am I just some glorified nurse? Here to clean up the messes?”

“You weren’t supposed to be my responsibility,” John seethes. He’s said it before. It doesn’t really hurt much anymore. “I’ve already lost Sam because of this life. I won’t lose you too.”

You give up fighting. It’s too tiring. You can’t be bothered.

When you’re 19, Dean comes back half-dead and without John.

You keep calm and stitch him back together again, going through too much alcohol and too many strips of cloth. You run out of dental floss for stitches, but you make fucking do, because if Dean dies on your watch, you may as well die too.

He’s not coherent the whole time he’s with you, mumbling about ghouls and blood and John, but you can’t spare a second to worry about John now, not if you want Dean to live. You manhandle him, pretending that he’s just drunk and not concussed and bleeding out.

“Fuck you,” you hiss at him as you cover him with the sheets on the bed, sitting by his side as he sinks into a troubled sleep. “You problematic fuck.”

John doesn’t come back until three days later. He’s not horribly injured, but the claw mark on his chest has smeared blood all over his front and he looks like death incarnate. He sees Dean, still unconscious on the bed, and grunts, settling into the seat at the table and closing his eyes.

“Fucking ghoul,” he sighs, and then you’re attacking him with whatever medical supplies you have left.

Dean wakes up the next day, takes the keys, and drives you and John far away from that little town. You never tell him that you left your story book on the bedside table.

It had been the last thing you’d had of your mothers.

You’re 22 when Sam truly settles back into hunting.

You know he misses Jess, know that he’s got too much weight on his shoulders, know that he wants to find Dad just so he can go back to pretending he doesn’t miss his old life. But he settles into it after a while, sitting in the front seat with Dean.

It’s still lonely in the back.

You’re 23 when John dies.

Dean and Sam are without injuries. You have a broken arm that doesn’t get properly treated before you’re leaving the hospital in the dust, the taste of ash still on your tongues.

Everything goes to shit when you’re 24. There’s something about Sam, him being a Chosen One, and Dean says that John had wanted him to kill your brother, and it’s all so confusing. You know about the visions, and you trust the visions, but then Sam and the other kids like him are mutating into something else and you’re afraid.

You know it’s the Demon, good old Yellow-Eyes, but you don’t matter to him. You don’t matter to anybody. Bobby sees you sometimes, but that’s because Bobby is an old soul in an old body and knows what it is to be in the background.

Ellen sees you too, but only because you remind her of Jo. “Don’t let them boys walk all over you,” Ellen tells you one day, when you’re sitting at the counter at the Roadhouse after the boys had taken off on one of their adventures without remembering you. “Honey, you aren’t a doormat.”

“I’m not much of anything,” you tell her and then you finish your beer and motion for another.

You’re 25 when Sam dies and Dean sells his soul and leaves you with two brothers who are forever tainted with the cold tang of death.

Dean shoots the Demon.

You’re 25 when you look at schooling options for adults.

The Hellhounds come for Dean sometime after you turn 26, and you have nightmares about Sam’s cries and Dean’s blood until you have to start taking extreme measures, like pills and alcohol and concussions.

You and Sam crash at Bobby’s house once, and you sleep easier than you have since your brother went to Hell.

When you wake up, Sam is gone and he doesn’t come back. Bobby looks at you with pitiful eyes, but you keep your head down and make yourself a list of permanent chores to do just so you have a purpose and won’t have to kill yourself.

Dean comes back while you’re still 26. You’ve given up on schooling, which is good, because Dean wants to look for Sam, and you have to scramble to get in the back seat of the Impala before he takes off with a squeal of the tires.

Bobby sits in the front. It’s not any less lonely in the back. You seem to care less now, and you wonder if it’s because the nightmares have sucked out your soul and no you’re just hollow and beaten and sad, and you don’t care anymore that your brothers don’t really care about you.

Sam causes the Apocalypse. You’re turning 28 the next day.

You meet Cas when you’re 28, but you aren’t important so he doesn’t see you. The angels don’t see you, your brothers don’t see you, and Bobby loses sight of you somewhere along the way. You slip through the cracks.

You go on a hunt on your own and it goes fine.

You’re disappointed that you don’t die.

You’re 29 when Sam jumps in the Pit with Lucifer and Michael. Cas isn’t God, and you aren’t important enough for anybody to take as leverage. Zachariah had taken Adam and Sam, but he hadn’t taken you and that should tell you to quit while you’re ahead, but you’ve already decided you’re a lot cause with school and there’s nowhere else for you to go.

Dean goes to Lisa and Ben. Cas disappears. You float around and you pretend you have purpose. You think your name becomes a legend amongst the hunters. Something about you being a ghost, here one moment and gone the next.

You’re too cold to cry, really.

You’re 30 when you attempt to kill yourself and fail.

Nobody comes to get you until you’re 32. Sam loses and gains his soul in that time. There’s someone named Samuel. There’s Alpha monsters and Death and walls in minds that shatter far too easily, and then Cas is the new God, but he’s sick.

You run into the boys on a hunt. Dean says your name with the reverence of someone who has seen God and laughed. He talks to you, and it’s nice, and then he tells you about Leviathans and Cas and your heart breaks and you crawl into the back seat of the Impala and stare out the window.

Hunters still talk about the Ghost.

Dean doesn’t know that it’s you.

You’re 33 when Dean and Cas go to Purgatory, and you’re 34 when Dean comes back.

You’re 33 when Cas comes back, too.

You’re 35 when Metatron casts the angels out of Heaven and Sam fails the Trials. It’s a mess, but there’s Kevin and the Bunker, and the angels falling look like dying stars and it’s oddly beautiful.

Kevin likes you. It’s strange because Kevin doesn’t really like anybody else. You think that its nice to be seen, but then there’s Crowley and demons and your brothers are important again and you quietly make enough food that nobody stares and clean up afterwards.

Your room stays bare. Nobody comments. You don’t think Sam or Dean could point out which room you claimed as your own anyway.

You’re 37 when Dean gets the Mark of Cain. It’s scary and it makes him into something harsher and more unstable. You try and keep quiet around him, because he seems almost hyper-aware of you now and he keeps eyeing you.

You make food and you do beer runs because that’s the role that they accept, and that’s the role you know. Charlie braids your hair once. It feels like something a sibling would do.

The Darkness brings Mary back when you’re 38.

Mary looks at you once, understands who you are and what you represent, and then she turns to her boys and smiles. You are 39 years old in a world that doesn’t want you, and you’re invisible to everybody in the damn room.

You can’t harbour any anger for Mary though.

You’re just so unbearably tired.

You’re on the cusp of turning 39 when someone steals you off the road when you’re waiting for the boys to come out from questioning a witness. You don’t know who they are, but you know they want information on your brothers, they want someone to experiment with.

They want a hunter.

They want the Ghost.

Torture becomes old soon enough, so they play mind games. It takes them a while to adapt to your apathy though, but once they understand that forcing you to imagine your brothers being nice hurts more than making you think they hated you, things get going.

You don’t talk. But you hurt.

You hurt, you hurt, you hurt.

You’re 39 when you make your escape, killing everybody there and returning to the Bunker covered in blood and wounds and you are afraid.

“What the fuck,” Dean says in a tight voice as you stumble down the stairs. Cas is already charging towards you, a glowing hand held out. You flinch away. but he’s persistent, and your wounds close slowly. “Y/N?”

Sam stares at you with wide eyes. You stare back without saying anything. Cas gently brushes his hand over your shoulder. You croak miserably and he pulls away.

“Where were you?” Dean asks.

(You’re 39 when you realise that nobody had noticed you were gone.)

You turn away, intent on going back to your plain little room, but someone holds your arm and you can’t take the touch. “Stop,” you beg and whoever is holding you lets you go.

“What-” Sam gets cut off by the guttural wail that rips from your throat.

“I was gone for months!” You seethe, voice cracking and rasping. You are 39 and you are breaking, breaking, breaking. “You didn’t come for me, you’ve never come for me.”

The Ghost, the Ghost, the Ghost.

“I am nothing and I am nobody, but I should have been somebody and you took that from me and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”

Cas reaches for you again. “Let me ease your troubles,” he says and fingers touch your forehead and nothing happens. “You are in too much pain.” he murmurs. “I am sorry.”

“So am I,” you whisper, and then you turn away from your brothers and you go to your plain little room.

You are 39 and half-Winchester when you press a gun to your temple and pull the fucking trigger.

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