#the diaries of an ex mormon
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what does having faith mean in a decentralized religion?
i was raised in a very high demand form of christianity. i had to relearn what 'having faith' even means.
i was raised to believe that having faith meant having blind obedience. kneeling, bowing, scraping, bending my head to a god who, at the end of the day, didn't know me. I was miserable. i obeyed my elders, i believed in their morality, i absorbed their stories and did my best to apply them to my life, and i was an anxious terrified mess of a child with a stick so far up my ass i could taste it in the back of my tongue. i was so scared of screwing up and ending up outcasted into outer darkness that i would have given the christian god everything i had in me.
never mind that my very skin was literally a curse, according to my church. never mind that my heart was capable of love they could never understand. never mind that i couldn't be daughter and wife and mother.
...until i couldn't ignore it any more. i looked the god of my youth and told him to his face that i deserved better than him. i could be more than what he planned for me.
when i left my church, i had to rebuild the ruins of myself from scratch. i had to dig down deep and ask myself what i wanted out of life. who was i without the church?
turns out, i'm a guy that talks to the moon when he can't sleep. turns out, i dream of devils and gods and lightning in the dark. turns out, i can search deep in my history and find gods lurking there.
i invited the gods to sit at the table of my life. i share my stories with them and they share theirs with me. my offerings are given like meals between friends. they proved themselves to me a long time ago, in dreams and in the world, but i think even without that i am a better person for being a pagan. understanding loki especially has made me braver, kinder, and so much more determined to chase what i want in life. i am so much more willing to embrace change (it's still not easy for me, but i put in the work)! would it be the same for you?
there's such a huge emphasis on having the gods prove themselves in pagan circles, and i get it! i did the work to do that too! but maybe the more important question is who are you with them in your life?
who do you want them to be to you?
for me, doubt was never a question of 'is god real' or 'is there a higher power?' i would pose a more relevant question: what would it mean for you if the gods weren't real? or wasn't there?
would you still feel like including them in your life was worth the time and effort and faith? who are you with them? who are you without them?
even if it turned out that none of it was real, even if there's nothing in death but darkness, i would still think it was worth it. i am better for having faith in my life. i can stand in the middle of a storm and call it by its name. i sit in the middle of a crowd of my friends and swap stories with the people i love and gods, those moments are holy.
Religion, spirituality, having faith, it's all living poetry and you are the subject. what themes are you going to explore?
#myth loki#loki#lokean#norse#pagan#heathen#heathenry#norse polytheism#the diaries of an ex mormon#kind speaks#i originally wrote this as the answer to someone else's post#about battling doubt#and as much as i was inspired to write this#i realized i wasn't answering the original question#and probably derailing the conversation#so! new post!#fuck...i almost never shout into the void#but i guess i needed to get this off my chest#... i didn't realize i had so much to say#hmm#it's 2am on a friday night and i'm waxing poetic about gods and men#that's pretty on brand for me tbh
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Still so wild to me that I was raised with no religion whatsoever, but every time I listen to like. ex-fundies, I'm shocked by how much I resonate and how much of the principles I was still brought up with
#when i read educated by tara westover - who grew up with very sheltered mormons - i flat out cried a few times#same principles.. i think it's just more prominent in those kinds of spaces but it just strikes me as odd#hoatm rants#literally watching a video rn from a channel called ex-fundie diaries and. it's just strange you know
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Let’s face it in life. Your looks can really get you far ahead and in a case of this young woman, although she had many mental problems, she really did get ahead, although she suffered, and many people fooled her looks beauty can literally get you away with murder. So Jodie Arias was something of a character. She is a cancer son and Travis Alexander was a Leo son,,m I see mini pie TikTok and on Pinterest of glorifying this woman just because of how beautiful she is. The funny thing is is it when she went to court and was on trial she died her hair brown and put glasses on and became more mousey, Jodie wrote in her diary that she was thankful for her body, she was very sex obsessed, what does make me angry Travis say rest in peace, is the fact that he had other girlfriends as well as Jodie who he would say that he’d make his wife, but he wouldn’t make Jodie his wife. He just saw her as as a shag to fuck in every orifice which is pretty thick really if you think about it, but as a Mormon, I think you’re allowed mode, multiple wives and in the Mormon society because he was older, he was so his frown upon by some of the people in the community because he was about 30, and he wasn’t married or and had no children. He wasn’t a bit of a player, but so is Jodie Jodie play tricks on him too, and she would join people as well from the other other of the mormon community. Many of her exes felt away about her. I definitely feel she had very narcissistic traits but also very psychopathic traits and borderline traits.
I think Jodie was very popular before she went to prison, and all the nasty stuff that happened friends were very keen on her jealousness obsessiveness and neediness and her ruling over life. It’s sad that the white female shit can get away with murder rest in peace to anyone who’s had this happen rest in peace to anyone who doesn’t feel attractive remember that you are, and you don’t have to look like this, even though society may make you feel that way.
#jodi arias#mormon#beauty#beauty in darkness#darkness#astro community#astro placements#astro observations
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I've have the fortune of never having to read a Beatrice Sparks book, but I still very much appreciate getting a reminder of how awful she is. (The book you mentioned is going on my to-read pile). I wonder if gen Z kids have any awareness of her whole deal, or if Go Ask Alice has been consigned to history.
That's a really good question! I read Go Ask Alice when I was around 12 or so and had been given lots of Barnes & Nobel gift cards for my bat mitzvah. I'd heard it was about a girl who did drugs and died, and that there was controversy over whether it was true or not. I read it, and it didn't make a huge impression on me other than "Well, that was sad." I was pretty clueless about drugs, not being cool enough to get invited to any interesting parties, so it seemed plausible enough.
I don't know if Barnes & Nobel still sells Go Ask Alice, but I doubt they have the balls to sell Jay's Journal.
For those, Gen Z or otherwise, who don't know, Go Ask Alice was supposedly the true diary of a girl who, well, did drugs and died. Jay's Journal was supposedly the true diary of a boy who got into the occult and then died. Both, and other such books, were in fact written by Beatrice Sparks, a freelance writer and certified liar. (Also a Mormon, which I mention only because I've heard ex-Mormons say you can tell it from the language used in Go Ask Alice.) Alice was bullshit written at the height of panic about weed and LSD (for the record, both can be bad for you if you already have mental illnesses, but don't cause them on their own,) and it was pitched to a celebrity whose daughter's suicide may or may not have occurred under the influence.
That's bad and exploitative enough, but Jay's Journal was an act of monstrous cruelty. Sparks took the diary of a real kid who committed suicide, which was sparse but detailed depression, drugs, religious oppression, heartbreak, and intervention by parents that we would today call abuse. Based on him being vaguely into hippie mysticism and having once used a ouija board, she slandered him as an animal-sacrificing satanist who had been possessed by a devil, and his girlfriend as the same. This was a journal that had been sent to him by the boy's mother, who believed in Go Ask Alice and thought that getting the word out about teen depression was important.
A lot of lies get spread around today about teens in danger, often by other teens on places like TikTok, but in the age of google, it is at least a lot easier to look things up if they sound implausible (whether or not people actually do so.) I have no idea what they're teaching kids these days about drugs, especially in states where weed is legal; I was taught that all drugs were super addictive, until I reached my senior year and a health teacher admitted not all of them were. I imagine it varies wildly. I don't know if any conservative schools out there use Go Ask Alice as required reading, but it's possible.
(Hilariously, Go Ask Alice is also one of the most banned and challenged books in high school libraries because there's lots of implausible sex in it.)
So, to kids and parents and teachers, I guess the lesson here is to verify things where you can. If you see a viral post that sounds outlandish, check for it on Snopes. If people are scared that teens are levitating pencils with their minds due to the powers of the devil, ask why those kids haven't gotten a million dollars from James Randi. Google an author's name if something feels off. Because sometimes outlandish stuff turns out to be true, but sometimes people have a lot to gain by lying.
(And read Unmask Alice by Rick Emerson.)
I'll let Paul F. Thompkins and Danny Lavery have the final words:
youtube
The Stages of Accepting That Go Ask Alice Wasn’t Real
Lines From Go Ask Alice That, In Hindsight, Should Have Tipped Me Off That This Was Not A True Story
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Dear Diary,
Three ex-mormons walk into a gay bar...
That's the start of a joke, right?
#I can't believe we are all neurodivergent genderwierd ex-mormons and we are are the only three people at this gay bar!#Like. There's gotta be a punchline in there somewhere!#i'm gay as in happy and queer as in fu queue#are queue laughing now?#gay#trans#lgbt#actually neurodivergent#genderqueer#nonbinary#ex mormon#exmormon
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NEW ABC NEWS STUDIOS DOCU-SERIES ‘NEVER LET HIM GO’ UNEARTHS A HAUNTING TALE OF ANTI-GAY VIOLENCE AND ONE BROTHER’S DECADES-LONG QUEST FOR JUSTICE
Four-Part True-Crime Series Features Real-Time, Crime-Solving Breakthrough, First-Ever Interview With Killer’s Ex-Wife and Key Investigators, Plus Never-Before-Seen Surveillance Footage and Case Evidence
‘Never Let Him Go’ Begins Streaming on Wednesday, Sept. 6, Only on Hulu
When authorities found Scott Johnson’s body at the rocky base of a cliff in Australia in 1988, they declared his death a suicide. The gay American mathematician’s tragic demise and the murky circumstances surrounding it set his older brother Steve Johnson’s decades-long pursuit for answers in motion. “Never Let Him Go,” a new docu-seriesfrom ABC News Studios, paints an intimate portrait of Scott’s life and untimely death through never-before-seen evidence from the investigation, personal home videos and rare archival footage from 1980s’ Sydney. As Steve’s probe gained international attention, it sparked a public reckoning in Australia, shedding new light on a pattern of violence against the LGBTQ+ community.
While the series was in production, the filmmakers captured a breakthrough in real-time: 35 years after Scott’s death, his killer confessed and was sentenced in June of this year in the New South Wales Supreme Court. The series features an interview with Helen White, the confessed killer’s ex-wife, who breaks her silence for the first time after tipping off the police. The docu-series also features exclusive in-depth interviews with Steve and his family and first-ever interviews with key law enforcement officials who worked on the case. Over four episodes, “Never Let Him Go” traces the intense journey to cracking Scott’s case. With dozens of similar unsolved cases involving gay men in Australia, Steve has been left to decide if his search for justice was complete — or if it had just begun. “Never Let Him Go” begins streaming on Wednesday, Sept. 6, only on Hulu.
“Never Let Him Go” is produced by Show of Force and Blackfella Films for ABC News Studios. Jeff Dupre and Maro Chermayeff are executive producers, and Saralena Weinfield is series producer for Show of Force. Darren Dale and Jacob Hickey are executive producers for Blackfella Films. “Never Let Him Go” is directed by Jeff Dupre and Jacob Hickey. David Sloan is senior executive producer, and Beth Hoppe is executive producer for ABC News Studios. ABC News Studios is led by Mike Kelley, and Reena Mehta is the SVP of Streaming and Digital Content.
About ABC News Studios
ABC News Studios, inspired by ABC News’ trusted reporting, is a premium news and documentary original production house and commissioning partner of series and specials. ABC News Studios champions untold and authentic stories driving the cultural zeitgeist spanning true-crime, investigations, pop culture and news-adjacent stories. ABC News Studios’ original titles include critically acclaimed documentaries “Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields,” “The Lady Bird Diaries,” and “Aftershock” docu-series, including “Killing County,” “Wild Crime,” “Mormon No More,” “The Randall Scandal: Love, Loathing, and Vanderpump,” “Jelly Roll: Save Me” and “Betrayal: The Perfect Husband.”
About Show of Force
Founded in 2006 by Jeff Dupre and Maro Chermayeff, Show of Force is known for creating award-winning feature documentaries and television series. Their 2022 HBO series “Hostages” was recently nominated for three Emmy Awards, for Outstanding Historical Documentary, Writing and Research. Prior work includes “Atlanta’s Missing and Murdered,” which won the 2020 IDA Award for Best Multi-part Documentary; the Emmy and Grammy-nominated series “Soundbreaking,” created in partnership with Beatles producer Sir George Martin; “Marina Abramović: The Artist is Present,” which garnered a Peabody Award, an Emmy Award and the Audience Award at the 2012 Berlin Film Festival; and “Kehinde Wiley: An Economy of Grace,” which won the 2014 SXSW Jury Prize and was shortlisted for an Academy Award nomination.
About Blackfella Films
For over twenty years leading Australian production company Blackfella Films has created distinctive Australian content for global audiences. International awards include the BANFF International Rockie Award for Best Docu-series, MIPCOM Diversify TV’s Excellence Award for Representation of Race and Ethnicity (Scripted) and multiple New York Festivals Television & Film Gold Awards. Productions have sold to Netflix, Sundance TV/AMC, Acorn and the BBC. Unscripted credits include the changemaking “The Australian Wars” (aka “First Wars”) and “Deep Water: The Real Story” which exposed a gay hate crime epidemic. Scripted content includes “Total Control,” which premiered at TIFF, and the groundbreaking “Redfern Now.”
*COPYRIGHT ©2023 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All photography is copyrighted material and is for editorial use only. Images are not to be archived, altered, duplicated, resold, retransmitted or used for any other purposes without written permission of ABC News. Images are distributed to the press in order to publicize current programming. Any other usage must be licensed.
-- ABC --
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Diary Comics: a perfect day
Tw for sin, scrupulousity, doctrine of original sin, shame, slight bullying, and spiral-ish thoughts in the last panel
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[Image Description: A comic with an intense mustard yellow background, with a gradient of clouds going from orange to red. In the first panel, there is a larger woman, presumably a teacher, wearing a simple shirt, skirt, angel wings, and a tinsel halo headband. She is standing in front of a group of children who are facing her, all of whom have similar wing harnesses and tinsel halos.
The teacher, bending over with her hands behind her back: “We all sin every day; how have you sinned today?”
The panel focuses on a bored looking child with long hair, sitting with their head propped on their hand, and with their knees drawn up near them.
The thought bubble near them says: “Hmm... I’ve only been awake for two hours... I didn’t even complain once, I didn’t disobey, I didn’t lie... hmmm..”
In the next panel, the child seems to realize something and lifts their head up.
There are little stars are drawn in their pupils, their mouth is open in surprise, and there are little surprise marks by their head. The thought bubble by them says: “I didn’t sin! I succeeded! I was finally perfect for the day!”
The next panel is split into three portions, but depicts a conversation between the teacher, who has bent down, and the child.
The teacher, smiling: “What about you?”
The child, starstruck and stimming in excitement by shaking their hands close to their face: “I didn’t sin once!”
The teacher laughs before saying: “You just did! No one can not sin!”
The child’s hands lower to chest level, and their face turns to one of confusion as they say: “No I didn’t! I thought about it really hard and I didn’t!”
The teacher’s expression turns more serious: “Only Jesus never sinned. You are not him.”
The child is still confused and a little distraught as they say: “Well no, but I’m not lying. I didn’t sin!”
The next panel has an additional gradient of black laid over it, and the child is looking up in dread at large, black text with white marks on it that sort of looks like scratches. The text says in all caps: “You can never be perfect.” Under that is smaller text of varying opacity, scattered around the space between the large text and the child, which reads: “You sin from birth because of the Fall. Are you saying you’re God himself? Liar! You always sin, every day. Come on, what sin did you commit? Don’t you know your commandments? Are you perfect then? Liar. Sinner. Stop lying.” In the spaces between the text are filled in by: “Ha Ha.” Below the child is a thought bubble which says: “I thought you would be proud...”]
#diary comics#my art#ex christian#ex fundie#ex fundamentalist#ex baptist#exvangelical#exjw#exmo#ex mormon#religious trauma#religion tw#sin tw#shame tw#religious abuse#ex cult#bright colors cw#scrupulosity tw#idk if that’s a proper tag but just in case#I think this is my first post within this series! So yay that I started it!#But uhhh yeahhh this is based off of a few memories of being asked this as a kid in Sunday school how I had sinned that day#vent art
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I’ve made it to the part of queer tiktok that’s also full of ex-Catholics, MY BRAND
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Admissions Guidelines!
“I’d like to bear my testimony” is a pg-13, digital, non-profit, queer+religious zine about the experiences of LGBT+ Mormons, presided by Harvey (A trans/queer ex-mo) based on the theme of “That Sunday”, and whatever that means to the contributor. Alternately if a more specific theme is wanted, “Fast/Testimony Sunday”.
If this sounds like something you’d be into contributing to, Read More
Schedule and link to submittal form will be provided in another post! (Tumbr is weird about links)
NON-PROFIT! There will be no exchange of money here. By extension, this is a DIGITAL ZINE.
ANY TYPE OF SUBMISSION IS GOOD! -- poetry, essay, photography, memes, tweets, diary entries, art, writing, multimedia, comic, song, collages Rants/vents etc -- You’re only restriction is it’s gotta be stationary (so no audio or video) and in digital format, anywhere between 1-4 PAGES.
Size will be scale-able to 6″ x 9″ for if anyone wanted to end up printing it themselves (I probably will haha), please allow for a .75″ bleed+gutter and 1″ bleed+gutter for the inside of the page (either the left or the right). @ 300 dpi. Landscape is OK! Just be aware if it were printed there would be the middle fold. CMYK is preferred but not necessary.
I’ll try to take as many submissions as I can, but 30 CONTRIBUTORS seems to be industry standard. If there’s more interest I’ll probably expand that number. You need to be older than 13 for legal reasons, and preferably older than 18.
You don’t have to be mormon, whether it be ex-Mormon, active, investigating, or questioning Mormonism, or lgbt+, but your submission is required to EXPRESS YOUR RELATIONSHIP OF IDENTITY TO MORMONISM AND QUEERNESS. Your entry doesn’t have to be English, but please provide with an (accurate) translation if you do.
For copyrights make sure you own the content of the work, NO FAN-ART! don’t want to get slapped with a lawsuit. I’m pretty sure there’s protection for critique/parody of certain content, so if you wanted to put an excerpt in from an official church document that should be okay.
Even though this is a pretty INFORMAL zine. I’m looking for people who will take the project seriously, give contact information which is checked regularly or who will check the this zine blog regularly for updates, who do their best not to procrastinate and are honest if they fall behind please. I deal with people like that at work and It’s not fun. I’m going to do my upmost to produce something that values the time and effort that the contributors put in, I ask that you as a contributor do the same.
Let the congregation know I’m NOT CENSORING/rejecting a lot of works that paint the mormon church in a negative light. If that bothers you, I ask you pass or BE POLITE OF OTHER PEOPLE’S WORKS (even if it does not sit well with your opinion of the Mormon faith), whether you like or dislike the church.
I want to include as many perspectives/experiences as possible here, that will include some things that are hard for active members and excommunicated/non-active members to view or read.
If you feel like your submittal is too heavy and you’d be comfortable flagging it, please send me a trigger warning with your submittal, which will be included in the final zine.
As this is a queer+religious zine, criticism, anger, mourning, and any stereo-typically negative emotion are going to be welcome and encouraged.
This will be a PG-13 zine! Nudity is permitted as long as it’s tasteful and non-sexual, if possible, please exclude genitals. Try to keep swearing minimal. No slurs. No racist or hateful speech. No gore/explicit violence. Use your head with this stuff please.Your project/submittal will be banned if you violate this. I also reserve the right to turn down your submittal for any reason not listed here, but I will try to let you know why if such an event happens.
#queerstake#queerstake zine#harvey mod tag#zine#zine 2020#call for submissions#I'd like to bear my testimony#QueerTesimonyZine
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Although I’ve processed out of most of my masochistic inclinations
Because I feel alone and hopeless at times
Like last week I spent basically 3 hundred dollars
On DoorDash and buying candles and cleaning products for my house,
Last week, or for two weeks I would buy DoorDash everyday because of a latent masochism
That is due to loneliness and feeling hopeless
Buying myself and others breakfast
Or lunch or dinner,
Buying boba teas or Gatorade from 7-11
The lingering hatred I’m trying to expunge from myself
Is the fact I’m alone, I have no one to guide or help me,
And I don’t mean this in a sappy loser Incel way
I’m talking about how none of the people or mechanisms out here and what I have work,
So when those Mormons came to my house last week I legitimately thought about joining just to have some people to lean on, and receive help from.
But help is conditional. No one can help me or anyone for one, and that mentally blows and that’s what makes me write violent and hateful poetry and rants on this blog, that’s what feeds the anger,
Because not only can’t people help you, for one they don’t have any money either, and 2 they will not understand what your saying or going through,
But if help is offered it’s on conditions,
Those Mormons will help me only if I believe their make believe bullshit
College only works if your an asexual pussy,
But I have to go back to college,
But when I go back, I’m going in as a
Heterosexual Grown Man,
And that isn’t me being reactionary
What I’m saying is, the more you go in higher education the more you experience people who are amorphous asexual bland people who conform and who submit themselves,
I can’t be that, I’m intimate, I’m straight, I like women, and I’m funny,
I’m not going to exist in these boxes life throws at you,
FUCK why didn’t I get with and marry Lindsay when I was 22 !
Why the fuck did I have to be so crazy and full of mental health issues at that time,
Not marrying her is the fucking mistake of these past 7 years,
Because if I would’ve married her,
We would now have our own place, with friends
We’d be a hip interracial alternative couple
And I fucking blew it because I was unhealthy and crazy as fuck
In 2017 or 18 ? When I was on campus I hit her up on Facebook with an apology,
She gave it a heart, then responded back with a fuck off im married now,
Then around 2019 she hit me up on Instagram
But didn’t say a word, it was just weird symbols like :.’
And my sister said that was her way of telling me I blew it and I just blew it, I fucking blew it
And it’s unnerving because I’m 29 fucking years old,
Where the fuck is my life going ?
Unlike friends and peers who wanna deny this shit
I can’t deny it anymore
I’m 29 years old and I’m single
I don’t know where my life is going
And life is HARD it’s tasking and humiliating
My ex girlfriend Chelsea who I dated in the last few years
A photographer just like me, is now doing Nursing
She was defeated by her material circumstances
My last steady girlfriend Julia,
Who I wish I could reconnect with
Was adamant to me that her career came first
She’s an anthropologist,
Where am I going in this shit
Because I’m suicidal,
Not suicidal as in actually dying
I’m talking about I’m scared I’ll just be
An anonymous 35 year old man
Who’s a fucking failure
Talking to bitches online,
I don’t fucking want that
And that shit right there makes me wanna go
Get a fucking Gun,
And if it comes to that
Where a man must survive by being a legitimate
Criminal
In these late Capitalism Hellscape years
So be it
And I’ll tell you this
In terms of becoming a criminal
There’s no compassion in me at that point
It’s all hate towards this world
This world that leaves you stranded
That left my entire fucking generation stranded
POETS DIARY
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I watched Under the Banner of Heaven. then I watched it again. and now I’m watching it for a third time. I’m probably going to keep watching it a few more times, because... holy fuck. holy fuck. holy fuck.
I felt this show scrape off old wounds and patch them back again in one smooth motion
I have never seen a show with Mormons depicting the such a similar spiral of doubt I fell into as a teenager. I have never seen a character on screen that struggled to consolidate the violence of early Mormon history with the life of purity they demanded of us. I have never before seen such an honest conversation between doubt and faith so similar to one I once had with myself
the only thing that was missing was a deeper dive into the rampant anti-black racism and race-mixing bullshit that I had to explore for myself. but thanks to the character Bill Taba they for sure don’t ignore it.
and more importantly, I’ve never seen a show written by an ex Mormon who tries to make peace with the turmoil left behind
Dustin Lance Black wasn’t on my radar before, but he sure as shit is now.
I don’t usually talk meta myself, but when I untangle the mess of feelings this show left me with I might have to
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10/31/2020
I decided to start writing a diary. I've beeen thinking about doing so for the better part of the last few years. I guess shit finally got deep enough again that I decided to give myself another safety net. A place to vent. To scream at the void. That's what this app is about anyway right? By the way I'll figure out a post schedule eventually. And I'm not using any real world names here just incase.
I'm depressed. Pretty sure I've got BPD or something similar. I'm tired. Yesterday my girlfriend, Ella, and I started a break and it's already really hard. I don't even know why. We kinda had to though, she's got kids (PLENTY of drama here, we'll get to that) and obviously wants to keep them. Her husband, (yeah yeah save it) Jay and their counselor think it's for the best. But I don't see why taking a break from our relationship would make things ANY easier on anyone *except* her husband. It certainly isn't going to save the marriage. They've been married for a few years, their daughters are adorable, and from the outside it almost looks like a good mormon marriage.
Except she's gay. As FUCK. She thought she was pansexual, but she'd only been with the one man, and had only recently come to terms with being attracted to women. They decided to give polyamory a try a while back, and had discussed their rules. Jay found this chick to start dating (ironically, my ex, and don't worry. She's too big a part of my past *not* to be discussed further eventually) She decided to fuck him, he went along with it because his idea of poly was "oh hey I get a family *and* all the sex I want whenever" and not "I need aditionally romantic, sexual, and emotional attention that my partner can't provide so we're going to see other people too."
Ella took issue with this. Especially because they didn't use a condom. Idk how the fuck she doesn't have any stds, but my ex can't get pregnant either, so no worries ultimately. Still. Not cool. Wrap it before you tap it dude you don't wanna bring a nasty surprise back to your wife. (or your best friend's cousin. Another time tho.) They also had specifically talked about him *not* fucking around in the early stages, but that's all he wanted to do so 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Anyway. After a little less than a year it was time for round two, Ella's turn. For reference, Ella and I have known each other since middle school. My sister was one of her friends, and we played trumpet together in band so we had plenty reason to be close. We always had a thing for each other apparently but never had the guts to do anything about it. I even took her on her first date *ever* AND to prom "as friends." because she was mormon mostly. I had recently figured out I was trans (earlier this year I had my egg cracked) and had even more recently come out to her because I knew she was a "progressive Mormon" and would likely be supportive. I was correct.
She invited me to a group chat with two of her friends and her husband. Eventually Ella mentions she's looking for a gf. In the gc. Where there are two girls she's *obviously* attracted to. No one says *anything* it's painful how hard we ignored her. My heart kinda started beating faster though. She kept posting things like this periodically in the gc until I got the gumption to throw my hat in the ring.
I'd like to be clear in that I've only known I'm trans since about April. So I don't pass for SHIT. I didn't know if she was attracted to trans girls. I very much look like a boy. I was SHOCKED when she said yes. And so fucking excited. Ella's in cosmotology school so she can teach/help me with all the girly things I haven't had time to experience yet, had a bunch of old clothes for me, and is basically just the most supportive human I know.
We've been dating a little over two months now. And both of us feel a deeper connection than anything we ever have. This break isn't fair, to either of us. But she needs her kids, and I know better than to stand between a mom and her kids. So I'm doing everything in my power to help, even if right now that means being absent. I'm not ok guys. But I will be. We'll hear from Ella in a week to see *if* our break is ending. But I doubt it. The counselor said 4-6 weeks. I think the one week check in is just a consolation. Whatever. I'll make it. I just *really* fucking miss her.
P.S. thanks for reading! I don't care what you think, but feel free to share your opinions with each other. I plan on continuing this for the foreseeable future so stay tuned I guess
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⌠ MEG DONNELLY, 21, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, GABRIELLA FITZPATRICK-ABERNATHY! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION + SEDUCTION AND FLIRTATION; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (heart shaped sunglasses, putting on a short sundress to go on a picnic, sharing a plate of chocolate dipped strawberries while gossiping ). when it’s the (gemini)’s birthday on 06/16/1998, they always request their VANILLA MILKSHAKE from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ anette, 21, she/her, gmt ⍀ @gallagherintro
wassup gallagher people i bring to you a female character i’ve been thinking of picking up for a very long time. don’t hesitate to love her down ! if ur interested in any of the plots listed down let me know ! my discord is anette#6181 love u , enjoy the intro !
background information.
* gabriella is bowie’s sister and one of the abernathy sisters. their mother elizabeth married their father at an extremely young age which often made their family at the center of the talk, considering they grew up in a very small town and mormon. other than silly gossip, their family life was quite healthy and all six of the abernathy sisters grew to be quite close, considering most of the town either hated them or envied them behind their backs.
* loves her family extremely, although has always wished for more attention from her parents just as most kids. gabby's part in their sister dynamic was being the one who was the most sociable. despite the rumors and everything she really liked the idea of popularity and being likeable to everyone. that however only did bad things to her self-esteem because of her last name.
* she found herself in spy prep because she wanted to get out of the small town and the expectations that came with it, and she saw this as an amazing opportunity to have an extraordinary life that she has always dreamed and only read in books about. feels very at home, considering that her sisters are here as well.
characteristics.
* gabby is an extremely social being. she loves all kinds of people and it’s rare that she can’t get along with someone. it’s not just about craving attention and affection, it’s also that she is very loyal, values friendship over everything and romantisizes quite a lot about other people. is definitely protective and the type of person who will go through hell for her friends.
* being a social butterfly and growing up in such a big household has formed her into the type of person who loves to talk and gossip. watch out for your tea cups because she wants the tea to be spilled, if you know what i mean ! so if you didn’t know she’s all about drama, now you know.
* she literally ! needs ! people. in any way. has been in a few toxic relationships because she does not recognize her worth and just wants someone to love her *coughs*. it’s not that hard for her to get attached to your hip since she’s naturally very carefree and flirty.
* she’s extremely adventurous and growing up in a small town has sort of forced that out of her. even back then she was always the one to plan small trips and picnics for her family to go on. she’s crazy about adrenaline and the unknown. she definitely seeks fun wherever she is and doesn’t like to be a downer most of the time. she does feel self-conscous about herself since she grew up in a very religious household and has been forced to act very pristine while holding a few secrets of her own, such as having been a cam girl and being bisexual, so she’s sort of grown up to be very hard on herself.
* is a hoe for aesthetics, catch her sipping her milkshake on a lawn with her heart shaped sunglasses on while playing toxic by britney spears through the speakers the second she sees her ex boyfriend appear in her radius. but wait til she opens up that furry pink diary of hers to write all about it and over exaggerate the whole traumatic experience before she goes to bed.
wanted connections.
* i’d love some best friends which means they’ve probably clicked amazingly but one or the other have totally friendzoned each other. i’m only emphasizing this because she’s very flirty and airy. would also die for some exes because she’s dated around a bunch. we can figure out what was the outcome of it all. give me gay! give me partners in crime, unrequited love, enemies, hook ups, study pals, idk literally everything :)
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PRIDE MONTH
In June we celebrate Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month (LGBT Pride Month) which honors the 1969 Stonewall riots in Manhattan, this year is its 50th anniversary. First, President Bill Clinton declared June “Gay & Lesbian Pride Month” on June 2, 2000. In 2009, President Barack Obama declared June Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month.
LGBTQ Pride Month events attract millions of participants around the world. The purpose of the commemorative month is to recognize the impact that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally.
To honor the occasion, we’ve selected some of the best nonfiction on the topic, including new releases, historical perspectives and young readers titles:
STONEWALL: THE DEFINITIVE STORY OF THE LGBTQ RIGHTS UPRISING THAT CHANGED AMERICA by Martin Duberman
50th Anniversary Edition
On June 28, 1969, the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York’s Greenwich Village, was raided by police. But instead of responding with the routine compliance the NYPD expected, patrons and a growing crowd decided to fight back. The five days of rioting that ensued changed forever the face of gay and lesbian life. Fifty years after the riots, Stonewall remains a rare work that evokes with a human touch an event in history that still profoundly affects life today.
WE ARE EVERYWHERE: PROTEST, POWER, AND PRIDE IN THE HISTORY OF QUEER LIBERATION by Matthew Riemer, Leighton Brown
A rich and sweeping photographic history of the Queer Liberation Movement, from the creators and curators of the massively popular Instagram account @lgbt_history, released in time for the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. Through the lenses of protest, power, and pride, We Are Everywhere combines exhaustively researched narrative with meticulously curated photographs, the book traces queer activism from its roots.
THE STONEWALL READER edited by The New York Public Library; Foreword by Edmund White
Drawing from the New York Public Library’s archives, The Stonewall Readeris a collection of first accounts, diaries, periodic literature, and articles from LGBTQ magazines and newspapers that documented both the years leading up to and the years following the riots.
MAMA’S BOY: A STORY FROM OUR AMERICAS by Dustin Lance Black
Dustin Lance Black wrote the Oscar-winning screenplay for “Milk”, but as an LGBTQ activist he has unlikely origins—a conservative Mormon household outside San Antonio, Texas. His mother, Anne, was raised in rural Louisiana. By the time Lance came out to his mother at age twenty-one, he was a blue-state young man studying the arts instead of going on his Mormon mission. She derided his sexuality as a sinful choice and was terrified for his future. This story shines light on what it took to remain a family despite such division. In the end, the rifts that have split a nation couldn’t end this relationship that defined and inspired their remarkable lives.
ELEANOR AND HICK: THE LOVE AFFAIR THAT SHAPED A FIRST LADY by Susan Quinn
Published to wide acclaim in hardcover, a warm, intimate account of the love between Eleanor Roosevelt and reporter Lorena Hickok. Deeply researched and told with warmth and charm, Eleanor and Hick is at once a tender, moving portrait of love and a surprising new look at some of the most consequential years in American history.
BOY ERASED: A MEMOIR OF IDENTITY, FAITH, AND FAMILY by Garrard Conley
A beautiful, raw and compassionate memoir about identity, love, and understanding from a survivor of ’ex-gay’ therapy, now a movie starring Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Lucas Hedges, directed by Joel Edgerton, and produced by Anonymous Content and Focus Features.
LOVE IS LOVE by Phil Jimenez
Winner of the 2017 Eisner Award for Best Anthology
The comic book industry comes together to honor those killed in the Pulse nightclub shooting, which took place on June 12, 2016, in Orlando. From IDW Publishing, with assistance from DC Entertainment, this oversize comic contains moving and heartfelt material from some of the greatest talents in comics—mourning the victims, supporting the survivors, celebrating the LGBTQ community, and examining love in today’s world.
FOR YOUNGER READERS
STONEWALL: A BUILDING. AN UPRISING. A REVOLUTION by Rob Sanders, Jamey Christoph
Celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising with the very first picture book to tell of its historic and inspiring role in the gay civil rights movement.
A QUEER HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES FOR YOUNG PEOPLE by Michael Bronski, Richie Chevat
Queer history didn’t start with Stonewall. This book explores how LGBTQ people have always been a part of our national identity, contributing to the country and culture for over 400 years. Through engrossing narratives, letters, drawings, poems, and more, the book encourages young readers, of all identities, to feel pride at the accomplishments of the LGBTQ people who came before them and to use history as a guide to the future. Adult edition: A QUEER HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES by Michael Bronski
PRIDE: THE STORY OF HARVEY MILK AND THE RAINBOW FLAG by Rob Sanders, Steven Salerno
Celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Rainbow Pride Flag with the very first picture book to tell its remarkable and inspiring history!
In this deeply moving and empowering true story, young readers will trace the life of the Gay Pride Flag, from its beginnings in 1978 with social activist Harvey Milk and designer Gilbert Baker to its spanning of the globe and its role in today’s world. Award-winning author Rob Sanders’s stirring text, and acclaimed illustrator Steven Salerno’s evocative images, combine to tell this remarkable – and undertold – story. A story of love, hope, equality, and pride.
WHAT WAS STONEWALL? By Nico Medina, Who HQ, Jake Murray
How did a spontaneous protest outside of a New York City bar fifty years ago spark a social movement across America? Find out about the history of LGBTQ rights in this Who HQ title.
For more on these and related titles visit the collection, Pride, 2019
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ABC NEWS STUDIOS AND LA TIMES STUDIOS PRESENT ‘THE RANDALL SCANDAL: LOVE, LOATHING, AND VANDERPUMP’ ― AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE EXPLOSIVE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST MOVIE MOGUL RANDALL EMMETT
The 90-Minute Documentary Features Special Access to Interview Footage of Emmett’s Ex-Fiancé, ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Star Lala Kent, and Exclusive Interviews With Kent’s Mother and Brother, Past Employees of Emmett and More
‘The Randall Scandal: Love, Loathing, and Vanderpump’ Begins Streaming Monday, May 22, Only on Hulu
ABC News Studios*
Bravo’s hit reality show “Vanderpump Rules” has been involved in scandal after scandal, but none more serious than the explosive allegations against movie mogul Randall Emmett, who rose to fame on the heels of his engagement to Bravo megastar Lala Kent. ABC News Studios and LA Times Studios present “The Randall Scandal: Love, Loathing, and Vanderpump,” an investigation into many of the shocking claims against Emmett, which include allegations of race discrimination, workplace abuse, and questionable on-set behavior towards actor Bruce Willis as his mental acuity declined ― all of which Emmett denies. The 90-minute documentary features special access to interview footage of Kent, who opens up about her tumultuous relationship with Emmett and how she learned about the accusations against her ex-fiancé. “The Randall Scandal: Love, Loathing, and Vanderpump” also includes exclusive interviews with those closest to Kent, including Lisa and Easton Burningham, her mother and brother, who describe alarming, never-before-told claims of Emmett’s alleged mistreatment towards Kent, exclusively recount what they regard as Emmett’s disturbing behavior when Kent gave birth to their daughter, and Kent’s escape from their shared home.
Additional exclusive interviews include Felix Pire, Emmett’s high school friend; Brett Pearson, Martin G’Blae and Anna Szymanska, Emmett’s former assistants who claim the filmmaker subjected them to verbal abuse and workplace harassment; Teresa Huang, a TV writer; Leila Azari, a lawyer for Writers Guild of America West and more. Additional interviews include L.A. Times reporters Amy Kaufman and Meg James, whose investigation “The Man Who Played Hollywood: Inside Randall Emmett’s Crumbling Empire” revealed lawsuits, debts and allegations of abuse against women, assistants and business partners facing Emmett; Matt Belloni, founding partner of Puck News; Heather McDonald, comedian and podcast host; David Yontef, pop culture podcast host; and Alicia Haverland, prop master for Emmet’s film “Midnight in the Switchgrass,” which starred Bruce Willis. “The Randall Scandal: Love, Loathing, and Vanderpump” begins streaming Monday, May 22, only on Hulu.
“The Randall Scandal: Love, Loathing, and Vanderpump” is produced for Hulu by ABC News Studios in collaboration with LA Times Studios. John Henshaw and Victoria Thompson are executive producers, Maura Mitchell is co-executive producer, Jake Lefferman is supervising producer, and David Sloan is senior executive producer for ABC News Studios. ABC News Studios is led by Mike Kelley. Kevin Merida, Chris Argentieri, Shani Hilton, Maurice James and Leslie Lindsey are executive producers for LA Times Studios.
ABOUT ABC NEWS STUDIOS
ABC News Studios, inspired by ABC News’ trusted reporting, is a premium, narrative non-fiction original production house and commissioning partner of series and specials. ABC News Studios champions untold and authentic stories driving the cultural zeitgeist spanning true-crime, investigations, pop culture and news-adjacent stories. ABC News Studios’ original titles include critically acclaimed documentaries “Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields,” “The Lady Bird Diaries,” “Aftershock” and “The Murders Before the Marathon” as well as compelling docu-series, including “Killing County,” “Wild Crime,” “Death in the Dorms” and “Mormon No More.”
ABOUT LA TIMES STUDIOS
LA Times Studios, a division of California Times, produces a variety of critically acclaimed audio, video and live event projects. We develop projects that are grounded in editorial integrity and driven by the power of storytelling. We collaborate with a variety of partners, internally and externally, on both original productions and branded entertainment. The Studios group is platform-agnostic and pursues compelling narratives and conversations across a variety of media.
*COPYRIGHT ©2023 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All photography is copyrighted material and is for editorial use only. Images are not to be archived, altered, duplicated, resold, retransmitted or used for any other purposes without written permission of ABC. Images are distributed to the press to publicize current programming. Any other usage must be licensed.
-- ABC --
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2018-04-05 15 NEWS now
NEWS
Associated Press
Police: YouTube shooter was calm in interview before attack
Congress' challenge: How to tame industry giant Facebook
AP Explains: Why US militarization of border isn't new
Facebook scandal affected more users than thought: up to 87M
Mueller's Russia probe shows it pays to cooperate
BBC News
How the Facebook-Cambridge Analytica data scandal unfolded
Why are female mass shooters so rare?
Trash Robot cleans up Chicago River's rubbish
What would you do with free money?
Russians protest over 'toxic' landfill near Moscow
Chicago Tribune
Video captures University of Chicago police officer shooting student near campus
Woman, 56, found dead with lacerations on body on West Side
West Side shooting wounds man, 37
Man suspected of killing his parents at Central Michigan dorm found unfit for trial, his attorney says
Separate Lake County crashes injure two drivers, damage utilities
LA Times
Air Force Thunderbirds pilot killed in F-16 crash near Las Vegas
Lakers jeopardize Spurs' playoff hopes with 122-112 overtime victory
Ducks clinch sixth straight playoff berth with win over Wild
Two dead after car slams into building, catches fire near Gardena-Hawthorne border
Lakers' Isaiah Thomas begins rehab after hip surgery
NPR News
Surgeon General Urges More Americans To Carry Opioid Antidote
U.S. Farmers Likely Among Hardest Hit By Chinese Tarriffs
Russia's Attempt To Join Probe Into Ex-Spy's Poisoning Fails
USDA Defies Advisers, Allows Carrageenan To Keep Organic Label
After Stephon Clark Shooting, Questions Remain About Police Use Of Force
New York Times
Op-Ed Contributor: What’s Wrong With ‘Illiberal Democracy’?
Brazil’s Ex-President, ‘Lula,’ Can Be Jailed, Court Rules
Police Fatally Shoot a Brooklyn Man After Falsely Believing He Had a Gun
Europe Edition: ISIS, Britain, Monkeys: Your Thursday Briefing
White House Tries to Tamp Down Trade War Fears as China Retaliates
ProPublica
How Do You Identify Fake News?
Here’s How You Can Use Trump Town
Help Us Dive Into the Swamp — ‘Trump, Inc.’ Podcast
Addiction Drug’s Side Effect: More Overdoses?
ProPublica and NPR Win Investigative Reporters and Editors Award
Reddit News
Rudy Giuliani's third wife files for divorce after 15 years
Ex-fertility doctor facing suit for using his own sperm is a former Mormon mission and temple president
Asian-Americans Suing Harvard Say Admissions Files Show Discrimination
It's much worse: Facebook says almost every profile has had its data scraped by a third party
Stocks make a monster comeback, Dow rallies more than 700 points from lows of the day
Reuters
Trump, stymied on wall, to send troops to U.S.-Mexico border
Facebook says data leak hits 87 million users, widening privacy scandal
Brazil's top court rules Lula can be jailed for graft conviction
Asia shares bounce from two-month lows as trade war fears ease
U.S. expects talks with China as trade fight escalates
Reveal News
Nation’s largest janitorial company faces new allegations of rape
A group of janitors started a movement to stop sexual abuse
The Hate Report: How white supremacists recruit online
New documents about Jehovah’s Witnesses’ sex abuse begin to leak out
California is preparing to defend its waters from Trump order
The Altantic
West Virginia's Teachers Are Not Satisfied
This Average Joe Is the Most Quoted Man in News
The Unsinkable Benjamin Netanyahu?
Eric Garcetti Isn't Expecting Much From Washington
The Particular Horror of Church Shootings
The Guardian
From Godzilla to Some Like it Hot – why the 1950s is my favourite film decade
The demise of the nation state
Screaming, hitting, sweating: how my Wild Wild Country retreat led to contentment | Brigid Delaney's diary
Malaysian prime minister accused of ‘dirty tricks’ as election looms
Brazil former president Lula faces jail for corruption after supreme court ruling
The Independent
Sinclair producer resigns over network's 'obvious bias'
United Nations to hold special meeting on poisoning of former Russian spy
BBC admits scenes in Human Planet which showed tribe living in rainforest treehouse were faked
Men jailed for killing goat at petting zoo 'because they were hungry'
How Silicon Valley, spooks and the super rich took control of the 21st century
The Intercept
Muslims Who Commit Violence Get Seven Times More Media Attention and Four Times Longer Sentences
Public Workers Worried That Tennessee’s Billionaire Governor Is Taking Another Run at Them
Right-Wing Media Look at Parkland Student Activists and See a Reason to Gut Public Education
Intercepted podcast: Injustice League
EPA Violated the Law by Failing to Investigate Civil Rights Complaints, Court Rules
The Quartz
South Korea’s disgraced former president Park Geun-hye will face her fate on live TV
How IIT Madras beat all the odds to become India’s top engineering college
Indian companies have scrapped projects worth $117 billion in just one year
The unsolved mystery of who owns Sherlock Holmes’s original £130 million home
This may be Africa’s most scenic mountain range, yet it struggles to attract tourists
Wall Street Journal
Brazil's Supreme Court Rejects Former President's Bid to Avoid Jail
Tariff Showdown Shifts to Intense Negotiation Period
Caravan in Trump's Crosshairs Stalls Far From Border
AMC Set to Open First Movie Theater in Saudi Arabia
Iraq Struggles to Exhume and Identify Victims of ISIS
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